#phew now to clear out my drafts

[eternal-reverie]

i think i caught up on all those unanswered asks

[blue-jisungs]

childish honesty

author's note. okay phew this has been rotting in my drafts since JULY??? the main reason of not posting was literally no idea for the title bye. anyways i hope you enjoy, esp you @l3visbby since this is the chan work i’ve been talking about 💀

big shout out to my beloved @planetkiimchi for proofreading, ilysm and thank you so so much <3 i really appreciate it 🥹

summary. there’s a cute guy who’s literally perfect. everything starts to work out when your little secret comes out // or in which you always adored children’s honesty but fail to do the same

summary. 7894

warnings. swearing, alcohol consumption + one scene in a club but nothing too wild, mention of cheating. a bit angsty :) chan is a bit of an ass but then again, he kind of has a reason….. + some cameos <3

biting the inside of your cheek deep in thought, your friend – jeongyeon – noticed you’re drifting away. tapping the back of your hand gently, warm smile on her lips. your other friend, jihyo, scoffed.

“and you’re gone again… don’t tell me he’s on your mind” she sighed dramatically. a blush crept on your face since you were caught.

“girl, you were supposed to relax! clear your head! go wild!” jeongyeon grunted and broke into a mischievous giggle “well, the last one is for later”

“we know you love him but please, stop thinking about him. for once…” jihyo pouted “i’ll get jealous!”

“okay, you know i love you both” you smiled, grabbing their hands “i’m sorry. you know how it is”

“well… we don’t. but we understand, we know what you’ve been through. that’s why you need a break” jeongyeon said and jihyo nodded in agreement “aaaand we need to find you a new man”

“huh?” you blinked, reaching for your coffee cup.

“oh come on, don’t act like you don’t understand” jihyo winked and you almost choked on the hot beverage. the action made your friends laugh “what?! that’s not what i meant…” you grunted but your reaction spoke for yourself.

���now that i think about it… jihyo, do you remember chan? from our company? he’s in another department but he’s the manager, you should know him” jeongyeon hummed, tapping her fingers against her coffee cup. you stole a glance at your phone. no one texted you.

“of course i do! i love chan, he’s so cute and good in what he does… wait” the corners of jihyo’s lips curled into a mischievous smile “oh…”

“oh indeed” jeongyeon smirked, both of them slowly looking at you.

“what?” you asked and your attention was quickly dismissed when your phone buzzed. the girls in front of you exchanged sly looks with each other and nodded in agreement.

“okay! let’s go to my place and change up, hm? it’s friday night, i already thought of a party plan” jihyo smacked the table energetically and stood up from the seat, going over to pay for the coffee.

“where does she get this energy from…” you murmured as you texted back. jeongyeon smiled and stood up too, waiting for you.

“yeah… no…” you grunted, swirling the drink in your hand. squeezing your phone between your cheek and your arm, you looked for your lipgloss hidden somewhere in the bag.

you wanted to finish talking before your friends come back with even more drinks. it was hard to hear jooyeon’s rambles due to the loud music booming in the club.

“‘m sorry, can you speak a bit louder?” you asked and managed to find your lipgloss “or just…”

“y/n!” you heard jihyo’s shouts

“sorry, baby, i need to go!” you said

“but…” jooyeon whined and you sighed apologetically.

“i’ll call you in the morning, okay?” you hummed and were met with a soft, sad hmpf. quickly hanging up, you pretended to use your phone as a mirror while holding the lipgloss.

“we’re back, ta-dam!” jeongyeon put the drinks on the table and shot you a suspicious glance “do you even see anything?”

“no… not really” you giggled and put your phone down, gulping down your previous drink “i’ll be right back!”

entering the bathroom you felt a sinking feeling in your stomach. you really shouldn’t have hung up so early. what if it was important? what if he needed help… what if he needed you?

quickly fixing your lipgloss, you shook your head. you shouldn’t think about it so much. the girls went out with you to have fun so just for a night you could forget about him, right?

after hiding the lipgloss in your mini bag; zipping it so the small electric guitar keychain dingled gently, you left the bathroom.

right away you felt your legs tripping or just the impact of someone bumping into you, you weren’t sure. before you could fall, a surprised yelp reached your ears and two hands held you sturdily by your waist.

“i’m sorry, i should have watched where i was going” a male voice rung in your ears, causing you to squirm away from his hold. he let go, shaking his head “sorry”

“that’s okay, it was my fault too” you nodded and looked at his face. the red neon lights in the club didn’t help you in analysing his features but from what you saw now, he was handsome. his mouth opened and you could sense he’d apologise again but suddenly jihyo’s favourite song came on.

you just nodded for the second time and turned around, the man’s gaze following you – unbeknownst to you.

quickly joining your friends you went to the dance floor, finally starting to relax and temporarily forget about your worries.

arriving at your place, head pumping like crazy, you slowly opened the front door. it was around 10am, saturday morning. quietly entering the kitchen and painfully slowly opening the upper cabinet so it doesn’t creak—

“mom is back!”

you sighed. mission failed.

turning around with a smile you were met with jooyeon’s body launching at you.

“easy there” you giggled and last minute kneeled down, so he could hug you properly. his small hands wrapped around your neck, lips smooching your cheek “missed me that much?”

“duh! it’s boring without you!” jooyeon grinned cheekily and leaned away. then you registered someone leaning over the kitchen counter.

“jooyeonnie, could you maybe pick up the toys in the living room? quick, so mom won’t see the mess” the feminine voice was gentle and soft, as always.

“oh shoot, the toys!” jooyeon yelled out, causing you to scrunch your face. as he ran out of the room, you stood up and sent yuna a warm smile.

“thank you…” you sighed, grabbing a glass of water

“i can see the party was nice” she giggled, observing you “do you need me to stay longer? it’s not…”

“no, absolutely not. i already asked you for too much… but thank you so much” you shook your head as a no, putting the mini bag on the countertop.

yuna was jooyeon’s babysitter. she was a first year university student so the deal was great for three of you: jooyeon loved her (and vice versa), she got to earn some money and you had the opportunity to spend your time with friends or stay overtime without any stress. but hey! it was friday, today it’s saturday and yuna, such a young and lovely girl, definitely shouldn’t miss out on her free time on you two. plus your hangover.

“i’ve got this” you nodded and handed her the cash. she looked at you worried, then stealing a glance at jooyeon who already got distracted with something else.

“if you need anything please let me know…” yuna smiled politely.

“i need you to rest now” you chuckled and patted her arm “i’ve got this, really. have a nice day, yuna. jooyeon, say bye to aunt yuna!”

“bye bye!” he yelled out and ran up to her, grinning and reaching his hand out. they did a high five and yuna left, a sweet smile on her lips. to think she was one year younger than you when jooyeon— “where were you?” jooyeon crossed his hands and cocked an eyebrow, watching you. finishing your water you started looking for some medicine.

“with auntie jihyo and jeongyeon…” you started slowly, trying to focus and figure out what to say “… having a fun time. girls’ night out, you know?”

“mhm…” he hummed, dark irises glued to you “then why do you smell so… gross?”

you scoffed, the package with painkillers dropping from some hidden spot behind glasses.

“we were dancing and having drinks… and when i left, aunties were still sleeping so i didn’t want to wake them up with the loud shower” you explained, taking the meds “is it that bad?”

“yeah. take a shower, you stink” jooyeon ordered and turned around, happily going back to the living room and whatever he was doing with the play-dooh. kids are so honest, don’t you just love them?

following his orders you showered, fighting your eyelids. oh a nap… nap would be great right now.

leaving the bathroom, already in your comfy clothes, you shuffled slowly to find jooyeon. he was scribbling something in a colouring book.

“i think i’ll take a nap, joo. wanna go with me?” you asked quietly. his eyes lit up and he dropped the crayons, grabbing your hand instead

“of course, let’s go!” he exclaimed, leading you to your bedroom. jooyeon was old enough to sleep in his own bed but if he had the chance to sleep with you… on the biiiig bed… there’s no way he’d miss it for the world.

soon enough you were falling asleep with mr wolfy, jooyeon’s plushie, by your side.. and nugget, his another plushie. and five other plushies. and, above all, with your son snuggled comfortably next to you.

chan typed furiously, engrossed in his task. he didn’t even realise when felix walked into the room.

“hey, chan?”

he looked up, taken aback.

“what’s up?” chan asked, smiling softly. his features softened, looking at felix’s pensive face.

“see, i was talking to jihyo… you know, the other manager…” felix started. chan nodded — obviously he knew her. they meet once a month at the monthly evaluation “do you happen to be willing to go on a blind date?”

chan froze, eyes widening. he let out a nervous laugh, scratching his head.

“what is this about?” he asked, felix breaking into a smile.

“well you’re single, right? and apparently jihyo has a friend… so we just thought…” felix drifted off and took a deep breath “listen, i know i’m in no place to say it. but you’re my friend, we’ve known each other for years. and i feel like you should give it a shot. just once”

“but…” chan started, still not fully realising what’s going on

“don’t worry about it, i’m sure you’ll do well. literally everyone likes you, you know? me and jihyo can set up the date, just let me know if… that’s okay” felix breathed out, smiling softly. chan looked down and shook his head, shrugging.

“okay. just this once and only because you’re so kind about it” he scoffed. felix’s face lit up, eyes sparkling with joy.

“really?” he asked in shock. chan looked back at him and smiled

“really. but while you’re so euphoric, don’t forget to send me those audio files of the songs, okay?” chan dead serious. his friend nodded enthusiastically, leaving the room.

what the hell did he just agree to…?

fidgeting with his fingers chan stared at the people in the café. it was cozy, cutely decorated and full of plants. it’s not like he wasn’t here before, it was his friend’s cafe – seungmin’s. he knew all the staff, he was there to help with the decor and all. hell, he often worked there on his laptop with headphones in, in his own world (even though seungmin hated when he did that, apparently he scared the customers away)

he took a deep sigh and looked over at the counter. seungmin along with his two workers, momo and minho sent him thumbs up. of course, they knew about the date, felix had told them.

the door opened and he looked up, excited and nervous at the same time. his features dropped once he noticed it was an elder lady. letting out a scoff he checked the time. well, he was the one who was a bit earlier. would you be on time? or show up at all? he was thinking about–

“excuse me? are you chan?”

he looked up, blinking slowly. oh wow. you… you looked stunning.

“oh. yeah. yeah, that’s me” he nodded and stood up, reaching his hand out “y/n, i assume? jihyo’s friend?”

“yes” you smiled and shook his hand, sitting down “did you wait long?”

“oh, no… not really” he scratched his neck, glancing at his friends. they all sent him thumbs up “here’s the menu…”

“thank you. oh wow, the choices are…” you giggled nervously, reading all the drink and dessert descriptions. jooyeon would definitely like strawberry boom, whatever that was.

“i know, right?” chan tilted his head and adored your features. when jihyo said you’re pretty, he didn’t give it a much thought. he’d say the same thing about felix or his other friends too. but you… you were really angelic. and your smile was so sweet, he never wanted to see it disappear– “hm?”

“i’ll just go for an americano for now” you said and looked up “what about you?”

“i’ll get the strawberry cake, it’s really good. well, actually my friend owns the cafe so…” chan mumbled “… um, yeah. depends what you like, the lemon muffin is good too!”

“okay, if you recommend it then i’ll take it” you shot him a smile and before you could walk up to the counter, someone arrived at the table. your eyes widened upon seeing momo, a friend of jeongyeon’s. you talked a couple of times, she’s really nice but you didn’t know she worked here. in fact, didn’t she work at some dance studio…?

“hi, can i take your order?” she asked sweetly. chan’s gaze was focused on you. it warmed your heart because, well… momo was gorgeous. and he chose to look at you? a small thing but still…

“yes, i’ll take the strawberry cake and espresso. and for this beautiful lady, americano and lemon muffin” chan said, sending you a boyish smile. momo nodded

“iced or warm?” she asked you, winking.

“iced, please” you hummed and realised you still have your purse hung over your arm. momo walked away and you took the purse off, hanging it on the back of the chair.

“sorry if i’m awkward, i haven’t been on a date in a while” you chuckled and noticed chan’s gazed glued to your purse.

“the keychain” he hummed, pointing at it. you grabbed your purse and showed him the electric guitar keychain that was attached to the zipper “it’s cute”

“thank you. it’s a gift from a family member, i carry it everywhere” you hummed and watched chan’s eyes widen.

“were you perhaps at a party last week?” he asked, giggling when your face turned into shock while nodding “oh! so this is the mystery person i bumped into”

“what?!” you laughed loudly, uncontrollable grin plastered on your face “no way! i didn’t see your face then…”

“well me too but i remembered the guitar chain. i’m kind of a music freak… well, i do music for passion and work so it just… it just caught my eye” chan hummed, pointing at the item again “do you play?”

“oh, i used to when i was younger. and then boom, adult life, work, uni… i had to sell it to make ends meet. so, sadly, not anymore” you explained and nodded your head slowly. it was true.

however, a fact was that jooyeon gave it to you. well, he bought it somewhere when he was on a trip with his kindergarten. music ran in his veins ever since he was little. you still have those cute videos when he was younger and used pot lids as drum plates–

“–for a living?” chan’s question brought you back to life. momo arrived and placed your orders. letting out a small, amazed gasp you took out your phone to snap a picture. you’d show it later to jooyeon. maybe one day you could visit the café with him.

“i work in corpo. numbers, numbers and numbers. i wanna change my job but eh… is it worth the risk?” you answer and your life flashes in front of your eyes when your wallpaper appears on your phone.

obviously, it’s your son but you hoped chan didn’t see it. so you try to act like nothing happened: “this muffin is so cute i need to take a picture”

“honestly, understandable. if it wasn’t my millionth time here, i’d snap pics too” he hummed and realised that ever since you exchanged greetings, he would not stop smiling.

“done! ah, yours looks appetising too” you nod, the big strawberry on his cake as red as the guitar on your keychain.

as you two dive into the desserts, you continue your conversation. you’re surprised to come to a conclusion that after such a long time of not having dates, you weren’t stressed. and… you’re having fun?

jooyeon was doodling something next to you with his tongue stuck out while you were in the phone with jihyo and jeongyeon.

“so?! how was it?!” the former practically yelled, causing your son to look up curiously. he twirled his small pointer finger next to his temple and muttered “she’s crazy”, causing you to scoff and pat his head.

“weeell… it was nice. chan himself is veery handsome but also, so kind? it is a little suspicious now that i think about it” you hummed, subconsciously smiling at your son

“noo, please! we’ve known him for a while and trust me, this man doesn’t have a single bad bone in his body. a green flag, if you will” jengyeon whined “tell us more though!”

“well, we talked… had a nice dessert… and talked more. oh and also, we were at the café momo works at!” you said and stood up, going somewhere distant so jooyeon wouldn’t hear your next words

“we know, we did this on purpose so she could tell us the truth in case you ran away or something…” jihyo laughed, causing you to scoff “and girl! she told us you two just wouldn’t shut up! she said she could feel the chemistry from all the way over there”

a blush crept at your cheeks. was is that visible? he’s just… so cute. and smart. and funny. and–

“did you tell him?” jeongyeon cut in, long silence meeting her question. you could hear the heavy sigh she left “y/n–“

“i know but i panicked! it’s like a biggest turn off for a guy, no? like personally, i’d run away” you mumbled looking over at joo engrossed in his task, swinging his feet and humming happily “i’ll tell him next time, i promise”

“you better. WAIT, NEXT TIME?!” jihyo yelled out and all you could hear were squeals and screams. jooyeon jumped off the chair and grabbed the paper sheet he was drawing on

“yes, next time. we’re having a second date next week and he gave me his number” you squealed too, unable to control the excitement. jooyeon grinned and run up to you, handing you the paper with anticipation.

he drew both of you with guitars in your hands. well, you were also holding hands. a lot of hearts and something that looked like a wolf in the corner. there was also a big, crooked but colourful ‘for my beatifull mommy’.

you leaned down and pressed a kiss onto his forehead.

“thank you, my little rockstar. i love you” you hummed, deciding to ignore the typo he made. it’s the gesture that counts.

the next date was a surprise. chan texted you to meet at their company, and because you work close, you agreed. he told you you two would drive for an hour, but he promised it’d be worth the wait.

leaving jooyeon with yuna (who complimented your outfit from head to toe, as if she was the one taking you on said date), you were off.

you arrived at the jyp building, almost pretty sure that jeongyeon and jihyo were watching you somewhere from their offices.

chan was standing there, in his suit and tie loosened a bit with a bouquet of fresh flowers in his hand. you gasped and that caught his attention, turning around.

“oh, you’re here!” he smiled brightly. approaching him, you noticed the flowers were probably a picked set; petals mostly white and in pink shades “this is for you~”

“oh… oh wow. i’m… woah, thank you” you smiled widely, warmth spreading across your body. you couldn’t remember the last time a man gave you flowers (except jooyeon, every year on mother’s day… and literally every time he saw a pretty flower and picked it) “they’re are really beautiful”

“i know, right? i thought about you when i saw them but… you’re prettier” chan smiled cheekily and blood rushed to your cheeks. mumbling a quiet, almost incoherent ‘thank you’ he giggled, pointing at something “my car is parked over there. i didn’t think this through though because there’s no water. hopefully the flowers won’t dry out”

“even if they do, i’ll keep them. dried petals really have their own charm” you hummed, smelling them. you followed chan to his car and he opened the door for you with a charming smile. the vehicle itself was way bigger and more expensive than your own. and way more comfortable. and clean. well, chan probably didn’t have a messy five year old to begin with so maybe that’s why. or maybe he’s just a neat man who likes his environment clean and squeaky? that would be nice but then again, with jooyeon nothing ever is clean.

the drive went fast, way too fast. maybe because there was not a moment of dull conversation with chan and you were truly enjoying yourself. in fact, you didn’t even notice when you arrived at a parking. it was surrounded by tall grass, preventing you to see what’s around.

you left the car, leaving the flowers on your seat and chan joined your side.

“so… how’d you meet jihyo and jeongyeon?” he asked, genuinely curious. you followed him and noticed a beach. letting out a small gasp you took off your shoes, grabbing them in your free hand. chan did the same, leaving your left hand and his right one free.

“well… i had a boyfriend in high school. and one day a girl came up to me and gently explained that she thinks my boyfriend is dating someone else. i was surprised, to say at least and i didn’t even want to believe her. but she was like “girl, you need to believe me! let’s talk to his other girlfriend”… so we did. we realised it makes sense, the girl even showed us pictures she took” you giggled at the memory, suddenly – for a brief moment – feeling how his hand brushes against yours “the girl was jihyo, the other girlfriend was jeongyeon. we decided we want to expose him. in the meantime we asked jihyo why she’s helping us and she told us that he asked her out! can you believe it?”

“what a dickhead” chan grunted, amused smile dancing on his lips. he was listening to you, eyes adoring your face.

“i know, right?” you chuckled and when your hands brushed again, you noticed how the tips of his ears turned pink. cute. “so we exposed him, when he was on a ‘date’ with jihyo. we were sixteen so we just, you know… publicly said this and that. i think jihyo told her friends and the word spread he’s a pathetic liar. but our friendship stayed”

“oh woah. i thought it was just like, clicking after working on a project together but this was way more than i could imagine” he laughed and you joined him.

“yeah, it’s an unusual story. how about you? i’m guessing you met her through work stuff?” you tilted your head.

“mhm, exactly. when i was picked as a manager she congratulated me. then we just started meeting at the monthly meetings for managers and chatted during the breaks” he said and then shook his head “with all due respect, enough about jihyo. i wanna know something about you”

“well, what would you like to know?” you hummed.

while you took a walk, chatting about his career, your passions and his travels, the sun set beautifully at the horizon. once the pastel pinks and oranges morphed into navy sky, stars peeking one by one, you decided to return back to the car.

and that’s when you realised chan lost the shoes he was holding. trying to look for it, which was hard not only due to the darkness but also the uncontrollable laughter you two couldn’t contain, you still chatted. that’s when you found out he’s from australia (“oh woah, i always wanted to go there!”) and that he has a dog, berry. just when you said that you were thinking of getting a dog too (well, more like jooyeon wanted a puppy), chan found his shoes.

they were in the sand, waves moving them around. just as he was about to take them, water came. chan yelped, giggling and backing off. you followed him but then realised the shoes were being taken away by the sea. since you had on a sundress and he was in pants, you decided to walk into the water to grab them.

“no, y/n!” chan called but you were already almost knee deep, taking his shoes. you showed them to him and walked up, scratching your head.

“uhm… i don’t think they’ll be useful anymore” you grunted and before you gave him the shoes, chan took off his blazer. placing it slowly on your arms, he took the wet shoes.

“we’ll see. thank you though, you didn’t have to” he laughed.

only when you entered the car, did you realise how late it had gotten. you texted yuna that you’d be back in an hour and offered for her to sleep at your place. she didn’t read the message, so you assumed she might be already asleep.

chan was so kind as to drop you off right at your doorstep. stepping out of the car, he walked you to the door with a shy smile. the flowers in your hand dried a bit but maybe, hopefully, you’d be able to save them.

“thank you for today” you said with a soft smile, slowly walking up to the door “i had a really fun time”

“me too. seriously, i enjoy spending time with you” chan hummed, his hands behind his back. you had a feeling he wanted to say something else

“the beach was really pretty as well. and thank you for the flowers, i’ll try to bring them back to life” a chuckle left your lips and he grinned “if… uhm…”

“we can do this again sometime” he caught on and smiled boyishly “i’m open to suggestions what fo you want to do next time”

“well, i’ll think about it. and… good night, chan. drive safe and sleep well” you said slowly and took a deep breath before quickly pecking his cheek. chan’s ears turned red as you put in the code to the staircase.

“g-good night, y/n!” he stuttered quickly as you walked in. sending him a warm smile before you went to the elevator, off you were.

chan checked if you’re really gone and started giggling like crazy, fingers gently caressing the spot you placed a kiss on.

during your third date with chan, after texting him all the time you decided to go to the cinema. you paid in advance for the tickets when you decided to see oppenheimer (only because you’ve already seen barbie with your friends). laughing at chan’s reaction when he realised, he promised to pay next time.

but in the middle of the movie you got a phone call. you’d decline it but as soon as you noticed it’s jihyo (because she was staying with jooyeon today), you rushed out of the room telling chan you’re going to the bathroom.

“yes? what’s happening?” you asked as soon as you left, going to sit at the nearby bench.

“pfff… one phone call and you already assume something is happening. well, actually right now…” jihyo started and your heart dropped when you heard jooyeon crying in the background.

“jihyo. what happened?” you hissed, anxiously gripping your knee.

“well, i don’t really know. i was watching the news and doing some paperwork while he was jooyeoning in the background, when suddenly he started crying. i checked if he hurt himself, nothing. he won’t tell me why, he won’t hug me… i don’t know what to do. he told me not to call you but i’m getting nervous” jihyo said and you could tell by the speed of her speech. taking a deep breath, you nodded.

“hand the phone to joo, please” you breathed out and soon you heard your son’s choked sobs. “jooyeonnie?”

“mom…” he sniffled and suddenly started yelling “you’re a liar! you’re gonna leave me just like daddy did! you– you–! i hate you–!”

“hey, hey… calm down, joo. what’s going on? mommy is never going to leave you” you whispered, heart shattering. what is going on?

“you will! you’re a liar! and you’ll leave auntie yuna and auntie jihyo and– and auntie jeongyeon too! you’re a bad, ugly liar” jooyeon started hyperventilating, sobs and cries only audible on the other side of the phone

“jooyeonnie… i’d never leave you, i promise! mommy will be back in a second, alright? do you want me to buy you a snack on my way home? anything you want, my precious baby” you cooed, heart thumping in your chest. did someone say something in the kindergarten?

silence. long silence.

“dino nuggets…” jooyeonnie murmured, sniffling again.

“got it. i’ll be back in ten minutes, dear” you gulped, standing up “love you so much. i’ll be back soon, hold on okay?”

you hung up and hid your phone back in your bag. running your hands through your hair as your mind raced. what happened? who made joo think this way? why–

“y/n?”

you looked up and saw chan walking your way. great.

“are you okay? i got worried, you…” he stopped, smile dropping “you’re pale, did something happen?”

yes. your son – about who you didn’t tell him yet – is bawling his eyes out at home, god knows why. and you’re terrified. parenting books didn’t prepare you for any of this.

“i… i don’t feel too good. i’m sorry, i think i’ll go home” you mumbled, sending him a sad look “i’d love to stay but…”

“hey, hey. i understand. absolutely don’t worry. do you want me to drive you home?” he asked, voice genuinely filled with worry. it made your stomach flip, it was something truly heartwarming.

“no, no it’s okay. i’ll take a painkiller and go to sleep but i’ll let you know once i feel better. again, i’m sorry for ruining our date” you mumbled. chan took your hands in his and caressed it with his thumbs.

“please don’t worry about anything, okay?” he hummed and squeezed your hands “are you sure you’ll go home on your own?”

“yes, i am. i’ll keep you updated. again, i’m so–“ you started but chan shook his head.

“don’t be” he said softly and let you go. you sent him an apologetic smile and walked away. chan observed you until you were gone from his sight.

you were home quickly, with dino nuggets and some other necessities (gummy bears and ice cream). swinging the door open you almost dropped the groceries, running up to jooyeon. he wasn’t crying anymore, which was good but now he was sitting on the couch with his arms crossed. pouting. ah. he’s more angry than sad now.

“jooyeonnie, i’m here” you breathed out, giving jihyo a look. she nodded and took the groceries, preparing to heat up the nuggets for jooyeon “will you talk to me? please. did someone say something bad?”

he put his lips into a right line, looking away.

“you’re a liar. you’ll leave me, just like daddy. even auntie jihyo said she’s scared of you leaving” he huffed, lower lip trembling. you sent jihyo a piercing look to which she only mouthed ‘it was a joke’.

you sat up and wrapped an arm around him. joo slapped your hand, wriggling away.

“i won’t leave, baby. what made you think that way, sweetie?” you asked quietly.

jooyeon sighed deeply.

“the guy”

you looked at jihyo, frowning. she shrugged.

“what guy?” you asked. jooyeon puffed his cheeks.

“auntie jihyo said you’re seeing a guy and in a blink of an eye you’ll leave them. and if you’ll leave them, you’ll leave me” he grunted.

oh.

“baby…” you whined, pouting “that’s not…”

“and– and you will disappear, just like dad! the guy will take you away!” jooyeon whined and finally looked at you, cheeks and lashes still wet from tears.

“he will not. your dad was a pu– scaredy cat. he was scared, that’s why he left. i will never… ever, ever leave you, joo!” you smiled and squished his small cheeks “yes, i am seeing a guy. but even if i like him and i’d like him to be my boyfriend, i won’t leave you. we’re a pack, you know? whoever would want me, has to want you too, hm?”

“was dad scared of me?” jooyeon asked, eyes tearing up again.

“oh no no no! he was… how to say it… he was scared of the responsibilities” you sighed. well, technically joo’s dad was scared of him but that’s not a conversation for now, with a five year old “you’re not the reason, okay? if anyone said anything to you…”

he shook his head slowly. so this was the case. poor jooyeon was just scared and… in fact, you did neglect him lately. you didn’t… you didn’t even ask him about his day. after picking him up from kindergarten you went straight away to dress up for the date–

“if that would make you feel better… if there’s a guy i’m seeing, you’ll have to accept him. or not. if you don’t like him, you tell me. we have a deal?” you cocked your head and reached your hand out.

“m’kay…” he murmured and his smaller hand squeezed yours. you pulled him into a hug, hiding your nose in his hair.

“i’m sorry i made you feel that way” you mumbled. jihyo came over, sniffling. sending her a shocked look you realised she’s… crying.

“i have dino nuggets!” she said cheerfully despite her voice trembling. jooyeon leaned away and pecked your cheek before aiming for the nuggets. you let him eat and looked at jihyo.

“what? you made me emotional. can we approve the guy too?” your friend mumbled. you nodded and scoffing, you hugged her too.

during your fourth date with chan – and yet another one during which you didn’t tell him about jooyeon – you were currently strolling down the street, coffee in your hands. well, you drank yours. having a small chat you couldn’t help but giggle when he told you about the time he mistakenly took wrong pendrive to work. resulting in showing his boss a presentation he made for a powerpoint night with his friends, titled: “why felix eating chicken is cannibalism”. you were about to ask him how on earth he didn’t get fired when–

suddenly your heart dropped and everything started happening in slow motion.

jeongyeon and jooyeon walking from around the corner, holding hands. jeongyeon was talking to him, smiling and your son was engrossed in the conversation. he was holding a small flower. his ebony eyes noticed you and widened, sparks of joy. his lips opening, a tiny hand of his letting go jeongyeon’s. and then you heard it.

“mommy!”

joo ran your way, almost dropping the flower. chan was still clueless, eyes laser focused on your features. once he realised something’s wrong, jooyeon was close. your instinct told you to squat and open your arms to hug him, so you did. joo’s body hit yours, tiny hands wrapping around your neck.

“hiya mommy!”

you hugged jooyeon back and leaned away, tucking a strand of his longish hair that stuck to his forehead. was that paint–?

“hi baby” you whispered, barely audible. jeongyeon walked up, panting. finally you looked at chan, heart pounding against your rib cage as if it was about to break any second. you couldn’t read him. sure, his mouth was hanging open and his eyes were widened but…

only when you picked up jooyeon and came back to chan’s eye level, there it was. the reaction you knew too damn well. features dropping, shock morphing into realisation. next was…

“that’s… that’s your kid?” chan spat out. jeongyeon squinted, jaw tensing. she liked chan, sure. he was a nice guy and a hardworking manager. but what he was about to say could completely change her point of view.

“yes” you mumbled faintly, sending him a weak smile “it’s my son–“

“you didn’t tell me. i get it, not saying anything about– i don’t fuc… know, a goldfish when you were nine but a child“ anger. anger was next and now there will be– “y/n… i’m disappointed”

your heart dropped. you had a small flame of hope that he won’t be like the other guys. he won’t run away, he won’t judge. but no. despite all the fun time and genuine softness of his character chan was like every single man you’ve met before.

“i can explain–!” a pathetic whine ripped out of your throat, making jooyeon tilt his head.

“i don’t… i need to go. we’ll talk later” was all he said before walking away.

jeongyeon quickly came over and took jooyeon from your hands. truly, you were thankful for that. as your heart shattered into pieces, your knees went weak. you wanted to lay down on the sidewalk and cry; no, wail.

looking at jooyeon and then jeongyeon, you took a deep breath. no. you’ll have to wait until later. you don’t want him to see you cry. your friend’s face was saying ‘told you so, you should’ve have told him sooner’ but her hand met yours and gave it a small squeeze.

“i’m sorry” she whispered and nudged your arm. jooyeon poked you and gave you the flower he was holding “let’s go home, hm?”

the next two weeks were tough. chan left you on read, so you gave up on texting him. the worst part was that you knew it’s your fault. you should’ve told him earlier. but… you really thought he’s different. he really was, so caring and soft; he didn’t want just to hop in your bed. but in the end, he’s just like others.

jihyo and jeongyeon wanted to kill him. yuna too, even though she didn’t know him. the girls told you that he’s off ever since that day. jihyo didn’t talk to him, only sending cold looks his way. chan seemed… ashamed every time they met. especially jeongyeon. in fact, he seemed to avoid them.

jooyeon was a sweetheart, though. you weren’t sure if he understood but he knew something was wrong. he tried to cheer you up and it worked. how could it not? he’s adorable himself. bringing drawings and flowers from kindergarten or just watching him experiment on the garage band with a huge smile on his face. just having joo around was enough.

one day, he invited his friends over. it was quite a challenge: five other boys running around in your living room. but their laughs were contagious. while most of them, including junhan’s. he was the most shy one, clinging to you and peeking at the boys. joo though, being the happy virus he is, dragged him away from you and they ran to his room. when you wanted to take a look what’s going on, the oldest and the boldest pushed you out.

so you decided to do some paperwork, a sitcom playing in the background. from time to time you heard shouts and sounds of footsteps… and metal lids smashing against each other. guess they were playing the band game.

smiling upon remembering the times you used to do that with jooyeon while you still had your guitar, there was a doorbell ring.

gaon, one of the boys run out.

“if that’s my mom tell her i’m not here!” he yelled and ran away back to joo’s room. scoffing, you walked closer to the door. how would that even work? if you were to say that, his mom would lose her mind. it was the whole purpose of inviting them so they’re here–

“hi”

your eyes widened. opening the door, you were met with chan. he was holding a huge bouquet of flowers, biting his lower lip anxiously. you were so stunned, you couldn’t mutter a word.

“i’m… can we talk?” he asked, sparks of hope in his ebony eyes. he was dressed like usual, black from head to toe. you on the other hand… already in your pyjamas–

“i, uh… sure, i guess. come in. or no… see… joo has friends over and–“ you started and got interrupted by a loud metal noise. ah yes, the drums. sending chan an apologetic smile, you sighed “yup. that’s exactly what i was going to say”

chan smiled, nodding.

“it’s fine. those are for you. i know this isn’t enough to make up for how i reacted but…” he handed you the flowers. while you rushed to put them in a vase, chan stepped in and closed the door.

his lips subconsciously curled into a smile while he looked around your place. tiny shoes all over the floor, crayons and papers laying around, cars and legos splattered everywhere. there were plenty of pictures too. most of them were just your son. some of them were jihyo, jeongyeon and you. and your son, again. or some pictures with your parents, like on your graduation day. and another one: your parents, you and your son.

“okay, come in. take your shoes off, it’s already a mess. do you, uhm… want some coffee?” you asked, fidgeting with your fingers. he shook his head as a no.

“no, thank you. listen y/n… i’m sorry” chan said, looking into your eyes. you were shocked, mouth slightly parting. he let out a nervous laugh “i’ve been acting like a total idiot since then but i needed some time to think, i’m sorry”

“yeah, i mean– it was kind of a bomb, wasn’t it?” you scoff. chan noticed a glint of bitterness on your face.

“can we sit down? i feel like–“ he started. you led him to the couch, quickly moving away the small, plastic plates boys left after dinner.

when you were settled down, you turned off the tv. there was comfortable silence, only filled with background noises of faint music coming from joo’s room.

“again, i’m so fucking sorry. y/n, i just… you are really the girl of my dreams. i don’t think i’ve ever met someone who understood me so well, who i just had this flow with. and i truly like you, i really do. i… i know the way i reacted was shitty. but… maybe if you told me…” chan finished hesistantly, scanning your face to see your reaction “truth be told, i needed to think it through. i had so many thoughts but… why, why didn’t you tell me earlier?”

you let out a deep sigh, looking down. at his neat black pants and your messy pyjama ones.

“because i did it before. and each time i was met with the same reaction. either a nasty comment or a weird look, and all of them ended up in eventually leaving me without word. or a word as in “listen, you’re cute but the kid”–“ you took a deep breath, feeling yourself bubble up. chan grabbed your hand and squeezed it “and, and i was so tired of that. it was so selfish of me and unfair for you and even jooyeon but… for a moment i wanted to feel loved. wanted to have fun. i wanted to cherish those moments because i knew you’d leave too and–“

crystal tears started running down your cheeks. chan pulled you closer, wrapping his arms around you. one hand at the back of your head, caressing your hair soothingly.

“and it’s awful; i’m awful. joo thought i’d leave him for you and i knew you’d leave me because of him. it’s never ending circle and i’ll be alone forever and joo will think it’s his fault and–“ you hiccuped, not realising you’re rambling “and- and i really liked you and your reaction hurt me but it was fully my fault…”

“hey. hey, y/n. calm down, it’s okay” chan whispered, lulling you in his arms. you gradually calmed down, the feeling was full of comfort. comfort and closeness you needed. such a simple move, yet it had soothing effect. this made you realise why joo loved to be out to sleep this way.

leaning away from chan when you finally gained the strength to, he wiped your cheeks.

“i’m sorry, from the bottom of my heart. neither of us didn’t handle it properly. we’re human, we make mistakes. but then we learn. i understand now why… why you were scared. and i’m so… pissed. because listen, y/n” he said, voice stern but not in a disturbing way. his calloused hands took your smaller in his “despite the way i reacted i realised i like you. and… if there’s… joo… then– then it is a bit of a challenge. but when i was thinking about it and did the math… you were 20. alone, young. during studies, during work. you were so brave. you still are. and you handled it on your own. so why i, a man, should be scared of helping you?”

your eyes teared up again, heart beating against your rib cage unusually hard.

“well, i am. because i don’t know how you’ll react, or if he’ll like me, or maybe because simply i’m new to this. but… as i said… i like you. and i really want to spend more time with you. if that means taking care of your son, i’m willing to do so to” chan smiled, dimples showing “especially if he’s as funny as his mom”

suddenly you heard footsteps and giggles, followed by a sudden gasp.

“no mrs lee! i’ll save you!” the oldest boy, gunil, shouted. before you could react, chan was getting beaten up with pillows by six kids. even the shy junhan.

he started laughing and fought back, gently of course.

“does anyone here have tickles?!” chan hummed and the boys squealed, backing away.

“who’s that?” jooyeon asked, tugging your t-shirt.

“he’s a friend of mine. chan. can he watch your performance too?” you asked. chan’s ears perked up.

“performance?” he repeated. jooyeon nodded proudly.

“yes! but our music is for vips only!” seungmin added and just now you realised they grabbed the keyboard from joo’s room. jungsu, seated next to him, nodded shyly.

“okay! i’m a music producer so if you guys want i can give you some tips…?” chan asked, sending you a smile.

“pft! auntie jeongyeon and jihyo are music producers too, they gave us tips already!” joo grunted, walking away “anyway… is the audience ready?”

chan nodded enthusiastically and scooted closer to you. watching the six boys perform, chan sneaked his hand in yours and intertwined your fingers. with a squeeze of his hand your heart skipped a beat; you finally met the right person.

masterlist <3

taglist. @primoppang ,, @l3visbby ,, @laylasbunbunny ,, @slytherinshua ,, @kazmura ,, @nicholasluvbot ,, @ameliesaysshoo ,, @weird-bookworm ,, @dazzlingligth ,, @litepowee ,, @ocean-minho ,, @lessthanpast ,, @s-e-s-a-I-e-n-e

[sunshinebingo]

This took me an embarrassingly long time to write but I finally did it. This fic is a gift to @headcanonheadcase who was one of the first writers that made me fall in love with fanfiction. And is also the one who opened my eyes to the wonders of Gwyn/Ithan. @headcanonheadcase dear, what you do for this fandom (and all the others you write for) is incredible. You are amazing!!

CRACKSHIP ALERT

Pairing: Gwyneth Berdara/Ithan Holstrom Synopsis: Ithan remembers the important events in his relationship with his red wolf, Gwyn, from how it started to where they are now. A recollection of little moments that they shared together. Word Count: 5.7k Warning: A tiny bit of smut

Important A/N: I started writing this waaay before hofas was released so this fic does not follow any canon event past HoSaB. It's not a 'hofas canon-divergence', it's just me posting a crackship fanfic after having it in my drafts for half a year.

Read on Ao3 or proceed below the cut for a snippet

Day 8

“I’m Gwyneth. Gwyn. It’s very nice to meet you,” she shook the hand that he had extended to her after introducing himself. Ithan thanked all the Gods above that he had not gaped at her again like a fool. He had been bracing himself for a conversation with her since he caught a glimpse of her bright hair as she was entering the Prime’s office.

“So, you are new here?” he asked as though he had not already secretly asked everyone at the Den for information about her. He had learned that Gwyneth had just arrived in Lunathion with the intention of settling here. Her grandparents were apparently related to the Prime himself. What had struck Ithan the most had been learning that she was a lone wolf, just like he had been before, even if he was now the only wolf in his pack consisting of an angel, some Fae, a mer, a deer shifter and even a dragon and some fire sprites.

“I am. I live near the Old Square, a few blocks away from the White Raven.”

“Really?” he replied a bit too excitedly before clearing his voice and continuing more calmly. “I mean, I live near the Old Square too.”

The smile that spread on her face could have rivaled the sun ahead. “That’s great. Um… maybe we’ll cross path someday. I mean…” she rambled. Was she nervous too? Ithan thought.

“Not that we aren’t already crossing paths at the Den already,” she added with a laugh while indicating the building behind them.

Ithan noticed the way that she was twisting a strand of hair between her fingers and how she could not stand still. She was nervous too. Somehow, that made him a little less tense.

He has admitted to Gwyn, months and months later, that their encounter on that day had not been accidental at all. He had confessed that he might have forsaken more urgent matters to wait until she would leave the Prime’s office. The tongue-lashing he had gotten from his roommates for being late for what they had planned later that day had been totally worth it.

***

Day 10

“Hello there,” a melodious voice drawled behind him. Ithan turned on the stool he was sitting on at the bar of the White Raven to find Gwyn smiling at him.

If he was not already seated, his first look at her would have made him fall on his ass. Gwyn was glowing in a green velvet dress that clung to her and accentuated all the dips and curves of her body. The makeup she had dusted on her eyelids sparkled beneath the flashing lights of the club, making it impossible not to look at her eyes.

“You look…” damn him and his habit of being speechless in her presence. “You are…” he tried and failed again.

Gwyn erupted in laughter at his flustered state. “I think I will take that as a compliment,” she said as she sat on the empty stool beside him.

“Sorry,” Ithan shook his head, “You are stunning.” Phew. See? That wasn’t so hard to say, he thought.

Gwyn’s cheeks started to flush and Ithan was momentarily mesmerised by the way it made her freckles stand out. “Thank you. And you are very handsome as well.”

Ithan was certain that the heat spreading across his face was close to turning him as red as her hair. Gwyn ordered three drinks and turned back to him.

‘’They’re not all for me,’’ she explained when she noticed his raised eyebrows. She pointed at a blond Fae and a brunette angel on the dance floor. ‘’I came with my sisters.’’

His face must have given away his puzzlement concerning her odd family because Gwyn snorted then proceeded to tell him about her chosen sisters.

A drink was placed in front of him. But instead of making his way towards his table where his own found family was, Ithan stayed at the bar, chatting with Gwyn over the loud music. Either her sisters had forgotten about their drinks, or they did not want to cut their conversation short because, as they talked and talked, Gwyn ended up drinking all three cocktails she had ordered while Ithan kept ordering more for himself. He only took note of the time when he turned around at some point and found that all those he had come with were already gone.

That night, Ithan had talked more than he ever had with anyone else in his entire life. He remembers vividly how she had been the only thing on his mind when he was staring at his ceiling before he fell asleep in the early morning. He had a crush on Gwyn. One that went from little to massive in a matter of one training session with the Aux.

***

[whentherewerebicycles]

phew okay. deep breath in and out! here’s a sweet throwback pic of Pip in the big field by our old house back in june 2020. peak pandemic times but this boy is untroubled by world events! he is full of the Joy of Sprinting! happy little guy! we slept 8:45pm-6:45am last night which is pretty much my ideal sleep schedule these days. I had a lot of intense nightmares in the first trimester but have not had any in the past week or so, which is a nice change. this morning liz and I are going to work together for a couple hours (I would like to finish a rough draft of this rec letter) and then go for a walk with the dogs if she’s feeling ok. also I would like to read more and maybe write with la this afternoon/evening?? sad that the break is almost over but sigh I do feel like I used it well (lots of resting time!). and it’s only 15 more work days (3 weeks) until I fly home to my parents’ for Christmas… I’ll still be working remotely but I suspect it’ll be very chill as people generally start dropping off the map around the 21st or so and don’t resurface until after New Year’s. tomorrow I have an ultrasound at 11 which will eat up most of the morning and then a couple student mtgs, some project work, and class presentations for one of the courses we support. pretty light day to ease back into work. I am lightly nervous about the ultrasound but 1) being able to detect the heartbeat on my own has dramatically decreased my overall feelings of doom, because at least I know he’s alive in there, and 2) the genetic screening bloodwork came back clear, so while there’s still a possibility I could get bad news tomorrow I think it’s less likely now.

[qinghe-s]

 @br-disaster​ said wow that's so many!! and OMG i wanna know eveything about the apocalypse one!! I didn't know you cultivated those brainworms haha (also the "wife...." one made me very curious ) so!

(under a cut because this got so long. this is why no one should talk to me, i don’t know how to shut up lmao)

the apocalypse one exists because of this fanart and conversations that followed, and as a lover of apocalyptic settings (you don’t want to know how many hours i’ve spent on the fallout games) i did what i always do and started Thinking About It

so far i have a clear vision of, as we talked about, nhs unwilling to give up luxuries because they matter to him. he gets joy out of frivolity and nmj can’t relate to that. i have a scene outlined in the early days of the apocalypse where they’re in a department store or mall or something and nhs is “wasting time” picking up unnecessary items. they argue about it and nhs storms off, stressed out and furious, and an equally enraged nmj lets him go (yes this IS referencing the scene where nmj destroys all nhs’ stuff in canon). obviously nhs encounters zombies (z nation is an intergral part of my personality, it’s Gotta be zombie apocalypse) and obviously nmj eventually comes to his rescue. they cry and hug about it and it doesn’t fix everything but it helps them level with each other and serves as a catalyst for them to understand each other better. soooo many mushy feelings in the middle of misery and death!

the main goal would just be sibling feelings, seeing each other as whole human beings, Good Shit. but i’m me so i’m obviously contemplating throwing in nielan 😌 i just haven’t thought too deeply about how to incorporate the lans yet

the wife one was a thought i had after talking to mirf about... i think that one drama where cao yuchen plays a character who has to crossdress because of reasons? and bc mirf and i are both constantly blorbofying everything we started hammering out how to make it nielan. idr the exact circumstance but somehow mirf referred to nmj as lxc’s wife and it burned itself into my brain immediately.

at first it was going to just be silly, someone asks which one of them is “the wife”, nmj says it’s him bc they both know the assumption is Not That and straight people are weird. it’s a funny joke to them, lxc starts referring to his wife at work out of habit, the way some couples say ‘mum’ or ‘dad’ so often to their children they start calling each other that, and when nmj comes for a company dinner or whatever everyone is REALLY SURPRISED and nielan get a good laugh out of it. but i’m Me so i poured a little too much feelings into it! here’s a rough draft;

PHEW. okay now i’m gonna go write, thank you for indulging me ♥

[dorizardthewizard]

Ninjago Crystalized E22 - E30 thoughts

forgot this was in my drafts

EP 22

ronin is a legend. he got done so dirty like... he had such a good arc in s5 only for the writers to revert him to a generic thief. and the ninja were just chill with getting him locked up in ninjago’s prison for the worst criminals?? what the hell guys. add onto this how corrupt/ incompetent the leadership and justice systems in ninjago seem and... phew, that’s some bootlicking from our favourite little legos /hj

nya knowing stuff about plants is so cute. let them have more interests outside of ninja-ing!

the production value on these fights really is good

oh wow master wu could really use an elemental dragon right about now!

"i fished out the last one" LOL

doing it again in the same canal LMAO thats an L having to give wu mouth to mouth. also not sure that’s what you should do with someone who still has water in their lungs

EP 23

aww cute jaya moments

nya has her powers back! wow i sure enjoyed her well developed arc that was so worth them bringing her back!! /s

aww i love these kids having their own little counterattack. kiddos aren’t your families looking for you?

love how antonia went from wanting to quit to being adamant they should fight back

"i am not about to lead a bunch of children against the embodiment of evil and darkness!" soooo like every other season? "that never stopped you before!" TOOK THE WORDS RIGHT OUTTA MY MOUTH LOL DRAG HIM

kind of surprising just how many times wu wants to quit and others have to remind him that ninja never quit, my brother in fsm you taught them that

btw this should have been the s10 ending just oni instead of the overlord. still mad about how rushed that season was.

EP 24

honestly idc about lloyd’s whole angst with his dad, they act like sensei garmadon never existed. evil garmadon hasn’t even been around long enough for lloyd to be super disappointed in him on a personal level like that. why can’t he instead be angry at this garm because he’s not the father he remembers and only serves as a walking reminder that he’ll never see sensei garmadon again.

dragon form let’s goooo

side note i miss lloyd saying dregon

omg the ice emperor are we actually talking about this

oh we're just gonna brush over it and make it a joke. got it.

RONIN MVPPP

borg tower yet againnnn also this guy was so focused on his projects he didn’t realise the apocalypse was happening? i love him

pixal: ronin why are you helping us?

WOW WE REALLY JUST IGNORED SEASON 5 HUH JUSTICE FOR RONIN

EP 25

few notes here bc i was too busy staring at the lava

the way he softly calls coles name when he wakes up ToT

kai fighting by himself to protect cole dsfgsd lowkey wish that fight had been extended for the wump but also so skylor can come just in the nick of time

i like the implication that skylor doesnt keep those powers forever, she has to touch an elemental master again to “recharge” so to speak. makes her much less op so that’s cool.

wu broadcasting on all frequencies but wouldn’t the bad guys hear him too?

that transition from the ninja running over the manhole to lloyd and garmadon being in the sewers is super cool. i love cinema.

lloyd's argument with garmadon gives the implication he's mad at him for never being a good father but THATS A MOVIE PLOT NOT THE SERIES ARRRRGHH

what could’ve been cool if instead they made lloyd not want to embrace his oni side bc he's scared of the anger and resentment building up in him over all these years of being the green ninja. y’know like the fandom keeps harping on about but is never actually portrayed in the show.

one thing i like about these new seasons is the clear motifs and musical character themes. paper delivery professionals for the win.

the paper kids wearing home made outfits with pots on their heads gives me such codename kids next d00r vibes

actually i like these post apocalyptic vibes, with everyone trying to look for each other and hiding but rallying secretly.

aww that happy moment with the family then kai and skylor hhhhngngng if only they delved more into skylor and her childhood crying

EP 26

omg kai finally having his speech skills back!!!

weeeeell kinda. actually it's effective lol he's so cute with kids.

had to pause this skylor and kai moment bc im dying from cringe. also lmao all these seasons and they weren't really together? oh he hasn't even spoken to her all this time?? skylor was at nya's funeral i swear ToT

here's an F for the lava fans. it was a pleasure shipping with you o7

zane is broken yet agaaaaim

if jay and the others could figure out the hint about the newspapers then surely the bad guys could

RACER 7 I MISSED YOUUUUUUUU

also she's basically antonia lmao could they not have thought of a different design

"that paycheck of yours? kiss it goodbye"

I LOVE HER

stop fakeout deathing me with zane lmao we've done this 50 times already. wow she gave up pretty quickly huh.

oh for god's sake they'll reverse the fakeout death THAT quickly? i give up. and he lives just because of an emotional speech? please

can't believe tommy made a big deal about this and made everyone think they would split up somehow. oh wait he does that all the time and the fandom runs away with it every time. if you wanted emotional moments for zane and pixal you had a story about suppressing grief and trauma right there! why was pixal ok with him completely turning off his emotions earlier anyway?

oh well pixal's squeal of delight was adorable though

EP 27

lloyd: relying on others isn’t weak!

cheers i’ll drink to that. again this could have been really impactful after an arc about trusting too much to mistrusting too much to finally hitting that balance.

cuta jaya moment but nya's arc this season is basically generic “believe in yourself” and like. we've done that before. they literally just brought her back to return to the status quo for the “last” season.

racer 7: speed. i am speed.

ok i know i complain about ignoring the old seasons but at least they tried to tie in the other new seasons like calling vania and benthomar and all that. it's basically a replacement for when previous seasons would bring back the other EMs and such and i guess it makes sense since this is a different era of ninjago. all of that falls apart when they insist on bringing back characters like garmadon though...

oh finally they didn’t fall into the canal for once!

oh no if they make cole and vania get together i’m gonna...read the entire hs epilogues and hs2. worst thing i could think of.

the others are either gonna find another way to find out what happened and come to help them in the nick of time, or this was just a way of explaining why no one else came to help.

EP 28

oops i watched the final eps drunk after a party and I still haven’t gone back to rewatch them ^^; umm fun moments, dragon form was ???? out of nowhere and should have had a whole season centred around achieving this form, Nya’s character regressed, rushed ending considering how much history they had to tie up, llorumi bad and i miss those little legos already

[awesomeuchuu]

PHEW cleared out my inbox!!!

still have to work on my drafts but one thing at the time

now i go play more video games >.>

[xxdragonwriterxx]

🔥Shattered Me🔥

A/N: Hey guys! Phew this is a long one! It’s also really angsty so sorry not sorry about that. It’s not all angsty, I promise, but this one was both fun and torturous to write. I’m just a huge fan of the amnesia fics so I wanted to give it a try for myself as well as add a little twist to it! I know I have a lot of requests in my inbox and I wanted to let you guys know that I am currently working on two of them at the moment that will hopefully be out soon! This fic has just been in my drafts for a while and I finally had time to edit it so I figured this would suffice for now until I can get some of my requests finished up! I hope you enjoy!

[TW: mentions of manipulation, attempted sexual assault, violence, and cursing (it’s Levi, duh). You guys know how I am about nonconsensual content, so none of that is explicitly stated nor described, I just wanted to make things clear going into it! Also, while this fic is not 18+ I would very much appreciate audiences staying in the 16+ range due to certain themes. Thank you!]

🐉 Song Recommendation: “Zephyrus” by The Oh Hellos 🐉

Word Count: ~9.7k

~~~

Levi had experienced a lot of loss in his life, that much was obvious. From the death of his mother as a toddler, to watching his two closest friends get ripped to shreds in front of his very eyes, to losing his squad to the Female Titan in various gruesome ways, it was clear that the poor man was haunted. But he knew in that moment that nothing could compare to what he was seeing right now. Aside from watching her being eaten of course, but this was a very close second, as he watched himself lose (Y/N) in a different way.

Amnesia. He had never thought about the condition much, only attempting to console the few soldiers who had suffered from it after a horrible accident, telling them about their lives until they were able to be handled by a doctor, friend, or family member. But now, the idea was front dead center in his mind as he watched his lover from across the Mess Hall, trying his hardest not to kill the bastard who was sitting next to her with his arm curled possessively around her waist.

Levi hadn’t been there when it happened, only hearing about the attack from her squad after the fighting was over and the dust had settled. Apparently, she had killed a titan to save one of her squad members, only to get caught in the crossfire when an abnormal had jumped at her from below. She had managed to twist out of the way before her body could be bitten in half, but the sharp, sudden maneuver had caused her to slam into a tree. By the time Levi had finally heard about the incident, (Y/N) had already been placed in the medical wagon, her head wrapped in bandages as everyone just hoped the amazing Squad Leader would live to see another day.

While he could’ve cried out in joy when the doctors finally announced she would make a full physical recovery, he had never felt a dread quite like the kind he had felt when they also informed him that she had no memory of who she was nor what she did for a living. She had no memory of Levi nor the Survey Corps whatsoever, despite having been by Levi’s side since their early days in the Underground.

At first, Levi had tried everything in his power to get her to remember him. He had taken her out on trail rides like they had done when they were too busy for proper dates. He had made her coffee the way she liked since she isn’t as much of a fan of tea as he is. He had even sat her down and recounted to her the many memories they shared, spanning from the time she had saved his ass in the Underground to the time she had confessed to him one stormy night in his office. Nothing had worked, but he had refused to give up, talking to her everyday and trying his hardest to help her regain her memories. Until the day he saw them together.

Levi had nearly ripped the man’s throat out when he had seen him cuddling up to (Y/N), nuzzling her face and kissing her throat, only to be stopped by Erwin and Hanji holding him back and forcing him into an empty room to talk things over with him. It had pained them to see their friend hurting this way, but it wouldn’t be right to force (Y/N) to be with him, not when he was essentially a stranger to her. 

Levi felt a soft hand on his shoulder, snapping him out of his thoughts, and turned to see Miche looking at him with a pained expression on his face, his green eyes showing Levi his own anguish at the situation. Levi looked away, unable to hold his friend’s gaze for long, and shrugged his hand off of him.

“Levi…”

“What?” Levi snapped at Hanji’s soft coo of his name.

“I…” the scientist glanced over at (Y/N) from across the hall, her eyes threatening to spill over with tears when she saw her friend and the random cadet together. “I’m so sorry.”

Levi didn’t respond with anything but a low growl, trying to look anywhere but at them, only to fail when his eyes betrayed him, locking onto his girlfriend no matter how much he begged himself to look somewhere else. The tray of food sat untouched in front of him despite the fork he held in his hand, slowly rolling the utensil through his fingers as he watched the pair interact.

The cadet’s name was Brandon Rio, a boy that was rumored to be funny, polite, and wildly popular amongst the other cadets, always willing to lend a hand while simultaneously being the life of the party in every situation. He was tall and had light brown hair with a sandy undertone, his blue eyes shining as he looked down at (Y/N), who was giggling at a joke he told her. Levi knew because he had done extensive research on the boy, obsessed with knowing everything there was to know about him despite the fact that he knew he should just harden his heart and move on. He knew it would be for the best that way, to seal away his battle worn heart behind strong walls just as he had done in every other tragic situation in his life, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it.

(Y/N) had burst into his life in the Underground, refusing to take no for an answer when she had point blank stated she was coming to live with him after saving his ass from a group of thugs. He had been frustratingly annoyed with her at first, her confident personality throwing his carefully structured plan for survival completely out of whack. But he had slowly but surely come to love the little spitfire, his spitfire, counting on her to watch his back as they made their way through the world together, as she tore down his walls brick by brick and blasted through his cold personality like it was made of paper. 

Even though she had forgotten all of that, he couldn’t just leave her. Whether she knew it or not, he was still her best friend, her guardian, and her lover. If he had to love and protect her from afar, then so be it.

But it hurt so bad. Levi could hardly stand it when he saw them together, his heart fighting with his brain as he mulled over killing the boy and making (Y/N) hate him forever or suffering alone for the rest of his days.

Levi’s whole body tensed, his muscles as tight as a steel rod when Brandon leaned over and nibbled on (Y/N)’s ear, making her squeal with delight. Each little action that brought a smile to her face that was made by the other man was a stab to Levi’s heart, but there was nothing he could do about it. He felt so broken, so alone, and yet the one thing that had always been able to heal him in the past without fail, was sitting at the other end of the room, snuggled in the embrace of another man. 

Suddenly, Levi couldn’t take it anymore. The raven-haired Captain downed the rest of his piping hot tea in a single gulp, ignoring the way it burned his throat like fire, and stood from his chair so fast the whole table shuddered.

“I’m going to my room,” Levi stated before turning on his heel and leaving the Mess Hall, not waiting for a response from his friends.

The other superior officers looked at each other in alarm, concern for both of their close friends only growing more intense with each passing day. None of them had failed to notice the dark bags under Levi’s eyes, the messiness of his hair despite his usual clean freak tendencies, the fact that he barely ate anything, leading to his normally toned, athletic body to become weaker with each passing day. None of them had ever been more worried about Levi, and yet there was nothing they could do but watch from the sidelines, their gazes trained on (Y/N) and her new boyfriend, feeling queasy at the sight.

Levi was dragging his feet as he wandered down the halls. He didn’t really know where he was going, and he would’ve stayed in his room if it weren’t for the restless feeling that was plaguing him, urging him to move his feet even when he didn’t really want to.

He idly wondered if he was losing his mind. He had never acted this way before, even when Isabel and Farlan had been ripped away from him. He had been wracked with grief, sure, but this felt different. Maybe it was the fact that she wasn’t really gone, just unreachable for him. Maybe it was the jealousy that was poisoning him, slowly killing him in the most painful way possible. 

His entire being ached for her as he walked down the halls, not really seeing anything as he moved. She had always known what to say to him to make him feel better. He knew that if she were here, she would subtly grab his hand and tug him back to his quarters, where she would hold him and stroke his hair, murmuring words of comfort to him and letting him lean on her both physically and emotionally.

But she wasn’t here.

His heart was shattered into even more tiny pieces at the thought of her doing those things for Brandon. The thought of her holding him and kissing him as he held her against him, his face buried in her neck, made him want to be sick.

Shaking his head, Levi tried to force those thoughts out of his mind, focusing on putting one foot in front of the other. Making his way through the labyrinth of the Survey Corps headquarters, Levi decided to set his sights on Hanji’s office, hoping her loud personality and rambunctious antics would take his mind off of things for a while. His strides were brisk, forcing himself to move as fast as possible so as to avoid losing himself in front of everyone, if it came to that.

He was just passing Erwin’s office when a voice made him pause and retrace his steps, moving to peer through the slightly opened door. His eyes widened when he caught sight of Brandon, his arms crossed as he faced the Commander, who was staring him down with a cold, hard look; Hanji giving him a more venomous look from beside Erwin.

“Look, I don’t know what you two are playing at, but I’m not breaking up with my girlfriend just because a superior officer is pining after her. She is mine, and I’m not giving her up,” Brandon said, making Levi work hard to suppress the growl that bubbled in his throat.

Erwin sighed in obvious annoyance, his hand coming up to rub at his temple. “Cadet Rio, Captain Levi isn’t pining after (Y/N). As I said before, she is his girlfriend, they’ve been lovers for years, but her accident out in the field made her forget her relationship with him. This isn’t about you, it’s about helping them rebuild the relationship they once had until (Y/N) gets her memories back, and we would really appreciate it if you would be a bit more cooperative.”

It was clear that Erwin was trying to be patient with the boy. Levi didn’t know how long this conversation had been going on, but something about the way his two friends were acting towards Brandon told him it had been going on for a while. Brandon frowned at the two officers in front of him and tapped his foot in frustration.

“Listen, I understand what you guys are trying to do for your friend, and I think it’s nice that you are trying to make him happy, but (Y/N) confessed to me before we started going out. Whatever they had before her accident, doesn’t exist anymore, and I’m not going to make things worse by breaking it off with the best thing in my life, so stop trying to convince me otherwise.”

Levi saw spots in his vision as he fought to stay conscious. She had confessed to him? The past two weeks had been absolutely miserable, but Levi had been able to pull through by telling himself over and over again that some part of her still loved him, that this was all just part of the amnesia. But Brandon’s words made him rethink everything. She had confessed to him? Of her own volition? Even when Levi had still been trying to revive her lost memories?

Levi leaned against the wall for support. Did this mean that none of it was real? Looking at Brandon, he could see the appeal. Brandon was tall and handsome, with shining blue eyes and soft, wavy hair. He had a chiseled jawline and his longer hair framed his face nicely, giving him a very attractive look, especially in his Scouts uniform. He was nothing like Levi, the short, raven-haired man with piercing silver eyes completely different from the warm appearance of the younger cadet.

Levi fought to breathe properly, feeling like his throat was closing. He was drowning as the negative thoughts continued to flood through his system like a damn tsunami. Of course she would confess to him, how could Levi possibly compare? He was always so cold and closed off, no wonder she had immediately gravitated towards someone who was open and loving. It was like comparing a reserved lone wolf to a fluffy brown bear. Of course she would go for the man who could compliment her easily, give her the love and affection she deserves. He wouldn’t even be surprised if she had been waiting for a way to let him go before her accident had even happened, only to be gifted with the perfect opportunity to leave him, no strings attached.

Memories of their time together flitted through his mind then. The warm cuddles either in the morning when they were still sleepy or by the fire on a rare day off, the massages she would so graciously provide when she knew he was sore, ignoring his protests and making him feel good anyway, the kisses she would give him, making him feel so loved as she showed him what it was like to receive affection. Was any of it real? If it wasn’t, it was no wonder he had never noticed, everything had felt so genuine.

 Breaking the Captain, it was something that nobody had ever done before, maybe it was all just a game, something to be able to display to everyone, the heart she held in her hand like a trophy.

Levi shook his head at the last thought. (Y/N) would never do something like that. Even if she hadn’t been in love with him, she would never be cruel like that. She wasn’t evil, and she had still been his best friend before the accident, so it wasn’t likely she had had any intention of hurting him. What had most likely happened was, she had discovered his feelings for her and had confessed to him out of pity. The thought made his heart clench, but he knew it was a better thought than the alternative. 

Levi was about to stumble back to his room, unable to deal with this anymore, when Hanji’s voice cut through the air, sharp, angry, and full of venom.

“That’s a lie and you know it, Cadet. I was there when you confessed to (Y/N) two weeks ago. She didn’t even know you at the time because of her amnesia, she had no reason to come up to you nor admit any feelings for you, unless she is some super human who has the ability to develop undying feelings for a person on sight. You asked her out knowing she had just lost her memory, you fucking bastard.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Brandon snapped back.

“What the hell is wrong with you!? Can you not see how much it is affecting both of them? You’re just willing to sit back and fuck with people’s lives as if they’re pawns in your chess game? (Y/N) lost her memory, and yet you are still willing to manipulate her?” Hanji roared, her seething anger able to be felt all the way out in the hall.

“Hanji, please,” Erwin said, although it was obvious his warning call of her name was only half-hearted. “Cadet, I don’t know what you think you’re doing, but this needs to stop. (Y/N) may not remember it, but she is still a high ranking officer, and the harassment of said officer is not tolerated here, so once again, I implore you, please cooperate with us.”

“Now listen here, Commander, I have been in love with (Y/N) ever since she was brought up from the Underground when I first laid eyes on her. In the past, she always ignored me, I’m sure she didn’t even know my name before now, even before her accident, but that is only because she was clouded by her old life in the Underground. She learned early on that she could only trust a few people  to ensure her survival, and so when she came to the surface, she didn’t stray from that lesson, and settled for her very limited options in the end.”

“This amnesia is doing a service for her, not inhibiting her. It freed her from her past and opened her eyes to the real benefits life has to offer. I have worked too hard for too long for this, so if you think for one second that I’m just going to nonchalantly let her go and watch as you use your rankings to have your way with her, you are dumber than I thought, and I won’t hesitate to report you for sexual misconduct.”

Erwin and Hanji were speechless as they stared at the normally polite, boisterous young man that was very popular amongst the other scouts. Neither of them could believe how much they had underestimated this man, this new side of him rearing its ugly head in their faces for the first time. They had both thought this would be an easy conversation. They had expected him to be disappointed, maybe even upset but still cooperative, as his usual personality suggested. They had not been prepared for the fact that this man was purposely manipulating the people around him for his own personal gain.

Erwin opened his mouth, about to say something in response when the door to his office slammed open so hard it bounced off the wall. Erwin and Hanji snapped their heads up, both of them hoping it was (Y/N) having overheard the conversation, only to see a very angry Captain standing in the doorway, his whole body tensed to strike and his eyes promising a painful death unlike any other as they settled on Brandon’s shocked form.

Erwin and Hanji were both grateful for their fast reflexes and quick thinking as they simultaneously lunged for Levi as he flew at Brandon, just barely managing to catch their friend as he aimed to kill. The two officers held their Captain back as he thrashed against their holds, fighting to claw Brandon’s eyes out.

“You… fucking… bastard… using (Y/N) for your… own personal gain!” Levi snarled in between panting breaths. His eyes were wild with hatred, burning into Brandon as the young man scrambled on the floor from where he had fallen, his hands flailing in an attempt to help himself up. Levi lunged again and his friends almost lost their grip on him.

“Levi! Get a grip on yourself!” Erwin growled.

“We will figure this out, Levi, but you have to stop! If you kill him, he will just win,” Hanji murmured to him, tightening her grip on his arms tight enough to bruise.

Levi was just about to snap back at them when a growl made everyone in the room freeze.

“Excuse me? What the hell is going on here!?”

Everyone turned to see (Y/N) standing in the doorway, a murderous look on her face as her eyes flickered between Brandon on the floor and Levi being held back by two commanding officers.

“(Y/N), I-”

“Shut up!” (Y/N) snapped when Levi tried to talk, making his eyes widen.

Throwing a dirty look at the three officers in the room, (Y/N) darted over to Brandon, kneeling on the floor to check him over and help him up off the ground. “Babe, are you okay?” She cooed.

“Yeah, I’m alright, better now that you’re here,” Brandon murmured, taking her extended hand and lifting himself from the floor, before pulling her to him and anchoring her to his side.

“What the actual fuck is wrong with you!?” (Y/N) snarled as she turned to face Levi, her face immediately changing from one of love and concern when she looked at Brandon to one of fury.

“(Y/N), please, I was just-”

“No, just nothing! I don’t know who the fuck you think you are but you need to stop what you’re doing, right now. I endured you taking me everywhere, and talking to me every day, and trying to be a part of my life every minute of every day, but this is where I draw the fucking line. I know you like me or something, but this obsessive behavior has gone far enough. Attacking my boyfriend to claim me as your own? Do you really think I’d ever fall into bed with you just because you get rid of my lover? You’re disgusting.”

For the first time in all of their time knowing him, Hanji and Erwin saw and felt Levi flinch. His eyes were closed and a few tears even fell from his eyelids to slide down his cheeks, making their eyes widen in shock.

Levi on the other hand felt like he was being buried alive. Each word she said was a new slice to his very soul, breaking him bit by bit until even the great Captain Levi couldn’t hold in the tears, even in front of Brandon. He had never been vulnerable in front of an enemy before, having learned early on from Kenny that it was detrimental to do so, but he couldn’t help himself, his body starting to shake as her words ground him to dust.

“P-Please,” Levi whimpered softly, begging her. Another thing he hadn’t done since he was young, when he was a dying four year old, begging his mother to wake up after she died.

Something flickered in (Y/N)’s eyes, something he couldn’t read, but it was gone just as quickly as it appeared, making Levi question if it had been there in the first place or if his mind was once again being cruel to him, showing him the things he desperately wanted to see. 

“I’m sorry, I don’t know what we had before, if anything, if this isn’t just some ruse you created to get me to spread my legs for you,” (Y/N) said, making Levi wince again. “But the old me is gone. If we really were something before, I’m sorry it had to end this way, but it’s clear that you can’t let me live the life I want to live. Brandon is my lover, but since you can’t get that through your thick skull, I need you to get the hell out of my life and never come back.”

Erwin and Hanji felt the panic rise in their chests, building and clawing until it was suffocating both of them, and they weren’t even on the receiving end of (Y/N)’s wrath. Neither of them could even begin to fathom the pain Levi was in. Hanji opened her mouth, about to say something, what, she had no clue, but she was determined to make (Y/N) see reason, when Levi stood up straight, gently prying himself from their holds. He looked at (Y/N) for a moment longer, his eyes filled with love and heartbreaking sorrow, before he nodded curtly once and left the room, not looking back.

“Come on, babe, let’s go get some food from the Mess Hall,” Brandon said, breaking Hanji and Erwin out of their shock. Turning, both officers saw (Y/N) holding Brandon’s arm, her eyes trained on him as she checked him for injuries, the loving look in her eyes making both of her friends want to vomit or cry or both.

“That sounds like a good idea,” (Y/N) said before looking at the two officers in front of her. “Thank you, for stopping that man from hurting Brandon. I do appreciate it, especially since I’m sure it was difficult with him being your close friend and all.”

(Y/N) then left, Brandon leading her out of Erwin’s office, not waiting for a response from the stunned pair.

If Levi’s friends were worried about him before, there weren’t enough words in their language to describe how concerned they were for him now. The normally active Captain hardly ever came out of his room, sitting at his desk with his head in his hands for hours, piles of unfinished reports sitting scattered around the room, leaving one of the other superior officers to come in and pick up the slack.

He looked horrible. His normally clean, neat hair was messy and his clothes were thrown on haphazardly. His skin was a pasty pale color, his eyes sunken into the dark circles that had taken up permanent residence under his lids. His body was weaker than ever before, the lack of food making him look sickly. He never slept, sometimes even going so far as to collapse when his body finally gave out. Hanji often went to his room to force him to eat a little, making sure he drank water and calming him down when she found him pacing restlessly around his room. The man was a wreck, completely lost after his lover’s harsh rejection of him.

Hanji sighed as she walked through the halls, her mind preoccupied with her friend’s condition. She knew she should be focused on the upcoming expedition, but she had no room left in her mind for that. She honestly didn’t know what they were going to do. One of their most powerful Squad Leaders had amnesia and was in no place to lead, while Humanity’s Strongest was too sick to fight, too lost in his grief and self-loathing to do more than get eaten should he be released outside the walls.

She was headed to his office, something in her gut telling her she needed to be with him right now. She hated leaving him in the first place, genuinely worried he would do something reckless, but she also knew he needed his space to figure things out. Losing (Y/N) was the hardest thing Levi has ever had to overcome, she couldn’t do it for him, no matter how much she wanted to. She knew Levi loved (Y/N) more than he had ever loved anyone in his life, making it difficult for her or any of their other friends to help him. They could only imagine how he was feeling, he was the only one who knew for sure, so they were forced to resort to the few comforting techniques they did know, fighting to help their hurting friend in any way possible.

When she neared his office, the sound of retching made her eyes widen and her strides lengthen until she was sprinting for the door. She burst in to see Levi dry heaving over his trash can, his eyes squeezed shut as he fought against another wave of nausea. Glancing out the window where she could see the entire courtyard, Hanji saw (Y/N) and Brandon sitting together beneath a tree, the same tree she and Levi used to cuddle beneath, (Y/N) kissing Brandon senseless while sitting straddled across his lap. The sight alone was enough to make Hanji gag, so she quickly tore her eyes from the sight and focused on Levi, sliding to the ground beside him and raising a hand to rub his back in comforting circles.

“T-Thank you, Hanji,” Levi croaked after a moment of silence when he’d finished.

“It’s nothing, Levi, don’t you worry about a thing,” Hanji murmured, rubbing his back more, digging her fingers in a little to help release a bit of his tension.

Levi fell silent again for a long while, slowly sitting back on his haunches, leaning away from the trash can in front of him. Hanji allowed him to lose himself to his thoughts for a while, staying quiet as she just appraised her friend, making a mental note to bring him more food soon.

“It hurts, Hanji. It really hurts.”

The sound of his voice finally broke Hanji. The normally joyful, energetic scientist succumbed to the despair in her heart. She choked out a sob and threw herself at the short man, curling her arms around him and pulling him to her chest. She felt Levi stiffen in her hold, unused to the gesture from anyone but (Y/N), but he eventually relaxed in her grasp and reached up to pat her arm, his way of showing his gratitude.

“I am so sorry, Levi, I am so so sorry…” Hanji whispered over and over again as she held him, causing him to finally let the dam break, his own tears sliding down his cheeks.

“I am too, Hanji,” Levi murmured. “I miss her so fucking much.”

“I know, I miss her too,” Hanji said, images of the times she hung out with (Y/N) flashing through her head. 

Before her accident, Hanji had been (Y/N)’s best friend aside from Levi, the two often laughing and joking late into the night when she wasn’t hanging out with Levi. Now, (Y/N) always avoided Hanji, her body tense when she saw the scientist. Despite having thanked Hanji for saving Brandon, the incident in Erwin’s office had shaken (Y/N), making her wary of the scientist and the Commander. 

She knew she couldn’t hold a candle to the pain Levi was in right now, but she did know a little bit about how he was feeling, having lost one of her closest friends to this incident. She missed (Y/N) so much, missed hanging out with her late into the night or while they ate in the Mess Hall, missed doing experiments together and fawning over the discoveries they made, missed bouncing ideas off of each other during meetings and causing trouble when they were alone, making Levi and Erwin roll their eyes affectionately at their two lovers spending time together.

“I don’t know how much longer I can stand this, Hanji,” Levi said so softly she wondered if she had imagined it, even when she knew she hadn’t. Somehow, her heart broke even more.

“I’ve got you, Levi. Please, hold on, for me, for the Scouts, for (Y/N). Just hold on a little bit longer, and everything will be okay,” Hanji knew she was lying. (Y/N) may never get her memories back, but she also knew it was what Levi needed at that moment. “I’m here, Levi, and I know I’m not (Y/N), but I’ll be here for you until she can take over again, okay?”

Levi nodded, not trusting himself to speak, but was more grateful than he could express for his friend being there for him. The two sat like that, comforting each other as they held each other on the floor, wishing for the pain to go away.

(Y/N) blinked the sleep away as the sun shining through the window woke her up, the harsh light making her groan and sit up in an attempt to escape the stabbing pain in her eyes. Reaching up, she rubbed her face and sighed, fighting the urge to yawn. She had slept horribly, again. She had no idea why, but every night since she was told her memories had been lost, she had been unable to sleep for more than a few hours at a time before she shot awake, sweating and shaking. She had no idea what could possibly cause this phenomenon, but she was starting to get frustrated. Every night she was left breathless, scared, and sweaty but she had no way to fix it, despite the fact that her body was screaming at her to look for a solution. It was almost as if her body knew how to help her, but her brain hadn’t caught up yet.

(Y/N) glanced to the empty spot beside her, her brow furrowing as she frowned at the cold space. That was another strange thing. Whenever she went to sleep, she always felt like something was missing, almost like she was supposed to have someone or something in the bed with her. 

An image of a man with jet black hair and intense silver eyes flashed in her mind and she shook her head quickly. She had no idea why his face kept appearing in her dreams but she was starting to get annoyed. Was it because of how he had pursued her for so long before their confrontation? Was it because he had tried to attack Brandon? Was it because of the look of utter pain and despair on his face when she had snapped at him? She shook her head again with an irritated growl, trying to force thoughts of the handsome Captain from her mind.

She finally succeeded when the sound of her door opening made her look up, her lips breaking into a smile at the sight of her boyfriend carrying a tray of food for her. Surprisingly, an odd feeling of unease settled in her gut beside her happiness at seeing him, something that had happened every time she saw him. It made her angry, almost like her heart didn’t like him even when her brain told her she did. It was so disorienting, why would she be nervous at the thought of her own boyfriend? He had never been anything but kind and loving, so why did she feel like a part of herself hated him with every fiber?

“Morning sunshine!” Brandon cooed as he placed the tray on her bedside table and leaned in to kiss her. “Sleep well?”

(Y/N) hummed in response but felt that strange, uneasy feeling swell to a peak when he kissed her. That was something that had been happening a lot lately too, no matter how many times she kissed him, no matter how much time she spent with him, her stomach always churned whenever their lips met. There were a few times when she even worried she was going to vomit all over him. It wasn’t like she found his lips to be unsavory, they were warm and plush and soft, and always made her own lips feel tingly, but something about him made her body balk at the idea of kissing him.

In an attempt to quell this feeling, (Y/N) had even straddled his lap when kissing him the other day in the courtyard, hoping that if she made herself feel more confident that the feeling would go away, wondering if it was maybe just nerves that made her feel so weird. Unfortunately, no matter how many times their lips met underneath that tree, she still felt gross. In fact, the feeling had gotten worse under the tree, as if the tree were some sort of taboo place to be with Brandon. Everything was making (Y/N)’s head hurt and she was considering going to the infirmary to see if she was experiencing some sort of side effect from her accident.

“Hey babe, something wrong?” Brandon asked, snapping her out of her thoughts.

“What?”

“Oh, you just seem hesitant, like you’re kind of out of it lately, are you alright? Levi hasn’t been harassing you again, has he?”

The sound of Levi’s name made her body warm as another image of him flashed in her mind. (Y/N) paused at the reaction, her heart practically humming in her chest as she thought about his gorgeous features and soft silver eyes. Quickly waving him away, (Y/N) shook her head.

“Oh no, I haven’t seen him at all since that day in the Commander’s office. I’m just feeling off today, I think I’m still a little sick from my accident so I might go to the infirmary later, see if there is something they can give me to help my head.”

(Y/N) was startled when she suddenly felt a hand on her thigh, her eyes snapping over to meet Brandon’s icy blue ones, quickly realizing how much closer he had gotten to her. (Y/N) slid back, moving until her back was pressed up against the headboard, the pillows cushioning her ass as she sat on top of them.

“B-Brandon?”

“Mmmm, (Y/N),” Brandon purred, sending a shiver down (Y/N)’s spine, and not the good kind. “I have an idea on how I can make you feel a little better.”

“What are you doing? Brandon?”

“You.”

His eyes darted from her eyes to her lips and then trailed down the rest of her body, making her hyper aware of the fact that she was just wearing a t-shirt and some low cut sleep shorts. He licked his lips, making (Y/N)’s heartbeat spike. Something about this was wrong. Really wrong.

Her thoughts were suddenly cut off by the feeling of his lips smashing into hers, his tongue shoving its way past her lips to lick at her mouth. (Y/N) let out a noise of surprise and tensed completely, her entire body screaming at her one thing: 

This is not right. Something is wrong. Get the fuck out of there. 

Shaking herself out of her shock, (Y/N) placed her hands on his chest and pushed him away from her, breathing hard as he parted from her and licked his lips again.

“B-Brandon, s-stop! I don’t want this.”

“Oh? Why not, sweetheart? We’ve been dating for a while now, I think it’s about time you reward my patience with something I want to do.”

“I’m not ready for something like this, Brandon. My head is still really fucked up right now and I don’t want to rush into anything, not when I can’t make decisions for myself without knowing all of the information I need to know. I am not ready to take this next step and I need you to respect that. Please, get off of me.”

To her horror, Brandon just came in closer, his arms caging her in, trapping her against the headboard. His eyes were bright with a wicked look, but she also noticed the anger that coiled in them too, making her heart leap in her throat.

“I’ve been very patient, (Y/N). I’ve waited for a long time for this, and now I am tired of waiting. Let me have you. Now.”

“We’ve only been dating for a month!” (Y/N) shouted, anger swirling down to mix with her fear, making her sit up a little taller.

“Oh, (Y/N), I’ve wanted you for far longer than that. I may have only been able to call you mine for a month now, but I’ve lusted after you for years, since I first met you.”

That was when (Y/N) realized something, her brow furrowing at his words.

“If you’ve loved me for so long, why didn’t we date before I lost my memories? Clearly you weren’t too nervous to confess to me, since you did just that a month ago, and you told me during your confession that you happened to see me from across the Mess Hall and thought I was pretty so you asked me out, so I know we didn’t date before and I just forgot about it. What are you hiding from me?”

Brandon’s eyes widened before they narrowed and darkened, giving him a dangerous look. Quicker than she could react, Brandon grabbed both of her wrists in his hands and pinned them above her head. (Y/N)’s eyes widened in fear and shock as Brandon rutted against her, his hard cock grinding against her core, her legs forced open by his own thighs. She struggled against him but Brandon just tightened his grip on her, his lips parting to pant heavily against her throat.

“Brandon! Get off of me! Now!”

“No, you are mine. You are finally mine, and I am going to claim you before you can be claimed again by any other. I have waited long enough for this moment, and I am not letting go. You are my pet, my slut, my bitch. You are mine to kiss, mine to own, and mine to fuck, and I think it’s about time you finally learned your damn place.”

As he leaned down to force another kiss onto her lips, (Y/N) acted. She may not have remembered being the powerful warrior everyone claimed she had been before her accident, but her body sure did as she head-butted him hard and wrenched her wrists out of his grip, reaching back to punch him in the face, a dormant beast in her chest snarling in satisfaction at the sound of his nose breaking. When he flailed back, his eyes watering and his hands coming up to hold his head and nose, (Y/N) aimed a kick for his crotch and sent him flying off the bed to land hard on the floor, his yelp of pain making the primal part of her roar in triumph.

As soon as he was disarmed though, (Y/N) felt herself return to her usual shy self, the one who wasn’t used to killing titans and sometimes humans on a daily basis. The one who was in a confusing new world, who knew nothing of herself, her friends, or her family except for what others had told her, everyone’s differing explanations making her feel overwhelmed easily.

Her whole body was shaking as she stared at the comatose form of her supposed boyfriend, who had been knocked out when his head had hit the floor. Her eyes were wide and her breathing was ragged, making it feel like she was breathing in shards of glass. She had to get out of here, find someplace safe, tell someone she knew she could trust.

Without even thinking, (Y/N) turned and tore from her room, running to the one place she knew deep in her heart fit all of these qualifications.

Levi had been staring mindlessly at the surface of his desk, his fingers clenched in his hair when his door was slammed open. He didn’t even look up, assuming it was Hanji bursting in yet again to force him to eat some food. He didn’t react until he was suddenly barreled into, the force of which knocked him out of his chair.

Levi looked down in shock, ready to rip into Hanji. He was grateful for her persistent efforts to make him feel better, but this was too far and too much. Only, it wasn’t Hanji. The words died on his tongue, his entire body freezing at the sight of the familiar (h/c) hair splayed over his chest. This had to be a dream, no way this was real. But she was there, sobbing against his chest and shaking, her fists clenched into his shirt.

“(Y-Y/N)?”

(Y/N) stiffened a little at the sound of her name, her eyes closing as she remembered how she had treated him last time they had met. Of course he’d be confused, the last time they had talked she had told him to get the hell away from her and to stay out of her life. 

Lifting her head, she went to apologize and explain when she saw his face, her eyes widening and her jaw dropping almost comically. He looked horrible. His eyes were lined by circles that were so dark they looked almost as if they had been painted on. His face was gaunt, his cheeks sunken in and his skin so pale he looked as if he’d just been dragged from a frozen lake. His hair was a complete mess and his clothes were in shambles. 

Did I do this?

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Levi asked, his hands coming up without a second thought to wipe the tears away from her cheeks.

(Y/N) didn’t know why but she felt comfortable in his embrace, the odd feeling she had had around Brandon disappearing completely. She melted into his touch without hesitation, her heart speeding up at the glimmer of happiness that flashed in his silver eyes before he shuttered it.

“B-Brandon, he was l-lying to me. I don’t know exactly what he was hiding from me, but he was d-definitely using me. He tried to… he tried to…”

“It’s okay, take a deep breath, what did he try to do?” Levi murmured, cupping her cheek in his warm palm, making her feel even more safe.

“He assaulted me, tried to touch me,” (Y/N) said, cutting right to the chase. She wasn’t going to sugarcoat it, he needed to know, and she wasn’t going to do Brandon the service of making his actions seem less despicable than they really were.

Levi visibly darkened, his whole aura becoming murderous in a way that made (Y/N) shiver. She normally would’ve pitied the one on the receiving end of that wrath, but now, that beast in her chest growled happily once again, almost as if she wanted to go kill Brandon with Levi.

“What?” Levi asked, his voice two octaves lower than normal as he sat them both up, still holding her to him as the sound skittering along her bones.

“He came onto me when I woke up this morning after getting me breakfast. I told him I wasn’t ready to take the next step and he forced himself on me, even when I repeatedly told him no, claiming he had waited for years to take me. That was when I knew he was lying to me, since it didn’t make sense that we weren’t dating before my memory loss. I knew that if my past self hadn’t dated him before my accident, that something might have been wrong with him. I couldn’t be sure, but I’ve had a weird gut feeling about him this entire time, so I trusted myself, even if I don’t have all of the pieces. He just reinforced it by not taking no for an answer. Apparently, all of the nice, loving things he’s been doing for me lately have all been a set up, something to lure me in until he could overpower me.”

“Where is he now?” Levi snarled darkly.

“I actually knocked him out to get away so he’s still in my room, splayed on the floor. That is, if he hasn’t woken up yet. If he has, it’s likely he hasn’t gone far.”

Levi didn’t say anything else, he just stood up, carrying her with him despite her surprised squeal, and set her down in his desk chair after putting it back to rights from when he had been knocked out of it. Reaching around, Levi unclasped his jacket and draped it over her shaking form before standing and aiming for the door.

He stopped when he felt a soft hand wrap around his wrist. Looking back, he was about to tell her point blank that he would not spare any part of Brandon, expecting her to try to defend the bastard, only to find her eyes watering as she looked at him with a warm gaze.

“Thank you, and I’m sorry… about everything…” she murmured.

Levi softened, a breath of knee wobbling relief even escaping past his partially parted lips. Turning back to her, Levi gently tucked a lock of hair behind her ear and gave her forehead a soft kiss, his heart pulsing warmly when she didn’t balk from his touch. Leaning back to meet her worried gaze, he genuinely smiled the first in a long time, just for her.

“Maybe someday, if you want, you can make it up to me,” he said.

“You got hurt.”

“It wouldn’t be the first time, nothing to fret over.”

“But you didn’t have to do that. You got hurt because of me.”

“Well maybe someday, if you want, you can make it up to me.”

Suddenly, a storm of memories crashed down on (Y/N). Everything came back in a flood of remembrance. Her name was (Y/N) (L/N) and she was a powerful Squad Leader for the Survey Corps. She came from the Underground, where she used to live with Levi, Isabel, and Farlan, fighting for survival. She remembered getting busted by Erwin and joining the Scouts, she remembered losing her friends to a titan on that horrific stormy night, she remembered her confession to Levi, and everything that followed afterward. All of it, spurred by his words, the same words she had said to him when they had first met and Levi had apologized for an injury she had received in the chaos of saving his ass from a group of thugs.

(Y/N) gasped loudly, making Levi’s smile immediately falter, his hand quickly yanking away from her as if burned. He was such an idiot, she had just gotten done telling him she was almost violated in the worst way possible by someone she thought she could trust and he went and told her she could make it up to him. How else was she supposed to interpret that phrase? Of course she’d assume he was trying to get into her pants, it’s what she’d thought about him a month ago in Erwin’s office, why would that change just because she came to him for help? Levi was about to apologize and explain himself, desperate to show her he wasn’t the monster she thought he was, when she cut him off with a blinding smile.

“Levi…” (Y/N) sighed, her eyes filled with love in a way that made Levi’s breath stop short. She couldn’t have…? Could she? Levi tried not to get his hopes up, he didn’t think his heart could take it if it turned out to be a ruse.

“(Y/N)?” He called breathlessly.

“LEVI!” (Y/N) suddenly launched herself out of her chair, crashing into him and knocking him back down onto the floor for the second time that morning. Levi barely had enough time to think before her lips were smothering his, her desperation clear in the way she joined their lips together.

Levi hesitated for just a second from shock but quickly snapped out of it, reaching up to cup the back of her head, holding her to him as he kissed back with just as much, if not more desperation. Mouths opened and tongues tangled as if the world was ending, both of them reacquainting themselves with the other’s taste until they were seeing spots from the lack of oxygen. The pair parted to quickly suck in air before diving right back in, devouring one another until once again, the need for air became too great.

“Levi, oh Levi, I remember, I remember everything,” (Y/N) panted, leaning down to press demanding butterfly kisses all over his face, jaw, head, and neck. “I love you, I love you, I love you so much, and I am so sorry for everything. Gods I love you so fucking much.”

Levi whimpered at her words and kissed her back even harder. He couldn’t get enough of the woman on top of him, his whole body aching for her love, his heart finally picking up the shattered pieces and sealing them back together. “I love you too, (Y/N). I missed you so goddamn much. I’m never letting you go ever again.”

(Y/N) moaned, their reunited love and her immense guilt making her feel overwhelmed. Gods, she had fucked up. She had fucked up bad. She knew the accident hadn’t been her fault, she hadn’t lost her memory on purpose, but she would never forgive herself for the things she had said and done to him.

“Levi I am so fucking sorry. Please know I didn’t mean any of the things I said to you in Erwin’s office. I love you so damn much and I am so sorry for all of the pain I put you through. Oh gods, you look like shit and I know I’m the cause. I am so sorry,” (Y/N) sobbed, tears streaming down her face unchecked as she fussed over him, leaning back to get a good look at his face and kissing every part of his skin, her hands stroking him reverently as she apologized over and over again.

“(Y/N),” Levi said, his tone making (Y/N) meet his eyes and lean back, letting him sit up with her. “Listen to me and listen well right now. I know you feel horrible, and I won’t lie, losing you was the worst thing I’ve ever had to experience, but you don’t have to apologize. You were being manipulated when you were at your most vulnerable, and I wasn’t dealing with the situation in a manner that helped anything. I can see, when you didn’t know who I was, why you said the things you said. Why you thought I was being creepy and violent for seemingly no reason. It hurt, more than any pain I’ve ever felt before, but the important thing now is that you’re back. You’re back and you’re alive and well, okay? Stop hating yourself for what happened, it’s not your fault.”

Levi’s words just made (Y/N) cry harder but she managed to nod. What the hell had she done in this life to deserve such a perfect man? She was convinced it was nothing, but he constantly showed her how much she did for him through his carefully chosen words and loving actions, and that was the beauty of Levi. She loved this man so fucking much, her heart throbbed with how much she loved him, her chest feeling too small to contain it all.

Levi leaned in and gave her a kiss, this one just as passionate as the others but more gentle, leisurely tasting her as he reclaimed her as his own and vice versa, (Y/N) allowing herself to tentatively map his mouth as she had done a hundred times before. (Y/N) became a puddle of mush in his embrace and cuddled up to him, her body shaking as her nerves fired constantly. Her body felt like it was going haywire, but she wouldn’t have it any other way as she reunited with her lover, their tears mixing as they went back in for another kiss.

When they finally parted, Levi sat up straight, clearing his throat and smirking at her with a wicked light in his eyes. (Y/N) frowned at the look he was giving her, her heart rate increasing even more when she saw the dark look of fury mixing with the wickedness in his gaze.

“Levi?”

“(Y/N), I would like to properly formulate a request to go rip Cadet Rio to shreds. I just want to avoid a damaging argument this time and make sure we are both on the same page.”

(Y/N) flushed when he brought up their argument, the guilt washing over her all over again, but she shoved it down and met Levi’s dark teasing look. She knew he wouldn’t take no for an answer, but this time, who was she to deny him?

“Hmmm, let me quickly send this proposal over and see if it’s worthy of approval,” (Y/N) said, placing a finger on her chin as she pretended to think hard on the idea.

“Well? What do you say?” Levi asked, playing into her little game.

“It looks like your request has been approved! Under one condition.”

“And what is that condition?” Levi asked, raising a brow as he helped her to her feet.

(Y/N) smiled mischievously, unravelling the chain from around the neck of the beast inside of her chest, finally recognizing it as her fighting spirit after all this time and welcoming it with open arms. “You let me help.”

Levi smiled at her again, his lips spelling out a dark promise as he claimed her lips one last time, his eyes shining with all of the love he held for her. The kind of love he usually kept hidden away, deep inside himself for him to enjoy, now out on display for her to see in all of its glory. “With pleasure, darling.”

(Y/N) shivered at his tone and the rare nickname but didn’t lose her smile as Levi wrapped his arm possessively around her waist and led her from the room, the pair set on getting revenge for the pain that a stupid little bastard had caused them before they would let everyone know about (Y/N)’s improved condition. It seemed someone needed to be taught a lesson, who better to teach him than the two strongest soldiers in the Corps?

[transformers-fan-continuities]

Spotlight: Ties That Bind

This one’s a doozy folks! If you missed the last spotlight you can go read it here, but strap in for The Ties That Bind, an absolutely brilliant take on humanformers. It’s hosted here at @tiesthatbind-tf​ created by @artsy-hobbitses​!

Q) Give us a run down of your cont! What's it about, what's it called, what's it like?

Ties That Bind is a humanformers-based original continuity which is part Science Fiction and part Alternate History where the invasion of Quintessons and introduction of their technology to Earth in 1920 sets the world and humankind on a completely different trajectory. The active narrative spans a period from 1920 to 2070, covering the First and Second Quintesson Wars, the interplanetary Antillan War (leading to the creation of Unicron on Mars) and the Great War which involves the Autobots, Decepticons and Functionist stalwarts, and how it affects the characters.

The cast is pretty sprawling and the narrative is mostly centred around human drama with bits of humor interspaced and a dash of horror (mostly centred around how the previous government often chose to utilize the technology left behind from the Quintesson Wars to create new systems of oppression, which affected many of the characters, in the name of worldwide rebuilding efforts).

Q) What characters take the lead here? Any personal favorites?

I will admit to this continuity being very much heavy on the relationship between Old Bastards  Optimus Prime and Megatron, which is given considerable weight as they were best friends who had known each other since childhood and were deeply intrinsic to each other’s growths as individuals, which makes it all the worse when guilt and betrayal enter the party. Despite being captains in two corners of this battle, there’s a part of them that just cannot let go of their pasts together and they need to reconcile with how this will affect their agenda (Megatron) and how they lead their team (Optimus) who don’t necessarily share their history.

Other characters with significant development include:

Starscream, a Cold Construct in a toxic working relationship with Megatron with whom he is hiding a dark secret, who struggles to balance the underhanded viciousness he believes he needs to gain power and his innate desire from his Senate days to make the world a better place. 

Windblade, a Camien native who fights her government’s apathy concerning the situation on Earth which they see as unsalvageable compared to their more Utopian society. 

Prowl, a Cold Construct raised from childhood to be a cop in a police state, who finds out that he was brainwashed several times  to ensure his obedience and efficacy as a government asset and is now working to reclaim some semblance of the humanity he was never allowed to feel and figure out how much of him is who he really is and how much is programming.

Hound, a sheltered Beastman who joined the fight to ensure that Beastmen the world over would have the same rights he did in his homeland of Shetland Isle, but is forcefully stripped of his humanity and faced with his animal side during the war and has to relearn what personhood means amid his trauma.

Q) Is there a bigger point to this, like a theme or some catharsis? Or is it just fluffy fun?

God with the amount of time I spent sleepless trying to figure out how the logistics of this or the semantics of that were supposed to work in universe, I cannot for the life of me say it’s fluffy fun, but I can’t exactly say it hasn’t been pretty engaging either!

There’s elements of war being messy for everyone involved where there doesn’t seem to be a clear line between friend and foe at times, but I think for most part it prescribes to  Jean-Jacques Rousseau’s belief that people are inherently good, but are corrupted by the evils of society. Despite its dark themes (Including but not limited to child abuse, torture, illegal experimenation  and brainwashing), love and friendships do prevail, kindness does beget kindness, found families are made, even the smallest actions matter, and things do get better because there are people on both sides who genuinely want to, and strive to make it better.

With Cold Constructs and Beastmen, it also delves heavily into what it means to be human; to have agency and personhood.

There’s also a strong undercurrent of taking responsibility for one’s actions, even if they were made with the best of intentions (Avoidance of this is what eats up Starscream and Megatron from the inside, and what Starscream eventually embraces).

Q) How long have you been working on it?

There’s two answers to this!

I’ve had a Humanformers-related universe going all the way back to 2007 around the time the first Bayformers came out---basically I had a choice between learning to draw cars or draw people (I was an anthro artist back then) and I immediately chose people.

The 2007 draft however had no worldbuilding or connective storylines and was mostly a fun little venture into character design and practice which were actually instrumental to me experimenting and learning how to draw humans properly.

I left the fandom for about a decade and when I came back to it in late 2020 around September via the War for Cybertron series on Netflix, I immediately got hooked on the 2005 IDW comics I missed out on and wanted to get around to updating my old designs as well find a way to translate several of the concepts I wanted to explore in a human sense, so the 2020 update became its own full-fledged original continuity with detailed worldbuilding and history.

You can see the artistic evolution of several characters from their original incarnation below!

Q) It’s incredible to see your artistic improvement too! Give us a behind-the-scenes look! Show us a secret ;))

Say hello to my workspace! I’ve been working exclusively on the Ipad Pro since late 2016, which is fantastic because I can basically whip up concepts and sketches on the go anywhere. Nowhere is too out of bounds to work on TTB!

Also, do enjoy this sneak peek at true!form Rung, whose synthezoid human body took years to perfect.

Q) YESSSSS alright I must admit this is one of my favorite Rungs, and certainly my fave within TTB. Amazing. Phew, anyway. Where did you draw inspiration from? What canons, what other fiction, what parts of real life?

TTB was initially conceived as a faithful retelling of the IDW 2005 narrative before it was transformed into its own continuity and as such, it borrows heavily from concepts and mirrored plot lines introduced in that run! I chose to have the series inspired off it specifically for the amount of history and worldbuilding it introduced to the franchise.

Anime like Gunslinger Girl and Beastars inspired the depictions of Cold Constructs, especially the more harrowing aspects of their upbringing as government assets instead of children, and Beastmen (Beastformers) in TTB.

I haven’t depicted the world itself in my art all too much, but the architecture from Tiger and Bunny, which has sort of a futuristic Art Deco feel to it, is what you’d usually see in major cities. There is an in-universe reason for that---with a Point Of Divergence set in 1920 followed by 25 years (an entire generation) of progress basically being kicked to the curb due to the Quintesson wars, mankind was basically in a time-locked bubble until the end of the wars, and by then their heroes were 1920s-style rebellion leaders, which lead to 1920s fashion (especially among the Manual Working Class---Megatron, Jazz and Optimus all rock 1920s fashion at some point of their lives) and architecture being celebrated and retained as sort of a reminder of how things were before The Invasion. This anime’s background design is also where I adopted the tiered system TTB’s major metropolises are often built on (with each tier being designated to a different working class) from.

The main artistic style itself is a love letter to 90s cartoons, in particular Gargoyles’ deep and drama-driven character narratives and designs as well as The Centurions’ take on body armor logistics.

I also take inspiration, especially armor-wise, from the characters’ given heritage and background. As an example, Hotrod who is depicted as Irish has the flames on his armor done up with Celtic knots. Welsh aristocrat Mirage’s armor bears olden knight-style filigree and has his Autobot logo designed as a coat of arms. Indonesian Soundwave’s armor and Decepticon logo takes cues from Batik and Wayang Kulit while their mask is based off the Barong.

Q) They are absolutely gorgeous! Show off something you're really proud of, a particular favorite part of your cont.

The worldbuilding in general! Most Humanformers I’ve seen tend to treat it like a fun exercise which it is and is definitely valid, but I found myself wanting a full-fledged world to lose myself in and I sought to try and make that world myself by drafting a detailed history and timeline of events which would affect ongoing narratives, having indepth worldbuilding to include almost all societal aspects of the universe and  expanding on the concept of Beastmen and Cold Constructs existing in a human setting.

I’m not so secretly proud of the research and diversity included to make the cast look like the multicultural, globally-based team that they were meant to be instead of being locked to a single region! My original draft from 2007 was, to put it simply, quite culturally monolithic and I wanted to improve on that aspect with TTB.

I’m also proud that I’ve kept to it this far! I’m a notoriously flaky person jumping from one idea/fandom to another and to have kept at this continuity for the better part of ten months is honestly a personal feat.

Art-wise, this scene depicting a young Megatron working alongside Terminus and Impactor (cameo by @weapon-up-wallflower​‘s OC Missit!)  is definitely one of my favorites since it helps build up the world they live in and plays to familial bonds and comfort found in one another despite their less than ideal circumstances.

Q) Everything has come together so beautifully, you absolutely should be proud. What other fan canons do you love and why? Would you like to see them interviewed?

I am dying to hear more from @iscaredspider​’s Sparkpulse continuity! Her designs are MIND-BLOWINGLY GORGEOUS and I want to hear more about what inspired her to work on it!

Also YOU. Yes YOU BLURRITO. LET ME HEAR MORE ABOUT SNAP.

Q) [wails and squirms away in the mortifying ordeal of being known but in a very flattered way] I WILL SOMEDAY I PROMISE aflghsdjg thank you QwQ

Well that was fantastic, Oni, thank you muchly! A magnificent continuity with so much to look forward to! Coming up next is another personal fave of mine, the first inspiration for SNAP, so stick around...

[neoncrowpen]

I Am A Good Girl

Pairing/Characters: John Shelby/Reader

Work Summary: Your adoptive sister Grace belong to the shadows while you belong on a stage, or at least on top of the Garrison bar. You're all prepared for a new performance until you find out...it's John Shelby's birthday. And he's had his eye on you since you met.

Author's Notes: So, funny story. This user requested this a while ago. When I wrote it, I intended this to be an imagine. Then, I lost it. Like, I literally saved this with another fic and I forgot where I put it. I found it again. Hated it, finished drafting it, hated it again and then edited it. NOW I'm putting it on here. Phew! The Process, am i right??

Original Request: (from @rochyu ) Could you write an imagine based on this video [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YDPR5EoYqOs&list=RDYDPR5EoYqOs&start_radio=1&rv=YDPR5EoYqOs&t=12] but with John Shelby where at the beginning Y/n rejected him (y/n was grace little sister) until one night she sings at The Garrison

Words: 1329 (Ao3 Link) (Ask Box Here)

“Come on, just tell me when and where, love,” John teased you. Your sister caught your flying hand. Grace gave her brother-in-law an apologetic face.

“Sorry, she woke up awful today,” Grace smiled.

“I woke up awful?” you reacted. You snatched your hand away from her and closed in on John. You watched his hungry eyes eat their fill of you. Snapping your fingers, you barked back. “My eyes are up here. Let me make one thing clear. There is no place or time where you will have me. Idiot.”

“They breed them angry in your family, Grace?” John asked. Grace caught you again, pulling you back. She pushed you into the next room and away from him. You heard her next words as you stomped towards the exit.

“She’s adopted. Bit of the black sheep of the family. We’re only related in name, but both of us are pretty performative…” As her voice trailed off, you let your anger marinate. Ever since she married Thomas Shelby, John wouldn’t leave you in peace.

It started at the wedding when you allowed him to have one dance with you…where he spent it all memorizing where your dress ended and your skin began. When you started working at the Garrison, John took it upon himself to visit his brother’s pub more often. He ruffled your feathers by asking for special treatment. A free drink here, a slight flirtation there. Things only started escalating when John discovered how good you were on stage.

“You should thank him,” Grace told you. “John says business is booming because of you and the other girls.”

“I’m not thanking him.” You responded, yelling behind you. Grace came back into her parlor. She set down music sheets on the table in front of you.

“Here’s the music sheets you wanted,” Grace said.

“I’m not thanking him, Grace.”

“Fine! Fine, but you should be proud of yourself. Tommy says you should be.”

“Tommy says you should be,” you mocked. You did last minute changes to your newest song. It was your idea. Not that the Peaky Blinders needed it, but they all loved the money that spilled in from the good times you curated. That night, Cassie pulled the strings of your corseted top. You gave your last notes to Layne, the new girl.

“I know you’re shy, so play on that more and—CHRISTINHELL!—I’m fine, sorry for yelling, anyways, men love a tease. They say they don’t, but they do. They always do.” You smoothed out your front, taking another look in the mirror. Ava’s seamstress poured sweat and tears into your costume. White satin with silver accents made you look like a literal star. You heard Grace clapping behind you.

“See?” She smiled. “I told you that you’re the prettier sister.”

“Then, why were you married first?” you challenged.

“Because I’m the smarter sister,” she nudged you. “Everything’s set. John’s going to love this. He has no idea.”

“John? What does my performance have to do with John?” you sputtered out a laugh.

“Well, it’s his birthday.”

You stopped cold on the stairs up towards the Garrison. You turned slowly towards Grace, wearing your most disgusted grimace. “What did you just say?”

“Arthur didn’t tell you? I thought he told you.”

“Who’s telling what?” Arthur poked his head in. He smiled when he saw you in full costume. You already saw the dollar signs in his eyes and around his heart.

“You didn’t tell her about John’s birthday surprise?”

“Oh, I thought you told her,” Arthur pointed at Grace. Grace shook her head. You pushed them both out of your way. The Garrison was packed. When you spread the news that you had a new act, men—and a few curious women—came in droves to grab a pint and find a space to sit or stand.

And there he was. John Shelby surrounded by friends and family. Thomas handed him another pint and cheered with him. Out of all the brothers, his smile shined the brightest. You never liked a miserable man. He pounded his chest playfully as he downed his pint. You watched him lick his lips, removing the foam from his mouth. Something wanted to awaken in you, but you pushed it away, retreating back.

You heard Arthur’s signal: two gunshots in the air. The whole Garrison quieted. Arthur’s voice boomed with excitement.

“Men! Ladies! Welcome! Welcome all!” Arthur began. A makeshift spotlight focused on him. You quickly found your mark, on top of the bar, right next to the cubby where the Shelby brothers did their business. Your eyes found John again. In that moment, you would’ve sworn to a priest that John could see you. Even in the dark, John’s eyes followed the lines he memorized when he first danced with you.

As the first notes started to play, the spotlight landed on you. Adrenaline rushed through you as you started to sing. Now, everyone’s eyes were on you. You’d never deny it. You always loved attention. The stage and spotlight belonged to you like shadows belonged to Grace. Why hide yourself when you looked as good as you did? You winked at the men directly in front of you. They responded with dazed eyes and open-mouthed smiles.

“What?” you sang, gasping sensually. “I am a good girl.”

You teased your skirt again, strutting across the bar. You kicked your feet high in the air. Men whooped at your performance. A new heated thought occurred to you. Maybe, one of the men in the room would get lucky tonight. Maybe, it would be John. You giggled at yourself. Out of all the times he could occupy your thoughts it had to be now? On all fours on the bar, your back arched and posed along with the beat of the music.

You noticed a disturbance among the men in the audience. John Shelby pushed and moved his way towards the bar where you were. His gaze took you in, drinking you slower than any of the free pints he had already. It was too easy. You knelt in front of the birthday boy. Taking his face in your hands, you felt him melt.

As your background dancers appeared all around the bar, young men lost their minds over the beautifully dressed ladies. John, drunk and certainly smitten, kept his eyes on you. Ever since you met, he never looked anywhere else. As if you were all he wanted. His hungered and glazed eyes desired more.

You rewarded him with a kiss on the cheek and then slap on the other to sober him up. Well, it was his birthday, after all.

John gasped in pleasure. You winked. Your girls joined you in the last act of the song. All of you lined the bar. You sang your last verse as your girls draped themselves over each other or onto you.

Your eyes met with John’s again as you swung your hips to the last verse. “What? I am a good girl.” You held the last note as your ran your hands up and down your body, gripping every bit of yourself. You heard the overwhelmingly loud and drunken applause of the Garrison. Sharp whistles sounded off in the air.

From below, someone gripped your ankle. John Shelby held you there. His eyes looked up to you the same way a sinner, desperate for forgiveness, looked up to a saint in church.

“Oi!” he sounded off. You bent down in front of him again. With a cheeky smile, you grabbed his face and squished him in your hands. He slurred through your grip. “Where’s my birthday present?”

“Are you going to be a good boy for me?” You teased. John Shelby gripped your thigh, making you gasp. In front of everyone at the crowded bar, he pushed his body in between your legs. His heated words loud enough for others to hear.

“I’m not known for being a good boy, Y/N.”

[ksuew]

The Rookie 4x01 Life and Death Recap ****Spoiler city****

I promised a friend a recap, since she can’t watch until tomorrow, so I figured I might as well post it for anyone who wants to see it? I never can figure out a read more break on mobile so fair warning, DON’T LOOK IF YOU DON’T WANT SPOILERS 😁

This is just a rough draft thing, so it’s probably full of typos.

@hamburgerheroes @piratesbooty63fan

Phew… crazy first episode. Unfortunately I was fielding calls and texts about a work issue the whole time so my viewing was very disjointed. So I’m rewatching as I type this recap for you.

The episode is preceded with a recap, of course. Then the opening scene is Chen, Bradford, Nolan, and Harper in tactical gear approaching a warehouse.

While waiting for the go order from Grey, grey has flashbacks of a few hours earlier. They realize Lopez and West are both missing, they find out La Fiera has escaped and assume she took them, then they get security footage of the kidnapping and are watching it at the station, still in their wedding attire. As we suspected. The footage shows Lopez being put in a vehicle and West struggling, then shot in the back, then stuffed into the trunk. Everyone is in shock, Lucy is crying.

Lots of fans are really upset about Jackson, and I get it. But the show runner and writers had no choice. Here’s excerpts from an interview with Alexi

At this point, we’re back to Grey a different officer wants to wait, but Grey says it’s been 3 hours and they need to move fast and orders them in.

They breach the warehouse, find an empty get away car and Angela’s wedding dress on the floor. Lucy moves to pick it up, Nolan stops her, there is a trip wire to explosives under the SUV. They leave the warehouse and realize they had a plane waiting there from the tracks it left.

Next we see La Fiera, Angela, and her female goon in the airplane. Angela assumes they’re going to Guatemala so she can torture and kill her slowly, but La Fiera tells her (as we suspected) that she’ll be kept alive until Angela safely delivers her (La Fiera’s) baby (of course)

Next Grey and Wesley are meeting with a DEA bigwig who essentially says, we ain’t helping. Next they arrive in the compound in Guatemala and talk about how impenetrable it is, etc. She meets the doctor who will be attending her. Angela tries to tell the doctor not to touch her and La Fiera says if she resists she will be sedated for the rest of the pregnancy.

Back at the station Lucy is talking with Nolan, beating herself up about not seeing the trip wire. She’s really just upset about Jackson, she says she can’t believe he’s gone and she and Nolan hold hand for a moment.

Tim and Harper join them and discuss if Lopez is still alive and why. Lucy comes up with the theory that La Fiera wants Angela’s baby as the ultimate revenge. Grey tells them the DEA won’t help. They talk about how Jackson scratched his killer and they’re running DNA. Grey tells them all to go home and get some rest while they work on a plan. ***Chenford alert***

Lucy says she can’t go home and see Jackson’s empty room. Tim says, “you don’t have to, you can stay with me”

Dying!

She says she doesn’t want to impose and this is where he says she shouldn’t be alone right now. She says thanks, he says yeah, then she wonders how Wesley is holding up.

Cut to Wesley meeting with some bad guy and offering to turn dirty lawyer in exchange for finding out where Angela is. I do not like this development and what it can/will do to them in the future.

Cut to a short, weird interaction with Lopez and the female bodyguard then, back to Chenford.

We see Tim in his jammies, setting up his couch to sleep on. The house looks different than I remember it and surely it has at least 2 bedrooms, so why the couch 🤷🏻‍♀️. Anyway. He looks adorable in his jammies. He says, “I’ll take the couch”. Lucy walks out of presumably his bedroom and says she thought he was setting up the couch for her. He says he’s not going to have a guest sleep on the couch and she says she’s not going to kick him out of his bed. He says okay, gets up. Looks a bit awkward, a bit nervous. Asks her if she needs anything. She says “the last 24 hours back”, he says he doesn’t have that power. She says, “a hug” and he says, “yeah. Come here” in a soft voice that nearly made me combust! He hugs her. As they go to part things get all UST, he croaks out “night”, can’t quite meet her eyes. Meanwhile she’s definitely got the “realization” light bulb starting to go off slowly. Still a bit confused. He goes to his room and flops into bed. Obviously affected by what just happened. she is the same out on the couch. Fidgety with nervous energy. He looks toward the door like he’s about to go back out there to her, say something more (do something more?) she looks toward his door from the couch, obviously contemplating same. Back to him purposefully looking away from the door, back to her making her decision. She’s pushing the covers off about to go to his door, when his door suddenly opens. He’s on the phone saying “yeah, okay, we’ll be right there”. She tries to pretend she wasn’t already up and moving toward the door. He says Wesley knows where Angela is and they head into the station.

Oh man, it was sooo gooood!!!

Next it’s the Wesley telling them that he knows where they’re holding Angela. They all say they want to help, but Grey says how’re we gonna do that . They bring up “Max” the covert government guy from the counterfeit money case. Grey says fine, reach out. He tasks Tim, Harper, and John to start tactical plan and says Lucy will stay with him to run the murder case. Then he takes a moment to congratulate Nolan on officially becoming a P2. They get the DNA back, the killer is a 17 year old kid.

Government guy shows up at Nolan’s they coerce him into helping. They go to Guatemala separately from Wesley who is supposed to get a meeting with La Fiera without getting killed. Nyla and Tim look hot playing with military surveillance toys while John steals the plans to La Fiera’s compound from the architect.

Lucy and Grey go after the killer. Grey has a really great scene after cornering the killer and he and Lucy take him in.

Back at the compound Wesley gets to see Angela. John tells Nyla and Tim that he has the plans and there’s a weakness, but the drone shows that the weakness has been fixed so they have to go to plan B. Nyla does not like plan B!

Cut to a very sad scene of Lucy finally going home and looking at Jackson’s room as he left it. Tim calls, says they’re going to plan B. Lucy, as well, does not like plan B. She says to give her a minute to get set up. Tim then radios government guy Max, who also does not like plan B. They decide on a different extraction point and he reminds them if they aren’t there at the agreed upon time they will be left behind.

They alert Wesley with fireworks. Turns out plan B is him injecting Angela with pitocin to start contractions so that they’ll have to transport her out of the compound to the hospital. Nyla will have a drug to counterreact the pitocin at the hospital.

Unfortunately, they separate Angela and Wesley. He’s put in a different car to take him away and kill him so Nolan goes after Wesley while Tim and Nyla get set up at the hospital. Lucy is tapped into a satellite giving them info on the vehicles, etc. Tim says, thanks, we got it from here”. Lucy says, “Tim”, the tension clear in her voice. “Please be careful”. With more significance than just one officer to another. He’s in business mode and replies, “I always am”.

Bradford and Harper ambush LaFiera et al. Angela gets into the hospital with Tim and Nyla and gives Angela the reversal shot. As they make their escape to the helicopter LaFiera follows and fires on them, grazing Angela’s leg, she turns and shoots La Fiera, killing her. They make it to the chopper, tell Max they need to get Wesley and Nolan, he says no, they all point their guns at him and he decides to make the stop.

Wesley and Nolan fight their two bad guys (Nolan simply must save the day in each episode). They make it to the chopper, everyone is safe and they get the hell out of dodge.

Then, the time jump. It’s 3 months later and Angela and Wesley are arriving home from the hospital with their son to a surprise welcome home party with Grey, Nolan, Harper, and Chen. They’ve stocked their freezer and bought them a second freezer and stocked that too. Tim is happy and relaxed. Lucy is a bit overly cheerful, it’s obviously a bit forced. She and Nyla present Angela with a basket full of teas and herbs and cookies tailored to uterine health and breast milk production (as she would). Nyla admits that it was all Lucy when she walks away. That it was good for Lucy to concentrate on something positive. This makes Angela turn a bit sad and reflective. The show ends with Angela holding her baby and standing at Jackson’s grave updating him on her life and how she misses him and hopes by the time her leave is over that she’ll be able to face the station without him in it. She then reveals (again, as we suspected) that her baby’s name is Jackson😢

[thiswasinevitableid]

71. you’re famous and you want to hide out in my bookstore which is fine except the stupid paparazzi won’t leave and now there’s a photo of us in the tabloids and they’re printing misinformation and why the fuck won’t you clear this up on your twitter account

Sternclay, NSFW, please!

Here you go! Let's end this round of meet uglies with a bang

The post-holiday slump is always the worst; everyone maxed out their credit cards last month and doesn’t want to buy anything, and the tourists won’t be back until the spring. It’s not that he’s concerned about keeping the lights on; Bookworms is popular and has a prime spot downton. It’s that he’s bored out of his mind.

All his orders for the day are in, everything’s been received and shelved, and he’s running out of things to tidy. If he’s lucky, the clouds that have been threatening a snowstorm since this morning will burst and drive some people to shelter among the stacks.

Dingdong

Thank the lord.

“Welcome to Bookworms, can I help you?”

The man stays by the door, peering through the glass onto the street while pulling off his beanie, “Huh? Oh, uh, nope, just coming in to, uh, get out of the cold.” He turns, and two realizations slap Joseph in the face.

One: this is the hottest man he has ever had the pleasure of seeing.

Two: He’s seen this man dozens of times, just never in person.

Barclay Cobb is a Food Network darling who got his start on Youtube, sharing recipes from vintage cookbooks he found at garage sales. That’s not why he’s starstruck, but it is probably why the taller man is hiding in the craft books alcove and keeps nervously looking his way.

“I won’t tell anyone you’re here, Mr. Cobb.”

“Phew” the man sighs, unzips his jacket, “thanks man. Thought I’d be bundled up enough that no one would spot me while I was out, but I didn’t get my hat on in time coming out of the Chinese place down the block.”

“I love that spot, they have the best beer-braised duck.”

“Yeah, I always stop by when I’m in town, they’re food is worth getting photographed for.”

It’s odd, everything he’s read suggests chef Cobb is friendly and warm when approached by fans in public.

“It’s not that I don’t appreciate that people like my shows but, I, uh, sometimes I just want to eat or walk down the street without someone taking pictures of me.”

“Do you want to head into the back sections? There’s no windows in that half of the store.”

“Sweet, thanks. Uh, would it be cool if I autographed any books of mine you have? I like doing that, means I can send a little business towards smaller stores.”

“Of course. Here, the cookbooks are on this wall.” He slips into his office to grab a sharpie while Barclay pulls a stack of books and sits down on the floor. As the scratching of the pen fills the air, Joseph takes a trip to the paranormal and occult section, coming back with three copies of The Case for Bigfoot.”

“Y’know, not everyone stocks these.” Barclay smiles as he adds the paperbacks to the pile.

“Which is terrible business; you’re just as famous in the cryptozoology community as you are in the foodie one. This is the best book on bigfoot ever written, and I should know; I run a, um, a blog where I review books on paranormal topics.”

“You a true believer?” The cook blows on his signature in the copy of Desserts for All Seasons

“More an optimistic skeptic; your book is perfect because you make your case using actual evidence instead of reporting the same ten, poorly verified stories that everyone includes in their books. And I appreciated that you included recipes from the places you visited; that was a very nice touch.”

“Funny story about that” Barclay freezes as the front door opens. There’s definitely more than one person coming in, and when Joseph pokes his head around the corner he sees fifteen people, all with cameras or phones.

“Shit. You might want to hide in my office for a few minutes.”

By the time the crowd reaches him, Joseph is almost done re-shelving the signed books.

“Good afternoon, let me know if you need help finding anything.”

“Uh, yeah, we do, someone saw Barclay Cobb in your store-”

“Strange, we’ve only had one customer” he winces as someone’s shoulder knocks a hardcover off its display, “I didn’t get a good look at them before they went downstairs.” He tips his head at the staircase to the YA and Graphic Novel sections and is promptly knocked into the shelf as the throng hurries away.

“Come on, I can get you out through the back door” Joseph whispers to the Red Dust on his Soul poster on his office door. Barclay is remarkably quiet for a man his size as they sneak across the floor and let frigid, January air rush into the store.

“Thanks man” Barclay whispers, “I owe you one.” He sets a big hand on Joseph’s shoulder, squeezes it with a wink, then pulls on his hat and disappears into a crowd coming off at the bus stop.

---------------------------------------------------

Joseph always comes in through the back, flipping on lights as he goes, so the sea of bodies pressed to the front windows like a zombie horde surprises him. He knows Barclay tweeted about the signed copies, but this seems like excessive excitement even for a celebrity chef.

“Morning, Joseph--whoa, what the heck?” Aubrey clocks in without taking her eyes off the crowd, “why is everyone here this early.”

“Fan culture. I think.” The registers finish waking up, “I’ll pay holiday rates if you open that door for me.”

Aubrey gives a thumbs up, unlocks the double doors, and is swallowed up so quickly he worries she might have been trampled until she emerges near the greeting cards. Some people swarm the cookbooks, but an alarming number cluster around the counter, all shouting for his attention.

“How long have you been seeing Chef Cobb?”

“What?, I, I’m not-”

“Does he often visit your store?”

“No! He just came by yesterday!” There’s a horrible clatter of all the books on display near the door taking each other out like dominoes.

“Do you fuck in the backroom all the time?”

“Oh come on” He pushes past the man who asked that, deals with shouting all the way to his office and slams the door. A quick Google search for “Barclay Cobb” brings up a blurry photo of them in the alley, Barclays hand on his shoulder, and multiple headlines speculating on why the reclusive chef and author has chosen a nobody bookstore employee (he’s the owner, damn it) as his lover.

Okay, there’s a logical, easy fix to this.

He opens the door enough to speak, whistles so everyone will be quiet and listen to him, “I’m sorry, there’s been a misunderstanding. Mr. Cobb isn’t in any kind of relationship with me; he just came into the store yesterday for some peace and quiet. So, if you’re looking for information about him, this is not the place for it. If you’re looking for the signed books, the cookbooks are there, and the paranormal section is just around that corner.” He gives his best customer service smile as the paparazzi exchange perplexed glances.

“...Is it true he bought you this store?”

“Wh--no! We rent this space.”

“From him?”

“Arggh!” He closes the door, slumps against it and cards his fingers through his hair. As he contemplates closing for the day, he spots a little, copper card on his desk. It’s Barclay’s, which is what he expected, but when he flips it over there’s a message scribbled in pen.

Main St Hotel, room 503, here until Monday.

He pulls out his phone, tells Aubrey she’s allowed to get the crowd out by any means necessary except for fire, and elbows his way out into the winter air.

------------------------------------------

Barclay almost purrs when he peers through the peephole in the hotel door; Joseph, as his nametag read, is standing on the carpet, looking twice as handsome as he did yesterday. His cheeks are even a little pink, and Barclay has some thoughts on how to make that blush deepen.

“Hey, glad you found-”

Joseph holds up his phone, screen in Barclays face, “please fix this.”

“Oh fuck.” He ushers him in, “I’m so sorry, I thought they’d stopped doing this shit.”

“No, and they’re fucking up my inventory as a result.”

“On it, lemme text my assistant, she’s good at drafting these kind of messages.”

“Thank the lord. Right, thank you for that, I’ll go now.”

“Wait” Barclay reminds his instincts that blocking the door is rude, “do you wanna stay a few minutes? You look kinda stressed.”

“Because my store is being overrun!” Joseph snaps, then takes a deep breath and straightens his sleeves, “I’m sorry, that wasn’t called for, this morning has just been a mess. And it, um, it’s a little bittersweet to have people thinking I could land a hot chef when I can’t get past a first date with most people. Um, sorry. Too much information. That’s a bad habit of mine.”

Barclay tucks his hands into his pants pockets, “About that. Y’know how I left my card?”

Blue eyes blink, then brighten, “I thought that might be the reason but I dismissed it as wishful thinking.”

“Nope. A guy who's hot, nerdy, and competent enough to sneak me away from the paparazzi? Sign me the fuck up.”

“I’m not opposed to a, um, tryst, but I really, really need to get back to the store, I can’t abandon Aubrey to deal with this mess on her own, that’s not fair, and now we’ll have to reorder things too....” He laughs, a tense sound, “good lord, I get a chance to fuck a celebrity crush and I’m turning it down for work.”

“Hey” Barclay sets his hands on Joseph’s shoulders, “it’s okay. You’re not the first guy to be married to his job. But, uh, out of curiosity, you got any vacation days to spare?”

----------------------------------------------

“This is all yours?” Joseph takes in the sprawling farm as Barclay unlocks the front door of a charmingly rustic house.

“Yep, all the way to the creek and all the way to the road. Might surprise you, but I like my privacy.”

“I’d never have guessed.” He replies with faux shock.

“Smartass.” Barclay kisses his cheek, holds the door open with his shoulder so Joseph can pull his bags inside. He packed as light and efficiently as he could for two weeks away (he’d initially planned on one until Aubrey and Moira ganged up on him and told him he hadn’t taken a real vacation in years so he was taking one now, damn it) but his suitcase is still heavy as he rolls it to the stairs.

“I got that.” Barclay shoulders his own travel bag and hoists Joseph’s in the other hand, carrying them to the second floor like they’re nothing more than pillows.

The week the chef was in Madison, Joseph went to his hotel almost every night. Fell asleep in his bed more than once, when discussions of fusion cuisine or the Fresno Nightcrawler turned into frantic, heated kisses under the covers. It’s only when the cook drops all luggage into the master bedroom that the truth of why he’s on this trip sets in.

“You really invited me all the way here because you think I’m hot.”

“Yeah but no.” Barclay drapes his arms over his shoulders, lips still a little chilly as he kisses them, “brought you here because you’re smart” another kiss, this one on his jaw, “and funny” another, on his nose, “and you’re the biggest bigfoot fan I know.”

“You wrote a book on it!”

“Point stands. And yeah” he pushes Joseph back so he lands on the bed, crawling atop him as he growls, “I invited you here because you’re so hot I wanna pour sugar on you and see if it melts. Now get your pants off; I’ve been thinking about sucking your dick since we left the city.”

------------------------------------------

“How did the whole bigfoot thing start?” Joseph sips his Irish Coffee as Barclay puts his feet into his lap.

“Guess the same way any famous person ends up with two gigs; I was doing the thing I love, then was dicking around on cryptid hunter forums and found out I was also hella good at researching bigfoot. By the time I got really into it, I had enough cash that I could write my book without worrying about going broke. Helps that I’d handed off The Arch and The Lodge and was just the exec chef on them, since then I could travel if I needed to.”

Joseph nods, moves one hand down to rub Barclays foot; in spite of no longer working the kitchens of his five restaurants or having to test recipes for the books right now, he spent most of today on his feet making elaborate meals for two. Joseph teases him that he’s trying to stuff him to the point he can’t leave. Barclay always chuckles and says he doesn’t know how right he is. The last two days, Joseph then wraps his arms around his boyfriend and tells him he’d stay forever if he could.

He’s never thought of himself as romantic; he’s pragmatic, knows that relationships are things built out of time, trial, and error. But god help him, he’s fallen for Barclay like they’re rom-com leads with only ninety minutes to reach their happy ending.

They’re out near the creek--really more of a small river--the next morning, talking about books and speculating on the existence of life on other planets, when a storm sweeps through the trees. As trunks groan and roots pull loose from the snow, Barclay calls, “we better head back.”

He gives a thumbs up. Then the ice under him cracks.

He doesn’t correct course quickly enough, the rest dropping from under him and dunking him in freezing water. It’s deep, too deep to stand, but he’s a decent swimmer and kicks towards the surface. When the shadow covers the opening with a boom, panic threatens to push the rest of his precious breath away.

The tree that fell across the ice is heavy, and no matter how he pushes it won’t give. He bangs on the ice on either side, trying to get it to crack, but his lungs scream and his limbs alert him that the cold will soon shut them down.

He closes his eyes, trying to think, not ready to give up, not with Barclay so close. There’s a groan of wood and frozen water. His mouth opens without permission, desperate for air, and chokes him on frost instead.

-----------------------------------

“...be dead, please don’t be dead, please please please don’t be fucking dead.”

“Nnff.” That’s not what he meant to say, but it seems to calm the voice above him.

“Thank fuck. I’m so sorry, I got to you as fast as I could, do, do you need anything?” Barclay sounds exhausted.

“Cold.” He mutters.

“I’m trying to warm you up gradually, that’s what the first aid book said but, uh, here.” Warm, fuzzy arms draw him into a hug.

Wait.

The first thing he sees when his eyes flutter open are arms covered in reddish-brown fur. When Barclay rubs their cheeks together, it tickles more than his beard usually does.

“Barclay? What the hell is going on?”

“Uh. So.” He’s rolled with ease to face a creature he’s never seen and eyes that he’d know anywhere, “I’m bigfoot. Or, uh, a bigfoot. Maybe that’s kinda obvious now.”

His brain crackles to life, “What better way to stay undiscovered than get famous by giving people the wrong information about you.”

“Some of it’s true. Just not anything people could use to actually find me.”

“Smart, big guy” Joseph pets his face.

“You’re taking this pretty well.”

“I think my system is too shocked to experience more shock.” He shudders, “relatedly, how’d I get out of the river?”

“I lifted the tree off and pulled you free. Took my disguise off to do that and, uh, the fucking thing fell into the water when I got you. So I’m gonna be stuck like this until a friend of mine can get me a new one.”

“No complaints here. You look incredible.” He runs his hands up and down Barclay’s side and chest, warmth seeping into his fingers as he does, “But I’m a little surprised you were willing to risk someone seeing you or me blabbing to someone and trashing your whole life in the process.”

A low rumble as Barclay kisses his forehead, “It’s worth it. I, this is gonna sound so fucking cheesy, but I haven’t felt this way about someone in a long time, and there was no way I was gonna lose you.”

“Oh.” Affection and surprise well up in his throat, pressing down his words so all he can do is nestle closer to the cryptid and let himself be loved.

His mind rebounds quickly from his misadventure. His body would like him to remember it for a while so he doesn’t put it in such jeopardy again any time soon. Instead of helping Barclay with cooking and chores, he lays under the covers while the storm rattles the roof and the cook clangs pots on the lower floor.

Barclay, attentive to a fault, is downright doting now that he’s stuck in bed. He’s never without a hot drink or something to read, and the cryptid is happy to answer the majority of his questions about the finer points of being bigfoot. When it’s bedtime, his boyfriend pulls him atop his massive frame and cuddles him, whispering over and over that he’s glad he’s okay, until they fall asleep.

Today followed much the same pattern, though when dinner time rolls around he gets a fantastic surprise.

“Chocolate fondue?” He peers hopefully at the bed tray in Barclays hands.

“Only the best for you, babe.” The cook sets the burnished wood down on the bedside table, “we lucked out, the berries I bought last week are ripe.”

Joseph reaches for the fork, but Barclay beats him to it.

“You should save your energy. Since you’re, uh, still recovering.”

He shrugs, sets his hands in his lap and opens his mouth for a chocolate dipped raspberry. It doesn’t take long to spy Barclay’s ulterior motive. The cook has a whole wardrobe designed to fit his cryptid form, but it’s having trouble concealing certain things.

“You’re getting off on this.”

“I, uh, I, maybe a little” Barclay blushes under his fur.

Joseph raises an eyebrow, tilts his head at the bulge in Barclay’s pants, “You call that ‘little’?”

A rumbly whine, the fork paused halfway to Joseph’s mouth, “I can’t help it. I’ve got a thing for taking care of partners, especially ones who are all competent and put-together the rest of the time, and you look so good when you eat and, ohfuck.”

Joseph inhales sharply as chocolate hits his exposed upper chest. It’s not hot enough to burn, and he moans as the sensation seeps across his skin. Barclays eyes, wide and ravenous, keep flicking between the splatter and his face.

“Looks like you made a mess, big guy.” Joseph begins undoing the remaining buttons on his pajamas, “you should clean it up.”

“Fuck yeah.” Barclay lunges, mouth first, lapping and sucking at the marked skin as Joseph laughs. Their shirts hit the floor together as he digs his nails into auburn fur. Barclay grunts at the pressure, sits up with a grin, and drips a line of chocolate down the right side of Joseph’s ribs.

“Oops. Better fix that too.”

“Cleanliness is importantAH, ahhnn.” He squirms a bit as Barclay nuzzles his stomach before dragging his tongue up his skin. There’ve been times he mourned the fact T didn’t make him as hairy as some other guys, but right now he’s grateful for the clear canvas Barclay can mark however he pleases.

“A mess can be more fun.” The cook licks his lips, sucks a hickey above his belly button, “and by the time I’m done with you, babe, won’t be a single part of you that isn’t one.”

“Then get to it.” He shoves his pants down, lets Barclay pull them the rest of the way off and fold them. He lays back, resting his arms behind his head, and moans as the cook drizzles chocolate on each hip. Joseph feels like a gourmet dessert and, from the growls between his thighs, Barclay intends to treat him like one.

His boyfriend is always enthusiastic when sucking him off, but tonight he throws finesse out the window in favor of burying his face at the crease of each thigh in turn, licking his hips clean while clawing at his calves and sides. He lifts his head, wipes his mouth with a satisfied grin that shows the points of his teeth, and dives down again.

Joseph yelps with pleasure, the hint of fangs hitting all his buttons, lighting him up like downtown on a dark night. It’s intense, the scratch of fur on skin just different enough from the usual beard to remind him of who’s down there, and his legs try to kick closed. Barclay growls again, holding them open with ease.

“Not until I’m done with you, babe.”

He surrenders to flood of feelings from both outside and within him, Barclay’s sheer delight at his body rendering all his doubts and worries toothless and small, quieting them until all he can think about is incredible creature holding and all he can say is some variation on-

“Barclay, please, right there, lordalmighty that’s good, that’s so good big guy, please.” He squeezes his eyes shut, craving the impending orgasm more than he has words for. Barclay sucks determinedly and huffs, pleased, as Joseph's thighs tense in his hold and his climax chases away the remnants of yesterday's aches.

As his brain insists that really, body, opening our eyes isn’t that hard, there’s a metallic zip and strong legs bracketing his thighs.

“Here I thought you couldn’t look any better.” He murmurs as Barclay gleefully strokes his cock, “as soon as my brain works again, I’m coming up with so many ways to use that gorgeous thing.”

“Can’t, fuck, can't wait to hear ‘em, but I only got one for tonight; I’m gonna use it to cum alllll over that fucking perfect body, fuck, Joseph, you look so good when you’re ruined, fuck.” An impressive amount of cum spatters up his stomach, chest, and neck as Barclay howlgrowlpurrs and then sets his hands carefully on the bed.

Joseph’s whole body is sticky with chocolate, sweat, and cum, and Barclay definitely has at least two of those things mussed into his fur.

“You’re right, big guy, a mess can be fucking amazing.”

That being said, being sticky gets old quick, and soon they’re in the tub, Joseph whistling as he shampoos Barclay’s chest. The cryptid hasn’t stopped purring, and every time he looks Joseph’s way the sound deepens.

“When are you next in the city?”

The cook yawns, “Was gonna check on how the new chef de cuisine is getting on at Kepler in about two week.”

“Would you like to stay with me? It’s not fancy, but it’s close to the Ismuth, so you can get to Kepler on foot without trouble, and there are fewer crowds there this time of year. I suspect paparazzi are also less likely to track you down at some random house than at a hotel. That might make up for my lack of, um, high class amenities.”

“Good point. But I gotta be honest babe; as long as you’re there, that’s all I need to be happy.”

[lovetenya]

𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐲𝐚 𝐢𝐢𝐝𝐚 𝐝𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐡𝐜𝐬 (𝟐)

pairing: tenya iida x gn! reader

warnings: a couple of swear words. nobody’s angry or swearing at each other.

word count: 1.5k. i’d count it as a oneshot if it was more organized. :)

author’s note: thank you so much for the love on my work! your reblogs and comments make me so happy!! this one isn’t extremely romantic, but there is some fluffy reassurance. tenya deserves so much more love than he gets.

click on the star to read part one -> ✧

Dating Iida Tenya would ALSO include...

Tenya facetiming you to tell you all about the book he’s reading and to help with homework when you can’t be together 

He’s so passionate about his books! I mean, I hope so, because he has so many of them and I can totally see him thinking reading is a “worthy” hobby because it’s productive and “intellectually challenging”

Tenya: “I can’t believe the main character dies! That very rarely happens in literature! I wonder if the author was trying to say something about...”

If you’re not as much of a reader as he is, please act interested and show him you care what he’s talking about!!! He thrives on genuine interest because he’s familiar with being used for homework answers!! (more on that later)

If you thought his nerd rambles were bad, get ready for literary nerd rambles!!! They’re so much better!! (or worse, if you’re a hater)

He will proofread every single essay you write and read draft after draft and never complain

“Hm... I see where you were trying to go with this point, but your line of reasoning needs work.” 

“Is this claim evidence based? You really shouldn’t make assumptions without studying the bias the researchers may have possessed when gathering the data. It’s really easy to use the same statistics to prove two sides of the same argument and you shouldn’t--”

“Tenya, it’s a worksheet. It’s worth five points.”

“Even so! You should always put forth your best effort!”

He will offer his help, but vehemently insist that he’s not going to just give you the answers. No, you don’t get a break just because you’re his s/o. You’ve still gotta work for your grades.

He’ll make sure you’re the one figuring it out. (He wants you to succeed, duh. What kind of class representative would he be if he enabled academic dishonesty???)(A bad one)

People seem to forget that he tried to kill someone, had a sword driven through his shoulder and never really regained full control over his arm. Also, I’m pretty sure it’s confirmed that Iidas have to rip out their mufflers in order to grow new, stronger ones? That’s so scary? I think we should discuss this more. The man is a badass. He called Midoriya the famous “Mr. House Arrest” and called Bakugo a cretin??? He deserves so much more credit for his sassiness than he gets credit for. Just let him be a bossy legend, alright?

He would snap at you to start focusing when you’re studying together 

Don’t get me wrong, he likes you a whole lot, but he also cannot stand being behind on lessons and is not gonna let someone get between him and his hard earned A+++s

He doesn’t like to be together in the common room because he doesn’t like to be teased about the relationship he’s very proud of but very protective over

You’re both surprised you manage to juggle your hectic lives, but it just makes every moment more special

So you usually end up sneaking into his dorm room while he’s making rounds making sure everyone is safe in their rooms. 

(Okay so, I lied. This is the exception to the rule of ‘you don’t get breaks’. This time, he lets it (you) slide.)

He doesn’t want to be a bad role model for the others and give them any ideas, but he also doesn’t want to be a hypocrite

So if he were to see one of his classmates sneaking into someone’s dorm…. No he didn’t. 

He’s the kind of person that doesn’t care what his classmates do as long as they’re being safe. He’s not interested in the details. 

You often end up cuddled up in his bed under his blankets <3

His laptop sits on his lap and he’d put on a documentary, probably

He would ask you whether you came to talk or to watch the movie if you asked too many questions during it HAHA

“Why are you asking me about this? Haven’t you read chapter 9 in our science textbook? It gives a clear description of--”

“Dude. We’re on chapter four. How and more importantly, WHY are you so far ahead???”

“I was bored and wanted to be productive instead of letting my brain rot from idleness…”

“Oh my god. You’re such a nerd.”

He sticks out his tongue at you and pushes his glasses further up his nose at this blasphemous suggestion.

He’d pick up (or help cook) dinner beforehand so you don’t have to leave the room and risk being discovered!! (Even though literally nobody would snitch, he still doesn’t want to break the rules further than what he’s already guilty of)

I have a feeling he really like classic movies too and when you watch them together he’ll explain how they did all of the stunts or the special effects

He’d know every single word to a movie and would DEFINITELY recite his favorite parts dramatically, while still trying to make as little noise as possible

He’d do god-awful impressions and his silly exaggerated choppy hands to make you laugh

You love that it’s a side of him that nobody else gets to see because he doesn’t have very many opportunities to let loose and be a normal teenage boy

It’s just simple fun and it’s sweet to be there with him and to see him like this, especially when he goes into theatrical mode for his bedroom performances

Again, I’m mentioning the fact that a sword was driven through his shoulder and he allowed the injury to remain untreated because he wanted to have a reminder that he stood for something once. 

He had every opportunity to just have Recovery Girl kiss it better, but he’s too determined to be the best version of himself possible. He won’t forget the battles he fought to bring him to his inevitable victory.

Since his arms never returned to full capacity and he’s still in the beginning stages of recovery, his hand and arm cramp sometimes. He’s not one to complain about his pain, so you might have to pay attention to catch the way he hesitates to grab things sometimes, or how he flinches when he twists his arm the wrong way. 

He would never ask you to give him a massage, but if you did, he would be so grateful for the way your fingers seem to ease the knots of burning muscle. His muscles feel like corded steel underneath your hands, but they’re still extremely sensitive to touch.

He needs those gentle touches to remind him that he isn’t any weaker than anybody else just because he’s in pain. If anything, he’s stronger, because he’s living and succeeding through the pain that nobody else has. He hasn’t succumbed to the pain and he never will.

Everyone gets insecure sometimes, even Tenya Iida.

He needs reassurance sometimes that his classmates respect him and don’t hang out with him as a joke.

He just wants what’s best for them and doesn’t want them to think he’s being a hard ass for no reason or that he bosses them around for the hell of it

One day, you’re studying together and he’s visibly upset. You don’t want to press him though because if he wants to talk about it, he will. He does. 

He starts, “Do you think.. No, nevermind.”

You: “What was that?”

“No. It’s silly, really.”

“Please, Tenya, tell me what’s wrong.”

He sighs, knowing it’s no use holding it in. He hesitates, uncharacteristically nervous. 

He’s usually so sure of himself. This is weird, you think.

He says, “Do you think our classmates like me?”

“Like you? Why wouldn’t they like you?”

“Well, I’m not sure. Do you think they see me as a friend? Or just as their class representative?”

“Of course they see you as a friend, honey. For example.. you and I always hang out with Izuku, Ochaco, and Shoto! We’re all still classmates even if we’re always trying to one-up each other!”

With a raised eyebrow, he asks “You don’t think they just like me because I help them with their homework?”

“No way, Tenya. I’m sure they really like you for you.”

“How can you be so sure?”

“Well, they talk about you when you’re not around--”

He blurts, “Really? What do they say?”

“All good things, nothing to worry about at all.” He lets out a breath at this (phew!) You continue, “They talk about how responsible you are--”

“They do not!” He sends a glare, but there isn’t any malice behind his eyes.

“No really! They do! They all admire you so much and they all wish they were as respected as you are!”

“Respected?”

“Yes, Tenya. They respect you.”

“Then why do they make fun of me so much? Just because I’m responsible doesn’t mean I don’t have feelings.”

“I know. They tease you because they’re your friends and it’s funny when you snap back at them. They’re trying to get you to lighten up a little.”

“Oh. They think I’m funny?”

“They sure do.”

“Hm…”

“I promise, honey. Your classmates like you, your friends like you, and everyone likes being around you. You’re more than just “a pleasure to have in class”, you know. And I’m not just saying that because I’m biased.”

“Thank you, my love. That made me feel a lot better.”

“Oh, good. Can I hug you now?”

“Yes, please.”

He pulls you into a hug and you both hum, content in each other’s warm embrace. You can’t help but softly smile.

thank you for reading! love, TJ ✮

link to my masterlist

[blysse-and-blunder]

in lieu of a commonplace book

6pm, sunday, sept 12, 2021

what, again? i hear you cry. yeah, me too. this is a quick a roundup after the zeroth week of the term which is promising to be the most chaotic yet.

reading finished watership down! i get the reputation that this book has now, for making cute woodland creatures dark and dramatic-- but it was the mythological/linguistic/poetic stuff that i liked the most. the lapine vocab just always ended up...sounding and tasting very satisfying, good mouth feel. and at last section with the assault on efrafra was so stressful-- and the various twist endings!-- and i was glad to realize that i'd gotten personally invested in a couple of characters; seeing bigwig in the epilogue, having grown old, having survived, hit me hard.

i also finished the chosen and the beautiful, and turned around and have told everyone i talk to about it. i've also picked up aliette de bodard's in the vanisher's palace, and it has been reminding me incessantly about the d*sney film raya and the last dragon, which i watched a little bit of on the plane to nyc. like!! the world building, the dragons, the post-apoc setting, the big gay energy. this novel seems to only have characters who use she or they pronouns, and they address pronouns in some interesting ways too, to convey formality, register, intimacy between characters, etc. i wish the overall writing style was less variable though-- the geometry of the titular palace is meant to be anti-geometric, nausea-inducing, dizzying, and sometimes the jumps from scene to scene almost mirror that?

listening this is my memo to myself to click on my mutuals' music links more often. i took a chance on @girlfriendsofthegalaxy's cowboy-joke post of miya folick's "stop talking (about that boy)" and then spent a solid week on a miya folick kick, just listening to her same album premonitions. i don't know if i can shoehorn my dnd character's backstory into the lyrics of "deadbody", but something about the righteous fury in her voice, it really does feel like faertrin, and in my head it's an anthem for my weird little man. please listen to it for its own sake, though, the video makes it clear that it's really about domestic violence vel sim, not dnd revolutionaries.

watching nothing quite like getting to the end of the timeskip in the untamed in grand style, with lotus root and rib soup made by the inimitable @pep-squad-lizzie, a heartbreaking montero powerpoint by @dimir-charmer, dessert by @hematiterings, and emperor's smile by me, after nearly eight months of working on this show together. y'all. the catharsis. i can start posting things from my drafts folder now that Certain Characters are dead, thank god, i only have uhhhhh 1k drafts or so.

playing my dnd campaign one resumes tomorrow! they're all coming over to my back porch, for my first time hosting after being in this group for more than a year! i'm feeling extremely normal about this!

making a housemate and i threw some brownies together last night, while keeping out of the way as an outgoing housemate moved out-- it went fairly quickly, wasn't nearly as tense as i was afraid it was, and we sent them away with a mushy brownie piece each. phew.

working on in a rare moment of only having one (more or less) project to work on, i actually sent my prof a draft outline of the paper the same week i had planned to, as well as the updated draft of the intro essay with all the changes she asked for. now to...outline a diss proposal..........spent thursday being back in an academic library for the first time since march 2020, which was fine, even mildly comical as i watched new students try to navigate the stacks elevators, it was very like 'well this is business as usual and not even that nostalgic' up until i stepped into one of the classrooms in this particular niche topic-specific library on campus, which just looked so...hopeful and nervous and expectant, with its carefully marked seats and hand sanitizers. when will there be an in-person palaeography class in there again? not this fall. but the room is ready. :')

[manchvrian-candidate]

PHEW, what a crazy couple of weeks. work has kept me so busy that I’ve had zero time to write, and even if I wanted to write I couldn’t because my muse has just been completely dead lately.... but I’m feeling alright today, so I’m hoping to use some of my time to undust my blog and get some stuff done.

I’m honestly thinking I might clear out my inbox and RP Tracker and trim down on some threads while I’m at it. writing has been hard for me lately and I’ve been overloading myself a lot trying to interact with new people and keep threads alive and just generally make other RPers happy. It’s feeling like it might be time for a fresh start (already? yes.)

also I'm considering making this blog mostly plot-based from here on out. It’s so much easier for me to do a thread when I’ve talked to the other mun before and we’ve worked out a plot to follow, and then I can feel comfortable pushing threads in certain directions without being like “oh god they’re going to hate it.”

so yeah, those are my updates (for now). I’m going to spend the day lurking in my drafts and inbox. if we have a thread that you want to continue but maybe make a plot for, feel free to shoot me a message! if we can’t come up with anything for a current thread, we can always start something new :) 

[punkedhero]

I’m going to do a soft revamp here. I’ve been considering it for a while & really struggling with myself to go through with it. Lately i’ve just come to realize it’s time to put situations behind me & move forward. Below the cut i’m going to get personal with what’s been going on & to some it’ll be some mindless rambling but to me it’s opening up in ways I haven’t been able to. So i’m throwing my personal ramblings under the read more ( feel free to ignore it ). 

Anyway, this blog is almost a year old! I’ve decided to softly revamp here while I still figure out what to do with Jirou. So what a soft revamping means is:

I’m going to slap a new mains call on the dash.

I’m going to slap a new relationships call on the dash.

I’m deleting old drafts that I can’t find the muse for.

I’m clearing out my inbox so I can reblog some fresh memes.

I am attempting to be a social creature & reach out in hopes of making new friends. 

Alright… this is going to get very personal here. I am sorry for how lengthy this is going to become and for what may seem like rambling but I just need to pour my heart out here and talk about things. I have been so scared these last few months to post anything that could come off as personal or venting in any way because I never want anyone to assume I’m negative or whiney all the time. But I also have to remind myself that this is my blog, this is my safe space, and this is my area to try to reach out to other passionate writers and make friends. I don’t want to log onto here and feel my anxiety spike up. I don’t want to log in anymore and feel uncomfortable looking at the dashboard and play the “oh gosh does this person like me?” game. I am here to write for muses that I feel strongly for and to have a creative outlet of a shared hobby to share with others. I just want to move on from bad experiences here and try to rekindle my love for this particular fandom.

As many of you know I have been in the MHA / BNHA fandom for a good year now, a little longer given my first muse. I can easily say this is the first fandom I was ever warmly welcomed into with open arms. When I started this blog back last February I had no idea I would be walking into such a roller coaster of a community. I have made a handful of amazing friends here who I consider very close to me and love dearly. They are the reason this blog still exists. These friends know who they are and I want them to know I truly appreciate everything they do for me.

However, I’ve also met many individuals who I called my friend at some point or another and have been hurt a lot this last year. Which I know many of us have been struggling last year because phew the world sucks right now. Regardless, I have felt so uncomfortable lately with being on my blog because I’ve had to cut some ties with individuals who I no longer got along with or couldn’t see myself staying friends with any longer. That’s human, that happens. Everyone has the right to unfollow, unfriend, and block anyone else that just isn’t their friend any longer. It’s life. To individuals that I’ve hurt through this process of finding myself I am sorry. I am sorry we could no longer get along or found ourselves walking different paths. I wish you the best and hope that you’re doing well. You deserve that and I’ll always respect your wishes!

  These last few months I have been battling with my mental health furiously. What many mutuals do not know because honestly I do not make a big deal about it is that I’m bipolar and have been fighting off depression. As many of us are still currently! And for those that are doing the same my heart goes out to you & I hope you’re doing better lately! This season sucked, truly. Personally, I found it difficult to reach out to friends and carry out conversations because some days I just do not have the energy to even type or keep up with anything. That’s no one’s fault. It’s just how it is sometimes. But despite that I want to reintroduce positivity back into my life. Because the only way I can be happy is to make myself happy.

  I’d love to meet some new friends who I can share laughs with, ships with, and make this year a far better year than what last year gave us. I want to rekindle my current friendships so we can continue to write together. Basically what i’m rambling on about is that I’d love to have the opportunity to have a lot of friends. A distraction from work, school, and family to come home with new ideas for writing is so amazing and I’d love to have that back. Thank you to anyone who’s read all of this and thank you for sticking around. On this blog anniversary coming up I’m going to be gushing about all my mutuals and looking forward to moving on from what last year was. I love you all, thank you for being so supportive!