#phrenics talks | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

sulphuryasecretcloset · 2 years

Text

This is the Way

(Okay, so this one goes out to @veryapricoteggflower for the incredibly kind and encouraging words that gave me the oompf needed to post this longass piece I wrote a while back, and to @phrenic-a for the eternal patience and empathy shown when I complain about the characters making things difficult for me xD And, yeah, Dez is about to face more challenges, some more unexpected than others!)

Usually Dez prefers to train his markmanship alone, or in the company of Paz and Raga, but Davarax' threat of friendship is still something that idiot is working on and so Dez occasionally gets dragged along to do blaster target practice. Today is such a day. But Dez' crankiness turns into something boyishly giddy when, for the first time ever, Neleem shows up to watch.

She is a bit quiet and seems slightly distracted by whatever is on her mind, but she orders Dez to finish his target practice and he goes about doing just that. He's suddenly far more motivated to hit his target than usual and is beyond pleased when he does better than usual as a result.

When they have fired their last rounds, Dez twirls and whirls the blaster in his hand, showing off his best moves for Neleem's eyes while Davarax walks over to inspect their hits. Beskar Boy might be the better shot, but Dez knows he looks better, way better, while shooting, and no harm in Neleem seeing that, right? He might not have many other redeeming qualities, other than being a Vizla, but at least she married a man who looks damn good in battle.

“Do you want to try having a baby?” Neleem asks.

Dez fumbles and nearly drops the gun, reflexes making him squeeze it, and he fires off a shot that goes by dangerously close to Davarax' head.

Davarax spins around in startled anger. “That's not funny! You nearly hit me, you idiot!”

“It was an accident.” Dez shouts back at him, as flustered and startled as Davarax himself.

“Accident?” Davarax yells, angry and anything but convinced. “You just 'accidentally' nearly shot me in the head? Are you serious?!”

“Yes!” Dez is getting angry too now. Just because Beskar Boy never makes mistake, that doesn't give him the right to bite down on Dez' ass for making one. “But keep pushing me and the next one won't be an accident and it won't miss your head!”

Davarax sputters something, but Neleem places a light hand on Dez' arm and he forgets all about Beskar Boy and can't think about anything but her shocking words. “Neleem, what...?”

“I'm sorry. I shouldn't have...” Neleem looks as embarrassed as he feels. “My timing was...”

Dez shakes his head, tries to shake off the shock and his brain into working again. “Fine. It's fine. Don't worry about it. That moron deserves a little shaking up every once in a while.” He clears his throat. “I'm just slightly worried I had a stroke and misheard what you said.”

“I asked,” Neleem mumbles awkwardly, looking down at where her hand is resting on his arm, “if you wanted to try having a baby?”

Dez stares at her. So he didn't hallucinate. Is she hallucinating? “You're asking... me?” There has to be something he's misunderstanding here. She can't be asking him that. “Me?” He repeats, hoping to make her realize who she is talking to.

Neleem nods before she dares to sneak a peek up at his face. Her cheeks are flushed.

Dez struggles to find the ability to formulate sentences again. He can't even muster up any anger to respond to Davarax' snarling as he stalks by them. “Neleem, I...”

“If you don't want to, that's okay!” Neleem reassures him in a hurry as she places both hands on his chest. “It's just a question. Not an ultimatum. Not a demand. Just a question, Dez.”

It doesn't make sense. Why would she even ask? Dez notices his mouth feels horribly dry. “You never mentioned wanting... before...”

“I know.” Neleem sighs, leaning forward and resting her cheek against his chest, probably hearing the erratic beating of his heart as he hadn't armored up for mere training. His punishment for being lazy. “It wasn't something I even considered. I've always looked after other people's children and that was enough. I never felt the time was right, I never had a decent life to offer a child, and... there was never the right partner.”

Dez feels something cold traveling up his spine. Right partner? For having children? How can she say that and mean him? “Neleem. I'm a shitty father. We both know that.”

“Were.” Neleem states, wrapping her arms around his waist. “You 'were' a shitty father. You're not that man anymore. Just ask Paz. Or Liita. You didn't hesitate to adopt her, did you?”

Dez exhales. “No, because she's even meaner than I am and she'll kick my ass if she feels like it.”

Neleem lets out a soft laugh, knowing the truth of his words, but she looks up at him again and now with the softest expression in her eyes. “That girl worships you. Just like your son and his girlfriend. You're not as unlovable as you like to think, Dez Vizla. I should know because I love you too.”

Clenching his jaw, not trusting his voice right now, Dez basically scowls at her because there are far too many soft, hopeful and yearning emotions whirling away inside him at the moment.

Pulling back a little, lifting a hand and patting his chest, Neleem smiles with a painful mix of sadness and affection. “What if you think about it? No rush. No pressure. If it feels wrong for you, we won't. I promise you I can live with whatever you decide and I won't love you any less for it. It's just a question, an option, a possible possibility, okay? Our family is perfect the way it is, so, please, don't feel I need this. I'd like it, but I don't need it. You hear me?”

Dez nods. He feels numb. And he merely watches as Neleem flees.

How could she want a baby with him? Him! He has proven himself to be entirely unsuitable to the task, a complete failure to his son, and so the broken whispers of his old wish for a big family doesn't matter. He crushed that dream into a deep grave and buried it alive a long time ago.

There is no point in thinking about it. So he won't. He's a Vizla; if he decides not to do something, he won't do it.

Easy peasy.

Watching Paz and Raga train is always a treat, they are skilled for their age, but it turns a bit entertaining when they somehow manage to drag Liita into a session. Dez is sitting on the fence surrounding the sand-covered area they had created for soft landings when Paz wanders over to take a sip of his water bottle next to his father while Raga shows Liita some stances with only a mild amount of bullying involved. (Standing as far from everyone else as possible, Din and Corin are pretending to be there for training but are basically just ogling and pawing each other.)

“Raga should be careful.” Paz declares with glee, taking a deep gulp of water before looking back at the girl in question. “Liita will go after her kneecaps and show no mercy.”

“Yeah.” Usually this would amuse Dez to no end, but now he can't even get himself to smile properly. He feels... off. Weird. Unsettled.

Raga cackles and Liita snarls.

“It's weird to get a sibling when you're basically an adult, right?” Dez mumbles, glancing over at his son.

Paz shrugs, not taking his eyes off the girls. “Not really. It worked out for both of us. I mean, Liita never had siblings either and I always wanted a sister or a brother.”

Dez remembers. When Paz was just a kid, he'd asked his father for a sibling as a Life Day present three years in a row. “But it would be weird getting one now if it was, you know, a baby, right?”

Spinning around to face Dez, Paz blurts out, far too loudly; “Is Neleem pregnant?”

Dez flinches and gestures frantically for him to lower his voice. “No! No, she's not pregnant.” He glances over at Raga and Liita, feels his face grow hot as they are staring at them, then turns his focus back to his son again. It's unsettling how delighted Paz had sounded and how there is actual disappointment in his eyes upon hearing there is no new incoming sibling. “I was just making conversation. Okay?”

Paz does not look convinced.

Clearing his throat, Dez wishes he never had said anything. “She's not pregnant, I promise.” He shifts his weight a little uneasily and feels his upper lip tug at a snarl. “Stop staring at me.” He wishes he had put on his helmet before talking to his son.

Paz sighs, takes another swallow from his water before putting the bottle back where he'd gotten it from and turns to walk back to the two girls. “Nemi's karking cute and Corin hogs her all the time. Would've been nice to have my own baby sibling to show off, you know?”

Scowling, Dez watches as Paz joins up with Raga again and only realizes Liita has now taken up position next to him when she speaks.

“Pregnant, huh?” Liita mutters.

“She's not...” Dez starts off a little too angrily and has to calm his temper before he can look over at the girl next to him and finish his sentence in a calmer voice. “...pregnant. Okay?”

“Okay.” Liita replies and the two watch Paz and Raga spar for a little while. Eventually Liita speaks up again. “This having children thing, it's a big deal to Mandalorians.” “It is.” Dez confirms, now hating himself for having opened his big mouth at all.

“What if I don't want kids...?” Liita asks.

Dez shrugs. “You're just a kid yourself right now. You got plenty of time. Wait until the right guy comes along and you might change your mind.”

Liita nods, goes quiet for moment or two, then she draws a sharp breath and looks over at him. “But what if I get older and I still don't want kids? What if I never want kids?”

Her voice is low and defiant, but also somehow a little shaky. Is she worried that might make Dez regret adopting her? He absently places his arm around her and squeezes her obnoxiously tight. “Then you'll still be Liita. You'll still be my daughter. You'll still be a mechanical genius, a foul mouthed beast and a gift to any Mandalorian tribe. And that will never change. Understood?”

Liita almost smiles and has to fight hard to hide it. “Understood.” She wiggles herself free from him and is about to walk back to Paz and Raga when she glances back at Dez. “You know, you're turning into a pretty good dad, old man. I'm glad I adopted you.”

Grinning, Dez lifts his hand and gives her a rude gesture, which has her grin and return the gesture before heading over to Paz and Raga again.

Lowering his hand, Dez watches the kids train and tells himself to ignore how Liita and Paz' words start to mix with the echo of Neleem's question inside his head.

Dez does firmly not think about it at all for the next two days and pretends the tension and restlessness is just because Sobek and the others are driving him crazy with their nagging.

“I never should have said anything.” Neleem whispers a late night. “It wasn't the right time.”

“You should always tell me when you want something.” Dez declares, faking confidence. Doing things for another soul, getting them what they want, that's how you show you care, right? Borr taught him that. When Dez was a kid, his initial instinct to show he cared was always to reach out, to hug or simply touch an arm, desperately craved physical contact from others to know they cared about him as well, but his father was quick to inform him how that was a display of weakness and that affection could only be proven through usefulness. And Vizlas aren't weak. Ever.

(While he never managed to rid himself of the bad habit of hugging all together, and couldn't get himself to teach Paz that hugging was wrong, Dez did get better at being strong over the years.)

One way to burn off the frustrating restlessness gnawing inside him is working out. Dez enters the shed they had set up for lifting weights and has a moment of fierce irritation when he finds Beskar Boy there, in the middle of his own work out session. Lying on the bench, lifting and lowering the bar with enough weight to compete with Dez' own sets, Davarax still has the energy to greet him. “Hey, buddy. I'm almost done.”

Dez doesn't dignify him with an answer, merely turns away and leans against the door frame to look out at the town nearby. If he watches Davarax, odds are that he won't be able to resist pointing out mistakes and bad form and it will snow on Tatooine before Dez willingly helps Davarax get even better at something.

Staring at nothing, Dez waits in silence and isn't quite aware of what he's doing until there is a sting of pain and the taste of blood in his mouth. Only then does he realize he's gnawing at the side of the nail on his left thumb. (Nail biting. Another occasional bad habit he's never been able to shake.) There is a burst of more irritation inside him and Dez yanks his hand down to his side while he resents himself for showing such obvious signs of weakness.

He has to make it stop. Telling himself not to think about it is clearly not working. Dez is about to storm off to find some other way to vent, maybe Furyan is free to do some fighting, when the painfully obvious solution presents itself to him. If there is one person in the entire Galaxy that will tell Dez, out loud and to his face, without mercy, how bad of an idea Neleem's question is; Beskar Boy won't hesitate.

Dez clears his throat, crosses his arms and locks his gaze on the roof of one of the buildings in town. “Neleem asked if I wanted to try having a kid.”

Expecting an outburst of shock and horror, Dez is a little surprised to hear absolutely nothing from the man behind him. Nothing. Not a single word leaves Davarax' lips. Seconds go by, still nothing.

Dez clenches his jaw as more irritation burns inside him. Beskar Boy can't even do this for him.

A faint gargling sound catches Dez' attention and he automatically glances back over his shoulder, only to start and rush over as he sees Davarax choking due to the iron bar pressing down on his throat and his trembling arms being unable to lift it.

The second Dez grabs a hold of the bar and lifts it up, Davarax rolls off the bench and stumbles away, coughing and heaving for air. He rubs his throat when he is forced to a halt as he has backed up against the wall.

Puzzled, Dez just stands there like an idiot while the other idiot regains his breath and brain capacity.

“What is it with actively trying to kill me these days?!” Davarax snaps the second he's able to.

Hot fury spreads through his veins and Dez drops the bar for it to hit the floor with a thundering sound. “It's not my fault you put on more weight than you can lift!”

“I was able to lift it just fine before you came along and distracted me!” Davarax declares.

Dez snarls with burning indignation and stalks towards Beskar Boy until he's up in his face. “I'm not allowed to speak around you all of a sudden?”

Davarax takes a couple of deep breaths, shuts his eyes tight before opening them again and the anger seems to drain from his body. “I didn't mean...” He meets Dez' gaze and sighs. “I just freaked out. I couldn't breathe and... I overacted. I'm sorry.”

Dez blinks. He's... sorry? The man is apologizing? What the hell is Dez supposed to..? What is... No. Anger flares up inside him, vicious anger, and Dez throws a punch.

Unnaturally quick reflexes makes it so Davarax manages to dodge the worst of it, the fist merely grazes his cheekbone before slamming into the wall behind him, and he spins around to shove Dez face first into the very same wall. There he holds him, an arm across the back of Dez' neck, and shouts: “Will you stop trying to hit me all the time, you idiot?!”

“Then stop pissing me off!” Dez shouts back, squirming angrily.

“Then I'll have to really stop breathing as that seems to be enough to piss you off!” Davarax counters.

Ramming his elbow back into Beskar Boy, forcing him to let to and back away with a harsh breath, Dez is the one to spin around now, with every intention to beat the snot out of the other man when... Davarax' palm connects with Dez' cheek and snaps his face to the side with a loud, stinging slap.

Stunned, too shocked for anger, Dez slowly reaches up and touches the burning skin before he just as slowly turns his face back to stare at Davarax with utter disbelief.

Davarax, who is pointing a stern finger right into Dez' face. “Stop. Trying. To hit me. Okay?”

“You...” Dez stutters, struggling to believe what had just happened. “You slapped me.”

Davarax crosses his arms defensively. “Yeah. I did.”

“You slapped me. Like some Alderaan politican.” Dez rambles on, hand still on his cheek.

“It worked. Made you stop, didn't it?” This is when Davarax fails to keep a straight face and he snorts a laugh, as if he too is struggling to believe he'd just done that.

Dez hears himself snorting a laugh as well. He can't help it. It's too surreal.

Visibly relieved, Davarax reaches out and places a cautious but friendly hand on Dez' shoulder. “Are we done fighting? Can we talk now?”

Suddenly strangely reluctant to talk after his words had startled Davarax so badly he nearly suffocated himself, Dez rubs his cheek and moves to leave the damn shed. He finds he doesn't want to hear the painful truth after all. Not right now, at least. “I'm done talking.” The amiable hand on his shoulder tightens its grip and he barely gets to take one step forward before Dez is forced to a halt and he sighs. Great. He braces himself and looks over at Davarax, wanting it over with.

“You said she wanted to try. What about you? What do you want?.” Davarax says a little awkwardly.

Dez shrugs his free shoulder, trying for a neutral face but suspects he looks sullen. “What I want doesn't matter. I've already shown that I can't raise a kid.” The truth hurts. It burns. Especially in front of Beskar Boy. However, Dez is no coward and will face the pain.

Davarax looks disgustingly sympathetic. “Things are different now, Dez. You're different. And this time, you won't be raising them alone. You have a wife, family and friends to help you.”

Frowning, not liking the way agonized hope starts clawing inside his chest, Dez pretends to stare out the open door. “Having a wife, family and friends didn't prevent me from making Paz' life a misery.”

“Give me your hands.” Davarax says.

“What?” Dez looks over at him, confused.

Beskar Boy holds out his hands for Dez to place his in them. “Give me your hands.” “No.” Dez replies, pauses, then adds; “Why?”

“Because what I'm going to tell you is going to make you try to hit me again.”

Scowling, Dez does not like the sound of that. “Then don't say it.”

Davarax merely wiggles his fingers.

“No.” Dez growls and means to stalk away, but the damn man is too fast and steps in front of him again.

“Okay. Fine.” Davarax says in a rush. “No hands. Just... try not to hit me, or I'll have to slap you again.” Dez frowns, not keen on experiencing that again. It's too weird. “Fine.”

Nodding, Davarax doesn't look entirely convinced, but he does speak. “The family you had left at that time didn't care, not like Paz does. You had followers, but not real friends. And Skade-”

Dez exhales a sharp breath, physically twitching at the sound of that name, and angry heat flares up his neck. “You're right” No one says that name around him. “I want to punch you now.” He clenches his right hand into a tight fist and only manages to hold back due to pure willpower.

Davarax avoids his gaze and folds in on himself a bit to probably appear less physically intimidating and completely non-confrontational. “I'm just saying things are different now, Dez. If she wants to try for a kid and you want the same, I think you should at least talk to her. Tell her what's worrying you.” Beskar Boy huffs a faint laugh. “Fine, yeah, roll your eyes, Dez.” Did he? Yeah, probably. “But talking is what brought your son back to you. Use your words, man.” He has the audacity to give Dez' shoulder a playful slap. “Nemi would love for there to be another kid around, someone closer to her age.”

Dez is too stunned to punch him.

When dusk has crawled over the planet and people are settling down for the night, Dez is sitting on the bed, staring at the floor, when Neleem enters and walks over to him.

“Hey, are you okay?” She sounds worried.

“Sit.” Dez says, patting the mattress next to him.

Usually orders makes Neleem instantly rebellious, but there is no arrogance in his voice and the last couple of days' stifling atmosphere makes her merely sit down and she looks at him in silence as if bracing for whatever he's about to say.

Dez hesitates, has to dig deep to find the courage, then looks over at her worried face. “I've been thinking about what you said. And, I don't want to ruin another kid's life.”

Frowning, Neleem shakes her head a little. “What makes you think you would?”

“Because I'm me.” Dez says with a touch of bitter amusement. “You know what I'm like.”

Neleem reaches over and places her hand over his, giving it a gentle squeeze. “Do you want another child, Dez?”

“That doesn't matter.”

“Of course it matters.” Neleem squeezes his hand again. “And it is the first thing we need to sort out, before we talk about your worries.”

Talk. Of course. Dez should resent it, but... he finds himself willing to try. Beskar Boy was right; talking had built a tentative bridge between Dez and Paz, so maybe it could work here as well? “What I want and what is right might not be the same thing, Neleem.”

“Do you? Yes or no.”

Feeling the pressure of her question, wanting to be honest but worried what it might lead to, Dez stalls for a moment before managing a faint nod. He had sworn never to lie to her.

“Okay, good, then we can move on to the next question.” Neleem says, tugging his hand slightly to make him look over at her again. “But if you need a break or I ask something you don't want to talk about, you say 'that is enough' and we'll stop. Do you understand?”

To Dez' endless relief, she doesn't look angry, impatient or, worst of all, resentful. He feels a tiny release in his tense muscles. He even manages to fake a little nonchalance. “Ask your question, Neleem.”

“Do you understand?” Neleem repeats, clearly not moving on until he confirms so he nods. She eyes him for a moment, scanning him, then does indeed ask her question. And it is followed by others. And slowly, Neleem tugs at one string after another until she unravels a terrifying amount of Dez' fears and concerns about bringing an infant into their lives, all while gently countering them with her views and some facts he cannot deny.

After nearly two hours of feeling like he's balancing on top of the sharp edge of a blade, Dez finally buckles and, to his humiliation, has to use the words Neleem had given him.

“That's enough.” Dez reluctantly mutters. He's exhausted, like he's done battle for two hours instead of just talking, and can feel the urge to reach for anger to shield himself from more questions.

“Yeah...” Neleem replies, and to his surprise; she looks pleased with him. “Yeah, I think that's enough for tonight.” She reaches out and gently cups the side of his face. “Thank you. For this.”

“For being weak?” Dez whispers with weary bitterness.

“For being strong.” Neleem corrects him. Her eyes are stern but not cruel. She means it. Which is even weirder. “Throwing a punch is easy. I know this is very difficult for you.” She caresses his face. “But I promise; it will be worth it.”

Dez nods. It goes against everything he's been taught in the past, but he chooses to believe her.

He had told her how bad of an idea it would be for him to sire a child thinking it would result in a quick and painful resolution, but Dez discovers that he couldn't have been more wrong. Instead it results in three days of more uncomfortable talking, startling realizations and, something Dez has never agreed to in the past, compromises.

“Any child of mine will be raised as a Mandalorian.” He informs her on the second evening.

“I have no problem with that.” Neleem replies. “I've learned the value of being able to fight and defend yourself, and Mandalorian culture is something I agree with. But no child of mine will be trained with harsh words and impossible demands.”

Dez knows he should quote the old sayings, gems and decay and all that, but Davarax trained Din and the others with strict kindness and those kids are still alive alongside Paz, and they never hated their teacher, so... “Agreed.” Borr can kiss his ass from the afterworld.

And there are even some fears eased when he tells her about them.

“You're not bad with children, Dez. Last week, when Nemi climbed up on the table and got a hold of your helmet after you'd placed it there and then poured her glass of juice into it, you didn't get angry. You didn't even raise your voice.”

Dez scoffs, a little offended. “Of course not. She's just a little one.” He's a shitty person, not a monster.

Neleem takes his hand and lifts it to her lips, kissing it, before looking at him with a stunning amount of affection in her dark eyes. “No one showed you kindness or patience as a child, yet you know to apply both to toddler antics. Don't you see how wonderful that is?”

He doesn't. But the way she looks at him when she's saying this? It gives him even more hope.

And slowly; after the uncomfortable conversations, after going from resenting the words she'd given him to stop the talking to feeling less reluctant to enter into the conversations because of them, (Especially as Neleem doesn't resent him for using said words.) the idea of a child becomes increasingly less scary and more like the wonderful creation his younger self had considered them.

There will be a cost, he knows that, but... The happiest time in his life had been the years after Paz was born. And seeing his son just about grown up, the person he's become despite having such a bad father, Dez has never been more proud. To have and to share that with Neleem... Isn't that worth the heartache guaranteed to follow? He's not a coward, dank farrik.

“Let's go for it.” Dez says on the fourth night as they are drifting off to sleep.

Neleem lifts her head and squints sleepily at him through the darkness. “Are you saying what I think you're saying?”

“Yeah.” Dez replies, glancing over at her and smiling a bit at her sleepy expression. He's strangely at peace with his decision. Worried? Yes. Dreading what the cost will be? Definitely. Yet, Neleem's calm and her belief in him, it makes him want it anyway.

Frowning, Neleem reaches up and touches his face. “We don't have to, remember? We're just talking about it.”

“I know.” Dez reassures her.

Neleem hums with a faint smile, curls back down under the covers and lets sleep claim her.

The next day, she spends the entire morning and part of the day to grill Dez on his decision, prodding and prying and making sure he's not simply indulging her. She seems wary but hopeful and when Dez doesn't change his mind or waver in his decision at all; Neleem is finally convinced.

Two days later, after a long day of hassling Beskar Boy, Dez is getting comfortable in bed when Neleem walks in and pauses by the bed to just stand there. Instantly alert, worried there is bad news, Dez frowns. “What's wrong?”

“I had the chip turned off.” Neleem tells him, her keen eyes scanning his face for his reaction.

The words do land heavy in Dez' gut, but they also bring a nervous excitement. “Well then,” Dez says, reaching out a hand, “no time to waste.”

Laughing, Neleem takes his hand and lets him gently pull her down next to him. She is trying hard to act calm and collected, but her eyes give her away as they shine with the exact same nervous excitement. “You know, me being a togruta and you being a human, it might not work at all. It doesn't always.”

Dez moves closer and takes a light hold of her chin as he fails to hold back a faint smile. “You and me, working on something together? Cyare, we'll get it right on the very first try.”

Now Neleem outright giggles, definitely nervous but not in a bad way. She tugs him along as she rolls over on her back and gives him an outright coy smile. “Big words, tough guy.”

“You'll see I'm right.” Dez murmurs, then leans down for a beginning kiss.

After a fun and delightfully vigorous night, Dez fails to react at all when there is a harsh knock on the door far too early next morning. He's deep into sleep, his face deep into the pillow, when the knocking comes again and once again it doesn't even register with him.

It's on the third round of knocking, accompanied with an irritated shout of; “Dez! Wake your ass up!” from outside the room, when Neleem reaches over and blindly slaps the back of her hand against Dez' shoulder blade and forces him to react.

Grunting annoyed, Dez pushes himself up, squints a glare of hatred at the door before getting out of bed. He yanks on a pair of pants and stomps over to maim whomever is making all of this noise.

It makes absolutely PERFECT sense that the sinner turns out to be Beskar Boy himself.

Bracing one arm against the side of the door frame, Dez scowls at Davarax. “This had better be important. I am one wrong word from punching your face.”

“Get dressed.” Davarax says, all stern business and with no sign of this being a joke. “I need your help. We got to go.”

Dez is suddenly awake, but Neleem is the one who speaks first.

“What's going on?” She asks, sitting up in bed with the covers wrapped around herself, and looking more than a little worried.

Davarax radiates tension and... anger? He hesitates before looking over at her. “Some mercs ambushed Zev and Mose. She's hurt bad, Dulcy is patching her up, but she made it back here to get help. They shot Mose up with something, something that knocked him out, and they took him away, talking about how they were finally rich.”

Dez simply moves over to get fully dressed and armoured up. Time to go and kill some mercs.

Neleem gives a faint shake of her head in utter disbelief and horror. “How can I help?”

“Stop the kids from going after us.” Davarax replies. “They'll want to come along when they find out, and me and Dez need to focus on tracking the mercs down and getting Mose back.”

“You and Dez?” Neleem looks from one to the other. “Just the two of you? Aren't you bringing the others?”

Davarax looks down at the floor and he sighs.

“They won't help.” Dez says in a flat voice, attaching his breastplate and making sure it is secure before picking up his left pauldron to attach that as well. “Mose is not a Mandalorian. He's not officially family. I'm not sure if any of them have even spoken to him. They won't see this as their business.”

“Then order them.” Neleem snaps, getting an even tighter grip on the sheets before shuffling across the mattress on her knees to sit kneeling at the very edge and as close as she can get to Dez. “You're their leader, right? You can order them to help.”

Dez attaches the second pauldron. “I could.” He connects his flame thrower and grabs his helmet and his jetpack. “But I wouldn't be leader for long if I did.” Pausing next to Davarax, Dez looks back at Neleem with calm confidence. “Don't worry. Me and this idiot got this.” Some mercs? Dez has taken on worse opponents by himself and barely broken a sweat. With Beskar Boy as a distraction, this will be easy peasy.

Neleem is not happy, but she manages to nod with reluctant acceptance. “Be careful. Get him back. And hurry home.”

Dez and Davarax nod in unison before they walk out of the room and set course for the Razor Crest. “Stocked up?” Dez asks, meaning weapons and ammunition.

“Always.” Davarax replies. “We're good.” Of course. As if Beskar Boy would be lacking in any department. But for today, Dez will forgive him for his disgusting perfection because it makes their mission easier. Davarax is right; if the kids wake up and find out what has happened to Mose, they'll want to come along and will end up slowing them down instead. Better hurry.

They make it to the ship, barely visible in the semi-darkness of the very crack of dawn, but Dez exhales with annoyed frustration when it becomes clear that two shapes are waiting for them in front of the ship's ramp.

Dulsissia has her arms crossed and a tense frown on her face, but her gaze is resting on the soul next to her rather than the two Mandalorians approaching, because next to her is Zev'sonya.

Dez notes that the girl has what looks like a broken arm bandaged up in a sling, several cuts on her face and a worryingly stubborn expression on her angry face.

“I'm coming with you.” Zev'sonya states.

“Zev...” Davarax sighs, shaking his head. “You-”

“I'm coming with you.” Zev'sonya cuts him off, her voice and her eyes as hard as Beskar.

“I tried to stop her.” Dulsissia says, sounding as unhappy as she looks.

“You come along, you do as you're told. Understood?” Dez says. He doesn't have time for this. “If you don't obey orders, I will knock you out and stuff you in the weapons storage.”

Zev'sonya looks even less pleased, but she nods.

“Excellent.” Dez stalks inside the ship. “Let's go.”

The girl keeps quiet for most of the time, she stares out at the stars with a harsh glare in her eyes, but after about two standard days of hunting around for information about those honourless mercs and their location; Zev'sonya finally snaps.

“This is taking too long!” Zev'sonya shouts when Dez and Davarax enter the Razor Crest after another visit to a planet that results in nothing but vague rumours regarding the mercs' lair. “I thought you guys were supposed to be good at this. We have to find them before they kill Mose!”

Pausing next to her in the cargo area, Davarax sighs as he takes off his helmet, about to answer, when Dez walks by them and tells her the truth instead: “They won't kill him. Mose is worth far more to them alive. They are going to keep that big heart of his beating so he can earn them more credits. They are probably planning on draining him for years.” He ignores the stink-eye Beskar Boy sends his way and simply climbs up to the cockpit to start up the ship's engines.

“Listen.” Davarax' voice drifts up from below. “He should have said that a little... differently, but Dez is right about one thing: they won't kill Mose. They won't. He's too valuable.”

“It's my fault...” Zev'sonya whispers.

“It's not your fault. It was a fight you couldn't win.” Davarax offers her. And, knowing him, he probably hugs her. “We will find him and we will get him back. Okay? I promise.”

Dez rolls his eyes. Beskar Boy saving the day again. Dez plots in new coordinates and sets the ship into motion. Let them talk, he'll work on finding the big boy.

It takes another day to finally gets some solid information, but of course Davarax finds the one person in the Galaxy who knows where the two mercs are hiding and gets the truth out of the unfortunate soul. (Dez had almost forgotten how scary Davarax can get when he's truly angry.) And after that, it takes two standard days to get to the space station where their prey is supposed to be hiding.

“You stay here.” Davarax says to Zev'sonya as she stands and watches him and Dez load up on weapons after landing the Razor Crest on the station. Their excuse about needing to land for repairs, offering to pay a lot of credits to be allowed to use their dock, means they won't have long before someone comes snooping around and the fighting begins.

“But I-” The girl starts objecting.

“We had a deal.” Dez tightens the strap on the holster attached to his thigh with one sharp tug before stalking over to grab a rifle from Davarax' collection on the wall. “You do as your told. Or am I knocking you out?” He does not have the time or the patience for this.

“Zev, listen,” Davarax says, eternally patient, “I need you to stay here. Me and Dez will go get Mose, but that means leaving the Crest and someone has to protect her; without her, we won't be going anywhere after we get him back. Understand?”

Clenching her jaw, Zev'sonya nods.

Davarax hands her a blaster. “Good.” He gives her upper arm a light squeeze, offers her a faint smile, before he walks over to grab a rifle of his own and puts his helmet on. “Dez. Let's go.”

“Waiting on you, Saint Bleeding Heart.” Dez declares, standing by the ramp and feeling more than a little impatient to get going. “Just waiting on you.”

They almost make it to the door leading into the station. Almost. But one sharp-eyed idiot sees them and raises the alarm. That's how the fighting begins.

The opponents are all mediocre mercs and honourless pirates who fight dirty like the cowards they are, which makes it extra fun for Dez to charge at them like a furious bantha to shatter bones as well as spill blood as he ends their lives. Meanwhile, Davarax is all business, sharp and efficient, picking his targets off with one well placed shot after another. Together they fight their way through the armed riffraff and the narrow hallways until they stand facing a metal door the mercs had clumped together to protect. If that isn't an obvious sign that this is where they're keeping Mose, nothing is.

“You okay?” Davarax asks as they are the only ones left standing outside the door.

Dez grunts annoyed as he checks his bleeding arm. A nikto had gotten in a lucky shot and the blast had grazed his arm. Why does a graze hurt more than the three shots Sungodt had placed in his chest? “I'm fine. Just a graze.” Dank farrik. He feels like killing the nikto again. Why did he have to land that shot? Why? Davarax doesn't have a scratch on him. If he wasn't wearing his helmet, Dez is willing to bet that his stupidly perfect hair wouldn't have one strand out of place.

“Good. Let's grab Mose and get out of here.” Davarax says, prodding his vambrace to start slicing the code lock to the door and within seconds it slides open.

Davarax steps into the grey and brightly lit room first.

Inside, there are a handful of mercenaries, including the two who Zev'sonya had descibed to perfection as the ones behind the ambush, and behind them all is Mose's big shape. He looks unconscious, eyes closed and head sagging. His body is trapped against the southern wall where it is held up by several broad metal restraints. There are two long, winding tubes going into each arm, plus tubes sticking into his neck on both sides, all of them dark with blood being drawn out of him and transported into some large see-through containers lined up on a table next to him.

“You are going to regret this.” Davarax growls, voice tight with anger.

“This is our Hutt!” One of the mercs declares. He's the only human among the cretins; visibly scared but too greedy to run. He had been one of the two responsible for the ambush.“Besides, why would a Mandalorian care what we do with a Hutt?!”

“Mandalorian culture is all about protecting our children.” Davarax says, aiming his blaster at the idiot who had opened his mouth and is unfazed by how everyone else aim their weapon at him in return. “And that Hutt is one of my kids.”

Amidst the snickers of disbelief, the other merc Zev'sonya had described takes a step forward and places the muzzle of his blaster inches from Davarax' visor. “There's six of us and you're alone. Bad odds, Mando.”

“He's not alone.” Dez counters, entering as well with one blaster in each hand, aiming at the enemy. Usually he is a firm believer in keeping emotions and getting a job done separate, things tend to get messy if you don't, but in this particular case; he'll make an exception. He can see signs of how there had been a struggle in that room and how one of Mose's eyes is swollen shut. “You kidnapped my nephew, you morons. Stupid. Real stupid.”

The tallest of the mercs draws a breath to say something else but never gets to actually speak as Dez fires and the shot bursts through him. At the same time, Davarax turns his head to let the Beskar helmet deflect the shot fired at it while he takes down another merc with his blaster.

This fight is a bit more difficult, simply because the room is so small that it doesn't give them much room to maneuver combined with the risk of accidentally hitting Mose, but one by one the enemies fall and Dez feels a flicker of delight when Davarax ignores the wailing complaints of the merc leader who had aimed his blaster at him and simply ends his life with cold efficiency.

No one hurts their family and gets away with it.

Dez walks by him, smacking a hand at Davarax' pauldron to snap him out of his killing frenzy, and the two make their way over to Mose.

“Hey, Mose, you awake?” Davarax asks, examining the metal restraints to see how to open them.

There is a faint groan from Mose, but he doesn't open his eyes.

Dez kneels down and starts working on the metal restraint pinning down Mose's tail. “He's not going to be able to shuffle, slither, whatever. How are we going to get him back to the ship?”

“I don't know...” Davarax admits, ramming the tip of a vibroblade into the lock to make it short-circuit and open. “Any ideas? He seems pretty out of it.”

Dez grunts, bending the metal away from the bruised tail and moving on to the restraint across Mose's lower belly. “Are there any stim packs in this place?” This room looks like a twisted version of a medical bay. Surely there has to be some medical supplies?

“No idea.” Davarax replies, pulling the tubes out of Mose's arms. “But I'm not sure how, or even if, Hutt biology reacts to stims.”

Exhaling no small amount of frustration, why hadn't they thought of this, Dez looks up at Mose's face and has a crazy idea. “We'll have to carry him.”

“There's no way we'll be able to carry him.” Davarax gently taps the side of Mose's face, trying to make him wake up through sheer force of hope.

Dez starts working on another metal restraint, the one across the middle of the big belly. “We might.” He forces the lock open. “If we disable the safety on our jetpacks.”

Davarax pauses, considers it, probably mulls over how dangerous it could be as those restrictions are there for a reason. If they overheat, they will either shut down or explode, the latter one bound to either kill or severely injure them. Eventually Davarax still gives a decisive nod. “It's worth a try.” He turns his back towards Dez. “Do it.”

Dez finishes opening the restraint on Mose then quickly moves over to open a panel on Davarax' jetpack, plucking out a couple of wires and after a moment of hesitation, he cuts them. Dez turns and waits for Davarax to do the same with his, then they both go back to freeing the Hutt.

When the final restraint is gone, Mose instantly sags forward and they grab an arm each and ease it over their shoulders to hold him somewhat upright between them. Dank farrik, he's heavy.

Davarax looks over at Dez. “You ready?”

Dez takes a breath. “Yeah.” He ignores the warning that flashes on his HUD in regards to damage done to his jetpack and the ache in his back from holding up Mose's weight. “Watch his tail.” If Mose moves it near the blast, that tail will be gone.

They activate their jetpacks, which instantly tries to lift them according to data from earlier flights and keeps increasing in power when they're not moving. Soon they are boosting up beyond what is safe...

Eventually the combined force of their jetpacks pushing hard enough to lift a small starfighter has them a couple of inches over the floor and able to start moving ever so slowly towards where the Razor Crest is waiting for them. (The fact that the intense heat from their jetpacks melts deep groves into the floor that will be a nightmare to fix is oddly pleasing to Dez.) Time to go.

Back in the hangar, they arrive to find three fallen bodies next to the Crest which proves Zev'sonya had taken her role as the ship's guardian quite seriously. Dez is starting to really like this girl.

“Is he okay?” Zev'sonya exclaims as she appears at the top of the ramp and runs towards them.

“Anemic and sedated, I think.” Davarax replies, his voice strained. Both he and Dez are sweating like crazy after what feels like carrying a dewback for ten hours.

They get on board the ship, eases Mose down to rest in the cargo area, and Dez heads up to the cockpit to start the ship's engines, leaving Zev'sonya to look after her friend and Beskar Boy to deal with the two glowing hot jetpacks that might still explode at any moment.

The Razor Crest comes to life and disappears into the darkness of space before the few remaining souls on the space station can muster up any kind of counter-attack.

Even after an entire hour of nothing happening, other than daring to take off his helmet, Dez continues to keep an eye on the radar, just in case. He doesn't look over when Davarax finally joins him in the cockpit and stands next to him. “The kids okay?”

“Mose seems okay, but not quite ready to dance yet. Zev is watching over him like a broody tipyip.” Davarax replies. He then has the audacity to touch the bloodstained fabric on Dez' arm. “I'll help you with this.”

Dez yanks his arm away and finally takes his eyes off the radar to glare up at Beskar Boy. Does he think he can't handle a damn graze? He's no weakling in distress, he's a Vizla! “You think I need your help? You think I can't deal with this myself?”

Davarax takes his helmet off and walks over to place it on the co-pilot seat. “I didn't say that. I just said I would help you with it. That's all.” He opens a panel and takes out a medical kit and has the nerve to walk back to Dez' side. “Let me help you, okay?”

Clenching his jaw, Dez keeps quiet and reluctantly lets Davarax take a hold of his arm and start cleaning the wound with a disinfectant. Things goes from insulting to weird and downright uncomfortable because Davarax takes his time, keeps his touch light and gently dabs the blood away instead of just wiping it clean and burning it shut. It feels... nice. And 'nice' and 'Davarax' do not mix well together up in Dez' head. “Can you hurry up?” He snaps.

“Why?” Beskar Boy asks a little absently, crouching next to him, focused on his work.

“I could have dealt with it a lot faster myself.” Dez declares. “I don't have time for this.”

“Oh?” Davarax finally looks up at him. “Are you in a hurry? Going somewhere? Did the Emperor summon you? No? Then shut up and let me do this.”

Dez blinks, utterly surprised.

“Dulcy taught me something.” Davarax says with a disgusting touch of warmth to his voice. He starts cleaning the wound again. “Just because we can tolerate pain doesn't mean we have to seek it unnecessarily, Dez. There is no honour in that. As Dulcy says; it's just silly.”

Dez clenches his jaw and stares out the transparisteel. “You're an idiot.”

Davarax huffs a soft laugh and begins wrapping his arm with a bacta bandage.

The second the wound is dealt with, Dez yanks his arm away and demonstrably stares at the radar. “Good deed done. Now, get out.”

“Nope.” Davarax declares in a horribly cheerful tone. “This is my ship. You get out. You're in my seat.”

Hot fury flares up and it takes no small amount of will-power for Dez not to punch him. So what if he's right? Beskar Boy doesn't get to order him around! However, Dez is tired, he just wants to get back to Neleem, so fighting with Davarax just isn't worth it right now. Instead, Dez gets up, scowls at Davarax, who happily ignores him, and leaves the cockpit. Might as well get some sleep.

Below, in the cargo area, Dez glances back at the other two souls on the ship as he steps away from the ladder. That, unfortunately, results in making eye-contact with the girl and she of course takes that as a sign to walk over and talk to Dez. Great...

“How is he?” Dez asks, nodding towards Mose. It's the one thing he's interested in hearing about.

“Asleep again. They got him pretty heavily sedated.” Zev'sonya replies. Her voice is hard with hatred for the mercs who had done this. “But he's going to be okay.” She hesitates, looks as uncomfortable as Dez feels, clears her throat and forces the next words out. “Thank you.”

Dez keeps his focus on Mose. “I'm a Mandalorian. I don't let kids get kidnapped and bled.”

“But you didn't have to call him your nephew.” Zev'sonya counters, a tiny tinge of fragility in her voice. “Me and him, we didn't really have much of a family before, so... I know what that meant to him.”

Two things happen at once: Dez can feel his face flush with embarrassment and a thought strikes him: - It's me? Dank farrik, Paz has it from me!

Dez has always huffed at how his son's face will turn red whenever he's embarrassed, putting his emotions on display for everyone to see, but now Dez can feel his own face burning and he desperately wishes he hadn't removed his helmet. He's never thought much about what was going on with his own face in the past as he always wore his helmet around others. Plus; no one dared to say or do anything to make Dez feel embarrassed so it wasn't really something that happened a lot.

“It's, uh, yeah, he's... you're both... yeah...” Dez awkwardly pats her shoulder, then turns and stalks over to the corner furthest away from them to sit down there.

Luckily the girl takes the hint and goes back to Mose.

Dez' arm should be aching and smelling of burned flesh, instead it is only slightly sore and the bacta doing its work tickles a bit. Dez' face is still hot and he knows he acted like an idiot in addition to looking like one. His stomach is a tense ball. His jaw aches from clenching it so hard.

Sitting in the shadows, scowling at nothing, Dez misses the old days when he didn't have to deal with weird situations like this!

Davarax joins them in the cargo hold later on, telling them that he'd informed Dulcy and the others that Mose is safe and that they're heading home.

Home. Dez tastes the word. Home? He's had Coverts in the past, but never a home... Frowning, he curls up tighter and looks away from where Beskar Boy and his two children are talking together.

It's a long journey back. Once the Razor Crest finally touches ground, Dez stands by the door and waits eagerly for it to lower the ramp and let him out of this prison. Freedom is within reach when he realizes someone has moved to stand next to him. Dez tenses up.

“Thank you.” Mose mumbles.

Oh. A bit of the tension bleeds away from his shoulders. Dez keeps his gaze on the door. “No thanks needed. We look after our own, you know that.”

“It's why few people would be stupid enough to kidnap a Mandalorian. A Hutt, though...” Mose sighs. “Thank you.”

Dez slowly turns his head and looks over at Mose. “Hey...” He meets the Hutt's gaze, holds it firm as he repeats his words to leave no room for doubt. “We look after our own.”

Luckily the ramp lowers at this point, giving him a chance to escape and not having to deal with all the emotions he can see whirling in those big Hutt eyes.

Outside of the ship, the kids are waiting with accusatory glares and anxious concern, only Liita seems to be missing, but Dez doesn't stop to talk to them. He'll only mess it up by saying something wrong, so he'll let Beskar Boy say the right things. He gives Paz' shoulder a light squeeze as he walks by him, pleased to see he's there and doing well, ignores his son's questions, quickly shies away from Dulsissia hovering behind his boy and heads instead for Neleem standing in the doorway.

“Hey.” Dez says with a slight smile as he comes to a halt in front of her.

Her dark eyes linger on his bandaged arm for a moment before she studies his face. “Hey. Are you okay?”

“I am now.” Dez replies. “Can we go inside?” The loud talking by the ship is grating on his brain.

Only when they're inside their private room does the tension leave his shoulders entirely and Dez can finally relax. He even manages to give Neleem a real grin. He's missed her. Looking at her now, he recognizes what that feeling in his chest had been. He's missed her like crazy. Dez takes her hand, eases her closer and steals a kiss from her lips. “What about you, Vizla Baby Mama? You been doing okay while I was gone?”

Neleem rolls her eyes, but she fails to hide her flustered smile. “I somehow managed to survive while sitting by the window, wringing my hands and counting the days for your return.” She steals a kiss of her own as he breathes an amused laugh before she pushes Dez away and gives him a haughty look. “But I am going to knock your ego down a notch.”

Even more amused, Dez leans back against the door and gives her his most obnoxious smirk. “Oh?”

Raising a coy eyebrow, Neleem saunters over to the corner table and picks up the medical scanner lying there. She holds it up for him to see. “Ready?” Not really waiting for an answer, Neleem scans herself and turns the scanner to read the results.

And in front of his eyes, Neleem transforms from smug confidence to shocked silence. Her eyes widen with stunned disbelief.

“Told you.” Dez says, concluding that the scan must have shown she's pregnant. Just like he said she would be. Hah. He takes a deep breath. So, it's really happening. There's going to be a child. Dez takes another deep breath, then wonders if there is something wrong with him or the room or the air itself, because neither breath helped and he needs oxygen. Now. He clears his throat and shakes his head a little. He can't get sick as they're having a child together.

“Dez?” Neleem slowly lowers the scanner.

Dez forces himself to smile. His lungs ache. Why isn't he getting enough air? And why is the room getting so karking bright? He gulps down some more air. His fingertips feel cold.

“Dez!” Neleem rushes over, grabs his arm and starts dragging him towards their bed. “Sit down. Come on, sit down.” Dez nods and sits down as he's inexplicably dizzy.

“Keep your head down.” Neleem says, running her hand in circles on his back. “Breathe. That's it.”

Nodding a couple of times more, Dez tries to focus on breathing and eventually his stupid body remembers to do its job and his chest starts to decompress.

“Dez...” Neleem's hand rests on her back and her voice is small and uncertain. “Are you having second thoughts? Are you regretting-” “No.” Dez sits up straight in a hurry and looks right into her eyes. “No, I want this.” He says, and means it. “With you. I do.”

Neleem's eyes glimmer with tears and even a bit of relief. She sags forward and rests her forehead against his shoulder.

Easing his arm around her, Dez tells himself that he'll get things right this time. He will. He has to.

Neleem:

Everything changes after she learns she's pregnant. Neleem was prepared for things to change, knew there would be challenges because life never makes anything easy, and she was willing to work through them if it meant they would come out happier and stronger on the other end. She prepared herself for all kinds of scenarios. Even the worst.

(Dez agrees to keep the pregnancy a secret for the first couple of months, respectful even though he doesn't share her concerns about how her being a togruta and him being human increases the risk of things going wrong. “Neleem, our kid has Vizla blood and that makes them as tough and resilient as Beskar. You'll see.”)

But what Neleem couldn't prepare for was the downright weird, which is exactly how Dez starts to behave.

At first she keeps thinking he is regretting his decision as he becomes distant and will barely touch her, but that also doesn't make sense as she will catch him looking at her, when he thinks she isn't paying attention, and his eyes are warm and happy. He'll curl up on his side of the bed at night, making sure there is distance between them, but if she curls up to him, he'll hold her like he never wants to let go. Trying to talk to him about it only gives her elusive answers which leaves her confused and him visibly anxious. It doesn't make sense.

Maybe it's just Mandalorian culture? Dez had told her from the very start that it wasn't a way of life built on sentimentality or softness in general. Even their weddings were private and efficient rather than a big celebration of love.

“When you were pregnant with Nemi,” Neleem tries to sound nonchalant when she speaks to Dulcy, “what was Davarax like? All stoic Mandalorian attitude?”

“Velcro.” Dulsissia firmly replies before laughing and shaking her head, fully focused on whatever she is writing. “I swear, that man couldn't keep his hands off me. It was a complete opposite to when I was carrying Corin. Dav was so sweet and clingy that I wanted to marry him all over again every single day.”

Neleem swallows hard and stares out the window. Not Mandalorian culture then. Is it her?

She finally gets a piece to the puzzle one morning in their room when Neleem is running a hand over her belly, it's only been a couple of months but she swears she can feel a distinct change, and she catches Dez sneaking a peek over at her while pretending to work on something on his vambrace.

“It might just be my imagination,” Neleem says, “but if what I'm feeling is real, we might end up with another Paz-sized kid around here.”

Dez pauses in his work and his gaze rests on the hand she has on her stomach.

Neleem decides to risk it. “You want to feel?”

That seems to shock him. “I can?”

“Yeah.” Neleem barely has gotten the word out before he's up on his feet and over by her side, his hand sliding next to hers. There is a faint, but giddy smile on his lips. It's sweet. And reassuring.

This experience is not new to him, but it is to her and frankly, at times it is a bit scary.

“Does it feel like with Paz?” Neleem asks with a nervous laugh. He must have been a huge baby.

To her surprise, Dez snorts amused. “Are you kidding me? Skade made it perfectly clear she'd break my wrist and possibly my neck if I touched her after she got pregnant.” He caresses her stomach and gives her a bright and excited grin. “You definitely feel different.”

Neleem holds on to her smile through pure willpower combined with the joy she feels about his obvious delight in the moment, but her mind is chewing on what Dez had said. He rarely, barely at all, talks about his former wife and has made it clear that it is not something he wants to talk about. All this time Neleem figured it was anger over her walking out on their son and his pride being hurt due to a broken marriage that made it an off-limit topic, but now an uneasy feeling is churning inside her chest. What if there is more to it than that?

She needs to learn a bit more about this Skade...

“Hey, Paz, can I talk to you?” Neleem asks, approaching where he is sitting on the fence in the backyard of the house, watching Raga doing target practice with increasing skill and decreasing patience with every shot she deems less than perfect. It's just the two kids there. Perfect.

Paz glances over at Neleem and shrugs with easy trust. “Sure. What's on your mind?”

He really is a sweet boy. Young man is more like it, considering his age, but Dulcy is right; they will always be babies to them. Paz has his father's eyes. Only with far less bitterness in them. Neleem hesitates, suddenly worried it might not be a good idea to go through with it, but an encouraging smile gives her the courage needed. “Listen, I want to ask you something and you are absolutely allowed to tell me to mind my own business, okay?”

Frowning confused, Paz nods.

Another moment of hesitation before Neleem asks. “What was your mother like? You were quite young when she left, I know, I was just wondering what you remember of her. Dez refuses to talk about her, as you know.”

A harshness emerges in Paz' eyes and his mouth draws into a thin line. Neleem is pathetically relieved that it is quite obvious that his anger is not directed at her, but rather his mother. It makes sense. She'd be angry too if her mother just left without a word.

“I don't remember too much...” Paz grumbles. “But I do remember her. I remember her voice. She was always shouting. Arguing. So while I wanted her attention, it was never a good idea to actually get it.” He clears his throat to buy himself some time to bottle up his feelings again. “Sorry. That's not really helpful, is it?”

“Actually, it is.” Neleem replies a little wistfully. It strengthens her suspicions. She reaches out and runs her hand up and down his arm. “I didn't mean to open old wounds. I'm sorry. I just... He refuses to talk about her and I didn't know who else to ask.”

Paz nods, clearly weighed down by old memories. “It's okay. I've tried to get him to talk about her several times, but it's like ramming your head against a wall, isn't it? After she left, it was like saying her name would summon some horrible spirit.” He suddenly sits up a little straighter and looks a bit defiant. “You know, as a kid I thought it was somehow my fault that she left. Now I'm glad she left and I want her to stay gone.” His words take on a softer tone. “After Dulcy entered the Covert and I saw her with Davarax, I saw how two people who love each other should behave. And then, when you came along, I actually saw my father happy. I never saw him happy with my mother.” He blinks as he realizes something. “Hey, you should ask Davarax. He probably remembers a lot more than I do. And useful stuff too.”

“What are you two talking about?” Raga asks as she walks over to them, clearly too curious to keep practicing her accuracy.

“My mother.” Paz replies before Neleem can say anything.

Raga makes a face as she takes up position next to Paz, resting her arms on top of the fence he's sitting on. “Oof. Old Man Vizla won't like that.”

“No, he won't.” Paz drawls, then grins. “But what he doesn't know can't hurt him. Or piss him off.”

That has Raga cackling an approving laugh.

“Do you remember her, Raga?” Neleem asks, now that the secret is out anyway.

Raga shrugs and wrinkles her nose. “Barely. I was only four when she left. I remember she was tall and loud and that she was the only one who could make 'my' mother shut up, which is why I think my mother, and my father, never liked her.”

“Ask Davarax.” Paz repeats, far more gently than Neleem deserves for being so nosy.

But it takes her close to six days before Neleem is given a chance to talk to Davarax in private. She learns he's going to do some fine-tuning on the Razor Crest's computer system, the man showers that ship with as much love and attention as he does his wife and children, Din being in town with Dulcy and Corin means he'll be alone, and that is the perfect opportunity.

Entering the cockpit of the Razor Crest, Neleem sees the broad shouldered shape of Davarax sitting his the pilot seat. She forces herself to walk over to stand next to him and glues on a smile. “Hey.”

In the middle of plotting in commands on the computer, he sends her a quick glance accompanied with a, mildly confused, smile of his own. “Hey. Something wrong?”

“No.” Neleem makes her way over to the co-pilot seat and sinks down to sit down at the very edge of it. “I, uhm, I wanted to ask you something. In private.”

That catches his attention and Davarax pushes two more buttons before he sits up straight and focuses on her completely with an amused look on his face. “Okay, now you got me curious.”

Neleem breathes a nervous laugh, nodding to acknowledge the weirdness of the situation, and she looks down at the floor because eye contact would rob her of her courage. “I wanted to ask you... if you could tell me about Paz' mother? What was she like?”

Davarax hums and he leans back in his seat. “I take it Dez still refuses to talk about her?”

Glancing up at Davarax, Neleem nods. “I was fine with it as long as I thought he was angry with her on his son's behalf and nurturing his own wounded pride, but...”

“But?” Davarax gently prods, now with concern in his eyes.

“But now I think I need to now more about her.” Neleem hopes Dez will forgive her for this if he ever finds out. (He doesn't want to talk about his first wife, but that doesn't mean Neleem can't ask others, right?) “Will you tell me about her?”

Davarax hesitates, stalls for a moment by looking forward through the transparisteel, then he finally glances back at her and lifts a warning finger. “For the record, the things I'm about to tell you, this was the time before me and Dez became best buddies forever and ever. Okay? Back then, me and him weren't... exactly... simpatico. That doesn't mean I feel the same way now. Just, keep that in mind, yeah?”

Neleem nods. “Duly noted.” She knew she had married a complicated man with a complicated past.

Clearing his throat, Davarax looks a little awkward. “So, her name was Skade. She was tall, loud and obnoxious. Just like Dez. I thought they were perfect for each other.”

“They were quite young when they got married, right?” Neleem has done the math based on Paz' age compared to his father's.

“Yeah.” Davarax confirms. “Dez was eighteen.” He frowns and scratches at the stubbled front of his throat as he rummages through the past. “Skade was either twenty two or twenty three. I'm not sure. It was quite the surprise. Nobody expected that marriage to happen as she always had a thing for Pre, who ironically couldn't care less about her. All he cared about was preparing for war.”

Neleem wonders if the nausea she's feeling is the pregnancy or what she's hearing. “He didn't even care that she married his younger brother?”

“He was furious.” Davarax says. “Not so much because Dez married Skade, but that Dez had the audacity to marry at all. He expected him to help him prepare for war, not start a family. However, as we both know, Dez is as stubborn and ornery as a sore-hoofed mudhorn and does whatever he wants.”

“Dez was in love with her.” Neleem whispers. She's seen what he's willing to do for love.

“Probably.” Davarax replies, then makes a face. “Kind of hard to tell. They were fighting from day one. Always shouting and yelling and snarling.”

That she did not expect. Neleem blinks surprised. “From the very beginning?”

“Yup.” Davarax confirms and then shakes his head with resigned bafflement. “I just figured it was their thing. I mean, it sounded exhausting and mean to me, but whatever rocked their boat, right?”

It doesn't make sense to Neleem. Arguments always leave Dez distressed. No, he's at his most content when they are basically cuddling. “They spent five years together, fighting non-stop?”

“Yeah.” Davarax huffs. “They were fighting about Pre's war preparations, about how Dez was reluctant to take over as the clan leader and replace Pre, about how to raise their son, about Dez' choice of armor, about how they didn't have the largest of the Vizla living quarters, about Dez losing a fight to Furyan, about my sister choosing to send me out on most missions, about Dez being lazy, about Dez not...” His voice trails off and Davarax suddenly frowns as he seems to lose himself in his memories. His eyes flicker as if he's watching a holo-movie rushing by him. Then there is a flare of hot anger in Davarax' eyes before he squeezes them shut and thumps his head back, hard, against the headrest of the pilot seat.

Startled, Neleem flinches a bit. “Davarax?”

“He didn't fight back.” Davarax grits out, voice tight with the anger she'd seen, and he seems to need a moment to get control of it before he can open his eyes again and look at her. “I just realized; he never fought back. It was always her. She was always yelling and complaining and he'd barely open his mouth.” A bitter smile. “And I didn't realize until this very moment because I was too busy being selfish and jealous. Dez was a jerk and yet he was living my dream, a partner and children, while I was hunting down felons with no hope of anything else in my future.” He thumps his head again, clearly frustrated, before he takes a deep breath and lets it out in a controlled exhale. “I can't believe I didn't realize. The guy was drowning in front of my eyes for years and I didn't see it. No wonder he's been so angry with me.”

Despite how his words had made the unease she'd felt about Dez' past triple, Neleem can't help but to reach out and take a light hold of Davarax' hand. “Listen, you were both kids back then. And you had your own problems. Don't be too hard on yourself, okay?”

Davarax grunts, torn between the urge to blame himself and doing as he's told. “Next time he tries to punch me, I'm going to let him.”

Neleem has to smile, despite everything, and she squeezes his hand. “I don't think that'll achieve much, do you?”

Shrugging with a morose look on his face, Davarax sinks under the weight of guilt. “Tell that to the guy who needed a friend and got called obnoxious instead.”

While Dez has his personal stuff to work on, Neleem also feels bad for Davarax too with his intense need to save everyone and his inability to say 'no' to 99% of requests sent his way. It's an exhausting way to live. People pleasers of his level usually burn out hard. Maybe meeting Dulcy and having her former husband cause Davarax to lose his helmet had actually saved his life? “We can't do anything about the past. All we can do is try to help him now. Which you are, by being his friend despite his temper and paranoia.” She gets up and moves her hand to rest on Davarax' shoulder for a moment. “Thank you for telling me about Skade. It explains some things I was wondering about.”

It's endlessly easier to do battle when you know your enemy, even if it is a ghost from the past.

Dulsissia:

Dulsissia is chattering away about the day, about the kids and the trouble the other Saxons, Vizlas and whatnots had gotten into, when she notices that Davarax is unusually quiet this evening. While she's been talking and getting ready for sleep, he's been sitting on the bed and only occasionally nodding to her words. Turning to properly face him, Dulsissia studies his face and sees something is clearly weighing heavily on his mind. “Hey.” She says.

Blinking, snapping out of his half-daze, Davarax focuses on her. “Sorry, what?” He'd clearly not been listening at all. “I didn't... I'm sorry.”

Dulsissia walks over and sits down next to him, reaching out her hand to gently cup the side of his face. “What's wrong, sweetie?”

Sighing, Davarax covers her hand with his and leans into her touch. “Neleem asked me about Paz' mother today.”

“The one we don't talk about.” Dulsissia mumbles.

“The very one.” Davarax confirms. “But I figured she had the right to know about her, considering she's with Dez, and we both know Dez won't tell her so...”

“So you helped our friend.” Dulsissia concludes, running her thumb over his scruff. “That's a good thing, my big, beautiful, kind and adorable man. Okay?” She expects to see the usual awkward smile on his face after her words, but instead he seems to fold in on himself a bit and that worries her.

“It made me realize what a selfish and stupid brat I was.” Davarax mutters.

Confused, Dulsissia frowns. “What are you talking about?”

“I was so jealous when Dez got married and was to be a father. I hated his guts.” Shame is soaking every word that leaves Davarax' lips. “And it really annoyed me that they were fighting all the time instead of being grateful for what they had and what others... really wanted. I was so busy being petty that I completely failed to notice the obvious.”

“Which was?”

There is a moment of hesitation before Davarax makes a frustrated sound, lets go of her hand and leans away to create some distance between them. “He never fought back. She was always picking away at him, always unhappy with something about him or something he did, constantly trying to push him into a fight with Pre, and I failed to notice how Dez would usually keep quiet or just walk away.” He dares a glance back at Dulsissia. “That woman tore him to shreds, daily, and yet I've never heard him say one bad thing about her other than how she walked out on their son.”

Dulsissia needs a second to digest this information, stunned by what she's heard as she struggles to imagine the Dez she knows putting up with any of that, but then realizes that Macero would never have been able to trick the woman she is today either. Back then Dez had been young and in love, just like her. And, unfortunately, it also sounds as if he'd fallen for the wrong person too. “Sweetie...” Dulsissia eases Davarax close again and wraps her arms around him. “You were just a kid too. You can't blame yourself. And no matter how much you'd like it, you can't save everyone.”

Davarax sighs, a resigned sound. “You sound like Neleem. She said something similar.”

Humming a laugh, Dulsissia places a brief kiss by his temple. “That's because we are both brilliantly wise women who know what we're talking about.”

That finally gets a smile from Davarax, but it's a brief thing before more guilt emerges in his eyes. “It used to piss me off how he's always swinging his fists at me, thinking it was because I 'stole' Paz, because I wouldn't hesitate to that again. But now? Now I keep thinking I deserve the punches for not helping him back then.”

“No.” Dulsissia says, gently but leaving no room for argument. “It's sweet of you, as usual, but no. Him punching you won't fix anything and you certainly do not deserve it. Understand?”

Davarax nods, but it is halfhearted and clearly unconvinced.

Dulsissia grabs a hold of his chin and forces him to meet her eyes. “He does not get to punch you. And I 'will' tie you to a chair and have the kids tell you, in agonizing detail, how wonderful you are and how much you mean to them if you keep talking like this.”

This time the smile on Davarax' face lingers and some of the weight eases off his shoulders.

The very next day, Dulsissia is reminded of what Davarax had told her the previous evening when she spots Dez Vizla sitting by himself, half-hidden behind the house. It is quite rare to find him alone Usually he is with Neleem, his son or surrounded by some of his devoted followers, even occasionally alongside Davarax when Dez can't get away fast enough. It's like fate has arranged it, and who is Dulsissia to argue with fate?

Taking a deep breath, she walks over to where the man is focused on sharpening a vibro blade. “Hello, Dez.”

His gaze flicks up and Dez eyes her with his usual disdain. It's a bit hilarious how he always looks her with cautious wariness like she is some venomous snake that might strike at any moment, especially considering how he could probably snap her in half with just his hands. “Dulcy.” Dez greets her in a drawl. Even his voice is laced with suspicion. If she sneezed right now, he'd probably have a heart attack.

She always assumed he didn't like her because she'd entered the Covert as an Outsider, helped Paz run away, and had the audacity to speak to the glorious Dez Vizla like he was a mere human instead of some kind of deity. However, after what Dav had told her, Dulsissia wonders if he simply stopped trusting people? Maybe, as the cliché goes, it wasn't her, it was him?

“Look at you hiding away.” Dulsissia comments with a warm smile, which only seems to unsettle him even more, and she pushes her luck a little by sitting down next to him. She ignores his deepening scowl with ease. “Are you doing okay?”

“Why wouldn't I be?” Dez replies defensively.

Dulsissia scoots a little closer to him. “No reason. I just like to check up on my friends and I do consider you my friend.”

Dez rolls his eyes. “Don't you start too. Davarax is annoying enough with that shit.” He means to get up and probably flee, but Dulsissia takes a hold of his hand and that freezes him in place.

“He means it.” Dulsissia insists with gentle but firm words, and she also ignores how Dez' scowl is now aimed at their hands. “And so do I. You can talk to me, you know?”

That makes him lift his gaze to her face again, but now to stare at her like she's lost her mind and he's worried it might be contagious.

Dulsissia gives his hand a light, encouraging squeeze. “I know; what would you and I talk about, yes?” She almost smiles at the faint rise of his left eyebrow as he drily agrees with her question. “We have a lot in common, you and I.” Dulsissia insists.

The eyebrow draws down into the usual scowl to show his disagreement.

Dulsissia holds his gaze. “I didn't think so either at first, because you are very good at keeping people at a distance and hiding your true self. I lived in the Covert for years, years mind you, and I had no idea who you really were.”

That gets her another eye roll. For a grown man, Dez loves to act like a sullen teenager.

“Paz.” She says, and that gets Dez' attention again at least. “We both love that boy. We'd both lay our lives down for him.” A reluctant nod of agreement or approval, or both, but Dez' eyes remain as cautious and distant as before. Time for the headshot. “And we both married the wrong person when we were young.”

Dez blinks with obvious surprise, clearly not expecting those words, before he manages to regain his neutral face. “What are you talking about?”

“I was seventeen when Macero started courting me and making me fall in love with him. I'm guessing you were pretty young too when you-”

“I didn't marry a karking Imp.” Dez snaps and his entire body radiates tension.

Dulsissia squeezes his hand again, meaning it to be calming, and sighs when he responds by simply yanking himself free with one, sharp move. She hopes her words can reach him instead. “I don't think being an Imp made Macero cruel, it was in his nature by then. A bad person doesn't have to be an Imp to be bad. Paz' mother, she-”

“You don't know anything about her.” Dez cuts her off once again, now visibly angry.

“Dav told me how she treated you and that you-”

“Davarax needs to mind his own business!” Dez shoots in with even more fury. He shifts his weight uneasily, clearly wanting to flee. “She treated me just fine.”

It's the tiniest signals she reads in his body language that tells Dulsissia that Dez is lying. “She didn't, did she? Is that why you insisted on being alone all this time? Because she made you think you were the problem?” Macero certainly made Dulsissia question herself and after she'd fled with Corin, she swore to never marry and become someone else's pawn again. It's why she turned down Davarax' first proposal. “Bad people often make others think they are to blame.”

“She didn't do anything to me. She didn't make me think anything. This is ridiculous.” Dez insists and his entire posture changes. His flight instinct is replaced with fight, just like a cornered animal desperate to fend off its attacker. “And stop looking at me like that!”

“Like what?”

“Like I'm some karking... victim.” Dez spits out the last word with raw contempt. “I'm a Vizla, I'm not some helpless weakling. You can sit on your pathetic offer of pity and twirl on it, and while you're doing that: mind your own damn business!”

Dulsissia knows she's swimming in dangerous waters, his rage is not to be taken lightly when he gets defensive like this, but she can't turn back now. It is adorable that Neleem and Dez thinks she doesn't know that Neleem is pregnant, despite her ravenous appetite, constantly touching her stomach and him being even more protective that usual, but it is the reason why Dulsissia feels a strong urge to help sort out this issue before that child arrives. “It became my business when you married my friend.”

Dez instantly deflates and that proves once again why Dulsissia continues to have faith in him; Neleem means more to him than his pride and ego. For her, he'll be willing to listen. “She...” The anger is now gone from his voice and leaves it soft and uncharacteristically uncertain. His dark eyes flicker like he can't get himself to actually look at Dulsissia. “She said something? About me?”

Dulsissia wishes Dez would let her hug him because she can see the quiet dread in his gaze. He's been trying, everyone knows that, and now he fears it's not been good enough. Just like Paz' mother had drilled into his head. Just like Corin's father had tried to manipulate Dulsissia. It's so painfully obvious. For all his arrogance, all his big talk, Dez Vizla hides no small amount of fear behind his posturing. He might be the best actor Dulsissia has ever seen. “Only that she loves you.”

For a second, Dez closes his eyes in relief before he straightens and tries to scowl at Dulsissia again.

“Listen to me, Dez.” She says before he can start spouting his Vizla silliness again. “The fact that a bad person abused our trust doesn't mean we're weak. It just means they were a bad person.” She sees a flare of anger rising in his eyes again and hurries to continue. “Just remember that Neleem is not her. You don't have to prove anything to Neleem.”

“I know that...” Dez mumbles, but he's not very convincing.

“Good.” Dulsissia offers him a friendly smile. “Learn from the past, but don't let it haunt you.”

“Did your Imp haunt you?” Dez asks and seems as surprised as her at his question.

Dulsissia shrugs. “Yes. And even now there are days when I can hear his whispers. He spent years convincing me I was nothing but a golden broodmare that would be his ticket into high society. I'm more than that, I know that now, but every time I fail at something I can hear his voice.”

Now Dez' full attention rests on her. “Do you hate him?”

This isn't just about Macero, Dulsissia suspects Dez is gauging what he's 'allowed' to feel about Skade. “Some days I do. When I hear his toxic whispers.” The Macero she fell in love with was so very different from the one she married. “Always, when I think about what he would have done to Corin if we hadn't left.” She shrugs again. “And other days, when I realize how lucky I am to have Corin, a part of me is actually grateful to Macero. I love my son. I wouldn't want a life without my boy.”

Dez lets out a shaky breath and looks away.

“Hey...” Dulsissia dares to reach out and take a hold of his hand again, making Dez look back at her. “Ease up on the silent, tough guy act and let your friends know you and help you, okay? It's difficult to trust again after what we've been through, but it's worth it. You can trust me on that.” She winks at him.

Dez almost smiles a little before he catches himself and gives her a gruff nod instead.

Dez:

The blonde witch might be interfering in things that are not her business, her words still won't stop tumbling around inside Dez' head. He might have been able to block out her nonsense if not for the fact that it touches by the unease that has been curled up inside him ever since the pregnancy. What if he doesn't have to feel like this until everything goes wrong again? It's worth a try.

It's easy to find Neleem. She's out with the kids, his clan had brought all of their little troublemakers when they decided to follow him out of the darkness, and she's trying to organize some kind of a school for them. He waits for her to finish and his heart clenches when she notices him and her face lights up with a happy smile. It takes a lot not to smile back at her, he can't do that in front of the other Mandalorians, but he takes her hand when she walks over to him and asks with a silent tug if she'll walk with him for a bit.

Neleem does. She sends him a couple of quizzical glances, must sense that something on his mind, but waits for him to talk and doesn't push. She knows him so well.

Finally they end up standing next to the fence surrounding the sparring area, no one is using it and it gives them a bit of privacy, and Dez takes a deep breath. “I, uh, I need to ask you something. No, that's not... I need you to...”

“I'm listening.” Neleem replies.

Dez hates that he can't seem to find the words. It's so frustrating. “I... I need you to promise me that you'll tell me if I annoy you. Give me a chance to fix it, fix me, before you start hating me?” That sounds so pathetic. She should hate him for sounding so weak.

“Oh, Dez...” Neleem takes his face between her hands, such gentle hands, and makes him look into her eyes. “I promise you that I'll tell you if something is bothering me and I hope you'll do the same, but it's completely natural to get annoyed with each other in a relationship. Everyone gets irritated with their partner.”

Dez frowns. “Not everyone.”

“Yes everyone.” Neleem insists, then takes his hand again. “And I'll prove it to you!” She drags him along and Dez is too surprised to resist. He is further silenced by Neleem finding her first victims as they turn the corner of the house. “Paz. Raga.” The youngsters turn and look at them, halting despite being on the way yo somewhere, clearly curious. “Question: Paz, what's the most irritating thing about Raga?”

Dez expects his son to say 'nothing' and look at his girl friend with devotion. Instead, Paz sends Raga a narrow-eyed glance. “She steals my snacks and never replaces them.”

Neleem nods, as if getting the answer to an advanced science riddle. “And, Raga, what's most annoying about Paz?”

Raga huffs and returns the narrow-eyed glance. “That he's useless before 11 AM.”

“Thank you.” Neleem says, then stalks off again and tugs Dez along. He means to apologize to the kids, dreading they just stirred a hornet's nest between them, but the words never get to leave his lips as Raga and Paz both snicker and pull each other close while trading insults about aforementioned grievances between kisses. Huh.

“Din! Corin!” Neleem shouts, snapping Dez out of his puzzlement and drawing his attention to the other two victims she has honed in on: Din and Corin pause and look at them a small distance away. She drags Dez over to them. “I have a question for you.”

“Shoot.” Din replies.

“What's most annoying about Corin?” Neleem fires off without mercy.

Din blinks, a little surprised, then he looks over at Corin, a little cautiously, but sees the smug expression on his face and drawls: “Whenever the weather turns hot, he turns into Darth Vader.”

Corin huffs, clearly offended, then turns his attention to Neleem and Dez. “And the most annoying thing about Din is how, despite it being warm enough for the walls to melt, he still insists on cuddling all damn night.”

“Thank you, boys.” Neleem says, turning to face Dez. “See?”

“I see that you just started a fight.” Dez points out.

Neleem glances back at Din and Corin, who are now exchanging stuff they love about each other, and she turns to give Dez a meaningful eyebrow raise.

Dez sighs. “Fine. Okay. But... they're kids. They're allowed to have flaws. They'll outgrow them.”

“They're not toddlers, Dez. And everyone has flaws.” Neleem states with a faint laugh of disbelief.

“Not everyone.” Dez mutters. “Beskar B- I mean, Davarax is Sir Perfect. Him and her, they are disgustingly perfect together.”

Neleem is the one to sigh now and she tugs Dez along again. “Come on. I'll prove to you he's got his flaws as well.”

His hopes of them not finding the duo is shattered when they enter the house and find Dulcy and Davarax in the kitchen. Of course.

“Dulcy, I need to ask you something.” Neleem says while Dez considers throwing himself out the window.

“Ask away.” Dulcyreplies cheerfully and gives this bright, open smile like life has never hurt her.

“What is the most annoying thing about Davarax?”

Davarax, leaning back against the kitchen counter next to Dulcy, is absently chewing on something and he looks over at his wife with mild curiosity on his face. There is none of the raw dread Dez would have felt if someone had asked Neleem to point out his flaws in public.

Dulcy purses her lips thoughtfully. “Hmm, let me think...” She taps a finger to her lips a couple of times before holding it up to make her point. “The thing about Davarax that really pisses me off is him in the mornings.”

That, Dez did not expect. He knows Davarax is not grumpy in the mornings like Paz, so why...?

“When I wake up in the mornings,” Dulcy says, “my hair looks like mess, my eyes are all puffy, I have pillow-wrinkles on my face, but he...” Here she points an accusatory finger at Davarax. “This man here. His hair is this charming chaos, his face is all soft and sweet, his smile is gorgeous and his body is all relaxed and warm, and he looks like he's been at a fashion shoot for underwear models and... it's not fair! No one should look that good in the morning!”

Davarax' smile widens with endless adoration. “Dulcy...”

“It's true and you know it.” Dulcy 'scolds' him with a grin of her own.

“You look beautiful in the mornings.” Davarax says, turning to properly face his wife.

“Not like you.” Dulcy counters, reaching out and placing her hands on his chest.

Neleem's eyes narrows as Davarax leans down to give Dulcy a kiss that is happily welcomed. “Okay, Dez, I'm starting to understand why you get so irritated by them.”

Davarax and Dulcy kiss again, soft and chaste, smiling and staring into each other's eyes.

“Right?” Dez says, eager to finally have someone see what he sees.

But when Davarax wraps an arm around Dulcy, pulling her close, and the kisses start to linger, Neleem shakes her head. She ushers Dez out of the room and out of the house along with her. “That's enough of that.”

“Told you.” Dez has to rub it in with a sing-song tone.

Laughing, Neleem loops her arm with his and shakes her head as they walk. “Shut up. Davarax has his flaws. He's a good man, among the best, but he is not flawless.”

Dez makes a doubt-filled hum. “I grew up with him. I've seen how everyone worships him. He was the one in the Covert who every soul wanted as their spouse.” He steals a glance over at Neleem. “Tell me the truth; you probably dreamed about someone like him too when you pictured your marriage.”

Neleem lets out a low, soft laugh as she turns to stand in front of him, forcing Dez to stop, and looks up at him with smug satisfaction in her eyes. “He's sweet, sure, but lucky for you...” She takes a hold of his shirtcollar and tugs him down a bit. “I prefer spice.”

That surprises a huff of a smile from Dez, lets him have a moment of intense happiness, of how right it feels to be with Neleem and the fact that their child grows inside her, before cold curls around his heart like barbed wire and his stomach starts to burn. He reaches up and cautiously takes her hands between his. “I know what I am, and most of the time it's not pretty to be around. I got no idea what they told you about my past, but I suspect they made me sound far better than I was. And while I know you won't let me make the same mistakes that I did with Paz, I also don't want to make the same mistakes that I did with... her.” He swallows hard, remembering the look in Skade's eyes when she glared at him during those latter years. “I made her resent me. Everything I did annoyed her. Me being me made her hate the very sight of me. And eventually I just stopped listening to anything she said. I'm trying to change, be better, you know that, but you have to tell me if I'm too... me, and give me a chance to fix it before it's too late. Before you want to leave.” Dez leans down and gently rests his forehead to hers in a soft kov'nyn. “I don't want to lose you.” He even dares to reach down and place light fingertips to her stomach.

“I've told you before; I won't leave. I love you.” Neleem insists softly, placing her hand over his and pressing it slightly tighter to her stomach. “You're a good man and she should never have made you doubt that.”

“I'm not-”

“You are a good man.” Neleem cuts him off, leaving no room for a debate. “I wouldn't have married you if you weren't. I wouldn't be carrying your child if I wasn't sure. Don't let her poisonous words come between us. You can trust me, you know.”

Nodding, Dez can actually feel the cold starting to ease away from his heart and the burning sensation in his gut quietens down. He does trust her. She won't disappear like Skade did. It's not in Neleem's nature. “I know. And I do.”

“Good.” Neleem smiles, then leans up to kiss him. “Then stop acting like a weirdo.”

Dez blinks. “What?”

“You've been acting like touching me would cause boils to erupt all over your body.”

Startled, Dez flinches and almost withdraws his hand but she tightens her grip and won't let him. “I just...” He stutters. “Do...” Curiosity wins over unease. “You want me close? While you're pregnant?”

“Yes, I do!” Neleem laughs, as if it would be obvious. She releases his hand to take his face between her hands instead, locking his gaze with hers. “We took the vows, remember? We're one. This is our child and we're doing this together.”

That surprises another huff of a laugh out of Dez as, for the very first time in his life, the vows suddenly make sense to him. He'd spoken them before but they had turned out to be nothing but pompous sounding and empty words, which in turn was both confusing and depressing. Marriage had not felt much like becoming one, not to him, it had been more like binding yourself to a duel with the same opponent for the rest of your life. He'd thought himself weak for growing tired of the constant fighting because pressure creates gems, right? But this? Dez realizes that 'this' is what those words were supposed to mean. Just like that, things click into place and make sense.

It's really late when Dez finally makes it back to their room after hours of mediating and threatening his fellow Mandalorians into getting along for another day, without a common enemy to unite them they keep bickering with each other, and he's pleased to find Neleem in bed and apparently asleep. Good. She needs her rest. He was worried he'd be forced to beat the everliving daylights out of his kin if they caused her to lose sleep because he was away all the time to deal with them.

Dez removes his armor, gets ready for the night, then walks over to the bed and hesitates. He studies Neleem's peaceful shape for a moment. He remembers a sharp order from the past, but that fades compared to the present. Neleem said she wanted his touch and he's dying to hold her again despite knowing it is weak of him. Dez takes a deep breath, then gets into bed and cautiously moves over to curl up close to Neleem. He slides an arm around her... Swallowing hard, staring into the darkness, Dez waits for what happens next; acceptance or that sharp order from the past.

Neleem lets out a sleepy hum at his proximity, runs her hand up the arm he has around her and braids their fingers. She wiggles closer to his body before settling again with a smile on her face.

Dez closes his eyes, hides his relief against her neck, and the tension finally leaves his body.

Days and weeks pass by and when Neleem finally breaks and can't keep the pregnancy a secret any longer, Dez feels as proud and smug as a tipyip rooster when the congratulations start flowing. (Beskar Boy even gets to hug him without a fight.) Paz is the one who is almost as excited about this as Dez himself, Raga is happy on their behalf, while Corin whines that he wants a kid too and causes Din's face to stay flushed for almost an entire hour. Mose stares with stunned surprise when Dez declares he expects him to babysit, Liita is more interested in some upgrades she's working on the jetpacks, and Zev'sonya flees the second Leo states that he adores babies...

As for his fellow Mandalorian, well...

Furyan insists on having a celebratory party, where he shouts out crude but well-meaning praise to the revival of certain parts of Dez' anatomy that Dez would have preferred that the man wasn't so invested in. However, it has Neleem laughing so Dez accepts the words with a slight smile and a raise of his glass.

“Furyan!” Sobek calls from across the room.

“Yah?” The man replies in a half-gurgle, his chugging of pure spirits interrupted by his wife.

“Get your ass to our room and remove your clothes.” Sobek orders. “I've changed my mind. Four kids is not enough.”

That has Furyan eagerly heading for the door with a slightly demented cackle, his three sons groaning with embarrassment and horror, while the rest of the clan are laughing loud enough to wake the dead. Dez is relieved to see that Neleem is also still laughing, he knows his people are loud and a bit too honest at times, occasionally exhausting, but they are also extremely loyal and fun to be around, and it is a relief to see that she gets it. She gets them.

A thought hits Dez and he looks around with a slight frown until he spots her; Raga. She's huddled up in a corner with Paz, ignoring what had just happened with ease and obvious experience, but Dez had just realized that she has not spent more than a few minutes with her family since they had arrived. The frown deepens and he takes an absent gulp from his drink.

This is why the very next day he dares to sit down next to Sobek eating her breakfast amidst the chaos of her sons and husband arguing loud enough to make ears bleed. “Hey.”

Sobek glances over at him and her dark eyes narrow suspiciously. “Whatever whomever messed up, I'm not paying for it.”

Dez shakes his head. “That's not why I'm here.”

“Why are you here?” Sobek half-shouts to be heard through the mayhem behind them.

Leaning closer, not wanting to shout, Dez misses the helmets and the internal comm lines. “It's about Raga.”

“What about her?”

Dez hesitates, suddenly knowing how Beskar Boy feels when he's about to say something that will most likely have Dez punch him. What sucks is that Sobek's punches are a LOT more painful than his. “I, uh... I noticed that you spend a lot of time with Furyan and the boys, but I don't see you hanging out with Raga much.”

Sobek shoves some food into her mouth and frowns confused. “So?”

“So...” Dez clears his throat. “So, maybe you... should? She's your daughter.”

Gesturing to where one son is on the floor, clutching his nose, and where the other two are trying to bring their father down, Sobek raises her eyebrows. “You see this? My husband and my sons? They're idiots. They need me. I have to look after them, keep them alive and out of trouble.” She lowers her hand and starts eating again. “Raga doesn't need me. She's tough, just like her mama.”

Nodding, Dez won't argue with that fact, and yet... “I know. I know that, but...”

“But?” Now Sobek sounds and looks annoyed.

“But does she know that?” Dez forces himself to speak the words despite the intense urge to flee. “Does she know that you're proud of her?”

Sobek definitely looks annoyed now. “Of course she knows.”

Clearing his throat, Dez shrugs one shoulder. “Have you told her?”

“What?”

Unsettled by the glare that follows, Dez looks down. “I assumed Paz knew I was proud of him, what father wouldn't be, but hearing nothing but the corrections I gave him made him think he wasn't good enough.”

“You're starting to sound like Davarax.” Sobek drawls, part amused and part nasty.

Exhaling a laugh, Dez nods again. “I know.” He is not thrilled by this fact, but even Beskar Boy has to be right about a couple of things. Dez peeks up at Sobek's face again. “But wouldn't you have liked to have heard it from your parents...?”

Sobek chews thoughtfully.

Raga:

Raga is in the middle of the weekly tormenting of Barthor when the last voice she expects to hear speaks up.

“Raga.”

Surprised, Raga sits up, keeping her knee into Barthor's lower back to pin him in place, to look and make sure, but, yeah, that is indeed her mother standing in the middle of the training arena.

Sobek's armor is gloriously marred by battle and with her arms crossed over her chest there is no mistaking the muscles bulging under the jacket. She is not wearing her helmet, has her dark hair pulled back into a ponytail and there is the usual stern expression on her face. (She's the only one who always looks as grumpy as old man Vizla.) “I want to talk to you, ad.”

Sighing, Raga shoves her knee a little harsher into Barthor at the sound of his smug laugh before she reluctantly gets up to face her mother. “I'm listening.”

Sobek nods for Raga to follow her and the two walk over to one of the benches behind the training shed. Once they are seated, Raga waits for her mother to speak so she can get back to pummeling the little cretin who had glued her boots to the floor.

“You did wise in choosing Paz Vizla.” Sobek finally states.

“I know.” Raga replies. “Did you drag me over here just to tell me what I already know?”

Sobek almost smirks. “I'm starting to think I might have, yeah.” She turns to face Raga completely. “Your father and brothers are helpless without me. You're my daughter, you're strong, so I know I don't have to watch over you like I do them. Understand?”

Raga frowns. “Why are you telling me this?”

The almost-smirk turns into a resigned laugh and Sobek shakes her head. “I don't know.” She leans back against the wall behind them and sighs up at the sky. “Because Dez told me to? He told me this tale about how his son didn't know he was proud of him because he never told him, that man has been hanging around with Davarax too much, so he wanted me to tell you what you already know; that I'm damn proud of you, in case you were as thick-headed as his boy.”

Raga tightens her lips into a line as they start to tremble and she has to swallow hard to battle the lump in her throat.

“Well,” Sobek says, getting up, “apologies for wasting your time, ad. I better get back to the others before they accidentally kill each other. See you around.”

“See you around.” Raga whispers, watching her mother march away. She needs a couple of seconds to digest the words and the story behind them. While her parents have never nitpicked at her like old man Vizla did to Paz, she almost wished they would some times as that would have meant they noticed her at least. She's been a ghost in the Saxon quarters for as long as she can remember. So to hear her mother say, out loud, in actual words, that she's proud of her? Not only did she take the time and effort to seek out Raga to talk to her, but say she's damn proud of her?

Raga gets up on her feet, wipes away tears she refuses to acknowledge before stalking towards the shooting range.

Davarax is showing Din some tricks to improve his aim while Corin, Paz and Liita are doing push-ups in front of the scowling Dez Vizla, who hovers over them like a bad omen.

Raga walks over to old man Vizla, takes a hold of the top of his breastplate, ignoring his puzzled look, pulls him down, leans up to place a light kiss on his stubbled cheek, before letting go of his armor and walking away again so he won't see the smile on her face.

Behind her, Raga hears Paz scrambling to his feet and asking his father; “What was that about?”

“I have no idea.” Old man Vizla replies, sounding endlessly confused.

“First Drop and now Raga...” Davarax' voice drawls with glee. “It seems like your father is just very kissable, Paz.”

“I will punch you in the face, Davarax.” Dez growls. “And get back down, Paz. You three have ten more to go.”

Raga fights back a laugh. For some reason, she feels lighter than she has in years.

Dez:

“Hey you.” Neleem chirps, walking over to greet Dez as he returns from a supply run with Din and Corin.

“Hey.” Dez replies, throwing the bags of vegetables he was carrying into the arms of the already overloaded Din and Corin and he ignores their startled objections. He reaches out to gently trap Neleem's face between his hands instead and steals a kiss.

Neleem hums with pleased satisfaction.

Pulling back a little, Dez looks down at her now prominent belly. “And how is this one doing?”

“Restless. All day.” Neleem admits with a resigned smile. “Practicing to become a top class Mandalorian fighter, would be my guess.”

Dez can't stop himself from smiling any more than he could will his heart to stop. His hand moves, but he pauses before he can actually touch her stomach. “Can I...?” It's still unreal that she allows him to place his hands on her while she's uncomfortable and he doesn't want to mess up and lose that privilege.

“Absolutely.” Neleem takes his hand and places it on her stomach. “Maybe you can persuade them to calm down?”

Dez' grin widens and he's mesmerized by the touch. “I told you; Vizlas are tough.”

Din and Corin walk by them, struggling to carry the bags stacked up in their arms.

Neleem caresses Dez' hand and smiles a little herself. “I can't wait to meet them. Do you want another son or another daughter?”

“Son or daughter, that doesn't matter to me.” Dez replies without hesitation and complete honesty. “I'm just eager to meet them too. It's going to be a long couple of months.” He hesitates before adding; “I always wanted a big family.”

Neleem beams up at him. She's been trying to lure him into talking more about his past so she is very happy the few times he does. “Well, we're getting there. Paz, Raga, Liita, this one, and who knows what the future will bring.”

“I like the sound of that.” Dez murmurs, a little embarrassed over his confession but knows she won't make fun of him for it. She's not Skade. He's aware of that, of course he is, but there are times when his instinct tells him to be careful with his words before his brain is able to remind him that Neleem is indeed very different from Skade.

“I heard Dulcy telling Dav that she is becoming broody at the sight of me.” Neleem informs him with glee.

Dez huffs. “First Sobek and now the blonde witch? Stars above, there's going to be a bunch of little rugrats running around here if they go through with this. We might have an army big enough to challenge Kryze herself, claim the Dark Saber and repopulate Mandalore at this rate.”

Neleem laughs. “The Tribe is growing. This is the Way.”

Outright grinning, still dizzy with delight whenever Neleem quotes anything Mandalorian, Dez lifts her hand to his lips and kisses it. “Remember what I told you when you were trying to drag me to your room to have your way with me that first time?”

Neleem's face flushes a little but she stands her ground. “I remember.” He'd made it clear that anything happening between them would be nothing more than a fling as he would be leaving. And, yet, here they are, married and her shirt straining over her stomach.

“I'm glad things turned out differently.” Dez admits, then blinks and quickly adds; “I mean, I'm not glad the Imps ruined your planet and bombed your school and ruined everything, but-”

“I'm glad things turned out differently too.” Neleem reassures him with a smile. “I told myself not to fall in love, but then you stayed longer and I got to know you more and... my plan went flying out the window.”

Dez lowers their hands to rest on her stomach again. “I'm glad things didn't go according to plan.”

“Me too.” Neleem confesses, feeling his gentle caress calming the restless child. Maybe the Vizlas have a secret power, in addition to predicting pregnancies, to calm babies? “And I have a pretty good feeling about our future as well.”

The weirdest thing is that Dez feels the same. Is he still terrified by the idea of messing up again? Absolutely. In regards to both raising the child and Neleem's opinion of him. However, Dez also feels confident enough in himself and his trust in Neleem that he's willing to face that fear. He can do this. No. They can do this. They are one.

#the mandalorian his son and the storm trooper #What If AU #Dez Vizla #Neleem #Davarax #Dulsissia Motti #Mose the Hutt #Corin and Din and the others appear of course

37 notes · View notes