#pizzalover8969

[eponastory]

THE LEGENDARY PUMPKIN SPICE LATTE

A short story for Pizzalover8969 involving a harrowing trip across town to find the last pumpkin spice latte.

I will say that it started out as one thing, but went completely off in another direction. I hope you enjoy!

Ai render is from Hayley Culverwell... check her out on Facebook! She has some pretty funny stuff and raccoons...lots of raccoons

If there were a day to try something new, this was it. It was not that Dante had a taste for anything spectacular, but it was this pumpkin spice crap that had Lady and Trish all in an uproar. Both of them came into the shop with one, and just the smell alone told Dante that autumn had arrived early.

Fall was his favorite time of year, but this was also when the girls came out of the woodwork with their 'sweater weather' wardrobes. He was fine. His preference was red leather and motorcycles. All year, every year. If a girl could not handle that, they did not know what they were missing.

Apparently, he had no idea what he was missing either.

As soon as Dante smelled the drink from the door with his enhanced senses, he felt the intense desire to smack the drink out of Lady's hand. It was sickeningly spicy sweet. Not like a strawberry sundae or a shake, but somewhere on the edge of cinnamon and pumpkin guts. It was undoubtedly a strange combination.

"Oh, come on, you don't even know you like it until you've tried it." That was the first thing Trish had said when he turned his nose up at the drink.

"There is no way in HELL you are going to get me to try that crap!" He pointed at the offending drink that sat innocently on his desk. Lady stood in the background silently sipping on her own latte with a devious look in her bi colored eyes. He knew that look. "Oh no... don't you dare. I can see the hamster wheel turning in that pretty little head of yours." He slammed a hand down on his desk with an accusatory glare.

"Just what am I thinking, Dante?" She glared back at him, stepping closer and slamming her drink down.

"You're about to make a bet." He pointed out as he crossed his arms. "I'm not falling for it this time."

"Okay, fine... I was thinking up a way to forgive your debt." She looked over at Trish with a smile. "But since you always lose to me anyway, I guess it's not going to work."

"I'll take you up on that bet." The blond demoness smirked. Why did gambling always revolve on how he was going to react? Could it be something else for a change? Dante sighed. His options were limited.

"Alright, here's the deal." Lady started out, then picked up the latte. "Dante is going to try the pumpkin spice latte. If he doesn't like it, then you win, and he gets some of his debt knocked out. If he likes it, I win, but he gets to buy the next round." The two women looked at him. He really wished he had locked the doors earlier. These two were the bane of his existence. He leaned back in his chair with an exasperated sigh. He made sure it was loud so they could hear his displeasure from this horrible nonsense. "Does this sound like a deal?" Dante watched as the women shook on it with smiles on their wicked little faces.

"That's a deal for me." Trish seemed very happy about this. He watched as she rounded the desk to stand behind him.

"Bottoms up, Dante!" Lady in her usual tone of excitement ran up with latte in hand. He barely had time to realize what was going on when Lady grabbed his jaw and opened his mouth. She quickly shoved the straw into his mouth with his eyes wide. This was nothing new. There was that one three way make-out session that lead to the two of them stuffing a pecan pie into his mouth. Turns out, he hates pecan pie.

With a passion.

Well, it could be worse. He could just go with the flow this time. Even though a make-out session would be preferable to this. He had his kinks and apparently so did they. But this was not at all like that. This was just his best friends being exactly what they were... best friends. Besides that pie incident happened right after Trish met Lady. That was years ago.

Dante decided that it was in his best interests to go ahead and take a sip. Lady still had his face in her hand and Trish was holding him down by the shoulders. Well, if you cannot beat them... give into their demands and hope for the best.

Or was it 'when in Rome'?

Ah well, who gives a shit?

He hesitantly began to suck on the straw waiting for the concoction of pumpkin and spice to hit his tongue. Well, it was not bad. Actually, it tasted like fall sounded. Or felt for that matter. Images of beautiful girls wearing their cashmere sweaters and knitted scarfs fluttered through his mind while a hint of vanilla made him think of this one particular girl he met recently. The spice itself, nutmeg, made him feel all warm inside like he was sitting in his mother's kitchen watching her make snickerdoodle cookies. Oh this was bringing on some memories. He was pretty sure he was feeling a little bit of joy from the taste. Not to mention the sweetness of the pumpkin making him think about carving jack o lanterns with Vergil when he was seven...

"Dammit!" He did not mean to throw the two women off of him, but he did. All the while grabbing the damn drink out of Lady's hand and savoring every bit of the liquid.

And that was when Dante decided Pumpkin Spice Latte's were not so bad. Actually, he really liked them.

Which led to the search of a lifetime.

The only problem was that every Starbucks in town had run out of the stuff and he owed the girls. This was no good at all because both of them were coming back from their own jobs. He wanted to get this debt off of his back and of course, he also wanted a latte himself.

So far, he had visited three Starbucks and not one had pumpkin spice. Not a single one and it was getting late. The later it got, especially this close to Samhain, the more demons liked to meddle in human affairs. Of course, when he walked into the first coffee establishment with Rebellion on his back and his guns, he was politely asked to leave.

He put up a decent rant that would make a Karen blush.

Was he turning into a Kevin because of this stupid drink? He hoped not. He tended to stay out of drama. Except now that he had been thoroughly enchanted by this thing called 'fall in a coffee cup' he was addicted and there was no twelve step program.

He decided it was probably a better idea to go through the drive thru instead of dealing with managers and police. All he wanted was a damn latte and he was beginning to think the rumors about Starbucks were true. Those rumors being that of demonic worship and whatnot. It had been making its way around the internet for a good while. There were even pictures to prove it.

The craving was worse than anything he had ever experienced. He had heard about the cravings of pregnant women from people he had the unfortunate pleasure of meeting, but this was on another level.

Just what is it they put in those drinks?

Cocaine?

He had no clue, but he craved is so much he was crossing town to get it.

Right as he pulled up to the next Starbucks, it was already dark. The worst part is that just outside in the parking lot was a bunch of the worst kind of demons...

A bunch of college age girls in a line with feral looks in their eyes.

Holy shit!

He had no idea if he should run or fight them off. Maybe he should use that charm of his to get into Starbucks before the pumpkin spice left forever? It was a thought.

There was also a line of cars going almost around the block. This was a huge problem for Dante. This was the last Starbucks before he would have to go to the next town over which was an hour drive. He sat there on his motorcycle trying to decide his fate. If he went back to Devil May Cry without that savory deliciousness, he was going to be impaled... twice.

Not for the first time of course, but possibly shot at as well. He never knew with Lady. She was a wildcard.

This was probably the bravest thing he was ever going to do. He turned off the bike, put the kickstand down, and hoped no one was going to take his weapons. He was going into battle with these ladies and he had no idea if he was going to make it out alive. If he did, he would finally achieve what he came to Starbucks to do.

At this point Dante was thinking about it like he was in a game. Battle the hordes of enemies, get the mcguffin, get out, and go home. It all seemed easy. Except it was not. Hormones were driving the young feral women to Starbucks. Their driving need for everything pumpkin spice was all they had. It was a cult Dante had been unceremoniously inducted into without consent. Cults were bad, very bad and now he was part of this witchcraft.

Oh the horror!

He was stopping at nothing to get into that building. It took every inch of willpower he had to make his way over to the group of rabid girls. Though, he did admit that some of them were pretty (pretty rabid if you ask me, but I'm the narrator that lives in his brain for right now) enough for him to consider taking out. Key word being 'consider'.

There was no convincing these beautiful (but completely blood thirsty) women to move out of his way without setting them off. The devil hunter could practically feel the demonic energy coming from them. He was positive that they were all possessed, but how come the latte did not effect him like it did women?

"So... anyone care to let a guy through to get a drink?" All eyes turned to him in a creepy way. If there was ever at time where he dreamed of being dog piled by a bunch of females, this was not it. They all had blank stares on their faces. The smell of their perfumes mixing was enough to make him want to run away. "Ladies?"

"Get him!"

"He wants the last of the pumpkin spice!"

"Stop him!"

"Oh shit." He was immediately swarmed by human females under the spell of the Legendary Pumpkin Spice Latte from the corporate demon named Starbucks. He could not hurt them, they were unknowingly addicted and under a spell. Just like he was, only he realized it was stronger on women.

When they were done with him, he laid there on the concrete rethinking his life's decisions and what led him to this moment. After thirty minutes, he decided to pick himself up off the sidewalk and trudge inside. The line had clearly shrunk down to zero, but at least he was closer to his goal.

Making his way up to the counter, he looked at the very tired and 120% done burista. Her name tag had clearly been knocked off a few times along with her sanity. Even the Narrator (that would be me) felt sorry for her. The rush of hormonal females dying of thirst was enough to make her want to quit her job right then and there.

Dante slammed his hands on the counter with a defeated sigh as he looked into the eyes of the one Starbucks employee that wanted to shoot someone. He could see it in her eyes. She had seen quite a few Karen's and she offered him a look of pity.

"Welcome to Starbucks, what can I get for you tonight?" She said in monotone. It looked like she was about to rip off her green apron and throw it at someone.

"Pumpkin... spice... latte... make it a grande." Dante was very close to triggering after the fiasco outside. He was trying his best to rein it in, but the demon in him was craving that latte as much as he was. The burista started taking off her apron and sighed.

"I'm sorry, sir, but we're all out." She said throwing her apron on the floor. "And so am I."

If anyone in the building had never seen a demon... well, they had now.

Dante could not hold in the demonic power anymore.

"I don't get paid enough for this shit." And that was when the Starbucks location not only lost a fed up employee, but also the building.

Luckily, no one had been hurt.

Two weeks later it had been confirmed that there was indeed something in the latte's that drove women to become feral. It was all thanks to Dante that the evil had been not only exposed, but completely neutralized.

It still did not curb his thirst for Pumpkin Spice.

[thebluerose]

@pizzalover8969

A beetle

[cheese-anon-real]

Do you know the whereabouts of the legendary demon hunter? I heard he was recently seen here

OH-HO! OH BOY WE GOT CONFIRMATION!! Unless it's like Griffon and you've just somehow gained independence... Which would be odd, but still plausible.

Ayo @pizzalover8969 get in here I found your brother. Kinda.

Nice to meet you, mister V! I am the lustrous, not illustrious Cheese Anon! Though you... Probably already know that? Through Vergil and all. Welcome to the world!

[stoopidkoa]

Devil may cry in wings of fire! I also gave them a name canon to the series as an extra bonus!

V - Nightwing (for @romannumeralv

Nero - Seawing (for @thebluerose

Dante - Skywing (for @pizzalover8969

Vergil - Icewing (for @thebestsonofsparda

Trish - Sandwing (for @bewitching-betrishing

Lady - Rainwing (for @theladyarsenal

BONUS!

Alucard - Rainwing

[theladyarsenal]

I know your whole thing is guns, so how about a sword that uses a gun to do more sword?

I'm no swordswoman, but that looks hot.

Maybe I could get @pizzalover8969 to show me a thing or two. I'd definitely give it a go.

[thebestsonofsparda]

Favorite kind of sushi? Also can I plan a birthday for you and Dante?

Tuna Nigiri.

If you wish to plan a party with us in the same building be prepared for me and my brother to turn it into rubble. We can get possessive over the cake. And Dante always loses.

Isn't that right Dante. @pizzalover8969

[meetyournewclient]

Hey, I heard that you can get rid of some... problems for me. People in my area have been going missing, weird plants have started growing and no ones doing anything about it. I don't know if you can send somebody to deal with it, cause some shits gone down, and now people are getting sick. Can you please send someone if i'm in your area? I'm in Maine, small town by Augusta.

Sincerely,

🌊

I know a few people that might want in on this job.

@pizzalover8969

@thebluerose

@theladyarsenal

@bewitching-betrishing

Any of you interested? I suspect the pay is good.

[azureedoodles]

@pizzalover8969

How I imagine how Dante got onto the plane to Germany...

[lethal-artisan]

Howdy! It's your local weapon-smith here.

Need a Devil Arm? Advice? Help with the dumbass twins (@thebestsonofsparda @pizzalover8969), the One-Arm-Wonder (@thebluerose), the emo poet (@romannumeralv), or the li'l chickee (@the-thunder-chicken)? I'm ya girl!

Any NSFW asks will be put out in the open and laughed at.

[romannumeralv]

I have no name; I am but two days old... Just kidding. You can call me V.

One of my beloved familiars, Griffon, can be found @the-thunder-chicken

The foolish man I came from can be found @thebestsonofsparda

His even more foolish brother is @pizzalover8969

He also has a chaotic son @thebluerose

You can find a friend of ours at @lethal-artisan

I will not respond to NSFW asks

"The Angel that presided o'er my birth said, 'Little creature, form'd of Joy and Mirth, Go love without the help of any Thing on Earth.'"

[gem-anonymous]

Yes it is I the real gem Anon and I like creating chaos and confusion but I love my moments of peace too. Please no NSFW I will turn you into crystal and not a pretty one

Anons

@cheese-anon-real le cheese

@anonymousqueenofrandom queen of random (its in her title)

Devil May Cry

@pizzalover8969 dante (wacky woo hoo pizza man)

@thebestsonofsparda vergil (dark slayer)

@thebluerose nero (the babysitter to his uncle and father)

@theladyarsenal Lady (best girl ever!)

@bewitching-betrishing Trish (second best girl) ((her and Lady are a package deal))

@romannumeralv V (Shakespeare 2.0)

@the-thunder-chicken Griffin (birb)

@lethal-artisan Nico (third best girl) ((She's your gal if ya need a weapon or in neros case prosthetic limbs))

@meetyournewclient Morisson (GET your jobs to him!!!!)

[eponastory]

@pizzalover8969

I come bearing gifts!

Marlene

If there was an award for the worst credit score ever, it would go to Dante. Not that he needed good credit to get what he wanted anyway, but it did help his chances. If there was negative credit, that was where his was. That did not matter because he found someone with a really good sale going on.

Two hours of talking to a sleazy car salesman later, he drove out of the parking lot with a very old red Dodge Caravan.

He got it for the rock bottom price of one thousand dollars. Which covered the price of the state of the art sound system from the early 2000s. It even had a CD player. Oh, and a tiny disco ball hanging from the rear-view mirror. There were some dents in the doors. The biggest one was on the driver's side, where he could not get the door open. That was not a problem. He could dive in through the window.

The seats were gray with some brown stains on them from soda or something else entirely. He was not going to really think about it. But it was clean. It smelled good even though there was the faint smell of pot and cigarette smoke still lingering in the AC. Overall, it had potential.

Oh, and it came with a built-in cat bed. Cat included.

Actually, the cat had been living in there for a while since one of the rear windows had a decent sized hole in it. That knocked five hundred dollars off the price. Overall, Dante was pretty happy with his purchase.

Now, he did not have to worry about spending money on hotels for jobs that took him away from home. Nope, he was going to rip out those back seats and throw a mattress back there. He even thought about adding in a little refrigerator in there for cold drinks. It was a solid plan.

Really, he had the ability to sleep anywhere, but he wanted a damn mattress to sleep on.

So that was that.

The best thing about the van... was the sound of the engine. It purred like a charger. That was because someone actually put a refurbished charger engine under the hood. Oh yes, it was a muscled up minivan that roared like it was going out of style. He had to have it.

And it was in his favorite color.

How lucky could he get?

Now, all he had to do was pop a few decals on it, tear out those seats, and name the cat. The cat was not leaving without a fight, so it stayed. Doing all of that took less than an hour. Well, except naming the cat.

"What is this piece of shit doing here?" And there it was. The voice that always had something to say. "Oh no... this can't be his." He popped his head out of the back of the van as he was adjusting the mattress in the back. "Dante, are you for real right now?" It was Lady.

"As real as my new baby." He smiled wide as he hopped out and patted the exterior of the van. "You like her?"

"Her?" Lady looked at him in shock as he stood next to his new pride and joy. "You named this hunk of junk?"

"Hey, you're gonna hurt Marlene's feelings if you don't stop calling her names." He caressed the chipped red paint as though it were his one true love. He was only doing it to get a rise out of Lady anyway. "It's okay, Marlene, I'll make the mean lady apologize." The absolute shock on the huntresses' face at how outlandish Dante was being had him close to breaking down in laughter. "See, you hurt her feelings."

"Dante, cut the bullshit." She fell into a dead stare and crossed her arms. He could not help himself.

"Lady, do you see any bulls out here?" Her buttons were easy to push at this point as he held his arms out, motioning to the street around them.

"Ugh... you're infuriating!" And that was when she gave up. Stomping away like a teenager after being picked on by an older sibling. "I'm going to Starbucks!"

"Hey, can you get me a pumpkin spice latte?" He asked as she walked away, but instead, she just threw her middle finger up in the air. "I guess not." Dante turned his attention back to the red van with a smile. "She'll come around."

Once everything was in place and the black cat affectionately given the name of 'Lulu', the van was ready for its first job. The only problem was that there were no jobs. It had been a bit dry in the gin and tonic department, too.

There was Vergil.

Bad idea. Vergil would not set foot or ass in Marlene.

Trish?

Nah, she was likely to throw the van at him for even asking.

Nero.

Nero could use a little bit of a night out. He happened to be in town, doing who knows what. It was the perfect night, too, because there was a band playing at one of his local haunts.

He even bought a new pair of shades to wear while cruising around in Marlene. Putting them on, he climbed in through the window and started up the engine. The grin on his face when the beautiful beast under the hood roared to life only grew wider. Yes, this was a very good buy.

"Let's rock, Baby!" He turned the music on, playing 80s rock. It was a good thing he kept all of those CDs from the 90s.

As he rode down the street with the windows down and a terrified cat curled up in the bed behind his seat, he sang to Metallica. That was when he spotted Nero walking down the sidewalk with his hands in his pocket. That was also the moment that 'Don't Stop Believing' came on.

It was time to embarass the shit out of his nephew.

Dante hung his head out of the window as he sidled up to the curb, singing loudly. Every word sung really loud and surprisingly not off key, but it was enough to stop Nero in his tracks.

"Get in Loser! We're going bar hopping!" The look on the kid's face was somewhere between confused and embarrassed. Just like the day Dante told him Vergil was his old man. Ah, memories.

"What the hell is this?" The younger man motioned to the red van that Dante was practically hanging out of as he parked. "You going through a midlife crisis or something?"

"Nope, just taking an idea from you." He pulled his sunglasses down to look the kid in the eyes. "I couldn't pass up a good deal."

"What do you call a deal these days? Chipped paint and a cracked up engine?" Nero laughed as Dante put the vehicle in park and climbed out of the window.

"I'll have you know, the car was free." He grunted as his feet landed on the ground. "I pretty much paid for the stereo system, and the cat was free too."

"Cat?" He nodded at the younger man as he reached back into the van, pulling out a black cat who was growling.

"Meet Lulu, my newest employee." Dante scratched the irritated cat under the chin, only to recieve a bite. "Okay, let me just put that back in there. She doesn't like to be disturbed." He gently put the cat back in the van.

"I don't even know what to say." Nero could not believe what he was seeing. Or why he was even seeing it. As a matter of fact, he was not even sure he was in the same reality at that moment. Sure, Dante could be a bit... out there... but this was something else.

"Don't say anything and get in the van." Dante set his shades back up on the bridge of his nose as he hopped back into the driver's seat.

"I'm going to regret this." There was no point in resisting. Nero sighed as he walked around to the passenger side and got in. At least the door opened on that side. "It smells like weed in here."

"Shhhhhh... just sit back and enjoy the ride."

[thebluerose]

@pizzalover8969

i dont feell so good

thinkk im gonna puke

[cheese-anon-real]

Howdy! I'm Cheese Anon! I speak for the cheese~ I have a wonderful hoard of Wisps that help me, and I'm secretly a god from another world~ Got a real good family on here, consisting of the Spardas and the Anons! The Spardanons! Lore posts will be linked below, when they're made.

Now meet the family!

One of my best friends of all time! @bigdumidiot

The amazing, the loveable, AZUREEEEEE! @azureedoodles

The anons!

🧀; you are here!

🃏; one of the best lil fluffballs! @anonjoker

🍰; very good at fixing things, great company! @bizcochodefresa

👸; Queenie, aka Alexandria, helps us all out a lot and makes really great comfort food! And has quite a few good stories, dear gods below. @anonymousqueenofrandom

🌵; Queen's daughter, Kaylee(assigning that emoji to you for funnies), an adorable sassy lil shit, good at gaming! @princessanonofrandom

🍬; beloved sass master, one of the best gremlins around! @therealcandyanon

The Spardas(&co)!

Can you believe this is THE Dante Sparda? @pizzalover8969

Vergil. The big dork! @thebestsonofsparda

Nero the Meme Lord(and a really good partner dad from what I've heard!) @thebluerose

V. He won't live with me. :( @romannumeralv

Griffon, my favorite demonic bird! @the-thunder-chicken

Nico! Has my signed permission to use bits of me to make cool shit. Very funky. Very cool. @lethal-artisan

[anonymousqueenofrandom]

Welcome!

I am the Anonymous Queen of Random and welcome to my land of enchantment powered by my Magical Closet!

I am here to grant wishes and generally cause a little chaos in the process. I am also a very caring queen who takes care of her friends and associates.

I love cooking and baking.

Infiltrating military bases for my needs to help others conquer the world with tanks that shoot pizza instead of shells. I aim to end world hunger one Abrams Pizza Shooting tank at a time!

Your wishes may be placed in the inbox and I will find it in the Never Ending Closet!

I am also Anon friends with Anons @cheese-anon-real and @bizcochodefresa to support @pizzalover8969 who really wants more anon friends.

[theladyarsenal]

First off, anyone who calls me by my real name is going to have a very intimate conversation with Kalina Ann.

Second, if you got a job for me, just leave it in the ask box for me. Or you can get in touch with Morrison @meetyournewclient.

Any NSFW idiots need to hit the road, or I'll kick them to the curve (I'm not changing this word because someone has a problem) myself.

GRAMMAR POLICE WILL BE IGNORED! AND SPELLING MISTAKES WILL REMAIN FOR THE JOY OF WATCHING ANYONE WHO HAS A PROBLEM WITH IT SQUIRM.

KMA!

My main focus is to annoy @pizzalover8969 until he pays me what he owes me. And he owes me a lot.

I'll steal his pizza if I have to.