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botslayer · 5 years

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Top Ten games of the 2010′s

This trend seems to be doing the rounds at the moment and seeing as I’ve been gaming for about as long as I can remember, It just feels right. So, let’s get into it. But first, worth saying: These aren't really in any specific order, it's just the games I've personally had the most fun with overall, but it's pretty hard to decide what the hard numbers on things you enjoy for different reasons are if that makes any sense. 10. The 2010's weren't exactly the best time for anyone, I think. For me they were a slog of finding myself and learning things I wish I didn't. Amid all those things I wanted some levity. The world needs something and stupid. We got a lot of it ion 2013 but I feel like we could have used it scattered around a bit more. In that spirit, allow me to show you one hell of a pick me up:

Saints Row 4

Saints Row 4 does not give a fuck. It is aggressively demonstrating that the entire time you play. It doesn't care in the slightest what you think or why, It just wants to show you cool, if juvenile, and interesting, if weird shit. It's the finer points of Ratchet and Clank's arsenal, SR3's humor, And superpowers that genuinely put Prototype and Infamous in a blender and tell you to go ape shit with them. The soundtrack isn't top shelf, it's the roof of the building the shelf is in. Saints Row Two had a better story overall but SR Four's was just plain fun and a solid enough story to still be invested.

The DLC was just as irreverent and madcap, Featuring everything from an evil Santa Clause to evil Gimps on Game of thrones chairs made of dildos Or Tropey-ass costumes and weapon reskins that I'd be genuinely surprised the game dev didn't get sued over. It has earned its place in my top 10 and I will die by that decision.

2016 saw the advent of a new genre. They blended TF2 and MOBAs, and we got hero shooters in their first AAA forms, Overwatch and Battleborn. But neither of these games is on this list, much as I liked them. Partly because the whole time, I kept thinking of one simple question: "Why do I keep thinking of...?"

Anarchy Reigns

Anarchy Reigns is my favorite Platinum game. Full Stop. The Story mode is interesting and has genuinely good character moments, the characters themselves are completely mental, ranging from a mercenary with a bionic cat leg that secretly has a gun built into it to a giant cyborg bull-man with a jet-powered hammer. The soundtrack is mostly angry hip-hop, making every song a banger and fittingly speedy for things like random bombing runs from jet fighters that come from absolutely nowhere.

There are giant monsters, cars with mounted flame throwers, giant robots, and the online is still pretty sweet because even when abandoned, loading it up with bots still rules. I regularly have more fun with this than I ever did with Overwatch, and I don't care how insane that sounds.

Some games want to make you feel something and fail. Some games make you feel some things accidentally, for example, a desperate need to laugh. This game made me feel like a human blender. Like a Chthonic god of mangled flesh and raw destructive power. Nyarlathotep ain't got nothing on me. I speak, of course, of...

[Prototype] 2

There's no end to the absolute destruction you feel like you're causing in this game. It feels more fluid than the first, the main character is a pinch more relatable, and all the body horror, superpowers, zombie hordes, and big old monsters make for some of the most memorable and fun moments and fights in gaming. The DLC is also pretty solid, adding new fun side challenges, and new powers and weapons that elevate you from "Flesh god" to "Screw physics, I made them" Omnipotent. Best god/monster simulation of all time.

Sometimes some games are at an honest tie in your mind. Be it that you like them for essentially the same reasons, or for completely different reasons, but the overall total joy or entertainment they bring is roughly equivalent. Here, we have a case of the former:

Furi/Cuphead

Both games have a tight focus on giving players a unique, boss-centric challenge, both have interesting, somewhat minimal narratives, and both are absolute eye candy.

Furi has a more "Samurai Jack" Quality to me. A complete badass on a relatively simple quest with a somewhat minimalistic art style learning some things as he goes.

Cuphead on the other hand, nails that rubber hose animation style, and the fun levity of such animations while still making the player's ability to interact with the world damn impactful and fun.

They share a spot in my soul, games I love everything about but will never be able to finish. Hats off to both dev teams.

Now here we have another tie. Mostly because the games are so close together, they need to be evaluated more or less as one product IMO, not enough changed for me to consider them separate games, fortunately, that is the furthest thing from an insult it can be in this situation. I present to you, my next pick(s).

Costume Quest 1/2

Now, This might seem pretty random considering my other picks, but honestly, I love Halloween, I love creative madness, I love subversion, I love good characters, and I love cool action, these games have all these things by the bucketload.

The first game is a wild ride through Halloween in multiple very lively locations and the second, slightly confusing as it is, is pretty awesome for the things it introduces, including time travel. Other elements, like the battle stamps, the truly epic forms of everything in the fights, The ability to customize your costumes, etc. they blur together in a pretty big way, but again, there's not a thing wrong with that when both games rock like crystal candy.

Now, if you hadn't noticed, all of the games on this list have had some hard action at their core, and while I don't HATE calmer games, a lot of the time, so many are kinda dull to me in that with the exception of easter eggs of some sort, most farming sims, for example, just have you doing normal farm stuff with very few twists, may as well start a real farm in that case. My most chill entry is a game that tosses that to one side, asks you to grab a suck cannon, and start harvesting gelatinous monster poop.

Slime Rancher

While you don't spend a lot of time actually interacting with other characters, they just talk at you, the story of the game is pretty effective, the player character of Beatrix has left Earth for a simpler life of Slime Ranching, which entails the raising of alien crops, delightfully derpy and colorful chickens, and going all around in an attempt to farm new breeds of slime for their genetic material to sell off or trade-in for the creation of gadgets while being surrounded by a cast of interesting characters. It's all very wholesome family fun.

The game looks great, has great ideas, and is genuinely the best farming game I have ever played. @ me all you want.

The 80's are almost fetishized nowadays. Given all the property reboots, games that go for the vibe and aesthetic of the time, etc. It almost seems as though the eighties vibe train ain't gonna stop rolling any time soon. But we owe it to ourselves to remember the first big swipe of madcap neon-colored actiony B-movie bullshit and how mind-meltingly epic it was. Ladies, Gents, and whatever else, I present:

Far Cry 3: Blood Dragon

Blood Dragon's story is relatively simple, you play Sargent Rex "Power" Colt (A name said in full so many times I thought his last name was "Powercolt" for the longest time), a former "Omega force" cyborg. Rex and his friend "Spider" were sent into a secret island base to investigate the supposed defection and treachery of their old commander, Ike Sloan. It turns out he has gone rogue and taken an army of "Mark 5" Omegaforce cyber-soldiers with him. What follows is a long story of betrayal, science fiction of the highest nonsensical level, comedy, and brilliantly cathartic action.

The collectibles range from data on animals, to research notes from a scientist, to literal VHS cassette tapes that have full descriptions of movies that I would legitimately watch if I could. "You may now kill the brides" is not a real film and I am angry for every day that that is true. Anyway, play Far Cry 3: Blood Dragon, I dunno if it's on PS4 but it's one game I'd buy a new/old console for.

A lot of superhero games NEED to railroad you. Your goals MUST be to save the lives of the people and help the weak and all that. But one dev asked the simple question: "What if it didn't?" "What if the player chose how to use their power? What if the player could be as evil or as good as they damn well pleased?" One game gave you the powers of thunder and lightning and asked what you'd do with it. It's sequel asked you the same, but against more... interesting forces.

InFamous 2

InFamous 2 is a game about making choices, just like the first one, also just like the first one, it can have an effect on gameplay. That effect went from "What does this particular power do in this allignment?" To "Which new set of NEW powers would you like?" The forces of the last game went from “Three flavors of gun-toting whackos” To “Possibly an allegory for the Klan, Swamp monsters, and Ice-powered super soldiers.”

This was, and still is, the best game in the whole series, The powers felt distinct from anything else and still do, the story is solid as a rock, and the enemy types were still varied enough to be interesting, I miss the Reapers from the first game, but that's about it. Everything else was a massive step up. If you have something that can run it, play it.

Action is something I think we can all appreciate on some level. We can understand when it does or does not work, we can understand when we do or do not like how it feels when we are the ones partaking in it. EX: Any schlep can tell you when the weapons in your game lack impact, or when your character moves too slow for the game to be fun. The following game is something I can't say anything of the sort about. And it's kind of like Wolfenstein, when you have enemies this bad, who the hell cares how many you kill?

Doom 2016

Y'all are lying if you say you didn't expect this one. It's DOOM 2016. This game is made of hate and fuck. AND I LOVE IT. You move so fast, you may as well be half cheetah and half sports car. You slaughter the dregs of hell by the dozens and even the biggest, baddest things this game throws at you can be beaten with the starting pistol if you have the stones for it. It looks amazing graphically, the demons all look appropriately threatening, and even the Multiplayer is a great deal of fun in my book.

Something worth noting: The story presented by default is pretty barebones, but that's where supplementary material fills in the gaps, the difference between supplementary material in most games and supplementary material here is the material is till IN THE GAME. You're free to ignore most of the plot as it happens around you, and even interesting tidbits of the lore like how certain demons function. Not only are these things missable collectibles, prompting continued play to find them, they are also pretty interesting reads. So yeah, just about everything you could want in a sequel/remake, builds the on lore and gameplay very organically.

And here we are, the last game I'd put in this category. An entire decade, and here, we end on the last game that left such an impact I'd put it in my top ten. But first, let's talk about expectations and delivery: When you say a game is coming out, there are certain expectations you have for gameplay, EX: I say "Ratchet and Clank" and you expect a TPS with platforming elements and crazy guns. I say "Gears of War" and people expect something to do with lumbering about in big armor, dismembering things with a chainsaw gun and otherwise shooting them to paste. We might also expect changes to things, better graphics, innovations in grenade variety, something as that franchise goes on.

After the last game in this series was released, there were tons of people who felt let down and disappointed by it. Then they released the still somewhat disappointing special edition of it. They were both still fun, but neither really felt like the full next step in the series. After a failed reboot, they returned to the original story and the lot of us rejoiced. And when it finally came out? It was a step up in most, if not, all regards, to its predecessors. You know what this last one is. Please, give a warm round of applause to:

Devil May Cry 5

A game that was not only a return to form, but a major escalation in gameplay for one character, and a new style of gameplay all together by way of yet another new character. It didn’t exactly hurt that the story kicked ten kinds of ass and that the game looked spectacular in both the design of everything and the actual graphical fidelity.DMC 5 is, like DOOM, Like InFamous 2, Like [PROTOTYPE] 2, everything you want in a good sequel. It built very well on already solid foundations and it was generally just a fun, slightly goofy, massively stylish, and ultra badass ride. I recommend this, and all these games, to anyone.Good night everyone, have a great 2020. And the rest of the decade, for that matter.

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photolover82 · 4 years

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The Masked Singer Season 3 Episode 14: The Quarter Finals (Commentary & Guesses)

Hello fellow Masked Singer fans! It’s that time of the week aka Ana’s Masked Singer recap time, with your typing host Ana, because nobody else will do it for me haha. We are truly getting down to the wire with only 5 masked contestants left (well 4 after we are done here with this recap lol). So, again, we will be honoring the judges with some trophy emojis because they are getting there and I am kind of shook, but this time I am also gonna give the judge with the worst guess ever a poop emoji because it was a horrible guess. Yes, I am having too much fun with this, let me enjoy my moment. I think I am gonna call the segment “Panel Spotlight.” Ok, so having said that, let’s get started! (Disclaimer: Spoilers ahead, proceed with caution.. don’t say I didn’t warn you)

Alright, so let’s start with the elimination/mask coming in 5th place was:

*DRUMROLL PLEASE*

THE KITTY

Ok, so this one was also pretty upsetting, but at this point I knew this was going to happen even though I was hoping Rhino would go home instead. The only person I am like really routing for is Turtle at this point (I also really miss Astronaut so I am still sad over that elimination) so whatever I guess. However, I don’t think she should’ve gone home. Her performance of Back to Black by Amy Winehouse was really great, even though it wasn’t her best performance. Anyways, I did know who she was ever since the Super 9 and I was sure...

Having said that, Kitty was revealed to be...

JACKIE EVANCHO

Alright so yay the Internet convinced me and I got it because of them, thank you Internet! I kinda love you... sometimes. Anyways, if you don’t know who Jackie is, she was on America’s Got Talent when she was 10 as an opera singer and became one of the most successful & youngest platinum musicians ever. Now, she’s almost 20 which is insane and 10 years later full circle moment with Nick Cannon. Anyways, she really killed it as the Kitty, singing not just opera but all types of genres and killing it. Wow, yup, her voice is insane, we are the same age and she is so freaking talented, I can't even. I am so excited to see what the future holds for her. Anyways, here are the new clues that made sense for it to be her:

Clue package, traveling through St.Petersburg, Japan, the Vatican, etc. = all places Jackie has performed

Somewhere over the rainbow= performed it on Oprah’s TV special in 2011

After Performance clue this time was a “borrowed package.” Hers contained a Bow & Arrow= she is a talented archer as well as singer (this is news to me but I looked it up)

Now time for the PANEL SPOTLIGHT:

Nobody got the 🏆 because the judges were so clueless.

However, the worst guess aka the 💩 was the guest judge, comedian Jeff Dye, who said “one of those Olsen twins.” I gave it to him because he couldn’t even distinguish which one & the Olsen twins don’t make sense with all of these clues.

Alright, now we have our top 4 contestants, woo hoo! These are our semi-finalists, my guesses, and commentary, let’s do this:

1. The Frog

Performance: Yeah, I’m sorry, I just am not a big fan of Frog. He switched up last week and it was better than his normal stuff, but he just reverted to the same thing again and it’s getting annoying. This time, he performed Bust a Move by Young MC.

Guess: Bow Wow

Clue package, calling his “little frog” = he has a 9 year old daughter

French Bread on the ground = he has a song named Long Bread

Falcon Figure= Atlanta Falcons (where he lives & he is a fan of them)

Borrowed Package= Model Airplane= The Bow Wow Challenge from 2017 when he faked going on a private jet & was caught in a normal airplane and a challenge was born on the Internet about this

Now time for the PANEL SPOTLIGHT:

Yay! Robin Thicke caught on! He gets the 🏆 for guessing Bow Wow.

On the other hand, the worst guess aka the 💩 was of course Mr. Ken Jeong, who guessed Derek Hough?! What?! His logic for that guess was way off and Derek Hough cannot rap like that (but it would be cool for Derek to be on the show tho)

2. The Rhino

Performance: Ok, so he sang “You’ve Lost that Loving Feeling” by the Righteous Bros and it was impressive. This is another one of his best performances. It was a very romantic version of this song and he played into the romance. Also, you could hear some rasp to his voice that shows some versatility, I really really enjoyed this one wow. I think I might have been underestimating Rhino’s performance ability.

Guess: Barry Zito

In the package, he said that he had struggles before meeting his wife= he was a bad boy in baseball & his wife straightened him out to be a man of faith.

3 little elephants’ picture= reference to his 3 kids

Turkey hand drawing= has his own Red Turkey baseball card

Borrowed Package= Navy Hat= he was in a 2003 episode of JAG playing a Navy officer & him/his wife have a charity to donate to the military

Now time for the PANEL SPOTLIGHT:

Ok so this one is gonna be surprising because nobody said it but somebody was close. Surprisingly, Ken was close so I am going to give him the 🏆 for mentioning JAG when seeing the Navy hat clue, so let’s give him some kudos there.

Tbh, none of the guesses were absolute 💩 so we are going to skip this one for the Rhino.

3. Night Angel

Performance: Ok, so not a fan of the Night Angel either (she is way too inconsistent for my liking), but this was probably one of her best performances so far, if not her best performance. She sang “Last Dance” by Donna Summer and the song choice was perfect for her voice. I really liked this performance too, wow this episode is actually pretty good performance wise (except for Frog, but whatever)

Guess: Kandi Burruss

Lipstick = has a makeup line & final studio album of Xscape was called Traces of my Lipstick

"Say Baby I Love You”= hint to her writing for Destiny’s Child

Columbia on a map= her first studio album was recorded in Columbia Records

Borrowed Package= Ski Gear= reference to her Bravo special Kandi’s Ski Trip

Now time for the PANEL SPOTLIGHT:

Nobody caught on this episode so nobody gets the 🏆.

On the other hand, I also can’t give a 💩 to anyone because the guesses were pretty tame & okay. They didn’t hit the mark, but they weren’t overly horrible.

4. Turtle

Performance: Best for last, baby! The show allowed him to perform Fix You by Coldplay for last, because he is the best & nobody could tell me otherwise. Ok so now that I have professed my love for the Turtle, I just wanna say dude this was one of his best performances (I still think his best one was his first one when he sang “Kiss from a Rose”). The song gave me chills, it was so good. It was raw & emotional, you could really feel all the words he was singing. Best performance of the night 1000%!!

Guess: Jesse McCartney

Wanted poster with $1999 on it as a reward= he joined Dream Street in 1999

Wedding Cake Topper= the man’s engaged to his girlfriend of 6 years, Katie Peterson

Green Mop= Known for his “mop top” haircut in the 2000s

Poker Chips= Voiced Theodore in Alvin & the Chipmunks

Borrowed Package= Zombie= appeared in the Walking Dead as a zombie

Now time for the PANEL SPOTLIGHT:

Yay! Nicole finally caught on! She gets the 🏆 for guessing spot on Jesse McCartney even though her reasoning was a bit off & kinda weird.

On the other hand, the worst guess aka the 💩 was again our guest judge with the ever so terrible guess of Norman Reydus. This is so far off, it’s almost laughable.

Anyways, we are done! As always, let me know what you guys think... do you agree? Disagree? I wanna know your guesses too ofc. Did I convince you? Alright, so that’s it! I will see you guys next week for the semi-finals wow! BYE!

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thesinglesjukebox · 6 years

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CARDI B & BRUNO MARS - PLEASE ME [5.22] Last night I said these words to my girl, I make money moves...

Thomas Inskeep: After working his way through Jam & Lewis, LA & Babyface, and Teddy Riley through the 24K Magic album cycle, it's time for Bruno to move into some platinum '90s R&B -- in this case, Jodeci. I am a noted, hardcore Jodeci stan, so it follows that I would fall hard for a Devante Swing homage. "Please Me" thumps, bobs and weaves like the best of them -- those layered-to-the-heavens harmonies on the bridge alone are worth at least a 6 or 7. And Bruno's chorus is pure cream. But then there's Cardi, going for hers so hard. These sex rhymes sound so natural from her, talking about how she's got "no panties in the way," "dinner reservations like the pussy, you gon' eat out," and the coup de grace, "better fuck me like we listenin' to Jodeci." (She's smart.) Between her verse on City Girls' "Twerk," her Grammy moments (performing and winning), and now "Please Me," Cardi's making it clear that she's gonna own 2019 just like she owned '18. Bow down. [10]

Rachel Bowles: This should hit somewhere between Jodeci and TLC's "Red Light Special" but is so off the mark, and when something is this unfit for purpose, why ref Jodeci at all? "Please Me" is a not-so-slow jam '90s pastiche with an awkward tempo for bumping and grinding, and that's if you can stomach Bruno Mars screaming at you. Cardi B builds momentum in those repeated "Let me hear you say!"s on the chorus, flipping the heteronormative porno power dynamics of who begs whom. But Bruno is the letdown, and whereas powerhouse vocals may satisfy some as a corny preamble to sex, they're no replacement for real jouissance. [3]

Katherine St Asaph: Bruno Mars does his usual one-man Billboard chart history re-enactment; he's still doing 75% more singing than necessary, and thank god for it. Cardi is an anachronism, her flow so clearly of the late 2010s and not of the early 1990s, but her talent remains bursting into songs and situations she'd seem out of place, then immediately charming the whole room. She sings too, and what she lacks in range, she nails in pop-R&B timbre; given the Moore's Law speed at which her technical skills have improved, she could be Chilli in a couple years. The call-and-response at the end of the chorus, Cardi playing Phantom to Bruno's passionate, melismatic Christine, is worth at least half the points. [8]

Jessica Doyle: The most interesting aspect of the song is the inversion of traditional assignments: Bruno Mars moans ineffectually, clearly the second-billed, while Cardi at times sounds like an impatient fifth-grade teacher. She'll run through the requisite promises of sex and '90s nods if that's what you demand, but she sounds far more amused by her own "hor-cha-ta" than by anything a potential partner offers her. And more power to her! The lady's had a rough first few months of motherhood; for her to sound so self-contained and cheerful results in a song less sexy but more triumphant for it. [6]

David Moore: Even the horchata can't save this one from Bruno Mars's pathological fussiness, the way he turns sexy lifeless, missing even the brute earworming that at least guaranteed some Stockholm syndrome in their last collaboration. [5]

Iris Xie: "Please Me" is walking in on someone at the refrigerated aisle and seeing them lick off the underside of the plastic cover of a Greek yogurt container, taking their time to finish before snapping the lid back on top. They neatly place it back into the empty space from where they took the gentle dairy, now soiled, and walk away after looking at you, once. It's you narrowly dodging dog poop on a sidewalk, only to look away momentarily and somehow stepping onto another one, and taking time to let it (and you) sink into the magnitude of what you have done. Like seeing a palm tree with no leaves, feeling new rain that tastes like dust and oil, and touching rags that emanate fumes of mildew and turpentine. Eurgh. [0]

Will Adams: A collab so lacking in chemistry I almost forgot "Finesse" exists. [4]

Joshua Minsoo Kim: On "Finesse," Cardi B's relegation to feature status meant that her verses elevated the pastiche-and-nothing-more tendencies of Bruno Mars. With the roles reversed, Mars can't reciprocate: his words are uncharismatic dross compared to Cardi's ability to exude sensuality and charm in both her singing and rapping. Despite all the work she puts in, Mars thinks his simple vocalizing is enough. It's a familiar relationship dynamic -- do we deserve such a precise portrait? [6]

Alfred Soto: As intellectual exercise and pop spectacle, "Please Me" presents a fascinating collision of sensibilities: Bruno Mars can't quash his devotion to sentimental pieties, and Cardi B's curt monosyllables, her stresses like daggers in the back, have a cut-this-crap ferocity. She's dealt with his type before, he has no clue. [5]

[Read, comment and vote on The Singles Jukebox ]

#cardi b #bruno mars #music #new music #music video #music writing #music reviews

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beastgale · 6 years

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dead ass in lee’s jj.ba verse his stand is called ‘Hero’ and it’s based entirely on the bonnie tyler 80s’ bop “Holding out for a Hero” and it draws power on Lee’s confidence and belief in himself. If an ounce of doubt ever crosses Lee’s mind he’s pooped.

Hero is probs like a leg version of Star Platinum. Idk how I want it to look yet but it probably looks like a rly buff green power ranger or a green superman or somethin. IDK I gotta work out the details when I get home from vacation. I want to incorporate the Eight Gates somehow.

Also if Lee were in the show Holding out for a Hero would always play when he comes on the scene idc if someone’s dead in the corner that song is playing.

#ooc #shitpost #I NEED A HEROOOO #jjba

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zayzaycom · 4 years

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Apple’s Animated Musical Comedy Series “Central Park” Features All-Star Lineup of Guest Songwriters, Including Grammy, Oscar and Tony-Winning Artists Sara Bareilles, Meghan Trainor, Anthony Hamilton, Fiona Apple, Cyndi Lauper, Glenn Slater and Alan Menken, Among Others.

New Series from Emmy Award-Winner Loren Bouchard, Grammy-Winner Josh Gad and Emmy-Winner Nora Smith is Available Now on Apple TV+

Songs from the First Two Episodes are Available Now on the “Central Park” Soundtrack HERE

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Apple’s highly anticipated and critically acclaimed animated musical comedy series “Central Park,” from Emmy Award-winner Loren Bouchard, Grammy Award-winner Josh Gad and Emmy Award-winner Nora Smith, features an all-star roster of iconic songwriters behind its show-stopping numbers. The series features an A-list voice cast including Gad, Leslie Odom, Jr., Kristen Bell, Kathryn Hahn, Tituss Burgess, Daveed Diggs, and Stanley Tucci, who perform original music throughout the season, giving viewers yet another reason to break into song and dance for today’s series launch of the first two episodes on Apple TV+ (apple.co/-centralpark).

Each episode features three to six original songs and will be released on the series’ soundtrack on Apple Music and other digital service providers day and date with their episodic debut on Apple TV+. Songs from the first two episodes are available now on the soundtrack from Hollywood Records, which is available to stream today.

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From rock to hip-hop, Broadway, R&B and beyond, guest songwriters contributing to season one soundtrack include: Grammy Award winning singer, songwriter, actress Sara Bareilles; Grammy, Emmy and Tony-Award-winning singer, songwriter, activist and actress Cyndi Lauper; Tony-nominated lyricist Glenn Slater, composer, songwriter, conductor and producer Alan Menken, Emmy and Golden Globe-winning actor, singer, songwriter Darren Criss; Grammy Award-winning and Academy Award- nominated singer/songwriter Aimee Mann; Grammy Award-winning singer/songwriter Meghan Trainor; platinum-selling, Grammy Award-winning singer/songwriter Anthony Hamilton; Grammy Award-winning Fiona Apple; social activist and artist Rafael Casal and actor-rapper Utkarsh Ambudkar. Kate Anderson & Elyssa Samsel (“Olaf’s Frozen Adventure”) and Brent Knopf (“Bob’s Burgers”) serve as the show’s composers and writers, while musical arrangements are created by the music production team, including executive music producer Frank Ciampi (“Alien News Desk,” “Crazy Ex-Girlfriend”), music supervisor Patrick Dacey (“Bob’s Burgers”) and music editor Tim Dacey (“Bob’s Burgers”).

Guest songwriters broken down by episode and artists:

Episode 101 “Poops I’ll Pick It Up” – Steven Davis, Nora Smith, Loren Bouchard

Episode 102 “Weirdos Make Great Superheroes” – Sara Bareilles

Episode 103 “The Park is Mine” – Rafael Casal and Utkarsh Ambudkar

Episode 104 “Garage Ballet” – Cyndi Lauper and William Wittman “Rats” – Cyndi Lauper and Teddy Sinclair

Episode 105 “Spoiler Alert” – Alan Menken and Glenn Slater

Episode 106 “First Class Hands” – Darren Criss

Episode 107 “Big Deal” – Aimee Mann

Episode 108 “I’m In A Perfect Relationship” – Meghan Trainor

Episode 109 “Live it Up Tonight” – Anthony Hamilton and Charles Holloman

Episode 110 “New York Doesn’t Like Your Face” – Fiona Apple and David Lucky

In addition to the original songs by the guest songwriters, there are also several tunes in each episode written by the show composers.

Beginning today, fans can visit a dedicated “Central Park” destination on Apple Music at Apple.co/CentralParkMusic for music-driven content from the series including cast-curated playlists, interviews and more. Each week, a lyric video for catchy tunes like “Own It,” which is featured in episode 101 and written by composers Kate Anderson & Elyssa Samsel, Sara Bareilles’ “Weirdos Make Great Superheroes,” Cyndi Lauper’s “Rats,” and Meghan Trainor’s “I’m in a Perfect Relationship,” will be available to coincide with the episode’s debut on Apple TV+.

ABOUT “CENTRAL PARK” “Central Park” follows the Tillermans, a family that lives in Central Park. Owen, the park manager, and Paige, his journalist wife, raise their kids Molly and Cole in the world’s most famous park, while fending off hotel heiress Bitsy Brandenham and her long suffering assistant Helen, who would love nothing more than to turn the park into condos. The series voice cast includes Josh Gad, Leslie Odom, Jr., Kristen Bell, Kathryn Hahn, Tituss Burgess, Daveed Diggs and Stanley Tucci. The first two episodes of the new animated musical comedy series are available now on Apple TV+. New episodes will debut weekly on the streaming service.

“Central Park” is created, written and executive produced by Emmy Award-winner Loren Bouchard (“Bob’s Burgers”), alongside Grammy Award-winner Josh Gad (“Frozen”) and Emmy Award-winner Nora Smith (“Bob’s Burgers”). Sanjay Shah and Halsted Sullivan also serve as executive producers. The series hails from 20th Century Fox Television.

ABOUT APPLE TV+ Apple TV+ is available on the Apple TV app on iPhone, iPad, Apple TV, iPod touch, Mac, select Samsung and LG smart TVs, Amazon Fire TV and Roku devices, as well as at tv.apple.com, for $4.99 per month with a seven-day free trial. The Apple TV app will be available on Sony and VIZIO smart TVs later this year. For a limited time, customers who purchase a new iPhone, iPad, Apple TV, Mac or iPod touch can enjoy one year of Apple TV+ for free. This special offer is good for three months after the first activation of the eligible device.

FOR MORE INFORMATION: “Central Park” homepage: apple.co/-centralpark Follow @AppleTV on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/centralparkofficial/ Follow @AppleTV on Twitter: https://twitter.com/AppleTV More from Apple TV+ #CentralParkTV

CENTRAL PARK – Apple Music Release Apple’s Animated Musical Comedy Series “Central Park” Features All-Star Lineup of Guest Songwriters, Including Grammy, Oscar and Tony-Winning Artists Sara Bareilles, Meghan Trainor, Anthony Hamilton, Fiona Apple, Cyndi Lauper, Glenn Slater and Alan Menken, Among Others.

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wildlyhardphilosopher-blog · 6 years

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potty training in 3 days carol cline | training a puppy not to bark

New Post has been published on https://dogtraining.dknol.com/english/potty-training-in-3-days-carol-cline-training-a-puppy-not-to-bark/?utm_source=Tumblr&utm_medium=Tumblr+%230+Freda+K+Pless&utm_campaign=SNAP%2Bfrom%2BBest+Dog+Training

potty training in 3 days carol cline | training a puppy not to bark

Supply Chain Transparency Google February 13, 2018 With a Canine Dimensions Certified Dog Trainer Near You Celebrate and reward when your pup potties in the correct location. The affirmation and reward must come immediately after they’ve finished going. If you wait until you return to the house to celebrate and reward them, your puppy won’t understand why they’re being praised. How to Train a Dog to Go Potty When You Take Him for a Walk Popular Dog Training Products Shop All Yes No Greeting Also, you must consider how long to leave your puppy in the crate. Never leave your puppy in a crate for longer than two hours. If your puppy is a small breed, then leave it in the crate for an even shorter time. Remember, a small dog has a small bladder. How to Train a Puppy Not to Bite Buy a Puppy Join Our Newsletter Everything you Need to Know About Dog Shedding Search the site… LTHQ May 18, 2015 at 1:09 pm Dogs don’t like to lay near their waste, so if your crate is only large enough for your pup to comfortably lie down, stand up and turn around in, they’re unlikely to have an accident inside. Don’t use your crate for longer than three hours at a time during the day, and even less than that if your puppy is very young. As Seen On Puppy Behavior Basics AdChoices Contest Rules Our systems have detected unusual traffic from your computer network. Please try your request again later. Why did this happen? Diane 3. Give your dog at least six bathroom breaks daily. Thorpe warns dog owners that training is a lifelong process and some dogs take longer to learn than others. Martinez Investing Your puppy will quickly understand that this kind of behaviour is wrong. Doggy Daycare How To Cope with the Loss of Your Dog There is nothing you can do. No two puppies are the same. Some will be able to last the whole night without a potty break at 10 weeks (rarely), and some may not be able to at 15 weeks (also rarely). OneTigris (2) Virtual Tour Platinum Rewards! The information contained in this website is for illustrative purposes only and coverage under any pet insurance policy is expressly subject to the conditions, restrictions, limitations, exclusions and terms of the policy documentation issued by the insurer. Availability of this program is subject to each state’s approval and coverage may vary by state. Pet insurance policies are underwritten by Markel American Insurance Company and administered by Figo Pet Insurance , LLC. Markel American Insurance Company is rated A (Excellent) A.M. Best (2015). Put a disposable puppy pad, also known as a wee-wee pad, in a corner of the kitchen or laundry room. Being in an apartment means you can’t always take your dog outside immediately when you notice his warning signals. The top layer of the puppy pad is an absorbent material with a scent that attracts dogs. The bottom of the pad has a waterproof lining that makes cleaning easy and efficient. The pad must be the first thing your dog’s feet touch in the morning so that he gets used to relieving himself on the pad, and no place else.

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fbq('track', 'ViewContent', content_ids: 'dogtraining.dknol', ); Oakland Montclair control the diet Milk-Bone When they do poop outside, leave the most recent poop in place to encourage your dog to go again in that area. Previous Article Labrador Puppies Articles Choosing the right kitten food Clothes & Costumes Jokes Puppy Manners Jen Gabbard says 1455 Resource Guarding Ease of use: On a scale of 1 to 5, I give it a 2. Customer images Get Your Dog to Automatically Sit with These 6 Steps of songs Amazon Drive Scratching ALERT Pet Bird Food Treats Wild Bird Food At the very least, jumping is a nuisance and at worst, can be harmful, especially to children and the elderly. Break this bad habit! …read more Spaniels & Flushing Breeds Day 3 You can help your puppy learn to stop whining by not g,oing to him when he whines. By ignoring your puppy, and only giving him attention and praise when he stops whining, he’ll learn that whining and whimperig is not the way to earn your approval. Start your puppy out right and learn the basics of being an awesome pet parent. S.T.A.R. stands for socialization, training, activity, and responsibility, and this program follows the American Kennel Club program while laying a strong foundation. Basic training activities include the name game and loose leash walking, and puppies will work on these commands: sit, down, drop it, give, wait, and follow me. Your puppy will gain socialization skills with other puppies and people, and we’ll introduce puppies in a positive way to everyday objects they may encounter. We’ll discuss housebreaking, crate training, safe toys, and ideas to keep the puppy busy. The class ends with the S.T.A.R. Puppy Test and the pet parent’s Responsible Puppy Pledge. Not cleaning with appropriate products BAT Clinic Warning — some viewers may find the above video disturbing. Part Like PageLiked 57619 Set a watch alarm or timer to remind you of potty breaks. Find a Trainer Near You This is where all your hard house training work starts to really pay off and you can start to really stretch out the gaps between toilet breaks, and to introduce your puppy to the rest of your home. Practice loose-leash walking Michelle If your dog has an accident, says Dr. Burch, don’t make a fuss, just clean up the mess. A cleaner that also kills odors will remove the scent so the dog will not use it in the future. Blot up liquid on the carpet before cleaning the rug. Pet Safety & Injury Prevention $13.75 Local News Search: Search You also may want to take him out after chewing on a bone or a toy. Old English Sheepdog Using an alarm 0 items Lie down – and stay lying down for up to 30 minutes. If you comfort your puppy whenever he whines, it may actually make things worse. It will make your puppy think he’s being praised for whining, and get him into the habit of repeating it for your affection. Make a Vehicle Donation The previous 10 articles contain a wealth of supporting information that answer many of the most common house training questions and provide the knowledge for you to make informed decisions on the method and style of potty training you will follow. Submitted by coteblanche on Sat, 2009/12/12 – 5:44pm. Doggie Don’t (1) The best dog food ↑ https://www.aspca.org/pet-care/virtual-pet-behaviorist/dog-behavior/using-taste-deterrents german shepherd puppy training | potty training dogs outside german shepherd puppy training | potty training a dog in an apartment german shepherd puppy training | potty training for dogs in 7 days Legal | Sitemap

#6 Dog Training Questions YOU Probably Don’t Know the Answer to...#How To Potty Train Your Dog

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ssteezyy · 7 years

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Ivory Tickling (or, How to Induce a Massive Pianic Attack)

How many email accounts do you have? Because I have enough to choke six horses. And the passwords they rode in on. I can’t keep up with them. I’m drowning in emails. And social media accounts. And texts.

Calgon! Take me awayyyyy! Do they even still make Calgon?

We are so much alike, you and I. Busy busy busy, working ourselves up into anxious blobs of lather. I mean, what are we doing with our lives?! Let’s make a promise to ourselves that we will calm the hell down and focus on what life is really about: peace, love and chocolate lava cakes, am I right???

Until two days ago, I had never been to the Harris Center in Folsom and holy smokes, it’s gorgeous. Acoustically gorgeous, anyway, all curved panels from floor to ceiling to diffuse unwanted sound waves and whatever other sound design terminology my husband was craning his neck to see and going on about before the Jim Brickman Joyful Christmas concert started.

Oh! And speaking of Jim Brickman, I met him before the show. (By the way, in order to avoid getting arrested by the blogging police, I must disclose that I received complimentary tickets and a CD/DVD.)

I thought of questions to ask him just for you guys, and I didn’t want to ask anything stupid, like, “Where do you get your inspiration?”, because I hear artists hate that question. And I didn’t want to ask, “So what’s it like working with [Five for Fighting/Martina McBride/Kermit the Frog/etc.]”. Because, BORRRRRRING!!! Everyone has asked him that already.

I walk up to him, say hello, and put out my hand which he shakes. Crap! Should I not have done that? I mean, he’s a pianist for chrissakes! His hands are his bread and butter. He is like a brain surgeon for hammers and strings. He can’t be shaking a bunch of hands before a concert! What if I had a vice-like grip? What was I thinking???

Great, so I’m off to a wonderful start. How much time do I have? Oh jeez, there’s a line behind me. My heart begins to race and my well-thought out plan explodes like a pressurized can of snakes. What should I ask, what should I ask, what should I ask?

Do I go for funny? Is he in a funny mood? Or is he in some pre-concert headspace? Should I be serious like some professional? Do I ask just one question? Can I get away with two?

My husband is off to the side capturing it all on my cell phone. But do I take even half a second to introduce him? No. Because I am the Hillary Swank of bloggers. So that would be faux pas #2.

I introduce myself and surprisingly he says, “Yes. You have a blog.”

I have a blog! He knows I have a blog! Woo hoo! I tell him the name of my blog because:

A. sometimes people laugh when I say it out loud, and

B. when I put a goat in his hands later, it will make at least a modicum of sense later. Maybe.

So what do you ask a multi-platinum artist who has collaborated with the likes of Kenny Rogers and Carly Simon, has no doubt agreed to thousands of interviews, and has been asked every question in the Universal Journalism Interview database? Plus, he has no idea who you are and for all he knows, you’re some weirdo blogger who has come to create an excruciatingly awkward moment 30 minutes before he takes the stage.

“Do you know who Puddles Pity Party is?” I hear myself blurt out.

“No,” he says.

Dang. What a stupid question. I feel like the idiot who has already blown her first wish with the genie asking for a million bucks only to have many, many, herds of deer suddenly show up on my lawn. Why would he know who Puddles Pity Party is, anyway? He’s a songwriter/pianist/radio show host. Not a whole lot in common with a clown who covers pop songs. Ugh.

I want to make some absurd remark (because once I get rolling on the awkward bus, I like to ride it to the end of the line) about how he must have ladies throwing their underwear on stage because, he is a bit on the attractive side, and I’d heard he had a loyal following of women of a certain age so, you know, it could be a compliment and humorous, killing two birds with one stone sort of thing.

And speaking of female fans, I would like to coin a phrase right here, right now:

Brick Chicks.

You know how Chris Pine has his Pine Nuts? And Benedict Cumberbatch has his Cumber Bitches? Jim Brickman now has Brick Chicks, thanks to me.

But I probably shouldn’t say anything about panties on stage here at the meet & greet. I don’t want to get kicked off the bus before it even pulls away from the curb.

“So, um, I hear your biggest demographic is middle-aged women?” Don’t say panties on stage. Don’t say panties on stage. Don’t say panties on stage.

“No,” he says, “actually my audience is varied.”

Dang. Well of course it’s varied. Weddings all over the world incorporate his music. He’s America’s Most Romantic Pianist in the World. Couples make babies with him playing softly in the background. Massage therapists create tranquil atmospheres in low-lit, incense-filled rooms. About a bazillion young aspiring musicians want to learn how to play like him.

Me trying not to say “panties on stage” to Jim Brickman.

Now I feel like the idiot who has blown her second wish asking the genie to take away all the deer (who are now eating all the acorns and pooping everywhere).

I’ve lost count of the faux pas by now. I feel the people behind me sending their “ok-lady-wrap-it-up” vibes, so I desperately try for one last attempt at journalism.

“So, do you receive a lot of gifts from fans?”

“Yes,” he says.

Yay! A Yes! Woo hoo! Now follow it up! Don’t be stupid! Don’t say panties on stage!

“What’s the craziest gift you ever got?”

He didn’t even hesitate. “A live dove.”

I decide to quit on a positive note and introduce him to Lacy, the Nanny Goats in Panties mascot. And I ask if he will hold her while I get a photo with him. No risk of hand injury since she’s plush. Plus I’ve told everyone I know on social media that this was my goal for the evening. And thank the ebony and ivory gods, he said yes again.

Then out in the lobby, I meet Reggie. A REAL Jim Brickman fan. Like a for-the-last-twenty-plus-years Jim Brickman fan. He may even have Brickmania, if I can coin another phrase.

When Reggie heard Brickman’s “The Gift” in 1997, it so resonated with him that he ran out and bought the sheet music so he could play it himself (for me it was “Rainbow Connection”, but we aren’t talking about me right now, are we.) And then when Brickman’s next album came out, Reggie bought the sheet music for that. And Brickman kept making albums and Reggie kept buying sheet music. Reggie has been to at least eight Jim Brickman concerts.

“I’ve read his book,” Reggie told me, “and I believe in what he says about how stress is such a big deal in our society. It’s through his music that I find peace and comfort.”

Playing Brickman’s music is like therapy for him. It helps him relax. And he spreads the Brickman gospel to all his friends who will listen. He got a bunch of stuff signed at the Meet & Greet.

“But I’m going to give them as gifts,” he said.

He plans to send them to friends and other aspiring piano players because he believes the music should be shared and hopes it inspires others the way it inspired him.

The way “The Gift” inspired him twenty-one years ago. (See what I did there? He’s sharing gifts? Jim Brickman has a song called The Gift? It’s a whole play on words…oh never mind)

Me and Reggie

Anyway, the concert was awesome to say the least. Brickman’s banter between songs is my kinda witty and none of that overacting garbage. Nice and subtle. And his performance was energetic yet intimate. And his talking voice is different, lower, than his singing voice. Like Barry White one minute, Adam Levine the next. And his solo dueling pianos bit? You have to see it to appreciate it.

I’d tell you more, but I’m already blowing surprises that were part of the enjoyment for me and I’d smack you if you had told me this ahead of time.

His next tour kicks off this month in Hawaii. You can track down his whereabouts on the Jim Brickman Tour Page.

Or check out his Joyful Christmas CD/DVD. He has released approximately eleventy million CDs, but maybe you can start with “The Gift”, like Reggie did and be struck by some Brickmania of your own.

Then draw yourself a Calgon bath, pop on some Jim Brickman and breathe.

This one’s mine. Get yer own!

The post Ivory Tickling (or, How to Induce a Massive Pianic Attack) appeared first on Nanny Goats in Panties.

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oceansofhappiness · 7 years

Text

Ivory Tickling (or, How to Induce a Massive Pianic Attack)

Calgon! Take me awayyyyy! Do they even still make Calgon?

Do I go for funny? Is he in a funny mood? Or is he in some pre-concert headspace? Should I be serious like some professional? Do I ask just one question? Can I get away with two?

My husband is off to the side capturing it all on my cell phone. But do I take even half a second to introduce him? No. Because I am the Hillary Swank of bloggers. So that would be faux pas #2.

I introduce myself and surprisingly he says, “Yes. You have a blog.”

I have a blog! He knows I have a blog! Woo hoo! I tell him the name of my blog because:

A. sometimes people laugh when I say it out loud, and

B. when I put a goat in his hands later, it will make at least a modicum of sense later. Maybe.

“Do you know who Puddles Pity Party is?” I hear myself blurt out.

“No,” he says.

And speaking of female fans, I would like to coin a phrase right here, right now:

Brick Chicks.

You know how Chris Pine has his Pine Nuts? And Benedict Cumberbatch has his Cumber Bitches? Jim Brickman now has Brick Chicks, thanks to me.

But I probably shouldn’t say anything about panties on stage here at the meet & greet. I don’t want to get kicked off the bus before it even pulls away from the curb.

“So, um, I hear your biggest demographic is middle-aged women?” Don’t say panties on stage. Don’t say panties on stage. Don’t say panties on stage.

“No,” he says, “actually my audience is varied.”

Me trying not to say “panties on stage” to Jim Brickman.

Now I feel like the idiot who has blown her second wish asking the genie to take away all the deer (who are now eating all the acorns and pooping everywhere).

I’ve lost count of the faux pas by now. I feel the people behind me sending their “ok-lady-wrap-it-up” vibes, so I desperately try for one last attempt at journalism.

“So, do you receive a lot of gifts from fans?”

“Yes,” he says.

Yay! A Yes! Woo hoo! Now follow it up! Don’t be stupid! Don’t say panties on stage!

“What’s the craziest gift you ever got?”

He didn’t even hesitate. “A live dove.”

Then out in the lobby, I meet Reggie. A REAL Jim Brickman fan. Like a for-the-last-twenty-plus-years Jim Brickman fan. He may even have Brickmania, if I can coin another phrase.

“I’ve read his book,” Reggie told me, “and I believe in what he says about how stress is such a big deal in our society. It’s through his music that I find peace and comfort.”

Playing Brickman’s music is like therapy for him. It helps him relax. And he spreads the Brickman gospel to all his friends who will listen. He got a bunch of stuff signed at the Meet & Greet.

“But I’m going to give them as gifts,” he said.

He plans to send them to friends and other aspiring piano players because he believes the music should be shared and hopes it inspires others the way it inspired him.

The way “The Gift” inspired him twenty-one years ago. (See what I did there? He’s sharing gifts? Jim Brickman has a song called The Gift? It’s a whole play on words…oh never mind)

Me and Reggie

I’d tell you more, but I’m already blowing surprises that were part of the enjoyment for me and I’d smack you if you had told me this ahead of time.

His next tour kicks off this month in Hawaii. You can track down his whereabouts on the Jim Brickman Tour Page.

Then draw yourself a Calgon bath, pop on some Jim Brickman and breathe.

This one’s mine. Get yer own!

The post Ivory Tickling (or, How to Induce a Massive Pianic Attack) appeared first on Nanny Goats in Panties.

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serg55773 · 7 years

Text

$50, $100, $150 Unused Cards

New Post has been published on https://www.music-chat.ru/50-100-150-unused-cards/

$50, $100, $150 Unused Cards

$50, $100, $150 Cards:

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flauntpage · 7 years

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The Immortal Life of John Tesh's NBA Anthem "Roundball Rock"

There's cowbell in "Roundball Rock," which I'd never noticed. You can hear it thonking along metronomically under the hyperactive arpeggiating strings and swelling synthesizers. The version I listened to is just one minute and nine seconds long, and I had come to believe that I knew every bright corner of it. This is not because I have spent much time listening to the song on purpose, because I have not. It's because I have never had to seek it out.

Whenever there was a NBA game on NBC between 1991 and 2002, some edit of "Roundball Rock" was played before the game and at the half and wherever else it would fit; in all, it was played more than 12,000 times during the 12-year period in which it was NBC's NBA theme song, which breaks down to something like 20 times per game. It became so ubiquitous during this period that it is easy to forget that "Roundball Rock" is no longer the NBA's theme song, and in fact has not been since George W. Bush's first term in office.

When the rights to broadcast NBA games transferred to ABC before the 2002-03 season, John Tesh—the leonine new age music composer and former Entertainment Tonight host who wrote the song—offered "Roundball Rock" to the network. They declined, and replaced it with a song called "Fast Break," which was composed by Non-Stop Music; the official YouTube upload of that song, from 2012, has been viewed more than 114,000 times, which is pretty impressive given how easy it is to hear it during basketball season. It is also not in the same universe as its predecessor.

There is a video of Tesh performing "Roundball Rock" in concert that was uploaded four years earlier, by Tesh's official account. The only word to describe this version of the song is "extravagant." Pacing the stage before a rapt crowd, Tesh pushes play on the first of two answering machine messages that he left for himself in July of 1990, when he was in the French city of Pau covering the Tour de France. The first message he left was "Roundball Rock"'s chorus, as Tesh told ESPN's Darren Rovell in 2002. In a second message, 30 minutes later, he scatted the verse.

In the video, Tesh is towering and lushly goateed and wears a glittering silver vest with seven buttons on it; he introduces the performance of the song by miming dribbling a basketball. A large corps of musicians, including a full string section, launch into an expansive version of the original; it features both a guitar solo, complete with Surprised At How Hot These Licks Are faces from the soloist, and some violin filigrees courtesy of a gamboling fiddler in an epaulet-adorned Napoleon-style coat. When I watched the video of this performance earlier this week, it was the 1,435,747th time someone pressed play on it.

Tesh's website mentions that he "claims that he made in the six figures from royalties each year it was used." It further mentions that Nelly sampled the song for "Heart Of A Champion," the first song on the Sweat half of Nelly's 2004 double album Sweat/Suit; because Tesh owns the song's copyright and publishing, he presumably made some money on that, too. (It does not mention that it has also been sampled by Ras Kass for a song called "NBA" or been subjected to three-and-a-half minute onslaught of NBA-related punchlines by Joe Budden.) Tesh has made the song available as a free download, and that 69-second version is the one that Tesh recorded on spec and sent to NBC executives. He paid an orchestra $15,000 to record it, sent the demo to NBC under an assumed name, and worked out a deal with the network that paid him a fee every single time the song was used. "Every five seconds—into commercials, out of commercials," Tesh told the Wall Street Journal's Jason Gay in 2011. "It definitely put one of my kids through college." Tesh told Rovell back in 2002 that he had offered the song to ABC for use on its broadcasts. "I'm also perfectly happy to sell it to the NBA if they want it," Tesh said.

None of that happened, which means that 15 years after it was last played during a NBA broadcast, the only place you can hear "Roundball Rock" is everywhere—in your head whenever you watch a NBA broadcast, echoing around the online spaces where basketball weirdos gather, in the collective memory of a generation that grew up associating the song with the experience of watching basketball on television. When I looked up the jazzy latin alternate version of the current ABC/ESPN theme, I had the strange experience of realizing that, despite having heard that rendition what now must be hundreds of times during NBA broadcasts, I had also somehow never heard it before. Every time I had heard it, something in my brain took it upon itself to remedy what it perceived as an oversight, and so simply plugged in "Roundball Rock." Tesh's song is vexingly catchy with marimba and horns, too, if you were wondering. Maybe you've heard it, too.

John Tesh sent me a link to a video and asked me not to share it. I can describe it, and so can tell you that it opens with a classic YouTube establishing shot: pallid indoor lighting, anonymous suburban paint job, a bespectacled man in a black-and-white windbreaker seated at a Yamaha piano. The man tears into the beginning of "Roundball Rock" and then gives way to another recognizable YouTube shot—wood floors, larger piano and better light, a man with a duckling's fluffy quiff—and then another keyboard, and then another. Then two bearded guys play it on electric guitars and a man in plaid shorts picks it up from there on a ukelele, and so on and on. Someone with an acoustic guitar explains how to play the song, to camera, as a graphic with the corresponding guitar appear behind him in a homemade graphic. That last one is Tesh's favorite part.

When he performs live, which Tesh still does 25 to 30 times per year at venues tending towards your larger casino-based performance spaces, he projects that video plays as a sort of introduction. "I wanted to do kind of a Storytellers thing, sort of inside the music, and I said let's bring projection with us, because we have a team of editors," he told me. "So I said 'why don't you search YouTube, just search for the song' and it turns out there's hundreds of people learning to play the song. I was ... this is crazy." At his shows, Tesh generally uses "Roundball Rock" as an encore. "When we play the song, at the end of our concerts, that's when the guys in the audience that have been dragged to a John Tesh concert by their wives or girlfriends, they're like 'holy crap, you did this?'" he said. "That's really fun for me."

If you know what Tesh looks like, it is probably either because of the decade he spent hosting Entertainment Tonight between 1986 and 1996 or because of his still-ubiquitous Live From Red Rocks PBS special, from 1995; the accompanying album, in which Tesh performs with the Denver Symphony Orchestra, went platinum several times over. His career sprawls across decades before and after that, and continues still—he presides over a rather startlingly vast multi-platform empire today, which includes a daily radio show that's on 300 stations in the United States and Canada, a weekly television show that's on 174 stations, and a podcast that he does with his wife and her adult son from a previous marriage. He is still making records and generally doing more or less what he wants. Everything except the albums comes from a studio that he built into his home. "We gave up on Los Angeles traffic," he told me. "And we got 15 hours of our lives back. We just took all that gas money and put it into building a studio."

All of which is to say that Tesh has had a fantastically successful career—a happy marriage and kids and grandkids, a successful run as a journalist and a lucrative stint as a host on Entertainment Tonight and millions of records sold as a New Age recording artist, which was always what mattered most to him. All of which is true, and all of which cannot be said without mentioning that Tesh has also spent much of his public life as a big, earnest, good-looking guy learning how to live with being a punchline. His albums have been hugely popular, but his records filed under the most readily mocked musical genre that exists; he is as recognizable as anyone in American life, but it's at least in part because he used to tell millions of Entertainment Tonight viewers that it was Dabney Coleman's birthday, whenever it was Dabney Coleman's birthday.

Tesh, at least as far as I could tell, is extremely cool with all this, and with the strange-but-habitable shape into which his fame has shaped his life. "Triumph [The Insult Comic Dog] came to my house, or my quote-unquote house, in Los Angeles, in one of those TMZ-style tour buses," Tesh told me. "And he's yelling, with a megaphone of course, out of the bus. And I peek my head out of the house and he goes, ' Teshy, Teshy, come out, come out.' And I say 'Triumph what do you want?' and he says 'I want you to stop playing that crappy music.' And then I got on the tour bus and he started humping everybody and it was very uncomfortable." The important things to know about how Tesh told this story is that his Triumph imitation was both extremely enthusiastic and pretty on-point, and that he laughed a big happy basso laugh at the end of it.

All of this is strange, but also this is Tesh's life: he has been successful and become famous in every field he ever endeavored to enter, and yet he is still someone Triumph does not hesitate to poop on. The strangest part of this supremely strange and strangely familiar Real Hollywood Story is that "Roundball Rock," which is almost certainly Tesh's most lasting contribution to the broader culture, is one that's not generally associated with him. It couldn't be any other way. Even people lucky and talented enough to get what they want in life never quite get it the way they imagine. No one ever gets in through the front door.

When Tesh came up with the founding theme for "Roundball Rock" he was spending most of his day in a van filled with synthesizers as an employee of CBS Sports. "I worked in local news for many years, in Orlando and Nashville and then in Manhattan at WCBS as a local news reporter," Tesh told me. "And then I got hired as what's called an anthology sports reporter—none of the basketball or baseball, but the downhill skiing and the figure skating and Mr. Universe. And I was assigned to the Tour de France and that's where the producer, David Michaels, who's Al Michaels' brother, he said 'let's do this MTV style.'"

What that meant, for Tesh, was more work. He would be not only writing about what happened on the Tour that day, but composing a soundtrack for the footage illustrating it; Michaels edited that footage, and then Tesh wrote and read his own narration over a musical score he composed more or less on the fly. "It was a truly collaborative process, but what happens with editing video like that—and you can see anybody like Hans Zimmer doing this, too, and doing a much better job of it—but you can't just write a song," Tesh told me. "It's odd time signatures, and it's more like colors than anything else. Deep Moog synthesizers when people are climbing up a mountain and really high-speed arpeggiators when they're descending at 60, 70 miles an hour. So what I would do, for two months before we'd even go to the Tour de France, I would write out little canvas pieces, 'I know I'm going to need this, I know I'm going to need that,' but I wouldn't set the tempos. I wouldn't commit it to anything except being in the computer. So then when I saw that, I could pull that out and adjust it so it would fit."

This was more or less the approach that Tesh took to composing a theme for the NBA on NBC. He had some ideas, which he sang into his answering machine from a hotel room in the small hours of the morning, and by now you know what those sound like. He knew, he says, because he was plugged into the broader sports media scene, that NBC was looking for a theme. He knew enough to not just record the theme but also to sync it to video. "In order for the guys at the network to buy in, you can't have them imagine it," he said. "So I edited together on VHS tape like 20 fast breaks, from the Bulls and the Lakers. And I would play the theme that I had, the rough theme, over that footage. Just to see, you know, how it worked. When I sent it to NBC, I sent them a copy of the VHS and also a copy of the mixed song, so they could see it with video. You want to remove any chance for imagination or work from people who are judging that kind of stuff. So I made sure it was the right tempo, so they didn't have to imagine it was 134 beats per minute, which is the tempo of a Michael Jordan fastbreak—I put it at that tempo. And then I re-edited the footage so it looked like it was already in the show."

Tesh also knew enough to submit the theme under an assumed name, because he already understood the gap between what he wanted to do and how he was perceived: "The guy that reads the celebrity birthdays on television isn't going to be writing our sports themes, you know? It ended up getting judged on its own merits, but definitely being a TV host stood in my way." What Tesh calls "renaissance-ing" was still anomalous in the business at that time, but also he was already figuring out how to be serious about his work even when precious few took him seriously in the way he wanted to be taken seriously.

No one has quite cracked the musicological science behind earworms, which is reassuring given how many steel-trap minds and proprietary algorithms have doubtless been loosed in pursuit of this answer. There was a CBS theme for NBA broadcasts that existed before Tesh's, and there is the Non-Stop Music theme that has now outlived his. In 2010, the classical conductor Marc Williams told ESPN's Kevin Arnovitz that he much preferred the old CBS theme to Tesh's, which he described as "'90s music with adrenaline," but ultimately "a one-trick pony."

I am not qualified to say whether Williams is right or wrong about any of this, although as I have already admitted the extent to which "Roundball Rock" has homesteaded my unconscious, I would probably have to recuse myself even if I were. Tesh told me that when he offered the song to ABC, he was told that the network wanted to go its own way, to avoid reminding viewers of NBC. "Which I actually get, you know," he said. "But it's really not like the rest of the world works. Otherwise, why would people buy songs and put them in commercials, you know? You want to use the most recognizable theme, so people hear it and are like, 'oh, basketball is on.'"

A decade and a half after it was last heard on television, "Roundball Rock" still rings out in that way for several generations of basketball fans. Whether it deserves that, or how it came to earn it, is secondary to the fact of it. In a 2013 Saturday Night Live sketch—a discrete bit of it shows up in Tesh's Storytellers reel—Jason Sudeikis and Tim Robinson play John and Dave Tesh, and perform a version of the song with lyrics that are, mostly, "ba-ba-ba-bas-ket-ball/gimme-gimme-gimme the ball/because I'm gonna dunk it!" It's a funny bit, but it's funnier when you remember that, when it aired, it had been 11 years since anyone had heard Tesh's theme during an NBA game.

And yet, because it never left, NBA fans still hear it all the time. There are no plans on the part of any of the NBA's current broadcast partners to bring it back, and Tesh is busy enough that he has not pushed for a reunion. "I don't really wake up every morning thinking about it," Tesh told me. "But what I'd really like to do is maybe at the Finals, one time, if they asked me, I would love to come, just right at midcourt, maybe with an eight-piece string section or something like that, and just play the theme right after the national anthem. That would be a fun thing for me."

Maybe you, as I did, found that very easy to imagine. Maybe you, as I did, realized that you had, in some way, already been imagining it.

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The Immortal Life of John Tesh's NBA Anthem "Roundball Rock" published first on http://ift.tt/2pLTmlv

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