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#please answer this is imperitive
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Lamia Drama (Part 2)
See previous post for warnings and general info.
Credit for the lamia species (or at least the specific species, not lamia in general) goes to @vex-bittys
Keith decides to give this new girl a chance and introduces another lamia! DnD shall come whether Hux likes it or not. Coral boy is jealous.
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           Keith and Hux had just been talking DnD with each other when a girl with short, wavy blonde hair walked into the back. Keith’s flickering tongue caught the taste of sweat, dirt, and a variety of plants. Real plants, not like the fake trees, though he could identify some of the smells as the foliage they could keep here. His soul leaped in his chest, he could feel it immediately, they were meant to be.
           … According to who? Or what? Some bred in biological imperitive? It was just there to make him easier to adopt, right? But it felt real…
           No.
           He wasn’t going to leave Hux and the others behind. The woman didn’t seem to have even noticed anyways, so maybe he was just imagining it. Heck, he probably was. Then again, if anything was going to seduce him – something he felt was pretty impossible, he’d just never been interested – it’d probably be someone bringing their own books and homemade fucking cookies. Yes please. They smelled like chocolate and peanut butter – questionably healthy at best, but he’d take it!
           … He should probably answer the question, huh?
           “Yeah, nice to meet ya. Name’s Keith, I’m the DM,” Keith said, slithering down to her level.
           “So, you think you have what it takes to play with the big boys?” Hux said. “Heh. How’d you even find out about that?”
           “There was a sign,” the woman said. “My friends are busy with college stuff right now – I’m on break, doing work in a greenhouse and all – but my evenings are totally free. Kinda have to leave early though, have to be up before the sun. I love the job, but that part sucks.”
           Keith chuckled, “I feel you there.” He’d stay snuggled in a nesting mound half the day if you let him. What? Blankets are soft, and it’s not like he had to leave to read things. Beds and blankets make reading better if anything. Prime coziness.
           “I think you should look somewhere else,” Hux said. “We go until, like, two in the morning sometimes.”
           Before Keith could stop himself, he found himself saying, “Eh, we can end early for a little while. Or hey, maybe have a side campaign with you or something.”
           “What?!” Hux said, standing high as he could on his tail with his arms thrown out. “Dude! We’re halfway through Pipsqueak’s character arc or whatever! Can’t just push him aside…”
Pipsqueak was Trousle’s (a bitty Papython) mousefolk bard; he’d been looking for pieces of the Worldsong, a song that, once played, was supposed to give the musician power over all things. Pipsqueak had managed to get half of it and was facing down with Caterwaul, the Tabaxi bard, who had the other half. It was looking like Pipsqueak was questioning whether the song should be played by any. However it played out was going to be awesome, though it might or might not be the end of the campaign depending on how Trousle played it.
           Since when did Hux care so much about that though? He wasn’t exactly a roleplayer type…
           “I mean, if you guys are full or in the middle of something, I can just… not?” the woman said.
           “Nah, don’t mind Hux. It’s alright, uh… What’s your name?”
           “Oh! My bad. Call me Alex. You said it’s, uh… Key?”
           “Keith,” Hux said, unimpressed.
           “I am the actual worst at names,” Alex said, sighing.
           “Eh, it happens. But I bet we can work something out.”
           “We don’t need to work things out,” Hux grumbled, curling into a ball on the floor and sulking, hiding his skeleton half under a ball of black and red scales.
           Keith rolled his eyes. Hux never liked change and didn’t seem too fond of people. He was tolerant of the people running the place, but no one else. That said, it was no excuse to be a dick. “Hux, be nice. Sorry about him, he’ll warm up to ya. Why don’t I take you to meet the others? We can work something out. Not like we’re going anywhere…” And that was fine by him. Home was here with his own batch of misfits. “Get Liam, will ya Hux?”
           “Ugh, why do I have to?”
           “ ‘Cause you can never find Trousle.”
           “Why don’t I go looking for Oozy?”
           “I’ll bet you a week’s snacks that Oozy’s in his hammock.”
           Hux huffed and crossed his arms with an adorable blush on his face, flustered. He was, apparently, not willing to take that bet. As much as Keith liked to stay curled up all cozy, he had nothing on Oozy. It wouldn’t be the first time they had to carry him in the hammock to DnD night. Hecking cornies.
           “Thought so,” Keith said, chuckling. “I’ll go get Nikolai. Hope you don’t mind kiddos, Lex.”
           “Is Nikolai a kid?”
           “Nope,” Keith said. “Follow me.” He slithered past the jungle of fake plants, real plants, and various toys and hiding holes that made up the dim room he liked to call the “Chilling Room.” It was a little cool in here, but mostly he called it that ‘cause this area tended to be more quiet, lacking the toys and people-chairs that littered the rest of the back. Sometimes you just need a place to be a Snake and stalk your friends for a little while, or somewhere to just hide in a hole and listen to the same song until it was playing through your dreams in utter bliss. That second one seemed unique to him.
           “… I’m not gonna remember any of these names,” Alex whispered to herself. She stopped to pull some dead foliage from some of the plants, fingers working fast with practice. For a moment she paused then put a leaf in her mouth. “Stevia leaves the weirdest after taste. Not bad though. Also, why do you have stevia?”
           “Is that what that is? I think the Honeybos like to chew on it.”
           “Is that why they’re Honeybos? ‘Cause they’re full of sweet?”
           “I mean, maybe! Never bitten into one.”
           “Not even licked one?” Pause. “That’s a weird thing to ask, huh?”
           “I mean, I smell with that y’know. But some of them do smell kinda sweet.” He had the oddest urge to nibble a snake now. Logically he knew they were not just little slithering sweets, but a little voice in the back of his head whispered but what if they do taste like honey buns?
           Keith really hoped that voice wasn’t Alex’s. That’s just a weird thing to think. Even weirder if you aren’t a snake. “Do you stick a lot of random stuff in your mouth?”
           Alex kinda went quiet, staring at the floor, and Keith tried to stifle a laugh, stopping in his tracks to look at her behind him. “Oh my god. You have, haven’t you? What’s the weirdest thing?”
           “Probably either crickets, an agar plate – one of those things they grow bacteria on – or my salt lamp.”
           “Can confirm, those are salty.”
           “You too?”
           “Nope. But Trousle dared Liam to once and he swallowed the whole thing. We had to pull it out by the chord.”
           “That… That’s both amazing and dangerous.”
           Keith nodded, “Yep. Never dare a Mamba to do something unless you want to face the consequences.” Looking around, he brought out his phone and showed some pictures of Liam – a full sized Mamba – with light streaming from his mouth and tail as Hux and Nikolai (a King) tried desperately to pull the lamp out. Trousle was on the table, shouting encouragement but too small to actually help. “That’s why we’re not allowed to have salt lamps anymore.”
           Alex was snorting as she laughed, hand over her mouth and eyes crinkled behind glasses. “Oh my goodness. Reminds me of when I caught a baby rabbit and found out they can scream. I almost dropped it.”
           “Oh no!”
           “It tried to escape! But I caught it midair. And then it just stared at me, judging. Relatedly, gardening gloves have multiple uses. One of them is bunny catching. They have claws and will kick the shit out of you.”
           He’s tempted to mention that’s why he just eats them, but gets the feeling that won’t go over well. Since when does he care? He’s a snake, she should know this. It’s natural.
           “You like cute? C’mon,” Keith said. It was a short slither to the very back room. Alex stopped, staring at the “Staff Only” sign, but Keith gently tugged her through, “It’s fine.” The door opened up to a humid room with multiple little lamps scattered over eggs and newborns. The nursery. They were greeted with a variety of hisses and chirps from little baby snakes and a much louder hiss from Nikolai. The King’s hood flared upon seeing the stranger and he stood as tall as he could, clutching three squirming baby Pygmy (full sized, but still so small) to his chest protectively.
           Alex froze up, face going blank as she stared at the sight of King’s hood and fangs, venom dripping from them. Maybe Keith should’ve warned Nikolai first, but better late than never?
           “Alex, this is Nikolai. The most broody bastard you’ll ever meet. Nikolai, Alex. She wants to play DnD. And probably to also hold some kiddos, but who am I to judge?”
           Nikolai narrowed his eyes, somehow keeping hold of the Pygmy as all three attempted to go in different directions, unfazed by one of them trying to put his hands in Nikolai’s eyesockets. “Keith. We need to talk.”
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swamp-spirit · 4 years
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So! A lot of people have trouble with fic summaries, and, to be honest, a lot of fanfics lose me at the summary, so I thought I'd offer my (biased by my personal taste) tips. Fic is for fun, so if you're not worried about it, don't, but if you're looking to bring in readers, a good sumary is your first date.
The type of summary you need is based on genre. A 40K drama has different needs than a 1K fluff.
But, in my opinion, here's the basic ingredients of a summary:
WHAT A SUMMARY SHOULD TELL ME
What type of fic is this?
Fluffy, steamy, horrific? The summary should set the tone. I don't want to see plot summaries about A and B's complex emotional tension when the tags make it clear it's all smut (or vice-versa). Your summary should give me a good idea what kind of tone you're setting.
What is this fic about?
This seems like it should be the basic of any summary, but I'm amazed how many fics miss it. You don't need to summarize the entire plot, but give me the basics of who is there and what sort of thing they're doing. Don't make me go to the tags to get the most basic details Word definition summaries and quote summaries are a common “okay, but what is this fic actually about”, but even things that try and touch on plot... don't. Think the statement paragraphs you probably had to use for essays. There are a whole lot of ways to say a lot without actually saying anything.
'A tries to save the world, but everyone tries to stop them' – What is A trying to do? Who's trying to stop them? How?
Again, this might not mean getting into details. For example, “A joins the school, but things aren't what they seem” sets a bit of a tone, but “A joins the school, but the teachers seem to be hiding something. Why won't anybody talk about the missing student?” pulls me in more.
For a fluff, this might be as simple as “A and B get groceries and run into an old friend from school”
What makes it special?
Big fandoms tend to have trends. Criminal AU or Coffeshop AU, it's often safe to assume your reader has already read 20. Your summary should make yours stand out. There are some bad ways to do this (see 'breaking the 4th wall' below), but put something in the summary that shows your special flavor.
Imagine your reader has read twenty 'A and B work in a coffeeshop' fics. They are probably happy to read 20 more, but if your summary just gives that, you'll look like a watered down version of something they've already read.
Like adding a little pop of color to a dull outfit, this doesn't need to be a plot shattering twist. The little details can make all the difference. Is B working at a coffeeshop to pay their way through beauty school, or do they hope to own the cafe someday? Is it a soulless churn of a job, or a friendly local atmosphere?
What's the hook?
1K fluff is exempt, but this is one of the biggest things a lot of summaries miss for me.
What is the tension? What are the obstacles? This is part of what gets your reader in. How will they defeat the giant lizard beast without their weapons? How do they convince their warring kingdoms to let them marry? How can they learn to love themselves when the world around them treats them like trash? And why in the world is their soulmate tattoo a squid crushing a watermelon?
SOME THINGS NOT TO DO (in my opinion)
“Basically”
Starting your summary off with a nervous conversational filler is not a strong way to go.
Typos
You already know typos are bad. As a reader, I'm actually pretty chill about typos, but the summary is your chance to pull me in. If it's riddled with obvious typos, it gives me two warnings A) This fic might be unreadable B) This author hasn't put in much effort
If you're like me, it can be hard to find typos in your own work, so I recommend showing it to a friend. If you're writing in your second language, ask a native speaker to take a look. Summaries are short, so it's a smaller ask than looking for a beta, and it can really make a difference.
Apologies
“I'm not very good at summaries” is a pretty famous way to tell your readers not to read your fic. Even if the fic really is amazing, almost nobody is going to take your word for it, and a bad summary will always get more eyes than just telling people summaries are too hard. (Not to say you should never complain about summaries being hard. They are. Just don't do it in your summary)
I understand the anxious impulse to warn the reader so they won't laugh at you, but hold is back. No “B might be kinda OOC”. Definetly no “this isn't very good, I'm sorry”. I'd even avoid “this is my first fic/fic in this fandom/long fic, please be nice”, at least in your summary. This is your pitch to the reader! Don't start it trying to lower their expectations!
On the flipside, your summary is also a bad place to get aggressive with potential haters.
And no, don't shuffle your apologies to your tags either.
Breaking the 4th wall
I 100% violate this in one of my fic summaries, shhhh, but keep the summary about the story, not the kind of stuff you'd talk about in an author interview. This includes
-What inspired you (“based on a dream I had”, “based on an RP”, “wrote this while bored”) Exception: It can be good to nod what works your fic is based on -Your various beefs with canon and other fics (“made this character less of a wimp”, “wrote this because not enough people ship it”)
Ending questions
This is the most personal taste thing, but I tend to find a lot of “end on a question types” really cheesy, especially when it's an easily answered question. Questions should pose the mysteries and struggles of the story, not read like a clickbait headline. Here's some examples by genre.
Romance -
Makes me read - “What future is there for a spaceship in love with it's pilot?” Makes me skip - “Will they be able to find love?”
Makes me read - “Why does nobody else seem to see the ticking box on floor five?” Makes me skip - “And what's with that mystery box?”
Makes me read – “What chance does she have against an entire school with powers?” Makes me skip - “How will she show everybody she's the best?”
The clickbaitiest is ones that ask not the concerns of the story or character, but 'what will happen' (ex: “How does he prove to everyone he's the best? You'll see.”) Not a question, but imperitives to read also hit this nerve. I click away extra fast for anything that ends in “read to find out”. But maybe that's just me???
ON USING QUOTES
For lots of fic writers, a chunk of text from the fic itself is a good way to ease into a summary. I don't think this is a bad idea, but it follows the same rules as any other summary.
Chatfics are especially bad about choosing a random section of text the author finds insightful or funny for the summary without paying attention to if it actually matches the tone, themes, or even the characters the fic focuses on.
“I'm not sure we can make this work,” said X. “I thought we were doing okay, but when was the last time we actually enjoyed one of our dates?”
“So we're just giving up?” asked Y.
“I don't know.”
Tells me what the fic is about. I can expect a dramatic interpersonal fic about the relationship strain between X and Y. I have tone, plot, main characters, and a plot hook.
So, in short, if you use a quote:
-Can I tell who is speaking/thinking?
-Is the speaker or subject the characters I should be focusing on?
-Does the quote give a clear idea of the themes, tone, and/or tension of the story?
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cosplayernation · 7 years
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10 Tips for the Chronically Ill Cosplayer
Part I of II | Let's Get Physical
Chronic Cosplay
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    There's a reason I go by Chronic Cosplay. I'm chronically ill and I'm absolutely crazy - as in, actually mentally ill. Don't look at me like that, I can get you the paperwork. This is not a drill. This is, however, an article that's both close to my heart and absolutely imperitive for your survival. I write about it on my blog, I talk about it in interviews, I answer questions from friends and fans alike - how to cosplay with a chronic illness (or a laundry list of them). This how to survive a convention without sacrificing your health - phyical or mental. It is, in fact, possible.
    I learned how to do it the hard way. I spent entire Saturdays in hotel rooms in too much pain and far too tired to get anything done. I've passed out at conventions. I've collapsed and laid on concrete for hours, a circle of eleven people I didn't know sitting around me to keep me safe and cracking jokes to keep my spirits up. As much as the experience restored a significant amount of faith in humanity, it still entailed me laying on concrete for two or three hours in too much pain to do any more than crack a smile. I think you get the point. We'll cover some highlights from my extensive background of con crazy in Part II. For now, let's focus on ten of the most important lessons I've learned in my five years as a cosplayer with physical disabilities.
1. Make A Realistic Schedule
    Oh, sure, you would love to go to the JoJo's Bizarre Adventure group shoot at 10am, book it to the lolita fashion panel at 11:15, meet your friends for lunch at noon across the building, change your cosplay, get to the [insert sports anime here] group photoshoot at 12:45, do another cosplay change at 1:54, and make it to your private shoot as Miku Hatsune for 2:10. It sounds like a dream, everything scheduled right in a neat line so you can get everything done. Let me break this down for you right now, you will get one of these things done and I can't tell you which one it is. I can tell you that you're going to have a surprise fainting spell before noon and you're going to spend the rest of the day in your hotel upset and in agony. Space your events wisely. Cross reference room numbers and the convention center map. I guarantee there will be two [insert sports anime here] group shoots a day, there will be four JJBA group shoots every three hours, your friends won't mind picking a closer restaurant, and you'll get to sit down at the panel. See how that works? See how you are not dead? Let's keep it that way.
2. Keep Your Cosplay Line Up Simple
    Look, I get it. You have four sports anime, two Jo Jo's Bizarre Adventure per day, and you just made the perfect prop for your private shoot. I'm going to stop you right there. You cannot fit all of those in one day. You probably can't fit them all into one weekend. I brought nine cosplays to my third convention. I wore two. I wore two and I was still to exhausted to make a group shoot I planned. As much as you love every cosplay in your closet, please love yourself long enough to realize you will never have the energy to bring every single one of them. Pick your favorites, pick the ones with the group shoots you absolutely cannot miss. Pick a super comfy back up cosplay for when you realize you still brought way too many and you're about to pass out. At least pass out in a kigurumi or a swimsuit. Please don't pass out in the most complicated armored cosplay this world has ever seen. Do not impale yourself on your own EVA foam breastplate. Yes, it may be the sickest photo op all weekend, but you'll end up being the sickest con goer and not in a good way.
3. Swallow Your Pride
    You can pretend you're not ill all morning but halfway through that four hour pre-reg when you're dehydrated; dizzy; and your knees give out, you're going to wish you'd asked your doctor for that note about needing accomodation because you are not able to stand in four hour lines. See what I'm getting at here? Yeah. Just get the note. Thank me later.
4. Use Your Mobility Aid (if you have one)
     This could easily qualify for swallowing your pride. A lot of these will, I'm going to be honest with you. I know we, as folks with chronic illnesses, can feel a sense of shame or embarrassment for relying on mobility aids. I know this is especially hard when you're just starting to use mobility aids. There's a learning curve to them, it's not just you. But the fact of the matter is that your doctor would not sign off for you to get a mobility aid if you didn't need it. Don't jeopardize your health or ruin all your Saturday plans because you wanted to cartwheel through the halls on Friday in your Tai Li cosplay. If you want to set a mobility aid down or step out of one for a photo, fine. Do so wisely. Do so if you are capable of doing so. If you've paid $60 for a private photoshoot and you want to slide your cane or a crutch out of the way for a photo, have something to lean on. At least use your mobility aid for the rest of the weekend. If you're in a wheel chair or on a scooter, that does not take away from your cosplay no matter what anyone tells you or what you try to tell yourself. Between me; so many of my friends with mobility equipment; and Misa on Wheels, I promise there are plenty of people who believe in you. We believe in you and we don't want you to risk your health just because you don't think Princess Peach would rock a wheelchair. She totally would and so will you.
    Side note: When it comes to canes, props check does not always understand the concept that some cosplayers have canes for use as a mobility aid and not as a prop. When you consider the myriad of characters with walking sticks out there, Ciel Phantomhive and steampunk anything for example, it's understandable that they will occasionally stop you to try and give it a zip tie. In my experience, letting them know it's a cane used for medical purposes and not as a prop is quick and painless. While you should not expect any more hassle after a quick explanation, should any volunteer or staff member insist on giving you more trouble or trying to take your mobility equipment away, ask to speak to a higher up immediately. I wish I didn't have to tell you that props check will probably flag you down upon entering the convention center, it's better to give out a heads up for any newer cosplayers or cosplayers just starting to use mobility aids. Wheel chairs don't seem to raise questions, neither do crutches of any kind, I haven't used my walker to a convention but I would assume that wouldn't cause any questions either. To any case user, keep this in mind and don't be offended when a volunteer who has no idea who you're supposed to be cosplaying is only trying to play it safe.
5. Slow Down
    The one problem with convention schedules is how badly we all want to catch every single thing listed on one. The second you get your con schedule booklet, you start planning. You pull out your favorite pen and circling every single panel, event, and photoshoot you want to see or attend. We've been over this. Put the pen down. Let's fast forward to when you first step onto the con floor Friday morning. You're speed walking or speed wheeling your way down hallways, through exhibit halls, from friend to friend to that cosplayer you need to race after and flag down for a photo. There's so much space to cover and so little time in your three day weekend of nerdy revelry. Re-read that sentence. Three days is plenty of time. It's more than enough time. Save the power walking for your neighborhood PTA members and take it easy. Be the tortoise to your mind-racing idealistic hare imagination. Go slow. You're at this convention to have fun and relax. It's a vacation from normalcy, school, work, and the fifteen doctors appointments you have this month. If you rush your way through pre-reg, getting ready Friday morning, and rush from the hotel to the con center to keep up your speed oni level of exertion, take a guess on how much energy you're going to have for Saturday and Sunday. None. You will have no energy. You power walk your way to exhaustion and the rest of your weekend lay in shambles at your feet. Take a tip from Sub Zero and chill out. You'll get everywhere in your own time and still live to see tomorrow.
 6. Carry A List
Scratch that, carry several lists. Type these lists into your phone's memo section, have a hard copy on paper in your wallet, have a post-it tab for the pages in your date book; notebook; or sketchbook. Make sure that if anything happens, your lists are easily accessible and easy to read. List any medications you take along with the dosage, list when you last took your medication, write a list of instructions of what to do or what not to do if a health emergency occurs. Whether it's fainting; too low or too high blood sugar; a migraines; seizures; or the myriad of other magical things that could go wrong, write out the protocol for how to handle it. Hopefully it won't come up, but let's play it safe. Write down your blood type, too, if you know it. Write down any medications you have an allergy to, write down foods you have an allergy to, write down the numbers for your doctors. The con health center can only do so much and nobody in there is a psychic. Make sure they have the right information to help you if things go south.
7. Speak Up!
    There's a pretty big chance that your friend group isn't made up entirely of people with chronic illnesses.   There's a pretty big chance these friends don't live with someone who has one or more chronic illnesses. There's a pretty big chance these friends are all about that PTA mom power walk life and they're all about standing in the middle of a hallway for four hours to debate about whether or not the premise of Yu-Gi-Oh! 5Ds makes sense or not. First of all, the premise totally makes sense and I will defend it with my very life. Second of all, your able bodied friends are not psychic nor are they going to think about whether or not you can stand for that long or walk that quickly if you don't say something.
    What I'm trying to get at here is that you need to say something! "Guys, can find somewhere to sit down, please?" If they say no, they're not very good friends and you don't need that nonsense in your life. "Hey! Can we slow down a little? I can't walk this fast." If they say no, they are not very good friends and you don't need that in your life. Are you in the pre-reg line with your doctor's note waiting for a staff member to miraculously walk by until their disability radar goes off so you can ask about a more accomodating line? Nobody in the con staff has a disability radar and they aren't going to notice the piece of paper in your hand. Walk, limp, or wheel your way to the front of a pre-reg line and ask where to find the accomodating reg table. Someone will tell you and get you set up to avoid a lot of suffering.
    If you have trouble speaking up for any of these things, keep a very loud and very confident friend with you. Give your very loud and very confident friend the "please help me with your loudness" look and stutter out a few key words such as "chairs," "too fast," or "special needs line." Don't thank me on this one, thank you very loud and very confident friend. Then thank your very loud and very confident friend for me.
8. Set Phone Reminders
    Do you have any medication you need to take throughout the day? Probably. Are you going to remember when you took them with all the excitement going on? Probably not. Does your phone have a memo section, an alarm app, and a timer? Unless you're about that ironically oldschool Nokia brick life, your phone has all three. Type out the time in the memo section whenever you take your medication. Leave the memo app open and hit your "check all running apps" button for a quick look whenever you need to double check how much time you have before your next dose. You can also set an alarm for every dose you need to take that day. If you'll be in a panel, set your alarm to vibrate. Try using the timer on your phone instead of the alarm if you don't always take your medication at the exact same time every day. I can tell you that for me, it always depends on when I wake up.
    If you're accidentally running late on medication or you ignored number 5 and it's all hitting you harder than a super saiyan, take a tip from Celty and communicate by typing it out. Not only is this completely appropriate given your current surroundings, but it's something I've used in my day to day life. I've texted someone right next to me "yo, i need to take meds, can we sit for a sec?" Convention centers can be louder than a jet plane, but you can still bet your bottom dollar everyone there is still going to check their phone. I've even typed "can't speak, pain," and made a very weak attempt at handing my phone to a family member from bed when I hadn't the strength to sit up. You know what happened in those situations? My friend helped me to a chair and got me some water. My folks picked up the phone, nodded, made some tea, gave me my morning meds, popped in a Yu Yu Hakusho DVD, and told me to rest for the day or text them if I needed anything. Durarara! is surprisingly good at offering some choice life lessons when you least expect it.
9. HYDRATE. EAT.
If I honestly need to explain to you why dehydration and extremely low blood sugar are things you should avoid, I just don't know what to tell you. However, if it's a matter of "I can't really chew solid foods" or "my stomach isn't cooperating" or "my meds cause really bad nausea and I don't know what to do," then I have a few ideas. One happens to be pedialyte. It's a god send for keeping hydrated when everything seems a lot more like the ending of Free! Iwatobi Swim Club's first season. It's also fantastic for kicking con plague in the face. I recommend it over sports drinks because Pedialyte, and it's generic knock offs, are made with simple sugars that are easier for the body to break down than the complex sugars found in your Powerades, Gatorades, and Vitamin Waters. Ensure is great for when you can't do solid foods but need some kind of protein and sustenance, provided you have no dietary restrictions in terms of dairy. Naked and Odwalla both have great smoothie-esque drinks that are as ridiculously expensive as they are ridiculously delicious. At a convention, however, a $4 smoothie-esque beverage is worth not passing out from low blood sugar.
10. Stay Close or Call a Cab
Hotel costs are the most expensive part of most conventions provided we don't include all the things you shouldn't have bought in the dealer's room but still left the convention with anyway. Some classic methods for avoiding the high cost of hotels include the "Stuff Fifteen People into a Two Bed Hotel Room the Size of a Closet" and the equally fun "Let's Walk Fifteen Blocks Back and Forth Every Day in the Most Complicated Craft Foam Armor and Highest Heels We Own" tricks. The former involves sleeping on the floor, accidentally bringing home the wrong wig, and risking getting stepped on every second you spend in the building. The latter is something no one with a chronic illness should ever attempt when traveling by foot or chair. Even with a wheel chair or scooter, it's still traveling fifteen blocks and exerting more energy than you should. If you absolutely must stay in a hotel that isn't attached to the convention center, even if it's only two blocks away, do yourself a big favor. Save yourself and call a cab. Well, these days it's more common to call an Uber, so pick whichever works for you. Either way, you'll get to where you're going without using all your energy for the day or increasing you pain/fatigue levels.
    "But Chronic, won't it be expensive if I take a cab or an Uber back and forth three days in a row?" No, not really. If you've picked a hotel far enough from the convention center to require taking a cab or an Uber, you've likely saved enough money to cover some transportation for yourself. This also means the other people in your hotel room have saved money, which means you can all carpool via cab and/or Uber and split the cost between each other. For Otakon last year, a large group of friends and I chose to rent an apartment about an hour by foot from the convention center down in Baltimore. We used a regular cab company to get back and forth, a one way trip costing only $6. By using Air BnB to rent an apartment that fit eight people comfortably with a real bathroom and kitchen, we spent $45 dollars each on somewhere to sleep, then spent $36 on transportation for the weekend. Well, I spent about $36 on transportation given we didn't always carpool and I was the only person who relied entirely on cabs to my knowledge. My point here is that even if you have to sacrifice the convenience of a hotel adjacent to the convention you're attending, you don't need to sacrifice all your time and energy just to get to the convention.
 What I really want to drive home is that your illness does not have to define your convention experience provided you adequately prepare yourself and go at your own pace. I urge you to take these points into consideration. I spent four years assuring everyone I always collapsed at least once during a convention, it was completely normal, and not to think of it as a big deal. I don't want you to believe that's true. I don't want you to suffer because of your pride. I don't want you to make the same mistakes I did. I don't want you to learn the hard way like I did. I made those stupid decisions so you don't have to make them. Please, take care of yourself. Take care of your friends. Be safe. Have fun.
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dowcolawncare · 5 years
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emma-what-son · 7 years
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Please keep this anonymous, Sue, I could get in massive, massive trouble for speaking about this.
I work at a small radio station and normally we don’t get to cover big things like film releases, we usually get to do things like plays and concerts and the like, however thanks to a connection I made through a friend of a friend I managed to score my station a five minute phone interview with Emma Watson which was a huge coup for us.
I was really excited because it was going to be great PR for our station and we were anticipating getting some extra listeners thanks to EW’s fanbase and maybe get some extra youtube and mixcloud hits.
We almost never do these kinds of interviews live due to several reasons such as the artist might only be available during a certain time and if it interrupts a presenters regular show they really don’t like it, it gives us a chance to edit out any hiccups such as, well… hiccups, burps, a phone ringing unexpectedly, that kind of thing.  So when we were sent the press pack with the details of when the interview was to take place, the strict length, that wasn’t a surprise, but there were some surprises to go with it.
Normally we’re given the number to call at a certain time, 9 times out of 10 it’s the artists own mobile phone number, but sometimes it’s a landline or a publicist’s or managers number if they’re doing a bunch on the same day.  It’s pretty normal to schedule a twenty minute interview to allow for sound checks and usually when the interview is signed off we take a minute or two to thank them for speaking with us as being a small station building friendly relationships is imperitive.
This however was a very strict five minute limit, but we figured she’s a big star and was probably doing a bunch of phone interviews that day.  We were also told that Emma would be calling us, instead of the other way around, at a certain time and if we failed to answer the interview would be cancelled.
What was really strange for us was the huge list of do’s and do not’s that we had to adhere to:
Questions ONLY about the movie.  No personal questions.  Do not mention other films the artist has starred in.  Do not mention co-stars from previous films.
This is quite frankly, bizarre.  It’s standard practise to introduce the guest with a quick career run down for example, “I’m talking to Emma Watson, star of the Harry Potter movies as Hermione, Sofia Coppola’s The Bling Ring, Daron Aaronofsky’s Noah, and her latest hit movie - Beauty and the Beast."  That would be a typical lead in to the interview, so I emailed back to clarify and was told:
"DO NOT MENTION OTHER FILMS!”
So, now dreading the interview I start prepping and trying to come up with a bunch of questions I can ask in five minutes that aren’t about the plot of a movie everyone already knows, because it’s a remake and aren’t about the stuff Emma insisted on adding into the movie, because it’s what ALL the interviews have been about and I wanted to try and talk about something different.
The day and time comes and we wait.  And we wait.  And we Wait.
One hour and 37 minutes after the scheduled time of the interview we’ve all given up and assume it’s off when the phone rings.  By this time I’ve left the recording booth so I have to scramble back in and do a very quick sound check because Emma’s person is on the line and Emma is ready to do the interview.  I’m not sure who it was, as they didn’t introduce themselves, but it’s someone completely unapologetic about the lateness of the call.
Now, let me tell you.  I can’t make assertions to someone I was not in the room with.  However, I’ve interviewed A LOT of people from music acts, and they’re a funny bunch, sometimes they’re really not in the mood for an interview, sometimes they are drunk, sometimes they are stoned, sometimes they’re just hungover.  If I had to guess, I’d say she was hungover.
It’s hard to explain how you can tell from a voice, but you can, I once interviewed a rock singer who was going to be playing a local concert and he was stoned off his box, and completely confused.  It was a live interview and he somehow thought it was a magazine, and he kept asking me about his travel arrangements and how he was getting on stage.  Through the magic of editing, you’d never be able to tell from the version that’s on our website.
So I’m pretty annoyed at this point, but I’m a professional, so I start the interview and it’s immediately obvious she doesn’t want to do this.   She goes to answer each question with either an annoyed grunt, a heavy sigh or a “I’m not answering that, next question."
In the end she only answers three questions and hangs up without evening saying goodbye.
We start listening back to the audio and the station manager is having a fit, we can’t use any of it, he says.  Emma’s voice sounds off, her answers are clipped and rude, and it’s obvious that she’s being a major B-word.
I tell him we should run it anyway, as it could get a lot of hits and we might be ok, so we email the press contact with the date and time the interview will be going out after it’s been edited.
We get an email back saying that Emma wasn’t happy with the interview and there is an implication - not an outright statement - that if we go ahead and play it then we might be facing some sort of legal repercussions, so the station manager kills the piece right away.
Some of us are super pissed about it though so we’ve held onto the audio and one of the sound guys is planning on incoperating it into one of the station idents or jingles as a backdoor way of getting some of it out there.
But, yeah, she was literally the worst interview I’ve ever done and I can’t even show people how bad it was.
I really appreciate you telling us this story. If for any reason you wish for me to delete it, I will.
Why don’t they want people to mention her other films? Maybe they don’t want Colonia or Regression to be brought up?
She should’ve just cancelled the interview instead of wasting people’s time and not even answering the questions correctly.
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