#please feel free to discuss the ep with me in the comments

[mx-ryder]

Some thoughts on Hazbin Hotel

I literally just watched HH this week, followed by binging Helluva Boss on YouTube right after. And my Dash is full of HH and HB stuff now. And the other day I saw someone posted their thoughts on the show, including one specific take that it falls right back under the typical "Sinners are bad but hey, we can fix them!" sort of trope. (I really don't know if I'll be able to find the post again, if I do, I'll reblog/link it here or something).

And hey, I'm not gonna argue that it doesn't, per se. I just think there's a bit more to it than that.

c.w for general religious trauma talk, SA mentions, drug use/abuse, alcohol use, addiction, gambling, probably other things I'm not thinking of

(Also please don't feel like you have to read this. It's literally just me rambling because I haven't been able to stop thinking about this topic all fucking day, so I wrote it down to get it out of my head. Obviously if you read it and want to comment/continue the discussion, feel free. Just please. Be respectful.)

Now.

All my thoughts on HH are very much colored by my past experiences with religion, US christianity, specifically. More specifically still, the sort of christianity that makes people believe that "home schooling" their kids, isolating and indoctrinating them away from anyone who might make them question it all, is the best course of action. I grew up bouncing from church to church, from home schooling co-op to co-op, all so my bio-mom could find the exact group to echo her own sentiments back at her.

Among the things I grew up believing were great ideas such as:

Sexuality is inherently disgusting, and something you should always be forcing down/avoiding/punishing yourself about. Masturbation, porn, sex before marriage, dressing "immodestly", and any sexuality outside of heterosexual were inherently evil and worthy of punishment. Sometimes that punishment was being assaulted, because really, she should've covered up, right? Girls, sometimes girls as young as 12-13 (if not younger) were villainized for wearing tank-tops and shorts, because they were causing the boys to stumble and immodesty was a moral failing on their part.

Drugs, alcohol, substances in general, are bad and wrong and using them, or heaven forbid becoming addicted, is a moral failing on your part. You are a bad person for consuming a drug, and therefore deserve to fall into addiction, houselessness, starvation, and/or abuse.

Poor people deserve it. Accepting help of any kind is leeching off good, hard-working people. Your worth as a person is directly tied to your ability to be a "productive member of society."

Any mental health issues are your fault, and are either because you don't believe in jesus hard enough, or because you're inherently broken and sinful and therefore unsaveable. There is no room for sympathy or empathy for anyone struggling.

There's a reason these are the same stereotypical archetypes you see in this sort of show. The queer sex-addict. The gambler. The "weirdo" who isn't like other people and enjoys "weird" things, or enjoys things "too much". Even just the party-girl character. Because these aren't just stereotypes. These are actual entire groups of people who are ostracized and vilified just for being who they were born to be, for making choices christians don't like, or for being sick.

And that brings me to Angel Dust. Who, by the way, I wish I could've been given a content warning about, because holy shit Ep 4 and Addict hit me really fucking hard. My friend recommended the show to me without having watched it, so I went in not expecting that sort of storyline to punch me in the gut out of nowhere.

Anyway! Angel Dust! Literally named after a drug. A gay porn star who flirts shamelessly with anyone and everyone, who proudly shows off his best films to his friends, who secretly hates his job, not because of the sex, as we come to find out, but because he's under the thumb of a fucking psycho who treats him like shit and actively physically, sexually, and mentally/emotionally abuses him. He's basically been trafficked, and hates that he doesn't have any say in what happens to him in front of the camera. It's a horrifying position to be in, and one that left me a little shaken up, tbf.

The take I'm mostly writing this based on is that Hazbin Hotel falls into the trite tropes of "rich white girl attempts to fix people who are below her" and specifically mentioned disappointment in how Charlie didn't try to argue that Angel Dust didn't deserve hell based only on his addiction or sexual past, but that she instead claimed that she could "fix him."

And I just . . . think that's a little bit of a black/white take.

For the first part, what would people rather she do? Put all her time, effort, influence, and power into trying her damnedest to help her people, who are being slaughtered by the thousands every year just because Adam is bored? Or sit at home and use all that time, effort, influence, and power to make rubber duckies like her father? She could just ignore everything going on, call it hopeless, give up, and ignore the suffering of her people. Would that be better? Would that satisfy this weird little "she's just a rich white girl with privilege" gripe?

Charlie is a rich girl. A princess. Someone with huge amounts of privilege, power, influence, etc. But you know what? She's also stuck in hell. She was born there, through no fault or choice of her own, and because of who her parents are, she is trapped in literal hell, with no hope of ever, ever ascending to heaven. She does not get a chance at redemption, because she was born to the wrong people. She is a young woman who was born into horrifying circumstances, living in a world that she frequently expresses disgust for (her frequent discomfort with sexuality, her disgust toward the cannibals, her dislike of violence, even necessary self-defense).

And she still loves her people and wants to see the best in them.

She would be completely justified in hating everything about hell, her life, the people around her, her parents, heaven, everything, really. She has every right to hate her entire existence, but she puts all that hatred for the system into her efforts to fucking do something about it. Why is that a bad thing, just because she was born into a position of power and authority??

And now on to Angel Dust.

Charlie never once makes a judgement call about Angel or his habits, his work, or his personality. She expresses discomfort with the sexual nature of his work (tbh wouldn't be surprised if she's a sex-repulsed ace), but she does not think he's a bad person because of his work. Nor does she think that he needs to stop doing his work in order to become a better/good person. When she tries to get him some time off, she's explicitly doing it because she wants him to have time to decompress and participate in activities at the hotel, not because she wants him doing less of his specific kind of work.

She never condemns his partying, either. She has a bar in her hotel! She defends him partying, right to heaven's face, because she knows everyone present has partied, everyone has enjoyed a drink with friends. There is no condemnation of his partying activities, and I don't think she ever makes it seem as though Angel needs fixing.

What I got out of that episode, watching Charlie passionately defending her friend in front of the worst fucking person in the universe, was that people do not need to be fixed, but some love and support can help them make better choices for themselves. Angel still has a good time. He still has his job (contract, y'know, but would probably be in the industry regardless). The only thing different about that particular night of partying is that he's out with people who care about him, and who he cares about.

Even Cherri, though she expresses some joking disappointment that he's spending so much time worrying about Nifty, doesn't actually seem that put out by it. She teases him a little, but leaves him to do his thing. And his thing is making sure his friend, who is less experienced at partying (and who is significantly smaller/more vulnerable than most other people), is safe and okay. His thing is defending his friends from an extremely dangerous person, at massive risk to his own personal safety.

And he didn't do any of this because he'd been "fixed" or because he'd "changed." He did it because, for possibly the first time ever, he has people around him who love and care for him, and who want the best for him. And who he loves and wants the best for in return. He said himself that he stays out of his mind on substances, allows himself to be drugged and assaulted, puts on this persona of care-free-crack-whore-who-only-thinks-about-sex, because he is trying everything in his power to dull the pain he's in. Because he doesn't believe he deserves any better.

And this, this is what Charlie is trying to show Heaven. She is trying to show them that there is nothing morally damning about alcohol consumption, or even drug use, sex work, or anything that makes Angel who he is. She's trying to show them that, with some love, care, and support, with a safe place to call home, with their base physical and emotional needs being met, people don't need to resort to the sort of destructive behavior heaven/Adam is condemning! People can choose to engage in these behaviors safely, consciously, and with people around them who want them to be safe and have a good time.

Then we get on to the idea that this entire episode ends on. Heaven doesn't know how people get there. They don't know what it takes to be "good enough" for heaven. Sera herself admits that Adam was just "the first soul in heaven," all but admitting that he's just there because he defaulted into it. (Though that does make me wonder, what about Abel? He would have died long before Adam, and considering how long Adam lived, and that there were plenty of other people around by the time he would have died, where were all those souls going??).

And Adam is the fucking worst! He is literally the worst, most selfish, violent, vulgar soul in the entire show, but he is allowed in heaven, for reasons no one even understands.

You know what the difference is between Adam and Angel?

Adam can't be fixed.

His behaviors are all destructive, not to himself, but to others. He insults, abuses, hurts, and kills with abandon. He made this weird, shitty deal with Hell and Lucifer because he wanted to murder innocent souls, because he was bored, and the rest of heaven doesn't even know about it. He has free reign to be an absolute piece of shit to everyone around him, damaging people left and right, and he will never face any sort of justice for it, because hey, he's already in heaven!

But Angel? Angel's behavior is all self-destructive. Again. He gets fucked up to dull his immense pain. He allows himself to be drugged and assaulted because he believes he deserves it. Because he's been told, for who knows how many thousands of years, that he's a whore anyway, so why shouldn't he be free to use for anyone who wants to take him? He has been beaten down, physically, emotionally, sexually, until he's a shell of a person who is struggling to find any reason to continue his shitty existence.

And he hurts only himself.

I mean, okay, he does piss off Husk sometimes, crosses boundaries/etc. But he and Husk pretty clearly fix that between themselves. There's no lasting damage there, and idk if anyone else noticed, but he stops that behavior pretty much entirely after that ep.

Angel is hurting. He is hollow, and hopeless, and trapped. And he does not need to be fixed, nor does Charlie ever attempt to do so.

All she does is reach out a hand, and say, "Hey, I see that you're struggling. This place is fucked up, isn't it? Maybe I can help."

Charlie is a flawed person. She takes her privilege for granted. She feels the immense weight of her choices, and the pressure of having taken responsibility for a people who may never want her help. She messes up, because somehow, she's endlessly cheerful and optimistic, despite her upbringing and the world she grew up in.

Charlie is flawed. But she's trying her fucking best. She isn't trying to fix. She's trying to help.

We all need some help, every now and then, don't we?

[pluckysidekick]

Nancy Drew Season 4 Trailer Part 4

I’m back with another obsessive breakdown of the 30 seconds of mayhem that is the S4 trailer. Part 1, Part 2, Part 3 here. My method of madness - connect the dots with all of the behind the scenes content, social posts, podcasts, and articles to figure out a possible episode and any context we can glean about what the heck is going on. Remember it’s all still speculation so please don’t come back and tell me how wrong I was later (but feel free to tell me when I was right 😀).

Next up we have demons! Love this enhanced reaction shot from @nancydrewgifs’s gif on the bird app.

Much to discuss. From Ace and George’s wardrobe (and hair), this looks like Episode 5 - this is the episode featured in the official season announcement, directed by Scott Wolf, and with lots of cool scenes shared by Kennedy like this one and this one.

We have two other visual clues that make it more complicated. Bess is wearing her hair up like she wears with the sexy business dress w/name tag (as well as the official promo shot in the white blouse), and she’s got on the black and white coat from this blue screen scene.

And then Kennedy is wearing (I think) this super hot black dress under the blue denim jacket from the same timeframe. That last shot is from DP Nick Thomas - another woods scene that could be from Ep. 5 based on the timing (with stand-ins).

So Episode 5 (if all of this is Ep. 5) has a confrontation in the woods with a demon, a scene in the Claw with some kind of function that requires a name tag (a singles mixer? A pre-law/law school event?), Bess using magic, Nancy and George at a university, multiple scenes in the woods, and one in Icarus Hall with the Crew.

Many have also noticed that Ace is almost always on the outside of any grouping and sometimes apart from the others. Is this because he and Nancy have to stay apart due to the curse, or is it simply a visual framing device?

Speaking of Ace, the women are all dressed up while Ace is in another denim on denim look - is there an event where Nancy’s looking gorgeous but she doesn’t get to dance with Ace? GAH. We need a Nace slow dance in the worst way. Kennedy certainly hinted at Nancy’s agony at being at a party with Ace and not being able to interact with this tweet response to @sflcwers:

Now it’s possible the black dress is for the timey whimey prom Henry’s dressed for, and maybe the trailer’s demon scene is actually from episode 6 with some wardrobe holdover from 5, as they sometimes do.

My biggest question is - what the heck is Nancy holding in the trailer shot above? A magical MacGuffin that will help them fight the threat to the town? A weapon? A giant CHESS PIECE? It sort of looks like an oversized rook, and Kennedy previously gave us a chess EMOJI CLUE.

What if there’s some kind of chess-related mystery that relates to the sins of the past that they have to solve throughout the season? They have to find these chess pieces to save the town! Could it be something the Icarans planned from Icarus Hall? There’s quite a medieval fantasy theme going on with the crossbow, Nancy’s flower crown, and the Icarans sighting in Icarus Hall in the trailer.

OK, pure conjecture on my part, and the chess piece emoji could simply signify Game Night (which if so, yay!), but I LOVE a good mystical scavenger hunt a la the Horcruxes. I realize I may be going full on Beautiful Mind. Please give me your thoughts and theories in the comments/tags!

We still have those Icarans and spiders and proms and that NACE scene and Big Poppa Nancy to talk about, but these will have to wait for future posts as I’ve reached my photo limit here (sad). I’ll be back soon…

[rays-of-fire-and-ice]

As Months Go By, As Seasons Change - Part II

Rating: K+/Teen

Setting: through the 17 months between the end of the Fake Karakura Town arc and the beginning of the Lost Agent arc.

Synopsis: Momo resumes her duties as lieutenant, Shinji returns to a role he was forced out of long ago. Both of them are not who they used to be, and neither is the division they must work together to rebuild.

AN: I…I can’t believe it’s taken me this long. To @whipplefilter and anyone who has been waiting on this, I am so sorry!! For those not aware, this is part 2 of my fanfic As Months Go By, As Seasons Change, which you can read here. Some notes before we begin:

Although I recommend reading part 1 to know what’s happening here, in short: Hinamori and Shinji begin to work together to lead the Fifth Division after Aizen’s defeat. Hinamori is trying to come to terms with not knowing who Aizen really was and with working for a new captain, while Shinji is working on building trust in the division and feels responsible for what happened to the division after Aizen took over and betrayed them all. Both are starting to get along, but they’ve still got a ways to go.

A denreishinki is the phone device Shinigami use, and it works both in the Soul Society and when calling from the World of the Living.

There’s a few hints of hitsuhina here, but please feel free to read the interactions as platonic if you want. Also, I don’t go into detail here about how Hitsugaya and Hinamori reconcile. If you’re interested in how I can it’d happen, check out this headcanon post and scroll down to the section where I discuss it. I changed a few details for the sake of this fic, but otherwise it’s basically the same.

The music record Hinamori likes is by Ryo Fukui can be listened to here. The track I imagine she’s listening to in the scene is ‘It Could Happen to You’.

The first recruitment brochure Shinji sees is this one (sorry for the picture quality). The responses on the brochure can be found in the BLEACH Color + databook.

Neirkiri is a type of wagashi, a Japanese sweet/confectionary. I was inspired by the winter collection of this wagashi set here. They're apparently very hard to decorate and even make in some cases, but with Hinamori being as good at baking as she is, I think she'd like the challenge of it and try her hand at making some.

If you want some background music while reading, then I recommend the usuals (basically any somber or calming BLEACH ost track, all of which you can now find on either Spotify or here at Shiro Sagisu's offical youtube...for those who don't know which songs I usually refer to: Recollection I-III, Nothing Can be Explained, World #05, going home, compassion, etc) but also Stronger (Acoustic version) by Through Fire and the entire Losing Today EP by The Living Sleep.

There were quite a few deleted scenes from this fic. However, one did make it as a fic of it's own: For All That Was Lost. It serves as an epilogue for this fic, so check it out if have time.

For anyone who was waiting for this part, thank you so much for your patience! Thank you also for all the kind comments and encouragement from the first part, it really means a lot and motivated me to get this last part done. I hope you enjoy this part as much as the first! :D

____________________________________

The quiet of the office is interrupted by the ringing of Shinji’s denreishinki.

Hinamori bites the inside of her cheek, trying to focus on writing up a report for the latest mission in the Rukongai. It’s the second time it’s rung since her captain went to go get lunch for the both of them – his treat, he’d insisted, but she already made a mental note to shout for him next time. The tune is not the standard beeping most devices have. Somehow, Shinji had gotten a tone she can only describe as ‘jazzy’.

She’s half tempted to answer it, if only to stop the ringing and let the caller know Shinji will be back soon.

What she finds strange though is that Shinji may have warned her a situation like this might happen. Three months ago, when during their first week working together, he gave her permission to answer it if it rang three times and he wasn’t there to answer it. He told her chances are the calls would be from his Visored friends in the World of the Living.

Had he known something like this would happen? How often did he speak with these people?

Eventually the ringing stops, and Hinamori relaxes. However, it’s not even a minute later when it starts up again. Whoever is calling must urgently need her captain, but it feels rude to answer another’s denreishinki, even if she was given permission to do so.

Her hesitation keeps her rooted to the spot for five rings, but it becomes too much. She forces herself to stand and rush over to her captain’s desk. Before she can think twice, she answers the device. “Hello, this is Hi-”

“Who is this?!” a young woman’s voice shouts from the other end. Hinamori holds the denreishinkai from her ear as the woman continues to yell, “Why do you have Baldy’s phone?!”

Surely this can’t be one of his friends. “I, uh…this is Lieutenant Hinamori?”

There’s a few seconds of silence. “Has he got others answering his calls now cuz he’s too much of a coward to face me?!”

“Oh, no, he’s just gone to get lunch. I can pass on a message? W-Who am I speaking to?”

“I ain’t saying until I know Shinji is there. It’s an emergency and we need answers!”

“Hiyori, calm down. Who’re you talking to?” says a man in the background.

“Some lieutenant!” the woman says to the other. “I think she’s Shinji’s.” Then, back to Hinamori. “So he’s got a girl as his lieutenant, huh? Has he told you’re his ‘first love’ yet?”

Hinamori bristles. “H-His what?”

“Huh, guess he hasn’t then. If you really are his lieutenant, I don’t know how you put up with him. When you see him next, kick him in the back of the knees for me, will you? And tell him to – oi, give that back! Hey, Love!”

There’s a scuffle, but after a moment, the man’s voice comes over the phone. However, Hinamori can still hear Hiyori yelling and carrying on in the background. “Sorry about her,” the man says. “Who am I talking with?”

Hinamori swallows with a nervous smile. “This is Lieutenant Hinamori. Who am I speaking with?”

“Aikawa Love. We’re calling because we need to ask Hirako something, but doesn’t sound like he’s there.”

“Uh, no, I’m afraid not. I can let him know you called though.”

“Yeah, if you co – Oi, Yamada, Hachi! You were supposed to hold her back! Hiyori, stop clawing at my arm!”

Aikawa and Hiroyri argue on the other end, clearly fighting over the denreishikai. Hinamori attempts to say something but falters. To think one of them is Hiyori, the same person Shinji was livid had been cut down in the fight several months ago. These really must be his friends, but they seem so…dysfunctional. She feels bad for thinking that, but the arguing hasn’t stopped on the other end.

Just as she considers hanging up, Shinji slides the door open. “Sir…”

“What’s got you looking so freaked out?” Then he notices the denreishikai. “Who’s calling?”

“Aikawa-san and Hiyori-san.”

Shinji’s eyes widen at the mention of the last name. Without warning he drops the two bento boxes on to her desk and snatches the phone off of her.

“The heck did you say to her, Hiyori?!” he exclaims into the phone.

“Ha, I knew it!” she hears Hiyori yell back. “You were using your lieutenant to answer the phone!”

“I was not! I was getting lunch!” He pulls the device away from his ear and rushedly whispers to Hinamori, “Start eating without me, this’ll take a while.”

He gives a snark retort to Hiyori as he storms out of the office and into the courtyard. Without looking away, Hinamori takes one of the bento boxes, opens the lid, and starts eating. From her desk, she can make out pieces of their conversation – if she could call the gnashing of teeth, sarcastic remarks, and exasperated sighs a conversation. It sounds like Shinji hadn’t paid rent on the warehouse they were staying in before he left, but he insists he did and that they needed to talk to the owners. He insists not leaving that warehouse because it’s the best one they’ve ever had and that the owners never once came to see what they were actually using it for.

It's so strange to see him loud and argumentative, moving so fast and making wild gestures with his free hand.  He’s usually so nonchalant, at most grinning or laughing when something amused him. These people though, his friends, they got a different side out of him.

Hinamori didn’t know what to make of the Visoreds when she’d been told about them by Nanao. The fact there existed beings out there with both Hollow and Shinigami abilities bewildered her, almost made her consider just how blurred the line can become from thinking on the implications of having such powers. She hasn’t asked her captain about the powers he isn’t allowed to use anymore and she doesn’t plan to, but she still can’t help but wonder what it’s like for him, Rose and Kensei, and for the others on the other end of the phone.

As the minutes tick by, Shinji mellows little by little. The frown disappears and his lips are twitching, wanting to smile despite the exasperated tone his voice holds. The conversation moves on to other things she doesn’t understand – Shounen Jump, cafes, magazines, humans. As he speaks he slowly walks around the garden and fans himself under the summer sun. Hinamori thinks to gesture for him to come under the shade, but she doesn’t want to interrupt. Eventually, he walks back and sits on the veranda steps, back turned to her.

Why did he come back?

It’s not the first time Hinamori has wondered, but this is different. Until now she’d thought about the question in relation to why he’d come back after being away from the job for so long, or why he’d come back to place that’d once banished him. Now, seeing him like this with the people he called friends, and hearing how he spoke about the World of living, obviously missing some aspects of it, she wonders what drew him back to being so far away from it.

Regardless, Hinamori gets the feeling this is the first of many times she will witness her captain be like this with these friends of his.

______________________

“Is that…a fan?”

Shinji halts. Half bent over, he peers over his shoulder at his puzzled lieutenant. “Yeah, figured it was getting too hot in here. I didn’t think you’d know what this is. Was hoping to give you a demonstration and ‘wow’ you.”

Hinamori shakes her head, trying to hold back a smile. “I already knew because Hisagi-san brought one back from the World of the Living a decade ago. This won’t cool down the whole room though.”

 As if to emphasis her point, a gust of hot wind blows in from behind her. Autumn was only a few weeks away, but it seems summer wasn’t going to go without being the hottest Shinji had ever experience.

“Well, unless you can get someone with an ice-type zanpakuto in here, this’ll have to do,” Shinji says, only half meaning to sound affronted.

Something shifts in Hinamori’s expression, her eyes blinking in surprise. Did she think she’d actually insulted him?

Shinji presses the first button to make the fan move from side to side and the second one for the highest setting. He almost sighs in relief when the cold air smacks him in the face.

“As is, there will only be fifteen of us in here,” he says more neutral. “So, it should be fine, right?”

“Actually, Higuchi-san told me this morning he won’t be coming,” she says while sliding the door closed. “He got advice from Fourth Division to not do any advanced zanjutsu or kido training until they’re sure his sprained wrist is completely healed. Also, Isawa-san isn’t feeling well, he has a cold.”

“At this time of year?”

Hinamori shrugs as she hands him the training agenda. “I’ve had a few in summer myself.”

“Explains why I didn’t see him at the mess hall this morning. I’ll visit him later.” Shinji looks over the document. “We got everything ready?”

Hinamori gestures to the far end of the room, where the practice swords lay on the racks. “We only need those if I’m not mistaken.”

“Yeah. I guess we should do a run through before the others arrive.”

When Shinji hears the low inhale and exhale from her, he knows Hinamori is about to say something a lot of weight behind it.

“Before we do, sir, I’d like to make a request.”

He looks up, and resists the urge to raise a brow at her apprehensive expression. “What is it?”

“If possible, I’d like to request half a day’s leave this Friday.” Before he can speak, she quickly adds, “I promise I’ll complete all of my work by Friday morning and I won’t leave anything for you or Isawa-san to finish. However, it’s okay too if you’d prefer I don’t go on leave, I understand.”

Shinji snorts in bewilderment. “Well, this isn’t like you. You finally learning the importance of taking a break?”

“Huh?”

“Never mind. You can go on leave, Isawa and I will handle things.”

She lets out a breath, her shoulders falling in relief as she bows her head. “Thank you, sir.”

“You could take more time if you wanted. You’ve been nonstop since you started again.”

“Oh, no! I couldn’t, and there’s no need as it is! I just need the half of day.”

“To do what? Going to visit your friends in the Junrinan? World of the Living?”

“No, none of those…” She stares down at her shadow, cast along the floorboards to her left. “I’ll be speaking with Captain Hitsugaya.”

His smile drops. He’d been wondering when this would happen.

He hadn’t missed the way she looked at Hitsugaya a few weeks ago at the joint captains and lieutenants meeting. Shinji had glanced back at her at one point, only to find her head turned in the direction of the Tenth Division captain. Her sadness and apprehension were apparent, as obvious as the melancholy she experienced whenever she says Aizen’s name. He’d looked away, but in his peripheral, he knew Hitsugaya was glancing at her too.

The way she walked out of that meeting, as if the wind had been knocked out of her, it almost made him order her to go talk to Hitsugaya. He didn’t, instead asking her what was wrong and receiving a vague answer. He hadn’t pressed further, seeing that this was probably territory he wasn’t equipped to deal with. There was something personal about it, something he felt only the her and Hitsugaya would know how to navigate through.

He lowers the training agenda documents to his side and asks, “I take you’ll be meeting up with him then?”

“We agreed to meet at Tenth Division’s main barracks. It shouldn’t take long.”

He almost clicks his tongue, but instead shakes his head. “Take the whole day off.”

Hinamori's mouth falls open. “There’s really no need-”

“For something like that, you’ll need the whole day. Isawa and I have things covered.” When she’s about to argue back, he leans forward and uses the training agenda to point at her. “Don’t make me order you.”

That stops her in her tracks. She blinks once, and her surprise dissipates to an incredulous smile and snort. “You’d order me to take more leave, sir?”

“If I have to, yes.”

“But that’s…that’s so silly.”

“It ain’t if my officers aren’t taking the leave they need. For something like, you’ll need it. Trust me.”

Her small mirth fades, as if remembering why exactly she was taking leave in the first place. The fan arcs back, blowing cold air over them, but neither moves or says anything.

 Again, he feels he’s treading into something he knows very little about, but he decides to put the final nail in the coffin. “How long has it been since you two last talked? A while I bet. You’ll have a lot to catch up on then, yeah? Not just about what happened back then, but other stuff. Stuff you always talk about when you see each other.”

For a brief moment he thinks back on his few phone conversations with Visoreds in the World of the Living. He’s certain he’ll get used to communicating with them like that, but a part of him misses not seeing them in person.

She sighs through her nose. “I suppose. Even before the fight against Captain Aizen, it’s been so long since I last spoke with Hitsuga – I mean, Captain Hitsugaya.”

“Well, if that doesn’t tell you you need the whole day off, I don’t know what will.” He continues, with a lighter lit, “Clearly you’ve been working too much that all though think about is getting back to work.”

Her lips tilts in a tiny smile, and she bows her head. “Then, thank you, Captain.”

____________________

After she shuts the door behind herself, Hinamori lets out the breath she’s been holding in.

Her heart flutters, her eyes sting, and the jitters are starting to calm down, but none of it dampens her relieved smile.

It was a moment in the making, something she simply couldn’t avoid for the rest of her life even if she wanted to. Regardless, she’d been so afraid of how she would approach it all. Hyourinmaru makes her apprehensive still, and to feel that way about a part of her childhood friend is enough to break her heart a little. His zanpakuto is more than just a weapon to him, but that is all she can see it as for the time being.

She’d never seen such expressions on Hitsugaya, his face transforming from guilt to sorrow to unfiltered relief. She’d told herself she wouldn’t cry, but it happened not even five minutes within meeting him.

It had started with apologies and tears, then long pauses and uncertainty. It wasn’t until she brought up her recent visit to the Junrinan that things started to calm, and it was almost like falling back into their old rhythms. Of course, it wasn’t exactly like before, and perhaps it never will be again. That thought doesn’t sadden her, for she already had hope from reconnecting with him today.

What had partly inspired her to finally take the plunge, she realises, was Shinji’s conversations with his friends. Seeing him speak freely with those he hadn’t seen in months, people he had lived and struggled with for decades, it made her think of her own friendships. It made her remember what it used to be like for her and Hitsugaya.

The memories of that day on the battlefield won’t leave her, but their power over her has diminished.

It’s been a long day, and despite her mirth, exhaustion weighs heavily behind her eyes and limbs. She considers whether she should have a nap or get dinner. As she does, her curtains flutter in the gentle breeze. She’d been so anxious this morning she’d forgotten to shut her window.

She closes it, and as she turns back to her room, her gaze lands on her bookshelf.

The warmth in her is cools when she spots a book Aizen gifted her decades ago. It occupies its own space at the top. She’d put it there to get it far out of sight as possible, but to also not forget it was there entirely, for the day she’ll get rid of it.

She prays that one day she’ll have the strength to burn it to ashes.

____________________________________

“Sir?”

“Hm?”

“May I ask you a question?”

Hinamori watches her captain step down the ladder with a tome. He hands it to her before going back up.

“You don’t have to say that before you ask me something,” he says, nonchalant.

She’s aware, but it still feels wrong to just ask personal questions without a lead up. She takes the second tome he passes down to her and shuffles to the side, allowing him to move the ladder further down the bookcase.

“When will you be going to the World of the Living next?” she asks.

Shinji freezes. He's deciding whether to take her question seriously or making a joke out of it. It doesn’t take him long to choose.

“Trying to get rid me already?!” he chuckles.

“Of course not, sir!”

“Oh suuuuure. Bet Matsumoto-san has a party planned and you volunteered to use the barracks’ hall, didn’t ya? I know her birthday's coming up, she strikes me as someone who holds big drinking parties to celebrate.”

Why does he have to escalate things like that? Her indignation must show because his chuckling turns to laughter.

He waves a placating hand. “All right, all right, in all seriousness. I don’t plan to go for a while. Did you want me to get you something while I was there? I can just ask Urahara to convert something and send it over if you want.”

Huffing out a breath, Momo continues, “I only asked because it occurred to me that you, um…haven’t seen your friends in a while.” She tucks a strand of hair behind her ear, a slight tightness coming around her heart. “We used to encourage our subordinates to see their friends outside the division when possible. Captain Aizen said it was good to socialise outside of the groups we know.” Then, quieter. “In hindsight, maybe that was… something else he, um….”

With his back to her, she can’t gauge her captain's reaction. His fingers continue to slid along the spines of books and tomes, only stopping when finds one they’ll need.

“It might’ve been a tactic, but regardless, it’s good advice.”

She’s too bewildered to respond, and only snaps out of her stupor when Shinji waves a book in front of her face. She wanted to say the same, but feared doing so would somehow align her with Aizen.

As he climbs down, Shinji says with a smile, “It went that well with Hitsugaya, huh?”

At times like this he surprises her with his perceptiveness, so much so she forgets to correct him on her childhood friend’s title. “What makes you say that?”

He shrugs. “You saw him yesterday, right? So, judging from that question and that you’re not moping about, I’m guessing it went well. You don’t have to talk about it, though. It’s your business.”

 She smiles softly with a nod. “It did go well. I’m glad I spoke with him.” She casts her eyes back to Shinji. “I suppose it’s made me reflect on connecting with those you haven’t seen in a long time, especially when you’ve known them for so long.”

Taking the hint, Shinji’s face falls into one of contemplation. Hinamori only has under a minute to take it in, because then he resumes his usual grin. “I get your point. Once we wrap things up for the new wave of recruitment, I’ll think about visiting the World of the Living.”

“…I’m glad, then.”

He steps down and then off the ladder. “Actually, speaking of, the first lot of graduates for the year are due soon, right?”

“Yes, in three months I think.”

“Right, we should get on to promotion. Lets work on it next week, yeah?”

___________________________________________

Shinji frowns at the clock on his desk. Taking her sweet time getting here.

He wouldn’t mind normally, but this is Hinamori; in the six months he’s worked with her, she has never been late. At worst, maybe she’s a few minutes behind, usually rushing in and apologising for ‘being late’. Now it’d been almost thirty minutes since they were meant to start work on the recruitment brochure.

Another minute passes before he’s had enough. He walks briskly out of the office and to the archive storage room. He’d asked her last week while arranging this task to get relevant documents and older brochures so he could get a better idea of how they were done these days.

She isn’t in the archives, but his eighth seat, Katsuro Hoshino, is.

“Yo, you seen Hinamori around?” Shinji asks him.

“No, sir,” Hoshino says, closing the tome he holds. “I just came in, but I do sense traces of her reiatsu here.”

“She probably left a few minutes before you came then.” He goes to leave, but the tome his subordinate holds catches his attention. “What’re looking at that old thing for?”

“Oh, ever since the Lieutenant did that demonstration a few months ago, I’ve been looking to improve my bakudo spells.”

Coming from you, this isn’t a surprise at all. Hoshino is always looking to improve himself, always asking for feedback on his performance in training or after a mission. If he ever messed up, he insists on correcting his mistake. If he ever got praised for something, he’d ask how he could make it better Sometimes it’s too intense for Shinji’s liking; it reminds him of the officers from Second or First Division, always perfectionists with ambitious goals or too strict of a code.

But then, he did come from one of the lower districts, and the captain found one of the main types of officers to come from there were like Hoshino: ambitious, always looking to reach higher, always looking to provide for anyone they had back in the Rukongai, and generally sympathetic to those who came from the lower districts. He needs people like Hoshino, to understand those from the districts he was never in.

“What about the manual in our library?” Shinji asks.

“All copies are on loan, sir.” Hoshino hoists up the tome with a smirk. “It may look old and doesn’t include certain spells or have the depth of the more current edition, but it’s still helpful. We kept it around for a reason, right?”

 “…Sounds like she inspired some of you.” And judging from the way they spoke of her before, it’s not the first time that’s happened. Shinji turns to go. “I’ve gotta find her. I’ll see you around.”

Out of the archives room, he puts out his senses for her. It takes a moment, but he detects her reiatsu coming from the back of the division, near the training grounds. The heck is she doing there? But what’s more concerning, what makes him start jogging in her direction, is the way her reiatsu flickers, like a flame caught in a gust of wind.

It’s not a minute later when he finds her leaning on the veranda railing, her back turned to him and her head bowed. She hasn’t noticed him, doesn’t even flinch when an orange autumn leaf flutters down from the maple tree and brushes past her arm. It lands at Shinji’s feet, joining the others on the floorboards.

It takes a lot to make Shinji concerned or worried, but something about the way she holds herself, the way her reiatsu flickers, and the fact she was here instead of closer to the office has him on edge. Rather than say anything, he watches her carefully as he steps outside and shuts the door behind himself, loud enough for her to hear.

Hinamori startles and twistsaround, eyes wide and face pale. “Oh, Captain…”

He frowns at the papers in her hands and slowly approaches. “What’re you doing here?”

“I was…” She bows her head in shame. “I got distracted.”

“I can see that. What by?” he asks, trying to keep his voice neutral.

She holds out the papers to him without raising her head. He waits several seconds for an explanation that never comes before he takes the documents. At seeing a familiar face on one of the old brochures, his frown deepens. He shuffles through them, and almost all of them have Aizen on their covers, and her name is credited at the bottom of each as the artist. If it weren’t for the subject matter, he’d compliment her again on her drawing skills. “Ah, I get it now.”

In his peripheral, she lifts her head, eyes still wide. “I’m so sorry! I got caught up in….” She straightens, trying to put on a brave face. “Come on, let’s get back to the office, you can look at those and get started on the brochures.”

He tucks the documents into his sleeve and steps in her way and holds hands up. “Hey, take it easy. We gotta get back to work, sure, but nothing wrong with taking a breather. Besides, I just finished that paper stack you left me and I could use a break.” For emphasis, he rubs the back of his neck. “Feeling a little tense, you know?”

The urgency leaves her, but in its place is guilt. He withholds a sigh, and instead jerks his chin at the barracks over his shoulder. “Come on, let’s go grab a tea.”

A few minutes later they’re in the kitchens, with Shinji pouring boiled water into a teapot. Normally Hinamori makes this – she brews some of the best teas Shinji has ever tasted, had the whole thing down like an art form as far she he’s concerned. However, at her slackened shoulders and tired expression, he’d gone to the cabinet and pulled out the canister of tea leaves without a second thought.

She watches him now from the island counter, sitting on one of the stools they’d purchased a few weeks ago. Aside from the teapot, it’s one of the few ‘modern’ looking things in the division. It’d taken some convincing, but he brought her around on the idea of some new furniture. She’d even mentioned thinking about getting a couch for the office just two days ago while glancing through one of his magazines.

“Wanna go back to the office or somewhere else?” he asks while tossing the leaves into the infuser.

She fiddles with her hands for a beat. “Can we stay here?”

Well, most of the division is out, I guess. Just for assurance, he slides the kitchen door shut. “Sure.”

When the tea is brewed, he brings the teapot over and pours it into two cups. As he comes to sit on the stool next to her, he hands her one. She smiles at him while wrapping her fingers around the clay sides. “Thank you, Captain.”

She blows over the rim, dispelling the steam, and takes a tentative sip. At her small nod, he knows the tea good enough.

“So, wanna tell me what happened out there?” he broaches.

Whatever small comfort the tea had given her flows out. She stares down into her cup, the ends of the steam brushing over her face and the shadows under her eyes growing darker without the light on them.

Shinji considers himself a patient man – with a few blonde-haired, red tracksuit-wearing exceptions – and knows despite his own concerns, there are just times he shouldn’t step into something someone isn’t ready to share yet. “Look, if you don’t wanna talk about it, it’s fine. Just don’t let it stew in you, yeah? Keeping that stuff in can mess you up, so whether it’s me or someone else, don’t let it build up.”

“I’m sorry, Captain.”

“Don’t apologise.”

She hesitates. “It’s not my place to question your decisions, but…”

“Isn’t it, though? If a lieutenant can’t question their captain’s decision and choices, what kind of division is that? There’s a reason why they put two of us in charge, and it ain’t just because if one of us gets sick the other has to take over.”

The corners of her lips twitch up into a ghost of a smile for too brief of a moment. “Well, then, if I may ask…why did you reappointment me as lieutenant?”

He thought she’d ask sooner, but now that she has, he changes his approach at answering her question. “Well, why did you decide to come back in the first place? What made you decide to become a Shinigami?” he asks instead.

She gives him a puzzled frown, but when he says nothing else, she answers, “I couldn't leave my position behind. I feel responsible for everyone in our division. I wanted to make sure they were all right, and to try and help them through everything that happened.

"As for your second questions...I came here from the World of the Living, and while I no longer remember anything from my time there, I do remember a Shinigami sending me here. I don’t remember his face or voice, but he was kind. He assured me when I was scared that I would be okay, that I’d be going to somewhere safe and live another life.

“I wanted to help other Souls the same way, but also…” She clenches and unclenches her hold on the cup. “I think I always knew there was something in me. I didn’t know it was spirit potential at the time, but I could feel something burning in my veins. I needed to find a way to channel it, and I had a feeling the Academy could help me with it.”

It was just as Shinji had suspected; he almost felt like patting himself on the back for guessing it correctly. “And there you have your answer.”

She blinks at him. “I don’t see how.”

He smiles sincerely. “Truth is, it doesn’t matter too much why I kept you on. What matters is you didn’t forget why you wanted to stay on as a Lieutenant or became a Shinigami in the first place, and the reasons you gave are enough on their own.”

“That sounds…awfully sentimental for you, sir.”

“That’s because it is, but it’s the right answer. My previous captain taught me that when I asked him why he promoted me to third seat.” He gives his usual grin. “Needless to say, I wasn’t an idiot and didn’t question him again when he promoted me to lieutenant a few years later.”

At her deepening frown, he wonders if he went about this the right way. He sighs through his nose. “You asked me because you’re doubtful about your position. Am I wrong?”

He takes a sip of tea, and she eyes the sleeve where he’d stashed the brochures. She purses her lips and takes in a breath, making her shoulders rise.

“I thought if I just looked at him, maybe I could move on. It didn’t work, all it did was bring back memories I don’t want to remember.” It came out of her in a rushed confession and Shinji froze midway through it, leaving his cup a few inches from the counter.

Something in her crumbles, but she doesn’t hunch over into herself or turn away from him. She swallows before continuing. “When you asked me to go get the brochures, I thought I could handle it. I don’t know why, but I never realised how often I drew Captain Aizen on the covers. When I saw his face over and over again, it made me not want to be here.” She shakes her head. “I almost ran away, but I stopped myself. I can’t run from this, but even so…I’m still not strong enough to be a lieutenant or…” She trails off, at a loss for words, then takes a long sip of her tea.

It’s a risk, but Shinji puts his cup down and brings out the brochures, laying the pile on the counter but not spreading them out. The one on top is of a smiling Aizen, wearing those blocker glasses and with a branch of Sakura behind him.

“You chose to not run after seeing these, and you should give yourself credit for that. You could’ve chucked them, or burned them.”

"B-But they’re official documents, I couldn’t.”

Shinji snorts. “A shame, but I’m thinking Central Forty Fix wouldn’t take you to task if they found out who’s face is on these.” He let’s out a bitter sigh. “I would’ve, if nothing else to get rid of the blocker glasses. They always pissed me off, especially when I found out he never needed them in the first place--"

“How do you do it?” The question practically burst out of her, and it catches Shinji off guard. He blinks at her almost horrified expression; he's not sure he’s ever seen her so stricken.

“How do I do what?” he eventually asks.

 “You…You talk about him and say his name without…”

“Time.”

“Huh?”

He slides the top brochure, revealing the second one beneath. Aizen stands in profile on a veranda, head tilted back and smiling at something in the sky; behind him, in Hinamori’s neat writing, it says ‘Come join Fifth Division’. The way she drew him made that smile look so genuine, but he can imagine it was the same one he’d given everyone over a hundred years ago; it never quite reached his eyes, and perhaps she’d also seen it but drew it as though it did.

Shinji finds himself remembering moments with Aizen he’d pushed away for years. The good and the bad. He imagined his lieutenant is experiencing the same as she taps a finger on the corner of a brochure from four years ago.

“It takes time,” Shinji elaborates, listing his head to one side. “I had a hundred years to think about what happened. I don’t hate him any less, but it gets easier with time to think about what happened and to talk about him.” He narrows his eyes. “You know what he did back then, right? To me and the others?”

She nods, somewhat apologetically. “Kira-kun and Ise-san told me.”

“Right. There’s one thing they wouldn’t have told you though. I knew from the start something wasn’t right about him. I could never put my finger on it, but I just knew there was something creepy about him. I thought keeping an eye on him would stop him from doing something. When he revealed himself to be behind the attack, he showed I’d been the fool this entire time. I played right into the bastard’s hands, had been this whole time.”

“H-How so?”

He gulps down his tea, his mouth suddenly drier. Even after all these years, for all his talk of ‘it takes time’, he’s nervous to bring up that night with her. What’s he so anxious about? “I thought I chose him, but as it turns out, he chose me. I was the perfect candidate to keep up his façade, because he knew my suspicion would only blind me to the true him.”

Tears rim in Hinamori's eyes. It hits close to home, and he can understand why. Aizen had used his suspicion against him, and he’d used her admiration against her. Like with Shinji, he’d chosen her, but made her think her admiration led her to him. He took whatever emotion he strongly resonated within others and used to it to hide his intentions and true self from them.

The silence between them stretches out for another minute before she speaks up, voice quiet. “I’m sorry you went through that.”

He shakes his head. “Not your fault. It’s no use comparing suffering, but even so, what you went through I imagine was worse.” He taps the brochures. “The way you drew him, it shows what you thought of him. I bet that bothers you too, huh?”

For a moment, her lips draw into a tight line while she thinks of what to say next. “Sir, forgive me, but…why are you telling me all of this?”

Because he wants her to know she isn’t alone, that what Aizen had done to her had been done to him too. Also, on some pathetic level, he wants to own up for his costly mistake and apologise to her indirectly. He’ll be dying before he ever admits the latter though.

"Did I say too much?" he says. "Sorry, probably made ya feel uncomfortable."

"Uh, no, it's not that!" Hinamori quickly reassures. "It just seems like so much to share is all. If it were me, I know I wouldn't be able to."

"It kinda the reason why I did." He gestures to himself with his cup. “It was so you get an idea of what’s ahead. It’ll take a long time for you to deal with all this. Based on experiences, there will come a day when wake up and go about your businesses, and you realise you haven’t truly thought about him or what happened. You’ll think about it there and then, sure, and there will be days where it has you by the guts. It’s just a matter of remembering that those days come and go, like any other.”

He pours himself another cup of tea as she sighs quietly.

“Out of everyone, you’re the only who talks about him to me,” she says.

“I figured it’s good to talk about him, the good and the bad. Well, it’s all bad, let’s face it, but…he had his moments, every now and then, whether I liked it or not.”

Hinamori thought the same, he can tell – like her expression when he agreed that seeing friends outside of the division was good advice.

He raises the refilled cup to his lips. “Unfortunately, that can make it harder, but if you accepted it as ‘it was what it was’, that gets easier too.”

Somehow, Hinamori’s shoulder fall even further when she sighs. “I wish I was older.”

The sombreness prevents him from cracking a smile at that. “What’d mean by that? Most people your age wanna stay young forever.”

“It’s not like that.” Her fingers trails away from her cup and rest on the edge of the counter. “There’s nothing great about being young, because you don’t know how to handle things like this properly. I feel like everyone in the division is moving on. They even pulled up the ayame, the calligraphy he did isn’t on the walls anymore, and barely anyone but you says his name around me. It’s like he never existed, and maybe…maybe that’s how it should be. It feels like the right thing to do…and somehow, also the wrong thing. He existed here, and I hate…I hate that I still remember good things about him. It’s been so long since…since I didn’t feel like this. I wish it was…”

He frowns; something about her words struck a deep cord within him. “Wishing ain’t gonna solve your problems, dummy! You think you got out of that Fourth Division bed from wishing? You think I kept you on as a lieutenant because you could wish things in and out of existence? You gotta face it every day, head on, all the memories you have him, whether they’re good or bad. Those feelings and thoughts will be there when you wake and still there when you go to sleep, but you don’t let it keep you lying there doing nothing. Yeah, maybe getting rid of things around here helps some, but everyone’s got their own way of dealing with this shit, right?”

He softens a little when he realises she taken aback. “It’s okay to take a breather, though. You don’t have to force yourself so hard into getting over it. You’re figuring out how to deal with this shit, but you don’t let it get to you, I’ve seen it. You get up everyday, work your ass off, and look out for everyone. Give yourself some credit.”

He has the sudden urge to busy himself, and he does so by flipping over the top brochure and reading the back of it. His brows furrow deeper at the responses Hinamori had provided to the four questions. Shit. He’s quick to flick it aside and flip over the next brochure. She answered for this one too, but the responses were more positive. He doesn't bother to read Aizen's answers.

“I understand.”

He turns his attention back at her. Her eyes are still rimmed with tears, but there’s also a new, hard clarity in them. It reminds him of their first week when she’d affirmed that a division would need change but it couldn’t be done all at once. Her determination is fierce, but now it doesn’t come from a place of wanting to do right by her division. Right now, it’s come from having overcome something inside and wanting to keep moving forward, one step at a time.

“I should be more present, is what you’re saying,” she clarifies. “I don’t get to be being an adult who can deal with things like this by wishing in the present. To become that person, I need to do something in the here and now. I become that person by facing everything head on, not by retreating or wishing for it.”

His grin reflects his pride – at this rate he’s going to start acting like one of those proud fathers he used to cringe at. “Well, look at you being all wise. By the time you get older, you’ll be wiser than the Head Captain!”

She gives an incredulous snort. “That’s too much, sir!”

“I don’t know, you’re on the right track to being that way.” He tips his chin upward. “Though I probably shouldn’t say too much, it’ll go to your head. How about we make it that I said all of that just now? I’ll give you credit as my inspiration, and this way you don’t have to feel all shy about it!”

She’s laughs, almost doubles over, as tears streams down her reddening cheeks. He finds himself chuckling along with her. It’s the longest she’s laughed around him, and there’s something freeing about it. Perhaps it’s to comfort herself, to release the stress this entire situation had brought about.

After their laughter died down, and she has regained her breath, her smile becomes shaky. “It seems easier said than done.”

“Well, no one ever said it was easy, and if they did, they’re an idiot. You’re on track, just remember that.”

“Thank you, sir,” she says after a pause.

They both take a sip of tea, sitting in silence. At some point they’re both looking at the brochures. Shinji only leaves the first ten out, deciding the rest weren’t needed. They stare at the covers, all but one with the man who had brought them down. Yet, Shinji thinks, he also ended up uniting them them.

The good and the bad, Shinji thinks, allowing a bitter smile. He hates the irony of it.

The only one to not feature Aizen is of a shrub of suzuran. It takes up move of the page, expect for a space where Hinamori had written ‘We look forward to meeting you! Let’s work hard for Fifth Division!’

For some reason, the question his captain once asked him comes to mind, and Shinji’s smile softens. Say, Hirako-kun, why did you become a Shinigami?

____________________________________

Shinji hitches his scarf higher up, but it does little to brace him for the cold outside. Stepping out of the First Division, a gust blows through the courtyard, dusting the bridge in front with thin patches of snow that had gathered on the railing.

Around him, the captains all have different reactions to the cold, most showing their dislike for it by either huddling into themselves or commenting on it. However, there’s a few who barely flinch, and one of them is walking on the bridge like it’s just another sunny day. He’s also the one Shinji needs to talk to.

“Yo, Captain Hitsugaya!”

Said captain stops and looks over his shoulder at Shinji as the other captains move past him. “Hirako.”

Shinji slows his walk and waits for the other captains to be out of earshot. “Huh, still not referring to me by my title,” he teases. “Have some respect for your elders, will ya?”

“Most ‘elders’ act their age,” he retorts, but there isn’t much bite behind it. “Besides, you’ve told the others to not refer to you by your title.”

Despite his grin, Shinji frowns in annoyance. “I still can’t figure out how you and Hiyori weren’t two peas in a pod.”

Hitsugaya only snorts derisively in response while looking off to the side and folding his arms into his sleeves. With the snow falling on either side of the bridge and the white that already covers the courtyard below, he looks very much like he belongs in the landscape as an icy figure in the middle of it all.

With all the other captains gone, closes the gap between him and the younger captain as he digs his hand into his sleeve. “I won’t keep you long. Just had to fulfill a request.”

Hitsugaya turns back, eyebrow rising. “Request?”

“You have a birthday tomorrow, and I only know that because…” Shinji pulls out a small box, tied closed by a blue-ribbon bow. “…Hinamori told me.”

Hitsugaya switches his bewildered gaze from the box to Shinji and then back again.

“Hey, don’t get your hopes up, this ain’t from me,” Shinji snarks. He holds it out to him. “She wanted me to pass this on to you, seeing as she’ll be too busy to come by and visit.”

Hitsugaya is slow to take his gift, but Shinji gets the impression it isn’t because he’s surprised. He tries to make it look business-like, but there’s a slight reverence to the way he takes hold of the side held out to him, and the way his eyes are glued to it, following it until he draws it right in front of himself and holds it in both hands, it’s as if it’s the only thing that mattered right now.

Shinji expected Hitsugaya to just thank him and head off to his division. Instead, he deftly undoes the ribbon, letting the ends hang over the sides of one hand while he pulls the lid off.

For a few seconds, the furrow in his brow disappears and his lips part. Save for a few glares, Shinji’s never seen any expression other than a stoic, determined frown on the boy’s face before, but he’s isn’t sure what he’s more surprised by: the subtle softness that settles in the younger captain’s eyes or the strange jolt of relief he feels. Where did the latter come from? And what exactly was he relieved about?

He sets the thought aside for later and watches as Hitsugaya plucks out one of the treats from the box; a nerikiri with snowflake decorations on it.

“She made them this morning,” Shinji explains. “She was actually pretty torn up about not getting to see you on your birthday, but she’s got a long meeting today, then tomorrow she’s organising some missions and then we’re wrapping up some admin things.”

“It’s fine,” Hitsugaya says under his breath. He puts the sweet back with the others and closes the box. “Birthdays aren’t a big deal anyway.”

“Well, they are for her, so you better thank her next time you see her.”

The look Hitsugaya gives him says, Obviously I will.

Shinji can’t help it though, and he raises his hands defensively while teasing, “Hey, don’t freeze me, I’m just the courier.”

Hitsugaya sustains his glare for a moment longer, but then mellows, his usual frown returning while he stashes his gift away in his shihakusho. “In that case, tell her I’ll thank her when I see her next.”

“Like when you have one of your lunches planned?”

The younger captain’s eyes widen at that.

“She told me about your plans together. I always keep telling her to take all the time she wants but she insists on getting back in time to finish her work. I think it’s nice you two still catch up every now and then.” Shinji starts to leave, raising his hand in a casual wave. “Well, my work here is done. I’ll pass on your message.”

He only gets a few steps away before the younger captain speaks up. “Oi, Hirako.” He stops, and after a beat, Hitsugaya shuffles a step towards him. “Hinamori mentioned last time that you were thinking about a joint training session with my division.”

That makes Shinji twist back around. “It was just an idea. I noticed in the records our divisions haven’t done any joint training in a while. Thought it might be good for both of our subordinates to become reacquainted with each other.” His grin widens. “Who knows? Maybe you and your men can learn a thing or two from Hinamori about kido, and we’d learn something from you and Lieutenant Matsumoto.”

Hitsugaya nods to himself.

“Is that a yes then?” Shinji asks.

“I’ll ask Matsumoto what she thinks, but I wouldn’t be surprised if she agrees to it. We can discuss it further next month.”

“All right, I’ll hold you to it.” At the fresh breeze that blows through, Shinji crosses his arms and asks, “Hey, in the coming days, reckon you could shift this weather away? Make a little warmer maybe?”

Shinji knows the urge to resist an eyeroll when he sees it – Hiyori and the others had done it enough times. He’ll take it over the piercing stares the younger captain used to fix him with during the first month back as a captain.

“No,” is all Hitsugaya says.

Shinji shrugs in defeat. “Ah, well, I tried.” He spins on his heel and continues his exit. “See you around, and don’t be a stranger to the division.”

He can feel Hitsugaya’s gaze on him for the entire length of the bridge, but unlike his first month, he can sense it’s not out of suspicion.

He’s almost halfway back to his division when he thinks back on the relief he felt, but now he has an answer.

We grew up in the same district and have been friends since. He always works hard, and he picks up new skills really quickly. He can be a bit mean too, but really, he’s kind. It took me a while to realise, but he looked out for me during the Ryoka invasion. That’s what has always stood out about him though…He looks out for everyone, even when no one sees it.

Shinji had to admit, after interacting with the younger captain the first few times, he’d thought Hinamori’s view as being too biased. She saw the good in others, and perhaps it affected how she recalled certain memories about them. He hadn’t told her about how her friend had damn near interrogated him, asking probing questions about his Hollow powers and his intentions for the Fifth Division. He’d initially concluded that yes, the kid was a genius, but he was also a brat.

But then he thought about what had happened in the battlefield more, and then learned more about the captain through Rangiku.

He may have grown up in the Junrinan, but that boy would’ve gone through hell. With hair like that and the icy aura that radiated off him, Shinji can imagine Rukongai Souls, with and without spirit potential alike, would see he wasn’t like them. Hinamori had befriended him though, had known him for several decades. She saw the good in others, believed in them wholeheartedly, perhaps to a fault, but even so…

She must have been kind-hearted and compassionate since she was young. It wasn’t something Aizen had fostered within her to further his plans somehow.

Despite knowing this for months now, it feels good to finally get confirmation in a way. Knowing that, Shinij suspects Aizen thought two ways about her kindness: that it was both a weakness to exploit and he also a trait for a good lieutenant, even if it was for appearances sake.

In some bitter way, he wonders if even Aizen on some level knew her true strength, and had treated her the way he had after he revealed his true self to punish her for it. The same may have gone for Hitsugaya, who had both his left limbs severed by Aizen. The cruelty of such an attack hadn’t escaped him, not when he and others had received smaller wounds in comparison.

Shinji grins, because despite trying to prove otherwise, those two were still standing because of the very things Aizen saw as a weakness.

____________________________________

Hinamori catches herself bobbing her head to the record playing in the background. If she were alone and didn’t have so much to do, she could see herself abandoning the paperwork and dancing around the room to the tune. It’s strange how the music can help her focus on her work but also make her want to dance.

“Who’s this one by?” she asks her captain.

Shinji is lounging on the couch with a music magazine, a scarf around his neck in place of his usual tie. “Fukui Ryo. Why?”

“I like it.”

Shinji grins without looking up. “Well, finally. See, I told ya there’d be one you’ll like, and a good choice too.”

She eyes the record collection, now taking up two shelves of one of the bookcases. He has more in his room, stacked in his closet with no space to keep them. “I’ve been meaning to ask, sir.”

“Hm?”

“Where did you get so much music?”

“I worked in a music store for a little while. Got a bunch of records for discount prices.”

“You had a job in the World of the Living?”

She sounds more incredulous than intended, and it’s likely why he laughs. “Of course I did, dummy! How else do ya think we could afford to stay in a warehouse?”

Hinamori lets out an embarrassed chuckle. “Ah, yes, of course.”

“It wasn’t my only job either, but it was one of the better ones. Aside from getting records, I learned about different musicians and got into collecting CDs too.”

At least Hinamori knows what the latter are, Hisagi had brought a stack of them and a CD player back from the World of the Living a decade ago. “You don’t have any CDs though.”

“I prefer vinyl, there’s something classy about them.”

Hinamori thinks to end the conversation there, but now she’s too curious. “You mentioned other jobs, what were they?”

Shinji closes the magazine and leans back, and Hinamori takes it as a sign this is going to be a long story. As he begins, she sets aside her writing tools and shifts away from her desk.

“I worked in a café at one point, learned how to make coffee. It’s nothing like the instant stuff, it’s better. Next time you’re in the World of the Living, you should go to a café and try for yourself. Before that, I worked in a department store for a few years, mainly in the accessories section. It’s where I learned how to tie a tie, so it ended up coming in handy I guess.”

She thinks of the numerous accessory and clothing stores in the Rukongai. Maybe it was because the tie he wears around his neck or the clothes he had from the World of the Living, but she can see him working in places like those.

“Had a couple of desk jobs too, but they got boring fast.”

“What’s a desk job?” she asks.

“Basically what we do, but more soulless.” He grins at his own pun, and Hinamori tries to decide whether to let out a pitiful laugh out or cringe.

She cracks in the end, both cringing and laughing. “Honestly, sir.”

“Hey, you think I’m joking, but it’s true! They got me to sit down all day and just write stuff that wouldn’t make much of a difference to most humans. It wasn’t fulfilling and I quit the first one. The second one I got fired from. Hiyori was pissed at me both times.

“The others had jobs too, but you didn’t hear anything I’m about to tell you, all right? Lieutenant Kuna was the first of any us to get a job, usually got them in candy stores or at themed cafes. Captain Muguruma was working in a kitchen at one point, it’s how he learned to cook as well as he does. After that he worked on construction sites or in warehouses. Captain Ohtoribashi worked in the same department store I did for a little while, but he got bored and went to work at an antique store, was a background extra on some TV show, then at a concert hall.

“Hachi never got a job, his size gave him away and we needed someone to keep an eye out for Hollows, so he just stayed at wherever we had our base at the time. Love tried becoming a mangaka for a bit but never had the talent for drawing, so he ended up working in convenience and book stores to get manga magazines on discount. Lisa worked in a couple of adult stores, at a themed-café, gave being a hostess a shot but it didn’t last long, and then at a bookstore, and Hiyori always struggled to hold down a job.”

“W-Why was that?”

“Come on, you’ve heard her over the denreishinki. She’s had the most jobs out of all of us. She’s been a housepainter, courier, janitor at a lab, had a few stints as a lab technician – they actually double checked her records every time she applied for those jobs, ‘cause she didn’t look as old as her identification said. There were others she had, but I can’t remember them all.”

Shinji rests his head on the back of his chair. “We didn’t go looking for jobs initially, first we had to control our Hollow powers. After that, we more or less took it in turns. A few of us would go get a job while the others trained, then we’d switch or one or two of us would keep working for a little while longer. Helped us stay afloat in the World of the Living and integrate into it better.”

“But with you all not being human, how did no one see that you didn’t age? Did you have special gigai?”

“Nah, just regular gigai. We didn’t all get jobs in the same area and got some in towns and cities nearby. Also kept low profiles outside of work, didn’t get too friendly with anyone at any job, didn’t stay at the job for more than four years, and never made contact with anyone from old workplaces. Think we only got caught out a few times, but usually came up with some excuse.” He looses a chuckle, but there isn’t much humour behind it. “Remember one time I bumped into a co-worker from one of the jobs I had. Didn’t recognise her at first, she’d gotten really old, but she sure as hell recognised me. Had to lie to her and say I was the son of the man she used to work with and that my ‘old man’ died years ago. Didn’t feel good to lie, but couldn’t risk her finding out.”

Hinamori knew about Shinji’s first time as captain of the Fifth Division, but what he and the others had done in the gap between when they’d been forced out of the Soul Society and now hadn’t even occurred to her. He’d lived amongst humans, had to learn their customs and ways, and at times lied to them to keep his true self from being known, all the while likely dealing with the betrayal of someone he thought he knew and the place he’d once called home turning their backs on him. She didn’t know much about the Hollow powers he possessed, but if what Kira and Hisagi had told her was true, it’s something each other captains had struggled with for decades to reign in. They only had each other in a world they knew very little about.

Her heart tightens, and she raises a fist to her chest. “It must have been hard for all of you.”

“It could be at times, but we didn’t have a choice. Just had to keep going, a step at a time.”

The words he’d spoken to in autumn come back to her.

I had a hundred years to think about what happened. I don’t hate him any less, but it gets easier with time to think about what happened and to talk about him.

You’ll think about it there and then, sure, but then it’ll happen again, and again, and again, until the time you spend thinking about it gets less and less.

You gotta face it every day, head on, all the memories you have him, whether they’re good or bad.

Hinamori wonders if she should finally ask him ‘why did you choose to come back?’, but thinks better of it. She has grown to not feel uncomfortable asking more personal questions, but that one still feels like a bridge too far for her. Still, hearing him recount about his friends the way he does, she wonders once again why he and the other two Visoreds decided to leave them to come here.

“You know, now that I think about, I reckon you and Hachi would get along real well.”

Hinamori comes out of her thoughts, but realises her captain is talking to himself.  

Shinji leans forward, as if a great idea had just dawned on him. “He’s an expert in kido, can cast spells level eighty and above with little trouble. He could probably teach you a few things, maybe you’d show him a thing or two as well.”

She shakes her head to herself with a smile, doubtful she could show such an experienced user anything new.

Shinji crosses his leg over his other knee and looks to the ceiling in thought. “Love would probably get you to draw his characters for the manga he’s always wanted to write once I tell him how good you are at drawing. Lisa is a reader beyond the perverted stuff, reckon she’d have a few recommendations for you, and Hiyori…actually, you should stay away from her, she’ll probably try to soil my good name and get you to tell her stories about me.”

Hinamori laughs nervously at that, but Shinji is focused on whatever idea he has going on in his head. Without his grin, it’s one of the most serious expressions she’s seen on him, but there’s something open about it at the same time. She thinks to ask him if he’s all right, but stops when he nods to himself. “Yeah…One day, I’ll take you to meet them.”

She’s stunned for a moment, but it slowly dawns on her. It feels like she’s been let into something exclusive almost, and she smiles. She’d only heard these people over the phone, knew how chaotic they could be, but also now realising how close-knit they must be. They only had each other in a world they knew very little about; despite their arguing and antics, she knew from watching her captain to talk them he cares about them, and they care about him just as much.

To meet the people who he had led, and who had helped him survive and deal with Aizen’s betrayal, it feels special. “I think I’d like to meet all of them too.”

He gives her a lop-sided grin. “And while we’re there, let’s grab a coffee at a café. Maybe then that’ll convince why we need to get an espresso machine in the kitchens.”

______________________________

“Oh…”

It only hits Hinamori once she steps through the doors to small courtyard

“Something wrong?”

Rangiku looks back at her with her brows raised in question, but Hinamori can’t get over her revelation.

I haven’t thought about him at all this morning.

In fact, now that she thought about it, it wasn’t just this morning; she can’t recall thinking about him yesterday either. She’d been so occupied with planning an excursion to the World of the Living and then the reports she had to catch up on, she hadn’t thought about him once.

When Hinamori doesn’t answer, Rangiku fully turns to her. “Did you forget something?”

The question shocks her, and she laughs at the irony of it. “Actually, I did.”

Rangiku’s eyebrows raise further and raises the stack of reports in her hands. “That’s not like you, you’re usually organised for this sort of thing.”

“Ah, no, it’s nothing like that.” At her fellow lieutenant’s puzzlement, Hinamori finds herself smiling wider. “It’s just a thought I had for a while, I hadn’t thought about it.” She sighs. “Although now that I’ve realised it, I’ll probably start thinking about it again.”

But now that she’s had the reminder, will she go back to thinking about him? If she did, would the fleeting moment of freedom disappear to never surface again?

You’ll think about it there and then, sure, and there will be days where it has you by the guts. It’s just a matter of remembering that those days come and go, like any other.

Shinji’s words give her courage, but looking at her friend, she can’t help but wonder how she’ll judge her. Even now, more than a year after the battle, everyone avoids speaking Aizen’s name in front of her. She knows they mean well, and although not as painful as it used to be, hearing his name still brought some sadness to her heart.

Of course, there are some she can’t mentioned him to still. When she said his name and title in from of Hitsugaya on one of their lunch breaks together, he tried to keep his expression indifferent, to appear as if it didn’t affect him, but she didn’t miss the way his shoulders hitched up a fraction, the corners of his eyes tighten, or the clenching of his jaw.

She knows everyone means well, but it can’t keep going on like this. She can’t grow that little bit more if she doesn’t share this with one of the people who helped her get to where she is now. “I just realised I hadn’t thought about Captain Ai…no, Aizen Sousuke. I hadn’t thought about him since yesterday morning.”

Rangiku’s expression shifts to one of sympathy. Hinamori wonders if she’s had a similar experience when it came to Ichimaru. Did she have moments where she realised she hadn’t thought about him that day?

“What do you need to do?” her friend says.

It’s refreshing to be asked rather than told. You should go rest. Don’t strain yourself. Oh, sorry, I didn’t mean to bring him up. “Nothing. It’s funny, though… sometimes he comes up in conversation when I talk with Captain Hirako. I would’ve thought it’d make me feel worse, but actually, it’s been helping somehow.

"It’s okay to say his name, and it’s okay it talk about him. Even if it makes me sad, I think I’d rather that than avoidance now.”

Her response surprised Rangiku. After a beat however, a soft smile curves on her friend's lips. “If you’re sure.”

Hinamori nods, then lifts up her own pile of paperwork. “We should get stuck into these before Captain Hitsugaya gets back.”

“I’ll owe you more than a shopping trip for helping me with these!”

They sit on the veranda, completing reports that Fifth and Tenth Division were involved in. One was for the three joint training sessions they’d completed over the course of last week, others were field reports. It’d been Rangiku’s suggestion to work outside, and although not usually Hinamori’s first idea when working on official documents, she can understand why now that she’d settled down to work. It’s a clear spring day, with no wind and the sun warming their feet. Scents of various spring flowers fill the air, and somewhere in the distance, there’s both the clashing of training swords and light-hearted, indiscernible chatter amongst a group of unseated officers.

Rangiku breaks the silence as she hands a report over to Hinamori. “When I think about it, it’s been a year since you started working with Captain Hirako, hasn’t it?”

Hinamori hums in ascent. “It was a year last week, actually.”

She’d reflected on the morning of the ‘anniversary’. It had somehow both been a slow and fast year that’d passed, filled with struggle and triumph for herself and her division.

Sometimes she’d find herself wondering down the halls and temporarily be transported back to how things used to be, with everyone happy and content, smiling and jovially greeting each other in the hallways. That had remained the same, but there was something different about it too. A few subordinates sported new accessories, some had gotten haircuts, and others simply spoke more freely than before. There was a time where she both longed for the old days and feared that any reminder of those memories would make her stop, becoming unmoveable and unchanging, fearing to stake another step forward.

Those memories will remain, there is no escaping them. It didn’t mean she couldn’t create new ones though, similar but different. Better, in some regards.

She hadn’t brought up the ‘anniversary’ with Shinji, but she thought he remembered too when he brought up – more than once - how he needed a holiday after working so hard. She went to voice her agreement with him, but he’d turned to her with a rare sincere, close-lipped smile, and she lost her words as he’d pat her shoulder on the shoulder on his way out to – at his instances – buy lunch for them.

He is a strange man to her, even to this day. His default expression were either nonchalance or a wide, toothy grin. His tastes in music, fashion, and decor are bizarre but oddly charming in their own way. He spoke freely, sometimes with no filter whatsoever. He wasn't afraid to show his annoyance or tease her or speak about a man who had caused both of them so much grief.

He's sharp too, able to perceive things beneath the surface, and he worked hard to gain everyone's trust. He did so not to manipulate or for some ulterior motive, but to work and collaborate with the subordinates to make the Fifth Division better.

Regardless, he still loathes paperwork and makes almost any excuse to get out of doing it. At worst it drove her up the wall, forcing her to show her annoyance through a tight smile or calling him on his denreishinki and asking him to return to the division. He could be flippant with orders too, usually issuing them for minor or trivial matters rather than situations that called for a direct and authoritative response.

He didn't always outward show it, but she knows he cares deeply for others, especially his Visored friends. It was a genuine care, one that ran through the conversations he had with subordinates asking how a relative was going, or if they had visited that store in the Rukongai yet. He was patient too, allowing her to speak her mind when she was troubled, but also knowing when the conversation needed to end. His kindness also showed in those moments, when he'd offer her advice or a glimpse into his experiences with Aizen.

He believed in her, even as she sat in the Fourth Division confused and melancholic. He had given her a chance she imagined would have made some hesitant. His unfiltered approach inspired a sense of freedom in her, to express herself more openly.

She owes much to him, and hopes perhaps selfishly, she has been able to help him just as much as he has helped her.

Looking at Rangiku, she recalls all the times they’d spent together since she regained her position. At lieutenant and Women’s Association meetings, she was always by her side. On the rare chance they had break times that aligned, they spent it together, shopping in the Rukongai. She always had words of encouragement, believing in her even before she was out of the Fourth Division.

There was a time when she’d apologised for being a burden and for taking so long to recover. Now, bows her head. “If not for you and Captain Hirako, I don’t think I would be where I am right now. Thank you again, Rangiku-san”

“Like I said before, it’s nothing. I’m just glad you’re feeling better.” Her soft smile returns. “You’ve definitely come a long way.”

Hinamori gives a tepid shrug. “Thank you. I just have to keep going, no matter what.”

“We all do. In the end, all we can do is keep moving forward, right? ”

She thinks about Genji and the rest of the Fifth Division, about the Renji, Izuru, Nanao, and the other lieutenants, about her friends in other divisions, and about Hitsugaya and those in the Junrinan.

She recovered in Fourth Division believing she was alone, being left behind by the very same people she thought about. I will have to move forward on my own, but how? she'd thought.

When her captain comes to mind, when she pictures him with the people in her life, it brings a peacefulness she she hadn't felt in a long time, and a single word comes to mind.

Together.

_____________________________

The world moves in streaks around Shinji, and the air is thicker than before he went into First Division’s meeting hall. The news is still fresh in his mind, threatening to break his nonchalant expression.

Hinamori, who jogs to keep up with him, is looking at him wide-eyed with shock and disbelief. “We’re at war…with the Quincies? H-How can that be?”

“Those bastards were crafty, they found a way to survive.” He shakes his head. “Doesn’t matter who it is, we’re at war now.”

His words are slow to sink in, but after a moment she nods. “Then we have to let the division know.”

She summons a Hell Butterfly and relays a message for Genji to gather all their officers in the main hall for an emergency division, even those patrolling the Rukongai and the World of the Living. After sending the butterfly away, Hinamori asks, “Do we have a prediction for when they’ll strike?”

“All we know is what they did in First Division. Anything else, we’re shit out of luck. Don’t know when they’ll strike or how.” Shinji is sure his expression has well and truly cracked now.

“Sir, about my lieutenant’s meeting.”

 “What about it?” He’d snapped the question without meaning to, but Hinamori doesn’t flinch.

“Kira-kun brought up something that might be of interest” she says. “He suspected that the invasion, the disappearances in the Rukongai, and the disappearances of Hollows were all connected. He noted that the report for the missing resident was conducted by Twelfth Division, and also that sandal prints were found in district sixty-four, but residents don’t have footwear in the lower districts.”

“What’s his point?”

“Twelfth Division may have taken those Souls. Kurotsuchi-san couldn’t provide us with any information, but Kira-kun is going to report this to the Captain General.” She shakes her head. “If it’s somehow connected to the Quincy invasion, why would Captain Kurotsuchi take those Souls? It’s so callous.”

“Shit. So Twelfth is up to something too? I should’ve known, Kurotsuchi is always up to some shit.” His eyes narrow. “What the hell is happening?”

Less than two years of being a captain and now he has to lead his division into a war. Organising the inevitable patrolling and drills around the Seireitei he can handle, but breaking this news to them, what the hell was he supposed to say?

He only comes out of his thoughts when Shinigami scramble past him and Hinamori. They go to different divisions, rushing to emergency meetings no doubt. He hadn’t even realised until now she’d been listing off everything they’ll need to do.

“…patrols for the lower districts, in case they go missing. I know we shouldn’t interfere with the matters of other divisions, but if Kira-kun doesn’t report to the Captain-General right away, Captain Kurotsuchi might try to expunge more Souls, especially now that Kurotsuchi-san knows we’re aware. Then there’s…”

She fades out again, because far in the distance up ahead is the Fifth Division insignia. Beyond the main entrance, Shinigami are running to get into the main barracks, a few almost tripping over themselves to get inside.

He can’t take the traditional route. Without a second thought, he leaps from the balcony to the rooftop down below and Hinamori follows. Any other time he’d tease her for breaking conduct, but the gravity of the situation weighs heavy on both of them.

They’re three jumps away from landing on the wall of Fifth Division’s main entrance when Hinamori calls out to him. “Sir, wait!”

He almost stumbles when she grabs his sleeve. He whips around and any exclamation he has dies in his throat when he sees her hunched over despite the firm grip she has on his uniform.

She’s a little out of breath, but she asks, “What’re we going to tell them? We have to get our plan straight before we address them.”

How the fuck should I know? No, he knows exactly what he’ll have to say. He’ll have to look every single one of his officers in the eye – seated and unseated, new and old – and tell them they’re at war, and they all know what that means. It means life won’t be the same, whether it’s for a few days or a few years. It means the new recruits get their first taste of real battle not against Hollows, but against opponents probably even stronger than them. It means the division member next to them is more likely to wind up dead. Shinigami are taught to be prepared for battle, to die in combat against enemies of the Seireitei and those that threaten the World of the Living and the balance all the worlds stand upon. It doesn’t stop them from fearing death or battle, doesn’t stop them from forming bonds with each other and mourning the losses of fallen comrades.

It’s over a hundred years ago all over again. It’s waking up to discover he has a Hollow residing in him, whispering in his ear, threatening to take over. It’s the pitying but determined look of Urahara swearing to make things right for him and the others somehow. It’s realising he didn’t know what to do or where to go in a world so foreign to all of them. It’s realising the others are looking to him, confused and unsure, to be a defacto leader. It’s knowing he took on said role in part because he was partly responsible for the what they had all become.

And in the decades in the World of the Living, it was not just the Visoreds he was responsible for. Even from afar, he was responsible for every officer in the Fifth Division and whatever Aizen was doing to them.

And perhaps Hinamori sees the conflict within him, because she straightens, let’s go of his sleeve, and leans away a fraction. Whatever she’s about to say, he gets the impression she’s been waiting to speak aloud for a long time. “This is likely not the time or place, but maybe, somehow, it will help you as it helped me.” Then with more certainty. “Why did you come back? And…why did you become a Shinigami?”

He could almost choked at how she threw his own words back at him.

Why did he come back? Because in his foolishness, he’d let the bastard in. And then when he and others were cast out and left to pick up the pieces in the World of the Living, Aizen took his place and shaped the division how he saw fit. He manipulated everyone, deceived them into being blinded to his true self no matter how close he seemed to let them get to him. Shinji had let him in, thinking he could stop him when needed, only to become part of his plan.

He’d let the bastard in, and the damage he had caused to everyone in the division was on his hands.

But that was neither here nor there. It’s been over a year, in fact, since then. The division isn’t what it used to be, sure, but it isn’t how Aizen left it after his betrayal either. And there was always that one thing that remained, that stood against every test thrown at it: the division’s sense of comradery and dedication in the face of horrendous odds.

He looks at his lieutenant, who just stares right back at him. Of all of them, she embodied those very feats.

He gives her a strained smirk. “Ain’t that a little personal for a time like this?”

She doesn’t back down; it doesn’t surprise him. “Perhaps, but maybe now is the time to remember why.” She turns to their division in the distance. “All them will be thinking it, on some level. ‘Why am I here? Why did I join the Gotei Thirteen?’. I know during times like these, you can forget why you’re here, so you ask yourself those questions to try and remember.

She softens a fraction when she brings her attention back to him. “The day you asked me why I became a Shinigami, it reminded me why I joined in the first place and why I chose to resume my position as lieutenant of the Fifth Division. It reminded me that there was a time before all of this when things were different, better maybe, but that I had a goal to work towards.”

She takes another step to him, now having to crane her neck slightly to look him in the eye. “You don’t have to tell me why, but remember, Captain.”

It hadn’t been for any noble reason. He knew he had spiritual potential and knew he couldn’t stick around in the Rukongai if he wanted to get anywhere in this next life. He’s briefly taken back to different moments in his life: to his first day as an unseated officer, to meeting Hiyori and the other Visoreds before they were changed, to meeting Aizen and knowing something was off, to having to say goodbye to his old captain, and finally, to becoming a captain the first time.

Somewhere along the way, on some level that he’d only ever spoken aloud to a select few, it had become about helping others. It had become about protecting those he cared about, and ensuring he could call somewhere ‘home’ with them.

When he becomes present again, he knows it’s not a time to get sentimental. You need more than sentimentality to win a war, but you also needed more than a skilled swordsman who fights only for duty. In an indirect way, that’s what he’d learned while at the Academy.

It’s neither the time nor place to be vulnerable; he’ll thank her for grounding him and helping him remember why he was doing this beyond some attempt to make amends later. However, he gives a determined grin as he says, “See, this is why ya need two people running a division.”

Her smile mirrors his and she gives a firm nod. They’re a team, a good one. A better one than either of them had in the past as Shinigami in the higher positions. However, the moment vanishes when his smile drops and he glances at Fifth Division’s insignia.

“We ain’t gonna mention the stuff about Twelfth Division,” he advises. “If Lieutenant Kira really is going to the Captain General about that, then that’ll be dealt with. I reckon Kurotsuchi isn’t going to lift a finger to get more Souls, not when he’ll have to answer to the Old Man.” He swallows and has to resist the urge to grit his teeth. “We’re going to tell them we’re at war, and whatever you listed off before. Sound good?”

“Yes, Captain.”

With that, they leap off the rooftop and land in their division’s main courtyard. They waste no time as they race to the main hall with their fellow officers. Some try to ask him and Hinamori what’s going on, but all his lieutenant does is to gather in the hall for a briefing.

Everyone’s gazes are on him from the moment he and Hinamori enter; to think more than a year ago, half of the room couldn’t look him in the eye. There’s a barrage of questions from some as he and Hinamori traipse to the front of the hall. Somewhere, Genji and a few other seated offers call for a hush.

By the time he stands before all of them, most of the talking and shouting has stopped. What strikes him more than seeing every officer in the same room together for the first time since Hinamori returned is how most of them look at him. They see him not as a lifeline or an answer, but as a captain. Yes, there is confusion and fear, but there’s also trust.

Then there’s his lieutenant, who stands at his left, completely quieting the room with a firm order. She wasn’t even two years away from the battle that had plunged her into a deep depression. She’d barely had time to breathe and rest. She still called Aizen by his title, though thankfully without the melancholy that used to plague her voice and posture when she referred to him. Hell, he’d even heard her refer to him without his title twice in the last month.

She doesn’t realise her own strength – in her compassion and belief of others – because it had been turned against her. If she can make it out of this war - no, he's going make sure she absolutely does - there’s a long road ahead for her still. Even so, she’d come so far. There’s a confidence in her stride where once there had been hunched shoulders and muted steps. She smiles far easier and can say Aizen’s name without the melancholy she’d been weighed down by. Shinji would like to take credit for it, but really, she pulled herself out of it.

He won’t fool himself into thinking he’d ‘redeemed’ himself somehow by nudging her in the direction of recovery, but knowing she has his back in this, it’s a comfort he never realised meant as much as it did now.

She looks to him, and in her gaze is not the doubtful and lost girl he first met in Fourth Division. There's concern and worry, but she’s strong, has proven as much time and time again since they started working together. There isn’t a hint of admiration for him, but there’s a belief in him. And after everything that happened over a hundred years ago and everything they’d worked on together, he believes in her too.

He shifts his attention back to all of subordinates. He finally addresses them, his voice echoing around the hall.

"I'm sure most of you are already aware of what's happening. There are some things you all need to remember before I get into the details. During times like this, don't forget for one second that our duty is to protect the Soul Society and the worlds beyond our own. We are Shinigami, we are to protect the Soul Society at all costs, and with our lives.

"More than that, however, remember we are the Fifth Division. We went through hell recently, but we have come out the other side. That wouldn't have happened without all of your strength and commitment. We will protect each other and we have each other's strength.

"We will not let the Seireitei fall, and through hell and high water, we will not let the Fifth Division fall."

[twinsimming]

Hey, I really don’t know who to ask about this, but you seem to have a lot of technical knowledge about The Sims 3, so I’m hoping you might have some comments.

I wondered if you knew of any mods or fixes for the broken multi-level lighting in the game?

Or would you know if it’s even possible to fix?

If you don’t know what I’m talking about, I mean how light doesn’t travel between different floors or off of playable lots. It used to be a feature, but apparently, it was broken after the World Adventures EP when bloom was introduced. A good example is the Goth house conservatory that is pitch black despite having windows all around it. This is because technically, the room is on ground level and the windows are a level above.

Funnily enough, world lights, as in, lights not on playable lots work. You can see street lamps completely light up lot buildings next to them.

As much as I love Sims 3 and think it’s a beautiful game, this particular issue really irks me and discussions about it are few and far between.

All good if you’re as clueless about the issue as me.

Thanks for reading and love your work!

I can't say that I have a ton of technical knowledge about The Sims 3, but I will do my best to answer your question based on what I've seen and read about this issue over the years.

As far as I am aware, there aren't any mods that fix the multi-level lighting issue. This is more than likely because the code that handles lighting is hardcoded by EA/Maxis, and/or inaccessible for modders to make any changes.

Now this is more speculation on my part as to why the way multi-level lighting works changed after the World Adventures EP, but I'm of the opinion it was because of the tombs added in the expansion. If multi-level lighting was left as it was originally, it likely would've killed some of the mystery and suspense of exploring a dark tomb. If the lights from a floor above or below your sim were bleeding into the current floor, the mystery would be gone :p

I agree that it's an irksome problem and would love for it to be fixed somehow in the future. There are plenty of things happening with The Sims 3 modding scene that I never could've imagined in the past, so maybe we'll get lucky one more time 🍀

If anyone else has additional information or can shed some further light on this issue from a technical perspective, please feel free to chime in!

[lutawolf]

I posted 2,232 times in 2022

That's 2,232 more posts than 2021!

917 posts created (41%)

1,315 posts reblogged (59%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@ellaspore

@acacia-luna-royal

@victooooorious

@rainbowcolored7

@biochemjess

I tagged 982 of my posts in 2022

#coconuts mafia - 198 posts

#luta opinions - 192 posts

#streaming kinnporsche on iqiyi - 153 posts

#kinnporsche the series - 150 posts

#luta question and answer - 145 posts

#kinnporsche - 134 posts

#kinnporsche luta - 116 posts

#not me the series - 112 posts

#luta - 104 posts

#not me series - 96 posts

Longest Tag: 118 characters

#i think another reason why i like bl is it won't ever be me so it's free of the stereotypical portrayal of a het woman

I sent 1 gift in 2022

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Love In the Air Ep 5 Review & Running Commentary

My freak flag is waving and I'm here to review for my fellow kinksters and the vanillas that want to be informed. For those that are new here, I do have previous reviews that can be found here. I've been asked how I feel about the lack of discussion and guidelines. I think this is a lifestyle couple from Thailand, which most Asian countries already have a soft D/s lifestyle. From what I've seen of the Asian relationships around me is that they are similar to the US South. Where someone in the relationship always holds more control. Which means there is already an expectation of figuring out who is in charge. In which case there is a softer way of doing guidelines and harder on consent commands. You'll see this same play out in more experienced D/s relationships because they are already familiarized. Also going over guidelines can take days, nobody wants to wait and go through that in their show. Okay, clearly some people do but not me. I'd rather skip to the good part.

Speaking of good part. We ended on a really good part last week. I just want to remind everyone of that before we get to the drama, lol. Okay, so there is just something about seeing the day after when they are still in the bed. It just instantly puts you into that moment. It's this warm and fuzzy feel. And he is sick. By the way I got a lot of answers to the Sick In The Rain comment but basically the rain comes during cold/flu season, which makes them more susceptible. Really interesting. I appreciate everyone who answered my question.

So back to Rain being sick. NO! But now that Rain belongs to Payu, he'll take care of him. Omg, Payu caring before almost killed me, now that he'll be more open about it. I'm gonna die! By the way... That hair. 👀 It's so fucking hot. Oh bless him, I know what it's like to wake up with a headache. Sucks ass and not in a good way either (if you didn't catch my Vegas reference, you most go straight to jail and you do not get to pass go). Yeah Rain, you didn't stand a chance luckily for us. Mom is valid. I don't care who you are, child or roommate. If you aren't coming home, call. So people don't worry, it's not about age, it's about respect and safety. These are top priority in BDSM too.

See the full post

336 notes - Posted September 15, 2022

#4

Guys! Can we please talk about this moment.

Porsche is normally the one doing the picking up in his sexual escapades. Look at him just fucking flying at Kinn. It's so natural and he is so happy.

392 notes - Posted May 29, 2022

#3

Kinnporsche Masterlist

Thoughts & running commentary by episode: Masterlist

My Dominant/sub posts: Masterlist

Different D/s roles

Kinn being The Dom of Kinnporsche 1-14 Masterlist

Porsche being the brat submissive of Kinnporsche by iffy

Vegas and Pete S/m: Masterlist

Other Masterlists

Unforgotten Night

My Beautiful Man

Not Me

Love In The Air

Until We Meet Again

Between Us

Movie Reviews: Love and Leashes

For other master lists check out Coconuts Mafia

By the way, you can all thank @liankuea for this.

Please Re-blog, I love it! But please do not repost any of my blog onto other social medias without giving me credit. I do have requests to Re-blog in a different language with credit. I'm absolutely good with that 💜

If you don't address me in an Ask with at least Hi Luta, don't expect me to be nice. Why?

405 notes - Posted May 13, 2022

#2

I'm seeing a lot of comments saying Porsche is the Dominant. I mean, I see some of your points and the validity in them. I just don't agree nor see it. Maybe I'm making correlations because, I personally live in a relationship with a Dominant male who is a sexual submissive to me.

Let's unpack the questions and see.

Porsche called Kinn out on his jealousy. He sure did, but it was in a submissive brat manner. As I mentioned in my notes it's all in the body language. He is not moving towards Kinn in a domineering stance he has leaned back and shifts down. Yet he is using his words to goad Kinn. What do you think submissive brat behavior is? It's struggling, small annoyances, and verbally talking back.

Because Porsche took control of the hand job at the end. Okay, this one I don't know what to think about it. I mean you're basically saying if I give my husband a hand job. Get him off but continue to get finger banged and lose myself in an orgasim that I am no longer Dominant. Well, okay, let me just go tell my husband that I'm not Dominant, hahaha! We'll just ignore the Dominant stance of Kinn's hand controlling Porsche's head the entire time, hmm.

He calls him out on the lack of trust. This is just fucking insulting to a submissive. It implies they are doormats to take abuse. That is not what submission is! It is a power imbalance but it does not take away a submissive's right to be treated with respect. Yes, there are some submissives that do enjoy that but it is a subcategory of submissive and does not describe all of them.

I've already explained the neck. Porsche's five second touching of Kinn's throat is in no way comparable to the complete control Kinn had over Porsche's entire fucking head. Not only that, there is absolutely no rule stating a submissive can't touch the throat. A D/s relationship is subject to their own personal guidelines of what is allowed. And to be very honest, I'm 89% sure that was an Apo move done unintentionally.

Porsche keeps proving he is the one in control and owns Kinn. Want me to point out each and every time Kinn used ownership words for Porsche and Porsche allowed it. Basked in it even but never once tried to return it. "Vegas always wants what's mine" "My bodyguard" "When you are done return to me both the gun and yourself" I mean that whole statement right there was ownership with Porsche smiling.

Now let me also point out to you Kinn's Dominant "come give me a hug" to which Porsche readily responds. He does not ASK Porsche for a hug, he commanded. A sub asks, like how Porsche does with Kinn on multiple occasions. He not only uses words but body language, the only time this changes is when he is being a brat.

Edited to talk about Kinn showing vulnerability. Do you guys really think that my husband has never held me as I cried. That as a Dominant, that I've some how given up the right to break down? That this somehow makes me less? Let me assure you that is all far from the truth.

Another edit because there keeps being more. Porsche was above Kinn which signifies the switch in power I've got to disagree. Notice how Porsche didn't put himself above Kinn, Kinn purposely placed him above him. When Porsche turns around from the mirror they are even. Kinn grips the back of Porsche's neck (again, Dominant move) and then lowers himself to inhale Porsche. From that point on Kinn is purposely placing Porsche above him. It's an apology.

Okay, thank you for coming to my Luta talk. Please feel free to ask any questions but don't come at me. 💜💜💜 Please understand that if you don't agree with me on the D/s or even who the D/s are. I respect that. Some of the above though is not only inaccurate to the community it's insulting.

425 notes - Posted May 22, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

The D/s series: Kinn as a Dominant

(This is a companion piece to Iffervescent's sub post, that can be found here)

There have been a lot of requests for more information on the Kinnporsche D/s element. The amazing Iffervescent and I thought that we could provide this information to you all while enjoying ourselves. Seriously. You should have seen me taking this BDSM (Iffervescent's Idea!) as Kinn. The test was fun, interesting, and a little stare into a light bulb to cleanse my mind. Then excited babbling about the results afterwards. So without further delay.

Could It Be More Accurate!!

So Kinn is a Dom. What is a Dom and how so? Dom/sub: Is a power balance. A Dominant, or Dom, refers to BDSM relationships and the role one person takes. In this role, this person has more control/power/authority in the D/s relationship.

Though a Dom wants and needs control. They are also the ones with the responsibility to care for and the protection of their sub.

You can clearly see how Kinn is the Dominant in the relationship between him and Porsche. It's there in the way he'll push and pull Porsche, he controls Porsche's movements especially his head, the crock of his finger and especially in how he cages Porsche in until he calms down. It's in the way that once Porsche feels that he has his Doms attention, he relaxes.

See the full post

450 notes - Posted May 30, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[underground-mus1c]

UNDERGROUND POST #2

10-7-22

Today we will discuss some of the top rising talents in the underground music world with under 10K followers on IG. These artists are indeed "underground". While some of these artists have a strong community of listeners they are only steps away from breaking through.

The first artist we will look at is Chris Cart3r (IG: @chriscart3rmusic ). Cart3r has 7+ singles and EPs out on all platforms. One of his top songs "Lost" features M.I.C. as a guest artist. This track touches on the love that seems to be lost between two people. While Cart3r touches on topics of love, longing, curiosity, and desire in this specific track, he is not limited to the range of other themes ... which he displays in the rest of his discography. Cart3r has new music dropping on 10/26. This is a highly anticipated EP/LP where he demonstrates his ability to create a wide variety of different sounds. Cart3r was kind enough to send us four of his unreleased songs that will be featured on the album. To say the very least, we are excited. There is so much to look forward to on this project. One of our favorites is a song titled "Had it all". This is a slower track than what we are used to with Cart3r, but nevertheless, this song is straight from the heart. We won't go into much more of the unreleased music because it is not ours to share... but be on the lookout for it (dropping on 10/20/22).

Another artist that is making a name for himself is Mati (IG: @matis.mp3 ). Mati is a Minneapolis-based rapper with a ton of flame. With only 3 singles of his own out now, we have a lot to look forward to. His tune "Back to the basics" touches on his early life and the different hardships that he faced. He takes on two different voices in this tune. He has a higher, melodic tone when singing the hook and takes on a lower tone of voice when talking about some of the more serious moments in this song. The two different voices could symbolize his growth throughout his life. Another track that has caught people's attention is "Please don't tempt me". If you haven't heard it yet... go check it out. We would classify this song as an "instant add". This slow track says a lot about who Mati is as an artist and how versatile he is. We are excited to keep track of him as he is making his way through the industry. Mati has new music coming out on 10-14-22 and we highly recommend checking him out before he blows up.

These two artists are featured on our Instagram page @underground_mus1c be sure to go check us out and follow us there for more new music every day! We will link our Instagram below as well as links to these artists so you can go check them out. Feel free to leave a comment on this post, we would love to hear what you have to say! Also, since all of the work we do is for free and for the benefit of the artists we do ask if you are willing and financially able to donate to us so we can keep doing what we are doing. Link to Venmo down below!

[cycat4077]

My Sonnyshine is finally smiling, truly smiling and happy and that's all I've ever wanted for him 🥺😭

[thewhizzyhead]

a non-filipino's guide to trese: ep 1

So some of my mutuals decided to check out Trese aka the Netflix adaptation of the Filipino horror comic book series that I keep rambling about here and then since well um most of my mutuals aren’t from the Philippines fshfs I decided to make a long-ass post that basically consists of me rambling about the cultural context present in Trese with fun little tidbits about Filipino folklore. I’m not an expert on Filipino mythology so um I just typed out the stuff that I know and the stuff that I looked up on Wikipedia so um take this with a grain of salt aaaaa I’ll save the extensive google scholar research ramble on folklore present in Trese for another day.

I’ll try to find the sites where I got some of the information from cause um yea I kinda had a bit of a hard time finding the other shit so um once again, take the stuff here with a grain of salt. Also, feel free to add more info if you guys got any!

SO ANYWAYS ENJOY ME RAMBLING ABOUT EPISODE 1 OF TRESE WOO

+ MRT and LRT (Manila Metro Rail Transit and Light Rail Transit) are train systems in NCR (the capital region) and yea them suddenly stopping and malfunctioning in the middle of the goddamn rail is a daily occurrence and we have been trying to deal with this bullshit for years but alas, corruption and negligence are sweet sweet drugs.

+ When the MRT broke down, you'd see a red bee in the flashing billboard right? Well that's Jollibee and that's probably the most well-known fast food restaurant chain here heck there are even branches of it abroad!

+ According to many youtube comments along with other social media posts that I am way too tired to link here, the opening theme is an Ifugao ethnic song called Balluha'd Bayyauhen but with modern accompaniments and I think the song is about a fruit called a balluha that the character in the song tries to it but cannot swallow. (someone please correct me if I’m wrong here fjkfs)

+ The first um monster that we see Alexandra interact with is the White Lady of Balete Drive. White Ladies or “Kaperosa” are a type of female ghosts typically dressed in ghostly white dresses or similar garments. According to legend, she died in a car accident while driving along Balete Drive (a two lane street formerly lined with Balete Trees which are said to be a home for spirits and mysterious creatures) in Quezon City while other accounts say she died waiting for the arrival of her lover; others also say that she was a teenage girl who was run over and killed by a taxi driver at night and then buried around a Balete tree while another variation of the tale claims that a student from the University of the Philippines was sexually assaulted and killed by a taxi driver nearby and so said ghost haunts the street in search of her murderer. There are many other variations but according to local rumor, the legend was fabricated by a reporter in 1953 in order to make an interesting story. What remains consistent in many variations is that apparently taxi drivers would be stopped by a beautiful lady asking for a ride and if one would look at the rear window, they would see that the white lady in question is bruised and drenched in blood.

+ There are a lot of mentions about "lakans" and stuff in reference to Alex and her father right? In precolonial times, the term is used to refer to the paramount ruler or the highest-ranking political authorities in Tagalog communities (so um NCR and some parts of Region 4). In Muslim communities, they are called sultans while communities with strong trade connecitons with Indonesia or Malaysia called them Rajah. Datu is umm the more generalized term though when it comes to discussing the leaders of the precolonial Filipinos.

+ So, Alex’s mom is a babaylan and back in the pre-colonial period, each barangay (which a native filipino term for a village or a district; said term is still used today to describe um divisions in municipalities like) had them and these are basically Philippine shamans and they specialized in communicating with the spirits of the dead. To my knowledge, the role of babaylan went to women and yea people assigned male at birth but then identified as female were also allowed to become babaylans and they would be treated with the same respect given to any woman back then (honestly I dunno much about lgbtq+ stuff back in the precolonial times but all I know is that precolonial Filipinos were much a lot more welcoming towards trans identities bUT THEN THE SPANIARDS CAME AND UM ERR RUINED THAT); also the writing Alexandra's mom did in that one scene with the dagger is in Baybayin - preHispanic Filipino script. I dunno what she wrote down though. .

+ Also I kinda find it funny that the people here esp those who were at the White Lady scene are um,,, not at all surprised? Like yea quite a number of filipinos have their own superstitions and beliefs and all that but um yea the people in Trese seem very used to the bullshit,,,which in retrospect, isn't at all inaccurate fsdfd I MEAN WE DEAL WITH UNSURMOUNTABLE AMOUNTS OF BS ON A DAILY BASIS SO I DON’T THINK DEAD GHOSTS WOULD EVEN FAZE MANY FSKJDS

+ The one that appears right before Alexandra talks with the duwende (the one in the manhole) is called Laman Lupa (which i guess translates to um "What is in the earth"? just um YEA THEY ARE DIRT CREATURES). normally this is an umbrella term for duwendes and nunos but in Trese they are servants of these aforementioned creatures.

+ Duwende (which came from the Spanish phrase "dueno de case" which means "owner of the house") or dwarves in Filipino folklore are known to be mischievous and magical environmental guardians. They are believed to reside in trees or under earth mounds (those that live in the latter are called nuno sa pundo or old man of the mount) which is why quite a lot of Filipinos say "tabi tabi po" or “excuse me” when wandering around a forest or earth mounds as a sign of respect and in the hopes the duwende won't torment them. If the person is friendly, the duwende can also be friendly in return and will bring that person good lucl; otherwise, those who destroy their homes by stepping on them will face their wrath in form of heartless curse and predictions of ominous and disastrous fates. A duwende's color also depends on their budhi or conscience: to my knowledge, white duwendes are kind, red ones give protection amulets, green ones are firnedly with children and the black ones give nothing but trouble.

+ Chocnut aka the snack Alex bribes the nuno with is a very yummy chocolate snack made of coconut milk, crushed peanuts and cocoa powder. They are umm about an inch in length and maybe half an inch in width so it's fairly small; that being said I WANT THE CHOCNUT THAT ALEXANDRA HAS CAUSE HOT DAMN THAT'S A BIG CHOCNUT

+ In Trese, the creatures in the MRT scene and in the warehouse Alexandra visits after she talks with the duwende are called "aswang". In Philippine folklore, it is an umbrella term for any kind of monster so um an aswang in Luzon would be very different from the aswang in Mindanao. According to what I saw on wikipedia, they can be classified in 5 categories: the vampire (self-explanatory um they drink blood), the viscera sucker (the manananggal, i'll get to that next time), the weredog (cats and pigs are also possible but um yea they target pregnant women), the witch (self-explanatory boom curses and stuff) and the ghoul (they gather near trees in cemeteries to feast on human corpses). Aswangs are often described to have a long, hollow tongue, sharp claws and sharp teeth, although they do also have human forms.

+ To my knowledge, Ibwa, the leader of the aswangs in the warehouse, is a creature from Tinguian or Itneg mythology (they, like the Ifugao, are an indigenous ethnic group in northwestern Luzon) though I could be wrong about this dksfsf Ibwa seems like an ethnic filipino term tho wah I can't remember where I once read that. But anyways, Ibwa often stalk sthe house of a dying person to steal its body. In order for the ibwa to NOT succeed in that, some people burn holes in the garments of the dead and put a sharp iron object on top of the grave since those are most powerful weapons against aswangs which is what Alexandra uses to subdue the Ibwa and kill all the other aswangs (the knife alex uses is named Sinag which means "ray of light".)

+ ALSO I AM SO SO GLAD THEY KEPT THE FILIPINO SWEARS IN THE ENGLISH DUB YES YES THIS IS A VERY GOOD JOB so lemme discuss the versatility of tangina-

+ Also umm Bossing is a nickname of Vic Sotto - one of the three pioneer hosts of Eat Bulaga! which is the longest running Philippine noontime variety show. Over time, most probably due to the show's popularity, the term "bossing" then became um slang for "boss" or "chief"

+ Translation of what Alex says when she's stirring the eye inside the cup: “In the eyes of others, secrets will reveal themselves.”

+ Sidenote: The English dub's pronunciation of many of the tagalog lines are um yea they r pretty good but they could use a bit of work but then again I'm really not that good in speaking in Tagalog so who am I to judge gkdkf sorry po guys conyo po ako-

+ Maria Makiling is arguably the most famous of all the diwatas (ancestral spirits, nature spirits, or deities) in Philippine Mythology; she is associated with Mount Makiling in Laguna as the guardian spirit of the mountain. Mount Makiling is said to resemble a profile of a woman and people associate the profile with Maria herself. She is also known as a goddess by the name of Dayang Masalanta and people would pray to her for safety and to stop storms and earthquakes. That's the goddess Alexandra's mother mentions right when she tells Alex to hide. (Translation to what she said there: Maria Makiling, goddess of the mountain, bless us.)

+ ALSO YEA THAT MAYOR IN THE MRT STATION IS UMMM RATHER REMINISCENT OF MAAAANY POLITICIANS AND PUBLIC SERVANTS HERE LIKE BELIEVE ME I CAN THINK OF SO MANY NAMES RN. THEY WOULD FLAUNT THEIR MACHISMO AND PROMISE THAT THEY THEMSELVES SHALL PUNISH THE PERPETRATORS HARSHLY BUT IN THE END THEY DONT MEAN SHIT AND ARE IN OFFICE TO SERVE ONLY THEMSELVES AND TO SHIT ON THE REST ESP THOSE OF THE POORER SECTORS AND *NOTHING IS DONE ABOUT IT*. WE LIVE IN HELL OKAY. also hmm how the police are represented here is umm,,,interesting,,, like i know there are sOME good police officers like the ones alexandra assists but like,,,our current sociopolitical climate + the many cases showcasing the corruption in the police force + tHE SHEER AMOUNT OF POLICE BRUTALITY HERE would ummm beg to differ. but um anyways-

+ Also Mang Inasal posters can be seen in the MRT station backdrops and um it’s a very famous restaurant chain here and they serve lots of barbecue and other filipino stuffs and i miss them a lot God their halo halo is very yummy

+ Santelmo - oki so this is the fire face thingy that Alexandra summons inside the ruined train. This is the shortened version of the term "Apoy ni Santa Elmo" or "St. Elmo's Fire" - this is a weather phenomenon wherein plasma is created from an electrical discharge from a rod like object in an atmospheric electric field. This phenomenon was used to warn of imminent lightning strikes or storms (there is a chapter in Noli Me Tangere where Pilosopo Tasyo talks about that bUT I'LL SAVE THE NOLI ME TANGERE RAMBLES FOR ANOTHER DAY). But according to Philippine folklore, santelmos - which are said to be souls of people lost as sea - are balls of fire that appear where accidents or big arguments happen. In Trese, santelmos (alex's santelmo being "The Great Spirit of the Binondo Fire") can be called to assist in supernatural investigations

+ Translation of what Alex says when she draws the circles to meet with the purple ghosts: "Souls, where are you off to? I'll be entering too, so please open the door."

+ Remember the scene at the train with all the purple ghosts and the woman in a veil? Yea the woman is an emissary of a goddess named Ibu and she is the Manobo (again, another indigenous ethnic group but this time they're from Mindanao; fun fact we have around 134 ethnic groups) goddess of deceased mortals and the queen of the underworld; she also serves as a psychopomp and guides the newly deceased souls to the other side (having an MRT be the ride to the underworld isn’t in the legends tho so fkkjsf)

+ The aswang in the top hat is called Xa Mul and according to the Isneg/Apayao people (yay another ethnic group but this time in northern Luzon - the Cordillera regions to be specific), they are an evil spirit known to swallow people whole.

+ Alex has two henchmen right? Yea they are named Crispin and Basillio and No I still don’t know who’s who and I'm really sorry about that fsfjs so anyways the names Crispin and Basillio are actually those of two brothers featured in the Noli Me Tangere and El Filibusterismo novels (Crispin is younger and Basilio is older) which are basically the national novels here cause um yea written by national hero Jose Rizal as sociopolitical commentary about the Spanish regime here. I don't know if I want to spoil this cause I kinda want other people to read the novel too fskfs BUT ALL IN ALL, ONE OF THEM DIES IN LIKE THE 10TH OR 11TH CHAPTER OF NOLI ME TANGERE (and the novel has 64 chapters btw) AND UM YEA-

+ OKI SO TO ADD MORE CONTEXT TO THE SQUATTER STUFFS MENTIONED IN TRESE (we r gonna use the tiny font here because holy shit this rant is long): So,in the Philippines, especially in the capital region, there are lots of slum areas called squatters. These are dense urban settlements made of compact makeshift housing units that aren't really officially recognized by the government. This is um very reflective of the poverty situation here and there are maaany factors that come into play here and if i were to go into depth about this topic, that rant would probably turn into an academic paper so for the sake of brevity, let's just say that Things Are Fucked Up Here. Oftentimes the poorer sectors are being ignored and left to their own devices despite tons of campaign promises to make things better and easier for them. The communities that live here are incredibly vulnerable to floods, fires, and the like and afaik no concrete solutions have been in effect to protect these people and their settlements. There have also been many times where squatter areas are dismantled or demolished despite protests of people living in those areas and yea I understand the need to make space and the need for renovation but the people should still be offered some sort of temporary settlement or financial compensation thingy that doESN'T fuck them over but alas, we have an anti-poor government. That being said, I really like Trese Ep 1's portrayal of governmental negligence, but I also have some thoughts, especially in regards to the mayor being arrested THAT FAST which um believe me, NEVER FUCKING HAPPENS BECAUSE MANY MAYORS AND A LOT OF POLITICIANS HAVE THE POLICE IN THEIR POCKETS SO UM ERR YEA JUSTICE IS RARELY A THING HERE BUT UM ANYWAYS YEA THE GOVERNMENT LIKES TO SHIT ON THE POOR WOO LET'S SAVE THE USE OF SOCIOLOGICAL LENS ON THIS MATTER FOR ANOTHER DAY

+ The news channel reporting the arrest of the mayor is ABC-ZNN WHICH IS AN OBVIOUS REFERENCE TO ABSCBN aka the top media conglomerate here (that has been fucked over by the government so many times to the point that they had to shut down operations last year which is all sorts of unfair so seeing them being referenced here kinda made me happy gksfks)

[jenniferdiazisatransgirl]

Predicting Lumity

So back in the SVTFOE fandom, I would make predictions on where trans Marco evidence might appear. It was relatively easy as you had Star as the protagonist and Marco as the deuteragonist. Generally there’d be a good few episodes where Marco’s name would get an express mention in the episode description and there was a high chance Marco would be in other episodes.

The Owl House however is a lil trickier with predicting Lumity content. I mean “Escaping Expulsion” and “Through The Looking Glass Ruins” were gonna have clear Lumity moments because of Amity being in the description, but beyond this Amity isn’t guaranteed to be in every episode and she does at times appear in episodes where her name isn’t mentioned in the ep description, “Wing It Like Witches” for example which as we know had some huge Lumity moments. Additionally, Dana Terrace has said romance won’t be a huge focus of the show so Lumity is a plot happening additionally, which works really well but figuring out where it will appear next is hard.

That being said, “Through The Looking Glass Ruins” leaves on a huge moment. I mean it might not be safe to say Lumity is canon yet, but it is hella close. Luz and Amity have expressed their feelings to one another and now Amity has gone and kissed Luz. I can’t imagine this gonna be left unresolved too long. So my prediction of where some Lumity moments might appear in the episodes we have a description for;

“Hunting Palismen”

Episode Description: It's Palisman Pairing Day at Hexside, but Luz doesn’t match with a Palisman of her own and soon finds herself on an unexpected journey with a foe.

So I highly suspect that Amity could appear in this episode. My logic being that this takes place at Hexside (initially at least) and chances are Willow and Gus will be hanging with Luz discussing what Palisman they may get before we jump into things. After “Through The Looking Glass Ruins” though I can definitely imagine any interaction between Luz and Amity at this point is gonna be hella awkward, but cute at the same time. Amity perhaps actively avoiding Luz.

The fact that Luz is then gonna go find herself on an unexpected journey with a foe makes me suspect we won’t really see anything be resolved in this episode though. I kinda suspect the Golden Guard will be the foe.

“Knock, Knock, Knockin’ on Hooty’s Door”

Episode Description: Hooty tries to help King, Eda and Luz with their problems, but it doesn't go as planned.

I’m not gonna say this will definitely have a Lumity moment, but I can imagine one of Luz’s problems as well as needing to get back to Earth will be her feelings Amity and assuming nothing is resolved in the previous two episodes, what went down at the end of “Through The Looking Glass Ruins”. As for what happens, your guess is as good as mine, as things apparently don’t go to plan. Trust Hooty to mess up what I’m guessing is just giving advice 😂

But anyway, these are the next two episodes out of the 3 we have named where I think some albeit minimal Lumity content may appear. I hope you enjoy and please feel free to like, comment and reblog 😊

[gardenerian]

Feel free to ignore this ask if its too personal! But I just read your ask on whether the show properly represents Ian's BD, and I agree with a lot of your points, especially based on my own personal experience, that when they decided to address it and work with it, they seem to do a good job, but they only really focus on it for individual eps instead of it being a constant part of his story. But that does make me wonder, what's your opinion on Ian in s8? because he's spiraling even from ep 1, like weather-wise it seems like s8 take place in the spring, maybe like April/mayish, which is only a few months after losing Mickey, and his mother, who is the only person who he feels would understand his disorder. And he doesn't get any real support from his family, they just act like he should move on from it. It definitely continues the trend of ian looking for external love and validation and comfort to make him feel better, like with how he jumped from trying to get comfort from Trevor to from trying to get comfort from helping the kids. But I also feel like that's a storyline where they really dropped the ball trying to portray BD because they seem to think it's funny that he's manic? Like the scene where he essentially prostitutes himself for the shelter, it seems like we're supposed to think its funny when it's just another example of him having sexual trauma and thinking of his body as the only thing that makes him worthwhile? idk, I was just wondering what your take on that was, i always really love reading your thoughts <3

hey there! thanks for this ask. i have to be honest - i am bad at meta. but that doesn't mean i won't charge right into it with unearned confidence anyways! i have.... so much to say about s8 ian. i said quite a bit about it in this post that discusses ian's manic episode and where he might have gone off his meds since the show chose not to tell us fuckin anything about his illness and kinda just made him seem like an asshole for several straight episodes sdfhaosdj

but! you bring up lots of things i have not discussed much - and i am excited to do so now! thank u 😌 as always, i invite anyone to chime in!

so i'm just gonna respond to the really insightful points you bring up - if anyone has other thoughts, please do add on/ comment or message me!

you're right that it kinda seems like ian's disorder is not as integrated in his story as it could be after s6. they bring it up just often enough (7x03, 10x09) to be like hey! look, we didn't forget about this! s8.... it's like they wrote themselves into a corner with him and then went "oh!! we can make him manic!!!!"

i'm not saying he needs to be flying off the handle all the time or anything, but stable does not necessarily mean a total absence of symptoms. i don't really know what it would look like to include it more thoroughly in the show - maybe someone cleverer than i can comment on this? - as i wouldn't want him to be reduced to a walking mental disorder, but i'd appreciate just some signs that it's still there, y'know? i think cam worked that in a bit in where he could? but it's just noticeably absent once it's not relevant to the plot (imo).

i think there's a shift from his struggle in 8x01-8x03 to what starts after 8x04. in those first three episodes, he's absolutely hurting after losing monica and (more privately) mickey. he's agitated and grieving, and i think this is the trigger for the episode that really starts manifesting in 8x04 and beyond.

i think it's fascinating that you bring up monica being the only one to really understand his disorder, bc really, that's true. she was the only one in his life who understood what it felt like. the others educated themselves and sympathized, but they couldn't know. i absolutely grieve for that lost opportunity - the chance for them to really bond over it, share their experiences and struggles. she could have been such a resource for him. still, he knows she 'gets it' at her core, and it unites them in whatever way it can. but when she calls him at the end of s7, she's listed as 'do not answer' or something like that, and he is hesitant to see her. he loves her, but he's terrified of her. he resents her, despite his pull to her. so losing her like that, with their last encounter being so unpleasant... there's just no closure.

the others had somewhat happier moments with her before she died (save for carl). they got just a few more moments with her. and they didn't even feel for her the way ian did. so after she dies, it's over for them. they all take 7x12 to reflect and come to some kind of peace. i don't think it ever really occurred to them that the grief and loss would stretch beyond the immediate aftermath of her death. so when ian is still struggling months later, it just doesn't compute. fiona is straight up surprised to hear that ian is upset about it. carl cannot fathom why ian doesn't want to get rid of her stuff. so no, he doesn't get much support in those episodes, bc his sibling genuinely cannot empathize (no slight to them! they had complicated relationships with their mom) - fiona has a lovely moment with him in that hot tub, but there's not much sustained support.

but the trend with him looking for external love - yeah. it's just incredibly sad to watch him blindly reach for purpose and validation. he really should have let trevor go, but he's clinging to some sense of normalcy and comfort. and this is why the idea of helping the kids, and how it evolves into his religious mission, makes sense to me, even if i don't think it's written very well. he's always had this righteous vision for himself, and he kinda throws himself into it here. i just..... it could have been so powerful. instead, it's just like each episode happens without any real cohesion? we are watching ian act without any real understanding of his motivations - other than what we already know about him.

and it's just... it's not totally clear that he is manic until the storyline hits its peak. i did my best in that other meta post to decipher how it happens and where his symptoms are, but you could also just say "wow, ian's kind of a dick this season" and it would also make sense. i remember watching it for the first time and being like... i think i know where this is going? but i can't tell??? and i'm all for suspense, but to me it just felt lazy and muddled.

but yes, it's not treated the same as his s4/s5 episodes. or even that hypo moment in 7x03. we don't see how ian is feeling or thinking, we just see him doing. the narrative style of the show has fully flipped at this point. shameless was always outlandish in their storylines, but this.... it's so cartoonish. it's like he's not just manic, he's a caricature of manic ian. the way it's presented as another wacky shameless storyline - yikes. i don't think every instance of his disorder has to be WEIGHTY and DRAMATIC... but if it's gonna end with him in fucking jail and losing his job.... yeah. the storytelling needs to feel worth that suffering. and it's just? not? at all?????

the way he sleeps with that couple aisdjsdjfhahhhh! that could have been SUCH an important turning point in this season's arc. like the first sight of him in that club in s4, or the porn in s5... this could have been a crucial moment for understanding his headspace and we just don't get it. it would have been so easy to thread his episodes together and! they don't!!! there is much to connect between his previous grooming, manic s4/s5 ian, and manic s8 ian but it just doesn't happen! so we have NO CLUE where his head is.

basically most of s8 (and the start of s9 with him in jail WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?) is a huge disservice to ian's disorder and his character. ALSO - s9 where he's still waiting for shim? and lip and fiona are like wtf? THAT COULD HAVE BEEN SOMETHING. he's still recovering from his episode and CLEARLY symptoms are lingering........ and they didn't!!! talk about it!!!!!!!!!!! WHY!!!!!!!! they missed so much of his s8 episode, this could have been such an opportunity for them to talk! and i know the siblings very much had their own shit going on, but for them to so blatantly miss his mania (no matter how terribly it was written) does not make sense to me.

anyways this has gotten too long and once again i am telling myself to please shut up oh my goddddddd! i could go on all day but i think this is enough 😌 ty for this discussion and please feel free (any of you!) to add on to this or drop by my inbox!

ian is hanging out in his garden right now. the sun is shining, and he and mickey are sitting in the dirt and smelling the earth. just in case anyone needs a palate cleanser after reading this. did anyone read this? blink twice if you need help.

[argumentl]

The Freedom of Expression Ep 56 - Dir en grey live with audience scheduled! and, Thinking about the aftermath of inappropriate remarks.

K: Hi, this is Dir en grey's Kaoru, with this week's episode of The Freedom of Expression. Joe, Tasai, welcome. Um, I think it was two days ago, Dir en grey announced that we will do a live show.

T, J: *applause*

T: How long has it been?

K: Well, as for proper lives, its been since last year in February when we were on the European tour. We did do the no-audience lives since then, but as for lives with an audience, thats how long its been.

T: Its a big decision, isn't it?

J: Yeah, and people have been waiting, right?

K: Well, I think people will have a lot of opinions about it, and its a bit hard to say to people, 'Please come!'... Well, as for why we havn't been doing lives, of course its because of corona..there was a risk there. As for the live venues, within these restrictions we weren't sure whether we would be able to complete the type of show we wanted to do...Like, the audience can't use their voice etc. So I was a little concerned when I thought about that, but at the same time, it's strange to say 'it can't be helped', but I thought we could at least try it once. You know, like a live show within these restrictions. We might even get some new feeling or new atmosphere out of it that we've never had before. I mean, we might not, but like, rather than not doing it and worrying, we could just give it a try once, and it might even turn us in some new direction. Then after we do it, we can think about what to do next.

J: I see. Yeah, if you spend all your time thinking it over, nothing will happen, right?

K: Yeah. Well, its not bad to do that though, I just wonder whether we might be able to create a new kind of experience in this way. We won't know if we don't try..

Kami: Um, if you don't try, you won't be able to say what it was like, will you?

K: Well, yeah, thats right. I'd like to experience it.

T: Yeah, within the restrictions, see what type of performance you can create.

K: Well, and people are slowly beginning to restart this kind of thing.

Kami: Um, doesn't it kind of feel like having a school fieldtrip, but being sick so you couldn't go, and then afterwards feeling sad that you missed out?

T: Haha

K: No, its not like that.

T, J: Hahaha

J: Nearly, Kami.

T: Yeah, nearly.

Kami: I didn't get it.

J: Your example was very easy to understand, but it was wrong.

T, K: Haha

Kami: Ok.

K: Well, well, I mean, it wasn't the right example, but the feeling is similar I suppose.

Kami: Ah! See, it is similar! I was right!

J: Oh, Im sorry Kami.

T: Haha

K: So, we're gonna do it. So for anyone who wants to experience this, I'd like you to come and see us... Ok, well..

J: Yes, today's topic is...well, this topic is a little old already, its about Mori Yoshio and the Olympic committee. He has made a run of problematic comments like 'if there are a lot of women, the meetings will last longer', and 'famous people could carry the Olympic torch only through rice fields', and has been forced to resign. Well, this has been big news, but well, this program is about 'The Freedom of Expression', so from that perspective, could you not say that he just slipped up? He slipped up, but shouldn't he still have freedom of expression? Of course, I think these were careless remarks, uttered without a sense of responsibility, but whats the best way to deal with a situation like this? What about just telling the person in question to stop it? Is that enough? So, thats the theme today, in regards to freedom of expression, of course you are free to say what you want, but what should be done if what you say is thoughtless, or clearly at odds with the common view in society? Is it ok to just criticize the comments only? So its quite a serious topic about the freedom of expression today.

T: Well, as for me, if I had to say...I'd say im in the 'if it creates further discussion then its ok' camp. Um, he's a tv celeb now, but do you remember when Sugimura Taizō won his first election? He said, 'I want to go to the high-class restaurants', you know, like political meetings at high-class restaurants? And he was criticized a lot for that. But when I interviewed him in person, I asked him about how he had felt at that time, he said he was simply just curious about whether this type of thing really went on in the world of politics. It was a pretty innocent thing, but when he said it, he was called into question massively. Thats what he said when I asked him. So I don't really think we will make any progress in situations like this, if we don't stop and think about why a person might say things before we launch an attack.

J: I see. Kaoru, what do you think?

K: Nothings come out it in terms of making a bad thing better. I think its a good thing to start a discussion out of it afterwards.

J: Yeah

K: Of course if its wrong, its wrong, but it seems natural to ???*1

J: This all reminds me of this difficult word we hear in the media a lot, 'political correctness'. Like, being forced into the political medium ground, and if you ever make a small mistake with what you say, you'll be accussed of being wrong. People are scared of being targeted like this...Even when you see press conferences, people will only ever talk about thier own position, so as an observer, even press conferences get boring. I'd like people to speak their raw words more, I want to hear what they really think. But if they did, they would be accused of saying the wrong thing. Its like you said Kaoru, if their mistake was shared it might end up heading in a better direction, but if people just immediately and triumphantly scream, 'Thats wrong!', then I have a feeling its gonna carry on like this forever. Its important to think about whether the mistake can be repaired. Anyone makes mistakes. Whatever you say, it will be different from what some other people think. And rather than fixing the mistake, I think some people see it as a game of winning or losing.

K: You can't just say 'sorry', can you?

J: No, you can't. Why is that??

K: This type of person (*Mori*) can't say it for some reason.

J: Like, 'I'M SORRY, I'M REALLY SORRY FOR WHAT I SAID!!

K: ??*2

J: Then they would understand their mistake, and be able to fix it. I think that would be ok!

T: Yeah, we should give people a chance. If you don't point out their mistake, and let them say sorry..

J: Even though it would be good to create that kind of grown-up environment, with everyone on the attack so much these days, people are so cautious about what they say now, the press conferences are more like rituals. Its become a kind of never-ending ritualistic exchange.

K: If nothing is done, Mori will never learn, right?

J: Thats right.

K: If someone just tells him he needs to change his ideas, he can take that to heart..well, did he?

J: Haha, well, I don't know, when he's that old, I don't know. But I think he probably felt something, surely. Also, we ourselves are getting old, and when we get that old, some stuff that was correct for our generation will suddenly become wrong, right? We could say something, and people would be like, 'Eh?!', even though it was fine for our generation. We are bound to be caught up like this eventually. Honestly, there will be people who saw this press conference with Mori, who didn't realise what was wrong at first. You know, with Mori's remarks.

T: People from his generation may even sympathise with him, they might not understand.

J: Yes, yes, yes. But if it was made into a public discussion, they might start to understand the problem. There might be people in that generation who don't understand that saying this type of thing about women is complete prejudice.

T: But as you said Kaoru, when people get that old, the don't like saying sorry.

K: Ah, yeh.

T: So, I want people to be aware of the discussion that can happen after that.

J: It just makes me think eventually, we'll be in that generation. It will happen to us.

T: You might say this type of thing, Joe.

J: Yeah.

K: You already do, don't you?

J: Maybe. I might have harrased people without realising it. I might have said things to people which I thought would make them happy, but actually made them think I was really annoying.

K, T: Ah, yeah.

J: When you're in that kind of position with a huge public stage, you will suffer huge effects, but when you're in my kind of position, its not as decisive, so there is a possibility I'm also doing that. Its possible Im becoming like Mori.

T: Will your radio listerners be saying, 'Joe always says that kind of thing!'?

J: Yeah, now you mention it, Hiranabe was pretty bad. haha

T: Yeah, you could just write Hiranabe here instead of Mori, and it would fit. haha

J: Haha, he would definitely say that kind of thing. So, anyway, yeah, we have to be careful with this.

K: Well, even just discussing it like this is a good step.

J: It is, yes. Ah..Kami is quiet today.

Kami: Well, I thought this was pretty bad.

J: It was bad?　

Kami: Yeah, a long time ago I used to say things about women, and I got a fierce backlash, and realised I was wrong.  Um, it was a road trip with a few adults to an onsen, we went in a few different cars. During the drive I was talking about how women always take ages in the toilet, and one of them said that she is actually really quick in the toilet.

J, T: Haha

Kami: It was possibly bad timing that she started to need the toilet just then. She said she'd be quick, so asked us to stop at the next convenience store, so we stopped at some place like that. And I was like, 'Eh?! Already?! You're back?!'. She was so fast! So after that, I repented, I realised it wasn't the same for everyone. Then I gave up the front passenger seat for her.

J: Hahaha

T: What kind of story is this?! Kami thinks the front passenger seat is some kind of treat?

Kami: Well, anyway, that happened to me. People usually have this image that women take a long time in the toilet, don't they?

J: Yeah.

T: Are they fixing their make-up and stuff?

J: Some might be, yeah.

K: Well, men also have the stand-up option, right?

Kami: I realised at that time that it all depends on the person.

J: I see.

T: Ah, thats good, Kami learned something new?

Kami: Yeah.

J: Yeah, in regards to toilets.

K: If you took a long time in the toilet at school, they used to say you were doing a poo, right?

J: Ah yeh. You had to do it quickly, or they would be saying it all day. They would be saying like, 'This guy did a poo'. I wonder what its like for kids these days? 

T: Yeah, I'd like that to disappear. I want the toilet to be peaceful.

K: You felt something was coming if you went in the stall, right?

J: Yeah, they would throw water over the top, and shout 'This guy's doing a poo!'.

T: Yeah, yeah.

J: What was that all about?!

T: Well, I think boys' toilets should all be just individual stalls.

J, K: Ahh, yeh.

J: So you can't tell whether someones doing a no.1 or a no.2?

K: But recently there are people who sit on the toilet on their phones not actually pooing, aren't there?

T: There are, yeah. Even if I'm outside desperate to go.

J: Yeah, you can tell they aren't even trying to go, or they've already finished. Its totally silent in there. Or you suddenly hear them answering their phone. Its like, 'Hey! That cubucle is for doing a poo!'.

T: This is a big problem amongst men.

J: It is.

K: Ok, shall we finish on that note, haha. Please subscribe. Thank you very much.

*1,2 Couldn't catch/figure out.

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[sserpente]

So um I saw this twitter post on how the main reason the loki series was created in the first place was to make loki the first main character in the mcu to be bi, is this true? I mean I thought the reason it was created was because marvel wanted to continue on where loki went after he escaped in endgame. I know I shouldn't just belive everything I read on the Internet that's why I'm asking you about this. I kinda belive it for a second cuz ever since ep 3 of loki came out, Kate herron has been kinda pushing the fact that loki is bi in everybody's throats in a twitter post of hers and I quote "it was very important to me, and my goal, to acknowledge loki was bisexual." So yeah, I just need a second opinion on this cuz lately marvel has been kinda woke if you know what I mean if you know about the whole controversies on their new comics. I really don't want any of this to be real. I'm really looking forward to your response.

*blinks* Okay, first of all, I'm flattered you want my opinion on this because I didn't even work on the show and I am, in fact, just another Loki girl on the Internet, haha! Okay, so here me out:

The main reason? I really doubt that! The reason we got a Loki show is because Tom Hiddleston has been stealing the show for years. In fact, I strongly believe that it is OUR passion for this character and HIS incredible talent and commitment that Marvel went ahead with his own series. If Tom's Loki wasn't this popular, I'm pretty sure he would have stayed dead after TDW. So don't worry about that. ♥

As far as I'm concerned, Kate is bisexual herself. She loves Loki as a character, so her passion for this is understandable. I support the LGBTQ+ community with all my heart, so I too cheered when Loki cheekily went "A bit of both". They worked this lovely aspect of his character into the show and given that it's always been there both in the comics and in the myths, it was only a matter of time in the show, I guess. After all, they didn't really have the time to focus on that in the Thor films.

But, and this is very important now: Loki being bisexual doesn't define him. It's a meaningful aspect of him (an aspect that resonates with many fans which is great), part of who he is, sure--but it doesn't define him as a fictional character. He is Loki, the God of Mischief, not Loki, the MCU character who is a bisexual. A friend of mine is a lesbian but if I pointed this out to her every time we met or only referred to her as such, she would go mad. And she certainly wouldn’t keep talking about her being a lesbian every time we met either. It doesn’t define her. It’s part of who she is but it doesn’t define her entire being, let alone reduces her to that. Just... let people love whoever they want, you know?

In other words, I remember there being a few discussions on whether the show should include Loki’s sexuality or even love interests before it came out and I understood that worry to some extent simply because Loki has a lot on his plate right now. Think about it:

The last thing that happened to him was him finding out that he is a Frost Giant, why Odin favoured Thor all these years and that his entire life is a lie, him starting a desperate attempt to gain his adoptive father’s recognition, failing, trying to commit suicide, ending up with Thanos instead, getting tortured and being forced to invade New York City, failing again (presumably even intentionally) and now being about to be brought back to Asgard expecting Odin to execute him (which is not far-fetched—Odin said ‘Frigga is the only reason you’re still alive and you will never see her again’ in TDW so I’m sure Loki was almost certain to be executed by Odin). So when the Tesseract landed at his feet, he saw his chance so he took it and escaped and now the TVA is telling him that he shouldn't exist and forces him to work for them, else he will be disintegrated and he learns that he can't return to his own timeline, has no home. He is struggling with his identity and finding his place in the world, figuring out who he is and what he wants. Now imagine making all that only about his sexuality and gender identity and disregarding everything else or shoving it in the background. Doesn't make sense, right? Loki must learn to love himself first before anyone else, regardless of their gender identity, can love him. If he ever gets love interests in the future, I'm pretty sure it'll be a process full of angst and hurt. I don't know anything about those alleged controversies concerning the new comics though, so I wouldn't be able to comment on that.

A lot of people are staining society with their negativity and try to find negative aspects everywhere which is why I never interact with such posts on here or elsewhere, it’s not worth my energy. It starts with bisexuals who happen to end up in a relationship with the opposite gender and are being judged for it even within their own community and as of right now it continues where some individuals on the Internet insist that we all must now use "they/them" pronouns for Loki when even in the show, they use "he/him" pronouns for him and "she/her" pronouns for Sylvie--not every non-binary/genderfluid person exclusively uses “they/them” pronouns.

Most importantly, I really doubt that every future episode now will keep reminding the audience that Loki is bisexual. You’re probably not familiar with her but Alex, the winner of this year’s season of Germany’s Next Topmodel is transgender--and, at some point in the season, when she was asked by an interviewer about what she thinks about a transgender model winning Germany’s Next Topmodel, she said in her opinion, simply a woman would win Germany’s Next Topmodel because that is what she is, meaning that society should stop pointing out how “different” the LGBTQ+ community is by constantly pointing it out but instead to finally start acknowleding it as normal. She told her story once and that’s it--she wants to be considered a female model, not a transgender model. Being transgender is a part of her but it doesn’t define her entire being.

Puuh, now that was a very long answer. Please, anyone, feel free to add things, I’m happy to learn more about what you guys, especially if you’re in the community, think about it. ♥

[romanogers-lyrics]

TFAWS EP 6: Oh Captain MY Captain ✊🏽🦾

Sammyyyyyyyyyyy 😩😩😩😩👌👌👌👌

I friggen love they went with the comic accurate suit. Looking at it close up there’s so much attention to detail and textures

“I’m captain America” damnnnnn rightttt

Those vibranium wings thoooooo ✨✨✨

I love they gave Sam time in the sky and on the ground combat so we could see the full extent of the suit.

Redwing is back 💕💕💕

Karli is just full off the rails rn smdh. She seems lost and like she knows her time is running out

Okayyy I love how everyone in New York is just so used to world ending events they out there with their phones video taping and giving sideline commentary. Like- get to safety 😂😂😂

Cracker Barrel cap shows up with his trash shield 🤦🏻‍♀️and I was full on ready to hate this guy. But I gotta say... he got some respect there at the end. When faced with a clear choice between revenge and heroism he chose to save the civilians.

Bucky not even hesitating to help the innocent and getting to be a hero. Getting the thanks he deserves 😩👏

Bucky looking up at Sam like he’s a goddamn angel because he is!!!! That suit!!!

The wingspan!!! Caw caw

The guy who was like “that’s black falcon” vs “no that’s captain America!” Yessssss note the subtle generational difference there.

Sam saying I don’t want to fight you very similar to Steve and winter soldier. Never fighting to kill (@john Walker) but fighting to stop someone.

“You have the power of an insane god or a misguided teenager” he snapped 👏

Honestly not a fan of long speeches in a movie like this but Sammy was killing it. He did his JOB. Not just stopping the bad guys but standing up to power that be. He made sure Karli’s message got out there ✨🙌

Oh god Isaiah!!! Every time this man comes on screen it is water works for me 😭😭😭 I honestly didn’t think we’d see more of him after the last episode but goddammmmmmn they gave him such a beautiful closure. Not reparations of course bc nothing could erase that pain but really honored him 😭😭😭

When Sam says “including you” and looks at Isaiah I was done 🥺 bc it obviously meant so much for Isaiah to have someone he inspired and remembers him ✊🏽

The museum scene is such a perfect way to honor him bc he stays “dead” and safe from the gov but his legacy lives on. Okay 😭😭😭🥺😫😫😫

Zemo is like “ah hell nah I don’t want these supremacists as my roommates” 💥💥 Ngl it made me like Zemo more. He always gets the last word 👀

Okay I love you tfaws but I’m disappointed Sharon aka POWER BROKER didn’t have something more menacing planned foe Karli. Especially after all those texts saying “I will end you” Like sure sharon killed Karli but wasn’t anything special 😒

One more not even like gripe but a note- the talk between Bucky and Yori was too short. I wonder if it was a reshoot that they didn’t finish due to covid or what but definitely should have taken that moment. Given all the other difficult convos this show has shown in full I feel like this scene was meant to be longer. Idk 👀

I think from a writing perspective it would be nice to give that moment some privacy and leave us to imagine what was said. However- that was not done with other sensitive conversations so I still maintain it should have been longer

Omg Uncle Bucky with kids I’m so soft 🥺

The end when it flashed “Captain America and the winter soldier” 🤌🏼🤌🏼🤌🏼😭 I was already down for the count but gdddd

This show went so far beyond what I thought was possible and challenged/frustrated/comforted/healed me. Thank you so much to the creators cast and crew ilyyyyyy

Sorry short 🥺 I didn’t expect to be so satisfied

I don’t want to discuss cap 4 or season 2 just yet. I want to just enjoy what has been done so far for a hot sec

Please feel free to leave comments and thought 💕

My episode 5 reaction:

Taglist: @soliloquy-of-nemo

[tobeornottotc]

The Problems with HIStory4; Close To You Ep 1-4 (Observation and Comments)

The verdict is out!  I actually enjoy History4, as much as there's problematic elements to it, and it does feel a bit like a regression; the acting is great, the chemistry is perfect, and it's not as bad as the trailer made it seem. Like yes, we have a very invasive annoying fujoshi trope, but the characters are written in a way that it makes sense that they fall into this.

The Fujoshi Harassing Invasive Fake Dating Trope:

Cheng is so childish and so up in the clouds, and from a typical sexist, ignorant flawed man perspective, it's like he's always never taken anything seriously because he doesn't see any need to. Also, because he doesn't take anything seriously, he's ignorant and very self-focused and takes things too far; it's his character flaw. The only person who keeps in line is Moren. Who is someone who takes a lot of things seriously but also kind of ignores or avoids feelings and what that entails.

Moren is very gentle and sweet with his friends whilst on the surface, he seems cold and distant, but he tends to be very comfortable and have fun, like the childish part of him is brought out by Cheng. They compliment each other so well. There's something about the way they like each other so unconditionally despite being so opposite to each other, they do care a lot, and they have a very ignorant homophobic mindset because of how they've been raised in society, so they don't know a lot about queerness and what it means, so that's interesting to see them learn their feelings and grow from that.

I like their domestic vibes and how they are when they're just together alone; it's not entirely romantic or in your face that there are feelings; it's very soft, and very based and focused on the depth of friendship that they've developed, and I think that's so cute and adorable to see. The only thing I don't like about their storyline is the fujoshi trope; she's not always there; she's hidden but her presence always reminds me of why this trope is so problematic because she should be called out for her invasiveness. She should be taught about why what she's doing is not okay; maybe she does, later on, do so but I can't tell how serious this writer wants to be with this show. She may have genuinely just wanted a typical old BL style novel like show in the past that we used to read that doesn't address problematic stuff.

The show is very light and funny with these twos story so she may not want it to be so serious, which is why I'm trying to be careful when analysing the show. My thing is the fujoshi thing needs to be addressed because her actions aren't okay more than Cheng and Moren. The trailer for the show is wildly exaggerated and made me dread watching the show. Still, although Cheng is sometimes quite touchy and can fall into that line of harassment, it's been called out by Moren in episode 1, and everything in the trailer that seemed problematic with harassment for them isn't like it is.  It's just them joking around and being Moren and Cheng. Moren may feel weirded out by some situations, but it's not against his consent, is what I'm trying to say. Cheng is not meant to be a perfect character; his flaw is his childishness, and how he doesn't take things seriously, so he comes across as rude, invasive, loud etc. But for them, there's nothing so far that is as bad as what the trailer suggested it would be. Maybe, later on, I'd change my mind.

The Stalker Obsessesive Step Brother Trope:

For Jie and Xingsi. It's different. It's the same issues with stories about obsession, possession and trauma tropes. People will not like Jie because the reason why he does what he does, is because his character outline is based on a mental disorder (that isn't even diagnosed, but it's clear he's on a  sociopathic spectrum), he's emotionally shut off, so he doesn't have any feelings, doesn't know when he's gone too far or when he is doing something to others that are seen as problematic. All he focuses on is his feelings for XingSi because he's the only person who makes him care.

Not goanna lie, their storyline has toxic elements, and it is weird that the show wants to humanise his actions and make him seem pitiful. For me, he is pitiful, and I do understand why he acts the way he does, but I think others would have an issue with him. I think it's hard to accept the storyline because it is romanticising toxicity and dependency, but I kinda after being freaked out by him; I've come to kind of understand why they write his character the way they did for him and Xingsi. The theme of these two's story is conforming to societal pressures vs being free and accepting your self. So they kind of help each other with the other's problem/issue.

You can decide if you want to see that as romantic or if you are so turned off by Jie's insensitive actions. For me, this is a typical toxic storyline that makes sense to me why they'll be together. For example, when looking at Jie; Obviously, he's been nurtured into developing parts of being sociopathic to deal with the pain of his childhood. It's not an excuse to let him get away with his actions; I'm just saying I understand his character outline. He doesn't trust people; he doesn't let anyone in. So he's automatically someone with sociopathic tendencies, very possessive, can be aggressive if he isn't sure he trusts what's happening, alienates himself and doesn't care for how others view him. But he's someone who kind of helps Xingsi deal with his own secrets; Xingsi is someone determined to be responsible/right in society; hence he hides himself and his actual wants and needs to please people.

So Jie, with his own twisted ways, is always a catalyst to helping Xingsi find out what he wants and for Xingsi to come to terms with being brave and showing who he really is to people. In a way, Jie, because he's so emotionally uncaring about what others think of him, is the antithesis to Xingsi; he is freer because he's not hiding who he is or conforming to what others think is right/wrong he only cares about his own freedom/happiness. So he provides that way and escape for Xingsi to be himself and stop pretending or acting to please people and society. That's what the writers are trying to achieve with them. Jie is then also taught about feelings and emotions because of having Si as someone he does care for automatically and does want to change for and be gentle to whilst Si learns to accept himself /stop conforming to societal pressures.

They follow typical old BL novels in the past; they have problematic issues and toxic stuff around them to discuss, and they're very flawed; they are written to help each other deal with their flaws/issue by falling for each other. Is it right to romanticize that storyline? Maybe or maybe not, we need to do better stories for BL; that's something we know, it's not okay to always have toxic or problematic storylines, but if you know me, I also enjoy the past BL tropes as well. I like toxic storylines because they have so much interesting character dynamics that are wild to explore and analyse. They usually are very angsty and dramatic, and they have a good plot. That's something I never try to hide away from, I don't agree with when people say you shouldn't write toxic storylines or add problematic characters, but that's an argument for another day etc., I just want it to be called out when its a toxic thing/problematic trope like give consequences and show them learning why its wrong, or have them go through a character development.  

It's not going to make me judge the show so badly or stop watching it when I actually enjoy the friendship, characters and lighthearted, funny vibes the show brings every Sunday. Like it makes me smile and laugh when I'm watching Cheng and Moren, and it makes me think when I watch Xingsi and Jie. So yeh I enjoy the show and I'm not ashamed to say it.

[green-blue-heller]

hey, can you explain the cockles breakup? i saw u just posted about it and s7 and ive seen speculations but i dont think i really understand what happened lol

Hi Anon!

Thanks for your question!!

First off - DISCLAIMER: I do not know Jensen or Misha, or anyone they know. I do not have any direct information or confirmation of any information in this post. This information may or may not be correct (if anyone has any further clarification, feel free to add it - just please know that this same disclaimer will extend to such comments). None of this should ever be discussed with Jensen or Misha. Their lives are theirs, and while the fandom may discuss and speculate, it’s not okay to do so with the actual people.

Ok... now that we have that out of the way!

I will find the post that gave me the most of the information that I have about it, and reblog with it.

But it’s after 1 am, so I’ll give you the quickish answer now lol.

So, in 2011 Misha was essentially fired from SPN as Sera Gamble was killing off Cas (he’s in S7 ep 1-2, and then doesn’t come back until ep 17, I think it is). He wasn’t supposed to come back, at all. He was supposed to be dead dead.

Summer 2009 is where the earliest flirting is seen with JenMish. I think it was AHBL 1. It is on YT. They’re doing a signing, and Jensen and Misha are going back and forth saying about how they couldn’t see each other and they were worried. Jared pipes up and says that he’ll keep an eye on them and let them know the other is still there.

Vicki and Dee are behind Jared and there is definitely giggling going on.

Then Dec 14 2019 is when Jensen posted what’s referred to as the 10 year anniversary pic and it’s assumed that the original was taken around the same date (if anyone has any links to the pic being talked about, can you please share?)

So, if you assume Dec 2009 is when cockles officially became cockles, then it wasn’t very long after when word would have trickled down that Cas was being killed off. I’d say maybe late 2010 to early 2011.

As far as I can tell, no one knows who ended it. Speculation is probably Jensen, saying it would be too difficult now that Misha wasn’t part of the cast, even though he only lives like an hour and a half from Vancouver.

It also has to be taken into consideration that Jensen and Dee got engaged in 2009 and married in 2010. Then 2011, Misha is written off the show.

It’s fair to assume Jensen wouldn’t have wanted to rock the boat at home for something that he wasn’t sure could be sustained.

So, during the 2011 con panels (I think starting around the time of the Asylum convention) Misha is totally different and a little sarcastic/meanish. The matching rings and bracelets also disappear during this time (but different matching/coordinating jewelry shows up later though).

At Rising Con 2011, Mish and Seb have a panel, and Seb says his favorite sound is when he’s laying next to someone he loves and listening to her sleep.

Misha buts in and says “or him” and looks really sad. He’s off the entire panel.

This continues for a while with panels.

I don’t know what con it is, but at one of them, Jensen does talk about how he is glad that Misha is back on the show. I don’t know if they’ve made up yet at this point, since I don’t know when it is from.

I haven’t watched all the 2012 panels (hardly any) but by JIB, they seemed to have maybe made up.

Jensen jokes about their panel being sort of like a blind date. And apologizes that it might be a bit awkward, sort of like working together. Then Misha says that he rather enjoyed working together.

Jensen assures him then that it was great, and that he had a great time. Then tells Misha it was not him (Misha), that it was him (Jensen).

Then Misha says he thought it was really special. And Jensen makes a comment about how maybe they can give it another shot and Misha kinda shakes his head.

This is either Jensen still in the groveling phase, or the trying to be cute and apologize and say he’s happy they worked things out.

Jensen is a little extra flirty.

But it’s obvious after this that things are fine. Since by JIB10, they ran outta fucks to give and Misha literally straddles Jensen on stage and Jen gets a boner and has to adjust himself. Lol.

Though it’s obvious they’re sad about the show ending. I’m sure the breakup (if there had actually been one) over them not being on the same show anymore from 10 years ago is coming back to them. And I’m sure it’s especially not easy with covid.

But they still seem to be bringing up each other when talking, when it’s not really necessary. And Jensen still gets his stupid (in the most loving meaning) smile when he talks about Misha.

And they were obviously texting each other during the panel on Tuesday.

So, hopefully, cockles is still going strong. It’s been 11 years now, not like 1. So hopefully they have learned how to deal with things.

If only The Boys was shot in Vancouver and not in Ontario. Then he wouldn’t be far from Misha, to be able to see him once there aren’t mandatory 2 week quarantines when arriving in Canada.

But I know during JIB10, Misha made several remarks about moving to Austin.

This would be amazing, though idk of him and Vicki would actually want to uproot the kids. So it may be a more wishful thinking. Even if not, I’m sure covid is making that impossible at the moment.

So... I hope I answered your question, nonnie. Lol.

Like I said, I’ll reblog it tomorrow with links to the post I found on it, as well any other links to the panels in question (if I can find them again).

Though all the ones I talked about are on YT.

Let me know if you have further questions, either in the comments or via another ask! 💕

Edit: the post now has additional pieces, with links to other posts and references. So I suggest checking the comments to get the latest version!

[magicalgirlsandcerulean]

Episode 9's blog post (Spoilers under the cut!)

This post by Balletta is dated 8th June 2021. It apparently took him 8 hours to write...which is why I took so long putting this post out. (I had to skip a lot of the descriptive stuff and it still took me over 4 hours to do this post...)

There are also some tweets from Hishida below, including one regarding ep. 10. If you don't want any info about ep. 10 until you get to it, skip reading tweet 2.

Due to the nature of the ep., there is a mention of suicide below.

Hishida's tweet 1:

そういえばF蘭９話でゲスな男の久ニさん役で鳥海浩輔さんが出演してくれました。僕にとっては初監督作の陰陽大戦記でタイザン役を演じてくれたとても恩のある方です。ありがとうございました。そして明日放送の１０話でも非常にお世話になった方が登場します。これも逃れられない縁なのでしょうか！？

Now that you mention it, F-Ran episode 9's male sleazebag Kyuji was voiced by Kosuke Toriumi. For me, he had the role of Daizan in my first directorial work, Onmyou Taisenki, so I have a big obligation towards him. Thanks a lot. Also, episode 10, which is airing tomorrow, has a person who's taken extreme care of me. Is this an inescapable fate?!

(Who is this he's talking about? Read on.)

Hishida's tweet 2:

まさか福山潤くんに会えるとはね。りっくん、生まれ変わってギャンブラーになってました…w #フィクションです

Unexpectedly, I was able to meet Jun Fukuyama, huh? Rikkun was reborn as a gambler...LOL #ThisIsFiction

"Rikkun" = Riku Tachibana, protagonist of Onmyou Taisenki.

Hishida's tweet 3:

美梨香ちゃん、プリチャンのルルナ…。僕はキャスティングには関わっていません。

Birika-chan is Pri-chan's Luluna...My casting has not changed.

Pri-chan = Kiratto Pri-chan. Luluna and Birika share the VA Hibiku Yamamura.

On to the post (note Balletta goes backwards and forwards in time a lot in this post, so with that on top of my omissions, it's a bit hard to keep track of):

Post's name: "The Perverted and Slightly Sad Episode 9". (You know why it's perverted, but the "slightly sad" will be revealed later on. Balletta specifically uses a word for "slightly sad" used by teenage girls, ぱおん.)

Balletta starts by giving various greetings (this matches last time's), asks if everyone enjoyed Fairy Ranmaru ep. 9. It's Uruu's second turn, so he's going to give real-time thoughts and comments on the ep.

The ep starts with Uruu painting "blue roses" (according to Balletta). "収録の時に、第3話の時みたいにうるうくんの英語から始まったらどうしよう…と台本貰うまでドキドキしてたのはここだけの秘密です…" - "It's a secret between us that when we were recording, I was nervous until I got the script, wondering what would happen if we started with Uruu-kun's English like in episode 3..."

Balletta goes on to discuss how people call Uruu "Blue Rose" (from Tiger and Bunny). People have been making this connection ever since the key visual (the one with the fairy forms) dropped. Even now, when watching the anime on Nico Nico Douga, he'll think: "Hi, Blue Rose's older brother!").

He skips to Uruu's mother's suicide scene. Her wings are broken like glass and Balletta thinks this is when Uruu's heart was broken too. This is also where he thinks Uruu's ideal of "always be proper" was born.

The blushing Homura, being healed by Bakkun and reading an article on Shiina's manga, is "transcendently cute".

It's at this point where Balletta starts introducing quotes from the discussion with "ワン！トゥー！！スリー！！！" ("One! Two!! Three!!!") (<- For the curious, there are 6 of these in the post, but they're not entirely the same.)

Balletta wonders in small text if there was tongue or not during the CPR scene...

"この時のうるうくんの表情が完全に悪役の悪い顔になってて、正直自分もアニメ見てて「うるうくん！顔わるいなぁー！！」ってなりましたね！" - "That time Uruu's face looked like a villain's, and straight up I also saw in the anime, 'Uruu-kun! You're making a bad face-!!'"

Balletta is relieved Homura has been revived.

The sloth's lump is moving...

Balletta introduces Birika and the plot of the week. "不倫！ダメ！！ゼッタイ！！！" - "Adultery! Don't do it!! Absolutely don't!!!" (he repeats this through the post and counts the times he says it - the editing Chesarka from the future says he ends up with 3 instances of this)

Balletta recaps that Uruu is good at painting, as we know from ep. 1. It seems to be the same painting, but then he puts red paint on top. This made Balle-san think of Homura so much, he couldn't concentrate on the painting. In short, FIRE (insert flame emoji, obviously referencing Homura's shirt).

5 to Heaven synced up on how they thought during recording. When Uruu is talking to Birika and she says "心が清廉だからだよ" ("Because you have an honest heart."), they all thought, "心が清廉、どうも清怜うるうです。" ("You have an honest heart - thank you, Uruu Seiren.") Balletta thinks they increased their bonds as a result. (Note "honest" in this case is "seiren".)

Some descriptive bits later, we get to this sentence: "第1話から今回の第9話までに、うるうくんの心情や見えている世界が大きく変わったことを意味しているのではないかと自分は思いました！" I thought from ep. 1 until ep. 9, the world he is seeing has changed greatly!" A bit further down: "先程も話した、第1話から第9話にかけて、うるくんの心情や見えている世界が大きく変わってきていると言ったもう一つの理由がこの言葉なんです！第1話では世界に対しても常に正しくあるべきと考えていたうるうくんが、第9話に至るまでに色んなことがありました。

過去のトラウマ、火焔族への憎しみ、焔くんに対しての嫉妬。" - "That's another reason why I said earlier the world Uruu-kun sees has changed greatly from ep. 1 to ep. 9! Ep. 1, where Uruu-kun thinks everything should be correct about the world, to the Uruu-kun in ep. 9 who has had various things happen. Past trauma, the hatred of the Ignis clan, the jealousy which he feels towards Homura."

Balletta can't believe how Birika's mother came back and had a kiss mark on her neck. He gets so angered he starts making puns on his own name (bareru means to leak a secret, while barebare means a transparent lie) and ends with "あ、どうもバレッタです。" - more along the lines of "Ah, sorry, I'm Balletta" than the previous "thank you"s - before returning to the previous discussion.

Some more description later, Balletta mentions the appearance of Sirius. "素晴らC！いや！すばらシリウス！！！" - "SubaraC (shii)! No! SubaraSirius!!!" (subarashii = wonderful) He then discusses Sirius's musings.

End A part. Balletta stops for a bit to note "You only noticed all this incredible impressions and comments are [for] the A part? Didn't you see the previous post?" He also comments Hori's post was short and that was fine. "ま、イケメンだからいっか！！！（うるうくん達が）" - "Well, they're handsome, so what?!!! (Uruu-kun and co. are)"

Now to the B part. Balletta notes there's a piece of art that is a pot in the art gallery. Pot quota: check.

Some description (and more yelling about how adultery is bad and unforgivable) later: we get to the kiss scene. This transformation is voiced differently to the one in ep. 3 in terms of the pan upwards part and the sound effect of boots scratching you can hear during the "Taboo rescinded! Love! In abundance!" callout. "自分もリアルタイムで第9話見てて、「あれ！？ボイス変わってるし、音が追加されてる！凄い！！」ってテレビの前でなってました！ありがたい限りです！" - "Even when watching ep. 9 in real-time, I was in front of the TV, going, 'Huh?! The voice changed and a sound was added! Amazing!!' I'm nothing but grateful!"

Hotel Tsubo returns. "なんかもう毎回このアニメをリアルタイムで見るたびに「今回はどこに壺が隠れてるかなぁ〜♪」ってなってる自分がいてビックリしますよ笑" - "Basically every time I watch this anime in real-time, I'll be like, 'Where will they hide the pot this time~?♪', so I'm surprised. LOL"

"そしてそんな「HOTEL壺」では、美梨香さんの母親と久二さんがS○Xしてるシーンが出ましたね。申し訳ないけどもう一回だけ言わせてくださいね…

ふざけんにょ！！！" - "Also, at that Hotel Tsubo, Birika-chan's mother and Kyuji have a scene where they're having s_x. I'm sorry for saying this, but please let me say this once...stop screwing around!!!" (The "screw" pun is intentional on my part.)

Enka scene. Balletta calls Uruu "sexy & beautiful" because of his black lace wings and strong gaze.

Head back to Bar F. "バックンはこのアニメの癒し…

いつもありがとうバックン！" - "Bakkun [being] in this anime is healing...thanks as always, Bakkun!"

Some description later, around the part where Uruu's mother says Uruu is just like his dad...you can see germ-like objects that look like water fleas and Uruu gains some damage from them sticking themselves down his throat. There are various versions of this scene and after all the yelling from recording them, he felt considerably more passionate.

Some more description later, Balletta doubles back to the scene slightly beforehand. where Ranmaru and Chilka are in the same place.

Balletta then continues for a bit about the plot and is at the scene where Kyuji is relieved he's free of the old hag when he goes, "ワン！トゥー！！スリー！！！ 「エヘッ、ぱおーん！」 こんの野郎ーーーー！！！ぱおーんじゃねぇんだよぉー！！！！！ガオーってライオンだらけの檻の中にぶち込むぞぉーーーー！！！となったのはこのブログだけにそっと記しておきますね。" ("One! Two!! Three!!! 'Ehe, that's kinda sad!' These bastards---!!! This isn't 'kinda sad'!!!!! I'll throw you into a cage full of roaring lions----!!!...This blog became a place where I can quietly write this precisely [because I can], huh?")

Balletta discusses the final scene and then draws attention to Takara's scene by going, "「あっちゃー、もう一山残っちまったかぁー」 えっ！？何が残ったの！？" - "'The worst is yet to come.' What's coming?!" (<- Translation using the CR line)

He then tells everyone to look forward to next time's Fairy Ranmaru ep., says he's finished, that was ep. 9's comments and impressions, apologises for his long post again and puts some promotional stuff I've already covered on magicalgirlsandcerulean (in order: character song CD, the live show in Sept., Sweets Paradise, Vivid Army, Otasuke Heaven, BD/DVD 1, the curry plate, Bakkun plush, key necklaces, Fairy Ranmaru's official Twitter + YouTube). He then ends by saying he's done (again) and he's Yutaka Balletta, who voices Uruu.

Takara's comment: "原稿用紙40枚やで～気合い入れて読んでや～" - "You took 40 sheets of genkou youshi~. We read it with effort." (referencing the line where he apologises for his long post: "今回また2回目の当番回だったというのもあって気合い入れまくった結果やっぱり長文になってしまいました！ご容赦くださいまし！！" - "This time was the 2nd time I was in charge [of the post], so the result was, of course, me putting in effort! Please forgive me [for my long post]!")

Update: Minor fixes for accuracy and clarity.