#please for the love of god get rid of this fucking ai function

[kvothbloodless]

Man the new google search AI is almost impressive in terms of how bad it is, in terms of PR/public ideas about AI. Like. I dont think you could make it much worse if you tried.

Generative AI has so many uses, Google. Why on fucking Earth are you trying to use it for something weve Known its terrible at (answering questions accurately)?? Like, they were originally planning to use the gpt alone for this sort of thing, before realizing that the gpt hallucinated too much for that to be workable. And then somehow decided that instead, just having it summarize whatever random shit it found (apparently) without analyzing/fact checking at all, would be better???

Not to mention, because it summarizes Specific results from the search, rather than relying on what its learned from its training database, it now Does look like its plagiarizing (obviously in a situation like this, plagiarism doesnt really apply. But like. Since in this particular instance it Is copying answers form websites directly, it only reinforces the idea that Alll generative AI is plagiarism).

Anyways, I dont actually care all that much because its easy to ignore. But like. Jesus christ was this a bad decision on every front

[snowe-zolynn-rogers]

Pairings: Past Aizawa/Mandalay

Word Count: 1,921 Words

Summary: Hitoshi and Katsuki's birthday.

Warnings: Period Mention, Menstruation Mention, Food Mention, Nightmare Mention, Death Mention, Cursing, Caps, let me know if I should tag anything else.

Usernames: Existence Is A Prison   Aizawa: feral cat dad, Aoyama: gay salt, Hagakure: ranch flavored jello, Tokoyami: foil-mecha, Shinsou: farmer toshi, Kuroiro: life is a nightmare, Shiozaki: saviour, Tsunotori: schrodinger better run, Honenuki: pure, Monoma: nat20, Yamada: President Megaphone, Bakugou: deku-deck-you

Aizawa, We Agreed No More Cats: Chapter 7

6:25 AM

Existence Is A Prison

pure: It's a birthday! That means birthday breakfasts are in order!

life is a nightmare: Kiyo made everyone yakisoba buns with enoki and I made soup dumplings to celebrate.

farmer toshi: You two are so sweet, thank you.

deku deck-you: Thanks, girls.

pure: No problem!

saviour: I will not be attending class today. I will not be leaving my room today.

feral cat dad: What's wrong?

saviour: Painful period. Dysphoria. Hate living.

feral cat dad: I'm sorry, kid. I'll tell Vlad you're dehydrated and have Nemuri take care of you, she'll know more than me, but I'll bring a hot water bottle, food, and some company for you in the meantime.

saviour: Thank you, Mr. Aizawa.

feral cat dad: I am the father collective here, it's only fair I parent my child.

8:30  AM

Existence Is A Prison

nat20: I'm recording the classes for you so you don't miss anything, Ibara, dear.

saviour: Thank you, Seiko.

nat20: Not a problem, love. I don't want to see you falling behind when you don't deserve to. I mean, it's surely not your fault uterus' exist.

saviour: You're amazing.

nat20: I know.

12:45 PM

Existence Is A Prison

schrodinger better run: I'm bringing over lunch, Ibara.

saviour: You're all too nice to me. I shouldn't even be in bed still.

schrodinger better run: Ibara, honey, we're nice because we care about you. You deserve to rest this off and see when you feel better. There's no rushing yourself. I'm sure that, once you rest up a bit, Recovery Girl can help 'heal' the cramps or at least tone them down a bit.

saviour: Still, thank you. All of you.

2:04 PM

Existence Is A Prison

gay salt: I think this is hilarious, personally.

nat20: What's even happening over in 1-A, you guys have been yelling and all for like ten minutes.

gay salt: birthdayboysinbirthdayhats.jpg

gay salt: Shinsou had to come deliver something to Mr. Aizawa from Mr. Snipe's class and now everyone is questioning Kats and Hito if they're twins and Midoriya's trying to chill everyone out. Really, you should be here, Seiko.

nat20: They are twins. I mean, practically, yes, they are.

ranch flavored jello: I know, it's great. The best part is that everyone is in such a heated debate about it.

feral cat dad: I have no clue what's even happening but I'm not gonna stop this unless Katsuki or Hitoshi says something.

foil-mecha: ourclassrightnow.jpg

schrodinger better run: Todoroki, please. It's not that deep, man.

foil-mecha: I don't think he cares, honestly.

nat20: I heard more screaming. Vlad King is starting to get concerned.

foil-mecha: They said they are twins and Midoriya's trying to ask why Katsuki's mother cheated on his father. This is the funniest thing, honestly.

3:15 PM

Existence Is A Prison

gay salt: Okay, I found the 2006 First Year Sports Festival and I just need you all to see Mr. Aizawa as our age.

gay salt: younglankyaizawamidbattlewithtensei.jpg

foil-mecha: Mr. Aizawa, you were tiny.

feral cat dad: To be fair, I was an idiot kid and didn't eat well until like a week prior to that Sports Festival.

ranch flavored jello: I'll punt kick you, Dad.

feral cat dad: Yeah, yeah, I know. I started eating better after that, I promise.

gay salt: lankyaizawatakingdowntensei.jpg

nat20: Mr. Aizawa was a strong little stringbean.

feral cat dad: If you call me a stringbean again, I'll make you do garbage duty for a month.

nat20: That's normal, Father Collective.

feral cat dad: Curse these children being functional human beings.

President Megaphone: At least we know they clean up after each other and themselves.

President Megaphone: Plus, you were a stringbean, Shouta, so it's a fair statement.

deku deck-you: Wait, I just realized Mr. Aizawa told us he was divorced.

gay salt: Oh yeah, he did and nobody even questioned it!

ranch flavored jello: To be fair, we were busy introducing ourselves.

feral cat dad: Yeah, I was married for a while after high school. Maybe a year, I think.

President Megaphone: 10 months and 17 days from December 2010 to October 2011. I still think it's funny you didn't even spend one birthday married.

farmer toshi: Dad, what happened!?

feral cat dad: Well, you see, I had pressure put on me to get married to a girl I knew because we both weren't out yet as gay and lesbian, respectively, and we both realized during our marriage that it wasn't working so we went through a mutual divorce and are still friends.

President Megaphone: Yeah, Shouta and Sosaki are friends.

life is a nightmare: Shino Sosaki? Mandalay from the Wild Wild Pussycats?

feral cat dad: The one and only.

life is a nightmare; Wow.

9:52 PM

Existence Is A Prison

schrodinger better run: Dating sucks.

feral cat dad: Why, what's up, Pony?

schrodinger better run: My gf broke up with me because she realized I'm actually in Japan. I mean, I told her a hundred times but she never believed me that I was going international. for high school.

deku deck-you: Eh, the trash got rid of itself from what it sounds like.

schrodinger better run: I mean, I'm kind of happy because she never really liked me for more than just saying she was dating a cute girl but I also feel bad about being happy that we're broken up.

ranch flavored jello: Ice cream and cry?

schrodinger better run: Thank you, Toru, it's much appreciated.

2:26 AM

Existence Is A Prison

farmer toshi: Hey, dad?

feral cat dad: Yes?

farmer toshi: Can I sleep in your room?

feral cat dad: Yeah, sure, come on. Don't let the cats out.

farmer toshi: You're not even gonna ask me why?

feral cat dad: Should it matter?

farmer toshi: Well, I don't think so. I just don't want to have another nightmare but usually the caregivers at the orphanage would ask for a good reason.

feral cat dad: Well, you don't need one with me. Just don't let the cats out is my only request. Ai has figured out how to open the kitchen door and will get lost on UA grounds again.

farmer toshi: Kumo is staring at me while I open the door.

feral cat dad: Yeah, he's like that. Just ignore him, focus more of keeping Ai from making a break for it.

farmer toshi: Alright.

11:04 AM

Existence Is A Prison

feral cat dad: Alright, I was going through you kids' files during my free period and Tsunotori, your birthday is today.

schrodinger better run: Oh, I don't like celebrating my birthday. I haven't celebrated it since I was six.

feral cat dad: Why, what happened?

schrodinger better run: My cousin from my biological family made fun of my feet, we got in a fight, and I couldn't explain to defend myself so I got grounded and wasn't allowed to celebrate my birthday so I just haven't celebrated it since then.

feral cat dad: Is there still a day we can celebrate with you that isn't today?

schrodinger better run: I like celebrating my adoption date as my new birthday. October 7th.

feral cat dad: I'll put a reminder for that.

saviour: Wait, are you putting all of our birthdays as reminders?

feral cat dad: Perhaps.

7:15 AM

Existence Is A Prison

foil-mecha: I'm going to the convenience store before school for breakfast in class because I want sandos and energy drinks. Anyone else want? Say yes.

feral  cat dad: YES.

foil-mecha: Are you okay? You responded in like one second.

feral cat dad: I'm just realizing I like someone and I'm suffering.

gay salt: Please.

nat20: Yes.

farmer toshi: Two redbulls and anything with egg, please.

saviour: Fruit if it's there.

pure: Yes.

schrodinger better run: Yes, I'm so hungry.

life is a nightmare: Ham is preferred, please and thank you.

ranch flavored jello: Yes, food.

deku deck-you: Yes, please.

foil-mecha: Everyone will receive redbulls and sandos.

8:15 AM

Existence Is A Prison

foil-mecha: I got held up, there was a villain attack right outside the store when I got there. I'm with food and drink and on my way back.

feral cat dad: I've already written you a pass, it's taped to the wall just inside the gate, have fun delivering food to Hitoshi.

8:25 AM

Existence Is A Prison

farmer toshi: Tokoyami is a god.

farmer toshi: tworedbullsandthreesandos.jpg

nat20: Wow, he likes you.

foil-mecha: Oh, I got three for everyone. I just grabbed a bunch so everyone can pick.

nat20: Be careful at 1b, Mr. Kan is one of those 'bring something for yourself, share it with everyone' type of teachers.

foil-mecha: And I'll tell him to fuck off because us dorm kids didn't eat breakfast this morning.

deku deck-you: Yeah, our poor stove is dead.

ranch flavored jello: It wasn't my fault! I promise! I was just cooking and it died!

feral cat dad: To be fair, it is old. I think that thing's been there since I was in UA.

8:35 AM

Existence Is A Prison

nat20 has started a video chat

[Tokoyami opening door and Vlad King stops teaching and stares at him]

Kid, you're not my student. Your class is down the hall, are you lost? -Unknown

Hey, Pony, Kiyo. Here, pick three each and a drink or two. -foil-mecha

Young man, you can't just waltz into my classroom and hand unsolicited food to only two students. -Unknown

[Kiyomi and Pony are shown grabbing their sandos and redbulls from the large bag Tokoyami came in with]

You're right, I'm not. Ibara, Kageya, Seiko, come get yours too. I found a cool one I think you'll like, Ibara. -foil-mecha

Oh? What is it? -saviour

Well, I heard you say you like apples and melon. I found you a sando with both. -foil-mecha

I'm in love with you. -saviour

Sure, yeah Get your food, I need to get to 1-A. -foil-mecha

You should be in there now! This isn't your class! -Unknown

Sir? Sir. I really don't care. I have a pass from Mr. Aizawa and I'm literally about to leave. Our oven broke in the dorms so none of us ate breakfast this morning. I went to get us all breakfast and got held up with a villain attack. Kindly, sir, I think even Nezu would be unhappy if even a single one of us hero course students weren't eating breakfast this close to the Sports Festival. So, you feel free to carry on your lesson. Let just the five of your students  eat their breakfast. I promise, it won't disrupt you further than  it has. -foil-mecha

Fine. -Unknown

nat20 has ended the video chat

gay salt: I love Tokoyami. I do.

foil-mecha: My mothers and fathers didn't raise a carpet, I don't exist to be stepped on by authority figures.

nat20: Thanks, Fumi. I'm starving.

foil-mecha: Anything for my friends.

ranch flavored: ALL HAIL FOOD GOD TOKOYAMI

feral cat dad: Bringer of Energy Drink, Keeper of the Sando.

gay salt: We all love you, Fumi.

foil-mecha: What a time to be alive, being adored by my peers and teacher AND getting to tell off an annoying teacher?

feral cat dad: God, yes, sando time. Gimme.

gay salt: aizawaeatingasandolikeaferalcat.jpg

nat20: Thanks, I'm scarred for life having witnessed Feralzawa.

farmer toshi: I love you, Fumi.

foil-mecha: Seems that's everyone's sentiment this morning.

farmer toshi: I'll get a crush, fucker, don't tempt me.

foil-mecha: Alright, alright.

Taglist: @everythingisstardust 

[sugadrms]

01111001 01101111 01110101 00100000 01101011 01101110 01101111 01110111 (i know)

Pairing: Yoongi x Jimin Rating: E Genre: angst, comedy, android au, ai au, summer au Word count: 4,507 Summary: yoongi is like the blur of a dream jimin can’t grasp – pretty, enigmatic and an android

FOR @btssmutclub Summer x Smut Project!! 

Masterlist | Group 6: Down by the lake 

A/N: Thank you fellow group members, it has been such a ride! @ironicarmy @jiminniethemarshmallow @jhspetitegf ! shout out also to @jhspetitegf for your wonderful banners and masterlist x Our universes are linked so i urged you guys to read all fics too, because why the heck not.  leave kudos on ao3!

                                                                ✩

DOWNLOADING FINAL UPDATE.

ALL FUNCTIONS: ON.

LOVE FUNCTION — TURN ON?

DROID MIN-YOON-GI IS READY.

                                                             ✩

Jimin is running. He’s running for his fucking life, the harsh pants like fire in his chest, the weight of his shoulders sinking into the ground. The air is hazy and the skies are gray and yet he feels shadows chasing after him like vines on a fence. He steps on a puddle, and dirty, murky black water sloshes and stains his calves, white shoes, and blue pants. He feels the grime on his skin and the race in his chest, and the fear the gripes him but Jimin doesn’t slow down, can’t slow down, runs and runs and fucking runs—

“Jimin!” Taehyung shakes him awake, drool running down his chin, dotting at the neckline of his shirt.

Jimin rubs fatigue away from his eyes and stares blankly at his friend.

“We’re here, Jin’s lakehouse. Look at the waters!” Taehyung points excitedly at the calm, blue waters, and then he sees the grandeur of the lakehouse, a pretty exquisite building slightly far off beside it. The car rounds up another corner before turning in, looping, and Jimin promptly forgets about his dream that almost got his heart out half his chest.

They get off the car and wait for Jungkook as he pulls over. Hoseok spills out of the car, lanky limbs and loud presence. Jimin watches him and when their eyes meet, they both grin, his mind firing up and remembering of the plan everyone devised for Taehyung (bless his stupid, stubborn ass) and waits for chaos. Jin talks about sorting roommates and Jimin hollers the same time Hoseok cries for Jimin’s name. The look Taehyung gives Jimin makes him double back a laugh, throwing his head back.

“I don’t want to room with Faye!” Taehyung murmurs under his breath.

Jimin just throws a smirk and shrugs.

“Y’all just gonna stand there and fuss or help me with the bags?” comes Zoe’s voice from the boot of the car. Everyone rushes over, laughter melding with the summer air.

                                                             ✩

Hoseok snaps his fingers and Jimin returns to the present, sitting on the bed with his bags by the side on the floor. His feet hang by the edge of the bed.

“What are you thinking about?” Hoseok’s warm smile melts away Jimin’s worries even for a bit.

“Nothing much,” He returns a smile. If Hoseok sees through the cracks he doesn’t point it out. Jimin is grateful for it. That’s the whole point of this summer trip isn’t it? Leave all your damn worries and burdens behind, bury your head in the sand and just burn your youth away for a few days.

“I’m gonna head down now, you coming?” Hoseok stands by the door.

“Just a bit. You go ahead first.” Jimin replies.

“Don’t take too long! I think Jin wants to show us something—” Hoseok’s voice trails off as he heads down the stairs.

                                                              ✩

When Jimin sees Yoongi he hates to think of it cliche, but he feels his breath knocked out of his chest and his brain short-circuiting a little. Attraction is such a funny little thing.

He finally finds the rest of them by the dining area and rejoins the group, pulling a chair beside Hoseok.

“Hyung I probably saw the man of my dreams.” Jimin says dramatically.

Hoseok laughs.

                                                               ✩

He learns the name of the stranger with dark but pretty eyes – Yoongi – when Faye calls out to him for some help. Is he a helper here? Must be earning some big bucks helping out in Jin’s family.

                                                               ✩  

“Are you going for movie night later?” Taehyung asks Jimin as they explore the area a bit.

“Of course! Why you’d even ask?” Jimin slurps noisily on the fruit juice Yoongi prepared. He cut each fruit into precise little cubes before blending them together. Jimin knows because he was by the kitchen island staring at another man preparing drinks. It really isn’t creepy. It’s for future references.

“Oh I don’t know your ass can’t seem to leave Yoongi’s alone.” Taehyung teases.

Jimin rolls his eyes. “Am just curious is all.”

“And you know what they say?” Taehyung takes a dramatic pause as he sips his drink.

Jimin waits.

“Curiosity killed the cat.” Taehyung grins as he heads into the gazebo.

✩

Yoongi walks in and out carrying food and drinks to the tables outside and Jin helps. Namjoon and Hoseok argues about what movie to watch in the background.

“Shut up, you’re beautiful,” Jungkook suddenly shouts out of nowhere. Sooyun looks like a deer caught in headlights as the meat she grills probably grows charred.

Faye tells her the food is burning and she scrambles to get rid off it and Jimin cackles.

“Shut up, you’re beautiful.” He mimics with a stupid face. Taehyung guffaws.

“Oh baby, stop.” Taehyung fake gushes. Jimin makes kissy faces and glances back at Jungkook every other second. His face grows both ten shades redder and darker and the duo doesn’t stop shitting on him.

“God the two of you.” Jimin spits out as his laughter eventually dies down.

“Shut the fuck up.” Jungkook seethes.

“Tell me I’m beautiful first.” Jimin puffs his chest out.

Jungkook whacks him instead.

                                                              ✩

Jimin doesn’t really know what he’s trying to accomplish whenever he sees Yoongi by himself (which is ninety percent of the time), and takes every opportunity to speak—flirt—with him. Yoongi seems entirely unfazed, or at least pretends to (how nice, but Jimin doesn’t want nice, he’s trying to push his buttons) and tries his best to answer to every of Jimin’s ridiculous questions.

He’s by the lake with Namjoon and Hoseok, who brought unicorn floats out and are lazing in the calming waters.

“You know what would be nice right now?” Hoseok says lazily, his shades sliding slightly down his nose.

“What?” Jimin humours him when Namjoon doesn’t.

“Some iced cold beers. I’m gonna tell Yoongi to bring some.”

“Oh I can call him for you—” Jimin brandishes Hoseok’s phone, being the only one still on land, waiting for Taehyung and Jungkook to show up before heading in for a swim.

“Oh it’s fine! I beeped him already.”

“Beeped?”

“Yeah you know, Jin gave us all a wristwatch to call for Yoongi whenever.”

“What watch?”

“Babe, he wasn’t there.” Namjoon quips after a beat.

Hoseok looks at his boyfriend then leans back. He laughs.

“What the fuck are you talking about?”

Within minutes Yoongi arrives with two buckets of beers. He places them besides Jimin.

“Throw one to me please dearie.” Hoseok cooes.

Yoongi throws, a perfect swing, and Hoseok catches easily.

“Just twist the cap, it comes off easily.” Hoseok does as told and flicks the cap bottle back. Yoongi doesn’t miss.

Taehyung and Jungkook eventually joins, loud brash energy pouring in. They spot the beers and cheer, each taking one. Jimin uncaps his as well.

“Anyone seen Jin and Zoe anywhere?” Taehyung asks, squinting his eyes. Nobody responses. Jungkook shrugs, a smug grin on his face.

“Where are the girls?” Namjoon asks.

“They say they’ll join in a bit.” Taehyung supplies.

“Shall we, comrades?” Taehyung gestures to both Jungkook and Jimin. Jimin takes another swig of his beer and he’s near two gulps left.

Jungkook gives a dramatic ah before finishing his beer then shredding his clothes off. Taehyung follows suit. Jimin starts stripping too. They leave their boxers and jumps into the waters causing big splashes, deliberately getting Namjoon and Hoseok wet, much to their chagrin.

“What do you expect, losers!” Jimin shouts, laughing, brushing his hair back.

“Are you coming in hyung?” He diverts his attention to Yoongi, who watches.

“Wait, can he be in contact of water?” Jungkook muses.

“I think so? I remember Jin hyung mentioning Yoongi is made with some sort of premium skin.” Taehyung replies.

“Premium skin? Skin that doesn’t prune perhaps.” Jimin jokes.

“It’s true. My skin doesn’t prune.” Yoongi confirms.

He lingers at the waters before snapping his gaze up again. “As much as I’d like to join, I have some other matters to attend to.” He smiles before leaving.

“What the fuck?” Jimin says.

“Stop, you guys are terrible.” Comes Sooyun’s voice.

“What?” Jimin looks around. The boys start snickering to themselves.

“Yoongi is a droid Jiminie.” Zoe supplies. “He’s custom-made by Jin’s dad and he’s stationed at the lakehouse to help out.”

Jimin takes a moment, before he cracks a laugh. Everyone joins him.

“Got me good guys, you fuckers.” He jokes. Then submerges himself underwater, holding his breath, to drown the voices out.

                                                            ✩

Day turns into night faster and Jimin dreads the end of this vacation. He doesn’t want to think about school and real life problems like moving out of the orphanage, away from his family. He’s already made peace at twelve he’d probably never have a foster family, so he made a home at where he was. Aunt Megs has become the mother in his life, Joan sometimes acting like a dad, and every other unwanted kid his brother and sister. But when you turn eighteen you’re supposed to move out and get an apartment of your own. Megs been pushing it as long as she can with the papers and authority but Jimin has this niggling feeling he can’t fucking shake off.

“Hey, sorry we didn't tell you Yoongi was a droid.” Taehyung snaps him back to the present, back to the bonfire, and hands him a beer.

“Nah.” Jimin shrugs.

“Thought it was quite a joke at first.” Taehyung says.

“I mean I’d do the same so.” Jimin says.

“Then you tailed him everywhere like a puppy.” Taehyung laughs.

“What can I say, he’s beautiful.” Jimin declares.

“What’s going on up here?” Taehyung taps the beer bottle at Jimin’s temple.

Jimin laughs and shrugs it off. “Nothing much.”

“You know you can tell me anything, right?” Tae says, his eyes shining. And Jimin trusts him, with his fucking life. But it’s a vacation and he doesn’t want things to grow somber.

“Yeah I know.” Jimin smiles.

                                                              ✩

“You know Tae actually really likes you,” Jimin word vomits it out later during the bonfire. He feels like he said something he probably shouldn’t have, judging from the incredulous look  on Faye’s face.

“What?” She says.

“S’true.” He slurs. Shit, he probably drank too much, he can feel the heavy pound on his head, the alcohol running in his blood and sudden burst of mirth in his chest. Jimin giggles.

“Well I think you’re entirely misinformed.” Faye declares.

“No he does, he really likes you.” Jimin waggles his brows and jabs a finger in the air.

Faye grows silent, before she bites back, “Well then who do you like?”

And Jimin really doesn’t want to, but his mind wanders off to a blur of a pretty face with a sharp gaze.

                                                              ✩

Friends do stupid stuff together. Best friends do fucking stupid stuff together. He doesn’t know how and why the fuck he got dragged into this ridiculous plan of a mess Taehyung came up with: to string him and Faye together so they can talk— fuck— it out. All he knows is that he’s in the middle of the damn woods and he’s gone sober as fuck and he really really needs water. He may have lost his voice at this point.

“Tae!” Jimin whisper-shouts.

“What?” He whisper-shouts back.

“I really need to drink water so I’m heading back first.”

“Noo I need my comrade with me—“

“And listen to you both fuck the angst out of each other? No thanks.”

Jimin loves Tae to bits he does, but right now he loves his bed more.

                                                               ✩

Jimin feels the pull of of his muscles and the sores at his shoulders as he trudges back to his room. When enters the room, he doesn’t expect to see Yoongi splayed so prettily on all fours, ass up in the fucking air, hands and legs bounded with ribbons. Where the hell did he get even get those from?

He hears Jimin enters and turns, head in a funny angle, hair in a mess. Sin is on Jimin’s mind and Yoongi wears innocence on his face.

“Is this what you meant by I want you bounded on all fours Jimin? I did extensive research online and replicated the most common imagery that kept cropping up.” Yoongi says.

“Jesus, hyung,” Jimin breathes. He quickly shuts the door and paces towards Yoongi.

What the hell is he to do, on one hand the sight is making him feel some type of way, fuck, on another hand he feels like he’s cheating Yoongi into something.

“Hyung,” Jimin calls.

“Hyung,” Yoongi repeats, his head facing the pillow and his ass still in the air (and Jimin can’t stop staring at his skin, he wants to touch, fuck). Yoongi doesn’t turn back, just mumbles to himself where Jimin can’t see him.

“Hyung.” Jimin presses.

“Are you displeased? Shall I change—” Yoongi shifts, tries to sit up – a feat any other human might have failed hilariously but he does it with such poise and ease, turns and sits his ass on his heels and has the bounds on his arms undone. Yoongi’s cock is curved up, red and thick against his tummy. This is entirely unfair. Just how advanced are these damn droids?

“No I am very pleased, actually.” Jimin starts. Yoongi watches him, with curious eyes, unabashed. Jimin takes in all of Yoongi: the curved ends of his fringe, the slant of his eyes, the slope of his nose. How he takes in a breath and his chest actually expands, his shoulders heave, his collarbones jut. Yoongi stares back just as Jimin watches him. The only difference is Yoongi doesn’t blink. He usually does, Jimin remembers. But he doesn’t question, just watches, tries to piece him apart just as much as how Yoongi is probably memorising him.

Jimin wonders what’s it like to have accurate eternal memory.

“Jimin?” Yoongi asks.

“Shh,” Jimin takes his hand and gently swipes his thumb over Yoongi’s lips. He can feel Yoongi’s breath against his skin. Yoongi will have eternal memory of this night. Jimin will remember how his heart slammed against his chest.

“Do you feel love hyung?” Jimin asks, softly. His rubs his finger gently, tries to commit to memory the plush of Yoongi’s lower lip. Yoongi parts them slightly.

“I have a love function, if that’s what you mean.” Yoongi answers.

“I can have it turned on for you, if you’d like.” Yoongi offers.

Jimin smiles.

“No it’s okay hyung. I like you like this. Whatever it is.” Jimin gets up on the bed slowly, his knee dipping the mattress, Yoongi staying rooted to his position, his arms crossed over his stomach shyly.

“I just want you to relax? To feel good?” Jimin breathes, mere inches apart from Yoongi.

“Feel good,” Yoongi repeats. Jimin leans in close, smelling the sweet scent of musk and presses chapped lips against soft ones. His heart jackrabbits in his ribs and Yoongi kisses him back gently first, tentative. Jimin wonders how are droids programmed to feel this real like human, yet not.

“I can do that.” Yoongi thinks aloud.

It’s the sweet taste on his tongue that gets Jimin wanting more, roaming hands against milky, white skin, and he inches to reach every expanse. He wants to leave marks, he wants to ruin this perfect picture.

Yoongi moans into the kiss and Jimin pulls him back and they both fall onto the bed, drinking each other up as if parched.

He’s hard, Jimin can feel his cock throbbing in his pants, can feel it curve and it bulges uncomfortably, and he kisses harder, scratches at Yoongi’s back, for purchase, for comfort, for release.

He doesn’t expect, but Yoongi grinds against him, ruts in slow, circular motion, and Jimin’s jaw go slack. Yoongi kisses him, trails wet sloppy ones (aren’t they build for perfection?) along his jaw, down his neck, licks a stripe of skin against his collarbone. Jimin sucks in a breath.

Yoongi easily removes Jimin’s pants and tosses it aside and Jimin watches with lidded eyes as it hooks swiftly onto the doorknob. He leans back again, feels his head meld into the fabric (darn this memory foam mattress shit Jin has), feels his skin on fire and his heart at his throat. Yoongi starts fisting at his cock, his hands slick and already wet but Jimin is too goddamn lost in his head to comprehend shit. Yoongi grips tightly, hard, squeezes even at one point and strokes his cock slowly, so sweet of a friction that drives half Jimin into a frenzy, writhing under the sheets, pretty dirty noises spilling from his lips.

“Yoongi,” Jimin breathes.

Yoongi flicks his wrist and thumbs at the underside of his head. “I’m guessing from the way your heart rate is hitting 127 beats per minute, I am doing this correctly?” Yoongi slurs at the shell of Jimin’s ear.

“Wow yes, talk dirty to me hyung,” Jimin almost cracks a laugh.

Yoongi stops and hovers above Jimin, and he doesn’t want to, but Jimin eventually looks into his eyes. Yoongi smiles sweetly, his eyes like stars glistening back and Jimin feels his heart skip two beats. Yoongi leans in to kiss him, tenderly and slowly and Jimin licks into the roof of his mouth. Jimin pushes Yoongi up, who gets the hint, and brings Jimin up with ease until they sit on the bed once again. They don’t break their kiss as Jimin guides Yoongi into straddling him, Jimin’s hand sliding down Yoongi’s back, gripping at his waist and eventually cupping his ass sitting it nicely on his wet cock.

“Shit, hyung, Yoongi,” Jimin groans, voice wrecked and they had barely done shit.

Yoongi looks at him, and there’s a glint in his eyes, black and wild. The sheets are a wrinkled, wet mess, and both pay no mind to it. Yoongi jerks up and slams his ass down again, wet and slippery along Jimin’s cock.

Jimin is actually fucking proud he hasn’t come right there and then, at what his peak youth of age but he’s going to explode soon at this rate.

“Hyung, need your ass. Can I fuck you?” He splurts.

Yoongi says nothing and strips Jimin’s shirt away. His kisses grow hungry, and Jimin swears Yoongi might leave a bruise from the way he kisses.

“You can do anything you want to me,” comes his breathy reply. And it’s moments like these that Jimin entirely forgets what Yoongi is, and feels what comes from his heart. After tonight, he’s finding who developed and pieced Yoongi together and sending them a fucking nobel prize.

“Lube, condoms, drawers—”

“We don’t need condoms.” Yoongi reminds him. Jimin almost feels stupid.

“Lube? I like it when it’s really wet,” Jimin confesses shyly, in between soft kisses. Yoongi stops grinding into Jimin and places his hands at Jimin’s shoulders. He thumbs at Jimin’s collarbone, and Jimin exhales a breath. You’re so pretty. I wish you were real. (But I am real?)

“I have a self-lubricant function. I’m made for this.” Yoongi says.

I’m made for this rings at Jimin’s ear and he lets Yoongi line himself up along Jimin’s cock, the mattress dipping low at his side.

Right before Yoongi sinks into Jimin’s aching cock, he looks up into him and asks, “Shall I turn my settings up so it’s tighter for you?” He almost smiles.

“No,” Jimin holds his wrist.

“I like you like this. Whatever it is.”

Yoongi looks away as he sinks his ass into Jimin’s cock and Jimin half loses his mind. It’s so tight and it feels so fucking amazing. Yoongi shifts, slowly until his balls deep and Jimin sucks in a breath.

“Fuck.” It’s shaky and chipped at the edges Jimin barely recognizes his own voice.

“Fuck me?” Yoongi stares into Jimin’s brown orbs.

Jimin rocks them slowly first, his thighs clenching, his whole body clenching, his breathing heaved and Yoongi starts grinding down, riding him, and they find a heated rhythm, the sound of skin slapping against skin and wet, slick noises the only thing reverberating across the room.

“Yoongi,” Jimin gasps when the android whines at one point, when Jimin snaps his hips up and Yoongi slams his ass down, his lips parting and his eyes tightly shut. Yoongi has his head lolled back and his neck exposed, his adam apple bopping as he swallows. Jimin sucks at skin there hard enough to bruise.

He doesn’t remember exactly who finds who, but they meet in the middle, and Jimin finds their hands interlocked as he fucks into Yoongi, fucks him into oblivion, and he loses his self.

                                                            ✩

Androids sex are a thing. It’s a commonality in the world they now live in. It’s in fact very popular, in different districts and there are shit ton of kinks, settings and demand for droid sex because they aren’t human. They do things no human can and people like that shit. They crave it. People can fall in love with droids too; they fall in love with them all the time. Jimin doesn’t know if droids can actually fall in love, but he’s heard of cases, where droids had to be overwritten of their motherboards, or entirely re-coded because they supposedly fell in love. Most of the time with their makers since they probably spend the longest periods with. Other times with their owners. Jimin doesn’t really remember the news reported much about AI, frankly.

He wonders why the news doesn’t report or research on shit like how droids sleep (charging?), how peaceful and serene they can look sleeping. He sees the marks littered across Yoongi’s body and wonders if they fade over time like how his will. Or he can easily have them removed in a blink of an eye. Or do they actually stay on, permanently?

Yoongi sleeps on quietly, the lull of the aircon the only noise in the background. Jimin leans in and presses a soft kiss on his forehead, dresses up and leaves. He doesn’t like the way his heart squeezes.

“Oh Jiminie hyung,” He hears Jungkook call him from behind. He turns and smiles.

“Wild night?” Jungkook expression changes when he spots something at Jimin’s neck.

“Wilder than yours could ever be.” Jimin smirks. Jungkook coughs then heads off.

Jimin ends up running around the lakehouse for the next hour.

                                                            ✩

Everyone’s all packed and ready to leave but Jimin’s the last because after his run he decided to walk by the woods, taking in the freshness of the air and the calmness of the space. He fell asleep on the grass with the sun shining gently on his face. Taehyung found him and half carried him back to the lakehouse.

Jimin places his last item in his luggage and ignores Jungkook who honks every two minutes. He hears laughter and shouts from his window. When he gets up and reaches for his duffel bag he sees Zoe by the door. She looks at him intently. Jimin grins at her – what a sight to see her without Jin for once, a tease ready at the tip on his tongue, but she beats him to it.

“Got everything Jimin?”

“Yeah.” He smiles, pulling his luggage along. They meet by the doorway and she doesn’t move just yet. Holds his his wrist and asks, “You okay?”

It feels like a punch to the gut because it’s unfair how easy he’s read open like a book. Or maybe Zoe’s just really good at pulling apart frayed seams.

“Yeah I’m great.” Jimin beams brighter than usual. Zoe doesn’t prod and releases her grasp.

“Well, Yoongi is looking for you. He’s down by the lake.”

“Jungkook⁠—”

“He’ll wait⁠.” Zoe sing-songs then pats at Jimin’s arm before whistling down the stairs.

                                                           ✩

The droid stands by the pier, hands in his pockets, the wind ruffling at his hair.

“Zoe said you were looking for me?” Jimin clears his throat. Yoongi turns, and it’s odd seeing him in simple casual wear like an oversized shirt and basketball shorts. It’s odd how natural he blends in.

“Yes I wanted to say goodbye. And give you a hug.” He adds awkwardly. Something tugs at Jimin’s heartstrings.

“Oh. Sure. Well, I’m leaving now.” Jimin laughs nervously.

Yoongi walks towards him, and wraps his arms around his neck. The hug is tight and last longer than usual (Jimin doesn’t mind) and for a moment, he thought he almost felt Yoongi’s heartbeat through his thin black cotton.

“Thank you for last night. I have it favorited and stored under your folder.” Yoongi informs. His eyes curves into crescent and his lips curl upwards into a small smile. He thinks Yoongi looks so pretty like this.

“My folder—”

“Yeah you know—”

“—I know.” Jimin cuts him off. He has always been a curious kid, blazing into the world like fire through a barren forest. He burns like the summer’s air and cut like December’s frost. Yet when it comes to Yoongi, there’s a shake in his heart and he’s off-kilter and Jimin doesn’t like how it feels. Maybe he’s better off computing, storing, like Yoongi.

“Bye Yoongi.” Jimin smiles.

“Goodbye Jimin.”

Jimin never did well with farewells. That’s why he avoids it altogether.

“See you when I see you.” He laughs, when the air got a bit heavy and his eyes stung a little.

Yoongi just grinned. Jimin turns and half-runs back to the cars, lest he decides he never wants to fucking leave this place.

                                                                ✩

Yoongi watches, as the cars drove off, leaving smoke in the trails, melting into the summer air and the clouds decide it’s time for the sun to come out again.

There’s an automatic update Yoongi senses coming on and he doesn’t bother heading back into the house, in the shade. It’s not like he can feel the sunrays. He senses the heat, as he’s wired to, coded, to be as life-like as possible but he doesn’t perspire and his skin doesn’t actually prickle so he just stands there, by the road.

When the update finishes Yoongi roars back to life, and he...feels different. He accesses his drive and finds Jimin’s folder tucked in an entirely different independent drive, one he’s never known before. Yoongi frowns, and heads back to the house, his call sensor beeping from Jin’s dad, many miles away from here.

Yoongi writes a short message as he walks and sends it to his maker. Perhaps he would schedule an appointment with her, and asks about the independent drive.

He dreams of Jimin that night.

                                                               ✩

INPUT NEW: LOADING. . .

WAITING. . .

GENERATING. . .

NEW INPUT GENERATED

ADDED INTO ‘JIMINIE’

FAVOURITED.

01001001 00100000 01101100 01101001 01101011 01100101 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 00100000 01101100 01101001 01101011 01100101 00100000 01110100 01101000 01101001 01110011 00101110 00100000 01010111 01101000 01100001 01110100 01100101 01110110 01100101 01110010 00100000 01101001 01110100 00100000 01101001 01110011 00101110

                                                              ✩

END

[sickficwarshiper]

Sick Brucey

Here’s my first ever sickfic, I believe in this one I swaped Bruce and Peter’s personality but hey, atleast it’s filled with all the whump we loveee.

*************************

Summery:- Bruce is having a bad day and doesn’t know he’s sick despit being a doctor until he reachs his down fall, cue Tony and Peter saving the day.

I suck at summeries I’m terribly sorry you have to go through this, I hope you enjoy the story tho.

@fandomsficsandfeels please judge my writing master of whumpiness *bows head*

__________________________________________

Bruce was confused.

He had woken up to a spinning room,his body was aching and his brain wasn’t keeping up with what his eyes were seeing, simply thinking he was being an idiot again with his non sleeping habits, he was starting to worry Tony was affecting him with the amount of times he stayed up late convincing the billionaire into having some shut eye if he wanted to stay functioning and the billionaire managing to tempt him into starting a new formula to help peter’s incredibly high metabolism. Yet even though he stayed up late the day before, he knew he had at least 8 hours of sleep and according to the wall clock in his bedroom -if he was seeing correctly- it was afternoon already. Bruce NEVER slept in.

He checked his stark phone -the one Tony gave him on his birthday with a ‘number one Science nerd’ phone case- and found a reminder that had him jumping out of bed and sprinting to the bathroom to start a shower.

Science lab day with tony at 1:00pm

Considering he woke up at 12:45 he only had about 5 minutes to shower and 10 minutes driving if he wants to make it there on time.

He ignored the dizzy spell that hit him and blamed it on grogginess from just waking up, and started the actual shower which was cold because he had no time for hot relaxing showers that helps with tense muscles an-

Okay, maybe it was a bad idea to stay up late experimenting the right formulas for the medicine.

He got out of the shower having not really done much and was sure he still had shampoo in his hair that would soon dry and be a pain in the ass to get off later, put on whatever the hell was laid on his desk’s chair, not really caring if it was the same clothes he wore the day prior and started to stumble down the stairs with the aim of not tripping over his own feet which would lead to the consequences of not being able to make it at all even after all the trouble he went through. He knew it was already bad enough he missed breakfast, but he couldn’t bare seeing anything edible at the moment, he blamed it on the anxiousness of not making it there on time.

He knew tony wouldn’t mind if he was a bit late, but he likes to always be on time. He doesn’t like letting anyone down. (A/N I don’t know why he sounds so much like peter rn lol)

Looking at the time, he had 12 minutes to make it there on time, which meant he showered and dressed in only 3 minutes. He thanked Thor he lived near the compound and would eventually make it in 11 minutes according to the navigation.

He was sweating, obviously after all the stumbling and sprinting about he just did, but it wasn’t the kind of sweating it was supposed to be. He was surprisingly cold and the sweat was irritating him, maybe he should’ve gotten a thicker shirt on.

Has it always been this suffocating in his car? Why was he constantly switching between irritatingly hot and unreasonably cold every few seconds ? He should probably ask Tony to check his AC for him. Despite his shivering and constant tugging on his shirt’s collar, he kept his gaze on the road while ignoring his blurry vision.

Thanks to his annoying wavering vision, he managed to take two wrong turns and three almost accidents, and he made it to the compound in 15 minutes.

Cursing his screwed over luck, he dragged himself out of the car while contemplating whether it was worth all this effort. He struggled for purchase on his car door when he stood up too quickly, taking a sharp inhale when his vision blurred and dark spots danced around the edges of his sight, thinking maybe skipping breakfast wasn’t a good idea either.

His body was trembling and he felt fatigue tug on him like a wet blanket, forcing his body back on the driver seat, he took steady calculated breaths to will the dizziness away, deciding through his stomach’s complaint that he’ll grab a bite if when he makes it to Tony’s lab.

Just when he was about to try standing again his phone rang.

“This is Bruce.” He rubbed his eyes with the knuckles of his left hand to get rid of the blurriness. Blaming the hoarseness of his voice and his scratchy throat on his thirst.

“Oh so you’re alive! good, because I’ll have to disturb your beauty sleep -giving the way you sound right now- by asking whether you’re still up for lab day or not.” He could hear distant foot steps on Tony’s line which clearly didn’t belong to him.

“Uh, yeah I am. Not sleeping though, I’m in the garage and was about to make my way to the front doors.” He stifled a cough that was threatening to rip out of his throat for no apparent reason, he should definitely have a drink after all.

“Great because I’ve- HEY leave that alone!” He heard a crash and a ‘sorry’ he frowned, pepper was out of town for a conference meeting and Rhodey had a meeting with the president.

“Tony, who’s with you?”

A few struggling and a heavy sigh later, Tony reached the line again, “Oh it’s just Peter, which is why I called by the way. Are you okay with having a third nerd on our lab day?”

He groaned, it’s not that he hated Peter’s company quite the contrary he loved it, it’s just that the kid’s energy was draining, and he was already lacking any energy to get him out of the damned car to begin with. This is what happens when he stays up too late and misses breakfast, after a quick snack he’ll be okay. Hopefully.

“Brucey?”

Oh yes, verbal answers, ugh they are the worst. “Yeah absolutely, Peter’s always welcomed.”

“Alright, get your ass up here before we die of boredom.” And with that the line went dead.

Sighing, he got up -slowly this time- and though still dizzy, he managed to lock the car and make it up the steps to the front entrance. He even made it to the elevator with not much trouble.

“Good afternoon Dr.Banner.” Came the robotic voice of the AI.

“Good afternoon FRIDAY.”

Leaning heavily on the elevator’s wall, hunching over in a fetal position, it seemed this was the only position his body was approving of. the AI was apparently informed of his arrival and started taking him to his destination. He always hated the way Tony designed his elevators, with all this unreasonable colors, it was starting to hurt his eyes, his eyes were watering unwillingly... well... because of the elevator’s crapy design of course -Totally not a billionaire’s at all- *though on any other day he always liked the colors and found them fascinating*.

Still dizzy , he blinked his eyes rapidly trying but failing to get rid of the constant blurriness and took deep breathes when nausea kicked in with the list of the other inconvenient symptoms -caused obviously from lack of sleep and proper rest-

“Sir, your heart rate is elevated and I am detecting a low degree fever, should I send you to the med bay instead?” Called the sound of the AI.

He ignored the sound for a minute to try and keep his breathing under control and push the black dots away, he always thought the AI was a genius just like it’s creator, knowing medical conditions was fascinating but it wasn’t making any sense right now, what fever? He was absolutely fine. He straightened up ignoring the way his body wanted to hunch back over in discomfort, and took one final deep breath.

“No thanks, I’ll have something on my way up, must be because of dehydration and lack of nutritions.” Obviously. He didn’t have a sip of water today. I mean come on, he’s a doctor. If anyone would know, it was him. He knows how to fix all this.

When he finally made it, he saw a sight that got him almost reaching out for the first floor’s button again.

Peter was hanging upside down on the lab’s ceiling, with Tony webbed to the other side of the room. Objects scattered on the floor messily and some of his test tubes and round bottom flasks broken with it’s ‘important’ contents spilled on the floor. Bruce was shocked to say the least. Infact, shocked was an understatement. He was not functioning properly because of -lack of nutritions-

And he was shifting from cold to hot every second, he was definitely not willing to deal with this shit and neither was the other guy.

He took deep calming breathes, forcing the other guy to back off and turned to Tony.

“Couldn’t you have at least NOT touched my part of the lab? Tony this formula was the only ones we experimented on for Peter’s medicine! God what is wrong with both of you, I was late for only five minutes! Five! Whenever you two meet up it only causes destruction. Jesus you wrecked my whole space!” He didn’t mean to snap, he was just irritated. He didn’t have the best morning and he is definitely not feeling so great because of lack of nutritions, he doesn’t know if that’s even the reason anymore he just wants to sleep.

They both stared at him worriedly, what’s wrong with them! honestly, he couldn’t deal with their shit anymore than that.

“You know what? I’ll just go fucking grab whatever it is you have in your kitchen, I missed breakfast and I’ve gone through shit today just to get here on time, and for what? A grown up webbed up to the wall and a teenager hanging off the ceiling, you’re both cleaning this up I’m not dealing with your shit until I calm the fuck down. When you’re done call for me.” And with that he left.

~Time skip brought to you by Spider baby.~ ^_^

They called him as promised after all his lab equipments were back in place, minus the ones they broke and everyone was working in silence.

Bruce was about to snap again. For the past 30 minutes he had been trying to make a chemical formula with a throbbing headache that was slowly turning into a migraine, failing miserably because of his shaky hands and watering blurry eyes. He kept taking calculated breathes, deep and steady. But he was still trembling.The food he had earlier was taking a troll on him, intensifying his nausea and threatening to make a second appearance, apparently Tony’s AC was shitty as well because he was shifting between cold and hot again.

And just when his anger subsided, his shaky hands dropped the test tube and he watched in slow motions as it chattered to pieces on the desk.

30 minutes worth of struggling, all chattered in a matter of seconds.

Bruce was on the verge of tears. Literally.

His vision wavered and he sank to the floor on his knees, holding his head while breathing sharply through his teeth, ignoring the tear track he now had on his face, he started coughing ugly deep throaty coughs, he almost coughed his lungs out and he was pretty sure he would pass out soon.

“Hey hey hey, easy.” He heard more than saw Tony and Peter making their way over to him.

Bruce kept his face in his hands and just cried.

“I b-broke it.” He sobbed, coughing weakly as he took in a deep breath, feeling strong hands helping him up and onto a chair, which he was most grateful for because of the spinning that was happening around him.

“It’s alright big guy, you broke a gazillion of those before what’s the big deal?” Tony rubbed his back slowly while he was hunched over on the chair, still crying and coughing.

“I know b-but I feel awful and I’m cold yet I’m hot a-and my head hurts and- thirty minutes! T-thirty fucking minutes tr-trying to do something right b-but my stupid hands keep shaking, I feel so exhausted and I just w-want to sleep.” Honestly he had no idea why he was crying, this was a really unnecessary thing to be crying over and he was just crying from fatigue at this point.

Then he felt a cool small hand touch his forehead, unconsciously he leaned into the comforting touch. Watching with glazed over eyes as peter’s face pinched in worry, glancing at what he assumed was tony over his shoulder with a nod.

“Friday, what’s his temperature?”

“Dr.Banner’s temperature was at 99.7 degrees when he came here and has been steadily climbing from stress till 102.4 degrees. Bed rest is recommended and a-lot of water to prevent dehydration. Light food and medicine should also be added to the list.”

“W-what? I’m sic-“ he was interrupted by a dry heave, surprisingly there was a trash can under his chin which Peter had bought over, apparently expecting this would happen eventually.

“I think this answered your question.” Tony sighed.

“I’ll go grab you some medicine Dr.Banner. You should get some rest here today, I don’t think you’ll be able to make it home in this condition.” He offered him a soft smile before going to get him the medicine as promised.

Relishing the comfort from the back rubbing Tony was giving him, he didn’t even look surprised that Tony was giving him physical comfort, or more like, he didn’t care. He just wanted to sleep.

Eye lids drooping, weak coughs and more puking later, Peter comes back with medicine and a glass of water. Both Tony and Peter helped him up to the comfortable couch in the lab and Tony left to get some blankets.

“I knew before you came into the lab you were sick.”

Bruce stared at him with disbelief da fuq?

“I heard your heart rate and breathing. I even told Tony while we were cleaning up the lab, he said I should leave it for a bit until you calmed down.” Peter fiddled with a string on the hem of his shirt absentmindedly, a nerves habit Bruce caught up with from all the time the three of them hung out in the lab.

Bruce looked away guiltily.

“I’m sorry about that, I didn’t even know I was sick. I was irritated with how my body was acting and just wanted to go home, Tony knows I hate it when he goes through my lab stuff, let alone break it.” He took a deep breath and let it out in a long sigh.

“I was so close to reaching the right formula for a medicine that works with your metabolism, one that works even better than Steve’s, that’s why I got angry.” He coughed weakly into his fist and shifted his position for a more comfortable one that fits his stomach’s liking.

Peter hung his head before speaking again.

“M-maybe you should probably focus on you right now, I-I mean I’m not ordering you I’m just worried about you, Mr.Stark told me you’ve been staying up with him lately and it’s bad for your health, n-not that I’m judging you or anyth-“

“It’s okay Peter Jesus calm down, I appreciate the concern.” Bruce chuckled.

Tony came back with 3 blankets, two for Bruce and one for Peter and himself.

“Today we’re all taking a break, we’re going to take big care of you right Pete?”

Peter’s eyes twinkled innocently as he nodded, beaming brightly at Bruce. And he could’ve sworn he started feeling a tiny bit better because of it.

Peter and Tony wrapped him up in a burrito after giving him medicine and putting around some lit scented candles, “I remember you telling me once how it gets hard to control the other guy while sick.” Tony had said while he lit up the candles and they all sat huddled up in blankets while watching some Brooklyn nine-nine upon Peter’s request.

Bruce sat content not really concentrating on the show anymore, but more like thanking whatever god that is up there besides Thor and Loki for having the most caring family ever. He already felt a lot better than when he woke up this afternoon.

And with those thoughts in mind, Bruce drifted off into a dreamless sleep surrounded by warmth and a relaxing atmosphere, filled with small chuckles and quite babbles, thinking maybe today wasn’t as bad a day as he thought it was.

[pineapplesareunderrated]

Under pressure

Rhys finds an yellow talking robot with annoying voice. & Jack has an old nightmare.

Previous 

It was already dawn when Rhys found the robot. He was digging through some old corpses, mumbling something about skags’ buttholes and how the dead guy’s face reminded him of them.

The unit stopped with whatever he was doing when he saw Rhys approaching .

“Well hello there, stranger.” The machine greeted him with loud and annoying voice, making Rhys’s headache even more unbearable. “Judging by your inappropriate clothing, you sir, are very lost.” It rolled closer to Rhys studying him with a huge interest. “Forgive me for being rude or something, but are you by any chance one of the Vault Hunters?”

“Ehm. Yeah. I am…” Rhys tried to focus on the appearance of the talking robot through his blurred vision. It was small. Almost half of Rhys’ height. It’s colour was in Hyperion yellow and it was moving on only one wheel which, Rhys though, had to be extremely impractical, judging by the fact that they were in area covered by nothing but tons and tons of snow. “Are you a claptrap unit? “

“Oh, how inappropriate of me. I haven’t even introduced myself yet! Let me fix that. I am a CL4P-TP steward bot, but my friends call me…”

“Claptrap. Like all those others units. I know. So please, just…Just shut up. The sound of your voice is making my head hurt.”

“No problem. I am well known for my capability to be a completely silent companion, aside from my many others skills. Like making cupcakes, riding horses or singing. And most importantly, daaanciing.”

And then it started dancing. Rhys would’ve face-palm himself, if he wouldn´t have been so painfully exhausted. “Listen. Please I am very tired, cold and unbelievably hungry. So, if you could just show me a place to hide from the cold or something? That, that would be great.”

“Well of course mighty Vault Hunter. Follow me.” Claptrap turned around and went away without checking if Rhys was going after him.

With heavy sigh Rhys started walking in the same direction as the forever mumbling unit, who seemed to have hidden and lost its ability to stay quiet for more than two minutes somewhere under the deep snow. Rhys thought he’d heard him to say something about Sanctuary, but at that moment he couldn’t really care less.

Seriously. Only Rhys, one of the few people who actually welcomed the mass killing of claptrap product line after Jack got to power, could be the one who would manage to find one of the last functioning pieces in the frozen middle of nowhere.

Luckily for Rhys, who’s leg was beginning to feel like it was going to fall off, it didn’t take too long to get to Claptrap’s hide out. Claptrap managed to get the door open- obviously, that was one of the few things those bots were good at- and Rhys followed him in.

The temperature inside the cave was almost the same as outside, but at least now he was hidden from the freezing air.

“So, why do you have all those dead bodies around here? “Rhys pointed at dead psycho who they’ve just passed by.

“Oh yeah. Sorry about that. Handsome Jack has made his personal dump out of this place. Most of the things he kills ends up here. Bandits, Vault Hunters, Claptrap units…”

“You sound kinda pleased about this.”

“Oh, that’s because my programmers made this my default tone of voice. I am actually quite depressed!”

“Sorry to hear that.” Rhys was only half paying attention to what the unit was saying, keeping himself busy by looking around at what seemed to by Claptraps living room.

“Aw. How kind of you! Well, let’s see what we can do about your health state.” When the Vault Hunter turned around he saw Claptrap approaching him with a red filled syringe in its metallic hand. Without thinking, Rhys grabbed some gun which was lying nearby and pointed it at the unit. “What the hell do you think you are doing?! “

“Giving you the insta health?” When Rhys didn’t move, so the bot continued. “Surely an experienced Vault Hunter like you has already used one of those?” He hasn’t. But it would be a lie if he said that he’d never heard of them.

Expensive, almost magical medicine, used mainly by Vault Hunters, which guaranteed to its user an immediate relief from any wound, with only minor side effects. There were extremely rare. You’d have to pay tons of money to the right people just to get one of those. But it seemed that on Pandora they were much more common than in the rest of the galaxy. Rhys shouldn’t be so surprised. This was Pandora after all.

Still. There was no way he was going to get this thing near his skin. “I don’t do needles.”

“Are you sure about that? I mean, we are not going anywhere with the state your leg is in.” As in a respond to that, a sharp pain ran through Rhys’ leg, making his teeth clench.

He tried to consider his options. It was a staying here, in Claptraps hideout and waiting until the leg healed itself. Which could take from two days to weeks or b just taking the medicine and getting away from here as fast as possible.

“Ah, for a for a love of… Give it here.” Rhys grabbed the thing from Claptraps hand and took a deep breath. Trying not to think about it too much, he stabbed the needle into his leg.

He felt the effect immediately. A warm feeling coming from the spot where his skin met with the sharp iron quickly spread through his entire body washing all the pain away. Together with his tiredness and hunger. He felt amazing.

“Wow” Rhys breath out, not realizing that he’d been holding his breath.

“I am glad you made it here” A soft voice just spoken from behind him. Rhys jumped and turned to face a picture of a young girl who just appeared out of nowhere.

Reflexively, he tried to punch her but his fist just came right through her.

He tried once more, and again until he finally realized that this would lead him nowhere and turned to Claptrap. “What the hell was in that thing?!”

“Well, the essential composition is company’s secret, but I am pretty sure they add some hydrogen phosphate in those. Some say that’s what makes it turn purple when you try to pee on in.

“Would you please stop freaking out? You are making yourself look silly” The girl said in a soft voice.

“You! You drugged me. Made me seeing things. Why am I seeing hot brunets floating in thin air?”

“That’s what insta health does? Men, now I really wish I could use one of those.”

“You are not hallucinating Rhys.” She said trying to regain his attention. “I am an AI, using your cybernetics to communicate with you. “

“My name is Angel. And I am here to help you”

Jack had an awful night.

Communication with Maliwan led him nowhere. The CEO used all his tricks and energy on trying to talk some sense into those knotheads, but it all met with the same refusing reaction. With all his willpower Jack stopped himself from any further dialog with the competitive company, before he would start threatening them. He rolled himself away from the table and turned his chair to face the giant window behind him, resting his face into his palm.

This was bad. He’d left the guy in Maliwan for way too long. He knew that, but still. Jack was so sure that there were planning something. They always were. He just needed to find out what it was this time. Maybe if he had more time… No. There was no point in thinking about that now.

Maybe he should just send someone to kill the spy. He was useless anyway and knowing Maliwan, there were in the middle of getting all information the guy had stored in his incapable head. Jack was sure that Nisha would do it without a wink of her pretty brown eye. Or he would just send Wilhelm.

Talking about Wilhelm, there was something off with that guy.

After the last surgery, he looked and acted more like a robot than anything else. And even though Jack would’ve never admitted that out loud, it scared the living shit out of him.

People, Jack could handle. People were easy to read, easy to kill. But robots? They were something totally different. Jack was an engineer, he knew how to build a robot, he understood how they worked. And how easy it was for them to turn against you whenever something unpredictably switched in their weird mechanical minds. That was one of the reasons why he decided to turn off all claptrap units soon after he became the CEO. Claptraps were getting involved into everything. There were just all-over the fricking place, it was only a matter of time before one of them decided to go into bloodthirsty rage and shoot out half of a city. He was sure about that.

Jack didn't realize how tired he was, until his eyes started closing on their own will. God, when was the last time he’d slept for more than three hours? He couldn’t remember.

But really, who could blame him for avoiding sleep, when all his vivid dreams were filled with nightmares and horrors, no psycho would ever be ashamed of.

Jack sight. There was no point in fighting it. Even though he didn’t like to admit it, Handsome Jack was still a human being, and before the incompetent fist fucks who he hired to work in his labs made him some pills that would help him get rid of this annoying human habit, he will need sleep.

For a second, he considered going into his bedroom, but decided against it. The chair he was sitting in will do just fine. He paid unholy amount of money for this chair so he better be able to have a nice nap in it.

Jack pushed himself deeper into the soft black fabric and closed his eyes. The sleep came almost immediately, soon followed by an old nightmare.

The walls around him were hard, but sticky to touch. Air in the room was cold. So cold, a puff of steam would come out of his mouth every time he breathed out. It was just the right temperature, when your mind wouldn’t get numb, but it’s still cold enough to keep you awake during the whole time you’d spent in here. John couldn’t remember what it was he did to deserve to be in The Pit again.

The Pit, was a name his grandma gave to the this place. The room itself was hidden under their house. Its original purpose was to serve as a place for storing food, before they could save up enough money to buy a proper fridge.

Now there was no real purpose for it, so his grandma decided to use it as some kind of punishment room for John. Whenever she thought that her grandson was being a “bad boy” she would send him to The Pit and left him in there for a day or two.

Sometimes being a bad boy meant coming home late, leaving the door open, or just talking to her with an inappropriate tone. She would always find a reason to send him in there.

John hated The Pit and she knew it. Sometimes, he thought, he would prefer another beating with Mr. Buzzteeth. Buzzteeth was a buzz axe she made herself out of skags teeth, psychos nails and more nasty things she found outside her house. That woman had a weird habit in giving names to inanimate objects.

John had abnormal fear of being in enclosed or narrow places with no way to escape. It made him feel trapped, vulnerable.

The boy tried punching the walls again. He knew they weren’t moving, but unless he could feel the hard, steady structure under his fist he couldn’t tell just how far they really were from him.

He wanted to get out. He wanted to get out from this dark, smelly place and feel the breeze and see the trees and just run, run way.

His heart was beginning to pound erratically. His childish mind was searching for a way out, for something to help him to get away from here. He wanted to get out so badly.

The boy wants to scream. Call for help, but he knows that he can’t do that. If he does she would come here, with her buzzing axe and beat him to pulp. Then she would just leave him here in the cold, all covered in his own blood for another day.

John didn’t want that. He wanted to stay quiet, but he just couldn’t help it. He couldn’t stop the screams coming from his mouth, he couldn’t stop the small fist from beating hard into the iron door, begging for her to let him out.

And then there she was. Standing above him, with Mr Buzzteeth in hand, crazy grin spread across her wrinkled old face. “Now, what do we have here” John wipes of tears from his face, not daring to look away from her. “Someone is being a bad boy again.” She swings the axe and hits John hard into his small skinny chest.

Jack wakes screaming and covered in cold sweat. There was a gun placed in his hand and his eyes were searching for any sign of movement, ready to shoot.

It took him a moment before his mind settled and he fully realised where he was. Safe and sound in his huge office, that was equipped with the most effective security system within the entire galaxy, free of any crazed grandmas and their disgusting axes.

Damn that woman. Making a hell out of his life even after all those years. No matter how much distance there was between the two of them, she would always find a way how to terrorize the hell out of him.

Jack tucked the gun back into his case and ran his hand through the brown hair, destroying the rest of its usually perfect shape. He will need to redo them before he starts letting people in.

He should just send someone to kill her. Maybe all those nightmares will stop once she is buried deep under the ground. He could just pay some bandits to do the job for him and make the garbage do something useful at least for once in their miserable lives.

Shaking his head, he let out a heavy sight. As if I haven’t tried that before.

Jack wasn’t sure if he could count the number of times when he decided to just off the lady. Or better. Just to pay someone to off her for him. Once, he even got that far that he actually started recording the quest on the ECHO net. But he never finished it. The awful feeling growing from somewhere deep-inside him wouldn’t let him. It would force him to question his decision, make him scared of the act and just pushing him into finding something else to busy himself with, getting his mind away from her.

Sighing again, he looked around his office. His working table was barely visible under the growing pile of papers, half of which needed his attention yesterday, another huge company was threatening him with an armed conflict and Hyperion had neither the time nor the personal to afford that, more and more of his eridium mines were getting taken over by the shit-eating bandits and on top of all it, his assassination attempt didn’t meet with full success and now there was one more Vault Hunter running around on Pandora.

There was only one thing for the CEO of Hyperion to do.

Get drunk and play some video games.

[thelimpingalpaca]

Iron Man Infinity Stone: None Villains: The Ten Rings, Obadiah “Iron Monger” Stane The Ten Rings cell that had Tony is dead, so is the group that Obie had executed by his guys (something that is never brought up again, are they like Black Water?), Raza is unknown, Obadiah is killed by Pepper.

Back In Black! I’d forgotten it started with the convoy kidnapping A whiskey tumbler in a humvee? Be a little more ostentatious Tony. This is an excellent introduction to his character Oh that phone. So 2008. The pressure wave from that explosion should have liquefied him Las Vegas- 36 hours earlier That’s not the Howard we know Is Rhodey supposed to be younger than Tony? “My great mentor.” Happy is so young. “And what about The Merchant of Death?” Christine Everhart is not fucking around. “Peace means having a bigger stick than the other guy.” Howard is just the worst. That mansion really is fantastic. Pepper is fucking brutal and I love her.

His flight should have left at 5:30, it’s past 7 MIT commencement in June- so March-ish Deflect and absorb. That’s Tony in a nutshell Rhodey has been waiting for three hours at what appears to be a Stark Industries private airport Rhodey is salty and it is well deserved. Tony is being a dick. Bagram Air Base- Afghanistan Stark Industries Freedom Line Proprietary repulsor technology Tony’s a little racist with that line about the bad guys not wanting to come out of their caves. Oh that Verizon phone The funvee Tony’s the goddamned luckiest man alive. Having an operation with minimal anesthetic in a non-sterile environment and not getting taken out by a staph infection Ugh not the nose tube Yinsen is a genius Headed into your atrial septum Electromagnet keeping the shrapnel from entering his heart “How did they get my guns?” at least he really believes that his company is good. “Welcome Tony Stark, the most famous mass murderer in the history of America.” They hold his head underwater to get him t build the missile and he hears Pepper call his name “When you’re done he will set you free.” “No he won’t.” “No, he won’t.” Yinsen lectures him about not dying like this. About a last act of defiance. But he thinks he’ll be dead in a week. “Well then, this is a very important week for you.” Yinsen gives him the low down on the Ten Rings Palladium. .15 grams. He needs 1.6 at least. Are you just now learning his name? WTF Tony? 3 gigajoules per second I have always heard this line as it could warm your heart but I think it’s supposed to be run. Which makes more sense. I’m still not sure why the magnet wouldn’t eventually extract the shrapnel on it’s own. But I don’t think I’m supposed to think about it that hard. Yinsen is from Gulmira. He has a family. Tony does not. A man who has everything and nothing. They have until tomorrow. Tony the blacksmith. It’s a good look Is nobody watching the camera feed? He as to memorize how many steps and turns to get out. The timeline is accelerated “I’m gonna go buy you some time.” “Stick to the plan.” And then Yinsen breaks my fucking heart by firing at the ceiling the whole time. He can’t kill these men even to save himself. You should be afraid of the dark. That is how you do a reveal I missed this part in the theater cause I had to pee “This was always the plan, Stark.” “Thank you, for saving me.” “Don’t waste your life.” There are so many parallels to Steve holding a dying Erskine. Tony burns it all and flies away from the explosion like a badass. Almost And then he wanders the desert like Jesus Which I think makes Rhodey God That hug And Pepper’s tears Tony! Go to a doctor Their relationship is just the best He was in captivity for 3 months “Press conference. Cheeseburger first.” Hey Coulson SHIELD wants to debrief Stark “I never got to say goodbye to my father.” Tony has doubts This whole speech is great and his character just keeps circling back to systems with no accountability What is that look on Rhodey’s face? Is it disappointment or sadness? Worry? Tony wants to do better They haven’t had a breakthrough in arc reactor tech in 30 years (so 1980?) “No more of this ready, fire, aim business.” God, Obie’s manipulation hurts Tony why is your PA helping you perform open heart surgery on yourself? This is not acceptable. He’s going into cardiac arrest The way she says “It’s going to be okay. I’m going to make this okay.” While freaking out “I don’t have anyone but you.” Tony, you are lying about not being nostalgic Spring break 1987 Tony wants to bring Rhodey in on Iron Man Rhodey wants him to take time to get his mind right What are those glyphs on his keyboard? Why do you keep the bot if it’s not helpful? Is that possibly nostalgia? The fire extinguisher gag never gets old “I thought you were done making weapons?” “This is a flight stabilizer.” And he goes flying. A+ writing “I didn’t expect that.” Stocks dipped 56.5 points He has controlling interest in the country Day 11, test 37 Does lecturing the bots make you feel better? “Sometimes you gotta run before you can walk.” Listen to your AI Tony, you built him to care about you and he would like you to not die. There’s a built in sort of parachute function that stabilizes him while he’s falling and the suit is dead. What happens to that function? I’m pretty sure you shouldn’t have fallen through the roof and the floor but it’s funny And the fire extinguisher Proof that Tony Stark has a heart Seraphim tactical satellite Tony Stark’s 3rd Annual Benefit for Firefighters Rumor is that he’s been bed ridden for weeks Jarvis, I love you Estimated completion time on the new suit is five hours Obie you monster “Give me a scotch, I’m starving.” 24th at 7pm at SI Tony being utterly distracted by Pepper in that dress He is taller than her and it is laughable Coulson is judging you Pepper’s freak out is completely reasonable Tony doesn’t get it And she tries to kiss him and he doesn’t reciprocate “Like, at least 3 olives.” Oh look, the last woman he slept with. He thinks this confrontation is about sex and is reasonably panicked It’s about Gulmira “Well I’m not my company.” Tony had no idea about the double dealing Obie locked him out. Filed the injunction and then claims it’s about protecting him Tony hate watches the news That is shockingly clear news footage The Ten Rings is ISIS When did you have time to build that assembly machine? Also his tactical scuba suit It’s a badass looking scene though Is it snowing or is that ash? 8 dead men “He’s all yours.” Is too libertarian for me. A shot from a tank can’t kill him. At least 5 more dead Edwards Air Force Base, California They can’t figure out what agency the bogie is with Col. Rhodes from Weapons Development Get better at lying maybe? Whiplash One He can go super sonic and has flares for misdirection And he destroys a billion dollar jet with his abs F22 inside a legal no fly zone Rhodey wants plausible deniability The training exercise bit “This is not the worst thing you’ve caught me doing.” Her horror at the bullet holes That sonic emitter is cool But why leave Raza alive and kill all of his men? Tony needs Pepper to hack “I’m gonna find my weapons and destroy them.” “There is the next mission and nothing else.” Where is this man during the Avengers? “I shouldn’t be alive unless it’s for a reason.” She doesn’t want to watch him die. But she’ll help him do the right thing, cause he’s all she has too And I love that they tell each other that Sector 16 She finds out Obie paid to have Tony killed At least she’s a good liar Obie wears his pants like a racist “Tony never did come home did he?” Why would you have that stuff on the SI server? Coulson’s there so it must be 7 on the 24th And Pepper is smart enough to take the agent with her “Tony Stark was able to build this in a cave with a box of scraps!” And Obie is the worst. When did he become indifferent enough to Tony to do this? What is that thing that extracts the arc reactor? Did he get it from the basement? “Your father, he helped to give us the Atomic bomb. Now what kind of world would it be today if he was as selfish as you?” a better fucking world! We did not need the atomic bomb. Tony’s face “Too bad you had to involve Pepper in this. I would’ve preferred that she lived.” Does he like her or is it just caue killing them both is too messy? Pepper to the rescue And Rhodey just accepts what she’s telling him He looks so miffed that the bot was helpful “Good boy.” Pepper has five agents as back up “Keep the skies clear.” What are all those chains for? The super villain aesthetic? Pepper runs like a boss over grating in four inch heels And Obie climbs out of the ground like a horrible bug “Your services are no longer required.” Obie, please The family in the van is very Spielberg Power 19 percent “For 30 years I’ve been holding you up!” “I built this company from nothing and nothing’s going to sand in my way.” Was he running the company while Howard was off at SHIELD? Cause the company existed in the 40s. So… “Sir, it appears his suit can fly too.” Jarvis, please “I know the math!” Rhodey and the training exercises The icing problem He’s on emergency back up power Pepper needs to overload the reactor and blow the roof “Trying to rid the world of weapons you gave it its best one ever.” Pepper Kills Obie That “Tony!” is the same one from the cave God-titanium alloy SHIELD is covering it up, Rhodey is helping They’re saying Obie is on vacation and his small plane goes down They have a moment and Pepper drags him like she should. “Will that be all Mr. Stark?” “Yes, that will be all Ms. Potts.” “That would be outlandish and… fantastic.” “The truth is… I am Iron Man.” Fade to Black Sabbath Post credits “You think you’re the only superhero in the world. You become part of a bigger universe, you just don’t know it.” Boy has he been waiting for fifteen years to say that “I’m here to talk to you about the Avengers Initiative.”