#please i'll love you forever!

[heartorbit]

i'm sending this endless melody to a nameless you

[mirabuns]

Hi. I don't normally post here. I do a lot of reblogging but I desperately need help. My best friend, Norman has been hospitalized since Saturday 3/2. I took him to the emergency vet for loss of appetite, sudden weight loss and extreme lethargy. They diagnosed him with diabetes. They hospitalized him and we've struggled getting him well ever since. I got multiple calls at the late hours of the night on Sunday night. He had a really rough night, they had a hard time keeping him alive, they told me he had hard damage to his liver and it could possibly be shutting down. The vet doesn't want to give up on him, but that means I'll have to pay another night of hospitalization including insulin, boarding, IV, medications, and round the clock care from staff. I have already fitted a $12,000 bill for Saturday 3/2-Monday 3/4 and do not have much more to give. This cat means the world to me and has given me a reason to wake up everyday and try. I have and will continue to empty my bank account for him. I don't like asking for help and have done so on any kind of platform but he is so important to me amd I could never live with myself if I didn't try everything possible. Please consider donating if you have any extra and are feeling generous, I appreciate every bit of help more than you'll ever know. Please I just want my baby boy to come home.

I understand a lot of people are going through a lot now days and I'll understand if you can't donate. If you can reblog please do, I really need the help.

https://gofund.me/50fec199

[scarycranegame]

thinking about. transfems. and trans girls. and how cool they are.. literally if you're a tgirl or girl-adjacent transgender person i want you to know that. you are so wonderful and beautiful and kind and talented.. we need you on this site now more than ever, and im so sorry about literally everything that's happened here. none of you deserve to be treated like this; you deserve so much better, and i'm sincerely hoping that other people (especially people with power to instate significant change that affects a lot of people) will understand this and work towards making this a safer platform for all of you. please don't let anything that's happening right now on this literal hellsite make you think that you're any less than amazing; i love all of you so so so much <333 please stay safe out there!!!

[jarondont]

athena is amazing thank you for coming to my ted talk

[psychomusic]

so. I've been reading some posts on the jedi order tag AND i won't talk about my opinion on "are jedi good or bad discourse" BUT i wanna point out some lore to everyone who's complaining about the jedi taking kids into their order: (in the EU) it wasn't always like this.

if you take swtor era (more than 3000 years before the prequels) there were many jedi who joined at an older age. like, for example there was a guy who broke his engagement to become one. most jedi remember their families because they were old enough when they decided to go.

THEN in darth bane's book trilogy (circa 1000 yesrs before the prequels) there is a passage where two sith lords are talking about taking bane, already an adult, to study at korriban. one doubted him because he was too old, ans the other told him he sounded like a jedi, and that ONE DAY jedi will have to accept only kids into their ranks if they really want to find "pure" people that can learn their lessons quicker.

one day!! so it wasn't always like that!! the ongoing wars with the sith, who corrupted and killed many of them, had pressured them into taking always younger people into their ranks.

also, consider a thing that this video explains super well: training to become a jedi is not like exercising, because there is a transformative lesson at the end of the training that changes everything. you can't just do as much as you can, but not finish.

the transformative lesson, as the video explains, is that through the force, everything is the same - from rocks and ships to life and death. at the end of the training you have to understand this fundamental truth.

yoda says "you have to unlearn what you have learned". during times where they were constantly killed off or corrupted by the dark side (and if you haven't learned this lesson you are more susceptible to this corrupting), younger people were taken in to actually finish their training (a training that was ultimately about being a good person AND that you could leave at any point if you weren't sold on that, too)

(remember that for the sith failure = death. like. that was the alternative for force sensitive kids. it's not like sith had any moral problem with taking kids away without consent. sith don't have moral problems: they believe that them being stronger in the force means they can do whatever they want as long as their strong enough to go and do it. there are MANY passages in many different star wars stories, even in different mediums, that say this out loud)

AND (this is more of a critical thought than just stating the lore) the fact that they started doing it out of necessity doesn't mean it's 100% good BUT you know. the whole set up of the prequels is that we're starting off the story in a period of crisis and decadence all around. most of the systems of the times were about to fall. OF COURSE they had problems. if they didn't, we wouldn't have the story to begin with.

that doesn't automatically mean jedi = bad and sith are better, tho. you wouldn't take the last, chaotic and decadent period to jugde something, would you? it's like deciding that the athenian democracy sucked because people at the times of Demosthenes failed at recognizing the new schemes in which the world was evolving into, and still believed that their city would be important as it had been in the previous century. They just didn't fucking expect the Macedons would conquer half the world known and more, and have the subsequent political power. Still, their experiences in the 5th century with democracy were very good, even better than ours on many fronts, if you contextualize a little. the jedi had flaws, and most importantly, they didn't fucking know the future and everything that ever happened, ever, so they made mistakes. that doesn't automatically make the system ill, or bad, or not-working. systems can have setbacks when the world changes. (just like athenian democracy had one when they lost the empire that was funding the democracy. they even had a tyranny for a while and then fixed the problems. that doesn't diminish retrospectively their democracy)

[sylsoddsandends]

lack of knowledge/desire to learn to animate will not stop me from making little storyboards

[drarrily-we-row-along]

Hey everyone.

Maybe some of you have noticed that my writing's been super sporadic since like June (if you haven't that's very okay) but I just wanted to write a little bit about what's been happening in my life because it's had a pretty big impact on my writing.

It turns out that I'm actually ace.

So, if you happen to notice an uptick in me writing fics with ace characters who still get to be loved, I'm just trying to process a thing.

Please feel free to skip the rest of this post if you're not interested in the harrowing journey of self discovery. I am absolutely giving too much information about my life, I'm just really working at processing everything and I'm hoping writing it out will help. And honestly, there have been some beautiful souls in the Tumblr community who have given me some beautiful encouragement (including but not limited to @basicallyahedgehog who answered an anon ask I sent them the other day with so much kindness and encouragement because I'd bawled my eyes out about one of their fics featuring ace Harry/Draco.).

(Anyway. If you want to read a ramble about all of the things I'm struggling with at the present moment, I'm gladly accepting advice and kindness at this time. Please read below the cut and chime in if you have anything hopeful to add.)

For most of my life I've pretty comfortably called myself a "picky bi" and in the past couple of years have labeled myself "demisexual" because I'm not sex repulsed; I've had sex, it was fine/good when it's with someone who I'm in love with. I moved on from the labeling, content with the label I'd given myself and whatnot.

It's been a minute (read: 8+ years) since I've been in a relationship that got to the point where I've considered having sex but I didn't really think all that much of it. In retrospect, I think this is largely because I've grown a lot in terms of self respect and honoring my own autonomy. Somewhere around 25, I started saying no when I didn't want something and if the other person didn't respect that decision they were not worth my time.

Anyway, it didn't really occur to me that perhaps going nearly a decade without thinking about/wanting to have sex with anyone (and without experiencing even vague aesthetic attraction to someone with only the odd exception here and there- some of you saw that post a couple of months ago, apparently just having the thought that someone is pretty isn't the same as attraction that allo people experience- so that panic now seems pretty unnecessary. It literally boggles my mind that people can just see a person they've never met and want to have sex with them. Anyway, I'm digressing.) Apparently, it's not a common occurrence even among demisexuals to go that long without thinking about sex if you have emotional intimacy with people (which I do). So fast forward to June when I went to a conference for lgbtqia christians and started listening to people talk about attraction.

To say that my experience of attraction and desire for sex is profoundly different than that of nearly all of the people that I talked to at that conference would be an understatement.

After that conference, I started talking to a lot of friends about their experience of attraction and their desire for sex (eventually this also included some new friends who are demi/ace) and have been a little flabbergasted by their responses. Suddenly, in light of the fact that my body doesn't interpret a lot of things the way that other peoples' seem to, a lot of things started to make sense.

I've been called a flirt (at best, and a [cock]tease in more unpleasant moments) my entire life because I always want to give people gentle physical affection; I love holding hands, touching people on the arm while we're having a conversation, playing with peoples' hair, hugging, leaning, the list is long- none of those things have ever felt like flirting to me. Every one of those actions was the end in itself, there was no artifice in my touches, no desire or even thought for more, but APPARENTLY that is not the thing that happens in a lot of peoples' bodies. It is incomprehensible to me that simple, affectionate touches are not something that everyone just wants to do to anyone that they harbor platonic affection for. This also applies to the way that I communicate with people. Again, I've been called a flirt, been told that I'm intense, been told that I'm trying to 'steal' peoples' boy/girl friends simply by being friends with them. APPARENTLY, showing "too much" interest in other peoples' lives and hobbies is flirting. APPARENTLY, getting really excited for people who are excited and doing cool things is flirting. Because (or so I have been told) the emotional energy I expend is too much to just be friends; surely, I have another angle.

Next, in terms of attraction, I experience attraction to beautiful things in nature in the same way that I experience it to people. If I'm being honest, nature makes my heart sing in a way that people usually don't. I can get caught up in the beauty of the world; the vastness of the ocean for literal hours, in the majesty of the mountains, the strength of trees, the way water carves a path through the rocks in glens and waterfalls. The world takes my breath away, it makes me weep just to exist in nature. Apparently, this in not everyone's experience of nature and apparently, many people who want to have sex don't think that trees, or bodies of water, or mountains have as much (or more, in my humble opinion) appeal than humans.

It's come to my attention that even the way that I have experienced heart break from relationships where I was "in love" and having sex is not the way that people typically experience heartbreak. All heart break feels the same to me; grieving leaving a job, grieving the death of a loved one, grieving horrible things that happen to my students, grieving the loss of friendships, and grieving the loss of a relationship feel like the same heart break. (Like some of those things hurt worse than others but the heart break over the loss of a relationship isn't worse.) One of my friends mentioned that I grieve the passing of summer into autumn (I fucking hate the winter) like the loss of a relationship and I wish I could say that she is wrong. I've been told my whole life that I experience my emotions too big and I just can't help but wonder if there is some sort of correlation there, but I digress.

The literal dream for my life is to have someone who wants to get in the car or on a plane and travel with me. Someone who I can make coffee for in the mornings and who wants to cook me dinner at night. Someone who wants to sit on the couch after a long day at work and talk about nothing, or watch a show, or just exist together. Someone who wants to dance with me in the kitchen, and hold my hand while we walk, who wants to smile at me while I ramble about nature. I want someone who wants to hold me when I cry, who wants to listen to me when I'm mad, someone who will remind me to take a break when I'm working too hard. The only thing that I actually want from a partner is just someone to do life with. It's not that I'm opposed to sex, it's just that it literally doesn't matter.

(So many things in past relationships, so many fights, so many of the reasons that I was left, so many things that I JUST DIDN'T UNDERSTAND make sense now. Or at least they're starting to.)

So. In the process of understanding this complete fuckery, of trying to put all of the pieces that haven't quite made sense in my life into order, in the end of July my best friend told me that she's in love with me.

And on the one hand, I'm fucking over the moon, delighted, honored, speechless, crazy-happy. She's literally the best person I have ever known, she's the kindest, sweetest, most loyal, loving, amazing human being to ever exist. She loves me so well, so completely, like all of the things that I said above that are my dream; that is her. We road trip together, and she lets me braid her hair, and we snuggle on the couch and watch movies, and we talk for hours (literally hours, when we road trip we go for 7-10 days at a time and I like do not shut the fuck up for more than like 5 minutes total the entire day and she loves me; loves listening to me talk about whatever is in my brain), and when I'm going on and on about how pretty things are in nature she looks at me like I'm the pretty thing (when I say, 'oh my gosh. that mountain, tree, lake, ocean, etc. is so beautiful.' she literally says 'you're so beautiful' and I am deceased, my heart can't take it, I can't fucking stop smiling- I don't even want to), and she lets me info dump about whatever I'm learning, and she loves my brain and my stupid adhd, and she plays me sappy love songs and sings them to me (and she sings in my car, sings to me even though she doesn't sing in front of people) and and and... she makes me feel like I'm good. She makes me feel like I'm all of the things that other people have said I'm not.

And I am constantly terrified of hurting her.

There are a variety of reasons we're not planning on having sex (partially because it's not really something that I want) that I'm not going to get into but I'm afraid of being what I've been to other people. I'm afraid of her feeling like I'm pushing her buttons because I just always want to be touching her (very platonically) like just having our shoulders bumping while we walk, or putting my head on her shoulder when we're on the couch, or letting our elbows press against one another while we're in the car. BUT what happens in our bodies when we're touching like that is really different. Like I described above, for me any type of touch is really the end goal in and of itself (if I'm braiding her hair, it's safe to assume that that is all I want to be doing. If I'm leaning against her on the couch, that too is what I'm wanting.) But that's not always how her body wants to interpret touch, even if she logically knows that I'm not intentionally teasing (she would never say that she feels like I'm trying to tease her, for the record, it's just the easiest way for me to articulate what it feels like could be happening).

And I love her so much, like so much; I'd do anything for her but it's not the same kind of love that she feels for me. By which I mean that she is just really gay and actively attracted to me emotionally/physically but for me if she started dating someone else, I'd be actually fine with that. If she was dating/having sex with someone I wouldn't be jealous, as long as we still get to be friends. (And maybe her dating would necessarily change the dynamic of our friendship and that would be really hard but that's a different mental exercise.) This isn't the way that she feels.

She is so special and important to me but even the way that we are aware of the other person's presence is different. For me, if I'm in a group of people and she's there, I'm aware of that on some level but it's not at the forefront of my mind. My brain is always sort of 'triaging' the people around me when they're my friends; who's being too quiet? who has been going through a rough patch with work/family, etc? who has an exciting new thing they need someone to squeal about with them? who hasn't been included in the conversation in too long? (see the paragraph above about flirting. haha.) She's there but she often isn't the first person I'm thinking about because I talk to her almost every day, I get to love her every day, and odds are good that we either drove together or will talk on the phone our way home from the event- I see the other people there less, so my brain just prioritizes them since I have less time to love them. (This is actually really good, healthy progress for me in terms of healthy attachment and not forming a codependent relationship. My therapist and I are really proud of the work I'm doing, but I'm digressing again.) For her, though, she always knows exactly where I am. It is work for her to pay attention to other conversations, work to be in a different room. In most situations, I am the person she defaults to thinking about and wanting to be near and she has to actively choose other things if she wants to. (And I don't mean to sound like an absolute asshole, it's not like I ignore her or anything, and I'm delighted for us to be in the same conversations, it's just a different way that we engage with the world.)

I love her so much. And I'm afraid of messing everything up. Of hurting her. Of asking too much of her without asking for anything at all. I try to let her be the one to initiate physical touch (or I ask first) because sometimes it's too hard on her body and that's fair. I feel frustrated with the different ways that we experience love for each other because the way that she loves me feels so good and safe to me and it makes me feel so happy. I'm afraid that the way that I love her doesn't feel as nice for her, that it feels less than, that the way I express my love and devotion isn't as good. I'm afraid that the way she loves me is going to wear her out. She always says she knows I love her just as much as she loves me, it's just different. She says she's okay, she says that the way I love her is good for her and she's happy. But it's hard to believe.

I'm afraid that she'll fall in love with someone else who can love her the way she loves and I won't matter to her anymore (partially because that's been my experience of people who have said they're in love with me). I'm afraid.

Is it even fair to entertain the idea of maybe having a whole life together? (we're already entertaining the ideas, already daydreaming about 'what if we lived together', where we're going on our next road trip, etc. And I'm terrified.) Is it asking her to give up too much? I would spend the rest of my life with her. I'd be good and kind to her, I would love her with so much tenderness. But is it enough? Am I enough with just the things that I have to give? Is it actually possible for someone to love me for just me and not for the ways that I could contort myself to be something I'm not?

I recognize the irony in what I'm asking. I know that that's what all of these hundreds of stories I've written here say, it's what I want to believe. But is it even possible when it's reality?

I don't know. Does anyone have any good advice? Any ace people out there living with a person who's in love with them? Does anyone have something that's lasted?

[violetmuses]

Could anyone please write something where Tyler meets Reader for the very first time. Thanks! 🌪 🥰

@cevansbaby-dove 💭📖

[outootome]

vomiting to me, I think, is an act of strong devotion and intimacy

What's more devotional than being willing to do something as stressful as vomiting? What's more intimate than being in such a vulnerable position??

Sure there are other ways to show that devotion, and other ways to be intimate, but nothing will ever beat loving someone so much you'd puke your guts out for them

I'm not sure if this makes any sense but I think about it frequently

Like, ppppleaseeeee make me vomit for you. I will be good just please.i need to show you how much I love you aaaaaaaaaah

[disaster-racing]

Breakout Room Highlights with Scott Dixon, Tony Kanaan, and Alexander Rossi (x)

[silawastaken]

i was wondering what Dazai and Chuuya would wear in your au? I'm talking about the (not so) perfect pair btw.

(This is totally not for fanart)

AAAAAA FANART????? (im autistic and sarcasm is not my strong suit for this stuff, and I'll feel real stupid if this isn't real but OH MY GOD I WILL LOVE YOU FOREVER)

And my GOD have I thought about this. It is currently 10:03PM and I have school tomorrow, lets see how long this takes me.

Right- Generally speaking, any chapter they're in school, they're wearing a uniform. Most of this stuff is based on what I know from the uk so 💀 yeah, it's a school uniform. That means, a collared short sleeve shirt, red tie(honestly it doesn't need to be red, I just randomly picked one), and black trousers.

Chuuya's wardrobe I feel would consist of patched denim shorts and jeans, jeans probably ripped at the knees. Dark colours mainly for other types of trousers, think black and greyish.

T-shirts, second hand band tees that are probably a little worn mostly, his parents do well but he isn't rich + he's a middle child, he probably doesn't own a lot of first hand clothing. I'd say oversized flannel or tartan shirts, either worn loosely over shirts or tied around his waist(Think very grungy. It's getting into summer, so tied around his waist is more likely)

The big thing is that most of the time so far, unless he's at school he's been wearing the hoodie Dazai gave him(black + red stitching, detailed better in the actual fic😔), so it'd make sense for him to be wearing it, unless at school, or post his parents finding out.

Generally, he's rather grunge but put together, he looks nice, and generally presentable.

DAZAI HOWEVER, LIVES OFF HIS BEDROOM FLOOR.

While Dazai has clothes, he doesn't actually wear much of them. With Dazai, I think black or tan trousers when he's not in uniform, the same two pairs. The black ones more commonly, so probably more worn.

If Chuuya would wear the t-shirt, Dazai would too. Generally, I think most of the t-shirts Dazai would wear would be stolen from Chuuya, so yeah! If Chuuya'd wear it, Dazai would.

Same with hoodies, but obvs Dazai is slightly different. Generally with dressing Dazai/his clothes, this au Dazai is still in his emoish phase, so stick to black and earth tones- blue, green, brown.

A few extra details!!! I've never said it explicitly, but Dazai isn't wearing bandages over his face, just his neck and arms. Chuuya's ears are also pierced, Kouyou got him earrings for his birthday. How many piercings that is? Idc go wild bro's sixteen and his parents are rather chill, he probably has a few. I don't know if this is the level of detail you were looking for, but for Chuuya, with shoes I'd say boots or like converse. For Dazai- it's actually specified that he wears a pair of like BATTERED high top black converse so :D

I feel it's fair to mention that Dazai and Chuuya are still rather rough and tumble teens, they're both depressed as shit rn and not going out to cause chaos like they normally would- but they still dress like they're prepared too. So a little unkempt and scruffy is a fairly accurate department of how they likely look half the time.

It is 11:08 and has been an hour, so I should probably stop agonising over this but this was a LOT of detail sorry if it still wasn't enough, or wasn't what you were looking for :(( BUT HAVE FUN WITH THIS INFO.

[gouinisme]

they've mentioned racism against algerians so now i physically need an algerian vampire. please pretty please do it for me please

[lesbianlotties]

The gruеsome beauty of your face in everyone I meet - LottieNat, LottieLee (Yellowjackets)

Words: 2,927 Fandom: Yellowjackets (TV) Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Lottie Matthews/Natalie Scatorccio, Laura Lee/Lottie Matthews Characters: Lottie Matthews, Natalie Scatorccio, Laura Lee (Yellowjackets) Additional Tags: Canon Compliant, Canonical Character Death, Extended Scene, Teen Timeline (Yellowjackets), Ghost Laura Lee (Yellowjackets), bath scene, Lottie Matthews Needs a Hug, Unrequited Love, Grief/Mourning, Angst, Loss, Ghosts, Sad with a Happy Ending, according to me

Summary:

"You have to move on, Lottie. It’s been months. She’s not real, she’s… We need you back, Lottie. Come on, look around… Look at me, Lottie. I’m real. I’m here for you. Do you see me? I’m real, Lottie…”

--

or,

The Bath Scene™ and what happened after, when Lottie and Natalie don't let go of each other, and end up saying much more than they had planned to.

[before-it-felt-like-a-sin]

I want to write more Nat shit but my writers block is so baddddd ugh.

Please send me Nat (or Shauna/Lottie) prompts/thoughts/requests.

[cosmic-d1ce]

Another one :3