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madpanda75 · 5 years

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“The Romantics” Part Three

We fast forward to the present and catch up on what Rafael and the reader were up to after graduation. Will Rafael and reader reunite? Who knows...ok actually I do cause I wrote the darn thing. 😂 Thanks to everyone who is liking and reading this fic. It means a lot ❤️

Present Day

You gazed out of your office window, watching the sun rise above the Manhattan skyline. The dark purples and blues of the night transforming into brilliant hues of orange and yellow. You sighed and sat down at your desk which was currently covered in manuscripts. Each one represented someone who put their heart and soul into a story, leaving their destiny in your hands.

Life certainly didn’t turn out the way you expected. You went to Cambridge to focus on your writing but instead discovered you rather enjoyed reading the works of others. You left the program and started working at a publishing firm in London. It wasn’t long before you ran the place, attracting attention from the firm’s sister office in New York. They were quick to offer you a lucrative position as Senior Editor and although you adored your job, it was time for a change of pace. It was time to go back home.

You were glued to your desk the whole day, reading a few pages of a manuscript before tossing it into one of two piles: yes or no. Unfortunately, the majority of the pieces you were reading ended up in the “no” pile.

You closed your eyes and massaged your temples, needing a break from reading yet another memoir about a wannabe Jack Kerouac who “found himself” while traveling across the country. You once traveled cross country to the Grand Canyon all you got was food poisoning and sleepless nights in fleabag motels.

Letting out a deep calming breath, you went back to work, grabbing a package wrapped in brown kraft paper. It was too heavy and hard for a manuscript, as if it was already bound. But who were you to question the eccentric world of writers.

You ripped open the paper, knitting your eyebrows in confusion when you saw an old Harvard Yearbook from 1993. As if someone sending you a yearbook wasn’t odd enough, it was flagged with various post-its. You opened the book to one of the pages that was marked. There was your face staring up at you in a grainy black and white photo. You were younger but it was undeniably you, smiling with a group of other tutors from the Harvard Writing Center. That’s when it hit you. Realization slowly spread across your face as you reached for your cell.

“Hello,” Rebecca answered, stepping outside of the banquet hall decked out in crimson.

“No, no, no, no, no. Oh and did I mention, no!” You replied. “I’m not going to the reunion.”

“Please, Y/N. You have to come. You’ve officially run out of excuses not to go. I’ve heard them all. I’m out of the country. I’m at a yoga retreat. I’m getting divorced.”

You winced at that last part and looked down at your hand, the tan line on your ring finger still visible. You had gotten married for all the wrong reasons. At the time you were lonely and marriage seemed like the responsible thing to do. The next step into adulthood. “Becks, I don’t know if I can get away from work right now.”

“Yes, you can. You run the place and it’s only a weekend. I’m sure they can spare you for two days. And who knows, maybe someone else will be there. Someone who happens to be named…..Rafael.” There was a lilt in Rebecca’s voice when she mentioned your former best friend’s name.

You flipped through the yearbook, stopping at a picture of you and Rafael. You were sitting under a tree on the quad, your head resting on his shoulder while he read. You loved his voice. It was soothing and smooth, like swallowing a spoonful of honey. Listening to him read always brought you comfort. You lovingly touched the photo. If you closed your eyes, you could still see his brilliant green eyes that made you weak in the knees, feel the soft silkiness of his thick dark hair under your fingers.

The first few months at Cambridge were hard. You missed your family and friends, especially Rafael. The two of you had kept in touch, exchanging letters and the occasional long distance phone call. But as time went by, the letters and phone calls became more infrequent. You discovered the reason why during Christmas that year. You had dropped by New York to surprise Rafael only to learn from Eddie that he was with Yelina. You swore Eddie to secrecy, making him promise that he would never tell Rafael that you were there. When you got back to Cambridge you stopped responding to his letters and eventually Rafael stopped writing. It was obvious that he had moved on and you needed to as well.

“He’s in New York, you know. I’m surprised you haven’t looked him up,” Rebecca said, interrupting your reverie.

You slammed the yearbook shut. “I know he’s in New York. But I’ve been busy and besides he’s probably a sleazy lawyer with a receding hairline and a big gut who’s married to Yelina and has three gorgeous but spoiled rotten children. And while she’s off getting the latest plastic surgery or high off her kid’s Ritalin, he’s probably getting a happy ending at an illegal massage parlor. Where eventually he’ll be discovered, get arrested, and then it’ll be all over the tabloids. I can picture the headline now: “Where’s the Rub? Crooked Lawyer Caught at Massage Parlor.”

“Wow!” Rebecca said after a long pause. “That doesn’t sound bitter at all. And anyways you’re wrong. He’s not with Yelina.”

“How do you know?”

“Do me a favor and google “Alex Muñoz.” Also you are going. If I have to hunt you down and drag you to Boston. You’re going. No excuses.”

You whined and rested your head on the table. “Fine,” you mumbled. “I’ll see you there.” After you got off the phone with your old roommate, you immediately went to your laptop and looked up, Alex Muñoz. During your search, an article popped up about the mayoral candidate who was caught up in a sexting scandal. The events took place several months earlier and by the time you moved here it was old news, the press already in hot pursuit of the next big story.

“Why am I not surprised,” you said out loud, clicking through several photos. What you were surprised to find was that Alex had married Yelina. A picture popped up showing the tall, gorgeous woman, playing the role of the dutiful wife and standing by her man. In the far corner of the photo, you noticed a handsome man in a sharp tailored suit, standing with a group of people. It was Rafael.

Your heart skipped a beat. It was amazing how he could still have that effect on you. Your theory about your college friend was squashed the minute you googled “Rafael Barba.” You fell down a rabbit hole, learning about the ADA and his work with Special Victims Unit, clicking through pictures and interviews. The man had aged like a fine wine. You felt your face flush, watching a clip of him at a press conference, his powerful voice demanding justice for the victim.

It was worse than you had imagined. Rafael Barba was a good guy. He was Superman, fighting the scum of the Earth, and to top it all off, he looked sexy doing it. You closed your laptop and stood up from your desk, in desperate need of fresh air and more coffee.

As you walked outside, you tried to quiet your brain and stop thinking about Rafael, but it was too late. In reality, he never really went away. Rafael was your first love, he had always lived in your heart. Even on your wedding day, the man you wanted to be waiting for you at the end of the aisle was Rafael. In some ways, no man could ever compare to him. Now faced with the possibility of seeing him again, you weren’t sure what to do. All you could do was hope he wouldn’t show.

*****

Rafael couldn’t believe he was back in Boston. In fact he never would have gone to this reunion at all if it wasn’t for your old roommate, Rebecca. She had called his office one day, practically begging him to attend. When she mentioned that you would be there, he caved and said yes.

Rafael was desolate after you left for Cambridge. He threw himself into school, but Harvard just wasn’t the same without you. He wasn’t the same without you. It felt like a piece of him was missing.

At his lowest point, he went back to New York for a weekend visit to take his mind off of you. Rafael sat in an empty bar, getting drunk on cheap scotch, reading your letter again. The condensation dripping off his glass and falling onto the sheet of paper in his hand causing your words to bleed together until they were just incoherent ink smudges.

Rafael was so caught up in drowning his own sorrows that he failed to notice Yelina come in. The woman immediately set her eyes on him, sauntering over like a cougar about to pounce on its prey. “Guapo, is this seat taken?” She purred, running her hand up his arm.

Rafael took Yelina home that night in the hopes that her soft supple body would help soothe his broken heart. They became a couple not long after that. As the relationship continued, Rafael found he had less time to write. Either he was too wrapped up in Yelina or he didn’t want to upset her by mentioning your name. The few times she had caught him writing to you had led to some heated fights.

When he stopped receiving your letters, Rafael was devastated. He didn’t understand why. Sure he may not have called or written as often as he used to but that was no reason to stop communicating all together.

Yelina scoffed while Rafael moped around his apartment. “I don’t know why you’re so upset. She probably met someone, spread her legs, and moved on.” She rolled her eyes and began to file her nails. “Good riddance, I say. That little crush she had on you was so annoying. I honestly don’t know what you saw on her.”

“She’s not like that. You don’t even know her!” He snapped back.

“I saw the way she looked at you at your graduation. If you’re so upset then go after. I don’t care, you’re not even worth it.” She grabbed her purse and left, slamming the door behind her.

Rafael jumped at the abrupt sound, letting his head fall back against the couch. He pinched the bridge of his nose, not even bothering to go after her. The relationship didn’t last much longer. By the time summer arrived, Yelina had left him for Alex. He had caught the pair in bed together one day.

Rafael was upset but not surprised. There was a time he thought he loved Yelina, but after meeting you he realized that wasn’t love. Yelina was selfish and vain, never giving of herself. She wasn’t capable of love. She wasn’t you.

He had thought of going to England to find you but Yelina’s words haunted him. What if you had moved on? Instead Rafael chose to give up on love and focus on his career but it was becoming a losing battle. Not a day went by that Rafael didn’t think of you so when the opportunity arose to see you again, he couldn’t say no.

Now Rafael sat alone at a table, nursing a scotch while his classmates were socializing around the big banquet hall. His eyes scanned the room, hoping to spot you among the crowd, but you were nowhere to be found. He was just about to give up and head back to his hotel when you suddenly appeared in his line of vision.

You were across the room, walking towards the bar. Rafael couldn’t help but stare. For years he had imagined what it would be like to see you again. In his naivety, he had pictured you to be the young girl he had known in college and not the beautiful woman you had become. You were dressed in an off-the-shoulder blush colored cocktail dress that hit right below your knees. Your hair had been swept up in a chic chignon, several loose tendrils framing your face. Your makeup was minimal, just enough to enhance your natural beauty. It was still you, but a more sophisticated version.

Rafael got up and slowly made his way over to where you were standing, his pulse quickening with every step he took until he stood directly behind you. Your back was to him and for a split second his eyes raked over your body, drinking in your curves while you ordered your drink. “Glenlivet on the rocks, please.”

Letting out a nervous breath, he finally said your name. “Y/N?”

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anastasiaskarsgard · 5 years

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Link to my masterlist for earlier chapters or other stuff I've written

His Queen

Part 3

Bri ripped open the letter, amazed it was handwritten and in cursive! Knowing Roman, he had an assistant write it, but she felt a warmth in her chest knowing he’d truly loved her all along.

To My Queen, Briana Godfrey,

(Admit it! That sounds way better than Tucker, have the lawyers change it.)

Oh, and before I get into it, I wrote this myself. No assistants, so fuck you for thinking it.

Bri smiled a sad smile at how they still knew how the other thought.

I have to start off by saying thank you for reading this letter. That means you're at the white tower. I don't deserve you. I've turned into everything I never wanted to become. Everything you made me believe I could escape. You are the light to my darkness and I'm so sorry I disappointed you. I don’t have a lot of time, but I needed a plan in case I fail. You’re the only person I trust with my company, my money, my daughter, my legacy, my heart, all of it. I am an absolute crack head level blood addict, and I couldn’t trust myself when we got overly emotional to keep my head. Because I love you so much, you can make me so upset, and That last fight we got into, I scared myself. I don’t blame you for slapping me, but to hold back from returning the blow, I literally broke my own hand... but this is not what this letter is about.

Peter and my sick half-sister Annie have stolen my daughter. Peter is hell-bent on destroying me because he killed Destiny's trash fiance, and lied about it, so she blamed me and attacked me and I hurt her bad enough to foresee issues with peter, so I broke her neck to avoid problems figuring it was showing her some mercy since she was heartbroken. Annie was there and when I refused to carry on an incestuous relationship with her, she turned on me and told Peter about Destiny. So he came after me and fucking shot me, we fought and I won, but didn't cut his head off so I knew he’d be fine. Well, he calls me and has my kid and won't turn her over, and says he's going to kill me so even though I doubt it, Nadia needs someone to raise her, and if I'm killed it's not my whore of a sister Annie. I need you to find Nadia and take her home and raise her as she deserves. She’s such a sweet baby and she adores you.

Find Shelley and she can help you maybe. She’s in love with this weird old poet and chooses to live at the old steel mill. Calls it Rooster Poop. Can’t make this shit up.

The entire security team is trying to find Nadia, so contact them and see where they’re at with it.

you are the love of my life and I refused to ever say so, even though we both knew it was true. I would bullshit and say it’s cuz I was saving you from myself, but I’m not that fucking noble. You scared me more than anything ever scared me in my life. God, it's great to admit I love you. Like I need to make up a new word for how I feel for you cuz love isn’t strong enough.

there’s a pretty poem I saw that reminded me of you;

I’d still choose you.

In a hundred lifetimes,

in a hundred worlds,

in any version of reality,

I’d find you and I’d choose you.

Even though I knew you were going to break my heart again and again.

I’d still choose you.

It’s crazy how happy I am writing you a letter, even with every aspect of my life in shambles, you’re my light.

You get everything. Fuck all of them. You were right about everything. If I survive this shit, I am winning you back if it takes 100 years and I have to spend every cent. This is literally a reset.

I tried to forget your baby girl but I never could. No amount of drugs, money, blood, or bullshit could ever distract me from the constant ache in my heart for only you. You’re the only pussy I ever wanna see again. I ran thru a fantastic amount of pussy after you left and none of them made me forget you for even a moment. I pictured you or I could not get off. It was pathetic. I hope I get to see you again and rip up this fucking letter.

I looked back over this and there’s a reason I have other people write shit up for me. A few requests to seriously consider:

-->Blitzky should take over for Pryce. Not only is he a genius, he's a good guy. He's a bit soft, so you may have to be the bad guy.

-->Get a new nanny. The current one looks good on paper but she's an idiot.

--> Live in the white tower. It's secure and safe and you can make as many floors as you like home.

--> if an animal killed me, it's Peter and he's still a wolf. He’ll be white. Kill him, cut off his head and burn him up in the incinerator.

--> if Annie comes around at all, kill her. She's very manupulative and acts religious and nice. She's crazy and not to be trusted.

-->try and convince Shelley to live in the mansion and have her little homeless community there. She doesn't care about money but she cares about people, so offer it as a safe haven. Make sure it stays stocked in necessities like toilet paper, soap, cleaning materials, etc and write it all off as a charity contribution. Make the whole endeavor a big tax write off, but don't tell Shelley that part. Just tell her it was my dying wish she had a home.

--> the loser she's with has legal problems. Have the legal department solve them so he's got no reason to desert her.

-->if Peters mom comes sniffing around, don't tell her a damn thing. I doubt she will tho, she's a wanted fugitive.

--> don't trust any gypsies.

--> Nadia is very intelligent. She can read minds, influence dreams, and kill anyone or anything just by looking at them. She's dangerous and shouldn't be allowed around animals or people until she can understand the concept of death and consequences. There's no way to control her, I have found.

--> I promised a homeless man I ate that id pay for his sons school. Anonymously pay for Mathew Shandwicks classes, books and dorm at Penn State for all 4 years. His father traded his life without a single complaint so it's imperative you keep my word.

-->make sure Nadia isn't a spoiled brat like me. Teach her about her mother and her father and all the good things about us. Leave out we were related if you can swing it. Just say we were young and loved each other very much. I enclosed a pack of photos of me and Letha for her.

I wonder what you’re wearing... That reminds me; if I’m really dead, you have to be in mourning at least two years. That means all black suits and dresses that cover you up, black nails, big black hats like you just left a Catalina Yacht Mixer or you’re going to a royal wedding. I even got you black lab coats just in case.Don’t half ass this. It’s important.

Also I want “Fuck you” by the Archives played at my funeral, if it comes to that.

Hopefully, you never see this letter because I got everything fixed here, and went and found you and you ran into my arms and we lived happily ever after, and I have a whole lifetime with you... But just in case...

All my love,

Roman Godfrey

P.s. - since you're a genius, hopefully you can fix me or bring me back. I hope you still love me even 10% as much as I love you, because then nothing can stop us.

Brianna stared at the page as her tears fell on it swirling the ink in designs and spirals. She knew he’d always loved her, but it was bittersweet seeing him finally admit it. She took the photos out of the envelope and looked through them.

Looking through the pictures was heart-wrenching. There had to be a way to fix all this! She tried to remember everything she’d learned about Upirs from that dreadful Russian women and Pryce. Luckily they’d been a bit of an obsession for her that she delved into when Roman pulled his shit. Being obsessed with Upirs had distracted her from obsessing over the real issue.

Just as she started to wonder when Mueller and Edwards would be back, as if by magic, the elevator doors opened. They had brought Dr. Blitzkey with them as well.

“Oh my gosh! You’re alive! I’m so happy to see you’re ok and still here!” Bri said as she ran up and embraced Blitzky. “Where is Roman? I need to see him.”

Blitzky looked at the ground nervously before meeting your eyes. “It’s not fixable.”

“No matter. I just NEED to see him. Please?” She begged.

“Okay. He has several severe traumatic injuries so please prepare yourself for that.”

“What happened to him?”

“Some Type of animal attacked him in the old mansion and pushed him out the upper story window, fracturing his spine and neck which most likely left him paralyzed and vulnerable. His throat and heart were then ripped out.”

“Peter.” Bri said darkly. He was going to pay for his betrayal. She would make sure of that.

“I mean that’s the most logical conclusion but after all Roman did for that little degenerate, ” Blitzky muttered.

Bri nodded solemnly.

“Hate to interrupt your happy little party but we have several forms that need immediate attention, to get this shit show back on the road,” Edwards interjected.

“They’ll have to wait till after I see Roman. You lead the way Blitzkey, you two stay here.” She said firmly stepping into the elevator with the doctor. Both lawyers looked furious but did as they were told since they were honestly intimidated by this young woman that had all this piled on her, and seemed unfazed.

As soon as the doors closed she sank to her knees and screamed. The tears came flooding out of her eyes as her body was wracked by sobs. It’s like she’d been hit by a truck. The realization that Roman was really gone finally sinking in.

Blitzky didn’t know what he should do. He was a genius, but completely clueless when it came to social and interpersonal skills. He hesitantly patted Bri on the head like a golden retriever, unsure how long was comforting so he just kept doing it. “You’re strong.”

Bri glanced up at Blitzky through her foggy tears and couldn't help but agree. She WAS strong.

The elevator opened to their floor as she looked down at the floor.

“Well” Blitzkey peeped, unsure of what to do, “this is it.”

“We have to fix him Blitzkey. There’s got to be a way.” she said rising to her feet, as if the little display he just witnessed never happened.

“You’re the boss.” Blitzky said as cheerful as he could muster.

“I’m giving you Pryce’s position. I trust you.”

“Thank you! I wasn't sure if maybe you'd want to take charge.... What will you do? Take over for Roman?”

“Until I can bring him back, I guess I’ll have to. I will bring him back Blitzkey.... If I have to make a deal with the Devil himself.” Bri stated adamantly before setting off down the hall like a woman possessed.

#my writing

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angelynrostrand · 5 years

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Chapter 18

Summary: To the outside world, nothing should connect shy girl Angel Monroe and popular boy Xavier Hazelwood. But that isn't entirely true. They both hold secrets. Behind both of them lie 2 separate wolf packs. Xavier is well on his way to Alpha status and running the pack. Angel is not a wolf but instead the last healer in the world. When the realization comes forward that they are connected by destiny, will they decide to fulfill it? Is their connection predetermined by fate or will they choose their hearts? Lives and packs cross and mingle while romance and conflict brews. The story of 2 opposite souls on a collision path. Will destiny win out? Even the most innocent face, has the darkest secrets.

Word Count:2,875

http://photonshouse.com/practical-magic-house-photos.html#14

How am I going to do this? I usually heal people. Reviving plants can only happen if they die naturally, not by magical lightning. It is easy to turn plants back to healthy green with a wave of my hand above it. This won’t be easy.

“Trevor…? How am I going to do that?” I ask. All three of us stand together in a circle with Xavier and I waiting for his answer.

“I am not sure, but that’s why I brought these.” He gestures to the dead flowers.

“Wow, thank you?” I hint at him for more information.

“These can be practice runs...” He notices my worried face and stops his speech. “Angel you can do this. You are the only one who can do this. Xavier and I are here for you. We will support you as long as you do your best.” I am so blessed to have great people around me. To have people in my corner at all times. I appreciate them to be by my side and never leaving me. I don’t deserve these kind-hearted people.

“Ok. I can do it,” I say, more to convince myself rather than to please them. I smile to make them feel confident in me.

For the next couple of hours, all three of us bury our heads in books. Some books are from Trevor about herbal medicine and pieces of information about different types of trees. I brought over my own books. Any information about earth elements and information on healing objects rather people. We stay in the laboratory to review our options. The boys eat their lunch but I can’t eat. Once I get into a project, I tend to be dedicated until I finish it. I’m so stubborn but I get that from being the sibling of an Alpha and the child of the former one.

“I don’t get.” Xavier starts, as we look up to see what he has to say. “Why can’t you just wave your hands together and create a new tree to replace it?”

“It’s not that simple. When I burned it, it put magic in the tree so it must be fixed with magic. But the thing is, we are balancing magic and the natural order. The universe must balance itself out. If I create a new tree than it would be like bringing someone new to the world. Only a tribe of healers can bring a new living creature to life. I can only revive or fix something that was already brought to the world naturally.”

“So you would be breaking rules if you create a new life force. And the only way to fix it is to heal it but you can’t cause you never had to heal a tree that was destroyed by magic in the first place,” Xavier says as he uses the book for references.

“Yes.” I am impressed he is able to keep up with my crazy life. Why doesn’t he see this madness and run away already? “Exactly.”

“So how do we fix it?”

“Well, thank goodness I am the one who caused because if it was someone else,” like there is anyone else, “I wouldn’t be able to reverse the spell. You can only reverse your own spells and works. But I did it once…” This catches their attention, so I recall my first episode.

“I remember I did when I was young. I set a tree on fire when I fell. My father cut it out. It was small enough unlike our 100 ft tree we are dealing with. I couldn’t control my power back then. I guess I can’t control them now.”

“Hey, don’t do that,” Xavier says as I downgrade my ability, “you can do this.” I smile at his affirmation. I wish I had the same confidence that Xavier does. He believes in me, but I don’t believe in myself some times. It’s hard when I keep on failing and dragging people into my messes.

“Angel, why don’t you just try to revive these plants? To see what we are looking at and what we are dealing with.”

I nod and move the book out of my way. I place each of the plants in a line in front of me. “I would suggest you guys step back,” I warn them, as both of them step behind me. I look at the book for reassurance I am going to do this right. I scan the book for the proper words. A quick wave of my hands turn the brown plants back to their normal color. That was easy. Too easy.

“You did it!” Xavier claps his hands together. He sounds impressed and not frightened at all. That’s a good sign he won’t leave me from fear.

“No, I didn’t. That was too easy.” My eyebrows crunch down to recall what happened. “Trevor, those weren’t destroyed by magic were they?”

“No, but thank you for fixing those. I forgot the water them a couple of days ago,” he says as he puts them back to their proper home. “Thank you.”

My jaw opens as I realize he used me. Rude. “Trevor...really?” Before he takes the last plant off the table, I snap my fingers and the plant catches on fire causing the two men to jump back. I might have done it out of frustration.

“Angel! Put it out! Angel!” Trevor yells at me. He becomes angrier as Xavier laughs at my actions and looks slightly proud of me.

I spread my fingers out and my palm faces the fire. The fire retreats back to my hand and after the last of it, I snap my finger to seal the fire back in me. “There, it’s gone.” I smile sweetly and laugh at my mischievous actions.

“Oh my god, this is so much better than my house,” Xavier laughs and holds his stomach.

“What?” I ask Trevor. “Look, the plant has been blessed with my magic and now we can heal it as a practice sample. Rather than a big scary tree, we can focus on a small plant. Sorry for the fire,” I say slightly ashamed and quietly continue my sentence. “Please don’t use me like that. I don’t like to be used like that. If you need help please ask. I more than willing to help.” He looks at me with sorry puppy eyes.

“I’m sorry. I will never do that ever again. Can you forgive me?” Trevor asks.

I give him a bright smile to forgive and forget his mistake. “Of course.” I don’t want him to ever feel bad, but it is a lesson he needs to learn. I don’t want to belittle him. I just have one request and it is to be used for others. “Hey, it’s ok. I’m not mad just want to let you know.” My smile gets him to smile. We moved past apologies and continue with our research. I have tried different spells and chants but nothing seems to be working. We approach the subject from different angles, but we are still on the same problem.

Another hour goes by and I am getting exhausted from using my magic. Nothing seems to be working. The boys seem to also notice my depressed state.

“It’s ok. We got this.” Trevor says.

“Why don’t we take a break or try tomorrow?” Xavier says and puts a hand on my shoulder to relax me.

“No, we don’t have time. We need to do it now. We have been putting it off for weeks.” Trevor fights back.

“I don’t care. She is tried and we are exhausting her. She needs a break.” Xavier stands up to face Trevor. Xavier is ready to fight and I see his anger controlling him for a moment.

“I understand, but people will start talking. How are you going to explain the single dead tree with perfectly healthy ones surrounding it? It looks strange and unusual. We are trying to keep this community a secret and as normal as possible.” He faces Xavier with determining eyes.

“Guys, please stop it,” I beg as I run my hands through my hair.

“Sorry.” They say together and stay quite. We are all a little tired and frustrated.

“What if we are thinking about this all wrong?” Xavier comments and I look up at him from my seat. “What if we treat it like a normal plant. For a plant to live it needs water, fertilizer, and the sun. Instead of reviving the branches or the leaves, you need to focus on the root of the tree.”

“Not bad. It could work. Angel if you use healing water and cast a spell on the fertilizer but still use natural sunlight, it has the balance of magic and non-magic. He could be right,” Trevor says, but inside he is calculating the possibility in his head.

“Let’s do it. See what happens when you guys don’t fight.” I am willing to give it a try. Anything. I will try anything at this point. I just hope this works cause if it doesn’t I might be ready to call it. Xavier’s theory has an interesting concept that could work. We should have been thinking about it like a normal plant instead of a magical plant.

Trevor grabs a bag of fertilizer from outside and put into a new pot. Xavier gave me a glass of water. Now it’s all up to me to do the rest. I stare at the materials and hope this works. My chest rises up and down. I control my nerves. I take a deep breath in and out to relax. One more to ground me to the earth and focus.

“Whenever you are ready,” Trevor says.

Each chant and verse I speak it has a Spanish lullaby to it. I put one hand surrounding the glass of water and one hand on the pot of fertilizer. Transforming water into healing water is natural for me. I have done it before. It is a collection of spells I have learned from mom’s books. I am just hoping it works for the fertilizer. The yellow bright glow increases from my hands as I get closer to finishing the chant. When it is done, I put the plant in the pot then pour the water. I continue to chant. My heart is beating faster as if I am running a mile. I let my eyes close to concentrate. It’s a factor to focus on rather than focusing on the men in the room. And Xavier’s beautiful face is a distraction. Don’t focus on him. I do worry about his reaction. When I finish, a gust of wind blows my hair up letting me know I am done. I keep my eyes closed, too scared to face my failed attempt. I use the white glass counter to support my body. I am ready to sleep for hours.

“What happened?” I ask them. Before I could open my eyes, Xavier lifts me from behind and spins me. I screech in surprise and lift my knees to my chest as my feet are off the floor. Trevor laughs and takes a deep breath.

“You did it. You did it!” He puts me down and turns me around to see my work. I look at the table and see a daylily. It went back to its original form. The colors are more vibrant. You could see the orange and yellow flower from far away. The flower has outgrown the pot. It spread throughout the countertop. It reminds me of wildflowers. They are uncontrollable but beautiful.

“I think I overdid it,” I say and bite down on my smile. I did it. I did it and I can do it again. “Let’s do it again.” I rush on adrenaline. “I can do it. Come on.” I grab both Xavier and Trevor by the hand. The two men hold me back.

“Oh-oh-oh wait. Angel, are you sure your up for it? Xavier is right, we can wait for tomorrow.” Trevor says as he let go of my hand. But still maintaining a concerned face that he gives to each of his patients when they are sick.

But I am not sick. Yes, I am tired, but if we wait again we might have more hikers questioning their environment. Since when are they on the same side. I never thought I would hear them agree together as a unit. Both of them arguing against me for a while. But my charming smile gets them to quiet and I am victorious.

“Fine.” Trevor gives in. “Xavier run through the woods and make sure the area is clear. No hikers, humans, or wolves. They can’t see what we are about to do.” Xavier nods and accepts his orders. “We will meet you there with the materials in a couple of minutes.”

“Alright be safe. Especially you.” He points at me. He walks out of the room and transforms into his wolf form. He strips first and without warning, I stumble back and close my eyes. I turn around to give him privacy. My cheeks turn red. I know he does that on purpose now knowing I will have a reaction. A reaction to embrace myself and for him to laugh at me later. He leaves his clothes behind for us to bring back to him when we meet again.

We pack up the materials and I properly fold Xavier’s clothes. It was a small drive and Xavier is already there waiting for us. I smile and bend down at eye level to Xavier. I gently pet the top of his head. He must love it if he leans into it. “Here are your clothes.” I put his clothes behind a tree. I walk away and to still give him his privacy. Without looking, I can hear the cracking and his groan. It is not a painful groan, but it’s more of a stretching your body. The groan I make when I have to get up from the bed. He soon joins us, fully clothed. Xavier helps Trevor unload. I try to help but they won’t let me. They keep saying I need to save my energy. I look up at the dead creature. It looks like a ponderosa pine tree. We must save it. People always hurt and chop them down for woodwork. I put my hand on to feel it’s dead spirit. I am so sorry buddy. I didn’t mean to hurt you. But I am here to help. Everything will be ok. I try to comfort the tree. It might sound crazy talking to a tree, but I just want to make sure it knows we will take care of it.

“Angel are you ready?” Xavier asks me. I smile in response.

We first spread out the fertilizer around the tree. I kneel down and set my book next to me. Then a healing spell on it. Next up is a couple of gallons of water beside me. I try to relax but these are larger portions compare to the small daylily. It is really draining me. I try not to whimper from exhaustion. By the time I am done with the first step, I let out a loud sigh. The next step is to heal the whole tree. I lay one hand on the ground to feel the root and the other on the trunk. I am almost there. I can feel the heat through my hands. The yellowish glow has its own temperature. Once again the wind blows at me telling me I am done. I open my eyes to see nothing. It didn’t work? Before I can start questioning again, I feel a vibration underneath me. I crawl backward, only to run into Xavier. He helps me back away and to stand up. His protective mode kicks in when he sees my stress and worry level rising. We step away a couple of feet. It doesn’t feel like an earthquake.

The vibration continues and we see a blanket of a new bark cover the tree. Then it spirals around each branch. A cleaner and healthier tree covers the old one. The green leaves and pine appear beautifully. Thank goodness it worked. I smile inside and out. I hug both men to thank them for their help.

“Thank you, guys. Can we go home?” I ask and they laugh which I hope means a yes. After cleaning up, we walk to Trevor’s car. They were already a couple of steps ahead of me. I wanted to say my final goodbye to the pine tree. When I start walking to the car, my feet feel like they are dragging. The guys are so far away. Which is confusing, because I was sure we parked close to the tree. “Guys wait up. Wait for me.” I mumble. Oh no. Now my body is starting to sway back and forth. My headache increasing.

“Angel?”

“Hey, Angel are you ok?” Someone says, but all I hear is a buzzing noise.

I think I overdid it. I stumble and trip over my feet. I fall down to the grass and rocks beneath me. Goodnight.

#in an ordinary world #healer #soulmates #writing #werewolf #wolf pack

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aboysbestfriendishismum · 6 years

Text

Chapter 51 - Elvis, the beard and Schroedinger’s kisses (Part Two)

In the previous chapter: Eddie wouldn't want to leave San Diego and his house, but he must go and follow his band for the tour. He calls Meg to see if she's got news from Angie and when he finds out that the girl has called her friend, but not him, he takes it kind of bad but doesn't think anything else of it. Matt and Meg have a clarifying conversation where he apologises for his behaviour and reveals he's got a new girlfriend. Meg's not exactly happy about the news. Angie's finally back in Seattle, learns that Eddie has called but doesn't call him back and tries not to think about what happened and about the kiss, which she doesn't mention to Meg. Once she's back to work at Roxy's, Angie gets an unexpected visit by Kurt and Dave, who asks her out again.

“Anyway your hair is great. Is it something permanent or...?” Dave is at the counter, saying goodbye before leaving, his lovely friend a few steps behind.

“It's just a coloring shampoo with highlights, it'll go away by washing it...”

“Well they look amazing on you!”

“Suuuure and they have this very... psychobilly vibe in this context.” Kurt shares his mind, points his index finger up and turns it around, as to point at the diner's style “No need to say, the psycho part suits you the most”

“Ha-ha”

“Ok, back to the important stuff: what's your decision?” Dave inquires and it's like he was jumping in place, but keeping his feet well grounded on the floor.

“How can I say no to you?”

“Well, like you did when you dumped him, for example?” Cobain answers my rethorical question and acts confused when both his friend and I give him an annoyed look “What? I said it was an example!”

“You're coming then! Great!” Dave shrugs Kurt's comment off in a second and flashes me another big smile of his. One that makes me think that maybe it would all be much easier if I hadn't dumped him. Or maybe not?

“Yes, but I don't wanna stay out late, ok?”

“Don't worry, you just have to stay for the concert... and a little after the concert, can you?”

“All these fine feelings... you'd like to know my ears are bleeding”

“No, Kurt, we're not interested really. See you at the Off Ramp at 8 then” first I address the singer, who's dramatically wrapping his scarf around his head, then Dave.

“I can come and get you if you want”

“Don't worry, we can meet there”

The time at the diner goes unusually fast. Maybe because it was one of the few times I wished it wouldn't pass. The longer I say out of home, the easiest it is to avoid certain phone calls... I finally get back home and as I enter the apartment and see it's all dark inside I think I got away with it for tonight, at least until the door of my roommate's bedroom opens wide right when I'm walking in front of it.

“Hey Meg, still awake?”

“Mmm” she mumbles as she trots through the hallway into the kitchen.

A coincidence? I don't think so. I remain puzzled in the middle of the hallway, until I can hear her turning on the tap. Simple thirst. I shrug and go straight into my room.

“Good night” I whisper as I hear her barefoot steps coming closer again and her reply consists into getting into my bedroom and grab me by the arm as I'm taking my pyjiama from under the pillow. Needless to say, I'm about to have a stroke.

“FOR CHRIST'S SAKE!”

“Angie, you can't act like this”

“Sure I can! You scared me to death!”

“I mean with Eddie. Here” Meg lets me go only after she's put the phone in my hand.

“What the hell does it mean?”

“I get you're disappointed after San Diego, but you can't avoid him forever”

“Meg what the... look, you're making a fuss for nothing” I try to keep calm as I stare at the phone as if she'd just given me an ignited bomb. Did he call again?

“Shut up and call Eddie” she orders but doesn't look so threatening given her half shut eyes and sleepy voice.

“But... I called him already” I blatantly lie and I'm usually very good at it. It shoud be easier with her senses blurred by sleep.

“When?”

“Tonight” I try and give her the phone back but she doesn't move an inch.

“When?”

“Tonight! During my cigarette break”

“From work?”

“Yeah, I left him a message so he won't worry” I give her the phone and this time she reluctantly takes it.

“Uhm... good”

“Ok, good night Meg” I take my pyjiama and quickly walk into the bathroom.

I don't like lying to Meg. No, that's not true. I like it. Well, it's not that I like it but I'm doing it... gladly? I mean, I'm not glad but... I just do it and don't feel guilty for not telling her about the kiss. The kiss. Did it ever happen anyway? Maybe I dreamt about it, like seller, Eddie drowning, Depeche Mode and all the rest. It could have been just a creation of my twisted mind, from the Sonic Youth awakening to the curious lady on the bus. What if I'm still dreaming? Maybe going to bed and sleeping it off is the best way to... wake up! If I still want to.

He won't call anymore anyway.

I get out of the bathroom and check the way. I go to bed and rest my head on the pillow, falling instantly asleep. When I open my eyes I can't say if it's been five minutes or five days but I know for sure that it's not night anymore since the sunlight is coming through the window blinds. And after a few seconds I understand it must not be so late because I can hear Meg's voice and this means she hasn't left yet. A spiderweb in the corner next to the door catches my attention and I'm about to make the equation spiderweb=spider, when a bigger upcoming danger shows up as my friend's voice becomes clearer.

“But didn't she call yesterday?”

Shit.

“Oh. I must have misunderstood then. Huh? No, it's not like she told me she did... it's just me that... I mean, I saw her going to her room with the phone in her hand so I put two and two together and thought she'd call you. Surely she wanted to do it, she must have fallen asleep before hehe. What? No, I'm on the other phone” Meg stutters and I can almost see her as she halts and goes back towards the entrance, where the small table with the main phone is. He can't see you, Meg! But trust me, he doesn't need to see you to see your bullshit. She can't lie but I appreciate the fact she wants to help me despite finding out I told her a lie.

“Wait, I'm gonna call her. Oh no, don't worry, she has to wake up anyway. Ok, just wait, let me get her for you, just one sec!” I move the duvet out of the way not so delicately, basically throwing it on the floor, and after two seconds I'm standing right in front of the door, with Patti Smith looking straight at me with a judgemental look from the poster. I know, I know, I'm ridiculous and childish, can't we discuss this later, auntie?

“Hey Angie, are you awa-” Meg slowly gets in and I cover her mouth with one hand, make sure she's left the phone in the other room and drag her inside, shutting the door behind her.

“I'm not here, ok?” I tell her.

“Mm?” she can just mumble with surprised eyes.

“Please, help me” I beg her as she tries to get free and answer.

“Wh..?”

“I'm gonna explain later, please...” Meg looks up and nods yes. At that signal I can't help letting her go.

“What the fuck” she mouths a moment before disappearing again through the hallway.

I discretely follow her steps... she could still change her mind and pass me the phone. In the meantime I try and put all things together in my mind to prepare myself for the big explanation I'm expected to give soon after. 'Cause I'll have to tell her everything now and she'll think I'm stupid because nothing of this makes sense. I mean, it's perfectly logical to me but it automatically becomes absurd the moment I try to mentally translate it into words to communicate to another human being.

“Yeah, she must have left early, I didn't hear her...” I really hope I'll never commit a crime but if I do I hope I won't have Meg as my only alibi because she's so little credible that she'd have an innocent person condemned.

“Ok, tell me everything. No, wait, the pen doesn't work, I'm gonna take another. I'll be back in a second huh!” Meg gets out of the kitchen and walks me by shaking her head then getting into her room, then she comes out a moment later with a blue pen between her fingers.

“Here I am. Huh-uh... Until tomorrow morning? Ok, I'll tell her. No, not at all! You know how she is, it's just she works stupid shifts and maybe she thinks she'd bother you. Ok, I'll ter her this too. Look, I'm writing it! Angie never bothers. Ok? Hehe bye Eddie have a nice day. Yes, don't worry! Bye”

I take a deep breath and walk towards my destiny. I enter the kitchen with my hands already raised.

“What the fuck happened, can you tell me?” Meg is already waiting for me, sitting on the table with her arms folded.

“It's... it's complicated”

“Did he hurt you?” she asks seriously and I basically laugh at her face, then crawl on a chair.

“Who? Eddie? Of course not, are you kiddin?”

“Was he an asshole to you? Did he get back with his ex?”

“No, at least, I don't think so, not as long as I was there...”

“But something must have happened, right?”

“Well, yeah...”

“Did you have a fight?”

“No”

“Did you tell him about your feelings and-”

“Haha what feelings?”

“Shut up. Did you tell him and he rejected you?”

“I didn't tell him shit!”

“Did he bring up the thing?”

“We didn't talk about... the thing”

“What did you talk about then?”

“We didn't talk”

“Did he let you know without telling? Look, Eddie cares for you, it's evident. Maybe he's got second thoughts because of the age gap and I can understand it, I mean, it's a positive thing. It shows he's a mature and responsible guy”

“There was no talk and no rejection, Meg”

“Did he tell you I love you and then took it back, like Jerry?”

“No!”

“Angie, would you please tell me what the fuck happened or I'll have to try and guess for another couple of hours?”

“He... well...”

“Told you he's gay?”

“No!”

“So what the hell did he do to you?!!”

“He kissed me”

“WHAT?!” Meg jumps off the table so fast that she almost flips it over together with my chair.

“He gave me a kiss. Well, more than one actually, multiple kisses but all together, in the same occasion, so I think we can call it a kiss, I think they count as a single act”

“EDDIE KISSED YOU! And you tell me just like this?”

“How should I tell you?”

“Most of all, you only tell me now?!”

“I'm not even sure it happened for real...”

“ANGIE, I'M GONNA KILL YOU, I SWEAR TO GOD”

“It was a weird moment”

“Did he kiss you, yes or no?”

“I think he did”

“YOU THINK?”

“Yeah, I mean, at this point, after thinking and rethinking all things through, I think I can affirm he 90% actually kissed me”

“What the fuck does it mean, I mean, were you stoned? Were you blindfolded and ignore who put his tongue into your mouth?”

“I didn't mention tongues”

“Did he kiss you without tongue?”

“Well, no, I mean, both with and without”

“OHMYGOD”

“Why? I didn't think it was such an important detail”

“The detail is not important you asshole! I mean, he kissed you. You and Eddie really kissed”

“Yeah”

“And when? What happened? How did it go? Come on, tell me!”

“Didn't you say details are not important?”

“Don't be your usual pain in the ass self and tell me everything”

I spill the beans, also because there's nothing else I can do. I start from the beginning, that is from my arrival in San Diego.

“Did he kiss you on the beach right in front of Jerry Cantrell? Tell me yes”

“No”

I tell her about our touristic tour of the city.

“Did he kiss you at Subway's? On the bench at the park?”

“No”

I add details about the night at the disco I hadn't told her before.

“Did he kiss you while you were doing The Hustle?”

“Noo!”

I try to cut the too long story short by quickly recapping the day with Dina, the show and the after show beach party.

“Did he kiss you backstage? On the beach under the moonlight while the others were skinny dipping in the ocean?”

“No”

“Goodnight kiss when you got back home then?”

“No, Meg”

“Angie, I'm losing my patience, when the fuck did he kiss you?”

“I'm getting there!”

“Just tell me, please”

“Umph... at the bus station before I left”

“You mean... he had two whole days and he kissed you a minute before saying goodbye?”

“Yes...”

“What a dickhead”

“Well, he felt like doing that there and then!”

“Yeah but he's a dick, he had you suffer until the last second”

“That's not true”

“Yes, it is”

“I didn't suffer, they were two fantastic days! I mean, good, two very good days, nice”

“And the kiss? What was it like?”

“Well..”

“Fantastic? Or good? Or just another nice kiss?” she teases me quoting an old conversation of ours about a totally different kiss with someone else.

“It wasn't nice, it was... it was... I don't know, I wouldn't even know how to describe it, it's like I lost my senses for a few minutes”

“Oh Angie”

“I mean, not all senses, not like anesthesia, because I felt everything extremely well”

“Hahaha I can imagine”

“It was... it was electricity, heat, confusion, wind...”

“Wind?” Meg asks and I almost laugh at the coincidence...

“Yeah, much like when the wind makes you lose control while you're walking and blows so heavily against your face that takes your breath away for a second and you almost feel it in your stomach... Like when you dive down on a rollercoaster”

“You took a nice ride on Eddie The Rollercoaster then”

“But that's different because you're already expecting it. This instead... it was more like when you're going down the stairs and take a false step and without realising you tumble and find yourself with your ass on the ground. But I never got to the ground. Eddie was kissing me and I kept falling and falling and that's it”

“And what about Tom?”

“Tom?”

“Jones? Did you hear him?”

“No”

“Hahaha thank god, I'd be seriously worried then!”

“I heard Dave?”

“Dave? Your ex?”

“Gahan, from Depeche Mode. I even saw him dancing actually...”

“Did you and Vedder exchange psychedelics together with saliva?”

“I was present and absent at the same time, I was there, but in a different form, a different state. Like evaporated water or melted ice. More the first, because I felt light. I was evaporating. Well, maybe sublimating would be more correct...”

“And you still have the guts to claim you've got no feelings for Eddie?” Meg interrupts my nonsense pondering with something that makes even less sense.

“I... I have feelings but, well, it's just... I don't really know what they are yet”

“You don't really know?”

“I'm... trying to figure out!”

“I think you can see it from fucking space what the fuck you're feeling for him, Angie”

“Well, I'm the limited one then because I don't get it”

“You know exactly what those feelings are, you just don't want to admit it”

“It's all a big mess”

“Why? Are you afraid? Is that why you're avoiding him?”

“I'm not avoiding him...”

“You literally asked me to tell him you were not here, how do you call it?”

“I'm just postponing a conversation none of us wants to have right now”

Sure, he called you ten times 'cause he doesn't want to talk to you at all, it seems logic”

“He doesn't want to but he feels he has to, 'cause he's a nice guy”

“Nice guy? Excuse me, what do you think he wants to tell you?”

“What do you think? That it was all a mistake and we should forget it”

“HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA”

“Why are you laughing?”

“Hahaha call me silly, but I think he wants to tell you he can't wait to take another ride on your rollercoaster” Meg mimes a rollercoaster with her hand, which lands straight against my right hip.

“Stop it!”

“Or on your windmills” she goes on and pretends to kiss me, then blows against my face.

“You're not funny”

“Well you're making me laugh a lot, you know”

“Eddie and I... it can't be! It's impossible” I get up and walk towards the hallway, my roommate tagging along as she really can't understand.

“Why?”

“Because that's the way it is”

“That's not an answer”

“Because... because we've got nothing to do with each other”

“Oh Jesus...” Meg sighs, walking past me right on the doorway of my room and diving face down on my bed.

“I'm not telling he's better than me. Let's forget for a moment the fact that he is. I'm not saying it's because I am... I don't know, a dusky-capped flycatcher and he's an Atlantic yellow-nosed albatross. It's because we're actually two very different things, like... like... a bollard and a poem by Robert Frost”

“What?” Meg looks up from my duvet and gives me a puzzled look.

“An obliterated bus ticket and... the rings of Saturn”

“Is it a bad sign that in both statements I can easily say who is what for you?”

“You're getting into my logic”

“Please, let me out! You've already given me headache” Meg stretches her arms towards me as I'm still standing in the center of the room, trying to convince my audience that consists in one single person.

“What would Eddie do with me?”

“I don't know, maybe writing a poem by Robert Frost on a bollard with a permanent marker?”

“Using my terrible metaphors against me won't change my mind”

“Eddie knows exactly what he wants to do with you and he already gave you a preview from what I heard”

“Eddie confused friendship with something else, that's all”

“No, it's you who are mistaking a guy in love for a confused person”

“In love?! Hahahahah please!”

“It's your brain that evaporated first, Angie, let me tell you”

“I bet Eddie thinks he's made a stupid mistake” I suggest trying to shake her hand but she shooed mine away.

“Of course he is! You're avoiding him. If I kissed a guy and he ignored me for days, I'd think that too”

“I say he thought of it in spite of my following actions”

“I say you just keep repeating this story to try and convince yourself, whereas you know exactly there's another possibility”

“Of course I know” Meg managed to make me shut up, it takes me a while to reply.

“Ha! See?”

“The two possibilities coexist”

“Exactly”

“And will keep coexisting and being both valid, at least until I don't... observe the system”

“What system?”

“This portion of universe”

“The fuck are you talking about, Angie?”

“Quantum physics. Do you know Schroedinger's cat paradox?” I ask her as I sit beside her on my bed.

“The cat that's dead or alive in the box?”

“Actually, it's both dead and alive until you don't open the box”

“So are you the cat? Or Eddie?”

“Eddie kissed me, then I left and haven't seen or heard of him ever since. It's like I closed him in the box, right? And now we're in a quantum superposition situation, that is two possibilities overlapping”

“Remorseful Eddie and Eddie in love?”

“Yeah... well, more or less”

“The cat is both alive or dead until you check inside the box, so in the same way...”

“Eddie's both remorseful and, ehm, infatuated until I talk to him”

“That's obvious”

“So you must have understood why I wanna talk to him as late as possible”

“Actually... no”

“Oh shit, Meg, follow me! It's Schroedinger's kiss, right? In this scenario, the kiss is both something with a meaning and a mistake that doesn't mean anything”

“Ok...”

“And if I don't talk to Eddie, it'll go on being like that, right?”

“Right”

“And maybe half an alternative is all I've got left, isn't it? What if it's the best I can expect? I'd better hold it, don't you think?”

“You mean you're not calling him because you want to postpone your disappointment?”

“Bingo!”

“And couldn't you just say it like that instead of giving me a headache with this quantum stuff?” she jokes shoving me.

“You forgot someone here has difficulties in admitting things in a linear way...”

“If you're afraid of being disappointed... it means you've got hope!”

“Of course I've got hope! It'd be much easier if I hadn't! But no, there's always a small bitchy part of me who hopes for all these absurdities to become true, that's my problem”

“Once you become Eddie's girlfriend, you'll laugh about all this, Angie” Meg shakes her head and gets up from my bed, walks up to the photocollage Eddie made for me and points right at him in one of the pictures, which captures my whole attention for a good couple of minutes.

“Trying to raise my hopes won't help me”

“So what? Is it better to wallow yourself in a 50% possibility?”

“Still better than 100% certainty”

“Depends on what's the certainty”

“The only logical one”

“And Eddie? Don't you think about him?”

“What do you believe I've been thinking for two days? And who are we talking about?”

“I mean, quantum shit aside, and leaving out the eventual sentimental consequences, you two are friends and friends deserve sincerity and respect”

“Yeah, I know...”

“A friend has been looking for you, for days, and you avoid him with lies, do you think it's a correct behaviour?”

“No, I didn't mean to justify myself, I was only explaining the way I think”

“You think with your ass. Whatever is the reason he wants to talk to you, you're disrespecting him”

“It's hard...”

“Doing the right thing is never easy.” Meg gets out of my room again, then comes back a minute later “Now take the phone, dial the number of the hotel in Santa Rosa Eddie gave to me and open this fucking box” Meg physically puts the phone in my hands once again, together with the notepad he scribbled on while she was talking to Ed.

“Now?”

“Now”

“Now I have to go and get dressed, and go to class”

“Call him while you're getting dressed, it's a chordless phone, no chord, the word says it, you can take it anywhere with you, even in the bathroom”

“Listen, I promise I'll call him later”

“Bullshit, I don't believe you”

“Really, I'll call him by the end of the day, for real, you convinced me”

“You'll call him tonight in front of Grace and I. On speakerphone. Fuck, Grace will literally lose her mind once she'll know you and Eddie kissed haha. Perfect timing for our girls night!”

“Oh err, by the way, I wanted to tell you I won't be here tonight unfortunately”

“What do you mean you won't be here?! What's with this bullshit?”

“I'm busy”

“I was joking about speakerphone! Listen, I've just thought what we can do: Grace calls Stone to have a chat, then you and I chime in and ask where the others are and turn it into a group call like the other night. So technically you'll speak with Eddie, but not alone”

“I'm going out with Dave”

“So you can break the ice and the deadlock you're in. And the kiss, you can talk about it another time, maybe in person... Sorry, I didn't understand who you're going out with”

“Dave”

“Gahan?”

“Haha no, Grohl! We're going to a concert”

“You mean you're afraid the cat is dead so you just go and take another?”

“Hahaha but no!”

“Resurrecting a cat you had already buried? Really?”

“It's not what you think”

“Uh so you're not going out with your ex, while the guy who kissed you pines for you?”

“No, because it's not a date! And no one is pining...”

“At this point, why don't you call Jerry too? You could have dinner together tomorrow”

“Ok listen, I'm gonna have a shower now, if you wanna know the truth just wait for me and I'll tell you, if you don't well just keep on making fun of me, as you wish”

“Uhmm both things are tempting, I think I'll just stop talking to you to have them coexist so I can enjoy them both in my fucking quantum system” she jokes as I leave the room and flips her the bird.

“Fuck you, Meg”

****************************************************************************************************************************

It must be cool I think. Having your workplace right outside your home. It'd be my dream. Or maybe not. On one hand it'd be more practical, I'd never be late, well, almost never; but on the othe r hand I'd have the impression I'd never had a real break, my head would be on work even when I'm not working. You look outside your window or get out of home in the afternoon and there is the minimart sign, watching you, and you start thinking about the upcoming deliveries, the new displays to assemble and the technician to call for the fridge. God no! In this case the proximity turns out as something positive, since I simply cross the road and I'm already pressing my finger on the buzzer of the McDonald-Pacifico residence. My finger basically starts to atrophy on the fucking button because after a quarter of an hour nobody has answered yet. It was today, wasn't it? Maybe Meg left for a while. The lights are on though...

“No point ringing Grace, it's broken” I'm so focused on the fourth floor's windows that I don't notice Angie showing up on the doorway.

“Hey, welcome back... ex friend who ditches on us at the very last moment!” I mess her hair up and give her a quick hug.

“Thanks. Did Meg tell you?”

“Yeah, she anticipated you'd have ditched us tonight”

“Did she also tell you it's for a good cause?”

“Sure, unless I wouldn't even talk to you right now!”

“Did she tell you only this?” she asks, suddenly lowering her voice, who knows why.

Right in that moment a car horn honks twice behind our backs and we turned around simultaneously.

“I see, your date has arrived”

“That is, my companion in misfortune. Gotta go. Have a good time and easy with Meg's puryfying masks!” Angie rolls her eyes and smiles at me before walking away to the car, waiting for her on the opposite side of the road.

I enter from the glass door left open by Angie and take the elevator. I'm sorry she won't be with us tonight but I feel a lot of curious anectodes will come out and we'll still discuss them in the future with her too. In today's menu, Meg promised juicy updates about Angie and her but she didn't tell me anything in advance. We'll see! By the way, she asked me news about Stone and I but there's not that much to say. She keeps asking but, I mean, doesn't she realize we're not even in the same state right now? The flame is neither on or off, it's just on stand-by. I get out of the elevator and walk through the long hallway, kind of creepy because of a flickering lightbulb. I turn around the corner and basically find myself face to face to Meg, who's leaving the apartment with her purse in her hand.

“Don't tell me you're ditching me too and the evening is cancelled because in that case I won't talk to you and your heartbreaker roommate anymore”

“Hahaha no, I'm just going outside to wait for the pizza guy, because now the buzzer's broken too in this shitty building”

“Yeah, I met Angie who opened the door for me or I'd still be out in the cold”

“Come on, get in, he should be here in a minute, I'll be back soon. And prepare yourself psychologically cause I've got a lot of absurd stuff to tell you!”

“I can say we won't watch the movie” I smile as I enter the apartment, whereas Meg walks away, buttoning up her jacket.

“We won't need the movie, trust me!”

Salt lick by Tad is the first record of the evening I decide to put on, although the evening hasn't started yet, considering Meg's still outside waiting for the pizza guy. I look outside the window to see if someone's coming, but nothing for now. I sit on the couch and start playing with the beer cans that are on the coffee table, I line them up, first in rows of two, then of three until one is left out and I open it for me. I get up again and walk around the house to waste some time. Actually I don't just look around, I go straight to one point, the fridge in the kitchen, and start checking it for something new, which I immediately find. A magnet with a panda, an orca and a smiling sun with a hat, surrounded by palms and the writing SAN DIEGO. The magnet itself holds a retro-style postcard, showing a beach at sunset, a line of parked old cars, each one with a surfboard over the roof, and four silhouettes of surfers, two guys and two girls. I knew she'd have addes something to her collection. I'm examining the long shadows of the surfers on the postcard when I'm startled by the sudden ring of the phone. I wait a little before answering, after an inner debate, I'm not at my place after all... But what if it's important? What if it's the pizza place calling to say they're late?

“Hello?”

“Oh thank god! I thought I had to sit through a whole conversation with Meg and Angie about shit before I could finally talk to you” the voice on the other hand only makes me regret I didn't answer at the first ring.

“Hey Stone”

“Hi, love. What's up? Are you still sober? Do you already have nail polish on your feet?”

Great.

Couldn't he just be sarcastic? Why does he have to add things? Two sentences, two uncomfortable things. I'm already changing my mind, I'd have better not answer.

“Hehe no. I mean, yes, I'm sober and no, my toenails are... are just like before, everything's the same”

“Are you ok? You sound weird... Is Meg threatening you with eyebrow tweezers? If you can't speak don't risk it, tell me something in a secret code, something that would sound absolutely natural in a conversation with your boyfriend like They shot Tommy in the face so his mother couldn't give him an open coffin at the funeral...”

“Hehe no, it's alright, I'm just a little lost. Meg's not here anyway, she's outside waiting for the pizza delivery guy. Broken buzzer”

“Yeah, I guess this sounds even more natural. I'll call 911”

“What about you? Aren't you playing tonight?”

“Yeah, actually we're in the dressing room, that is also some kind of extension of the toilet”

“Or vice versa” I can barely hear it but the voice is unmistakable.

“Or vice versa, like Eddie says, we still didn't understand”

“Look! Here's Mike Patton's phone number!” Jeffrey chimes in too in this messy phone conversation.

“Sorry babe, I gotta hang up and call him immediately. It surely is his number, after all there's no more reliable source than a writing on the toilet wall in a club in Sacramento”

“Wasn't it the dressing room?” I chuckle and for a moment I think about asking him for that number too. Would he take it bad?

“I told you, we still haven't understood!”

“Faith No More played there, it can't be a bad place”

“Mr Bungle I think. Jokes aside, it's not bad, I think it's one of the coolest places we've been so far, although it's as big as your apartment”

“And it's packed!” Jeff shouts, probably swallowing the receiver.

“I have to agree with what the caveman said. It's full of people... who are here for Alice in Chains of course”

“How do you know? Don't put yourself down like that” I try and console him, although I know he doesn't need it.

“I'm not putting myself down, it's the truth. 99% they don't know us, we have to conquer them”

“So go and conquer them!” I encourage him and only after a while a realize that it might sound like I want to end the call now. But I don't want to. Really! I'm perfectly at ease in this conversation, when he doesn't remind me once every five minutes that he's my boyfriend.

“We'll do that, dear. What about pizza? Not arrived yet? And alcohol? Are you still sober?”

“Haha your friends will think I'm some kind of alcoholic! Anyway, no pizza. And now that I think about it, I'm so hungry!”

“Come on, resist. I couldn't eat anything right now, my stomach's in knots, you know it's always like that for me before I get on a stage”

“Hehe yeah, you told me. Don't be nervous”

“I'm not nervous, I'm realistic. I do my job but there are other four variables for the success of the show, you know what I mean”

“Hehe four variables in flesh and bones, who disturb you while you're calling me?”

“Exactly. But they left me alone now, they must have gone searching for the other guitarist since we're on in like half an hour”

“Talking about sobriety...”

“You get it. Anyway would it sound too sappy and inappropriate if I told you that I miss you and wish you were here with me?”

“Yes, totally inappropriate, Stone” I have the feeling I held my breath before answering. What if my silence was too long? Would he believe it was just a dramatic pause?

“Ok, I won't tell you then. Oops, one variable is coming back. Eddie's here, we must stop with our extreme phone sex for now, sorry babe”

“Fuck... Stone!” I hear Vedder mumble something that sounds like embarrassment, whereas Stone giggles in the receiver.

“I was clearly joking, do you think that if I had hardcore sex on the phone with my girlfriend I'd tell you?”

My girlfriend, yeah, let's say it again, maybe the people in the back didn't know already.

“Leave Eddie alone, don't make him uncomfortable!”

“What? Now?” Stone's speaking but clearly not to me “What do you have to tell her? Uh ok, wait! Sorry Grace, Eddie wants to talk to you a sec, I'll put him on”

“He wants to talk... to me?” I don't think I'm the object of his interest, but it's probably the absent girl of the night. As far as Meg told me, neither Angie's surprise visit or her change in style were enough to wake the handsome surfer up. And she's kinda avoiding him now. And I totally understand her, I mean, I know her and she'll surely act as if it's nothing because 'what, I don't like Eddie' and 'I went to San Diego to see the band' and shit like that. She was surely expecting something from this but he didn't do anything. She must be so sad. What if his ex girlfriend got in the way? That would be a heavy blow, even for the always (apparently) indifferent Angie.

“If he tries hardcore phone sex with you, tell me, ok?”

“Hahaha shut up and let me talk to him!”

“Have a good time, love”

“You too and... break a leg!” why does he always have to add something in the end?!

“Ehm hi Grace” Eddie's deep voice sounds a little higher than normal, it must be that he's uncomfortable. Or impatient? Surely he wants to know about Angie. And for like the 18th time he'll be told she's not here. And it serves him right! I mean, it's ok if you're shy and your head's full of doubts but here it's about keep a girl hanging, a girl who clearly has a crush on him. Because I wanna believe it's just doubts and he's not leading her on on purpose just to be a dick, because in that case he'd be a real piece of shit.

“Hi Eddie, how's it going? What's up?” now I'm gonna keep him on the phone for an hour asking him random questions, I wanna see how long it takes before he asks me about Angie.

“Oh, everything's fine, except for stage fright, but that's normal for me” aw no, it wouldn't be fair, turture him like that.

“Don't worry, you'll do great. I guess you wanna talk to Angie, right?” also because I've just had the greatest idea. The perfect system to punish him.

“Uhm well, yeah, actually... it looks like she's pretty impossible to find lately”

“And you keep on not finding her, she's not here tonight”

“Oh really? Great, hehe, I was expecting that...” he nervously answers and I'm almost sorry to do what I'm about to do. Almost.

“You're a little unlucky, Eddie”

“Yeah, I noticed that. Well, I'll try and call her at the diner. I didn't want to disturb her at work, but it looks like it's the only way to actually speak to her so...”

“Oh but she's not at Roxy's”

“Working the nightshift at Westlake's? On a Saturday?” Eddie sounds honestly confused and I feel like I'm playing like a cat and mouse.

“Hehe no, Eddie, she's not working. No justification for ditching us, that little bitch!”

“Oh! I see, and... ehm, where-”

“And ditching us for a guy!”

“What?” I think I caught the exact moment the jealousy switch snapped.

“You don't ever ditch friends, for any guy, don't you think?”

“What guy?”

“Uhm yeah, you know him! Her ex, sort of, the one who plays the drums...”

“Dave?” the sound of his voice as he pronounces that name scaries me: red alert!

“Yeah, from what I know, there're going to a concert”

“I see. Thank you, I'll get Stone for you, ok? Bye”

“Ok, by-... bye Ed?” as I reply a loud thud blows out my eardrum. I dope he didn't throw the receiver on Stone's head. Anyway, now we'll see. If this doesn't rock the boat then I don't know what to do with that guy!

“Excuse me, babe, what did you tell my singer exactly? He just stormed out like a fury...” he doesn't sound like someone who's just been hit by a phone, so I relax.

“Nothing, he wanted to talk to Angie but...”

“Let me guess: she's not there”

“Exactly”

“Ok, I couldn't care less but please, let him talk to her. I like it when he's aggressive on stage but he's starting to be intractable off stage too...”

“It's not our fault if they never find each other...” I innocently reply. I don't feel like sharing my evil intrigues with Stone, although I think he'd appreciate them.

“Whatever, who cares. Let's go back to us. You wanted to know what I'm wearing, right?”

“Haha no. And by the way, Meg's just arrived with pizza, I gotta go” my friend finally gets back home with two steamy hot pizza boxes and puts them on the coffee table, right in front of me.

“HI STONE!” she yells in my direction “Did I interrupt something?” she adds in a low voice.

After some more small talk the phone call ends, I hang up and silently look at Meg as she takes off her jacket and throws herself on the couch right next to me, opens the boxes and a beer can.

“What's up? Why do you have that smile plastered on your face? Does Stone have this effect on you?” she winks.

“Haha no, my friend. Stone's got nothing to do with it this time. I'm the one who had a certain effect. And not on him. On someone else”

“On who?”

“I think I set a good mechanism in motion, this time I have to compliment myself” I add patting myself on my shoulder.

“How many did you have already?” she asks suspiciously pointing at the beer I'm holding with my right hand.

“This is the first and only one! Anyway, let me explain to you why I'm a genius...”

**************************************************************************************************************************

“There she is! She's arrived!” Grace finally moves away from the windowsill and closes the window shut.

“It was about time, at least you'll stop letting the cold in. It's already freezing here...” I mumble as I rearrange the blanket over my shoulders.

“Technically, it's not the cold getting in but the heat going out, anyway...”

“You don't need to act like the Angie of the day, the original's here” I joke as I get up from the couch.

“Thank god, the waiting's killing me. I can't wait to solve this mess” Grace has been pacing the living room back and forth for a few hours, basically with no interruptions.

“Ok, come on, it's not your fault. I mean, not only. I could have been more specific and told you what happened between Eddie and Angie”

“What does it even mean? You didn't have to tell me anything, after all it's all Angie's business. It's me, I shouldn't have intruded. What have I done?”

“You had good intentions and did it for a good cause”

“Sure, making Eddie jealous to make him come clean about his feeling once and for all... Unfortunately he already did in San Diego and what did I do? I told him his girl was out with another guy!”

“And not just an average guy!” I know, I'm twisting a knife in her too, but I can't help making fun of Grace. She's so sweet in her feeling like shit.

“Her fucking ex! How long does it take to her to come upstairs?” the girl looks at the watch, as if she was timing our friend.

“You know she never takes the elevator, it depends on how much breath she's got left after the concert”

“And what if Eddie fucked another chick for revenge? What if he goes back to his ex?” Grace goes on desperately, while the noise of the key in the lock is the signal of Angie's arrival.

“Here she is, thank god. So we can just solve this thing and you can relax, I can't stand you anymore” I can barely end the sentence when Grace has already launched herself towards the doorway.

“ANGIE, I FUCKED UP!”

“Hello to you too, Grace... what did you do? Did Meg go too far with waxing?” Angie gives a more than perplexed look at the girl, who's basically cornered her and pushed her against the closed door.

“Haha no, none of that”

“I WISH, ANGIE, I WISH IT WAS SOMETHING LIKE THAT!” Grace yells at her face.

“Stone would liked that for sure” I joke as I come close to them.

“MEG, PLEASE, THIS IS NOT THE RIGHT MOMENT”

“May one ask what the hell's going on here? What did you smoke? And most of all, why didn't you wait for me?”

“Come here, Angie, I'm gonna tell you everything, Grace's not exactly sane and lucid right now” I put my arm around Angie's shoulders and automatically drag them both to the living room and to the couch.

“I fucked up and it's all my fault. But it can't go like this, I promise that if something bad happens I'll go talk to him” Grace takes Angie's hand and my roommate eyes her more and more suspiciously.

“Him... who?”

“Eddie, who else?” she reveals and Angie removes instantly her hand.

“Why? What happened with Eddie?”

“What happened is that-” I try and start a clear explanation but anxiety in person interrupts me.

“We'll tell you ok? But you need to keep calm. Whatever happens, we'll deal with it together, ok?”

“Ok... can I take off my coat first or...?”

“Oh yeah, sure! Sure, take it off, make yourself comfortable”

“Sure, Angie! Make yourself at home hehe” I can't help myself, I specifically try to release the tension.

“Meg, don't make fun of me, please, I'm already feeling like shit like this” Grace puts and Angie warily takes off her coat and her boots.

“Why do you feel like shit? Can you please tell me, what did you do? And what's Eddie got to do with it?”

“If you both keep calm and quiet for a minute, I'm gonna tell you”

“Is that all?” Angie shrugs after listening to the whole story.

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN IS THAT ALL? CAN'T YOU UNDERSTAND? HE THINKS YOU WENT OUT WITH DAVE!” Grace is surprised by Angie's indifference. Of course she had to act like she doesn't care.

“Well, that's the truth, isn't it?”

“But you didn't... go out in the true sense of the word” Grace retorts.

“Don't play dumb, Angie. He must have thought it was a date” I scold her.

“A real date” Grace adds.

“A full blown date”

“It's not that he must have thought... it's that I told him. Well, I suggested it, but I basically told him”

“So what?” Angie's shrugs are almost more irritating than Grace's guilty conscience.

“So what?? He must be angry!” I blurt out trying to have a reaction from her.

“You should have heard him, it seemed like he turned into ice all of a sudden. He scared me” Grace nods, whereas Angie shakes her head no.

“Please, like he cares...”

“Angie, you don't need to act, I told her about the kiss” I explain as I point at Grace, who keeps nodding yes with no reason.

“I supposed so. Anyway, as I already said, I don't think it's gonna upset him that much” Angie gets up with the coat in her hand, grabs the boots with her other hand and leaves the living room just like that.

“Suuure... he just looked like someone who's ready to kill the first human being passing by!” Grace temporarily borrows Stone's sarcasm uniform to react to Angie's fake indifference “What is she doing now? Is she leaving?” she later asks me.

“Let her put her pjs on, than we'll tease her some more”

When Angie shows up again later, walking through the living room to go to the kitchen, she finds us here, exactly where she left us: I'm on one couch and Grace on the other one, staring at her in disbelief.

“What's wrong?” she asks annoyed, with a glass of water in her hand, ready to put it on her nightstand for the night.

“You gotta call Eddie” Grace says before me.

“Why?”

“Because you have to tell him the truth” I speak first this time.

“You already did, didn't you? I mean, you spared me a long story, thank you Grace” Angie mimics a toast towards our friend.

“Shut up! You can't make me feel guilty forever for this, now you call him and tell him the truth” I kinda like Grace's aggressive passivity (or passive aggressiveness?).

“And you tell him the rest too” I add, just to make things clear.

“The rest? Which rest?”

“Well, for example, you could tell him what you feel for him and what did you feel when he kissed, using the same word you told me”

“You're crazy”

“Uh! I wanna hear the words too!” Grace gives up her desperate persona for a second and gets into gossip mode.

“Ok, just tell him what's going on with Dave and that the kiss was great, but you're in a difficult moment now and don't know what you want and you have to think about it”

“I don't have to think about shit”

“Just tell him you miss him!” Grace suggests again.

“I don't miss him”

“Angie, for fuck's sake!” I get up yelling so loud that I almost scare myself “I don't give a shit about what you'll tell him, tell him anything you want, but call him. Just call him so you can put an end to this mess”

“Ok... ok... I'll call him now! You don't need to all emotional...” Angie finally gives in, puts the glass on the coffee table and takes the phone right next to it.

“Oh finally!” Grace claps and winks at me.

“And put it on speakerphone”

“I don't need speakerphone if I leave him a message” Angie retorts as she quickly dials the number by heart.

“Hahaha yeaaaaaah, sure!” I steal the phone from my very clever roommate.

“What's wrong?”

“On the phone table at the entrance you can find Eddie's hotel phone number, you gotta call him there, so you can actively talk to him” I explain better, since she's playing dumb.

“And put it on speakerphone!” Grace can't wait for the call to happen and is sitting on the edge of the couch.

“They had a show tonight, do you think he's in his hotel room at this time?” she asks looking at us alternatively as if we were stupid.

“Sure” I calmly reply.

“Alone in his room, suffering for you” Grace adds.

“Punching the wall”

“And he hung a picture of Dave on said wall”

“And getting drunk to forget you”

“Alone and drunk with sore knuckles”

“Ok ok, I got the idea!” Angie flails her arms and walks towards the hallway, then comes back with the infamous notepad.

“Come on, call him!” Grace tells her.

“In a minute... but without speakerphone”

“But with speakerphone!” I'm sorry, it's a deal-breaker, babe.

“Umph...” Angie puffs loudly and dials the number, staring at the phone longer than she should before pressing the dial button “I guess he's not in his room anywa-... Ehm ehm, hello? Eddie? Yeah, hi, it's me” Angie's eyes are purely terrified, Grace's ones are heartshaped. Mine, instead, are fixed on the phone resting against Angie's ear and spot the speakerphone button, so that I can promptly press it as she speaks.

**********************************************************************************************************************************************

Didn't she say no fucking musicians anymore? Well, I'm a musician too, but that's different! And there must be some kind of justice, if it's no to me it's no to him too, what the fuck. Anyway she said they were just friends to behave, what to tell me. But it was much simpler than that. She just didn't care. But, you know, it's ok. Feelings are not necessarily reciprocated. I mean, somebody, a writer, I can't remember the name, used to say that the only true love is the unrequited one. Bummer. By the way, I can accept being ignored and dumped, but you can't kiss me and then don't give a fuck about me and go out with another guy without telling me. I mean, you can, you know, you can do whatever you want, you don't owe me anything, you never promised me anything and, even if you did, you'd have the right to change your mind and tell me to go fuck myself as you want. You can, but I can't help feeling disappointed. Bullshit. I'm fucking mad and if I had my hands on Dave right now I'd fucking punch him. I mean, I'd fucking punch anyone. That's why I decided to take a cab back to the hotel right after the concert. The show wasn't bad, anger's always a good stage fuel. We were great and the more or less thirty people who actually gave a shit about our set too, enjoyed a show they won't easily forget. How easily will I forget her? And her lips? And the delicious way she kisses? And the small twitches of her closed eyelids I spyed on while we were kissing? And how she held me tight? God, can't you hear yourself?! Wake up! She didn't call you back and went out with someone else, isn't it enough to understand you have to take your mind off her?

The croaky phone ring startles me. It must be Jeff who wants to know if I got here safe. I sit on the bed and pick up the receiver.

“Hello”

“Hello?” she says after nervously clearing her throat.

She.

Damn.

“Angie, it's you”

“Eddie? Yeah, it's me” I know it's you, it wasn't a fucking question.

“I can't believe it, you do exist then? I was starting to think you were an abstact entity”

“Hehe yeah, sorry, it's just I was kinda busy, with work and the rest”

“Yeah, I've been told about your schedule” I coldly reply, I mean, I try and seem cold, but I most likely just seem enbittered.

“You know, whenever I could call you I thought it wasn't the right moment and whenever the right moment came, I never had the time or was too tired. I'm inexcusable”

“Never mind” are you calling me now only to tell me you have a new boyfriend? Yeah, that must be the reason. Grace must have told her about our conversation and now she felt like she had to explain . But there's nothing to explain, everything seems pretty clear to me.

“I'm sorry”

“I said never mind!” I repeat, maybe too vehemently, since Angie keeps silent for long seconds.

“Grace told me you had called tonight too and I thought what the hell and just went for it and called you, I mean it's now or never at this point. I tried and I didn't think I'd find you in your hotel room by now”

“And you're busy now too, I see”

“W-why?”

“The speakerphone...”

“Ah! No, it's just... I'm tidying up my room and getting ready for bed. How... how arre things going? How did the concert go?” in a different situation, the image of her in a bed would have had a totally different effect on me.

“Good”

“Good as in you're good or the show was good?”

“Both” I'm feeling great.

“Good!”

“Good, yeah”

More silence.

“Is it... is it maybe a bad moment?”

“No, why?” it's a wonderful moment, best moment of my life.

“I don't know... you don't talk much”

“Did you just find out? Looks like you've been kinda distracted lately” and why should you have paid attention anyway if you're not interested in me?

“No, I wasn't. Anyway it's not the number of spoken words but more the way you speak them” ok, she really wants to hear me say that I'm jealous and she broke my heart. Can't we just ignore it, like she's been doing for almost three days?

“Why? Which way is it?”

“I don't know... weird... maybe you're tired”

“Yeah, it can be, concerts can be exhausting, once the adrenaline drops you kinda collapse too” but my adrenaline is still at the highest, I could go literally walk back to Sacramento and then get back here and I'd still be pumped up. I could walk up to Seattle and kick him in the ass.

“Hehe you're right. And it's not that different from watching a show from the audience. I was at a concert tonight and I'm basically dead” ok, she's starting to shift the conversation to slowly get to the point.

“Uh you've been to a concert?” I decide to play along, I mean, let's just rip the band-aid right off, right? The sooner she tells me what she wants to say, the sooner this stupid phone call will end. I missed her voice though...

“Yeah, I had such a good time but I'll keep it in mind next time someone suggests moshing” and it's not her fault if she doesn't like me anyway. But I can't help getting angry if I think about her in the mosh pit together with that jerk.

“What band did you see?” better focus on something else.

“A whole female band, they're great! And they're from San Diego, sure you know them. They're called L7”

“Sure I do know them, they're old friends! My old band opened for them more than once too” I am in California and they're in Seattle, ironic.

“I know, the bass player told me”

“Did you meet Jennifer? Wait, you getting to know a band? You must have been in a very good mood tonight” talking about old friends doesn't make me forget she's with another man now.

“Well, I can tell you I was basically forced to do that, that was the reason why I went”

“Forced?”

“Yeah, Dave came to the diner to beg me on his knees” and you tell me? As if that silly serenade scene I witnessed wasn't enough...

“And you couldn't say no to him, I guess...”

“He trapped me! Actually, he and Jennifer are basically dating, although not officially, I mean, they went out together a few times. She's busy with her band and isn't calling him and he doesn't want to push, but at the same time wants to see her more. When he learned they'd have played at the Off Ramp he thought he had to go but didn't want to go alone and look creepy or pushy, at least that's what he thought. And he couldn't stand the idea of being ignored, he had no idea what she was thinking and she might as well not give a shit about it the whole night. So, in the end he asked a few people to go with him not to draw attention” Angie talks non-stop and I'm not understanding shit, oh well, I understood what I needed to, but I'm almost afraid to ask for further explanation.

“Dave and Jennifer?”

“Yeah, they're seeing each other. And I think they're a cute couple”

“And he went to see the show with a few people and you were one of these...”

“Well, actually Kurt ditched him 'cause he had to meet with a girl. No idea what kind of girl can stand such an unbearable guy, but... whatever. Krist is out of town. You know, Dave doesn't know many people here yet, he only had his roommate and I left. I took Brian from the diner with me too. If only I had known the asshole gets into the mosh pit keeping his elbows high, I wouldn't have invited him!”

“You were not alone then?”

“No, luckily Brian went to elbow the wrong guy and learned a lesson”

“No, I mean you and Dave... I thought... fuck, I feel like an idiot, I'm sorry” because I am, I'm an idiot, an asshole.

“Dave and I?”

“I thought you were going out with him. I thought you were with him. Again” I find myself standing beside the bed.

“Hahaha what? No!”

“But Grace said that-”

“Grace drew the wrong conclusion. Or maybe you misunderstood”

“Yeah, it was me, I misunderstood, I didn't understand shit. I never understand shit, especially when it's about you, Angie” am I still angry? Am I happy? Am I confused? I don't even know.

“What... what do you mean?”

“I mean... you know, you didn't call me after... and then Grace tells me you went out with... that... I thought you didn't want to know about it”

“About what?”

“About me” who else?

“Hahaha and why?” why is it so difficult to talk to this girl?

“I don't know... maybe because of what happened that morning, before you left...”

“Eddie... don't worry. Nothing happened, ok?”

Nothing? Why nothing? The fuck are you talking about? I'd better sit back down on the bed.

“Well, I wouldn't call it nothing...”

“Ok, let's pretend it never happened then”

Are you fucking kidding me?

“It doesn't seem doable to me, Angie”

“Well, it did happen then, but can't we just forget it?” she goes on nervously but trying to sound determined.

“Can you forget it? I can't think about anything else since you left” I confess and I hear a strange noise from the receiver right after that, like a moan, a choked meow.

“I don't... I don't know, Eddie”

“I know I made a mistake, I'll never forgive myself for that”

“That's not bad, you're making it worse and bigger than it actually is! As I said, nothing happened to me”

“The other morning, at the bus station, I shouldn't have kissed you”

“Exactly”

“I should have kissed you way before”

“Eddie, don't... what?”

“In three days, I could have kissed you a thousand time and I didn't because I'm a wimp. And even before that, I had like a million occasions to do that. I should have kissed you on the Space Needle, with that badass view. Or on Pike Place's roof terrace. Or while you were trying on that red hat at the mirror and weren't looking at me and you were so beautiful. Or on Cam's porch at new year's eve, while you were telling me about Schopenhauer, hedgehogs and Woodstock and you smelled like oranges and I'd have listened to you for hours”

“Also because you were high” she remarks and if she really thinks she can lighten the mood and break my speech she's fucking wrong.

“No, at that point, not yet. Anyway I could as well give you a kiss together with chocolate the night you came to the minimart in your pjs to buy pads and you were ashamed. Or when you found me alone at the gallery and you brought me food, whereas I'd have loved for you to feed me with kisses. Not to mention when I crashed at your place and slept with you and woke up in your fucking arms and instead of waking you up with a kiss, as you do with a princess, I grabbed your shoulder and shook it a little. What a jerk!”

“Eddie I... maybe we shouldn't discuss this on the phone, I mean...”

“I know, I know, that's why I'm saying I made a mistake. Because if I had kissed you before, we'd have had time to talk about it. Yet now we have to wait until I'm back in Seattle and I can't because I'd do it now. I'd want you here, now. Even without talking”

“I... I don't know what to say, Eddie”

“Don't say anything, I told you it's ok even without talking, right?”

“Hehe what do we do? We just shut up on the phone?”

“Yes. You know I'm a man of few words”

“I know that well”

And that I want to shut up on the phone only with you and no one else? Do you know that too?

#finally #pearl jam fanfiction #grunge fanfiction #stone gossard #eddie vedder #pearl jam #chapters

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