#please read the triggers!

[lygma-nygma]

Being a batfam fan is funny because people will make a post like “here’s my headcanon-“ and it’s just something that’s directly canon to the story then post about major canon events and get everything wrong.

[youkissedareaderinthedark]

Coraline

Synopsis: Y/n’s childhood and history with her parents has always stayed a secret, and she likes it that way. Until a journalist reveals the truth, and everything seems to come crashing down at once.

young female driver reader x 2023 F1 grid

A/N: a few things for this fic: reader will be 20 years old, had driven for alpha tauri since the beginning of 2022, the 2022 is the same as the 2023 grid, and please look at the trigger warning below.

Trigger Warning: This fic contains abusive parents, talks of eating disorders, neglecting a kid, verbally abusing a kid, signs of depression, and a lot of hurtful comments in general. This fic is not meant to idolize or romanticize having abusive parents or depression. If anyone finds anything particularly disturbing with this fic, do not hesitate to let me know and I will fix it.

tagged: @treehouse-mouse

2023 was supposed to be a good season for Alpha Tauri. The cars looked good, your driver pairing was solid, and the hopes were high for your junior Red Bull team. You could only laugh at the naivety of it now.

Most of the season was exceptional; you and Yuki Tsunoda brought in points almost every weekend, your team was seventh in the constructors championship, and overall, you were having a great time traveling around the world.

This was your second year in Formula 1, and now that you weren’t a rookie anymore, you could have more fun now that you knew what you were doing.

Some people just don’t like others being happy, though.

With less than 10 races left, you walked into the paddock for the Monza Grand Prix Thursday afternoon feeling optimistic. This was the second race after the summer break, and Alpha Tauri was expected to do well in Italy.

Your press officer, Ally, greeted you in your garage, and after saying hello to Yuki, you followed her out of the garage and into the media pen for a press conference.

You walk in to see Lewis, Carlos, Lando, and Fernando and talked quietly with them as the press in front of you get settled. “Everybody ready? All right, first question please” One of the directors asks, as a journalists speaks up.

“Lewis, you’ve witnessed the infamous ‘Monza Curse’ multiple times in your career, do you think the theory is true and will it strike again this year?”

“Um, no” Lewis chuckles. “I don’t believe in the curse, but it would be nice to see someone new finish first today, and if a curse is what it’s going to take, then yeah, why not”

The five of you laugh, not noticing the second journalist beginning to speak. “Y/n, what do you have to say about the recent article published regarding your past with your family?”

You instantly stop laughing, hoping you misheard the man.

“Sorry?”

There’s no way

“The article? That was recently published concerning your past with your parents, what do you have to say about it?” The journalist stared at you curiously while your mind blanked for an answer.

You had no idea what article he was talking about, but if it concerned your past with your ‘family’, you knew it wasn’t anything that should be published.

Suddenly there’s movement in the midst of the media pen, and your press officer emerges from the crowd. “Y/n, come with me” She pauses, seeing one of the directors nearing out of the corner of her eye.

“It’s urgent, I need her” You’d take any excuse to get away from the current situation, so after exchanging a look with Lewis, you follow the woman into the paddock towards your garage.

Once you were both in the safety of your drivers room, you turned on her. “What article is he talking about? What’s going on?” You said, voice heavy with concern.

Ally hesitated, looking uncomfortable, before answering. “This morning, an article published a story talking about you and your parents, and the-um, harsh history you have with them” She hands you her phone, said article already open.

“I think it’s better if you read it yourself” The bold letters blink up at you, clear and sullen.

“F1 DRIVERS UNCOVERED: THE REAL REASON WE DON’T SEE Y/N L/N’S PARENTS”

Your heart falls to your stomach and your hands start to shake as your eyes skim over the words of the most invading and overwhelming article you’ve ever read in your life. Whoever wrote this, wrote it in hopes of exposing every secret of your past, and further tangles the truth of an already over-complicated background.

The real reason your parents are never around you is a reason you hate talking about.

You first realized it when you were around ten years old, the way your parents never looked happy around each other, and always tense around other parents. The way they never said ‘I love you’ or kissed each other goodbye. It confused you, as these were the things you always saw your friend’s parents do, but you were too young to understand at the time, so you mainly ignored it.

It wasn’t until one night when you were eleven that you heard an argument erupting from your kitchen, one about money and divorces and you. The shouting continued for ages, until you heard one statement, loud and clear.

“Think about this, she’s getting good in those karting competitions of hers, and according to other parents she could go really far in this thing and get money from sponsorships and mentors. So let’s just give it a little time, make sure she gets better and gets paid, and the money will go to us and eventually she’ll leave to Formula- whatever and we won’t have to worry about her”

You put your pillow over your head, turned around, and went to sleep sobbing that night.

From then on, there was no ‘I love you’s’ or kisses goodbye even to you, and eventually, no happiness in your house. The ‘other parents’ were right, the older you got, the farther you looked to go in racing. Just before you turned 13, the three of you moved to a city in England so you could pursue karting further, and that’s when it all got worse.

You competed in countless competitions, and every race you won, the more criticism you got from your mom and dad. The second you stepped off the 1st place podium, your parents were waiting to comment on your driving and the techniques you should’ve used to win.

They never let you focus on anything but karting, letting you go nowhere but the track and to school, and made sure you were always looking for ways to get better. They ruthlessly compared you to kids in other series that were performing better than you, and countered every compliment someone gave you with a complaint.

All of this seemed like a dream compared to the treatment you got when you lost. Whether it be second, or tenth, every race you didn’t come first in was a loss, and your parents simply didn’t accept this.

When you lost, they’d make you practice on track for twice as long, no matter the weather, and berated you the second you started to complain. They limited your diet after your losses, claiming you needed to be lighter if you wanted the kart to go faster.

Your mother and father gave you this relentless attention with anything regarding racing, but the moment the topic drifted, you were neglected. There were no family dinners or movie nights, if you wanted something, you were going to have to buy it with your own money, and if you wanted to go somewhere, you needed to walk or find a ride because they refused to drive you anywhere if it wasn’t for a race.

There was no other family to go to even when things go impossibly rougher; you had no other relatives in the UK, and you couldn’t exactly ask your friends if you could live with them.

So you endured these conditions, all the way through the F4 British Championship, F3 and F2. You turned 18 while you were in Formula 2, and the second you did, you took the little money you had, and rented an apartment in South England, where you’ve been living ever since.

Your parents constantly contacted you in whatever ways they could, but you very quickly made sure they didn’t know where you lived and were never given paddock passes again. No one knows any of this anyway; when people ask where your parents are or when they’d get to meet them, you just shrug and say, “they couldn’t make it”

You haven’t seen your parents in person since you were 17, and you’ve done everything in your power to keep it like that.

Though with a few thousand words and 4 hours, one nosy journalist has managed to unravel all your work and growth and release it into the world.

You’re broken out of your stunned silence when Ally puts a hand on your shoulder. “I’ve set up a meeting with Alpha Tauri and Red Bull’s PR managers so we could figure out what we should do next to keep the press off your back, okay? The meeting’s in fifteen meetings, so I’ll leave you for a while”

Ally takes her phone back and exits the room to leave you standing still in the middle of it, astonished and speechless.

The meeting goes as well as you expected it to go. You shared as much as the truth as you saw fit, and came up with a statement to post with the rest of the PR managers. You were confirmed to go back to the media pen to finish interviews an hour later, and while no one asked you about the article, you could tell it was the unanswered question they all wanted to raise.

You are able to avoid most of the press of the remaining of the Italian weekend, and stuck to answering race-related questions only, your safest and only option, Ally told you later. You finished the Grand Prix P10, and flew home still sullen.

You spent the two weeks in between Monza and Japan in your apartment, regretfully thinking about all those years you had to spend under your parent’s treatment, and trying to forget them with simulator work.

You arrive in Suzuka, quiet and unsmiling, and try to ignore the shouting of the press that greets you on your way into the paddock. Ally guides you away as two new voices greet you.

“Hey Y/n, how are you?” Lewis asks, pulling you into a side hug and stepping into place beside you.

“Are you okay? You seem off” Charles says concerned, meeting you in a handshake.

“I’m fine, my flight just got in late last night so I’m tired, that’s all” You half smiled in response, hoping it was believable enough.

“Sure?” Lewis presses father. “Yeah, I’m okay” You nod.

“Okay, well, we’re still going into the city after media today?” Lewis asks. “Of course, I’ll meet you guys at my hotel after” You assure as you near the Alpha Tauri garage.

“See you then, and try to sleep a bit, yes?” Charles says before the two men walk off together.

Your friendship with the two drivers started because of the Spanish and British Grand Prix’s, the two races that gave you your two highest race finishes, and ended with two of your closest friends. Spain was a great race for both you and Lewis, yourself in P4, him in P2, and after non-stop talking in the paddock, you flew back to the UK together, effectively starting the friendship existing today.

You’d been friendly with Charles previously, but after his P9 finish in Silverstone and your P5 finish, he realized in a conversation before an interview that you were undeniably good at cheering people up, and you guys have been close since.

You’ve talked with them since Monza, of course, but not about the article. They want to talk to you about it, you can tell, but Charles and Lewis aren’t the type of people to just come right out and ask if you’re feeling okay about your history with your abusive parents being exposed to the world.

They also don’t want to pressure you into talking about something you clearly don’t want to talk about, so if all they can do is help distract you from the media, they’re going to.

Your night out with the Mercedes and Ferrari drivers does distract you; Lewis leads you and Charles to different shops and restaurants all over Suzuka, talking and laughing the entire time. You take a few photos along the way, and you go back to your hotel still smiling.

You kept your good mood until qualifying on Saturday, and are brought back into the reality of racing when you only manage P11. It’s technically not bad of a result for your car, but P9 or P8 would’ve been better right now, because all you can think about is what your parents would’ve said if you finished P11.

They’re paying you millions of dollars to race for them and the best you can do is eleventh?

You think you deserve to be here?

They are hundreds of other drivers that would do so much better than you

You are nothing compared to the other drivers

You’re lucky if you keep you seat next season, I know I wouldn’t let a P11 driver on my team

You go quiet at the thought, and get through post-race media stoic. You leave with your trainer as soon as you can, avoiding Lewis and Charles’s eyes on your way out. You have a week before you have to leave for Qatar, and spend a countless amount of hours on your simulator, hoping this time it’ll make a difference.

You flew into Lusail not knowing what to expect other than hot weather, and unfortunately you were right. You felt the heat as soon as you got in your car for FP1 on Friday and was already dreading the rest of the weekend.

You qualify P11 for both the race and the sprint, and end up in P12 for the two. You felt terrible after Sunday’s race, both physically and mentally, and you’re already berating yourself for your performance by the time you get weighed.

Charles and Lewis are in your post-race press conference group, and you can see them exchange a look after every cold and detached answer you give. You only stop to talk to your friends for a few minutes afterwards before you excuse yourself to go cool down, and leave minutes later with the defense of needing rest.

You fly back to the UK with Lewis, and you’re glad the two of you are asleep for most of the trip so Lewis won’t ask you to talk about why you’ve been so quiet.

The 10 days you have until you fly out to Austin are spent mostly on your phone, looking at all the comments people have been making about you since the article came out, saying how you probably deserved the treatment that you got, and how Alpha Tauri needs a more “stable” driver if they want to advance in the championship.

You don’t do much except exercise and train on the sim in those days, finding neither the desire or energy to do anything else.

Even though everyone is happy to be in Texas that week, you can’t find the energy to truly smile once that weekend. Charles and Lewis are practically stuck to your side, and even though you can tell they’re dying to ask you to talk about it, they only ask a few times if you wanted to tell them something, and when you denied, and simply offered companionship through silence.

It’s another sprint race, and you only pull off P12 and 13 for qualifying and the shootout, and drop a place by the end of both races.

You feel more frustrated with yourself than ever; you don’t understand why you can’t work with the car like you once used to, and you can’t even figure out how to again. You were doing so well until that fucking article came out, and all the sudden you don’t know how to drive.

The worst part about it is that every race, more and more people are realizing how you’ve been under-performing, and how people are starting to question your ability to drive for the junior Red Bull team.

You aren’t stupid, you know how things work at Red Bull, so you know that if you don’t pick your pace up soon, you could end up without a seat for the 2024 season.

This thought alone starts to destroy you, and soon you can’t even deny how burnt out you are. You pick up on the forced habit of not eating much, and making yourself to do nothing but train and look for ways to be better.

You spend the days before Mexico with data analysts and strategists, looking for any and every way to go faster. You dedicate too much time looking at successful F2 drivers, hearing Liam Lawson’s name come up too much for comfort, thinking about how Dennis Hauger had been looking fast in F2.

It’s a terribly unhealthy time killer, one that makes you look sick and go quiet. Charles and Lewis aren’t the only ones exchanging concerned looks now; multiple other drivers on the grid, friends with you or not, notice the change in your behavior and quickly grow worried when they hear Yuki’s description of you.

The drivers aren’t stupid either, they all know about the article that was published in September, and most of them would be lying if they said they hadn’t looked at it in curiosity. They’d also be lying if they saw their eyes didn’t widen in concern or eyebrows didn’t furrow with worry when they read how terrible your parents treated you.

The grid saw how the comments got nastier and nastier under your lessening social media posts every day, and even asked your PR officer multiple times to make sure she was managing your accounts and making sure you didn’t see what people had to say about your background or yourself.

They saw how you got quieter every race, how you stopped hanging out with Yuki and Charles and Lewis, no matter how many times they offered. They saw the rumors of you and your 2024 seat, how apparently Helmut Marko was paying close attention to you and the clauses in your contract.

They asked a lot, if you wanted to talk or if they could help in any way. It was always the same response; a weary smile, a small shake of the head, the words,“No, I’m fine, just tired” and an excuse that you were needed in your garage or media pen.

So they try to help in more discreet ways; when Yuki is asked about your position on Alpha Tauri or your future with Red Bull, he calmly assures that you are working hard with the team, and is doing everything possible to understand the car.

Charles, Lewis, and a few other drivers make a routine of coming to your driver’s room, most of the time just to sit with you as you look at data, or talk with you when you’re feeling up to it.

Mexico goes somehow worse than Texas, and you finish with your lowest result in F1 yet, P15. You try to be as approachable as possible in post-race media, but your sullen face gives you away.

You leave with Ally and your trainer to catch your flight to Brazil mere hours after you passed the checkered flag, and spend most of your time in Sau Paulo alone in your hotel room, replaying every hurtful comment either your mother and father or fans have said about you, and debating whether or not it was true.

You walk into the Brazilian paddock Thursday morning more grateful than you thought possible that this was the third-to-last race of your season.

And according to over twenty media sources, your third-to last race of F1.

After a public statement made by Marko talking about how Red Bull was “considering your future with their junior team” every journalist in the F1 community has decided that it means this was your last season in F1.

And honestly, you couldn’t find it in yourself to care. Whether you raced in 2024 or not, you just wanted to go home and avoid the press for three months.

It was another sprint weekend, and another terrible qualifying and shootout. You placed 15th in both sessions and kept your place in the sprint, and spent a quiet Saturday evening in your hotel.

You could feel almost every journalists eye’s turn to you as soon as you walked into the paddock on Sunday. You arrived early that afternoon to get some extra data-stuff done, only now realizing that it gave the growing group of reporters behind you more time to ask you questions.

“Y/n! Can you tell us about your future in F1?”

“Will you have a seat next year?

“Y/n, what does Helmut Marko think about your decrease in performance?”

“Does your past with your parents have anything to do with your recent race results?”

You try to keep your face emotionless as you make your way into the Alpha Tauri garage and to your drivers room. You prepare for the race with your personal trainer and look over the arranged strategies for Sau Paulo while you wait for the go-ahead to get in your car.

Due to all the crashed-out cars, you ended the race in P12 in front of Oscar Piastri and Daniel Ricciardo. Statistically speaking, it was one of your better 2023 races, but everyone knows if it wasn’t for all the DNF’s, you’d finish in the bottom five.

You know that everyone knows this because just before you walked into the media pen after your race debrief, you saw Christian Horner and Marko speaking to your team principle, and after Yuki’s P9 finish today, it didn’t take you even a second to understand who they were talking about with disappointed faces and multiple shakes of the head.

Sure, this could mean nothing. This could just be a conversation between the three people that control the top team and it’s junior team. But you also like to think you’re a bit smarter than that.

You walked deeper into the crowded area before the three could see you, and walked to the first open journalist you saw, in hopes of leaving early.

“Y/n, hi! Not too bad of a race for you today, I guess?” The man asked, pointing his microphone towards you

“Yeah, not too bad. The car felt pretty okay and there was a bit of pace, but not enough to overtake or anything, clearly” You reply.

“Can we expect more race pace from you in Las and Vegas and Abu Dhabi?”

“I mean, it’s a bit too early to tell, but we’ll hope and see what comes out out of the practices” The man nods before looking down at his notebook.

“And your seat for Alpha Tauri next year, we know you’re apart of the confirmed driver lineup for 2024 but Helmut Marko states that there are attainable clauses in your contract, what do you think about that?”

You’re caught off guard by the question, but right when you’re about to respond, the man continues.

“Surely, Alpha Tauri isn’t really considering keeping you for next season, are they?”

You’re standing in front of the man speechless now, your brain barely comprehending what’s being spoken.

“Because I know the last thing a team wants is an incapable driver that is too emotionally effected by her “traumatic” childhood to race,” the volume of his voice starts to increase, and other drivers are starting to focus on your one-sided conversation.

“I mean, c’mon, no one even believes that even happened to you, and if it did, your parents were probably right for doing it-”

Your hands are shaking, eyes are wide with shock, body suddenly freezing, and you don’t even think you’re breathing. All you can do is listen as this man goes on and on about how you’re a shitty driver and deserved how your parents treated you.

You’re only broken out of your trance when an arm clad in red wraps around your shoulders and pulls you through the paddock. You’re not even aware of the yelling from a certain Mercedes drivers gets quieter and quieter as you’re brought into your driver’s room.

You’re being sat on a couch, and suddenly Charles Leclerc’s face is right in front of you, hands on your shoulders and eyes filled with concerned. “Y/n? Y/n, look at me, please, Y/n-” Your eyes dart to him and in an instant, everything from the past five minutes comes rushing through your head, and you can’t stop the tears that start to fall down your face.

“Oh, Y/n” The Ferrari driver moves to comfort you, but stops as you begin to cover your face and move away.

“No, Y/n, it’s okay, please, let me help you, Y/n” Charles wraps his arms around you in a hug as your body begins to shake with uncontrollable sobs.

“I can’t- I can’t do this anymore, Charles” You say in between breaths.

“I have to quit or something, I can’t keep doing this Charles, I can’t” You let your head fall on his shoulder, as the man tries to calm you down.

Charles’ heart is breaking as he comforts his friend; he remembers loving his first few years in Formula 1, how everything was so new and exciting to him, he could never not want to race, not then and not now. But to hear one of his closest friends breakdown because of how much she hates being there, makes the man’s heart shatter.

The door abruptly opens, and for a moment, all you can hear is the low angry cursing of Lewis Hamilton, until he sees you and Charles, and his face immediately softens.

“Love, I’m so sorry. That guy is a complete arsehole, don’t listen to him” The British man says as he takes a seat beside you and wraps an arm around your shoulders.

“I don’t know what to do anymore, I feel so stuck in this place where everyone is always talking about what happened and I don’t know how much longer I can go through it” You say, your voice breaking off with another sob.

Charles hushes you once more, exchanging a worried look with Lewis as you pull away from him again. “I’m sorry, I know I should be doing better and everything but I just can’t-” You say, voice shaky through the tears.

“Don’t for one second be sorry that you’re not competitive right now. Y/n, thousands of people are talking about the one thing that hurt you the most, and I understand why you feel this way, just please, love, for your own good, let us help you. I promise it will make you feel better” Lewis assures, grabbing your hand.

So for the first time, you do. For over an hour, you tell Charles and Lewis everything that happened when you were younger, and how the article has made you feel since then. They listen quietly, nodding once in a while to let you know they understand, and gave you a hug when you stopped talking.

“Do you feel better now?” Lewis asks.

“Yeah, not entirely, but better”

“Good, that’s all I wanted to hear,”

“Are you ready to go home now? There’s a plane waiting for us, if you want”

“Definitely. I need to go home” You say as Charles helps pack up all your things and Lewis makes sure there’s a car waiting for you two outside. As you’re all walking through the nearly-empty paddock, Charles turns to you.

“I have to go back to my garage, but please Y/n, if you ever need to talk, call me? I want to help you, I don’t want to see you like this again” The Monegasque brings you into a hug.

“I know, Charles, I will” You promise.

“Okay, I’ll see you before Vegas, yes? Feel better!” He calls as he moves backwards and further into the paddock.

“You promise?”

Lewis asks you hours later in the front of the airport in England, just about to get into separate cars.

“Yes, Lewis, I’ll call when I need” You say to the older man in a hug.

“Alright, text me when you’ve made it home and make sure you get some rest. Don’t be too hard on yourself either, you don’t give yourself enough credit for everything you do” You smile at him.

“Okay, I’ll see you before Vegas?”

“See you before Vegas!” He shouts from his already-closed car door.

When you do see the two next, they make sure you’ve made an appointment with a therapist and are setting up a meeting with your PR manager to put together a statement in regards to your well-being the past two months.

Charles and Lewis make sure the media inside the paddock is severely monitored and checked before being allowed near the drivers, and help you fall back into healthier habits.

These changes don’t happen overnight, and they don’t take affect overnight, but you do use the winter off season to make sure these changes are helpful and working.

The three month break is utilized to mentally and physically prepare yorself in time for your 2024 seat at Alpha Tauri that was re-confirmed after your P8 finishes in Las Vegas and Abu Dhabi.

The media still knows everything, and you haven’t completely forgotten your childhood, you never will, but dealing with it still gets easier.

[vilsoo]

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during the bloodmoon on halloween, your werewolf boyfriend feels a rapacious urge to knock you up.

⚠︎ CW: established relationship, miguel in heat, rough sex, soft sex, marking, biting, possession, breeding, knotting, impregnating, degrading/praising, power struggle, multiple orgasms, 1980s setting.

𖤐 𝐎𝐂𝐓 𝟐𝟓𝐓𝐇: ❝ 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐒𝐇𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐄 𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐉𝐄𝐂𝐓 ❞ starring RYOMEN SUKUNA (jjk)

a camping trip you planned with your friends turns out to be a total nightmare, all caught on camera…

⚠︎ TW: suspense, horror/thriller themes, gruesome murder, gore, ritual sex, demon sex, satanism, sadism, betrayal, teratophilia, size kink, double penetration, plot twist, ib the blair witch project (1999), 1980s setting.

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SATURDAYS 🍷 the depths of hell fall on this dark and gloomy city bound to corruption and sin, known as the devil’s playground! lurking within the streets beholds the prurient reigns of terror that which may also arouse parkland guests…

𖤐 𝐎𝐂𝐓 𝟓𝐓𝐇: ❝ 𝐃𝐈𝐍𝐄 𝐎𝐍 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐓 ❞ starring NANAMI KENTO (jjk)

with you and your boyfriend being a regular at this fancy restaurant, the owner became very fond of you…

⚠︎ TW: cannibalism, chef/restaurant owner nanami, poisoning, murder, infidelity/cheating, eventual smut, kitchen sex, unprotected sex, jealousy, dark obsession, slight stalking, gore, mutilation.

𖤐 𝐎𝐂𝐓 𝟏𝟐𝐓𝐇: ❝ 𝐁𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐊 𝐌𝐘 𝐌𝐈𝐍𝐃 ❞ starring WILLIAM AFTON (fnaf)

as the new intern and your boss developing a dark obsession over you, he feels the need to corrupt you…

⚠︎ TW: dubcon, mind control (glitchtrap virus), sadism, murder, psychological abuse, manipulation, predator/prey dynamic, implied age gap, degradation, eventual rough smut, mentions of vanny mask.

𖤐 𝐎𝐂𝐓 𝟐𝟔𝐓𝐇: ❝ 𝐁𝐄𝐀𝐔𝐓𝐘 𝐈𝐍 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐌𝐀𝐂𝐀𝐁𝐑𝐄 ❞ starring CHOSO (jjk)

accidentally bringing a girl back from the dead may have been horrifying, but falling in love with her..?

⚠︎ CW: horror/romcom themes, implied necrophilia (NO intercourse), college au, accidental ritual, romance, mentions of murder, suggestive smut, inspired by lisa frankenstein (2024) and corpse bride (2005).

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FOR OUR HALLOWEEN SPECIAL . . . not only are you immersed into the stories of our attractions, you get the real experience of being a parkland guest having a fun time at Horrorland with friends! but as thrilling as it all sounds, there are many scandals and articles of what really goes down…

𖤐 𝐎𝐂𝐓 𝟑𝟏: ❝ 𝐀𝐑𝐄 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐋𝐎𝐒𝐓, 𝐏𝐑𝐄𝐓𝐓𝐘 𝐆𝐈𝐑𝐋? ❞ HEADLINE: PARKLAND VISITOR CAUGHT HAVING INTERCOURSE WITH A SCARE ACTOR!

flirting has become a common fear response when encountering hot masked scare actors chasing you at halloween events. this scandal covers a parkland visitor fawning over the hot scare actor in the Deathgasm haunted house, König, resulting in them flirting and sneaking off together…

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⚠︎ 𝐁𝐞𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐦𝐚𝐲 𝐛𝐞 𝐭𝐨𝐨 ����𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐬𝐞 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐤𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐠𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐢𝐬 𝐍𝐎𝐓 𝐫𝐞𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐝 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐨𝐫𝐬. 𝐇𝐨𝐫𝐫𝐨𝐫𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐞𝐱𝐩𝐥𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐝𝐚𝐫𝐤 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐞𝐱𝐭𝐫𝐞𝐦𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐦𝐞𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐦𝐚𝐲 𝐛𝐞 𝐭𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐠𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠. ⚠︎

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𝐀𝐋𝐋 𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐊𝐒 𝐁𝐄𝐋𝐎𝐍𝐆 𝐓𝐎 𝐕𝐈𝐋𝐒𝐎𝐎 © 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟒. please do not steal my kinktober prompts/works/themes! reposting any of my works outside tumblr that minors can access is strictly prohibited. will be cross posted on my ao3 soon.

[mercurycft]

𝐋𝐄𝐓 𝐌𝐄 𝐆𝐎 — 𝐀𝐖𝐅𝐂

## awfc x teen!player reader - TRIGGER WARNING !!

therapy is expensive but tumblr is free. i love you all - PLEASE READ THE TRIGGER WARNINGS!! APPLY AFTER THE BREAK. THANK YOU. love always - RG x

tw self harm, suicidal thoughts, angst, foul language, anger, anxiety, depression talk.

please put yourself first. do not read this if you feel like you can’t. thank you.

——— 1.1k words

it didn't hurt, didn't burn.

it didn't feel the way you remembered it to.

it numbed.

you were hot, far too hot. the heat pricked at your skin and tormented the skin of your cheeks - now tight and sticky as your tears dried. the tiles were cold beneath you, pressed up against your legs from where you slumped on the floor.

the dull ache set in as a backdrop for the muffled voices just a few rooms away. you were pleased to hear them still occupied by whatever crap was on the tv - pleased by the possibility that you could slip away without causing a disturbance.

nothing phased you anymore. instead, the scrape across your skin soothed the fire raging in your mind. it calmed your beating heart and pushed away the anxious bubble in your throat. it silenced your sobs and subdued the race of your emotions.

you didn't know how long you had been there, laying limp on the bathroom floor. in some weird way that helped, not knowing whether time had stopped or sped in your determined absence. you didn't care for time anymore, constantly torn on the ability to have more or have less. time, that is. are you an avid hater of time or a waster? did you need less or want more?

the last time you were here, you remember it was quick. short and sweet, cleaned and sorted before you had the chance to long for more. this time, however, you were quite content.

finding comfort in the chaos of your thoughts when your weight shifted, head back against the bath as you drew in a shaky breath. your eyes grew heavy in the peaceful quiet of your own personal refuge from the monstrosity of life - the life that sat on the other side of the door.

you recall memories fondly, a weak smile pulling at your cracked lips. you recall your friends, family, the people you've met and the lives you have changed - it was never enough. never enough to dismiss the disgrace that followed you. it lurked in the shadows and clung to your back like an infection - sucking the nutrients straight from the source until you were a shell. left to decay under the ever-unforgiving eyes of the universe.

you were drifting, politely fighting with consciousness as your fingers twiddled with your poison of choice. the cold of the metal dancing with your shaking fingertips. the paint from your work splashing the blank canvas of the floor - decorating the space around you with a vulgar display of your wilting petals.

'it'll be okay,' you whisper into the space surrounding you, voice hoarse as it grumbles from your throat. you were at ease as your body became weightless, right hand fighting the exhaustion as it raised perpendicular to your left wrist. unforgiving, relentless.

your body didn't argue, embracing the sting when you felt it. humming contently at the final contact before your eyes became too heavy under the iridescent lights. your arms fell to either side of you, overtaken by the tiredness that crept through your bones - intoxicating each muscle until they couldn't take anymore.

this is fine, you think. mind finally quiet - no longer buzzing. this is fine. you hear the small clang of metal to the floor, internally amused as it bounces and chimes.

you can't hear beyond your breathing now, too focused on the shallow inhales as your lungs fight to stay useful - working overtime.

two minutes, or two hours, you weren't sure. unaware of the approaching patter of feet towards the door. a soft knock is what brings you back momentarily, still grasping onto the last strands of your being.

"y/n? did you fucking fall in" katie. she has a nice laugh, you think.

she knocks again. confused by your lack of answer, concerned by the eery silence that sits waiting to greet her beyond the wood. she knocks a third time, and the silence spreads and engulfs the house. the silence was soon interrupted by the approach of more feet and bodies towards the bathroom. you can just about make out the pounding of their knocks through the ringing in your ear.

beth calls your name. no reply.

caitlin shouts about a prank. no reply.

the ringing eventually overpowers their hollering and you let the darkness behind your eyes take you. peace.

outside your almost lifeless body, away from your slack limbs, the door opens with a crash - creasing invertedly on its hinges when lotte throws herself against it. the frame split in half at the lock when it's forced out of position.

you can't recall anything after that.

you come to for a moment in the back of caitlin's car, leah sat with your head cradled in her lap and beth with your legs against hers. your eyes stir, unable to make out anything other than the throb behind them. the stab through your temple and the sting of pressure against your wrists.

leah can feel you tense beneath her and halts her shouting of directions to sweep your hair out of your eyes and study your face. the blue tint to your lips and lack of colour through your cheeks, her stomach sinks as she watches your eyes flutter.

"it's okay, sweet girl, we're nearly there." she whispers with no reply, voice cracking with a silent cry as a tear slips from her waterline. shes quick to wipe it away when she feels your head droop again.

beth has her own hands wrapped around your wrists, tea towels stained with the life from your veins by the time they arrive at the hospital. she's squeezing, keeping the pressure consistent under the order of lotte who whips her head round from the front seat every couple of seconds - careful to not distract caitlin from driving. katie's voice is coming through the car, her, alessia and viv following behind.

lotte is out of the car as soon as it stops, sprinting towards the double doors and assembling help. sobbing and gasping for breath as she directs nurses and doctors to the car parked across an ambulance bay - unbothered by the glares of passersby.

you're surrounded by people, doctors, nurses - anyone who can provide an extra set of hands. each helping to pull you carefully from the car and carrying you into the hospital.

you can't speak, can barely here and can't feel your body by the time they got you in a bed and rushed you through the halls. your friends, your people stood watching them take you away through a set of double doors. parts of them shaded by you - beth's hands. leah's lap. lotte's shirt. caitlin's arms.

silence fell upon them. the world standing still when you disappeared into the depths of the hospital. they shared the moment, a breath. no words exchanged. just knowing touches - a shoulder clash, a patting hand.

you don't pay them a thought - unbothered by their fading presence. instead, your internal monologue tried to shout above the noise of your bargaining. let me go, you beg. silently. to no one. maybe to life - maybe to death.

let me go.

[amberjazmyn]

decade 💔🥹

pairing : f1 grid x driver!reader

summary :  aston martin driver elouisa holland is great at keeping her composure in front of the judgemental and ruthless eyes of the formula 1 media circus. that is until she gets asked about why she only has her mum and siblings at her races but not her dad even though everytime she did speak about her dad, it was positive. those who knew why her dad wasn't present at races were worried for how elouisa would respond until the room fell silent when she explained since they clearly couldn't understand or recognise the tense in which she spoke about him. 

warnings : mention of parental death, dark humour, f1 grid press conference, driver x female!reader, platonic x f1 grid, driver reader x max verstappen

a/n :  i have to admit, this was slightly self-indulgent because, fyi, my own father died a decade ago this year and this is exactly what i feel like i'd respond with if someone asked me where my dad was if i talked about him in such a positive light and them not recognising the tense in which i spoke about him. and, also, yes, i have elouisa as an aston martin driver because, no hate but, i'm not the biggest fan of lance stroll so he's just not part of the grid and elouisa is instead but all the other drivers are still in the grid though with a special guest appearance of sebastian vettel. 

it wasn't a shock to find out that the media circus involved with formula one was invasive and sometimes brutal. asking questions that people would think would be off-limits from asking however, within f1, no question was off-limits since there were no secrets within the sport. not even questions about personal matters like their families or their love lives since majority of the drivers had relationships that whilst weren't technically secret but on the private side and other personal matters in their life were safe from media scrutiny. things that didn't even relate to being a formula one driver would be asked instead of the more important questions like how they felt about their car or how the race itself went. and of course, because of these nosy reporters who always wanted clicks and the best and juciest headlines, all the drivers on the f1 grid was put through some form of pr media training so they'd always have the perfect response that would also still give them some privacy as well as preparing them for the harshest of harsh questions without lashing out and gracefully rerouting the conversation back to the original topic of racing. so, if they were responding to a question that was quite invasive and teetered on the line of a privacy violation, they didn't give too much away and they weren't giving the reporter the exact response that they so desperately wanted. and, most of the times, it worked perfectly and the drivers hadn't had their whole lives being plastered over the internet. however, for the first time, elouisa holland's pr training did not come and save her because no matter how hard she tried giving the intrusive reporter her pr media trained responses, he still wasn't satisfied and kept on pressing her for a better answer then the one he had been given. 

so, because of that, she decided to tell the truth and it was a hard truth that would also make many people uncomfortable but, elouisa had been pushed too hard and too far and unfortunately, it was with the entire f1 grid around her alongside the nosy reporters. who most of them already knew the unfortunate reason why her dad wasn't seen around the paddock during grand prixs and why whilst she always spoke lovingly of her dad, she always spoke about him in the past tense. and that was because elouisa's dad died when she was only eleven years old when she was still karting alongside some of those who she now shares the f1 grid with. 

however, that's not how the press conference started. it had actually started as an amazing group interview with all of the drivers, all twenty of them, all bunched up together on the teeny tiny couch. all of them giggling and making jokes with one another and the interviewers and the moderator. elouisa was sat in the middle of red bull's max verstappen and ferrari's carlos sainz jr, verstappen on her right and sainz jr to her left. the three of them were giggling amongst each other and it was during that moment of the three of them giggling that the invasive interviewer, a man who was like at least a couple decades older than elouisa, asked her the one question she had always managed to skirt around giving a proper answer and avoid. 

however, the moment her head looked away from max and carlos and over at the interviewer, it was as though she already knew what question he would be asking. and that was before she had even lifted her head up and before he had even opened his mouth to say anything. 

"you always speak about your dad in such a positive light but we never see him around the paddock or at any of the grand prixs. if he's so great and so loved by you, then why doesn't he make any effort in supporting his daughter in a sport that for so many years, was male dominated and still is considered to be. as the only female driver on the grid, it has to upset you that majority of the drivers have their entire family with them to support them but you don't. especially with the consideration that you are actually quite a talented driver and really getting up there in the status of a legend. but, this is something you always avoid and never answer properly so why are you always talking so happily about your dad but when you get asked why he's never here to watch you drive, you always avoid and deflect, why is that?" elouisa should have prepared herself better but, she genuinely thought reporters were getting bored of asking this question because of the fact she always avoided it

however, this crusty old man was persistent and it seemed as though by his stance and the look on his face, that he wasn't going to back down until he got the answer he desired. but, of course, elouisa wasn't going to back down either so, she started to respond with the same old, media trained answers that she had always used every single time. 

"my dad and the reason why he doesn't turn up to races has no connection to where i am now as a formula one driver. this isn't a question you would ask to someone like max or to charles so why am i the only one being questioned on this topic other than the obvious that i'm a female and they're men? if you have a better question that is actually in relation to this weekend's grand prix, i will happily answer it but, any other non-related grand prix questions, will be ignored, thank you..." elouisa trailed off, placing the microphone in her hand back into her lap as she smiled over at max who gave her a worried look

elouisa knew that the guy was going to keep on trying, it was obvious. however, she didn't want anyone to notice just how bothered she got when people constantly asked about her father and why he was always mentioned but never seen. 

like mentioned before, she was eleven when her father died. and for the longest time, after the death of her father, it was as though her life went by ever so slowly. she wasn't sure how she was still alive because she never really remembered much from ages eleven to eighteen since those years just culminated together all into one. of course, she liked to say that she was the happiest she had ever been from her formula 2 days in 2020 and onwards but, everyone knew she was still struggling deep down. since the loss of her father, she developed an anxiety disorder that was then rediagnosed as ptsd since panic attacks would always strike the australian girl at the worst and most inconvient of times. however, they never bothered her when she was racing or in interviews which she always thought was suspicious considering just how much more dangerous formula one racing was then anything else that she had going on in her life. at eighteen, she made her formula one debut with torro rosso even though it was only just for that debuting performance. after debuting with torro rosso, she moved to renault and then alfa romeo within the same year since the two teams fought over her, spending one half of the year with renault and then the other with alfa romeo. then, aston martin contacted her for a multi-year contract which she couldn't turn down as they had been renamed and brought back after changing their name from racing point to aston martin. and because they knew alfa romeo were never going to keep her for longer than the second half of her rookie season. and in late 2021, elouisa would be the number one driver of aston martin alongside fernando alonso. 

even though elouisa seemed to smile a lot in regards to talking about her dad, it always killed her a little inside because she always spoke about him in the past tense, reminding her of that solemn fact that, her dad was truly never going to come back. no matter how many times she wanted to forget or pretend that his death was just a mean prank that went too far. of course she did. how else would she talk about her dad who was no longer walking the earth anymore? besides, it had accidentally become a habit that she never wanted to get into in the first place. of course she wished her dad was still alive. it was the same for her best friend, charles leclerc, who drove for ferrari. his dad had also passed away but charles was a lot older, he was nineteen and a year away from getting his formula one contract. so he knew the very pain that elouisa went through every single day when she would look and see the other drivers have both of their parents be present for them at every race. it was something she had always longed for and even sometimes loathed her mum for. she had always wanted her mum to fall in love again and when she didn't, it made her slightly hate her mum for not wanting to try to love someone new again just because she was afraid of the same thing happening again. it hurt elouisa to see her mum just blantly ignore her children when they begged and cried out for more than just their mum. only their youngest brother a mummy's boy. the rest of the siblings obsessed with their dad which caused four of the five siblings way more grief from the loss. 

it brought a painful ache into elouisa's heart every single time she remembered the words she said moments after the death of her dad had been announced. the first thing that fell out of little eleven year old elouisa's mouth was 'when am i getting a new dad?'. and even though she was now twenty-one, it was still something that haunted her every waking hour knowing that those were the first words that came out of her mouth. she was eleven, not a baby, yet she was still so clueless about death being final. that death meant the person wasn't going to come back. and now that she was older, she understood why little eleven year old elouisa said what she said. she said those words because she never wanted to be living a life without a father in her life. whether that was her biological father or a father that stepped up and fell in love with her mum and her five children. 

however, that never happened. elouisa's mum never fell in love and it was still something that elouisa would pick fights with her mum about. calling her mum selfish because she's too scared to fall in love again. reminding her that she can't stay miserable forever and that it's not a crime to try again and give her family the stability that they've been missing for the last decade. 

blinking back the cruel truth of elouisa's life, she was pulled back into the press conference as the intrusive interviewer asked her the question again, "i'll ask you again, why are you always avoiding questions that involve your father's obnoxious absences from the races? if a father loved his daughter so much, he wouldn't be avoiding all of her races so where is your father and why are you avoiding answering questions about his whereabouts?" the interviewer asked sharply, waiting for the moment elouisa would crack under the pressure he put her under 

everyone just watching in wait. the drivers beside her all holding their breath as they never truly knew how elouisa would respond or react when asked about her dad. whether she'd laugh hysterically and insert dark humour jokes, in a bid to cover up her uncomfortability. whether she'd cry because it was a day in which she really missed her dad. or if she'd just be nonchalant and continue to ignore the interviewer. however, this time, it was clear that elouisa was equipped with the perfect answer. the answer that no one was ready for because of how brutally honest and uncomfortable it was. 

giggling under her breath, it seemed to excite elouisa that she could finally throw away all of her pr media training and just make this absolute asshole of an interviewer uncomfortable, "sir, i have a question for you, do you have a dad?" elouisa starts as the interviewer is shocked at getting questioned himself but he quickly recovers and nods his head 

"yes, i do, elouisa, why?" the interviewer questioned as elouisa smirked, her plan was working as the drivers looked at her slightly worried - max holding her hand moreso for his own comfort than hers 

"well, when you talk about your dad, which tense do you talk about him in? present or past?" elouisa questions as the interviewer was still confused but not those around him as they all went into a solemn silence 

"present? i don't know, why are you asking?" he huffed, his arms crossed over like a child as elouisa giggled once again as she shook her head 

"okay, good to know your dad is still alive and kicking, sir. i say that because, if any of you interviewers really did your job and did it well enough, you would have picked up on the tense in which i use to speak about my dad..." elouisa trailed off, her head turned to the side as the other interviewers bit their lips in a bid to not make any noises of shock as they finally realised the way in which she spoke about her dad when she did talk about him 

however, this stupid man didn't. he didn't make the connection because it was always this one interviewer that always asked and asked and prodded but never actually paid attention to what was being said and how it was being said. he only cared about his intrusivity being listened to and responded to so he could get the content and reactions he needed for his big stories. 

"...okay, and? what's the tense in which you speak about your father got to do with this question that you always avoid?" the interviewer questioned in slight stupidity as elouisa sighed, her eyes rolling as she reaised she really would have to spell it out for him 

"fuck me...sir, if you were slightly smarter and actually paid attention to the things i post on social media on days like birthdays and annviersaries and why i never respond to your abhorrent questions, as well as paid attention to anything that is seen on my racing helmets, you would know that my dad has been dead for an entire decade...that's why no one in this interview pen has seen my dad except for the other current and former drivers on the grid because when i was eleven, i was still in karting. at eleven, i hadn't even realised that i wanted to reach formula 1 let alone any of the others. if you paid enough attention instead of focusing on the disgusting and intrusive questions to write your big story about, you would be knowledgeable in the news that my dad's dead, mate. like, he's dead dead. like he's so dead that i don't even think i can remember what he sounds like anymore..." elouisa trailed off as the entire press conference fell silent except for some of elouisa's giggles and the clicks of cameras and the one filming the press conference live 

after finally getting the response that the interviewer so desperately needed, he gulped back in embarrassment. his entire face went red and his mouth fell into a straight line as though someone had zipped it shut. he didn't know how to respond and elouisa found it hilarious. she loved when she shut down the ignorant and intrusive reporters because they always reacted the same exact way that this interviewer was reacting. but, it didn't take long before the interviewer then started to try and save his arse. 

"...i...i'm so sorry. i...i didn't know that your dad..." he stammered as elouisa held her hand up, making him stop talking and he did, however it was max's voice that spoke up next, not elouisa's

"...cut the crap, mate. it's obvious you're not truly sorry because if you were, you would have stopped intruding the first time elouisa avoiding responding to your inflammatory questions! if you were that good of an interviewer as you boast to be, you would know that constant nagging isn't going to get you the answer you long for, it's going to end in the same way this press conference has ended. with a driver being pushed to their limit and giving the truth that you so wish for in the most uncomfortable and confronting way possible because you just couldn't stop prodding and poking for a response. but, well done anyway i guess, cause you got what you wished for, right? you now know why elouisa's dad isn't seen around the paddock even though elouisa still talks about him," max was not playing around, he was furious as were the rest of the drivers on the grid but, no one could see the steam that was billowing from the ears of newly retired f1 racer, sebastian vettel 

sebastian had retired but he was still as ever present around the paddock when he was able to be. and at this grand prix, he just happened to be watching the press conference from the very back with nico rosberg, former f1 driver now journalist and they, nico and sebastian, were pissed. the both of them had seen elouisa holland grow up and see how she went through her life without her father present and how it devastated her. how the grief was always ever present around her when she did everything. if these pesty journalists actually did their jobs and paid more attention to things, they would have seen the very clear memorial that the aussie girl has in honour of her father on her helmet in the same way carlos has maria di villota's red star on the back of every one of his helmets or the way charles always pays tribute to his father and godfather, jules bianchi. if they had just noticed these things, they wouldn't have needed to ask these questions but, they probably still would have because they loved to prod and try to break down the only female on the grid to test just how mentally strong she was up against the male drivers. they always did it on purpose because they wanted to prove that girls shouldn't be allowed in formula one and elouisa was their scapegoat every single time. however, this time, elouisa knew what they tried to do and she wasn't going to allow them this time. 

and that made both sebastian and nico proud of their girl. it made the entire grid proud of their girl. they knew from the beginning that elouisa was not the person to mess with but, people still tried yet, as the saying goes, you fuck around and you find out. and this time, this particular journalist did just that. he fucked around and he found out and he wished he never fucked around. and since max let the interviewer have it, it seemed as though he, elouisa and the rest of the drivers were no longer interested in finishing the press conference so they all stood up and, in solidarity for their fellow driver, they all walked out of the press conference. leaving the poor moderator, who was the sweetest guy in the world, all on his own in a room filled with reporters, having no clue what to do since this was being filmed live with no way of editing or cutting anything out. unless the camerman just decided to cut the cameras entirely before moving onto the rest of the grand prix weekend. which, is what the camerman decided to do anyway. the press conference had begun to drag a little too long and it was no longer the light, fun and easy-going press conference that it had started out as. 

as the drivers left the press conference, a breath of air just seemed to evaporate around them. what were they meant to do now? they couldn't remember what was next on the agenda. then, out of nowhere, elouisa bursts into incontrollable giggles. and, this of course, confused the others because how on earth was what just happened that funny? but, they knew not to question her so they also started giggling and the awkwardness just went away. 

finally, elouisa calmed down as she rested against max, "...mate, the look on that old dude's face when i told him that my dad was dead dead was hilarious!" elouisa sighed with the biggest smile on her face - the purest of trauma responses as the other drivers looked at her 

"it for sure stumped him from saying anything else, that's for sure!" lewis chuckled softly as he shook his head as elouisa nodded her head 

"it was supposed to! i said it for that exact reason! i wasn't going to sugarcoat it since it wasn't the first time old mate was begging for my response and he finally got it!" elouisa shrugged her shoulders as max sighed and pulled her closer to him 

"and that's why i love you, elouisa!" max hums with content as elouisa doesn't fight against max's embrace but embraces it and moves closer to him 

"why thank you, maxie! at least someone's not afraid to say it!" elouisa giggles before she stops as she feels the way the looks of the others change from the momentary joy back to sympathy 

elouisa wasn't normally one to get upset over her dad. because, right from the get go, she would always talk about him and she would be able to do that without crying. it was something that actually confused many people because they couldn't believe just how poised she was when she'd talk about her beloved dad so quickly after his devastating loss. how could she not? her dad was her hero, the reason why she even got into motorsport and why she was now a formula one driver even though he would never live long enough to see it. he still had the belief in his daughter that she could make it. that was why she had made it clear that her entire racing career with formula one would be dedicated to her father. but, when it did get quiet within her head and she did get upset about her dad, she knew she could go to any of the other guys in the grid and they'd be there for her to hold her as she fell. 

that was when the very distinct memory of driving on the anniversary of her dad's death and winning popped into her head. 

ʚ✩ɞ

"...elouisa, i don't want to freak you out considering today's already been an emotional day but, with ten laps left, you are in the lead. max is a whole lap behind you with carlos. fernando is near the back with valtteri and logan. so, you just keep on pushing, okay baby? you keep on going and you get that win, alright?" elouisa's radio engineer's voice crackles as elouisa's breath gets shaky 

"thank you! i'm pushing now!" elouisa breathes out before a quick "over" is heard and it's once again quiet between elouisa and her radio engineer 

it was the italian grand prix. not only the home race of ferrari but also the home race of elouisa holland who is an australian-italian f1 driver for aston martin, born and raised in australia to italian parents which meant that she could claim both the australian grand prix and all the italian grand prixs as home races. and, that's what she did. however, this time, this italian grand prix in monza was the most important home race for elouisa. it was the first time that she was in the clear running for a podium finish. but, not just any podium finish but a win. so, that's what elouisa and her team at aston martin were vying for at this italian grand prix. and right now, without even realising it, since she had been swamped by grief and agony of the memory of it being the tragic passing of her father, elouisa was inching closer and closer to getting her first ever italian grand prix win at monza.

elouisa doesn't really realise what's going on because she's so dazed and taken out of the joyus moment but, she knows somewhere deep down inside of her that she's finally snagged a win at one of her home races. celebrating with her radio engineer was supposed to be joyful but it was as though she wasn't even in her body. it was as though she was having an outer body experience and watching it happen. she hadn't even realised that she had driven her car into the parc ferme and in front of the p1 placard. so, it took max, who grasped second place and carlos in third place to help her out of the car and take her helmet off that she started to come to again.

"...elouisa! you did it, you won!" max smiled, his helmet also off as his hands squeeze the girl's cheeks as she looks at him with bulging wide eyes in shock 

"what? no...no i didn't!" elouisa stammered, she was sure max at some point had overtaken her but when she turned to look at carlos, he shook his head, also smiling wide as he joined max 

"yes, you did, hermana sister!" carlos rubbed elouisa's back as tears welled in her eyes, she couldn't understand why or how she had even won a race on a day as agonising and grevious as the annviersary of the death of her beloved dad

"then why don't i feel happy or excited?" elouisa's voice cracked as max and carlos remembered, their eyes sullen 

they hadn't forgotten what this day was or the feelings it brought up for their best friend. how could they forget? they grew up with elouisa and her family. of course, they were on the older side of the grid but, they still grew up with elouisa in the same way they grew up in similar circles to the rest of the drivers on the grid. so, they knew and remembered the exact time on this specific day that they got the news that elouisa's dad had died. it was devastating for all of those in the karting and motorsport world because elouisa's dad was well-known and very well loved. and because he was so involved with it, it had come as a huge shock that the news had come out during a karting championship that elouisa was actually participating in alongside george russell, alex albon and oscar piastri. and, exactly like today, on the anniversary of her dad's death, on the day that it was announced her dad had died, she had also won that karting championship, having no knowledge that at home, her mum was grieving over the loss of her husband and the father of her five children who were all at the karting championship for elouisa. 

maybe that was why whenever elouisa won on days like anniversaries and the birthday of her dad, it never felt happy or exciting. it always had a tinge of sadness because it was another win that he would never get to witness and be apart of. nor was it a trophy that he would be able to  see. so, getting this win at monza was equally amazing for elouisa and aston martin but it was also agonising that it was yet another win that would never be seen and celebrated by and with her dad. maybe that was why her mum had slowly started to stop from coming to races. she couldn't bear to see her little girl on that podium, winning races, without seeing both of her parents there watching. max and carlos could see that the grieving girl was ever so slightly starting to breakdown and they hated it so, they didn't hesitate. pulling her in for a hug, they pulled her closely and held her tightly. the formula one commentators mentioning just how sweet it was that even though they were rivals on track, as soon as they got out of their cars, they were best friends and were there to take care of one another. they also hadn't forgotten what day it was that the italian grand prix managed to fall on this year so, they couldn't do anything else but pay their respects and send their love to elouisa and the rest of the holland family.

  ʚ✩ɞ

"...hey, you okay, schat darling? you went off somewhere, you back with us now?" max giggles softly as elouisa blinks, looking max in the eyes and nodded her head 

"yeah...yeah, i'm fine, sorry. yeah, i was in fairyland for a little bit. i'm sorry, what were we taking about?" elouisa mumbled as she leaned further into max's protective hold as max smiled 

"don't apologise. and whatever we were talking about before doesn't matter anymore, what was going on inside your head? where did you travel off too?" max's voice softened as he got the two of them to sit down on the couch, the other drivers following suite as elouisa scoffed softly 

"my first win at monza...on dad's anniversary..." elouisa trailed off as max nodded his head, the other drivers smiling softly, understanding how agonising that was for her 

"...why's that schat?" max wondered, he remembers that day like it was yesterday and it haunted him at how elouisa was so hollow and as though it wasn't her controlling her body that entire day

"it's a cruel reminder that it's now been a decade since he's died and i still forget that he's never coming back even when i win races..." elouisa whispered, tears that hadn't been shed since that podium, rose in her eyes as her lip trembled 

"...you can cry, lieverd sweetheart." max whispered and that was all that elouisa needed to hear before the tears tumbled down her face as max hugged her close to his chest, her hand covering her face, the other one wrapping around max's middle

the rest of the drivers weren't sure what to do. so they just stood awkwardly, feeling bad for their teammate that her breakdown was most definitely caused by the extremely persistent and abhorrent interviewer from the press conference. that was until lewis led the rest of them out by loudly announcing that they probably had better things to be doing than awkwardly watching max and elouisa. and, max and elouisa both would thank lewis for that later on in the day. not because the other drivers were being ignorant or rude, but it was uncomfortable to see their best friend and teammate cry and not know what to do other than just stand there awkwardly. they for sure could have gone in for a group hug and hopefully used that as a way to maybe make elouisa let out a croaky giggle but, they didn't want to push it or make her feel worse. so, with lewis in the lead, they all left the paddock and allowed max and elouisa to be left on their own. knowing and trusting that max would do everything in his power to get elouisa back to the elouisa they all knew and loved again. 

and it wouldn't take too much longer before max was able to dry elouisa's tears and get that smile back on her face. followed by a shrill giggle not too long after he got her smile back. sure, it was a painful reminder that her dad was gone but, he was never forgotten. no matter how many decades went past since the loss of her father, elouisa would always dedicate the rest of her life as a formula one driver to him. because he was the one that truly believed that his little girl had it in him to have what it took to become a formula one driver. 

fin

ok this ending was shitty and awful but, whilst i was rewriting an old one-shot that is once again max focused, i had this idea so i decided to write it before i forgot it. and this is what i had come up with. and yes, some of what is written in here is what i've through with the passing of my own dad. the truth starting with that, this year, october 2024, it will be an entire decade since my dad died. meaning that exactly like elouisa, i was also eleven when my dad died as i am now twenty-one. which means, it's getting to the point where i've been remembering him for longer than i've known him and that honestly kind of shatters my heart in a way that, by next year, 2025, he would have been dead for the exact same time as he was in my life and that just doesn't sit right with me for some reason. however, because it hasn't even gotten to ten years yet, i shouldn't be thinking about that just yet! and, another thing that is true that i've included in this story is that, not that long after it had been confirmed by the paramedics that my dad was dead and had stopped responding to cpr and defibrilation, i had said to my mum "when am i getting a new dad?" and, i cannot say that i am proud of that statement. it is truly something that haunts me everytime i remember that i said those words. i was just so confused and had no clue what was happening because everything had happened so quickly that those were the words that just tumbled out of little eleven year old amber's mouth.  i was also originally diagnosed with anxiety but then earlier this year, it was rediagnosed as ptsd because of how severe the anxiety within the ptsd was. so, yes, like i said in the author's note at the start, this was a very self-indulgent fic. i hope i didn't make anyone depressed but if i did, i promise i'll help pay for your therapy

[unwishablestars]

Hi I’m not sure if you take this type of requests and if you don’t you can just ignore it. Could you do Cassidy, Hanzo, Genji, Lifewaever and Mauga (not sure if you writ for him) comforting their s/o after they got rescued from being kidnapped. Can you also add that the s/o was pregnant but had a miscarriage due to the kidnapping? If you don’t want to add the last bit that’s fine.

Thank you. 😊

I failed

Pair(s): Cassidy x Pregnant!Reader | Hanzo x Pregnant!Reader | Genji x Pregnant!Reader | Lifeweaver x Pregnant!Reader

Genre: Angst , Hurt/Comfort (little comfort ngl)

Word Count: 1.3k

Tags: Headcanons, Angst, Miscarriage, Multi-Character, uhhhhhhhhhhhhh

TWs: Miscarriage, Kidnapping, Angst, Mildly-described violence

Summary: Cassidy/Hanzo/Genji/Lifeweaver's partner get kidnapped while pregnant leading to reader's miscarriage.

A/N: HIIIII ANONNNN!!! Thank you so much for your request!<3 I'm really sorry about the delay since life got in the way a bit :( And sorry I don't write for Mauga cuz idk how yet--- fresh hero ykyk</3 I hope you like this though!! Sorry for the delay again :(

Cassidy

Even before joining overwatch Cassidy was already a pretty wanted man due to him being part of the dead lock gang

And it never really changed when he joined overwatch

Though this time he wasn't a criminal but he was still in a dangerous field, but you always loved him because you've seen him in all the ways he loves you.

He was swooned when he met you.

One cheesy love story later, BOOM, you're preggers.

Whether you were a civilian or an agent, Cassidy WILL NOT let you get involved with his work while pregnant.

So he was absolutely distraught when he couldn't find you in you're shared home.

He walks through the door calling out for your name, ready to pamper you for the night, only to get no response.

Suddenly, he sees the signs of struggle. Knocked over furniture, thrown books, and just a general mess of your home

He is frantic.

Starts yelling your name, running around the house trying to look for you. "..Fuck..FuckfuckfuckfuckfuckFUCK"

After a few hours, they eventually locate you. They waste no time at all.

The plan was simple, (maybe even too simple), just get you out of there. Unharmed.

Cole, with worry and adrenaline as strong as ever, finds you tied to a chair. Crying, distraught, and bleeding.

Now you lay on the base's medic bay, face showing numbness as you learned the news of your baby.

Everyone had left after attempting to comfort you. All except for you lover.

He held your hand as he felt a familiar pain of loss, holding back tears, he just wanted to make sure you knew you weren't alone. And that he is so sorry.

"Darlin.. fuck.. I'm so sorry.. I was supposed to protect you. Our child.. it's my-- I'm so fucking sorry, love. Please.. please don't hate me."

Of course you didn't hate him. But too exhausted to speak, you brought his hand up to your cheek and weakly said "Just.. stay.."

"Darlin.. I will never leave your side."

Hanzo

Hanzo has been hiding in the shadows and constantly on the run for years. Alone. Until you, of course.

You offered to give him a place to stay after seeing him about to doze off sitting on a bench in the park

"No, it's fine. I'm just resting." He was literally about to pass out--

He had eventually opened up to you after much persistence and kindness, and grew incredibly fond of you.

To him, you brought him peace.

For a while, he tried to lessen contact with you as to avoid any conflicts with the people searching for him.

But he was conflicted when he found out you were pregnant. He did not want to leave your side but he also did not want to endanger you, especially in this state.

After some reassurance, he agreed to stay and take care of you.

He had hoped he would lay low enough that not only would he have to worry about your safety but also be able to be a present father to his child.

But when he came to your shared home and the door wide open, he fuckin lost it.

Frantically looking for you in your home, swearing all sorts in his home tongue didn't solve the issue.

He couldn't find you but he did find an envelope containing you're whereabouts.

They've been planning this for a while, how long were they watching him? Why did they only strike when you're health was so critical.

Hanzo was livid realizing this.

He headed to your location and found you tied to a chair, sac over your head, in a dimly lit warehouse

He knew it was a trap but ain't no way he would let anyone put a finger on you.

After being roughed up himself, (but ultimately beating the shit put of a of em) he took a look at you and saw the bruises, the scrapes

and the blood down there

he held you close, forever blaming himself for what happened

Genji

Genji and you met during your time in overwatch while they were in their prime

He was emo back then but you liked that,

And when he realized he liked you're unconditional admiration, he liked you too.

He didn't admit it of course, neither to himself nor to you but whatever.

Years later, Winston sends the recall.

And he was pleased to find out you had come back,

With a new mentality, a new acceptance of himself, and a more open acceptance of your love.

This time he made the first move, trying to act smooth like his pre-overwatch days, but his stuttering and nervousness gave it away though.

He was worried you'd remembered him as the angry and vengeful man he once was, but you saw who he was deep down

Which is the exact reason why he fell in love with you.

Eventually, after feeling a bit of morning sickness he urged you to go Mercy or Bap or anyone to help you get better.

Only for you to find out you're pregnant.

You stayed away from missions for a while as Genji requested, at most doing paperwork and helping a bit around the base.

But when the base was suddenly attacked, Genji pinned, yelling at you to stayed back.

You tuned out his pleads and gripped your weapon to help the father of your child.

And you did, but you were knocked out and taken away. He was too weak to reach you.

They immediately set out to rescue you, fully aware of your vulnerable state.

Though they had insisted for Genji to heal up first, through his broken visor, he shot them a glare that wouldn't stop him from saving his love.

After finding you in a cell, bruises all over in a weakened state, unconscious, he carried you back to the ship and held you close, eye getting watery.

You woke up in a hospital bed in the medbay, the first thing you notice being the ache your body feels, and the pain in your stomach.

Then, you notice your lover hold you close and tight.

Followed by the sorrowful looks of the doctors.

They left to give you two some space.

"I'm.. so sorry.. please.. forgive me.."

With tears in your eyes, you held each other close, never wanting to let go again.

Lifeweaver

You had worked alongside Lifeweaver in his development of biolight,

He loved having you at his side.

Soon he took you dates, brought you gifts and food, too show appreciation.

Not realizing he was indulging in his growing love for you.

After giving him some clarity of his feeling with a bold kiss, you two were inseparable, even more than before.

After you had missed you're period, you showed your lover the positive test and he way beyond joyful.

He always urged you to rest and didn't let you lift a finger. He didn't want you to be stressed or worried, he saw such beauty in you.

But those you wanted his biolight saw opportunity.

He was out buying food for you and his future baby but he came home to an open door, silence, thrown trinkets and portraits.

In his panic, he wondered whether or not he would need to contact his family. Or Satya. Or Baptiste. Anyone.

He received a video file on his desktop.

Asking for the acces to his biolight as well as the information to it's creation.

He was shaking, he wasn't strong enough to fight them on his own, he needed help. He needed you. Please come back to me.

He cannot wait any longer. He caved. Only for you. And for them.

He had sent all the information they needed. And as breathed heavily on his knees. He heard a vehicle arrive at his estate.

He hurried out, even almost tripping in the process, he needed to see you were okay, that you were both okay.

He saw you being lead to the front gate, and the abductors lackey walking back to their vehicle.

Giving him a face of no remorse.

As he held you in his arms once again, the look in your eyes had told him everything.

You two stayed there. Just feeling the comfort of what you two still had. Each other.

[gigisriley]

you should go read oh silent god on ao3. for no reason in particular (CLICK THE IMAGE I HATE TUMBLR GRRRRR)

[luclfrog]

Hoshikaf art dump part TWO !!!

I accidentally deleted the canvas and this drawing along with it 😭 all I have left is this shitty low res screenshot so I'm hiding it

[whimsiandwild]

Pairing: Astarion x Female!reader; Former Gortash x Female!reader

Word Count: 1400

Triggers [PLEASE READ]: Mentions of past abuse, panic attacks, PTSD, verbal abuse, implied non-consensual, hurt/comfort, some fluff at the end.

A/N [PLEASE READ]: So, this is coming from a very personal place upon some revelations I've had today. It's heavy so please don't feel obligated to read it. And please, please don't read it if you are triggered by any of the above; I know how hard it is to deal with this stuff on a daily basis and never want to be the cause for anyone. To anyone who does read it, thank you <3

“Tav, are you alrighht? What’s wrong?”

Icy fingers on your shoulder made you jump, grabbing the offending limb and shoving it off. Spinning around, Astarion grabbed the top of your arms to still you. The concern on his face had never been more genuine.

“Darling, are you sure you’re okay?”

“I’m fine.”

Your smile didn’t reach your eyes and he frowned, taking your hand in his and linking your fingers as he led the party into Wrym’s Rock. He knew something was wrong, and that it had something to do with the man you’d all been summoned by, he just didn’t know why. Gods, you’d always hoped you’d never have to tell him.

There had been telltale signs that he’d recognised as the two of you grew closer, similar things that occurred in him when a particularly awful memory of Cazador resurfaced. He’d asked about it, but you’d always told him it was nothing. Just a bad memory you didn’t need to dwell on. And you hadn’t, not really. Sure, the trauma attached was still there but you could handle it, you had for years. But then you’d seen him before the fight with Ketheric Thorm. A man you’d hoped to never see again, now being ordained archduke of Baldur’s Gate.

The guards showed you into the ceremony hall, your hand sweating in Astarion’s grip as you began the long walk down the aisle; it felt like a lifetime, a force beyond your control forcing your legs to move. You couldn’t look up, feeling bile rise in your throat as you stared at the carpet. Everything you’d worked so hard to forget was coming back to hit you full force. You wanted to hurl, and cry, and scream, and run away. Mostly, you wanted to hurt him. Hurt him the way he’d constantly hurt you, but you knew that was a line you’d never be able to cross.

“Well, well, well. Look what’s been dragged back into my home.”

Your legs almost gave out beneath you, his voice still as charming and alluring as ever, your free hand clinging to your vampire’s shirt sleeve. Astarion had become more than a little concerned by this point, Lae’zel and Gale flanking the two of you.

“Still as ignorant and disobedient as ever,” he scoffed, and you felt Astarion tense beside you, your grip only tightening in an attempt to keep him by your side. “Look at me when I’m speaking!”

Without a moment’s hesitation, your head snapped up and you were staring into the all too familiar eyes of Enver Gortash. Still handsome as ever, and with that vicious glint in his eyes that always occurred when he looked at you, at his property.

He’d been Enver Flymm when you’d first met him. He hadn’t been the most loving of partner’s, but he showed it… in his own way. Soon, however, he got lost. Then Enver Gortash was born. An abusive tyrant who had put you through hell until you’d finally managed to escape. You could still remember that nigt. The way your wrists had bled as you’d tried desperately to break free of your restraints, the painful swelling around your eye and the deep gashes along your legs. The scars seemed to flame against your skin at the memory.

You couldn’t speak. You couldn’t breathe. Why was breathing so hard? How was everyone so seemingly fine? Astarion was staring at you in bewilderment, worry etched into his furrowed brow. You didn’t know what to say, couldn’t think of the words to convey the fear that was threatening to bubble over any minute and make you run screaming.

“Your manners clearly need improvement,” Gortash sneered, his hard, cold gaze never leaving your cowering figure. “Now, it seems we all have some things to discuss, regarding all this ridiculous Absolute business. However, I have a ceremony to begin. You will stay and watch, won’t you, kitten?”

The use of the old pet name he’d used to degrade you was enough to finally break your resolve. Bursting into tears, the last thing you saw as your companions dragged you away was his smug, arrogant smile.

His hands were everywhere. You tugged at your hands but, as always, the bonds were tight and unbreakable. Panic began to flood your veins as he grabbed at you too tightly, bit too harshly, moved your body too roughly. And there was nothing you could do but lay there and let it happen.

“I don’t see why you’re being so difficult, kitten. You’re normally much more compliant.”

Tears leaked from the corners of your eyes and wet your hair, shaking your head in denial. He was lying, you knew he was, but it still caused the same guilt and shame to flare up it always did. He was always so good at making you believe you were the problem, the one who’d done wrong. He’d done it so many time you almost believed him.

With a sharp tug at both your knees, he spread your legs as wide as he could, the sudden jolt of pain shooting up your thighs making you cry out in agony. One hand freed a leg but you weren’t brave enough to move it back. He used his now free hand to run against your core, smirking as he glanced in satisfaction at the slick on his fingers.

“You filthy little bitch. All this protesting and you’re already dying to have me.”

“Enver,” you begged, your lip trembling as he towered over you suddenly. “Please don’t.”

“Shut up!” he shouted, making you flinch and look away. He gripped your chin and forced your tearful eyes to stare at him. “You’ll take it, and you’ll enjoy it.”

You struggled against him as he lined himself up, screaming as he entered you with no care in the world for your wellbeing…

The screaming got louder and louder to your ears until you realised you’d screamed yourself awake, along with your poor partner. Astarion was bewildered as his hands cupped your wet face in an attempt to calm you. You were panting by the time you’d realised you’d been dreaming, your heart close to breaking out of your chest.

“Darling, what happened? What’s wrong?”

“Oh gods… he…. he-!”

You sobbed into your hands, unable to finish your sentence as he cradled you, embracing you for however long you needed him to. Eventually your tears stopped falling, though the ache in your chest wouldn’t fade, no matter how hard you tried to rid yourself of it.

Astarion was more quiet and patient than you’d ever remembered seeing him. He was clearly deep in thought, and you didn’t want to disturb him. Instead, you wrapped yourself around him and enveloped yourself in every aspect that was him. He was your safe space, and you needed to relish in that right now.

“I have to ask, darling,” he said quietly after a long while. “This Gortash,” He all but spat the word. “Did he… did he treat you as Cazador treated me?”

Nodding, you buried your face into his chest as his grip on you tightened. You were relieved he hadn’t asked you to elaborate; you didn’t think you’d ever be able to speak out loud the horrendous things that man had done.

“Tav, please know this, and know it to be true,” His fingers tilted your chin so you were gazing into his liquid crimson eyes. “If he comes near you again, if he merely looks at you, I will rip him to pieces, revive him, and do it all over again. You never need to tell me details; I’m sure I can understand well enough; but know I’m here. I won’t let anyone hurt you like that ever again. I… I love you, darling.”

Breaking down, you let him hold you for the rest of the night, your head on his chest as he comforted you with words of love and soft touches. Sniffing, you dried your face, and sat up on your elbows, staring down at him.

“I… thank you, Astarion,” you whispered, pressing a hard kiss to his lips. “I love you.”

He said nothing, just flashing you that charming smile of his before he pulled you back to him, holding onto you like his livelihood may depend on it. You stayed like this for as long as time would allow, and you’d never felt safer.

[lemongogo]

trying 2 be normalabt dunmesh but its im like

[jujutsukgojo]

Lack of obedience

Summary: Unfortunately, Zenin completely slipped your mind. He was never on it to begin with. How were you supposed to know that your interaction meant something? Or that he would remember you, someone who he met once several years ago?

an: this is inspired by Stalking Laura (1993) which is a movie based on a true story. So, there are notable similarities that this has with the movie. tw: gun violence, stalking, assault, sexual harassment, criticizing makeup and weight (implied?), misogyny

All it took was one meeting. One look for you to immediately come to the conclusion that Naoya Zenin is repulsive. He’s nothing but an insecure joke. For someone who claims he’s strong, he sure as hell is worried about it. Hiding behind a macho facade that is practically leaking out a fragile and overinflated ego; shoving his ideals about women and not giving a damn about humanity or humility.

  It began when your parents went over to the Zenin household when you were about ten or so years old. Even at that young of an age you marveled at the Zenin’s house. Truly, it’s a beauty. Elegant and traditional without it being outdated. As you were admiring the house and walking in the garden, a boy with blond hair with dark ends appeared behind an elephant statue. 

  You ignored him and walked past him. He didn’t like that at all. Immediately, he yanked you backwards and pushed you against the statue. “Women should walk three steps behind a man.”

  You gasped at his sudden action and opinion. Feeling petty, you look around. "Where's a man?" He looked aghast, shocked by your quip. What did he expect? He just pushed you into a statue and believes that women should walk behind him. Did he think you’d take that easily?

His lip curls and eyes fill with rage. His face changed to red.  “You bi-”

You quickly cut him off before he can finish. “If you’re talking about yourself, then I’ll remind you that you weren’t even walking.”

  Just like that, he stopped. What you thought would be this random boy going off on you ended up with him giving a scowl. You took the opportunity to run away. He called out for you only to find silence.

  Throughout the visit, the boy stared at you intently. Following his eyes, his father, Naobito, introduced him as Naoya. Even when his father spotted Naoya's attention on you, Naoya still insisted on studying your every move, making you too nervous to enjoy your meal. Your mother noticed how tense you became, and in a whisper, she asked, "Are you okay?"

  Everyone turned to look at you. Despite wanting to out his staring, you shake your head yes. It's not that looking at someone is cause to get him in trouble, it's the way he's doing it. Like he wants to hurt you. 

  So busy looking at your hands, you don't notice that the adult to your left had switched seats at the boy's request. The adult cooed and awed, complying to his request. It isn't until a plate of cake is put in front of you that you notice the change. "You're going to eat this with me."

   His father laughs at it and...cheers? The newly greying man slurs his question, reeking of alcohol. "Growing up to be a man so soon?" 

The adults laugh with him, praising how well he's developing into "someone to take charge" and is a shining hope for a family. In the corner of your eye, you see him smirk with a twinkle of pride in his amber eyes.

It all goes over your head but doesn't sit right with you. You look at the plate in front of you. Although you love a good dessert, you don't touch it. The evening continued on without you picking up on his growing curiosity, rage, and infatuation. 

  Of course, you parents talked about the prospect of the two of you together. Apparently, they noticed him eyeing you from across the table and how "smitten" he was. You simply answered, ‘no’. 

 That was the last time you talked to or about him or any of the Zenins. As the years went on, your parents worried about your future and marriage. You brushed them off time and time again, much to their irritation. It got to the point where they were even threatening to cut off your college fund for it. Needless to say, you left. No one gets to decide shit for you. 

  With the help of some friends and a caring teacher that you remained close to, you were able to have a temporary shelter until you could get on your feet. It took months of saving and odd jobs but in the end, you were able to get assistance for college. 

  It was all liberating. Working hard and thinking for yourself. Being free without being proper or worrying about a stain or two. The blood, sweat, and tears were all worth it. Years later, you graduated at the top, opening hundreds of windows of opportunities. 

  Unfortunately, Zenin completely slipped your mind. He was never on it to begin with. How were you supposed to know that your interaction meant something? Or that he would remember you, someone who he met once several years ago?

     You woke up in a good mood, having dreamt of memories, strangely. You remember how excited and nervous you were when you got hired at your job. Leo, your boss, is a boisterous and kind man who's larger than life. Despite this, he is stern in his rules and direction. It makes you chuckle on how your first day went exactly one year ago. After only a few minutes after meeting you, he decided to 'manifest’ that you'd get a higher position. Now, a higher position is open, and you are one of the people who are thought to be considered for it. Of course, you aren't banking on it. You've only been there for a short time and there are plenty of people who have more experience and do an overall better job than you. 

It's nice to be thought of for the job even if you aren't really up for it. Not officially, at least. However, you have worked hard for a better position. 

  It's only been a year when you got hired and met all of your friends. At work, you clicked with Yuki, a woman with a gorgeous smile and has goddess braids that she herself put in (she made sure you knew that). When you first met her on your first day at work, she took an immediate liking to you. She talked animatedly about her dress for her sister’s wedding. As it turns out, Yuki does not like pink taffeta.

 

  “It’s like she’s trying to make me ugly! Look at this. This is what I’m supposed to wear.” Her slim fingers scroll through her phone for you to see a bubblegum pink taffeta dress with one sleeve on the shoulder and lavender lace on the waist. The dress is form fitting until the bottom fluffs out in magenta tulle. 

  “Oh my God.” Lord, help her this is ugly. “Exactly! I’m not wearing that, screw it.” You pop a french fry in your mouth. “So, what're you going to do?”

  Yuki stops for a second then puts a wicked smirk on her glossy lips. Her mocha skin glows in the sun from the window behind her. Her eyes gleam mischievously. “Wear a wedding dress.”

You nearly choke on your food. “Yuki!”

“She’s doing this on purpose. Look at the other bridesmaids.” She shows you four silk, Grecian like, gowns with subtle and elegant designs. “See? And I get stuck with that.”

   You chew on your burger. “Could it be a joke?”

“No. Not unless my mom’s in on it which wouldn’t surprise me. She’s always been like that with us.” Yuki sips on her pop. 

  “This may be bad advice but go for it. Be the belle of the ball.” She laughs. “Yes, yes, yes! I knew there was a reason I liked you.” 

 Now that you think about it, yesterday was her sister's wedding if you remember right. You wonder if she went through with it. 

You stretch and get ready for work, looking forward to the possible talk you'll have with Leo about the promotion. Not only will you be accomplishing a goal, but you'd also get higher pay which would make Em, your roommate, happy. 

  "Morning, Em." She gives a light wave, clearly not fully awake yet. Confused, you look at the clock. "Shouldn't you be at work? It's seven."

"Hired a morning worker, remember? So, I shouldn't be working at four in the morning everyday thank God."

"Amen." You say and start making coffee. Although she is the owner of an excellent cafe, you usually make the coffee in the morning. It's your way of giving her a break from it even if only for a moment. You start to lightly chuckle as you notice the green jar. 

"Don't you even think about it. I'm serious!" Em warns. You shake it a little. "You don't want decaf?" 

  She puts her hands on her hips. "It's seven in the morning. I need the hard stuff." You put the decaf down and grab the regular. "I wanted the hard stuff, too, remember?"

Em looks at you questioningly. "When I applied for the apartment? You served me decaf."

"Ha! That's the same jar too." 

The house was of a decent size and clean. The outside didn’t look like much but the inside was decorated nicely if not a little quirky. In front of the entrance is a rug that looks like the carpet in The Shining. A clock on the wall in the shape of an apple, throw pillows of different designs and some look homemade. The paint on the walls is different in each room. Could she not decide on which color?

  “Alright, where are you from?” The woman who is about your age with long hair asks. Her eyes are warm, and she has a few freckles. They’re cute, you note. 

   “I wasn’t born here, if that’s what you mean. I was raised in Kyoto though.”

  She nodded, taking in the information and understanding your wording. You don’t want to talk about that. Lucky for you, she’s easy going and aware. “Okay, I get it. I don’t like thinking of that shit either.”

  You look around the kitchen, secretly looking at the corners and the trim, wondering if you’ll see anything. So far, there isn’t a big hitch. “What’s the catch?”

  She hums and looks up at you. “It’s a little too good to be true. I mean, sharing a house for this price?”

  She scratches her face. “No catch. My old job helped me keep up the place, then I got fired and was able to finally get my cafe together.” She takes a breath. “I make enough now to not rely on my savings so much but not enough to pay for and take care of a house.”

   You nod. “I get it. Y’know, getting started late.” You truly understand. After high school, it took you a hot minute to get to college and get hired for jobs. 

“Exactly. Everything is overwhelming so I decided to risk my life and take my chance on a potential serial killer. Anything to save a buck.”

   “If it helps, I’m not one. I’m quite normal,” You shrug. “Terribly, boringly, normal.”

She pats the counter in an upbeat rhythm. “How unfortunate. Coffee?”

  She holds a pot. “Sure. Thank you.” As she finishes pouring you a mug, she looks up at you. “It’s decaf by the way.”

You stop mid sip. “Why would you do that?” You make her laugh to herself. 

“By your reaction, I already like you. You’re quiet but a go-getter. Don’t sell yourself short.” You don’t touch your decaf again. 

Em scratches her head. "That shit's got to be expired, toss it." She stops scratching and studies you. "What made you so nostalgic this morning?" That's a good question, honestly. "There's something in the air, I guess."

"Well don't bring that shit over here. It's way too early to think about my past, hell. I need something a little stronger than coffee if that's what we're doing." You roll your eyes at her. "No, Em, that's not what's happening."

  You pour her a cup and place the cream and sugar before her. "It's possible that I get that promotion, y'know? I'm not fully qualified but it's possible. I'll be making more money..."

"That reminds me, your half of the rent is due." 

"Em! I'm serious." She nods. "I understand what you're saying," Em looks at the clock. "Can we table this? We both have to get ready." 

As you exit your car and walk into the building, you notice a familiar looking vehicle. For the life of you, you can’t place it. So, you ignore it and continue on. “Good morning, Rue.”

  You wave at the receptionist who has the phone against her ear. She gives you a quick wave before exasperatingly answers whatever was asked over the phone.

  “Ah, (L/n). This is the new hire, Naoya Zenin.” The name sounded so familiar to you. His hair is distinct, and eyes are very catlike. You can’t pin it, but you know him from somewhere. The little tick in your mind is pushed back. If you can’t recognize him then it doesn’t matter. 

  The man pats Leo on his back. “Transfer. Nice to meet you.” He shakes your hand with a firm grip. “So, I was about to give him the tour, want to join?”

  “Leo, I already know my way around.” Your boss looks at you incredulously. “I distinctly remember you having to ask for directions to the bathroom.”

  “Fine.” You scoff, a little embarrassed that he knew that. Leo leads the tour. Naoya asks questions about the departments and officials. Leo answers with ease then adds, “Then again, you aren't in this department."

  "You misunderstand, I am not in a department. I am the future CEO." Your eyebrows raise. Leo copies your expression sticks and his hand out. "Oh, well, nice to meet you!" 

"Did you not know this, Leo?" You whisper to him. "No, one of the higher ups asked me to. I didn't think anything of it." 

 The transfer pays no mind to you. You didn’t get the vibe that it was intentional though. You break off and head to your cubicle. From the corner of your eye, he studies you as he and Leo walk away, with Leo explaining the company in his usual light tone. 

  “I did it!” Yuki runs up to your cubicle. “What?” 

She pulls out her phone to show her selfie she did in a stark white wedding dress in a bathroom. The dress was studded and had a mermaid silhouette and a sweetheart neckline. In usual Yuki fashion, her makeup was elegant and had a dramatic lip stain to her full lips. 

  “I can’t believe you went through with it…” She slides through the photos. She had the gall to take a picture of her throwing peace signs as her sister cries in the background. 

  “Hey, you told me to!”

“Oh come on. You were planning this before I…well, encouraged it.”

“Uh-huh! See!” You roll your eyes at her flamboyant demeanor.  “Anyway, I didn’t stay long or was dramatic about it or anything.”

  You side eye her and raise a brow. “Really?”

“I wasn’t! I felt too much like a lady. Look at me with my opera gloves.” She points to one of her pictures in her gown.

   “Since you weren’t dramatic, do you think your family will take that into consideration?”

“Nope. My mother sided with her through it all and my dad then walked me out.” Yuki and her father are close. So, to have him escort her out must’ve hurt a little. “He said I looked pretty then he shut my car door.”

  “Are you okay?” You whisper, noticing that her gaze went a little far. She blinks multiple times and lightly slaps her cheeks. “Yep! Oh, here’s Junie the other day!”

  You respect her wishes to drop the subject and go on to coo at the image of her daughter, who shares her name. Rather than calling her Yuki as well, it was decided to just nickname her Junior. 

---------

 At lunch, you, Yuki, and a few others decided to go to a small mom and pop pizzeria. It’s small and dingy but by the Lord in heaven, they make excellent pizza. Per usual, you argue about the toppings. No one can make up their mind or compromise. You groan at the thought of ground beef being on your pizza with no cheese. 

   “Rue, I swear to God-” 

“What? I’m lactose intolerant!” 

  The chair next to yours scrapes, causing you to look up at the transfer, Zenin. “We’re getting separate pizzas. It’s the easiest way, don’t you agree.”

 His tone and words rub you the wrong way. Getting separate personal pizzas is an easy route, but how he worded it sounds wrong. Like he’s telling you. Rue raises her brows in a welcomed shock. She elbows Yuki, who is still looking at the menu for her toppings. Your friends might see this as a turn on, but it’s off putting.

   Leo joins the group and explains that he and Zenin were at lunch when they were told that you and your friends went to the pizzeria. The waitress looks at you. “Crap…” You look over the menu, having forgotten what you wanted. Unexpectedly, Zenin pipes up once again and orders for you. 

  “We’ll share. It’s on me.” Zenin tells you. “Thank you. You didn’t have to do that. Seriously.” 

“Hear that? It’s on Zenin!” 

“Should’ve got extra toppings…” Rue whines. 

   Thirty minutes after random conversation, the pizza is out. Zenin puts a slim slice on your plate. 

You’re in mid bite when he talks to you. “It's a fitting size for you." What the hell? 

"Meaning?" You talk to him lowly, not drawing attention from the rest of the table. He shrugs and answers, "Meaning, it's the right size." 

That didn't clear up shit. 

-------

  Since Em has decided to hire new staff and use some of her extra time with music classes, you hang out at her cafe alone. As you sip on your drink and read a book, someone takes a seat in front of you. You perk up and look up at the person. You end up meeting Zenin's cat like eyes. You are still unhappy and uncomfortable with how he acted at lunch a few days ago. 

  "What're you reading?"

"A book." You cross your legs. He sighs like he's dealing with a child rather than an adult who just wants to be left alone. "Did you not like the pizza?"

"Barely remember it since it was basically bite sized." He scratches his ear. "I only did that because Rue said you were insecure and watching your portions. I was just trying to support you."

That never occurred to you. It's not like you hate yourself or think low. You're just trying to watch it. "I'd appreciate it more if you didn't do that." 

He freezes for a second. "Me doing and saying that must've come out wrong. Let me buy your coffee." You shake your head no, denying his request. "It's fine. I already paid."

 “No, no. I’ll get your money back and pay for you. My treat.”

You stare at him blankly. Honestly, you have no idea what the fuck is going on. “I already paid. I don’t want you to.”

  “It’s the proper thing to do.” He lightly grabs your arm, rubbing circles on it. 

You scoff. “I don’t want you to pay. Think of it as a thank you for covering the pizza.” You get up and leave. There is something deep that’s making you flinch as you walk away from him. This dread and anticipation from a predator. 

  “Stop, don’t be dramatic.” You whisper to yourself, shaking away the feeling. There’s nothing to be weary of. This is a colleague, for crying out loud! Not some man in a white van. 

  You don’t tell Em what happened at her cafe since it was nothing to worry about. At least that’s what you tell yourself. Through the night the encounter ran through your mind. For some reason, it’s not leaving.

-------

  Nevertheless, you head on and go to work the next day. 

You enter your office thirty minutes before your time. You flick on the lights and see Naoya sitting in your chair with a coffee in his hand. He gets up and gives you the warm drink. You notice that it’s warm, not hot. 

“What are you doing here?” Figuring that it may not be best to come off as accusatory or aggressive, you ask him with a smooth voice. “Well, with that report coming up, I guessed that you’d show up early,”

   He spots something on you, staring intently at it. Naoya isn’t the most imposing man physically. What he lacks there is replaced in his demeanor and behavior. Naoya touches your face.

  “Women shouldn’t wear so much makeup. It’s unbecoming.”

“What I do is none of your business, Naoya.” His eyes darken ever so slightly then clear up. 

“Just be careful. People might get the wrong impression.” He touches your chin slightly. His eyes move to your lips and wipes them with his thumb. You stop breathing. You want to jerk your head away and fight but God…

 “Enjoy the coffee.”

You can’t stop shaking.

-------

At lunch, you tell your friends what happened. “What?”

“Yeah. The coffee was warm, too.” You tap your foot. 

  Rue smacks her lips. “So what? He thought you liked warm coffee.” She takes another bite of her sub. You rub your temples. “No, I mean he was there for a while. It wasn’t warm like hot but lukewarm. He was there, in my office, in the dark, without my permission. He was waiting for me.”

   The two of them stop eating. Speak of the devil and he’ll appear, the man walks in with a group of his colleagues. You couldn’t help but glare and make an annoyed face. Yuki points it out first. 

  “Honey, if you keep staring at him like that he won’t pay for your coffee anymore.” She says teasingly.

  “I say take advantage of it, personally.” You roll your eyes at Rue and turn to Yuki. “That’s what I’m hoping for.” 

Leo comes up to your table. “What are you three clucking about?” You scoff at the man who seems to never get rid of his smile. “Rude. But to answer your question, (Y/n) over here has some news.”

  Rue, you discover cannot hold water to save her life. Suddenly, he gets serious after she spills. 

“You can take this up with HR. They can take care of this.” You sigh. “Don’t worry, I can handle him.” 

After work, you head home. Nothing’s different or out of place in the routine. The neighbors still wave at you and the dogs still bark. Em isn’t at home, like normal at this time. Everything seems fine. 

  You get out of the car and lock it. Before you can even take the first step, another car pulls up. It’s sleek and black, clearly expensive and well taken care of. Out of the car is Naoya. You can’t hide the shock from your face. 

He followed you home. You didn’t even see him.

He comes stomping towards you with a cup in hand. “I assume you didn’t drink the first, right? Here. Since you’ve acted like a brat all day and need coffee to behave.”

   “This is seriously inappropriate! What are you doing here?” You don’t take the coffee from his hand. “If you don’t take it, I’m not leaving, I swear to God.”

  You take it hesitantly. It’s iced and is slowly melting. “Since you don’t know how to act, I’ll have to teach you. Lucky for you, I’m a forgiving and patient man.”

  He pulls out a folded piece of paper. “Read it. And drink.” He turns around and leaves you and slams his car door.

Dear, 

When I provide, let me. It is not an option to deny a protector his darling and for you, my Summer sweet, to reject what I give.  This letter is for you to know that the innate primal instinct is forever in your name even though you disrespected me. 

Nevertheless, I will be here. Let me show you what a man’s supposed to do a few times. Denying an advance of a beautiful relationship speaks volumes of your pain that I wish to heal. One date at a time, one night at a time. All that is needed is your obedience. 

  “This letter…baby this is a threat. It’s…what’s the word? Crazy? Obsessive? You have to do something about this.”

“Rue said something about his position that worries me. His superior is his father. He’s got me over a barrel.”

“Yeah, he seems like a spoiled ass. What's this about your obedience? A night at a time? The guy’s a pig.” She tosses it on the counter. “This man can’t be reasoned with. He followed you home, broke into your office, followed you to my cafe-this is serious!”

  You know that. You know that this guy is growing scarier. “I can handle it. I’ll tell him to leave me alone.”

“Baby, he asked you out in a threatening letter. Love? Being a provider and protector? This is insane. You have to tell your boss. Go to HR, something.”

“Leo knows of how he’s acting. But he’s out of the loop about Zenin following me home,” You walk through the kitchen for a mug. “Besides, HR is going to think we were together! They won’t believe me. Not when he’s sitting in a fancy chair that daddy gave him. I’ll handle this.”

"Why would HR think you're together?" She puts her hands on her hips. "Because it's a romantic poem-"

"There is not a damn thing romantic in this trash. At all." She rubs her face. “What’re going to do? All you did was not drink a coffee and he followed you home and wrote a threatening letter. This is serious!”

You pour a cup of coffee, not even wishing for the one Zenin gave you. “I can do this. Trust me.”

--------

At lunch, you tell your friends what happened. “What?”

“Yeah. The coffee was warm, too.” You tap your foot. 

  Rue smacks her lips. “So what? He thought you liked warm coffee.” She takes another bite of her sub. You rub your temples. “No, I mean he was there for a while. It wasn’t warm like hot but lukewarm. He was there, in my office, in the dark, without my permission. He was waiting for me.”

   The two of them stop eating. Speak of the devil and he’ll appear, the man walks in with a group of his colleagues. You couldn’t help but glare and make an annoyed face. Yuki points it out first. 

  “Honey, if you keep staring at him like that he won’t pay for your coffee anymore.” She says teasingly.

  “I say take advantage of it, personally.” You roll your eyes at Rue and turn to Yuki. “That’s what I’m hoping for.” 

Leo comes up to your table. “What are you three clucking about?” You scoff at the man who seems to never get rid of his smile. “Rude. But to answer your question, (Y/n) over here has some news.”

  Rue, you discover cannot hold water to save her life. Suddenly, he gets serious after she spills. 

“You can take this up with HR. They can take care of this.” You sigh. “Don’t worry, I can handle him.” 

After work, you head home. Nothing’s different or out of place in the routine. The neighbors still wave at you and the dogs still bark. Em isn’t at home, like normal at this time. Everything seems fine. 

  You get out of the car and lock it. Before you can even take the first step, another car pulls up. It’s sleek and black, clearly expensive and well taken care of. Out of the car is Naoya. You can’t hide the shock from your face. 

He followed you home. You didn’t even see him.

He comes stomping towards you with a cup in hand. “I assume you didn’t drink the first, right? Here. Since you’ve acted like a brat all day and need coffee to behave.”

   “This is seriously inappropriate! What are you doing here?” You don’t take the coffee from his hand. “If you don’t take it, I’m not leaving, I swear to God.”

  You take it hesitantly. It’s iced and is slowly melting. “Since you don’t know how to act, I’ll have to teach you. Lucky for you, I’m a forgiving and patient man.”

  He pulls out a folded piece of paper. “Read it. And drink.” He turns around and leaves you and slams his car door.

Dear, 

When I provide, let me. It is not an option to deny a protector his darling and for you, my Summer sweet, to reject what I give.  This letter is for you to know that the innate primal instinct is forever in your name even though you disrespected me. 

Nevertheless, I will be here. Let me show you what a man’s supposed to do a few times. Denying an advance of a beautiful relationship speaks volumes of your pain that I wish to heal. One date at a time, one night at a time. All that is needed is your obedience. 

  “This letter…baby this is a threat. It’s…what’s the word? Crazy? Obsessive? You have to do something about this.”

“Rue said something about his position that worries me. His superior is his father. He’s got me over a barrel.”

“Yeah, he seems like a spoiled ass. What's this about your obedience? A night at a time? The guy’s a pig.” She tosses it on the counter. “This man can’t be reasoned with. He followed you home, broke into your office, followed you to my cafe-this is serious!”

  You know that. You know that this guy is growing scarier. “I can handle it. I’ll tell him to leave me alone.”

“Baby, he asked you out in a threatening letter. Love? Being a provider and protector? This is insane. You have to tell your boss. Go to HR, something.”

“Leo knows of how he’s acting. But he’s out of the loop about Zenin following me home,” You walk through the kitchen for a mug. “Besides, HR is going to think we were together! They won’t believe me. Not when he’s sitting in a fancy chair that daddy gave him. I’ll handle this.”

"Why would HR think you're together?" She puts her hands on her hips. "Because it's a romantic poem-"

"There is not a damn thing romantic in this trash. At all." She rubs her face. “What’re going to do? All you did was not drink a coffee and he followed you home and wrote a threatening letter. This is serious!”

You pour a cup of coffee, not even wishing for the one Zenin gave you. “I can do this. Trust me.”

--------

At work, you avoid him like the plague. You even go as far as to change your schedule, much to your friends' dismay. Anytime he was conveniently on your floor for some fake ass reason, you leave. This behavior is becoming suspicious to your friends. They know of how he acted towards you but not to the extent that it has gotten. 

  Hopefully, he’ll stop coming towards you. He’ll stop breaking into your office and leaving coffees. If this continues on, you will go to HR. 

  You park your car and head inside the shabby little building. The lights flicker outside, fighting the dark. Its bold red print on the sign is fading and the parking lot only has a few cars. It is a writer’s class that you found with an excellent and self published writer for a teacher. All of your peers eagerly wait for her to come in. 

“Hey! Did you get something down?” You ask Ren. His thick hair gets in his face before he moves it. His dark eyes trail to find yours and have a sparkle of excitement in them.  

“A chapter! Like, a whole chapter. I couldn’t believe it.” You gasp and pat him on the back. “Getting out of your slump! I can’t wait to read it.”

  Suddenly, the door opens and reveals a devil. Naoya Zenin waltz’s through in his casual clothing. The teacher introduces him to the class. You are the only one that doesn’t welcome him, earning a curious look from Ren. The teacher goes on and asks for anyone to present. Zenin stands up with his catlike eyes gleaming and a smirk on his face. This can’t be good. 

  He clears his throat. “My dearest dream weaver, my heart’s sake divine. I’ve wondered about these streets for years, hoping for a moment of clarity from you. Alas, there isn't a thing to make you go away. Did you know this when you saw me, you with a beautiful face?

 You, my nightmare who keeps me up, a ghost of a heavenly past. I gave you words of my declaration yet you turn away from me. The turn of your face and hidden eyes aren’t what’s terrible in my mind. It is the question of what’ll happen after.”

The class is silent until the teacher praises his poem. He stares into your soul, a cold wash scaring you. After class, you get up and practically run outside. “Hey, let me drive you home!” 

“No!” You shout at Zenin. You need to get out of here. To run into your home and hide. “Don’t be difficult!” 

You drop your keys on the pavement right as you try to put them into the slot. Your hands shake.  “Shit, fuck!” 

“I just want to talk!” 

You hear a car and see bright lights. No one drives a fancy car like that except for him. 

“Please, please…” You get inside and lock the doors. Wasting no time that God has given you, you drive like a bat out of hell. 

  “I need to go…” You come to the decision. 

--------

 You tap your foot, nervous about this meeting.

“What are you talking about? Naoya Zenin is the son of Naobito Zenin. It is said that out of his brothers, he'll be the one to inherit,” HR is an older woman with pristine white hair in a bun. Her lipstick is a bit dry but otherwise impeccable. Her voice is so proper it makes you want to take classes to clean yours up. "This is not some run of the mill employee. What happened?"

  “He’s followed me home twice that I know of, to my writer’s class, given me coffee and letters. He even read one in the class.”

  “Perhaps you misunderstood the writer’s class letter. It could’ve been his genuine assignment.” She sits in her chair and gestures for you to follow. You sigh as you sit down. “No, it was his first time. He couldn’t have known about any assignments. Ma’am, please. He stares at me while I’m working and hovers through the entire floor until he finds me. I’ve even had to change my schedule to avoid him.”

  She brings out a paper, a form for her to fill out. You begin to smile when you see that. “Did you have a prior relationship?” 

“No, no. I don’t know him.”

“Spend time outside of work at any point?”

“His first day, I think?” She writes in perfect writing. “But everyone went. Actually, Rue and Yuki were with me at the time. We were already there when he and Leo showed up. He paid for the meal, but that’s it.”

  Her eyes don’t look right to you. You smile anyway. Once she moves her eyes from the paper to you, a perfectly trimmed eyebrow raises up. “Do you always smile like that?”

  Your face drops at the question and your heart aches when she writes it down. 

You cry in the bathroom. Seeing your makeup smudging, you desperately try to save it at the same time. 

“(Y/n)? What’s wrong?” Yuki comes in. Looking at her concerned face, tears start to shed again, relentlessly trailing down your face. Without hesitation, you spill everything. You don’t have the letters with you at the moment, but you insist on the legitimacy.

“I believe you.” You throw your arms around her neck and hug her. Her vanilla scent has always been fragrant and sweet. Yet never has it been sweeter and more welcomed than now. 

  “Come on, let’s go out to lunch. How about your friend’s cafe? She makes excellent muffins.” You chuckle and wipe your tears. “How can you think of food at a time like this?”

“Easy,” She looks you over, inspecting your state. “Oh honey, you’re a mess. No way am I going there with you.”

  “The hell?” You look into the bathroom mirror and see what she means. Your mascara is running, foundation is suffering and various other things. You laugh as you side eye her. 

  “Come on, let’s fix you up.” 

You bring out the only touch up makeup you have in your purse and do the best you can. 

At the cafe, you see Em and wave. She hurries to you and Yuki. “Is everything okay? Is it the creep again?” She rubs your back gently. 

“We’re just hungry and here for a ‘pick me up’.” Yuki smiles. Em pats her chest. “I was about to say. That creep is a menace. Do you know?”

“Yeah, she told us that he was in her office. I just now found out about the legit stalking when I found her in the bathroom. I knew he was being weird, but this is crazy.”

Em nods and turns to a barista with bright blue eyeshadow and full lips. “I need muffins, coffee, chamomile tea, cookies-”

“That’s not necessary, Em.” You touch her hand to get her to stop since she is still going. After she’s finished, she sits down and asks you, “So what happened? Why were you crying?”

Yuki nods and thanks the barista who sees your red, puffy eyes and gives you a sympathetic smile. You take a sip of your coffee and then clear your throat. The thought of the meeting that you just had makes your lip wobble. 

“Apparently, I smile too much.”

---

The next day you attend work, the elevator door opens to a bouncing Leo. “You’ll never believe the news I have for you.”

  You step out and walk alongside him, passing your colleagues and unattended Dahlia plant on a random desk. The receptionist on the floor scrambles to his phone and answers it with a professional, yet tired, tone. It matches Rue’s perfectly. 

  “What’s the news?” 

“You’re up for the promotion.” You halt and gasp. “Me? Are you serious?”

“Dead. Come with me.” You follow him earnestly with questions on your tongue. “Why? There are people who’ve been here a lot longer. Surely, there are people who are better.”

You knew that you were talked about, but for you to be put in front of the line is crazy. He opens the door for you to enter his office. “Enough with the questions. Listen, this is a prime opportunity and you are way better than you give yourself credit for.”

You sit down on one of his chairs. “Leo, I’m serious. There must be a mistake.”

“Nope!” He sits behind his desk. And turns his pencil holder twice. 

“Who would take that risk? Yes, I work hard. Yes, I am driven. But I’m not experienced enough. I knew it was possible for me and I’m excited! But for me to be actually getting it?” You bounce your stocking covered leg. “Something’s wrong. What is it?”

  Leo turns his pencil holder again. “It’s a promotion with numerous benefits. Higher pay, a better office-”

You interrupt. “Who’s taking that risk, Leo.” Your suspicion is growing. Not just because of the proposition, but the way he turns his clay pencil holder with his daughter’s sunflower painting on it. The way he avoids the answer and has a wide smile on his face that is now looking forced. 

“A promotion is a promotion…right?” He sounds so unsure, almost as if he’s asking you for the answer and permission. The answer to this riddle is right there. A name and a face deep in your gut. “Zenin?”

  Leo and the whole office knows about him now. It was Yuki’s form of being petty. No one has said anything to him or the higher ups, though. “Yes.”

  “Leo! No, no I won’t accept something he has to offer. If I get promoted it will be fair and square.”

“I know it’s not ideal, but the rest agreed on you. Even though he brought you up, it was unanimous.”

  You shake your head, now completely disgusted. “Leo, I won’t. I’ll never owe him a damn thing.”

  Leo stands up. “I’m with you then, kid.”

------

You go to H.R. again. “Ma’am, look into it again. He’s now getting in the way of my job.”

She scoffs and takes a deep breath. “This promotion-”

“Isn’t right. I take pride in my work, absolutely so. What Zenin is doing isn’t fair to anyone. If I get a promotion, it’ll be on my terms. I won’t win unfairly. I won’t let him bypass all the others that deserve a chance at getting this position.”

   She studies you and your conviction. “I will never owe him a thing. Here are his letters,” You slam them down on her desk. The thick wad of paper slaps against it, showing just how bad it has gotten. “And these aren’t even the ones he’s written in my class.”

  She licks her lips. “I know this is odd. But men in his position are a bit eccentric anyway as far as I can-”

You interrupt her. “I also wrote down all of the witnesses including those on my floor. He walks through it and stares at me, following me. Tries to make conversation even when I say no. He’ll touch me in harmless ways that have more meaning than they look. He’ll break into my office! Lord only knows what sensitive information he’s touched."

  You put your hands on her desk. "Ma’am, I’m unrelenting on this. He’s still following me home. You have to do something.”

She nods subtly. “I can suggest counseling to the higher ups and show how this has become. I cannot guarantee what’ll happen.”

   It’s better than nothing. “What if they say he has to go and he doesn’t? He has a high position, also.”

 “Yes, he does. But a unanimous decision trumps him anyway. May I keep these?” You say yes and push the letters to her. “And if there are any photos, emails, phone calls, anything, give them to me.”

---

 When coming home, you decided not to go to your writer’s class. You haven’t dropped out, though. Breaks are good. They’re exceptional even. Perfect for mental health. This is the lightest you’ve felt in a while. Things were being taken seriously and the ball is rolling. You exit the car and are met with a furious Zenin, who comes from behind your home. 

“How dare you. How dare you!” He stomps over to you. His hair is still in place and his suit is still pressed. “I hand you the answer to your prayers and you bite.”

“I’m not taking that promotion, Zenin. I want to get it fairly, without help.” 

“Naoya. Call me Naoya.” There's a lilt in his voice. He stands perfectly straight and unbothered. He takes a deep breath. “Perhaps you didn’t understand me to begin with. (Y/n),” His voice is back to a serious tone. Zenin clasps your hands gently and stares into your eyes with sincerity. “Our relationship is simple. You are my woman; all I require is your obedience.” 

He caresses your cheek. You can’t breathe. 

“No.” Is all you can muster. You run inside to find the door unlocked and Em sitting in the living room. Quickly, you lock it securely. “Is the back door unlocked?”

“What?” She props herself up. “Is it unlocked?!”

“Don’t yell at me!” She drops her magazine on the coffee table. Your breath is ragged, too scared to work properly. Em makes her way to you and is gentle. “Everything’s locked up. Why? What’s wrong?”

“He’s out there. He thinks we’re together. It’s not a crush. He genuinely believes we’re in love.”

  Em peeks out the window and sees him in his car, clenching his cellphone. The home phone that Em insists on keeping, rings. She answers it, not bothering to look at the ID. Suddenly, a wicked voice speaks through. 

“Put her on the fucking phone now!” 

“How the fuck did you get this number?” Em is way calmer than you. Way, way, calmer. “Put her on-”

“No!” She hangs up. The black corded phone rings again and again. “I can’t stay here, Em.”

“I’m going with you. No arguments.”

The two of you quickly found a new apartment with new numbers. Even the cafe’s number changed. The apartment isn’t the best. It’s a cheap one with bad neighbors and a shady landlord. All of it is temporary and honestly, you feel safer here. What you feel bad about is Em’s house. She still owns it and is trying to find new renters or if it comes down to it, buyers.

-----

 It has been days, weeks, since you have had to be subjected by Naoya’s presence. Although the first day was refreshing, you can’t help but wonder if this growing anxiety is from his absence or from impending doom.

  “Okay, you guys. I’m going to the bathroom. Be right back.” 

Your friends, Em, Rue, and Yuki sit at a little round table waiting for the loaded nachos appetizer. You head to the bathroom and dodge the plenty of people in the popular bar. The smell of cigarette smoke and cold beer is slight. The dim lights still work and help you find your way. 

   Finally in the bathroom, you touch up your makeup. Not just for yourself but for a man at a table who has been eyeing you since you came in. Strange thick white hair, sparkling blue eyes, and perfectly sized lips. His long fingers gripped the beer glass, completely wrapped around it. How his round eyes peered over the glass just to look at you made your face incredibly warm. 

  It has been a while.

You finish swiping your lipstick when a loud bang shocks you. A furious Zenin charges towards you. His eyes are bolder and eyebrows so furrowed that you could swear they’d stay there. He is growing redder by the second and his hands twitch with anticipation. 

  “What did you do? How could you?”

“I need to go-” You try to brush past him. 

“Don’t take another fucking step, I swear to God.” He comes a little closer. “How could you? Lie about me to the office and my colleagues? Force me into counseling to talk to a quack about our relationship? After all I’ve done to show my love, this is how you act. You embarrass me?”

  “I never wanted to embarrass you. I just want you to leave me alo-” He smashes the mirror with his bare hands and yet has no scratches. You shriek when the impact occurs, your instincts realizing that you may die here. That he really is a man on the edge.

  “Is everything okay?” A woman with dull red hair and bright green eyes enters. She looks at the two of you curiously and gasps at the mirror. 

  “Get out!” He screams at her. She screams and takes off. “Help me, please!” You yell before the door closes. You pray she heard you in time. To get some kind of help or to at least come back to save you. 

   “How far do I have to go? For you to remember our love? To accept it and how much of a man I am? Why do I even have to prove it?!”

“You don’t have to prove anything! We are not in love!”  He backs away slowly. “Don’t make me lose my temper. Do not push me there. Take the promotion, work with me. I have to keep you on a leash since you won't behave on your own. Your rightful place is by my side, (Y/n). As your fiancé, I demand it.”

  “I’ll go to the police, Zenin. I swear I will.” Tears stream down your face. You slowly back away. He opens the door. “If you do, I’ll show you what I’m capable of, God have mercy on you and me.”

When the door closes quietly, you faint, hitting the pink tile. 

--

 You walk to HR with the red haired woman’s number and statement in your hand. Along with it is the manager’s, and multiple people who heard your cry and saw you being carried out unconscious by the white haired man. 

   “Here. You wanted evidence. All of these people are witnesses on how far he will go. He trapped me in the bathroom, threatened me, broke property and-and-” Air is being slowly taken from you as you try to talk. A clenching feeling in your chest threatens to burst. 

   “This. I’ve had to move, change my number, I can’t go back to my writer’s class without him being there, convincing everyone that the letters are from his love rather than his psychosis.”

  Her eyes become wider by the second as she reads everything. “I encourage you to get a personal restraining order. I’ll bring this to the higher ups but I cannot guarantee a company one. He has already been told to stay away from you unless necessary.”

You shake your head as tears fall. “I can’t. He’s threatened-”

“That matter is up to you. I will go by company protocol. This alone will not be enough, (Y/n).”

---

“What are you saying? Do you know who I am?” Zenin bounces his leg slightly, determined to not show that this is getting to him. The bright room with several elders at the rectangular table stare at him. Not a single thing in this is comforting. 

“You do understand how serious this is, don’t you? Phone calls, stalking-”

“We’re in a relationship. We have been since we were kids. Our parents arranged our betrothal. I’m merely acting as a man should with his future wife.”

  “No, no that’s not how it goes, Naoya.” A woman sits straighter, observing his behavior, catching every little thing. Naoya taps his fingers on the wooden table. “That’s the proper way a married couple acts. This isn’t stalking, this is making sure she stays in line.”

  “She isn’t some fiance of yours. She’s an employee. Our employee.” A man with greying hair gestures between the higher ups. Naoya sits straighter. “Am I not a part of that?”

   “Depends.” The woman states. He can’t help but glare at the woman. “As a shareholder, a man of the future position of CEO,”

“This will halt that, Naoya. That’s what we’re telling you.” 

  The world stops. He can only hear the faint buzzing noise. “Are you taking this company, my inheritance, away from me?” He’s burning hot. 

“We want you to stay, Naoya. But this behavior has to stop. This is serious.”

Naoya stiffens then with the calmest tone says, “I have weapons like you wouldn’t believe. If I lose my job, my heritance, because of my woman’s dramatization, I’ll end it. Not just me but everyone.”

  “Are you saying, if you lost your job, you’ll kill us?” The woman stiffens. “Everyone. I am Naoya Zenin, a man who will not be rejected.” The air is sucked out of the room. 

----

 “Naoya Zenin has been fired.” HR comes to you personally. “I want you to take a couple of days away. Not just to your home, but elsewhere. Just for a few days.” 

“What’s happening?” Leo asks. He stands next to you, curious and cautious. 

“It’s been handled. (Y/n), this is not our problem anymore. The ball is in your court.”

  You stand up, smoothing your pencil skirt. “Thank you.”

“For your safety, I suggest a restraining order immediately.” She leaves. Leo looks at you with a frown on his face. "What the fuck happened?" You shrug, not wanting to know the answer. 

  “Mother?” She’s the first thing you see when the door opens with a suitcase in your hand and a forced smile on your face. “What’re doing here, child?”

“I just need to sleep here for a few days. Is that okay?” You didn't want to bring Em, Rue, and Yuki into this. You thought it was best to leave the apartment for a bit, so it didn't disturb anything. 

“No. Not after all of this,” She closes the door and steps onto the porch. “Why now? After your independence.” 

She crosses her arms and looks at you condescendingly. You want to scream. “A man at my job is stalking me. He just got fired because of it and they suggested I hide.”

“What?” She uncrosses her arms and gently touches your arm. “It was one of my bosses. He’s completely delusional.”

  “W-well, who is he?”

“Naoya Zenin? You probably never heard of him. He was a big shot at the company but he assaulted me-”

“Child, who did you say?” You repeat his name that tasted foul on your tongue. “Why would you do this? He was almost-”

“What? You know him?”

   “You do too. Then again, it has been a long time. Back then, he was smitten with you and we tried to set the two of you up. Never did I think he’d go this far. Especially when it was denied. Both of you went your separate ways.”

  Your mouth falls as you process her information. “Mom…this can’t be. I don’t remember him at all. Did he know of your plans?”

“Yes, he did. His father was joking about it. Nothing was to come of it.”

You drop your suitcase. Is this why? He deluded himself or possibly love you in a psychotic yet childish way? “What do I do now?” You whisper, totally flabbergasted that he remembered you and held onto this. Something that was to never be. “Ha, actually, you’re the one who rejected him-”

“Mom! What do I do?” Her lips go to a thin line, contemplating your problem. She looks up at you with an intense stare. “Get a restraining order. It was a bad idea to do all of this but now you have no choice.”

The way she put it stings but the answer to the problem is a restraining order. It’s exactly what you did. Called a lawyer and got a temporary restraining order until trial.

--

 It goes downhill from there. 

The trial is set for this week, which you prayed that the day would come soon. Only for it to be met with gunshots. The first floor is the first to meet him. You hear them clearly while in your office. The window looks great to jump out of right about now. Before you can think anymore, Naoya bursts the door open with a bang. You stand up, terrified of not only the gun but how blank his expression is. Like this isn’t fazing him in the slightest. 

There's no air in the room just pressure. Time is frozen as the two of you have a stare off. A buzzing noise comes from the broken lights in the hallway, the metallic scent of blood is too much. There are red splotches on his clothes and on the large gun. He carries more on him, more disgusting violence and stupidity. 

  “Naoya, no!” You grip the edge of your desk, hurting your finger. Perhaps the pain from it will wake you up from this nightmare.

“As my wife you should’ve known better. A restraining order? Against your husband!”

“I didn’t remember-”

He curses at you and fires a shot. Your body topples back from the impact. He stares at your unconscious figure, then goes to leave. "I know you're not dead yet. You better live because I'm not through with you." 

  When you awake, the shots are still firing. Screams are still heard, and the nightmare continues. “No, no, God, please…”

  Your upper arm was hit, the bullet clean through. The blood is all over your shirt and even on your bottoms. You take your jacket off and press it onto your wound. Shakily, you stand up and slowly walk out. Reo, the receptionist on your floor, is the first you see. Slumped over his desk with a phone in his hand. The red dahlia plant is shattered.

  Next, are two colleagues who worked at the other side of the floor, shot in the back. You quickly walk away, doing it as quietly as you can. 

  With every popping sound you flinch harder and harder. The phone on someone’s desk is untouched with blood or a dead hand. You pick it up and call for the police, somebody, anybody. “My name is-”

A smooth and stern voice interrupts. “This line is for-”

“Please, please save us. I’ve been shot.” You whimper. His tone changes to one of complete sympathy. “We can’t storm in right now. Just sit tight and hide. Where are you? What’s your name?”

  You tell him what he wants to know. “He’s on the third floor I think? I can still hear him.” 

   “Thank you so much. Now, (Y/n), you have to hide. Put pressure on the wound and hide.”

“I’m doing that already. Please get me out of here-” You hear another shot that is closer. You duck behind a barrier, hearing the devil enter. The phone rings and Zenin answers with annoyance in his voice. “Before you say anything, you need to know that this is all because of her. My wife.”

“Who?”

“(Y/n) Zenin. Had she just listened, accepted me as her husband and a man, we wouldn’t be here. It’d never have come to this. This is all her fault.”

  You silently cry at the truth. It is true right? Maybe if you just caved and went to him, accepted his love and left everyone out of this, they’d be alive today. “I will blow this building to hell if you don’t back off.”

Not bearing to hear it anymore, you crawl out the best you can. Worried for your friends, for everyone. "She's missing. I think she's walking around or escaped. If you see her, tell her I'm coming for her."

  You hit the stairs as quietly as you can. He’s still ranting about you to the policeman. Hopefully the love of his own voice overpowers the sound of your footsteps. You see the sign for the lobby and push the doors open to it. Glass is everywhere in the lobby and blood coats the walls. To your right is Rue, laying on the floor with her eyes open in horror. Her red lipstick matches the blood on her chest. You touch her face with an apology on your tongue. 

   “Forgive me, forgive me…” You leave her and exit this hell you created. You pray that everyone else escapes it. You pray that time rewinds and you alone are punished with this. For Rue, for everyone.

   The ambulance hauls you in. The corner of your eye Yuki stands with an officer, desperately hanging onto him, crying. You’re on the bus before you can apologize. 

 It takes hours of surgery to fix your arm. You’re ordered to stay for a little while. The small white room smells of bleach and cleaner. You can't close your eyes, or you will see Zenin, standing at the door waiting for you. It changes every time you blink. He'll have a gun and another he'll be completely unarmed and leaning on the door frame, smirking. You can't get rid of his image. 

In the room comes Em and surprisingly, Yuki. Right as you see them, you beg for forgiveness and your apologies fill the room. You look Yuki in the eyes and are reminded of Rue’s death. Her bloodied corpse and horrified face will stick with you forever. 

 “Enough!” Yuki yells. She sports a cut on her eyebrow but otherwise looks alright if you don't count the slight shaking. “It’s over. All done.”

“He’s not out there anymore. He can’t hurt you.” Em says sweetly. She comes to your side and holds your trembling hand. Her warmth tries to bring you a comfort that you reject. “It’s all my fault. All of it. Every single-”

“No! This is on him and him alone. You have the right to say no. You did what you had to. It’s no one’s fault but his.”

  “Yuki…” You can’t finish your sentence, choking up. Yuki’s eyes are watering. “We’ll survive this. He won’t win.”

“Ever.” Em affirms. Yuki grabs your hand, too. The guilt will always be there. But his hold will fade away one day at a time, and every time you will spit on his grave.

[makerofmadness]

itai itai no SICK SICK - a Cookie Run fanfic

(I spent like two months writing this whole thing lol. If you're wondering how long this is: I hit the text block limit [it's 1,000 in one post btw] and lagged out the post editor and my phone started heating up)

Warning for Heavy Angst & Whump, Hurt/Comfort, as in "a crap ton of hurt but eventually things get better"

Inspired by the song ベノム by Kairiki Bear (title comes from the lyrics)

Starring: Alchemist Cookie ft. Vampire Cookie and others

(Note: some implied Sparkvamp. Doesn't really go any further than the games themselves, though, so I didn't think it was worth tagging as ship but thought it was worth warning for)

TW: Alcoholism (or whatever Vampire is), (Self-Inflicted) Poisoning, Self-Harm (Via Poisoning), Suicidal Themes, (Cookiefied) Hematemesis

(Please tell me if more should be added to the TW, I will update accordingly)

Cover drawn by @driftwoodmfb (background by Nou/from the song's MV) and thanks to my friend @/sleep.starvedd from discord for the writing advice for one scene. And thanks to literally all my friends who read this before it was finished (@softichill @boom-fanfic-a-latta @organichotchoco and also @cosmoknightchaos who wasn't even in this fandom) couldn't have made it without ya.

(Story under the cut. Enjoy)

Grape juice.

She couldn't escape the smell of it within her home. Every day, every time she walked anywhere except for her room/lab, and especially any time she saw her own brother.

Alchemist Cookie's existence was less happy than it would've seemed from the outside, or than she really preferred to present it to others. And it all came down to one thing:

Vampire Cookie.

Embarrassing, was it not? How much he relied on her, his little sister, to keep him healthy, to keep the house tidy, to keep him together. He didn't ever take care of her, she wondered if he'd even notice if she were to ever fall sick and need taking care of, or if he'd just be happy to have that awful nagging away from him, as if she didn't nag with a purpose. 

As if he'd even have a long enough attention span to look after her. 

Ugh.

She shook the thought out of her head as she sat down at the table for dinner, alone. Vampire Cookie has gone out that night- he was always either at home or at Sparkling Cookie's juice bar, it was a struggle to get him to go anywhere else. She was half-considering calling Sparkling Cookie just to beg him to send her brother home, but she knew that would be unreasonable to ask of him like that.

Sparkling Cookie was nice. She liked Sparkling Cookie. He was kind to her; he showed her how to mix drinks once and she tried to apply that skill to her alchemy sometimes. She saw him too often. She somewhat resented him too. She would've resented him more if she hadn't met him.

It wasn't fun having to be called over so often, to pick her own brother up like that, to shoulder him home as he'd confusedly ramble about this and that, as he'd seem to have forgotten who she was...

It hurt. She felt sick just thinking about it.

It'd come back to him, it always did. He promised he always forgot everything from time to time like that, the times he'd forgotten his own name still scared her, but that he'd never really forget her.

She didn't believe it. One day he wouldn't see her every day, and then he wouldn't remember her when he sobered up. One day he'd be around and she wouldn't be. His lifespan would outlast hers. That was what little she really understood of his condition. And how she resented it.

She didn't really understand her brother and how he operated. She worried for his health as he seemed to only consume grape juice some days, and seemed bored or averse of normal sustenance. She tried everything in her power to get anything good into his diet, despite his resistance.

"I don't need that stuff, sis," he'd always tell her, "all I need is grape juice. That's what keeps me going."

She couldn't help but worry for him. He never seemed to worsen despite his diet being built on what should've been unstable grounds- the opposite was the case, actually: he was considered quite the strong and ethereally handsome Cookie by most. He was popular, he had many treasures, and nothing ever seemed to get to him. Everything was well with his life. "Cheers to a wonderful life!" He'd say sometimes.

Was she an afterthought, or did he just not see her distress?

As a Cookie, he was many things: Carelessfree. Unaffected by her pain. An immortal being who would outlive her.

Who would take care of him after that?

She had only ever talked about this to him once. And he told her she was "too young to start thinking about mortality." She was still what would be considered too young for that. But how could she not? Life was at alchemy's center, and her brother was an immortal vampire who would definitely outlive her.

And yet here she was, still trying to make him eat his vegetables because it was 'good for him' or make him go to check-ups with Dr. Bones Cookie because he was too lazy to bother going out that far for something without a promise of juice. He didn't need any of this. She really did know it deep down. But she kept doing it anyway.

She would never dare say it, but maybe deep down she just wanted to pretend he was normal.

...Her brother probably would've crumbled from juice overdose by now if he had been normal.

From that poison he sustained himself on.

But the alternative would've been...

She picked at her plate, having lost her appetite suddenly. She much preferred devoting as much time and energy as possible to shutting herself away in her lab, away from her brother and the grape juice smell that came off of his very dough, and endlessly researching and experimenting until he found his way in somehow and made her stop pushing herself so hard. Her life's work had been researching Life Potions. Her Life's work had been to extend her own lifespan

She got up from the table, leaving her plate untouched. Perhaps Vampire Cookie would just eat it for her. She knew he wouldn't bother. He didn't typically bother with normal Cookie meals, when he did it was either to please her, to participate with a group, to look normal at events, or for the flavor. He wouldn't be eating a random salad by himself.

...she decided to go over to the phone and make a call. To a number she had to have memorized by now:

"...hello? Sparkling Cookie? Yes, it's Alchemist Cookie, I was just wondering if my brother is going to come home soon... ... ...A party, huh? Well... Whatever. Just- If you don't mind me asking, could you, uh... cut him off sooner rather than later tonight...? I'm just- you see, I might be busy tonight, so I'd prefer it if he could come home by himself tonight, safely... ... ...Thank you. I knew you'd understand. Have a nice night."

She put the phone back on the wall and began walking away, but felt... hollow.

Of course he'd have gone to a party without telling her anything. It wasn't as if she'd be worried sick if he came home late...

Maybe he'd come home sooner if he couldn't have more, though...

Whatever. It didn't matter. He always had more lying around, anyway. In the cellar, or in his room, or in the kitchen, or wherever he could store it. He'd even tried to use her vials, more than once...

And then he'd just lie around and do nothing with her. They never really spent time together, it felt. Sometimes they'd go out and do things, social events and the like, but she craved something personal. Meaningful.

For their entire existence, had they ever really just hung out? One time, she had done a favor for Cherry Cookie, and said cookie had talked all about her plans that day with her sister, Cherry Blossom Cookie. Those two had been planning to go on a picnic together that day. And hearing about those plans, all Alchemist Cookie had thought was: Why didn't MY sibling do that with me...?

She sat down on the couch- and looking at the furniture she started to feel ashamed for not being happy. While she had specifically made sure that their home looked normal enough, it very obviously showed through that they had... more than average to spend, with how nice everything looked, shining and sparkling even within the dim lighting of most rooms.

She didn't know where he got it all from.

He didn't have to work, and she was more interested in her passions, and her working options were limited at her age anyway. No one made any money, really-

Her thoughts were interrupted by the sound of the front door opening, and a voice shouting for her:

"ALCHEMIST COOKIE~!!"

Before she even had the opportunity to say a word or leave the room, a certain fanged Cookie slumped in. She could smell the grape juice saturating his dough. She suppressed a gag. That smell had gotten stronger than usual. She could even see a stain on his coat.

...she wasn't surprised.

"So- *hiccup* 'scuse me-" he plopped himself down next to her, while she just tried to stare off onto space. She had better things to occupy her mind with, things that her brother wasn't interested in in the slightest except for maybe that one time. She'd just escape into her mind while her body would stand in until he either had his fill of rambling to her about 'the wonders of taking breaks' or-

"Sparkling Cookie said you called him, eh...?"

Her jam ran cold. Even though he had no anger in his voice.

"..." she avoided looking at him, knowing that the best she could really say was the truth, "I-I just- you see... I was going to go work in my lab, but I... wasn't expecting you to be home this soon-"

"I mean, duh. No juice, no Vampire Cookie."

He didn't even stick around just to talk to his friends...?

"But, why's that the issue...?"

"..." Was he really that oblivious? "If you had too much, I would have to help you come home... but if I'm working, then I won't be at the phone, so I won't even know-"

"Oh, I see: You're worried about me, aren't ya?"

She was torn between two responses: 'Yes. All the time. Every day. And I don't know how much longer I can take it for.' And 'Worried that you'll try to come home yourself anyway and end up in some stupid or dangerous or stupidly dangerous situation, yes.'

Both went unsaid. Instead, just:

"Yes."

"Awww, you know what I always tell you, sis..."

Vampire Cookie leaned into his sister, affectionately wrapping an arm around her and pulling her closer to him. The warmth and love of a familial embrace could no longer reach her.

"Don't worry about everything so much! It'd do you wonders to-"

"How can I not?? I never asked to have to look after my big brother, just because HE can't put down the STUPID JUICE GLASS-"

She immediately slapped her hand over her mouth. That wasn't supposed to come out.

"..."

"...I-I'm going to my lab."

She got up with her brother's arm giving away from her surprisingly easily, given that he was usually slightly stronger than average, and walked away without looking back. 

She didn't even see the look on his face. But she could care less.

Alchemist Cookie just walked away, practically without thought, her legs carrying her all the way to the door to her lab. As she entered and shut it behind her, however, she suddenly lost her will to carry on.

...

Oh. Her eyes had sprung a leak. Embarrassing.

Alone, nothing and no one to grant her solace, something dark within her mind that had been brewing for a long time began to concoct an idea out of festered, fermented emotions:

If he was going to nourish himself on poison every day, she thought:

Two could play at that game.

It took about a week to gather the ingredients. In that time, somewhere deep down, she had been hoping that something would happen to change her mind. It was a decent amount of time, she thought, looking at the grand scheme of her pathetically short existence. 

But nothing did. In fact, she only had her current thoughts affirmed.

Not by any change, but by a lack thereof: by stagnation. 

By that stagnant grape juice her life had been drowned by.

She couldn't even really focus on or enjoy her work anymore because whenever she tried to get 'in the zone,' her thoughts would always go back to her brother.

One day, which she had spent almost entirely in her lab, her brother came home from the bar- not by himself, but being shouldered by his acquaintance Cinnamon Cookie- who interrupted her planning just to inform her that her brother was home. The nerve of that Cookie. (...she had to have gotten a call, right? She didn't leave her lab the whole day, so...)

"*sigh* How much did Vampire Cookie drink...?"

"...uh- N-nobody knows..."

"...ugh. Whatever."

No one ever kept track.

Days went by and her brother was none-the-wiser to what she was planning. Despite all the time he spent at home...

She had a hard time keeping him out of her room, though. She couldn't lock the door to her lab, so he'd always get in. But her reagent-gathering was sporadic and unplanned, she had nothing written down...

Then came the day she finally decided that she was ready.

This would be the perfect concoction. Acridly flavored. She was turning it into an experimental melting pot, a pot of completely random reagents. Not really. She was very much aiming for the most toxic ingredients she had as she grabbed them from around the room. With the test subject being herself. 

By the end, once she'd had enough of tossing things in the pot, she watched the final color end up as a vivid pink. The mixture had bubbled and fizzed during the mixing process, but now it was... completely still.

Deathly still.

It was almost tranquil, the way it sat. She stared at it for a moment, before scooping some of it into an empty flask she had laying around.

She swished it around a little, staring blankly. Nothing changed about it.

Whatever this nocuous cocktail would do, it wouldn't be anything good for her...

She knew this would be it. This would show him. He'd finally understand. This would teach him a lesson.

She wanted to -------

She slowly took the flask up to her lips.

Bottoms up.

Immediately she felt it burn as it rushed down her throat.

It hurt. It tasted foul. She made sure to get down every last drop, swallowing a steady stream of death-

Something inside her told her to spit it out. But she was set, she refused to go back: She would show him. 

Once she'd gulped it all down, she put the flask down on her work table. Already she could feel the effects: A stomachache was setting in, she felt incredibly nauseous and dizzy, a pain began to burn her chest from the inside, her eyes began to spill water and something buried within her once-logical mind was still yelling at her SPIT IT OUT-

But she couldn't. It was far too late for that.

There was no going back.

~~~

She staggered out of her room with an aching sensation filling every inch of her dough. Her head especially was beginning to throb with pain- but really, her entire body was in general agony.

Her head was spinning, to the point she was starting to see double, and this combined with the sudden shortness of her breath that she couldn't tell if it was just her panicking or if it had been yet another effect of her concoction made walking to the living room take...

She didn't know how long.

The numbers on the clock, she couldn't read them anymore. She couldn't recognize them. She couldn't process any of them. 

Her head hurt even more trying to do so.

But she eventually found her way in, and, after further difficulty bumping into the furniture, finally managed to sit herself down.

She lay back on the sofa, but even cessation of action did nothing to make breathing an easier task. She could feel her heart beating in her head chest. It was speaking over her reason. Shouting over it.

'Why even bother sitting out here? You know he's not going to notice. Even if he does, he won't be concerned. Get to work; Be productive with your time at least...'

She shook any thought from her mind the moment her brother came into the room. She felt too weak to even spend the energy talking to him, she wasn't even sure if she would be able to get a coherent word out anyway, but surely he'd at least ask how she was doing. And then when she didn't answer, he'd look at her, and then he'd notice something was wrong-

But he just walked on by.

He said something, but she couldn't focus on the words. And it didn't change the fact that he just left the room anyway.

(Maybe it sounded like "Love ya, sis" but she couldn't tell. She wouldn't have believed it, anyway.)

That woefully familiar miasma of grape juice hit her senses, worsening that already overwhelming nausea of hers. Stronger than ever. Or was it the same as usual...? Everything just felt worse like this...

'...what a joke. He just walked right past you. He probably didn't even realize you're here. He probably forgot you again.'

The leaks were back, gushing, overflowing- and she didn't have the energy to fix them. Agonizing all alone, with this toxin eating away at her system...

If it didn't crumble her tonight, she'd try again tomorrow. And the next day. And the day after that. And over and over again until he finally noticed that something was wrong...

She slept unrestfully that night, and even though the effects of the concoction had mostly subsided by the afternoon when she woke up, she still felt tired.

She planned her routine out from there: Every day, once she woke up (frustratingly, it was already difficult to keep to her usual schedule), she would immediately take a drink of the poison before she even went to eat breakfast. She'd then just let the day play out as she rapidly grew ill, and see if her brother ever asked about her health.

He didn't ask her. One day, two days, three days- she seldom spoke to him, as he'd be either in his room lazing around or indulging in the one thing he cared about in the world, or at Sparkling Cookie's- and she was just exuberant to see the look on his and Vampire Cookie's faces the inevitable day she'd come in to do her usual 'nag-and-drag' routine and at best not even have the physical strength to get her brother off the floor and at worst-

'You could crumble right in front of him and he wouldn't say a thing. He doesn't care about you. He's NEVER cared about you.'

She didn't care anymore.  That night, though- her brother staggered home with his arm over another Cookie's shoulder again. This time, however, it was Sparkling Cookie himself who accompanied the drunken Cookie through the door.

She didn't know this until the two of them walked into the living room, where she was leaning over the left side of the couch trying not to pass out from exhaustion.

"Oh. Well, hello there, Alchemist Cookie!" Sparkling Cookie smiled at her with a warmth that she couldn't feel.

"He-ey, lil sis! *hic*" Vampire Cookie gave a loose, lazy wave. "How ya doin???"

Alchemist Cookie didn't want to speak to either of them. Tiredness was the bulk of the reason, she really hadn't vocalized much at all in the past few days since her experiment had begun, but really what could she have said to either of these Cookies?

Sparkling Cookie. The Cookie that ran the juice bar. The Cookie that called her on the phone at bare minimum three times per week just to pick her brother up from said juice bar. The Cookie who did nothing but serve that disgusting, baneful juice. 

She really resented Sparkling Cookie.

And her brother... 

Immediately flopped himself next to her, as close as possible, forcing her to take in that grossly prominent grape juice smell, as if it weren't hard enough to breathe already. And lovingly, he started clinging to her side by the arm, practically leaning all of his weight into her as if he hadn't been a heavy enough burden-

His body was as cold as always. She knew to expect that from him. She was always prepared to feel that. And normally the physical cold was easy to ignore thanks to the emotional warmth. But she just couldn't feel that anymore...

She was so, so cold.

"Alchemist Cookie? You're shivering... are you alright?" Sparkling Cookie looked at her carefully and with concern, coming closer to her. She couldn't get up. "You look... unwell..."

...

She tried to say something, but all she could get out were wheezing breaths and a hacking cough she couldn't cover up.

Sparkling Cookie put his hand to her forehead. She didn't have the energy to get it away.

"Hmmm... you're not burning up, but you sure look sick. And you sound sick, too..."

"Yeeeeaaaahhhh... ya look kinda funny..."

Her brother's face was practically pressed into hers as his spacey eyes made direct contact with hersand she hoped he would notice how they had dulled to lifelessness by now as she turned her head too, and even just that caused her a splitting headache that she did her best to ignore because she wasn't going to let Sparkling Cookie see that.

"...eh, doesn't look like much. Looks like Alchemist Cookie like always. *hiccup* You're fiiiiiiine~ It's whateeeeeeever~"

He didn't notice. He didn't care.

Sparkling Cookie sighed and pried Vampire Cookie from her, gently but still causing her pain yet again. Vampire Cookie just leaned to the other side of the couch, oblivious just as he always was.

"Don't be a buzzkill, Sparkling Cookie!! *hiccup* I was all nice and comfy right there... Can't a Cookie just give his lil sis a hug in peace?? What's this world come to... *sigh*"

The look on Sparkling Cookie's face seemed disappointed but unsurprised before his attention shifted back to Alchemist Cookie:

"Thank goodness it was a slow day at the bar tonight. There's no way Vampire Cookie would be able to take care of you like this..."

If he was implying what she thought he was implying, then she wished she could just get up and run away, but she knew the air would leave her faster than it could get to her.

She didn't want him hanging around her house. Her brother had enough access to grape juice already. She wasn't going to let him have the idea of bringing bar nights into their house. She already couldn't escape them normally.

She just barely scraped together enough energy to shake her head, weakly. She tried to get up, now that her brother was off of her and couldn't weigh her down.

The dizziness set in immediately as she could barely find balance in her feet, waving her arms around trying to find a support-

Sparkling Cookie's hands approached to help stabilize her, but she slapped them away before they could make contact. Purposefully.

"A-Alchemist Cookie, let me help you to your room, please. You're clearly too weak to stand on your own..."

As she tottered towards the wall to lean against it, she glared back at him and tried to mouth her answer: 

I want you gone.

She knew he could lip-read decently enough. She knew the way she mouthed it was obvious enough.

She didn't care.

She saw his feelings on his face. In his eyes. The shock, confusion, worry. Hurt. She didn't feel bad. Not for the barkeep that drove her and her brother only further apart. Maybe a little, for the mixologist that'd always bring out some set of old alchemy textbooks from the back when she needed to hang around, that she'd practically had memorized from the amount of times she'd read them all front to back. She turned away before staggering over to the hallway. 

"G'nighty night, sis~, don't *hic* don't let the... what's the sayin again? Whatever, sweet dreams..."

She turned in early that night. She didn't have anything better to do anyway. She couldn't do anything else like this. She couldn't do alchemy anymore. But she didn't care.

She was beginning to accept the struggle to sit up or even just to open her eyes in the morning, the way her vision would still be so blurry and unfocused even after putting her glasses on that she wasn't certain they were even on her face, the lingering aches and pains that hung over every moment...

"...Alchemist Cookie...? Alchemist Cookie!"

This wasn't part of the routine.

She had been sitting there at the edge of her bed for who-knows-how-long likely a minute before she realized a voice she knew all too well was inside her room.

Vampire Cookie.

She looked over to see him leaning with his back to the side of her cauldron pot, holding one of her vials.

She just barely mustered the words with airy breaths in-between: "Wh-what are... you doing... up... this ear...ly!?" 

"Uhhh... first of all, it's 4 in the afternoon." He walked to her as she sulked in place without energy to move. "Second of all, Sparkling Cookie told me that last night, he noticed you were feeling... more than a little under-the-weather. So I came in here to check on you, and I saw... whatever that is."

He pointed over to the cauldron. Her heart skipped a beat.

"Well, I looked at it and thought that maybe you'd finally made more of that wonderful pink juice that you'd kept insisting was 'just an accident' and 'you didn't have the recipe for.' So, I couldn't help but have a little drink..."

Ah, yes, the 'Pink Juice Incident.' The one that had dyed most of the kingdom pink with love. She had been so confused that night when both her brother and Sparkling Cookie came and started thanking her profusely for "that delicious rosé juice" and "the boost in business for the day." That was the first time Sparkling Cookie had ever been over at their home. (And she wished the two of them could've been a little less... excessively romantic.)

...but her brother had been so sweet that night. When he wasn't rambling on and on about how debonair Sparkling Cookie looked in pink, he was giving her a pat on the head or saying about five times total "cheers to my brilliant sister and her alchemy!" despite no one else raising a glass with him, and she'd felt all warm and fuzzy on the inside...

It almost made her wish, in some deep selfish recess of her mind, that she could make it again. Just so he would praise her some more. She craved that validation.

...but she couldn't. And even if she could, she wouldn't. She couldn't poison him like that just for her own needs.

Wait...

He drank the poison...? He drank her concoction!?

The look on his face changed from pleasant reminiscence to light disgust.

"But that stuff tastes awful...! What did you even put in there?"

...of course he wouldn't be affected. Her potions never worked on him. Even when she wanted them to.The 'Pink Juice' affecting him was only a result of how haphazard that entire concoction had been.

She had once sought out to transmute her brother alchemically, to create some kind of potion that could eliminate that listless juice addiction of his. And yet none of them ever worked on anything but a normal Cookie.

There was that one time his personality seemingly inverted out of nowhere, where he started dressing and acting like her for a few days and even researching alchemy (...seemingly), that she never got an explanation for, until she came up with a potion to put him back to normal...

No. She knew her potions wouldn't have suddenly started working on him. She made all her concoctions with the reference of how to affect a normal Cookie, all the way down to composition. He wasn't normal. She had a whole pile of failed attempts at a working Flavor Reversal Potion by the end of her prior experiments in futility, after all. And she used them as the basis for the cure.

...in which case, she certainly couldn't have 'fixed him' by the end of it when he encroached on her field, so how did he return to normal...?

...

Had he really just been messing with her the whole time...?

She'd somewhat started to appreciate him more after that incident. At least, she realized her problem with him was less about him and more...

Whatever. She didn't care anymore. "No juice, no Vampire Cookie," in his own words.

She tried to get up to her feet- and immediately she envied her brother's ability to levitate as the pain shot up through her legs.

"OW!!"

"Alchemist Cookie??" 

"You... you drank my... my poi- my potion...!?"

"Yeah. So?"

"...grrrr..." she didn't look at him, but felt a sudden burst of... not as much as strength as it was anger,and yet it still wasn't enough to give her hands the strength for fists, "why... why can't you... why can't you just control yourself for once!?"

It could hardly be called a shout, but she couldn't do that anymore. 

But she could spit venom just fine.

"...sis, what do you-"

"It's always drink this, drink that...!! All for you, you, YOU...!!!" She pushed him to the side and dragged her legs over to her prized pot. Looking into it, it didn't seem to have had much taken out of it, and yet she still felt furious that he had taken what was hers. As she turned back around and made sure to make direct eye contact, further infuriated by the confusion that met her, she put on a sarcastic tone and gestured sloppily as she mimicked her brother's voice: "Can't you make some juice with your alchemy?' this and 'Can you stop bothering me about alchemy when I'm trying to enjoy my juice?" that *pant*... and then you have the gall, to come into my room, and try to just drink anything that wasn't meant for you... and when it's not that, you're looking through my research notes, to see if they have anything about juice... because THAT'S ALL YOU EVER CARE ABOUT-"

Unable to keep up with her own shouting, she suddenly entered a violent coughing fit. She couldn't breathe. Vampire Cookie looked a mix of horrified and... mortified.

She had to support herself on the side of the cauldron to prevent herself from keeling over, with how light-headed she was getting. She'd started spitting venom, but she felt as if she were going to start spitting jam.

As soon as she could get a breath back in, as she saw that fanged Cookie take just a few quivering steps toward her with a face of remorseful shock, she shot a glare in his direction and finally gasped out:

"Why, does everything, have to be, about you...!? You... about your juice... is that... all I'm good for, to you...? Making juice, for you...? Taking care, of you...?? Catering, to you...!?!"

"..." Her brother stood frozen by her cold words. "...A-Alchemist Cookie, you know that's not true, you're not-"

"It's always, juice for you, juice for you..." As she gazed fondly into the contents of the cauldron, her mouth formed a twisted, broken facade of a smile: "But this, is for ME... this... makes me... feel better..."

It was funny to her, almost. The purpose of this entire experiment had once been to make her brother see what he was doing to her himself. Nourishing himself on that poison of his every day. 

That crimson venom dripping from his fangs as he bit into her life.

But she didn't care anymore. She wasn't doing this for him anymore.

She had long lost her original intent.

But really, her intentions now had always been there, lurking deep down within the darkest crevices of her mind. Just waiting to bubble to the surface.

Her routine poisonings had begun to feel almost comforting to her, in some form. Because at the very least, it was something she had control over. She could control her own degradation except she knew it was progressing at an uncontrolled rate. She was doing this to herself. No one else was. She took a sense of pride in that, a sense of power, a sense of control.

Control. She needed control. She couldn't control her own mortality, she couldn't control her brother and his behavior. This pernicious potion was the only way to control anything, she thought...

So what if her health was deteriorating? She had every right to make it deteriorate.

This wasn't right

"(Feel better...?) Is it... a cure or something...?"

The inquiry snapped her out of her blissful thought, but she didn't look at him. She just thought:

He was right about that one thing: That this was, to her, more nostrum than noxious in the grand scheme of things.

She'd prescribed it herself to her own heart, the one true remedy for its malaise: Her own personal, hand-crafted, home-brewed panacea. 

This would make everything better.

And so, she answered accordingly:

"Yes..."

"(...well, guess I shouldn't be surprised about medicine tasting bad...) Sis... I-"

"Sh-Shut up..."

Her head snapped to look at him and it hurt so much to make such a sudden movement, and she ignored the guilt that had been shining in his eyes and glared as she panted out:

"Get out... of my room... I'm done, talking... and, give me back, my vial, now...! *gasp* And then get out...!!"

She held out her hand. She would've pointed to the door with the other if she could trust her legs to keep themselves standing on their own, without propping herself up still. Vampire Cookie looked at her dejectedly before making his way toward the door, handing her the vial as he walked past but otherwise not stopping to look back...

Until he was at the door.

Just before he left through it, just before he could give her privacy, he looked back at her and said:

"...Could... could you at least... air out the room a little...? I-I just noticed that it's a little... I don't know, mephitic in here...? And you know I'll be able to smell this from-"

"Out...!!

"(...I-I'm sorry...)"

He shut the door, leaving her alone to her own devices in her ill-lit, shadow-casted room where the curtains hadn't been touched in days. She sighed.

'Finally. Almost thought he'd never go away...'

Now there was nothing keeping her from her precious elixir of death life... so-to-speak. 

She didn't want to miss a dose. She rationalized it in her head, one should never skip even just a day's dose of their medication, after all. It just wasn't healthy...

She was really becoming an addict of her own. Addicted to her own misery. Pushing away, hitting away even the very idea of relief. She didn't even do anything of worth anymore, passing through life devoid of passion, of her passion- once she had dreamed of making great discoveries, but now what knowledge could be held in a mind too tired to think...? She reminded herself so much of her brother: Drinking, doing nothing, and decaying in her room; Dozing off in dreamless sleep and waiting for her doom; Hardly ever leaving, barely living in this tomb.

What a miserable creature she was. Maybe she deserved this anyway.

Bottoms up.

Over the next few days, she'd stopped keeping at some point. Of how long it had been since she'd started her slow march toward the end experiment. The days were all congealing into a mass of constant fatigue languor, not helped by her now inconsistent sleep schedule... most of her schedule was 'sleep' now, really, or a state between sleep and awake that she couldn't tell the difference between anymore because she just couldn't do anything else and even thinking was becoming too much of an energy sink sometimes.

She didn't even really have the energy to make her meals anymore. Sometimes she was too queasy to stomach anything. Sometimes she struggled to leave her room in the first place. The times she had done so, when the hunger got too much to bear, she'd noticed that her brother had started waiting around the kitchen more. Sitting at the table sometimes, trying to coax her into joining. "Are you going to keep me waiting for lunch?" or "Don't you think a sandwich would be nice right about now...?" ...he wasn't very subtle.

...one time he got desperate enough to try cooking something. It wasn't very good, he really had no idea how to prepare a salad if burning it was ever a possibility and especially in the way he did it, but...

The only thing she could easily put down was that burning potion of hers. But she was finding the simple act of swallowing to become more and more difficult thanks to the sheer pain of everything in her body.

And it was just another late afternoon, who-knows-how-long after this had all began, after her heart had crumbled and fallen apart, and she was about to take her potion again. Up to her mouth, running down her throat...

But she had to spit it out halfway through because she couldn't swallow it.

"ACK!!"

Something was wrong. More wrong than ever before.

It hurt.

It hurt.

She'd never felt more SICK.

She started coughing, forcefully, oxygen making its escape. Her body was trying to expel something.There was something in her that needed to get out.

And it came out.

Onto the floor and her hands as she dropped her flask, causing it to shatter there with the mess of...

Strawberry jam.

Nausea, pain, vertigo- everything was making her head spin, the room was spinning all around her, her vision was doubling, tripling in an instant and she could hardly keep her balance on her feet, her head was growing light and yet it was still heavy with soreness, everything was in pain-

She fell over onto her back. The lights above her looked all the brighter and stung her eyes. She could hardly keep them open; she didn't want to. She was beginning to fade in and out of conscious, anyway. Her consciousness was beginning to fade in and out of being, anyway.

This was it. The culmination of her experiment: A date alone with death, with toxins flowing through her.

Her crumbled body would lie alone within her room, not to be found for days. Weeks. Months. YEARS.

...

She was full of fear. 

Those leaky eyes of her wouldn't stop, not when this wasn't what she had really wanted, deep down in the crumbled pieces of her heart, though she had long stopped admitting it to herself.

The one thing she'd wanted, needed, was...

Something she'd never get to see herself have, if she were to crumble now.

But she had no way to control the outcome of this. She never had. That cocktail of death had been dooming her every day she drank it. There was no going back.

'This is goodbye...'

~~~

"...Al...mi...C..ki....?... 

(Why did this have to be such a slow process...? Why hadn't she crumbled yet? Was there something keeping her alive, some force of will? Was that really powerful enough to keep her from the brink...?)

(...she didn't want to crumble, but she had gone too far to save herself. And no one else was there to save her. Now she was stuck in a slow atrophy from the inside-out. 

She could feel her insides crumbling. 

Jam and leftover poison still oozed from her mouth, dripping down her face- and within her mouth just tasted so odiously foul and yet she couldn't spit any of it out. Her eyes could hardly keep open. She was just about to let them close, finally, to plug up that incessant leakage, even if she feared she may never open them again...)

"ALCHEMIST COOKIE?!!"

(Wait...)

(There was a voice, and footsteps that, even with the ringing in her ears, were close enough to make out, and they sounded far too fast for any normal Cookie to be running at...

She knew a Cookie who wasn't normal.

"Alchemist Cookie!? ALCHEMIST COOKIE!!!! WAKE UP, PLEASE!!!!!!!"

She just barely opened her eyes again as the ringing cleared to find the face of a Cookie staring down at her, that had gotten down next to her on the floor, that, even though her vision was blurry, she could make out had crimson hair and deep purple eyes...

Vampire Cookie...? 

"Alchemist Cookie!?!?! What on Earthbread happened to you...!?!"

(He... found her. He actually found her. That shouldn't have happened, and yet...)

"..." She was scared to even try speaking. It'd be a waste of what little breath she had, anyway. It wasn't as if he'd ever listen to her, right?

...could she even speak? Could she even breathe? Was she even still...

No. No, the agony was undeniable. It said everything without words. Even if her body had broken down, even if it wouldn't work as she wished, she was very much still in it.

"...N-nevermind, you can tell me later. J-just- just relax, okay?? Just stay... calm..."

He got up and ran away- and while she couldn't get up to watch him leave, she was already feeling no less than sheer despondency. It wasn't disappointment, no- that would imply she had expected better of him, that she had had any hope left in her that he wouldn't just tell her to 'chill out' like he always did and then abandon her there to break down in desolation-

She never heard the door close.

She was ready to let the darkness take over her field of view again. She didn't hear the footsteps returning...

But she heard the sound of wings flapping towards her.

Looking as far towards the door as she could in her position, with her blurring vision she could make out some small, round blob of red flying in through the door and stopping right beside her- and in a sudden 'poof' of smoke, what was left was the taller figure of her big brother.

He came back

?

"Help is on the way, sis...! We just have to... wait right here, not move... and I'll be right by your side, I promise..."

(...oh. She didn't have a phone in her room, did she...? He had... called for help...?)

He knelt down next to her and rested his hand on her forehead. Cold to the touch, as always. But something about it was... soothing, to the slightest extent. Maybe it was because of how much she had been burning up on the inside. Maybe it was just the feeling of care that she felt within those eyes that were finally looking at her with clarity.

(...just for once, she felt grateful she didn't have a lock on her door. That she hadn't been able to shut him out. Just this once. Otherwise, she would have...)

"...Alchemist Cookie... what even happened to you, sis...? D-did the medicine you make not work? (I should've known it wasn't working, why didn't I...) What kind of sickness do you even have??"

"..." She didn't know whether or not to tell him what she had really been doing at this point. Two parts of her were conflicting, fighting for dominance over her crumbled heart: One of them held her original intentions, the other held those that had been more latent. Neither of them really felt like 'her.'

"...you know what, I'll just... leave that to Dr. Bones Cookie to figure out. That's their problem, not yours. You probably... don't even know, do you...?"

She did know. She knew what she was sick with.

She knew what made her sick.

She would've been able to tell him right now, in perfect detail, if she could just speak, she thought.

(Wait... who did he say...? She had to have misheard that, he was way too lazy to go through that much trouble...)

"(...that look in your eyes...)" He sounded confused and... guilty. Since when did he feel guilty...? (...there was that one time...) "But..."

She couldn't tell if he was shocked or in shock, but whatever it was, it left him silent for a few seconds before he said, with an uncharacteristically perturbed voice:

"A-anyway, I'm just... lucky I could smell... all of this from my room, otherwise, uh... (Heh, maybe it's a good thing you didn't open the window when I asked you to, right...? Haha...)"

(Sometimes she forgot how good his senses were... when they weren't being fogged by his favorite intoxicant. Actually, maybe that was why she had forgotten: Because they were always too numbed to function to the fullest...)

...the one thing she could clearly see was the discomfort he was trying and failing to hide, trying to keep his eyes on her and away from the red, sticky, sweet substance spread on the floor...

Unfortunately, it was also on her- splattered on her dress and body, seeping into the undersides from where she had fallen into this red, disgusting mess, and there was still some left over around her mouth that she was unable to wipe off. 

She knew her brother could sometimes get a little squeamish- it only ever showed, really, when he was 'low on juice,' though. He didn't have the capacity for any such feeling otherwise, she thought. 

...he did tend to drink more after physical exertion, though...

She saw a mild burgundy glow coming from where she knew his eyes to be

"I'm... starting to wish I didn't take Sparkling Cookie's advice right about now..." His stomach growled like some kind of animal. What did he mean by that...? "Uh... (good thing I don't like jam as much as juice, otherwise I would've... n-no, no need to think about that...) Rushing around sure works up a thirst, huh? Let's just, hope they... get here, in time..."

("like jam")

(...the alternative...)

...

Seconds passed, maybe a minute, and the two of them just stayed together in silence. It felt like an eternity. What was taking so long...?

...

Alchemist Cookie's body was so ridden with toxin at this point, she didn't know if she even had enough time to wait for them. It was so unfair. Why did she have to change her mind? Why did she have to feel so conflicted? She didn't understand herself. She didn't understand anything. 

...

"...V...Vam...pire... C-C-Coo...kie...?"

The words fought to escape her throat. Vampire Cookie immediately snapped to full focus:

"Wh-What is it, sis...??"

"...A...am, I... g...gon-gonna..."

She gasped for air as she tried to communicate. It was taking so much of her breath. She hadn't spoken in so long, too, that she wondered if her difficulty forming the words was because of her fatigued and deteriorating condition or if she just didn't know how to anymore, if that were even possible.

But with her brother's full concern attention, she choked out the final words as those annoying leaks in her eyes outflowed, for what she knew could be the final time they ever would:

"...crum...ble...?"

Why was she even asking him this?

Why was she even asking him this...?

..why did she want to hear what he had to say...? To a question that was surely unanswerable for him?

...

Was it just to see how he'd react...?

(...just to see if he'd react...?)

His eyes widened as soon as the words escaped her mouth.

"N-NO, NO!!! I-I mean, no!! Don't- That'll never happen, I won't let it...!" She could just make out the white of his fangs... as he was giving her some attempt at a comforting smile, even if she could tell despite the fading of her sight that it was faltering. "Don't even think about that, sis!! J-j-just- just relax, like I said, and everything will be fine... you hear me? You'll be fine, you'll be a-okay, please, I- I won't let anything happen to you, just... just hang in there, I... I..."

She felt a few drops of something slowly drip onto her face. That facsimile smile came to grief.  

"...I-I don't know, if I can do anything... Please, just, hang on... I can't lose you, sis..."

He was...

He was crying.

His voice was breaking up as he desperately sobbed out his pleas: "D-don't make me lose you like this, sis, not like this, not this early... p-p-please, you have to hang on, just hang on... you- you know I really- you know I love you, y'know..."

I love you

Hearing those words, she finally felt a wave of peace wash over her, gently lighting up the darkness that had veiled her world of hurt all this time.

All this time, those were the words she had been crumbling to hear. The words she had wanted, needed to hear.

The words her body was currently breaking down over.

She was beginning to wonder if it really had to come to this just to hear them.

The exhaustion had finally worn down on her too far to persevere. Her muddied eyes so dull and lifeless were coming to a close.

"A-Alchemist Cookie!?!?!?! N-No, stay with me, STAY WITH ME!!!! ALCHEMIST COOKIE!!!!!"

Her hearing was fading away, and the last thing she heard was:

"...I need to go make another call, or three..."

"...when is she going to wake up?? IS she going to wake up!?!"

"S-slow down, slow down!! I'm doing everything I can!!"

Alchemist Cookie's eyes just barely cracked open. It was so... bright. 

Was she...?

...she was lying in a bed, under the covers- she could recognize that feeling. She wasn't wearing her usual clothes, either- she couldn't feel those. And the smell of the room was very... antiseptic. And... like ice cream...?

She was still in pain, she was still sick, but it felt... less so than before. 

(...she could hear a beeping sound...)

Her head felt lighter, but not light-headed. More so, as if a weight had been taken off... 

Her hat was gone.

She was...

...finally beginning to see clearly...

It was so brightly lit, the entire room. Bright and clean, white and lighter blues all over the room... 

After a few blinks, she began to make out her surroundings in more detail: There was a sink in one corner, a chair and a table in the other. Looking down without moving her head she saw she was... definitely in a bed, just as she'd felt. With calming blue covers pulled up to her waist.

...She was wearing some kind of pale blue outfit with darker dots. She couldn't feel much covering her arms beyond the shoulders.

Finally budging her head just slightly to the left, ignoring the aching that still followed her head's movement (yet it still somehow still felt less than how much it had hurt to move before), she saw her arm lying out to the side, and...

There was... an IV tube, hooked up to...

Some kind of... heart-shaped plastic bag...? A bag full of... red, on some kind of white and cyan-striped stand, hooked on by... bones?

She heard the beeping coming from next to the head of her bed, out of her field of view, but she could tell what it sounded like. (She wasn't sure if it sounded... right or not... She wouldn't be surprised.)

There was only one place this could be:

Dr. Bones Cookie's clinic... which was more like a fun-sized hospital, really. It was located at the opposite corner of the kingdom as her and her brother's home (Dr. Bones Cookie had expressed their wishes to have it built more toward the center of the kingdom when they moved in, but there wasn't any room.)

And looking to her right, she saw her brother and the doctor themself chatting away... closer to 'frantic bickering' than 'chatting.'

"C'mon, Doc, just tell me she's going to be okay, tell me she'll wake up-"

"H-hold on!! I'm a doctor, not a miracle-worker! And, to be frank, a miracle's the exact kind of thing we need right now..."

They looked down at their clipboard as her brother crossed his arms, seeming uncharacteristically on-edge. The doctor looked over in her direction, and...

"...Oh, my. Well, we officially have a miracle on our hands...!"

Vampire Cookie turned over towards her, locking eyes with her, and gasped.

Alchemist Cookie could immediately see her brother's dark eyes light up with emotion like a moonlit night sky through a window, despite the bags under his eyes that she never would have imagined him with (at least his eyes were their normal hue). His mouth grew into a smile so visibly brimming with... elation and relief. He didn't seem to be able to hold back:

"ALCHEMIST COOKIE!!!"

Vampire Cookie transformed in a poof and flew right at her, rattling the poor doctor's bones.

"C-CAREFUL!!" Dr. Bones Cookie cried. "Bats are known for spreading diseases, you know...!!"

Her brother ignored them and landed next to her head with maybe a little too much impact (but it didn't hurt more than she could ignore), immediately snuggling into her. That round, red juice bat with pointed ears and sleepy eyes- his body was as cool as ever, even in this form...

And yet it was just barely warm enough that she almost smiled. Almost.

"You're okay! You're actually okay....!"

"...I'm... here...?"

Dr. Bones Cookie grabbed her brother by the wing, lifting him up and away from her. Standing right next to the side of the bed, they held the bat up to their eye socket level, squinting at him with an annoyed look.

"Be careful!!" they warned.

"Well, sorry..." Vampire Cookie said sarcastically before poofing back into his usual form, which visibly startled the poor doctor. "But my dear sister almost crumbled..." he continued, and shrugged, "can't I celebrate that that didn't happen...?"

The doctor pointed at him with their pen and said: "A-as long as you don't touch her until I'm certain her condition is stable!! Do you even realize how brittle her dough was back there!? I'm surprised she didn't crumble before-"

"Okay, okay!! *sigh* I'll just, stand here, just... let me talk to her for a second, okay...?"

"..." They said nothing, but backed up slightly, nodded their head, and motioned as if to say go ahead before turning away to look at their clipboard papers. Probably something to do with her.

Alchemist Cookie looked at her brother, and he looked at her- eye to eye in complete reticence, and the uncertainty hanging in the air applied pressure, for someone to make the first move. She couldn't move her limbs, and her mouth tasted bittersweet. She just lay there, trying to communicate with her eyes to just go on and say it- whatever it was he had to say.

Her brother's expression became more somber as he finally shattered that tension looming between the two of them:

"Sis... why did you do it?"

"...?"

"Why did you..." the words came out of his mouth with an unsteady, shrinking tone: "poison... yourself?"

...it wasn't possible. He'd thought it was medicine. She'd told him it was medicine.

"...you... know...?"

"..."

The two of them just stared at each other, in seconds on end of uncomfortable eye contact and silence except in the midst of it she could hear Vampire Cookie mumble under his breath, something like "where did that spark in your eyes go...?" (and... she didn't know how to answer.)

"...Sparkling Cookie saw some... things around your room... put two and two together."

"...?" Sparkling Cookie had been there...? When??

Seeming to read her confusion, he went on: 

"...I... called him, Herb Cookie and Mint Choco Cookie over when you passed out... I-I didn't know what else to do, they know more about that 'healing' stuff than I do..."

(...That was how she made it, wasn't it...?)

"...T-turns out, Sparkling Cookie couldn't really do anything for you since you were... not awake, you know. Can't give a drink to an unconscious Cookie and all..."

She was glad he didn't get to. The thought of it made her sick to her stomach... 

(How was her stomach faring...?)

"So, he ended up, uh, looking around your room, 'cause we didn't, uh, kn-know what happened, and, uh... yeah."

He seemed... increasingly unsettled the more he recounted. She had a feeling she knew why.

"...He... said he recognized some of the things you had in there from what he read in some books. I think he meant the books he keeps checking out of the library for ya, 'cause he... said you absolutelywould have known, what those things would do to you, s-s-so..."

 "..."

She didn't really know what to say to him. She hadn't planned for anyone to recognize her reagents and their uses... or lack thereof. She didn't have an excuse planned. 

Vampire Cookie stared at her, contemplating, before he took a deep breath and said: 

"...why did you do it? Why would you ever... do that,��to yourself...? I just- I, I don't understand..."

She could see the tears beginning to pile up at the corners of his eyes, and it... still perplexed her, to some degree. As she readjusted to speaking, she blankly queried:

"You... care...?"

"...th-that shouldn't be a question..."

Alchemist Cookie looked away: "I... thought you didn't."

"...Wh-wh-what made you... what made you... think that...?"

(Her eyes looked back at him again. The look on his face... why did he seem so... upset?)

"..."

This was it, this was the moment she had been waiting for this entire time: The moment when she would look her brother dead in the eyes and finally divulge to him the disease that had been plaguing her mind, say the words, "you did."

"You did this to me."

...

But as much as it burned the back of her throat, the words just never came. And her head ached with the thoughts that she couldn't express.

She couldn't bring herself to say that.

She felt something burst in her eyes again. Embarrassing; there was no way to hide it this time.

Why did things always have to be so UNFIXABLE...?

"A-Alchemist Cookie, you're... y-you're crying..."

"I-I... I..." The words were so, so hard to form. Nothing felt right. Everything felt wrong. She felt so, sowrong. She couldn't take being wrong. But... her feelings had to come out. And they came out; she finally managed to spit it all out: "...I just... I couldn't... I couldn't take it anymore... I can't take it anymore..."

"...take... what...?"

She sniffled: "...you're always... it's always grape juice, it's all... it's everything to you, it's everywhere,every day, all the time, and I... I-I just feel like I'm nothing to you... I have to take care of you, when you get drunk and that's all the time... you can never take care of yourself or come home by yourself or do anything yourself... and you pass out and say weird things and you forget your own name and you forget my name a-and-"

Her voice was collapsing in on itself like a buckled floor, but she fought weary and bleary through the instability:

"A-a-and that's all I ever... all we ever do together is... because you're always so... intoxicated... it's like you forget about everything else... you forget about me... and you're always just..." She was breathing so hard that it hurt, "you never spend real time with me. It's always either at the bar o-or, or when you're at home you're still just drinking and drinking and..."

A heavy acid rain was drowning her voice and face. She didn't know if she was able to purge everything that had ravaged her on the inside, if she could get everything out in the right words, if her words would be right at all...

But... those feelings needed to get out.

She needed to get those feelings out.

It wasn't wrong just to feel, was it? When these feelings were designed to tell that something was wrong.

"I just... just... wanted, f-for you... to care about me... I-I couldn't take that, that... that I didn't matter as much, to you..."

"Alchemist Cookie..." he was trying to cover his face with his hands, she could see the glimmers of guilt in his tears, but he didn't look away from her. Contrarily, his stare became much more fixed as the words solemnly spilled from his heart mouth: "...you... you mean more to me than I can... I-I don't know what I'd do without you-"

"I know, s...someone has to ta-ake care of you... that's, the problem... I have to, but I can't... I can't take it..."

"Th-that's not what I... (crumbs, I didn't mean it like-)"

"I can't... I can't keep taking care of you... I'm sick of it... I'm sick of grape juice... I'm sick of seeing you drunk all the time... I'm sick of LIVING LIKE THIS...!" She coughed, but she could still breathe. She persisted: "I- I- I can't- I can't... I can't keep doing this... for the rest of my life... knowing that I'm going to crumble before you ever will eventually and then who will take care of you after that??" She took a deep breath. "I-I-I... I'm just a normal Cookie and you're not... Wh-why do we have to be so unequal...?Wh-why- why do I have to be to be so INADEQUATE...!?"

"D-don't say that, STOP!!!" He slapped his hands over his mouth immediately, his eyes widening and looking down at them. After seconds of evident processing, slowly returning to meet her gaze again, his next words were immediately at a lower volume and gentler tone: "...Please..." He almost reached one hand out at her before stopping himself, "Alchemist Cookie, you're my little sister, you shouldn't beworrying about... stuff like this, you shouldn't be thinking anything like this, you're... you're too young for that, you... you're..."

His hands went back up to his face again, this time burying himself enough to muffle his voice just slightly.

"You're too young to crumble... I don't- You have a whole life ahead of you, you have- you have so much time left, why would you... wh-why cut it short...?" 

(...why was that his fixation...?)

"..." the waterworks still welled in her eyes, but her voice grew stabler yet also quieter, colder just like his hugs. But she couldn't move. "...I just... wanted things to change. I wanted to be happy."

"...you weren't happy..."

It wasn't a question.

Vampire Cookie folded his arms, eyes cast down, tears trickling and... contemplative.

"...I... didn't even realize... I-I mean, I guess I started to-"

(Started to...?)

She cut him off:

"Of course you didn't notice, with how happy you are all the time. You're really lucky, aren't you? Life's so good to you all the time... Everyone wants to be friends with you, you just have everything and you never have to work for it, you never have to care about your health because you're special... and you tell me I need to stop worrying about things, but I have to worry about you because you don't worry about anything, but I- I need to worry about you because you'll probably get into something stupid while you're drunk or just stop... stop taking care of yourself everywhere that matters and, I can't let you do that, I can't let you be alone when someone has to take you home and... and..."

She felt as if a world's worth of weight was upon her, a world of pain that she was forced to live in. Alone.

"I just don't understand, why you get to be so happy, when I don't..."

"...I'm not."

"...wh-what?"

"Alchemist Cookie, I... it's not like that, but..." as he stared into her eyes again, he sighed: "...I don't never worry about anything, I'll admit it. The truth is... I'm... always kinda worried... sorta... you know..."

He looked over to something out of her field of view- by the head of her bed. It was where she heard the beeping sound coming from.

"...you're always working yourself so hard, sis... too hard... you basically never relax, I have to remind you to sleep half the time. You think I don't get worried about you...?" He paused before continuing: "I... kinda always felt like something like this would happen someday- not the same thing, but... that you'd just give up taking care of yourself because you're so dedicated to your work. Or that one day I'd just come into your room and see that some experiment gone wrong did you in, and..."

(His breathing hitched...?)

"...I-I... I can't lose you like that..."

"..." Alchemist Cookie blinked away any remaining droplets. Still processing what she was hearing, her only words were: "You're going to lose me eventually..."

"...I- I know. I don't like to- I don't want to think about that... any of this... I-I've always tried to not think about it..."

"...is that why you drink juice all the time?"

He attempted to mumble something under his breath- but he was just loud enough and he was just close enough that she could just barely make it out:

"(I don't know. Maybe more than I need to, I guess...)"

"..."

...

As the saying went: "The first step is admitting you have a problem."

He started speaking clearly again, looking back to her yet another time- and he looked just a little more regretful than even before:

"...I know it's nothing like... what you've been going through, I'm not trying to compare that, I just... want you to know that I do care about you, sis, I just... gosh, when you yelled at me that one time- what was it, two weeks ago now?- I knew something was wrong, but I didn't know it was this much-"

"You mean... the time I yelled at you, in my room...?"

(...she felt just a small pang of guilt about the intensity of her ire in that moment...)

"Hmm? Oh, that was... that too I guess, but I mean earlier than that. Where was it again? Living room, I think...? Yeah, that! Probably two and a half weeks ago, I think..." 

"...that was..."

...two and a half weeks ago...?

...she hadn't even been poisoning herself for that long, and things had escalated this far...?

How potent was that solution of hers...? 

...

Despite the nagging of her own insatiable interest, she knew that, perhaps, this was a knowledge that was better of not known, to herself at the very least. For her own sake. She didn't want to stare into that abyss again.

...

Two and a half weeks ago. She had outpoured her anger two and a half weeks ago.

Two and a half weeks ago, her feelings had finally boiled over. She had gotten to concocting her plan to poison herself with that sick solution...

And for what? For what had all of this been?

Would this have really been the solution to all her problems?

...

If she hadn't survived to explain everything to Vampire Cookie, he wouldn't have realized a thing. He wouldn't have stopped drinking grape juice. He probably would've started drinking more of it just to cope with the loss...

...

Two and a half weeks ago.

Somehow, he had kept track of the time.

And he remembered. He remembered her outburst.

He remembered her.

...

While she was beginning to think back on those weeks, on everything she hadn't paid attention to before, her brother kept on talking:

"That was when you told me you didn't want to, uh, look after me..." he hugged his arms around himself and looked down to the side, embarrassment showing through the regretful smile he was trying to put up, "I, uh, didn't even really get it fully until I was talking to Sparkling Cookie one night, when I went out... and uh, he told me that he always calls you to take me home when I, can't do it myself... and I didn't even realize how often you had to do that, I thought it was just a few times, haha..." his laugh didn't really sound amused as he brought one hand up to his face, "...I didn't even... remember half of those times..."

"...yeah. I can guess."

"And I thought that was all that you meant. So, I told him to stop calling you, and-"

"You... got your friends to take you home, didn't you...?"

That night Cinnamon Cookie had carried her brother home, then the other time that Sparkling Cookie did the same... How could she have been so oblivious...? 

"...I... didn't even realize you had done that... I even talked to them, but..." her eyes turned away from him, "I... guess I was just so focused on how you were still drinking grape juice, I didn't feel like anything was changing..."

"...I...is that why you did it, then...? Above everything else? Because I have to drink juice?"

"..."

She fell more silent than she would have expected to be at this question. She was imagining, over and over again in her head, the various reasons she could give for why she had done what she did- many of which had something to do with grape juice- and the exact ways to lay it out, to get the perfect emotional response, but...

No. None of it felt right, really. None of it was perfect.

Even now, with them spilling everything within their hearts to each other- none of it was perfect. She knew she had so much more to say, and he probably had more too, but the flow of conversation would carry them away before they could get it all across, when they weren't holding themselves back. How long would it take of conveying these ill-defined feelings in words, over and over again, until they finally understood each other? Would it be days? Weeks? Months? Years?

"...I-I don't know..."

Really, that was both true and untrue- she had a multitude of reasons, compounding upon each other to poison her mind- but...

None of her reasons were right. Nothing. The action she had taken in and of itself was just so wrong, there was no way she could justify it anymore. Why had she done that to herself!? It hadn't done any good in the end. Things had been changing for the better around her, Cookies had been caring for her well-being, and it was exactly because she had been so dedicated to her own self-destruction that she had not seen any of it...

(...she really needed to apologize to Sparkling Cookie, didn't she...?)

And to her brother...

She knew it would be foolish of her to tell him, "it's because you don't care."

Because she knew that was wrong.

She was seeing that on full display right now.

She had seen it the entire time.

But it was only now beginning to click.

"...you were... you were actually trying to care for me when I... started doing this, weren't you? When you checked in on me... and I yelled at you..."

"Oh. Yeah. Uh, when Sparkling Cookie told me you were... 'sick,' he pretty much... banned me from the juice bar, temporarily. And told me to cut back on the juice until you were better. And... I knew he was probably right by that. How was I supposed to take care of you if I couldn't even take care of myself?Uh... yeah. But I don't really know how to 'cut back,' so I kinda... went back and forth on too much and too little. Left me really thirsty a lot. Thought it'd be fine to try and look for a drink around your room that one time, but... (gosh, the stuff you said there was... I probably should've seen all of this coming...) I didn't want to..."

He seemed to grow more uncomfortable talking about this, scratching the back of his head nervously.

"I knew I wouldn't be able to resist. So, I just... decided to stay out of your room, after that. You know how I get when I'm... 'low on juice,' right...?"

(He hadn't kept trying to check up on her in her room after that, but she had noticed him hanging out around her more anyway, the few times she left the room. He had... tried to make sure she was nourishing herself...

...Those two and a half weeks, he really had been able to tell she was sick... No thanks to any toxicant, but the few times she'd communicated with other Cookies... and he had done what he could with what he was given, each time...

She really never had needed to dance so close with death, had she...?)

"..."

He always drank more after physical exertion.

But she could only really think of one time she had seen him get ravenous

The day he became abnormal.

Split wood on the floor

Spilled puddles of red

Desperation dripping with hunger

Violet consumed by burgundy 

"...yes. I don't want to think about that..."

"...am I really that scary...? Well, I guess if Dr. Bones Cookie's a good metric to judge by, then... (heh...)"

Alchemist Cookie's eyes moved to the other Cookie in the room. She could see that Dr. Bones Cookie was trying to let the two have their moment and focus on whatever papers were on their clipboard, but couldn't do much to hide the anxiousness on their face looking back and forth between those and the siblings.

She knew that they'd always expressed their own concerns about Vampire Cookie and his condition, but they certainly seemed to know more about the type of Cookie he was, about his needs, about how he functioned in general... but Vampire Cookie would rarely ever show up for scheduled checkups. Alchemist Cookie always did for her own, and she... hadn't considered asking them about him. 

...how had she missed something so obvious?

(...she'd been missing obvious things for the past two and a half weeks...)

"...Dr. Bones Cookie?"

"H-huh!?"

The doctor, startled at the mention of their name, almost dropped their clipboard but managed to catch it in the nick of time. Vampire Cookie tilted his head, but said nothing.

"G-Good Tingly-Bones! Is there something wrong???" the doctor asked as they checked through their papers, making sure they were still in order. (Alchemist Cookie was dreading when she would have to hear whatever those said...)

"No. I just... I know my brother has to drink juice to sustain himself, right...? But... is that really true? Is there really nothing else he can-"

They immediately sighed, as Vampire Cookie shifted uncomfortably in place but didn't say a word. They started to explain:

"Err, your brother is an... interesting Cookie. His dough contains around 10% strong grape juice- that would be strawberry jam in any other grown Cookie, but-"

"He's different. In a lot of ways. I know already."

She didn't intend for that to sound so bitter.

"...w-well," they continued, "they don't exactly put too much about vampires in medical literature, so what I do know is limited, but... normally they have to drink the jam of other desserts... but if his body's composition substitutes juice for jam, then-"

"My brother substitutes juice for jam as well..."

Vampires were jamsuckers- She'd heard about that. She'd never seen her brother personally do such a thing... except in a few scuffles, but that was just the way he fought dessert monsters and such- he didn't do such things recreationally, and never to another Cookie.

...But what she saw in movies and read and novels, heard about in horror stories, about Cookies like him, the things she tried to deny due to the occasional discrepancy and knowing her brother wasn't a monster...

How could she keep denying her brother's namesake at that point...?

Vampire Cookie turned his back to the other two, as if he didn't want any attention paid to him. 

(...they were kinda talking about him as if he weren't right there in the room, weren't they...?)

Dr. Bones Cookie paid him no mind:

"That's my theory, at least. But make no bones about it, he certainly does have it in him to drink jam if he's desperate enough..." they shot a mildly disgruntled look in her brother's direction, "Never set up a jam transfusion with a starving vampire in the room, if I've learned anything..."

She could see shivers travel up her brother's back, and his face turned redder than its usual tinge- but the way it burned his cheeks was unfamiliar compared to the drunken flush she was accustomed to seeing him with. He whispered a "sorry" under his breath with his eyes pointed towards her.  Dr. Bones Cookie's focus appeared to shift before Alchemist Cookie could bargain ask any further questions:

"Speaking of which: Vampire Cookie, I need to discuss a few things with you..."

Dr. Bones Cookie pulled Vampire Cookie to the side- or at least, they tried to. Vampire Cookie wasn't so easily moved. 

"What things...?"

"Err, concerning the patient. I-I know this isn't my field of expertise, but I... I just have a few concerns, and, um..." the doctor glanced over at Alchemist Cookie for a moment, and then returned their attention to Vampire Cookie as they lowered their voice to a whisper that was still not low enough for her not to hear: "(have you thought about signing her up for counseling with Chamomile Cookie...??)"

"..."

Vampire Cookie seemed more compliant after that. The two stepped a bit further away- just far enough that as they talked to each other quietly, she couldn't hear a single word they were saying. Probably something about her that they didn't want her to hear just yet, she assumed...

(...counseling... they were going to put her into counseling...

Something about that knotted up her stomach further than it had already been twisted. Counseling was for Cookies who needed help, for Cookies who cried. Alchemist Cookie didn't need help, she didn't cry.

...

Oh, who was she even kidding at this point?

Gosh, she was really SICK, wasn't she...?)

...she was caught between a rock and a hard place.

Juice or jam.

...

Nothing could ever be perfect, could it? He seemed so deeply discomforted with just the sight of strawberry jam, and of course he'd be: Hungering for the lifeblood of another living being, that was... a disturbing idea, even to her. It wasn't even up for consideration.

Neither of them would be happy like that. 

She didn't want him to be unhappy like that. 

...in the back of her head, she did ponder what life would be like like that, if he drank jam instead of juice. But the reveries of her brother being more active, more aware, more... there were quickly broken by visions of him sucking the life out of other Cookies' necks like a scene right out of a horror movie.

She didn't think he would hurt her... maybe. Otherwise she probably wouldn't be alive right now.

(...once she thought about it, what she pictured of her brother acting ideally... wasn't even that different from the way he was acting right now, or... even how he acted normally... when he wasn't too drunk, at least...)

That grape juice aroma that had lingered around their lives, it was by no means a good thing. It would've been so much better if they could just be rid of it entirely. But they couldn't have that. Life would never be perfect. But for what they could do, for what they did have, it was just something they had to put up with.

'It could've been worse' was never the best thought to turn to- but even it had its uses...

...

It could've been worse.

He could've been so much worse

He could've been like those vampires from the movies and myths, cruel and uncaring and violent- some cold count, creeping around the darkness, hunting unsuspecting Cookies like a predator stalking its prey...

But for all his flaws, all his shortcomings, everything he could improve on, everything he should improve on...

He cared about her. Enough to try cutting back on juice by himself. Enough that he cared about her happiness even when he didn't know the full extent of her pain. 

He came all the way out here to the hospital just to be by her side, when normally such a thing was too much work to him. He tried to respect her boundaries when he saw it was getting to her. He tried to cook for her, when he had never touched a stove, because she wouldn't eat...

She'd thought he wouldn't have cared if she were to crumble right before his eyes. 

Those same eyes had dampened her crumbling face with a gentle rain of tears as he said "I love you..."

(He loved her enough that he was willing to put in the effort to make a change.

He didn't really know how to do it the best way, and maybe things could never go as far as she'd have dreamed of, but... maybe, they could work it out...)

"Alchemist Cookie?"

She had been lost in her thoughts for long enough that the other two had finished their conversation and walked back to the side of her bed. Dr. Bones Cookie was trying to address her while her brother was standing next to them... and while she couldn't read his expression, it didn't seem very joyous.

"...what is it?"

She could read their deliberation in the stuttering of false starts, of "well"s and "you see"s, as they struggled for words, nervous sweat running down, before they at last got a sentence going:

"(How do I say this...) S-so, from the jam test results and what your brother said was found in your room... Good Tingly-Bones, kid, you shouldn't even be alive right now!! H-How much of that mixture of yours did you drink!?"

She wasn't shocked by their disbelief- she'd felt about the same way, after all. But what surprised her, thinking about how to answer their question... was the answer she ended up giving:

"I-I... don't know... I think it was... I drank it every day, for... a week, and a half...?"

(Two and a half weeks didn't leave much up to interpretation. But it still just felt too short... but... no, no, things had really just deteriorated that quickly. And that was what confounded her so. And yet it all blurred together in her head and dragged on for so long...)

"...how much of it every day, exactly...?"

"...I-I wasn't keeping track, I just filled the vial in my room, I think..."

She could hardly fathom the lack of plan or reason in what she had no way of denying had been her own fully conscious actions. She wasn't even sure what to think of herself at this point.

Dr. Bones Cookie sighed, murmuring something about 'treatment' before speaking with a resigned voice: "I-I'll just... keep it brief: That concoction contained some of the most dangerously toxic substances known to Cookiekind... and those substances are all over your body right now. Most of them don't even have known antidotes...! I've given you what I could, but most of what I can do is treat the symptoms until this clears out of your body on its own... (hopefully). You'll be staying here until I'm certain you're in a good condition...!"

None of this was anything she didn't either already know or couldn't have figured out on her own. And yet, hearing the words said out loud, she felt the weight of her circumstances really sink in.

...but one thing stood out to her, regardless:

"...I-I can't go home...?"

"Your body can't fight this on its own. I-it's going Tibia LONG road to recovery, but with proper care... (well, let's just hope your condition stays stable, at least...)."

Alchemist Cookie frowned. Did they really have to try lightening the mood like that...?

"...Dr. Bones Cookie...? How long will it be...?"

"...my best guess right now is at least a month..."

(...that didn't sound like a concrete estimate...)

Vampire Cookie pulled his cape over his face. 

"D-D-Doc said that..." he started with a lachrymose voice, "that no one can really do anything but hope for the best right now. Nothing else. We c...can't control what happens, s-so..."

He turned away and began walking towards the door sulkily.

"I should get going, visiting hours are over. I'm taking too much of their time anyways..."

It didn't even feel as if it had been that long. Were visiting hours that short? Or... how long had he been waiting for her to wake up...?

The sound of his footsteps as he trudged to the door made Alchemist Cookie feel... something that called her to ask, just to make sure:

"You'll come back tomorrow, right...?"

He stopped just before he could touch the handle, at first seeming completely frozen for a few seconds before he at last responded:

"...y-yeah, of course...! Just..." he looked back at her, "don't go anywhere! Okay?"

And with that, he opened the door and staggered out, letting it slam shut behind him.

The weeping was loud enough she could still hear it, unmoving for minutes until finally fading away.

And thus, Alchemist Cookie was left to intensive care. 

Not exactly the intensive care unit, but she couldn't be picky like this.

"...Dr. Bones Cookie?" Alchemist Cookie said. "...when do you think I'll be able to move, or... touch things.... or do anything again?

"Hmm... well... you're able to communicate. That's a good start."

The recovery process over the next few days didn't have a lot to do, with her being stationary as Dr. Bones Cookie managed her condition and kept it from worsening. Even just the fact she hadn't been able to eat for those days was causing problems; Dr. Bones Cookie explained to her that had her brother not told them at the scene about her malnourished state, they would've immediately put her onto parenteral nutrition... which would've triggered refeeding syndrome. She had to be slowly and carefully replenished, gradually increasing back to normal amounts... via catheter in the arm. It wasn't even certain if the damage to her stomach could heal in full.

(She asked them to give it to her while she was asleep. She wanted to be able to move freely the moment she recovered)

Despite this lack of action, her second day of regained consciousness was... not what she would call boring, with a curiosity like hers. She was constantly asking questions about her condition, and when she wasn't doing that, she was thinking over it herself. After all, medicine was a key facet of alchemy.

Would she ever be able to do alchemy again? Was she still even Alchemist Cookie without that? She didn't have anything else that had defined her at this point. She didn't know what to think of herself.

As promised, Vampire Cookie came to visit, more punctual than she had ever seen him been in her life. He seemed a bit less 'out of it' than when he had left, from the moment he was allowed into the room. But he still seemed a little off, the way he was so obviously catching his breath, sweating, as if he had ran all the way there from their home.

...

That was it, wasn't it.

That wasn't it for the odd behavior, though- as soon as he could breathe, he immediately went on questioning her about how the doctor was treating her (well), how comfortable she was (as much as she could be), if she was doing any better (...)...

...he was more alert than usual, more agitated. It was apparent to her that he was still depriving himself, even though she was no longer in his care. He kept pulling his cape over his mouth whenever he wasn't speaking, and when he did speak, she couldn't help but notice that faltering tone of his voice. That barely noticeable reddish tinge tainting his eyes, threatening to consume

...he seemed hesitant to stand too close to her. Whenever even just a hand or a foot would cross some theoretical line, he'd pull it back immediately, as if he couldn't be near her. 

...

That conversation she had had with Dr. Bones Cookie must have really gotten to him, hadn't it? Everything she had said that day in general, to the point he's ended up in a situation like this: denying himself the satiation that would give himself security here.

"I-I'm sorry if I'm a bit... antsy today, I just... i-it's just been really stressful with everything happening, I just-"

His stomach grumbled, shutting him up and putting a look of apprehension clear on his face. He backed a few steps away from her. 

She rolled her eyes, just as a gesture to tell him that his fears were all in his mind: He wouldn't do anything to her; it simply wasn't in his nature.

She trusted him.

She wasn't used to doing that, now that she thought about it. But after what happened in her lab, she felt she could start.

...

The following days of slow recovery, each and every one, he would come in like this. Every single day, for every last minute allotted to visit, he would keep his distance from her, yet still question her as much as possible. She could tell this was eating him up, but she didn't really know how to address it. She didn't want him to be unhealthy.

"...just remember to feed yourself, silly," she said abruptly one day as he left.

"Huh? O-of course I will, I haven't been... d-don't worry about it, sis. It's your turn to relax, anyways."

"But-"

The door cut her off. She made a mental note to shift her research into vampirism the moment she could pick up a book again. Whenever that day would be. If that day would ever come. Every single night, as she was dragged down into sleep, her greatest fear was that she wouldn't rise the next day. 

It was the very next day that she would finally regain the strength to move. She didn't try to sit up without the support of the bed- she wasn't sure she was quite ready for that yet- but she could finally lift her arms. Every movement ached, and it was clear her mobility still had a lot to improve on, but it was there. 

After some discussion and a close examination of her dough, Dr. Bones Cookie finally supposed they could relent on the 'no touch'

She saved her energy for when her brother arrived, and the moment he sauntered in looking in much better shape than when she had last seen him. He seemed less tired, no signs that he had ran- probably started walking sooner, given he still arrived on time- and he immediately was much more comfortable standing close to her. His eyes were perfectly purple, too. Calling him out must have made him get himself together, she supposed.

It was almost jarring to see how much more relaxed his demeanor had become, however.

"Alchemist Cookie, hey! What's up? How's it been?"

...well, he was acting more like his usual self, at least. Casually leaning against the air, floating next to her with his arms behind his head- it was the grape juice smell that confirmed it to her, though: He really had listened to her this time.

She felt nihility creeping up on her. Even though she had been the one to tell him to do it, she still felt this bitter-tasting fear in her that now she had been stable for long enough, things would just go back to the way they had been before. That he would forget this had ever happened. That he'd stop caring again...

"I'm still stuck here. Not much has changed... except for this:"

After some struggle to muster up her energy, she lifted her arms up and held them out and open. And immediately, Vampire Cookie gasped:

"Wait... does this mean what I think it means...?"

He tossed a look at Dr. Bones Cookie, who, after a moment's pondering, seemed to realize what he was referencing and answered:

"W-well, I suppose so... but if you're going to do that again, then you at least need a SHOWER first for sanitation's sake-"

"I washed my hands, that's good enough for me!!"

"H-hey!!!"

Paranoid as they were well-meaning, the doctor tried to grab hold of his cape, but he had already poofed into his smaller form before they could stop him (and all they could do was sigh in resignation). And before Alchemist Cookie could react, she found herself hit square in the chest by the force of what could've easily been mistaken for a baseball if he hadn't been so soft. 

She took the smaller juice bat into her hands gently, holding him out in front of her. The smile on his face was almost infectious... 

"You look so stupid right now, you know."

She couldn't help it. It was such a big, dumb smile.

A big, dumb, warm and loving smile.

"You really..."

Her mouth twitched and her eyes softened. He really was that happy to see her get better. He really cared that much.

"You..."

She took him up closer to her face, and as he nuzzled against her cheek...

She smiled.

She hadn't had a true, happy smile on her face in so, so long.

She hadn't felt truly happy in so, so long.

She had forgotten what it had felt like, to feel secure in the world, that others loved her; to feel that love as it existed right next to her in all its warmth without obstruction or oblivion; to feel all warmth of emotion through the cold of the physical body. She felt that emptiness being filled.

He felt warm to her. She didn't mind if he was cold to the dough. The warmth and love of a familial embrace had finally reached her, and she felt happier than she could ever remember being in recent times. Maybe ever. She didn't know anymore, and she didn't need to; It didn't matter. She was just so happy to have this moment, to have her brother here with her, to be here right now and to experience this joy.

This love.

"...sis? You're crying all over me, y'know... are you alright?"

"Y-yeah, this is... *sniffles* I've never been better..."

She hugged him close to her chest, with all of her limited strength. As limp as her arms were... perhaps that was a good thing: She likely would've crushed him otherwise. She was squeezing him as if she'd never gotten a hug before, as if he hadn't given her one a million times over. 

...he had. But this time, it just felt different. She wasn't being clung to obnoxiously by a tipsy Cookie; this was a genuine moment of reciprocal tenderness, where everything felt just right.

This was something personal. Meaningful. 

"...well, I'm not complaining."

"I-I can't remember the last time I was this happy..."

She felt all warm and fuzzy inside...

She felt so happy to be alive.

"(...maybe Dr. Bones Cookie was right...)"

"What was that?"

"Nothing."

(She had a feeling she knew what he meant... and maybe she didn't have to worry about it. It would spoil the moment, anyways.)

Her recovery seemed to go by a lot faster after this, with her gradually regaining strength in her limbs even if the pain remained. Her brother continued visiting everyday, and now she was the one asking him questions- making sure he was still taking care of his own needs (even if he looked like it already), that they would be hanging out as much as possible the moment she was out of there (she already had several activities planned out), and...

With his little juice bat self nestled in her hair, she asked:

"...why didn't you ever tell me you weren't happy?"

"...hmm?"

"I remember what you said, you know. You said you aren't really that happy."

"...well, why didn't you ever tell me you're never happy?"

"..."

"Besides-"

"I just didn't think you'd care, I guess."

"...Alchemist Cookie-"

"B-but, you always talk about how much you love your life, right...? How do you love your life if you aren't happy??"

"...you know, sis, there's always going to be stuff that makes you unhappy. And sometimes you can't do anything about it. But... I guess what I've learned is... not to think about it all the time. You just have to think about the stuff that makes you happy instead, y'know...? Like, say..." 

She felt his wings pressed down on her head.

"My most precious treasure."

"...what would that be?"

She tilted her head, her eyes shifting upwards despite not making him more visible. He replied, shortly yet sweetly:

"My brilliant little sister who's the smartest Cookie on Earthbread."

"..."

She didn't feel as if she deserved to be called that. But... it felt good hearing someone say it. 

Hearing him say it.

"Love ya, sis."

"...love you too."

For a moment, she didn't really feel sick anymore.

~~~

The poison was finally clearing out of her system; the battle was over, and she had been victorious. But alas, war was not without its casualties:

Dr. Bones Cookie had been quite apologetic, and very apparently frustrated about their own limitations the entire time, even if no one held it against them that they were essentially running an entire miniature hospital by themself. When Alchemist Cookie was finally discharged, she was essentially wheelchair-bound. She wasn't incapable of walking, but the pain and fatigue that it brought was too much to be reasonable, and she was far too at risk of stumbling, falling, getting hurt-

The amount of time it would take to recover her walking ability was uncertain. If she ever did, then the disuse of her legs would likely mean she'd need physical therapy to be able to use them again. But at this point, she was just happy to go home...

Even if she would still need some degree of taking care of. The doctor still recommended she spend most of the day resting at the very least. Her brother would have to take care of her, against all protests of hers. She had been taken care of for long enough. 

She was certain it made him no better than what he had been. 

But he seemed... just fine with this prospect...?

"What if I never get better...? What if you're stuck taking care of me for the rest of my life?"

"C'mon, sis, aren't you the one who goes on about giving stuff in return...? Honestly, you shouldn't have been giving it in the first place, but... hey, at least now you get to sit back and relax, right?"

"..."

"...come on, give yourself a break for once. You deserve it, you know."

...

Recovery really was going to be a long process...

But she had her brother, and he was actually going to put in the effort to moderate himself. And she had never been more happy to be in those grape juice-smelling rooms of their home again.  

(The smell had just barely begun to fade...)

And there at home at last, they were surprised by her brother's friends- Sparkling Cookie had been trusted to watch the house for all the times her brother was out to see her, and with how Vampire Cookie had so excitedly relayed the news to him that she was coming home that day, he had invited Herb Cookie and Mint Choco Cookie over to welcome them home. 

...the latter two were clearly more there for her brother, and she supposed she couldn't blame them as beyond the belated 'thank you's for keeping her alive until the ambulance had arrived, she didn't really have anything to say to them either. They just didn't really know each other that well. 

...

But the former, sitting to the side and patiently listening to the rest, chiming in here and there- she wheeled right up to him and plainly stated:

"I'm sorry."

"...for what?" He tilted his head slightly.

"..." she took a deep breath, in and out: "you were just trying to help me, and I was... really mad at you. You didn't deserve... that."

"...oh. Oh. I see... It's alright, Alchemist Cookie. I'm just happy to see you've recovered from your... sickness..."

He looked deeply uncomfortable with just that one last word. 

"...you don't have to sugarcoat it, you know. I know you're the one who found out."

"..." his smile fell: "I won't pry, but... just know," he said with a gentle tone as he pushed some of her hair away from her face, "you can always come talk to me if you need someone to listen."

"..."

She smiled.

"...thanks, Sparkling Cookie." 

That very night when they had come home together, once everyone else had left and it was just her and her brother again, as she was still getting used to her new mode of movement, Alchemist Cookie found she had trouble getting through the door to her own room. She would be able to just barely reach the doorknob, but the true problem lay in that her door opened outwards... and she wasn't that good at maneuvering herself, thus she didn't know if she could find a way to get around the door hitting her when it opened. She didn't know how to keep it open as she entered, either.

...she ended up having to ask Vampire Cookie for help, already. Just to get the door for her.

(...maybe asking for help wasn't so bad after all...)

She realized immediately upon entering the room how much tidier it was compared to how she had left it, after she had messed it up creating her concoction and neglected to clean up after herself. But now, even that poison of hers had been scrubbed from the cauldron, and under the moonlight through the now open curtains she could see: Neither jam nor venom spat smeared the floor...

Good riddance, she thought.

(She'd have to thank Sparkling Cookie for this, most likely...)

Stains were left behind- forever to remind of that incident, never able to be scrubbed clean. But perhaps some things were best left unforgotten.

Once she was close enough to her bed, she was able to use her limited walking ability to get herself into it. Crumbs, that hurt really bad. 

...and her brother came to tuck her in, even though she tried to reject it. 

"This is humiliating...!"

"There's nothing humiliating about a little TLC, sis."

"It just feels so... It's like you're treating me like a kid."

"...Alchemist Cookie, you are a kid."

"..."

She'd never really thought about it before, but...

She was a kid. Yet she'd never really gotten to be one. Always at work in her lab, always worrying about things she couldn't control... and always taking care of an adult who wouldn't care for himself. That had been her life for so long. That had been her 'normal.'

She didn't know how to live without asphyxia. She had always wanted to breathe, but now that she could, she didn't really know what to do with herself. Everything she could do had long since faded to obscurity in her mind. All those hobbies of hers had grown dusty, forgotten...

But... she could work on it now. She could go out and make friends and read books and look at the stars and do anything she wanted. She could finally enjoy alchemy again.

She had made a mental note earlier, hadn't she...? To get to work on something?

...she could throw that aside for now. Right now wasn't the time for that.

...she could spend quality time with her brother and he wouldn't be too drunk to remember, maybe. A lot of the plans she had come up with for them would probably need modification, given her current indefinite condition, but she wouldn't let anything stop her from having this, now that she had it. 

She knew she could've had it more smoothly, but there was no going back. Things could've been worse, anyways. Better not worrying about things out of her control.

She had bettering things to think about now.

That very second day she was home, after getting changed out of that hospital gown she had left on (getting dressed was difficult, but it was something she could do by herself, lying on her bed...)- which she would have to wash and return later- she had her first real meal in a long time, and he was the one who cooked it. He insisted on learning this on his own, on learning to do things for himself. 

For her.

(He was adamant on washing that hospital gown too)

It tasted... not too bad, really. She could appreciate the effort this time. She put on her best smile, and happily ate away. Even if it wasn't the best.

Maybe someday it could be great.

Just watching her eat seemed to overwhelm her brother with so much emotion, that before she could even take her last bite she found him crying over her shoulder with nothing but pure joy.

"W-welcome back, sis...!"

It had been so long since she had been in another Cookie's embrace and really embraced it for herself; something about it just brought her own emotions out. And the two of them spent a good minute or two crying in that awkward position, him standing next to her sitting at the table by that mediocre meal still cooked with love, just grateful that they were both alive and had each other and that they could finally communicate.

And it was their unspoken promise to put communication above all, because that could've saved them so much hardship in the first place.

And they were never going to let anything like this happen ever again.

Over the course of the month, healing had its bumps in the road. Alchemist Cookie and Vampire Cookie were trying their hardest to get better, to make things better- and they were getting better, of course. But both of them would sometimes fall back into old habits: Vampire Cookie would occasionally fail to keep himself in check, and Alchemist Cookie's issues were a chronic mess. He'd sometimes fall to temptation and drink enough to forget, and in turn she would cry her eyes out and sometimes fall to her darker urges, and he would cry his own eyes out the moment he saw what he caused.

But they were both aware, willing to communicate, and ready to work on it all; For themselves, for each other, for family. They'd try to keep an eye on each other, to keep an eye on themselves- Vampire Cookie especially. And the day he was able to go out to the bar and come home by himself, without needing another Cookie to cut him off- the two of them couldn't have been happier. 

Beginning about a week and a half after she came home, her sessions with Chamomile Cookie were... cathartic, in a sense. She had been hesitant to spill to some Cookie that she didn't know, but the soothing, floral aroma of the cabin was enough to put her mind at ease, and she was assured that she could talk about anything on her mind. Knowing she wasn't forced to wrench things out against her will, she just started talking about her day. 

...and eventually, she started loosening up, started spilling her feelings out over a cup of tea, and she found that a burden had been lifted. Chamomile Cookie would listen to her; that Cookie wasn't that conversational, but she was a Cookie who Alchemist Cookie could confide in. 

She was able to engage more socially with other Cookies again. Pretty much the moment her acquaintances had found out she had 'been sick' (of course, certain details were never to be disclosed) and saw the lingering effects, they were all over her, so to speak. Always well-meaning, but sometimes they were a bit much. 

...she'd never really thought of herself as having many real friends. Maybe really any. She just didn't keep in touch enough. She loved having friends, but they always came and went. But seeing so many Cookies going out of their way to talk to her again made her think, perhaps the problem was just that she hadn't been able to see them.

Gingerbrave was ever the friend to all, of course- the moment he'd seen her rolling around the Cookie Kingdom, he had so many questions about what happened to her and if she was healthy and, really, she didn't want to answer most of them. Fortunately, he wouldn't keeping pressing after she asked him to stop. 

He tried to make an effort to include her in any big events- even if he didn't know too much about how wheelchairs worked or how to accommodate for them. But she did notice some construction work being done on the library for a while, and by the end of it a ramp had been installed. 

She just had a hunch on who ordered that, even if it never directly came up between them. But she had it in her head to repay him someday, whenever she could figure out something suitable.

She was happy to go to the library again. She used to spend so much time there, immersing herself in stacks of books from opening to closing while the the smell of paper would stimulate her hunger for knowledge... 

She decided to try actually checking out the books she'd read this time, to read at home for a change. Things had gotten much brighter around the house anyway; she actually had enough lighting to read, now. She wasn't sure if it was just from opening the curtains or what, but...

One day, she ran into Sparkling Cookie, returning those old textbooks she had memorized over. It... made her laugh once she realized what he'd been doing. Even if she had to thank him again. 

(When had she last laughed, again...?)

Once, and only once, she even had Wizard Cookie of all Cookies just walk up to her out of the blue and hand her a 'get well soon' card, muttering something into his scarf that she couldn't quite make out.

...she couldn't exactly call it a half-hearted effort considering he left an entire hand-written message, but...

'Dear Alchemist Cookie,'

He had written that above the card's printed-on 'Get Well Soon!' message. The rest continued below:

'I sincerely hope that you're in good health right now.

What happened to you? Did you get injured or something? Some kind of alchemical accident?

(P.S. if that's what happened, maybe try MAGIC next 

Actually whatever happened, just get better, will you? It's so BORING without you around! I miss debating with you, honestly. (Don't tell anyone I said that or you're as good as crumbled)

Sincerely,

Wizard Cookie'

...it was so funny to her, she had to stifle a laugh when she read it. This was his best attempt, just to say that he cared...?

...he cared...

Even her bitter rival cared.

...Cookies cared about her. Cookies looked at her when she came by, smiled at her, listened to her speak about alchemy on end...

(And maybe they'd always done that. But she'd never looked for it until now.)

And if no one else had time for her some days, she could always come home and cozy up to her brother on the couch at night, and he'd wrap an arm or his cape around her while she read herself to sleep or ramble to him and he'd try to keep up. And he was so pleasantly cool, just enough to warm her heart.

And whatever the future would be, however much she'd recover in the months proceeding, she knew: It was better.

[astronomeridian]

Hey, I'm really happy that you liked my fic, but could you please think about what you're saying to me—a complete stranger—before you comment?

Here’s the thing: I write mostly E-rated fic. For obvious reasons, the norms for commenting are a little different than in the genfic world, and (to be clear) I deeply appreciate every comment I get.

But every now and then I get a comment that’s something like this:

“Hi! I loved this fic. Here’s a graphic description of the things I did to myself while reading it.”

Or this:

“Hi, I’m in this fic! It was so hot to read about [other half of ship] doing all of those things to me. Thank you for writing about me!”

And. Okay. Let me tread a little carefully.

To start: I am genuinely really happy you liked the fic, and that you're taking the time to tell me that. Most of my NSFW scenes are meant to be titillating. If you find them arousing, that’s great—that’s what I’m going for. If you’re picturing yourself as one half of the pairing, more power to you.

I also don’t know you. Like, at all. You scrolled through AO3 and saw my fic and read the tags and decided to click and read to the end, but I cannot control whether or not your comment shows up in my inbox.

So I hope you can understand why I’m a little uncomfortable when someone I don’t know shares graphic sexual details of their life in my inbox. 

I hope you can understand that no, you’re not in this fic: I wrote this fic about a fictional character that may share your name and face, but who does not exist. And I hope you can understand why it’s uncomfortable and distressing to me when someone tells me that no, actually, this is for me. it’s about me.

I’m happy to hear that you liked the fic. I’m happy to hear that you found it hot. But please keep in mind that I am a stranger that you are approaching on the street, and my consent matters too.

[shortstrawberry]

Hi hey omf I'm so glad you like my art and such cndmnd and even let me request stuff your writing is so amazing btw omf sorry this got me excited hahaha

But yeah yeah you said I can request anything and if it's cool for you to write abt my lil concept of Donna keeping MC's skull w her?? If it's not too much that is hahah I have the context for it in a reblog— Anyways yeah omf you're so cool ncmsns

For the readers, this is the art @knightlystargazer is referencing to. A wonderful and beautiful piece of work!

Also, ask and you shall receive, always!

Now some trigger warnings: Mildish Gore, violence, depiction of mental breakdown and obsession

****

Donna felt the red from her vision clearing away. Still, she only saw red. It was on her clothes, her hands, even on her face. She was covered in red.

The florist knew something has went terribly wrong. The blood was pounding in her ears so loud that she didn't even hear the loud cackling of someone else in her shop. Instead, Donna helplessly stared at her hands, before finally looking down at what she has done.

There, underneath her lay you. The person Donna so dearly loved. Still loves. And you were covered in even more red than Donna. It was all over the floor, and all of it coming from the heart. The very same heart that Donna adored to hear the beat of. Just laying her head against your chest and listening to your heart like it's her own lullaby.

One, two, three, dear lord how many times did I ---?

Donna's hands began to tremble violently, her eyes filling with tears. Her face was so covered in red that anyone would think she was crying tears of blood. And maybe she was, as Donna let out a desperate wail of grief and loss.

The laughter sound of the intruder only got louder at the pained screams of Donna. The florist immediately whipped her face towards the cause of this whole tragedy. The damned monster who has taken away everything from her.

"You! You fucking bitch."

Donna snarled, making Mother Miranda laugh louder. Donna saw red again, but this time it was caused by her own love, and not some twisted spell this witch stabbed her with.

Donna lunged for the woman, her knife ready for taking Miranda's throat. Unlike Miranda who has her cult for protection, Donna has lived her whole life in a war for survival. It wasn't difficult for Donna to physically overpower Miranda.

Donna felt herself crack even more when Miranda just smiled to her face, even with a knife against her throat.

"Go ahead, take my head for all I care. But your so called dolcezza won't come back. Not for you, at least."

Tears burned in Donna's eyes. That's right, what's the use of bloodying her hands with this witch's blood? The timeline would be reset again, and Miranda will make sure that her dolcezza would never even look at her. No, just like the previous rounds, Donna would be a outsider. Trapped in her greenhouse with hemlock and oleanders. Watching everyone else take you away from her.

Donna pushed Miranda away with a frustrated scream, feeling her sanity slipping away like grains of fine sand through a sieve. It's over. It's all over for her. All her life, all Donna has done is to make sure others are happy. Whether it be her sister, Angie, the Dimiterescu family and even this damned Miranda. The one time when she got someone that makes her happy, and it gets taken away.

"Why not spare me just this one round? Just one round?!"

Miranda this time didn't laugh at her. Instead she just looked at a crying Donna with what looks like borderline pity.

"You're just like me. You would have never let go either."

Donna cried harder, dropping to her knees beside her long gone dolcezza. She heard Miranda walking away, but she didn't care. She instead clutched at you, her fingers pressing down on the marks that she has left on the gentle body. Hoping against hope that blood would just stop flowing.

"You promised. You promised. You promised you'll never leave me!"

Donna looked around frantically, searching for something, anything that would keep you with her. Her eyes fell on a potted plant blooming Oleanders.

A flower that means captivating love. A love that is yours forever. A love that she wishes was hers forever.

A twisted smile formed on Donna's red face, knowing what she can do now to keep you with her, forever.

Sarai sempre mio, tesoro

You will always be mine, darling

[amberjazmyn]

"i see him in your eyes, i hear him in your laugh. i think that's why i always found my way back to you..."🫶

pairing : charles leclerc x bianchi!fem reader

summary : after consistently being reunited on the anniversary of the loss of jules and finally allowing the spark to ignite , charles & elena have their wedding day on the 17th of july 2021.

warnings : tears but happy this time, mentions of jules bianchi, childhood friends to lovers to married, mentions of herve leclerc

a/n : like mentioned in the end a/n of the first part, i had to break it into two parts due to reaching the writing block limit or whatever and because i was dumb and all that, i lost all of the last half of what i wrote. and it was because i copied it and then forgot to paste it elsewhere and went to copy the link of the first part to my masterlist so now i have to rewrite it all and i want to scream my house down because it was fucking magnificant and now i have to see if i can remember what i fucking wrote!

17th july 2021 - monte-carlo, monaco

today was the day everyone had been waiting the longest for. it was the wedding day of charles leclerc and elena bianchi. but it was also the six year anniversary since the world alongside the bianchi's and leclerc's lost elena's beautiful brother, jules. but even with such a happy event on what was once such a somber day, they didn't leave out nor did they forget to include jules in every single thing. alongside including charles' father, herve, since no one wanted to have herve forgotten either.

the day had gone smoothly. and now it was the time that everyone had been waiting for. charles had no nerves and hadn't felt shaky at all which people admired as he stood alongside his two brothers and the rest of his closest men in his life at the altar. however, that all changed the second the church doors opened and out came elena and her father philippe.

that was when charles could see his whole world standing in front of him. his soon-to-be wife's smile lighting up the entire church. it had already been fulled with light but the light of elena's smile outshone all of them with just her sweet smile that had never changed over the years the two had known one another. standing next to charles he had his two brothers, enzo and arthur, max, lando, carlos, pierre and joris. elena had the girlfriends of the drivers and her brothers alongside one of their cousins to be paired up with joris.

charles was shocked he was still standing. his legs had started to turn to mush as it felt like it was taking forever for elena and her father to make it to the front of the altar next to him. with his brothers next to him though, charles knew they wouldn't let him fall, because they too, arthur and enzo, were nervous as well. charles and elena had decided if they were going to do one traditional thing at their wedding it was going to be the not seeing one another twenty-fours before their wedding day. even though they loved the idea of having a first look, they decided against it and instead opted for giving one another handwritten notes with a little peek into their written vows to one another to read to the videographer whilst getting ready.

so because they didn't do the first look that was now becoming a more modern tradition at weddings, this was them reuniting with one another and seeing each other again after twenty-four hours. since they couldn't even talk to one another between doors or even text each other. it had been quite literally banned by the bridesmaids and groomsmen. even though they had gone through the twenty-fours without each other perfectly, not even trying to see if they could catch a peek at one another or sneak a cheeky text, it was truly something they'd never do again if they were given the choice.

finally, elena was next to charles at the altar and the celebrant had welcomed everyone and given them permission to sit back down, the ceremony begun. it was a quick introduction and all of a sudden it had gotten to the vows. and even though the only real interaction they had with one another was through the letters they had written and given to each other whilst getting ready and had the teeniest peek to what was being included, it wasn't a real outline of one another's handwritten vows. so because they didn't write their vows together, it was truly a mystery as to what each others vows were. and they loved the thought of getting surprised by one anothers vows since, like mentioned earlier, they didn't really want the typical traditional wedding of saying the traditional sort of vows especially when their love languages were words of affirmation, physical touch and quality time. speaking of the vows, elena was starting them since she had requested to go first and there was no way charles was ever going to be able to argue or say no to her. and besides, he was fine to go second anyway even if he was certain in the fact that he'd be crying during elena's as well as during his own.

taking in a big deep breath, holding charles' hand tightly, elena began her vows. speaking them in english since not everyone at their wedding could speak and understand french.

"charles marc herve perceval leclerc. before i announce to you my promises and vows to you, i just need to tell you that i love you so much and that you have never ever made me doubt your love for me like you think you have. because the truth is, nothing you could say or do could make me doubt you, full stop. even when we weren't attached at the hip after we drifted apart after losing my beloved and beautiful older brother and your beautiful godfather jules. because for those who weren't aware, my family and the leclerc's grew up together and jules, myself, arthur and charles were what was known as the core four. we were attached at the hip. so attached in fact that those around us thought we would die if we weren't next to each other and invading one anothers personal space because for the four of us, with enzo on the rare occasion, had no concept of what the term personal space meant *giggles*..." elena paused to catch her breath before continuing

"...however, that all began to change when things did change. even when the only time we'd get to talk was over the phone or through texts or facetimes, i always knew just how much you loved me. there was never any doubt in my mind that there was a moment in which a switch turned in your mind that changed that feeling that you had for me. nor was there ever a doubt in my mind that the same switch of me not loving you was in my own mind. because there wasn't. there was never a moment in my life where i didn't love you wholeheartedly," she paused again to smile lovingly at charles and to comfort him as everyone watched on

"even when we were towing the thin line between friendship and relationship. even when we were growing up and we didn't know what the word love meant outside of familial love, there was always a small spark that was always ignited when i was around you. so much to the point as we started to grow up, jules and lorenzo amongst those around us started to notice it. everyone except for us because we weren't looking past that familial love due to the fact that both families had grown up together only a mere 28mins apart from each other. however, as we got older things started to change between us and the main one being our relationship since you were starting to inch closer and closer to making it into formula one. and then suzuka 2014 happened and jules had his accident and the world stopped to a grinding halt. we stayed in japan whilst they tried everything they could with their knowledge and it was only enough to bring him back home to france. and then he died. the world was slipped from underneath me and i felt like i was a fish bobbling along for a gasp of air before sinking back down into the depths below me. i watched as you got further in motorsports, reaching f3, f2 and then f1," elena's vows were beautiful but they were only going to get better as charles watched with teary eyes and a huge smile on his face

"but before that, we drifted apart from one another and i think it slowly cut me open that we had drifted apart. through no fault of ourselves but because you had gotten so busy that you had no other choice but to continue on even though you had to watch as i heartbreakingly wanted to give up and almost did. but then, at every anniversary on this very day, we started to magically meet up again on the same day, whether it was in monaco or in france for that one year that i returned back to france *tearful giggles*." everyone giggled at that comment that elena only was in france once during an annviersary for jules

"and we just thought it was a silly conincidence that we were in monaco at the same time for jules one-year anniversary. however, by the second and third year anniversary, we started to realise that it wasn't just a coincidence. there was a reason, a pull from the universe that was bringing us back to one another on this very day for the last six years. it wasn't until the four year anniversary though that it all changed. the spark exploded on that day when i had found you on a beach crying. it broke my heart to find you crying on that beach in monaco. however, you'll never know just how much joy it gave me to see you that day. you had done so well within your sport whereas i had only just made the permanent move to monaco the year earlier to go to university. and it was all because i no longer felt like i was a fish that was drowning and i could finally get up everyday and give myself a reason to wake up..." elena smiled as she continued, proud and shocked by her emotional strength

"...you had told me the reason you were crying and it was because you had found the letter that had a plan within it about how jules wanted to matchmake us together after he had excriciatingly watched us be so oblivious by it. he had written that letter just before he had his final ever race at suzuka..." elena trailed off as sniffles filled the room as her smile stayed unmoved

"...after he had written that letter and that plan, he had given it to arthur with him promising my brother that he'd keep it safe. and if he wasn't going to be alive for the day that his plan of being cupid would actually work and come to furition that it would be arthur that would give charles or myself the letter. except, it wasn't arthur and it was charles that had found it, hence why i had found him crying that day on the beach near my university. well, jules, i am pleased to announce that you playing cupid did work but it was delayed by a few years *tearful giggles*..." elena giggled as she reached her hand to charles' cheek to wipe away the tears that had made their way down

"...whilst it does devastate me that jules had this big of a gut feeling that he wouldn't make it out of that grand prix alive to see this plan work. i'm glad he felt like he could give it to arthur to keep it safe so it wouldn't get lost nor forgotten. it always shocks me to my core that the reason why we are all standing here today is because jules and his soul gave me and charles the light that gave us the guide to find one another on this very day every year. even though we wouldn't see each other on any other day apart from facetime calls and text messages, jules always made sure he had his baby sister and beautiful godson were together on the day he lost his life..." elena took a big breath in as she started to get into the most emotional part of her vows that had her crying to the point there were tears on the little book that she was reading her vows from

"...i mention jules a lot but especially today because whilst this day is now a day filled with happier memories of me and charles beginning our relationship, getting engaged and now married, today was also the day that we did lose jules. and even though he isn't alive to witness this, i can't ignore the fact that the reason why i stand here today and say all of this in front of you is because of jules." elena smiled at her to be husband before she broke eye contact and looked toward the empty chair at the front on charles' that was occupied by a photo frame that housed what elena had always said was her favourite photo of her older brother, jules

"my dear charlie, the reason why i love you so much is all because of jules. not only was he the one that introduced me to you but he was the one that always brought me to you, whether that was when he was alive or when he isn't. in the same way jules loved me, you too loved me. even when i thought i could and would never be loved like that, you still loved me in every version of myself. whether i was on the floor hysterically crying in the gut-wrenching grief of missing jules or if i was having the time of my life and truly radiating joy and laughing. it didn't matter what emotion i was feeling, you never let me forget just how much you truly loved me in the same way jules never let me forget how much he truly loved me. jules...i see him everywhere and everyday but i see him the most in you, charlie. i see him in your eyes, i hear him in your laugh. i think that's why i always found my way back to you even when it seemed as though after the loss of jules we'd never fix that time of us being close in our lives again. but it was then that i should have known that no matter if he's alive or not, jules would never let me stray that far away from you, always bringing me back to my true home and my true love..." it was this part of her vows that really made charles and everyone else cry and emotional, it was like jules was igniting her soul and as though he was standing right next to her as she said all of it

"...charlie, my vows to you are that i'll support you in every single moment in your life. whether it's joyous or it's rock bottom, i want you to know that you will never have to doubt that i won't be there to pick you back up when you fall and celebrate you when you are at the top. i will never go to bed angry because i know life's too short to purposefully hold onto those emotions for too long and because i never want you to think that anything you've done or said has made me angry at you. i never want you to think something you've disagreed with or had a different opinion to me about is of less importance than mine. i want you to know that anything you say to me is important whether it is classed as 'stupid' or not. i want you to know you can trust me with everything and anything in your life. i want you to know that i will go through water, fire, and the deepest ocean to fight for you and make sure you are happy because seeing you upset, angry, insecure is devastating and i never want you to have to go through those same negative emotions that i went through. but in saying that, if you do get sad, angry or insecure, i want you to know that i will be there to pick you right back up because i don't want you to not be supported like i wasn't..." elena trailed off as she stared into charles' eyes as she smiled

"...i promise i'll cry with you, i'll be at every single grand prix because i can't stand only seeing you on the same day once a year *laughter*. and you best believe i'll be wearing all the ferrari gear in support of my gorgeous husband and his just as gorgeous teammate *laughter*. and i also promise that i'll dance with you in every corner of our house, i'll sing with you even though you really can't sing and should only stick to f1 *laughter* and i will always make sure that no matter how quickly or how long it takes, that i will make sure you get the loving, happy family of your own that you've always wanted. i love you so much my dearest charlie and i don't think i could find anyone else in this world to be marrying but you. i owe all of this life and my joy to you," elena smiles as she gives her vow book back to her maid of honour, rebecca, carlos' girlfriend

it was silent for a moment or two since everyone was in shock at elena's vows. they were the best wedding vows every single person in that church had heard before by a bride or a groom. the church then erupted into booms of cheers and whistles as elena shyly giggled. the day she had written her vows she had written them on the same beach that she had heard and found charles crying back in 2019 on the four-year anniversary. and charles had no idea because he was having fun in the water alongside carlos, max, lando, daniel, joris, enzo and arthur. the girlfriends though were surrounding elena as she wrote them even though every time elena lifted her head up to crack her neck, the girls quickly looked away and continued their 'tanning session' only for them to be little nosy nellies and go back to watching elena write her vows the second she'd put her head back down and continue writing. however, they truly had no idea that these were the vows she had written. and they were blown away, it was as though edgar allen poe had written them just because of how poetic her words were.

now it was charles' turn and he was now freaking out. taking in a deep breath the same way elena did before hers, elena held charles' free hand tightly, caressing his hand as they smiled at one another.

"elena alexandra bianchi. before i announce to you and this church my vows to you, i thought it was important to remind you of just how much i love you. we always fight that we love one another more than the other. it's funny, truly because of how heated these arguments get *giggles*. however, the reason why i tell you that i love you more isn't just to one up you or because i'm making it into a competition of who loves who more because i'm never saying that i could love you more than you could love me. i say i love you more because i love you more than the bad days ahead of us. i love you more than any fight we will ever have. i love you more than any obstacle we'll face whether that's in regards to us getting pregnant or any illnesses. i love you more than i'll love formula one because whilst that is my job and something i love, that will never take the crown when it's lined up next to you. i love you more than comfortable silence that we can sit in for hours. i love you more than hearing a chord progression of my piano. i love you more than anything in this world could make me love. i could never pretend to love you, even when we were growing up it never crossed my mind that loving you was a joke or that it wasn't something i made up or that it wasn't real..." charles was doing amazingly, he had managed to compose himself to the point where he was only teary-eyed but it was clear he was back to the verge of those tears slipping down his cheeks

"...i'm not someone who tends to regret things in my life because that's not how i like to live my life. however, if i was to say i have one regret in my life, it would have been the ways in which i lied to my father herve, my godfather jules and you when we weren't dating but on that fine line between being just friends and something more. i dont even regret lying to myself because i don't need nor deserve that apology but you three, my father and jules do need it. i remember the day of jules accident, it was just before he was leaving so he could start the race when he walked past me and stopped me. telling me he had to tell me something important and that it was about you. and of course, the second your name was mentioned, i was locked in and nothing could break that focus *tearful giggles*. he had told me that the reason why you would hug me so tightly because since forever, you've given me and no one else, the tightest, most home-like hugs. jules had said it was because...because you were so worried i would disappear into thin air. but he had also mentioned something else and it had taken me by surprise that i didn't know how to react. i mentioned this earlier but the hugs i got from you, elena, were hugs that no one else was allowed to have. they were only reserved for me and it wasn't until jules had brought it up before that race that i realised. he had told me that he reason why you would hug me so tight was because you were so scared of losing me in the same way you would lose jules everytime he left for a race and when you hugged me, it was you projecting the way you felt so frightened for jules and how much you missed him onto me because of the fact you were in love with me and you were so worried you were going to lose me in the same way we ended up losing jules. and because i'm seen as jules' replacement, it was easy for you to project those feelings to me when we'd hug because that was when i realised that was the same reason why i'd hug you so tightly as well..." charles trailed off as his tears started to stream down his cheeks as elena smiled and wiped them away

"...that night after we told one another our last ever interactions with jules without even realising it would be forever, you had also said something that still makes me feel uneasy. you had made a pinky promise with jules that if he had made the podium at the end of that race that he would finally get the charles x elena hug that he had always wanted but was never able to get. after you told me that, of course my heart shattered but then i pulled you into the tight hug that had meant to be reserved for jules that night..." charles' voice cracked as it failed away, closing his eyes as his head dropped down

elena's heart breaking as she brought her hand to his cheek and softly lifted his head up. resting her forehead against his, she softly reassured him and told him to keep going. he was doing a beautiful job and from the looks of it, he hadn't had that much left of his vows left. nodding his head, he composed himself and continued.

"...all my life i had always looked up to jules and aspired to follow him through life. and unfortunately, i'll never get that opportunity for that ended on this very day six years ago. but for the last three years now, beautiful and more happier memories have been made on this day. like me finally asking you to be my girlfriend after you found me crying over finding jules' letter on the beach in monte-carlo *tearful giggles*. me proposing to you the year after that in 2020 during the afterparty that had us celebrating pierre's win at the italian grand prix in monza. and now today, the day in which i vow you my entire life, to support you when you are struggling, to laugh and cry with you. to love you without hesitation and without fear of being judged. to help give and provide for our family that i'll help with raising. to do anything you ask even if it means leaving formula one if it is what needs to happen. today is the day that i say i do want to marry you. today is the day i stand here proudly and say that there is no one else i could dream about marrying because there is no one in this world or in any universe that even comes close to you and the way you make me feel. nor is there anyone else in this world and universe that could light up my life in the same way you light up every place you walk into. i know this is something you've never actually asked me but i promise that in every single universe that could have existed in this world that isn't this one, i would find you and i'd love you in every single one. even if it meant in a different universe this day wasn't happening, this burning love i feel wouldn't disappear. but i am happy to say that in this universe i don't have to worry about that day ever happening that i'd have to doubt your love for me. i love you so much, elena alexandra bianchi and if it's anyone's honour to be loved in this relationship, it's me..." charles trails off as everyone thinks he is done but with a cheeky but tearful smile he continues as everyone giggles at the antics

"...elena, i also promise you that i will be your biggest fan and your biggest confidant. i promise to always fight for you and with you, even if the fight is as serious as fighting over which colour we should paint the walls *tearful giggles*. i promise to trust and value your opinions because no matter how much you tell me it's stupid or not important, it is. i promise to always validate your emotions because it's not silly or stupid if you are crying over a movie or over missing jules. nor is it silly or stupid if you are jumping from wall to wall because of something that you are so excited over like your favourite singer or band. i never want you to think you can't come to me when you are crying or when you are speaking so quickly to the point it's not elligible because you are so excited. i also promise the silly things like sharing my food with you, letting you look so much more better in my clothes than me *giggles*, to share the piano with you because whilst you like to be modest about it, you really are an amazing pianist and to share the highs and lows of this wonderful thing we call life as the leclerc's. whilst it may be an uphill climb it's not too much of a climb that it has to be done alone. and i also promise that i will always choose you over and over again even when you force me to choose something different, i never will because there isn't something different that i would want, only you. falling for you wasn't falling at all, elena. it was walking into a house and knowing you're home." was how charles finished his vows and similar to elena it was silent

of course, everyone knew that english wasn't the easiest language for charles. however, it was as though he was as fluent as a fluent english speaker could get. whilst his accent peaked through on the odd quiver of emotion, it never lasted too long. applause finally erupted through the church as it echoed as everyone finally remembered that applauding was in fact what they were supposed to be doing. and then, came the part that everyone had been longing the entire ceremony for. the moment in which charles and elena were finally mr and mrs leclerc.

"...now that our couple have said they do agree on holy matrimony, it is my biggest honour to announce to this congregation of those that are loved by the couple that i am introducing you all to mr and mrs charles and elena leclerc!" cheers and squeals of excitement overwhelmed the giggling celebrant as he continued when the noise fizzled out

"charles, you may now finally kiss your bride!" he announced before stepping out of the way so the photographer could get photos of the kiss

once again, cheers and squeals bounched between the walls of the church as charles dipped his beautiful wife down to the floor. his hand on the base of her back and the other supporting her head as elena giggled wholeheartedly into the kiss. everyone watching on with huge smiles and teary faces as their hands began to feel sore from all the applause. charles and elena finally broke out of the kiss as they then walked back down the aisle together as husband and wife whilst the wedding party followed behind them.

❤️

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elenaleclerc taking a page out of my vows for this caption: "it didn't matter what emotion i was feeling, you never let me forget just how much you truly loved me in the same way jules never let me forget how much he truly loved me. jules...i see him everywhere and everyday but i see him the most in you, charlie. i see him in your eyes, i hear him in your laugh. i think that's why i always found my way back to you even when it seemed as though after the loss of jules we'd never fix that time of us being close in our lives again. but it was then that i should have known that no matter if he's alive or not, jules would never let me stray that far away from you, always bringing me back to my true home and my true love."

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charlesleclerc putain, tu m'as encore fait pleurer chérie fuck, you got me crying again sweetheart. i love you so much my angel forever and always

elenaleclerc charlesleclerc i love you so much more my charlie!

maxverstappen1 that singular moment in your vows had me sobbing, elena and i'm on the verge of being in that state once again!

elenaleclerc maxverstappen maxie, you are such a sweetheart! and i am so shocked that i wasn't crying because i was weeping when i wrote them down whilst we had that beach day

kellypiquet oh my gosh, that passage of your vows had me and max SOBBING! i can't even, elena, you are quite literally a poet!

elenaleclerc kellypiquet oh stop it, kelly, i am by no means a poet even though i am at university for advanced english literature.

landonorris jesus lord no, not this passage again! i just finished crying over it and now i'm gonna start crying all over again!

elenaleclerc landonorris i'm sorry lando but i just had to, it's my favourite excerpt of my vows! it's okay if it's too much for little lando norris, i still love you!

carlossainz55 the best part of the vows for sure my love! you had all of us in tears

elenaleclerc carlossainz55 oh carlos, that is so sweet of you to say so thank you! and i will issue a public apology for the tears and dehydration you all went through!

iamrebeccad i am biting my cheeks so hard to not cry reading this post rn, elena!

elenaleclerc iamrebeccad oh i love you rebecca, so much!

francisca.cgomes these photos with that specific passage omg i'm gonna scream, cry and throw up!

elenaleclerc francisca.cgomes i don't think you're the only one doing that kika haha

oscarpiastri these words were heartbreaking but in the best way possible, elena!

elenaleclerc oscarpiastri thank you oscie! i'm glad you and lily could make it!

arthurleclerc don't make me cry again, elena!

elenaleclerc arthurleclerc i'm sorry thuthur, i'll make it up to you i promise!

sebastianvettel beautiful words, elena! jules is for sure the soul that brought you and charles back to each other

elenaleclerc sebastianvettel thank you seb and jules truly is the soul that made all of this happen and i am so grateful for it!

f1gossip omg i am crying! and if that's only one passage of your vows then i can only imagine the rest of your vows and how much i'd cry reading the rest!

elenaleclerc f1gossip aw, you are so sweet! and trust me, whilst this one was the passage that made everyone cry the most, there was one other one that was just as close! i promise we'll post the wedding video as soon as we get it with me and charles' full vows included xx

bianchiphotos i think i just heard my heart stop @ "i see him in your eyes, i hear him in your laugh. i think that's why i always found my way back to you even when it seemed as though after the loss of jules we'd never fix that time of us being close in our lives again." and at "my charlie". definitely sleeping, crying and throwing up on the highway tonight because if someone doesn't love me like that then i don't want it!

elenaleclerc bianchiphotos omg you are so sweet! and i think a couple more people are going to join you on that highway tonight but don't stay there for too long, it's too dangerous sweetie xx

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charlesleclerc copying my wife, here is my favourite passage from my vows: "and i also promise that i will always choose you over and over again even when you force me to choose something different, i never will because there isn't something different that i would want, only you. falling for you wasn't falling at all, elena. it was walking into a house and knowing you're home."

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elenaleclerc i love you so much my charlie! i don't want something different either because nothing is better than you

charlesleclerc elenaleclerc my beautiful wife forever and ever

pierregasly why are you guys still trying to make us cry? the wedding was yesterday, surely you can let us survive one day without crying again!

charlesleclerc pierregasly i'm sorry, i just couldn't wait any longer to post the photos!

lewishamilton beautiful words charles! congratulations once again to you and elena's wedding, it was an honour to be apart of it!

charlesleclerc lewishamilton thank you lewis, it was a pleasure and honour having you there as our guest!

maxverstappen1 surprise surprise, i'm back to crying again

charlesleclerc maxverstappen1 haha i really am sorry!

leclerc_pascale i love you my precious boy! congratulations to you and beautiful elena

charlesleclerc leclerc_pascale i love you too maman and elena sends her love as well

philippebianchi thank you for making my baby girl the happiest she's ever been! jules is for sure glad that his plan worked

charlesleclerc philippebianchi thank you philippe for still letting me love your daughter even after the distance that we had between us and yes, jules is definitely glad it worked

f1gossip jesus, charles, your vows are also making me cry! do i wanna know the rest of your vows as well? back to the highway we all go!

charlesleclerc f1gossip haha, i am sorry! and omg please don't go to the highway, that's dangerous!

username oh, i just realised elena calls charles "my charlie" and now i don't know if that's the sweetest thing in the world or if i wanna follow f1gossip and sleep on the highway

charlesleclerc username like i said to f1gossip please don't go to the highway it's dangerous and cold! and yes, it melts my heart too and makes me get teary-eyed when she calls me 'my charlie' as well!

arthurleclerc another set of vows that had me crying, yay me!

charlesleclerc arthurleclerc haha, max basically commented the same thing!

username "even when you force me to choose something different, i never will because there isn't something different that i would want, only you" - i want that, someone, anyone...please? can i have this too?

charlesleclerc username i promise you will get it one day, it may not be in this near future but it will happen and you'll get to look back to this post and this comment and be happy that you have it xx

fin

well, even though i had to rewrite it all, i think i managed to remember majority of the vows except i do think this version was a hell of a lot better than the first one. but now it's finished i am so relieved since this had been in my drafts for a few days now which never usually happens. so i hope you guys do enjoy this happy ending because i truly think this two-parter is one of my favourites i've ever written! also, just realised in this part that i had been spelling philippe bianchi, jules bianchi's dad's, name wrong the whole time until i properly looked up the spelling so, that is my bad so i will change the spelling if i mention philippe in the first part tomorrow since it's way past midnight when i'm finally posting this!

[jevilowo]

CHAT I FUCKED UP

Actually no Jay Pinkerton and the other guy fucked up fuck them

Im dying. Read my timeline.