But I’m in pain... as I lay barely awake in bed typing this, I know I have to let it all out before I forget again.
It’s all in my chest, it’s heavy.. the rest of my limbs feel featherweight. I am as stuck to the sheets of my bed as I am to the idea there is no end to me and you. The slightest thought of the final chapter binds me to this spot. And as the weight of this feeling begins to turn me claustrophobic, I have already sunk further into oblivion.
Mid January
three solid weeks of cold rain
(Wilton flooded by the Consumnes River)
and finally a sunny perfect day
crisp and cool with a pale blue sky
only a few gentle wisps of a cloud
here and there like a mother’s smile
three weeks of rain after three years of drought
the sun is beautiful but -oh-
touch my heart with rain
touch my heart with the great gray wetness
it's days like these that make me wonder if the black hole does not surround me, but is within me. and so i ought to wonder, did i create this black hole? did i not maintain my star, and she turned into a supernova - an incredible feat of beauty, a burst of energy and hope and dazzling spectacle, before fizzing into nothing but darkness? or had my star merely reached its lifetime?
or, we are all made of stardust - iron can only be naturally created from the cores of dying stars. so what am i? am i the sun, warming myself & others in all my glory, with billions of years of existence ahead? or am i already at the end; an exploding supernova that turns into nothing but the vitamin that flows through others' veins?
I loved you before I even knew what love was and after I did, I realized I’d never have a love like this again. You crept your way into all the parts of my heart and even when we walked away, the remnants of you remained.
My son’s flowers
Are sun flowers
He grew them all from seed,
Tucked them deep into the earth,
Provided all they need.
My son’s flowers
Are sun flowers
They raced towards the sky,
Grew out green and leafy hands
High fived as he walked by.
My son’s flowers
Are sun flowers
Their petals soon unfurled,
Into the shy and youthful dawn
Of a bright and hopeful world.
My son’s flowers
Are sun flowers
They stood with pride and grace,
Then turned their newly opened blooms
To his wide and open face.
My son’s flowers
Are sun flowers
They’ve known him from the start,
He fed their roots, he fed their stems
And now they feed his heart.
these words
this nam shub
this fucking cringe
I have written here
The sad fat fiat fuck cunt cuck
no coin shill
led around by her dick
inside us all
He ($he) dances here
in atrazine and inflammation
sugar and Suge Knight
fountains of eternal youth
september forever
These suitcases of meaning
mirages ( mirrors )
into which we carefully stuff
so we can still carry on
so we can understand our identiology
Heavy as bricks
throw them thru glass houses
of AI Blockchain transparency
and brick by bit we build
the rockets of Babylon
Snatch my purse
of debts and regrets
grab me by my shibboleths
the albatross around my neck
an icy hot wallet of guilt
an anchor in an open sea
an io.u
It only weighs me down
I will fly to Mars on hope and hot air
The children of earth will wish on satellites
Starlight, Starlink
help me not to pol think