Porthos: you're sick! Your temperature is 104.1!
Aramis: I'm not sick! If I was sick, could I do this?
Aramis: ... *stares intently at Porthos*
Athos: what are you doing?
Aramis: ...cartwheels. Am I not doing them?
D'Artagnan, softly: no.
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porthos du vallon from the 2014 series is truly the most character ever. he eats racists for breakfast. he's the beefiest man alive. he's got a cool scar across his eye. one time a little girl asked him if he was a giant. his preferred methods of communication are grunts and thunderous laughter. he dresses exclusively in leather and chemises and bandanas and gold earrings and big hats. he would not suspect two people are sleeping together if they fucked in front of him. he picked his own birthday. he loves his mom. he can wrestle half a dozen men at the same time and win. he's in love with his best friends. he doesn't have daddy issues, his daddies have issues with him. he can shoot a melon on top of someone's head but only if he's drunk. he's got the biggest dick in paris. he grew up in a kingdom of thieves. he consistently worries about the common people first when facing a political problem. he owns a book of poetry. he peptalked a lesbian into giving birth. they paired him off with that very same lesbian in the literal last episode of the show so he could fit the straight ending but i know a lavander marriage when i see one so it's okay
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MUSKETEERS FLUFF DIALOGUE
"Alright, I'll let you get some sleep." "Wait, stay. Please?"
"Is this ok?" "More than ok, much more than ok."
“I was never a morning person, but then I started waking up to your face and you know… Maybe mornings aren’t that bad, after all.”
"I didn't see it coming myself but I can't stop thinking about you."
“It’s always been you, and it will always be you. Please never forget that.”
“My heart stopped that day, and when we met, it only started beating again for you”
“You are my home, you have been since we met”
“a man could hold the weight of worlds, but he could never carry the love i have for you.”
"I'll take over from here, go get some rest"
"what if i told you i love you? and not just as your friend."
“I like it when your face is all red.”
“...Did you just kiss me?” “Yes.”
“Give me a chance.” “A chance for what?” “A chance to prove you that I can make you happy.”
"so why are you avoiding me?” “Because every time I see you, all I can think about is kissing you and I don’t know how I’m supposed to feel about that.”
"I wish you could see yourself the way I see you." "It doesn't matter, because I'm looking at you and I'm the happiest I've ever been."
“Apparently all our friends have a bet going that we end up together.”
“i’ve been falling in love with you since the first day we met”
"No one else can compare to your loveliness,”
“When do you think help will come?” “Not for a while, I guess we’re stranded here alone for the time being.”
“would you stop being so lovely, I’m trying to concentrate.”
“put me down.” “just enjoy the view love.”
“you're my everything. my world.”
“my heart is so full of you i can hardly call it my own.”
“Give the stars a break, you’re making them jealous.”
"There's no one like you, darling."
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Porthos: So obviously you and me, we're dog people, right?
D'Artagnan, nodding enthusiastically: Agreed.
Porthos: And Athos and Aramis are both cat people.
D'Artagnan: What, from the way they circle each other, hissing one minute, then are all cuddly the next?
Porthos: Yeah, but also… [points]
Athos: [glowers unblinking at everyone from the post he's leaning against]
Aramis to cadet: No, no, no - you have to leave at least one of them alive, otherwise how will they be able to relish their defeat?
D'Artagnan: I see what you mean. Hey, wanna wrestle?
Porthos: Yeah!
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honestly the musketeers 2014 has a lot of writing icks for me but fuck if that isnt the BEST version of porthos ive seen. fucking fantastic character
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Climbing up on my soapbox to say that Porthos is the best character in the BBC Musketeers. Hands down, I love him, he's fantastic.
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