#portuguese sayings in english are funny as hell

[heavenknowsffs]

Me, drunk, trying to speak english and translating things literally: "take the horse from the rain that you won't get nothing from here"

[alastorsfuckassuglyassbob]

It's so funny how in the Portuguese version of Hell's Greatest Dad, when Lucifer says, "Hold on now!" He says instead, "Pera um pouquinho, meu filho…" Which translates to "Wait a minute, My son!" It's like not even funny in hindsight, but he just sounds less angry at him, and more so disappointed 😭 at whatever this mf is doing, like he's disappointed in his actions, like he's scolding someone way younger than him...Which technically is the case, since Lucifer is WAYYYYYYYYYY older than Alastor, but you get what I mean 😭😭 I fucking love Hazbin Hotel dubs, my favorites are Italian and Spanish. And French, speaking of French dub, in their version of Respectless, Carmilla calls Velvette, "Little girl" Like she probably meant it in a degrading way, but it's like funny, it's like she's yelling at a kid, like, "DID YOU THINK WE'D TAKE THIS DISRESPECT FROM AN INSOLENT LITTLE GIRL?!" She said something along those lines, which doesn't exactly sound like something you'd say to a child, but still 🤷🏿‍♀️. If you have a favorite dub, what is it? And what's your fav song, or scene from it. I also like the infamous scene in the Japanese dub, where Alastor fucking laughs like Mr. Krabs, or some shit like that, cuz wtf even was that??? 😭 like it's a BIG difference from the English one, like..

(Also, I could very well be wrong with the translations. I only know English, and some Spanish, so correct me if I'm wrong.)

[neowinestainedress]

rebs!! within europe, which country would you say have many polyglots?

i personally think it's italy bc i think people there understand 2/3 other languages beyond intermediate level? do you think italy provides solid language-learning system in schools (compared to your european counterparts)?

This is longer than I expected, I had many complaints to do lmao

Honestly, I have no idea... I think Italy sucks when it comes to teaching languages. I learned English by myself because in elementary school the English teacher was never the same and every year we basically did the same things over and over again. In middle school I had better teachers but I didn't have a base so I struggled a lot and one direction and tv series saved my ass. In high school we do grammar for the first two years and then the other three are just literature, so if you're fluent, you're fine, but if you're not, it's going to be hell. (Probably it depends on the professor too, mine was pretty strict and I found her funny and iconic only because I was good, but some of my friends that weren't fluent hated her a lot, and they were right)

We only do another language in middle school (either French or Spanish). I learned French but yeah... The professors were terrible, I only had a good one in the second year but it wasn't enough. I mean, I was better at French than English back then, but I hated it so much I almost completely lost all my knowledge after.

After middle school, if you want to study languages there's the "linguistic high school" but from what I know it's not like it's much better, especially for languages like German or Chinese.

In Italy there are some regions that have other official languages like French, German, and Albanian (don't know if it's official, but a lot of small countries in the east-south speak it).

I just think Italians are slick and most of the time speak with their bodies, and when it comes to understanding others we are not like French (sorry not sorry) and even if the pronunciation is not perfect we just think about getting to the point. Also, quoting that tweet that was popular saying "Portuguese, Spanish and Italian speakers understanding each other without speaking the same language" it's true. We have the same roots so for survival needs I think we can communicate pretty well, and at least understand what we're saying. Still, I don't think many of us are fluent in more than another language. But probably I'm thinking too much about the older generation, idk the younger ones seem to be more interested in languages, I think the Universities that involve languages are the most popular rn, so this could change in the next few years? But we are also a very old country (many old people and no newborns) so I don't think I'm wrong for now.

I would say Switzerland is the most polyglot because they speak Italian, French and German but it's based on the cantons, so I'm not sure they speak more languages in a single one. The other one is probably Germany. They seem like the most open-minded and also very global, but I don't know much about the school system.

In conclusion, I think that the Italian school system is just really hard and puts students under a lot of stress without making them accomplish a lot, and that involves languages too. I wish I was the only one, but if you ask young people where they learned English, 80% of them will answer like I did, on their own, with music, movies, and fanfictions... that tells you everything about how the system teaches languages. Also, I think that the ones speaking more languages are the mixed couples children (I'm one, but for reasons, my Spanish is hanging on a thin line) and the second generations' children that speak Italian, their parent's language, and one or two that they learn later on. But white Italians? Either they're passionate about it or they don't care. This is also why I talked about being open-minded, unfortunately, Italy is going through a very bad fascist turn of events again and foreign languages are seen as threats, the prime minister wants to fine people for using English words when they speak, and that's all from 1925. Not saying that if you don't speak other languages you're fascist, but that's another factor to consider when you analyze the way people act when it comes to the topic, you simply might not be good at that (just like some people are not good at math, or art and so on) but that doesn't give you the right to push foreign languages down or mock them, or treat people that spend time learning a new one as if they're stupid.

So what I'm thinking is, in the new generation there's a lot of us speaking more than 2/3 languages but I think at least 70% is because those are already the mother tongues (so Italian because they were born and raised here and then the one they speak with the family) the rest is taught at school but only if you want to learn them. Considering the oldest generation makes up most of this country, I still think we're losing compared to other places in Europe.

This turned into a rant, and you just learned to never ask me anything ever again I'M SO SORRY PLEASE FORGIVE ME

Also, can you explain why you think we're almost fluent in 2/3 languages? I'm curious to know why it looks like this on the outside.

[mayisgoingnuts]

It's so funny how at the same time that being a brazilian speaking english in the tickle community I feel powerful, I'm actually not

Like: hell yeah, no variations of the 't-word' affect me, I can say and write them all so easily Tickle tickling ticklish tickly tickles graah  t i c k l e

But then I remember that in my language there's literal NO better version for that word.

There's no "I'm ticklish", "That tickles", "I feel tickly" No. A single word for EVERYTHING: 'Cócegas' AND IT'S SO. DAMN. FLUSTERING AND CHILDISH.

LIKE YEAH there's some other versions but THEY JUST MAKE IT WORSE KFJDJFKD 'Cócegas' can turn into 'Coceguinha', 'Cosquinha', 'Cócega', AND THEY'RE ALL LIKE SAYING LIL TICKLES

People in the tkl community who's main language isn't portuguese will never understand the pain of not having any better variety for the t-word

[livsoulsecrets]

Rating Brazilian characters in foreign media (updated)

Jenny Kord (Blue Beetle)

Where do I start? Bruna Marquezine on her first Hollywood movie, playing a wonderful, brilliant important character in a DC movie. 10/10. I loved every second of Blue Beetle, I don’t care what anyone says, Jenny owns me. She spoke 3 words total in Portuguese and I was ready to give up my firstborn for her.

Iván Carvalho (Elite)

The whole “I’m in love with this guy who’s fucking my dad while I’m fucking his sister” thing? That could be the plot of a Brazilian soap opera any day, so 8/10 just for the pure chaos of that. I know it’s messy af, but it’s refreshing to see Brazilians that are not trafficking drugs or being thugs, so I’ll gladly welcome the chaos.

Also, I love how the show included the conversations in Portuguese between him and his dad. It makes no sense for two characters who are fluent in a language not to speak it with each other when they are alone or emotional, especially if they’re family.

Emilia Alo

I have been obsessed with Gigi for years now and she’s very talented, so I of course love Emilia. It’s great to hear her saying Portuguese words during her dialogues and singing Brazilian songs. I do wish the show gave her more screen time though, so I’m giving this a 8/10

Also, it’s amazing to see a Brazilian character that’s bisexual and an artist in a mainstream Netflix show!

Marlon Sousa (Surviving Summer)

I know nobody watches this show but it was a really good surprise, similar to Ivan’s case, it has dialogues in Portuguese between Marlon and his mom, which is always great to see! It even has a scene where the character briefly talks about how hard it was to adapt to a new country and language and how important surf was to him in that process, overall 8/10

Roberto da Costa/Sunspot (The new mutants)

Burn it. Burn the whole thing down. Shamelessly white washing one of the few Brazilian superheroes (are we even surprised though, coming from Marvel?) was ridiculous. What the hell were they thinking, -100000/10

Vanessa (Taxi)

Look, is this movie good, objectively speaking? No.

Was this character a robber and a criminal - very stereotypically so? Yes.

Was Gisele Bündchen drop dead gorgeous in this and my gay awakening? Also yes.

So I’ll give her 7/10 for this sole reason

Paolo Montes (Trials of Apollo)

Look he is a very minor character with barely any lines and quite stereotypical features. That being said, he’s quite Brazilian in his refusal to say things in English, just speaking Portuguese nonstop and leaving the gringos to figure it out, which I love. Also the Brazilian kid having the worst luck and being Hebe’s son is quite funny. So I’ll give him 7/10

Eduardo Saverin (The social network)

Okay. I get it. Andrew is great, the whole “smacking a keyboard down” scene is amazing. It’s a 2010 movie, made before representation was a hot topic.

All that being said, the character is based in a real person. Kid’s name is Eduardo. He was born in Brazil, even though he was raised in the states.

Rubs me the wrong way he’s not played by a actor with a similar background. However, Eduardo, just like Andrew, is of Jewish descent through his immigrant grandparents, which is very accurate. Win some, lose some, I guess. Give it a 5/10 I suppose?

Honorable mention:

Rio

It’s a movie about blue macaws (Araras azuis in Portuguese), not a character in itself, so no ratings.

Even though it’s an USA-made movie, Rodrigo Santoro (all of our mothers’ crushes and a famous Brazilian actor) plays the main human character and the director is Brazilian. The songs are great, but English simply doesn’t do this movie justice.

This film in Portuguese marked my childhood, which is a testament to how great Brazilian dubbing is. Please listen to Hot Wings (Brazilian version).

Note: I know there were a few Brazilians in Shameless, never watched the shows but know they were drug dealers - which, yeah, not fun. I did see some scenes where Portuguese was being spoken though and it was quite funny.

[supitsgdo]

Book review: Death with Interruptions by Jose Saramago

Rating: 5⭐️

Not gonna lie, reading Saramago was harsh for me (and I'm Portuguese... I can't imagine the translations). I know I read a lot of fantasy books and lately I’ve been trying to read more classics. I couldn't miss José Saramago. He was one of the best portuguese writers and his books are written in a peculiar way (the text is long and its punctuation is predominantly commas. And once in a while a period. Dialogue is distinguished by capital letters and commas. I could say: he writes like people think). In my time, we read O Memorial do Convento (Baltasar and Blimunda, in English) in school but I didn't pay any attention to it (only on the school trip we did to Mafra), because I usually didn't care about the books we were taught in school.

But As Intermitências da Morte (Death with Interruptions) was a book I was really interested in. So I finally gave it a shot.

Well, I found the book really funny, I enjoyed it quite a lot. Every chapter was a different story from the outcome of the interruptions of death, and humor was always there.

But at the same time it was hard to read it. I had to be realllllllllly focused not to lose track of the narrative or who was saying what or what the hell was happening, because in the same paragraph he would change the topic real fast. And believe me, they are some BIG ASS PARAGRAPHS!

What made this book into 5⭐ was the end. The ending was beautiful.

[cunning-and-cool]

even more nico di angelo headcanons, because i want too:

- nico has the regular ear piercings (one on each side) and typically wears simple studs, but occasionally pulls out fancier gem ones when he goes to do something important or wants to dress up.

- but tattoos. he has so many tattoos. personal ones; for both his sisters, the matching one that everybody apart of the seven's quest got, skulls, blades, butterflies, flowers, graves, and such. they're mostly on his upper body.

- but he also a bunch of death deities symbols from different pantheons; the greek, roman, norse, egyptian, aztec, celtic, japanese, indigenous, ect, ect. the symbols make up a sleeve on his right arm. it's a very packed sleeve.

- he's ambidextrous!! primarily uses his right hand for writing due to being taught with his right hand (hello catholic upbringing), but left hand-leaning when he fights.

- changes out his sword for twin daggers around his eighteen birthday, he still carries his sword but relies more on his daggers in a fight. they're still made of stygian iron, and about 10 inches (25cm) long.

- and speaking of birthday's! his friends always get him cards that say his actual age--as in, his chronological age. he pretends not to find it funny. there's always one (1) old age gift, like a walker or slippers.

- always knows a guy. will never talk about how he knows said guy. do not ask how he knows the guy.

- he speaks,,,,so many languages. in no specific order he speaks: Italian, Ancient and Modern Greek, English, French, German, Latin, Spanish, Japanese, Arabic, Russian, Dutch, Portuguese, ASL, Mandarin, and more. vague about where he learned them.

- has the weirdest manners ever. will punch a god in the face. always says please and thank you. respects authority who respect him. will offer to help clean up. will make uncomfortable direct eye contact. opens the door for people. has shown up with busted up knuckles and apologized for it.

- reinstates himself as a living person by pretending to be his own grandson. gets his inheritance and estate back from his mother's side. yes, he is rich as hell on both sides of his family tree.

- his style is so weird. sometimes he shows up in full three piece suits. sometimes he shows up in sweat pants and a crop top. owns like five leather jackets. wears sweaters he stole from his friends. usually wears gloves with his outfit.

- he runs cold! has been described as running "corpse cold". it's why he usually wears gloves, because the coldness make people uncomfy.

- literally does not understand money and doesn't care enough to learn. why would he? prices don't matter to him.

- he doesn't go to college. he doesn't want to go to college. he has a high school diploma and will not hear anything about further education. could he get a degree? absolutely. but he doesn't want one.

- might dabble in magic occasionally. might have a weird magic candle the burns eternally. the flame might change colour when certain things happen. who knows! certianly not his friends!

- greets deities by their names. doesn't matter what religion they're from. he makes direct eye contact and greets them by name.

- stress cleans. nobody has any idea why, but he stress cleans. he gets stressed a lot so wherever he's living at the time usually smells like cleaning products.

- has a lot of different media's for music. some apps, an old ipod, a walkman or two, several record players and boxes upon boxes of records.

[gorillaism]

Yooo! Could I please ask a headcanon for the Band having a s/o or crush that's bilingual? (If you want a specific language: Portuguese but its ok if you want to keep it general)

Thank you a lot 🤗💖

gorillaz with a s/o that’s bilingual ( separate + ace )

a/n : tysm for requesting!! <3 i didn’t know if you wanted ace as well, so i just added him too 🏃‍♀��💨

reader : gender neutral

warnings : a little bit of flirts, tiny swearing

— 𝐬𝐭𝐮𝐚𝐫𝐭 ( 2D ) 𝐩𝐨𝐭

this boy wishes he were you 😩

stu thinks that you’re so cool that you can speak another language besides english. he even asks you to teach him. poor boy cannot pronounce the words right.

stuart is literally so dedicated about learning another language though. you forgot about stu wanting to speak another language for months and months, but you hear him actually say a couple sentences.

you both mock murdoc in another language so he can’t decipher. 👀

he cannot say swears in another language though. he just tilts his head with an adorable look and goes-

“what does that mean??”

since noodle is literally fluent in all languages, she teases you behind stuart’s back and relentlessly floods you with sentences in another language such as-

“you and stuart are a very, very cute couple.”

“when is the baby coming?”

“bleh, i did not need to hear that.”

stuart isn’t fluent as much as noodle. he constructs baby sentences. so, with that being said, he will constantly ask you what you and noodle talk about.

i’m 90% sure that as soon as stu becomes fluent, after a week of not speaking the language, he’s already forgetting how to say a lot of words.

— 𝐦𝐮𝐫𝐝𝐨𝐜 𝐧𝐢𝐜𝐜𝐚𝐥𝐬

okay, so murdoc isn’t white. we should all know by now right?

he’s probably bilingual too and can speak spanish, but only when he wants to confuse people. maybe he’ll straight up call someone an “uptight prick” or “a pain in the arse” with a fake smile and hope they don’t understand him (which most of time, they never know).

he thinks that the fact the you’re bilingual is very cool, but he doesn’t take the time to learn your second language. he has no patience at all for that.

murdoc flirts with you though 🕳👨‍🦯

“mmm, you sound rather sexy when you talk like that y’know...”

he may not care enough to learn the language, but just for you, he will learn how to say pick-up lines and suggestive sentences.

if you ever try and tease him, his secret weapon is noodle. he will remember key words and report back to her and force her to decipher.

“they said something like ___, ___, and ___. what the hell does that mean??”

“one of those words is translated to ‘annoying’, so figure it out yourself!”

yeah, murdoc would only learn the language unless he has to (i.e. you say mean things so he of course has to learn how to surprise you and retaliate).

— 𝐧𝐨𝐨𝐝𝐥𝐞

you both gossip since she’s fluent in every language!

you talk about the weather, cute clothes, how annoying murdoc is, etc. <3

she thinks you sound adorable when you rant about your day in another language. noodle absolutely wonders why people make your day go bad when you’re literally a precious jellybean to her.

if you mix multiple languages, she’s fawning over you.

“that was adorable!”

“what was?”

“you mixed languages! do it again, please??”

murdoc will always barge into rooms without knocking and will judge you for whatever you do, so when watching tv, you always make sure it’s in a different language rather than english so murdoc won’t know what’s going on.

you and noodle mayyybeee decide to prank others by telling them a sentence in another language means something entirely different in english, but they just won’t know.

because of this, 2D has called an interviewer an “ugly, rancid cow” on accident that was meant for murdoc but 2D was also present in the room and he believed you two nonetheless.

— 𝐫𝐮𝐬𝐬𝐞𝐥 𝐡𝐨𝐛𝐛𝐬

russel probably treats you just the same as anybody else at first. it’s just another cool thing you can do, which he is super in awe of, but he doesn’t go out of his way to tell you that that is wildly amazing.

after a bad day, he’ll probably want to curl up in bed with you and want you to cheer him up in another language, and then ask you what you said.

if you have bilingual friends, he will honestly get a little jealous and that will probably be his motivation to learn your other languages. he doesn’t want to be a third wheel!

russel will probably underestimate learning another language and get discouraged since it’s taking so long, so please cheer him up!

“(y/n), it’s taking so long. it’s probably going to take me months just to hold a conversation!”

“don’t say that! i really think you’re improving, honey.”

please give russel some one-on-one lessons. he just wants to spend time with you and make you proud :(

when he becomes a novice in speaking another language, he will definitely spin you around in triumph <3

— 𝐚𝐜𝐞 𝐜𝐨𝐩𝐮𝐥𝐚𝐫

you being able to speak more than one language makes ace a little more than jealous...

he feels very insecure. he just thinks of himself as a guy who plays bass and does mild crime. that’s literally it. although, ace would never tell you this.

ace likes the thought of you teaching him. it would make him feel better to know he can do more than 2 whole things.

“really?? you’ll teach me, toots??”

“of course!”

HE IS SO BAD AT PRONOUNCING WORDS LIKE STU EXCEPT A TAD BIT WORSE sos please help him

it took him like a month for him to hold up a conversation that was five sentences worth bc he can’t pronounce anything properly 😩

he has to leave sticky notes on things so he remembers what they’re called in another language. he labels a coffee maker, this bass, even some of your clothes... he needs all the help he can get-

will never tell you this but he thinks your voice when you talk in another language sounds hot soothing

he is a person who finds it funny to learn how to say “poop” and “pee” in another language 🚊🤸‍♀️

[randomshyperson]

Wanda X Reader - 10 Things I hate about you - Part One

Summary:  Pietro Maximoff is handsome and popular, but he can't date before his twin sister. The problem is that no one can get close to his sister, Wanda Maximoff. To resolve the situation, a girl interested in Pietro bribes a colleague with a mysterious past to go out with Wanda and, who knows, try to win her over. Or The one directly inspired by 10 Things I Hate About You.

Words:  6.553K  /// Read on AO3 too || Part Two

Warnings: PG, fluff, language; goth wanda is back thank god.

Notes: If English is your native language and I used slang that doesn't make sense at all, forgive me. It is really hard to translate many dialects from Portuguese to English. Anyways enjoy your reading!

You rode your skateboard to school today. Your mother was angry with you and took the keys to your motorcycle while yelling that you were difficult to raise, so you grabbed your backpack and skateboard while slamming the door on your way out.

It didn't take long to get to school, though. 

You absolutely hate this place. Sometimes you get the impression that you are surrounded by completely mental people.

You walked across the parking lot and got off your skateboard, quickly waving to your friend Carol Danvers, who was smoking leaning against the wall of the school building. You would have to talk to them later, as you had a meeting scheduled with the school principal.

Shrugging off the students as you entered the building, you ignored the stares you received and headed toward Ms. Harkness' office.

You entered without knocking because the door was already open, since she was talking to another student, and when the stranger got up she almost tripped over you on her way out. The principal raised her eyes from her notebook to you, and smiled wryly.

- Well, well, Miss Y/L/N. - she said. - I see these encounters of ours are becoming recurrent.

- I like to be around beautiful women, Miss Harkness. - You stated with a charming smile and crossed arms. The woman laughed lightly as she returned her gaze to her notebook.

- Let me see what happened here. - She mumbled to herself, probably trying to find the notes. - Wow, top nudity exhibit in the cafeteria.

You scratched your head impatiently. 

- They were melons, Miss Harkness. - You clarified. - I was making a little joke.

Harkness let out a wry chuckle as she stood up.

- How about you keep them under your blouse, huh? - She scoffed, pointing slightly at the height of your breasts and giving you a wink. You frowned. - Out!

You startled slightly, and Mrs. Harkness giggled, returning to her seat.

You blinked in confusion and turned away, mumbling wryly that she was an excellent professional before you left.

//-//

Carol was waiting for you outside the room, a few feet ahead in the hallway against her own lockers, and you greet her with a kiss on the cheek quickly.

- How did it go today? Did she say anything interesting? - Carol asked with humor in her voice. You leaned your back against the closet, letting out a chuckle.

- No way. - You replied. - She just told me to keep my breasts under my blouse.

Carol laughs lightly, while you check your cell phone. And then she touches your arm lightly. When you raise your eyes to her, she signals the corridor.

- New faces. - She nods, and you notice that it's the same girl who bumped into you in the Harkness room. Now she is accompanied by Bruce Banner, who was clearly showing her around.

- Wow, people keep choosing to come to this place. - You mock, making your friend laugh a little.Carol then checks the clock on her wrist and signals that she needs to get to her history class.  You say goodbye to her, but get distracted by your cell phone again, and then the bell rings, and you have to run to get to the literature room on the other side of the building.

//-//

You stumble into the room, and all the students turn to look at you.

- What have I missed? - you ask, trying to normalize your breathing after running through the halls.

- The oppressive patriarchal values that determine our education. - replied a girl you didn't know.

- Nice. - You grumble with a slight laugh, as you hurry to sit in the back of the room.

- You must love detention, don't you, Miss Y/L/N? This is your third delay this week. - commented the teacher as soon as you sat down. Several giggles were heard, but you didn't pay much attention. You threw your bag on the chair and tried to pretend that you were interested in whatever Professor Fury was teaching.

- Professor Fury, any chance you could ask Wanda to take her Midol before coming to class? - scoffed Pepper Potts, one of the most popular and insufferable girls at this school. You rolled your eyes at the teasing, and leaned back as the rest of the class giggled.

- One of these days Mrs. Maximoff is going to punch you in the nose, and I'm not going to do anything to stop her. - Fury replied seriously, wiping the ironic smile off Potts' face. - And Wanda, I want to thank you for your point of view. I know how hard it must have been to overcome all those years of upper middle-class suburban oppression. It must be hard. - He sneered and then started walking toward the girl who was probably Wanda. - But the next time you protest about demanding better food, or whatever it is that white kids protest about, ask them why they don't buy books written by black people!

You let out a little laugh, and Professor Fury looked at you seriously.

- Do you find something funny, Miss? 

You shrugged, straightening your posture.

- Sorry to interrupt your speech, Mr. Fury. - You say. - But you're blaming Wanda for something she has no control over. Wouldn't it be better to suggest books written by black women, instead of separating the fights?

Professor Fury blinks in irritation at you, while Wanda looks in your direction, looking surprised.

- Out. Principal office. - says the professor, and you blink in surprise. - Both of you, by the way! You pissed me off!

You grumble, and grab your backpack and leave the room, with Wanda following behind. But you don't speak to her, and when you leave the room, you go to opposite sides of the hallway, since you had no intention of seeing the principal at all.

//-//

You ended up skipping the last two classes of the day while sneaking a smoke with Carol behind the bleachers of the soccer field. 

And then you accepted the ride home that she offered you.

- See you tomorrow, troublemaker. - She said good-bye, and you just nodded as you walked toward the front door.

Your mother was at home, sitting at her computer in the living room, and you thought maybe you could sneak past her, but as soon as you closed the door she turned around with her arms crossed.

- The school called. - She said as she stood up, and you let out an impatient sigh as you threw your backpack on the floor by the door. - Are you trying to get suspended?

- Oh yeah, that's my dream. - You scoff, walking toward the kitchen.

- You're going to be grounded.

- I'm already grounded. - You retort softly, and your mother walks over to the counter. 

- You think I'm kidding? - She exclaims angrily, and then she's heading down the hall, and you're curious what she's going to do, so you follow her through the house to the garage. You look impassive as she glances around, but then she grabs a hammer and screwdriver from the cabinet and heads for her motorcycle. Your whole body tenses up, but before you can do anything, your mother is breaking your bike.

- You've gone crazy! - You shout as you run toward her, but she turns threateningly toward you with the objects pointed in your direction

- No more fighting! - she shouts. - You're not going anywhere on this damn motorcycle, do you hear me? You are grounded until college.

And then she throws the tools on the floor, and leaves the garage. You take a deep breath, trying not to break everything in front of you, and turn to your motorcycle. Some parts were broken, but you could fix them. The problem would be having the money to do it.

//-//

Tuesday started with biology. And you were really pissed off about the whole thing with your mom and your motorcycle. The professor asked the groups to dissect frogs, and the damn scalpel he handed out wasn't cutting anything. So you grabbed your knife hidden in your boot, and angrily pierced the animal. 

- You've lost your mind, put that away! - ordered Carol sitting next to you as she looked around to see if the teacher had seen. You let out an angry sigh and put the item away.

You were bored, and you smoked when you were bored. So you turned the valve on the experimental flame on the bench while putting a cigarette in your mouth, and walked over to light it.

- Girl, what's the matter with you today? - Carol asked impatiently, closing the valve and taking the cigarette out of your mouth.

You mumbled without answering, and she let out a dry laugh before going back to writing. Your gaze wandered around the room and you thought that the new girl and Bruce Banner were looking at you from the table in front of you, but they looked away quickly, so you got distracted again.

//-//

The next class was better because it kept your hands busy. Mechanics with Professor Howard Stark was interesting as he allowed the students to experiment as much as they wanted. 

At this moment you were welding a car part while trying not to burn your fingers when you heard a female voice next to you.

- Hi, how are you? - the girl said, and as you turned you realized that it was the new student. You frowned confused, you don't talk to anyone. You thought you should have an aggressive posture, because the girl's voice trembled a little, and then she quickly said good-bye and left the room. You shook your head and went back to concentrating on the lesson.

- What the hell was that all about? - Carol asked from beside you, and you shrugged.

- I told you there are only crazy people in this school. - You remarked with amusement.

- But we go here. - She retorted with a smile.

- Exactly.

Carol laughed and turned her attention back to her own activity.

//-//

In Gym class, the teacher took all the students to the outdoor field, where the rugby team was practicing. He was more concerned about the girls' performance, so he let the rest of the class do as they pleased. Then you and Carol sat down on one of the benches, while you shared a cigarette.

And you had about ten minutes of peace before Pepper Potts and one of her friends came to talk to you.

- Hey, what's up? - asked the blonde, and you looked at her with irony.

- Are you lost? - You replied aggressively, but she didn't seem intimidated.

- See that girl over there? - She said, pointing quickly toward the field. You followed her direction, and it was the same girl from literature class. - That's Wanda Maximoff. I want you to go out with her.

You laughed, shaking your head, and then took a drag on your cigarette.

- As if, preppy. - You denied it as you exchanged a look with Carol, who was grinning in disbelief.

But Pepper was not joking.

- Look, I can't go out with her hot brother until she dates. - She clarifies. - Their father is kind of crazy, he made a rule...

- Touching. Really. I'm moved. - You mock without patience. - But that's not my problem.

- Would it be your problem if you were paid a nice fee?

You let out a dry laugh, looking at her in surprise.

- Are you going to pay me to go out with someone? - you ask, and Potts has a smile on her face as she nods in agreement. You laugh again. - How much?

- Twenty dollars.

You raise your eyebrows, really considering this for a second. And then you look toward the field, and watch as Wanda fouls a girl to the ground, and you swallow dryly. This girl was going to eat you alive.

- Okay, how about 30 bucks? - Potts next suggests when she sees the foul. 

You thought about the parts of your motorcycle that you would have to buy. And you licked your lips before you spoke.

- Let's take a good look at this. - You start. - If I take her to the movies, it will be fifteen dollars. And if we buy popcorn, it's fifty dollars. I like to buy candy for the girls, so it would be about seventy-five.

- This is not a negotiation. - Potts retorts angrily. - Take it or leave it, mutt.

You let out a humorless laugh. 

- But I think it is, Potts. - You retort, smoking your cigarette again. - Or I'll go over there now and tell Wanda your whole touching little tale.

Potts blinks in irritation, and lets out a wry laugh. But then she relaxes her posture.

- Eighty dollars. - she says. You smile, throwing the cigarette on the floor and putting it out with your foot. 

- Deal, Hollywood. - You tell her, and raise your hand in her direction. Potts rolls her eyes, but takes the money from her pocket and hands it to you.

She and her friend then leave, and you settle into your seat.

- You're crazy. - Carol declares afterwards.

- Yes, I know. - You say, brushing your hair out of your eyes with your hands. - But I need new parts. It'll be harmless, it's just a date.

- I hope you're right. - She comments with a laugh, turning her attention back to the field. And then practice ends, and you exchange a look with Carol before getting up and walking toward the players' benches.

You assume your most charming pose as you approach Wanda.

- Hey, pretty girl. - You greet her with a smile as she drinks water from a bottle. She frowns in surprise, and has a wry smile on her face. - What's up?

- I'm sweating like a pig, how are you? - She answers wryly, and you smile awkwardly.

- Wow, that sounds attractive. - You reply in the same tone, watching her put the bottle of water in her backpack on the bench.

- Oh, yes. My goal in life is to look attractive all the time. - She scoffs, frowning. - But I guess it works, since I got your attention. The world makes sense again.

She starts walking toward the exit of the camp, and you are a bit taken aback by the irony, but hurry to keep up with her.

- I'll pick you up on Friday, then. - You tell her, and Wanda lets out a laugh.

- Sure, Friday. - She wryly continues walking.

- Hey, it's the night I take you to places you've never seen.

- To a convenience store on Broadway? - She replies with irony. - Girl, do you even know my name?

You laugh.

- Wanda. - You answer, but she doesn't seem impressed. - And I know more than you know.

- I doubt it. I doubt it very much. - She said ironically and you stopped following her, biting your lip as you watched her walk off the field.

//-//

Your first attempt to get a date with Wanda had not gone well at all, but you are optimistic. And then, on Saturday of that same week, while you and Carol were at the laundromat on the corner of your houses, she nodded slightly outside through the window.

- Isn't that the car of the girl you're being paid to date? - She mocked, and you sighed.

- Don't talk like that. - you said as you put the coins in the washing machine. - It makes me sound like a psychopath.

She laughed without looking at you, kneeling on the waiting couch as she looked out the window.

- I think I should look for a new rejection. - You grumble, handing Carol some coins. - Take care of my clothes while I go talk to her, please.

Carol nods in agreement as you leave the establishment. Crossing the street, you look in the direction of Wanda's car. It is nice, and you are watching the tires as she arrives.

- Are you following me? - She asks with a mixture of aggressiveness and surprise. 

- What? Of course not! - You deny it, but with the suspicious look on her face, you try to add. - I was in the laundry room, smarty-pants. I saw your car, and wanted to say hello.

She lets out a sigh, and shrugs her shoulders, heading for the door. You hurry to stand in front of her, a charming smile on your lips.

- I notice that you don't talk much. - You remark, and Wanda frowns, crossing her arms.

- It depends on the subject. - She says. - Talking about the tires on my car doesn't cause me a verbal frenzy.

- You're not afraid of me, are you? - you ask, and she looks at you incredulously.

- Why would I be afraid of you?

- Most people are. - You retort, and Wanda rolls her eyes with irony.

- Well, I don't.

You smile and move a little closer.

- Not afraid, but I bet you've imagined me naked, haven't you? - You tease and give a little wink. Wanda keeps her face almost angry.

- Wow, is it that obvious? - She retorts. - I want you so bad, baby.

She mocks last before bending down slightly and opening the car door, pushing you with the metal.

You let out an impatient sigh as you step back, and she gets into the car and prepares to leave. You stand with your arms folded trying to think how exactly you are going to make this work.

And then Pepper Potts parks her car right behind Wanda's, preventing her from leaving, while the blonde steps out of the vehicle with a smiling, arrogant posture.

- My God, is it idiots' day today? - Wanda complains from inside the car. When Pepper passes by her window, she shouts: - Do you mind girl?

- Not even a little, bitch. - Potts retorts without looking at her as she walks away. 

But then Wanda is backing the car up, and the next moment Pepper's red Cadillac has a big bump mark on the side. You laugh in surprise, not believing that she had actually hit the car.

- My God, you are completely crazy! - Potts shouts as she observes the impact. 

- Oops. - You hear Wanda scoff.

You laughed again, before going back to the laundry room. 

//-//

It was Monday again, and you were trying to have a quiet day. But while you were putting your books away in your locker, Potts approached you.

- When I pay for something, I expect results. - She says, and you close the closet to brace yourself against it.

- I'm trying.

- Watching that lunatic destroy my car doesn't count as a date. - She retorts with mild irritation. - If you don't go out with her, I won't get Pietro. Then get something soon, okay?

That girl's audacity pissed you off. 

- I just raised the price. - You tell her, and she looks at you in disbelief.

- Excuse me?

- One hundred and fifty dollars a date. - You say. - In advance.

- Forget it. - She said angrily, turning away.

- Then forget about her brother.

Potts lets out a grumble and then turns to you again, hurrying to get the money.

- Does this kid have a gold dick by any chance? - You scoff, and Potts gives you the middle finger, making you laugh.

- You better get the date, sister. - She says, and you just smile before heading off in the direction of the mechanics' classroom.

//-//

You were trying to find the correct melting point for one of the tools when you were approached by the same girl as the last time you had mechanics. 

- I know what you are trying to do with Wanda Maximoff. - She announces, and you let out a wry chuckle as you continue your attention to the tools in front of you.

- Really? And what are you going to do about it?

- Help you.

You blink in surprise as you raise a large metal bar at your eye level to identify its features.

- Why? - you ask, and it is not the girl who speaks next.

- The situation is that my friend Monica, is in love with Pietro Maximoff. - A male voice speaks, and then you look quickly to identify Bruce Banner.

- God, this kid must really have a gold cock. - You mumble with irony as you place the iron bar on the table, and take off your protective gloves.

- Believe me when I tell you that Monica's love is pure, she wants to date him. - Banner explains as you walk to another table in the room, looking for your notes. - Unlike Pepper Potts, who only wants to use him as a trophy.

- Look, I'm only in this for the money. I don't give a shit who Potts is fucking. - You respond without patience, and Monica seems to get irritated with you, but Banner calms her down.

You make some notes regarding the lesson and walk over to the table to analyze the pictures of the tools as you organize them. Monica and Banner follow you.

- Listen, Y/N, we are the ones who planned this story so that Monica and Pietro could date. - Banner says. - Potts is just the go-between.

You laugh with surprise.

- And you are going to help me win Wanda over?

- That's right. - They both say in unison. You turn your attention back to the materials in front of you.

- We will investigate what she likes. - Banner says. - You need our help.

Bruce smiled amiably, and you laughed at the posture he assumed.

- Look, we'll start here. - He began by pulling a piece of paper from his pocket. - On Friday, Stephen Strange is having a party. It's the perfect opportunity.

- Perfect for what? - you ask, looking at him.

- For you to invite Wanda. - He clarifies, and you sigh impatiently, already tired of this conversation.

- I'll think about it. - You say finally and walk to the other side of the room, and this time, they don't follow you.

//-//

It was Wednesday, and you and your friends went to a bar to play a bit of pool shortly after school. Your mother had no idea you were here, but she was working, so she wouldn't know.

You got a text message from Bruce, wanting to meet you along with Monica, and you laughed when you sent the location. They really weren't the kind of people who hang around this place.

You were upstairs, drinking some beer when you saw them come in, and nodding slightly to Carol, you went downstairs and walked over to them.

- So, what do you have for me? - you asked, leaning against a wall.

- Before we get started, I have a question. - says Bruce. - Is it true that you are on probation?

You laugh in surprise.

- What?

- Bruce, shut up. - said Monica, tapping her colleague on the shoulder. And then she turned to you. - First thing, Wanda hates smokers.

- Okay, I hate them too.

You mock, but Monica and Bruce look serious, so you sigh, and take out of your pocket your cigarette case, handing it to the girl.

- There is another problem, Pietro told me that Wanda likes pretty girls. 

They look at you for a moment and you frown.

- Are you saying that I'm not pretty? - you ask, straightening your posture.

- You are beautiful! Monica, she's so beautiful, what are you saying? - hurried Bruce almost in terror. You wanted to laugh.

Monica nods quickly in agreement, and you lean back against the wall.

- Look, I made a list. - She hastens to say, pulling a piece of paper from her shirt pocket. - Wanda's tastes are: Sokovian food, feminist poetry, punk and alternative music. And there is a list of the CDs she had in her room.

She says, handing the paper to you. You let out a sigh.

- So should I buy some soup, a book, and ear plugs for some really noisy concert?

They both shrug, smiling slightly.

- Have you ever been to the Skrull Club, west side of town? - Banner asks.

You chuckle.

- It's a nice place, but not really my style.

- Well, it will have to be. - says Monica. - Her favorite group is playing there tomorrow night.

You run your fingers through your hair, sighing.

- Come on, Y/N, it's only for one night. - says Banner. - We're sure she'll be there, Mon found the tickets.

- She also has a black lingerie set. - Added Monica and you frown with confusion.

- Why is this relevant? - You asked, and Monica looked away, looking embarrassed. You laughed lightly, but didn't push it. Then you looked at both of them. - Okay, I'll drop by.

Bruce and Monica both let out excited exclamations and then waved goodbye. You laughed and shook your head, wondering what you had gotten yourself into.

//-//

The Skrull Club was generally frequented by the punk crowd in town, many women from extremist feminist movements hung out here. But in general it was a pretty diverse crowd of rockers, punks, goths and allies. And the drink was cheap.

You received a few curious glances as you walked through the dimly lit corridors of the nightclub, but it was more because these clubs were generally frequented by the same people, and you’re a familiar face.

The place was very crowded, and you had to dodge a lot of people until you reached the main dance floor, trying to find Wanda.

You smiled when you finally saw her, in the first row, dancing with a girl who was also from your school. You thought she looked pretty, in her black dress and red jacket, plus a knee-length black stocking and dark boots on her feet. She might have looked intimidating, but she was still very pretty.

You don't quite understand why your heart races at the image of her dancing and smiling, so you think it best to get a drink, and turn toward the bar.

You sit there, trying to decide how you are going to approach her, but then Wanda is coming toward the bar, and you disguise yourself by looking the other way.

- You don't give up, do you? - She says as soon as she sees you. And walks over to where you are sitting. - If you're planning on asking me out, you can just give up!

- Do you mind? I'm trying to hear the music. - You hit back without looking at her.

-You're not surrounded by your typical cloud of smoke. -She comments after a moment, and you take a sip of the drink you ordered before answering.

- Yes, I quit. They say it's bad for your health. - You say it with a slight irony.

- Do you think so? - Wanda looks slightly surprised, and you give her a short smile before standing up.

- These guys aren't the Kree's, but they play well. - You comment on her favorite band before heading off toward the dance floor. Wanda hurries to follow you.

- Do you know who the Kree's are? - she asks in surprise.

- Why, you don't know? - You reply with irony.

She doesn't answer, looking mildly impressed. You smile briefly.

- I was watching you dance. - You comment as the band is finishing the song. - I don't think I've ever seen you so sexy.

And then the song ends exactly with your line, and the whole club hears you. Several people giggle, and you feel your cheeks heat up, but Wanda laughs too, and that relaxes you.

- Come to Stephen Strange's party with me. - You ask her. And she tilts her head slightly to the side, still smiling.

- You never give up, do you?

And then another song starts, and Wanda is coming back to the front of the stage.

- Is that a yes? - you shout at her.

- No!

- Was that a no?

It takes a second, but she shouts back.

- No!

You grin.

- See you at 9:30! - You shout to her before she disappears into the crowd. 

You're smiling all the way home.

//-//

You were early. But you were so anxious about it that you left the house as quickly as possible. 

And then you arrived at Wanda's door, but as soon as you went to knock, she opened it.

- What are you doing here? - she asked in surprise.

- 9:30. - You answer. - Yeah, well, I'm early.

- Whatever, I'm driving. - She says and then you look into the house and see Pietro Maximoff with a kangaroo baby carrier outfit occupied with a doll and frown.

- May I ask what that is? - You remark, and Wanda just rolls her eyes at the scene, then turns to you.

- My father is a little neurotic about this whole pregnancy thing. - She answers and walks outside. You both wait for Pietro.

- At least he doesn't use a real baby. - You joke and Wanda smiles. But then Pietro leaves the house, looking slightly annoyed, and you hurry to Wanda's car.

It doesn't take long to get to the party.

The place was packed. Probably the whole school was here. And as soon as Wanda found a parking place, Pietro got out and disappeared into the crowd.

You decided to accompany Wanda as she entered the house. You went toward the second floor, and you lost sight of Wanda when a girl jumped on you, completely drunk and trying to kiss you.

- Wow, slow down there. - You said, helping her sit up. You found several empty and sealed bottles of water in one of the liquor containers around the house and handed one to her. - I want you to drink it all, okay?

The girl whimpered in confusion, but you waited. She seemed better, but you handed her another bottle just to be sure.

- Hey Peggy, I found you! - said a skinny boy you didn't know, walking up to you. He frowned, slightly startled, when he noticed you.

- Are you a friend of hers? - You asked him with distrust, and he nodded, looking mildly frightened.

- Yes, he is. This is Steve. - mumbled the girl sitting up, looking like she had a headache. - Thanks for the water, by the way.

- No problem. - You say. - Are you feeling well enough to be alone?

She nods slightly as she speaks:

- Yes, yes. Steve will take care of me now. Thanks again.

And then you patted Steve on the arm, and left the two of them, walking back through the crowd.

It took you many minutes to find Wanda again, because the party is so crowded. And when you reached her, she was pouring a glass of drink into her mouth.

- Hey, I've been looking all over for you. - You announce mildly annoyed. - What the hell are you doing?

- Getting drunk! - she answers ironically. - Isn't that what people are supposed to do at a party?

- I don't know, you do whatever you want to do. - You retort, and Wanda raises her eyebrows.

- Very funny. You're the only one who says that. - She says as she turns away. - See you later.

Wanda leaves walking through the party, and you see her grab another drink glass on the way.

You think you heard someone yell fight while you were walking through the party, and then the crowd moved, but you didn't go toward the people. 

You are very angry, and impatient, wanting to be spending this evening with Wanda, but she doesn't seem interested. 

And then you were walking back the way you came, and you ran into the same couple as before, only now they were kissing. You laughed lightly, the boy looked shy. You decided to stay out of their way, and went downstairs, only to run into Wanda again.

- Hey, why don't you let me have this one. - You spoke up as you noticed what must have been one of the many glasses of booze she had taken, and you raised your arm to pick it up, but Wanda was quicker, moving the glass away.

- No! This one is mine! - she grumbled, clearly drunk, trying to push you away. But you managed to take her glass, and she let out an annoyed sigh.

As you put the glass on a small table, she walked away again, and before you could follow, Pepper was at your side.

- Girl, how did you manage to do that? - she asked, looking excited. You frowned.

- What are you talking about?

- You made a freak act like a human being. - She commented with irony, but you weren't even paying attention anymore. Your gaze raced across the room after Wanda, and then someone turned on the radio in the next room and the crowd screamed attracting your attention.

You exclaimed in surprise when you noticed Wanda dancing on a table, without the jacket she was wearing earlier. Pepper ran in the same direction, joining in the shouts of celebration from the crowd around the table. 

Walking towards the table you were a mixture of irritation, disbelief and embarrassment. Wanda was completely drunk, dancing sensually to the music, while people whistled and watched intently. She had her eyes closed, not even seeming to notice her surroundings.

And then she made a badly calculated move, and hit her head on the chandelier on the table. You were quick enough to catch her when she fell.

- Okay, that was enough. - You grumbled, helping her to her feet. - Are you okay?

- I'm fine! - she replied, but she could barely walk. You kept her from falling while grabbing the jacket she had thrown to the ground.

- Yeah, you're not fine. - You said. - Let's get out of here.

- I just need to lie down. - She mumbled, letting you hold her around the waist as you led her through the crowd.

- If you lie down, you'll sleep. - You say. - You can't sleep after hitting your head.

Wanda giggled.

- So many words. - She complained, and you thought it best to sit her down somewhere.

You reached the outside, as crowded as the house, but you managed to find a space in the garden for her to sit, and helped her to the bench. Wanda put her hand on her head where she had hit it.

- Hey, I need to talk to you. - Called Monica, walking up to you suddenly.

- I'm kinda busy. - You retorted, looking at Wanda.

- Five minutes, it's important.

You sighed, and took one last look at Wanda before walking away with Monica.

- Look, the deal is off, okay? - she said, and you blinked in confusion. - Pietro never wanted to be with me. He just wanted to have sex with Pepper.

You really didn't have the energy for that right now.

- Monica, where did all this come from now, huh? Weren't you two sneaking around together?

- I thought I was having a good time, but I saw them both at the party. - She explained, and you sighed impatiently.

- Hey, you like this boy don't you? - you asked, and she looked away, nodding. - And he's worth all this stuff you're doing?

- I thought so but...

- Yes or no?  - She swallowed hard, and you assumed a serious posture. - Listen, Pepper Potts is not half as good as you, and you never let anyone make you think that you don't deserve something. Okay? 

Monica nodded, looking surprised. You turned your face toward Wanda quickly.

- Look, I have to go. - You said as you turned and helped Wanda to her feet.

On the way out you made sure to grab one of the bottles of water you found in the barrels.

You let her rest her arm on your shoulder to keep from falling, while your arm went around her waist. You dragged her across the street, and you ended up climbing a small hill in the mansion area that ended at a playground.

- Why are you doing this? - she grumbled.

- I said, you might have a concussion. - You retorted. Wanda broke free of you and started trying to walk ahead. You kept your attention to catch her in case she fell.

- You don't even care if I don't wake up.

You let out a chuckle, stopping her from falling next.

- That's not true.

- Why not?

- Because then I'd have to date girls who like me. - You respond with humor.

- If you could find one. - She retorts, and you have a smile on your lips when you answer.

- Oh, see. Who needs affection when I get hate?

- I just need to sit for a while. - She says, closing her eyes for a moment, and you help her sit down on one of the swings behind you. She falls off balance a second after you put her there, but you are quick to help her stay seated.

- Jesus. - You sigh as you stop her from falling, and then sit down on the swing beside her while Wanda laughs lightly. - So, why do you let yourself be affected?

- By whom? - she asks.

- Potts.

Wanda looks away, shaking her head.

- I hate her.

You let out a tired sigh.

- Well, you have chosen the perfect revenge. Intravenous tequila. - You joke, making her laugh.

- It's what they say.... - She begins to speak while you are looking away, and with the momentary silence you stare back, startled to find her asleep. You get up hastily, touching her face.

- Hey, Wanda! Wake up! Come on, open your eyes! - You called out, patting her face lightly. 

Wanda blinked, opening her eyes, and you let out a sigh of relief. And then you took your hands away from her face and stood up, while she continued to look at you.

- I like your eyes. - She says with a shy smile. And you smile too, but then she throws up on your shoes the next second and the moment is broken. You laugh incredulously, but pat her on the back.

- Time to go home, punk. - You comment softly.

It takes a moment for Wanda to calm down, and you hand her the bottle of water you got. Then you walk to her car, and she hands you the keys.

Just as you are about to arrive at her house many minutes after, she speaks again:

- I should do that. - She comments still sounding drunk. 

- Do what?

- That. - She says, pointing to the radio. A rock song was playing.

- Start a band?

- No, install radios in cars. - She retorted with irony, and you laughed lightly. - Starting a band of course. My dad would love it.

You then stop the car in front of her house. 

- You don't seem to be the type to ask your father's permission to do things. - You comment as you take out the keys.

Wanda blinks in surprise.

- So now you know me?

- I'm trying. 

- People only know that I scare them.

- Yeah, I know the feeling. - You comment with a wry smile. Wanda looks at you with an intensity that makes your stomach turn. - So, your father looks tough.

- No, he just wants me to be someone I'm not. - She says, shaking her head slightly.

- Who?

- Pietro. - She answers with a frown. You let out an understanding sigh.

- No offense, I know everyone likes your brother and all, but he's a pretty shallow guy. - You say and Wanda looks at you in surprise, but then she has a little smile on her face.

- You know... you're not as obnoxious as I thought. - She says, making you laugh slightly. And then she looks at you like that again, and brings your faces together, closing her eyes. You swallow dryly, ignoring your nervousness, and look at the steering wheel.

- I think we should do this another time. - You say, and Wanda looks at you in disbelief, as you twiddle your fingers nervously. She frowns and looks ahead, then opens the car door and gets out.

You sit there for several minutes, hoping that Wanda won't be even more irritated with you than she usually is.

[rapha-reads]

Block the tags : Eurovision 2022 is in two months ! (may 10th)

Time to rate the songs - part 4

Serbia, Ireland, Romania, Switzerland and Moldovia

(Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3)

Let's jump right into it.

Serbia : Konstrakta, In Corpore Sano

Oooouh, title in Latin ?! We're getting sexy right away... (Yes, Latin is sexy, don't @ me).

Oh. My. Gods. Right from the very first fraction of second!!!! Wow.

Holyyyyyy Shiiiiiiit. No, you don't get it, Serbia. Always. Brings. The. Heat. An epic, vocalized song about the goddamn absurdity of the health system with funny lyrics and a goddamn perfect imagery (wash your hands dammit)? Y'all get my 12 points already.

"A sick mind in a healthy body, a sad soul in a healthy body, a desperate mind in a healthy body" : YES, YES, YES.

Pros: perfect voices, perfect lyrics, perfect choreography, I know how to say "to be healthy" in Serbian now. Cons: ... could have some more beats? Overall: 10/10.

Ireland : Brooke, That's Rich

Dua Lipa said "next time just call me in, yeah". "You're getting sick of them", I'm getting bored with ya.

Pros: nice voice, she pretty. Cons: basic. No originality. No Eurovision stamp of crazy. Overall: 6/10.

Romania : WRS, Llámame

Romania either pleases me a lot, or disappoints me. Let's see which one it is this year !

Hmmmmm, spicyyyy. But will it be enough...

Pros: leather! pr0n stache! spicy bi! dance moves! Cons: they must have used all their braincells for the chorus in Spanish because the rest of the lyrics in English is just reheated and overheard. Overall: 7/10.

Switzerland : Marius Bear, Boys Do Cry

... I haven't even hit play yet but Marius dear. Are you trying to challenge The Cure ? Don't. Just. Don't.

*deep sigh* This is the 5th song at least about a kid who's different from the other but can still become whoever they want. I'm not saying it's not an important message, believe, I'm a children's librarian, it's like my whole agenda, to promote diversity and believing in your dreams. I'm saying, is this the best way? A slow, sad, classic ballad? Again, it's not that I hate ballads. It's just that when it's the 10th in a row, with basically the same lyrics...

Pros: nice voice. Cons: everything else. Overall: 5/10.

Moldova : Zdob şi Zdub & Fraţii Advahov, Trenuleţul

Can I ask someone for a how-to-pronounce guide please and thanks.

*wheezing* Oh ho ho ho ho, I love this. I love it.

I'm allowing myself a slight aparté here, because I really love linguistics and I'm currently fascinated by the interconnections and similitudes between Indo-European languages. Moldovan/Romanian is an Italic language. Yep. Just like French, Italian, Spanish, Portuguese... It belongs in the Eastern Romance branch of the Romance languages, but it is a Romance language. Hence why people who speak either French, Italian, Spanish or Portuguese will sometimes feel like they're understanding parts of the lyrics without the subtitles. I know you guys don't care about this, but I love languages and I love being able to sort of kinda understand a language I don't speak just because it descends from the same roots as ones I do speak.

Okay, back on track (like a train, ha ha!).

Pros: Folklore! I love trains. FUN. Cons: nothing. Overall: 10/10.

And a very special "boooooo" to Switzerland who takes the last place of the competition ! Sorry, guys. But a very special HELL YEAH to the Balkans for bringing the Fun and the Fire, you guys rock ! Huge fan of the Balkans.

***********************************************************************

See y'all after I've slept 12 hours for the next five : Belgium, UK ( do I really have to...), North Macedonia, Ukraine, Austria.

ALSO, I'm always down to speak about linguistics! Especially Indo-European and Afroasiatics languages. Just so you know.

[algumaideia]

Some thoughts about Siege and Storm- Part 2

And the suffering continues!!

I don't know if I already said it, but neither this or the other posts like this about sab trilogy should be taken seriously. They are not me really trying to analyze or criticize the books, they are just me feeling bored and annoyed by the book and its characters.

Funny because Alina cannot kill a deer or a sea monster, but she has no problem letting a bunch of people die.

She didn't kill it alone. Incredible. I cannot believe Mal had to help her.

Also I'm really freaking slow. I finally realized why in the Brazilian version of the book and series Mal's nickname is not Mal. Instead his nickname is Maly, mal in portuguese is an adverb that means not well done, and as a substantive it can be used to refer to illness, problems, sorrows. You also use it to say someone is evil. Ele é do mal- He is evil.

In the moment Nikolai is the only person that is not annoying in this book.

And I just cannot feel Alina's emotions... like she says she is annoyed at the Stormhound but why?? They just talked a little and then suddently she anounces she wants to punch him. And that is it. It all feels so cold and emotionless and fake. I just cannot care for what she feels. I'm sorry Alina.

Alina trying to discuss about how the magic works with Nikolai is so funny because she doesn't understand how the magic works. She only knows the basic of the basic. I think she didn't even read that book the Apparat gave to her. What does Alina really know about Grisha magic??

Thank you Nikolai for pointing out how Alina doesn't think about other people.

Sooo Tamar also likes men??

You know, I think that until Mal suggested that Alina was a greedy person she didn't sound greedy about the amplifiers at all. She was just thinking about the situation she was.

Ok, maybe I'm being dumb or just not really paying attention on the book, but Alina using her power at night is stupid right? Like she basically became a lighthouse showing where she was to the Darkling. Or no, again idk. (I was right!!)

Well at least now Alina doesn't seem to think the amplifiers are the most disgusting thing in the world.

Mal, she was only glowing. How does that make her look bad??? Or mean, idk what word was used in the English version.

At least Mal is trying to not be a jerk about Alina's power i guess.

Why we know so little about Novyi Zem, when it is the only place besides Ravka where Grisha can be safe and in all the books we have grisha mc???

The best thing in this book until now was the fact Mal lost every fight with Nikolai.

Hummm, it is just me or Mal is easy going to anyone but Alina?

Ahhh Nikolai, why did you have to describe zemenis like that?

Wow, one of the first things Alina noticed about Nikolai was how handsome he was. I am so surprised.

Really Alina, punching a prince??

This book is boring, there is action happening and I feel bored.

The best parts of this book is Nikolai entering a conversation out of nowhere.

Nikolai tried to write poems, interisting.

Mal and Alina need to learn to better control themselves.

It is nice to see a character being rational again.

Also why Nikolai is trying to convince Mal?? He wants to marry Alina, he needs to talk to her not to her boyfriend.

At least Alina said they shouldn't be talking about her like she wasn't in the room.

Alina should have accepted Nikolai's proposal.

Alina, please get some sense. An entire freaking country is not more important than your relationship with Mal!!!

Also what the hell are you gonna do with the Second Army? You know nothing about anything basically. How do you think you can lead it?

Alina it is necessary to have knowledge and experience to lead an army, not only "power"

Best regards,

Me.

Ps.

[disney-rapunzel-merida-vanellope]

- love Peter Pan so much. One of my faves from the silver era. It was a big part of my childhood and its just pure magic. Still waiting for his visit, the windows are open

- If you say he isn’t one of your animated crushes YOU SIT IN A THRONE OF LIES. HES SO FINE ONG HE LOOKS EXTRA GOOD IN THE SEQUEL THE ASSIGMENT WAS UNDERSTOOD 200%. I know hes a bit of a meanie sometimes but that the only man id let be

- Tink is a toxic lil bitch but she’s my toxic lil bitch. The glow and magic are so pretty. When i was a kid i was drawn to blondes with long hair and pink dresses but i would secretly be super impressed when female characters had none of that. Green wasnt usually a girl color so i was impressed with this color choice for tink. I remember thinking that if it was me designing a fairy she’d have the most flowery pink dress with big wings and long flowing hair but tink’s design is so simple but elegant fairy like i loved it then and i love it now. The shape of her wings is one of my fave aspects of it

- Love both “the second star to the right” songs from the og and sequel. It makes me nostalgic for neverland like ive been there

- Love the credits artwork

- The silhouettes and shadows in this movie 👌🏻

- I love the father so much, hes so funny 😂. The mom is so pretty ugh ive always love that dress

- Wendy has the same voice actress as alice in English right? It’s the same woman in portuguese too. Wendy and alice British bffs

- Nana best girl

- Nana making the bed belongs in those satisfying compilation videos and the boys ruining it belongs in those uncomfortable compilation videos. Seriously, the way the bed gets smooth when the dog makes it has always been so satisfying for me to watch

- Wendy and Mary fangirling about the dress oh theyre precious

- “I dont wanna have my own room, i wanna stay in the same room as my male siblings” said no one ever but Wendy

- Old disney movies always have at least 1 joke that is just genuinely ridiculously funny. The father falling and the family running to see if the dog is ok is that joke in Peter Pan

- Mary is one of the best disney mothers. She’s so loving, patient, kind, soft spoken and comprehensive. Her kids are talking about pirates, fairies, shadows and she just goes along with it

- GEORGE IS SO FUNNY “PETER PAN? WHATEVER SHALL WE DO?” HIS SARCASTIC ASS 😭 I love this couple contrast so much 😂

- WHEN THE FLUTE COMES YOU KNOW ITS PETER PAN TIME

- Noting looks better in 2d animation then sparkles. That pixie dust trail behind tink takes all my attention

- Tink is so pretty and she knows it. Her lill spin in the mirror ugh love it

- Never really shipped peter and Wendy in this movie but i do love their ship in the 2004(?) life action movie. Here just feels too one sided and even then it feels like wendy is being impulsive. I get sad when they reunite in Peter Pan 2 tho and she has a whole family 😭

- Michael wearing pink pajamas while wendy wears blue 👌🏻

- Oh to be able to fly…. If i could have any super power it would 100% be to be able to fly. When i was a kid i had a dream i could fly, more like levitate horizontally for like 1 meter above ground but it was so real i really thought it had happened

- It’s so sad how wendy is a mermaids fangirl and then they treat her like trash 😭 maybe its good that I haven’t met mermaids, it totally loose half of my life span if i got disappointed like that

- “All you need is happy thoughts” 😃 “and fairy dust” 😒 WHERE THE HELL AM I GONNA GET THAT

- I wonder what the animators used as references for the flying scenes cause peter is such a natural and the others are so clumsy and obviously begginers. The contrast is hilarious

- The flying through London’s night sky scene is so iconic. One of the best in the movie

- Neverland is one of my fave disney places. The sequel does a really good job at exploring it more. I would just love to live there. The mermaids lagoon is paradise

- Smee deserves a raise

- Captain Hook is so hilarious i cant be mad at him

- This whole scene is so funny. The pirates throwing knives that very luckily dont stab smee, smee almost getting stabbed, shot, strangled, Captain Hook shooting a man like its just Tuesday, him going from a fierce murderer to a baby in smee’s arms, the tiktak, the shaving the seagulls butt,… COMEDY

- Love me some codfish

- The lost boys animal onesies are so cute, i want one…. Why isn’t disney making money of it???

- Little boys who wear animal looking furry clothes…. On their way to kill another “animal”…… serial killers on the making 😳

- Tink being so angry she gets hot enough to burn through a leaf!!

- Peter looks so good angry….. i dont know how to behave anymore

- I dont like how tink and peter spend so much time apart but it sure makes the ending even stronger 😭

- “I ban you forever!!! A week then” pppffffffff

- You guys have no idea how often i sing this “leader”os song. Basically any time I’m following someone or someone is following me 😭. 🎶 Este é o nosso líder, o líder, o líder, seguimos este líder é como tem de ser 🎶

- Get so anxious for Michael this whole song. He’s so precious with his lil teddy bear

- British boy named john is sooooooo much smarter than the natives that doesnt even notice the trees walking towards them and surrounding them

- The mermaids lagoon IS PARADISE. It’s so so so pretty, has such a chill pastel vibe. They really sit around all day being pretty, singing, playing musing, combing hair, swimming, accessorizing, sun bathing, fangirling over peter…. If thats not the crowd i wanna be in i dont know what is….. they are mean girls but i would pull a cady for them. LET ME SIT WITH U GIRLS

- Loved the edits on youtube that insert ariel there. I lowkey ship ariel and peter ngl

- “We were just trying to drown her” old disney movies are so funny idc what anyone says. Humor nowadays cant compete with the casualty and timing some of these jokes have

- The mermaids scene is so short…. They deserved a WHOLE MUSICAL NUMBER. And we never see them again, even in the sequel last 1 second. WHY WHY THE PEOPLE WANT MERMAIDS

- Tiger lily’s always with her head held height ugh queen

- This scene is ridiculously funny. Peter mocking them left and right oh BOY STOP YOU CANT BE HOT, FUNNY AND FICTIONAL THATS TOO MUCH

- I dont know about the eng dub but the portuguese dub is SO GOOD 😭 they always are but this one is one of my faves

- Peter is so childish and mean but oh i love that in him

- This movie is just a fight between 2 childish goofy boys but its so entertaining 😭. Hook starts the movie so cool and then gets nothing but humiliated every time hes on screen 😭

- “Captain has a headache dont disturb him” he says as the hammers the paper to the door. This movie doesnt even try, it just is funny. Every comment is me saying the movie is funny, but its true. I’ll keep saying it

- Hook’s portuguese voice actor steals the whole show omg

- His prosthetics collection 😭 so cute

- Probably not gonna make many comments on the natives scene

- Idk the name of it but ive always found the feathers head piece the chief and peter wear to be so majestic

- I love peter and tiger lily’s friendship so much 😭 precious. Wish we had seen more of her. She looks like a fun outgoing girl.

- Tink watching from afar makes me wonder if she had been following peter all day 😢

- A lot of disney characters get drunk, and they are all hilarious like that 😂

- Jealousy makes her dumb enough to doxx peter but she still makes him promise not to lay the hook or a finger on him… she was super dumb but still cared for him 😭

- She didnt wanna grow up, but did without noticing 😢

- The way wendy speaks about mothers is so beautiful and then she becomes such a good mother in the sequel

- Even the pirates are emotional 😭 the mother tattoo 😭 love the mother’s appreciation in this scene

- THEY SWITCH ON PETER SO FAST 😭 LIL TRAITORS

- Tink loves peter so much 😭 and he just greets her with a smile when he sees her like he doesnt even remember banning her 😭

- Oh this scene is so sad. It would always scare me so much as a kid. Even after telling him wendy and the boys are kidnapped he still insists on worrying and saving her first. I love this duo. Kinda wish sometimes that the movies focused more on tink and peter and less on peter with wendy or Jane. They really have a special bond. Him asking if shes ok, telling her hes gonna save her, saying shes the most important thing in the world for him, covering her when rubble is falling….. I CANT DO THIS I DEMAND THE TINKERBELL MOVIE WHERE THEY MEET WHERE IS IT

- Peter, carry me bridal style too I’m begging

- Peter having a tiny ass sword that looks more like a knife while fighting against hook and his sharp long sword makes me so anxious 😭

- Him getting cocky saying he’ll fight hook without flying and with a hand behind his back 🤤

- The gold boat 👌🏻

- Wanna watch the sequel so bad now…..

- Shes ready to grow up… wish i could relate. No, but going to neverland had the exact opposite effect on her than on the boys. Instead of becoming more childish, she really matured

- I love this movie so much. I hate making top lists cause I’m indecisive af and the only truth i know is that tangled is 1st, but i think Peter Pan is in my top 10. Nostalgic, magical, i love peter and tink tho the other characters are so lovable and/or funny too, i wanna live in neverland so bad and did i mention that i love peter? Cause i love peter.

- This review is so long omg 💀 i think i spend more time writing than actually watching the movie. For the record, I’m pausing the movie everytime i want to write but this means that i end up watching a 1h20m movie in 3 hours almost 💀 i started the movie at 13:27 and its 16h now 💀 i don’t really have a criteria for the commentary, basically I’m just writing my thoughts. The length of the review is also not proportional to how much i like the movie, I’m just really commenting thoughts that occur in the moment. Tho I love this movie a lot so i guess it makes sense i wrote a lot about it

[mr-nauseam]

EngPort Headcanon 3

Well as I said before I have a huge playlist on EngPort. And just as I declare -in my opinion- "King and Lionheart" as the maximum theme of the EngPort in a romantic way -although even if you only see them as friends it still works-, I must say precisely that the song that in my opinion best describes their friendship relationship is "Letter To A School Friend of Boy George".

I ship EngPort, so obviously I firmly believe that these two fools are in love with each other but I think that seeing their relationship in a romantic way is not an impediment to appreciate the friendship they have, ¡especially when EngPort is the dynamic "friends to lovers" by excellence!

So keep this scenario in your mind, England and Portugal have fought, you can choose the time you want as long as there is a guitar, I like to think that this happens in the 200's, when little by little they begin to recover their relationship damaged by the Arthur's selfish attitude and by of Port's stubborn attitude and pride.

More than 500 years together sounds like something wonderful, BUT let me tell you that you cannot spend so much time next to someone without hating him a little. Distance is good to put things in perspective, to be able to take a break and appreciate what was good and accept what was bad.

The distance serves for each of these idiots to correct their shit and stop wanting that shit of want power, dominate others, feel superior, etc.

England and Portugal have gone to have a coffee a few times, they have silent talks, somewhat uncomfortable talks that end quickly. They are already starting to greet each other at meetings but still can't revive their old connection.

One day one of those meetings causes them to register at the same hotel. And outside of work they live this strange experience where you say goodbye to someone, you separate yourself from this person and suddenly you realize that this person is going for the same way as you. They realize that they share the same hotel and decide to go for drinks, talk for a while, even they say the number of their rooms.

Everything seemed very calm but suddenly they have an argument, nothing heated or very dramatic, only passive-aggressive phrases that end with Portugal very tired of it - because in general he is very tired of many things - and he is the first to go.

Then you have Arthur very annoyed and very frustrated that this is not going well, that this is not as easy as before - it may not have been easy before, simply that he has this impression because in the past they both tried to make it easy - and decides to make a stupid decision to get drunk.

Here I leave a space for you to imagine the funny -and somewhat sad- story of Arthur walking alone, being completely drunk and stealing or getting a fucking guitar from somewhere. Many hours pass and he does not sleep.

Quite more sober but with enough alcohol in his blood to do something daring or unusual in him. He decides to go to Port's room to sing a serenade to him. He has the courage to do because he is completely sure that Portugal will be asleep and since he knows that Port is the type of person that these recent times allow to stay asleep no matter what happens. England naively believes that he could sing out of tune outside his door without being discovered.

Arthur is sitting, outside of Port's room, with a fucking guitar, he may sing some romantic songs that he knows, in English, in Portuguese but none of them feel good, he can't even finish the first verse of these, suddenly he is invaded by the feeling of be a miserable, pathetic and lonely men.

He thinks a lot about the past, about his history with Portugal, he thinks in everything they have lived, in everything they have endured together, in how much he loves Port, in how much he come to hate him -at times-, in how much he misses him, in how much he needs him.

And finally he finds the words of what he wants to say, so he sings this song "Letter To A School Friend by Boy George". In this headcanon, this song with certain modifications would emerge spontaneously from the hand of Arthur. But you may think that this song already existed and he just thought it was appropriate.

And it's a really appropriate song.

There are many phrases that I feel describe them well, that describe well how England sees Port. For example:

You and me were so much alive

So much pain so many tears to hide

That is something they have done together for a long time. Or there is this part that if you modify it a little, it fits enough with the bad and cruel father figures that Portugal had, with the idea that his mother was a more absent figure and his bad relationship with his brother Spain:

Your brother rejected you and your mother died

And your old man had such brutal pride

He just couldn't take your sensitive side

-Originally it says Your mother rejected you and your brother died but we modified it to fit better with the history of Portugal-

Or this phrase that fits so well, with Arthur being the black sheep of Europe and Port the one who followed him on his crusade against the world:

We were the freaks who they could not teach

But in the end it is this moment, the one that defines why this song is so appropriate, since it clearly says what England wants for Portugal, despite everything that has happened, despite the fact that they can no longer have the connection of before, even in the moments where they were separated without speaking to each other, deep down he wanted this:

I wish you love cos your heart is pure

From the hell of world to the closet door

They said we were fools but we need so much more

I hope your happy now

And Portugal, who had woken up because although England does not know it but there is something that always makes Port notice him, feel it, see it. So he listens as England sings this song to him, on the other side of the door is Portugal, feeling his heart beat like never before and in that moment the connection they have, come to life...again.

[rown-cheese]

My favorite cartoon show

You probably don’t know but I’m a french enby, which mean I grew up with french shows and while they’re not really great, the cartoon shows of my childhood were so great so I’m going to talk to you about my fave one, one I fell in love again like 11 months ago and who is still stuck deep in my heart: Ratz.

There is a possibility that you watched it when you were a kid because it have English/Spanish/Portuguese and others translations but I don’t think it was on screen for as long than in France (1 year only according to Wikipedia, against 3 in France) SO I need to present it to you because the fandom is really little (we’re like, 10 at max, no kidding) but the arts around it are pretty and it’s the best show with gay undertones in my heart.

Ratz is a show about two rats, Rapido and Razmo, who are best friends since forever and ever. They both live on a huge boat who ship tons of cheese all around the world who has only 3 people for the ship crew: the captain, the mechanic Svetlana and the cook Benny. There 52 episodes of 10/11 minutes and while it’s for kids, there’s a lot of adult jokes which make it still really likable today (and you can find them in french and in English for sure in YouTube and probably on Netflix (French Netflix for sure, I don’t know for the rest of the world, but you can use a VPN if you have one). There is no order for the episodes since they’re not linked to each other, however I really like the Wikipedia order so in an other post when I’ll present you the episodes, it’ll be in that order, but watch it how you want! The fact that the episodes aren’t linked creates some weird stuff (like Rapido who can swim in one episode like a boss but not at all in an other) but it’s still really fun.

If you can understand french, I really recommend you to watch the french voices because they’re really great, I promise (as a French person who prefers watching shows in their original language (with dubs) when they’re not french).

Since I’m talking about this show, I may as well present you the two mains characters, right? Of course I’ll do! Let’s go!

First of all, there is Razmo!

Razmo is a little rat, really tiny and short, really recognizable for his blue dungarees. He’s a mechanic, too nice for his own good (he’s always helping the others, not even paying attention to the fact that they’re dangerous). He loves playing music (and he’s good with some of them (for rats tastes) but doesn’t care if he’s bad at others). He’s the inventor of the ratboard (a flying vehicle made up with mouse swatter that can be compared to bike as human vehicle). He has a lot of insecurities (he has depression, he has body issues, …) and that’s makes him very vulnerable to others and easily manipulable (which even Rapido can uses against him). He’s also really loves physical demonstrations of affection, always wanting to hug Rapido despite being pushed back almost every time, but he’s also the more willing to show his affection for his best friend, saying how much he dreams of him, taking care of him. Also! He’s the one who takes care of everything: the food, the cleaning, the grosseries, … (a real housewife, he deserves a break). Despite not liking doing sports at all (at contrary to Rapido), he has a natural gift for sports.

Now for the Head-canons of that blue little rat! All the head-canons or almost all of them are made and validated by the fandom so it’s good:

Razmo is ginger head! In the show, Rapido is clearly showing his love for ginger heads and since all the fandom ships them, it’s almost like it’s canon

Razmo was adopted by bunnies! In the show, at the end of one episode, Razmo and Rapido are in shock to discover that a blue bunny in a cage looks exactly like one of his sisters and since they recognize that the bunny is indeed a bunny, it’s really close to canon

Razmo is the youngest! In the show, Rapido has a line that could say that Razmo is the oldest, however since Rapido is easily a jerk to him, judging him and everything, all the fandom agree that Razmo is the youngest of the two

Razmo is arab!

Razmo is bi as hell! In the show, he’s attracted by the frogs (for their legs especially) who are all females, he makes a plush of the flea that attacked him and hugged him during an episode because he’s craving for hugs, and at the credits of the episodes Rapido surprises him with a mouse (in French, it’s translated by “la souris” which is feminine, which could implied that the mouse is a woman but the gender is never said) BUT ALSO, he’s clearly having a thing for Rapido, always wanting to amaze him, to hug him, dreaming of him almost every nights… so yeah, huge bi rat here.

Now, Rapido! Rapido is a tall black rat all in red and black leather pant (HC or Canon, I’m not sure). He has a huge ego, loving himself more than anyone else and always thinking he’s close to some stars (and by that, I mean 2000 stars) and tries to become an actor himself. He loves to be the center of attention of everyone but only when he wants it (he lies to mussels about his life to impress them but really hates that the frogs are all in love with him). He loves to race with Razmo and to make him do all the work. While he’s often being a jerk to Razmo, pushing him away when the little rat wants a hug but he is actually the most clingy, hugging, caressing him, and he’s sliding in Razmo bed more than Razmo does it. Like Razmo, he got some insecurities: he really needs people approbation (by wanting to be popular) and just can’t handle the possibility of anyone being close to Razmo, always trying to make them go away when it happens (he fights a caterpillar, verbally attacks a lobster, tries to threw a pregnant turtle out of the ship, etc...). Also, he really is a coward, he’s scared easily and that’s make him stupider than he is, even if he’s not as stupid as he looks, having some knowledge in sorcery or maths for exemples.

Now, for his head-canons, they’re like Razmo’s, approved by the fandom (and yes, we’re still not exactly 10):

Rapido is pan, but as really low attraction to women (actually, this one is mine)! First of all, the fact that he’s pan is because he’s really attracted to everyone no matter the gender at all however women scare him. In one episode, a huge female rat is attracted by him but her attitude scares him away, and it’s the same for the frogs despite loving being the center of attention

Rapido is Italian/Arab!

When Rapido is scared, he can’t think correctly, which makes him stupider and that guides him to forget things like the fact that he can swim or think Razmo is a vampire despite the fact that it’s well known that the little rat is a huge fan of Halloween

Now, now, now… I really love this show, you know? When I was a kid, I thought it was so funny but now it just fill holes in my heart, that show helped me so much! And the fact that I can find so many LGBTQIA+ HC in the different characters helps me a lot too (even if the French Twitter was really hard to me and the other people in the fandom about that…) because representations is still a hard thing to find, you know? And since I really, really love this cartoon who give me love and hope and happiness, I wrote that whole thing in English just to share it with some people. Maybe it can give happiness to someone else? or maybe not, but I was happy to share it anyways.

Just, a little disclaimer: The show was on screens in the 2000′s (especially between 2003 and 2006) and has some caricatural picture of Asiatic people with the character of Benny who’s the cook of the show and as that, he depicted as eating everything whatever it is. That wasn’t something I noticed before but one of my friend did and it’s important to warn you before you watch it!

[cecilyneville]

the spanish princess ep 3 the margaret and mary show:

i feel like charlotte hope is trying to aim for a claire foy-esque performance - taut jaw, wide eyes - but while claire is able to say so much with a single blink, charlotte just...yeah ok you know what i’m getting at here, there’s no point in saying it any more.

why would catherine call wolsey “chaplain”? that was his position, not his title, and honestly by 1513/14 (idk what year we’re supposed to be in) i don’t think that was his position anymore (ok he got the promotion later this episode. i still think calling him “chaplain” is dumb)

“am i being punished?” yes catherine, you are! emma frost has made this perfectly clear!

god, i just hate her so much. i can hardly even look at her. yes i’m being mean but also i’m right

“you only get one first time catherine” LOOOOOL

honestly at this point we are one episode away from henry putting a bag over his head lord snowden style

what is this bullshit about henry guaranteeing margaret’s regency? it was laid out in james’ will jesus christ you can’t even give me this

angus physically picking up james v? love me some (probably unintentional) foreshadowing, also as to his anglophilia

the scots are barbarians who can’t help brawling in council! give me strength

lina and oveido named their kids thomas and BARNABY??? 

the writers room being like “what’s the most english name we can give this kid” / “uhhh idk how about the name of the guy from midsomer murders”

catherine saying “i am [a] better [politician than wolsey]” IS THIS A COMEDY

WHY DOES BRANDON CALL MARY HORSE I HATE THIS

emma frost wants us to be mad at henry when he tells catherine off but he’s 100% right and she deserves it

MEG ASKING CATHERINE FOR ADVICE? HATE IT LOL

tsp denied me a hot angus and i won’t forgive them (the guy who’s playing him is a good actor, but i feel as if he’s playing angus too nice)

“have you had any more dreams?” meg he just wants to know if you dream of sexytimes with him lol

“everything good comes out of england” oh they are laying it on THICK with the angus anglophilia

angus showing up next episode in a union jack t-shirt and a teapot shaped like the tardis like some superwholock fan from 2013

oviedo in the background just like “fuuuuck catherine lol”

“before i came to england i was told the english never washed” / “it is a little true, i HATE bathing” - ok this was actually really funny, mostly thanks to sai bennett’s delivery

STOP MAKING ANGUS NICE, WHERE ARE THE FUCKBOI ENERGIES

look i know this letter/monologue is supposed to highlight catherine’s grief but fucking hell shut up, meg’s busy trying to rule scotland she doesn’t need your whining

meg: catherine help me / catherine: MY LIFE IS SO HARD WAAAHHH

i know i’m asking for too much but it would have been nice to see joan guildford attend mary, but women over like 40 don’t exist at the tsp version of the tudor court and if they do they’re evil

STOP CALLING HER HORSE IT IS SOOO CRINGEY

why is he calling her that? is it supposed to be a pun on mary/mare? they would be so cute if it wasn’t for this 

the people of edinburgh are about to riot, but unfortunately they could only afford to put like 20 people in the scene

i can’t stress enough how much i deserved a hot angus

this speech is stupid but i love georgie. also it would have been better if the crowd had joined in with her song

I ALSO DESERVE A HOT ALBANY AND TSP DENIES ME THIS

👏 GIVE 👏 ME 👏 HOT 👏 SCOTTISH 👏 DUDES 👏

can’t believe this is the network that brought us outlander. jesus, couldn’t give richard rankin a role in this??? he’d make a great albany

i expect expository dialogue in historical dramas but this is something else

maggie saying “the queen said it was not the best time to ask, you are not at your happiest” - how am i expected to believe margaret pole is THIS stupid

actually surprised at louis being nice to mary and vowing not to hurt her, this is one up on the tudors’ gross portuguese king

for a show that airs on starz the sex scenes are so dull

mary just trying to induce a heart attack in louis is so funny, love her so much

“you are the greatest queen scotland has ever known” look i love meg to pieces but somewhere, st margaret is turning over in her grave

“you don’t favour one clan over another” OH LORD

i like how they have lina speaking spanish but it just drives home how much better stephanie levi-john is at this

i like henry’s green doublet

oh yeah you go girl! clench that neck and win back your husband from that evil wolsey! girl power!!!! this ending is so anticlimactic but what else should i expect

[nattspencer]

In case of boredom - Part 1

Missy x reader

Part 1 (you’re here) / Part 2 / Part 3 - Complete 

Summary: The reader was always intrigued by the Time Lady. When she jumps into the TARDIS, the readers decided to write a little novel to take her out of boredom, putting little annoying riddles as a password to each file.

A/N: English is not my first language, I’m really sorry for any mistakes. Also, this is my first fanfic here, so please be kind. I already have a part two in mind for this, let me know if you want it.

Warnings: None

Word count: 1.9k

The GIF is not mine

      Sometimes you think your major problem is having too much empathy and caring so much for other people. You can’t just see someone feeling miserable and not try to do anything to cheer them up, even if this means just standing beside them, however, despite your best intentions, it often ends up hurting yourself, since you always internalize some of their issues. This wasn’t any different when a intergalactic murder time lady started traveling with you, Bill, Nardole and The Doctor.

       You had analyzed Missy since the first time you entered the vault with Mr. Eyebrows - you definitely adore calling him that way, the eyebrows always grows frowny proving your point right - primarily, it was just part of your hobby, you loved study people’s personalities - it always helped to create amazing characters for your tales - but there was something about her, something that scary and attractive at the same time and you never were so intrigued. Slowly, piece by piece, observing from a distance every single detail about her, you started to finally understand bits of what's going on under those pale blue eyes.

      The memory of Nardole’s panicked face when he saw Missy sitting comfortably on the TARDIS after your meet with the ninth legion flashed in your brain and it still makes you giggle, it wasn’t supposed to be funny, you were kinda scared in the moment as well, but his reaction and protests were really hilarious. Bill also tried to complain when she found out that the Time Lady would become a regular in the police box, but The Doctor promised that Missy wouldn’t kill any of you, and also the ship needed maintenance.

      As time passed by, you couldn’t agree more with the Time Lady’s words, she was as much a prisoner here as she was on the vault, and defitinaly as lonely too. Missy spent hours immersed in maintenance work while you all rushed throughout the universe in inimaginable adventures, and when the TARDIS finally fills up again, none of you dare to initiate a friendly conversation with her or even just be alone in her presence, too afraid of her impressibility. Nonetheless, the intriguing mocking smile never left her lips, always ready to toy with any of you, and without a doubt, always ready to annoy the Time Lord. No one would dare to say, but all of you loved to see her messing with Mr. Eyebrows.

      “Head in the clouds?” Bill asked sitting on your side, in the stairs of the console room.

      “Kinda, was it that obvious?” You just hoped not to be a weirdo for too long.

      “Looking at a random spot in the ground for hm… fifteen minutes? Yeah, very obvious, and knowing your eyes, you would probably stay like that for some hours” 

      “Sorry, sometimes I just wonder off, you know” You smiled shyly.

      “I do” She smiled back “I also know that your best histories comes out when you are like this, and believe me, I would let you wander off for hours just to read whatever you would write, but a certain Time Lady was starting to stare at you way too much, so I had to save my beautiful writer from weeks of mocking”

      “Oh, you are really my hero” You gave her an exaggerated hug that made you both lay down on the stairs, laughing.

      “Nothing is for free sweetie, I want a new tale on my table by tomorrow” She teased.

      “As you wish ma’am” You did a floppy continence to her order, and then, an idea crossed your mind.

      “Are you okay?” She asked when you got suddenly serious.

      “I think I just found a solution for something”

      “What something?”

     “You’ll see” You answer simply.

      “Just stay out of trouble little girl” She talked with a warning voice.

      “Considering where we are and who we travel with, I don’t think that would be rather possible”

      “Yeah, I suppose you’re right” She admitted with a little chuckle while she stood up “I'm going to bed, try to go sleep soon as well, it was a tiring day”

      “I’ll do my best, boss” She just showed you her tongue and left the room with a smile still dancing between her lips.

      Books! Missy was always reading something to try free herself from boredom, it wasn’t unusual to find some bloody murder mystery novel around her, so the thought came to your mind, maybe, just maybe, you could try to help her through the characters, encourage her to be good and, with some luck, write something that she would really get excited about. Howbeit, you know it wouldn’t be so easy, the plot needed to be tricky, mysterious, unpredictable, and also, you needed her to wait between chapters while you write them - patience was definitely not among her qualities and because of it, she could get bored really easily - so why not put a password in the each file, leaving a little riddle for her to find out? That could be fun.

      A week or so of planning and plotting has passed away and you started writing, thankfully it didn’t take long before two chapters were brought into life, although, you wanted to make sure that she was into your thread before finishing it all, so you began to ponder how to set the perfect bait. You waited until Missy and the Time Lord started their regular argument about some alien knowledge to sneak into the ship, fully aware that they would be busy for some hours and you wouldn’t get caught, you took one of the library's laptops and place it right in the middle of the central reading table, quickly transferring your files to the computer’s main workspace, aside it, you put a little printed note sticked to the screen with the words: In case of boredom. You knew it would trigger her curiosity, now you just have to wait.

      Hours later, when you came back from another intergalactical adventure, you innocently decided to pick a book from the library just for the sake of bed entertainment, of course, and you glanced a little hand write on your sticked note: Pick harder riddles next time. She definitely was on it, and you almost couldn’t hide a little victorious smile crawling to your lips. You kept feeding her with new chapters almost every day with the same strategy, waiting for her to get distracted before you sneak into the place and every single night, after you write, you stood up for hours in front of the computer trying to come up with an even harder riddle. Were in one of these nights that you suddenly realized, nothing would be more challenging for her than riddles about earth’s history, she probably didn’t bother in researching any of it before since Missy despised the planet. It was perfect, and it actually worked.

      Surely, even a terrestrial would have some problem solving your last one ’when the never setting sun empire had to apologize to the biggest lazio’s last flower’ but you didn’t expect to see one of the last of the Time Lords spend a whole three days in just one riddle. You could see by the little popped vein in her forehead how irritated she was for not finding the answer, however you didn’t dare to tease her about it or even talk about it at all, just allowed yourself to sense the little rewarding feeling taking over your chest. 

      On the fourth night, when you were walking towards your bedroom, after checking the Time Lady’s progress, you suddenly felt two arms smashing your body painfully against the corridor walls, and you didn’t have to look to know who it was, actually you were quite expecting this.

      “What is the answer?” Missy demanded with furious eyes and an arm crushing your chest to the wall.

      “Gave up already?” You don’t know where your courage was coming from.

      “If I were you, I would turn all the mocking down, kitten, I’ve killed for much less than that” She placed a hand in your face roughly rubbing your cheek.

      “You wouldn’t kill me” 

       “Why not? Did you forget? I’m bananas” She said very close to your face singing the last word.

      “You wouldn’t do it because you’re too into the story to let it go, too curious, but also too stubborn to ask for a tip from a insignificant little human, especially a tip from the history of a equally insignificant planet, so all your ego allowed you to do was pin me to a wall and demand for a answer, that was the only way you would get what you want and still be in command” Her grip loosened a little bit, and you could see a hint of shock on her beautiful ice eyes, probably no one has ever read her like that “Or I’m just wrong and you’re bananas, of course” You smiled “Either way, I’m willing to give you a tip: Lazio is a italian region, its name refers to the latins, people from whom the Romans descended. Romans in its turn, had Latin as their official language and the vulgar version of it originated tons of others languages, the most recent creation, as people believe, is Portuguese, witch the largest speaking country is Brazil, also, last lazio’s flower is a metaphor used by a important brazilian writer, Olavo Bilac, in one of his famous poems to refers to his mother tongue”

      “And how the hell I was supposed to know that?” Her teeth were clenched and her fingers were pressing your own jaw, not being gentle at all.

      “You weren’t, that’s rather the point dear, but before you throw all your anger in tiny little me, you were the one who asked for harder riddles, and all the information were on the internet, you just needed to find the right track”

      “That’s not harder, that’s just insignificant knowledge” She growned.

      “I know, but that was the only area that I probably would had a little more knowledge then you, so why not take it as a learning opportunity?” Your heart was pumping on your chest, and the adrenaline was present all over your body. Suddenly, she redrew her hands from you.

      “You’re interesting, pet, I’ll play your little game, but you better keep it high level, I get bored pretty easily you know, and you wouldn’t enjoy to talk with me like this when I’m not captivated, you might get kinda too dead”

      “I do acknowledge your facility in get bored, Mistress, had this in mind since day one”

      “Don’t get too arrogant, puppet, you don’t know so much of little old me as you might think”

      “Or you’re too used to be the attention focus to realize that someone, in the corner, is actually observing and analysing you”

      “Am I this important to you kitty cat? The Doctor might get a bit jealous” She raised a eyebrow teasefully.

      “You’re intriguing, Missy, and as you can see, I love intriguing people, always a good inspiration to my characters”

      “So you might want get a closer look” A smirk was growing in her lips as she got closer.

      “I would, if you hadn’t a research to make, you’re four days late” You said as you placed your forefinger in her lips, pushing her back.

      “You escaped this time baby girl, lets see for how long” the mischief was playing in her eyes.

      “You might be a good flirt, but so am I” You winked at her and started to walk calmly to your previous destination.

     “This will be definitely fun” Soon you heard her heels clicking quickly towards the library.