#possibly the best concert experience ive had so far??

[cactusfool]

I SAW WATERPARKS

[madisonrooney]

jersey boys weekend was....insane. which like obvs i expected but it was far more insane than i couldve predicted in the best possible way. more under the cut.

i think imma just let out a stream of consciousness that ill keep chronological as best i can

- its always hard to say if ill cry or not cuz sometimes i do sometimes i dont even with really really special things. admittedly, i was even more vulnernable bc when we got in friday night, there was an issue with our tix. they were supposed to be in the pit but the pit had been removed bc of covid. they had called me last june about changing my pit tix for saturday matinee but never addressed friday even tho they knew i had tix for multiple shows. given that was last june, naturally i forgot about it, so i never reached out to them or anything. so they just had to....find other seats for us. i was really confused and not sure if we were gonna get moved or something. admittedly tho, that still counts as “emotions being impacted by jersey boys” so. hey. but i was definitely also vulnerable out of excitement, i was feeling that all day.

anyway. yah. i fucking sobbed when ces soirees la started, even into silhouettes. like not just tears streaming down my face but like vocal, guttural sobbing. which admittedly isnt that appropriate in a theater, thats more of a concert thing, but i couldnt control myself. regardless it was euphoric. you have no idea how many times i have envisioned that moment in my head for the last TWO YEARS. it may have been slightly disrupted and i was a bit distracted, but i was definitely still able to be present in the moment to some extent.

- every. last. second. not only was just so perfectly written, paced, and acted, but felt so connected to who i am and what i love. not to say i didnt already know i felt that way about the show, but it had been so long. nearly twice as long as the longest id gone without seeing the show before (since i fell in love with it that is). not to mention weve all changed a lot over the last 2 years and im sure most can say they hold the things they love to an even higher value now, especially if those were things they couldn’t experience during quarantine.

- there was new dialogue between frankie and mary?? about knowing each other in high school?? not sure when that was added or why but my mom and i looked at each other like ???? that HAS to be really new cuz i listen to the jersey boys podcast and they havent mentioned it, and i feel like they would if they knew about it

- frankie valli is a short king. dont know how ive never said this before.

- gyp had a really good my mothers eyes cry and i grade gyps on that lol

- im starting to realize that i go ape is kind of a bop. is that bad.

- my dad came to saturday matinee. he hadnt seen the show before, id shown him the movie twice but he couldnt get that into it. but i think it finally clicked. i didnt get my hopes too high, i was sure enough he wouldnt hate it but if he just liked it ok that wouldve been enough. but he kept saying it was “awesome.” i heard him laughing at a number of jokes and i know he loved the music. he had to leave right after so i havent gotten much time to hear all of his thoughts but im def gonna call him soon to hear more.

- OKAY so after saturday matinee, we went to the stage door cuz i wanted pics with the tour buses. turned out, they were just all white but THE CAST WAS THERE. i didnt really know what to do since i know some places discourage stage dooring given the pandemic so i was just like as considerate as i could be but they were super chill, and i got pics with a ton of them + autographs??? normally i rehearse what ill say to actors in my head first and i did a bit leading up to this weekend, but i was pretty sure it wasnt even gonna happen, and in this case, i got no advance notice, i just had to jump right into it. they were just...THERE. so its safe to say i was a bit rambly and probably not saying exactly what i intended too but i also beat myself up too much in those situations a lot. they were all SO nice. i was so so so so happy and excited cuz i mean stage dooring is always exciting and more so for this show but the fact that it happened WHEN I WASNT EVEN EXPECTING IT TO. i was coming unglued looking forward to the show alone and then i got THIS on top of it. i wouldve been over the moon meeting just ONE cast member but i met a TON????

worth noting, one of the people i met was katie goffman who was doves cher understudy in clueless the musical!! i had been excited when she was announced for the touring cast back in late 2019 i think? so im so glad she was still in the cast and that i got to meet her.

i also got to meet kevin patrick martin again who id seen on tour and seen and met at 54 below both in 2018. i remembered him being super nice and he was super nice this time around too. more on him later.

also met the actors who played tommy, joey, crewe, and gyp

- my best friend @wander--meets--world came saturday night, also not having seen the show, just the movie. again, if she just liked it ok, that wouldve been more than enough, i couldnt really say for sure if itd be her thing or not. but she really liked it!! and had so many thoughts to share that we got to talk about at intermission and afterwards!!! over the years, ive had so few people to talk about this show with. i usually just rely on my mom who is great but i cant yknow meme with her fdhgjlkjd. jessica’s familiar with p much all my other main fandoms so we can discuss them, but we hadnt been able to discuss this, which is majorly high on the list. so the fact that we can now makes me sososososo happy.

it was also the first time wed seen each other in person in 2 years?? weve never gone anywhere near that long without seeing each other in the 15 years weve known each other?? and what better thing for us to have been doing than this. we also listened to plastic hearts, went to our fav italian place downtown, went to the 24 hour baskin robbins after the show, and watched cr1tikal in her car. ideal saturday night.

- after that saturday night show, we met a few more cast members, most notably jon hacker who was frankie, who id seen in newsies 7 years ago at the same venue, + as joey at new world stages in 2018, at 54 below a few months later, and then as frankie at new world stages the day after that. met him all those times except when he was joey. i had been so excited that he was a part of the touring cast and im so glad i got to meet him, and we talked for a while! he had such thoughtful responses to everything i had to say. and his poor voice was so gone, he left it all on the floor. (luckily he had a day off today which he deserved lol)

that night, i also met the guy who played nick (who today i realized played gerry when i saw beautiful three years ago and i met him then too lol???) and 2 of the girls who were also super sweet. plus i saw some of the same people from the afternoon again.

- then we had our final matinee this afternoon. we had a different frankie which was very exciting. ofc i love jon but i also love getting to see understudies, especially when youre seeing the show that many times in a row lol. katie was also on and she told me later it was her first time on this year, and i also found out it was her and her husband’s (who plays tommy) first time in the show together!

met that frankie at the stage door plus eric (bob) who id really hoped to meet (he was the only season i hadnt met yet, last piece of the puzzle!) and antonio (barry belson). antonio omgomgomg he was so good in the show so i was so excited to meet him and he gave me a hug??? and i told him like specific inflections of his i liked in the show and he was so touched and impressed that i noticed that??

over the course of making stories and posts on insta, multiple cast members have watched my story, responded to my story, liked my post, commented on my post, and now devon and kevin FOLLOW ME???? HELLO????

im truly just over the moon. again, i knew this weekend would be amazing but SO much more came out of it than i was expecting. like i said, seeing the show was more than enough. even if i only saw it once it wouldve been. but getting to be a crazy superfan and see it so many times was so...validating?? and it was fun to pay attention to more minor details. but then on top of that, the experiences with the cast were remarkable.

it was a little adventure. it felt kind of like the clueless trip (tho i think thatll always take the cake, both for the pure chaos of it all and the unique experience). still, it had the same vibe which felt so good, especially having not felt something like that in so long.

i waited three years for this. eagerly anticipating it to no end and having to deal with it being postponed twice. but it gave me everything i couldve wanted and then some.

rounds 13-16 complete.

[dancedance-resolution]

for andi mack week, i made this uquiz: who are you in the andi mack cinematic universe?

an anon asked me to post all the possible answers (sorry that i lost your ask haha), so ive included screenshots and image IDs of all the answers below the cut! :)

Image IDs of the answer possibilities:

in jonah's band - when you see jonah beck drawing band logo ideas during study hall, you feel like it's fate: you've always wanted to be friends with jonah, and you've also always wanted to be a part of a band! so you introduce yourself to him at your shared lunch block, and soon, you're the bassist in Otter Galaxy, a five-person band consisting of you, jonah (guitarist), buffy (singer), walker (drummer), and kira (trumpter). you all collaborate to write songs from all sorts of genres, and you develop close friendships with all of your bandmates. fourteen great songs later, jonah introduces you to a man named bowie, and he helps Otter Galaxy record their first whole album. buffy's girlfriend andi designs the album cover art, and kira's girlfriend libby runs the band's social media and marketing. Otter Galaxy reaches its career peak--so far, at least--when they perform a setlist of originals and covers at shadyside high school's homecoming dance. you're glowing the whole night, so happy to have made these connections and produced such amazing art with all these humans you love so deeply.

attending an olivia rodrigo concert with amber - you've always made fun of your friend amber for calling into every single radio station ticket giveaway, but when she manages to win ten tickets to olivia rodrigo's sour tour, you immediately rescind all teasing comments. you can't begin to thank amber enough when she announces that she's taking you, andi, buffy, cyrus, iris, kira, maria from the basketball team, and (reluctantly) her brother tj to the concert. the afternoon of the concert, everyone heads over to the kippen household to dress up and prepare for the concert. ms. kippen drives everyone, herself taking the tenth ticket, and everyone manages to fit into her minivan in a mostly legal seating arrangement (andi may be on buffy's lap, and iris may be crouching in the center section of the car, but hey, at least no one's in the trunk!). the concert itself is electric. despite never having endured heartbreak, cyrus sobs at every single song (but, not to worry, tj's there to supportively hold his hand the whole time). andi and iris sing along so passionately that it's a miracle they haven't lost their voices; you and kira share a pink cotton candy that's bigger than your face! by the end of the concert, everyone's exhausted from the rush of adrenaline and joy, and the car ride home is pretty quiet as everyone basks in the sated feeling. you all sleepover at the kippen house, constructing an elaborate maze of pillow forts in the living room before dozing off. you and your friends end up sleeping in 'til noon, when ms. kippen finally wakes everyone up with the smell of homemade pancakes.

gardening with cece - when andi invites you over to help with the gardening, she fails to mention what a serious matter you've just agreed to undertake. with a cold pitcher of lemonade as your sustenance, you and andi join cece in her meticulous plant upkeep duties. cece is a walking encyclopedia of knowledge about the various flowers spread about the garden, and she offers you her gardening cap when she notices how you're squinting under the hot sun. but don't let her kindness fool you: when cece somehow ends up in a passive-aggressive conversation with the neighbor about the location of some plumerias, cece swiftly dons her weapon of choice--the garden hose--and mercilessly discharges its cold water. the hose fight quickly turns into a fun opportunity to cool off, and soon, you and andi are collapsed in a muddy heap of laughter as cece chastises you for wasting water.

andi's lab partner in chemistry class - despite being an art-focused school, saava also has incredibly strong academic programs. alas, this is very unfortunate for you, as you aren't the best at science classes--so you're relieved when you're paired with a really kind and bright girl, andi, for this semester's chemistry labs. andi always manages to bring a certain magic to the routine and rule-based chemistry class, turning graphs of hydrogen levels into colorful maps that remind you of the astrology posters your friend libby likes to paint. and it's like andi's creativity unlocks your own imagination--with andi's help, you turn your simple coffee-decaffeination lab into a rube goldberg machine that creates splatter art! soon, your formerly most dreaded block becomes an exciting opportunity to collaborate with your new friend to make increasingly complex machines, sculptures, paintings, and other forms of art. your final chemistry lab of the year--an exercise in pH measurement that you and andi turn into a mixed-media installation that comments on the shift of identity many students experience when coming to a new school like saava--even gets featured in the "best of saava" monthly magazine! chemistry still may not be your best subject grade-wise, but thanks to andi's friendship and support, you find that you've learned a lot this year, and you really value the time you spent in this class.

psycholanalyzing beloved fictional characters with cyrus - on the first day of highschool, your first block class is the one you're looking forward to most--psychology. there's only one other freshman in the class, so you make sure to sit next to him. his name is cyrus, and soon, you and cyrus are bonding over your shared interest in the "childish" tv shows that your older brother teases you for liking. "if your brother teases you for watching them, why don't you come over to my place, and we can watch them together?" cyrus offers one day, so that afternoon, you head over to his dad's house. he introduces you to his dad and his step-mom sharon, both of whom are therapists (no wonder he knows so many answers in psychology class!), and you're super excited when they let you and cyrus flip through their paper copy of the dsm. sharon makes a bowl of popcorn for you and cyrus to share, and then you start watching pbs kids shows together, consulting cyrus's online copy of the dsm to jokingly psychoanalyze some of the characters from "arthur." ("technically it's a pirated copy of the dsm," cyrus explains bashfully, "but i was too scared to click on the illegal pdf, so i had my friend buffy save it for me.") after a few episodes of gleefully pathologizing fictional characters together, you hear cyrus's boyfriend tj knock on the front door. tj joins you for two more episodes of "wordgirl" (you find out that his favorite character is chuck the sandwich-making guy), and then the three of you eat dinner with cyrus's dad and step-mom before both you and tj have to head home. cyrus hugs you both, thanking you for coming over, and as you wave "bye," you feel so grateful for your two new friends.

[cerealqueenll]

Theory: Why Chao’s Mission Was Always Impossible

I’ve read through Negima’s manga a few times now and like many fans, I was absorbed into Chao’s mission to save her future by altering the past. She had the drive to make her reality one for the better and as a super genius, she was on the verge of succeeding, right?

At this point, I don’t think her mission would ever have come to fruition and she herself may have caused her own future. Please allow me to make my point.

I. The Theories

Chao using a device she made herself, the Casseopeia. This watch allows people to travel back in time and is powered by the World Tree. Chao is in possession of one as if Negi. 

We first see it in action when Negi and Setsuna fall asleep at the infirmary and wake up during the night on the first day of the festival, but are then warped back to the beginning of the first day.

This seems like basic time travel - they traveled through time and are back in the past, but we need to look at the rules of this form of time travel. There are multiple possible theories.

Split Timelines - Each time you travel, any changes you made will either create or allow you to hop to another timeline where the possibility occurred. The idea is that there infinitely many timelines for each choice and outcome that everyone person has ever made. This theory was used in the ever popular Steins;Gate series.

Overwrite - This theory says that when you travel back, anything you do in the past can drastically effect the future. Think butterfly effect. This theory also leads to many paradoxes, too, such as the Grandfather Paradox. If you kill your grandfather in the past before your father is born, how can you be exist to kill your grandfather? In addition, there’s another idea that if you travel back in time in a period where you exist, there cannot be two of you, so you will replace your current self. Another idea that falls into this theory is rewinding, where you can redo the past events in your life with your memories of the future intact.

Looping - This theory says you can travel back in time, but you do not rewrite anything. This takes place in a single timeline and if you continuously travel back, many yous can exist at the same time and while it’s discouraged to interact with your past selves, it’s possible. Everything you do in the past is already reflected in the future because the future is built upon your past actions. This idea can be seen in The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzimiya series. 

II. Which Theory is Used?

If you’re familiar with the series, you may realize that every single one of these theories has been present in some way, but let’s not jump the gun. During the time of Chao’s revolution, only one of these theories occurred and which one exactly on several occasions.

First with Nodoka:

Most notably, this can be seen when Negi and his lot run into their past selves. They comment how they remembered this happening and despite that, it still occurred.

Because of this, we know what the time travel theory is: Looping.

Now what does this mean? 

III. The Outcome

Because this is the theory that occurs as a result of using Chao’s invention, her going back to the past would not result in a new future, but was likely the foundation in which her future was built. The best way to explain this is look at the same idea.

Ako’s concert.

Overcome with grief with her crush seeing her scar, Ako runs away and at the sight of blood, passes out, thus missing the concert entirely. Of course, she is totally upset that she failed to come through for her band mates and is worried she disappointed her crush.

What happens when Ako is passed out? 

We know Negi uses the Casseopeia and takes her back in the past and she is able to make her concert. Despite it being the past and not traveling through the future yet, the future is already determined. 

Before Negi even used the  Casseopeia for the first time, when he and Setsuna fell asleep, he was still actively participating in the events of the festival with his future selves. That future had already been determined and the outcome was the same, it was simply a matter of going through the motions. 

Chao’s trip to the past is no different than Ako’s. Yes, she jumped a much greater time and Chao did not exist in the past, but it’s been determined that with this form of time travel, it will not change the future because it she was always suppose to go in the past. Think back to when Negi and his lot ran into each other. They knew from the past they ran into each other and despite this knowledge, it still happened. You cannot stray from the course.

IV: Did Chao Succeed?

Yes and no.

Chao did change the future and revealed the existence of mages to the world. 

While this technically rewrote the timeline, from the rules we’ve seen, Negi and his companions were always going to escape from captivity and stop Chao. It’s been set in stone. No matter what Chao did: the future was absolute and had already been set.

V:  Chao’s Future

What happened in Chao’s future, though? She’s always been rather vague, but we know that there was a war and much suffering and she wished to prevent. Poyo did however give us a bit more info:

Hell, this doesn’t make a whole lot of sense. If we take what we know and apply it, Chao was always going to travel back in time and encounter Negi. Her future was set and could not be changed. Thus, Negi would take this experience and what he learned from Chao and use that knowledge in the future. 

Most notably, this would be the knowledge that Chao was from Mars and Negi used this to realize that Mundus Magicus was in fact on Mars. This would lead to Negi establishing  Project "Blue Mars". 

We know for a fact that the Magic World is not destroyed within 9-10 years time. We’ve seen that far into the future and Negi’s plan worked. 

But how does that make sense with Chao’s future.

It’s simple: Poyo doesn’t know what caused Chao’s future. She does not say it was Chao’s word that led her to that conclusion, but research. Will the Magic World eventually be destroyed? If that is what actually happened in Chao’s future, then yes. In the current setup, that cannot be avoided and Negi may have temporarily put it hold, but it will inevitably occur. Or is should, but that leads up to our next point.

VI: Other Time Travel Theories

As I mentioned before, there are indeed multiple theories and each of the ones I mentioned would eventually be seen in the series.

The one that we should look at is the different timelines theory.

With the knowledge Chao gave him, Negi set his plans in motion and Asuna was tasked with being in a comatose state for 100 years so her power could repair Mundus Magicus. 

When she woke up, it was over 100 years later and the job had been completed, but she was alone. Then enter Evangeline and Chao, who send Asuna back to the past.

But how was this different? Due to the theory we established, wasn’t she always in the past then? No! Chao in all her genius made a new device: the TransWorld Machine. 

This allows her to skip to alternate timelines and doing this, she created a totally new timeline where Asuna would be present for those 100 years. 

Because of this, she created a new way to travel through time, but unfortunately, this only allows her to skip around to new futures. Her original time line will remain unaffected by this.

Despite this, we do know from UQ Holder that were are individuals who possess abilities to rewrite time, such as Kirie.

When she dies, Kirie will restart at her save point and can redo her life with her current knowledge. We know this is different than Chao;s method, she Kirie simply restarts. There is only one of her present and her future is not pre-determined. In UQ Holder, they use this ability to prevent many tragedies.

However, we know Kirie is not alive during the time of Negima, but there’s certainly a possibility that someone with the same or a similar ability could exist during this time that would change the future, but as there is no evidence of this, I’m going to say it’s unlikely.

There is another method of time travel I did not mention before that would be called: Dana.

Dana is a noble, an immortal with god-like powers. She’s commonly known as the Witch of the Rift and is able to bend the ideas of time and space. Any set laws are going to be broken when she’s present as she just does not care.

Could she change Chao’s future? Yes. 

Will she? It’s certainly possible, I would not put a single thing past her, but it just depends whether she feels like it or not.

We are unraveling the future of UQ Holder, which has been confirmed to take place on Negima’s original timeline before Asuna was sent back to the past. So, is UQ Holder take place in the same timeline as Chao?

It all points to YES.

But there is a hiccup in this theory.

We are given this chart at the end of Negima and it seems to debunk this entire theory. It’s confirmed Negi did change the future, but this doesn’t seem right. Given the theories of time travel, we know the future has been determined, but Chao even throws a wrench into what she just laid out. 

She says Evangeline helped her make the TransWorld Machine. However, the chart shows she skipped to another timeline where she would meet the Evangeline that would help her, which does not make sense. 

If we ignore that, we still need there are three timelines, so even if Chao did go back and lead Negi to create a new timeline, it wouldn’t matter. It would only create a new timeline and not change another one.

How do we explain Chao’s diagram then? Simply put, we don’t! She lied or it’s a mistake on the author’s end. Time travel makes things infinitely more confusing, so it’s certainly possible Ken Akamatsu made a mistake. If we want to be optimistic however, let’s just say Dana did it.

No matter what way you look at it, Chao’s future could not be avoided and odds are, she came to this conclusion. She’s a genius, she wouldn’t overlook this. Either she went back to set things in motion like it was determined or her honestly felt she could somehow change a future she knew was set. It’s pretty sad to think about it that way, but who knows what will happen in UQ Holder. Maybe we will get to see Chao once again!

---------------------

Do you have other ideas that relate to this theory? Any mistakes? Please let me know!

[enbyboiwonder]

Tagged by @frozenmemories1987

So I don’t really understand how this one works, so I’m just gonna answer all the questions and number them consecutively. Upfront I’m gonna say that I’m not tagging anyone, but as always, if you wish to do it, consider yourself tagged. Also, this is going under a read more. Save the thumbs of any mobile users

01. What was the last movie you watched in theaters?

It’s been months, so I can’t remember, sorry

02. What’s your favorite game to play?

Currently it’s Dragon Quest Monsters: Joker 2. I hadn’t played it since I got it (and beat it all in one go), and I forgot just how much I love this game. It’s like Pokémon meets Dragon Quest, and it’s amazing. On the one hand, making a team entirely of dragons might be a bad idea, but on the other hand, I freaking love dragons. I should probably synth one with a healing skillset if I’m gonna do that - possibly Cure-all since that’s got Multiheal. My current party is a Lv 20 great argon lizard named Rory, a Lv 24 slime stack with Cure-all named Sticker, and a Lv 19 aquestrian gladiator with Huntsman named Mizuno. When I leave them to their own devices, Mizuno really loves using Penny Pincher, which tbh I cannot fault him for - normal damage plus the chance to pinch a few gold coins? Heck yes. At least he’s got 44 MP, so I haven’t had to change his tactics to “Don’t Use Magic” yet (the skill costs 2 MP)

03. Chocolate or vanilla?

Chocolate

04. What’s the last show you binge-watched?

NUMB3RS (though I’m still working on that one)

05. Do you have any pets?

No

06. What’s your favorite fairy tale?

I dunno. I don’t actually read very many fairy tales

07. Who’s your favorite superhero?

Superhero stuff doesn’t normally appeal to me, but I do like Cisco Ramon/Vibe and Ray Palmer/The Atom from CW’s Arrowverse

08. Who’s your favorite Disney princess?

Erm, Rapunzel, I guess?

09. Where’s the first place you’re going to go after social distancing is over?

I know I’m gonna hang out with my friend like we were planning to before this started, but as for where... probably Barnes & Noble since that’s where we usually go, but who knows (I say, knowing full well that neither of us know where to go, and we go to HPB when we’re specifically looking for a book but default to B&N bc of the café and seating area)

10. Cookies or cake?

Cookies

11. What show could you watch over and over?

Monk, CSI, and Psych, to name a few

12. Favorite song lyric?

See, I have to believe that there’s more than this seems More than a soul in a boat in a sea of sinking dreams And I have to be sure that there’s gonna be a cure ‘Cause, somewhere down the line, I lost that part of me that’s pure

 - Where We Belong by Thriving Ivory

13. Favorite season of your favorite TV show?

S14 of CSI, probably

14. What never fails to make you smile/happy?

Seeing I’ve got a comment on AO3

15. How are you doing with all that’s going on in the world (coronavirus, having to do social distancing, etc.)?

My lifestyle hasn’t changed at all, though for some reason I’ve actually been getting way more crocheting and video-gaming done than usual (at the expense, of course, of less reading and writing and TV-watching. Unfortunately). But we have lost business at the doughnut shop so I haven’t been working as many days - usually I work Monday and Friday - which, on the one hand, less money, but on the other hand, I’ve gotten more rest so my bruised ribs (from coughing; I had strep about a month and a half ago, and that always leaves me with a cough for a while, though it’s never been this bad before) are mostly healed now

16. We all love new music to listen to. Name an artist that is underrated/you think people should check out:

Thriving Ivory/Midnight Cinema (same band, different songwriters; Thriving Ivory is more piano-driven and leans more toward alt/alt-rock, while Midnight Cinema is more pop)

17. TV shows or movies?

TV shows

18. Favorite holiday?

Halloween

19. A song that describes you:

I’ve always related to Some Kind of Home by Thriving Ivory

20. Describe your tumblr in three words:

“hella queer animal-lover” idk

21. What’s your favorite hobby?

It depends on my mood, but rn it’s crocheting!

22. What’s your favorite book and/or a really good book you’ve read recently?

CSI: Miami: Cut and Run by Donn Cortez is amazing. I read it back in January and then reread it this month. Probably will be rereading it again before long tbh

Another really good one I’ve read recently is How Rory Thorne Destroyed the Multiverse by K. Eason. It just came out like six months ago, so the second one won’t be out any time soon, but I am ready for it when it does (more than ready, actually; I can’t wait)

23. What’s your favorite ship that will never happen (or hasn’t happened yet)?

I really wish they had done something with Greg/Hodges. I mean, they had the perfect setup for it in 11.07 Bump and Grind, what with their “man-dates” (that never get mentioned again)!! Their man-dates become a regular thing that they do like every week or whatever, eventually they realize that they’re actual dates and have been for a while and they start consciously dating. Maybe Greg already knows he’s bi and is totally cool with it, maybe David’s been repressed and realizes that, oh, that’s why something’s always seemed like it was missing when he tried dating before: he’s gay.

Unsurprisingly, I have a few 11.07 fics in my WIPs

(But also, considering CSI’s track record with respecting queer people [poor], I’m kinda glad they didn’t. Woulda been nice, though, long as they'da done it right)

A ship that I’m really hoping will happen is Penelope and Schneider from One Day at a Time. I love them so much

24. If you could spend the day with any living celebrity, who would it be?

I would rather meet a celebrity in passing than spend a day with them. I am far too awkward and anxious, and I’m afraid it would not be an enjoyable experience for either of us

25. The best worst movie you’ve ever seen - a movie that you know objectively is trash but you can’t help but really enjoy it:

I don’t think I have any like this

26. When you read, do you prefer an eReader or an actual, physical book?

Paper books all the way, baby

27. Favorite movie?

Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home, probably

28. What does a normal day look like for you?

I stay in bed reading or playing games on my phone (or, more recently, on my DS) for as long as possible, dick around on here for a while whilst also trying to get at least some SwagBucks in another window, try not to forget to eat lunch, play the free money apps I have on my phone while either listening to music on my laptop or watching shows either on my laptop or the TV, try not to forget to eat dinner, watch some more TV or get some reading or gaming in, try not to stay up too late, take over an hour to fall asleep, maybe if I’m lucky get some writing done at some point during any of this (and if I’m really lucky it won’t be while I’m trying to sleep, but usually it is, damn brain)

29. Have you ever watched a show/movie for one character? If so, who?

Normally when I watch something specifically for someone, it’s for an actor I like, but I started watching CW’s The Flash specifically for Cisco Ramon (well, and Harry Wells and their relationship, but mostly Cisco) and Legends of Tomorrow specifically for Ray Palmer, whom I fell in love with in his ep on The Flash lol

30. What is your ultimate concert (musicians/bands from any period, alive or dead)?

I don’t go to concerts (they seem like they’d be very overwhelming), so, none, I guess

31. Book that you were forced to read in school that you hated the most:

God, I fucking hated To Kill a Mockingbird. Actually, I think the only one I actually liked was The Importance of Being Earnest

[disabled-queen-hc-blog]

Anon asked:  i have issues with losing time and lately ive been losing about every other day which is very disorienting and kind of scary. can i request some hcs of one of the boys losing time and the others helping him ?

♚

“Roger, those pants are atrocious!” Freddie said with a laugh as Roger came out of his room in a pair of tight leopard print jeans. He was trying on possible outfits for the concert later that night and wanted some of Freddie’s input. 

Roger flashed a hazy smile, his body tingling. He turned around to give Freddie a 360 view of the pants, arms thrown up in a “Really?” gesture. Freddie nodded, saying, “Animal prints are not in style anymore, love! Those pants belong in the bin if it were up to me,”

The blond let out a tinkling laugh, spluttering out between giggles, “All right. Guess it’s true,” before padding back into his room to try on other things. 

So, one could imagine the shock Freddie had when later that night Roger emerged from his dressing room in those train wreck looking pair of pants.

“Did you change your mind on my advice?” he asked, stepping back to appreciate those monstrous jeans.

Roger’s head cocked, eyebrows knitting curiously. “What advice?” he was still fumbling with his belt.

“The jeans, Rog! From this morning!”

Roger shook his head, hoping Fred wasn’t drunk already. Starting off a show drunk was always...an experience.

“We didn’t talk about jeans this morning, Fred!” Roger shot back, but he shivered when he tried to remember what he did that morning. It was all blank. Blackness. What did he do this morning?

Freddie huffed, punching his shoulder playfully. “Lay off the sniff, Rog,” he said as a parting joke before he went to warm out.

What did I do this morning? What did I do??

♚

John made a weirded out face as he looked at Roger from across the room, who was supposed to be leaving to get himself some food, but had suddenly stopped in his tracks, facing the door but made no efforts to actually open it. 

John watched him for what felt like minutes, creeped out by how eerily still Roger was. He decided he’d try to snap Roger out of what must have been an intense day dream. He got up, walked up to Roger who didn’t seem to notice him and gently touched his shoulder. 

In a very floaty movement, Roger turned to face John, his heavy lidded eyes drooping even further, a far off smile on his face. John frowned but waved a hand in front of him, saying, “Hello..anybody home?”

Roger chuckled, replying with a bit of a delay, “I’m right here, John,”

And then he left.

John worried Roger was not only high but way too high to go out and get food by himself. He didn’t have to worry for long, as Roger came back into the room some 5 minutes later, his heart thrumming, a big but forced smile on his face.

“I walked out and completely forgot what I was doing,” he said, his eyes now wide and alert, a hint of panic in them. He let out an awkward laugh.

“You were getting some lunch...”

“Oh yeah! Hah! I’m such a blond, right?” he said, turning on his heels to leave again, his body stiff.

How could I forget?

♚

“W-What do you mean we talked about this before?” Roger said as he wringed his hands. Brian stood before him, a hand on his forehead, shaking his curls in disappointment.

“We talked about this yesterday, mate. Are you gonna stand there and tell me you forgot in a matter of 24 hours?” Brian said with an angry lilt in his voice, staring at the neatly piled up papers.

He had told Roger the day before to leave the table messy. Brian had his dissertation laid out in a specific order, pages placed in a certain way so he could write out his conclusion without having to flip through pages to find what he had written before. It would only be for a few days tops. He’d clean it up himself.

But when Roger came to visit that day, Brian had only gone to take a leak for a minute and when he came back, it was all stacked up neatly on the side of the table. Hundreds of papers jumbled up without hope of getting them back to the way the were without a long struggle.

It wasn’t a big deal, but he was working on his PhD for christs sake! His every nerve radiated anxiety and stress. Could he ask for just one thing?

“I’m sorry, I don’t remember,” Roger said, his voice cracking. Those words were beginning to become far too familiar on his tongue. He hadn’t sat down to think about these random bursts of nothingness followed by sharp clarity as he returned to reality, in a different place, around different people, in a conversation, all of which he couldn’t remember. He was losing time. Minutes, hours and sometimes a whole day’s worth. And he had no idea why. And he didn’t even know how often it was happening. 

“Roger, I respect you too much to think of you as that dumb. Just. Shit, mate,” Brian rubbed his eyes, craving another pot of coffee. And for Roger to leave. He was probably doped up. Of course. 

Seeing the dismay on Brian’s face made the dams break in Roger’s brain. He started to cry, against his will. Months of confusion and pretending and hiding all flooded out until all he could do was shake and sob.

Brian went wide eyed, approaching Roger like he was made of glass.

“R-Rog! It’s okay! You don’t have to cry about it. I’ll survive,” he said, not even knowing what to do to soothe the other.

“’S not that. I’m forgetting things, Bri. I don’t remember when people tell me things or when stuff happens. Like my brain keeps turning off the record button or something. I don’t remember coming here yesterday, Brian. I don’t remember what happened at all yesterday!” He stuttered, blubbered and sniffled out, his hands out in front of him like a child asking their mother to pick them up. 

Brian held onto Roger tight, his chin nestled into the messy blond hair, his arms wrapped around Roger like an anchor. He wasn’t sure exactly what was happening, but his best friend was having a meltdown of sorts and he’d be damned if he ignored him because of some silly papers.

“Roger, it’s okay. It’s okay. I’ve got you, mate. We’ll figure this out, okay? You don’t have to be alone anymore,” he whispered, his shirt growing damp from Roger’s tears. 

“What if I don’t remember this?” he whispered hoarsely, a hiccup wracking his chest.

“I’ll just remind you then,” Brian said assuredly. 

What if I forget?

♚

“You won’t forget, darling,” Freddie said as he threw Roger a water bottle. 

Roger caught it, taking a big swig of it before placing it next to his drum kit. He shook his head, drumsticks twirling through his fingers nervously. “What if we record all of this and I just forget it all? And have to keep relearning it,” he said quietly, eyes downcast.

Brian walked up next to him, guitar in hand and gave Roger’s head a reassuring pat. “Haven’t things been going well in therapy?” he asked, a little smile on his face. Roger nodded.

He thought he was losing his mind at one point. He really thought it would keep getting worse until he never remembered anything at all. Lost forever in a body on autopilot. Brian and the other’s wouldn’t allow that though. They searched far and wide for something or someone that could help. Wouldn’t you know? Suppressing years of childhood abuse didn’t mean it went away. It just came to bite you in the ass as an adult. At least, that’s what his trauma counselor said. Working with her has opened his eyes to a lot of stuff and helped him shed the stress he’d been unknowingly harboring inside of him for years. In the few months they’ve been working together, he hadn’t had an episode in weeks. It didn’t mean he wasn’t scared all the time, waiting for the next one. At least the next one wasn’t minutes away anymore.

Roger hit his drumstick down on the snare with a shrug. “Fine,” he acquiesced. They all grinned, excited to know Roger was ready to sit back down with them and keep working. 

“I forget my lines all the time, dear. Don’t stress it,” Freddie said, adjusting the mic above his piano. 

“And if you forget, it’s no big deal. There’s always tomorrow,” Brian added.

“I mess up all the time and nobody ever notices,” John said with a cheeky laugh. 

“I said fine already!” Roger said as he blushed, appreciating their love for him but finding it smothering. “Let’s get on with it before I forget from old age!”

The four snickered but proceeded with the recording session. And Roger didn’t miss a single beat.

[jimlingss]

my concert experience

so i went to Hamilton for all three concert days like a psycho. and now ive returned with my sanity lost, my vocals damaged, and an empty wallet .__.

I honestly don’t remember that much and I didn’t sit that close so I’m not sure how detailed I can be....the first day I sat lower section and the other two days, I sat upper balcony. Watched with my own eyes, the screen, and use of binoculars. Alright...let’s do this...

General Notes: For some reason on the first day, their voices were a few pitches higher, especially for Jimin and Jungkook. I thought it was odd and it was my first concert experience so I didn’t know if this was how it was supposed to be. I suspected that it might’ve been some kind of equipment error. Turns out on the second day, Namjoon said they monitored their performance and made adjustments so I was right. It was because of the equipment or some kind of technician problem. (and Jimin looked like he was going to cry at some points on the first day so I wonder if it was because of the audio problems).

On the second day, Jungkook’s mic faded in once or twice (as well as someone else’s) but for the most part they sounded like they do in the studio. Third day was perfect. Their voices legit sound like the recordings.

First time I went was a surreal experience. Didn’t know what happened. Felt like a dream. Second time I could soak it in better. Third I was a lot calmer and able to enjoy just as much.

Namjoon: I felt like he was really sincere. I don’t know how to explain but he felt really sincere in the way he sang, spoke, looked at the crowd and performed. His solo was earnestly done, the way he presents himself is entirely genuine and heartfelt. I don’t know anything other than to say....he is sincere. When I think back to it, I think the word ‘sincere’.....Also, he had a lame ass pick-up line on the first and second day and I fucking love that shit so....(he said something like ‘maple syrup is sweet but you guys are sweeter’.

Jin: So this dude is pretty soft looking (not as much as Yoongi tho). He’s really, really, really handsome. Like more than you’d expect....I know....how is that possible. But the camera doesn’t lie. think of the best pic you’ve seen of Jin ever....yea...that’s him. But he looks really princely. like royalty. like out of this world. not necessarily boy next door or someone approachable....just, very, princely. (also the entire crowd sang with him during his solo and it was super emotional and wow, touched my cold, dead, heart.)

Yoongi: He’s so soft. His smile is literally the sweetest thing ever, it’s like he was made out of honey or some shit. He doesn’t even bother singing his part in I Need U and just shoves the microphone into the crowd and then gives this sugary-ass, sheepish, gummy smile that makes the entire crowd go wild (including me). even when he was going hard during Tear, I still think he’s soft. He’s just so fucking soft looking. His cheeks, his skin, his smile. Soft.

Hoseok: Everyone always says the camera never does him justice but I found he looked pretty similar to how he does on screen. HoWEVER, the biggest difference is stage presence. Out of all of BTS, truly, Hoseok has the best stage presence. His solo was captivating. And he’s sexy. SEXY. JUST SEXY. I can never, ever, look at Hoseok as purely a happy-go-lucky guy again. he’s not just cheerful or carefree. He’s not just boy next door, the kid you grew up with type. HE’S HOT. Literally, the sexiest out of all of them....think cypher performances of Hoseok...yeah...he’s like that...all the time....

Jimin: ok, no lie, I paid the most attention to him cause duh, he’s my ultimate bias and i’d eat my shit for him. He’s got sharper features than expected. (chubby diminnie is no more). And he got really emotional at some points looking at the crowd. the way he thanks the fans is truly heartfelt and i could feel that he was truly grateful for everyone in the audience. He might not look cute (that jawline is damn sharp) but his mannerisms are fucking cute as hell. don’t know how to explain but the way he smiles, speaks, waves, it’s cute. he’s a cute fluff ball when he’s having fun.

Taehyung: so Tae is not my bias, far from it but holy. fucking. hell. i have the most to say about this guy...this guy...he owns the stage. he absolutely OWNS it. while the others can dominate and perform well, there’s something about Taehyung that makes it seem he especially has fun on stage. Like he’s having so much fun being there. It’s not just a job or a performance. it’s fun for him. His smile is amazing. It’s bratty, mischievous and almost cocky. When he smiles, you’re like....the fuck....WHY ARE YOU PLAYING WITH ME?! I love all the solos. Seesaw is my personal favourite, and all the solos were so well done....they were like ‘here’. But Singularity was UP THERE. It was undeniably the best solo, each and every time, for all three days. It was eXACTLY like the music video. the vocals to the performance to the dance. it was like ‘oh shit, holy fuck’. I watched with my jaw dropped each and every time. Singularity was hands down the best solo, despite the others being so fucking amazing. It was by far the most captivating.

Jungkook: He’s definitely the maknae. While on videos and in bombs, he doesn’t act like the maknae very often since he teases his hyungs and acts like a brat...but irl, one glance at him and you know he’s the youngest. he just looks very youthful. like a whole ass baby. Euphoria wasn’t my favourite but after seeing the performance, I can confidently say I love it now. His smile is so boyish. His smile is cute and it makes him look young. It’s really sweet to see him smile. When he smiles during Euphoria, your breath just gets taken away. I think he plays with the other members the most on stage (climbing on Hoseok’s back, doing this dance with Jin, stepping on Taehyung’s thigh lol etc.). So when I think of Namjoon, i think of ‘sincere’, when I think of Jungkook, I think ‘maknae’ and ‘young’ and ‘boyish’.

All in all, the experience wasn’t life altering (I don’t feel like my world has been reshaped - you expect that after seeing them you’re entire existence would change but it doesn’t lol) but it was very valuable. I’m so happy to have went and seen them. I’m glad for the experience and all the ARMYs I met were so awesome and fun. It was the best place hands-down to make friends.

[berryunho]

AHHH IM SO HAPPY FOR YOU SEEING THEM ON YOUR BIRTHDAY !!! the best birthday present and so well deserved <3 i’m seeing them on the 21st and 22nd in atlanta hehe they’re gonna be in newark on my actual birthday (the 28th) and unfortunately i cannot afford a trip rn, BUT at least i’ll get to sing happy birthday to woo and joong (possibly) 🤭🤭 as of right now the only day i have vip for is the 21st and i’m nervous bc i’ve never had GA tickets before.. i have no clue what to expect omg LIKE IM ACTUALLY SO SCARED LMAO hoping that me being 5’10 actually comes in handy and i’ll have a good view 🥲

but it’s gonna be my first time seeing them in concert, so i’m so so so excited !! 🥹

AAAAA TYSM IM SO EXCITED !!! hehe congratulations on getting tickets yourself !!! I'm v lucky that my birthday just so happened to align w the closest venue to where I live (though chicago is still... very far from where i live LOL) but hehe you'll be celebrating your birthday month with them at least !!! :] I've never done GA for a kpop concert so I'm also quite nervous also bc ... yk kpop stans are feral lol but I'm sure we'll figure it out and have a good time :] honestly I'm 5'6" and I normally can see pretty alright in GA (for western artists lol) so you should be okay probably?! but!!! YAY!!!! I'm so excited for you seriously like. I know I'm biased. but no other concert ive ever been to has lived up to ateez and its such an experience to see them and AAAA YAYYYY!!!! <3<3

[theparaminds]

It’s not as though Natalie Green knew what this year held in store or what would exist at the end of the road. Though, at every step of the way, he kept going. Embodied in both his music and his story of perseverance, is a rare example of an artistic soul that found peace where few would ever dream to look. It took months of learning and continued questioning of himself and what he wanted to be. But in the end, it resulted in a man anew.

With a new project taking shape in studio sessions that contrast his earlier life, Natalie Green is finding a voice he previously was nervous to share, speaking louder than before. The ideas, memoirs and anxieties he hopes to express have become clear. With every note, he continually finds himself as much as he does connect to those who battle the same confusions.

Natalie Green now stands with a new asset he hadn’t held prior, the ability to embark on the path he wants, not the one life throws him upon. He can stand and become the artist he visualizes, the artist he knows is essential to reveal to the world. For the first time in a while, Natalie Green is in control, with a steering wheel in hand and a road of possibility on the horizon.

Our first question as always, how’s your day going and how are you?

Things have been hectic, but good. Good busy you know? There are different kinds of busy and this one has been all positive.

On your last EP last year, it sounded like you weren’t fully at peace, do you find that you are now after a year of personal introspection?

Yeah for sure, when I was writing the EP, I was in a really terrible place physically, emotionally and mentally. It was a passion project when it came out, I didn’t have to think about it. Whereas now, I’ve got a place, I’m not just in my car anymore, I emotionally feel a lot more centered, I have my head on straight. I’ve found friends and people that I love to surround myself with. Everything’s been a thousand times better.

When you’re looking within this shift you’ve undertaken, where do you think you’ve personally grown the most, whether artistically or as an individual?

I think I’ve gotten more empathetic towards people. All people. As well, I feel more self-aware. What I realized when living in my car was that I didn’t know myself. Living in a house again with roommates made me, in a new way, learn more about myself, and where I needed to spend a lot of time mentally. As far as musically, I feel more confident, I think that’s apparent in my vocals and instrumentation, they’re far more personal in that sense.

With the new year in season, being a time of reflecting upon the past year, do you have any memories that stick out to you as positive through the difficult and turbulent times?

There’s a lot. I don’t know if there’s one specific moment, but definitely moving into the apartment. I also got to play a private show in my friend’s backyard for all my close friends. That was a big moment for me. There’s a lot of moments where I had friends reassure me, and believe in me when I wasn’t doing so myself. One of my best friends from back home came to live here a little while ago, that was really special to have him back. The whole tour with Roy, of course, was inspiring, to see him do all that and becoming closer to everyone I went on tour with will forever be in my memories.

With that tour, and even more so working on Cat Heaven, happening while you were working on your own projects, did they influence the way you approached your new work?

There are certain things I learn from other people I can implement in my own music later. There will be something I’ll figure out while I’m working with someone, be it a sound or a new style, I can kinda pull out later. A lot of it is just talking to others and learning their inspirations and how that reflects in their music. Then turning and comparing that to my own influences and seeing how I do the same. It’s all just inspiration.

To touch on that idea of inspiration, you’ve mentioned in the past how you have a wide range on influences in your life in terms on music, but in the last year, which artists have really been influencing the work you’re putting out?

There’s been a lot of really great artists I just got into this past year-ish, but a big one is Michelle Zauner, who’s the singer for Japanese Breakfast. I’m hugely inspired by her, the fact she directs her own music videos and does all her own creative output, it’s really amazing. I’ve also loved the movies of Michel Gondry and the writing of Charlie Kaufman, anything they work on is amazing and so intoxicating.

With this new album you’re ramping up to release, has there been a difference in approach to how you wrote songs and lyrics? And how does that process look like?

I mean it’s been different for almost every song, I tried to do the album the same way I did the EP, and it wasn’t working right. Every song I wrote just felt lacklustre or the same. So to change it up, I had to change my methods, like the first song I wrote, I did two guitar parts first and then I sang, then produced over. That is very different to the EP which was songs first then lyrics. There are certain songs where before I recorded, I had a guitar riff and just wrote the song in a very traditional way, just chords and singing. Maybe loops would be first at times, and then they’d be built off of. Everything has been different.

It’s interesting because it sounds like you’ve really been adding more to your skill set as an artist, would you say that if you had a tool belt of music, that you’ve been adding towards it in the last while?

Yeah, definitely. I’ve been doing that my whole life honestly. I started in bands, not knowing how to produce or anything, but I could play guitar and from then I learned the bass just to add of that. Then I learned production, and that is forever useful. Now I’m working more to be an artist and learn what that entails and requires. Every time I learn something new I really take that and hold onto it until needed.

If you could create your ideal music creation space, where would it be and how would it look like?

That’s interesting, It would really just need to be a secluded place. A place I could disappear and a place I could be as loud as I want as late as I want. No interruptions, all the equipment I needed. Some food, drinks and a bathroom, that’s all I need.

Over the year you’ve posted some concerts you went to, like Paramore in the summer. Are there other shows you saw live that really had an impact upon you and maybe changed the way you approach live shows yourself?

Well, of course, the tour with Roy, he’s been super inspiring in general and watching the man work is amazing. He has a lot of fantastic ideas and he goes through with them. I saw Daisy as well, and they’re so good live. Solange was also amazing with her stage design and her choreography. I also saw Soccer Mommy pretty recently, and it wasn’t too extravagant but it was so well done and exciting to see as a fan of the music.

When you’re on stage, even something like the backyard show you mentioned earlier, what’s the emotion you’re trying to achieve and what is the mindset that you find yourself within at that moment?

When I played that private show, I realized all my songs were pretty mellow and hard to dance or move to. All except for Beachwood didn’t translate very well. So with this new project, I want them to translate really well live, to feel energetic, to feel lively. The songs are just fun. But I keep that emotion in and make sure that I don’t lose what made the earlier work so special and important.

What’s been the overall message you’re trying to pursue this new work and what is it you’re hoping to convey?

I kinda just want to tell my story. Or a story of mine. If people learn things from that, its great, but I’m just saying what happened in my experience. What I realized is that there’s a lot of shitty things that happened to me in my life, but the truth is that things could be a lot worse, so far they’ve been pretty good for the most part. While I had those tough days, I’m still here kicking it.

I apologize if it’s a repeated question, but with the topic of your story, what’s the meaning behind the stage name you’ve taken upon yourself?

It is and it isn’t part of my story in a way. A big part of that choice was that I wanted to separate myself from my old name and work. I wanted this to be super new. The name is taken from two names of people I am very inspired by. And it also, to me, sounds like the quintessential hot girl from a high school, the girl in the coming of age movie they all go after.

If you had a message to artists out there who may find themselves in the same space as you have previously found yourself within, those who may feel as unsure, what would be your lesson to pass on?

I think it doesn’t matter if you’re as confident or as talented as you want to be, as long as you recognize what sounds good to you, just put out the song. It doesn’t matter if you think your voice was bad, just keep progressing as an artist. If you wait for that progression you’ll never put stuff out, you’ll never be happy. With whatever you have right now, just start putting something, anything, out.

Follow Natalie Green on Twitter and Instagram

Listen on Soundcloud and Spotify

All Photos by Guthrie King

[namjoonsteeth]

Ruin The Friendship (part IV)

Title: Ruin The Friendship (mini-series) Part 4

Word-Count: 6.4k

Pairing: Jay Park/ Reader (kinda)

Summary: Best friends to lovers. Inspired by Ruin The Friendship - Demi Lovato.

Genre: Smutty Fluff

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 5

We fall into a routine.

He’s working on an album right now on top of tons of collaborations. In the morning, I can account for him to be either at the studio or the gym. I work at my studio with Bora preparing for award season. We book a lot of consultations and do hours of research to the point that we could name menswear by designer from this season.

At night Jay’s at the studio. He works into the morning often, sending me snippets of him singing riffs. Sometimes, he’s at my door at two o’clock in the morning, a sleepy smile on his face. Other times it’s me, climbing in his bed waiting until he slips in beside me.

We talk a lot. We talk about how different our lives are compared to how we thought it would be. We talk about each other, we talk about love and hope, and wanting more still.

We have sex; slow, hot, and tired; rough, knee-shaking, fucks; quick mid-day romps that leave us wanting more but holds us over until we can get our hands on each other again.

Most importantly, we laugh. I’ve long since gotten used to the universe knowing that I’m in love with my best friend. Sometimes I wonder exactly what it is about him that made it essential for me to love him the way that I do. I don’t think I’ll ever really get an answer. I just know that he’d always meant to be apart of my life. From childhood to adulthood, we’d found each other again and again.

Jay: I think this is the ugliest picture I have of you.

We’ve been doing this for the past hour. He includes a picture of me that I’m sure is hidden somewhere deep in my parents’ basement back home in Seattle. I’m crying hysterically over a pair of concert tickets on Christmas morning. My hair sticks up in every direction which luckily (I think) draws attention away from the reindeer pajamas my mom pressured my sister and I into wearing. I’m at least sixteen by the way; old enough for this to be the most embarrassing thing I’ve ever laid eyes on.

Y/n: Burn it. You win.

Jay: I’ll delete it if you replace it...

I roll my eyes. The idea of sending nudes has never been something I really scoffed at. I’ve done it at least twice in my life. But there’s just something about how bad Jay wants a photo of my body that he’s sees almost every night that has me feeling a little bit powerful. I’m not ready to relinquish that yet.

Y/n: the porn industry is a million dollar business for a reason

Jay: it’s not the sameee😩😩

Y/n: just delete the damn picture Jay

Jay: nope. I think I found my next WCE picture

Y/n: im not having sex with you until you delete the picture

Jay: 😂😂😂😂😂😂

Jay: Says the girl who begs me to come over at four in the morning.

Dammit. He’s right.

Y/n: That was one time and I was hormonal.

My phone rings, Jay’s face flashing.

“What do you want?”

He laughs and I’m so glad he’s at work instead in front of me because I can’t even pretend to be upset at him when he laughs. Bora shoots me a look from her desks. I think she’s a little confused as to how Jay and I actually like each other when we’re bickering every other minute.

“Is this how you treat me? After I spent all night letting you have your filthy way with me,”

“You’re probably the most annoying person in South Korea,”

“You love me,” he says.

“I do,” I tell him. We don’t say it often. Sometimes I whisper it at night when I’m sure he’s half asleep and the only response I get is his arms tightening around me as if he’s saying, ‘Yeah, me too,’. Or sometimes when he feels too good sliding against me, I think the words so hard that they slip out.

“Did you tell Bora about Henz tonight?”

“I did. She’s in,”

Jay has been working non-stop since he came back from the states two weeks ago. And because he feels like going out tonight, we’re going out. It’s been a while since I’ve been out with Jay and his friends.

The day passes slowly. Bora and I finalize Zino’s look and pack away everything neatly for next week. She laments again about how she’ll be so lonely in LA without me. I assure her that her boyfriend Jin will more than make sure she has a good time. Giving my plane ticket to Jin seems to be becoming more and more of a good idea.

As much as Jay pushed me into the decision a little, I know it was a good one. I can’t lie and pretend that if the tables were turned, I’d be 100% comfortable with him on a weekend trip with someone I’m not fond of. I trust him. I really do, but I’m selfish enough to want every part of him to myself.

By the end of our day, Bora promises to see me in a few hours and we lock up the studio. I take an Uber back to Jay’s place where I’d left an overnight bag for tonight. I sleep until Jay gets in, waking me up by laying his whole body on me.

“Come on, man,” I groan failing to push his heavy body off of me.

He laughs, holding his body rigid like he’s planking.

“Get off of me you weigh so much,” I say tiredly. He rolls over, pulling my body into his arms.

“Come on, baby. Get up, I miss you,”

“I was sleeping,” I groan into his chest. If there’s one thing I hate, it’s getting woken up. He knows this. He’s been on the receiving end of my wrath plenty of times, yet he doesn’t care.

“It’s about to be nine,” he says, his arms around me. I sigh, squeezing my eyes shut.

“I had an alarm set,”

“Too bad,” he laughs. “Get up, it takes you at least four hours to do your makeup,”

“Shut up, it doesn’t,” I yawn and stretch out my body against him. “Give me another hour. Just lay here with me,”

His arm drapes across my face. “Ok, baby,”

I fall asleep again while Jay taps away on his phone, he plays sound clips really quietly, holding the phone to his ear. When it’s time to get up again, I shower and get dressed while he spends another hour in bed. I finish my light make up and by the time I’m done, he’s right where I left him looking like a whole model. He’d changed into a silk patterned top, tucked halfway into his dark jeans. His hair is gelled up a little.

He stands when he sees me, a cute wide smile on his face. He pulls me against his chest. He smells clean, like the soap I’ve been using every time I stay over. A hand moves up my leg, sliding beneath my dress and settling on my ass.

“We have to go,” I smile up at him. My arms come up around his neck, drawing him close.

He brushes his knuckles across my jaw while his other hand squeezes at my flesh. He looks at me like he’s ready to call the whole night off. All he has to do is say a single word and the dress would be on the floor.

“You look beautiful baby,” he tells me. His tongue presses to the corner of his mouth, his eyes going to my lips.

I look down at myself. A curve-hugging basic red T-shirt dress that brushes the top on my thighs, and black high heeled boots that just barely meet the hem. I’d thrown a denim jacket over my shoulders to keep from freezing to death. It’s nothing special by far. There’s no point in doing the most when it’s all going to be thrown on my floor later. I’d be lucky if my impatient boyfriend doesn’t end up ripping some part of this outfit tonight. Still, the way he looks at me makes me feel like I’m the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen. And it hits me like a punch to the chest; I’ve seen this look before. When he’d stepped off the plane when he went back home to Seattle all that time ago,  and when he’d picked me up from ICN just three years ago.

I lean up to press my lips against his. His arms flex around my waist, holding me tight against his body. The kiss only lasts a few short seconds, but it’s so sweet I’m not ready to pull away from him yet.

“I’m proud of you,” I tell him. I think I’ve said it a thousand times and yet he just keeps doing more, being better, becoming who he wants to be. I don’t know if I’ll ever be done letting him know. Tonight feels different though. Like we’ve finally arrived where we’ve been meant to be all these years. I’m still right next to him. He’s still rooting for me.

His hands smooth down my dress before he laces his fingers with mine. I reach up to smudge away the red lipstick that’s smudged on the side of his lips. It’s funny how domesticated we’ve become in the last three weeks; easily as if there’s no other way to be.

“Thank you,” he says before pressing his lips against my jaw.

He pulls me through his living room toward the door and I grab my purse on the way out. I follow behind him until we get out front. He moves aside so I can slide in the back of the Uber he’d called for before he slides in beside me. His arm comes around my shoulders.

“Is it bad that I don’t even want to go out anymore?” Jay asks with half a smile, looking at his phone.

I don’t really want to go out either but I think my reasons are completely selfish in comparison to his. He always looks good, but tonight I want to pull him out of that Gucci silk top.

“You can’t work yourself to death,” I tell him, pushing a piece of hair off of his forehead.

“I know, I know. I just,” he trails off for a second, looking out the window of the car. He’s been very introspective lately. I see it on his face. As much as he doesn’t like to let on, I know he’s a little scared. The music industry, especially in the states isn’t guaranteed. He’s willed all of this good stuff to happen on his own, but a record label as big as Roc Nation is a new world. He’s had experiences with a large company before and it almost stopped him in his tracks before he’d had a chance.

“I want to do good,” he says finally.

“I don’t think it’s possible for you not to,” I tell him. “Look at everything you’ve made for yourself, by yourself. You succeed. It’s just what you do,”

“And if I don’t?”

“You’ll still own my heart and this ass,” I joke smiling at him.

He laughs shaking his head at me.

“For whatever it’s worth,” I say seriously. “I’ll be here. I’ve always been here,”

He leans in to kiss me again, his tongue gliding over my bottom lip. It’s making it a little hard for me to be excited about having him out of my bed when he touches me like everything from now on is just a precursor for what’s sure to happen later. I wonder if this is how it always is with everyone else; going through the day just so we can get back to touching each other in the dark away from the world.

When he pulls away I roll my eyes at his mouth. I pull out a makeup remover wipe from my person and wipe his lips before starting to reapply my lipstick.

“Can’t you use like clear or something? I can’t kiss you if you’re wearing that shit,” he pushes his bottom lip out.

“You’re not going to be kissing me at all because you’re going to go have fun with your friends while Bora and I stay on the dance floor,”

As always it’ll be a big deal when Jay shows up tonight. He commands the attention regardless of the occasion. Tonight is all about him, and I want him to have as much fun as he usually does without looking over at me every few seconds.

We pull up to Henz before he can say anything. I see Bora and her boyfriend Jin waiting outside for us. The line wraps around the building as if word got out that Jay would be in tonight. He grabs my hand, pulling me behind him as we exit the car. We greet Bora and Jin as Jay guides us toward the entrance, bypassing the line. I shake myself free of Jay.

“Go have fun,” I tell him.

He shoots me a look just as Bora shoos her own boyfriend away. Everyone has already spotted him, pushing him toward the closed-off section some of his friends are in. I’m sure there are tons of people over there that’ll help him celebrate.

“I’m going to get a drink. We’ll meet up with you guys later,”

“You can get a drink brought to you over there,” he yells over the music.

“I’ll text you,” I tell him, blowing a kiss and leaving toward the bar. Bora’s hand finds mine as we make our way through the crowd.

“You’re the only girl I know that would leave Jay Park in a club full of women,”

“I trust him,” I say dodging out of the way of a girl who’s carrying one too many shots.

“I know it’s not him I’m worried about. There are already girls moving to get their hands on him,”

I look behind me to see that she’s right. People are going crazy as he makes his way toward VIP. From here I can see a few aomg and h1ghermusuc guys welcoming him into the small section. The smile on his face is enough to know that I made the right decision to keep my distance for a little while. It’s been a little time since he’d last came out like this, with his friends just to enjoy the night. I don’t want him catering to me like I know he’d do.

“I guess it’s a good thing I’m the only one that gets to take him home then,” I smile at her while we wait for a spot at the bar.

An hour later and Jay and his friends have commandeered the club just as I expected. They all take turns performing their songs and just generally having a good time. When the DJ makes an announcement, shouting out Jay’s new label deal, the club gets amped up just a little more. I can’t keep the stupid grin off of my own face at my boyfriend’s face. He’s happy. He’s enjoying himself, and it’s all that’s ever mattered to me.

He catches my eye, his head tilting for me to come join him at the center of the attention. I shake my head and wave him off. His lips poke out in the cutest pout but he lets it go. Bora and I linger close to the bar, away from the crowd but close enough to keep eyes on our guys.

“It’s kind of amazing how they kind of just turned this into their show,” Bora notes. She watches as Loco takes the mic and the first notes of a song further hype the crowd.

I nod, tilting my drink back until it’s finished. “It’s a little overwhelming,”

“Get used to it, babe,” she tells me. “The way he looks at you, it’s ridiculous that you guys are only just starting out,”

I laugh and look at her. “How does he look at me?”

She shrugs. “I don’t know like he’s always been in love with you. It’s just weird to see you guys be so domesticated so quickly,”

“He’s been my best friend for years,” I remind her.

“How did you watch all of this; the girls and the parties and not feel,” she trails off.

“Jealous? I don’t know. I just knew he’d always belonged in my life in any way he fit, I made room. And he did the same,”

I think about all the times I had to distance myself from him a little because of someone I was dating and he wordlessly just understood. We adjusted.

“You guys are disgusting,” she laughs. I can’t disagree with her.

Suddenly, Bora slaps my arm. Her eyes follow someone who steps up behind me. I look back. It’s Zino. I inwardly roll my eyes at his dimples smirk. He pushes his hair back out of his face.

“What a nice surprise,” he smiles at Bora and me.

“Nice to see you,” Bora greets.

I manage a smile, thinking about the small fight he’d indirectly caused between Jay and I. It wasn’t his fault. In fact, he hasn’t actually done anything wrong. I can’t hold him accountable for anything. After all, Jay was the one who slept with his girlfriend.

“Let me buy you another drink,” he offers, eyeing my empty glass.

“Oh no, I’m good. Thank you anyway,”

Zino nods stuffing his hands in his pockets. An awkward silence falls over the three of us. He works with Bora more than I, so they should be able to hold a decent conversation.

“I’d like to apologize,” he says suddenly, his eyes on me. “I think I must have offended you the other week,”

“No,” I shake my head. I still haven’t figured out a way to explain that my boyfriend doesn’t like him and wants us to not be associated in any way, which is the reason I’ve decided not to go on the free LA trip he’d offered. “It’s ok. I’m just,”

God this is uncomfortable. “We’re busy,” Bora offers for me. “Y/n forgot we had clients booked for award season during next week,”

He twists his lips, chewing on the corner. I don’t know if he’s buying it. Instead of responding, he orders a beer before turning back to us.

“So business is good?”

I nod. “Yeah, everything is good,”

He tilts his beer at the stage. “Jay’s doing well?”

I don’t know why I feel so protective of Jay. I’m immediately on the defensive when Zino mentions his name.

“Yeah, he’s doing really well. He just signed a deal with Roc Nation,”

“I heard,” he says taking another sip of the beer in his hand. Another awkward silence settles around us.

I clear my throat looking around subtly for an excuse to get out of his space. A sudden push in the crowd forces the three of us closer. Zino’s shoulder presses against me. With Bora on my other side, there’s really nowhere to go.

“So, why are you guys not up there with them,” he asks.

I shrug. “It’s a little crazy up there,”

We all look at the guys jumping around up front. It looks fun and I’m sure it is, but it’s a lot. Zino laughs shaking his head as someone stands on a speaker. He reaches behind me to sit his bottle on the bar, his arm brushes my side slightly.

“What about you Bora,” he leans in to look at her on the other side of me. “No boyfriend tonight?”

She gestures behind her. “Jin’s up there somewhere. Probably completely out of his comfort zone, but he’s somewhere in the mix,”

I feel a hand behind me touch my waist. When I turn around, I’m met with my boyfriend’s hard face.

“Let’s go,” he whispers in my ear.

I frown at him. “That’s fine but we can’t just leave Bora here,”

“He’s making his way through,” he says tugging me further away from Zino.

“It’s ok, Y/n, I see him. Text me in the morning,” she says.

Jay leads me through the crowd. When we make it outside, he silently pulls out his phone to call a car. He puts space between us as we wait.

“What the hell is your problem?” I ask quietly. He hears me though. His grip on my waist tightens slightly. There are people watching, I’m sure. We’re running the risk of pictures of the two of us all over the Internet, something else I wanted to avoid tonight.

“I don’t want to talk about it right now,” he says. His eyebrows pinch into a frown. He looks at his phone, check where our Uber is.

“Jay,” I call him. He says nothing, his lips twisting to the side like he’s trying to hide a scowl.

“For fuck sakes-,”

He kisses me hard, taking the words out of my mouth. His tongue touches mine roughly. His hand snakes up to grip the nape of my neck. The way he kisses me, it shouldn’t be done in public. Yet, we’re here in front of the biggest club in Seoul, kissing like we’re in a bedroom.

When he pulls away, his forehead leans against mine.

“Just stop talking, Y/n,”

Our car pulls up right in front of us. Jay opens the back door for me. I slide in and he follows behind me. The drive feels like it takes forever. He barely looks at me. The tension is palpable. I watch the lights that pass hit his twitching jawline. He supposed to be mad but I’m so turned on I can’t see beyond the hard set of his mouth. I don’t know if it’s the two drinks I had that has my skin buzzing to touch his or the kiss. Either way, my hand slides up his thigh without me actually realizing it. He grips my fingers stopping them from going any further.

When we’re in front of the building, he tips the driver, slides out and waits for me to follow. He grips my hand and pulls me along upstairs.

“You’re mad?” I ask.

“Yeah, I’m fucking mad,”

We step into his place. I reach out to hold on to his shoulder so I can slip my shoes off. He stands still, letting me lean against him. When I’m finally barefoot, I wrap my arms around his neck, tilting my head up.

“Are you jealous?” I ask.

He stays silent, avoiding my gaze. I press my lips against his jaw that’s wound tight. I trail my mouth down his throat. He tugs at my arms. They drop to my side.

“You can’t seriously think that I’m interested in anyone else,” I roll my eyes. When he still doesn’t speak I slide past him.

“You’re fucking ridiculous,”

“He touched you,” Jay says finally. “He touched you and he stared at your body and when he saw that I was watching, he gave me the biggest fucking smile, Y/n,”

“It’s not like I fucked him, Jay,”

“He wants to fuck you though,”

I sigh, rubbing at my temples. This isn’t how I saw my night going. I should be wrapped around him by now, discovering eighty new ways to get him to bite his lip the way he does when he’s feeling extremely good.

“I don’t understand why you’re mad at me, though,”

“You put yourself in that position, Y/n. I told you to come up with me and the next thing I see is him all over you,”

“I’m not even entertaining this conversation,” I say walking away to head toward the shower. His hand on my hip stops me. I look up at him, the thunder in his eyes back.

“I’m selfish, Y/n. I don’t like other people wanting what’s mine,”

I open my mouth to tell him very matter of factly that I don’t belong to him. I’m not a piece of property. His mouth on mine stops any words. He kisses me hard, our teeth knocking together. I sigh against him, reaching up to wrap my arms around his neck. He stops me, gripping both of my wrists in his hands. He walks us backward until my back hits the wall behind me. He pins my wrists against the wall above my head.

“He touched you,” he says against my lips.

His mouth moves down my neck, biting at my skin. His hand tightens around my wrists, holding them above my head. My hips move against his, grinding against the bulge in his pants. His free hand pushes my dress up my thigh, exposing my thin lacy underwear. His fingers pull roughly at the fabric, and I hear the material tear.

“You owe me a pair of underwear,” I moan against his lips that fall on me.

Only illuminated by the light streaming in from outside, he’s like a dream. His light skin reflects yellow light, drawing the dark lines of his tattoos into focus. The only response I get is his fingers tightening around me. He uses his hand to lift my thigh around his waist, pinning my body against the wall with his hips.

“Keep your hands here,” he instructs, his grip loosening on my wrists. I do as I’m told enjoying the fire in his eyes. His gaze doesn’t leave mine as he opens his pants so he can pull himself out. Once he pulls a condom on, he grabs my wrists again. He pulls them down, pushing them against my chest as he plunges into me hard.

He moves against me fast, anchoring me in place with a hand on my hip. My legs wrap around his waist, drawing him closer. When my hips start to move with his, his fingers dig into my skin roughly. It feels too good. He holds me too tightly, fucks me too hard. I don’t last more than a few short minutes, my muscles spasm around him, my legs going slack. He reaches down, grabbing my thighs while he carries me to the couch. He lays me down, his body coming over mine.

“Jay,” I call, reaching up to grab at his slick hair. His mouth comes hard against mine again. Teeth pull at my bottom lip, roughly. He tastes too good to let him pull away. I hold his head against mine, kissing him until I’m gasping for breath.

His hips start to lose their rhythm as he chases after his own orgasm. His face falls into my neck, as he groans against me.

“Fuck, Y/n,”

I pull him tighter against my body, his sweat falling on my own skin. I don’t want to move. I could lay here for the rest of my life with the taste of him in my mouth and his body pressed to mine. He pulls away too quickly, going to the bathroom. I wait for him to come back. When he doesn’t, I sit up, pulling the dress back in place. I hear the shower cut on just as I start to approach.

*He really fucking left me there*

I haven’t been on the receiving end of Jay’s anger before. After being so high, I’m left feeling empty. But I know how he operates. He wants me to go after him, to beg him to talk to me, but I won’t. He’s mad at me because he can’t let this thing with Zino go. Even if I tell him how fucking ridiculous it is for him to feed into a grudge that really makes no difference now, he’ll still think I’m not taking his side.

Loyalty has always been a big thing for him, and I get it. But there comes a point where you have to see beyond what’s right in front of you. I don’t think I have to tell Jay that I don’t want Zino, or that I’m so stupid in love with him that it’s ridiculous. I hurt his pride, at the end of it, but that not for me to deal with.

I take a shower in the bathroom down the hall, ignoring the bruises that are already starting to appear on my skin. When I’m finished getting ready for bed, I slide in beside his still body.

“Did I hurt you?” He asks in the dark.

“No, I liked it,” I whisper.

He says nothing but shifts so that his back is toward me. I roll my eyes in the dark.

“You’re not talking to me now?”

He says nothing.

“God, sometimes, I can’t deal with you,”

I still get nothing.

“You’ve been with tons of women. And I had to see it all Jay. Not once did I hold it against you. All he does is talk to me, and you freak out like I’m some toy of yours he’s playing with without asking first,”

“It’s not the same thing,” Jay says. “We weren’t together,”

“I loved you the same way I do now, so don’t give me that shit. You’re embarrassed because you think he’s going to do to you what you did to him,”

“Don’t say it like that,”

“Fucking grow up, Jay,”

He stays silents which infuriated me even more. I turn, pushing my feet against his ass and kick him.

“Get up. Get up and talk to me,”

“Ow, Y/n, what the fuck,”

I push until he finally sits up. I can’t see his face but I can imagine that if looks could kill I’d been dead ten times over.

“This is how it works. I talk to whoever I want. Out of respect for you, I decided not to directly work with the guy, but I’m not going to ignore someone who is paying my business for service,”

“He’s just trying to get to me, Y/n. He’s not going to leave you alone because he knows how much it’ll kill me if,” he trails off not finishing his sentence. He doesn’t have to.

“You think I’d do that to you? You think I’m not so fucking crazy about you that’ll it makes me sick just thinking about anyone else touching me?”

“Y/n-,”

“I’m going home,” I slide out of the bed, looking for my phone to call an Uber to my apartment. I grab the first pair of pants I see and luckily they’re mine from when I left them here at some point. I slip them on. Ignoring Jay’s hands that grab for me.

“You can’t be mad at me when I’m mad at you,” he says, blocking the doorway.

I ignore him and push past to get my shoes from his living room. I grab my purse and pull it over my shoulder.

“I did nothing wrong, Jay. You don’t get to fuck me and then treat me like I’m part of the problem,” I cross my arms over my chest. We’ve fought more in the last month than we have throughout our whole friendship.

“I won’t keep going in this circle with you about Zino,” I tell him. My phone vibrates letting me know that my car is outside. “So, I’m going to go home. I don’t want you to call me until you figure out your own shit,”

“How did I become the one in trouble?”

“Because you’re acting like a child. Honestly Jay, the silent treatment?”

“What do you want me to say, Y/n? I’m sorry?”

“I want you not to treat me like shit,” I feel my eyes prick. I don’t want to cry in front of him. As upset as I am, I know he’ll feel a thousand times worse if he knows he made me cry. Still, moisture pools in my eyes and drop down my cheeks. I don’t even know why I’m crying. I love him. I love him and I don’t want to fight with him. We get limited time together and here we are arguing at three in the morning.

I turn away from him to wipe my eyes. It’s no use. My shoulders start to shake. I wrap my arms around myself, moving through the apartment to gather the rest of my things.

“Y/n, don’t do that. Come on,” he sees it. His arms come around me as he pulls me against his chest. My face presses against his skin making it impossible for him not to feel my tears smudge against him.

“Shit, please don’t cry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry, ok?” He rubs at my back but it only makes me tear up more. He lifts me off the ground and carries me back to his room. He sits on the edge of his bed and pulls me into his lap. His thumb comes beneath my eyes, wiping away the moisture.

“I’m sorry,” he says again.

“For making me cry or for being a dickhead?” I ask through tears.

He holds my face between his hands, forcing me to look at him.

“Both, Y/n. You don’t know how I feel about you. You’ve always been mine. When someone tries to threaten that,” he sighs, pulling my mouth against his. I don’t know how I always end up here, kissing him like he didn’t just make me upset. He has that thing about him. He can charm his way out of every situation.

“I want to go,” I say pulling away from him. “I don’t want to be here right now,”

His forehead presses against mine, his eyes close tightly. I don’t know why he’s doing this to us. We’re fine, actually more than fine we’re perfect until his head gets in the way.

“Sleep here and I’ll take the other room,” he says.

I don’t trust myself not to seek him out later tonight. I think we’re too used to each other. We need a little space. I stand off his lap and gather up my stuff. I have to call the Uber back because he’s long gone.

“I’m going to go,” I tell him clearing my throat. “I’ll call you,”

“Don’t leave,” he says, his fingers lace with mine pulling me back into his arms. His lips press to my neck. “Don’t leave,” he repeats against my skin.

I’m so weak. I’ve always been so weak for him. He looks at me with those brown eyes like he wants to keep me in this room just to love me for the rest of his life. The way he makes me feel, it’s intoxicating. It’s addicting. And I know his heart. I know he doesn’t mean to make me feel bad. I know he loves me beyond the sun and the moon.

Sometimes I wish I’d didn’t know him as well as I do. I wish I hadn’t gotten the chance to fall in love with every single part of him. It’s making me weak.

“It’s late,” he says. It’s nearly four. Too early in the morning for us to be even having this conversation. He’s right, though. I can’t imagine I’d go to my empty apartment and feel any better.

I look at him, his eyes are tired and a little bloodshot. He bites at his lip while he waits for my answer. His hair is a mess. Still, he’s so pretty my heart aches. I press my hand against the compass tattooed into his skin. My thumb tracing the points.

“I love you,” I whisper.

“I love you too,” he tells me quickly like he’s afraid I’ll go if he hesitates.

“I know,” I tell him. “But do you know that I love you? All of you, even the parts that drive me freaking crazy,”

“I’m sorry, Y/n-,” he goes to apologize again but I interrupt him.

“I don’t think you know. I don’t think you realize how much I love you, Jay,”

“I’m going to do better with you, Y/n. You just have to let me get used to him being around you,”

“It’s work, Jay. He’s just a guy. I shouldn’t have to tell you that I’m on your side,”

His hand spreads out on my thigh. “I know, baby,”

I stand from his lap again and step out of the joggers I’d pulled on. I climb back in bed behind him and reach my hand out for him to join me. I won’t be able to sleep if I know he’s just in the other room. At least that’s how I rationalize it. I ignore the fact that once again I’m sweeping just how hurt I am under the rug and hoping for the best.

Jay grabs my hand and settles beside me, pulling me against his chest. I trace my fingers over the ridges in his back.

“I’m sorry I made you cry,” he says.

“You’re too good for me,”

“Yeah, probably,” I yawn.

He laughs, taking my lips in the dark. He kisses me so thoroughly, that I forget that I’m supposed to be mad at him. I want him again. He’s turned me into a fiend. I suppress the urge to climb on top of him. Instead, I pull away and cuddle deeper into his chest.

He falls asleep quickly after that. He’s never not touching me during the night. His arm stays wrapped around me, or his hands grip my flesh, either way, he keeps me close. I stay up. To go from not having a single issue with someone for years to this. It’s just one thing, I tell myself. It’s just one thing that we have to get over and then we can get back to being us.

With so many pent-up feelings to literally last more than a decade, we’re just now being able to express them. It’s his personality, he’s competitive, he just doesn’t like the guy. I make excuses because the alternative, losing him, isn’t an option.

I shut my eyes finally, curling closer to him. He pulls me against his side tightly. All thoughts of anything other than how good it feels for him to hold me gets forced out. I don’t think about work, Korean rap stars, award shows. It all gets lost in the cadence of his breaths.

[stateofgrace-acoustic]

Taylor and Me

with reputation out and me loving it so much, i keep getting really nostalgic and astonished by how long i’ve been a fan of taylor’s and al the things she has accompanied me through. so i felt like posting a little reflection thing, feel free to ignore totally :D

like a lot of people Love Story was the first song of hers I heard. i was on the bus home with one of my friends and she let me listen to it. i was so young back then, oh my god. (like 12?) i think i found it catchy, but didn’t think much about it afterwards until two people had a presentation on taylor in music class. (we were all supposed to introduce our favorite artists). they played some more songs from fearless, and i can’t recall exactly what my reaction was but i know i wanted the album. i asked the presentation people if i could borrow it, and i remember looking through the booklet thinking how beautiful it was. i think even back then when i was so young i sort of intuitively understood what an amazing songwriter taylor was and how much work and effort she puts into everything she does.

fearless was for me very much an escapism record. i listened to it to enter this realm of magic and fairytales and dancing in the rain that was so far away from my everyday life and issues. i could never really apply her love songs to my life in a direct way, but i still felt like they were relatable for me, in a more abstract way - the feeling that came with them, a sort of freedom and passion, was how i felt in my happiest moments, when i didn’t feel inhibited by fear and doubt as i often did. and her nostalgic and sad moments i could relate to my own nostalgia as well. 

my mom bought me the fanbook for christmas, and that’s when i started being interested in taylor as a person as well., and how she sort of became my role model. i read about her childhood and the way she tried to achieve her dream so hard until she succeeeded. about how she wasn’t afraid to put herself out there, to open herself up completely in her songs. i admired how she put kindness above all else, how in touch she was with her fans, but also how intelligent she was and how all of her decisions in her career were her own, how she didn’t let anyone else take control over what her life or ‘image’ to the public should be. all of those things and values i took to heart and tried to live them in my own life as much as possible. looking back now i couldn’t be happier with my choice of a role model. taylor helped guide me through some years that were difficult, as they are for pretty much every teenager i guess. ‘fearless is living in spite of the things that scare you to death’ was the motto i needed so much in my life, because i was very much defined and trapped by my fears in my teenage years - of social interaction, of taking risks, of failure.. taylor’s music was something i could always turn back to to give me strength.

i remember when speak now was announced, i was excited out of my mind. i wrote the tracklist down onto my computer and kept looking at it. i loved all the released singles so much and listened to them for days on end. i painted 13s onto my hands and danced around the living room. that is one of the main things that comes to my mind when i think of happy teenage memories: this image of me dancing to a taylor swift song. 

speak now was an album that completely blew me away. i loved every single track from the first listen. it is still so incredible to me how she wrote that album completely by herself at 19; how talented she is with lyrics and melodies that completely fit together. i had some fan account back then on twitter and didnt shut up about taylor ever. 

around that time, my parents and i were planning this huge vacation in Calfornia that would turn out to be one of my best - perhaps THE best experience of my teenage years, and we figured out that a the time we wanted to go, the Speak Now tour was in LA. my parents agreed to get tickets because they knew how much it meant to me, and also because they were lowkey fans themselves:D you can’t imagine how happy i was. it was my first concert ever, and the fact that i got to experience it in that huuuge location with so so many other people, it was like a dream. i was pretty far away from the stage at the side, but it was perfect for me - i think the huge crowd would have overwhelmed me. i was completely enthralled by the huge setup, the stage aesthetics, the costume changes, just how big and well planned it all was. i ended up thinking all concerts were like this, but i remember my dad saying that artists usually don’t talk that much during concerts. but taylor told the stories behind her songs, universal experiences that people could relate to, inspirational messages she wanted to get out to her fans. she really cared so much about connecting with all of us. when she was in the love story cage thing flying around the arena she even waved in the direction of our seating area even though we were so far up! 

my favorite song from speak now was always long live, and i had desperately wanted her to play the song for the entire night. i loved all the rest, obviously, but i was telling myself not to be disappointed if it would be cut out. but then, almost at the end, she did play it! you can imagine small!me standing there almost crying quietly singing along in a state of absolute happiness. the memory makes me tear up right now ahhh, it was such an amazing moment. 

then came up the red era, and i remember staying up til super late to watch the announcement of the new album. the thing is...to make it short, red simply came too early for me. i was not ready, and not being able to fully comprehend and appreciate, the emotional maturity and sheer genius of the red album. i did not really like wanegbt at first. when red came out i did listen to it a lot and like it, but like i said, i could not fully appreciate it. hearing the general fandom discussions i feel like a lot of people had a similar experience, because red was such a leap from speak now in terms of the tone of the writing. im also gonna be honest here, i was influenced by the negative portrayal of taylor in the media that kinda reached its first peak back then, and even though i didnt buy into what they said about her because i knew better, it still influenced me like subconsciously, you know? i was also a bit sceptical at her direction towards pop music. so overall, i became a bit distanced from taylor. i felt like i needed to ‘outgrow’ her. a lot of it also had to do with the fact that it was my Edgy Phase where i thought being normal was a bad thing and i wanted to be as Special and Grownup as possible. (i think everyone has that cringeworthy phase sometime in their life but i hate remembering it:D). 

but the thing is, i think i needed that kind of alienation to eventually realize that taylor had grown up just like i had, but that didn’t mean we had to grow apart. by the time 1989 was announced i had actually done a great leap in maturity and had outgrown this thing where you idealize celebrities, and was able to see taylor as a person, with flaws and insecurities like everyone else, and that this didnt diminish her incredible talent of what a kind and wonderful person she is. 

i was not the biggest fan of 1989 itself (multiple reasons; i still liked it though, just didnt love it), but paradoxically, I felt closer to taylor again during the new era than during red. i kinda missed the red era now and regretted that i wasnt more involved when it was there (i still do). but i loved taylor’s new attitude, i was glad she had found happiness in independence and relying on herself. i loved the cat videos and the polaroids and the voice memos that gave insight into the creation of the songs. also, blank space was my jam and still is. since that ive been a huge fan of this super smart move of hers of taking all the things people throw at her and embodying it ironically. iconic!!

so since i was a bit more involved again (though clearly not as much as in my early swiftie days) i wanted to see the 1989 tour, and did! throughout the show i realized how much had changed, but also everything - the important things - that stayed the same (her interactions with the fans, the speeches, etc.) and i had tons of fun. it was like a giant party with strangers - which is obviously a very different feel to speak now, but loved it :D

i was worried that taylor would go into hiatus after 1989 because she always talked about how it was her best work yet, and it broke so many records and won so many awards, that i thought she might be scared she couldnt top it, and taylor always wants to top herself. i ended up being right, though the hiatus was more about all the drama and accusations because people just cant stop being awful. they cant take the idea of a smart talented woman who also shows vulnerability. 

but ive been awaiting a new album all this time, because generally i thought taylor doing pop had so much potential, i just wasnt completely a fan of the general direction of 1989. however....i never would have imagined loving the album as much as i do. i wrote a separate review about it, but basically - i totally love how reputation is big and confident but also super up close, intimate and deep at the same time. it’s darker, but it’s a powerful and sensitive sort of dark at the same time, if that makes sense. i can totally vibe to the general mood of the album because i think i can relate it to how i feel about my life right now a lot. also loving how taylor has truly found a place of happiness and trust after having been let down by ...the world?...so harshly. i love the aesthetic of the magazines and the poems, just everything about this era.

so basically, this album has completely pulled me back again to stanning taylor, and i think it’s kinda beautiful how i’ve come ‘full circle’ and am now back to hyping her music again as i used to :) i connect some of my most life defining and most precious memories with taylor, and i am glad i somehow found back to her and her music as i start off my twenties. 

im looking forward to getting involved in the fandom again so much, and i can’t wait to see what the next year has in store for us all :’)

[getanattitude]

15 Weird Hobbies That'll Make You Better at best keyboard for learning piano

“THE more you dig into a bit of Ives, the greater pleasure you will get from it,” the pianist Jeremy Denk reported just lately, sitting at a piano within a rehearsal space for the Juilliard School. “It’s like fixing a puzzle.”

Then he enthusiastically deconstructed Ives’s “Concord” Sonata, untangling and describing the themes and motifs embedded in the complicated textures of this fascinating rating.

Mr. Denk is about to release a disc, “Jeremy Denk Plays Ives” (Assume Denk Media), featuring two piano sonatas, an esoteric selection of repertory for any debut solo album. But then, there's nothing generic concerning this adventurous musician. His vivacious intellect is manifest both equally in his actively playing and on his site, Consider Denk, an outlet for astute musical observations and witty musings, irrespective of whether a lament about inedible meatballs or even a spoof interview with Sarah Palin.

Mr. Denk will show his far more mainstream credentials when he performs Liszt’s Piano Concerto No. one with Charles Dutoit plus the Philadelphia Orchestra commencing on Thursday for the Kimmel Center in Philadelphia and on Oct. twelve at Carnegie Hall.

Mr. Denk argues that the Ives sonatas, composed early in the twentieth century, are mistakenly categorized as avant-garde performs as an alternative to “epic Passionate sonatas with Lisztian thematic transformations.” To your informal listener, the music that Mr. Denk describes inside the CD booklet as “good, inventive, tender, edgy, wild, primary, witty, haunting” can undoubtedly audio avant-garde. Ives, who built his living in the insurance plan organization, incorporated jazz, riffs on Beethoven and American hymns, marches and folk songs into his daringly experimental piano sonatas, rich in polytonality, thematic layering and rhythmic complexity.

“It’s so beautifully in-your-experience,” Mr. Denk reported, demonstrating a particularly maniacal passage in the “Concord” Sonata. “It’s also fairly incredibly unsightly. There is something maddening about his humorousness. Ives is constantly thumbing his nose at you in a means.”

But Mr. Denk suggests that Ives’s tenderness, which he illuminates beautifully in this recording, is underappreciated. “Ives is often about points recalled,” he reported, “or Recollections or visions fetched from some complicated spot.”

He performed the harmonically misty passages in the second movement from the “Concord,” wherever Ives directs that a piece of wood be pressed over the upper keys to generate a cluster chord. “It doesn’t experience gimmicky in the least to me,” Mr. Denk stated. “It’s all blues in the bottom. Ives realized the best way to use People little clichéd bits of Americana in a method that all of a sudden receives your gut. It is possible to’t consider how touching it really is.”

Mr. Denk, forty, continues to be keen about Ives due to the fact his undergraduate days at Oberlin in Ohio, wherever he carried a double important in piano overall performance and chemistry. “My total double diploma knowledge was to some degree of the constant freakout of one style of An additional,” he explained.

He had been a “genuinely nerdy high school university student” with a constrained social existence, he stated. “Ever considering that I used to be A child I desired to check out Oberlin and desired the liberal arts. Definitely I really get intense satisfaction out of drawing connections involving pieces and poems and literature and ideas.”

Mr. Denk explained himself for a “practice maniac,” but his horizons have extended much outside of the exercise place because Oberlin. Although nibbling an unlimited piece of chocolate cream pie at an Upper West Facet diner near the condominium he has rented given that around 1999, Mr. Denk referred to his website, calling it “an surprisingly superior outlet to launch tensions of 1 sort or An additional.” He stated it had drawn new listeners to his concert events. An avid reader of liberal political weblogs, Mr. Denk goals of writing a classical audio Variation of Wonkette, he said, but that would be difficult to do without the need of offending men and women. And he attempts to stay clear of offending individuals, he added, however he did not too long ago post a rant about method notes.

Mr. Denk, who calls himself “a true Francophile,” is tender-spoken but rigorous, his dialogue peppered with references to numerous “obsessions”: espresso, Ives, Bach, Proust, Baudelaire and Emerson.

He went off on “a Balzac mania” a few years back, he stated.

“That was a perilous time, and almost everything in life appeared drawn from a Balzac novel,” he additional. “I shed about three decades of my life to Proust. I’m confident it changed almost everything, which includes my enjoying.

“In the future my manager was like, ‘Dude, You need to center on your career and acquiring your stuff collectively.’ ” At that time, Mr. Denk said, “I had been bringing Proust to meetings.” He added: “I’m not sure I actually experienced a profession route. I had been just doing my weird thing, which most likely appeared like a disastrous nonroute to a lot of the folks who ended up watching more than me. I don't forget some exasperated conferences with my administration, However they had been extremely patient and devoted, which I’m insanely grateful for.”

Mr. Denk grew up in Las Cruces, N.M., considered one of two brothers, a son of songs-loving nonmusician mothers and fathers. His father, who may have a doctorate in chemistry, is (at different instances) a Roman Catholic monk plus a director of Personal computer science at New Mexico State College.

Mr. Denk remains addicted to the chili peppers of Las Cruces, he stated, seemingly only fifty percent joking: “The red along with the eco-friendly and The full spirituality of chili peppers. It’s even now a big A part of my everyday living. Once i go house I visit this serious dive and obsess more than their green meat burrito.”

When not on tour, Mr. Denk spends time together with his boyfriend, Patrick Posey, a saxophonist as well as director of orchestral functions and scheduling at Juilliard, where Mr. Denk received his doctorate, studying with Herbert Stessin. Mr. Stessin remembers having been amazed by “the maturity and depth” of Mr. Denk’s actively playing and remembers him as “a unprecedented scholar who absorbed items pretty rapidly.”

Mr. Denk said he “was in school eternally” until eventually “in some unspecified time in the future I made a decision to rely on my very own instincts.” Now he teaches double-diploma undergraduates with the Bard School Conservatory of New music. The pianist Allegra Chapman, who examined with him, said he was “concerned with a great deal greater than the notes to the webpage, always bringing up literary and historical references.”

“Now I attempt to method tunes in a additional holistic point of view,” she included. “He is very passionate. He accustomed to leap throughout the room and bounce about and wave his arms. It was genuinely pleasurable. He attempted to get me to think about the new music with a sense of humor.”

This combination of passion, humor and intellect, so vivid in both equally Mr. Denk’s taking part in and his composing, is exactly what distinguishes him, based on the violinist Joshua Bell. The 2 are actually regular duo associates considering the fact that 2004, when they performed at the Spoleto Festival United states.

“You get the intellectual musicians or people that don their heart on their own sleeve with no wide range of musical assumed,” Mr. Bell explained, “but Jeremy manages to accomplish both equally, and that’s best. Now we have an abundance of arguments in rehearsal, that's the pleasurable portion in addition. The fact we don’t usually see eye to eye retains factors refreshing and would make me issue anything I do.”

Mr. Bell, whose choices of repertory tend to be far more regular than Individuals of his much more adventurous colleague, reported he wasn’t normally an Ives supporter: “That has a good deal of recent audio I’m somewhat cautious. Despite Ives, right until I read Jeremy. He just provides it alive. He has these kinds of an awesome imagination, and nothing at all is done randomly.”

Ives’s piano sonatas, Mr. Denk explained, “are in a way like animals that don’t want to be tamed.”

“Just about every functionality should be so various,” he additional, a single explanation he was originally hesitant to report them. Like Bach, he reported, Ives leaves quite a bit towards the performer’s creativity.

A wonderful interpretation of your “Goldberg” Variations at Symphony House in 2008 uncovered Mr. Denk’s profound affinity with Bach. Mr. Denk will complete the perform and Guides one and a pair of of Ligeti’s Études at Zankel Corridor on Feb. sixteen.

To maintain the “Goldberg” Variants fresh new, Mr. Denk is incorporating new fingerings, he reported, “to reactivate the relationship in between my brain and my fingers when I’m playing it.”

“I think it’s an actual magical area When you've got the muscle memory,” he additional, “though the Mind is in advance in the fingers.”

Altering the fingerings is one method to stay clear of routine, he reported. “I get real enjoyment outside of crafting in an extremely excellent fingering. It's like relearning the piece, and it makes you not just take any Observe without any consideration.”

The musical philosophy Mr. Denk relates to Bach, Ives together with other repertory is probably most effective summed up in that site put up on application notes: “I’ve never ever been an enormous admirer on the ‘Think about how revolutionary this piece was when it was prepared’ faculty of inspiration. For my dollars, it ought to be groundbreaking now. (And it is actually.) Whichever else the composer may have intended, he / she didn’t want you to Feel, ‘Boy, that should are already interesting again then.’ The most basic compositional intent, absolutely the ur-intent, is you Enjoy it now, you help it become happen now.”

[chimcharstar]

I ASK EVERYTHING FROM ANGEL TO WOBBLY

COMING RIGHT UP

♡ cute asks ♡

angel; do you have a nickname?

G!

awe; how old are you?

21

baby; favorite color?

purple

bloop; spirit animal?

i know what youre trying to do bug

blossom; favorite book/movie/song?

my favourite movie today is always be my maybe. do yourself a favor and watch keanu reeves act his heart out

blush; what was your stuffed animal as a child?

lucky, a little white tiger. i still have her.

breeze; most precious childhood memory?

maybe my mom making me tea or something. ow ow nostalgia

bright; mermaids or fairies?

fairies

bubbles; do you have a best friend?

YEAH

buttercup; showers or baths?

showers

butterfly; dream destination?

maybe ... the countryside, but one i havent been to before?

buttons; are you religious or spiritual?

yes, very. while feeling at war with it all the time cause of the gay angst. but lbr. i prayed for some coffee and i got some. i also pray when some real shit is happening. its just my nature. i have a very strong intuition when im not panicking. TOO BAD MY PARENTS DISHED OUT TONS OF SPIRITUAL ABUSE I CANT REALLY HEAL FROM

calm; favorite scent?

this candle that has vanilla in it. i like the smell of vanilla because it smells sweet and im like. !!!! kindness!!!

candlelight; what did you dream about last night?

i dreamed my siblings were all bickering and blaming each other endlessly and saying cruel things, and i was trying to tell them to stop but my voice was hoarse and no one could hear me. the voice part makes more sense when you consider i lost my voice talking lots at the Job and ive been Way too worried about it and its also a Passing thing

charming; have you ever been in love?

yes... overrated

cozy; eye/hair color?

red hair green eyes

cuddly; what’s your favorite time period?

the afternoon when i can take a walk with some coffee and music or, faceplant on my bed and fall asleep on the spot and then wake up feeling very well napped

cupcake; favorite flower/plant?

i really like bonsais. or ... whatever type of bonsai i keep buying. they grow fast so you can notice their progress, they can survive bad mental health weeks, and you can shape them, they kind of grow with you

cute; what did you get on your last birthday?

i .... forget a lot. i forget these kinds of things. i hope it doesnt mean it didnt matter to me. i remember being really lonely on my last birthday and pretending not to be and then crying to my diary that no one is allowed to read

cutie pie; most precious item you own?

any bonsai, any jacket, thats my soul. or my phone lol

cutsie; what makes you happy?

people saying small nice things

daisies; describe a moment when you felt free.

just the other day when i was starting to play stardew valley again and i had some tea i think... 

daydream; how do you want to be remembered?

i want to have been Known as more than just shy and polite

daylight; favorite album of all time?

idk of all time, but say you will by fleetwood mac FUCKS, i will destroy my ears on public transit with that

dear; zodiac sign?

sagittarius

delightful; concerts or museums?

?????? N/A unfortunately

dimples; have you ever written a letter?

yes, i have written all sorts of letters, not snail mail but yknow... that is my jam. i have used it for good and evil

dobby; dream job?

writer of , books or screenplays or something

doll; how do you like to dress?

behold my array of gay jackets. hoods... gay layers... with some flowers. i have some shit with flowers on it. an old man complimented me on a train once. because im amazing

dovey; any paranormal/magical experiences?

my roommates say theres a ghost dude downstairs but ive never seen him. not really actually.

dreams; do you want or have any tattoos?

no, and ive thought about a tattoo but im like... i cant imagine picking a decoration and then being satisfied with it for the rest of my life, and being so... open like that, i change my mind and worry too much...

drizzle; do you believe in aliens?

yes bitch. theres water on mars im sitting here patiently

euphoric; talk about someone you love.

the demigirl reading this

fairy; do you have a pet?

no :(

fluffy; ocean or mountain?

mountain... no ocean.. im feeling ocean

forever; where do you feel time stop?

i havent felt like that in a looong time. maybe this one place with streams, when its raining really heavily and everythings Gushing

froglet; are you a good plant owner?

i have kept... 5 bonsais alive for a while.

garden; how many languages do you know?

one. with some rocky french that makes me ACTUALLY want to learn french, and then frustratingly be on the brink of speaking french

gem; who are your favorite tumblrs?

i cant find the name right now but they make this pixel art and put sentences that are kinda so gentle and pining... i love it

giggles; what is your aesthetic of choice?

homemade coffee in a messy kitchen with some sun coming in, youre kind of sleepy

glittery; do you like anons? why/why not?

yes!!! i wanna talk!!!!!

glow; list the top 5 things you like about yourself

ok... i know how to be Respectful, im a strong person, im good with self-expression, i like my voice... AND IM CUTE

heart; silk or lace?

silk

honey; coffee or tea? how do you take it?

coffee, so much sugar and a bit of scream.

hugsy; do you enjoy people watching or bird watching more? why?

BIRD WATCHING. because watching people can get awkward real fast, and birds dont give a fuck. birds are fat little boys jumpin around. they dont worry about their jobs. i respect that. 

hunnybunch; what sounds help you sleep?

Harmonious People Noises. i dont actually listen to sounds going to sleep when maybe i should. because of how i grew up im fine listening to music or people playing instruments falling asleep, even with the light on

jewel; what’s your favorite kind of weather?

that part of autumn where its colourful and not too cold not too hot, and sun everywhere

jiggly; what do you usually like to do on weekends?

i do stuff like take walks and do a few errands and water plants... and just chill and enjoy not having pressing stuff to do. 

joy; do you laugh loudly or giggle more?

i am a serious giggler but i recently got a booming laugh, or it sounds like that to me

kinky; do you blush easily?

no. apparently not. but sometimes i feel my face heat up and then im really, really counting on it that that doesnt mean im blushing because its at the worst possible times to blush

kisses; what romantic cliché do you wish for most?

SOULMATE... SOMEONE I DONT HAVE TO SAY GOODBYE TO...

kitty; what’s your favorite time of the day?

i feel like i already answered this but ill pick a different time. evening is nice because im a night owl and i focus better and i can relax and do whatever

ladybug; what’s your favorite artist to listen to when you’re sad?

fleetwood mac and bLAST it on public transit

love; what is your favorite season and why?

autumn, because pretty, haloween

lovey; what is your favorite flavor of macaron and ice cream?

i dont know about macaron but that cookie dough ice cream is some good

magic; what are five flaws you have?

overthinking, clinging to comfort zone, procrastinating, isolating, either i dont stand up for myself or i do it too harshly

moonlight; do you prefer soft pastels, warm neutrals, or cool darks?

they all sound so lovely im feeling warm neutrals rn

munchkin; what do you look for in your significant other?

emotional labour, similar energy level

paddywack; how would you describe a perfect date?

I JUST WANT TO SPEND TIME WITH SOMEONE and there has to be food

pebbles; how do you spend free time by yourself?

doing THIS... all my free time... is basically by myself

precious; what is something valuable that you learned in your life?

you dont have to be useful to be valuable. you deserve love just because you exist, and even if you feel strongly that everything sucks, that could be your comfort zone talking. im having a mental health week

pretty; do you like to cook or bake more?

cook. id bake but then i eat stuff that doesnt make my stomach as happy

prince; how would you describe your handwriting?

oh its GORGEOUS. i have been practising my handwriting in my Diary for Months.

princess; do you play any instruments? if not, are there any you wish you could play?

yes, piano mostly... ive been feeling Urges to play guitar lately that have surprised me

prinky; how do you relieve stress?

doing something restful/mentally restoring like taking a break or talking calming things to myself

pumpkin; what is your favourite kind of fruit/vegetable?

LOVE THAT ZUCCHINI...F RY THAT BITCH WITH GARLIC AND ONION...

rainbow; what was the last line of the last book you read?

i have not read a book

roses; what is the most significant event in your life so far?

realizing im trans

smile; what is one thing that has greatly affected you?

ill think of a nice one, moving away from my parents, theres been so much healing

shine; art or music?

MUSIC

shimmer; do animals tend to like you?

yes

smitten; do you collect anything?

bonsais?? 

smoochies; how many pillows do you sleep with?

one

snuggle; what is your favourite candy?

chocolate, any,

snuggly; do you have a camera? if so, what kind?

phone camera, ithas all these cool filters and things it can do, it says my plants are food

sparkle; do you wear jewelry?

occasionally. its mostly the black tourmaline bracelet

spooky; sunrise or sunset?

sunset, that is the beautifulest

sprinkles; do you like to listen to music with headphones or no headphones?

with headphones. i just ... maybe this is a growing up thing but i cant imagine Taking Up Space playing my music out loud... then other people can judge my music choice... theyd Know things about me... 

starlight; what was your favourite show as a child?

save ums. i have this answer ready to go. that is because after five i stopped having a tv

soft; describe your favourite spot in your house.

my rooooooommmmmmmmmm my BED

soothe; digital or vinyl?

digital? what is this about?

squeezed; who do you miss right now?

my sister. she always says i never hang out but ... she doesnt seem interested in things i actually like... she tries and she cares but...

sugary; what traits do you value most in friends?

loyal, honest

sunshine; do you prefer for things to be practical or aesthetically pleasing?

practical, i just cant focus on aesthetic because then i get way too picky with eeeverything

sweet; do you find it easy to open up?

NO, unless i am on tumblr where there are no Laws. or it depends on how easy the person is to talk to.

sweetie; do you like kids? if so, do you ever want to have any?

yes, yes but NOT RIGHT NOW, i think kids are really Good, theyre simple and honest

thimble; is there somebody you look up to? who are they?

i look up to the Bosses at my work, i mean they seem like they try really hard and do a good job and they have to lead everyone else too i respect that

toot; what is something you find unique about yourself?

the emotional intelligence dial. it is maybe too far. but im realizing that isnt so common.

tootsie; what kind of friend are you?

i hope, at least the kind i would want. probably very energetic, with negative or positive stuff

treasure; what was something that made you smile today?

another person at work called me by my last name. i find this funny because 1) it sounds funny to just shout 2) why are they all so fascinated with it .... yknow its because they wanted it to see if it was ramsay. did they seriously think. bunch of cooking nerds. is this their new power move.

velvet; are you an early bird or a night owl?

niGHT OWL

whiffle; if you could have a magical power, what would it be?

shapeshifting

whimsical; do you prefer doing stuff at home or going out?

home, but i would enjoy going out with the right people i think. which has never happened.

whiskers; do you usually wear makeup?

no

wiggly; are you a messy or tidy person?

tidy

wispy; do you like the place where you grew up? do you think you will live there when you get older?

yes, and no. my heart is set on being Out in the Nature though. i dont know if i can really really go back to where i grew up. theres so many complicated and painful feelings around it, and im not really welcome. 3

wobbly; have you ever wished upon a star?

yes, i wish on all kinds of stuff all the time

[justintimbershit]

1-99

1: 6 of the songs you listen to most?XO - John Mayer Cabaret - Justin Timberlake Lights On - Shawn Mendes Bad Habit - The KooksHow Would You Feel - Ed Sheeran You’re Gonna Llive Forever in Me - John Mayer

2: If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?literally John Mayer so I can ask him why the FUCK he played XO in Chicago and why that was only the 10th time ever and first and only time of TSFE tour he played it

3: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.“Mom’s stumped us. We had absolutely no idea who she’d dredge” (I’ll Give You the Sun by Jandy Nelson)

4: What do you think about most?how terrible life is and then how much i wanna die tbh

5: What does your latest text message from someone else say?“Jena should i get dropped off at your house then we can go get joe & julie?” IOWA TOMORROW FOR ED :DDDD

6: Do you sleep with or without clothes on?always w shirt but no pants lol

7: What’s your strangest talent?hating life as much as i do idk i have no talent

8: Girls… (finish the sentence); Boys… (finish the sentence)girls r hot n nice boys r hot n mean

9: Ever had a poem or song written about you?yeah bc we were in love lol :(

10: When is the last time you played the air guitar? idk i usually dont

11: Do you have any strange phobias?feet, being alone but also being in large crowds, idk theyre not very weird

12: Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?no?

13: What’s your religion?idk man none atm prob

14: If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?looking forward to going inside. but working and therefore reading.

15: Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?behind bc i am ugly lol

16: Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?um probably panic at the disco but then also the killers

17: What was the last lie you told?“its fine” bc no it is not fine i wanna fight

18: Do you believe in karma?ya i think so. maybe

19: What does your URL mean?i like Justin Timberlake and also swearing

20: What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?weakness is probably just who i am as a person and strength is idk i dont have any

21: Who is your celebrity crush?lmao. you say this like i have one. i have many. like thousands.

22: Have you ever gone skinny dipping?nope

23: How do you vent your anger?talk to someone usually

24: Do you have a collection of anything?movie/concert/sporting event tickets and also empty gatorade bottles on my floor

25: Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?phone bc im ugly

26: Are you happy with the person you’ve become?eh. better than what i was but could be better

27: What’s a sound you hate; sound you love?hate is my sisters voice lol love is john mayers voice bc he sounds like a fuckin angel

28: What’s your biggest “what if”?what if i was someone else but not really someone else just like what if i was me with a better life or a differnt life in which things didnt always go so terribly for me ya know

29: Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?ghosts maybe but aliens def

30: Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.right arm some paper hanging off my nightstand and left nothing

31: Smell the air. What do you smell?the faint scent of clean laundry and lotion

32: What’s the worst place you have ever been to?hm.. great question. i feel like ive been to some pretty bad places but i cant recall any???

33: Choose: East Coast or West Coast?ive never been to either but east coast i think

34: Most attractive singer of your opposite gender?justin timberlake bc hes one of the most attractive men in the entire world

35: To you, what is the meaning of life?bein happy, doin what you want, livin

36: Define Art.something someone creates

37: Do you believe in luck?yes i do

38: What’s the weather like right now?humid i think

39: What time is it?9:41 pm

40: Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?nope to both

41: What was the last book you read?i recently finished “The Upside of Unrequited” and now im workin on “More Than This”

42: Do you like the smell of gasoline?no i hate it it makes me nauseous

43: Do you have any nicknames?jules

44: What was the last film you saw?o fuck um fist fight maybe?

45: What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?the sunburn i got in florida was terrible bc i couldnt walk for a day so im gonnna say that

46: Have you ever caught a butterfly?no :(

47: Do you have any obsessions right now?brandon saad being a chicago blackhawk again, tommy la stella, john mayer, reading gay books

48: What’s your sexual orientation?bi

49: Ever had a rumour spread about you?uuuuum possibly ??? idk

50: Do you believe in magic?nah but also maybe

51: Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?in my mind yes but most of the times my actions dont reflect that especially if its been a while

52: What is your astrological sign?sagittarius

53: Do you save money or spend it?both. i allow myself to spend it as long as i still have a decent amount saved

54: What’s the last thing you purchased?lunch at panera lol

55: Love or lust?neither bc they both suck when ur alone

56: In a relationship?no lol

57: How many relationships have you had?zero

58: Can you touch your nose with your tongue?nope i am not talented like that

59: Where were you yesterday?yesterday. i think i stayed home all day then me mary and joe hung out and went to get milkshakes at steak n shake

60: Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?the inside of the bra bra sitting waiting to be put away lol

61: Are you wearing socks right now?indeed

62: What’s your favourite animal?sloths my fav

63: What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?i dont have one bc if i did ppl would like me, tf

64: Where is your best friend?at home id assume

65: Give me your top 5 favourite blogs on Tumblr.whats tumblr

66: What is your heritage?im italian but i was born here and so were my parents

67: What were you doing last night at 12AM?watching an episode of Its Always Sunny in Philadelphia before i showered

68: What do you think is Satan’s last name?satan satan

69: Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off?yeah lmao who hasnt tho

70: Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?i think so sometimes but other times im the worst person ever idk how i have friends

71: You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?fuck u boss i love dogs and if u hate dogs that much as to not understand the situation i dont wanna work for a dog hater. asshole.

72: You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?a. maybe probably b. everything ive never done but wanted to c. probably

73: You can only have one of these things; trust or love.fuck. um. shit. id say love but then u cant trust the person you love so like… but at the same time i love love so much i feel like id die w/o it n ya know i dont trust anyone anyways so im gonna say love

74: What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?srsly…..Bye Bye Bye by *NSYNC bc i cant be sad listening to that song lolol

75: What are the last four digits in your cell phone number?9077

76: In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?communication n openness

77: How can I win your heart?just be nice to me lol i have low standards

78: Can insanity bring on more creativity?yes i do believe so

79: What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?buying tickets to see john mayer lol that changed my life so drastically. my life is now pre john mayer and post john mayer. he literally fucking sang xo i will never get over it that will always be the happiest moment of my life im crying while typing this

80: What size shoes do you wear?8 - 9 ½ depending on the shoe

81: What would you want to be written on your tombstone?‘probably died because she said she wanted to die so often that death got sick of hearing it and killed her.“

82: What is your favourite word?fuck

83: Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart.justin timberlake. god im so fucked lol

84: What is a saying you say a lot?'i hate my life’ 'i want to die’ 'u should fight’

85: What’s the last song you listened to?Fools Gold by One Direction lmao

86: Basic question; what’s your favourite colour/colours?turquoise

87: What is your current desktop picture?justin timberlake leaning on a car lookin all hot n shit

88: If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be?myself tbh

89: What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on?uuuum idk it depends whos askin ya know. id answer certain questions if asked by one peson but not another

90: One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do?probably cry and attempt but ultimately fail to go back to sleep

91: You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power?flying or teleportation

92: You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?when john mayer played XO at my concert obviously

93: You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?losing all the pictures on my computer bc i keep saying im over it but im really not that was the entire past 4 years of my life in pictures and videos and theyre just gone its bullshit

94: You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?oh man. so many. but if i had to choose one justin timberlake. wow bet no one saw that comin

95: You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?literally fuckin no where im seeing ed sheeran in a matter of hours im not leaving. but if it were a different day lol id say amsterdam or boston

96: Do you have any relatives in jail?not that im aware of

97: Have you ever thrown up in the car?when i was a smol child yea h but not recently

98: Ever been on a plane?when i was a child yes

99: If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say?um lol idk probably nothing tbh i dont wanna be held responsible for whatever happens afterwards

[boo1a4]

11 questions! 😊

I was tagged by @s-lay-ing to do this tag which is very similar to one ive done before but its one of those cool ones thats different everytime you do it! So basically you answer 11 questions then give 11 to be answered! Thanks so much for tagging me Claudia, you the realest like wow. 🙃💜

Tagging some lovely binches: @min-yoongini, @maybehao @bubkwan @insecure-trash-bag @kae-popx @yeol-mints and whoever else wants to do it! No pressure, just do it if you feel like it! 💜

1. Would you travel alone around your country? 

I think I would, I think I would enjoy myself. Having time to myself like that is one of my favorite things. I love getting lost in my own thoughts, traveling alone seems like it would be a good opportunity to do so. On the other hand maybe its not the best idea to get lost in your thoughts while traveling alone cause you know stranger danger and all 😅

2. You save the enough money to buy sth you’ve really really wanted for a long time (something small) but just when you were about to spend it you found out your fave group set a date to perform in your country and the ticket costs the same as that thing you wanted to buy…which one would you choose to buy?(Asking 'cause a couple of years ago I was TWO SECONDS away from buying a black widow costume until a band confirmed they were coming so yeah…I bought the concert ticket 😂💔) 

Without a doubt I would buy the ticket, bands I like don't come to Minnesota very often. For example I recently bought tickets to see my favorite band in May, I saw they were coming here and without any hesitation I was like yep I gotta go! You can always save up money for material things but life experiences are harder to come by!

3. Are you a good at cooking? 

Yes, thats what I do for a living! Ive pretty much been cooking since I could walk! 👩🏻‍🍳

4. In a zombie apocalypse, would you be a) someone who follows the rest b) someone who takes the lead c) a mix of both? 

To be honest Im the type who likes to think/act like they are a leader but really my leadership skills are severely lacking hahaha. So when things would get tough Id just be like nah you guys got this Ill be over here lmk if y'all need anything ty ty. 🤣

5. If shit blew on earth which one of the following would you chose to save yourself? A ship/submarine like the one from the movie 2012 or the space ship from wall-e? 

The space ship for sure. Deep sea is actually the scariest thing to me, just thinking about whats down in the ocean gives me the shivers. 🤢

6. Is there an online shop you would absolutely recommend? 

I recently bought a kpop phone case from this lovely Etsy shop https://www.etsy.com/shop/shopTwazy.  She does the most beautiful custom and pre-made phone cases and key chains! she's also so kind and helpful! Check her out! 

7. Name an underrated song you could swear it’s so good yet it’s highly ignored

As for a kpop song not sure if its really that underrated but Shinees 1of1 the mv doesn't even have 10 mil views why y'all sleeping on shinee these days? That song is the literal best bop also taemins dancing 🙌🏼

As far as just music in general ANYTHING BY THE SHINS (the group I’m seeing in may) They had like one popularish song in the early 2000s but they are so under appreciated these days its not even funny, I get it though they aren't everyones cup of tea but James Mercers voice is like pure molten honey. (September - The Shins)

8. You’re invited to three different parties made by the top 3 entertainment companies (sm, yg and jyp) where the only songs you’ll hear during the whole night are the songs made by their own artists, which party would you attend? 

That is actually so difficult for me. First of jyp is automatically out of the picture, I really only listen to got7 as far as their groups go. But like Big Bang is one of my faves, but then there is Shinee which hurts me physically, and like winner is one of my favorite groups musically, but like Exo. GIRL GROUPS don't make me chose between Blackpink and Red Velvet MY QUEENS! If the groups are performing at said party that changes everything, if that was the case hands down SM. I love Big Bang/winner but the don't have the moves like Shinee/exo.

9. Your bias pulls a performance like this one and he brings you on stage…what would your reaction be? 

First of all no, don't link me to shit like this. Its 4:30 in the morning here I don't need this!! Why?? Who do you think you are?? Kibum does things to me!!!! jk tysm ily 💜 Tbh I probably be a bit like wtf 🙃 then Id be like “ GET YOUR ISHH BOO BOOO” “DO YOUR THANG HUNNY!” Also Id dance along because Im never one to turn down a chance to look like a dumbass.

10. Do you have a pic with someone famous? 

Not that I can think of! I've got plenty of pictures with my sister @min-yoongini tho, she's pretty cool! (gofollowher!)

11. If you were granted the possibility to take one group on a seven day vacation/break/time off schedule with the condition that it has to be broadcasted as a variety show later on…would you accept? If the answer is yess: which group would you take and what would you do w/ them? (Travel overseas, a city tour, a ski resort, a car trip, stay in the city etc)

I feel like my obvious answer here is seventeen, but Im gonna go with blackpink because they all seem so chill and nice! I dunno where we would go but some where with lots of history or something! Also no language barrier, so thats nice! Also girls are awesome so yeah all girl trip hell yeah!

My questions

1. If you had to choose between listening to music or watching any kind of video (tv, movie,mv) which would you choose if you had to give one up? (the most evil question 😈)

2. Do have any favorite sayings/lines/lyrics and why are they your favorites?

3. Do you collect any kpop related stuff? Merch/Photocards/Albums/ect? and what groups?

4. What are your top 3 favorite and least favorite food?

5. If you were given 1000 dollars to spend on whatever you like no catches what would you spend it on?

6. What hobbies do you have outside of kpop?

7. Do you have any piercings or tattoos? if so where and of what?

8.  What is your favorite beverage beside water/coffee/tea/pop?

9. Where is the coolest places you ever been? Tell me about it!

10. What group/s is/are your bias group/s? Why?

11. Name a less popular group that you like that you think doesn't get the recognition they deserve! hype them up!! (coughcoughmonstaxcoughcough)

[sosjimin]

To the ones attending Wings Tour Concert, here are some tips/tricks/advice

I asked you guys this morning regarding going to concerts, especially going to the pit+bangtan concert and i got some really nice asks/replies of you guys, mostly advice on what to take for the actual concert, eat/drinking before the concert, how to dress (comfy clothes always) and also some really cool concert stories from some of you, so i hope this is somewhat helpful for you and also informative! Thanks a lot for everyone that helped! And btw, i’m going to Wings Tour in Brazil, March 20.

@kaep--jjang said: I went to trb ep II in 2015 and jimin ruined my life #adviceforbtsconcert careful if he stares at you and smiles back at you (i cant tell the full story cause character limit 😭 )

LMFAO, i’m pretty sure that if he startes at me i’ll melt and i won’t be able to focus on the actual thing, and if he smiles at me it’s 100% sure i’ll pass out, but i’d love to hear the story feel free to tell me whenever u want to <3

@thekookiest said: bianca: tenta usar roupas comfortáveis, dependendo do setor que você estiver, você vai querer ficar à vontade. se hidrate: água, frutas, barra de cereais ajudam muito nessa hora, mas tenta consumir tudo na fila já que você não vai poder entrar com comida no citibank. procura também fazer amizades com armys por lá também, isso diminui a tensão. caso for levar cartazes: não levante muitas vezes pra não atrapalhar a visão de outras pessoas. e o mais importante: divirta-se!! <33

muito obrigada por tudo! eu to indo na pista normal (pretendo arranjar um esquema e ir ate a premium lmao) mas obrigada por todas as dicas, vou procurar consumir tudo antes de entrar, e levar bastante agua, com relação as amizades eu ja vou estar indo com umas amigas pro show, mas chegando la é bem provavel que eu faça mais umas amigas ahahaha, e com relação a cartazes é provavel que eu va participar de algum projeto então talvez eu leve um cartaz sim, mas vou procurar atrapalhar o minimo a galera, vou levar camera tambem a t4f liberou semi profissional pro show, então é uma preocupação a mais mas ao mesmo tempo vou tirar umas fotos legais, obrigada novamente, vou me divertir muito!! <33

@ungiis : your gonna have so much fun love

thanks a lot love <3

@sonamjoon : it’d be too long to send it in the askbox so i thought i’d reblog it and write it herefirst of all, have fun!! don’t let small details turn this wonderful experience into a bad one. idk if you’ve had concerts experience before but what you can do in general is to prepare yourself to be pushed, accidentally hit and just be ready to be standing up for a really long time. also don’t forget to bring some water and minimum stuff as possible, a small bag that can be fixed onto your hips is the best...

thanks a lot!! i’ll have a blast <3 oh yes, i’ll be far from home on the concert day so i’ll bring food, a small bag, my camera (which is allowed, thank god, semi professional tho) and lots of water!!! and i’m going already prepared, knowing that, since i’ll be in the pit, i’ll be pushed and hit, and i’ll wear comfy shoes so this doesn’t become a hurtful experience considering the time i’ll spend standing, so thank you again for the tips <3

@stilinskibilinski : try not to take too many videos and just enjoy the show! oh and don't drink too much water/liquid lol, have fun!

oh, cameras are allowed, but i’ll try to enjoy it a lot (my concert motto tbh, don’t take too many pics and enjoy it the best way possible) instead of only taking pics/videos, lmfao i’ll try to not drink too much water (alth othe weather here is hot) and i’ll have loads of fun, thank you <3

@youngforevers : wear comfortable shoes!!

ohhh that’s an important one, considering i’ll be in the pit the entire concert, i’ll make sure to wear comfy shoes, thanks a lot!! <3

@wang-j : ive only ever been to one concert in my life but i made the rookie mistake of not eating/drinking before i went and i had to be pulled out of the pit by the guards bc i passed out lmaoooo. Just remember to have something to eat and drink before going!

oh my god i’m so sorry this happened to you?? damn, that must’ve been a stressful experience, i just hope you at least enjoyed the concert a bit before passing out like this :( but thanks a lot for such a great advice, eating and drinking before going is important so you don’t pass out, so i’ll keep that in mind, thanks for sharing <3

@leeskyung : Se mantenha bem hidratada e coma antes de entrar, pq o empurra empurra na frente faz muita galera passar mal por já estarem fracas e desidratadas. Roupa/sapato confortável e bolsa pequena só com o necessário (capa de chuva ou guarda-chuva pq deve chover na fila). E saiba seu limite e se lá na frente ficar muito apertado, vai um pouco pra trás pq passar mal e perder o show não compensa. Bom show! 😘

Bastante água, to levando, e uns snacks pra comer antes tambem, e tu ta certa, o empurra empurra faz a galera passar mal, então tem que ficar esperta. Roupas confortaveis sim, a bolsa vou tentar levar uma pequena com o necessario, mas to levando a camera pro dia do show tambem, que a T4F liberou camera semi profissional, então vou levar ela na bolsa. Mas vou ficar esperta pra não passar mal nem nada e aproveitar o máximo, muito obrigada!!! <3

@firebts : really try to focus on every member and don't take to many pics and vids!!!! take a few ofc but yea def don't just ONLY focus on ur bias i did that at kcon last summer and i missed a lot of what was going on during cypher part 3 when i was watching jimin. also something to b aware of since ur in the pit is that fansites often bring stools to stand on in the pit (i saw this at kcon) if u have flats/comfy shoes with a platform i recommend those for additional height.

Ahhhh that’s such a great advice, i’ll make sure to focus on all of them, i guess only focusing on your bias is not good at all, like u mentioned, u gna lose a lot of whats happening in the concert if u do that, so that’s great advice <3 And, the shoes i’m going to the concert with, are those sneakers, that are super comfy! They are nike ones, so i guess im safe, and they have a lil platform too so that will def help for additional height, altho im a giraffe lmfao. But thank you <3

@cloudjimin said: Heey! I wanted to give you some tips for the concert :) I was at Kcon last year and I was in the pit as well. First of all if you really want a good spot you need to get in line early. Like REALLY EARLY. At Kcon me and my friend lined up at 3 am and the concert was at 8pm. So we were in line for a really long time. We rented an apartment for 2 nights which was 15 minutes away from where the arena was so we were always able take turns to go to the toilet and eat in between. [cont.] For a BTS concert I would line up even earlier but that's up to you really. Definitely don't forget to pack some food and pillows and maybe blankets depending on the weather. Don't bring too much though because once you're in the arena you won't have time to bring anything to a cloak room or something. So take a backpack with you that you can maybe carry during the concert. Make sure all of your batteries are charged and bring a power bank!! [cont.] COMFY SHOES!!! Your legs will hurt like hell after the concert so comfortable shoes will help. And also wear light clothing so you don't overheat. Only if you're okay with that ofc. I wore shorts and a tank top. BEFORE entering the arena you should definitely try to go to a bathroom. And lastly ofc be respectful and DO NOT PUSH! I hope this helps :)

Thanks a lot for everything u wrote and for sharing your concert experiences with me!!! I’ll make sure to line as early as possible, considering i have a lecture on the concert day (so i gotta rush to the concert place) i might be able to get there fast n safe to line early! The weather from what i’ve heard will be probably something like, it’ll rain but the weather is still hot, it’s kinda confusing but yeah!!! I’m taking a backpack with me with the necessary stuff, water, snacks, my camera, and a jacket too in case it gets cold, i’ll wear comfy shoes too, light clothing ALWAYS, i don’t wanna die from the heat sobs, i’ll take 2 power banks with me too!! I’ll wear ripped jeans i guess and a loose tshirt!! And yes i’ll be respectful and i won’t push anybody, it did helped a lot thanks for all the info, advice and tips!!! <3