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#post traumatic stress disorder
I have decided to identify as aroace for the moment. I don't know if there will be a time in the future when I will be able to fall in love and/ or have sex again. But I know that right now and probably for a long time I'm not. Knowing this is painful. Dating used to be a source of great joy and energy in my life. Maybe I have to grieve having lost it so I can accept it. And claiming the label aroace - even if I don't know if forever or just for now - feels right. It feels like acceptance and healing and building a happy life, independent of romance and sex.
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I talk to many people who say things like "oh I have trauma but I don't have PTSD", but then when I talk to them a little more I realize that they most likely do, they just can't recognize it as such due to how lacking PTSD awareness is, even beyond the whole "it's not just a veteran's disorder" thing.
The main reason they think they don't have PTSD usually has to do with flashbacks and nightmares, either they have one but not the other or have neither. But here's the thing, those are only two symptoms out of the 23-odd recognized symptoms. Flashbacks and nightmares are two of the five symptoms under Criterion B (Intrusion), which you only need one of for a diagnosis. The other three symptoms are unwanted upsetting memories, emotional distress after being reminded of trauma and physical reactivity after being reminded of trauma (i.e. shaking, sweating, heart racing, feeling sick, nauseous or faint, etc). Therefore you can have both flashbacks and nightmares, one but not the other, or neither and still have PTSD.
In fact, a lot of the reasons people give me for why they don't think they have PTSD are literally a part of the diagnostic criteria.
"Oh, I can barely remember most parts of my trauma anyway." Criterion D (Negative Alterations in Cognition and Mood) includes inability to recall key features of the trauma.
"Oh but I don't get upset about my trauma that often because I avoid thinking of it or being around things that remind me of it most of the time." Criterion C (Avoidance) includes avoiding trauma-related thoughts or feelings and avoiding trauma-related external reminders, and you literally cannot get diagnosed if you don't have at least one of those two symptoms.
"Oh I just have trouble getting to sleep or staying asleep, but I don't have nightmares." Criterion E (Alterations in Arousal and Reactivity) includes difficulting sleeping outside of nightmares.
"But I didn't have many/any trauma symptoms until a long time after the trauma happened." There's literally an entire specification for that.
Really it just shows how despite being one of the most well-known mental illnesses, people really don't know much about PTSD. If you have trauma, I ask you to at least look at the criteria before you decide you don't have PTSD. Hell, even if you don't have trauma, look at the criteria anyway because there are so many symptoms in there that just are not talked about.
PTSD awareness is not just about flashbacks and nightmares.
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recoverr · 4 months
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you're not a monster. you're you. you're flawed, yes, but you're also incredibly alive. just human. real. capable of great things, capable of change and growth, too. don't define yourself by the inner critic lashing out at you. you're not your worst moments.
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borderlineangel222 · 10 months
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i’m afraid that one day my anger will overshadow the little love i still have left for the world
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snorlax-and-co · 3 months
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neuroticboyfriend · 1 year
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time with complex trauma is like. i need to do everything all at once and if i don't i'm a failure, even if there's nothing to do. three months ago feels like yesterday but i can hardly remember yesterday anyway. i'm running out of time. for what? i don't know. i need everything to slow down but my life is so stagnant. i can't go to sleep because the day can't end, but i need the day to end or i'll go insane. i'm constantly worrying about the future but it feels like i have no future. i'm running out of time. for what? i don't know. time has no meaning but every second is the end of the world.
or is this just me?
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didtipsandhelp · 4 months
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When you're dissociating and someone asks you if you're okay
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bipolarmango · 1 year
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People need to understand that for those who have gone through trauma experience things differently.
If you went through an abandonment as a child, a breakup others would get over with in months can take years to overcome.
If you went through domestic abuse, even small changes in a loved one's tone can make you anxious.
If you were belittled your whole childhood, being professionally critized at work can feel like the end of the world.
Trauma effects us for a long time after it occurs.
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cryingtomycats · 11 months
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Reclaiming your room as a safe space
If you, like me, have had a traumatic experience occur in your room, it can make it really hard to feel safe and comfortable living there. Unfortunately, changing where you live and your room entirely can be really hard, so here's some stuff that's helped me be more comfortable in my room (this won't work for everyone, but it has helped me a LOT)
Rearranging the room- Even just somewhat shifting the layout can be helpful in making it feel different which for me makes memories less frequent
Using smells- I know I talk about this a LOT, but smell has a really strong connection to memory, so using candles or incense or a diffuser or changing the detergent your wash your clothes and sheets with can REALLY help make the place feel different and help you associate the smell of your room with home instead of with trauma. Plus, you get to pick what it is.
Changing the lighting- If you usually open your blinds or curtains, keeping them closed more or visa versa, changing the kind of bulb in your lamp/lights, or, what I've done, using colorful fairy lights. That way, no matter the time of day or what else is going on lighting wise, the room is bathed in a pinkish glow and it will never look exactly the same
Repainting the walls- If you have more time and money, repainting the walls of a room can make it feel entirely different
Replacing/removing a big piece of furniture- if something happened at a desk, or in your bed, or in a chair, or on your rug, while it is the most potentially expensive thing on this list, replacing that can help a lot, because it'll get rid of the part of the room strongest tied to the trauma.
That's all I have right now. I'm not an expert on anything and I'm not trying to tell anyone what to do, but I wanted to share this because firstly, it's helped me a lot, so maybe it could help someone else, and secondly, some shit went down this weekend and posting about stuff that's helped me in my recovery is making me feel a little better.
I really hope someone finds this helpful and if not that's okay too. Hope you have a good day either way <3
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poisonlove · 6 days
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Stay with me | t.c
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Pairing: Tara Carpenter X reader
Summary: Tara had a nightmare and the first person she thought of calling is y/n.
Words: 7.6 K
Warning: Post-traumatic trauma
"Tara! What the hell happened?" I tighten my grip on the phone, wondering why Tara was calling me at 4 in the morning. Sleep fades away as anxiety takes over.
I had met Tara Carpenter weeks ago almost by chance, arriving late to class. At that moment, I saw an empty seat next to a girl with brown hair and without a second thought, I headed in that direction
.Later on, we exchanged pleasantries, but over time those exchanges became more frequent, with added walks along the corridors and chats after school.
"Are you okay?" I ask quickly, feeling a deafening silence from the other end.
"Tara?" I inquire, feeling the worry growing inside me.
I was bitten by anxiety, my lower lip trapped between my teeth as a thousand thoughts, none of them encouraging, raced through my mind. Recently, Tara had told me about the horrible experience she had in Woodsboro with her friends and sister because of two psychopaths disguised as Ghostface. She literally went through hell... losing friends, suffering horrible injuries, and the growing anxiety of being pursued.At that moment,
I had hugged her to try to convey my support. Tara had buried her head in the crook of my neck, returning the gesture almost hesitantly. I knew she was scared, terrified of the idea of trusting someone again and reliving that horrible experience.
But despite everything, she trusted me.
"Y/n?" Tara's voice was broken, her nose sniffling as she sobbed. "Tara!" I say with my heart pounding, waiting for Carpenter's words.
"Can you come over?" Her voice becomes weak as she speaks, sobs threatening to escape any moment. "Are you hurt?" I ask, terrified, anxiety threatening to drive me insane.
Tara sniffs, the sound of her breath making me even more anxious. Should I run? Take the bus? Call an ambulance and rush to her apartment with a weapon? But would I be able to kill to defend her? A thousand questions assail me, and just the thought of having to kill sends shivers down my spine.
"No..." she says hoarsely, and a sense of relief washes over me.
"Has he... come back?" I timidly ask, biting my lower lip.
I didn't know what the term Ghostface would provoke in Tara, so I just asked if her fear had followed her to New York.
"No" Tara says timidly, her sobs threatening to escape from her lips.
I relax and look out the window, seeing the city shrouded in silence, the light from some lampposts illuminating bits of the street, and cars passing by occasionally.
"What's going on?" I ask calmly, knowing the brown-haired girl was safe."I need you..." she whispers weakly, her nose sniffling. "I had a horrible nightmare," she concludes with a faint voice, her voice still broken.
"Tara..." I respond gently, my heart squeezing at so much tenderness. "Is Sam not there?" I ask as I get out of bed, searching for my clothes.
"No... She'll be back from work at 7," she says timidly.
"Is it really that urgent?" I ask, biting my lower lip, sighing. "Yes..." Tara replies hoarsely, and I know the only way out of this situation is to go to the brown-haired girl's apartment.
"What did you dream about?" I ask timidly as I put on my pants, the phone between my ear and shoulder to keep it up. "I... I dreamt of him again... He was killing you in front of my eyes, laughing," she says with terror in her voice, sighing loudly. "I felt so powerless and scared," she sobs.
"I'm here," I say gently.
I put the phone on speaker as I put on the sweatshirt Tara had given me. "When I woke up, I was crying, and not seeing Sam panicked me," she confesses quickly, and I smile at her words.
I was glad she called me because she wanted my company.
"I'm coming, okay? Just give me 10 minutes," I say gently, wanting to reassure Tara, and the brown-haired girl mumbles in response. "10 minutes," she says timidly.
She had woken me up in the middle of the night, but when it came to Tara, I didn't mind.
(...)
"Hey! sorry for being late, I thought some chocolate might..." I start to apologize for being late, but Tara's arms around my neck freeze me in surprise.
A smile spreads across my face as I let myself be enveloped by her warm embrace, responding to her need for contact. Tara seemed to have developed a particular affection in the last few weeks, perhaps she was scared to be alone. It was entirely understandable considering what poor Carpenter had been through.
I sigh and leave a kiss on her forehead.
"You're here," Tara whispers against my neck, the sound of her voice muffled but full of meaning, and I can only smile in response.
Her arms tighten slightly around me
"always," I whisper timidly.
Tara pulls away from my neck but her arms remain around my waist. Her eyes look at me sweetly, chin up and a dazzling smile showing her dimples "you're my friend, that and more for you" I confess a bit bitterly for the word friend.
Why deny it? I liked Tara, a lot.
Tara continues to look at me without blinking, a shy smile on her lips. I could see the freckles dusted along her face. "So... Did you bring the chocolate?" Tara clears her throat, her eyes pointing to the chocolate in my hands.
"Oh yeah," I say and chuckle timidly, cheeks reddened with embarrassment."Thank you, you're adorable," Tara smiles widely and takes the chocolate.
The brunette puts the chocolate on the glass table.
Then her arms found purchase around my shoulders, her nose brushing against the weak point of my neck. "Why did you want me here?" I ask timidly, my voice just a whisper against Tara's ear.
Tara sighs loudly and presses her face more against my chest
"I feel safe with you" she murmurs weakly and my cheeks flush red.
Tara looks at me and her cheeks were flushed.
I raise an eyebrow seeing how Tara's eyes were slowly closing due to sleep. Tara mumbles and yawns."You're sleepy huh? I could keep you company on call until you fall asleep" I chuckle timidly and Tara yawns again.
"No," Tara whines with a cute pout, and I feel her body curl up even more against mine "I was really scared... I needed a hug."
I sigh deeply, feeling the weight of her vulnerability and without hesitation, I pull her into my arms, trying to convey all my support.
"I... felt like that night when I was attacked," Tara continues, shuddering against my body as her words pierce my heart. "Alone at home... vulnerable... but terrified because I knew there was someone who wanted to hurt me," she confesses, and my heart breaks for her.
"I'm here," I whisper gently, placing my lips on her forehead hoping that my gesture can somehow soothe her suffering.
Tara sighs against my chest.
"Come on... Let me take you to bed," I say timidly, my arms around her waist. "Sam is coming," I whisper, and Tara nods against my chest.
"Will you take me?" she asks weakly, yawning, and I smile when I notice her firm grip on my neck.
I bend down to gather her into my arms, and we head towards the bed where Tara emits a small sigh of satisfaction at the contact with the mattress.
"Goodnight," I say timidly, leaning down to give her a kiss on the cheek. "No... Stay with me," the brunette says determinedly, her hands clinging to my hoodie."But Sam..." I begin, trying to express my concerns about her sister's reaction, but Tara interrupts me with a pout.
"Sam won't say anything, stay with me please," Tara whispers sweetly, looking at me with eyes full of hope and vulnerability like a deer in need of comfort.
Faced with her tender request, I find myself unable to resist.
I sigh and settle down next to her, feeling the warmth of her body close to mine and a smile graces Tara's face. "When Sam arrives, I'll go home," I whisper gently, feeling her hands wrap around my arm as if I were a plush toy to cling to.
"Yeah..." Tara responds briefly, resting her head against my chest, and my heart skips a beat at her response.
I sigh with contentment, allowing myself to be completely enveloped by her embrace, smiling weakly as I reflect on the evening (or rather, morning) we've spent together.
In the end, Tara doesn't let me go, and I wouldn't want to be anywhere else.
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kitten-forward · 4 months
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I love the aspec community! I received so much support after my post about identifying as aroace. ☺️
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To social alters that have had their hearts repeatedly crushed: you were not 'too trusting' others just failed to treat you with the care and kindness everyone deserves, you're still wanted, you're still loved, your system still needs you. Not wanting to socialise out of fear is not a failing.
You're wanted
You're loved
You're valid
And I see you
You are so strong and you deserve to heal from the pain other's have brought you
The fact that you still hold out your arms for friendships and relationships is incredible and I understand if you don't want to anymore.
It's not selfish to try and protect your soul
Not matter what you've been through, we will always be here for you and there is good people in the world
We love you and your system still needs and loves you <3
- a sentiment held by the entire conference hall collective
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ceruleanmindpalace · 5 months
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Inktober No. 31 - Haunted
Sherlock is haunted by his past.
From @bluebellofbakerstreet's amazing promptlist for Inktober 2023
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Sorry for just vanishing for two weeks, things were (and still are) quite difficult for me at the moment. The actual topic of this Inktober work is what I am struggling with most at the moment. We are shaped by our pasts and the marks of it can make our present dark and dull. What happened in childhood can feel impossible to shake off and haunt us for our entire life.
I am flattered if you reblog, but do NOT post my art on other sites/social media or use in any other way without my written permission.
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borderlineangel222 · 1 year
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i never felt loved by my family which is why i always searched for it in the worst places because when you’re about to die of thirst, even a drop of poison tastes like heaven.
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snorlax-and-co · 6 months
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