#posting this cause i know anno wanted me to

[skishie]

my oc :]

[acotarxreader]

Stress Relief

Azriel X Reader

Synopsis: Working for the Night Court has become near impossible with Azriel determined to drive you out the door but can a camping trip arranged by Rhys smooth things over.

Warnings: Angst, fluff, smut, frenemies to lovers, lots of dialogue, if you see a typo no you didn't

A/N: Hehe this kinda long but I wanted to keep the chaos to one part. I'm finding writing since Other Worlds a bit stressy so I think posting this nonsense will help with that and we can return to out regularly scheduled programming. Let me know what you think!

Requests open! (I am working on your Cass request if you see this anon👀 )

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“YN you need to fucking relax”

“I suggest that you keep quiet Azriel if you'd like to keep your head attached to your shoulders” Azriel rolled his eyes at you from the couch as you paced up and down, trusty list in hand. 

“I’m just saying you’ll give yourself a heart attack”

“Hey! Do you want me to add your name to this list!”

“Az would only want to be on it if it's your To Do list” A pillow flew from alongside Azriel right at Cassian as he howled. 

“I’ll relax once we get there”

“Why do you get so fucking neurotic when it comes to travelling?”

“Why are you so fucking anno-”

“Okay okay stop it you too! We promised Feyre no fighting on Rhy’s big camping trip, she’s already upset Elain won’t come, just don’t add to her stress” You and Azriel groaned like scolded children at Cassian’s words. You counted the bags again, checking off your list as you went. Azriel stood to grab his bag, coming chest to chest with you before pushing past.

“I’m flying ahead because I can’t be around her uptight ass anymore”

“Aw you look at my ass” you smiled sarcastically as Cassian laughed in the background. 

-

You all finally arrived deep within the woods of the Night Court, luggage crashing down around the group. You couldn’t stop thinking that you had forgotten everything, glancing from the list to the pile repeatedly, your friends happily unpacking. The night had already begun to creep in, Azriel and you delaying the group by fighting about which was the fastest route to take. You busied yourself fixing up some of the tents as Azriel dug through the pile of bags in search of his own. 

“YN, what’s the plan for us sleeping together?”

“Excuse me?” you deadpaned to Azriel. 

“Sor-Sorry I meant the plan for sleeping?” he quickly corrected himself, his shadows doing their best to cover his rosie cheeks. 

“Well, Feyre & Rhysand, Cassian & Nesta, Amren & Mor and then I guess you and Lucien and then I get my own tent” you beamed, shaking a sleeping bag from its case. 

“Funny how that worked out isn't it” he remarked and you rolled your eyes but the group agreed to the sleeping arrangements, with further prodding for Lucien to agree. 

You gathered around the fire, feasting on the fire-roasted food Cassian did his best not to cremate, trading life stories in pure unadulterated ease, everything Rhysand had wanted for this trip. You swaddled yourself deeply into your sleeping bag as the fire began to sink beneath its tinder. 

“Do you regret leaving Summer Court for us YNN?” 

“I think I love the Night Court more than I ever could Summer” You smiled in reply to Cassian, your eyes flashing to Rhysand briefly before he launched into his favourite Tarquin story, Azriel noticing the fleeting glance seemingly tinged with an element of sadness. 

“You like it even though being an emissary to the Seasonal Courts clearly makes you want to pull your hair from your head?” Azriel whispered to you. 

“You and your antics are the only thing that causes me to do that, I seriously think you need a refresher training on diplomacy” you bit back to his sharp whisper. You had shared the job with Lucien but soon found yourself taking on the brunt of the work as Lucien was lost in Elain.

“You need to stop being so uptight seriously, I think you need to be fucked or something, anything to get you to relax” Your head whipped towards him, the group laughing at Rhysand's story, choosing to ignore the two of you, assuming it was an argument. You huffed out in disgust at Azriel, he watched your chest release the full capacity of air from your lungs before taking another deep breath. You shuffled slightly in the sheet, wrapping the sleeping bag tighter around yourself and facing back towards the fire. It was then Azriel realised he was fully staring at your chest. 

“I didn't…I didn't mean that I want to be the one to….fuck you…I meant …” 

“Just stop talking Az” you scoffed, choosing to listen to Rhysand instead as Azriel mentally cursed himself for losing his edge over you. The fire sank until it went out, the laughter from the group lighting the forest. 

“Okay, it's like 2am, time for bed kids especially if we’re going for the hike tomorrow” Rhysand stood, pulling a sleepy Feyre to her feet. The group said their good nights as you climbed into your canvas home. You stretched along the fabric floor and sank into sleep easily, tired from the day as you balled up in your opened-out sleeping bag. 

-

“Hey! YNN! Wake up!” 

“I swear to the Gods you better be a super polite Naga about to rip my head off otherwise you’ll wish you were” you breathed out without opening your eyes, the sound of your tent zip worse than a blaring alarm to your sleepy state. 

“It’s Az, I need to sleep in here, push over” he collapsed next to you without invitation, your hand sailing outwards to clock him flat into the chest with a thud. 

“Az, what the fuck? It's like 3am, get the fuck out we’re not braiding one another's hair!” you whisper-shouted at him while you sat up. 

“Lucien is snoring like he’s trying to deafen me and I don’t fancy interrupting Mor and Amrens beauty sleep and as for the mates, I don’t need to explain why I don’t want to go in there” you sighed at him as he gave you a look that said he wasn’t going anywhere. You sank back into the canvas, Azriel pulling the sleeping bag from you. 

“Az” you bit out. 

“I’m not going to freeze to death because you’re a blanket thief”

“You’re going to find yourself on the other side of the zip if you don’t go to sleep” you said, rolling into the slack of the sleeping bag, pulling it fully from Azriel. He almost grunted at the action, catching the end and whipping it from under you, sending you rolling into the wall of the tent. 

“Az!” you barked and he raised his hands up in surrender. You sank beneath the cover again, moving closer to Azriel to spread the sleeping bag more evenly. Azriels eyes fixed on the mesh vents on the tent roof, the sound of the night filling the tent.

“Do you ever think you’ll go back to the Summer Court?” Azriel broke the silence that filled the tent, you sighed before replying. 

“If you keep being a prick then maybe” you deflected the question successfully.

“I’m a prick because I care” You laughed at his joking tone, rolling to your side to face him more, hands tucked in under your cheek. 

“As much stress as you and Cass and your antics cause me, which is a lot might I add, I would find it very hard to leave you freaks” you half laughed, eyes still heavy. 

“We’d miss you” he admitted

“I mean who would keep your secrets from one another if not me” you teased. 

“What secrets?” you tapped the side of your nose lazily and Azriel nudged you slightly in annoyance at your grin. 

“Fine fine emmm.... Cass is the one who told all those females in the Rita's where to find you when you were home” you yawned into a light laugh. Azriel felt annoyance grow in him at this revelation, that had caused him months of being harassed by all sorts from every walk of life. 

“I swear I’m going t-”

“Just leave it Shadowsinger” you gave a small laugh, grabbing his hand as he went to leave the nest you’d both made, pulling him back down and forgetting to let go, you lost your fight to sleep then, entirely drifting back off. Azriel glanced at you sleeping peacefully next to him and found himself surprised at enjoying holding your hand beneath the sleeping bag. 

Azriel stayed awake for half an hour, staring up at the canvas above him, torn between the growing pain in his shoulder and not wanting to let go of your hand. The nerves felt like they were screaming as the muscles went dead in his arm, an idea coming to him. He quickly rolled towards you while releasing your hand and grabbing the other but he greatly misjudged the distance, sending his head straight into yours. You almost immediately dropped his hand to place it on the bump growing on your head, Azriel feeling regret for waking you but more so for letting you go. 

“You're such a freak Shadowsinger” You laughed half asleep before rolling in closer to him and draping your arm across his waist, pulling yourself closer to him softly, resting your head between the pillow and his chest. Azriel felt such an unfamiliar level of comfort at the movement but also a new level of confusion. 

You moved from next to him then, leaning on your elbow to prop yourself up and look at him as puzzled as he looked at you. 

“Sorry I-I don't know why I did that”

“Emm it’s okay YN…it was actually kinda comfortable…I’m ok-ay if you’re okay with it” he spoke the words with caution and you found a sigh of relief leave you that you didn’t know you had. You rolled away from Azriel to face the tent wall, his face slightly greying with nerves, had he been vulnerable to the wrong person? He braced for your rejection only for it not come, instead you shuffled slightly down and laid your back flat into his chest. Azriel cautiously moved his arm across your waist, only to have you catch hold of his hand and move it across faster, forgetting to release his hand again. 

Azriel nestled his chin on top of your head, pulling you in as close as he could as you both tangled your legs together. He felt so entirely comforted by how close you were to him…too close he thought suddenly. He shuffled in the bed a little to try to hide the part of him betraying any sense of secrecy he had about his changing feelings towards you. You just moved back to where you were, leaving him no place to hide. Azriel felt your whole body smirk against him as you traced little circles along the back of his hand with your thumb, he hated how you were winning. 

“You’re not hard for me to read Azriel” he definitely heard the smirk from you. He refused to let you win, he tried to push the embarrassment from his voice before speaking again-

“Well I hardly think that's surprising, I already told you what I think needs to happen for you to relax” he barely whispered, your body's turn to stiffen in the bed alongside him, he smiled with the point he won. 

Azriel slowly moved to hover his mouth above your neck, both so still in the movement that he could almost see the hairs on your neck stand on their end. He gave little thought to his next movement, now acting on his instinct as he met your neck almost painfully softly. He kissed you there until you found your neck flexing to allow him more access. A betraying soft moan of approval escaped you as Azriel smiled into the nips he gave you, gaining a further point advantage. 

You couldn’t let him hold the win for long as you began to push yourself into his growing length, a low growl escaping him before he reburied himself in your neck, more feverishly this time. Your hand wrapped tighter around his as you began to grind into him, encouraging him further. You rolled onto your back, Azriel now almost hovering over you and moved without thinking. He leaned down and met his lips with yours. Electric, you were electrifying one another. This night was going further than you both thought it would. Sex was one thing but kissing someone like that and feeling such overwhelming desire as a result was another thing. You both separated almost surprised at the waves of confusion mixed with yearning. 

“I-I didn’t mean to… I shouldn’t have…” Azriel didn’t know what he was saying, almost begging you with his eyes to say anything. 

“I-” you were cut off by the sound of Lucien's loud sneeze from across the fire pit causing you both to almost jump. It hit you both then what you were about to do, with all your friends mere metres away. 

“Night Azriel” was all you found yourself saying before rolling back to face the wall of the tent, not taking his arm with you. Azriel cursed in his head before lying back down on the canvas. He didn’t sleep for the rest of the night, the thought of what could have been controlling his thoughts. He didn’t think you were asleep either but didn’t challenge you on it, what had you both done?

-

You rolled over to find the space next to you empty as the sun leaked in the thin canvas the next morning. You ran your hands down your face, cursing your actions from the night previous. You got dressed haphazardly, removing a mirror from your pack to braid your hair back, your eyes falling on deep maroon markings on the side of your neck. You traced them gently with your fingertips, a small smile escaping you at the memory. 

“YN! Get up! We’re leaving in 10” Cassian's voice accompanied him banging on the top of your tent, chasing your smile away. You ran your hands through the loose braid, separating it out again to cover the evidence of your lapse in judgment. 

You hauled yourself out through the soft door once you were dressed to find your friends all laughing at one of Cassian's stories, ready and waiting for you to set off. Your eyes landed on Azriel as he tilted his head back laughing before his eyes met yours, he almost instantly tore them from you and looked back to Cassian. 

-

The group set off bounding along the mountain in total ease, Nesta winding Rhysand up ahead of you and Cassian. 

“So YN…you gonna tell me why Az won’t look at you?” 

“How am I supposed to read that pain in the ass’s mind?” you replied almost too quickly to him as he raised an eyebrow, catching your hand and helping you up a steeper part of the path. You looked at the back of Azriel’s head ahead of you as he lead the group along the path to the waterfall. 

“Hmm likely story YN and tell me why I could have sworn I heard Az leave your tent this morning?” he couldn’t bury the teasing tone as you sighed. 

“Lucien was snoring so Azriel just stayed in my tent, no big deal” You could see the thoughts race through Cassian’s grinning face, you tilted your head slightly forward, ensuring the truth was still covered by your hair. 

“Interesting, I don’t know Lucien to be a snorer” He gave a small laugh as you raised your eyebrow, only getting a playful shake of the Illyrian's head in return. A sudden slap of mud met the side of Cassian's face. 

“That’s for Rita’s!“ Azriel shouted back the path, his hand having just released the ball of mud. 

“You told him YN!” Cassian’s head snapped to you as you howled with laughter.

“Must have slipped out?” you tried your best to lie, only to have the broad male throw you over his shoulder as you screamed in hysterics. He ran with you, the group all roaring laughing as they followed. You suddenly couldn’t feel Cassian under you as he flung you from his arms, landing with a splash into the large lake. 

“Cassian! I’m going to kill you!” you shrieked, the cold water bursting through you sending power coursing. You sent a tendril of water, playfully pulling Cassian from where he stood straight into the water alongside you, the group following suit in fits of laughter, leaving Azriel to watch from the rocks. Azriels eye caught the slight glimpse of his handiwork beneath your soaked hair, a pang of pride beating through him then replaced by panic. A shadow met the side of your face, draping your hair back to cover the markings. You looked towards Azriel and found yourself laughing at the action, he returned a smile. 

-

After a day of hiking and swimming and being a bunch of fools, you all came back to the campsite ready to feast on whatever you could scrounge up. 

“Okay everyone, it’s time to announce the reason behind this little trip” Rhysand announced to his family gathered around the roaring fire. 

“Well, as you know, YN has been with us now for some months now-”

“Unfortunately” you hit Azriel into the chest at his sarcasm.

“Anyways-” Rhysand threw a warning glance “-YN has helped to negotiate many our trade agreements and cleaned up many of our messes-” Cassian raised a glass to you at Rhysands words, the group laughing “-But anyway, I’m sorry to announce that I have failed as your High Lord in convincing her to stay with us” the group turned to face you in almost shock. 

“I know everyone I said-”

“-You said you wouldn’t leave” Azriel cut across you, semblances of pain dripping from his quick words. 

“I know Az but-”

“-No, you said you wouldn’t leave” his words turned to tones of anger, the group looking amongst themselves, feeling as though they were intruding. 

“Yes but Az, I’m needed at home, they’re still recovering from Amarantha and Tarquin needs m-”

“-But I- I mean we need you!” He stood from the log to look down at you, your sad eyes meeting his. Suddenly aware of the scene he was making he dissolved into shadow as you tried to call after him. 

“I better go-”

“No Cass, I'll go” you winnowed out of the clearing. 

-

Azriel crashed into his room in the House of Wind. Mixtures of emotions spinning in his head like the shadows around his heels. 

“Az” he whipped around to see you stood with your hands up chest level in surrender. 

“Here to pack your bags?” he chewed out. 

“Oh fuck off Azriel, don’t actually pretend you want me to stay” you matched his tone. 

“And why do you say that?” he snapped back.

“Because you’re the reason I’m leaving!” he took a small step back in shock at your sharp admission. He sat down on the edge of his bed, brow furrowing in thought. 

“What have I done to you?”

“What haven’t you done!? You go out of your way to make my job difficult, every motion I put forward you try to shoot down, you’re constantly following me watching every move I make waiting me to fuck up! Now you have what you want, I’m leaving!” you paced up and down in front of him, releasing the tension you held in your shoulders. 

“I don’t want you to leave” he sounded almost offended that you thought so. 

“What?”

“You really think I want you to leave…especially after last night” he stood from the bed, stepping in front of you to stop your pacing.

“I thought that especially after last night you’d want me to leave” You half laughed.

“At least I guess I’ve given you something to remind you of me” he gave the smallest smile, his hand sweeping your hair off your shoulder to look at his busy work as you felt yourself blush.

“Don’t leave YN, who would I play with?”

“Cass maybe” you grinned, something seemingly darkening in his eyes. 

“I don’t want to fuck him” he breathed out.

“That’s not what Rhys told me” You laughed again before noticing his serious eyes. 

“Please don’t leave me YN”

“And what will I tell Tarquin?” you chuckled, unsure what to do with Azriels edgy tone. His hand found yours, hazel eyes fixated on you.

"Tell him you're preoccupied" "With what exactly" he moved closer to you with your words ever so slightly rattling out of you.

“Az if we kiss…this might become more than what either of us wants”

"What if its what we both want?" he was mere millimetres from you now, unable to fight against this magnetic force pulling you forward. Something bubbling between you both, the electricity coursing through the space between you both again as you kissed so sweetly. Your eyes snapped open to find his eyes meeting yours, gently pulling back from one another. Mate. Mate. Mate.

“YN- you’re my-”

“-Mate” you breathed while looking at him with such unadulterated love. Azriel burst into laughter with you following suit.

“Now you really can’t leave me”

“How convenient” you smiled, running your hands through your hair, Azriel tracing the bitemark's outline with his heated gaze.

“Care for some stress relief YN?” Azriels hands went straight for your hips, the feeling of the small calluses meeting your soft sides sent pulses down you both. He met your neck, the same place he had last night, cupping his hands beneath your lower legs and lifting you from the ground, your legs wrapped around his waist

“Why can't I keep away from you?” You breathed, the hairs on Azriel’s neck standing on their end.

“Why does that make me so happy?” Was all he could manage before reconnecting to your neck. Azriel carried you to the bed before throwing you down and closely following in pursuit. You knotted your fingers through his hair and forced down the moan trying to escape at the pleasure of having him nip you. You tugged his hair until he pulled from you to face you.

“I want all of you”

Azriel cautiously lowered his mouth to yours until they met again. Much like the first time electricity coursed through both of you but unlike the last time, neither pulled away, only growing hungrier.

You could feel him hardening against your thigh, no longer able to fight the little victory you were going to give him, you moaned gently. He smirked hard into the kiss before it became more feverish. Your hand ran across him beneath the fabric of his trousers, his turn to groan.

“You're wearing too many clothes” he rasped as you smirked and pulled your shirt from over your head, he gently caught your jaw as he kissed along it. 

“I want revenge for these” you smirked, wrapping your leg into his side to flip him so you straddled him on top. Your teeth grazed his neck with heat as he sat up in the bed with you on his lap. He pulled his shirt from over his head, his hands replacing on your hips to support you, his groaning encouraging you on.

“Enough teasing YN, I need you” he said darkly, flipping you onto your back and yanking your trousers free from your legs to discard them. Azriel kissed you sweetly before moving down the shape of your body, peppering kisses along the trail to your entrance. You felt your legs begin to tremble under his touch, begging for more as his fingers began to play with your clit, your hands tangling in his hair with a moan. 

“You’re so ready for me YN, its intoxicating” he began to kiss around you and slowly his fingers began to move in and out while he sucked your clit. You felt the tension build in your abdomen, the greatest realess you ever had just a few movements away until he stopped entirely. You looked down between your legs to meet his eyes as he moved to hover above you again, discarding his own trousers in the process. 

“You’re so beautiful YNN” Your hand met the side of his face softly before pulling him back down into a searing kiss. Your fingers began to drag up and down his bear back before tracing the spines of his wings as they began to splay in their relaxed state. 

“Is that okay Azriel?” you whispered watching his eyes close with the building pleasure. 

“Nothing has ever been more okay” he leaned his head towards your hand, taking the waves of pleasure in his stride before lowering back down to meet you sweetly. 

Azriel slowly then began to enter you, you both almost meeting your release at the feeling. He slowly began to drag in and out as the sensation grew with its addictive nature, he increased his speed, spurred on by your hitching breath. The pressure growing and growing and growing, your fingers digging into his shoulders as your back arched until the band snapped sending you into overdrive as every nerve in your body stood to attention and then exploded. You practically screamed his name sending him over the edge, returning the sentiment by moaning your name, collapsing next to you while riding out his high. 

“I had no idea how much I needed to hear you say my name like that YN” Azriel finally found some composure to rasp out, his arm wrapping around you, pulling you in. You tried not to cringe in embarrassment as you buried a laugh into his chest. 

“Don’t go shy on me now” he laughed, kissing the top of your head. You rolled onto your elbows to look into his eyes as they lit up for you. You hauled the duvet up around you, leaving a small corner for Azriel to tug at.

“Why must I be mated to a blanket thief?”

“Why must I be mated to a pain in the ass?”

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Whatcha think friends!

[thetentaclecommander]

I'm greedy!!!!!!!!!! 🌞 For the ship bingo: 1) Nemestine 2) Any ship including your OC ya want to fill/tell more about 3) I know it isn't listed, so if you feel like it and it hits any points, do vladivaef (Sergei/Nikolai)

Team Greedy!

Welp lesse 1. Nemestine

Lemme explain. This ship is very stupidly my bias (it's been years, this otp is my retirement investment) where I want them so together yet...I love analyzing the hell out of these two down to motives and interior selves. I'd so watch them like ants in a bottle. And then watch them fuckin. They are such a vibe and aesthetic but also so tragic in my hands but yeah I can't see them as canon mainly cause of getting Nem back alive and the setting clearly not supporting it. They elicit so many complicated feels in my fic comments and I love it. Whoever thought of this ship? Someone in 99' did - I'm just uplifting it and making it fancy lol

2. Nem/Zeus (Neus? am workshopping that)

Ah so you've chosen even more angst and pain. I love these two both as characters separately and for the damaged 'animals in captivity/abused siblings cope in the worst ways' vibe they bring to the table. Both are tragic and powerful beings who try to act as 'people' and care but are so so toxic to each other. Unlike Nem and Jill, you don't want them to work out or at least you want one to acknowledge the harm he's done and the other to not be as insanely devoted/clingy. They are just a train wreck to watch - and yes I outcrackshipped my main crackship. 3. Vladivaef (not in the AU but since you asked :) )

Funny enough I'm not that hardcore a shipper of them (I blame @sweet7simple and Anno for getting me on that train at all) and see them as the most tawdry 90s Russians with unexamined homophobic tendencies that are (just like everyone else here) fun ants to study. I can see them as toxically macho with Sergei's want to build up old Russia again and Nik's drive for more money in a possible not at all healthy mentor/mentee-ish relationship that got rather intimate. Can see them as ambivalent exes with Sergei being a big old manwhore and menace demanding things of Nikolai until the younger man ages out of Sergei's pref age range. Man, all the ships here are so toxic in my hands lol! (I promise others aren't as sad or complicated but most were oc and oc and wasn't sure if those counted under the bingo) Thanks for the ask!

(refers to this ask game post)

[adamworu]

hello! may i know your thoughts on shinji’s simultaneous idealisation of and openness with kaworu? and do you think shinji still has an inferiority complex towards kaworu in the final episode 24?

i find that one would usually want to hide their own weaknesses when interacting with an idealised other, i.e. shinji with kaworu (and if applicable someone you have an inferiority complex towards). however, shinji still opens up to kaworu. would this mean that kaworu’s acceptance of shinji overrides shinji fear of being judged, even in the eyes of someone he admires? if so, what does his line “why am i telling all this to kaworu?” mean for them, since it is an expression of shinji’s wariness?

do you think shinji’s idealisation is so great that it would cause problems in their relationship if they had continued to be friends? and finally, are there any implications from shinji killing his idealised self, (kaworu)?

i apologise for the long post! please let me know if you are comfortable with dms because i would like to discuss eva more :)

Hi again and I hope your day is going well!

Anno states that Kaworu's an incredibly good person and this fact alone makes Shinji feel insecure. Not to the point of having a front about his vulnerabilities but the opposite. I think Shinji's complex would have remained, given how the differences between Kaworu and Shinji are vast. The former isn't seemingly bothered with being vulnerable and seeks companionship/love. It's not secret that Shinji wants to be open, and the biggest thing hindering him is fears on being hurt.

"however, shinji still opens up to kaworu. would this mean that kaworu’s acceptance of shinji overrides shinji fear of being judged, even in the eyes of someone he admires?"

Bingo. There's a sense of respect that Kaworu gives that others don't give him, which also reinforces the gradual shedding of Shinji's timid exterior. It's why he catches himself realizing that he told his vulnerabilities to Kaworu.

Shinji's idealization could cause problems, yes , but, that's not to say that Kaworu is somehow immaculate.

Shinji killing Kaworu isn't really about killing the idealization. It's a different can of worms I've mulled over here.

[keibea]

Get to Know Me - Sims Style

i was tagged by @amuhav because she loves me and knows i love doing these things

what's your favourite sims death?

ngl i dont actually have one, im terrified of any of my babies dying so they never do...but i guess old age maybe? because that means theyve lived a long life and ive played with them for a long time?

alpha cc or mm?

alpha HANDS DOWN...i dont hate mm by any means dont get me wrong, but ill always be an alpha girl at heart. its the alpha hairs, they always get me.

do you cheat your sims weight?

only if it fits their character i guess? not usually in gameplay.

do you move objects

i move objects every single day.

fave mod?

ooofff i mean out of necessity? nraas. but just the one i love? hands down pose player. mostly because i was so excited when i finally got it to work (i was like 13 or something and before then i could not figure out how to get mods to work) so a lot of happy memories from finally getting my sims to pose.

first expansion/game pack/stuff pack?

my first ever was sims 2 glamour life stuff pack when i was a kid. if we're talking sims 3, i believe the first pack i got was generations, which is still my favourite sims pack ever.

do you pronounce live mode like aLIVE or LIVing?

i pronounce it LIVE, always have as far as i know.

who's your favourite sim that you've made?

well, its gotta be elodie honestly. she and eli are the longest sims i have ever had and i love them both dearly. in the sims 4, its gotta be my girl pippa. before tumblr? i had this family called the moretti's, i miss them and i think about them way too often. i loved them all.

have you made a simself?

oh yeah. loads of times. i think ive shared my sims 3 and sims 4 variations on tumblr (but they look really weird tbh). i love making myself, cause then i can wear all these clothes i cant afford in real life.

favourite ea hair

im with aimee on this one.

im mostly joking, but usually sims 3 hairs are a no go for me, except for some store ones and the hairs that are pulled back into buns always look really nice. for sims 4, only the newer ones. the older ones are not for me.

favourite life stage?

young adult. i feel like you can always do more with young adult sims and you have so much more time (except in sims 1 i believe?and sims 2 only if u went to uni?? idk). 90% of my sims are forever young adults because i love that life stage so much.

are you a builder or are you in it for the gameplay?

mate ive been trying to build for donkeys years to no avail. so im almost always in it for the gameplay.

are you a cc creator?

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA BAHAHAHA HA once upon a time bro maybe. your girl tries to be, but uni is a pain in my bottom, and sims 3 loves making my life difficult.

do you have any simblr friends or a sim squad?

somehow i do?? more friends then irl anyway. the girl gang is @thesimperiuscurse , @lazysunjade & @amuhav these 3 have put up with me despite my crazy personality for an incredibly amount of time and i love them all dearly. but i have so many friends on here its crazy (more than 3 people its incredible!). obviously they havent seen my real personality yet. besties include: @catharsim , @plumbobem , @johziii , @rollo-rolls , @moonsonnet , oh gosh im forgetting people I AM SO SORRY I LOVE U ALL SO MUCH

do you have any sims merch?

bro i wish, but no money. spent it all on anno 1800. no regrets.

do you have a youtube for sims?

i believe formally i do, but i dont post anything. i do have some ideas if i ever wanted to, but my adhd brain couldnt cope being consistent so i probably never will.

how has your "sims style" changed throughout your years of playing?

as in sims or gameplay? idk ill talk about both. gameplay wise, not much, except im weirdly a lot more controlling then i was over my sims WHOOPS. but i still cant get passed gen 2 so that hasn't changed. but i still prefer family gameplay, probably always will. and challenges, always challenges. sims wise? a lot.

this is one of the earliest sims i have photo evidence of. this was in 2018 i believe?

whose your favourite cc creator?

the people that are the cause of most of my cc obsession are @kerriganhouse , @rollo-rolls , @johziii , @joojconverts & @martassimsbookcc and probably a few more but mind blank

how long have u had simblr?

since 2020. one of the longest things ive ever committed to.

how do you edit your pictures?

with my blood, sweat and tears. im not joking, a lot of sweat and tears goes on when im editing.

what expansion/gamepack is your faveourite?

of all time? generations, no doubt in my mind. i never had any sims 1 or sims 2 expansions, so i never got to experience those unfortunately. generations was perfection though. i mean, boarding school? lifesaver. also led to the best sims series of all time: lifesimmer's generations. for sims 4 though? probably get together, purely because of the world.

[itsuki-minamy]

"SIDE GOLD"

CHAPTER 3: OOTONO BENJI (PART 4)

* List of Chapters

Translation: Naru-kun Raws: Anno

"Kirinoichi" is found, as the name suggests, in the night mist. He could dimly see the stalls with straw mats spread out on the floor, a rarity these days, and people milling around them under the bare hanging light bulbs. The voices that came and went swayed, disconcerting the visitors with an ambiguous sense of distance, as near or far.

In such a city, in a plaza that could be the inner part or the edge, the "Kagirohigumi" and the "Fourth Legal Affairs Office" divided into several groups, surrounding a pot placed on a charcoal brazier. Everyone was dipping their chopsticks into the town's self-proclaimed specialty, "Nan-yara-nabe" (short for "What's on it?"), to replenish their mental and physical fatigue with nabe.

Ootono was in one of these relaxation circles.

Or rather, they were mixed.

The attitude of the people surrounding the pot was completely transparent.

"I became the "King" right after the defeat, when I finished taking care of the remaining business of the General Staff Headquarters. When I was having breakfast, I said to Chika-san who was sitting across from me: "As promised. I survived the war. Let's get married."

Not to mention Nazumi, who talks bluntly as if he's giving a sermon.

"What are you talking about, stupid?"

Unno with a face of chewing bitter bugs that were not in the ingredients of the pot.

"So, did you get it!?"

"Yes, because I promised. It was the best condition for us to survive."

Suwako, who lashed out at the conversation, and Chika, who responded calmly.

"If you don't want to fight, you might eat as well."

"......"

Okuma, who calmly handed over the bowl, paid no attention to the appearance of Ootono, who was covered in bandages. Only Colt received the bowl as it was given to him, it may because he was so depressed that he couldn't even afford to do like as everybody...

(After seeing such a monster, maybe I'm not a big deal.)

Even he looked down on himself, they were all so natural.

Nazumi continued.

"Yes, that kind of consent..."

"It was always exactly the same "yes"."

Chika's correction followed.

"The moment I got permission, I came into contact with that "Slate"."

Unno vomited in a bad mood.

"So what are you talking about? You want me to call you a lucky bastard?"

He looked at Ootono as if he was asking for his consent.

Nazumi also ignored Unno.

"The good is the good... I think that the "explosion of desire to build a new time" that I sustained caused the "Slate" to react. It is also said that the other "Kings" are the reason for his mental image."

He looked at Ootono as if asking for an answer.

Ootono himself did not react to any of them. Or rather, he didn't know how to react and remained silent. Originally, he had no intention of being this close to them, nor did he intend to have a complicated conversation.

Right after he helped them to escape from that "nothing".

Before he knew it, he was able to use the mysterious mist, guiding the group to where "Kirinoichi" was, which he had established nearby.

He would hide them in that hiding place until he was sure the "nothing" that was crawling around was gone. But he had nothing else to do with it.

With that thought in mind, he sat with his back against the city gate post (it was just a wooden stake left in the vacant lot), playing the accordion with a casual look on his face.

"Oh, Ni-san. Thank you for letting our boys escape."

"You are the "King" of the Gray Sword. Nice to meet you."

Ootono, who did not want to reveal his true identity, was shocked, but his legs did not have the strength to immediately escape. All he could do was remain seated and replied with a confused manner.

"Oh, why do you know?"

"Well, somehow."

"That's because everyone is a "King"."

The group that was supposed to let them pass also stopped around the three of them, so he had no choice but to lead them. It was out of desperation that he decided to spend the time waiting around the hot pot together.

As the townspeople prepared the pot, he received an explanation from Nazumi, and learned that he was apparently the "Grey King" Benji Ootono.

However, the impression...

(It's also quite pretentious.)

That's what it meant.

Regardless of the facts, Ootono thought that his capacity (what he could do, what he wanted to do, what he could hold, and what he wanted to retain) was "very small."

Even if he knew it was just a title, it was terrifying. He couldn't even think it was a joke to stand shoulder to shoulder with youngsters who could boast of themselves as "Kings", let alone fight against anything.

For him, the mist was not a weapon of war. All he needed was a modest fence to protect the people who connected their days here in "Kirinoichi".

The young people treated Ootono as something normal.

"What about that "mental image"? It's a story that neither I nor this Ni-san knew about."

"That's not enough, so I'm going to explain. I hope you don't break the story."

He rushed into the refereeing of the gaze.

"Ok, ok, you two."

It wasn't his style at all.

After thinking about it, Ootono rethought:

(Is that so?)

Suddenly, he remembered the old days when his voice and his body bounced, and he felt a pain in his chest.

Instead of a bitter smile, he asked with twitching cheeks.

"I have something to do with it too, you say?"

"Yeah, I wouldn't say it's irrelevant. That monster called "Black Cloak" is based on the same laws as us... it's one of the 'Kings' who was born according to some kind of mental image."

Hearing Nazumi's words, the movement of the chopsticks around the pot stopped for a moment.

Unno snorted and stuck his chopsticks into the pot, and the piece of carrot got caught.

"Eh, is that the same as me? What kind of joke is that?"

Nazumi dipped his chopsticks into the pot and found a piece of corned beef.

"You should also "somehow" understand that your power was absorbed. Judging by the passion in his voice, he also has a will. That... is someone..."

Okuma, who picked up a mochi-like object, and Suwako, who filled her mouth with potatoes, looked at the chief with a grim expression.

"A monster that eats people, is it a person?"

"It's scary that I couldn't put my fists through it."

"Don't worry, I'll beat you next time."

Groundlessly, but firmly, Unno promised.

Next to him, Colt was muttering to himself as he held a bowl that had piled up unnoticed (everyone was pushing stuff they didn't want to eat into the pot) in his hand.

"What we've dabbled in... how far away is the "King"... isn't it beyond human control?"

Chika, who bit into takuan, asked her husband with a sense of crisis.

"In other words, someone started targeting not only Hagure, but also the "King"... Do you have any plans to counter it?"

"No, nothing."

Nazumi reluctantly gave in to his wife, but it's not like there wasn't a plan.

"However, I believe that by exploring the mental image I mentioned earlier, we will be able to identify the characteristics of the "Black Cloak" monster and how to deal with it. So..."Grey King" Benji Ootono."

His gaze turned and he caught Ootono head on.

That force made Benji's big body cringe.

"What...?"

"You were able to lead our retreat. In other words, capture the movement of the "Black Cloak", right? If you don't mind, I'd like you to tell me the reason."

Nazumi took off his cap and bowed his head.

"What? After all you depend on Ni-san for that measures?"

Ootono gently accepted Unno's sarcasm.

"I don't care that much."

"Please."

Saying that, Nazumi took a calm listening stance.

Although he didn't want to follow his example, Unno's sheer interest silenced him.

Everyone's attention was focused on the circle of the pot.

Ootono flinched, his lips cramping as he prefaced.

"Because I'm like this... I can't speak fluently."

This time Chika bowed her head next to Nazumi.

"Take your time."

"......"

Even with such courtesy, Ootono began to speak.

"...This mist is like a part of me. It seems to be a convenient thing that I can sense the movement of the person who entered and confuse them."

Seeing is believing, the mist gathered on the bandaged palm, forming a ball of pure white.

In the air of astonishment, Nazumi analyzed the phenomenon.

"I see... So, the power of the "Grey King" is detection and disturbance?"

"Well, I wonder if that's what it is."

Nodding, Ootono literally scattered the ball in his hand.

"However, it must have been around autumn, on the edge of the mist... ''Musikui'' began to appear. It eats my mist as it passes, leaving holes in it."

"If it's like our "power", it'll eat anything..."

Unno remembered the feeling of being sucked in and clenched his fist.

Ootono nodded again.

"Every time I get bitten on the edge, I run away in a hurry, but... ''Musikui'' writhes all over Tokyo like a snake, so it's really scary to find it again and again."

Then he looked at the two young men.

"But tonight, I felt like a huge mass with great force was flowing into... I think it also felt the two of them collided."

"It tried swallowing us in a big chunk?"

"The first event, that happened today, was a clash between "Kings"...  the time when you woke up as a "King" but no sword appearance was seen, because that was nighttime?"

He slowly nodded three times.

"That's all I can say... Did I help you?"

Nazumi and Chika once again expressed their gratitude with a beautiful bow.

"More than enough information. Thank you for your cooperation."

"Thank you for taking the risk and helping us."

Ootono couldn't take it straight.

"Kindness, no."

He lowered his eyes as if he regretted it.

"What would happen to him if he ate a power as big as you two? I got scared, so I came to check on him. That's all."

Then, Unno spoke with a warm voice of goodwill.

"If that's all, don't bother saying "Come here, run away"."

"......!"

He raised Ootono's line of sight.

His eyes were a little more stern than his voice, but he was still smiling. If the other person hadn't been hurt, he could have hit their back.

Both Suwako and Okuma smiled, bowed their thick bodies, and thanked him.

"Well, actually, I was saved... Thank you."

"Don't forget your kindness."

Finally, after confirming the appearance of his subordinates, including "Ebisu no Kunizo", who seemed to be uncomfortable with other circles, Colt murmured something into his mouth.

Ootono, who couldn't stand the things that sprouted anymore, decided to separate.

"We are fine now... it seems to be gone."

"That's right, Gosso-san!"

"PAHN", making a sound and join his palms together, Unno stood up neatly without regretting any remnants.

Seeing that, the "Kagirohigumi" also left their seats.

In response, Chika said, "Fourth Legal Affairs Bureau.".

The Colt team also secretly tried not to stand out.

Finally, Nazumi stood up and handed over a business card.

"With your power, you should be able to deal with it, but if you have any problems, contact the "Fourth Legal Affairs Office" here. If you want, we can put you in public protection, along with the people who live here. Honestly, in a time when that is lurking, it is more dangerous to stay away."

Ootono received the business card, but did not stand up.

"Thank you."

While he was sitting, he slowly shook his head.

"But I... will protect these people who can only stay here."

No one denied the way of life of the "Grey King" there.

The mist melted in the morning sun.

They were released in an unknown open space.

As if waking up from a dream, or having passed through their throats, "Kagirohigumi" and the "Fourth Legal Affairs Bureau", who grasped the situation, immediately faced each other as if they were breathing. The "Red King" and the "Blue King" standing in front of each other also collided with each other's gazes.

But it did not lead to a confrontation.

It was a big problem for both sides to lose their tempers in the fog, but in this case, it was because there were people physically getting in the way between the two camps.

It was the Colt group sent from Nanakamado.

The tense tension lasted only a few seconds.

"Give up, don't."

"Ebisu no Kunizo" was the first to raise his voice and sit down.

Then the other people sat down one after another.

"I quit too."

"Oh, that's enough."

"Not worth it."

Some took off their characteristic coats before sitting down, others sat upright as if waiting for an intervention, and others went out into the open. All of them had lost their composure from the night before and have reverted to their original form, the bodyguards who run tricks on the outskirts of the city.

Among them, there was a person who was stunned.

The American who led them was Thomas Colt. The deep, wrinkled smile that still floated on his head gave him the impression that it was just that kind of shape, and he could tell at a glance that it was painful bravado.

Nazumi stepped away from the formation and stepped forward to speak.

"So, I'll take care of you here, ok?"

Colt was facing the day after tomorrow.

"Go ahead, as you wish. The losses due to the inability to counter the "King's" strength are within the assumptions of the plan. Nanakamado will switch to another option."

As he spoke fluently, he shrugged. His expression, particularly stern, was still distorted by the gloomy tone of his voice.

Nazumi guessed, but he didn't say anything and kept talking.

"Do you want me to send you back... to the commander who caused the disturbance, to the intelligence agency?"

"It would be troublesome if I, an American, were detained, right? Nanakamado is now politically cornered and has lost his composure... The "King" that they have been so afraid of for so long that they did not touch him..."

Colt looked at Unno.

"It's completely reckless, to the point of ramming him. On top of that, if they found out that I was also detained by the "Fourth Legal Affairs Bureau", it would be a nuisance to everyone and they would pull a lot of desperate tricks."

Unno, who received the gaze from him, caught the gist of the indirect conversation.

Colt wasn't threatening to escape alone.

Rather the opposite...

Thinking about it, Unno took a step closer to the person he was impressed with.

"Even if you go home, you won't be fine, Colt-san."

"Still, I can't help but go home."

His fake smile was mixed with a touch of genuine emotion.

“If someone who faced the situation had to report it in detail and make an appeal… as expected, we shouldn't interfere with the "King". And, above all, the danger of that "Seventh King"."

Seeing how determined he was, Unno smiled at the other person with the same level of depth, but with genuine emotion. He puffed out his chest and said proudly.

"Yes, then do your best."

"Thank you."

Colt put on his dirty floppy hat and gave a little bow.

Nazumi let out a breath.

"I wish you wouldn't decide for the two of us."

Unno looked at the rude person.

"Are you saying that you are against it?"

"No, Nanakamado is more likely to listen to Colt-san's explanation than a warning from us, a hostile organization."

"Then don't be stupid and useless."

"No matter what you do, confirmation is necessary."

Among them, Colt, who had a wry smile on his face, began to walk slowly.

"I'm sorry I wasted your time."

He sent his repentance through his back.

"I return to Nanakamado because, as an American who has awakened to power, I have nowhere to go. Because I work as an intelligence agent there, I am exempt from being mobilized for a spy war against the communist bloc...all my actions are of self-protection."

However, Unno does not tolerate condescension.

He patted his back as he left with a sonorous voice.

"You have a life in front of you to regret or burn it, you can do what you want."

Colt stopped for a moment.

"......"

However, he walked out into the morning sun without looking back.

Lastly, he lightly waved his hand in embarrassment.

A MAN WHO WANTS TO BECOME A CROCODILE.

Oh.

I will become a crocodile.

My mother told me and my brothers.

Crocodiles usually hide in the dark and deep bottom of the water.

Shut up and do nothing.

When it goes down, it floats to the surface and eats things around it.

Anything you can get your hands on.

When it is full, it sinks back to the bottom of the water and sleeps.

Shut up and do nothing.

Don't piss me off

Do not hurt me.

When he gets angry, he rages at the bottom of the water and summons a storm.

They're all screwed.

Due to his tenacity, when he suffers, he goes after the person who hurt him.

From sea to land, anywhere.

Don't piss me off

Do not hurt me.

That's why everyone is afraid to get close.

So I'll turn into a crocodile.

Silently, do nothing, eat your fill.

Additional poem info: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wani_(dragon)

[forabeatofadrum]

@cerriddwenluna replied to your post “got some news from home which my mind immediately...”:

Mostly dead or all dead?

​OKAY SO, y'all know my grandma died around a year ago. My grandma was a hoarder (affectionate). During her life, she collected glass perfume bottles. Now she's gone, and the family is left with thousands of perfume bottles. Thousands. I am not kidding. A lot of (wat de fuck is "nabestaanden" in het Engels?) nabestaanden have gotten some as a memory of her. I have four on my windowsill. We've sold some, cause throwing them away feels kind of wrong. As in, yeah, gran dead, let's kick out her life's work! So we sold some, because we'd rather make other collectors who can appreciate it happy. But, as my family has noticed after a year, daar is geen beginnen aan. Basically, throwing them away is really the easiest, but again, that feels bad. We have no use for them, but it really was her life's work, some of her most prized possessions.

(I have a fic-related point. Bear with me.)

Today I got the news that apparently a castle wants the perfume bottles. I do not know the details, so I don't know if my family is selling or donating, or if the castle wants all of them, or only a couple of hundred, but basically a castle wants them for a museum. They will display her name and present it in an exhibition and I may or may not have almost cried. The idea of having a woman's life work portrayed like that. She is dead, gone, deceased, and yet her work lives on. It is so insignificant on a large scale, yet still significant in its own way. Ever since my uncle died in 2020 and my grandma died in 2022 I have been thinking about legacy and what not, and how we have all these things, but how in a couple of years times, personal belongings of deceased people will be of value because they teach something about ordinary life. For example, I also inherited a book from my grandma. It was written in, I think, the 1860s and it is a dissertation on the first constitution of the Netherlands and I don't give a shit about law, but the fact that this man's dissertation ended up in my grandma's house and that I was able to find him online (geboorteakte, overlijdingsakte, you know) is spectacular. And that I was moved. That I was sad to see he died relatively young. And you may have heard that there's a exhibition on class photo's somewhere. I saw it on het Jeugdjournaal. You know, that kind of stuff? That really moves me. That I can go to an exhibition that displays stranger's belongings and that I can be moved by the thought that they were there, and that they mattered, and the fact that it's happening to my grandma... oh BOy.

And because I am me, and because I still use Klaine fanfiction as the way to express myself (I mean, I didn't write River fic for nothing), I came up with a fic idea of Kurt anno 2023 going to a fashion exhibition and there he finds a massive, massive bow tie collection from the (recently?) deceased B.D. Anderson and he is so moved in the way that I am moved that he is compelled to find out more about this B.D. Anderson. As in, the fic will express what I feel now, and how legacy is being held up, or how useless things can become meaningful as time passes. Basically how Kurt learns about Blaine's life. It starts by thinking: "Damn, who is this B.D. Anderson who collected a shit ton of bowties during his long life?" and how he becomes invested in this story, the same way I can get invested in learning about ordinary people who have died, in the same way someone might get invested in my grandma's life.

But, uh, yeah, Blaine is dead, totally fucking dead-dead, in this idea and if he weren't, then he'd still be way too fucking old for Kurt. Maybe this is going nowhere. Maybe I will find a way. Who knows. But that's what was on my mind.

[catdotjpeg]

Shin Godzilla (2016) dir. Hideaki Anno and Shinji Higuchi

Contains some spoilers.

Today marks the 77th anniversary of the u.s. bombing of Hiroshima. I’ve been reflecting a lot on it these days, mostly because of all the conversation around Oppenheimer. I didn’t set out to watch Shin Godzilla as a result of those conversations, or because of the date or anything like that, but I realized this morning that it ended up happening that way. 

I will say I went about this kind of funny– the first film I saw in Hideaki Anno’s Shin Japan Heroes Universe was Shin Kamen Rider, then Shin Ultraman, and finally Shin Godzilla– so with the exception of Evangelion 3.0+1.0 Thrice Upon a Time, which I have yet to see, I watched the series backwards. Because of this, some of the elements that Anno (and Shinji Higuchi) used in Shin Godzilla weren’t as surprising to me as they seemed to be to 2016 viewers because they’ve now become hallmarks of the SJHU films– namely the choice to use elements of the original 1954 Godzilla soundtrack. The integration of the original soundtracks has been one of my favorite aspects of the SJHU films, and it worked well for me here. Michael W. Harris has an interesting post on his blog, The Temp Track, comparing Shiro Sagisu’s work in this film to his work for the Evangelion series– I recommend reading it if you’re interested in that sort of thing, as my musical knowledge isn’t robust enough for me to say what I want to say about it. I originally thought that they used the 1954 roar for the entirety of the film, but when I was looking up information about it this morning, I learned that they only used it for Godzilla’s third form (dubbed Shinagawa-kun for his destruction of the Shinagawa ward)-- his fourth form (Kamakura-san) uses the higher pitched 1962-1975 roar. Maybe modern audiences are more familiar with the later roar, or perhaps it was a choice motivated by personal nostalgia on Higuchi and Anno’s parts. 

Modern depictions of Godzilla tend to favor a kaiju-fighting anti-hero Godzilla– a Godzilla that is fearsome, but respected, and can be maneuvered to fight against other more antagonistic monsters. The Godzilla we see in Shin Godzilla is not this. This Godzilla is a destructive, terrible, inescapable force. From the first moment that we see something explode out of the water, there’s an atmosphere of dread– or at least there was for me. Of course, much as the 1954 Godzilla came less than a decade after the atomic bombings of Hiroshima and Nagasaki, this film came less than a decade after the 2011 Tohoku earthquake and tsunami, and the simultaneous nuclear disaster in Fukushima. I’m sure that Japanese audiences knew exactly who the filmmakers were pointing at during sequences like the meetings-on-meetings, or the press conferences featuring politicians clad in blue jumpsuits. Ishiro Honda, the director of the 1954 Godzilla, is stated to have filmed Godzilla’s destruction of Tokyo to directly mirror the bombings on Hiroshima and Nagasaki. The scenes of boats piled on top of each other, or cars being flung apart as the road is ripped up beneath them, clearly evoke the destruction caused by the 3.11 earthquake and tsunami. (There’s an article on MyKaiju called “311 Motif in Shin Godzilla” where John Ruffin compares scenes from the film and images from the news.) I watched Shin Godzilla thinking about 2011, but also the consequences of global warming in the global south– particularly in places like the Philippines, where people are hit year after year by catastrophic typhoons– and of course, to a lesser degree, the ineffectual government response to the COVID-19 pandemic. 

Anyway, this isn’t to say that there aren’t moments of sympathy for Godzilla. It’s made clear that Godzilla exists as a result of environmental destruction– individual and state choices– and after the bombs are dropped, we hear the song “Who Will Know,” believed to be from Godzilla’s point of view. Of course, Godzilla never asked to become irradiated megafauna. 

I read from a few people that the depiction of the u.s. was somewhat unpopular with western audiences. I honestly thought that the depiction of the u.s. was quite generous considering … everything about the u.s. I was most interested in Kayoco Anne Patterson’s motivations– she enters the film as a fast-talking, clearly Asian American politician (suspend your disbelief for a second– her makeup in comparison to the makeup we see on some of the other women in the film is one of the best examples I’ve seen of Asian American versus Asian makeup styles) but about halfway through the film, she tearfully explains that her grandmother lived in Japan during the war and lived through the bombings. Although it isn’t the focus of the film, there’s an interesting conversation here about diaspora and their connection to their homelands. It’s this connection that guides her actions, even at the cost of potentially destroying her political career. 

Speaking of political careers, the protagonist, Rando Yaguchi, has a complex character arc. At the beginning of the film, he is one of the only characters willing to oppose the senior politicians’ belief that the explosion of steam in the ocean is not a threat. Throughout Shin Godzilla, we see him working tirelessly to protect his nation– at one point, his coworkers practically beg him to take a shower. His superior and mentor, Hideki Akasaka, believes for a moment that Yaguchi is motivated solely by a desire to further his political career, before understanding that Yaguchi truly wants to do what he sees as most effective to bring the Godzilla disaster to an end. This may not have been the intention, but there’s still something unsettling about Yaguchi’s character to me– even if we’re to believe he has the best intentions, and he does certainly seem to hesitate the least when it comes to doing what would save the greatest amount of people, he’s still a politician, and still needs to play the game. 

Finally, I was struck by a lack of criticism of the Self-Defense Force. They’re largely presented as a self-sacrificing body willing to do whatever it takes to protect the nation. I’m not sure if it’s because Japanese criticism of bureaucracy and the government had been happening for decades at this point, whereas popular criticism of the military generally ends at a broad anti-war sentiment, or maybe it was simply too complicated to fit in a critique of militarism in this situation. I’ll be the first to admit that as a Filipino, I have no shortage of criticism of the JSDF. There was a moment where my partner and I had the same reaction though: there’s a painting in the background of a scene where Yaguchi is talking to three JSDF officials depicting a handful of military helicopters flying in front of Mount Fuji, and after the scene ended, my partner and I both asked, “What was up with that painting??” 

Shin Godzilla is a dense, devastating film that warrants multiple watches. I’m sure I’ll have different takeaways the next time I watch it. (As it is, this is all I can remember because I forgot I wanted to take notes while watching. My bad!!!) 

I rented it on youtube and watched it in Japanese with English subs.

Here's a link to the original review on Letterboxd.

[stilllostinthedaydream]

Ho postato 1.972 volte nel 2022

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#i just saw it everywhere and i thought it would have been a good idea to watch the series and the cartoon and to read the books

I miei post migliori nel 2022:

#3

If you receive this, you make somebody happy! Go on anon and send this to ten of your followers who make you happy or somebody you think needs cheering up. If you get one back, even better! 🖤💞

This is so cute! Thank you 🥺🥺

0 note - Postate 2 dicembre 2022

#2

Hey, stranger 😘 3 and 12 for the end-of-year asks

3. Favorite musical artist / group you started listening to this year? Taemin. I have listened to the same few artists for years, so imagine my surprise when he got me invested.

12. Talk about a new friend you made this year. Mmm, it’s not actually a friend I’ve made this year, but we got real close a few months ago. I thought she was that kind of confident, bubbly person who’s always talking and making noise, but she’s actually insecure, very attentive. You could talk about anything without feeling judged. She’s really sweet and kind. (She’s also the biggest simp, I would have never imagined that).

Thanks 😘

Ask me some?

2 note - Postate 4 dicembre 2022

Il mio post numero 1 del 2022

tag mutuals you’d like to get to know better

Thanks @voxofthevoid for the tag 😘😘 (making a new post ‘cause I don’t really like when they get too long)

Favourite time of the year: spring 😌. Little birds start to come out again and it’s not too hot. It’s perfect for lazy days.

Comfort food: pizza (duh)

Favourite dessert: fetta al latte or cannoli

Things you collect: failures probably. In all seriousness, I don’t really collect anything if not museum’s tickets and plushies maybe?

Favourite drink: hot: coffee, cold: tea

Favourite musical artist: absolute favourite is paramore, but right now I’m really into taemin

Last song you listened to: 2 kids by taemin

Last movie you watched: I haven’t seen a movie in so long I can’t even remember. Maybe fresh?

Last series you watched: I’ve just finished the sandman on my own and bad buddy with my twin

Series you’re currently watching: rewatching the untamed ‘cause my finger slipped the other day, it wasn’t my fault. And Love between fairy and devil

Current obsession: K-pop and bls to be honest. It really opened up a new world to me

Dream place to visit: don’t really have a dream place, I just know where I wouldn’t want to set foot, ever

A place you want to visit again: florence

Something you want: too many things and nothing all at once to be honest

Currently working on: Latin exam 🫠

Tagging @lilyinthesnow and @tutifaitroppiproblemi if you want

2 note - Postate 2 settembre 2022

Guarda ora l'Analisi del tuo anno 2022 di Tumblr →

[ericleo108]

Heavy Hitters

05/17/2024 Click here for Spotify, Apple Music, or Youtube. “Heavy Hitters” is my 77th official release and my 119th track published. This 3-track EP features KRS-One, Gucci Mane, and Snoop Dogg. This is hardcore rap with an intellectual vibe. The Snoop feature was supposed to be on the Westside Connection album but I had such a hard time uploading these to my distributor, so this is how it turned out.  The beats and features are all from Anno Domini. The entire project was produced by Keyano and the cover art is by Gigzlogo from Fiverr.

I talk about this blog post and other updates in the latest Sunday update here:

Lyrics

Real Hip-Hop

I wanna leave this place

I can't believe this place

My father, he's a waste

My mother, she's on base

My brother, he caught him a case

My sister, got cut in her face

My auntie, she's a disgrace

My cousins, the paper they chase

No love and just hate

Two hour hospital waits

Even when you vomit and shake

It's gotta be fake

Man, the cops clock us

Like them things on our wrist

I'm supposed to live like this?

It's getting thick

I'm thinking about taking a trip

Where?

Anywhere but here

Prison, army, anywhere but there

I want some new shoes to wear

I wanna walk past all these cats

Asking what you doing here

You know what I'm doing here

I'm taking my last look at what

I don't ever ever wanna become

Yeah

On the block everyday I fuss

Guns Bust

I need to hop that greyhound bus

Cause when everyone you say you trust

Turns on you

You know what to do

Me and Krs one got it locked for sho 

All that other fake frontin shit gots to go

I don’t give a care if they think your hot

You ain’t real, you ain’t hip hop

I said

Me and Krs one got it locked for sho 

All that other fake frontin shit gots to go

I don’t give a care if they think your hot

You ain’t real, you ain’t hip hop

I feel like Lil Dirk, singing all my life

Ain’t nothing been promised but the thought I might die

If you feel that way, I’m here to help you find

Yourself and how to have clarity of mind

Cops are beating the needy

Killing and bigotry 

Now it’s a tragedy 

For it to happen in the city

It used to be just blacks

Now it’s the entire middle class

Where housing is in crisis

Healthcare is a life sentence

Of debt like tuition

For college for your children

I’m here for the people

You gots to listen

Tell me it’s not the system

When the money’s been given

To the richest while blaming

The poor for the way it went

And I know I’ll make it

Cuz I won’t give up

They gon live with what they did to us

The people, we ain’t gonna stand for lies

We stand for rights

We just wanna live before we die

Me and Krs one got it locked for sho 

All that other fake frontin shit gots to go

I don’t give a care if they think your hot

You ain’t real, you ain’t hip hop

Me and Krs one got it locked for sho 

All that other fake frontin shit gots to go

I don’t give a care if they think your hot

You ain’t real, you ain’t hip hop

No one will save you, look within

Pray to the sun and the earth to bring your wish

If you need a god, look to yourself

Command your environment, use science to help

I’ll tell you what they don’t teach in school

And all the learning you need to do

You need three things to think for you

First the scientific method will lead you to the truth

Second, learn how to tectonically troubleshoot

It’s important to develop skills with tools

And the third is learning to run a business good

Capitalism creates scarcity though there’s abundance if you look

So this for the wealthy who been robbing the soil 

From housing to the chemicals being forever deployed 

Your creating a world that will hate your voice

And make you pay for your selfish choice

Whatcha gonna do when they're not proud of where they came from?

Whatcha gonna do when they make you pay for the pollution?

What you gonna do when they take away your agency?

What you gonna do when they make you pay for all your greed?

Use tort law, make restitutions

Rightly view you as a nuisance 

Take your property 

And make it an annuity

That changes to sustainably

Paying for our pertinent needs

Me and Krs one got it locked for sho 

All that other fake frontin shit gots to go

I don’t give a care if they think your hot

You ain’t real, you ain’t hip hop

Me and Krs one got it locked for sho 

All that other fake frontin shit gots to go

I don’t give a care if they think your hot

You ain’t real, you ain’t hip hop

Get That Bag

Full of bad bitches, y'all niggas and G's

My enemies be on my dick, they look like groupies to me

My bad, that's your girlfriend, then why she leaving with me?

We ain't dated but a week but still she gave me a key (gave me a key)

I seen your homeboy picture, man, a gram of the three

I told him count them bands up, I gotta sell me a key (sell me a key)

And even though you see me MTV Jam of the Week

I got the stupidest rich game a nigga ever done seen

I got the kangaroo money, 'bout to jump off my jeans

I call a hundred thousand dollars, I was just in my timbs

NBA money, nigga, this just one of my rings

You say your nigga gettin' money, that ain't no money to me

Make them stacks

Break down them racks

Make  your money back, Do the math,

Invest in rap, get paid ASCAP 

Invest in that, and get that bag

Make them stacks

Break down them racks

Make your money back, Do the math,

Invest in rap, get paid ASCAP 

Invest in that, and get that bag

Don’t want nothing but cash

And a pound of the gas

Those diamonds and hash

Moon rocks and green crack

If it ain’t THC, then it ain’t for me

We gonna put um out of business

With these dispensaries 

Drugs lords can’t compete

When their profits aren’t as steep

Take away their motivation see

Cuz money is their agency

They’d rather use the rico laws

On these fellas try’na make it large

We could regulate instead of charge

With crimes for just playin the part

Of what not allow America stupid

Or we’d legalize the lucrative

Tax and how they move it 

That would bring down the deposit

And stop the money from profits

Cuz criminals won’t be stopped with 

Prohibition economics

Dope boy would be nonviolent

If he could protect what he’s got with

A phone to call the cops with

But disenfranchised the process

So Make them stacks

Break down them racks

Make your money back, do the math,

Invest in rap, get paid ASCAP 

Invest in that, and get that bag

We don’t want no snitches no

We don't want no bitch’n no

We just wanna push some dope

So we look’n for dem real ones yo

We don’t want no snitches no

We don't want no bitch’n no

We just wanna push some dope

So we look’n for dem real ones yo

So Make them stacks

Break down them racks

Make your money back, do the math,

Invest in rap, get paid ASCAP 

Invest in that, and get that bag

Make them stacks

Break down them racks

Make your money back, do the math,

Invest in rap, get paid ASCAP 

Invest in that, and get that bag

Snoop feature - what chu want

Have you ever heard the theory that the planets

 and stars are conscious due to their magnetism?

I’m talking bout how the Earth is a cosmic spaceship propelled by the sun 

And communicates with telepathic randonauting and points of realization

You know what never mind 

What you talkin' 'bout dawg?

What you mean, lil' homie?

Play the post when you ball

All these niggas up on me

How you keep that baby face, and how you keep it so fresh?

And how you keep it look like a beacon, wish I was like that fresh

Hard times, flat lines

Stay in my lane, you see

Boxed in, but I boxed out

Niggas don't wanna box with me

Don't billy coze, don't break the rules, just stay true to this shit

Stay bopin', dopin', with the top open and the cool nuts from the city Oakland

Gotta new album, cop it

Snoop and I, got this

We do that chronologic

Only boxin we gon do, hot boxin

Coast to coast

Oakland knows

From there to Myrtle Beach

Is home

Roll a half an ounce to this

Bounce with this

And now we lit 

Everything I do is new, put it to rest

I Produce these songs like what generation next

Eat these beats and align the specs

And That’s why they call me era fresh

Like a Taylor Swift tour

I wanna be Christian like Dior 

and leave’um devoid 

Of just thinking it’s soil

Cuz The dynamo rolling

MDMA for the Coldren

Cookin up, dollin

Out that dope shit

I said in Bump This Banger

Gaia’s west coast is badass

Pyroclastic

With Fluid dynamics

My lexicon is erratic

Didactic, enthusiastic

Hot like capsaicin

With a sea of knowledge like Caspian

The medicine like aspirin

Got that shit like a laxative

Snoop wanna box like Cassius 

But I’m more of a pacifist

I stick in their mind, attractive

Like placentas with plastic

They’re envious and vapid

While I shock, anaphylactic 

Gotta new album, cop it

Snoop and I, got this

We do that chronic logic

Only boxin we gon do, hot boxin

Coast to coast

Oakland knows

From there to Myrtle beach

Is home

Roll an ounce to this

Bounce with this

Wear your all-black diamonds to counseling 

Everything I do is new, put it to rest

I produce these songs like what generation next

Eat these beats and align the specs

And that’s why they call me era fresh

I should act like the cops that America has

Protect capitalist and their slaves like cash

I pulled them over cuz I can,

Cuz They’re DWB, driving while black 

Yes we think we’re right and free

while we can’t afford anything 

Yes we love our country 

Though it serves Corporate entity

Yes we give the cops respect

Because they kill more than protect

Yes we understand the debt

And spend our children’s future rent

If it’s between the southerners

And standing with my brothers

Put me on death row

And you’ll see how I does it

How am I so different than the ones that you find a rival

The time you spend in your environment 

Was hostile for your survival

Would done the same thing in the position

If the conditions are compiled

See abuse is just a cycle that the community can stifle

I got love for you cousin

I hope you feel it come’n

Leave you with abundance

To help your family function

Got a new album, cop it

Snoop and I, got this

We do that chronic logic

Only boxin we gon do, hot boxin

Coast to coast

Oakland knows

From there to Myrtyl Beach

Is home

Roll an ounce to this

Bounce with this

Wear your all-black diamonds to counseling

Everything I do is new, put it to rest

I produce these songs like what generation next

Eat these beats and align the specs

And that’s why they call me era fresh

I’ll do my best to give my take and

Try to say it plane and gracious

A perspective that is educated

But still, be accused of appropriation

Culture vulture, guess I’m wack

If it means whites understand the facts

the perspective and narrative that affects

the racist history against the blacks

I guess I should be more like Candace Owens

Whip up that propaganda potion

I don’t know why they liked being oppressed

Like Kanye said, blacks could of revolted and left

Yes we think we’re right and free

while we can’t afford anything 

Yes we love our country 

Though it serves the Corporate entity

Yes we give the cops respect

Because they kill more than protect

Yes we understand the debt

And spend our children’s future rent

Got a new album, cop it

Snoop and I, got this

We do that chronic logic

Only boxin we gon do, hot boxin

Coast to coast

Oakland knows

From there to Myrtle Beach

Is home

Roll an ounce to this

Bounce with this

Wear your all-black diamonds to counseling

Everything I do is new, put it to rest

I Produce these songs like what generation next

Eat these beats and align the specs

And that’s why they call me era fresh

[sidmjkgc]

Here's a lovely example of what it's like to be female presenting or a woman in a chatroom in Italy right now:

(all under the cut 'cause it's awful - cw misogyny and racism and violence)

Original text:

Puttana privilegiata, approfittatrice e vittimista! Parassita e vigliacca! Buona festa della violenza sulle cagne! Lo sai che almeno i primi ostaggi liberati questo mese dai palestinesi e dagli israeltani sono quasi tutti femmine ? Chissà come mai ? Per caso, la vita di una femmina vale di più di quella di un uomo ? Bel privilegio che avete ! Qua non manifestate contro il patriarcato, vero ? Non dite niente; rimanete nel vostro vigliacco silenzio ! E, al telegiornale,non dite neanche: "liberate le ostagge e gli ostaggi, telespettatrici e telespettatori"; in questo caso, vi conviene vigliaccamente dire: "liberati gli ostaggi", così da nascondere il privilegio di cui godete solo voi femmine ! Siete solo delle piccole galline invertebrate senza dignità ... delle parassite vigliacche senza spina dorsale ... Lo sai che, ogni anno, negli stati uniti, si suicidano, per la disperazione, 70 femmine di merda come te solo per aver subìto un banale stupro ? Poverine, non sopportano l'onta di essersi fatte usare senza prima essere state pagate ... Questa è pulizia di genere ! In questo modo, non c'è neanche bisogno di sprecare pallottole o Zyklon B ! Per eliminare queste parassite, basta un orgasmo che, una volta tanto, sono loro a pagare, sacrificando da sole la loro inutile vita! Voglio vedervi tutte appese a una croce, con le gambe spalancate e una lancia conficcata in quel vostro lurido buco!!!

Google translation, 'cause I refuse to actually put the work in:

Privileged whore, exploiter and victimizer! Parasite and coward! Happy Bitch Violence Day! Did you know that at least the first hostages freed this month by the Palestinians and Israelis are almost all females? Who knows why? By any chance, is the life of a female worth more than that of a man? What a privilege you have! You don't demonstrate against patriarchy here, do you? Don't say anything; remain in your cowardly silence! And, on the news, don't even say: "free the hostages, male and female viewers"; in this case, it is better for you to cowardly say: "free the hostages", so as to hide the privilege that only you females enjoy! You are just little invertebrate chickens without dignity... cowardly parasites without a spine... Do you know that every year in the United States, 70 shitty females like you commit suicide out of desperation just for having suffered a banal rape? Poor things, they can't bear the shame of letting themselves be used without first being paid... This is gender cleansing! This way, you don't even have to waste bullets or Zyklon B! To eliminate these parasites, an orgasm is enough which, for once, they are the ones who pay for, sacrificing their useless life themselves! I want to see you all hanging on a cross, with your legs wide open and a spear stuck in that filthy hole of yours!!!

---

I didn't wanna post this, but he decided to write me again with the same copy-and-paste text, for like the fourth (more?) time and so... Here we are, now you too can read it.

In the past couple of months there's been a debate in Italy about adding Comprehensive Sexuality Education lessons in school since we do not have it at the moment, but let's face it: everything's fine and we don't need it, right? Right?! I'm so tired.

[sayitaliano]

30+1 days Challenge w/ @lovelybluepanda

Everyday this month (May 2022), me and @lovelybluepanda will share our personal finds and opinions on a specific subject we decided beforehand. You can join us too in the comments or simply by tagging us in your post!

DAY 1 - MEDICINE

"Baby, did you forget to take your meds?". This is my first thought on this subject. Meds by Placebo. Yeah. I have a song for whatever.

I have a very weird relationship with medicine: I like it, it intrigues me, but it also makes me uncomfortable. Maybe cause I had to take meds for a while in my life (and I still have to take some, especially because I'm allergic to whatever). Maybe cause my great-uncle wanted me to follow his steps and choose Medicine at the University. But I couldn't. It's not for me.

Medicine has been used since when the very first human communities were created: women were searching herbs to cure the infirms. Moving to the Ancient Mesopotamia, the Hammurabi Code holds the responsabilities of a doctor and also the punishments written in 13 clauses. You know, this means it's a big deal. And what to say about the Hippocratic Oath? Hippocrates has been the first to separate medicine from its religious and magical correlation (in the past, it was believed that illnesses were God-sent as a punishment for something people had done), making it a more rational science. And you really have to mean your vow, when you pronounce it. And it's getting harder these days, isn't it? Cause of all that is going on (but my problem is not about this... it's just that that's not my call: I do believe one has to feel a call whe it comes to their career, especially for this type of careers in which you have to have the will and guts to take care of others, no matter what).

BTW did you know there's an Italian village called "Medicina" (=medicine) near Bologna?

And knowing this, how cool is to think that, according to Bynum (History of Medicine Professor), exactly in Bologna, has been made one of the first dissections in Europe (1315, followed by one in Spain and another in Austria)? Still, dissections didn't become a routine until the XVI Century. Kinda cool news, right? Yes, probably a little too much. Sorry.

E ora un pochino di italiano: il corso universitario di Medicina e Chirurgia dura 6 anni, e prevede un test d'ingresso di cultura generale (molto generale, almeno fino ad alcuni anni fa, da quanto mi hanno detto amici ed amiche che lo hanno fatto). Molte matricole (gli iscritti al primo anno), svengono assistendo alla prima autopsia, e i ragazzi degli altri anni devono portarle fuori.

[kaile-hultner]

Nihilism is so easy, which is why we need to kill it

(I initially published this here a couple weeks ago.)

So last night it dawned on me that, after over two years of being relatively symptom-free, my depression snuck back up on me and has taken over. It’s still pretty mild in comparison to other times I’ve been stuck in the hole, but after 24 months (and more) of mostly being good to go, I can tell that it’s here for a hot minute again.

How do I know? Well, it might be the fact that I spent more time sleeping during my recent vacation from work than I did just about anything else, and how it’s suddenly really hard for me to stay awake during work hours. I don’t really have an appetite, and in fact nausea hits me frequently. I don’t really have any emotional reactions to things outside of tears, even when tears aren’t super appropriate to the situation (like watching someone play Outer Wilds for the first time). And I’ve been consuming a lot of apocalyptic media, to which the only response, emotional or otherwise, I can really muster is “dude same.”

For a long time I was huge into absurdist philosophy, because it felt to my depressed brain like just the right balance between straight up denying that things are bad (and thus we should fix them, or at least try to do so) and full-blown nihilism. This gives absurdism a lot of credit; mostly it’s just a loose set of spicy existentialist ideas and shit that sounds good on a sticker, like “The only way to deal with an unfree world is to become so absolutely free that your very existence is an act of rebellion.”

In the last couple years, while outside of my depressive state, I went back to Camus’ work and found a lot of almost full-on abusive shit in it. Not toward anyone specifically, but shit like “nobody and nothing will care if you’re gone, so live out of spite of them all” rubs me the wrong way in retrospect. The philosophy Camus puts out opens the door for living in a very self-destructive fashion; that in fact the good life is living without care for yourself or anyone/anything else. The way Camus describes and derides suicide especially is grim as fuck, and certainly I would never recommend The Myth of Sisyphus to anyone currently struggling with ideation. That “perfect balance” between denial and nihilism is really not that perfect at all, and in fact skews much more heavily towards the latter.

Neon Genesis Evangelion has been a big albatross around my neck in terms of the media products I’ve consumed in my life that I believe have influenced my depression hardcore. It sits in a similar conversational space to Camus’ work, in that it confronts nihilism and at once rejects and facilitates it. A lot of folks remark that Evangelion is pretty unique – or at least uncommon – in its accurate portrayal of depression, especially for mid-90s anime properties. The thing I notice always seems to be missing in these discussions is that along with that accurate portrayal comes a spot-on – to me, at least – depiction of what depression does to resist being treated. This is a disease that uses a person’s rational faculties to suggest that nobody else could possibly understand their pain, and therefore there’s no use in getting better or moving forward. Shinji Ikari is as self-centered as Hideaki Anno is as I am when it comes to confronting the truth: there are paths out of this hole, but nobody else can take that step out but us, and part of our illness is that refusal to do just that. Depression lies, it provides a cold comfort to the sufferer, that there is no existence other than the one where we are in pain and there is no way out, so pull the blanket up over our head and go back to sleep.

Watching Evangelion for the first time corresponded with the onset of one of the worst depressive spirals I’ve ever been in, and so, much like the time I got a stomach virus at the same time that I ate Arby’s curly fries, I kind of can’t associate Evangelion with anything else. No matter what else it might signify, no matter what other meaning there is to derive from it, for me Eva is the Bad Feeling Anime™. Which is why, naturally, I had to binge all four of the Evangelion theatrical releases upon the release of Evangelion 3.0+1.0 Thrice Upon A Time last month.

If Neon Genesis Evangelion and End of Evangelion are works produced by someone with untreated depression just fucking rawdogging existence, then the Eva movies are works produced by someone who has gone to therapy even just one fucking time. Whether that therapy is working or not is to be determined, but they have taken that step out of the hole and are able to believe that there is a possibility of living a depression-free life. The first 40 minutes or so of Evangelion 3.0+1.0 are perfect cinema to me. The world is destroyed but there is a way to bring it back. Restoration and existence is possible even when the surface of the planet might as well be the surface of the Moon. The only thing about this is, everyone has to be on board to help. Even though WILLE fired one of its special de-corefication devices into the ground to give the residents of Village 3 a chance at survival, the maintenance of this pocket ecosystem is actively their responsibility. There is no room or time for people who won’t actively contribute, won’t actively participate in making a better world from the ashes of the old.

There are a lot of essentialist claims and assumptions made by the film in this first act about how the body interacts with the social – the concept of disability itself just doesn’t seem to have made it into the ring of safety provided by Misato and the Wunder, which seems frankly wild to me, and women are almost singularly portrayed in traditionalist support roles while men are the doers and the fixers and the makers. I think it’s worth raising a skeptical eyebrow at this trad conservative “back to old ways” expression of the post-apocalypse wherever it comes up, just as it’s important to acknowledge where the movie pushes back on these themes, like when Toji (or possibly Kensuke) is telling Shinji that, despite all the hard work everyone is doing like farming and building, the village is far from self-sufficient and will likely always rely on provisions from the Wunder.

As idyllic as the setting is, it’s not the ideal. As Shinji emerges from his catatonia, Kensuke takes him around the village perimeter. It’s quiet, rural Japan as far as the eye can see, but everywhere there are contingencies; rationing means Kensuke can only catch one fish a week, all the entry points where flowing water comes into the radius of the de-corefication devices have to be checked for blockages because the water supply will run out. There is a looming possibility that the de-corefication machines could break or shut down at some point, and nobody knows what will happen when that happens. On the perimeter, lumbering, pilot-less and headless Eva units shuffle around; it is unknown whether they’re horrors endlessly biding their time or simply ghosts looking to reconnect to the ember of humanity on the other side of the wall. Survival is always an open question, and mutual aid is the expectation. Still: the apocalypse happened, and we’re still here. The question Village 3 answers is “what now?” We move on, we adapt.

Evangelion is still a work that does its level best to defy easy interpretation, but the modern version of the franchise has largely abandoned the nihilism that was at its core in the 90s version. It’s not just that Shinji no longer denies the world until the last possible second – it’s that he frequently actively reaches out and is frustrated by other people’s denials. He wants to connect, he wants to be social, but he’s also burdened with the idea that he’s only good to others if he’s useful, and he’s only useful if he pilots the Eva unit. This last movie separates him and what he is worth to others (and himself) from his agency in being an Eva pilot, finally. In doing so, he’s able to reconcile with nearly everyone in his life who he has harmed or who has hurt him, and create a world in which there is no Evangelion. While this ending is much more wishful thinking than one more grounded in the reality of the franchise – one that, say, focuses on the existence and possible flourishing of Village 3 and other settlements like it while keeping one eye on the precarious balancing act they’re all playing – it feels better than the ending of End of Eva, and even than the last two episodes of the original series.

I’m glad the nihilism in Evangelion is gone, for the most part. I’m glad that I didn’t spend roughly eight hours watching the Evamovies only to be met yet again with a message of “everything is pointless, fuck off and die.” Because I’ve been absorbing that sentiment a lot lately, from a lot of different sources, and it really just fuckin sucks to hear over and over again.

It is a truth we can’t easily ignore that the confluence of pandemic, climate change, authoritarian surge and capitalist decay has made shit miserable recently. But the spike in lamentations over the intractability of this mix of shit – the inevitability of our destruction, to put it in simpler terms – really is pissing me off. No one person is going to fix the world, that much is absolutely true, but if everyone just goes limp and decides to “123 not it” the apocalypse then everyone crying about how the world is fucked on Twitter will simply be adding to the opening bars of a self-fulfilling prophesy.

We can’t get in a mech to save the world but then, neither realistically could Shinji Ikari. What we can do looks a lot more like what’s being done in Village 3: people helping each other with limited resources wherever they can.

Last week, Hurricane Ida slammed into the Gulf Coast and churned there for hours – decimating Bayou communities in Louisiana and disrupting the supply chain extensively – before powering down and moving inland. Last night the powerful remnants of that storm tore through the Northeast, causing intense flooding. Areas not typically affected by hurricanes suddenly found themselves in a similar boat – pun not intended – to folks for whom hurricanes are simply a fact of life. There’s a once-in-a-millennium drought and heatwave ripping through the West Coast and hey – who can forget back in February when Oklahoma and Texas experienced -20 degree temperatures for several days in a row? All of this against the backdrop of a deadly and terrifying pandemic and worsening political climate. It’s genuinely scary! But there are things we can do.

First, if you’re in a weather disaster-prone area, get to know your local mutual aid organizations. Some of these groups might be official non-profits; one such group in the Louisiana area, for example, is Common Ground Relief. Check their social media accounts for updates on what to do and who needs help. If you’re not sure if there’s one in your area, check out groups like Mutual Aid Disaster Relief for that same information. Even if you’re not in a place that expects to see the immediate effects of climate change, you should still consider linking up with organizing groups in your area. Tenant unions, homeless organizations, safe injection sites and needle exchanges, immigrant rights groups, environmental activist orgs, reproductive health groups – all could use some help right now, in whatever capacity you might be able to provide it.

In none of these scenarios are we going to be the heroes of the story, and we shouldn’t view this kind of work in that way. But neither should we give into the nihilistic impulse to insist upon doing nothing, insist that inaction is the best course of action, and get back under the blankets for our final sleep. Kill that impulse in your head, and fuck, if you have to, simply just fucking wish for that better world. Then get out of bed and help make it happen.

[zeph-can-do-it]

My Favorite Latin Phrases (Pt.2)

Hi there amazing people! 

How are all of you? How is the quarantine affecting you? Did you do something new? It’s ok if you didn’t, because neither did I (high five!)

Remember when I made a post about my favorite Latin phrases, and couldn’t stop drooling over them??? Yes, and you all loved it too.

So here I am with a new loveable list. I learnt some new Latin phrases and couldn’t help share it with you guys.

Here we go:

adsum

I am here  (cause’ why not?)

quis leget haec?

who will read this?  (you of course.)

alterius non sit qui suus esse potest

let no man be another’s who can be his own.  (IMPRINT THIS ON YOUR MINDS!!!)

amor et melle et felle est fecundissimus

love is rich with both honey and venom  (I can see a cursed lover saying it with a sigh, while hunched on his stack of poetry.)

bibere veneum in auro

to drink poison from a golden cup  (I think this one is similar to ‘not everything that glitters is gold.’, you know how someone beautiful can be crappy too?)

audi, vide, sile

listen, look, and be silent  (my absolute favorite!)

vita brevis est, licet supra mille annos exeat 

life is short, even if it go on longer than a thousand years.   (found this on some blog, called Bestiaria Latina Blog. But we all can relate to it, right?)

lux brumalis

the light of winter  (this is hitting me in the guts. Because I can never be ungrateful for the sunlight in winter. It’s one of the most soothing things of this cold weather.)

ducunt volentum fata, nolentum trahunt

the fates lead the willing and drag the unwilling  (this hits hard.)

ad honorem

for the honor   (I’m gonna create a fictional military world similar to Attack on Titan, and would make this as some kind of symbol for their national flag. Don’t laugh. I’m absolutely serious.)

si vis amari ama

if you want to be loved, love.  (simple as that.)

est quaedam flere voluptas

there is a certain pleasure in weeping  (where are my dark academia buddies at?)

causa latet, vis est notissima

the cause is hidden, but the result is well known  (they don’t see your hard work, they only see the result. I wonder if any other language have some version of this phrase.)

fiat lux

let there be light  (stop hating each other. Let there be light in your hearts.)

odi et amo

I hate and I love  (another cursed lover.)

qui totum vult totum perdit

he who wants everything loses everything  (a harsh thing written in such beautiful words.)

caveat emptor

let the buyer beware

pro bono 

done without charge

terra incognita

unknown land  (heard this one a long time ago but never knew it was Latin.)

abyssus abyssum invocat

deep calls unto deep   (same as how this Latin is calling my inner writer who might be Sylvia Plath reincarnated.) 

veni, vidi, vici

I came, I saw, I conquered   (WHOM DID THEY ATTRIBUTE IT TO???!!! I want to know the history of all these three-word proverbs, they are killing me.)

ergo dum me diligis

so long as you love me   (, I wouldn’t love anyone else. But as soon as you show me your back, you are on the top of my to-be-killed-soon list. Let’s just hope this is the complete proverb.)

dulce periculum

danger is sweet   (dude, what kind of Ocean’s 11 thing is this?)

natura non constristatur

nature is not saddened   (it is, honey, it is.)

tempus fugit

time flies

And finally, to give you a bit of motivation,

carpe diem

seize the day 

I’ll be super glad if you add more to the list. Not only Latin but any other language is welcome. 

Let’s share and spread love of languages!!! 

[pearl-pilots-in-chains]

Ice Cream Expertise (All the Little Lights #1)

Fandom: Neon Genesis Evangelion

Ships: Kawoshin

Rating: G

Summary: Shinji is faced with a dilemma of sorts, and is characteristically indecisive. Fortunately, Kaworu is there to give some helpful advice. Or maybe just call himself an ice cream expert. Let's be honest, it's a bit of both.

Notes: This is intended to be the start to All the Little Lights, my attempt at a relatively happy Evangelion high school AU featuring the pilots we know (and maybe love) actually getting to live a normal life (including all the cute gay romance they deserve). That said, it also works totally fine as a one shot. Considering it's an AU, there's going to be some rather interesting deviations from canon, some of which are alluded to here. So, if something seems off, that's probably because it is.

As usual, any errors, grammatical or typographical, are mine. I apologize in advance.

This was originally posted to my old AO3 on May 21, 2020. I hope you enjoy it!

_________________________________________________________

Shinji Ikari was not having a good day. No, perhaps that was an understatement. He was having a distinctly bad day. School had been tedious to say the least, considering that testing week was approaching, and the teachers seemed to be doing their best to “prepare” the students using every form of academic torture known to humankind. Okay, perhaps that was a bit of an exaggeration, but it had been a hectic hell all the same. Not to mention the fact that his best friend Touji was going through a rough patch (not the first one, mind you), with his girlfriend Hikari, which led to a tense mood within their friend group outside of class as well. Adding onto this was the fact that he was getting worried about his sister (what wasn’t new?) Rei, who had been especially quiet the past week or so, even by her standards. That was usually a sign that her depression was going through a rough spot. He had wanted to mention something to his mother about it, considering she usually had better luck at getting through to Rei than he did when his sister was going through a difficult time, but unsurprisingly, he hadn’t gotten around to it yet. He was gone too often, and his mother was gone too often. There was all of a one to two hour period when they were both home and awake on any given night. Rei always ending up alone probably doesn’t help her state of mind improve either. I wish she had more friends. People she could connect with.

And, of course, to top all that wonderful baggage off, he had had work after school, which had gone lovely. Just lovely. A simply wonderful group of customers had come in, and stayed for a better part of three hours, ordering intermittently while they all talked (way too loudly, in his opinion) at their shared table, which, in a predictable move, they hadn’t even bothered to clean off. He was a barista, not a waiter, despite what some people seemed to think. To make matters worse, they had been laughing so hard partway through their “discussion,” that one of the party had practically flung her iced latte through the air by accident (how someone could do that by accident, was a whole other topic for conversation), sending its contents flying halfway across the room (in a bafflingly impressive display, he had to admit, as irritating as it was). Of course, he had drawn the short straw and been the one tasked with cleaning it up. His boss seemed to get a special satisfaction out of giving Shinji all the “fun,” jobs. Okay, maybe Mr. Anno’s not that bad, but he still gets a kick out of watching me suffer. Or something like that.

Shinji sighed as he pulled his car into the store parking spot. As he exited it, he glanced down at his phone. 7:16. That meant he should have enough time to get home and get dinner going before his mother got home. These days, it seemed as though she worked progressively later and later. It had been a couple months since she’d been home before 8. She was almost certainly still out at the base at that moment. Whatever project she’s working on now is one of the more intensive ones.

He headed for the doors. He was planning on making stir fry, which meant that he needed to get soy sauce for sure, since he knew they had run out from the last time. He thought they had most of the rest of what he needed at home. So, this should be a quick run. Just in and out. After a day like today though, he was tempted to grab something sweet. Come on, after this whole mess, I think I at least half deserve something to take my mind off of it. Just a little.

Inside, he made a bee line for the condiments aisle. Alright, first things first. Get what I need. Then, maybe, I’ll just check out what they have. He grabbed soy sauce, and then wavered for a moment, trying to decide just for what he was in the mood. Okay, just something little. Nothing too big. I am going to be cooking, after all. Hmmm . . . I mean, it’s probably not the best idea, but . . .

Making his decision, he set off for the frozen section. Once again, he paused when he arrived at the aisle, looking through the glass freezer doors at the available options. I’ll just get a pint. That should be more than enough. Even if Rei goes for some too. ‘Cause mom hardly ever eats anything sweet, so I doubt she’ll have any. He tilted his head, tapping the soy sauce bottle against his thigh as he considered the selection. Why are there so many flavors? I didn’t even realize they sold Pumpkin outside of November. And Lime-Raspberry? What would that even taste like? Who comes up with these things? I’ll go for something classic. I could always do Vanilla. But, that’s a little boring. I don’t even really like it that much. Chocolate’s always classic, except that Rei doesn’t like it. And her favorite is Cookie Dough, which I don’t like the texture of . . . there are way too many choices here. Running his eyes over the racks, he did a quick count. Forty-two different flavors. Why are there forty-two different flavors? I wonder if anyone’s ever tried them all. Then again, that might take a while. And be kind of pricey. Dammit, I’m getting distracted again. The only conclusion that Shinji was coming to was the fact that he liked ice cream far too much, and was wasting far more time than he should be trying to pick out something. Maybe I should just get the soy sauce and head home. He peaked down at his phone. 7:29. Yeah, I’ve already been here longer than I should be.

A voice interrupted Shinji’s thoughts. “So, what’s your drug of choice?”

Shinji head snapped to the side, his concentration broken. “What?,” He asked, a little surprised.

The source of the interruption was standing a little further down the aisle, casually leaning on one of the freezer windows, his head cocked to the side, watching Shinji with a friendly smile on his face. Shinji thought the interrupter looked to be about the same age as him, though that fact was complicated slightly by the fact that though his face was youthful, his hair was an ashen grey. He must dye it. Is grey hair a style though? The interrupting individual sported a pair of black jeans and a band shirt for a group whose name looked vaguely familiar to Shinji. Porcupine Tree . . . I feel like Rei might listen to them. Maybe. Not to mention the fact that the newcomer had red eyes. Red eyes. Okay, so maybe this is a look he’s going for. I mean, those are definitely contacts, right? Unless there’s a genetic mutation I’ve never heard of, I don’t think humans can be born with red eyes. Which means that they’re contacts. Which means that the hair is almost definitely dyed too. I’m pretty sure that’s not what ‘scene’ looks like . . . there’d be brighter colors . . . and I don’t think it’s emo either . . . I’m pretty sure his hair would be black then . . . huh . . . maybe that’s goth. Yeah. Let’s go with that. In addition to making him second guess what scene fashion looked like, Shinji’s visual analysis of the interrupter also led him to a more definite conclusion. That regardless of what category his fashion fell under, he was pretty cute. Seriously Shinji, focus here, and stop thinking about how some random boy in Safeway who asked you what type of drugs you like is cute. Don’t be an idiot. Sure, you haven’t been on a date in months, ever since Martin broke up with you, but he was a manipulative jerk anyway— Shinji realized the interrupter had started talking again, which snapped him back into reality and out of his wandering mind.

“Yeah. What flavor is your favorite. I mean, out of the forty-two, there has to be one you’d pick, right?”

“Oh. Yeah. Probably cookies ’n’ cream,” Shinji answered, feeling more than a bit confused. On an afterthought, he added, “You’ve counted all the flavors too?”

“Not a bad choice,” the boy said with a firm nod. “Although, I’m more into mint chocolate chip myself. And yes, I’ve counted them all. It’s an important part to being an ice cream expert. Keeping track of the available flavors at the nearest store.”

“Okaayyy.” Shinji’s tone betrayed his uncertainty concerning just how he should deal with this stranger. “Ice cream expert?”

“Yep, that would be me,” the boy replied matter-of-factly, as though the question was a pointless one. He strolled over to Shinji and extended his hand. “Kaworu Akagi, ice cream expert, at your service.”

Shinji shook the offered hand, deciding he should be polite, despite the fact that his perplexity had not been substantially diminished in any way. This guy is . . . interesting, to say the least. As their hands met, Shinji was struck by the strange, but intense, sense that this wasn’t his first time meeting Kaworu.

“Shinji Ikari.” Against his better judgement, he decided to follow his introduction with, “Have we met before?”

Retracting his hand, Kaworu pursed his lips, ostensibly mulling over the question in his mind. After a few moments, he shook his head. “I don’t think so. At least, not that I can recall. I just got into town a few days ago. Why do you ask?”

Shinji shrugged, trying to play off his earlier question. “Oh, I think you just reminded me of someone I used to know.”

Kaworu nodded, seeming to accept this answer. “Ah, that makes sense. So, have you come to a conclusion, or would you like a second opinion?”

Shinji raised an eyebrow. “About the ice cream, you mean?”

“Indeed. That is the topic on the floor, as they say,” Kaworu responded nonchalantly.

Shinji blinked. “Who says?”

“Why, they do of course.”

“Oh. Umm, alright.” Shinji looked back through the window, surveying his options once more. A obvious choice didn’t present itself. “Well . . . I suppose a second opinion probably wouldn’t hurt.”

“Great,” Kaworu stated, his tone even and pleasant. “Any occasion in particular you’re buying for?”

Shinji shook his head. “Nope, not really. Just . . .” he hesitated, uncertain how much he wanted to tell someone who was still basically a stranger to him. “Just a bad day,” was what he ended up deciding on.

Kaworu pretended to stroke nonexistent hairs on his chin, nodding slowly as did so, in an amusing imitation of the stereotypical philosopher. “Hmm . . . ice cream for a bad day, you say?”

“Uh. Yeah. I guess so.”

“I’d have to recommend Cherry Chip for that. It’s a guaranteed mood improver from my experience. It is nearly impossible to feel down while you’re eating Cherry Chip ice cream.”

“Really?” Shinji’s ice wandered down the display, finally locating the flavor in question. Fortunately, they had it in pint size, which meant that the option was on the table. He couldn’t think of any reason not to go for it. As far as he knew, Rei liked Cherry Chip. At least, he thought she did. He wasn’t entirely sure that he’d ever seen her eat it. For that matter, he wasn’t entirely sure that he’d ever eaten it himself. Which means it might be pretty good, and I just don’t know it yet. You never know. “Really. Trust me, I’ve tested its potency. It won’t let you down.”

“Alright. Why not?” Shinji opened the door and grabbed a pint of Cherry Chip. He examined the container in his hands for a few seconds, before looking back up at Kaworu, who now seemed to be smiling in encouragement, which had the effect of making him look even cuter than before. Come on Shinji, don’t get distracted! Sure, he might be attractive, but he’s also a self-proclaimed ice cream expert. . . not sure whether that’s a good or a bad thing yet, to be honest.

“That’ll do the job,” Kaworu remarked, in a straightforward tone that made it sound as though he was utterly confident in the truth of his words.

“I’ll take your word for it.” Shinji furrowed his brow as another question popped into his mind. “Hey .. . you said you just got into town a few days ago. How is it that you already know all the different flavors they have here?”

“It was one of the first things I scoped out after we got into town. Always important to know what kind of ice cream game you’re going to be dealing with. Plus, I had plenty of free time once we finished unpacking, considering I won’t be in school up here until the fall.”

“Ah, okay. That makes sense.” Almost on a whim, Shinji was tempted to ask Kaworu where he had moved from, but decided that could come across as prying a little too much, since Kaworu hadn’t offered that information. As it was, Kaworu gave a partial answer to the question without Shinji even verbalizing it.

“School down south ends earlier. Though, to be fair, it also starts earlier there as well. We left a couple days after my semester ended. Which means I currently have relatively few obligations, other than locating and obtaining a job for the summer.”

“Oh. Yeah.” Shinji still wasn’t exactly sure how to respond, but he decided to field a question of his own. He figured it could come across as a polite inquiry, rather than being nosy, taking into account what Kaworu had just revealed. “So, what brought you up north?”

“My mother got transferred out to the base,” Kaworu returned offhandedly.

Shinji tilted his head in response to this answer, the gears in his brain turning. Well, that’s interesting. He almost wanted to make some sort of follow-up remark expressing their similarity in that regard, but he decided that might be a bit too much to say for the moment. Instead, he merely offered a casually, “I gotcha.” He continued with an amiable, “Well, welcome to Asherdale,” along with a more ironic, “It’s halfway decent, once you get used to it.”

Kaworu’s face broken into a grin at the humor, an expression that Shinji couldn’t help but feel made him look all the more attractive. Oops, getting distracted again. . . don’t do that . . . too much.

“Thanks, I appreciate it,” Kaworu said warmly.

“No problem.” The thought suddenly entering his mind, Shinji shot a momentary glance down at his phone. Hmm, what time is it? The answer was 7:37. 7:37?! I’ve been talking for eight minutes?! That felt like four or five at the most. I have to bail, now, if I’m going to make it home in time to get cooking.

He looked back up at Kaworu, who was still watching him, his gaze soft, the smile still on his face, his head tilted to the side. Shinji had the strange feeling that if it had been anyone else, the observational pose the boy had struck would have looked unusual, to say the least, but somehow, on Kaworu, it didn’t look half bad. It gives him a kind of elegant aesthetic . . . okay, where did I come up with that? I definitely need to head out.

“Hey, look, I’m sorry to leave so quick, but I need to get going.” Shinji cringed a little internally, hearing the awkward tone in his voice. You could have said that in a way that didn’t basically announced the fact that it made you flustered. Great going.

“Understandable. You wouldn’t want that ice cream to melt before you get the chance to test out its powers.”

“Haha, yeah, you know it.”

Kaworu nodded, imply that yes, he did indeed know it. “Why don’t I give you my number?” He remarked. “That way, you’ll have someone on hand for any future ice cream dilemmas.”

“Ahhh . . .” Okay, that was actually kind of smooth, in an odd way. And . . . it’s not like it could really hurt anything. I mean, he didn’t even ask for my number. Which means he’s not even necessarily flirting with me. It’d probably be a bit of stretch to say he is. After all, if I have his number, and he doesn’t have mine, that means I can choose whether I want to text him or not, and there’s nothing he can do about it. Which isn’t really a good way to flirt with somebody. I think I’m stalling again here . . .”

Shinji noticed Kaworu was watching him again, waiting for a response. “Sure. Sounds like a good plan.” He pulled out his phone and hastily created a new contact, before offering it to Kaworu. “Here, you can put it in.”

Kaworu nodded, his smile remaining intact, and typed in the digits, before handing it back to Shinji. “It was nice to meet you, Shinji Ikari,” he commented affably.

“You can just call me Shinji,” Shinji quickly responded.

“Alright then. It was nice to meet you Shinji.”

“You too . . .” Should I use first and last name like he did the first time? Or just go with first name. I don’t want to offend him, if that’s the sort of thing that’s important to him. After all, he does seem a bit, umm, particular.

“You can just call me Kaworu,” the boy suggested, his smile widening.

“It was nice to meet you Kaworu,” he finished lamely. “Guess I’ll see you around.”

“Yes, maybe so.”

Shinji nodded again, spun on his heels, and promptly made for the registers. Well, that went excellently. You meet a boy who’s kind of cute, even if he is a little eccentric, and straight off the bat, you’re second guessing yourself and fumbling for words. Fantastic.

Shinji shot a brief glance back as he reached the end of the aisle, to see that Kaworu was now retrieving an ice cream carton of his own from the merchandise freezer. Shinji turned away again before the boy could look back in his direction. Don’t want him to think I’m staring at him or something.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Shinji collapsed back onto his bed with a satisfied sigh. He was glad to have finally reach it, after the nigh-interminable day. Well, maybe not quite interminable. But definitely overlong. Without much thought, he grabbed his phone from his nightstand and spun in about in his hands a couple times, feeling the sensation of the textured case against his skin.

Dinner had been a success, such as it could be, anyway. He had impressed himself with just how fast he managed to throw things together when he went into slight (well, maybe more than slight) panic mode.

The ice cream had been a success as well. He had to admit, Cherry Chip was a pretty good flavor. He still wasn’t sure whether he had tried it before or not, but he was glad he had definitively tried it now. Rei had also enjoyed it, which was an added plus. In fact, their mother had even had a bowl, something altogether unexpected. Apparently, Cherry Chip ice cream was one of the sweets she would indulge in. Didn’t see that coming. All in all, the majority of the pint was no more.

Powering on his phone, Shinji was faced with another choice for the evening. Unlike his earlier ice cream deliberation, however, this cerebration was of a cursory duration. After a few seconds, he had composed the text, and was hovering over the send button. Alright. Let’s do this. He tapped the icon.

Shinji I.: Thanks for the recommendation. It was a good choice! Lol. This is Shinji, btw.

The response to his message came swiftly. Wow, he must type fast.

Kaworu A.: Happy to be of service. I’m glad it worked out.

Shinji found a smile edging its way across his lips. Maybe, in spite of everything, today wasn’t such a bad day after all.

[tarithenurse]

Stolen - 27

Pairing: Loki Laufeyson x fem!gifted!reader Content: All the smut. Be smart about it and use protection unlike some idiots in this story. A/N: Yeah, I’m not posting regularly yet. We got told this week at work that we are in fact NOT returning to our old place (which we had left “temporarily” due to better use of resources during COVID19 wave 1). That sucks. A lot. So I’m still stressed and semi-depressed and now also sad that we won’t have the surroundings needed to complete our job which is to train/rehabilitate people with apoplexia. Anyways...ask or re-blog for tag.

27. Eat Me, Drink Me

...   Reader   ...

The swooping rush in your belly is extended as soon as the blue cloud dumps the two of you on solid ground by Loki pushing you backward. Your back against cold metal, you manage a peek at the surroundings despite the grip the god has in your hair. There’s only a hint of distant light coming through the windows because there’s very little room between the hull and the cave wall, but it is enough to reveal sharp lines in a familiar design.

“The ship.” Is he taking you away from Asgard?

“Yes,” he chuckles darkly, body suddenly flush against you and his other hand digging into your waist just shy of painful, “I intend to have you screaming my name, begging for more as I ravish you.”

Heh. “Words.” Your sneer makes his brows arch beautifully. “Empty words.”

“Have care, [Y/N] -” he begins with a deep growl.

“Or what? You’re all noise, like a mosquito buzzing in the night but just like an insect all you’ve done is leave an anno-”

Snarling at your taunt, he latches on to the tender spot on your neck just below the ear. Teeth graze over your skin, leaving a sting that he soothes right away by kissing his way along your jaw before he claims your mouth. Claim. There’s no better word for it as his tongue dances along your lips and tangles with yours, nearly distracting from the new occupation of Loki’s hands that roughly are untying knots and bows in your clothes before pulling the dress down around your waist. Immediately, he busies himself with your breasts. Long fingers massaging them, pinching your nipples as his mouth draws the first moans from you by sucking, kissing, licking, biting.

Half-dazed, you begin to fumble with Loki’s clothes, enjoying the simplicity of the tunic and leather trousers he has been wearing under the disguise, and it takes little time before his torso is bared to you and your hands skim the smooth skin of his ass (trousers abandoned mid-thigh).

“Impatient, pet?”

You love the smirk on his lips as he teases. Clearly, you’re not the only one wanting more because his erection is pressing against your pelvis, long and hard with the promise of filling the emptiness within. Managing to squeeze a hand between your bodies, you grab his cock and deliver a slow stroke from balls to crown. Fuck, he looks good. The thought makes you smile at the god who’s eyes have closed in bliss at the sensation...but then the trance breaks and he steps out of reach, yanking the dress so it pools around your feet before literally lifting you over his shoulder as though you weigh nothing.

“Enough of your taunts,” he growls against your hip, allowing his teeth to dig in as he carries you to his cabin where he tosses you on the bed. “I’ll ruin you for all other men. I’m a god. You’d do well to remember that.”

“There you go with the talking again.”

Moving up in the bed, you’re hyper aware of the state of undress Loki is seeing you in. The only scrap of fabric clinging to your body is the underwear – a flimsy scrap of silk barely covering you pussy and held on to your body with some lace – and, oh, does he like what he sees! Following you on hands and knees (trousers now discarded), the raven-haired man is upon you mouth first, kissing his way up your legs while paying extra attention to your inner thighs after noticing the sighs it elicits.

The only problem is, every time you reach for him, the god bats away your hands. It’s annoying. I’ve not gotten him this far only to be denied touching. Cool, smooth skin that screams for caresses of fingertips. Ropy muscles, bunching and rolling with each movement as a testament to the strength he possesses even if he isn’t bulky like his brother. No. The god’s body is made for endurance and flexibility. For fucking you into tomorrow in positions you’ve probably not even dreamed of. And you want it.

You’re just about to do something about it when the tip of his tongue delves between the folds, dragging the pooling wetness to your clit where he pauses, adds pressure, and then flicks it with a satisfied chuckle.

“You will get more...if you behave,” Loki smirks.

The taste of pleasure is still buzzing along your spine and you’re almost willing to do anything as long as it gets you more. Wait...You had had a plan before getting swooped up and dropped onto the bed. Push him.

“Of course,” your mocking tone makes him arch a brow, “throwing in some distraction rather than act. I should have known.” You’re aware that he’s allowing you to push him back with a foot against his chest, permitting you to get onto your knees and hover over him. “If I wanted a talker, I’d go to Fandral.”

The sound of the blond man’s name ignites something in Loki. You can see it instantaneously because his eyes flood with the colour of blood and the teeth revealed as he snarls looks more like those of a predator. Large hands grab you by your hips and drag you on top of him, expertly positioning your soaked cunt against the tip of his cock.

“Never...” he pulls you down, the slow drag against your inner walls delicious - “...compare me...” with a last tug and thrust, Loki bottoms out - “...to him.” In a heartbeat, he’s got you back against the wall, lips growling against your mouth. “I’m a god.”

Holding you up, he pulls back almost completely before rutting into you at a pace that has your back arching and eyes rolling. The sheer force pushes you to the very edge because you know that a part of him is still trying to rein in some of the power in an unspoken wish not to hurt you.

... Loki   ...

His breath had been stolen and each attempt to regain it is shattered by the magnificent tightness of [Y/N] and her reaction to every thrust. Warm heat undulates around the Jotun’s cock in an attempt to draw him over the each prematurely while the gorgeous woman arches, presents her bosom for Loki to prey on greedily. Who am I to deny her?

Eagerly, he licks and bites at the nipples but barely manages to coax more than a half-swallowed moan from her lips. Loki grabs her by the jaw, forcing her to meet his eyes. I see. The challenge is blazing like a fire in her gaze.

A squelch fills the dim cabin as he withdraws, tossing the insolent woman onto the bunk again. This time, however, he leaves no time for her to taunt but embraces the straight legs against his own chest before leaning over her. For a split second, the male lingers with the tip of his cock at the entrance to heaven as he looks for the moment realization dawns upon her...all he gets is a wicked smile, empowering the thrust of his hips as he slams in.

Ravishing. Open mouthed, yet silent. Perfection. Hands clawing at his shoulders, nails leaving angry trails. Mine. Tight, wet, already quivering with the need for release.

But Loki keeps the speed controlled this time as he sheds the last layer of disguise and reveals the real him. The Jotun. The monster. Ridges rise, flooding his skin with the wintry colour and for once...he embraces it rather than hate it as his claws on one hand curl around her wrists, stretching [Y/N], exposing her even now as she willingly succumbs to the mercy of the beast within. A whimper breaks the relative silence as the Jötun markings have decorated his erection.

“Look at me,” he growls.

She obliges. Had he expected fear? Confusion? What Loki is treated to is an appreciative smirk.

“I see you.” Slowly bottoming earns him a gasp. “Finally.”

Cock punching out a steady speed – fast enough to make the woman breathless and slow enough for her to feel each inch and ridge – Loki fucks her steadily further up the bed until the each roll of his hips elicits drawn-out moans and ragged praises that never could have sounded sweeter than they do coming from the mortal’s lips. Balls tight, abdomen clenched, he drags her to the very edge and keeps her there until...

“Please! Loki!” [Y/N] begs with lust-blown eyes locked on him.

Claws scrape lightly towards her pelvis, drag through the short curls to where their bodies meet and he finds her clit with the pad of a finger. He has to fight himself to keep the pressure steady as the new stimulation sends a shudder through her perfect body. Almost. Aaalmost.

Then it happens. The epicentre of an earthquake buried inside [Y/N] sends the shock waves into Loki too, causing him to thrust deep and hard as she clenches around his cock.

The moan transforms into a scream, “Loki! Yeah!”

The tremors sends the Jotun tumbling after the human over the edge of bliss.

... Reader   ...

Gasping for air, you don’t even feel close to being in a real world. Fuck...that was amazing. Slumped on top of you, resting with his hips between your thighs lies a god whose appearance fades back to the pale person you first met in your own apartment. You had hated him then. Now I love him.

“Mmmm, my dear,” Loki mumbles against your neck, “your scream was sweet music.”