#praying I don’t sleep till noon <3

[jodilin65]

SUNDAY, MARCH 24, 1991 God, I wish moving day would hurry the fuck up and arrive. 8 more days!

I spoke to Andy last night. He’s really happy. He says it’s beautiful and that there are so many stores, and everything’s cheaper, including a movie theater with current movies that only cost a buck. He also says that even though Phoenix is a huge city, it’s spaced out so you don’t feel claustrophobic. He says maybe I’ll be out there sooner than I think, and says he misses me. I miss him, and Donna sounds really nice. I had spoken to her here before Andy left. Her mother Diane sounds nice, too. He says there are tons of singing contests and that no doubt talent agents go there and there are 22 gay bars. Can you imagine 22 gay bars?

I’m so psyched to move, but wanting to be what I want to be means I’m gonna need to get out of the area in a few years. I don’t want to ever have to say goodbye to Kim, either. Or Steve. Steve sounds really eager to check out Deerfield for himself too, after I told him all about it.

Kim’s so in love with me. I mean really. She told me how she had another wet dream about me, but she really is sincere and true straight from the heart. Even though I’m not sexually attracted to her she’s so right as a person. That’s the way it always works. Sexual attraction may be forbidden, but no more settling! I’ve done that for 25 years. If not getting someone who I’m attracted to inside and out means being alone, I’ll be alone. Plus, why get what I want for just 2 or 3 weeks?

WEDNESDAY, MARCH 20, 1991 I feel shitty, so I’m not going to write much. I couldn’t fall asleep till almost noon yesterday and I had to get up at 6:00 and then an hour later I went grocery shopping. I have felt very groggy all day. Or night, I should say.

Kim called about a vacancy next door to her. She’s going to talk to the owner, but it’ll no doubt be too expensive.

I’m dead tired so I’m going to bed now.

TUESDAY, MARCH 19, 1991 Now I’m even more pissed than I was last night as these antibiotics are like speed. I’ve only slept 2 hours in 30 hours. I just spoke to Kim about it and I think Andy tried to call me this morning. I know he called Brenda but when he called me, I never got to the phone in time. It turned out that Kim wouldn’t have been able to come down last Saturday anyway. I pray I don’t sleep too late tomorrow. I need food, then Wed. I see Martha.

Kim is such a super person. I’m so grateful for her helping me take care of this infection, getting me out of Crack Alley and much more. I told Kim about my ear surgery on building my outer ear and about going to Mass Eye & Ear Infirmary 3 years ago. I told her how the chief of ear surgery took CAT scans which they didn’t have when I was little, and determined that if he opens the closed-up opening, I should hear. I also told her the operation never got done as no one wanted to bother taking me and I didn’t want to disrupt their lives. There’d be a few visits besides the operation itself and several follow-ups. I explained I was too chicken to go alone and didn’t have the money for all these bus tickets back and forth from Boston. Also, the hospital people would never let me go home by bus after having major head surgery. Lastly, I told her with mom being 1400 miles away and Tammy with 3 kids, a husband and a business, there was no help there, either.

She was just as thrilled at the thought as I was even though I tried to block it all out of my mind. I tried telling myself I was born partially deaf, stay that way, it’s nothing new. Her eyes watered as well as mine and she half begged, half demanded she take me through this operation maybe this summer. She said it would thrill her and make her just as happy.

Also, she said I’m stuck with her no matter what. That’s ok with me as she’s one in billions of decent people I can ever get. I told her 3 or 4 years ago, she’d have run like hell and she said, “You never know. You may have been surprised.”

MONDAY, MARCH 18, 1991 Boy, am I pissed at myself and frustrated in general. I just can’t kick my schedule back on days. Bill’s coming tomorrow and I need to go do some food shopping. Also, I want to see Jessie before I leave to get my bathing suits back and see if she wants Toffee. I’m sick of taking care of him. Besides that, I have not seen Jessie or her son in ages.

Both Kim and Andy probably aren’t too happy as I was sleeping when they were due to call.

Yesterday I woke up after 4 hours with an attack. It’s always 4 hours after going to sleep. I woke up mega congested and was so bloated that I could say I was 4 months pregnant and be believed. So, Kim called on her break and came and brought me to the ER.

The doctor I liked took care of me in Fast-Track as the main ER room was swamped. Even though she’s married, me, Kim and several others who work there feel she’s bi. She drops enough hints anyway with the way she was looking at me and asking me all kinds of questions about my being gay with utter interest and fascination. She even told me she liked my underwear. Thought they were quite cute.

My problem turned out to be not a yeast infection but rather a urinary tract infection and I let it go too long. That’s why the congestion never got any better. When you have two different infections and you take medicine that kills only one of them, the other one worsens while the first infection comes back. She gave me Seldane to take along with my Theodur and an antibiotic called Bactrim and crotch cream to ease the irritation.

I received a check from fuel assistance for $488.

I really want to get a new stereo, but first I’ve got to start getting boxes.

Kim came over after Friendly’s, after the ER and took back with her some packed boxes. She was supposed to bring them back over and get more stuff when I fucking overslept.

SUNDAY, MARCH 17, 1991 Well, Andy’s now in New Mexico and will be arriving in Phoenix tomorrow. I haven’t spoken with him since he left on March 12th except for last night. He either calls collect or I call him since it’s Kevin’s problem. I don’t know if I remembered to write about that or not but when Andy was here, he got the phone put in that name and he gave a phony social security number.

When I move the phone will be under Maria S and it’ll be listed. My monthly charge will be $16 and whatever cents. I will not have call-waiting as that has become a major annoyance. Especially if I’m talking long distance or having a serious talk and don’t care to be interrupted. Call-forwarding I don’t need as Kim and I plan to keep our front doors open, therefore, I’ll hear my phone if it rings. I can live without 3-way calling for a while. In Deerfield, they only have pulse dialing anyway.

When I went to call the phone company here in Springfield, they insisted on speaking only to dear old Kevin himself. So I called Hank, my old neighbor from Oswego St., to be Kevin and he did.

I have arranged for Nervous to collect my final bill and either ditch it or keep it. Of course, he’ll keep it. Of course, he’ll probably open it and read it, but that’s fine with me.

Nervous hasn’t gotten his butt up here yet as he’s been working almost 70 hours a week. He says he will as soon as he finds the time. Also, he sounds impressed by Deerfield and my new apartment. I wish Feinstein’s and the Bucket of Cruds would fire him till April 1st.

I have had some very pleasant talks with Mary who still feels bad about what she did. She should, too. I told her that after what happened I was tempted to go to her workplace and make mincemeat out of her there, but didn’t want to get jumped by lots of people who worked there or were customers. I also didn’t want to get arrested either. She said, “I don’t blame you.”

SATURDAY, MARCH 16, 1991 Since I haven’t written in a while, I shall update the last two subjects I wrote about. First of all, I guess there isn’t an arrest warrant out for me. It’s really weird, though, as I came home one afternoon and found a subpoena shoved under my door. It said I must go to court on March 21st. That’s crazy as I never knew they gave you second chances. I’m not sure yet what I’ll do about it, but I sure as hell ain’t worried. Nor do I really give a damn as again, Jenny got what she deserved.

As far as Brenda goes, I did not speak to her for a few days after she snapped me out, but after that, we had some decent talks. She said it’s the coke that’s screwing her up and ruining her life. I admire the fact, once again, that she can admit she’s got a problem but I don’t want to be involved with her cuz of it. Also, the fact that I’m not attracted to her and that she’s not my type still stands. I guess I can now understand some of those that dumped me all the while saying I wasn’t a bad person. I’m not a bad person, just not their type. I just want to be alone more than ever for 10,000 reasons. There’s nothing wrong with being alone, though. Me, myself, and I make a great team.

So, my other news is that Andy left on March 12th. I feel he took a great piece of me with him. I feel alone. I miss him. However, I’m happy for him at the same time. Also, I’ve had a lot of problems with him so I’ll enjoy the break from that.

WEDNESDAY, MARCH 6, 1991 Well, now there’s a warrant out for my arrest (I think). I wonder if sweet little Jenny will call me about it. Oh well. When I’m ready to take care of it I will.

I am now at CC waiting for Martha. I took the bus here as I am in no mood to associate with Brenda. She’s doing everything I used to do which I haven’t done for many months. She pushes me away and she takes her anger out on me and it all always comes down to sex. She said she wanted to make love to me one more time before I move. I told her I didn’t feel it would be a good idea cuz of how she always says she’s all or nothing. She says she can’t have sex every now and then. She says it’s for memories and that she’s not asking for sex once a week. I told her again, as a reminder, I broke it off with her cuz I felt I wasn’t what she wanted and that we didn’t have enough in common. I also told her I felt it was the right thing to do. It’s happened to me so much and it happens to everyone else all the time, too. This is the 90s. So, last night she was grouchy and she snapped at me.

My hatred towards people only continues to grow and grow. I’m sick of people!

MONDAY, MARCH 4, 1991 I got that apartment!! It’s gorgeous, but it is a little different than Kim’s. I like it better.

Kim and I spoke with Mom and at first, she refused to listen, then Kim melted her right down to the ground. I knew she would. Mom was impressed with the area, which she’s familiar with, everything the apartment has to offer, the price, and Kim and Mark. She kept telling Kim she was a guardian angel. That is true in a way.

I’m moving on April 1st and I’ve sent Russ a written notice. Brenda and Jimmy are also moving on the 1st. Jimmy bought a house here in Forest Park and Brenda’s moving to Palmer. Bonny moved this March 1st.

The night I saw the apartment, Kim and I went roller skating at Interskate 91. I had a blast. I hope to get new skates, though, cuz mine suck. They’re outdoor skates anyway.

Kim came over today and brought back with her some odds and ends. Big bulky stuff that’ll take up valuable box space.

I forgot to mention I had a really good talk with both Nervous and Mary D.

Also, I was right all along about Kim. Kim is very happy with Mark. He’s a great guy but Kim feels he’s too quiet and not exciting in bed. I guess, even though Mark is 28, he’s only been with one other girl before Kim. Kim also told me that she had a wet dream about me and that she’s fantasized about both males and females. Whether Kim is married or not, she’s definitely my type pretty much, but why are they always ugly? I mean Kim’s not ugly, but she’s plain. Even Brenda’s better looking. It goes to prove more and more that God forbids sexual attraction for me personally for some reason.

[hitsuackerman]

Why Did It Have to be Him? pt. 2 (Aizawa x Reader)

a/n: so this was pretty challenging to write since its difficult to imagine Aizawa and his lustful needs all while trying to keep him in character... So, I hope this part 2 did you justice :) thank you for requesting this @hxneybee-uwu​ ! enjoy!

Warnings: Student-Teacher relationship, Age-gap, Cursing

Link: Part 1, Part 3

Materlist for my other fics :) here

Mina: Did you hear the news? We’re going 2 b having dorms

Toru: Did Aizawa-sensei and All Might Visit you guys now?

Kiri: Not yet. But my parents will surely agree.

You stared at the group chat before you. Heart racing at the thought of two teachers (okay, maybe one of them in particular) visiting your empty house. Not bothering to reply to your friends, you hurriedly stood up and began cleaning whatever nook and cranny your eyes could see.

As you were mopping the floors, a thought came into your mind. How would things work knowing you lived alone? Whose permission would you ask for? Both your parents had passed and them having no brothers or sisters, you had nowhere else to go, you settled for living off of the inheritance. It was just enough for you to live, given you had a part time job.

Your phone beeped once more cutting your thoughts.

Bakugo: Oi. How are yu gonna give them yer consent?

Y/N: I have no idea. I think I can ask one of them to sign it for my name instead…?

Bakugo: You really think theyd do that? Bullshit

Y/N: I can only hope huhuhu :(

Staring at your screen, your heart sunk at the idea of not being given the needed permission to join the dorms. Still, you showed a small smile at how Bakugo showed concern. He was one of the few people who knew about your predicament. Tossing your phone aside, you continued doing your chores.

When it was finally noon, you were now properly dressed and everything was now in tip top shape. All that was left was for your teachers to arrive. Killing time, you turned on the TV and watched whatever show was on. Not soon after, there was a knock on the door.

‘Fuck…’ You internally panicked when you saw it was only Aizawa outside your door. Any hopes of not having to make things awkward, flushed down the drain. Heat instantly traveled to your cheeks as your mind recalled what transpired a few days ago.

“You live alone, right?” Aizawa asked as he fixed his bag strap on his shoulder. His eyes took in your features. The pink tint on your cheeks gave him an uneasy feeling. The small rise in his heart beat needed to be pushed aside.

“Yeah.” You stepped aside to give him room to enter. When he passed by, you bit your inner lip and prayed for any sort of help. “Make yourself comfortable, sensei.”

‘Lords that sounds so wrong even if it’s still with context.’ This was not going well. Not one bit.

Leading him towards the living room, the two of you sat across from each other. It had only dawned on you that he was not wearing his hero costume. Instead, he was wearing a white button down shirt with the same tie from before. His stubble had returned quite fast but his hair was kept in a low bun.

“Do you want coffee or tea?” You touched your neck while trying to avoid eye contact. Seeing him sitting on your sofa was terrible for your fantasies. What you’d give to do at least something on that damn sofa.

When you started biting on your lip, his mouth started to dry. He had to swallow his saliva as his stare lingered on your lip. Once again, his skin tingles at the memory of your soft skin on his calloused one.

‘Shota. Stop.’ He mentally slapped himself. ‘See? This is why you should have let Toshinori visit (L/N).’

“Stop chewing on your lip, (L/N).” He snapped you out of your thoughts. Clearing his throat he advertently changed the topic. “Water will do.”

Excusing yourself, you scurried to the kitchen. This was not good. The fact that he’s in your home dressed like that caused your mind to relay pictures. How would he look underneath those clothes? Would he mind it if you ran your fingers through his hair? Of course he would. What the hell were you thinking? Those were the thoughts running in your mind as you shakily poured water into a glass.

Meanwhile, Aizawa rubbed his palms on his face. He had barely gotten any sleep yesterday and being able to recognize how you smelled of lavender when he entered your home did not help one bit.

Leaning his back on the sofa, his eyes began to wander. The walls were plain and barely any pictures. Save for 3 frames near the TV. Squinting his eyes, he could make out a younger you, smiling widely with your parents. At least he assumed.

“Those are my parents.” You gave him the answer as you placed the glass of water on the table. Returning to your seat, you tucked in a strand of hair and finally gave him eye contact. His blank gray eyes gave nothing away.

“I recall in your file that you don’t have any relatives. For that case, I have already asked permission from Principal Nezu that I can sign the papers, should you grant me authority.” He began to set some papers on the table. Once they were all laid flat, he took out a pen from his bag and placed it beside the papers. “All you have to do is sign this particular file.”

Taking the document, you scanned through the words and absentmindedly nodded. Without taking your eyes from the paper, you reached blindly for the pen.

Your breath hitched when you felt his fingers brush against yours. Tearing your gaze from the file, your eyes followed your arm till they reached your fingertips. In between your index and middle finger, his finger stayed frozen as well. Not one of you budged or flinched. When you looked over at his eyes, they seemed to be calculating and lost in thought.

‘You’re crossing the line, Shota.’ That’s what his mind yelled at him. Yet his body wanted him to just grab your wrist and hold your skin once more. His finger twitched and he managed to feel your skin against his.

Seeing his jaw tighten, you felt brave and imitated his actions. His eyes immediately darted and met yours. A shaky exhale exited your mouth as you felt his finger slowly rising up towards the back of your hand. His eyes never tearing away from you. The way his Adam's apple bobbed up and down only showed his evident lust.

Trembling, you lifted your index and carefully grazed his palm.

‘Holy shit. Holy shit. I’m tracing his palms. Fuck,’ Your heart felt as if it were running miles at the sensation of his skin.

It took all of his will to blink himself back to reality. Clenching his fist, he pulled himself away from you and cleared his throat. His eyes following your hand as you finally grabbed the pen.

‘Why did you do that? Are you that desperate to get under her skin?’ Aizawa scolded himself. He had indulged a little too much. Flexing stomach, he tried to hide his friend before you could notice. He had stepped over the line a little too much for his, or both, of your comforts.

After signing the document, you gave him the paper and made sure your fingers were a safe distance from him. The sooner he was out of your vicinity the better. After a few more instructions, he finally stood up and you accompanied him to the door.

As you trailed behind him, your eyes fell on his nape. Slowly, they fell towards his shoulders. Each little swing of his arm caused his traps to flex. It was subtle but his white shirt gave it away if you knew what you were looking for. Your eyes fell even lower. A satisfactory nod at how his butt was plump. A+ if you could say so yourself.

You flinched when your body collided with his chest. So lost in thought, you failed to notice how he had turned around to face you.

Aizawa couldn’t help but stare at how gradual your face turned a shade of red. The look of embarrassment but a hint of lust present in your orbs. A strand of hair falling on your face. Without thinking it through, he tucked the strand behind your ear.

“That’s what you want, isn’t?” He said as his finger began to trace your jaw. “Aren’t you smart enough to know that I’m your teacher and I’m much older than you?”

Your mind stopped working. There was no way you could redeem yourself from this. Avoiding his stare, you began to chew on your lower lip. Anxiety started to show when your shoulders trembled. Trying to formulate a sentence, your mouth just felt dry and barren.

“(L/N).” His voice stern. “Answer m-”

“Why… Why did you do that with your fingers? Why did you tuck that strand of hair, Aizawa-sensei?” Your voice cracked but the words came faster than you could comprehend. “I know you're my teacher. I just… I can’t help it.”

‘Don’t say the words, Shota. It will only make things worse.’

“Even if I entertained your feelings, there’s no way this will end up on a positive note. You and I both know that well enough.”

‘You should have just kept your mouth shut at this point.’

Seeing that tears were starting to pool up, he let out a sigh and removed his finger from your jaw. He hated himself. He hated himself for not wanting to let go of his touch on you. The only logical thing left for him to do was to turn around, open the door, and leave. But, his feet remained glued to the floor.

“What if you were wrong and all this ends on a positive note?” (Y/N). You’re literally inviting the thought of being expelled at this very moment. By now, your mind was too foggy to think straight. All you wanted was to show this man that maybe, just maybe, things would work out.

“Nothing good comes out with these types of relationships..”

“Then just give me a chance.” You retaliated. “There’s no harm in trying and we don’t have to tell anybody.”

‘There’s a lot of harm in this Shota. This isn’t logical anymore. This is just plain selfish on your part.’ His mind was yelling for him to stop. Yet the fire and determination in your eyes made him think otherwise. At this point, he wasn’t listening to his mind anymore.

It would be a lie on his part if he would say he never took an interest in you. Ever since the UA sports festival, his stare would linger on you and it became his own personal game if he could catch you ogling at him.

Taking one step forward, he saw how your eyes widened with fear and anticipation of what would happen next. Leading you, his gaze tore straight into your soul as your back felt the cold wall in your house. You were now pinned against the wall. Your head tilting upward to look into his stoic face.

‘OH MY LORD. A KABEDON. WHAT THE FUCK?!’ You yelled as your jaw dropped once more. Both his arms now caging your head. He bent his torso to fully take in your flustered face. Your knees now felt like jelly when the tip of his nose began to brush yours. He smelled like mint and rosewood.

Just like that, he released you from his cage and fixed his tie. It took everything in him not to devour you right then and then. Turning around, he ushered himself out. Before taking another step forward, he glanced at you over his shoulder.

“I like cats.” He said.

“What?” You were still recovering from the feeling of being pinned to the wall. Your senses tingled and heat reached the area between your thighs once more.

“You heard me.” With only an inch left of opening, he continued his sentence. “We can start off from there.”

The moment the hatch clicked, you fell to your knees and clutched your chest.

Meanwhile, Aizawa on the other side clenched his fists till his knuckles turned white. He had let himself go. This was bad but now that an opportunity presented itself, he would have to take such necessary precautions to ensure that this situation you found yourselves in would remain hidden.

“Shit.” That’s all he could say.

Taking his phone out, he scanned through his contacts till he reached your name. He didn’t know what went to him but he knew a smirk on his face when he feels it. After typing the message, he hit send and placed it back in his pocket.

Hearing your phone beeping, you hurriedly ran back towards the living and unlocked it. His name appeared on the notification bar. Your cheeks once again felt hot and your heart began to race once more.

‘I’ll call you later.’

Needless to say, he did.

[azulaang-chakras]

Have you been asked Azulaang for the ship meme yet? :)

Hey @lady-tortilla-chip

Thanks for your patience!

So, a lot of these questions would be spoilers for Books 2 and 3 of my Chakras AU, but I’ll do my best to fill in the others!

General:

Rate the Ship -   Awful | Ew | No pics pls | I’m not comfortable | Alright | I like it! | Got Pics? | Let’s do it! | Why is this not getting more attention?! | The OTP to rule all other OTPs

How long will they last? - Until death briefly separates them.

How quickly did/will they fall in love? - In my AU, they haven’t said the word yet, but the descent into love started the night after Azula restored her firebending. Speaking of which

How was their first kiss? - Passionate, desperate, comforting, in a tent, one never to be forgotten.

Wedding:

Who proposed? - Spoiler

Who is the best man/men? - So, I wanted to work out a pyramid kinda situation between the guys. In “The Sword Linked to the Fan” Sokka had Aang be his best man. After consideration, I think it would be nice if the guys arranged it so that they would each play the role once for a friend. Sokka had Aang, Sokka would then be Zuko’s best man, and Zuko would be Aang’s when he would get married. Though, tbh, I could easily see both Sokka and Zuko wanting Aang to be their best man.

Who is the braid’s maid(s)? - This is going to be a difficult bridge to cross when I get there, so I’ll just say Spoiler

Who did the most planning? - Probably Aang

Who stressed the most? - Honestly? They both stress, but in different ways. Azula would probably be more stressed

How fancy was the ceremony? - Back of a pickup truck | 2 | 3 | 4 | Normal Church Wedding | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Kate and William wish they were this big. / It’s probably going to be a simple ceremony at the Southern Air Temple.

Who was specifically not invited to the wedding? - Ozai, obviously. Any more than that is too soon to tell

Sex:

Who is on top? - Usually Azula

Who is the one to instigate things? - Both

How healthy is their sex life? - Barely touch themselves let alone each other | 2 | 3 | 4 | Once a couple weeks, nothing overboard | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | They are humping each other on the couch right now

How kinky are they? - Straight missionary with the lights off | 2 | 3 | 4 | Might try some butt stuff and toys | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Don’t go into the sex dungeon without a horse’s head

How long do they normally last? - Until their bodies literally can’t do anything else but breathe

Do they make sure each person gets an equal amount of orgasms? - Aang tends to focus on Azula getting more. Air Nomads know how to treat their ladies right

How rough are they in bed? - Softer than a butterfly on the back of a bunny | 2 | 3 | 4 | The bed’s shaking and squeaking every time | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Their dirty talk is so vulgar it’d make Dwayne Johnson blush. Also, the wall’s so weak it could collapse the next time they do it. You’ll all see what I mean when I get to chapter 7 of Book 2

How much cuddling/snuggling do they do? - No touching after sex | 2 | 3 | 4 | A little spooning at night, or on the couch, but not in public | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | They snuggle and kiss more often than a teen couple on their fifth date to a pillow factory. Aang and Azula might be private people, but they are head over heels for each other. Azula might tease Aang for being mushy, but she loves it deep down

Children:

How many children will they have naturally? - Spoiler, but I think I might have given away the number at some point in the past

How many children will they adopt? - They help many children around the world, but do not formally adopt any of them

Who gets stuck with the most diapers? - Aang

Who is the stricter parent? - Azula, but not in a domineering way

Who stops the kid(s) from doing dangerous stunts after school? - Aang in most cases

Who remembers to pack the lunch(es)? - Aang

Who is the more loved parent? - Spoiler

Who is more likely to attend the PTA meetings? - If there was a PTA, the teachers would pray that Aang shows up instead of Azula

Who cried the most at graduation? - Aang openly, Azula barely keeps it in

Who is more likely to bail the child(ren) out of trouble with the law? - Aang will be bailing his wife and kids out of jail

Cooking:

Who does the most cooking? - Aang. As a nomad, he knows how to gather food and take care of himself. Azula is not allowed near a kitchen after the last incident

Who is the most picky in their food choice? - Aang, because he is a vegetarian

Who does the grocery shopping? - Aang

How often do they bake desserts? - Aang would. I like they both have a sweet tooth

Are they more of a meat lover or a salad eater? - Aang is a veggie, Azula does love her some meat. You’ll see what I mean when I post chapter 3 of Book 2

Who is more likely to surprise the other(s) with an anniversary dinner? - Azula 

Who is more likely to suggest going out? - Either

Who is more likely to burn the house down accidently while cooking? - Azula. You think a princess knows anything about cooking?

Chores:

Who cleans the room? - Probably Aang, but he cheekily gets Azula to help out

Who is really against chores? - The first chore Azula had ever done in her life was with Aang on Crescent Island, so her

Who cleans up after the pets? - Aang, if only because Appa and Momo don’t really trust Azula atm

Who is more likely to sweep everything under the rug? - Azula

Who stresses the most when guests are coming over? - Azula

Who found a dollar between the couch cushions while cleaning? - Nomads aren’t big on money, but if there was a dollar Azula would find it

Misc:

Who takes the longer showers/baths? - They both take long baths, because the other always interrupts them during one

Who takes the dog out for a walk? - Aang takes Appa and Momo out every day

How often do they decorate the room/house for the holidays? - If that was a thing, probably a fair amount

What are their goals for the relationship? - To have a partner that balances them out, to have someone there for them, to have a rock to stand on, to have someone that lifts them to new heights and out of the grief they had been living in

Who is most likely to sleep till noon? - Literally a line in the AU: “If Azula had her way, he’d never be out of bed until noon.” Aang is an early riser, Azula doesn’t give a fuck and just wants to sleep

Who plays the most pranks? - Aang, but if he goes too far Azula will retaliate and he won’t be able to survive her counterattack

[jinmoni]

BTS SICK/HURT FICS

Faking (TaeJin)

Tae POV

I groaned waking up to 3 things. First, the horrible head ache that hit me the minute I opened my eyes. second, the nausea and the unsettling feeling in my stomach. Last thing, is Jin hyung voice as he yelled at me to wake up. His loud voice made my head throb more and I let out a whimper setting up and holding my head.

"Yah! Don't just sit here! Hurry and be ready in 15 we have a very busy day and we can't tolerate being late!!!" He yelled and get out of the room slamming the door behind making me flinch. Some one woke up on the wrong side of the bed.

I went to take a shower and get ready for the day slowly making my way to the attached bathroom. As the water touched my skin, I sighed in relief and decided to take a little more time in the shower to relief some of the headache and my stiff muscles.

I lost track of time and didn't notice how much time I take until...."YAH!! WE DON'T HAVE ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD, YOU ONLY HAVE 10 MINS TO GET OUT UNLESS YOU WANT US TO LEAVE YOU HERE" Jin hyung screamed banging on the door and in a second, headache came in full force making me hold it and suddenly the light became too much for me.....migrain!!

I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to regulate my breath praying that the pulsing pain in my head will go away. After few painful minutes, .my head finally decided to give me a break and I started to quickly and carefully _if that was possible regarding to my case_ to get ready to meet the others.

I managed some how to finish and made my way down stairs to find them finishing breakfast and getting ready. I was about to sit and eat but the piercing glare that Seokjin hyung shot at me made me quickly go look for my shoes.

" Tae, you didn't eat anything at least make some toast for you, it's going to be a long day" Namjoon hyung told me.

"I it's okay hyung I'm not that hungry" I told him swallowing the lump and my throat trying not to cry. Every thing is missed up first my head ache, Jin hyung anger, and now I will miss the breakfast not knowing if I will ever have the time to eat through the day. It's gonna be a very long day.

After getting into the car, I instantly leaned my head on kookie's shoulder and drifted to sleep hoping that after waking up my head will be okay.

I woke up to Jiminie shaking me as we arrived to the BH building  and we all got out of the car heading to the practice room to start our day. Suddenly while I was walking I swayed and stumbled on my foot and hitting one of the members.....Jin hyung!!

"Damn it Taehyung!! What is wrong with you today? Waking up late, and taking forever to get ready, and now you can't even walk properly?!. You do understand that we are so busy these days there's few weeks before come back? Can yous top being a burden and focus on the work we got here?! You can't just keep lagging and dragging us back! Be responsible for once!!" He screamed at my face and I felt my eyes starting tearing.

"I I'm sorry hyung...I d don't feel okay I'm sic..."

" Sick?! Yeah right...now you are faking to avoid getting in troubles....tsk Taehyung, thought you are better than that" At his bitter words I couldn't take it any more and I quickly dashed inside the building hearing JiKook calling my name but I didn't care.

Jin POV

Taehyung's actions are irritating me. We are in the middle of come back and he knows how we are so stressed and try to work our hardest for our fans yet he is being a burden for us and acting as if he is in a break or something. I told them specifically to go to sleep early and not play yet I found him awake at 3 am with his eyes on the game while the other 2 maknaes are sleeping. I let him go without scolding him when he said he would wake up early the next day but here we today and "Mr. Don't worry I can wake up even if I didn't sleep early", getting up very late and taking his sweet time taking a shower. And now he is also faking being sick to just get on his way and avoid my scolding.

After his running away from me, we got inside the studio noone daring to say anything as the atmosphere has darkened already. I calmed myself as we got into our dance studio doing some stretches before our dance practise. I can see taehyung _with the corner of my eyes_ setting far away in the room, head in hands while Kookie and jimin rubbing his back, and I felt a bang in my heart just thinking if he is crying because of me but he needs to know that those days are important and that he can't just play and mess around as much as he wants, so I tried to ignore him. Soon enough Hobi clapped his hands and told us to go in our position to start. Maybe I will talk to him after practice.

No one POV

Tae didn't know why Jin was this harsh with him especially when he is this sick. He was stunned of the way Jin was talking with. Yeah, he knows that they have small fights every now and the but those fights never last more than mere minutes, and then they hug it of and laugh again after each one explains his point of view and they reach common land, but today, it's different. Jin was mad at Tae and the poor sick boy didn't even know why, he really just wants to finish and go home to have some sleep to regenerate his energy.

After he reached the studio, he crouched in the corner, pulling his knees to his chest and hid his head in them; it was obvious that he was trying not to cry by taking deep breath. It was until Jimin came and hugged him that he lost it. All the sickness , all the sad and anger feeling, and all the fatigue came out in hushed sobs. Jimin's heart nearly broke for his best friend as he tried to sooth him. Jungkook took bottle of water and knelt beside Tae rubbing his back, he looked at Jiminie with wide worried eyes and Jiminie just hugged him more.....he really doesn't know what to do.

When they heard the footsteps of the other members, Tae quickly wiped his tears, they can't see him crying and add to his distress by saying he is a cry baby, Jin's scolding was enough for today. Jiminie and Kookie understood and Jimin fixed his hair while kook gave him water to try and make him look less fatigues and stressed.

By the time the members reached the studio, he managed to maintain his sobs only hiccuping a little but he mostly went unnoticed or he thought so.

The members all looked at Tae and then to each others worriedly except for Jin who was split between hurrying to comfort his dongsaeng or stand his ground. They all were surprised when Jin yelled at Tae; Jin has always been known to be the most patient among them, the most caring and the most understanding one, so when he lose his temper like that, it means that Tae really did something wrong yet they didn't see anything wrong from Tae's side so why Jin was like that?. They wanted to sort things out but by the look at the two of them they know that this is not the right time or place, they need to sort things back when they are in their house away from the cameras and staff member and of course after clearing their schedule to be less stressed.

Hobi finally decided to start the practice maybe it will take their heads of the situation and soon music starts playing. Every one started to stans in their position and they can see that Tae moved his bangs to hide his eyes but they only prayed that this day would end even Jin was stealing some glances to Tae to see how he is doing.

Tae was doing great through the first half of the practice except from some small mistakes here and there but no one noticed or they decided to brush it of especially hobi who _as their chareography captain_ has an eagle eyes on each of them ready to correct any of them if they did any mistake but Hobi decided not to call him on these small mistakes as not to make him more sad. 

They were in the last song routine before their break, all of them were drenched in sweat and taking deep breath to try to calm themselves but Tae was really struggling......he was wheezing.

At first he tried to control his breath, and tried to not fall down or ask for early break scared to get scolded again but suddenly he found himself out of breath, the light above him was too bright and burning his eyes,  suddenly the sound of deep breath of his team members sounded so loud, and  he felt sick in his stomactk; he knew the symptoms and he recognised them since the morning but with all the commotions and him being in a hurry, he forgot to take his medicine for migraine. He wanted to cry.

The members heard his wheezing, jiminie and Namjoon _who were beside him_ ran to his side but Tae couldn't feel them, he was trapped in his panic, he couldn't catch his breath and suddenly started coughing violently falling in his knees.

It all happened quickly, Tae was coughing his heart with Jimin and Namjoom patting and rubbing his back encouraging him to breath, Hobi stopped the music, Kookie grabbed water, Yoongi crouched in front of him putting Tae's hand on his chest and taking deep breath trying to make him follow him to no avail, and Jin was shocked; for the first time the eldest  didn't hurry to comfort his distressed dongsaemg and he felt a bang in his heart that he was the main reason Tae in that condition. He was in his thoughts till suddenly hearing his mates screaming Tae's name just then he snapped out to find Namjoon holding Tae's loose body as the poor boy couldn't handle it and blacked out.

Jin was out of the studio in a blink going straight to where the medical team in and rushing them to come quickly. When they reached the crowded boy, they ushered them to lay him down and give him space to breath. After giving him oxygen and quick exam, they told them that he is exhausted and that the migraine hit him hardly; the medics managed to give him injection for the migraine and waited for him till he woke up. Jin went and put Tae's head on his lab refusing to leave and and bitting his power lip as if he was holding himself from crying.

TAE POV

I groaned as I tried to open my eyes, all of my body hurt and the queasy feeling in my stomach is still persistent but not powerful as before.

I felt finger brushing my hair smoothly and I moved my head a little to find it was Jin hyung smiling sadly  at me.

"Tae baby, how are you feeling" he asked me but I didn't answer. All the morning he was yelling and now he is caring again?!!

I tried to sit up wincing at the ache in my muscle.

"Hey hey easy" I ignored him again and sat up looking at the medics who also assisted me. I felt Jin trying to put his hand on my shoulder but I shake it of. I'm not having it. Hopefully jimin felt my distress and came beside me putting his arm around my shoulder and I leaned into him not missing the sad glance in Jin hyung's eyes.

"Tae-ssi, how are you feeling now" one of the medica asked me.

"Still feeling aches all over my body and my stomach hurts slightly but I'm better" I answered feeling Jiminie holding my hand and squeezing it a little.

"They are post symptoms from the migraine that hit you, but 30 minutes or so and you will be alright. Please if you ever felt the symptoms take you medicine instantly and don't wait till it's this bad"

"It was my fault, I was rushing him and he probably forgot it because of me" Jin hyung suddenly talked and I felt bad at his sad tune.

"It's okay, just make sure he always has his meds, your schedule is so backed up and with the increase of the stress the possibility of having migraine attacks again is so high, so try to take it easy for a bit and as much as you can try not to stress much. Take care of him guys" he finished looking at my members who bowed and thanked him before he left us.

No one POV

After leaving of the paramedics, the members sat in heavy silence aside from the sweet soothing words Jimin was saying to Tae whenever he whimper or wince.

"T Tae, please I'm so sorry I know you are mad at me and you have all the rights cause nothing justify my attitude with you"

"Jin hyung could you tell us what happened" it was Namjoon who asked in demanding yet gentle voice.

Jin sighed sadly before answering not looking at any of them. "Yesterday, I told the maknaes to go to sleep early and later I found them sleep except for Tae who told me that he will wake up early and not to worry. This morning he woke up late and was moving so slowly and I guess all the stress took a toll one me and I reflected all of it on Tae, yelling for him to move fastly a and not b believing him when he said he was sick" as soon as he finished he sobbed in his hand feeling all guilty.

"I'm really sorry Tae, hyung didn't mean it and shouldn't shout like that at y." He didn't finish before feeling a pair of hand hugging him tightly and he hugged back squeezing him.

"Hyung, I I didn't sleep not to disobey you I was stressed"

"I know baby I know...and hyung is sorry. I'm so sorry my baby it will not happen again" Jin said and rested his head on Tae's.  They stayed like that for a few minutes and Jin noticed that Tae slept peacefully in his arms and smiled fondly at him before picking his forehead lightly.

"I guess it's better for us to go home" Namjoon said and they all cheered for that. The rest of the day Jin refused to leave Tae, carrying him to the car, into the house, and even told them to order for a delivery as he won't leave Tae to cook for them.

Tae slept peacefully the whole after noon till the food came and he woke up when he smelled the fired chicken.

"Chicken" Tae said and Jin couldn't help but chuckle.

"Yeah baby come on let's eat"

[lady-olive-oil]

Work Out: Chapter 5

A/N: IT’S FINALLY HERE!!! It took me a while to get this out but it’s here. I’ll be on vacation next week and so I’ll be writing just not updating per-say. If you or anyone has experienced a loss of a child or family member, and you want to talk about it my inbox is always open. It’s chapter 5. That means it’s time for another project to be started. I have 4 started already and I am going to pick which one i like best to start typing chapters for. Which will most likely be Chris Evans x Roxie in So Into You. There’s one line in here that I asked to use from my good sis @madamslayyy and it’s in here. Let me know if you’d like to be tagged in future projects.

Warnings; child death, unprotected sex (wrap it up!), language

Word Count: 5,029 [my village knows this is was gonna be long]

Lil Nasties: @maddiestundentwritergaines || @themyscxiras || @crushed-pink-petals || @honeychicana || @dc41896 || @chaneajoyyy || @jojolu || @titty-teetee || @inlovewithmakeupcomicsanimelove || @ljstraightnochaser || @mimigemrose || @fumbling-fanfics || @amelatonin || @screamingdrago || @breddiefrooks || @ellixthea || @designerwriterchic || @destinio1

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It was 3 am, dark and eerily quiet. Only the sound of my Sunter oscillating floor fan being on, and Florian’s occasionally snoring, could be heard. He took my offer on staying at my condo, instead of a hotel when he’d come to New York. Missing him from going back and forth from here to Munich, Germany, did some things to me. I never felt like this in a while about someone.

Only thing I could see in the dark from the moon, peaking through the window shades, was my big brown bear with an ‘I Wuv You’ pillow attached to it. Florian has shipped it to me from visiting his family.

He’s done something to brighten up my life, that I didn’t think needed to be brighten up. I couldn’t sleep. I could never sleep around 3 am and there’s a reason for that.

It had been a couple months or so, nearly in March now with the spring weather, and things were starting to look up a bit. That is until the gut wrenching moments with Jake happened. The bad memories came flooding back and the nightmares became worse, and worse. It came at least once or twice a month, but now they’re more frequent.

Around this same time I’d have the same recurring nightmare: me losing my baby girl at just 16 weeks. I let the dream play out this time. Normally I’d wake up in different scenes.

I was at work with a client and my phone rang to a news flash. Typical news about politics, and crazy folks. At the time time Jake and I weren’t on speaking terms due to his infidelity. I went home that day, around noon, to an infuriated Jake.

“Where the hell have you been?!” He yelled in my face,’I could smell the alcohol on his breath. This wasn’t the first time I say him this frustrated.

This time it was his job at a restaurant; he got fired, again. He always blames me for his misfortunes when I’ve been holding him up. I’ve been there for him time and time again.

“At work. Where else would a 3 ½ month pregnant lady be? I have bills to pay Jacob, and a baby to feed soon.” Apparently he didn’t like the hint of attitude in my voice, because the next thing I knew I was being thrown against a wall with force.

The wind was knocked out of me; my throat was sore from screaming and he was in my face.

“You know where you need to be at all times. You are MINE, and no one else’s.”

“We’re separated remember? Or did you forget?! Hey out of my face and out of my house now.” I pushed passed him, on my way upstairs, till I felt an even more powerful force push me down. I had landed on my stomach, the pain was too much to bear.

I froze in place, crying and praying to the heavens, hoping that my little Angelique would be alright.

“Geneva? Oh my god, please come on baby.” Jake was frantic, picking me up and taking me to the car. Making our way to the hospital I was in too much shock to love around.

Several hours later of being in the room, the doctor gave em the final verdict. It was too much damage to be done for my baby. I was stunned. Too traumatized to even move. The doctor gave us some time to ourselves, after the procedure was done.

Jake reaches out to touch my hand and I draw back from him.

“Don’t. Touch. Me.” I seethed through my teeth, not even glancing in his general direction. I could tell he grew impatient with me, by the way he yanked my head to face him.

“If you weren’t so disobedient, we’d have a baby soon. But you just had to defy me and get hurt. I thought you loved me, Geneva.”

“I do. But you make- you’re blaming this on me? You’re blaming the death of our baby on me?!” My anger surfaced as my parents walked through the door.

Jake was faster than they were, because he tried to  choke me. His grip was too tight, my nails dig deep in his arms. Deep enough to draw blood. My dad was pulling him off, with my mother in tow. My vision grew dark, I couldn’t move again. All I could hear were my parents screaming for the doctors to come help. The nightmare ended.

I woke up screaming in the dark, causing Florian to wake up abruptly and be on the lookout. I felt bad for waking him up but I’m glad he did.

“Geneva? Is everything ok?” He held me close to his chest, as I cried in heavy sobs. I finally let the dream play out. I explained to him what my dream was, his rage about my ex increased ten fold.

Pulling me close to his chest even more, he mumbled something in German as she rocked me back and forth. He couldn’t fathom how any may would I ever lay his hands on a woman like that. Pregnant or not. He know his own mother would be livid if he went that route.

“I vow to this very day, he won’t come near you. I know you gave me the green light to rough him up, and I did, but I need full control Genevieve. I need to you give me full control, my love.” The sincerity in his voice was calming. It was as if he was sent from the gods to protect me. As he caressed my cheek, I kissed his hand on instinct, holding on to his hand.

Looking into his soft green eyes, the moonlight shining through the windowed curtains, making them glow with love. Upon resting my head on his, he snaked his arms around my waist.

“You made a promise to keep me safe and I believe you. So without question, I give you full control, Florian. Full, control.” Whispering against his lips, he smiled at me genuinely and held me close. He fell back against the fluffy pillows, taking me along with him. The still calmness made it easier for me to fall asleep next to him.

I think I’ll keep him a little while longer.

-The Next Day-

“Ain’t no way in hell! You can’t do that!”

“The hell I can’t. House rules cuzzo, house rules. Now draw your 4 and the color is red.”

“You ain’t right.”

Game night has been a tradition in my family for generations. To keep it alive, I had the crew come by my half finished apartment, along with the typical game night food. First game of the night was Uno. Not just any old game of Uno, it was Uno Flip. It brought out the worst in people but it was all in fun.

“Now she taught me this game last night, simply because it’s new, and even I knew she’d say ‘house rules.’ ” Florian was invited as well, why wouldn’t I invite the guy that I heard beat up my ex?

“You trained him well, sis. I like him.” Nefertiti, Winston’s girlfriend of 3 years, was always the insightful one of the group. She was always busy with her stylist job, but when she has time she comes back home and chill.

“Yeah but you still can’t do that. Cheater.” Mike mumbled under his breath, which earned him a smack upside his head by Johari.

My dog Dragon, my reddish-brown Pomsky, was asleep in his kennel in the laundry room. He loved it when Florian came over to visit, because he had someone big and strong to play with. He clearly loved the fact that I had someone too.

The vibes were perfect for a night in with no responsibilities. I was already out of the game so watching was always my forte. Joahri was looking at Florian and I, as I was snuggled into his side as he played the card game.

“So what are y’all exactly? Cause y’all for sure as hell, ain't friendship with benefits. Y’all emotions are too attached.” The question threw me off, because I started choking on my Seagram's Jamaican Me Crazy wine cooler. Johari was never one to hold back, and that’s what Mike loved about her.

Florian couldn’t help but chuckle and rub my back a little to calm me down.

“Uh well. We’ve just been hanging out lately. Enjoying each other’s company.” I looked to Florian to help.

“We like hanging out with each other. I enjoy her company and she enjoys mine. Why put a label on things?” He explained a bit further and the look on Jojo’s face was unwavering. She wasn’t falling for it at all. Heating the doorbell ring, we were saved by the bell.

“What he said, labels aren’t needed. Imma get the door.” What did I want? I wanted him but I couldn’t say it yet. Answering the door, Cynthia and John stepped in, along with Destiny and Ryan. Filling the room with more love.

Just by the look on Florian’s face and the tone of his voice from earlier, he seemed to want things to go further that what they were. I couldn’t tell.

Did I want things to go further? I’m still married to the asshole who won’t sign the papers. Maybe it is time for a new outlook on life.

-Florian’s POV-

Did I want Geneva to be mine? Did I want her to feel safe; secured, loved and wanted? Did I want her away from Jake anyway? Yes I did.

I didn’t want her to feel unwanted anymore. I can’t stand seeing her hurt anymore either. With all the stories I’ve heard about Jake, and how he’s mistreated her. I just knew I had to make things right for her.

While she was distracted with the girls in the kitchen, I had to ask the guys for some help with a very creative strategy.

“Guys, I need your help with something.” I was nervous to say the least. I’ve never felt this way about anyone before and I think it’s time I make my feelings known.

“What’s up? You need help asking Geneva to be your girl?” Mike went straight to the point.

“Oh you tryin to ask our sis to be your girl? This outta be good.” Ryan chuckled gently, glancing around the room real quick.

“Well since we’re playing games tonight, got anything in mind?” Winston asked curiously. I had never met Winston fully, just in brief passing with Mike at parties.

“How about scrabble? We each form a word for me ask, I’ll take the last word.” Letting the guys know my plan, they all were in agreement and helped set up the board.

The guys gathered the game up and set it up. I had a necklace in my hoodie pocket I was gonna give her tonight anyway. Now was the best time.

“What y’all up to?” Once I heard that angelic voice I had to move fast, giving every team their pieces.

“Just getting ready to play scrabble. We’re doing teams, so little mama come here.” The slight blush on her caused the whole group to chuckle, as I placed her on my lap on the floor.

“Team scrabble? Interesting. Alright I’ll play.”

-Geneva’s POV-

The game went on for about an hour or so. My ass was getting sore from sitting so long, so I had to get up to so I could stretch. Placing a kiss on Florian’s head, I made sure to give him some love.

“Y’all need anything while I’m up?” Making my way to the kitchen, I grabbed the empty plates and cups. Turning up the volume on the speaker a bit.

“A few beers and Seagrams. I’ll come with ya.” Johari got up to help me while the others continued to play the game.

“So what’s up with you and Florian? Foreal sis come on now. No games, no shade.” Leaning against the counter, sighed gently with a smile.

“I like him. We mesh well together and he’s great company. I do kinda wanna date him though, it’s only fair since Jake moves on.” I started biting my lip thinking of all the moments Florian and I have shared over the last few months.

“You should! It’s your time now. Plus he sounds like a keeper.” Johari was glancing back into the game from for some reason.

“Gege! Come on it’s your turn with Florian!”

“Coming! He is. We should get back to the game.” Grabbing the bottles, making our way back to the game, I snuggled back in Florian’s lap. He moved to the couch this time.

For some reason the room was more mellow than normal, and the girls were giddy. What was going on?

“Alright. Mike went; Winston went next, Ryan and John. Now it’s my turn.” Florian explained and kissed my cheek. I was too preoccupied with my phone.

My mom had texted me about graduation, and when it was. I kept forgetting to let the family know about the date and time. Florian took his turn and tapped my thigh to let me know.

“Alright guys we are all out of tiles. I’ll tally up the scores.” Grabbing the notepad and pen, I glanced at the board once or twice. I saw something and I didn’t know if I was reading it right.

The group was minding their own business, till I got their attention by reading everything out loud.

“ ‘Will you be my girlfriend?’ How did y’all- oh my god.” I immediately looked at Florian with tearful eyes and the group erupting in cheers.

“Couldn’t think of a better way to ask, with the blessing of your friends of course, and Mike. So Geneva, will you?” Florian’s soft voice pulled me in, as the sounds hushed around us.

All I could focus on was him and him alone. Holding his face in my hands; taking in his after rain scent and resting my forehead on his I knew I was home. With him I was always home.

“Yes. I’ll be your girl, Florian.” Kissing him with everything in me, he held me close to his hard body but he felt soft in my hands.

“Ahem. Y’all we got others games to play.” Mike cleared his throat, before having to pulling us apart.

“Sorry. Oh Geneva, turn around real quick.”

I did as instructed and felt cold metal hit my neck. Glancing down, I noticed my zodiac sign around my neck, shining in the light of the ceiling fan. He clamped it shut and turned me back around.

“Perfect fit. Alright now, let’s play.” Kissing me gently, Florian busted out Jenga.

-3 games and yelling matches later-

It’s an intense game of Jenga going on. It was my turn to go, and I was nervous as hell.

“Ok babe. You got this. Don’t be nervous.” A little encouragement from the new boo, made it even worse.

Pulling the block from middle, watching the tower lean for he left I got nervous and it all came tumbling down.

“In that rubble, lies our relationship.” The mocking hey joking tone of his voice, caused me to smile.

“Ok Kyle.” Patting his cheek gently, I was gifted with a gorgeous smile that he is never afraid to show. The smile that would put the stars on Egypt to shame.

His type of smile though, was like no other. His smile was so bright and happy; full of life and wonder. Like a kid in a candy store, or a kid on Christmas Day. His smile was truly contagious.

John nodded towards Florian, to grab his attention. “Hey Florian can I ask you something?”

“Sure. What’s up?” Draping his arm around my shoulder, drawing me closer.

“Seeing as though Jake fucked up everything for himself, I want you to be one of my groomsmen. I see how well you’ve been treating Geneva and I think you should walk down the aisle with her. You’ve gained a friend in me.” He paused a bit and did the typical bro handshake with him.

“You’ve gained a brother from Ryan and I. Welcome to the group man.”

The look on his face was priceless and full of pure excitement. He couldn’t have been happier to be included.

“I’d be honored John. I’d love to walk with Geneva.” I felt his lips on my forehead, making my body feel all all warm and inviting.

“Game over let’s do something else. Mortal Kombat anyone?” Breaking my concentration wasn’t ever easy, but Florian managed to do so.

“Sure. I’ll play. Not sure how to do so, but I can always learn from a great teacher.” Sending a wink in his direction, I grabbed the other controller for the PS4 and got into position so her could “teach me” how to play.

Everyone else was in their zone, minding their own business, as Florian was giving me the rundown on the game. Little did he know, my two brothers taught me how to play whenever I’d come home on the weekends from college. They prepared me for this moment.

“Ready, draga?”

“Bring it.”

Fifteen minutes into the the game, he was kicking my ass in both matches. Time to kick it into high gear. The gag is, I was just messing with him.

“I’m gonna change my character real quick. If that’s ok with you?” The gentle tone of my voice made that precious smile come back.

He shrugged. “That’s fine with me baby girl.”

Going through the character list, tuning out everything around me, I focused on my strategy. I found the right character.

“Jade. Let’s do this baby.” Pressing start on the controller, I maneuvered in my spot on the couch and started to annihilate Florian in this game.

“What the hell…” he was in shock and I couldn’t help but laugh.

“Finish him!” The tv yelled through the Sony speakers, placed around the 75” flat screen.

With a sly smirk, and a burst of energy to leap up to squat on the couch, I caught the attention of our friends and they gathered around.

Michael got too excited, stomping his feet against the hardwood. “She’s gonna beat you bro.”

“Not by a long shot.” Florian gritted through his teeth, maneuvering the buttons on the controller.

“Final kill shot…”

“Nice try babe.” With one final move, Jade had sliced Raiden’s head clean off and stood proud with her staff.

“Fatality!” The room went silent, Florian dropped his controller in defeat and was wide eyed.

“How in the hell? I just taught you 5 min ago?” He looked at me in utter disarray.

I chuckled a bit. “No you didn’t.”

“Uh were you paying attention when I taught you earlier?” He was in straight disbelief and I was living for it.

“I was. But you forgot that I have two brothers that play this on the daily baby. I faked it, unlike other things.” Sending a wink in his direction, I got up to clean the rest of the plates.

As the party died down, our friends left for the night, I was left cleaning and Florian was messing with something in the house.

Next thing I know, I hear some Michael Jackson music and the adrenaline kicked in with me. Grooving to the beat to past the time, I felt his strong hands on my hips.

“Oh so I take it you’re feeling better after getting crushed?”

“You wound me Printesa. You wound me.”

Placing a kiss on his cheek, I moved my hips along with his to the funky beat of Pretty Young Thing. Truth be told he’s the first person I’ve danced with in my house. I never got to do a lot of things with Jake because he’d always be “busy” with work and it affected our relationship a lot.

I cherish the little moments I do get with Florian. When he’s away I find something to do, but it makes it all worth it in the end, when we meet back up in my hometown. The song shifted to a real old song that brought back memories and just felt right.

“Do you remember, when we fell in love. We were so young and innocent then.” He sung in my ear so elegantly, as he swayed with me in solitude and confinement.

I couldn’t help but sing back to him, doing a little spin turn, to have my back pressed against his chest.

“Do you remember, how it all began. It’s just seemed like heaven, so why did it then.”

His strong arms that were wrapped around me just right. I felt safe and secured in his embrace, I never wanted to leave. We continued to sing the song to each other, and gravity took us both towards my bedroom.

There was a glowing light illuminating from my room. The closer I got, the more the room came in visual and it was sight to behold.

It seems that when I was cleaning, he was setting this all up for us the whole time. I felt the tears on the edge of my eyes, one shed as I held my face together. Turning towards him I sniffled.

“Florian. What is all this for?”

He held my hand and guided me towards the grand king sized bed, that took up a good portion of space in the master bedroom. This condo was perfect in every way and I still have yet to call it my own.

“Well seeing as though we just started dating a few hours ago, 6 to be exact, I thought we’d consummate our relationship. By making love to my lady love.” We both looked into the mirror I had installed and just took in each other’s reflections.

He truly listened to me. It was rare to find a good man that listened. I was going to enjoy this by any means necessary. Changing the playlist to smooth jams, I faced him fully.

“You do listen to me. I’m glad you do.” I wrapped my arms around his neck.

“I wouldn’t have it any other way.” He wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me closer.

The music pulled us and guided us like a magnet. I took his black v-neck shirt off first, tracing the hard muscles with my nails with a featherlight touch. Our foreheads were touching, his hands were under the grey racerback I was wearing. My skin was on fire, but I loved every second of it.

Our lips were ghosting one another’s, a teasing game that only could be won by one. He gave in and smashed his lips against mine. Our lips moving in synchronization to the rhythm of our heartbeats, drawing me closer to him.

He broke the kiss for a split second, analyzing the room once again.

“Don’t need us both being poked with electric candles, now do we?” He set all the plastic candles on my dresser, then came back to me.

“No we don’t. But we do need less clothes.” Trying to be sexy, I slipped my tank top off. Only remaining clothing were my shorts; white lace bra and matching undies to hide my heated desire for the man standing in front of me.

I took it upon myself to slide off his basketball shorts, eyeing the man in front of me in all his naked glory.

“No boxers or briefs huh? You were thinking of getting lucky today weren’t you?” Kissing his chest softly, my hands gripped onto his ass tightly, gaining a moan from him.

In a blink of an eye, he yanks the rest of my clothes off, throws them somewhere in the room and made me jump up. Wrapping my legs around his waist, to continue the kiss, he laid us both on the bed.

“You’re the first woman I’ve ever gotten intimate with on this level. Face to face, pure and raw intensity. Just close.” He whispered in my ear hotly, as his fingers dragged along my curves. Making the room seem hotter than it already was.

“So far, you’re doing everything right.” In one hand I held the back of his neck while the other, yanked him by his chain around his neck, back to down to kiss me. His tongue fought for dominance with my own, a shaky moan erupted through my body once again.

The movement of his hips against mine were orgasmic and sensual. His weight on top of me, felt so delicious. I trusted him enough to not use a condom this time versus all the other times. Who knew that kissing could get you off.

“Geneva, do we-”

“No. I trust you. Remember what I told you? I trust you.” Nodding in more confirmation, I brushed my hips another time to get him inside me. I knew for a fact that I was not about to go to work in the morning and I didn’t care.

Smiling up at him, deep into his green-hazel speckled eyes, I saw a man that shown me so much love these past few months. A man who really cares for me deeply; physically, mentally and spiritually.

“Then I guess we can.” He captures my lips with his once again, lacing our fingers together above my head in an exultant feeling all over. My body overheated; I felt him rut against me, as I squeezed his fingers tight.

He broke the kiss to let me know to fully relax. I did so, and felt my velvet walls being stretched deliciously by by his hardened dick. I moaned sharply, arching my back off the black sheets, and dragged my nails up and down his back. We came once again just off of us humping each other.

My legs went back around his hips and constricted him like a python, egging him on even more to go faster. Letting out mini yells of his name along with multiple phrases in Romanian and German. His hands gripped my thighs tight.

“Lil Mama, come here.” He sat back, pulling out of me. I felt an emptiness, craving for him to be back inside me. He pulled me on to his lap, I sunk back down on instinct. I could tell he was chasing his 3 orgasm with me, so this next one was about to be ruthless.

The temperature increased; his hands hot and heavy on my hips, helping me rotate up and down. Forward and back, this time going with the rhythm of the music. I held the back of his head, gripping for dear life, resting my head on his as I went faster.

“Ah ah- fucking shit! Right there. Oh come on daddy.” I whined digging my nails deeper into his shoulder, feeling my 3rd orgasm coming faster. He looked me dead in my eyes and spoke with such dominance.

“Don’t call me daddy unless you trying to make me one.” Once he growled that against my lips, I purred back at him and caught his tongue with my lips, sucking gently. His eyes went big at how frisky the move was. I pushed him on his back, squeezing his dick inside me again and closing my eyes tight at the feeling of him. He leaned his head back and closed his eyes tight at the feeling.

I whispered against his lips, “If you play your cards right, maybe we can talk about kids. But I need a ring first.

“Only way I’d see it happening, baby girl.” One final kiss session, feeling the vibes again with one of my songs playing on my phone. Rolling my hips sinfully, leaning my head back and gripping my hair I gasped sharply.

“I’m so close…”

“I am too. Let go with me baby girl.” He leaned up, kissing my chest, sucking one of my nipples in his mouth and then moved his thumb against my clit. My orgasm erupted before his own.

I moved quick and fast to slide off him and take him in my mouth. He had to get off by the end of the night or I wouldn’t feel good about it. Tasting myself on his dick, made me wet all over again.

“Shit baby- goddamn.” He held the back of my head, I relaxed my jaw and used my tongue to my leverage. I had him whimpering like a little kid, and I loved it. Using one of my hands to get the rest of him in my mouth, I kissed his thighs a bit before going back at it.

He smacked my ass one good time, which made me moan around his throbbing dick. He released down my throat, I swallowed every drop and crawled back up his sweaty body. Kissing him gently, rubbing my nose with his.

“You smacked my ass like you own it.”

“I kinda do, draga. I kinda do.” He smirked at my gasp, as I hit him playfully.

Stretching a bit, I sat up and smiled at him.

“I trust you remember that ok?” I reminded him. He nodded sweetly and pulled me back down onto his chest. Which was heaving up and down a bit.

“Shower or sleep? Or both?” I traced shapes on his chest gently, hiking my leg over his.

“Both. I’ll even switch the sheets out. Plus I owe you in the morning.” Picking me up bridal style towards my master bathroom, I let out a sweet giggle.

“Definitely gonna need that cause I’m not into work tomorrow.” Loving the feel of the bow water on my body and my hair, I helped him wash his hair and he did mine.

After what seemed like hours, we were both dressed: the sheets were changed and the room was cooler. Falling asleep to his voice made it easier and the nightmares were gone.

“I could stay like this forever with you.” Is what I could’ve sworn I heard him say, but I was too deep into my sleep to pay attention. I couldn’t see myself with anyone else.

[outerspaceisbetterthannothing]

Blame [Surgeon!Calum AU] Ch.3

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7

Summary: What do you do if the only person you feel the connection to is the person you blamed for your sibling’s death?

A/N: This thing came up from my headass asks to wonderful Summer about neonatal surgeon!Calum au, which you can see here and here and here to understand the concept. I didn’t plan to do it at all, but the idea stuck in my mind and with support and encouragement from Summer, I came up with that. This is my first time publishing anything on Tumblr, so the feedback is extremely appreciated. Enjoy

Warnings: much less angst (I promised it’ll get better very soon), couple curse words, lack of proofreading

Chapter 3

The morning was gloomy just like Anna’s mood. She yawned again and switched off the stove, her fried eggs almost ready. She grimaced, moving them to the plate and sitting at the table. She didn’t like fried eggs, but that was basically the last piece of food in her fridge.

She remembered yesterday’s wish to cook something for dinner. Like there was anything to actually cook.

She added grocery shopping to the to-do list she was currently making up in her head and winced at too bitter taste of coffee. She ran out of milk… when exactly? Last week?

Anna wasn’t typically so bad at housekeeping. But last week’s events really messed with her routine. If things had gone differently, she wouldn’t have sat here having breakfast out of the last two eggs from her fridge. She would have been staying at Staten Island with her parents, helping around the house. She’d planned to be back to her flat the very morning of her first classes and purposefully emptied her fridge not really wishing to deal with spoilt leftovers. Now she had to adapt to new circumstances.

She finished her eggs and gave it another thought. It was Thursday morning. She was about to leave to her parents’ the next afternoon and stay at their house for as long as possible. Was it reasonable to go grocery shopping now? Or better fall back into the sinful habit of takeaways?

The very moment she was tossing between those two options, her phone vibrated shortly.

Anna took a deep breath and checked her messages. It was Ally. Anna felt her heart slowing down. Of course it was just Allie and not him.

“Jo’s cooking lasagna tonight, so I thought about grabbing some Thai food. What do u say? Noodles and wine?”

Anna couldn’t help smirking to that. Jo had an Italian Grandma, who she’d never seen in her life. Grandma Falsetti died pretty young, couple years before Jo’s Mom and Dad even met. Nevertheless Jo felt some deep connection to her late Grandma Falsetti. This connection came out in a peculiar idea that Jo had a secret talent to cook true Italian lasagna. How and when that idea settled in Jo’s eccentric mind girls had no idea. But every now and then Jo tried to prove her secret and probably yet sleeping cooking talent. She bought everything the little Italian grocery shop nearby could offer and started another crusade towards her dream dish. It would have been probably an easier task if she’d ever looked up any lasagna recipes. But Jo didn’t believe in online cookbooks and instead had an absolute faith in her spiritual connection to Grandma Falsetti. Allie and Anna never questioned that connection. They learned after the first lasagna dinner that Jo was her own fiercest critic, and every result of her desperate attempts to wake up her Italian roots was eventually thrown away. And every lasagna dinner was easily turned into a pizza dinner. Or Chinese dinner. Today it was Thai. Anna particularly adored lasagna dinners for their optimistic spirit. Jo, being a crazy passionate optimist, was never taken down by her failures in the kitchen and kept repeating that every experience was an experience. At least now she knew several wrong ways to cook lasagna, which only brought her closer to the right one.

Today’s invitation, being welcoming and well-timed on its own, also solved her grocery shopping dilemma.

Annabelle typed back “Sure! Will be there by 8. Wine’s on me” and wanted to switch off the phone but halted, her gaze settled at the contact name of the next dialogue. Her heartbeat picked up its pace again. She opened the tab, scrolled up to the very beginning and started rereading their messages. As if she hadn’t already learned them by heart.

She remember last night’s hesitation and sudden urge to text him. Still hadn’t quite understood what made her do it. And of course the first ever idea of what to type was exactly as silly as all her words said or sent to him so far.

23.46 “What would’ve happened if I’d taken a coffee?”

Even several hours later she still blushed rereading that. Why couldn’t she have started with simple “Hi” or “It’s Anna, sorry to bother”? Why her subconscious was making her look ridiculous?

23.47 “There would’ve been one coffee less on the table in the on-call room”

The speed and simplicity of his answer was calming and exciting at the same time. He stated that just like they were continuing a conversation they’d paused a minute ago and not fifteen hours. It made her almost dizzy. To the point of completely losing her mind judging by her next questions.

23.48 “That easy?”

23.49 “That easy”

23.49 “And nothing more?”

23.50 “And nothing more”

Anna dropped her phone on the table and hid her face in her hands, groaning quietly. Such a dumbass…

She recalled staring at his short unimaginative responses last night for couple minutes. After which she’d remembered about good manners.

23.54 “Sorry for the late night messages”

“Especially so stupid ones,” she thought now.

23.55 “I’ve at least 8 more hours on a shift so not so late night for me”

23.55 “Oh, ok”

The sounds, that were Anna’s reaction to that fine piece of epistolary genre, were hardly human.

23.56 “Working tmrrw too?”

23.57 “No, days off till Sat. Y?”

Anna’s hands started shaking again, almost like last night when she was typing her next message, praying at the same time for an alien invasion which would instantly block all the mobile connection and stop her from finishing her question. Whatever impediment this insane world could offer would actually do, she’d thought, cause she wasn’t able to stop her fingers from typing and feared to death to actually ask him what she was about to ask.

23.59 “Could we maybe meet up? For a coffee or sth? I really need to talk to you”

She still couldn’t believe she wrote about coffee. But as usual realisation came after she pressed send. She’d sat on her bed after that biting her fingers nervously and looking at three little dots showing on his side of the screen.

00.00 “Sure. Fri noon ok?”

Annabelle hadn’t noticed she’d hold her breath till she got that text. She’d gasped for air and almost jumped on her bed.

00.01 “Yeah, totaly”

00.02 “Let’s hold on to that, but i’ll confirm tomorrow evening in case they call me in overnight”

00.02 “Yeah, cool”

00.03 “Goodnight then”

Anna exhaled loudly rereading that last message from him for a thousandth time at least.

Why that simple sign of politeness was raising such sensation in her? Why did she see something more than just politeness behind those two words? And why everything about that man was so damn intense?

***

“It’s all about the right mood,” Jo repeated for the third time, putting her future masterpiece in the oven.

“Whose mood exactly?” mocked her Allie. Jo continued staring into the oven through the thick glass and didn't pay much attention to her friend’s words.

“Yeah, Jo, whose mood?” joined Anna, “A cook’s?”

“Or maybe guest’s?”

“No, no, no, I know! It’s all about the lasagna’s mood!” Anna started giggling, mostly because of her fair share of wine, consumed while Jo was cooking.

Jo smirked, standing up. “You are absolute bitches today, ladies! Congratulations!”

Anna and Allie raised glasses in a joky toast from the opposite side of a kitchen island.

“So, how are your parents?” Allie asked in much more serious tone.

Anna put her glass down and shrugged silently. Jo sent Allie disapproval look.

“You’ve seen my Mom in the hospital. She tries to act normal. But of course it’s hard. It’s hard for everyone,” finally said Anna. “I don’t even know what is worse, the way she acts now, or if she spent all her time alone and crying and mourning.”

“Of course second option is worse, darling,” said Jo softly.

“But shouldn’t you like… go through it. You know, anger, depression, all that stuff. I feel like she’s stuck in her denial phase. What if she’s actually harming herself that way?”

Jo was obviously lost for words. Allie sighed deeply and noted, “Everybody copes their own way. Knowing Jennifer, it’s quite understandable that she doesn’t want other people to see her grief. She’s exactly that type of woman who’d cry for three days and then stand up and go on with her life. She was never the one to dwell.”

Anna nodded, took another sip of her wine. “I get it. And you right. It’s just. I don’t know, I feel like I miss on something. The way they react… We did have time to prepare to any outcome, knowing about Grayson’s heart condition for some time. But… I sometimes feel like they overcame it in like couple hours. I know they actually didn’t, they do grieve. But the fact that they don’t really show it leaves me confused. Because I don’t understand anything. What should I do? Should I cry? Should I be angry? Should I let go and act it like there were no baby at all? I cried with my Mom the very first day, I had my gush of anger. But now…” she shook her head. “I’m literally at a loss. And my emotions are at a verge. One moment I’m completely alright, the next I’m sobbing in the middle of a parking lot. I mean, what is wrong with me?”

“Hey, nothing is wrong with you,” reassured her Jo, while Allie simply hugged Anna and stayed like that. “There is no instruction that will tell you how you should feel. Because there’s no should, Belle. You just feel, the way you do. And if it means crying in the middle of the fucking parking lot, then fine!”

Anna snorted to that, feeling tears in her eyes. “I just feel like a freak.”

“You’re not. You are hurting. It’ll take time. Just give it some time,” almost whispered Allie.

“Guess, you’re right.”

Anna took another sip of her wine and went faster, like she just remembered it. “About Saturday, there’ll be no funeral. Mom wanted cremation. So it’ll be just a little memorial-ish stuff at our house, nothing official at all. Only family and closest friends. Will you come anyway?’

“Of course, darling,” confirmed Allie. “Noon?”

“Yeah.”

They kept silence for some time, drinking and not looking at each other. Then Jo, visibly hesitating, decided to ask. “Belle, is Bryan going to come?”

Allie rolled her eyes to that question and Anna snorted.

“Yes, Jo, I’m sorry to upset you, but Bryan is going to be there. We messaged yesterday and he confirmed, that he won’t leave for school till Monday.”

“Messaged?” Jo asked in slight confusion. “You didn't talk to him?”

Anna shrugged nonchalantly, than added. “Wasn't feeling like talking.” And set her gaze at the wine glass she was twisting in her fingers.

Jo looked at Allie, who shook her head asking Jo to drop the topic. Jo widened her eyes in fake innocence when Anna sighed and gave in. “Say it,” she stated firmly.

“What?” Jo decided to continue acting innocent.

“Whatever you wanted to say. Just say it.”

“I just-” Jo hesitated for a moment, which made Anna look up at her friend in mild surprise. If there was one thing Jo could never be accused of it was hesitation. “Don't you think it's rather odd, Belle? He’s your boyfriend of more than three years and you wasn't feeling like talking to him in the probably darkest moment of you life.”

Anna frowned and looked at Allie. “Do you think it's odd too?”

Allie shook her head finishing her wine. “Can you please keep me out of this conversation?” she said, when realised that her friends’ gazes didn't move from her.

“No?” Anna raised her eyebrows.

Allie rolled her eyes at Jo and looked at her empty glass. “Well, I guess, it is a little odd. I guess if I was in the relationship I would want the guy to take care of me in such moment,” she shrugged. “But everybody's different. And if you feel like being alone, it seems totally fine to me,” she concluded, stressing her last words and looking at Jo again.

“Well, I'm sorry for being so hard-heartedly honest, but it doesn't really seems fine to me,” stated Jo.

A loud sound struck in the settled silence. Anna looked back at the couch where she left her phone. “To tell the truth, Jo, Bryan is definitely the last of my problems right now.”

She stood up and stepped to the couch to check the message. She was intended to keep her face emotionless not to give much away (mostly because there was literally nothing to give away), but she couldn't help her smile when she saw the contact name.

“Still up for that coffee?”

Her fingers started typing before she even thought about her reply. She waited a moment till he sent her an address of a little coffee shop next to the NY public library, switched her screen off, went back to the kitchen island and realised that girls’ gazes were on her all that time.

“What?” she played dumb under Jo’s questioning look.

“Who was that?” Jo obviously had a hard time trying to suppress her curiosity. Anna looked at her, then at Allie, who as usual wasn't giving much away, but was definitely interested too.

“That was…” Anna stumbled. How would she explain all of it?

“Don't say that was nobody!” exclaimed Jo. “I swear, Belle, if you say it was nobody, I'll steal you phone and look.”

Anna was taken aback. “Hey, chill, would you? Why does it even matter?”

“Because you smiled,” quietly said Allie and Anna felt almost betrayed.

“And not just smiled! You smiled your special little smile,” continued Jo as she started to slightly bounce on her tiptoes impatiently.

“Special smile? I don't have any special smiles, what are you even talking about?”

“You do,” noted Allie matter of factly.

“See? Thank you, Allie! Now spill the beans!”

“There's nothing to spill. It was Dr. Hood.” She took a bottle and poured herself more wine, but mostly just to occupy herself with something cause she suddenly felt awkward.

“Dr. Hood?” Jo repeated in disbelief and Allie almost choked on her wine. “Is it that hot doctor we saw staring at you at the hospital?”

“Well, yes,” Anna confirmed, still not risking to look at her friends.

Jo shrieked and spinned throwing her arms up in the air. “I knew it!” she yelled looking at Anna with excitement. “I knew there was something between the two of you!”

“There’s literally nothing between us, I swear,” Anna said holding her hands up in calming gesture.

“Wait, first things first! How did it even happen that you text?” bursted Allie being as excited as Jo, to Anna’s utter bewilderment.

“Well, he gave us his card, you know, just in case, when Mom only got to the hospital,” Anna explained.

Jo gave a whistle. “So it was you who texted first? I can say that I've never been so proud of you, my little Belle!”

Anna sighed and hid her head in her hands. “It’s absolutely not like that, Jo!” she groaned. “Can you not, please?”

“Then just tell us!” begged Jo.

“I shouted at him, okay?” Anna confessed, still hiding her face. Then she took a deep breath, took her hand off of her face and met two shocked stares. “The gush of anger I had,” she started explaining. “It was the very night Grayson died. I'd been hiding in the hospital corridors for some time, needed some privacy to bail my eyes out, you know. And then I decided to come back to my Mom's room and I saw him in a hall. And… it was really awful. I blamed him for everything, said he hadn't saved my brother, that it was his fault. Then started crying again. An absolute mess.”

Anna shook her head on the unwanted memory.

“What did he do?” Allie asked softly.

“Nothing much. He held me the whole time I was crying, ‘s all.”

The room was silent for some time.

“So why did you text him?” finally asked Jo.

Anna looked up at her. “I asked him to meet me. I need to apologize properly for what a horrible person I was to him.”

“Anna,” Allie gasped putting her hand on Anna’s back and stroking her soothingly. “You aren't a horrible person. You were devastated by your loss. What you did is more than understandable.”

Anna chuckled bitterly. “It wasn't actually the only shit thing I did.”

“What?”

“The day you came to visit my Mom, I was sitting on the bench in front of the hospital that morning. I was sitting there every morning before entering, actually. Needed a moment to myself, you know. So he sat next to me and offered coffee he’d bought for me. And I just shoved him off like a total bitch. And he just tried to be friendly.”

“Belle, I'm sure he understands,” tried to reassure her Jo.

“Of course, he does,” Annabelle agreed. “But that's not the point at all. The way I acted, that's not me. I'm not that person and I need him to know it. I can't explain, but I just can't leave it like that. I owe him an apology no matter what reasons I had.”

“When are you meeting?” Jo asked a moment later.

“Tomorrow noon,” she answered as Jo’s oven alarm went off.

Jo bounced again in anticipation and picked potholders. “Finally!” she breathed out, opening the oven.

They understood something was wrong as soon as Jo started cutting it in portions. The dish was basically breaking under her knife with loud crunching. Allie and Anna looked at each other too scared to say a word. Jo groaned, mumbled something about “the fucking fuck” and threw another result of her cooking into her trash bin. Then she looked up at girls and asked, looking tired and pissed, “So, what did you bring today?”

“Thai,” confessed Allie with shy smile. “But we need to heat it up.”

“Well, you know how to use my microwave,” Jo shrugged waving to Anna. “Belle, give me that damn bottle, will you? I need to drink up that disaster.”

Annabelle giggled, handing Jo wine and smiling at the visibly lightening mood. She couldn't help but thought that no matter what was happening in her life, lasagna dinners would always be there to save her from all the troubles. And at that moment she couldn't be more grateful for that.

***

“Are you sure you wanna go today?” her dad asked for at least fourth time. “Traffic’s gonna be awful.”

Anna smiled. “Dad, it's New York, traffic’s gonna be awful no matter when I decide to come.”

He chuckled lightly. “Okay, sweetheart. You gonna stay for the whole weekend?”

“No, actually I was about to stay till Tuesday. I've got first class in the afternoon so I could leave in the morning.”

“You sure?”

“Well, yeah. As long as you okay with me bothering you for so long,” she joked.

“Don't be silly.” Annabelle could see her Dad’s frown right now and smiled wider. “I just thought as it’s your last weekend before school starts you’d want…”

Anna didn't let him finish. “There’s no other place I’d rather be right now, Dad.”

“Sure thing, Anna.”

“I'll text you when I set off, ‘kay? Don't start dinner without me!”

“Can't promise you anything, sweetheart. Your Mom’s cooking curry tonight so…”

“I won't speak to you ever again if you start without me!” she threatened, giggling.

“I'm just saying I wouldn't waste much time for packing if I were you,” Mark teased again.

“I’m leaving right now,” Anna heard her father chuckle again and the sound made her heart shrink. Or maybe it was the sight of a tall man in black shirt and black jeans waiting for her outside of a quite busy coffee shop. Anna felt her hands starting to shake. “Dad, I have to go, but I'll text you later.”

“Okay, darling. I love you.”

“Love you too. See you tonight,” Anna mumbled and finished her call.

That very moment he saw her and put his phone he was scrolling through while waiting in the pocket of his jeans.

Anna felt her heart setting off in a running pace. Say Hi or Hello? Smile or better not? What was more appropriate in conversation with a man she’d accused of the most horrible things?

“I thought of buying us coffee, but realised you’ve never actually told me,” he said with a ghost of a smile on his lips, saving her from struggling with her first words.

“Never told you what?” Anna felt lost at this.

“What coffee you prefer,” he explained and let smile touch his face finally.

Anna widened her eyes half because of the fact that she didn't understand that herself, half because he wanted to buy her coffee even after she shoved him off the last time he did. “Er, cappuccino would be fine, but you don't have to buy me coffee,” she shook her head frowning a little.

He shrugged and stepped into the coffee shop without sparing her another word. Anna followed him just to see the barista noticing him and raising an eyebrow in a silent question.

“I was right,” told him Dr. Hood leaving Anna even more at a loss.

The barista guy smirked and handed him two coffee cups, giving Anna an examining look.

Dr. Hood turned back to Anna and gestured her to go back to the street.

“There are tables in the park across the street,” he showed her. “We can sit there and talk. And here's your cappuccino,” he handed her a cup and stepped towards the said park.

“So you did buy me coffee,” she concluded looking at his back and following him suit.

He shrugged and Anna thought she heard him snort. “It was a lucky shot. You just seemed like a cappuccino type,” he said and looked at her as they entered the park.

“A cappuccino type,” Anna murmured to herself having close to no clue what he was actually talking about. What was a cappuccino type after all?

“Well thanks for the coffee,” she said as they settled at a table next to a big tree and as far away from the walking paths as possible. She noted his lips twitch a little. “And thank you for not commenting on it further,” she sighed, looking away from him.

“Any time,” he answered, took a sip of his coffee and asked, “How have you been?”

Anna shrugged. What could she answer to that? Was she alright? She wasn’t even sure what alright was anymore. She looked back at him, taking slightly aback by the unexpected seriousness in his eyes. She shrugged again and saw his nod of understanding. He wasn’t looking at her with sympathy or pity, wasn’t judgemental or embarrassed by the pain behind that shrug. He just understood. And surprisingly it was exactly what she needed right now.

“So why did you wanna see me?” he asked after another minute of sitting there in silence.

Anna felt tears coming up to her eyes and took a deep breath. She wasn’t going to cry in front of him, not again. She gathered all the courage she had left in her and breathed out, “Dr. Hood, I-”

“It’s Calum,” he interrupted her with a shy smile.

Anna looked up at him again. “Um, what?”

“My name is Calum,” he repeated, his smile widening. “We’re no longer in doctor-patient relationship. Truth to be told we’ve never actually were. But anyway, call me Calum, please. Dr. Hood still has me a little uncomfortable,” he admitted.

“Oh, okay,” Annabelle mumbled, cursing herself again for the stupid childish answers. “Well, Calum, I just wanted to apologize,” she stated, looking at her hands, started picking on her nail polish out of nervousness. “For the night it all happened and for the Wednesday morning too. I had no right to blame you for what happened, I know you’ve done everything that was possible. And I’m sorry I was a total bitch to you when you just tried to be friendly. And-”

“Hey, don’t,” he stopped her again and suddenly Anna felt his right hand gripping on hers. His hand was hot and soft and so big, with three letters tattooed between his thumb and index finger. He waited till she looked back at him and said softly, “You don’t have to apologize. I totally understand.”

Anna shook her head and leaned back on her chair, her hands are still in his grip. She noticed with her side sight a little girl in pretty pink dress running excitedly around a woman several meters behind Calum and felt tears coming up again. “It doesn’t matter if I had a reason or not. I’m thankful you understand, but I still had no right to act like I did towards you. And I’m so sorry that I did. And I really hope you could forgive me, cause honestly words cannot even start to explain how grateful I am for everything you did.”

Calum smiled again and started with, “Anna, you-” but this time he was interrupted.

Two tiny hands gripped on his left arm and a chubby cheek pressed to his tattooed biceps. Calum turned his look to the little intruder. Annabelle freed her hands from his grip and looked at a little girl in confusion. Pretty pink dress with a flowery print told her it was the same girl she noticed couple minutes ago. The girl was about three, had pretty curls the color of milk chocolate and big blue eyes, which were fixed on Calum’s still slightly surprised face.

“And who is that here?” he chuckled, big smile on his face.

“It’s just me, doctah Cawum,” she replied and giggled, not looking anywhere but at him. “I made a wish I meet you today,” she revealed shyly and giggled again.

“Seems like a real magic to me,” Calum chuckled again, standing up from his chair and bending down to the girl. “Now, I guess I deserve my hug.”

The girl laughed happily, as he lifted her up and spinned couple of times, squeezing her in his massive arms. They stopped and the girl pulled back a little, settling comfortable on his hip. That was exactly when a woman the girl was with came up to them, she looked a little embarrassed and angry.

“Aubrie, how many times do I need to tell you not to run away from me?” she nagged little girl in a rather soft voice.

“But I saw doctah Cawum!” Aubrie stated, like it was totally indulging. The woman snorted, looking at the man holding her little daughter. “Of course you did,” she sighed. “Hello, Calum! And I’m sorry we interrupted you,” she looked apologetically at Anna.

Calum hugged her with his free arm with no hesitation. “Don’t be ridiculous, I’m always glad to see you. This is Anna, by the way,” he looked back at Annabelle. Anna smiled at the woman. “And these are Laura and my favourite patient Princess Aubrie,” he introduced them, bouncing Aubrie on his hip.

“I’m not a patient, I’m your friend!” exclaimed Aubrie and hid her face in his neck.

“Oh, I’m so silly! I’m sorry, princess, of course you’re my friend!” he agreed easily and moved his gaze to Laura. “You were at the hospital? How is our little girl?”

“Yeah, we were at the usual checking. Dr. Irwin said she’s absolutely okay. Even approved on dancing classes,” she smiled, stroking Aubries curls.

“Will you come to my concert when I be dancin’ pwincess?” Aubrie asked, pulling away and looking at Calum with eyes full of adoration.

“Wouldn’t miss it for the world,” he promised, hugging her again.

“Okay, angel, we have to go,” her mother sighed. “Hug doctor Calum goodbye and let’s go.”

“No, Mama,” whined Aubrie and clung on Calum’s neck with both hands, making him laugh quietly.

“Remember you wanted to buy those beautiful cups for your garden party? If we go now we’ll probably have enough time to do it today,” traded Laura with a mischievous grin.

Her trick obviously worked, as Aubrie let go off Calum’s neck with a sad expression on her face.

“Will you come to my garden party?” she asked him, before letting him put her down.

“Well, if your Mom and Dad are okay with that,” he hold back for a moment.

“Come on, Calum, you know, you are always a welcome guest in our house,” smiled Laura at him.

“I will most definitely come,” Calum promised to the little girl in his arms. “When is it going to be?”

“Next Saturday, at around three,” said Laura, as Aubrie struggled with answering, probably not very good with days and time yet.

“Then I’ll see you there, right, princess?” Calum asked Aubrie, and she nodded excitedly, glowing with happiness.

He hugged Aubrie one more time, they said their goodbyes with Laura, who shared one more smile with Anna, and with that they left.

Calum stood there for a moment more, looking after them, and then sat back down on his chair, shy smile still on his lips.

“Sorry about that,” he mumbled, looking at Anna.

“That’s okay,” she smiled back, even though her heart was aching from the sight of a happy little kid. “Did you treat her?”

Callum hummed admittedly.

“Tell me about it,” Anna asked.

Calum frowned, her request took him by surprise.

“Well, Aubrie was one of my first patients after I started operating after couple of years of residency. She was born premature and had a heart condition.”

“Like my brother?”

“Not exactly,” he shook his head, his stare not leaving Anna’s face for a moment. “There was a little problem with her cardiac valve, it’s rather easier than what your brother had. She was operated on the third day after her birth and spent almost four weeks after that in an NICU. She needs regular check ups now. Although her chances of living a healthy life without any other operations are very high.”

“You aren’t the one who checks up on her?” Anna asked, slightly confused.

“No, my job is finished after the first month of their life,” Calum explained. “Then we pass our little patients on to pediatrics. But I do like to follow their progress,” he finished quietly.

Anna nodded, not really knowing what to say to that.

“Why’d you ask?”

She looked straight at Calum and felt a lonely tear fall down her cheek.

“I don’t really know,” she said, wiping a tear with her hand and smiling apologetically. “Just needed some good story, I guess.”

“Hey,” Calum stretched his arm forward and grabbed her hand again, making her shake a little. “There’ll be plenty of them in your life. Just give them some time.”

She smiled back at him and sniffed. She squeezed his hand in silent thank you and offered, “Do you, maybe, wanna walk a little? Of course, if you’re not-”

“I’m not,” he smirked, standing and pulling her up by her hand, “whatever you wanted to say next.”

Anna let him snake his arm around her shoulders and lead up the street. She was dazed by his easiness and by the way her heart felt lighter. She couldn’t even try to explain all the things she felt, too overwhelmed by his presence. But she was absolutely positive about one thing. She wanted nothing more than to spend the rest of the day with his arm around her shoulders.

Taglist: @dancingonanemptywallet @5saucewho

[artificialqueens]

Say My Name Part 3 (Rajaska) - Albatross

AN: it’s finally finished…the main story anyway…when i first started writing this fic i only intended for it to be rajaska but as i worked on it, i kinda realized that the pairing is even cuter when you throw a third person into the mix (you can guess who). at least i think it’s cuter that way…so i’m gonna write up a (hopefully) short sequel some time in the next few weeks. aside from that, i’m looking to finish off AAA girls fic in about 2 weeks and i’ve started a third/fourth series (that phrasing will make more sense later on). thanks to everyone who’s been showing support as i finish up this story, i’m sorry the updates haven’t been as frequent as they could have been. love you guys so much <3

“Go get her!” Willam shouted through the window of his car as Alaska rushed into the terminal to catch her plane in time.

True, she wasn’t late just yet but after spending so much time in airports flying from one gig to the next, Alaska knew how unpredictable flight departure times could be. She and Willam had put together a quick carry-on bag and made it out the door in under 30 minutes but the traffic leading to the airport was much heavier than either of them would have expected. Still, her plane wasn’t scheduled to leave for nearly another hour so she felt rather safe now that she was standing in line at the counter to check in and receive her boarding pass.

She easily fell back into the well practiced motions of working her way through security and finding the correct departure gate, it was almost second-nature to her at this point. This was such a routine experience that she barely noticed the time passing by until she heard the boarding announcements over the intercom and took her place in the queue to enter the plane’s cabin. Even as she took her seat and listened to the mandatory safety instructions, this hardly felt any different from any other trip she had taken. She was almost at ease in the familiar setting but that soon changed once the plane roared to life and began to roll down the runway. As the aircraft ascended it felt like her stomach had been left on the ground and her brain finally seemed to comprehend the gravity of her situation.

She had decided to do all of this on a whim; booking a hotel and flight out to Raja’s next show to try and apologize again in person. It was so incredibly risky Alaska couldn’t believe she gone through with it with so little planning. It hadn’t even been a full 24 hours since the events at Fubar, yet here she was flying across the country just to make up with Raja. Yes, she had shown concern for her by asking Willam to reach out with an update after he had checked on Alaska but by no means did that mean she was any less upset from earlier. If anything Alaska’s irrational actions might have pissed her off even more. And now here she was, showing up out of the blue to one of her gigs without even so much as a head’s up text? God, she could be so short-sighted…

No.

She wasn’t going to think like that. Raja means a lot to her. Its not love, not yet, but maybe it could be and if she waited until Raja’s touring was over before fixing this, she knew she would never forgive herself for it. She had to push aside her anxiety if she was going to pursue this relationship. Yes, it was going to be uncomfortable but she knew that Raja was more than worth it…even Willam agreed with her. If he felt that this wasn’t something that would be in her best interest, he would not hesitate to tell her, she was certain of that.

To distract herself from any more intrusive thoughts or self-doubt, she decided to focus on what she would say to Raja. Everything she came up with felt lazy and incomplete at first; like there would never be enough words in any language to describe how sorry she was or how much she wanted to build a true relationship with her. But slowly little by little, Alaska pieced together what she felt was almost the perfect apology or at least somewhere to start the dialogue. It had taken more time than she cared to admit just to reach a point where she was satisfied with what she would use to open the conversation but by the time the plane pulled into the airport for a not-so-brief layover, Alaska felt confident she at least had the groundwork laid out for what she felt would be one of the most potentially life-altering conversations of her life.

Booking the flight so last minute meant that she had the very last pick of available tickets. She felt rather lucky that she managed to find even an economy seat for a flight with only one stop before reaching its destination. Granted this wasn’t the busiest time for people to be traveling (the first plane had left LAX just a bit after 9 PM) and the layover time reflected that…she had roughly 5 hours to kill, so long as there were no delays with the connecting flight. She took that time to grab a quick bite to eat and consume enough coffee to keep her awake until she was back on the plane.

After the final ascent into the air, Alaska allowed herself to fall asleep for the remaining 4 hours of her flight. Even though the time difference wasn’t more than three hours, she wanted to be completely awake for the long night ahead. It was a troubled sleep but that was to be expected between her own fears of what would happen when she faced Raja and the unpredictable tilting and rocking of the plane as it hit periodic patches of turbulence. When the plane finally touched down it was just about noon on the Eastern coast and Alaska was starving with just a hint of jet lag to boot. Thankfully, she only had her carry-on containing her luggage but it still took nearly 45 minutes before she was able to work her way through the airport and leave for the hotel.

The very first thing she did upon entering the building was make her way to their cafe area, ordering yet more coffee and something to fill her stomach for lunch. But as much as she wanted to eat, her stomach was still uneasy and she could only bring herself to finish about half of the meal she ordered. Pushing the plate away with a sigh, she checked in at the front desk and made her way up to her room. Throwing herself onto the mattress, Alaska pulled out her phone to text Willam that she had made it there safely. Within five minutes, he sent a short reply wishing her luck and warning her not to chicken out. Part of her wondered if he ever got around to calling Raja back and if so, would he mention where she was. The answers were almost certainly ‘Yes’ and 'No’ but as curious as she was, it didn’t feel quite right to ask him.

Every so often she would replay exactly what she intended to say to Raja, making minor adjustments here and there, to ensure she wouldn’t forget it. As the minutes ticked by the butterflies she felt seemed to multiply exponentially. Not even performing before massive audiences was she ever this nervous. She toyed with the idea of trying to reach out to Raja before the show but every time her fingers hovered over her contact information, her mind dove into all of the potentially disastrous outcomes. It would be best just to wait until they were face to face…

When it finally came time to leave for the venue she felt a strange combination of relief and impending dread. As she waited for the Uber driver to pick her up, she was genuinely tempted to cancel the request. The three things that prevented her from doing so were that 1. it would just be plain rude when he was already so close to her location, 2. Willam would never let her hear the end of it if he found out and of course 3. Raja. No further explanation needed on the last one.

By some stroke of luck the club was only a 10 minute ride from the hotel and if she had been inclined to, she probably could have walked there with little effort. But given that she was not all too familiar with this area it was probably safer just to be driven to the show. Even though she hadn’t performed in this location more than maybe once or twice, she was almost immediately recognized by the manager who was assisting at the bar that night. They engaged in a bit of small talk as Alaska ordered her drink which ended with Alaska emphatically asking her if it would be possible for other queens not to be told that she was in the audience tonight. With an understanding smile, she assured Alaska she would do her best keep any mention of her from appearing in the dressing room. Gratefully, Alaska thanked her and asked hopefully if it might also be alright for her to speak with Raja after the show.

“Of course!” she replied as she worked on mixing another drink. “There’s the meet and greet right after, but if you don’t mind waiting till she’s done, you’re absolutely welcome to go back there.”

Shooting her a wide smile, Alaska promised to take her up on the offer and disappeared into the crowd with a slightly more positive outlook. She made sure to stick to the shadows and remain as far out of sight as possible but no less than 8 people spotted her and asked for a picture. Obliging, she posed with each requester and prayed that nothing would alert Raja to the fact that she was here. It was one of the many times she was glad a queen wasn’t as active on social media as they could be. Eventually the show began and Alaska became just another face in the crowd. Watching Raja perform was mesmerizing and it reminded her all over again what had attracted her in the first place. Of course Raja was an amazing artist, but it was Sutan that had kept her interested beyond a strictly professional level. It was always the times when it was simply 'Justin and Sutan’ that held the fondest memories for her.

And maybe it was just a bit of wishful thinking, but when Alaska starting analyzing every detail of Raja’s numbers, her face always seemed to be tinged with the slightest hint of sadness, even during the most upbeat songs when she would plaster the widest smile on her face. The entire show ended up being quite long thanks to the sheer number of artists performing that night but Alaska barely noticed the ache in her feet until the queens exited the stage for the last time and the lights came back on. She found her way back to the bar and ordered another drink as the hostess gave the usual announcements regarding the different meet and greet tiers and of course, plugs for other upcoming shows. Most of the general audience quickly dispersed due to the late hour, aside from those trying to fit in one last drink or hit on someone they had been eyeing throughout the show.

Alaska absently watched the other attendees file out as she sipped her drink, turning around every so often for a picture with the few fans still sober enough to recognize her. She was in a partially dazed state when the manager saddled up next to her over an hour later to escort her backstage. Startled back to reality, Alaska refocused herself on her mission and tried to mentally prepare for anything that might happen in the next few minutes. Coming upon the dressing rooms tucked away in the back of the building, the manager stopped halfway down the passage and motioned to the second door on left. “She’s right in there. Should be alone, most other queens have left by now except for some of our regular girls who always use the rooms down at the end.”

“Thanks,” Alaska replied gratefully as she paused a few feet from the door.

“Not a problem. We’re still open for another hour to clean up, so take your time.”

With that, she gave Alaska a bright smile and turned heel to run back to the bar. Alaska waited until she was out of sight before daring to face the room. She half-expected to find Raja standing behind her but to her mild relief the only indication that anyone else was left in this part of the building was the light chatter filtering from further down the hall. Shuffling quietly into the open doorway, she paused just outside threshold to watch as Raja absently removed her makeup in front of the large mirror sitting on the counter top. With each pass of the cloth over her face, more of Sutan emerged and even from where Alaska stood, she could see just how tired and listless she was as she went through the de-dragging process in a mechanical, near auto-pilot mode.

While she worked up the courage to make her presence known, Alaska remarked to herself just how similar this situation was to the one that began this whole chain of events. She wondered if Raja had felt this nervous before she had knocked on her door as well. It was hard to imagine anyone as confident as Raja being shaken by anything but there always seemed to be a hidden depth to her personality that Alaska had yet to fully experience.

Forcing herself into action now that Raja’s face was entirely makeup-free, she knocked lightly on the door frame and called out with far more confidence than she actually felt, “Sutan?”

The instant the name passed her lips, Raja seemed to come back to life and glanced at the doorway through the mirror. Her face was truly a study at that point. As hard as she tried to stifle it; a smile was determined to spread over her lips while her eyes flashed between conflicting emotions. The most readily identifiable ones were surprise, pain, and to Alaska’s relief; joy. Spinning around sharply, she stared at the man in front of her as though she didn’t trust what she was seeing and whispered in disbelief, “Alaska?”

With a firm tone, she corrected her, “Justin.”

“Justin…” Raja repeated slowly.

“It’s next time,” she said hopefully, chewing on her bottom lip in apprehension. Raja’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion at the statement until she remembered the last thing she texted to Alaska. “Can I…?” she trailed off timidly.

Fixing a neutral expression on her face, Raja straightened her posture and nodded for her to continue. Alaska nervously stepped inside the room and stopped just a few feet in front of Raja. She didn’t dare come any closer or to make any assumptions that she would be forgiven tonight. All the same, she hoped that at the very least Raja would see her sincerity and they could at least resume their friendship.

Pushing down a heavy swallow, Alaska started to recall her heartfelt apology but the moment her eyes had locked again with Raja’s; she felt her mind go blank and instead of a well-rehearsed, flowery speech, the first thing that actually left her mouth was, “I’m gonna fuck up, probably a lot.”

And with that, the verbal diarrhea she had tried so hard to contain came spilling out once more. Raja’s eyebrow had arched at the opening statement but even if she wanted to say something, there was no chance Alaska would have heard it over her own outburst. Much like how it had been at Fubar; once started, she found herself unable to control her own rambling until it reached the point where she wanted to rip out her hair in frustration.

She had spent hours preparing for this, how could she have forgotten everything so easily?

She was almost in tears with the thought of idiotic she must have looked as she stumbled over her words until she saw Raja covering her mouth with her hand and shaking with hidden laughter.

“What?” Alaska whined, realizing too late how childish she sounded.

“I’m sorry,” Raja said amused as she closed the distance between them, “You just…really suck at this.”

“I know!” she lamented with a groan, no longer caring how immature she appeared. Raja gave her a sympathetic smile and ran her hand over Alaska’s arm as she went on to explain, “I had it all planned out, I swear! I was practicing it on the plane, at the hotel, even up to when your show started…then once I tried to tell you…it was gone. You just looked at me and I blanked…”

“Hey, it’s okay,” Raja consoled her, running her fingers through Alaska’s hair as she fiddled with the sleeve of her jacket. “Just take a moment and then start with whatever you can remember.”

Alaska nodded and took in a deep breath as she relaxed into Raja’s touch. She wanted to bury herself in Raja’s arms more than anything but it was still much too soon for that. Instead she indulged herself in the feather-light strokes through her messy locks and tried to recall even a single line of her original script. In the end, all that she could remember were random bits and pieces but it was better than nothing, she supposed. Once she found herself able to think clearly again, she looked up into the patient gaze that had been watching her the entire time.

Noticing she was ready to try again, Raja encouraged her with a gentle, “Go on.”

Haltingly, Alaska began with, “I…I talked with Willam…He explained some things to me…” Raja’s lips twitched at the name but didn’t make a comment as Alaska moved forward with her apology.

“At first, I didn’t really get why the name pissed you off so much,” she confessed, “but I think I do now…I’m gonna mess up, I know I will. I’ll slip and call you the wrong name but I’m not gonna stop trying. I will get better, I promise…I will learn. And at Fubar, I’m more than sorry about what happened - ”

“Justin, it wasn’t really the name that upset me.” Raja interrupted with a soft sigh. “We’ve known each other for a really long time now…We’ve pretty much always been 'Raja’ and 'Alaska’ to each other…It’s how we met, how we spend a lot of our time together…I know how much used to idolize me-”

“Still do,” Alaska interjected with a shy smile.

Returning her own fond grin, Raja continued on to admit, “I just…I wanted to be sure that you’re seeing all sides of me before we get into this…I…I don’t want to get more attached just to have you discover that only liked 'Raja’.”

Alaska could hardly believe what she had just heard. Never would she have guessed that Raja had that concern; it seemed so foreign to her that Raja could be insecure about anything…but the fact that she felt comfortable enough to expose that vulnerability meant the world to her. Deciding to take a chance, she pressed a fleeting kiss to Raja’s lips and assured her, “I do like 'Raja’…but I like 'Sutan’ a lot more. I always have. And as much as I love seeing 'Raja’ perform…I’d much rather just hang out with 'Sutan’ any day.”

The tension around Raja’s eyes slowly melted away until her gaze was a soft as her smile. Resting her forehead against Alaska’s, she suggested cautiously, “I think maybe we should slow things down just a little…get to know each other again…is that alright?”

“Absolutely,” Alaska whispered as she returned her own smile. It wasn’t exactly how she had pictured the situation being resolved but it works. If Raja wants to take it slow, then she would only move at snail’s pace until she heard otherwise.

The hand in her hair removed itself and tilted her chin up as a light kiss was pressed to her lips. She stepped closer, closing what little gap remained between their bodies and clutched Raja’s sides like she was the last solid thing left in the world. Raja’s tongue was lazily tracing against her lips when the queens were jolted back to reality by the sound of the dressing room door being hurriedly shut.

Alaska pulled away just enough to question quietly, “Wonder who saw that…”

Nervously, Raja asked, “Do you mind?”

Shaking her head with a breathy laugh, Alaska replied, “No, not really.”

“Good,” Raja whispered with a relieved grin as she captured Alaska’s lips for a brief kiss. “Cause when the time comes, I’m telling everyone…just try and stop me.”

Alaska rolled her eyes at the definitive statement and jabbed her thumb towards the doorway. “C'mon, let’s get out of here before they see something they can never unsee.”

“Or hear,” Raja teased with a wink as she haphazardly began shoving her make up back into her bag, “From what I remember…you get quite loud.”

Alaska let out a mock offended gasp and playfully slapped Raja’s arm as she reminded her, “Well, from what I recall; you were the one who wanted me to be that loud.”

Raja spun away from the counter with a mischievous grin and pulled Alaska closer by the front of her shirt. Slipping an arm around her waist, she brushed her lips over Alaska’s and whispered sweetly, “Maybe I just like hearing your voice.”

With a tint of pink in her cheeks, Alaska rolled her eyes again and shot back, “Then buy my albums.”

“Already have…got nothing on the real thing though…”

Their lips met again for a mere second before Raja pulled away to continue clearing off her workspace. “God, you’re so fucking sappy,” Alaska grumbled, not even trying to hide her beaming face.

“Get used to it, sweetie,” Raja promised as she zipped her bag closed and hauled it off the countertop.

Grabbing the remaining wardrobe bag sitting on the floor, Alaska asked, “Did you get a hotel room?”

Shaking her head, Raja replied, “No, plan was to head right to the airport and wait for my flight.”

“Want to come back to mine? It’s walking distance…” Alaska offered with hopeful gaze.

With a smirk, Raja reached over to intertwine her fingers with Alaska’s and whispered in her ear, “Lead the way, then.”

The pair walked out of the club hand in hand and eventually found their way back to the hotel after deciding to rely on Google Maps for directions rather than Alaska’s foggy memory. Once inside the room, the two collapsed on top of the covers and spent their remaining hours just talking about anything that came to mind. If either one cared to admit, there were far more stolen kisses than conversations that night but it was a starting point. Close to the time when Raja would have to leave to make her flight, a text from Willam came through asking how things had gone, specifically; 'You two fuck yet?’

With a smirk and an eye roll, Raja pulled the phone from Alaska’s hand and told the younger queen, “Roll up your pant legs.”

Curious, she asked why but Raja only gave her a vague reply of, “You’ll see.” Giving an exaggerated sigh, she did as instructed and waited as Raja did the same with her own outfit. As soon as enough skin was showing, Raja entangled their legs together and pulled up the camera app for Alaska to see her plan in action. She positioned the phone until just their bare legs showed on the screen and snapped a quick picture with a triumphant smirk spread over her lips.

“God, you’re awful,” Alaska laughed out as Raja sent the slightly blurry photo to both Willam and herself.

“What?” she asked innocently, “I didn’t say 'yes’.”

Alaska arched a sarcastic eyebrow and replied, “Just implied it.”

Running her fingers over Alaska’s arm, she asked softly, “Mad?”

“No, but I am telling her you were the one who sent that.”

Raja’s easygoing smile returned as she shrugged nonchalantly and said, “That’s fair. She’ll probably figure it out herself anyway…alright, so next question…”

********************************************

An hour later Alaska accompanied Raja to the airport, staying with her as far as security measures would allow anyone not currently holding a ticket. Pausing just before the queue to pass through the metal detectors, the two shared one more kiss and promised to call or text once their respective planes had landed. Remaining in same spot where they parted for nearly 20 minutes, Alaska watched until Raja was lost in the sea of people before heading back to the hotel to try and get some rest before her own flight. As tired as she was, sleep was elusive and she only managed to nap for an hour before giving up to pack the few belongings she had brought with her. The rest of her time was filled with mindless TV shows from anything that seemed remotely interesting on the hotel’s limited channel selection.

About halfway through her own navigation of the airport, a text from Raja came through letting her know she had arrived without issues and was on her way to the venue of the day. Smiling to herself, Alaska kept the conversation going until the boarding for her flight was announced on the PA system. Once in her seat, she barely made it through take off before she felt herself falling in and out of a semi-conscious stupor as her lack of a proper night’s sleep caught up with her. Even after dozing for two hours, she hardly felt anything like her normal self as the plane began its descent.

Keeping her promise, she called Raja almost immediately after the landing and chatted with her while she painted herself for the night’s show. Try as she might, Alaska couldn’t hide her yawning for very long and the other queen quickly caught on. “You need to go to bed, Justin,” she pressed for the third time.

“Can’t. Don’t think the driver would appreciate me sleeping in his car,” she replied with a drowsy smile as she watched her Uber driver try his best to keep a straight face as though he weren’t listening.

“Once you get home,” Raja said firmly.

“I will,” she promised as she stifled another yawn, “Just like talking to you…”

Alaska could practically hear the eye roll that went with the smile in Raja’s voice as she muttered, “And I’m the sappy one…”

“Heard that,” Alaska drew out lazily.

“Meant you to,” Raja shot back. “I mean it though; soon as you get home, get some sleep. I’ll hang up the phone myself if I have to.”

“Okay, okay,” she relented. “We’re pulling up in just a minute, I promise I’ll go to bed.”

“Good. Call you tomorrow morning?” she asked.

“You better,” Alaska mumbled sleepily, “I want a full review of your show…Make me feel like I’m right there with you.”

“I can do that…” Raja agreed softly, undoubtedly smiling as she added, “Miss you.”

With her own content smile, Alaska murmured into her phone, “Miss you too…night.”

“Night.”

Sluggishly, Alaska ended the call and shoved her phone back into her pocket just as the car pulled up to her house. Thanking the driver, she grabbed her bag and made her way up to the front door. She barely felt conscious as she tried 3 times to unlock her door before realizing she was using the wrong key.

The first thing she noticed once the door was open was that her house was not as empty as it should have been. Camped out in her living room, she found Willam comfortably lounging on the sofa eating popcorn straight from the bag as he worked on his laptop and left the TV playing softly in the background. Looking up from the screen, he greeted her casually, “Hey.”

“Hey, yourself,” she returned with an amused smirk. “How come you’re still here?”

“Watering your plants?”

Arching an eyebrow in disbelief, she stated, “I don’t have any plants…”

“Smoking some plants…?” he offered with a sheepish shrug.

“Now that I believe,” she laughed softly before a yawn cut her off. Walking off towards her bedroom, she called out, “’M heading to bed, keep the volume down, okay?”

“Not kicking me out?” he asked in confusion as he scrambled off the couch to follow her. Turning back around for a moment, she shook her head as she yawned into her hand and continued on down the hallway.

Still trailing close behind, Willam asked curiously, “How’d it go?”

A fond smile played across her lips as she dropped her bag just inside the doorway and gave a short recap of the previous night’s events. While telling the story, she changed into a pair of sweatpants and crawled beneath the covers of her welcoming bed. Nestling in among the pillows, she found Willam carefully sitting himself on the edge in order to better hear as her voice dropped lower and lower. Moving over to allow him space to lie down, she informed him, “Remote’s on the nightstand…”

He turned on the TV as he laid down on top of the sheets beside her but almost immediately he pressed 'mute’ as she ended her story. “So we’re taking things slow for now…” she mumbled sleepily into his side as her arm wrapped around his waist and yawned out, “Sutan sent that picture by the way.”

“Figured,” he replied with a light chuckle, stroking his fingertips across her shoulder in an absent manner. He paused for a moment, looking down at the bedspread as he asked quietly, “Did you two…?”

Shaking her head slightly as sleep finally won her over, she whispered, “Mn-mm, not yet…G'night….and thanks.”

“No problem…” he replied distantly, “…Night.”

**************************************************************************************************

After nearly six weeks of nothing but digital communication, Alaska was more than excited that Raja was finally coming back to LA today. Throughout their separation from one another, they had made sure to check in at least once a day, often times allowing their conversations to span several hours either by text, calling, or FaceTime. Each conversation had left Alaska feeling closer and closer to Raja despite the actual distance between them. Alaska felt particularly grateful that they were in separate states as it allowed her and Raja a chance to ask each other the most pressing questions they had without the temptation of pushing the thoughts aside in favor of physical contact. One of the first topics they discussed was when to call each other by their actual names and when to use their drag names. It was going to take some getting used to, both agreed, but each would do their best to be patient and understanding during the adjustment.

Other topics discussed were fairly normal things; personal pet peeves, likes and dislikes, known schedules for out of town events…Each of them were booked and gigged in various countries but they managed to plan a few dates in the upcoming weeks, the first of which would be today after Alaska had picked up Raja from the airport. Her flight was due to arrive in the late afternoon leaving Alaska to feel decidedly giddy for most of the day as she rushed through her errands to ensure she’d arrive well before Raja’s plane touched down.

Aside from the fact that tonight would be their official 'first date’, Alaska had another reason to feel nervous; she was also going to broach the one subject they both had been avoiding for the past few weeks. She knew they would have to talk about it sooner or later but part of her felt that perhaps it might still be too soon for her to bring it up. The last thing she wanted to do was push Raja too quickly or lead her to think that she was only interested in sex…

The pros and cons weighed in her mind as she waited in the arrival lounge for Raja’s plane to deboard. She was almost bouncing in her seat by the time she saw Raja strolling behind a large crowd carefully searching the area for her. The instant their eyes connected, Raja’s face lit up and Alaska pushed her worries aside to greet her partner. She jumped from her seat and ran over to Raja with an uncontrollable grin as she wrapped her arms around her tightly. Mirroring her smile, Raja returned the gesture for a few seconds before Alaska broke away to relieve her of one of her bags. Raja thanked her with a small kiss and laced their fingers together as they left the terminal for Alaska’s car.

The entire ride back to Raja’s home was filled with light chatter and stolen kisses at nearly every red light. It was only when they had pulled into the driveway and began walking towards the house that Alaska felt her nerves acting up again. She fell mostly silent by the time they reached the front door, supplying vague comments where appropriate as she tried to figure out when the best time would be to bring up such a sensitive subject.

“You can just drop the bag anywhere,” Raja told her brightly as she pushed the door open and propped her bag along the wall of the entryway. Alaska gingerly placed the bag she had been carrying beside the other one and nervously followed after Raja as she made her way to the kitchen.

Opening the fridge, she asked Alaska, “Want something to drink? I’ve got soda, water, wine, or…well, damn…that’s pretty much all I’ve got in here.”

Chuckling, Alaska accepted a can of Pepsi as Raja scratched the back of her head sheepishly and explained, “Sorry, kinda forgot I emptied out the fridge right before I left…”

The familiarity of that situation made Alaska’s eyes crinkle in amusement as she assured Raja that it was fine. She was quite used to coming back after long tours to find her own fridge lacking in anything that spoiled after a few days.

Leaning against the granite counter top behind her, she toyed with the loose tab as Raja went on to describe their dinner plans for the night. “I was thinking we could go to that new bistro that opened across town…shouldn’t be too busy; their opening was like three months ago now. Or did you have somewhere else in mind?”

“No, that sounds good,” Alaska said distractedly, flicking her eyes in Raja’s direction before swiftly dropping down to her hands as she developed a deep interest in the can she was holding.

“Hey, is everything okay?” Raja asked worriedly, taking a step closer and running her fingers over Alaska’s upper arm.

“Yeah!” she blurted out as her head shot up and a light pink bloomed across her cheeks. She hadn’t realized her anxiety was that obvious but then again, Raja always seemed to have a talent for noticing when she had something on her mind.

Unconvinced, Raja’s brow furrowed as she brushed away a few locks of hair from Alaska’s eyes and asked again, “You sure? You seem a little out of it…”

“Positive,” Alaska reaffirmed with a skittish smile. “Just…maybe we could…wait like an hour or two before going out?”

“Of course,” Raja reassured her, “Not hungry yet?”

Breaking what little eye contact there was, Alaska drew her finger around the top of the can and mumbled vaguely, “That’s not…quite it.”

Giving a noise of questioning, Raja tilted her chin up and tried to draw Alaska’s gaze back to her. “Justin?” she inquired softly, “What’s up? Was there something else you wanted to do tonight?…Or talk about?”

Feeling her cheeks turn just a shade darker, Alaska set the Pepsi down on the counter and glanced up towards Raja’s concerned stare. Her heart was pounding in her chest as she pressed her body into the older queen’s and guided one of Raja’s hands down to rest over her hip. Hovering just a few inches away from Raja’s lips, she whispered tentatively, “I was thinking…if you want to tonight…I’m ready…”

Raja’s eyebrow knit in confusion as she began to ask, “Ready for wha-oh…”

The look of realization that passed over her face was almost comical as she spluttered, “You mean like 'ready’ ready…right now?” and blushed as Alaska nodded bashfully and bit her bottom lip. Raja’s eyes seemed to bore deep into her soul as she stared down at the younger queen in a contemplative silence. Almost immediately, Alaska’s anxiety kicked in at full force and she drew back, hurriedly following up her previous statement with, “No pressure, really! We can wait until-”

She was cut off as Raja cupped her cheek delicately and placed her thumb over her lips to silence her outburst. Leaning in with hooded eyes, Raja lingered just close enough for Alaska to feel the warmth of her breath as she asked huskily, “Do you want to?”

Alaska nodded slowly, speaking softly against the thumb running lazily across her bottom lip, “Only if you do…”

Tightening her grip on Alaska’s hip, she breathed out, “How can I say 'no’ to you?” and pushed their bodies together until Alaska was trapped between her and the counter top. Leisurely, Raja’s hand left her face to slide down her neck and tangle itself loosely in the hair at base of her head.

Alaska’s eyes dropped to Raja’s lips as she tried to bridge the small gap that remained between them. As soon as they touched, Raja pulled back just a few millimeters out of her reach. Annoyed, Alaska leant in again and received the same result. “Sutan,” she whined quietly.

Smirking just slightly, Raja closed the distance herself and allowed Alaska to take control for the time being. Their bodies seemed to melt into one another so completely it was hard to tell where one queen ended and the other began. Alaska’s hands slipped down Raja’s chest and tugged at the hem of her shirt. Breaking the kiss for a moment, Alaska paused to ask, “Can I?”

Raja gave her a short nod and assisted in pulling the shirt past her arms and over her head. Once free, she tossed it casually to the side and turned back around to be met by Alaska’s eager lips again. Their second kiss was far more passionate than the hesitant, testing-the-waters lip lock they had shared only a moment ago but it barely lasted more than a few seconds before Alaska was kissing her way down the other queen’s neck and chest as she slowly dropped to her knees. Before she had even made to Raja’s midsection, the hand in her hair tightened and stopped her from going any lower. She looked up at Raja with apprehension, worried that she might have moved too fast after all but to her relief the older queen only whispered “Bedroom,” before firmly reconnecting their lips and pulling her away from the counter.

Despite either’s better judgement, they remained securely attached to one another as Raja clumsily led them backwards towards the master bedroom. Alaska could hear miscellaneous objects being kicked or knocked around by Raja’s unsure movements but her enthusiasm was never dampened as she led them almost blindly towards her bed. Thinking they must be close by now, Alaska opened her eyes for a quick peek just in time to see Raja collide with the mattress and fall backwards onto the sheets in an awkward mess. The look of shock on her face was too much and Alaska couldn’t help but to snicker at her expression.

Recovering from the unexpected surprise, Raja chuckled as she pulled Alaska closer by her shirt until she was almost sitting in her lap and joked, “Shut up. We’ll see how graceful you are when we try this at your place!”

Pressing a quick kiss to the older queen’s lips, she teased, “Is that a challenge?”

Smirking, Raja replied smoothly, “Might be,” and gently pushed Alaska away from her so she could work on removing her pants.

Her remaining clothing was stripped off and kicked aside in a matter of seconds but to her displeasure Alaska had only managed to remove her own shirt in that same amount of time. She was fiddling with her belt when Raja pulled her entirely into her lap and took over the task herself. “You were taking too long,” she taunted as she skillfully unbuckled the belt and set her hands to work on the button and zipper. Once free, Raja flipped their positions and left Alaska laying on her back with a flushed face as she tore away the jeans and underwear.

As soon the final article of clothing was thrown to the floor, she paused her actions in order to rake her eyes over the smaller queen beneath her. For a moment Alaska laid disturbingly still as she tried to catch her breath, but as Raja’s gaze traveled lower and lower, she found herself squirming in embarrassment. Raja was so gentle as she traced her fingers over Alaska’s body; every light stroke resulted in a shiver as the cool air replaced the heat emanating from Raja’s presence. Alaska tried to will her body to relax into the touch but every imperfection she felt she had seemed amplified as she compared herself to the tan and toned body above her. The clenching in her stomach worsened as she felt the angel-soft caress slip over her thighs. Out of habit, she found herself crossing her ankles tightly as soon as Raja’s hand had dipped below her knees.

Almost immediately, Raja’s head shot back up in concern but Alaska pointedly avoided her look. Her cheeks were burning as she felt Raja turning her face back to hers. “Hey, you’re beautiful,” she told her with a sincere smile. Running her fingers across Alaska’s calf, she added softly, “All of you…”

It didn’t feel possible that her face could get any hotter, but as usual Raja proved her wrong. To distract herself from completely losing it over the tender words, she pulled Raja in for another kiss. Her arms slipped around the older queen’s shoulders as she felt a soothing hand running over her waist. For several moments they stayed like that; letting their kiss convey everything they couldn’t find the proper words to say. When Alaska felt calm enough, she pulled away to ask, “Can we keep going?”

“Anything you want,” Raja murmured as she nuzzled into the crook of her neck. She busied herself with leaving fresh love bites to replace the ones that had faded in their time apart. This time she made sure place them lower so as to be easily hidden but nothing was going to stop her from focusing heavily on Alaska’s known weak spot. She had purposefully avoided the area until she felt the other queen relax but try as she might, she couldn’t stop her lips from curling in satisfaction as Alaska moaned her name once the slightest amount of pressure was applied to the pulse point.

In under a minute, she had Alaska reduced to the writhing mess she loved and Raja felt her hands frantically clutching at her hair, urging her to do more. Without batting an eye, Raja continued to leave her mark on Alaska’s skin, grazing her fingertips over Alaska’s V-line but always deterring before reaching too far south. Fed up with Raja’s teasing, Alaska tried twice to flip their positions, but Raja easily held own against the weak attempts. She hardly spared them any attention to Alaska’s ever growing frustration. “C-Come on,” she whined quietly. “That’s not fair.”

“Shh,” the older queen hushed her. “It’s our first time together…Want to take it nice and slow.”

“Want you to go faster,” Alaska argued impatiently.

“Want you wearing a gag right now,” she shot back as she rolled her eyes at the other queen’s restlessness. She almost missed the slight hitch in Alaska’s breath but the way she suddenly froze up was much harder to ignore.

Moving back to watch her reaction, she teased the younger queen, “Oh, would you like that too?”

Alaska hesitated for a moment as the color rose to her face again but just noticeably she gave a small nod. Smirking, Raja hovered over her and promised between soft pecks, “Well, that’s something we can explore later…but for now, I’m taking my time with you…so stop pouting; you’ll get wrinkles.”

Alaska let out an offended gasp and tried one final time to gain the upper hand. Effortlessly, Raja held her in place and watched Alaska’s struggle in blatant amusement. After a few moments, Alaska gave up with huff and muttered through gritted teeth, “Not…fucking…fair.”

Smiling sweetly, Raja informed her, “Get used to it,” and pressed her lips over Alaska’s. The brief kiss mollified her for the time being but she was still unhappy at being so easily subdued. For the next 5 minutes, Raja proceeded to kiss her way over nearly every inch of Alaska’s neck, chest and stomach, purposefully avoiding the area she knew Alaska was desperate to feel her mouth on. Alaska was sure this was Raja’s idea of punishment but part of her was confident Raja would have done this anyway.

The subtle torture finally came to end as Raja worked her way back up to Alaska’s lips and instructed her to turn over. All too eager, she complied to the demand, propping a pillow beneath her hips as Raja slipped away to retrieve the lube and condoms from inside her nightstand. Even knowing what to expect, Raja felt unprepared for the sight that laid in front of her as she turned around. Alaska had purposefully repositioned herself so as to be fully displayed for the older queen once her attention was back on her. Glancing over her shoulder with a knowing smirk, she gave a showy shake of her hips, welcoming Raja to continue.

Somewhat goaded by Alaska’s cockiness, Raja abandoned her initial plan of laying immediate claim to Alaska’s body in favor of teasing her just a little bit more. Settling on the bed behind her, Raja ran a lone finger down Alaska’s spine before slowly spreading her cheeks apart while she kissed a light trail towards the tight ring of muscle. As hard as she tried to suppress it, Alaska shuddered at the contact and shook her hips again as she urged Raja on, “Sutan, do something already…”

Rolling her eyes, Raja gave her a gentle reminder of “Patience,” proceeded to lick light circles around Alaska’s hole as she popped open the bottle of lube with her free hand. Sweat was already forming on Alaska’s forehead in anticipation of what was to come but her hands gripped the sheets in frustration at continually being denied what she wanted. Finally after what felt like hours, she felt a well lubed finger pressing on her entrance.

“Still doing alright?” Raja asked softly as she pushed the first digit in.

“Yes,” she groaned, impatience getting the best of her. “I’d be doing better if you’d hurry the fuck up.”

“So feisty tonight,” Raja commented as she slipped in a second finger in at a painfully slow pace. “Maybe we should reconsider that ball gag since you want to keep running that mouth of yours.”

Gasping at the slow scissoring motion inside of her, Alaska shot back, “Thought you…liked hearing my voice.”

“I’d like it even better if it were moaning my name,” Raja replied in amusement as she drank up the younger queen’s desperation.

Turning her head around as much as possible behind her, Alaska challenged, “Then give me something to moan about.”

Raja’s trademark smirk returned in full force as she slid in a third finger watching Alaska’s toes curl and the fight drain from her eyes as she slowly built up a suitable pace. “How’s that?” she mocked.

“Not enough,” Alaska muttered as she dropped her head into her arms unwilling to let Raja see her fall apart so easily even as she rocked her hips back against the fingers.

“Soon,” Raja assured her, kissing her way up Alaska’s back until she just close enough to nip at the shell of her ear. “Don’t want to hurt you by going too fast…”

Letting out a sigh of defeat, Alaska resigned herself to having to wait just a little bit longer. “I promise it’ll be worth it, sweetie,” Raja murmured into her ear.

Alaska felt her cheeks heating up again at the pet name and sharply turned her head towards Raja for a weak glare. “You love it,” Raja insisted, trying but not very hard to keep her lips from forming into yet another smirk.

Refraining from making a smart ass comment that would almost certainly backfire on her, Alaska focused instead on the almost-but-not-quite-enough drag of Raja’s fingers as they ghosted close to her prostate. It felt like she was going to rip the sheets with the death grip she held on them as she endured the delicious torment Raja inflicted upon her. Precum was beginning to drip onto the pillow below her when Raja finally removed her fingers and rolled the condom down her length. Lining up her hips with Alaska’s, she asked, “Ready?”

Hesitating for a second, Alaska replied, “Um…h-hold on…”

“Justin?” Raja asked in concern as she pulled away to give the younger queen some breathing room. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” Alaska mumbled in embarrassment as she awkwardly turned herself over. Feeling the pink settling on her cheeks again, she admitted, “I just…kinda wanted to see you.”

Raja let out a sigh of relief and pressed a languid kiss to Alaska’s lips. “That’s all you had to say…” she whispered. “Don’t be afraid to tell me what you want.”

Alaska nodded and returned the kiss as Raja re-arranged herself for the new position. Placing herself outside Alaska’s entrance once more, she asked again if it was alright to begin pushing in. Upon receiving confirmation, she slowly entered Alaska, pausing every so often when she felt her body tense too much. Once fully inside she stopped all movement to study the younger queen. She hadn’t even begun moving yet but already Alaska looked wrecked; her eyes were glazing over, hair was sticking to her forehead, her lips were parted just slightly as she tried to hide her panting. In short, she was absolutely beautiful in Raja’s eyes.

Allowing time for Alaska to get used to the new feeling, Raja dusted her face and neck with a multitude of kisses, feeling her body relax more and more with each caress. Once the tension had disappeared and Alaska’s breathing was under control, she got to work setting a careful, rhythmic pace. Alaska’s hands found their way to her face and pulled her in for a sloppy but fiery kiss to match the slowly increasing thrusts. Their hips continually met each other in an ever shortening time span until one particular thrust caused a falter in Alaska’s movements and her breath caught in her throat.

Taking the cue, Raja focused her attention on hitting that same angle with every thrust, quickly reducing Alaska to a whimpering, gasping mess. A casual string of swearing slipped from Alaska’s lips, peppered every so often with pleading calls of “Sutan.” She felt her body going limp as she inched closer and closer to the edge with each brush against her prostate. Raja’s nails dug into her hips creating an addicting contrast from the fire than felt like it was slowly consuming her from the inside out. She knew she wasn’t going to last much longer. She only hoped Raja was as close as she was when gasped out a broken warning. Immediately following it, she heard a forceful command in her ear for her to touch herself and found herself obeying without another thought.

The friction quickly became too much and she found herself swearing a blue streak wrapped around Sutan’s name as she came over her hand and stomach. Raja’s own climax followed shortly after, burying herself next to Alaska’s ear as she called out her name. If Alaska hadn’t already finished, hearing Raja’s voice would have certainly done the job for her. As she came down from cloud nine, she found Raja murmuring sweet compliments against the shell of her ear as she carefully withdrew from inside her and removed the condom. Closing her eyes for a moment to take in everything that had happened, she felt Raja’s weight settled down beside her and instinctively she curled towards the warm body waiting for her with open arms. Her eyes fluttered open as Raja pushed away her sweated-slicked hair and pressed a light kiss to her forehead.

“Been waiting for this for so long,” Raja confessed as she brushed her lips against Alaska’s.

“Yeah?” Alaska murmured, lips curling in pleasure. “How long? Since that first show?”

Raja shook her head as her voice dropped to a guilty whisper, “Since you and…you know…the breakup.”

Alaska felt her eyes widen in surprised as she tilted her head and asked, “Why didn’t you say something back then?”

“You were still so new, so shy…just getting used to the sudden stardom…And you weren’t exactly in the best place at that time…” she reminded the younger queen gently.

It pained her to have to agree but Raja was right. Jumping into another relationship so quickly after her breakup would have probably ended in disaster. She did need that time to recover and find stability on her own. “Still,” she admitted, “I kinda wish I had known sooner…”

Chuckling lightly, Raja continued on, “Honestly, I thought I was being so obvious about it; always eager to hang out with you, always showing up to your gigs…and you know, always flirting with you on stage…”

“I thought that was just part of the act or you know…alcohol.”

“Well,” Raja relented, “The drinks did give me a bit of the liquid courage I needed to make a move, cause you sure weren’t.”

“No,” Alaska agreed with a laugh, tracing her fingers absently over Raja’s tattoos. “I’m glad you did though…What made you finally do it, besides the wine I mean? What convinced you?”

Smiling down at the smaller queen, she said simply, “Cause you said, 'yes’. When I called you that night looking for a last minute fill-in, you didn’t even think about it…You didn’t check your schedule, you just agreed without a second thought…Even when I’ve asked Manila and Rav for the same favor before, they still looked at their calendars first but you…you were ready to drop everything just to help me so I thought maybe…there was something more there…and maybe it’d be worth it to finally take a shot and make a move.”

Alaska felt herself flushing as Raja went on to admit sheepishly, “God, I was so nervous that I was misreading everything…it felt so reckless and stupid cause I was just basing everything off of one wild thought-”

“Hey,” Alaska interrupted softly, “No more reckless and stupid than flying across the country.”

“I’m so glad you did though,” Raja told her adamantly, “I was fucking miserable I left it like that…I wanted to call you back after you left that message but I panicked. As much as I hate to say it, thank fucking God for Willam…I got so worried when he said you weren’t answering your phone.”

Nodding her head, Alaska agreed with the statement and apologized for causing her additional stress. “I’m really glad this all happened though,” she confessed. “I really like you.”

“I really like you too.”

Neither wanted to call it 'love’ yet; that would make it too real, too fast but for now 'like’ was enough for them.

They shared another kiss, running their hands over each other skin as they pointedly ignored the mess that was still painted over their bodies. Alaska quietly moaned Raja’s name into her mouth as she felt her fingertips lightly brushing against the nail marks left over her hip. Pulling away, Raja asked softly, “Can you say it again?”

“What?”

“You know what…” she trailed off with a smile.

Chuckling, Alaska took the hint and whispered close to her lips, “Sutan?”

Her eyes crinkled at the edges as she closed the distance and replied, “I love it when you say my name.”

[disheartenedunderachiever-blog]

It is worth it... isn’t it?

12:00 midnight. You reach your hand towards the coffee mug sitting beside your book. Slowly, you brought it towards your mouth, anticipating the warmth and wakefulness it will bring you. But nothing touched your lips. You slowly set the empty mug on your table, frustrated. That was the third cup you've had. You can already feel your heart beating on your chest, as if trying to escape, almost as desperate as you are.

Five hours. Five non-stop hours of studying. You stared at the reviewer on your table, beside it was your textbook which now looks like a picture book due to the color brought by the highlighters you used; a desperate attempt to organize the seemingly unrelated words printed on each page. You wonder when will all the pieces fall to form the big picture.

Finally, sleepiness took over and you fell asleep right then and there, still holding your reviewer on your left hand and a pen on your right.

3:00 am. You jumped as your alarm broke the silence. Still half-asleep, you looked around and saw books scattered on the floor. Slowly, reality dawned on you and you realized what happened. Thanking yourself that you set an alarm, you slowly gathered the books on the floor and started studying yet again. "Four more hours 'till first class. I can do this..."

7:00 am. You sit nervously on your seat. On your right is a classmate, sleeping, holding on her hands crumpled papers that was once a chapter of your textbook. On your left is another classmate, desperately reading, trying to cram anything before the exam starts. Suddenly, the door flew open and your professor walks in, papers on hand. She asked everyone to stand up and pray. You silently begged to pass.

12:00 noon. The first half of the exams are over. You know it yourself that you might not pass. The questions flew past your head, the choices seem impossibly similar, and the things you do know doesn't seem to connect or relate to any question. But you have no time to despair. Heck, you don't even have time to eat. You sat on your chair, reading your reviewers over and over and over and over again, hoping that this time, there will be at least one question you can confidently answer.

4:00 pm. The exams are finally over. You gave it your best, though you know it may not be enough. Without even changing clothes, you lie down on your bed, slowly starting to unravel. Sleepiness and hunger fight to take over your consciousness, but the only thing that remained was despair. "I did my best. That's what matters" you try to console yourself with these words until you fell asleep.

XX:XX xx. The results are out. Your hands are shaking as you logged in your student account where your grades are posted. You almost closed the screen out of fear, but your curiosity was stronger. Finally, you saw it, all your subjects, neatly flashed on one column, your grades on the next. With your hands still shaking, you traced the screen with your finger, slowly going over each subject.

Subject A : B Subject B : C Subject C : B- Subject D : C+ Subject E : A- Subject F : B+

You stared at the screen for a few seconds, not being able to believe that you passed everything. Then suddenly, you jumped out of your chair, fists raised in the air, tears almost falling from your eyes. You did it. You passed. You survived. It was all worth it. . . . .

"Is that your grades...?"

You turned around and saw your mother behind you, curious about what exactly made you jump. With a smile still on your face, you showed her the screen. There was silence as you wait your chance to share your happiness with her. Then she turned to you with dead-serious eyes.

"You almost failed. Why is that?"

"Huh...?" was all you could say, your smile slowly disappearing from your face.

"Your grades. Why did you almost fail?”

"But I didn't fail anything..."

"Yeah but weren't we aiming for straight A's?"

She looked at you for a few seconds, you unable to utter a single word. She then sighed and told you to try harder next time before leaving you, alone. Whatever trace of the euphoria you felt after seeing those grades were now gone, replaced with a mix of confusion and sadness.

You looked again at the screen which once brought you happiness, now nothing more than a reminder of what you might have been. All those effort poured in studying was worth it. It IS worth it... or is it?

[thetimelessdreams]

ex.

욕해도 좋아 실컷 욕 욕 욕해 날 향한 증오가 화 정도가 될 때까지 화가 풀려 다시 돌아갈 수 있다면...

this song reminds me of 2 things:

- lonely night filled with anxiety

- pain of the war and the women who lost their men

so in 2 parts i will write my thoughts here

from november 28th 2020, posted on november 28th 2021. a year of change.

...

- lonely night filled with anxiety. 

1. Nov 28th, 2020

i am all alone. friday, noon. school is soon going to be over, so i texted my best friend if we will hang out, but she is sick. ah, i have so many things to tell her. i trust her more than my parents. i was almost alone the whole day after that, one friend from america talked with me for 2 or 3 hours. some hours later we talked again but he fell asleep in the call. poor him, stayed 36hrs awake.

so now it’s 3am, cold, quiet, the only noise to be heard is the music in my headphones. my parents are asleep, same for my friends. well, not all of them. those ones in america may still be there. so i texted the first online person i saw, my friend from texas, really clingy and annoying guy, but nice and i can’t let go of people as well as i thought i would.

hey man

it's 3am

haha

and my anxiety hit me again

i waited for his response 20 minutes, he was online, i knew he could see me.

...i got a panic attack - i said at 3:48am...i kind of exaggerated, but my anxiety got me for real. i hadn’t had panic attacks since august. now it’s november.

he didn’t reply to that either. i felt pathetic, weak as hell. then i remembered this song and played it on youtube. i played it like 5 times till it was already 3:54am. then i decided to text him a bit more. then i saw he replied, but with a screenshot from a game, probably showing me a character or skin. i had no idea so i just said yeah nice.

[3:54 AM] it's almost 4am here i overcome such stress but no one can help me wanna send you the song i listen constantly feeling useless? [4:00 AM] ah you probably don't want it it's too sad anyways 4am, nice time to stay awake good night [4:01 AM] i will catch some sleep

he replied with the simple

gnight

ah, this moment reminded me of my mother, she never listens to me. that woman should behave better with me. this reminded me of how alone i am. 

7.7 billion people and i am here too. but i am not hot, talented, i can’t dance, sing or perform around many people. but i can write. probably no one will read this whole thing.

whenever i listen to the song i shed a tear when the last verse begins. the best verse. i love it so much.

then i felt very cold and sleepy, 4:10 am.

thank goodness when i fall asleep my thoughts are mostly about school and not about suicide. i don’t have the strength and wish to do it. and even better. my anxiety gets severe. i wonder if i can spill it in some way. probably i can talk to my best friend but not now, it’s 4am.

2. Nov 28th, 2021

Far from home, far from my friends, I was alone, I was exhausted, but couldn’t fall asleep. The night was dark like my head, filled with memories of you, the person I let go from. I can’t bring you back to me, I can’t apologize and hug you like before, it’s over. I have to get used to it. 

Back in the 80s, one Spanish TV drama, had a character who lost her family in a car accident, and she said: Something changes, when a friend is gone. 

Friend? Can I call all people in my life my friends? Can I hug everyone? Can I see him again, no I can’t! It’s over, I am late. 

You and I will find roads, railways, airways and oceans to cross, so we can be far and meet never again. Disrance builds walls, eyes that can’t see each other, will always be forgotten... 

- pain of the war and the women who lost their men

Wreckage from a war, houses destroyed, men killed, women alone, and one prayed dearly to God for hers to come home, against the odds, against the dying hope. Soon, the war will be over, men will be back, and after everything ends, she will go in the crowd, hoping her beloved is there. The same, young and happy man, the same person she fell in love with.

But almost no one came back, only a few generals, some soldiers, and yet no one was hers. He died, his life ended, without saying last goodbye to her, and their 7-year-old child. She muttered something to the little one, “your father won’t ever come back,” and the kid dropped the toy on the ground. They both cried, just like everyone else around them. Asking for an impossible forgiveness... 

[shenanigumi]

And now for OkiChihiro! A lot of it’s going to end up being pretty similar to my OkiChi responses, since his story does follow basically the same path, but there are a few crucial differences. (And just to make sure, you’ve already seen my answers for them from the last ask meme, right?)

General:

Rate the Ship: [I… can’t, really, not compared to canon at any rate.]

How long will they last? Once they’re finally together, forever—within reasonable tolerances. Both of them are painfully aware that ‘forever’ in this world isn’t that long a time, but they’re not about to let one another go now.

How quickly did/will they fall in love? Neither of them are well-acquainted with the concept of romantic love to begin with, and they have to do a lot of fancy dancing with their feelings, but eventually they’ll manage to figure it out. (On his route, at least.) I promise.

How was their first kiss? Terrifying, if you ask Chihiro in particular.

Wedding:

Who proposed? Souji. It’s the same foundation as in canon, too.

Who are the best man and groomsmen? Yamazaki, reluctantly. There’s nobody else suited to the task, since he lives with them and everyone else is gone. Which means no groomsmen, either.

Who are the maid of honor and bridesmaids? Chizuru [the OC who shares her name], since she lives with them as Chihiro’s sister. There are no other bridesmaids, but only because Sen is busy; they specifically sent an invitation to Yase.

Who did the most planning? It’s a really small and informal ceremony, so there wasn’t a lot of planning required. Yamazaki actually did more to make sure everything ran smoothly than either Souji or Chihiro.

Who stressed the most? Chihiro. Sure, she only loves Souji at this point and never wants to leave him, but getting married and calling herself somebody’s wife? Isn’t that just another set of expectations she’ll have to fulfill without knowing how?

How fancy was the ceremony? Back of a pickup truck | 2 | 3 | 4 | Normal Church Wedding | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Kate and William wish they were this big

Who was specifically not invited to the wedding? Everyone except Yamazaki and Chizuru, unfortunately. Given that most of their friends are dead and they’re on the losing side of the war, it’s a private ceremony out of necessity.

Sex:

Who is on top? Souji. He isn’t one to be dominated, and Chihiro has a pronounced submissive/masochistic streak. This only gets reversed once she’s more confident and he’s more secure.

Who is the one to instigate things? Souji, more often than not, but Chihiro opens the door for it.

How healthy is their sex life? Barely touch themselves let alone each other | 2 | 3 | 4 | Once or twice a week, nothing overboard | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | They are humping each other on the couch right now

How kinky are they? Straight missionary with the lights off | 2 | 3 | 4 | Might try some butt stuff and toys | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Don’t go into the sex dungeon without a horse’s head

How long do they normally last? Not very long, but long enough for both of them to be satisfied. Souji doesn’t like drawing out sex too long and in fact is rather fond of multiple short rounds per day rather than marathon sessions.

Do they make sure each person gets an equal amount of orgasms? Usually, but sometimes they’re more generous than that. Chihiro in particular sometimes isn’t in the mood herself, but has no objections to satisfying Souji.

How rough are they in bed? Softer than a butterfly on the back of a bunny | 2 | 3 | 4 | The bed’s shaking and squeaking every time | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Their dirty talk is so vulgar it’d make Dwayne Johnson blush. Also, the wall’s so weak it could collapse the next time they do it.

How much cuddling/snuggling do they do? No touching after sex | 2 | 3 | 4 | A little spooning at night, or on the couch, but not in public | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | They snuggle and kiss more often than a teen couple on their fifth date to a pillow factory.

Children:

How many children will they have naturally? One, if that. Chihiro is… not prepared to be a mother, even a little bit. She’s the type to pray for her period every month and also ask around about nineteenth-century contraceptives just to make sure.

How many children will they adopt? None.

Who gets stuck with the most diapers? Chihiro wants no part of that. Of course, Souji doesn’t either, so they trade off.

Who is the stricter parent? Chihiro, because she has more clearly defined lines that must not be crossed.

Who stops the kid(s) from doing dangerous stunts after school? Chihiro, because Souji is usually participating. In fact, Souji is usually one-upping them.

Who remembers to pack the lunch(es)? Not an issue, since the child would be homeschooled. Also, it’s worth noting that neither Souji nor Chihiro are good at remembering to eat, so it might actually be Yamazaki who takes the most care here.

Who is the more loved parent? They’re about equal in that neither of them have any idea how to act like parents, but probably Souji by a small margin since he’s better at relating to the kid.

Who is more likely to attend the PTA meetings? Chihiro, if those existed in this setting.

Who cried the most at graduation? Chihiro, if that was a thing.

Who is more likely to bail the child(ren) out of trouble with the law? Both of them, but with different methods. Chihiro would be more likely to succeed because Souji is more likely to try using force or coercion.

Cooking:

Who does the most cooking? Of the two of them, Chihiro, but Yamazaki cooks for their little clan most often out of the four members of the household.

Who is the most picky in their food choice? Souji for sure. No green onions!

Who does the grocery shopping? Chihiro, since she’s less readily recognizable as a wanted criminal. She usually accompanies Chizuru to get it done faster and carry more.

How often do they bake desserts? Every now and then. It’s not exactly a ‘special occasion’ thing, but they enjoy sweets more if they eat them sparingly.

Are they more of a meat lover or a salad eater? Neither of them are good at the whole ‘eating’ thing, so Yamazaki is the one who makes sure everyone in this household eats a balanced diet.

Who is more likely to surprise the other(s) with an anniversary dinner? Souji, while Chihiro is out in town. It would have turned out a lot worse if Yamazaki hadn’t rather charitably helped him out.

Who is more likely to suggest going out? Souji, because he craves being able to live some semblance of an ordinary life instead of hiding out at home all the time.

Who is more likely to burn the house down accidentally while cooking? Souji, but Chihiro doesn’t have a great deal of faith in her skills since they’re built on fragments of memories that aren’t her own.

Chores:

Who cleans the room? Chihiro, but only because her clutter threshold is slightly lower than Souji’s. It’s more fitting to say she tidies it, because fuck cleaning.

Who is really against chores? Both of them, really.

Who cleans up after the pets? Chihiro, but she doesn’t have to do much since their cats are all outdoor strays. Chizuru helps since they’re her cats too.

Who is more likely to sweep everything under the rug? Souji. Even Chihiro knows that doesn’t do anyone any favors.

Who stresses the most when guests are coming over? They never have guests, but given their circumstances, I’m pretty sure both of them would be stressed if anyone found them. Chihiro more so, most likely.

Who found a dollar between the couch cushions while cleaning? Souji, if they had a couch.

Misc:

Who takes the longer showers/baths? They bathe together to conserve water and stay in the water almost till it’s cold.

Who takes the dog out for a walk? Ain’t no dogs in this household. Just a lot of stray cats, with whom both of them thoroughly enjoy playing.

How often do they decorate the room/house for the holidays? They don’t, really. They celebrate quietly, but not to the extent that they decorate, since there’s no one to appreciate it other than themselves. And Yamazaki and Chizuru, neither of whom are especially festive either.

What are their goals for the relationship? Survive, and remind one another that they are loved and supported, and so it shall always be.

Who is most likely to sleep till noon? Souji. He sleeps a lot, and Chihiro can’t get out of bed after noon or she’s a complete zombie for the rest of the day.

Who plays the most pranks? SOUJI. To Chihiro’s dismay.

[thexsummerxsoldier-blog]

Steve X Natasha for the ship meme?

ultimate ship meme | accepting

end in two (or more) names and I’ll fill all this out about the ship!

General:

Rate the Ship -  Awful | Ew | No pics pls | I’m not comfortable | Alright | I like it! | Got Pics? | Let’s do it! | Why is this not getting more attention?! | The OTP to rule all other OTPs

How long will they last? - Eh Idk. If Steve and Nat are both in it for the long haul I think they could last.

How quickly did/will they fall in love? - I think it would’ve been a slow progression. Friendship that slowly developed feelings if anything.

How was their first kiss? - It was on the run, so it wasn’t the best. lol.

Wedding:

Who proposed? - Steve probably

Who is the best man/men? - Bucky and Sam. You think he’d choose? hahaha

Who is the bride’s maid(s)? - uhh would Nat choose Wanda? Maybe Okoye?

Who did the most planning? - Natasha probably. Steve isn’t much of a planner.

Who stressed the most? - Eh. Don’t think either of them would stress over it?

How fancy was the ceremony? - Back of a pickup truck | 2 | 3 | 4 | Normal Church Wedding | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Kate and William wish they were this big.

Who was specifically not invited to the wedding? - Thanos? lol no okay depends on where we’re at. In some cases I would say Tony, but otherwise? I’m not sure. 

Sex:

Who is on top? - Natasha

Who is the one to instigate things? - I think probably Natasha as well

How healthy is their sex life? - Pretty healthyBarely touch themselves let alone each other | 2 | 3 | 4 | Once a couple weeks, nothing overboard | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | They are humping each other on the couch right now

How kinky are they? - Straight missionary with the lights off | 2 | 3 | 4 | Might try some butt stuff and toys | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Don’t go into the sex dungeon without a horse’s head

How long do they normally last? - Doesn’t have to last long, but honestly with Steve he can have multiple orgasms in a pretty short amount of time. So both of them probably hold out longer than most.

Do they make sure each person gets an equal amount of orgasms? - Of course. They look out for each other.

How rough are they in bed? - Beds have been broken. probably.Softer than a butterfly on the back of a bunny | 2 | 3 | 4 | The bed’s shaking and squeaking every time | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Their dirty talk is so vulgar it’d make Dwayne Johnson blush. Also, the wall’s so weak it could collapse the next time they do it.

How much cuddling/snuggling do they do? - No touching after sex | 2 | 3 | 4 | A little spooning at night, or on the couch, but not in public | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | They snuggle and kiss more often than a teen couple on their fifth date to a pillow factory.

Children:

How many children will they have naturally? - idk? one if possible?

How many children will they adopt? - idk? kids are just a ???

Who gets stuck with the most diapers? - Steve probably

Who is the stricter parent? - Undecided. Maybe Nat?

Who stops the kid(s) from doing dangerous stunts after school? - lol idk. Do either of them? Maybe Nat? Maybe Steve but Steve could also be that dad that’s like ‘wow way to go, i mean that was very wrong’

Who remembers to pack the lunch(es)? - Steve

Who is the more loved parent? - Both loved

Who is more likely to attend the PTA meetings? Steve

Who cried the most at graduation? - ....Steve probably.

Who is more likely to bail the child(ren) out of trouble with the law? - Both.

Cooking:

Who does the most cooking? - Natasha. Pray to god Steve never cooks.

Who is the most picky in their food choice? - Natasha probably.

Who does the grocery shopping? - Both

How often do they bake desserts? - idk. however often Nat would do it

Are they more of a meat lover or a salad eater? - both?

Who is more likely to surprise the other(s) with an anniversary dinner? - Steve

Who is more likely to suggest going out? - Natasha?

Who is more likely to burn the house down accidently while cooking? - Steve

Chores:

Who cleans the room? - Steve

Who is really against chores? - Natasha?

Who cleans up after the pets? - Both?

Who is more likely to sweep everything under the rug? - idk both if it’s busy

Who stresses the most when guests are coming over? - Steve probably

Who found a dollar between the couch cushions while cleaning? - Steve

Misc:

Who takes the longer showers/baths? - depends. Steve does it when he’s having a moment, but otherwise he takes it pretty short.

Who takes the dog out for a walk? - Both

How often do they decorate the room/house for the holidays? - eh not a lot

What are their goals for the relationship? - Enjoy each other’s company? spend more time with each other?

Who is most likely to sleep till noon? - Neither

Who plays the most pranks? - Natasha???

[themadameditor]

This summer is a special one for me, because last summer I was in hospital for most of it and spent the rest of it on steroids and a host of there medications, swollen like a blowfish, and getting better. I am still in the course of treatment, but a long way away from where I was last year, feeling much, much, MUCH better, and planning to live every freaking moment of the summer and beyond. I am not a huge fan of the summer, the heat on my skin, the humidity; Britain has the most humid summers… but I vividly remember myself last year hoping and praying that if I make it out I would live that cliche of living my best life. And I’m trying y’all, I really am.

This summer has been glorious, actual sunshine and heat, hotter than an Indian summer if you’ll believe that and come the first of August we are counting down the days to Autumn zooming right past it to the thick of winter. By the end of August we are talking back to school and back to real life for parents and children and the grind of things. But we have now before then, so let’s plan to live the hell out of the summer and make some good memories that can keep us going till the next summer. As I type this, it is pouring down with rain outside my window, bang in the middle of this blazing summer we have torrential rain and thunder storms but I am not mad at the in the least, we need the rain, farmers need it for the soil to keep feeding us good food in season, we need the rain to clean all the humidity and gunk from the pollution the earth is suffering.

This list is a guideline, if you do one thing on it fabulous. Ten? Grand. All? Fantastic. the aim is to live your best life, (said in my best Oprah voice). So let’s get right on into it shall we?

1. Sleep In: August is heaven for everyone, everywhere, no school in session, family holidays, blissful commute into work because trains are not crowded…it is the perfect month to sleep in and catch up on the hours lost to sleeplessness, work and all nighters. Sleep in and get your energy right on balance, and catch up with your body and reacquaint yourself with her natural rhythm.

2. Let your body wake up naturally: see number 1. Get rid of your alarm clock and let your body wake up to the sound of birds and the rise of the sun. Even if it means going in late for work or missing our on the morning calls. Better still no calls until noon until the summer is over.

3. Read two books: something old and something new. For something old, if you have never read it, read Lucky Chances by Jackie Collins. For something new read an Italian Holiday; a book about four women getting away from the ish of their lives in London and holidaying in Italy. Bonus points; read my book. 😉

4. Have a Day-cation: binge watch some shows on Netflix and Amazon. A couple on Netflix: Luke Cage, Drug Lords, Chef, North & South; okay, more than a couple. Amazon: The Bold Type- I really like this show, it is set around three women working the fashion industry, publishing specifically, and yes the three girls can be annoying and atypical at times but it is a far cry from the Devil Wears Prada, which shows of this ilk tend to slant towards. My favourite character is the Editor In Chief. She’s cool and the type of person I would like to believe exists in the industry. Another show and one of Amazon’s best creation is Bosch- this is my absolute favourite show on Amazon, detective Hieronymous “Harry” Bosch, central character in the dark crime drama set in Los Angeles. Binge watch all four seasons in one day and thank me later.

5. Go to a music concert: I’ll admit I am not a huge fan of concerts, crowds make me anxious and the moment gets lost in the melee. Give me a couch and a big screen TV and I’m good, but its the summer and we are living it up so we are taking our fly selves to a concert, in the Park, or at the Albert Hall or maybe something more low key and free; the ever faithful underground busker… whatever floats your boat just go.

6. Plan a night in Paris: be impetuous, call your girlfriends or go SOLO for a night in Paris if you’re close enough.

7. Do something fun in Paris: a fancy meal at L’Orangerie @ George V perhaps, or afternoon tea @ Le Bristol. Go to a museum, forget the Louvre, D’Orsay is my favourite museum in all of Paris. Be a cliché and have expensive hot chocolate at Cafe de Flore. Walk around and marvel at the astounding beauty that is Jardin du Luxembourg; my favourite place to be in Paris.

8. Return from Paris: with pastries from Pierre Here and spend the evening drinking champagne before bed.

9. See a play in the west end: Its a shame that Baba Segi’s wives is not in theatres anymore, but there is always something on so scroll through timeout or art reviews, pick a small theatre, they normally have good plays and go see it, for the culture and for support. Or if you can get tickets, you should go see Hamilton. It is quite simply the greatest show on earth.

10. Go Clubbing: re-live your youth and party in heels that hurt, a dress that is too short, full face of makeup. Flirt with handsome men, exchange numbers for the night. Jump on the night bus home and stop by the kebab shop before you make it home at six in the morning.

11. Babysit your nieces, nephews and god-children: preferably not right after your wild night out in the club.

12. Throw a fabulous dinner party: for friends and catch up on the good times you had.

13. Get lost in London: it’s a beautiful city to get lost in and no matter how many times you roam it, every corner is a surprise.

14. Picnic in the Park: Hyde Park is so beautiful, so vast, so lovely all year round but nothing beats it in the summer. Grab a picnic basket, bottle of chilled champagne, meats and cheeses, fat strawberries and cream, salads and go chill in the park with your bestest

15. Call an old friend: we all have that one friend we have lost touch with, call them up, check in with an old relative, see how they are doing, and say a prayer for the world.

16. Clean your skirting boards: as a matter of fact, clean the whole house, organise your closet and take excess to charity or give them out to family or friends who want them. Live light and let light in.

17. Organise your christmas holiday plans: have a white Christmas or escape somewhere tropical. Do something fun and unusual this time.

18. Get your low maintenance beauty routine on point: the summer is no time to bother with too much make-up because the humidity will not let you be beautiful and great so fine-tune your best make up, no make up look that won’t be a victim of the humidity. Paint your nails, scrub your feet and moisturise them. I love this foot cream, from Burt’s Bees, 100% moisture all day. Don’t be ashy this summer.

19. Plan your wardrobe ahead: make this the summer you wear the prettiest dresses. If you can, and I know you can, plan all the dresses for the 31 days in August.

20. Spend some time being alone: check yourself into a hotel or stay indoors, order room service, go dine out alone or cook yourself a home-cooked meal… do something for you and all about you, get to know yourself better and enjoy being in your company.

21. Spend time with family: I have an awesome family and we are all scattered around the world but in each other’s lives through phone, texts etc. When you can, drop by your parents’, call your brother, sisters, aunts, uncles… get the barbecue going and enjoy being in the company of loved ones.

22. Go to a quiz night at your local… I know, I know but try it its so much fun

23. Spend a Monday by the sea: away from work and the hustle of every day life

24. Write a short story: it can be about anything you want at all, just carve out sometime and put words down to paper.

25. Take a leap of faith: If its a bad decision, learn from it and move on. Enjoy the rewards of a good decision, pay it forward pass on the good feeling

26. Take a day trip outside of London: a summer’s day punting on River Cam, taking a literary tour of Oxford, or walking the bucolic lanes of the Cotswolds… do something that takes you out of the big smoke.

27. Take a digital detox: nowadays, a lot of things on social media make me so damn mad and I find myself engaging with crazy people but I have cut back on my time online and it has done me a world of good. Social media is both good and dangerous for you, find sometime to be ignorant of the shit that can sometimes go down on there.

28. Go to bed late, wake up later.

29. Eat dessert as a whole meal.

30. Fall in love with your life all over again: Be intentional about this and make sure you love your life. We are all going through things, the world is a shitty place to be sometimes these days but here is the thing; you only have you at night when you look yourself in the mirror. Be intentional with loving yourself. Please.

31. Take it all in: Take care of yourself. Check your breasts, drink lots of water, eat well, eat in season, moisturise at night, exercise however you can, limit your meat consumption, use sunscreen, my sister, use sunscreen.

To the summer of our lives.

31 Days of Summer This summer is a special one for me, because last summer I was in hospital for most of it and spent the rest of it on steroids and a host of there medications, swollen like a blowfish, and getting better.

[memorylang]

Week in My American Pandemic Life | #44 | September 2020

September felt like a good month to share another slice-of-life blog story (since my last one was pre-pandemic, last December!). 

Leading into Sept. 2020, I knew that it’d be the month in which I’d find out whether I was going back to Peace Corps Mongolia in October. If so, I’d need to be ready to repack my belongings and head back overseas. If not, I’d find out for how much longer I’d need to wait. 

The longer I’ve been back in the States, the more little activities I’ve picked up. But still, my heart’s with the Peace Corps. I want to go back as soon as I can. With that in mind, though, here’s what I’ve been up to! 

Most Every Day

These events encompass my stateside weeks 26 to 30 (being Aug. 28 to Oct. 1). I've been doing mostly ad hoc projects depending on Peace Corps’ timeline. Since my summer weeks, my most recurring roles have focused around two task forces and two boards on which I’ve been serving amid the pandemic. Beyond these, I’ve been focusing on readying for graduate school and seeking a strong spiritual life. 

I spent most of September in Reno, so my week-in-the-life stories encompass those periods. My weekends largely blurred with my weekdays, so weeks tended to mesh together. Still, each day had enough recurring events that I’ll start by describing those common threads. 

Long Before Dawn

I usually rose between 3 and 5 a.m. I’d basically fling myself out of bed to shut off my alarm so as not to wake my younger brother. Then I’d leave the room and spend my morning in the house’s kitchen/dining area. 

From then till 9 a.m., I’d mostly work on language exercises from the classical Latin textbook I've been using with a long-time friend who’s been tutoring me this rich language. Around 9 a.m., we’d hop on our video call. Even on weekends we tended to call. We chatted usually for a couple hours, finishing around 11 a.m. or noon, depending on our start. 

Besides Latin daily, I’d a few other activities I’d do usually sometime between about 4 a.m. and 1 p.m. These were for spirit, for fun and a bit of escape. 

I’d continued my quarantine habits of reading more Scripture. At the month’s start, I’d pray a rosary and read a Psalm a day. A friend and I had finished reading our daily Proverbs chapters in August, so we’d decided to take on a Psalm a day. Then my other friend and I had concluded our rosaries. So, I’d read a Hebrews chapter with my Psalm a day. After I finished Hebrews, my other Bible study group had begun John. So, by September’s end, I was reading a Psalm and John verses a day. Good times.  

Daily App Streaks

Around 8 a.m. I’d get in a power nap to recharge. Usually after 8 I also didn’t tend to receive messages from friends in Mongolia, for that approached their midnight. If I received new messages, those tended to come after 6 p.m., which was their morning.

On the learning side, I’d also keep up my Duolingo streak. I’d surpassed over 150 days, so I figured I might as well keep at it. I mostly used Duolingo to practice Latin and seldom had touched the Spanish and Chinese lessons as much as I used to. Sometimes my daily Duolingo lesson feel like bad medicine, but I remind myself that languages stick best when I rehearse them. Other days feel great! 

A bit after my morning nap would be my 9 a.m. Latin tutorial. Either right after it (closer to noon or 1 p.m.) or long before it, such as when I’d wake up or shower, I do my Scripture readings, Duolingo and also Pokémon tasks. I’d never set a specific time for these. 

Mostly to break up the hard stuff, I’d keep up Pokémon GO and Pokémon Masters EX streaks. The freemium games offer daily bonuses for simple activities. In terms of self-tending, I remember that humans ought to set aside time each day for play. At least by playing free games, I needn’t spend money. They get me out of the house, too! 

Habits of Isolation

When I’m not out of the house, the pandemic surely does weird stuff to me. Free time seems to lead me to check my email inbox, perhaps too often. I think that the habit stems from my ambiverted itch to have social contact after spending hours alone glued to topics. I also just like helping people and brightening their days, given how unevenly the pandemic affects us. More innocuously, I check my Google Calendar too to make sure I don’t miss deadlines. I try not to stress so much… 

When I caught myself staring too long at that inbox, I’d go outside an hour or few to a walk around the neighborhood, thank God and weigh whatever might be on my mind. Reno, Nev. had had plenty of smoke from NorCal fires, so I’d definitely keep on my facemask. I loved being outside, but toxic air made me less eager. 

Around 3 p.m., I’d get in a second power nap. Though, on some weekdays my youngest brother had his online class at 3. So, I try to nap a little before, so he could have the room to himself. 

Our family usually has dinner around 6:45 p.m. or 7. Attendance varies depending on who’s at the house by that day. At minimum would usually be Dad, my tita /TEE-tuh/ (Filipina stepma) and me. At most, there would usually include four more, being my youngest brother, a family friend who's also our tenant, my youngest sister and her boyfriend. Sometimes by brother’s still on campus, the family friend’s at work, and/or my sister and her bf aren’t visiting till the next day. 

As a side note, when I’d first started coming up from Vegas to help at the Reno house, Dad had only purchased a dining table with four chairs. Then he’d purchased four more chairs, which most of us had opposed. Once everyone else had come up for their fall semesters, though, we conceded that Dad won. 

Weekday Mornings

Mondays through Fridays are my dad’s workdays, so morning routines go a little differently. Regardless, I’d usually still be up early, from that 3 to 5 a.m. range. 

Tita would usually come downstairs around 5:15 a.m. to begin fixing breakfast for my father and whoever else was at the house. My stepmom reminds me of my mom in this way, waking early to fix food for everyone. I thought of both of them when reading of the woman in Proverbs 31:15, “She gets up while it is still night; she provides food for her family [...].” I hope I’ll be a caring parent, too. 

Tita had retired some months after marrying my pa, which gave her more free time. If she wasn’t down around 5:15, she’d had asked me to come knock upstairs on the master bedroom door in case she and Dad overslept their alarms. I give her a hand when she needs it. Tita would also fix Papa coffee and unload the dishwasher from the night before. I’d help her reach higher shelves and take things to or from the garage.

And Tita and I would chat a bit. I hadn’t known much about the Philippines geographically. I felt surprised to learn that her home province's language is Bisayan, not Tagalog. She said it’s because she’s from Bohol, in the Central Visayas. We’d chat about Asian culture and our Catholicism, too, like the Bible and prayers. I’d also vent about life sometimes. She is a patient soul. 

An Early Breakfast

Often between 5:45 a.m. or 6, my papa would come downstairs and enjoy the breakfast his wife made. Dad would also sometimes ask me to do things or comment on my ‘inability’ to do them. I tried to ignore the comments that I felt were a bit rude, since Dad told me I’m going to meet lots of mean people in life. He means well... 

By 6:15 a.m., Dad would take off for work, so he’d kiss his honey goodbye and wish me a good day. Back when I was the only one staying at the house with Dad, I’d carry his bags out to the car; but by September, usually Tita would do this. I appreciated that she’d alleviated some of my burdens. She let me focus more on my own tasks, like language studies. 

After Dad left, Tita would return upstairs to sleep. In the afternoon, she’d resume cooking to prepare dinner. I’d often still be in the kitchen/dining room since I usually had my computer and notebooks set up there. The house hasn’t really had many other tables on which to work. 

Dad tended to get home around 6:45 p.m., hence our family’s usual mealtime. Whoever was nearby would set the table and summon the others. Afterward, we’d all usually pitch to put away the dishes and table mats while Pa and Tita got ready for their evening walk (or while Dad got distracted watching politics on the news). Tita had us leave food out for the others who’d missed dinner. 

And now to share the unique activities of my week’s days! 

MONDAYS: Non-Profit + Chinese

Mondays and Tuesdays were my Chinese days. Besides the usual Latin in the morning, I’d have a Chinese call in the evening with a teacher whom I’d met through Discord and reddit. The Chinese woman happened to have more free time through the pandemic, and so she felt happy to work with an eager student like me for free! I’d prep for our calls by reading her textbook and watching tutorial videos she’d taped. She encouraged me to give feedback, too. 

Before our half-hour Chinese calls, Monday afternoons were also a bit busier. My siblings and I had our Foundation calls to go over the non-profit we were building to honor our late mother and help others. I usually just told people around me that my calls were to catch up with my sibs, which was also true. Since June, we’d been meeting to incorporate as we built up for our Oct. 8, 2020 launch. 

Foundation meetings reminded me of extracurricular boards on which I’d sat during my undergrad and brought to mind my experiences in national public relations and advertising competition courses during my final years in journalism school. I felt like I’d been doing this type of work for years! 

My siblings and I later moved our meeting time to Thursday afternoons to better accommodate school and work schedules. 

And Mondays weren’t all-work-and-no-play. Usually by Monday nights I could find the new episode of “Crash Course: Linguistics” available on YouTube. I really liked those. Plus on Mondays, I could often find online versions of the newest Japanese “Pokémon Journeys” episodes with English subtitles. I’d gotten back into the show in Mongolia when I’d heard that its lead protagonist finally became Champion. Amazing to see! 

TUESDAYS: Chinese + Social Justice in Psychology

Tuesdays continued Monday’s Chinese. At 8 a.m. I hopped onto a call of language learners through the National Security Girl Squad (which welcomes men, too!). We’d discuss current political events and interests in Chinese, which definitely helped my vocab. The group reminds me of folks I’d met while participating in the U.S. Department of State Critical Language Scholarship (CLS) Program 2018. Many involved in our calls had also done CLS! 

After the Chinese call finished at 9, I sometimes slipped up a bit swapping back to Latin. But, I figure I just need to toughen up that mental acuity. 

At 4 p.m., though later moved to 5 p.m., I’d hop on another Zoom for an entirely different topic. I've been serving on the Social Justice Task Force for Division 36 of the American Psychological Association! We focus on how we can live social justice within the Society for the Psychology of Religion and Spirituality. I’ve learned so much from these scholars, practitioners and doctoral students. They even appointed me Task Force secretary from early October. 

Tuesday nights I also get another Pokémon break, in the form of Spotlight Hour in Pokémon GO. Sometimes I jog over to a local park for this. The event lets me catch some rarer Pokémon before dinner, hehe. 

WEDNESDAYS: Advocacy + Scripture + Calls

Surprisingly similar to my undergrad years, Wednesdays tended to be my ‘gauntlet’ for the week. Once I got through Wednesdays, I got through the week. 

On a couple Wednesdays, I’d gotten scheduled on behalf of the National Peace Corps Association (NPCA) conference calls with Nevada Rep. Horsford’s and Sen. Rosen’s offices. I experienced a bit of stress coordinating these activities as a citizen advocate, but I found the thrill of mobilizing decades of Returned Peace Corps Volunteers rewarding. (I even got to meet one in-person who teaches at the Uni of Nevada, Las Vegas!) Thanks to our efforts, Rep. Horsford opted to co-sponsor some urgent Peace Corps legislation, and I even got to publish an advocacy article in the NPCA’s WorldView magazine! 

At Wednesday noons, I’d reconnect with a Christian friend with whom I read a Scripture chapter a day. We’d studied abroad together in Shanghai, China 2017, actually! We’d catch up about life, reflect on our readings and chat about our foci for the week. God, I love fellowship. 

On a couple more Wednesdays, I had my virtual meetings with the Honors College at the Uni of Nevada, Reno. Timing tended to place our External Affairs committee and Community Advisory Board meetings on Wednesdays. I also wound up as secretary for the latter! Meanwhile, I served as co-chair of our Alumni Task Force; its meeting fell on a Thursday. For some reason, other calls with friends tended to stack up on Wednesdays, too. 

By the night’s end, I was usually pretty tired. But, Pokémon GO had its legendary Raid Hour! So I usually jogged to the park or someplace for another cool Pokémon before it changed. Fun times. 

THURSDAYS and FRIDAYS: Recentering

Thursdays and Fridays tended to be similar in terms of functions. Sometimes I’d have web conference events on these mornings. Otherwise, I’d usually sprinkle excess meetings from Wednesdays into Thursday afternoons. 

Thursday mornings I’d have a quick check-in call with one of my fellow evacuated Returned Peace Corps Volunteers who was also telling her story. Thursday afternoons became my siblings’ and my family foundation’s new meeting time. First and third Thursday evenings, my Knights of Columbus College Council also prayed rosaries together over Zoom. 

Thursday and Friday mornings tended to be better for my Latin since I’d fewer outside stressors. I’d shifted my least urgent business to Friday afternoons. I’d usually get out any last emails Friday before the weekend or queue them for Monday. 

SATURDAYS: Wildcards

Saturdays varied. Sometimes they were like Fridays were fewer responsibilities. I did my own things, usually catching up on my Latin or working on personal projects. I saw national and state parks on one weekend! 

Saturdays were also the first of Dad’s couple days off. So, he was at the house, too. Sometimes Dad heaped on responsibilities, busying my weekend. 

SUNDAYS: Workdays

Sundays were pleasant. At 4 or 5 a.m., the American couple I’d befriended, who still worked in Mongolia, led their weekly Bible study video call with Mongolians. When my alarm successfully woke me up, I’d sign onto Zoom to chat with them about our week’s readings. I’d usually gain new insights, share what’s up in the States, and they’d mention what’s new in Mongolia. Then we’d offer our prayer intentions and sign off within the half-hour. 

Dad tended to get up a bit later on Sundays. Our family did a few activities together if he wasn’t out shopping with Tita. Besides fixing together a hardier Sunday brunch, our main activity would be to see the Sunday liturgy on one of the tellies upstairs. We tended to watch Fr. Nathan Mamo and the students from Our Lady of Wisdom Newman Center since that was the parish we’d attended in Reno. Sometimes my sister or I would appear on the videos, too. We’d occasionally help with the readings or psalms since we used to serve at Masses pre-pandemic. 

Given the many morning activities, my Latin-tutoring friend and I tended to call off or call short our calls on Sundays. 

Sometime after the liturgy, Dad often had me or my siblings come outside to help him with yard work. Dad works on his days off—been his way since before I was born, judging from stories of my older half-brother. I figure it’s from his childhood on the farm or maybe past life as an army officer. Dad works hard. 

Well, it’s a busy life, but I’m grateful to have finally been receiving Pandemic Unemployment Assistance. That’s let me stress less while I wait to get back to the Peace Corps. I’m an extremely fortunate soul. 

Into October

Toward September’s end, I found out I wouldn’t be returning to Peace Corps Mongolia until Jan. 2021 at the earliest. This led me to prioritize readying my things for my future redeployment. It also gave me the comfort to let teams and friends know I’d be around longer. I felt weird knowing I’ll be in the States this year for such holidays as Hallowe’en, Thanksgiving and Christmas. But, God opens many doors.

By my last week this September, I still really felt ‘abroad.’ I haven’t settled much into the U.S. since returning. I feel more like I’m ‘just visiting.’ I wonder when I’ll feel at home again. I try to keep in mind that home is wherever I feel secure, safe and comfortable, welcomed and belonging in my community and space. Now that I’ve a bedroom again in the Vegas house where I’d spent middle and high school, that could help.

Usually once or twice a week Dad still has a yard task or chore for me to do, but those have been less frequent since fall set in. I think now that there’s more for me to attend to in Vegas, I’ll probably return there from late October. Let me know if you want to chat! Love to hear how people’ve been weathering this pandemic. 

As for this blog, more to come! I look forward to writing about diversity, considering both nature and people. Remember to vote, American friends! What a year we’ve had. 

 You can read more from me here at DanielLang.me :)

[museinspo]

*.:｡♦ ⋅ ⋆ — MUSING TAGS - LYRIC EDITION

i recently hit a huge milestone & reached the 2nd birthday for this blog, so i wanted to do something cute to give back & say thank you !!! with that being said, under the cut you’ll find 668 lyrics that can be used for character musing tags ! they’ve been categorised into different labels ( eg. the baby doll, the lothario, the vixen, the cataclysmic, etc ) so some lyrics may appear under more than one category. i do, however, recommend checking out all the categories !! they were just listed by my own interpretation and definitely aren’t limited to a certain label in the slightest. the pronouns used are simply what was used in the original line but can obviously be changed to fit your character. depending on personal preference, some may be a little too long but can be shortened down pretty easily. a general trigger warning is to be placed for these as they do reference some sensitive topics ( drugs, alcohol, sex, etc ), as the tags on my blog do. i believe that covers it all !! if you find this useful, please do like and/or reblog ! also, please let me know if you’d like to see a part two of this ! you can find the quote version of this right here for more suggestions !!

general ( 36 )

things change ; people change ; feelings change too.

never thought the circumstances would have changed you.

so all that i'm asking is that you handle me with caution.  

we will carve our place into time and space.

this ain't my scene ; this wasn't my dream.  

seeing the pain inside in this house of fear.

no lies in my eyes ; nothing but truth will leave my mouth.

i'm tryna fucking scream but the words won't come out. 

i’m the girl you’d die for.

you’ll find me in the lonely hearts. 

but i’m still looking pretty in a dress.

i wish i’d been a prom queen fighting for the title.

i want my virginity back so i can feel infinity.

i’ve put money where my mouth is.

i can hear freedom calling.

just another girl in the 21st century.

they all say she’s got low self esteem.

blue maybelline mascara is running down my favourite shirt.

drinking champagne made of an angel’s tears and pain.

i feel like i’m the worst so i always act like i’m the best. 

the stars that burn the brightest fall so fast and pass you by. 

falling down like dominos ; hit by family jewels. 

she’s too smart to crave material things.

and you’re caught up in your permanent emotions.

palms reflecting in your eyes like an endless summer.

i’m just a soul whose intentions are good.

we don’t have to be ordinary.

she would not show that she was afraid.

underneath the darkness there's a light that's trying so hard to be seen.

get in your dress and put on your doll faces.

you look like you’ve been for breakfast at the heartbreak hotel.

i’m tired of being tongue tied.

my mind is a warrior, my heart is a foreigner.

got two left feet and a bottle of red wine.

i know i fear fear too much.

i’m teaching myself how to be free.

the addictive ( 37 )

you're only happy when your sorry head is filled with dope.

you're ripped at every edge but you're a masterpiece.

everything was blue ; his pills, his hands, his jeans.

everything was grey ; his hair, his smoke, his dreams.  

well acquainted with villains that live in my bed.

last night I got high as your expectations.

mama called me destructive ; said it'd ruin me one day.

when I'm fucked up, that's the real me.

maybe i've been always destined to end up in this place.

i'm a prisoner to my addiction.

i'm addicted to a life that's so empty and so cold.

rags to riches but i'm addicted to being broken.

cause you know that i can't trust myself with my 3AM shadow.

haunts me tonight ; the ghosts are alive.

i'm faded once again ; i don’t know where i am.

i'll be here somewhere in the corner under clouds of marijuana.

i don't drink to get drunk.

bright lights but she's fading.

i'm buzzing and i feel laced ; i'm coming from a different phase.  

a lack of sanity, losing touch with reality.

smoking too much, it's starting to fog up my clarity.

i found my life in between shots and getting high.

smoke and mirrors keeps us waiting on a miracle.

i send my best regards from hell.

in the night your heart is full and by the morning empty.

all i wanna do is get drunk and silent.

drinking champagne to forget yesterday.

all i want to do is get high by the beach.

she’s inducing sleep to avoid the pain.

i’ve got sinning on my mind, drinking on red wine.

you say you’re numb inside.

i wanna be drunk when i wake up.

what didn’t kill me never made me stronger.

i switch up my cup i kill any pain.

you’ve been drinking like the world was gonna end.

life can get you down so i numb the way it feels.

another drink just to pass the time.

the aesthete (3)

i lay back in a glittering mist.

i know you love it when the hairpins start to fall.

i get excited when i discover something rare. 

the allegiant (3)

i'm a puppet on your string. 

the queen of peace always does her best to please.

i’m teaching myself how to be free.

the anthomaniac (2)

i’m covered by nature and i’m safe now.

i want to feel that sea breeze.

artisan (29)

self-made success now she rolls with Rockefellers. 

you're ripped at every edge but you're a masterpiece.

i feel inspired, at quarter to three AM.

now we're coming for the throne ; we did it all alone.

running on the music and night highs.  

trying to embrace the picture i paint and colour me free.  

i'm too busy on the road i'm too busy bookin' show.

i'm a show you more than i ever could say.

we brought our drum and this is how we dance.

we will carve our place into time and space.

can't tune my chords into your songs.

she always dances when it's raining.

melodies and memories ; stories that sound absurd.

back with a vengeance, back with a song.

my empire keeps growing cause i am so demand.

you could hear the song inside of me.

i’m that song you wouldn't sing ; just a broken melody.

spent years singing to forget. 

paint a picture for me where the sky is blue.

i’ll stick to hell-no’s and headphones.

singing soft grunge just to soak up the noise.

let me photograph you in this light.

i love it when you dance like there’s nobody there.

i feel inspired at quarter to the three am.

i’m sitting on a night bus flicking through my ipod.

she prays to be sculpted by the sculptor. 

the voice inside me plays a different song.

she’s humming in the restless summer air.

you’ll find a rooftop to sing from or a hallway to dance. 

the astrophile (13)

i'm on mission to the stars ; i'm the love child living life on Mars.

i bought a star in the night sky tonight.

you’re buying stars to shut out the light.

i feel celestial. 

and i light up the sky. 

stars in her eyes.

my only friend was the man in the moon.

like the stars missing the sun in the morning sky.

you taught me the courage of stars.

but there’s room for two six feet under the stars.

hey good girl with your head in the clouds.

i don’t know what’s in the stars.

take me to the moon where i can sleep till noon.

the baby doll (11)

what kind of bubblegum have you been blowing lately? 

she wants somebody to love ; to hold her.

candy bear ; sweetie pie ; wanna be adored.

i’m gonna pop your bubblegum heart.

primadonna girl ; all i ever wanted was the world.

i wanna be a silk flower like i’m never gonna die.

get in your dress and put on your doll faces.

sickeningly sweet like honey.

why did you steal me cotton candy heart?

i know you love it when the hairpins start to fall.

sweet like honeysuckle late at night.

the bellwether (11)

i'm a marquise diamond ; could even make that tiffany jealous.

but i’m still looking pretty in a dress.

six inch heels ; she walked in the club like nobody’s business.

get in your dress and put on your doll faces.

high heel shoes with the open toes. 

all red dress with the devil eyes.

she always seems to be alone but the diamonds make it better.

squeezing in and out of these dresses.

covergirls don’t cry after their face is made.

i know you love it when the hairpins start to fall.

i wear the robe like no one could.

the benevolent (5)

there is no crime in being kind.

sweet like honeysuckle late at night. 

the queen of peace always does her best to please.

you’re sweet as maple.

she’s the apple in everybody’s eye.

the cataclysmic (26)

i see a flame ; i wanna get burned.

my demons are begging me to open up my mouth.

selfish, taking what i want and call it mine.

viral mess turned dreams into an empire. 

i'm the violence in the pouring rain ; i'm a hurricane.

you've got a fire inside but your heart's so cold.

i'm meaner than my demons ; i'm bigger than these bones.

goddamn right, you should be scared of me.  

well acquainted with villains that live in my bed.

mama called me destructive ; said it'd ruin me one day.

I'm a villain in my city, I just made another killing.

i'm addicted to a life that's so empty and so cold.

i'd rather be spitting blood than have this silence fuck me up.  

rags to riches but i'm addicted to being broken.

cause you know that i can't trust myself with my 3AM shadow.

i'm afraid of nothing, i'm afraid of no one.

haunts me tonight ; the ghosts are alive.

your lies are bullets your mouth's a gun.  

and if you get in my face then you'll get a taste ; even God would run.

i send my best regards from hell.

sometimes silence is violent.

i’m meaner than my demons.

i’ve got sinning on my mind, drinking on red wine.

it’s the devil that’s trying to hold me down.

i’m here again between the devil and danger.

i’m a monster in disguise

celebrity ( 40 )

tired of all these cameras flashing, sick of being poised. 

with your face all made up, living on a screen.

plastic smiles and denial can only take you so far.

my life is a movie and everyone's watching.

in my city i'm a young God.

infatuated by the fame status.

i'm addicted to a life that's so empty and so cold.

I think I've been in Hollywood for too long.

i get so wrapped up in a world where nothing's as it seems.

when i've got that cigarette smoke and saint laurent coat.  

i'm too busy on the road i'm too busy bookin' show.

my life is a movie and everyone's watching.

act like you know me but you never will.

and every time we get up, always end up on the news.

my mother said don't forget where you come from.

we will carve our place into time and space.

bright lights but she's fading.

you're caught between a dream and a movie scene.  

i'm just wishing it's ambition that got you your position.  

a lack of sanity, losing touch with reality.

i think you’re going to be my biggest fan.

primadonna girl ; all i ever wanted was the world.

hollywood infected my brain. 

don’t do love ; don’t do friends ; i’m only after success.

shake me from la hallucinations.

but the teeth come out when the camera flashes. 

paparazzi ; catch my fly and my cocky fresh.

but Hollywood legends will never grow old.

but do you feel like a young god?

we could be immortal.

dollar bill is her only sign.

platinum off a mixtape, sipping on that codeine.

i got all these women too attracted to the fame.

she knows her pussy’s got a fanbase.

i’ve been looking sad in all the nicest places.

covergirls don’t cry after their face is made.

i’m home less than i’d like to be.

i won’t drink in all of this fame.

interviews want to know my thoughts and opinions.

she’ll network till her dreams come true.

the connard (2)

just because he has a heart doesn't mean he got heart. 

my heart is way too frozen to be broken.

the contingent (4)

i'm helpless, clinging to a little bit of spine.

she wants somebody to love ; to hold her.

cause baby don't wanna be lonely.

you’ll find me in the lonely hearts. 

the contrite (1)

the queen of peace always does her best to please.

the coquette (11)

don't belong to no city ; don't belong to no man.

now my mascara runnin', red lipstick smudged.

tell 'em this heart doesn't stay to one.

i'm tempted by kings with the finest of things.

i’m gonna pop your bubblegum heart.

primadonna girl ; all i ever wanted was the world.

you can count on me to misbehave.

you’ll find me in the lonely hearts. 

i break a million hearts just for fun.

she knows her pussy’s got a fanbase.

heaven in her mouth ; she’s got one hell of a tongue.

the crepehanger (8)

this is a modern fairytale ; no happy endings.

excuse me if i seem a little unimpressed with this ; an anti-social pessimist.

i live my life in bitterness and fill my heart with emptiness. 

blackjack ; classic vinyl ; tough girl is what i had to be.

i’ll stick to hell-no’s and headphones.

shining like gun metal ; cold and unsure.

underneath the darkness there's a light that's trying so hard to be seen.

my heart is way too frozen to be broken.

the crimson (4)

your lies are bullets your mouth's a gun.  

and no war in anger was ever won.  

i’m left seeing red on my own.

sometimes silence is violent.

the crestfallen (13)

everything was blue ; his pills, his hands, his jeans. 

in the night she's dancing to relieve the pain.

you can hold onto the sadness like a souvenir.

so all that i'm asking is that you handle me with caution.  

i'm sad about shit that never happened.

i’m that song you wouldn't sing ; just a broken melody.

all the sadness inside me melted away like i was free.

blue maybelline mascara is running down my favourite shirt.

paint a picture for me where the sky is blue.

i ran out of tears when i was 18.

i’ve been looking sad in all the nicest places.

covergirls don’t cry after their face is made.

there’s a silent peace in the tragedies. 

the despondent (30)

you're ripped at every edge but you're a masterpiece. 

everything was blue ; his pills, his hands, his jeans.

the pain's inside and nobody frees you from your body.

everything was grey ; his hair, his smoke, his dreams.  

he's so devoid of color ; he don't know what it means.

you can't wake up, this is not a dream.

don't waste precious tears on me ; i'm not worth the misery.

in the night she's dancing to relieve the pain.

maybe i've been always destined to end up in this place.

i'm addicted to a life that's so empty and so cold.

i need time to replace what i gave away.

and my home has never felt this far.

now i'm left here in the dust with the taste of broken trust.  

this voice inside has been eating at me.  

haunts me tonight ; the ghosts are alive.

you can hold onto the sadness like a souvenir.

i'm sad about shit that never happened.

i’m that song you wouldn't sing ; just a broken melody. 

i send my best regards from hell.

born with a void ; hard to destroy with love or hope.

built with a heart ; broken from the start.

they all say she’s got low self esteem.

i’ll stick to hell-no’s and headphones.

underneath the darkness there's a light that's trying so hard to be seen.

she’s inducing sleep to avoid the pain.

sometimes silence is violent.

you say you’re numb inside.

my heart is way too frozen to be broken.

gone made within his suffering ; called out for relief.

there’s a silent peace in the tragedies. 

i’m tryna fucking scream but the words won’t come out.

the dirtbag (2)

sad eyes, bad guys ; mouth full of white lies.

you can count on me to misbehave.

the ecclesiastic (2)

heaven help me keep my faith and my eyes wide open.  

cause you’re my religion ; you’re how i’m living. 

the ecdysiast (5)

in the night she's dancing to relieve the pain. 

six inch heels ; she walked in the club like nobody’s business.

she murdered everybody and i was her witness.

turn down the lights and watch my private show. 

she knows her pussy’s got a fanbase.

the facade (15)

all we do is think about the feelings that we hide.

plastic smiles and denial can only take you so far.

you break when the fake facade leaves you in the dark.

in the night she's dancing to relieve the pain.

i get so wrapped up in a world where nothing's as it seems.

cause you know that i can't trust myself with my 3AM shadow.

said it so many times before but i can't front no more.

with an angel voice ; devil in disguise.

what they didn't know is that she could barely carry on.

and every time you ask i'll pretend i'm okay.

we are the greatest pretenders in the cold morning light.

she don’t get emotional ; she kill off all her feelings.

i’m faking glory.

i’m a monster in disguise

with an angel voice ; devil in disguise. 

the fallen angel (14)

i need time to replace what i gave away.

now i'm left here in the dust with the taste of broken trust.  

now i’m all alone and my joys turned to moping.

haunts me tonight ; the ghosts are alive.

so all that i'm asking is that you handle me with caution.  

i send my best regards from hell.

sick of these wounds that won’t heal.

your halo’s full of fire.

underneath the darkness there's a light that's trying so hard to be seen.

what didn’t kill me never made me stronger.

flames just create us but burns don’t heal like before.

my history has brought me to this place.

i’m teaching myself how to be free.

there’s a silent peace in the tragedies. 

the fervour (5)

you've got a fire inside but your heart's so cold.

i keep a close watch on this heart of mine.

so all that i'm asking is that you handle me with caution.  

we are the sparks that never fade.

i’ll take more love than i’m allowed.

the fighter (2)

i'd rather be spitting blood than have this silence fuck me up.   

now we’re in the ring and we’re coming for blood.

the gregarious (4)

she always knows where the crowd's at. 

cause baby don't wanna be lonely.

that girl is a real crowd pleaser. 

she’s the apple in everybody’s eye.

the halcyon (9)

I'm scared of getting old and you are too.

we'll be the ones to bring all the madness.

So how 'bout tonight we go and run free.

we will carve our place into time and space.

got your hands in the air and you’re feeling alright.

we’ll never be as young as we are right now.

i live my days as if it were my last.

i live my days as if there is no past.

i’m teaching myself how to be free.

the icarian (4)

we'll be the ones to bring all the madness.

bad decisions make for the best memories.

i can't imagine a life without breathless moments.  

we will carve our place into time and space. 

the impecunious (1)

she’s too smart to crave material things.

the impious (4)

and if you get in my face then you'll get a taste ; even God would run. 

i wish i’d been sixteen and burning up a bible. 

i’ve got sinning on my mind, drinking on red wine.

all red dress with the devil eyes.

the insurgent (11)

don't belong to no city ; don't belong to no man. 

now we're coming for the throne ; we did it all alone.

I'm a villain in my city, I just made another killing.

in my city i'm a young God.

leave us alone 'cause we don't need your policies.

can't tune my chords into your songs.

you can count on me to misbehave.

i’m a riot through your borders ; call me bulletproof.

i’ve got sinning on my mind, drinking on red wine.

be a riot cause i know you.

we rattle this town ; we rattle this scene.

the intangible concept (1)

act like you know me but you never will.

the isolato (14)

These days I can't seem to get along with anyone ; get by with anyone. 

I find myself alone when each day is through.

I'm better off when I'm alone.

i would rather be at home all by myself.

i'll be here somewhere in the corner under clouds of marijuana.

excuse me if i seem a little unimpressed with this ; an anti-social pessimist.

i want the world to go away.

i was born to walk alone.

i’m obsessed with silence.

i’ll stick to hell-no’s and headphones.

being and feeling alone was too much to face.

and i never minded being on my own.

there’s nothing more i want except to be alone.

she always seems to be alone but the diamonds make it better.

the lothario (15)

young james dean, some say he looks just like his father.

sad eyes, bad guys ; mouth full of white lies.

you're a rolling stone boy ; never sleep alone boy.

i'm the king of everything and oh, my tongue is a weapon.

if you wanna go to heaven you should fuck me tonight.

tell 'em this boy wasn't meant for lovin'.

tell 'em this heart doesn't stay to one.

in my city i'm a young God.

just because he has a heart doesn't mean he got heart.

you’ll find me in the lonely hearts. 

i break a million hearts just for fun.

but do you feel like a young god?

i wanna be drunk when i wake up ; on the right side of the wrong bed.

woke up by a girl ; i don’t even know her name.

heaven in her mouth ; she’s got one hell of a tongue.

the magnate (16)

viral mess turned dreams into an empire. 

self-made success now she rolls with Rockefellers.

survival of the richest, the city's ours until the fall.

now we're coming for the throne ; we did it all alone.

money is the only thing I'm chasin'.

maybe i've been always destined to end up in this place.

i don't mean to come off selfish, but i want it all.

rags to riches but i'm addicted to being broken.

my mother said don't forget where you come from.

and we'll discuss our big dreams ; how we plan to take over the planet.

we will carve our place into time and space.

i'm just wishing it's ambition that got you your position.  

i’ve put money where my mouth is.

don’t do love ; don’t do friends ; i’m only after success.

me and the money are way too attached to go.

i’ve put my money where my mouth is.

the malingerer (3)

cause who's got any time for growin' up?

take me to the moon where i can sleep till noon.

sitting watching movies ; couch tomatoes. 

the miscreant (12)

mama called me destructive ; said it'd ruin me one day. 

I'm a villain in my city, I just made another killing.

we'll be outlaws ; we'll take on the world.  

they'll never understand the honor among these thieves.  

and if you get in my face then you'll get a taste ; even God would run.

i’m only happy when i’m on the run.

i can hear the sirens.

guilty on the run and i know what i’ve done. 

guilty on the run and i’m never forgiven. 

i’ve got sinning on my mind, drinking on red wine.

america’s most wanted, man, i’m still on the run.

she’s never been afraid of sirens ; head down but keeping driving.

the muse (1)

you're ripped at every edge but you're a masterpiece.

the netizen (1)

maybe the internet raised us or maybe people are jerks.

the old soul (1)

everybody loves to tell me I was born an old soul.

theparacosmist / dreamer (24)

you can't wake up, this is not a dream. 

stuck in her daydream.

i don't mean to come off selfish, but i want it all. 

real life is stranger than my dreams.

i'd rather fuel a fantasy than deal with this alone.

your body is here, but your mind is somewhere else.

and we'll discuss our big dreams ; how we plan to take over the planet.

where the wild things are is a place that exists is our minds.

we will carve our place into time and space.

melodies and memories ; stories that sound absurd.

you're caught between a dream and a movie scene.  

a lack of sanity, losing touch with reality.

i'm sad about shit that never happened.

this dream burns inside of me, and I can't just let it go.

living life like i’m in a dream.

i live my life inside a dream only waking when i sleep.

i’ve been living in the state of dreaming ; living in a make believe land.

chasing a rabbit down a hole. 

dreaming your life away.

i dreamt about you every night this week.

my dreams are my wings.

stuck in her day dream.

teachers teach you not to be a dreamer. 

i’m caught up in the day with my night dreams.

the pastiche (22)

i need time to replace what i gave away.

now i'm left here in the dust with the taste of broken trust.  

as the smile fell from your face, i fell with it.

haunts me tonight ; the ghosts are alive.

never thought the circumstances would have changed you.

this ain't my scene ; this wasn't my dream.  

i send my best regards from hell.

born with a void ; hard to destroy with love or hope.

built with a heart ; broken from the start.

sick of these wounds that won’t heal.

and daddy made a soldier out of me. 

blackjack ; classic vinyl ; tough girl is what i had to be.

your halo’s full of fire.

i’m meaner than my demons.

i’m colder than this home.

it’s the devil that’s trying to hold me down.

what didn’t kill me never made me stronger.

flames just create us but burns don’t heal like before.

she don’t get emotional ; she kill off all her feelings.

my history has brought me to this place.

i’m teaching myself how to be free.

i’m a monster in disguise

the philophobe (5)

puttin’ my defenses up ‘cause I don’t wanna fall in love.

built with a heart ; broken from the start.

she would not show that she was afraid.

you look like you’ve been for breakfast at the heartbreak hotel.

you’ve been scared of love and what it did to you.

the phoenix (18)

don't you want to see a man up close? a phoenix in the fire.

i'm reborn in every moment so who knows what i'll become.  

i'll walk through the fire i'll begin again.

i still have proof in form of scars.

those healing wounds heal twice as hard.

rise from the rubble with your mind.

i won't cover my scars i'll let 'em bleed.  

all the sadness inside me melted away like i was free.

the lower i get the higher i’ll climb. 

i was so much younger yesterday.

through the fire we’re born again.

the sun will rise and we’ll try again.

flames just create us but burns don’t heal like before.

pais is only relevant if it still hurts.

you made my heartbreak and that made me who i am.

my history has brought me to this place.

i live my days as if there is no past.

all the sadness inside me melted away like i was free.

the prosperous (22)

survival of the richest, the city's ours until the fall. 

money is the only thing I'm chasin'.

i don't mean to come off selfish, but i want it all.

i'm addicted to a life that's so empty and so cold.

rags to riches but i'm addicted to being broken.

i'm tempted by kings with the finest of things. 

i'm a marquise diamond ; could even make that tiffany jealous.

my mother said don't forget where you come from.

i'm just wishing it's ambition that got you your position.  

wanted three things: watches, chains and gold rings.

my empire keeps growing cause i am so demand.

primadonna girl ; all i ever wanted was the world.

i’ve put money where my mouth is. 

cause fortune’s running out of my veins.

but money makes your whole world spin. 

i’m so reckless when i rock my givenchy dress.

dollar bill is her only sign.

she always seems to be alone but the diamonds make it better.

i’ve been looking sad in all the nicest places.

i know you love it when the hairpins start to fall.

me and the money are way too attached to go.

i’ve put my money where my mouth is.

the pyromaniac (3)

mama called me destructive ; said it'd ruin me one day. 

now i'm on a roof ; set it on fire.

flames just create us but burns don’t heal like before.

the recluse (2)

my silence won't be mistaken for peace. 

being and feeling alone was too much to face.

the reticent (13)

if you wanna break these walls down, you're gonna get bruised.

my demons are begging me to open up my mouth.

well acquainted with villains that live in my bed.

the pain's inside and nobody frees you from your body.

i'm a show you more than i ever could say.

act like you know me but you never will.

my silence won't be mistaken for peace.

i'm tryna fucking scream but the words won't come out.

keep all your secrets undercover. 

i’m obsessed with silence.

i can’t open up and cry cause i’ve been silent all my life.

i hear the secrets that you keep when you’re talking in your sleep.

it’s hard for me to communicate the thoughts that i hold.

i’m tryna fucking scream but the words won’t come out.

the reveller (10)

i'll be here somewhere in the corner under clouds of marijuana. 

you can count on me to misbehave.

a little party never hurt no one. 

we are the last people standing at the end of the night.

i’ve got sinning on my mind, drinking on red wine.

i’m still drunk off last nights whisky and coke.

i wanna be drunk when i wake up.

stilettos and broken bottles; i’m spinning around in circles. 

another drink just to pass the time.

all i wanna do is get drunk and silent.

the runaway / traveler (21)

and California never felt like home to me.

i'm a wanderess ; i'm a one night stand.

don't belong to no city ; don't belong to no man.

didn't know where I was running to but I won't look back.  

and when it happens i'll be miles away and a few months late.

took a flight at midnight and now my mind can't help but wander.   

runaway now and forevermore. 

maybe i've been always destined to end up in this place.

so how 'bout tonight we go and run free.

and my home has never felt this far.

i'm faded once again ; i don’t know where i am.

run like the devil's behind us ; run to where no one can find us.  

i’m only happy when i’m on the run.

i’m a nomad walking on humming to the same old song. 

guilty on the run and i know what i’ve done. 

guilty on the run and i’m never forgiven. 

it’s time to leave this old black and white town.

let’s seize the day, let’s run away.

london calls me a stranger ; a traveller.

i’m running but i can’t runaway.

she floats above the city lights.

the self destructive (6)

rags to riches but i'm addicted to being broken. 

i'd rather be spitting blood than have this silence fuck me up.   

cause you know that i can't trust myself with my 3AM shadow.

haunts me tonight ; the ghosts are alive. 

your lies are bullets your mouth's a gun.   

i won't cover my scars i'll let 'em bleed.   

the sovereign (26)

get up on your throne ; that’s where you belong. 

i'm headed straight for the castle ; they wanna make me their queen.

selfish, taking what i want and call it mine.

goddamn right, you should be scared of me.   

this time I'm gonna take the crown without falling down.

now we're coming for the throne ; we did it all alone.

in my city i'm a young God.

i don't mean to come off selfish, but i want it all.

ain't you ever seen a princess be a bad bitch?

she always knows where the crowd's at.

my empire keeps growing cause i am so demand.

primadonna girl ; all i ever wanted was the world.

the primadonna life ; the rise and fall.

deception and perfection are wonderful traits.

i wish i’d been a prom queen fighting for the title.

with an angel voice ; devil in disguise.

i wanna be immortal like a god in the sky.

the rise of a king and the fall of a queen.

don’t do love ; don’t do friends ; i’m only after success.

you’re not mean you’re just born to be seen.

but do you feel like a young god?

we could be immortal.

i’ve got sinning on my mind, drinking on red wine.

i’m sitting pretty on the throne.

i wanna be immortal like a god in the sky.

i wanna be a silk flower like i’m never gonna die.

the sycophant (4) 

dollar bill is her only sign.

she’s trying to live a life so fancy.

i’m faking glory.

she’ll network till her dreams come true.

the thespian (6)

you're caught between a dream and a movie scene.  

beauty queen on a silver screen ; living life like i’m in a dream.

living life like i’m in a play ; in the lime light i want to stay.

when the lights dimming down ; i spin around.

i’d rather walk alone than play a supporting role.

she’ll network till her dreams come true.

the urbanite (14)

and i miss my city ; it's been a minute.

in my city i'm a young God.

she was young and all she had was the city.  

i can feel our young blood race through cityscapes.

i knew that the lights of the city were too heavy for me.

this city never sleeps.

and if the city never sleeps; that makes two.

with the sound of the city life echoed in my head.

i’m from a city where the rain won’t cease.

i can’t help but see how this dark city changed me.

catch me rolling through the city.

we live in cities you’ll never see on screen.

she floats above the city lights.

and every skyline was like a kiss upon the lips.

the utopian (4)

she wants somebody to love ; to hold her. 

she wants somebody to love in the right way.  

tell me how to fall in love the way you want me to.

somebody tell me what’s better than love.

the vainglorious (3)

i don't mean to come off selfish, but i want it all. 

she always knows where the crowd's at.

i know i’ve got a big ego ; i really don’t know why it’s such a big deal.

the vindictive (21)

you've got a fire inside but your heart's so cold. 

goddamn right, you should be scared of me.  

well acquainted with villains that live in my bed.

mama called me destructive ; said it'd ruin me one day.

now we're coming for the throne ; we did it all alone.

maybe i've been always destined to end up in this place.

cause you know that i can't trust myself with my 3AM shadow.

i'm afraid of nothing, i'm afraid of no one.

haunts me tonight ; the ghosts are alive.

never thought the circumstances would have changed you.

your lies are bullets your mouth's a gun.  

i won't cover my scars i'll let 'em bleed.  

seeing the pain inside in this house of fear.

back with a vengeance, back with a song.

everyone can start again ; not through love but through revenge. 

peace by vengeance brings the end.

your halo’s full of fire.

i’ve got sinning on my mind, drinking on red wine.

now we’re in the ring and we’re coming for blood.

i’m a monster in disguise

passing judgement on the way she’s stuck her knife in so many backs.

the vixen (13)

now my mascara runnin', red lipstick smudged. 

i'm tempted by kings with the finest of things.

i'm afraid of nothing, i'm afraid of no one.

ain't you ever seen a princess be a bad bitch?

your lies are bullets your mouth's a gun.  

she puts her mouth round the cigarette.

you can count on me to misbehave.

with an angel voice ; devil in disguise.

six inch heels ; she walked in the club like nobody’s business.

she murdered everybody and i was her witness.

blackjack ; classic vinyl ; tough girl is what i had to be.

i’ve got sinning on my mind, drinking on red wine.

all red dress with the devil eyes.

[cas-is-my-hero-blog1]

The Brother No One Knew

Chapter 2:Twins?

⚠ mentions of violence and abuse⚠

*Jon’s POV *

That night night was fun we told stories. Had fun partying and eating. Dean and Phil did almost come to blows a few times. Me and the guys call Phil Monkey. Cause of the cute ways he moves on stage. Monkey I know didn’t mean to piss Dean off. He just didn’t believe in the supernatural.

Something Dean said earlier got me thinkig. He said there was a guy that looked like him. Now his farther did mention that Dean had a twin. But the poor little soul died at birth. He told me how hard it was to talk about. So there’s no wonder he never told Dean. But what if he didn’t die. What if that other guy is Dean’s twin.

I got up the next morning and started to make breakfast. I made pancakes sausage eggs and bacon. I put on a pot of coffee. The smell must have woke Dean up. He came in the kitchen rubbing his eyes.

“Morning Dean did you sleep well? ” I asked still think inking about that guy.

“Eh not too bad thanks man for putting up with me.” Dean said smiling.

“Bro your family so it’s not hard. Dean I have something to tell you. Your dad told me something awhile back when we met. I doubt he told you but you have to know.” I said looking concerned.

“What’s that Jon please tell me?” Dean said looking at me his big Green eyes shining with curiosity.

“He told me you had a twin brother. But he died at birth so he never really talks about it. It was to hard on him.” I said as I started to cry a little.

“Wow so I had a twin. Wait that guy I saw today. It sounds strange but what if he’s my twin?” Dean asked looking puzzled.

“That’s what I was thinking too. Say why don’t you call Sam. Let him know you’re ok and we will all go and visit.” I said smiling a little.

“Sounds great man I’ll call him.” Dean said as he walked into my living room and picked up the phone.

*Back at the hotel Sam’s POV*

It was so adorable watching Cas and Max cuddling like brothers. Both hugging each other. I decided to call room service and order us all biscuits and gravy. Letting them sleep till the food came. Right after I called room service. My phone rung I answered it. It was Dean.

He told me he was ok. I told him what hotel we were at. He said he’ll meet us there later today. Said he had something to tell us. I was so relieved he was ok.

Cas was the frist one to wake up. He gently set up so he wouldn’t wake Max.

“Morning sleepy head. Dean just called. He said he’s ok he’ll met us here later. Said he had news for us. I ordered us breakfast.” I said smiling at Cas.

“I’m so glad that Dean is ok. I wish later was now though. I can’t get over how much Max looks like Dean.” Cas said staring at Max.

“I know what you mean. My goodness they look like twins. In a way I’m glad we found him. Something tells me he’s had a pretty rough life.” I said watching Max sleep.

“I know what you mean. But he has us now to protect him. He’s family no matter what.” Cas said softly.

“Yes Cas he is family. I’m sure Dean will think of him as family too.” I said as room service arrived.

I gently shook Max awake. He jumped high and shook at frist. But after he saw it was me he calmed down.

“Sorry I jumped man. Usually when I’m woke up by someone. Something bad happens shortly after.” Max said still shaking a little.

“Hey its cool man. I understand but here you don’t have to be scared. We would never hurt you on purpose. Why don’t you eat and drink some coffee with us?” I asked smiling at Mark trying to calm him down a little.

“I am hungry man. I love coffee too with some cream and sugar please. Thank you so much.” He said smiling a little.

I fixed him a cup of coffee with cream and sugar. I got his plate of biscuits and gravy. I set his food and coffee beside him. He sipped his coffee slowly. As he started to eat he moved far away from Cas. Like he was afraid he’d take his food or put something in it.

“Are you afraid I’ll do something to you Max?“Cas asked softly trying to ease the tension.

*Max’s POV *

When Cas asked me that I felt bad. I hated the way I was acting. I knew they were good people. But because of how I grew up. It was hard to change.

“Well honestly guys when it comes to food. I get nervous my dad some times would beat me up and steal my food. Other times he’d put things in it. Um I don’t mean to seem rude.” I said as I started to cry a little.

“Hey its alright man. We’d never do anything to hurt you on purpose. Max you are our family. That means where always are here for you."Cas said as he flashed me a warm smile.

I smiled at him and moved back beside of him. I wasn’t for sure if I should let my guard down. But I felt safe with them.

We spent most of that morning talking about Dean. I had quite a few things in common with him. He loves classic rock as do I. He loves pie and I love pie. We both enjoy a nice cold beer. I also found out that Sam and Dean are hunters. Not of animals but of supernatural things. I never came in contact with the supernatural. But I believed in it. Dean showed up around noon. All I could do was stare at at him.

*Dean’s POV *

When Jon Richie Teek Joker Monkey and I got in to he room. Frist thing I did was hug Cas and Sam. Then I looked at Max.

"Guys Jon and I talked and I found out a few things. Sam our dad saved these guys. He saved fucking Bon Jovi man. How cool is that. Also Dad told Jon that I had a twin. Seems dad didn’t talk much about it. Because he died at birth.” I said looking at Sam.

“Wait what if your brother didn’t die at birth. What if Max here is our brother ?” Sam said looking at Max.

“Sam I wouldn’t rule it out. Why don’t we all just go hang out today. Tommrow we can do some research on my birth, Sammy.” I said looking at Sam and Max.

“Yea guys come over to my house. You guys can even crash there for tonight. We’ll even help you guys with research. I mean it’s the least we can do. After your dad saved our asses.” Jon said Smiling as he looked at us.

We all agreed and went over to Jon’s house. We all talked laughed and had a great time. The more I got to know Max. The more I prayed he was my twin. Just hoping some how the hospital made a mistake. I could tell he needed us. That he needed a good family.

________A/N____________________________

Ok end of chapter 2. Please like comet let me know what you think. Also tell me if you want tagged. What do you think of Max?

@such-a-common-girl @chandlerhuggs

@the-witching-hours12-3

[bright-secrets-blog]

Lux & Talon >>.

ULTIMATE SHIP MEME!

Send in two (or more) names and I’ll fill all this out about the ship!

General:

Rate the Ship -  Awful | Ew | No pics pls | I’m not comfortable | Alright | I like it! | Got Pics? | Let’s do it! | Why is this not getting more attention?! | The OTP to rule all other OTPs

How long will they last? - It depends, in actual canon I don’t think they would function very well. It also depends on the situation that draws them together. I’ve read some pretty convincing fanfictions, granted they were stupidly cheesy.

How quickly did/will they fall in love? - Lux and Talon fell in love on accident, as with any Noxian I ship Lux with other than Kat. Lux was probably spying or stealing something and Talon interrogated her out it. She somehow gets away and evades him and for a while, it’s a chase like that. Talon hunting Lux down on the orders of his commander/higher up. He catches her one day and rather than killing her he returns to Noxus stating he has lost her trail.

How was their first kiss? - Rushed and never talked about. I like to think that at some point there will be diplomatic attempts by Lux and the Radiant Ones towards Noxus. She would go to Noxus and attempt to show them a spark of strength in even a small girl. Talon recognizes her and corners her, demanding answers for why she steals then returns to Noxus as a diplomat, hypocritical. Frustration rises and so do voices so he silences her with a kiss. At this point, Lux has probably had at least a little experience kissing and tries to beat him at his own game.

Wedding:

Who proposed? - Talon

Who is the best man/men? - 

Who is the braid’s maid(s)? - 

Who did the most planning? - Lux, of course, Lux

Who stressed the most? - Talon

How fancy was the ceremony? - Back of a pickup truck | 2 | 3 | 4 | Normal Church Wedding | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Kate and William wish they were this big.

Who was specifically not invited to the wedding? - Targon

Sex:

Who is on top? - Talon

Who is the one to instigate things? - They both do it equally. I don’t see Talon as a hypersexual man or Lux as being constantly hypersexual. They both get month long horny sprees though

How healthy is their sex life? - Barely touch themselves let alone each other | 2 | 3 | 4 | Once a couple weeks, nothing overboard | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | They are humping each other on the couch right now

How kinky are they? - Lux likes collars and to be bitten, Talon totally abuses the power she gives him.Straight missionary with the lights off | 2 | 3 | 4 | Might try some butt stuff and toys | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Don’t go into the sex dungeon without a horse’s head

How long do they normally last? - When they are really going for it, it’s an all night event.

Do they make sure each person gets an equal amount of orgasms? - Talon gets 4 and Lux gets 3.

How rough are they in bed? - Softer than a butterfly on the back of a bunny | 2 | 3 | 4 | The bed’s shaking and squeaking every time | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Their dirty talk is so vulgar it’d make Dwayne Johnson blush. Also, the wall’s so weak it could collapse the next time they do it.

How much cuddling/snuggling do they do? - No touching after sex | 2 | 3 | 4 | A little spooning at night, or on the couch, but not in public | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | They snuggle and kiss more often than a teen couple on their fifth date to a pillow factory.

Children:

How many children will they have naturally? - One, Lux sustains magical damage and ends up infertile.

How many children will they adopt? - None

Who gets stuck with the most diapers? - Lux

Who is the stricter parent? - Lux

Who stops the kid(s) from doing dangerous stunts after school? - Lux

Who remembers to pack the lunch(es)? - Lux

Who is the more loved parent? - Talon

Who is more likely to attend the PTA meetings? - Talon

Who cried the most at graduation? - Lux

Who is more likely to bail the child(ren) out of trouble with the law? - Talon

Cooking:

Who does the most cooking? - Talon

Who is the most picky in their food choice? - Lux

Who does the grocery shopping? - Lux

How often do they bake desserts? - Lux

Are they more of a meat lover or a salad eater? - Meat family!

Who is more likely to surprise the other(s) with an anniversary dinner? - Lux dies every time he does it. (He does the whole perfect dinner with candles and everything. Every. Single. Anniversary. And it still makes her melt.)

Who is more likely to suggest going out? - Lux

Who is more likely to burn the house down accidently while cooking? - Lux

Chores:

Who cleans the room? - Talon

Who is really against chores? - Lux

Who cleans up after the pets? - No pets

Who is more likely to sweep everything under the rug? - Lux

Who stresses the most when guests are coming over? - Talon

Who found a dollar between the couch cushions while cleaning? - Lux

Misc:

Who takes the longer showers/baths? - Lux

Who takes the dog out for a walk? - No pets

How often do they decorate the room/house for the holidays? - Lux, oh my god Lux loves the holidays.

What are their goals for the relationship? - They are bumbling through it like fools, praying to god that they don’t mess up.

Who is most likely to sleep till noon? - Talon, Lux is a morning person.

Who plays the most pranks? - Lux, sneaky little light mage.

(OK SO TALON/LUX IS MY SECOND LEAGUE OTP! RIGHT UNDER DARIUS/LUX)