#pre standford era

[coca-colas-truck-driver]

its a vastly different feeling from how he felt eyeing pretty women at bars than when he lost just enough self control to let himself check out sam (probably some time in the summer before he left for Stanford, the knowledge that he’ll be even more alone than he already is settling in); whose bent over a pool table trying to hassle money from an old southern guy with more bald spots than patches of hair at this point, while dean got them another round.

dads on a hunt across a different state line, with less words than usual before he left; just a gruff repeat of practically the only words he and dean exchange anymore, “take care of sammy for me”.

for the last however many years deans been pining for, he never let himself consciously check out sam. hes almost regretful of that when his eyes catch on sams ass, hes eternally grateful no one knows them here, has no idea they’re related, when sam turns around and almost immediately meets his eyes with a smile and wave. he barely even notices the old guy walk away from the pool table with twenty less dollars in his pocket, when he approaches instead with two of the cheapest beers the bar had in hand.

and hes never been stupid or blind, he can see how others also look at sammy-watching him with such interest, its disgusting-so he trails a wandering hand across sams waist then his back as he walks past. its not bold enough to draw suspicion from sam himself, but makes the women who were peeking glances at either of them, sigh and look away, resigned

he feels a little petty, but mostly proud of himself for successfully warding off interested onlookers.

[damndeaniel]

my favorite line in like any fiction remains to be “far be it from me to keep the flower of you from flourishing,” just Imagine this being uttered right before sam goes to standford… id die

[moonstarsunearth]

Tashi's discourse about her tennis coaching is so silly to me. Challengers was inspired by the fact that pre-2020, tennis players couldn't talk or being coached at all by their coaches,so in the end of the day even in Art was receiving Tashi's coaching, he was alone on the court and the one taking decisions about his game. Now imagine if the movie was like now where coaches are allowed to coach during matches and you have players winning grand slams asking their coachs in some way what to do when they don't know,asking where to stand or how to play a point. Nobody say these coaches are controlling their players ,they are doing the job they were hired for. The most common take I see is " Tashi chose Art because she could tell her what to do without him confronting her,she controlled him and manipulated his game". Confront her for what ? Why a coach would want to work with a player that is confronting all their decisions and don't want to listen to them? Is the movie showing that she is forcing Art to do things that aren't right and he didn't want to do at all on the court?

If Art listens to her is more related that her advices are right,he trusted her,and she is brilliant tennis player and coach than just because he is a lapdog in love with her. The prove that they did an excellent job as a team is there, 6 grand slams in just six years in one the most difficult and competitive tennis' eras.

Even if you think that she had no right in telling Patrick about his game,she was right in what she told him,she said facts,"you could’ve won, but then you started tanking in the third set" and"You always think you’ve won before the match is over",what is true he was used to always win,being the best than when he was faced with adversity,he didn't change or adapt,just expected things to solve themselves or commited self-sabotage,so if he is where he is ,is because it was on "his own terms". And for me is so unserious, Tashi was watching his boyfriend's matches,she cared about him and his career ,she was watching him LOSE ALL HIS CHALLENGERS, is listening to him all the time on phone complaining about losing but she couldn't tell him anything about his game? Even if you believe she should'nt ,that I see people reducing all the time that fight to just Tashi trying to "control and manipulate Patrick's game but he wasn't a lapdog, he was completely right and so good he humbled her". And forgetting how he also mocked her duncanator nickname or devaluated her achievements in Standford.

Like yeah may be Tashi likes control,but what about if she is winner that wanted to date a winner that although is losing is trying at least to become better and not being lazy when Tashi is all the contrary? Did she have not the right to want that, as Patrick not wanting a girlfriend talking about tennis or his games? But then people used that fight to project Tashi as this extreme controllative coach and villainize her,when the movie isnt really showing that. If she is so controllative and bad why Patrick would be asking for her help and coaching after more than a decade?

[girlasterisk]

if i think about sam’s life for too long i get sad

[shittyvalentinecas]

I'm a Dean girl in the way that all the fics I read have to be Dean-centric. But I'm not interested if Sam is not heavily featured.

[schrijverr]

One side of the story

Deans side

This is a companion piece to Sams side. Here Dean is bleeding out and probably dying by the looks of it, so he calls the only one he’s certain will pick up, even if it’s been more than a year. He didn’t want to be saved, he just wanted to hear Sammys voice once more.

On AO3.

Ships: none

Warnings: low self esteem and suicidal thoughts

~~~~~~~~~~~

Dean was bleeding in a dumpster, he knew it was bad, it might even be the end, but he didn’t really care. He was scrolling through his phone, knowing he should call someone. Bobby was closest, but Bobby would tell dad, just like other hunters he knew, so that wasn’t an option. Dad had trusted him for this job and Dean would do it, no fuck ups.

He stopped when he saw a familiar name, a name he had thought about everyday, but never called. If he didn’t want dad to know this was his only option. He took a breath and called, hoping Sam would pick up.

A familiar voice rang through the phone and all Dean could say was: “Hey, Sammy.”

“Jup, it’s me, just checking if you’re alright.”

“It could be. How would you know that?”

“Okay, okay, whatever Samantha. I’m very drunk. You happy?”

Of course Sam didn’t believe him. He could let Sam hang up and never bother him again that’s probably what he wants. But at that moment the pain got worse and he decided to fess up: “I’m, well, I was hunting a chupacabra.”

“Don’t sound so surprised, I’m an adult now, asshole.”

“Yeah, a bit.” Dean groaned and chuckled: “Apparently they like to fly.”

“With the way I’m looking now, sure. It’s not like anyone is there to miss me too much.” Oh no, that wasn’t what Dean had wanted to say, he wanted to laugh it off. Dean? Hurt? Never.

“No, dude. I’m wanted here, for many things, I don’t want to wake up in the hospital cuffed.” Dean knew it was a lousy excuse, but he really couldn’t get up and he didn’t want to when he thought about it.

“I don’t wanna, Sammy. I hate hospitals.” That was the truth, at least.

“I’m a bit delirious, blood loss and all that. What if I crash Baby on my ride to the hospital, that would be bad, right?”

Sam wasn’t concerned about his beloved car,  rude.

“But, ugh” Dean wanted to say something, defend his choice not to go to the hospital, but the pain wave that hit stopped him in his tracks.

“Why do you want to know? It’s not really that bad, just a hiccup that was, no worries.”

Dean hesitated, but when he saw the pool of blood he was surrounded by at this point he decided that Sam deserved the truth. “About a nine on a Winchester scale.”

And Sam freaked, great. He just wanted to hear his voice one more time, but now he had to be saved.

“Uh, I did that. You are closest, right now. Yeah...”

“Well, I think Bobby is working a case nearby, but I don’t want to bother him right now. He’s got more important things to worry about, and” Dean chuckled some more, “He probably thinks I’m a fuck up anyway, this will just prove that. I don’t want that.”

Sam got mad about that even brought up dad, which had Dean roll his eyes and he angrily spat: “Really? I’m fucking dying and you still continue your fucking pissing contest with dad, after god knows how many years!”

“No, that’s final. I’m bleeding to death here. This is the end, going out fighting the good fight. If you see anyone I know tell them bye from me.” that had already been his plan, but now he could blame Sam for it, screw him and screw dad.

“You can’t be serious Sam. You still gotta get use out of that fancy diploma. Let it go.” Why was Sammy like this, Dean didn’t need, no didn’t deserve, to be saved.

“Pff, like you could. You deleted everybody's information. Good luck reaching Bobby when he’s not home, but with some random phone.”

Deans eyes got big. Sam coming back, for him? That, that was fucking great. He wanted to yell, but a sudden thought stopped that. Sam would say anything to get him too live. He softly whispered: “You promise?”

He didn’t really have the energy to try and find Sams tells, he just had to believe his baby brother for now.

“I’ll call now… Bitch”

A familiar answer and chuckle was all Dean could manage. Then Sam hung the phone and Dean gathered his strength for another call. Later he would find out Sam didn’t want to see dad, he did care and he didn’t want to go back. He would pretend not to be hurt by it, but for now that was in the future, nothing to worry about now.

From the phone came: “This is 9-1-1, what is you emergency?”

[dirtydancingdean]

✨ fic recs ✨

ok so back in like 2014 i watched supernatural for a solid 3 years until they killed kevin and charlie and i got bored of the bmol storyline. now im here again let’s not talk about it. BUT during this time i accumulated a Lot of fic and in the past two months i’ve gone through all 213 of my bookmarks and gone through like every rec list made after s12 in order to read fic set during every specific season while i rewatch the show. because im insane <3 im on s8 rn and wanted to share my list of favourites from each season so far as well as my favourite aus ! they’re all generally nsfw so minors be careful, and also check the warnings ! and i will update this when i finish s15 <3

aus

asunder by rageprufrock (23.8k, e, background samruby)

obviously the most perfect thing to ever exist. 

and this, your living kiss by opal_bullets (56k, m, background saileen)

poet dean fic need i say more. part dean studies if dean studies was elaborated on lovingly in detail for 56k words, part gorgeous and beautiful poetry, part incredibly clever commentary on meta and fan allusions, and part stunning exploration of the relationships in the show turned on their heads.  

one white little lie by komodobits (11k, gen)

this is SOOO cute. cas is so embarrassing i was covering my face the entire time i was reading it. if u want to be cheered up. read this. 

broadway musical by griftings (12k, m)

this is genuinely sooo funny. big “castiel did you fuck the michael sword” energy and jimmy novak as that “am not against gays” tweet, plus jo <3

c-s-t-l by komodobits (90k, m)

i haven't read this in a while but from what i remember it was incredible and also had cassie <3 

rest is under the cut because it got long fhjfkfklf

pre-series/season 1-3*

a turn of the earth by microcomets (time travel, 95k, standford era, m)

i think everyone’s read this at this point but if u haven't. what are u doing. go read it. it’s absolutely everything i reread it in the week before the finale without remembering half of the stuff it talked about and i was a WRECK. if u think about standford era dean every day read this. cas punches john winchester in the FACE. 

geography by aeli_kindara (3k, teen and up, warnings for discussion of rape/non-con and prostitution)

not dean/cas but a really wonderful and needed conversation with sam and dean during 2x02.

season 4

so says the sword by komodobits (85k, e)

yeah. i dont need to say anything.  

consequences of falling by fayjay (37k, e, background samruby, warnings for rape/non-con)

THISSSS FIC. pls it’s perfect literally everything i wanted when i was watching s4 and obsessed with love as an act of worship + ruby and cas parallels. ruby and cas get drunk together! ruby says this: “dean and castiel sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes love, then comes the fall from grace, then comes battling the hosts of hell and wishing that you’d managed to get your skinny ass laid before the freaking apocalypse”! what more could u want!

named by rc_machlan (94k, m)

literally the best fic in the world i am not going to say Anything if you love dean and angels and the mythology of s4-s5 that was promptly dropped, you absolutely have to read this.

four people ruby seduced & one she actually fell for (or: ruby's epic love affair with humanity in general and sam in specific) by tuesday (3.7k, e, samruby, ruby/jo)

this is more background deancas than anything else and does contain brief, not romantic in any way dean/ruby and dean/cas, but like. if u love ruby (which i do) u have to read this.

season 5

final fantasy by orange_crushed (1.9k, m)

endverse.....this made me want to die

the (mostly accidental) courtship of dean winchester by tuesday (11k, m)

a classic for a reason. really cute and soft and the handprint and cas beating dean up in 5x18 are angelic marriage rites. what more could you ask for.

the girlfriend experience by rageprufrock (15k, explicit)

of Course i mean of COURSE. thee s5 deancas fic.

strike me down and i’ll come back more powerful than you can possibly imagine by trinityofone (10k, gen)

post 5x22 dean and cas rescue sam from hell with the help of some special guests. PERFECT. the only valid good omens crossover.

season 6**

something stupid by zatnikatel (20k, e)

this broke my heart and put it back together. one of my favourite cas characterizations, takes place over s5-s6 and it’s just stunning. 

a crash course in someone else’s history by annie d (11k, teen and up)

s4 cas ends up in the body of cas in 6x20. fucking life-ruining.

season 7

make known by domesticadventures (16k, teen and up)

this is a really heartbreaking look at dean’s headspace near the end of s6 and throughout s7, and it’s really wonderful with a hopeful ending.

redemption road by a whole bunch of people (652k, virtual season, explicit)

oh boy. ok. know ur herstory ! this was written from 2011 to 2012 and it is thee s7 fic, a virtual season written by 17 fans all together. it’s very very long and it suffers sometimes from having being written a decade ago, but im making my way through it right now and it still fucking holds up. i really do recommend reading at least some of it, you can stop around halfway through and you should be fine.

season 8***

rinse, repeat by ias (3k, teen and up)

exploration of cas when naomi forces him to kill copies of dean and then his perspective in goodbye stranger.

my keeper by whelvenwings (5k, gen)

another goodbye stranger fic, this time with bonus artist cas!

though the course may change by imogenbynight (51k, e)

au after 8x23. i love this fic so much. dean accidentally ends up making himself have to go undercover with cas and pretend to be fake engaged. also, charlie and kevin. do i need to say more.

apres by imogenbynight (24k, e)

au after 8x23 where dean goes to find cas after the angels fall in paris 🥺

*i have found exactly one bela fic that i loved, and zero henriksen fics that i loved, so IF u have recs for those. i would appreciate that.

**mostly the s6 fics i read were uh...vampire dean fics...

***have found one (1) good dean/aaron fic but im still searching for the perfect purgatory crew fics 

[ruinedsam]

Your deaged dean made me think of younger dean showing up but with both older s & d there, except somehow he finds out how much his treatment of Sam has changed and loses it. Cue young dean dragging Sam away from himself and coddling him/acting like a guard dog around older d, while trying not to strangle his older self who must be evil because he’d never mistreat sam this way. How dare this asshole hurt his baby (older)brother.

I love this so much!! <3 I love the doppelganger trope and I live for people fighting about Sam, so this is simply perfect! 👀💗

Imo pre hell and post hell Dean are already fundamentally different, especially in the way they see and treat Sam, but standford era!Dean and late season!Dean are truly different animals and like you said, young!Dean would be absolutely horrified that this man is him.

At this point Sam and Dean's relationship is probably the closest it has ever been to healthy, with the codependency and the enmenshment still to come - Dean might be resentful that Sam has a life of his own, but he has accepted it and doesn't think Sam owes it to him. This Dean couldn't even conceptualize tricking his baby brother into getting possessed just to keep him, and would see it as a betrayal to not only Sam but John as well, because working with a supernatural entity is very much the opposite of the values John instilled in him. This Dean would want to beat the other Dean to a pulp if he knew how he treated Sam after he came back from purgatory. This Dean would want to murder his older self for throwing away the Samulet just to hurt Sam.

But even if he knew nothing about all of this, the second he'd see one of Dean's angry outbursts with Sam quieting down and flinching, he'd drag Sam away and start to baby him.

(Of course older Dean would not let this happen and they would fight and all of this would be horrible for Sam, because no matter what he did or said, he'd feel like he was betraying Dean.)

[cyborgnachte]

Society in Sundered Space

January 1st 30xx, 87 years after Phage Occupation War. 62 years after Operation Asimov.

The Sol Consortium’s solar system-spanning society has finally started to thrive in the post-war boom economy. Infrastructure has nearly finished its rapid rebuild thanks to the leaps in energy, construction, and travel technology brought on by the war. Colonies find supply chains returning after years or even decades of struggling self-survival. Humanity is recovering—flourishing, but in the haste to recover corners have been cut and morals have been set aside. Humanity owes its survival to the Big Four, but in that desperation to persevere has humanity sacrificed to much too the machine of capitalism?

Corporations prop up the post-war government, filling its positions with executives and CEOs. Mega-Conglomerates run the media and fund the military. Humanity survives because capitalism needs a consumer base.

The Heart Worlds.

Earth and her brother Mars are called the Heart Worlds of the Consortium. Life on these worlds is cutting edge and comfortable. The first places in Sol to recover in the post war era, they’ve flourished from resources poured in from the outer system. With only 30% of humanity on Mars and 20% percent on Earth, these two worlds have become almost paradise like.

Wartime mass exodus combined with post-war immigration restrictions has left Earth as a wealthy corporate protectorate reserved almost exclusively for the upper middle class or higher. Much of the planet has crumbled back into the wilderness with only pockets of cutting edge cities dotting key locations, rebuilt in the aftermath of the war.

Mars expands daily, its people and governing council of construction corporations characterized by their love of industry and growth. The planet is nearly 40% terraformed and there is an ongoing citizenry program open to any aspiring frontiersmen or women.

The Reclaimed Worlds

Venus, Saturn, Neptune and Uranus are considered reclaimed worlds in Sol. In the pre-war era the Sol Federation was said to extend even past Pluto, but during the Phage Invasion large chunks of human knowledge about the true edges of humanity have been lost. The Consortium is still rediscovering lost or dead colonies and outposts near the dangerous Kuiper Belt Perimeter.

Much of the populations of these Reclaimed worlds exist on moon colonies or asteroid outposts. Life in these places has been extremely rugged and even deadly for the last century. Many have only recently reestablished regular and trusted supply chains or contact with the heart worlds. Many empty husks, struck down by the Phage Invasion itself or the slow starvation of destroyed shipping and supply lines around Sol during the war.

If a Reclaimed World community isn’t an established military base outpost but instead perhaps a left over supply chain stop, they are often harsh and a touch lawless. The only Astral Section enforcement being drones or the rare patrolling Dispatcher and Enforcer pair there to mediate disputes or enforce rules.

The LaGrange Colonies

The first hope for humanity turned last bastion of survival. The LaGrange colonies make up 40% of humanity in the Sol Consortium. Each LaGrange point hosts a large cluster of space colonies within equilibrium with Earth’s Orbit. Humanities oldest forays into space, these colonies range from ancient derelict Bernal Spheres so over built and under maintained that only the poorest of worker or richest of criminal remains on them, to beautiful post-war era Standford Torus rings full of lush vegetation and bread belt like farming.

Corporate Manufactories

Born during the war-effort and preserved through the necessity of post-war survival, Corporate Manufactories are massive ‘Company Towns’ created at various resource rich locations within the Sol Consortium. These manufactories exist entirely as closed societies where you are an employee to the corporation first and a human only as an after thought. All manpower rigidly regulated and controlled, often stripped of names or personal identity beyond job and skills.

These company assets are fed, clothed, and lodged and allowed to exist in a world where they need not think, act, or worry for themselves, so long as they continue to preform as expected at the tasks assigned. Corporate manufactories are responsible for almost all refineries, smelteries, gas giant farming, and large outfit ore mining. Manufactories are a respected, well regulated, and seen as a backbone to the survival of the Sol Consortium as far as Government interest is concerned.

Public opinion ranges from jealousy to pity and everything between for the ‘company assets’ that work inside these manufactories.

[trekkiehood]

Spiked Drink - SPN Fanfic

@febuwhump : Day 12 - Spiked Drink

Title: Spiked Drink

Fandom: Supernatural

Words: 1.3k

Setting: Pre-Series/Standford Era Brotherhood AU

Whumpee: Dean

Caretaker: Caleb

Ship: None

Ao3 Link

Summary: Dean and Caleb are at a bar when someone slips something in Dean's drink.

Trigger Warnings: Spike Drink, Attempted Non-Con, Implied Abuse

Authors Note:

Dean is 23 Sammy is 19 Caleb is 30

This one is really short but I also really like it. Don't have any plans for more at the moment but hey.

I really have no excuse for posting this late. Please enjoy!

---

The bar was loud and grubby and exactly what Dean needed. It had been a stressful day, really a week, if he was being honest a year. Just put it down as a stressful life.

Dean hadn't seen his dad in almost two months and he hated that it didn't bother him more. At this point it was almost a relief. He knew his dad was doing his best. Things were hard with Sammy leaving and whatever secret project the man was working on. But he didn't know that he could deal with the abuse - no not abuse that made it sound worse than it actually was. Sure Dad threw some punches and said some harsh things but he had just, for all intents and purposes, lost a son. Other people had it worse. Regardless, he didn't know how much more he could take. He could give his father all the grace in the world, he could even think he deserved it, but he was breaking down fast and without Sam there…

He really wasn't mad that his dad had decided to split off.

"What's going on in that freaky head of yours." Caleb nudged him with his elbow. Dean answered with a glare. "Hey if I was reading I wouldn't be asking."

"Yeah your morals are too high for that." He rolled his eyes, taking another sip of beer.

"Seriously man, you've been quiet all day. What gives?"

"Maybe it's the company." Dean said with a smirk.

Caleb raised his hands in mock offense. "Hey, you invited me here. I was perfectly happy in my boring office meeting."

"Oh yes, what are you building this time? A nursing home? Exciting."

"Nursing homes have to be built by someone! Why not someone with my expertise!"

Dean offered another eyeroll. "You deserve to be in one if you aren't noticing the way that girl is looking at you."

"Pshh, you think I didn't notice? She couldn't make it more obvious."

"And yet you're sitting here talking about nursing homes."

"She's got a friend with her, y'know."

Dean gave a small smile at the offer, "Really not in the mood, dude. You go though."

"You sure?"

"Stop being such a girl or she's gonna change her mind."

He patted Dean on the back as he stood, "Don't wait up, Deuce."

Caleb sauntered towards the two giggling women and Dean returned to his drink and his thoughts. Caleb had been clingy, but trying not to show it. He was worried and honestly it was a valid concern. Didn't mean Dean had to like it.

"Hey there, handsome." Dean was brought back to the present and saw a woman sliding next to him. She was pretty, he wouldn't deny that, but he really wasn't in the mood for company.

"Can I help you?" and okay yeah that wasn't his best comeback.

"No, but I think I can help you." She smiled, putting her hand on his knee.

Dean gently grabbed her wrist and moved it off. "Not tonight, lady."

"You don't know what you're missing."

"Sweetheart, what I'm missing is my peace and quiet."

"I promise I'll make it worth your while."

"And I promise I'm not interested."

"Fine." She snapped, the faux sweetness reverting into a dark coldness. "But you'll regret this."

"Trust me I'm used to regret. I'll learn to live with it." He took a sip of his beer as she turned and stalked away.

He really was too tired for this. The dark thoughts returned, mixing with his drink and making the perfect brooding session. It was about fifteen minutes later that he started to notice something wasn't right. He felt… drunk, tipsy at least. But he hadn't even had one full beer yet. It shouldn't even be starting to affect him. The world didn't feel quite right. Spacey was the word that came to mind. Like when he was concussed or hungover.

Dean waited another ten minutes before he decided something was definitely wrong. He went to stand and felt the ground shift under him. He cursed under his breath, bringing a hand to his head. Caleb was across the room and there was no way he was going to make it all the way over there. Not without making a scene at least. He closed his eyes trying to get the world to stop spinning.

Breathing hard through his nose, he held onto the chair, the only thing keeping him upright. His muscles felt relaxed and yet every warning bell was going off in his head. Was he sick? If so the symptoms had come on very quickly. It wasn't the alcohol, he hadn't had enough to even have an effect unless… he'd been drugged.

No one had even been over here except Caleb and… that woman. She'd slipped something in his drink.

"You alright there, sunshine?"

Speak of the devil.

"Get away from me." He forced out through clenched teeth, fighting the nausea.

She ran a hand up his arm. "Don't fight it. Just go with it."

He jerked his arm away and nearly landed on the floor.

"Stop being so stubborn." There was a pout in her voice, like the fact that he was resisting being drugged was a personal offense against her beauty. Or just some game he was playing.

Dean wondered momentarily if it would be worth it to call out to Caleb. Embarrassing? Yes. Worth it? Possibly.

His eyes were once again closed and he swayed slightly on his feet. He'd probably be incredibly relaxed if he just gave in to whatever was coursing through his system but he couldn't. He knew better than that.

A hand touched his shoulder and tensed, but he knew better than to make a move to dislodge it. That would most certainly end with him on the floor.

"Is everything okay here?"

And Dean could have cried at the voice.

"I think he had too much to drink." Came the giggly reply. "I was going to help him out."

The disbelief in Caleb's voice was somehow a relief. "Really?"

"She slipped something in my drink." Dean grunted, feeling his grip on reality fading quickly. "Get her off of me." He added, noting that she had one hand on his shoulder and one on his back.

Dean wasn't exactly sure what happened after that. Sound cut in and out but there were hissed words and maybe some shouting. Then his legs gave out.

Hands were on him and Dean's first instinct was to fight but he just didn't have the strength. In truth he wasn't sure if he could move on his own.

"Easy, I've got you."

"Damien?" It came out slurred and barely audible.

"Yeah, it's me. Let's get you out of here, yeah?"

Dean hummed in agreement.

"Try to stay on your feet but put most of your weight on me." Caleb ordered quietly, pulling Dean up and wrapping the younger man's arm around his neck.

Dean attempted to do what he was told but couldn't be sure how successful he was. A hand moved in his pocket and Dean clumsily tried to knock it away. "Don' do that."

"I'm just getting the keys, Kiddo. You're fine. I've got you."

Oh right. Caleb.

"Sorry."

Caleb balanced Dean between the car and his shoulder as he unlocked the impala. "For what?"

"Wasn' payin' 'tention."

"So not your fault, dude." He sounded distracted and worried.

"Should'a noticed."

"Nope." Dean was pushed down into a seat and his body went limp. Caleb disappeared for a minute then reappeared on the driver's side. "Pretty sure the whole point of those drugs is that you aren't supposed to notice."

"Don' even know when sh-she had- chance."

"It's okay, Deuce. Really. We'll deal with her later."

If anything else was said, Dean wasn't sure. His body finally gave up and the fog in his mind consumed him.

~TH~

Yes I'm evil. But he's with Caleb and relatively okay so... yeah.

Ok tomorrows is part two of "Better This Way" and I got emotional writing it so I'm really looking forward to you guys reading it lol.

I know what you're thinking. After being MIA for weeks, why am I suddenly back? Because my dear readers, midterms start tomorrow. And I am chronically most productive when I should be focusing on something else.

Sorry my titles are bad rn I'm brain dead.

On that note, I shall see you all tomorrow lol.

Let me know what you thought!

God bless, Jamie

[papafria]

Historia

Origen.

La historia de los videojuegos tiene su origen en la década de 1940 cuando, tras el fin de la Segunda Guerra Mundial, las potencias vencedoras construyeron los primeros ordenadores programables como ENIAC, de 1946. Los primeros intentos por implementar programas de carácter lúdico (inicialmente programas de ajedrez) no tardaron en aparecer, y se fueron repitiendo durante las siguientes décadas. Los primeros videojuegos modernos aparecieron en la década de los 60, y desde entonces el mundo de los videojuegos no ha dejado de crecer y desarrollarse con el único límite que le ha impuesto la creatividad de los desarrolladores y la evolución de la tecnología. En los últimos años, se asiste a una era de progreso tecnológico dominada por una industria que promueve un modelo de consumo rápido donde las nuevas superproducciones quedan obsoletas en pocos meses, pero donde a la vez un grupo de personas e instituciones —conscientes del papel que los programas pioneros, las compañías que definieron el mercado y los grandes visionarios tuvieron en el desarrollo de dicha industria— han iniciado el estudio formal de la historia de los videojuegos.

Los inicios.

Durante bastante tiempo ha sido complicado señalar cual fue el primer videojuego, principalmente debido a las múltiples definiciones de este que se han ido estableciendo, pero se puede considerar como primer videojuego el Nought and crosses, también llamado OXO, desarrollado por Alexander S.Douglas en 1952. El juego era una versión computerizada del tres en raya que se ejecutaba sobre la EDSAC y permitía enfrentar a un jugador humano contra la máquina.

En 1958 William Higginbotham creó, sirviéndose de un programa para el cálculo de trayectorias y un osciloscopio, Tennis for Two (tenis para dos): un simulador de tenis de mesa para entretenimiento de los visitantes de la exposición Brookhaven National Laboratory. Este videojuego fue el primero en permitir el juego entre dos jugadores humanos. Cuatro años más tarde Steve Russell, un estudiante del Instituto de Tecnología de Massachussets, dedicó seis meses a crear un juego para computadora usando gráficos vectoriales: Spacewar. En este juego, dos jugadores controlaban la dirección y la velocidad de dos naves espaciales que luchaban entre ellas. El videojuego funcionaba sobre un PDP-1 y fue el primero en tener un cierto éxito, aunque apenas fue conocido fuera del ámbito universitario.

En 1966 Ralph Baer empezó a desarrollar junto a Albert Maricon y Ted Dabney, un proyecto de videojuego llamado Fox and Hounds dando inicio al videojuego doméstico. Este proyecto evolucionaría hasta convertirse en la Magnavox Odyssey, el primer sistema doméstico de videojuegos lanzado en 1972 que se conectaba a la televisión y que permitía jugar a varios juegos pregrabados.

1970-1979: La eclosión de los videojuegos 📷Un hito importante en el inicio de los videojuegos tuvo lugar en 1971 cuando Nolan Bushnell comenzó a comercializar Computer Space, una versión de Space War, aunque otra versión recreativa de Space War como fue Galaxy War puede que se le adelantara a principios de los 70 en el campus de la universidad de Standford. La ascensión de los videojuegos llegó con la máquina recreativa Pong que es considerada la versión comercial del juego Tennis for Two de Higginbotham. El sistema fue diseñado por Al Alcom para Nolan Bushnell en la recién fundada Atari. El juego se presentó en 1972 y fue la piedra angular del videojuego como industria. Durante los años siguientes se implantaron numerosos avances técnicos en los videojuegos (destacando los microprocesadores y los chips de memoria). Aparecieron en los salones recreativos juegos como Space Invaders (Taito) o Asteroids (Atari).

1980-1989: La década de los 8 bits.

Los años 80 comenzaron con un fuerte crecimiento en el sector de los videojuegos alentado por la popularidad de los salones de máquinas recreativas y de las primeras videoconsolas aparecidas durante la década de los 70. Durante estos años destacan sistemas como Oddyssey 2 (Phillips), Intellivision (Mattel), Colecovision (Coleco), Atari 5200, Commodore 64, Turbografx (NEC). Por otro lado en las máquinas recreativas triunfaron juegos como el famoso Pacman (Namco), Battle Zone (Atari), Pole Position (Namco), Tron (Midway) o Zaxxon (Sega).

En 1985 apareció Super Mario Bros, que supuso un punto de inflexión en el desarrollo de los juegos electrónicos, ya que la mayoría de los juegos anteriores sólo contenían unas pocas pantallas que se repetían en un bucle y el objetivo simplemente era hacer una alta puntuación. El juego desarrollado por Nintendo supuso un estallido de creatividad. Por primera vez teníamos un objetivo y un final en un videojuego. En los años posteriores otras compañías emularon su estilo de juego.

1990-1999: La revolución de las 3D.

A principios de los años 90 las videoconsolas dieron un importante salto técnico gracias a la competición de la llamada "generación de 16 bits" compuesta por la Mega Drive, la Super Nintendo Entertainmet de Nintendo, la PC Engine de NEC, conocida como Turbografx en occidente y la CPS Changer de (Capcom). Junto a ellas también apareció la Neo Geo (SNK) una consola que igualaba las prestaciones técnicas de un arcade pero demasiado cara para llegar de forma masiva a los hogares.

Mientras tanto diversas compañías habían comenzado a trabajar en videojuegos con entornos tridimensionales, principalmente en el campo de los PC, obteniendo diferentes resultados desde las “2D y media” de Doom, 3D completas de 4D Boxing a las 3D sobre entornos pre-renderizados de Alone in Dark. Referente a las ya antiguas consolas de 16 bits, su mayor y último logro se produciría por el SNES mediante la tecnología 3-D de pre-renderizados de SGI, siendo su máxima expresión juegos como Donkey Kong Country y Killer Instinct. También surgió el primero juego poligonal en consola, la competencia de la SNES, Mega-Drive, lanzó el Virtual Racing, que tuvo un gran éxito ya que marcó un antes y un después en los juegos 3D en consola. Rápidamente los videojuegos en 3D fueron ocupando un importante lugar en el mercado, principalmente gracias a la llamada "generación de 32 bits" en las videoconsolas: Sony PlayStation y Sega Saturn (principalmente en Japón); y la “generación de 64 bits” en las videoconsolas: Nintendo 64 y Atari jaguar. En cuanto a los ordenadores, se crearon las aceleradoras 3D.

En PC eran muy populares los FPS  (juegos de acción en primera persona) como Quake (id Softare), Unreal (Epic Megagames) o Half-Life (Valve), y los RTS (juegos de estrategia en tiempo real) como Command & Conquer (Westwood) o Starcraft (Blizzard). Además, conexiones entre ordenadores mediante internet facilitaron el juego multijugador, convirtiéndolo en la opción predilecta de muchos jugadores, y fueron las responsables del nacimiento de los MMORPG (juegos de rol multijugador online) como Ultima Online (Origin). Finalmente en 1998 apareció en Japón la Dreamcast (Sega) y daría comienzo a la “generación de los 128 bits”.

Desde el 2000: El comienzo del nuevo siglo.

En el 2000 Sony lanzó la anticipada PlayStation 2 y Sega lanzó otra consola con las mismas características técnicas de la Dreamcast, nada más que venia con un monitor de 14 pulgadas, un teclado, altavoces y los mismos mandos llamados Dreamcast Drivers 2000 Series CX-1. Microsoft entra en la industria de las consolas creando la Xbox en 2001. Nintendo lanzó el sucesor de la Nintendo 64, la Gamecube, y la primera Game Boy completamente nueva desde la creación de la compañía, la Game Boy Advance. Sega viendo que no podría competir, especialmente con una nueva máquina como la de Sony, anunció que ya no produciría hardware, convirtiéndose sólo en desarrolladora de software en 2002. El ordenador personal PC es la plataforma más cara de juegos pero también la que permite mayor flexibilidad. Esta flexibilidad proviene del hecho de poder añadir al ordenador componentes que se pueden mejorar constantemente, como son tarjetas gráficas o de sonido y accesorios como volantes, pedales y mandos, etc. Además es posible actualizar los juegos con parches oficiales o con nuevos añadidos realizados por la compañía que creó el juego o por otros usuarios.

[nevergettingoverwincest]

Hello my wincestmas giftee! I'm hear to ask about your faves or wants, what kind of things would you like to receive? Any preferences, or squicks you'd rather not see/get? I'm looking forward to gifting you delights in the upcoming weeks!

Hi Anon! (Sorry for the delay, this week is out of control... Happy American Thanksgiving??) I enjoy all kinds of wincest, it's all good. I've got a particular soft spot for pre-series wincest and weecest (as young as you want, tbh) and Standford era, or early season\classic stuff. Some tropes I particularly love are outside POV, case fic, Bobby being a good dad, silly plot devices like time travel, body swap, mind link, sex magic, de-aging, etc.

I'm happy with sfw or NSFW, including pwp.

My do not wants- (permanent) major character death, rape/noncon (dubcon is fine as long as everyone ends up into it eventually!), tragic/unhopeful endings. Also, not stuff that relies heavily on plot knowledge of the later seasons. I stopped following very closely after the soulless Sam arc. Who's jack? No idea. Anyway. Hope this gives you enough to work with! Feel free to ask clarifying Qs, I will keep an eye on my inbox.

[schrijverr]

What you couldn’t say before

Dean suddenly shows up at Sams college dorm, injured and alone. It causes a fight in which some things are revealed.

Ships: Jessica x Sam

Warnings: Injury, implied abuse, angst. Read with causion!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sam was having a normal night, well as normal of a night it could be for a Winchester. He was hanging out with some friends and celebrating the end of a stressful exam week. They were just laughing at a stupid joke Jordan made when there was a knock on Sams door. Heads shot up and Mable asked: “Were you expecting anyone else?”

Sam shook his head as he made his way to the door. His brow was furrowed and he wondered who it could be. He opened the door and was met with a sight he thought he’d never see again, there right in front of him stood Dean. The jerk smiled and said: “Heya Sammy.”

Sam was speechless for a minute before he yelled: “We haven’t talked for almost two years and the only thing you got to say is “Heya Sammy”? What are you even doing here? And it’s Sam, not Sammy.”

Dean let the onslaught of words roll over him and said: “Oh, what, in a year it will be Samuel or Mr. Winchester or something. Nice to know, Sammy.”

He slapped Sams shoulder and tried to walk into the place, but he didn’t get far. He was in the middle of asking if Sam had any beer when he suddenly went down. Sam cut off the angry remark he was going to make and yelled DEAN! Instead as he rushed to his brothers side. He fell down next to him and checked for breathing, when he saw Deans chest rising and falling he started to check for injuries and it wasn’t hard to find. Hidden underneath that stupid leather jacket he still wore were four deep gashes, next to each other. It had been done by something with claws. He yelled: “Someone get my medical kit. Under the sink. Hurry!”

He put pressure on the wound and cursed Dean under his breath. When the kit was put next to him he wasted no time. He grabbed scissors and cut open the undershirt Dean was wearing and hoped he wasn’t too attached to it, then he set to work with some disinfectant, a blunt sowing needle and some dental cord. It wasn’t how it was usually done, but it was how the Winchester family did it.

After a few stressful moments Sam was done. He sat back and admired his handiwork when it was suddenly brought to his attention that his friends were still there and that they had questions. Toby asked: “How the hell did you know how to do that?”

Sam got startled and looked up, he hesitated for a second before he decided to say: “I had practice.”

“Where would you get practice for that? You’re a law major.” Rey exclaimed.

Sam looked down on Deans peaceful face and said: “Well, lets just say Dean has always gotten himself in trouble and I was always there for him.”

“So, is that your brother?” Jessica asked.

Sam nodded and said: “That’s him alright. I never thought I would ever see him again. Figures he would only come when he needed help.”

The silence that followed was filled with the sadness of that statement. It was just getting a bit awkward when Dean woke up with a gasp. He looked around him with a confused expression on his face when he found Sam and asked: “Sammy?”

“Dude, I juts told you to call me Sam.” Sam said in an exasperated voice.

Dean shook his head and said: “No, that’s not- what am I doing here?”

A concerned look crossed Sams face and he said: “I don’t know. You just showed up at my doorstep, bleeding. What happened to you?”

“I did? Oh, uh, sorry. I was out hunting and it didn’t go as I planned.” He explained.

“What were you hunting?” Rey asked from the couch.

Dean looked over and back at Sam. “Did I interrupt something?”

“Doesn’t matter. What were you hunting and where is dad? Did something happen to him?” Sam asked.

Dean shook his head and said: “Dad’s fine. He’s in Ohio hunting on his own. He send me here to deal with a wolf.” he looked extra intently at Sam for the last part and Sam nodded that he understood, a werewolf.

“Dad lets you hunt on your own? That fucking dangerous, man. What are you both thinking!” Sam exclaimed.

Dean rolled his eyes and said: “Don’t get your panties in a twist, Samantha. I’m 24, an adult. I don’t need to follow everywhere dad goes. He found two cases, gave the easiest to me and now I’m here and I’m tired.”

Sam rubbed his temples and said: “You can take my bed, we’ll talk in the morning.”

Dean shook his head and said: “No, but I have to go. I’m in a motel close by and Baby is just downstairs we’ll be fine. Really, I’m fine.”

“No, your car will be fine outside for a night. You are not driving, not in this condition. You are hurt Dean and I know we haven’t been on the best footing, but you’re not fine and you’re spending the night here.”

“No, I’m sorry Sam, but I have to go. I have to call and report to dad in the morning and he will not find out that I fucked up and went here. He’s finally giving me more dangerous cases and this is not ruining that.” Dean gestured between them with an angry look.

He got up from the ground as Sam tried to find his words. Finally he angrily yelled: “Is that really what this is about? Dads crusade? Getting better cases? And here I thought you still cared about me, but no. You don’t even want me near you, you only wanted me when it could help hiding your fuck up from dad.”

With those words something broke inside Deans eyes, with a crack in his voice he said: “Don’t, don’t say that, don’t you do that. You were the one who left, not me.”

“Well, it’s not like I didn’t try to keep contact, but that life, that’s not me. I’m not crazy for wanting to go to college. You were the one who never called or visited.” Sam said with hurt and anger in his voice.

Dean bit his lip and retorted: “You think I had a choice? You think I wanted to give up the only person I ever cared about just like that. It cuts me that you think that, you know me. I would never do that, not willingly.”

“What do you mean with that? What are you not telling me?” Sam said, “Please, Dean, talk.”

“You walked, you walked on my watch. Dad, dad, was so mad. He trashed the whole place and he said to me, he said “If you really cared, you would have stopped him”, he tore up the information you left behind for me and ruined my phone.” Dean took a deep breath and went on, “He makes sure I can never be close. He always finds something, a job for two, dangerous, people dying, always around important dates, Hell, this is the first time I said foot in California since you left. Dad, he isn’t the same, if you thought he drank too much before, you should see him now. It’s been terrible ever since you left. If he finds out I was near you, I don’t know what he will do to me.”

Tears were flowing out of Sams eyes and he said: “Then don’t go, don’t leave me again. Screw dad, what did he ever do for us? You owe him nothing.”

Deans eyes were empty and teary as he said: “Is not that easy, Sammy. He’s family, I can’t leave him, he gave me purpose. Protecting, it’s what I’m good at.”

“I don’t get- You can do that from here. You know Bobby will give you cases and you can be here, you don’t have to go back.” Sam was practically pleading now.

His friends made themselves as small and quiet on the couch as possible, they felt how important this was. Dean smiled sadly and said: “It’s not just protecting anyone, I’m still protecting you. The moment I leave, dads good little soldier, he will come after you. He would rather have you. He’ll come get you, no questions asked and he will do it with force if necessary. I can’t let that happen. You have a shot at a normal life and I ain’t the one taking that away from you.”

“Dean...” that one word conveyed it all, the sadness he felt for the faith of his brother, the anger at his father and the longing to his brother by his side.

“I know, Sammy.” Dean said.

And before Sam could react he was out the door, leaving without a goodbye or hug. The moment the door closed Sam crumbled to his knees, silent sobs wracking through his body. Jessica was of the couch in seconds and by his side. She rubbed his back and spoke soothingly at him. She coaxed him to his bed and played with his hair until the sobs turned into soft snores when he fell asleep from emotional exhaustion.

Back with the others she directed them out the doors and said: “I’ll stay with him. You go, I’ll update you on his willingness to talk about it.”

They nodded and Toby put all their feelings into words: “I was curious about Mr. Tight-Lippeds family, but I think I know enough now. That is some serious fucked up shit.”

[schrijverr]

Somtimes secrets are best left covered

I’m really into Stanford-era Sam and how strange he must have been to his friends. So, I tried my own hand at it.

Sams friends try to get him drunk and get information out of him, but he doesn’t give them much besides dart skills

Ships: none, maybe a bit pre- Jessica x Sam

Warnings: none

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sam was a little odd, but his friends chalked that up to a strange childhood with a lot of moving around which was also the only thing they knew about his childhood. You see, Sam was very tight lipped over his family, his nonexistent home and his whole life before Standford. And his friends were curious as fuck, so they hatched a plan: get Sam drunk.

This was of course a great plan in theory, but the execution was harder than expected, because as it turned out Sam was great at holding his liquor. They were already five shots and a few beers in him and the only indicator that he had drank was the small blush on his face. Julian tripped over his words as he asked: “How do you do that man?”

Sam chuckled and said: “Dude, weird ass bars that serve to underage kids were basically my second home next to motels.”

Immediately more ears listen to the conversation, Sam had given them more information than before, maybe the alcohol was getting to him. Julian noticed too and asked further: “Really? How old were you when you had your first drink?”

Sam shrugged and said: “I think around fifteen, but my first time in a bar was when I was ten.”

That got some raised eyebrows and Toby got himself involved in the conversation. He asked: “What were you doing in a bar at age ten?”

Sam shrugged again, but didn’t react any further. That had been enough information for one night. He however continued to drink with his friends and after a couple more rounds his friend were completely shitfaced, save a the two designated drivers. One of which said: “Come on, guys, if we want to be able to afford the bill we need to stop. Lets go.”

“No, no, no, I’ll get us some more money.” that was Sam, now swaying a bit on his feet.

Julian said: “You can’t make money appear, Sam.”

Sam grinned and said: “Watch me.”

Then he walked, or stumbled, over to the dart board where a few scary looking dudes were darting. He put a twenty dollar bill down and slurred: “I feel lucky, who wants to play?”

His friends wanted to stop him, but he waved them away and focused on the guys who took one look at this baby-faced boy who was drunk of his ass and smirked at each other. “Yeah, I’ll play.” a guy said and also put down 20 dollar.

Two other guys followed. Sam smiled at started and, he was terrible. He was way behind and lost his money easily. His friend now really wanted to drag him away, but he shook his head and said: “This one just wasn’t my round, next one will. I feel it! 30 dollar!”

He fished the money out of his pants. The other players rolled their eyes at the boys naivety and put their own money in the pot. Sam lost again and his friend were getting really desperate, but Sam pushed them back again. He told everyone: “Ok, ok, maybe that wasn’t the best. I just need higher stakes, jep, that’s it. Higher stakes and it will be my round, I feel it in my bones.”

He smiled his goofy smile and got 50 dollars out of his pocket. He looked disappointed and quickly turned to his friends and asked: “Does anyone have 100 dollars?”

“No, Sam. Please quit. You need that money to pay for-”

Jessica was cut off by a totally drunk Brady who was so drunk he believed in Sam. He pushed 100 dollars in his hand without question. “Thanks, dude. I’ll pay you back.” Sam said.

He turned back to the group guys and asked: “What do you say? 150 dollar?”

The guys shook their head, but didn’t let the opportunity pass to make some more cash. The three dudes put down their money and a fourth said: “Hell, I’ll risk it.” and put his money down too.

Sam smiled and the game started. Everybody was confused as Sam suddenly became much better and was beating the guys. One grabbed him by the collar after a particularly good throw and suspiciously said: “Were you playing us, boy?”

Sam put on his best confused/scared face and innocently said: “What do you mean? I sobered up a bit, that’s all. I don’t know what’s going on either.”

The guy eyed him for a second, but let him go. A few more throws later and Sam was collecting his money, smiling all the way.

His group was still shocked as they payed their bill and left. When they were outside Julian asked: “When did you get good at that?”

“What? Darts?” Sam smiled, “Me and my brother used to play all the time when my dad left us at bars when he was working. After a while you get good and convince guys like that that they couldn’t possibly lose to two kids. Always nice to have a dollar extra.”

He continued smiling at the memory, but was taken out of it when Jessica and Julian both asked him a question: “You have a brother?” “Why weren’t you good from the beginning then?”

He decided to answer Julians question and ignore Jessicas. “Number one rule of hustling: You gotta lose some money to win a lot. You can’t raise the staked to a 150 when no one knows your skill, that way no one will bite. You gotta take it slow.”

Julian nodded and said: “Nice”, but Jessica was not amused and she asked: “Did your brother teach you that?”

Sam nodded and looked to the sky then he thoughtfully said: “Hope he isn’t dead yet.”

That got Jessica to frown concerned and she softly asked: “What makes you say that? Did he get into a lot of bar fights?”

Sam looked at her and whispered: “Yeah, you could say it’s something like that.”

After that he didn’t say anything anymore and the next morning he pretended that he didn’t remember a thing, but Jessica did and her interest was piqued. She would get to know this Sam better.

[trekkiehood]

How Long? (Part 3) - Spn Fic

Title: How Long?

Fandom: Supernatural

Author: @pricelesstrashpanda and @trekkiehood

Part: [1] [2] 3/10

Words: 1.6k

Setting: Preseries - Standford Era

Characters: Dean, Bobby, Sam, John

Ship: None

Ao3 Link

Summary: Dean hasn’t seen or heard from his family in over a year. After one too many ignored phone calls, Dean decides he’s better off dead than alone. Bobby disagrees.

Trigger Warnings: Depression, Loneliness, Self-harm, Suicide

Authors Note:

Thank you so much for the amazing support! This has gotten way more traffic than either of us expected and we honestly can't express how thankful we are <3

This chapter is a bit dark (not like this whole story is but still lol) so be prepared for that.

Really excited for you guys to read this chapter! Thank you so so so much for your comments so far, please keep it up! I really makes our day!

-Jamie

~~~

“Hey, Sam?”

“Hm?” Sam looked up from his pre-law book. Jess had been in the shower when he’d gotten home, so it was the first he’d seen of her since that morning, and her tone didn’t match her usual casual, flirty greetings.

“A call came for you earlier. While you were still in class.”

“Yeah?” His friends didn’t usually call the apartment phone, but it wasn’t unheard of.

“Yeah. He said his name was Bobby, and…”

“Bobby? As in Bobby Singer?”

She nodded sincerely. “That was it.”

“Gah, what does he want?” Sam moaned.

The hunter was the last person he expected, or wanted, to hear from. He’d been good to him his whole life and Sam was grateful, but the long weeks and months spent at the salvage yard while his dad chased demons was just another thing about his childhood that he would rather forget.

And yet, all day he’d been ignoring calls from him on his cell. Now he’d managed to dig up the apartment number, too. When was he just going to give it up?

“He said he’d been trying to get a hold of you all day, and he needs you to call your brother right away.”

For a moment, Sam wondered if something might be really wrong. What if Dad had finally gotten himself killed? No. If that was it, Bobby would most likely have said so by now. Admittedly, Sam hadn’t actually listened to any of the messages he’d left, but still… he would have texted it, told Jess, something. The vagueness of call Dean now smelled way too much like a ploy to drag Sam back into a million things he’d left behind for good.

He realized Jess was looking at him expectantly, and he exhaled. “Whatever Bobby and Dean are trying to drag me into, I want no part in it.”

His girlfriend frowned. “It didn’t sound like that. He didn’t say anything about wanting you to do anything but call your brother.”

“Yeah, well, I’m sure he thinks Dean has a better shot of convincing me.”

“Babe, I really don’t think it’s like that.” Jess really didn’t seem keen to drop this. “Has Dean tried to get a hold of you lately?”

“I mean, he always calls or texts every few months,” Sam sighed. “Gets drunk and doesn’t have anyone else to bother about it. I think he left a message last night. But like I said, whatever it is, I have midterms next week and I’m not getting dragged into it.”

"Sam, he's your brother."

"You don't know him like I do, okay? He'll be fine."

She was still frowning, her brown eyes fixed intently on him even as he tried to brush her off. "Did you even listen to his message?"

"I have no interest in listening to his drunk calls"

"Bobby sounded really worried, Sam.”

"Bobby has this soft spot for Dean,” Sam sighed. “he always overreacts."

"What if he's hurt?" Jess pressed. “Or what if it’s something with your dad?”

“If he was hurt, Bobby would have told me, and there’s nothing I can do from here anyway,” he replied matter-of-factly. “And if it’s something with Dad, then I don’t want to know.”

"You told me your brother worshiped your dad,” she argued. “if something happened, he’ll need you."

"Dean’s a big boy, Jess,” Sam groaned. “And he's got Bobby. Whatever this is, they can handle it."

“Sam, I would really feel better if you would just call him,” she tried one last time. “You didn’t hear Bobby on the phone. He was really, really worked up.”

“Like I said, Babe,” he sighed. “You just don’t know them like I do. If you did, you wouldn’t want me giving them an inch any more than I want to give it.”

She exhaled as well, walking around to drape herself over his shoulders. “Are you sure it’s gonna be alright?”

“I’m sure,” he replied tiredly. “It will be as alright as my family ever is.”

And all but the tiniest part of him actually believed it.

~SPN~

Dean paced the motel room. The one-bed motel room. He hated the one bed. For the first several weeks after Dad had left, he’d continued to ask for a double bed. Habit. But he’d gotten used to it. Having so much floorspace in the motel. He didn’t like it. But he’d gotten used to it. For the most part.

But on days like today… it seemed so big. So… empty. He fiddled with his cellphone. Unsurprised to see no missed calls. He expected it. He really did. But it just… it hurt.

He’d gone out earlier. Bought a burger. Even splurged a bit. He hadn’t been eating much the last couple of weeks. Hadn’t really seen a reason to. And… he hadn’t had the energy to find money. If he went to a bar it was to drink. He probably could have found some cash if he had really tried, always had before. But everytime he thought about it he heard a voice asking “what’s the point?” He’d just use the credit cards for the motel. And food wasn’t really on the top of his priority list.

It had always been “make sure Sammy’s fed”, “make sure Dad has food when he gets back”, “don’t let Sammy go hungry”, “make sure Dad is content”. But now? Thinking about just himself? It seemed… impossible.

But he’d eaten today. And maybe it was just that he knew he was nearing his end, but the burger hadn’t tasted like cardboard. He’d gotten the deluxe burger. With fries. And a large coke.

It wasn’t like he was going to have to worry about money after today.

He’d eaten it. Most of it. He couldn’t quite finish it all, but it was more than he’d eaten in one sitting in over two months, so he counted it as a win. A final win.

Could you eat in Heaven? Assuming there even was one. Assuming he’d even go there. Could people who committed suicide get into Heaven? Did they take your circumstances into account or just send you straight downstairs?

He wasn’t sure if it mattered. He was pretty sure he was in a living Hell anyway. How much worse could the real place be?

Dean tossed the phone back onto the bed, collapsing down beside it. He looked at his watch. Huh. An hour left. Time flies when you’re having fun. Or something.

He couldn’t help but stare at the silent phone. One phone call. Was one phone call so much to ask? He’d promised he wouldn’t call them again. He��d made his final move and he wouldn’t take it back now. He wouldn’t be weak in his final moments.

But… it couldn’t hurt…

He wasn’t so sure that he wanted to die. If he was going to be alone he did. If his family was going to continue to treat him like he didn’t exist. If his brother truly had no use for him. If his father only cared about sending him across the country to ensure their paths never crossed. Then he wanted to die.

But maybe… maybe if Sam just… knew. Then maybe…

He picked up the phone, going to his messages. He’d left several over the last year. But maybe? Maybe this time would be different?

Dean tapped his fingers aimlessly on the keypad.

Please call me.

He finally typed, hitting send, then tossing the phone back onto the bed.

Dean waited.

He’d drifted off to sleep when a beeping noise woke him. It took him a disoriented moment to realize it was his watch.

The noise stopped as Dean pressed the button to acknowledge it.

There was quiet.

Maybe… maybe when he was asleep….

He hesitantly picked up the phone.

Nothing.

Not a text. Not a call.

Not even a “leave me alone, Dean.”

Nothing.

They really didn’t care.

Dean pushed himself up. Twenty-four hours. He’d waited. But he hadn’t changed his mind. He couldn’t live like this anymore. And he wouldn’t.

He was halfway to the bathroom when the phone began ringing.

Feeling his heart begin to pound, he scrambled over to the bed, frantically scooping it up in his hands.

“Hello?”

“Dean?!”

Bobby. Of course it was Bobby. He was a fool to think anyone else would call. He knew his family better than that.

“Dean? Are you there?”

“Yeah, yeah I’m here.” He rubbed a hand over his face.

Bobby breathed a sigh of relief. “Did… did anyone-”

“No. No one called. I told you they wouldn’t. Just let me finish what I started.”

“No. Dean. Listen to me. We’ll figure it out, okay? We’ll figure something out.”

“I don’t want to figure something out, Bobby." He wasn't going to cry. Not now. "I want this nightmare of a life to be over.”

“Dean-”

“Thanks for everything. Really, Bobby. Thank you. But… I’m done. You- you can find… my remains in Hays, Kansas, at the Deer Lane Inn, room 219.”

“Dean-”

“Give me a hunter’s funeral, okay? I know… I know I don’t deserve it. Just- that’s all I ask. No one has to come but… I don't want to come back.” He tried to laugh but he knew it fell short. “I already feel like a ghost, I’d rather not become an actual one.”

“Dean, Son, please. Just- wait.”

“I’ve waited long enough, Bobby. Thanks for everything.”

He didn’t wait for a reply, ending the call and throwing the phone across the room with an angry yell.

Breathing heavy, he flipped the table over. A hand ran down his face, trying to calm his breathing.

No more anger. No more anything.

Dean walked into the bathroom, picked up his knife, and shut the door.

~~~

Haha

Sorry...

But yeah, that's the end of the chapter for today. It's okay, you can scream at us if you wish.

So what do you think will happen? What do you think of Sam's response to Jess? And where is Bobby and what will he do? And what's going to happen to poor Dean?

Let us know what you think!

More tomorrow!

Much love and God bless,

Jamie