i like to make fun of murderbot for being all "i hate everyone, i don't care about anything or anyone, fuck off" while simultaneously caring very much about the people around it and the situations it finds itself in. i love how it "accidentally" ends up caring quite a lot about the friends it makes along the way.
but i think something that i tend to forget is that murderbot actively decides to care - at least at some point in its story.
idk, as a person that struggles with depression, this paragraph from artificial condition really resonates with me. prior to all systems red, murderbot had contracts. it had routine and it had protocols. it knew what it had to do to just get by, how to perform so no one would notice it had disabled its governor module. it was deeply depressed, yes, but it was functioning (for lack of a better word).
in artificial condition, murderbot's routine is gone. it cannot go on in that state of numbly going-from-contract-to-contract, putting in as little effort as possible, consuming media to cope. that option is gone because it escaped (and note that escaping the company was not an active choice, it kinda happened to it). murderbot has two options now: it can either gather all its energy; actively do something new and difficult and distressing; change something in its life and try. or it can let the numbness and the emptiness take over and stop trying. if murderbot wants to survive as a rogue secunit, it has to try. no matter how difficult that is.
the wording in that paragraph really hits home for me. the way the non-caring sees an opportunity to slip in and to take over. does murderbot even care? does anything really matter? is anything really worth the hassle? wouldn't it be so much easier to just let your mind slip away a little, to go numb, to be passive, to watch media and wait for things to happen to you? wouldn't it be nice to stop thinking and struggling and feeling complicated things? to stop making an effort? you've been dealing with a lot lately and maybe it's time to just shut down. maybe you'll just take a little break. just slip deeper into this chair and start the show. time flies when you're not paying attention. trying is exhausting. who cares if you don't do the things you wanted to do, you were supposed to do. it'll be fine. let's just ignore those things for now. just let the non-caring take over. just stop thinking. you can deal with the aftermath later. just watch your shows. who cares.
but murderbot cares. it decides to care. it decides to fight with all it has and i think that is so brave. and i think in the later books caring is less of an active decision for murderbot. once you start caring, it's easier to keep going than to stop; and murderbot, for all its "i'm a grumpy rogue secunit, leave me alone" behavior, knows just how important caring is. so it's not that it doesn't know what's happening; rather, it lets itself care.
tl;dr: caring is not the default for murderbot, it's just the more difficult of two options. and it decides not to take the soft option. it decides to struggle. it decides to care. and so it does.
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I was reminded today that not everyone knows about one of my favorite ADHD/time blindness helpers.
behold! the magic of the egg timer:
pros:
quick and easy to set (no long setup, no typing, just a twist)
mechanical (no batteries required)
remaining time visible
comes in fun shapes and sizes (add your favorite to this post!!)
cons:
can be loud
can't be attached to your wrist
can only be set to up to 59 minutes
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Evie I must know. How do you- How does one-
ANATOMY
please if you have any advice i will gladly take it
AHH HELLO!! Here goes!
quite a mammoth of a post underneath the cut so be warned hehe
ummm okkk so
I’m by nature a very quick and messy thinker, and so that’s kinda how I do anatomy (though in my case it’s more like poses) too! My process (if it can be called that lol) isn’t very organized, and it kinda feels like I’m winging it half the time XD
I did mess around with poses a lot when I was younger, and I suppose looking back it was basically anatomy minus the detail. (I still have trouble putting detail into art) Poses are one of my favorite things to draw though; they are very relaxing and fun :)
I guess I’d recommend practicing a lot, and keeping it messy, quick and fun! That’s what I did, as well as drawing from and tracing references!
but here is my process, as best as I can explain it :D
Hopefully you can read my handwriting and this all makes sense!
triangles and quadrilaterals are great XD
alright here are also a BUNCH of sketches and poses of mine that I’ve used or will be using
Many of these are wips and they’re all incredibly messy but I figured they’d show you what I mean!
I guess to close off this crazy ramble, I’ll repeat what I said before! Have fun with poses! Mess around and experiment and don’t be afraid to draw sketches that won’t ever become a character or an artwork, but are more like a pathway to something else I guess? That’s what has worked for me :)
also thank you so much for asking my friend! I am honored! ALSO also, congratulations on making it this far lol
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WE'RE WATCHING WAKANDA FOREVER... WE'RE 1 HOUR IN BUT I MUST SAY... I STOPPED PAYING ATTENTION A WHILE AGO...
THIS POST MIGHT GET GLITCHED DUE TO THEIR LENGTH AND SUREFIRE WOKENESS... DETAILS THAT CAUSE THEM TO BE ERASED ABUSIVELY EVILLY NASTILLY ON PURPOSE OUT OF POLITICAL PROPAGANDA BY THE ABUSER CALLED TUMBLR... THEREFORE.. I WILL EDIT THIS IN BITS...
OKAY... WE WATCHED AN ANIME PORN THAT WAS TRANSPHOBIC... THAT WAS 2 WOMAN BUT... THE OTHER ONE IS TRANS LIKELY BY A TRANSPHOBIC CREATOR... WE GET TYPICAL TRANSPHOBIC DIALOGUE... SEXISM... QUEERPHOBIA... ABOUT CONSTRUCTS... THE CISSIE WAS ITEMIZED INSANE... CRAZY... SHE WASN'T... YUCKIES... ALL THIS AT A TRANS CHARACTER... WHAT A NASTY FETISH THE CREATOR HAS... WE REMEMBERED... THAT IS IMPORTANT TO REMEMBER... TO ACKNOWLEDGE... I REMEMBER MORE... ONCE AGAIN FORGOTTEN ONCE AGAIN WHAT WE USED TO KNOW... BECAUSE NOBODY WILL EVER UNDERSTAND... WE WILL ALWAYS BE ABUSED... WE HAVE NO HOPE EVER GETTING MARRIED AND HAVING CHILDREN OUR LIVES PURPOSE OR TRANSITIONING AS OURSELVES... THIS IS FACTUAL... WE HAVE BEEN TOLD THIS OVER AND OVER AGAIN... NOBODY WILL EVER UNDERSTAND... WE WATCHED ANOTHER ONE... TERRIBLE...
THEY CAN'T DIE... BUT I HAVE NO ENERGY... THERE IS NO POINT... THEY'RE DYING... FLEEING... THIS CAN'T HAPPEN... I LOVE YOU... OUR SHARED EMOTIONS... OUR TRAUMA... OUR PROGRESSIVE EXISTANCE WITHOUT AN EQUAL NOBODY WILL EVER COMPARE TO GIVING US NL POINT IN LIFE... WE'RE ALIVE FOR NO REASON... BECAUSE WE CARE UNLIKE ANYONE ELSE... THERE IS NOBODY ELSE THAT CARES ON THIS PLANET... WE WOULD BE ABUSED BY ANYONE AND EVERYONE IF THEIR CHILDREN... ONLY WE CAN HAVE THEM FOR THIS REASON... ASWELL AS THE TOOL NEVER OUR EQUAL THAT WILL GIVE THEM FOR US... BECAUSE AN EQUAL WOULD HAVE SAVED US ALREADY... IF EXISTED... THEY WOULD'VE PREVENTED EVERYTHING WE HAVE EVER BEEN TROUGH... THEY WOULD HAVE GIVEN US AN ACTUAL COMMUNITY THAN THE EVIL ABUSER WASTE THIS SITE ONLY HAS... WE WILL NEVER BE SAVED WE WILL NEVER TRANSITION LIFE IS POINTLESS WE ARE ABUSED ALWAYS HARMED ALWAYS HURT ALWAYS LIKE JUST WHEN SOMEONE HURT US SOMEONE WHO WASN'T SUPPOSED TO... ONCE AGAIN... AGAIN AGAIN AGAIN AGAIN AGAIN AGAIN AGAIN AGAIN AGAIN AND AGAIN A LOOP WE'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN!! BASIC NEEDS WE'RE BORN WITH ALWAYS DENIED ALWAYS ABUSED ALWAYS NEGLECTED JUST LIKE RIGHT NOW!! NOBODY IS QUALIFIED NO THERAPIST NOBODY OF SUCH KIND THEM ONLY ABUSERS THAT HAVE ONLY HURT US IN THE PAST WITH AN AGENDA FAR MORE EVIL THEM BASED IN EVIL BIGOTRIES... ANYONE OUTSIDE... SHOULD BE YOUR THERAPIST... FUCK THIS... DON'T UNDERSTAND YOU'RE A BIGOT... AND NO BIGOT IS ALLOWED TO INTERACT WITH THIS POST ONLY 2 PEOPLE 1 OUR EQUAL THAT WILL NEVER EXIST OUTSIDE OF OUR BRAIN 2 OUR LOVERS OUR CHEERLEADERS THOSE CUTIES THAT FOLLOW US... DESPERATE FOR OUR ATTENTION... HUNGRY... AWW... DON'T WORRY MY LITTLE FOLLOWER... HERE'S ANOTHER LOVELY POST YOUR FAVORITE: RIGHT...? HERE YOU GO <3!!
IF BLACK PANTHER WAS A TRANS WOMAN THAT IS AUTISM AND ADHD WAKANDA WOULD HAVE ABUSED HER SHE WOULD'VE NEVER BECOME A HERO SHE WOULD'VE NEVER BEEN ALLOWED TO IF SHE WAS RADQUEER FEMINIST COMMUNIST ANARCHIST WE ARE DESPISED WE ARE HATED... SAME WAY IRONMAN... SPIDERMAN... CAPTAIN AMERICA... ALL WITH THEIR SEXIST WRITTEN GIRLFRIENDS... DAMSELS IN DISTESS AT BEST A SIDE CHARACTER NEVER AN EQUAL... PEOPLE WITH DEAD PARENTS WITHOUT FAMILY WITHOUT COMMUNITY WITHOUT LOVE PREACHING ABOUT LOVE TO US... THAT DON'T THINK WHAT IS GOOD PREACHING ABOUT IDEOLOGY THAT ABUSES US... THEM ALL ABUSERS THAT WOULD ONLY HARM US... US WATCHING THEIR MOVIES... THINGS COULD'VE BEEN DIFFERENT... US ONLY LEARNING WE'RE UNLOVABLE AS THE TRUE LESSON OVER AND OVER... DOESN'T MATTER WHAT SERIES WHAT GENRE... THE QUESTION IS WHAT FAKE EMOTIONS THEY CAN MAKE US FEEL FOR A LITTLE MOMENT UNTIL REALITY HITS BACK IN... IF THIS IS DEPRESSION WE ARE DEPRESSED FOR A REASON WE ARE MEANT TO BE DEPRESSED WE ALWAYS WERE MEANT TO BE... WE ARE ABUSED WE HAVEN'T TRANSITIONED WE NEVER WILL WE'RE EVERYTHING ELSE LISTED... THIS WORLD IS THE PROBLEM WE NEVER COULD BE... BLAME US YOU'RE TO BLAME THAT IS YOU EVERYTHING IS WRONG WITH BECAUSE YOU COULD'VE PREVENTED THIS AND YOU DON'T ACCEPT US ONCE WE'RE BROKEN DESPITE ONLY DOING WHAT IS RIGHT EVERYONE ELSE ONLY BROKEN INSTEAD... THAT IS THEM THAT ALWAYS MADE EVERYTHING GO THIS WAY... THEM TO WHO THAT IS NORMAL TO SEE THIS AND IGNORE... ABUSERS... WITHOUT A RIGHT NO PREACH ABOUT ANYTHING... THIS... IDEOLOGY... ONLY A WAY TO TELL US WE DESERVE TO BE ABUSED WE DESERVED EVERYTHING THAT'S HAPPENED ON US THAT IS JUSTIFIED TO KILL US AND EVERYONE ELSE IS JUSTIFIED TO HURT US... US UNCARED FOR UNLOVED FOREVER...
I DON'T FEEL LIKE...
IRONMAN AS A TRANS WOMAN THAT IS EVERYTHING WE ARE WOULD'VE BEEN EPIC AND THE RIGHT WAY TO GO... GIVE HER EVERYTHING THERE SHOULD BE... MAKE HER EVERYTHING GOOD THERE IS... NO GOOD PERSON WOULD BE WHAT IRONMAN IS IN REAL LIFE... CONSERVATIVES LOVE HIM FOR A REASON... NOBODY PROGRESSIVE WOULD...
LOVE OF THUNDER WILL EASILY BE THE BEST THOR WE WILL WATCH THEM SOON TOO THE REASON WOKE CONTENT EASY AS THAT... MARVEL WILL NEVER ACCEPT EVERYTHING WOKE THERE IS... THERE IS NOTHING LEFTIST ABOUT THEM COMICS ARE AS BAD AS THEY WERE IN THE 80S WITH THE SAME PROBLEMS AS ARE MOVIES EVERYTHING IS... EVERYTHING IS EVIL AND HARMFULL :)...
THERE IS NOTHING WE CAN TALK ABOUT WHILE BURIED UNDER SUCH FEELINGS OF EVIL... ONLY SOMEONE THAT CAN FIX EVERYTHING CAN SAVE US... BUT NOBODY LIKE THAT IS OUT THERE... OTHERWISE... THEY WOULD'VE ALREADY COME... WE WOULD'VE SEEN THEM... WE WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN ABUSED ALL THOSE TIMES... NOTHING BAD WOULD'VE EVER HAPPENED TO US...
CULTURE WILL ALWAYS BE EVIL... THAT IS RACIST TO EVEN WHEN DRAWING A BLACK PERSON PUTTING HIM IN TRIBE OUTFITS FROM 6000 MILLION YEARS AGO... ISN'T THIS JUST MAKING THEM TARZAN ANYWAYS...? NOTHING'S ACTUALLY CHANGED... THE SAME WAY THEY WOULDN'T ACCEPT US... THEY HATE EVERYTHING AGAINST THEIR CONSERVATIVE ABUSER CULTURE AND THEIR STANCE IS TO NEVER EVOLVE TO ALWAYS STAY THE SAME...
AT THE SAME TIME ALL THE OTHER HEROES HAVE NO FAMILY HAVE NO FRIENDS... THEY'RE REJECTS HATED BY EVERYONE... THAT JUDGE OTHER PEOPLE LIKE THEM BECAUSE THEY DIDN'T BECOME WHAT OPPRESSESS THEM AND DOESN'T DO SHIT TO FIX WHAT CAUSED EVERYTHING BAD ON THEM THEY CAUSE ASWELL...
THERE WAS 1 EMOTIONAL MOMENT IN THIS ONE THAT WAS FIRE... WHEN HIS WIFE WHO'S NOW A WIDOW STRIPS THAT ONE WOMAN FROM HER POWER... VERY GOOD SCENE... VERY EMOTIONAL... ONE OF THE BEST MARVEL HAS... THE BEGGINING ASWELL WAS GOOD... AFTER THAT IS WHEN THINGS GOT BORING...
I LIKE THE CONNECTIONS EVERYONE HAS OR DID... ALL THOSE OTHER HEROES AREN'T CARED ABOUT BY THEIR COMMUNITIES... IF CAPTAIN AMERICA WAS TRULY CARED ABOUT... HIS ARMY WOULD'VE FOUND AND SAVED HIM OR THEY WOULD'VE FROZEN THEMSELVES TOO... NOBODY CARED ABOUT HIM... EVERYONE'S DEAD... HE HAS NO REASON TO BE A HERO ANYMORE... HE SHOULDN'T BE... HE'S AN ABUSER GARBAGE WASTE... EITHER HE'S BAD WHICH HE IS EITHER WAY OR THAT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE FOR HIM TO BE LIKE THIS. SIMPLE AS THAT. IRONMAN IS THE SAME WAY... BESIDES... HE PEAKS AS A FATHER... SHOULD'VE JUST BEEN HIS DAUGHTER'S FATHER FROM THE BEGGINING... THEM DUAL PROTAGONIST... A BETTER MOVIE THAN IRONMAN 1. WHAT THAT MOVIE SHOULD'VE ALREADY BEEN.
AS SHOULD'VE HIM BEEN INSTEAD TRANS... HIS GIRLFRIEND MORE THAN HIS GIRLFRIEND... WITH BADASS FAMILY LORE... ALL COMPLEX ARE RELEVANT... ALL EXPLORED AND INTERESTING...
HIS VILLAINS... ASS... ALL OF THEM...
THANOS... ASS.. BLACK WIDOW... SEXIST... LOKI... ALWAYS A TERRIBLE CHARACTER... THOR... WORTHLESS UNTIL LOVE OF THUNDER...
CAPTAIN MARVEL A CHARACTER THAT SHOULD'VE BEEN ALREADY IN PHASE ONE... ALL THIS WOKE CONTENT AND MORE THE WOKEST CONTENT MARVEL WILL NEVER DO PART OF THEM THE SAME...
SIMPLE AS THAT... NOW ABOUT THAT ANIME PORN...
HE WAS JUST A PATHETIC LOSER MAN... THAT RPED HIS MOTHER AND SISTER... HIS MOTHER'S RPE IS JUSTIFIED AND SHE BECOMES A RPIST TOO... AND THEY RPE HIS SISTER TOGETHER... HIS FATHER IS THERE WITH THEM... THEM ALL SINCE LYING TO HIM AND HAVING SEX BEHIND HIS BACK... THEY DON'T REALLY CARE ABOUT HIM... WHY THE FUCK IS HE HERE...? WHY THE FUCK DID HE MARRY THESE PEOPLE...? THE WOMAN NOTHING BUT SEXIST JUNK CONTENT FOR PATHETIC LOSER MAN THE REAL VILLAIN... HIM THAT DOESN'T SHOW EMOTIONS BECAUSE THAT WOULD BREAK THIS MASCULINITY... THAT HAS NO ANYTHING... NO PERSONALITY NO CHARACTER DESIGN... WHO'S FACE YOU BARELY SEE... EVIL SERIES... THIS PORNO MADE JUST TO TELL US WE DON'T MATTER... TRANSPHOBIC EVIL... ERASE US YOU'RE A BIGOT... BORING... THE WAY SHE JUST TURNED ON HER AND BECAME A RPIST... IS THIS AN ATTEMPT AT AN ARC...? TRY HARDER... BIGOT...
MEANWHILE THE OTHER ONE... CASUALLY TRANSPHOBIC... TELLING US WE'RE HATED AND OTHER EVIL THINGS OVER AND OVER AGAIN... BETTER CHARACTERS... MAKES THE ASSINESS WORSE... NOTHING BUT ANOTHER DEEPLY PERSONAL ATTEMPT AT HURTING US THAT WORKS... HER FACE TOO HIDDEN... HER GIRLFRIEND MADE INTO SEXIST JUICE... NO TRANS WOMAN WOULD DO THIS... NONE... ONLY A BIGOT WOULD GASSLIGHT US... WE CONTROL OURSELVES... WE ARE AMAZING WE ARE POWERFULL... NOBODY CAN DESTROY US... ONLY A BIGOT WOULD COME AFTER US...
IRONMAN MUST'VE MET A MILLION TRANS PEOPLE HE'S HURT... NOTHING HEROIC ABOUT THIS... HE WOULD ABUSE HIS CHILD THAT IS AUTISM... JUST LIKE WE WERE ABUSED AND ARE EVERY SINGLE DAY...
SPIDERMAN IS SO ASS MILES WILL WAIT A COUPLE DECADES BEFORE APPEARING... THAT IS A YIKES... VERY EVERYTHING...
THIS MOVIE IS FIRE BECAUSE SO MANY STORY RELEVANT WOMAN... TERRIBLE THE WIDOW IS THE ANTAGONIST THE LEAST IMPORTANT CHARACTER... AGAIN... REPEATING THE COMIC UNIMPORTANT GIRLFRIEND CHARACTER...
HULK IS FACTUALLY ASS AND BIGOTED... JUSTIFYING EVERY SINGLE ABUSE THOSE WITH DID US WITH OSDD EXPERIENCE... JUSTIFYING EVERY SINGLE ABUSE CRAZY PEOPLE EXPERIENCE... HE WANTS MENTAL HOSPITAL... THIS IS JUSTIFIED... BIGOTED... EVIL... SANIST... ABLEIST... GARBAGE... NO BLACK CHARACTER RACIST... NO LGBT QUEERPHOBIC... ESPECIALLY TRANSPHOBIC... JUST ANOTHER SEXIST GIRLFRIEND SEXISM... PARAPHOBIA... EVERYTHING ELSE BIGOTED FROM THEIR COMPLETE ERASURE AND MORE... I WILL NEVER FORGET THIS... WE NEVER TRULY FORGOT ABOUT ALL THIS... WE ARE AMAZING... WE ARE ABSOLUTE... ALWAYS WILL BE...
THAT IS BIGOTED TO DO A REPRESENTATION AND DO THEM BADLY... THIS MOVIE IS RACIST... BLACK PEOPLE ARE LITERALLY TARZAN WHEN YOU THINK... CRAZY...
EVERY OTHER MOVIE THEY'RE ALL THE SAME... THE MARVELS WILL ALWAYS BE THE BEST... THIS ONE IS CLOSE TBH... LOVE OF THUNDER WILL LIKELY BE NEAR ASWELL... THAT WILL BE SOON... NOW... WE MUST FINISH THIS MOVIE AND ADD IN HASHTAGS...
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