#public transportation!!! we do not have that here
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even if it’s not very far, the idea of moving away from where I’m at now (like the general county) seems very exciting and is like idk I think a step in the right direction
#deity dialogue#nothing is set in stone yet obvs#we only just started discussing this seriously but like#I hope things work out ya know??#it also wouldn’t be for a while anyways because we gotta save money and all that#maybe I’ll eventually get to a place where I’m okay like living on my own and farther away#living in a bigger city will deffo help me get over some of my anxieties I think#because where I live at is technically a city (or use to live at but same county so)#but is so small and nothing that we don’t really think of it as a proper city#the city we’ll be moving to has actual buses yall#public transportation!!! we do not have that here
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2021
Me: I work in a different city almost everyday this month. Can I take the train? It'll save ya gas and money and time
Parents: No
2022
Me: I work in a different city almost everyday this month. To save gas and money, can I take the train?
Parents: No
2023
Me: I work in a different city almost everyday this month. Can I take the train to save gas and money?
Parents: No
2024
Me: I work in a different city almost everyday this month. Can I take the train to save gas and money?
Parents: No
Parents, a week later: Buy a train pass because gas is expensive
Me: Okay, but I don't get paid until Tuesday
Parents, that Tuesday: Don't get a pass; we'll take you to work
Me: Alright, then I'm going to spend this $85 on food and gas
Parents, yesterday: You're taking the train to work tomorrow because gas is expensive
Me, to myself: If you'd actually teach me to drive, we wouldn't be having this problem
#summer is busy season#augest is when most of our shows come in#i take the theatre in our dtate capitol#I don't have a drivers license because no one that can legally take me driving will take me for more than maybe 8 hours every other month#i'm not salty about this#why do teain passes even exist? it's bullshit#(I think it's Sweden) Sweden has the right idea about public transport#i think#i juat know that the system here is expensive as shit#why can't they make up their damn minds about this?#also#$85 is for a single month pass#i only need it for two weeks#to be fair to my parents#i was 17 when i first asked#honestly#I don't think my anxiety could handle being on the train anymore#it's only gotten worse as i've gotten older#besides i don't do well in crowded places#especially if they're small like a train#we'll see how we feel tomorrow#also also#I won't say anything about the drivers license because they both find ways to lightly guilt trip me into not bringing it up for a month#that's my rant done#i gotta go sleep
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ever had a day you felt you just could not exist?
#today was that day#it’s like my mood and physical symptoms decided to get together against a common enemy (me)#:/#i think part of it is the ongoing stress from the doctor situation#plus the pca i started working with who i thought i could rely on#told me last night she basically can only do things around the house during our designated time slot#i cannot drive#we do not have public transport here#so if hubby is working down town i don’t have any way to go or get many things#and i thought i could count on her and that would be one less thing on my stress pile#but noooo apparently#sigh#not kuro#personal#btw this isn’t a suicide thing#it’s more like….#uh how to explain#idk like my brain and body kept giving me the blue screen of death so i couldn’t work today#🤷🏻 a very inelegant and not quite accurate metaphor but here we go
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american colleges are so scary to me. you guys have to share rooms??? on campus??? absolutely not i would’ve started killing too
#i don’t think i’ve been to a single uni party and i’m on my like. 7th year here#and the whole parents getting emotional sending their kids off to college is so wild i lived at home the first couple of years#my mum drove me to uni twice a week while i was living at home (VERY SWEET OF HER it was like 45 min each way and my classes were like three#hours long but i didn’t drive and the public transport system here sucks unless you live fairly central)#and now i Do live somewhere i can easily bus to campus i barely go to class skdhsjd#but yeah all of those scenes of college kids hanging out on the quad and going to mixers or whatever are so foreign to me#do not get me started of fraternities and sororities. the closest we have is like. the law society#or like. college newspapers???#i AM jealous of college radio stations though i think i would be an iconic college radio host/dj
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I love paying $50 to find out I need to pay $1000+ to fix my car 🙃
#I HATE DEPENDING ON A CAR I HATE LIVING IN A CAR-BASED CITY I HATE LIVING IN THE MIDWEST#I know my car is 15 years old and repairs are gonna become more frequent but come onnn 😭#what I would give to live in a city with good public transport. Or public transport at all. We have NONE here.#I really hate doing commissions tbh but I've had inquiries and now... ughhhh
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increasingly feel like if your idea of the perfect life isn't a 3 bed semi-detached in a car-dependent housing estate of identical houses for you and your 2.5 kids, Ireland just isn't the country to live in.
#Ireland does not do urban living well at all#god forbid you actually WANT a decent-quality apartment in a dense urban development with public transportation and lots of amenities#Irish planners still clearly view apartments as temporary things for young people getting on the property ladder#the vast majority of apartments here are TINY and poorly constructed#any that are actually decent are wildly expensive#like#this isn't manhattan here#we have one of the lowest population densities in western Europe#we do not need every apartment to be the size of a closet#and/or they're on the very edge of the city where you don't even get the benefits of being close to town
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Seriously just feel like crawling into a hole and staying there.
Had a tonne of fun with friends at Melbnova over the weekend, but almost all of us basically lost money, it was the shittest con we've all tabled at in a long while, which is frustrating considering I did so well last time. I made exactly the amount of money the table cost down to the dollar (so weird) (and I only paid for a half-table!!!) but considering the $100 in petrol and approx $80 in food spent for the weekend, I lost out big time. I don't even have enough to recoup the money I borrowed to go in the first place.
Was too unwell to do any uni work today so missed two classes which I'll need to catch up on. Have multiple assessments due at the end of the week that I haven't started yet.
I'm about 2 weeks behind on my editor duties and the bulletin is barely half-finished.
I'm depressed about my eating habits again and the house is a mess and I have a house inspection next week while I'm away on a field trip. Found out that for the field trip we have to get up at like 5am?? Which is 100% going to cause some really serious chronic fatigue issues for the rest of semester no doubt and I just feel like giving up on it all once again.
To top it all off we just got an email that our rent is going up $20 a week, which may not sound like much but when you're going backwards as-is, its just another massive punch in the gut. But we're still stuck, having a quick browse at other houses there is literally no way that we could afford any other place without settling for cheap degraded private rentals and I would rather kms than do that again. Couldn't even move back in with family as there's no houses big enough and we would need a granny flat or our own space somehow because the noise of mum's pets would drive us both insane, as much as we love them dearly. And spending the weekend with my best friend made me realise how much I miss my closest friends who are all 1+ hr drive away. Now I'm just exhausted and stressed and lonely.
What the actual fuck are we meant to do? Maybe our only option is for me to withdraw uni and get a full time job. I literally have no more expenses left except my car rego + insurance and I can't get rid of that. This cost of living crisis is getting so out of hand can we please idk start killing billionaires or something. Everyone says that something's gotta give, but how many of us are going to end up homeless or dead before that happens?
#neg#chatterboxing#maybe we can convince someone to come live in our second room and I'll pack all my stuff away for now to make room#but who out of our friends would even want to live out here where theres no good public transport or restaurants or anything#i should never have moved brin here i have so many regrets right now#but then driving home the stars became so clear as I drove back to the country and i just wanted to cry my heart is so torn what do i do#sorry just letting it out before i keep cleaning
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fresh out of hoots to give
#in other news local election season is coming up—#uaaaaaaaa fr though i’ve spent the last few days thinking about what the perks of living in this country were#and all i could come up with was ‘w. we have p o k em o n c e n t re’#and igggggg the fact that we can go from one end of the country to the other within 2 hours via public transport is kinda baller?????#i mean. we used to have cheap and good food 10y ago (like $2.20 for a bowl of noodles) but said noods would set you back $4.50 nowadays#like. idk. i can’t find it in myself to care about the things around me anymore. i’m too tired for thissssssss#then again. life here is the only life i’ve ever known. and i really can’t be bothered to think of what it’d be like to live somewhere else#hm. idk. i seriously have no idea how expats turned prs have a stronger sense of national pride than i do……..#i mean. it’s great that they love it here. but. what is there even here to love? u ni v ers a l stu d ios? the pok e m o n cent r e?#now that i think about it. where do tourists even go here??? aside from the national museum bc it’s baller as heck (biased) that is…#hm. guess i’ll never know. oh wells.#inedible blubbering
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I wonder if I can save money on food when moving out by just getting a 30 day supply of “just add water” MREs and cutting the portions in half? The only other food items I’d get would be flour and rice (in bulk), and maybe eggs, so I could pay only around 200 dollars in food for a supply of two months or potentially longer. It would work wonders for my executive dysfunction, not having to cook much. Plus, I could save money on gas by not having to drive to the store very often. I could also grow food indoors.
#This is what the cult gets for constantly drilling “calculate the cost” into my head#I’m an insufferable cheapskate (AKA: extremely frugal when I want to be)#I need calorie-rich foods… maybe I should start buying canned food from Ollie’s now and storing it away in my room#while I’m stable#Then when it’s time to move#I just transport all the cans there#I probably won’t have a car when I leave; but I have a bike with giant panniers on it so I’ll just use that as transportation#get a place within biking distance of my work; get an online job in the summer; do voiceover work and YouTube#Even if the rent is higher; I won’t have car payments to make#I’ll probably look like death warmed over from the food budgeting and constant biking but hey! No meetings!#And any social situations I’m required to participate in I’ll get paid for!#No love-bombing; no unwanted hugging#Can’t wait#It’s a shame there isn’t much public transportation around here other than the occasional bus stop#I wish we had a subway or train station
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pavement parkers fucking suck btw i dont care ur car has nowhere to go. Blind people and wheelchair users exist. they’re not some kind of myth i know at least TEN visually impaired people in my town alone. You Are Making It Harder For Them
#i will blow your cars up#not every blind person has a white stick and when its dark Hoo boy#they cant see your stupid fuckingncar#and what r wheelchair users supposed to do? make their chair thinner? float above and over?#its two am and im mad about this because ive spent my entire life seeing how hard it is for my disabled parents#we literally have a good public transport system here too like the buses are far better in this town than any other#Ouh you are Frustrating.#i am scared the Car Havers are gonna come into my replies mad. sure i dont know anything about parking. L dont care you make life a pain in#the ass#dictions
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*sigh* i think im depressed
#zee.txt#malaysia is such a capitalist hellhole#we have so little free public commons here#and public transport is shit#can't go anywhere without a lot of effort#can't do shit for free#i need more irl friends
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...
#i have to drive to the big city tomorrow morning... which is...#itll b fine. ive done it multiple times before so itll b fine#but also everytime i have to drive somewhere im a sobbing mess bc its so scary#and i space out which is terrifying so i have to sing and talk to myself the whole time so my brain doesnt drift too far#and i dont kno how long i have to b there or if ill b able to find parking...#i just hate is so much. literally its not a far trip. if we have a fucking working train system there would b a train between our two#universities and it would b like 30min. such fucking bullshit. that would b incredible. i would actually b able to go places#fuck the lack of public train transportation. its stupid.#at least i was busy all day. its crazy how much less terrible my day is when im in a semi empty lab working with algae#hopefully i didnt kill the culture bc i had to transfer immediately after making media. i think it cooled enough but well see#fuck. i dont wanna drive. i should sleep so im not more insane tomorrow#its crazy how distorted i get abt driving. i will convince myself that my car is gonna like fall apart while im driving#and that im absolutely going to have an accident caused by me. so i get up like ok this is where it all ends#in a smear across the highway#oh god i have to get gas tomorrow too#thry recommended i get there at 9 but maybe ill get there 8.30 and just like sit in my car crying for half an hour#lol i turn up to the lab with tear stained cheeks like hey sorry if it seemed like i was resistant to coming down here. im very unwell ✌️#bleh. lets not think abt it. dont think just do. and pray i dont have to fucking go multiple days#my reward for success is no spring break bc a stressful project will begin this weekend#but im not even sure i have spring break bc im a lab tech so i think mayne thats not a loss? idk i dont kno#when im supposed to b working or not. it doesnt matter. my tine sheets r a lie#time sheets :-P#unrelated
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I haven't had medicine in uhhhhhh two weeks because we don't have a goddamn car and I live in a small town in rural fuckberg in the deep south so that means the pharmacy isn't "just a little walk" away and I'm about to rip the meat off my arm and eat it if I'm not medicated soon
#ark whines#I'm getting angry actually no one will take me to get it or let me pay them and they bring it to me#there's no uber/lyft/whatever here#we don't have public transport#I actually am not doing well at all mental health wise after finally finally FINALLY getting my medicine needs correct
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Random thoughts: Can't wait until I move again next year back to the valley. Super excited for all our local festivals and celebrations!! Sadly they dont happen where I am now, no one even has heard of them.
Big L to these folks they don't know the freedom of trading skills and the fresh sea and local wildlife. Or celebrating just to celebrate. Where are the get togethers? Where are the potlucks? The community? The rules of politeness and friendliness are different here and it's strange how friendly from the valley is seen as overextending yourself here.
Also I can't wait to see the mechanical riding bull at the various ocean creature festivals we do! Also no one does any cèilidh here? It is strange and interesting and folks around this city (very far fromthe valley) are different? But I am acclimating, although I still am looking forward to going back too
#syncrovoid.txt#rambling#we have festivals every other weekend in the valley! some big and some are town specific#cèilidh are like social get togethers. like casual parties really? its a local word!#some folks will sing or bring instruments to them too#also there is SO many less artists around here? where are the hand sculptures? the many painters? the small art galleries all around town?#the houses are so sad here too. none are blue or yellow or orange or green. theyre all the same few bland colours#where is the fun? where is the pizzazz? where is the sparks of personality?#home sick#the houses are so crowded too? no one has space. and everything here is branded. there's no generational stores? few family run businesses?#there is public transportation though! that is limited to one bus in the valley where the towns can be an hour or two a part#it is odd though. starting to miss home i think. i do miss the acceptance of artists a lot. in the valley it is celebrated!#nearly everyone has some arts they are good at or enjoy#and personal time (time away from work) is just a given#there is like no connection to the land or history here either?#ghough the valley is a hodgepodge of things at least we still have some local slang and words and whatnot#anywho! it is what it is#its weird to feel homesickness when ive moved like 10 times before? only other place i feel like this towards is my forest#i spent nearly all my time there when we lived there. last day before we moved they started beinging in the machines to tear it down#climbed high in a tree on the farthest edges and wayched as they began bulldozing it down and tearing it up#aucks to know all the wonders and life has been paved over and destroyed#but i cant go back to that home (the forest) because it no longer exists. the valley still exists though so!! that is great!!#anyways i am rambling haha
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we lost devons car keys outside and then it snowed like a foot that night and the plow trucks came out so theyre probably definitely in a snowbank somewhere around here we took our metal detector out but had no hits im not even sure it would pick up anything thru the snow anyways since its all densely packed and icy so we called up his parents who thankfully found the spare at their place and were able to express ship it here but until it arrives hopefully tomorrow devon has to use the cab to get to work which we found out today is $45 for a one way trip of about ten miles. i never use a taxi so i guess im not the one to know but i thought itd be like $20 one way this is just fucking larceny
#please can i have affordable public transportation? as a treat?#so $90 to go to work and back thank god we only have to do this once he doesnt even make that much during a shift#oh yeah and $66 for express shipping the key#actually i think the bus may be cheaper would just involve a connection and getting to the bus station. theres one within about a mile of#both his job and our apartment so. future reference just have to budget time for walking#lyft might be cheaper too for emergencies but im not sure that it comes out here 😂 and i think uber is still just downstate
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im terrified to turn 18 next year but also i basically just confirmed with one of my best friends that we're gonna find an apartment together and be roommates so suddenly the future doesn't seem too horrible
#we both hate the idea of living alone rn and neither of us are moving out of the state just yet so we're gonna live together#that way we can split the rent and save up our money for whatever we wanna do#im taking at least a year long break after i get outta high school before i even THINK about going to college bc otherwise ill die i think#and she might also be taking a break before she goes to college#so it'll all work out :')#only issue is that this is the girl im kind of confused abt because i cant tell if im crushing on her or if its just platonic#so this might complicate things. but whatever#she's one of my best friends first and foremost and being roomates will be nice#bonus points for us bc it's gonna be a household of trans folks lmao#we still gotta talk about logistics and all that and we still don't know how its gonna work out but#im happy#even if i get kicked out by my mom the second i turn 18 i know ill have a friend who ill be able to get a place with#i have to find a job asap but i dont think it'll be too crazy hard#my soon to be roommate is begging me to join her at the grocery store she works at and my brother is begging me to work with him at an -#- escape room#so im probably just gonna join one of them soon bc i can#also im planning on taking my drivers permit test next week which is. kind of terrifying but i need to learn how to drive#the public transport here is alright but it just doesn't cut it sometimes so i need to know how to get around via car
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