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#put too much thought behind the color choices here because im a crazy person
rassebers · 1 year
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Get shigeo'd idiot
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eclectickss · 3 years
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PGATW Part 3
Wanda Maximoff x Natasha Romanoff x OC (fem!reader)
Summary: The avengers take a vacation to a private island rental off of the Georgia coast! You now have an opportunity to spend time with your new family, especially Wanda and Natasha.
Word Count: 2.5K
Check out my main post for links to the rest of the parts. Two parts in one day cause why not.
Fifteen minutes past the hour mark, everyone was finally in the common area. You had your large, musty green duffle bag and your dinosaur backpack ready to go at your feet, as well as your apple juice and chocolate croissant in hand. Natasha and Wanda rolled their eyes at you when they walked in and saw your breakfast choices, but you just laughed.
They both shared one big black duffle bag, as well as their own backpacks. Nat had black jean shorts and a tight red top, while Wanda had on black sweats and a white sweatshirt. You had on black cargo pants with a black spaghetti strap top so that your dino pack didn't clash with your outfit. That was very important to you.
While you were focused on your croissant, Wanda leans down over you behind the couch. "You were looking really hot until I noticed that kids pack you have there, Talia."
You turned to her, offended that she criticized your friend. "His name is Pablo, Wanda."
"No, don't worry," she smiled and returned to whisper next to your ear. "It's just cute now." You grumbled in response, even though you liked the endearment. You turn to offer a bad comeback to the Sokovian, but Tony beats you to any talking.
"Alright, Avengers. I guess you might like to know where this island is, but seeing as we're 15 minutes late, I don't care. There's a bus in the garage to take us to the upstate campus to get our flight out of here. Get there." Everyone was slightly surprised to see how organized Tony was, but nonetheless they all headed to the elevator. "Suitcases under the bus unless they're carry ons! And no teleporting, Talia!"
Without a second thought, you turned immediately to Peter.
"BUS BUDDIES!" The two of you ran to hug before a voice stopped you.
"Actually, I was hoping I could sit with Peter," Natasha said as the large group waited for the even larger elevator, most people not really paying attention to the conversation. You looked at Natasha and Wanda who both acted like everything was normal, and then at Peter who clearly had no idea what was going on.
"Uh... ok?" You were confused, but Nat looked rather confident in herself, so you didn't fight it.
"Just for the bus ride, Talia." She added, everyone now stepping into the elevator. "You can have him back after. I just wanna get to know him a bit since we didn't spend too much time together during the SRP." She smiled.
"No- yeah that's totally cool. "I guess that leaves me with Wanda, then?" You looked at the Sokovian.
"I would love to sit with you, Talia." Your cheeks tinged at the accent again as you returned a warm look to the Avenger.
Finally, after enough struggle, the bus was pulling out of the tower garage and onto the open streets of the city. You requested a window seat, which Wanda happily gave, but Peter and Natasha were too far in the back for you two to converse with.
"Why did Nat want to sit with Peter so bad?" You begin.
"To be honest with you Talia, I actually suggested that Natasha sit with Peter. I think it would be better for the details to be re-told through him, though. Sorry if you don't like secrets, and I can tell you now, I just think there is a better way to approach the topic, and that is through him." She sighed, and you tried your best to understand.
"Alright I guess. I mean I trust you... so I will leave it at that. The drive isn't that bad anyways."
"I admire the way you think, Talia." The accent makes your toes curl again, and the Sokovian pauses. "You like it when I say your name, don't you?" You turn to meet eyes, face red. "Talia?" Your stomach turns and all you can do is hum in response. "Admit that you like it."
"Shut up."
"Ok." Wanda closes her mouth and faces the front of the bus.
"Wait- no- i didn't mean stop talking..."
She raises an eyebrow.
"I just- i meant stop teasing me."
Wanda laughed. "There's nothing wrong with liking my accent, Talia. It's cute." You smile.
"Thanks... I think." You blush.
"Alright so..." She starts a new conversation. "Tell me about yourself." This catches you off guard.
"Huh?" You scrunch up your face and Wanda laughs.
"C'mon, Talia! Tell me about yourself! I already know that you love dinosaurs and that you think black coffee drinkers are alien... and I know that you are bold, yet shy when it comes to those you care about. I can't confidently say anything else, so tell me about yourself." She makes eye contact with you and you both blush.
The prompt makes you think.
"Well, I'll start by touching up on a few of those. I do love dinosaurs, but I don't think that black coffee drinkers are alien. I know that they are alien." Wanda rolls her eyes. "And I'm shy because feelings aren't my forte. Im scared to lose people, but once I open up to them and I know they're gonna stick around... all hell breaks loose." The Sokovian laughs, and you begin to treasure that sound.
"Alright, so what else." She gave all of her attention to you.
You short-circuited, so you started listing random things.
"Well my favorite color is black, but secretly it's pink. I love a good sunset, but I like sun rises more cause not as many people see them, and it feels more intimate. Besides sunrises, I normally don't wake up too early, but more when my body wakes up. I hate sleeping in past 10:00 though, cause by then, you've already wasted a half of a day, unless you're spending that morning with someone else. I really like-"
"Are you saying you would want to sleep in with Nat and me?" She smirked.
All you can respond with is a grin before slowly returning to the conversation.
"I love big hugs and back scratches, and I like it when people play with my hair. I do value my personal space, though, so my alone time is important." Wanda nodded, happy to be learning so much about you. You slowed down your thoughts even more. "I-" You paused. "And the most important values that I seek in people, including myself, are honesty and empathy." You locked eyes with Wanda. "Above everything." She slowly reached to tuck a lose piece of hair behind your ear.
"Is that all you want to share?" She nearly whispered, stealing a glance or two at your lips.
"For now..." you replied at the same volume before glancing around the bus to see if anyone was paying attention to you. When you decided that you were in the clear, you sat back down in your seat and pulled Wanda over to you to give her a slow, soft kiss. The two of you felt like kids again, hiding from the adults as you made out in the seats of the bus.
Meanwhile, in the back of the vehicle, Natasha finally started talking to Peter.
"So Peter," She started, a small smirk on her face. Everyone who was someone could tell how nervous he was to have Natasha Romanoff happily sitting next to him. He gulped as he awkwardly closed the laptop and turned to face the assassin.
"Yeah, Nat? What-What's up?" He tried to sneak a glance at you, but since both of you had window seats, he couldn't see.
"I wanted to talk to you about Talia."
"Uhm, ok... yeah what about?"
"Well, I'm sure she told you already about Wanda and me." He nodded, so Nat continued. "I know you two are very close, and I am genuinely happy for you... both Wanda and I. I'm happy that you have a friend on this team finally." She paused and he nodded. "But we were hoping that we could steal Talia for the vacation. Or at least spend some time with her. It's just hard since i'm on missions so often and Wanda is constantly training and busy running the SRP, so these next two weeks are a rare opportunity for the two of us, and we both really want to spend that time getting to know Talia before our lives get crazy again." She finished, honestly a little nervous to be asking Peter for permission. There wasn't much of a break in the conversation, though.
"Actually... yeah. That's..... kind of what I hoped would happen."
Natasha tilted her head in question.
"Mr. Stark already talked to me about it."
The assassin's eyes widened.
"No! Not- not about the relationship. About the two weeks. Uhh... he actually told me that he wanted to spend the time with me to teach me some stuff." He thinned his lips.
"Oh... ok. What about Pepper?"
"She's excited for some alone time, supposedly."
"Ok, then... that works out perfectly." Nat, a little surprised that the conversation went so well, sat back in her seat to face the front. Only a few minutes went by before Peter spoke again, though.
"I didn't know Wanda ran the SRP."
Natasha raised an eyebrow, happy to be getting closer to Peter. She wanted to be a part of your life and accepted into it as much as possible. "Yeah. She and Pietro started it after Ultron. They felt it was their duty to help whoever they put in harm's way. They're a non-profit that get donations from global organizations including SHIELD to aid in the re-stabilization of Sokovia and many other places that we fucked up." Her voice nearly cut off at the end as her throat thickened a little, but she held it together.
"That's awesome, Natasha."
"Yeah, it is, right? Wanda is incredibly selfless and caring, and she amazes me every day."
"She's lucky to have you and Talia."
That caught Nat completely off guard. "Thank you, Peter. I mean it." He smiled, but took a deep breath before asking another question.
"Hey, Nat,"
"Yeah Peter?"
"Do you think Wanda would mind if I interviewed her for a school project? My leadership class at the university is going to have a big non-profit study when we return to school in the fall and we're supposed to find a non-profit to create a fundraising event for, and I think it would be really cool if I could do it for the SRP. The goal is to build leadership skills through organizing and meeting people to talk to, and I think I would like to work with her."
Nat thought it over for a moment.
"Peter,"
"Yeah Nat?"
"I think she would love that."
"Really! Awesome." He smiled, wanting to hug the redhead, but not knowing if they were that close yet.
"In fact, I think you should go ask her right now."
"Oh... now?"
"No time like the present, Peter."
"Uh... ok. You're right." He hopped over Natasha and into the isle of the motor coach. "Could you hand me my computer?" Natasha smiled as she reached into his bag.
"Tell Talia to get her cute ass back here."
He blushed with slight embarrassment. "...right." Natasha watched as he walked towards the front of the bus with ease, stopping at one of the seats near the end of the isle.
"Hey, Talia," You had your head rested on Wanda's shoulder when you heard Peter behind you. Sitting up, you see he has his computer with him, leaving you confused.
"What's up, Web Kid?" You rubbed your eyes, the Sokovian looking just as confused as you were.
"I was wondering if you could switch with me for a bit. I actually wanted to talk to Wanda about something." Now you we're definitely confused.
"I don't know anything about this, I promise." Wanda turned to you.
"Uhh... sure..." You hopped over her legs. "Have at it, I guess." With many questions remaining, you grabbed your dino pack and headed to the back.
"Hey Natasha." You smiled as you swung over into Peter's old seat. "So why did Peter kick me out? Not that I'm unhappy to be here, I'm just confused. It's not about that thing that Wanda wouldn't tell me about, right?" Natasha giggled.
"No, Peter actually wanted to ask Wanda if he could work with her for his leadership class at the university."
"Oh, his big project! He was so worried about finding a non-profit, and I totally forgot that Wanda co-headed the operation! I think they're actually going to get along really well, Nat. I'm excited to hear about it later. And you should come to the fundraising event whenever it happens! I know he would love to see you there."
"Ok..." Natasha stares at you sweetly.
"What?" You jokingly punch her arm. "Why are you looking at me like that?"
"Nothing... it's just... you care a lot. Seeing other people happy makes you happy, and you're passionate for the ones you love. You have a good heart, Talia."
You stare at her, not knowing how to respond to her words.
"So," Natasha fills the silence again. "What did you and Wanda talk about over there?"
Without even coming up with an answer to her question, you pulled her into a rough kiss before the conversation could change. Natasha seem surprised at first, but eased up shortly after. You softened up too, kissing her slowly once before pulling away.
"What was that for?" She blushed, looking down into her lap.
"What you said... it was kind. Thank you."
"Yeah well don't get used to it. I'm not normally that mushy."
"No, I bet you are." You giggled and poked her side. "No, I bet you like it, too. I bet you like being called cute and I bet the pet name 'baby' makes you weak." Natasha glares at you, cheeks red. She hasn't told you to stop yet though, so you decide to take it up a notch, leaning over to whisper in her ear. "I bet you like being topped and willingly giving the lead over to someone else for a change... that you like not being the one in charge for once." She shivered, and you smirked. Slowly, though, Natasha turned her own head to put her lips up to your own ear.
"Well I bet you like it when i'm in charge, Talia. I bet you like being called 'good girl' and I bet you dream about taking orders from me and Wanda. Kiss me, Talia. Touch me. Run your fingers through my cunt, Talia. Fuck me, Talia." Your entire soul shut down, not knowing how to respond to that. Your eyes somehow meet, and your face burns. She was right... I did like that.
"It seems I've forgotten already," she continues, returning to a normal volume, "but what was it you said you talked about with Wanda?"
Thank the gods the drive was almost over.
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Part 4
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Summary: Soulmates have different ways of being connected to one another. Sometimes it’s through being able to write on their arms and having it show up on their soulmates. For others it was having their first words spoken to one another permanently tattooed into their skin. You had a unique connection with yours, one that you really hadn’t ever heard of happening before. Whatever song was stuck in your soulmate’s head was also stuck in yours and the same was for them. When Yoongi realizes one of his songs is playing on repeat in your head, he immediately takes to writing songs to communicate with you in hopes it will finally bring you two together.
Genre: Fluff. Just pure tooth rotting, sweet fluff.
Part 1      Part 2      Part 3     Part 5
Yoongi only slept for a few hours before he woke up and immediately started working on a new song for you. This one he wanted to make more light hearted and fun. And to do that he was going to bring up your questionable taste in music and how it was absolute torture some days listening to the songs that were stuck in your head. He laughs to himself as he writes the lyrics and picks an upbeat melody to include with it, hoping you know that this song was meant to be teasing and he wasn’t actually mad at you. As he is writing a song enters his head, letting him know that you must be awake. But he is not too thrilled with your choice this time. 
“Into the unknown? Really?” He sighs but can’t hide the fond smile that spreads across his face. “I’m a little offended you aren’t listening to my song but I mean hey, to each their own.” 
“Who are you talking to hyung?” Yoongi jumps and spins around in his chair to see Taehyung standing behind him. 
“Tae? What are you doing?”
“I came to make sure you had actually gone to sleep but I should have known.”
“Hey, I’ll have you know I slept for a solid 4 hours thank you very much.” Taehyung attempts to stifle a giggle as he is supposed to be scolding his hyung but one escapes him. “How’s the song writing going though?”
“It’s going really well. I had no trouble with this one. The songs are just coming naturally to me now.” 
“That’s great. I’m sure your soulmate loves being able to hear your songs and know that you are thinking about them.” 
“Always. I never stop thinking about them to be honest...” Yoongi trails off as if he is considering something.
“Is everything okay?”
“Can I talk to you about something... and don’t tell the other guys yet please?” Taehyung walks further into the studio sitting on the couch and patting the space next to him. Yoongi gets off his chair and sits next to Taehyung. “Yesterday.. I was reading the replies on my new song and this one stood out to me. I don’t know why. But I couldn’t help but feel maybe this person was my soulmate. But another part of me thinks I am just so soulmate deprived that I am trying to see them in everybody.” 
“Can I see the reply?” Yoongi opens up the fake twitter he made and Taehyung bursts out laughing. “Hyung.. your twitter handle. What the hell.” Taehyung continues laughing much to Yoongi’s annoyance. “’I’m not Min Yoongi’. That’s hilarious.” 
“I panicked trying to think of a quick name to talk to them okay?! Stop teasing me and give me my phone back.”
“No no! I’m sorry. I’m sorry, I’ll stop.” Taehyung reads over the reply and furrows his brows. “I mean.. you really have no proof this person is your soulmate. Anyone could have written this comment trying to fool you.” Yoongi sighs.
“That’s what I thought. I knew I was just being crazy. But-”
“Wait a minute I’m not finished. What do you feel, Yoongi? Your gut and your heart will tell you the truth. Do you really feel that this person is your soulmate?”  Yoongi pauses for a moment.. remembering the instant spark he felt when he read your reply and the sense of happiness and calm that washed over him. 
“I do.” 
“Then that’s all you need to know.” Taehyung hands him his phone back with a gentle smile on his face. “But maybe talk to them a little bit more before you jump into this head first. I don’t want to see you end up heartbroken if it turns out this person isn’t your soulmate.” 
“That’s a good idea. Thank you, Tae.” 
“Of course! Now finish up that song and go to bed!” 
“Yes, sir.” 
Taehyung leaves and Yoongi sits back in his chair, putting the finishing touches on his song and posting it to Twitter. He goes to your page and waits to see a reply pop up, and when he does he is not disappointed. 
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“I told you all of those songs you were making me listen to were torturing him! Now look what you did. There is a whole song now dedicated to my ‘colorful taste’ in music. I hate you.” You pick a pillow off the bed and throw it at your friend who is laughing hysterically. 
“At least you made an impression on him! You’re welcome!” 
“I am not thanking you for this.” 
“Aw come on y/n. This song wasn’t meant to be mean! It’s very light hearted and fun. He’s fond of you. You can tell it in the way he raps about you. It might have annoyed him at first but now I think he kind of looks forward to it.” 
“Yeah yeah. Well at least now I can have this song stuck in my head now and not the one from Frozen you were blaring this morning.”
“Hey that is a fantastic song. It’s not my fault you have no taste.” You roll your eyes and go to leave a reply underneath.
Sorry. My friend did that to torture you it wasn’t me, I swear. I’d much rather have your music stuck in my head. 
You post it and get out of bed to get ready for the day when your phone goes off. You check the notifications and see a reply from the same account from yesterday.
“Huh.” 
“What is it?” Your friend walks over to you to see what you’re looking at. 
“This same account replied to me yesterday too..” Suddenly your friend starts laughing.
“‘Im not min yoongi’... That’s totally freaking Yoongi who does he think he’s trying to fool.” 
“What are you talking about? That is not Yoongi!” 
“I bet you my life savings that it is.”
“So.. $10?” 
“Shut up you brat!” Your friend tosses the pillow back at you and you both start laughing. “Think about it y/n. He probably felt drawn to you too and panicked making a fake account just so he could talk to you and see if you really were his soulmate.”
“Well why hasn’t he said anything then?”
“Because he isn’t sure if it really is you. He probably is afraid of getting his heart broken if it turns out you aren’t soulmates.” 
“But we are..” You say with a slight pout.
“We know that y/n. But he doesn’t. He’s taking a shot in the dark here.” 
“You’re right.” 
“What did he say back anyway?” 
“He said ‘lol what songs have you been torturing the poor guy with that he had to write a whole song dedicated to it’.”
“Okay I think this is his way of finding out if you really are his soulmate. If you tell him all of the songs I have been playing for you then he’ll know!” You take a deep breath and reply to him. 
Hollaback Girl, Most of the songs from Frozen, I think even a death metal song once. 
Hahahaha poor guy. Maybe you should give him a little break? Must be hard writing lyrics and producing songs with those playing in his head. 
I have been. Lately it’s been his songs stuck in my head except for the little slip up this morning.
What slip up?
My friend set into the unknown as the alarm to wake us up. 
After that you don’t receive another reply, and opt to go about your day as a means of distraction. 
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Yoongi drops the phone onto his desk. It’s you. After all this time he finally found you. Only his soulmate would know what song they had stuck in Yoongi’s head this morning. Without even realizing it a few tears have begun rolling down his face. They’re tears of happiness, of relief. Finally fate decided to grant him this one kindness and bring you two together. He doesn’t want to just outright ask you to meet him, there is still a nagging doubt in the back of his mind that maybe this is all just some prank, or a delusion. He knows he has to find a way to slip a meeting place and time into his lyrics. And he knows exactly how he wants to do that. It is with this thought in mind that he finally drifts off to sleep. 
The next morning he calls all the members and asks them to come to his studio. They are all now there sitting on the floor and couch looking at him anxiously. 
“I found my soulmate.” They all audibly gasp at this except for Taehyung who already knew. Yoongi wouldn’t have opened up to him before about it if he wasn’t already certain. 
“What?! Yoongi that’s great!” Hoseok exclaims while clapping his hands excitedly. “How did you find them?” Yoongi begins to explain the first interaction you two had, the feelings he felt. But then when he named the solid proof he now had everyone seemed to breathe out a sigh of relief. 
“Yoongi that’s great. Really you know we are all so incredibly happy for you. When do we get to meet them?” Namjoon asks. 
“See that’s the thing. I know I am probably being ridiculous for still having doubts. But before I officially meet them I want to write a song that would include a possible meeting place and time for us. I have an idea. I know it would be much easier to just fly them out here but.. I want to meet them first so I know. So I can be absolutely certain before I dive into this. It wouldn’t be the first time I thought I found my soulmate and it turned out they weren’t.” Namjoon nods in understanding. 
“So what did you have in mind?” 
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You are just about to go to sleep when your phone notifies you that Yoongi has posted yet another song. You open it and bring up the English translation. Your friend stayed the night with you again incase they posted another song, wanting to be there for you and help you figure out the meaning behind everything. You both have it open and are reading the lyrics and you are confused. 
“I don’t understand...” 
“What do you mean?”
“He’s writing these lyrics as if he’s already met his soulmate. He’s talking about how their love flows freely like a river, how they met on a crisp autumn night, how they walked among the cosmos. I... I really thought he was my soulmate but I was just fooling myself.”
“Y/n come on you can’t be that dense.” You tilt your head at your friend in confusion. “He is telling you how he wants to meet you! The first day of autumn is only a few days away. He wants to meet you then.”
“Oh...”
“And the part about the river... Maybe he wants to meet you at one of the Han River Parks.”
“There’s more than one park. How the hell are we supposed to find the one he is talking about? Unless...”
“Unless what?” 
“Cosmos. Those are a type of flowers aren’t they? Is there a specific park that is famous for them?” Your friend quickly turns to the internet to find out. 
“It looks like Guri Hangang Park is famous for the cosmos blooming in September. Many people love to go see the flowers blooming there during that time.” 
“I guess we’re going to Seoul?”
“I guess so.” You take out your phone and reply under the latest song Yoongi has posted.
I’ll see you soon. 
Yoongi reads the words over and over again and his heart is absolutely soaring in his chest. He finally gets to meet you. He was finally able to communicate with his soulmate through his music well enough to be able to meet you. The first day of fall is only a few days away. In just a few days he’s finally going to be able to meet you, his soulmate. The one person he was wanted to meet more than anyone in his life. He’s finally going to be able to hug you, kiss you, hold your hand, take you on dates and just be with you. He clutches a hand over his heart as he feels like it is going to beat out of his chest. 
I’ll be waiting. 
Taglist: @anoesjkaax​​​  @just-call-me-trash-can​ @thestral-balerion​ @xcastielbabyangelface​ @rukinamukami​ @r-e-d-i-s-h​ @heartblackerthancoffee​ @rosita7703​   @jacjacwashere​   @purpletigertaetae​  @woodstockisjustlikealittlekid​  @supernatural-bangtanboys​ 
(for some reason it won’t let me tag some people so if you asked to be added and you’re not on here I’m sorry :( I don’t know what’s up with tumblr.)
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mydearsaddiary · 4 years
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Speakeasy Tonight Neil Season 3 Fanfic
Neil Season 3- Chapter 3
Hello! For those of you who don’t know Im writing a fanfic on how I’d imagine Neil Season 3 to go! This is chapter 3, here’s a link with all the chapters: https://mydearsaddiary.tumblr.com/NeilSeason3Fanfic
Little Curiosity notes: Because this chapter is all about the high society of BAHS-ton, there’s some currency involved! I put the amount in 1926 dollars, in parenthesis I adjusted it according to inflation on how much it’s cost today!
WARNING: LOTS OF ANGST AND DRAMA. LIKE SO MUCH DRAMA.
Chapter 3- Ghosts Are Alive in a Haunted Night
1926
The way to Boston was long. The anticipation built was driving me over the edge. I’ve been around the upper crust of Chicago, but even so most of them seemed like new money. Extravagant women who just got their hands on dough and bought everything they could. The upper crusts I met in Chicago weren’t elegant, they just had money in their hands. Even so I felt like an imposter amongst them.
I had a perception Neil’s family would be different. They were the true high society. Money was in their roots and they’ve never lived without it. For generations and generations I imagined most of them never worked, but increased their riches by letting others do the work for them.
I noticed when Lucille wrote to Neil, she always signed “Lucille Dresner of Boston”. Only the wealthy referred to themselves with their hometown attached to their name like “The Dresners of Boston”. They measured each other by how prominent of a family they were. For the first time I didn’t think of Neil as just Neil. I imagined him as “Cornelius Dresner of Boston” or “Cornelius of the house Dresner from Boston” or some fancy Jane Austen society title I could never imagine myself belonging to.
I knew Neil was living in an apartment in Chicago, living the same economic life as I did right now by choice, but that didn’t change where he was from or who his family was. For the first time I also realized that you could notice the high class in Neil in his personality.
There was just something in him that distanced him from people like Cliff or Vince who’d come from nothing or even me, who came from some but not as much. I thought of the elegancy, the way he never let himself look like a fool, the fact that he was highly educated, enjoyed chess like no other, the fact that it was easy to look at him and respect him. He had the air of being classier than most. He had his troubles and he wasn’t some snob who thinks he is better than everyone, but something in me said I needed to step up to the gentry, who breathed old money and who would judge me as middle class.
I looked down at the dress I chose for the trip. It was a delicate red. I always thought it was a good color on me, but it wasn’t the best dress (or the best shoes) I could be wearing
I looked at Neil who looked so calm he could have no idea of the internal battle that was happening in my mind. However, I felt guilty for struggling so much. Neil hadn’t seen his family in years, they’d probably be talking and paying so much attention to him that they wouldn’t even have time to look at what I was wearing
Nevertheless when we stepped out of the train in Boston I felt trapped. When I first got to Chicago, it seemed like the city was bursting, it was like my world had expanded and there was no seeing its end. In Boston I got a different feeling. The elegancy, tall buildings and the cold air engulfed you in its atmosphere and urged you to climb the social ladder. It seemed to tell you if you didn’t, you were bound to fail
-Hey…-It was the first time I said something in at least half an hour- I’ve been dying to see the fashion stores in Boston. Whaddya say you take me to see one, just to look around the city for a bit before we go?-I held his arm firmly
-Is the calm and steady Miss Granger nervous to meet my parents?- He got back at me from what I said in Columbus
-Alright, alright, this point goes to you!- I giggled nervously more than playful- I am, alright. Nothing calms my nerves better than shopping for a new outfit
-There’s a store nearby Lucille loved when she was younger. Can’t make any promises it’s still open.
-Doesn’t hurt to try!-I followed him around
It took a little while for Neil to remember the exact spot of the store and kept saying “It’s somewhere along this street”. While I followed him I looked around with interest. The city was full of cars and people. Constructions happened all around and every building was glued to the next one. Two words to describe it were: Completely packed. It seemed like the whole New England lived there. People were moved fast like all of them were in a hurry and it contrasted Columbus in a way it did make me feel like I came from the middle of nowhere. Among the cars there was a policemen on horseback flying by, it struck me as one more thing engulfed by the modernization and craziness that I found myself in. Chicago’s population surpassed Boston’s by a lot, but it was funny how I felt lost in that new city in front of me. Maybe I’d gotten used to Chicago so it didn’t seem that big anymore
And I thought I was ready for Boston
-Was Boston always this full?- I walked holding him tightly, afraid I could lose him in the crowd.
-Full of buildings and people? Yeah, it always was. Although before the war there used to be less cars, floor-length dresses and high hats- He pulled me in into a building, inside it was revealed a store as huge as Menken’s- Here it is, still open
The store was cream-colored with eccentric chandeliers around. I could see at least two floors. I never managed to bring Neil shopping with me before, so I might as well enjoy it.
I took a look around at different dresses. Something had gotten to me though. Look at the price of those dresses! I could buy at least ten dresses at Menken’s for the price of some of these!
If it was Lucille’s favorite store, at least before, then of course everything would be expensive. I swear I found a dress that was $300 (~$4300)! You could buy a new car nowadays with that kind of money. However, my expression remained calm. I looked at Neil sometimes but he didn’t even mention anything about the prices. I felt myself in the obligation to act like it was all normal to me
I remembered some conversations me and Neil had in the past: “Act like you’re entitled to the world”, “You positively grow with middle-class respectability”, “You’re not gonna wear sables and diamonds and be rude to the help, are you?”, “They’ll know you’re not one of them. But you’ll never notice when they’re looking down on you, that’s how people in high society treat people like you and Charlie”. I sighed in despair
-What is it? Nothing matches your photoplay dream?-He said sarcastically behind me and I noticed I had been staring at a dress for too long, lost in my own anxiety- I thought you said shopping lifted your spirits.
-Oh, nothing!-I looked at him- I was just thinking about the Ice Box that’s all, I was worried that-
-MC, I know you’re deeply infatuated with your illegal activities, but there’s nothing you can do from Boston
-I know- I let it go, it was just an excuse anyway. I was excited about the vacation and I couldn’t let the whole pressure just make me crumble. I had to prove to Neil that I was able to deal with whatever life threw my way. We were going to work this out together
-Say, why don’t you keep shopping? I’ll wait outside, all this glitter is hurting my eyes
-Alright, yea, I shouldn’t take long- I gave him a quick peck before he went out, I could see him grabbing a cigarette before turning my attention to the dresses
Alright, MC, you need to choose something classy enough but that won’t burn your pockets. Now, where do I find something that’s doesn’t cost more than $15 (~200)? I could spare that, it’s a special occasion.
Wishing I could have some gin in me right this second I went through the embarrassment of asking if they had anything around the price range I wanted. My luck was that there was a dress that was worth $100 (~1450) that was about to be thrown away because the zipper was broken. When I looked at the dress I didn’t understand why they’d throw it in the can.
It was beautiful. It was this pale pink color with a V-neck. The sleeved has the same gold details as the dress, but otherwise it was transparent. The details on the pale pink went down in waves until right below the knees. I smiled at it, it was perfect for the event of meeting Neil’s parents, and I’ve never worn anything like that.
I asked her if I could have it and she shrugged in a manner like she didn’t understand why I was even there. I couldn’t blame her, I didn’t know either. I got the dress for $20 (~280), it was more than I could at the moment, but I was just happy to have found something I could afford and still look ritzy in
Due to the extra money spent I couldn’t really go looking for shoes or accessories, but I wasn’t worried. What I had would work for this.
-Alright!- I caught Neil outside- I’m ready, first impressions are everything! Now I just need somewhere to put this stuff on!
Yes… Like the back of a rental car in a dark alley…
-It’s so convenient nowadays, you know, they started renting cars and everything right- I said huffing and puffing like the big bad wolf in the back seat getting my dress off and the new one on- So you can change in the middle of the road too
-I thought this way we could go places without having to use one of my family’s cars- Neil waited in the driver’s seat
-What’s wrong with your family’s cars, huh? Not ritzy enough for ya?-I put on the dress to realize it didn’t close in the back. Shoot! I forgot to ask what happened to the zipper. Think, think, think!
-It’s the contrary- Neil responded- If I remember well from back then, I always felt like I was in a circus truck, doubt they changed the way they do things- He seemed to hear me struggling- Do you need help back there?
-No! Nope! I am just fine- I said putting a pin on the zipper so this way it wasn’t broken anymore. It closed all the way up! The only thing was the pin showing a little bit on the top, which looked a little tacky, but with all the details in the dress it could be overlooked
-Let’s hurry then, I told them we should be there for lunch. With your little shopping going on, we’re late
-Sorry!- I put on my rhinestone tiara and went through my bag to find my golden pair of heels that matched the details on the dress, then I hurried up to the front seat- I’m ready, let’s scram!
Neil started to drive, I could feel him a little tense as he drove. I put on my hand on his leg squeezing it- Are you excited?
-When I left Boston I was twenty-four. I haven’t been back since
-Neil- I calmed my voice- They’ll be happy to see you, they’ll be thrilled. Especially Lucille, I really can’t wait to meet her. How old is she?
-We’re about ten years apart, she’s the youngest. So she should be about twenty-two right now. Damn…-He went quiet for a few seconds- When I left she was fourteen, now she’s a woman, married and is about to have a baby.
-Oh, little Cornelia- I smiled thinking about it
-Don’t remind me, I still feel for the kid
-Can it, Neil! It’s sweet. I can’t imagine how she must have felt when she got a letter in the mail from you
-I can’t believe I let you convince me to go through with this-He shook his head
-Hey, pal, I didn’t say anything! You wrote the letter to her yourself
Neil smiled, as if there was something in his thoughts he didn’t want to say out loud- I know.
We pulled up to a narrow street full of four stories apartments- I didn’t know they lived in a flat- I said, a little confused. I expected it-
-They’re not flats-Neil responded- They’re houses
My eyes widened looking again at the row of houses with my new perspective. It was pure Boston Brahmin. The houses were glued to one another, only separated by color, each of them were massive once I understood the four stories were for each family. Rows of fancy cars were parked in front of each designated house and U.S. flags stood in front of each one.
Neil parked in front of an elegant brick house, it was full of organized windows and one big wooden door stood right in the middle of the ground floor.
-Is this where you grew up?- I opened the car door on my side
-No, this is just the city house. I’d spend a lot of time here, but usually we’d be down by the estate
-Estate?- I turned to him, wondering if my ears heard right- Your family owns a estate?
-About 15 miles out of the city- He said like it was the most normal thing in the world.
I focused on my breathing not to let myself get too nervous. “Act like I’m entitled to the world” is what I kept playing in my head. I went around to meet Neil and then I noticed his look was distant
-Neil?-I shook him a little bit and he looked down at me, his face was not upset, but the usual mask wasn’t there either- What’s the matter?
He hesitated a little bit. Being back here must be hard. It’s still not easy for him to open up, so I appreciate it even more when he does- That house right there- he pointed. I looked back at the white magnificence across the road, just as beautiful as the one that belonged to Neil’s family. It had a black door instead of a wooden-colored one. No cars were in front of it, so it looked solemn, distant and different from the rest- It’s the Hasting house.
I looked back at him squeezing his hand- Alton…
-Yeah… Alton- He replied
I didn’t know what to say, I never knew what to say when Neil mentioned his past. But he said all he needed me to do was listen. I gave him a kiss on his cheek, hoping to comfort him. I was glad to see it got a smile out of him- Ready?
He breathed profoundly, turning his head back to the wooden door- Yes, I’m ready- He knocked on the door
----
It creaked as it opened, it was like seconds got transformed into hours. Once it was open a servant smiled. Some kind of butler? Gee, this is something else. However that only added to the moment. He positioned himself by the door, looking into an area in front of him I could only imagine it was the living room. He stuffed his chest like it was the most important thing he was going to say in his life to the ones who waited
-Cornelius Dresner is home
I nodded to Neil, letting him walk in first. He took his hat off as he walked, each step seemed to hold anticipation in them. I walked in right after, but staying away from him. I understood this was a precious moment, so my eyes turned to watch instead.
The silence was so expansive you could hear if cotton balls fell on the ground. When Neil stood there, a second set of steps started. My eyes turned to a very visibly pregnant woman, who could be due anytime soon. She had bright icy blue eyes, her blonde bob fell elegantly on her face. She had the posture of a porcelain doll and her face resembled Neil’s.
She stopped right in front of him looking up at his face, like she was examining every detail, her serious face was beautiful in that light. I assumed that was Lucille, the one who never gave up on him. They now held this very serious starting contest, I almost thought no one was going to say anything
-You got old- Her melodic voice let out and Neil burst into laughter at the same time she did. He hugged her carefully but tightly
-And you grew big, in more ways than one- He joked with her but then turned serious- Lucille, I’m sorry…
-Oh, forget that! You’re here now…
Others walked up to them, I counted them in my head and assumed mother, father, Maude and Warren. I let them have their moment. It was so intimate I stepped back not wanting to hear much. It was like Neil had gone off to a war, survived and now was home once more. In a way, that’s what had happened. Neil had won, or at least started to win, his internal battles and now he had made it back there. I smiled watching the scene. He didn’t reserve any smiles and his family seemed to be everything but mad at him. They relented.
I couldn’t help but think how proud I was of him
A few minutes passed, they started pulling him to the living room to “sit, relax and update them on everything that’s been going on”, then he looked at me and stopped them in their tracks
-Wait- He walked over to me and then looked at them. This was the first time they noticed I was there. I didn’t blame them, Neil had all their attention- This is Mary
The older woman, I’m assuming Neil’s mother walked over and I felt the chills down my spine. She had cold eyes but a warm face. You could watch her and feel that she was judging you and it made you wonder if she considered you worthy of her time. She was the image of classiness, the peak of the upper class. She was one of those wealthy people you see walking by and wonder how they must live. She walked like she had books piled up on top of her head. More charm than Vera Peters, that was for sure, but I felt bad that her aura reminded me of the former mayor’s wife. After all, I wanted to attribute her to someone nice
-Of course- She smiled- Miss Granger, right?
-That’s me! - I smiled- It’s a pleasure to meet you ma’am- I was going to say something about how beautiful her house are and introduce myself to the others, but she turned her eyes somewhere else
-Please collect their bags, you can put Neil’s in his room-She said to the servant- And Miss Granger’s bags can take to the spare room downstairs
-Mother- Neil interrupted her- I’d like Mary to stay in the guest room upstairs- He said in an imposing a tone. If there was a guest room upstairs, I got a weird feeling about her asking for me to sleep downstairs in what I could safely assume was an underground floor.
-Fine, yes. Take hers to one of the guest rooms- She said and the servant started moving according to orders
When I turned around, Lucille was walking up to me and Neil. She in turn had kinder eyes, and I could see them a little wet. The pregnancy probably added to the emotion of her beloved brother coming home
-Miss Granger, it’s a pleasure to meet you. My brother spoke highly of you in his letter- I didn’t know whether to pay attention to her eyes or the diamonds she wore
-He must have flattered me too much- I said shyly. She wasn’t much older than me, but she spoke clearly and no slangs were in sight
-I only speak the truth- He said behind me
-I’m sure- she replied- I understand it’s you I must thank for having him write me
-I may have pushed him a little bit- I squeezed his hand- But he made the decision on his own
Neil introduced me to rest of his family. His father seemed a tad quiet just like him, his other younger siblings greeted me well, and he reintroduced me to his mother who was next to talk again
-It’s so nice of you to wear something so simple to come see us. I did hope you felt at home- She mentioned I could feel my face getting hot- Why don’t we all sit down, there’s much to talk about!
I was more nervous now than when I first walked, but I didn’t want to let on everything was getting to me.
The living room was mainly white, so white it was like staring at snow in the sun. The couches were the most comfortable seat I had ever felt. In this place where comfort was displayed all around, I felt all the eyes and social pressure of high society that made me feel like it was the most uncomfortable place in the world. What calmed me was Neil sitting next to me and his hand on my waist.
-How’s life in Chicago?- Lucille asked- I tried asking Drummond when you wouldn’t reply but he always told me you weren’t working for him anymore
-Yes, I only worked with him for a few years- He continued, and I was sure he was going to give them the clean version of the story- Turns out we didn’t get along so well. I moved to this neighborhood where I met this man called Charles Granger. He in very involved with the city’s anti-saloon league and involved in the politics and he takes care of the neighborhood he lives in, it turns out they were in need of a doctor. So he offered me a job and I accepted, worked with him ever since. He helped me get settled, I do owe him a lot
-Well, we’ll be sure to send Mr. Granger our regards for taking care of you- His mom gave a forced smile. I’m sure she had questions but it was noticeable she was trying to be on Neil’s good side, afraid he might escape again
-So my life was settled there. A few years later he announced to me and his associates that his niece was coming from Ohio to live with him. She helps him out at work and that’s how we met, through Charlie
-And now you’re seeing each other- His mother continued
He smiled softly- MC and I are engaged, mother. I mentioned in the letters
-Oh yes, Lucille told us the news- Her tone seemed like… Disappointment? No, I’m just reading too much into it
I had to do something to break the ice- We were planning for it to happen in late April, early May, wait until the cold passes by
-Yes, it’s smart to wait a while-She smiled at me- A lot can happen in those months, things might end up different
I held my breath, I couldn’t pretend to be dumb to myself. She was definitely unhappy with Neil’s choice. For the first time I felt a sting in my chest. It wasn’t embarrassment or anxiety. It was… Insecurity. I usually never lacked confidence and I was sure that I could take everything and anyone. However, being on the receiving side of the looks from Neil’s mother made me feel like a pin in a haystack. Tiny and lost.
-We weren’t planning on waiting too long- Neil said. Even he acted different around his family, but his tone was firmer. I knew it was him sticking up for me in the ritziest way there was. So I appreciated in silence.
-I hope you don’t mind that we organized a ball for your return- She said excited, changing the subject- We invited the Hastings, the neighbors, just close people to spend the night with us
-Oh mother, you know I always loved the balls you gave- He said in a sarcastic tone but she ignored it, Lucille did giggle though
-Get up and get ready-She said- Do you need me to send the valet upstairs?
-No! No... I can manage myself- He said walking towards the stairs and taking me with him
She then spoke to me before we left- Oh dear, you’ll want to wear something a little bit more elegant for tonight
Once we were in the second floor I couldn’t help but look around. There was a piano room and then a corridor of doors, I assumed they were bedrooms. It seemed kind of oddly placed, surely nobody would like to sleep while the piano is being played right outside their doors. However, everything inside was so white the black piano was a welcoming contrast.
-So… I’m guessing balls are a normal thing in the upper class
-It’s traditional, not my thing if you ask me- He lowered his voice to say the last part
-I’d imagine not
I didn’t have much time to admire the guest room, even though I did notice that its grandiosity made it hard to imagine that it was a room that didn’t belong to anyone. I sat on the bed stressed, wondering how I was going to find something in my bag that would fit the expectations of Momma Dresner. The fanciest dress I could find didn’t impress her, and now I had to step up my game for an official “welcome home Neil” ball
In the middle of my mind’s perturbations, a knock on the door got my attention. When I opened the door, Lucille was standing there smiling
-Mrs. Branford!- I started
-Lucille is fine, if I can call you Mary
-MC- I stepped out of the way to let her in- What can I do for you?
-My mother, she is… Traditional- She sat on the loveseat by the window- I’m not going to lie. People like her, they are not easily impressed by… People like you
-People like me, you mean middle-class
She nodded- Yes, it’s in her ways. The Dresners, they come from very old money. Me, Neil and our siblings, we’re more used to the ways things are nowadays. But our mother never really spent much time with people who didn’t have as much money as she did. So she always looks down on them- She looked back at me- And she always expected Neil to marry an indoor, wealthy girl if you know what I mean
I must’ve made a face, because the look of sympathy rested on her eyes- She doesn’t think I’m worthy of Neil
-Yes, MC, but you must understand it’s old thinking. She thinks that solely based on money. Besides, it’s a little tougher on Neil because he is the oldest of us. That makes him have to marry the perfect woman in her eyes.
I looked at her- The oldest… So…
-Neil is the heir of our estate. Of our parents fortune.
My eyes went wide. It must’ve been obvious, but I just realized that- I never thought of it that way.
-Listen, MC. When Neil left Boston, after Alton passed away… He was not just unhappy. He was lost, his eyes were haunted. He was cold and it seemed like all life from him was just gone. He had this hard edge, and he estranged himself from all of us- She looked at nothing, but I could see pain in her eyes- When he came back from France I convinced myself I would never see the Neil I use to know before the war again, I knew some of his troubles. Then a few years after he left I started to convince myself I’d never see him again- She turned her eyes to me- And then a few months after knowing you he writes back, and then he comes home. On top of it, although there’s still a hard edge on him, I can see it in his eyes that you make him happy. I can see the old Neil in him. That’s why I know you’re more than worthy to be with my brother, you brought him back from the darkness he lived in
Wow. I was so caught up in what she said. It was nice knowing she was on my side- Lucille, I didn’t really do much… I
-No humbleness. Just take some credit for it. I can see you care for him very much
I nodded exaggeratedly- I love Neil.
-And you can see it in his eyes he loves you-She got up this time, going to a dresser in the room- My brother will be happy with you, and I’m so excited to have you as my new sister. However, convincing my parents require a different approach- She pulled out a dress. A beautiful and obviously expensive dress
It was a salmon color, a soft V-neck that was more of an U and graceful short sleeves. While the looseness of the dress was there, it’d flatter whoever’s waist it was on with a slight inward curve, going down in a soft A-line. The dress ended right below the knees. The pattern on it was two colors. One the color of the dress, only visible if you really paid attention to it, the other was white and in the shape of leaves, like a garden going around and forming a heart around the chest area, small flower-like drawings of the same color elegantly finished the dress.
-Oh Lucille, it’s beautiful, but I couldn’t-
-Yes, you can. It doesn’t fit me anymore and it’d help you impress everybody, plus I’m sure Neil would love to see you in it. C’mon, put it on
I hesitantly did so, and once I saw myself in the mirror with it, it made it a lot easier to accept it. I loved it- Thank you, Lucille
-We’re not done. It’s not just the dress- She said pulling some accessories out. First she fixed my curls, like she watched people doing hers enough times to know how. Then she placed a white headband on my head. It had a details on the side, I didn’t dare ask if they were diamonds or something else. A pearl necklace was put around my neck, I asked myself if they were real pearls. Lastly she brought in beautiful heels. They were white as well, clasped in the middle of my feet, and closed in a salmon bow.
When I finished putting them on I looked myself in the mirror again. Oh boy, Momma would pass out if she saw me like this. Poppa would finally consider me his pride. I was all dolled-up. That sensation that I was an imposter grew in me, but then I was only human. I felt confident again- What do you think? - I asked her
-I think you’re ready to face them. Now, I have to go get dressed myself
-For sure, yes- I smiled to her- Thank you Lucille, really
-You brought my brother home back to us… It’s the least I could’ve done- She hugged me tight- Remind me to properly introduce you to Michael at the ball
I agreed laughing lowly and feeling a lot better
A little while after I heard another knock on my door, when I opened it, I was more than happy to see it was Neil. He seemed surprised at my get-up at first, then he smiled
-I see you’ve had some help
-Well, your sister came in and-
-You look beautiful- he offered me his hand and I took it. I was going to say something smart, but the look in his eyes was so sincere I didn’t want to ruin the moment
-Thanks- I said instead- Did everyone already leave?
-Well, lucky for me, I’m the reason of this party- He said it in a sarcastic tone- So I get to come in late and be the center of attention, I’m hoping their curiosity about you takes some of it away from me.
-Neil Dresner is back home, and he brought a low-class girl with him and he’s saying he’s gonna marry her?-I raised my voice to sound like upper-crust gossip- My oh my, Doctor Dresner, quite a scandal
He gave me that warm smile that went all the way up to his eyes. The one that always makes me feel the jitters in a good way
However I wasn’t done- They’ll probably think you’ve gone crazy and send you to a psych ward or think you’ve knocked me up and now you’re stuck with me- I pretended to hold a fan imitating the rich older women- Disgraceful, truly disgraceful
This time he let out a laugh, a harsh laugh, but a long one that sounded like melody to me. For a second I thought he wouldn’t stop laughing, and then I started up laughing too. We walked all the way to the car like that
-People will think I’ve gone soft if I spend too much time with you- He said
-You agreed to spend the rest of your life with me. You’ll be the biggest softie the United States has ever seen
He let out a harsh chuckle this time, as if he told me he wouldn’t ever let that happen. Then the servant from before opened the back door of a fancy car, it had a long hood and it was half black and half white, a wheel sat on its side. I could also see a chauffeur in the front
-Wow, you’re getting the whole ritzy treatment today- I said getting into the car and we were on our way
-You get used to this kind of stuff- He mentioned and then turned to me- You will…- Before I could ask what he meant, he kept going- You know, during these balls we were required to attend, me and Alton would usually spend the entire time together. He didn’t use to be a fan of it either. Having him there… It always made it feel better, it always made it fun somehow- Then he turned to look at me- Having you there, it’s going to make it feel better
I smiled, filled with emotion, but I had to say something- You’re definitely turning soft on me
He rolled his eyes-I should’ve known better than being nice with you, Granger
Our verbal sparring continued until we stopped in front of a big house, the doors were open to reveal a ball room at the bottom of the stairs. I’ve done this before. They’ll announce us and we’ll go down and I’ll act like I’m entitled to the world
So we did just that. The servant opened the car door and Neil took my hand to help me out of the car. Then, I took his arm and we walked in to the top of the stars. People there looked at Neil like he was a rare diamond, like the king of England just walked in. I could feel his tenseness with the looks, but the preparedness for it in his eyes, he whispered to the announcer and then held my arm tighter
-Mr. Cornelius Dresner of Boston and his fiancée Miss Granger
-C’mon- I said lowly and he followed, so we both went down the stairs.
At the bottom of it his family came over again, and soon I could see people looking and gossiping. It was a good hour of walking around and talking to his family and everyone Neil once used to know and introducing me. I felt like I was in one of those old periods of time when the upper crust used to announce engagements.
After a while I was talking to Lucille while Neil talked to some of the other men. Then she looked behind me and got closer to whisper something- Look, Momma just took Neil to talk to Lillie and left them alone
I looked around feeling my heart jump, at first I felt was surprised. I remember who Lillie was, Lucille’s best friend and… Neil’s ex-fiancée. I remember feeling pity for her because Neil left her, but the pangs of jealousy struck me once I saw her.
She was the most beautiful woman I have ever seen, for the second time that day I felt insecurity, but this made me feel much tinier. Because I knew Neil’s mother approved of her, because she was part of the high society and she grew up in it. Her pale skin, her green eyes, her dark smooth hair. She was tall and charming, she was the figure of elegancy. I also knew Neil found her attractive, that he was romantically involved with her once. If he used to love her, how can I be sure all those feelings are gone? No… It’s just the atmosphere and everything, it’s just all throwing me off.
I must’ve been so shaken up I felt paralyzed. Lucille shook me- Hey… Hey! They walked outside. We can spy on them from over in that room- She said pulling me along, I wasn’t even paying attention until I was already there. It was a dark room, looked like an office? Lucille brought us to a window, the drapes were almost closed so you couldn’t see us, but we could spy on them
-I have missed you, Neil- She looked up to him, and her eyes were shining. I knew what that look was… She was still in love with him- I haven’t courted anyone else- She showed him her hand- I’m still wearing the ring you picked out for me.
-I didn’t really pick it out, Lillie it was…
-Yeah, your grandmother’s. You told me remember? You got it when you were fourteen. It was to keep it to the woman you loved the most, to the woman you wished to spend the rest of your life with, whom you’ll always love and that woman shall always love you- She held his hands this time and I felt my stomach sink- You told me that you would always love me if I always loved you back-She got closer to him, this time placing her hand on his face- Here I am, still loving you. Can you say everything was washed away?
He took a few steps back, his confusion could be seen on his face. I wondered what he had to be confused about- Nothing is ever just washed away, Lillie. You of all people should know that.
My heart hurt, what did he mean by that, did he mean his feelings for her were still there?
She smiled softly-Neil… You never gave me closure. You never ended our engagement. One day you were just gone. People kept telling me that you were gone for good-She looked away at the stars, it was a well moonlit light. It was perfectly romantic, but that didn’t fit me one bit in that moment. I hated the romanticism of the stars and the shine that it gave on her face. I hated that it made her look more beautiful- But me and Lucille we knew you’d come back to us. That you’d come back to me. And you were so troubled when you left…
-Lillie…-He looked at the stars now too- I’m sorry for what I’ve done in the past. There’s a lot of stuff I’ve done that I can’t fix and I have to live with it. But I got a second chance to make things better. I’m not the same man who proposed to you back then
-Then how is it I look in your eyes and I see him? I see my Neil
I don’t know if I was feeling anger, sadness or disbelief. It could’ve been all of those together. Lillie knows Neil is engaged to me, she must know, we were announced together. You’d think she’d have some respect
-You see what you want to see, Lillie. You think you love me but you don’t
-I went after you! I went to Chicago-He looked at her with interest, she was caught up in her emotions, crying now- Mr. Drummond told me how you were troubled, lost in… Morphine, was it? I looked for you all around the city, and I couldn’t find you. I’m fighting for you Neil. I can’t give up on us
He breathed funny- Lillie-
Before he could say anything else she hugged him, and he hugged her back for my surprise. When was it that Neil hugged any girl like that?
-Seemed you two form quite the spies- A voice behind us said- Me and Lillie jumped. It was Neil’s mother, and she seemed satisfied from what she saw outside, seeing as she was the facilitator in the situation- You see, Miss Granger. Neil belongs back here, in Boston. And you belong is whatever infested middle-class house you came from with your people. You will never be worthy of my son, and of course it only took the right girl to pull him back into his senses.
-Mother…!- Lucille started
-I’ve had enough of it, Lucille! The little gal needs to know her place. Did you think you could ever make your way into OUR family?
I didn’t say anything. This was so far away from my reality at the Ice Box, my family or everything that I’d ever done before. I couldn’t… I can’t handle this.
-I have to go- It was the only thing I could say before flying out of there. I got back in the car asking for the driver to take me back to the town house, once I was in I couldn’t stop my racing thoughts until I was in the guest room, packing my bags.
But then I stopped. Neil… I can’t just leave him like this. I was so mad at him, I was so mad at all of this, I… I want to go back to Chicago. I looked in the mirror again, all dressed up in fancy things, this isn’t who I am. I surprised myself by ripping it all out of me, putting on my favorite green dress and hat, the ones I wore all the time. Once I was back in clothes that made me recognize myself I swore I’d never again try to be somebody I wasn’t. C’mon MC, you always knew you didn’t have to prove anything to anybody.
But I let my stupid wandering thoughts continue. Neil knelt down in front of Lillie once and asked her to marry him. He asked her to marry him, not me. She had a ring on her finger, not me.
I don’t know how much time had passed by when I heard people in the house.
-MC!- I heard Neil’s voice from downstairs- MC!- He didn’t knock on my door, just walked in- Lucille, she told me you listened to me and Lillie talk
-Yeah, I heard it, alright
-I…-He was going to say something when he saw the bag I started to pack, then he looked at me, visibly mad- You were leaving? Without me?
-No! Not without you. I was gonna wait for you- I walked until him- Let’s go back to Chicago
-We’ve only been here a day
-I can’t be here anymore, Neil. Please, let’s leave
-I haven’t been back in years. You convince me to write to my sister, convince me to come over here, we’re here less than 24 hours and you want me to leave? I just got the courage to be here
-Neil, today has been the most stressful day of my life! I have been dressing up like a paper doll, I have been trying to impress your mother and all I’ve been hearing is how much I’m not worthy, how I won’t fit in, how I’m way in over my head! I have been feeling nothing but insecure, down and I’ve been trying to do everything for you, but I can’t- I was rambling on and tears had begun falling from my eyes, but I didn’t even care- I’ve been keeping a stone face all day trying to make you happy because I know this is huge, but it’s tiring! It’s tiring feeling so out of place, and then hearing your mother say all those things, and then I walked out there to the ball and you go in a secluded area with your beautiful ex-fiancée to exchange words of love under the moonlight?!
-I didn’t say any words of love!- He raised his voice, more than I’ve ever heard him raise it before- I was feeling bad for Lillie, I left her and never came back after promising her a married life! I gave her time because I was trying to fix what I did wrong in the past, with everyone!
I didn’t know what to say or think- Neil, let’s just please, go!
-Yes, I think it’s time you went back to Chicago, if you’re going to behave like this the whole trip you should go!
I looked back at him wide-eyed- You don’t mean…!
-I thought I saw a woman, MC. But how could I, you’re nineteen! I’m thirty-two. You’re the same kid I saw the first night you came to Chicago.
I looked right at him as I wiped my tears off my face, then I grabbed my bag I had packed. Neil called Lillie a ghost back in Chicago, but he was wrong. Lillie wasn’t a ghost, nothing back in Boston or his past life had anything to go with ghosts, ghosts terrify you, but he seemed just fine where he was. Maybe this is where Neil belongs after all. But it’s sure not where I belong.
That night for me was the true ghostly aura. A memory that’d haunt me forever. I left Boston, alone, under the beautiful moonlight that would have enchanted me otherwise. I left with only one certainty: I’ll be dead before somebody ever mentions the name Neil Dresner to me ever again!
1933
-Alright, ready?- I asked and the kids all agreed. Neil wasn’t one to make a big deal out of his birthday, but after a few ones together he knew there was no point in fighting against it. I’d always want it to make it a special day, so we settled on a cake and some candles. Just me, him and the kids- One, two, three!
The kids along with me started our little choir, for that man that was so special to all of us- Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear daddy! Happy birthday to you!
-Do we really need to do this every year?-He asked, cynically, but with a little smile on his face
-Alright, mister doom and gloom! We have this discussion every year!- I kissed him in the cheek
We all had our piece of cake. After putting the kids to bed, I walked outside, the moon was shining in the sky and it was a cold January night. Neil soon joined me- One more year close to death- He said raising his glass, then proceeding to drink the bourbon inside it
-You always know how to lighten up the mood-I pulled him in for a hug and along with it a long kiss
-You’re something else, MC, you know that?
-I’ve been told-I smiled up to him, mischievously
-You can never have any idea of how much I love you- He played with my hair, moving it out of my face
-I have some
He chuckled very softly, almost inaudibly- I just ask one thing of you, MC Granger… Never change who you are
----
Little curiosities: DRAAAAAMA. I thought they deserved a little fight and angst. Well, next chapter we’ll be back in Chicago and it’s time for the Ice Box to shine again! Woo Woo, Prohibition stuuuff!
Thanks so much for reading this chapter, guys! Hope you enjoyed it!
Chapter 4 is already on its way!
-Candy, My Dear Diary (5/24/2020)
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apex-aureate · 5 years
Note
'Lo fellow Howler! Welcome! Can you tell us something about your faves? Btw, if u feel like talking about the RR trilogy you can find me at darrowsrising (like Darrow's Rising).💖
Heya! Always happy to talk about these sad, sad children, but it’s so hard to choose definite faves when they’re all so g o o d
So, in no particular order, here’s my top few:
1. Darrow of Lykos 
Like I said in my introduction post, I know he’s a bit of a basic pick, but still. First impression while reading RR was that Darrow is a more mature and realistic take on a typical YA protagonist. He wasn’t some spunky kid- he was a man, with responsibilities and a life. It was honestly refreshing to read about a person who had a good head on their shoulders and who didn’t immediately take to the lofty ideals of revolution. Right off the bat, his arrogance and recklessness were on full display, giving him relatable, humanizing flaws that didn’t stem from a tragic backstory and couldn’t be cured with a rousing speech or two. In fact, they aren’t really cured at all- the bravery and showmanship of his actions is often exactly what the SoA need at any given point, and it’s been really awesome to watch him recognize that about himself, harness the more negative and harmful aspects of his personality, and eventually put them to good use. He’s got so much more depth to him than a ‘tough guy with a heart of gold’ type too- Like he’s just out for blood at one point, but them his worldview is tossed around about a hundred times and he doesn’t know what to believe about the world anymore because he’s overwhelmed by the sheer size and complexity of it all. It’s such a real feeling that isn’t usually the focus of fiction like this agh
Oh, and I love that he makes mistakes ALL THE TIME. His plans don’t always work out. He kills some people he really shouldn’t have, spares some people who didn’t deserve it. He learns a lot over the course of the Institute, the Agustus-Bellona war, and the Rising through lessons that don’t feel cheap or unearned. He’s simple yet smart, deeply flawed yet totally badass, and he grows into a man worth respecting. Love ‘im.
2. Sevro Au Barca 
Another popular boyo but hey, what can you do? At first I didn’t like good ‘ol Goblin. Vulgar characters aren’t usually very high on my list and I was pretty enthralled with what a cinnamon bun Julian (RIP) was to pay attention to that weirdo upon initial meeting. I was convinced he would fill the minor antagonist role for a while (though that role went to Titus pretty early on).
Then, he saved Darrow and Cassius from the lake and we got a better look at him. Gotta say, once the Howlers got started properly, I really began to get attached to the guy. He wasn’t pretty, but the sheer earnestness and trueness of his character and his loyalty to Darrow was unseen amongst the Golds met within the Institute or in the days after. Unlike Cassius or some of the other members of House Mars, Sevro was never after power, wasn’t full of himself or deluded into believing the superiority or honorableness of his color. He was just him- gross and vulgar and crazy for all the world to see. He didn’t really become one of my favorites until Golden Son though, when Darrow realized that Sevro had figured out who he really was, and had still accepted him wholeheartedly and without judgment. I mean, damn. I cried real tears there. 10/10 best friend anyone could ever ask for.
(And he got more of an independent part in MS so that’s a win)
3. The Jackal 
 Oooohhhh man, the Jackal. I’ve already said he terrifies me.
The build up to him in the first book was so well done I-
And the scene where he cuts his hand off-
Oh and the small acts of ruthlessness and cruelty littered throughout Golden Son-
I mean I’ve seen a fair share of INTJ villains before but he’s just so brilliantly done like wow. I can’t figure out exactly what to say about him but he’s definitely one of my favorite literary villains of all time.
4. Roque Au Fabii  (Forgive me)
 Okay hear me out on this one. Of course I was angry with him in the end. He killed thousands of people in the name of pride (personal, cultural, and racial) and betrayed the friends he had fought side by side with for years on largely irrational and emotional grounds. Unlike Tactus, he didn’t show in inch of shame for any of it when the end came.
But I was completely in love with him in the first two books. He would have easily been my #1 pick if I’d been asked this about a week ago. I guess it’s the archetype he falls into as a poet, or the genuine friendship and wise, heartfelt advice he offers to counter Darrow’s driven, tunnel-vision attitude. Heck, he was even really sympathetic through most of Golden Son- from his perspective, it actually did look like Darrow was being a terrible, negligent person who took others for granted and was completely willing to sacrifice his friends in an arbitrary quest for power.
And, like Darrow, I did feel for him as he died even after he had betrayed them all for despicable cause. I know I should, but I just can’t muster up the hate a lot of other people seem to have for him. It’s not just the misunderstood artsy type that’s getting me here either- I just felt like he could’ve been better. He was a good man- among the best of the golds. And yet just like you’d expect of a Gold, he fell prey to the inevitable flaws of those at the top. Pride, entitlement, and a resistance to change all lead to his bittersweet demise. I have more thoughts on him, but I think i’ll sit on it a while longer before I really go off so don’t judge these half baked rambles as a real opinion on the matter lol
5. Eo of Lykos 
 Underrated af. I think a lot of people write her off as exactly what Darrow described her as in RR. More of a motivation, or some lost dream that was to be worshiped and held on a pedestal for the rest of the series than a standalone character. But she was as much a character as anyone else- she had real flaws and made irresponsible, selfish choices to stay true to what she believed in. She wasn’t an angel, and she didn’t end up coming back from the Vale or whatever to tell Darrow how proud she was or to stay faithful to her for life. Like Sevro, she was just a person living authentically and fearlessly for what felt inside, regardless of consequence. I can appreciate that sort of thing, especially in a female character. It’s also really interesting to have gone back and reread her chapters as Darrow’s view of his late wife develops throughout the series. You start to see past his unreliable narration of Eo’s perfection and recognize the girl behind the song.
Ye. That’s probably too many characters to count as Faves, and I haven’t even talked about Cassius yet, but I just had to say a piece about each because I have zero self control. Thanks for asking, by the way!!
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chokememrstark · 6 years
Text
The Soulmate Sam Never Asked For // Part 4
Ship: Samifer (Sam Winchester / Lucifer)
Words: 2425 (Chapter 4 / 12)
Fic Summary: When Lucifer suddenly fails to come to class, Sam begins to feel absolutely awful. Things get so bad that he seeks the help of a school counselor, only to find out Lucifer had dropped out for an undefined period of time. He gets a hint, however, that it's because of family issues, and in a desperate attempt to stop himself from feeling like he's falling apart, Sam tries to find Lucifer. When he does, however, he finds out much more than he expected.
college!AU, human!AU, soulmates!AU, dysfunctional families, abusive parents, dramatic romance, or romantic drama, your choice, big brother!Lucifer, soulmates hating each other, referenced alcoholism, death and abuse, some violence, and lots of feels, fluff and cuteness, some drama but not too much, lots of bickering, and two damn stubborn soulmates (!!)
Note: My lovely beta reader @brieflymaximumprincess called this a rom-com and even though I don’t believe it is, in my eyes, it does have certain elements of it. This is not the angst you know from me, not at all.
Yes, there is some drama, but there is also a lot of sweet and cute moments, much more than the dramatic ones. I guess you could say I accidentally wrote cute fluff? Because it was not intended, but here we are.
This fic is already completed and will be posted by the regular schedule from now on: Thuesday, Thursday and Saturday! So, enjoy ♥
Tagging: @shebahda   @sassysupernaturalsweetheart    @spnyoucantkeepmedown  @brieflymaximumprincess @multifandomhcsforinsanity @etysky @justasmalltownsuperwholock @humongouscandycoffee​ @daddycasstiel @nnegann​ @blakechaos08
If you want off the tag list or want to be added, just drop me an ask or IM!
Read on AO3!
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 If Sam thought things between Lucifer and him couldn’t get more awkward than before, the following days proved him dead wrong. After their encounter in the toilets even the platonic greetings and farewells stopped, and Lucifer refused to even look at Sam directly or acknowledge his presence at all. Despite wanting to be glad about that - after all it meant he wouldn’t have to deal with him anymore - Sam felt really shitty when he was suddenly faced with this kind of rejection.
 Rejection was a weird word for someone he didn’t even like ignoring him, but it felt exactly like that. Not that he was the kind of person to need constant attention or validation, but it was pretty obvious that Lucifer was giving him the cold shoulder, even when Sam tried to keep up his greetings at first. He quickly stopped his attempts, however, because the cold silence he got in return made him feel like an utter fool. After two days he just sat down quietly and tried to ignore the other next to him.
 Sam might have gotten used to this change of events after a while if it wasn’t for Lucifer suddenly failing to come to class after another week. Sam was confused at first, but as the days passed he began to worry. His anxiety had come back by now, accompanied by an awful nausea, which only worsened his well-being and made it much harder to stay on track. It got so bad that he had to leave one of his lectures early and finally decided to do something about it.
 Since he didn’t know much about Lucifer, other than that he had three brothers and a shitty father, Sam had no idea where to look for him. He decided to go to one of the school’s counselors in the end, it was worth a shot at least as he couldn’t just walk through town and knock on every door by himself. Luckily he was the only one waiting at the moment, as classes were still ongoing, so he didn’t have to sit there for too long. The counselor was a woman named Ellen, who signalled for Sam to sit right away.
 “I hope I’m not disturbing you,” Sam immediately apologized and shifted in his seat. “But I wondered if you could help me with a co-student of mine. He hasn’t been to class in a while and I’m worried.”
 “Of course you’re not disturbing me,” Ellen said with a smile and looked over her papers quickly. “You’re Sam, right? Sam… Winchester?”
 “That’s me, yes,” Sam nodded awkwardly.
 “Well, we don’t usually give out personal information about our students, but maybe I can still help you.”
 “I thought you’d say that, but it’s really important. I know he dropped out for two years already and I worry he might be away for longer again.”
 “Oh!” Ellen’s face showed a slight hint of concern and understanding for a moment, but she collected herself again quickly and sighed. “It’s about Lucifer, am I right?”
 “Yeah?”
 “Yes, Lucifer was actually here last week to talk about this.”
 “And?” Sam didn’t know why this woman couldn't just tell him what was going on, was it that difficult? “What did he say?”
 “Wait a second,” Ellen said and pulled a sheet of paper out from a different pile on her desk. “Ah yes, here. There are some family issues that forced him to take a break, but he will be back soon.”
 “How soon is ‘soon’?” Sam asked confused. “A week? Two? A month?”
 “No time frame, just the note that a family member is hospitalized and needs his support. I’m sorry,” she put the paper back down, looking into Sam’s shocked and pale face. “I wish I could tell you more, but that’s all the information I have.”
 “Alright… thanks…” Sam felt numb when he stood up and walked out of the room.
 Now he felt even worse for his selfish way of thinking. Lucifer had to deal with more than just some anxiety and he sat there, demanding to know when he would come back and being a selfish prick about it. As if Lucifer owed him anything. Instead of going back to class - Sam knew he wouldn’t be able to concentrate anyways - he decided to retreat to his room and lay down for a bit. There was no way he could sleep, but he didn’t know what else to do with himself.
 While laying there with his eyes open and staring at the ceiling, Sam began to wonder if he should do anything about the current situation. Of course he couldn’t bring Lucifer back, that was ridiculous and he was needed right now, but maybe he could do something else? Ellen had said something about a hospital, maybe it wasn’t far away and if Lucifer had to take care of a family member, probably his brother, he might be there most of the time. It was a wild thought, considering their relationship - or the lack of it - but it stuck with Sam. He didn’t want to anger Lucifer by just showing up, but now that he knew it was kind of the next logical thought.
 Sam sat up and glanced over to the clock. It was two in the afternoon, so if Lucifer was there he might still catch him. And if not? Well, then he would just get back here and wait for the other to return.
 He grabbed his backpack and phone, calling a taxi while he walked out of his dorm already. It only took a few minutes to arrive luckily and Sam asked the driver to take him to the Universal Medical Center. He figured that this was his best bet. When they drove past a flower shop on their way, Sam instructed the driver to turn around and wait for him while he got inside. If he would find Lucifer he didn’t want to come empty handed, that was rude, so he got a small bouquet of roses and carnations in bright colors and hopped back into the waiting taxi. Maybe he would embarrass himself, but if he did he would just give the flowers to someone else or the nurses and leave again.
 After finally arriving and paying the taxi driver, Sam hesitated a little. Wouldn’t it look very crazy if he just showed up with flowers randomly, without even knowing what had happened or if Lucifer wanted him to? Now that he thought of it, he wasn’t even supposed to know about the reason Lucifer was gone and it made him feel like a stalker when he looked down at the flowers in his hands.
 “If he’s here he’ll understand,” Sam sighed eventually, wishing he could believe his own words. “Or he’ll throw me out and tell me to fuck off.” That was a possibility too, he had to admit that. Eventually, Sam just forced his feet to walk inside, even though he was still nervous as hell. He had made it all the way out here after all, just leaving again without even trying seemed like a pretty cowardly way out.
 “Excuse me?” Sam said quietly when he stood in front of the information desk. The young woman behind the glass turned around and smiled at him.
 “Hello, sir!” she said overly friendly. Sam assumed she was instructed to act like this. “How may I help you?”
 “Well, I’m looking for a patient and wonder if he’s here. I don’t know his name though, I just know it’s a boy, either six or ten?”
 The woman gave him a very weird look, but apparently something made her refrain from telling him goodbye because she actually pulled up the keyboard of her computer.
 “Are you a family member?” she asked, even though it was pretty obvious that he wasn’t. “Do you have any additional information maybe?”
 “I think his brother is visiting him regularly, his name is Lucifer Milton?” Sam asked hopefully with the most friendly smile he had to offer. “He’s a classmate of mine and is missing for a few days, I’ve been told his brother is hospitalized and wanted to pay them a visit.”
 “Well, we have someone that fits your description here,” the woman said and squinted at her screen. “But visitors are strictly limited, I’m afraid. Only family members may visit this patient.”
 Sam’s hope was reduced to a hot stone in his stomach.
 “Is there nothing you can do?” he asked sadly.
 “This is really important for you, isn’t it?” the woman asked and Sam nodded quietly. “Okay, give me a moment.”
 Sam clutched the flowers tighter when she took the phone and waited impatiently.
 “Hello?” she said, listening for a minute before continuing. “Yes, I have a visitor here for you. What? No, no he didn’t tell me his name, he just-”
 “Sam!” Sam quickly said, loud enough for her to hear him. She nodded and continued.
 “Yes, he just said his name is Sam and he… yes, of course. I’ll tell him, thank you.” She hung up and turned back to the waiting boy.
 “Your friend will come over in a bit,” she said, smiling brightly. “You can sit down in the waiting area.”
 “Thank you,” Sam sighed relieved. “That means a lot to me.”
 He walked over to the seats in a corner, but even when he sat down he still felt very awkward and as if he was in the wrong place. So, Lucifer was really here. That was something. And if he came here now and was furious and angry that he just showed up and kept him away from his brother? Sam felt a cold shiver run down his spine at this thought and quickly shook his head in denial. No, Lucifer might not be happy, but he wouldn’t make a scene in here, no way. At least he hoped so.
 A few minutes passed and Sam kept looking over to the elevators, but Lucifer came from a different direction eventually and he didn’t look happy at all when he walked up to him. He was about to say something, probably nothing nice or friendly, when Sam jumped up and stopped him.
 “Before you get mad, I’m sorry,” he quickly said and held out the flowers for him to take. “The counselor told me why you were gone and I wanted to see how you’re doing, nothing more.”
 “How do you even know where I am?” Lucifer asked and raised his brow at Sam before inspecting the flowers in his hands. “I didn’t tell anyone.”
 “She said someone from your family was in a hospital and I just guessed,” Sam answered a bit ashamed and scratched his ear. “Just wanted to make sure you’re okay, that’s all. And, well, give you my best wishes, I guess.”
 Lucifer huffed, but didn’t reply. He nodded at Sam, signaling him to follow and again at the woman behind the info counter to let her know it was okay that he did so. Sam didn’t dare to speak, too intimidated and confused, so he just walked a few feet behind Lucifer through the corridors. When the blond finally stopped in front of a door he turned around with the handle between his fingers.
 “You’ll keep this to yourself, understood?” the blond asked serious and Sam nodded with a stern face.
 “Understood.”
 Lucifer opened the door and Sam followed him into the room. He heard the sounds of machines before seeing much, but where he expected a lot of tubes and wires, he just saw a young boy laying in a bed all by himself. If he wouldn’t know better, Sam would have never guessed this was Lucifer’s brother. The boy was not only dark skinned and had short, black hair, unlike his fair skinned, blond and blue-eyed big brother, but all of his features were completely different too. He had his eyes closed, but when Lucifer shut the door behind them they fluttered open and a smile appeared on his face.
 “Luci?” he asked with a weak voice. His big brother immediately sat back down next to the bed and took one of his hands, in which Sam saw a needle and tubes sticking out.
 “I’m here, don’t worry,” Lucifer said calmly and brushed his brother’s hand gently. “Raphael, this is Sam, a friend of mine.” There it was again, the word ‘friend’. It made Sam feel very conflicted. “He heard you’re feeling sick and wanted to visit you.”
 “That’s so nice of you,” the boy smiled and looked at Sam. The smile the older one returned was very difficult because he could see that the boy was very, very sick.
 “Hey Raphael,” Sam said overly friendly and walked over to Lucifer. “Does your big brother take good care of you?”
 “Always,” Raphael smiled proudly. “Luci always takes care of me.”
 “That’s very sweet of him.” Sam kind of liked the little one and he felt very sad to see him so sick. “I brought you some flowers to cheer you up, do you like flowers?”
 “Yes!” the boy said excited and his smile grew brighter. “They look so pretty! Luci can we put them on the table, please?”
 “Of course, Raph,” Lucifer answered. He got up and walked over to a sink in the corner where he got some water and a vase for the flowers. Sam followed him with his eyes and only now realized that there was someone else in the room too. Hidden almost completely under pillows and blankets, slept an even younger boy.
 “There you go!” Lucifer pulled Sam out of his staring suddenly and he turned back around. “Do they look good here?”
 “Perfect!” Raphael decided and couldn’t take his eyes off the colorful flowers anymore.
 “Raph, I’ll go get something to eat for us, okay? Do you want something special?” Lucifer asked, earning a giggle from his little brother.
 “Pudding! And ice cream!”
 “Of course,” Lucifer chuckled. “I’ll see if I can bribe the nurses. If Gabe wakes up tell him I’ll be back in a few minutes, will you?”
 “Of course, Luci,” Raphael groaned and rolled his eyes. Lucifer nodded, grabbed Sam’s hand and literally pulled the other out of the room again. Sam didn’t know what to make of Lucifer’s behavior, especially when he had acted so differently before, but he followed him without asking any questions - not that he would have had any say in the matter, Lucifer’s grip was tight and the pulling very determined.
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thorne93 · 6 years
Text
The Right Path (Part 6 - FINAL)
Prompt: (From request) Hi! I was wondering, would you it be okay to request a Charles Xavier x telepath!reader? Where they have a mind link since their ability first showed up and so they already know each other even before theyve actually met and then he finds her when he first uses Cerebo and he and Erik go to her first?? Its an idea ive had for a while, but im not nearly an amazing writer like you!
Word Count: 1683
Warning: language (maybe??), child abuse, mental and physical abuse, depression…
Note: I LOVED this request. Thank you for sending it in. I am so sorry it took so long to write. I hope I did it justice dear. Plus, thank you for the super sweet note ; ) Beta’d by none other than @like-a-bag-of-potatoes
Forever Tags: @capsmuscles @cocosierra94 @essie1876 @magpiegirl80 @letsgetfuckingsuperwholocked @harleyquinnandscarletwitch @iamwarrenspeace @marvel-imagines-yes-please @superwholocked527 @myparadise1982sand @missinstantgratification @thejemersoninferno @rda1989 @marvelloushamilton @munlis @thefridgeismybestie @bubblyanarocks3 @random-fluffy-pink-unicorn @hardcollectionworldtrash @igiveupicantthinkofausername @kaliforniacoastalteens @feelmyroarrrr​ @kaeling
James McAvoy:  @bohemianrhapsody86 @lenawiinchester
Charles Xavier: @bohemianrhapsody86 @lenawiinchester
Right Path: @polkadottedpillowcase
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You and the team worked tirelessly for a handful of days. You helped ease Erik’s mind when he got too upset, you helped calm Banshee before he tried to fly, giving him a bit of confidence that he needed to fly. You and Hank talked chemistry and biology, while you and Raven discussed her crush on him when he wasn’t around. Charles trained with you every day, and each time, the two of you had such chemistry and bonded so well, it nearly drove you mad.
Other than that, Charles and Hank assigned you to help train everyone. You would get inside their head, ease fears, help them see what was holding them back, and then you’d work with them. It was becoming quickly apparent that you were Charles’s right hand. Yes, he and Erik made a great team, they were pretty much your leaders of the pack, and you didn’t want to deny or invade on that. However, when it came to keeping uniform, you were the better choice.
You dealt with all sorts of obstacles of your own, dealing with the others, and even with Charles. He asked you to help him train as well, which felt incredibly foreign, but you loved to be of any service to him. You realized you had thought about your feelings around Charles numerous times, not on purpose, and you were sure he’d heard you, but you’d never admitted it out loud to him. Now wasn’t the best time. Not while everyone was gearing up to fight Shaw.
Raven had confided in you about the thing that Hank had said about being beautiful, she also told you that now she had feelings for Erik. At first, yes, you had a bit of a crush on Erik, but now, now he was just a good friend. Charles was the only man for you and he would always be, even if he didn’t return the feeling. So you let her cry on your shoulder, as you tried to explain Hank’s thoughts. You informed her that if she felt more comfortable around Erik then she should be with him. Erik was a lot stronger on the “mutant and proud” front than Hank, and that’s all Raven had ever wanted -- acceptance. So Erik would be the obvious choice for her. She told you of her plan to seduce him and it made you blush and squirm a tad, but ultimately you gathered your senses and told her she should do whatever will make her happy, whatever she won’t regret. She had kissed your cheek and bounded off to set her plan in motion.
Charles had confided in you about Erik’s personal vendetta, the one he’d seen in your mind.
“I saw it too,” you confessed. “But can you blame him, Charles? He shot his mother right in front of him.”
“I know that,” he said, pacing his bedroom as you sat on the end of his bed, watching him. “I don’t want to get there to stop Shaw and Erik is so blinded by rage and hate that he blows the whole thing. Do you know he asked me if I was naive or arrogant?” he asked, nearly rhetorically. Usually he was never this upset, but then again, his newest and closest companion was giving a stance, a hard one, against an idea that everyone felt very strongly about.
As a mutant, it wasn’t a political debate. Not one that some people felt strongly against the humans, some felt strongly with the humans, and someone was neutral.
No.
No, when it came to the stance of “Are you for or against humans?” there was only one answer to be had. A side to pick. You and Charles believed in humans like Mr. Nobody and Moira. Erik believed in humans like Shaw.
“What did he actually say?” you wondered, knowing Charles was upset.
“He said, ‘Are you really so naive, as to think that they won't battle their own extinction? Or is it arrogance?’.”
You nodded. “Charles...You won’t change his mind. He’s been through too much to believe humans can be good. It would take an act of God for him to see that they aren’t all the same.”
“That’s my fear, is that they are,” he confided.
“You think they’re like Shaw?” you questioned as he walked over to you and sat down next to you, your legs practically touching.
“No,” he stated, seeming exasperated. “No, but I know how people are. People are just like animals, when they’re hurt, they lash out. Someone like Moira might be okay today, while we’re helping them, but if something goes wrong, are we suddenly the problem? The thing that needs to be cast out?”
Your hand found his as you gave it a squeeze. “That will always be a question we have. But we have to have faith that not everyone is like that. How can they trust us if we don’t trust them?” you asked. “It has to start somewhere. It needs to start with us. No matter what happens tomorrow, or in ten years, or in twenty years, we can’t give up hope. There will always be non-mutants that will stand beside us and fight with us, not against us...We just have to get through the ones that want to fight us first.”
“How do you have so much hope? You’re upbringing was nearly has heartbreaking as Erik’s. How can you have faith after all this time?” he wondered with curiosity.
“You,” you said without much thought or hesitation. “You were my beacon for so long. I held out hope that we’d meet. You came to me in my dreams over and over, without fail. You could’ve given up on me, on meeting me,  you didn’t know anything about me, but I’m willing to bet, something within you made you want to come back to me. Somehow, Charles, we’re linked, and not just because we’re telepathic. But because you somehow knew I needed you in my life. If people like you exist, mutant or not, then I have to hold out hope. You’re proof that it’s real. That having faith pays off.”
A small v formed between his brows and a wild look swirled into his eyes before he lurched at you, his lips crashing on yours, taking you by complete surprise.
The feeling of pure electricity lighting up your body, from your lips down to your toes. You’d dreamed of this moment for as long as you could remember, and now that it was here, you felt light, floating, dizzy, nearly ethereal. His lips were softer than you ever imagined, but they were firm, the feeling behind his lips determined as ever. Somewhere you were vaguely aware that his hand was resting just above your elbow. All too soon, the kiss ended, but you were far from sober from that kiss.
“I---uh--” you stammered, your mind and body not quite caught up to what was happening.
“That was…better than I ever imagined,” Charles breathed with a bit of a joyous laugh in his voice.
“You liked it?” you asked, a tad embarrassed and nervous about your lack of experience.
“I loved it. I want to do it every day for the rest of our lives,” he said in a low voice, a giant grin painted on his face as his slender hand reached towards your cheek to cup it.
“I’m in love with you,” you said, quickly as if you were ripping off a bandaid. You had to say it. You’d been putting it off, but with the impending war, you were tired of waiting. Tired of waiting to be yourself around someone. Tired of putting your feelings away for other people.
You were so afraid to look at him. To meet his eyes. You were so afraid of rejection, it wasn’t even remotely funny. You wanted to rant and say it was okay if he didn’t love you back but you kept quiet, letting him gather his thoughts.
After a moment, Charles suddenly said, “Y/N, I love you too. Look at me,” he gently commanded and you obeyed. “I have loved you from the moment we met. And not because I could read your mind, although that was part of it, but because you’re good and pure and compassionate and wise and smart and kind...You’re so many things, Y/N. You’re everything anyone could ever want in their life. More importantly, you’re everything I want. I know we’ve only known each other for a handful of weeks, technically, but I feel so connected to you. I want to spend a lifetime with you, getting to know you, getting to help you, having you help me with mutants.”
“But...we hardly know each other,” you prompted. Yes, you loved Charles. Yes, you wanted to spend your life by his side. Yes, you knew you’d never tire or fall out of love. Yes, you knew it sounded crazy. But you knew how you felt. Charles could just be infatuated.
“Read my mind and tell me I’m not serious,” he challenged with determined eyes. “I know it’s highly unorthodox, but when has anything about our relationship been normal?” he questioned with a bit of humor in his features.
“Never, I suppose,” you admitted.
“Right. And it doesn’t have to be now. I know I want you, I know I love you. I don’t need to know your favorite color or favorite band to know that I loved the girl whose dreams I visited for three years,” he assured, his eyes searching yours. “So if you’re willing to be something more...so am I.”
“I am. I’m more than willing.”
“Good,” he breathed before planting a lingering, soft kiss to your lips. “Me too. I think this is a good path for us.”
“I know it’s the right path,” you assured, your hands resting on his arms, staring into his eyes, finally happy with your life. Finding where you fit in, and with whom, with a perfect man by your side. You could take on the world.
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50 Best Zootopia Fanfiction On The Internet
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Top 50 Best Zootopia Fanfiction That You Haven't Read
Our Title and Heading say' it all today we have some of the best Zootopia fanfiction stories for you fanfiction lovers, and if you guys were searching for these Fanfiction Zootopia stories the search no further. we hope you guys love our best collection of top-rated series, anime, games and movie collection.
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Zootopia was released in 2016 in America that too in 3d, it is basically a computer-animated comedy film. From this journey, there have been many Zootopia Fanfiction Lovers all around the globe. Zootopia was released by Walt Disney pictures and the exact release date of Zootopia is February 13, 2016. Let's Begin Our Collection of the Best Zootopia Fanfiction on the internet.
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Straight_up_geek Why did Disney make me ship and bunny and a fox together??
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Kido Zootopia is one of the few Disney movies I feel actually NEEDS a sequel. There’s so much more world and character building they could do.
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zootman Ive never gone crazy with any disney princess couples, but now im shipping a bunny and a fox so hard. Omg
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arman-shk If you ship Judy and Nick put a thumbs up. And if you want to let me know why you ship them.
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peolk.s Ok but low key Judy and nick remind me so much of rapunzel and Eugene. Must be the similarities that make both of them my favorite movies and characters😍
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super35 Why Did Disney Tell Me To Ship Them , THEN NO KISSING SCENE?!?!
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love_u I'd be more than happy to see them as an official couple. And if there's a sequel on the way...lead down that road
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here_i_am That's now what I say to my friends in gta when somebody attacks me. "Boys, Ice Em "
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dum dudu If ever there was an Oscar for best animated performance, Nick Wilde would easily win. Jason Bateman really delivered with this role, especially the fact that he improvised a lot of the dialogue.
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c@re They are cute couple specially the fox ia handsome and the bunny is so cute Zootopia was the 55th Disney feature animated movie, Byron Howard and Rich Moore were the directors of this movie. Fanfiction Zootopia lovers are also huge fans of these two individuals. The Co-director of Zootopia was Jared Bush. Zootopia Fanfiction Human Voice lovers who love the voice in the film are mentioned below.
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We hope you guys liked our collection of the best Zootopia Fanfiction Updates, that we are providing you guys. Please share this as much as possible.
Zootopia Fanfiction Human version 2020
The voices that rocked the movie all around the world were Ginnifer Goodwin, Jason Bateman, Idris Elba, and others are mentioned down below in the other section of this Zootopia Fanfiction Stories article. The reason why we give the emphasis on these Zootopia fanfiction human voice personalities were the real reason for the blockbuster of Zootopia. YB Judy: it just burns me up to see such a bad attitude forwards foxes.. Also Judy: carries an anti fox spray Alyssa Love the subtle racism. She is surprised that a fox can be smart, and condescendingly praises him for being "articulate." Nick sarcastically calls her non-patronizing afterwards. 😂 Fallen Tacozz Judy: Are your costumers aware... They are getting snot and mucus with there cookies and cream. Boy elephant: Spits out ice cream on girl elephant: )X Random person Judy: are your customers aware their getting snot and mucus in their cookies and cream The couple with cookies and cream: OH FUC- Brandon Christopher The initial prejudice by the cop to assume that violence (reaching for her weapon) was the best way to handle the Fox... That's how it is and feels. Plus being judged by the owner of the ice cream shop in front of everyone is demeaning as well...for example when you're followed around the store and treated poorly wherever you go. (Black people of color equal income and credit get less money for loans for homes and businesses than white people of the exact same qualifications.) Rhonda howard Even when she thinks she's done something nice she's still treating them like they're less than with her tone as the Fox points out. lego nightwing Prejudice is going away but it's still very real. I appreciate all people white, black and all colors and backgrounds who understand this and fights against it. jackson selqiust "Now that is high praise. It's rare that I find someone so non-patronizing." blitz sapphire This is a great subtle jab Nick makes at Judy here that flew over my head the first time I heard it. The praise that Judy gives him is so condescending when you really think about it. It's that "wow, you're really well-spoken for a black person" compliment. Roeland Farah The fur textures in this movie are amazing. Blows my mind tbh Hoping that you guys liked our collection of the best Zootopia Fanfiction Human Version, that we are providing you guys. Please share this as much as possible. Fanfiction Zootopia Stories Updated in 2020 The Story of Zootopia revolves around the unlikely relationship or you can say the partnership between a very smart red fox and a rabbit police officer(who always dreamt of being an officer since Her Childhood). That's why people love Such Fanfiction Zootopia stories. These two try to find out a criminal conspiracy that connects them to the unusual disappearance of the predators.   miss anime "I'd lose my head if it weren't attached to my neck. That's the truth." So me😂😂 dylingr The writing in this scene is so well-written. It captures both the big and small instances of racism that often happens; both the hostile side and the non-hostile side. Favorite moments: "I'm such a..." "You probably can't read, fox" "I just want to say you're a great dad and a real articulate fellow" "Oh, well that is high praise. It's rare that I find someone so non-patronizing. *fake smile*" citavalo If it ended it like that, you can call it a short animation with a message behind it. animal fafic I love this movie so much. It makes me smile, brings up all sort of expressions I'm not aware of until afterwards. That's how you know it's a good movie. You're so invested in it that you don't even know what your face looks like. You're just totally in the world of the film. John martin "real articulate fella" that's the best compliment you could come up with. Did you think he couldn't speak English or something and are pleased he can. Dude you deserved to be had xxlinuxxx Fashionably late guys. Or a sloth uploaded it or something "new and hip" like that lmao. bazil I had this happen at a store when I came in to do some grocery shopping. I'm the type to wear band tees and jeans (it goes with the story I'm about to tell) and that's my usual attire. takimg a shower, dried my hair (which is always wavy and voluminous) brushed my teeth, had to go out to get food. already had some items in my basket when I was looking around in one aisle and an employee who was stocking items was watching me. I smiled at them and went back to looking at the boxes of pasta in front of me. Next thing I know, I have the manager asking me what I was doing and the guy I smiled at standing behind him. bazil I was asked for my ID and when I did, they said that it was fake. I do look younger than I am. They asked me to leave. I said I had money and wanted to pay for my items. They said I won't be paying with anything that's not mine (they thought my ID was fake and my credit cards were fake, therefore, believing I am a thief..like I was just going to walk out with my basket) I said, no everything I have is real and that I'm not a teen looking to steal. Even when I showed the manager my credit cards, he automatically said, "That doesn't mean anything to me." I got a full "up down" look from the stocking guy, like just because I'm very skinny with wild hair and had on a band tee and ripped jeans didn't mean shit. I put my basket down and left. odinia legend has it you can still her the toot toot to this day raven paruli Me: this cookies and cream ice cream is really great! News Cast says that there is bacteria in ice cream We are sure that you people loved our collection of the best Fanfiction Zootopia stories, that we are providing you guys. Please share this as much as possible. Zootopia Fanfiction Lemon Series As the Story continues the fox fond himself having a crush on the lady rabbit officer. We are sure that we have some of the dirty-minded people here visiting this webpage about Zootopia Fanfiction Lemon Stories. Zootopia was released in Belgium in 2d, Digital 3d and also in ReadD 3d, the best was Imax 3d formats in the united states. Mr Choice "We reserve the right to refuse service to anyone" Some establishments are still like that sadly mr abby wabby The moment I first seen this movie and I seen the elephant don't got gloves for they trunks I was like HEALTH HAZARD! 😂lmao puffered fish The ONLY thing I can think of when I see this scene is how unsanitary that ice cream place is XD xin yi zou The thing that always is in my mind is that Judy is my name as well 😂😂😂 warrior dragon564 Got a genuine laugh outta me when i read the description about he uncensored version, lol The killer Me: sees naked animals gagging Also me: sees Marina without her off the hook outfit THIS JUST GROSS AND DISGUSTANG blazelth Only real flaw I can spot: showing Bellweather as the villain in the "trailer". They went out of their way to hide the fact that she was the villain in all the advertising so it could be a big shock once the reveal happened in the movie sea slat Welcome to the Kill Count, where we tally up the victim in all our favorite horror movies! I'm James A. Janisse and today we're looking at Zootopia anonymous FINALLY I GOT WHAT THE HELL I WANTED HE KILLED HER YASS IT FINALLY MAKES SENS Battlr bin me: expects a short fan film casually looks at the duration bar at the bottom left corner me: confused screaming Make sure that you people loved our collection of the best Zootopia Fanfiction Lemon stories, that we are providing you guys. Please share this as much as possible. Zootopia fanfiction Crossover People Also Like the Zootopia Fanfiction crossover stories that why! we also have a series of the best zootopia crossover fanfiction and we can also Zootopia Fanfiction Crossover as well. joseph lay Judy:“You have to let me go” Nick:“I don’t want to let you go” That broke my heart 😭 unfc Judy: "I'm in love with a fox" The entire zootopia universe: "Say sike rn" susanana Nick: “honey tell them to buzz off” “honey who is it?” Awe he already has little names to call Judy 🥺🥰😂 skelei bones Me: sees Miles Walker Miles Walker: future mayor Me: he is evil 😏 max jordon "i call bull.." Nick: "close.. but no dice.. its a buffalo!" swear jokes no3 drive Is everyone just going to skip past the part where Nick goes “and I’m her boy toy 😏 ¯\_(ツ)_/¯” jennings Y'all see the phone, during Nick's song, that shows the sheep holding a gun? destiny ganfic " I bet you use your hand everynight" I laughed so hard when judy said that Alpha 3.o Disney wouldn't have the guts to make a sequel like this. kurt langberg Coffee? You know what that means? Yes, we’ve watched Luke Cage. We know what “coffee” means. we are sure that you guys liked our collection the 50 best Zootopia Fanfiction Stories and people can also say that fanfiction Zootopia stories. It depends on the fanfiction lovers interset. If you people have any suggestions or want any other fanfiction stories like this Zootopia Fanfiction Stories, you can comment down in the comment section below of this article on Fanfiction Zootopia Updates. We just want to make sure that you guys love these Zootopia Fanfiction stories and always keep on reading such Zootopia Fanfiction Crossover. Share these Zootopia Fanfiction Crossover Series to the other fanfiction lovers who are searching for such Fanfiction Zootopia Stories all over the internet. Thank you Best Pokemon Fanfiction Stories     Read the full article
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A/N: i hope you enjoy this! it certainly brought a smile to my face despite the angst.
im not really happy with my writing in this chapter, but...
wait. i liked the chapter but not the writing. how crazy it sounds?
@ohsnapitzmoony​ @sandsailer @allthingssweetness
if anyone wants to be reminded when there’s an update, just let me know and I’ll tag you here, :)
Summary: After things settle down in Richmond, Clementine is ready to go look for AJ once again. But she’s not going alone.
1 | 2 | 3
building for tomorrow
Usually the smartest thing to do when a herd is involved, Clem knows, is to find a way to run from it. Put as much distance from the walkers as possible.
But she would never run if facing a herd is what stands between her and being reunited with AJ. She needs the goofball back, can’t pretend she doesn’t. It’s been too long. More than enough.
She wonders, for a brief, painful moment, if this is how Lee felt when she was kidnapped in Savannah. No matter how long it’s been behind her, she wouldn’t be able to forget the strange man who kept a walker head inside a bag. Used to speak with it, too. It makes her shiver just by thinking back.
“What’re we going to do to get through them?” Gabe asks in a small, quiet voice. He’s learning fast, she thinks with a smile. A walker can still smell them if it gets close enough, but she’s damn sure it won’t hear them.
“Let me think for a minute,” she answers, her voice barely more than a whisper.
Killing the walkers one by one is out of question. She remembers doing it more than once before, but only when there are ten walkers tops.
Old-fashioned method of covering themselves in guts could work, but they’d need to get close to at least one walker first. That didn’t seem like a very likely option when the things are all huddled up together, shouldering past each other against the fences of the ranch.
Gabe nudges her shoulder, a thoughtful expression on his face, but says nothing.
“What?” she asks, exasperated.
“Well, I think I…I have an idea. How good are you at climbing?”
Clementine sighs. “Climbing what?”
“Trees,” Gabe answers with a shrug, his cheeks coloring a little. He gestures around them with one hand before saying, “There are tons of trees surrounding us. If we use them, we can get past the fences and into the ranch.”
This time, it’s her face that colors slightly. “I had a treehouse, before the walkers. And…and when L—I mean, when I first found survivors, I was hidden up in the trees. But it’s been a long time.”
“You think we can try, though?”
“I don’t really think we have other options,” she says with a sigh, running her hands over her face. When they start preparing to climb the nearest tree, she blurts, “You know, I once met this woman. Molly, I think. She was a great climber. She had this tool that helped her around, and she even named it.”
Gabe jumps up and up and up in the tree, offering her a hand all the while. “Yeah? What happened to her?”
Just don’t think about what you’re doing, she tells herself, repeating it like a mantra. It doesn’t matter that it’s been a long time, she still can do this sort of thing.
“I have no idea,” she answers Gabe, focusing on their conversation. “She left our group without saying anything. Never heard of her again.”
“That’s a good thing,” he tells her with a small smile, encouraging her to keep going. “Means she can still be alive, right?”
“Yeah, maybe.” When her eyes search for the ranch again, she has to suppress a gasp. They moved a lot, and are definitely getting closer to their destination, the herd and AJ. “But there’s something I know for sure—the last time I was on a farm, it was bad. So be prepared for anything.”
“Bad?” Gabe’s voice wavers. He clears his throat the next second, and she smiles at how he really wants to look strong. “How bad? What I should be prepared for?”
“Anything,” she repeats. “I mean it.”
He nods. “But what happened?”
“I…we were starving. There just wasn’t any food left, and people were starting to fight,” she tells him, closing her eyes for a moment when the memories threaten to overwhelm her. “Until this family appears, out of nowhere. They wanted to trade something—gas, I think. They swore they had lots of food, enough to feed our entire group for months.”
When she pauses, her eyes still closed, her body refusing to move to the next tree, Gabe approaches her quietly. He touches her hand with his, just a small sort of contact.
“And then?”
“We went with them, of course,” she continues. “Once we got on the farm, they wanted help with some things. It was fine. But…but then a guy got hurt. The family said they would help him, make sure he got better. But when we asked if we could stay with him, see if he was alright, they wouldn’t let us. My—uh…Lee…one of the guys in our group figured out what was happening by the time dinner was served.”
“What dinner has to do with anything?”
Clementine smirks at him—though there is hardly any humor in her face. “He—the injured man—was dinner. If it weren’t for Lee, I’d have eaten his flesh and never realized the truth.”
All color leaves Gabe’s face—and he swallows one, two, three times.
“What?!” he asks in a shrill, high-pitched voice. “The guy was dinner!”
“Keep your voice down,” she hisses, eyes flying to the herd again. It’s so much closer to them, but the walkers are still unaware of their presence. Dinner.
“But they ate a person!” Gabe exclaims, though his voice lowers a little. “How—why—I mean…why would someone eat a person?”
Clementine shrugs. “It doesn’t matter. I only said that to prove a point—which is, keep your eyes open and stay sharp. We don’t know what we’re going to find on that ranch.”
Though Gabe remains silent, she can almost hear his thoughts—I don’t want to become dinner, I don’t want to be eaten…
She didn’t find it funny back then—and she really doesn’t find cannibalism funny now either—but it’s…amusing how life can suck sometimes. It’s like they have two choices—be eaten by a dead monster who was human once upon a time; or be eaten by someone that’s still human but acts like a monster.
Their conversation is cut short when they reach the fence, the walkers right under their feet. Clem barely breathes at all. She looks at Gabe in the eye, and gestures for him to start climbing to the inside of the property.
He does, his face pale and sweaty. The moment his feet hit the ground with a dull thud!, she smiles.
But when it’s her turn, one of her legs is already over the fence and her heartbeat is crazy and—
A walker grabs her ankle. And tugs her down, surprisingly strong for someone whose limbs are pretty much rotten.
She wants to scream. But still, her instincts are stronger, and her mouth just hangs open, no sound coming out at all. If she screams, more walkers will notice her. And if that happens, it’s over. She’s done.
But she isn’t done just yet.
Something—someone, possibly Gabe—kicks the walker through the fence and pulls her to him at the same time, successfully saving her from the walker’s clutches.
Or kind of.
Since the thing’s hand is still attached to Clementine’s ankle. She kicks it angrily with her free leg, and the hand lands on the other side of the fence, in the middle of the walkers. They are not even startled by it, the stupid things.
“Damn,” she whispers, taking a deep breath. When she looks at Gabe, he’s completely unsettled, staring at the walkers, breathing in ragged puffs of air. “Gabe, it’s okay now. Thanks. You…thanks.”
He shakes his head. “I-I n-never touched one of t-them before.”
Carefully, Clementine wraps her hand around his, trying to ground him to reality. When it doesn’t work, she tiptoes a little to get taller and kisses his cheek.
She’s careful not to allow it to last more than three seconds, but it has the desired effect nonetheless—Gabe stops staring at the walkers to move his bewildered gaze to her, and his face colors.
“Wow…” he says, touching his cheek with two fingers. “Can you do it again?”
Clementine blushes—but still manages to roll her eyes at him. “Yeah, maybe some other time. If you’re lucky.”
Sometimes, she feels like Jane is still with her. Whispering what to do, how to act around boys. It’s…scary. But she’s grateful for Jane’s presence. Real or imaginary.
“Come on now,” she says, gesturing to the ranch ahead of them. The path is clear, every walker behind them. For now. She has no idea how long the fence will hold them—her history with fences is that they’re never really good—but it’ll have to do. The mission is go to the ranch, take AJ, get out, go back to Richmond. Easy.
After they’ve walked for a while—and the small, wooden house is near—Gabe whispers, “It’s super quiet now, isn’t it? I can’t hear the muertos anymore.”
“Better this way.” She shrugs. “But if it makes you feel better, we’ll need to get past them again once we grab AJ.”
“Yeah, it doesn’t make me feel better at all.”
“We can check the barn later, see if there’s a car here or something. I need a car anyway.”
Gabe pauses—and when she stops walking to look at him, he’s staring at the ground like it was personally responsible for every bad thing that ever happened to him.
“Gabe?”
“You’re going to leave, then?” he asks—almost accuses her, the hurt flowing freely in his voice. “After everything…after everything we’ve been through, you’re just going to leave us?”
“No!” she exclaims, raising her hands. “I just…of course I won’t leave. Javi already made me promise to stay. It’s just that having a car is important. I’ve been looking for one—this way, I can go to other places more safely. Get supplies. And stuff.”
“Not like it matters to me anyway,” he mutters, shouldering past her. “Let’s just…keep walking.”
Clementine frowns and runs to catch up with him. “Gabe, I’m really not going to leave. Why are you acting like that?”
“You’re not going to leave because Javi asked you to stay. Even…even if Kate asked, you’d probably listen to her.”
“Yeah. I would. And that’s a bad thing because—?”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“It clearly does!”
He comes to a halt, almost making her run into his back. When he turns to finally look at her, Clementine can swear there are tears in his eyes.
“It…I’m just never enough, am I? If I asked…it’d be different,” he mumbles, covering his face with both hands. “Look at how well it went I asked Dad to stay. People just…people just don’t stay for me.” His accent gets thicker the more nervous he gets—and by the end of his last sentence, Clementine can barely hear what he’s saying.
But she does hear his words. And it hurts her to see someone like that. Especially because, really, she doesn’t understand it. If people are staying, they are staying. It doesn’t matter who asked.
Gabe reminds her of Sarah—so easily hurt, so open about everything.
She used to do everything for Sarah, didn’t she? But what usually cheered the girl up? She can’t remember. Too many bad memories muddling up the good ones.
Taking a deep breath, taking a leap of faith really, she walks closer to him, her hand coming to rest on his dirty cheek. Looking at them now, though, they are both dirty. Covered in mud and dry leaves and blood from their scratches.
“I…” she swallows, trying to make the words get the hell out of her mouth. “I always thought…I’d be alone.”
His eyes jump to hers, and she swallows again. God, why is this so hard? Why her legs feel like they’re going to make her fall on her knees from their shaking?
But she needs to do this. For him and for her. She opens her fingers over his cheek, caressing it like Christa and Omid used to do with each other. So long ago. How is it that she even remembers little things?
“I always thought I’d be alone,” she repeats, keeping herself focused. “Then I met you.”
It’s not something she was planning. Not at all. Especially not after all of Javi’s teasing and Kate’s knowing looks. But still, Javi and Kate and everyone is far from her mind when she gently pulls his face towards hers, closing her eyes after he closes his. Then she touches her lips to his.
Differently from what she had thought, it’s…weird. Not kissing him, but kissing. It’s wet. And different. She never ever touched her lips to someone else’s, had absolutely no idea what to expect from it.
But the thoughts fly out of her mind when she realizes just what she’s doing. She’s actually, honestly kissing someone. Gabe. She just never…she was being honest with him, before. She never thought about this sort of thing. But it just felt so natural, fitting.
Wet and odd or not, it was still nice. A good memory to treasure among so many bad ones. She hopes it’ll become a good memory to Gabe, too.
Finally, when she doesn’t know what to do with herself anymore, she breaks their contact. He doesn’t let her go completely away though, not yet. Instead, he does something that, to her, seems like instinct alone—he bumps their noses together, earning a smile from her.
“That…” he whispers after bumping their noses one more time and letting go of her free hand. “That…did you mean it, Clem?”
Clementine nods, not finding her voice just yet. Then, after clearing her throat, she answers, “I’m more serious right now than I’ve ever been.”
“Wow.” A smile covers his entire face and he looks—he looks…like he’s glowing with happiness or something. She feels a strange bubble in her heart, too. Something that she never felt there before. Clem doesn’t have a name for it, though. “Wow, Clem.”
When he offers her his hand to hold, it’s shaking so much. She looks down at hers to see it shaking, too. How…how is it that her body can react like this? It never reacted like this to anything. Never.
Smiling to cover her sudden nervousness over her acts, she grabs his hand and they start moving again. If they find AJ today…then she doesn’t think her heart had ever been this happy. It never really had the time to be happy.
She thinks that maybe, maybe now she understands Kate better. Why she clings to Javi every time she can, why the two of them are always together. But she also understands what feeling like this regarding someone means—they could be separated at any time, for any reason at all.
Look at Christa and Omid, Luke and Jane, Kenny and Katjaa. It’s always like that.
Her heart aches at her pessimist thoughts, and she honestly tries to brush them off. Crush her fears. But when it doesn’t happen, she just tells herself that all it means is that they need to enjoy the time they have.
She thinks about the good memories they already have—and the new ones to come. They’ll have to be enough, won’t they?
With everything inside her hurting, she squeezes his hand as tightly as she can.
“Are you…okay?” Gabe asks, pausing for a second to look at her.
“I’m okay,” she promises, nudging him so they can keep moving. “Just thinking about old things.”
Old friends.
Who aren’t coming back.
“You want to talk about it?” he offers with a smile.
But shakes her head. There are a few things…that she’s just not ready not share yet. Maybe one day she’ll be able to tell him what she’s afraid of, how she doesn’t want history to keep repeating itself. But now is not the time.
“Later. After we’re back in Richmond, we can talk about it.”
As an answer to her once again making it clear that yes, she’s going to stay, he squeezes her hand like she did before.
Funny, Clementine realizes, how easy it is to hold hands with someone. There might be walkers everywhere, but she still finds it nice.
The house is so near now—but Clem thinks they are starting to walk slower.
“Can I ask you something?” Gabe suddenly asks, looking down once again.
Feeling bold by their earlier actions, she touches his face again, lightly, until he looks up in her eyes. “You can always ask me anything.”
“Even if it’s silly?”
“Of course.”
“What…what are we going to tell Javi, Dad and Kate?”
She frowns. “I honestly don’t know yet. Maybe we could just keep it quiet for a while? You know, keep it between us. Like it’s…something that’s only ours.”
“I…okay,” he says with a nod. “I like having it as something that’s only ours.”
Clementine returns his nod, and they make it to the house in silence. Once there, she’s all for busting the door open and running inside like a mad woman until she finds her goofball.
But Gabe is more…delicate about it. He knocks.
She’s more than a little surprise when someone actually opens the door—at least a little bit of the door—with a rifle in hand.
“What do you want?” the voice asks. A woman—like Javi had mentioned, right? “Who are you?”
Clem takes a deep breath. “Dr. Lingard told us you were taking care of a little boy. AJ. We’re here to take him back to…the new frontier.”
The last thing Clementine hears before the door is thrown back on her face is a snort, followed by, “I don’t answer to the new frontier for a long time.”
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cosmochasm · 7 years
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tell us about sa !!!
OKAY SO this ended up being way longer than i ever expected because i couldn’t stop talking about it and i have a lot of #thoughts tbh
@kt-bergs
first things first, it was a very small community theater production, the entire theater was pretty small, the stage and everything, and also it was the closing performance and so. Emotions were high for a lot ofit
secondly, the stage design was ?? so great. like i’ve watched a lot of productions of sa on yt and stuff, local and broadway, and i’ve never seen a stage designed like this. basically, the front of the stage was just basic, like wood that you walked on and it never really changed but most of the stage was built over a shallow pool of water with panels of differing sizes they could move and make it look like different locations and stuff etc, where the water would be visible sometimes and other times, like at the very beginning, you don’t even realize it’s not a normal stage. all of the panels could stack up on top of each other too to create like. higher parts of the stage?
also they had branches all throughout the top of the stage and hanging down off of the front over the audience. the aisles were used a l o t because this was a small theater. i sat right next to wear they came from back stage to go up/down the aisles with a big shit eating grin on my face for most of it, im sure most of them saw me lmao.
oh and they had people playing bobby maler/greta as well
i guess i’ll just do? a song by song rundown bc idk how else to do it tbh
mama who bore me wasn’t spectacular. it wasn’t bad, just nothing new tbh but wendla was fantastic
all that’s known and the scene leading up to it really didn’t have anything new either. moritz was good but since when do i think a moritz is bad tbh. melchior is really angry tbh. bobby brings him a mic on a stand instead of him pulling it out of his jacket
the bitch of living was so good tbh it all went dark except for moritz, who had a purple spotlight on him, and then as the rest of the boys joined they had rainbow spotlights. they pulled mics out of their jacket so im not sure why melchi didn’t in all that’s known but im ok with it. the spotlights were solid colored at first, but then they switched back and forth between being grungy-textured (i really dont know how to explain this tbh but it was like dotted shapes and stuff) and solid colors and thats mostly what i focused on lmao.
 when melchior joined in, they had lined up all their school chairs on the right side of the stage in a diagonal and faced him as they sang. they mention bobby maler and the guy who’s credited as bobby barely even reacted like they could have done more if they were going to bother casting a bobby.
my junk was pretty average too, except georg didnt have a piano and he just mimed playing piano on a table, but this is also where u see the first panel move bc of the water and i didn’t realize it was water at first, i just thought there was an opening in the stage tbh but then they removed a second panel at the end so there was like,,, a split in the center of the stage and u could see the reflectiveness of the water
the scene before touch me was so good tbh. when moritz talks about the “labia majora” (he didn’t pronounce it wrong which bothers me but its a character choice i guess so w/e) and frau gabor walks in he doesn’t notice at first and keeps going until he finally sees her, jumps a foot in the air and quickly sits on it. when he starts talking about the essay again after she leaves, he takes it out and dramatically checks to make sure she’s not coming back (like he leaned all the way back in his over his chair to check backstage)
moritz and melchior’s dance in touch me isn’t super gay at first. melchi just leans over the table and touches moritz’s hand while he’s feeling himself (as he does) and then moritz leaves. but when moritz comes back, he’s on the other side of the water divide and he and melchi grab each others arms over it and dance. pretty gay.
also in the scene where moritz is like “i passed!” he runs up the aisles and when he gets to the stage he leans up against the wall and it was really cute im still not over it but then when georg is like “are you sure”(i dont know if that’s the exact line but i have no memory ur lucky i remember this much) he does this like. weird tone of voice and when moritz says “yes im sure” he makes a face at georg and mocks his tone of voice. which is also cute and im still not over
the word of your body was pretty stationary tbh, but instead of having some chairs be a tree, they used a spotlight outlined like a tree
during the dark i know well, martha played acoustic guitar and it was so good im
(also by this point the stage was returned to just being a stage, like without the water parts) the beating scene was pretty typical as far as i remember. nobody laughed (thank god)
during moritz and his father’s scene, i’ve noticed a lot of productions don’t make it seem as serious as it could/should be but here it definitely was. moritz was audibly slapped multiple times and slams moritz down into a chair in the front of the stage.
frau gabor is brought out with a table and a chair across from him and he angrily sings and then there were none directly at her. the boys don’t come out and surround him, u just hear their voices but it highlights his thoughts and how he’s isolated
they didn’t have a hanging platform for mirror blue night. but the choreo made up for it tbh like it was still weird choreo but the boys are more incorporated liked they picked melchior up and held him above their heads and then when they put him down, they grabbed him until he shoved them off. idk it was cool but hard to describe.
i believe was typical as far as i remember tbh. they had chairs stacked up in the center and my mom was like “what’s that for” and i was like “i have no idea” but we guessed that maybe it was a hay bale to represent the hayloft. melchior put off more rapey vibes to me here than in some productions. also they didn’t unbutton wendla’s shirt but melchior ripped his off and underneath he was jacked and tbh i wasn’t ready i was sh ook and its all i thought about for most of intermission.
the guilty ones: the stage now has platforms moved so there’s a space of water on each side and a raised platform following it. the middle of the stage is normal level so it’s like there’s a step on each side. melchior and wendla were in the front and center, and interspersed throughout the stage were all the boys and girls paired off into four groups.
two groups of 2 girls + 1 boy, a group of a girl and a boy, and a group of two boys (but im like? pretty sure it wasn’t hernst so idk. i think i was georg and bobby but i? couldn’t see their faces very well). all the groups were like feeling each other up and kissing while they sang.
moritz comes in and i don’t do sadness starts out pretty typically. but when he stomps you can feel it bc the space is small so angst x10. when ilse comes on she looks like she’s just wondering through town, she pauses and looks at moritz for a sec and then she’s like “moritz??” and moritz runs all the way across the stage to hide from her on the steps so she can’t see the gun. he also moves her standing mic on stage when he comes back on. 
he and ilse sit in the center part and interact before she sings blue wind. the whole time she’s singing blue wind, moritz stays sitting and looks super conflicted but mostly like he’s about to just lose it crying. then they both sing. while they’re singing u know they both typically face forward and they do that some but they also ran at one another and sang directly at each other, holding their hands out towards each other but not touching. 
then as he’s telling ilse bye again, his voice is cracking like he really really wants to go with her but he’s just... done. ilse storms off and the suicide monologue is awful bc moritz’s voice is cracking the whole time and im dying in the theater. after moritz shoots himself, he runs off stage right.
martha and melchior come out and are upper stage left. martha has a guitar and is sitting on the ground. her guitar case is sitting in front of her. melchior has a standing mic. moritz’s dad is upper stage right and is reading a letter, getting progressively more upset. 
and moritz is in the center, on a raised platform in front of square of water. he’s got his school notebook and is writing in it and he’s in a pool of white light and he looks happy. as they bring their flowers up, each person stops and looks at moritz, some reaching out for him, before walking up in front of martha to drop their flower in her guitar case. as more people come up, moritz starts laughing and playing in the water, splashing it at first and then jumping in (the water is super shallow like feet deep) and he starts throwing the water on himself and washing his face with it and stuff.
then eventually moritz leaves. when he does, otto and georg take the platform and set it on top of the water he was playing in, like. sealing his grave. (and there’s me, in the theater, REALLY dying)
at the end of left behind everyone lined up on the back wall with their backs facing the audience and then melchior comes out blah blah and then it gets lit like honestly it was so GOOD. everyone was angrily jumping around (which you could hear and FEEL) and getting up in the front rows face tbh (i was not front row smh) and the spotlights went crazy over the audience, first white and then rainbow colors. there were pillars near the front row and ernst and another boy jumped on them and like humped the air idk. melchior’s facial expressions were great. he was p sarcastic tbh. it was 1 of the best totally fucked’s ive ever seen imo
the vineyard scene was great. people laughed at it but im pretty sure it’s just because a lot of them knew the actors tbh? there was an opening of water and ernst (who was so small im) sat on the platform behind it and played in the water while he talked about being a pastor. hanschen stood across the stage. when hanschen kisses ernst he like. gently lays him down and their kisses are long like rip my gay heart. as they leave they’re holding hands and hanschen pulls ernst’s hand really close to his heart and i died
during whispering, melchior stands behind wendla in a blue light with his hand on her shoulders and sings like... not echos of whispering but different lyrics that i unfortunately can’t remember but i do remember that they sounded threatening tbh
the reformatory boys were good and my mom was shook af about the circle jerk scene she looked at me like ?!? and then later she was like “i do not remember that”(from the boot i showed her) i  was like idk maybe if ud paid attention
during those you’ve known the entire stage was water except the front lip and 3 platforms, one for moritz, melchi, and wendla. melchior mostly walks/sits on the front lip until like almost the end of the song. moritz and wendla stand on two of the platforms from the beginning (with 1 platform in between them) and they’re stock still, like. statues. melchior pauses in front of moritz when he says moritz’s line. then he walks over in front of wendla. when moritz starts singing he like... jumps to like and looks around for a second and then looks at melchior and kneels. same with wendla. then it’s typical those you’ve known until melchior moves to the center platform and pulls moritz and wendla off their platforms and to his when he pulls them close. moritz and wendla look like they’re about to cry and im not sure if that’s bc it was closing night or if they actually were supposed to look like it tbh
now for the best part. the song of purple summer. the stage is entirely water now. some of the actors come up from the aisles as ilse sings and some come from back stage. they’re all in their costumes. ilse pulls off her shirt and underneath she’s wearing a bathing suit. they all strip down into bathing suits and they play in the water with each other, like slinging it at each other, smiling and laughing and hugging and crying and im emotional. at the end they all reached into the water and did like some movement but basically they slung water towards the audience rip
anyway the show was fantastic. i really dug the water stage a lot? like ive never seen anything like it and it was such a good idea?? and i know i didn’t explain it that well but t b h
also i spoke to the actor of moritz briefly after the show and he was crying and hugging all of his friends and when we went up to him to tell him that it was good he was like “oh my god thank you im sorry im crying but oh my god it means a lot” and it was really cute okay
anyway thanks for listening to me ramble on sorryy
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ratherembarrassing · 7 years
Text
STUFF I LIKED IN SUPERGIRL 211 -- a list
???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
i was right about so many things, which i love, BUT GOD AT WHAT COST.
MY HEART:
“ever since i’ve been on earth, i don’t know what life is like without you there all the time. i felt that changing and it just, just… was scary”
(GUYS I CRIED.)
it didn’t matter that it wasn’t to alex for real, what she was saying was real. kara is so lonely, and it breaks my goddamn heart. and like....
alex and kara, oh my god danvers sisters i love you forever. once again the show completely justifies its viewers having some faith, and i could have had a peaceful morning instead of what actually happened when i woke up to that clip. guys, come on. the only thing this show does consistently is put kara and alex first with each other.
but this is so real. people acquire significant others and disappear from life. it happens all the time. and tbh it sucks to be the one left behind. this is a totally normal thing that sucks about the way western society organises its people, and for kara it’s a million times worse.
but what is alex supposed to do? not have her own life? that’s awful too. this is awful, BUT THIS PART OF LIFE IS AWFUL. i may relate to this specific plot point way too much. don’t mind me. kara my bb it will be okaaaaaaay.
also: “it is so exhausting pretending to care about your silly little feelings.” i hope this comes up again. i’m a masochist, i don’t want kara to just be magically fine.
MY SANITY:
ALEX YOUR TASTE IN MEN IS AWFUL.
(AS AWFUL AS YOUR TASTE IN MUSIC.)
WHY DID YOU DO THAT?????
it’s so hard to tell what they’re going for here, because they went hard on kara not not not liking mon-el. and they maintained it, even in her wavering at the end, there was still a question. to alex it was, you’re upset about me because you want that dumbass alien, but remember: DANVERS SISTERS FIRST. and this episode didn’t actually resolve anything. kara is lonely and mon-el is there. kara wants him because she’s upset about alex and every other person in her life abandoning her.
(tbh this entire episode has taken so much wind out of my sails re where i thought the season was going. because i think they meant to wrap up kara and alex’s problems and if that’s the case, then...??????????)
because they diiiiiiiiiid waver on kara’s feelings. there is a question on them. we’re not there. we’re not home. and i hope like crazy they don’t drop the underlying reason why kara would even look at mon-el, and that this doesn’t turn into kara pining after him because suddenly her feelings are meant to be genuine.
I’M GOING TO CONTINUE TO BELIEVE THAT’S WHAT IS HAPPENING, UNTIL IT’S NOT WHAT’S HAPPENING. IT’S JUST EASIER TO LIVE MY LIFE THAT WAY.
me as kara looked longingly down the bar: BOTTLE EPISODE SAVE US.
me as m’gann stepped in front of mon-el down the bar: M’GANN SAVED US.
me with 10 minutes left: there are still 10 minutes left IM SCARED.
me with 3 minutes left: THERE ARE STILL SO MANY MINUTES LEFT FOR KARA TO MAKE BAD CHOICES.
stray thoughts:
SHARON LEAL WE DID NOT DESERVE YOU AND WE DID NOT DESERVE TO KEEP YOU JUST FOR YOU TO BE WASTED THIS WAY.
but m’gann got to go out a hero and i’m always here for that.
(dear show: please stop writing off your women of color?????? remember lucy lane???????)
JEREMY JORDAN! he must have had so much fun with that.
alex: *signals*
kara: what????
maggie and alex: your shared bad taste in music is how i know you’re going to die of old age together. wtf.
SERIOUSLY WTF??? OF ALL THE BANDS???
maggie, you’re adorable. i’m sorry you girlfriend’s sister is a needy alien, but it’s nice that you’re cool about it.
where are vasquez and the asian guy demos (according to imdb???)? are they off telling lena she did a good job two and a half months ago?
“this did not used to happen at catco”
no it did not. on so many levels.
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comicteaparty · 5 years
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November 29th, 2018 CTP Archive
The archive for the Comic Tea Party chat that occurred on November 29th, 2018, from 5PM - 7PM PST.  The chat focused on Numb by Niina Eveliina Salmelin.
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RebelVampire
COMIC TEA PARTY- THURSDAY BOOK CLUB START!
Good evening, everyone~! This week’s Thursday Book Club is officially beginning! Today we are discussing Numb by Niina Eveliina Salmelin~! (http://www.NiinaEveliina.com/numb/)
Remember that Thursday discussions are completely freeform! However, every 30 minutes I will drop in OPTIONAL discussion questions in case you’d like a bit of a prompt. If you miss out on one of these prompts, you can find them pinned for the chat’s duration. Additionally, remember that while constructive criticism is allowed, our focus is fun and respectfully appreciating the comic. All that said, let’s begin!
QUESTION 1. What is your favorite scene in the comic so far and why?
NiinaEveliina
Hi folks! I'm the author of Numb and actually managed to wake up and join in the chat. Looking forward for the discussion and trying to avoid spilling any spoilers (edited)
RebelVampire
glad to see you could make it~!
i think my favorite scene was perhaps the one in carl and the thief's...mind space for lack of a better phrase for it. i really enjoyed seeing the possession kind of presented as a physical dilemma of sorts and not something that just happened and carl was just gone. but i also liked the entire eeriness of it cause it really opened lots of question doors and set up that intense sense of yup, something definitely is wrong
mathtans
Hiyo, I'm here, though at a moment's notice I'll need to drop everything and help put the little one to bed. ^^ I also only managed to read to the end of Part 5 (so to the end of 2017).
Yeah, some good eerie scenes in general. Rebel, do you mean the bit where Carl was bricking up Carl behind the wall...?
Also, hello to author/artist.
RebelVampire
yes that scene
NiinaEveliina
Hello, glad you could make it!
Ohh the possession sequence was a real joy to do, with figuring out how to do the visuals for it.
mathtans
That was an interesting visual. As for me, three scenes kind of stand out, let's hope I remember these...
I liked the bit near the start when Carl was talking about Amy's imaginary friends. Partly because it made me think of my own daughter (still very wee, granted), and partly because something seemed to be happening in the background, some guy with a hood, and little things like that amuse me. Neat way to make possible exposition less boring.
Second scene that I thought was great, mostly for comedic value, was when Susan was leaving the hospital to have a smoke, and then her cigarette wasn't there - Levi had it. Because of Nikita. Nice sign of things being more than they seemed. Less violent than the vase too, subtle.
RebelVampire
in regards to the first scene i think the event that was going on in the bg was the woman getting possessed by the thief. or at least she looks very similar to the woman who later brings the thief to carl
mathtans
Rebel: Oh wow, good catch.
RebelVampire
i loved nikita's choice of trying to send susan a sign. cause that was hilarious and i wish wed seen what susan was thinking. did she think she was crazy? did she think levi was a weirdo? who knows
nikita is a great trickster though
i loved him freaking out those old ladies with their nasty gossip
NiinaEveliina
Yes, this is correct @RebelVampire. It's that kind of pretty vague hint that readers can spot on their second time. I love putting small things like that in stories
mathtans
I wonder if maybe Susan thought that she'd put the cigarette there, because who else could it have been, and then forgotten.
NiinaEveliina
That cigarette gave Susan hard time, for sure
mathtans
Oh YES, that scene with the ladies going off on that kid, and then just the image of them with their cups upended on them, that was great too.
I'd forgotten that one.
Here's the big one for me though. That scene with Susan at the bottom of the stairs, calling out to Carl. Where the blood underneath her kind of bled (literally?) into the shading of the stairs, and it was just red, and dialled the creepy factor up to 11 for me.
NiinaEveliina
I think it's safe for me to say my favourite part as well? Even though it's really hard to pick, it's gotta be the moment after Thief/Carls attack, where Levi and Nikita meet again. Nikita allows Levi to help him up. and there's a tiny bit of trust formed there, as they walk out the house together. (Also, a big part for me to love that moment was the fact that I was finally able to get Levi out of that hospital bed.)
mathtans
I'm not big on horror, but I'm not so bad with watching it, because usually I can mentally write off supernatural stuff as "not real". So I could appreciate the weird, eerie stuff up to that point, but it didn't make me flinch. But that bit with the stairs - and maybe it's because I kind of saw it coming during the confrontation - that was too real. Too much. Had to walk away from my binge for a few hours there. (I mean this in a good way.)
Niina: That was nice, yes. Levi was kind of at a crossroads there, and it's good that they were able to help each other out, even when Nikita brushed him off.
NiinaEveliina
Gossip grannies always manage to bring out a response out of people @mathtans This kind of stuff is really interesting to hear. I'm glad it was still a good kind of shock for you!
mathtans
Very effective use of colour, and maybe angles and such too.
NiinaEveliina
I'm big fan of horror, so I sometimes have to wonder when I do certain scenes: when it's too much. Hearing this kind of perspective is always good.
RebelVampire
yeah the color work whenever the basement became involved was really great. cause basements are creepy as is, so it was great to see them become as creepy as i expected. lthough i think what really dialed the creepiness up for me in that scene was susan calling out to carl that she thinks shes hurt. because at that point its such a no duh thing that susan's helplessnesss really sinks in. and nothing is more worrisome about the supernatural than the realization you cant do shit about it. Niina: I did enjoy that moment of bonding and understanding. Especially given that Nikita seems kind of stubborn and it was good to see him accept he needed help.
mathtans
One of those "okay, overloaded now" moments. Tough for me to say exactly why.
Rebel: Yeah, the calling out probably helped cement it too, now that you say that. In particular, that she thinks he might help. >.<
NiinaEveliina
I think what makes it horrific, is that Susan and Carl were so close, so there's no way she could have seen it coming. Just a 5 mins ago before thief arrived, Carl was just nagging and worrying about her.
mathtans
Since I don't read a lot of horror, I may not be your target audience either. It's tough for me to say what is or isn't too much there.
Funny thing too btw, I didn't really like Susan. Personal pet peeve about smoking, and she also seemed like something of a killjoy, or one who dishes things out but can't always take it when things turn back towards her novel.
But that death... damn, didn't deserve that. Felt bad.
RebelVampire
its okay math. im not the target audience either, though for the opposite reason. im so numb to it that things that should be scary im just like "seems like a normal tuesday to me." XD
mathtans
(Assuming it's a for sure death - I haven't gotten into the 2018 stuff yet. Maybe she's a ghost now.)
Oooh, title drop by Rebel.
RebelVampire
not even on purpose
missed opportunities
i will spoil it and say its a for sure death minus the ghost issue
which i wanna give props to that
so few stories actually kill someone off
to the point i lived in denial
and was like "nah susan is fine someone will get her help nobody ever dies"
NOPE
mathtans
There is that. Well, that's sad.
Should've died of cancer!
NiinaEveliina
I don't know (about the target audience thing), I find it really hard to put Numb in only horror category and see it more as a mixture of different genres. I'd like to think that all kind of readers will get something out of it. Of course, they have to be able to stomach those extreme scenes as well @mathtans hahaha!
mathtans
Yeah, it's not for sure horror. There's elements of fantasy too.
I'm bad for recognizing genres. Particularly with my own stuff.
RebelVampire
speaking of susan, though, i can see where shed be irritating. but man did carl's nagging about her book feel so relateable because writing is hard and somedays you just want to think nothing about book writing
QUESTION 2. Many of the supernatural events are driven by the appearance of the “thief.” Who or what do you think the thief is? Why is the thief continually transferring bodies? Additionally, what is the thief even running from so desperately? What does this have to do with all the voices, including Tim’s, that Carl hears when he becomes possessed? What do you think the thief’s end goal is? How do you think the thief was able to touch Nikita, and why did the thief seem so sure Nikita was going to hurt it? Also, how are Nikita and the thief connected, if at all? Lastly, do you think Carl will recover from the thief’s possession, or is he forever doomed?
chateaugrief
hello thursday book clubbers! Hi @NiinaEveliina I really enjoyed reading your comic! regarding 'extreme scenes' do you really think that the scenes from numb were extreme? what's everyones opinion on level of blood violence?
mathtans
Also, Levi's apartment and stuff for Susan issues. Though apparently she writes well, according to Nikita.
NiinaEveliina
@mathtans It's fun to see that perspective on Susan! To me her smoking was actually really important. In my childhood most of my family, friends and people around me were heavy smokers. Still they were the ones to tell me hardest "never you start ok" and I actually never have smoked a cig in my life, probably because of those smokey lungs were so much against it, ironically So there's something very nostalgic about her to me.
mathtans
I didn't have an issue with the blood. But it's not really a squick for me, and I wonder if watercolours mutes it a bit?
chateaugrief
I'd agree with mathtans that the abstraction of the art really created a bit of distance for me from the horror elements, muted it a bit perhaps?
mathtans
Niina: That's neat background info! Yeah, my family has some history of asthma and I have an allergy to smoke in particular. So I'm prejudiced against smokers. Nothing personal.
I'm not sure if it distanced me from the horror, just the violence.
NiinaEveliina
@chateaugrief I'd say the overall themes are pretty heavy and the obvious scenes like throwing Sue down the stairwell and Nikita getting knife'd. From the audience reactions, I'd say those would be the most 'gorey'. @mathtans yeah, all good :)
chateaugrief
good point, there was still major suspense
RebelVampire
id say the scenes in numb were still pretty extreme though, but thats in comparison to contemporary webcomics. and a good majority of "horror" webcomics are actually real mild in comparison. but thats just my opinion and based solely on my reading repitoire, and horror is hard to come by in webcomics in general unless you go looking for it.
mathtans
Regarding the latest question, not quite sure about thief's origins, assuming it's only one person - because I'm pretty sure Tim merged with the thief. Remember how Levi remembered that Tim had changed a bunch before he died? I think there's something to that.
RebelVampire
yeah, im 100% aboard the tim got possessed train
it is the most logical sense
NiinaEveliina
And I gotta say I'm happy that the visuals have been there to distance people from the violence. Because I never wanted Numb to be that kind of shock violence, in-your-face kind of mess. So it was my aim to find balance between the extreme nature of the violence but still keeping it, you know, tasteful.
chateaugrief
that's interesting, @RebelVampire because i've seen a lot of creators tag stuff with the tiniest bit of blood as mature, even in a non-violent context. I didn't think Numb was particularly gory, despite the scenes mentioned. The framing of the shots made them practically happen offscreen...which only heightened that suspense and atmosphere. Was very well done I thought
mathtans
Yeah, some of the framing was pretty well done. Like in the scenes where Carl has the knife.
chateaugrief
yes, those eyes staring out of the blacked out face!
mathtans
So Tim merged with the thief... is he a part of thief now then? Or did he kill himself to try and get away, and is now part of a band of ghosts trying to take thief down? I'm not clear whose side he's on.(edited)
NiinaEveliina
I better keep my mouth shut while the Thief talk, this is very interesting to follow
RebelVampire
nah i wouldnt say it was gory at all, but it was extreme in other ways which is why id still label it as extreme. becuase suspense can do a lot to make mild gore feel extreme. and more the issue with numb is it was realistic. because susan's death was something that could happen to anyone. so gory? definitely not. but extreme in the sense that it would unsettle ppl a lot and probably require a mature tag, yes probably. but again, specification this is compared to contemporary webcomics
if we start including other mediums its super duper mild
NiinaEveliina
@RebelVampire This is very true
mathtans
I mostly just read webcomics for this chat. I don't know what's mainstream.
chateaugrief
i'm such a newbie to webcomics that I probably take my expectations from other mediums. why I'm here, I want to learn.
RebelVampire
no time like the present to get started.
i feel like tim merged with the thief? like i kind of dont feel like you escape the thief once it possesses you
chateaugrief
so @NiinaEveliina how did you decide on the style of art that you chose?
RebelVampire
more likely i think levi mightve killed tim in self defense or something?
so tim is stuck forever
💩💩💩YY 💩💩💩
So I've only gotten to the point where Levi is in the hospital and he claims that there was someone there on the street. 9v9llll And I'm already quaking in mah boots. OH MAN... hides in non-existent sheets
mathtans
Maybe thief is a soul fleeing the grim reaper... except Nikita told Susan to move away from the voices after death, and she'd be fine. So maybe thief is the grim reaper, gone a bit off in the head?
RebelVampire
i kind of get the impression that the thief is an escapee, like the thief escaped a larger entity or escaped death itself. and now its on the run trying to avoid death
cause death sucks
who wants to be dead
nobody
thats who
💩💩💩YY 💩💩💩
This silly bean was not expecting this and now I'm not sure if I have the guts to continue. ; V ; slowly clicks next page
mathtans
Rebel: Oh, maybe. I hadn't considered that (the self defense). Fun fact, it occurred to me that Levi indirectly killed Susan. Because if he hadn't delayed her with his talk about Nikita, she would've left the house to look for Amy, rather than getting locked in by Carl.(edited)
chateaugrief
that was one of the funniest moments when Nikita says 'will you trust me if I tell you that dying is bad and you don't want to be dead'. (edited)
mathtans
Y'know who sucks? Thief. Death seems like the better alternative.
Cuz thief tries to be charming and stuff, then pushes your friends down a flight of stairs.
Going back to chateau's remark, yeah, watercolours is an interesting medium. I think we've only had one other webcomic here that uses them.
chateaugrief
i've seen a lot of webcomics that use digital media that's made to look like watercolor though. It's quite a beautiful look done well!
RebelVampire
man that moment with nikita telling susan about death really sticks to me now that i know susan be dead for real. cause the entire time i was like "this is strange advice for a character who isnt going to die."
and then the death was real
so now im like "great and depressing advice there nikita"
as another thief theory, i think the thief continually is transferring bodies to get rid of the voices of all the souls its kind of absorbed along its travels, but ironically the more it transfers the mroe souls it gathers
a tragic cycle
mathtans
That's a great theory. Snake eating it's own tail sort of thing.
chateaugrief
it did appear to absorb souls didn't it? I just realized that
incidentally, I found that listing the characters for every page was Super Useful for me as a new reader to keep everyone semi-straight in my head. Kudos
NiinaEveliina
@chateaugrief I decided the artstyle based on what I wanted to learn to do basically. I was terrible with watercolors/colors in general, and knew that if I used those in Numb, I'd HAD to learn them eventually Of course now they play such a big role in the comic, I cant even imagine numb without color anymore. Otherwise the cartoony/mangaish mishmash style was chosen because it allows me to really have fun with character expressions and go wild with them. I also take lot of inspiration from animation, and wanted to give a sense of movement to the characters with my best ability.
mathtans
Related to thief, I wonder what the deal is with the wheat field.
RebelVampire
the wheat field seems related to death in some way? cause it conveniently showed up when susan died
so maybe its the grim reaper?
chateaugrief
@NiinaEveliina thank you so much for choosing color. I have to thank every comic creator who goes the extra mile and uses color. It's hard, but it's so worth it! Really makes the story pop. How could those pages with the blood look half as good in black and white?
RebelVampire
or the bad grim reaper
chateaugrief
grain reaper
mathtans
You win the evening with that comment.
NiinaEveliina
hahaha
Superjustinbros
Hey there!
NiinaEveliina
@chateaugrief heck yea, color all the way!
Superjustinbros
Hope I'm not too late.
NiinaEveliina
Hi!
Superjustinbros
Hello!
chateaugrief
back on the character styles being a mix of manga and western, I thought that was a very interesting balance, I tend to prefer western style so that's what I saw...but now thinking about it I can see the influence of both. Interesting line to walk!
NiinaEveliina
tbh, all these thief, nikita's advice and the field theories are making my day
Superjustinbros
Manga/western mixes are perhaps one of my favorites so it's always good to see works that adapt to that style~
NiinaEveliina
@chateaugrief Theres a big blend probably because my childhood influences came from all directions, western, euro and japanese comic were all around from an really early age, so they have fused together in my style I think
chateaugrief
@NiinaEveliina any works that you consider to have particularly inspired you?
mathtans
Maybe when thief started out, they didn't possess people. Hence hanging around in forests as a disembodied voice. Maybe the people thing is more recent.
Maybe it's something Tim did.
RebelVampire
QUESTION 3. Nikita is perhaps the most mysterious individual in the story. How do you think Nikita became a ghost (or whatever you think he is)? How long do you think he’s been that way? What might it have to do with what he told Susan after he found her injured? Why do you think Nikita has been avoiding Levi since the incident at Carl’s house? Is it fear or is Nikita just still mad about Levi’s dealings with everyone? In the comic, we also see some of Nikita’s life. What do you think happened to Nikita’s dad and mom given the medicine both seem to require? Who is Misha, and why did it cause Nikita’s mom to have a temporary meltdown? What do you think happened with Nikita’s relationship with Julia, whether in the past or in the current timeline?
thats an interesting thought that tim did something
maybe tim was the first
started the whole chain
chateaugrief
sounds plausible. I'm not to the part where we see nikita's backstory yet...at least I don't think I was
mathtans
Tim performed a ritual. Bad Tim.
chateaugrief
I was curious as to why Nikita just 'dropped Levi as a friend' after being friendly to him. I didn't understand why he did it. It felt like Nikita overreacted to whatever it was Levi said, and i couldnt' see why.
NiinaEveliina
@chateaugrief Donald Duck stories from the great Carl Barks and Don Rosa, Bone from Jeff Smith, Battle Angel Alita, Rumiko Takashi's work and Sandman are the first few comics that pop to my mind. The list is endless There's also huge influence from films on numb. Old italian horror films such as Suspiria and the beyond are great examples, especially for the trippy visuals.
mathtans
Here's one thing I wondered about Nikita and his interactions. When he threw the vase, it was like there wasn't a vase in the room. When he spilled the chess pieces, the guy thought he hadn't brought them. Can Nikita actually destroy our reality? Or are our brains that desperate to think of explanations for the stuff he does?
Levi has issues. Don't want them to rub off. ^^
chateaugrief
@NiinaEveliina ah .... some one's I've seen and some I haven't. I'll be sure to check them out
RebelVampire
i think its the latter, that our brains reject the supernatural so hard core we invent whatever seems the most logical to compensate.
cause susan especially seems that type
NiinaEveliina
@chateaugrief I swear the list changes every time I'm asked, there's just so many :D
RebelVampire
who will pick any reason that does not include the supernatural
mathtans
OH. Just thought of something. Carl could see Nikita. Tim could see things too, and possibly Amy. Maybe thief can only possess people who can see things like Nikita. Might be why he never tried for Susan.
The only way to protect yourself is not to believe.
RebelVampire
i suppose thats possible, although we have an immensely small sample size
and couldnt carl only see nikita after he was possessed?
mathtans
Carl gave Nikita an apple in an early scene.
But yeah, not necessarily enough people to draw conclusions.
RebelVampire
i dont remember this. i remember carl giving an apple to the lady that was possessed by the thief
mathtans
Oh, was it the lady? Maybe I got crossed up. It was the first time we saw Nikita, outside the hospital?
RebelVampire
http://www.NiinaEveliina.com/numb/comic/chapter-1-25-2/
mathtans
Ah, you're right, wires got crossed. We saw that apple later, and it was kind of rotten, so that makes sense too.
RebelVampire
on a side note, i enjoyed thief!carl punching nikita. cause the look on nikita's face was priceless. not that i cheer for his pain, but man was that a great expression because he didnt expect it at all
mathtans
True that.
I wonder if being in the proximity of death made him visible and corporeal to everyone. That's why Susan could see him.
RebelVampire
i think more likely the thief was special and susan was the one whose dyingness made her able to see him
since the topic of nikita and levi's relationship was brought up, i feel like nikita is just slow to trust and i feel like hes been a ghost long enough that hes not as used to having to tell ppl where hes going and such
chateaugrief
speaking of punching Nikita...he was a ghost right? do ghosts bleed? perhaps the punch made him non spectral?
punched straight out of the afterlife.
RebelVampire
i feel like it did make him non spectral
although im really curious about whether or not he couldve actually died again
mathtans
Maybe Nikita's having issues as a ghost, because he can't take his meds any more. Gets harder and harder to talk to people.
I feel like it might've been worse than death. Even after the wounds "healed", Nikita said it still hurt.
chateaugrief
only thing creepier than a ghost is a ghost obsessively swallowing adhd meds
NiinaEveliina
punched straight out of the afterlife... just to get stabbed. No wonder he's salty(edited)
mathtans
"One Punch Carl".
chateaugrief
Carl was the boss. I liked his character. Susan was a bit hard on him, seemed to see criticism from him at every turn, but I felt like it was genuine concern coming from him.
I could be confusing Susan with the other girl....
RebelVampire
i see both sides of the carl susan relationship. cause im sure his concern was genuine, but at the same time i also understand how concern eventually becomes nagging
ya know who really got the short end of the stick in all this story though?
amy
amy basically has little to no agency
and all this bad shit keeps happening
and everyone is lying to her
mathtans
I do shake my head at the one Carl scene. Where his daughter, who's already established as someone who maybe skips classes, talks about going into the woods. And Carl's like, "yeah, don't do that, okay go out to the bus now". Like, maybe watch her board the bus? What did you have to do that was so important?
RebelVampire
about whats going on
chateaugrief
yes that was the other girl! couldn't remember her name she had so little agency
mathtans
Yeah, Amy's imaginary friends even gave themselves up for her.
chateaugrief
poor girl, she was trying
mathtans
I'm really bad with names, usually. Not sure why I haven't tripped up yet. Maybe it's the reasonably sized cast?
Or the tags.
chateaugrief
I really liked the tags
but I only discovered they were there at about chapter 3
it really cleared up the characters a bit for me, but i'm kinda fuzzy on some of them
RebelVampire
math you havent even gotten to the sadder part with the imaginary friends XD
that broke my heart a bit for them
cause tbf they probably arent imaginary
mathtans
Oh noes. O.o
I wondered about that.
RebelVampire
but that is debateable tbf
i dont think theyre imaginary though
mathtans
Okay, we haven't had enough crazy theories yet. So, Nikita's dad is really also Tim's dad. They're half brothers. Boom!
RebelVampire
cuse if they are amy is super creative and has way better designed imaginary friends then i ever did
chateaugrief
......O.O.......
mathtans
tbf I think Amy is super creative. She was trying to do drawings and stuff. (Though she may be creative but not have art skill.)
chateaugrief
and she was very young, she was definitely trying. She's not dead yet is she? plenty of room for character development
mathtans
Also, she's adopted. Boom! shrugs
RebelVampire
amy definitely isnt dead
yet
QUESTION 4. Levi has his own mysteries and problems going on, past and present. What do you think happened between him, Susan, and Tim given certain flashbacks we’ve seen? What do you think Levi and Tim saw that day in the woods, and why were only Levi and Tim able to see it? Why did Levi lie to dream Susan about not seeing Tim sometimes in his dreams? In other words, what is Levi emotionally avoiding? Do you think that Levi will be able to get over what happened at Carl’s house? Also, do you believe that he will be able to help Amy? What about Kiwi who seems to have known Nikita and who is now Amy’s roommate? Finally, do you believe Levi is safe from the thief, or are the two destined to encounter each other again?
chateaugrief
Nyarlathotep
is the dad
mathtans
Levi and Tim seemed to see an opening, if memory serves?
Also, Levi seems to have trust issues. Like, he doesn't seem to think anyone will believe him. Including himself, maybe.
RebelVampire
i think levi is more afraid of being alone and ostracized
that is the impression i get from him
which is why he does what he must to fit in with the club
mathtans
Actually, Tim was always Levi's imaginary friend. Levi believed so hard that Susan could see Tim too.
Yeah, he doesn't want to be alone, I can see that.
RebelVampire
im still gonna go with the levi hurt tim in self defense when tim went psycho possessed. and that in turn tore the group apart cause nobody wanted to talk about what happened.
that would be an amazing twist for tim
mathtans
What if Levi actually was the first one possessed by thief. And it ended up going to Tim. And that's why Levi has abandonment issues.
I can't tell if I'm doing crazy theories or normal ones.
RebelVampire
i think that one still qualifies as crazy but i mean its not implausible
chateaugrief
I really don't have enough info to make theories.... these sound good. I could go with any of these
mathtans
Do we know much about Carl's wife?
RebelVampire
no but i assume dead
because youre not to the part but they send amy to an orphanage
because they cant get in contact with any other relatives
mathtans
Gotcha. Wondered if Levi knew her in some way. Not sure if it's connected.
RebelVampire
idk
tbh ive really been trying to figure out how carl knows them and what the nature of their relationship is
cause carl has like 10 to 20 years on them
mathtans
Yeah. School related? Carl's job?
RebelVampire
and im not sure if this is like one of those small town where everyone just knows everyone
mathtans
Anyway, you'll have to theorize without me. Time to put little one to bed.
chateaugrief
i wondered about that, Carl looks about 50, so were the levi/susan crowd about in their 20's or perhaps late teens?
RebelVampire
ok. thanks for coming, math~!
levi is apparently late 20s and susan early 30s
by their cast pages
NiinaEveliina
@mathtans thanks for joining the chat and giving numb a change despite not being such a horror fan!
chateaugrief
I may have been thrown off by the lack of visible employment by the levi/susans, though maybe I just missed that. I've got to learn to slow down when i read webcomics. There's such a temptation to go so fast!
NiinaEveliina
The ages are pretty vague, because I don't want to forget and then conflict myself later, but it wouldn't be much of a spoiler to give a little background on Carl and Susan (I think it's on their cast info pages as well so it's not a spoiler even) but Carl was a family friend to Susans parents, who were working a lot and going abroad, so Carl looked after Susan a lot, and is basically her father figure. Carl knows Levi and Tim through Susan, since those three were childhood pals.
chateaugrief
that makes sense, it makes sense of the character dynamics too.
RebelVampire
ok that does add more context and makes more sense. and also explains why carl keeps nagging susan like a dad
or kept
cause susans dead
and carl is close to dead
now im sad
chateaugrief
pretty unlucky family, perhaps a familial curse?
RebelVampire
i just hope amy is not next on this path of death and destruction
chateaugrief
now that susan's dead I'm going to have to adjust my feelings on who is the protagonist of the story. I would have said her over Levi, but I guess it's all up to Levi now.
NiinaEveliina
Being amy is suffering
chateaugrief
Speaking of protagonists and plots and stuff @NiinaEveliina do you have a completed plot/script for this comic or are you more freeform making it up in episodes as they come?
RebelVampire
i always felt levi was the protagonist, though susan was a main character for sure. but susan seemed to have a smidgen less agency than levi in terms of who the protagonist is.
NiinaEveliina
@chateaugrief Everything is on my head, as I'm dreadful at actually writing things down, but the whole story has a script/plot that I follow. But I'm open with it in a way that I know what will happen, but HOW it will happen is free to change if the story seems to drift more to other way. As I have done this comic further, I learn to know the characters more, so some actions I planned for them may not make sense anymore, or just that they would go about it differently. Those kind of things may change.
I have vague idea how many pages the story will need, but as I do chapters, I don't have set page number for them. (that's something I will start using on my next project after numb, but with Numb I'm gonna roll with the flow)
chateaugrief
I always wonder about the page numbering thing because of the strict expectations with print form comics on page counts and things, at least in American comics. It always sounded very hard to structure your story around pages that way
NiinaEveliina
Yeah, but I can see the perks in that too. Helps you to trim down the story and keep on track with things.
chateaugrief
that's something I really should ask, you use some very complicated page layouts, and I think they flow quite well. How do you plan your pages, do you begin with the panel structure and fit your story to the panels or what?
choosing panel structures has always been mysterious to me
RebelVampire
COMIC TEA PARTY- THURSDAY BOOK CLUB END!
Sadly, this wraps up this week’s Thursday Book Club chat for now. Thank you so much to everyone for reading and joining us! We want to give a special thank you to Niina Eveliina Salmelin, as well, for making Numb. If you liked the comic, make sure to support Niina Eveliina Salmelin’s efforts however you’re able to~!
Read and Comment: http://www.NiinaEveliina.com/numb/
Niina’s Ko-Fi: https://ko-fi.com/A3202ONF
Niina’s Redbubble: https://www.redbubble.com/people/Speardog?asc=u
Niina’s Twitter: https://twitter.com/NSalmelin
Comic Tea Party- Thursday Book Club
Next week’s Thursday Book Club will be about Pin Porter Girl Detective by Robin Gee and Ethan Bartlett. For participants, you have the next week to read as much of the comic as you would like~! We hope to see you on Thursday, December 6th, from 5PM to 7PM PST for the chat in #thursday_bookclub!
Comic’s Main Site: http://pinporterdetective.com/
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women question thingy cuz im bored
GENERAL WOMANHOOD: 1. Do you like the color pink? nnnot really? pastel pink is kinda cool i guess 2. Did you play with Barbie dolls as a child? ye 3. How easily do you cry? not very? but more so now than before 4. What food do you eat the most of when you’re sad? i eat whatever tbh i dont sad eat? 5. How often do you experience boob sweat? whenever i sweat zz 6. How moody are you when you are you are on your period? doesnt really matter? idk 7. Have you ever thought you were pregnant because your period was late? binch i dont even get a text back i cant have sex HAHAHA 8. Have you ever been on the pill? no, but like my periods are so fucking bizarre so idk but ??? 9. Would you ever want to have children someday? tbh idk i guess but im still too young to decide lol 10. Have you ever given birth? If not, would you ever want to? no, and idk yet :v 11. How good of a cook do you consider yourself? a little above average because i just throw food in without recipes and stuff but my mother is a wizard 12. What is your favorite thing to cook? egg.. ngl its just crack dat bitch and cook it its easy af HAHA  13. Can you sew? ye i guess but not actual clothes 14. Do you consider yourself a feminist? i think so, but like i’m not “active” and also wtf is wrong with “feminists” that want death to men like seriously you’re also part of the problem yall crazy 15. How do you define “girl power?” power specifically for girls, may it be over their body or themselves?? 16. Have you ever wished you were born a male? a little but only cuz that one time i think i was gay for a friend and it would be much easier to come to terms with it, speaking of which i dont even know my sexuality but i dont really care LOL 17. Breastfeeding or formula? breastfeeding  18. What is your opinion of equal pay? its important!! but then if we’re not looking at gender its unfair if someone who does jackshit gets the same pay as someone working their literal ass off. instead of adjusting based on gender why not adjust it based on work done? if you slack off u get a pay cut if u work hard you get a raise? 19. Are you pro-life or pro-choice? ah shit uh, i think i’m both??? (that makes no sense) like i know i have no right to force someone to do something but at least maybe i’d like to talk to them about it? a life is a life /shrugs/ but ultimately it is not my choice to make if it’s not my situation, all i can do is to maybe let someone understand the morality behind say abortion. HOWEVER!!! i think birth control for period management because of certain conditions is good and this shouldn’t be taken away from people who need it!! I’m just so !!! at women getting refused treatment for a spontaneous abortion or whatever because its an abortion, but the body rejected the foetus all on its own!! she has a right to healthcare!! (i saw this on a documentary on abortion in the ph iirc and like refusing someone treatment because its not moral to “fully abort” a foetus, even though it’s already aborted by the BODY ITSELF and not by other MEANS is literally not caring for the person who needs the HELP?!?!!?? its more immoral to refuse healthcare to her than to give her healthcare to abort the foetus because the body aborted it by itself it is spontaneous sometimes it happens okay?????) 20. Have you ever experienced any sexism? If so, please explain. i dont think so tbh 21. What is one thing about women you think most men don’t know? not everyone wants your dick in their vagina shut the fuck up HAHA 22. Complete this phrase: I’m so glad I’m a woman because______. i’m not burdened by society rules about hugging my friends and make up? i have no idea tbh i’m just eh about everything am i even a woman HAHAHA
LIFE EXPERIENCES: 23. Have you ever been a Girl Scout? no 24. Have you ever been a ballerina? noo 25. Have you ever been a cheerleader? no 26. Were you ever voted as a homecoming or prom queen? can we eat prom? 27. Have you ever hosted a sleepover? yeah i guess but its just because my friends dont wanna walk one block home its great HAHA 28. Do you belong to a sorority? we dont have those things in here 29. Have you ever kept a diary or a journal? i used to keep a diary when i was a kid now i just want a bujo but where s my shit 30. American ladies: did you vote for Hillary Clinton? not american PHYSICAL APPEARANCE: 31. What is the longest your hair has ever been? a v-cut where the longest was at my asscrack 32. Have you ever cut your hair super short? shaved it for hair for hope uvu 33. What hairstyle do you wear the most? either down with a side parting or up/half-up in a hairstick, at home just an ugly ass bun. like my hair is nice but the style is meh 34. Have you ever dyed your hair? no, im afraid of spoiling it 35. What is the heaviest you have ever weighed? now im always heavy lmao  36. How muscular are you? i have some muscle in my calves and the top of my arms but im 90% fat so 37. Are your ears pierced? one on each lobe 38. Do you have any piercings anywhere besides your ears? nah 39. Do you have any tattoos? If so, of what and where? noo 40. How often do you wear lipstick or lipgloss? almost never, if i wear makeup i still forget about it LOL 41. How often do you paint your nails? rarely 42. Have you ever worn any fake eyelashes or fake nails? yes at both but fake nails dont survive  43. How often do you shave/wax your legs? i never did  44. How white are your teeth? eh not very but its not stained v badly i guess 45. What do you think is your best physical feature? my softness? 46. What do you think is your worst physical feature? fats HAHA 47. Do you have a “look” (i.e. a mad/annoyed/upset stare)? blur face 48. How good are you at communicating through facial expressions? i dont i just make potato faces FASHION STYLE: 49. What is your favorite fashion brand? prolly iora or lalu or something i think they have korean-ish/school-girl ish aesthetic  50. Do you wear skirts and dresses at all? If so, how often? ye, not v often because school is anal about it :) 51. What is your dress size? dunno but i think im like a L-XL depending on cut? 52. Do you wear any high heels or stilettos at all? If so, how often? no, dont own any 53. Have you ever worn high heels casually? no? not really nah 54. How often do you wear a bra? only in public or when non-family members are in the house 55. Does it matter if your bra and panties match or not? i alternate between only 2 bras i dont care 56. Which are you more likely to go without: a bra or panties? i forgot to wear a bra like 3 times in my life two of which i already had noticecable boobs 57. How much of your underwear is white? i have a few now? 58. Have you ever worn a skirt or a dress without any panties underneath? yo wtf dont get ur vag juices everywhere omg also everything is dirty dont do that 59. What is the shortest length of skirts and dresses you are comfortable wearing? if i fold the butt part to wrap my butt and it manages to cover my entire butt i guess but only if i have safety shorts 60. How expensive was your prom dress? shit idr 61. What clothing item do you own the most of (if shirts, be specific to what kind)? t-shirts (but not anymore-) 62. How much jewelry do you typically wear? a pair of earrings, used to have a necklace but i havent got a new chain yet 63. How much makeup do you typically wear? either full face or none, twice before concealer + eyeliner thats it 64. Do you like eyeshadow? THAT SHITE BOMB 65. Do you carry a purse? i prefer a bigger bag because i bring way too much shit 66. What is your preferred way to carry a purse: In your hand, on your elbow, or on your elbow? slung on my shoulder 67. How big is your closet? not very 68. Have you ever looked through your closet an thought “I have nothing to wear”? YES WTF BC I LOOK LIKE A HOBO (also i literally keep running out of shirts nowadays) 69. Have you ever worn the same outfit more than once? ya what do u think i am a diva? HAHA 70. One-piece swimsuits or bikinis? t-shirt and shorts 71. Have you ever worn a mismatched bikini? i never put my body into a bikini 72. Do you like tube and halter tops fat arms man :v 73. Do you like crop tops? they look aesthetic af but just not on me HAHAHAH 74. Are you comfortable showing off a little cleavage? ye i guess WEDDING CRAZE: 75. Have you ever been a bridesmaid? no but i’ve been flower girl multiple times 76. Would you ever want to get married? i guess 77. For how long have you thought about your wedding? i dont even have a crush rn so i never even thought of it 78. How much of your wedding do you already have planned out? -100% 79. Indoor or outdoor wedding? church wedding preferable in an airconditioned one imean- HAHAHA 80. Would you want to have a lot of bridesmaids or just a couple? i dont have a lot of friends DATING & RELATIONSHIPS: 81. What is your current relationship status? single as a pringle never gonna mingle 82. Do you consider yourself a hopeless romantic? no 83. Are you a virgin? If not, which gender did you lose your virginity to? yes 84. What personality trait are you most attracted to? shit uh, (judging on my 2d biases) cheerful puppy type? 85. Have you ever been on a blind date? no 86. Has anyone ever tried to set you up on a date? noo 87. Do you kiss on a first date? no  88. How often do guys hit on you? never HAHA 89. Have you ever kissed another woman? If so, did you like it? shIt ya and ya, go away 90. Have you ever dated another woman? i almost did? 91. Is sex before marriage wrong? IT’S AGAINST THE MORAL ORDER!!! according to my religion but also even if it’s not religion its good to only give yourself to another after marriage uvu. but idk 92. After how long would you start to consider a relationship to be serious? i dont know maybe a year? LOL idek if someone can stand being with my after 2 weeks 93. Would you rather your lover give you chocolate or flowers? steak.. or like meat or like good food ENTERTAINMENT: 94. What celebrity do you most admire? i dont- know-? 95. Do you like romantic comedies? Any favorites? eh dont think so 96. Do you have a favorite romantic movie? no 97. Who is your favorite Disney princess? mulan? MERIDA? idk 98. What is your favorite Disney song? shit idk 99. Do you watch The Bachelor or The Bachelorette? whats that 100. Have you ever watched Sex & The City? no 101. Have you ever watched any shows such as Project Runway or America’s Next Top Model? yeah but like random episodes on the tv with my mom, i rather watch masterchef junior but not with the newer seasons cuz my bro said the way they made it is like poo 102. Do you read romantic novels? If so, do you have any recommendations? im like -100% romantic please stop 103. Beyonce or Taylor Swift? beyonce maybe 104. Oprah Winfrey or Ellen DeGeneres? ellen? idk  A PILE OF RANDOMNESS: 105. Are you named after anyone? Dionne Warwick (not celine dion stop this shit i will fight you) 106. How many male friends do you have? nnnot many? i’m close to steffy tho yes bless uvu  107. Have you ever called your female friends your girlfriends? i can barely type “i love you” i cannot with cheesy shit so hazukashit 108. Have you ever called a non-lover a term such as honey, dear, babe, or darling? ye i call friendos bebe or something but only through text because im shy LOL 109. Have you ever dotted your I’s with a heart or a smiley face? hearts, i stopped bc a teacher was like “lol” in front of the entire class thanks 110. How many items do you own that are of a floral print design? idk but floral prints are nice 111. Name five things you always have in your purse. (not including phone and wallet) lipbalm (that i never use), axe oil (running out), vicks, tigerbalm (why do i have 2), blotting paper (also dont really use) 112. Have you ever lost anything inside your purse? my sanity jk idk 113. Have you ever carried a spare pair of underwear with you in your purse? only pads 114. What is the most amount of money you’ve ever spent in one single shopping trip? idk $60 maybe idk weep i spend it all online 115. Do you consider shopping a sport? no wtf but walking around a lot is a pain so i guess it could be 116. Have you ever used your cleavage or a bra as a purse? i use a bad stop with the purse i carry too much shit 117. Coffee or tea? tea 118. Can you do the splits? i will only split my pants and muscles open so no 119. Do you do any yoga? no 120. Have you ever been told that to have cute handwriting? yea but i think it’s messy and ugly and changes too often 121. How well can you write in cursive? look at 120 122. Have you ever successfully been on a diet? no fuck that 123. Do you or have you ever belonged to a book club? no 124. Have you ever talked yourself out of a driving ticket by using your looks? no lmao i dont even drive 125. Have you ever drank a non-alcoholic beverage out of a wine glass? i guess? 126. Showers or baths? showers 127. Have you ever tried using a toilet while standing up? ya its horrible because u dont have a dick to aim 128. Have you ever been considered the mother of your group of friends? ye actually- 129. Do you own any sex toys? no HAHA RATINGS: 130. From 1-10, how feminine do you consider yourself? 6? 131. From 1-10, how much are you like your mother? 7-8 132. From 1-10, how much do you look like your mother? 5 because i smile like her but a lot of people say i look like my dad 133. From 1-10, how much are you like your father? 3 he’s chill im not 134. From 1-10, how polite are you? depends but maybe 7 135. From 1-10, how cute do you consider your laugh? -11 136. From 1-10, how strict are you about manners? 5? 137. From 1-10, how much of a neat freak are you? 6 but my handwriting is shit 138. From 1-10, how much of a hopeless romantic are you? -11 139. From 1- 10, how healthy do you eat? 6? its Meat > veggies > fish (but cuz i dont like how fish is cooked here? i love meat but i need veg to live too but i dont like salads give me roasted veg or stir fry veg or veg soops uvu) 140. From 1-10, how much do you like decorating for holidays?  4?
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