#quite obscene to witness tbh

[comediakaidanovsky]

okay so we all know the “the belt corrupts” theories but have y’all considered that maybe it’s the scarf? mjf isn’t like that, he’s just been exposed to the scarf’s influence for so long that it’s poisoned his mind completely. punk stole the scarf and kept it for like a week, and then his entire life spiraled out of control. even now he hears it whisper to him at night and freaks out and posts shit on insta stories. if mjf wants to break the curse he needs to realize that the scarf doesn’t love him and destroy it. scarf versus career match. all in london main event. total bloodbath

[tobegiggledat]

Sohmbdy

18+ CONTENT AHEAD MDNI

✦pairing: Cyclops!Fatgum x afab!reader

✦warnings: The Odyssey au, noncon/dubcon, cannibalism, minor character death, pussyjob, a lot of fucking cum and spit, oral (f. receiving), reader is used like a rag doll fr

✦word count: 2.1k

✦a/n: You don't have to know anything about The Odyssey to read this tbh

Ithaca.

A simple utterance of the Grecian island has your crew reduced to bloodied flesh piles before you at the hands of an enraged cyclops.

As you cower beneath him, the beast closes his fists around two more men, squishing them between his palms with a squelch then chucking them between his teeth, giddily.

“W-What for—“, the man beside you nearly stumbles backward as he speaks. “We merely answered your question”, he shakily adds but the giant still feasts without disturbance.

In fact, the man’s panicked words only stirs the cyclops’ appetite for him, as his thick fingers press against the sides of his head, shortly before taking the man’s life in a bloody outburst.

The panicked screeches before each death will never escape your psyche for as long as you live.

No one can move from under him, let alone escape his grasp.

Knees trembling, you stand amongst the rest of your group, huddled in a corner with a musty wind fanning across your skin from each breath the salivating giant looming over you takes.

Dark vermillion trails dribble along the corners of the beast’s lips as he obscenely smacks on more corpses. He greedily gulps each of the boney bits that stick to his fingertips, and lathes his tongue over any remnants.

An icy sense of dread tugs and tightens in your chest, yet there are no words of optimism you can give yourself to ease it. It continues to fester from each of his apathetic swallows until it boils outwardly as hot tears streaming down your cheeks.

The cyclops finally wipes at the stickiness on his lips before yawning and stretching his limbs in satisfaction.

You haven’t pulled your gaze away from him ever since he began gorging on your crewmates, but something about his more relaxed demeanor gives you the courage to eye your surroundings—and it’s just as you feared.

There's no one else left.

“Kinda silly to return here, ‘specially after what the last of y’all had done to me” A deeply thick voice chides, breaking the already heavy atmosphere with more weighted words.

Yet, these are the only other words spoken by the beast besides his initial inquiry about where you all were from.

His sole golden iris looks you up and down with fury, yet intrigue.

Last of y’all? You think heavily on what he said—

It finally hits you; the tale of a voyager from your land who used his wits to outsmart a cyclops by the alias of “Polyphemus”, many centuries before your time—or the story of Odysseus.

And while you vividly recall the telling of Odysseus’ encounter with the giant, you believed his story to be the byproduct of idle minds brooding to create some fantasy, not a source of truth.

Oh how fate was cruel to send you to the very island his enemy inhabits.

“Did they send ya here to make a ninny’a me once more?” “Polyphemus” continues, a one-eyed scowl crossing his features.

Even as he sits cross-legged on his bottom, his head lies roughly ten meters above yours while you are standing upright.

Thick folds align the sides of his stomach as he peers down to get a closer look at you.

“N-No, that’s not it—”, you begin, throat tightening as your mind scrambles for reasoning. “Our ship was cast aside at the fate of Poseidon’s wrathful waves. We had no bearing on where it decided to land.”

“Quit yer lyin’!” He bellows, and the maddened throw of his arms makes the cave shiver. “Even though my vision’s not what it used to be, I can still see through yer lies.”

With the way things are, you stand no chance against him. The only precedent set for this dilemma has been proven useless as the scar across Polyphemus’ eye makes a permanent reminder of just what “Nohbdy” can do. The same tricks will do you no good.

“You'll pay for what yer people have done to me! Not even the gods can save ya, not that they're any threat to the likes of me.” He nearly chokes amidst speaking, a spray of spittle lands on your cheeks.

“I-Is there anything I can do for you to spare me?”, you plead, trying to scan his features for any inkling of remorse.

He gives you a blank stare. “Spare you?” A chuckle bubbles from the back of his throat to release a menacing sound. “If ya want to please me, ya may as well undress yerself and save me the trouble of tearing through yer clothes to reach ya.”

Maybe that’s what you’ll do.

Some depraved wheel that turns in your desperate mind has you doing just that, fumbling with the hems of your bottoms before removing them entirely.

Though, Polyphemus makes no effort to hinder you. He quietly surveys your nude form while his features do little to convey his intentions.

But then he squints. “Hah, a critter like you who does just as they’re told!” His lips curve into a cheshire grin. “Would ya service me sexually if I asked of ya too”, he questions, teeth parted as he awaits your answer.

You nod without thinking, and his smile grows wider.

“How amusin’! I knew I was right to save ya fer last.” He tenderly swipes a thumb across your cheek, and it almost covers your face completely. “What do they call ya, traveller?”

You hesitate before you answer.

“Sohmbdy?” You tease boldly in hopes of gaining more of his approval, but a part of you thinks you may have done the opposite…

His lips press into a thin line, while your heart rate begins to pick up from foolishly believing you could be on better terms with a man-eating giant.

Luckily, his smile promptly returns. “And audacious too!” Polyphemus then scoops you into his palm, the other hand clumsily palming at his trousers.“I'm glad Sohmbdy can take care of this fer me.”

He releases his cock from its confines, and the length is comparable to your height, with a pinkish tip that has a circumference the size of your head, while its width is big enough to wrap your arms around.

The weight of your decision finally hits you as you gawk at the puddle-sized gathering of precum that rests on the end of it, yet you gag a little at the thought of tasting semen from someone whose diet consists of human flesh.

“I don't think that'll fit”, you murmur, mouth still agape as you watch him tug on it a few times. “Are all cyclopes this big?”

He giggles at that. “This is the only one you'll have to trouble yerself with, sweetheart.” His eyes dart away for a moment. “Call me Tai”, he adds after a brief pause.

“Tai?” You peer back into his lusty eye.

He nods. “I don't give this name to many.”

Tai brings the palm with you on it closer to his lips, while using the other hand to part your legs with his massive index and thumb.

His breath reeks of death, fanning over your exposed cunt, and passing through your folds in a warm breeze that tickles the surrounding skin there.

It feels surreal to be as powerless as you are now—at the whims of a sexually starved giant, yet his drool coated lips and the disheveled blonde wisps that stick to his forehead might be the last sight you’ll ever see.

His tongue’s reminiscent of an anaconda; slightly bloodied as it darts out to lick a stripe across your pussy. You recoil at the first moment of contact, metallic stench still lingering on his teeth, but the unwanted pleasure that accompanies it feels immoral yet difficult to fight against.

A wad of his red-streaked saliva slicks along your inner thighs in thick, luminous strands, and it lubricates your movements as you unconsciously rub your legs together at the incessant itch that claws through your center. He then repeats the motion more delicately, the heat of his mouth suffocating your lower half as he brushes the tip of his tongue along the insides before engulfing your core in his lips.

With his mouth still sucking and suctioning your core, you gasp, arching upward to present more of you to his hungry tongue. His symphony of lustful slurping sounds only add more to your arousal that’s building.

He sloppily laps at your folds until he soaks you and his palm with his fluid, you still tremor in his hold when he eventually pulls away.

He places a path of damp kisses along your skin. You flinch whenever he hovers over particular areas much longer with his canines bared, though he seems appreciative of your taste, greedily wetting his lips between suckles.

“I think you're prepared for me”, he smirks before lowering you onto his cock.

His cum drips way past the head of it now, coating the sides in viscous white. You rest on it as you would a horse, gripping at the slippery surface as rigidly as you could while you sit along the base.

His aroma is surprisingly earthy, with a hint of salt wafting through it that you can faintly taste at the back of your throat from each inhale.

A single finger caresses your back to encourage you to move, so you begin to grind your hips against his cock, the built-up fluids serving to propel your movements.

Muffled grunts are occasionally released from above. His bush of gold hairs stroke across your bottom with each of your glides, you even attempt to angle your hips in a way that stimulates your clit, but to no avail.

You’re thrashing your cunt into him at this point, as you try to strike a sweet spot along his length, and you could only assume how silly you must look from his view.

“Need some help”, he voices upon noticing your shifting.

You look up at him teary-eyed. “Please”, you beg passing over the reins to him with another arch of your back.

And he obliges, gripping a hand around your waist before steadily dragging you up and down, his pace slow, but satiating.

The disgust from his actions fuses with your already dwelling lust, to create something unfamiliar—and it flutters throughout your gut, setting your nerves alight with passion.

He finally pulls you across the ridge of a prominent vent, and you have to hold back your cries as it snags along your clit, exquisitely.

“Mm–feels good, Tai”, you mumble against him.

He hums softly while still maintaining his rhythm. His fingers secure you comfortably, until you’re wound up your tightest, bucking in his grasp as your walls clench firmly around air.

You wail as your orgasm inevitably crashes over you, tensing as white clouds your vision and euphoria floods your bloodstream.

“And I thought I was the one s’posed to be gettin’ serviced?”, he interrupts with a smirk. “This ain’t enough to get me off.”

He gently removes you from his cock before placing you, back upward, onto his palm, then he spits a huge glob of saliva on your sex.

Though before you have a moment to comprehend, he’s already bringing you down to the underside of his shaft, with your head resting against the tip, and sliding your slippery body along the skin of it.

You wrap your arms around his girth as tightly as you could, a cheek and your pussy pressed against it and caking on more liquids with each thrust. The wet, sticky feeling is revolting while the stimulation it brings to your sex isn’t nearly enough to give rise to another climax, but you’re still sensitive and the added sensations only overstimulate your weeping cunt.

Tai begins to hunch over as he approaches, panting monstrously big breaths without concern for how it has the strength to sweep you away.

“Now, hold on”, he orders before moving you much more swiftly than before.

His brain-stirring pace has your head bobbing uncontrollably, and you're seconds away from having it flop off its hinges, yet his eye eventually clamps harshly in ecstasy.

The river of cum that follows is enough to drown in. It gets into your mouth and creates a film across your body, leaving you breathless as you gulp the salty sludge down to clear your airway.

You’re drenched and heaving as you attempt to adjust to the liquid blanket on top of you, but Tai saves you with a swipe of his fingers across your features.

“Oop—got’ya all covered there”, He remarks before licking at his cum soaked digits. “Not that I mind a bit’a seasoning with my meal.”

“W-What—“, you shriek in hopes you misheard, but he only snickers…

And snickers some more…

[ghostiewriter]

AJSKDJLES you’re so nice!!! I was 100% using my birthday to manipulate you into giving us more headcanons lol but I wasn’t expecting you to actually get to it today! 🥺🥺🥰 take your time and no pressure but I definitely wouldn’t say no to hearing more about them making wild melodramatic accusations to make each other laugh in public because I can 100% see it. And I can totally see it starting on the surf trip because no one knows them so they’d just like try and embarrass the other? Amazing.

Sorry it’s a day late but I hope you had a great birthday bestie and enjoy the chaos of this wee blurb😂tbh I love this headcanon for them because it’s something they would totally do! But happy late birthday and I hope it was an enjoyable one!!❤️

Word Count: 1.6K

It started of a silly little game.

Keeping true to their word, the second they had graduated from high school and had those diplomas in their hands, JJ and Kiara wasted little time in planning the logistics of their surf trip around the world. So many places to go, waves to surf, sights to see—it was impossible to choose a place to start. However, thanks to Pope and his intense need to create a plan so his two best friends wouldn’t be thrown into the world as they “go with the flow”, he had organised a proper scheme.

JJ didn’t think it was necessary, and Kiara knew they wouldn’t stick to it. But they let Pope continue with it regardless.

Against their better judgement, his route and itinerary around Europe was insanely helpful for the couple as they ventured through the countries, excited to see places they could only dream about. Especially for JJ, it felt absolutely surreal that he was leaving the island, let alone travelling the world with the love of his life at his side. It was something he would never fully believe, but cherish in fear that he would wake up from this perfect dream and return to a shitty life in reality.

But as he turned to look at Kiara, her hair swept back by the breeze and her eyes watching the glittering city below in awe as they stood at the top of the Eiffel Tower, JJ knew that no matter how many times he pinched himself that this was his reality.

“If you’re about to make some cheesy joke about how the view is pretty but you’re prettier, I will throw you off this tower.”

JJ only grinned in response, shaking his head as he finally shifted his attention to the city view. They had just witnessed the sunset and it was one of the most breath-taking views either of them had seen, without a fucking doubt.

“Well now that you’ve stole my thunder and ruined it…” He trailed off with a sigh, but his smile only widened when he heard the soft giggle that escaped her lips.

“Whatever.” She muttered, her features softening as she leaned against the railing and took in the sounds of the streets of Paris.

“I can understand why so many people propose up here, it’s beautiful.” He admitted after a few moments.

Kiara only scoffed.

JJ turned to her, eyebrows raised. “You don’t agree?”

“Because there is nothing more romantic than having a bunch of other tourists watching one of the most intimate moments of your life whilst horns are beeping down below and the wind is blowing hair into your lip gloss.” She deadpanned.

Kiara was a romantic person when she wanted to be, but some gestures were even too much for her.

“Well when you put it like that, it’s no fun.” JJ muttered with a small chuckle, though he could see her point. “Does this mean I should keep the ring in my pocket and scrap the proposal?” He asked with a grin on his face.

Kiara rolled her eyes but she smiled. “Sorry to break your heart, babe, but if you got down on one knee right now, I would have no shame embarrassing you in front of all these people.” She said with a brief glance at the other tourists standing up here with them.

But JJ’s eyes gleamed at the sight of the challenge.

She didn’t have time to question him when he slipped one of the rings off, holding it in his palm before he cleared his throat and got down on one knee.

Her eyes widened as she looked down at him in confusion. “Jay, what are you doing—”

“Barbra Gertie Stonehend,” He started in a loud, boisterous voice to (successfully) catch the attention of the other tourists. “We have spent years together, helping each other through many hardships. I have been there for you since your bed wetting days when you were twelve, I have been there for you since you got your braces stuck in the railing at the zoo, and I have been there for you since your pet piggy was tragically knocked down by a bike. But now I ask that you do me the honour of being there with me at the end of the aisle by the alter?”

He finished his obscene speech, now holding his ring between his fingers and looking up at her with a faux hopeful expression. She pressed her lips together to hold in her snickers as she glanced around, seeing all eyes on them as they awaited her answer. And when her gaze returned to JJ, there was something quite smug shining in his eyes.

JJ had always been the best liar from them all, the way he would so easily be able to spout out nonsense at the drop of a hat. But she was just as competitive and determined as the blond, and willing to challenge him at his own game.

“Oh Bernie…” She sighed, hand placed on her chest as she looked down at him. “How could I ever marry a monster like you! Marge told me everything, I cannot believe you would expect me to marry you after you were the one that killed my pig!”

A few gasps could be heard from the crowd around them.

JJ urged himself not too laugh, though his eyebrows were raised in silent appreciation.

“Boo-Bear, it’s not what it seems! I didn’t mean to kill Vincent!” He urged, reaching out to hold her hands in his own. “I am more than a cold blooded pig murderer, please give me a chance!”

“I love you, my snookums, but I cannot!”

“Please, honey-bunch, don’t listen to Marge!” He cried out as she ripped her hands from his. “She is just jealous of what we have!”

“Then why are you having a child with her?!”

Kiara could’ve sworn she heard someone utter ‘holy shit’ under their breath but urged her face to remain neutral.

“It’s not mine!”

“Then who’s is it?” Kiara demanded, her hand clutching her imaginary pearls.

“My twin brother’s!”

“No!” Kiara gasped, feigning utter shock as she took a few steps back. “It cannot be Bobby’s…because he is the father of my child!”

Another series of gasps echoed amongst the landing.

“You…you were cheating on me with my twin brother?” JJ asked, finally standing up as he looked at her with a look of betrayal.

“I’m sorry, Bernie…” She whispered but JJ dramatically turned away.

“I can’t believe this,” He muttered before heading towards the exit. “I’m taking the dog and going home!”

“BERNIE, NO—”

“Goodbye, Barbra, enjoy your life with Bobby and his stupid exterminating company!”

Whispers murmured around the group and Kiara urged herself to keep a straight face as she waited a few moments before following him down. Once they reached the bottom, it took one glance at each other before they burst out laughing, tears streaming down their faces as they clung onto each other and walked back to their flat.

It was the start of an odd game they played for the rest of their trip. In the most random places they would play out insane scenarios, the aim to be as dramatic as they possibly could until one of them had to physically leave the scene before they burst out laughing. It was just a wee game to spice things up when they were out in public, plus it helped knowing they would never see any of these people again.

The word ‘Eiffel’ just had to be said and the game would begin.

And boy, was it entertaining.

There was the time they were in Austria visiting a vineyard, when suddenly Roberto was just sick and tired of holding back his secret affair he had been hiding behind his wife’s back. Little did he know his wife, Carla, had been sleeping with his secretary too.

Or the time they pretended to be spies on a mission whilst walking through a museum in Australia, pretending to mutter things to one another and even went to the extent of buying walkie talkies so they could suspiciously communicate from opposite sides of the room. That one kind of backfired because they did end up being thrown out by security.

Or the time they were in a small village in Turkey when it was suddenly revealed that Topanga would be leaving her fiancé, Johnny, for a prince that promised her wealth in power. However much to her shock, the prince she had been talking to was actually Johnny catfishing her.

Or there was the time they decided to re-enact the whole plot of Mamma Mia in Greece to see how long it would take people to notice how familiar the whole situation felt. It turned out it took people a tragically long time.

It was a stupid game that they adored and it followed them through the extent of the surf trip and even sometimes when they would returned home. Not to the same extent as they did in the past with fake identifies, but sometimes just odd scenarios to really fuck with their friends’ heads and keep them on their toes.

There was just something so satisfying about turning to each other, matching grins on their faces as they sat at the kegger and listened to some random touron talk about how nothing interesting ever happened on this island whenever she would visit her grandmother.

Ideas racing in their minds and all the possibilities of how they can make this night one to remember were jumping at the possibility to put on a show. With his eyebrows raised, JJ turned to his girl.

“Eiffel?”

“Eiffel.”

“HOW COULD YOU?! THAT GOLDFISH PIZZA MEANT EVERYTHING TO ME AND YOU JUST ATE IT AFTER EVERYTHING WE’VE BEEN THROUGH?”

After all, it started as a silly little but it always ensured chaos.

[salamanderink]

About Raising Stakes and Killing Relatability -or how to deescalate your emotional investment.

Have you ever read of the saying "three dead people are a tragedy; three thousands are a statistic"? 

What do I mean by that?

Oftentimes, when you have a big franchise, or a long lasting series, the authors tend to think that the only way to bring more feelings into the tale is to keep escalating the stakes, to make the risks bigger, the consequences of failure higher. 

"We're no longer destroying the house, but the city! No longer the city, but the continent. No! THE  PLANET!!! THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE!!!!" 

And the writers feel very proud of themselves, because what's a higher stake than just killing all the things and destroying the Universe?

Well, just about anything else, it turns out. 

How many planets have been blown up on screen these days? There was a few in the Star Wars franchise, one in the Star Trek Reboot, some Doctor Who stories, a hitchhiker’s guide to the Galaxy, quite a few in the MCU alone, and tbh TVTropes listed more of them than I can possibly remember 

The thing is, how many of you guys have you cried when the planet got kaboom? 

Not many, am I right?

If we’re entirely honest, if Spock’s mom hadn’t died in the ST reboot, few of us would even consider the destroyed planet a tragedy at all. 

And yet it is. 

But it’s actually not. 

How many of us are able to grasp what the planet even IS?

Entire ecosystems, the unexplored depths of the ocean, the tropical forests, that hummingbird that just laid eggs, those turtle babies seeing the sea for the first time. A new bee’s first flower, a corvid rolling in the snow, a wolf howling to the moon, a rabbit munching on a clover patch, big cats sunning themselves. Mother deers bathing their newborns and watching them learn to stand and take their first steps. Bears sleeping away the winter, owls waking at night and sweeping on silent wings to hunt. 

People! 

That small farm in Kansas, another small farm in India, that cardboard home in Jakarta and another in L.A, That old abandoned temple in the heart of Bolivia, and the sacred ruins in Cambodia. That family that only now got their new baby. That mother who tries so hard to make ends meet alone, and make sure her kids don’t go hungry. That marine biologist who’s so happy to have finally mapped the sound of a whale song. That vet who just rescued a litter of kits. 

All those small lives, interconnected, happening at the same time all over the world. We’re all part of the same thing, we all are earthlings first of all, in a way it is impossible for us to understand because we’ve never not been earthlings. 

What does it mean then, to destroy a planet? 

It’s technically an escalation from destroying a city or robbing a bank. 

Technically. 

Because that escalation is purely intellectual. 

And completely unrealistic. 

How many of you guys have come across one of these posts speaking about what a billion is, how much can a billionaire buy, what it concretely amounts to? How many of you have been able to grasp the sheer obscene wealth that represents? 

If you tell me you have, I won’t believe you. I’m pretty sure even billionaires don’t truly understands what it represents beyond “above the law” and “nothing is impossible anymore” and “god on earth”. (which, is not a positive judgement at all, btw)

At this point, they might simply remove the number and put an ∞ instead. It’s about the same thing. 

It’s a value too ridiculous and abstract for our brain to comprehend. That’s why people aren’t banging at their doors with pitchfork. Well. Not all people are. 

The same thing applies to planet destroying. We see the thing on a screen and we think “that’s bad.” 

What does our heart do? What do our gut say? Does it evokes in us the same soul deep horror that footage of war torn countries and broken bodies? 

Does it make a deep visceral fear wake in your belly and tell you to fucking run!!? 

Some dangers have been hardwired in our brains. Just the other day, I came across a hornet’s nest, and while I’m usually pretty chill about those flying, potentially-stinging, window-crashing morons, let me tell you that my gut was not at all ambiguous about my need to get the fuck out.

And yet, I certainly didn’t feel the same thing when Earth blipped out in the Hitchhiker’s guide to the Galaxy, even though, technically, Earth annihilation is fairly more lethal than some measly hornets.

Granted it was probably played for laughs that time, the entire movie is a satire. But did the death star really feel scary because of its ‘planet-destroying’ ability?

I can only assume it doesn’t. 

Do you want to know why? 

Because it doesn’t mean anything. Invalid Data, brain does not compute. 

Just like seeing numbers on a screen will never be as powerful enough as personal witness accounts and stories. Just as you won’t be able to grasp what a billion is worth the same way you will the ten bucks in your wallet. 

If you change the scale of something, you also change the emotional impact. 

Having a map of Florida tacked to your wall will not bring you back memories of your family trip to Disney World the same way your photo album will. Because the scale is human. It’s personal. It calls back feeling through your gut, it makes you laugh as you see a picture of your kid sister with half her face glued by cotton candy, or smile at the way your big brother took your hand and helped you through your fear of roller coasters because you really wanted to try them anyway. 

A world map isn’t meant to bring back feelings. 

This is why world destruction falls flat. It’s destroying the map of Florida and not your photo album. 

And of course it falls flat. What do we care, then about so called ‘heroes’ stopping the world from destruction? Battling for the sake of the Universe? 

We don’t. We can’t. What even is the Universe? That black tapestry with tiny and pretty little white dots? An immensity beyond thought and reckoning? It doesn’t mean anything anymore. 

This is not even suspension of disbelief anymore! It’s just going beyond the scope of our ability to understand or care. 

Because, WHY would we want to save the universe?

I mean, it’s controversial, granted. But, let me tell you, they could have obtained the exact same emotional response in the ST reboot if the thing destroyed had simply been a scientific vessel with Spock’s mom in. 

The thing that makes you feel isn’t the planet. What even is a planet??? 

It’s the mom. Most people have a mom. Some even are moms. Some have lost a mom. 

It’s one of three people in the saying above. 

It’s a tragedy. 

There might be three million other people who died on that planet, but we can’t care about those. 

They’re a statistic. 

TL:DR: Canon story writers. Please stop feeling very clever about “raising the stakes”. All you’re doing is making it impossible to care about your story. 

[captainpoopweinersoldier]

Opinion of last nights episode?

At first glance, I was leaving it with a more than fair ‘alriiiight’ but the more I think about it, the worse I realize it was lol. 

For one, the editing was just downright awful. I see that they were trying to do the same flash back flash forward technique that they rather successfully pulled off in whatever episode Ubbe and Hvitserk fucked up by going to Heahmund and Aethelwulf. But wow - this was like x10 and way more sloppy. 

Like they been amping this battle up for months, and sapped out every ounce of tension they possibly could by constantly, to the last fucking ten minutes, flashing scenes around. They did a typical Walking Dead technique where they develop characters right before they die - lazy. And quite frankly some information we learned with their ‘trance’ scenes, ie Lagertha as a child, could’ve been much more appreciated if say... They took the time subtracting a lot of useless filler scenes this entire season has been filled with, and inserted those instead. Fuck, even dedicate the entire first 20 minutes of the episode to just those scenes if you really wanna bank on that for emotional pull. But in the heat of the moment I did not careeee.

I’ll put the rest of my problems under the cut.

Floki, I love you, but again, shitty character development with 99.9% of the characters he’s playing House with in Iceland. I did not care about those people. Stop wasting my time with them just to have a ClEvEr TwIsT and cliffhanger at the end with Floki offering himself as sacrifice. We all know he aint gonna die. Stop using cliffhangers for people whose fates we are certain of. 

I am at my wits end with Margrethe yo. KILL HER. Oh man I was so happy when Torvi whipped out her sword, I was like MY TIME HAS COME. Look, I understand that her entire existence is based on misogynistic ideals and that really sucks, BUT I STILL DON’T CARE ABOUT HER and she’s a terrible fucking actress. Her little hand twitches? What director allowed her to do that? Just. stop. die. stop wasting my time.

Lagertha x Heahmund - YAWN. His little nod to Ivar, fuck you.

And getting to Ivar - y’know for clearly fanboying over Alex and prioritizing him most of all characters, they really did not give me much Ivar as far as quality OR quantity. I guess he can walk now...? That better be just for that moment and not erasing his disability as a whole. His scene with Hvitserk was cute, I was sad when he confronted him about not loving him, but again, would’ve appreciated it better if they put these types of moments in previous episodes instead of throwing it at me right then. At the end of the day, it didn’t evoke much from me.

Ivar’s muttering about Lagertha fighting him in his last scene.. just.... stupid. 

Character deaths:

I was actually pleasantly surprised when Harald killed Halfdan! Nice! Frankly, I don’t understand the fandom’s attachment to either of those characters, they are both vile digusting rapist pigs. But it was actually interesting to see how Harald came to the decision in killing him off. Cool.

Bjorn’s wife? I mean, we all knew she was a pointless character, just another way to boast Bjorn being the Big Manly Man he is, yknow, fuckin bitches and stuff. Could not have cared less when she died, and frankly her choreography in fight scenes was the worst I have ever seen in this entire series.

I predicted Lagertha would kill Astrid so I wasn’t necessarily surprised, rather, more bitter about the abuse of Astrid this season. How she didn’t even have a moment where she came out about the rape, and Lagertha seemed to make a rush decision instead dof actually caring for her. I’ve also since been informed that Hirst explained that those who died last night were ‘ready to die’ and that just disgusts me. Astrid was not ready to die, she was suicidal. And those are two entirely different concepts. 

Tbh, I would’ve liked to see Ubbe or Hvitserk die. And not for my own self serving, but more that with the entire bland emotional element last night, I feel like that would’ve definitely upped the ante. Now we just have to deal with more this brother vs that brother drama next season, and I’m over that whole thing.

The ending was also just.. boring. And Lagertha’s sudden age jump, if that’s what we’re calling, is just so belligerently obscene to me and just.. I don’t know what that is even about.. Just.. stupid. stupid. so stupid.

Overall, quite terrible. Started with a 6/10 and in less than 24 hours has slipped to.. Probably a 2/10.

There were few scenes that were legitimately enjoyable. Lagertha using a head as a weapon was fucking bad ass, and Ivar looked pretty, his speech about dying young was cool. Aaaand that’s about it.

Probably won’t be bothered to watch next season.

[kazzeyy]

Ok so we were running so late and ran in like right before they got on stage lol and I was sweating and dying from running but anyway. The first chunk of concert was so extra lit and everyone was so excited. But boy i gotta talk about hobi bc he stole my heart for good tonight . Like he's officially #2 behind tae. For his solo performance ... I mean I've never seen someone radiate so much happiness and gratefulness and sunshine and talent and the vibe I was getting from everyone was that we were all in love and in awe and overwhelmed with like this overflowing love and happiness and ppl were fucking crying bc we were witnessing him!!! But even before that during save me during his part he was like beaming like the sun and I just started fucking crying bc I was so happy he was happy and then I was like holy shit I'm watching them live what Tae is obscenely beautiful and you know ... he is quite reserved when he's not growling at you and biting his lip at the camera!!!! What a guy!!!!!! Holy shit he is something. I don't have the emotional energy to go into all the members but I have never loved every single one of them more than I do right now and I'm so happy we gave them so much love and I know they felt it ❤❤❤❤ loves of my life tbh