#raise your standards

[cooki3face]

Don’t you hate it when women who are in their power, at the height of the careers, or have so much potential to continue to be successful and become something end up trapped by bum ass niggas who are envious of their success, disrespect them constantly and don’t want them to do better. It’s the worst. It infuriates me so deeply. We love children, it is never the child’s fault, it is often never fully and wholeheartedly the woman’s fault sometimes women are victims of abuse, sometimes women are too in love to make decisions in order to save their lives and their careers. BUT, I wish that we would start making better decisions. Especially, if we’re going to be unmarried and dating these bum ass men whom do not amount to anything or half of what we’re worth or potentially could be doing.

I love to help us make better decisions from a spiritual standpoint so when we’re talking about pregnancy and children, let us talk about the fact that our children inherit heaps of our trauma from us, our children are spiritually affected by the people whom make them up. I take a lot of the stances I take in terms of women’s livelihoods, their rights, the health and safety of children, BECAUSE, I understand how important it is that children and woman are protected and are given the opportunity to live and have the best lives possible. We are talking about the people who guide these spirits from the spiritual realm into the physical and spirits that are vulnerable to all these things the moment they are sent down to be conceived by us and brought into this world, into the physical, into the 3D.

We are talking about women and children and all of their divinity here that are constantly being put in the worst positions possible, we cannot continue like this as people. To the new world or in general. That is not to say that men and the masculine energy in general is not divine in all of his (their) glory but we live in a world today with countless wounded feminine and masculine energies who are running around like headless chickens adding fuel to a fire that is engulfing Mother Earth and her creation.

[whereifindsanity]

[feminineenergylife]

Funny how men will want you to go 50/50 on their responsibilities, but don't offer to do 50% of the housework, chores, cooking & childcare.

And the worst part is women fall for it 🤦

[bleedgreenblood]

Every time you post about avoiding certain types of relationships, it makes my heart drop because I know deep down it’s describing my relationship with my bf. We’ve been together for almost four years, and because there’s been no drama or craziness, I’ve told myself that we’re happy. But the longer it goes on the less I feel like it’s a relationship that will ever go the places I want it to go. Idk if it’s because I let so much stuff slide at first because I didn’t want to rush things or crowd him, but truth be told we’re really just living separate lives and calling it love. Meanwhile I can’t remember the last time he REALLY wanted to talk to me or make plans with me or care about me in any way that wasn’t somehow for his benefit like a lot of your posts say. I don’t know why or how this is all hitting me now, and I feel bad because it’s not like he’s suddenly acting different. But then any attempt I’ve made to talk to him about our relationship, he either says two words that breeze past the problem or he gets defensive. Hard as it is, I feel like we just aren’t right for each other but it’s also hard to think about walking away because I do love him and used to think he was my forever. Do you have any advice?

Hi, anon! Firstly, I’m humbled that you’ve found my insight valuable enough to trust me with such a personal problem, and I’m happy to provide guidance if you think it would be helpful. Before I proceed, I want to emphasize that my opinion here should of course be taken with a grain of salt, as we don’t know each other (to my knowledge, lol), and therefore my feedback is based on this very high-level summary of your relationship. But since you're asking, buckle in, because I do have a lot to say about this.

My bottom-line takeaway is that it does sound like your relationship has run its course, and even though it (respectfully) sounds like you agree with this on some level, I’m still really sorry, because I know that doesn't make it any less difficult. I’ve been there myself, and can very much relate to that painful and confusing moment where you realize that someone you once saw a future with may not be the right fit for you after all. For whatever it’s worth, I promise you’re not alone in this situation.

One of the hard things about starting a relationship at a formative time in our lives is that we often don’t know how to start real conversations about, or how to look for, fundamental compatibility with another person. We instead allow ourselves to get swept up in surface-level attraction, i.e. finding the other person good looking, creating fantasies of what a relationship would look like based on our own and the other person’s desires versus what they’re actually showing us they’re capable of, and attaching an inflated sense of importance to common interests (Example: "We both love Game of Thrones and going to breweries," which, sure, are fun things to share, but don’t speak to true compatibility in any way). Healthy relationships are built on several key pillars, such as communication, compromise, quality time, and effort, and since there are a myriad of ways to do (or not do) any of the above, it’s critical to have real conversations about whether the way you each approach those pillars are compatible with one another.

When we don’t enter relationships with this level of intentionality, the problem is that time and circumstances inevitably put the relationship – which unbeknownst to us, has a fairly shallow foundation – to the test, so it’s easy for this sudden realization of glaring incompatibility to “sneak up on us".

This makes it even more natural to yearn for “the way things used to be”, and therefore to then hold out hope that perhaps things will “return” to a state where things still "felt okay" if given enough time. But two things on that: 1. Time on its own doesn’t do or count for shit, quite frankly. The only thing something "lasting" over time requires is complacency and stagnancy, so "giving something time" without any action, conversation, or change, is not a testament to something working out. And 2. The likelihood that a relationship will ever “go back to the way it used to be” is virtually impossible, for many reasons.

For starters, you’ve both since changed in some way – if not in hundreds of little ways – since you first got together, so neither of you is going to just suddenly revert to who you "used to be". that's not how time or human nature work. Secondly, we tend to romanticize “the way things used to be” because we associate that time with ourselves being happier in the relationship, but often, if we were to look at things critically, we'd find that the relationship/our partner truly wasn’t all that different or "better" during this time. For example, is it really a new thing that your partner isn’t: communicating with you openly, expressing an interest in the things that are important to you, carving out quality time for the two of you, consistently supporting you, etc. – or can you look back and observe a long-standing pattern of these behaviors? I think our knee-jerk reaction is to say, “Well, of course they used to do those things, otherwise why would it be bothering me now, but not before?” The answer is "simple”: because your standards, needs, or your awareness of your own needs, have elevated.

It’s completely normal, and healthy, for your needs and standards to evolve, change, and elevate over the course of your life. Unfortunately for relationships that were started while you were still getting to know yourself and your needs, especially relationships that were rooted more in attraction or those superficial commonalities, there’s a good chance that your needs will outgrow what the relationship is – and was ever – truly capable of. Maybe it was acceptable to the version of you 4 years ago that your partner fit you in their schedule as he found the time, but now you want a partner who eagerly prioritizes you. Maybe it was acceptable to the version of you 4 years ago that you and your partner only shared surface-level attraction, i.e. sexual chemistry and similar taste in TV/hobbies, but now you crave a more substantial connection rooted in intellect and communication. Maybe it was acceptable to the version of you 4 years ago that you and your partner had different levels of desire to spend time together, but now you want a relationship where quality time is key. It is in no way wrong for your needs and standards for a happy relationship to evolve as you evolve as a person; and frankly, he's not "wrong" to have his needs and standards, either, as some people truly are content and comfortable with having a surface-level attachment they can leave on the back burner while they live their lives primarily for themselves. So, it's not a matter of who is right and who is wrong; it's a matter of "are you two compatible?"

Now, if you look back and feel like your partner truly did used to meet the needs you feel are currently unmet – i.e. open communication, a vested interest in your hobbies and passions, eagerly making time for you, providing you with support – this also doesn’t fare well for the health of your relationship, because it suggests that either, 1. These actions were in some way performative - meaning that he only put in a certain degree of effort until he was certain he “had you”, at which point he elected to stop trying so hard because he felt he could get away with it, or 2. That these actions are inconsistent and conditional – meaning that he communicates with, supports you, and makes time for you when it's easy or convenient for him. While this "me first" approach might work for some couples, I personally believe that relationships built to thrive and last aren't about living your life for yourself and hoping your partner interferes with your personal best interest as little as possible. It takes collaboration around those aforementioned pillars -- perhaps most importantly, communication -- which, according to you, he will not meet you halfway on, despite your attempts.

When we choose to communicate, or not to communicate, we're really answering a question of, "Do I care about and respect this person’s needs and feelings, and the health of our relationship, enough to put in the time and effort to talk things out, even if it means stepping outside of my comfort zone, making myself vulnerable, and having difficult conversations?" So, to me, choosing not to communicate is not only a detriment to a healthy relationship, but it’s a sign of selfishness and disrespect. We call our partners our “significant others” for a reason – because this person should be significant from all others in providing us with a certain level of care, support, company, and conversation. If you find yourself unable to turn to your boyfriend for those things, I just can’t see how he could possibly fill that very important, special role in your life.

Relationships, like anything else worth having in life, need to be earned. No one is entitled to a place in your life simply because they've been there for a while, because they used to meet your standards, or even because you care about or love one another. As hard of a truth as it is to accept, love alone is never enough to carry a relationship, because for some people, love is just a feeling they have for you, or for the benefits you add to their life. Real, lasting love is actionable. It knows, sees, and understands you as you are. It wants to spend time with you. It seeks ways to support you. It desires to build something lasting with and for you.

I'm so sorry that it sounds like this relationship doesn’t have the longevity you hoped it did. But I do truly believe that the while pain of losing the attachment is real, it is temporary — however, the pain of your needs and standards not being met over time will only grow, wear you down, and rob you of the opportunity to meet someone who will meet your needs and standards. And the right person won't make you wonder, beg, wait, or hope for their affection, attention, support, or communication. You are worthy of having your needs met. Read that again. You. Are. Worthy.

[unhingedhyacinth]

keep the bar high. if they don't think of you when they listen to Bollywood love songs, move on.

[say-it-with-me-affirmations]

“Stop putting the bar in Hell, on Satan’s floor, and tolerating people who play limbo with the Devil. Put your bar in the sky, and at least make them walk on the ground.” (raise your standards)

“I will stop putting the bar in Hell, on Satan’s floor, and stop allowing/tolerating people who play limbo with the Devil. I will put my bar in the sky, and at least make them walk on the ground.”

(source: me (one of my stories))

[meowkittybiscuit]

Also I just remembered (because I’ve been getting to forget) that tomorrows gonna be really hard on me. I have to keep it together while confronting & ending something. It’s gonna be sad. I’m sad but also disgusted. Send good vibes or prayers that I make it through the day okay if you’d like. Id appreciate it. Okay goodnight now

[massivebagelpizzapie]

Is he really your man if he doesn’t fan you and hand feed you grapes as you sit on a chaise lounge?? 🤨

[cooki3face]

I think that to find true acceptance with being alone and being completely by yourself and/or finding wholeness within yourself, you have to learn to release your fears regarding not ever getting everything that you so deeply crave and desire. If everything that I ask for and wish for in my personal relationships is not given to me I need to learn to be okay with making sacrifices and cutting my losses instead of settling out of comfort and fear. Once you’re okay with removing things out of your orbit because they aren’t serving you or giving you what you’ve asked and what you desire, you can truly say you are secure and at peace with being alone and yourself.

[theloulouge]

Reminder (Day60)

Never settle for bare minimums.

You deserve overflowing love, attention and efforts.

[vizthedatum]

One of my close friends has been hammering this in my head for several years, and it’s such a hard lesson to truly internalize:

Decency is the BARE MINIMUM.

Expect excellence, not decency.

[schrodingersachillesheel]

"___ is written by lana del ray" "___ is so lanacore"

but does his pussy taste like pepsi cola?

ask yourself this before you act like a fool.

[commissionsdarian]

reggie is the worst person to date for daddy issues btw

letting anon know

I know, I think they should raise their standards. Intergalactic aliens just don't make up for daddy issues

[vimbry]

someone was telling me liz truss has a big instagram presence so I was looking up what she posts and got a related image for her on wikifeet

[diblovesmothman]

Dib I swear to God I will cry everytime you mention an animal you go so out of character like- "fimsh- or baby talk about cats I'm literally in love with you oh my god

It’s very nice to meet you too.