#ralph timewasters fluff

[babybluebex]

okay but the ask about giving ralph kissies 🥺 do you think maybe we can get a little blurb of that please? like the cupping his cheeks and admiring him before actually kissing him?

ugh YES ralph deserves ALL the kissies

"Ralphie," you cooed, moving on the couch to get at your husband. He sat on the floor, leaned up against the couch as he strummed at his ukulele, and he instantly stopped what he was doing and looked at you with those beautiful dark eyes he had.

"Yes, my love?" he asked, and you bit the tip of your tongue as you reached over to him and captured his cheeks between your palms.

"You're so pretty," you told him, and you felt his cheeks warm under your hands as a flush invaded his skin. It turned the tips of his ears pink and, even though his shirt collar was high, you knew his neck was turning pink as well. "My pretty boy... Give me a kiss, darling."

Ralph immediately clambered up to reach your lips, and he pressed a quick kiss to your lips. He was smiling, and he hummed happily once the kiss broke. "Thank you," he said, and you jokingly frowned when he tried to pull away.

"I'm not done with you," you chuckled, and Ralph grinned, his smile nearly touching his ears. You kissed him again, soft on his twitching lips, then you went to his cheeks, settling smooches on the apples and his little dimple. Ralph was practically vibrating with joy, sitting on the floor as you showered him in kisses, and you gave a quick "Oops!" when you saw that your lipstick had left marks everywhere you had kissed him, his cheeks and nose and forehead. "I'm sorry, darling."

"Don't be sorry," Ralph said, and his fingers rose to touch at his cheek, some of your pink lipstick transferring onto his fingertips. "I'm leaving them, I'll carry your love around with me all day."

"You're too cute," you told him, and you placed one more big kiss on his lips.

[sherifftillman]

busy streets and busy lives • ralph penbury x reader

A strange day at work gets even stranger when you meet a man who claims he's from 1926. With no certainty as to when he can get back, you decide to take him in until that time arrives.

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Tags: Timewasters (series), modern!au, slow burn, mutual pining, idiots in love™, fluff, some angst, swearing and mentions of adult themes throughout, eventual adult content, alcohol content, drug content, penbury is a fanon surname

Word count: 10.6k

A/N: 5½ months. 12 chapters. 107,600 words. All for a silly little idea I threw at my friends in a discord server. Thank you for being here. <3

Also, there's a part in this that's VERY reminiscent of a certain photo that released today. (spoiler alert, it's in the chapter card lol) I swear, I wrote that almost a week ago and the video just HAD to drop today of all days, DIDN'T IT. If Joseph Quinn is in my walls, please get him out of there. That's not a safe environment for him.

“Right, so, hang about…” Connor holds his hands out in front of him, moving one out to the side as if physically placing events into a timeline. “So, back in 192-whatever, Ralph meets Nick and that lot, who we went to school with, who have… Travelled through fucking time,” he sounds exhausted just at that phrase. You nod, and he moves his hand to continue, “Ralph falls head over heels for Little Lauren. That works about as well as anybody would expect,” he raises his eyebrows at Ralph, who shies away a little. “And Ralph joins the Army.”

“French Foreign Legion, to be exact,” Ralph pipes up.

“French Foreign Whatever, yeah,” Connor nods, moving his hand again. “He hates it, he runs away back home, he ends up meeting Homeless Pete.”

“Wait!” Grace’s boyfriend suddenly shouts, waving his hands around and making everyone jump. He points to Ralph. “That’s why your name’s always been in the back of my head! You lived in the fucking Waterstones building?!” Ralph nods. “So, you were filthy stinking rich, and you left that?!”

“Well, I… I may have left out some details about… I may have… Sort of given up most of my material possessions to Laur- the other Lauren,” he gestures to Connor’s girlfriend, who makes an expression that shows Ralph she understands that she’s not who he’s talking about. “Um, before I had left. Well, after I had left for the Army, but before I… Ended up here.”

“You were really down bad, weren’t you, mate?” Connor asks, cocking his head, and Ralph cowers back into his seat.

“Yes, well. That’s all well into the past now. Ninety-seven years in the past, to be exact!”

“Fucking mental,” Scott says under his breath. “Anyway, Connor, keep going with your…” He waves his hands in front of him.

“Yeah, so, you’ve not got nothing, Lauren rejected you and you still left her everythi- God, how did you survive without us?!” Connor shakes his head. “So you bump into H.P., who brings you to our time. You get rescued,” he gestures to you, “and…”

“Can I ask,” Scott’s partner raises a finger, looking at you. “What made you take him in, then?”

You look at Ralph and shrug. “I dunno, look at him! Who’d say no to that face?” You squish his cheeks in one hand, to his indignation, and you hear the soft laughs of your friends. “But… Yeah. Once I’d found H.P. and gotten as much of an explanation as I’ll ever get out of him, it was just… So much to wrap my head around. And I couldn’t just leave Ralph to the streets, he’d get killed!” Ralph suddenly looks very fearful, grabbing a cushion to hug to his chest. “And then next thing I knew, he was setting off alarms in the flat on his first day there, so I couldn’t exactly leave him home alone, so I had to bring him with me to Anna’s that night. I barely had the time to text you lot in advance, I couldn’t exactly leave you a voice note saying “by the way, time travel exists and I’m bringing a man who was born in the Victorian era, see you at 7!” And then the days were getting ahead of me, and I couldn’t even make any sense of it myself, let alone trying to teach any of you about it, either.”

“So, what, does he have to go back at any point? To like, restore the fragile balance of the time-space continuum or whatever sci-fi nonsense this actually proves?” Grace asks.

“Well, we thought so, and that’s why we were always so vague about him “going home”,” you explain. “But then, after Brighton, he almost - he could’ve gone home, and by all we knew back then, he should’ve -” You don’t see Ralph wince in pain at that word. “- but H.P. tol- well, told,” you hold up your fingers as air quotes, “Ralph that since the others had never returned to their own time, without consequence, he decided to stick around.” You smile comfortingly at him and he reaches out to hold your hand.

“Easily the best decision I’ve ever made,” he smiles back. “Staying with you, well, all of you!” He looks around the room. “I truly… I cannot put into words how deeply it hurt to omit the truth from you all for so long, but… Well, everything just seemed to be going so well for me, for once, and I feared that… To let that slip, I might… Lose you all,” he lets go of you to wring his hands in his lap. “Entirely selfish of me, I completely understand if you all think differently of me, now -”

Anna interjects with a sympathetic, “You’d have to do a lot worse to get rid of all of us.”

“Yeah, you’re the one stuck with us, Ralphie!” Scott jokes.

“I mean…” Lauren starts, pausing for a moment. Ralph’s face goes on an emotional journey of potential heartbreak, fearing he’s lost one of his best friends. Lauren remains stoic as she finally continues, “Yeah, it’s pretty shit that pretty much the foundation of why we’re friends is a lie.”

“Literally the only thing that Ralph and I kept quiet was the whole time travel thing, because, well, it still sounds stupid saying those words out loud,” you shake your head. “But everything else, it’s all been pure Ralph. Nothing else is based off any lies, it was just to… I mean, what would you have done if he’d have told you that night you met him, that he’d got here by getting in a lift with an old man in 1926 and ended up in 2022?!”

“I’d think he was off his tits,” Lauren admits in a quiet voice, much to Ralph’s confusion. “Yeah, alright, I guess, it’s… It’s complicated, innit?”

“Tell me about it,” you reply, exhausted, and the others laugh.

“It is a bit shit,” Connor acknowledges Lauren and then the pair of you. “But we’d all probably have done something similar. I mean, fuck me, I’d probably have left him with H.P. and let him be someone else’s problem. Good job I never found you first, eh!” Connor’s light-hearted smile falters at Ralph’s fearful look.

“Again, I completely understand if any of you feel duped into being my friend and wish to use your own agency to - just, please, direct all of your disappointment towards me and not -” 

“Ralphie, babes, we’re saying we get it. Kinda. I dunno, this is all messing with my head a bit,” Grace blows out a breath, and everyone makes general noises of agreement. “But of course we still wanna be friends with you, you big nelly!”

“Yeah, we love teaching you words and things you’d never know. Now that we know why, we can teach you way more!” Scott’s eyes glisten mischievously.

“I mean, I know I’m the one who technically turned you into a bit of a Swiftie, but I’m not letting go of that any time soon,” Anna jokes, which causes Ralph to finally let out a small laugh. “And besides, whose head am I gonna pat without you around?!”

“I never meant to deceive you all,” Ralph says quietly.

“We know,” Connor reassures in the same tone, “but you didn’t really trick us into anything. And hey, it could’ve been worse. I’d rather you were a secret time traveller than a secret serial killer!”

Ralph finally lets himself smile at Connor, who returns it. He sits up a little more confidently. “I can’t tell you what a relief it will be to never have to worry about what I say anymore!”

“I mean, still, this information can’t leave the people in this room,” you explain, gesturing around to everyone. “There’s all sorts of legalities that I’ve never been able to figure out, like a passport,” you gesture to Connor and Lauren, “or setting him up with a bank account, or medical stuff -”

“I mean, surely there’s people out there who were never registered at birth or whatever, right? Maybe we just play Ralph off as one of those?” Anna asks.

“Maybe. But who do we say he is? If we call him a Penbury, as in we try and say that he’s his own relative, his last technical record from 1926 is that he enlisted, went MIA and was presumed dead,” you shrug.

“Shit, yeah, your mum does all that stuff, doesn’t she? Have a look, see what his sister’s stuff says, maybe we can sneak him in that way,” Scott leans in, and everyone else starts shuffling closer, too.

Ralph, having been sat dumbfounded for several minutes, finally finds his voice. “Sorry, but now I’m the one who’s rather lost. So… Not only are none of you ousting me, you’re planning to deceive the law for me?!”

“Yeah, didn’t you hear Anna earlier? You’re family,” Connor smiles affectionately at him, and Ralph’s ears turn pink as his lower lip trembles.

You log into your mum’s ancestry account and once again look up Ralph’s name, your eyes going wide when you see the name next to him. “Okay, so Victoria’s got about six surnames, so I’m sure we can slip you in there somewhere,” you shake your head. Having only looked at his census before, you look through the data they have on Ralph and gasp loudly. Everyone’s gaze snaps to you as you flip your phone over to show them a photo of Ralph, dated February 1926, looking exactly how you remember he did the day you met him, dressed head to toe in Army uniform.

“Oh, you could totally say that you’d been digging up family stuff and you think you’re a dead ringer for… How many generations back would that be?” Anna asks.

You count on your fingers, “Okay, so 1901… Let’s say 30 years per generation, that’s like 3 to get to you being around our age… Which would make OG Ralph your potential… Great-grandpa.” You grimace at the same realisation that Connor and Scott come to, as they point and laugh at you.

“You’re dating someone old enough to be your -”

“He’s twenty-six! Please don’t make me think of it any other way!” You wince, making everyone laugh. “Three generations of unregistered babies is a bit of a stretch…” You shake your head. “Let’s just table this for now. He’s not going anywhere for the time being, are you?” You turn to ask Ralph, who violently shakes his head, still blinking his tears away. “There we go. So, let’s just let everything… Sink in, for now. And we’ll keep thinking of what to do in the long run.”

Ralph hugs everyone goodbye extra tightly. You offer an extra apology to all of your friends, yourself, but they all echo the earlier sentiments that they would have done the same if they were in such a predicament. That they probably would have talked you out of keeping Ralph fugitive for as long as you have. That, if anything, they’re grateful you never gave them the chance to advise you, because if you’d listened to them, none of you would have him in your lives, and one thing everyone in the room agrees on is that life’s been far better with him in it. You have to practically frog-march Ralph out of the door as he starts getting misty-eyed again.

Once you and Ralph are laying in bed, you cuddle up to him, wrapping your arm around his torso. “How you feeling, now?”

“I can’t feel much less than spectacular with you in my arms, my love,” Ralph smiles as he holds you even closer to him.

“Not just all the mushy stuff, you big sap,” you tease. “I mean, like, having to tell everyone.”

“Ah. Yes, well. That went far better than I ever imagined,” he admits softly.

“Wanna admit now that you mean a hell of a lot more to people now that you’ve found the right ones?” You look up at him with a grin.

He squeezes his arm around you to prompt you into leaning up to kiss him. Once you break away from him, he sighs happily. “I suppose, it’s a comfort to know what real friendship is supposed to feel like.”

“Exactly. You don’t give up on the right people. And you’re our right person,” you nuzzle into his neck and he buries his face in your hair.

“That sentiment is more than mutual. Goodnight, my love. Pleasant dreams.“

“Night, Ralphie. Love you, too.”

The next morning, you and Ralph both have the day off, a rare occurrence that you’re extra grateful for today. Of course, you’d love to spend it doing more of what you’d been doing just yesterday, but you’d rather be extra safe and get Ralph some protection, as well as your own birth control. And you needed to go into town for some other things, anyway. You decide to take Ralph with you, though - mostly, so that you can coach him into being able to buy his own condoms without spontaneously combusting on the spot.

Ralph wants to ask his boss something, too, so you head to the old high street where his shop is. While you do love his colleagues, you know that Babs will insist on you two staying for a cup of tea. And then another. And then she’s made you lunch. And then you’re spending your whole day off at Ralph’s workplace. Which honestly, has been fun when it’s happened before, but you do have things on your personal agenda today. And then when they’re done…

You wave to Babs through the shop window when you hear some vaguely familiar voices approaching.

“Nah, bruv, I think your mate Pete got his maths all mixed up, this ain’t when we left here.”

“Maybe we’re in whatever year he just wanted to come back to.”

“Nah, mate, I told him, clear as mud: take us back to the present day.”

“Okay, but Jase, you do realise we’ve travelled back and forth between multiple decades since -”

“Shhh, shut the fuck up, someone’s right there! We should just ask them.”

“Fantastic idea, sis. What do you want to do, rock right up and say, ‘Hello, completely normal and unaware person. Could you, for no strange reason whatsoever, happen to tell me what year it is?’?!”

You’d most certainly know that voice anywhere. Looking over at your high school crush, you smirk at Nicholas, his sister and his friends as you tell him, “March 15th, 2023.”

All four of them look incredulously at you. You can see some cogs turning behind their eyes until, finally, Jason shouts your name out. You grin and nod at him, and he yells, “Fuckin’ ’ell! How the fuck are you?!”

“Yeah, I’m alright. Still kicking about, you know how it is. What about you lot? You must’ve been… Busy.”

“Yeah! Yeah, um… Quick question, how did you…?” Nicholas starts, but pauses, trying to think of how to articulate himself.

After a few seconds, Lauren scoffs, “How’d you know to tell us what the date is so calm, like?”

“Well…” You singsong in a high-pitched tone as the door to the costume shop swings open again. Ralph emerges, to a series of shocked gasps.

“Fucking hell, doesn’t he look the spit image of -”

“Yeah, if you just slick his hair right down, and put him in a bow tie and a straw hat, I reckon - Here, you wouldn’t happen to have a great-grandad or something called Ralph, would you?”

“Wait!” Lauren shouts, holding her hands out. She studies Ralph intricately, who looks as though he’s still processing the sight in front of him. “You look just like Ralph, but all modern-like…” She points to him, and then to you. “And you know that we’ve been… In a different time…” She sticks her head out and squints her eyes back at Ralph. “Are you -?” He nods, still stunned into a wide-eyed silence.

Horace raises his arms in an excited greeting. “Ralph! My boy! We thought you’d died!” He pulls him into a hug that sweeps him off his feet. Ralph hangs against Horace’s body as though he were a ragdoll, his face still bewildered. “Let me take a good look at you,” he says as he puts Ralph down, before letting out a single cackle. “Ha, look at you! Look at this jacket, these chains! You’re a proper modern man, ain’t ya, with your sunglasses and your - How’ve you been, what you been up to?!”

“How did you get here?!” Nick asks in disbelief. You recap very quickly how Ralph found Pete - deliberately redacting that he’d attempted to return home to them - and ended up here, where you’d found him and taken him in.

Just as you finish explaining, someone approaches you with an, “Excuse me?” They tap your arm, but lean around you to look at Ralph and nod with a smile, “I thought that was him! Ralph from Twitter, right? Oh my god, I wish my phone hadn’t died, or I’d so ask for a selfie with you!”

Four confused faces look over at Ralph, but you wave the stranger off with a, “Not to worry! I can take one on his phone for him to tweet, if you want? And then you can save it for yourself when you’re home?”

“Oh my god, would you? That’s so sweet! Thank you!” They gush before posing for a photo with him. You quickly get their Twitter handle to include in his tweet, and wave them off as they walk away with a spring in their step.

“What was all that, then?” Jason asks with amusement. “Ralph from Twitter?!”

“Long story. I never told my friends Ralph was from the 1920s, so they thought anyone his age should be on Twitter by now. He kept tweeting inane shit that he thought he was Googling, people found it hilarious, and now he’s sort of social media famous,” you explain with a shrug, to everyone’s laughter.

Lauren looks Ralph up and down, not unlike the way Ralph looks at you, and rubs her hands together. “Famous, eh? I like the sound of that. Sounds like we’ve got some catching up to do, eh, Ralph?”

You feel rage burn through you at the audacity that Lauren has, clearly only interested in Ralph for a chance at fame herself. At how she could so outwardly come for your man - though, granted, Ralph’s been too shellshocked to make that much clear.

You, yourself, start to freeze up as you look over at him. What if this is it? The validation he’d been craving for so long? A second chance at the love he’d felt so strongly about losing, he’d fled the country. If he was willing to risk losing it all after having his heart broken, what else would he be willing to lose to win her back?!

Finally, after what feels like an eternity of silence, Ralph takes a deep breath in. “I don’t think there’s anything more to be caught up on.” He holds your arm to smile warmly at you, “You captured everything perfectly, darling,” before leaning in to kiss you. Jason and Horace hoot and holler, while Lauren makes a disgusted face.

“Fair enough. Rather you than me, anyway, I’d probably get sick of him after a while,” she sneers.

“Good job I won’t, then, eh!” You flash a sickly sweet grin at her as you wrap your arms around one of Ralph’s, hugging it tightly.

“Looks like you really are out of a shot, mate,” Jason grins at Nick, who shoves him.

“Give over, that was -” he flusters, and you laugh, which he sighs at. “Okay, well, so as to explain myself and not sound like a complete lunatic, I, uh… Might have had a bit of a thing for you in school, but I was always too chicken to do anything about it. And even though that was years ago at this point, apparently I’m not allowed to live it down,” he forces a smile on his face, making you laugh harder.

“If it’s any consolation, that was mutual, by the way,” you smirk. You feel Ralph tense under your grip and bury your head against his bicep. “But I don’t think it was meant to be, in the end.”

“God, can you imagine, in another universe, it would’ve been you and Nick, Jase and Victoria, and Lauren and Ralph!” Horace laughs before faltering. “But then who’s left for me?”

You shake your head. “What are you lot planning on doing in terms of living somewhere?”

“Dunno, we brought some stuff over from different time periods in the hopes we could make some big money off some antique dealers,” Nick gestures to the bags they’d placed on the ground while talking to you.

“Good luck, things have changed a lot in the last, what’s it been, six years for you? Yeah, the housing market’s a fucking nightmare,” you shake your head.

“Paying over a thousand pounds a month to live in a shoebox, I ask you,” Ralph mutters under his breath in disgust. You shoot him an offended glance and he simpers back, “But I’d live in a matchbox if it meant living with you, my love.” You grin back, angling your cheek for him to kiss it, to more retching sounds from Lauren. 

“Well, I was wondering if we could chance our luck with Ralph’s place, but seeing as though our only way in would be claiming Jason’s son left it to us in his will, when he’d be older than us in this time…” Nick shakes his head, and you and Ralph look incredulously at him.

“Sorry, what?! Ralph’s place?! You mean the big fuck-off mansion they lived in? That’s a Waterstone’s now, and even if it was, there’s no way you’d afford a place like that -”

The others look at you in confusion. “Victoria told us that the house was destroyed in an air raid,” Nick explains slowly.

You shake your head, pointing towards the bookstore. “Go look for yourself, plaque’s still there, and everything. She ended up spending all the Penbury fortune, went flat broke.”

“Explains a lot,” Lauren mutters under her breath.

“Yes, well, anyway!” Jason raises his hands up, as well as his voice. “I’m on about the one that Victoria ended up getting when he di- well, ‘died’, I guess,” Jason holds up air quotes over the word ‘died’. You both stand there in stunned silence, so he explains, “Vic said she found a letter from your dad, before the place got bombed, or… Whatever the fuck actually happened to it, it doesn’t matter, now. The letter was meant to go to his lawyer but I guess he never got to give it to him before… Well,” he gestures, and you both nod in understanding. “Anyway, so in this letter your dad had written, it said that he’d bought an extra place, for if you were to ever go off to war and want a place to come back that was all your own,” he gestures to Ralph, who swallows hard.

“Father bought… Bought me a house?!” He asks, stunned.

“He wrote some bullshit in there about how it might help you start a family and keep the Penbury name intact, that your… ‘pursuit of a wife would be easier if you already had a place of your own’,” Jason pulls a face and shakes his head.

Ralph nods in understanding, pressing his lips together with a faltering, “Now that sounds like Father.”

“So, when you ‘died’, Vic claimed that she had the right to inherit that house, and that’s where we lived. And, um… I sort of… Gave you a nephew?” Jason smiles weakly at Ralph. “But he went off and started his life elsewhere, and fuck knows what happened to him.”

“Hmm, I thought I could maybe blag our way into claiming that Jase is entitled to inherit it, too, because of the family name, but I doubt it, if JJ never came back for it. I seriously doubt Victoria’s still going,” he shakes his head. “Never mind, we’ll just start flogging this stuff and go from there. Anyway! Insane to see both of you, together, at the same time, but, y’know. Glad to see you’re both well, now.” Nick smiles at you both, and you nod.

“Good to see you guys, too! Helps put things at ease that the whole time travelling thing doesn’t make the universe implode on itself.” They laugh, and you look over at the building next to you before nudging Ralph. “Hey, they could probably try selling some of their stuff to your shop, couldn’t they?”

“There’d be no harm in trying,” Ralph agrees. “Though I should warn you, the owner is a tad… Eccentric.”

Lauren scoffs, “Fuck me, if Ralph’s calling someone eccentric, they must be a raving fucking lunatic!” She picks up one of the bags and heads to the door, slapping Ralph’s arm as she walks past him. “See you around, yeah?”

“Y-Yes, of course. All of you,” Ralph smiles, shaking the other men’s hands as they all pile into Ralph’s workplace.

Your mind starts trying to work in rapid fire, trying desperately to connect dots that seem impossible to connect. Thankfully, Ralph for once manages to keep you on task, even managing to buy what you’d asked him to - though instead of working up the nerve to seek out a cashier, he’d opted for the equally challenging task of trying to operate a self-service checkout while you frantically Google every little bump in the road you come across - though on incognito mode, of course, just in case.

Once you’re sitting down together in a cafe, waiting on your lunch, you finally try and articulate your train of thought to Ralph. “Look, all you need to prove that you’re a rightful heir is a name, a story that you’re related, and three months’ worth of proof that you live somewhere. So, granted, we’re gonna need to find something to sign you up to that’ll mail you stuff, but after that, in just three months, we might be able to get that place!”

“Well,” Ralph starts, wringing his hands together on the table. “Babs was telling me something about - about the taxes she has to file, apparently there’s some sort of form I have to be given at the end of the month, I didn’t say anything because she’s the one that pays me, but she had said something about deducting it from my pay already, it’s a… System I couldn’t wrap my head around,” he shakes his head. “But she did say… That if I’m asked to prove anything about my pay, she also has my official pay slips in her possession.”

You look at him incredulously. “So, what, they have your work’s address on them? As if you live there?”

“Not quite… She asked for our address some time ago, and I assumed it was in case of emergencies so I told her, and so I suppose that’s what she’s submitted on the slips. She said that she never sends them because there’s no point, if we want them, we can simply ask her.”

You’re practically vibrating in your seat with excitement. “So, we can take those… With your name on… Make up some story about how we found a photo online of your great-grandad who looks just like you and found out he owned that house…” You grin at him. “And it’d be ours!”

Ralph deflates a little. “I wish I could share your enthusiasm, my love, but I fear our luck has run out by now. I mean, surely I’d need a legal record, too!”

You shake your head furiously. “It only says they might ask, online. And you’ve charmed your way out of identification before on countless occasions, what’s one more time?! “

“It’s just an awfully big risk, I mean, what if we get caught? What if we’re imprisoned, questioned - would they even believe what happened with me? It’s just too close to being impossible!”

“Exactly!” You slap the table a few times before grabbing Ralph’s hands to hold them. “Everything about us is just shy of being impossible. You are a 26 year old man who was born in 1901. I am someone who’d given up entirely on love until I literally walked right into meeting my literal soulmate.”

Ralph smiles bashfully, “I wouldn’t have thought you believed in soulmates.”

“That’s my point! I didn’t either! I never would have! But you make the almost-impossible entirely possible. You made an entire life for yourself here where you are loved and admired by literally thousands of people, including the most ride-or-die friends you could have asked for. That are, probably right this second, also researching how to keep you here as long as we possibly can. Who can say they’ve got friends like that, hm? You think Victoria and all her little pals would put that much effort into keeping her around?” Ralph shakes his head. “Right. Because you’re special, Ralph. I know it. We all know it. Just… Come on.”

“But there’ll be inheritance tax, surely,” he counters, “and then, what? I haven’t paid tax in… Ninety-seven years!”

“So, if that happens, we do what Anna says. Once we’ve established that you’re definitely entitled to the house in the name of Ralph Penbury, we spin a tale that you were never registered. Sure, you’d probably be lumped with a load of tax to pay back, but…” You tut out a breath as you think before gasping, clapping and holding his hands again. “What if, we get the house, but I tell my parents we’re buying it, rather than inheriting it?! Get them to give me a loan for a deposit, you use it to start paying off tax stuff, and then instead of all our money going on rent, you can pay the tax people back and I can pay my parents back.”

“It all sounds rather hair-brained,” Ralph states, but with a smile that says he believes in the cause.

“It’s completely hair-brained,” you admit with a nod. “It’s insane and out there and nobody in their right mind would actually think it works. Which is what’s gonna make it work. Right?”

“It’s just - It’s the risk,” Ralph shakes his head, but you pull his hands up to your mouth, kissing his knuckles.

“Ralph Do-You-Have-A-Middle-Name? Penbury.” He laughs. “I am so… Ridiculously, madly, insanely in love with you that I would be willing to put my entire life on the line for you. I would quite literally risk it all.”

Ralph’s ears burn red as he smiles bashfully. “And you call me the hopeless romantic.”

“God, I know. I guess you’ve corrupted me, too,” you pull a face, and he laughs.

“You’re right, though. What sort of man would I be if I didn’t heed my own word? Though I may have far less to put on the line… I would do anything for you, my love. As long as I still have you, I will have everything.”

“Trust you to out-fluff me,” you smirk. “So, you’re willing to give it a shot?”

He takes a deep breath in, and finally nods. “Very well. Whatever happens, we shall have each other, always.”

You kiss his hands again with a grin. “Always.”

~~~

The clang of metal against metal as the door shuts behind you makes you jump out of your skin. “Jesus fucking Christ, warn someone when you’re doing that, won’t you?” you glare over at the uniform-clad man as he wrenches his key out of the lock.

“If it’s too loud for your delicate little ears, sunshine, don’t stay so close,” he sneers.

“Got no choice, have I?” you ask, rolling your eyes and gesturing down, and an almost wicked smile creeps along the man’s face.

“That’s what you get, ending up in a place like this where people like you don’t belong,” he tuts, shaking his head. “If you can’t hack it…”

“Oi, dickhead,” a voice calls from behind you. “You’re all done, now, ain’t ya? If you want to keep that face of yours arranged the way your mother made it, you’ll jog on.”

He looks at you with a smug frown, waggling his eyebrows, “That really the sort of thing you want to be known for? Dangerous reputation around these parts.”

You groan, leaning down to press your forehead into the knuckles holding your car door open as you’re standing halfway in it. “Just get that lorry of yours out of my parking space before I get done for being on double yellow lines, yeah?” The man kisses his teeth as he clambers back into his vehicle and drives away. You pull a face as you put on a mock voice, “‘Get a man with a van’, they said. ‘It’ll make your move so much easier’, they said. Prick. Thanks for helping me deal with him,” you simper at Ralph’s friend Charlotte as she scoops up a box from the pavement.

“Yeah, well. Someone’s gotta put pricks like that in their place, and it sure as shit ain’t our Ralphie,” she scoffs, and you chuckle. "Want me to go grab him so you lovebirds can say goodbye?” She says in a joking tone, pulling a kissy face at you.

You laugh, “Says the person who can’t go twelve seconds without sucking on Yankee-Doodle’s face in there,” you waggle your eyebrows.

“You’re lucky I like you, d’y’know that?” she teases, sticking her tongue out at you before turning on her heel, laughing as she faces away from you and sees Ralph emerging out from the front door of his townhouse. She wolf-whistles as the two cross paths, which Ralph looks very confused at, to your amusement.

“Sorry I have to go into work,” you pout your lower lip out in a frown as he approaches you. “They’re just so short-staffed, and I -”

“Don’t you fret, my love,” he interjects, leaning in to press a quick peck to your lips. “You must go where you are needed. Not to worry, we will remain hard at work here, and then when you return, you can relax in your new, furnished home.”

“Our home,” you correct him. “It is yours, after all. I just can’t believe that this is all real.”

“I’ve felt that way for some time, myself,” Ralph admits softly, stroking your cheek with the backs of his fingers, and you feel yourself physically melt against your car door.

“Right, I’m going before I end up feeling even worse about leaving you guys behind.” You pull Ralph in for another, longer kiss, carding your fingers through his curls as he cradles the back of your neck. A laugh bubbles between your lips as you murmur against him, “This isn’t helping!”

“Ah, what’s one more minute of them not having you?” he smiles coyly at you, and you raise your eyebrows at him.

“What if they said that about me coming back home to you, hm?”

Reluctantly, Ralph steps away. “Very well. Have a wonderful day, darling. Travel safely.”

You turn your nose up and shake your head. “Nah, think I’m gonna finally live life on the edge today.” Ralph gives you a look that tells you he isn’t amused, and you grin back, blowing him a kiss. “Be good!”

“When aren’t I?!”

~~~

You’re not sure that you’ll take the train every time you have to go to work, now; despite it being quicker, having to actively pay both ways and being sandwiched amongst so many people just doesn’t seem worth it. Still, today of all days, you wanted to get home as quickly as you could, despite all the local landmarks tempting your inner tourist. You’ve got all the time in the world now to explore them, and besides, it’d be far more entertaining showing them all to Ralph.

You unlock the door and are immediately greeted by the smell of something cooking, something really good. You step through the hallway and into the kitchen, leaning against the doorframe as you watch Ralph reading from a recipe book, squinting close to the page as he drags his finger across each line of his next instruction, his mouth moving along with every word. "Looks like you could do with some glasses," you pipe up, and Ralph yelps in surprise as he looks up at you.

"Hello, my love! Welcome home! Um, I didn't hear you come in, my apologies, I'd have met you at the door if I'd have known."

"It's okay," you soothe as you stride over to him, pulling him into a deep kiss. "What's this in aid of, is everyone staying for dinner?" A pang of disappointment strikes your chest. As much as you love yours and Ralph's friends, you were sort of hoping to have your first night in the new house alone with him.

"Not tonight, darling, this is in aid of you!" Ralph smiles over at you. "Since I have been learning, and you have been working so hard at your shop, especially juggling it all with sorting out the house and you've still been the one to make countless meals for us, I thought I would try and make your favourite meal."

You let out a small, happy whimper, kissing his cheek. "As long as it hasn't been stressing you out. Do you want any help?"

"Well, I suppose now that you mention it, I do need somebody to stand right there and just look casually beautiful, and - well, would you look at that, you're a natural!" He beams over at you, leaning in to kiss you again.

You grin bashfully, hiding your face in his shoulder. "God, look at what you've done to me! You've made me all mushy and shit."

"Happy to help, my love," he smiles, pressing one more kiss to your head before returning to his recipe.

"Sure you don't want me to help? Read things out or anything? I don't want you straining your eyes," you frown.

"Well, it's not as though I can get my eyes tested, is it?" he asks as he continues preparing food.

"But if it's just a case of reading close-up, you can get reading glasses over the counter in the shops," you explain.

"But aren't glasses rather… Unseemly?" he asks with knitted brow.

You shake your head. "If anything, the right ones would make you appear very, very… Seemly," you pull a face, not knowing if that was the correct term to use or not, and Ralph laughs gently.

"Just go and get comfortable, my love. I will call for you when dinner is served."

"Oh, yeah, forgot we have a dining room with a table, now," you smirk. "Just look at us, living the high life!"

Ralph gasps, "Oh, speaking of! Hannah left us a housewarming gift, she donated her tee-vee so that we could have one in our bedroom, as well!"

The way Ralph elongates the letters in TV so deliberately will never not charm you. "That was nice of her! How come?"

"She's moving in with that girl she met last month. All seems a bit fast-moving, if you ask me."

You look at him incredulously. "Look who's talking!"

"Yes, Hannah did point out something similar to me," he admits, ears blushing. 

You chuckle as you navigate your way through to your new bedroom. It seems strange, your familiar furniture against such an unfamiliar backdrop. Every room looks so dated - naturally, it hadn't been touched since the 50s, apparently. Still, that Pinterest board you've been working on for years is finally going to go to good use.

Your heart swells when you see the bed littered with rose petals, a classic touch that has Ralph written all over it. You explore all the dressers and wardrobes in the room, familiarising yourself with where Ralph and your friends have decided to unpack your things. You open up your underwear drawer, thumbing across the carefully-arranged bras with a smile. Finding a particularly intricate number, you fish for its matching underwear, and decide to change into it. Ralph did ask you to slip into something more comfortable, right? You find something flattering to put over the whole set and rejoin him downstairs.

He's stirring something in a pan, looking rather proud of himself, when you get back to the kitchen. This time, you tap your knuckles against the door to make your presence known, so as not to surprise him. However, once he sees you, Ralph immediately drops the utensil he's using back into the pot with an almighty clatter, his jaw visibly dropping. You smile bashfully and he clears his throat, "Forgive my reaction, my darling, but you look positively ravishing."

In Ralphspeak, you know that's the equivalent of him calling you the closest thing to sexy he's probably willing to say. At least, for now. Maybe you've still a little corruption left in you. Still, it's enough to cause your heart to race. "You like?"

"I love. I mean, of course, I love you no matter what, but…" He blows out a breath that tickles the curls that hang across his brow. "You really do look absolutely delectable."

After a lingering moment, you manage to tear your eyes away to look at what's cooking. "Speaking of, so does this! You sure I can't be of any help?"

"Not at all, my dear, it's just about ready to serve. And just in time, so I can no longer fear about getting too… Distracted," he smiles coyly, looking you up and down the way he always does. There's something a little different in the way he looks at you, though. A different sort of gleam illuminates his eyes. One that makes you want to wolf down your food, drag him up to the bedroom and pull him on top of you.

But still, he's worked hard on this meal, and he looks so proud of himself. Though he dishes up, he still rushes ahead of you into the dining room to make sure he pulls out your seat for you, guiding the chair back with you as you readjust it and kissing your cheek before lighting a candle you vaguely recognise as an old secret Santa gift that you never ended up using, and going back for your food.

You exchange stories about your day: you, about the stresses of working short-staffed on a weekend during a school holiday, meaning a terrifying crossover of screaming babies and toddlers, chaotic children, less-than-trustworthy teenagers and overly-entitled adults; Ralph, about all the different ways your friends almost broke almost every piece of furniture you own while trying to get it into the house. Both equally stressful for you to recount.

At first, once you're done, Ralph insists on cleaning up after himself, but after a lot of pouting, eyelash batting and gentle touches, you coax him out to sit in the living room - another whole room dedicated to one thing, you've not lived like this since you moved out of your parents' - and cuddle up to him on the sofa.

Your embrace barely lasts a minute before your lips are on his, again. He’s desperate to get as close to you as he can, clawing at your clothes as he presses the kiss open. Holding the back of his neck to steady yourself, you move yourself up to straddle his lap, letting your tongue slip into his mouth and moaning at the sensation of his against yours. He echoes you as his hands slip down your sides to squeeze your hips. You buck them under his touch, feeling his erection grow beneath you.

He chokes out a soft, ��May I?” as his fingers curl around to grip at the fabric of your top. You nod, sitting back and holding your arms up to let him take it off of you. He starts trying to fold it up behind you but, impatient, you take the garment from him and blindly throw it behind you, holding his face to kiss him again.

He takes your hands into his own and guides them back down, his kisses moving from your lips, down your jaw and to your neck, where he finds an especially sensitive spot and stays there, kissing it over and over again, all while muttering sweet nothings to you. “You are so very beautiful, my darling… How fortunate I am to be this intimate with you… Just exquisite in every conceivable way…" You rock your hips faster at his words, throwing him off his train of thought entirely as he sits back and watches you lustfully.

His gaze isn't trained on your face, though. Instead, he's transfixed on the way your breasts move, both from your heaving breaths and from grinding on him. Biting your lip, you wrap a hand around the back of his neck and start pushing it towards you as his tongue just pokes out enough to wet his lips. "Wanna put that mouth to better use?" You ask as you guide him closer to your chest.

He gasps in soft delight, looking up at you gleefully. "Are you quite sure?" You nod and his face melts into one of pure ecstacy. "Thank you, my love," he mutters before taking one of your nipples into his mouth. 

His plush lips press against your flesh as he kisses, sucks and licks at your nipple. Biting back a moan, you rest your hand in his hair, ruffling it slightly and muttering with a smile, “You like that, don’t you?” He hums out an mm-hm that vibrates against your skin, and reaches up to play the other nipple between his finger and thumb. You keen towards him, grip tightening and head bending down to him as you groan loudly, “Fuck, that’s it, good boy!” Words you’d never have thought you’d say in such a context fly out of your mouth so easily, and you could swear he sounded like he was chirping with happiness as you said them.

He moves away from the breast he’s suckling on, pressing one more brief peck to your wet, hardened nipple, and starts to focus on the other, still brushing the other nipple with the backs of his knuckles. You whine, whimper and moan as your still-clothed cunt begs for sweet release. You’re constantly amazed at how quickly Ralph can bring you to an apex few had ever even managed to. “God, Ralph, need you so bad.”

“Of course, please forgive me, got rather carried away there,” he mumbles apologetically to you, but the kiss you press to his forehead tells him there’s nothing for him to be sorry for. Ralph looks around, his brow furrowing. “Um, I don’t wish to diminish the mood at all, but there doesn’t seem to be an awful lot of… Space, here.”

You cock your head, smiling coyly. “You wanna go to the bed you prepared for this exact occasion?”

Ralph returns a smaller, more sheepish smile, his ears tinting. “Ah, you noticed. I suppose, of course you did, it would be difficult not to. Still, was it alright? Or too much?” His face falls. “It was too much, wasn’t it?”

You fleetingly frown in thought. “A little, yeah.” Your expression quickly changes back into a grin, though. “But it was your brand of too much, which makes it perfect.” You lean back to unbutton his shirt. “Unfortunately, my brand is not being patient enough to wait that long.”

“I wouldn’t say that of you, you were rather patient with me all those months,” Ralph notes pointedly, and you laugh.

“Yeah, you used it all up!” You climb off of him, slowly sliding the bottom half of your outfit off, but leaving your underwear on. Looking over at him gawking, you smirk, "You sure you want this? Not exactly dressed for the occasion."

He reaches up to stroke the pad of his thumb across the intricate design of your underwear. "Of course, you had been wearing a matching set, but it was I who became so impatient that I missed out on seeing it in full, my deepest apologies, my love, I - well," he suddenly, hurriedly slips himself out of all his clothes, leaving them in a heap by his feet, making you giggle again.

"Maybe I'll still let you see it," you tell him suggestively, hooking your thumbs into the elastic of your panties. "Maybe I'll wear it all again and take some photos on your phone." With nothing left to cover it, you watch Ralph's cock twitch at the idea and bite your lip to compose yourself. "Maybe," you continue as you slowly push your underwear down your thighs, "I'll leave a video or two, as well." You watch his face as you let them fall past your ankle, stepping out of them and walking back over to him. "What do you think?"

"I think you spoil me, my love," he smiles softly. He reaches down to the jeans he'd all but ripped off of himself, fumbling through a pocket until he pulls out a condom and starts to put it on himself.

Watching the act of him wrapping it around himself and sliding it down is almost enough to totally distract you from your initial thought. Almost. "Did you really just have a condom just sitting there in your pocket? And you make out like I'm the horndog!"

Ralph blushes, "Yes, well, I sort of… Hoped we would… Christen the place, so to speak.”

You climb into his lap, hovering yourself to line up with where he’s holding his shaft. “I like that idea,” you smile softly before sliding yourself down onto him. You both let out staggered moans as you let yourself get used to the sensation of being filled by him, before kneeling yourself up to the point where you can just about feel his tip still inside you and then sinking yourself back down.

His hands grip your hips tightly as he moans your name. You repeat the motions a few times, revelling in the way it feels to drop onto him, having him enter you so deeply and so quickly. You soon start to feel an ache, though, and decide to pace yourself, keeping him bottomed out inside of you and grinding against him until you feel rested enough to go again. 

You can see Ralph’s mouth constantly silently moving, as though he wants to keep complimenting you the way he always does, but he’s too blissed out from feeling you clench around him, your cunt gripping his cock tightly with no intention of ever letting him back out of you again. You especially try to make sure you commit the face he makes every time you pull yourself out just to fuck yourself back down onto him again, to your memory, knowing that just remembering the way he reacts to you would be enough to turn you on, if you ever needed anything to fuel your imagination.

At one point, while you’re rocking your hips with him inside you, you finally manage to get yourself at just the right angle to hit that sweet spot that Ralph is always able to find. Keeping yourself at the same angle, you move yourself even faster, moaning louder and more often.

Ralph seems to notice, and does his best to hold you in place as he bucks his hips up underneath your weight. You curl yourself forward, arms wrapped around his shoulders and face buried in his neck as he fucks you from where he sits beneath you. Knowing how good it makes you feel when he mutters sweet sentiments to you, you mumble against his skin, “Feel so good, Ralphie… You always know how to, you’re fucking amazing… So good to me, so sweet, my Ralph, no-one else’s… My sweet and handsome boy, knows just how to please me, fuck.” 

."He whimpers and whines, music to your ears as you feel your climax start to build again. “Oh, god, Ralphie, I’m so clo- Oh my god,” you groan as he starts to massage your clit in rapid circles. “Oh, fuck, yes, so good to me, thank you… Wish I could, do more for you.”

“- Already do the absolute most, darling,” he soothes. “’M already embarrassingly near to finishing, myself.”

You shake your head, “Nothing to be ashamed of, not at all, god, please cum for me, Ralphie, and I will for you, please?” Ralph completely falls apart beneath you at your words, moaning your name and digging his fingers bruisingly into your skin. You feel yourself becoming one with him as you ride out your orgasm.

He wraps his arms around your hips, cradling you on his lap, and you rest your forehead against his as you both breathe heavily, intertwined in body, in breath, in spirit. You’d never, ever thought you’d even ever contemplate the idea a year ago, but in this moment, you really are certain that Ralph is your one true soulmate.

He leans in to envelop your lips with his own in a sweet and passionate kiss before muttering, “Forgive me, my love, but I do rather need to take care of…”

You whine indignantly, but stand to climb off of him. “Suppose I should actually change into something comfortable now, eh?” You ask humorously, and you hear his laughter from where he’s throwing his used condom away in the bathroom. The downstairs bathroom that you now have in the townhouse where you live with the love of your life. This was always pipe-dream material, but here you are. Living it.

You run upstairs, taking a moment to again admire the state of the bed and think about all the ways you plan to christen it later, and look through clothes to get changed into. Opting for a tank-top-and-pyjama-bottoms combination, you take yourself to your en-suite and freshen up as you get changed.

When you open up the door again, Ralph is just pulling a white shirt over his head, and you smile fondly at his choice to pair it with a very familiar pair of sweatpants. “Those were the first clothes I ever gave you,” you recall, and he looks at you with a similar expression.

“I believe that was also what you had chosen to wear the first night I met you, as well. When you gave me your bed without knowing anything at all about me,” he reminisces.

You giggle, “Oh, yeah, you wouldn’t even look me in the eye because you didn’t want to be ‘improper’, now look at you!” You tap his nose teasingly, and his ears flush red.

“Oh, hush,” he frowns, but the air of a laugh hangs in his voice. “You really were - I mean, to take me in as you did, in my time of need while knowing absolutely nothing about me, especially after Mister Peter told you my far-fetched reasoning for being here…” Ralph wraps his arms around your waist. “Giving me the life I have now, the friends I have, the - everything,” he sighs wistfully. 

“Yeah, well. You try looking you right in the chocolate buttons and saying no to that face,” you smirk, and he laughs. “It’s like I said when we went to the inheritance people to get this place. With my gift of the gab, and your gift of the… Face, the charm, and the everything else you’ve got going for you, we’re unstoppable,” you beam.

“I still can’t believe you were able to talk them around like that,” he looks at you adoringly, and you shrug.

“The amount of backlog they so obviously had, and the amount of effort it would have taken if we hadn’t convinced them to cut some corners with us, it was a doddle,” you shrug. “I could tell they weren’t the brown-nosing type, they weren’t gonna go back to check every little part of what I said we’d set out to do was legitimately within their procedures.”

“A skill set like that is wasted on your little clothes shop,” he frowns, leaning forward to kiss your forehead, and you laugh.

“Yeah, well. Maybe it’s time I look for something new that’s a bit more local to this area,” you nod. “I don’t think Babs’d let you quit, though.”

“Heavens, no, she’d be out for my blood!” Ralph exclaims, and you laugh loudly.

Once you’re back at the sofa, cuddled up beneath a blanket and watching TV together, even though you’re curled up against Ralph’s chest, you can sense something’s bothering him. “You alright?” You ask him.

“Couldn’t be better, darling,” he replies, but the tension you feel beneath your cheek betrays his lie.

“Nah, c’mon, tell me,” you sit yourself up next to him, and he sighs heavily.

“Well, I was just thinking of how… I mean, yes, we have a house now, at least, but I’m still not legally a person, am I? I know we said we wouldn’t openly use that story about me never being registered and so on unless it were absolutely necessary.”

“Yeah, we agreed, only if you need serious medical treatment,” you nod.

“R-right, but what about the other things?” He asks warily, twiddling his thumbs.

“Like holidaying? We can survive not going abroad, Ralph,” you laugh.

“Not just that… What about… Well, we could never be truly wed, or be a family,” you hear his voice get weaker, shakier.

“Sure, we can,” you wrap your arm around his shoulders and pull him so that he nuzzles into your neck, stroking his hair. “Okay, so we couldn’t get, like, legally married, but so what? We can still use the same bank account as if it were a joint one. I could easily change my name by deed poll. We could still throw a wedding in every other aspect, just without the signing the register. And as for the other bit, I mean, you can register with just one parent and add another later, if we do get away with your story about neither of yours registering you.”

“You seem rather sure in your knowledge, there,” he notes with a hint of amusement.

“Yeah, well… Maybe I looked into it all a little.” He looks over at you with a knowing grin, and you feel yourself get sheepish. “What?”

“Nothing, dearest,” Ralph chimes. “Just seems a little… What’s that word that you call me all the time?”

“Sappy? Tell me about it,” you shake your head, and Ralph laughs. 

“It’s an honour to make you feel that way, darling,” he leans over to kiss you. After a few minutes, he breaks away to stroke your cheek with his thumb as he holds your face. “You seriously see a future - of us? With me? I -”

You pull him in for another kiss, laughter bubbling between you as you do so, “Yes, you big dafty!”

He chirps happily. “Well, I suppose I’ve a lot to do, then, haven’t I!”

You take a deep breath in as you brace yourself to potentially let Ralph down. “Yeah, but… look, when I said I was looking into it, I meant as in, like, way into our future, yeah? We’ve got bags of time, I just want to enjoy it all with you, you know?”

To your surprise, Ralph scoffs at you. “Well, naturally. Did you think I would propose to you in this manner? Without so much as a ring? Or even your family’s blessing?”

“Oh, well, that won’t take long at all,” you smirk. “I bet you, when we go have dinner with Mum and Dad next week, by the time we even tell them that we’re together now, Mum’ll be asking you what colour her wedding outfit should be!”

A proud smile bursts onto Ralph’s face, but it quickly fades. “Do you think they’ll fear that us getting a house together is too big of a commitment too quickly?”

“Again. Ralph. They love you,” you reiterate to him, squeezing his hand. “And once they find out you’re responsible for us moving to Southwark, where they are? Dad’ll have gotten himself ordained by the time they bring out desserts just to make sure you’d become a permanent part of the family.”

Ralph’s heart swells hundredfold at the sentiment as he embraces you in yet another kiss. “I suppose I am rather overthinking things, aren’t I?”

“Just a tad,” you scrunch your face up, and he laughs.

“I mean, it’s really no different than when we were living at your flat, really, is it?” He chuckles, and you shake your head.

“Except we could have a pet, now,” you muse, and Ralph sits up straight, his face full of excitement.

“Could we get a cat?!” He beams at you, making you laugh.

“God, you and cats, what is with that?”

“I have a theory,” he muses. “Since Cheese and I got along so well so quickly, I think because we were so similar, he put in a good word with all the other cats. That’s the only explanation there could possibly be.”

After a brief hesitation, you laugh, “Sorry, in what way are you so similar to our old neighbour’s cat?!”

“Well, both of us were sort-of confined to our little flats, neither of us technically supposed to be there. I think he could sense that of me when I first met him, back when I… Upset that neighbour of yours.”

“Because you burnt your toast so badly that you almost suffocated the ninth floor with smoke?” You ask with raised eyebrows, and Ralph slinks back into his seat bashfully.

“Well, I’ve learned now, haven’t I?” He points out.

“That, you have. I’m so proud of how far you’ve come,” you hug his arm, shuffling up to his side. “With everything. How you’ve learned to cope with all this modern stuff, all the stuff you never got to learn growing up, and just… I’m really pleased you’ve been starting to love yourself as much - well, almost as much as I love you,” you simper, resting your head on his arm. “Ugh, god, I really am a sap now, aren’t I?”

Ralph chuckles, pressing a peck onto the top of your head. “At least we can both be, together, eh?”

You sigh contentedly as he wraps his arms around you, pulling the blanket around to make sure you’re both comfortable. You look around at the walls, imagining what decorating with Ralph is going to be like in the coming few weeks, and then picturing the photos you’d hang on there. Travels with Ralph all across the country. Your eventual engagement photos, because of course Ralph’s going to make that moment as photogenic as possible so you’ll have something to capture and savour that memory forever. Wedding photos, all your friends and Ralph’s all dressed up to the nines, singing and dancing the night away to celebrate the pair of you. Pictures of your eventual babies, some with Ralph’s eyes and some with his hair but all of them with his warm, kind smile. Those kids’ first moments, their first smiles, first steps, first day at school.

You break yourself away from your trance-like train of thought to see Ralph’s watching you with all the love that could possibly exist in the world currently living in his gaze. “I’m thinking of the same, too, my love,” he whispers excitedly, as though he’s able to see into your mind telepathically. “I can’t wait for the rest of our lives, either.”

[busyralph]

busy streets and busy lives • ralph penbury x reader

A strange day at work gets even stranger when you meet a man who claims he's from 1926. With no certainty as to when he can get back, you decide to take him in until that time arrives.

masterlist

Tags: Timewasters (series), modern!au, established relationship, 18+ (MINORS DNI), protected sex (p in v), fingering (f receiving)

Word count: 2.4k

Summary: When we last left the Busy Streets and Busy Lives universe, you’d been considering getting a new job now that you’ve moved into Ralph’s house with him. But part of starting a new job means having to make a good impression, letting your work speak for you. And in prioritising that, you’ve been a little neglectful of your own desires, as well as somebody else’s…

A/N: God, I missed writing these idiots. Just a quick, smutty lil thing because I didn't know how to jump back in lmao. Not all epilogues will be smutty, but a bitch has needs too, y'know.

(Also, in case you haven't seen yet, don't worry, this is @quinnkeerys themself lol, I just made this blog to keep bsbl alive :))

Ralph knocks tentatively on the door to the room that you’ve converted into your new office as you rest your temples on the heels of your hands and growl in frustration at your laptop. You look over your shoulder and your face softens into a smile. “God, aren’t you a sight for sore eyes,” you smile wearily as he approaches you.

“How goes your latest project, my love?” He asks, draping his arms over you and peppering kisses along your cheek.

“Take a wild guess,” you scoff, shaking your head. “I get that I left the shop because I wanted a challenge, but my god, at what cost?”

“A job far more stimulating than the same old, same old? One that’s closer to where we live now?” Ralph suggests, pressing a kiss to the top of your head and breathing deeply. “You’ve been at your desk an awful long time, darling. Perhaps you could take a break?”

You squeeze your eyes shut and shake your head. “Can’t. Gotta stay on task.”

Ralph frowns. “Something ails you. Something other than the job at hand.” His thumbs start to rub circles into your back, his fingers working your shoulders. “You’re stressing yourself out far too much, dearest. You’ll make yourself ill, and you’ll be far worse off for it.”

You allow yourself a fraction of a second to lean into his touch before bringing yourself back to reality. “Look, I just - I made a good first impression and I really need to keep it up.”

“Your work will suffer from your stress, too,” Ralph points out. “And I miss you terribly.”

“Ralph…” you coo, moving a hand up to ghost over one of his as he continues massaging your shoulders. "Miss you, too."

"Take a break," Ralph repeats, a little more deliberation in his tone, swivelling you around in your chair. "Come with me." You take the hand he extends to you and stand to let him guide you to the bedroom. You give him a look, one that's about to tease him for having one thing on the brain, but instead he ignores it to ask you, "Would you lay down on your stomach?" as he presents the bed to you.

"What are you trying to do to me, Penbury?" You ask slyly as you clamber onto the bed, burying half your face into the pillows.

"Just trying to look after you, my treasure," he simpers, kneeling beside you to resume massaging your shoulders. "Help you… Slow things down, for a night."

You lift your head. "A whole night? Ralph, I -" He gently shushes you back into silence, working your shoulders and neck until you melt back into the plush of your bed. "Mmm, this is a dangerous skill you've got," you smile defeatedly. "How long have you been hiding this?"

"I must admit, I am aware of its… Effect," you can hear the proud little smile in Ralph's voice. "Which is why I only wanted to share it with you when necessary, and not a moment sooner. Just relax, darling," he purrs as he moves his hands to instead slide beneath your shirt, working the supple flesh of your back.

"God, Ralph, that feels so good," you drawl, completely becoming one with the mattress.

"I bet it does, my love," that same tone that tells you he's smiling proudly returns. "Just feel my fingers pressing into you, pushing all of that horrible tension away. For tonight, at least, it shall no longer consume you, my beloved."

His hands move lower and lower, until they're pressing just where the curve of your ass begins. Your hips wiggle involuntarily at the thought of Ralph caressing your ass, and you can't catch the automatic whimper that leaves your throat when his hands slide back up again. "Ralph…" you moan softly.

"Yes, love? Would you like me to…?" He doesn't say it, but his hands make their way down your bare back and then over your clothed cheeks. He slides his palms over your curves and only grips once he's at your thighs. "Is this where you need me?"

"I don't think the clothes are helping," you smirk, and he takes heed, tapping on your hips to silently ask you to lift them as he slowly undresses your lower half. Once your legs are completely bare, he gets to work again, massaging your feet, your ankles, up your legs to your thighs. Not saying a word, but humming in the most delectable way the whole time. 

As he caresses your ass, pressing and squeezing and grabbing in ways that have you chirping and squealing in excitement, Ralph coos, "There's part of you that I've yet to touch, darling." He moves one hand to grip the very topmost part of your inner thigh, ghosting his thumb up across your folds. "Would you l-"

"Yes," you interject hastily. "God, yes, Ralph, please touch me there," you whine, and his face lifts into a soft, warm smile.

"As you wish, my love. Though it would probably be more fruitful for you to lay on your back for that."

It feels like a chore, bringing yourself out of such a relaxed stupor just to flip yourself over, but you undress your top half in the process, too. Once you're comfortable again, and Ralph starts to get back into position, you stop him. "I think you need your shirt off, too, Ralphie."

A small, playful smirk adorns his face. "Would that help you to relax?"

You nod earnestly. "Most definitely." Amused, Ralph slips out of the quarter-zip he'd been wearing, his smile even bigger as you silently encourage him to also take off the T-shirt he'd been wearing underneath.

Once it's off, before you can try and convince him of any more, he bends down to kiss you. His hand strokes at your jaw until it opens to allow your tongue to meet with his. This kiss is different though - it's not a wild and fiery tango within your mouths; it's a slow, deliberate, controlled waltz that Ralph is definitely leading. The hums you fill the kiss with turn into full-blown moans when he reaches his hands down to grope both of your breasts.

He continues to massage them while kissing you for some time, before moving down silently to start kissing your neck, down the valley of your breasts, until his lips latch around one of your nipples. Despite your head being clouded with arousal, you still can't fight off a smile as Ralph still finds a way to include his favourite form of affection.

You prop yourself up on your elbow to watch him, playing with the loose curls that fall against his forehead as you smirk, "You really like it there, huh, baby?" He chirps happily, letting one go with a satisfyingly wet pop before moving to suckle on the other. He looks up at you adoringly, humming delightfully as his mouth caresses your sensitive nub. "So good to me," you purr.

He kisses further down your body, smattering the expanse of your tummy with soft, sweet pecks. He crawls backwards as he keeps kissing lower and lower down your body, until he naturally falls into place between your legs. His mouth wraps around your clit as he effortlessly sinks two fingers inside of you. You keen against him, whining loudly. Ralph's cheeks dust your thighs as he smiles, "That's it, my darling. Empty yourself of all other thoughts. It's just you and me. And I live to satisfy you."

"Mmm, y'go… Above and beyond that, Ralphie," you drawl, your hips squirming against him. "Shit, baby, m'g'nna… Gonna cum…"

"Oh, please do," Ralph begs as he curls his fingers, rubbing your clit with his thumb at the same time in such a way that you’re climaxing over his hand in seconds; overwhelmingly so, you feel it shooting through your nervous system, followed by a weighted feeling of pure calm, relaxing every one of those nerves.

As you recover, you hear him noisily and delightfully sucking his fingers clean. With a soft smile, you tap his head and gesture for him to move up to be face level with you. He practically pounces back up and immediately kisses you, his dry hand splaying across your cheek. You chuckle against his lips, “How did you know that’s what I wanted from you?”

“I was simply acting upon my own impulse,” he grins back. “Any reciprocation is just a bonus.”

“Speaking of reciprocating…” You start, looking him in the eyes suggestively as your fingers trace routes between each of the freckles along his chest and shoulders, committed to muscle memory by this point. Ralph’s brow furrows, and you allow yourself a quiet, breathy laugh. “I know, I know, you wanted to relax me and not the other way around, but if you wanted to keep me distracted…”

“How do you want me, darling?” He asks, hurriedly shimmying out of the rest of his clothes before reaching for the nightstand. He scrambles to grab a condom and slides it on with ease, looking over at you in anticipation.

"I don’t care how,” you shake your head. “Only as long as you want it, too, not just for me," your eyebrows knit with concern, and he smiles warmly down at you.

"Darling, I assure you that the day I would not want for you, is the day I should be put down like an old dog."

"Ralph!" You giggle as he starts to kiss your neck. 

“Shhh, just relax,” he soothes, gently shushing between pecks. “Empty your mind again. Let me take care of you.” You nod, and he reaches down to line himself up with you.

You smirk up at him, reaching up to play with his hair, “My Ralphie already hard for me?”

He whines out an mm-hm. “Missed touching you like this… Being so close to you, again…”

“’M sorry, baby,” you pout. “I promise I’ll make more time for you.”

You feel his tip barely penetrating you and inhale deeply, basking in the anticipation of feeling Ralph inside of you again, but he stops to look up at you again. “Promise for you, also.” You look at him quizzically, and he elaborates. “Promise you’ll make time for you, as well.”

Your face melts into a warm smile. "Yes, Ralph. I promise I'll do better at looking after myself."

His whole expression lights up as he presses himself inside of you, and he revels in watching your entire self form a puddle beneath him. He anchors his fists into your sheets deeply as he feels your walls clench over his cock, and buries his face into your neck again. “My darling,” he whines, “please forgive me.”

“Forgive you?” you frown. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing!” He replies hurriedly, still muffled from where his head is sunk. “I just… I think I might… Not last as long as I’d hoped to please you for.”

You fall into a soft laughter as you run your fingers back and forth through his curls. “Don’t worry, baby,” you coo. “The way you’ve taken care of me tonight, I won’t, either.” You let out a long, stuttered gasp as his hips snap against yours. “Fuck, especially if you keep hitting that spot.”

His lips turn up into a small smile as he pulls back to push himself in faster. “Did you mean that one, by chance?” he teases.

You mewl, “God, yes, Ralph, please don’t stop.”

“Not to worry, darling, I don’t plan to,” he smirks as he keeps fucking into you. Your fingers dig into his shoulders, your heels into his back as you feel your second climax quickly building.

You hum out, “Mmm, Ralph… Close, again… Are you?”

“I shan’t be far behind you, I’m sure,” he coos, reaching between you to rub at your clit. Your field of vision fills with spots of colour as he gets you to your second apex. The first one had felt more like a sea of calm washing over you; this one is a final spark of pleasure, an explosion from your core to the very tips of your fingers and toes. Ralph presses his forehead against yours as he thrusts into you one final time.

You stay there, foreheads touching, breathing in each others’ air for a good few minutes before Ralph finally pulls himself out of you. “I’ll be right back, darling,” he whispers, pressing a kiss to your forehead, another to your nose and a final one to your lips before going to the bathroom to clean up.

He soon returns to the bedroom, though not before hunting through his drawers to find a sweater he knows you’ll find comfortable. Tired, you muse with a small smirk, “Not even giving me my most favourite one?” as you pull it over your head.

“Apologies, darling, but I had promised Alex I’d wear it to work tomorrow. Apparently they have a similar one in red and there’s something of a match, there,” he throws his T-shirt and boxers back on before climbing back into bed with you and wrapping you in an embrace. “And besides, you’d only perspire and make yourself uncomfortable.”

You roll over in his arms with a grin. “Please take so many photos of you both as human versions of the Cookie Monster and Elmo.”

“I’m sure we will, darling,” he smiles sleepily, kissing your forehead once more before you curl yourself up to nestle your head in the crook of his neck.

“Thank you for tonight,” you pipe up. “And I’m… Sorry I’ve been neglecting us both.”

“Don’t be,” he soothes. “I understand. But I hope now you understand the importance of taking a break.”

“When you make it so appealing, how could I not?” You smile against his skin, pressing more kisses to his neck as he squeezes you tighter. “But you’re right. I’ll make more time for us. And not just for this, for… Everything. I miss living life with you.”

“Well, thankfully, I do plan on living the rest of my life with you, so what’s a day or two here and there?” he smiles into your hair, and you can’t help but laugh.

“You’re so corny sometimes, you know that?” You ask lightly, squeezing your arms around him.

“You remind me constantly, dear,” he agrees with a soft laugh lilting his own tone, too. 

“Good job I love you, isn’t it?” you tease. “Goodnight, Ralphie.”

“Good night, my love. Pleasant dreams.”

[a-writer-on-elm-street]

Would it be possible to do a smut for Ralph where they’re caught having sex?

Tell The World

Pairing: Ralph x Fem!Reader

Summary: You've been keeping your relationship with Ralph a secret, and you've been successful, that is until someone walks in on you whilst in the middle of something...

Warnings: Handjob, oral sex (m recieving), unprotected sex.

A/N: I actually had a lot of fun writing this. Hope this is okay!

You struggled to keep a straight face as you glanced over at Ralph, who was watching you from where he stood in the doorway. If you weren't currently sitting beside Victoria you'd probably jump him right there.

You and Ralph had been secretly seeing each other for a couple of months now. The secrecy was mostly on your part because you were worried his sister might not approve. And Ralph loved his sister so you couldn't bare the thought of her being against your relationship.

After a few more minutes of Ralph staring at you from the doorway, you couldn't take it anymore. You shot up from the couch, spinning around to quickly tell Victoria you were going for a lie down, and then you almost knocked Ralph over on your way out of the living room.

He clearly got the message as it wasn't long before he was following you up the stairs to your room.

"Ralph you really should stop staring at me like that when we're in public."

"But how can I when you're the most beautiful person I've ever seen." He answered, gently closing the door before making his way over to you, his hands snaking around your waist.

"How did I get so lucky?" You sighed, bringing a hand up to rest on the side of his face.

He smiled as you pulled him down to you, gently pressing your lips against his. You hummed against his lips when you felt him tracing small circles on your hips with his fingers.

And when you parted, you simply couldn't wait any longer. You led him toward your bed, gently guiding him to sit down before undoing his trousers and slowly sliding them down his legs along with his underwear.

You heard him mutter a quiet 'oh' when you wrapped your hand around his length, swiping your thumb over his tip. You looked up at him when you started to move your hand over him, grinning as you watched his eyes flutter closed, his mouth slightly agape.

"You're the most beautiful person I've ever seen." You repeated his words back to him, smiling as he let out a quiet moan.

You pumped him a few times before releasing him, leaning down to leave a trail of kisses over his thighs, slowly making your way up to his swollen cock. You heard him whimper when you finally closed your mouth over his tip, sucking slightly before taking him into your mouth.

"My love." He muttered, releasing breathy moans. "That...that feels amazing."

You started to bob your head up and down on his lap, holding onto his thighs as he squirmed beneath you. As you continued your movements over him, you felt him carefully thread his fingers through your hair.

"Oh...oh god." He groaned, his fingers tightening in your hair as you felt him twitch inside your mouth.

You flinched slightly when you felt his load hit the back of your throat. And when you pulled off of him, he still had his head tilted back as he tried to catch his breath.

"Would you like to continue?" You asked him, standing up to reach under your skirt, removing your own underwear.

He quickly nodded, sitting up straighter now as he watched you approach, a nervous smile on his face.

You climbed onto his lap, positioning your legs on either side of him. And you took no time in reaching down to guide him toward your entrance.

He moaned when you finally sank down on him.

"Oh Ralph." You groaned as you started to grind your hips over him, his hands coming up to wrap around your thighs. "You feel so good."

He could only respond with a soft moan as you continued your movements over him.

However, your moment of bliss was soon interrupted when the door swung open behind you and you were met with the sound of Victoria's voice.

"(y/n)? Have you seen-" She cut herself off when she saw you both. "Ralph."

"Oh, god." You frantically tried to push yourself off him, landing on the floor with a thud as you looked up at Victoria in the doorway. "Oh my god."

"Victoria, um...what...what are you doing here?" Ralph questioned as he quickly dressed himself, standing up.

"I was looking for you." She chuckled, leaning a hand on the doorframe as she watched you both. "And you two seemed...close, so I assumed (y/n) would know where you'd gotten to."

"Victoria, I'm so sorry." You started to say, standing up now, hoping you didn't look too dishevelled. "We were going to tell you eventually, I just-"

"Oh no, I don't care what you get up to in your...free time. I'm just happy my brother has finally found someone."

"You...you are?"

"Of course! Now, would you like me to give you a moment to finish, or can I take Ralph now?"

"Just...please give me a moment." Ralph said, awkwardly waving a hand at her.

She just gave you both an amused look before slipping out the door, leaving you alone.

"My love, I am so sorry about my sister." He started. "I had no idea she was just going to walk in like that. If I'd have known-"

"Ralph." You interrupted him, bringing your hands up to rest on either side of his face. "It's fine. I'm just glad she doesn't hate me, hate me being with you."

He just stared at you then, like he was unsure how to respond. And you couldn't help the smile that tugged at your lips as you looked up at him.

"I love you, Ralph. And now that Victoria approves, I can tell the world."

He grinned. "Well in that case, I'd like to take you out tonight."

"I'd love that."

[Main Masterlist] [Ralph Masterlist]

[spookyscarydemonbabe]

Close… So Close

Summary- Ralph loves being intimate with you, but he wonders if there’s ways of doing it without having to be dirty. He just wants to feel closer to you.

Genre- Fluff

Warnings- Reader has female anatomy, mentions reader and ralph being naked but nothing explicit

Tag List- @wheels-of-despair

(tag list is always open, let me know if you’d like to be added!)

Word Count- 2.4k

Ralph was sitting patiently for you in the kitchen, waiting for your arrival back home from the short trip you had taken to visit your family. You had left so early that morning, leaving him with only a quick kiss as he was still half asleep in bed, and he had been missing you ever since, just as he always did whenever you went out for the day.

All he had been wanting recently was to be closer to you. To feel more intimate with you in ways that didn’t have to involve getting dirty. He adored you and wanted you to know that.

He perked up the moment he heard the locks click on the front door, sitting up from the counter with a smile on his lips as he quickly made his way to the foyer to greet you back home with a loving embrace.

“Darling!” He exclaimed as he saw you there at the door, a bag next to you on the floor as you had already began removing your various accessories that you had been wearing well over 12 hours. You looked so tired, exhausted from your trip, but Ralph saw you as beautiful nonetheless.

A smile spread across your lips as you saw him, still his cheerful bubbly self even after you knew how much he dreaded being apart from you for so long,

“Hello my love, i missed you so much,” Your arms wrapped around his neck and his went around your waist, holding you tightly, a giggle slipped through your lips as he squeezed you, “and i’m guessing you missed me too?”

“Of course i did dear, more than you know. How was the trip?”

“Exhausting…” You let out a slow sigh as you separated, “I’m just happy to be home now.”

“I’m happy you’re home too my love,” He gently held your cheeks and tilted your head downwards, planting a soft kiss to your forehead, “I missed having you so close to me…”

“I’ve missed it too.” You let out another sigh, leaning down to pull off your shoes from your aching feet with a groan, “All i want is a nice, calm, relaxing night.”

“Why don’t i draw you a bath?” Ralph suggested with a smile.

“That sounds perfect right about now.”

Ralph reached down and grabbed the suitcase at your side,

“I’ll take this, let’s go upstairs so you can change and I’ll get your bath started.” Wirh the other hand he took yours and you quietly made your way into your shared bedroom.

It was so nice to be at home finally, so quiet and peaceful. As much as you loved getting to go and visit your friends and family, even for just a day, it was always so draining. Ralphie always knew exactly what you needed to help you feel better after such a long day.

He set your suitcase at the end of the bed and you took a deep breath as you undid the skirt at your waist, the relief coming after the tight fabric was dropped down to your feet. You knew there would be little red marks and indents on your tummy from that damned skirt but the warm water of the bath would soothe them so well.

As you continued to undress, Ralph brought you your robe and laid it out onto the bed for you,

“You take your time sweetheart, i’ll unpack for you while you’re in the bath.”

You leaned over and placed a kiss onto his cheek, giving him a smile as you slowly undressed. Ralph entered the bathroom and started up the water for you, grabbing a few things from the sink cabinet for it.

He had checked to make sure the water was the perfect temperature for you before sprinkling in a few bath salts, eucalyptus scented, to help ease your aching muscles after such a long day. He had grabbed another bottle, lavender bubble bath, and poured it into the water. He pulled a stool up to the side of the bath and moved his hand through the water, mixing in the bubble bath and making sure everything was absolutely perfect. He even lit a few candles for you just to make it a little extra relaxing.

You slowly entered the bathroom and stood at the door, admiring Ralphie as he sat there with the most angelic look on his face. He looked so serene and peaceful, the same way he did as he slept. Just looking at him was enough to take the stress off of your shoulders and seeing the smile on his lips as soon as he noticed you there in the doorway nearly made you melt.

“Darling, i don’t think i tell you enough how beautiful you are.” He stood up from his stool and grabbed one of the hand towels from the sink, drying off his arm as he approached you.

You stepped forward, your hands moving to the little knot at the front of your robe before he quickly stopped you,

“Please, let me?” He asked you with the sweetest puppy dog eyes.

You gave him a smile and a quick kiss to the forehead before you nodded to him, his fingers delicately holding both ends of the ribbon around your waist and slowly pulled them apart, the front of your robe exposing your body to the cold air of the bathroom.

He let the smooth fabric drape at your sides, quickly going to close the bathroom door behind you,

“Just in case darling, i wouldn’t want anyone to accidentally ruin your night.”

He walked back over behind you, close enough for you to feel the warmth of his body behind you as his fingers grabbed the fabric at your shoulders, slowly pulling it away and letting the robe pile around your feet. His lips placed gentle kisses all along your shoulders, even lifting up one of your arms to kiss a trail all the way down to the back of your hand.

You smiled, watching the way Ralph admired you. He always made you feel so beautiful.

He gently held your hand in his and guided you over to the tub, helping you keep your balance as you placed one foot into the warm sudsy water.

“How is it my love? Did i make it too hot for you? Are there too many bubbles?”

“Ralphie, it’s perfect,” You turned to him as you stepped into the bath, leaning forward and giving him a sweet and reassuring kiss, “everything is perfect.”

You turned your back to him and slowly settled into the bath, Ralph lifted the ends of your hair over the edge of the tub as you laid against it, letting out a deep sigh. All of the stress and worries of your day had gone, the warm bath and the mixed scents of the essential oils in the bath salts and sweet lavender from the bubble bath only helped further. Your eyes slowly shut as the warm water surrounding your body soothed your aching muscles.

“Darling?” Ralphie asked you.

“Yes sweetheart?”

“Your hair has a few tangles in it,” His hand reached up and you could feel the tips of his perfectly manicured fingers gently rake over your scalp, “could i brush it?”

“Are you sure you don’t mind it?” You opened your eyes and tilted your head back to look at him. Nothing sounded more euphoric.

Having the man you loved brush through your hair so gently as you relaxed in a soothing bubble bath that he drew for you. What did you ever do to deserve someone so giving, so caring, so loving?

“Not at all love,” He smiled down to you and pressed his lips to your forehead, “you lay there and close your eyes, all i want from you is to let yourself relax.”

You nodded and did as he said, settling yourself back into the bathtub, your eyes gently closing once more. You listened to the noises around you, the drawer opening in the sink vanity and the brushes combs being placed onto the counter, the stool that sat in the corner being dragged behind you for Ralph to sit on as he brushed. You adjusted your body in the tub, getting into a more comfortable position before the feeling of Ralph’s hand gently lifting up your head and placing something soft and fuzzy beneath it. A towel to keep your neck comfortable and cushioned.

Ralph grabbed a few brushes and combs from the counter, placing them on his lap as he smiled and sat behind you, the wide tooth comb in his hand carefully brushing through the ends of your hair and moving upwards onto your scalp. His hand raking through your hair afterwards just to make sure he hadn’t missed a spot.

You let out a soft and sweet moan, unable to hold back from the serenity that Ralph was bringing you. He had always loved seeing you in such a relaxed state, especially when he was the one who caused it. Such a sweet boy.

Ralph had leaned forward and planted a gentle kiss to your forehead, picking up a comb and carefully running it over your scalp, getting the teeny tiny knots and tangles he had missed with the larger brush. He was being so gentle and so slow, taking his time to make sure that your hair was as soft as ever.

“I’m going to go and unpack your suitcase darling, is there anything i can get you?” Ralph placed the comb back onto the counter with the rest as he stood from the chair and knelt at your side.

“No Ralphie, i’m alright.” You said to him with a smile, opening your eyes slightly to see him knelling there next to you, his hand moving into your hair to gently pet it as you laid in the bathtub.

All you wanted was him.

“Ralphie?” You asked him.

“Yes my love?”

You looked up to him and he could see the little bit of hesitation in your eyes,

“It’s alright darling,” Ralph moved his hand from your hair and carefully picked up your hand as it rested on the side of the tub, so soft and warm from when it had first touched the water, “anything you need, all you have to do is ask.”

“Would you…” You took a slow breath, “Would you join me when you’re done?”

Ralph smiled, the adorable pink flush on his cheeks was enough to give you your answer,

“Of course darling, i wouldn’t have it any other way.” He leaned forward and kissed your forehead before standing at the edge of the tub, letting your hand slowly fall from his, “I’ll be back in just a moment.”

You watched as Ralph left the bathroom, softly closing the door behind him. You took a slow, deep breath, just taking in everything around you.

The warm water cascading over your skin each time you had to readjust and get comfortable, the soothing aromas of the bath salts and the calming lavender from the body wash, the gentle light from the candles on the vanity. You had noticed that he had even left the combs out on the counter, no doubt to brush your hair again once you were done with your bath. Ralph had given you countless nights where he would pamper you, relaxing you after a long day and doing any task that your heart desires. When he did things like this on his own, doing absolutely everything without you even having to ask, made you feel like your relationship was finally getting to a point of comfort. Where you could be intimate and close to one another without having to get dirty. The thought of it made you sigh with want, needing nothing more in your life than the man you loved so dearly because you knew he would always love you back.

The bathroom door creaked and you looked over your shoulder to see Ralph closing the door, wearing his bathrobe. He smiled to you as he reached for the little knot at the front and pulled it, letting the fabric drape down his body as he shrugged it off his shoulders. He never thought he looked like much when he was naked but yo you he always looked ethereal. No other man was like him.

“Where do you want me darling?”

You moved your body forward in the water, giving him room to slip in behind you,

“Behind me? I just want to be held…”

Ralph stepped away from the pooled fabric of the bathrobe and carefully stepped into the water, easing himself in behind you, his legs on either side of your body as his back rested against the tub. He opened his arms and placed them on the sides of the tub, allowing you to make yourself comfortable in whatever position you had wanted most.

You carefully crept towards him, laying your head against his shoulder as your hand went over his heart, feeling the soft beating under his chest. You felt his hands place themselves at your sides, carefully caressing the skin beneath them as he held you.

“Like this my love?” He asked you, a quick kiss being placed to the top of your head.

You couldn’t make out any words, only slowly nodding your head at his shoulder as he held you.

The room was quiet. Only the sounds of the water lightly splashing around as Ralph moved his hands slowly along your body, admiring every curve on your body. He had rested his head atop yours, letting out a deep exhale. He needed this relaxation too.

“Ralphie, did you happen to catch the time before you came back in?”

“No darling, but i know by this point it’s well after dark. Do you want to get out?”

“Maybe in a moment…” You tilted your head up to catch a glimpse of him in such a relaxed state. You had always been able to decompress after a long day together, usually in the living room near the fireplace, a book in your hand and Ralph’s head was resting in your lap for you to pet.

“I just want to enjoy this…”

You laid you head back onto his chest and he held it there so tenderly, his wet fingers carefully petting through your hair.

“I do too my love.” He kissed the top of your head, “I do too…”

Whenever it came to love and affection, Ralph could never be matched by anyone else. He was so happy that he finally had you, someone to give all of his attention and adoration to. And when he was with you like this, holding you in his arms, the warm water surrounding your bodies and the sweet soothing aroma of the bubbles. It was enough to make him melt.

Oh, how he adored being this intimate with you.

[josephqxeddiem]

Ralph vs Joseph

[el-dibidibidorado1]

I'm having a bit of writer's block. Can y'all give me ideas?

[emmywrites-blog]

send me some asks! i want to do some blurbs while finishing part three of my peter parker fic so please send some in!

[stinkysam]

MASTERLIST TV SHOWS / MOVIES (a->z)

••••••••• •••••••••

–AGENTS OF S.H.I.E.L.D

Deke Shaw

Past, Present, Future - (fluff/nsfw)

Patience is a man’s best virtue - (fluff)

On Monday - (fluff)

Bed sharing - (fluff)

But if you had told me, I would've told you - (fluff)

••••••••• •••••••••

–ALICE IN BORDERLAND

I will not write for Niragi.

Chishiya Shuntarō

Random headcanons - (fluff)

••••••••• •••••••••

–DOOM PATROL

Larry Trainor

No, I don’t wanna talk about it - (fluff)

••••••••• •••••••••

–ONE PIECE LIVE ACTION

Buggy the Clown

Five more minutes - (fluff)

So no head ? - (smut) - pt.1

Repaid in kind - (smut) - pt.2

You can slice me, you can dice me... - (fluff)

Pretty please ? - (fluff)

Seastone cuffs - (smut)

Give me your dick - (smut)

Meet my ex - (angst) - pt.1

Head keeper - (angst) - pt.2

Flashy flashy ! - (fluff)

Uh-oh - (fluff)

Me ! Me ! Me ! - (fluff)

This is you - (fluff)

Am I me ? - (fluff)

Your move - (angst)

Buggy the sugar baby - (fluff) - pt.1

It's getting expensive - (fluff) - pt.2

Furnace - (fluff)

I don't feel it anymore - (angst)

Who's got it bigger ? - (fluff)

Twitch streamer - (fluff) - pt.1

Game con - (fluff) - pt.2

So handsome - (fluff)

I'll haunt you - (fluff)

My marine bf - (fluff)

Cabaji

Honk honk - (fluff)

Monkey D. Luffy

Always together - (fluff) - pt.1

Glue - (smut) - pt.2

Is it a monster ? - (fluff) - pt.3

Dancer - (fluff)

For staying alive - (angst)

Captain - (fluff)

Fish - (fluff)

When are they gonna kiss - (fluff) - pt.1

Oh, they more than kissed - (smut) - pt.2

Maybe the paradise is the friends we made along the way - (fluff)

Cook - (smut)

You'll have to cut my arms - (fluff)

Look - (fluff)

Roronoa zoro

I don’t need saving - (fluff)

Well, this is awkward - (angst)

Fucking idiot - (fluff)

Different - (fluff)

Dinner - (fluff) - pt.1

Eat me - (smut) - pt.2

Stronger - (fluff)

Vinsmoke Sanji

Oh boy - (fluff) - pt.1

A date ?! - (fluff) - pt.2

Confettis - (fluff)

Me ? - (fluff)

Princes - (fluff)

I'll peel every tangerine for you - (fluff)

Twitch streamer - (fluff)

Bonus

How they take it - (smut)

••••••••• •••••••••

–SPIDER-MAN (TOM HOLLAND)

Peter Parker

Next time I’ll answer for you - (smut)

Unlucky days are not so bad - (smut)

No one would know - (smut)

Moon - (smut)

Can I hold your hand ? - (fluff)

Ever heard of privacy? - (fluff)

My son !? - (smut)

••••••••• •••••••••

–STRANGER THINGS

Eddie Munson

1985 - (fluff)

In your arms - (fluff)

Summer of 85 - (fluff) - pt.1

Man crush - (fluff) - pt.2

••••••••• •••••••••

–THE AMAZING SPIDERMAN (ANDREW GARFIELD)

Peter Parker

Some people are gay, Steven - (fluff)

There’s no happy ending possible - (angst)

I wanna thank myself for always having my back - (fluff)

Hit “send” - (fluff)

The suit stays on - (smut)

First time - (smut)

Did you know I love lizards - (fluff) - pt.1

Man, I love lizards - (fluff) - pt.2

Closed door - (smut)

Blind - (angst)

I wasn't here - (angst) - pt.1

I never lost hope - (fluff) - pt.2

All about the angle - (fluff)

••••••••• •••••••••

–TIMEWASTERS

Ralph

The dance - (angst)

Secrecy - (fluff)

••••••••• •••••••••

–UNDER THE SILVER LAKE

Sam

Is it a good idea ? Depends. - (fluff)

Helping hand - (smut)

••••••••• •••••••••

–VENOM

I will not write nsfw for any of them.

Eddie Brock (+ Venom)

This is killing me - (fluff)

Spider on thin fuckin’ ice - (crack)

Two losers are worth more than one - (fluff)

Alien - (fluff) - pt.1

The second beer - (fluff) - pt.2

Salt lamp - (fluff)

Pinky promise - (fluff)

••••••••• •••••••••

[babybluebex]

𝐣𝐨𝐬𝐞𝐩𝐡 𝐪𝐮𝐢𝐧𝐧 (𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬) 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭

༻ ralph penbury (timewasters, 2017)

wizard: at ralph’s birthday party, you feel the need to apologize for what you’ve done. ralph, meanwhile, has a question to ask you. (fluff)

making waves: before a party, you do ralph's hair. (fluff)

marking ralph's cheeks with lipstick (fluff)

punishing ralphie for misbehaving (smut)

coked up ralphie fucks your ass (smut)

༻ jamie sampson (kin, 2017)

jamie tells you about harry (angst)

༻ koner (game of thrones, 2017)

only you series masterlist (koner x fem!reader): your secret relationship with a winterfell guard is threatened when your father marries you off to another man, and you do everything you can to stay with him and keep your love strong. (retired)

༻ peter grunauer (overlord, 2018)

reuniting after peter goes to war (angst)

sweet awkward reunion sex (smut)

༻ enjolras (bbc les miserables, 2018)

don't call it love: your latin tutor is one of those revolutionaries that your father despises and, after he invites you to a citizen’s meeting, his true intentions are revealed.(angst)

༻ prince paul (catherine the great, 2019)

out of the dark: marrying the prince of russia would be dream if he wasn’t such a dick, but a late night conversation leads to a mutual understanding. (smut)

paul yells at you (angst)

paul punishes you for flirting with someone else (smut)

༻ tom grant (make up, 2019)

5 minutes in heaven: your boyfriend finds an empty closet at work, and he convinces you to play a game of 7 (or 5) minutes in heaven. (smut)

stupid for you: you and tom get into a fight and, after he says something especially nasty to you, he makes it up to you in the best way. (smut)

boyfriend!tom headcanons (fluff)

teaching tom how to go down on you (smut)

tom convinces you to try anal (smut)

tom takes care of you when you're sick (fluff)

making you smile after a hard day (fluff)

cuddling with tom (fluff)

༻ pub!charlie (best move along, 2019)

pub!charlie headcanons(fluff)

nsfw pub!charlie headcanons(smut)

༻ billy knight (cb strike, 2020)

breeding kink (smut)

handjobs (smut)

camilla (fluff)

༻ eric (a quiet place: day one, 2024)

a medium place: your husband, eric, spends too much time at the office, and he assures you that you’re a priority in his life. (smut)

[rehfan]

Chapter 4 is here!

The Hat Shop Girl

Inexperienced!Ralph X Fem!Reader/AFAB!Reader

Fandom: Timewasters; Joseph Quinn

Summary: You were working as a clerk in a hat shop when Ralph Penbury walked into your life. Nothing was ever the same.

Tags: meet-cute, eventual smut, slow build, angst with a happy ending, class differences, fantasizing, implied/referenced drug use, non-consensual touching, sexual inexperience, first kiss, kissing, first French kiss, neck kissing, sexual education, angst, emotional hurt, vaginal fingering, nipple play, vaginal sex, first time, blow jobs, cream pie, fluff and smut

Warnings: 18+ and over only please. Eventual smutty smut - NOT for children! Non-consensual touching, implied/referenced drug use.

THIS IS THE CHAPTER WITH THE NON-CON TOUCHING - PLEASE BE AWARE.

Read all four chapters on AO3 HERE

Chapter 1 - Chapter 2 - Chapter 3 - Chapter 4 - Chapter 5 - Chapter 6 - Chapter 7 - Chapter 8 - Chapter 9

******************************

CHAPTER 4: The Snowball Party

The Hollingsworth family had always thrown an end-of-the-season soirée but it had nothing on the Penbury twins. Screaming laughter, wild dancing of all kinds, loud jazz, and booze of every description were everywhere. You had come downstairs in the blue gown that Ralph had picked out for you. It dripped with fringe to your knees and caressed your shoulders with the same. The silk stockings fresh out of the packaging lay creamy against your skin. Your complimentary silver shoes pinched a bit at the toe, but you ignored it in favor of the view in front of you.

The first guests were arriving, a cavalcade of youth and exuberance that fairly poured out of various beautiful automobiles, through the reception hall, past the grand staircase where you had stood, along into the anteroom, and deposited themselves at the various tables until there was barely any space to breathe. There was food, but only nibbles. Everyone’s entrée seemed to be alcohol.

Champagne was the queen of the ball, followed by gin, whiskey, various wines, and brandy. Then there were the second cousins: vodka, rye, and someone brought a rum all the way from Jamaica.

You sipped on your single flute of bubbly, not wanting to lose your senses before you had a chance to speak to the Selfridges manager. Ralph had said his name was Miller. He worked just under Mr. Selfridge himself. The more you thought about it, the more nervous you got. The more nervous you got, the more you wanted the bubbly. But you’d settle for one Lord Ralph Penbury. His lovely dark eyes and bright smile would calm you and buck up your courage. Trouble was. you couldn’t spot him anywhere.

But of course, you could barely find yourself in that room. You had been jostled twice as you moved about the room by two different people in as many minutes, one a tiresome looking man who acted as though you were the problem when he had stepped backward into you in order to show his friends how he performed his version of the turkey trot. The other was a girl who quickly apologized - which was a nice change - as she vacated the toilet just off the anteroom, wiping at her nose indelicately. A terrible night to come down with a cold, you thought.

You thought perhaps he was choosing to come down fashionably late. But what was fashionable? Ten minutes? Thirty? An hour had gone by and Ralph still wasn’t to be seen. Victoria had joined the party since the beginning, arriving down the stairs with a scream and a squeal at a few of her best buddies who greeted her with the same alacrity. She was hard to ignore in the hour since. She was holding court, her admirers and friends surrounding her where she sat on some man’s lap. Spotting you, she waved you over and introduced you as “Ralph’s hat shop girl”.

“We made her over, of course,” she added, “Couldn’t have her gadding about in the drippy clothes she had.” Everyone nodded in sage agreement at the wise decision. “She does clean up rather well, doesn’t she?”

“You’re a regular Pygmalion,” said the man whose lap she was occupying. “Or is that Svengali?”

“Oh no, that’s definitely my brother. Positively dottie about the girl.” Following everyone’s chuckle, and almost as an afterthought, she handed you her empty glass and asked you to get her another ‘what’s-it’ from the barman. “Just tell him: same again, won’t you dear?”

“Where is Ralph, Victoria?”

“What? Oh who knows?” she waved you off, laughing, “I never know where my silly brother gets to. Have you checked the gardens outside? I think he wandered out that way when I last spoke to him. He wasn’t best pleased with me. Although I wasn’t best pleased with him in that ridiculous waistcoat he’s wearing. He called it romantic. I called it an eyesore.” She turned to her hangers-on and quipped: “Perhaps he’s decided to drown himself in moonlight?” The round of laughter that followed informed you of everyone’s general opinion of him. It made your blood boil.

“He is good for one thing though,” one woman commented, before you wandered away, leaving Victoria’s empty glass on one of the other tables. “He’s good for powdering my nose.”

Everyone laughed at that too. You didn’t understand the joke, only the cruelty.

It seemed a silly suggestion of Victoria’s but you had searched everywhere else. You left the cluster of self-indulgent people and stepped out into the chilly early fall air. There was little breeze and the air was crisp. The scent of decaying leaves was in the air and it made you long for the fireplace in your room. There were certain folks who had come out onto the grand back porch into the moonlight, falling together, pulling apart, leaning over each other, touching and laughing softly, their conversations lost to the night.

You came around the side of the house that led to the gardens you strolled through earlier that day. The fountain and bird feeder were still barren, but no less picturesque. A still figure sat on a bench near the fountain. Ralph.

“Where have you been?” you asked, hurrying to his side. “I’ve been looking everywhere for you.”

When you first spied him, his face held that same far away look he had in the car ride up, but upon hearing your voice and seeing your face, his smile returned. It was not as radiant as before, but it was still there. You stood before him, your question hanging between you.

“I’ve been right here,” he said. “Victoria… she…”

“What did she say, Ralph?” you asked, bracing for the words you already knew had been leveled at him.

“She didn’t want me wearing my favorite waistcoat. She hates it. Says it gives people the wrong impression of me.”

His hand brushed the material, embroidery styled in the pattern of peacock feathers. You thought it resplendent. And perfectly Ralph.

“And what impression is that? That you’re a joyous person? That you’re fancy-free? That you like a good time? Because that’s what I see.”

He beamed at you. “Do you really think it suits?”

“Of course! You look splendid, a real corker of a fellow. Now come on. I want you to teach me how to do the turkey trot.”

He leapt to his feet and gave you a small bow. “My pleasure, my queen.” He held out his hands. “Shall we?”

“Out here?”

“Why not? Perfect for a lesson. Plenty of room. And we can still hear the music.”

You had to admit, his reasoning was sound. “And if I tread on your toes, there’s no one else to see. You’ll forgive me? I’ve never been a good dancer.”

“No worry,” he said with a laugh. “I’m a wonderful dancer. And as for treading on my feet, well, I think I’m made of tougher stuff than that.”

Said the boy who was ridiculed about his waistcoat and sat for an hour in the cold feeling sorry for himself, you thought. Ralph Penbury, you are a tragic figure, aren’t you?

But he had been right: he was a marvelous dancer. And an excellent teacher. Gentle yet solid under your hands, you relished the feel of him. His cologne had a note of spice, mixed with the French milled soap that was made available to all in the house. His eyes held delight when you got the steps right, encouraging you to do better and better with each repetition. After roughly four songs, you felt much more confident and suggested that you two both head inside. “After all, Ralph, despite the calisthenics, I am a bit cold.” His eyes went wide and you found yourself being escorted inside promptly, Ralph’s black evening jacket around your shoulders.

One of his hands was at the small of your back, his other was holding yours. It had been too long since you had been touched like that. It made you dizzy. Your eyes never left his face as he walked you across the porch and inside.

“By the by, meant to say: you look stunning this evening,” he whispered to you, just as you crossed the threshold. And when he followed it with your name, the look that came into his doe eyes was breathtaking. He kissed your hand gently, a bare brush of his lips against your knuckles, but your skin retained the feel of the heat of him and you felt your knees buckle and your panties moisten.

“T-thank you,” you said. You felt yourself blush. “D’you know, I’ve just noticed that our outfits almost match in color. And I do love this dress on me. You were right about the blue, it seems.”

“Yes,” he beamed, “I was, wasn’t I?”

The energy in the room had gone up a few notches, the frenzy of music was at a fever-pitch with people crowding the small dance floor and spilling in between the tables. Two women zoomed past you and Ralph, nearly tipping you over if Ralph hadn’t caught you. Lord, he was surprisingly strong.

“Alright?” he asked you, cradling you from behind and holding your elbows. His breath brushed the shell of your ear and you swallowed hard and forced a smile as you got your feet back under you.

“I think I’m too sober for this party,” you joked.

Ralph let loose with a delighted laugh. “That’s easily remedied. Shall I get you something? Champagne? Gin? Cocaine?”

“Cocaine?” you asked, genuinely shocked. The Hollingsworths would have never-

“Oh yes,” he said. “There’s plenty. I made sure the man gave me extra-“

“You bought it?”

“Usually my only job at these things,” he said. “It terrifies me no end, of course, but better me making the arrangements than my sister.”

“Oh.” You had no idea what to make of that. You only knew that you didn’t like it. Not any part of it. You instantly imagined Ralph knowing dangerous people in dangerous places hired to purchase a dangerous illegal substance in enough quantity to make this crowd happy? It was unthinkable. You didn’t mean to be prudish or a wet blanket, but you certainly weren’t that kind of girl. It was horrifying.

Before you could recover, and before Ralph could explain further, his mouth open and about to utter another word to you, the man who had stumbled into you while demonstrating the turkey trot to his friends came busting between you. “Penbury, old man! Someone’s been holding all the snow at this ball hostage. Just wondering if you had any more- Well! Who’s this little sheba?” You could hardly credit it, but it seemed that he was more drunk than when you first saw him.

“Oh! Miller! Just the man!” cried Ralph. “Come out here and let’s discuss something.” To you he said, “Come along. This is the Selfridges man I was telling you about.” He escorted you both back out to the porch, all the way at the other end where you could at least hear each other speak.

Your head spun as you put two and two together. Snowball party. Snow. Cocaine. Of course. You inwardly cringed. This horrid man who was supposed to get you your next job was clearly spifflicated and seeking cocaine. This is not who you expected to meet and your stomach twisted.

Ralph, ignorant of your inward crisis, happily introduced you to Mr. Randall Miller, floor manager at Selfridges, London, and explained quickly about your employment situation. He then left you with a wink and said he would seek out the extra supply and be right back leaving you alone with the repellant Mr. Miller. For his part, Miller managed to leer at you, grinning drunkenly, his eyes sweeping up and down your body in a way that made you want to take a hot shower with some steel wool. “So, you want to work at Selfridges?”

“Uh- Y-yes, sir,” you said. “Most of my practical experience is in tending to customers directly, but I hope to one day design clothes. I’m especially interested in men’s and women’s haberdashery.”

“Tending to customers directly, eh?” he repeated, a tone of mockery in his voice. He hooked a finger under the glitzy shoulder fringe of the light blue gown you were wearing and asked, “Did you design this?”

“Sadly, no,” you said, gently bending away from his touch. “But I was thinking of a hair band design that would complement it nicely.” You wore a plain one tonight, simple and silver.

“I like the one you’ve got,” he said, stepping closer, presumably to inspect the band in your hair, but his hand found your waist.

You stepped back and re-directed his attention. “Do you think they will hire me on? I can type up a list of references should it be required.” He stepped even closer as you spoke until you backed right into the large concrete railing surrounding the edge of the porch.

“The truth?”

“Yes. Please,” you said, swallowing hard and looking frantically about for Ralph’s return.

“Well,” he said, leaning so close to you that you could feel and smell his breath, the tang of gin unmistakable. His hand snaked around your waist once more and you froze. “I think that a beautiful thing like you would have all the chances in the world.”

“I think that a person should be judged on competency for honest work, not outside looks, Mr. Miller. If you can put in a good word, I would be grateful. I will take care of the rest in any interview they offer.” You attempted to twist your body away from him, but he pressed you further against the railing, placing a leg between yours and bracing you on either side with his hands. “Sir, I -uh. Please… can we go inside now? I’m rather chilly.”

“I can warm you up,” he said. “If you’ll let me.”

“I’m not interested in that. I only wanted a job. Please leave me alone otherwise.”

He laughed at this. “Oh? I can employ you. Same way Ralphie has.”

“What?”

“Oh come off it. No woman willingly spends time with that twat. You’re a rented chippy looking to make good? Looking to ‘better’ herself? Ha! As if that’s possible. I mean, good on you for trying, but let me level with you, love. It ain’t gonna happen.”

Shocked, you had no words. Sputtering was all you could manage at first. “I- am NO- NO such thing!” You shoved at him with your forearms, not wanting to soil yourself by touching him with your hands. He laughed at your efforts. “You are the worst sort of- You cad! You horrid horrible man! I- would- I would NEVER! You cruel- terrible- hateful- drunken-!” You managed to take a breath as he stood up and away from you, amusement painting his face. “You think me a- a- prostitute? You think I sell my body? That I am one of those- women? How could- How? You disgusting-!”

There was nothing else for you to do but to slap him. So you did. The sting against your palm was worth the look on his face.

“What in the world is going on here?” Ralph came hurrying up, panicked and breathless. He looked from you to Miller and back again.

“Your lady friend here is a firecracker. But be warned, Penbury. She’s either a gatecrasher or a gold digger. Wouldn’t keep her more than the one night if I were you.”

“So you won’t put in a word for her at Selfridges?” Ralph asked, completely flummoxed.

“That bearcat? I wouldn’t even if I could,” he replied rubbing his cheek.

You perked up: “If you could? You mean you can’t?”

He huffed a laugh as he walked off. “Got the sack, didn’t I? Three weeks back.” He shrugged at Ralph. “Sorry, old man. Hope you get your money’s worth out of the slapper.”

The two of you stared at the back of the man’s head as he disappeared into the house. Tears stung your eyes and you gasped for breath. You had never been so insulted all your born days. Instantly, Ralph was at your side. “Are you alright?” You gave him a look. “Of course you’re not. Stupid, stupid Ralph. I am so so sorry. Please forgive me. I had no idea he was a-“

“A bounder? A snake in the grass? A louse?” you supplied. “Ralph, he thought I was a prostitute.”

“No! Clearly, he’s in the wrong! How could he-? How could anyone-?” Ralph objected. He seemed more insulted than you were. “I shall have a word with our staff and have him bodily removed. This will not stand. Not in my own home.” He offered his handkerchief and you wiped your nose and dabbed at your eyes. “Oh, but I shouldn’t abandon you when you’re upset, should I?”

You were inconsolable for a few minutes before recovering yourself. Ralph sat on the railing beside you and rubbed soothing circles along your back until you were able to speak again. You wiped your tears and your nose and managed: “I’ll be honest with you, Ralph: I’d be more upset knowing he was around than being out here on my own wetting your handkerchief with my tears.” You looked in his eyes pleading, “Please get rid of him. He’s the worst person.”

Ralph stood tall. “Consider it done, your majesty.” He made a deep bow and vanished inside the house at a full run. Inside moments, there was shouting and protesting followed by the sound of booing and hissing and then applause. The music, which had died down in the fracas, picked back up again, a jazz tune that was quite popular on the wireless.

Ralph came back to you, not a hair out of place. “Let it never be said that a Penbury man couldn’t get the job done when he had to.” He was very pleased with himself; you could tell from the way he puffed out his chest, the peacock waistcoat shining in the moonlight.

You stood and held your arms up to him. He stepped closer. “Are we dancing again?” he asked.

You embraced him, his jacket falling from your shoulders. He reached behind you to catch it just as you were wrapping your arms around his neck. You felt him go rigid for a split second. You pulled back. “Sorry. I’m just grateful. I didn’t mean to be inappropriate.”

His hands brought his dinner jacket back around your shoulders and then guided your arms down gently. “Not at all, my dear. I completely understand, but really you should be very angry with me. I led you to believe I could get you a new position. Now it seems I can’t. I’m so sorry. I’ll make it up to you somehow. I’ll find a way to fix this.”

He was so sweet you wanted to cry - again. “Never mind that, Ralph. Come on. I need a drink.”

“Oh! Well, I think I can assist you there!” he said and held his arm out for you to take.

************************

MASTERLIST LINK

Tagged readers: @h-ness1944 / @eddie-is-a-god / emma77645 / @hahahafucku / @paranoidmunson / @honey-eyed-munson / @mystars123 / @bl4ckt00thgr1n / @live-love-be-unique / @ becca-alexa / @aysheashea / @bohemianrhapsody86 / @luvrsbian / @etherealglimmer / @ladybug0095

[sherifftillman]

busy streets and busy lives • ralph penbury x reader

A strange day at work gets even stranger when you meet a man who claims he's from 1926. With no certainty as to when he can get back, you decide to take him in until that time arrives.

masterlist | prev. | next

Tags: Timewasters (series), modern!au, slow burn, mutual pining, idiots in love™, fluff, some angst, swearing and mentions of adult themes throughout, eventual adult content, alcohol content, penbury is a fanon surname

Word count: 4.2k

A/N: Aaaaaand THIS is where the real good stuff starts! Sorry for all the other posts, just had to start getting the ball rolling. I am aware that since this is taking place in modern London, there may well be slang used that people don't necessarily recognise. If you'd like me to make a glossary of some kind, hit me up!! I hope you enjoy Ralph In The Future as much as I do <3

"Bet it feels strange being behind here again, doesn't it?" the customer asks you. It's an older woman, you don't particularly recognise her, but she certainly seems to know you well enough to know you've been promoted since you first started working here.

You force a smile, "Not really! Sometimes the floor just needs an extra pair of hands, and it helps me know what's working and what isn't for my staff and my customers, so," you shrug.

"Yeah, I don't envy you, still working at a time when nobody wants to work," she shakes her head.

You press your lips together tightly. There are so many arguments you could make right now, but already trying to juggle two roles is taxing enough. Instead you simply tell the woman her total and ring her through. Once again adorning your best customer service smile, you thank her for her custom and send her on her way.

"D'you think she's ever worked a customer service job in her life?" Your shop floor assistant asks as they re-fold their display shirts.

You shake your head, "I think… Cushty little secretary job at her dad's business, at first. Never had to pay rent, got married to the first guy at that job to pay her attention, got a council house nice and early and spawned a couple of kids just to stop him from walking."

They let out a wide-eyed, long-drawn breath, "Daaamn, someone woke up on the salty side of the bed this morning!"

You chuckle humourlessly, "That doesn't even make sense. And yeah, sorry, it just… Really sucks that I've got major shit to do this week, but I can't just let you do all the work out here on your own, not with Karens like that around."

"Can't you get your friend to come down and cover? Or to do your manager shit on their next shift?" 

"Nah, it's gotta be me. And they can't come in today because of their other job, so I'm gonna do it as overtime," you explain dejectedly.

"You're doing great, champ!" they sidle up to you to gently punch you in the shoulder encouragingly.

"Hey now, kiddo, I'm the manager here, I need to be motivating you!"

"Nah, you're sales right now. You're just as good as the rest of us common muck," they tease, and you stick your tongue out at them.

The day drags, and the quality of customers certainly doesn’t improve. A man who thinks he can return an item without a receipt. A woman who insists on ordering an item that’s no longer available because she saw a friend wearing it just last week. Children. 

And sure, maybe now, at 5:40pm, the customer of your dreams could walk in through the front door. But you and your coworker are exhausted, and this is the kind of shit you always wanted to become a manager to do. Taking one last look up and down the almost empty high street, save for the ones who are heading to the Wetherspoons on the corner, you decide to start the closing process early.

You manage to finish a little after 6pm, and you consider just getting all of your admin stuff done while you’re here, but also, you really can’t stand the sight of these four walls much longer. You figure you’ll just go to the coffee shop nearby, get yourself an iced latte for the walk home and think about what kind of takeaway you’ll be craving once you get back to your flat. No cooking. Not tonight.

You’re well into a mental debate about whether you’d rather have a chow mein or a biryani when something else piques your interest. There’s a man in front of you in some kind of costume. It’s either really old-school military, or… Safari explorer. Maybe he’s one of those live re-enactors. Maybe he works at the zoo. Maybe he’s just one of those quirked-up little guys. You get your phone out to text your friends, ready to ask them if they’ve seen anyone dressed similarly before, but as you continue walking you collide with something.

Someone. Your flimsy plastic cup gets crushed immediately upon the impact, pouring ice cold coffee down the strangely-dressed man’s back. Your first instinct is to shout, “Watch it!”

The man jumps out of his skin, either at your words or the ice cubes soaking his back. He spins around to look at you like a deer in headlights. Eyes like giant chocolate buttons stare you down. If he’s supposed to be dressed as an Army boy, he does not have the face to convince me, you think. Unless the message they’re sending is that literally anyone could get drafted.

“You alright?” you ask, eyes narrowing and head cocking as you study him.

“Ah - um - oh, I’m sorry! I’m so sorry! This was absolutely my fault, I’m just - I’m so lost, and I was trying to find a man and now he’s gone and - oh, blast, stupid Ralph, you’ve really gone and done it now!” the man flusters, looking in every direction except at you.

You whistle and click your fingers at his eye level. “Hey, Bambi! Focus. It’s okay.”

He moves his head back to scrunch his face at you in confusion. “Bambi?”

You smirk, “Yeah, you’re like a baby deer right now. You said you’re lost? Where’re you trying to get to?”

“Uh, well, I suppose I should try and find my home, um… Penbury House?” he asks tentatively.

You kiss your teeth a few times as you think of where you’ve heard that name before. “Oh!” You look at him, puzzled. “You sure that’s your house?”

“Well, my name is Ralph Penbury, so…” he wiggles his shoulders from side to side before shrugging. You appreciate the extra flair.

“Right, but Penbury House is the name of the place they turned into a Waterstone’s,” you explain. He looks lost again, so you explain, “Waterstone’s is a bookstore.”

Ralph scoffs, “Oh, pish-posh, my home has not become a bookstore! That would be quite preposterous!”

So far your entire interaction with this strange man has been a tennis match of bewilderment, just exchanging expressions back and forth. “Are you, like… On something, mate? Do you need me to get you somewhere safe?”

“I want to go home, please! And not a… Bookstore, my real, actual home!” He’s starting to sound quite overwhelmed now, so you take a step back.

“Okay, okay. It’s okay. We can calm down. You mentioned looking for a man? Do you know this man?”

“Well, not personally, but I travelled here with him. About yea tall,” he holds his hand just in line with his eyebrows, “very old. Silent man. Hair just past his ears. Looks, um. Unwashed.”

Your eyebrows raise in realisation. “Ah, Homeless Pete!” Makes sense that Pete and his crew would be involved somehow. “Shall we go and find him?”

“Do you know where he is?!” Ralph asks, his expression lighting up. He may be dressed like an absolute twat, but you can’t deny his adorable little puppy-dog face.

“I know where he hangs out, we can go see if he’s there?” you ask, and Ralph nods. “C’mon,” you jerk your head in the direction towards where you know Homeless Pete tends to hang out when he’s not walking the streets. You wonder what ol’ H.P. (as your friends call him) could have given his poor boy to make him trip like this. “So, uh, quick question. Sorry, I completely forgot. What’s the full date today?”

“Well, the last I checked, it was September the 7th, 1926,” he replies simply. You stop in your tracks, and he looks back at you with a frown. “What’s the matter?”

“N-nothing, nothing,” you shake your head and carry on walking. This poor boy must be on something pretty damn strong. “Let’s get you to H.P, yeah?” Just to find out what he’s taken. Then it’s straight to the hospital.

Ralph inhales so loudly that a guttural sound forms in his throat. “Oh my goodness! Do you think - am I in - the future?” He grips your arm tightly. “Was the lift a time machine, perhaps?”

“Maybe,” you tap his hand lightly with your own as you keep walking with him, "considering that it's September the 7th, 2022." Normally, you would be throwing any stranger that hugged your arm like Ralph now is to the ground, but there’s just something about him. Either he plays the innocent human puppy role far better than any indie boy that’s ever tried to hit on you on a night out, or he really is just going through it.

You eventually reach the underpass where a large part of the local homeless population gather, and sure enough, there is Pete himself, sat between two shopping trolleys. He spots the two of you and immediately bursts into laughter. “What the fuck, H.P?!” you yell. “You’re usually chill, what have you done to this poor boy?!”

“‘M not a boy, I’m a grown man, thank you,” Ralph mutters into your shoulder.

“‘Course you are, babe,” you murmur sarcastically as you nod at him, before once again turning to Pete. “Well?! You’ve got him talking about - about time machines, and the 1920s, I mean, just look at how the poor sod’s dressed!” Pete’s eyes widen as he waggles his finger at you, as though you’re both in a game of charades and you’re on the right track. You turn to one of the people Pete lives amongst, “What’s he been on today?”

The other person shakes their head. “Nothing, swear down! Besides, he’s a proper tight-arse, he wouldn’t go ‘round drugging any fucker going. ‘Specially not a toff like that,” they snort with laughter as they point to Ralph.

You look back to Homeless Pete. “So, you’re telling me. Time travel is fucking real.” Pete nods. “And you were in 1926, and you dragged this sad sack of shit out here with you, with no context.”

“You know I can hear you,” Ralph points out indignantly, but still quietly and still from the safety of behind your shoulder. His arms are still wrapped around yours, too.

“Yeah, but look at you, mate. You’re not exactly getting us answers as to how to get you back to… Wherever we get you back to,” you explain before once again turning to Pete. “Where is this… Time machine? Ralph said something about a lift.” Pete snarls as he gestures over to a block of flats you vaguely recognise. “So we go there, get him back in the lift, and then what? Is there a button, or a combination, or -?” Pete moves his hand from side to side. “And what does that mean, is it a random button each time?” Again, it feels like you’re in a game of charades as he silently tells you you’re on the right track. “Is the random part right?” Nod. “So, it’s not about the button, but… The floor you get on?” A shake of the head. “Is it just at random times?” Nod. “So, how do you know when to go back to it?” He shrugs, then points to his temple. “What, you get some kind of vibe, some Spidey sense?” He nods with an upside down smile. You sigh. “So we don’t know when Ralph here can get back.” A shake of the head.

“Do I have to stay here with him, then?” Ralph asks you sadly.

You sigh again. “No, c’mon. I guess you won’t want Chinese or Indian, we’ll just get a chippy dinner on the way home.” You start walking in the other direction, and Ralph quickly paces to catch up with you.

“A chippy dinner?” he asks, baffled.

“Yeah! Like fish and chips? They had that in the 20s, surely?” you reply.

“Well, yes, I suppose, but we only ever had it at the seaside,” he cocks his head as though reminiscing fondly. It only accentuates the cuteness of his whole face.

“Think you can be a big boy again now, or do you still wanna hold on?” you ask, outstretching your arm. He doesn’t appear to blush in the conventional sense, but his ears do flush a bright pink. Even more adorable. Fuck. Remember, he’s technically like a hundred years older than you. He slinks one arm around yours and you pull him in tightly by pressing your own arms towards your torso. “There we go. Now I can make sure I’m guiding you so that hopefully you don’t get bumped into anymore.”

“I think I’ve certainly learned my lesson in not standing still in front of people!” Ralph jokes, making you genuinely laugh for the first time all day. It feels strange, you can feel every muscle in your face move with it. But you also feel the weight on your chest lifting, too. You’d been at boiling point all day at work, and discovering a time-traveller wasn’t exactly helping you to simmer down. But you can make this work. He’s just an… Eccentric, extremely sheltered family friend who’s staying with you for a short while. That’s what you’ll tell anyone who asks.

“Yeah, you’ve learned that if you do, some dickhead’ll throw their iced coffee all over your back!” you laugh.

Ralph frowns, “You’re not a - a one of those, at all! You’re very nice to take me in like this. Most people seemed to think I belonged in a jungle.”

“Yeah, the old school military uniform kinda looks more… Safari explorer, these days,” you explain.

Ralph’s eyes light up. “Someone finally recognises the Army uniform for what it is!”

“Yeah, I thought I recognised it from when we went to the War Museum for school once. That was the kind of get-up they used to wear in the First World War.” You trip over your own feet a little as Ralph once again halts to anchor you to him, despite what he’s just said. He looks… Distraught. “Alright, mate?”

“Why did you say… First World War?" He asks with fear in his voice. "We won the Great War to restore the - the balance of power, how long did that last?!” He looks at you, dumbfounded.

You hiss air through your teeth. “Oh, boy. Yeah, there’s a lot that’s happened in the last century. I don’t know if it’s such a good idea telling you all of it, since once you get back, it’ll be your future, so…” You contemplate. “We’ll just keep all the questions you have to stuff you’ll need to get by in the here and now, alright? Anything you learn about history, just try and let it go over your head,” you pull him forwards gently and he falls back into step with you.

“One question I have about the here and now,” Ralph starts, and you look over at him. He makes eye contact with you to ask, “What exactly is your name?”

Laughing again, you tell him. “Sorry, I really should have led with that, shouldn’t I! It’s been a long day."

“I’ll say. About a hundred-odd years long!” A giggle bubbles out from Ralph’s lips and it makes you snicker, too.

“You’re a funny one, Penbury. For an old sod, at least,” you push your shoulder into his before leading him into the chip shop. “So, are you a fish guy, sausage, fishcake, pie?”

Ralph looks at all the options in the serving counter with an upturned nose. “What’s that one?” he asks, pressing his finger against the glass.

You look over and answer, “Battered sausage. Sausage, but in the batter they cook the fish in. Bloody lovely,” you smile wistfully. 

“I might just stick to the classic cod and chips, thank you,” Ralph mutters under his breath as he stares around the small room in fascination. You order on behalf of the pair of you and take the bag from the server with a grateful smile. Ralph notices and plasters one on as well, though his definitely comes off as more fake. He basically attaches himself to your arm again the second you’re out of the door, as though you’re bound together magnetically, and you guide him to the tower block that contains your pokey little flat.

After spending several minutes convincing Ralph that the lift isn’t going to suck him into another time period, and that he’s more than welcome to traipse up all the stairs that lead to the ninth floor, he relents and stands in the lift with you, though he stands so close that you’d think his goal was for you to wear him. Brushing against his chest feels nice, though. Shut up, you’re just touch-starved. This is not your ticket out of your dry spell. This is a fever dream.

Once you’re in your flat, you quickly dig out whatever men's clothes you have laying around - some sweatpants and a white T-shirt, and you throw them at him. "Just to get out of your dirty clothes while I plate up, eat before this gets cold, then you can go shower. I'm sure there's some boxers in my pyjama drawer you could use, too, I'll find those for you in a bit." You point to your bathroom and he quietly complies.

You could've just eaten the meals straight from their wrapper, the way you always do. But you figured Ralph has had enough culture shocks as it is, you'll give him the decency of eating from a plate. Besides, spending your night with a man dressed in 1920s army gear who's eating fish and chips out of some paper on his lap might just be enough of a sight to tell you to get yourself checked into the psych ward at the earliest convenience. At least you can try and create some kind of normalcy in this moment.

A quick Google search tells you television wasn't around in 1926, so you don't want to expose him to that tonight, too. Give it a day, maybe. You could play some old-time-y music on your Echo but you're not sure what he'd want to listen to. Instead, once you're both sat on the sofa together, you make conversation with him about his past as you eat. He tells you about how the Penburys were known socialites, how he and his sister had pretty much the same group of friends, how they had recently found friends in a rather special group of people, one of which he'd fallen head over heels for, just for her to reject him, and his heartbreak caused him to join the Army, which he hated.

"It's rather funny, you know," Ralph adds. "People here talk very similarly to Lauren and the others. I wonder if they exist in this time, too."

You start piecing things together. "Lauren… Plays jazz… She the drummer in this little quartet?" Ralph nods, his eyes wide. "Kinda short, has a brother called Nick?"

"Nicholas, yes! He's tall and he wears thick glasses! You know them?!" Ralph asks excitedly.

"Yeah, Nick was in my class all through high school! Always used to fancy him," you reminisce happily before stifling a laugh. "Wait, wait. So you mean to tell me that this Lauren you're besotted with is - is Little Lauren? Oh, you poor, sweet boy."

He looks offended. "Why would you think that that’s such a bad thing?!"

"Mate, I've known you five minutes and even I know Lauren would chew you up and spit you out," you look at him sympathetically. "And you're not gonna be able to change her on that. Unless you're into all that kinda stuff," your nose turns up a little as you joke, just to get a reaction from him.

Sure enough, there go the illusive colour-changing ears. He sputters, "W- I - I don’- I’m no- That is no appropriate discussion topic over dinner!” and you collapse into a fit of giggles, falling into him a little.

“Oh, lighten up, Ralph. Things are far less proper round here, that was nothing,” you explain, to his horror.

Once you’re both finished eating, you grab a clean pair of boxers from your pyjama drawer and toss them into the bathroom, gesturing to Ralph with your head that that’s where he ought to go. “Sorry you’re gonna have to use your finger as a toothbrush tonight, I’ve not got any extras of those, but -”

“Oh, all of this is already above and beyond! Even taking me in, I - I hope you understand how truly grateful I am, and with your patience acclimating me to… All this,” Ralph gestures around with his hands.

You nod with a soft smile. “Uh, give the shower a few minutes to run, though. Goes from freezing to scalding and then you’ve just sort of gotta… Keep fiddling with it. You’ll figure it out, I’m sure.”

The various screeches you hear from behind the closed door suggest that he is not as successful in figuring out the shower as you’d hoped. While he showers, you do a little more digging. Thankful that your mum’s weird obsession with your family tree may finally come in handy, you ask for the login to her online ancestry account. Tapping through to the census search, you type the name ralph penbury and set the dates between around 1890 and 1930 to look for any documentations of birth - or death. Sure enough, an entry pops up: 

Ralph Penbury - Date of birth: 01/02/1901 - Parents: William and Delilah Penbury - Occupation: Private in the Armed Forces - Death: Announced 19/09/1926 - MIA, presumed dead

You frown at the result. Was Ralph always doomed to go missing in action, you wonder? Is he only presumed as such because he’s travelled through time? His existence hasn’t been completely erased by the trip, obviously, but how much of this was affected by it? It hurts your head to try and think about. But at least you know when his birthday is. It’s still a few months away by all accounts, you may not even get to celebrate it with him. You still make a note of it in your phone.

Ralph soon emerges from the bathroom, and the sight causes your breath to catch in the back of your throat. He already had a certain cuteness about him, but as he rubs his hair dry with the towel, his damp natural curls stick out in all directions. Some facial hair and a neck chain or two, and he’d be exactly the kind of guy you’d let break your heart in a smoking area. He studies your face carefully as you’re staring at him. “Is there something wrong?”

“No!” you snap yourself out of your trance quickly. “No, not at all. Um, you can - you can take the bed. If you want. Get a good night’s sleep.”

Ralph gasps in horror, “I could never! I am simply a guest, I must insis-”

“And I must insist that you’ve literally travelled almost a hundred years to be here. Who knows when you’re gonna be here until, so… I don’t mind. I can sleep on the sofa for now, I promise,” you smile. “Just let me get in there real quick to get changed myself too, yeah?” Despite still standing in the bathroom doorway, and therefore not in the way of your bedroom, Ralph still steps aside and gestures towards it for you.

You change into a tank top and trousers combo, grab a blanket and some cushions out from your wardrobe, and head back into the living area. “Are you decent?” Ralph asks, his eyes squeezed.

You laugh, “Down, boy, I wasn’t exactly going to come out in my birthday suit, was I?! Yes, I am, you can look.”

He opens his eyes, takes one look at you, and yelps before covering his face with his hands. “You said you were decent!”

You look down at yourself, confused. Sure, the top is well-fitting, but you don’t think it’s indecent at all. You walk over to him and pull his wrists down. His eyes are once again shut tightly. “Ralph. It’s okay. I promise. Again, this is absolutely fine and modest in these times. Unless you want to stick out like a sore thumb, you’ll have to get used to it,” you shrug, letting go of him. He opens his eyes slowly and his breath shudders as he quickly jolts away.

“Okay, very well. I’ll try my hardest,” he nods, though he seems to be making the effort to keep his jaw up to maintain a high eyeline. “Are you sure you’ll be okay sleeping out here?”

You sigh, repeating once again, “Yes, Ralph, I’ll be fine. Go get some rest. You’ve had a big day.”

“Yes, very well. Erm,” he ducks his head down and to the side for a split second, as though to kiss your cheek, before stopping himself and once again raising his head high, his eyes wide and his ears pink. He clears his throat. “Thank you, again. Good night.”

“G’night, mate. Sleep well,” you pat his arm and start setting up the sofa for the night as he enters your bedroom and closes the door behind him.

You stick the TV on, not really caring what’s playing as it only really serves as background noise, and turn your lights off. The glows of the television screen and your phone screen illuminate the room as you search for any other evidence of time travel. Nothing that matched Ralph’s story comes up. You’re somewhere deep into a conspiracy theory about someone with a mobile phone being spotted at a Charlie Chaplin premiere when you finally drift off to sleep.

next chapter

[busyralph]

the real character development in bsbl: ralph's enjoyment of being in front of the camera

[a-writer-on-elm-street]

Gingerbread Houses

pairing: ralph x gn!reader

summary: you and ralph decide to make a gingerbread house together, except it doesn't exactly go to plan...

a/n: thank you so much anon for requesting this! i hope you enjoy! <3

"Have you ever made anything yourself?" You giggled, as you watched Ralph squinting at the instructions on the counter. "You're terrible at this, Ralph!"

"I'm sure I can figure it out." He mumbled, his eyes still fixed on the flour covered sheet of paper in front of him. "If the servants can do it, then surely so can I."

You were both currently attempting to make a gingerbread house together, emphasis on the word 'attempting'. You'd decided it'd be a fun Christmas activity for you both, except you were failing miserably.

Ralph had insisted that this would be an easy task, ultimately taking charge of the operation. Except now, he was leaning over the instructions, a half empty bowl of ingredients off to the side, whilst he attempted to figure it out.

"Careful Ralph, I wouldn't want you to hurt yourself." You joked, noting how hard he was squinting at the paper. "I swear I can practically see the smoke coming out of your head right now."

He turned around then, clearly offended by your comment. "Hey...that was quite hurtful."

"Sorry." You chuckled, gently patting his shoulder as you stepped closer to him. And it was then that you noticed the flour on the end of his nose, so you reached up to brush it away with your fingers, finally pressing a light kiss to his nose. "You know I love you. Even if you're terrible in the kitchen."

[Main Masterlist] [Ralph Masterlist] [12 Days Of Christmas Masterlist]

[spookyscarydemonbabe]

Ralph Audios

I know it’s taken FOREVER but i finally have a list of audios for our sweet Ralphie 🥰

I also want to mention that because it took so long for me to make, there probably won’t be another out for quite a while. It was hard enough to find enough audios that really made me think of Ralph that also took place during his time period so i’m not entirely sure when i’m going to post another one but i hope you all enjoy this one! 🖤

⚠️Warning⚠️- All of these audios are 18+ and are intended for afab/female listeners. The voices aren’t going to match up 100%, i picked out audios that reminded me more of their character than their voice.

Waking up next to Ralph in the morning

Ralphie brings you breakfast in bed

You catch Ralph watching you in the shower

Ralph wants to get you into bed

Getting caught in the rain

Ralph is extra needy for you and tries his best to be dominant (Please know this audio mentions pregnancy from 7:55-8:00)

You and Ralph ‘borrow’ a car together

Ralphie tells you how much he needs you over the phone

Ralph knows he always needs to ask for permission

Ralphie needs you so badly