#rare syscourse post from many but one

[many-but-one]

Recently saw a post about folks feeling upset about CDD systems saying they are endo-neutral yet also not wanting to see endo stuff on their dashboards. I’m not reblogging and adding to it because I feel like it would kind of be beating a dead horse because a mutual of mine said basically the same thing I’m about to say and I wanted to make my own post about it. I rarely make posts about syscourse for a variety of reasons but I do think this is something that is important.

I’ve been endo-neutral for a long time, a couple years at least. I’ve openly stated that I find endogenic plurality plausible and interesting. I’ve made a video on tiktok about this subject that got me a plethora of vague posts and made people despise me for having the take that I did. I’ve gotten both hate anons and positive anons on tumblr thanking me or hating me for taking the stance that I did. I’ve met endos who were lovely people and I’ve met endos who were really shitty people. And the same for anti-endos. I’ve been watching the syscourse battle rage on for years and the fact that the same stuff keeps coming up over and over with no “winner” (because it’s a discussion that doesn’t need to have a winner imo—endos can believe what they want and so can anti-endos) makes it feel like the two sides are constantly battling over a fictional no-man’s-land that has only ended in people being hurt, people being hurtful, and just so much fucking negativity.

However, as a CDD system, I don’t think it’s completely implausible to not want to see endo related stuff on my dashboard. I personally believe that the two groups *should* be separate. Because clearly the two groups trying to blend together is what *causes* this discourse to get so bad in the first place. Even if you believe you have a traumagenic system but identify as endo because you don’t think you’re disordered, then the resources and experiences talked about in the CDD tag won’t apply to you. Folks who have a CDD have childhood trauma and therefore their experiences are going to center around being traumatized. I shouldn’t have to want to see stuff from a non-disordered/endo system on my dash if our experiences don’t align at all. I shouldn’t have to preach my neutrality or support for endos day and night for me to be able to say that I am endo neutral or endo supportive.

The main reason I identify as endo neutral despite having a general support of endo systems existing is for a variety of reasons. The main ones being 1) I cannot police other people’s personal experiences 2) whether endogenic plurality is proven by science or not doesn’t matter to me because I’m not endogenic 3) I hate participating in syscourse and taking sides or disclosing sides openly is by nature partaking in it but Gods Forbid I don’t declare what side I’m on or I’m somehow betraying one side or the other 4) both sides can and have been incredibly toxic to each other and I don’t like that kind of negativity in my life, I’ve had enough of having to take sides who are both shit in my life 5) I think the fact that we are STILL fighting over this shit and have been for years with no leeway one way or another makes the fight pointless and should just Stop and 6) I do believe in a separation of the groups because I genuinely believe many if not most systems on either side will refuse to exist in harmony, not to mention the experiences of each side are completely different and non-comparable in exception to both sides having alters present—whether formed by trauma or other means.

I support the views of some endos. I support the views of some anti-endos. I understand why there is animosity on both sides. It is not possible for me to even take a side. However, because I’m a CDD system who has A Lot of trauma, my experiences are not comparable to that of endos and I don’t want to see their content on my dash. I don’t follow the plural tag, I don’t follow the syscourse tag, so I don’t often see endo stuff on my dash because those tend to be spaces in which both are present. And that’s fine because I can curate my own tumblr experiences. But when I see endo stuff in the DID tag or the dissociative disorder tags, that’s when I do get annoyed because endogenic plurality is not comparable to a CDD. And if you’re a traumagenic system who identifies as endo, I feel like that means you should make your own tags and stay out of the ones meant for one side or the other. Or stick to endo only tags. Mixed origins tags exist, don’t co-opt the traumagenic tags when you have distanced yourself from being traumagenic by identifying as endo. You know? Traumagenic tags, DID tags, dissociative disorder tags—all those are for disordered systems, systems who have a complex dissociative disorder. We HAVE made our own tags and our own spaces, they just semi-regularly get co-opted by endo users.

And the same goes for anti-endos. Stop freaking tagging your endo hate with endogenic tags. If you don’t want them in your spaces so badly, don’t invade their spaces either. Fucksakes.

[sevenrs]

been seeing interest crop up for a plural interpretation of grey wind/chasing wind, or making plural iterator ocs. this is great! as a system myself, i would like to offer some guiding questions and tips to non-systems to help out in their endeavors. please remember that i am one system and plurality varies VERY HEAVILY among people. other systems are free to comment and add their own tips. just dont turn this post into syscourse

i will use gw/cw as the most prevalent examples but this applies to any oc as well!

- alters are their own people in a lot of cases, not just "personalities". ask yourself, how does gw differ from cw? when presented with the same situation, how do each of them react? do they agree with each other or not? either way, what are their reasons?

- systems are rarely comprised of just two alters. it is not impossible, but very rare. most people notice plural symptoms at around 3 alters and people will on average have between 8-15 alters (but more is very much not unheard of!). think about how many alters gw/cw would have on top of each other

- alters may have different pronouns, sexuality, and ways they want to present themselves from each other. how do gw/cw and other alters differ from each other in this way, if at all?

- if gw/cw's physical body changes to represent who is fronting, was this an ability they had before realizing their plurality? in our world, we cannot change how we look outside of clothes and makeup. if gw/cw do not possess the ability to change physically, do either of them or any other alter feel uncomfortable or even dysphoric looking at their physical body?

- alters' relationships may vary heavily on the same person. how do gw/cw feel about a specific person? how are they the same or different? is one alter in a whole different kind of relationship with someone than another?

- how comfortable is gw/cw with telling others about their plurality? do only they know? their close friends? local group? anyone they come across? plurality is often personal, and is not a singular decision for any one alter in a system to make to tell others. it can be difficult for non-systems to understand what plurality is like (and in our world, cause mockery) so they may think it is easier to stay quiet about it

- plurality happens because of several different conditions. there is did, but there are also ospd-1a and 1b. i would highly recommend doing your own research on these different types of plurality. they each have different effects on memories, emotional state, even how defined the alters themselves. again, look into it

- if gw/cw have memory problems, do they have a way to get around it? private broadcasts? pearls? scratching on the walls? how do they talk to alters not co-concious with them?

- some systems may use role labels to identify themselves as having particular jobs to help/protect the system. these are roles such as host, caretaker, guardian, traumaholder, etc. do your research on this one. do any of these roles apply? or do gw/cw forgo these labels? (personally, we only use the term "host")

- headspace is a place in the mind where alters "live" (it's not a real residence, but it feels that way) headspace may be small, only representing co-conciousness, or very large, giving every alter a more "tangible" place to stay if not fronting. or headspace might not exist at all! (this is most common in systems who just found out about their plurality). what does headspace look like to them? keep in mind, headspace can really look like anything. for me at least, it looks mostly consistent. a few things may change about it or it may expand, but it's not like imagination where anything happens if you think about it

as a disclaimer i am not going to go in depth about trauma or sources in this post. it can get very personal very quickly. a general way i can put it is think of a long term source of stress and/or abuse that may be present in your iterator's life. handle the subject with care.

the best way to learn about the experiences of plurality is to ask people who are systems. as long as you are given consent, come in with genuine curiosity, and be as reasonable as you can, most systems will be okay with questions! it is like any other identity

a side: other ways to make plural iterators?

iterators do not share human anatomy or physiology. they will never perfectly be able to represent plurality like we have it in our world

but the unique characteristics of iterators can lend way into creative ideas that are similar to plurality! (but never, i want to stress, NEVER the same)

notably, several puppets in one can. if you remember that the body of the iterator is the structure, and the puppets are like the face, then you have several faces, personalities, people, in one body. my immunerators play around with this idea and i am sure there are other ways to get creative!

[tales-from-sysblr]

Tales from sysblr? Oh boy, do I ever.

I got in a vicious fight with someone over communication issues and they said I was tone policing when asking for tone tags. (bitch I was just confused)

A few of my posts have been popular in endo spaces, so it's whiplash every time I see the notifications.

I've rarely actually had an altercation with an endo, but I have a feeling that a friend's girlfriend made me block them because I am anti-endo and they're toxic as fuck.

Syscourse blogs are the ones circulating the most drama. If you've ever thought "what the fuck" in terms of sysblr drama, it's syscourse blogs getting into spats. Most of us just eat popcorn and watch for the tea. So if you ever want to be free, never use the tag ever again. All the drama is relatively contained around the same 15-20 people.

I don't have too many tales. Bad memory and all.

Help what the fuck is tone policing

I can only imagine the whiplash.. we tag most our posts anti endo for that reason lmao.

[multiplicity-positivity]

Any advice for a past anti-endo becoming pro-endo? I find myself slowly drifting away from friends who consider themselves anti-endo and I wonder if maybe I'm doing something wrong. I understand endos aren't perfect but they aren't as bad as people make them out to be. Sorry if this is too discoursey for this blog, feel free to ignore if it is!

hey - we don’t mind answering this, but we’ll do so under a cut to spare our followers from the syscourse. followers, if syscourse upsets you, please scroll on without clicking to keep reading.

so first of all, that’s great that you’re having a more open mind about plurality and endogenic systems! accepting and embracing different forms of plurality can help bring us closer together as a community :)

we’re sorry it’s been causing you to drift away from your friends as a result… syscourse is a complicated and nuanced topic, and it’s hard to find anyone who will agree with your syscourse beliefs 100%. we know pro endos who still maintain friendships with anti endos, and we do believe it’s possible to maintain positive relationships with those who disagree with you without wavering in your beliefs.

i suppose some general advice we’d like to give for a previous anti endo who’s changing their ways is:

1) trust yourself for validation, not other pro endos.

if you are open and accepting of other kinds of systems, that is excellent, and you are doing the right thing. many in the pro endo community may struggle to accept folks who have changed their ways. there’s lots of “once an anti, always an anti”, “syscourse unaligned/neutral just means anti”, and “anti endos are a hate group” sentiments online. and those who genuinely have these beliefs likely won’t trust or show kindness to those who have been anti endos in the past. so don’t be too discouraged and please don’t go back to being anti endo if you’re not accepted in the community by other pro endos. we ourself have been shunned by much of the pro endo community for being “syscourse unaligned,” so we know personally how that goes. but that hasn’t stopped us from listening to and supporting endogenic systems to the best of our ability.

2) stay out of syscourse, at least for a while

syscourse is dangerous. discussions (on the rare occasions there is one) are often emotionally charged and can get very heated very quickly. so many individuals on all sides of syscourse truly believe that their opinions are the only right ones, and everyone else needs to change or leave the system community. so if you’re learning more about endogenic systems and trying to be a pro endo, it may be wise to just stay out of syscourse and support nontraumagenic systems from the sidelines. one way you can do this is by…

3) following common pro endo tags

“#pluralgang” in general is pretty accepting of all systems. there’s also “#endo safe,” “#endo friendly,” “#endogenic,” “#pro endo,” “#nontraumagenic,” and “#nontraumagenic safe.” you will see the occasional cross post which doesn’t belong, but for the most part, these tags are by endo systems and supporters, for endo systems and their supporters. following these tags can help you feel less isolated from the community!

4) know when to set boundaries and draw the line

it’s well known that the pro endo community (and the plural community in general, honestly) has issues with racism, particularly concerning “tulpamancy” language, which has been condemned by many buddhist systems of color. it is possible to be pro endo without condoning the racism that exists within the community! please make an effort to listen to, center, and uplift plural voices of color in your discussion spaces. it’s possible to believe in tulpamancy and be pro tulpa systems while not standing for their choice of language use. please don’t be accepting of all practices and terminology at face value; when you hear marginalized groups voicing their concerns, listen to them and take them seriously. there are plenty of other terms to describe these systems you can use besides “tulpa” - our system uses paro/paromancy/paromancer, which is not a term bastardized from vajrayana buddhism and tibetan culture.

5) think critically about what you see online

as with any community, there can be bad actors, and there can be ableism. please put your thinking cap on when reading others’ posts, especially posts made by endogenic systems that discuss did/osdd and other dissociative disorders. learn how to spot misinformation and disinformation. try to understand when posts are slightly misguided, and when they may have ulterior motives to cause harm to traumagenic systems. there are accounts out there run by people who will make bigoted, hurtful, and untrue statements regularly, but since they do this eloquently and with a cheery attitude, they often go unchecked. make sure you’re being careful when engaging with the pro endo community, to try and avoid interacting with those whose intentions are to harm disabled systems.

6) try not to waver in your beliefs

if you end up having conversations about syscourse with your anti endo friends, you may find that they spend time trying to steer you back to disliking or disbelieving endo systems. having a few talking points to help you stand your ground could be really useful. some of our go-to statements are:

- other people know themselves and their experiences more than i ever will.

- just because someone’s personal or spiritual beliefs are not provable by science doesn’t mean that they deserve to be disrespected.

- policing other people’s identities and lived experiences is never a good look.

- for the most part, endogenic systems do not claim to have dissociative disorders and do not take up resources allocated for traumagenic systems, contrary to popular belief.

hopefully these things can help keep you on track. you’re not doing anything wrong by coming to a better understanding of plurality and choosing to listen to and respect nontraumagenic systems. remember we’re not the end-all-be-all to syscourse and the pro endo community! we’re just one system who’s been around the block sharing our ideas.

we seriously hope that soon you can find community with likeminded people. thank you for making a genuine attempt to learn more - we see you and appreciate your efforts in trying to change for the better!

🐢 kip and 💫 parker

[circular-bircular]

There is so much value in being able to say, “This post is not for or about me, or people like me, and I can just ignore it rather than explaining my side.”

This has been a hard learned lesson, one that I have ignored time and time again. I’m realizing it’s likely due to that whole “anger has a tendency to override your emotions and seem primary when it’s really a secondary emotion” thing my therapist has been talking to me about recently.

There is so much value in just… not engaging. It helps you not get over-heated with your anger, leaving it at a manageable level that doesn’t overwhelm the zone of tolerance you’re in. It also helps you see other people’s perspectives.

This post is brought to you by that post in the tags right now about neutral individuals. Prefacing: I agree with what was said, for the most part.

When I read the post, I was incredibly frustrated, though. “Neutral people aren’t saying they’re neutral on your fucking existence, neutral people by and large just want to be left alone and not participate in syscourse, there’s even endogenic neutral people,” I shouted in my own head. Then I took a fucking step back, and said, “What is the primary emotion that my anger is coming from?”

I thought for a bit, calmed down, and realized I was feeling isolated because I really don’t experience the things that are frustrating so many people. I don’t see syscourse as being about wanting endogenic systems to die because I so rarely see those individuals in syscourse — I block them immediately, same as I block those who harass me for a thousand other things. But I know that (particularly on the hellscape that is Twitter) things are far worse in terms of syscourse. It’s less of a conversation and more of a war — one that I refuse to take part in and actively condemn.

Understanding that made me realize that it really wasn’t my place to chime in, however much in good faith it would be, to explain that unaligned people in this space are rarely “neutral” on if people live or die. It wasn’t what the post was really about. They’re allowed to vent their frustrations, same as I do.

And so, I was able to keep my mouth shut, sit with my feelings, and make this post after some reflection. I feel healthier for it, and more relieved. I think that’s important, if not for yall, then at least for me.

[system-of-a-feather]

hi! we’re from @kipandkandicore and we’re hoping to make a public google doc listing posts and other testimonies by asian, buddhist, and/or tibetan individuals that explain how tulpamancy language is racist/cultural appropriation.

would it be alright if we used your post in our document? this one in particular:

https://www.tumblr.com/system-of-a-feather/721593982920065024/for-the-record-the-reason-we-are-staunchly

although if you have any other posts discussing the problems with tulpamancy terminology we’d be happy to include them as well!

thank you very much!

Yeah I don't mind, I would also probably say this post best describes my more general and not-trigger driven thoughts on it as well and this is a more raw hurt-charged vent about it. Both are true and both I stand with, but they are the two sides of the topic.

You can also throw this post too because I'll do a VERY basic TLDR main points of my thoughts on the matter here as well that ties the two very long posts about it down since we are a little more nuanced than we state as just "anti-tulpa" cause Syscourse and nuance is like mixing water and oil.

Priority Points:

White people do not have the right to speak over AAPI on AAPI topics - if they wish to say they are listening to "actual tibetian buddhists" they need to listen to more than just one person on a single reddit and they need to not use said one person as a token pass

"Western Tulpamancy" is heavily based in a sensationalization of Eastern Cultures and beliefs and inherently has a shit ton of Eastern Mysticism baked into its very foundations

"Western Tulpamancers" frequently cite it's "history being based in Tibetian Buddhists practices" like its an ornament

People defending the usage of the term just chronically present heavy disregard for the voices of people's lived experiences on how their rhetoric specifically in the discourse is regularly used against AAPI

It has literally nothing to do with the original idea that is underlying Buddhism and it's honestly a huge bastardification of it

Buddhist individuals - especially when branched upon the different variants of Buddhism, but even within the Tibetian Buddhist crowd - will have differing opinions on this topic and you can't base your entire argument off of cherry picking a single person who agrees; that said, Buddhists that are okay with it are completely fair and valid with their opinion on that and they should be given space; but again, one person saying OK doesn't mean its not doing harm to another

I'll stop dancing around it @/sophieinwonderland and their loyal fan afaik (which is not much cause I only look at their profile rarely when someone links me their bad tulpa takes) @/cambriancrew just straight up do not care about AAPI and white knight about people of Tibet while calling all Chinese people CCP and shit which is just really fucked up and racist in its own; I do think there would be more room for discussion on this term if they just shut the fuck up and/or admitted their intentional or at least internalized racism

Important Nuance but Less Priority Points - Summary take home points of the two long posts:

The problem with the term "Tulpa" and those that can use it is not inherently a racial issue. Buddhism is a very open practice and anyone can partake in it - that being said I can't speak on Tibetian Buddhism as I have heard some people say it is closed and I am not in that practice enough to say. But again, Buddhism generally isn't a "born into it" or "you have to be of this group" philosophy / spirituality and so people who talk about "white people" in terms of Tulpa-discourse are technically wrong if the SOLE topic here is about tulpas and Buddhism. There are many white buddhists and people who were raised deeply in buddhist culture (tibetian, zen, or any other form) and I am of the opinion that those white buddhists who GENUINELY interact with the Buddhist culture can have a valid opinion towards this topic as they are likely approaching the topic with a much more genuine-non-sensationalized view. Because again, Buddhists that are okay with it, I respect and support their opinion and their right to voice said opinion - I simply do not agree with it and stand by my stance as well. Tulpa-discourse is a discourse that - in my opinion - should be left within the Buddhist community, not the system / plural / syscourse community.

While it is wrong to say "white people" in topics SPECIFICALLY about Tulpa and Buddhism, it is not wrong at all to bring it up in terms of racism, cultural appropriation, orientalism, Asian mysticism, and AAPI-hate which are all things inherent in the discussion of the history and foundations of "Western Tulpas". There are two different main points to be discussed in "anti-tulpa" discourse and while they are connected, one is about the spirituality specifically and the other is about the overarching ways white and western people interact with asian and eastern cultures.

Because of this being a two prong discourse and topic, you will get massively different energies from me and willingness to talk to opposing views depending on if you are asking my opinion as an asian individual or as a Buddhist.

As an Asian, I HATE it and its overall just a disgusting a peak manifestation of how white people sensationalize, mysticize, and turn Asian culture into an aesthetic, ornament, and *magical* thing to power psuedo-intellectualism, enlightmenet, and "culture".

As a Buddhist, I dislike it as it is a bastardization and a disrespectful interpretation of a concept; that said I don't have as heavy of a strong hate as - as a Buddhist myself - it is a "small issue" and not something worth the energy and negativity that it takes to commentate on it; that said we have mixed and complicated feelings on "letting it go" because to do so would be to enable a long standing history of westerner's treating eastern cultures as an aesthetic and ornament which in my perspective is a source of great suffering and hurt to many people and on a moralistic level, while it would be better for me to let it go, I also think it would be wrong to ignore it and leave it for the next person. Regardless, our main take on this as a Buddhist is that we dislike it - the effort of which and intensity varies from part to part.

[transmascpetewentz]

Syscourse jumpscare

While I normally don't post syscourse on this account, I felt the need to add to a conversation that's been happening recently (and one that's been ongoing for a while) regarding the term "sysmed" and its usage.

So, a little bit about my system that I rarely talk about on here: we're a polyfragmented DID system. I have been the host since about April, and I don't know most of the other system members very well. We have varying views on endogenic systems, leaning towards pro. I still haven't really decided what I think about this whole debate. Either way, we all can agree on the fact that the term "sysmed" is transphobic.

Transmedicalism isn't just "when people think you can't be trans without dysphoria." Transmedicalism, more than being a belief or a set of beliefs, is a societal attitude about transness and about gender as a whole. Modern transmedicalism is an intracommunity issue, but it is rooted in "science" such as the debunked theories of Blanchard. The difference, however, between Blanchard's "science" and the science around systems, is that Blanchard's "science" is complete bullshit. The gap between FTM "HSTS transsexuals" and "autohomoerotic transsexuals" is almost nonexistent because this "science" is based entirely on the stereotype that transness exists for sexual reasons.

Modern transmedicalism, while it harms everyone in the trans community, is mainly straight gender conforming transmascs trying to weaponize heterosexuality and gender conformity against femmes, gay transmascs, and other non-straight transmascs. Being feminine or attracted to men is seen as a sign of "trending," just like the debunked homophobic idea that being attracted to men made you a fetishist of male homosexuality before it. The history of transmedicalism cannot be divorced from this "science," which is something I've spoken about previously.

To compare this history to anti-endos being mean online is transphobic on so many levels. Anti-endos being mean online aren't what cause young gay trans men to hate themselves for not being attracted to women. Anti-endos being mean online don't spread an ideology that gets you denied T if you show any interest in men. Anti-endos being mean online are not in any way comparable to the severe, irreversible harm that the idea of autohomoeroticism has done to the gay trans male community.

Before the 1980s, there were not even words to describe us, because people didn't know we even existed. Those of us that lived before then just called themselves faggots. So many of our brothers lived their whole lives never realizing there was anyone else like them. The simple truth of the matter is that we live in a world that tries to erase our existence at every point it can, and this erasure is something that shapes how each and every one of us views and interacts with society.

Anti-endos being mean online, while I do not want to minimize the harm they can cause, did not do this. Anti-endos being mean online are traumatized people taking it out on the wrong demographic. They are not continuously silencing a group of people who have been subject to invisible violence for hundreds of years only to be written off as fetishists when people realized that we exist.

Obviously, transmedicalists are not the cause of gay trans men's oppression, and we have more in common with straight trans men than we are different. But transmedicalists are people who have fallen for some of these dangerous ideas, among others, that are rooted in gay trans men's oppression. Anti-endos being mean online are not directly contributing to oppression that is in any way comparable to this.

When I see systems who are cis or not planning to transition bodily use "sysmed" to describe anti-endos being mean, I can't help but be hurt. However valid your argument may be, if you do not experience transphobia, our suffering is not your gotcha. Our oppression is not a hypothetical "[x] is bad so everything that's bad is [x]." We are real people and our voices matter. Allow us to do the talking when it comes to our issues.

Anti-endos aren't off the hook either. If you are cis and you call a trans system transphobic for usage of "sysmed," that is not okay, and you are transphobic. If a trans system is using sysmed, I will still disagree with their usage of the word, but that is for trans people to discuss and sort out amongst ourselves. No matter how good your intentions may be, that is simply not your place.

If you're a trans system (traumagenic or otherwise) and disagree with anything I've said, feel free to reply to this post so we can discuss! This post is directed at cis systems and systems who do not experience transphobia in their daily lives. A system that does experience transphobia regularly who uses "sysmed" is very different from a system who does not who uses the term, and I guess that's the main point here.

[faesystem]

Last Updated: 01/05/2023

Table of contents:

1. Tags

2. About Us

3. Boundaries

-

Tags

Q - It is the queue tag, although it is very rare that we actually end up using it. We typically just add things to queue without any signifier.

Upsetti Spaghetti - This is the tag that indicates the content of the post will be heavy in some manner.

Discourse - This tag was the previous Upsetti Spaghetti tag. However, as not all Upsetti Spaghetti posts are discourse related, it will no longer be in use going forward.

Fandom Subsection - This is the tag used for content related to fandoms.

Disabled Subsection - This is the tag used for content related to disability.

Queer Subsection - This is the tag used for content related to LGBTQ+ topics.

Syscourse Subsection - This is the tag used for content related to syscourse.

Misc Subsection - This is the tag used for any content that does not fit into the other subsections. This will include fandom content for fandoms I am not in that I reblogged because they were funny, and anything discourse related outside of syscourse.

Longform Post - For longform discussion-based posts that I have inserted my thoughts into.

Wowza That Is A Lot - This is the tag used for long fandom posts. In particular, ones that boarder on fanfiction.

I Am Providing Prompts - This is the tag used for prompts I provide. This will also include Wowza That Is A Lot posts.

Ert - This is the tag used for art. In particular art either one if us has made, a friend has made, or we wish to save for some reason or another.

ert to study - this tag is used for art we wanna study and learn from! (and by we i mean tim) -mikey

Remember This For Later - This is the tag used on posts that I wish to locate later. Posts that are within this tag may get removed at a later date when I no longer need to recall them, so ensure you are not using my blog to save it.

This Is Stimmy - This is the tag for things that we found 'stimmy'/wish to stim with in the future.

Groundinghelp - This is the tag for content we have saved in relation to grounding.

Mod [Name] [Pronouns] - This is the tag that indicates which alter made the post. It also provides their pronouns. Should the tag be "Mod ? [Pronouns]" it indicates that whoever made the post either did not know who was fronting or did not wish to share. You can use the name Griffin in this case.

-

About Me

(TLDR: DID system. Please refer to alters individually not collectively. 17. FTM. Australian.)

We have dissociative identity disorder. This is the first thing I bring up because a couple of things about it are relevant.

1. We are informally diagnosed by our psychologist, who is a trauma specialist specialising in complex cases. An informal diagnosis in our case means that our psychologist has assessed and determined we do have dissociative identity disorder and is treating us for it, but has not provided us with an on-record diagnosis. There are many reasons as to why the diagnosis is informal, feel free to enquire.

2. We have an overt presentation of DID and are working on unmasking to combat dissociation. An aspect of unmasking for us involves allowing each of us to individually express ourselves. We ask that you refer to us individually.

Those two were the most relevant aspects of bringing up our dissociative identity disorder. I do have some other I suppose fun(?) get to know us facts.

We specifically have complex-dissociative identity disorder (also known as polyfragmented-dissociative identity disorder, or C-DID/PF-DID).

We, I suppose you could say, offically discovered the disorder just over 2 years and 2 months ago as of the time of this post. However, there is also a self-insert fanfiction we found from when we were thirteen about us having dissociative identity disorder that was written by four alters we do in fact know exist.

We do not have a host. I do not know how to elaborate further on that, but we do not. Feel free to enquire if you are confused by that.

Beyond us having dissociative identity disorder, here is some other information about us.

We live in Australia.

We are 17.

We are a transgender man. Yes, all of us are a transgender man and we view the body as male. No, that does not mean that our individual gender identities are less valid. If you are confused by this feel free to enquire.

There is not much more I can say about us collectively, and I am going to spare individual introductions for seperate posts.

I suppose I will just end off by repeating what I have said a couple of times. If you have any questions, feel free to enquire. I am always happy to educate.

-

Boundaries

Refer to us with our individual names and pronouns. Please do not refer to us collectively. This is the biggest boundary we are putting in place. We are now using tumblr as a place to unmask to assist with some very severe dissociation we have been experiencing for months. This is very important.

The only time it is acceptable to refer to us collectively is if you do not know who was fronting. In this case, Griffin and he/him is acceptable. There is no other instance in which this is acceptable.

If you are referring to things multiple alters have contributed to, for example, please still refer to alters individually as you would if multiple seperate people had contributed to the post.

We understand that this is not particularly accessible. It is absolutely alright if you get it wrong, but please try. It will not be as difficult as it sounds, as most of us are likely to have specific niches we post in.

Treat introjects (fictives) just as you would everyone else. Introjects are not fictional characters, they are real people with real thoughts and feelings. It is never alright to dehumanize someone like that, especially not because of a symptom of their disorder. It is incredibly ableist. If you are genuinely trying not to do this and do not know how, feel free to send in an ask.

Do not interact with us if you are blocked. This includes screenshotting our posts to respond. If you are blocked and have read all of this, I highly doubt this will stop you, but I am explicitly stating it regardless due to one specific individual.

Aside from these two things, we do not have any particular boundaries that come to mind. I would add something like, "Do not be ableist to me for the manner in which I speak," but people who do not care about being ableist are also unlikely to stop that in the face of a boundary. For a similar reason we will not be establishing a Do Not Interact.

[furfurblogs]

System Re-Introduction post

System of many, learn more underneath the cut.

As a disclaimer, we all have our own opinions on things, so please do not hold any grudges on us as a collective if one alter posts an opinion you disagree with.

No syscourse or any type of online discourse here please, and thank you.

~~~~~~~

Some of our alters:

Furfur (she/her) : started this blog originally for mostly herself, introject alter and a memory holder, nowadays mostly resides in the inner world, inactive.

Host : never posts here and has no desire to, doesn't want to get involved with this blog whatsoever, wishes to be kept anonymous, is our host, that's all there is to say.

Oranges (they/them) : Old host, sometimes fills in as secondary host on occasion, kind of a peace keeper between us.

F (they/them) : the one currently writing this post, persecutor and often very irritable, doesn't like to be fronting.

B (he/him) : also an introject, one of the oldest alters in our system, protector mostly, I don't really get along with him that well.

Gatekeeper (It/It's, yes specifically capitalized) : only wants to let people know It exists, also wishes to remain anonymous.

C (it/they) : just kinda exists, I don't know what it does in our system.

Ya (no pronouns) : I also don't know what Ya does in our system, I just know they exist.

We have many more alters, but we can't reach everyone as our communication is rather shit. These are the ones I (F) am aware of.

We post very very rarely here, and at most it's just something regarding our own experiences being in a system. Not all of us feel comfortable posting to here so you won't be hearing from most of us.

All though sometimes one of us might also try to ask for advice navigating being a system.

~~~

For those who have posted, we have our individual tags:

#furfurs post (posts made by Furfur)

#not furfur (any post that wasn't made by furfur)

#oranges posting (posts made by Oranges)

#formely signed by F (posts made by F)

(This list will be updated accordingly)

~~~

Also most are not comfortable sharing their full names here, only Furfur has shared her name.

We sometimes refer to ourselves as "we" and "us" when we're speaking about the system as a collective, we'd rather prefer it if you use our individual pronouns when referring to a specific headmate.

We are also not here to make any friends.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Yes, our system is traumagenic (that's the right term right?).

Yes, we have alot of memory issues because of this.

Yes, we use specific apps and physical notes to communicate between eachother once one of us remembers to do so.

Obviously, we are all our own individuals and we don't get along that well with eachother.

No, we are not comfortable sharing any specific diagnosis.

No, we are not comfortable sharing our age(s), just know that most of us are adults, bodily and legally we are an adult aswell.

No, we will not participate in syscourse.

~~~~~

That is all, good day.

[syscoursehell]

my biggest bone to pick with pro-endos is that the majority of what i’ve seen them say when it comes to issues that they face pretty much all revolve around (mostly internet) invalidation and exclusion, to the point where i’ve seen some endos say that at least we (DIDOSDD anti-endos) are recognized as “the real ones” or like “well fakedisordercringe is laughing at all of us anyways you don’t look any better in their eyes” (the latter was a post semi recently in the syscourse tag and the former was an ask on the syscourse confessions blog). not trying to call out any particular person with this, just that it very clearly shows how unaligned the goals of pro-endos vs anti-endos are. and it blows my mind that they seem to think that not only being recognized as a DIDOSDD system is a GOOD thing, both online and offline, but that it means you’re immune from getting fakeclaimed harassed etc, or that it’s a good thing that FDC laughs at us too in the end. like, i don’t want to be “validated,” and being fakeclaimed over the internet is an annoyance to me at worst, and i don’t want to be unconditionally and radically accepted and included for everything because that leaves no room for me to potentially be wrong or grow as a person. and tbh this is why i think there’s no broader “plural” community because there’s a complete misalignment between the endo community vs the DIDOSDD community, and we as anti-endos know this by now because so many DIDOSDD systems have come out about how endo bullshit harmed them. sorry to dump a novel in your inbox lol it’s just been on my mind

Yep. they're also ignoring the fact that a lot of people who wind up on FDC are minors, who probably aren't safe being recognized as having DID/OSDD/UDD in their household, even if they have a therapist or have been professionally recognized. It doesn't make us feel valid, it just sucks. I've also had friends/mutuals from other platforms wind up on there, and the harassment they face is fucking horrific on a level you wouldn't believe, not to mention winding up on cringe comps just for being mentally ill on the internet. They don't see that people don't believe us. They don't believe that we exist, or they believe that we're too rare to be real. It's an uphill battle to get people to even listen to us, and it's exhausting.

Adding onto that, though, you're absolutely right. They want internet validation and inclusion, even if it excludes others. They can't seem to wrap their minds around the fact that being a system is so much more than just alters, so they build a community around one facet of the experience and push themselves into this anti-recovery mindset of "I don't need therapy, because my system isn't traumatic" even though having a system in of itself is only born out of trauma. Hell, a lot of them act like every psychiatrist/psychologist/therapist in the world is evil, so they surround themselves with the anti-psych community and ignore actual scientific facts about things that do, in fact, matter and need scientific backing.

I'm not saying the psych system is good. It's not. It sucks and needs major reform, and my personal experiences with it have been less than stellar. But that's no excuse to act like every professional who knows their shit is out to get you. There are good doctors out there. There are good, helpful people in this field who want nothing more than to see people thrive.

I also absolutely get your point. Blind inclusion and acceptance leaves no room to grow. It's not a foundation for lasting changes, and it actually behaves in quite the opposite manner. It makes it difficult for people to change when they realize what they're doing is wrong, because they've become comfortable just being accepted without any sort of questioning, or being asked to think about their stances. Not to mention, when all your friends are part of that situation, it makes it so much harder to leave.

Also, being diagnosed can lead you to getting more medical stigma in the future. I have BPD. I was not diagnosed by a former therapists choice, because if it was on my chart, that would make so many medical professionals treat me differently. It would make my life harder in the long run. But that doesn't mean that I think people shouldn't get diagnosed, quite the opposite. I just think that people need to be able to get the help that they need.

This is a tangent turning completely incomprehensible, but that's my thoughts. Thanks for the ask!!

[sophieinwonderland]

Look im not here to insult you or anything, that would not get anything smart out of you and you would just say shits like "tulpa are valid yadayada" so here is a objective criticism.

Most of your post are ableist, referring to someone with a fucking trauma&dissociative disorder as less than someone thinking their imaginary friends are real is fucking ableist ok.

Idk if you think you are in the right or if you family made you feel important enough to not be called out for it, i dont care honestly, but what you are doing is ableist.

Im not Buddhist myself so idk if what you do is really racist, but multiple people that aren't of your ethnicity and some even Buddhist said "tulpa" as a term is cultural appropriation.

What i do know is that you are looking down on mentally ill people for you own gain, giving out false,old and debunked sources to individuals that expects a truth that doesn't exist, talking over people with did/osdd/udd that aren't part of this weird cult-like community, taking stuff that never was yours, breaking boundaries of MANY peoples and obliviously spreading misinformation, i dont care how you want to reply to this, and if you want to reply to this.

This isn't a delebate, im not asking uou to defend yourself, im just pointing out a toxic behavior, i suggest you get off the interned, and no not because you are dumb or smth, but because so many misinfo is harming a lot of people, bye.

"Talking over people with did that aren't part of this weird cult-like community."

I'm sorry, I didn't realize I was listening to the wrong kind of disabled trauma survivors. Thank you for informing me that those people don't count. /s 🙄

I genuinely don't know where you get the idea of ableism from. I might have sometimes used "disordered systems" to refer to DID/OSDD systems, but never in a pejorative manner. I don't think having a disorder or disability makes you lesser, whether the disorder is ASD like we have or DID. Never once have I looked down on someone for having DID or OSDD. We're disordered in our own way. Ours just isn't connected to our plurality.

Also, I don't know what out of date research you're talking about. Most of my sources on the studies page are more recent than the theory of structural dissociation.

Here is an objective criticism for you now:

And you talk about harmful and toxic behavior. But have you looked at your own community? Or, I should say, have you looked at ours? If you visit the endogenic tag at any given time, a good half of the recent posts will be anti-endos spreading hate and vitriol in our spaces. Compare that to the traumagenic tag where the rare occasion and endogenic system posts, it's usually a generic positivity post for all systems.

And it's not like it's an accident this happens. A recent post in the syscourse tag explicitly said they don't believe endogenic systems should have safe spaces. It's not uncommon to see hate posts made directly to endo safe or positivity posts.

But it's okay, they'll say, because they’re harassing the right people. So-called "ableists." Except if you listen, they'll turn around and claim many of these are probably just traumagenic systems "in denial."

Such great people these exclusionists are, bullying and abusing these trauma survivors into the right side or just off of these internet. If only the deluded trauma survivors could understand that the exclusionists are abusing them for their own good. /s

But it doesn't actually matter if the trauma survivors are in denial or not.

The greatest lie the exclusionists tell is that their actions are okay because endogenic systems are hurting DID/OSDD systems. They don't talk about talk about the DID/OSDD systems they hurt.

In the past few months since setting up this blog, I've accumulated more than 200 followers. Many are endogenic, but many are not.

One of the earliest asks I got was from a traumagenic system who was in a DID server. At one point, they were asked if they hated endogenic systems. They didn’t even know what endogenic systems were before that point. But because they didn't hate endogenic systems, they immediately found themselves harassed out of the community.

I've seen similar stories countless times. Maybe it's not even for supporting endos. In some cases, it's diagnosed DID system who, even though they suffered trauma, remember being plural before that trauma took place, and so they choose not to identify as traumagenic.

They still did suffer severe trauma as a child. They're still diagnosed with a disorder. But they're bullied and abused for how they choose to perceive their own disorder and trauma. Their own personal experiences are considered ableist.

Who protects these systems? These trauma survivors? It's clearly not you.

The truth that the exclusionists don't want you to hear is that they don't discriminate between endos and supporters and diagnosed DID systems who just don't fit into their boxes. They'll point with their right hand to the endogenic systems they'll accuse of being ableist so that you don't see the DID systems they're abusing with their left.

You say that I’m speaking over DID/OSDD systems, but I'm not. What I am doing is giving a voice to them. To the systems who have come to me that have faced bullying and abuse by exclusionists. The trauma survivors who don't participate in syscourse because they aren't in a good mental state and know that if they do, they will be abused over and over again, until they've been successfully bullied into silence.

Even in your ask, you already try to "other" them by referring to them as cult members. To you they're... hmm... is there a mental health equivalent of a "race traitor?" Doesn't matter. You get the idea.

And some of these systems have cult-related trauma. And why? Because they believe the scientific evidence of endogenic plurality as opposed to the zero evidence it doesn't exist?

People will say that it's not my problem. That I shouldn’t involve myself in DID/OSDD discussions because I don't have those disorders. But as long as there are DID/OSDD systems who come to this blog because exclusionists have made them feel unsafe existing in their own spaces, it is my problem.

And it's not just the endo and endo supporters who these exclusionists have been hurting. It's also their own supporters.

Not long ago, there was a popular post ordering people to stop using Simply Plural because some of its articles were from inclusive plural groups. When people pointed out that the app was completely free to use, included no ads (it's funded through patreon) and that there aren't better alternatives for DID/OSDD systems, the OP responded by telling them that the app was harmful to systems and using it or accepting it's existence at all was a form of support.

The implication being that if you continue to use this tool that helps your mental health, then you're hurting systems. This is almost like trying to manipulate people to stop taking antidepressants or antipsychotics to spite big pharma. And this wasn’t a minor thing. This post accumulated over a hundred notes, and many reblogs across anti endo blogs on this site. And you accuse endo supporters of being cult members while anti-endos are emotionally manipulating their followers to engage in harmful behaviors like this.

And on that note, while I have your attention, I want to say this to anyone in these circles: look out for yourselves. You might think these people are your friends. You might like the sense of community you get there. You might think you can trust them because of some shared commonalities. But anyone, anywhere, who would try to emotionally manipulate you into doing something hazardous to your mental health isn't a friend and doesn't care about you.

Whatever crusade they're convincing you to fight isn't worth sacrificing yourself or your health for.

And I would apply this same standard to myself as well. Anyone who feels that what I'm doing is harmful to their mental health can turn the other way and block me right now. I would rather lose followers than inadvertently cause someone harm.

Unlike the people who pushed their followers to stop using Simply Plural, I care more about the mental health of the systems following me than I do about pushing an agenda.

I'm not telling anyone to leave these communities. (Although frankly, all that hate is probably not very good for you either, but that's another topic.) Just, while their right hand is pointing at the people they want you to hate, pay close attention to what they're doing with their left to make sure the ones being manipulated and abused aren't yourselves.

Whatever side of this topic you're on, stay safe and take care of yourselves out there.

[circulars-reasoning]

Singlets in Syscourse

I’m finally making a post about this topic! It’s one that’s passionate for me, and one I’ve wanted to discuss for some time. Here’s my thoughts on singlets in syscourse.

This post is open for debate from all sides of syscourse. Keep in mind that I am writing from the perspective of a DID system.

TL;DR: I believe singlets should be allowed to participate in syscourse, with the only caveats being that they cannot speak over systems and that they need to at least understand it, to some degree.

Full explanation under the cut!

There’s so many reasons I feel singlets should be able to speak in syscourse. This one’s going to take more of a list approach, because there’s just so many hypotheticals to address here.

Singlet Relationships

First, many systems are in relationships with singlets. This is my own experience here - my partner is a singlet who participates (very rarely) in syscourse. They’ve made maybe three posts on the subject. All of those posts discussed things that only they could remark on, by proxy of being my singlet partner. Things like how syscourse has hurt me, or how there’s a lack of accountability in both communities, leading to misinformation. They spoken about how syscourse has affected our relationship. I think this is perfectly acceptable; they only speak to what they experience from their perspective.

Are they speaking over systems? Nope! None of the information they gave was speaking over anyone, and was co-opted and reviewed by myself for clarity’s sake. Are they well researched and understand what they’re talking about? Yep! They have done quite a bit to look into my disorder.

Misdiagnosis

Sometimes, someone who thought they had OSDDID… didn’t. Sometimes, people who thought they were an endogenic system realize they’re experiencing psychosis instead, and are not actually plural. Sometimes we misdiagnose ourselves - and that’s okay.

However. Those people (who would be considered singlets) still participated in syscourse when they believed they were systems. Was it fine back then but not fine now? But what’s the difference - they’ve still spent time in these communities and have done (hopefully) an incredible amount of research into these topics. I think it’s perfectly fair for them to still speak to syscourse, so long as they fulfill the caveats.

Are they speaking over systems? Nope! They’re sharing what their experiences were in those spaces. They’ve experienced it and should be able to share. Are they well researched? Yep! We’re going to assume that those who say they have DID/OSDD have a baseline understanding of what they’re talking about.

Therapists and Professionals

My therapist has spoken with me about syscourse before, and in turn, I’ve mentioned what he’s said on my blog. This is still a singlet speaking on syscourse, in my opinion; I’m just taking his words. He understands it, and isn’t speaking over me - so it’s perfect. I think professionals who know about this disorder should be able to speak on it, singlet or not. If a therapist somewhere we’re to make a blog dedicated to syscourse, I’d be thrilled.

Are they speaking over systems? Nope! A therapist in this sense would be sharing research into DID/OSDD, which is just the spreading of information. If anyone considers facts to be “speaking over systems,” then that’s frankly ridiculous. Are they well researched? Gee I sure hope so.

Just A Regular Ass Singlet

My friend is just a normal person. She’s got her own fair share of problems and trauma, though - not unlike most singlets! I feel that the majority of people in life have experienced trauma. She’s no exception.

She has helped me so much with my system. She’s talked with me about how to heal, and grow. She is so close that I would call her family over friend, if asked directly. And if she chose to talk about syscourse and her thoughts, I would be fine with it. She’s researched extensively, and she wouldn’t speak over other systems; if she were spreading misinformation, then she would listen if I (or someone else) corrected her.

Do I need to do the thing again with the bold, or is my point made? All of this boils back down to those two points, each time. Are they educated? And are they speaking over systems?

I think it’s so important for singlets to voice their opinions. They’re the majority of the world. If we could educate them further, help them understand the struggles we’re going through and the movements that were created against us (speaking about the Natural Multiplicity Movement, which was what helped form the endogenic community - not claiming the endogenic community is “against” DID/OSDD)… I feel like singlets could be great ally’s.

Moreover, they provide some very interesting insights that we, as systems, don’t always see. My partner’s discussions about accountability reflect their ADHD and how they’ve had to hold themself accountable. My therapist’s comments on plurality opened the door to new research for me to read, and has given me some really interesting analogies which have helped my system heal and grow. There’s so many ways a singlet’s voice differs from my own, and so much I can learn from them.

To close, I’m going to share what is possibly the stupidest phrase to ever come out of my mouth, but it’s helped me a lot. “If it weren’t for the DID, I’d be a singlet.” I know, I know, water is wet and all. But… Singlets are just people. I, too, am just people. We have that much in common. Singlets can conceptualize my disorder, even if they don’t experience it directly, and many experience similar things in their own lives. We aren’t all that different.

I feel singlets participating in syscourse is just fine.

[thecirculararchive]

System quirks, endogenic system edition

Note: This is an anonymous submission from an Endogenic system! Some formatting has been changed for more readability. Hope that's okay! This is also SUCH a long post, so I hope you don't mind a read more being added.

[Begin Submission:]

We have decades of memories of being a singlet prior to (non-intentional) system formation, so comparing how our brain works "now vs then" is super interesting, same with comparing notes with other systems:

We actually do sometimes get problematic amounts of dissociation--derealization in particular, can't drive safely on the really bad days, but luckily those are pretty rare now--but when that all started lines up with a whole bundle of cognitive issues we got from a recent medical issue (which has dissociation as a known consequence/side effect), and it's overall less intense than what many of the DID systems we've talked to experience. Switching actually seems like it helps with it, too.

I'm a fictive, but I definitely wasn't any kind of hyperfixation and/or comfort character before I showed up. Lots of "wtf, why this guy?!" initially, though in hindsight we can kind of connect some dots of subconscious logic to it

Tiny system, lol. 2 years in and only two of us.

Someone else mentioned the different voices thing--yep, that's us too. (our therapist can usually clock who's out in the first few seconds of the call)

No autobiographical amnesia, which we're very grateful for, that sounds difficult AF

That thing where you're partially co-con and get two separate emotional responses to a situation "in parallel"? like, not one person experiencing conflicting emotions, but two separate emotional arcs side by side that don't always line up well at all.

Similarly, switching and going from happy to depressed, or freaking out to fine, in a matter of seconds--always kinda wild.

We're not always co-con, but it's usually pretty easy to get the other one's attention internally if we want

We don't fully switch all that regularly, tend to go about a day or two at a time in front and split time about evenly between us

Memory: we only form conscious memories of stuff the current fronter's directly aware of. That can be IRL or headspace, depending on what they're focusing on, or if they're splitting some awareness back into headspace for the other one of us to use at the cost of being less aware of what's going on IRL, but we don't (as far as we know) have separate memory banks or anything.

Distinct patterns in the symptoms of some of our other mental health issues (moderate depression + mild ADHD, probably some burnout). Same issues, but the presentations are a little different between the two of us.

(Speaking of comparing notes with other systems...we wish syscourse was less of a raging wildfire, honestly; it gets pretty tiring. No amount of "endos aren't valid!!" posts are going to magically erase the past 2 years of our waking up every morning with two senses of self in our head--and a lot of the time, it feels a lot like folks are just 'making up a guy' to be mad at, or at least painting with a very broad brush, rather than actually sitting down and having a conversation with lots of endogenic and non-DID/OSDD systems to learn what we actually think and experience.

Are there messed-up group dynamics out there, across all sorts of sub-communities in the overall system population? Oh yeah, definitely, and it's not good. But sorting by system origin or dx label doesn't neatly divide everyone into "nice people" and "problematic", as it turns out. /nm)

[/End Submission]

Hoo boy! This is certainly the longest system quirks I've seen! Thank you so much for participating. I'm hoping I phrase everything properly so I don't offend - I'm going to speak to some of these from my own experiences as a system, so if the comparison is off base for Endogenics, feel free to let me know <3

I really struggle with dissociation, myself. It's interesting that you mention that switching will help with it! I wonder if that's anything like what Endos told me about how switches gave them more energy. Maybe it was closer to "less dissociation" instead? It certainly doesn't help me on either front though, haha.

The "wtf why this guy" thing is 100% relatable as a system! We have a fictive in here who. If we're being honest, is our least favorite character out of the 5 main characters in the book he's sourced from. I also know many people who have fictives from things they hate!

I'm hearing more and more about lower alter counts recently! It's wild to me, as someone who used to hear a lot about how DID systems "usually have hundreds of alters." It's been nice, hearing lower alter counts, especially since we started as a "two person system" ourselves.

Haha, the voice thing!! It's been funny, because our therapist is clocking us more and more (not only on voice, but by body language!)

Oh gosh yeah. The amnesia is... very difficult. Especially when you can't remember if you have trauma or not. And the amount of doubt that comes along with the idea of "Wait - DO I have trauma?" It's hard, but well. When you have trauma responses...

We actually, more often than not, experience that "side by side" co-con! Sometimes we do experience that One Personality Now co-con, but it's typically two people in conversation with each other.

We don't typically have that drastic an emotional switch, but sometimes we do. Particularly if Numb is coming out. He's very good at repression (gee, wonder why, given a name like that!)

Sounds like you've got great communication!

It must be nice to be able to account for how long you're out. I feel like it's been a month. What do you MEAN I came out yesterday, and was here two days before that??? Gosh.

We absolutely have separate memory, though we can access the memories of others. We just have no attachment to those memories. It's like watching a movie.

Oh yes. It's been wild, being out for as long as I have been. We get to see where on our Autism Scale I rest. Curtis holds a lot of our symptoms, but I think I've got more than him. Eye contact has been a BIG ONE for me. I can't do eyes. Bleck!

Gosh, thank you so much for sharing! It's always so eye opening to me to see what's similar and what's different between my system and an Endogenic. :)

[dinocanid]

My plurality

Figured that I'd talk about my recent experience with plurality and what it's like. I had a 2nd headmate a few years ago, but they disappeared so I'm just going to talk about the present for now.

I want to preface this by saying that I am an endogenic system, not traumagenic. If that makes you uncomfortable then I kindly ask you to scroll away from this post. I’m putting the rest of it under “read more” so that’s easier to do.

I’m currently a system of only two members: myself and Amorphous (a.k.a. Ammy). We don’t have a headspace/mindscape, nor do we switch. In a way she’s always co-fronting, but she doesn’t control the body. She sees/hears/etc. all at the same time that I do. In my mind she’s a disembodied voice, similar to a conscience, and so she doesn’t really do anything on her own besides speak. I can imagine her in an IRL space, but nothing more than that. You’d never even know I was plural unless I told you.

You may have noticed me call her my “kintype/headmate”, and that’s because she was one of my past lives and now also one of my kintypes, so I get m-shifts from her. In a past life I was her, but at some point during reincarnation her soul split off and remained independent (is the current theory). She lost all of her memory of that life afterwards, so she can only remember things that I can remember from this current life. Regaining some of those past life memory has been a combined effort, and some have been recovered.

Rarely, when she wants to give input on something, she has a PK profile on Discord where she’ll tell me what she wants to say and I’ll type in for her. In the event that I get really stressed out or distressed, I’ll go into sort of a “low power mode” where my mind of on simple, essential things only and I will only forward her messages instead of spending mental energy thinking of replies myself.

I can’t pinpoint exactly when I first remember Ammy being here since as a kid I had no concept of plurality, only imaginary friends, so I can’t remember if Ammy just wasn’t around at the time or if she was and I mistook her for another one of my many imaginary friends.

I’ve stayed far away from the plural community (and still do) due to pretty bad interactions with others over the years. I’ve had people say that I’m not a system, that I was appropriating, that I was ableist, etc. all because my plurality didn’t stem from trauma. I’ve even been told that “my brain was just repressing it”. (Which is harmful btw, don’t try to convince people that they have repressed trauma when they don’t) So I kept it to myself and it was only around sometime last year that I started to open up about being plural to the kin community again. Syscourse runs rampant in a lot of spaces, and I wouldn’t touch it with a 10ft pole.

[inocyb]

Race, Identity and Dissociative Identity Disorder

Hello everyone! My name is Max. I rarely, if ever, post on here. I’ve been lurking on the Dissociative Identity Disorder and Syscourse tags just to get a feel for the community. However, after a while, I noticed the topic of racial identity and Dissociative self states (alters) being brought up in heated discussion. This got me thinking a lot, and these thoughts developed into a series of questions involving my own experience as a POC with DID. I am sharing these ramblings in order to, hopefully, get people thinking about the idea of race, racism and mental health.

So yes, I am Max. I am a 22 year old, biracial (black/white) woman diagnosed with Dissociative Identity Disorder. Race, Identity and the “self” have always been concepts I’ve found interesting; they shed some light on the human condition, culture, and the deep rooted nature of colonialist ideas that are crucial to understanding modern day society. All of these are important. One can discuss for hours the difficulty of being a POC, an already marginalized group, with a mental illness - and why there are cultural reasons that enforce the difficulty of that experience.

I won’t get into too much, but it’s hard being a POC; it’s hard as sh*t being a POC with a mental illness. There are so many factors as to why... The representation alone is severely lacking. Let’s take a brief look at the DID community; the overwhelming number of successful YouTube channels (those that have the biggest voice and therefore the most representation) are white. Even on other social media outlets, the majority of the exposure is geared towards white people. There are many reasons for this: the overwhelming difficulty of being open about a mental health condition while being a POC, society’s view on POCs and what constitutes “acceptable” representation, and the covert segragation that exists in most communities. So here’s the issue, you have people with white or “white-passing” bodies, explaining to neurotypicals (a term I don’t like) the experience of an entire, diverse, community. These representatives cannot understand the experience of a POC because of the perspective the outside world has on them. Yet, because of institutionalized racism, there is an overwhelming lack of POC systems talking about their experience while simultaneously gaining exposure.

Here is where I’ll dive into discourse. The way DID works means that every alter has the potential to appear as anything, including any “race.” However, these alters cannot truly understand the experience of said race if the body they use is of a different race, particularly white. I won’t get into colonial history here, but race is a societal construct created and maintained by a priviledged group in order to oppress others. The experience of a black person in today’s society is not defined by the color of their skin, but rather by how that skin is perceived. And perception is fabricated through generations of fallacies. Therefore, alters who exist in a white (or passing - won’t get into colorism here) body can never understand the experience of those who live a lifetime in a body that is denigrated by society. It is priviledge and ignorance to be in a white body and claim the identity of minority groups. It doesn’t matter how you see yourself inside, no one gives a sh*t, no one can prejudge you for that. Racism is founded on how other people see you, and those are the experiences that haunt minority groups every day. The experiences that will forever separate me from anyone with a white body.

- Max