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olivia-anderson-fanfic · 3 years

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Satisfied, Part 52

First

~~~

Damian had set Riddler down in the pile, and now every single one of the bats was pacing anxiously.

Except for Jason, who was pointing his guns at the Rogues at random and interrogating them.

“Where was Joker? Has anyone seen Joker? Why isn’t he around? What is he planning? How had he avoided all of us --?”

“Red Hood,” said Cass, eventually, resting a hand on his arm. “They don’t know anything.”

“They’re his teammates! They’re supposed to tell each other their plans!”

Marinette tried not to wince, shoving her hands in the pockets of her leather jacket.

“Right…” She said slowly. “Right, so, we need to split up and find him.”

“He could be anywhere by now!”

Tim shook his head, looking up from his phone. “His name hasn’t been mentioned on Twitter outside of everything at the Gala. And there’s no pictures of him from the Gala. It’s like he wasn’t even here.”

The bats exchanged wary looks. Ah, that’s kinda bad. Joker stood out in a crowd, so the only way he could get away without people even talking about him was if he was killing them. Or, somehow, he’d found a way to hide out. Both ideas were pretty terrifying.

“We should split into tiny groups, partners or whatever, and look.”

Jason was at her side in an instant, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. “I call Ladybug!”

She rolled her eyes with a slight grin playing at her lips. “Sure, I’ll take Red Hood.”

Damian, however, seemed less amused as he walked over and tugged on Marinette’s arm in an attempt to pull her away from Jason. “Dad, I’m her partner!” He complained.

“And I’m her mentor,” was his retort.

Bruce rolled his eyes. “Kids, we don’t have time--.” He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “How about this: Damian, you go with them and make sure they don’t kill anyone.”

Jason and Marinette cursed.

Dick picked up his phone and took a picture of Bruce, then grinned and sent out a tweet. “There. Hopefully Gotham will pick up the hashtag and we can get Joker coming in this direction.”

“Does he have a Twitter?”

“He’d be insane not to,” said Dick with a shrug. Everyone looked at him for a few seconds and his face flushed as realization dawned on him. “I… listen…”

Marinette saved him from the imminent embarrassment: “Right, we’re going off in that --” she jerked her head to the right “-- direction.”

Some people yelled ‘good luck’ and others variations of ‘please don’t kill anyone’ as they hopped the wall.

Marinette shook her head slightly as they started off in that direction. “I can’t believe we were out for three hours.”

“Who knows what he’s done by now.”

Damian clicked his tongue. “Are we sure this is the right direction?”

“Well, unless you were somehow wrong about my location when I was completely still for over an hour, I’d say yes,” she chirped.

“And we’re assuming that he made a beeline for the Gala,” added Jason, though he didn’t seem happy about it.

“He did,” said Marinette. She had to at least pretend like she was confident, because Damian was looking anxious and she wanted to at least try and help him.

They hopped up onto the roof of the nearest building and split off to try and get a better look at everything.

She saw something out of the corner of her eyes and frowned suspiciously, pausing in her run and turning to look at it. It was late, Gotham was always well asleep by midnight outside of criminal activity. It was nearing 3 in the morning, no one should be out.

Her eyes detected another movement and she scowled, whipping her head around to look at it.

Cass and Duke materialized out of the shadows and she breathed a sigh of relief… then tensed up. She bit the inside of her cheek.

She briefly considered throwing down a smoke bomb but, hey, they probably knew where she was going anyways. It would only work for so long. Great. Time to talk it out.

“Heeeeeey...” She murmured awkwardly. She waved for them to follow and they all picked up the pace as they ran along the rooftops. “So… it’s not what it looks like?”

Cass raised an eyebrow. “Oh?”

“Because it looks like you knew exactly what direction Joker would be in,” said Duke, sending her a tiny glare.

“Yeah, it’s not that,” she muttered.

Duke gave a slight laugh. “Alright, I’ll bite: what is it?”

“Chaaaance?” She earned two skeptical looks and she sighed. “Fine. I closed the portal before Joker could step through so Jason, Damian, and I could loop back around towards the warehouse after the Gala stuff and kill him.”

Cass nodded slightly. “And we can’t talk you out of it.”

It was more of a statement than a question, most things Cass said were, but she still answered: “Nope.”

The two sighed.

Marinette waited for the lecture, but it never came. Instead, the two broke off from her and helped look around for Joker.

She glanced to the side and saw that Jason and Damian were also talking to someone. Great, so it seemed that all the bat kids were there. She’d have to hope that her group could find Joker first, because she didn’t know how they were going to kill Joker if he had four people protecting him while he was also (probably) trying to kill them.

She slipped her fingers into her utility belt and she ran her thumb over the fox miraculous. She didn’t like the idea of using it along with the ladybug one, not so soon after what she’d nearly done to Penguin, but…

She heard someone touch ground beside her and turned her head slightly to see Tim, her hand sliding out of her belt.

He gave her a tiny smile. “Hey.”

She sighed. “Let me guess, Cass tipped you off?”

“Of course.”

“Does Bruce know?”

He shook his head slightly. “Nope, he’s still waiting for Joker at the Gala.”

She nodded. Good…

“Are you here to convince me not to kill him?”

He gave a shrug. “I probably couldn’t, to be honest.”

She nodded. That was true. Even if he gave an ultimatum, dating him or killing Joker, she would choose killing Joker. Even if she lov -- really liked him, the wellbeing of the city would always come first.

He sighed. “Right. I want us to work, so…” He tried to catch her eyes but she kept her gaze on the ground, glad to have the excuse of looking for Joker. “Could you promise me this is the last one? The last murder you intend on committing, I mean.”

She considered this for a bit.

“Because I really don’t want to have to Catwoman and Batman this relationship,” he added, his tone only half-joking.

“I don’t want to kill anyone at all, but this is really the only solution I could find. And...” She trailed off, her eyes narrowing in on the warehouse. She glanced around and saw that everyone was slowing to a stop. No one had seen Joker, then. The warehouse was their last hope.

Tim and Marinette skidded to a stop.

She looked at the sky and continued: “And… I don’t want you guys feeling guilty about the whole situation. So… go. Get Cass, Duke, and Dick and go. We can handle him.”

A hand slipped into hers and she smiled faintly.

“Hey, we’re all a family, right? You can’t do dumb stuff without us,” he said.

She finally looked over at him. “I mean…” Her eyes caught sight of movement over his shoulder and she sighed. “Okay, fine, you’ve forced my hand,” she said. She smiled faintly, gripping his hand tighter as he leaned down to kiss her.

And then she flipped him over her shoulder.

She heard two gasps as he slammed into someone, and they skid across the rooftop.

She whipped around and cursed the moment her eyes landed on Duke. Great, exactly the person she didn’t want to fight. She couldn’t beat him, she had found that out the hard way during sparring. He had this weird way of predicting her moves.

So she’d have to play dirty.

She grabbed a smoke bomb from her belt and threw it down. Smoke enveloped them and she ducked away to stop herself from coughing and giving away her location.

“Lucky charm,” she mouthed and barely avoided the giant cage falling from the sky. She glanced at the smoke cloud, and listened in for Tim and Duke. They were close together. Good. She channeled some of her strength as Ladybug and tossed it on top of them.

The smoke cleared slowly and they seemed to realize what had happened, running to the bars of the cage and struggling against them.

She ignored their curses. She had bigger problems.

She looked around.

Cass and Damian were fighting, which meant Dick and Jason were the other matchup.

She bit the inside of her cheek. Cass and Damian were pretty evenly matched, but Dick and Jason…

She sighed and listened in for any sounds…

There. The alley right next to the warehouse.

She jumped down and carefully, silently, poked her head around to see.

Dick was winning, and bad. He had years of experience on Jason, and it definitely showed. She hesitated. She didn’t know if they could beat him even if they combined their forces, but she decided that it was better to face him now than face him with Joker later.

Marinette ran into the alley and jumped on Dick’s back, wrapping her arms around his neck. He cursed and stumbled back, tugging at her grip. He dropped onto the ground, driving his elbow into her stomach. The air was sapped from her lungs and she instantly let go to cradle her stomach.

Dick scrambled off of her, only to get nailed in the head by a kick from Jason. He gave a groan and stumbled back, then shook his head as if to clear it. He rolled to his feet.

He looked between his two siblings for a moment, wiping some blood from his brow.

She launched herself at him, her hand coming up for a punch, only for him to flip out of the way. His foot came up mid-flip and slammed into her chin, sending her back a few steps. Her brain rattled around in her head as she stumbled into Jason.

The man cursed and took both of their weights. After making sure she wasn’t about to fall, he ran at Dick. The man met him head-on, grinning as he blocked his hit and slammed his foot into Jason’s side. There was a clattering sound and they both went to the ground.

Marinette managed to blink the spots out of her eyes and jumped at them, adding to the flurry of limbs. They all beat against each other (Marinette and Jason definitely hit each other a few times in the confusion) until eventually Dick managed to extract himself.

The three got to their feet and stared each other down. They were panting, bruised and bloody, and she was pretty sure they all had concussions. They didn’t even want to fight each other, not really...

But this wasn’t a subject any of them were willing to let go.

Jason suddenly rushed forward, slamming into Dick. They crashed through a window and, after a moment’s thought, she clambered inside the warehouse as well.

The two were rolling around, the glass-covered floors scratching their skin and suits, wrestling for the upper hand.

She looked around and grabbed the nearest item -- a board off of a window. She hit Dick in the side as hard as she could and he went careening into a wall. He slid to the ground slowly and didn’t move.

Marinette dropped the board and checked Jason over. It wasn’t good, but he was conscious and moving. She helped him to his feet and he gave a weak grin.

Only to hear laughter.

They looked around.

And saw Joker...

Who was holding a hand to Damian’s throat.

~~~

The fight scenes I write are progressively getting more and more technical. Don’t really know if this makes them more boring or more interesting but heyyyyy I have fun writing it soooo

Taglist

@comet-kun @thatonecroc @trippingovermyfeet @swiftie-miraculer13 @nickristus-dreamer @moongoddesskiana @i-am-ironic @indecisive-mess-named-me @thebooki3h @insane-fangirl-of-everything @deepestobservationwombat @theymakeupfairies @fatimaabbasrizvi @clumsy-owl-4178 @fanofalittletoomuch @iamablinkmarvelarmy @nathleigh @lilkymilky @silvergold-swirl @dino-lovingreen-angel @thestressmademedoit @kissa-chan @ladybug-182 @alysrose-starchild @t1dwarrior-of-earth @spyofthenightcourt @rowanrouge @nik-nak-3 @momothefemur @aestheticnpoetic @labschaos @our-preciousss @mochinek0 @eliza-bich @mythogaychic @severelyenchantedwonderland @sashakoi @smolplantmum @bluesimani @tropestropestropes @kitsunebell @keepingupwiththemalfoys @sassakitty @2confused-2doanything @too0bsessedformyowngood @all-mights-asscheeks @demonicbusiness @meg-an-ace @fantasiame @qualitypeacepainter @multplelifes @kokotaru @spicybelladonna @ultimatetornshipper @cute-angi

#timinette #timari #marinette dupain cheng #ladybug #maribat #satisfied #red robin #tim drake

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caniacwrites · 4 years

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NHL Playoff Preview - East Play-in Matchup 3/4: CAR vs NYR

Hello, and welcome back to my series preview each of the upcoming matchups for the qualifying round of the 2020 NHL playoffs! Today, we’re taking a gander at the third matchup in the Eastern Conference, the Carolina Hurricanes vs the New York Rangers.

So here we are: the write-up I’ve simultaneously been looking forward to and dreading. I feel like I should include a disclaimer here, that I grew up in Raleigh and I’ve been a Hurricanes fan all my life. I’m going to try to be as unbiased as possible (while also not overcompensating so much that I end up conveying an opposite bias), but it’s a tricky balance to strike. Also, by dint of being a Canes fan, there’s also the simple fact that I know more about Carolina than I do any other team, so I’ll likely end up giving them more focus. Still, I’ll do my best to keep it relatively even.

Ok, so first off, there’ve been a lot of jokes being made about how Carolina was one of two teams to vote against the Return to Play plan as it was proposed, that they did that because they were scared of playing against the Rangers. There was more to it than that, which I won’t go into here, but also... the joke works because it’s kind of true.

The Canes have lost 19 of their last 20 games at Madison Square Garden including both this year, en route to dropping all 4 games of the season series against the Rangers. Henrik Lundqvist has been a Cane-Killer his entire career, and unfortunately, his two young protegées Alex Georgiev and Igor Shesterkin both seem to have inherited that trait from him. So many of the Hurricanes’ recent losses to New York that I can remember were almost single-handedly won by the Rangers’ goaltender, whoever it happened to be on that particular night. And in the playoffs, running up against a hot goalie is a death sentence.

New York

Of course, the Rangers have a lot else to talk about, too. FA signing from Columbus Artemi Panarin is easily a leading candidate for the Hart with his 63 assists - tied for 2nd in the league with Connor McDavid - and 95 points. He’s shattered his previous career high by 8 points in 10 fewer games, and was on track to record 110+ in a full-length season. Mika Zibanejad has benefitted enormously from playing with Panarin, also setting a new career high in points in 25 fewer games. He’s also one of just five players in the NHL to score 40+ goals.

Panarin and Zibanejad may be the superstars, but their lineup isn’t top-heavy. The Rangers have seven players who have scored at least 40 points - two of whom are defensemen, Adam Fox and Tony DeAngelo - and four who have at least 50. Chris Kreider and Pavel Buchnevich, two speedy, strong forwards, both had great seasons, and will need to continue to be key factors for the Rangers to make a deep playoff run.

New York is still a pretty young lineup, though, and it remains to be seen if they can buckle down and play playoff hockey. If they want to succeed, they’re going to need a little more depth production from guys like 2019 2nd overall pick Kaapo Kakko and Philip Chytil.

Carolina

Like the Rangers, the Hurricanes also have a good balance of point-producing stars and bottom 6 depth. Sebastian Aho finished the shortened season with a career-high 38 goals in 68 games, up from 30 in the full 82 game season last year. If not for the virus can cancellation, he would’ve easily eclisped 40 and likely even gotten to at least 45. Even so, he was tied for 20th in the NHL in points and tied for 6th in goals.

Aho’s fellow Finn Teuvo Teravainen has also continued to be a consistent producer with 63 points.

Andrei Svechnikov, the #2 pick in the 2018 draft the year before Kakko, has also really begun to come into his own this season. He set career highs in all three offensive categories with 24 goals and 37 assists for 61 points in just 68 games, obliterating his rookie year totals of 20 goals and 17 assists for 37 points in the full 82 games.

Carolina is one of only five teams with 3 or more 60+ point scorers. The other four? Edmonton (Draisaitl, McDavid, Nugent-Hopkins), Tampa Bay (Kucherov, Stamkos, Point), Toronto (Marner, Matthews, Tavares), and Winnipeg (Connor, Scheifele, Wheeler, Laine). I don’t know about you, but I think that’s some pretty good company.

Carolina’s depth scoring has been a slight problem at times, but the acquisition of Vincent Trochek at the deadline and the return of Justin Williams were already starting to improve that in the short time before the season was cancelled.

There’s also going to be a lot of attention on the Canes’ goaltending duo Petr Mrazek and James Reimer. They’ve been very good at times but have also struggled for consistency, and it’s going to be vital that they be able to backstop the Canes from the crease.

Injuries

I’m giving this one a whole section because it’s huge. The Hurricanes are going to be getting some big pieces back from injury by the time the qualifying round begins. Brett Pesce will still be recovering from shoulder surgery, unfortunately, but Ryan Dzingel and Sami Vatanen will both be available for the start of the series vs New York.

By far the most important return for Carolina, though, will be Dougie Hamilton.

Hamilton is, to use a phrase of Tripp Tracy’s, “the straw that stirs the drink,” in so many ways. He’s a cornerstone of both special teams units, a reliable defender who also provides tons of offense. Before he got injured, he’d notched 14 goals and 40 points in 47 games and was a leading candidate to be nominated for the Norris trophy for Best Defenseman. He was on track for a career-high 20+ goals and 70+ points, until an unfortunate collision in mid-January fractured his fibula and kept him out for the rest of the shortened season. The positive impact of what his return will do for the team can’t be understated.

Defense

That leads me nicely into the next thing I wanted to touch on briefly: defense. The Rangers corps of defensemen is really good. They have some great young players in Fox, DeAngelo, and Jacob Trouba, and veterans Marc Staal and Brendan Smith to help anchor them.

But Carolina’s group is incredible, easily one of the best in the league. Jaccob Slavin is one of the most consistent players in the entire NHL. You always know what you’re going to get from him, and it’s always going to be top-tier defense. When he’s reunited with his now-healthy partner Dougie Hamilton, the Hurricanes’ top pairing has few equals.

Additionally, the acquisitions of Brady Skjei and Sami Vatanen at the deadline could make Carolina’s defensive pairs look something like this:

Slavin - Hamilton

Gardiner - Skjei

Edmundson - Vatanen

That’s an exceptional lineup that has a great balance of helping boost the offense of prodiving solid defense. And that even leaves out Trevor van Reimsdyk and Haydn Fleury as healthy scratches - both of whom have been really good this year - and of course, the injury to Brett Pesce. Carolina has a plethora of skilled defensemen, and now that they’re (almost) all going to be healthy, the Hurricanes are going to be even more dangerous than before.

Special Teams

The last thing I want to talk about before I reveal my prediction is, as usual, special teams. And honestly, it doesn’t make the final decision any easier. These teams continue to be very evenly-matched, even in the special teams department.

Thanks to their strong groups of star forwards and high-talent offensive defensemen, both teams have dangerous powerplays. The Rangers with the 7th best PP at 22.9%, and Carolina came in right under them in 8th with 22.3%. But Carolina’s PP is going to hugely benefit from returning Hamilton and Williams to the top unit and adding Trochek and Vatanen to the second unit, so I think I give them a slight edge.

There’s another reason I think that, though. The Hurricanes penalty kill is very good - 4th in the NHL, in fact, at 84%. They’re also tied for 2nd in the NHL with 10 shorthanded goals, 4 of which have been scored by Sebastian Aho. The Rangers, meanwhile, have the 9th worst PK at just 77.4%.

Final Prediction: Carolina, 3-2

Now I know what you’re thinking, of course I picked Carolina. And I admit, it is partially because that’s who I want to win. And yes, there’s the Curse of MSG to consider. But Carolina could still win the series even without winning a game in New York. The bottom line is that both of these teams are very closely matched and there’s a lot that could swing the series either way. For the Hurricanes to win, they need to capitalize on their powerplay chances to solve the Rangers goaltending, and they need Mrazek and Reimer to be at their best. If they can get those things, I think the Hurricanes will win.

Be sure to stop by tomorrow for my look at the final play-in matchup in the East, the Pittsburgh Penguins vs Montreal Canadiens!

CaniacWrites

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amtushinfosolutionspage · 6 years

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DGB Grab Bag: Ovi Face, June Hockey History, and Stop Lying about Start Times

Three Stars of Comedy

The third star: Connor McDavid makes his Cup final pick – Wait, is this an option? I really should have been doing this all year long.

The second star: Matt Niskanen’s big night – You know what, I believe him. There isn’t much else to do in Las Vegas.

The first star: Alexander Ovechkin’s face – I enjoy watching Ovechkin watch playoff games.

And that was just one of several reaction shots from this week. In fact, the only thing he apparently doesn’t react to is getting hit directly in the face with a puck:

Be It Resolved

The Golden Knights hosted the first two games of the Stanley Cup Final this week, and as you’d expect, they went all-out on the spectacle. Wednesday’s second game featured an opening ceremony that including a knight, some archers, laser drummers, and a concert by Imagine Dragons, and if you’re disappointed that you missed it then you’re in luck because I’m pretty sure it’s still going on.

We’ve covered the question of the Knights’ pregame festivities before, but let me reiterate my stance here: I’m fully on board. I’m all in. Let Montreal and Detroit and whoever else deliver solemn ceremonies that honor the game’s sacred traditions. We put a hockey team in freaking Las Vegas. Let them get weird.

But maybe, just maybe, they could remember to work in the actual game too.

This is a recurring issue with NHL games, where the start times have drifted off over the years to the point where you just expect everything to be 20 minutes late. It’s not a Vegas problem; they’re just making it worse. Or maybe better, since if you have to wait around you may as well be entertained. I’d rather watch a knight fight an airplane than listen to the broadcast team go over line matchups for the third time, and I’m betting you would too.

But I’d also rather watch some hockey, at least eventually. If that makes me the fun police, then OK. That’s kind of a weird stance for a hockey fan—”Oh, this guy actually wants to watch an NHL game, he must hate fun”—but fill your boots. I don’t doubt that this is all great if you’re one of the thousands of people in the building. But there are also millions of us at home who are patiently waiting for puck drop while this rock band works through their fourth iteration of Generic Arena Sports Anthem, so maybe get to it already.

To be clear, I’m not saying the Knights should rein in their pregame fun when the series returns to town next week. Hell, I want them to take it even further. It’s the Stanley Cup Final, so go all out. Have Wayne Newton do a set. Have David Copperfield fly around the arena. Have one of those weird puppet guys that nobody has ever heard of but have like nine giant billboards all along the strip do whatever it is they do. Find that 50-foot tall Michael Jackson robot that was supposed to be wandering the desert and let it loose. Send out Mantecore to eat Tom Wilson. You’re Vegas. There are no limits.

Just, you know, maybe figure out a reasonable start time for the game and then work backwards. Start the ceremony right now if you need to. This may end up being a once-in-a-lifetime experience, so enjoy all of it. Just don’t forget the hockey part.

Obscure Former Player of the Week

There’s a chance that this will be the last Grab Bag of the playoffs, and that by next Friday the Final will be over and we’ll have crowned a champion. If so, somebody will have scored the Stanley Cup-winning goal, joining a list of players that includes Gordie Howe, Rocket Richard, Bobby Orr and Mike Bossy (twice each), and Wayne Gretzky.

That list also includes a handful of obscure players, including this week’s pick: Wayne Merrick.

Merrick was a big center who tore up the OHL for the Ottawa 67s in the early 70s. That led to the Blues making him the ninth overall pick in the 1972 draft, which was kind of terrible apart from Bill Barber and Steve Shutt. Merrick wasn’t quite as good as those two guys, but at least he made the NHL, which is more than we can say about that year’s tenth overall pick, Al Blanchard.

Merrick debuted with the Blues that season, scored ten goals, and became a regular contributor until he was traded to the Golden Seals early in the 1975-76 season. He finished that season with a career-best 32 goals, although his numbers fell off after the Seals moved to Cleveland. So did pretty much everyone else’s, come to think of it.

Merrick lucked out in 1978 when he was traded to the Islanders in a deal for J.P. Parise (Zach’s father). That Islanders team was about to become a dynasty, winning four straight Cups from 1980 through 1983, and while Merrick was hardly a star, he played a key role while centering the “Banana Line” with Bob Nystrom and John Tonelli. He’d end up playing 95 playoff games with the team, scoring 18 goals. One of those was the Cup winner in 1981, as Merrick’s goal held up in a 5-1 win over the North Stars in the Game 5 clincher.

Merrick played for the Islanders until 1984, then retired. He finished his career with 191 goals in 774 games to go along with those four Cup rings.

Debating the Issues

This week’s debate: The NHL is 101 years old. But is it fun to learn about the league’s history?

In favor: Oh for sure. Over the course of its history, the NHL has provided us with all sorts of fascinating twists and turns, both on and off the ice. I can’t think of anything more interesting than learning all about the key moments that shaped the league we have today.

Opposed: All of that is undoubtedly true, my friend. But history can be so dull and boring. Nobody wants to comb through some dry textbook just to learn about something they enjoy.

In favor: Ah, but history doesn’t have to be dry. What if you could retrace a century of key events, but in a light-hearted and easy-to-enjoy format that placed the focus on the fun and the funny?

Opposed: That sounds great! But does such a thing exist?

In favor: Wouldn’t it be great if it did?

Opposed: Hey wait, is this feeling kind of … off? This isn’t the usual tone for this section. The whole thing seems kind of forced.

In favor: Imagine sitting down with a history of the NHL that was written for the average fan, one who wants to read all about the great moments and the bizarre ones, and everything in between.

Opposed: Like, nobody talks this way. We sound ridiculous right now.

In favor: I know I’d pay top dollar for just such a book!

Opposed: Wait, is this all just some stupid plug?

In favor: But who? Who could write such a book?

Opposed: This is pathetic.

In favor: Well, there’s good news!

Opposed: Let me guess…

In favor: The Down Goes Brown History of the NHL was announced this week, and is available now for pre-order in both Canada and the USA. Hockey fans will delight in this whimsical retelling of the league’s history, with an emphasis on the weird and wonderful. From The Rocket to Mr. Rogers, The Down Goes Brown History of the NHL tells the full story of the world’s most beautiful sport, as presented by the world’s most ridiculous league.

Opposed: Did you honestly just say “whimsical”? Literally no real person has ever used that word.

In favor: In this fun, irreverent, and fact-filled history, Sean McIndoe relates the flip side to the National Hockey League’s storied past.

Opposed: You literally just cut-and-pasted that off the book cover.

In favor: Look man, I spent a year writing this thing. I barely saw my family, I almost went blind squinting at old newspaper clippings, and they’ve sent me “one last round of edits” like six times in the last month. And after all of that, the whole thing still isn’t completely finished because the stupid Golden Knights came along and wrecked one of the last chapters. So help me out here.

Opposed: Sigh. Fine. You do what you have to do.

In favor: Thanks.

Opposed: But can we go back to complaining about instant replay review soon?

In favor: Next week after the Cup-winning goal gets waved off, I promise.

The final verdict: Well gosh, looks like we’ll all be getting our Christmas shopping done early this year!

Classic YouTube Clip Breakdown

Today is the first day of June, and there was a time when that meant that the hockey season would have been long over with. Not any more, of course—the playoffs have stretched into June for years now. So today, let’s welcome the new month by going back to the first NHL game ever played in June.

It’s June 1, 1992 and we’re in Chicago for Game 4 of the Stanley Cup Final. The Penguins are up 3-0 in the series and looking for the sweep and for their second straight Cup win. As a side note, they’re also looking for the 11th straight win in a single postseason, which would tie the record previously held by [checks notes] the 1992 Blackhawks. Huh. Maybe 1992 wasn’t the best year for parity. I’m sure nobody enjoyed it.

Our clip begins with a vaguely weird aside about how the legendary Chicago Stadium will soon be torn down and replaced with a modern arena. The Stadium really was an amazing place to watch hockey, but the weird part is that it wasn’t actually replaced for two more years, so the somber tone here feels a little premature.

Speaking of the end of the Chicago Stadium, it was the Maple Leafs who shut it down, and they did it with a 1-0 win. Eat that, Hawks fans. I’m sure nothing has happened in the ensuring quarter-century that you can throw back in my face.

The scoring starts less than two minutes in when Jaromir Jagr rips a shot that makes Eddie Belfour do an adorable pirouette. Wow, one goal, I wonder if Mike Keenan will pull him, we all joke to ourselves. Yeah, hold that thought.

The Blackhawks tie it up a few minutes later, as Dirk Graham cuts across the zone and beats Tom Barrasso. I know that whenever we do these old 80s or early 90s games, we always beat the whole “goaltending was terrible back then” observation into the ground, but go back and rewatch this goal. Graham basically moves from the inside edge of one faceoff circle to the other—like maybe ten feet total—and Barrasso is reduced to having to do a sideways bunny hop to stay with him, then falls down as soon as he makes the first save. And remember, Barrasso was a borderline Hall-of-Famer. This is just how goalies moved back then. In hindsight, it’s amazing every game didn’t end up being 13-12.

On a related note, the previous game of this final was a 1-0 Penguins win. I’m not sure anything about early 90s hockey made any sense other than Mario Lemieux was good and if you fought Wendel Clark your face would explode. Other than that, you were on your own.

The Penguins come right back a few seconds later with a Kevin Stevens goal. “Ah, look out Loretta.” Did I mention that our play-by-play guy here is Mike Lange? You probably figured that part out on your own.

The Stevens goal spells the end for Belfour, which gives us the opportunity to remember that their backup was goofy European weirdo Dominik Hasek, who at this point is 28 and not very good. Two years later he’ll win the first of six Vezinas. Seriously, my “early 90s hockey made no sense” theory might be on to something.

Lange is telling us a story about Hasek being drafted in 1983 “when it wasn’t real fashionable to draft people,” at which point the Blackhawks score to make it 2-2. I know the goal interrupts Lange just as he was going to make a point about drafting Europeans, but I prefer to imagine he had completed his thought and that it was just unfashionable to draft anyone at all in 1983. (For one team, that was actually true.)

The Penguins regain the lead as Lemieux and Hasek perform a short play entitled “What the Nagano shootout should have looked like.” But Graham comes right back with his hat trick goal, and we’re tied again. At this point we have one of those fun old-hockey-highlights moments where you realize it’s still the first period and remember how much fun this sport is when everyone’s defensive strategy was “Screw defense, I’d rather score.”

Rick Tocchet somehow overcomes the ferocious backchecking of a young Jeremy Roenick to make it 4-3 early in the second. But Roenick makes amends with a fluky goal late in the period, and we head to the third tied again.

It’s always fun during a high-scoring highlights package when the guy putting the clips together is like “Oh yeah, I should probably work in one save.” In this case it’s Lemieux getting a breakaway, only to be robbed by a sprawling Hasek. Maybe scratch that thought about if Mario had been in Nagano. Not because of this save, just because I realized Marc Crawford probably would have had Eric Desjardins shoot instead.

Larry Murphy gives the Pens their fifth lead of the game, and this time they manage to pad it when Ron Francis “beats goaltender Hasek like a rented mule.” The good: Mike Lange. The bad: Every play-by-play guy from the next 25 years who convinced himself his catchphrases were as funny as Mike Lange’s.

Roenick makes it 6-5 off a feed from Stu Grimson with nine minutes left. Why yes, The Grim Reaper was still getting a regular shift with nine minutes left and his team trailing in a Cup Final elimination game. And it paid off. The early 90s. Sense made? None.

But that’s all the Hawks would get, as we cut ahead to the dying seconds. Lange does that wonderful play-by-play thing where he starts in with his “we win” call but then realizes he’s a few second early and has to backtrack. But he makes up for it with his all-time classic “Lord Stanley, Lord Stanley, bring me the brandy” call.

Wait, is it me or did he actually say “get me the brandy”? I’m pretty sure he did. This is like finding out that Sherlock Holmes never said “Elementary, my dear Watson” in any of the books. I swear, if it turns out Lange never asked us to sneak up and mutilate him with a hacksaw I’m going to question everything from my childhood.

And that’s it for our clip. The Penguins win the Cup, and the season ends just hours into June. And in case you were wondering why the season stretched on so long in 1992, it’s because there was a ten-day player strike just before the playoffs. A work stoppage, hockey being played in June, and a Blackhawks/Penguins matchup? Man, no wonder Gary Bettman couldn’t wait to get on board a few months later.

Have a question, suggestion, old YouTube clip, or anything else you’d like to see included in this column? Email Sean at [email protected].

DGB Grab Bag: Ovi Face, June Hockey History, and Stop Lying about Start Times syndicated from https://australiahoverboards.wordpress.com

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flauntpage · 6 years

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DGB Grab Bag: Ovi Face, June Hockey History, and Stop Lying about Start Times

Three Stars of Comedy

The third star: Connor McDavid makes his Cup final pick – Wait, is this an option? I really should have been doing this all year long.

The second star: Matt Niskanen's big night – You know what, I believe him. There isn't much else to do in Las Vegas.

The first star: Alexander Ovechkin's face – I enjoy watching Ovechkin watch playoff games.

And that was just one of several reaction shots from this week. In fact, the only thing he apparently doesn't react to is getting hit directly in the face with a puck:

Be It Resolved

The Golden Knights hosted the first two games of the Stanley Cup Final this week, and as you'd expect, they went all-out on the spectacle. Wednesday's second game featured an opening ceremony that including a knight, some archers, laser drummers, and a concert by Imagine Dragons, and if you're disappointed that you missed it then you're in luck because I'm pretty sure it's still going on.

We've covered the question of the Knights' pregame festivities before, but let me reiterate my stance here: I'm fully on board. I'm all in. Let Montreal and Detroit and whoever else deliver solemn ceremonies that honor the game's sacred traditions. We put a hockey team in freaking Las Vegas. Let them get weird.

But maybe, just maybe, they could remember to work in the actual game too.

This is a recurring issue with NHL games, where the start times have drifted off over the years to the point where you just expect everything to be 20 minutes late. It's not a Vegas problem; they're just making it worse. Or maybe better, since if you have to wait around you may as well be entertained. I'd rather watch a knight fight an airplane than listen to the broadcast team go over line matchups for the third time, and I'm betting you would too.

But I'd also rather watch some hockey, at least eventually. If that makes me the fun police, then OK. That's kind of a weird stance for a hockey fan—"Oh, this guy actually wants to watch an NHL game, he must hate fun"—but fill your boots. I don't doubt that this is all great if you're one of the thousands of people in the building. But there are also millions of us at home who are patiently waiting for puck drop while this rock band works through their fourth iteration of Generic Arena Sports Anthem, so maybe get to it already.

To be clear, I'm not saying the Knights should rein in their pregame fun when the series returns to town next week. Hell, I want them to take it even further. It's the Stanley Cup Final, so go all out. Have Wayne Newton do a set. Have David Copperfield fly around the arena. Have one of those weird puppet guys that nobody has ever heard of but have like nine giant billboards all along the strip do whatever it is they do. Find that 50-foot tall Michael Jackson robot that was supposed to be wandering the desert and let it loose. Send out Mantecore to eat Tom Wilson. You're Vegas. There are no limits.

Obscure Former Player of the Week

There's a chance that this will be the last Grab Bag of the playoffs, and that by next Friday the Final will be over and we'll have crowned a champion. If so, somebody will have scored the Stanley Cup-winning goal, joining a list of players that includes Gordie Howe, Rocket Richard, Bobby Orr and Mike Bossy (twice each), and Wayne Gretzky.

That list also includes a handful of obscure players, including this week's pick: Wayne Merrick.

Merrick was a big center who tore up the OHL for the Ottawa 67s in the early 70s. That led to the Blues making him the ninth overall pick in the 1972 draft, which was kind of terrible apart from Bill Barber and Steve Shutt. Merrick wasn't quite as good as those two guys, but at least he made the NHL, which is more than we can say about that year's tenth overall pick, Al Blanchard.

Merrick lucked out in 1978 when he was traded to the Islanders in a deal for J.P. Parise (Zach's father). That Islanders team was about to become a dynasty, winning four straight Cups from 1980 through 1983, and while Merrick was hardly a star, he played a key role while centering the "Banana Line" with Bob Nystrom and John Tonelli. He'd end up playing 95 playoff games with the team, scoring 18 goals. One of those was the Cup winner in 1981, as Merrick's goal held up in a 5-1 win over the North Stars in the Game 5 clincher.

Merrick played for the Islanders until 1984, then retired. He finished his career with 191 goals in 774 games to go along with those four Cup rings.

Debating the Issues

This week’s debate: The NHL is 101 years old. But is it fun to learn about the league's history?

In favor: Oh for sure. Over the course of its history, the NHL has provided us with all sorts of fascinating twists and turns, both on and off the ice. I can't think of anything more interesting than learning all about the key moments that shaped the league we have today.

Opposed: All of that is undoubtedly true, my friend. But history can be so dull and boring. Nobody wants to comb through some dry textbook just to learn about something they enjoy.

In favor: Ah, but history doesn't have to be dry. What if you could retrace a century of key events, but in a light-hearted and easy-to-enjoy format that placed the focus on the fun and the funny?

Opposed: That sounds great! But does such a thing exist?

In favor: Wouldn't it be great if it did?

Opposed: Hey wait, is this feeling kind of … off? This isn't the usual tone for this section. The whole thing seems kind of forced.

In favor: Imagine sitting down with a history of the NHL that was written for the average fan, one who wants to read all about the great moments and the bizarre ones, and everything in between.

Opposed: Like, nobody talks this way. We sound ridiculous right now.

In favor: I know I'd pay top dollar for just such a book!

Opposed: Wait, is this all just some stupid plug?

In favor: But who? Who could write such a book?

Opposed: This is pathetic.

In favor: Well, there's good news!

Opposed: Let me guess…

In favor: The Down Goes Brown History of the NHL was announced this week, and is available now for pre-order in both Canada and the USA. Hockey fans will delight in this whimsical retelling of the league's history, with an emphasis on the weird and wonderful. From The Rocket to Mr. Rogers, The Down Goes Brown History of the NHL tells the full story of the world's most beautiful sport, as presented by the world's most ridiculous league.

Opposed: Did you honestly just say "whimsical"? Literally no real person has ever used that word.

In favor: In this fun, irreverent, and fact-filled history, Sean McIndoe relates the flip side to the National Hockey League's storied past.

Opposed: You literally just cut-and-pasted that off the book cover.

In favor: Look man, I spent a year writing this thing. I barely saw my family, I almost went blind squinting at old newspaper clippings, and they've sent me "one last round of edits" like six times in the last month. And after all of that, the whole thing still isn't completely finished because the stupid Golden Knights came along and wrecked one of the last chapters. So help me out here.

Opposed: Sigh. Fine. You do what you have to do.

In favor: Thanks.

Opposed: But can we go back to complaining about instant replay review soon?

In favor: Next week after the Cup-winning goal gets waved off, I promise.

The final verdict: Well gosh, looks like we'll all be getting our Christmas shopping done early this year!

Classic YouTube Clip Breakdown

Today is the first day of June, and there was a time when that meant that the hockey season would have been long over with. Not any more, of course—the playoffs have stretched into June for years now. So today, let's welcome the new month by going back to the first NHL game ever played in June.

It's June 1, 1992 and we're in Chicago for Game 4 of the Stanley Cup Final. The Penguins are up 3-0 in the series and looking for the sweep and for their second straight Cup win. As a side note, they're also looking for the 11th straight win in a single postseason, which would tie the record previously held by [checks notes] the 1992 Blackhawks. Huh. Maybe 1992 wasn't the best year for parity. I'm sure nobody enjoyed it.

Our clip begins with a vaguely weird aside about how the legendary Chicago Stadium will soon be torn down and replaced with a modern arena. The Stadium really was an amazing place to watch hockey, but the weird part is that it wasn't actually replaced for two more years, so the somber tone here feels a little premature.

Speaking of the end of the Chicago Stadium, it was the Maple Leafs who shut it down, and they did it with a 1-0 win. Eat that, Hawks fans. I'm sure nothing has happened in the ensuring quarter-century that you can throw back in my face.

The Blackhawks tie it up a few minutes later, as Dirk Graham cuts across the zone and beats Tom Barrasso. I know that whenever we do these old 80s or early 90s games, we always beat the whole "goaltending was terrible back then" observation into the ground, but go back and rewatch this goal. Graham basically moves from the inside edge of one faceoff circle to the other—like maybe ten feet total—and Barrasso is reduced to having to do a sideways bunny hop to stay with him, then falls down as soon as he makes the first save. And remember, Barrasso was a borderline Hall-of-Famer. This is just how goalies moved back then. In hindsight, it's amazing every game didn't end up being 13-12.

On a related note, the previous game of this final was a 1-0 Penguins win. I'm not sure anything about early 90s hockey made any sense other than Mario Lemieux was good and if you fought Wendel Clark your face would explode. Other than that, you were on your own.

The Penguins come right back a few seconds later with a Kevin Stevens goal. "Ah, look out Loretta." Did I mention that our play-by-play guy here is Mike Lange? You probably figured that part out on your own.

The Stevens goal spells the end for Belfour, which gives us the opportunity to remember that their backup was goofy European weirdo Dominik Hasek, who at this point is 28 and not very good. Two years later he'll win the first of six Vezinas. Seriously, my "early 90s hockey made no sense" theory might be on to something.

Lange is telling us a story about Hasek being drafted in 1983 "when it wasn't real fashionable to draft people," at which point the Blackhawks score to make it 2-2. I know the goal interrupts Lange just as he was going to make a point about drafting Europeans, but I prefer to imagine he had completed his thought and that it was just unfashionable to draft anyone at all in 1983. (For one team, that was actually true.)

The Penguins regain the lead as Lemieux and Hasek perform a short play entitled "What the Nagano shootout should have looked like." But Graham comes right back with his hat trick goal, and we're tied again. At this point we have one of those fun old-hockey-highlights moments where you realize it's still the first period and remember how much fun this sport is when everyone's defensive strategy was "Screw defense, I'd rather score."

It's always fun during a high-scoring highlights package when the guy putting the clips together is like "Oh yeah, I should probably work in one save." In this case it's Lemieux getting a breakaway, only to be robbed by a sprawling Hasek. Maybe scratch that thought about if Mario had been in Nagano. Not because of this save, just because I realized Marc Crawford probably would have had Eric Desjardins shoot instead.

Larry Murphy gives the Pens their fifth lead of the game, and this time they manage to pad it when Ron Francis "beats goaltender Hasek like a rented mule." The good: Mike Lange. The bad: Every play-by-play guy from the next 25 years who convinced himself his catchphrases were as funny as Mike Lange's.

But that's all the Hawks would get, as we cut ahead to the dying seconds. Lange does that wonderful play-by-play thing where he starts in with his "we win" call but then realizes he's a few second early and has to backtrack. But he makes up for it with his all-time classic "Lord Stanley, Lord Stanley, bring me the brandy" call.

Wait, is it me or did he actually say "get me the brandy"? I'm pretty sure he did. This is like finding out that Sherlock Holmes never said "Elementary, my dear Watson" in any of the books. I swear, if it turns out Lange never asked us to sneak up and mutilate him with a hacksaw I'm going to question everything from my childhood.

And that's it for our clip. The Penguins win the Cup, and the season ends just hours into June. And in case you were wondering why the season stretched on so long in 1992, it's because there was a ten-day player strike just before the playoffs. A work stoppage, hockey being played in June, and a Blackhawks/Penguins matchup? Man, no wonder Gary Bettman couldn't wait to get on board a few months later.

Have a question, suggestion, old YouTube clip, or anything else you'd like to see included in this column? Email Sean at [email protected].

DGB Grab Bag: Ovi Face, June Hockey History, and Stop Lying about Start Times published first on https://footballhighlightseurope.tumblr.com/

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thrashermaxey · 6 years

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Ramblings: Demko, Tolvanen and Mittelstadt Debut (Apr 1)

Earlier this week I discussed the importance of goals-for percentage as it relates to future playoff success, specifically citing a 52.5% GF% as the cut-off for true contender status. This led to a good discussion about strength of schedule and how it might relate to a team’s ability to clear that cut-off, specifically looking at the disparity in talent between the Atlantic and the Metro divisions.

I really don’t believe that strength of schedule has much impact. The parity in the league is to the point that anyone can win on any given night. Look at ESPN’s strength of schedule metric. There’s barely any disparity between teams. Even though Boston, Toronto, and Tampa Bay will have played extra games against bad teams at the bottom of their division, they’ll also have played each other more often. Plus, Florida is no longer a joke.

You can use all sorts of anecdotes to prove your point one way or the other. At the end of the day, everyone is beating up on the Atlantic. An extra game here or there hasn’t made a big difference. Want something palpable? Look at how the Atlantic’s top teams have fared against the West, compared to how the Metro’s best have fared. That’s where the real disparity lies.

Bottom line, you can only beat the team that is in front of you. Consistently doing so over the course of 82 games is how you prove yourself a true contender. The Atlantic’s best have done it. The Metro’s best haven’t as yet.

While we are on the topic of playoffs, Travis Yost had an interesting piece on the importance of regular season head-to-head performance for predicting playoff outcomes. I looked at head-to-head record when I did my deep dive on playoff outcomes a few years back but didn’t derive the same predictability as I did from goal differential, so I dropped the idea. Yost’s article digs much deeper:

The tricky part is that we’re looking at only a handful of games, which means relatively small samples of data. To really tease out how teams have performed against one another, we can look at two varying measures – the percentage of total scoring chances in a team's favour and the percentage of total goals in a team's favour.

It’s an interesting idea, and I wondered how head-to-head scoring chance percentage has done over the past few seasons in terms of predicting outcomes of playoff series. As it turns out, not particularly well. Teams that held a scoring chance advantage through their regular season matchups won only 55% of their playoff matchups. That’s better than nothing, but not better than what goals-for differential can do.

Explosive return to the lineup for Jake DeBrusk who rejoined the second line with David Krejci and red-hot Ryan Donato. DeBrusk and Krejci both notched three points, while Donato had two to run his point total to seven points in seven games.

The Bruins have seemingly endless waves of young talent to throw at opponents. They’re the team I’ll try to load up on in playoff pools. It may prove challenging to land more than one guy off their top line, but you could likely corner the market on their depth options if you are willing to reach a little.

Brandon Carlo had to be stretchered off after this fall:

{source}<blockquote class="twitter-tweet" data-lang="en"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">Brandon Carlo lands awkwardly on his left ankle and gets stretchered off the ice <a href="https://t.co/lcISiyxbW2">pic.twitter.com/lcISiyxbW2</a></p>— Pete Blackburn (@PeteBlackburn) <a href="https://twitter.com/PeteBlackburn/status/980166682688843777?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">March 31, 2018</a></blockquote>

Either Carlo is Gumby or his season is done. Indeed, it appears that Carlo is out indefinitely with a broken leg.

The Bruins also lost Riley Nash after taking a shot to the head.

The Wild lost Ryan Suter to a leg injury as well:

{source} <blockquote class="twitter-tweet" data-lang="en"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">Ryan Suter's foot goes into the boards awkwardly. He needed to be helped off the ice. <a href="https://twitter.com/hashtag/mnwild?src=hash&ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">#mnwild</a> <a href="https://t.co/Q2G79preAv">pic.twitter.com/Q2G79preAv</a></p>— Giles Ferrell (@gilesferrell) <a href="https://twitter.com/gilesferrell/status/980258476361420800?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">April 1, 2018</a></blockquote>

This one doesn’t look quite as bad but could really hinder their playoff hopes if Suter is diminished or misses any time. With Jared Spurgeon already out, you’re looking at losing the entirety of a top pair that consistently chewed 25+ minutes a night.

Taylor Hall is awesome, but also the Islanders’ defense is terrible:

{source}<blockquote class="twitter-tweet" data-lang="en"><p lang="und" dir="ltr"> <a href="https://twitter.com/hallsy09?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">@hallsy09</a> <a href="https://t.co/C8XXccTKao">pic.twitter.com/C8XXccTKao</a></p>— NHL GIFs (@NHLGIFs) <a href="https://twitter.com/NHLGIFs/status/980240676762812416?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">April 1, 2018</a></blockquote>

26 saves on 30 shots and a win for Thatcher Demko in his NHL debut. Demko has boasted some solid numbers in the AHL this season, boasting a .921 save percentage.

After two years in the minors you have to figure that Demko is ready to take another step. If the Canucks were closer to seriously competing perhaps it would make sense to bring Demko up sooner, but since they aren’t he’d be better off continuing to get regular action in the AHL than making the Canucks as a backup next season. However, as we have seen in Colorado and New Jersey teams can turn around faster than you might think so perhaps he could get dragged up by mid-season next year.

One assist for Casey Mittelstadt in his debut. He skated 14 minutes centering the third line and second PP unit. Not a bad spot, but not a great one either.

A hat-trick for Sam Reinhart gives him 34 points in the last 34 games, which all kicked off after the Sabres’ bye week. A big reason for his second-half tear has been the Sabres’ rediscovery of power play excellence. 14 of Reinhart’s points in this run have come with the man-advantage, helping him to career highs in PP goals (11) and PP points (20). A full season of PP production like this could lead to a breakout, but we also said that last season.

Five assists for Jack Eichel vaulting him to a new career high with 62 points. Amazing that this is a career high since he’s nearly been a point-per-game guy for two straight years. Those pesky injuries will catch up to you, however.

No points or shots even for Eeli Tolvanen in his NHL debut. He skated 13:34 getting a cameo on the top line with Filip Forsberg given the night off. Tolvanen might stick on that top line if Viktor Arvidsson’s injury proves serious, as the forward was forced from last night’s game.

Tough times for the Avalanche:

{source}<blockquote class="twitter-tweet" data-cards="hidden" data-lang="en"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">Semyon Varlamov has a lower body injury and is out for the season.<br><br>Erik Johnson has a fractured patella and is out six weeks. <a href="https://t.co/o7TIcLyDnW">pic.twitter.com/o7TIcLyDnW</a></p>— Colorado Avalanche (@Avalanche) <a href="https://twitter.com/Avalanche/status/980145632492089344?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">March 31, 2018</a></blockquote>

This is not the first time they have been forced to weather injuries to Semyon Varlamov and Erik Johnson, but it nonetheless makes their task ahead more challenging. Even if they survive to make the playoffs they’ll be in tough without these vets.

Interesting look at how today is the golden age for ironman streaks in the NHL:

Four of the 10 longest streaks in NHL history were active at the start of the 2017-18 season. Anaheim Ducks forward Andrew Cogliano's streak ended at 830 games earlier this season — because of suspension — and Pittsburgh Penguins winger Phil Kessel is fast approaching 700 consecutive games, too. Meanwhile Montreal Canadiens defenseman Karl Alzner comes in at 12th all time, with a streak that hit 600 consecutive games earlier this season.

Keith Yandle and Patrick Marleau are the other two guys with active streaks among the 10 longest in history. It’s certainly a boon to the fantasy value of Yandle, Marleau and Kessel that they don’t miss games.

I don’t know that the league is changing to make it easier for these guys to accomplish these feats. Of all the arguments made in this piece, what was missed was expansion. The player pool being so much larger increases the odds of having multiple outliers. At the end of the day, that’s what these guys are: outliers.

Jeff Veillette had the most thorough and important piece on the MVP discussion that you’ll find:

This lines up with the trope we all know, that a goaltender is the backbone of a hockey team. They can steal you wins on bad nights and cost you points on good ones, and everything in between; so much of the score, and in the long term, the standings, relies on how they stop the puck.

So, if you really believe that the Hart Trophy needs to stay strict to the Most Valuable Player To Their Team definition, and you believe that playoff status is key to this argument, we should probably throw skaters out of the conversation entirely. Goalies dominate in this regard; you’re basically looking at the GSAA leader, or the goalie with the highest GSAA that keeps their team from going into a negative goal difference (or, a worse one if they have one already).

Everyone has their own criteria to define value, but if you take a literal approach, goalies have the most impact on the game. They are the only players to play all 60 minutes and have a direct hand in controlling just how many goals the opposition can score. I prefer an abstract approach, but I think you have to acknowledge the import of goalies before you can make any other argument.

Thanks for reading! You can follow me on Twitter @SteveLaidlaw.

from All About Sports https://dobberhockey.com/hockey-rambling/ramblings-demko-tolvanen-and-mittelstadt-debut-apr-1/

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flauntpage · 6 years

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A Bandwagon Guide to the Unlikely Capitals-Golden Knights Stanley Cup Final

So you're not a fan of the Washington Capitals or Vegas Golden Knights, huh? You don't have any interest in watching them play for a championship, huh? Stanley Cup Final ratings year after year indicate the neutral observer would rather watch Scrubs reruns than a game involving two teams he or she doesn't care about but maybe that's because nobody has given you a compelling case to hop on a bandwagon.

This year's Super Bowl involved the New England Patriots and Philadelphia Eagles, which was like choosing between watching your parents ripped apart by bears or Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull; no matter what happened, you were going to be irrevocably psychologically damaged. With the Capitals and Golden Knights, we get to pick between two likable teams looking to cap off unexpected championship seasons.

The only proper way to decide your allegiances is to look at what the Capitals and Knights offer and hitching your wagon to the team you want to call your own for a couple weeks. Let's break down each team in some very important categories that were not chosen specifically as vessels for jokes. How dare you even think that?

THE CITIES

On one hand you have Washington, a city without any casinos, sports books or a mass transit system that runs after the sun goes down. On the other hand, you have Las Vegas, which hasn't shut down since it opened.

Which is better? Each city is a place filled with people looking to hustle you out of your hard-earned money but at least Las Vegas gives you free booze while they do it.

THE DOUCHEBAGS

On one hand you have Tom Wilson, a player without any conscience, regard for human life or the power to keep his city's mass transit system running after the sun goes down. On the other hand, you have... James Neal? He did knee Brad Marchand in the head that one time. Alex Tuch wore a border control costume this Halloween, which is extremely douchey.

Which douchebag is bigger? Wilson has run more people into the ground than a sadistic cross country coach and doesn't seem to give two shits about it, so it's another easy answer.

THE BELEAGUERED STARS WITH SOMETHING TO PROVE

Alex Ovechkin has taken the blame for everything wrong with Washington since he arrived in 2005. The playoff failures, the participation banners hung in the arena, Nicklas Backstrom's failures, the outdoor game uniforms, government shutdowns, Kirk Cousins' contract situation and departure, the lack of a mass transit system that runs after the sun goes down, Dan Snyder's existence and the Capitals' lack of a Stanley Cup. With four more wins, Ovechkin can play the rest of his career and chase the all-time goals record in peace.

Marc-Andre Fleury has three championships—one as a starter, one as a backup, and one as a helper—but was cast aside in Pittsburgh after last season when Matt Murray took his job and made him expendable. Fleury was the scapegoat for the Penguins' failures between 2010 and 2013, which means a Conn Smythe Trophy and Stanley Cup would complete his redemption story.

Who is more worthy of your love? Fleury lost his job fair and square in Pittsburgh and come on, he has three Cups. Ovechkin has zero and who knows if he ever gets this far again. You should be pulling very hard for Ovechkin.

FAN BASES MOST UPSET BY THE OUTCOME

If the Capitals finally win a Cup, the most pissed off people will be Penguins fans and Rangers fans; Penguins fans have forged an identity through laughing at the Capitals and that will go away completely. Rangers fans have the goaltending version of Ovechkin, and if the real Ovechkin wins a Cup, that shines (an equally dumb and unfair) spotlight on Henrik Lundqvist's lack of a Cup.

If the Golden Knights win a Cup in their first season, it will piss off [Gary Oldman in The Professional voice] EVERYONE. I believe it should be something to be celebrated by everyone but I know it won't be. Fans across North America will spend the offseason wandering the streets, lost, confused, muttering to themselves about a rigged expansion draft.

Which is better for you? This really comes down to how much you hate the Penguins and Rangers, which, based on my online experience, is a lot. If you have those fans in your life, sure, I get why you want them to suffer. But what's best for everyone is chaos, and that's what Vegas winning the Cup will provide. This decision is between you and your heart.

CANADA'S LEVEL OF ANGER

If Canada can no longer hold the whole no Cups thing over Ovechkin, the nation may collapse. The Ovechkin Isn't A Winner takes make up 45 percent of the Canadian economy and there's no telling what a collapse like that will do to the global markets. Does Don Cherry have enough money saved in the event of an Ovechkin Take Crisis?

It's been 25 years since a Canadian franchise has hoisted the Cup and there's no telling what a first-year franchise in a desert community winning it will do to Canada. My guess is Canada is so numb to losing the Cup every year that the acceptance of American hockey dominance happened a long time ago and they won't even feel it when Deryk Engelland takes the Cup from Gary Bettman.

Which is better for you? I lean toward Ovechkin winning the Cup, because it will lead to a whole bunch of people apologizing or inventing new crazy takes to survive. "Ovechkin has one Cup... but he should have more!" "Ovechkin's Cup came against an expansion team, and that's why it shouldn't count!" There's way more upside to a Capitals championship.

SHIT YELLED DURING THE NATIONAL ANTHEM

During the sacred ritual that is singing America's theme song before a sports game, each teams' fans scream one of the lyrics during home games. In Vegas, it's "gave proof through the KNIGHT" because of the Golden Knights and in Washington it's "rockets' RED glare" because the Capitals have the color red in their uniforms. So when Seattle joins the league and becomes the Vampire Wolves, they will go with, "At the TWILIGHT'S last gleaming."

Which is better? Neither! What are you people doing? Either sing the entire song from start to finish or keep your traps shut. Every fan base is looking for some gimmick during the anthem and they are all stupid. Rangers fans mumble a disorganized "LET'S GO RANGERS" and Jets fans scream "TRUE NORTH" during "O Canada" to honor the corporation that owns the Jets, which seems like a gag they'd do on Silicon Valley at Hooli. How long before Flyers fans start yelling "BROAD stripes" at home games? This is a PUSH (I was listening to Matchbox Twenty while writing this).

PREGAME ARENA SHOWS

Vegas offers a free Medieval Time show before every game where a fancy knight on skates has a sword fight with a person or something like a jet plane. I have no idea what even happens in Washington. Does a guy dress like Ben Franklin and read from the Constitution? Who cares?

Which is better? Unless the Capitals get some dudes with muskets shooting at each other, this is a no-brainer.

TEAM SLOGANS

It's #ALLCAPS vs #VegasBorn in what has to be the dorkiest hashtag matchup in Final history. Of course you're "Vegas Born"—your team was born in Vegas. What sort of lazy-ass slogan is that? What stops any other team from doing this? I guess all the relocating. Yeah, that's the answer to that question. I take it back.

Which is better? All earnest hashtags are bad. That's the lesson here.

WHICH OUTCOME IS FUNNIER

The Capitals finally getting a Cup with what is objectively a worse team than they had the previous two years is hilarious. Barry Trotz pooped all over Kevin Shattenkirk this season and essentially blamed him for the Capitals' losing in the second round last year and it turns out maybe he had a point. Braden Holtby was so bad that he wasn't even the starter when the playoffs began and now he has a chance at winning the Conn Smythe. There are a lot of laughs packed into a potential Washington victory.

But the Golden Knights winning it all in their first year is the Monty Python and the Holy Grail (or whatever movie you find really funny, I don't care) of sports comedy. You won't ever laugh like this in your life. Literally nobody—not me, not you, not team owner Bill Foley—thought this was possible and now the Knights are favorites in the Cup Final.

And this last answer is all that matters. You should be pulling for Vegas. Thinking about every NHL GM staring at his TV as Brayden McNabb hands the Cup to Luca Sbisa, who hands it to Ryan Reaves, who hands it to Colin Miller, who hands it to Jonathan Marchessault and Reilly Smith at the same time, who put down the Cup and hold up a sign that reads, "THANK YOU DALE" is something too good to pass up.

There's plenty to enjoy about a Caps win but nothing in the history of hockey will be more pleasurable than the Vegas Golden Knights being crowned Stanley Cup champs.

This article originally appeared on VICE Sports CA.

A Bandwagon Guide to the Unlikely Capitals-Golden Knights Stanley Cup Final published first on https://footballhighlightseurope.tumblr.com/

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flauntpage · 6 years

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A Bandwagon Guide to the Unlikely Capitals-Golden Knights Stanley Cup Final

THE CITIES

Which is better? Each city is a place filled with people looking to hustle you out of your hard-earned money but at least Las Vegas gives you free booze while they do it.

THE DOUCHEBAGS

Which douchebag is bigger? Wilson has run more people into the ground than a sadistic cross country coach and doesn't seem to give two shits about it, so it's another easy answer.

THE BELEAGUERED STARS WITH SOMETHING TO PROVE

FAN BASES MOST UPSET BY THE OUTCOME

CANADA'S LEVEL OF ANGER

SHIT YELLED DURING THE NATIONAL ANTHEM

PREGAME ARENA SHOWS

Which is better? Unless the Capitals get some dudes with muskets shooting at each other, this is a no-brainer.

TEAM SLOGANS

Which is better? All earnest hashtags are bad. That's the lesson here.

WHICH OUTCOME IS FUNNIER

There's plenty to enjoy about a Caps win but nothing in the history of hockey will be more pleasurable than the Vegas Golden Knights being crowned Stanley Cup champs.

This article originally appeared on VICE Sports CA.

A Bandwagon Guide to the Unlikely Capitals-Golden Knights Stanley Cup Final published first on https://footballhighlightseurope.tumblr.com/

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amtushinfosolutionspage · 6 years

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A Bandwagon Guide to the Unlikely Capitals-Golden Knights Stanley Cup Final

So you’re not a fan of the Washington Capitals or Vegas Golden Knights, huh? You don’t have any interest in watching them play for a championship, huh? Stanley Cup Final ratings year after year indicate the neutral observer would rather watch Scrubs reruns than a game involving two teams he or she doesn’t care about but maybe that’s because nobody has given you a compelling case to hop on a bandwagon.

This year’s Super Bowl involved the New England Patriots and Philadelphia Eagles, which was like choosing between watching your parents ripped apart by bears or Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull; no matter what happened, you were going to be irrevocably psychologically damaged. With the Capitals and Golden Knights, we get to pick between two likable teams looking to cap off unexpected championship seasons.

The only proper way to decide your allegiances is to look at what the Capitals and Knights offer and hitching your wagon to the team you want to call your own for a couple weeks. Let’s break down each team in some very important categories that were not chosen specifically as vessels for jokes. How dare you even think that?

THE CITIES

On one hand you have Washington, a city without any casinos, sports books or a mass transit system that runs after the sun goes down. On the other hand, you have Las Vegas, which hasn’t shut down since it opened.

Which is better? Each city is a place filled with people looking to hustle you out of your hard-earned money but at least Las Vegas gives you free booze while they do it.

THE DOUCHEBAGS

On one hand you have Tom Wilson, a player without any conscience, regard for human life or the power to keep his city’s mass transit system running after the sun goes down. On the other hand, you have… James Neal? He did knee Brad Marchand in the head that one time. Alex Tuch wore a border control costume this Halloween, which is extremely douchey.

Which douchebag is bigger? Wilson has run more people into the ground than a sadistic cross country coach and doesn’t seem to give two shits about it, so it’s another easy answer.

THE BELEAGUERED STARS WITH SOMETHING TO PROVE

Alex Ovechkin has taken the blame for everything wrong with Washington since he arrived in 2005. The playoff failures, the participation banners hung in the arena, Nicklas Backstrom’s failures, the outdoor game uniforms, government shutdowns, Kirk Cousins’ contract situation and departure, the lack of a mass transit system that runs after the sun goes down, Dan Snyder’s existence and the Capitals’ lack of a Stanley Cup. With four more wins, Ovechkin can play the rest of his career and chase the all-time goals record in peace.

Marc-Andre Fleury has three championships—one as a starter, one as a backup, and one as a helper—but was cast aside in Pittsburgh after last season when Matt Murray took his job and made him expendable. Fleury was the scapegoat for the Penguins’ failures between 2010 and 2013, which means a Conn Smythe Trophy and Stanley Cup would complete his redemption story.

FAN BASES MOST UPSET BY THE OUTCOME

If the Golden Knights win a Cup in their first season, it will piss off [Gary Oldman in The Professional voice] EVERYONE. I believe it should be something to be celebrated by everyone but I know it won’t be. Fans across North America will spend the offseason wandering the streets, lost, confused, muttering to themselves about a rigged expansion draft.

Which is better for you? This really comes down to how much you hate the Penguins and Rangers, which, based on my online experience, is a lot. If you have those fans in your life, sure, I get why you want them to suffer. But what’s best for everyone is chaos, and that’s what Vegas winning the Cup will provide. This decision is between you and your heart.

CANADA’S LEVEL OF ANGER

If Canada can no longer hold the whole no Cups thing over Ovechkin, the nation may collapse. The Ovechkin Isn’t A Winner takes make up 45 percent of the Canadian economy and there’s no telling what a collapse like that will do to the global markets. Does Don Cherry have enough money saved in the event of an Ovechkin Take Crisis?

It’s been 25 years since a Canadian franchise has hoisted the Cup and there’s no telling what a first-year franchise in a desert community winning it will do to Canada. My guess is Canada is so numb to losing the Cup every year that the acceptance of American hockey dominance happened a long time ago and they won’t even feel it when Deryk Engelland takes the Cup from Gary Bettman.

Which is better for you? I lean toward Ovechkin winning the Cup, because it will lead to a whole bunch of people apologizing or inventing new crazy takes to survive. “Ovechkin has one Cup… but he should have more!” “Ovechkin’s Cup came against an expansion team, and that’s why it shouldn’t count!” There’s way more upside to a Capitals championship.

SHIT YELLED DURING THE NATIONAL ANTHEM

During the sacred ritual that is singing America’s theme song before a sports game, each teams’ fans scream one of the lyrics during home games. In Vegas, it’s “gave proof through the KNIGHT” because of the Golden Knights and in Washington it’s “rockets’ RED glare” because the Capitals have the color red in their uniforms. So when Seattle joins the league and becomes the Vampire Wolves, they will go with, “At the TWILIGHT’S last gleaming.”

Which is better? Neither! What are you people doing? Either sing the entire song from start to finish or keep your traps shut. Every fan base is looking for some gimmick during the anthem and they are all stupid. Rangers fans mumble a disorganized “LET’S GO RANGERS” and Jets fans scream “TRUE NORTH” during “O Canada” to honor the corporation that owns the Jets, which seems like a gag they’d do on Silicon Valley at Hooli. How long before Flyers fans start yelling “BROAD stripes” at home games? This is a PUSH (I was listening to Matchbox Twenty while writing this).

PREGAME ARENA SHOWS

Which is better? Unless the Capitals get some dudes with muskets shooting at each other, this is a no-brainer.

TEAM SLOGANS

It’s #ALLCAPS vs #VegasBorn in what has to be the dorkiest hashtag matchup in Final history. Of course you’re “Vegas Born”—your team was born in Vegas. What sort of lazy-ass slogan is that? What stops any other team from doing this? I guess all the relocating. Yeah, that’s the answer to that question. I take it back.

https://sports.vice.com/en_ca/embed/article/mbxw9v/the-expansion-vegas-golden-knights-are-stanley-cup-favorites-and-make-absolutely-no-sense?utm_source=stylizedembed_sports.vice.com&utm_campaign=qvnvmd&site=sports

Which is better? All earnest hashtags are bad. That’s the lesson here.

WHICH OUTCOME IS FUNNIER

The Capitals finally getting a Cup with what is objectively a worse team than they had the previous two years is hilarious. Barry Trotz pooped all over Kevin Shattenkirk this season and essentially blamed him for the Capitals’ losing in the second round last year and it turns out maybe he had a point. Braden Holtby was so bad that he wasn’t even the starter when the playoffs began and now he has a chance at winning the Conn Smythe. There are a lot of laughs packed into a potential Washington victory.

But the Golden Knights winning it all in their first year is the Monty Python and the Holy Grail (or whatever movie you find really funny, I don’t care) of sports comedy. You won’t ever laugh like this in your life. Literally nobody—not me, not you, not team owner Bill Foley—thought this was possible and now the Knights are favorites in the Cup Final.

There’s plenty to enjoy about a Caps win but nothing in the history of hockey will be more pleasurable than the Vegas Golden Knights being crowned Stanley Cup champs.

This article originally appeared on VICE Sports CA.

A Bandwagon Guide to the Unlikely Capitals-Golden Knights Stanley Cup Final syndicated from https://australiahoverboards.wordpress.com

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flauntpage · 6 years

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DGB Grab Bag: Taunting Goalies, Brad Marchand Comedy Hour, and Guarantees

Three Stars of Comedy

The third star: Brad Marchand? – Wait, really? The same guy who made a complete fool of himself over the weekend by licking an opponent for the second time this postseason, setting off the saddest controversy in recent memory? Surely he had the good sense to lay low for a few days, instead of going on Twitter and trying to land haymakers.

Apparently not. And you have to admit, as far as hockey player online roasts go, this one wasn't bad.

We'll give it a C+. Now stop licking people, you little weirdo.

The second star: This fan – OK, now that is the week's funniest Brad Marchand joke.

The first star: Shea Weber – It was a rough week on Twitter for the Habs, and I can't say I have any idea what's supposed to be happening here. But check out Weber, behind the table on the right.

He's clearly been told to dance, but he doesn't want to dance and doesn't know how to dance. I've never identified with a professional athlete more than right now.

Debating the Issues

This week’s debate: This is a debate. "In Favor" will be taking on "Opposed." But who's going to win?

In favor: Well, I like my chances. I've prepared my debating points, I've been working on my rhetorical arguments, and I think I've got the stronger case. So yes, I think I'm going to win.

Opposed: Wow.

In favor: What?

Opposed: Nice guarantee.

In favor: I'm sorry?

Opposed: You just guaranteed victory. You basically pulled a Mark Messier.

In favor: Well… I don't think I actually did. I just said that I think I'm going to win. It's not really the same thing.

Opposed: OK, Joe Namath.

In favor: Are you really going to make a big deal out of this?

Opposed: Of course. You just guaranteed victory. That's huge. The hockey world loves a good guarantee story.

In favor: Yeah, I know. I think maybe we love them too much. Because these days we can't get through a round without somebody making a vague statement about winning a game that immediately gets turned into a guarantee.

Opposed: No, you called your shot, just like P.K. Subban recently did. We'll see if it works for you as well as it worked for him.

In favor: But that's the thing. I never actually said the word "guarantee," and neither did Subban. He just kind of mumbled something about "we're gonna win a game." That's expressing confidence, which is what you'd expect him to do.

Opposed: That's still good, right?

In favor: Sure, but it's not a guarantee. Neither is saying "We'll be back," like Connor McDavid did. Or like John Tortorella did. Or like pretty much everyone does when you ask them if they think they're going to win the next game, because what else are they going to say? "I think we're going to lose"?

Opposed: Well, no. But they could sound a little less confident.

In favor: Sure they could. That happened… once. And that guy was never allowed to live it down.

Opposed: OK, but you have to admit, there's something great about a player making that kind of public statement. Fans love it. The media eats it up. The player's teammates probably appreciate it. What's the problem here?

In favor: The problem is that we're long past overkill. Ever since Messier wound up on that famous NY Post cover and then backed it up with a hat trick, we've been chasing that high. And now we turn every little expression of confidence into a guarantee story. It's ridiculous.

Opposed: I mean, if somebody makes a point of saying something like that to the media…

In favor: It doesn't even have to be the media these days! Mike Babcock basically says "see you later" to some random arena workers, and suddenly he's guaranteeing victory too. It's completely out of control.

Opposed: Well, there's no turning back now. You've guaranteed a win. You have to own it. You'd better come through.

In favor: I really, really didn't do that.

Opposed: Too late. Here comes the verdict guy.

The final verdict: Opposed wins.

In favor: Dammit.

Opposed: Don't worry. When you make a guarantee and then lose, nobody remembers it.

Obscure Former Player of the Week

All respected hockey scholars agree that the 1992-93 season was the greatest ever, and that year's playoffs were no different. By this point in 1993, we'd already celebrated May Day and been horrified by Dale Hunter, and we were just days away from David Freaking Volek, with Kerry Fraser's missed call, McSorley's stick, and Roy's wink still to come.

In fact, just about every day of that postseason provided a memory. Like tomorrow, for example. If we go back 25 years ago on May 11, we'd find a crucial overtime between the Kings and Canucks, in a matchup that featured future Hall-of-Famers like Wayne Gretzky, Luc Robitaille, Pavel Bure, and Jari Kurri. But with the series tied at 2-2 and the favored Canucks on home ice, the role of the overtime hero was played by this week's obscure player: Kings winger Gary Shuchuk.

Shuchuk went undrafted before breaking out in his fourth year with the University of Wisconsin, where a 41-goal season was enough for the Red Wings to make the 22-year-old Shuchuk the 22nd pick in the old supplemental draft for college players. He played six games for Detroit that season, scoring one goal and hammering one Cam Russell, while spending most of the year in the AHL.

That would be it for his Red Wings career, as he spent the next two years in the minors before being dealt to Los Angeles in the blockbuster Paul Coffey/Jimmy Carson trade. He'd play parts of four seasons for the Kings, scoring only 10 goals in 136 games. But it was his first playoff goal that Kings fans will remember him for, as he buried Robitaille's feed for the winner against the Canucks.

That was one of only two playoff goals he scored in the NHL. Shuchuk was out of the league by 1996, and went on to a career in coaching. He spent several years behind the bench in the NCAA, and was last seen serving as coach and GM of the Janesville Jets in the NAHL.

Be It Resolved

OK everyone, huddle up. We need to talk about something. It's been a long time coming, and frankly, I'm amazed we even need to have this discussion. But apparently we do, so here goes.

NHL fans, you are doing the goalie taunt wrong.

Not all of you, of course. But enough of you that we clearly need a refresher on how this works. We've already been down this road once before, when everyone insisted that you could taunt a goalie three seconds into the game, before they'd even given up a bad goal, or even any goal at all. That didn't make any sense—you can't mock a guy who's working on a shutout. Some of you are still making that mistake today, and worse. But it's become slightly less common, so that's progress. But now we have a new problem emerging.

First, the background: The goalie taunt has been around since the early 90s. It was "borrowed" from baseball, where fans would target Mets' star Darryl Strawberry with a mocking "DAR-RYL" chant. It made its way over to hockey, with the first high-profile victim being Blackhawks goalie Ed Belfour. When he was having a rough night, opposing fans would ride him with mocking "ED-DIE" chants. The tradition spread from there.

So while the taunt has been directed at countless players over the years, those are the still the two archetypes. They're the chant in its original, purest, most effective form. "DAR-RYL" and "ED-DIE."

Notice anything about those names?

First of all, they're using the players' first names. That's not necessarily crucial, but it works better—it's just way more condescending to use a player's first name. "BRA-DEN" is better than "HOLT-BY." "PEK-KA" is better than "RIN-NE."

But far more importantly, "ED-DIE" and "DAR-RYL" are both two syllables. That's the key. The chant only works if it's two syllables. Not one, stretched out. Not three or more, jammed together. Two. Only two.

You'd think that would be obvious, but you'd be wrong. On Saturday in Nashville, Predators fans went after Connor Hellebuyck with the taunt. Not only was it way too early—it turned out he played great in a 6-2 win—but even worse, they went with "HELL-E-BUYCK." That is not how this works, Nashville. We've all loved your transformation from questionable market into one of the very best fan bases in the league, but that doesn't get you off the hook. It's "CON-NOR" or nothing.

But that wasn't even the worst example. Back in round one, Bruins fans decided to target Frederik Andersen—and rightly so, because he was largely awful in the series. But Boston fans went with "AND-ER-SEN." What? That's unforgivable. The guy's first name is Freddie—it rhymes with the original NHL goalie chant. Hitting a struggling goalie with a "FRED-DIE" chant was the world's easiest layup, and Bruins fans blew it.

And yes, I know what some of you wondering: What happens if we want to mock a goalie and neither of his names are two syllables. Well, then you don't get to use the chant. Sorry. Jonathan Quick, Cam Ward, and Mike Smith are all immune. It's not fair, but that's life.

So be it resolved: The goalie chant has to be two syllables, and whenever possible it should use the first name. Making goalies cry is all in good fun, but respect the game's traditions, dammit.

Classic YouTube Clip Breakdown

Our pal Gary Shuchuk got to be the big story of those 1993 playoffs for about 24 hours. The next night, Stumpy Thomas had four points as the Islanders forced a seventh game against the Penguins, and Volek made history 48 hours later. That left one second-round series still in play, with the Maple Leafs hosting the Blues in a Game 7 that figured to be a goaltending showdown between Felix Potvin and Curtis Joseph.

That turned out to only be half true, as Potvin earned the shutout in what ended up being one of the biggest Game 7 blowouts ever. The Maple Leafs scored four times in the first period and were up 6-0 by the second intermission, with just about everything getting past Joseph as the Leafs cruised to the easy win.

And yet, all these years later, the one play from that game that everyone still remembers is one of the few saves Joseph managed to make that night. As we approach the moment's 25th anniversary, let's relive it here.

We pick up the action about 14 minutes into the second, with the Leafs leading by five. The game is basically already over, but the two teams are still going end-to-end because that's the only way anyone knew how to play hockey in 1993.

Our clip begins with everyone going "Oh yeah, John Cullen was on the 1992-93 Leafs." By the way, our play-by-play voice for this clip is Bob Cole, which I don't have to tell you will make everything that's about to happen roughly a million times better.

The Maple Leafs shoot the puck into the Blues' zone on a typical dump and chase. But this is a Norris Division game, so there are more hits in the next few seconds than we see in most full games today. Eventually, three players stop throwing checks long enough to realize the puck has ended up at center ice. Two of those players are Maple Leafs, so it's an odd-man rush.

Those two Leafs are Wendel Clark and Glenn Anderson, who I'm just going to go ahead and assume is humming "The Leafs Are The Best" throughout this entire play.

At this point, Clark winds up for a slapshot, and every Maple Leaf fan in the world knows exactly what's going to happen—he's faking the shot to set up a pass. We know this because Clark has been in the league for eight years at this point and has literally never taken a single slapshot in his entire career. He never had to, because he could put a wrist shot through a goaltender's chest. To be honest, we weren't even sure he knew how to take a slapshot. What would even happen if he ever tried?

Oh.

So yeah, Clark lets it rip, he hits Joseph right between the eyes, and Joseph's head falls off. [Does math.] Yeah, the physics checks out on this one.

The Gardens crowd, not surprisingly, doesn't have much sympathy, and they cheer louder for this than any of the goals that night. Were we all horrible people in the early 90s? I think we may have been. Ah well. Shout-out to the one fan who reacts to the play by clapping directly in front of the camera.

What comes next is my favorite moment of the entire sequence. Joseph pops up, apparently somehow still alive, and he tries to no-sell the whole thing like he's the Ultimate Warrior. It's actually a spectacularly bad-ass moment, right up until the point where Curt Giles runs over to give him a big hug. You can actually see Joseph try to turn away, but Giles isn't having it. He chases him into the corner like a concerned helicopter mom. It's adorable.

By the way, I have no idea what the St. Louis Blues did to Wendel Clark in a previous lifetime, but he apparently devoted his life to getting revenge.

Joseph eventually shakes off Giles and skates around trying to look tough while periodically checking to see if his ear is still attached. This would be a good time to remind you that this is the same series in which Mike Foligno kicked him in the face. I feel like every modern-day goalie who tries to draw an interference call by flailing around for ten minutes every time they feel any contact should have to go the penalty box for two minutes to watch old clips of Joseph shrugging off attempted beheadings.

My second favorite moment in the clip: Joseph still playing the tough guy when Kerry Fraser comes over and briefly makes him laugh. Poor guy just wants to look cool in front of his friends, and he has to deal with mom hugs and dad jokes. JUST LEAVE ME ALONE YOU GUYS ARE SO EMBARRASSING.

"The mask saves Curtis Joseph's life." Man, no kidding. Some things were better in the old days, but I feel like "Nobody's head explodes into a cloud of mist from a slapshot" was an improvement.

And with that, our clip ends. The Leafs scored another goal about one minute after this play, mainly because Joseph instinctively climbed over the glass and fled the arena as soon as they crossed the red line.

Epilogue: Clark tried really hard not to murder anybody for the rest of the series. Joseph finished the game and went on to a long career that included two stops in Toronto. Giles is still following him around trying to hug him to this day. And Fraser was so traumatized by what he'd witnessed that he vowed to shut his eyes the next time he thought someone was going to get hit in the face.

Have a question, suggestion, old YouTube clip, or anything else you'd like to see included in this column? Email Sean at [email protected] .

DGB Grab Bag: Taunting Goalies, Brad Marchand Comedy Hour, and Guarantees published first on https://footballhighlightseurope.tumblr.com/

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amtushinfosolutionspage · 6 years

Text

DGB Grab Bag: Taunting Goalies, Brad Marchand Comedy Hour, and Guarantees

Three Stars of Comedy

Apparently not. And you have to admit, as far as hockey player online roasts go, this one wasn’t bad.

We’ll give it a C+. Now stop licking people, you little weirdo.

The second star: This fan – OK, now that is the week’s funniest Brad Marchand joke.

The first star: Shea Weber – It was a rough week on Twitter for the Habs, and I can’t say I have any idea what’s supposed to be happening here. But check out Weber, behind the table on the right.

He’s clearly been told to dance, but he doesn’t want to dance and doesn’t know how to dance. I’ve never identified with a professional athlete more than right now.

Debating the Issues

This week’s debate: This is a debate. “In Favor” will be taking on “Opposed.” But who’s going to win?

In favor: Well, I like my chances. I’ve prepared my debating points, I’ve been working on my rhetorical arguments, and I think I’ve got the stronger case. So yes, I think I’m going to win.

Opposed: Wow.

In favor: What?

Opposed: Nice guarantee.

In favor: I’m sorry?

Opposed: You just guaranteed victory. You basically pulled a Mark Messier.

In favor: Well… I don’t think I actually did. I just said that I think I’m going to win. It’s not really the same thing.

Opposed: OK, Joe Namath.

In favor: Are you really going to make a big deal out of this?

Opposed: Of course. You just guaranteed victory. That’s huge. The hockey world loves a good guarantee story.

In favor: Yeah, I know. I think maybe we love them too much. Because these days we can’t get through a round without somebody making a vague statement about winning a game that immediately gets turned into a guarantee.

Opposed: No, you called your shot, just like P.K. Subban recently did. We’ll see if it works for you as well as it worked for him.

In favor: But that’s the thing. I never actually said the word “guarantee,” and neither did Subban. He just kind of mumbled something about “we’re gonna win a game.” That’s expressing confidence, which is what you’d expect him to do.

Opposed: That’s still good, right?

In favor: Sure, but it’s not a guarantee. Neither is saying “We’ll be back,” like Connor McDavid did. Or like John Tortorella did. Or like pretty much everyone does when you ask them if they think they’re going to win the next game, because what else are they going to say? “I think we’re going to lose”?

Opposed: Well, no. But they could sound a little less confident.

In favor: Sure they could. That happened… once. And that guy was never allowed to live it down.

Opposed: OK, but you have to admit, there’s something great about a player making that kind of public statement. Fans love it. The media eats it up. The player’s teammates probably appreciate it. What’s the problem here?

In favor: The problem is that we’re long past overkill. Ever since Messier wound up on that famous NY Post cover and then backed it up with a hat trick, we’ve been chasing that high. And now we turn every little expression of confidence into a guarantee story. It’s ridiculous.

Opposed: I mean, if somebody makes a point of saying something like that to the media…

In favor: It doesn’t even have to be the media these days! Mike Babcock basically says “see you later” to some random arena workers, and suddenly he’s guaranteeing victory too. It’s completely out of control.

Opposed: Well, there’s no turning back now. You’ve guaranteed a win. You have to own it. You’d better come through.

In favor: I really, really didn’t do that.

Opposed: Too late. Here comes the verdict guy.

The final verdict: Opposed wins.

In favor: Dammit.

Opposed: Don’t worry. When you make a guarantee and then lose, nobody remembers it.

Obscure Former Player of the Week

All respected hockey scholars agree that the 1992-93 season was the greatest ever, and that year’s playoffs were no different. By this point in 1993, we’d already celebrated May Day and been horrified by Dale Hunter, and we were just days away from David Freaking Volek, with Kerry Fraser’s missed call, McSorley’s stick, and Roy’s wink still to come.

In fact, just about every day of that postseason provided a memory. Like tomorrow, for example. If we go back 25 years ago on May 11, we’d find a crucial overtime between the Kings and Canucks, in a matchup that featured future Hall-of-Famers like Wayne Gretzky, Luc Robitaille, Pavel Bure, and Jari Kurri. But with the series tied at 2-2 and the favored Canucks on home ice, the role of the overtime hero was played by this week’s obscure player: Kings winger Gary Shuchuk.

That would be it for his Red Wings career, as he spent the next two years in the minors before being dealt to Los Angeles in the blockbuster Paul Coffey/Jimmy Carson trade. He’d play parts of four seasons for the Kings, scoring only 10 goals in 136 games. But it was his first playoff goal that Kings fans will remember him for, as he buried Robitaille’s feed for the winner against the Canucks.

Be It Resolved

OK everyone, huddle up. We need to talk about something. It’s been a long time coming, and frankly, I’m amazed we even need to have this discussion. But apparently we do, so here goes.

NHL fans, you are doing the goalie taunt wrong.

Not all of you, of course. But enough of you that we clearly need a refresher on how this works. We’ve already been down this road once before, when everyone insisted that you could taunt a goalie three seconds into the game, before they’d even given up a bad goal, or even any goal at all. That didn’t make any sense—you can’t mock a guy who’s working on a shutout. Some of you are still making that mistake today, and worse. But it’s become slightly less common, so that’s progress. But now we have a new problem emerging.

First, the background: The goalie taunt has been around since the early 90s. It was “borrowed” from baseball, where fans would target Mets’ star Darryl Strawberry with a mocking “DAR-RYL” chant. It made its way over to hockey, with the first high-profile victim being Blackhawks goalie Ed Belfour. When he was having a rough night, opposing fans would ride him with mocking “ED-DIE” chants. The tradition spread from there.

So while the taunt has been directed at countless players over the years, those are the still the two archetypes. They’re the chant in its original, purest, most effective form. “DAR-RYL” and “ED-DIE.”

Notice anything about those names?

First of all, they’re using the players’ first names. That’s not necessarily crucial, but it works better—it’s just way more condescending to use a player’s first name. “BRA-DEN” is better than “HOLT-BY.” “PEK-KA” is better than “RIN-NE.”

But far more importantly, “ED-DIE” and “DAR-RYL” are both two syllables. That’s the key. The chant only works if it’s two syllables. Not one, stretched out. Not three or more, jammed together. Two. Only two.

You’d think that would be obvious, but you’d be wrong. On Saturday in Nashville, Predators fans went after Connor Hellebuyck with the taunt. Not only was it way too early—it turned out he played great in a 6-2 win—but even worse, they went with “HELL-E-BUYCK.” That is not how this works, Nashville. We’ve all loved your transformation from questionable market into one of the very best fan bases in the league, but that doesn’t get you off the hook. It’s “CON-NOR” or nothing.

But that wasn’t even the worst example. Back in round one, Bruins fans decided to target Frederik Andersen—and rightly so, because he was largely awful in the series. But Boston fans went with “AND-ER-SEN.” What? That’s unforgivable. The guy’s first name is Freddie—it rhymes with the original NHL goalie chant. Hitting a struggling goalie with a “FRED-DIE” chant was the world’s easiest layup, and Bruins fans blew it.

And yes, I know what some of you wondering: What happens if we want to mock a goalie and neither of his names are two syllables. Well, then you don’t get to use the chant. Sorry. Jonathan Quick, Cam Ward, and Mike Smith are all immune. It’s not fair, but that’s life.

So be it resolved: The goalie chant has to be two syllables, and whenever possible it should use the first name. Making goalies cry is all in good fun, but respect the game’s traditions, dammit.

Classic YouTube Clip Breakdown

And yet, all these years later, the one play from that game that everyone still remembers is one of the few saves Joseph managed to make that night. As we approach the moment’s 25th anniversary, let’s relive it here.

We pick up the action about 14 minutes into the second, with the Leafs leading by five. The game is basically already over, but the two teams are still going end-to-end because that’s the only way anyone knew how to play hockey in 1993.

Our clip begins with everyone going “Oh yeah, John Cullen was on the 1992-93 Leafs.” By the way, our play-by-play voice for this clip is Bob Cole, which I don’t have to tell you will make everything that’s about to happen roughly a million times better.

The Maple Leafs shoot the puck into the Blues’ zone on a typical dump and chase. But this is a Norris Division game, so there are more hits in the next few seconds than we see in most full games today. Eventually, three players stop throwing checks long enough to realize the puck has ended up at center ice. Two of those players are Maple Leafs, so it’s an odd-man rush.

Those two Leafs are Wendel Clark and Glenn Anderson, who I’m just going to go ahead and assume is humming “The Leafs Are The Best” throughout this entire play.

At this point, Clark winds up for a slapshot, and every Maple Leaf fan in the world knows exactly what’s going to happen—he’s faking the shot to set up a pass. We know this because Clark has been in the league for eight years at this point and has literally never taken a single slapshot in his entire career. He never had to, because he could put a wrist shot through a goaltender’s chest. To be honest, we weren’t even sure he knew how to take a slapshot. What would even happen if he ever tried?

Oh.

So yeah, Clark lets it rip, he hits Joseph right between the eyes, and Joseph’s head falls off. [Does math.] Yeah, the physics checks out on this one.

The Gardens crowd, not surprisingly, doesn’t have much sympathy, and they cheer louder for this than any of the goals that night. Were we all horrible people in the early 90s? I think we may have been. Ah well. Shout-out to the one fan who reacts to the play by clapping directly in front of the camera.

What comes next is my favorite moment of the entire sequence. Joseph pops up, apparently somehow still alive, and he tries to no-sell the whole thing like he’s the Ultimate Warrior. It’s actually a spectacularly bad-ass moment, right up until the point where Curt Giles runs over to give him a big hug. You can actually see Joseph try to turn away, but Giles isn’t having it. He chases him into the corner like a concerned helicopter mom. It’s adorable.

By the way, I have no idea what the St. Louis Blues did to Wendel Clark in a previous lifetime, but he apparently devoted his life to getting revenge.

“The mask saves Curtis Joseph’s life.” Man, no kidding. Some things were better in the old days, but I feel like “Nobody’s head explodes into a cloud of mist from a slapshot” was an improvement.

Epilogue: Clark tried really hard not to murder anybody for the rest of the series. Joseph finished the game and went on to a long career that included two stops in Toronto. Giles is still following him around trying to hug him to this day. And Fraser was so traumatized by what he’d witnessed that he vowed to shut his eyes the next time he thought someone was going to get hit in the face.

Have a question, suggestion, old YouTube clip, or anything else you’d like to see included in this column? Email Sean at [email protected] .

DGB Grab Bag: Taunting Goalies, Brad Marchand Comedy Hour, and Guarantees syndicated from https://australiahoverboards.wordpress.com

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