#really hard on you when you're sick with a 6 month old baby to take care of

[wanderingcas]

god damn it i think im sick again

[cicimunson]

Sweet Child of Mine Part 4

Series Summary: You’re Eddie’s former best best friend. The two of you drifted apart freshman year of high school and now you’re more enemies than anything else. Despite the hostility between the two of you, you still come around to help out with his eleven-month-old sister, Emma, who he and Wayne keep most of the time due to his father being in jail and his mother being an addict.

Also, I know Sweet Child O’ Mine didn’t come out until 1988, but the song is just so perfect for the story.

Characters: Eddie Munson x Female Reader, Wayne Munson, OC Emma Munson, Wendy Munson and Greg Thompson

Warnings: Eddie and the reader get into a huge argument (as usual), Eddie is sick and reader takes care of him.

Word Count: 2.k+

Part 1|Part 2|Part 3|Part 5|Part 6

Fuck. Fuck.

Eddie sprints through the house, hunting frantically for something clean to wear. He was already late for school and he was supposed to sell some kid a dime bag before the first bell.

"Eddie, it's almost nine a.m." Wayne chides him. "You were supposed to be at school an hour ago."

"I fell asleep before I set my alarm. I had a bad headache. And now I can't find any clean clothes."

"That's weird, Y/N did laundry last night while she was here."

Eddie checks the dryer, nothing. Where did she put my clothes?

Then he sees them. Sitting in the basket in front of the washer, untouched.

She didn't do my laundry? Why didn't she-

The words from your last conversation dawn on him.

I didn't ask you to do my laundry. You act like my girlfriend, it's weird.

He runs back to his room and digs around in his drawers, finding a white t-shirt that's about two sizes too small. He throws it on and sprints out the door, stopping to kiss Emma on the cheek on the way out.

Emma immediately starts fussing as he leaves. Wayne picks her up, patting her back.

"He'll be home before you know it, sweet girl, and then I can get some sleep.”

__________

You stroll into the cafeteria, adjusting your ponytail as you sit down. Your friends greet you, talking excitedly about a party coming up the next weekend.

You're halfway through your sandwich when Eddie walks in. You almost choke as you take in his skin-tight t-shirt, so small on him it looks like a crop top. Even with his jacket and vest on, you can see the lower half of his stomach and his happy trail that disappears into his dark jeans. Your mouth goes dry as your gaze lingers on his belly.

He makes eye contact, points at his shirt, and flips you a bird. You grin mischievously.

"Flirting with the freak?" Greg asks, slinging an arm over your shoulder.

"Don't be ridiculous. I played a little prank on him, that's all."

"That's my girl."

You push his arm off you. "Just because we hung out this weekend doesn't mean we're back together."

His eyes narrow. "Come on, baby. We're perfect for each other. You can't let one indiscretion-"

"Is that what we're calling it now? You getting balls deep in another girl is just a simple indiscretion?"

He grimaces. "You really need to stop hanging with that freak. Your language has gotten so vulgar. He's rubbing off on you."

"Why do you have to bring him up all the time? I told you, I work for his uncle. That's all."

"You two were friends before high school. And you know what they say, old habits die hard."

You roll your eyes and stand up, dumping the rest of your lunch in the trash.

Eddie sees you leaving and hurries after you. You yelp when his hand wraps around your elbow, tugging you into an empty classroom.

"If you're just gonna yell at me-"

"I should do more than that. Are you kidding me, Y/N? You could have at least told me you weren't gonna wash my clothes."

You cross your arms and glare at him. "You told me to stop doing shit for you. So I didn't do your laundry, I didn't tidy up your room, I'm sure you noticed Wayne's lunches are in the fridge, but I didn't make you any."

"You're such a bitch."

"Hey, I'm just doing what you said. You want someone to cook and clean for you? Start paying me. Or find a girlfriend.  Wayne pays me to care for Emma, not you."

"I swear I hate you sometimes."

"That's fine considering I hate you all the time."

You see a flicker of hurt in his eyes. He hides it quickly, standing up straight, squaring his shoulders.

"Forget it. I don't need you to do shit for me. I don't need anyone to do anything for me. I'm used to handling my shit myself." He starts coughing.

"You don't get to guilt trip me for doing what you told me to do! If you were ever nice Eddie, if you ever said thank you, just once-"

"Thank you for what? For what?" He yells, and you flinch. "Thank you for ruining our friendship? Thank you for becoming friends with the people that torment me? Thank you for abandoning me freshman year, when I needed you the most?"

You freeze. So that's what this is all about. That's what it's always been about.

"Eddie, I did not abandon you. My interests changed, yes, but I was here. I tried to be your friend. You pushed me away."

"You were gonna leave me behind!"

"I wouldn't have! I'm not like your mom, Eddie! I care about you!"

He flinches, taking a step back.

Shit. That came out wrong.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean that the way it sounded."

He laughs bitterly. "No, you're right. My mom doesn't give a shit about me. If my own mother doesn't care, why should you?"

"Please, I didn't mean it that way. I would never say that. I wouldn't-"

"You just did."

"I worded it wrong, Eddie, I just meant-"

"Don't. We both know what you meant."

"Eddie. Listen to me." You plead.

He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a crumpled ten dollar bill, slapping it into your palm.

"I don't want your money, Eddie, that's not what this was about. I just wanted some appreciation."

"I'll be home late. So if you can have my clothes done by then, that would be great. Don't worry about tidying up my room or making my lunches, I can handle that on my own."

"Eddie." You start to reach out for him, forgetting yourself. He slaps your hand away, visibly recoiling.

"I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking." You apologize, take a few steps back from him. "I won't touch you."

He looks down at you with a pained expression. "Don't. Ever."

"I won't. I'm sorry. I just wanted you to listen to me."

The bell rings and Eddie steps around you, walking out the door and into the hall.

You blink back tears. You'd really fucked up this time. Any chance you and Eddie had of reconciling was done. He really hated you.

__________

You're sitting in Eddie's room, rocking Emma to sleep when you hear him come inside. You lay Emma in her crib and pat her bottom a few times.

You walk into the living room. Eddie is slumped on the couch, eyes closed.

"Emma's asleep. Your clothes are folded on your dresser. There's spaghetti in the fridge."

Eddie groans in response.

You sigh. If he's high or drunk you can't leave Emma alone with him.

"Eddie, take a shower. I'll make you some coffee. You need to sober up."

He shakes his head. "I'm not drunk."

His voice is raspy, crackling as he finishes his sentence.

"High, then, whatever. Come on, get up. I can't leave Emma with you when you're like this."

He lifts his head and you notice how flushed his cheeks are. He's shivering, you realize, as he tries to sit up.

"Eddie, are you okay?"

He coughs, taking a deep breath as he wheezes. "I'm fine."

"You aren't fine. You're obviously sick."

"Said I'm fine." He mumbles.

"Don't be stupid. I'm not leaving you to take care of Emma while you're ill. And I don't want Emma getting sick, either."

"S'not sick." He protests, but lets his head fall back on the couch.

Damn it.

You go into the bathroom and wet a washcloth with cold water, then come back into the living room and lay it over his forehead. He whimpers and tries to knock it off, but you shove his hands away.

"It's cold!" He groans. "So cold."

"You have a fever. We need to cool you down."

You hunt through the house and find some Tylenol and cold medicine. You get a glass of ice water and hurry back to his side.

"Eddie, sit up a little. I need you to take some medicine."

"S'not gonna. I hate it."

"Eddie, don't be a child. You need medicine to get well." You scold. "Now sit up!"

His eyes fly open when you raise your voice. He struggles to sit upright.

You shove two Tylenol in his mouth and hold the glass to his lips. "Swallow. Now."

He does as you say, furrowing his brows.

You measure out the cold medicine and make him swallow it. He gags at the taste.

"Do not throw up." You warn. "Swallow it down."

He scowls at you. "Mean."

"Yeah, well, you'll thank me when you feel better."

"S'will not."

"Yeah, you probably won't." You sigh.

He lays back and tugs the blanket off the back of the couch. You wrestle it away from him.

"Eddie, no, your fever is high. We gotta cool you down."

"I'm cold." He groans, trying to get the blanket back from you.

"You'll be even colder when your temp goes up. Listen to me, please."

He sighs.

You check on Emma, who's thankfully still sleeping peacefully, before rewetting the washcloth and putting it back on Eddie's forehead.

He whimpers but doesn't protest or open his eyes.

You sit on the floor beside the couch, watching him closely. A half hour goes by and he's still red-faced and groaning in his sleep.

You know you have to get some of his clothes off and cool him down. You just aren't sure how to do it without upsetting him.

"Eddie." You say softly. "Could you try to take your jacket off?"

He grunts.

"Eddie." You say louder. "Your temp isn't going down fast enough. We need to get some of these layers off you."

No response.

You sigh. You know he hates being touched and you don't want to violate that boundary. But at the same time you've got to get him cooled down.

You start by slipping his shoes off, then his socks. He mumbles but doesn't try to stop you.

You tug on his shoulders and his eyes shoot open.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry." You whisper soothingly. "We just need to get this jacket off, okay? I'll stop touching you after we get you stripped down, I promise."

You manage to tug the jacket off without too much of a struggle.

Eddie catches your hand as you start to pull away. You stare down at him, surprised.

"Thank you." He murmurs.

So all I gotta do to get a little appreciation around here is get him sick? Wow.

You don't say that though. You squeeze his fingers, and offer him a warm smile. "You're welcome."

You sit back down on the floor. Eddie rolls on his side toward you.

"Emma-"

"I just checked her. She's fine. Get some sleep, I got you both."

He nods and drifts off.

You watch over him until his fever breaks. You wake him once more to give him more Tylenol, then let him rest.

Eventually you give in to your own fatigue and your head slumps back on the couch as you close your eyes.

That's where Wayne finds the two of you the next morning. He smiles to himself when he sees Eddie gripping your hand.

He checks on Emma before gently shaking your shoulder to wake you.

"Y/N, everything okay? Why are you asleep on the floor?"

You open your eyes. "Hey, Wayne. Eddie was sick last night."

"And you stayed over to take care of him?"

"Someone had to watch Emma, he was in no condition to." You explain. You’d never admit that you stayed for Eddie.

"And yet you're in here on the floor, instead of in the bedroom with Emma." He observes with a knowing smile.

You blush slightly. "I'm gonna go now that you're here. Will you make sure he drinks something every hour or so? And he needs more Tylenol around 9am."

"I will. Thank you for looking after him- I mean, after Emma."

You stand up and start coughing.

Motherfucker.

Tag List: @aedicn @sidthedollface2 @saramelaniemoon @zahra10999 @natasha84 @harrys-tittie @urallidjits @neewtmas @harrystylesandthegoobs @cancankiki

[euijin]

some of y'all know and some of u don't but being chronically ill is one of my Things. i won't get into the whole tragic backstory or anything if y'all want to know more u can dm me idm talking about it at all but asdafsdgdg i had my appointment with my specialist doctor that i've been seeing every 3-6 months for the past eight years since i was diagnosed with my illness today and. she told me i was doing well on my own and that she wasn't doing anything to help me anymore and that she thought it was time she cuts me loose, essentially meaning...i am Better Enough to not have to see her regularly anymore. she said ofc i can make an appointment with her any time if i have problems but the regular checkins aren't necessary, i have Graduated sick person school 🥳

i didn't think i was going to get into it too much but i feel like some context is important so content warning for suicidal thoughts/depression/general shitty health i guess

i managed to not cry like a baby over this until now when i'm finally home and sitting down with some time to myself and it's honestly so surreal. i have had health problems my entire life and i remember when i was like. 13 years old. being too sick to go to school anymore and being in so much physical and emotional pain that i would Pray that i would die every day. i genuinely feel so sad for baby carly she suffered so much, and the thing about having health problems that essentially steal your life from you is that you become physically incapable of planning for the future because you don't know if you're going to be too sick to do this or that or if it'll even be possible for you, so i never really thought about what i wanted to do with my life, i just didn't think about the future At All. i tried to come to terms with the fact hat i would probably be sick my entire life and tbh yeah i will be, my illness is highly treatable but never Really goes away in its entirety, it will flare up in the future too. but somehow i never really considered the fact that one day...i would be healthy enough to not need to go to the doctor every three months anymore? i used to go to the doctor Every Week.

and i'm looking at my life now and like...i'm back in school...sure i only take two classes a semester and it's taking me five years to get a degree that was supposed to take me two years, but...i'm in school?? i have a 4.0 even after finishing my required math and science courses? and i don't have an Actual Full Time Job but i DO have a source of income and i am getting paid to write which is my favorite thing to do in the world. like yeah i'm 26 i have never even been on a date in my life but like...i'm still here??? and i've grown so much? it's only march and i've already done more this year than past carly ever dreamed i could?? the entire past month i've just been floored by the fact that i never could've done any of this in the past, and apparently my doctor sees it too and now i am just. Better Enough. to live my life how i want to now. and that's so crazy overwhelming and kind of scary but also exciting. to finally look at things and think...yeah i think i can do that. instead of "what if i'm not healthy enough." to be able to look at the world as a bunch of things i can do now instead of things i can't...like maybe i will actually learn to drive and get out of this dumb midwestern town and become a journalist and maybe it is possible for me to have goals and dreams that i can actually achieve. it's so hard to wrap my head around because i never really allowed myself that possibility before

this is a lot of rambling just to say ???? i don't even know dude ASDFSDGG i just feel so happy and proud of myself...and i feel so happy for my past self too, there have been lots of times in my life that i feel like past me would be so disappointed that i haven't done more with my life but today i wish i could tell 13 year old carly that we made it. and that we will be okay and that i can promise that for a fact. and i feel so proud of the me that felt like she couldn't do Anything for just surviving those days because even those days helped me get to today and to become the me that is well enough to not have to go to the doctor more than once a year anymore. and it's not like Everything Is Better And Perfect And Great, there will still be shit days and there's still a lot to work on and a lot more growing to do but wow. things are so much less shit now than they were 10 years ago, or even five years ago, and being able to Feel that so strongly after so long is just so rewarding. i honestly can't even put it into words, i could type about 5000 more and i'm pretty sure it still wouldn't be enough.

tl;dr wow turns out the "things get better" bullshit isn't bullshit after all. it just turns out that sometimes even the shit is part of the "getting better." i hope that if you're going through a hard time now that by next year, or in the next five years, or ten years, you'll be able to look back on this difficult time and be proud of yourself for surviving it, and that you'll also be happy for your past self, and be in a position to tell the you of today that you made it and will be okay. bc if it can happen to me!! it can happen to anyone trust me okay.

[alignandrealign]

Deep Breaths

Chapter 1

I'm sitting in my best friend's spare bed and my heart is racing. The room around me feels hotter then five minutes ago and I cannot muster the strength to get up and strip myself of my clothing to cool down. It's been three weeks since I walked out of my long term relationship, which means I don't really have a "home" anymore, I'm pretty much just drifting through the motions of my day to day life while stumbling through this unknown territory of being 32 years old and single again.

Being single isn't new to me but where I am now wasn't what I thought my life would look like at this age, especially when I had dreams of meeting my soul mate, travelling the world and making cute babies in a warm comfortable home together. Boy was I wrong.

I was synchronistically introduced to the Audiobook "Single on Purpose" by John Kim just the other day. I started playing it in my car on my way to work to help setup my morning in a positive mindset. Single on Purpose – making a choice to walk away from everything you know and everything that's comfortable, for the promise of growth, a better future, a more fulfilled life or maybe just peace. That's what it was for me, peace. I take another deep breath and kick the covers off my legs and allow my body to cool down. more deep breaths, I centre myself. The choice to jump was mine to make, the big leap of faith into the scary abyss that ended up not really being too scary at all. There's much scarier things than walking away from something that's not for you anymore, even if it's uncomfortable. Staying is definitely scarier. The decision to leave my relationship has lead me into three weeks of deep rest, growth and a chance to experience deep love and support like I have never experienced before, so I know now it was the right choice. Maybe it was meant to be or maybe I just refused to repeat the same patterns any longer. Either way I was out. I was free and I was writing again.

The last three years has been a total whirlwind of a ride. I met Steve just as the pandemic was kicking in for us. We live in Perth, Western Australia so it was pretty much 6 months after the rest of the world got hit. We didn't even think it was real at this point, just a lot of media swirling around about people getting sick and dying with equally as many conspiracy theories about it being fake, an overly dramatic cold or a declaration of biochemical warfare. I was in my own little world, living in a cosy duplex at the end of a cul de sac in Carine, a leafy suburb close to the beach about 20km north of the city. I had worked really hard to get to this place in my life – after several relationships had broken me down, this was now the manifestation of two years of being single and putting my self and my own dreams first. I wasn't about to compromise it all for just anyone.

Steve was someone I met online through a typically lousy dating app called Tinder – I know what you're thinking, what did I expect? You're right, there were so many reservations I had about even dating anyone at this point, but online was the way to do it and Tinder was familiar to me following two years of being single. I wasn't overly active online though, simply hoping on every now and then for a late night swipe in my bedroom before falling asleep. Sundays were also a good time; slow and quiet mornings meant people were laying in, relaxing and reminiscing on their ventures from the nights before – more reflective and open to talking about deeper things rather than what they do for work or how many bitcoins they own. It wasn't some strategy I had, I just felt softer on Sundays and was happy to indulge in lengthly conversation with strangers.

I had seen Steve's photo pop up and I was instantly struck by how mysterious he seemed. His profile consisted of four or five casual photos of him in various locations but none of them were very clear. They were pictures of him at a distance, standing in shadow or with sunglasses on. I could see his face, his stature and his style, but not his eyes. I'm big on eyes. They speak a truth no words or actions could and it's how I like to gauge the depth of a person. I didn't swipe left or right that morning. I read his words and looked through his photos, then read his words again, contemplating whether he was a good fit, even just for a conversation or exchange of energy. I was pretty protective of my energy at this point and didn't want to just give it away in exchange of a fleeting feeling of validation or attention. I reviewed his profile again then closed the app, packed my duffel bag and drove up to mums. We were heading into a lock down and Mum and I both lived alone so we decided to spend it together.

[vannybarber]

Put Some Respect On My Name!

Summary: As a wife and a mother to the kids of this asshole, respect is the one thing you better be recieving from him...after some good 🍆 of course. That's number one right there.😏

Ransom Drysdale x Black Reader

BIG ASS PLOT

Words: 5.3k

Warnings: Pregnant¡Reader, swearing, insults, angst, mentions of cheating, SMUT, breeding kink, spanking, oral (female receiving), praise kink, unprotected sex, mentions of religion, threats of violence (nothing extreme).

So here your are. Sitting on you and Ransom's shared California King bed looking at his friend, Derek's Instagram story, disappointed and angry. But mostly angry. Some nasty ass trick is sitting on your baby daddy's lap. Her loppy floppy tits out with a drink in hand and him drinking a Moscato, the one beverage he loved to order everytime he went out.

Last year for New Year's, you had to stop him from ordering more or else you were going to be cleaning him up after puking everywhere at midnight instead of getting a kiss to start off another year.

Your two year old daughter was in her playroom across the hall making a mess with her toys. Usually you'd be down there playing with her but your swollen stomach done prohibited you from doing a lot of things now. But it most definitely ain't stop you from getting what you want from Ransom every day and night. Nothing could ever stop you guys from getting yo freak on. Nothing.

Hugh Ransom Drysdale is most definitely an asshole and you're not gonna sit here and lie, acting like he completely changed when you guys came together. That boy still has his moments, but of course, it would be a chilly ass day in hell before you sit there and take his bullshit. He been learned that.

At this point ,you were thinking of ways to get on his ass about it when he comes home. Should you get the bat and wait at the door on some Beyonce shit ? Or put some bleach in his Fruit Loops like Cardi the next day ? Those sounded a lot better than what you decided to do. You were gonna wait till he got back home and calmly confront him on it, regardless of what your hormones wanted. 6 months pregnant and anger do not go together. You're WAAAAY more vulnerable and bound to do anything now. So you just watch your daughter brush her baby doll, hitting her on the head cause she won't sit still, rubbing your bump and wait for him to come home.

You hear shuffling downstairs and keys hitting the bowl by the front door. His big head home now and you're beyond ready.

You check the time and it's 2:46 am. You been put your child to sleep hours ago. You were just watching Wild N' Out to pass the time, thinking of how you were gonna start off without making yourself even more mad. The baby nor you need any of that. You were internally praying he was gonna get his ass over here soon cause your ass knocked out for a little bit. You were sleepy as hell right now.

Hearing those expensive ass Chelsea boots hit the sleek stairs and up to the second floor, you woke the fuck up real quick. You stay quiet and watch him walk in your daughters room and check on her. You can see with the nightlight him smile and rub her brown cheek with the back of his forefinger, whispering inaudible words to her. Fuck him and his adorable ass.

He bends back up straight and walks out her room closing the door a little and make his way across the hall to your room. He sees you and your pregnant state in your white tube top and grey booty shorts. Simple yet the baddest bitch he's ever laid eyes on and ever will. He smiles while locking eyes with you and all you do is narrow yours back at him getting upset all over again, regardless of the sweet previous moment shared with your baby girl.

He gives you a 'what the hell ?' look and comes over to give you a kiss but you jerk your head back with the stank face and a 'boy move out my face' quietly leaving your mouth. Now he's REALLY confused.

"Mama, what's wrong with you?"

You look at him like he just asked you to get on your knees and bark like a dog.

"What's wrong with me? You really asking that?" raising your voice on the second question.

Technically, he has the right to ask, being that he doesn't know what you know. He probably doesn't even know that Derek was recording him and that broad. Nor does he know that you texted Derek to keep recording him so you know nothing escalates.

Call it what you want, but you know how your man is. He's immature and irresponsible as HELL. If something had popped off that really threatened y'all's relationship, you would've been in that bar with your child on your right hip, earphones in her ear and tablet in hand, cussing him and that girl out.

"You wanna tell me how your night went?" You tilt your head asking sweetly, with a drop of sarcasm. You truly are a petty ass piece of work. And you love it.

"Just get to the point Y/N. The fuck did I do this time ?" At this point he's now visibly annoyed. But you ain't care. This situation is on his part. Y'all could've had a nice night, fucking while Big City Greens playing in the background on the T.V. eventually waking your child up cause you loud as hell, but nooooo. That ain't happening now.

You grab your phone and open back up Instagram, Marta popping up on your feed with Harlan reading a book. You like it and search up Derek's @ then click his story. You flip through countless tabs until you see the man-child standing in front of you, on the screen. You motion him over to the bed.

"Come here, asswipe."

He rolls his eyes, but moves them feets anyway. You turn your phone to him and let the video play. You watched it about a thousand times so you know exactly when it ends. After it does you pull the phone back in your lap and give him a questioning look.

Sometimes it's hard to read his expressions and this was one. It was a mix of slight guilt and double the annoyance. He backs up and stands back at the end of the bed, arms crossed.

"Really? This why you're upset?"

You swear you almost slapped him. And this time you couldn't blame the hormones because it was gonna be ALL YOU. You take a deep breath and lean your back against the cushion headboard.

"I KNOW you did not just ask me that as if I ain't supposed to be bothered by the fact that my husband got some random woman on his lap while I'm at home with his daughter and his growing child."

You deadass don't believe him right now. He really pressing you as if he don't know how you get when you're angry, especially while pregnant.

"My feet hurt. I am TIRED. I can't even move for more than 5 minutes without getting sick and having to sit down. The you come at me with this bullshit" you continue. "What the hell is wrong with you ?"

He just deadpans you. And you stare at his ass right back. You not playing right now.

"Y/N, you never get upset when I go out with my buddies and get hammered." He's flapping his arms around raising his voice at every word.

"What is the big deal now? It's fucking late and you're doing all this right now. What the hell?"

You gather the strength and get out the bed to close the bedroom door cause you about to go AWF.

Getting back on the bed fully sitting up and supporting your own weight, you tie your butterfly braids up in ponytail.

"Listen, you raggedy shitball,"

It's about to go down. You adjust yourself, ready to release the wrath.

"I don't give a damn how late it is. You know better than to go out and let some bitch get close up on you like that. Were you even thinking about me or your kids while she was on you? The fuck was going through your mind? Oh wait, I forgot. You don't fucking think. You have to actually have a damn brain."

"Raggedy shitball? Real mature, babe. Real fucking mature." He says rolling his eyes, finally getting his shoes off and putting them under the chair were his scarf and coat are draped over.

You continue with your rant.

"Ironic for you to comment on maturity, Hugh."

Yep, that's right. You said it. You called him by his ugly ass first name. Linda and Richard must've been out they damn mind naming him that shit. He whipped his head around, any sense of expression just completely wiping from his face. Perfect. Just the reaction you wanted.

"Don't call me that." He stated, pure disgust in his words. To be honest, you don't even blame him. But like stated before, you petty as hell.

"Hugh, Hugh, Hugh. Your name is fucking Hugh" you say in a sing songy voice. Damn, it feels good to be a gangsta.

"You don't get to tell me what to do right now. And back to what I said before. Why you let that girl in your lap like that ?"

"It was completely harmless. We were just having fun. Like you said before, you aren't a jealous person. Stuff like that shouldn't even be affecting you like this." He gets on the bed beside you and your face tore back up again. He's really getting in this fucking bed beside you like nothing.

But he was right though. You aren't a jealous person. A girl can come up to him at a party and flirt right in your face, but you'd never be bothered. Cause at the end of the day, her ass is getting rejected and he's gonna be inside you later the same night. He's yours and you're his. Simple.

"Ransom, just because I'm not a jealous person doesn't mean I'm gonna keep my mouth if our relationship is threatened." This man is actually delusional.

"You never entertain other girls when I'm around and here you are with a girl on your lap and I'm not there to say or do nothing. And you know your shitty friends will just encourage it. "

At this point, you started to get really insecure. Maybe it's the hormones, maybe it's just your logic. But your mind started racing like NASCAR. What really happens when he's out and you're at home? He wouldn't put your marriage and family at risk over a bitch...right? He hasn't cheated on you, has he? These thoughts really weren't good for your right now.

But he must've read your expressions. You were zoned out and he knows you're an over thinker so he had to stop you real quick. He puts his large left hand over your thigh, rubbing it and his right around your ass, leaning his head against your arm, trying to get you to chill. It almost worked, him knowing you liked your thighs rubbed, especially in your state.

But you caught that shit right away. You moved out of his hold and turn your body completely towards him. And then you ask him.

"Have you ever cheated on me?"

He freezes, you swear for at least 2.4 milliseconds and whips his head around to look at you. You turn your head away, somewhat regretting you even asked. You know this fucker loved you and your family with everything. He even said in his vows he would give his all into you. And you believed him. But fuck that right now. You need to know.

"Are you GODDAMN serious right now?!"

Okay, you paused for two things; he used God's name in vain, which you HATED, due to you growing up religious. Even though you don't practice it very often, it still bothered you. And two, he yelled, completely disregarding the fact that your kid is across the hall sleeping.

You snap your head around, braids hitting your face with super saiyan speed and kick him in his hip.

"What the shit, Y/N?"

"First of all, you know how I feel about that fucking word. STOP USING IT. And two, your daughter is sleeping so you need to keep your damn voice down!"

He's rubbing his side with a distorted look, but you could care less. You were fed up. This imbecile wasn't showing you any respect and your weren't gonna wait for him to get it right.

"How the hell would you feel if I went out, sat on some random dude's lap and entertained him while you were at home with our kid? Matter a fact, I'll do one even better. How about while I'm PREGNANT with YOUR baby, that YOU put in me, I sit on him and letting him rub my belly?"

Ransom has a big ass breeding kink. When you told him you were pregnant he was ecstatic. The though of him knocking you up, his seed growing inside of you just gave him pure ecstacy. And don't even get started on when your bump started to form. He was fucking every chance he got. He was in a theme park and you were his favorite ride.

You know you were playing with fire, but that shit felt AMAZING. He was really feeling how you were feeling right now. Them veins were popping out his neck and his face was slightly turning red. Baby boy was LIVID.

"Y/N, cut that shit out. I'm not doing this with your ass tonight." He looked at you with these eyes you've only seen when his family pissed him off at those gatherings he dragged both of you to. Before you had your first child of course. You went to them less after your daughter's birth because he didn't want her around his shitty family. You completely understood.

"Nah, baby boy. Since you want to be so inconsiderate and a triple asshole tonight, you can lay here by yourself and bathe in it." You got your big ass out the bed after minutes of struggling. Grabbing your black Betty Boop pillow with her cute afro, your charger, phone and your Hot Cheetos out the night stand and slipped on your slides, you waddle across the room, heading into the guest bedroom.

You refuse to sleep in the same bed as him, especially since he refuses to admit he's in the wrong. If you stay in there, you're just going to get even more frustrated and you don't want to harm your baby.

"Y/N, baby. What are you doing? Come back in here" he called you from the bedroom.

You shut the door and lock it. You'll be damned if you're gonna come running back cause he aSkEd you to. You settle in the bed, plug your phone up, grab your chips and turn When They See Us on the T.V.

Ransom just lays back on the bed in defeat. He didn't even make an effort to get you back in the room because you're stubborn as a mule. But he takes this time to go over what just happened.

He truly didn't think you would make a big deal. Like you said before, you're not a jealous person, so he didn't think he'd have to worry. Boy, was he all the way wrong. And you did have a point about you entertaining another man. That had his blood boiling. He gets at most irritated when you come with him to events, like the Oakley Country Club in Watertown and you're everyone's distraction.

It was your first appearance with him there and you being a sight to see, had all eyes on you and your body. Hell, even the women were checking you out, no envy or jealousy in sight. He knew then, he was gonna keep you close. You don't remember ever leaving his side that evening. He even volunteered to go into the bathroom with you. He didn't want to take a chance with the females either.

But in all seriousness, he couldn't bear the thought of you with another man. Especially now that you're married and have two kids together. But he really couldn't believe that you'd even suggest that he had been unfaithful to you. Your reasons were plausible, yes, but he was honestly...hurt. He knows what kind of guy he is comes off as, but he'd never intentionally ruin what you guys have built. You were the only one he truly let close.

He knew what he had to do, even though he dreaded it. He had to go apologize. He hates when you're upset with him. Absolutely hates it. Plus you were looking sexy as hell tonight and he need some of that round brown ASAP, no rocky.

Ransom got up and opened the door, making his way down the hall to the guest bedroom, but not before checking his baby's room. She was still fast asleep, little snores leaving her body. Exiting her room, he knew your door would be locked but tried to open it anyway. When it didn't budge, he knocked a couple of times. But you was knocked out.

Then he remembered. Lifting his hand to the top of the door frame, he searched for the thin key that unlocked the bedroom doors. Once he felt it, he grabbed it and inserted it in the door knob. Click. He pushed the door open and looked around to see the T.V. screen on, but paused, and you lying on your side with the Cheeto bag still open like a damn fool.

He shut the door quietly and made his way around the bed. He closed the loud ass bag, which caused you to stir and reposition your legs. He set the bag on the nightstand and crawled into the bed with you. He stared at you for a moment. Looking at your full lips and your wide nose.

Your afrocentric features were always so mesmerizing to him because they were different from all the other women. They were unique and he understood why you took so much pride in them. You had the damn right, especially looking that good. You were never afraid to embrace them. No person of color should ever be afraid to. Ever.

After what felt like an hour of weird ass staring, Ransom started to shake your arm, trying to wake you. You're a heavy ass sleeper, so it took him a while. You opened your eyes, squinting trying to figure what the fuck just woke your ass up. Feeling a dip in the bed and a presence next to you, Ransom comes into sight.

Even though this man is finer than a MOTHERFUCKER, you still turned your nose up when you looked at him. Your ass was still mad and it was ridiculous. Understandable, but ridiculous as hell. You could only imagine what he wanted now. You roll your eyes.

"Listen, I know you're still pissed at me and whatever, but I just came in here to.... apologize."

He averted his gaze to the T.V. You know how difficult it is for your baby to apologize for anything because even though he clearly in the wrong, he will never ever accept it nor admit it. And damn sure never apologize.

"I realize how you felt when you saw that video", he continued. "I would be even more pissed if you were the one in someone else's lap and I couldn't kick their ass as soon as I saw it."

You chuckled a little bit because it's true. He would be angry as shit. Although, you'd never be in that position because you love and respect him too much. But you let him finish before you spoke.

"With that being said, I'm sorry for my actions. Believe it or not, I'm still getting adjusted to being a husband and a father. I'm still struggling to give up my old habits and the shit I'm so used to doing. It's not easy, baby."

You grab is strong jaw and make him face you. He hasn't made eye contact with you this entire time. You almost felt bad, but he needed to understand. Understand where you were coming from and understand how it made you feel.

"Ransom, I'm not asking you to completely change who you are. I just want to know that you're in this for good. Because you can't turn back now. We've come too damn far. And I'll be damned if you decide to give up your responsibilities. Your ass gon' be grass."

He smiled a teeny bit, because what can you say? You're a natural born comedian. You can turn any situation in to some funny ass shit. But you get back to your point.

"I want you to be able to go out and have fun, but also come back and be a husband and a father. I value my independence just as much as you, so I get it. Just remember what you have. Don't fuck it up for some pussy, alright? That's all I'm saying."

You look him in his sea blue eyes. Damn, them thangs are hypnotic as hell. But you search for something that tells you he understands. That's all you fucking want. Him to understand. But you definitely got your answer.

Just as you were about to ask him, he shoots his face towards you and attacks your mouth like a damn wild ass pig. You were thrown all the way off, but you checked back into reality and kissed him back. You guys had this amazing ass way of getting in sync when you kissed. No matter who initiates it, you flow amazingly.

After a few mintues of saliva attack, you pull away tryna breathe cause he was about to take all your fucking oxygen. He laughs at the look on your face. You end up cracking up too. You can't help it. And he knows it.

"I completely understand, mama. I've definitely taken this into consideration. I learned my lesson." He smiles down at you. Internally you're proud as fuck because it's like you raised a bad ass kid into a well behaved one. The power your ass holds is amazing.

Then you look at the door trying to figure out how the hell he got in the room. "The key." You nod in realization. He rubs your thigh again, and this time, you don't stop him. Instead he stops himself. You look at him confused as fuck.

"But I'm gonna let you sleep in here, since you seem to be so cozy." He was messing with you. Fuck him. He gets up off the bed and head towards the door, but not before looking back to catch your reaction. You had a 'get your ass back over here' look on your face. But he just smirked. That signature smirk.

"What's wrong, sweetheart?" He really out here testing you right now. The balls on this motherfucker...

"Ransom, get your ass over here and give me what I want." You look down at his crotch, imagining him without his wool Reiss pants. He follows your eyes, still holding that smirk, but not forgetting to widen it. You lusting after his fLeSh turned him on bad. And it felt so good.

You already know you're to hard to resist. Everyone loves chocolate. Even Ransom's lactose intolerant ass.

You start to rub your belly, purposely drawing his attention, really making him turned on for you. You can feel that that tropical rain storm in your Fenty underwear.

And that boy was ready to start swimming. He expediTiously got back on the bed and in between your legs. You give him that look and that's all he needed. Connecting your lips to his and moving them in perfect sync like always, he starts rubbing up and down the side of your full belly.

"So fucking perfect and all of it's for me."

You pause.

"And who said all of this was for you, Mr. Drysdale?"

Not amused by your comment, he slaps your ass louder than a bitch and you shut your ass up real quick. Not before letting out a little giggle though.

He lifts your heavy ass and pulls the tube top over your head, letting your swole breasteses fall into position. Your areolas widened since having your daughter and Ransom LIVED for it. You were definitely enjoying them massages and those lips treatments he gave you when they were sore, just like now.

He starts kneading the left breast and continues to make out with your face like an animal. His left arm is holding your ass up. He eventually lays you back down, knowing damn well his ass is tired of holding you. You ain't blaming him either.

He hooks his lips on the nipple of the same breast, twirling his deadly tongue all around it. You moan with your head thrown back cause it feels good as hell. He lets go and replaces his mouth with his hands and twirls the nipple with his mouth on the other.

All you could do was mumble cuss words and grab his hair. He was really fucking you up and the real fucking didn't even start yet.

Trailing kisses all the way down your beautiful bump, down all the stretch marks till he reaches your shorts. He wasted no time getting them off and disposing them on the clean floor. Whatever he throw on the floor HE'S picking that shit up, not you. You'll make sure of that.

He looks directly at your covered pussy with excitement in his eyes. More excited than you were, if that's even possible. He takes his thick index finger and rubs you through your panties, completely soaking them. You just watch him, lust dialating your pupils.

He yanks them off, almost taking you off the damn bed at the same time, so you had to re-adjust yourself. He spreads your legs on their sides of his wide shoulders and licks from your core to the hood that covered your clit. You jerked a little cause you were in your second trimester, the horny trimester. You were 🌃 sensitive 🌃.

Then his annoying ass starts lapping in circles in super saiyan speed. You cry out and grab your left breast, squeezing and rubbing it. He stretches his left hand out and takes the right one, doing the same thing. Your back was continuously arching. You know your baby was fed up.

After a couple of more laps, your body finally can't take anymore and you cum all over his mouth. He has the audacity to keep going, even when your clit is hypersensitive, making you literally whimper, so you have to slap his head to get him to stop.

He pulls away with that stupid famous smirk.

"All that shit you're always talking, but you couldn't take a little sensitivity?" He teases you. But that's alright, cause you gon' remember that next time you're on your knees for him. When he comes, you not taking your mouth off him until you feel like it.

"Just fuck me already before I change my mind." You don't know why you even said that shit. He can tease you all you want. You'll never not have your legs or mouth open, ready for him to stick his dick wherever he feels.

He just chuckles, cause he knows that too.

Taking your body, he flips you on your left side and settles behind you, dick right against your ass. Its one of your favorite positions because he could hit your sweet spot perfectly this way. And he could rub your bump at the same time. Beneficial for the both of your greedy asses.

He was taking way to long so you grab his dick and line it up with your pussy and push the tip in slowly, playing with your own arousal. Ransom just watched. He loved seeing you desperate for his stupid ass, but you gave zero fucks at the moment.

Finally you slip his huge ass girth inside you and you moan out loud as hell. You really just be turned on by anything at this point. He then takes back the lead and pushes further till he bottoms out inside you. He's heavily breathing his hot ass breath on your neck like a weirdo, but fuck it.

Once both of you are adjusted, he starts moving in and out of you. The position made your walls hella tighter and he was already hitting your spot. His tight arm is wrapped around your stomach now. You constantly moan his name and he's just encouraging it.

"Ransom, fuck, baby just like that"

"You love when I fuck you like this, don't you pretty girl?"

You hated when he called you "pretty girl, sweet girl, or good girl" because you become a straight whore for him right away. He's such an asshole.

"Yes, Daddy- please don't stop"

"Tell me how bad you want it baby"

There he go with these fucking games. Always wanting to hear you beg.

"I want it so bad, Daddy ! pleASe give it to mE"

Happy Ransom?

He starts to pick up the pace and you feel the pleasure in your toes. It just travel from there all around your body and you can't say anything but "don't stop" and moan uncontrollably.

You start getting close and he can tell by the way you pick up the moans. So he starts going faster. But never forgetting to add a little nasty dialogue.

"I can feel you ready to come sweet girl. Keep clenching around me baby" That shit just made you even more whore-knee. If you weren't already pregnant, he was definitely gonna put a baby in you that night.

"Baby I'm close- fill me up Ransom please "

You're begging for this man to cum inside you, but he always wanna play a damn game.

"Hmmm do you truly deserve to cum baby? I don't know if you do.."

You wanted to hit him so bad, but he wouldn't let you come if you did. So you go along with it.

"Yes Daddy I'll do anything- Please just let me cum !" You screamed.

At this point you were loud as 🌃fuck🌃 .

After more begging he finally let you come.

"Oh shit Ransom- FUCK" You come all over his dick and shortly after, he came right behind you. Filling you up just like you wanted. He slumped against your back and you lowered your shaky leg.

"You always take me so well baby girl." He starts kissing your neck. You could literally hear that loppy ass smile he has on his face everytime y'all get done. But you get all tingly inside because you love when he praises you. Makes you feel proud of yourself.

"Well there's not much to take so...it's whatever." What are you without a teasing remark after every other sentence? But he always has a clapback.

"Its funny you say that because the other day you were practically in tears because my dick was "too much for one woman to take" and that I was practically torturing you." At this point you're turned over facing him grinning like a Cheshire cat and him smiling right back at you.

"Oh shut the fuck up, with your annoying ass." You snap back at him playfully, rolling your eyes.

"You love me, my chocolate bunny." He let's out an audible yelp when you kick him in his leg. You hate when he calls you that. "Cut it out Ransom, or you're not touching me for a week."

There you go again saying the dumb shit. You both know that YOU could never go through with that.

"Fine by me", he states unphased. Cause he knows you could never.

You roll your eyes for the 50thousanth time.

"You're lucky I love your ass."

"I love you too pretty girl" he winks.

Just as you were about to get up, you hear something jiggle the doorknob and someone huffing and puffing outside the door. That little girl over here jumping up and down tryna to open the damn door. You're literally hollering at her struggle. Truly sick in the fucking head.

"Mama! Where Papa ?" Ransom grins as he throws you his blue sweater so you can cover up and gets up to let your baby girl in.

You truly cannot stand this guy.

This all came to me so fast 😭 I hope y'all like it lmaoo

[6knotty6thotty6]

So a couple of months ago, I saw a YouTube video that was an audio recording of season 5, episode 6 of Bojack Horseman, “Free Churro.” In the episode, the main character, Bojack Horseman, spends 20 minutes giving a eulogy at his mother’s funeral. There’s one big problem though, his mother was an abusive bitch. His eulogy is him trying to contemplate what she meant by her drying words, “I see you,” and whether or not she loved him. As someone who has a dead parent who was abusive, this is probably my favorite episode of any show ever for how much it helped me understand my feelings. The comments section is filled with people sharing their pain with their abusive families, but one comment stood out to me above all the others by how raw and relatable it was. This comment was by a YouTuber named Moonstruck. At the bottom of this post is a link to her channel. Please support her. After reading this, she deserves a million subscribers. Also please watch Bojack Horseman. (I corrected some of the grammatical errors to make it easier to read)

Disclaimer: Child abuse, bullying, trauma, and mental health:

Moonstruck: 

This is a great monologue, but one part of it, in particular, really caught my attention was the 'grand gesture' bit.

When I was a kid, I read this book called "Chicken Soup for the Soul." There's a shitload of them. I don't remember which particular one it was. I hated the whole series because it's just someone profiting off a bunch of other people's stories rather than trying to write their own, in my opinion. 

Anyway.

This one story that I remember, the ONLY one I remembered,  was sent in by a little girl. She wrote about how her father never told her that he loved her. He never once, in her whole life, said the words "I love you." I don't remember her mom being mentioned, maybe she was dead; it doesn't matter. The point is her dad was basically an emotionless asshole. Well, one day, this girl gets sick. Really sick. Possibly on her deathbed sick. She wrote that one day she woke up to find a necklace sitting on her nightstand that had a pendant that looked like her dog. She said she held it to her heart and cried because that necklace said all the things her father never had.

I thought, "What a load of bullshit."

A cheap trinket doesn't make up for years and years of emotional neglect. Anyone can buy a thing and toss it your way. Hell, he didn't even hand it to her himself, just left it there for her to find if/when she woke up, then left her alone again to possibly die.

A lot of people say that actions speak louder than words, in cases like political protests and shit. While that's true, scenarios that this that girl are different. Gifts can never replace the words, "I love you."

When I was a kid, my father never told me he loved me. My mother didn't either, but she's a whole other kettle of fish. I would say 'my biological mother or father,' but I never got adopted ones, so who gives a shit. Anyway. My father was rarely around, and when he was, he just spent the entire time fighting with my mother and leaving again. He would do and say anything that could get him to spend less time in the house with her. With us. I can't blame him. If I could've left during those times, I would have. I tried more than once. I even earned the nickname 'runaway' from a family friend because of it. 

I was told that I was worthless as early as I could understand words. I don't know what it is about me that set my mother off, but she HATED me. I was always told how expensive I was to keep alive and how I wasn't worth it. If I dared ask for anything, she would remind me how much she spent just to keep me from starving to death and that it was too much already. On the rare occasion I was given something, it was so she could use it as a threat. She was like, "Sure, you can have that toy horse since we got your sister a real one, but you better behave or we'll give it to her and let her break it." Or "Oh, fine, we can keep this dog as a FAMILY pet (NOT YOURS), but if you do something we don't like, we'll take it away and kill it." 

Oh, yeah. I have a sister. She’s cut from the same cloth as our mother. I don't consider any of them family anymore. She was two years older than me. She was the "we should have stopped while we were ahead" kid. Anything she wanted, she got. 

"Mom, can I have an award-winning horse and expensive dressage lessons?"

"Sure!"

"Mom, can I have a car?"

"No problem!"

"Mom, can you pay for my ballet lessons?"

"Absolutely!"

She was the golden child. The one that could do no wrong and wasn't a mistake. Even after she totaled her car, got arrested for an underage DUI, and got pregnant three times in high school, she was still the good one. I never even asked to go to school dances, parties, or go out with the one friend I had. My sister liked to see me in pain. She'd tell our mom that I did things just to get me in trouble. Whether it involved blaming me for things she did or fabricating stuff, she'd say whatever it took to get my mother to beat me while she watched and laughed. Oh, yeah, our mom was BIG on physical punishment. I've been whipped with everything from a riding crop, a wooden paddle, spoons, and especially belts. Anything that was close at hand when my mother got irritated, I've been hit with it. 

At one point, my sister had three tall, beautiful show-worthy horses. I was allowed to keep a sickly old pony for all of a week before she was taken away, then I'd get called ungrateful for asking why we had to get rid of HER instead of one of the horses. Even though my mother said it cost too much to keep them all. With horses being obviously too rich for my blood, I asked for something cheaper, and for once, I got it. I was given a baby goat that one of our neighbors' goats had abandoned for being too weak, and they didn't have time to raise. I loved that goat. I bottle raised him, and named him Ben. He was my best friend for a while. When he grew up, he got so big that I was able to stand on his back to grab tree branches and pull them down so he could eat the leaves. I walked him on a leash like a dog every day. I loved him so much. My mother had me enter him in a show, and we won ninth place! I was thrilled to have something to show against my sister's collection of dressage show ribbons. I finally had proof that I could do something right! Sure, the prize money was taken away from me, but I still had Ben.

But Ben didn't come home with me after the show. It turns out he was sold to a slaughterhouse because that show was for meat goats. I didn't know until he was already gone. Of course, my mother punished me for being upset and even forced me to write a thank-you card to the people who bought his meat. 

My mother was always like that. Anything I loved was used as a threat. I eventually accepted that loving anything was a waste of time. I learned to detach myself from my feelings, and I got really good at it. I can completely turn off my emotional reaction to anything. One time I had to put down one of the egg-laying hens at work that got too sick to save, and I felt nothing while bringing down the ax. When I lost out on a job that could have changed my life, I told myself how stupid it was to hope for anything good. Any positive emotion I felt got me punished, so I learned to feel nothing at all. To this day, I still have trouble feeling things, even when I want to. I'm taking pills now, and they help, sometimes. 

I've had several suicide attempts. I keep a box of razor blades in my desk just to have them close. I got a tattoo of a heart with rainbows on my wrist. Partially for LGBT solidarity, but mostly to remind myself that there is still beauty in the world. I still struggle with wonder if I actually believe it or not. 

I've tried so hard to be a good kid. I never partied, never drank, never smoked even when the chances were there, and I would have greatly loved anything to make the pain stop or even just dull it a little bit. I was in the gifted and talented program at school and was able to graduate at fifteen. For a while, I was sent to a children's home where I was passed around to many people I didn't know, including a clown who I may or may not have actually been related to, until I eventually wound up out here where I am now. It's all pretty hazy, and the details get scrambled. 

It's been 10 years since I've had contact with my mother and sister. I can't even keep in touch with the one friend I had, even after I lived with her. She's tried to reach out to me, but I just… can't. I try, but I can't. Sometimes, I can almost pretend that my past wasn't real. It's just a hazy fog that isn't really there. I want to believe that if I don't allow something, or someone, who was part of that past, someone tangible and real, into my life again, then the fog will go away. This is why I can't do it. I know I'm a terrible friend. Ariel, if you're reading this, I'm sorry. You're better off without me in your life anyway. 

I typed all of this out because sometimes, about fifty dollars or so shows up in my PayPal from my father's email address. I don't know if it's from him or from her using his email, but it doesn't matter either way. The point is I know my mother is the one sending the money.

I know my mother likes to think she's a good person. She went to church every Sunday, and probably still does. She organized a lot of church events and participated in every church function. I had to be an altar server for several years until I aged out of it and was in the choir. She kept going to that church even after the priest got drunk, called me many horrible names in front of everyone, and was revealed to be a pedophile that raped a little boy at gunpoint. She probably still goes to that same church and organizes things. She likes being in charge. She likes having people look at her and say, "That there is a good person."

But are you, though, Mom? Are you really a good person? Were you a good person when you hit me? When you lied to me? When you laughed with my sister about how much I got hurt for things I didn't do? Were you a good person every time you told me you'd kill my cat or leave my dog at the pound? Were you a good person when you sold Ben to be eaten, knowing that I loved him? Were you a good person when you made me read "A child called It" and told me that you'd start doing the things in that book to me if I didn't behave? Were you a good person every time you told my father I was a liar whenever I tried to tell him what you were doing to me? Were you a good person when you told me I wasn't worth the cost of being alive? Were you? 

Fuck you, Mom! Keep your fucking money! A necklace on the nightstand isn't enough. A trinket can't heal years and years and years of abuse and hurt. You can't hide these scars under dollar bills. I hope you die alone. I know I probably will, but I don't even care anymore. I lost the ability to care thanks to you. You can't make up for the things you did and the things you didn't say now. Too little, too late! 

[yourmomni]

Because of you......

warnings: cussing, tears, a bet ANGST & fluff PT1

"you're a liar ! " i yelled at my boyfried " YOUR A LIAR AND I SHOULD OF NEVER EVER TRUSTED YOU" chan ran over to grab my arm but i yanked it away "how could you chan i trusted you, I trusted you with everything and you do this to me" he sighed "baby i dont know what what your talking about explain to me please whats going on" i shoved my phone into his face which showed a text from one of his friends "so it was all a bet huh?"

3 MONTHS BEFORE "You know when i told you to get your own place y/n i didnt mean 100 miles away from me and your father" my mom said through my phone. I sat the box that had the plates and bowls in the kitchen and all my hair products on my couch " I know mom but this place is close to the college that im going to and its really nice" i spoke "it has a patio, 2 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, and its close to the library what more could i ask for mama" i could hear her sigh "i know i know i've just never been so far away from my baby. what if you get sick whos gonna take care of you?" i laughed " urgent care is around the corner mama" as the youngest child of 2 kids i knew this was how my mom would act, i was always the baby. The one everyone took care of but now that i've grown up its hard to let go of that ." What if you run out of lactose pills?" " theirs a drug store across the street" "What if someone breaks in ? whos gonna protect you ?" i rolled my eyes "mama dont worry ill be fine" i said tying up my curly brown hair into a top bun "And plus if someone breaks in ill show them what 5 years of taekwondo looks like" i side kicked at the air "Damn right she will" i heard my dad yell in the backround causing my mom to scold him for being loud "well mom its almost midnight here in korea ill call you tomorrow okay" i could hear fast shuffling "yes yes you should get some rest my love i love you so much y/n goodnight" i smiled " I love you too mom i call you tomorrow i promise" "and if you dont ill have the police looking for you" i laughed "goodnight mom" i hung up the phone, sighed and looked around at my new home. I have so much work to do tomorrow after school. i yawned and walked to my room turning on my led lights that i finished putting up 30 minutes ago, I walked walked to my bed a flopped down exhauseted from all the moving i did today.I went underneath my blankets a rested my head on my pillow staring at the picture on my dresser. It was a picture of me and my family smiling, my mom dressed in pastle pink head to toe while her head rested on my dad's shoulder, my brother Jake neeling on the ground next to our dog layla smiling,and me sitting by jake with the goffiest smile a 6 year old could make. i traced the frame slowly smiling ,missing my family. i slowly started drifting asleep excited for the day the sun was gonna bring

[smartchicken]

Hi I show up every time you post which is haha, so funny, but I just wanna know if you've figured out that I'm a desperate bitch yet and if not, I'm a desperate bitch and I like your stuff. You're cool (also what're your thoughts on a road trip AU featuring young!Tony with a lot of trauma under his belt alongside honourably discharged Bucky who's forgotten how to live but they meet in the middle and it becomes a little easier to breathe)

-chokes-Oh manFirst off, i really would like to encourage people to just randomly describe themselves in my inbox.SECOND this is the first time I've replied to an ask with the mobile app and i don't understand why it's not automatically double spaced, it's really fucking with me, but I'm about as likely to do something about it as i am to tell my phone to auto-capitalize "i". I just Don't CareTHIRDLYROADTRIPokay first off I've had a very few good roadtrips and only one was "Long" (~18 hours) BUT i have great stories from those and now i am picturing not only a young Tony maybe on the run or just trying not to be home, and poor Bucky who got an honorable discharge but got fucked over because that's the American way, but all the avengers because the best roadtrip is when there's two cars and by about halfway through you're straight up enemiesSo like, car 1: Rhodey, Nat, Pepper, Bucky, and Tony. Car 2: Steve, Clint, Phil, and Sam. Because those are who i currently feel like giving a fuck about. Car 1 starts with a disadvantage because 5 people in one car always sucks but like, ride or die bitchesSo I'm sort of imagining this as BlackPepper combining their friendgroups in a fucking into the fire way like sink or swim love each other or else. Because it's that or awkward lunches for six months and they clearly don't have the time for that. I assume there is plotting going on because we all know it plotting redheads, but they probably lost control of the situation at one point because roadtripLike I'm imagining a college au so get in that mindset. I feel like Pepper immediately put her foot down about Tony, who's the only teenager there even though he acts like an old man. Pepper is just like okay Tony HAS to be with me or Rhodey at all times or I'll fuck everyone up Nat i stg i will kill your friends to death if they look strongly at my precious baby and Nat looks a this stubborn little asshole who is at once fearless and terrified and she's like, fair enoughBut Bucky, right? I know I'm a Tony fangirl but I'm not forgetting about Bucky. Cause Bucky went into the army at 18 and he came back three years later a different person. Steve didn't go with because a) he's a twiggy artist and b) Sarah would have murdered him after she destroyed the entire us military tbh. Bucky's a freshman, the only one in the group even though he's older than most of them. He's been back for like 6 months now and probably shouldn't even be dealing with college life but he's Bucky and lbr he's not gonna cut himself any slack. But by golly his friends love him and will absolutely fight everyone for him, even himself. So while Pepper's like "protect my son" Nat is like okay let's try to make sure Bucky's with Steve because they're kinda codependent but we're letting that happen for now because we have bigger fish to fry, but on the dl because currently Bucky won't admit to any issues under penalty of death.So day of the roadtrip. I dunno where they're going probably tourist shit they're just like get in the car we'll head for such and such and go from there. My only frame of reference here is Florida so I'm picturing them having to drive at least five hours before they have any reason to stop.Oh! Yes so first stop is gonna be a spring or river or some sort of water shitSoGetting ready to go is Hell they have to fit enough shit for nine people into two regular sized trunks. So they've gotta clean literally everything but the spare tire outta those("Fuck it, leave the tire," Clint suggests. He's packed all of a backpack and, incomprehensibly, his bow with three arrows and he's absolutely going to reek in about two days and probably didn't bring any shampoo or a toothbrush. It's probably like, a t-shirt, some boxers, and swim trunks. He'll wear the same shorts for a month he doesn't care. "If we get stuck on the side of tree road, I'll feed you to buzzards for sport," Pepper says pleasantly. She knows him a little better than most of Nat's friends because her and Clint half live together. They get along fine but Pepper progressed to threats much quicker than Clint is comfortable with. He thought about telling her it was hot but decided he liked his balls intact. "Just shove over the duffle," Bucky said. Tony's being quiet but he's got a toolkit packed in case anything goes wrong; there'll be no stuck-on-the-roadside on his watch. )So they get the trunks sorted and there's a couple bags in the backseats but it's good enough. Then Phil shows up (when did he leave???) and stuffs some blankets and pillows into both cars. "My family likes roadtrips," he says. His eyes are dead. Phil is not including himself in his family here. Phil tried to beg off but Pepper couldn't get Happy and Nat couldn't get Scott etc etc for various missing people and Phil agrees to come because, ultimately, these socially-challenged morons need a voice of reason and that's not Pepper or Nat OR Sam, no matter what they think(The truth is they're all reckless idiots and Phil's no exception but combined they can keep each other safe-ish or at least get in trouble together)((Tony didn't want to come either but more because he doesn't want to get underfoot. But Rhodey and Pepper made the mistake of trusting his "I'm fine" and leaving him alone for a few weeks at school exactly once. Pepper had hugged him and said "Pretty please?" and Tony's no good at turning down requests, especially from his few, beloved friends))(((Nat took a different approach with Bucky, who didn't want to come either. "If you don't come Steve won't come and then you'll have to say at Steve and Sam's wedding that it was delayed all because you skipped out on the best roadtrip ever.""It is going to be awful," Bucky said. Nat gave a particularly Russian shrug. Bucky sighed and gave in. He didn't exactly wanna spend a week in the dorms alone anyway.)))And then they really just wanna get going what the fuck guys it's already evening should we just wait til morning no fucking way shut your mouth we're going n o wPepper and Nat manage to be together, and they manage to pay Tony and Bucky special attention, as intended. But uh. Oops?It's Rhodey driving with Pepperi the passenger seat, mostly out of habit; they've done short road trips a lot at this point and it's always Rhodey driving to start, Pepper up front so Tony can nap in the backBut uhTony's in the middle in the back, with a pillow and a tablet in his lap. He's putting on a good show of being Totally Fine, but he's clearly tense. Bucky's smooshed against the door as much ash can, broadcasting discomfort like a cat in the rain. Nat leans against the door too, trying to be considerate, but Pepper starts texting her urgently( TOUCH HIM!!!!!hes so tense wtfNat I love you trust me and touch him a littleAnd Nat shifts over just a bit, so her legs are against Tony's, and for a second he freezes, and then he finally loses some of that tensionTOUCH STARVED?????? Nat texts Pepper, alarmed for this kid.His dad sucks, is Pepper's take, and Nat scowls and gets comfortable, pointedly touching Tony without pushing into his space.)MEANWHILE Phil is the odd man out but he's driving so it kinda works. Clint's in the passenger seat because Clint is a no good dirty cheater, and also has very stern, specific instructions from Nat. Steve and Sam are the most comfortable of the entire group, and within an hour they've got their feet a little tangled, not cuddling but not-not cuddling, and Steve's dosing a little cause he took a motion sickness thing and it always makes him a little sleepy"So Pepper seems terrifying," Clint says to Phil as an opener. They probably should've hung out at least a little before this because Pepper and Nat are the only things he can think of to talk about (and maybe it's not helping that Phil is weirdly hot and serious and he's seen him smile a couple times and he's trying to figure out how to see it up close but it turns out it's not hard cause right away Phil grins and chuckles a little and Clint thinks he's maybe having a heart attack)"So does Natasha. Or is it just Nat?""Sometimes it's Natalia," Clint says automatically, which isn't very helpful. "Uh. What are you studying?" Which is stupid and cliche but Phil manages to turn it into an actual conversation and in the backseat Sam's texting the whole thing to Bucky, who keeps sending back strings of emojis that aren't always sensible but like, Sam totally gets it. And then Sam gets a text of the top of a head of messy dark brown curls and a string of panicking emojis. There's a suspicious blushing emoji in there though and Sam snickers to himself. Steve wakes up with a little "hm?" which is too cute for words so Sam just passes him the phoneTony started off working on his tablet but he hasn't slept in...a while and he's been stressing about this but now he's in Rhodey's familiar car and Pepper's got classic rock going kinda quiet and Nat snuck her toes under his leg and he fights it for a while, but eventually he slumps over, and he doesn't even notice himself sliding towards the warmth that smells like machine oil and leather. Tony looks small and sweet and quiet and Bucky likes to watch him sometimes, when he can, even though he feels like a creep. It's just that Tony seems so alive in a way that Bucky can't really capture. Like he's so tired but so full of life and fire and maybe that's optimism he's not sure but he thinks it might be. Everyone always seems tired on campus, or young and stupid, or just so unrelatable. And it's not that he can relate to Tony so much as he wishes he could. Like watching the moon in the surface of a lake and being afraid of the ripples. Bucky slowly relaxes, lulled into it by Tony's quiet breathing, and Nat gives him a very obvious thumbs up, with a certain look in her eyes, and he catches Rhodey's eye in the rearview mirror, so he slides down a little, slowand quiet, tucks an arm around Tony and lets himself relax, puts down three phone and stares out the windowThey stop at an all-night walmart when Clint suddenly realizes they don't have SUPPLIESWATER SUPPLIES!!!Bucky and Tony go in, with Clint and Phil, to get Supplies, while everyone else stretches their legs or texts demands for snacks.They grab a bunch of stuff, everything that looks even mildly amusing, Tony sleep-fuzzy and relaxed from it, and in line him and Clint attack each other with pool noodles, earning a few glares from other shoppers, but they're laughing too!much to care. There's not really room in the cars for everything but they make it work and they're all wide awake then, everyone chattering for the last two hours before they realize they should've arrived by now and then Rhodey stops (he was the one leading) and there's dogs barking and they're in a trailer park andPhil calls him just to ask, "What the fuck Rhodes."They all get out their phones and they're yelling directions at Rhodey and they're lucky he loves them because seriously they deserve death at this point. They pull up to the park at 5am when they should've been there at, oh, 1 or so no one's sure how they got so turned around but they made it yaaayAnd then "Fuck," Pepper says. "Tents."And that's where I'm leaving this for now cause I'm tired of typing on mobile but tbh i wanna write a college roadtrip now. I'm just imagining a lot of cuddles at this point everyone gets maximum hugs plz. Also i can't tag this??? So thanks mobile

[seekandsekkle]

Blessed New Moon Family. Happy Gemini Season Whoo Hoo!!!! We've got a Sun, Moon and Eclipse in Gemini. What a Birthday Gift (6-14, 51 Summers Baby) I'm grateful to be here. Excited for what life is bringing me these days and excited for all of you who took a chance on ya girl and let me fill your inboxes up with Pots, Cups and Sips of Tea. The energy of this moon is bringing the new as all new moons do but its coming in slow due to the retrograde of Mercury and Neptune. Technology has not been allowing us to shine with glitches and freezes, shut downs, zap outs and malfunctions of every kind. The universe really wants us all to have several seats and read a damn book or take a long walk or something. She really aint feeling us having all this screen time and is asking us to reflect, plot and plan our next moves so we're ready when the Summer Equinox comes sauntering in. (June 21st) This Moon/Eclipse energy will have you having epiphanies and revelations and such. You will be communicating with the seen and unseen forces. Dreams will be prophetic and deep af. Pay close attention to what they are showing you, get a dream interpreter if you need one ( I'll do it for you) so you are clean and clear with what Muvah Moon is trying to tell you. This Eclipse of the sun will cast a fire ring around the moon asking you to do a once over on your shadow side. This ain't a time to be marinating where the low vibrations reside. Check your privilege, check your attitude and get back in alignment with your higher self. This double double energy is a set up for some fuck shit, resist at all cost. You will be so sorry you fell for it when it's all over. Take the high road in all things, stay low, pray high is what I always say. Some of us will feel like lead is in our shoes. You really don't wanna do nothing and I'd listen to that somewhat. Take care of the major things in your life as much as you can but don't be surprised when you do try shit aint working right. I'm learning to just wait it out cause it beats trying to break through a brick wall with my tender head meat. The blessing of this moon cycle is that we get to call things into existence. Be clear about what you are asking for, make sure secure housing, coins and good health are on your list. Due to things opening up people are everywhere doing everything, acting as if the pandemic is over. Tread lightly in these streets and keep that hand washing and face covering going on around people. Spirit has spoken and we need to keep our protection game strong especially for those of us who are anti-vaxin and relaxin. 

Ritual: Sit in your sacred space with the scented candle or incense, vase of fresh flowers, and a list of your intentions. Use the power of the word and speak your peace out loud. Not in a shout but with conviction. We want it known that what we want, we deserve. Muvah is listening with a keen ear. She will flush out the superficial and give you exactly what you need, not always what we want. Be grateful because we don't always know what we need until it lands in our laps. That don't mean you can't ask...ijs I'd burn that lil' piece of paper and let the ashes blow in the wind. This double double air energy is sure to send your message right up to Muvah herself and that's a blessing.

Big O'pot of Tea (read your sun, moon and rising for a full cup of tea)

Aries - Getcha coins right. Investments, budgets, piggy bank, rainy day fund. Do any or all of this and thank me later. All the cards talk about the bag, getting it and keeping it. Think long term money, retirement money and generational wealth. The universe is on your side while taking these steps so get into it. Call in the Money Gawds and ask them for help with your stock portfolio...invest in something good...think of what we always need and putcha money on that. Your song for this moon cycle is "Money don't matter 2 nite" - Prince. It matters for you right now fa sho

Taurus - This new moon is giving you all the goodies baby. Things are stacking up on the luxe level, the coins and the bae. Enjoy all this goodness and be grateful for it. Call in support to stay in a good mood and trust the process. You don't want to spoil your pot of gold before you even have a chance to spend some of it. Stay tuned into the light and spread that love on the people who support you since they may not be as abundant as you are these days. Your song for this moon cycle is "D.M.S.R."  - Prince. Because you want it and need it .

Gemini - It's your time baby!!! Your sun, your moon, your eclipse. One would think its a good time to throw a big ass party and invite all 10,000 of your fans but no. You get to have a seat...a Royal seat, a luxurious birthday seat but a seat nonetheless. This is a quiet time, a relaxing time an alone time. Yeah I know this don't sound like a fun birthday but your body and soul is begging and pleading for it. Listen for once cause the fuck shit is lueming in the background waiting for you to step out. We want you safe, hydrated and refreshed this trip around the sun. Call in peace this moon cycle and allow it to be just that. Your song this moon cycle is "Shhhhhh" - Prince. For encouragement to lay around in luxury and quiet.

Cancer - You've been on the receiving end for the last few moon cycles in some way now it's time to give back. Make sure the people who show up and show out for you know that you love them. Do something special to brighten their day. They will be shocked that you even care and that makes this even more special. You are very good at receiving now lets see you give where it counts. Call in abundance in all its forms so you never feel like you are lacking in anything. This will keep your spirits up when this moon fuck your emotions up. Your song this moon cycle is "I Wish You Heaven" - Prince.  So you feel prayed on when you get sad

Leo - The sun might be setting on your old job/career and the Black moon might be rising on a new opportunity. If you like what you're doing great but if you don't this is a good time to start looking. Call in work that is in alignment with your heart. You should be working smarter, not harder. Make sure your intentions reflect something better than what you currently got going on. Your moon song this cycle is "Let's Work" - Prince

Virgo - Be excited about life dear one. Life is worth living. You can tend to stay on the brooding side of things and aint no fun over there. I dare you to take a walk on the wildside...just pack up and go. I feel the grin on your face now. There is a whole world out there waiting on you, go see it while you can still fully enjoy it. Call in Adventure Time, alone, with bae or with some friends. Your song this moon cycle is " Party Up" - Prince

Libra - You deserve to have your needs met. This comes up in a real way this cycle. Make sure your boundaries are known with the people close to you so they can avoid your explosive outburst when you reach your limit. Call in the support you need to make your dreams come true, ask for the help to stop procrastinating and actually get some shit done. Your song this moon cycle is " Good Love" - Prince. It's clear you need some.

Scorpio - Have a clear-the-air day with bae, or housemates or the kids. This ain't a time to bite your tongue. Ion mean pop off, just don't let small irritants pile up. Speak to your beloveds and get back to having fun cause that what hot human summer is all about.  Call in cooperation with the fam so all this talking you gotta do is worth it. Your song this moon cycle is "Gett Off" cause why not since you're so good at it *wink*

Sagittarius - You're coming in Hot to new and old flames and that's dope. You workin workin working day and night and that's securing the bag. But where is selfcare on the list? You can't forget you in all this. Call in a break and body work so you don't blow a flat tire on the side of the road within ya self. ya dig? May your care be just as important and the people you take care of. If you are ok they will be ok...okay. Your song for this moon cycle is "Forever In My Life"- Prince. So you make sure you are forever on the got damn schedule umkay!

Capricorn - Love is calling your name Capricorn. Stay open to the possibilities of love or at the very least tenderness and sweetness. You act like a hard ass but your creamy center is showing. This will let the ones who like but are a lil scared of you come out of the closet and make a move. Try not to be too awkward and allow some goodness to pour over on you. Call in the courage to say what you need in these new interactions. If a muthalova baulks when you speak your truth it ain't the end of the damn world this just ain't your person. Just move on and dont make it mean nothing. Your song for this moon is "Somebody's Somebody" - Prince

Aquarius - Your emo flag is flying high. It's ok to wanna be with family, it's ok to reminisce on the good times. It's ok to wanna feel loved and appreciated, It's also ok to stop doing too much so you don't get sick or hurt. Sit down somewhere and relax. The streets will wait for you. Call in spa treatments or long dead sea salt soaks at home. Your song this moon cycle is "I Feel For You" because we love you!

Pisces - Life got you wide open. You workin, you socializing, you doing all the things. Life is lifin' and you're making the best of it. At the end of the day it feels good to be in the flow of it all. Call in the inner knowing and innerstanding so you don't get distracted and fall off. Trust the process and enjoy the journey. Your song this cycle is "Trust" - Prince. Trust you know what you're doing even if you never did it before. The creator brought you this far trust that she is taking you to the next level too.

Personal Message: Do you want this pot of tea in your inbox twice a month. If so you also get a personal reading at the end of the pot. To subscribe for the next 3 months send your $150 to either of these payment sites with "Subscription" in the notes so you never miss a pot of tea. Cashapp $bushmamaafrica of Venmo: ReshawnGoods@omimagic

Extra Sips of Tea -

Crystal

Blue Kyanite is perfect for this New Moon and Eclipse energy because it helps you make sense of the unstable transmission of communication due to the retrogrades, You can tap into hidden potential in yourself and spiritually you can use this to really connect with the positive unseen forces around you to help you manifest greatness in your life. Use this stone with your ritual to call in your needs and wants with clean clarity. 

Herb

Make a pot of fresh Mint Tea before bed to relax your muscles, to aid in your digestion and get rid of headaches. This tea will be extra soothing to your mind and body. We all need this balm soul calming tea to deal with the double air energy brewing right now. Have extra cups this week.

 

Yes Gemini Tea. PRINCE songs. I had too