#really hoping that people engage with this so I can figure out whether it's worth continuing !

[inkovert]

SPILLED INK SATURDAY 》 Writeblr Discourse Series

Session 1: Book-to-Screen Adaptations

Welcome to our first session of Spilled Ink (get it? like spilled tea?), a new writeblr discourse series that I'm excited to introduce into the community. I wanted to start this series to generate some discussion and camaraderie within the writeblr community, but also because I think there are a lot of writer/reader/author-related topics and debates that crop up pretty frequently and I figured it would be interesting to hear thoughts and opinions on these matters from a writer's perspective.

So every Saturday (or potentially every other Saturday depending on how things go), I will post a topic of discussion. If you would like to participate in the discussion, you can do so one of two ways:

➸ Return to the OG post (which will always be linked in the title of the post) and reblog with your take on the topic, either in text or in the tags

➸ If you see someone's take on your feed and you want to chime in on something they said, feel free to reblog their response

I want to stress that the purpose of this series is to have healthy, open-minded dialogue about these topics and hear perspectives that you may not have considered otherwise. I think one of the beautiful things about writeblr is that it's rich with people from a diverse set of backgrounds and experiences who can lend a wider perspective on the subjects discussed. That said, I'm asking that everyone who chooses to participate please be respectful when providing your opinion or when responding to someone else's. Everyone is entitled to their opinion, no matter how strong it is, but there's a difference between being opinionated and being borderline rude and antagonizing. Racism, sexism, homophobia, transphobia or hateful speech of any kind will not be condoned or tolerated. I want to set that bar straight now because future sessions will touch on topics such as race and sexuality, so I will always have this reminder at the top of the post for each session. I truly want this to be a safe space for people to share their thoughts freely and not be afraid to speak up, so just please be mindful of your words in your responses.

With that out of the way, the discourse question for our first session is:

How do you feel about the frequency with which books are adapted to movies/tv shows these days?

You know what I mean. When you open any social media platform these days and you're immediately bombarded with ads for the latest tv show or movie being released on Hulu or Paramount+. I've often wondered if writers or up-and-coming authors have any personal feelings about this. Do you find it exciting? Does it make you hopeful that your work could one day be on the big screen? Or is it a bit...irksome? Or are you completely indifferent?

Reblog and share your thoughts. Mine will be under the cut, below. 👇🏾

・❥・

I know it may seem like something absolutely trivial and harmless to some, so perfectly understandable if people are indifferent about it all. But I personally find it irksome.

I could be wrong about the increased frequency of book-to-screen adaptations compared to 10 years prior, but for me personally it feels like it's increased quite a lot. I feel like I'll see a book hyped by booktok and/or other online book communities all over my social media feed one minute, and the next minute it's announced that it's headed for the big screen. And for the author's in question, I'm sure it's thrilling, because it provides the exposure that authors need nowadays to sell their books and their brand. But it bothers me because...well, for a number of reasons.

Firstly, it makes it more and more evident that the movie/tv industry is running out of ideas. How often do we hear about some 90s/00s TV show being rebooted for god-knows-why when no one asked for it? It's not a secret that the entertainment industry is running on fumes when it comes to generating original ideas for the screen. And the same way that reboots are a lazy way of pumping out entertainment for a consumerist audience, outsourcing ideas from authors because you can't think of your own is also just that - lazy. And the consequence of that, I feel, is that authors will begin to write stories with the intention that it will be visually consumed, thereby feeding into that book-to-screen pipeline.

I recently read a book from a sci-fi author whose novels I really enjoyed in the past, but with each new release of his the quality of his books decreased just a bit. And with the latest book of his I read, it was easy to pinpoint why. It was clear as day that he had written the book with the idea/intention that it would be put on the screen. I don't know how to quite describe it, but it felt like I was reading a screenplay, with certain storytelling elements ignored and with action scenes written like cue cards for an actor. It was like a slapdash job with the note "fix it in post" slapped onto it. And it was just so...disappointing. Not only as a reader, but as a writer. Writers are free to write screenplays, but they are considered screenwriters, not authors, and the craft that is required for each medium is a bit different. Neither is superior to the other, but there's a depth that goes into writing a novel or short story that isn't necessarily needed for a screenplay because the screenwriter will work in collaboration with the director and others to carry out the vision (I'm happy to have screenwriters on writeblr chime in on whether this is true, because I'm speaking off my own understanding, not known experiences). The end product of a screenplay is a visual. Whereas the end product for a novel is the novel itself, and how it stimulates the readers imagination. If we get more novels written with the intention of being translated to a visual medium, then all the typically necessary components like description, exposition etc no longer become necessary. I'm not saying that this is happening just yet. There are many quality novels that have received screen adaptations recently (Pachinko, A Man Called Ove etc), but luckily those authors were dedicated to the craft of writing and storytelling first. The movie and tv deals were an added bonus that came after. But what happens when you have an emergence of authors who have those priorities in reverse? Movie deal first to increase my exposure and worry about good storytelling second? It inevitably causes a change in the writing landscape (that I argue is already happening (see: future discourse session), and not necessarily for the better.

[gentlebeardsbarngrill]

01/20/2024 Crew Recap

TLDR; David Jenkins Message on IG; How you can help; Contacting Netflix, Prime, AppleTV; General Guidelines for Wooing Networks; New Hashtags; UK Crew Updates; Petition/Fundraiser Status; Articles; Extras; Rhys' Stiddy

=== Chaos Dad's Message ===

David Jenkins messaged us FRIENDS and gave us a new heading to steer the ship for the crew. Truly an amazing and sweet message, and helping give @renewasacrew a good place to start on new networks.

== How you can help ==

So based on Chaos Dad's tweet, what the folks over at @renewasacrew have recommended is we focus our efforts on Netflix, AmazonStudios, and Apple TV. We'll be polite menacing but also doing some more specific wooing this time so please see below for more information.

= Reach out to Netflix =

You can reach out to Netflix Here.

= Reach out to Apple TV =

You can reach out to apple tv by going here.

= Amazon Prime: Thank you @mermaid-stede for this write up: =

1) if you have an Amazon account, go to My Stuff > Settings > Help & Feedback > Provide Feedback

2) If you don't, write here

3) might as well try their customer service 888 280-4331, using the same strategy from above (though you might need an Amazon account)

4) and here's an email! complaints@amazon.co.uk

Amazon.com: AIV Website Feedback Form

DIGPRJSURVEY.AMAZON.COM

You can see more of their write ups here

=New Hashtags=

#AdoptOurCrew #RenewAsACrew #SaveOFMD

Things to remember:

Only Message 1 of the 3 networks at once. We are wooing them, they want to be enticed, not included in a crowd. If you are reaching out to one, make sure to reach out to all three (just separately)

Be Polite, this is a bit of a different strategy from max, we WANT these people to pick us up, we're not grumpy at them.

Yes you can use season 3 and beyond, use the same terminology David Jenkins did.

More specific info from folks regarding the things to remember:

=== UK Crew ===

Great job everyone! Your efforts made a difference! Thanks for the update @lamentus1!

Something else to mention for our UK and International Friends that are reaching out via social networks or email/phone:

=Daily Engagement Reminder!=

Our Flag Means Death Wikipedia Page

Google Search for Our Flag Means Death

Google UK Search for Our Flag Means Death

Our Flag Means Death IMDB

=== Petition / Fundraiser Status ===

Petition: ALMOST at 75K!

Renew as a Crew - Benefiting Rainbow Youth is fully funded at $17K!

OFFP Care for Gaza - HITS $10K!!!! Great job all!

=== New Articles ===

Fans Declare War Against Warner Bros., Light Up Times Square for Beloved Show

Our Flag Means Death’s Renewal Campaign Lands Times Square Billboard

=== Other Stuff ===

Some BTS from Vico's IG reels

=Wanna help out our fellow cancelees?=

Sign the Petition for Rap Sh!t!

-------------------------------------------------------------

So Dad's message kind of blew everything else out of the water today, there were some sightings of various crew on the web but most of them were reactions to David's reel so I figured it probably wasn't worth adding today. Thank you as usual to the @renewasacrew team, and @TheCozyPirate for all their steering and insight and helping make these pivots possible each day!

-------------------------------------------------------------

Side note: I saw a lot of really great stuff today-- people focused more on action with the renewal and starting to discuss fun things more and more, less dealing with trolls. I hope that means you all are getting some rest and avoiding some of the crazy shit going on.

Seriously, you're doing amazing. David sees it, the cast sees it, the crew sees it, we all see it. You should all feel super proud of yourself for all the hard work you're doing, whether it's just enjoying the show, being active in the renewal efforts, or just being you.

Please continue to make art, and fics, and goofy memes, and silly videos, and everything. Your creativity is so inspiring and fun and it keeps us all sane! (Also please share them with me I love them.)

On that note, here's Rhys grabbing one of those Stiddies.

Gif courtesy of ofmd-ann's post here

[txttletale]

Do you have any videogames with strong narrative and story elements you'd be willing to recommend?

sure. i mostly care about games on the basis of their narrative and story, as far as i'm concerned the best gameplay is whatever complements that. here's my top ten:

pyre, by supergiant games

pyre's story is incredible. it's about people who've been exiled from society, and the things they build in exile, and whether society was really worth all that much in the end. it makes you make really genuinely difficult choices--i once deliberately threw a fight in this game because one of my party members asked me to--and it embraces failure as a mechanism by which the story can be advanced instead of ground to a halt.

disco elysium, by ZA/UM studios

if you've followed me for any period of time you've probably seen me talking about disco elysium. it's a masterful work of magical realism, it's melancholy and bleak and hopeful. it's about communism and cryptids. it's about all these things but it's nominally about being an amnesiac detective investigating a murder in a bleak post-soviet city that's been ransacked and occupied by international capital. and it's also very funny

heaven will be mine, by Worst Girls Games

heaven will be mine is about gay sex. it’s about other things but mostly it’s about gay sex. it’s about transgender lesbian mecha pilots fighting and fucking each other in their big robots which are metaphors for body dysmorphia and self-image and violence and hopes about the future. it genuinely reckons with the sci-fi genre and what it represents. every ending is a good ending because the characters will not let even the worst disaster be a bad ending.

hypnospace outlaw, by Tendershoot

hypnospace outlaw makes you a forum mod on a simulated early-2000s internet platform that you can only access in your dreams. it’s less about a linear narrative and more about getting to learn about characters through the strange and oddly intimiate things they post on their webzones. if you’ve met people you care about through the internet it will resonate with you.

paradise killer, by Kaizen Game Works

paradise killer is a murder mystery with no ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ answer. don’t get me wrong, there’s an answer to the mystery--it’s possible to conclusively identify the murderer. but you can also walk into the trial the moment the game starts, accuse the obvious stitch-up suspect, present the circumstancial evidence you’ve been handed by shifty players, and get him sentenced. the game won’t stop you. imagine if instead of funelling you towards getting the ‘right’ answers in order to progress, ace attorney all hinged on what evidence you chose to present and how. the game won’t stop you from being wrong! figure out the truth yourself, or don’t bother--you’re an immortal blood cultist cop, you won’t be the one suffering the consequernces of your mistakes.

the beginner’s guide, by Davey Wreden

the beginner’s guide presses you up right against the wall by your lapels and demands: why are you playing this? how do you interact with art? what can you say about an artist from their work? is it right or fair to say anything at all? is the way you engage with the things you love healthy? it’s best enjoyed blind so i won’t say anything other than that--but it made me cry.

if not us, by ubq4

a tragedy that will pulverize you. interactive fiction about the aftermath of five doomed heroes failing to save the world. does really interesting things with IF gameplay to convey different emotions and perspectives. made me cry more or less the entire time i played it. beautiful prose delivered perfectly.

dujanah, by Jack King-Spooner

a surreal claymation genre-mashup story about grief and death. dujanah is looking for her dead husband and child in a world that’s sometimes whimsical and sometimes nightmarish. the shifting dreamlike atmosphere makes this game’s political points more pointedly and acutely than any amount of gritty realism could. there’s nothing else like it

cultist simulator, by Weather Factory

this isn’t a narrative linear game--it’s a roguelike card type thing, but it creates such a rich and textured world with an economy of writing that is absolutely fucking mindblowing. a few sentences at most are dedicated to any given topic, and put together they weave an incredible tapestry of the first interesting ‘cosmic horror’ setting to be invented for what feels like decades. (nb: the main writer of this game, alexis kennedy, stands accused of some pretty slimy shitty stuff--so be aware of that and look into it before playing it, probably)

suzerain, by Torpor Games

suzerain is a visual novel cleverly disguised as a strategy game. it’s not about moving armies around a board or building units or planning out cities--it’s about playing the character of anton rayne, newly elected president in a pseudo-Eastern European country caught between superpowers. the only good game about politics, you’re really forced to juggle multiple different allies and enemies at once, decide which political hills to die on, or risk being assassinated, couped, or invaded. if you like political intrigue and drama, this is where it’s at.

honorable mentions: Transistor (Supergiant Games) and Shadowrun Hong Kong (Harebrained Schemes)

transistor is a game with fascinating themes and a flawless sense of tone. its world feels so vivid and unqiue, and the ideas it plays with are fascinating--but ultimately i feel like it’s more style than substance. that fucking style though, unimpeachable. shadowrun hong kong on the other hand has a fairly weak narrative but some incredibly well-drawn and interesting characters and the rare totally (for me at least, ymmv) succesful integration of a pre-established backstory with freeform character creation.

[max1461]

To a first approximation, I think philosophy is basically "thinking not (yet) categorized as something else". Maybe this view will piss off everyone. But it's certainly the case that historically, many fields of study started out being considered subfields of philosophy (the natural sciences, logic, psychology... in the Western tradition, everything but math and history, it would seem) before acquiring enough of their own character and/or cultural status to be considered something else.

You can see this as a positive or a negative fact about philosophy, but I think it's basically neutral. Philosophy is what we call it when people are trying to figure something out, but their efforts have not yet acquired a distinct cultural or institutional position, or strongly unique set of characterizing methodologies, or so on. And naturally there are going to be topics like this. Any time you start asking questions that you're not exactly sure how to approach, that's philosophy. Maybe that's not all philosophy is: there are certainly some methodologies more-or-less unique to it. But I contend that they are not characteristic of it. That is to say, they coexist with "hey, I just thought up this question and I'm not sure exactly how to answer it but I'm just gonna start contemplating it, I suppose, and hope I get somewhere".

And it's like... that will always exist! You can stop calling it philosophy, but people will always need to contemplate a bit to answer new questions, whether some more specific methodology presents itself later or not. And this role as a catch-all title for "contemplating things not otherwise categorized" means that I think criticisms of philosophy as an endeavor are sort of uniquely meaningless. Philosophy isn't anything in particular! It's just whatever!

Certainly you can critique philosophy as a set of institutions that presently exist, or you can critique specific schools of thought, or whatever. But... if you're a scientist, you are doing science when you make models and test them, when you are calculating something or running an experiment, or planning for such, etc. But you also have to think about science on a meta-level, just because people always have to think about what they are doing on a meta-level to some degree. And when you do that, you are engaged in the same methodological thing as philosophers of science, although you might not be reading their papers or whatever. To critique this as a general activity seems almost meaningless.

Likewise if you are a mathematician, you think at least somewhat about philosophy of math. You can't not, even if you don't call it that. You have to have some thoughts on, e.g., what mathematical abstractions are, just from looking at them all day every day. If you're a historian you have to think about what constitutes a good historical argument and good historical evidence. If you're an artist you will think about what you want out of your art, what you're making it for. Etc.

I expect objections from both philosophers and decided non-philosophers to this point, but I think it's really essentially correct at its core. Everyone is always doing a little bit of the thing that philosophers do officially, you can't get through life without doing it, and indeed if you take a strong decided position against it you would appear to in that choice be doing it!

This has all been said before. But I do think it's worth saying again.

[thelediz]

Spoiler warning: I write happy endings

So I’ve been reading this fic series which is actually just one very long story that for some reason the author has decided to break into separate stories EVEN THOUGH you cannot feasibly read one without context. Believe me, I have tried to skip stories only to end up confused because I have clearly missed a plot point. Seriously, why is this a thing people do, it's so frustrating and -

I have been reading this fic series.

It’s really good, and I really enjoy the author’s writing style. I find it super easy to read, and I want to know how the story ends. But each time I read a chapter story, I walk away feeling low-key annoyed, anxious, or upset. And I find myself wondering, this morning, why am I doing this? I am not actually enjoying this story, so why am I still reading?

When I interrogate myself about it, I realise I’m falling into the same trap I often do with fiction: I want to know how the story ends, so I’m tolerating lots of things I don’t like in the HOPE it will end well.

This is actually why I like spoilers. Because if I know how a story ends, and I know the character motivations, then I know whether the journey to get there is going to be worth the pain.

At the moment, with this fic, I don’t. Because it’s told entirely from the perspective of a very unreliable narrator, and this particular author has never written from any point of view except this character’s. So I don’t even have context clues to tell me what this author thinks of the other characters and their motivations. And as the story goes on, while I am becoming increasingly certain that we’re not supposed to trust this character’s perspective, it’s just a constant slow build of tension, all from this one character, who I increasingly dislike.

Now, the story can be saved, I think, if something happens and the narrator is forced to confront the things I’m not liking about them. If the other main character can be rounded out and properly seen. But that’s not going to happen until a climax that I keep waiting for and not getting. Right now, I'm not even sure the things I dislike are supposed to be bad things! Sometimes I think I'm supposed to feel sorry for the poor baby! (I don't and will not)

I don’t personally write fanfic about characters I don’t like, and I wouldn’t want to write a story about a character or relationship that’s objectively doomed. Doomed by their personal perspective, maybe, (get loved Alastor) but I just really personally dislike unhappy endings.

That’s what the real world is for. Entertainment is supposed to entertain and comfort and give me hope.

I don’t read or watch things that I know won’t end well, even if I know they’re amazing works of art. Which is unfortunate, because it means I miss out on a lot of the zeitgeist, but it makes me a happier and more hopeful person.

So I read spoilers, so that I know, in the end, there is going to be a happy ending, and these are the characters I should be rooting for. If I have to engage with something I won’t enjoy, I can quietly disengage and disassociate and let it wash past.

But here I am, with this story series that I’m not enjoying, waiting for a happy ending I’m currently pretty sure won’t come.

I need to break up with this thing and it is so much easier said than done.

Harrumph.

So for those who read my stories, here is a blanket spoiler: I believe in happy endings. It may take a while to get there, whether literally or figuratively, but I always believe in happy endings. So please, judge my silly fics purely on the characterisation, the dialogue, and my incredibly poor proof reading, because it’s always going to end with someone smiling somewhere.

I hope that’s a comfort to someone.

[tinywitchgoblin]

Hello there! (general kenobi) I would like a ship if you don't mind? 👀

I don't want to say my exact age but I'm an adult cis female, I'm short (5ft nothing 😂) and a bit curvy (thicc thighs and a big chest lmao). I have hazel eyes, glasses, and light brown hair that's about 3 inches past my shoulders.

I'm a huge nerd and I love to read, I've been learning to crochet, and I like to play video games, watch movies and anime, TV shows, and of course enjoy just scrolling through tumblr and reddit, etc and geeking out about my favorite fandoms. I love animals and nature as well, and I dote on my two cats like they're my children. I also love flowers and it would be a dream to have a big garden someday!

I'm definitely an introvert and tend to prefer small groups of friends and more quiet environments. I struggle with anxiety and can be nervous and shy around people I don't know. Sometimes I can appear standoffish but I'm not!! I'm nice, I'm just really shy!! I tend to be quiet and listen a lot until I feel comfortable with someone and then I slowly start letting my personality out. I love when someone can make me laugh, and I love to make people laugh too. When I really start to like someone I tend to show it subtly at first, maybe dropping flirty compliments here and there (calling them cute, etc) and listening to their interests, and making an effort to engage in those interests. I love giving them little gifts that I know they will appreciate (I'm big on "I saw this and thought of you" energy). I love hugs!!! As well as other signs of gentle physical affection like cuddling and hand holding, forehead kisses, having my back rubbed or fingers run through my hair.

I struggle with self-worth as well, and I tend to feel like I can be clingy and annoying once I'm really comfortable with someone, and I always fear that I will drive them away or they will get tired of dealing with me. I tend to withdraw sometimes when these feelings get the best of me. Kind words and reassurance that I'm valued and loved help a ton.

I hope that's enough lol! Thank you for doing this, I know I will love whatever ship you give me. :)

gENerAl kENoBi lmao

I ship you with...

Crosshair!

Something very, very few people know about Crosshair is that he loves cats. Like, a lot. He really relates to them in the sense that he also likes to be independent and have space from people, but he has a select few people that he trusts and enjoys being around (being his siblings- and now you!). So when he finds out about your cats, he just had to meet them. Once he met them, they and he were practically inseparable. That was the moment you knew that you'd found a good one; a man who likes cats is a man worth keeping. Anyway, he loves sneaking them treats when you're not looking, and sometimes you'll find him asleep on the couch with your two fur babies curled up next to him. He's (affectionately) threatened to shoot you if you were to tell anyone, but it's something you like keeping to yourself- being able to see that side of him is almost sacred, and it's something you treat with respect.

When he lost his hand, Crosshair had a difficult time adjusting to life with only one hand. When you showed him that you were learning to crochet, he was really upset and frustrated that he wouldn't be able to crochet with you, but that wasn't about to stop him. His stubborn ass did some research and figured out how to crochet with one hand, and now it's something the two of you bond over. One of your favorite ways to bond is just sitting there, crocheting, not a care in the world (except making sure the cats don't destroy all of the yarn).

Crosshair never thought he would ever get the opportunity to settle down and have a peaceful life, but that's exactly what he gets to have with you. You mentioned to him at one point about wanting to have a large garden of your own, and you and he work towards making that a reality. You figure out what types of plants you'd like to grow, whether that be flowers, vegetables/fruits, something else, or a combination, and you get to work. Making sure that all of the plants had the right amount of sun/shade and water took a bit of work and some trial and error, but you finally figured it out. Sometimes Omega and the kids come over and help out with the gardening, whether it be watering, weeding, or other stuff, they enjoy helping out, too, and both you and Crosshair love having them over.

Crosshair is very good at reading people and understanding them from nonverbal cues, and that ends up being very helpful in your relationship. He can sense when you're getting anxious and/or struggling with your self-worth. At first, he isn't sure how to help you feel better, so he kinda just sits there and holds you, letting you take what you need. Eventually, as he gets to know you more and spends more time with you, he understands why you're feeling insecure and will readily reassure you that no, you're not clingy, and no, you're not driving him away. Again, he's stubborn as hell, and will stop at nothing to make you feel better. Whether it be through kind words or meaningful actions, Crosshair wants nothing more for you than your happiness, and seeing you happy again makes him feel happy, too.

-

Thanks for reading! If you want a ship request like this, drop it in my ask box (but it may take a while to get to), and don't forget to reblog <3

[asksoldieron]

SO-12: The Spirit of Harpo Marx

If there's a lot of engagement on this, this post is liable to get real long, beware before you expand.

Welcome to the Engagement Lounge, for Alight at the Window (SO-12) an instalment! Short comments can go in the replies, but there's a 475 character limit. Longer ones will need a reblog. Remember to @asksoldieron if you're reblogging someone else's reblog, so I can see it too!

Awwwwww, ya know? Awwwwww ���️!

Poor Erik is in ⚡🔋no shape🔋⚡ to communicate, but he's doing his best. Maggie has no idea whether he's messing with her on purpose, or what's wrong with him, but she won't let him go. They'll get to him eventually. (I've just finished that part, actually. They've got him! Uh. Sorta. At least he's... safe now? 😅Oh, I can't say that with a straight face.)

This is the last of my queued posts/instalments, and I have no idea where my reading and drawing ability will be when it goes live. If I can't update you on my condition (and the condition of the next six instalments) I'll hafta have the spouse type a note for me. I want to do six more right away, or I might take a two week break, or - if I'm really struggling - it'll be a break of indeterminate length. I hope I'll be okay to just keep going, my Patrons have been so patient this year. Thanks, y'all.

But, either way, there will be a break at some point, because I'll have a while where I can't write or draw and that's going to eat up my backlog. Also, recent updates have done more stupid things to my theme and I think the site needs a redesign - maybe including some radical simplification. I'm just not mobile friendly and I can't make the current format behave. People with better eyesight than me do a lot of reading on their phones.

I have no idea how to build a community and I'm flailing, really, but maybe if I can get the interface more convenient, more people will like me? (I have no idea. Probably they won't.)

Look, though! You've got some extra art to tide you over! And a song!

I'm not in love with how Erik's design looks right now - he looks like a train wreck, but he should look like a train wreck. Nobody is going to fix his hair. I still feel self-conscious about it. He used to be cute. I've got to do a full-body rendering of how he'll clean up, but I don't have time for it now.

However, I did do a page of something trying to get comfortable with his ability to emote in train reck form. I don't have time to finish it, but I think it looks cool so I'm sharing.

This is potentially a way for me to serve you the music without lyric backgrounds that you can't read! It's very labour-intensive, but I was figuring out how to do it and it might get a little easier with practice. Also, my current tablet is struggling with the resolution and I plan to update it by the end of the year - depending on sale prices.

After I saw Hedwig and the Angry Inch, I found out the original Off-Broadway incarnation had filked music with lyrics by John Cameron Mitchell. 🥹😊I'm calling it! This is something other people sharing my identity do to tell their stories! Filk musicals are an enby thing! We do not give a shit about the music industry's copyrights! I'm performing nonbinary correctly!

So here's the lyrics again, and maybe I'll give you the rest in comic form as my vision and my tools improve.

You Are Found! (based on "We Are Young" by fun.) I need a minute, I… I don’t know if I’m ready yet I’m tryin’ to get my shit together, Maggie, please don’t be upset My family must be looking for me somewhere very near Guess I knew you must be coming but I can’t believe you’re here, and… It’s been forever since I’ve seen your face I know you want to take me home But although it hurts to do this work they need my help for what it’s worth —  Oh, gods I’m not sure if I wanna go So maybe if, next time you see me, You can take me by the hand, You’ll steal me away At last I am found So I guess the party’s over Time to get sober, and come down At last I am found So I guess the party’s over Time to get sober, and come down No, I wanna go home I’m just not done I guess that I, I just hoped We could visit and I’d get right back to work But I can’t go yet So I must forget 'Cause I think you’ll hafta steal me away At last I am found So I guess the party’s over Time to get sober, and come down At last I am found So I guess the party’s over Time to get sober, and come down Steal me away at last (na na na na na na) Come steal me away at last (na na na na na na) Steal me away at last (na na na na na na) Come steal me away at last (na na na na na na) The gods have their own plan (na na na na na na) But I’m just one weary man (na na na na na na) So you're gonna hafta steal me away at last (na na na na na na) I have so much to do (na na na na na na) How can I go with you? (na na na na na na) So you're gonna hafta steal me away (na na na na na na) At last I am found So I guess the party’s over Time to get sober, and come down At last I am found So I guess the party’s over Time to get sober, and come down So maybe if, next time you see me, You can take me by the hand You’ll steal me away at last

See you soon! Ha, I hope!

Late edit: Two week break, folks. No drawing ability yet, so we're stuck with it. I still hope to get you the next six by the end of the year. I'll keep you posted!

[Back to Site?]

[craske]

I don't want to sound pretentious when i say all this (and this ended up being really long??), but i really do think you don't need to uphold your online presence so consciously, or even at all. There's nothing wrong with being "inactive" because trying to show up for everything is some sick standard social media made up. Maybe it might be difficult to uphold an idgaf personality, but i can say from my experience it could be better to try a little bit at a time. I can say that they really do mean it when you can have quiet admirers, from my experience all the more. Maybe they're too shy to put silly tags when they reblog or just put a like on your post. And I don't think you have to worry too much about sticking to one piece of media and be afraid the people following you won't like you anymore for posting different content. At most, I just believe they won't really care enough to unfollow you or stop engaging entirely. The most important thing to me is that you stick around doing the things you actually want to do, even if you're just showing up every month or so, or black out for a year or more. Because the people who do care will be overjoyed to see you whatever you post or share, especially when you come back after a long time. It really is discouraging when you don't see that actively, maybe because we're so used to seeing numbers that relate to our worth. But i like to imagine we're waving at each other from a distance or smiling through a window, as horrid as online landscapes can be nowadays. I know i'm running my mouth here but i just wanted to share my experience because i um. 🙋 also think youre really cool and awesome and i love whatever work you do and the fact you share it is an amazing thing enough i feel privelaged and youre humor is funny and whatever new stuff you post is just introducing me to things i'll also think is cool down the line and i really do wish i can share my appericiation more and evolve from being a quiet admirer /inhales/ 👍 i would say this is a sort of love letter from the gas station but i also mean it as kai 👋 i hope you're doing well in uni or that it gets better soon or in whatever it is youre doing now. and whether or not youre online, i hope youre doing the things you enjoy 🫶

okay i needed some time to figure out how to respond to this ask because theres a lot (in a /pos way dont worry) so ill start off with saying that i really really and i do mean it Really appreciate what you said here. Especially lately, ive been struggling with being active online outside of small spaces where there are just me and a few other people. might be me feeling overwhelmed when i say something into the void with a high chance of no response, though i wont fault anyone for that. i myself know interaction is scary so i do get it. ever since i started using the internet ive stuck to my small online bubbles so yeah interaction kind of intimidating online

and though i agree it does feel discouraging to sometimes see no feedback or much of a reaction, i try not to be bummed out about it myself because im also a silent admirer of many artists online. so like ive said before i do understand that sometimes people are shy and dont interact directly and theres no pressure really to change that. just the idea that there are people that like what i make is really nice, even though i suffer from the same issue that maaany other artists have and i need to actively remind myself of that.

about sticking to one fandom its a very recent but big issue to me because ive been DEEP in the persona pit for like 4 years, and i certainly built an audience around that. i know there will always be people that stick around no matter what but despite that theres always that nagging feeling that maaybe things will crumble. obviously thats not true but human mind fucking SUCKS

as the final note ill say it again that your message means a lot to me and i thank you a lot for it <333 im soo flattered by your words and they made my past two days, thank you soo much

[lavender-teardroplettes]

Lily’s question box is closed so I cannot talk to them about my concerns and you are the main person engaging it it. You don’t seem to understand my words and maybe it is my translation error but speaking about hate will keep bringing it up and encourage anonymous to continue doing it. But if you ignore it they will get tired and leave. When Lily turned off anonymous last time you can tell that all the issues died down until recently because we keep doing the cycle of repeating. If we keep talking about the anonymous hate it will never end. So many other people like me are expressing our concerns on other blogs but no one is listening to us and the problem is still remaining. I am not telling you to block every anon only the rude ones so they will stop coming back to bother everyone. This is an upsetting issue in the community and I want you to understand that. An addition is that I am not blaming Lily. Only to see that they have an impressionable platform full of good followers and bad. If we keep putting this issue in front of them it will only create more problems for us and the community. Look at all bigger developers like zeekerss or Toby fox with how they are a solo creator but do not interact with the anonymous. This is why I am asking you to stop addressing the bad anons not the good ones who come to you with real opinion and questions like me. for an example ,why can we not try new things in the community? Hateful anonymous will never change but we can. We can shape the community and do better instead of circulating same problems over and over each time. I am sorry you have got racist words and I hope my English has not said anything bad. I do not want to be rude to you.

I won't unfollow you but I will stop reloading my home screen now. So if I do not respond again it is because I am gone for my real life priorities. Good morning once more and thank you for talking with me.

The issues don’t die down because Lily closed their ask box- other people were still receiving it whether they posted them or not. And they didn’t stop at all either when they turned off anon, people just continued to make side blogs and throwaways no matter how many times Lily blocked them. I just wasn’t targeted after shutting down a specific one that I should have admittedly blocked first and posted a screenshot of their ask just to collect the tumblr and put a faster stop to things. I’m the main person engaging because I’m open to actually talking with people and have gotten a majority of the asks all around.

I’m not misunderstanding your words- I do not believe that ignoring or not speaking out against hate does anything but encourage more people to do it and as someone who knows how aware the world was during 2016-2020 in the US- and even now with what’s happening currently in the world. I refuse to just ignore hate and let people get away with it. I encourage people to be mature adults, to better understand social environments as growing people and to reconsider how they approach things if their first reaction is to be hateful. It- more often than not- stems from underlining issues that need to be addressed and possibly helped through therapy, and I hope that people are able to get to a point where they’re better in their lives than they are now. I know it might seem impossible in the moment, but as someone how has personally grown through many hardships, it’s worth pressing on and figuring out who you really are under all your confusion and possibly misplaced feelings.

Trying to compare indie developers to people like Toby Fox(using him because I don’t know the other person listed)- who worked within the Homestuck community, which, btw and had one of the most toxic communities as noted by internet history and has first hand experience with a lot of this- doesn’t compare well. They have communities that are too big to handle and have been left to self regulation long before a fandom ever fully collected for Undertale. The most we can do as indie developers without a paid PR team and essentially having to do it ourselves and as creators with a bigger collections of followers is to steer people away from the same behaviors shown in those bigger communities and to encourage those in smaller pockets that are within the community to not stoop to those same levels and lows. It’s the most we can do if we’re going to have a community or fandom at all.

I know it’s an upsetting issue in the community, but that’s why we have to keep talking about it to discourage people from doing the same actions going further. Ignoring it doesn’t do anything but allow it to happen again. New people will continue to enter the community and possibly make the same mistakes in trying to send anon hate and there needs to be more of a precedent to shut that down and remove those sorts of people. You don’t get to have fun with us if this is how you’re going to act- essentially.

And I don’t think you’re being rude to me, I’m just sharing my perspective. Im gonna go to bed now, have a good rest of your day. 🫂

[borinaga-jessa]

Unlocking Life Lessons - Exploring Must-Watch Kdramas

Hi, I'd like to introduce myself. My name is Jessa, and I am 20 years old. I want to share some must-watch Kdramas and the lessons I have learned that have helped me in my self-improvement, growth, realization, and insights. Most of you might wonder, 'Does it really help her?' Definitely yes, Kdrama is just like reality, but with a twist that brings valuable life lessons to light and expresses unsaid feelings. It's a journey worth taking, and I'm excited to share my experiences and insights with you.

So here is the list of four Kdramas that I have prepared, which are really memorable to me:

1. Reply 1988

I've watched this Kdrama countless times because each family portrayed in the series experiences situations and challenges that many viewers can relate to. Whether it's dealing with love and relationships, facing hardships, or experiencing moments of joy and triumph, the characters' journeys resonate deeply with the audience, making the drama highly engaging and impactful. This movie emphasizes the importance of family bonds, especially during hard times. We should provide support to them not only in their happy times but also in their challenging times. While it's early, we must make them feel the love they deserve because we don't know when they will be there for us. Treat them nicely and try to understand each other because family is our foundation, and their love and support are invaluable. For instance, there are times when we do something without being mindful of our actions, and even if it is small, we must not invalidate it because every action, no matter how seemingly insignificant, can have an impact on our family members. It's important to be considerate and thoughtful in our interactions with them, showing kindness and empathy in both words and deeds.

2. My Liberation Notes

I only watched this once and already forgot the rest, but the most memorable one really resonated with me because I could relate to their situation. One thing is being an introverted person, and there are other lines that I relate to;

"I didn't do anything but I'm already exhausted" - This line is what I always feel every day in my life. I just don't understand why sometimes I want to isolate myself in one place. I feel tired of dealing with other people and myself, and I don't want someone to talk to. I just want to be alone, always alone.

"Let's keep going, I don't know why I have to live, but let's have a descent life while I'm alive." - It totally expresses how I fee....I have this sense of determination to keep living, even though I don't know the purpose or reason for my existence. I feel stuck doing the same things every day, with no hope of anything new or exciting.

"It feels like I'm stuck, but I don't know how to get out." - Similar to the second line. I always feel like I'm stuck, and I don't know how to figure out why because it is really hard to understand myself deeply. Maybe I'm the problem. Or maybe there are things that I didn't realize I'm still holding on to, but I just didn't notice because I was too focused on the pain I felt and the situations I experienced (trauma). I became numb until I forgot about them. Also, I don't know how to express it through words.

"I'm not unhappy, but at the same time I'm not happy either." - I'm in a state where I'm not unhappy, but at the same time, I'm not exactly happy either. It's like I'm in between, and it's a complex feeling that's hard to put into words.

These thoughts teach me that sometimes I feel tired and stuck, not sure why. I want to be alone and figure things out, but it's hard to understand my feelings. I keep going, even though I'm not always happy. It's about finding a way to live meaningfully, even when life feels confusing and uncertain.

3. Hometown Cha-Cha-Cha

"Life may seem long, but it really isn't. Throw away unnecessary thoughts and be honest with yourself"

This perspective is crucial for me because it reminds me that life is short, and I shouldn't waste time on unnecessary thoughts or burdens that weigh me down. It's important to prioritize what truly matters to me and let go of distractions or negative thoughts that hold me back from living authentically. Being honest with myself means taking time for self-reflection, acknowledging my strengths and weaknesses, and making choices that align with my values and goals. This mindset encourages me to live mindfully and authentically, leading to a more fulfilling and purposeful life. Letting go of unnecessary thoughts allows space for personal growth and new experiences. Sometimes, we dwell on "what ifs" even though we're not actively pursuing those possibilities. This fixation on thoughts that aren't being actualized can create a sense of being stuck and hinder our progress.

4. Uncontrollably Fond

Lastly, this drama/series can really break your heart and make you burst into tears. This drama teaches us that life is valuable, so enjoy each moment and love your family and friends. Be thankful, forgive others, and show love to those who matter to you. Let's avoid pushing people away because we might regret it later on. Instead, let's cherish our relationships and try to understand each other's feelings and perspectives. It's important to communicate openly and resolve conflicts peacefully to avoid any future regrets or misunderstandings.

________

Discovering the beauty of life through unforgettable Kdramas. Unlocking lessons that touch the heart and inspire growth. Join me on this journey of exploration and self-discovery! Feel free to share your favorite Kdramas or suggest ones for me to watch...or share your insights and experiences If you need recommendations, don't hesitate to ask!😊❤

- Exploring kdrama life's lessons together, Jessa:)

[aching-tummies]

"my tummy hurts" "toldya not to drink all that milk" 😑

This one took me a while to write a scenario for. I was trying to figure out a scenario in which I'd actually drink a lot of dairy and have been warned against it by a partner. I'm not really keen on the idea of doing the milk galleon challenge so I didn't want to use that as the obvious scenario. Hopefully this one doesn't disappoint.

“Nnngh...” I bite my lip, swallowing apprehensively as I feel something sour at the back of my throat.

“What's up?”

“N-Nothing.” I glare at you as we continue walking on uneven terrain.

We were downtown a little over twenty minutes ago, celebrating with some friends. A few of us had things to celebrate so we all came together to be merry together. Elyse had gotten accepted into her first choice for a Master's degree program. Tyler and his band were in talks with some record companies. Sasha and her partner had gotten engaged just a few days prior. And I had managed to win over a major funding deal at my non-profit job with a presentation that had apparently blown the people with the grant money out of the water. Things were looking up all around and we spent a long time going around sharing in the good news and buying each other drinks as well as debating who got the biggest 'win' if we had to rank them. At the end of it, Tyler and I were voted the biggest winners because our achievements were immediately financially quantifiable. Thanks to that, the two of us were treated to more drinks than we could count.

It wasn't just alcoholic drinks, of course. We're all in our twenties so $7 for a couple of mouthfuls of a drink that burns going down is not being smart with our money. Of course, neither is boba...but we like to think boba is somehow more worth it than shots or whatever because of the volume of drink for our buck and all that. We started out with dinner at a restaurant and had food and alcohol there, then we moved to a boba shop to continue our celebrations because the restaurant was busy and was antsy about having the table free for another reservation (they weren't mean about it and most of us have worked food before, so we vacated without being bitter about it).

The day started out kind of hectic. You had insisted on being a distraction all morning, keeping me in bed long passed my alarm and causing me to be hasty trying to get myself ready and out the door for work today. In my haste, I'd poured much more milk into my thermos of coffee than I'd intended but had no time to fix it as I'd already have to sprint to have a hope of catching the bus to the office.

Partially to make up for being a clingy beast in the morning, and also to kind of tease me about whether or not I'd make it to my office in-time, you had ordered a latte to be delivered to my office an hour into my shift. Unknown to you at the time, the order had glitched on the delivery app, resulting in three large lattes being sent to my office, one every two hours. I thought you were just being silly and I'm not one to waste a gift if I can help it. I did pawn off the last one of the day to a flustered intern as I only had forty minutes left to my shift at that point and my stomach was getting a bit uncomfortable at all of the coffee. I'd skipped lunch because my belly had been so bloated with coffee (and milk) after drinking the botched one in my thermos and two of the large lattes you'd sent. I told you the story after coming home as we were both scrambling to get dressed for a night out with our friends.

The restaurant we'd agreed to meet our friends at was in the heart of downtown. Parking would have been a nightmare, not to mention overpriced to hell and back. We did what we usually do: we have legs, we can walk. So we drove and parked at a large mall just outside of downtown and had opted to walk into the heart of the city to avoid having to pay for parking. The path to the restaurant from the mall was mostly down-hill, so we were there in roughly fifty-five minutes. Heading back to the car after our celebrations, on the other hand...

I wince and pat my stomach. It's bloated up quite a bit since we started walking from downtown. After being voted biggest winner, Tyler and I had been treated to the largest boba from the shop—a cup boasting an entire litre of their famous milk tea (a litre of the liquid, not including toppings). Including toppings and the whip and everything else on it (Pocky sticks, wafer cookies—the works), in total that one drink could have easily filled up two or three stomachs.

“Nnngh...” I double over, arms wrapped around my turbulent tummy. The path between town and the mall is full of hills and intersections, sidewalks, and other obstacles. Not to mention that it's only the cusp of Spring right now and there are still patches of ice and snow everywhere. Our area has tons of gopher holes, but even without them the holes from uneven snow-melt are similar enough in that they'll sprain your ankles if you don't pay attention. The walk is filled with many ups and downs and my stomach sloshes at every single one of them.

“You sure you okay, babe?” Your cheeky grin and your tone betray your true intentions. You already know the answer to your question, you kinky jerk.

You knew my tummy was already upset from all the lattes throughout the day. It took an impressive amount of willpower on your part not to get handsy while I told you about the coffee glitch and was cycling through my closet, trying to find something that would fit around my slightly distended belly.

As the night progressed, you intentionally ordered me the creamiest entree on the menu at the restaurant and had practically drooled when you saw the signature litre and imagined all of it going into my tummy. Despite your fantasy, you had cautioned me what that drink would do to my stomach.

Even now, it's taking an impressive amount of willpower for you to walk in front of me, leading the way back to the car. You feel like Orpheus, being challenged not to look back during the long journey. You know that if you allow yourself to look back or to get your hands on my tummy, we're not making it back to the car before dark.

“Nnnngh...ugh...m-my tummy hurts.” I mutter. I was originally trying to hide my discomfort. I knew you were right about the signature litre...but it tasted good and I didn't want to have to carry such a large cup for the long walk back to our car. I'm regretting my choice now though—not just the signature litre, but everything from the moment I got out of bed.

“I told ya not ta drink all that milk.” You admonish.

I glare at you.

“Who was it that ordered the creamiest pasta on the menu for me at the restaurant?”

“Who was it that drank the signature litre?”

“It was a gift! Refusing it would have been rude!” My outburst is punctuated by an agonizing grumble from my belly. I finally stop, standing still and putting both of my hands on my belly.

You finally turn around but the second you do you curse yourself. My stomach has bloated up noticeably since we left downtown and the sight of it framed between my hands goes straight to your groin. Walking any further is going to be uncomfortable for you as well, maybe with the discomfort focused much lower than the stomach area, but still a discomfort nonetheless.

[twistedsea]

I know it doesn't really amount to anything since I'm just some random person on the internet, but I really hope things get better for you. Life is really awful a good chunk of the time, but I think it's probably worth holding out in case something better happens.

I spent ages 10-22 thinking I was some kind of horrid, broken robot of a person because I didn't develop crushes like all my friends were. They were ogling celebrities and getting into their first relationships, and it all felt so alien to me. When the first boy asked me out as a teenager, I thought I was going to vomit. He was very nice and there was nothing *wrong* with him, but the thought of being *with* him was like asking me to eat a slug. When I was 17, my neighbors tried to arrange a date with me for me with a man twice my age. It was all so odd.

I didn't even consider that liking women could be an option. Like, I'm from a very open and tolerant family. There are tons of well-respected and very loved LGBT people in my family that have been out of the closet for decades. There was zero danger for me if I came out as any persuasion. I didn't start thinking about it until one of my childhood friends came out as transgender. He said one of the things that made him realize that he wasn't a girl was that, when we were very small and played make-believe games, he would get so envious when I got to pretend I was a prince or a king. The other girls always made me play the "boy" roles because I was the tallest in the group, and he was tiny and thin and fit the conventional princess role better. He said that it took him years to figure out whether he wanted to *be* me or whether he had a crush on me. In the end, he realized it was both. He's engaged to a really handsome guy nowadays and I'm really happy for him.

But at the same time, I felt so weird about the whole situation. Thinking back, I would have definitely dated him back when he thought he was a girl. I guess I mistook the whole "unusually close female friendship" thing as just platonic, because we'd hold hands or hug or be affectionate all of the time. It was just what girls did. But I always felt that same sort of envy that he felt whenever I saw my best friends being affectionate with other girls. I didn't really think about it heavily until covid lockdowns. I started spending more time online and chatting with people that were very open and secure in their sexualities. None of them were a perfect match for the alien feelings I felt, but it made me realize that I have a very strong preference towards women. I still don't have a label for whatever it is that I am, just somewhere between queer and asexual, but I'm still not out about it. I'm still super uncomfortable talking to family about it, but it's slowly getting easier to talk to friends and people online.

I still feel weird and broken, but it's really nice listening to people talk about their journies about living with whatever their truth is. Sometimes you have to just find a place where you can pour out your feelings. Sometimes it helps just hearing about other people's struggles. There are some days when I want to curl up and die, but they're less now. I don't feel so alone when I hear how other people are struggling and surviving.

I have no idea what a *good* future looks like for me, let alone my ideal future, but I think things are better for me than they were ten years ago. Maybe ten years down the line will be better too.

Getting some good antidepressants also helped *a lot.* I can't handle proper therapy yet, but the pills I'm on make it so that my depressive states don't feel like they'll go on forever. They also make it easier to drink less, since I'm not always in a really dark pit. The depression is definitely still there, but it feels bearable.

Anyway, I guess what I'm trying to say is that life is really hard, but you've made it this far. You're a really talented artist and you seem like a good person, and you've managed to survive the horrid thoughts that your mind conjures up about you. I think that's something to be proud of. Your art helps me keep going, too. The colors are always warm despite the violent imagery, and I always get the vibe that Laura and Abigail are in this cycle of death and rebirth. When they pop up on my dash, it makes me feel really hopeful.

I think I said this before, but my depression and anxiety are the reason why I’m in such a bad state of mind. My internalized homophobia is just one more thing that’s hurting me, more so lately because of the amount of time I have spent with my family during Christmas (and therefore some of their hurtful comments). I am convinced that if I was in a better place right now, this wouldn't worry me as much.

Yeah… I also feel broken for many reasons. Currently I’m not taking any medication because in the past it did nothing to help (I tried several different antidepressants without results)

Maybe that's why I feel like I'm at a dead end.

I'm going to be honest, it's not that I see a grim future for me, it's that I literally don't believe I have a future at all. As soon as I get up, I think “this is probably going to be my last day” and I wish that these horrible thoughts and overwhelming emotions would give me a break.

And despite this I'm doing everything I can to just stay alive. Even if they are few, there are moments when I realized that it is worth it to keep fighting.

Regarding my sexuality: on one hand, I find it funny because when I was only 6 years old I realized I liked girls and I already took it for granted that this was something that was “wrong” and that I had to hide and repress it. I’m a bit of a loner and I have difficulty socializing, and that has made it easier for me to ignore it.

But like you said, hearing other people’s journeys with their sexuality and/or gender makes me feel less alone. Which is something I’m grateful for. Unfortunately where I live there is still a lot of bigotry and if it wasn't for the internet, well… I just don’t know where I would be.

Despite the fact that we are complete strangers, your message helps me tremendously. Thank you for opening up in such a sincere and kind way to a perfect stranger just to help. It means the whole world to me. Hell, what you’ve said about my art and ocs made me tear up a little too hahah.

I apologize if this is not very coherent. English is not my main language and I’m not used to writing so much 😭🙏

[graysongraysoff]

🎈🤲 💌 :’)

fic writer emoji asks

🎈describe your style as a writer; is it fixed? does it change?

so have you ever read a stephen king book? if you have, that's it, that's the style, i stole it from him, lol. when i went back to reread the dark tower books a couple years ago and i got to the first like mini-chapter of the gunslinger i was like. fuck dude. you read a series at a formative enough time and you'll steal an entire writing style from it, lol.

i feel (i hope!!!!) like my writing style changes, if subtly, from fandom to fandom, though, bc i try really hard to emulate the vibe of whatever piece i'm riffing off of. to go back to jill's ask, i think that's why i used to get so many compliments on my trc fics - i dedicated a lot of effort to mimicking maggie stiefvater's style as best i could, and that really resonated with folks; more than once people told me "this feels like it could be a chapter of one of the books!" and i am very big-headed about that and will brag about it until i die, probably.

🤲what do YOU get out of writing?

difficult to say lately, if i'm being honest!!!!!

in overanalyzing it over the past few months, though, here's where i'm at for the moment: i think there are two main kinds of fic that i write. the first is the kind i write mostly for me, when a piece of media is making my brain go brrr and i just want to play with it, regardless of whether anyone else on earth cares about it at all. the second is the more i guess "fandommy" kind, when it's more of, like, an offering. it's me putting something out into the world and going TALK TO ME ABOUT THIS!!!!!! BE EXCITED ABOUT THIS WITH ME!!!!! WHERE ARE THE PEOPLE WHO ARE EXCITED ABOUT THIS AT????? COME HERE AND BE MY FRIEND!!!!!!!

i get a lot more out of the first kind than the second kind.

when i'm writing fic just because something makes my brain go brrr, i'm like perfectly content playing by myself in my little sandbox, and it's just kind of a bonus if people end up engaging with it.

when i'm writing fic because something makes my brain go brrr and i want people to care about it with me, well, that can leave me feeling pretty hollow and awful when i post something and it gets a lukewarm response, which is like. nine times out of ten, lol.

i haven't figured out how to feel less bad when i post a fic that i want people to care about and it gets a handful of kudos and no comments, but. the first step is identifying the problem, haha, right?

💌share something with us about an up-and-coming work (WIP) that has you excited!

you wanna read some? of course you do.

“Why did you bring me here?” Dazai asked. His voice was empty of emotion, as if he had cried it all out at the bar earlier.

Oda didn’t answer. Instead he nudged Dazai’s hand with the glass of water he’d fetched until the boy sullenly pushed himself up into a sitting position and wrapped his fingers around it.

“I’m not the kind of person you want knowing where you live,” Dazai pressed. “Why should I let you live after I told you my plan for the boss?”

Oda smiled wryly down at him, but he only nodded at the glass. “Drink that.”

Dazai made a face but obediently brought the glass to his lips and began to sip. A moment of silence passed before he spoke again, quietly. “You don’t have to take care of me,” he said. “That’s how you end up like Chuuya.” He stared down at his bandaged reflection in the surface of the water. “It’s not worth it.”

Something clenched around Oda’s heart. “Dazai.”

Dazai looked up, and Oda could think of no excuse, no logical reason for a boy so young to look so tired.

“What happened to Chuuya isn’t your fault,” Oda said.

Dazai smiled one of his insincere smiles, one that didn’t quite reach his one exposed eye.

“Maybe that’s the problem,” he said. “Maybe I wanted it to be. I always told him I’d kill him someday. I’ve got a whole list of ways I could do it, too.”

Oda sighed. “Dazai…”

“You still haven’t answered me,” Dazai cut across with steel in his voice. “Why did you bring me here? Why are you doing this?”

Oda blinked down at him steadily. He wondered if Dazai really didn’t know or if he just wanted to hear him say it. He was the kind of kid who seemed to know everything, but there was something wild and searching in his one unbandaged eye.

“Because I care what happens to you,” Oda answered him finally.

ben parksandrec voice it's about the platonic intimacy between a surrogate father and his surrogate son

[darsynia]

Do you have any advice for writers just starting out? I’m having trouble putting anything out there because it doesn’t feel good enough. I love your work, can’t wait for the next chapter of S&H!!!

I'm sorry this too me so long to answer, I hope you're not disappointed or miss it 💚 Things just do NOT slow down here in this household haha. I wanted to thank you for the compliment and for the honor of being asked this! My brain is sometimes shredded cheese lately but I hope some of this is helpful!

The most important thing to remember is that nothing gets written if you aren't feeling good about it. Not long-term. So go into the idea of posting your work with the knowledge that your audience is site-dependent and just because you don't get a response does NOT mean your work isn't any good. A great example of this is the fact that my OC fic on AO3 is pretty popular and is barely a blip here on Tumblr-- I haven't found my Tumblr audience for it (if it's there!). It would be easy to assume that it's not worth writing without readers, but that's not true! If you loved writing it, if you want to share it, you should!

As for how good or not good-- that can be subjective, really. I think every one of us have realms of improvement the more we write and read, if that makes sense? So when you read, note what works, what you think doesn't work, notice your strengths and weaknesses when you see them in other people's writing (note that I'm not qualifying whether that is good or bad, every and I mean EVERY writer has their weaknesses and strengths! We work with one and shore up the other, and that's normal and right) and see how the authors whose work you like most handle those things you struggle with. I feel like one of fan-writings' powers is the mental collaboration we're all engaged in!

Figure out what kind of a writer you are and keep that in mind. Can you read your own work uncritically? If not, skip rereading it for a day or so after you post! Are you someone that compares yourself unfavorably to other people's writing? Gird yourself against that, and choose not to read other fanfic on that day. Comparison is the thief of joy, but knowing yourself is the best countermeasure.

The other thing to remember is that writing and reading is honing your craft. Yes, even the things you never post. Our hobby is one that's far more in the open than many-- we don't see international archives of people's very first carpentry projects! Forgive yourself the steps of the journey, celebrate them instead!

A really nice way to ease into writing is to collaborate on something like a bingo, especially one with a lower word count. Your works get promoted, you're part of something larger than yourself, you can see what others create for the same event, and there's not a lot of pressure, because there are a lot of squares to fill!

I might come up with more to add to this another day, and honestly this feels less helpful than I hoped, but I hope it is in some ways encouraging! I think you should post your writing because you want to, and the sooner you post your first thing, the sooner you post the thing after that, and the thing after that, and the... well, you know.

[enarratives]

Esports Fandom, Transformative Works, and Finding Community

I've been pondering a certain Medium-hosted journal entry after inadvertently stumbling across it via a friend. However, I'm rather hesitant to start critiquing a kid who is clearly trying to figure out their place in the public gladiatorial arena that Twitter can be.

Instead, I'm going to talk about my own opinions on esports fandom as someone who enjoys creating but isn't a k-pop enjoyer. I am using a read more link, because I'm nice. This was written, however, in a hazy, rambling sort of mood, so I apologise if it's not entirely accurate or vaguely inflammatory.

I've been mired in RPF fandoms since I was twelve. It wasn't the best idea for a kid to be so abruptly introduced to the idea of explicit slash fiction, but such moments in your life tend to leave an impact on your understanding of the world. I spend my first few years on forums, before migrating to Tumblr. Participating in those spaces also kickstarted my passion for writing, though, so I'm grateful to it in some ways. I have historically been a writer and reader, rather than an artist, editor, or designer, but I've been dabbling if only to keep my technical skills up. As such, I can only really speak as a fanfic writer, more than anything else.

From my history in these fandoms, it's always been pretty explicit that the works created in these circles don't leave. Most people weren't delusional enough to think that our subjects of interest wanted to see it, and certainly didn't want their work shoved in their faces by eager individuals hoping to solicit reactions of disgust, discomfort, or mockery. If they sought it out, that's their prerogative, but they should be well-aware of what they're looking for. This divide wasn't just strictly managed between celebrity and real people fandoms, but also many fictional properties as well - it only takes a moment to study Anne Rice's tirade against fanfic authors to understand why that barrier between fans and creators was enacted and carefully maintained.

With the advent of modern fandom, however, and the growth of larger hosting websites such as Tumblr and AO3, it's pretty obvious that the dynamic between creator and fandom has changed. Social media platforms offer greater opportunities for self-expression, as well as engaging with other fans and the individuals of our adoration. I would also more cynically argue that the advent of these platforms has further created incentives to be noticed and normalised, to encourage engagement and drive an algorithm. In this regard, it would be worthwhile to examine the fan's relationship with the creator, whether author, actor, athlete, performer, or influencer, not just as a personal relation, but an economic one.

So let's look at how these relationships are actually used in the online space. Fans in the digital sphere are eager to engage, to receive some sort of reciprocity, while industries are equally eager to invite new viewers in and retain their old ones. In esports, teams and tournament organisers are hoping to keep you watching tournaments, going to their YouTube channels, catching streams, buying event tickets, and purchasing merch. Most of the time, they do this by leveraging the relationships of players and streamers on the team in order to keep a viewer attached. Esport fans are notoriously team-agnostic; many care more for the player than the team they play for, much to the marketing leads' chagrin. However, the lure (pretty photos of the player you like) is ultimately meant to get you hooked into becoming a useful metric to show to sponsors.

This isn't to say that you can't enjoy a specific team or watching a specific esport. It's just good to remember that they don't keep you around because they care about you, specifically, but rather because you represent part of a viewership number that helps acquire better partnerships.

It's also worth acknowledging here that not everyone experiences fandom in the same way. (It should also be worth acknowledging that my understanding of fandom studies is introductory at best, and I am likely bastardising some very meaningful work.) In my eyes, there are roughly two "types" of fandom: curation and transformation. Curation are your wiki editors, collectors, and archivists; it is focused on keeping history and memory. Transformation takes a more playful approach, sporting analysts, creatives, and event organisers, that seek to dive into the sandbox the creator provides and push boundaries. Historically, transformative fandom has generally associated with femininity, emotionality, and escapism. Part of this is, rather understandably, misogyny; however, transformation is inherently a challenge to the expected cultural norms, a renegotiation to how we understand our relationships with the products or characters we create with. I'd be surprised if more people didn't find that uncomfortable. This is doubly true for real people. How much of this person are we given in the public sphere? How much of this is constructed by the viewer, and when it's taken and repurposed, are we playing with real people's lives? Is that ethical? Are we comfortable with this? Should we be comfortable with this?

All the background's out of the way, whoo. Let's dive into the intersection of k-pop fandom and esports.

As an outsider, I find the common ways that k-pop fans engage with their stars dizzying and deeply confusing; to me, it appears that most fandom on social media is focused on manipulating algorithms to raise awareness about new songs to stream or specific bands (which, again, fits into an economic view of these relationships). Outside of the venues I'm more familiar with (edits, fanfiction), the dedication of these fans in other parts of their lives and the hope that they could one day be noticed is vastly different to the isolated communities I grew up in. The erosion of the societal expectations that were once drilled into my head, in forums and early era Tumblr, are long gone.

Perhaps I am a cynic to eye the "encroaching" of k-pop fandom styles into esports with suspicion. The k-pop industry carefully curates media appearances, reputation, PR, marketing, and even personal lives. These relationships between idol and fan are cultivated with intent to drive interest and sales. K-pop fandom in the West is built upon a type of fetishisation and infantilisation, a reduction of culture fit for international profit with little further examination about its local or personal impact. To extend these same expectations and cultural norms onto esports, full of young adults with little media training and even less PR support, is perhaps asking for something horrific. How much of a player's life and sense of self are we willing to cannibalise for our personal entertainment? And who is willing to deal with the bloody body afterwards?

That is not to say I don't personally enjoy moments of personality or vulnerability. I am a soft-hearted fool who gets attached far too easily, who adores the stories and the relationships between people; I love watching the wild spiralling of careers and friendships and what it means to be a competitor, what it means to win. It's why I write. It's why I make my gifs, and silly little graphics, and memes that only make me laugh. It's why I diligently follow three major leagues, listen to podcasts, watch interviews, and chat in streams. But I also think it's necessary to remember what boundaries and expectations we should be setting for ourselves, and by extension, the creators, and the impact our desires may have on the very real people we're fans of.

Consequently, as someone who loves to create and play with the perceptions I have of these public figures, I find myself questioning why people engage with fandoms in the ways they do. I have almost always created for myself first - and if other people are willing to engage with me, that's cool, but it was never priority. But I understand the value of community and the need for validation - I would never decry someone seeking a place to feel welcome. The line gets drawn when there is an expectation that deeply different cultural norms should be accepted and normalised without suitable challenge or refute. Not everyone will like you, or be expected to like you, nor can you expect to police everyone's reactions to you and your content. Challenge and change is meant to be uncomfortable. Not everything fits into everything else. It's okay for things to hurt, but I'd be careful going straight into generalising everything as a statement of oppression, rather than a more complex system at work.

Why do we engage in fandom? What makes us stay? That's the question, isn't it?

(If, for some reason, the kid finds this post, hey. It's all good. We're all just figuring out our feelings in the world. If you want someone to talk to about this stuff without judgment, my inbox is always open, y'know?)

[raccoonfallsharder]

hey, chip anon here, i was gonna respond to the miguel thing but i thought abt smth and now and i’m curious,,

okay so i gained a lil crush on someone i met at a mall, and now my friend is suddenly so down bad for him too and it’s stressing me out . i love her to death but this just is a lil much for me,, am i being dramatic?? sorry i’m asking you, i don’t have many friends so why not ask for advice anonymously?? you don’t have to answer , i just figured it was worth a shot

god this is embarrassing but being quite honest here this is one of my very first crushes (on the aromantic spectrum 🤟) and i do not know what to DO !!! is it normal for my friends deciding they wanna date my crush

btw i had chips today . i just had to add .

to start with: i know feelings tend to do whatever they want whether you fucken like it or not, but if you can…please be gentle with yourself? there’s no need to be embarrassed. (i dont know if this resonates for you but i personally think embarrassment is the result of our poor little prehistoric-mammal-instincts trying to protect us & warn us when they think that we might get judged for something && get kicked out of the pack but (1) that’s absolutely not gonna fuckin happen here and (2) i don’t think that there’s anything about your ask that isn’t relatable in some way. like you are for sure not alone in navigating first-time- or any-time-crush confusion & weirdness)

secondly…i’m just sorry you’re going through this. crush-feelings are…chaotic enough without having the added complication of newness plus a friend’s feelings being involved like this. that’s fuckin rough my little chip and I’m bummed that this is happening for you

thirdly: i would not consider myself an advice-giver generally, especially when i only have access to two paragraphs of information. ultimately, you are the person who knows your life better than anyone. you are the expert here. but i will share a few things i think might be helpful in really clarifying & distilling your own course of action?? && you can take or leave them as feels right to you.

so there’s twenty seven paragraphs behind the cut && probably none of them will be what you were hoping for, and im sorry for that, but it’s the best i can do && i hope it helps a little tiny bit ♡

we can’t ever really know what your friend is feeling. there can easily be innocent or toxic reasons for her to be interested in this person now. plus, people can’t control their feelings, anyway.

but they can control their behavior.

so i would think it might be helpful for you to identify the actual behaviors she’s engaging in. like, is she wanting to talk with you about this person and gush over them? or is she wanting to “compete” with you and…i dunno, date them first? is she indicating she wants to bond with you over this, or expressing apologies and concern and support for you, or suddenly trying to pursue this other person without any regard for you?

secondly i’d encourage you to consider how her behavior is impacting you, how she responds in general (including but not limited to this situation) when/if you tell her how her behavior is affecting you, and finally, consider how much you want your friendship to survive && flourish (there’s no shame in any answers to any of these questions).

from there, it might be easier to figure out how you want to respond.

you could roll with things and let it go (especially if you feel like it’s a benign shared interest and she really cares about supporting you).

you could talk to her about it and be like, “hey, i noticed you seemed to develop feelings for this person shortly after i expressed interest. our friendship is important to me, and i want to make sure we’re taking care of it, so i thought i should let you know i’m concerned for us right now. could we talk about it?” (which i think makes sense if her behavior bothers you, but you want to try to protect && preserve your friendship).

or you could cut her out entirely (this might make the most sense if it seems like a repeated pattern of behavior — not necessarily with romantic interests obvi, but just trying yo compete with you or not caring about your feelings — in spite of you expressing that it hurts you and/or if you’re not interested in seeing if the friendship can be salvaged).

and these are only three of like, countless approaches you could take, all of them on a massive spectrum.

the point is you have options. and you don’t even have to make a decision or take any action or commit to a line of thinking right now — you can just feel your fuckin feelings and wait and see what happens, if you want. take some time to think && to listen to yourself and your instincts. process with someone you trust. there’s no need to rush your own brain or to react quickly here.

and most importantly, trust yourself. again ill say: you are the best expert of your own life experiences. truly ♡ you’ve been living them your whole life && nobody knows em like you do

again im sorry i couldn’t be more helpful but that’s the best I’ve got. i love you chip nonnie && I’m rooting for you && hoping it all works out. keep me updated if you want ♡

ps for whatever it’s worth im actually on the asexual spectrum (not that anyone can tell from my current fanfiction offerings) so let me tell you the first time i had sexual feelings for a person it was a fuckin trip (panomantic demisexual here hello)