#really puts things in perspective when other people react to your horseshit

[sugar-petals]

♡ physical affection; levi

↳ NOTE. characterizing boyfriend levi, my passion project lmao! with some sexy moments included 👀

WORDS. ⇢ 7k

tags / warnings. ⚠️ smut, fluff, soft sub!levi x female reader, hurt/comfort hc, angst, shower sex, blowjobs + handjobs + boobjobs (yep. spoiling the captain), face-sitting, protected sex, soap kink, season 3-4 setting, no manga spoilers

Ready for a surprise? It’s not really about what kind of skinship he’s extremely selective about and what not. This is only something people would perceive about him at first glance. Instead, it comes down to how emotionally sheltered he feels. Because of his experiences, that predicates everything else. Which is why Levi’s sexuality is as complex as it is.

But also, in its sudden perfect expression once a person gives him a different perspective: That’s the time when he is touchier. The more in private, the better. The lights down low, with only a candle or two shining from another room. Broad daylight brings the harsh truths and the shaking ground. Nighttime is when Levi feels more intimate and open to caress, down his back and arms, the shoulders, the side of his neck. Done with extreme gentleness, and all of your deep respect.

If you offer him an environment of trust, Levi is open to almost anything and would even magically doze off in your arms for a little while. Breathing softly, resting for the first time in weeks, the brows becoming less tense the deeper he sleeps. You asking if you can stroke his hair (carefully, not messing it up or anything) is something he can’t say no to. The closet romantic in him will fulfill you any reasonable wish as soon as you’d ask anyway.

We know how receptive the captain is to a request, and how much there can be a soft spot for somebody in his heart. If you’re forward enough to just ask, Levi sets himself that goal and opens up. He is diligent with it just as you’d expect. That especially includes the things he says are „absolute horseshit nonsense“ and „disgusting, useless activities“ when reacting to newly formed couples kissing in the survey corps at the other end of the room. Is he a hypocrite and a hater? Actually— not at all.

Levi is a raised rather than born skeptic. Between courage and care, he is always gonna be torn. Both didn’t work in his favor at some point. But at the end of the day, he fears recklessness more than being cautious. Looking at these couples, he knows that they could lose each other the very next day. Or hell, the next hour. Not everybody has 200 titan kills. 

Not everybody is a physically indestructible Ackerman destined and designed to escape death and outlive others whether they want it or not. And showing themselves this vulnerable out in the open is even more dangerous considering all the political intrigues, chaos, attacks, and espionage going on.

When he’s scoffing at skinship in the survey corps, it’s not his intent to ruin the couples and their little happiness in the present moment (nothing he sees as more tragically precious), or say only he can have a relationship because he’s strong enough to make it survive. If anything, Levi is the prime example of how all his connections were doomed exactly because of his status pulling in all the danger. He very well and painfully knows.

What I mean is: He sees the brutality of consequences that can create more misery than if two people would just go about their business. Levi already dreads that the same might happen to him. But after all, the behavior of others is easier to rectify than his own undeniable feelings for you. Which he cannot control in any way, which is why he reacts to others instead. Looking at other people holding hands, he’s also afraid how dabbling in love is a distraction from threats that can even backfire on uninvolved others if someone is suddenly in harm’s way.

Levi does associate physical touch with something that takes an otherwise observing mind off when it shouldn’t be. To him, it creates something so valuable that can become an unintended burden through all kinds of circumstances, he’s seen it all, it’s terrible he had to. And the reason why he has such a torn relationship with it. You really have to know your stuff to build a resilient little bubble where Levi is not constantly hypervigilant and either past- or future-focused.

Which is pretty damn hardwired into him. It’s almost impossible to bring on that kind of atmosphere spontaneously. It has to be ritualized. His intelligence comes with the downside of overthinking and having problems with spontaneous romance, it’s good to direct his thought into something that’s always done in a specific, structured way. You sit down with tea, put the candles on, Levi finishes cleaning his weapons, makes everything combat-ready and usable in seconds, and you carefully lay down on his impeccably made bed together.

Which he never uses, Levi sleeps in chairs. Or on the ground, so he can feel any titan steps in the distance with his whole body, using the cleanest possible mat or towel as a mattress and nothing else. The bed he basically just makes to have it neat, and for you, and to have a spot to lay together. 

But yeah. He will never remove his harness. Not even when you’re sleeping with each other. He’s not once gonna risk having to put it on in a hurry. The only time you will be skin to skin with him is for not even five minutes under the shower. It’s when his cleanliness beats his anxiety around being always ready, which is why that’s a time to fully cherish.

And then, he really has no qualms about you wrapping your hands around his soap-covered torso in the shower anyway. It’s the only time his inner default germaphobe is not vehemently screaming inside his already heavy heart. It doesn’t have anything to do with you, this is about his demons only, confronted with the immense relief you give him. If the latter wins over his mind’s struggle, Levi might draw out the shower time sometimes.

The other voice that tells him ‚don’t make it end so soon’ is now finally convincing him. He will dial down the water stream so he can hear what’s going on outside better to compensate, to know if there’s any ruckus or approaching hazards. Levi has instructed a fast runner among the cadets to bang on the front door under any critical circumstances immediately in the first place.

Levi says he wants to save water, too. He won’t admit it, but he also turns the showerhead to a medium pressure to hear your calm, almost-quiet moans — the barracks have terribly thin walls — better when you’re sucking him off. Slowly, smoothly, not too much spit. Folded towel under your knees because Levi insists, and he is right. The showers in the survey corps have uncomfortable floor tiles. 

He makes sure you won’t get soap in your mouth as well, I don’t have to tell you that he is very circumspect. Levi isn’t usually feeling overly heated in moments like this, but he gets hard and releases fast. You swear his cum tastes like afternoon tea with milk but you won’t tell him that. And who doesn’t like tea and Levi’s homemade milk, no complaints alright.

What’s still a shame is that Levi, always being in such a constant hurry and alertness, puts too much stress on his body for him to become horny all the way. In fact, he often forgets it. He feels numb, and can’t fully take in the sensations. Levi has not been able to feel a lot of genuine pleasure in his life. 

A racing mind is an absolute sex killer, and his adrenaline spikes are so high in combat that most normal things don’t do anything for him. Which is why he brews his tea extra strong. But seriously: It’s a concerning thing. And it tells you to take your time. With his whole body, doing the things he loves the most. And what else could that be? It’s straightforward: Keepin’ it clean.

You make sure that Levi feels extra comfortable by thoroughly massaging his loins and thighs with a sponge during foreplay. Yes, you’re gently working him up. All in circles and light brushing motions. Lots of soap. Suave and bubbly, like silk on his skin. It’s handmade, with oat milk, lavender, and honey. For your honey. You regularly gift a new one to him to try out scents and have supply. You can guess how much Levi appreciates it, to the moon and back in fact. The present box is neatly stored on his office table where he can always see it.

Sending out its balmy fragrance throughout the day, making the room smell amazingly aromatic to him. His nose will never grow tired or accustomed to it. Levi puts the soapbox in a drawer within literal split seconds when someone who isn’t you enters the room. „Tsk, announce yourself when you knock…“ That could even be the newest recruit who doesn’t know anything at all about the place and people. But this is just a you and him thing.

Levi doesn’t want nosy questions from the squad even though nobody would probably even notice the soap laying there in its case, much less ask him about it or the fresh scent in the air because duh, it’s Levi’s office. But it feels absolutely personal for him — so he reacts sensitively about it. This man would probably protect your lavender soap with his blades if he had to. 

The captain is very secretive about your relationship in general. Who on earth would go as far as buy him a new scented bar of joy bi-weekly? At this point, he would crawl on hot coals, needles, lava, ice shards, desert sand, and a mile-long straight of legos (laid out by a maniacally laughing Zeke personally) for you.

Although you wouldn’t allow any of it. Nothing should ever hurt those kitty paws, I mean captain hands and captain feet. You’d put Zeke on blast on your own, luring him with a banana to confuse his senses and then, whack, homerun the monkey into the ocean with Levi’s bristle broom. Problem solved. Anyway.

 Levi wouldn’t hurt himself willingly that way either, the ice shards don’t stand a chance. He has sworn to protect his own life out of self-respect, to honor those passed by living on bravely toward the goal they worked for and being the one always coming home to you. You can rely on him.

So enough about gleaming hot coals and Zeke’s evil legos, back to the point — you already get what I mean. Levi might seem totally grumpy on the outside, but for sure is a devoted man, a caliber as always. He takes all of your presents to heart and is unbelieving as to why he’d be deserving of so much. You prove a point using the gifts as regularly as possible on his body. Where he can feel every bit of your fondness of him. And remember it with muscle memory. Oh shit, this soap does smell so good. As anything on him, who are we kidding.

Dousing Levi with all your attention is the best thing ever. He feels great relaxing with you, and his face softens up. He’s looking at you with a tiny smile in response to you whispering sweet things to him, all while you’re using the sponge on his legs, the chest, and ever-tense back that can definitely use some alleviation. „Thank you for cleaning me“ has got to be the best thing ever to hear from Levi Ackerman. It means the entire world to him. Captain, your mommy kink is showing. His arousal increasing is a natural side effect in no time.

Recently, you’ve been slipping his cock between your breasts as well, and it’s been slowing him down a lot after an eventful mission. While at the same time making him more in the moment, he really enjoys you gradually lathering him up like that. The feeling of skin on skin is amazing. It might be something that… often crosses his mind when he trains during the day, but he can blend it out for the important things. Until you do it all over again, and he ruminates about how much you turn him on until the sun rises.

You also never do a blowjob hands-free. Why would you, anyway? His body is amazingly buff and compact, you want to hold onto those gorgeous lil’ hips and his own hands that need a fair share of holding after carrying the world. You feel him twitching on your tongue when you run either hand over his ass and abs, making sure to trace across all his most erogenous spots there. What’s more: Levi feels really protected and soothed when he feels your palms on him under the streaming water, he can’t explain it.

That's why you like doing shower handjobs just as much. I don’t have to tell you that Levi really delights in them as well and his poker face regularly cracks a bit. His eyes fixate on you, you can tell the connection and involvement. He thinks your fingertips are heavenly, a welcome change to his rugged days. 

He loves how softly they tease and stimulate him with the smallest movements and subtle presses. Yes, Levi doesn’t like rough action, those are vulnerable moments. He has enough brutality elsewhere, violently jerking him off and insulting him would be entirely inappropriate and even scare him.

He’d probably brush your wrists off right away, it’d be so uncomfortable in the silence of the evening. A tender chain of kisses on the nose tip, chin, collar bone, and especially forehead gets him going a lot more. The more chaste and doting the kiss, the more he melts on the inside. 

His anxiety baseline goes down, and he feels like he can let you in. However you guide him and however you choose to indulge him with your lips, Levi is on board, quietly enjoying. Since it’s something that he’s still feeling so new to, leaving you the active role comes naturally.

Stroking him with a deep pace, carefully brushing your lips against his to give him goosebumps — Levi definitely grows into that. In those moments, he really feels taken care of, in safe hands, hands that will stay with him. He’s gonna be surprised just how good something like this feels many times. And be overwhelmed by pleasure to the point where it almost frightens him, he didn’t have that a lot until now.

The satisfaction of a spotless table simply does not compare. Just so you know: He will either be dead silent or mumble under his breath nonstop. That he is okay with you touching him below the belt and even take him in your mouth tells you how much Levi trusts you, how much he knows you love him, and how meticulously he’s already scrubbed and shaved himself beforehand. Yes, the sheer preparation. He puts a lot of work into his body. He couldn’t stand you becoming dirty.

That’s also why the shower is the place oral goes down. And even there, he uses like ten cleaning products to double rinse the stall and himself before and after. Mind you. He sees you eating healthy, brushing your teeth well. Your lips are very beautiful and a masterpiece of nature to him. So it’s not you who he thinks is dirty. Levi is pretty damn paranoid about his own skin and hygiene. If only he would think about himself the way he thinks of your body.

He feels like he has to earn it, be acceptable, and prepare himself endlessly to enjoy touch. Even then, he thinks he must be ugly and revolting. You have to respect him fussing about it rather than forcing him to cut down on his routines. You don’t criticize his perfectionism and see the motivation behind it. So instead, you reassure Levi your own way.

The more he sees you having fun and enjoying his body, the more accepted, confident, and clean he feels. Most people would like to see their partner play up the enthusiasm obviously (unless you have a ‚hiding his amazement’ emo boy kink, which is exactly why you like Levi don’t cha), but it’s particularly meaningful to Levi. Guess why he looks up to Armin’s mentality, and Hange is one of the few people who truly vibe with Levi.

She’s easily amused, dedicated, swooning, excited, and constantly eager. Levi does appreciate a bit of zeal in someone. If you’re a little ardent about touching him, it’ll give his esteem a boost he’s long needed, oh god. Nobody has the guts to praise this guy like that, even if he’s so extremely good-looking. Don’t let him off the hook there. Give him feedback, you’ll be surprised how much it resonates.

It’s already apparent to yourself how keen you are being touchy with him, hell, you’re so in love. Still, it’s a good idea to give him an idea how stoked you are. He doesn’t like it fast and brutally raw without a second thought, but passionate is a whole other debate. A simple „Levi, stay like this, let me do it“ or „Levi, you smell so good“ works wonders. Say what you think and his ease will set in. And I don’t have to tell you that you won’t look like sex is a chore anyway. With Levi, that’s an honor and a pleasure.

That he puts his faith in you and gives you his time is already a massive deal and goes against everything we know of him, what he’s used to, and how his avoidant personality works, being so ridden with losses. And it’s all because of how much you desire and approach him. That’s what it comes down to. 

Even if he’d suffer decades from yearning, he’d not go out of his way to kickstart something, never ever. He’d feel like he’d cause you so much trouble. You wanting him so badly and treating his body like a treasure on the other hand changes his mind.

It proves him wrong all the way. There is still time to enjoy love, the chance is now. Anything else would plague Levi with solitude and self-pity all over again. And the feeling of missing you around in his rooms. Two teacups on the table until he grows old and grey are his ideal of a good life, after all. He will open himself to your emotional and physical presence, realizing how touch-starved he is, and how much it improves his life to have someone to kiss and lay down next to at night.

The even breath at the back of his neck gives him a sense of finally someone sticking around with him side by side, even if he’s gone during the day. It feels good and right to be wanted by you, and nuzzling his face into your cotton dress. Your commitment gives him the little smiles and the silver lining he’s been searching for. He can’t label that feeling, but it’s joy of life and humankind, more than just a willingness for it. He would stay forever pained and bitter if he wouldn’t invite it in now, and you won’t waste that chance with being silent.

You’re attracted to everything about him, tell him, make him aware. The voice, the hair, the mannerisms, his height, his abilities, his mind, his care for others, the posture, how soft his cheeks are, the list is endless. Levi won’t miss how much he’s your type at some point. Which gives him a lot of ease, comfort. You show him that his inferiority complex was an entire smokescreen in his mind. 

He fucking deserves to be called handsome. And by the way — you can lust over him as much as you want when he’s made that time window for your couple stuff. It’s good if you make it as obvious as possible for him. Which is hard to hide anyway. You’ve been masturbating over Levi just sitting there sternly writing something. And he’s like why, and you’re like, it’s you! Look at you!

Levi does want you to touch his skin all over but it’s always sore. And he remains insecure on many days. So he only has particular comfortable spots in the first place. Since hardly anybody dares to touch him, and even if he pats someone’s shoulder nobody would ever be courageous enough to reciprocate, you would feel a bit like a lab scientist. Silently theorizing over him at first even if you really don’t have to. Other people say they’d rather run towards a titan than expose themselves to Levi’s moods, swords, and barking tone after trying to caress him in any way.

News flash, Levi has had such terrible moods since forever because there’s no affection coming to him from anywhere just because people decided he might not need it. And no, he won’t yell at you for touching. He finds it very sweet of you instead. Touching Levi always creates an occasion that will float around in his head for the entire day, that’s guaranteed. He sees how someone goes out of their way and cares for his well-being. He might not like it like standing in the middle of the whole corps, but anywhere else is fair game, at home anyway.

The pressure of dealing with threats he can manage to a degree, and he has lord how many coping strategies. The lack of love he cannot. Big difference that everybody seems to confuse. On top of how he has to be unrelenting in his position because battlefield and the Yeagers being a pain. Most people — except maybe Armin — see that as a closedness to touching altogether. 

The whole world seemingly can't intuit Levi’s craving of gentleness behind the arguably pretty convincing armor, but still. It seems like only a few souls ever think about the Levi that sits down on his bed in the evening completely depleted. You have to make it clear to yourself and him that it’s obviously a one-dimensional way of looking at Levi Ackerman and not good for him.

Which has covertly shaped how he interacts with others in return like a vicious spiral, which is why he blames solely himself for his depravation. And, how severe and untouchable the circumstances made his character. Yes, Levi despises himself for being inaccessible and unable to change it on top, added to how it happened to him over the years. 

Which he had pretty much zero influence on being basically at the gunpoint of life. It’s what you hate seeing the most and comfort him about with brewing tea. It definitely comes back tenfold, Levi won’t take it for granted when you brush out his hair and speak soothingly to him in the evening. „I don’t care, those are all reasons why you’re the apple of my eye“ seems to be what makes Levi’s heart a little mushy in particular.

He is very preoccupied with blame at the start of your relationship. Levi is torn apart by daily guilt and a constantly looming perception of failure to show an opening to his heart. He also crumbles under how the majority of people don’t take him seriously, overreact, or fear he snaps back into soldier mode — he doesn’t — when he does show affection. 

That you gaze behind his reputation and touch him without prejudice is the most important thing to him. You can ignore his mad and gloomy expression, Paradis has carved it into his face for half an eternity (the other half is for you and him when this is over). It doesn’t mean he’s angry on the inside about you. The causes for his madness are way elsewhere, knowing his early story it goes without saying. What made Levi callous and broken-hearted are things very opposite to you.

Those who only see and enjoy his fighting personality probably want him as their poster boy, people who are reflected enough to bother with the idea of a private, cuddling Levi are the only truly caring ones. Because private Levi needs that physical and emotional connection the most. Patting his cadets on their heads is only a little, albeit meaningful moment. The teacup is still half-empty regardless if you wanna think of it in those terms.

Because he can only do so much in terms of initiative — which already shocks people to the point of paralysis, which ruins the moment since he assumes it’s not appreciated then — and it’s only one-sided. Giving isn’t fully making him happy even if it’s his only option given how most people perceive him. 

The teacup only fills to the brim if Levi can let go for like half an hour getting some good ole kitty on your lap treatment. He silently lays there and enjoys your hand rubbing at the back of his neck. He looks genuinely peaceful that way. His hand palms gently at your thigh and knee, and rests there all tranquil while he ruminates about his day and how lucky he is to have you.

The whole ‚theorzing rather than going for it‘ thing stems from you listening to those people a bit too much at the beginning. Instead of asking Levi directly about touch, and to be fair: Not a single human being has done that yet, you try to figure him out at a distance. Which is also a good thing though. 

You learn about many Levi habits others would overlook, misinterpret, or don’t think have any meaning. The more you learn about him, the more understanding you become, the more protective you will be, the less he will avoid intimacy. Because Levi really doesn’t want to shy away, but often his body has too much memory in it to be instantly receptive. So it rather starts with the mind, then.

The irony is. Levi rejecting bonds with others as not to have them weigh heavy on his mind when fighting will only make it worse. You make a statement to him that if he fully immerses himself in what you have, he can fight better and actually be without those godforsaken regrets he’s always talking about. That’s why when you’re having sex, you make him look in your eyes and kiss their lids, and wrap your legs around him very firmly because Levi has to know he’s deeply yours. 

Hugs, the same thing. You squeeze the last curse out of him every time and tell him to hold you tight as well. You do have to tell him twice. Just because Levi is the strongest man in history, doesn’t mean he embraces very roughly. In fact, Levi is not used to this at all. Even more irony. Paradis’ ever-swearing, most badass titan killer with the physical excellence of a hundred acrobats can’t execute the simple act of putting his arms around you in a normal, casual way.

The why is the harder thing to talk about. Last time he got proper, truly loving hugs was way over 20 years ago. From Kuchel, during a time where he was too young to remember these things long-term. Let that sink in. It confuses him when he does it and even more so when others do. Kissing Historia’s hand even as a light official gesture was already completely unusual for him and a first time. 

Levi doesn’t go beyond what he sees others doing in that regard. No extra miles, just imitating. Now think of him with something as big a deal as embracing his lover for minutes. He lets his arms just hang there and you gotta make him learn how to intertwine fingers or how to press his palms on your back. You’re the one holding him tight there, while Levi’s mind and stare go blank, he’s even more speechless and perplexed after confronting his uncle back then.

I’m not kidding. You have to ask Levi to be forthcoming with those things as well, it simply does not occur to him, and he’s unsure about everything there is to it. What a loveless world this guy is in. If it already frustrates you to see him struggle, imagine how deprived he must be. One of his inner blocks is, Levi has major jealousy of guys who are what he thinks a better hugging height. It’s obviously the other way around to anybody who’d be in love with Levi. 

Of course he has the best hugging height by far. What’s not to like? He’s ideal. But in his perspective, imagine all these people above him wrapping around each other in moments of enthusiasm, shoulder-level on shoulder-level, or only with slight differences. And when it comes to him, it feels awkward because they feel strange bending down only for him and Armin.

And that’s probably the issue. Because it’s much better not to bend and try and intertwine, but just have Levi bury his face into your winter coat without a hassle. You don’t have to be perfectly chest to chest to make it work. Besides… romantic hugs are always a bit different. And, you invite Levi to do exactly that with you. Since Levi’s pet peeve is politeness, you’ll also have to show him the difference between mere courtesy and love, he hasn’t fully learned it either. 

But just so you know. Levi is not a naive baby or raging bull in a china shop once he has given his love to someone. He observes well, adapts well. When it’s heartfelt, when it’s the right moment, it comes out almost by surprise, he’s feeling it and he will respond to you. With serenity and intent.

If there’s someone who can be unpretentious with physicality, that’s him. He just has to transfer that to romantic gestures and Levi will be the perfect lover after some time. He’ll end up like, „Eh, so what. We do this hugging thing!“ — Hilarious. Levi, knowing his battle tactics, does have a sort of innate courage to approach bodies: This time, it’s about someone he wants to give pleasure and gratitude to, though. Which will feel very different. 

And you’re a lady he’s all whipped for, that changes everything. He might sort of try to lean at the wall next to you, to murmur about you kissing him after eating cake so he’s full of crumbs „and now I have to dust it all off again, hmph“, but he is not prepared for another kiss and you tickling him pinned against the wall (he’s not ticklish, but you still love it, and Levi has a thing for you being all over him despite his stoic face).

So yeah, Levi will be super grumpy and do the „Oi oi!“ thing, but also turn around so you won’t see the blush. Man, is he embarrassed. He will try to waddle away awkwardly to do paperwork, but no chance if you tug him back by the sleeve, dust off his shirt from crumbs, and squeeze his cheeks into a perfect Levi snoot. I’m telling you, he has a nice pouty face. 

He might assume that you’re out of your mind because nobody has done that with him yet, but once you tell him that you just wanna look at him because every day might be the last, he sees the point of your antics. Merely saying you kiss him just because won’t make sense to the captain, it’s gotta have a purpose for the future.  

So, you will tell him to always remember what your soothing lips do on him before he draws the blade tomorrow, and that he has plenty of filthy crumbs to come home to. „I think that’s right by what we’ve seen today“ is what he’ll admit, and carries you off to the bed to get grinding because all that stuff made him kinda turned on. Or rather, you grind, Levi on the other hand gets flustered. He complains about you being a tease at length since he’s having a huge she-pinned-me-to-the-wall boner. 

You sit on his face to take it even further and as his favorite treat, end of discussion, your goddess is here mister. Geez, you’ll make him a hot mess. That dick won’t go soft anytime soon. You’ll talk to him about when his face is already ruined with cake crumbs, he has nothing to lose, gotta clean up anyway. The grumbling noise from below tells you that the argument is a good one. For good measure, you palm at his trousers to see his legs react and his voice suddenly hitch. Ah, it’s a wonderful day.

Levi knows a thing or two about holding his breath correctly, but what he likes the most is that he feels perfectly sandwiched between thigh Rose and thigh Maria. Yeah, he does consider them his personal comfort walls and hopes they’ll always be there. Congruently, Levi wraps his arms around them, in fact it’s locking rather than wrapping, and you’re like I see wow he’s serious. 

On goes his tongue lapping away between your labia pretty much incessantly. The arousal is so intense, you have to breathe in yourself. Oh shit, Levi is gonna try to finish you off, shots fired. Not fast, but insisting. He does not bother with you panting pretty damn hard whatsoever. He’s calling people like that, but Levi might be the real brat all along.

Fair enough, he currently doesn’t hear anything, which he also loves the idea of. All day, people everywhere are talking nonsense, and now he gets to enjoy perfect silence. His ears are small, they’re easy to cover with thighs. He just goes on and on and gets you past lord how many brinks with a heated buildup. 

There are a lot of evil things Mister Zeke has said and committed, but by far the most offending thing he has yet insinuated is that Levi is not popular with the ladies. Blasphemy, treason, outrage, éclat, trickery, criminal offense, international slander, the most grueling case of fake news since the horse left the building, and no, Jean is not meant. With those oral skills, any lady interested in him would get a permanently bleeding nose and something else permanently wet as you can personally attest to.

If Paradis would even remotely know what he can do in bed (and they would if Connie told them, he lives next door), even more people would run down his house than they already do to get a piece of him. Jesus Christ, the Ackerstamina. But I mean. People are probably suspecting it. 

How can you not move like a god in bed if you can bend yourself into any Pythagorean shape mid-air. Him being a fighter also gives him experience with managing energy when you have sex, I’m not kidding. Levi can even handle you thrusting right back on his tongue, and even your jokes about how he’s getting the cream to his tea now.

Levi is already kind of dripping in juice. His fingers are sweaty, this time it’s something on his face and hands he prefers though. He won’t wipe it off just yet. So you take on the task to put a condom on him — kind of expensive, mysteriously imported, gotta make every one count my friend — and have Levi take you from behind to soil the bedsheets completely at this point. 

Levi lets all the leaking happen, of course he notices, and yet he’s too focused on you gripping his cock hard all the way. So much for walls. Levi has to surrender to the thought of you squeezing him in any way you fancy at this point. That doesn’t just include the face, that much he learned. His cock is gonna fall off, you tighten up so much and make him squirm, Levi’s all blissed out.

He can’t handle your ass either. He just stares like the Founding Titan invented a brand new method to hypnotize the Ackermans or something. Although. Why’d you need to come up with something, though? People they love completely enthrall them already. 

If we know something by now, it's that every Ackerman gets completely fucked in the head out of the blue and sent to another dimension when they’re with the love of their life, no hypnotizing device needed. Levi is clasping his teeth for his dear life back there. People asking him if he’s gone mad he’d answer ‚maybe‘, but if you asked him if this made him lose it he would admit it.

Since he doesn’t know what to do with his hands again, you ask him to place them at your waist. „Properly, now slide in, Levi.“ — He takes his time for the first few thrusts, grunts, but gets the hang of it, in fact he’s a pro in the making. All that vertical maneuvering can turn into horizontal maneuvering very quickly. Levi feels so strange and so good at the same time, it’s overwhelming. How can something he thought would be so dirty be this amazing? 

And since this position allows him to penetrate you even deeper, Levi gets the full experience of being inside of you times two. The wet noise already turns him on, his body feels so warmed up, and he feels really shocked he’s doing this. Although his face won’t show, it’ll be concentrated as before. On the inside, Levi is losing it.

He can’t get enough of your body and how you tell him what to do, Levi will be driving it home in no time. You’re gonna have your jaw dropped by how lusty he can get yourself, but also love how he’s really breaking a sweat just because of your hard grip. Who would have thought. 14-meter class titans got nothing on you. Levi’s entire neck and chest is glazed over. You call him out on it, all you’re gonna get is a little ‚tch, that’s your fault, woman‘. I mean of course it is. He’s literally at your mercy. I told you he’s hilarious.

Little did you know that Levi will straight-up ignore his sweatiness and just continue, one heartbeat at a time, to really fill you out and make you feel good. Can you imagine. Levi dedicating like 20 minutes to make sweet love to you doggystyle. 

He has a good feeling for keeping you just on the verge of cumming. He even reaches around to press two fingers into your clit after five minutes of figuring out his angles. You didn’t expect this at all. It’s as if Levi can read your mind going „but his hands are gonna get really messy, why?“ — he just goes on rubbing and says, deadpan: „Miss, do I look like I care.“

Some dirty things in the world are just there to annoy him. They’re not existing to make his life easier. And toilet humor-related things: We know Levi’s stance on that. Wet pussy on the other hand: Surprise. He thinks of it very differently. Levi is pretty caught off guard by the fact that you loving and adoring him is the reason you’re leaking so much. 

It sinks in (um, literally) that you’re all drippy because you really want him inside. Not to mention that he constantly realizes just how attracted to him you are. Your desire for him, that’s Ackerman kryptonite. Levi doesn’t miss your eyes, nope. That motherfucker is a damn good face reader.

And— How warmed up your body feels in his hands, how you’re breathing. How you’re telling him exactly how to tilt to hit the good spots. How you’re sucking in air when he does just that. How you sound, grip the pillow, the sheets. Your goosebumps all over your legs. How your lips part. How you wait for every thrust. The way you tell him how good it is. Your pulse. Your own sweaty back, letting his hands on your waist slip and slide a little with the rhythm. 

How he’s struggling not to moan his soul out and chokes back. How you’re softly moving to glide off, he’s gonna lose his mind. How much you’re enjoying him and how cute you tell him he is. Whatever you’d ask of him, he’s so ready to fulfill it. You having the absolute hots for Levi is probably gonna preoccupy him for the whole night while you’re sleeping and he sits in the chair.

He’s been shooting grumpy cat level eye daggers with extra Ackerpoison at the corps couples for walking around showing any signs of this. Making all those lovey-dovey faces or going to the back of the barn together. Levi has chased them with his favored broom to whoop-diddly-doop those horndog soldiers back on track, swirling his weapon of choice around to send a sweeping cloud of dust after them.

Whereas now… he has to deal with the fact that he really loves all that horny stuff. Cognitive dissonance 101 is striking him out of nowhere. I mean he’d not fuck in the barn, that one is truly disgustingly shittily bastardly filthy or however he’d word it, but you get the gist. He caught feelings and caught pleasure — and that’s such a good thing.

His problem is, Levi wouldn’t know how to fawn right back at you. Except saying „good job“ like he’d praise a cadet, but he decides that’s not something to say during sex. He’s very right about that indeed. So instead: He will always reply to you accordingly and with Levi-typical honesty. 

If you say you love how he kisses your neck from behind, he will tell you he’s enjoying it as well because damn he loves that spot indeed (titans can tell you a story about it… Levi has such a neck fixation, that fucker). And: Letting actions speak the loudest with him. He’s a practical guy. Levi’s hands can to the most complicated reverse grips and all that crazy human Beyblade shit. Getting you off at his fingertips is gonna be his easiest exercise ever once he gets into it.

He doesn’t even do it to show off at this point. Levi is just that kind of a sex machine and eager to please, not to mention god, is he obedient and a giver in disguise. If Levi were offered the most luxurious, expensive tea available versus your breasts to suck on for a week given he’s free of titan duty… that cup is gonna turn cold. He loves the skinship and he loves giving you a fuckton of orgasms, as many as you like and as many he has time for.

Self-explanatory, this is something he will not feel one bit of regret about. Hours touching you is the farthest from wasting time to Levi. The less he holds back with his love, the more secure things become. He doesn’t feel the misery he thought he’d run into, nor does it feel like a reckless act that’s only something feeble. 

The new soap every other week on his table alone reminds him you’re here to stay and like his every quirk, and make this a private thing rather than something to parade around. You never lied saying „Levi, you’re mine.“ He does wrap his head around the fact that all of this is happening with time.

Levi finds your relationship meaningful because it gives him feelings and exactly that emotional harbor he never had before, and he gifts you the reverence of your lifetime since Levi doesn’t half-ass anything. You reassured and guided him so much, he looks up to that, it breaks down his prejudice against loving more and more. That’s how you’ll feel intimate in all kinds of ways for very intense hours he can spare to make the most out of it. 

From the light touch at his arm to making out until the candles burn down. And if you tell Levi to sell the deal and dedicate his heart, how can he not take that as a serious order. He has to be guarded to put his guard down, and that’s what you can offer him, and he will create something lasting out of it. Promise is promise to him, we all know.

RELATED:  sub!levi hc (tea shop au) | life after war (levi’s happy end)

multifandom mlist | levi writings on ao3

© 2017-2021 submissive-bangtan. all rights reserved. no reposts and translations allowed.

[exitrowiron]

What gets measured gets managed (unfortunately)

and the more something is measured, the more it is managed

It took me 3 hours to write a cogent explanation of how I feel about the pandemic situation. I feel better having organized my thoughts and hope you find it helpful.

The horror of a pandemic is that there are no good options.  There are no easy solutions, just shitty choices and shittier consequences.  The way we’re navigating those choices is curiously influenced by our measurements and our instinctual, primitive decision making.

Let’s start with the measurements.  I live in Minnesota where the rate of infection and death has been relatively modest.  How modest?  The Star Tribune reports the statistics each day on the front page in large print: as of April 17, 2020 there were 2,071 confirmed infections and 111 deaths.  The national statistics are more sobering: 705,112 confirmed infections and 58,346 deaths.  I’m not one who accuses the media of being aligned with the liberal elite or any of that other horseshit, but I do think the media has failed in one critical way - the media has failed to provide CONTEXT when reporting these figures.

Our primitive brains are bad at big numbers.  Our brains are evolved for the kind of numbers you see on the savanna; the kind of numbers you would see in your tribe.  More than you can count on your fingers, but not much more than that.  Numbers bigger than that are alarming; they are inherently difficult for our emotional, fear driven, immediate-danger-avoiding brains to grasp.  It’s difficult to make good pandemic response decisions because the numbers are too big for effective gut decisions.  The best way to help our under-powered caveman brains is by adding context.  Context, context, context.  

Here is the context: in 2017 in Minnesota 44,361 people died (121.5 per day).  Nationally in 2018, 2,839,205 died (7,778 per day). Think about that for a moment... nearly 8,000 people die every day; can you imagine if the newspaper headlines every day kept a running tally? These are large numbers but they aren’t in the headlines every day because we’ve become accustomed to them.  Our brains don’t associate those large numbers with an immediate threat and they’ve become white noise.  My point is, large numbers are scary.  Large numbers without context are even scarier.

Our collective response to the virus is driven by more than just the large numbers however.  We’re also disarmed by the novelty of the threat.  Ironically, the virus is often referred to in exactly this way; the novel Covid-19 Corona virus.  Indeed, our brains react strongly to all novel threats.  From an evolutionary perspective it’s very helpful to react strongly to new threats.  From a public policy perspective, however, it’s not as productive.  In 2018 59,120 people died from influenza or pneumonia.  The deaths were concentrated among the elderly (but not exclusively) and yet 54% of the US didn’t get a flu shot in the 2018-19 flu season. You’ll hear a variety of excuses for not getting a flu shot, but with the exception of those who are immune compromised, all the excuses are BS.  The real reason is the regular flu is no longer a novel threat.  There is a different flavor of flu each year and everyone other than Trump (and perhaps the governor of Georgia) knows it kills a lot of people.  But it’s not a new threat and it hasn’t killed us yet (obviously) so most of us (not me) ignore the opportunity to get vaccinated.  Again, this is an evolutionary relic, hardwired into the physiology of our brain, influencing our behavior.  We are highly attuned to new, acute threats and very good (too good) at ignoring chronic threats.  Examples of ignoring chronic threats abound - type II diabetes, climate change, and the runaway concentration of wealth in modern economies are just a few examples. My point is that even when we put the numbers in context, humans always react disproportionately to a novel threat.

This brings us to the issue of measurements.  The axiom, “What gets measured gets managed” (wrongly attributed to Peter Drucker) is most definitely true.  The Dow Jones Industrial Average is reported with such accuracy, precision and frequency that it is often mistaken as THE measure of the health of the economy (an error which Trump encouraged until very recently).  Numbers are influential when reported that way and any number which is widely reported and frequently updated most definitely gets managed.  This is true even if managing the number in question has deleterious unintended consequences.  Again, this is true of the stock market.  The DJIA is NOT an effective comprehensive measurement of the health of the US economy, yet it is widely revered as such and it’s performance is stimulated and protected in ways which are often harmful to actual health of the overall economy. My point is that when it comes to public policy, the numbers we can easily measure and report each day and therefore manage the shit out of are almost always the wrong numbers and trying to optimize these numbers can have very harmful unintended consequences.  The important things to measure are always harder to measure; they change slowly over time and are very difficult to influence (again think of your weight, the environment and the distribution of wealth).

We’re also influenced by who we see and hear.  Today we hear from health experts (doctors, nurses, Dr. Fauci and the CDC, etc.).  These are all people who have dedicated their career to extending the lives of others at any cost.  You can’t expect the CDC to balance their recommendations to save as many lives today as possible with the longer term societal consequences.  That’s not the team they play for.  It would be like asking a tax accountant to consider the benefits of tax simplification.  If you really want to have a balanced discussion on this issue you need to have a few historians and economists sharing the microphone with Dr. Fauci and unfortunately no one ever wants to hear from a historian or economist.  

This is where we are today.  A novel threat has so focused our attention on managing and minimizing the large, frequently reported out of context numbers of illnesses and deaths that we’ve incorrectly assumed that our responses won’t cause an equal or greater amount of longer term misery, illness and death.  Our instinctual reaction is reinforced by only asking for the advice of those whose life mission is minimizing short term illness and death.  It is naive to think that shutting down the economy for weeks or months won’t have equal or more serious health and morbidity consequences.  But it is true that those consequences won’t be measurable, certainly not in daily newspaper headlines.

I’ve seen the memes accusing politicians and the rich of deciding the economy and their fortunes are worth the death of 2-3% of the population.  My argument is not about protecting the economy for the sake of the economy or the rich.  My argument is that there are no good options and we can’t pretend that lowering the Corona virus deaths at all costs now won’t have worse long term misery, illness and morbidity consequences over the long term.  (If you don’t think trashing an economy and creating runaway inflation doesn’t have health and morbidity consequences just spend a few minutes reading about Venezuela.) Our current flatten-the-curve-at-all-costs strategy primarily benefits the old (the most at risk of the virus) while endangering the health and wellness of the young over the long term.  I definitely don’t fall in the young camp so I’m not saying this in my own self-interest.  I’m not a historian either but I can’t recall a successful society making a similar choice. 

I absolutely loathe the idea of being associated with the kind of people who are currently shouting about the cure being worse than illness.  But if I really examine what’s driving my emotional response to this situation (which I’ve tried to explain above), I can’t help but agree. (Though you won’t find me blocking the entrance to a hospital like the militia morons on Michigan.) If you’re a politician who is actually trying to lead, you’re really screwed right now, because there are no good options.  Either way you will be legitimately criticized for the consequences of your decision and only one of those choices has consequences which can easily be measured in the next election cycle.  

What’s going to happen next is what has to happen.  Some time soon the Fed is going to run out of bullets.  States and municipalities are constitutionally prohibited from running deficits and can’t afford >25% unemployment compensation claims AND falling tax revenues for very long. In a complete vacuum of federal leadership (even within constitutional limits), states will cobble together policies allowing most businesses to reopen and most people will go back to work, albeit with masks and as much social distancing as possible. We will hope that the last few weeks has increased our ICU and ventilator capacity and advanced our treatment protocols enough to avoid a rebound in fatalities.  This is the unavoidable reality. 

My closing thought is that the process of discovering the unavoidable necessity of reopening the economy is sadly, a bit like finding out that Santa isn’t real.  Most kids figure it out on their own and can’t help but feel a bit disappointed that their parents didn’t just sit them down and tell them the truth.  I remember feeling embarrassed and naive.  I kind of feel like that now.  The Trump administration should have done a better job preparing for a pandemic, starting by not firing the team put in place by Obama.  But it’s too late for that.  Now we’re just left with shitty choices with shittier consequences.  Let’s at least have an adult conversation and stop hoping that Santa is going to make it all go away with warm weather, or hydroxychloroquine, the wall, international travel restrictions or whatever other snake oil Trump is selling.

[failureoftheyear-blog]

I will go down with this ship: Chapter 28 (Analysis)

Hello.

Okay, so this not how I usually start my chapters. Meaning that this is special, as you can see by the chapter title. However, I think you guys are going to really like it.

So you've probably worked out that this is not going to be a chapter continuing the story (Which I am still in the progress of), but of something different indeed. This isn't another fantasy nor a 'ship sunk' note. This is something that is rather unheard of in the fanfiction area, and quite possibly writing in general.

This is an analysis.

Now, many of you have perhaps lost interest. Though I'm inviting you to view the characters in a new light, one that'll make you appreciate this story even more. I'll keep this VERY, VERY interesting for you. Especially with the incredible concepts of writing a story.

But I'm blabbering at this point. In this (relatively) short analysis, you'll see the character development of Sasuke and Naruto; including their relationship at this current moment of time. While I do leave a few things up to you guys as interpretation, I have carefully constructed this story for many purposes. So I'll start of with the easiest character.

Sasuke

Now, you probably think I'm smoking crack if Sasuke is considered the 'easiest' character to think about, but you'll be surprised by how simple his current character is.

This has been done purposely.

I've put Sasuke as a...blank canvas, shall we say? This has been done to create room for Sasuke to develop his own indentity. At the moment, there is nothing that separates him and a dozen Ojos. He was raised in the same circumstances and has done everything that is expected of him. He actually isn't special in any way if you think about it. His character is prissy, demanding and overall arrogant. Though it was interesting to see how you, the readers, reacted to his character…

He was meant to annoy you guys, to make you hate him and believe he is another annoying brat. Though it seems you had liked his character and you seemed to jump to his defence often. I was baffled at first. He was meant to be this useless baggage, more along these lines.

"By the way, Sasuke feels so useless to me, but I suposed it's because his an ojo, but yeah... When he was tending Kiba, it was refreshing" -Chapter 21, guest.

I wondered how you liked this character, but then I realised.

Innocence.

You all came to his rescue like a mother would to her child. And you believed that Sasuke was innocent like a child, one that needed protecting. I'm not saying you are wrong, in fact, it caused me to change him into a more naive character. After the positive feedback I got, I had created a Sasuke that is curious, innocent and quite naive. Though we know that traits of a person always change when faced with events or just time in general. In effect, Sasuke is no longer a blank canvas. He has a lot of development to go, but he has been established as intelligent and somewhat fierce. You actually get a piece of information from the story itself! Remember that women that read Sasuke's palm. What she said was untapped? Rebellion. Rebelling against what is yet to be revealed. Something that even I am to discover.

Though I want to talk about Sasuke and his role in my story. On first glance, you may perceive him as the 'love interest', but this could not be further from the truth. Sasuke is what you call an 'Unexpected protagonist'. All that means without the fancy words, is that person A (Naruto) is expected to be the hero or the leader, while the person B (Sasuke) is secretly the REAL hero.

Le gasp.

So Sasuke is the hero. Naruto is the love interest.

Double le gasp.

Now I know what you're thinking. They don't act like their assigned roles, so how are they supposed to be those characters? It's simple really.

Sasuke is the hero as he is the one the story is centered around. He is the one that makes or breaks the story. His actions and decisions is the 'butterfly effect' (quickly google it if you don't know what that is). He is the one with the 'struggle' in the story. This all suits to his hero character. Naruto on the other hand is the love interest. While he has other purposes (which I will discuss later) his main one is to be the love interest.

Though it may surprise you to know that Naruto is not the only love interest. He is one of three.

Oh my.

From SASUKE'S PERSPECTIVE; Naruto is the clique love interest. All that means is that he is the 'predictable' love interest, that the readers understand that he is the one the hero will mostly end up with. Neji is the rival love interest. His sole purpose to is be the opposite of Naruto. Be everything he is not. Neji is a pretty interesting topic actually...I'll get to him after I tell you about the third love interest. This is the mystery love interest. Someone you don't expect to be the hero's love interest, but is shown in mild romantic situations with the hero. This is good development. Because realistically, in a large group of people, there is bound to be more than one source of romance. The mystery love interest isn't one person, it can stem to multiple people. For example...Shikamaru could possibly be a mystery love interest, while Suigetsu could also be one at the same time. Some will be more obvious than others. The only exception to this is Sakura. She is the closest to Sasuke, but she is not the love interest. She is the 'helper' to the 'hero'.

Back to Neji. This is a bit...wishy-washy, since we've seen very little of Neji, but he has made a large impression. He is Sasuke's fiancee and rival love interest. Is he in love with Sasuke? Possibly. Is Sasuke in love with him? Hm, well, that's up to you guys really. As a person who studies psychology independantly, I can tell you that you can force yourself to love someone. Even 'true love' can be forced to a certain extent. With Sasuke's brainwashing from a young age, it probably wouldn't be extremely hard for Sasuke to 'fall in love' with Neji. I want to bring up a review someone said before concerning this.

"If Sasuke saw Neji with the sirens, does that mean that he really liked him?!" -Chapter 21, guest.

It's an interesting question. What does Sasuke feel for Neji at this moment of time? Is it love? Respect? Duty? I suppose that goes into what you all believe 'love' is. Personally, I think it's just a chemical reaction in the brain. Though that may be a little cold-hearted. However, Sasuke's idea of love is...hm, now that I think about it, I'm not partically sure...He wouldn't think of it as 'business' like his father would. He wouldn't think it's 'pure' like his brother does. He doesn't think that it's 'dead' like Naruto. All I can tell you is that he thinks love is simple. Not in the structual sense, but in a..."If you feel/think it, then it's there". At this moment of time, it's hard to say what he thinks about it truthfully.

I could probably write pages and pages explaining Sasuke. Why he acts kindly at times (even though it 'condradicts' his nature), why he acts as a protector for Sakura, or even Sasuke's palm reading. Though I'd be rambling...but I'll give a brief idea to why.

-He acts kindly sometimes. Explaination: Okay, so this is a bit weird to explain. It is up to intepretation, but personally I have an idea why. He knows what it's like to be treated like shit, and when he sees himself in others (Kiba being hurt for example) he wants to help in a way. This is because he is internally strong and subconsuciously wants to help himself. Sasuke isn't an idiot. He knows deep down that he is abused. Though he represses the thoughts because he doesn't think that he can do anything to stop it. Like a self-fullfilling prohecy (google it) in a sense. So seeing others in weak states causes a lot of empathy within Sasuke. Of course, Sasuke had NO fucking idea about this, it's all sub-consucious. So the reason that he also treats people like utter horseshit is just due to his upbringing and environment.

-He acts like a protector for Sakura. Explaination: Pretty simple actually, it's similar to the explaination from before. He acts to Sakura, how Itachi acts to him. A big brother. A protector. Sasuke wants to protect Sakura as she is his family, his sister. He sees his younger, defenceless self in Sakura and wants to save himself and her from the deeply rooted self-hatred he has got for himself.

-Sasuke's palm reading. Explaination: The rebellion will not be explained as I am unsure of how or when it will be implemented. Loyalty, he has a bit of a big heart and so his loyalty often lies in what his heart feels the most. He has a small amount of people that he cares about, but he keeps them the closest. Intelligence was pure dumb luck. His genes, his surroundings, his brother, his curiousness lead him to become smart. Lacking in a bit of common sense, but his natural instinct is on point.

Okay, so I've rambled on about Sasuke for about three pages and I don't want to disinterest you so I'll move onto my beloved blonde.

Naruto

This character in my story has proven to be...somewhat difficult? Not in this analysis, but creating a consistent character for him and sending the right message to the audience. So before I explain Naruto, here are what you guys mistake about him and the corrections.

-Naruto only acts flirtatious towards Sasuke.

Noooooot true at all. He flirts with almost every person, Sasuke was never an exception. He has a very flirty personality, he is quite promiscious. He ain't flirting with Sasuke for any other reason than to annoy him a little.

-Since Naruto had a sex dream about Sasuke, he likes him romantically.

Let me just stop you there. Karin also says in response to Naruto having a sex dream about Sasuke with "You need to stop having sex dreams about your crew" meaning that Naruto has fantasized on many encounts about others, even though he isn't romantically invested. Even in the dream he was aware that he wasn't awake.

-Naruto sees his mother in Sasuke.

I don't even know where y'all got that from. Like seriously. What.

-Naruto is emotionally open.

Actually, he isn't very opened…Alright, ready for a little canon? No? Too bad. Remember when Naruto met Dark!Naruto? If you don't know what I'm talking about, it's not really important. It was just a version of Naruto inside of himself; one of hate and resentment towards the village and how they treated him. I've decided to implement some of that. Naruto being somewhat bitter and resentful for the unfair life he's kind of had. Also to the royalists, since they abuse their power and that boils Naruto's blood. He isn't innocent and is a little bitter on the inside. Of course he is still bubbly and a ray of sunshine, but no one is 100% pure goodness.

Alright, I can't think of any more corrections for the moment...so I'll move on!

Okay, so I've already pointed out Naruto as the clique love interest (CLI), but that's only his primary objective in the story. He has a second role.

Say what?

So I'm about to drop some media knowledge on yo asses. So eat your heart out. (Pretty good reference for writing your own stories).

What I'm blabbering about is Vladimir Propp (fucking cool name) and his film theory about action stories. That any good story has 7 set characters, keep in mind that characters can take up more than one role.

-Hero (seeks something) Sasuke

-Villain (Opposes the hero) Technically, in this case it's the royalists and the class system

-The donor (Prepares the hero or gives them something that'll aid them) Sakura

-The dispatcher (Sends the hero on his way) Naruto and Sakura annnnd kind of Itachi

-The false hero (Falsely assuming the role of the hero) Naruto

-The help (Supports the hero) Sakura

-The love interest (You can guess what it is) Naruto, Neji, multiple others

And there you go, well done, you learnt something today. Though we're talking about Naruto specifically here, his character. So now you can kind of see his purpose, but he is the personification of controversy. He is meant to go against everything Sasuke was taught to believe. He is meant to shock and 'scare' Sasuke, which he's doing a pretty good job of doing. He's also meant to evoke feeling from Sasuke.

No, not just lust and love or whatever. But empathy, sympathy, guilt, anger. To make a human out of him. Becasue I FUCKING HATE IT when the entire story is just about romance like...Harry Potter wasn't just about magic, Naruto isn't just about Ninjas, and Attack On Titans isn't just about titans! You see where I'm coming from. That's why it isn't all romance and a lot of this story is character driven and goes to the perspective of others. Sasuke's perspective goes into his beliefs and thoughts, not just

"OH NARU-KUN! YOU MAKE MY PANTIES OH SO WET, DON'T LOOK AT ME, B-BAKA!"

Seriously. I've read the stories like that. Not my cup of ramen.

Anyway. Naruto is hard to explain other than he is like an iceberg. Yes, he is really cool, but what I mean is that there is more than meets the eyes. Like...go search up iceberg metaphor in images right now. You'll see what I'm saying. Though let's go back to the sirens.

#Nostalgia

Now, as you may remember, Naruto didn't see anyone, but only saw a silouette of a random figure. And no, the figure wasn't Sasuke. It wasn't anybody to be fair. You see, siren's form of attack is to lure their prey with the most desirable thing to that person. Nooo that doesn't mean they'll show who you love, but who you lust rather. The only exception is Sasuke, but I'll mention that later…

Anyway, Naruto doesn't have any particular love for anyone nor any particular lust. The main power that the siren's have to influence their prey is their voice, so the singing is what lured Naruto. You can probably guess why.

COUGH dead mom COUGH COUGH I gotta get some medicine, seriously. Anyway, before I move on to the relationship between Naruto and Sasuke, I want to bring a great review to attention!

"I don't know but this conflict with Naruto just come in the right time. This makes Sasuke grows, I think. He learns that little kind and honest gestures make friendship. And friendship is important. He learns that he can learn to stand and has others support as well. The question is if he becomes his own person from being detached from Naruto too long then he wouldn't seek comfort with Naruto anymore. And how will love grow? I love this" Chapter 28, guest.

YES. YES. A MILLION FUCKING TIMES YES.

Everything said here is so perfect I want to actually make love not only to the reviewer, but the review itself. COME HERE, SEXY MAMASITA. Cough, sorry. I'm soooo glad someone caught onto the fact that this confict was all planned from the beginning like ! Haha! So happy about this reivew, because it also goes into Sasuke's dependency on Naruto. Naruto's sudden cold shoulder is to make Sasuke grow, but also challenge Naruto for a change.

Whoop. There it is.

Usually, it's Naruto challenging Sasuke, but in a masive turn of events, it's the opposite way around! Sasuke is making Naruto feel something he never felt before. A glimmer, albeit small, of craving something more than teasing.

Did you guys ever notice that even though Naruto flirts with everyone, he doesn't make any actual proposals to sleep together or anything? Like, he crew wouldn't say no! Most of them would love the chance to spend the night with the sexy, blonde captain. So why doesn't he take advantage. Simple.

He isn't actually interested in sexual encounters with people he knows. Okay, so Naruto's view on love is that it doesn't exist. And every person he's slept with has been a stranger. His first time was with some whore in a brothal that Jiriaya took him to. If you asked, Naruto wouldn't even know if it was a girl or boy, nevermind the name. He always saw sex as a stress relief or just some casual pleasure. He has only slept with prositutes and people who are rather 'loose'. No one respectable or anyone that he actuallu likes in a romantic way. So why? Why does Naruto keep up a flirtatious front for everyone or is it just his real nature?

Well, both.

He is a flirty guy, but some of it is forced to a certain extent. I'll let you guys decide why~

Now onto the next thing!

Naruto and Sasuke's relationship

Okay, yes. This is a love story between Sasuke and Naruto, but I have to tell you that they aren't in love yet, nor do they have strong romantic feelings for one another. A lot of you think that they are close, they are to some extent, yet they are still getting to know eachother. I think chapter 29 or 30 will clear that up. Yes, there is sexual tension, but that's not too strange for them at this age. There isn't much of a bond, I need to strengten that before I can even consider anything romantic. I will make cute and fluffy moments, but that's mostly for you guys (fanservice y'all). However! Any concerns they have for each other are purely normal for the concept of 'friendship' or 'character building'. Pretty much how it is in the actual Naruto canon, even soulmates have to develop their relationship over time. Besides, it would be a shitty story if they instantly liked each other.

Though a lot of you guys are probably annoyed by this, I just have to make some god damn corrections.

-Naruto and Sasuke are in love!

No.

-Naruto loves Sasuke!

No.

-Sasuke loves Naruto!

No.

-They are starting to have romantic feelings for eachother!

Ugh. No. Not yet! You guys are getting romantic feelings and sexual frustration confused.

Okay. Let's start with Sasuke on this. Sasuke is 100% sexually repressed, like whoo daddy.

"Sexual repression is a state in which a person is prevented from expressing his or her sexuality. Sexual repression is often associated with feelings of guilt or shame being associated with sexual impulses" Definition of sexually repressed, google.

Alright, now let's look at some sources that explain the effects of being sexually repressed.

"But even today, it is widely recognized that repression of sexuality is unhealthy and quite likely to lead to health problems ranging from anxiety and aggression, and on a more serious note, there is also the likelihood that the person might seek inappropriate outlets for their sexual urges" Alexander Burgemeester, What Is Psychology?

Okay, let's look at this for a sec. Has Sasuke demonstrated symptoms of anxiety. You're damn right. The whole thing has ben an emotional rollercoaster for the boy, even before the kidnapping. Is Sasuke aggressive? Well...FUCKING OBVIOUSLY. How many times has he snapped at people or turned to aggression and threats in the span of a few seconds? A lot. So Sasuke is a sexually repressed person who is suffering ALL the side effects. Why? Mostly shame, guilt and religion. Shame from society as he is an Ojo and it's 'not proper' for him to feel sexual needs. Guilt because Sasuke isn't a asexual person, he has felt sexual desires (against his will by his own body) though felt bad for having them because he will blame himself for even feeling like that even though it's natural to do so. Religion is for obvious reasons because Sasuke is very religious and therefore believes unmarried sex is a sin, along with masturbation.

So the reason I've made Naruto give small sexual acts towards him; groping hands, wandering caresses, slapping asses. Alla that jazz. Is because Sasuke needs to learn to embrace that side to himself, Naruto is giving him baby steps into it. Yes, it may be sexual harrassment to a certain extent, but it's doing Sasuke a lot of good. Besides, who's to say that Sasuke doesn't secretly enjoy it? Fufufu, well, that'll be a chapter for another day…

Anywho, this is the sexual status of Sasuke. So with this and my eariler explanation of Naruto's promiscious behaviour, I can explain the sexual tension between them.

Sexual tension is build off of mulitple things. Something as simple as attraction can be cause or something complex as dependancy. The reason for the sexual tension between Naruto and Sasuke is for three reasons. One is the line between love and hate. Two is new found attraction. Three is natural selection that goes back for centuries.

Okay, so we all know how love and hate have a blurred line. There are many theories, but the one I'll be using to explain mine is the biological approach. The part of the brain that controls the strongest emotions (love and hate) are the same. So love and hate are controlled by the same part.

Mic drop.

And these can be recognised as one of the strongest emotions. What characters are well known for having heightened emotions to do with love and hate? Well, it's not the cookie monster. Naruto and Sasuke, even in my story, have shown some of the strongest emotions. Sasuke with his fierceness and Naruto with his passion. With this, every situation they are in has a larger spectrum of emotions that are more likely to be felt more. So each sexual scene between them increases the sexual tension from 0 to 100 real quick.

This links in with the second point. Attraction. Attraction is the base for the sexual tension between the two. Sasuke is presented with the sexually active, handsome blonde that oozes sex appeal. Naruto's entire aura is full of sex and passion. Sasuke isn't helped when Naruto flirts with him or corners him on purpose. And of course Sasuke is by far the most beautiful characters in the entire story. Everything he is desired to be, he is. Naruto wouldn't be able to deny that Sasuke is one fine motherfucker. This attraction only increase with time and costume changes. (Leaf outfit, Naruto shirtless).

And finally, the third reason. natural selection. This may sound a bit weird at first, but stay with me here. Since the beginning of time, most animals seek out partners for protection. Sasuke is protected by Naruto on many occasions and is always seeing Naruto demonstrating his strength. Naturally, Sasuke's primal instincts would deem Naruto a suitor. However, Naruto needs to 'beat' the other rivals to completely win over Sasuke. While Sasuke is desirable for producing offspring, his entire life has been building his body and making it so that he'll provide a strong and healthy baby with the odds in his favour for survival. Since it's very important to remember that in these time, the mother dying at childbirth was highly likely. So Naruto's primal instinct is to go for whoever can provide him with the strongest off spring. With Naruto and Sasuke filling each other's requirements. It makes it harder to deny the sexual interest they have in one another.

But let me remind you.

THEY ARE NOT ROMANTICALLY INVOLVED YET.

Romance will build soon, but it hasn't started yet. Because they've only known each other for 1 week and 2 days. Yes, it has been proven that people can fall in love within 4 minutes, but their first meeting wasn't exactly...loved up.

While I would love love love to go on. Sadly I must refrain. I can't give away all the secrets, I mean, I can't tell you why…

-Naruto has suddenly pushed Sasuke away

-Whether or not Sasuke would survive without Naruto emotionally

-If the current relationship between the two is healthy

-If they actually end up together (still deciding)

-Sasuke's rebellion

-What Tsunade and Jiraiya thinks of the relationship

-Karin's feelings (going to be revealed in under 10 chappies!)

-Sasuke's feelings about Itachi and Izumi's relationship

-Mystery rivals that'll seek Sasuke out more than others

-Why Naruto's eyes can turn red…

I'm guessing the last one got your interest the most, right? Heheh, well, it's not that...exciting...so...yeah...sorry...but it will be shown why.

[scarrinotspooky]

briefly embarrassed by the fact i am in my jammies as the cute girl at the convenience store counter looks at me in vague horror before realizing the horror is actually because i smell like vomit and blood and am covered in black blood and bile