#rehab can suck my ass today

[eternalergo]

called in sick today because had one hell of a night :) migraine and chronic stomach pain my beloved.

[eternal-ascensionism]

Song Fic maybe???

Hii! I have a request for you, its a Bucky Barnes x avenger!reader idea with the song "Love Again" by Dua Lipa. Where maybe reader has been through some tough/ toxic relationships and swears off of romance once they joined the avengers but then when Bucky returns from Wakanda the reader begins to develope a crush on Bucky as he flirts with them after having a crush on her from the moment he met them. Maybe the reader thoughts align with the lyrics of the song and in the end the reader lets their heart open and starts dating Bucky after he knocks down all of thier walls :) (Also reader can be female or GN and I tried to give you some like guide but didn't want to restrict you!) Hope you have a good day :D

Ok first anon I love you sm for puttin me on this song it BANGS and I love this idea sm!!!

This is technically more like avengers assistant!reader because I suck at finding cohesive ways to fit an original character into the avengers team ((I have tried since I was 16 LMAO)) but hopefully it still works! Hope you enjoy!

Heaven’s Right Here, Baby 

Bucky x Avenger!Reader

Themes: Angst, comfort, fluff

Warnings:Angst; discussions of: war, PTSD, abusive relationships, trauma bonding, etc. (if you pick up on any I’ve missed pleeease let me know!!)

💗

I glance upward as I hear the rumble above, eyes squinting against the sun’s rays. For some unknown reason, I’d been expecting some grand aircraft; a sleek jet or maybe one of the large helicarriers I’d seen in the hangar back at the Avengers’ HQ when I first arrived. What I was met with was a rather modest plane I’d estimate could fit ten passengers at best. It didn’t really matter, I knew the man aboard couldn’t care less about materialism or prestige. Still, he was one of our team’s brightest and most respected members. It simply felt odd to receive him back via such underwhelming conditions. 

Up until this point, I’d only ever worked basic civilian jobs or the occasional temp gig. However after a particularly traumatic breakup, I’d decided that being miserable and barely living above the poverty line wasn’t cutting it anymore. It took a good few years and a considerable amount of ass kissing, but I eventually got offered a role as an assistant of sorts for Nick Fury in New York City.

Natasha was the first person I’d found myself bonding with; the first night I’d spent in the tower was a long one, and she had spent a large chunk of it comforting me by making me laugh with her Captain America impression. Funnily enough, I’d meet Steve Rogers the next morning in the kitchen. He walked into the kitchen and shook my hand, exchanging names and pleasantries with me as the rest of the team filtered in. I watched anxiously as they all began to dig into the food; I couldn’t pinpoint why, but I found myself desperate to impress each of my new coworkers.

Introductions were made, meals were finished, and I beamed at the compliments toward my cooking. To my surprise the conversations seemed to flow naturally. I couldn’t help but linger on one man in particular, though. His metal arm gleamed brilliantly in the lighting of the spacious dining area. He was a man of few words. Bucky, they called him. The next month consisted of me making a fool of myself through several missions, distracted each time by that smolder and the tortured look behind his eyes. It was a look I knew all too well. Still, I didn’t dare approach sergeant Barnes out of fear. Whether it be fear of authority or my lingering fear of men, I wasn’t sure. Didn’t make much difference; the less interactions, the better. The last thing I needed was to get in over my head during what’s meant to be my fresh start.

Today was his return from the last stage of a program for training and rehab that began long before I came into the picture. From what I understood, it all began a few years back when the late King T’Challa harbored Bucky; partly as a favor to Steve, and partly out of respect for the sergeant. He saw James Buchanan Barnes beyond the outgrown hair and the guarded demeanor. He saw someone worth fighting to save. By the time I’d arrived, his reserved nature had let up a bit. We both exhibit similar acts such as hypervigilance, but I suppose that’ll always remain in some small way. We’re part of the team tasked with ensuring the safety of earth, after all.

I wave a hand to Bucky as he steps off the walkway, a bag slung over his shoulder. When he sees me and the team, he shoots us a small grin. It wasn’t until he made it halfway across the asphalt that I registered the changes of his left arm. The once scuffed and faded titanium had been replaced with a new, higher quality gold and silver prosthetic.

“Vibranium,” Bucky offers, having picked up on my stare. “Shuri helped me.”

I felt a pang in my chest as he looked at it proudly. It was the same ache I’d gotten every time I’d bore witness to sergeant Barnes letting pieces of his real self shine through. I could try and lie to myself, but I’m grown. I know what it means to have feelings for someone. As much as I’d fought to stay neutral from the beginning, something about Bucky had always pulled at my heart. I would never let him know, but he’d melted some part of me that I’d spent years freezing out. Still, I’d vowed to keep to the professional relationship I’ve created with the former soldier. I couldn’t risk letting something like random feelings of fondness jeopardize my job. I am here to help others and to run away from my demons, nothing more and nothing less.

-

“I never thought that I would find a way out, I never thought I’d hear my heart beat so loud. I can’t believe there’s something left in my chest anymore”

-

Upon our entry to the tower, we were met by the quiet humming of music. Puzzled, we all made our way to the lounge area where we found Tony behind the bar in the corner. He raised a glass of amber-colored liquid in our direction as a greeting. “Welcome back, Barnes. Dig the new scrap pieces.”

Bucky rolled his eyes and pointed to the speakers built into the tall ceiling overhead. “Thanks. What’s with the music?” Swinging around the bar to stand in front of us, Tony smirked.

“What? Can’t we have a little homecoming celebration? We missed you, bud.” Before he could reply, Natasha interjected, grabbing Tony’s free hand.

“In that case, let’s dance. You’ve only got six months before your wedding and Pepper is gonna kill you if you step on her white heels.”

I watch in glee as Nat drags Tony away to the open space near the couch to practice his moves for the big day. Everyone branched off into pairs, leaving me standing at the bar with a can of soda while Bucky perched on the arm of the recliner. These little moments of joy made being alive less painful each day. I continued observing my teammates for a while before hearing someone clear their throat from beside me. “Wanna dance, doll?”

The low timbre gave him away without so much as a sideways glance. It was sergeant Barnes. Asking me to dance. With him. Ignoring the cold sensation shooting through my veins, I threw him a smile and nodded. Offering me a hand, we make our way over to the spot where the others are swaying to the crooning of an early 1900s love song. With the way Bucky and Steve perked up as it came on, I’d be willing to bet they were grooving to it back in the days of its first release. The thought warms my heart, and I risk placing my head on Bucky’s shoulder as we let the music guide us. Maybe trusting him for one dance wouldn’t hurt. Maybe it’s okay to let my guard down just this once.

-

“I never knew I had it in me to dance anymore, but god damn, you’ve got me in love again.”

-

Love. That’s what it was. I hated to admit it to myself, it scared me to the point of lost sleep and vomiting, quite frankly. But I couldn’t bear pretending any more. Bucky had been back in New York for all of two weeks before we started being sent on missions together to gather intel on a potential threat. I didn’t know the details, they only ever told me what was absolutely necessary to carry out a job. They explained it was so that if I were to be caught, I could play dumb as a simple civilian caught up in bigger matters on accident. You never know what tactics someone may have to pull the truth from you, but there’s nothing to be extracted if I truly know nothing. However, at the current moment, I wished for little more than to be pulled from this room and dragged elsewhere. I tear my eyes from my debrief notes to stare back at the disheveled man sat across from me. I had yet to fully process what he asked.

“What?” His frown deepens, and I almost regret asking him to repeat himself.

“Do you think I’m someone you could love?”

I was completely taken aback. Sure, the sergeant and I had some pretty deep conversations in the past. We weren’t incredibly close before his return, both of us being highly traumatized and reserved people; but pair long missions with hours spent staring off into the night watching for movement and we had begun to fill the void. He relayed stories of war and torture, and I recounted memories of toxic relationships and a traumatic childhood. It only seemed natural that we eventually progressed into becoming each other’s confidant over the last few months. When we accepted the latest task I expected us to exchange banter, maybe make up some new inside jokes. I didn’t expect it to devolve into a raw and emotional conversation about our past hurts and shortcomings. Bucky had opened up about the women he’d met before the war, branching off into a story where he’d tried to make something work with a woman he’d met briefly in Romania before he’d had to go back on the run. I could see the pain in his expression, I could hear the slight waver in his voice as he tried making sense of where he’d gone wrong in life to deserve it all.

Then he looked up at me, those big grey-blue eyes shining with unshed tears, and he asked me the one question that I know will change everything. Is he someone I could love? When he asked, I realized I already know the answer. I already know I love him.

“Yes.” He blinks at me, seemingly in shock, but I just continue. “I don’t have to think about it, Buck. I love you because you are worthy of being loved. I love you because you are inherently lovable. I love how you care about people, I love how you fight fiercely to protect them. I love how intelligent you are, and how you never use that against others. I love how you make me feel safe. I love how you’ve never given me a reason to question your motives like all the other men I’ve let into my life. I love you, and I didn’t even think I could love again.” I dabbed my sleeve over the wetness pooling under my eyes, chuckling at my own intense reaction. Discussing my feelings was never easy, but it just came naturally with Bucky.

Two hands came up to hold my cheeks as Bucky looked at my face, perhaps studying me for any sign of deceit or sarcasm. I meant every word, though. He wrapped me up in a tight hug, and after he pulled back, I felt a sudden confidence. I leaned in and pressed a soft peck to his stubble-covered cheek, delighting in the light red tint that washed over his face.

“I love you too, doll. I didn’t wanna scare you away, you mean the world to me. Just didn’t imagine you’d feel the same. Not that I’d blame you, with what you’ve told me about the others I wouldn’t blame ya if you never spoke to a man again.” Bucky laid a gentle kiss to the back of my hand that still rested in his. “Honored to be the one you trust.”

“Never have I ever met somebody like you, used to be afraid of love and what it might do. But god damn, you’ve got me in love again”

—!—

HELLO I REALLY HOPE THIS WAS WHAT YOU WANTED! I’m sorry it took me so long to finish I kept branching off with different ideas before settling on one cohesive concept and hopefully I did a decent job following your prompt! Thank you sooo much for the request this was super fun to write and honestly kickstarted my productivity which has been in the shitter since like pre 2020 lmao bless you guys <333

[soir-rouges-esprit]

xxxi.i: Coke, Blood & Handguns, and I can’t tell if that’s because I am literally much weaker physically than I was in the past when I last held it or … if I was just more conscious to the meaning of the weapon … the consequences it can bring … the ones it already holds. I don’t know really, but we grab everything hop back in the truck, and … continue on … trying to not think about it. I put the radio on and flow through the stations, which were nothing but audio sodomy, and piss-poor country music for divorced carpenters … so I plugged in my phone and started to play music from my playlist instead … first song … Cigarette Daydreams by Cage The Elephant … as the song plays I rest my head against the window, looking up at the light-polluted sky in an attempt to find anything but digital stars and glowing advertisements … all while going back and forth with J on what he had been doing, and as to why he returned to The City and chose to stay. Seriously, spill it. “It … it just wasn’t for me you know? Seems great on the surface that rainy ass city … but … it wasn’t the one … it wasn’t home.” You tellin me you got home sick towards a large drug den? Ridiculous. “I DID!!! … It’s not all bad you know, you just need to lighten up once in and while, live a little, and explore the brighter sides of this shit hole we call home.” Oh yeah? … and what is “lightening up” for you? taking some group of drugs while you’re too numb to think about the places and situations you’re in? All while hoping a car hits yah before the pain of a hangover arrives, before the high ends and you realize you aren’t having a good time or in a good place at all. “First of all! … sometimes sure … but I’m OFF that junk ok! … not going back this time either, clean as coke baby!” that analogy doesn’t even make sense, coke isn’t inherently “clean” jack ass, you should know that more than anyone else fucking idiot. And sure … clean for now … how many goddamn times have I heard that before huh? How many times have you lied TO MY FACE … this time don’t call me to pick you up from court, jail, a den or rehab … that’s on you now. “Fuck me, aren’t you especially prickly today huh? What crawled up your ass and died? M finally lock you down and beat some of that unfun “Relationship Maturity” that apparently takes place.” YOU CRAWLED UP MY ASS AND DIED!!! … YOU … Aren’t even supposed to be here! … and don’t mention her like she’s some kind of asshole like that and no she did not, we aren’t dating. “I needed some cash ok! What you want me to fucking starve out here? … Mrs.Van called and needed help ok? I’m paying my respect towards the lady that practically raised us, something you sure as shit don’t do, fucking grifter! And oh ok Haha!? So what are you then? Just fucking friendly!? Don’t try and play one over on me, milf bait, you two are certainly more than just “friends” so what the fuck is it then!?” Yeah I bet you’d suck wang and tongue sack for a dollar you fucking lowballer! And oh my god please! … “pay respect” … to her!? She sure did step in when we needed, and I’m eternally grateful to her and she knows it!, That however! ... ends with me needing to “help” her, and her fucking criminal empire, getting wrapped into something that will either get me used to be put away forever, not unlike oh you know WHAT WE ARE DOING NOW!!! … or just dropped with lead in my head over a bridge for some petty drug deal territory bullshit … It’s all just bullshit! … and just drop it, none of your damn business anyway, focus on fucking driving instead of my relationships why don’t you ... [To Be Continued]

[thatpaintedpony]

So I haven't really kept Tumblr up to date with happenings recently because well, they've sucked. Sky and I were in hot preparation for the huge dressage festival we were going to, preparing our first freestyle test, ramping up our training at novice ..

And then last Thursday I was on my way to work and I slipped over in the frost and broke my hand. I went to the ER at our local hospital and waited there till lunchtime before being sent finally to the main hospital at Canberra where I waited the rest of the day till 5pm whereupon I was finally seen by a doctor who put on a cast and recommended I come back Monday for surgery to put pins into the fracture to stabilise it.

So I went home and scratched from the festival and tried to emotionally come to terms with not riding for 6 weeks because of some stupid frost and me not paying attention to what I was doing.

Monday I went back to Canberra hospital at 7am and sat in the waiting room, fasted of course, until 1pm when they said I wouldn't get into surgery today and to come back tomorrow.

Tuesday, back to the hospital at 7am, fasting (it's an hour's drive to and from Canberra for us too) and sat there till 3pm before being told I wouldn't get into surgery and to go home.

Wednesday, back again. 7am. Fasting. Third day. By 10:30am I was finally taken to the operating theatre. I was left on the gurney to wait for another half hour outside the theatre. The doctor finally arrived. Looked at my x-rays. Inspected my hand. Decided I didn't really need surgery after all. Sent me back. I was then shuffled around between five different departments over the next three hours before I got to the physio who made a splint, told me to keep my fingers moving and to come back for rehab in 6 weeks.

So. I've had a bit of a shit week.

Downsides are - no riding. Doing anything with the horses is pretty hard one handed and I don't want to risk damaging it further so going to be fairly careful there.

No festival. Fucking sucks ass.

My hand is broken and everything is difficult.

Spent 23 hours in hospital, starving, for no reason.

Upsides are - it's winter and the weather fucking sucks so riding would be pretty miserable anyway

Festival will be much less stressful because I won't have to manage a horse and competing, I can just go and watch and volunteer

The whole hospital debacle was free because we have public health care in Australia

I only have a small splint on my hand so I can still work and have a fair degree of autonomy.

Sky was pretty sore so now I have the opportunity to give her a break and let her relax again and bring her back into work with lots of trot poles and hill work to get her back stronger again before I start to ride again.

Anyway that's about it. It's cold and miserable and my hand is broken. 🤷

[sisterspooky1013]

Only One Choice, Part 2, Chapter 17

Read it here on AO3 / Tagging @today-in-fic

“We should get champagne or something, to celebrate,” Scully says, her eyes roving over the menu.

After three weeks of rehab, Teena Mulder has finally been able to move home, though she’s under the constant care of an in-home nurse. Knowing that she’s back in her own space, no longer the medical setting that made her miserable, is a huge weight off Mulder’s shoulders. This is why they’re out to dinner, celebrating a hopeful return to what feels like normal.

“Only if you’re driving home,” Mulder replies playfully, “you know what bubbly does to me.”

She gives him a flirtatious smirk. “Yes, I do.”

“Dana?” someone calls out, and they look over to see two women. One is tall and slim with light olive-toned skin and brunette shoulder-length hair. The other is significantly shorter, Latina, with thick hips and an ample bustline, her dark hair cascading down her back.

“Monica, hi,” Scully replies warmly to the tall woman. She turns to the shorter one, “you must be Dahlia.”

“Guilty as charged,” the short woman answers jovially with a heavy Spanish accent.

“This is my boyfriend, Fox Mulder,” Scully continues, gesturing to him, “Mulder, this is Monica, I’ve told you about her.”

Mulder nods in understanding. Scully has often mentioned a woman she regularly has coffee and lunch with who works in VICAP.

“Nice to finally meet you,” Mulder says, offering his hand to Monica.

She takes his hand with a firm grip, then gestures to the short woman, “this is my partner, Dahlia.”

Mulder and Scully both greet Dahlia with handshakes.

“Well, we’ll leave you to your meal, it was nice to run into you,” Monica says.

“Would you like to join us? We haven’t even ordered yet,” Scully offers, giving Mulder a quick glance to confirm that this is okay. He nods almost imperceptibly.

“Oh, we don’t want to impose,” Monica answers.

“Not at all,” Mulder jumps in, correctly picking up that Monica is worried about imposing on him, not Scully, “I’d love to finally get to know this mysterious VICAP woman Scully is always talking about.”

Monica smiles and he moves to the chair beside Scully so she and Dahlia can occupy the other two. They order champagne and appetizers, and he finds the two women to be very pleasant company.

“So, you work in VICAP too, then?” he asks Dahlia, and she gives him a confused look.

“No, I work at a little flower shop in Alexandria,” she answers.

“Oh, sorry, I thought Monica said you were partners.”

Scully shoots him an embarrassed glare, but Dahlia laughs.

“You know, I always tell Monica she should just call me her girlfriend, but she insists on ‘partner,’” she says, looking at Monica affectionately. He can’t help but smile, realizing he’d missed the very obvious fact that they are lovers.

“Girlfriend sounds so juvenile to me,” Monica explains, “partner feels a bit more serious, and permanent.”

“It’s okay, mija,” Dahlia continues, “you can call me your partner, hasta el día en que puedas ser mi esposa.”

Monica beams at her, and while he didn’t understand a word of that, it’s plainly clear that they are very much in love.

Appetizers come and go, flutes of champagne are emptied and refilled and a second bottle is ordered. Scully brings up Monica’s education and her experiences working at the New Orleans field office, and she and Mulder carry on a conversation about the change in VooDoo practices over the course of generations while Scully and Dahlia discover that they have similar taste in literature. Dahlia is telling a story about reading a Spanish translation of Jane Eyre as a teenager and how she still, to this day, has a hard time not calling him “Señor Rochester,” when the waiter brings by the check and Mulder snatches it away just as Dahlia was reaching for it.

“My treat,” Mulder says, pulling out his wallet.

Dahlia gives Monica a look, saying “me gusta este chico,” and Mulder chuckles.

“That I understood,” he quips, and they all laugh.

Back at the apartment, they get ready for bed. Scully is standing at the sink brushing her teeth when Mulder slinks up behind her, slipping his hands onto her hips and dipping his head down to kiss her neck.

“Mmm, there’s that champagne,” she says, the words garbled around her toothbrush.

“It’s not that champagne makes me want you, Scully. I always want you. It just makes me a little more bold,” he explains, trailing his fingers down to the hem of her night shirt and lifting it enough to get a look at her panties.

She swats his hand away. “Let me finish brushing my teeth,” she chastises, and he retreats to the bedroom.

She joins him a few minutes later, slipping under the sheets and draping her bare leg over his. He lifts his arm so she can burrow against his torso, her head on his chest. He rubs his hand across her back, eliciting a contented sigh.

“So, what did you think of Monica?” she asks, her fingertips on his ribcage moving in small circles.

“I really like her, I can see why you two hit it off,” he answers.

“She reminds me a little of you, actually,” she says, and he can feel her smile against his skin. “She has some...out there ideas.”

“Am I not talking enough about cryptids at home, Scully? You had to go find a friend to supplement?” he asks playfully, dipping his fingers into her armpit briefly in a threat to tickle her.

She clamps her arms against her sides and giggles. “We don’t talk much about that, but when I first met her she told me about my aura, so I figured you two would have some things in common.”

“That sounds more like Missy’s purview,” he comments, and then they fall silent for a moment.

“I’m actually really glad we ran into her,” Scully begins, running her hand down his abdomen to rest just beneath his belly button. “There’s something I’ve been thinking about and I wasn’t sure how to bring it up without you having some context.”

“Scully, if you’re about to suggest we have a foursome with Monica and Dahlia, I’m going to owe Frohike five hundred bucks,” he interjects.

She scoffs, “in your dreams, Mulder.”

“I think you mean Melvin.”

“Well, sorry Melvin, but that’s not what I was thinking about.” Her thumb hooks just beneath the elastic of his boxers, his happy trail tickling her skin.

“Okay, sorry, what were you thinking about?”

“What if,” she begins, dragging her finger back and forth under the fabric, “Monica was your partner. On the X files.”

He puts his hand over hers to still the movement, pulling away a bit so she’ll look at him.

“What do you mean, Scully?” He feels a rush of adrenaline, though he’s not yet sure if it’s from excitement or fear.

“I mean, she’s open to...unexplainable phenomena. The two of you get along quite well, and she wouldn't try to debunk your work or scoff at your theories. You said they might let you reopen them if you had a partner you could work with, and I think Monica might be that person.”

He considers this for a moment. “Who’s to say she’d even want to, she’s assigned to VICAP-”

“She hates VICAP,” Scully interjects, “it’s a bunch of macho men trying to one-up each other. I know she’d be happy to be reassigned, and to work out of the Hoover building. She and Dahlia live in Palisades; her commute sucks.”

His mind is reeling, but he doesn’t want to get ahead of himself. “I don’t even know where we’d start, Scully. It seems so unlikely.”

“Just ask for a meeting with AD Skinner. If you think it would help for Monica to be a part of that meeting, I know she’d be happy to attend. I’ve told her a bit about The X files and I wouldn’t even bring this up with you unless I was sure she’d be interested. I can talk to her about it on Monday, if you want to give it a shot.”

He looks up at the ceiling, eyebrows stitched in thought. Hope pricks at the corners of his mind, but he knows well enough not to let it take root; he’s been disappointed too many times before. He looks over at Scully, her expression holding all the hope that he won’t allow himself to feel.

“Why are you doing this?” he asks gently.

“Because I want you to be happy,” she says earnestly, pulling her hand from beneath his and bringing it to his cheek, “from the moment I met you, I saw how you light up when you talk about The X Files. If there’s a chance you can investigate them again, I want to pursue it.”

He sighs, a tender smile tugging at his lips. He turns on his side, pushing his palms under her ass and pulling her on top of him as she giggles.

“Okay, talk to Monica,” he says, sliding his hands under her sleep shirt and up her bare back, “I’ll email Skinner on Monday.”

She smiles at him, self-satisfied and victorious.

“Now, about that champagne,” he says, pulling her down for a kiss.

———

She nervously checks her email every two minutes, aggressively clicking the send/receive button. Monica and Mulder were meeting with AD Skinner at 11:00am and it’s now almost 1:00pm and she hasn’t heard anything. That could either be a very good sign, or a very bad one. She has class in ten minutes and needs to head over to the lecture hall to prepare. She refreshes it one more time, and an email pops up.

From: fmulder@fbi.gov

Sent: September 18, 1997 12:51pm

To: dscully@fbi.gov

Subject: Maybe good news?

He didn’t say no, but he didn’t say yes, either. He asked us about 800 questions and then said he had to run it by the section chief. My impression is that he wants to make it work, but obviously it’s not totally within his control.

Fingers crossed. Hopefully we’ll know by Friday.

She heaves a big sigh, a cautious smile playing on her lips. She shoots him a quick response and then makes her way to class, praying all the way that the answer will be yes.

———

She’d taken that Friday off, for no reason in particular. Ever since Mulder had effectively moved in with her, she liked to take random weekdays off here and there just to have some time to herself. She’d spent the afternoon reading, re-arranging her spice cupboard, and making space for Mulder to have half her dresser instead of just one drawer. She’s sitting on the floor of the bedroom, surrounded by neatly folded stacks of T-shirts and pajama pants, when she hears the front door open. She checks her watch; it’s only 3:00 pm, too early for Mulder to be home.

“Hello?” she calls out nervously.

The bedroom door swings open and Mulder is there, his chest heaving and a dopey smile on his face.

“Is everything okay?” she asks, “what are you doing home?”

“It was approved,” he says breathlessly, apparently having run from wherever he parked the car.

“What was approved?” she asks, standing.

“The X Files, Scully. They’re reopened, effective Monday, with me and Reyes as the assigned agents,” he says, his smile broadening even further.

Her mouth drops open in disbelief, a surprised smile forming on her lips. She had held out hope, but she was also very aware that the chances were slim. He crosses the room, scooping her up in his arms, her legs wrapping around his hips.

“It never would have happened if it wasn’t for you,” he says, adoration in his eyes.

She kisses him, and he turns to lay her on the bed, shedding his suit jacket and tossing it on the floor. Moving quickly, desperately, he tugs at the waistband of her pants, stripping them off along with her panties, and pushes her shirt up to expose her breasts. He begins kissing her neck, down to her chest and belly, pausing intermittently to speak words of affirmation and gratitude until he reaches the apex of her thighs and is quiet.

He laps at her tenderly, humming and sighing as her body catches up and she feels the flush of desire form in her belly. She pushes her fingers into his hair, scraping gently at his scalp in encouragement as he flicks his tongue against her opening and she bucks her hips in response. His thumb swipes gently over her clit as he pushes his tongue inside her, licking at her increasingly slick walls and making her whimper. After a few minutes, he switches to his fingers inside her and his tongue at her clit. Swirling and sucking until she commands him not to stop, he holds steady as she falls apart against his lips, flexing his fingers deep inside to draw it out. Finally she taps on his head, and he crawls back up to plant soft kisses along her jaw.

“Consider us even,” she breathes out, eyes still closed in bliss.

“I think I might like to continue making it up to you,” he says with a nip to her earlobe, and she laughs.

“Okay, if you insist.”

[keyofjetwolf]

What was your first?

So a horse walks into a rehab and says “ouch”. And not a lot. Then a great deal. While also saying nothing. It’s BoJack, in rehab, and going about as well as you might think!

“The Stopped Show” may not have been much about BoJack, but “A Horse Walks Into A Rehab” makes up for it by being 99.9% BoJack, setting aside the brief appearance of the other characters to set their stages for when we get back to them. Diane’s in a shitty motel, Todd’s in a seedy alleyway, Princess Caroline has her porcupine baby, and Mr. Peanutbutter continues to deliver cheer while everything around him burns AND drowns. I’ve now touched base with them about as much as the season premier, and we’ll get busy ignoring them.

As I said, BoJack is the star today, and we continue his quest for ... what, exactly?

Trying to pin it down, that “what is BoJack looking for” question, it’s a lot harder to answer than I expected, which marks another instance of me fucking myself, GOOD JOB ME.

I initially said “punishment”, but that isn’t true, or a least, is too easy. BoJack wants accountability for his actions -- which is a very different thing than punishment -- but he wants it in a way that also absolves him from having to do any work to rise above it. So you’d think he’d love this, the constant claim in rehab that he’s powerless. It seems like the answer to everything, a blanket pass to excuse his behaviour because he’s powerless. Why doesn’t he? I’m not sure I’m entirely clicking with the heart of that, so come with me as I have a poke at it.

For one, I doubt very much rehab would begin and end with “you’re powerless, oh well”. Addiction is some nasty business, but in and of itself, it’s a symptom, not the problem. That in mind, we swing back then to BoJack having to put in the work, only now it’s with the removal of his favourite coping mechanisms.

I think what he was hoping to get out of rehab was more along the lines of “Vodka is a naughty irresistible siren who topples even the most noble of men, but if you cross your eyes and click your heels, you’ll be free from her spell forevermore.” And yeah, no.

I think we get some of that in how, for a while, rehab seems to suit BoJack.

To the point I very specifically said to Doc as I was watching this, “Oh shit, did BoJack just become even MORE insufferable?” He’s okay so long as he has the comfort of the scripts and the regimented plant therapy and the same hike every day. When he starts to get fucked is when he has push further, when he has to work harder, when the treatment demands MORE.

“I notice you tend to deflect when I ask you about the source of your addiction,” his therapist says, causing BoJack to immediately deflect, first with a joke and then, when that doesn’t work, attacking the entire system. Getting to the root of his problem is the last thing BoJack wants, to the point where the entire episode ITSELF is one giant deflection. I made a joke in passing up there about our passing moments with each of the other main characters, but that’s actually it, that’s the heart of this episode.

Each of these are efforts by the episode to deflect what’s going on NOW, tempting us with something shiny and interesting, if only we’d take the bait. I ONLY JUST MADE THIS CONNECTION WELL FUCKING DONE SHOW

And of course, there’s Jameson’s story, which is part deflection, part contrast. She’s intended to appear at first like someone BoJack can relate to, a Sara Lynn Pt. 2 that he wants to save and in whom he sees so much of himself. In equal parts, he’s the adult trying to guide her and the force enabling her, and I’d have to do a bit more thinking on whether I thought his success with her was about him walking both sides of that line, or Jameson just, at the end of the day, being lucky. Either way, it’s also not really about her, so much as BoJack talking a really good game at her, while giving her all the tools to make the worst choices.

Which is, I think, where the episode finally settles. BoJack’s choices have been his own, but they aren’t made in isolation. Throughout this episode, we get moments, presented in reverse chronological order, that could on their own answer that key question: When was the first time you drank?

To settle your nerves to get through a scene everyone was counting on you to nail?

To fit in with the cool kids at high school?

To win your father’s approval?

What’s brilliant to me about each of these flashbacks is that the further into the past we go, the more willing we are to absolve BoJack. In the first, he’s a professional actor required to kiss an attractive and consenting fellow professional in the course of a performance. Nervous? Makes total sense. Getting plastered to do it? LESS SENSE.

The high school one is the most damning, which I adore. BoJack’s the butt of some light bullying by the jock, and I don’t mean to completely dismiss that it sucks, but the remainder of events before he starts in on the beers shows he’s hardly an absolute social pariah. And even if he were, once he begins to drink, BoJack doesn’t just become the life of the party, he becomes cruel (demonstrating quite well that jokes aren’t his only tool of deflection). Worse, that he KNOWS he’s doing it, but cares more about his positive attention than their negative. Still, BoJack’s a kid and peer pressure is a hell of a thing. This isn’t a good look, but it’s also not damning, if he’d come to learn from it. 

Now we jump the line to, I’d guess, ten or eleven year old BoJack, who walks in on his father having an affair with his secretary, but too young to recognize what he’s seen. Butterscotch can’t take the risk though, so he effortlessly manipulates little BoJack into getting drunk and passing out, then uses BoJack’s shame about it to keep him quiet on the whole evening. UNDER THE GUISE OF BEING HIS FRIEND AND DOING HIM A FAVOUR BY THE WAY. No question, Butterscotch is a son of a bitch, and the only thing BoJack did wrong here was crave his parent’s love.

Even with the high school one being a little more grey, they’re all pretty cut and dry. Remember that we’re following the thread of “When was the first time you drank?” and to land on the answer “When my unrepentantly dickish father lied to me to save his own ass” puts a pretty solid punctuation mark on the whole affair. Addiction may not be at fault, but Butterscotch Horseman is. Case closed, we can go home.

BUT WAIT WHAT’S THIS

Right at the end, when you think we’re done, there’s one more flashback. A party of some sort, possibly New Year’s. The house sounds empty, there’s only the looping of the record player, stuck repeating the same five seconds again and again and again. Butterscotch and Beatrice are passed out drunk, judging from the empty bottles around them. Was it a good party? A bad one? She has her back to him and they’re about as far apart as they could get while still remaining in the room, but also, nothing’s broken? It’s impossible to know.

What we do know is that BoJack, aged about where we saw him in the “Free Churro” flashback so maybe seven or so? Very young, at any rate, and he’s alone. There doesn’t appear to be anything in the room for a child, so it’s probably fair to say he wasn’t included in the festivities. Did he have something to do instead? His own party maybe? Friends to play with, someone to watch him? Did he even get dinner? From what we’ve seen, “no” is a much more likely answer to any or all of these.

AND NOW THE FIRST TO PUNCH YOU IN THE HEART

Tiny BoJack knocks back several gulps of vodka (like a fucking pro, may I add), then crawls onto the couch next to his unconscious mother, pretending for just a few minutes that she’s cuddling him until he, too, will fall into a drunken slumber.

RIGHT SO WHAT THE FUCK DO WE DO WITH THIS JESUS WEPT

Had you told me “Just wait, seven year old flashback BoJack is going to muddy the hell out of this” I wouldn’t have ... okay, well, I know the show, so I probably would’ve believed you, but I would’ve been preemptively grumpy.

This isn’t his fault! But it is! This isn’t his parent’s fault, but it super super is! Nobody MADE BoJack drink the vodka, as the scene goes to great lengths to show. There is nobody to tell him to do anything at all. Beatrice is three fucking sheets to the wind, she has no idea he’s there and he could have pretend cuddled all night AND stayed sober. Did baby BoJack, like adult BoJack, take the drink to calm his nerves for an expression of physical intimacy? Would baby BoJack have even known that was an option? Remember, this is framed as the answer to the question “When was the first time you drank?” Not “took a drink”, but “you DRANK”, the phrasing of which I think is important. It’s all about the root of the problem. What I get out of that question is then is “the first time you drank to numb yourself”.

Baby BoJack is looking at this disaster, this mess that is his every day no matter how many party hats and streamers you stick on it, and he wants anything else at all. So he turns to the easiest thing he knows will take it away the fastest. The situation isn’t his fault. The opportunity isn’t his fault. But the response IS, in a way that EVEN AS I SAY IT, makes me feel shitty.

CONGRATS BOJACK HORSEMAN FOR MAKING ME SEE A LITERAL CHILD SLAMMING BACK VODKA STRAIGHT FROM THE BOTTLE AND MAKING ME GO “okay, but”.

SEASON SIX SHOULD BE A WALK IN THE PARK

[augiewrites]

“sober” - klaus hargreeves

summary: klaus sees y/n for the first time after rehab

pairing: klaus x gender neutral reader

word count: 890+

warnings: drugs, alcohol, general angst

idk how i feel about this one, but i hope you enjoy xoxo

Y/N was thinking about Klaus, just as they always did when their mind was allotted a quiet moment. It seemed like everywhere they looked there was something to remind them of him: the Halloween decorations slowly being spread across the city, one of Allison’s movies playing on every other channel, Vanya’s book release, and now, Diego "dropping by” their job to see how they’re doing.

They assured the leather-clad Hargreeves sibling that they were doing just fine and, yes, they know to call if they’re ever in trouble and no, they weren’t overworking themselves to make up for the sudden abundance of free time. Not feeling much like talking, Y/N gave Diego a coffee on the house and ushered him out the cafe’s door, supplying him with a half-hearted excuse that the lunch rush was coming soon.

It wasn’t technically a lie, as the clock struck 12:15 and customers started lining the counter. Usually, Y/N was able to take their mind off Klaus when they were focusing on their work, but now, as they rushed around making drinks and putting pastries in boxes, they couldn’t stop thinking about the last time they saw the man they fell in love with.

~~~

Klaus was looking up at Y/N with glossy eyes like they were the light at the end of the tunnel. Y/N looked down at Klaus with sadness rapidly consuming them. He was nearing one year of sobriety, the longest he had gone in a long time, but, as usual, something broke him and sent him straight back to the bottle. Thankfully, he wasn’t using the booze to wash down pills like he usually did. That didn’t make it any easier for Y/N to see Klaus laying on their kitchen floor, so whiskey-logged that he couldn’t stand any more.

“I’m sorry....I’m sorry,” he kept murmuring, curling in on himself.

Y/N couldn’t bring themselves to speak, instead opting to help Klaus half-stand and drag him to the couch. They set a glass of water and some tylenol on the coffee table in front of him, giving him one last glance before retreating to their bedroom. 

After a night of restless sleep, Y/N woke up to a Klaus-less couch and a note stuck to their refrigerator.

“I’m sorry. xo Klaus”

~~~

That was almost five months ago.

Y/N was so deep in their memories that they didn’t immediately notice the hot coffee overflowing the mug onto their hand.

“Oh my god,” they gasped, dropping the mug in the sink and quickly turning on the cold water.

“Are you okay?” Their manager, Laura, came around the counter, gingerly taking Y/N’s hand and inspecting the blotchy red spot and then the clock hanging on the wall, “your shift’s just about up, why don’t you wrap this up and head home. There’s some burn ointment and gauze in my office.”

Y/N just nodded and walked to the back of the cafe, slowly opening up the first aid kit and wrapping up the tender skin. They promised themselves that they would be done crying over Klaus, but after today that promise was getting harder and harder to keep.

They let themselves shed a few tears on the walk back to their apartment, not even bothering to wipe them away as they waited in line to get ice cream from the corner vendor and sat on a bench to wallow for a bit. Once the ice cream was gone, Y/N sat there for a moment just staring down at the empty paper cup, dreading going back to their apartment and being alone with their thoughts.

With a sigh, Y/N pushed themselves off the bench and walked the final block to their building. They went to make their way up the steps, but came to halt, almost tripping, when they saw the familiar lanky figure sitting on the stoop.

Hearing the scuffle, Klaus’s head shot up and Y/N found themselves lost in his eyes, which were much more clear than the last time they saw him.

“W-what are you doing here?” Y/N immediately regretted the question as Klaus looked back down at his feet, uncharacteristically shy.

After faltering for a moment, Klaus stood and took a step closer to Y/N.

“I missed you,” he breathed out, “I, um, had close call. Went back to rehab, had another close call, and, heh, went back to rehab again.”

“I was worried about you, you know,” Y/N sighed, “you can’t just leave with nothing but a half-assed note.”

“I know, I’m sor-”

“If you say you’re sorry one more time, I’m gonna beat you up,” Y/N grinned, running their hand down Klaus’s scruffy cheek.

“Oh, you wouldn’t,” Klaus scoffed, wrapping his arms around Y/N and mumbling in their ear, “because you know I’d like it too much.”

Y/N choked out a laugh as Klaus pulled away and wiped away a stray tear running down Y/N’s cheek. 

“Can I come in?”

“Only if you actually tell me if you’re leaving, asshole,” they said teasingly, “I didn’t know if you were dead or not.”

“Of course, I’ll be sure to make the grandest exit next time,” Klaus emphasized grandest by leaning back and waving his hands in the air. Before Y/N could respond they were being pulled back into his chest, but Y/N would happily never speak again if it meant they got to stay in his warm embrace.

~~~

i know this ending SUCKS but thank you for making it this far <3

[cozykozume]

Iwaizumi Hajime (27), The Athletic Trainer (NSFW)

!Iwaizumi x !reader NSFW

Hajime Iwaizumi (27) Athletic Trainer x Y/n (21ish) College student/College soccer player

As a college soccer player with constant knee issues, you had become very friendly with Iwaizumi. After your latest injury, you two became extra friendly. 

Warnings: Semi-public (storage closet), creampie, lots of teasing, bit of a slow burn, but also shameless smut.

Word count: 3015

I did try to edit some, but if its bad just let me know! 

You knew you shouldn’t be doing this...but there was something about being in situations like this that just got you going.

It was after soccer practice and as always, you went to the athletic room to grab some ice for your knee. ACL reconstruction a few years prior meant you spent a lot of time with the trainers, whether it be tending to your old injury or taking steps to prevent another one.

You limped into the athletics room, tee shirt slung over your shoulder as you had used it to wipe the sweat that was coating your body. Both legs wrapped up with pre-wrap under the constricting knee braces.

Iwaizumi was sitting at his desk in the back, glasses on while he reads (what you assume are) emails. You let the door slam behind you before limping over to an exam table, hopping up and scooting back until both legs are straight in front of you.

“Iwa...my knees hurrrrt todaaaay.” You whine, flopping back on the table. You ball your shirt up and put it behind your head, getting comfortable as you hear Iwaizumi huff from behind you.

“Well, maybe if you actually stretched like you were supposed to, and iced regularly after practice and games, they wouldn’t hurt so bad.” He says, dropping his glasses on his keyboard as he stands and makes his way over to you.

He takes one look at the dirt and grass stains marking your knee braces and shorts, shaking his head. “Or maybe if you could stay on your feet instead of insisting on playing on your knees..”he trails off, giving you a dirty look.

You smirk as you look up at him, “oh? I thought you would appreciate me so much more on my knees and than my knee Iwa. My bad...” you giggle, teasing him as the tips of his ears begin to glow a soft shade of pink.

“Well y/n, not sure what gave you that idea...” “Oh come on Iwa, it’s not like you’re a professor or anything. No need to be so stiff with me.” You tease again, wiggling your toes as he picks up one of your legs.

He shakes his head, trying to wipe the smirk off his face as he slowly tugs down the knee braces from each leg. You wince several times, closing your eyes and taking deep breaths.

“Y/n...these look pretty bad today. When was the last time you took a break?”

You shrug, keeping your eyes closed as you knew his face would be angry if you met his eyes.

“Y/n I’m being serious. Don’t you think you’ve done enough damage as it is? You’re already had surgery on your ACL and at this rate you’ll be getting 2 full knee replacements by the time you’re 30.” He rolls his eyes, knowing you are hearing what he is saying, but ignoring his warnings.

“Okay fine. Want to ignore me? You’re out of practice for the rest of this week. You report here during practice for some physical rehab and actual resting.”

Your eyes spring open as you sit straight up, “Iwaizumi! You can’t do that! We’re getting way too close to our qualifying games for me to be sitting out of practice for an entire week!” You say, trying to calm the panic in your chest and stomach.

“No y/n. This is the best time for it. Because I know the type of person you are, and you’re going to keep pushing yourself too hard. If you keep going like this, you’ll end up hurt during one of those games. You remind me of my best friend...you even get on my nerves just like him…” He says, a small smirk on his face as he turns away from you, grabbing an ice pack and ace bandage wrap.

You flop back down onto the table, going over your schedule in your head. “You know this is bullshit right?..” You say quietly, having no argument back to what he was saying. You lay the backs of your hands over your eyes, knowing the tears were going to start escaping, but also knowing that it was a stupid reason to cry.

You feel Iwaizumi’s warm hand pushing some stray hair behind your ear as he leans down closer to you.

“I know it seems bad now, but I really am just looking out for you...I don’t want you to get hurt so bad that you can’t keep playing..”

You take a deep breath, wiping away the few tears that did manage to escape before giving him a small smile.

“Yes I know that. I’m literally your favorite athlete here, and I’m pretty sure you’d quit if I wasn’t playing anymore.” You say, teasing him slightly as he wraps an ice pack around each knee.

“You keep things interesting around here for sure.” He says as he lightly slaps your thigh. “Now get up and get out. I’ll see you here at 2, and I’ll let your coach know you are out of practice for the rest of the week. I better not even see you near the field.”

You roll your eyes, biting your lip as you lower yourself onto the ground again. You feel, as well as hear your knees and ankles pop in protest. You slip on your sandals and grab your bag, refusing to make eye contact again, because you already knew what he was going to say.

“Yeah yeah yeah. You give orders and I obey them. Seems like a shitty deal for me, but whatever I guess.”

--------

You show up a little after 2pm wearing shorts and your Karasuno sweatshirt from high school. It was your favorite as it was oversized, overly worn out and absolutely perfect. Iwaizumi is working with a player from the men’s volleyball team as you sit down in one of the chairs on the opposite side of the room.

Your eyes dance over the mysterious volleyball player's body as you settle in. You notice how big his hands are and how some fingers seem to be taped together. It didn’t make sense to you but god did you want to suck on his fingers. They just looked so big and thick. As your eyes continue to travel, they somehow wind up on Iwaizumi.

His hands were actually pretty big too now that you really looked at them...And he was pretty muscular. Did he work out? I mean, he probably did right? He was an athletic trainer, so like, he also trains. Right? His legs...fuck. His thighs were looking so thick today. Had they always looked like that? Was he wearing shorts like that yesterday too?

Your eyes fall down to his eyes before slowly crawling back up and pausing. Mmm if he’s that big and thick everywhere else….I wonder if he’s also big and thick right there too..

You wet your lips with the tip of your tongue, completely lost in your thoughts as you stare at Iwaizumi's presumably large clothed cock. You smirk to yourself, laughing to yourself as your mind spirals out of control.  

“Y/n. You having fun over there?” He says just a bit too loudly, pulling you from your rated-R thoughts and causing you to gasp just as loud. You cover your face with your hands, trying to hide the reddish pink that is surely painting your cheeks by now.

“What the actual fuck Iwa. Did you have to fucking yell?” You say between your fingers, begging your heart rate to return to normal.

He chuckles as he walks over to you, crouching down in front of you and placing his large hands over your knees. You look down to see that they completely cover your knees and his fingers come up a considerable amount onto your thighs. You finally look up at him and meet his eyes. You can see the playfulness, and perhaps a hint of something else hidden in there.

“Well it seemed like you were a bit distracted by...something. And you also were staring pretty hard. So I just wanted to make sure you heard me. Duh.”

You grab his chin and pull him a little closer, tilting your head in the process.

“Oh? I was staring? And what exactly was I staring at...Iwa-chan?”

He looks down at your lips, slowly licking his before dragging his eyes up and catching yours. He moves a little closer, putting almost no space between the two of you, your noses brushing against each other.

His voice drops down, barely above a whisper, “You’re playing a dangerous game little girl...don’t bite off more than you can chew…”

You try to hide the nervousness you were feeling as you tilt your head, ghosting your lips over his, “Mmm it’s okay if you can’t keep up old ma-...” Before you finish your sentence, Iwaizumi closes the small distance between your lips. One hand leaves your knee, quickly grabbing onto the base of your neck before snaking up into your hair. His hand feels so much bigger as it spans the back of your head, finally moving to grab onto your ponytail.

His lips feel hot and fast against yours, quickly finding your tongues twisting and toying with each other. Your small hands cup the sides of his face, pulling him closer as he takes your bottom lip between his teeth. A breathless sound leaves you as his hand tightens around your hair and he softly pulls back on your lip.

He pulls your head back by your ponytail, standing up and towering over you. “I’m serious y/n. This is your last chance to leave. We can go back to how we were, flirty and fun…” He trails off as you softly shake your head. He pulls your head back further, looking down at you intensely, “Then say it. Tell me exactly what you want.” You feel as your cheeks burn as a tingle shoots down between your legs. You squeeze your legs together, looking up at him suddenly embarrassed.

“I want you to fuck me Hajime..” You say, your voice barely above a whisper.

His hands slide down and around your waist. “Wrap your arms and legs around me.” You cling to him as he easily hoists you up, his big hands moving to palm at your ass. Your fingers toy with the hair on the back of his neck as your lips start working their way up and down his neck.

As Iwaizumi pulls the door open to a storage closet, you sink your teeth into his soft flesh, giggling softly when you hear the deep groan from his chest. He steps inside and pulls the door shut behind him. The room is tiny, consisting of a small table along one wall and shelves lining the other. Iwaizumi sets you down on the table as he reaches around, looking for the string to the overhead light.

You took this opportunity to sneak your hands under his shirt, lightly dancing your fingers up. You smile when you feel his breath hitch as your fingertips graze his nipple. “Mmm is someone a little excited?” You say as the light cuts on, temporarily blinding you. You feel Iwaizumi immediately reach for your shorts, hooking his fingers over the edge and tugging them down with your panties following shortly after. “God someone needs to teach you a lesson...So sassy all the time..” He whispers against your ear as he slots himself between your legs. He uses the tips of his fingers to tease the insides of your thighs, inching closer and closer to the growing wetness. Your teeth find your bottom lip, biting into his thick fingers move from teasing, to slowly pushing into your soaking cunt.

The slight burn as the 2 digits move further into you causes you to moan softly, opening your legs wider at your fists ball into his shirt. He slowly pumps his fingers into you, stretching and scissoring you as soft moans begin falling from your lips. His other hand leaves your side, 2 fingers going directly into your mouth. Before Iwaizumi even has a chance to say anything, you begin sucking, your tongue twisting and flicking the tips of his fingers.

His eyes flutter shut before quickly springing back open, alternating between watching his fingers disappear into your mouth and watching his fingers get sucked into your greedly little hole.

You let go of his shirt, grabbing at the waistband of his shorts and boxers. You hook your fingers into them, pushing them down just fair enough for his cock to pop out. It stood straight out, precum already starting to collect at the tip again.

“Touch it…” You bite your lip, holding back a whimper as your hand wraps around him. He feels heavy as you start to slowly move your hand up and down his length, amazed at how hard it was for your fingers to full wrap around it. His head drops onto your shoulder, one hand speeding up his thumbs moves to toy with your clit. He uses his other hand to steady himself against the table, his quiet moans and breathy sighs tickling your ear.

You begin to work your hand quicker, spreading your legs wider as you feel yourself getting closer to cumming. A louder cry erupts from you as his thumb pushes harder against your throbbing clit. He grunts, slowly his hand inside you. “No no princess...You have to be quiet. You don’t want someone to hear, especially if they happen to stop by the training room.”

You whine, looking up at him annoyed that you were so close and he had the audacity to stop.

“Why didn’t you lock the door dumbass.” You huff, his lips finding your neck and fingers slowly starting to pump into you again.

“Mmm I can’t lock the training doors while there are practices going on…” He says, wrapping his arm around your waist and pulling you to the edge of the table. You wrap your legs around him lazily, using the sleeve of your sweatshirt to wipe your face before pulling it over your head. You drop it onto the table next to you, your eyes finally zeroing in on his sex. The way his big hand sluggishly strokes up and down while lining himself up to your dripping pussy.

You lean back on your elbows, propping yourself up to watch where you two will soon be connected. “Fuck! Can you please hurry up..” You whine, wiggling your hips down, causing his tips to rub into your slick.

Iwaizumi plants one hand by your elbow, the other moving to sprawl out over the lower middle of your back. In this position, you were able to reach up, lacing your fingers into his hair and attach your lips onto his neck.

A shiver ran through his body before you felt him pushing into you, filling you to the brim..plus some. You bit into his shoulder, trying to hold in the loud groan as your walls continued to flutter around him. His head falls into your neck as your head falls back, trying to catch your breath as he gives you time to adjust.

He slowly pulls his hips back until just the tip sits inside you, before pushing himself back in. Once again, when he bottoms out his head falls into your neck.

“Fuck Princess you are so fucking tight...And you’re taking me so well..”

Your entire body shivers just hearing those words, already beginning to crave more of him.

As if reading your thoughts, Iwaizumi starts a slow but deep thrust, your plushy walls begging him to move faster. You wrap your legs around his waist, gripping his hair tighter as you bring your lips to his ear.

“I need more...I need it harder..” You beg. He takes no time to answer as his hips move from leisurely movements to a punishing pace. Your head falls back as moans fall out of you, no longer caring about how loud they are. Iwaizumi lets his head fall against your chest, now using both hands to hold your waist as he fucks into you. Gruff grunts and groans spur you on even further, having never imagined that he could make sounds like that.

You felt your slick dripping onto the table and insides of your thighs. You tighten your legs around his waist as small explosions go off around your body. Loud cries rip from your lungs as your pussy flutters and calms down around him continuously. “Hajime!” You shriek as he picks his pace up, lifting your bottom half and moving you to meet his hips. His eyes are glued to where his fat cock drives into you over and over again. His grunts and groans turn into deep gruff moans before he bites his bottom lip, closing his eyes and tilting his head back.

You feel the first spurt of cum splash inside you before the second and third completely fill you. You watch his face, the way the corners of his lips turn up slightly as he drives his hips into you harder. He slowly sets your bottom back on the table, stepping closer and pushing his softening cock deeper inside you.

He licks his lips quickly, his hand softly grabbing your chin. “Hmm how about we stay like this for a minute...Go for a round 2...Treat your knee and then maybe go grab something to eat or something…?” He says quietly, his cheeks painting themselves a soft pink. You smile, tightening your legs around him as you lean up, giving him a soft peck on the lips.

“Oh wow. Is the famous Iwaizumi asking lil ol’me on a date?” You say, slowly moving your hips back and forth against him. “I mean, this pussy IS to die for, right?” You tease, giggling as he rolls his eyes, his hands taking hold of your hips and starting a slow shallow thrust inside you.

[backslashdelta]

Glee Soundtrack Rating Project Results: xmeggiemoox

@xmeggiemoox

Favourite character: Kurt Hummel

Least favourite character: Blaine Anderson

Favourite season: Season 1

Least favourite season: Season 5

Mean song rating: 6.71

Mean song rating for favourite character's songs: 8.23

Mean song rating for favourite character's solos: 8.5

Mean song rating season 1: 6.72

Mean song rating season 2: 7.14

Mean song rating season 3: 6.93

Mean song rating season 4: 6.06

Mean song rating season 5: 6.44

Mean song rating season 6: 7.07

Songs rated: 702

[ID: A bar chart titled Number of songs assigned each rating by Meganmagicalarts , illustrating the number of times each score was assigned to a song by Meganmagicalarts . 10 was assigned 70 times, 9 was assigned 116 times, 8 was assigned 122 times, 7 was assigned 98 times, 6 was assigned 71 times, 5 was assigned 96 times, 4 was assigned 56 times, 3 was assigned 37 times, 2 was assigned 25 times, 1 was assigned 11 times, and 0 songs were not rated.]

About the Project | Results Masterpost

Ranking:

1. (10) - S1x01 - Don't Stop Believing (Pilot)

2. (10) - S1x01 - I Kissed a Girl

3. (10) - S1x07 - Keep Holding On

4. (10) - S1x09 - Defying Gravity

5. (10) - S1x10 - (You're Having My Baby)

6. (10) - S1x12 - Jump

7. (10) - S1x13 - And I Am Telling You I'm Not Going

8. (10) - S1x13 - Don't Rain on My Parade

9. (10) - S1x13 - My Life Would Suck Without You

10. (10) - S1x15 - 4 Minutes

11. (10) - S1x15 - Like a Prayer

12. (10) - S1x16 - Beautiful

13. (10) - S1x17 - Run Joey Run

14. (10) - S1x18 - Rose's Turn

15. (10) - S1x20 - Bad Romance

16. (10) - S1x22 - Bohemian Rhapsody

17. (10) - S1x22 - Don't Stop Believing (Regionals)

18. (10) - S1x22 - Any Way You Want It/Lovin' Touchin' Squeezin'

19. (10) - S2x03 - I Want to Hold Your Hand

20. (10) - S2x04 - Lucky

21. (10) - S2x05 - Time Warp

22. (10) - S2x07 - Singing In the Rain/Umbrella

23. (10) - S2x09 - Dog Days Are Over

24. (10) - S2x13 - I Know What Boys Like

25. (10) - S2x14 - Blame It (On the Alcohol)

26. (10) - S2x14 - My Headband

27. (10) - S2x16 - Blackbird

28. (10) - S2x18 - Somewhere Only We Know

29. (10) - S2x18 - As If We Never Said Goodbye

30. (10) - S2x18 - I Feel Pretty/Unpretty

31. (10) - S2x19 - Nice to Meet You, Have I Slept with You?

32. (10) - S2x20 - Isn't She Lovely

33. (10) - S2x22 - My Cup

34. (10) - S2x22 - Pretending

35. (10) - S3x01 - Big Spender

36. (10) - S3x02 - I'm the Greatest Star

37. (10) - S3x06 - Rumour Has It/Someone Like You

38. (10) - S3x07 - Perfect

39. (10) - S3x08 - We Are Young

40. (10) - S3x08 - ABC

41. (10) - S3x09 - All I Want for Christmas Is You

42. (10) - S3x09 - Do They Know It's Christmas?

43. (10) - S3x10 - Summer Nights

44. (10) - S3x13 - Love Shack

45. (10) - S3x17 - My Love Is Your Love

46. (10) - S3x17 - How Will I Know

47. (10) - S3x18 - Not the Boy Next Door

48. (10) - S3x18 - Shake It Out

49. (10) - S3x21 - Paradise By the Dashboard Light

50. (10) - S3x21 - It's All Coming Back to Me Now

51. (10) - S4x04 - The Scientist

52. (10) - S4x08 - Home/Homeward Bound

53. (10) - S4x09 - Being Alive

54. (10) - S5x03 - Seasons of Love

55. (10) - S5x03 - Make You Feel My Love

56. (10) - S5x03 - If I Die Young

57. (10) - S5x05 - If I Were a Boy

58. (10) - S5x08 - Here Comes Santa Claus (Down Santa Claus Lane)

59. (10) - S5x15 - I'm Still Here

60. (10) - S5x15 - Colorblind

61. (10) - S5x19 - Take Me Home Tonight

62. (10) - S6x02 - Home

63. (10) - S6x03 - You Learn/You've Got a Friend

64. (10) - S6x07 - Somebody Loves You

65. (10) - S6x07 - I Know Where I've Been

66. (10) - S6x11 - We Built This City

67. (10) - S6x11 - Take Me to Church

68. (10) - S6x12 - Don't Stop Believing (Pilot/2009)

69. (10) - S6x13 - I Lived

70. (10) - S6x13 - This Time

71. (9) - S1x01 - On My Own

72. (9) - S1x01 - Rehab

73. (9) - S1x03 - Bust Your Windows

74. (9) - S1x05 - Somebody to Love

75. (9) - S1x06 - It's My Life/Confessions Part II

76. (9) - S1x07 - Hate On Me

77. (9) - S1x09 - Proud Mary

78. (9) - S1x14 - Gives You Hell

79. (9) - S1x15 - Like a Virgin

80. (9) - S1x15 - Borderline/Open Your Heart

81. (9) - S1x16 - A House Is Not a Home

82. (9) - S1x18 - Jessie's Girl

83. (9) - S1x18 - The Boy Is Mine

84. (9) - S1x19 - Dream a Little Dream

85. (9) - S1x21 - Give Up the Funk

86. (9) - S1x22 - To Sir, With Love

87. (9) - S1x22 - Faithfully

88. (9) - S2x02 - I'm a Slave 4 U

89. (9) - S2x02 - Me Against the Music

90. (9) - S2x03 - Losing My Religion

91. (9) - S2x03 - One of Us

92. (9) - S2x04 - Le Jazz Hot

93. (9) - S2x04 - River Deep, Mountain High

94. (9) - S2x04 - Don't Go Breaking My Heart

95. (9) - S2x05 - Damn It, Janet

96. (9) - S2x08 - Just the Way You Are

97. (9) - S2x08 - Marry You

98. (9) - S2x09 - Valerie

99. (9) - S2x10 - Baby, It's Cold Outside

100. (9) - S2x10 - We Need a Little Christmas

101. (9) - S2x10 - The Most Wonderful Day of the Year

102. (9) - S2x11 - Thriller/Heads Will Roll

103. (9) - S2x13 - Sing

104. (9) - S2x14 - Tik Tok

105. (9) - S2x15 - Landslide

106. (9) - S2x16 - Misery

107. (9) - S2x16 - Hell to the No

108. (9) - S2x18 - I've Gotta Be Me

109. (9) - S2x18 - Born This Way

110. (9) - S2x20 - Rolling in the Deep

111. (9) - S2x21 - Pure Imagination

112. (9) - S2x22 - I Love New York/New York, New York

113. (9) - S2x22 - For Good

114. (9) - S2x22 - Light Up the World

115. (9) - S3x01 - Ding-Dong! The Witch Is Dead

116. (9) - S3x01 - You Can't Stop the Beat

117. (9) - S3x03 - Cool

118. (9) - S3x04 - Candyman

119. (9) - S3x05 - Uptown Girl

120. (9) - S3x08 - Survivor/I Will Survive

121. (9) - S3x09 - Santa Claus Is Coming to Town

122. (9) - S3x09 - My Favorite Things

123. (9) - S3x10 - We Found Love

124. (9) - S3x11 - Bad

125. (9) - S3x11 - Human Nature

126. (9) - S3x11 - Smooth Criminal

127. (9) - S3x11 - I Want You Back

128. (9) - S3x13 - I Will Always Love You

129. (9) - S3x14 - Here's to Us

130. (9) - S3x14 - Stronger (What Doesn't Kill You)

131. (9) - S3x14 - Glad You Came

132. (9) - S3x15 - Somebody That I Used to Know

133. (9) - S3x17 - I Have Nothing

134. (9) - S3x17 - I Wanna Dance With Somebody (Who Loves Me)

135. (9) - S3x19 - Love You Like a Love Song

136. (9) - S3x21 - Tongue Tied

137. (9) - S3x21 - We Are the Champions

138. (9) - S3x22 - Roots Before Branches

139. (9) - S4x01 - Americano/Dance Again

140. (9) - S4x02 - Hold It Against Me

141. (9) - S4x02 - 3

142. (9) - S4x04 - Mine

143. (9) - S4x08 - Come See About Me

144. (9) - S4x08 - Live While We're Young

145. (9) - S4x10 - White Christmas

146. (9) - S4x12 - Love Song

147. (9) - S4x13 - Bring Him Home

148. (9) - S4x14 - Getting Married Today

149. (9) - S4x15 - Footloose

150. (9) - S4x16 - Cold Hearted

151. (9) - S4x20 - At the Ballet

152. (9) - S5x01 - Got to Get You Into My Life

153. (9) - S5x03 - I'll Stand By You

154. (9) - S5x06 - Just the Way You Are

155. (9) - S5x07 - Into the Groove

156. (9) - S5x09 - Whenever I Call You Friend

157. (9) - S5x09 - I Believe in a Thing Called Love

158. (9) - S5x09 - Don't Rain On My Parade

159. (9) - S5x09 - Brave

160. (9) - S5x11 - America

161. (9) - S5x11 - I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For

162. (9) - S5x11 - Mr. Roboto/Counting Stars

163. (9) - S5x12 - Raise Your Glass

164. (9) - S5x12 - Defying Gravity

165. (9) - S5x12 - Toxic

166. (9) - S5x12 - Valerie

167. (9) - S5x13 - I Am Changing

168. (9) - S5x13 - Don't Stop Believin' (Season Five)

169. (9) - S5x14 - Rockstar

170. (9) - S5x16 - Love Is a Battlefield

171. (9) - S5x16 - Let's Wait Awhile

172. (9) - S5x17 - Pumpin Blood

173. (9) - S5x19 - Lucky Star

174. (9) - S5x20 - Pompeii

175. (9) - S6x02 - Tightrope

176. (9) - S6x02 - Take On Me

177. (9) - S6x03 - It's Too Late

178. (9) - S6x03 - Hand in My Pocket/I Feel the Earth Move

179. (9) - S6x04 - Thousand Miles

180. (9) - S6x10 - Rather Be

181. (9) - S6x10 - Rise

182. (9) - S6x11 - Chandelier

183. (9) - S6x11 - Come Sail Away

184. (9) - S6x11 - Listen to Your Heart

185. (9) - S6x12 - Popular

186. (9) - S6x13 - Daydream Believer

187. (8) - S1x01 - Sit Down You're Rockin the Boat

188. (8) - S1x01 - Mr. Cellophane

189. (8) - S1x02 - Take a Bow

190. (8) - S1x04 - Taking Chances

191. (8) - S1x06 - Halo/Walking On Sunshine

192. (8) - S1x07 - Ride Wit Me

193. (8) - S1x09 - Dancing With Myself

194. (8) - S1x10 - Lean On Me

195. (8) - S1x14 - Highway to Hell

196. (8) - S1x14 - Hello Twelve, Hello Thirteen, Hello Love

197. (8) - S1x15 - What It Feels Like for a Girl

198. (8) - S1x15 - Burning Up

199. (8) - S1x17 - U Can't Touch This

200. (8) - S1x19 - Dream On

201. (8) - S1x22 - Over the Rainbow

202. (8) - S2x01 - Telephone

203. (8) - S2x01 - Billionaire

204. (8) - S2x01 - Listen

205. (8) - S2x02 - Stronger

206. (8) - S2x02 - Toxic

207. (8) - S2x03 - I Look to You

208. (8) - S2x03 - Bridge Over Troubled Water

209. (8) - S2x04 - Happy Days Are Here Again/Get Happy

210. (8) - S2x05 - Whatever Happened to Saturday Night?

211. (8) - S2x05 - Touch a Touch a Touch a Touch Me

212. (8) - S2x06 - Teenage Dream

213. (8) - S2x06 - Stop! In the Name of Love/Free Your Mind

214. (8) - S2x06 - One Love (People Get Ready)

215. (8) - S2x09 - Hey, Soul Sister

216. (8) - S2x09 - (I've Had) The Time of My Life

217. (8) - S2x12 - Silly Love Songs

218. (8) - S2x13 - Somebody to Love

219. (8) - S2x13 - Baby

220. (8) - S2x13 - This Little Light of Mine

221. (8) - S2x15 - Animal

222. (8) - S2x16 - Big Ass Heart

223. (8) - S2x17 - Ain't No Way

224. (8) - S2x19 - Songbird

225. (8) - S2x20 - Friday

226. (8) - S2x21 - Back to Black

227. (8) - S2x22 - Still Got Tonight

228. (8) - S3x03 - It's All Over

229. (8) - S3x04 - Last Friday Night

230. (8) - S3x04 - Take Care of Yourself

231. (8) - S3x06 - Hit Me with Your Best Shot/One Way or Another

232. (8) - S3x07 - Constant Craving

233. (8) - S3x08 - Man in the Mirror

234. (8) - S3x09 - Let It Snow

235. (8) - S3x09 - Extraordinary Merry Christmas

236. (8) - S3x10 - Moves Like Jagger/Jumpin' Jack Flash

237. (8) - S3x10 - Without You

238. (8) - S3x11 - Never Can Say Goodbye

239. (8) - S3x13 - Cherish/Cherish

240. (8) - S3x14 - Cough Syrup

241. (8) - S3x14 - Stand

242. (8) - S3x15 - I'm Still Standing

243. (8) - S3x17 - It's Not Right But It's Okay

244. (8) - S3x17 - So Emotional

245. (8) - S3x18 - Cell Block Tango

246. (8) - S3x19 - What Makes You Beautiful

247. (8) - S3x19 - Take My Breath Away

248. (8) - S3x19 - Big Girls Don't Cry

249. (8) - S3x21 - Edge of Glory

250. (8) - S3x22 - I'll Remember

251. (8) - S4x02 - Oops!...I Did It Again

252. (8) - S4x03 - The Way You Look Tonight/You're Never Fully Dressed Without a Smile

253. (8) - S4x04 - Don't Speak

254. (8) - S4x06 - Look At Me I'm Sandra Dee (Reprise)

255. (8) - S4x07 - My Dark Side

256. (8) - S4x07 - Holding Out for a Hero

257. (8) - S4x07 - Some Nights

258. (8) - S4x08 - Whistle

259. (8) - S4x09 - Don't Dream It's Over

260. (8) - S4x10 - Feliz Navidad

261. (8) - S4x10 - Hanukkah, Oh Hanukkah

262. (8) - S4x10 - Jingle Bell Rock

263. (8) - S4x13 - Girl On Fire

264. (8) - S4x13 - Hung Up

265. (8) - S4x14 - We've Got Tonite

266. (8) - S4x15 - Diamonds Are a Girl's Best Friend/Material Girl

267. (8) - S4x16 - Bye Bye Bye/I Want It That Way

268. (8) - S4x17 - Mamma Mia

269. (8) - S4x17 - Copacabana

270. (8) - S4x21 - Signed, Sealed, Delivered, I'm Yours

271. (8) - S4x21 - You Are the Sunshine of My Life

272. (8) - S4x22 - Hall of Fame

273. (8) - S4x22 - Wings

274. (8) - S5x01 - All You Need Is Love

275. (8) - S5x02 - Here Comes the Sun

276. (8) - S5x02 - Get Back

277. (8) - S5x03 - No Surrender

278. (8) - S5x04 - Marry the Night

279. (8) - S5x05 - Wrecking Ball

280. (8) - S5x08 - Mary's Little Boy Child

281. (8) - S5x09 - Every Breath You Take

282. (8) - S5x10 - Gloria

283. (8) - S5x10 - Jumpin' Jumpin'

284. (8) - S5x11 - More Than a Feeling

285. (8) - S5x12 - Happy

286. (8) - S5x13 - Be Okay

287. (8) - S5x14 - Best Day of My Life

288. (8) - S5x14 - Downtown

289. (8) - S5x15 - You Make Me Feel Like a Natural Woman

290. (8) - S5x16 - Addicted to Love

291. (8) - S5x17 - Lovefool

292. (8) - S5x18 - Wake Me Up

293. (8) - S5x19 - Werewolves of London

294. (8) - S5x19 - Memory

295. (8) - S5x20 - Shakin' My Head

296. (8) - S6x01 - Suddenly Seymour

297. (8) - S6x03 - So Far Away

298. (8) - S6x04 - Bitch

299. (8) - S6x07 - All About That Bass

300. (8) - S6x07 - Time After Time

301. (8) - S6x09 - Uptown Funk

302. (8) - S6x09 - I Want to Break Free

303. (8) - S6x09 - Break Free

304. (8) - S6x11 - Mickey

305. (8) - S6x12 - Pony

306. (8) - S6x12 - I'm His Child

307. (8) - S6x12 - I Kissed a Girl

308. (8) - S6x13 - The Winner Takes It All

309. (7) - S1x01 - Can't Fight This Feeling

310. (7) - S1x02 - I Say a Little Prayer

311. (7) - S1x10 - I'll Stand By You

312. (7) - S1x11 - Papa Don't Preach

313. (7) - S1x11 - True Colors

314. (7) - S1x12 - Smile (Charlie Chaplin)

315. (7) - S1x13 - You Can't Always Get What You Want

316. (7) - S1x14 - Hello, Goodbye

317. (7) - S1x14 - Hello

318. (7) - S1x15 - Express Yourself

319. (7) - S1x15 - Vogue

320. (7) - S1x17 - Total Eclipse of the Heart

321. (7) - S1x18 - Lady Is a Tramp

322. (7) - S1x19 - I Dreamed a Dream

323. (7) - S1x21 - Another One Bites the Dust

324. (7) - S1x21 - Loser

325. (7) - S2x06 - Start Me Up/Livin' on a Prayer

326. (7) - S2x07 - Forget You

327. (7) - S2x09 - Don't Cry for Me Argentina

328. (7) - S2x10 - Last Christmas

329. (7) - S2x10 - Welcome Christmas

330. (7) - S2x10 - Merry Christmas, Darling

331. (7) - S2x11 - Need You Now

332. (7) - S2x13 - Take Me or Leave Me

333. (7) - S2x15 - Do You Wanna Touch Me (Oh Yeah)

334. (7) - S2x16 - Raise Your Glass

335. (7) - S2x16 - Only Child

336. (7) - S2x16 - Loser Like Me

337. (7) - S2x16 - Trouty Mouth

338. (7) - S2x19 - Don't Stop

339. (7) - S2x20 - I'm Not Gonna Teach Your Boyfriend How to Dance with You

340. (7) - S2x20 - Dancing Queen

341. (7) - S2x21 - Some People

342. (7) - S2x21 - My Man

343. (7) - S2x22 - As Long as You're There

344. (7) - S3x01 - It's Not Unusual

345. (7) - S3x03 - Run the World (Girls)

346. (7) - S3x05 - America

347. (7) - S3x05 - A Boy Like That/I Have a Love

348. (7) - S3x06 - I Can't Go for That/You Make My Dreams Come True

349. (7) - S3x08 - Control

350. (7) - S3x09 - Christmas Wrapping

351. (7) - S3x09 - River

352. (7) - S3x09 - Blue Christmas

353. (7) - S3x10 - Wedding Bell Blues (Bill)

354. (7) - S3x11 - Scream

355. (7) - S3x11 - Black or White

356. (7) - S3x12 - La Isla Bonita

357. (7) - S3x16 - More Than a Woman

358. (7) - S3x16 - Stayin' Alive

359. (7) - S3x17 - Saving All My Love For You

360. (7) - S3x20 - Flashdance...What a Feeling

361. (7) - S3x20 - Because You Loved Me

362. (7) - S3x22 - You Get What You Give

363. (7) - S3x22 - Glory Days

364. (7) - S3x22 - Forever Young

365. (7) - S4x01 - It's Time

366. (7) - S4x01 - Chasing Pavements

367. (7) - S4x02 - Crazy/U Drive Me Crazy

368. (7) - S4x02 - Womanizer

369. (7) - S4x04 - Teenage Dream (Acoustic)

370. (7) - S4x05 - Everybody Talks

371. (7) - S4x08 - Let's Have a Kiki/Turkey Lurkey Time

372. (7) - S4x09 - Something Stupid

373. (7) - S4x10 - Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas

374. (7) - S4x11 - No Scrubs

375. (7) - S4x11 - Locked Out of Heaven

376. (7) - S4x12 - Let Me Love You (Until You Learn to Love Yourself)

377. (7) - S4x13 - Don't Stop Me Now

378. (7) - S4x13 - Make No Mistake (She's Mine)

379. (7) - S4x14 - Just Can't Get Enough

380. (7) - S4x15 - Shout

381. (7) - S4x15 - Come What May

382. (7) - S4x15 - Old Time Rock & Roll/Danger Zone

383. (7) - S4x16 - I Still Believe/Super Bass

384. (7) - S4x16 - How to Be a Heartbreaker

385. (7) - S4x17 - Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go

386. (7) - S4x17 - Wannabe

387. (7) - S4x20 - Longest Time

388. (7) - S4x22 - I Love It

389. (7) - S5x03 - Fire and Rain

390. (7) - S5x08 - Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree

391. (7) - S5x08 - O Christmas Tree

392. (7) - S5x13 - Party All the Time

393. (7) - S5x14 - Don't Sleep in the Subway

394. (7) - S5x15 - No One Is Alone

395. (7) - S5x16 - I Want to Know What Love Is

396. (7) - S5x18 - Doo Wop (That Thing)

397. (7) - S5x20 - American Boy

398. (7) - S6x02 - Problem

399. (7) - S6x03 - Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow/Head Over Feet

400. (7) - S6x05 - All Out of Love

401. (7) - S6x06 - What the World Needs Now

402. (7) - S6x06 - Alfie

403. (7) - S6x07 - You Give Love a Bad Name

404. (7) - S6x08 - I'm So Excited

405. (7) - S6x09 - Cool Kids

406. (7) - S6x10 - The Final Countdown

407. (6) - S1x02 - Push It

408. (6) - S1x03 - Mercy

409. (6) - S1x04 - Tonight

410. (6) - S1x05 - Last Name

411. (6) - S1x07 - You Keep Me Hanging On

412. (6) - S1x08 - Sweet Caroline

413. (6) - S1x14 - Hello, I Love You

414. (6) - S1x16 - Home

415. (6) - S1x17 - Physical

416. (6) - S1x19 - Safety Dance

417. (6) - S1x21 - It's a Man's Man's Man's World

418. (6) - S2x01 - Every Rose Has Its Thorn

419. (6) - S2x01 - Getting to Know You

420. (6) - S2x02 - The Only Exception

421. (6) - S2x03 - Only the Good Die Young

422. (6) - S2x03 - Papa, Can You Hear Me?

423. (6) - S2x04 - Sing!

424. (6) - S2x05 - Sweet Transvestite

425. (6) - S2x05 - There's a Light (Over at the Frankenstein Place)

426. (6) - S2x12 - P.Y.T. (Pretty Young Thing)

427. (6) - S2x15 - Afternoon Delight

428. (6) - S2x15 - Kiss

429. (6) - S2x16 - Candles

430. (6) - S2x17 - Turning Tables

431. (6) - S2x19 - Dreams

432. (6) - S2x22 - Yeah!

433. (6) - S3x01 - Anything Goes/Anything You Can Do

434. (6) - S3x02 - Somewhere

435. (6) - S3x04 - Bein' Green

436. (6) - S3x07 - I Kissed a Girl

437. (6) - S3x11 - Wanna Be Startin' Somethin'

438. (6) - S3x12 - Bamboleo/Hero

439. (6) - S3x13 - Stereo Hearts

440. (6) - S3x15 - Up Up Up

441. (6) - S3x16 - Boogie Shoes

442. (6) - S3x18 - School's Out

443. (6) - S3x20 - Mean

444. (6) - S3x20 - I Won't Give Up

445. (6) - S3x21 - Pinball Wizard

446. (6) - S4x01 - New York State of Mind

447. (6) - S4x06 - Beauty School Dropout

448. (6) - S4x06 - Look At Me I'm Sandra Dee

449. (6) - S4x06 - You're the One That I Want

450. (6) - S4x06 - There Are Worse Things I Could Do

451. (6) - S4x09 - O Holy Night

452. (6) - S4x09 - All That Jazz

453. (6) - S4x12 - A Thousand Years

454. (6) - S4x12 - This Is the New Year

455. (6) - S4x13 - Nutbush City Limits

456. (6) - S4x17 - My Prerogative

457. (6) - S4x21 - Superstition

458. (6) - S4x22 - Clarity

459. (6) - S4x22 - To Love You More

460. (6) - S5x01 - Yesterday

461. (6) - S5x01 - A Hard Day's Night

462. (6) - S5x02 - Something

463. (6) - S5x07 - Cheek to Cheek

464. (6) - S5x09 - My Lovin' (You're Never Gonna Get It)

465. (6) - S5x11 - Vacation

466. (6) - S5x17 - I'm the Greatest Star

467. (6) - S5x20 - Girls on Film

468. (6) - S6x01 - Sing

469. (6) - S6x01 - Let It Go

470. (6) - S6x05 - It Must Have Been Love

471. (6) - S6x05 - My Sharona

472. (6) - S6x05 - You Spin Me Round (Like a Record)

473. (6) - S6x06 - Wishin' And Hoping

474. (6) - S6x06 - They Long to Be Close to You

475. (6) - S6x08 - Our Day Will Come

476. (6) - S6x09 - Friday I'm in Love

477. (6) - S6x10 - Far From Over

478. (5) - S1x01 - You're the One That I Want (ver. 1)

479. (5) - S1x01 - Respect

480. (5) - S1x05 - Maybe This Time

481. (5) - S1x08 - I Could Have Danced All Night

482. (5) - S1x11 - Imagine

483. (5) - S1x18 - One

484. (5) - S1x20 - Shout It Out Loud

485. (5) - S1x21 - Good Vibrations

486. (5) - S2x01 - Empire State of Mind

487. (5) - S2x02 - Baby One More Time

488. (5) - S2x05 - Science Fiction Double Feature

489. (5) - S2x07 - Nowadays/Hot Honey rag

490. (5) - S2x07 - Make 'Em Laugh

491. (5) - S2x10 - You're a Mean One, Mr. Grinch

492. (5) - S2x11 - Bills, Bills, Bills

493. (5) - S2x11 - She's Not There

494. (5) - S2x14 - Don't You Want Me

495. (5) - S2x17 - I Follow Rivers

496. (5) - S2x19 - Never Going Back Again

497. (5) - S2x19 - I Don't Want to Know

498. (5) - S2x22 - Bella Notte

499. (5) - S3x03 - Spotlight

500. (5) - S3x03 - Out Here On My Own

501. (5) - S3x04 - Waiting for a Girl Like You

502. (5) - S3x05 - Tonight

503. (5) - S3x05 - One Hand, One Heart

504. (5) - S3x07 - Girls Just Wanna Have Fun

505. (5) - S3x07 - I'm the Only One

506. (5) - S3x08 - Buenos Aires

507. (5) - S3x10 - The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face

508. (5) - S3x11 - Ben

509. (5) - S3x11 - I Just Can't Stop Loving You

510. (5) - S3x12 - Don't Wanna Lose You

511. (5) - S3x12 - Sexy and I Know It

512. (5) - S3x13 - You're the Top

513. (5) - S3x13 - Home

514. (5) - S3x16 - You Should Be Dancing

515. (5) - S3x16 - Disco Inferno

516. (5) - S3x16 - How Deep Is Your Love

517. (5) - S3x16 - If I Can't Have You

518. (5) - S3x16 - Night Fever

519. (5) - S3x18 - The Music of the Night

520. (5) - S3x22 - In My Life

521. (5) - S4x01 - Never Say Never

522. (5) - S4x02 - Boys/Boyfriend

523. (5) - S4x02 - Everytime

524. (5) - S4x06 - Greased Lightning

525. (5) - S4x07 - Heroes

526. (5) - S4x10 - The First Noel

527. (5) - S4x11 - Tell Him

528. (5) - S4x11 - I Only Have Eyes for You

529. (5) - S4x13 - Diva

530. (5) - S4x14 - Anything Could Happen

531. (5) - S4x15 - You're All the World to Me

532. (5) - S4x15 - Unchained Melody

533. (5) - S4x15 - In Your Eyes

534. (5) - S4x18 - Your Song

535. (5) - S4x19 - Fight for Your Right (to Party)

536. (5) - S4x19 - You Have More Friends Than You Know

537. (5) - S4x20 - We Will Rock You

538. (5) - S4x20 - Little Girls

539. (5) - S4x21 - For Once in My Life

540. (5) - S4x21 - Uptight (Everything's Alright)

541. (5) - S4x21 - I Wish

542. (5) - S4x21 - Higher Ground

543. (5) - S5x01 - Help!

544. (5) - S5x01 - You've Got to Hide Your Love Away

545. (5) - S5x02 - Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band

546. (5) - S5x02 - Let It Be

547. (5) - S5x02 - Revolution

548. (5) - S5x05 - On Our Way

549. (5) - S5x06 - Honesty

550. (5) - S5x06 - My Life

551. (5) - S5x06 - You May Be Right

552. (5) - S5x07 - Nasty/Rhythm Nation

553. (5) - S5x09 - Breakaway

554. (5) - S5x11 - I Love LA

555. (5) - S5x13 - Just Give Me a Reason

556. (5) - S5x14 - You Make Me Feel So Young

557. (5) - S5x15 - Not While I'm Around

558. (5) - S5x15 - Broadway Baby

559. (5) - S5x17 - Who Are You Now

560. (5) - S5x17 - NYC

561. (5) - S5x19 - I Melt with You

562. (5) - S5x20 - No Time At All

563. (5) - S5x20 - Glitter in the Air

564. (5) - S6x02 - Mustang Sally

565. (5) - S6x05 - Father Figure

566. (5) - S6x06 - Arthur's Theme

567. (5) - S6x06 - Promises, Promises

568. (5) - S6x07 - Same Love

569. (5) - S6x08 - Hey Ya!

570. (5) - S6x08 - At Last

571. (5) - S6x09 - Lose My Breath

572. (5) - S6x13 - Someday We'll Be Together

573. (5) - S6x13 - Teach Your Children

574. (4) - S1x05 - Cabaret

575. (4) - S1x07 - No Air

576. (4) - S1x10 - Don't Stand So Close to Me/Young Girl

577. (4) - S1x10 - Crush

578. (4) - S1x11 - Bootylicious

579. (4) - S2x01 - What I Did for Love

580. (4) - S2x04 - With You I'm Born Again

581. (4) - S2x05 - Planet, Schmanet, Janet

582. (4) - S2x08 - Sway

583. (4) - S2x09 - The Living Years

584. (4) - S2x12 - When I Get You Alone

585. (4) - S2x16 - Get It Right

586. (4) - S2x17 - All By Myself

587. (4) - S2x19 - Go Your Own Way

588. (4) - S2x20 - Jar of Hearts

589. (4) - S3x01 - We Got the Beat

590. (4) - S3x02 - Something's Coming

591. (4) - S3x03 - Fix You

592. (4) - S3x06 - You and I/You and I

593. (4) - S3x08 - Red Solo Cup

594. (4) - S3x15 - Fighter

595. (4) - S3x18 - Cry

596. (4) - S4x01 - Call Me Maybe

597. (4) - S4x03 - Celebrity Skin

598. (4) - S4x03 - A Change Would Do You Good

599. (4) - S4x05 - Hopelessly Devoted to You

600. (4) - S4x07 - Superman

601. (4) - S4x09 - Being Good Isn't Good Enough

602. (4) - S4x11 - I Don't Know How to Love Him

603. (4) - S4x12 - Centerfold/Hot in Herre

604. (4) - S4x16 - Closer

605. (4) - S4x18 - Say

606. (4) - S4x18 - More Than Words

607. (4) - S4x19 - Outcast

608. (4) - S4x19 - Next to Me

609. (4) - S4x20 - You've Lost That Lovin' Feelin'

610. (4) - S4x22 - All or Nothing

611. (4) - S4x22 - Rainbow Connection

612. (4) - S5x01 - Drive My Car

613. (4) - S5x01 - I Saw Her Standing There

614. (4) - S5x04 - Wide Awake

615. (4) - S5x04 - Applause

616. (4) - S5x05 - You Are Woman, I Am Man

617. (4) - S5x06 - Piano Man

618. (4) - S5x07 - You're My Best Friend

619. (4) - S5x10 - Don't You (Forget About Me)

620. (4) - S5x10 - Danny's Song

621. (4) - S5x12 - Keep Holding On

622. (4) - S5x13 - Loser Like Me

623. (4) - S5x14 - People

624. (4) - S5x18 - Story of My Life

625. (4) - S5x20 - All of Me

626. (4) - S6x01 - Dance the Night Away

627. (4) - S6x02 - Viva Voce

628. (4) - S6x06 - Baby It's You

629. (4) - S6x06 - I'll Never Fall in Love Again

630. (3) - S1x01 - Leaving On a Jet Plane

631. (3) - S1x05 - Alone

632. (3) - S1x08 - What A Girl Wants

633. (3) - S1x11 - Hair/Crazy In Love

634. (3) - S1x11 - Don't Make Me Over

635. (3) - S1x12 - Smile (Lily Allen)

636. (3) - S1x18 - Pink Houses

637. (3) - S1x20 - Poker Face

638. (3) - S2x07 - Conjunction Junction

639. (3) - S2x12 - Firework

640. (3) - S2x21 - Try a Little Tenderness

641. (3) - S3x06 - Hot for Teacher

642. (3) - S3x07 - Jolene

643. (3) - S3x13 - Let Me Love You

644. (3) - S3x13 - L-O-V-E

645. (3) - S3x15 - Rio/Hungry Like the Wolf

646. (3) - S3x18 - The Rain in Spain

647. (3) - S3x19 - Dinosaur

648. (3) - S4x03 - Everybody Wants to Rule the World

649. (3) - S4x04 - Give Your Heart a Break

650. (3) - S4x05 - Born to Hand Jive

651. (3) - S4x12 - Torn

652. (3) - S4x14 - You're All I Need to Get By

653. (3) - S4x16 - The Bitch Is Back/Dress You Up

654. (3) - S4x17 - Against All Odds (Take a Look at Me Now)

655. (3) - S4x17 - Creep

656. (3) - S4x19 - Don't Stop Believin' (Rachel)

657. (3) - S4x20 - Everybody Hurts

658. (3) - S5x02 - Hey Jude

659. (3) - S5x04 - Roar

660. (3) - S5x06 - Movin' Out (Anthony's Song)

661. (3) - S5x10 - The Happening

662. (3) - S5x10 - Hold On

663. (3) - S5x10 - Barracuda

664. (3) - S6x01 - Uninvited

665. (3) - S6x04 - Rock Lobster

666. (3) - S6x04 - Whip It

667. (2) - S1x02 - Gold Digger

668. (2) - S1x10 - Endless Love

669. (2) - S1x16 - One Less Bell to Answer/A House Is Not a Home

670. (2) - S1x16 - Fire

671. (2) - S1x20 - Beth

672. (2) - S1x20 - Funny Girl

673. (2) - S1x21 - Tell Me Something Good

674. (2) - S2x08 - Ohio

675. (2) - S2x12 - Fat Bottomed Girls

676. (2) - S2x12 - My Funny Valentine

677. (2) - S2x16 - Jesus Is My Friend

678. (2) - S3x13 - Chapel of Love

679. (2) - S3x21 - Starships

680. (2) - S4x01 - Sister Christian

681. (2) - S4x02 - Gimme More

682. (2) - S4x04 - Barely Breathing

683. (2) - S4x05 - Blow Me (One Last Kiss)

684. (2) - S4x05 - Juke Box Hero

685. (2) - S4x11 - Baby Got Back

686. (2) - S5x06 - An Innocent Man

687. (2) - S5x08 - Away in a Manger

688. (2) - S5x08 - Love Child

689. (2) - S5x18 - Piece of My Heart

690. (2) - S5x18 - The Rose

691. (2) - S6x10 - The Trolley Song

692. (1) - S1x03 - I Wanna Sex You Up

693. (1) - S1x08 - Bust A Move

694. (1) - S1x08 - Thong Song

695. (1) - S1x17 - Ice Ice Baby

696. (1) - S2x14 - One Bourbon, One Scotch, One Beer

697. (1) - S3x12 - A Little Less Conversation

698. (1) - S3x14 - Fly/I Believe I Can Fly

699. (1) - S4x08 - Gangnam Style

700. (1) - S5x05 - Blurred Lines

701. (1) - S5x07 - The Fox

702. (1) - S5x08 - The Chipmunk Song (Christmas Don't Be Late)

[gumnut-logic]

Minerva (Bit 1)

Okay, this fic is an attempt to get my mojo back. Every time I go on holiday it gets sideswiped. Being sick definitely did not help, though admittedly coughing all night last night may have made me my usual sleep deprived self, so who knows, it might have helped :D

But anyway, This fic is Kermadec because I needed a boat :D It also required a little research - Minerva Reef is a pair of actual atolls not far from Tracy Island. I’m not sure of the distance so I fluffed it.

Andre and Cecil are a pair of private nurses first mentioned in Gentle Rain. I like to recycle my OCs but I haven’t read that story in ages. Here’s hoping I’ve kept them true to form. They haven’t been sketched out in this much detail before, in any case.

There is fluff. I broke Virg again, oops, but there is resultant fluff. I’m sick, I can’t help myself. 

Many thanks to @scribbles97​ and @vegetacide​ for the read throughs and support. I haven’t forgotten about The Tattoo, I just needed a little self indulgence first.

This bit is mainly set up and I hope to write more asap. 1726 words.

I hope you enjoy it.

-o-o-o-

Two broken legs.

If there was anything worse than a broken limb, it was more than one and two broken legs was the worst.

Or two broken arms. He wasn’t sure as he hadn’t managed to break two arms as yet. But two broken legs definitely sucked.

Of course, it was worth it. Saving children was always worth it. But weeks of confinement, of being unable to do anything for himself, was about to send him around the bend, out the window and into the Pacific.

His brothers did their best and both Andre and Cecil, the family nursing staff - yes, they had enough injuries on enough of a regular basis to have nursing staff on their payroll -  had been called in on this one to cart him back and forth across the house, see to his necessaries, and pretty much do his bidding.

Which was fine, since he and Andre got on like a house on fire. The man spoke both paint and piano almost as much as Virgil and there had been fun times, despite his infirmities.

Cecil was a Gordon clone and those two got up to much more mischief than was really acceptable for an employee. But since Gordon usually took all the credit, even the time Scott had his eyebrows shaved, they got away with hell.

Besides, Scott’s eyebrows had been partly burnt off already and had looked stupid, so shaving them both off was an improvement that had to be done. How Gordon had managed it, Virgil didn’t have a clue...and also didn’t want to think too hard about it because it gave his rapscallion little brother powers that he really shouldn’t have.

Cecil played it straight and the Tracys put up with it. Because despite Cecil’s idiosyncrasies, the two nurses were very, very good at their jobs.

That and they came as a pair because Andre and Cecil were married.

So, other than expanding Gordon’s power of pranking, things were good. Well, as good as they could be while he had two broken legs. 

But there were days.

God, were there days.

Days, so many days, and today was one of them.

Scott had been called out early in the morning and consequently everyone was up. Alan was called next and he and Kayo were out dealing with yet another space freighter collision. Scott was going to kick some space agency ass about updating some space etiquette rules in the near future to stop this stupidity from happening, and considering how much profanity was bouncing down from orbit, both John and Alan would be there to back him up.

So three brothers were out, leaving Virgil imprisoned with Gordon, Andre, Cecil and Grandma. This combination wouldn’t normally be an issue, but Grandma was cooking up a storm and Virgil was trapped.

Gordon may be a pain at times, but he saw the hazard coming and he was a good brother at heart. So, with some assistance from Andre and Cecil, the Fish deployed his yacht, A Little Lightning, and suddenly the day seemed so much brighter.

Virgil was ensconced in pillows and the best of comfort on the back deck and had the privilege of watching Mateo pass on their starboard side as Gordon guided the yacht out into the open ocean.

Why he seemed to always be injured when aboard this boat, he had no idea, but Gordon was a life saver.

Virgil had no idea where his brother might be taking him and he didn’t really care. He just lay back and enjoyed a beautiful day, the breeze, the many sounds of water and the gentle bounce of the boat.

At some point he dozed off.

It had to be a sign of how much healing his body needed, but somehow he managed to sleep the entire trip, because it was the sudden change in the engine noise that woke him.

Andre was smiling at him in that soft caring way he had about him. Dark hair, blue eyes and a soft smile, the nurse was somewhat reminiscent of his big brother, but without the fire and the drive. The man was quiet and reassuring, exactly what was needed when ill or injured.

“It looks like you needed that.”

Virgil grunted, never a fan of waking up. 

But Andre knew this and had exactly what the injured engineer needed - a mug of steaming coffee.

Virgil forced the last few steps to full consciousness, and, pushing himself up, made a grab for the mug.

The mug moved away. “Uh-uh, stretch first.”

Shit.

It was a thing Andre made him do every time he woke. Before coffee, he had to stretch abused muscles that were forced to sleep in awkward positions due to his legs.

Virgil mumbled and grumbled, but did as he was bid. He knew how important the exercises were, but the lure of coffee was just cruel. He vaguely noted the yacht’s engine dropping to a slow cruise and the open ocean having just that touch more sway, rolling the yacht in the swell.

“Where are we?”

“Cecil says we’re visiting Minerva.”

“Oh.” Virgil blinked. He’d flown over the Minerva Reefs many, many times. They were a navigation marker not that far from Tracy Island. Though they were far enough away for him to have been asleep for some time. “How long was I out?”

That smile again. “Several hours. Did you good.” The nurse had placed the coffee on a side table and was helping Virgil sit up straight enough to consume the taunting liquid from heaven.

A breathless moment and the mug was in his hands and coffee was pouring down his throat. God, Andre made great coffee. Yet another reason to put up with his husband.

He surfaced at some point and managed a thank you that set the nurse grinning just as a coral reef started to drift past.

Virgil didn’t know much about the Minerva Reefs other than Melissa Fisher on Raoul swore about them..alot.

They were on the very edge of the Kermadec Ocean Sanctuary and she had wanted to add them to the exclusion zone for a very long time. But the reefs were owned by Tonga or Fiji, depending on which country you spoke to and the environment continued to suffer from it.

He vaguely remembered Gordon saying something about visiting the reefs in Four on several occasions and Virgil had no doubt that he and Melissa were likely doing some kind of sneaky ecological monitoring or some such. After all, the reefs were rather close to Tracy Island and Gordon rather passionate about such things.

As A Little Lightning cruised between two reef headlands, Virgil surmised they were at the northern of the two atolls.

As Virgil guzzled the last of his coffee, the yacht came to a complete halt in the lee of one of the headlands - if you could call it that, the reef barely made it above the water line. He heard the sea anchor deployed and there was suddenly silence except for the crashing of waves against coral and sand and the breeze.

Virgil closed his eyes and soaked it in.

The empty mug was tugged gently from his hand and he vaguely registered a plate being placed on the table beside him. “Cecil made pie.”

That snapped him out of it. “Pie?” The prankster could cook and he was suddenly assaulted with a delicious aroma.

“Steak and bacon, topped with mashed potato and cheese.” The plate had a generous serving along with salad piled up beside it. Andre was grinning at his expression. “He’s mine, you can’t have him.”

Virgil had to grin. “Well, at least I know one of the reasons why you nabbed him.”

Andre’s grin softened, but it was still a grin. “In the top five.” A hand landed on Virgil’s shoulder. “Eat up, you’ll need it for this afternoon’s workout.”

That deflated him a little.

The nurse noted what must have been in his expression. “Okay, perhaps it can be a brief session today.” A shrug. “After all, an atoll is hardly a swimming pool.”

“Virg trying to con you out of rehab?” Gordon bounced onto the deck, a grin on his face and that look of absolute relaxation the man got whenever he was out on the water.

“‘S not rehab.” So Virgil was pouting and acting like a child. “It’s maintenance.” Of what still worked, until the casts came off and then the hell would really start.

“Don’t let those baby browns lure you from the path of righteousness, Andre.”

“What? Like you attempted last time?” The nurse was grinning at the aquanaut.

That brought Gordon up short.

“I have to say that your eyes are a lighter brown, not quite the same colour, but the manoeuvring is almost identical.”

“What?” It was a two Tracy chorus shot at Andre with two brows, one dark, one light, shooting daggers at the nurse.

Andre just laughed and turned back to Virgil. “You going to eat your pie?”

The nurse’s blue eyes did some manoeuvring of their own and Virgil found himself snatching up the plate and hovering over it to protect his slice of pie.

Cecil chose that moment to appear. As usual, there was never a laugh far behind him as he was wearing a bright pink chef’s cap canted at an angle. But it was the two plates of pie in his hands that drew the attention of the other two men on deck.

Gordon didn’t hesitate, grabbing his plate and shovelling pie down his throat with barely a thank you. Virgil growled in his direction.

“What? It’s good pie. Cecil knows I appreciate him, don’t you, Cecil?”

But the cook was accepting a gentle kiss from his husband as the man took his plate, his other hand drifting from Cecil’s shoulder, down to the small of his back in a gesture simple but intimate enough for Virgil to turn away to give them privacy.

His eyes landed on Gordon, who’s face had an odd expression as he looked back at Virgil, as if he knew something that Virgil didn’t.

Virgil glared at him.

It, no doubt, had something to do with Kay. He would slap his little bro about the head later.

In the meantime...”So, what are we doing here?”

-o-o-o-

Bit 2

[kellencclark]

Honesty Hour || Kellen x Gracie

Where: Sea Change Recovery, Santa Monica, California

When: March 13, 2021

Featuring: Gracie Rothschild (dialogue provided by Tash @gracerothschild)

Triggers: Hospitalization, drugs, incarceration, abuse, mental health (depression, suicidal ideation) 

Gracie was still in shock with the news she heard, she hasn't had the courage to see him in the hospital, nor was she ready to face the feelings that surfaced when she heard the news. She knew her best friends would tell her to carry on that it wasn't any of her business, it was just the fact he still held a spot in her heart that it was hard to ignore everything. So there she was, standing there looking around the place, holding a vase of flowers that she figured would lighten the room or something. "Hi," she said softly, coming face to face with Kellen.

Vito had warned Kellen that people knew where he was. Kellen didn’t want people to know about his baggage, but now it was out in the open thanks to Gossip God. He was ready to find Gossip God and knock his lights out, but first he had to get out of rehab. He was the most sober he’d ever been since age 14 and was genuinely making strides in individual and group therapy. However, he wasn’t ready to be released yet. The staff said it would be at least two more weeks before he could go home. He missed home. He missed his friends, his apartment, his job, all of it. When he walked into the visiting room and was face-to-face with Gracie, it hit him like a tidal wave how much he had missed her in particular. “Hey,” he replied, inching closer to her. He noticed the vase of flowers and said, “I don’t know if they’ll let me keep that. They don’t even let me have shoelaces.”

Gracie felt her heart flutter at the sight of Kellen, she was doing so good on trying to move on, yet it hurt seeing him in this place, how far he went down and she couldn't help but feel a little guilty for not sticking around to help him through it. "Oh...I should have asked but then again, this is my first time coming to a place like this, are they at least helping you?" She asked, adjusting the vase in her hands and suddenly felt awkward with the fact he probably wouldn't be able to take it with him. "Vito messaged me, letting me know what happened..."

“It’s fine. I never knew how strict these places were either.” He hadn’t had any access to his cellphone since coming here. He also wasn’t allowed to watch movies, TV, or listen to music. Not being able to listen to music was hell for him. “Yeah. I mean, this place fucking sucks, but I’ve been able to talk through a lot of shit. That part’s been helpful.” He took a seat across from her, frowning at the mention of Vito telling her what happened. “I told him not to do that. Man never fucking listens...” He sighed, shaking his head. “Look, I don’t know what he said or how many details he gave, but... I wasn’t trying to die. It’s just... I hadn’t done it in so long that I didn’t realize how low my tolerance had gotten. Taking too much was an accident.” He felt like he had to clarify that for her.

Grace set the vase down on the table and leaned against the edge, "He cares that's why and I'm sure he was probably taken back by everything, he didn't mention much other than you being in the ER and overdosing..." Hearing him talk about how it wasn't supposed to happen, she frowned a little and sighed, "Kellen...that's the reason why I ended things with you and the fact your...daughters mother was harassing me...if I didn't, then maybe you wouldn't have ended up in this place."

Kellen buried his face in his hands. Grace mentioning the breakup brought up all sorts of emotions in Kellen. Sadness was the primary emotion. Thinking about the fact that she didn't want to be with him made him sad. The woman he loved didn't want to love him back. It hurt like hell, to say the least. But he saw that she was blaming herself for this situation, and he couldn't let that stand. "The fact that I have an addiction isn't your fault. It's not anyone's fault... well, actually, my parents fucked me up real bad, so in a way it's kind of their fault... But I'm sure you didn't come here to hear all the revelations I've made in therapy over the past two weeks." He wasn't actually sure why she came here. If he had to guess, he assumed it was guilt. He didn't want her to feel guilty though. He was in here because he made a bad choice.

Gracie features softened, she reached out hesitantly before firmly grasping his hand in hers, pulling it across between them, holding his hand between her smaller ones and squeezed gently. “No I came here to be your supporter, I want you to know I do still love you...that I will always love you, I’m sorry I wasn’t there but I’m here now, if you want me around.”

A small smile formed on Kellen’s face when Gracie took his hand. What came next took him by surprise. “Of course I want you around... but if you need to step away, I understand. I’m not exactly easy to be around...” He squeezed her hand before speaking. “I’m sorry for everything. I really am. I hid important things from you that I shouldn’t have, and I know that hurt you. Anything you want to know, I’ll tell you.” Being fully open about his feelings was something that was hard for Kellen, but his new therapist told him that he wouldn’t be able to live a happy and healthy life if he kept hiding things from people and holding onto negativity.

Gracie smiled lightly and nodded her head, "I won't be leaving unless you tell me to leave you, I want to be able to be here for you...even if we're not together...I just...want you to be okay." She said out loud, realizing that her best friends would definitely be shaking their heads at her choices, but she couldn't stop her heart from worrying over her ex-boyfriend, her heart still yearning for the same old routine she had with Kellen.

“I’m not gonna tell you to leave. But the staff is gonna kick you out at like 6:00. They’re very strict about when dinner starts...” he trailed off, realizing that he was deflecting again. “But thank you. I appreciate it, really. And even though I hate that you’re seeing me like this, vulnerable and in the beginning stages of growing a beard... it means a lot that you came out here today.” Even though they had been physically together on several occasions since breaking up, the two had not been emotionally close like this in a long time. It was scary, but it also felt right. “So is there, uh, anything you want to ask me? It’s honesty hour, nothing’s off the table.”

Gracie glanced at her wrist to realize that it was cutting close and sighed, “sorry I didn’t come earlier work and all, but I promise to stop by again—if you want me too anyways—which I understand can be a no and yeah,” she rambled out, over thinking becoming her best friend in her life. Grace stopped and thought over his question, licking her bottom lips and nodded her head, “why did...why didn’t you tell me about your addiction—I mean we’ve been dating for awhile...I said I loved you and you never thought to mention or anything about your past.”

“It’s okay. If you want, I can ask one of the nurses to give you the visiting hour chart. I get it if you can’t make it. Most of the times are during business hours.” He knew she was busy and didn’t want to inconvenience her, but he was lonely in rehab and missed her in general. He closed his eyes and sighed before answering her question. “You were just— God, you are so perfect to me. I didn’t think a girl like you would want to date an addict with a criminal record... If I had told you early in the relationship that I was a recovering heroin addict, would you have wanted to date me? If I had told you that I went to jail for assaulting my abusive dad, would you have wanted to date me?” He highly doubted that she would have.

Grace eyes faltered at his words, the fact he said she was perfect made her feel less than what she appeared to be, sure she looked like the typical girl next door and maybe she didn't have any sort of bad past or habits besides the typical chewing on her nails when nervous but in her eyes, Kellen was the spark that she wanted in her life, just not when he kept things from her. "I would have wanted to date you regardless, I dated the good boys and they're nothing like you...you made me feel love and special, you showed me more to life than the typical shit I lived my whole life. You may not think you're good but in my eyes you're wonderful." Gracie flashed a small smile at him, wanting him to understand how much he meant to her.

He couldn’t believe the words he was hearing. Kellen knew that he had some positive traits, but he didn’t think he was a good person. “We also had some crazy good sex,” he noted. “Sorry, had to. Force of habit. Turns out I use humor to deflect my feelings. That’s something I learned in therapy recently. Therapy is wild.” He was learning a lot about himself in these intensive therapy sessions. “Do you really think all of that though?”

Gracie couldn't stop the laughter from escaping her lips at his blunt response, typical Kellen, although he did have a point, their sex was good and it always was a good thing to look back on when she had to turn to other ways to satisfy herself. "Do you really think I would be talking out of my ass about what i thought about you? Why I dated you in the first place, I fell in love with you and each day I was always excited to create memories."

Her laughter brought a genuine smile to his face. He loved hearing her laugh, and seeing her smile, and so many other things about her. "Grace, I don't think I'm a good person. You know this, I know this... I want to be good. I really, really fucking do, but my shit brain keeps holding me back. I never really learned how to love myself, so the fact that you can love me... it's hard to believe, if I'm being totally honest." Even when they were dating, it was hard for him to believe that he was loved by her. This wasn't her fault at all. It was his depressed brain's fault-- the brain that fed him insecurities and thoughts of ending everything, the brain that could only be silenced by addictive substances. "Do you still love me, even though you've seen how dark it can get up here?" he asked, tapping his finger against his forehead.

Grace stared and studied his facial features, she was realizing that he had more demons to deal with and never actually had to deal with the same amount of pain he's been working with. Gracie felt the corner of her lips curl up into a smile and nodded her head, "I haven't stopped loving you, no matter how hard I tried to get over you, there was always that part of me that thinks back to you and I think you nearly dying opened my eyes." She explained, "But I don't want us to get back together because of that...I want you to continue working on yourself, become a healthier version of yourself."

“Well what a coincidence. I never stopped loving you either.” He couldn’t hide that, from himself or anyone else. No matter how hard he tried to move on, his mind always came back to her. She had his heart, and he didn’t want anyone else to have it. “I don’t want that either. If you did that, I’d feel like you were pitying me... I’m going to get better. But not just because I want you back. I want to do it for myself, and for Kelsie.” He had things worth living for. All it took for him to see that was to hit rock bottom. “Do you think there’s any chance of us ever getting back together though?”

She wanted nothing more than to separate the table between them and just hug him, but she knew that it was probably against the policy of being in the facility, so all she could do was nod her head. Could they work things out and get back together, that was a good question, what if he found someone else, what if she started seeing someone else, so many questions that she had to push those thoughts away. "Possibly, but I don't want you to wait around for me, as much as it kills me to think of you dating someone new...I just want you to know it's okay if you find someone new?" It felt like a huge knot was in her throat when she said those words, felt as if someone was strangling her as she tried to appear okay.

Kellen closed his eyes as he took her words in. It was okay to find someone new. He didn't want someone new though. He wasn't sure if he would ever want someone new. Sure, he had encountered plenty of people he was physically attracted to since he and Gracie broke things off. But, even though he considered it more than once, he couldn't bring himself to sleep with someone else. He craved the physical element of intimacy, but also craved the emotional and spiritual aspects that he didn't feel with anyone else but her. "I don't know if I will. But if you find someone else, I, uh, you know, I won't stop you... I want you to be happy."

The thought of sleeping with someone else just never settled well with her, she enjoyed the connection and chemistry with a person, the idea of having a hook up was beyond her comfort. Sure there instances where she was close to sleeping with a total stranger drunk but the thought of Kellen flashing through her mind sobered her up and went home alone. It wasn't any surprise that they both wanted each other happy but were they okay with seeing the other dating someone new? Gracie knew that her best friends wanted her to explore other relationships but did she have the strength? "Thank you...I--uh...actually--I'm not seeing anyone currently...I just don't have any time," or desire, she thought and shrugged.

He inadvertently let out a sigh of relief when she said she wasn't seeing anyone else. After everything else she had just said-- about still loving him and wanting him to be happy-- if she admitted to seeing someone else, it would kill him inside. The thought of Gracie seeing anyone else in general, even in the hypothetical, hurt like hell. But when you loved someone, you had to put their wants and needs over your own. "So I guess we'll figure it out as we go along? Play it by ear?" Kellen asked, hoping that would be enough for her to realize that he was willing to wait for her.

Staring after Kellen, hearing his words and processing everything, she couldn't help but to nod her head in agreement. "Play it by ear would be safe...just you know...be up front if things don't work out, not yank each other around--I mean I'm sure you were seeing other people...beyond a date," Gracie forced out the words as she scratched the side of her temple and chuckled lightly, "Maybe we should save this conversation for when you're out of here, because you need to focus on yourself--become someone healthier."

Kellen raised a brow at her. "I haven't been seeing anyone, actually," he clarified. "I mean, if you really want to get into it, I haven't gone on any dates with anyone. I've thought about one-night stands, but never acted on it." He shrugged. Even though she said to save this conversation for later, he felt like this was something that needed to be said.

She glanced back at him, her hazel eyes dropping from his eyes to his lips before forcing her gaze away to look at her hands on the table, fiddling with the bracelet and nodded her head. Gracie couldn’t help but be relieved about that news, she too tried to move on with dates and even attempted a one night stand which turned out to fall through due to it not being her cup of tea. “I’m surprised—not that I would assume you would go screw anyone—just that, most guys just go about and sleep with someone,” she wanted nothing more than to pull his face to her own to kiss him, feel those emotions that sometimes were overwhelming for her.

“I mean, before we met, I would’ve. And I did... I guess now... eh, forget it.” He looked away, noticing out of the corner of his eye that Janice, the nurse who escorted him into the room, was still outside watching them. He made a face at Janice and muttered, “Can’t get any fuckin’ privacy in this place.” He knew she was just doing her job and ensuring Gracie didn’t try to give him drugs, but he was annoyed nonetheless.

Gracie couldn’t stop the small laughter escaping her lips, knowing for a fact that he had a point, she was more focus on school when they met that she didn’t ever try and experience the whole hook up culture. She looked over to where the nurse stood, realizing that she probably could hear part of their conversation which had her cheeks heating up in embarrassment. “I mean you’re in a treatment facility, they’re only worried about your well-being.” Grace pointed out, looking at the clock on the wall and sighed, “I have to get going, I agreed to work night shift for emergencies.”

“I know. She’s watching to make sure you don’t slip me drugs. I don’t think she really cares what we’re talking about.” Or maybe she did. Who knew? Not Kellen. “Damn, your job really never gives you a break, huh? Well, thanks for, uh, y’know, visiting me.” He wanted to tell her to stay longer— there was still 10 minutes until dinner would be served— but her job was important and he didn’t want her to get reprimanded.

“I mean, at least I don’t work at the hospital, then I would never be able to see anyone.” She pointed out, she preferred animals over humans any day of the week. “We can meet again when you’re released, maybe grab coffee or something.” Gracie suggested, part of her wanted to stay a little longer, just hold a conversation with Kellen and stare at his face a little longer.

“Oh yeah, that’d fucking suck. But hey, your patients are cute animals and not asshole people, so you’re really the one winning here. Though your patients are more likely to bite you... Sure, people can bite too, but it’s less likely.” He knew he certainly liked biting, in a sexual context at least. In his line of work, he wouldn’t know how to react if a customer bit him. “If all goes well, I should be getting out on March 26th.” That date couldn’t come fast enough. “You remember what happened the last time you invited me to get coffee with you, right?” he asked with a smirk, unable to resist the innuendo.

Gracie felt her mouth opening and closing at his statement, her cheeks burning at the memory, clearing her throat to try and not think about the memory as she adjusted herself in her seat. “So yeah, we’re not going to bring that back up because we are in a public place,” she narrowed her eyes at him.

Kellen snickered at her reaction. It was cute seeing her get all flustered. It was like the good old days. There wasn’t anything he could do about it, except to wait until he was home free and to hope for the best. “Aw come on, a man can dream, can’t he? I’ve been here for two weeks surrounded by a bunch of weirdos, and now you’re here being all cute and sentimental and shit.”

Gracie rolled her eyes at his statement, snorting under her breath, “You mean you’re horny, there’s a reason you have a hand and imagination Kell, use it.” She felt the corner of her lips lift up into a smile. She was teasing him and knew it was a dangerous line considering the fact it’s been awhile since she actually had sex besides using the vibrator she purchased a week after their breakup. If it wasn’t for Maya and Trixie for dragging her she would have been so pent up.

He bit his lip at her comment. She wasn't wrong. "Oh, if only I didn't have a roommate who literally never fucking sleeps. Seriously, man stays up all fuckin' night spouting conspiracies about the Earth being flat and the Queen of England being a lizard alien. It's making me miss Vito and his loud ass dog. Like fuck, at least we have separate rooms and he knows how to knock." He rolled his eyes playfully. He genuinely did miss his apartment and actual roommate, but that probably wasn't something he was going to tell Vito. "Sorry, I'm done. You have work and I'm just here chewing your ear off with complaints. I'll let you go."

Grace laughed lightly at the relationship he had with Vito, she enjoyed talking to Vito whenever he came by the clinic, she could tell he was a good person. “I’m sure he misses you too, not too long you’ll be released, and maybe I’ll help you with,” she flashed him a seductive smile and shakes her head laughing as she stood up from her seat, “Is it okay to hug or would they yell?”

"Eh, with me out of the apartment, he'll have more alone time with-- wait, fuck. His girl's out of town, never mind." Kellen was so preoccupied with his own shit that he had almost forgotten that Vito told him that Verity had to emergently leave town a few days ago. 'Poor guy,' he thought. "It's okay to hug, as long as you don't slip a knife or any dope into my pocket," he teased. He knew she would never do something like that, but from what he had heard, it wasn't out of the ordinary for visitors to do that kind of stuff.

Gracie rolled her eyes and walks around the table and wrapped her arms around him, inhaling the scent of him. She now didn’t even want to go or leave him here but she knew he needed this and she needed to figure out her thoughts. “Don’t cause any trouble,” she pulled back to lightly punch his shoulder.

He closed his eyes as she hugged him, savoring the moment. “Did you just sniff me?” he asked, chuckling. “I’ll try my best, but I may throw hands with my roommate Roger if he wakes me up again. Especially if he starts talking about aliens. He thinks one of the nurses is an alien.” He probably wouldn’t do it, but he thought about it at least once per day.

Grace pulled back and quickly denied it, “No I didn’t just sniff you.” She sighed and nodded her head, “Well Roger is just trying to make conversation, but come here.” She grabbed a hold of his shirt and rose on her tippy toes to kiss him. Was it beyond the line she tried to place for them, yes but she wanted to at least make this ‘shitty’ place a bit better.

He chuckled again at her denial, finding it both cute and endearing. "Well Roger's fucking annoying and kind of antisemitic," he grumbled. While Kellen didn't currently practice any religion and was raised Anglican, some of his maternal relatives practiced Judaism. When Gracie kissed him, he instinctively reached over to cup her cheeks, his lips curling into a smile. "I really missed you," he admitted, pressing his forehead against hers.

Grace sighed lightly, closing her eyes to bask in the feeling, it was the one thing she missed. Realizing she missed Kellen more than she thought, she tried many things to keep her mind from thinking about him. But over stepping the line by kissing him, embracing him, she was starting to want more. “I missed you as well,” she whispered and nudged his head with hers before pulling back and cupped his face. “I’ll see you soon, don’t cause trouble for the staff.”

After the breakup, Kellen attempted to dull his sadness with weed and alcohol. But now that he was completely sober for the first time in a long time, he remembered just how intense his feelings for her were. He felt the strangest mixture of emotions: love, lust, loss, passion, longing, and melancholy, all at once. It was thrilling and terrifying at the same time. "So what you're saying is that I should start a fight and set something on fire. Got it, Chief."

"That is not what I mean," Grace sighed and rolled her eyes, knowing that he was joking, or at least she hoped he was. "Just think...if you don't cause any trouble, maybe, just maybe I will give you something. But that's if you don't do anything stupid." She poked his chest and flashed him a genuine smile. "We'll discuss more the next time I see you, right now I want you to focus on yourself and getting better."

"Come on, Gracie. I'm funny," he teased, poking her side. "Okay, I won't cause any trouble. Though not being stupid, I can't promise anything. I'm pretty dumb whether I want to be or not." He wasn't book smart, and that was something he had accepted about himself a long time ago. "If you wanna come visit again, you can ask the nurses for the schedule. But no pressure if you can't make it." He hoped that she would be able to come by, at least once more, but wasn't going to hold his hopes up.

Gracie smiled and shakes her head, "Yeah yeah, whatever you say." She wanted to see him again so when he mentioned to get the schedule, she decided to do just that before she leaves. "Okay, I will do that and hopefully my work schedule doesn't conflict with it. Gotta make sure you're not causing ruckus in this place or else I'll send Vito over to ignore you in my honor."

Kellen busted into laughter when she brought up Vito. “You’re gonna send Vito to ignore me? Vito, the human puppy dog? Yeah, that’ll work out great.” He snorted. “You need to go to work. Don’t be late.”

Laughing softly, Gracie nodded her head and started walking towards the exit, turning around once more and gave Kellen a small wave. Walking out of the room, she felt a little at ease but still uncertain.

[cumaeansibyl]

Check out this ugly ass bag

The fabric's a bit too soft for it to have any structure and it's not all that well made so I use it to hold rags

I made it in rehab eight years ago because they didn't let us bring bags to carry our stuff and they wouldn't replace the flimsy plastic bag they gave us at the start of our thirty days

I cut up an old pullover that was, if you can believe it, even uglier in that form, and sewed this bag by hand with a sewing kit I snaffled from the crafting supplies. they didn't say I couldn't have it so I made a couple more for people in between fixing various stuff

At some point during small group I mentioned how lazy and useless I was as a person and everyone was like "what? but you're always doing stuff," and I protested that that was only from being terminally bored (no internet, only religious or recovery literature) but that might be the first time I really understood that the stories I told myself about myself might not be true

Today is my eighth sobriety anniversary and I would normally have celebrated it at my Saturday night meeting but lol -- anyway tonight I'm grateful to be sober. and as much as rehab sucked I'm so glad I had access to it. I'm actually not much better at sewing than I was when I made that ugly-ass bag but I'm better at being a person, so I'll take it.

[revisionaryhistory]

Three Days ~ 57

~*~Emma~*~

Before jumping in the shower, I pulled up the naked picture, put a peach (I was in Georgia, after all) over my ass, and posted it on Instagram along with one of Amy and I floating and holding hands. I drew a heart around us and captioned it “Sister love”. When I got out of the shower, I had a text.

Sebastian ~ Imagine my sad face when there wasn’t a peach free version in my texts. Nice bikini.

Emma ~ You mean the version with my bikini bottoms that my sister took.

Sebastian ~ Ok, maybe not. Still a sad face.

 I sent him a posed bikini shot.

 Sebastian ~ I’m not going to complain. What a beauty. How is it going?

Emma ~ Five minutes and I'll call you.

Sebastian ~ Should be just enough time... with my new bikini pic.

Emma ~ Now I know why your biceps are so big.

Sebastian ~ Foreams.

 I pulled the towel off my hair, threw on clothes, and opened my iPad. Didn't take him long to answer. "Ce mai faci, Sebasti-an?" <How are you?>

“I was having a good day, now it's even better. How about you?"

I caught him up on the day and plans for the long weekend.

"You're going to be busier than me. I’ve got dinner with the guys. Then Canada. Sounds like our Sunday date may need to be postponed."

Our phone sex date. "Hell, no. Do you think after a day with family I'm not going to need to release some tension?"

Sebastian sighed, "That's all I am to you. Tension release."

"More of a perk than a purpose."

"I can live with that." He shrugged with a smile.

“That’s good because dad introduced to an eligible doctor today. He wanted to invite him to dinner. I told him my boyfriend didn’t like me to go on dates with other men.”

“Damn straight.”

“I call him bait.”

“To his face?”

I snickered and shook my head, "We've got pizza coming for dinner. Wanna meet the fam now? Natural conversation ender."

"Whenever."

I stood up, "Now, then I'll call you later. Unless you're falling back into your hole."

He held his thumb and forefinger an inch apart, "A little hole. I’m all yours whenever."

"Won't be too late." I opened my door and headed down the hall. I could see everyone in the family room. "Hey guys, I’ve got Sebastian. Want to meet him?"

Amy yelled, "Yes."

I put the iPad on the coffee table while they squished together. I stood behind them. "Family, Sebastian. Sebastian, this is Katie, Amy, mom is Andrea, and dad is David."

"Nice to meet all of you."

Katie got very close to the camera like she did when she talked to me, "Do you have a dog?"

"I don't have a dog. Do you have a dog?"

"No, but I want one. What about a cat, do you have a cat?"

He shook his head with a pout, "They make me sneeze. I have a fish. He lives with your Aunt Emma. His name is Mycroft."

"That's a stupid name."

Sebastian crinkled up his nose, "I know. Emma named him.”

Amy pulled her away, "We don't say stupid."

"She's a cutie." Sebastian looked between us. "I’m about to sound like I’m sucking up. All four of you are beautiful and carbon copies. Love the new hair, Amy."

Amy ran her fingers through, "Thank you."

Mom added, "Sucking up or not, always nice to hear. Amy said you're on your way to Canada."

Sounds like Amy had told our parents about our conversation.

"Yes. I have a movie showing at the Toronto Film Festival. I’m doing some advance press and meetings."

"And Rome," from Amy.

"Female spy movie."

My dad spoke up, "I‘m a history buff and have read about the units, mostly in Europe during World War two."

And they were off. Sebastian had been researching and dad directed him to a couple of books. They were animated and their conversation bounced back and forth. Sebastian managed to guide the talk around and asked mom about the mini-family reunion going on Sunday. Mom talked about the menu before she started sharing embarrassing stories. Sebastian told a few on himself. I pulled Amy in and she retaliated with a particularly embarrassing story that ended with me peeing by the side of a road. Maybe this meeting thing was a bad idea.

Sebastian looked at me, "So when we take a road trip you can point out the best places."

His words were teasing, but his expression was adoration. I felt it all over and smiled in return. "I imagine you’d block me from view instead of advertising a roadside strip show like she did.”

“I would.”

Fifteen minutes in the doorbell rang. I was starving but wished it had taken a little longer. I had been a little worried at first when it felt like they were interviewing him, but like he’d told me and I’d seen, after a few minutes they went back to normal and talked to him like he was anyone else. I was still standing in the back and went after the pizza, putting it on the table before returning to my spot. He and Amy were laughing about something.

Sebastian glanced up at me for a second, “I don’t want to keep you from dinner. Emma’s bragged on the pizza place. Go eat while it’s hot.”

Amy and dad said it was nice to meet him and mom said, “Fingers crossed things continue and we get to do this again or in person.”

What the fuck!

Sebastian saw me make a face and throw my hands up. He smiled and spoke to my mom, “I’m not going anywhere.” He glanced up to me, “I’ll talk to you later, Em?”

“Yep, I’ll text to make sure you’re still up.”

I used the time it took me to walk around the couch and close the cover on my iPad to calm myself down. What an absolutely strange thing for my mother to say to my boyfriend. By strange I mean bitchy. I wasn't willing to let it go but now wasn't the time. I'd like to say because I didn't want to confront her in front of the whole family, but it was because I was hungry.

Amy was buckling Katie in her booster seat, mom had the plates, and dad had multiple bottles of beer. I had no function. I sat down and opened the pizza boxes. The first bite was as good as I remembered. The combination of flavor and the happy memories made me smile. I chased the bite with beer and was in heaven.

I was content to sit quietly enjoying my pizza and beer. My twin was not, "Sebastian is nice and funny. He tells great stories. His expressions. I mean I know he's an actor, but this was him as a person. I like him."

"Me too," came from Katie.

"And he is gorgeous." Amy’s eyes were huge, "Gorgeous."

I pulled my lips to the side and nodded, "Yes, he is."

From the end of the table, my dad spoke, "Amy, tell us what's going on at the lake?"

Mom added, "Is Max going to be there?"

The rest of dinner was my parents talking to Amy about tomorrow and asking questions about her and Max. Not one word from either of them about Sebastian. I could tell they knew a lot about Max by the questions they asked. Zero questions about my boyfriend, who they knew next to nothing about. They knew next to nothing about how we met or what we’d done. They were asking about Amy and Max though. I wasn't even included in the conversation. I didn't have a function here either.

I wonder how much beer is in the fridge or tequila in the bar?

I’m angry. Sebastian was charming, self-effacing, and knew enough about them to ask questions. I don't expect them to gush all over about him, but how about a "he seems nice" or even "it was nice to talk to him.". But no. Nothing. Zippo.

One of the first things I learned in rehab was anger is a secondary emotion. Equally as valid, but still derived from another emotion. Something comes first and triggers anger. My feelings are hurt. They can talk to Amy about Max at any time. Literally at any time because she lives here. I'm here for five days and we just had him on FaceTime. Silence. I feel discounted.

I volunteered to take the garbage out. I needed some air. Instead of coming back inside, I sat down on one of the loungers, putting my phone on the side table. Closing my eyes and focusing on my breathing I tried to slip into calm. I was almost there when I heard the doors open and close. The calm disappeared. I was guessing it was mom. Dad wasn't one for confrontation and there was no mistaking there was going to be confrontation. Imagine my surprise when it was both of them.

"Hey, sweetheart." Dad sat on the foot of the lounger next to me. I pulled my feet up, making room for mom.

"Hey, has Katie gone to bed?"

Mom shook her head. "Amy's reading to her."

"We wanted to talk to you about Amy."

"OK." I was a little confused. "She seems really good. The last few months we've been texting and talking more. Today was nice. Laying here in the pool talking like we were teenagers again."

Mom put her hand on my foot, "I’m glad. Amy told us some of it."

My dad had his hands clasped between his knees. "Amy has been doing well. She has a good job, has been going out with friends, and she likes this Max."

“I remember him from high school."

"We'd like to keep her doing well. This is the longest she's been sober. We need you to tone it down a little."

I cocked my head, "Tone what down?"

Dad said, "Talking about Sebastian."

In an interesting twist, mom tried to lessen that blow. Sort of. "In general too. How good things are going at work and your social life. She compares herself to you and we don't want Amy to feel bad about herself."

I needed to know, "Did Amy say something? Have I said or done something for her to feel inferior?"

"No, not all. She said the same as you about how good it felt today."

Amy saying she felt less was completely different than what was going on here. I fought back angry tears. "First, I have barely talked about Sebastian. Amy asked questions from the hospital to here. I was excited for you all to meet him, but did it before dinner so it was time limited. That’s all I’ve said about him. You two don't even know how we met. Your disinterest is pretty clear.” I looked at dad, "I wasn't going to bring him up until after dinner, but you were trying to set me up." I turned my head to my mom, "And you straight up said if you two don't break up maybe we'll talk to you again."

"Emiliana, you're overreacting. Sebastian seems very nice and seems to be quite taken with you. My comment was more for Amy. He's a movie star. Of course, she's jealous, but she needs to remember dating doesn't mean forever."

"But you said it to Sebastian. Why would you say that to either of us?" I had my hand up with all fingers pointing at my chest. "Sebastian is the first relationship I’ve had in forever and you're forecasting the end. I’m happy and you're saying maybe it’ll last. That’s hurtful and mean."

"I’m happy for you. We're just asking you not to rub your sister's nose in your happiness and success."

Had I thought there was the slightest bit of truth to that statement I would have backed down. But there wasn't. "I've done no such thing. I've intentionally not done that. There's so much I could be saying, but haven't."

"Thank you. Please keep it that way."                                                                .

I stared at her. The correct response would have been they wanted to hear all about him.

My dad's voice cut the silence. "I didn't know you were dating anyone. I wouldn't have mentioned Frank coming to dinner if I had. What's so wrong with wanting my daughter to come home?"

He did well until the last sentence. It sucked the anger out of me and left sadness. "But you don't want me home. You want a version of me who isn't excited about a new boyfriend, or celebrates winning a volleyball tournament, or has friends who enjoy hanging out with me, or is proud of how she does her job. Or is at least is willing to pretend she isn’t."

Neither said anything. They couldn't because they knew I was right. I picked up my phone and stood up, "I'm going to go sit by the lake for a bit. Watch the water."

Mom didn't move, but Dad stood up. "Emma, Amy has struggled and worked hard to deal with what happened that summer."

I curled my lips in tight, refusing to cry. "So did I."

I walked along the wooded path and to the end of the dock. I sat dangling my legs off and called my other dad.

Ed picked up on the first ring, "It's too soon for you to call. You haven't been there for twelve hours."

I jumped right in. "I had a fight with my parents. The day with Amy has been great, like we were kids again. We’ve laughed and talked and even had this moment where we connected about what happened. Then my parents literally told me to stop being so happy. I might make Amy relapse."

"I love you, Emma.” He gave me a smile that was more sad than happy. “Tell me what they said. Exactly what they said."

Tears rolled down my face as I relayed the conversation.

Ed was silent until the end. He has always tried to be objective and not say anything negative about my parents. "Fuck them, Emma."

I started laughing. "I knew I wasn't overreacting. It’s not even that they want me tone it down because I do that with Amy all the time. I always check what's going on with her before I tell her what's going on with me. I'm always careful."

"I know you are."

"It's that they don't even consider me. Not a word. Had they said they wanted to hear all about Seb, but things were rough with Amy it would have been alright. But Amy's doing great and I can't be too happy in case she might not be. I have to be half of me so they can hope she'll be whole. I want her to be ok too, but not at the expense of me. To throw out they want me home. Why would I ever even consider moving back here with people who want me to diminish myself? And that she struggled. What do they think I did?”

“You could tell them.”

“Tell them? Are you crazy? So next time Amy is feeling bad about herself they can tell her then she relapses and tells whoever. No, thank you.”

Ed laughed, “I didn’t say it was a good idea. Don’t forget it’s your choice. You always have a choice. Even if it’s the best choice there are consequences. For the record, I think you made the right choice.”

I laid down on the dock. I know it’s not about sides, but I needed somebody on mine. Ed was on mine. “I want to go home.”

“Call an Uber and go to the airport. You need money, I’ll send. Or call Sebastian he’ll fly you home.”

That made me laugh, he was clearing the way for whatever I needed. “It’s my choice.”

“Always.”

I thought a second and Ed was good with the silence. “The only reason I’m not going home is that I don’t think this is Amy and we’re spending a day out with friends tomorrow. I don’t want to miss a good visit with my sister because my parents are assholes.”

“You said that, not me.”

“I read your mind. I love you. Thank you. I’m better.” I groaned, “I’m supposed to FaceTime Sebastian. I’m sure I’m a mess.”

“Don’t lie to him. Don’t pretend everything’s ok. Let him support you. I think he’ll be good at it. Doesn’t mean I’m going to quit giving him shit.”

“He doesn’t think you’re going to kill him anymore.”

“I’ll have to work harder.”

We hung up and I headed back toward the house. It was nearly pitch black out here and I wanted to see Sebastian.

[writing-for-the-weekend]

Christian Yelich Imagine - part3

He pulls you back down towards the couch, and before you realize it you are wrapped up in Christian’s lap. His hands are on your hips, and you are straddling his legs with your hands on his shoulders. He looks up at you and smiles.

“You know, you’re really pretty,” he says sheepishly. 

You laugh and drop your head down to his shoulder. His hands travel up to your lower back, and he starts to rub his hands back and forth. He pulls you closer to his body and you wrap your arms around his neck. You lean your torso away from him slightly so that you can look back at his face. 

“Today has been great,” you say smiling.

“Oh, I’m not done with you yet.”

His hands lower back down to your hips, and you can tell that he hesitates, but his hands land on your ass. You sink further down in his lap so that your faces are closer together. Christian reaches his right hand up and cups your face. You look into each other’s eyes for a few seconds, and before you realize it, your lips are crashing together. You part your lips slightly and feel the warmth of Christian’s tongue invading your mouth. You tangle your fingers in his hair and lose yourself in his soft curls. Christian breaks away from kissing you and tosses you onto your back. He pushes your legs apart and crawls on top of you as he bites his lip. You reach out and grab the neckline of his shirt and start to pull him towards you. Christian grins and places his hand on the side of your head when you hear the garage door open. You throw your head back and let out a loud groan. Christian drops his head to his chest and shakes his head back and forth.

“I’m pretty sure they have the worst timing.”

Christian leans back on his knees and looks down. You follow his gaze, and it is pretty clear that he was enjoying himself quite a bit. Christian adjusts his pants and sighs deeply. He stands up from the couch and starts to walk to the bathroom, but he stops briefly before he goes. He leans over and gives you a quick peck on the cheek. 

“You’re not off the hook just yet,” he says with a wink.

You groan again and rub your hands over your face. The garage door that leads into the house opens, and you can hear Aaron and Giancarlo talking. Aaron comes around the corner first and he sees you by yourself. He stops abruptly and looks around the room for Christian.

“Did he leave?” he says.

“He’s in the bathroom,” you mumble.

A huge grin spreads across his face. “Your face looks pretty flushed. What were you two up to?” he says barely able to control his laughter. 

Giancarlo enters the room and glances between you and Aaron. He has a huge smirk on his face as well and he claps Aaron on the back. 

“Looks like we were right about them getting along,” he says laughing.

“Honestly, you guys are the absolute worst,” you groan. 

Christian comes out of the bathroom and Giancarlo and Aaron start to slow clap. Christian’s face is bright red, but you can tell he is trying to hide a grin. He comes over to the couch and lightly pushes on your legs making room for himself next to you. 

“How was your workout?” he says trying to change the subject. 

“Not bad,” Giancarlo grunts as he stretches his arms above his head. “What about you guys? How was your workout?”

You cover your face with your hands and try not to laugh. Before you know it, Christian breaks and all of you start laughing together. Christian leans against your legs, and you feel that warm sensation in your belly again. 

“We just wanted to stop by to see if Christian was ready to head out,” Aaron says. 

Christian straightens up next to you and glances over your way. “Uh yeah, why don’t you guys head out to the car and I’ll meet you outside.”

Aaron nods his head, and you can see G elbow him in the side. You get up off of the couch and approach Aaron. You wrap your arms around his waist, and he gives you a kiss on the top of your head. You move to Giancarlo and give him a quick hug goodbye. The guys walk out back through the garage, and you turn to face Christian. He is standing right in front of you, and he mumbles a quiet, “Hey.”

He gives you a questioning look, and then he pulls his phone out of his pocket. “I just realized that I have no way to get in contact with you on my own. Can I have your number?” You smile and rattle off your number to him. The confident Christian from earlier is gone, and he is back to being shy and red-faced. You close the gap between the two of you and give him a long hug. He rests his chin on your head and you stand there for a solid minute. When you pull apart Christian says, “I’m bummed we have to end this short, but I’m looking forward to seeing you again.” He leans in and gives you a quick kiss on the lips. 

A few weeks go by with heavy contact with Christian. While he is away, the two of you text incessantly. After good games, you send him texts of encouragement, and after bad games, you console him. During the in-between, you talk about everything under the sun, and sometimes late at night, your texts turn a little graphic - especially with his recent ESPN photoshoot surfacing. Essentially, you are dying to meet up with him again. Your connection feels genuine and intense, and you are really enjoying getting to know Christian. September has decided to show itself, and you are enjoying the crisp, cool weather, and you long to have Christian with you on those beautiful nights. But Christian is busy playing his heart out. The Brewers haven’t secured a spot in the playoffs, and they are fighting hard to try and make it.

September 10th starts out like any other day. You text Christian on and off throughout the day leading up to the game. You have a work meeting that is going to take up the majority of your evening, so you send him your well wishes for the game and get to work. The meeting runs pretty late, and your supervisor wants to take the staff out for dinner. You would much rather order takeout and sit home watching the game, but you know when you need to suck it up and be professional. The dinner goes surprisingly well, and you appreciate the time to make some connections with your co-workers. 

You are walking to your car when you finally have the time to check your phone. You don’t expect to see anything from Christian, but you do intend to check the score and see how his night is shaping up. The screen lights up and you see a text, missed call, and voicemail from Christian. The messages came in while the game should have been in progress, and your heart rate speeds up a bit. You convince yourself that there is a rain delay as you open the text. The text reads, “Hey, can you call me when you have a minute?” You unlock your car door and sit down heavily. You pull up the voicemail and hear Christian’s voice wavering a bit, “Hey (Y/N), please call me when you can. It’s kind of important. I, uh, I just need to talk to you.” Your heart rate is through the roof at this point, but you press the call button and wait to hear Christian pick up. 

“Hello?”

“Hey, is everything okay?” you reply. 

“Um, not really. Have you seen anything from the game?”

“No, I just got to my car and I saw your text and heard your voicemail. Christian, what happened?”

“I’m in the hospital. I fouled a ball off my knee, and I can’t really walk or move it. They ran some tests, and I’m done. I’m out for the season.”

Your heart sinks and your press your hand to your face. 

“Fuck, Christian I am so sorry. Is there anything I can do?”

“So that’s part of why I wanted to talk to you. I, uh, I know this is asking a lot, but I was wondering if you would want to come stay with me? The doctor is telling me that I’m going to have a hard time recovering while living on my own, and he asked if there was anyone that would be willing to help me, and you were the first person I thought of.”

“Oh, wow, um,” you stutter.

“I know you have your commitments, and I don’t want to mess anything up for you, but I just wanted to ask,” he says, and you notice a hint of defeat in his voice. 

“I really want to be there for you, especially now. I don’t see it being an issue, but I just have to check with work before I agree. I’ve worked from home in the past, and I can just skype into meetings. I think I can make this work,” you say becoming more enthusiastic as you continue to speak. 

“Are you serious?” Christian exclaims. “We’ve been talking so much, and I am dying to see you again. I’m so fucking bummed about my season-ending like this, but knowing that you are even willing to stay with me for a little bit is helping my mood out quite a bit,” he says with a chuckle. 

“Let me go, and I will see if my supervisor is around to talk.”

“I’ll pay for everything. Like, not in a weird way, but I will pay for your plane ticket of course, and all the expenses while you’re out here.” 

“No way, I don’t wanna impose on you like that,” you say pacing your apartment. 

“Are you serious? I’m asking you to come stay with me. It’s the least I can do.”

“Okay, we’ll talk about this later,” you say smiling. “I’m going to go figure some stuff out, and I’ll let you know.”

You end the conversation and you fall back onto the couch. You have so many emotions going on at once, and it is going to take some time to process them all. First, Christian being injured is a huge blow. You know how much baseball means to him, and you would never want something like this to happen to him. He works so hard all year long to make sure that he is in the best shape possible, and for something as silly as a foul ball to knock him out, you can’t help but be frustrated. Then, of course, you feel elated. To think that Christian wants you of all people with him as he rehabs is completely insane. In all reality, you barely know each other, but you are so excited to spend time getting to know him and help take care of him. 

You text your supervisor to see if she is around to chat, and you give her a call. You decide to describe the situation as a long-time friend needing your help rather than a random guy you have a major crush on who also happens to be a professional baseball player. Just like you expected, she agrees to let you work from home as well as give you some days off to travel and get situated. You make a mental note to never complain about your job again.

You send a quick text to Christian, “It’s a go! Let me know when you want me to fly in ;)”

Within seconds your phone is vibrating. Before you can even open your mouth to say anything, Christian starts talking into the phone. 

“You’re sure, right? Like 100% sure? I don’t want you to feel pressured AT ALL,” he says. 

“I am 100% sure. I promise. I am ready to be your nurse and wait on you hand and foot.” 

“God, I can’t wait to see your face,” he says dreamily. 

“I’m going to give you the biggest hug ever,” you say grinning to yourself.

Christian lets out a sigh. “So, I need your Venmo, also if it’s not too soon, there is a flight tomorrow morning. You can obviously pick whatever day you want to fly in; I’m just excited to see you.”

“Tomorrow sounds great, but I just have to figure out how I am going to pack everything. This is kind of overwhelming.”

“Just make sure you have your work stuff and chargers for all your electronics. We’ll go shopping once you get here. Well, I’ll transfer you money, and you can go shopping because I can’t get around all that well. It will just make sense to have a set of clothes and toiletries here. Before you can even protest because I can hear you trying to interject, please just let me do this. It’s the least I can do.”

You exhale loudly. “Okay fine, but I’m going to make you help me pick out clothes.”

“There are definitely some things I would really like to pick out for you,” he chuckles. 

You can feel your cheeks heat up, and you smile down at your feet. “I’m going to go tackle this packing situation, and buy my plane ticket for tomorrow.”

You toss the phone onto your bed, and you pull your suitcase down from the top of your closet.

[polygamyff]

50.

“You are honestly so boring, who the hell openly watches news?” I shrugged smiling laid out on the couch watching TV, Robyn thinks I am boring “don’t be stupid, it’s business news. I like to see the update about business and shares. You’re boring with your trash TV” she is the same woman that watches Kim fucking Kardashian “whatever, don’t kick your legs around Reign is making her way to you” watching Robyn crawl on the floor towards Reign “you look very sexy like that, mhmmm” I grinned “be quiet” Robyn picked Reign and moved her closer to the couch “I just don’t get her refusal to crawl, is she too good for it?” I shrugged laughing; Reign will not crawl. She just sits there and waits, she rather grab things to help her up “I love that little romper on her, it’s cute” rubbing the top of my head while watching Reign, she dragged herself up using the side of the couch. Waiting to see her little face “come on, you’re nearly there. Yay!” finally she dragged herself up “boo! Hey Mi Amor” Reign smiled at me so wide “look at your tooth” she is in a good mood “da” she looked down “come on, come to da. Come on” waving her over, reaching my hand over “come” grabbing her arm “papa got you, you won’t fall. Come to me” I want her to shuffle her way to me “if she falls, this is on you. Leave her hand on there, if she let’s go then you won’t be able to save her” I guess Robyn has a point “I knew that” placing her hand back down, Reign started to chew on the couch “hey! No, don’t do that” I pointed, she yelped out “no!, don’t be so rude” she out here chewing on my damn couch, don’t think so “are you excited to see Malik” I shrugged “it’s whatever, I will say hi and then bye” Robyn side eyed me “stop it now, you try your best. Life is too short for this shit” she is right in saying that, but Malik is also an asshole, I guess we will see what he is like when I see him. He may have changed  with no drugs, Robyn eye-balled me to look at Reign “don’t say anything to her” is she shuffling herself towards me, I feel so excited that I want to say something but I don’t want to scare her. She is so very careful of what she is doing, she looked up and then sneezed at the same time and that was it, she fell back “awww no” I said, she was doing so well. Reign got frustrated and did her little fake cry “oh stop it woman” I sighed out.

My little baby is ready for day care “if papa could take care of you I would, but I will see you later ok?” Robyn laughed “I hope you’re ready for this” Robyn walked off, I don’t understand what she means by that “papa gives Reign a kiss on the cheek” pressing a kiss to her cheek “and what does papa get back” facing my cheek near Reign “come on” feeling Reign’ face plant into my cheek “there we go, see? That is what papa gets, she loves me. So, you have to be a good girl there, and I will see you ok?” Nalah is smiling so wide watching me “I never would have thought I would see this, it’s so cute to see” Nalah pointed at both Reign and I “you mean the super team, say bye to auntie. Bye Auntie” waving at Nalah “I love you” walking towards the car “I keep saying this, I will buy you a car” Robyn took Reign from me “it’s fine, be good for today ok? Don’t do the most, be there for him” I sighed out nodding my head “I will see what happens, have a good day at work” pressing a kiss to Robyn’ lips “I will call you on my break, I love you” moving back a little “love you too Bonita, bye baby” waving at Reign just staring at me, blowing a kiss to her “Reign adores you, it’s beautiful to see” Nalah said as she stood next to me “and that is love, but anyways. I guess we are having to see him” she should be glad, I never agreed to this shit “your brother and listen Maurice. It’s not your day, it’s his. You listen to him, you have been through drugs too, let him have his moment which he never gets to have” nodding my head “yes boss” saluting her “stop it” she hit my hand “I want to hopefully sort this issue out” we will see what happens with that.

Getting into the SUV after Nalah “least you didn’t dress in a suit” is Nalah trying to be funny “Robyn says my attitude is better when I am in a suit and you’re laughing that I am not wearing a suit, I can never win with you women” my driver closed the behind me “it’s funny, you wear suits for everything, you and Robyn good? You’re not getting on her nerves, how does it feel to have a family home with actual family?” I laughed, I laughed because she knows “you bringing up that time in the Hollywood hills? At that time they was family, my family of drug takers, come on” Nalah shook her head “you shut the door in my face when I warned you that dad was coming for you, then you said this my family. I was like erm, I can see butt naked girls and some random men. You were so bad, like I said to dad you have given him money and he is running around doing everything wrong, dad was in denial but how does it feel?” I was funny then, I found myself funny “it’s good, sometimes I be laying in bed and I think to my past, from crashing that car in LA, from buying a home in the hills that didn’t last because I ran off again. Dad was there cleaning up my mess and I found it funny. I was county hopping; I do think, and I am like how the fuck did I survive. I had sickle cell; I was on the verge of dying what the fuck. I had no medication, I was living off drugs and a couple of hoes” shaking my head “it makes me cringe, like when dad called us and said he is in rehab and won’t leave until I want him too, he is there until I say so. I felt relieved, I was glad. But to see you like this, to see you with Reign, I am so proud of you” I grinned “thank you, I love it. I enjoy Reign slapping me to wake up, my heart just falls every time she says da, she knows I listen, so she says it. It’s amazing but I mean at first it was a mess. I wanted to ask; you know anything about Kellen? Has he said anything to you?” he gone so quiet recently “Tiffany has moved back to California, with the baby of course. His dad is helping him with the divorce, Tiffany refuses to let him see the baby” sucks to be him “if you speak to him then tell him he is needed in Tokyo, he said he wants work, I got it” Nalah looks a little shocked that I am offering such work.

I don’t really like being back at these places, it’s bad memories for me and I didn’t want to say it but it’s really making me think of my past. It’s horrible here, yes it helped but it was so painful, it destroyed my soul. I do understand what he is going through because I did, I don’t remember much but I remember being in pain, when I started to finally feel I felt like shit and now I am having to sit in this hell hole waiting on Malik “I am excited to see him” Nalah sat down saying “I’m not, I didn’t want to come because it’s bad memories” I admitted “I am sorry, it’s just that we can finally speak on things and his doctor said he was doing well, he is very quiet though. I just can’t wait to see him, to hug him” Nalah has that bond with him, I don’t “yeah” I dragged out, I don’t feel this. I am not feeling it at all and it is because it’s bringing me back bad memories, I would call friends to bring me drugs in rehab and then they found out and would sedate me again, it’s a mess and I didn’t want to be here to be thinking about that shit but here I am. The door opened “I told you, your siblings are here” dragging my eyes away, seeing Malik with bald ass head. He is so skinny “hey” he smiled as Nalah made her way to him “Malik didn’t believe you was both here, so he kept his, like he says. Jailhouse clothes on. I will give you all time” the doctor left the room “I am so happy to see you, oh my god. Look at you bald” Nalah touched the top of his head as she hugged him “oh god” she moved back “my brother, look at you” Malik looks very timid he just put his head “Maurice is here” turning my head, I don’t want to know to be honest until I felt a pair of arms just hug me “awww just like the good old days, Maurice hatred for your hugs” I am not going to lie, my heart dropped because that is him all over with them out of the blue hugs “I will sit down” he moved away from me, nodding my head moving up on the chair.

He has the worlds worst haircut, like who the fuck did that to him. Staring at him as he spoke to Nalah, she can speak all she wants. Dragging my eyes down to his hands, he has a bandage n on his wrist “what happened to your wrist?” I asked, he pulled down his sweatshirt arm “I heard about it, he slit his wrist didn’t you. Then he kept picking at his stitches” Nalah said, he laughed nervously “should learn to slit your wrist in the right place” I pointed at him “I tried” he said “I guess that is an effort” Nalah scoffed as my phone started to ring, getting my phone out of my pocket. Wonder what my dad wants, answering the call as I got up “hello” opening the door to speak out Pfizer the room “hey, what are you doing? I tried calling your work phone” closing the door behind “yeah, I left it at home. I am just seeing Malik, well Nalah is” which is true “that girl is too invested in him, let him rot there” I don’t know why but I didn’t like that “but you didn’t let me rot?” I questioned “you are worth it, anyways heard you are coming to Texas?” frowning “am I?” I am confused “yeah, Robyn text me. She said time to visit Texas, can we come. I mean of course” I am confused “she uhm, she never said?” I don’t understand where that came from “well she said it, tomorrow. For a night she said, well I am excited son. I will get the maids set with your room; I cannot wait for my little angel. Is she walking” first of all I am confused, and he is talking about his angel “uhm, I will have to let you know on that” I said “Robyn said it. She is the boss” I laughed “I like her to think that but anyways, I shall get back to you on that dad” I don’t know what Robyn is doing and what she is setting up “well I will see you tomorrow Maurice, I mean it. Bye” disconnecting the call still confused as ever, Robyn is texting my dad and not even warning me about it what the fuck she is doing.

Walking back into the room “I am sorry Maurice; can I speak to you without you saying for me to die?” sitting down on the seat “proceed” waving him off “I erm, messed up. I took it too far when you gave me a home, you wanted too help me, but I felt like I was in the way, dad told me to leave you alone. I shouldn’t live with you in Cali, and he harassed me to leave you be. He didn’t want me to be close to the company because I would ruin the image, so I turned to drugs and just like dad helped you, he never helped me and that hurt. And the voices in my head Maurice, I wanted to hurt you. I wasn’t me, because me. The brother you know loved you, I still do love you. I made a mistake Maurice. And when I think about what I did, what I could have done. I just want to not be here; I have nobody Maurice. I am not wanted by anything; I am lost, and nobody cared to ask me how I was. You never asked me how I was, you felt obliged to help me. Dad said you had no choice but to have me there, I didn’t think and from that night things got worse. People used me for who I was, and then Naomi. She approached me and helped me with drugs. I don’t know what happened to me, but I am sorry” Rubbing my chin just sighing out “Malik you know dad would never help you, just like mom wouldn’t help you because dad wouldn’t give her the money. You had me, you ruined that! You could have killed me, or my family. Robyn till this day does not hate you, I do! You ruined it, I had you with me because I wanted you, I never listened to dad, why would I? You think I am dad, you think I am him when I am not, because I care for both of you but you hurt me when you did that, forgive you for trying to kill my family?” shaking my head “you know what” I sighed out “I know what it’s like to feel death calling, I do. I know what it is like to be here. I don’t want that for you, I never did or do now. Dad will never do anything for you, he never would have now. Me” I pointed at myself “I helped you” Malik wiped his tears, remembering what Kiano said, how he felt, how he would do anything for his brother “I am not a bad guy, I’m not. I just wish you never did that, anything but that, I don’t care for Naomi, she has shit but just that” I drifted off.

The room is ever so silent “without you being stubborn what would make things better? Without you being an asshole” Nalah said, I need to get my Robyn mind on because I can’t think like I would and honestly I am not my dad “I want the best for you, I don’t know if anything would make it better. I don’t know really, what would Robyn do huh” leaning forward “she would forgive you, but I can’t right now. Dad doesn’t want to know, and that is the honest truth. You need to let that go, but at the end of the day” Malik sobbed out, I felt bad that he is crying about it, he sobbed out like a kid “listen, at the end of the day. What dad doesn’t want to give you, I will but you have to come out of this a better man. I can help you, and like I said, I am still hurt by that but I want you to come out of Rehab being the Malik I knew, the Malik that was happy for me when he found out about Robyn, the guy that was there for me, that called me and begged to use the car. Just my kid brother. If you can be that, you come out of this and I will help you, you work for yourself and maybe one day I can let it go but I need to see it” Nalah touched my arm “my brothers” I don’t want to forgive but then I am as bitter as my dad, I mean my dad hated Robyn and wanted shit for Robyn but I have him around “I can do that, I will stay here. I can be good, you was” Malik kept wiping his eyes “you was like a dad to me and I ruined it, if you can help me” he wailed out crying, I wish he wouldn’t because it’s a lot to hear because he is hurt.

I am glad to leave that place, a lot of emotions “thank you” I said to my driver as he held the door open for me, climbing into the back “did your little heart fall?” Nalah said, I blew out air as I got comfy in the back “I hate rehab, those places are bad vibes. I just want to get this right, I am not a bad guy. I am just hurt and yes I do have a side to me but like, I don’t want to be forgiving towards him, just like that. I just want Malik to know he has hurt me but to hear him wail out like that, its got to upset him. He treats Malik just like Adam, like he’s shit but I don’t understand why. He’s ok with you, then me but Malik. It’s like a big fat no, I get he is hurting but. If he can do that, I will help him. He has to stay clean though” shaking my head lightly “we can play mom and dad to him, he has seen a lot. Being the youngest he really got shit I guess, if we can work together we can get Malik in the right path together. I was scared that you wasn’t going to break too” Nalah said “I wasn’t but then he hugged me like he did, it reminded me of when I would come back from Spain he would attack me with a hug, I just had flashbacks to that. Rehab breaks you, and you can tell it is. It’s sad to see he was doing what he was doing to himself, as a parent that has to hurt dad but it doesn’t, I don’t get it” my phone started ringing in my pocket “I just want to proceed forward in life” it’s Robyn, answering the call “if it isn’t little miss sneaky, what the hell is this? Who is going Texas tomorrow?” I am confused on that “us, together” pulling a face laughing “why?” I asked “I thought why not, I just want to go. Are you coming or not?” I find this extremely weird “we are talking when you get back, how is work?” what on earth is this girl doing, talking about going Texas for what exactly.

[writinglionqueen]

Your SO Worried About You When You're Out On Injury

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Getting hurt in the ring wasn’t ideal. Tearing a lot of the muscles in your left shoulder was a pain in the ass. Being out of the ring for the next 6 to 9 months until you were all healed wasn’t what you wanted. Having to do the rehab day in and day out fucking sucked.

You knew why you had to do it. You knew why you had to do the same repetitive motions every single day. 

You needed to get better. You needed your arm healed so you can return to the ring...so you can return to Finn’s side. 

You got hurt. The injury reminiscent to your boyfriend's 2016 injury. Fate was cruel like that sometimes. 

But it all fucking sucked. 

You were in absolute agony half the time. The repetitive schedule of waking up at 6 a.m. and going through the same exact stretches and exercises made you feel tired of it all.

You just wanted one day -one day- for yourself. 

And that day was today. 

Your 6 a.m. alarm goes off making you groan and growl as you reached for the device. In your mind, you were tired. Tired of it all. 

A “fuck it” energy fell over you as you turned the alarm off and buried yourself under the covers. 

You weren’t getting out of bed at 6 a.m. today. There was no way you were going to rehab just to do the exact same thing as you did the day before. Sleep came easily since you were so exhausted from everything. 

But an hour later, your phone goes off. You reach for it fast, heart racing at being woken up with a start. It was the number for the rehab hospital. You ignored it. But it kept going off and they would just keep calling so you turned it off. 

A moment of peace fell over you at the notion that no one would bother you for the day. You went back to bed, staying asleep for a long, peaceful while. 

BANG! BANG! BANG!

That was until a pounding on your door jolted you awake. Someone was just banging on your front door as if there was a fire. It jolted you awake, heart rate quickening at the assertion of the person behind the door. 

BANG! BANG! BANG!

You practically ran out of your bedroom and to the front door. 

Opening it up, you weren’t expecting to see Finn of all people there. He was supposed to have a house show that night in another state. You were stunned.  

And he looked pissed. 

“Why didn’t ya go to rehab, today?” he asked you. The tone in his voice was something you’ve never heard come from Finn before. It was stern, telling you he was serious about the situation that had presented itself as a result of you not completing today’s rehab. It held an underlying anger that you never wanted to hear come from him ever again. “I get a call from the hospital sayin’ you weren’t in and you’re ignorin’ their calls. I even called you and you didn’t answer. I was worried sick.” 

And what were you to do with all the pent up exhaustion and frustration from the past months of not being able to get in the ring already? What is there to do when every day felt like torture ladled with agony and depression as you awaited the moment the doctors cleared you to go back to the ring?

You just wanted one day. One day. 

You began to cry, a whimper starting it out. Sobs shook you while hot tears trailed your face. 

Finn’s angry façade fades away as he pulls you into his chest so you can cry there. He cards his fingers across your scalp, trying to comfort you while you cried. 

“I’m sorry,” you whimpered to him. “I just-I just wanted a-a day for myself.” He shushed you, squeezing you tighter to him. 

“No, I’m sorry for being angry about it,” he murmured to you. “I know how it feels. I get it.” You said nothing as you pressed your face into his chest, inhaling the cologne he wore. You continued to whimper into his chest until your cries subsided. Finn kissed your forehead. “Yeah, I get it,” he whispered quietly. He pulled away from you, looking down into your puffy eyes. “Why don’t we go lay down and watch movies for the rest of the day?”

“Don’t...don’t you have a house show tonight?” you asked, worried. He smiled at you, thumbing away the wetness still permeating on your cheeks. 

“I told them I needed the night off to figure out why the love of my life didn’t attend their daily rehab session,” he answered you. “So, no. I have the rest of the day off to spend with you.” 

You smiled up at him. He gave you a smile back leaning down to kiss you. 

“I’m not one for doing this kinda thing,” he said to you. “But I think one day off wouldn’t kill anything.” You nodded. “You’re gonna call the hospital and apologize for it, though.” you groaned quietly. “Hey, none of that. This was your doing. You’re gonna apologize.” You nodded. 

“Ok,” you murmured. “But we’re gonna watch movies, right? All day.” He smiled. 

“Yeah, just one day though,” he said to you. 

One day.