#rekt! roasted! lmao

[japhan2024]

"I'm Spencer Agnew, and the one time I smoked weed, I decided to make Sword AF audio only"

[toomuchracket]

Matty’s mom roasting him on her insta story for his birthday is killing me. She doesn’t know it yet, but I’m claiming her as my mother in law. Ha

denise is a real one... yeah she said some weird shit about covid lockdowns (and there's slightly understandable reasons why considering her dad was in a care home and died), but aside from that? legend. i actually kind of stanned her already when i discovered the band - that sounds insane, but i was thirteen and i'd watched waterloo road (like every other schoolkid in the uk) and she's iconic in it. that and my gran watched loose women lmao. but honestly, obsessed with her just exposing and judging matty on main all the time. remember when both she and tim were talking on twitter about how matty couldn't hold a job when he was younger? i was screaming. they really said get rekt

also someone returned her autobiography to my work (library) today and i read a bit. the woman literally went through 42 hours of labour so we could be delusional about her son on this website. everybody say thank u denise bc holy shit <3

[succmysammich]

Okay, but why does Lucius Malfoy look like Barbie having a mid-life crisis in the UK circa 1895?

[spacesunflcwer]

reasons why i love pride & prejudice, specifically the 1995 adaptation

(ok when i started this i was going for a list of reasons but it ended up more like live commentary of the series oops)

it's so accurate???!? i read the book for the first time after having seen the miniseries like 4 times and i was stunned by how identical the dialogue was

"oH mr bEnNEt"

literally all of mr and mrs bennet's dialogue is hilarious. she's such a drama queen and he's just there like please shut up but also sassy

mr darcy at the first ball is literally like a socially awkward emo teenager who hates everything whose mum (mr bingley) is encouraging to be more social and make friends lmao

when mr darcy compliments lizzy's eyes to miss bingley and she's so offended..... she's like wtf fitzwilliam how dare you appreciate a peasant??!?

elizabeth "i promise i shall never dance with [mr darcy]" bennet hahaha think again lizzy

when jane gets invited by miss bingley and mrs bennet is like go on horseback because it looks like raining so you'll spend the night lmao this woman is ready to do anything to see her daughters married huh

all the awkward encounters between elizabeth and darcy when she goes to netherfield like when she walks into the biliard room and they just stare at each other until she leaves lmao

that scene when they're all in the drawing room and miss bingley is like let's go for a walk around the room to refresh ourselves lmao people in the 19th century were really bored huh

the amount of tension between lizzy and darcy when they have that conversation about pride sksksksks

mrs bennet sure knows how to throw shade (at darcy) lmao

MR COLLINS

i really dislike him because he's so annoying but he's also so stupid and full of himself in a funny way it's hilarious i love it lmao

i literally lose it every time he mentions lady catherine de bourgh which is A LOT

just the tone in his voice when he says is so funny to me

for real why didn't mr collins go for mary she's literally the female equivalent of him like.....

oh wait i know why misogyny lmao

you know, i'm not going to talk about wickham because fuck him

the netherfield ball!!!!!

when miss bingley goes up to lizzy to diss wickham and lizzy looks so ready to cut a bitch lmao

when mr collins goes up to darcy to talk about lady catherine and lizzy and jane are like oh god oh fuck someone stop him shit it's too late and then darcy is like *read at 7:39pm* ajsnsjsks

ok but when mrs hurst goes and plays the piano that was amazing i don't like her but that was really good

mr collins's proposal. just. when he's like "let me tell you the reasons why i want to marry. and then the reasons why i want to marry you specifically" like pull out a whole powerpoint presentation why don't you

oh and OF COURSE lady catherine de bourgh is amongst the reasons ("that should have been the first reason actually")

when lizzy says no for like the second time and he's like "ah but a lot of times women refuse when they really mean to accept" unfortunately not much has changed in the way of men has it, no means no!!!

"if you do not accept his proposal, your mother will never see you again. and if you do accept his proposal, i will never see you again" i'd forgotten how much i love mr bennet he's so great

when lizzy finds out he proposed to charlotte and charlotte accepted and she's like BITCH WHAT THE FUCK

literally fuck miss bingley what a bitch. let jane be happy!!! fuck you

oh my g o d when they go to visit charlotte and mr collins and he starts going on about the STAIRS and how their steepness is ideal and the closet in lizzy's and how lady catherine suggested they put shelves in and cOuSiN eLIzAbEth LoOk hOw prAcTicAL iT iS laDy cAthEriNe tHinKs oF evErYtHinG shE's sO gOod tO uS

lmao when charlotte is like yeah i like my life most days we barely even see each other

when they go to rosings park and mr collins won't shut up about the 64 windows of the house and how amazing they are

lmao when lady catherine asks lizzy something and then turns away and lizzy CONTINUES TALKING and lady catherine just turns slowly like bitch wtf did i allow you to keep talking

when darcy won't stop STARING AT HER (because he's so in love) and she's there like wtf

the scene at the piano omg the amount of romantic tension between them and the staring at each other again god help me i love them so much

lmfao when mr darcy randomly visits lizzy and just sits with her for like 5 minutes and then gets up and leaves mood tbh

i will never get tired of the love confession scene tbh he goes in and literally walks around the room sits down gets up walks around some more for like 5 minutes before he finally starts talking

"in vain i have struggled. it will not do. my feelings will not be repressed. you must allow me to tell you how ardently i admire and love you."

and then elizabeth is like bitch what the fuck and pulls out a 40 slide powerpoint on why she could never love him

which was completely justified of her btw. darcy was a dick back then

the sequence at the beginning of ep4 when they're both having flashbacks to what the other said lol

also when lizzy has those flashbacks where darcy's full face just randomly appears out of nowhere like a ghost yeah what the fuck was up with that it’s SO WEIRD

when they go dine at rosings for the last time and lizzy is full on sarcasm about how oh so sad she is to be leaving and oh so grateful to lady catherine and mr collins loses his shit because he thinks she's being serious lmao

honestly though when she's all dramatic about darcy to maria but without actually saying anything and maria is just like ok wtf but whatever i guess, and then she does that again to her aunt and uncle when they're at pemberley and she's all like wE hAvE tO LeAVe nOw and they're just there like ummm ok?? what just happened here. i mean this is a thing that she does frequently and idk i'm wondering how her general acquaintance feel about it. like every once in a while she'll go all dramatic and everyone is like oh there goes lizzy dramatising her life and not explaining anything to anyone, again

lmao when maria tells her she's been packing and unpacking all night and lizzy tells her she can pack it however she wants and lady catherine will never know. like yes maria you are a strong independent woman and can pack your suitcase however you please

when lydia gets invited to brighton oh noooooooooooooo

time for kitty to develop her own personality i guess lol

i will never get tired of elizabeth only deciding to go to pemberley because she's 100% she won't run into darcy and then she does

also when they're staring at the house and she's like damn that is a nice ass house

i love how bad the paintings of darcy inside the house are because everyone is look how beautiful he is! and what a realistic painting this is! and then they show it and you laugh at loud because that shit is UGLY and nowhere near like colin firth

i still don't understand why darcy jumped in that pond. was it because he was trying to clear his head to not think about elizabeth? was this something he did regularly on his way home?

on that note, if he did it to forget about elizabeth it was pretty unfortunate for him that he literally ran into her 5 seconds later lol

HIS LACK OF SOCIAL SKILLS NEVER CEASE TO AMUSE ME

"are your parents well?" "yes" *1min later* "and your parents? are they well? and your sisters?" and ofc lizzy laughs at him

ok what i still don't understand is how when darcy returns suddenly he's all smooth and talkative and keeps the conversation well and alive and just what?? he went from 0 to 100 real quick in terms of social skills and i Do Not Understand

omg the next day when him and bingley and georgiana go the inn to meet her and bingley starts talking to her and he's so HAPPY AND EXCITED and i love how he goes "yes we haven't seen each other since we danced at netherfield on the 26th of november". boy's been counting the days since he last saw jane and i love it. he's so in love

on that note of so in love, the way the scene immediately switches to show us darcy staring at elizabeth while she plays the piano with full-on HEART EYES ahhh i'm so soft for them

and then that BITCH caroline goes and mentions wickham and darcy panics because his sister is right there elizabeth IMMEDIATELY sees and knows and goes back to georgiana to help her and changes the subject

i really think darcy fell even more in love with her when he saw how well her and his sister got along, and how much she cared for georgiana, because he probably could never love anyone who didn't seeing how important georgiana is to him

and then it just shows elizabeth and darcy staring at each other like this 💘💖💗💖💕💗💖💘💖💘 total heart eyes

when caroline basically roasts him for being in love with liking elizabeth and he just snaps at her and says she's the most beautiful woman he knows GET REKT CAROLINE

omg when lizzy gets jane's letter and is really upset and he tries his best to comfort her ahh my heart

"i will never see him again" YES LIZZY YOU WILL

mrs bennet's worst case scenarios... convinced mr bennet's going to fight wickham and wickham will kill him lmao

you know I WONDER where lizzy gets her dramatic airs from

when mr collins shows up and is all basically throwing shade at them and lizzy is just like ok then if we're so bad how about you leave so you don't have to be around us for any longer

like yes lizzy drag him!!!!

when they show us lydia and wickham in london and you can see wickham starting to get pissed off at lydia... looking like he's regretting all his life choices

which he should, btw. he made terrible life choices and they’re literally all his fault

when everything is (sort of) resolved and mrs bennet is like i knew everything would turn out well in the end! yeah SURE you did

when lydia and wickham come back and you can tell lizzy is so ready to fight

when lydia spoils that it was darcy who helped them and lizzy is like mr darcy?? did you just say mr darcy????

oh yeah also darcy taking all the blame for all that happened and insisting to pay for everything... i love one (1) wholesome responsible man

jk i love two (2) wholesome men because bingley

mr bingley and mr darcy came back to netherfield!!!!!!!!!

when they go to longbourn and darcy and lizzy just stare at each other the whole time. again

when darcy finally tells bingley he purposefully kept him and jane apart and admits that it was completely wrong of him. GROWTH

bingley still asks for darcy's blessing & darcy tells him he shouldn't need it & bingley replies that he would still rather have it. WE STAN A WHOLESOME & SUPPORTIVE MALE FRIENDSHIP

and then bingley just sprints to longbourn to propose to jane when most of them have barely woken up lmao

the scene when they're all sitting in the drawing room and mrs bennet is trying to get them to leave so it's just bingley and jane is so AWKWARD and funny lmao

"mama, why did you just wink at me??" "why would i wink at you kitty"

"actually now you mention it i need to talk to you about something UPSTAIRS!"

and then jane is happy :) finally :) jane deserves ALL the happiness :)

when lady catherine randomly shows up and just starts insulting their poverty lmao

while lizzy, kitty, and mrs bennet just stand there awkwardly

"your hall is too small" "so you call this a drawing room" "your west facing windows must be awful in the summer" ok boomer

and then proceeds to lose her shit at elizabeth while elizabeth just stands there

"he is a gentleman and i am a gentleman's daughter. we are equals" YOU TELL HER ELIZABETH

and then tells her she doesn't owe her anything which is just 19th century equivalent of go fuck yourself bitch

that whole scene was a big fuck you lady catherine de bourgh

and is probably one of the most iconic scenes in the show

when mr bennet calls up lizzy about how he's heard rumours that she's to be engaged to darcy and just finds it so funny and lizzy is just there like hahahahaha yeah that would be hilarious wouldn't it when she's probably just dying inside because darcy!!!! love of her life!!!!

no offense but the part when they go for a walk and confess their love to one another among other things is literally one of my favourite things ever

apart maybe from the piano heart eyes scene

it's just so soft

when he says he hates himself for the things he said the first time he proposed and can't believe that was thing

and that he's eternally grateful to her because he doesn't think he would ever have changed if it hadn't been for her

on that note, gotta appreciate the fact that this isn't one of those stories where girl meets guy who's a dick, girl proceeds to change dick guy into a nice guy. no, lizzy did not change him herself, and she literally refused to be around him for as long as he was rude and selfish and everything she stood against. he himself decided to change, yes because of her, because he loved her and wanted her to love him back, but ultimately he did all the necessary changes to his character by himself. and only then, only then did lizzy properly start loving him. so yeah, here's more proof of why pride & prejudice is one of the best and one of my favourite love stories :)

oh yeah also, about how darcy wanted her to love him back ; “one word from you will silence me forever” yes he was openly grateful to her for everything BUT he was also 100% ready to shut up and leave her alone and accept it if she said no again. because he is A GOOD WHOLESOME MAN WHO RESPECTS WOMEN AND KNOWS THAT NO MEANS NO YES I'M LOOKING AT YOU MR COLLINS GET ON DARCY'S LEVEL

anyway yes i love mr darcy A LOT

but seriously i have such high standards for men and for any future relationships i may be in because of p&p and mr darcy specifically lmao

anyway going back yes i love that scene it is precious

they're so in love and the way they look at each other is so soft and ugh i love them so much

"dearest, loveliest elizabeth"

my heart :,)

i can't believe they're not even holding hands in that scene

and then when mr bennet finds out he proposed to him and he's like bitch what the fuck because darcy??? this guy??? seriously???

as was jane, by the way

anyway wedding time!!!!!

"join this man, and this woman... and this man, and this woman"

we love a double wedding of the two best and most wholesome couples

lmao caroline and georgiana's faces at the wedding. fuck you too :)

when they walk out and they're so happy!!!!!! their smiles!!!!! aaaaahsjskssjajanj

for real colin firth's big smile in that scene is just,, precious,,

and then they kissed :)

ngl, one of the things i wish would have been included in the miniseries is the epilogue from the book... i loved it it was so happy and wholesome

anyway i love this book and this story and the 1995 miniseries and i need to reread the book

oh and also, the music in the miniseries is really good!! the theme song is literally perfect i love it so much

so yeah i love pride & prejudice :,) thank you jane austen for giving us this beautiful beautiful story

💖💖💖💘💘💘💗💗💗💕💕💕

[enemyofrome]

here's my idea for a very relatable post: "TFW you're still recovering from being absolutely obliterated at Trebia and then some punk ass callipygian twink manages to pull off the largest ambush in military history AND invent the strategic turning movement resulting you losing literally over ten times the Carthaginian losses lmao get REKT Gaius Flaminius you just got ROASTED #LakeTrasiMEME"

also since you sent this to me and i’m publishing this ask it is MY relatable post now

[whatthefloof]

So today my mom was looking out the window to the backyard, and she suddenly said “We have a snake in the back.” And I responded with “Oh shit, I didn’t know there were people from school in my backyard.”

HA I’M GR8 M8

[jikook-love]

hi ami, i've been a bts for maybe a year but i just noticed something and i wanna ask if someone with more experience would agree. do you have a feeling that bts is being treated somehow weirdly? like not in a rude way but idk? i mean mostly interviews (knowing bros felt weird af) but also other idols when they are together on stage? like bts really blew up and no one was expecting it so now no one knows how to act around them, esp after the first billboard win. what do you think?

yeah, just to distract ourselves from all the al;kdfjaskldfjsdflksjdfksjfk right now (though idk if you want to even hear this lmao because HULLO THEYRE UNDRESSING EACH OTHER ONSTAGE LIKE PROPHECY FORETOLD) but you know what i’ve been meaning to answer this for awhile just haven’t gotten the chance to grab my laptop XD

so because i’ve been in the kpop fandom for a long time more or less and my ultimate stan group is super junior (who are very into variety and run the business as idols pretty much lol). i don’t think it’s that they’re super famous because i think everyone expected it to happen at some point to some kpop group, because that’s all kpop companies ever aim for so the industry has been prepared for years. i think the answer is pretty obvious: 

bts are given different treatment on shows because of their large and often oversensitive fandom

bts is not a group “trained” in variety persay in the typical sense. they didn’t really go on variety shows earlier and focus more on their music which totally makes sense. ofc, that doesn’t mean their own variety shows aren’t hilarious and i follow them to a tee. but that’s because we genuinely enjoy their personalities and watch it for them. actual korean variety shows are quite different.

the humour can be quite harsh. some shows do it better than others and some comedians are just wittier than others. that’s why early bts experience with these shows weren’t so great. it’s a certain kind of back and forth with a little sass taking into account the actual person’s personality, but more often than not, it’s actually scripted and planned, also very very well edited. 

knowing bros felt weirder, and i sensed it too. why? because they were being so much nicer than usual. no member was really being insulted and if they were it was all edited out. i thought it was a huge giveaway when they announced at the beginning “we’re gonna be fair with BTS. treat them like we treat everyone else and cut them no slack!” after which they obviously didn’t. so ofc, when everyone has the kind of tiptoe around, it feels a little more awkward than normal, especially with the kind of atmosphere knowing bros usually is where all the guests get roasted at some point or another (and it makes it hilarious cause it’s actually very witty). 

and i know that most fandom members are thinking: WUT NO. WE CAN TOTALLY TAKE IT. ROAST BTS I ROASTED JEON’S COCOUT HAIR EERDAY IT EXISTED, but nah. i doubt it XD i mean even now there’s tension and differing opinions between fandom members with inside jokes within the group itself e.g. ranking jimin last in terms of looks or calling hoseok a horse or calling v an alien...etc. etc. so as a famous variety show with high ratings, i don’t really want these vicious ppl coming after me just because i didn’t really know where to draw the line. so it’s better safe than sorry XD add a few jibes about their dating life, bring up one or two inside jokes to show you did the research and call it a day ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

you get the gist XD

that being said i still want them to go on super tv so badly at some poitn because that shiet is lit and they better get rekt

[localmagicalboi]

heres my roast: youre literally the best ever lmao get rekt loser

✨ @1053l2 im reporting u to the tumblr copz.

THX. i cannot believe u’d say this 2 me. today. tonight. on this evening. to my Face ,

[antimnemonic]

i had this dream rn. i was this roguish sea captain, and this king contracted me to escort his daughter (the princess) home, along with this doctor dude who was carrying some rare medicine for the king. being handsome and butch i was constantly shaking things at the princess to get her to leave me alone and not get me into trouble (u kno what i mean lmao)

so chatting with the doctor dude we found out some stuff about the medicine he was carrying. it was a golden powder made from dragons, which were also p rare and hadn't been seen in a long time. if ingested by month it would restore vitality but if it made contact with ya blood it would have. dangerous effects.

anyways obviously, at some point we get attacked by another ship of dudes, who are here for the doctor. obvs im like "nah" and we get swashbucklin'. i get rekt cuz the other guys have like, actual magic and monsters and stuff. please leave my boat alone.

they're taking the doctor away but at some point, the princess managed to pickpocket away the little medicine baggie. she slices her palm open and throws some of the powder into her wound, and we find out what those dangerous effects from earlier were-- that stuff turns people into dragons. so she morphs into a big pink wing lizard, roasts and eats a bunch of people, and takes a nap on the top deck (in this setting dragons sleep A LOT, i guess)

we eventually got to the castle and handed over the doctor and overly affectionate sunbathing lizard daughter. she would eventually change back but for the time being it was like hmmm sorry dude lmao. HEY AT LEAST SHE'S ALIVE RIGHT???

anyways my reward for all this bs was a bunch of seeds. they grew into some big ass water lilies. idgi. that's dreams for u i guess

[why-is-glieric]

4-in-1 post because I’m TRASH

Hi I haven’t done the posts I was supposed to in a Whole month, so here 👏 are 👏 the 👏 chapters 👏 feel free to roast me for missing out on 3 weeks’ worth of posts. Not that I have proof that anyone actually relies on this blog for when I update this fic LMAO get rekt, me

[shadowtearling]

I FINISHED THE FIRST BOOK IM CRYING

like I only read the first book? but the queens guard are my boys. they are literally my boys. i love my boys. they're all so badass? like its so amazing and id lowkey be attracted to all of them if they weren't all like 40 lmao,,, bUT THE FETCH. WHAT A BABE.

AND KELSEA. MY GIRL. the amount of roasts she does im this book literally set me on fire, bless her. she's such a queen!! literally!! the characters and the setting and the plot all felt so real and these people actually felt like my boys??? (and girls). i want to cry; im so scared to finish this series because it'll all end. and the end of "Thomas raleigh's fate" was pure genius and gave me chills. bless johansen omg

IM YELLIGN THESE ARE ALL MY SAME FEELINGS!!!! The Queen’s Guard is literally the best FOUND FAmILY EVER and I LOVE THEM ALL SO MUCh (& i would totally also be into them if they were younger, Pen is the only one at a reasonable age lmao) & THE FETCH BRUUUHH & KELSEA LITERALLY IS AN ACTUAL QUEEN (she obliterates the Arvath like GET REKT FATHER SHE GOT NO TIME FOR YO BS) johansen did such a good job with her characters that i love them all i just can’t belieb!!! this series is my lifeline 

[empressofnothing]

me: snape is my favorite character of all time snape: gets roasted by harry, gets set on fire, is knocked out, dies me: lmao get rekt