#renegadessys

[waltwhitmansbeard]

(pretend i'm sending this from my fic sideblog) for the hospital prompts: 15, "I'm gonna die here", vaxleth (or alternatively vex & vax)

15. "I'm gonna die here." let's put this in grow with the flow!

It isn't until this very moment that Vax realizes that they don't have a clock in their apartment. He's sitting on the edge of the bed, staring straight forward, wishing that there was some kind of steady ticking that he could match his breaths to, but instead there is only the uneven purring of the oblivious cat on his pillow and the erratic rhythm of the dryer, her jeans and his t-shirts and their socks twirling around in a dance that smells like lavender and home. He sits, and he waits, and she paces, back and forth, back and forth, nowhere to go, really, not in their studio crammed with plants and a podcasting setup.

Their studio. Hardly enough room for the two of them (and yet always the perfect amount, the way their lives have slotted together like fingers of two hands), always tripping over shoes or trowels or cat toys, and what, is there just gonna be another person now? More clothes, more furniture, more food? (All small. So very small.) They can't afford that, not with rent prices and the job market being what it is. This is the nightmare scenario, in more ways that one.

(A nightmare, because he feels it, distant and haunting, the ghost he didn't realize was just behind him in the mirror. The want. He watches her pace, arms tight across her chest, and imagines what she might look like in two months, five, nine, and he wants the mess and the stress and the blooming love, quick and tenacious, like a wildflower sprouting up from a crack in the sidewalk. It is a sharp shock to the system, to want so acutely something, to know that whatever happens in these next endless minutes, heartbreak is waiting for him, the monster in the dark.)

"I'm gonna die here."

Her quiet voice pulls him out of his thoughts. He forces himself to smile. "You're being dramatic."

She does not find him amusing. "The waiting is going to kill me."

He should ask her. It isn't until this very moment that he realizes that they haven't actually talked about it, what they're hoping for, what they're afraid of. There is every chance that they are not on the same page on this, and now the want is curdling, souring on the edges with fear and doubt. He should ask her, but his tongue is thick, heavy, and so he just stares as she paces, back and forth, back and forth.

When the alarm on her phone goes off, they both jump as if they'd been shot. She comes to a standstill, arms still crossed, and they stare at each other from across the apartment. One of them has to move first.

He stands. He walks to the desk, even though she's closer, and looks down. She breathes in sharply, as if just the act of looking at it has determined something that wasn't already true.

Oh.

"You're not pregnant."

The words hang in the air, swollen clouds before a storm. He stares at it, at the words—he didn't know these things had actual words now, almost wishes he had that moment of confusion, of trying to interpret the faint lines—and reads them, over and over and over.

The sidewalk flower of want stretches up higher, twists its stem around his throat and chokes him.

He looks up at her, and the expression on her face is staggering. Her eyes are wider than he's ever seen them, glittering with a wave of tears teetering on the precipice of spilling down her frozen cheeks. He jolts forward, collecting her trembling limbs into his arms just as she lets go, a shocked sob ripping from her chest.

"I—I'm sorry," she half-whispers, half-shouts, her face buried into the crook of his neck. Her tears are hot, slipping down his skin into his t-shirt. "I—didn't think—"

"Shhh." He strokes her hair down her back, presses his cheek into the side of her head. "Me neither. Me neither." And though their hearts are breaking, there is relief in knowing that they were on the same page, after all.

When her shaking subsides, he gently pulls her head away, a hand on each cheek, to look her right in the eyes. "Now we know, yeah?" She sniffs. "Now we know we want it. And maybe now isn't the right time. Maybe it wasn't meant to be today. But I love you, and I want a family with you, and I know we're going to make it happen, okay?" She nods. "Tell me you believe it."

"I believe it," she whispers, and he kisses her to seal the deal.

[essayofthoughts]

you've presented me with the opportunity to talk about how much I love both Ghost Cass AND the Delia AU (even though I am Not caught up on ghost cass ;w;) so! you've obviously touched on a lot of pre-campaign stuff for the ghost cass fic - do you have any specific lore bits that you took and ran with in a way that you really enjoyed/are proud of? and in the Delia AU, I don't know how much you've thought about this, but considering that Percy's aware Cass is out there, what thoughts on her reaction to Delia do you have that goes deeper than just anger and fear on Percy's behalf, if any?

Distract me from feeling like shit with Q's about my WIPs

Aw, I'm glad you like those so much! And fwiw, I am nowhere near done on the next arc of Ghost Cass, you have months in which to catch up.

Re: Ghost Cass

I'm assuming you mean lore from canon here, but developing out Loran the Bear was a lot of fun! All we know about him from the stream is that he ran into VM a few times on a few pre-stream jobs; we get a bit more in the comics but the comics' accuracy to actual events... I would say is speculative. Much as with Ghost Cass, you have to tweak things, add things and remove things, move things around, in order to make a coherent story, so while the comics are fun, I take them with a large pinch of salt.

And that let me build Loran out a bit. Figure out the kind of person he might have been, who he could have travelled with for jobs, how he and VM knew each other - that kind of thing.

That's also tied to the other thing I had a lot of fun with pre-stream which is just... the kids? Because the missing kids are a slow but persistent part of the general pre-stream events; they're the main questline even if it fades in and out of focus. Writing those kids, writing about them, writing their friends who miss them and worry - I really wanted to show the impact these missing children have on their families, their community. It's not just missing children, it's this whole weight of grief and loss that hits many - and that's before we get to the missing, traumatised children themselves!

And that in turn opened up a lot of opportunities to show characterisation. Percy likely grew up with a large extended family, he's probably capable enough with children - but he's also recovering from trauma and dissociation, so his first reaction to having to deal with kids after all that is "AAAAHH". Meanwhile Keyleth and Vax who care so much, wearing their hearts utterly on their sleeves, are immediately invested and caring. And Vex too cares more than she might initially seem to - because she too was captured and taken and had to fight her way home. She prioritises the money they need to live, but she too understands and feels the need to get those children safe if they can. And in turn, all of these things allow the characters to bond and open up to each other, and to set up groundwork for later events. So much of the pre-stream Arc is set up for later, and I can't wait for the payoff.

Re: Delia AU

Oh I know exactly what Cass' reaction to finding about Delia are - because Percy knows that Cass is alive, or at least was when Ripley wrote that entry, but Cass has no idea that Percy is still alive - she's assuming he's dead. That will hold true up until she hears from Yennen that Percy is alive (she in no way believes the Briarwoods, liars as they are), and Yennen by that point has been working with Percy to keep the people of Whitestone safe - Percy does everything in his power to prevent uprisings because he's aware that every dead body is a new one for the ziggurat and a new one for Delilah's undead army. He fights to keep the peace and he does that in coalition with Yennen, Gertie and a few others in town - and these people all come to realise, one way or another, that the only thing keeping him sane and focussed, the one thing that he will truly kill for... is Delia.

So Yennen does not tell Cass of Delia's existence, because keeping Delia safe is one of Percy's primary driving forces.

So uh. Cass' initial response is pure shock, that Percy has a child, that this child seems to resemble Ripley, that (from what Percy says) this child is Ripley's, and yes this means their family isn't eradicated but it also means that Ripley is a part of their family, the family that she killed and uh...

Cass is extremely traumatised. She's scared and she's angry, and she hates Ripley especially much, for betraying them after working for them for so long, for betraying and lying to Percy, for (she thinks for a long time) killing Percy, and then when she learns of Delia's existence, what she assumes has to have happened for Delia to exist and Percy to be perfectly on board with Operation Get Rid of Ripley and The Briarwoods nonetheless.

And... she can't hate Percy for surviving. She thought he was dead, what she feels most of all is relief-

But what the fuck does she feel about Delia? Her brother's daughter, yes. Her niece. A continuation of the family she thought dead and gone.

But also Ripley's child. And a child still young enough that... who knows how they'll turn out? How much like Ripley might she be? And with how much Percy cares about this child, his daughter - how much hurt might that cause Percy, if Delia turns out to be awful, like her mother?

And Percy, she learns, was trapped by Ripley. Lied to and used by Ripley. Delia was a part of Ripley's plan to do that - and look at how Percy dotes on Delia! Look at how Percy refuses to kill Ripley to try to save Delia the grief of losing her mother! The plan worked!

So uh... yeah, Cass displaces a lot of anger and betrayal and grief onto Delia for a while. This is both understandable and fucked up at once, and Percy and she have some very terse, angry conversations about it before the twins step in to have a conversation with Cass.

After all, the twins know what it's like to be a bastard child born in unfortunate circumstances to a noble and someone of a lower class. The fact that Percy loves his daughter so openly and without reserve is a huge help to them dealing with Syldor's bullshit. Cass acting like that about Delia... kind of reminds them uncomfortably of Syldor's bullshit.

(Cass hates being compared to Syldor - she knows the twins well, better than she does anyone else in the group, she met them first. Being compared to their father stings. They're not wrong, though.)

So. Cass does eventually process some of her upset and ends up becoming a good aunt to Delia - as Delia gets older too, she starts seeing what some around them mention, just how much Delia resembles her father not just in looks but in behaviour (after all, he Percy is the primary parental influence in Delia's life) - but it is not an easy start. It is, in fact, extremely rough for everyone.

(Delia at least gets very simple, direct comfort from Percy. "Your aunt is being an idiot," he says. "She's not thinking clearly, she's just feeling. You can ignore her until she sees sense."

(She also gets hugs on a regular basis - Percy's family when he was growing up may not have touched often, but Percy clings to what family he has left and he never, ever wants Delia to feel unloved.)

[adultkincalls]

Hiiii we are a system and we are in hyperfixation mode SO! We are doing a collective canon call for anyone with into/across the spiderverse kins/fictives! Either is fine, we are spiritual fictives so do have memories/past lives. Our most prominent fictives are Miles Morales and Hobie Brown, but we have several others as well as our partner system having a bunch of other ones. We know our canonmates so tbh this is mostly just to find sourcemates to hang out with (I hope that's okay 😭😭 feel free to delete if not!)

We are bodily 22 and do not mind doubles in the slightest! Feel free to dm us anytime :3

❣️

[bonethievery]

happy birthday you gay piece of shit (affectionate)

SBSLDHRJDN TY GUYS

[renegadesfic]

Back on my bullshit.

THIS is my first attempt at a Reverse: 1999 longfic. Basic premise: Vertin, somehow, manages to travel back to the beginning of her time in Chicago. She reunites with Schneider, only to find that she doesn't remember her... but she is willing to negotiate.

I am singlehandedly un-dooming this yuri.

[renegadessys]

I don't have the energy to properly format this on my fic blog (and I am also on mobile) but here is the link to the gratuitous Verneider smut I wrote last night at like 3am for the people in the tags who are into that stuff lol.

[antifa-terra]

Well, recently... :3c Come Out Ye Black and Tans Our Lady of Sorrows Dust Bowl Dance Unravel Red Like Roses Part II

rules: 🎧🎵 when you get this, you have to put in 5 songs you actually listen to at the moment. Then tag 5-10 followers to do the same 🎵🎧

tagged by @uuuuutan

No pressure, obvs. And, recently... :3c Come Out Ye Black and Tans Our Lady of Sorrows Dust Bowl Dance Unravel Red Like Roses Part II

@laurie-juspeczyk @liam-zor-el @renegadessys @emma-d-klutz Songbee, I ~was~ going to tag you, but then I saw you'd tagged uuutan and I didn't want to double tag anyone.

[waltwhitmansbeard]

🥺 pikelan and 3 "sharing something personal" on the trust prompts?

3. sharing something personal now that gocmh is finally finished i am tackling all the prompts in my askbox! this is late c1, where things happen so quickly and in such rapid succession that i can't remember exactly how things go so just fit it in somewhere ig.

Scanlan knows he's earned this. Not Vax's easy welcome back or Vex's begrudging acceptance—those are beyond what he deserves, kindnesses he'll never be able to repay. No, Grog's silence, Pike's cold shoulder, those are a fitting response to his slinking back to Whitestone, tail between his legs. He doesn't know if it was better or worse to arrive in disguise. Probably worse. He usually just makes things worse.

But if he's spent the last year learning one thing, it's that you can't just let the shit you broke stay broken. And if he's spent it learning a second thing, it's that you have to seize that opportunities that come your way. So when he finds himself with a few minutes of quiet, here on their hurtling journey toward the end of the world, he finds Pike, asks her to talk.

The way her arms are crossed, her jaw set at a crushing angle, it doesn't seem much like she's in the mood to say anything, so he starts. "I just...y'know...wanted to check in. See if everything is...copacetic."

"Copacetic." The word sounds acidic on her tongue. "Right."

"You know. Big stuff happening. Gotta make sure we're all...on the same page."

She cocks her head to the side. She doesn't get mad often, Pike, but when she does, Scanlan can't help but be reminded of the way his mother would scowl at him, tired and disappointed. "Sure. Yeah. Same page. Can I go now?"

"I just...I know we've talked, a little. I mean, not really." Gods, his palms are sweaty. "I just hope you know that it wasn't you. None of it was you."

There's a shifting in her eyes at that, and Scanlan wishes he could rewind this last second and a half to watch it, over and over and over. She opens her mouth, closes it, opens it again, closes it again. Pike has always been so good at choosing her words carefully, but this is a level of conscientiousness that Scanlan isn't used to. "Do you know how many times you told me that you loved me, Scanlan?"

He is a boy. Just a small, stupid, frivolous little boy. "No. A lot."

"Yeah. A lot. And the thing is...when someone tells you something like that? Over and over? Even when you don't particularly wanna hear it?" She shrugs. "You start to believe it." Her eyes pierce into his, icy and infinite. "Joke's on me, I guess."

A thousand sentences start and die on his tongue—it wasn't a joke, I do love you, I was incapable of love, I'm sorry, if only I could take it back—but he just stares at her, his stomach sinking like a stone in water. He knows that he needs to say something, but what? What is he going to say, silver-tongued bard that he is, that fixes this?

She doesn't give him the chance to figure it out. She spins on her heel, storms off without a backward glance. She leaves him, cold and small, and as he watches her go, he can only hope that the end of the world waits long enough for him to put back the shattered pieces of his life before obliterating them for good.

[essayofthoughts]

🦋🕯️💌 for the emoji ask game!

🦋what are you most insecure about when you post a fic?

Not really insecure about anything these days? I've posted a truly absurd amount of fic and my previous fandoms include Harry Potter (TERF author can go rot) and MCU (... character roundabouts abound and the tonky stans refuse to admit it) so ... fandoms don't scare me much, I'm liberal with the block and delete buttons and I'm pretty confident in my own writing ability and general standing as a fanfic author.

I think the only thing I tend to worry about is my tags? I always either miss something, or tag something in a slightly weird way there's probably something better for. If you ever notice a fic of mine that could do with either tag pruning or an additional tag - please do let me know. I once managed to forget to add Whump to a fics tags and only remembered when a commenter mentioned it, I promise, I will not be mad.

🕯️how do you think engaging with each other through tumblr, twitter, comments, kudos, creates healthy fandom experiences? How do you deal with that if you’re not a social person/experience social anxiety?

See, I am Bad At People. I had very few friends going up and whether or not I have any neurodivergency (unknown, not unlikely, Dad almost definitely is, but I also have trauma from bullying and a shitty ex to complicate matters) I don't always socialise so good. I tend to observe social interactions and write them well, but outside of my close friends I get very antsy about interacting with new people.

This is why, generally, I stay in my own lane on tumblr; I'll post my metas and analysis here or in response to asks and only occasionally add them to other posts - and then posts by either people I know or, for whatever reason, feel comfortable enough to add to. I used to be a lot more fighty but frankly that intersects with my social shit badly and I am trying to keep to things which spark joy, even if people being wrong on the internet regularly makes me want to fight them.

Anyway. Comments are also easy because like - an awful lot of people don't respond to your comments? And it's a massive load off my anxious back to know I can just leave a comment and probably won't get any response. And then, if there is a response, it's often delightful because I wasn't expecting it and it's to a comment I probably put way too much thought into which means there's often something fun to discuss. Likewise - I love when people comment on my work with clearly thought out considerations and I know, from my own experiences, that many don't expect a reply and it'll be a nice surprise for them.

And, like I said - I'm trying to keep to things which spark joy. Spreading that joy in fandom is one such. World sucks enough - lets not add to it.

💌share something with us about an up-and-coming work (WIP) that has you excited!

So uh.

I reblogged a meta from @exhaustedwerewolf a lil while back and it's because of that meta that Kash is now eating my brain apparently? I have gained a new blorbo. I will be resuming my other WIPs soonish - the intense rush of writing has definitely tapered off some - but uh. Now I have 2(.5) new WIPs, centring on Kash and Zahra.

Oops?

Look I just really like poking at characters and their trauma and Kash and Zahra are both fun and drastically different examples.

Anyway so uh.

From what we hear of Kash's backstory, that boy was raised in a cult? I'm so glad I've listened to the Gangster Capitalism series on Liberty University and read/watched/listened as much as I have to stuff about cults and cult-like entities and abuse within those structures because uh.

Boy has some shit to pick through!

(It's extremely engaging.)

[renegadesfic]

YAAAAY FLOWERS CHAPTER 3 EVERYBODY GIVE IT UP FOR CHAPTER 3

[renegadesfic]

hello verneider nation i come bearing an offering

it's more smut! who is surprised? not me! i had to kill (am still in the process of killing) 9 hours at an airport before my flight home so hopefully when i get back i will have the chance to write longfic stuff again but we will see.

this is college au verneider btw they are both in freshman year or equivalent. this has no particular country setting so just guess lmao

also regulus guest appearance in this fic! i love her she's great

[renegadesfic]

hiiii verneider nation i have another gift for you <3 shoutout to @murmew for jumpstarting my smut brain and getting me to write this! this is a followup to the first thing i posted for r1999, but it can function as a standalone just fine! warning for, as one might expect, explicit ns/fw content. :3

[renegadesfic]

Hello everybody new fandom new pinned new me. I am DETERMINED to establish myself as The verneider author on whatever platforms I post on SO. Here we go.

I'm Nathan, or Angel. We are a system, our main blog is @renegadessys and you can always message us there, that's also where we follow from. Our pronouns are he/it. Most of the stuff we write is highly self indulgent and written for our fictives of various characters but especially with the list that will follow lots of this is just for fun!

Our main fandom and the one we will be posting a lot for as of now is Reverse: 1999, our main ships are Schneider/Vertin, Sonetto/Vertin, Lilya/Sonetto (rarepair central LMAO), and some poly variations thereof (Vertin has two hands!!!!).

Fic ideas and links below!

EXPLICIT

1. A followup to the first smutfic I wrote on ao3, Vertin/Schneider reuniting post Storm resolution and having some wonderful heartfelt moments and then. You Know. POSTED HERE

2. A followup to that followup - several months later, their anniversary.

3. An alternative followup - Vertin wakes up from a nightmare and there is comfort and also You Know.

4. College AU - Vertin meets Schneider at a party. There may be follow up oneshots to this one! POSTED HERE

5. Vampire Schneider/Vampire Hunter Vertin AU. Mostly just insane flirting and nsfw. POSTED HERE

6. Either standalone or potentially a followup to 4: Schneider inviting Sonetto to join her and Vertin

7. Lilya and Sonetto fuck around after that one scene in the story where they do the training simulation together. (NOTE: in this fic and all other fics I write with Lilya in them I will be writing her as a non-op trans girl. This is for one of our system members' sake because that's how she identifies. Don't get weird)

8. Schneider/Vertin and Sonetto/Lilya partner/sub swap. Very simple.

9. College age Vertin meets Schneider after she and her friends visit a bar that is not expressly a gay bar but sure comes close!

NON EXPLICIT

1. Vertin being diagnosed with some variant of Hanahaki disease while in the artificial somnambulism treatments post-chapter 2. Very angsty. NOW POSTING HERE

2. Vertin/Schneider coffee shop au. Someone has to do it. Vertin is a perpetually tired college student, Schneider is a perpetually flirty barista.

3. Future domestic oneshot where Vertin and Schneider are??? Married???? Have kids??????? Idk I just live here

4. End of chapter 4, Sonetto finds out when Z's birthday is and convinces everyone to throw her a surprise party as thanks for helping Vertin and co. (NOTE: I will be referring to her as Dr. Z regardless of canon, she worked hard to get a phd in whatever weird science she does and I refuse to discount it)

5. Ghost Schneider AU. Basically Vertin is "haunted" by Schneider's ghost after the Storm takes her, presumably due to some arcanum fluctuation that sticks her to Vertin (handwaves away the details). Romance. But sad.

6. Time travel fix-it - Vertin goes back in time to try to stop Schneider's death. NOW POSTING HERE

I will update this list as I get more ideas and write these. Please send me asks or let me know if there's one in particular you want to read!

[renegadesfic]

chewing on the electrical cords

flowers ch2 up now. it's short but it's so loaded it felt best that way, not trying to add another bit on. pls fuel me

[renegadesfic]

Hiiii I did it again <3 as promised here is something being uploaded in the middle of the night! Vampire Schneider and Vampire Hunter Vertin, I am determined to establish myself as THE Verneider smut author and this is one more step toward my goal. Please do comment and give me motivation to write more!

[renegadesfic]

Chapter 3 of Valentine's Day is up! You can read it here:

Don't yell at me about Schneider's age, it's my fic and I do what I want. But honestly, she doesn't look like an adult, and I know looks can be deceiving but it is genuinely my headcanon that she is younger than Vertin and just acts very grown up because of her life circumstances.