#reporter: THE PEOPLE WANT TO KNOW YANGCHEN!

[sillyfudgemonkeys]

Paparazzi: Please we just want to interview you all! Korra, holding the door down: Damn it they found out about us! Kyoshi, helping her: So uhhhh what do we do? Yangchen: Sigh, we could just answer their questions. Korra and Kyoshi: Yeah no our public image isn't the best, and we really suck with that type of stuff. Aang: I'm a child. :) Kuruk: I don't deal with people. Roku: Something tells me we'll regret talking with them. So, no. Yangchen: FINE! I'll talk to them. What's the worst that can happen?

Reporter: Yangchen! Yangchen! What's it like being the only Dom in a long line of Subs? Yangchen: This panel is closed!

[cherrychonk]

The Transfer part 3 is up!

It's been two weeks. Two weeks of filing paperwork and cleaning people's desks. The chief would only allow you to patrol with Mako on random occasions, otherwise you were on desk duty. The only thing keeping you at bay was the new found friendships with your fellow officers and Jia. That woman would sneak in juicy gossip notes that kept you at the edge of your seat. So far two officers were having an affair with each other, the baker down the street was in a food battle with the new coffee place owner and the latest celebrity plastic surgery failure.

You had finished your latest work, it had taken you hours to fill with the correct information. A lot of things didn't make sense so you had to do a lot of investigating and digging to find the answers.

“Hey Mako, I'm done. Can you give this to the ch-” You stop when you realize that not only is Mako not there but you're completely alone in the bullpen. Looking up at the clock you almost gasp. Your shift had ended three hours ago and you didn't even notice people leaving.

“Monkey-feathers” You muttered. When you look up you aren't surprised to see the light in the Chief’s office still on.

Might as well hand it myself. You pick up your coat and paperwork, walking over her door. You knock on it gently. “Umm, Chief? I just finished some paperwork. Can I hand it to you or…?”

She doesn't respond so you knock again. No response. “Well Chief, I'll leave it on my desk. Good night!”

You start walking towards your desk when you do a full one eighty and knock one more time. “Chief, are you okay?”

You place your hand on the handle. You shouldn't do this… But what if she's hurt? Your mind floods with worry as you open the door.

And there she is, the big bad Lin Beifong asleep, head on her desk and drooling a bit. She looks so tired and relaxed that you don't want to wake her. Placing the pile of papers on her desk you stare for a moment before grabbing your coat and draping it over her, tucking her in, you tuck some stray hairs sticking to her face. She doesn't react, the only sounds are gentle snores. The raising and falling of her back keep you at ease.

“Night, chief.” You whisper as you walk out, closing the door behind you.

You get to the parking lot getting on your satomobile, it's an older model but takes you where you need to go. As you drive home you can't seem to get the chief out of your head. How adorable she looked sleeping like a baby in her office.

Finally you can have a hot shower and shed all the layers of clothing. You wash your hair and lay in the hot bathtub water humming as you relax. Many tattoos littered your body, yet there was more than enough space for a lot of more ink. Your most recent was this little headshot of a badger-mole bicep, a little boy had given you the art piece and you liked it so much you got it tattooed. You still remember how shocked and happy he looked.

You finish your shower and put on all your piercings back on, not wanting the holes to close up. You prepare tomorrow’s uniform and get under the covers after drying your hair. Tomorrow would be a long day.

___________

It was bad. For the first time in years you woke up later than you should. As you glanze at the clock on the wall your eyes go wide.

“FUCK I’M LATE!” You yell sprinting from the bed and starting to get dressed as fast as a lighting strike.

Running to the bathroom you don't even look at the mirror just quickly brushing your teeth and barely spitting the paste as you wipe your mouth with your arm, you put your hair in a ponytail and continue on. With your uniform and boots on you run down stairs to your satomobile and bring the engine to life.

You were on the speed limit, maybe a few miles more but you made it on time. You clock in seeing Jia’s shocked expression.

“Morning!” You yell as you run to the elevator.

“Y/N!” Jia yells back in a worried tone.

“See you at lunch time!” You managed to get out as the door closed.

You get weird stares walking to your cubicle. The other officers kept looking at you and laughing or whispering. You look at your clothes, they were fine. Your hair felt fine. Everything seemed fine. You see Mako trying to signal some to you, he has a panic expression on his face. But before you can ask him you hear a booming voice.

“Y/N MY OFFICE. NOW!” The Chief yells.

Fuck. You were on time, so it couldn't be that. You look back at Mako as you stand up. The utter look of pity makes you angry but terrified at the same time. So you start walking and with every step you take your anxiety rises. You knock, she orders you in.

“Good morning Chief I-” The first thing you notice is your folded coat on her desk. The second is her angry face, getting redder and redder as she looks at you. She slams the door shut with her bending.

“What did I tell you on your first day, officer.” She says in a cold angry yet quiet tone.

“N-not to go into your office without your permission…”

She inhales and grips the back of the chair so hard it seems to bend. “THEN WHY DID YOU ENTER MY OFFICE LAST NIGHT!” She yells

You look at her, she looks like she's about to rip you a new asshole in the next five seconds. You sigh, this is going to be your last day and you know it.

“I finished my reports and Mako wasn't there so I went to take them to you. I knocked a few times and when you didn't respond I got worried something might have happened to you so I let myself in to check on you.”

Lin’s anger didn't seem to go down at all.

“Your coat.” She spat, throwing the cloth at you. “Why leave evidence you idiot?!” She barked.

You tried hard not to smile remembering her sleepy face. “You looked cold.”

The Chief stared at you for what felt like minutes before sitting at her desk chair.

“I want to fire you Y/N, I'm not even going to shy away from saying it. Your behavior of testing my patience is getting on my last nerve-” She looked at you. “AND WHAT THE FUCK IS ON YOUR FACE?!”

Your hands flew to your face and in your horror you could feel all the piercings. Fuck!

“You never said piercings were a no.” You try to be a smart ass.

Lin punches the desk and it's about to yell at you when you interrupt her.

“Wait, let me explain!” You beg. “I always put them in before bed so they don't close off. I forgot to take them out this morning.” You start to gently take them out one by one as she stares you down. The last one being your tongue, as you are taking it out you look up to find her staring at it with a light blush. She coughs covering her mouth with her fist as she finds you staring back at her.

“Done.” You muttered as you placed them all on a handkerchief and into your pocket.

“Do you ever get tired of making a fool of yourself?!” She says annoyed.

“Chief I'm trying, things are just different here. So many things were acceptable back home that aren't here and vice versa. I swear to the spirits I'm not doing this on purpose.” You sigh. “I've been in the force for almost a decade and I've never sat behind a desk for more than three days. This isn't my environment. I have to be outside catching and tracking bad guys, not here cleaning officers desks and filing their paperwork. I have so much to give if you give me a chance, Chief. I promise not to let you down.”

Lin relaxed in the chair massaging her temples. “You can't even follow the most basic of orders Y/N. I will not send you to the streets where I know you will disobey everything I tell you.”

You got closer to her desk, your eyes locking with her. “Please, give me a chance. I can do this, let me prove myself to you. If I fail then I'll leave for good and hand you my badge. No more police work for me ever again.”

The Chief stared at you, she was looking for something in your eyes, maybe she found it. Silence covered the room for a few minutes before she sighed. “I'm going to give you ONE chance to prove me you aren't a complete idiot. Things will be done by the law. Got it?”

You beamed with joy. “Yes chief!” You can't even control your smile.

The Chief opened a drawer and pulled out a large file, she placed it on the desk in front of you. “This is a cold case, it's been open for around five years. It's incredibly graphic, if this is too much for you than I can give you-”

“I'll do it! I'll take it!” You almost yell.

“Very well then. Y/N, if you can solve it not only will I allow you to stay-” She folded her arms and exhaled. “But also...MAYBE- I'll allow some things in the dress code.” She huffed.

“You got it, chief!” You said grabbing the file. “I won't let you down!”

You give a small bow as you head out, a huge smile plastered in your face. The officers around you look at you like you're crazy but you don't care one bit. You finally got the chance to prove yourself and you wouldn't let your Chief down. You seat at your desk opening the file and scanning it over.

“That went well?” Mako asked in a whisper.

You chuckled. “I almost got my ass whooped but the spirits decided to give me a break. She gave me a chance to prove myself.” You return your focus to the page. “Now hush, I need to concentrate.”

Mako rolled his eyes and went back to his work.

“Good luck” The detective muttered.

****________________****

Case File Num B-5246: The Akuma Family Massacre

Reporting Officer: Shiro Zen

Crimes: First degree murder, Arson, Robery, Assault, organized crime, torture.

Scene description:

Officer Shiro Zen and Officer Chen Hun arrived at the scene at the Akuma mansion on Avatar Yangchen street 935, house number 17, United Republic of Nations.

The first thing the officers noticed is the sign of a dying fire. Under Chief Beifong's permission, the officers continued towards the house, weapons drawn. The first thing noticed was the broken handle on the front door indicating forced entry. After continuing inside the first body was discovered, now identified as Annie Akuma, the mother of the two children and wife to Kane Akuma. The victim had her hands tied behind her back and multiple stab wounds on her torso. Later the medical examiners would find traces of sexual assault premortem during autopsy. Cause of death, stab wounds.

Walking further in the next victim, later identified as Hiroto Akuma the younger son, was gagged with a rag. A rope was tight around his neck and he exhibited multiple burns to the face, torso and legs. Medical examiner found large traces of ‘fairy dust’ drug in his sistem. The young boy had one arm cut out clean with medical precision. Cause of death, overdose and blood loss.

The next body was tied to a burnt metal chair. The horror of it's torture plastered on their face. The body was later identified as Kane Akuma, the father and businessman of the family. Later on it was discovered that all his fingernails had been pulled out, his back had been broken in three places, multiple stab wounds littered his body and all of his toes had been cut out along with his crotch area. Cause of death is undetermined.

The last body was found in the living room tied to the sofa and gagged was the body of a young girl. Lea Akuma, she had multiple bruises as well as signs of severe sexual assault. Her back had deep scratches and her neck had deep bruises where circulation was cut from being choked by rope. Cause of death asfixia.

The perpetrators covered their tracks, the only DNA retrieved from the scene were the ones from the rape kits done on the two female victims. The DNA has not been matched to any person to date. Motives are still unknown, the Akumas had been known to be a respectful and kindhearted family. Some possessions seemed to be missing yet most remain intact...

___________

You stared at the file for a minute. The pictures inside were incredibly graphic, enough to make a grown man cry and puke. You had read a few pages now, the more you read the angrier you got. The only names in the entire file were those of the police personnel or the family. There was not a single name of any suspect, you didn't even know where to look.

You wrote down all the names you could find. All descriptions of schools and workplaces, places the family frequent and even the coffee shop the mother used to go to. With nothing more than a file filled with grousome descriptions of murder and other horrible things, you mentally prepared. This would be no easy trip to the park.

[bellatrixobsessed1]

A Flame For A Cabbage (Season Finale)

Azula wanders around somewhat aimlessly. She doesn’t know where she is or how she got here. She is conflicted as to how she should feel about this place. On one hand, there are cabbages everywhere, all sorts of them; cabbages that look to be made of emerald, albino cabbages, spotted cabbages, and spirit cabbages among others. On the other hand, there is no one to sell them to. Not that she can see anyhow.

Being an opportunist, Azula harvests several of these stranger cabbage varieties. She holds one up to the half-light of the jungle canopy. She wonders if she might be dead. That would explain her confusion and the odd cabbages. But Azula doesn’t feel like she has died. She doesn’t know how she would have. Unless she had been a silent host for the virus this whole time and it has finally claimed her. Or maybe she had fallen off of the blue dragon.

It might just be that the void has simply decided to claim her this time around. Granted, she always thought that the void would be a lot darker and with less cabbages.

“Avatar Yangchen, the monks always taught me that all life is sacred. Even the life of the tiniest spider-fly caught in its own web.” She hears a familiar voice.

“Yes. All life is sacred. Well, except for the life of that one mosquito that got in my mouth and bit my tongue.”

Aang blinks, he has never heard of a mosquito doing that before. “I know, I'm a vegan.” He declares proudly.

“Avatar Aang, I know that you're a gentle spirit, and the monks have taught you well, but this isn't about you. Not everything is about you.”

“Hey, Avatar.” Azula cuts in.

“But I’m the main character.” Aang ignores her.

“Many great and wise Air Nomads have detached themselves and achieved spiritual enlightenment, but the Avatar can never do it. Because your sole duty is to the world. Here is my wisdom for you; take a glock and cap a bitch!” With her piece having been said, Yangchen disappears like dust in a breeze.

Momo emerges from behind a tree, bench pressing a log thrice his height and weight. “I guess I don't have a choice, Momo.” Aang comments. “I have to kill the Fire Lord.” He says it as though he had never caused enough collateral damage to kill a background character. But that doesn’t really matter, because background characters still don’t have feelings anyways. In fact, Ozai has just killed a background character for the lolz. He opens each summer with an annual festival wherein background characters are hunted for sport. Aang has never partaken in such a monstrosity but he has killed so many background characters without knowing it, that it is hypocritical of him to be angry at Ozai for killing background characters.

“Avatar!” Azula says, but she says it into a megaphone so Aang jolts and falls off of his rock. It is fine though, because Momo holds him upright. Momo is still bench pressing a log.

“Yes, Azula?”

“Since it is only you and I right now, I have no choice but to ask you if you would like to buy a cabbage.”

“Not right now, Azula. I have to save the world.”

Azula rolls her eyes. Main characters are sooo dramatic. Azula is glad that she is not a main character. The reader is reminded that she is a main character and is granted a reminder of how she silently wept to herself, clutching her favorite cabbage and a roll of toilet paper because she realized that letting go of her boyfriend was a mistake and she is lonely. “Look, Avatar, cabbages are the world.”

“They’re your world, Azula.” Aang replies firmly. “One of these days you’re going to have to realize that there’s more to life than selling and growing cabbages.

Azula gasps in offense and clutches her hand over her heart. For a moment she thinks of Jet. Instead she says, “no, Avatar. Cabbages are the most important thing.”

“I don’t have time for cabbages. I have to…” He pauses. “Hey, you’re really good at plans and stuff! How can I save the world without killing the Fire Lord?”

“I will tell you, if you buy a cabbage.” Azula replies smuggly.

Aang groans and fishes out a few gold pieces and thrusts them into her palm.

“Have you tried using quantum physics to replace this world’s Ozai with one whose worst crime was telling one extrodinarily awful dad joke?” Azula asks.

“Azula, I don’t know how to do that.” Aang replies.

“Oh.” She responds. “Well you aren’t getting your money back.”

.oOo.

“You sent for us, Princess. Is everything all right?” The head dailluminati agent greets.

“Actually, everything's not all right!” Sie looks behind him. There is nothing there, nothing of importance. The thing that is not alright is that he cannot seem to remember his Netflix password and he still has to finish Pretty Little Liars. “Do you know my Netflix password?”

“Uh ... password?” The man answers.

Sie types that in, only to be denied access once more. Even if he does find the right password, it does not matter because TVs do not exist. His Nexflix does not exist. Sie blinks, what was he trying to do again?

He thinks it over. That’s right, his father has left after crowning himself the Phoenix King. Unfortunatly for the world, the spirit that had possessed his soul, causing him to do ridiculous things like own a flamingo rock garden and bulk buy an excess of toilet paper has fled. Ozai is now a complete and unrepentant asshole again. He made sure that everyone knew it by looking Sie dead in the eye and telling him, “you are no daughter of mine. You are a mere peasant. A waste of space.”

“But, father…” Sie had started.

“I am not your father.” The man spat, before making his way to his airship. It had been like a knife in Sie’s chest. He does not know why his father is treating him like this so suddenly.

It haunts him as he sits on his throne. At least he thinks that it is his throne now that his father is gone.  He doesn’t even hear the dialluminati agent apologize to him. Nor does he notice the lizard people who have assembled in the room. They chatter amongst themselves, something about a very important meeting for the superior species. A series of beams flash down and suddenly Sie is alone in the throne room. Alone and pacing back and fourth.   It is all falling apart, everything is falling apart. He can’t let it fall apart or he will have to deal with her wrath…

.oOo.

Azula folds her arms over her chest. She has to admit that she is growing bored. She had always thought that the coming of Sozin’s comet would be more exciting. More bombastic! But it is actually quite peaceful. This strange island has a nice and balmy breeze. The only sound comes from the lapping of the ocean and the rustling of a breeze.

“Where am I?” She wonders out loud. Really, she ought to get back to the Fire Nation. She has cabbages to sell and her new business partner to talk to. Though she thinks that the Jasmine Dragon might be closed being as the Earth Kingdom is about to be burned to the ground. Azula scoffs, wondering whose foolish idea that was. What. A. Moron.

“Hey, so this island is actually just a giant lion-turtle!” Aang calls from afar.

“Fascinating.” Azula mutters uncaringly. “Does it know how I can sell cabbages to a nation that is focused completely on war?”

“I’m not sure, he’s talking to Momo about his workout routines.”

.oOo.

“Attention, crew, this is your captain speaking. Everyone please report to the bomb bay immediately for pan-fried noodles and roast duck.” Sokka announces. Azula feels a faint pang of jealousy that she cannot place.   “We have a very special birthday to celebrate.” But they won’t be celebrating any birthdays, they are practicing social distancing.

“Hey, I'm Qin Lee. I work up in communications.” Qin introduces himself.

“Oh, hi. I work down in the engine room. That's probably why we never met before. Big airship, you know?” Replies the man casually. “So, do you know whose birthday it is?”

Qin is about to tell the man that it is his birthday when another man approaches and exclaims, “I can't believe the captain remembered my birthday. He really does care.”

Qin coughs, “he was actually talking about my birthday.”

But Sokka wasn’t talking about any of their birthdays. With the press of a button the void opens up and claims its remaining sacrifices. It has been appeased. Sozin’s comet will not demolish the world as they know it, Bosco and his band of furious furries will not return, and the universes will not merge together in a chaotic and destructive blend. This, however, excludes Earth Kingdom Azula, whose eyebrows allow her to travel through time and space. But she is only eight years old so she does not yet know how to use her eyebrows to ignore the laws that hold the universe together as everyone knows it. What she does know how to do is use her eyebrows to blast holes in the walls as Suyin shrieks in agitation.

.oOo.

Azula yawns, she wishes that the Avatar would hurry his conversation up so that she may speak with the lion-turtle.

“...but I don’t want to kill him! I can’t kill him, I’m a vegan!” He throws his arms up in the air. “There’s got to be another way. Azula said that I should try to bend time and space but I don’t think that I can master that on time.”

Azula rolls her eyes. “That’s the wonderful thing about bending time and space. You don’t have to know what you’re doing.” She gives her bangs a lazy flick. “Really, the less you know how to do, the more effective you will be. Just tear a hole into the delicate balance and let the chaos take care of the Fire Lord for you.”

Aang blinks. This is uncharacteristically sinister for the usually peaceful cabbage merchant.

“Now move aside and let me speak with the lion-turtle so he can bless me with the wisdom I need to improve my marketing strategies and people skills.”

“Do you understand, avatar?” The lion-turtle asks.

“Can you repeat that last part?”

The lion-turtle nods before speaking in tongues. “If you can memorize that chant and successfully analyze the fire lord’s zodiac as it applies to the comet, you will be able to take his bending from him. If you do really well, you can also take his soul, his dignity, and his left sock.”

Aang nods. “Thank you…”

“Chuck.” The lion-turtle says. “You can call me Chuck.”

“Finally.” Azula mutters. “Help me face the lion-turtle.”

Never passing an opportunity to show off his swol legs, Momo lifts Azula up and holds her in front of the lion-turtle.

“Do you mind?” Azula frowns up at Aang.

“You listened to my conversation!” Aang points out.

“You aren’t trying to run a business. I can’t have any potential competition knowing my strategies.” In reality, she is planning on asking the lion-turtle for romance advice and she does not need the avatar to see her get all flustered upon thinking of Jet and his beautiful abs. “Don’t you have a Fire Lord to face?” She asks.

“I don’t wanna.” Aang whines.

“Well then I guess that everyone you know and love will die.” Azula says nonchalantly.

Aang shrugs. He isn’t too worried; both he and Jet died and came back.

“My parents aren’t home.” Azula says.

Being as the void still has some influence, the world seems to glitch. A fizzy, staticy image seems to overlay Aang’s face, making him appear like a blue hedgehog as he hastily makes his way to his glider. He has to go fast.

Azula gives a sigh of relief and watches the boy depart before turning back to the lion-turtle. “I have a problem.”

‘A’ is an understatement. She has several problems. Most of them pertain to the dipping of cabbage stocks. But there are a few that have to do with the fact that she still has not had her fill of roast duck and pan-fried noodles--at this point she is practically willing to eat her body weight in the stuff. Another such problem is that she had stepped in a puddle and now her socks are wet. But these aren’t her main concerns. “I had someone important to me. He’s gloriously beautiful, he’s funny, and he taught me how to draw dickbutt. I think that I...have a very deep attachment to him. But I have to focus on my cabbages because I...I love my cabbages.”

“Yes, go on.” The lion-turtle nods.

“I think that I am going to have to choose between Jet and my cabbages. I need a way to get Jet back without sacrificing my business.”

The lion-turtle lifts a claw and presses it to her forehead. She understands now. She understands everything. She knows how to make this right.

Momo sets her down beside her cabbages before he flies back to the lion-turtle’s face.

“So anyways, if you want legs like these,” comes an extremely deep bass voice, “you’re gonna have to do a lotta squats”

“Sick, dude.” Replies the lion-turtle.

.oOo.

Sie unfolds his lawn chair and lays back. Though the sun is not out, the comet shall provide him with enough heat to work on his tan. His coronation ceremony hasn’t yet started, possibly because Ozai had never given him the crown. Boy is Zuko going to be disappointed. He doesn’t know what they are going to fight over today. He takes a sip from his coconut drink as a sky bison obstructs the sunrays he that he is trying to bathe in. Sie smirks, he knows exactly what they will bicker over.

Yes, he will open by scolding his brother for blocking his sunlight and then he will hit him with the big one!

Zuko leaps off of the bison, a parachute expands. “You’re not going to become Fire Lord today!” He declares over the roar of the wind.

“What?” Sie asks, he cannot hear Zuko from this distance.

“You’re not going to become Fire Lord today!”

“What!?”

Zuko lands. “You’re not going to become Fire Lord today, I am.”

“Yeah, about that.” Sie says, missing his opportunity to begin the first fight. “Father never gave me the crown so neither of us will become Fire Lord today.” Sie shrugs.

Zuko frowns, “we can still fight over the crown for when father gets defeated.” Zuko suggests.

“Yes, I suppose that we can, brother.” Sie agrees. They are off to a horrible start with this whole arguing thing. “There’s only one way to settle this. Just you and me, brother. The showdown that was always meant to be. Rock, paper, scissors!” He whips out a small booklet, a rock, a piece of paper, and some scissors.

“You're on!”

“What are you doing? He’s playing you. He knows hhe can't take us both, so hhe's trying to separate us.”

Zuko shakes his head, “we’ve been playing Monop-uno  since we were kids. It’s a two player game.”

“But even you admitted to your uncle that you would need help facing Sie.”

“It’s fine, my sister has always been awful at rock, paper, scissors and this way, no one else has to get hurt.”

Katara nods and Sie and Zuko stand on opposite ends of the courtyard, kneeling as you do before beginning a game of rock, paper, scissors. It is always best to start any board, card, or any kind of game by kneeling before your God and asking for protection lest the game transform itself into an ouija board and you find yourself dealing with Zozo the board demon.  The camera pans to show Zuko kneeling on his side of the courtyard and then to Sie kneeling on his. And then to Zuko standing up and turning around; he slips on a banana peel as he does and topples. The camera pans out again to show Azula passionately making out with Jet. This is an error; that was supposed to have been a private moment. The camera pans out to Sie who removes his sunglasses, for he does not have a ceremonial robe to remove.

“I'm sorry it has to end this way, brother.” Sie says.

“No you're not.”

With that the battle begins. But if you look into the portal nestled in the corner of the courtyard you can glimpse at another world entirely. Another world where Azula and Zuko are about to face each other. In this world the conversation was much longer.

“No you’re not.” Zuko says.

“Yes I am.” Responds Azula.

“Are not.” Zuko replies.

“Am to!” Azula insists.

“Are not!”

“Am to!”

“Are not!”

“Am to!”

“aRE NoT!”

“I am TO!”

They do this until Sozin’s comet passes and then stand in solidarity, weeping because they have both missed their chance to spectacularly show off their firebending. They hug each other and cry. They apologize to each other for being little assholes. Katara rolls her eyes and shakes her head; that whole family is full of drama queens.

In this world, Zuko and Sie take up their stances. Zuko makes the mistake of revealing his choice in his stance by holding out his pointer and middle fingers. He improvises by pretending to bend lightning. Sie scoffs, “lightningbending is forbidden until round three!”

“Sorry.” Zuko apologizes, “I was getting excited.”

“Rock! Paper! Scissors! Shoot! Long ago, the four hand signs lived together in harmony. Then, everything changed when the Shoot Nation attacked. Only the Cheater, master of all four hand signs, could stop them, but when the world needed him most, he vanished…”

“Katara, please.” Zuko says.

Katara coughs, “sorry, I was just trying to get in the spirit of the game.” She puts her foam finger away.

“You can still call ‘rock, paper, scissors, shoot’, if you want.” Sie says.

“I guess.” Katara shrugs.

.oOo.

Azula covers her ears, she does not know what that dreadful sound is, it is like a shrill ring combined with elevator music. It has a catchy beat, but, spirits, it should not be played while she is trying to have a moment with Jet! She wishes that the void would stop trying to talk to her while she is with Jet. At least she is assuming it is the void.

“Well that just killed the mood.” Jet remarks.

“Yeah…” Azula trails off. Truth be told, she was not ready for this yet. She thinks that it is too soon in their rekindled relationship to show him her mixtape, even if it is totally fire. “Maybe next time.”

“Sure, next time.” He smiles.

“Jet?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you really think that my business is going to fail?”

“What!? No! No! I just said that because I was mad.”

Azula smiles, she might actually be getting teary-eyed. “Well, I’ve only sold a single cabbage, and I was only able to sell that one by taking advantage of someone’s frustration.”

Jet laughs, “that’s how you’ve always sold your cabbages! By manipulating and taking advantage of people, you’re doing great!”

“Yes, but I usually manipulate and take advantage of more than one person…”

“Well, you always make your best sales in the midst of disaster, and it just so happens that we are in the middle of the biggest battle in over a hundred years!” He gestures to the fire and chaos in the streets of Ba Sing Se--for this is where the lion-turtle has dropped her off. People are screaming and wailing and panic buying more toilet paper, forgetting that toilet paper is very flammable. “I mean, the Fire Lord is about to burn the entire Earth Kingdom to the ground!”

Azula’s eyes light up. “You’re right! This is absolutely catastrophic! I-I think that I can do this.”

Jet takes her hands, “you can do this.”

.oOo.

“Tag, you’re it!” Zuko declares.

Sie curses. He picks up a dodge ball and chucks it at Zuko who dodges it and dashes for the nearest pair of scissors that he can find. Sie throws another dodge ball. Zuko sets this one on fire as his fingers curl around the scissors. Sie takes this chance to grab a rock.

Zuko snarls, before recalling something important. “I am on base!”

“Ha!” Sie calls, “base has moved over there!” He points across the courtyard.

Zuko curses.

“One point to princess Sie!” Declares one of the spectating Dailluminati agents.

“BOOOOO!” Hollars Bumi, who has flown in from all the way in Omasok to witness this event. He is not pleased at the current standing.

Sie chucks the dodge ball once more. Zuko leaps out of the way. “What no paper today?” He shouts. “Afraid I’ll use scissors!?”

“Oh, I’ll show you paper!” Sie spits. He takes a deep breath and pulls out a sheet of fine art paper. Zuko drops into a defensive stance. Katara and Bumi bite their nails. The Dailluminati agent steps out to take a phone call.

Sie begins quickly and meticulously folding the paper into an origami turtle-duck. Zuko’s eye go wide. Sie’s look between Zuko and Katara. “Quack, quack, bitches.” He says with a smirk as he throws the duck at Katara.

“Nooooooo!” Zuko throws himself between Katara and the origami turtle-duck. Zuko lands with a harsh thud and the origami turtle-duck lazily drifts down and lands harmlessly upon him.

It then explodes and transforms into a real turtle-duck. The turtle-duck doubles in size and begins judging Zuko’s fashion choices and life-decisions until he can handle no more.

“Zuko!” Katara calls. “Don’t listen to it, your outfit is on point!”

Sie cackles madly, “but it doesn’t go with his eyes!”

Zuko weeps harder.

.oOo.

Azula confidently marches right into the epicenter of the chaos around her. She scans the crowd for the most horrified face. She comes upon a woman who is shrieking and begging the void to claim her before she can be burned alive.

“You!” She points at the woman as Jet begins singing the soulja boi.

The woman turns to her.

“As you can very clearly tell, you are going to die.” Azula pauses. “So you might as well spend every cent that you have on my cabbages.” It might be the firey backdrop or the way it casts swirling shadows around Azula. But the woman is absolutely terrified, she stumbles back before she practically throws the coins at Azula. The merchant collects them and hands her several cabbages. “Thank you for your business! Have a lovely day!”

“Th-th-thanks.” The woman shudders. “Please don’t hurt me.”

“That won’t be necessary.” Azula smiles. “But will it be necessary with you?” She turns to the man next to her.

“No, ma’m.” The man trembles and holds out a few coins.

“Wonderful!” Azula claps her hands together. “Enjoy your cabbages.”

Soon she doesn’t even need to approach her customers, they are coming to her. They actually want her cabbages. She is going to get so much roast duck and pan-fried noodles.

“Wow, Azula, you’re doing incredible!” Jet remarks.

“I know.” She agrees.

“Hey! Merchant!” Shouts a familiar voice and Azula’s blood runs cold. A Fire Nation soldier steps out of the crowd.

“No…” Azula mumbles.

“Yes.” The woman says.

“I will not allow you to set my cabbages on fire.” Azula declares and pulls out a John Cena knife--Mai is using her Kenu Reeves one--the soldier will never see it coming.

“Set them on fire?” The soldier asks.

“Yes.” Azula replies. “I know that you have been chasing me to set my cabbages on fire because you think that they are infected.”

“That’s not why I’m chasing you, merchant. I’m actually just here to return something that you dropped.”

Azula cocks her head, “oh.”

The woman hands her a picture. Azula feels around her pocket. Spirits, she hadn’t even realized that she dropped it.

“Aww, that’s the first dickbutt we drew together.” Jet smiles. The panicking crowd stops to give their own affectionate ‘aw’ and ‘that’s so cute’.

“Thank you.” Azula says. But the soldier is gone. No. Not gone.

“Sike!” The soldier yells. “That was just a decoy!” She sets Azula’s stall on fire.

Azula screams in anguish. It had been going so well. So, so well. And now…

Her stomach knots in rage and pain as her cabbages cry out in agony and torment. She balls her fists, it isn’t fair. It isn’t right. She has worked so hard for this. This was supposed to be her moment. Her big breakthrough.

Azula screams again. This time she can feel the rage flowing through her, opening each and every one of her chipoints. The energy swells and surges until it overflows. Her eyes glow a vivid blue and the crowd steps back. All but Jet.

Jet is a foolish man. When Azula enters the Farmer State, her power is unchecked and horribly deadly.

Large carrots and kumquats burst from the cracks in the ground. “You will suffer for destroying my cabbages.” Azula vows. But it isn’t just Azula speaking. It is also the souls of each and every deceased cabbage she has ever grown. They now lend her their unfathomable power.

“Azula, don’t do this.” Jet calls up to her levitating form. “You’ll kill all of these people.”

“Ehhh...they were going to get burned to a crisp anyways!” Azula shrugs as she sends a sharpened carrot crashing down. It nearly impales the soldier. Instead strikes the ground creating a crater in the center of town.

“Azula, please!” He begs.

But the merchant is too far gone. This doesn’t stop him from drawing nearer to her. A deadly rain of jalapeno peppers fall all around, mercilessly pelting the crowd.

Jet takes her hand. “Azula, I love you.”

Azula shudders, no one has ever done that before. No one but her cabbages.

“You don’t need your cabbages. You have me now.” He promises. “We could grow new cabbages. Better ones.”

“But what about the missed opportunity?” Azula frowns.

Her eyes still glow, but her body falls. Jet takes her into his arms. “There will be new ones. Better ones. You’ve partnered with the Jasmine Dragon!”

The glow fades from her eyes, she feels so terribly small. “But this was supposed to be my moment.”

“This is your moment.” Jet gives a soft and warm smile. He cups her cheek and gives her a gentle kiss. “This is our moment.”

The crowd gives another ‘awww’. The soldier grumbles to herself, for her boyfriend has just left her.

Maybe Jet is right, maybe life isn’t only about growing and selling cabbages. Maybe there is more to it. Jet squeezes her hand as Ozai’s air fleet reaches Ba Sing Se. Azula is glad that she has gotten a taste of true affection before she meets her demise.

Ozai steps further out onto the platform and takes a deep breath. He pulls out a megaphone, “princess Azula, it is time to end this foolishness.”

Azula groans to herself.

“This has gone too far!”

She folds her arms over her chest.

“Please come home, I am tired of the Cabbage Merchant, he is too needy!”

“I am the Cabbage Merchant, father!” Azula declares.

Ozai inhales sharply through his nose only and rubs an exasperated hand over his face. “You are the princess of the Fire Nation! You get on this airship right now and go to your room.”

“I will not.” Azula stands her ground. Jet slings his arm around her. She is a cabbage merchant now, this is her life!

Ozai claps his hands together and holds them to his mouth. “Okay, how about this. If you come home right now, I’ll let you keep your boyfriend.”

Azula keeps her arms firmly crossed. “I am staying right here with my boyfriend and my flaming cabbage stall.”

“Look, I’m sorry that I took your tank away, I might have overreacted a little.” Ozai gives in. “Please end this, whatever it is, and come home.”

Azula only offers him a smirk.