#ripped it up and thrown it at his giant hat

[high-in-the-tower]

Speaking my truth I think the layout of his business card is DUMB! It's dumb!!!!! All that white blank space with a tiny ass font Armand I'll kill you

[pianocat939]

(Feral Jiang Shi Donnie because yes)

Tw: breaking in, Donnie briefly attempts to bite MC, he's a little feral-

In the middle of the night, someone rips the screen door connected to the yard, a few snarls and hisses escaping the being's mouth as it enters. It lifts its head briefly to smell food, its fingers twitching with anticipation and desire. His eyes glow a dim purple, a vengeful glint in his pupils as he explores the house on all fours like an animal.

"Sniff sniff...smell meat...smell...me?" He sits on the wooden floor briefly, raising an eyebrow while thinking: confused by his own thoughts. After a few seconds, he shakes his head, standing up on his legs this time, "No...smell human. Human smell...like grass." He scratches the hat on his head a bit before running up the stairs on all fours, like how a child would climb them up faster.

When he arrives upstairs, his pace drastically slows, and he starts to creep around, inspecting the corners and rooms. His eyes then narrow when he sees a figure laying on a giant cushion of some sort. He clicks quietly a few times before lunging onto the bed, his jaw unhinged: wide open. "Demon! Eradicate!" But he's surprised when a hand holds his throat, keeping him back.

"What the fuck! What are you! Bitch I am not dealing with this today!" For a moment he continues his growls and attempts to bite their face, but suddenly stills. His pupils dilate, to the point one would think something is wrong with him. He then starts to churr, his jaw closing and only his elongated fangs poking out from his mouth.

"Love! Hold...me!" He chirps, and before they could do push him away he uses his entire body weight to lay on them, preventing them from moving. He nuzzles his snout against their cheek, "I would...destroy...anything for you!" But then, their phone lights up, showing a notification that just came through.

Before they could look over and see what it is, it was instantly thrown against the wall. "Evil! Must...protect!" He bounds off the bed and starts to bat at the phone while screeching and clicking furiously. He seems pissed at the phone.

"Yeah ok- how about we not-" He whips his head back and glares at them as if daring them to move, "Ok- never mind then..."

They awkwardly sit in bed, watching the strange creature that broke into their house snarl and hiss at their phone. Even amused if it weren't for the fact it's their cell phone.

"What kind of feral animal are you-"

(We heart feral, dum dum Jiang Shi Donnie)

[akronus-writes]

the Dragons eclipse chapter 3, a glint of silver obscured by shadow.

Hallowed jumped back, just barely dodging the strangers attack as it cut the arm of his trench coat. Falling into the crevice between the peaks of the roof, he drew his revolver, "the silver gun" a marvel of technology, and the only weapon capable of firing Halloweds special non-metal air pressure based bullets. Aiming up at where his assailant had once stood, he saw that they had already moved. Spinning around, Hallowed watched for the assailant, but saw nothing. But suddenly, he jumped over the peak in the roof to the right, and brought one side of his sword down onto Hallowed, who only barely blocked it with his cybernetic arm.

"good shot, you won't get a second," Hallowed quipped, aiming at the assailants leg and pulling the trigger. With a barely audible "click" a bullet with a cyan blue band around the back of it flew out of the revolver. Just in the nick of the time, the assailant jumped out of the way, landing behind the peek of another part of the roof. But as the bullet hit the floor, it released a fast-acting liquid nitrogen compound, causing it to harden around Halloweds foot.

"well, fuck me then," Hallowed muttered as he tugged at the ice, trying to rip his foot from it before the assailant could attack him once again.

The assailant ran towards the opposite end of the roof to Hallowed, the shadows he ran past coalescing into a mass of energy he held in his off hand as he rounded the corner, lifting the hand up at Hallowed.

"shadow manipulation, repelling force," The assailant muttered, as the shadows in his hand blasted forward and took hold of Hallowed, dragging him off the edge of the roof before dissapearing.

Halloweds revolver fell to the pavement, hitting it with a dull thud, before falling to its side, His hat floating down and joining it soon after. But Hallowed did not follow, instead he dangled above the ground, his foot tangled in the gutter. Desperately, he struggled to think up a way to survive this situation, his Trenchcoat beginning to slip off of his arm as the gutter started to break, and he heard the footsteps of the shadowy attacker approaching.

As he ran over his options, he looked around, seeing nothing he could use, or inside of his reach, that could help him. Back on the rooftop, the assailant slowly walked towards the edge of the roof, holding his two bladed sword in his hands, his face was now unobscured by shadows, showing off his unsettlingly ordinary face, and his eerily contrasting pale skin and eucalyptus green eyes.

Halloweds Trench coat slipped, falling off of his arms, only to be quickly caught by the detective, who finally had an idea. As the nails that kept the gutter in began to pop out, and the man approached even closer. Hallowed threw himself up, throwing his coat ahead of him as a sort of snare, and forcing himself onto the edge of the roof, but not without pulling a muscle.

Catching the man off guard, Hallowed grabbed the sword through his trench coat and threw it and the coat off of the roof, and down onto the concrete behind them. Before sending a swift punch into his gut.

Doubling over and stumbling back, the Man spat up blood, before jumping drawing another mass of shadow to shoot at Hallowed.

"shadow manipulation, repelling force," He spoke again, throwing a giant shadowy hand at Hallowed.

'bit unoriginal, using the same move over-and-over," Hallowed quipped, throwing a yellow banded bullet at the shadowy hand.

As the hand and bullet collided, the bullet exploded in a burst of light and smoke, obscuring hallowed and destroying the hand. Before his opponent could react, Hallowed dashed through the smoke and weaved past a strike from the man, wrapping his hands around the mans head and pulling him into a swift knee to the face.

Thrown back and quickly losing control of the fight, the man jumped back, attempting to get the space needed to collect more shadow. Only for hallowed to chase after him, throwing a bullet with a green band towards where he was going to land.

As the man hit the roof, the bullet made contact, causing it to burst into a doughy, fast hardening, glue like substance that stuck to every bit of his body.

Hallowed watched as the man struggled to get it off of him, only further spreading it in his struggle. Eventually, the substance hardened around him, and Hallowed pulled out his phone and called Akronus.

"Hello! whatcha need?" Akronus answered the call happily.

"I just fought someone with a sword and shadow powers, you mind getting up here?" Hallowed asked, treating the situation as if it was completely normal.

"ah, I'll be up in a sec, I've got something about the shadows I need to tell you as well," Akronus replied, hanging up.

After a few seconds, Akronus appeared on the roof, grinning.

"ohhhhhh, you meant the roof!" akronus exclaimed "and this must be the shadow guy!"

"yep, do me a favour and bring him inside?" Hallowed sighed, stretching.

"sure!" Akronus happily obliged, teleporting away with the man.

"well, this will definitely help the investigation," Hallowed muttered to himself as he walked back to the side of the roof.

Climbing down from the roof, Hallowed dropped down to the carpark and picked up his hat, putting it on as he walked over to his coat, only to notice something strange. The outline of the blade wasn't underneath the coat, so he picked it up, and confirmed it, the blade was missing.

As Hallowed put his trench coat on, he head a scream come from the reception building, and ran towards it.

chapter 2 chapter 4

@f4y3w00d5 @the-thing-of-worms @good-wizard @gobodegoblin @monsterfucker-research-wizard @mango-lord-of-poision @be-gentle-with-littluns-2

[barry-j-blupjeans]

Ise can you write an ise cube about Barry and Lup participating in No Necromancy November

Lup had been going to the kitchen. Honestly! She hadn't been able to sleep- something she was blaming on the giant, ever-screaming squirrels outside her window this cycle- and wanted to make some pancakes. Pancakes made everything better, she was pretty sure. Maybe she could have made a big one and thrown it out at them to get them to shut up for just like, just a second! But instead, she had snuck down the hallway and, accidentally, not on purpose, ended up in the lab.

Was there a big sign on the door telling her not to go in? Yes. Davenport had put it up yesterday after she and Barry had, uh... redecorated the lab with their necromancy experiment. That was barely even necromancy anyway if you went with the textbook definition. Had he asked explicitly that she stay away from the lab for at least a month, or until they found the Light? Yes.

But. But! Lup left... coffee. In there. She left coffee in there. Yes, that's what she was going with.

The lab was dark and Lup didn't bother turning on the light because she had dark vision, anyway. It was only going to be a few seconds. Minutes, maybe, if she struggled to remember where the cup was. But then she came face to face with the whiteboard of the theories she and Barry had drafted out and she couldn't just leave it up there. She had to erase that or Davenport would be upset.

But it'd be a shame to erase it before they were finished. And honestly, it wouldn't take that long. A few minutes, at most! Maybe half an hour, in total.

It must have only been twenty minutes before the door of the lab opened again. Lup immediately stretched across the counter towards her coffee cup- which she was getting to!- covering the project she had been finishing up. It was meant to look like she was just reaching over for the cup, but her arms weren't that long, she was half on the counter with her legs dangling off the side when the light flicked on.

"Just getting my coffee, Dav!" Lup said. But it wasn't Davenport at all.

It was Barry.

He stared at her for a moment. His hair was mussed like he had been tossing and turning in bed. Lup sagged against the counter and started to pull back. Barry seemed to snap out of whatever trance he was in and came further in, carefully shutting the door behind him. Lup, who was now completely off the counter, raised her hand in greeting.

"I, uh," Barry said. "Came to get your coffee. To wash the cup."

"Right," Lup said. "Get a labcoat on, Barold."

"Yeah, okay," Barry said, grabbing one from the hanger near the door. He grabbed a pair of goggles, too. "What'cha working on?"

"Barney," Lup said, showing Barry the dead frog they had collected from outside. One of the giant squirrels had gotten to it and the insides were all ripped up. Two nights ago, Barry had made it a top hat, which it was still wearing.

"Ah," Barry said, getting some gloves too. "Is he tap-dancing yet?"

"Not quite," Lup said. "More of a slow dance. And by slow dance I mean he's literally not moved. I don't know what I'm doing wrong."

"Lemme take a crack at it," Barry said. Lup slid the dish over to him and he squinted at it. Lup leaned back on the counter to watch him.

A bad thing about being secretly in love with someone is that Lup did just tune out everything else around her when she was watching him. One time, Taako had just kept handing her things to see how long it would take her to notice and it had taken her a, frankly, embarrassing long time to realize. This time, she forgot to process the words Barry was saying as he said them. It was only when he turned to her that she realized those words were directed at her.

"Lup?" he said.

"Oh," Lup said. "Uh, yeah? What's crackin', babe?"

She had it so, so bad.

"I-" Barry did a little laugh, sort of breathless. At least she had charm. "I was trying to ask if you, uh, wanted to come back tomorrow night as well? Obviously, if someone asks, we weren't here-"

"Dav's really put us in a fuckin' No Necromancy November challenge, huh?" Lup said. Barry wheezed and then immediately slapped his hand over his mouth to cover the noise. Lup grinned. "But yeah, I mean, I'd be down to come back tomorrow. And totally not do any necromancy. Whatsoever."

"Y- yeah," Barry said, with barely constrained laughter. "None- none at all. I don't even know what necromancy is."

"I think it's a spice," Lup said. "Y'know like, put a little necromancy in this pumpkin pie-"

Barry had to hide his face in his hands for that one. His laugh, even though he was trying very hard to conceal it, was adorable. He was adorable. That's what Davenport didn't understand about banning them from the lab. Like, they were gonna do this anyway, because otherwise, Lup wouldn't know what the fuck to say to get Barry to hang out with her. Phrasing it as "let's go make a dead frog tapdance" was a lot easier than saying "hey, can you hang out with me because you're super hot and I love you?"

A lab ban was like a Lup and Barry ban. And, as she watched Barry struggle to stay quiet in the bright fluorescent lights, Lup decided that that simply wouldn't do.

[immabethehero]

Encantober/Egotober - Tragedy/Ink

OK... so turns out when you mash hyperfixations together... you get- uh... interesting results.

Anyway @encantober-official, @tracobuttons

~~~~~~

CW: Moving snake skull, ink nearly suffocating two people, slight vomiting at the end and bones breaking

Everywhere Bruno Madrigal looks, ink spills and drips from the walls of the white void. He can’t entirely explain what’s happening, but he knows not to touch it. He jumps over the puddles, much like jumping over cracks. It’s not so hard. He’ll survive-

Squish! Bruno screams as his foot gets trapped in the sticky ink. He pulls and pulls at his leg to no avail. He stutters over prayers as he tries in vain to free himself.

Suddenly, a blast of warm magic- he can’t think of another word for what he sees- eviscerates the ink, and he looks up to see Jameson Jackson smiling back at him. The moustached gentleman, whom he met mere hours ago, seems to be adept at magic, albeit a different sort of magic. When they get out of whatever this is, he plans on asking him about how magic works in his world.

“Do you know where we are?!” Bruno yells. Jameson shakes his head and motions to him to keep running.

{Don’t think about that right now. Just find an exit!} Bruno can barely read the gentleman’s sign as Jameson leaps across puddles, blasting any ink that gets in his way.

Bruno tries to will a vision to come to him, but ultimately decides against it. He needs his own vision to avoid the puddles.

Bruno is quite literally ripped out of his thoughts as a tendril suddenly ensnares his arm. He tugs against its slimy yet strong grip, screaming as the ink begins to climb up his legs and wrap itself around his body. In the corner of his eye, he can see Jameson’s hands covered as ink envelops him. The tendrils lift the men off the ground. Bruno kicks and screams. Jameson snarls and yells as he attempts to break his hands free of the ink.

“So weak, yet you fight on,” a voice says. Bruno and Jameson gasp.

{Who’s there?! Show yourself, you dirty rascal!} Jameson growls.

“No need for insults…” The world begins to rumble. Jameson and Bruno gasp as an ivory skull emerges from the largest puddle of ink. The beast slowly rises out of the darkness, its slimy form towering over the men. It looks down, the intense stare of its eye sockets burning into the mages. Bruno takes the time to look over the beast’s body. It has no legs, just a large noodle, and that odd skull… It dawns on him.

Bruno swallows back a scream. He hates snakes. “W-what do you want with us?”

“You…” The ink-beast lowers its head so that’s eye level with the men. “You two fascinate me… Always left behind.. Always the weakest ones…”

The coils of ink stretch up their ears. Bruno slams his mouth shut as it gags him. Jameson shudders as the ink wraps around his throat.

The ink-beast turns to Jameson first. “One, abandoned by everyone he loves- family, friends, even mere acquaintances- sacrificed to the monster like a pig on a stick.”

Jameson can’t move. Jameson can’t move! The ink seems to be squeezing his limbs together, as if to crush him. He feels the black goop knock his hat off as it attempts to cover his eyes. He shakes his head violently to keep the ink from engulfing him entirely.

Across from him, Bruno has gone limp, his head lulling as the ink dangles his body in the air like a child’s plaything. The ink-beast nods towards him.

“You, thrown under the bus, left for dead, forgotten by all you love.” Another tendril slaps Bruno across the face, leaving a black spot.

“Your lives are one never-ending tragedy,” the beast says. “Why not let it end already?”

Jameson shakes off the ink covering his eyes as a blinding green light flashes at him. He gasps as Bruno’s eyes glow a bright green. Around him, the ink hovers in the air, caught up in Bruno’s strange trance.

Bruno begins to writhe against the ink as slowly, but surely, a green tablet begins to form from the hovering ink. Jameson watches in awe. The beast roars and steers its giant body towards the prophet.

The ink around Jameson begins to slack, allowing the gentleman to free one of his arms. He snaps his fingers at the tablet, breaking it into sharp pieces. With a wave of his hand, he tosses the broken pieces at the beast’s eye sockets and hits it dead on!

The beast howls in agony, the noise piercing the men’s ears. Their inky prisons go slack, and they slip out of them, falling into the puddles below. Bruno jolts back to life as his body slams against the ground, bones snapping.

The beast thrashes and writhes, roaring all the while. It slowly pulls its body back into the pond, the screams fading away.

Bruno and Jameson lie on the floor, choking on air. Bruno gags and rolls over, sobbing as a burning pain spreads through his legs and thighs. Jameson coughs, spitting out chunks of ink.

As his coughing fit dies down, Jameson smiles weakly at Bruno. {How about we get out here, hm?}

Bruno manages a light chuckle before pain takes over his senses and his world goes black.

~~~~~~~~~

:D

[beygrade]

Trick or Treat?

Kai/ Tala; A Halloween-themed drabble

***

Tala pushed the door open, and frowned, as he glanced at the silhouette outlined against the curtains. As though hearing him approach, Kai drew the curtains away and stepped forward, the moonlight giving his skin a waxy glow. Tala noted the colour of the face paint today- a dull orange instead of the blue he was so used to seeing. Kai had even thrown on a t-shirt with a jack-o'-lantern designed on it, with those customary ripped jeans. Tala's brows rose. Is he for real?

"Is this your idea of a Halloween costume, shithead?" Tala asked. "It looks terrible."

Kai threw him a look. "My outfit is fine. Who told you to dress up for this shit? You don't even need a costume to look ghastly."

Tala scowled. He paused to examine himself in the mirror as he moved, noting the giant hat that rested upon his head. He'd let his hair down, allowing it to match with the thin, red scar marks he'd painted on his face. A cloak fell over his collared shirt and his jeans. Tala had thought this was the bare minimum he could do for Halloween, but looking at Kai now, he wasn't so sure. Tala sighed. Kai had put aside his other plans and agreed to accompany Tala, despite the childishness of it all. That was already more than Tala had expected.

"Watch what you say," Tala said, stopping in front of Kai. "You'll piss me off for real one of these days."

Kai's eyes narrowed, but before he could retort, Tala leaned down and pulled Kai closer. He ignored the pounding in his chest as their breaths mingled. A second later, Kai's lips were on his. Tala closed his eyes, and Kai rested his hands on Tala's shoulders. Kai tasted of coffee and sugar, as usual. Tala let himself drown in the feeling of the kiss, his mind devoid of all thoughts unrelated to Kai. He'd made out with Kai more times than he cared to remember, but this never got old. It was always a jarring, electrifying experience. Tala didn't quite understand how that worked.

When they broke apart, Tala ran his fingers over Kai's jaw, surveying the face paint. You don't look half-bad in orange, Tala wanted to say, but he had no chance to speak the words.

"Come on," Kai said, taking Tala's hand. "I don't have all day for your stupid antics."

"You won't think it's stupid after you collect a bag full of candy," Tala muttered.

Kai said nothing in response, and they walked to the door. As Tala locked the door behind them, he reminded himself that he was nineteen, that Kai was eighteen, and that they were both much too old for trick-or-treating. But, at the moment, Tala didn't care. He'd never had the chance to do this when he'd been a child. In his teens, the time had never seemed right. But he was here now, and this was something worth experiencing, at least once. Who knew, somebody might even mistake them for high school kids. Tala took Kai's hand in his own and stifled a grin. For the first time in a long time, he thought he might have a good time.

[lumberjackloverboy-moved]

hi i don't know anything at all about zelda can you describe the plot in as much detail as u can /gen

OH BOY. OH BOY. OH NO

so zelda is notorious for having the most bullshit timeline ever so if you really want this buckle up lmao.

so here is the beautiful horrible convoluted timeline. it covers 15 games (two are missing), three timeline splits, and is just ridiculous:

im gonna break this up by timeline, then game, and end w breath of the wild and hyrule warriors. there'll be some lore bits thrown in too. this is your time to leave if you need to. you've been warned /hj

(i spent literal days on this everyone is required to like and tell me how smart and handsome i am)

CREATION AND PRE SPLIT:

So in the beginning, there were the Three Golden Goddesses: Din, the Goddess of Power, Nayru, the Goddess of Wisdom, and Farore, the Goddess of Courage.

Together, they created the world. Then they dipped outta there. They entrusted the world to Hylia, who is also called the golden goddess sometimes bc nintendo can't think of another color. basically, they left, and when they did they went to the sacred realm, a realm that is uh. sacred. idk holy stuff is there, and at the spot where they left the material plane and entered this realm, the triforce was created. it was a trio of sacred golden triangles (yes more gold. nintendo pls) that would give immense power to whoever held it, mostly in the form of granting any wish imaginable. it was made up of the triforces of wisdom, power, and courage.

so the goddess are are gone, hylia is chillin, protecting the world and the triforce, everything is great until our anti-bestie demise shows up. demise is the king of the demons (??? it's not made very clear what he is. he's bad, okay?) and he wants control of the world and the triforce. a war breaks out between the two gods and hylia goes to find someone strong enough to help her end it. that someone is link, the First Ever Link bc there are like 18 of them. the goddess sword is forged for him, which holds the sword spirit fi, and they uh. well they dont really win.

(hylia and her dead boyfriend. rip)

hylia seals demise away, but link is killed in action and the world is decimated. she sends the last of her people onto an island in the sky, far from the destruction, and, knowing the seal wont hold forever, reincarnates herself and link so they'll be there when the seal breaks.

Skyward Sword

okay so did you get all that? that's the fucking PROLOGUE baby. i told you this would be long, im so sorry. NOW we are at the first game, skyward sword! it was made for the wii and really unpopular bc the motion controls sucked, which is a shame bc the story and character designs are great! so remember when we last saw link and hylia and they were being reincarnated? meet zelda and link 2.0, the two people they were reincarnated as!

link and zelda are two normal teens living on skyloft, the island in the sky. they're at an academy to become knights, they fly around on their giant birds, have the cutest fucking friendship ever, and their life is pretty damn good aside from a few bullies, like groose. but one day when link and zel are out flying a storm appears and rips zelda out of the sky. bye bye zelda. link is in a panic, and is called by uh. the force? to where the goddess sword and fi have been slumbering. he draws fi, puts on a snazzy green hat, and sets off for the world under skyloft to find zelda.

on the surface, he finds that zelda was saved from the storm by impa, her badass girlfriend, and that they are on the run trying to purify zelda's soul so she can fully realize her goddess potential. link follows after, and in the process meets the demon twink lord ghirahim, who is trying to capture zelda and use her life force to revive demise. he is the spirit of demise's sword, just as fi is the spirit of link's.

so link is following zelda around and ends up at the temple of the time, where zelda and impa are chilling. ghirahim finds them and zelda and impa book it through a gate of time (time travel? fun!) but not before zelda gives link her magic goddess harp. link goes on a funky quest to learn how to use it. in the process, he meets up w his old bully groose. they make up and team up to save zelda. quality redemption arc, it's super cute. link fights a weakened version of demise that was slowly escaping the seal, the imprisoned. it's a stupid boss fight it's not that important. anyways, now he finds out his sword isnt strong enough to kill demise (it would have been a lot faster if they just told him all of this upfront???) so he has to go beef it up.

he does so using the sacred flames and gets the master sword! that sword is very important! it is in almost every game do not forget it!

link finds a second gate of time, beats the shit outta ghirahim over it, and goes through, ending up in a time right after demise gets sealed away. link learns abt hylia's war and that hylia essentially created him just to fight for her and kill demise, which is a shitty thing to do. agency? hylia has never heard of it. it is a recurring problem w her. so link and zelda learn that the seal that had been keeping demise sleep from the end of the war to the present day was actually zelda. time travel! so she has to stay in a magic coma and do that until link kills demise, w link is pretty upset about, but oh well. he goes and gets the triforce and wishes that demise would idk explode or something. he asks it to kill him. the imprisoned (which came back. its such a fucking stupid enemy) is nuked by the triforce, and link books it to zelda. she wakes up, they hug, it's cute, but BAM ghirahim shows up in his twinkish glory, kidnaps zelda, and decides that if he cant resurrect demise in this time he'd just go back in time and do it in another. Time travel!!!

he tries to sacrifice zelda and link beats the ever loving snot outta him, but he's too slow. demise is back baby!! they fight and link wins bc he's link, but before he could finish him off demise curses him: he says that for the rest of time his hatred shall be reborn to destroy the world, and anyone with the blood of hylia (zelda) or the spirit of the hero (link) will be cursed to forever be reborn to stop him. ouch. anyways link seals him in the master sword (a reoccurring process in the games) the day is saved blah blah blah. which means we're ready for.....

Minish Cap

so this is the first game i ever finished by myself! It is near and dear to me. it was on the gameboy and is fucking adorable.

it has been many many many many years since skyward sword. like multiple milenia. hyule, the land established by link and zelda on the surface in ss, is thriving, life is good. now in this hyrule there are these lil bitty mouse creatures called minish who can only be seen by children and do good deeds like hide money in the grass and help you find lost things. every year, the hylians in castle town, the capital of hyrule, hold a festival to honor them.

okay enough exposition!

link, a 10~ year old blacksmith apprentice, (hylia starts em on the trauma train young lol) is meeting up w his best friend, princess zelda, and go to the festival. she gifts him a sheild and he goes with her to watch a sword tournament where a strange person in purple named vaati beats out the competition. for a prize he's supposed to meet the princess, win a sword, and see the picori blade in person. the picori sword, which was forged by the minish as a gift for the last hero of hyrule (reincarnation remember), is a fancy magic sword that bound a sealed chest that held a shit ton of dark creatures and magic and shit. instead of accepting his prize, vaati breaks the sword releasing the dark magic.

he had come in search of the magical light force, a sacred power that is in zelda bc she has the blood of hylia. a note: the words light force/triforce/sacred power/etc are all used when talking abt zelda and vary from game to game. they mean the exact same thing, that she's got the blood of hylia and ~magic goddess powers~. okay to our regularly scheduled programming. so vaati is pissed he didn't find the light force, thinking it was a physical thing he could take, so he murders the guards and turns zelda to stone. link tries and fails to protect her, and once vaati leaves decides that, despite being ten and vaati being a grown man with magic, he's gonna kill vaati and save zelda. he decides the best step would be to fix the picori blade so he sets out for minish woods to find them.

on the way he finds..... a talking hat! the minish cap! or, a cap that is literally a minish. it is a minish sorcererer named ezlo who was curses by vaati into a cap. turns out, vaati wasnt always some big tough guy-he's actually minish! he was ezlo's apprentice who went mad with power, turned himself into a human, and decided to steal the light force. with ezlo's magic, link is able to shrink down to the size of a minish, speak to animals, do certain magic, etc etc etc. so link learns that in order to remake the picori blade, he needs the four elements and sets off on a quest to find them. Link places them and the sword in the elemental sanctuary and forges the four sword, a holy blade that can split its user into four people. link learns from the history of the sanctuary that zelda holds the light force.

meanwhile, vaati has been spying on link. uh oh! he seens when link learns about zelda! uh oh!!! vaati steals zelda's body and begins a ritual to extract her soul/life force/whatever so he can get the power. fun fact, if you take too slow in the boss fight she will die. it will tell you that you were too slow and she is dead now. 10 year old me was traumatized the first time that happened. link beats vaati and him and zelda seal his evil final boss form away in the four sword and place the sword in the sanctuary. the day is saved <3 .... or is it????!?!

Four Sword/Four Sword Adventures

god where to even start. so there games are multiplayer and have almost no plot. i could give the plot of the manga, but it is 100% non canon, so that seems like a waste. Basically: vaati as giant evil bat thing gets free of the four sword. kidnaps zelda. link pulls sword to kill him, turns into four people. a few dungons later he kills vaati. the end. told ya there was no plot.

Ocarina of Time

back to plot! so! much! plot!!!!! Welcome to one of the, if not the, most well know of the games. it was zelda's first 3d game and created a whole generation of zelda fans. a note though: the plot carries some concerning race problems. our main villain is the king of 'thieves from the desert' called the gerudo who all have dark skin and large noses, and the women all wear stereotypical sexualized ~exotic~ belly dancer outfits. they make uncomfortably sexual shouts when link kills them. it's not good. the gerudo appear multiple times in the series and none of them are done well. the gerudo are a race of all women, with one man being born every 100 years and automatically becoming king, and this lore is often written in a very transmisogynistic way, especially in one of the later games, breath of the wild. basically, the racism, misogyny, and occasional transmisogyny cannot be ignored when talking about the gerudo and ocarina of time. okay back to plot.

it has been a long, long, long, long, long time since vaati and the four sword. since then, there has been a bloody civil war. ten years after it ends, we open on our hero....

deep in hyrule forest lives a race of forest spirits called the kokiri. they are eternal children, gifted immortality but unable to age or leave the forest, and are watched over by the great deku tree, a forest deity in the shape of a giant tree. each kokiri has a guardian fairy who watches over them- except for one. ten year old link (thank you hylia for traumatizing children) lives in kokiri forest and he is the only boy without a fairy :( it's just him and his bestie saria, and he faces relentless bullying from mido. one night, he has a horrible nightmare of a man on horseback chasing a woman and girl and is woken up by a... fairy! link has a fairy now! her name is navi and she tells link that he's being summoned by the great deku tree. after some harassment via mido and grabbing a sword and shield, the two of them are off. they meet up with the tree and his killer mustache only to learn that the deku tree has been cured by a wicked man in black armor (who totally isn’t our main villain /s). link goes inside the tree to break the curse, which took the form of a giant spider, but it was too late. the deku tree died, but not after giving link the spiritual stone of the forest: the kokiri emerald. he tells link the stone is magic and he has to bring it to hyrule castle and the princess asap. so link books it, apparently forgetting the kokiri die when they leave the forest but whatever. he's stopped by saria who also seems to have forgotten he will DIE if he leaves the forest, and she tells him she always knew he was different from the rest of them and destined to leave. ouch. she gives him her ocarina and tells him to remember her, because they'd always be best friends, no matter what

:*(

so link leaves and finds his way to castle town where he then sneaks into the castle and finds.... the girl from his dream! uh oh! that's princess zelda, who told him she had a dream of a child from the forest with a shining stone and a fairy who came to her to help her banish the dark clouds over hyrule. she thinks ganondorf, the gerudo king, is what the dark clouds represent, and her and link go snooping. turns out that... it's the man from his dream! shit! that's not good!

zelda tells him that ganon plans to steal the triforce, and bc no one else believes her it is up to her and link to stop him. she tells him there are 4 things ganon needs to unlock the entrance to the sacred realm: the three spiritual stones (kokiri emerald, zora sapphire, and goron ruby) and the ocarina of time (game title shout out!!!). zelda has the ocarina hidden, so link just has to grab the rest of the stones. link sets out, but not before impa (the woman from the dream. this is a lot of dream people. also, a second impa! cool! ) tells him 'zelda's lullaby', which he can play on saria's ocarina when proof of his connection to the royal family is needed.

link goes to see the gorons and the zora; he befriends goron chief durania, becoming his brother in arms, and gets the ruby, then saves princess ruto of the zora, who proposes and gives him the sapphire. link runs back to zelda- uh oh! zelda and impa are being chased by ganon on horseback! just like the DrEaM!!!

Ganon spots link, knocks him around a bit bc who doesn't love attacking children, zelda tosses the ocarina of time to him, and link books it to the temple of time to unlock the sacred realm. he does so and what does he find? the master sword! i told ya not to forget it! so, sacred realm open, he pulls the sword, and wakes up 7 years in the future. ganon stole the triforce while he was gone, but bc ganon's soul was unbalanced the triforce split into it's three parts; ganon kept the triforce of power, zelda the triforce of wisdom, and link the triforce of courage. in 99.9 percent of the games, if the triforce is there, it's broken up between them in that way. SO ANYWAYS, zelda is mia and now link is a grown-up. guess he's not really a kokiri then. weirdest way to find you're adopted, right? so link is an adult now and the world has ended, but while he's sitting there like 'wtf do i do now?' out of the shadows, comes the world's coolest most transgender ninja, sheik. sheik is a sheikah (who would have guessed?) a race of secretive shadow people who have been protecting the hyrule royal family since impa #1 in skyward sword. so sheik is like 'yo dude, life fuckin SUCKS rn, but you are the hero of time and it is your duty to save hyrule!'

so sheik follows link around, giving him advice, helping him, etc etc, they're buds. sheik tells him to save the six sages: the light sage, rauru, the sage of fire, durania (remember him?), the sage of water, ruto (remember her??) the sage of shadow, impa (remember her???), the sage of spirit, naburoo, a gerudo warrior who we meet through a rather confusing bit of time travel, and the sage of forest, saria! REMEMBER HER?!?!?!

so now link has the sages, which gives him the power to go and kill ganon. he's gearing up to go stab him when sheik pops up.

'hi link!' they say. 'so you know how i said i was sheikah? i lied! i'm actually princess zelda, the seventh sage!'

link is like, holy shit my bestie is not, in fact, a ninja but instead royalty! and almost as soon as he says that, ganon shows up and gives this monologue that’s basically just, 'i knew the princess would show herself if i watched you long enough. guess i was right!' and kidnaps sheik/zelda. link goes off after him, they fight. link wins! ganon turns into a giant evil pig! link wins!! zelda and the sages are saved. zelda tells him that she's sorry that he lost his childhood to this, so with the ocarina of time she sends him back 7 years. Back at the start of the game, link tells the king what he knows, ganondorf is arrested before he can take over the world, and life is good (is it tho? is it really?). navi, link's beloved fairy, vanishes, and his heart is broken. story ends w a deeply traumatized child, the end.

but is it the end? is it? is it really? no, no it is not <3 when link did all that time travel he caused a three way timeline split: the child timeline, the adult timeline, and the defeated timeline. it gets even more complicated from here, buckle up!

CHILD TIMELINE

the timeline here starts when adult link returns to the begging of oot to get ganon arrested. hyrule is saved before it can be taken over, and link is 10 again with a shit load of trauma and no therapist <3

Majora's Mask

considered the darkest zelda game out there, and so stressful that i have never actually played it and just watched lets plays, majora's mask takes place immediately after ocarina of time. like 3 days after. link is a depressed and traumatized ten years old having had to spend the past few months as a fully developed 17 year old (or as developed as a teen can get), which is fucking with his sense of self, on top of that, navi has disappeared. he decides he's going to find her, takes the ocarina of time and this horse, epona, and goes off into the world to find his fairy.

While he’s riding through the woods his horse is spooked by two fairies: tatl and tael, who are siblings and work with skull kid. Link is thrown off the horse and knocked out for a bit. Out of the shadows comes said skull kid— skull kids are a race of mischievous child spirits from the forest, but this particular skull kid has an attitude. He begins going through link’s stuff, intending to rob him. One notable feature of skull kid is his mask; he has this really creepy mask he wears called the majora’s mask (name drop!!). The mask is actually magic! It houses the spirit majora, a evil spirit hellbent on destruction that was sealed in there by a tribe of evil sorcerers. By wearing it, skull kid has been given magic powers but has also become steadily corrupted. By the end of the game he isn’t even a conscious person anymore, just a vessel for majora. Basically, he was a little shit throughout the game but it wasn’t really his fault.

So anyways, link is knocked out and skull kid is going through his stuff. He finds the ocarina of time and begins messing with it when link wakes up; link tries to grab it but skull kid steals his horse and books it. Link takes off in pursuit. they end up meeting up underground in front of a giant door; skull kid tells link he disposed of epona ( D: ) and makes fun of him when link is obviously upset, and then turns link into a deku sprout, a small wooden plant creature. skull kid bolts, but tatl gets left behind. she and link go through the door, which they find out lead underneath clock town, the capital of termina, the country link has found himself in. there, they meet a very creepy man w a very large backpack: the happy mask salesman, who hits them with one of the game's iconic quotes 'you've met with a terrible fate, haven't you?'

the salesman tells link that skull kid stole the mask from him and that if link got it back for him he would show him how to turn back to normal, but that link only had three days. he was leaving in three days, he needed it back in three days. okay we've established how important the three days are, and thats bc skull kid is going to make the FUCKING MOON fall and destroy termina in three days <3 so link is on a race against time to stop him.

link does not manage to stop him. he gets to the top of the clock tower where skull kid is and recovers his ocarina, but he's unable to stop majora. tael (remember him?) tells them to find the four giants. only they can stop majora. link plays the song of time, which turns back time. he's able to turn himself back into a human with the song of healing, which heals souls, turning the spirit of the deku scrub inside him into a mask he can use to turn into one at will.

determined to save termina, link goes to find all four giants, saving townsfolk and completing sidequests along the way. as he helps people he gains masks, which help him in different ways with their magic. he heals the souls of two other people, a zora named mikau, which gives him the zora mask, allowing him to turn into a zora, and a goron named darmani, which gets him a mask that... lets him turn into a goron. he finds his horse and fights some baddies. the giants are freed. on the final three day cycle he goes to the top of the clock tower to face majora. majora flees to the inside of the moon when the giants stop it from falling and link follows. he finds a field filled with a handful of children playing. through playing with them, he eventually gains the fierce deity mask, which houses the soul of a war god. with it, ke kills majora, fixes the moon, frees skull kid, and saves the day.

he wanders into the distance, and no one ever hears from link again-- alive.

(the fierce deity (right) and majora (left), drawn by cynthia leman @ https://cynthia_leman.artstation.com/)

Twilight Princess

We're back in hyrule! bye bye termina! it's been a while since oot and hyule is at peace. nowhere is it more peaceful than ordon village. there lives a teen named link who works with the goat ranch, babysits the local children, Beth, Malo, Talo, and Colin (his favorite (shh dont tell anyone)) enjoys fishing, slingshots, and the occasional spar with his friends. life is good and everything is perfect <3

one night, his father figure rusl asks him to deliver a sword to castle town. link agrees, and the next day as he's getting ready the children of the village noticed a monkey and chase after it. link follows, bc he is the resident baby sitter and has to keep the kids safe. he finds the kids being attacked by monsters-- a sign that the peace in hyrule is starting to fade. he goes and does his goat job with his horsie epona and him, colin, and his bestie ilia chill at a spring afterwords. all is well until....... MONSTERS! they attack, kidnap colin and ilia, and when link persues he finds a giant wall of black magic. he is pulled in by a shadow beast, who tries to kill him, only for his hand to glow, beating off the beast with holy power. it's the..... triforce of courage!! link has it!! anways, the world he is in now is covered with a magic called twilight that reduces life forms from the light realm, like link, into shadows of themselves/ghosts/etc. but bc of the triforce, link just turns into a wolf. he's a dirty furry.

link wakes up in a cell in castle town, close to the hyrule castle, and a very mean twilight imp named midna promises to help him escape and free his friends if he helps her in return.

(our beloved furry boy and his mean imp friend)

midna helps link escape and leads him into the castle where he meets princess zelda. zelda explains that hyrule has been invaded by zant, the usurper king of the twilight realm, who promised to let her people live if she surrendered hyrule to him. knowing her army was no match for the twlight one and desperate to protect her people, she surrenders, becoming a prisoner in her own castle forced to watch her kingdom succumb to the twilight magic and its effects.

midna helps link return to the world of light, or the area of hyrule not yet invaded by twilight magic and twilight monsters, and tells him he has to get her a sword and shield so she can start her quest. they go to ordon, link still trapped in wolf form, and go hunting for swords and sheilds. before he can leave, he finds Ordona, the spirit of the ordon region and one of the four light spirits that watch over hyrule. ordona begs him to free the light spirits corrupted by the twilight and says that only he can defeat zant and bring back the light. bc ya know. triforce. link finds and frees faron, a second spirit, and she transforms him back into a human, telling him he holds the spirit of the hero and was chosen by the gods, making him the one most qualified to save the world. lots of people r telling link to save the world. i think he gets the hint guys.

midna tells link that they need the fused shadows, a form of very dark, very dangerous twilight magic, to kill zant. gee, you might ask, midna, why are you helping? you're not very nice, you don't like the light world, you talk abt how much better twilight is-- why are you invested? why do you have zant? what's in it for you? Those are all very good questions but we aren't there yet!

so midna and link go and find the fused shadows. they make a pit stop in kakariko village, and find the kiddos from ordon, including colin! he's safe!! that's one friend found, one to go. link gets a shadow, then goes to castle town in search of clues for the next shadow, and finds ilia instead! wooh!! all our friends are back!! she's got no memory but w/e that gets fixed eventually. link saves the zora and gets another shadow, and in the process meets the spirit lanayru, the final light spirit.

lanayru tells link abt the interlopers, a tribe of shadow people with powerful magic that tried to invade and control the sacred realm. the goddessses sealed them away from the world of light, which became the twilight realm, and took their magic to make the fused shadows. she warns link of how addicting the shadows are, and link and midna finally have what they need.

midna and link set out to find zant, but he finds them first. he steals the shadows (uh oh), critically injures midna ( Uh Oh) and curses link with a shadow crystal that will permanently turn him into a wolf (UH OH). midna is literally dying, and link is panicing. knowing that zelda knows strong light magic, he runs to the castle in hopes the princess can save midna and break the curse. zelda cannot break the curse, even with the triforce of wisdom-- it is too dark, and only the master sword (!!!) which repels all evil will be able to purge the twilight from his body. she then gives up her spirit to midna, saving midna but losing her soul in the process. zelda really just died to save her. honey that's gay.

link and midna find the master sword, saving link and allowing him to transform at will like the furry he is. they need to track zant down for a rematch, but link doesnt know where to go. thankfully, midna does! she tells him of the mirror of twilight, which is used to go between the light realm and the twilight realm, and which zant used to reach hyrule. she him that the power he has been using is diffrent than twilight magic, something she's never seen before. how does she know what twilight magic looks like? how does she know what zant's magic looks like?

midna tells link that is the princess of the twilight realm-- the twilight princess, you could say (name drop!!). she is the rightful holder of the crown of the twilight realm and holds claim to a great amount of hereditary twilight magic, but zant wanted the throne. he thought he deserved it, and was bitter that she gained it instead of him. he cursed her into her imp from with strange new magic he had gotten from his 'master'. ill let you guess who that is. hint: his name starts with a g and ends in orf.

they go to where the mirror is and find it shattered into four pieces by zant. there they also find the ghosts of the ancient sages, who tell minda that zants power is coming from ganondorf. wow who would have guessed!

back in oot, when link told the king what ganondorf was planning and ganon was arrested, he was ordered to be put to death. his execution was carried out by these sages, but what they didn't know was that ganon held the triforce of power. with its magic he broke free and began killing the sages. desperate, they opened the mirror to the twilight realm and shoved ganon in, closing it behind him. for this current link, it has been ages since the hero of time. for ganon, it has been weeks. Now link and midna have bigger fish to fry than zant: they need to get the mirror pieces, get to the twilight realm, and kill ganon.

speaking of oot link! remember how i mentioned no one ever saw him again, alive? that's bc someone saw him while he was dead! through his adventure, this current link was being tutored by the hero's shade, the ghost of a mighty adventurer who teaches him how to fight and be courageous. this shade was oot link! he was appearing to tp link not only bc he was a hero chosen by the gods, but also because he was a descendent of oot link! somewhere during his lifetime post-termina, oot link got it on and centuries later tp link popped out. family reunion w grandpa and great-great-great-great grandson <3

okay back to the adventure plot. link and midna get the shards after a lot of shenanigans, including an entire dungeon based on making soup for a yeti, and they are ready to fight! they go to zant's castle in th twilight realm and midna fuckin explodes him with the fused shadow, then they turn around and go to hyrule castle to kill ganon. there they do not find ganon, but they do find zelda's corpse :D ganon possesses her and they fight. link wins, zelda's alive again, and he beats the shit outta ganon with they help of some light arrows. the world is saved and midna's curse is broken. she returns to the twilight realm and smashes the mirror, keeping any further contact severed.

DOWNFALL TIMELINE

so we remember ocarina of time link, right? cute little ten year old, has a fairy, was horribly traumatized over two adventures, whose life sucked in general?

yeah he's dead. fuckin dead.

the downfall timeline is one of the three timeline splits caused by oot. we just finished the child timeline, and this timeline happens when link fails to kill ganon. after ganon takes the triforce, when link is 17, he kills link in the final battle. the world falls into ruin. the apocalypse occurs. everything sucks and poor link is fucking dead.

having killed link, ganon is able to steal the triforce of courage, and with that and the triforce of power, takes the triforce of wisdom from zelda. he has the entire triforce, making him nearly invincible and holding ultimate, unlimited power. in a final act of desperation, zelda and the six sages seal him in the sacred realm, destroying it in the process. this holy place of dwelling for the gods becomes corrupted, becoming the dark world.

For a moment, there was peace. with ganon gone, the land of hyrule began to rebuild. but it did not last long and the imprisoning wars began. having heard of the triforce's dwelling place in the sacred realm, hundreds flocked to the sacred realm, trying to steal the holy power for themselves. people came in, demons and monsters came out, and no one ever returned. the sages decided to destroy the entrance to the sacred realm instead of just sealing it, cutting hyrule off entirely from the holy triforce, causing increasing ruin to the land. Hyrule was in shambles, impoverished and broken, and many, many years passed with the memory of a prosperous hyrule being left to time.

A Link To The Past

it is raining. storming, actually, pouring in the middle of the night with thunder shaking the earth. link, a young boy (with pink hair <3) is woken from his dreams by a strange voice. It's a girl, around his age, who says her name is princess zelda and that the wizard agahnim had imprisoned her below the castle. He's kidnapped the seven sages, a group of holy women, and now planned to take her too, hoping to break open the doors to the sacred realm and break the seal on ganon so they could rule both the light and dark world's together.

link knew he had to help. despite the late hour, his beloved uncle is putting his cloak on. he tells link that he would be back shortly and to go back to sleep.

link does not go back to sleep. armed with nothing but his wits and a lantern, link found his way to the castle dungeon, stumbling over his dying uncle. the man gives him his sword and shield before passing away. link is completely on his own. he frees the princess and takes her to a holy sanctuary, and goes out to find the pendants of virtue so that he might draw the master sword (!!!) and defeat agahnim. he does so, and rushes to defeat the wizard, only to see he has found zelda. link watches in horror as he sends her to the dark word; link defeats agahnim, but with the last of his strength the wizard sends out a mind-warping curse to convince all of hyrule that it was link who harmed zelda, and throws link into the dark world....

....where he turns into a bunny.

(seriously. that's link the pink bunny)

Link finds a magic mirror that lets him leave the dark world at will to rescue the sages, but can only stay human with the help of his moon pearl. Link finds agahnim was just a vessel for ganon, and the two fight. link wins! yey!! He finds the triforce among ganon's dead corpse (i guess?) and uses it to wish hyrule into prosperity again. he returns it to the royal family, and we go to...

Link's Awakening

post alttp, link has decided he needs a vacation. While sailing, his boat is ripped apart by a hurricane and he wakes up on the beaches of Koholint, a tropical island that's like something out of a dream. link meets Marin, and the two become fast friends. it's implied that it might be a bit more than that, but regardless they are very, very close. marin is a beautiful singer and teaches link all about the island she tells him that she dreams of turning into seagull and flying away to be free from koholint.

link learns the only way to leave koholint is to collect the instruments of the sirens and wake the wind fish, a mystical creature that slept in an egg ontop of the tallest mountain. link does so, but learns that the island and everything in it, including marin, was just the fish's dream, and that by waking it the island will fade away. link wakes the fish and wakes up in his wrecked ship, all alone.

Oracle of Ages and Oracle of Seasons

Link's back! And so is ganon! Twinrova, two witches that raised ganon, decide they want their baby back. For this they need three flames to be lit: The Flame of Destruction, the Flame of Sorrow, and the Flame of Despair, and follow these with a human sacrifice. Fun!! In order to obtain these flames, the witches sent General Onox to Holodrum and Veran, to Labrynna, two countries near hyrule. One day, when Link visited Hyrule Castle, the Triforce beckoned him into its chamber. Remember, link saved the triforce so it's just chillin now. Once he placed his hands on the Triforce, bc i guess he has triforce touching privliges after saving it, it transported him to the distant land of Holodrum. That's a stupid fucking name but w/e.

Upon awakening in Holodrum, Link finds some road side performers and a dancer, Din. Which is suspiciously close to the name of the goddess Din, buuuut nintendo never goes anywhere with that. Link danced with Din, but then a whirlwind appeared and snatched Din away! i feel like we've seen 'important girl being snatched by storm' before but w/e. Din was actually the Oracle of Seasons, which isn't really explained BUT it means that with her gone, the seasons in Holodrum are thrown into chaos. The only way to restore balance to the seasons was to collect the eight Essences of Nature scattered around Holodrum. Link gets the rod of seasons, which manipulates the seasons (obviously) and gets what he needs. He defetes Onox and rescues Din, and then in transported to Labrynna! But uh oh, the Flame of Destruction is still lit.

So link's in labrynna now. He finds impa, and is like 'holy shit! impa! long time no see!' and they team up. they find nayru (more goddess name!?!) and impa turns into a shadow and possesses Nayru. turns out she was an illusion from Veran. Veran uses nayru's time travel abilities to go back in time and influence the queen to build the black tower. Link uese the Harp of Ages to travel back and forth between the present and the past in order to collect the eight Essences of Time and challenge Veran atop the black towner. he kills her, but the Flame of Sorrow had been lit.

In order to light the third and final flame, and also have their human sacrifice, twinrova kidnapped zelda who had arrived in Labrynna. This would complete their dark ritual and light the Flame of Despair. but link beats the shit outta then, and as a last-ditch effort to complete the sacrifice, they give their bodies to ganon. but unfortunatly for them, because the ritual was incomplete, Ganon returned as a mindless beast and not their beloved lil boy. Link beats the shit outta ganon and seals him away (why are we sealing and not killing??), restoring peace to Holodrum and Labrynna

the end!

The Triforce Separates

oh noooo, more triforce problems. @ the gods did you ever consider that maybe the triforce was a bad idea? so after link's adventures in holodrum and labrynna, the triforce is split apart, which it is like 90% of the time at this point. ganon, despite being sealed away, still has the triforce of power. the triforce of courage's location is unknown, but most likely link hid it bc he's sick and tired of triforce shenanigans

A Link Between Worlds

so we are finally, finally dealing w a new time. centuries have passed, the triforce of courage is still missing, and link is sleeping in. he is a blacksmith apprentice, and the son of the blacksmith he works for drags him outta bed. link is told to deliver a sword to the captain of the guard, and finds him in the sanctuary-- dead. the keeper of the sanctuary, Seres, turns out to be a sage (we have a lot of sages in this series okay) and is turned into a painting by the sorcerer Yuga. link gets the shit beat out of him and wakes up in his house. he has been saved by ravio, a merchant who always hides his face and is also a lil shit. he rents link items in exchange for letting him crash on the couch, and also gives him a strange bracelet as thanks.

link goes and tells princess zelda and her friend impa abt seres. she gives link a charm, which turns out to be one of the three he needs to unlock the master sword (!!!!!!!!!). yuga captures the rest of the sages and zelda, turning them to paintings, and when link gets too close to winning, turns him into one too! the bracelet that ravio gave him began to glow and pulled link out of the wall. he can now turn into a painting at will. Link goes to confront yuga in a final battle.

turns out, yuga is from lorule, a parallel universe similar to the dark world. he frees ganon but cannot control him, turning into a beast. the princess of lorule, hilda, holds him back and tells link to save the sages, who have been sent to lorule. in doing so, link awakens the triforce of courage. he returns to confront ganon and learns that hilda was behind it the whole time!! the leaders of her land destroyed their triforce, hoping to stop the wars it caused, but only ended up destroying the kingdom in the process. hilda hoped to steal the hyrulian triforce to replace their own. right before she can attack, ravio appears! he was the hero counterpart of lorule, just like link was to hyrule, but knew he could never beat yuga, instead going to hyrule to find a hero who could, link. he talks hylia down and the day is saved without violence. link and zelda wish on their triforce for lorule's triforce to be restored, and everyone lives happily ever after.

Triforce Heros

Fashion break! This game is silly and cute and I love it.

(they're so fucking cute i cant handle it)

Link leaves the hyrule and books it to hytopia for a vacation. There he is recruited by the witch-hunting brigade to defeat the evil witch lady maud. The witch had cursed princess styla into wearing an irremovable brown jumpsuit. it is very ugly, and in fashion-forward hytopia, that is a fate worse than death.

Link teams up with two other heros, blue and red, that look just like him to gather the pieces of the lady's ensemble. they defeat maud and the witch's younger sister, madame mouture, assembles the outfit, which frees styla. yey!! back to real games

The Golden Era and Era of Decline

*mr incredible voice* can the triforce not cause problems for TEN MINUTES???

following the recovery of the triforce in albw, hyrule enters the Golden Era. For a very long time, the hyrule flourishes.

the triforce is passed down from ruler to ruler, but the last such king, doubting his son's worthiness, hides the triforce of courage and, upon his death, casts a spell on hyrule such that a the triforce will only appear on day on a boy worthy of weilding it. the king tells zelda where it is, then dies.

the unworthy prince ascends to the throne. he only has the triforce of wisdom and power and desperately wants the full thing, so he questions zelda on where courage is. when she refuses to reveal her father's secret, the prince puts her under a spell of eternal sleep.f illed with regret, the new King places the princess on the altar in a far away castle.

the prince governs hyrule to the best of his ability, but without the power of the full triforce the kingdom falls into ruin. the life withers away, monsters become worse, it's a fucking mess. . The triforce of power and the triforce of wisdom continue to be passed down within the royal family. The existence of the triforce of courage is all but forgotten.

The Legend of Zelda (yes, THE legend of zelda. the first ever one <3)

Many, many years later, ganon has been freed. leading an army of monsters, he attacks the hyrulian royal family, led by princess zelda, a descendent of the sleepy time zelda, and takes the trifoce of power. knowing the destruction that will come if he gains more of the triforce, she splits the triforce of wisdom into pieces and scatters them through hyrule. zelda sends her nursemaid impa to find someone with the courage to defeat ganon, but impa is attacked after leaving the castle, only to be saved by a young child: link.

seeing true courage in him, impa tells him of the triforce and asks him to save hyrule, despite him being like. ten. hylia starts them young. Link collects the pieces of the triforce of wisdom from the eight dungons across the hyrule and then confronts ganon in death mountain. with the triforce of wisdom, the magical sword, and silver arrows he defeats ganon, and zelda declares link the hero of hyrule

The Adventure of Link

it's been a few years, and link is now 16. ganon is dead, but his monsters and followers remain. the follows in particular are a problem for link-- if they manage to get a hold of his blood and spill it on ganon's ashes, they can complete a spell that will resurrect ganon. link is on the run. life sucks. on his sixteenth birthday, a glowing golden triangle appears on link's hand (wow i wonder what that could be!?!?!). link goes to impa and zelda in hopes they knew what it is. impa uses him (literally. like sticks his body on the door) to open the chamber where the old zelda has been sleeping all these years. it's been like 100 years, i think??

impa tells link about the breaking of the triforce, the hiding of the triforce of courage, and zelda's curse. she entrusts him with six crystals and an ancient scroll written by the king who had hidden the triforce of courage all those years ago. link learns from reading the scroll that the triangle on his hand is the result of a spell cast by the king, marking him as worthy of the triforce of courage. now he just has to find it. the scroll indicates that the triforce of courage is located in the great palace. which is. a great palace. to enter Link must go to each of the six palaces in Hyrule, defeat the guardian defending it, and set one of the crystals in the heads of each of the statues located in the palaces. Impa gives link the triforces of power and wisdom, and tells him that by uniting the three pieces of the triforce, he can undo the spell cast on the sleeping zelda, and, most importantly, return prosperity to hyrule. a full triforce again willrestore the land.

link does what was told of him and, in a final trial at the great palace, defeats his own shadow, dark link, to obtain the triforce of courage.

link is now the only link ever who has held the full triforce, making him the strongest of the links. link returns to hyrule castle. The three pieces of the triforce unite before the altar and he sleeping zelda awakens. with the connected triforce, peace is returned to hyrule.

(link with the full triforce)

Aaaaand we're done with the downfall timeline! One more timeline left!

ADULT TIMELINE

in the adult timeline, we are once again back to oot. remember how link left the hyrule were he was 17 to return to the beginning of the game to stop ganon? well, that world didn't disappear when link left. it continued to heal and eventually prosper with ganon defeated. but slowly, in the years after oot, ganon had been building his strength. he attacked and the people of hyrule waited in desperation for the hero of time to appear-- but he never did. he was too busy in termina. so ganon took control of the world. the people prayed to the goddesses to save them, and in order to prevent ganon's conquest, the gods flooded hyrule, creating a vast sea, the Great Sea, and destroying everything in the process. hyrule was safe from ganon, but drowned below the waves. the triforce of wisdom was split into two, one piece staying with the king of hyrule, who drowned, and the other with princess zelda who barely escaped, and she passed it down throughout her family line. the triforce of courage vanished, and the kingdom of hyrule was forgotten over time, but the people of the islands of the great sea still remembered the barest of bones of the myths of that hyrule. they gifted their children with green clothes like the hero of time when they turned 12 in hopes it would remind them to be courageous always. and this is where out next story begins......

(art from the prologue of wind waker telling the story of the downfall of hyrule)

Wind Waker

link is having a nap on the watch tower of his island home. it is a special day: his birthday! His 12th birthday in fact! His grandma gifts him green clothes and his little sister, aryll, gives him her precious telescope as a gift. life is good until they see a giant fucking bird in the sky. i mean GIANT. plane giant. it's carrying away a young girl!! and being followed by a pirate ship! the ship manages to hit the bird, the helmaroc king, with a canonball, but that just makes the bird drop the girl somewhere into the forests of the island. Link grabs a sword and takes off for the forest, determined to save her.

the girl's name is tetra, and she's a pirate captain who did not need help, thank you very much!!! she and link start walking back to the mainland but are stopped by aryll on the way. link watches in horror as the helmaroc king snatches up his little sister, thinking she was tetra, and flies away.

link demands the pirates take him to save her, and they laugh in his face, only to get shamed by quill, a rito mailman. girls with goldren hair and long ears have been being kidnapped, and despite not looking like that, aryll was taken-- because the bird got her confused with tetra. so the kidnapping was her fault and the least she could do was help link save her. begrudgingly, tetra agrees and takes link to the forbidden fortress where the bird has taken up shop. link sneaks through the fortress and finds his sister, but before he can free her the bird snatches him up and takes him to its master- GANONDOF!!11! he has freed himself from the watery grave of hyrule and is now searching for the triforce that he might resurrect hyrule and take back the kingdom and the great sea. he orders the bird to throw link into the ocean to drown.

link gets chucked into the open sea, but does not drown! yey!! instead he's saved by a talking boat, the king of red lions.

the boat gives link the wind waker (title shout out!!), a baton (like w an orchestra) that can control the winds, and tells him that he can only defeat ganon with the master sword (!!!!). link needs three goddess pearls to access the tower of the gods, which will test if link is worthy to wield it. the first is din's pearl, which is with the dragon spirit valoo at dragon roost island, the home of the rito. the problem is, valoo has gone off the walls and is destroying everything. the rito prince komali has the peal but is terrified of valoo and refuses to give it to link unless he can prove he is worthy of it. link sets off to calm valoo alongside medli, valoo's attendant. together they stop the monster that has been harassing valoo and link receives the pearl.

next link and boat set off for forest haven, where we meet....... the deku tree!! or a descendent of the deku tree from oot. there we meet the koroks too! they are the descendants of the kokiri, and they are adorable.

the koroks say they will give him the peal after a ceremony they need to perform. but oh no, one of the koroks with an important part is missing! makar has gotten stuck in the forbidden woods and link has to find him. he does, returns him home safely, and gets the pearl.

next is great fish isle where the ocean spirit jabun, but when link + boat arrive the island has been destroyed and jabun is missing. ganon beat them there.

quill tells him that jabun has gone into hiding in a sealed cave near link's home, bc apparently postmen know everything. link learns that the pirates know of jabun's location, and are planning to take the pearl, thinking it was some kind of treasure. tetra buys link some time to get to the island and link manages to bomb his way in where he meets jabun. he gets the last peal and enters the tower of the gods. there he proves his worthiness and gets the master sword (!!!!)

he returns to the forbidden fortress, frees aryll, kills the giant bird, and confronts ganon. But the magic has left the sword, and it cannot defeat ganon. ganon attacks link, bc apparently a grown man is cool w murdering a 12 year old, but is stopped by valoo and tetra, who have come to save the day. Ganon grabs tetra and the triforce of power he holds begins to freak out-- it knows another triforce is close. Tetra is the descendant of princess zelda and holds the triforce of wisdom. valoo sets ganon's hideout on fire before he can hurt tetra and link and tetra flee.

Boat takes the two kids back to the tower of the gods where a portal has opened up to a castle beneath the waves-- hyrule castle. boat appears in the form of a man: he was the king of hyrule who took half of the triforce of wisdom. with tetra and his pieces she transforms into princess zelda (in which her skin is lightened bc nintendo cant get through one game w/o being racist) and told she has to remain below the sea for her own safety.

ganon killed the two sages who had been keeping the master sword powerful, back before the word got flooded. link + boat need to find their reincarnations in order to fix the master sword. thankfully, we've already met them! link gets makar and medli, they remember their past lives, and the master sword is fixed. link gets the hidden pieces of the triforce of courage and is officially ready to beat ganon's ass.

tetra was taken by ganon and link follows after, eventually fighting him with the help of tetra and some light arrows. Ganon assembles the full triforce, stealing wisdom and courage from the kids, and is ready to wish for hyrule to return so he may control it. however, boat is back as a man and gets to the triforce first, wishing that hyrule stay submerged and a new world might emerge from the ocean, promising prosperity for a new generation. ganon flips shit and attacks some 12 year olds. link finally beats him, stabbing him in the head with the master sword. link and tetra are returned to the surface as boat drowns and the world slowly begins anew.

Phantom Hourglass

Link is a pirate now! He's been traveling with tetra and doing fun pirate things. They are now searching for the ghost ship, and when they find it tetra tried to jump into it, only to violently disappear. Link tries to follow but is thrown overboard.

he wakes on an island and is nursed to health by the fairy ciela, who has amnesia, an old man named oshus. they agree to help link find tetra, and they enlist the help of the reluctant sailor linebeck and his ship after saving him from the temple of the ocean king. link discovers to get to the ghost ship they have to find the spirits of courage, wisdom, and power. they use items found in the temple of the ocean king, but things are getting increasingly dangerous. to overcome the evil forces in the temple, link must use the Sands of Hours within the phantom hourglass (name drop!!). however, using the sands slowly drains his life force (AHH) so he must utilize other creatures around the islands to prevent his life force from being drained. with the hourglass, link is able to locate the spirits of wisdom and power easily, but not the spirit of courge. They find out that spirit looks exactly like ciela. oshus explains that ciela is actually the spirit of courage and she lost her memory when the demon bellum attacked her. He also reveals that he is the ocean king. oshus further explains that he and ciela had to take their present forms to hide from the life-eating monster Bellum, who is the cause of the ghost ship and other evil in the local area, and has taken residence at the very depths of the temple. Link succeeds in his attempt to rescue tetra with the help of the three Spirits, but finds tetra is now a statue, a further effect of bellum's life-draining power.

link continues, with linebeck only agreeing after being promised by oshus that he would grant linebeck one wish with his fish god powers. link learns that the only way to defeat Bellum is to forge the phantom sword from three unique, pure metals around the local islands. after collecting the materials and forging the Phantom Sword, link descends to the bottom level of the temple, and initially appears to defeat Bellum. tetra is freed from the statue form and revived, but before the group can celebrate, Bellum reemerges from the ocean depths and takes Tetra again. ughhhh tetra pls. In the ensuing battle of the linebeck's ship and the ghost ship, linebeck's ship is lost, as well as oshus going missing, and link and tetra are captured. linebeck picks up the phantom sword and is able to free the two kids, at the cost of his own freedom, but is able to give link back the Phantom Sword before Bellum possesses Linebeck but link manages to kill bellum without harming linebeck.

the sand from the phantom hourglass is released into the sea. oshus, now in his true form of awhale, grants linebeck his ship back.tetra and link appear on the pirate ship, where it seems only ten minutes have passed for the rest of the crew and they insist that it was all a dream. BUT still possesses the now-empty hourglass, and spies linebeck's ship on the horizon, so we know the adventure is real.

Spirit Tracks

we're in the home stretch yall. the great sea is officially gone with land having risen from the sea over hundreds of years and creating a new continent and the newly established kingdom of new hyrule. this new land has new spirits, the spirits of good, who were responsable for sealing away a demon named malladus into the earth after a vicious war almost ripped new hyrule apart. malladus was shackled into the earth with train tracks called the spirit tracks (name drop!), which cover new hyrule. now we meet link!

link is an enginer, who meets princess zelda, a direct decentent of tetra, to be offically made a royal enginer. she asks him to meet her in private, as she is suspicious of the chancellor cole and trusts link to help her. link and zelda sneak out of the castle and meet up with alfonzo, link's mentor, who helps them steal a train and slip out to safety outside of castle town. However, the tracks disapear as they flee, causing the train to crash. They are stopped by cole and his right hand man, bryne (who i had a crush on as a kid)

bryne easily takes down alfonzo, despite alfonzo being one buff dude, and beats the shit outta link. loosing conciousness, link watches helplessly as bryne rips the soul out of zelda's body and takes the empty body with them. They send out demon trains, which disrupt the structure of the starting point of the spirit tracks, the tower of spirits, destroying the tacks.. cole and bryne leave, and link wakes up in the medical ward of the castle.

link finds that he can see zelda's spirit, but only he can. zelda gives him the spirit flute, a magical pan flute, and then asks link to take her to the tower of spirits to find out why the tracks disappeared. buuut the tracks are gone, so the only way to get to the tower now is by an old tunnel in the back of the castle.

link and zelda get to the tower and they meet an old woman named Anjean who is a lokomo, a guardian of the tracks. anjean says the only way to restore the tracks is with the rail maps, which will give tracks for four of the five temples across the land. but to do so requires power, which they need to get in the tower. the tower was protected by phantoms, giant armored creaters, but with the corruption of the spirit tracks they have been turned hostile. turns out, zelda can possess them, allowing safe passage in the tower.

link and zelda restore the tracks and figure out the last thing that they need to do to prevent malladus from resurrecting is to lock him back under the altar at the top of the spirit tower. link and zelda climb the tower only to find bryne, who they fight and defeat, only for him to escape to the top of the tower. link and zelda follow, only to see malladus' reseurection completed. malladus possesses zelda's body and turns on bryne. cole and malladus escape on the demon train to the dark realm.

anjean tells the kids the final way to destroy malladus. link must go to the fifth temple and obtain the bow of light, which has the power to split the soul of one from their body. link gets the bow and anjean then gives link the lokomo sword. he and zelda get to the dark realm and board the demon train. zelda possesses some phantom armor and uses it to help Link in the next battle. they climb on top of the train to find cole and malladus. link and zelda eventually reach the front of the train and zelda grabs malladus, giving link the opportunity to shoot him with the bow of light.

malladus' spirit leaves from zelda's body, giving her a chance to retrieve it. she cant at first bc she has been separated from her body for so long, and malladus is about to come back and possess zelda's body when byrne shows up and stops him. she finally gets her body back, but byrne bites the dust. malladus takes Cole's body, then turns into a beast, and link and zelda team up against in, and link beats the shit out of him, killing him.

INTERMISSION

im taking this time to talk abt hyrule warriors! it's not canon, so i wont go into detail, but if you wanna know more, you can go here

THE GREAT CALAMITY

10,000 Years Ago

It has been a long, long time since the hero of time. We don't know what timeline the Great Calamity is, but it has been at LEAST 10,000 years. a long time. remember the sheikah? they have become a technologically and magically advanced society with the power to do great, unimaginable things. the hyrulian royal family learns that calamity ganon, a form of ganon so overwhelmed by demise's curse and a lust for power that it has become a creature outside of sentience made of nothing but malice, rage, and hatred, is growing power and will soon attack. they turn to the sheikah, who create an army of robots call guardians to fight alongside the hyrulian army, and four giant machine called divine beasts controlled by champions that are capable of extreme destruction to help destroy ganon. all of this would be led by a chosen hero who carries the master sword (!!!) and a princess born with a holy power. with all of this, the hero and the princess defeated ganon and sealed him away. for 10,000 there was peace. but the royal family was paranoid. they were scared of sheikah power. so they gave the sheikah a choice: give up their tech and way of life, or die. Half gave up their culture and went on to be humble farmers and servants of the family, and half stood their ground. furious, they aligned themselves with the only thing that hated hyrulians as much as they did... ganon. they became the yiga class and went underground, plotting and planning, waiting for the day when ganon would rise again.

Breath of the Wild

your name is link-- or at least you think it is. you wake up in a dark room hooked up to a glowing machine, and a woman's voice tells you your name is link and you have to wake up. you find a few pieces of dirty, rotting clothes and most importantly, a strange piece of tech called a sheikah slate. you find the exit of the cave you've been slumbering in and the woman calls you the light that will save hyrule. your name is link and you have lost your memory and have been asleep for the past one hundred years.

one hundred years ago, there was a princess named zelda. her father, the king, heard from a soothsayer that ganon was gathering power and that the power to destroy it had been buried by time, waiting to be discovered. they unearthed the divine beasts and called for champions to pilot them. vah ruta would be manned by the zora princess, mipha. vah rudania would be manned by the gonon warrior daruk. vah medo would be manned by the famed rito archer revali. and vah natorus would be manned by the gerudo chief, urbosa. link, having pulled the master sword (!!!) proving himself a worthy fighter, was given the role of the hero, leaving zelda to fill the role of the holy princess. the problem? she couldn't access her golden power.

link was assigned as zelda's personal body guard, and she resented him for how easy his life seemed to be, having already drawn the master sword. the resentment turned to hate, mostly stemming from zelda's own self loathing. for some reason, she couldnt harness her power. everyone around her was ready for ganon and she couldn't harness her birthright. eventually, after link saved her life from the yiga, her and link became close, close friends. things were going as well as they could be, until ganon awoke.

ganon was prepared. it remembered how the hylians defeated it the first time and was determined not to fail again. it possessed the guardians, turning them against the army, and then the divine beasts, slaughtering the champions inside. link and zelda were on the run, link gravely injured from protecting her until they were cornered by guardians. there was nowhere to run. Link prepared for his last stand, knowing he was going to die here, only for zelda to push him out of the way, shielding his body with her own. a golden light shown from her-- the golden power.

(link (left) being wounded and shit and zelda (right) being a BADASS)

She destroyed the guardians around them with it, but it was too late. link collapsed, dead. as zelda held him in her arms, the master sword spoke to her, telling her of the shrine of resurrection where she could place him, which would save his life and rob him of his memories. zelda sent soldiers to the shrine with link's body and went to face ganon alone, holding it in place in hyrule castle for 100 years while she waited for link to wake up.

sooo flashback over, link is awake. he goes to kakarko village where he meets impa, who tells him to free the souls of the champions so that they can regain control of the divine beasts. he does so, growing in strength as he does. he finds and draws the master sword, slowly recovering his memories over time. he fights and defeats the yiga, he saves villages and lives and then is ready to defeat ganon. he goes to hyrule castle and beats the shit outta it, and when it flees to hyrule field, follows. it turns into a massive pig, dark beast ganon, and with the bow of light, link defeats it. zelda seals it away with her power and the two are reunited. the end!

THATS ALL FOLKS!

while this isnt absolutely everything, it is most of it! i hope yall enjoyed, i had so much fun putting everything together xoxo

[jekacatrina]

Bakudeku wonderland AU with Mad Hatter Bakugo and Alice Deku

Anon, you have big brain. Also, I was like: I have no idea what can I write... And suddenly I wrote 2K? Anywho! I hope you like it, I made it like the Tim Burton movie because I really love it.

-----

Izuku managed to lose the beast in the forest. It was some kind of murdering dog or bear, he didn’t know, but his legs were aware that he had to put as much distance as he could from it. He had heard the word Bandersnatch from some of the card soldiers, but he couldn’t be sure if that was the creature’s name or slang for “Kill the green scholar running away”.

This had been his life for the past two days. Right after he had fallen down that damn hole, he had started fighting to stay alive every step of the way. Izuku had been sure he had found solace with the King of Hearts, but the man was volatile and prone to murder sprees. It had taken a badly worded phrase for the monarch to order his soldiers to kill him. Izuku barely had time to grab his things and escape, before they psyched that monster on him.

As he ran, the branches caught on his satchel and coat, smacking his face, but he didn’t stop until he tripped with a root, and fell face first in a small clearing.

First thing he noticed was the sweet smell, then the loud guffawing. Izuku scrambled to his feet and saw a... Tea party? In the middle of the woods?

Five people were sitting around a large table right outside a small cottage. It was covered with a stained mantel cloth, every inch occupied by china cups, fancy plates and silverware. Izuku saw a woman, her skin was a bright pink, brighter than her coat, and four gentlemen accompanied her. Well, maybe gentlemen was a bit of a stretch. They wore proper clothes, but ragged, stained, and dirty. The redhead wasn’t even wearing a shirt. Two of them, a blond one with a suit as yellow as his hair, and a raven haired one with a disastrous white suit were the ones laughing at him.

Izuku dusted his trousers off, and hoisted up the strap of his bag, ignoring the sting in his palms and the throbbing of his jaw.

“What are you running from, little bunny?” The woman gave him a nice smile, though her yellow eyes were as sharp as a falcon’s.

“The King of Hearts.” Izuku prepared to run, in case they tried to attack him, when the man at the head of the table lifted his face and a pair of bright red eyes rooted him in place.

His hair was also blond, but more ashen, almost white, and it was mostly hidden by an orange top hat, with a black ribbon tied to it. His black suit was almost impeccable, unlike his unruly table companions, just a few rips and holes. Izuku was suddenly self-conscious of his state of disarray and filth. An instant later, he reprimanded himself; he shouldn’t be worrying about some stranger in this weird place judging him.

“What could an unassuming little coward like you do to upset that giant headed piece of crap?” His voice was rough, and deep. As he gestured vaguely at Izuku, he made out the battered state of his hands. He couldn’t see much skin between all the bandages.

“I… I talked.” Izuku said, and that instigated a round of laughs, even the man questioning him snorted.

“That should do it… Oi!” He shouted out of nowhere, startling him.

“Ye-yes?” Izuku squawked.

“Want some tea, pipsqueak?” The man reached for a cup, as the redhead snatched the teapot from the center of the table.

Izuku had no intention of drinking anything from those strangers, but he thought he could pretend and play nice. He walked to the edge of the table, with plenty space between them.

“Sure.” He accepted, and promptly had to duck out of the way of the flying items, both thrown directly at him. He dodged the teapot, but had to use his bag to block the cup.

“Ugh, I’ll make more.” The woman said, as she got up and gathered items from the table.

Everyone busted out laughing, while the one sitting at the head of the table stayed silent, thoughtful.

“Fast reflexes for a pipsqueak.” He commented, tipping his hat.

“Are you all of you crazy?!?” Izuku screamed, and that sobered them up.

“Of course.” The raven haired one said, with a toothy grin.

“Haven’t you heard, idiot?” The one with the hat said as he stood up, showing Izuku the scabbard of his sword. “We are all fucking crazy here!” He punched the table, making all the tea spill.

Izuku needed to get out of here fast.

“Stop it, Bakugou!” The woman scolded him, hitting him with a silver spoon. “I swear I’m filling all your hats with tea when you are not looking.”

“I would love to see you try and live to tell the tale, Mina.” Bakugou threatened her.

Hats… Oh, he was so dense. It was just dawning on Izuku who this man was.

The Mad Hatter, Bakugou Katsuki, one of the biggest opponents of the King of Hearts. He had heard his name said with fear between the members of the Court. Even the caterpillar mentioned him his first day here, before Izuku made the wrong call.

There is no going back, but you could go to the Mad Hatter, and save yourself lots of trouble. Or search for the King of Hearts, which I already know you are going to do, as the idiotic trouble maker you are.

Izuku hadn’t been excited about looking for someone vastly known as mad. He had gone to the King, and that backfired terribly.

Was this the man the caterpillar had suggested for Izuku to find? The man who would save him from trouble?

“Both of you, please calm down.” The redhead pacified the bickering friends, a perfect picture of decorum, like he hadn’t just thrown a teapot at Izuku’s head.

“Who do you serve?” Izuku asked, and the one in the yellow suit scoffed.

“Nobody.” He replied, shrugging. “Occasionally we help the White King fight some cards, but that’s it.”

The White King and his chess pieces.

The sworn enemy of the man currently hunting him down.

“Kaminari is right.” The raven haired piped in. “We like to cause trouble, that’s all.”

“Speak for yourself, Sero. I also enjoy the tea.” Mina retorted. “What do you seek, little bunny?” She asked him, finishing the tea.

“I want to go home.” He confessed, even if he suspected that it was impossible. Izuku was ashamed of how small and vulnerable he sounded.

“Does it look like we know how to get out of here?” The Mad Hatter growled. Izuku wondered whether he was Mad as in crazy or more like in very angry.

When Izuku didn’t answer, the man jumped on the table, his heavy boots rattling the structure. Bakugou walked the length towards him, kicking cups, plates and silverware out of his way. Izuku watched him strode, his imposing stand and sure manners.

Maybe he was a hatter, but he moved like a fighter.

“Let me ask you something, dumbass.” Izuku held his gaze as he came to stand in front of him. “Do you belong in that place you so want to return to, or you just live there?”

“What’s the difference?” Izuku muttered.

The man crouched down, so they were eye to eye, and gripped his chin hard. Izuku didn’t bat his hand away, he recognized a challenge when he was faced with one. If the caterpillar had been right about the King of Hearts, maybe the Mad Hatter was the right ally.

“They couldn’t be more different.” Izuku could smell the sweetness of the tea in his breath, and his fingers were callous and unforgiving. With his dark orange shirt unbuttoned over his chest, he glimpsed a jagged line crisscrossing his collarbone. Izuku figured nobody stayed here unscathed for long. “I come from a far, but I belong here. With these idiots, ripping cards to shreds, hats fit in there somewhere, living day by day. And believe me, my days are never boring or the same.” The Mad Hatter shook his head lightly, the dark ribbon falling between them and tickling Izuku’s nose. “So? Do you belong to whatever shithole you crawled out of?”

“I actually fell in a shithole, thank you very much.” He fired back, and the surprise flashed across the man’s face.

“Hah! There is some bite under all those fancy clothes.” The man appraised him. “We might have a place for you here, if you have the fucking guts.”

For the first time, Izuku reflected on his resolution. Did he want to come back? He was alone. His father had left them way back, and his mother had passed away a couple of months ago, leaving him to his own in a cruel world. He didn’t have a penny to his name, his research was mocked and... He was in danger, because society frowned upon and severely punished parts of him that he couldn’t hide. The part of him that was singing and blushing with the prolonged touch of the handsome man staring at him.

Izuku took a step back and really thought about the past days. He had been shrunk, enlarged, chased and almost killed. He hadn’t had a minute of peace since he had arrived, until this moment right here.

With the Mad Hatter clinging to him and asking all the hard questions, Izuku felt safe, no out of danger, but he knew that if he chose right, he could have something here.

A wonderland full of unpredictable dangers, and equally whimsical folks, but with people having his back.

“Well?” Bakugou insisted, he frowned at Izuku’s shoulder. “Deku?” He had his name written down hastily in the strap of his satchel, and he misread it.

“Izuku.” He corrected him, and jutted his chin out, as much as he could with the man holding it. “I guess I can stay for tea.” He answered, circling his wrist, and the table erupted in applauses.

“Tch!” Bakugou released him and sauntered back to his place. Still standing on the table, he dug inside his coat pockets and turned sharply, throwing him another cup.

This time Izuku caught it easily, and Bakugou’s smirk was slow to appear but blinding and contagious.

“Interesting.” The Mad Hatter said, flopping back onto his chair. “Let’s see if you can stay that way.”

Izuku felt the thrill of the dare coursing through his body, and mustered the courage to climb on the table. His legs were unsteady, but his mind was set. Izuku didn’t kick anything and was careful not to spill more tea, but marched to the hatter.

“I think…” Everyone seemed to hold their breaths as he kneeled in front of Bakugou. Izuku took the orange hat, freeing pales spikes that gave the man a true air of madness, and put it on, tucking his green curls under it. “… That I can handle the challenge.” He affirmed.

“I bet you can.” The Mad Hatter replied, seizing his arms and yanking him onto the chair by his side.

“Oof!” Izuku said, landing ungracefully and almost cracking the tea cup.

“Just one thing, Deku, nobody takes my hat.” Bakugou said, ripping the thing from his head, and tugging Izuku’s hair harshly in the process. “Besides, you look like a fucking carrot with all that orange and green.” He observed Izuku, assessing him. “I’ll make something for you.” He continued, with kindness, as Sero poured some tea for him. He opened his mouth to thank him when a roar came out of the forest.

“Bandersnatch?” Izuku offered as an explanation, and the Mad Hatter barked out a laugh.

“You must have said some real shit for the King to send that beast after you.” He snapped his fingers. “Kirishima, go get their swords and your axe, we have a mutt to deal with.” The redhead, Kirishima, nodded, jumping to his feet and running to the small cottage behind them. “You three, can you bring the fucker to us?” Mina was the first to reach for knives, closely followed by Kaminari and Sero. All sprinted without hesitation to the forest, filling Izuku with guilt. He started to get up, but a strong hand sat him back down. “Finish your tea, we got this.” He spoke over the sound of the card soldiers approaching.

The Mad Hatter stood again, unsheathing his sword, and smiled, rows of teeth glinting like his steel, and red eyes burning. As if the prospect of a battle ignited him.

Izuku finally understood the King of Hearts’ caution when it came to Bakugou Katsuki. He vowed to himself to start working on becoming an asset for the merry group as soon as he could.

He would make a home here, with them.

Izuku had always been better at chess than cards anyway.

-----

I had so muuuuuch fun writing this! And all my friends were like: How are you going to pull this off? I really hope I did, and if I didn’t, well, I still enjoyed the ride! Thank you for asking for this!

[virgil-writes]

ash & soot

Long before the Winters come into play, a monster stalks the Forbidden Forest that surrounds the Village. Karl Heisenberg is sent to investigate, and heads deeper into darkness to find his prey, a thorn on his side and someone just like him. (Heisenberg x OC)

on AO3: chapter one | chapter two | chapter three | chapter four | chapter five | chapter six | chapter seven (ao3 only)

chapter 6 - the spork

SFW, but usual blood/gore warning. around 2.7K words.

chapter 7 - shower thoughts

on ao3 only, to avoid tangling with tumblr's nip ban rules. contains naughty things.

Why was it he had let her live again? Heisenberg couldn’t help but wonder, making his way across the bridge that led to the factory. The pot of stew felt heavy in his hands, heavy and warm; a pleasantry, not a threat, despite his impulsive behavior. What puzzled him, really, was that she seemed so comfortable in the face of animosity, like an aggressive man invading her home and threatening to kill her was just part of a humdrum day. He had thought the illusions and ominous offers were meant to lure passersby in, to drain them of blood and use their skin and bones for sordid rituals. He had gone through it all because he was certain nothing could kill him, even if it tried, but no violence came from her. Was she trying to keep people out?

There was no trace of blood on his face, no trace that he had ever broken his nose in such a ridiculous manner, no trace that he had ever been bitten by a half-dead lycan. She had been the only witness, and he doubted she would bother entering the village to spread the news. He would go as far as saying she was happy to see him, his restraint a breath of fresh air in what he could imagine was a violent existence. He would know; they both had that look in their eyes, the look of someone drained of life because they had seen too much, done too much.

Power, he cut himself off when his thoughts had started leaning too much towards emotions. Power, that was the reason he had let her live. She was a cyphered book, an old witch’s grimoire locked away in a dusty tower. He had treaded dangerous waters and climbed through the window holding onto unsteady stones, and had only been given a glimpse, a quick look at the first page. And what he had seen was intriguing, dark and mysterious, so alien compared to his parasite-infested, mold-ridden world. Power and curiosity, nothing more.

As if on cue, the front gate’s buzzer went off, the whirring sound reminding him of the old American game shows he used to watch as a child. Wrong answer.

“Oh, fine.” He grunted in exasperation, free hand thrown in the air in defeat. “I liked her.” The words felt like soap in his mouth, a punishment for his profanity and transgressions. But there was no mother to wash out his mouth anymore, to keep him quiet and obedient. It felt good to say it, good to admit it. He was no machine; he may no longer be simply a man, but he still had his humanity well rooted within him. Or at least he liked to think so.

He liked her, he repeated, an awkward wave of relief washing over him. Not in a sit and commit sort of way, though, he wasn’t about to run back to her cabin come morning with a fancy ring to put on her finger. Hell, not even in a hit it and quit it way, either. The enigma of her existence was intoxicating, a lonely witch living in the woods of powers untold, his very own little secret. His own puppet to manipulate, another tool in his arsenal against Big Bird Bitch, if all went well. What a great find, his chest swelling with pride at his masterful move.

And she did seem to take a liking to him, modesty be damned.

The garage doors greeted him with the familiar screech of metal, a cloud of soot and hot air blowing out into the yard, like a nice warm hug from his beloved metal beast, like it wanted to congratulate him on a job well done. Though there was little need for such precautions, Heisenberg checked the locks, scanned the room for any suspicious activity. Everything in place, every last bit of scrap metal thrown carelessly to the side exactly where he had left it. The factory was quiet enough at this hour, and you would have to pay close attention to hear the haulers walking to and fro, their rare vocalizations every now and then. He was in high spirits and there was much work to do, improving Eins and Zwei, setting aside some time to study Sturm’s case and prepare accordingly. And then there was the planning, the pouring over reports of the latest events, coming up with the best strategy to take out each of his precious “siblings”, wedging his beautiful little hag in just the perfect place within his plans.

The complexity of it all was a marvel to him, a puzzle he never got tired of putting together. He supposed he had Miranda to thank for that, for turning his world upside down, forcing him to push his capabilities to the limit because of it. Sometimes he dreaded to think about what would come after; his hatred was all that kept him going, doing the bare minimum to keep himself alive and functioning, to get him out of bed come morning. What would he do when they were all out of the picture? He could finally be himself, he supposed, though that sounded like a tremendous amount of work and pain for the meager reward of knowing the shell of a man he had become.

This was not the time to think about it, he reprimanded himself. The rebellion hadn’t even began and he had many sleepless nights ahead of him.

The smell of the stew reminded him that he would starve if he waited any longer to eat. He barely remembered when he had eaten last - was it this morning? Yesterday? Such moments were but a blur, a mere nuisance in his schedule. Heisenberg was good at many things, but cooking, that he had never gotten the hang of. Putting a stove together? Piece of cake. Making a fridge out of scrap metal and elbow grease? That he could do. It’s not like he had grown up on much, either, had developed a taste for fine dining, wine and biscuits. His parents had been the industrial kind in more ways than one: blunt, efficient, cut and dry. Their meals were few and far in between, whatever cooked up fast and was filling enough to keep them standing. He had lost the parents, but kept the philosophy over the years, surviving on jerkies and raw produce, or whatever the Duke had in stock to be stored and crudely roasted later.

Heisenberg turned the key to his quarters with a sigh. Home, sweet scrapyard at last, and he wasted no time kicking off his boots and levitating the hammer to place it against the wall next to his favorite chair He set the pot on the metal table before discarding his hat and trench coat, eyeing the bowl the entire time as if it was about to attempt murder. Which he figured it might, considering the person who had given it to him was a woman he had met just a few hours prior, who lived in a hidden shack in the woods and could shapeshift into a giant horned monster. She had tasted it before preparing his bowl, and it did look harmless enough. Heisenberg inspected it closely - it definitely looked very appetizing. Some meat, potatoes, herbs mixed into a thick broth. A hearty meal for a cold winter night. Even if it was poisoned, it looked good enough to be worth the hassle.

“Ah, right.” He stared at his empty hand, shaking his pointer finger disappointingly. A laugh escaped him as he pulled every drawer, went through every shelf. Chisel, saw, hammer. Screwdriver, nails, wrench. Pliers, clamps and cutters, nuts, bolts and screws. An old TV antenna, pewter tankard, and even a goddamn tooth crown. Everything he could think of, except the one thing he needed: a single fucking spoon.

He stormed out of his quarters and into the foundry with the fury of a god. Nothing would keep him from the possibly deadly bowl of stew that smelled like the best thing that would ever grace his lips. He had reanimated the dead to do his bidding, could move metal with his fucking hands. A spoon was no match for him. Grabbing a sheet of metal and a long-abandoned pen, he roughly drew the shape of what he remembered a spoon to be - it had been a while. Cutting through took longer than he expected, and he refused to buff the steel to make it shiny. If he did not ingest his sustenance within the next few minutes, he was positive he would simply lay down and die. He took hammer to metal to make sure the thing would actually hold liquid, then the idea hit him like a flash of lightning, and he cut three small indentations at the tip: half spoon, half fork. The perfect piece of flatware. He would call it… The spork. Finally, he filed the edges just enough that it wouldn’t accidentally rip out a piece of his tongue, and proudly walked back to his quarters, plopping himself down unceremoniously onto a nearby stool.

If this turned out to taste like boiled dirt, it would be the biggest disappointment of his life yet. But it wasn’t - in fact, it was the best thing he had eaten in decades. Creamy, just the right amount of spice, meat cooked to perfection. Somewhere deep within his soul, he knew a proud ancestor watched as he took a generous bite out of a tender potato chunk. He could get used to this, he mused, a mouthful of pork and a hum of approval later. Maybe he should visit more often.

It was over all too soon, and he found himself staring at the empty bowl with so, so much sadness in his heart. Maybe he should have stayed for dinner. Forlorn and full, he leaned against the workbench, one hand reaching down to untuck his shirt, dexterous fingers then quickly unbuckling his belt and popping the button on his pants. Head thrown back, he let out a happy, satisfied sigh when his stomach was finally free of its cloth constraints. He pat his belly with a chuckle, feeling the faint lines of toned muscle above his belly button, then the creases on his hips - he didn’t look bad for being almost a century old, eh? He had gained some extra weight, it’s true, since the Duke introduced him to some modern novelties such as frozen pizza and energy drinks, but hauling corpses and building intricate machines was good exercise. Just the right amount of bulk and sprinkle of muscle, if he did say so himself.

For a moment, unbidden, he wondered if she would like it. If she would like him, all of him, more than what she had seen, more than what she had heard, more than what he had offered in their brief encounter. He hadn’t kept up with the beauty trends, and any man with functioning limbs and two braincells passed as hunk material in the village, but he just knew that he was quite the specimen. He was reminded of that look in her eyes, the one that stirred something within him he hadn’t felt in way too long.

Not that he was interested, of course. His curiosity was only natural, seeing as he hadn’t spoken to anyone from outside this little bubble of a hellhole for decades. Even when he was sent out into the world, his orders were very specific - grab what needs to be brought back, do not talk to victims of the evil plan. As much as he wanted to do it as a fuck you to Miranda, instead he always decided to bide his time. Blowing his cover could mean failure - or death.

She would like it, he decided, checking out his reflection on a well polished piece of metal. Not that it was difficult, of course. Who wouldn’t? The charming beard, killer smile, steel blue eyes. He could treat his hair better, true, wash the soot off his face. His clothes needed washing and his feet needed some time out of those damp boots. He had one too many broken fingernails and more scars than skin at this point. Still, she would like it - on second thought, maybe after a nice, hot shower.

He busied himself with all manner of tasks after dinner. Washed it down with a nice gulp of Gibcos, then made his way down to one of the operating rooms. He pushed aside the gurneys in his way, the quiet humming of the soldiers’ reactors a comforting sound despite the macabre landscape of the room. Beyond the door and behind the large window pane a very, very dead body lay waiting for him, a chunk of its torso and head missing. The lycans had done a number on the poor bastard, catching him off-guard as he made for the outhouse, so we was told. A man couldn’t even shit in this village in peace, he laughed humorlessly. The corpse was barely cold when Heisenberg dug it up and dragged it back to the factory. There was no funeral, no mourning of the deceased: in cases such as these, the villagers thought it best to bury the disfigured relative and be done with it, fingers crossed that they wouldn’t return with a hunger for human flesh a scant few days later. Despite the body’s horrid conditions, it would still be of great use to him. Strong legs and a wide torso, a perfect specimen for his latest experiment.

Sturm, he would call it, after the god-awful noise the propeller engine made. He tentatively pushed down one of the blades - it needed more oil. Rusty recycled chainsaws had been abandoned for a reason, but there was time to better the mechanical parts yet. First, he needed to figure out how to attach the engine, set up the circuitry, add in the artificial blood. Removal of internal organs was simple enough, a nice big heart to tie it all together. On the other hand, seating the mechanical core was a messy process that took him hours to get right. He didn’t want to waste time, or this corpse, when he had already come this far. He abandoned the project for a few minutes when the thighs gave with the weight, off to build braces to hold the thing together.

It looked mostly done after that, and revival was one powerful electric discharge away. Heisenberg held tight against its mechanical nervous system, focusing on channeling all of his energy - it would need an even bigger discharge than Eins and Zwei. Seven thousand volts, and not even a hint of movement. Eight thousand, he grunted as the current flowed through. Attracting metal was easy enough, but having electric organs was tiring work. He had all but given up when he heard the whir of the blades, Sturm’s body jolting on the operating table in a mix of eagerness and terror. The thing lifted its arms to touch him, chainsaw rippers spinning uncontrollably as Heisenberg took several steps back. He covered his face just in time - the desperate creature once again reached out to him, dumb enough not to notice the death machine attached to its own body. An arm hit and shattered the glass of the operating room, the other colliding against Heisenberg’s chest. Fuck, there was blood everywhere.

“Halte!” He bellowed before Sturm could get any closer, removing his now bloodstained glasses to stare at the thing like his gaze could drill a hole right through its spine. “Dummkopf.” And just as quickly as it had risen, it fell to the ground like a sack of potatoes, metal bending in odd places with the impact. Heisenberg let out his frustration with a furious kick on the engine before deciding that if he tried again for the night, he would probably end up throwing the whole thing in the grinder. He’d rather avoid having to clean the blades of all the tissue that would be stuck to them.

Seemed like he would have to take that shower after all.

[kuroyurishion]

A Prinxiety Halloween Story

Fandom: Sanders Sides

AU: Human

Pairing(s): Prinxiety, Logicality (mentioned), Demus (mentioned)

Summary: Virgil is stuck babysitting his baby cousin on Halloween night while answering the door to trick or treaters. Roman shows up to surprise him.

Warnings: Cursing, Food mention, Hyperventilation (Did I miss any? Please let me know!), OOC Characters

Additional Note(s): Happy Halloween everyone! I’m a bit rusty since I haven’t written in so long. Think of this as a little test run. I hope all of you are having an amazing and spooktacular Halloween 🎃 (Finished 11:49 PM, October 31, 2020. Just in time!)

Read on AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27364531

Ready? Let’s Begin.

Trick or Treat: A Witch and his Vampire

Virgil Sullivan sighed underneath his breath as he clutched the bowl of candy tightly as he shut the door behind him. That was the fifth group of kids dressed in their colorful costumes. His neighborhood was full of kids, even more so since it was Halloween. He places the bowl of candy on the coffee table. He had approximately five to seven minutes of a break until the next wave of tiny children came, so he was gonna-

A loud crash jolted Virgil out of his thoughts. It came from the kitchen. He panics slightly, hurriedly jogging over to check the commotion. There was a chair knocked over, and sitting beside it was a white sheet. Virgil groans. “Damion, really?” he questions, picking up the chair. Damion is Virgil’s seven year old baby cousin who his aunt and uncle dropped off and asked him to babysit while they go on a business trip with Virgil’s parents. 

The tiny seven year old giggles mischievously from his makeshift ghost costume. “Whoops! Sorry Vee!” he apologizes, not even sounding slightly sorry. Virgil rolls his eyes at his cousin.

“Just be more careful next time.” he says with a tired sigh. His cousin scampers off somewhere, the white sheet dragging behind him. Virgil went back to the living room and was about to sit back on the couch until he heard the doorbell. He groans, thinking it must be another batch of neighborhood kids looking for some candy, and picking up the bowl of candies, he answers the door. He reaches inside the bowl of candies and grabs a handful, and is about to greet the kids, but then pauses in surprise.

On the other side of the door weren’t a bunch of neighborhood kids. Instead, it was a very handsome man, about Virgil’s age. He was dressed up as a very fancy vampire; complete with a black vest with silver clasps, a long black overcoat and a red cotton alcott tucked into the collar of his white button down. The vampire had some very impressive makeup, Even the fake blood looked realistic! The vampire grinned, exposing his sharp fangs. He bowed, taking off his black top hat with a red ribbon tied around it. 

“Greetings, my elusive Elphaba.” the vampire greets, standing up again straight again. Virgil rolls his eyes, leaning against the doorframe. He really didn’t want to dress up this year, just wanted to wear his usual black ripped jeans and purple and black jacket. Damion insisted he try, so he bought the black witch’s hat last minute and swapped his usual black eyeshadow with a glittery purple variety. 

“‘Sup Roman.” Virgil greets with a two fingered salute.

Roman squawks indignantly. “It took me so long to think of that one!” he cried. “At least try to be in the Halloween spirit Virge!” 

Virgil huffs. “Fine, I’ll play along.” He thinks of a cheesy saying and clears his throat. “And to you, my dashing Dracula.” he says with some enthusiasm. That really didn’t sound right coming from his mouth. Roman beams proudly, however, showing off his fake fangs. 

“See! I knew you can do it!” he cheers. 

“Thanks Princey.” Virgil says. “What did you come here for?”

Roman shrugs. “You’re usually out with my brother and Janus during Halloween, so when Remus said you weren’t gonna show up to your usual hang out spot, I thought it was suspicious.” he responds. 

Virgil raises an eyebrow. “So you dressed up,” he starts, gesturing to Roman’s costume, “to check on me? Well aren’t you thoughtful?” He didn’t know why, but the thought was kinda sweet. Roman flushes.

“I was with Logan and Patton earlier before coming here,” he admits. “We were all trick or treating until Logan had to go back home because he had to study for his math test. Patton went with him since they’re both in the same class.”

Virgil snickers. “To study?” he asks, amused. Roman chuckles at that too. 

“Can you believe they are not dating yet? I mean, Patton clearly likes Logan! And vice versa!”

“I know! They’re both so oblivious. I lost a bet to Janus since I said they’d get together first before him and Remus.”

The two boys share a laugh over the relationship status of your friends. “So how come you weren’t with my brother and Janus?” Roman asked curiously. Virgil shrugs in response.

“I’m stuck babysitting my younger cousin for the weekend.” he says. “Our parents are away on a business trip and won’t be back until next week.”

Roman nods in understanding. “Oh I see.” he says. “How’s that working out for you?”

Virgil grumbles. “He’s annoying me constantly and knocking so many things. My anxiety is through the roof since he’s so clumsy.” He sighs. “He even asked me to make his costume, Roman. I can’t make things for shit.”

Roman snickers. “Well, what did you make for him Virge?” 

“I covered him in an old white sheet that I cut two holes for eyes in. Told him it was his ghost costume.” Virgil says then sighs. “The kid loves it, but honestly him dragging that thing along and bumping into things is driving me nuts.”

Roman laughs at that, and Virgil chuckles lightly after. They stop after a moment and look at each other, falling into an awkward silence, just looking at each other. Virgil looks at Roman’s costume and admires all the little details he put on it just for one night. He felt a bit underdressed with how his costume came out. 

Roman clears his throat, breaking the silence and Virgil’s admiration of his costume. “I should head back home.” he says and Virgil’s eyes widened, realizing that it was getting late.

“Uh, yeah.” he says awkwardly, rubbing the back of his head. “I guess I’ll see you in class Monday.” 

Roman nods and smiles. “I bid you adieu, O Wicked Witch of the West.” he says dramatically, then steps back quickly as Virgil throws a small piece of candy his way, face hidden under the brim of his giant witch’s hat, laughing fondly. “I’ll see you Monday!” 

Virgil could barely get a good bye out since he shut the door so quickly. He leaned against the door, panting heavily. There was a weird feeling in his stomach. For some odd reason, he didn’t want Roman to go….

Making up his mind, Virgil quickly flung open the door and spotted Roman’s retreating figure. He panics for a moment, thinking that he was too late. Clutching the bowl of candy as if it were a lifeline, he runs over to him. “Roman, wait!”

Roman turns around, slightly confused. “Virgil?” he asks. “What’s wrong?” Virgil catches up to him, panting.

“Don’t go yet.” Virgil huffs out.

Roman smirks. “Afraid you can’t wait until Monday, Emo Nightmare?”

Virgil rolls his eyes. “You wish Princey.” he snarks. Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea, but he was out here now. Might as well go for it. “Would you like to come in? You came all this way to check on me and you live on the other side of town…” He trails off, unsure of what to say next that wouldn’t make him sound whiny. 

Roman raises an eyebrow. “You’re inviting me inside your house?” he asks in amusement. Virgil winces slightly. He knew it was a stupid idea to invite Roman. What was he thinking?

“If you didn’t want to, you could’ve just said no.” Virgil grumbles, hiding his face with the brim of his witch’s hat. He sighs. “It’s fine Princey. It was a stupid idea anyway, I’m just gonna go back and-”

“I’d love to stop by!” Roman says excitedly.

“-pause to process what you just said.” Virgil finishes, looking at Roman in surprise. “What did you say?” He swears he heard incorrectly. Did Roman just say he wanted to stop by?

Roman smirks. “I said yes, I’d love to stop by.” he repeats again, amused. Ah, so Virgil didn’t hear him correctly. The witch nodded silently and turned around to walk back to his house in stunned silence. He walks through the door, looking back to see if Roman was still following him. Roman was, but stopped in front of the threshold, not walking in.

“Princey, what are you doing?” Virgil asked in confusion. Roman still looked amused.

“Did you know, Virgil, that a vampire cannot enter your home?” Roman asked, grinning. “They have to be invited in. Once they are, they can enter and leave the home freely.”

Virgil looks at Roman like he grew another head. “You can’t be serious.” he groans. Roman continues to grin. “Roman, c’mon, seriously?”

“Why not Emo Nightmare?” Roman asks. “Don’t you wanna invite this, handsome, dashing vampire into your life?”

Virgil didn’t know whether or not to kiss Roman’s smug face or to punch it. Instead, he settles for putting the bowl of candy down and staring at Roman incredulously. “Roman-”

“Come on Virgil! Don’t you wanna let me in~?”

Virgil hides his blushing face with his witch’s hat. “Fine.” he grumbles. “Come on in, Dramacula.” He steps aside as Roman enters the house, winking at Virgil as he passes. Virgil sighs and locks the door behind him.

“Sorry for the mess.” he mumbles, looking around. It wasn’t really that messy, just a couple thrown pillows here and there because of Damion.

Roman looks around too. “Cozy place.” he compliments, looking at all the Halloween decorations around the house, like the spider web curtains and very realistic looking skulls on the mantelpiece. 

Virgil mumbles his thanks. “What do you wanna do?” he asks Roman. He really didn’t think Roman was gonna say yes, so he was grasping at straws here. 

Roman was about to suggest something when a loud noise came from the upstairs. It sounded like glass breaking. Both boys quickly ran upstairs to see what happened. In the hallway was the broken remains of a vase. Beside the shards sat Damion, still underneath the makeshift ghost costume. 

Virgil panics. “Damion!” He carefully maneuvers himself around the sharp shards of glass to get to his younger cousins. He pulls the sheet off him. “Are you alright?”

The seven year old frowns sadly. “I thought I’d be able to walk through the wall…” he says. He crosses his arms and pouts. Virgil adjusts his witch’s hat with a sigh. 

“You know you can’t do that.” he says, turning around to carefully pick up the shards of glass. Damion pouts unhappily, but then looks up to spot Roman standing there awkwardly. The small child screeches in surprise, causing Virgil to look up to see what was wrong now. 

“Vee! There’s a vampire in your house!” Damion squeals excitedly, running over to Roman in wonder and awe. Roman looks at the seven year old curiously before falling into character. 

“Tis I! The great vampire prince Roman!” Roman says dramatically, flashing a smile at Damion that exposed his fangs. The seven year old’s eyes widen. 

“Wow! Your  name is Roman?” Damion asks, tilting his head curiously. He was fascinated. “Like Roman King from the Drama Team? The same Roman that Vee-”

“-shares a science class with?” Virgil interrupts, having cleaned up the glass. He gives his cousin a subtle look, and the seven year grins mischievously in return, as if he knew what Virgil was hiding. And know he did. He snickers and scampers off to his room, leaving the two alone. 

Roman looks at the two cousins. “And was the cousin you mentioned before?” he asks Virgil and the emo nods with a sigh. “He seems cute.”

“More like a menace.” Virgil grumbles. “I’m sorry about that. Damion's a bit… clumsy, I suppose.” He looks down, afraid to see Roman’s face. He heard Roman chuckle and his head snapped up. 

“Don’t worry about it Virge.” Roman says. “He reminds me of Remus when he was younger. A little reckless rascal, you could say.”

Virgil sighs with relief. “Yeah, that.” he says, heading downstairs. Roman follows after.

 “Why don’t we watch a movie?” Roman suggested, sitting down on the couch. “We can eat the remaining candy while we’re at it.” Virgil looks at him hesitantly. Should he? He sits next to Roman and places the bowl of candy between them.

“Sure Princey.” What could possibly go wrong?

***

Virgil and Roman both agreed to watch the Nightmare Before Christmas. The entire movie, the two boys spent it in a relatively comfortable silence. However, there was something there between them. Something different, but not unwelcome. Virgil reaches inside the candy bowl to get another Hershey’s Kiss, but accidentally brushes against Roman’s hand. They both look at each other and freeze. 

“Sorry….” they both say at the same time. “No wait- what I mean is- you have this wrong-” The two of them continued to be in sync, embarrassing Virgil and amusing Roman to no end. Virgil eventually turns back to watch the movie, unable to stand whatever that moment was. Roman does so eventually, and the two of them fall into routine. Everything was ok, going smoothly, until Sally began to sing her song. Virgil listened with rapt attention. Sally’s Song always held a soft spot for Virgil. The song always reminded him of himself, a small speck within the view of the one person he liked. He knew he never had a chance with this person.

He hums along with the song as he reminisces and remembers. Roman looks over and looks at Virgil, listening to the low humming. He tilts head and gets a thoughtful look on his face. When the scene ended, and the silence overcame them again, Roman reached out and paused the movie. Virgil looked confused. “Roman, what-?”

“Virgil, we need to talk.”

The tone of voice made Virgil freeze in his place. “Talk.” Virgil echoes. He frowns. Did he do something wrong? Was Roman mad at him? Did he waste Roman’s time due to a miscalculation and miscommunication on his part? He begins to hyperventilate, feeling terrible for wasting Roman’s time. He breathes, quick, shallow breaths. 

Roman was beside him immediately. “Virgil?” he asked urgently. “Can you hear me?” At Virgil’s nod, he continues. 

“Ok, Stormcloud. Breathe in for four seconds.”

 Virgil does so, breathing in. 

“Now hold for seven seconds.” 

Virgil does so, holding his breath.

“Now exhale for eight seconds.”

Virgil exhales, feeling slightly better. He repeats the familiar breathing exercise for a couple of moments. “Thanks…” he says to Roman with a shaky thumbs up.

Roman nods. “You’re welcome.” he says. “What happened, Stormcloud?”

Virgil draws his knees close to his chest. “When you said we had to talk so suddenly, I thought you were upset with me.” he says. “I know, I know, it’s a stupid thing to get anxious from, and I should be over it but-” Virgil groans unhappily. Now Roman really was gonna think he was a loser or something. 

Roman gasps. “Sweet mother of sugar plum fairies!” he exclaims. “I had no idea- oh Virgil, sorry that I caused you to have such a scare. But what I was gonna talk to you about isn’t bad, I promise.” He sits a comfortable distance from Virgil so as to not freak him out. 

Virgil nods in surprise. Roman didn’t think he was a loser? “No, you didn’t know. It’s ok.” he says, taking another deep breath. “So, what’s up Princey?”

Roman clears his throat. “Well, I wanted to talk about us.” he says, and upon seeing Virgil’s panicked face, he presses on. “I said it’s nothing bad! It isn’t…. hopefully.” Seeing as that didn’t make Virgil’s expression on his face even better, Roman continues. “We’ve been friends for a couple years now, and I like our friendship with our snarky back and forths and all that. But lately, it’s been weird between us, yes? Just the awkward glances and the silent conversations we have with each other. There’s something there that wasn’t there before. Do you know what I’m talking about, Virgil? What that something is?” 

Virgil nods, somehow unable to speak. His heart pounded in his chest, nervous. What was Roman gonna do?

Roman continues on. “I think… that I love you, Virgil.” he says firmly, looking Virgil in the eye. “Nay, I know that I love you. I love you and everything that makes you, well, you. From your dark eyeshadow and clothes to you pale skin and snarky humor. I love all of it. I don’t care if you’re too anxious or too sarcastic, I love you for you. You’re a beautiful, dark painting, a gothic masterpiece made to be adored. You’ve cast your spell on me and bewitched my senses, my Exquisite Enchanter, and this is a spell I wish will not break.” He takes a deep breath. “I don’t know if you return my feelings or not, but I just had to let you know. Virgil, will you be the Trick to my Treat?”

Silence fills the room as Virgil takes in the confession. Roman looks down and readies himself for the rejection, the fall out, the foreseeable tragedy that will befall his love life. He hears Virgil sniffling and looks up at his love with tears . “Oh Virgil.” Roman says softly, feeling his heart break. Is this what rejection feels like?  “I’m sorry… if I hurt your feelings. I’ll leave you be, then.” He gets up from the couch and walks hastily from the door, trying so hard not to cry. He knew he shouldn’t have opened his mouth, and now all his efforts were ruined, all for nothing. He should just-

“Roman, wait!”

-stop in his tracks and whirl around to hear what Virgil had to say. Roman does just that, turning around and seeing Virgil sitting halfway on the couch, as if he was ready to chase after him. “Yes?” Roman asked, feeling hopeful. Was he not being rejected? 

Virgil wipes his tiny tears away. “Don’t just leave when I haven’t even told you my answer, you ass.” he says, looking at Roman. He wasn’t that good at emotions, but he was gonna try, dammit. “Roman, you absolute himbo of a man, you make me have butterflies in my stomach when you’re around.” Off to a great start, Virgil. “And when you’re around, you make me feel…. happier. I don’t feel as sad because you make sunshine appear in my stormy skies. I admire you and your creativity and passion for the things you do. Not only do you make your characters come alive, you make my heart skip a beat whenever I look at you.” His ramble begins to slow down. “You’re my hero in my darkest days, never failing to make me smile with our snarky commentaries. And you, being you, are so amazing in your own unique way, from your talents and charisma and long story short, Roman, I love you too. And yes, I’ll be the Trick to your Treat.”

As soon as Virgil finished speaking, Roman swept Virgil off his feet. “Oh my darling Stormcloud!” Roman exclaimed, laughing at Virgil’s surprised squawks. “I’m so happy you return my affections. I’ll make you the happiest emo witch in the whole entire world. You won’t regret this!” He finally puts Virgil back down, but he still holds him.

“I think I already am.” Virgil groans jokingly, quickly holding onto his witch’s hat as he’s spun and put down. But he smiles bright at the thought of being Roman’s boyfriend, looking up at his vampire with a fond grin. 

Roman gasps. “I think this is the first time I’ve seen you smile so bright!” he exclaims. “It is radiant like the sun, a beauty to behold!”

Virgil hides his face in his hands. “Roman stop!” he pleads, embarrassed with all the analogies and compliments.

“Never!” Roman exclaims happily. “I’ll never stop because you’re mine~!”

Virgil rolls his eyes. “Bite me.” he says jokingly, then freezes. 

Roman’s face morphed into a teasing smirk, fake fangs on display. “Well, if my Bewitching Beauty insists,” he says, leaning closer to Virgil, pulling the emo towards him. He was so close to Virgil now and the emo gulps nervously, feeling Roman’s breath on his lips. He stops however, looking at Virgil, searching his face for consent. 

Virgil nods silently, afraid to even speak. Roman then, slowly, presses their lips together in a slow, sweet kiss. It wasn’t rushed, or messy. It felt perfect for the both of them. And what a perfect way to end Halloween night. A vampire and a witch, in love, who’s only witnesses are the spider curtains, the realistic fake skulls, and a mischievous seven year old who witnessed everything and was definitely not going to tell anyone what he saw. And they wouldn’t have it any other way.

The End 

Taglist:

@princessglittermageline @fire-and-ash67 @nini-panini-wears-a-beanie @princey-the-dramaking

[deathsmallcaps]

@boopboopboopbadoop

April’s Story

Shrek premiered 20 years ago this month! So I decided to honor it with my own illustrated version of the movie for my Win A Commission Contest! If you’d like to see the illustrations in context with the text, please

Once upon a time, there was a lovely Princess

But she had an enchantment upon her of an awful sort, that could only be broken by True Love's First Kiss

She was Locked away in a tower, guarded by a terrible fire-breathing Dragon

Many brave Knights had attempted to free from this dreadful prison, but none prevailed

She waited in the Dragon's keep, in the tallest room of the tallest tower. Where she waited for her True Love and True Love's First Kiss...

A large green hand ripped a page from the Book and revealed another part involving the whole kingdom celebrating on the Princess and her True Love's wedding day, laughing heartily as he slammed it shut.

"Like that's ever gonna happen!" A Scottish voice said dismissively. "What a load of-" A flush of a Toilet drowned out the last part of the sentence.

We look and see an outhouse. It was made of white birch wood, lashed together with a rope for a handle and a black crescent moon facing the right. There was some hanging moss on the tilted roof growing and a pathway of stones, weeds crowding in between. It was set right in front of a thick wood, facing towards a house. The strange thing about all of this is that the outhouse had plumbing with a flushing toilet.

The door slammed open, revealing no Prince Charming nor a Frog, but an Unlikely Hero: an Ogre. Yawning and stretching out before fixing his wedgie, he shook off a ripped page that was sticking to his shoe and stared at his house.

He lived in a giant, white, hollowed out mangrove tree, the trunk thinning out into a perfect chimney. Moss, ivy and weeds grew all around or on top of it, and there was a crude door and some small windows set into the side.

The Ogre breathed in and left the outhouse with the door slamming behind him as he began his day.

Using a bucket and scraping up some mud, he carried it over to a branch. The ogre undressed and pulled on a rope, causing the mud to pour onto him. He made an “Oof!” sound when it first hit him, but continued scrubbing himself with the mud like it was soap. He drank the last dregs of the mud and then spat it out, ending the shower.

Then the Ogre brushed his teeth. He grabbed a red caterpillar, and squeezing it like a tube of toothpaste, pushed its innards onto a bone. He scrubbed well, getting the insides of his teeth, then the outsides. It turned his already unhealthy teeth greener, and the putrid goo shown in his hideous smile caused his mirror to shatter and fall onto the floor.

Next, he plunged himself into a lake and made a huge splash, turning himself right and getting ready; the Ogre let out a loud, horrendous and terrible gaseous fart that bubbled behind him. Feeling relieved and making an “innocent” pose with his finger to his lip, he turned to see that there was not one, not two but three red salmon floating up to the surface; murdered by the deadliness of the stench that continued to plague the rest of the underwater native wildlife. He grabbed the one next to him and proceeded to leave.

Later army crawling into a hollowed husk of a fallen tree, pointing diagonally skywards, the Ogre pushed out a ton of mud as he climbed his way forward like a commando in the trenches of a battlefield. The final mud slopped out as his stained face popped out.

He smiled as he found a green slug right outside the tree trunk. The Ogre grabbed it and the slug squirmed in alarm as it was picked up by a giant green hand, leaving the small maggots once underneath the slug exposed to the air.

Closer to sunset, near a lake with verdant hills in the distance, the Ogre began painting a new sign. Having picked out a broken off- plank of moldy wood form his outhouse, he didn’t bother with a base coat of white. He spent several hours painting. Once he finished, the Ogre placed his palette down, took a good look at his newest masterpiece, and out of sheer joy of satisfaction he kissed the ogre in the picture on the lips. It left red paint all across his lips as he posted it next to an older sign that said, "STAY OUT". It was a rather hideous portrayal of his face with red eyes and red writing that stated, “BEWARE OGRE".

After The Ogre had ate his fishy and sluggy dinner and had lit a fire with the strength of his belch, he sat back on the crocodile flesh recliner. Just as he was settling in, the Ogre's tiny trumpet ears picked up a disturbance in the Swamp.

It was the sounds of people trespassing. With a groan he lurched to his feet and glanced out his window, spotting a group of Ogre Hunters in the far distance, mostly visible due to their torches. Within moments, the Ogre snuck outside his home and was tiptoeing behind them.

The Ogre Hunters, dressed mostly in green and sporting crappy haircuts, pushed aside the tall grass and foliage as they watched the Swamp House, lit from within by The Ogre’s Belch-Fire.

"Think it's in there?" The one with a bowl cut asked

"Alright... let's get it!" The one in the a tall hat declared, holding a torch and about to make a charge forward before he was stopped short by the one with the mustache next to him.

"Hold on, you know what that thing could do to you?" the mustached one said with fear.

"Yeah, it'll grind your bones for it's bread!" The one with the bowl cut told him.

They all froze when a loud chuckle echoed behind them.

Turning around, they saw the Ogre towering over them. He spoke in an almost friendly manner, but what he said was the opposite of friendly. “Ha, yes, well actually; that would be a giant!" He exclaimed, causing the men to back off. The Ogre stepped forward each time they stepped back. "Now Ogres, oh.. they're much worse! They'll make a suit from your freshly peeled skin!"

"No!" A man was horrified

"They'll shave your livers!"

“No!”

"And squeeze the jelly from your eyes!" The Ogre Hunters were cornered as the Ogre added, thoughtfully, "Actually it's quite good on toast."

The bearded Ogre Hunter swung torch at The Ogre’s face. "Back! Back, beast! Back! I warn ya!"

The Ogre simply raised an eyebrow before calmly licking his fingers and putting out his torch with a pinch and a smile.

"Right..." the Ogre Hunter dropped the extinguished torch.

The Ogre let loose an horrible and fearsome ear bursting roar directly into the faces of the cowering Ogre Hunters. Spit flew in their faces as their hair and hats were thrown back. They screamed in response as their torches extinguished as the roar continued. After a long moment, he stopped and wiped his mouth, but the Hunters continued to scream; when they finally stopped they looked like their wits had long been scared out of them.

The Ogre leaned in and whispered to them as the crickets and other hidden wildlife in the night went on in the silence. "This is the part where you run away..."

With a yelp they immediately dropped all their pitchforks and weapons and bolted out of the swamp as the Ogre chortled to himself. The bowl cut Ogre Hunter tripped but kept running in desperation.

The Ogre laughed whole heartily and yelled after the retreating party. "And stay out!"

A piece of paper they must’ve left behind caught his attention. He picked it up, and saw that it had the face of a solemn elf with a green leaf hat and white beard. There were bags of gold drawn around it, but no explicit price was given, just the word, “Reward” written in red. Above it he read, "Wanted: Fairy Tale Creatures...".

He realized they had wanted to capture him for the reward money. He looked towards the fleeing villagers in disgust and shook his head, throwing the paper to the ground as he went back inside to spend the rest of the night in peace.

The next day, as part of his new plan to get people to leave him alone, The Ogre set up some new new signs, even farther from his home. Just as he was setting up his last one (it had a green skull with the words ‘Keep Out!’ in the pupils), something ran into his butt.

The Ogre turned around to face what appeared to be a terrified mini-donkey.

Someone yelled, "He's getting away! Get him!" and the sounds of guards in armor scared the little donkey into hiding behind The Ogre. "This way! Turn!"

The local Captain of the Guard and his men ran up, stopping when they all saw the tall Ogre who stood before them. "You there... Ogre" The Captain grabbed a scroll his waist

"Aye?" Was The Ogre’s reply, hands on his hips and now seemingly irritated that his day was once again involving contact with humans.

"By the order of Lord Farquaad... I am authorized to place you both under arrest and transport you to a designated resettlement... facility...?" The Captain's voice was shaking and nervous due to the face that the Ogre was walking towards him slowly, now standing right in front of him as a deafening silence fell.

"Oh really?" He asked, leaning down so he was face to face with the Captain. "You and what army?" He asked as his teeth glittered with a smile, glancing behind him.

The Captain turned around to see what was once left of his men as their halberds fell down and a shield spun around onto the ground like a coin. He turned back to the Ogre; the mini-donkey smiled as the Captain took his men's example and made a run for it.

Now that confrontation is over with, the Ogre shook his head and walked away; but the mini-donkey had nowhere else to go and decided to follow his accidental savior. He trotted behind him.

"Can I say something to you?" He asked with the Ogre walking on. "Listen, you were really, really, really somethin' back here. Incredible!"

Now fully irritated, The Ogre turned around. "Are you talkin' to..." The Ogre saw no one else, just the ground lit by the sunlight within the forest of the tall trees. The voice was clearly gone. "Me?" He blinked and shrugged, turning before giving out a startled yell as the Donkey now stood before him.

"Yes I was talkin' to you. Can I tell you that you was great back here? Those guards! They thought they were all of that. Then you showed up and bam!" The little donkey caught up to The Ogre before getting up onto his hoofs in front of The Ogre and made a martial arts move with his right hoof, stopping him again. "They were trippin' over themselves like babes in the wood. I loved seeing that, made me feel happy seeing that"

"Oh, that's great. Really." The Ogre sarcastically replied

"Man, it's good to be free!" The burrito declared as the Ogre turned to him.

"Now, why don't you go celebrate your freedom with own friends? Hmm?" He suggested, leaning down to the little donkey, before walking off again.

"But... I don't have any friends, and I'm NOT going out there by myself!" Exclaimed the creature. A flash of inspiration came to him. "Hey wait a minute, I got a great idea! I'll stick with you" Donkey returned happily to the Ogre, deaf to his annoyance. "You're a mean green fighting machine! With you, we'll scare the spit out of anybody who crosses us!"

The Ogre halted and regarded Donkey for a moment. Then seemingly out of the blue, he fully turned and gave off an all might roar right into the animal’s face; hoping this would scare him.

The mini-donkey just stared, now with an impressed look drawn on his face. "Oh, wow! That was really scary!"

The Ogre just frowned and stomped away.

"Now if that doesn’t work, your breath will certainly get the job done, 'cause you definitely need some Tic Tacs or something 'cause your breath STINKS!"

The Ogre continued walking, but then looked back when he didn’t hear the none-stop chatterbox for about five seconds, to his relief and hope that he lost the annoyance.

To his irritation and surprise, the donkey appeared looking down at him from above; atop of a fallen tree over The Ogre’s path.

"You almost burned the hair outta my nose, just like the time..."

The Ogre covered the donkey's mouth, muffling his little obnoxious tale. The donkey still did not shut up as he kept it held there; continuing to talk either way; The Ogre removed his hand. "Then I ate some berries, man I had some strong gasses leaking out of my butt that day!"

"WHY are you following me?!" The Ogre asked, losing patience; nothing could shut this donkey up and he just needed to get away right now.

"I'll tell you why!" The animal leaped off the tree as he followed the Ogre, before breaking out into obnoxious song. "Cause I'm all alone, there's no here beside meeeee." He stopped in front of the Ogre as he wiggled his butt, the Ogre's right eye was half closed and his left eye was twitching in madness as the mini-donkey continued. "My problems have all gone, there's no one to deride me... but you gotta have faith-"

"Stop singing!" The Ogre yelled, he grabbed the burrito by the ears and tail as he moved him out of his way. "It's no wonder you don't have any friends!"

"Wow, only a true friend would be that truly honest!" The small donkey claimed.

The Ogre only groaned "Listen, little donkey. Take a look at me: What am I?" He held out his arms and stood tall before him.

The burrito looked from the Ogre's shoes to his head, whose face looked irritated while he thought to himself. "Really tall?" was his first guess. The mini-donkey wasn’t sure what The Ogre was asking.

"No! I'm an Ogre, you know. ‘Grab your torch and Pitchforks!’ Doesn't that bother you?" He imitated an Ogre Hunter before asking.

Donkey shook his head

"Nope." came the response

"Really?" The Ogre was a bit surprised.

"Really, really" The creature happily assured.

"Oh," The Ogre was not too sure on what to say next.

"Man, I like you, what's your name?"

The Ogre looked a little surprised. For all his time living alone in the Swamp, no one had ever asked him of his name. He had always been The Ogre, not a true individual to the people around him.

"Uhh... Shrek." He replied after a moment, before continuing his walk home.

"Shrek?" Th little donkey echoed, seeing if he got it right before following the now and forever named Ogre himself. "Well, you know what I like about you Shrek? You got that kind of I-don't-care-what-nobody-thinks-of-me-thing I like that. I respect that Shrek. You all right."

He continued to follow Shrek up the hill as they came overhead across a small grassy meadow hill above that overlooked Shrek's Swamp. Donkey (for that was his name) stared looked at the scene before him.

"Whoa! Look at that. Who'd want to live in a place a like that?" He asked with a hint of disgust, mostly discomfort, in his voice.

"That... would be my home" Shrek claimed, his hands on his hips before heading down the other side of the hill.

Donkey could only blink in response, he had really put his hoof in it now. "Oh! And it is lovely! Just beautiful. You know you are quite a decorator. It's amazing what you've done with such a modest budget!"

Shrek only shook his head as he continued downwards.

"I like that boulder, that is a nice boulder." Donkey followed him down. He continued after Shrek once again and stopped in front of the three signs: "BEWARE OGRE", "STAY OUT" and "DANGER". Donkey took a look at each of them all and asked,"I guess you don't uh.. entertain that much do you?"

"I like my privacy." Shrek claimed as he kept walking to his front door, Donkey trotting after him.

"You know, I do too. That's another thing we have in common. Like I hate it when you got somebody in your face. You've trying to give them a hint and they won't leave. Then there's that big awkward silence you know?"

Shrek turned to face him, silently willing Donkey to understand that the creature had just described their exact situation.

"Can I stay with you?" Clearly Donkey did not receive the hint.

"Uh, what?"

"Can I stay with you, please?" He added in the magic word.

"Of course!" Shrek declared lightheartedly as he smiled.

"Really?" Donkey asked.

"No." Shrek bluntly denied.

"PLEASE! I don't wanna go back there! You know what it's like to be living like a freak!" Donkey reconsidered for a moment as he looked at the large green humanoid before him as he pushed Shrek onto his front door with his hooves. "Well, maybe you do. But that's why we gotta stick together! You gotta let me stay, please, please!" Donkey was getting hysterical.

"OKAY! Okay..." Donkey dropped to the floor as Shrek opened his door inwards as he gave his one little stipulation. "But one night only." He was about to enter before Donkey bolted in.

"Ah! Thank you!"

"What are you...?" Donkey leapt onto Shrek's crocodile skin recliner. "No, no!"

"This is gonna be fun! We can stay up late, swappin' manly stories and in the mornin," He trotted around on the chair before sitting down as he finished with: "I'm makin' waffles!"

"Oh!" Shrek groaned as he held his hands out, as though he was planning to strangle the noisy intruder.

Donkey looked around and asked him. "Where do, uh... I sleep?"

"Outside!" Shrek screamed irritably.

Donkey's ears drooped upon hearing that response. "Oh, well, I guess that's cool. I mean, I don't know you and you don't know me, so I guess outside is best, you know. Here I go." He sniffled as got off his recliner and walked out sadly,"Goodnight..." He told him as Shrek slammed the door on him.

The mini-donkey kept talking, of course. "You know, I do like the outdoors. I'm a Donkey. I was born outside. I'll just be sitting by myself outside, I guess, you know. By myself, outside!"

Shrek looked out before shaking his head and sighing to himself, walking away from the door to enjoy himself for the rest of the day as Donkey began singing the same annoyingsong again; although more sorrowfully.

"I'm all alone, there's no one here besides me..."

That night, as the cauldron hanging by chains over the firepit bubbled solemnly; Shrek was enjoying himself with a nice dinner while Donkey was locked outside of his home. He dropped a eye on a stick into his martini glass and slurped it down as he looked at his dinner before him. There was a slug with orange eyes, what appeared to be green grapes, a jar of eyes, spice, worm stuffed pumpkin and a nice large piece of cooked skinless meat on his plate.

These were the times he enjoyed the most out of his solitary life, he was home, nice and warm and he wasn't bothered by anyone at all. Though he had to pause and glance at his front door. Shrek had ... mixed feelings about his new acquaintance. He talked WAY too much, but he was also the first person in a very long time to actually treat Shrek like a person.

He shook his head and sighed, scooting in further to his table as he felt that there was just something missing from the layout of the table. The man he figured out what ir was. He brought his hand to his ear and started to pull hard and painfully as the earwax built up came out like a spear and placed it atop a candle platform; lighting the wick made of ear hair afterwards with a match. Now he can enjoy his meal alone.

The same could not be said for Donkey, who peeked sadly into the window before making his way back to the front door. He laid down as he smiled bittersweetly and went to sleep at his new friend's doorstep.

Shrek continued to eat and enjoy his meal until the sound of his door creaking interrupted his silence.

He put his fork and knife on the table as he got up. "I thought I told you to stay outside." He was hoping to shove Donkey back outside, if that was what had come in.

"I am outside." Donkey’s voice came from the window.

In confusion, Shrek turned and saw a shadow move across the wall. Who was now moving around near his table? He returned and observed it. Everything was normal underneath the table, but then he heard voices from above.

"Well, gents, it's a farcry from the farm, but what choice do we have?" A blind mouse asked, tripping over Shrek's fork.

"It's not home, but it'll do just fine!" The second of the blind mice knocked over the jar full of eyeballs, spilling out the contents.

"What a lovely bed" The third of the blind mice was bouncing on the Slug, Shrek immediately caught him.

"Got ya!" However it escaped his grasp.

"I found some cheese" the third mouse said, biting Shrek's left ear.

"OW!" He cried in pain, grabbing at the mouse again who was now on his other shoulder.

"Blah! Awful stuff!" The tiny rodent jumped down onto the spoon and inadvertently launched a piece of gravy towards Shrek's left eye, which he wiped away immediately.

"Is that you Gordon?" One of them asked.

"How did you know?" A different one asked back.

"Enough!" Shrek grabbed all three of them by the tail, flipping the wooden spoon off the left side of the table as he turned his back and demanded angrily.

"What are you doing in my house?" The dinner on his table was then violently shoved off and Shrek's back was hit with an gold and glass fashioned coffin, labeled, ‘Here lies Snow White, under the curse by the Poison Apple infected by the Sleeping Death curse’.

"Hey!" He turned and saw the Seven Dwarves, one of the waved at Shrek.

"Oh, no, no, no. Dead broad OFF the table!" He shoved her coffin back to the Dwarves

"Where are we supposed to put her? The Bed's taken!" They shoved the coffin back to him.

"Huh?" Shrek stopped short. He hurried to his bed and opened the curtain separating the rooms and gasped. There laid comfortably and in grandmother's clothing, was a wolf of all creatures.

"What?" The Wolf asked irritably.

Shrek was now on the verge of rage, he dragged the Wolf out of bed and held him in the air through his house as the Seven Dwarves made themselves comfortable.

"I live in a swamp, I put up signs! I'm a terrifying Ogre!" He shoved his door open outwards. "What do I have to do to get a little privacy?!" He screamed as he threw the Wolf out of his house.

Then he saw a sight that would haunt him forever. "Oh no... oh no!" Shrek bellowed.

His Swamp. His lovely, silent, peaceful Swamp was no longer the way he intended it to be. It was now swarming with many, many Fairytale Creatures; many, many beings now living in his precious Swamp. Even the old woman brought her entire shoe to his Swamp, with many children running around. Tents were set up, fairies roamed around in the air, Pinocchio and a short yellow elf with a cone shaped hat were arguing and many people were conversing with each other.

“No!" A witch flew past him. "NO!" He screamed out, three more witches came zooming past him and Shrek had to jump for cover as they came flying down with elves helping them land.

"Wha?" Shrek turned his head to the side with the old woman hanging her clothes with a child and two other children pushing each other.

"Hey, don't push!" A girl in the blue shrieked.

The Pied Piper in red was calling over rats with his flute while many other Fairytale Creatures were waiting in line towards Shrek's Outhouse.

In the meantime, Papa and Baby Bear were sitting by the fire, the latter upset and being comforted by his father; no Mama Bear in sight, as many other Fairytale Creatures warmed themselves up by the fire before them. Elves, Lepricons, Dwarves, Fairies, Witches, Pigs, Wolves, a Unicorn and any Fairytale Creature you can think of were all there in Shrek's Swamp; shattering his peace.

"What are you doing in my Swamp?!" Shrek roared out as he got up, his voice echoed all over the sound of his Swamp; everyone and everything came an abrupt half as it was followed by screams and gasps. The Dwarves who held bowls to be fed with soup from the cauldron by the witch dropped them, the three fairies of Sleeping Beauty flew in the tent to hide and two Dwarves ducked out of sight and appeared holding each other out of fear behind a branch.

Shrek wasn't going to have all this; he eyed everyone and began to walk to some Elves and Dwarves. "Alright, get out of here. All of you, move it! Come on! Let's go! Hapaya! Hapaya! Hey! Quickly, come on!" He shooed them all backwards but some of the Dwarves and fairies ran into his home as Shrek turned back. "No, no! No, no. Not there, not there!" He ran after them as they slammed the door on him and a little green fairy, the door now unable to open despite his best efforts.

He stopped and turned to face the large group before them, especially on Donkey.

"Hey don't look at me, I didn't invite them!" Donkey replied.

"Oh, gosh, no one invited us" Pinocchio confirmed.

"What?!" Shrek came over, demanding to know what happened.

"We were forced to come here" He told the Ogre.

"By who?" He was flabbergasted until one of the Three Pigs told him.

“Lord Farquaad. He huffed and he puffed and he... signed an eviction notice." His brothers nodded in agreement.

"Alright. Who knows where this Farquaad guy is?" Shrek asked.

Everyone looked around at each other with no answer, until Donkey answered. "Oh, I do. I know where he is!"

"Does anybody ELSE know where to find him? Anyone at all?" Shrek was desperate to not to go with Donkey of all people.

"Me! Me!" Donkey tried to get his attention, jumping comically into the air. Baby Bear held his paw up, but was stopped by his father.

"Anyone?" Big Bad Wolf and a Green Wizard pointed to each other while Donkey continued

"Oh! Oh, pick me! Oh, I know! I know! Me, me!"

"Okay... fine." He reigned himself to being annoyed; Shrek knew that he would either go with Donkey or risk asking a human. "Attention, all Fairytale... things. Do not get comfortable, your welcome is officially worn out. In fact, I'm going to see this guy Farquaad right now and get you all off my land and back where you came from!" He pointed to the left before the entire crowd went wild.

Shrek shook his head and groaned before walking, four birds draping him in a flower cloak. "Doh!" He swatted them away as he sharply pointed directly at Donkey. "You. You're comin' with me" He told him darkly as he shoved the cape off him and started walking, the birds returning and dropping a flower crown on his head.

"Alright, that's what I like to hear man: Shrek and Donkey, two stalwart friends, off on a whirlwind big-city adventure. I love it!" Donkey rushed after the ogre.

Shrek tried to grab torch from a Dwarf while walking. He refused to let go, so Shrek simply shook him and then dropped the dwarf into the water where the dwarf resurfaced moments later.

"On the road again, sing it with me, Shrek. I can't to get on the road again!"

“What did I say about singing?" Shrek sharply turned to Donkey and grabbed his flower crown before throwing it off of him. They crossed a log that bridged the area between Shrek’s little island and the rest of the swamp.

"Can I whistle?" Donkey asked.

"No."

"Can I hum it?"

"Alright, hum it."

Donkey continued to hum ‘On the Road Again’ while Shrek

focused on the road ahead.

The two heroes marched off into the woodlands while being waved off by all creatures.

Art Explanation

So, it’s obvious I copied the title from the movie! It sure did make my life easier!

And I used a lot of references for my pictures. I hoped to make them true to the movie as possible.

The second picture is possibly my favorite, although I didn’t enjoy drawing all the scenery. It isn’t my specialty.

The third picture was fun! I remember being very jealous of Shrek’s belch power when I was little, lol.

To be honest, the fourth picture was my least favorite. It felt too busy.

The fifth picture is my other favorite, because it has Donkey!

The last picture was hard, for sure. I wanted to ge their reflections right, and not make the background look too crappy. It’s hard to adapt things from such a dark scene. But I think it turned out alright, although the scaling is a little funny :).

So, I was hoping to not have to write out these scenes myself, because it’s ten whole minutes of a movie and let me tell you, it’s hard to do from scratch. Luckily, I found a version, which I’ve left a link for below. I just polished it a bit.

Anyways, I hope you’ve enjoyed!

SOURCE

https://m.fanfiction.net/s/450448/1/Shrek-Adaptation

[auxiliarydetective]

Writer's Month - Day 10: sunshine | aged up/deaged

Another fandom? Yes. Another OC? Yes. Do I regret this? Yes. Will I apologize. No. It's too late for that. Time for some cringe, because this is based off an anime. Namely One Piece. What you need to know for this story is that my OC (Inari) has an ability that's based off a master-servant relationship. Basically, Inari always has a master. She has to obey their every command and, in return, gets powers related to their personality or own powers and abilities. Her allegiance/her master changes whenever someone defeats her old master or she is saved from death by someone, leading that person to become her new master.

Okay, have fun. Don't die from the cringe.

Inari stretched and let the sun shine down on her face. It was a lovely day in the New World, even if it had been somewhat chaotic. First the volcanic ashes raining down and now this stranger that Luffy had decided to pick up… Hopefully he was at least nice. A sudden crash coming from the kitchen ripped Inari out of her thoughts. “I’ll go check it out”, she called to Franky, who was standing at the helm. She jumped up and sprinted across the ship, to the kitchen, almost bumping into Zoro and Sanji in the doorway. The door and wall segment of Sick Bay had been blasted apart and Luffy was laying on the floor in the rubble, getting up. The stranger had woken up. He stood where the door once had been with his gigantic mechanical arm, standing at double an average person’s height, looking menacing as ever. “Nami-san, go outside”, Sanji told Nami. Nami nodded, visibly happy to get out of there. “Take care of it, please”, she said, then hurried out. “Straw Hat Luffy”, the stranger said menacingly, walking slowly towards Luffy. “Why are you a pirate?” Luffy grinned. “To become the Pirate King”, he said with pride. The stranger’s mechanical arm made an intimidating wind-up sound as he clenched its large fist. “Pirate King… Pirate King?!” Suddenly, he hurled his fist down on Luffy, who was narrowly able to escape. Zoro and Sanji, being the number two and three fighters of the crew, charged at the stranger in defence of their captain. Inari rushed after them, seeing it as her duty, even if her allegiance currently did not lay with any of them. Angrily, the stranger ripped the dinner table out of its place and hurled it away while Luffy was still standing on it, almost sending him flying into the stove. “Get out, everyone!”, Inari called to the rest of the crew. “We’ll handle this!” Just then, Sanji landed the first hit, as evidenced by a loud bang. But the stranger managed to block his attack and throw him away since Sanji’s foot had gotten stuck in one of the parts of his mechanical arm. Luckily, Sanji landed safely and skillfully on his feet. Then, Zoro stormed at the man, drawing his sword. A sharp, metallic clang cut through the air as it clashed against the large metal arm. The stranger blocked the attack, prompting Zoro to jump out of the way of his punch. Now it was Luffy’s time to attack. He managed to get only two punches in before being knocked away by a kick in the stomach. Inari watched closely from cover behind the overturned dinner table, unsure of what to do. “He’s strong”, she gasped. Never since their encounter with Kuma two years ago had she seen someone who had been able to hold their own against all three members of the “Monster Trio” of Luffy, Zoro and Sanji. “Be careful, Inari-san”, Sanji warned her. Quickly, he jumped into an attack from behind. But this backfired horribly on him as he was thrown right back, crashing into the ladder that led up to the balcony. Zoro attempted the same right after, but was also blocked. Then, he charged right at the stranger, only to be grabbed and slammed into the ground, leaving him winded. Inari gasped for air. Zoro usually took many more hits before showing even the slightest sign of damage. Luffy tried taking revenge, but was blocked off. Angrily, Inari threw a jet of water at the stranger’s chest to throw him off balance. This did practically nothing. It was like fighting a fire with a water pistol. But at least it distracted him and gave Zoro the time he needed to get on his feet. “Damn you, Z!”, Luffy yelled before charging into action once again. “Z…”, Inari whispered. The name branded itself into her skull. Steadily, the four of them kept attacking this Z. If this was going to be an endurance battle, so be it! He could not hold up against all of them forever. Suddenly, something large bumped into the ship. Z grinned. “They’re here.” A cold shower ran down Inari’s spine. More attackers? If they were on his level, the other six crew members would not be able to hold even one of them off for long. Inari drew her war fans and charged into close combat like her peers.

Even if her attacks were not leaving a scratch, the least she could do was try. Finally, they got a minute to breathe as they were able to knock Z back together. “Things are getting bad out there as well”, Sanji remarked. Really, there was shouting coming from outside. It did not sound like much, but Inari knew to trust his extensively trained senses. “Let’s end this now, everyone!”, Luffy decided. They charged at Z with new energy, doing the best they could in this small space while also trying not to destroy more things. Suddenly, Inari found herself face to face with Z, his giant mechanical fist slamming down towards her. Just before it could crack open her skull, she felt herself being grabbed by the waist and pulled out of danger. She felt the flurry under her skin of her allegiance changing. It may sound hard to believe, but she could feel her powers switching, the symbol on her left arm being warped into a different shape and her hair and eyes changing color. “Are you okay, Inari-san?”, Sanji asked worriedly, setting her down on her feet. “Yeah, I’m fine”, Inari said quickly. She knew that, every time her allegiance changed, it meant she had just narrowly been saved from death. Even though this had happened countless times already, it still gave her shivers every time it happened. She took a deep breath and the fear was out of her system. Behind them, Zoro tumbled across the floor, catching himself after another attack. He cursed and charged forward again. “Go outside and help the others”, Sanji said to Inari. “He’s not an enemy for you.” Inari could already feel her body getting ready to move to the door by itself. That had been an order. She nodded, smiled and sprinted for the door, dodging the splinters that were shooting from the dinner table splintering apart.

When she stepped on deck, she was greeted by a frightening sight. They were surrounded by large warships. On the grass stood a man in a weird ninja-like costume, doing a weird dance. Squiggling and tightening in his rhythm were vines that were squeezing the air out of Usopp, Franky and Brook, even if the latter did not possess lungs in the first place. There was also a woman with blue hair in a cape, presenting purple flames in her hand. But what confused her more was what was further away from her: Robin had shrunk, seeing as her sweater was now too big for her, and looked significantly younger. But Nami had turned into a kid and was completely sunken in her coat. And Chopper… Chopper was tiny. He looked like a tiny plush figure one might win at a price counter, with large eyes, a large head and a small body. “Inari!”, Chopper screamed, his voice even more high-pitched than usual. “You have to defeat her from afar! Don’t come down here!” Inari furrowed her brows and nodded. She took on a combative position, slashing her fans at the strange caped woman. Blades of air rushed at her opponent. Her first strike hit, as did the second and third, drawing the woman closer to the middle of the mast. The strange man continued his dance, aggressively chanting “Mosa! Mosa!” At his commands, vines wound themselves towards Inari, but they fell victim to her bladed fan. However, this made her lose her focus on the woman, who shot a ball of her purple fire at her. Inari was able to catch the ball in a gust of wind and divert it. Suddenly, a loud noise erupted behind her. She whirled around, just in time to be simultaneously hit by a ball of purple fire and hurled away by the shock wave of an explosion that tore apart the entire floor the kitchen was one. She shot backwards through the air and crashed into the mast, losing consciousness. When she landed on the floor beneath, between Sanji and Zoro, who had also been knocked away by the explosion, she had shrunk significantly in size. The jumpsuit that had once been short now almost fit her entire body. Her tattoo covered not only her wrist but almost the entirety of her forearm. During the bombing that followed, Inari did not move an inch. She woke up only hours later in her bed, with a throbbing pain in her head and the body of a six-year-old. Her room looked gigantic now. When she stepped out onto the deck, she collapsed to her knees. Everything was damaged or even fully destroyed. Their beautiful ship… “Oh, Sunny…”, Inari whispered. “What are we going to do now?”

[local80smotel]

All knowing love

pairing; V x Trans Man! Reader

summary; being under V's loving and watchful eye.

requested; Anonymous

rating; T

warnings; transphobia, parental abuse (physical), hints of suicide (but never outright said)

word count; 2185

A/N; this isn't wasn't the fluffiest thing I could write but once talking to my trans boyfriend I couldn't help but feel having a bit of angst was acceptable.

When Y/N was still just a child, he knew something was off about him. Not something "bad" or "wrong" that people would call this feeling when he'd tell them. "It's just a phase" was a comment that was thrown at them mostly by their parents when they were still in their teens, just before high Chancellor Sutler was ever in the eye of politics. Oh, how those days would seem like a humid southern summer walk compared to when Sutler came into the picture. The transphobia he had experienced grew like how weeds grow in futile soil.

The comments like "You're confused" slowly started to warp into something more demeaning to the boy as the Chancellor candidate's toxic grip on the people of England started to squeeze any "unwanted" life out of it. "Undesirable" life as he would call it. When hair was cut after Sutler was elected, there weren't small arguments anymore that would be fixed when he'd be asked if he were hungry and wanted to eat supper with them. It became violent and unlike the people who had raised him for the last 15 years. Having handfuls of freshly cut hair be ripped out because his mother was holding him by his scalp just to yell in his face how much of a monster he was broke his heart.

Was it fear that caused this? Were they scared of losing their only child as many other families had? Was their bundle of joy in their life really an undesirable and the cause of this virus outbreak? Just why? He'd ask himself that as he was packing his bags in preparation to leave the family home for good.

Three long years had passed and at the ripe age of 18, he moved out into the busy streets of London. A small pit in his stomach began to form as the sickening feeling came back. The cause of it was from one simple but yet complex question; could he survive in this fascist regime? Sadness also fueled this emotional fire, sadness from knowing he'd have to use so many things he knew was wrong and didn't describe him truthfully just so he could get a place to come to when curfew hit; The name that was long dead to him the second it was given to him and female pronouns. He'd be signing his own death certificate if he put Y/N instead of his deadname on his application to rent.

They'd look it up and find no Y/N L/N in England and call the police on him in a split second. Shivers ran down his spine as he imagined what would happen to him if that became a reality. No one knew what happened when you were deemed "undesired" but everyone after having Sulter for three years knew that they would go missing and would be never seen of or heard from again. You were just wiped off the face of the Earth.

Y/N lucky had enough money saved from working in retail for the past 2 years to get a small apartment. When he was finally given the keys to the place he couldn't help but sigh in relief. At least in this tiny space, he could be his true self without shaking in fear as he had in his past while being stuck in his parents' home. The next three years were some of the worse when it came to dysphoria. Being forced to go to work almost every day and be called ma'am or miss and be deadnamed constantly damaged his mental health to the point it felt easier just to be open with his identity.

Anything would be better than being forced to hide in this shell of terror. Nights of panic attacks and sobbing that sounded like a wounded animal as he laid on the rotten wooden floor became a routine. On the morning of his 21st birthday, he woke up in the late afternoon. There was no panic in him when he realized he was late for work, how could someone care when this would be their last day on Earth?

With scissors in his hand, he grabbed his hair and began to chop it off sloppily but that didn't matter to him as long as it was finally short like it was when he was a child, and that was enough for him. The thought that when the police would see him, that'd see a man instead of what society had deemed him brought a smile to the young adult. The feeling of freedom pumped through his veins as he went on with his day. It felt odd but refreshing to feel the cold air from his AC on his neck as he fixed himself some bacon and eggs. It wasn't the fanciest thing someone could eat on this day, but it was enough for him.

Around ten AM he left his flat, walking with newfound confidence due to his hair and now his wrapped chest. He had heard from the grapevine that wrapping one's chest in medical bandages could cause serious damage like nerve loss but one this final day he decided to risk it so he could pass in normal daily life. Being called sir by ticket seller at the movies brought him so much joy as he grabbed his "Count of Monte Cristo" tickets and wished them a good day as he went deeper into the movie theater to find theater four to watch the movie. Y/N was somewhat surprised to see only one other person in the audience. Sure, he was 10 minutes late but this was a classic film that was finally being let out of the vault to be watched again! Nevertheless, the man sat down a few rows in front of the figure, settling down into the uncomfortable chair.

“I didn't expect you to come.”

He could tell from how the figure's words were muffled that they were wearing a mask. Y/N turned to them with a confused look on their face.

“Excused me?” Y/N asked but their confusion just deepened as he saw that the figure was wearing.

A Guy Fawkes mask with a matching hat while wearing pitch-black clothing. The man under the mask chuckled as they stood up, Y/N couldn't help but be slightly intimidated by the height of this masked figure.

“I should have done this first so you wouldn't be so perplexed, ” he cleared his throat as began monologing, using many words that start with the letter V in his speech which in turn slightly impressed the 21-year-old.

“But you can simply call me V.”

"V" said while taking a bow

Y/N couldn't help but snicker at this display of some kind of knightship which in turn had V cocked his head in slight confusion on what could be so funny

“Well, Mr. V, might I ask why you're here alone?”

“I could ask you the same thing, but as I am apparently on a tight schedule I won't elaborate”

“Tight sch-” the man interrupted them by placing his leather glove covered finger on top of their lips

“Yes, very much tight schedule as I only have 2 hours till your self made demise am I correct?”

He was blown away at the fact this random stranger knew of his most shameful plan, but the feeling of shock was soon replaced with anger. This creep was stalking me! He thought as he slapped away the masked man, getting up from his chair as he did so.

“You have some right talking to me like that!” he yelled as he started to march away from them.

V reached out and grabbed their hair in a somewhat gentle way

“Y/N wait please, ” he sighed as Y/N stopped who's face was twisted in bitterness “I understand how you feel Y/N, I truly do. I was labeled an undesirable so please don't think that I've been keeping an eye on you in for any other reason than just to keep you safe.”

When he said this Y/N rage seemed to melt away slowly. How was he able to survive being an undesirable? So many questions filled the male's head but the only word he could speak was

“How?”

V let go of his hair as he straightened his posture “If you come with me I'll tell you.”

The more sensible side of the man told him to run away from this masked freak and enjoy what little time you had left in peace but something stopped him. After a moment of silence, he nodded to V's pleasure. He took the 21-year old by the hand and lead them to the back exit. The two walked down the alley and what drew Y/N's eye other than the 6'3 black mass was the posters. Every single one they pasted seemed to have a V cut into them.

He broke the long silence with another question “Did you mark those posters?”

“Does a raven speak?”

“But why?”

V didn't stop walking but he could feel his eyes on him. For being an undesirable he sure seems fine being out after curfew Y/N thought as they waited for the answer.

“The people deserve a symbol. Something to get them through this.”

He opened his mouth to ask what he meant by that but quickly shut it once the meanings of the words came to mind. Maybe he wasn't this creep, more like this country's guardian angel that would save them all from high Chancellor Sutler. It didn't take long for him to reach what Y/N guessed as V's home which turned out to be an abandoned Victoria station. Y/N looked over at him with an eyebrow raised as V opened the hatch that kept the station locked to the public who had originally thought it was abandoned. V turned back to the man and gave him his hand simply saying "follow me, sir Y/N".

Once V was given the curious man's hand he rubbed his thumb over their knuckles before tenderly pulling them inside. He held the hand as they walked in the pitch black, guiding them until they found a giant door which to Y/N's touch felt like it had complex carvings in them. When the masked man opened the door Y/N couldn't help but wince as golden light hit his E/C eyes that had just gotten used to the dark. He had expected V to let go of his hand once they reached his "lair" but he didn't. Oh, what a perplexing and mysterious man he was.

Y/N would be lying if he said his face wasn't blushing at this moment in time. V led them deeper into his beautiful home until both of them to were behind his couch which was black leather. In front of the said couch was a glass coffee table with a box on it. Y/N's hand was finally let go of as V sat on the couch.

“Come sit, I have something to give you.”

“But you said-”

“Please?”

He sighed as he complied, arms folded as he sat next to him. V opened the box and to Y/N's surprise, there was a biner in it. Once again, all he could ask was "How?" as all production and selling of items that could help trans folk was banned just as the Koran was. The masked man took the folded bundle into his giant hands and gave it to them once again shocked male.

“Life has been tough enough on you even if we don't add our government into it. Thank you for holding on. For surviving this long and not letting them take away your love for life and your fighting spirit.”

Without any hesitation, Y/N pulled V into a tight embrace with tears threatening to fall. No one had ever put their life in danger to give them this piece of happiness like this stranger had. All he could do was whimper out a "thank you" as a sob shook his chest deeply.

“Since I showed you my lair, you're going to have to stay till the next November the fifth, is that okay?”

Y/N couldn't help but nod immediately. He could finally be somewhere he was truly accepted for who he really was; a man who was just simply given the wrong body at birth.

V placed his hands on top of the weeping H/C man, stroking the uneven hair and placed his head onto the others.

“I'm cooking ham, is that okay?”

“mmhmm..”

“Thank you, Y/N.”

[maggyme13]

Why Licking (4/?)

Why Licking-Masterlist

Masterlist

Part 3

No orc that day had dared to even look at you for too long. Their comrade being eaten alive by a (now black and) white Warg must have been threat enough.

Not that you complained.

Azog had not once left your side (or better back) and neither did his Warg; as weird as it sounded, you felt save: his chest spends warmth and his embrace comfort.

Every once in a while, he would lean down to kiss and nibble at his mark, sending strange tickled through your throat.

It was a few hours into the day when a huge (and ugly) orc strode through the crowd. Three smaller, but similar built orcs tailing behind him, two of them seemingly dragging something between them. With every step they came closer the orcs parted and you were able to see more of him.

Are those metal-plates between his rips?!

“Bolg! You are back early. What do you have brought with you from your travels?”, your captor greeted the newcomer.

“I brought something from the hunt. We came across a caravan of Dwarves. We brought you a present. This Dwarf is the sole survivor. The trades are already in the storage room and I see you have found yourself a new toy.”, the newcomer chuckled, pointing his claw like fingers at the much smaller figure that was struggling in his orcs hands.

“Ye bastards! I will cut off every single head of yers. Ye bastard. Yer beardless scum!  In Mahal´s name you will die!”, the little man roared, his head read like a cherry of anger.

Is that a dwarf? I never thought I would ever see ne. What will they do with him I wonder?

Vibrations and roaring laughter pulled you out of your thoughts, the pale orc was laughing at the poor dwarf.

“You are in my territory now. Dwarf. At my mercy and I don’t intent to show any. Get the muzzle and collar, it seems I need to train my newest pet.”, the pale orc declared with a sinister smile.

Laughter and screeches erupted from the surrounding inhabitants of the cave, and you suddenly felt fear creep up your spine when a new orc came up to where you were seated, metal chains in his claws.

Are they for me? Please no chains? Didn´t I behave ?

“Put these on the Dwarf.” , he motioned from the orc to the dwarf and back.

Happily grinning, the orc stepped towards his captive, whose struggles increased.

Not for me then. But I am sorry for the you Master dwarf.

The dwarf put on a good fight and it took three orcs to put him into the restrains; he still continued his fights and shouting, though you couldn’t understand anything he said due to the mussel.

Azog kept laughing, only stopping to bite down on your neck. Startled, your focus was still on the little man, a small yelp left your throat and your muscles jerked together. Your high noise must have caught the dwarf´s attention, because his struggles ceased at once, his eyes focusing on you, huge with surprise. He hadn’t realized you were even sitting there and so he wondered what your purpose was with the orc.

Seconds past, where both captives of the orc-leader stared at each other; confusion and wonder mirroring in their eyes.

“(y/n),”, Azog growled into your ear, biting into your earlobe and pinching your thigh. He did not sound amused and you quickly lowered your head in surrender.

“My apologies, Azog.”, you mumbled, hoping to appease him.

“You are mine. No one else´s. He is nothing than a pet- a slave. There to amuse me and to serve us. He is nothing more than dirt beneath our feet.”, the leader exclaimed, grinning at the dwarf, “Sit with us, Bolg, and enjoy the food and your present.”

Once again you didn’t know what he was saying, but you guessed it was an invitation for the other male to join the two of you on the furs, for he sat down next to you and the pale one, his eyes locked on you.

“Where did you get your toy? She smells delicious. I wouldn’t mind tasting her.”, he asked his leader with a hungry glint in his eyes, though it disappeared at once when he caught the angry look his leader cast at him.

“She is no one but mine. Do not forget that son. I did not take her to play with her. She is no slave and does not answer to anyone but me.”, Azog growled, his Warg joining in, and making you wonder what they had been talking about exactly.

“You marked her.”, Bolg stated with a frown, one of his fingers moving your hair out of the way to get a better look at your bite.

“Be careful. One Orc already died today for touching her without permission.”, Azog warned his son, he would not kill him- he was too valuable as a captain of his orcs- but he would break a few bones, that was for sure.

“The dwarves, where did they came from?”, he returned their conversation to daily business.

“They were traveling north, around the mountains to that settlement in the Iron Hills. They bore the sign of Durin. Oakenshield wasn’t with them. Neither any of his blood.”

That statement was only answered by a nod.

“They had weapons and metals with them.”, the younger one continued.

“Smiths? He will be of use after all.”

  Food had been brought a while later, and again did Azog feed you using the tip of his prosthetic. You thanked him, not wanting to anger him (and because you really had become hungry), earning yourself a nibble and satisfied rumble from that orc.

The dwarf, who was seated at the edge of the little pedestal with his back turned towards you, was given neither food nor water.

And it must have been late in the day when your captor finally decided to return to his chambers with you. You were glad, for you had become very tired and hoped to be allowed to sleep soon. No Orc dared to look at you, when their leader guided you back to his quarters- the bound dwarf being dragged behind by the chains connected to his collar.

His Warg had wandered off at some time, taking its snack with it.

Is he going to take him inside? I don’t want him to be able to watch. This is humiliating enough already.

Your fear was proven, when Azog secured the chains against a wall INSIDE his quarters. Much to your dismay. Sparing one last glance at the bound male, you walked to the furs and yawned. While Azog hat placed his prosthetic at it usual spot (far away from the dwarf) and was now following you.

“(y/n),”, the male orc whispered into your ear, his hand resting on your side and his fingers already tugging at the shirt you were still wearing, “I wanted you on your knees the whole day, and now I can have you. Without showing what is mine to take.”

His hand glided down, only to go back up lifting the shirt and leaving you bare in front of him, once he had pulled it over your head.

Fires had heated the room all day and yet you began to shiver: You were  not comfortable with the Orc seeing you naked and now there was the dwarf as well. Trying to find comfort, you circled your upper body with your arms, hoping to shield as much as possible from the dwarf´s eyes.

“Do not hide from me. Or are you hiding from our new pet?”, the male growled, his hand prying at your arms, causing you to remove them.

“Please. Not with him-“, you mumbled, your eyes moving from the dwarf to your captor and back, “Please.”

“So, you are hiding from out pet. There is no need. Those Dwarves  claim to have honour. I always wanted to know how far that goes. Come.”, Azog chuckled, pulling you along to where the chained dwarf was sitting. His head jerked up when he noticed the two of you approaching, his body was tensing in anticipation of a beating or another sick fun that must have been coming for him. Anger was burning in his eyes, though he quickly looked away when he saw the naked body of yours next to the pale giant.

“Dwarf.”, the Orc addressed the other male, who ignored it, “Dwarf! See, (y/n), honour.”

With a quick move, he placed you in front of his strong chest, putting you on full display- with no way to hide.

“Don´t you like what I allow you to see? You are hurting me, for I can´t leave my eyes of her. Shall I allow you to feel her? Her skin is really soft and tastes better than honey. (y/n), why don’t you sit down?”, his hand, that rested on your shoulder, pressed down, making you follow his orders you couldn’t understand. Your chest was now on the same height as the eyes of the bound dwarf; whom closed them at once.

“I could take you now, right here and he wouldn’t look. And even though It would be fun to make him uncomfortable in doing so. I prefer to have you all for myself.”, throwing you over his shoulder, the giant orc carried you to the pile of furs that served as a bed.

Anticipating being thrown, you were surprised when he (almost gently) laid you down and turned you onto your stomach.

“I will taste you.”, he grumbled. His eyes were locked onto your ass, so hungry you could feel it and the intensity sending shivers up your spine.

You felt him lean forward. Both his arm and stump resting on either side of your head. His lips were already latched onto your skin, his sharp canines tickling you wherever he moved lower on your back. His arms following his mouth´s every movement. Reaching your ass, he pulled your hips into a kneeling position.

What is he doing? Wha-?

His hand moved from your hips, to test on your lower stomach; hit teeth biting into your ass.

“I bet you taste delicious.”, he rumbled and before you could think about what he might have said, something wet and raspy brushed between your legs.

“WHa-?”, you shrieked, making the male chuckle between your legs.

Is that his tongue? Is he licking me down there?

“Delicious!”

His tongue continued its assault, even entering you after a while, licking your insides and nibbling your folds. Once your first surprise and shock had subdued, you were able to relax and enjoy the things he did to you.

Yes, you were still uncomfortable with the whole situation, you didn’t want the orc to do what he did. But you had no choice, so why fight against it and anger the male, if you could just do everything you needed to do to survive.

Warmth pooled inside your lower belly, tingles spread from there through your veins and your breathing hitched alongside your pulse. It was the same feelings at the night prior and you smiled in anticipation for you knew the feeling would only grow until fluid happiness would enter your veins. Muscles you didn´t know existed clamped around your captors tongue.

By the Valar, this feels so good!

Wanting to deepen the feeling, your body pressed back towards the male, a moan leaving your throat and your legs twitched with your release.

Satisfied with your reaction, he sat up, his hand squeezing your backside before guiding his member through your wet folds, coating himself with your juices. Still sensitive from his attention earlier, you hissed in painful pleasure, only to groan when you felt him fill you to the brim with his hard member.

“So tight. You fit me so well. Take all of me.”, the orc growled, pounding in and out of you, his whole hand tangling in your hair and he pulled you up by it and against his chest.

His member now reaching places it hadn’t reached before.

Sounds of flesh hitting flesh mixed with moans and growls of pleasure filled the room. Stars danced in front of your eyes and your body shook with your second release. You had just found your high, when the male slammed one last time into you. Releasing his hot semen inside your womb.

Exhausted, the male slumped down, laying on his side, though not leaving your body.

“Rest now. Tomorrow is a new day.”, he rumbled, but you had already fallen asleep.

Part 5

[papenniesandbentoboxes]

Face Reveal!

Yay! I have 100 lovely, wonderful, amazing followers! Thank you all for being so awesome! 

As promised, I’m doing a face reveal!

That’s me.

I also promised a chaotic mini biography, so here goes. This is worse than Nigel Mookerjee’s memoirs. Also, his memoirs are iconic and beautiful and I could never compete with him.

(btw by mini i mean mini by nigel mookerjee standards so this is extensive and not mini by normal standards and very chaotic)

When I was born I was very very tiny. I had bright fiery carrot red hair with white around my crown. I was a genetic rarity since there was only one other redhead in my family in the past 100+ years. From the moment I could move my hands I did jazz hands and acted like a game show host instead of being a baby. 

Going on to preschool, I remember spending all my time playing with the musical instruments and coloring outside the lines because I hated the strict teacher and then they locked me in the bathroom for five minutes of time out. 

I started reading chapter books at 4. When I was 5, my mom borrowed a book called How to Teach Your Child to Read or something like that and I straight up just read that book. I started reading Nancy Drew books when I was 6 and Hardy Boys when I was 8.

When I was eight, I started professionally acting. I played Tiny Tim in the Act Theatre’s A Christmas Carol. I hated the guy who played Bob Cratchit because he was a jerk.

When my sister turned 6, we had a birthday party where my mom and I made her a DIY pinata out of paper mache and an oatmeal box thing. It took an hour to get it open. All the kids tried with the plastic bat and eventually the bat broke. After that, we got an ax handle and used that to hit the pinata. Didn’t work. We eventually had to get a chainsaw and use that. After we got the pinata open, everything was just plastic and candy dust.

I was in team level gymnastics by the age of ten, but I never competed because my mom and I weren’t gonna pay $100 for a leo, tshirt, and flipflops. I was in level 5 gymnastics when I quit.

I was homeschooled in the Pacific Northwest (where it is wet and grey 97% of the time) and moved to the high desert areas of Washington when I was 13. It is very hot and I hate heat. If anyone tells me this part of Washington isn’t a desert, I will show thou pictures of the natural vegetation with is DIRT, SAGEBRUSH, and FRICKIN TUMBLEWEEDS.

I’ve never gotten carsick in my life, but both my dogs do and they have both thrown up on my lap on three separate occasions.

In my freshman year winter break, I came back to school in January sunburned. 

When I was 14, my sister and I joined a circus. A youth circus, but still, a circus. The other kids were like, “You’re first years, you’ll only be clowns in your first year.” So, being me, I rebelled and proved them wrong, getting into 6 acts my first year. Suck it, haters. My main acts that I did were spansets (it’s an obscure circus act), Roman ladders, tumbling, swinging ladders, and tight wire (low wire without the poles). I eventually became a ringmistress and got to wear a really neat red and gold tail coat and a top hat. I had to quit circus after a knee injury from falling off of low wire and then making it 10x worse after my tumbling act.

The fabric on my spansets feels like if cheese graters were a fabric. It has ripped off my skin and I hate it.

My favorite person at circus taught me how to do a back flip through Newton’s First Law of physics.

When I was 18, I won 3rd place in the mezzo soprano category at State for vocal stuff. After I collected my medal, my choir teacher and her husband (the vice principal at my highschool) took my mom and I to eat Mexican food. The waiter there flirted with me and because I lack all social skills, I said, “Yike, buddy, I really like this cheese.” My mother, my choir teacher, and her husband laughed hard about that.

I sing opera, gospel, jazz, musical theater, and country. Because I was bored, at the beginning of quarantine, I got dressed up in my Legolas costume and sang “Kerosine” by Miranda Lambert in my front yard with my giant karaoke machine speaker.

When I was in Les Mis, I played Fantine and at the end when I was standing on top of the barricade, the lights would go black and then we’d have to go off stage to get ready for bows. I fell off the barricade more than one time. I was also a barricade boy so I got to die twice in the same show. I wore giant sideburns and a black wig and I was A MANLY MAN.

I played Scuttle in The Little Mermaid and nearly got killed because I rammed my head into a speaker and then fell off the stage and into the side door. It was fun.

My first roller coaster was the Incredicoaster in Disneyland.

After my first crush and heartbreak, I got over that stupid ass guy by going rock climbing, repelling, and white water rafting. If you ever want to get over a guy, just do something that could potentially kill you without safety gear.

I got nicknamed Buffy by one of my college roommates because I have arms not unlike Thor’s. I like the nickname, hate the person who gave it to me. She was an asshole and made my depression worse.

I was diagnosed with autism when I was 19 (just this February) and it was like watching a TV show with a twist ending and then looking back at all the foreshadowing in all 19 seasons of this weird TV show.

I’m allergic to cashews and we found out the hard way.

I lack most social skills unless I am in a professional setting and then I turn into a weird charmer. 

I can gargle “What A Wonderful World” and “Somewhere Over the Rainbow”.

I won my church’s Star Wars trivia night and won a nice basket of Star Wars stuff. I also won my library’s Star Wars trivia night. No one else knew what Boba Fett’s ship’s name was.

This is my sister and I at circus. I was a ringmistress that day and she was Lead Clown, Do-See-Do. I did her makeup. 

So that’s me. This is the face behind all the memes.

Stay rad, dudes. Yeet.

[pengychan]

[Coco - Gravity Falls] Three Part Harmony

I wrote this for @perlogannwyl in exchange for her donation to BLM. Her prompt was Miguel interacting with Dipper and Mabel from Gravity Falls, discussing the weirdness around them. It took me... much longer than planned to write this, so I made it into a longer fic to make up for the delay. Sorry for the wait, hope you like it!

If you’d like to request a flash fic in exchange of a charity donation, here’s how.

It took Miguel roughly half a day to realize that primo Jésus - “Soos, dude, call me Soos. Unless I have the fez on, then I’m Mr. Mystery. Want some pizza? I’ve got this slice that never ends!” - was not the oddest person he could possibly meet in that town. Not by a long shot. 

“The locals are not odd, Miguel,” his father had told him, bouncing Socorro in his arms while his mamá caught up with her tía. Or at least tried to, because she had her attention split in three different directions: a third on her grand-niece, a third on the telenovela playing on the TV screen in the corner, and another third on cleaning every surface within reach as visitors walked through that… Mystery Shack his cousin apparently ran. 

Miguel didn’t answer as much as he gestured wildly at their surroundings. Somewhere on his left, a man wearing a tinfoil hat was taking a selfie next to a fur-covered trout mounted to the wall. His papá opened his mouth, hesitated, closed it again, and cleared his throat. 

“They’re Americans,” was all he could finally say in their defense as Socorro tried to get back his undivided attention by attempting to rip off his mustache.

Miguel had expected Americans to be kind of weird, just not that kind of weird. Still, as he wandered around the Mystery Shack - previously named Murder Hut, a plaque read, which made him… slightly uncomfortable - he had to admit that stuff was actually kind of cool. Also, Soos’ girlfriend was nice and had shown him how to get snacks for free from the distributor. 

“Are you sure it’s not a problem?” Miguel had asked, causing Melody - nice name, that - to shrug while she gave a customer change with one hand and made notes for the table disposition at the upcoming wedding. It was the reason why they were there, but as Miguel’s mamá hadn’t seen her tía since she married herself, she had wanted them to arrive a few days before the ceremony to meet properly.

“Of course not, don’t worry about it. Soos shows how to do it to everyone who walks in.”

“Ah.” Miguel had taken a snack, and wandered out to eat it without being chased with a vacuum cleaner, walking past a group of people holding up cameras and trying to figure out whether what was before their eyes was a rock that looked like a face or a face that looked like a rock. 

And then he’d seen it, just as it disappeared behind the trees. Something tiny, with a white beard and a pointed hat and… and…

Miguel blinked, and looked again; nothing but trees, now. But he was… fairly sure he had seen something. As per what that something was-- ay, he must be hallucinating. Was the snack he was eating past the expiry date?

He’d just turned it around to check when a truck screeched to a half right beside him, tires leaving marks in the grass and giving Miguel a mini heart attack. The driver’s door was thrown open, revealing primo Jes-- Soos at the wheel, grinning widely. 

“Back from the bus stop! Dudes, this is my second-something cousin Miguel!”

The very first impression wasn’t stellar, mostly because most people he met didn’t greet him by smacking a hand on his forehead to put a sticker on it. Or trying to ask him if he was single. Trying to, because her brother very quickly and very loudly began introducing himself before things got awkward, moving the chat to more normal grounds.

Well. Relatively normal. 

“... And I’m going to be a bridesmaid and - they still don’t know it, but I’ll throw glitter everywhere,” Mabel announced, spreading her arms. “It will be a huge surprise! I mean, if you tell no one, it will be a huge surprise. But you won’t tell anyone,” she added, her smile huge. 

Miguel wasn’t entirely sure if she meant to come across as slightly threatening or if he was letting past bad experiences give him the wrong impression,  but either way he responded with a smile that he hoped was convincing. 

“I’ll be silent as--” a grave? “... As, uh, someone really silent.”

“Soos’ abuelita will probably vacuum it all up immediately,” Dipper pointed out, causing his sister to frown.

“Right,” she muttered, rubbing her chin like a general devising an attack plan. “We need to find a way to keep the vacuum away from her.”

“... You don’t really think she’d bring it to the church during the wedding, do you?” Miguel asked, only for both Dipper and Mabel to nod. 

“You have met her, right?” Dipper asked, and Miguel had to concede that they had a point. 

“Fair.”

“We should sabotage it,” Mabel declared, and suddenly snapped her fingers. “Oh! I know! When our Grunkles get here tomorrow--”

“Our great uncles,” Dipper supplied helpfully before Miguel could voice his confusion. 

“-- We’re going to ask them to help us turn the vacuum into a leaf blower! So that if she tries to clean up, she’ll only spread glitter even more! A double surprise!”

To Miguel’s worry, Dipper - who’d struck him as the most sensible of the two - began pacing, giving the matter some serious thought. “We would need to do it right before we head to church, if she tries to use it before we head off she’ll know. Someone will need to distract her.”

“Miguel volunteers!” Mabel exclaimed, grabbing Miguel’s arm and lifting it with a surprising amount of strength, almost lifting him off his feet. “He’ll distract her!”

“... Are you sure this is a good idea?” Miguel asked cautiously. It seemed pretty nonsensical, but then again, his own solution to a problem a couple of years prior had been grave robbing, so maybe he wasn’t precisely on a much higher ground. 

“It’s a great idea! Leaf blowers always worked well for us. We used it to blow away some gnomes once.”

Miguel blinked. With the mind’s eye he saw it again, something really small with a pointy hat running over some bushes. But he’d just hallucinated that… right? “... Qué?”

“Nothing!” Dipper exclaimed suddenly, trying to elbow his sister in a way that couldn’t have been more obvious if he’d tried. Mabel waved a hand. 

“Come on, Dip Dop, it took us… days to realize this place was weird. I’m going to be surprised if he didn’t notice--”

“... Was that a… gnome?”

Mabel gave her brother a classic Told You So grin.  “Did you see a very small guy with a beard and a red pointy hat, or a brooding mysterious stranger?”

“Uh… the first one you said. About over there, running back into the forest.”

“Then it was a gnome! If you'd seen the brooding mysterious stranger, then it would still be gnomes but, like, five of them stacked on top of each other. If you see a giant creature of unimaginable horror, that is still gnomes. Just a lot more than five.”

Miguel’s gaze shifted to Dipper, half-hoping he’d laugh and admit it was a joke. Instead, he shrugged. 

“Don’t worry, they don’t do that anymore,” he informed him.

“Ah,” Miguel said, faintly wondering if they were making fun of him or were just insane. But then again, he had seen a tiny man running off into the woods. Plus something even more incredible, too, a couple of years ago. 

Unaware of his thoughts, Mabel was frowning. “Come to think of it, the giant Gnominator would have been useful during Weirdmageddon.”

Miguel, whose English classes had never included terms like Gnominator and Weirdmageddon, settled to just nod as though what she was saying made sense. “... Right.”

“Or when Dipper raised the dead.”

“Of cou-- wait, what?”

“It was an accident, Mabel,” Dipper protested, crossing his arms. “You know it won’t happen again.”

“I know, I know. Oh, don’t worry, Miguel! We know how to beat them! A perfect three part harmony, and they’re dead again. Soos told us you like music, so you can sing, no?”

“I said I won’t raise them again, we don’t need Soos to turn into a zombie again right before his wed--”

“You met the dead, too?” Miguel blurted out, causing both siblings to trail off and turn to look at him. Suddenly it was Dipper step right in his face, taking a notebook and a pen out of… seemingly nowhere. 

“You met the Undead, too?”

Miguel blinked. Undead? “They were all… pretty definitely dead.”

“Yes, yes, but like-- zombies?”

“Uh, no. Just… skeletons.”

Mabel nodded, extremely serious. “Thin zombies,” she declared.

“What-- no, they were not zombies at all.”

“No eating brains?”

“... They seemed to prefer Pan de Muerto.”

Dipper wrote that down. “No biting?”

“N… no?”

“Trying to drag you in your grave?”

“No, they just all kind of… really wanted me to go back home.”

"So they didn’t try to kill you?"

"N--" Miguel paused. "... Well, one did. But most of them wanted me to go home. They were my family.”

Mabel sighed. “Aww, you raised your family from the dead!”

“No, I was just robbing a grave and--” he paused, and rubbed his temples. “I really think we’re talking about two entirely different things here.”

“Yeah, sounds like-- wait. Grave robbing?”

Miguel shifted. “Not my best decision,” he muttered. Only that it had been, in the end, if anything for how things had worked out. Had he not been in the Land of the Dead that night, then…

Dipper lifted the notebook again, clicking his pen with a slightly manic look in his eyes. “We have a lot to talk about,” he said, and they did. 

That place was weird, the people were weird, but Miguel found that talking about what had happened in the Land of the Dead, with someone who believed him, wasn’t too bad at all.