#river shook

[dustedmagazine]

Sarah Shook and the Disarmers — Revelations (Abeyance/Thirty Tigers)

Photo by Brett Villena

“I built my life on the edge of a knife when nobody believed that I could,” rasps River Shook, the tough but tender leader of this kicking cowpunk band. The song is “You Don’t Get to Tell Me How to Feel,” a boot-stomping statement of purpose, as the guitars flare,  the drums bolt upright like a scared horse, and Shook makes the case for constructing their own narrative in no uncertain terms. 

Shook came of age in Bible belt America, forbidden as a child from any contact with secular music.  Still these things have a way of back-ending.  The artist learned the piano, then the guitar, then formed a series of bands under their birthname Sarah Shook; they switched to River a few years ago as a personal identifier but continue to record under the old name.  Their music, however, remains sharp and unsentimental, punk in energy, country in its twang and sway.  Move over Beyoncé, you’re not the only one pushing out the boundaries of what Americana can represent. 

And so, Shook delivers gender inclusive busted romances in old-school juke joint style. Pedal steel flies through the jangling twang of “Backsliders” while an in-the-pocket country band keeps two-stepping time.  There’s a cheating partner and a wounded one, just like in all the old songs, but the trick is neither one is a dude.  “I’m a real piece of shit and you’re a vixen in a dress/I thought we was moving on/I was wrong I guess,” Shook cracks, out of the corner of their mouth, like Johnny Cash but different. 

The very real pleasure of this collection of songs comes in how the love of tradition collides with raucous rule-breaking energy.  You’ve got your outlaw country, sure, but did any of those guys write a song called “Motherfucker” and carry it off?  Shook does.   

Not every song stomps.  Some are plaintive and yearning, like the lovely “Jane Doe,” others full of anthemic slow-rocking swirl like “Nightingale.”  But all insist on direct emotional engagement and brutal honesty and acceptance of a very specific point of view.  River Shook is definitely not your grandma’s idea of a country powerhouse, but they are one all the same.   

Jennifer Kelly

[queer-musician-tournament]

[sinceileftyoublog]

Sarah Shook & The Disarmers Live Preview: 8/15, Robert's Westside, Forest Park

Photo by Jillian Clark

BY JORDAN MAINZER

For Sarah Shook & The Disarmers, Revelations (Abeyance) is, as its title suggests, an album about clarity. Though River Shook had publicly come out as nonbinary before the release of 2022's Nightroamer, their fourth album with longtime band The Disarmers is their first wholly born out of two other weights off their chest: Shook's journey to sobriety and dealing with diagnoses of ADHD and borderline autism spectrum disorder. The output is not necessarily an album about any of that as it is Shook's most empathetic record to date, a result of exercises in songwriting as the means to embrace oneself and others.

Revelations succeeds because its exclaims are simple, as direct as, "We don't need no god to feed each other good" on country rocker "You Don't Get To Tell Me", an argument for each life's inherent value. Sure, there's bad in Shook's world, from the ex who'll be "six circles deeper" in hell than them, or the domestic abuser on "Jane Doe", but Shook spends most of their time focusing on the person on the other end, overcoming despite it all. The haze of Blake Tallent's guitar and thuds of Jack Foster's toms emulate the "black cloud following me around" on the title track, the heavy head of clinical depression in a world subsumed by religion and capitalism. Nevertheless, Shook persists: "I'm done listenin' when the old guard tells me what my word is worth." "I built my life on the edge of a knife when nobody believed that I could," they sing on "You Don't Get To Tell Me".

Further, on "Dogbane", Shook posits that there is growth in the burning. Over a rollicking beat and sprinkled guitars, they sing, "Well it's lookin' like the end of days / If it ain't underwater, it's ablaze / And we got hope and heartache in each gaze." They look back at times of thriving in, or despite, chaos, hooking up on "Backsliders", leaving their ex on "Motherfucker". "When I die and split hell wide, gonna be some sight to see," Shook claims on the latter. Acoustic guitars and Nick Larimore's pedal steel complement Shook's nasal twang that momentarily becomes a yodel when they sing, "Sick to death of you," the very showy moment they promise in the song. Shook's always been an expert presenter of the high and lonesome in classic country, whether through their vocal performance or the versatility and expansiveness of The Disarmers. Revelations is their first album on which the very existence of its songs is a paean to survival.

Sarah Shook & The Disarmers headline Robert's Westside tomorrow night. Local singer-songwriter and Sad Cowgirl of Chicago, Reilly Downes & The Acid Cowboys open. Doors open at 6:30 PM, Downes goes on at 8, and Shook goes on at 9. General admission tickets still available at time of publication.

[foolsnonsense]

why do the gays want taylor swift so badly we already have a they/them with a mullet swilling whiskey and singing about how a cowboy stole their girl

[anthony-crowleys-left-nut]

just got sad thinkin about "you are always here to me. and i always listen"

[workingforitallthetime]

(x)

[beau-rebloga-coisas]

I unfortunately saw the babies bodies in a picture and like. I had two siblings back in november, and they had to stay in the hospital without mom and all i could think was that, if I was in the wrong geographic location those babies could've been my brothers. How is killing babies in incubators not a genocide. How's killing kids by starving them not a genocide.

[zzukohere]

what am i supposed to do when my supposedly straight crush tells me that she fingered a girl at an improvised lesbian orgy??? and she follows with "see, thats how i know i'm straight" ??!?

[eriksangel666]

New podcast episode is up! This week, we pay tribute to the iconic guitarist Jeff Beck and listen to his debut solo album, Truth :) 

[oveliagirlhaditright]

I can't believe that we're only half-way through February 2023 and so much crazy stuff has already happened this year.

And yet I'm also not at all because I honestly believe these are the "birth pains" the Bible talked about.

And because 2022 was getting so weird, I figured 2023 would probably be the same way and worse. Like, that we'd get more of the same (and maybe more intense things? And perhaps stranger?) and maybe even in faster intervals. (And that also goes hand-in-hand with the Bible mentioning the "birth pains", and how like a woman in labor they would become more frequent and painful.)

[beaversatemygrandma]

I just did a subtle test to my dad a bit ago. I ended up explaining how my name just Doesn’t Vibe with me. Like how I hate hearing it and the fact that I was named after a famous person and I even cringe when i hear about that famous person. (I found a documentary on her. Brought it up that way. Worked well tbh.) And the ending of this went Very Well. I was scared it’d be that situation where a parent is offended that you don’t like the name they gave you and it was the exact opposite. He asked if i still liked my middle name and offered to start going by that. I don’t mind my middle name (as long as i drop the e so it’s not the feminine name and more of the body of water. a change my mom approved years ago but idk if we ever did that legally) and uhhhh yeah. I might try that out. Might even be a name to keep once I’m out. (better than the medieval Hungarian one I’ve been using online tbh.)

Welp. My passed grandma is getting her wishes. Not only did they drop the second A for her, but I’m about to drop the whole damn name. You got your way nana, just 20+yrs later. They should’ve followed your advice, even if your advice was antisemitic which was why they did it anyways.

[inkskinned]

at some point it's just like. do they even fucking like the thing they're asking AI to make? "oh we'll just use AI for all the scripts" "we'll just use AI for art" "no worries AI can write this book" "oh, AI could easily design this"

like... it's so clear they've never stood in the middle of an art museum and felt like crying, looking at a piece that somehow cuts into your marrow even though the artist and you are separated by space and time. they've never looked at a poem - once, twice, three times - just because the words feel like a fired gun, something too-close, clanging behind your eyes. they've never gotten to the end of the movie and had to arrive, blinking, back into their body, laughing a little because they were holding their breath without realizing.

"oh AI can mimic style" "AI can mimic emotion" "AI can mimic you and your job is almost gone, kid."

... how do i explain to you - you can make AI that does a perfect job of imitating me. you could disseminate it through the entire world and make so much money, using my works and my ideas and my everything.

and i'd still keep writing.

i don't know there's a word for it. in high school, we become aware that the way we feel about our artform is a cliche - it's like breathing. over and over, artists all feel the same thing. "i write because i need to" and "my music is how i speak" and "i make art because it's either that or i stop existing." it is such a common experience, the violence and immediacy we mean behind it is like breathing to me - comes out like a useless understatement. it's a cliche because we all feel it, not because the experience isn't actually persistent. so many of us have this ... fluttering urgency behind our ribs.

i'm not doing it for the money. for a star on the ground in some city i've never visited. i am doing it because when i was seven i started taking notebooks with me on walks. i am doing it because in second grade i wrote a poem and stood up in front of my whole class to read it out while i shook with nerves. i am doing it because i spent high school scribbling all my feelings down. i am doing it for the 16 year old me and the 18 year old me and the today-me, how we can never put the pen down. you can take me down to a subatomic layer, eviscerate me - and never find the source of it; it is of me. when i was 19 i named this blog inkskinned because i was dramatic and lonely and it felt like the only thing that was actually permanently-true about me was that this is what is inside of me, that the words come up over everything, coat everything, bloom their little twilight arias into every nook and corner and alley

"we're gonna replace you". that is okay. you think that i am writing to fill a space. that someone said JOB OPENING: Writer Needed, and i wrote to answer. you think one raindrop replaces another, and i think they're both just falling. you think art has a place, that is simply arrives on walls when it is needed, that is only ever on demand, perfect, easily requested. you see "audience spending" and "marketability" and "multi-line merch opportunity"

and i see a kid drowning. i am writing to make her a boat. i am writing because what used to be a river raft has long become a fully-rigged ship. i am writing because you can fucking rip this out of my cold dead clammy hands and i will still come back as a ghost and i will still be penning poems about it.

it isn't even love. the word we use the most i think is "passion". devotion, obsession, necessity. my favorite little fact about the magic of artists - "abracadabra" means i create as i speak. we make because it sluices out of us. because we look down and our hands are somehow already busy. because it was the first thing we knew and it is our backbone and heartbreak and everything. because we have given up well-paying jobs and a "real life" and the approval of our parents. we create because - the cliche again. it's like breathing. we create because we must.

you create because you're greedy.

[beeseverywhen]

Got completely waylaid on my walk tonight and stayed out an extra hour lol cause I made friends with a lady who also doesn't like the new housing estate

[garudabluffs]

2023 Green River Festival Highlights:

Sarah Shook and The Disarmers "

At first glance, this four-piece outfit (drums, bass, pedal steel, and two guitars) seems like a cookie-cutter Nashville act, but as the entire crowd that hung on every note can attest, they are much, much more. There is a hard edge to their music that seeps outside the Americana outlines of their songs that feels like there is a punk band trying to get out. It doesn’t come across as much on their records, but see them live and the interplay of the three guitars (Phil Sullivan on pedal steel, Shooks on a Gretsch hollow body, and Eric Peterson on a Fender Stratocaster) and you will surely be convinced. They still played a set rooted in Americana, with stand-out songs like “Fuck Up”, “Been Lovin’ You Too Long”, and “Poison”.

Although there were times in each of those songs one could feel the hard edge creeping out, but the band left no doubt of their rock chops when Shook introduced their last number by saying “we are going to close the set with something a little different” and went into a ripping instrumental called “JCBC” that started slow but built into clashing guitars including screaming pedal steel riffs that utilized a set of effects pedals, Peterson wailing on the Strat, and Shooks playing the Gretsch with such force that must have had the strings wondering what they had done to deserve such treatment. The result was an epic closing to the Dean’s Beans stage, complete with a beautiful rainbow, that left the traditionally folk-loving Green River crowd screaming for more, late on a Sunday evening.

The closing number from the WAVE in Wichita, KS on August 3, 2022. Sarah and the band go heavy with the instrumental "JCBC" to end the night.

Sarah Shook & The Disarmers • JCBC Grand Finale • Cafe9 New Haven 11.9.2022

READ MORE https://glidemagazine.com/293357/2023-green-river-festival-highlights-sarah-shook-and-the-disarmers-miko-marks-eilen-jewell-alisa-amador-moxie-cory-wong-more/

[mellowwillowy]

Being a livestock for a vampire has never sounded good until you were kidnapped by a vampire as his spouse.

TW: Yandere, NSFW, SH, and massacre

The vampire was intrigued by the puny human he ran into when he was walking around the river in the morning, testing his new potion and spell that would keep him immune to sunlight.

What was once a plan to kidnap you as one of his livestock turned into a moment where you had to nurse him because he suddenly dropped his whole weight onto you, face blistered from the sunlight.

“You are awake now.”

Your voice stirred him awake more than ever. His once droopy eyes were wide opened in shock. He didn't remember having anyone in his manor.

Your eyes were locked with his Emerald ones and he defensively squinted his eyes. You raised both of your hands, “You passed out right behind me and I had to drag you all the way from the riverbank to my cottage.”

The curtain was drawn close suspiciously, not allowing any light to filter inside the bedroom. Did you know he was a vampire already?

“Was it an allergic reaction?”

“Huh?” he asked, baffled.

“Your face was blistered because it was the only part of you that was exposed. Nonetheless, you healed really fast so there was no need for any extensive care from my herbs. You were only out for a day.”

He started to feel his face, aside from patches here and there, there was nothing wrong with it.

“Ah yes, let me get the hand mirror for you—”

Just before you could stand up, his hand grabbed yours and held you on the spot immediately. If you were to realize he had no reflection.

“Can you help me stand and get me to the kitchen instead? I'm quite thirsty since I haven't drunk in a day.”

You stared at his eyes and glanced at his pale hand. It took you seconds before you agreed to him and supported him by slinging his arm over your shoulder and walked toward the kitchen downstairs.

His eyes scanned through your cottage, it was mainly dominated by white, ornaments, furniture, trinkets, and even flowers.

“You must have really loved white, considering even having flowers that can't grow in this land.” Yulian glanced at the potted flowers. Lilies of the Valley, daisies, baby’s breath, and lilies.

At that, you only hummed and sat him down on one of the chairs. You placed a cup of water for him and returned to the sink to prepare him what he assumed to be breakfast, judging from how bright it was outside the window.

Mindlessly staring into the window, he accidentally hissed from the sunlight reaching his bare-handed hand, alerting you of his discomfort.

“Oh dear, what happened?”

Yulian flinched at the endearment term you spoke before he regained his composure.

“Nothing, I just accidentally bit my tongue.” he lied as he tried to cover his blistered hand. You nodded and turned your focus back to the breakfast you were preparing.

“Are you allergic to dairies?” you asked him. “No.”

“Thought you were one unlucky man, it seems like you are not immune to light or something like an albino. I'm assuming Your skin is very sensitive to light since you were so covered.”

He only mumbled a few incoherent words before you snapped him out of his trance with a clap of your hands, “So what's your name dear?”

“Alan-” instinctively, the man shut his mouth and took a few seconds of silence before answering you.

“Yulian. My name is Yulian.” “Nice to meet you,” you served him a plate of sandwiches, “I’m the local physician here, you’ll be staying here with me for rehabilitation.”

Yulian raised both of his eyebrows, “But I am not wounded terribly in any way.” “Perhaps not, but this is how I work. Could it be that you are not a local?”

Yulian shook his head.

“Where’s your house? Do you need to go back home to your family immediately? I can stay in your place for a few days to make sure there are no more anomalies.”

Yulian frowned, what a persistent human. It was almost annoying, breaching people’s boundaries just to sate their own curiosities. He could read you that much.

But he agreed to stay in your cottage nonetheless.

𝑰𝒕 𝒘𝒂𝒔 𝒃𝒓𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕 𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆.

But you had always been attentive, drawing the curtain for him when he walked out of his bedroom. Offering to hold the umbrella for him when he wanted to walk.

What was once a plain bedroom was slowly adorned by flowers, mainly baby’s breath.

The food you made or bought was also not bad. They were decent for a human but not a vampire. Sometimes he had to mask his distaste to any food that consisted of onions.

It was not easy to sneak out of the cottage since you were sometimes awake and roamed around the cottage.

But it was a rather peaceful life. There was bustling sounds and noises from the cottage, unlike his dead and dark manor.

It was bright in your cottage but it didn't hurt him in the slightest bit. Was it because it was a ‘White House’?

𝑯𝒂𝒏𝒅𝒔 𝒂𝒔 𝒔𝒐𝒇𝒕 𝒂𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒍𝒊𝒍𝒊𝒆𝒔.

If there was something he disliked from you then it had to be your silver ring. Whenever you touched him with your hand ring, you would sometimes graze his skin with your ring.

He tried not to hiss but there were occasions when it was unbearable, just like when you were compressing him and felt his temperature.

Unlike in a few cases where he could hide his blisters, it was visible that his forehead was bleeding from the contact.

It was alarming for both of you, paranoia and fear downed him as he suspected you were testing him while shock and suspicion flashed onto your face.

There was a rift but Yulian was a great reader, he knew you did not mean anything bad and decided to lie his way out again. Alas, it's harder this time.

Another thing he didn't like about you was how you could be ignoring him for a whole day sometimes. It could be something interesting that got your whole attention or another patient coming.

Perhaps he was simply unamused by the idea of a lesser being taking away your attention from him.

𝑬𝒚𝒆𝒔 𝒂𝒔 𝒃𝒓𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕 𝒂𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒅𝒂𝒊𝒔𝒊𝒆𝒔.

You often strolled around the riverbank and forest, collecting herbs and wildflowers, sometimes walking down toward the village to buy daily necessities.

You didn't allow him to follow you at first, making him have to secretly follow you out of boredom and partial curiosity.

But upon week later, Yulian started to show you his interest in going out with you. It took him lots of convincing that he wouldn't fall sick from this and you reluctantly agreed to it.

For the first time, he could finally walk side by side with you instead of following you from the dark. It almost felt like his still heart was beating from excitement.

Apparently, all the villagers recognized you as a talented physician. They were all friendly to you and would do anything to help you as well.

It made something within him sting. Was it envy that he wasn't treated just as nice?

𝑽𝒐𝒊𝒄𝒆 𝒂𝒔 𝒔𝒐𝒐𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒂𝒔 𝒃𝒂𝒃𝒚’𝒔 𝒃𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒕𝒉.

Sometimes the two of you would sing under the moonlight as a pastime. Sometimes you would come to his bedroom at night and converse with him until he pretended to fall asleep.

Sometimes you would diagnose him. Sometimes you would tell him stories of your life. Sometimes you would ask him questions about his life. Sometimes you would cry in your bedroom.

He couldn't help but wonder what sorrowed your frail heart.

Sometimes he would enter your bedroom and observe your patterned breathing while you were asleep. It was almost as if the role was reversed. He was observing you out of curiosity and perhaps, adoration.

A human’s lifespan is as short as a stick. Not only couldn't they live long, but they were also vulnerable to almost everything.

Yulian brought his hand to cup your cheek, squeezing it just a bit before his fingers traced down toward your neck, feeling your jugular vein pulsating in rhythm with your heart. You were alive but he wasn't. You were loved but he wasn't. You were adored but he wasn't.

Was it envy that brought his fangs close to your neck? Was he envious of your life? Or was he simply being unreasonable? You stirred awake from your sleep, eyes adjusting to the moonlight that lit your bedroom. No one was in sight and the water you placed on your nightstand remained warm despite the chilling temperature.

Perhaps the envy in him was never directed at you.

𝒀𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒓𝒕, 𝒃𝒆𝒂𝒖𝒕𝒊𝒇𝒖𝒍 𝒚𝒆𝒕 𝒑𝒐𝒊𝒔𝒐𝒏𝒐𝒖𝒔 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒍𝒊𝒍𝒚 𝒐𝒇 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒗𝒂𝒍𝒍𝒆𝒚.

The only reason why Yulian was still resting in your cottage was because of his self-sabotaging. You were a physician and he was a patient, unless he had a logical reason to stay in your cottage then he had to excuse himself.

It started with how Yulian started to fake food poisoning, burn himself from the sunlight, fake an anemic, and wound himself with the silver ornaments you had in the cottage.

But Yulian understood it was only a matter of time before your dense self realized that something was wrong and chased him out of your cottage.

Would you scream at him in fury, fear, or disappointment? He thought he was used to rejection already but something changed within him with the time spent living with you.

And he didn't want to betray your trust. You trusted him with your little secret. The secret that you were actually the village's 'Witch'.

Yulian sighed audibly as he walked toward your bedroom, observing it from corner to corner for any anomalies. It had always been a paranoid habit of his. He wanted to make sure nothing dangerous was inside your bedroom or, to be frank, your surroundings.

Yulian walked toward your dressing table and gazed into the mirror. There was not a single reflection of himself, a reminder that he was never supposed to let you live in the first place.

Yet your touch never failed to soothe his stoned heart, it never failed to make him melt under your touch. And your existence did not hunger him in any way unlike the others would.

He had learned to co-exist with you before he realized it, it was too late for him to undo this dependence and bond, let alone feed on you.

Yulian walked out and waited for you to come back from your visit to the local church. As much as he wanted to join you, he couldn't risk getting caught by them.

Hours passed and the sun sank, the moon lit the dark sky and yet not even a single sound of your footsteps approaching the cottage was heard. Yulian dissipated into thin air and teleported to where you were supposed to be but you were nowhere in sight.

The church was eerily silent to human ears but not to an otherworldly being like him. He could hear an ominous chant beneath him. He could smell the sickeningly sweet incense lit beneath him. And he could feel the mark he left on your neck that night beneath him.

The 'Witch' play ends tonight.

-

You woke up in someone's embrace, the night was lit by the moonlight above you yet there was an unbearable heat nearby.

"You are awake now."

His voice stirred you awake more than ever. Your once droopy eyes were wide opened in shock. You didn't remember seeing him.

Your eyes were locked with his Emerald ones and you stared at his eyes. He smiled at you, “You passed out amidst the fire and I had to carry you all the way from the village.”

You looked behind his back and saw a huge fire consume the village, the villagers' cries were audible despite the distance. You clutched his black robe, "Wait, no! The villagers, they need me! I need to save them!"

"May I know why?" "Because I'm a Witch, the protector of this village!"

Yulian chortled at your remarks before he smirked, "And yet you let an outsider reside in your cottage for months."

All colors were drained from your face, and your heart sank down; "What do you mean?"

Yulian sat you down on one of the rocks and knelt in front of you, his gloved hand brought your hand ring, "Observe this."

He took off his glove and pressed your ring finger to his palm, the skin blistered from the contact and you instinctively pulled away, "What was that?!"

There was a tale of vampires and you wished he would deny it.

"It was troublesome for me having to avoid the mirrors in your cottage and anything that would reflect." Hand mirror.

"I never really like the dishes you made with onions but I stomach it all because I just couldn't muster the courage to see your sullen face," Onions.

"I really hate strolling when the sun is still up because I have to carry an umbrella with me all the time." Sun.

"Though I must say I don't mind being touched by you with your ring hand because it was worth the pain and trouble." Silver.

You backed away from him and just before your back could hit the grassy ground, his arm prevented you from tumbling back, "And I must say, it took me lots of time to properly mark and make you submit to a contract with me."

Contract?

Yulian cradled your confused body into his chest, the warmth you felt was not emitted from his skin but instead, the fire that devoured all the villagers who had been deceiving you.

All of the shock that weighed upon made you succumb to unconsciousness again, mainly from stress and trauma. Yulian frowned at your limp figure as he stood up and continued walking deep into the forest to his manor.

𝑳𝒐𝒄𝒂𝒕𝒆𝒅 𝒃𝒆𝒚𝒐𝒏𝒅 𝒂 𝒎𝒊𝒔𝒕-𝒄𝒐𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒆𝒅 𝒇𝒐𝒓𝒆𝒔𝒕 𝒐𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒐𝒖𝒕𝒔𝒌𝒊𝒓𝒕𝒔 𝒐𝒇 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒄𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒕𝒓𝒚, 𝒕𝒉𝒆 '𝑾𝒉𝒊𝒕𝒆 𝑯𝒐𝒖𝒔𝒆' 𝒘𝒂𝒔 𝒓𝒖𝒎𝒐𝒓𝒆𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒐𝒏𝒍𝒚 𝒃𝒆 𝒗𝒊𝒔𝒊𝒃𝒍𝒆 𝒕𝒐 𝒕𝒉𝒐𝒔𝒆 𝒘𝒉𝒐 𝒘𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒂𝒍𝒍𝒐𝒘𝒆𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒗𝒊𝒔𝒊𝒕 𝒊𝒕.

Yulian did not like the hostility that you showed him at all. The ongoing stress and trauma drowned you in the hysteria that would also make you harm yourself. It pained him that he was one of the causes of your hysteria, a hypothetical scenario would sometimes flash across his mind. What if he had not appeared in your life? Then perhaps your heart wouldn't sorrow to this extent.

Yulian tried his best to help you adapt. The once dark and grim manor slowly turned white. The exteriors and interiors were white before you could remember how it originally looked like. Flowers were blooming in the garden to your liking and a potted white flowers near you for you to adore.

While Yulian had the patience to make you warm up to him and face the reality of your life, he did not have the heart to see you suffer for so long. And as much as he wanted to change you into a vampire just like him, he'd rather not have it done unwillingly.

But time was not so kind for your age. The longer he delayed it, the older and frailer you would be.

Alas, luck was on his side when he secluded himself in his room for a long time for the first time you came here. He didn't expect you to find his presence soothing for you.

It appeared that all his efforts had made you think that his action of kidnapping you was just an attempt to save you from the villagers who tricked you into thinking that you were a 'Witch'.

You looked for him, calmly at first then frantically when you suffered from a panic attack. He didn't mean to test you but he knew well deep inside he was hurting you.

Even for a selfish and cold-blooded creature like him, he had to steel his heart before he could see you again. Everything he was feeling after he met you was his first. You brought colors to his monochrome life. You taught him that the smell of a morning was calming. You taught him how to spend his time with pastimes.

He could not find it in his heart to leave your side. It was his first time to feel alive and he was greedy, wanting more of it.

You stood in front of his chamber, waiting for him to open his door instead of avoiding you altogether.

--

"The servants took great care of you while I was away right, dear?"

Yulian never found the charm in terms of endearment, but whenever you called him 'dear', incomprehensible emotion and feeling surged into him. He still remembered the day you first called him that, it was foreign and weird to him but he didn't find it that bad at all.

You squirmed under his touch, squeezing yourself closer and deeper into his embrace while your hands clenched on the bedsheet. That was not the only thing you were clenching though, for his fingers were knuckle deep inside you.

You tried to form a coherent answer but what came out was simply a blubbering. Tears dripped down from your cheek from the way he curled his fingers, feeling your spot until your toes were curled.

You didn't know that even vampires could feel this much stimulation from sex. You assumed they just reproduced while feeling only half of the pleasure humans could have because of how cold-blooded they were.

You thought they only did it out of curiosity or memories of their past lives, or perhaps from the mood itself instead of doing it for pleasure as well.

Yulian brought his lip to yours, nibbling your lower lip why urging you to open your mouth, allowing his tongue to roam inside you while his fingers did not stop even one bit, drawing multiple orgasms out of you.

You really loved every bit of the man who once tried to kill you. The way his soft fangs felt your skin, pricking it playfully instead of sinking it deep inside your jugular vein and killing you on the spot.

You loved it when he caressed your cheek, you loved how gentle he was when he wiped the tears from your eyelashes.

You loved it when he was inside of you, you loved it when he knew every inch of your body so well to the point he could make you cry out of pleasure effortlessly.

You loved to see his cute face from how fast he came inside you but he never stopped his hip. You loved it when he kissed your face. You loved it when he intertwined both of your hands.

You loved it when he made your insides feel warm and full.

You loved him for severing the illusion of the 'Witch' inside of you. It was undeniable that Yuliad had saved you from the villagers' torturing you for accepting an outsider into your cottage for the first time.

You were simply curious of his condition and yet you were punished terribly for not keeping the said tradition. Yulian knew there was never a tradition, it simply was a doctrine for you who was a prodigy of a physician to save everyone from your village.

You were exiled deep in the forest so that you couldn't learn the life beyond the forest and village.

Yulian knew just as much when he first joined you on your stroll to the village. Everyone treated you differently as though you were a deity and you considered it to be something normal.

It looked normal to him considering they believed in the 'Witch' but Yulian knew better. You were just a human and all of these were just a doctrine from the church. To ensure the prodigy never left the village and was forever loyal to the church.

Spies were sent and he knew the church had probably noticed him as not only a weird outsider but also a vampire. It was unfortunate of you to be dragged into the church's underground and interrogated, forced to drag him to the church and had him staked to death. But you were persistent, you didn't trust them.

Just before Yulian was about to save you, you made a grave mistake of swearing on your name to make a promise with the devil to save you and your companion which was him. He knew you had always been so kind but wasn't that sort of naivety a little bit too much for a stranger like him? Perhaps this was the reason why the church wanted to force a much stronger doctrine onto you.

Their mistake was to not sense the danger that was him earlier. Your flaw was that you were too kind-hearted.

It gave him more reasons to seclude you from the world beyond the White House. His paranoia and obsession growing stronger with each day never seemed to unnerve you who were just a bright soul with a kind heart. A kind heart that was a contrast to his stoned heart.

That alone justified his paranoia of losing you. Surely you understood him right?

Author's Note: Thank you for reading this half-hearted work, I was so motivated to write a damn vampire fic but got writer's block mid-way smh. Happy 7th Anniversary to LIfE Project and 5k to this blog!

[honestly-what-the-lix]

I Should Be Jealous.

Summary: Chan, your boyfriend, sees you cuddling Jinsung and his heart melts a little.

Warnings: Just fluff for our sweet boys.

W.C.: 750

Notes: Idk, I am in love with Chan, but I want to baby the shit out of the Sunshine Twins.

You’d been peacefully reading on the couch, waiting for the boys to wake up on their day off for about half an hour before the first sign of life caught your attention. The door to one of the bedrooms opened and closed, followed by sleepy footsteps coming down the hall.

You looked up over the edge of the book to see Jisung’s puffy face and tousled hair. “Morning Ji.”

“Morning, Noona.” He mumbled back as he walked sluggishly to the couch.

“Still sleepy?” You asked, slipping the bookmark between the book pages and setting it to the side.

He nodded, his tired pout playing on his lips.

“C’mere.” You flipped the blanket that had been laying over your legs to the back of the large L-shaped couch and opened your arms for the boy.

He wasted no time in laying his body over yours in a koala fashion.

You flipped the blanket back down to cover him before sliding your fingers through his hair and humming and rocking just slightly until his breathing evened back out.

Keeping one arm over his back, you reached to grab your book and continued reading until rustling caught your attention from the same hallway a little while later. Floorboards creaked slightly as someone made their way down the hall and into the living room.

You smiled brightly as a barefaced, curly haired Chris emerged. “Good morning handsome.” You whispered, subconsciously rubbing Jisung’s back to keep him asleep.

“Good morning baby.” He replied just as quietly as he walked over to kiss your forehead. “You want some coffee?”

“Hmm, would you make me tea instead?” You asked, earning a nod as made his way into the kitchen.

You turned your head so you could watch him as he boiled the water for your tea and started the coffee for himself, only drifting your gaze down to Jisung when a few soft snores slipped past his lips. Your gaze returned to Chan who lifted up the sugar container with a raised eyebrow, a silent ask of how much. You raised two fingers and he nodded as he filled your mug.

He walked back in with two mugs and settled next to you on the couch. “I should be jealous of this, you know.” He chuckled lowly, motioning to the boy sleeping on top of you.

You smiled and shook your head. “Yeah, maybe if it wasn’t one of your members. Though, no one but the members are allowed to, so.” You sipped your tea quietly as Chan rested his head on your shoulder.

“I adore you for how well you take care of them, you know.” He reached up to Jisung’s back to lace his fingers with yours, helping rub the younger man’s back.

“I’m dating their dad, I wouldn’t dream of being the wicked stepmother.” You kissed the top of his head, causing him to giggle a bit.

Felix walked out next and pouted. “I want Noona cuddles.” He whined a little louder than you would have wanted.

“Shh, Lix. Ji is sleeping.” You still motioned him over though. “Lay across Channie and I’ll play with your hair, hm?” You offered, setting the now empty mug on the end table.

Chan’s smile was wide as he repositioned himself so the younger boy could lay across him.

Felix laid on his back, his head resting on Jisung’s arm but turned to face you with a content smile.

Your now free hand slipped into Felix’s hair, gently twisting the strands between your fingers and lightly scratching his scalp.

“This is nice.” Felix hummed, eyes closing to bask in the attention.

Chan squeezed your hand as he mumbled a soft, “It is.”

“Yeah, until Binnie gets up and wakes Hanji.” You pressed a kiss into the boy’s hair.

Felix giggled, nodding in agreement.

“What do you guys want to do today?” You ask, cheek resting against the spot you kissed on Jisung.

“We could go for lunch, take a walk down by the river, and get some ice cream.” Chan suggested, wondering what that would be like with your future children.

“Lunch!” The yell came from the stairs, causing Jisung to jerk awake and push up a little to look around with wide, confused eyes.

“Seo Changbin.” You scolded, head snapping to the side to look at the boy in question.

His mouth puckered and his eyes widened. “Sorry Noona.”

Chan and Felix burst out laughing as Jisung buried his face deeper into your neck with a whine.