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Show Me How
pairing: joel miller x f!reader warnings: age gap | oral (f & m) | unprotected sex | dirty talk | praise | virginity loss | gentle aftercare | no outbreak word count - 5.7k summary - He’s told himself a hundred times it can’t happen. He’s too old, too close to her family, too careful. But now she’s standing in front of him, asking him for the one thing he swore he wouldn’t give.
︶⊹︶︶୨୧︶︶⊹︶
You’d always told yourself it was harmless.
The crush. The looks. The way your stomach flipped when Joel said your name or glanced your way for a little too long. He was older—older in a way that should’ve been enough to stop this before it started. He’d known your family for years. Helped your uncle redo the kitchen. Fixed your car once when it stalled in your mom’s driveway. Brought over soup when you got sick last winter and couldn’t get out of bed.
He was just… around. Always steady. Always quiet. Always Joel.
And somehow, over time, that steadiness started to feel like gravity.
You learned his habits without meaning to—when he left for work, what time he ran errands, how he always wore that same faded Texas Longhorns shirt to mow the lawn on Saturdays. You pretended not to notice the way he looked at you sometimes, like he wasn’t sure if he should be. Like maybe he wanted to look away but didn’t.
You never let yourself believe he could actually want you. Not really.
Which is why showing up at his house tonight felt like something you weren’t supposed to do. Like stepping out of line in a way you couldn’t walk back from.
But you couldn’t stop thinking about it. About him.
About the fact that you were tired of feeling like the only one who hadn’t done anything—hadn’t been touched, kissed right, wanted for more than a second. And more than that, you were tired of not knowing. Of being afraid you’d do it wrong. Say the wrong thing. Be too soft. Too quiet. Not enough.
And if you were going to ask anyone—
It’d be him.
Joel, who never rushed you. Who always noticed. Who fixed things with careful hands and never made you feel small.
That was what brought you to his door.
And the second he opened it—hair damp, eyes tired, wearing sweatpants and a shirt you’d seen a dozen times before—your throat locked.
He blinked at you. Didn’t speak right away. Then: “You okay?”
You nodded, fingers curled in your hoodie sleeves. “Yeah. I was just… out. I didn’t know where else to go.”
Joel studied you for a beat, then stepped aside. “Come in.”
The door shut behind you with a soft click. You stood awkwardly in the entryway, clutching the sleeves of your hoodie like they might anchor you. Joel moved past without a word, walking toward the kitchen.
“Want some tea or somethin’?” he asked, already reaching for the kettle. “Still got the kind you like, I think.”
You nodded, unsure if your voice would even work right now. He filled the kettle. Lit the stove. Moved around the kitchen like this was just another Tuesday night and not the most reckless thing you’d ever done.
The house was warm. Familiar. You’d been here before—birthday barbecues, a couple of holidays, quick visits with your family—but never alone. Never this late. Never when the windows were dark and the only light came from that little flickering candle on the counter.
Joel glanced over his shoulder. “You can sit, y’know.”
You did. Quietly, on the edge of the couch like your body didn’t know where to land. Your heart wouldn’t stop stuttering. You weren’t sure what he saw when he looked at you, but it didn’t feel like much. Not yet.
He brought over a mug. Set it down on the coffee table. Then took the armchair across from you and let out a low sigh.
“So,” he said. “You wanna tell me what’s really goin’ on?”
You looked down at the mug. Steam rising. Hands still tucked in your sleeves. “It’s dumb.”
“Doesn’t sound dumb.”
You let the silence hang for a beat too long. Then: “Can I ask you something?”
Joel nodded. “Course.”
Your heart climbed straight into your throat.
You stared at the mug, every nerve in your body buzzing, fingers twitching. It wasn’t that you didn’t know what to say—it was that once you said it, everything would change.
“I don’t have a lot of experience,” you said finally. Quiet. Careful. “Like… any.”
Joel tilted his head. But didn’t say anything.
“I mean, I’ve kissed people. But I’ve never really…” You swallowed hard. “I just feel behind. Everyone I know has—done things. They know what they like. What to do. And I just… don’t.”
Joel leaned back a little. His jaw worked once. Still quiet.
“I’m not saying this right,” you said quickly. “It’s not that I want to rush or that I feel like I have to, I just—” You looked up, finally, and your stomach flipped. “You’re the only person I trust to… to teach me.”
He stared at you.
Not with shock. Not with judgment. Just stillness. Like he was trying to decide if you meant it—if you even understood what you were asking.
“Sweetheart…” he started, then stopped.
“I’m not trying to make things weird,” you rushed. “And I know it’s selfish. And I’m probably not even your type or whatever, and I’ll never bring it up again if it’s weird, I just—”
Joel didn’t say anything right away.
You could hear the second hand ticking on the clock across the room. The silence felt like pressure on your chest. You weren’t sure what you expected when you showed up here—but it wasn’t this. This long, still moment where he just looked at you like he didn’t know what to do.
When he finally spoke, his voice was quiet. Careful.
“You’re so young.”
It wasn’t harsh. It didn’t sound like judgment. If anything, it sounded like he was trying to talk himself out of something.
You stared down at your lap, throat tightening.
“I know,” you said softly, barely more than a breath. “You don’t have to say it.”
Joel sat up straighter.
“That’s not what I meant,” he said, quickly but still gentle. “I’m not—I didn’t mean it like that.”
You gave a small nod, even though you weren’t really sure what to say. Your fingers curled tighter around the sleeves of your hoodie. Your eyes stayed on the floor.
“I just thought...” Your voice thinned out. You cleared your throat, tried again. “I just thought maybe—never mind.”
Joel’s brow furrowed. “What?”
“I shouldn’t have said anything,” you mumbled. “You’ve always been nice to me and I... I shouldn’t have ruined that.”
His heart dropped. He saw your hands shaking, saw the way you blinked too fast.
Then he saw it—your lashes catching just slightly, that faint shimmer in your eyes before you ducked your head.
You were trying not to cry.
“Hey,” Joel said, gently. “Hey, no—don’t do that.”
You shook your head, swallowing hard. “It’s fine. Really. I don’t want you to feel bad. Or like I’m putting you in a weird spot. I just—”
Your voice cracked. You turned your face away.
And that was it for him.
“Aww, baby,” Joel said softly, barely more than a breath. “Come here.”
You didn’t move at first, but he was already leaning in, hand reaching out slow, warm, careful. His palm cupped the side of your jaw, thumb brushing under your eye like he could erase the tears before they fell.
“You didn’t ruin anything,” he murmured. “You hear me?”
You nodded—barely. Joel’s other hand found yours, steady and sure, lacing his fingers between yours like it was the most natural thing in the world.
“I just didn’t expect it,” he said. “Didn’t let myself think about it. But that doesn’t mean I don’t want you.”
Your breath hitched.
“I’ve wanted you,” he said, voice lower now, rough around the edges. “I just didn’t think I was allowed to.”
You looked up at him, blinking slowly.
Joel’s thumb traced your cheekbone.
“I’d take my time with you,” he said. “Make sure you felt safe. Make sure it felt good. I wouldn’t rush anything.”
You leaned into his hand just slightly—barely—but it was enough.
Joel’s eyes dropped to your lips.
“You still want this?” he asked.
You nodded, soft and breathless.
“Okay,” he whispered. “Okay, sweetheart.”
For a moment, neither of you moved. His thumb still brushed your cheek, your fingers still curled inside his. You were so aware of the space between you—barely anything, and yet everything. You could feel the warmth of his body, the steady rhythm of his breathing. It made you ache.
Joel hesitated.
“You sure you want me to kiss you?”
God, he really was trying. Still giving you an out, even now. Even when your whole body was already leaning in.
You nodded again, just as shy. “Please.”
That was all he needed.
Joel leaned in slowly—like he was afraid to startle you—and tilted his head just enough to brush his lips against yours. It was soft at first, barely a kiss at all, more like a question. When you didn’t pull away—when your breath caught and your hand tightened around his—he kissed you again, deeper this time. Warmer.
His other hand slid to your waist, grounding you.
You shifted closer without thinking, your knees brushing his thigh. Joel made a low sound in his throat, something surprised and almost pained. He pulled you gently, letting you settle in his lap with careful hands, like he didn’t want to scare you.
You felt so small like that. Not in a bad way. Just—held. His arms around you, his mouth on yours, the scratch of his stubble against your skin. Every inch of him was solid and steady.
He kissed you like he had time. Like he didn’t need anything else.
When he finally pulled back, his hand lingered on your cheek.
“You okay?” he murmured.
You nodded, a little dazed. Your lips tingled, your heart pounding. “I—I’ve never kissed anyone like that.”
Joel smiled, soft and a little crooked. “Yeah? You did real good, sweetheart.”
Your cheeks burned, but you smiled too. You felt warm. Safe. Wanted.
And you still wanted more.
Joel kissed you again, deeper this time, like he was trying to show you what he couldn’t say out loud. His hands were warm where they held your waist, steady even though you could feel how tense he was—like he was holding back something big. Something sharp.
“Alright,” he murmured against your mouth. “We’re not gonna rush. Just want you to feel good.”
You nodded, breathless. “Okay.”
He leaned back, just enough to look at you. “Tell me somethin’, sweetheart.”
Your heart skipped. “What?”
His thumb brushed your cheek. “What’ve you done before?”
You blinked, nervous all over again. “Not much. Just… kissing. A little touching.”
“Okay,” he said softly. “That’s good. Just wanna know what you’re comfortable with.”
You bit your lip. “I want this.”
“I know. But I still wanna go slow.” He paused. “Has anyone ever touched you? Down here?”
His hand slid gently along your thigh, stopping just shy of where you were warm and aching.
You shook your head.
Joel’s eyes flicked to yours, his voice low. “And you?”
Your cheeks flushed. You nodded. “Yeah. A few times.”
He smiled—gentle, not mocking. “Good. That’s good, baby.”
He leaned down, pressing a kiss to your neck. “I’m gonna touch you now. Just with my hand. That alright?”
“Yes,” you breathed.
Joel moved with such care—his fingers easing between your thighs, slipping beneath the hem of your shorts. When he found you already soft and wet, he groaned low in his throat.
“Jesus,” he muttered. “You feel that?”
You nodded, shivering.
“This all for me?”
“Yeah,” you whispered.
“Shit,” he exhaled. “You’re soaked.”
His fingers moved slow, parting you gently. You gasped, your hips twitching.
“Too much?” he asked.
“No,” you said, breath catching. “Just… new.”
He kissed the side of your face, murmured, “We’ll take it nice and easy. You tell me how everything feels, alright?”
You nodded.
He stroked you carefully—exploring, learning. Finding the spots that made your breath hitch, your thighs tighten, your lashes flutter. His fingers circled your clit, featherlight at first, and you whimpered.
“There it is,” he said, voice husky. “That feel good?”
You nodded frantically, too overwhelmed to speak.
“You’re bein’ so good for me, baby. You let me take care of you, yeah?”
Your whole body was warm and buzzing, every nerve alive under his touch. When he slid one finger inside, slow and patient, you gasped.
“Okay?” he whispered.
“Yeah,” you said, breathless. “Feels… full.”
He smiled against your cheek. “That’s what it’s s’posed to feel like. Just one for now. Gonna get you used to it.”
He curled it—just a little—and you whimpered again. Joel groaned.
“You don’t even know what you do to me,” he rasped. “Look at you. All pretty and sweet, takin’ my hand like it’s the only thing you ever needed.”
You clenched around him, involuntarily. His eyes darkened.
“Shit. You’re squeezin’ me already.”
You whimpered. “I—I don’t mean to—”
“I know,” he said, kissing you again, slow and deep. “Don’t you dare apologize.”
Joel kissed you through it, his lips warm and slow while his hand moved between your legs—gentle but focused, like he already knew your body better than you did. He didn’t rush. He didn’t push.
He paid attention.
Your hips bucked when his thumb brushed over your clit again, light and teasing. You gasped into his mouth.
“That feel good?” he murmured.
You nodded. “Mhm.”
He pulled back just enough to look at you—his eyes dark, focused. “Yeah? You like when I touch you there?”
Your face went hot, but you nodded again, biting your bottom lip.
He smiled—soft, proud, dangerously patient. “Good girl.”
Then he went back to it. Circling your clit in slow, deliberate strokes while that one finger inside you pressed deeper, exploring every new reaction you gave him. You were trying so hard not to make noise, but your body betrayed you. Your thighs trembled. Your stomach fluttered. Your breath hitched and broke.
Joel noticed everything.
“Y’ever touch yourself like this?” he asked, voice low.
You hesitated. “Not… like this.”
He raised a brow. “Not like what?”
You swallowed. “Not this slow.”
Joel chuckled—quiet and warm against your skin. “That’s ‘cause you’ve never been taught right.”
His words hit low in your belly. You whimpered as he curled his finger again, hitting something deeper this time. Your legs jerked.
“There?” he asked, voice roughening.
You nodded, breath caught. “Y-Yeah—oh—there.”
Joel groaned softly. “Fuck, baby. You’re already close, ain’t you?”
You nodded helplessly.
“Think you can come for me? Just from my fingers?”
You whined. He took it as a yes.
His movements stayed slow, but more rhythmic now—his thumb drawing tight little circles, his finger pumping deeper, coaxing something out of you so carefully, so sweetly. You clutched at his shirt, fingers trembling.
“Joel,” you gasped, barely able to breathe. “I—I think I’m—”
“That’s it,” he said. “Let it happen. Let me feel it.”
And then you broke.
It hit you like a wave—sharp and hot and overwhelming. Your body seized around him, legs clamping tight as the pleasure surged up and through you. You cried out, loud and wrecked, and Joel caught it with his mouth, kissing you hard while his hand worked you through every second of it.
“Goddamn,” he muttered. “You’re so fuckin’ pretty when you come.”
You were shaking when he finally pulled his hand away—slow and careful. He kissed your forehead, your cheek, the corner of your mouth.
“You okay?”
You nodded, dazed, still trembling in his lap. “Mhm. Just… I’ve never felt anything like that.”
Joel smiled. “You’ve got a lot more to feel, sweetheart.”
He kissed you again—longer this time. Slower. But now there was something heavier beneath it, something hungrier.
When he pulled back, his voice was deeper. Rough.
“Can I show you more?”
You looked up at him. Your limbs were still jelly, your heart still racing, but all you could think was yes. You trusted him. Even like this. Maybe especially like this.
You nodded.
“Yeah. Show me.”
Joel smiled when you said it. Not cocky—just warm. Soft around the edges, like the tension in him had finally given way to something sweeter. He tucked your hair behind your ear with a gentle hand, his other still cradling your bare thigh.
“Alright,” he murmured. “Then lie back for me.”
You nodded, breath still shaky. Your skin was buzzing—still oversensitive, still warm, but already aching for more.
You obeyed without a word, heart thudding as your spine met the mattress again. The air felt cooler now against your flushed skin, your body still buzzing from the first time he touched you like that.
Joel moved with you, settling between your legs without urgency. He leaned down and pressed a kiss just above your knee—then another, higher up. It was careful. Unrushed. Like he wanted you to feel every second of it.
“I want you to tell me if anything doesn’t feel good,” he murmured against your skin. “You just say the word, alright?”
You nodded.
“Words, baby.”
“Yes,” you breathed. “I will.”
“Good girl.”
His hands spread your thighs, slow and sure. Not to expose you—at least, not just that. More like reverence. Like unfolding something precious.
And then his mouth was on you.
Not forceful. Not greedy. Just… exploring. His tongue traced slow, soft circles, tasting you like he was learning something new and didn’t want to miss a detail. Every shift in your breath made him hum a little deeper, adjust, draw it out.
“Doing so good,” he murmured, pausing only to kiss the inside of your thigh again. “You let me know if it’s too much.”
It wasn’t.
It was everything.
You tried to be quiet, but your body had other plans.
Joel’s mouth moved with slow, deliberate rhythm—tongue tracing lazy circles that built heat like kindling. He didn’t rush you. Just stayed right there, steady and patient, until your hips started to lift, chasing every pass of his tongue like it might save you.
And he noticed.
“Yeah,” he murmured, voice barely a rumble. “That’s it, sweetheart. Let me have it.”
His hands slid under your thighs, pulling you just a little closer, anchoring you in place like he was afraid you might float off. And maybe you would’ve. Your hands gripped the sheets, searching for something solid as your breathing turned erratic.
“Joel—” you whispered, and it cracked.
He groaned low in his throat—like hearing you say his name like that did something to him.
“Feels good?” he asked, and when you nodded too fast, too desperate, he just hummed against you. “Thought so. You’re so fuckin’ sweet down here.”
The tension coiled again—hotter this time, faster. Your legs started to tremble, and Joel didn’t let up. Just flattened his tongue, applied more pressure, and listened to you fall apart.
“Don’t fight it,” he whispered. “Let it happen.”
You came with a sound that barely made it out—a soft, broken cry, thighs clamping around his head as you shook through it. Joel didn’t stop. Didn’t even think about it. He kept licking you through every wave, gentle and relentless, holding your hips like you might slip away otherwise.
Only when your body finally gave out—hips twitching, breath coming in shallow little gasps—did he pull back. His mouth was shiny, lips wet, beard damp. And his eyes…
Like he’d just seen something holy.
He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, then leaned up slowly, palm cupping your cheek.
“There she is,” he murmured, voice like honey and gravel. “That’s my girl.”
Your lashes fluttered. You felt soft all over, unraveled, held together only by the weight of his gaze.
Joel smiled, just a little.
“You did so good for me, baby. So fuckin’ good.”
He leaned in before you could even catch your breath.
One hand still cradled the back of your head, the other brushing your thigh, grounding you. His mouth met yours in a way that felt earned—soft at first, just lips to lips, letting you settle into it.
You tasted yourself on him immediately.
Warm. Humid. Faintly salty. It made your whole body shiver.
You pulled back, eyes fluttering open like it surprised you. Joel didn’t move far. His forehead rested against yours.
“Sorry,” he said, voice a little rough.
You shook your head. “No. I just… I’ve never…”
His thumb stroked your cheek. “It’s alright.”
You blinked up at him, still a little dazed. “That was… nice.”
Joel huffed a soft laugh, like he wasn’t sure what to do with that word. “Nice?”
You nodded, suddenly shy again. “I liked it.”
His smile turned quieter—almost reverent.
“Good,” he murmured. “That’s all I wanted.”
He kissed you again, deeper this time. Your fingers found the hem of his shirt, pushing it up slowly, and he let you. Let you explore his skin, the soft stretch of his stomach, the trail of hair leading down beneath his jeans.
And still, he didn’t rush.
Just kept kissing you—until your body relaxed fully beneath his, until the last of your nerves melted into heat.
Joel pulled back just enough to look at you, his thumb brushing under your eye.
“You alright?” he asked, quiet.
You nodded. “I want to… I want to do something for you.”
His brow creased, surprised. “You don’t have to.”
“I want to.”
Your voice didn’t shake that time.
Joel hesitated like he was going to argue again, but then his gaze softened, and he gave the smallest nod. He leaned back against the pillows, watching you carefully—curious, cautious, but clearly affected.
You sat up slowly, heart pounding. Reached for his waistband with trembling fingers, giving him one last glance for permission. He lifted his hips, helping you ease his jeans down until he was bare to you.
Joel’s eyes darkened, but his voice stayed low. “You ever seen a man before? Like this?”
You shook your head, heart thudding. “Just… in pictures.”
He chuckled, more breath than sound. “Yeah?”
Your cheeks burned. “Not those kinds of pictures.”
He smiled, slow and fond. “Didn’t say they were.”
You swallowed. Then curled your fingers around him.
God—he was warm. Heavy. Hard already. You inhaled sharply as your hand moved, just a little, feeling the weight of him against your palm.
Joel groaned. Quiet. Barely restrained.
“Jesus, baby…”
You looked up, eyes wide. “Did I do something wrong?”
He shook his head fast, eyes pinched. “No. Fuck, no. Just—been holdin’ back too long.”
You smiled, nervous but proud. Then you started to stroke him—tentative at first, just trying to feel out the rhythm.
Joel let out a soft, broken sound and tipped his head back.
“Just like that,” he muttered. “You’re doin’ so good.”
Your confidence grew with every soft grunt he made. Every time his hips twitched or his hand gripped the edge of the couch harder.
“You wanna try your mouth?” he asked, voice rough with restraint.
You blinked. “I… yeah. But I don’t know what I’m doing.”
Joel’s eyes locked on yours—hungry and warm all at once. He cupped your cheek. “That’s okay, baby. I’ll teach you.”
You shifted down between his legs slowly, your knees pressing into the couch cushions as your hands settled on his thighs. He was already breathing heavier, watching you with those dark, heavy-lidded eyes that made your stomach flip.
“Start with your hand,” Joel murmured, voice low and coaxing. “Get comfortable first.”
You nodded, wrapping your fingers around him again. The weight of it still shocked you. How hard he felt. How hot.
You gave him a slow stroke. Then another.
“That’s it,” he breathed. “Just like that. You’re doin’ perfect.”
The praise made your cheeks burn.
You looked up at him, a little shy. “Tell me what to do.”
Joel groaned. “Jesus, baby.”
His hand moved gently to your hair, not pushing, not guiding—just resting there. Steady.
“Kiss the tip,” he said softly. “Start there.”
You leaned in and pressed a hesitant kiss to the flushed head of his cock. His breath hitched. You did it again, slower, then let your tongue flick out to taste him.
“That’s it,” Joel said. His voice had gone hoarse. “Just your tongue, nice and easy.”
You licked a slow stripe up the underside, watching his stomach tense. He was biting back a sound, jaw locked tight.
“You can put it in your mouth now,” he said, rasping. “Only as much as you want.”
You parted your lips and wrapped them around him—just the tip at first. He exhaled sharply, hips twitching. You stilled, looking up at him in alarm, but Joel shook his head fast.
“Don’t stop,” he said. “You feel so fuckin’ good.”
You sank a little deeper, hollowing your cheeks. He groaned, one hand tightening slightly in your hair, still not pushing.
“Use your hand too, sweetheart,” he said. “You’re so good, baby. So fuckin’ good for me.”
Your hand stroked the base while your mouth worked the rest. You tried to keep a rhythm, breathing through your nose just like he told you.
When he swore under his breath, you felt it in your chest.
“Look at me,” he said.
You did. Eyes wide, lips stretched around him, cheeks flushed.
He groaned—deep and wrecked. “Fuck, that’s it.”
You took him deeper, feeling your throat tighten, your eyes sting. But you didn’t stop. You couldn’t—not with the way he was looking at you.
“You okay?” he managed to ask, even through the haze.
You nodded around him, and he growled.
“Goddamn. You were made for this.”
You pulled off slowly, a little breathless, a string of spit catching between your lips and the tip of his cock. He was flushed, panting, hands clenched into fists beside him.
“Holy fuck,” he said, voice blown out. “You sure you’ve never done that before?”
You laughed quietly. “I told you I’d be a fast learner.”
Joel leaned forward and pulled you into his lap again. His hands were everywhere—your back, your thighs, the side of your neck.
“You still sure about all this?” he whispered.
You nodded. Quiet. A little nervous. But you didn’t look away.
His hand brushed down your thigh, then between your legs—stroking over you slowly, making sure you were ready. “Feels like you are,” he whispered. “But I need you to tell me.”
“I want you to,” you said, barely louder than a breath. “Please.”
He exhaled like that did something to him. Something deep.
“Okay,” he said. “I’m gonna go slow, alright? Real slow. You just hold on to me.”
You nodded again.
Then he lined himself up, hand guiding, the heat of him settling right where you were softest. “You let me know if it’s too much.”
The pressure started before you could prepare for it—warm and wide and stretching you in a way you didn’t expect. You gasped, instinctively grabbing his arm, nails digging in.
Joel stopped instantly. “Too much?”
“I—I don’t know,” you whispered. “It just—hurts a little.”
He leaned down, kissed your forehead, your cheek, your jaw.
“I know, baby,” he murmured. “You’re doing so good.”
His hand found yours, threading your fingers together. Then he kissed you again—slow and deep, distracting, stealing your focus from the tight pull of your body adjusting to him.
Bit by bit, he eased in further, pausing when your breath hitched, pressing kisses to your mouth until the discomfort dulled to something else. Something warmer.
When he was fully inside you, Joel didn’t move. He just held himself there, breathing hard against your skin. “You okay?”
You nodded, stunned by how full you felt. “I think so.”
“God, you’re tight,” he whispered. “So fuckin’ perfect.”
His hand brushed your hair back, and he kissed you again—gentler this time, slower. “Tell me when I can move.”
You blinked up at him, dazed, breathless. “Okay… now.”
Joel started to move, just barely. A gentle pull back, then a slow press in, rocking his hips with an almost reverent kind of care. He didn’t take his eyes off your face—not for a second.
“You’re doin’ so good,” he murmured. “Feelin’ okay?”
You nodded, still a little overwhelmed. The stretch still lingered, but there was something else starting to build beneath it—heat, pressure, something that made your toes curl when he pushed a little deeper.
He felt it.
“Yeah,” he whispered, voice rough with restraint. “There she is.”
He moved again, a little more confident this time, keeping his pace slow and steady. One hand stayed laced with yours. The other braced at your waist, thumb stroking gently over your skin.
Every inch of him felt impossibly warm. Full. You couldn’t believe how close he was—how real it was. And yet he still treated you like you might break.
“You okay?” he asked again, quieter now.
You bit your lip. “It… feels weird. Good. But—intense.”
His eyes darkened a little, smile soft at the corners. “Yeah? Gonna get better, sweetheart. Promise.”
He leaned down, kissed the side of your neck, murmuring something you barely caught—so tight, so sweet, can’t believe I’m inside you. The praise made your cheeks burn, made your hips tilt up without thinking.
He groaned. "Fuck, baby. Careful—you keep doin’ that, I won’t last long."
You looked up at him through half-lidded eyes, heat buzzing through your chest and down your spine.
“I don’t care,” you whispered. “I just want to feel you.”
Something about that must’ve broken the last of his resolve, because Joel kissed you again—messy this time, like he needed to feel your mouth while he kept moving inside you, slow but deep.
You gasped into the kiss when he hit a spot that made your whole body jolt.
“There?” he asked, voice low and strained.
You nodded fast. “Yes—God, Joel—”
“That’s my girl,” he murmured. “Just let go. I’ve got you.”
He kept hitting that spot, rhythm just right, hand tightening around yours like he could feel every wave of heat building inside you. You were shaking, thighs trembling, nails digging into his shoulder—
And then it happened.
You came with a breathless cry, body locking up around him, vision going hazy at the edges. Joel groaned, burying his face in your neck as he lost it too, hips stuttering, voice rough against your skin.
You must’ve dozed off at some point, warm and aching and curled into Joel’s side, barely able to keep your eyes open.
He didn’t fall asleep.
You stirred when you felt his hand brush your thigh—gentle, coaxing. Not trying to start something again. Just checking. Making sure you were okay.
“Hey,” he murmured. “C’mon, let’s get you cleaned up.”
You blinked, disoriented, but nodded. He helped you sit up slowly, one hand steady at your back. You winced just a little, hips sore, thighs still trembling—and he saw it.
“Easy,” he said, voice softer now. “I got you.”
Joel guided you to the bathroom, flipping on the dim light. He grabbed a towel, ran the tap until it was warm, and knelt in front of you like it was the most natural thing in the world. You watched him in the mirror—his face focused, his touch careful as he cleaned you up with slow, steady hands.
“Still okay?” he asked, glancing up at you.
You nodded, a little breathless. “Yeah. Just… sore.”
“That’s normal,” he murmured. “First time’s not easy. But you did real good.”
You looked down, cheeks burning.
He noticed that too. Stood up. Pressed a kiss to your forehead.
When he walked you back to bed, he helped you lie down, then disappeared for a second. You heard the fridge open, the sound of water filling a glass.
Joel came back with a bottle of ibuprofen and handed you the water. “Take a couple. You’ll be stiff in the morning.”
You gave him a sleepy smile. “What, no post-sex pancakes?”
He grinned. “Tomorrow.”
He climbed into bed beside you again, tugged you into his arms like he needed you close to sleep. You let your body settle into his chest, warm and safe and still humming from everything that happened.
His fingers traced your spine, slow and rhythmic.
“Get some rest,” he said. “M’not goin’ anywhere.”
You believed him.
And for once, that was enough.
#joel miller#dbf!joel#pedro pascal#romance#joel miller tlou#joel miller / reader#joel miller fic#joel miller x reader#joel miller fanfic#joel fics#joel miller smut#joel miller the last of us#joel miller fanfiction#dbf!joel x you#dbf!joel x reader#pedro pascal character#dbf!joelmiller#the last of us hbo#the last of us fanfic#the last of us fanfiction#pedro pascal character fanfiction#soft!joel
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Yandere Romance x reader
warning/contact: small headcore and idea, toxic ig, please help me check if I make any mistakes or other things I forgot to include, yandere, stalking, supper random scenario or au, idk where this is going like really....


~Boyfriend au~
He loves cuddling up with you
He's probably a starve touch person and words of affection
He once even sniffed your hair while cuddling you, don't mind that much tho
He would also love going out shopping with you and especially when you ask him, "Does this look good on me?"/"Does this suit me?"
He loves dressing you up all pretty for him his taste and style, but if you don't want it or aren't feeling like it he'll go with whatever you want
He would also be a slow and deep kisser
After kissing, there will be a thin strand of saliva that clings between your lips and his, stretching with the distance until it finally snaps
your chest rising, your lips wet and swollen, a small trail of drool slipping down the corner of your mouth.(I feel like he loves it sloopy like that)
clingy 24/7
Pet names he would either call you my angle/princess /Suger cube/my sun/moon fuck if kinky enough then master/mommy
He would be the type to flirt with other girls just to see you all mad, frustrated, and jealous, and refuse to talk to him, idk he just wants to see you all tense
But if you ever dare pull up that move on other people, he'll be all sad, emo, overthinking that he isn't enough for you, and would keep asking questions like what makes them so special that you have to touch their arms, and all that
Or he would show off his clingy side in front of that person, like coming up from behind and hugging you at the waist and pushing their whole body onto your back, and placing their head on your shoulder, getting all so clingy by then you already know there's pushiment waiting for you back home
Or he'll just kill and take that person's soul after you leave (best solution out of all)
~yandere au slowly~
He seems like those guys that enjoy begging or simping hard and don't like it when other girls throw themself to him like some kind of rag doll
he wants changlle he wants to be fucking despried not only that you special to him in a particularly way
He would be so curious about you, he'll stalk your whole online site that your on if you don't have anything on there no worries, he'll just have to do it physically. He wouldn't mind rescheduling his time at all, you're worth every time he spend on.
But anyway, during signature time where the girl group and boy group join together while he was acting all cocky around with mira and abby/abs he then hear a fimallir soft voice, he instantly turn around just to see you
holy shit it's really you, you were standing there sliming and asking mira for a signature
like isn't suppose to be him? like- you caught him so off guard he didn't knew you like kpop maybe he's too carless and accidently miss your playlist many weird shits were going through his head , his expression may not say it all but one thing for sure he was stud like staring at you and not blinking you saw his expression and try to ignore it instent focusing on mira
While Mira try handing you back the photocard back he snatches it and puts his signature and number on the back of the card you couldn't refuse it or snatch it back, so you just accept it and smile at him while nodding at him
image like he had a small collection of your items, like after you left a cafe once you accidently left your hair tie behind and when he went over your table to you know...you know...to help you check if you left anything
it means the hair tie look worn out and kinda of covered with your hair, you probably don't want it anymore, so he took it and left
Back at his place, he personally hand-picked out all your hair and placed it in a small tiny box, and for the hair tie itself while he would sniff it for many purposes, even use it like it's his
The other members are curious to why he would go out when its supposed to be rest time for them to relex for the day but nope, he would dress up all weird with like black jacket sun sunglasses and mask a binne you know all those that look like a stalker, but never would have they though he's out there busy stalking someone i mean his nickname is romance he flirty as fuck
You were also be aware of a guy follow you non stop so you stop going out and rarely coming out. Instead, you used food delivery, all that, which makes him mad, like he now has to break into your house
shit that's it for now hopefully this is not too confusing its like a mix of my vomit ideas shit maybe I'll arrange it more proper in the future still hope u like my headcore and pls tell me if I did any mistake and ye any ideas u could share with me and I'll greatly consider it
#saja boys x reader#saja boys#k pop demon hunters x reader#kpop demon hunters#kdh x reader#yandere imagines#yandere headcanons#dark content#headcanon#romance#romance x reader#saja boys x y/n#yandere x reader#male yandere x reader#yandere core#headcore#k pop demon hunters#saja boys romance
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Saja Boys x Rumi’s Sister! Reader Pt. 2
A/N: Okay, by popular demand, I decided to make this into a series so after this one, I’ll have at least four or five more parts to this series as it follows the movie events. I also tagged those that asked for part 2/asked to be tagged. Thank you guys for your support!
TW: Not much, just insecurity and a little bit of self deprecating thoughts really
Word Count: 2,097
Part 1
SPOILERS FOR KPDH
“Great, (Y/n), you’re home!” Zoey cheered as soon as you came through the door, tackling you in a hug as you were trying to toe your shoes off.
You chuckled, managing to juggle the groceries so you could pat her back with one hand.
“(Y/n), where were you, we were waiting!” Mira grouched impatiently, her and Rumi joining you and Zoey in the entryway.
“Only for a little bit though, Mira, chill.”
You made an awkward face, “Uh, I was waiting for you guys to text me that you were done and you never—“
“Oh, (Y/n), you’ll never guess what we saw earlier!” Zoey interrupted you, taking the grocery bags from you to see what snacks you had gotten.
“Oh my gosh, you won’t,” Rumi agreed, looking at you with wide eyes.
“What?” You asked curiously, putting the groceries away as the other three separated out the snacks and junk food to take a mental list of what was there.
“Some demons,” Mira spat the word with a snarl, “decided to come after our fans by making a boy band.”
Oh that sounded too familiar to you. You froze. And then did your best to act natural. “Oh, whatttttt?” Okay stop, your voice is too high. You cleared your throat. “Really?”
None of the girls seemed to notice.
“Yeah, we’re gonna kill them tonight,” Rumi tells you. “So that means we gotta get battle ready. So, will youuuu…?”
You roll your eyes, “Yes, I’ll set out your battle outfits and make some dinner and bring it down to you guys,” You smiled indulgently at them.
“Yes! You’re the best (Y/n)!” Zoey cheered, pumping her arms in the air and throwing them around you. “And you’ll…?”
“Make you guys your pregame ramyeon? Yes, I’ll boil some water and bring it down with dinner so you can heat it while you eat.”
Rumi and Mira joined in the feral food cheering as the three made their way to the elevator.
“Yes!”
“Thank you, (Y/n), you’re the best!”
“Thank you, best sister ever in the entire universe!”
Sigh. Same routine as usual. They always took a few hours to get battle ready so you decided to go get their battle outfits down from the closet and make sure all the accessories and pieces were in place. And also set out some makeup and nail polishes that would suit their complexions and preferences while complimenting the black leather style.
After that, you started making dinner. Sometimes you felt more like an unappreciated housewife than the sister of an idol.
“Let’s go kill these guys.”
And, also like usual, you grabbed your backpack of first aid supplies and followed after them like a groupie.
To be honest, you really didn’t want to be doing this. They seemed nice back at their performance! They were just performing, singing their cute little soda pop song! And they were so nice to you too! Well… they were very flirty and that might have been because you were part of their target audience as a girl. But it was still very flattering!
Shaking your head, you remembered what they had said at the end of their performance, they were going on ‘Play Games With Us!’ right? You could probably watch it on your phone.
You struggled not to burst out laughing as the video streamed, they were all in baby high chairs with bibs with their names on them, in a hot sauce drinking competition! Baby was happily kicking his feet but everyone else looked like they were dying!
“(Y/n), come on!” A whisper-shout came from up ahead, they were holding the studio door open.
“Coming!” You shoved your phone in your pocket and jogged into the studio to join them. The four of you crouched in the sidelines of the studio, out of sight of the audience. And wow, it was even funnier to see in person.
“Once they come off the stage, we’ll jump down for the attack, and these boys’ll be…”
“Done, done, done,” the three snickered with gremlin smiles, sneaking away to get higher ground. Rumi turned to you as if she forgot you were there, “Oh, (Y/n), stay here out of sight or outside the studio, just in case. Okay?” She left.
“Yeah, okay…” It wasn’t like you couldn’t fight, you went through all the same training as Mira, Zoey, and Rumi. But the three often treated you like a helpless maiden when you went with them for demon hunts.
You turned your attention back to the stage, crouching in the shadows behind the backdrop of the set as one by one, the boys dropped out of the spicy challenge until it was just one of the hosts and Baby.
“It’s a dead heat between my handsome co-host and Baby Saja!” Baby was still sipping away at his bottle of hot sauce like it was just milk, content as can be. “Can our host catch up?”
Nope. He was red in the face and his eyes were crying. He gave up with a pop and a cry of, “So spicy! So spicy!”
The man collapsed forward. “No he can’t! Baby Saja is the winner!”
Baby pulled the empty bottle from his mouth with a pop, a nonchalant, almost bored look on his face, “Goo goo, ga ga.”
You had to slap a hand over your face to keep from laughing. ‘Oh my gosh! Spice KINGGGG! Iconic.’ In some way, that was hot in a way more than the spice itself. It was almost dorky in some way. It was… humanizing to see the so-called demon boys like this as they cheered for their maknae.
The segment was coming to an end and the host was starting to say the goodbyes when Jinu took the mic. You froze like a rabbit as he suddenly introduced Huntr/x as some surprise guests, a spotlight shining on the girls who peaked over the top of the set. You slapped a hand on your face, ‘girlssssss… how can you be so obvious…?’
It was really unfortunate when the leather of their outfits didn’t agree with the slide, making a slow, screeching descent as the crowd groaned. You and the boys had matching grimaces of second hand embarrassment on your faces…
And then they were trying to wrap it up and the Saja Boys were playing the bigger people by being respectful and humble, bowing to the girls, “It was truly an honor to share the stage with you.”
Seeing the positive reaction of the crowd, the girls tried to outdo them by bowing lower, “Oh no, the honor is ours.”
And then it turned into a bowing competition. You couldn’t help but widen your eyes at the boys, ‘These men were basically folded in half!!! Wow. Demon boys are really flexible…’ You slapped your face at the mental implications of that thought. And in the realization of the view you had of the boys from this angle. Wow…
Distracted by your mental embarrassment, you didn’t realize the curtains were closing and the boys were making their escape until a hand slapped over your mouth and arms were carrying you away.
Looking up, you saw that it was Romance, who gave you a sly smirk and a charming wink, “Hello there, sweetheart~” he cooed.
“Nice to see you again~” Jinu cooed as well, a mischievous grin.
‘WAIT! Did this mean they remembered you from earlier?! And was that Baby on Mystery’s back…?’
That kind of attention could go straight to a girl's head if she let it. Or her heart…
And now she was in some bath house. A men’s bathhouse to be specific. Absolutely done with your current situation, you couldn’t help but go limp in Romance’s arms, staring up at the ceiling of the bathhouse flatly. Why is this your life? Being kidnapped by hot demon boys?
“Awww, don’t worry pretty girl, we’ll give you back to your sister in a minute,” Jinu teased with a smirk as the boys took their positions for a dramatic encounter with Huntr/x. You couldn’t help but blush at the cute pet name. He called you pretttyyyyyyy…
And then the girls arrived.
Yadda yadda, followed them into the bathhouse, yadda yadda, simps for Abby’s abs, yadda yadda, stealing fans, clever evil snark, battle.
“Oh, don’t forget to protect your sister, too!” Jinu yelled and nodded at Romance, and then you were being thrown in the air towards a group of water demons.
‘Did this jerk really just throw you!?’
“Hey!” You twisted, landing on your feet and using the momentum to spin and launch yourself back at the boys, ducking and twisting easily between reaching demon limbs, “I am not. A. DAMSEL!”
Abs kinda shrieked in surprise, which was adorkable, and the boys took off while the girls with actual weapons started killing water demons. Jinu almost slipped on a puddle while making his dramatic exit which was also adorkable but now wasn’t the time for giggling at cute, evil boy antics.
Jinu was gremlin laughing cheerfully as you ran after them, your sister joining you in the chase and quickly overtaking you, slashing at Jinu. The two ended up detouring into a room in their fight and you kept going after the other four.
“I knew idol fans were crazy but I didn’t think it was this bad!” Abby called back to you with a smirk and you growled, your frustration giving you a burst of speed.
You leapt and ended up tackling Baby, causing Mystery to stop and come back with a protective snarl.
“I am not a psycho fan! I’m just trying to do my part!”
You twisted, having to let go of Baby as Mystery made a grab for you with his clawed hands. “And we’re just doing ours,” Romance was apparently joining the fight. It may have been a mistake going after the maknae of the group, it always drove the protective instincts of the rest of the group up the wall…
Leaping, twisting, kicking, punching, it was all you could do to protect yourself and try to keep them from running away until the other girls could catch up with the actual fire power.
“Do you own any shirts that actually fit or do you always shop two sizes too small?!” You couldn’t help but ask Abby as his abs flashed you before you kicked them.
“If it bothers you so much then stop looking, babe!” He smirks, twisting around Baby as the maknae swiped at you.
“Less flirting, more fighting,” the maknae drawled lazily. Your face flushed. From anger or being flustered, who knew. You knew…
“Not flirting!” You denied strongly, ducking under a high kick from Romance before jumping over a low swipe of the legs from Mystery.
“Awww, but I didn’t get a chance to flirt with her,” Romance whined. The four started moving faster, working more in synchrony as you struggled to keep up with all four of them at once.
You yelped when Abby and Mystery’s nails caught in the sleeves of your sweatshirt, the soft fabric tearing easily to reveal your arms. Panicked, you looked down and yeah. There they were. Your patterns. Your ugly, disgusting, demonic pattern.
When you were little, you used to use markers to color the space between them and make doodles on your skin out of the jagged lines until Aunt Celine caught you and berated you. She disciplined you so badly that you never even thought of doing it again.
And now they were on display. In front of four demons no less.
You hugged your arms, trying in vain to cover them, looking up at them. Their fight stances had loosened in surprise, their eyes darting across your arms to take in the darkening lines.
“Demon pattern…?”
You took a step back, terrified. They’ll tell Jinu and then they’ll tell Mira and Zoey and then the world and no one will ever accept you again. Mira and Zoey may accept Rumi as a fellow huntress but you? You who doesn’t matter? You who can only help with clothes and visuals? They’ll kill you in a second.
Having to pick between running and hiding or staying and keeping them from escaping?
You chose to run. Run back to the apartment by yourself to hide your skin.
And you didn’t notice how a foot took a step after you, a hand half raised to reach out to you, a lingering unreadable look as eyes followed you, a mouth partially opened to call after you.
Four demon boys left to question what just happened.
Outtake:
Huntr/x: “Can you believe it?! A demon boy band?!
You: “Yeah, it sounds like a good concept.”
Huntr/x: “… What…?”
You: “Yeah, hot demon guys coming for your soul? Fans are rabid for that kind of dark mystery. They’d sell their soul in an instant.”
Huntr/x: “…”
Tag List:
@brights-place @cultish-corner @enerofairy @mama-m1na @shynotded @shadowmoonlight0604 @omgsuperstarg @itmechaosartist @reni502 @chin-chii @akariis4snowball @gremlinartstudio
#reader insert#kpop demon hunters#saja boys x reader#saja boys#jinu x you#jinu x reader#jinu kdh#jinu kpop demon hunters#jinu kpdh#baby saja x reader#baby saja#romance saja x reader#romance saja#mystery saja x reader#mystery saja#abby kpdh#abby x reader#mira kpdh#rumi kpdh#zoey kpdh#romance kpdh#kpdh#baby kpdh#kpdh spoilers#kdh#kdh x reader#kpdh x reader#kdh saja boys#kdh spoilers#romance
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#birintiharmelegi#photography#amazing#astethic#lovers#desire#romantic#love#romance#passion#kiss#touch#beautiful#reflection#relationship#connection#affection#soulmates#intimate#intimacy#artists on tumblr#black and white#couple#couple goals
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#birintiharmelegi#photography#amazing#astethic#lovers#desire#romantic#love#romance#passion#kiss#touch#beautiful#reflection#relationship#connection#affection#soulmates#intimate#intimacy#artists on tumblr#black and white#couple#couple goals
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fuck yeah !!!!!!!!!













#thailand#lgbt#lgbtq#lgbtqia#queer#lgbt community#gay#lesbian#mlm#wlw#wholesome#romance#romantic#marriage#wedding#bisexual#bisexuality#lesbians#queer pride#queers#cute#news
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Transcript and links to Reddit under the Read more:
I miss my husband so goddamn much
February 27th, 2025
I (35M) divorced my husband (36M) three years ago. And God, I miss him. I asked for a divorce for a few reasons, most of which being that his depression got exponentially worse day after day and he refused to seek treatment. Sometimes he wouldn't even go into work and ended up getting fired from his job. I stayed with him for so fucking long, praying that one day he would start trying to get better. It was all I ever wanted, but that day didn't come. I sobbed the entire time signing those papers, and when I handed them to him and asked for a divorce, he just gave me the emptiest, deadest look and signed them without a word. My heart felt like it had been shattered with a hammer, anger and sadness and fear tied together in the world's tightest, ugliest knot and inset deep into my chest.
I put on a brave face for my friends, tried to frame it as shackles coming off and a new beginning, but it was a lie. It just hurt, and it keeps hurting, and it will never stop hurting. He was my soulmate. I'll never love anyone like I loved him. He used to be so sweet and loving, so passionate and happy and every other wonderful thing a man could want from another.
They say each day gets easier, but it isn't for me. It's been three years and I'm still reaching over to the other side of the bed in the morning to pull him close, and it always stings when my hands touch fabric and not his skin. It's been three years and I'm still expecting to see his car in the driveway when I get home from work. It's been three years and my heart isn't any less broken than the day he left.
I've been stalking his socials, I'll admit. He's been getting back to the gym, started meds, and I see him smiling so genuinely in these photos. He looks so incredible. Maybe if I had just waited, he would have changed his mind and went to a doctor like he is now? Or was it me that held him down? Was I making it worse?
I hope not. I wanna go over to his place and just fall into his arms and beg him to take me back. Maybe he's wishing the same thing about me. If there's even a chance I could have my boy back I feel like I should try. I'll never know otherwise.
EDIT: One: I am a homosexual man. My husband is a homosexual man. I am not a woman. Yes, I know I'm effeminate and kind of emotional. Get creative.
Two: my husband was a binge drinker. He refused treatment no matter how much I begged. We got antidepressants but he wouldn't take them. I know he's started meds now because he's posted about them and his 2 yrs sober chip that he got last month.
Three: I never stopped loving him. I never loved him any less. Near the end of our marriage, I started drinking to cope. The second I realized I was, I realized he was dragging me down with him, and I couldn't help him anymore. I didn't dip the second it got hard. Many of you are being kind of rude. I'll accept that I wasn't the perfect husband, nobody is. But claims that I never loved him are just wrong and make me feel sick to my stomach.
EDIT 2: No, I am not the catalyst for this. His depression started when his young brother died terribly and unexpectedly. It's not because he just hated me so much. We were childhood sweethearts and had been together for years when this happened.
[UPDATE] I met my husband that I divorced 3 years ago
March 2nd, 2025
Well, with Reddit's advice, I did it. A few days ago, I called my (35M) ex-husband (36M) whom I divorced after 6 years when he refused to seek treatment for his depression.
I called him later in the evening. It was the first time we'd spoken since a bit of trouble he'd had while he was still drinking 2 1/2 years ago. He picked up on the second ring. Our conversation was a little stilted at first, as to be expected, but he said he was really glad to hear from me. We ended up meeting up for coffee yesterday as so many of you suggested. I'll admit: it was kind of hard to see him, but in a good way? He looked so much better than the last time I had seen him, but he looked exactly like the man I married. He had put off a ton of weight (he gained like 75ish pounds during his struggle with depression, and before some dick says so, I didn't leave him because of his weight gain), he looked way healthier and very put together. I'll just say it: he looked incredibly hot. What made it hard was that I couldn't kiss him hello like I used to. But God, the way his eyes lit up when he saw me, I barely needed to.
We got our coffee and sat, and he updated me a little on his life in the last 3 years.
What really turned his life around was in part the divorce but moreso a DUI (nobody was hurt, he was caught a few blocks from his apartment). He's since gone to rehab and AA, gotten his license back, and had to use a breathalyzer whenever he started his car for a while. He hasn't had a drop of alcohol since and I told him I was so fucking proud of him. He's also started antidepressants, and made a point of telling me that they're not SSRIs, but when I asked what that meant he got embarrassed and told me nevermind (???). Bottom line is that they've been helping him, he's back to being a gym rat, and he's almost completely turned his life around. This was around the point I started tearing up. It just felt so good knowing he was okay. Better than okay, he was *good*.
I also apologized to him for not sticking by him. He cut me off and said I had nothing to apologize for. He was a wreck, and I was being dragged down with him. That also felt good to hear. I apologized for not contacting him much during the last 3 years. That apology, he accepted.
He was dating someone for a few months, too. He broke up with him once he tried to get him to drink on New Year's. He seemed dismissive of the guy. Guess it wasn't too serious.
We got up and went on a walk after a few hours, and I think we both realized it felt like a first date. I had to stop myself from trying to hold his hand at a few points, I'll admit. We ended up sitting on a bench in a nearby park, and I confessed.
I told him I missed him more than anything, how I never stopped loving him, and how if he wanted to, I'd love to try again from the beginning this time. We'd go to couples' therapy, keep our heads above the water, and take it slow. He was quiet for a minute before he told me something. He said he was doing better now, but there may be a time where he sunk low again. Depression isn't easily cured, and he was far from cured. He still had bad days, but he said there would be one difference: he promised he would never stop trying to improve. He was never going to give up like he did before, and refused to neglect me like he used to. If I was willing to accept that truth, he was willing to try again. I agreed, and he pulled me into an embrace and snuck a kiss to my temple. You know when it's the first warm day of spring after a cold, harsh winter, and the soft breeze and basking sun hit your skin at the same time? It felt something like that, to the 1000th degree. After a while he walked me back to my car and squeezed my hand goodbye, and the second I got inside I started sobbing like a baby. Happy tears, though.
I'm currently sitting in bed, kicking my feet like a teenage girl, texting him back and forth to schedule an actual date. He said he'd plan everything, and try his best to make up for the birthdays and anniversaries he missed. He said it would "knock my socks off." What a dork. I love being in love. Not gonna lie, this is gonna be a bit hard to explain to my friends and family. Not looking forward to those conversations, but right now I don't care. My man loves me.
Thank you to everyone who had kind words to say, and all the people that messaged me with sympathy and advice. I hope we all find happiness, and love if we want it. I never would have made the leap if y'all hadn't encouraged me. Best of luck to all of you, and sorry for the overly flowery language <3
EDIT: we've scheduled a date for tomorrow evening. I'll let people know how it went two days from now in my final (unless something big happens) update.
EDIT 2: at his place presently. Shame me not, reddit.
[FINAL UPDATE] I went on a date with my ex-husband last night
March 5th, 2025
My (35M) ex-husband (36M) and I recently reconnected. I won't go over the details of why we split or our reconciliation since I'm sure the average redditor can click buttons and most likely read. He was the one taking me out, and promised that it would, in his words, "knock my socks off" to make up for his neglect of me. He sure as hell delivered.
A little backstory, we've been together since we were 15 and 16 respectively, and have never moved out of our hometown. This year would have been our 20th anniversary (of getting together, not marriage). We were dating secretly for about five years before our parents caught us one day during summer break. The fallout from finding out their son was gay actually made his parents split. His dad wanted to send him away to conversion therapy. He's seen his father maybe once per year on average, and every time he's incredibly cold towards me. Would never refer to me as his son-in-law, only my husband's "pal." I wonder why. Anyway, not what you're here to read. I'll get on with the lore.
He picked me up from the house and wouldn't tell me where we were going, but told me to dress warmly. He ended up taking me to the place where we met: a run down ice skating rink in our town. He used to do hockey, and I spent some time trying to learn figure skating until people started beating me up for it. Both sports would practice at the same time and I remember barely being able to keep my eyes off him. We went skating, I tried to pull off a few of the moves I remembered (he only had to catch me from falling on my ass once or twice, and I won't complain about an attractive man that I love hooking his arm around my waist), and we spent an hour or so there until our feet hurt. At one point I said that my face was getting cold, so he skated around in front of me and placed his gloved hands on my cheeks to warm me up. I just about burned a hole in the ice from how hard I was blushing, I swear to God.
He wasn't done then. We left and went to dinner, specifically the restaurant where we had our first date. It's a cheap hole-in-the-wall place, seeing as we were poor teenagers when we first met. We chatted and ate food that probably took 5 years off our lives, he was an incorrigible flirt, and even held my hand underneath the table like he did all those years ago. I know I said I never stopped loving him, and I stand by that, but I think I somehow fell in love with him a thousand times over again during that meal.
At the end of dinner, he asked if I had energy for one more simple thing, to which I agreed. He took me a while out of town to a dark sky zone park, specifically the one where he proposed to me ten years ago. He set out a blanket to sit on and another to cuddle under, and we went stargazing all bundled up together. You never know how much you miss the sound of someone's heartbeat until you haven't heard it for so long. We shared a bottle of sparkling grape juice in plastic champagne flutes and dumb, giggly kisses. It felt so similar yet so different. He told me in a moment of quiet that he loved me, and oh, God. It took everything I had not to cry. I barely hesitated before asking if he wanted to change venues. He seemed surprised, but eagerly accepted.
I ended up at his place, as some of you may have seen from my edit on my second post yesterday. I wanted to take it slower than this, but it was so hard to. I was so starved of affection and hadn't been intimate with anyone for just about six years. I'm gonna keep what happened at his between us, but all I'll say is that his medication was no issue and all of you should be jealous. I woke up in his bed this morning, reached over for him, and pulled him close just like I used to do. I haven't been this happy in a long time. We had a sleepy discussion and decided to get back together, but we're not using the term boyfriends. It just feels weird after all this time. So he's my partner, or my lover. He's mine.
Thank you, reddit. Wouldn't have done it without a little push from the internet. Let's see where all this goes.
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most dope
possible headcanon that is op's dad implies conscious polyamorous multi-partner parental units
i've heard of cis het people doing this covertly, the not-so- "secret" family, so to speak. I've also heard of gay people doing this consciously and with enthusiastic consent on all sides... but rarely / never consciously with enthusiastic consent do we see cis het people doing this(?)... yet it's totally possibly by my math
Happy pride month to my dad. When I came out as bi to him, this man googled what it ment, look at me and said "ohh. Yeah. You get that from me. You'd have far more siblings of I only shaged women." And went right back to his work emails.
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— Nikita Gill
#literature#dark academia#poetry#romance#romantic academia#love quotes#memes#light academia#poem#quotes
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#poetry#dark academia#light academia#romantic academia#love quotes#poem#quotes#romance#love poem#memes#life quotes#writers on tumblr#literature#literary quotes#spilled ink#inspiring quotes#lit#art#dark aesthetic#life#spilled thoughts#written#ink#thoughts#quoteoftheday
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#birintiharmelegi#photography#amazing#astethic#lovers#desire#romantic#love#romance#passion#kiss#touch#beautiful#reflection#relationship#connection#affection#soulmates#intimate#intimacy#artists on tumblr#black and white#couple#couple goals
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😍😍😍😘
Favourite toy
(via)
#artists on tumblr#romance#love#photography#affection#novel#lovers#dark romance#dark romanticism#falling in love
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