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#sae angst
tnt-kokoo · 3 days
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Memories of an angel
pairings: Sae Itoshi × fem!reader
summary: You're like an angel for Sae. And that's why, he just simply can't get you out of his head.
warnings: mention of a death, mention of woo-hoo
masterlist
'Don't you trust me, Sae?'
The alluring and mocking voice could not ever be compared to another living being. Your whole self gave him the delusion that you're brighter and prettier than any star could.
'Are you just going to stand there or will you finally come in the water?? It's not even cold, I promise'
The way your beautiful smile was directed at him, he felt nothing anymore but the need to follow your voice like a sailor would to a siren.
You crossed your middle finger and your index finger like a child would but the way you did it was just so much more meaningful for the boy. He could not help but finally take his shoes off and walk towards you.
The quiet waves hitting the shore was like melody following your laughter. The older Itoshi felt peaceful in the silence the beach had to offer at the early hours, not long after the sun came up. He knows himself, that the only time he felt actually relaxed and calm was with you by his side. Even more when the two of you enjoyed time apart from what the Itoshi would let others see in your twos privat chambers. The first time felt like a blessing. Like a reward he did not deserve.
'I will always believe you, Y/n'
He muttered only for her ears to hear even though there was no one present at the beach. He wanted her to know it was only directed towards her calming self. And now seeing how your eyes soften you realized that too.
'Can you promise me something, Sae..?'
'I will promise you everything a man can give.'
'Don't forget me.'
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Waking up realizing the warmth was in fact not the warm sun highlighting an angel walking on earth with her boyfriend, but instead the warmth of his bed. He understood soon enough that this memory will definitely sty in his mind until his death comes.
Sae Itoshi could never escape them.
They were haunting him. But he never complained. He did promise you that he would never forget you, even after your death. He wished so much that he knew about your illness, but then, he would only worry and be anxious about your time running like the sand in a sand-clock.
He remembered how he proved you not to forget you and back then he didn't realize what he promised but looking back the signs were all there. But now, you are cherished memory in the mind of the midfielder, that he holds close by. He himself promised to never move on, but how could he, you were the earths own angel. You were a creation far beyond to what Sae was allowed to call his own.
He will never forget you.
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AN: a short story idk anymore 😭 I need new ideas anyway idk if the stroy is good (I didn't check for mistakes either)
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tim-shii · 29 days
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a/n: word vomit. i was salivating while scrolling thru the lego website. i need to be financially stable to purchase countless lego sets. but since i'm not 😔 here's bf sae buying you 🫵 a lego set cuz he's rich like that 😋 ending is rushed can u tell
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“bad idea, i told you.”
“don’t lecture me right now. i’m—”
“you’re what? rethinking your life decisions?” sae leans by the door frame with his arms crossed. he looks like a predator waiting to pounce on its prey. he’s basically sizing you up (he’s not, your judgment is just blinded by annoyance right now).
an hour prior, you two were on good terms. hand in hand, a perk in your steps as you journey towards the lego store. sae agreed to buy you a set as a gift because he missed your anniversary due to an overseas game. what he didn’t expect was that you would pick the eiffel tower set. he tried to talk you out of it, of course.
“you are not getting that.”
“yes, i am.”
“no. you are not.”
“you’re right, i’m not. because you’re getting it for me.”
“you have the attention span of a goldfish. you’re abandoning the building process five steps in.” sae snakes his hands on your wrist, stealthily prying off your hold on the box. not stealthy enough, it seems as you pull the box closer to you, almost hugging it. “no, i won’t!”
yes, you will. sae thinks and he’s certain he’s right with how your voice pitch up when defending yourself. with your unwavering insistent, sae sighs in defeat. “fine. come on, i’ll pay up.” he nods to the direction of the counter, strong arms easily grabbing the big box out of your hold. you follow him, bright eyes and a squeal of excitement threatening to escape your mouth.
fast forward, you got in the car, sae drives you both home and that’s what brings us to now.
perhaps, he’s right. maybe it is a bad idea. are you gonna agree with him? your ego says no.
but what else can you do when you’re faced with the sudden wave of laziness in the middle of ten thousand lego pieces? of course, ask your boyfriend for help. yes, even if it pains you to ask him.
“can you..” you groaned, physically restraining yourself to say the words that will admit your defeat. sae, however, is amused with your current predicament. “yes? can i what? hm?” oh, how you wish to wipe that smug grin on his annoyingly handsome face.
“help me with this.” you point to the mess of plastic bags surrounding you.
“care to ask nicely, princess?” he raises a brow at you.
“can you please help me build this stupid eiffel towel that has ten thousand pieces?” sae’s smile widens at every word coming out of your lips right now.
“what’s in it for me?”
“my undying love and devotion.”
“don’t want that, darling. already have it, try again.”
“i’ll give you a kiss.”
“give me the instruction book, you hopeless being.”
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likes and reblogs are appreciated! masterlist
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seravphs · 9 months
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ੈ♡˳·˖✶ — ITOSHI SAE x FEM READER
Even when you’re no longer dating Sae, Rin always comes running to you when they have a fight. 
wc — 1k
tags — angst, childhood friends to lovers to exes, reader treats Rin like her little brother
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“You shouldn’t keep doing this.” 
Rin’s eyes shutter. That’s the only way to describe it. He’s so good at that - flicking the switch that turns it off. 
Or maybe it’s unintentional. It’s always a reaction, after all. The little stars in his eyes fade in and out, hints of the little boy he was. To you, he’ll always be that kid. 
He steps off your stoop. “You said-“ 
He shuts himself up, jaw closing around what he wants to say next. You know Rin, even now. He won’t want to show his hand to you. He was so cute as a kid, running to you with all his little cuts and bruises. Now he’s all wounded pride, too grown up to come asking for a kiss to heal the hurt. 
You grab his shoulder before he can walk away. He’s so easy to read it makes your heart ache. He’s half yours, after all. 
“I didn’t mean you should leave.” 
“I’m not going to stay where I’m not wanted,” Rin says stiffly. 
It’s a testament to your enduring relationship that he shared that at all. You let a huffed laugh escape you, reach up to ruffle his hair. He’s still so cute to you, even when he acts tough. 
“What if I said I wanted you to stay?” 
“There’s no need to lie.” 
“Don’t sulk, Rin-Rin. You know I’d never turn you away.” 
It’s true - even if you broke up with Sae months ago, Rin would always have a seat at your table. You had promised him. 
You usher Rin inside and sit him down on your couch. He hunches in on himself, bangs hanging in his eyes. You resist the urge to clip them up for him, not knowing how much coddling he’ll tolerate. 
“What’s wrong, honey?” You ask as you rummage through the pantry. Where is it? You know you bought it after the last week he showed up, just in case he came back. 
“Nothing’s wrong,” he says defensively. “I just wanted to see you.” 
Since he won’t be able to tell, you allow yourself to roll your eyes. You know Rin loves you, but that’s not why he’s here. Reaching into the fridge, you take out the rice from last night along with some other leftovers. The tea you took from the pantry goes into a cup to steep. 
“Whenever you’re ready, then. You know I’m not going to push.” 
Rin makes a muffled grunt that could either yes or no. You bring the food over to him. You barely set it down before he’s looking up at you with those sorrowful eyes and you can’t resist the urge to hold him any longer. You let him rest his head against your stomach as you stroke his hair, rubbing his back gently. 
Rin turns his head against you, further nuzzling into you. He’s only like this with you. He’s your baby, after all. You and Sae had practically raised him. When he tilts his head, you can see the crystalline clump to his lashes and the frown on his face. 
There’s only one person who can reduce Rin to that state. 
You let Rin have his fill of comfort before he lets you go to start on his meal. Then, you walk into the other room for some privacy before you give your ex a piece of your mind. 
Sae picks up half a second after the first ring. Predictably, he lets you speak first. 
“What did you do?” 
“Was I away for so long I forgot how the Japanese say hello? I could’ve sworn-“ 
“Hello, Sae. What did you do to Rin?” 
There’s a beat of annoyed silence. 
“Why is that any of your business? We’re broken up, remember?” 
You do remember. You’d been the one to call it quits, after all. 
“Rin’s with me-“
“Brat,” Sae‘s tone is all annoyance. “Running to my ex-girlfriend just because we had a fight?” 
“So you did do something!” 
“I’m coming over.”
“Don’t-“ 
He hung up. 
“Rin, honey?” You call into the other room, receiving a yes through a mouth of food in reply. “Sae might be coming here.” 
That gets him up immediately. The door flies open and Rin stands there, looking at you with betrayed eyes that batter your heart. “Why?” 
“No, I didn’t tell him to! He just said he was coming - listen, you don’t have to say anything to him, okay? You can just stay here. I’ll talk to him.” 
“I don’t want you guys to talk without me.” 
Even if he doesn’t say it explicitly, you know what the underlying meaning of his words are. He wants to hear what Sae has to say, even if it hurts. 
He doesn’t want the two of you to fight. 
There’s a knock at the door. You and Rin share a look before he’s sprinting for it, you chasing after him. There’s no way you can outrun him, but still- 
You won’t be able to bear the look in his eyes when he sees Sae. He always makes the same face every time. Big, starry eyes for his big brother, his hero - right before Sae opens his mouth and crushes those stars in his bare fist. 
The door opens. 
In thinking about Rin, you had forgotten something crucial. Seeing your ex again stops your heart. 
“Are you serious?” Sae says, annoyed. He’s dressed lightly, in a simple T-shirt and shorts. His hair is rumpled. “You can’t handle a little argument so you have to have her comfort you? How old are you?”  
“Don’t talk to him like that,” you snap. 
“Why are you even letting him into your house?” Sae asks. “We’re over.” 
“We’re over,” you remind him. You should’ve predicted that nothing productive would come out of seeing him. The lingering feelings of resentment from your failed relationship are boiling inside of you. “Rin and I are fine.” 
You try to shut the door in his face. When he doesn’t budge, you huff and walk away, back inside. 
“Where are you going? We’re not done.” 
“I’m taking Rin home,” you’re already snatching your keys off the table. 
“I can do it. He’s my brother-“
Rin comes up behind you, clenches his fingers into the hem of your shirt. Plays the role of a little brother so well as he can only do with you, because you let him. You encourage him to, actually. You had always wanted a little brother, and when Sae had introduced you to Rin, you had practically adopted him for your own. 
Sae’s probably regretting that decision now, seeing Rin’s silent choice. The minute Sae’s face falls, seeing this, you want to take it back, but how would Rin feel if you did? You can’t. 
“Alright,” Sae says, defeated, just the way you wanted but somehow it doesn’t feel good at all. “I understand.”
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saerins · 1 year
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─── 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐒𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐌𝐄𝐌𝐎𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐒
+ itoshi sae x f!reader | wc 4k | content: angst, best friends to lovers to strangers type beat, i did not proof this besties
notes: lmao me , thinking i could get away from this man . guess who’s back with more sae ??? <3
summary: you’re the one sae can’t get over. he’s beginning to think he never will.
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the freshly cooked bread is on the floor. it litters the nice marble tiles. the chit of paper with the order writes mr. rin hatoki.
“i'm tired of this, sae.”
sae doesn't say a word. he's listless, sitting on the kitchen table, staring at his own reflection on the glass, wondering where it all went wrong.
“why don't you love me anymore?”
it's weird. he can hear the sorrow. he can feel the pain. yet he feels nothing.
“what does she have that i don’t?”
maybe you're right. maybe he's an asshole. maybe this is his punishment.
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the first time sae laid eyes on you, you were five and he was six.
he saw you playing with rin on the slides, and he remembers the way you smiled at him when rin told you sae was his older brother.
and even back then, even if it was a tiny crush based on superficial reasons like how sae liked your smile or your eyes or the way your hands felt on his when you locked hands and forced him to play with you and rin, he remembers you mocking rin and calling sae nii-chan.
sae remembers how he cringed inside because no. no no, he didn’t want you calling him that because that wasn’t what he wanted you to know him for. he didn’t know what he wanted exactly, but definitely not an older brother.
"itoshi-kun!"
“sae,” he corrected you, watching as you ran up to him on the field.
he loved the soft smile you wore on when you heard him. he especially loved the first time you said his name.
“sae.”
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the first time he saw you cry, it was when you scraped your knee after some boys accidentally pushed you over.
you were nine.
sae scared them away afterwards.
you weren’t exactly sobbing—he found out you were funny like that, like you wanted to cry but didn’t want to let anyone see. but it was frustrating because sae wasn’t just anyone. or so he liked to think.
“get on,” sae told you, getting down on one knee with his back turned to you.
“what?” you sniffled, vision still blurry from your would-be tears.
sae craned his neck to look back at you, a faint smile on his face. “come on, i’ll carry you home.”
“i’m not weak, you know,” you argued, and sae would’ve told you to just accept his offer when he realised you already did, obediently climbing onto his back and wrapping your arms around his neck.
it was a relatively silent walk back. sae could hear the rapid beating of your heart though.
maybe it was a tiny crush too. the kind that stuck with you for three years and four months and threatened to stick with you for the rest of your life.
“hey, sae?”
“hm?”
a pregnant pause. you held him tighter before ultimately loosening your grip.
“mm, nothing.”
sae really wanted to hear you. but he let it go.
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it was torture, really—you were fifteen when you got your first boyfriend. some guy called oliver aiku. who looked way too old for you, by the way, but fine, if you said he was only a year older than sae, who was he to question you?
sae hated it, really. watching you at the swings, laughing along with him, watching oli feed you ice cream. and you said oliver was a good striker too? sae bet he was better.
what did he have that sae didn’t?
and sae thought he’d love to witness the day when the two of you broke up. but he never counted on the fact that you’d be a mess when your heart was broken.
you ignored sae and rin for a couple of weeks, choosing to stay isolated, refusing to see anyone. you weren’t even replying sae’s texts.
[17:34] hey y/n, pick up the phone, idiot.
[17:34] rin misses you.
okay so that last part was a lie, but it was fine, rin didn’t have to find out.
[17:35] hey sae. :)
[17:35] hmm… so you don’t miss me?
sae had to do a double take at your text. since when did you become this cheeky? he didn’t even know why he was suppressing a smile.
it took him less than a minute before he got up.
[17:36] maybe.
[17:37] be at your place in 10, let’s get ice cream.
funny how he wanted to replace all of oliver’s memories. sae wanted you to lick the ice cream that he was holding. sae wanted you to play on the swings with him. everything him, no other stupid boys who would make you cry, who didn’t deserve you.
that was exactly what sae did—asked you what you did with oliver. you’d answer him, and he’d do the exact same with you, and he’d rewrite all the memories you thought would be so hard to forget, the very same memories you thought would be impossible to replace. yet sae did it, replaced the bad with the good.
sae wasn’t a mind reader, he couldn’t tell what you were thinking as he got you ice cream and fed it to you, couldn’t tell if you liked how he walked with his arm around your shoulder. couldn’t tell if you knew what he was doing.
he wished that you knew how he felt—then that’d make one of you. because sae had no clue.
“hey, sae?”
“hm?”
he got deja vu there.
and this time, you continued.
“do you do this for other girls too?”
sae nearly choked on that question because no, he didn’t do nearly as much for other people in general. you were the only one he’d ever put this much effort to.
“no.”
he can still remember your little smile to this day. it was pretty, even prettier since it was because of him. it was like a silent knowledge you both shared—you didn’t want him to do that for other girls, and he didn’t want to share you with other boys.
simple, but complicated. complicated because you were both shit at feelings and shit at admitting but it was still beautiful, if only because neither of you ever strayed.
back then.
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“what about a house?”
“i’ll buy you the nicest, cosiest one there is.”
“anywhere in the world?”
sae nodded. “anywhere you want.”
“i want to open a bakery one day. you gonna help me with that?”
“i’ll help you with anything you want.”
you giggled. “yeah? you and what money, sae?”
he rolled his eyes, resting his head against his palm, elbow propped up on your study table. “when i become the best soccer player in the world, genius.”
sae flicked your forehead gently, as he remembers he liked to, smiling softly when you winced in faux pain.
it’s funny how comfortable he felt talking about shit like that with you, only half-joking. it was an innocent conversation on how sae said he would be able to take care of you when you were both older. even if it wasn’t his place, even if he wasn’t even your boyfriend yet then.
“oh? so i’ll get the world’s best soccer player itoshi sae all to myself?”
it all sounded dreamy and attainable when you were both eighteen and sitting on cloud nine. when the both of you were dreamers with rose tinted glasses and honeyed tongues to match.
“is that a confession, y/n l/n?”
he remembers he caught you off guard. he knew because the way you behaved when you were flustered was already ingrained in his mind. the way you fumbled over your words, the way you couldn’t hold eye contact, the way you made him melt with how you seemed so vulnerable for a split second.
“what if it was?”
that was the first time you ever managed to render him speechless. only because of how honest you were being. only because sae wanted you to want him and you did and then he was reduced to some infatuated idiot.
“good, me too.”
and maybe that was his first mistake. when he didn’t make sure you knew he wanted you for more than just that moment, that he had wanted you for a long time coming.
maybe that was the first in line for the domino effect.
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life hit hard and fast by the time sae made a name for himself as one of the best midfielders in the world. he opened his eyes and saw that japan was not for him—he wanted more for himself, for his career.
sae wanted to move. and at the time, he wanted to bring you with him.
“how’s spain?”
it was the usual call the two of you had—a routine set in place because sae found he’d miss you too much if he didn’t hear from you for a while. it sucked that he couldn’t bring you with him now, not when he wasn’t best yet and not when you had a degree to finish.
“great, i play in the official match tomorrow, starting eleven.”
mundane updates about each other’s lives. he’d tell you about his soccer trainings and you’d fill him in on school. but for sae, it wasn’t enough. so he took a leap of faith this time, he was sure what he wanted.
“hey, what if we moved out here next time?” sae asked, cutting you off.
you stuttered, flustered and overwhelmed. in hindsight, maybe asking you that sort of thing when the both of you weren’t even officially together was kind of a stretch.
but sae had been sure at that point of time.
“there’s a lot to consider, sae.”
it was that tricky line where you were both more than friends but less than lovers and sae knew that over the phone wasn’t the ideal place to do it but he didn’t want to drag it on any longer.
“i mean, we’re not even together and we’re both just still kids, and—”
“then be mine.”
“i- what?”
for the first time, he was thinking about the future. and it had to be with you. he couldn’t imagine it another way. and when you agreed to be his that day, when you agreed you’d consider it for the future, sae was happier than he let on.
for the first time, the future was a little clearer. become the best midfielder, find a good forward worthy of his passes, and when all that was done and dusted, he’d always come back to you at the end of the day.
sae had thought hard about it.
but evidently not hard enough.
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reality hit like a truck.
because fast forward five years into the future and you had moved out to spain to be with sae, your future husband, the diamond ring nestled comfortably on your finger.
moving in with sae was fun, exciting. it was a new place, new continent, new start. sae was with you every step of the way, choosing the house, choosing the furniture. turned out, being one of the most in-demand soccer players paid way too well.
what sae never considered was the gravity of what he asked you to do—uproot your entire life to be with him. you were both still young and full of life and loved seeking thrills and you both failed to grasp what the consequences would be.
it was harder than you bargained; adjusting to the new country, learning a new language, making new friends and learning the culture. sae was a pivotal part of your support system, but sometimes he didn’t have a choice; he couldn’t be there for you a hundred percent. he had soccer, contracts to fulfil, people to please. you needed him more than you realised.
and when you moved in together, both of you saw sides to one another you never really saw before. like how you get frustrated when sae messes the entire bedroom up after you spent the entire day cleaning the mansion. or how sae shut down whenever he was having doubts about his team, his plays.
it was difficult. but it still worked.
for a while.
but arguments were getting more frequent. and sae forgot why he did this in the first place. maybe you should’ve spoken up more too, whenever something bothered you, then maybe you wouldn’t have felt this resentful.
you blamed sae for asking you to move out here. but it was what you wanted too.
it got to a point where there was an animosity between the both of you that you couldn’t handle. the type that made you sad because somehow sae turned into someone you didn’t even recognise.
“where’d you go last night?”
sae sighed, like you were a bother, but really you weren’t. he was just being a dick. it was never okay to just abandon your fiancé at home all because of a dumb fight which he couldn’t even remember by now.
“stayed over at the captain’s,” was all he told you. didn’t even bother explaining.
he wishes he did, then maybe you’d stop getting the idea that this relationship had hit a dead end.
“is that what we’re going to do now? just leave the other one alone, not talk when we fight?” you were soft, because you were tired. you’d been tired for a while.
you were tired. sae lost track of himself. everything was a mess and neither of you had the capability to handle it. sae was thinking maybe he made a mistake, and you were thinking it wasn’t too late to turn back. he couldn’t be bothered to remember how you got here in the first place, and he missed all the signs you gave him.
how you had stayed up late just to wait up for him whenever he had practice. how you agreed to be with him through everything and kept a smile on your face even when things were hard on you personally. how you cooked for two even when sae said he wouldn’t have time for dinners at home, just in case.
he’s sorry; you thought of him way too much, and he didn’t give you enough.
“sae, say something, please?” you were on the verge of tears, and he was on the verge of giving up.
sae knows what you wanted to hear now. but back then, he didn’t. he was too pressed on his own feelings that he just couldn’t find it in himself to think for you.
“what do you want me to say?”
you sat next to him on the couch, and he could hear you sniffling. he didn’t turn to look at you, didn’t ask about you, didn’t try to console you. for his own good. because he thought he knew where it was going, and it was better if he didn’t.
“sae… do you still want this?”
that was the first time he was unsure. because what he knew was that there was no one else for him. there was only you. he wanted only you, but everything turned out like this and he felt conflicted, tired.
he just wasn’t sure.
“i don’t know.”
but that was as good of an answer to you as any.
you’d watched him over the years. you’d tolerated all of his misgivings, you’d watched him train even when he was injured, even when you begged him to rest. you’d supported him throughout everything. you were everything to him, but at that moment, sae failed to tell you, and you couldn’t hold on to something that seemed so futile, something that was hanging on by a single thread.
something that might’ve snapped at any moment.
the next day, all sae woke up to was the engagement ring on his bedpost and your absence from his life.
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it’s been another five years since then.
sae’s back in japan. for some reason.
no, not some. just one. just you.
to think that up until now, sae still thinks of you. you’re always there somehow, in his memories. when he scores a goal, he still instinctively looks for your face in the crowd. when people interview him and ask him about possible partners, his first thought is your name. when he goes on his socials, he looks for you first. it’s habit.
sae’s jealous, still. even after four years apart. he still loves you. he’s still stupid. he’s still too late.
you’re happy now, if your posts are any indication. you live with him too. sae sometimes wishes he was him. then maybe he’d get to feel you again, be around you, hover over you and annoy you to no end. maybe he’d get to hear you call his name again.
but that’s a long shot.
you’re about to be mrs mikage soon. reo’s a lucky guy, whoever the fuck he is. sae hates him, but it’s biased. he’s probably good to you. he helped you build that bakery you always wanted, after all.
the bakery sae always orders from under a fake name because he doesn’t know whether you hate him and he’d rather not risk it. it’s the only way he knows how to hold on to you, to still feel close to you.
so he’s mr. rin hatoki.
“tell me!”
his girlfriend’s voice is shrill, it brings him back to the present, to his current predicament. to the fact that he’s been trying to put you in the past, but he’s not able to. and she knows it, too. she’s not dumb.
she probably stalked you ever since she first started dating him. she probably knew all along that the breakfasts sae buys for her is his pathetic excuse to just support your business. she probably knew that from the start, she stood no chance against you.
“i beg you, sae,” she’s crying now, and sae feels bad for regressing to this state, to hurting other people but most of all, he feels bad for flat out wishing she was you. “just break my heart already if you’re going to do it.”
two years with her down the drain. because he can’t forget about you.
sae doesn’t even look up at her because he’s filled with the vision of you smiling in his head. that’s all he’s staring at.
she asked what you had that she didn’t. and sae only knows the one answer is his heart.
“you’ll never be her.”
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sae stares at you from the driver’s seat. he’s parked on the opposite side of the road, it should be safely tucked away enough that you won’t notice.
you’re closing up. you look like an angel. you’re dawdling, slowly mopping up the floors, your hair so messy and you’re still so perfect.
he wants to go there, wants to run to you and hug you, wants to grip onto you and take back what he lost. but he of all people knows that’s impossible. so he stays in his driver’s seat, stays in his fantasies, stays away from you.
maybe he should just drive away. maybe he should stop pining for you. this is stupid.
especially stupid when he sees your future husband pull up and run up the sidewalk, runs into your arms, carries you and spins you around and presses a kiss onto your perfect nose.
sae can only vaguely make out what he’s saying.
“have a surprise for you at home, baby.”
and sae can’t tell what you said, but he can tell you love him by the slow, affectionate kiss you give him, the way you wrap your arms around his neck and laugh against each other’s lips.
“wait here for a bit, yeah?” reo tells you, and you nod, obedient.
it’s like a drug, now that he’s here, sae wants to stay and watch the show play out to the end. he watches as you store away your broom and mops and as reo walks back to his car—wait, no, fuck, he’s walking to sae’s car.
fuck fuck fuck.
reo makes sure you’re back in your bakery and out of view before he smiles at sae. “i’m very honoured that a world-class soccer player is stalking us,” reo beams at him the moment sae winds down his windows. “wanna go over there and talk to her?”
he definitely knows of your history with sae. it doesn’t bother him though, apparently. not if he’s offering sae the chance to talk to you, and alone, by the looks of it.
sae’s not really sure what he’s doing, taking reo up on his offer. he walks through the doors to your bakery and the shopkeeper’s bell rings, inciting you to spin around, expecting reo, but your eyes widen when you see sae there instead, sheepishly standing there, staring dumbly at you.
“sae,” you call his name, breathlessly. “w-what’re you doing here?”
“i… don’t know.”
he doesn’t. zero clue. fuck.
you’re not smiling, you’re apprehensive, you’re still in shock as to why itoshi sae didn’t contact you ever since you left him and why he chose now of all times to show up. there’s tears in the corners of your eyes and he knows you’re trying not to let them fall. the corners of your mouth try not to but they form a small frown.
“i just wanted to tell you…” sae trails off because he starts to remember everything.
he remembers five years old and you on the slides. he remembers your nii-chan and how he hated it. he remembers your smile and him being lovestruck and pathetic. he remembers making you happy and then making you sad, going from everything you loved to everything you grieved. he remembers all the signs he thought you didn’t give. he remembers your newly opened bakery and the heart on his first order chit. he remembers his now ex-girlfriend hating his guts and throwing your bread on the floor.
most of all, he remembers how happy you look with reo.
so sae swallows all the words he wanted to say and gives you a knowing smile. “just wanted to come by and wish you a happy marriage.”
i miss you. i still love you. i want you back. i want to be yours again. i promise i’ll love you properly this time.
he bites back all his words.
your expression turns soft and you smile at him for the first time in five years. “thanks, sae,” you tell him, holding your hand out.
sae shakes it, resisting his urge to pull you close.
“how are—”
“i have to go,” sae interjects, because he doesn’t think he can act any more normal than this. he wants to see more of you, but he forces himself to leave, and you understand anyway, you and your weak knees because as much as you’re over itoshi sae, your lover, you still miss itoshi sae, your best friend.
reo walks past him on the steps, noticing his rush. “hey, leaving already?”
sae doesn’t stop. “yeah.”
“look, y/n’s clueless but,” reo continues, raising his voice slightly as sae gets farther away. “thanks for all the support!”
sae stops short of his car, turning around to look at reo, who’s looking at you, cleaning up the last of your cash.
“what are you talking about?”
reo turns back to sae, hands in his pockets. “i wanted to thank mr rin hatoki personally so—” sae’s eyes grow wide at the mention of the name— “thank you.”
how does he even know?
“you know, she was so nervous when it first opened, thinking that nobody would buy anything,” reo tells him, and sae listens, swallowing the lump in his throat. “i wanted to be the first customer but apparently a mr rin hitoki beat me to it.”
reo sighs, noticing how sae’s eyes are now glued onto you.
“y/n’s the kindest person i’ve ever met,” reo continues, turning his back on sae. “if you want forgiveness, it’s always there for you.”
reo’s revelation and offer sticks with sae, but he shelves it in the corner of his mind. when he sees you, crescent eyes and all smiles, sae drives off.
it’s fine. knowing you’re happy is enough.
that’s a lie. it will never be enough for him, but he’ll just keep trying to convince himself. sae loves you, and he might just love you enough to let you go.
2K notes · View notes
saeist · 1 year
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you knew it yourself that things would be hard between you and sae before you entered this "relationship" with the soccer super star.
it was inevitable. he was always on the move. may it be his career, or his matches. he was always just right before your grasp.
you lay in bed with the person you call your "lover" you aren't even sure yourself if you can even call him that nor if he considers you the same
he broke the news that he was leaving again. you can't recall how many times it has already been like this. he was yours and only yours for a short while, and then he's not.
it's a viscous cycle that you have to go through. he was your solace, your safe haven, he was yours.
and you were his.
'you can't keep living like this' is a reoccurring thought to yourself. it was hard not to.
"i'm leaving tomorrow"
"i know"
"you know i can't help it, right?"
"i know"
"don't make this harder than it already is"
"i know sae, i know"
you can feel sae draw random shapes on your exposed arm with his fingertips. you can hear how loud his heart was beating. you can feel him tense up with just your touch
"i love you" you hear him murmur.
that was when you break
"you can't keep doing this to me, sae" your tone was ice cold. it scared sae. his grip on you tightens the moment you pull away from him.
"i do"
"you don't"
"i do." he was firm with his words. he uses his free hand to tip your chin towards him, forcing you to look at his teal colored eyes. the same eyes you know a little too well.
without another word, you crash your lips onto his. you kissed him with so much fervor that it took him a second to process what was going on.
to your surprise, he kissed back. with the same intensity as yours.
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itoshiexx · 6 months
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scraps
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synopsis: you give him all you have. it's time to collect the scraps before there is nothing left.
pairing: itoshi sae x gn!reader | words: 797 | warnings: established relationship, angst
notes: do u guys remember the sae drabble i told y'all about some time ago? well, my depressive ass decided to post it now. i'm sorry in advance.
masterlist
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the silence is deafening. it lingers thick and heavy in the air, nearly making you choke on nothing — or perhaps you’re choking on all the things you want to say that are stuck in your throat. you can feel your whole body trembling as the anxiety creeps further in, and you wrap your arms around yourself to try and bring some comfort. 
before, it was someone else’s arms that gave you peace, but lately, it has only been torment. 
it is why you’re standing in the living room of your shared apartment, staring at the teal eyes of itoshi sae while trying to hold back your own tears. it hurts. it hurts to look at him and remember the way he used one of your weaknesses against you in the argument you had minutes before, as if stabbing a wound that didn’t quite close properly, tearing the skin at the seams and turning it into a bigger, uglier, messier scar. 
you feel violated. 
perhaps you should have known better. maybe, if you listened to your mother, you wouldn’t have shown so much of yourself to sae, basking in a vulnerability that could only come back to bite you in the end. you gave him all the tools to hurt you where it stings most, and there was no one to blame but yourself for that. 
love made you foolish. you were tired. 
“i don’t think i can do this anymore, sae.” your voice is meek and hollow. only a shell of the person you used to be — the one that bled through its heart until all the life was drained. 
“what’s that supposed to mean?” he asks, brow arched. defensive. ready to hurt you some more in case he became slightly uncomfortable. 
you breathe. in and out. in and out. rubbing your arm with your own hand, whispering to yourself under your breath that everything was going to be alright. even if it felt like nothing but that. 
“you… you’re hurting me, sae,” you manage to say with the lump in your throat. “you have been for a while. and i try to be better, but i… i can’t do this alone. and you’re not even trying.”
the tears welled up in your lash line start to fall again, and at this point, you know it’s useless to try and stop them. you also know they are the only thing that keep you sane, even if it feels like you’re losing your mind at every breath you take. 
sae doesn’t say anything, and you actually consider that a blessing. you don’t know how much more of his venomous words you can take before it destroys you completely from the inside out. something tells you his toxin has been spreading through your body for a while, although you only started to notice recently, when the fights got worse.
how long has he been killing you?
the weight of this question is enough to spike your anxiety once again, and you dig your nails on the skin of your arms to try to detain these overwhelming feelings, squeezing your eyes shut.
you nearly jump when you feel his strong arms circling your shoulders, bringing your head to his chest. you squirm and try to fight it — fight him —, but sae is stronger and more stubborn than you could ever be, and all you can do is cry harder and blow weak punches to his torso. 
“i’m sorry,” he says. it’s not the first time. the words make your stupid heart flutter with hope, but the hurt brings you back to reality. it’s not the first time, and he has done nothing to change for the better. he never fucking listens.
“you’re so mean,” you cry, ceasing the punches due to your lack of strength. you can barely keep standing, and you’re sure that his hold is the only thing keeping you from falling. “why are you so mean to me, sae?”
he’s silent again. you keep going. “i gave you my everything. i loved you with all i had. i-i opened up to you like never before, and you… you just…”
your stomach sinks. there aren’t even words to express what you’re feeling nor what he’s doing to you — the many ways he has been destroying what you spent years trying to put back together.
you were tired. 
in a final attempt to save what’s left of you, you raise your head from his chest to look deep into his aquamarine eyes. you want him to look at yours, too. 
“sae,” your voice is nothing more than a hollow whisper. you take a deep breath, garning all the strength and courage you can.
and then, you plea for the last time:
“please, give back what’s left of my heart.”
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© 2023 itoshiexx. do not plagarise, translate, or repost any of my work on here or other sites.
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lalunanymph · 5 months
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𝐅𝐀𝐌𝐈𝐋𝐘 𝐀𝐅𝐅𝐀𝐈𝐑 - itoshi r, itoshi s
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✧˚ · . a tornado meeting a hurricane, a wild flame catching onto dry straw—that was how it felt like to love the both of them: disastrous.
✧˚ · . love triangles, heavy tones of ch[e]ating, mentions of alc[o]hol, mentions of food, s[m]ut, injuries, ph[o]ne seggs (w. sae), all characters are aged up, 10k+ words because im sick like that
✧˚ · . she’s finally back and ready to make everyone sob again
masterlist | playlist
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#3 — HABITS OF OUR HEART
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Sae frowned at his phone, unsure of what to make of your radio silence. 
It was unlike you to ever leave him high and dry. Usually, he could count on your sweet messages to sustain him throughout the day with the promise of hearing your voice at night to top off another hectic training session. The picture of you smiling on his wallpaper teased him with the yearning for home, and he thought it wouldn't hurt to give you a call to see how you were doing. 
The prolonged dial tone upped his worries, and he was close to caving in and asking Rin to check up on you (again) when you answered the call in a scratchy voice. 
“Baby?” 
Sae felt like all the air in his lungs had returned to him. “Y/N?” Unused to being this vulnerable in front of someone, his tone took a defensive turn. “Why haven’t you been texting me back lately? Is something the matter? Did I…” He hesitated, a sudden lump in his throat obstructing his next accusation. Instead, it made him whisper the next part, suddenly afraid that he had done something to push you away. “Did I make you angry?” 
Your reassurance was immediate. “Wh—no! No, Sae. We’re fine, promise. I’m just super busy at work now and putting in more hours so I can take a long leave and spend it with you.”
The steel band constricting his thoughts and breath into one tight, tense knot, eased. “Oh. Then why didn’t you tell me?” 
He hated how whiny he sounded; this wasn’t like him at all. But, you had some strange hold over him to make a self-assured famous footballer lose his footing and grovel for your attention. 
How strange. 
Sae hated this new development with every fibre of his being, but he couldn’t stay away. Your soft laugh was the sweetest balm to his bruised ego, and your avoidance did not hurt as much anymore when you cooed and asked him if he was eating well.
“I miss you s’much, Sae,” you mumbled, and he could hear minute rustling in the background, like you were laying back on your bed. The mental image of you spread out for him, pussy wet and waiting, a hazy smile playing on the corners of your lips like it always did when he was about to claim you as his again, made his cock throb. 
“Miss you, too, baby.” He padded towards the hotel room window, staring out at the traffic below. The man staring back from his reflection was more worn out than he expected, the circles under his eyes almost carved into his skin. He scrubbed one hand down his face, feeling homesick and world-weary at the same time. “Can I video-call you? Haven’t seen you in a bit.”
You didn’t miss a beat. “Sure.” 
Ending the call, he swiped at the vibrating notification which pulled up a soothing image of your smile from a thousand miles away, your eyes filling with concern when they raked up and down his weathered face. “Baby, have you been sleeping well?” 
He could barely focus on your words. His guess was right; you were laying in bed, wearing one of his old jerseys. The well-worn cotton settled perfectly on your curves and he could plainly imagine his name embossed across your back. It made all his blood and rationale run down south. Without another second of hesitation, he sat down on one of the plush hotel sofa chairs, tugging down the band of his sweatpants and grasped the pulsing base of his cock. His usually apathetic gaze was alight with an unnamed emotion, and he sensed you were waiting for a reply. 
“I will be when you’re here with me.” Fuck—what sappy, corny shit. But, Sae was starting to realise that a man at the mercy of pleasure would say anything and everything in the heat of the moment. Your half-lidded, sleepy eyes sparked with life when you heard a wet squelch. 
“Sae… baby, are you touching yourself?” 
Might as well show you since the cat was out of the bag. 
Switching from the front camera to the back one, the dual screens showed your parted lips and slowly warming cheeks while the bigger display showcased his leaking cock firmly in his fist. 
“Oh.” 
He noticed you biting your lip, and your camera switched to a front view of his jersey inching up the expanse of your bare thighs. Sae’s breath hitched when your naked pussy came into view, the teasing dark triangle between your legs hinting of your warm walls which he missed with every beat of his homesick heart. 
“Fuck, Y/N.” He started stroking himself the same moment you parted your thighs, skimming your shaky fingers down the rise of your hip bone to sweep through your seam and gather the unmistakable wetness there. Sae choked back on a moan when you focused the camera on those same fingers playing with your viscous, honey-like arousal, before plunging them back into your gaping hole and slowly fucking yourself with them.
“Sae…” 
Both your calls were silent enough to pick up on each other’s heavy breathing. It felt like months since he had your sweet pussy, and he halfway wished he was closer to home; closer to you. He missed the achingly intoxicating scent of vanilla which always seemed to emanate from the beloved crook of your neck. He yearned for your touch, your kisses, your smiles—they always managed to brighten up his day no matter how shitty it was. 
“Look at you,” he groaned. Luckily, the camera was not focused on his face—Sae was self-conscious like that. He rarely made love to you during the day time, preferring to keep his vulnerability and heart bare for you when night fell. He was determined to never let the world see this side of him where such sensitivity was reserved for your viewing pleasure only. “So fuckin’ sexy… you drive me crazy.” 
His half-mast gaze was caught on how shiny and slippery your fingers were; how you rubbed your clit and fucked yourself with three fingers until your hips started to buck.
“Nghh—Sae!” 
“That’s right,” his voice was rougher, edged with lust. “Say my name, baby. Who does that pussy belong to?” 
“Y-you,” the sharp gasp coming from his headphones almost had him spilling into his fist. “B-belongs to you, Sae.” 
He grunted, head tossed back and face shining with sweat. “Damn right—f-fuck… m’gonna cum, baby… cum with me.” 
It was not a request but an order. You had no choice but to comply if you wanted to show him the true depth of your devotion. 
An almost cruel smirk overtook his usual placid features, and he wished he was there with you to pace you through your release. Even through the small display, he could savour the visual of your back arching, your hips circling in a desperate plea to be consumed by this twinflame of burning desire you both held for one another. Sae felt his balls tightening and he bit on his lower lip to stifle a moan, streaks of white painting his palm.
“Oh, god… Sae… m’wanna lick you all up, baby.” 
In the haze of his orgasm, the impact of your words managed to strike him hard, and he halfway wished the same; that you were here, on your knees, mouth open and ready to clean up his mess. He would give you the sloppiest kiss once you did, and maybe he might even run you a bath afterwards to soothe your tense muscles.
“Mmm, tryna make me come home earlier, baby?” 
His teasing was met with silence on your end, and Sae shook off some of the lingering fugue to check if his phone had accidentally froze. 
“I don’t wanna come in between you and work, Sae.” Your mumble of discontent made him frown, and he switched his camera back to his flushed cheeks and thinned mouth. You did the same, and he could tell something was wrong because your eyes were filled with a glossy sheen of tears, and you couldn’t look at him through the screen. 
“What do you mean by that?” He didn’t intend his words to come out harshly, but Sae has always been a blunt man. He couldn’t trade a lifetime of caustic tendencies to suddenly be thoughtful and nice, though he wished in this instance, he damn well could. 
If anything, it would lighten the stormy clouds settling in your usually clear eyes; soothe the ache in your soul which missed him as much as he missed you. 
“I just… come back home when you want, Sae, and not when you think I need you.” 
A flash of hurt struck his chest, though his expression remained impassive. Despite how you had the best of intentions, he couldn’t help but be numb to your kindness and focused instead on the glaring insinuation. 
“You don’t want me to come back?” 
You blinked and your expression turned horrified. “N-no! Sae, that’s not what I meant, I—” you broke off with a tired sigh, and rubbed your temples with your clean fingers. “I just… I do miss you. But, please, focus on your work first. I’ll always be here, yeah? Come back when you need to, okay? I’m here waiting.”
Though your words made him feel marginally better, it soured some of the tenderness he wished he could savour during this afterglow. 
“Right,” he said curtly, and it wasn’t fair to you, but he started to shut down. “I’ll let you know when that is.” 
A beat of silence passed when the both of you said nothing at all. Sae suddenly felt like a neon sign was hovering over him, pulsing the words lukewarm loser lukewarm loser in his direction. A coil of anger curled heavily in his belly, making him feel slightly sick. 
“Look, if you’re not gonna—”
“I love you, Sae,” you cut through whatever harsh bullshit he was poised to spill. Your declaration took him off guard, and he clamped his mouth shut. It was a wise decision, because your smile was touched by the heavens themselves, a gentle glow about you that he did not deserve when you beamed at him through the screen. “Go make us proud. Make your country proud, baby. We’re rooting for you.”
Sae wished he hadn’t spoken too soon and acted out. He felt like the world’s biggest fool, especially when you harboured no ill-will and was just reminding him to put his goals first during this career-defining season. In this sense, he had to thank you for setting his course straight again. 
“I’ll score all my goals for you, angel,” he promised. “Each and everyone of ‘em will be in your name. I hope you know that.” 
Your smile widened. “I do, baby. I’m so proud of you. Go get them, baby.” 
He chuckled, the gesture foreign but welcomed. After all, you were one of the only few people in the world he was comfortable enough to let his guard down and laugh in front of. 
“I will. Sleep tight, Y/N. I… love you, baby.”
Another first in this relationship. 
Sae was infamous for whispering his love confessions into your skin after a bout of sex, but never in broad daylight. This sudden shift would’ve scared him shitless if your gentle beam did not turn into a bright grin. 
“I love you, too, baby.”
He let you end the call first, feeling happy for the first time in days. 
Buoyed by this gentle emotion, he searched through some local florist shops, buying the biggest, flashiest bouquet to be delivered to your apartment the first thing tomorrow evening, in the hopes that this tiny gesture would at least show the magnitude of his love for you. 
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Rin couldn’t help but find himself back in front of your door. 
Like siren-song, the call of your presence beckoned him to the deepest edge of the sea where an unmistakable drop loomed, marking his impending demise. But, everytime he raised his fist to knock, he chickened out, rushing back to his car with his hoodie pulled over his head and teal eyes downcast. 
He knew he was growing obsessed with the thought of you; felt it deep in his bones like the icky, hot humiliation of staring at Sae’s trophy collection while his bruised ego festered inside, a raging monster waiting to be unleashed. He supposed this is what defeat tasted like—not like he hadn’t experienced a healthy dose of it already in his short lifetime. The mounting frustration felt familiar in the back of his throat, like a scream building and building until it was unleashed in a loud cry.
This same feeling reminded him of using his brother’s achievements to push himself beyond his limits. 
And you… 
You fit in like a missing puzzle; the crucial piece he needed as enough proof that he was better than Sae. A stronger player, man and lover than he ever would be. 
Rin wiped the sweat from his brow, channelling his inner frustrations into dribbling, training on his own away from prying eyes. He was caught up in his misery that he didn’t sense a figure making her way towards him. 
You took in how exhausted Rin looked, the bento box in your hands tightening. 
It was a peace offering; the first initiative on your end to smoothe over the rough patch of how you both began and hopefully be able to salvage what was left of his respect for you. The smell of roses lingered on your body, in your hair, the reminder of Sae’s bouquet leaving a stab of regret lodging deep underneath your rib cage where your heartbeat thumped erratically. 
Through his keen senses, Rin noticed someone approaching, and when his eyes landed on you, you swore they softened before regaining lucidity and becoming detached once more.
“What are you doing here?” 
Gesturing to the tiny, yellow container in your hand, you smiled sheepishly. “I… wanted to apologise for what happened a few days ago.” 
The field was empty save for the both of you, most of the players having gone home after hitting the showers. Rin was often one of the last to leave, and Ego had grown tired enough of his unparalleled dedication (read: obsession) and given him the keys to lock up the space in his own time. 
“How did you know I was here?” 
Shifting your weight from one foot to another, you were acutely aware of his deep frown. Suddenly, you felt too hot under the collar, embarrassment scrawled across your features when you lowered your eyes and your shoulders dropped. “I asked around for you. Said your mom passed me your dinner and they let me in.” 
Rin scrutinised you from head to toe, not saying a word. The silence stretched on, and you were halfway cajoling yourself to leave when he stepped forward. 
Yes, you were pretty sure Rin’s towering physique registered in your mind, but you never gave yourself time to really absorb how tall he was. A good head and half above you, Rin bore down easily on you, the heat emanating from his broader frame making you dizzy. The smell of freshly cut grass and musk radiated through his sweaty pores, and you felt the irrational need to take one step closer and bury your face into his chest. 
Instead, you reeled in the disastrous thought and pushed the bento box into his hand, ignoring his confused stare. 
“I should get going… you need to rest and recharge so I won’t disturb,” you mumbled hastily, unable to take another second of this aching tension. Your mind swirled with a thousand and one thoughts at the same time, and they all came crashing down when he reached for you, his touch gentle around your wrist. 
“Rin—”
There were no words to elucidate how comforting his embrace was around you, or how it felt like falling into the softest mattress after a hard day at work. Your squeak was muffled by his lips on yours, rough fingers tilting your head back to kiss you while his other arm was around your waist. You were growing dizzy from the lack of oxygen and the feel of his soft, slightly chapped lips on yours. 
Before you could dissolve into a puddle on these artificial fields, he released you, holding you close to his chest, every rise and fall of his breathing melting warmth into your back. 
Twining your fingers with his above your waist, you rubbed your thumb across his knuckles, memorising the smooth skin which was a stunning contrast from his calloused fingers and scarred palms. Rin let you hold his hand, quietly marvelling at how much bigger the flat of his palm was in comparison to yours. Long, slender fingers like a pianist encased your own smaller ones in a loose hold, and you both let the tender silence fall wherever it may. 
“I can’t choose,” you whispered after a moment of words unsaid. 
Rin stared at the curve of your shoulder, hidden by the loose cotton blouse you wore. He ached to push it aside, to press his lips right onto the warm skin which held the power to make him lose his mind. This close, he could smell the intoxicating vanilla coming from the crook of your neck, breathing in the smell of baby powder wafting from your hair. 
“I’m sorry, Rin. I can’t choose between you and him.” Closing your eyes, he felt more than heard you stifle a sob. “I love you, too. I hope you know that.” 
“But, you love him?” His voice was flat and emotionless. Thankfully, your back was turned so you couldn’t notice his brimming eyes. “Why is it so hard to choose?” 
“I don’t know,” you mumbled almost inaudibly. The wind picked up, its frigidity making goosebumps erupt on your arms. “I wish I could choose you, but it’s not that simple.”
“Why not?” he started to argue, releasing his grip on your hand and taking a step back. The inches between you both felt like an ocean separating you two, and no matter how much he wished for there to be nothing standing in the way, somehow his brother would always be the biggest obstacle to any goal he wished to attain in this life. 
Including your love. 
“S’not like you both are married,” his voice sounded hollow even to his own ears. “Don’t you love me?” 
Your breathing hitched, and you finally turned around to face him. He wished you didn’t. The tears glossing your eyes was enough to break his heart, and he wished with all his might that you would see reason; come to your senses and choose the better brother. 
But, all you did was shake your head, dislodging a single tear trickling down your cheek. He watched it make a silvery path from your jaw to your neck, his tongue itching to retrace its track. 
“I do, Rin. But, god… I don’t know you. I don’t know you but I’m so attracted to you and I can’t stop thinking about you. Sae… he called me the other day and we had phone sex, but after it was all done, all I could think about was you. You drive me crazy, and—” your voice started to break, lower lip wobbling. “I know you think I’m disgusting. A cheater. But, Sae needs me. We’ve always needed each other and I’m afraid that if I let him go, I’ll be throwing a part of me away.” 
Dropping your head, you exhaled a laugh that sounded on the verge of a sob. “Maybe it’s best if I never knew you. Or him. I think it would be easier on the three of us.” 
Rin listened as you unburdened those heavy emotions to him without a single word. When you finished, he turned his head to the side, jaw tight with fury and heartbreak.
“Fine,” he mumbled. “You’ll get your wish.” Pushing the bento box back into your hands and ignoring your small gasp of hurt, he strode away. “Let’s pretend like we never knew each other, if that makes it easier for you.”
“Rin—!” 
He quickened his pace and you tried to catch up to him. “Rin, wait!” But, he would always outrun you, and when he got to the doors, he heard your cry of his name turn into a shriek of pain. 
Turning around, his eyes widened at your hunched figure on the ground, holding onto your ankle. The bento box you carried had slipped from your grasp, grains of rice and meat scattered in a heap on the ground. 
“Ow,” you moaned, hissing in pain. “Ow. Shit… shit…”
He was back by your side immediately. Barely giving you time to think, he slid one arm underneath your knees, and another under your arms to lift you from the ground. The sudden position released the pressure off your ankle, and he didn’t need a certificate in sports medicine to know you had strained the muscle. 
“Lukewarm loser,” he muttered under his breath. “Such a huge, fucking pain.” 
You kissed your teeth and continued moaning softly, arms wound tightly around his neck. Rin sat you down on the bleachers and went into a backroom, returning a minute later with a first aid kit. Mimicking the movements you did a week ago when you first tended to his sprained oblique, he sprayed a cold mist over the injury, picking up a bandage to wrap around the torn muscle. 
“Stay still,” he warned, forming a tight tourniquet around the injury, straightening your foot to set the muscles right. Your gritted teeth and muffled wails would’ve made him mock you in return for breaking his heart, but Rin kept his lips tightly shut and focused on bandaging you up. 
You could barely walk when he was done, and in a fit of exasperation, he carried you to his car, setting you in the front seat. 
“Rin,” you mumbled pathetically, eyes shining and lower lip wobbling. “W-where are you taking me?” 
“My place,” he muttered curtly. “Unless you have someone to watch over you 24/7 while that stupid ankle of yours heals?”
Shamefully, you shook your head. Your family was in another prefecture, and your social circle was limited to clients and few fair-weather friends you saw once a month. There was no one to take care of you besides this brooding, dark-haired striker who looked like he would rather wade through molasses than do this. But, despite his disquietude, Rin took this newfound responsibility in stride. 
He brought you to his apartment, letting you lean against him as you took one mincing step after another. 
The fact that you could still walk, albeit hesitantly, was a good sign. Your injury would take a few days to heal, tops. 
Rin guided you to the sofa, and you sat with a huff. Taking off his jacket, he disappeared into the kitchen, and reemerged a second later with a bottle of isotonic drink. You took it with a nod of thanks and popped the cap off, drinking deeply. 
“What about your work? Can you move around with a busted ankle?” 
You slid your gaze to the tightly wrapped bandage and shook your head. “I don’t think I can. I’ll just let my assistant handle it for me while I take a few days off.” 
He exhaled, settling back on the end of the couch, putting some much needed distance between you two. 
“I don’t know if Sae would find out—”
“I don’t want him to find out—”
The both of you fell silent, each other’s trampling words on the same topic drawing a quiet consternation. Rin started again. 
“I think you should tell him you’re staying with a friend while your ankle heals.” 
“What if he insists on video calling me?” Your tense question was met with furrowed brows. Rin’s answer took you by surprise.
“And, what? Recognise my penthouse? Sae hasn’t visited me… not even once.” 
At the reminder of how starkly broken their relationship was, you fell mute. Rin salvaged the silence by sighing. “In any case, he wouldn’t know… or, care.” His lips were flattened into a tight line. “Sae’s a lot of things, but considerate and kind was never on his list.” 
“What happened between the both of you?” The question you had harboured for close to a week spilled over in a bursting bubble, detonating the tail end of his statement like a punch in the gut. You glanced at him and found a dark look settling over Rin’s face like a cloud, his already tight jaw ticking. 
When you first started dating Sae, it took him weeks to open up to you about his family and past life in Japan. The both of you met during one of your tours in Spain and you were called upon by the Madrid team to tend to one of their mid-fielder’s recurring injuries. Your impression of Sae when you met him for the first time was that he reminded you of a piece of paper.
His blank expression and dull eyes cracked a smile from you, and though you were the perfect picture of professional friendliness, you barely left a mark on the famed Japanese prodigy’s composure. 
At least, you thought you didn’t. 
A week later, he bumped into you at a nearby coffee shop and asked you out without a beat of hesitation. You were completely caught by surprise that you said ‘yes’ without thinking it through, and two days later, you were sat opposite a quiet, taciturn Itoshi Sae who mostly listened while you spoke and asked one liner questions to keep the conversation going.
One date turned to two, then three and soon, you were pressed flush to his bed, sweaty and sore from his rough handling. In the quiet afterglow, he started crumpling; the first crinkle appearing on his otherwise pristine surface. Behind this impassive man was a world of secrets written in indelible ink that you were slowly unwrapping day by day. 
Rin, however, reminded you of still waters that ran deeper than any ocean in the world. 
Collected on the outside, one wrong foot would leave anyone plunging to an icy death within his intense grip. He held an admirable composure which rippled occasionally when you disturbed his surface, but his state of detached calm would return a second later, barely fazed. 
It made you want to dip your toes deeper, try to find what made those murky waters eventually give way to a calm stream worthy of an oasis.  
Rin’s silence had no end, and you couldn’t tell if he had heard you in the first place. 
“I don’t want to talk about it,” he muttered churlishly and stood up. 
“Oh,” you quickly nodded. “I’m sorry for encroaching. I won’t do it again if it makes you feel uncomfortable.” 
He had a funny way of showing his appreciation for you respecting his boundaries. Rin blinked owlishly, his long lashes casting shadows on his cheekbones. While Sae’s lashes had a hint of reddish brown to them, Rin’s was darker and lusher, framing his pretty teal eyes perfectly. 
It made you want to drown in those aquamarine pools; give yourself up to his seductive currents.
Would that be a better choice? 
You swallowed and glanced at the beads of condensation running down the plastic bottle in your tight grip. 
Would it make everyone happy if I chose him? 
He chased those heavy thoughts by scooting closer to you. The smell of sweat and vitality stung your nostrils, but you didn’t pay it any mind, tilting your head up towards him to drink in his unfairly pretty features. His dark green bangs flopped in his face, touching his cheeks as you gently pushed them aside. Rin closed his eyes tightly, releasing a tired sigh.
“Do you mean it? Do you love me?” 
Your whisper ignited his curiosity, and he fluttered his eyes open to find you gazing at him with uncertainty lining your features. You bit on your bottom lip when he took awhile to answer, riddled with fear at baring yourself with such vulnerability to a man who you didn’t even know you could trust. 
As you mulled over such a foolish impulse, Rin took this moment to rake his gaze right to your lips. Barely a few seconds into your spiralling dismay, you flicked your lids open to find him moving closer, his lips on yours silencing your sudden squeak of fear. 
This time, Rin’s kiss moulded an answer he could not give to you outright. It would be too traitorous to think of uttering it; to make himself form those words which would seal the deal. 
Catching your face in his large palm, his warmth bled into your cheek, aided by the plush balminess of his lips and the taste of him on your tongue. Tenderness could not begin to describe how Itoshi Rin was treating you—like you were made of glass and precious secrets he did not want to spill towards any undeserving ear. 
The capped isotonic bottle fell to the floor, making a ‘glug’ sound when it rolled underneath his expensive couch. Rin guided you onto your back, laying you flat on the plush surface and raking his heated stare down the dip of your bare collarbones and towards the hem of your pretty blouse riding up to expose your soft belly. 
His arousal and common sense flooded south, and he couldn’t wait to roam his hands down your sides, memorising the feel of your breath expanding through your entire body, reaching for your hips and squeezing—
“Ow—Rin!” 
He quickly jerked away like he was scalded with hot water, your teary eyes and tight grip on your wounded ankle slamming him back to reality. You curled onto yourself, riding out this wave of agony while his hands fluttered about uselessly, trying to decipher what he did wrong. 
“Knee,” you managed to wheeze out through your gritted teeth. “Your knee—oww—pressed onto my calf.” 
“Sorry,” he mumbled, easing you up into his lap to take pressure off your sore leg. “The muscle spasms must’ve reached that region.” Frowning to himself, he slid you back to the couch and lumbered into his kitchen, emerging with a packet of ice. 
Before you had a chance to protest, he lifted your injured foot and placed it on his lap, pressing the ice pack into your skin. The air filled with sounds of both your steady breathing, and you swore it chased the loneliness away and numbed you to the pain. His presence was a mark upon your soul, steadily growing deeper, and you feared to open yourself towards such reliance. 
His touch was growing familiar day by day, and you were growing susceptible to it. Even the barest brush of his thumb on your ankle bone could make you shiver. Everything about Rin drew you to a crashing stop, configuring your inner compass to point in his direction and away from the true destination you were meant to head towards. 
“You’re staring at me.” 
“You’re hard not to stare at.” 
His frown was back. “Stop that.” 
“Stop what?” 
You pressed your hand to his, feeling both the cold and unbearable warmth seep into your skin. 
Rin gave you a withering glare. “This. Stop this.” He grasped your hand and peeled it off his own, setting it down while he continued to ice your sprained muscle. 
“I thought you loved me.” 
A shadow of a smile curved on the edges of his lips. “I didn’t say it outright.” 
“Doesn’t have to be said,” you retorted, tongue-in-cheek, and he couldn’t help but smile. You found comfort in his expression, reaching out to brush the tips of your fingers across his chin. “Thank you. For this.” 
He shook his head, unable to meet your eyes. “It’s nothing.”
Rin was wrong. It meant everything to you.
Everything and more which you could never say out loud if you were to be honest with yourself for once. 
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Days stretched on, and your injury started to heal. 
The pulled muscle grew stronger in tandem with your fondness for Rin, brokenness healing into whole vitality to birth something new and beautiful. 
He let you crash in his guest bedroom, made sure to stock up on ready-made food which you could easily heat up, and returned home everyday at 5 on the dot to help you stand shakily on your own two feet. It was a kindness you did not deserve, and you appreciated every drop of it. 
On the third day, Sae called you up, and you answered him with a meek voice, stating you had suffered an injury and was recovering at a friend’s place. He didn’t push you for more details, and you didn’t offer any. 
It was a perfunctory call at best, and an obligation at worst. 
Your days with Rin grew into a wonderful melange of understanding and kindness. He was a solid presence you could rely on for help when you needed a taller figure to reach for a spare bowl in the cupboard above. His wry sense of speaking evolved into a humour you appreciated, especially when he deadpanned an insult aimed at his unsuspecting teammates. His house started to feel more like a home, despite how you had to chastise yourself from going down that treacherous path.
After all, there was no better addiction than the insanity of falling in love with someone you could never have. 
Thoughts of him fueled you during the day when you stretched your muscles, used his expensive bath soap which lathered perfectly on your skin as you imagined it was his larger palms running the suds in between your breasts, down the valley of your soft belly and between the crevices of your legs. Perfumed with the scent of him, you were charmed like a maiden in love. 
When night came, you satiated yourself in his presence by watching him put on a horror movie for you both to enjoy, and sometimes, you found him nodding off to sleep at the opposite end of the couch, knocked out after a day of hard training. You would reach for a blanket and tuck it over his broader frame, peck his forehead and stumble back to your room. It amused you to no end how he could be out like a light while jump scares and screams reverberated in the background. 
His quirks were endearing as they were infuriating. 
One night, while watching a Junji Ito film, you felt Rin shift from behind you. 
Amidst gory screams and blood exploding, he touched your ankle, rubbing underneath the hard bone with mindful circles using his thumb. His breath fanned warmly across your neck, and he noticed how eclectically perfect the movie lights played out across your features. You were absorbed in this retelling, rapturous in your attention that he felt almost bad for shaking you out of it. 
His touch around your waist was hesitant, and he kept tabs on your reaction. You shifted slightly, an adorable scrunch between your brow. He wanted nothing more than to smooth the crinkle of consternation with the tip of his thumb, amused at how fully absorbed you were by one of his favourite horror movies. 
He trailed his nose across your jaw, using the corners of his mouth to kiss your chin. You batted him away with a low whine, “Rin, m’tryna watch.”
Laughing inwardly, his touch idled around your waist, spreading heat on your soft skin. Rin didn’t give himself time to think—to really gauge his true intentions when he tries to distract you. It’s a little game he wanted to play, to see how long you could hold up to his teasing. 
Lithe fingers dance down your belly, plucking at the waistband of your shorts while his other hand cautiously inched up your rib cage. There was a hitch in your breath when he slipped two fingers past the stretchy elastic of his old boxers clad around your waist, as if he were testing the waters of your consent.
But, your eyes never left the screen.
Emboldened, Rin stuck his lower lip between his teeth, growing heady on the thought of your submission on his tongue to taste. He lifted up the hem of your shirt, forgetting that you hadn’t worn a bra to sleep. You’re clad in one of his ancient jerseys which he passed to you in a fit of realisation that you had no clothes to spare when you both made the impromptu decision that you should bunk over at his place for the time being.
Such shortsightedness proved as a win when your nipples puckered from the cool air. 
His preoccupied hand down your shorts found the seam of your clit and he reeled in a curse when he felt the slipperiness of your arousal coating the roughened pads of his index and middle finger. Rin fought back a groan when you bucked your hips up, implicitly asking him for more. Both of your eyes were glued onto the screen, and Rin knew this entire sequence by heart.
He waited for the right moment when the music swelled and the heroine rounded the corner, the shadowy figure above head fully materialising behind her heaving back. You looked terrified, though you didn’t hide your face behind your palms like he expected you would do. Truly, you were braver than he gave you credit for. On screen, the actress sensed movement, and her expression melted into one of genuine terror.
Violin strings broke over in a gasping crescendo when she turned around, finally face to face with the demon who had inhabited her daughter’s body—a faceless entity with a gaping mouth. 
Rin slipped his fingers into your tight heat the same moment the big reveal happened and your reaction was instantaneous. A loud yelp ripped past your gasping mouth, and your back arched higher for him to do as he pleased. Which was a lot considering the filthy thoughts swirling in his mind—the positions he wanted to bend you in and take you till you were a sweaty, shaking mess.
He curled his fingers, languidly pumping them in and out of your slick cunt. Your breathing grew shallower, whinier, and you shifted to trap his hands between your thighs, doe-eyes flitting upwards to his own impassive ones.
“Rin—mhmp.”
Slender, callous fingers slotted past your mouth to pin your tongue down. His crisp command was clear. “Suck.” 
You did as he asked with docile perfection, looking far too precious and innocent for a woman who was gagging lightly around his fingers and undulating her hips in tight circles of pleasure. Rin’s expression remained impassive, but you could tell he was enjoying a taste of your submission from the stiffness poking your lower back. 
He pressed his fingers deeper down your soft gullet, and you gurgled, bubbles of drool forming in the corners of your mouth. You moaned pitchily when he slipped another finger inside of you to stretch you out, scissoring them to reach your innermost spots. With your eyes rolling back into your head and your mouth stuffed full with his thick digits, you felt the coil of heat in your lower belly tightening deliciously. 
Rin was starting to breathe heavier, his teal eyes melting into your wide gaze. The kiss he feathered onto your forehead was starkly different in comparison to the almost rough way he was finger-fucking you. His duality would never cease to leave you lightheaded from the joyous whiplash. One second, he could be the most puppy-like man who nipped at your feet and would follow you to the ends of the world, and in the next, he would be fucking up into you like a wild beast unleashed from years of repression. 
But, through it all, your heart never stopped singing his name. 
You never stopped loving him for even one second. 
“Rin,” you choked, tears clouding your eyes when the pleasure started reaching a point of agony. One hand was wrapped around his wrist to anchor your burgeoning dizziness, and the other curled up in a fist by your side, knuckles stretched thinly over your remaining grip on reality. 
The actress on screen had been killed off by the vengeful spirit and a seance was taking place, though neither of you noticed. All he did was click his tongue, and nodded towards the neglected movie rolling in the background. “Lower the volume—wanna hear your moans.” 
His both hands were preoccupied, so it fell onto you to stretch for the remote and bring the volume bar down. Screams, dramatic strings and outlandish humming were reduced to background noise, your scratchy moans and heavy breathing at the forefront of this auditory fest he wanted to indulge in. 
Rin dragged you closer to his chest, propping in between his two muscular thighs. Stuttering breaths caught and strained through his equally defined torso, and his entire body radiated enough heat to make you break a sweat. 
Prying his sodden fingers from your mouth, Rin resisted the urge to clasp his hand around your neck possessively when you whined and chased after them again, suckling on the calloused tips like how he imagined you would pleasure his cock. The flash of your pink tongue licking and running up and down his thick digits, peeking between the crevices where you deep-throated them with a hunger he never expected, made him realise heaven was real.
It was in the form of your warm mouth suckling him right to his knuckle while your tongue danced along the ridges of nimble fingertips and roughened skin. 
“Slut,” he rasped, fully removing his fingers and clamping them around your neck instead. 
You whined and jerked your hips up, begging him to give you something to put in your mouth as his movements below increased in their pacing. Rin was merciless when he fingered you, quickly memorising your weak spots and fully exploiting them to emerge as the ultimate puppeteer of your body. He knew the spongy spot just below your navel which made your hips twitch up like a nervous tick without fail. He knew you liked to have your clit played as he curled his fingers inside of you. His other free hand reached for your breasts, twisting and plucking your tight nipple till you keened and bowed your head back, enjoying both stimulation with a greedy desperation. 
Touch yourself for me, the memory of your spread legs atop his luxurious blue silk bed sheets and his heated teal eyes latched onto your gaping cunt nearly made you cum right there and then. Show me how you pleasure yourself so I can learn. 
And what a fast learner he was. 
“R-Rin, m’gonna—”
In a flash, his fingers squelched out of your cunt. 
Your cry was part indignation and disappointment. Placating you, Rin stuck his fingers back down your throat for you to clean up. Obediently, you lapped at the salty-sweet stickiness with half-mast eyes, your pussy sucking his other pair of fingers in deeper. Fuck, he almost groaned out loud. I need to have her. 
Rin could barely wait to pry his fingers out of your mouth and perfect cunt to position you on his lap. Perched prettily with hazy eyes and a swollen mouth, his cock ached to be buried in you. Soft pants fell from your parted lips, and you buried your fingers in his hair needily, rocking your core over his leaking bulge. 
“Need more,” your desperate whine made him almost feral with desire. “Need you, Rin-Rin.” 
That nickname falling like a sweet drop of dew from your honeyed lips snapped his patience. Pushing down his pants, his cock sprung out, slapping his lower belly and smearing a bit of pre on the toned muscle. He ripped the old jersey off from your frame, uncaring that you cried out in pain when the hem caught and tugged on your earring. All he did was pinch and lick your nipples into stiffness as you struggled to untangle the fabric from the caught hook. 
Once the knotted thread was free from the sterling hook, he urgently tossed his jersey aside, focused on your shorts now. He pitched his head forward to rub his burning cheeks in between your breasts, mouthing and licking the plush flesh while he kneaded your ass eagerly. You lifted his face from the refuge of your body to smash your mouth sloppily onto his, and in the background, the credits rolled, a slow, sombre tune which lended a touch of melancholy to this heated scene. 
Ripping the worn out shorts off your frame, he laid your bare body flush against his. The press of both your weights on his tailbone made it hurt, but it was worth the pinch of discomfort when you lifted your hips and gently grasped the base of his drooling dick. Giving it a few pumps, Rin’s loud gritted teeth and flushed cheeks spoke volumes of his tethering patience. 
He was close to snapping at you to push him inside of you when you grasped the leaking head and gently nudged it past the tight, maddening muscle. No matter how many times you let him in, it still felt like the first time. 
Despite the stretch, his girth and the sting it took for you to take him fully, you always did it like a champ without complaint. You would always, without fail, kiss him when he bottomed out inside of you—a soft peck of your lips on his that ignited his flame of obsession for you even more. 
The way how your warmth melted around him like a velvet popsicle could’ve filled his chest with all the happiness in the world. Your strained moan, like you were pushing your ample desire past a sieve, would fill him with burning pride at being yours.
Because as much as you belonged to him, he belonged to you, too. 
Those thoughts barely made a dent on his composure; what did was the sight of your pussy wrapped almost lovingly around his cock, the slick flesh sliding up and down his thick length, leaving rings of white from base to tip. 
“Fuck, baby,” he cussed, grabbing onto your hips, mesmerised by the sight unfolding before him. “S’fucking good slut… so wet f’me…”
You took his praise in stride, letting it fuel you to please him even more. Pressing your palms flush on his shoulders, you used the strength of your thighs to pump, swivel and buck your hips—riding his cock with a passion he had never seen a woman possess. It blew his mind, leaving him gaping, groaning and woozily locking eyes with you. 
Rin’s fleeting kiss on your forehead was done in an unsteady motion, and his grip tightened on your body till you swore he would leave bruises behind. His breath was hot on your chin, and his tongue was back in your mouth, desperately tangling with your own tongue. 
One large hand slid from your hip to between your legs, his thumb finding purchase on your slick clit, rubbing tight circles to stimulate you on both ends. You tightened your grip in his hair, and undulated your hips in quicker circles, breath coming out in laboured pants. 
Rin ducked his head to take one hard nipple in his mouth, suckling on the throbbing flesh and tonguing it until it went completely hard enough to cut diamonds. He pulled back slightly, strings of spit connecting his mouth to the heaving flesh, and he kissed around your areola, smearing saliva and his devotion across your skin. 
You squeezed down on him the same moment he took your tight bud back into his mouth, happily licking and sucking it like it was his favourite candy. 
Not many words were shared between you two, but it wasn’t necessary; the whispers of your body and heavenly sounds of ecstatic moans and grunts were enough to transcend the boundaries of speech. The sloppiness of your sexes connecting was loud in the quiet, filling his home with the stinging scent of sweat, musk and wild desire. 
The sight of your tits jiggling in his face, your hips stuttering and pussy dripping around his pulsing length nearly triggered Rin’s release. But, he held back by picturing gory murder and disembowelment scenes, breath growing heady and heavier. 
Your own breathing was becoming stuttered, and electrifying his ego to great heights. He was close to breaking his own rule to never mark up a woman that wasn’t his, when his control dissipated and his lips were latched around your pulse point. The hot seal of his mouth on such a delicate stretch of skin made you throb all over, and you didn’t push him away, tilting your head back to receive him even if it would leave a mark—letting him do whatever he wanted to you. 
“Fuck,” he moaned in between desperate suckles. Hot open-mouthed kisses fell intermittently like a summer drizzle on your collarbones and shoulders, but his lips would always return to that same spot which was starting to burn from his branding. 
You whined and arched your back, turning around to glimpse both of your figures on the darkened TV screen. The stretch of his cock prying you open was magnificent, nearly making you cry out with euphoria. His muscular, thick thighs on either side of you were trembling, and the sight of his big hands on the delicate curve of your spine made you think the unholiest thoughts when it came to staking your claim on Itoshi Rin.
Returning the favour of his mark on your neck, you pressed your lips to the spot underneath his right ear, sucking the sensitive skin there in between sloppy kisses up and down his throat. Rin’s hot breath fanned across your shoulder, leaving you intoxicated on his passion and desire. 
His hips bucked up into yours, and he pressed your lower body flushed to his hard enough for his pubic bone to grind against your clit. The action, combined with his mouth back on your nipples, was enough to tighten the string of desire deep in you towards its breaking point. 
“Rin… oh god… Rin…” 
He has never paid much attention to how his name sounded like coming from anyone, but when it was you, he found that the cadence of it was far more magical than he expected. 
“Y/N,” he reciprocated in his strained, low baritone. “Fuck… so well for me…”
Disjointed words, heavy breathing and grabby hands made a hazy mark in your dizzy mind. 
You were so far gone that all it took was a few precise circles on your clit with his thumb to get your release crashing down, triggering his own. 
The sensation of your pussy melting around him had Rin seeing stars behind his tightly closed lids. His stuttered growl of your name was buried in your neck, and with a few more thrusts, he spilled fully into you; white hot strings of pure fertile devotion pumped deeper into you with a few more sloppy thrusts. 
“Rin… oh… shit, baby.” You cursed the same moment you tiredly smushed your lips to the corner of his mouth. “Oh my god, baby…”
You had never came at the same time as a lover in your entire life, and the experience was enough to render you speechless with a cresting emotion you could not name. Hot tears slipped from your closed eyes and splashed onto his shoulder. Rin didn’t point them out, nuzzling your cheek tiredly to comfort you. 
Exhaustion fell over both of you like a warm blanket. Both your limbs were tangled, slotting naturally like pieces meant to fall upon the other. His breath stirred your hair and your lips were pressed to his neck, his arms a tight vine around your torso. 
You played with the dark locks at the nape of his neck, marvelling at how soft they were. 
“What’s on your mind?” Rin’s soft question knocked you out from your reverie, and you tried (and failed) to hide your growing smile. 
“Nothing,” you mustered, pressing a quick kiss to the developing mark under his ear. He wasn’t amused by your deflection, smacking your bottom lightly. 
“Tell me.”
Biting your lower lip, you pried your face from its sanctuary of his neck, fixing him with a tender smile—one that knocked the breath from his lungs.
“I was thinking about you… and us… and how I want this to never end.” 
Whatever that sparked between the two of you seemed to grow out of control like a wild flame; razing down the steep trees shading his consciousness as easily as if they were straw dolls. Instead of being terrified, Rin found such destruction beautiful, the glow of the flames drenching him with warmth, the thunderous falling wood filling his ears with brown noise. 
“Yeah?” he goaded the flames further, fanning them into a high arc through his slowly growing smile. “And why is that, baby?” 
“Because I’m in love with you, Itoshi Rin, and I want to be with you.” 
Your next words made an explosion ring in his ears, pushing him to discard every shred of rationality just to keep you by his side for as long as the world kept on spinning.
“I’m breaking up with Sae the first thing tomorrow morning.” 
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TWO DAYS AGO
Sae had no idea how he found himself back in this club. 
The pulsing lights, neon strobes and loud music weren’t exactly up to his standards, but he gritted his teeth and bore it for the sake of his team. 
It was a joint birthday celebration—some young asshole together who had the same birthdate as Leonardo. The club was in full swing, and Sae just wanted to go home and sleep off another rough training session. But, it was as if his teammates had a radar to his burgeoning displeasure. They roped him in for a drinking competition with loud jeers; plied him with shots till the lights lost their edge and he was actually starting to enjoy the music. 
Of course, with word of the arrival of the Spanish football team, came the trail of money-hungry whores. They walked over, plastered on fake faces and bodies with their syrupy smiles and talons waiting to sink into the first available man. Those who didn’t have a woman waiting for them back home took the opportunity to flirt, dance and drink together with them while others like him stood by the sidelines, respectfully detached from the entire scene.
The alcohol was wearing off in his system, and he was starting to get sleepy. Sae signalled to Leo, catching the hulking man’s eye from across the dancefloor and gestured towards the exit sign. I’m leaving.
Leonardo Luna pursed his lips, an overgrown blond baby when he shook his head, making puppy dog eyes that would’ve had anyone caving in. Stay for a little bit, you loser—those eyes seemed to say. 
Sae shook his head, a smirk worming on his lips. The other men wouldn’t get it. He had plans to make and a flight to book back home. 
Turning his back, he fished for his phone in his pocket, pulling up your chat. The text he sent you a few hours ago remained unread, and despite how much he wished he could fix this, there was nothing else he could do but return back to Japan and see you again. 
I hope you sleep well tonight, baby. 
He sighed, and pocketed his phone again. There must be a reason why you were acting so distant. 
Sae must’ve done something; said something that didn’t sit right with you. But, no matter how many times he wracked his brain for an inkling of what he did, he would come back empty-handed and slightly more frustrated than before.
Just as he was about to round the corner and walk out of the club, someone ran into him. He could tell it was a woman from the flurry of brown hair which jerked back, and her soft gasp followed with an embarrassed apology. 
Sae blinked, unperturbed and was about to walk away when she called for him back. “Excuse me, sir?” The lilt in her voice sounded vaguely familiar, tasting of home, and when he turned back to fully drink her in, he found her features to be the same ones he saw from the women back in Japan and he instantly relaxed. 
Switching straight into Japanese, he mumbled, “Yeah?” 
In her hands, she held his phone, the lighted screen showing a text message in the notification bar. He took it from her, and she bowed her head in apology once more. “I’m sorry for being so clumsy, I didn’t—wait—you can speak Japanese, too?” 
Sae nodded in confirmation. “I assume you’re from there?” 
Her expression broke into one of relief, a kindling comradeship every human had when they met someone from their home country in a foreign land. “I am. I’m from Kanagawa. And you?” 
Something electric ran down his spine at her words, and he bit back on a wistful smile, keeping his expression neutral to not scare her off. “Same here. What’re you doing in Madrid?” 
The more he spoke to her, the more he realised how her brown eyes which matched her hair seemed to spark back to life. She spoke freely of her job here as a reporter, how much she missed home and strangely, natto. He had to laugh at that, reminded of the fermented beans which were a great companion to rice—the ones which Rin, back when they were kids, would always pull a face at and pass it to him under the table when they’re mother wasn’t looking. 
He told her of his life as a football player and she made a sound of recognition when he told her his name. 
“Itoshi Sae.” Something about how she said his name, sent a shiver through him—a traitorous one which reminded him of you. 
(Fuck, he almost forgot he had a woman waiting for him back home). 
“I hope our paths will cross again someday, Sae.” 
He didn’t reply, nodding in acknowledgement. 
“Wait!” Before he left, she passed him her business card and cheekily said, “In case you want to help a lost Japanese woman find good food around here.”
She handed him a glossy card complete with her name and phone number on it. Noguchi Jina. A pretty name. Of course. She would be living in Madrid for two years and welcomed any help in navigating the big city. 
Despite the warning bells chiming in his head, Sae took the tiny, glossy rectangle with another nod. “We’ll see when I’m free.” 
He ducked his head and walked out of the club, the card he held in his hand burning warmly. Letting go of it, he removed his phone, and it was stupid, really, how his heart kicked up a notch when he saw your name on the screen, before it crashed down with a lingering sense of guilt. 
It was strange—he did nothing wrong, but why did the sight of your sweet message (‘Goodnight Sae, dreaming of you tonight ♡’) fill him with guilt? He didn’t sleep or flirt with anyone; he felt like his mind was playing a sick trick. Maybe he missed you a little too much—felt like he wasn’t giving you enough attention that the reminder of any woman who wasn’t you filled him with shame. 
I should go back to see her. Deciding that it was enough of a reason to take a few days off, Sae texted his manager to let him know he was off for a few weeks, and that he would be back in Japan to spend the holidays. His next course of action was to leave his mom a voicemail that he would take the entire family for a trip to the Hokkaido mountains—yes, including Rin.
Call it sentimental, but he missed those family holidays they used to go on before he moved to Spain, and he wanted to be reunited under the same roof with the people who missed him the most (yes, this included Rin). 
The idea of such a trip filled him with a quiet joy he did not know how to express beyond a small grin, and as he booked his ticket for home, he pictured the wide smile on your face the moment he showed up at your apartment, suitcase and heart open for you to give him a home during his entire stay.
His mother texted him back the same moment his manager gave him the okay. Since it was off-season for Rin, too, he had the time to spend together with his suddenly nostalgic nii-chan who wanted to start making amends for the shit he put his otouto through. 
They were both grown men now, and Sae was coming to find that the older he got, the more he found himself reluctant to hold onto grudges. 
Which was why when Hana told him it was a lovely idea, he couldn’t keep his excitement down when he texted her back: 
Don’t tell Y/N or Rin. I want it to be a surprise. 
Her response was warm and welcoming. 
Of course. Come back home safely, Sae.
Home. He would be going home.
(To you.) 
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I’m breaking up with Sae the first thing tomorrow morning.
What a lie that turned out to be. 
It seemed as if the universe had it out for you when you woke up in Rin’s arms the next morning, heart full and head woozy. Your lover was also stirring awake next to you, running his fingers up and down your spine which stretched and arched open for him like a well-loved book. 
“G’morning,” he murmured huskily, sleep still heavy in those gorgeous teal eyes and a small smile etched on his swollen lips. You wished him back and snuggled closer to his side, one arm slung haphazardly across his chest, feeling his steady breathing lulling you back into a doze.
Absent-mindedly, you felt him press a soft kiss to your temple, taking a brief pause to inhale the sweet smell of baby powder from your locks. 
“Are you sniffing my hair?” you teased and he clicked his tongue. 
“Smells good. In fact—” Rin rolled you onto your back, his weight pressing you fully into his mattress. Your sprained ankle was about healed and it barely stung when it was tucked under his calf, calmed by his intoxicating warmth. “—I wanna eat you whole.” 
You hummed, “Why’re you so… big?” 
The thin white shirt he wore to sleep stretched over his broad pecs which were shaking with a small laugh. You couldn’t see his face, but you assumed he was wearing a smirk. “Big in what way?” 
Huffing, you smacked his shoulder. “Your height, dummy. What else would I be talking about?” 
Rin found himself growing more comfortable with you in more ways than he had ever felt around another human being. The defences he held onto tightly for his entire life seemed to fracture and crack around the edges, giving him a sliver of understanding that this was what it was like to connect with another person.
This was how he thought someone would start to fall in love with everything—stupid jokes, colours, new experiences, the sound of tinkling laughter… and something—someone else—entirely.
(This was how it felt like to fall in love with you). 
He was about to retort with a lewd comment which was starkly out of character from his usual detached and withdrawn personality, when your phone vibrated with an incoming call.
His brother’s name on the screen set fire to the lingering joke poised to roll off his tongue, withering his courage and conviction into ashes. The both of you didn’t know what to do; how to react.
The bed had turned from an oasis to an impending warzone.
You shook out from your reverie first to pick up your phone, knuckles starkly pale and a clench in your jaw which reminded him of how the muscle would tighten just when you were about to cry. 
But, you remained dry-eyed and brave, firm in your decision to end it with his nii-chan and choose him. 
“Sae?” 
Rin didn’t need you to put your phone on speaker to hear Sae’s impatient question which reverberated across the room like a distant echo; calling the both of you back to this grim reality—one where the afterglow of last night’s love-making could not protect. 
“Where are you? You’re not home?” 
“Hmm? What do you mean—?”
The colour drained from your cheeks and Rin’s breathing was lodged painfully in his throat when he heard the faint murmur of his brother’s next words—sounding both confused and irritated at your absence. 
“I’m standing outside your apartment,” A deathly pause where two guilty souls and one oblivious one engaged in this fatal romance, this dangerous dance which was waiting to explode up in flames across the screen like a car crash one can’t look away from. 
“I’m back home, baby. Where are you?” 
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©️lalunanymph
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rewh0re · 1 year
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2:55 AM
Ft. Itoshi Sae
Got this idea and i just had to write it because why not. Anyways. Reblogs + feedbacks are highly appreciated!!
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It's late. It's way past midnight and you both should be sleeping instead of sitting on the sofa with your heads in your hands trying to figure out how to get out of the problem at hand. You tried your best to sleep but the persistent buzzing of your phone due to the incoming notifications left you sleepless.
"I thought we were careful enough," you took your phone in your hand, opening Instagram only to be spammed by notifications that said you were tagged in several photos and comments by random accounts. There were also thousands of follow requests from said accounts.
"We were careful. They just get their way every single time," Sae had talked to his manager a few hours ago about how a picture of the both of you had taken the internet by storm.
You were out for a date with Sae after his recent victory. The picture was taken after the date when Sae had kissed you under the street light beside an empty park or at least what you thought was an empty park. When you first saw the picture trending, the fans did not yet know who you were, you were still an unknown person who seemed to be Sae's significant other. Within a few hours however, they had found out your name and your account and since then you were on the receiving side of several hate comments and a few supportive ones.
'Sae can do better.'
'They aren't all that.'
'ugh Sae, leave them and date me.'
And other such comments were plaguing the picture. You got several such DMs too that honestly made you feel a bit down and you weren't feeling your best after seeing these.
But along with these there were also a few supportive comments that asked the people to leave you both alone and show you some respect and that it was Sae's choice who he dated and if he was happy it was enough. These comments made you smile. People could be bitter as well as sweet, you concluded.
"What's wrong with the people commenting all of this bullshit? Don't they have anything better to do in life?" Sae's eyes narrowed as he scanned through the various comments and captions.
"This was bound to be the result once our relationship was made public. I'm not complaining, some people can be weird about their idols getting into a relationship," you sighed as you silenced your phone and kept it on the coffee table. This was definitely not good for your mental health as you already thought about Sae finding someone better, probably some pretty fan of his. These thoughts plagued you at night.
"Don't you dare think about me leaving you or something. Don't you let these petty jobless people make you think that you're anything less than perfect for me," Sae held your hand as he seemed to catch on your troubling thoughts. He somehow always knew what was going on with you. Somehow he could read you like an open book. His eyes told you how much he loved you and how important your presence was in his life.
"I'll try Sae. That's the only thing I can do right now. Anyways, these will die down with time. We should sleep now. It's late," you kissed his cheek as you got up from the sofa and headed towards your bedroom.
You stopped midway through, as you noticed your boyfriend was not following you. Instead, he was still on the sofa and it looked like he was deep in his thoughts.
"Aren't you coming? Let them be, as I said it'll die down--"
"I'm gonna make it public first thing in the morning," he turned around to look at you, a serious look in his eyes.
"Sae..people already know, there's no need to--"
"No no, I'm gonna confirm it in the morning. It's been long enough. I'm not doing this for the media either, I'm doing this because I cannot keep loving you in private any longer. I'm tired of always being so on guard with you when we go out," he interrupted you yet again as he closed the distance between you both, now standing in front of you with your face in his hands.
"Sae.." you started but you honestly did not know what to say.
"Are you okay with that?" He looked deep into your eyes as if he was searching for your answer in them.
"Okay," you let out a little laughter as you pecked his lips and broke away from him. "But for now, please, please come to bed."
And true to his words, the next morning you were tagged on Sae's official Instagram post which was a picture of you kissing his cheek as a small, barely there smile was plastered on Sae's face. You smiled a little at the post, not caring about the incessant buzzing of your phone.
'I love you a bit too much' read the caption.
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yooils · 1 year
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RUIN MY PLANS ! sae itoshi x manager! reader. fluff.
☆彡– really, he should have known better than to let someone in so easily– now you've ruined his plans and stained your muddy footprints all over his heart.
part two is out now!
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even in the beginning, it was always just sae and soccer.
(wrong. there was also rin– who used to idolized him as one would a celebrity, and his supportive parents– who sent him snacks and supportive notes when he was abroad.)
nevertheless, there really was no one in the small world of sae itoshi; hidden beneath the bitter guise of frigid thunder and even icier storms– until you first came in as his own brand new manager, (slightly naive) smile differing strikingly from his indifferent countenance.
you've unsolicitedly trampled all over his once-tranquil paradise over the years, sae thinks, because now he can't imagine a future without you– it makes his skin crawl and it feels sickening. how mediocre of him.
and just as sae starts to slowly accept the unfamiliar whirlwind of emotions in his life after denying his feelings for so long, his fragile world collapses again.
"i'm going to resign soon."
oh.
sae's heart sinks to his stomach. he feels like his whole world is falling apart– just like in the movies– and he's infuriated. resentment always came easily to sae, after all; but the fact that it's you makes his stomach churn.
(you, who unexpectedly won a place in his life with your lukewarm anecdotes, stupid laughter and reckless work habits. really, he should have known better than to let someone in so easily– now you've ruined his plans and stained your muddy footprints all over his heart.)
the soft music thrumming through the speakers of an expensive restaurant fuels his rage even more, and you're still sitting there nonchalantly– calm and composed, expression showing no signs of discomfort nor awkwardness.
and it really pisses him off.
he's treated you so well over the years too; trying to be on his best behaviour on his interviews with the press (read: not walking off); listening half-heartedly to your ramblings on how to increase his popularity (though he couldn't care less); and even going so far as to mind his language sometimes.
upon further reflection, maybe he really was the jerk here.
but in contrast to his internal turmoil, sae's demeanour remains tepid save for the slight furrow of his eyebrows. "huh? what's wrong with you?"
it comes out a lot harsher than intended.
you've known sae long enough to read his minuscule body language, and that the slight wince at his own words mean that he's a little apologetic– not that his ego would have ever allowed him to admit it. (if anything, it makes you realise that you've stayed in this job too long for your liking.)
–it's absolutely unhealthy to be around him for so long, you affirm to yourself. that's why you're resigning after six gruelling years.
the way you shift in your chair almost makes him worry.
"it's nothing big, i just want to start a normal life." you respond, albeit tentatively. "maybe cut off travelling around for a bit, have a less stressful job, get a partner–"
he scoffs at that. (it's not due to jealousy, definitely.) "you could do that even while being a manager; it's just a little busier than a normal life. plus, it's not too stressful, is it?"
you work more than 17 hours on busy days– even answering his spur of the moment midnight calls. as much as an eye candy as sae is, you don't think your heart can handle him much longer despite how unaffected you look.
(little did you know, he would've long cut back on the immense workload if you had so much as mentioned it– he would have gone beyond limits to keep you by his side, because you're the only constant in his world of football. and he likes that.)
"i suppose so– i guess settling back into Japan might make dating a lot easier, as well as stop my parent's nagging." you sigh. "they're constantly pestering me on when i'll get married."
sae's had his share of flings in europe before– so he has no idea why his heart races so fast at the mere thought of a reckless idea.
"so date me."
you choke. his face stays stoic, utterly contradicting to the way he swallows thickly– he really is a mess. now he's ruined every single healthy relationship he's ever had in his life.
and never in your life did you think you would get to hear sae itoshi ask you out, even if it was just for his own benefit. "it won't hinder with your work, and it'll be easy to convince your parents, won't it?"
you hate how persuasive he is.
(that night, you end up making a decision that might just cost you more than your sappy feelings.)
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1.8.23
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chigirizzz · 9 months
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ONE STEP FORWARD, TWO STEPS BACK — I. SAE
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warnings/tags: angst, hurt/a little bit of comfort, gn! reader, descriptions of physical symptoms of anxiety, ooc sae??, not proofread
summary: love is confusing. a part of you knows sae loved you; another part of you makes you question that. if both parts can't coexist, was your relationship worth fighting for?
wc: 2.3k
notes: this one was difficult to write man. i literally rewrote almost every paragraph dozens of times until i thought this entire thing was worth of being posted. while writing this i was literally biting my own fist out of frustration lmao.
»»——⍟——««
being a professional football player for sure brings a lot of things in your life: fame, money, awards, fans, haters, sponsors, you name it. but one thing that no one ever seems to talk about is the painful feeling inside someone’s entire body when under the extreme pressure—the shortness of breath, the rapid beating of the heart, the big knot on the throat, the tightening of the stomach, the burning sensation in the eyes due to increased blood circulation, and so on.
sae was used to those feelings. it was part of his life as an athlete—it was part of his life ever since he was a young boy, like when he had to get ready to leave his home country to live in another one, practically alone, without his family. for days, young itoshi sae felt in panic, nauseous and was disturbed by severe headaches.
it’s funny how emotions can make you physically sick, right?
of course, anyone can feel like this—it's completely normal and it’s what makes us humans. for a singer, those symptoms of sickness might happen mostly on the stage; for a baker, those nerves might happen mostly when getting ready the perfect wedding cake; for a writer, that anxiety might happen mostly when publishing a book, afraid of what people will think of it and if it will sell well.
for football players, those sensations are, most of the time, absorbed by their bodies and minds the moment they step on the field.
sae falls into this category.
then, at the end of the day, people can still live through situations that make them feel anxious outside of their professions—perhaps they have to get ready for a date; perhaps they got lost and can't find the right path to go home.
sae does not fall into this category. he is a rational man who avoids people and feelings not related to his career. he always knows what to do and what not to do.
but today, today is different. today sae itoshi is in the second category, and he might be stuck in there for a while, who knows.
sitting on the edge of the bed you both share, he inhales deeply as his hands make their way to grab said edges. the soft material of the bedspread under his fingers helped him cool down a little bit. so soft ♡. he exhaled after holding his breath for a few seconds.
he could hear your sobs.
you were sitting on the comfy sofa placed in the small, elegant balcony connected to your shared bedroom. although the curtains were blocking the outside view, the chilly, cold wind of the night would constantly move the brownish pink curtains to give the man the perfect—and heartbroken—sight of your figure in a curled up position, crying, with no sign of stopping so soon.
(brownish pink curtains… you wanted to buy those because it reminded you of sae's hair. of your boyfriend's hair. he could still hear your laugh when you suggested buying those.)
you too were in a psychological and physical distress; you too were in the second category—the difference, however, was that you have been in that same category for a while; meanwhile sae has only entered it today.
sae didn’t like the feeling of his sunken heart, of the big knot on his throat and of the tightening of his stomach’s walls when looking at you so miserable like that. and the worst part? he was the reason you were in that state.
in case you didn't understand yet, my dear reader, itoshi sae broke your heart once again and now your relationship is at a great risk of ending. by saying that sae has officially entered the "second category", we get the idea that said man is now anxious, scared, and physically sick with the thought of losing you—the anxiety that he only felt on the field and never in his personal life? he's feeling it right now.
and it’s only now that he understands how much he disappointed you ever since you two started dating. he remembers it all now: how he didn’t show any interest in your thoughts and hobbies (which is not true, he was just devoid of emotions but it still hurt you), how cold his responses could get, how he never denied that his career was the number one priority, the dry messages he sent you when you were excited, how mean he could be to other people even if you’d tell him how much you hated that attitude of his, how he would just gave you a gift after a fight instead of properly apologizing, how he stood up on you several times on a restaurant, all ready for him to arrive for your date, only to not appear because he preferred to stay late at practice and ended up forgetting the plans you both made…
the true—although not surprising at all—is, the oldest itoshi wasn’t good with feelings; he knew what to do and what not to do during matches, but when it came to human beings, he didn’t have an idea of what he should do or what to say—and let’s be honest, he didn't care about it either. sae did love you, though. the way he looks at you proves it; the marks he would leave on your body during nights so full of lust and romance that would be capable of shedding emotional tears from aphrodite’s eyes proved it; the way he'd roll his eyes and proceed to place soft kisses on your fingers when you complained of the water being too hot after finishing washing the dishes proved it.
the engagement ring he bought for you that is hidden in a safe place where you couldn’t find it proved it.
and now there might not be a day where he could put the ring around your finger and watch you giggle like a teenager in love.
his heart weighs heavier now, almost like it’s getting ready to be swallowed by the black hole formed on his stomach. fuck. he passes his hand through his reddish brown hair, tugging a few strands.
he got out of the bed and made his way to the door of the small balcony. there you were, still in a curled up position. your sobs have stopped already but a sniff or two could be heard.
“talk to me.” the genius didn’t know exactly what his tone was. tiredness? begging? regret? i-don’t-care-at-all-stop-acting-like-this? this man sure was confusing. there was no response, the only thing that could be heard were the sounds of the leaves of the trees moving with the wind, almost mocking, not sae, but you.
the way you rolled your eyes was unknown to him.
“seriously, y/n. head inside so we can talk—”
“fuck you, itoshi, leave me alone.” your intention wasn’t to be mean to him, you didn't think before speaking—it hurt both you and him—, but sometimes harsh words were better in specific times. this is a specific time, you should have shared your thoughts a long time ago. “you wanna talk now? you usually just buy me roses without saying anything.”
“i’m trying to fix things up.”
you turned your head to look at him, a sad smile on your lips. “and i appreciate it, really, but i’m just so fucking tired, sae.” your voice broke on the word “tired”. “and you just want to talk now because i said i was thinking of breaking up with you during our fight earlier? why, sae, why…” more tears were threatening to fall, voice still breaking.
teal colored eyes darkened. you were now looking at the view in front of you. you guys lived in a really peaceful neighborhood with big, expensive houses. the view was nothing special (a few trees, a few parked cars, a park near you), but it wasn't bad either. it's not like the view mattered as long as you lived with the love of your life.
even if said love of your life could sometimes be difficult to put up with.
you remember when you started dating him and met his younger brother, who had the audacity to say with a serious face that you would regret dating your boyfriend. although you now understand the point rin was trying to make, you didn't regret being with sae; you didn't regret anything at all. and if you were to be honest, you wanted to ignore the fight and just spend the night watching a movie or something, but you had to act like a mature adult and find a better solution.
were you, though, being a mature adult by giving that response to sae when he said he wanted to talk? you were genuinely confused.
sighting and while wiping your tears, you patted the uncopied place of the sofa beside you. "ok, let's talk. sit." the man did what you told and you moved away a few centimeters to give him more space. it was… silence. a mix of comfortable and uncomfortable silence.
without looking at you, sae rested his hand on top of yours, causing you to flinch a little by surprise, but paid no mind and let him interlock his fingers with yours, your thumb now caressing his pinky finger.
"what… what do you want to say?"
"were you telling the truth earlier?"
"about me breaking up with you?" a "mhm" was his answer. "yes, i was ." by the corner of your eye you noticed he stared at you after those words. your mind couldn't decipher what his thoughts were. "i don't like being stood up on a date two times in the same month, y'know?"
the man sighted. "i was busy with practice. and i literally warned you at a good time, you just got to the place too early."
you let out a chuckle in an ironic way. "you did warn me, yes, and i wouldn't mind if it was once or twice, but enough is enough, itoshi." it was the second time of the night—scratch that, it was the second time in your entire life that you called him by his surname. even when you were only friends, you would call him by his first name or by cute, silly nicknames. the second time the word itoshi came out of your mouth, it was full of venom; venom that seemed to wrap so tightly around his heart. "i know your career is extremely important to you. i understand that and i want to support you in any way, shape and form, however, things can't keep going like this."
"i see." the reddish brown haired man looked at both your hands still together. you didn't let go of him, you didn't want to and he didn't want it either. “i understand.”
he should say something more. something more profound, more romantic, capable of making you stay, but what can the prodigy do about it? sure, he'd be lying if he said he didn't want you to stay with him, but the decision was yours and he had to take it, whether he liked it or not; whether it’d left him heartbroken or not. besides, he now understands just how much he confused you with his true feelings. you both were tired of the constant kiss and make up.
just how sae could be an egoistic on the field, he could be also one on his private life (just ask literally anybody and they will confirm).
you let go of his fingers to turn your arm so that your palm was facing upwards, in contact with his, and you interlock your fingers again. “it’s not easy for me but… i feel like it’s the best choice.”
you spent a few seconds looking into each other's eyes, until sae leaned his forehead against yours and you did the same, with your eyes closed and enjoying the cold night breeze hitting your bodies, the breeze contrasting with the bittersweet heat formed in your hearts.
“so… is it decided…”
“yes… it is.” you were glad that he respected your decision and that you discussed the matter without further discussion. “i’ll still pack my things today. in the morning i’ll call a friend and ask them to stay at their house for a few days. then i’ll see how it goes.”
“hm.”
he offered to help you pack your bags, but you refused—him helping you would only make you more emotional and rethink your decision. that night, you and your now ex-boyfriend slept on the same bed, back to back.
»»——⍟——««
"hey,” it was now the next morning and you had just gotten ready to leave the house. sae called you before you had a chance to get out the door. “do not hesitate to call me if you need anything.”
a smile formed on your lips. now that you were changing your path in life, it seemed that you just lost a heavy weight on your shoulders. sae didn't like that, but again, he was in no position to make you stay. “ thank you sae, really. the same goes for you, though. and don’t overwork yourself.”
those words and the little chuckle that followed hurt sae like a bitch. you always told him to not work himself till exhaustion, yet he always ignored you…
“well… goodbye, itoshi.” before he’d answer, you stepped out of the door, closing it behind you.
as the sound of the engine of your friend’s car starting up reached his ears, he made his way to the bedroom, to reach out for the engagement ring he bought for you. he layed on the bed, hugging the tiny ring’s box, hot tears running silently down his cheeks to the pillow.
you were gone. you were officially gone.
»»——⍟——««
tagging: @izzylovestnbhd
thank you for reading. likes, reblogs and coments are appreciated ♡
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okkotsuus · 1 year
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the boy you loved (sae i.) !
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features: sae i.
contents: angst. hurt no comfort. mild swearing. toxic realtionship. nostalgia. reader flinches. door slam. breakup. it hurts sorry lol. 1.8k words.
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to the world, sae itoshi was a catch. he is a pro athlete, beautiful, and rich, everything someone could ever want in a partner. sae itoshi is at the pinnacle of his sport at the age of eighteen years old. he was at the forefront of it for longer.
fame has changed sae itoshi.
you knew sae itoshi before the world did. you knew him before the flashing cameras and cheering crowds, back when he couldn’t even kick a soccer ball without falling flat on his ass. sae itoshi was awkward, dorky, and kind. sae itoshi was the boy you loved.
it all began to change when he slowly climbed the ranks of soccer. his goofy grins became more mellowed, shyness turning to aversion. but most of all, he was no longer kind. sae itoshi was no longer the sweet boy who would hold your hand as you walked to school. sae itoshi was no longer to considerate boy that made sure to have your favorite snacks at his home. sae itoshi was no longer the tender-hearted boy who you fell in love with.
sae itoshi is now a man who’s as foreign to you as a stranger.
yet, for some reason, you can’t seem to let him slip through your fingers. nor can he let you slip from his. in a never ending cycle one always ends up crawling back to the other. like some twisted kind of soulmates you can never escape each other.
you loved sae itoshi the boy, but sae itoshi the man is a whole other story.
loving the man, sae itoshi, is many things, but it is not easy.
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loving sae itoshi is tiring.
sitting up on the couch of his apartment for the nth night in a row, waiting and watching the door like a dog for him to come home. 
sae was incredibly dedicated to his sport, staying till the sun died. he just wanted one thing when he came home: to see you. the first thing he wanted to see when he got home was you. the notion had your head spinning and heart pounding when he so boldly proclaimed it.
but now, when you sit on the couch like a wilted flower, you begin to question just how flattering it was. your eyes ached from keeping them open for so long, the soft glow of the lamps beginning to slowly drive you insane.
this empty apartment is exhausting. but you couldn’t blame him. his schedule is bound to be busy, he is a professional athlete, after all.
the lock clicks as your head raises from the phone in your hands. he walks in and looks at you, before immediately walking away. your heart cracks a little more every time this happens.
he is a ritualistic man, it seemed saying “hi” or “missed ya” would throw it off too much.
so, you stand and walk to the bedroom, tucking yourself under the covers while the gentle flow of the shower lulls you to sleep.
you feel the bed slightly dip sometime later into the night, but the wave of sleep sweeps you back under the surface immediately after. what you do not feel: is warmth or an arm around you.
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loving sae itoshi is stressful.
sae leaves for long periods of time consistently. you accept that he cannot always be home, but you ask that he at least texts you moderately.
sae has a habit of ghosting people when he’s away, then just coming back like he’s greater than thou. not like it’s the first time it’s happening.
he’s been gone for two weeks now and hasn’t said a single thing to you. no texts, no calls, nothing. you were worried. you trusted him, it’s not that. he’s just so far away, what if something happened and the last thing he said to you was “bye,” when he left the home for the airport two weeks ago.
you don’t want to think like this, but this new sae was brash in a way that would get him hurt one day. he spoke his mind with no sense of self-preservation, he had no idea of customs in other countries, and he wouldn’t take one damn minute to text you a single word.
so you call rin, asking him with a quiver in your voice if he’s heard from sae. he hasn’t. but can’t help the choked whine that slams in your chest, quickly thanking him and hanging up. your eyes begin to well tears as you pace the empty apartment that seems a lot more foreboding than exhausting now.
crystalline drops run over your face as you desperately try to calm yourself, you were being dramatic. sae always was there to hold you when you cried as a kid, but now you were crying alone because of that same sweet boy.
you fall asleep on the couch that night, not able to bear the vast emptiness of the bed that was meant to be shared.
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loving sae itoshi is slamming doors.
sae was back soon enough, walking into the apartment as if nothing had happened. he watched as you remained seated, not rising to excitedly greet him like your normally would. his brow furrowed as he left it, leaving you on the couch again when he returned home to unpack.
sae itoshi would rather let a problem steep and fester than deal with it directly. the boy you loved would stutter out of concernwith the most adorable flush on his rounded cheeks. but this man was a shell of the boy who loved you, the boy who still holds your one and only heart.
“what’s up with you?” his words come out abrasive as he stands in the bedroom doorway, one hand idly towel-drying his hair while the other was poised against his hip. he had a way of making it feel like you were the problem.
“what’s up with me?! sae you ghosted me for nearly three weeks, do you know how worried i was?” your own voice punches out of your chest before you can bite your tongue to hold back the words. watching as his eyes widen and he gets that haughty look on his face, you hated that look, that sneer.
he spoke with a venom, green eyes drilling into your form. “i’m a grown man, you don’t need to fuss over me. get over it, we’re not snot-nosed brats anymore, y/n.” you felt yourself flinch back as he ended his sentence with a punctuated scoff. he turned and shut the door a little louder than needed, you flinched back as it slammed: slightly shaking on its hinges.
now that he was gone, the tears flowed free again. you really were still a snot-nosed brat, weren’t you? the thought was mocking as the vast apartment began to feel more and more like a cage.
you fell asleep on the couch with dried rivers of tears shed staining your cheeks, nose rubbed raw from incessantly wiping it on your sleeve.
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loving sae itoshi is nostalgic.
sae isn’t all bad nowadays. sometimes you could see the sweet boy that put bandaids on your scraped knees peek through.
in the light of the early morning, his eyes are bright and the soft glow makes his face feel more soft. it reminds you of waking up from sleepovers at the itoshi house, sae’s sleepy face and his messy bed hair.
when he plays football you are reminded of the boy who couldn’t shoot without falling flat on his face. you remember kissing the tip of his reddened nose while wiping the tears that threaten to escape from the corners of his sea-glassy eyes.
when he’s eating his dinner, you see the boy who stuffed his face with puffy cheeks. you see the boy who shoveled food into his mouth after practice, insisting that he needed to grow.
sae itoshi was still the boy you fell in love with, he was just a little lost.
times like this forced you to acknowledge that it was not actually his past self shining through. rather, it was you so desperately looking for any semblance of a shred of the boy who you once loved.
sae itoshi is no longer the boy you fell in love with, that boy died when he went to spain.
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loving sae itoshi is hard.
this decision wasn’t easy. everytime the thought even crossed your mind you felt your eyes sting and your nose run hot. 
but the truth was inevitable and unforgiving. passing moments of joy could no longer help alleviate the aching pain that echoed in the deepest expanses of your soul.
sae itoshi was no longer the boy who you fell in love with, it was the inevitable truth.
you didn’t believe that sae loved you any longer, rather coexisting with you as stability.
you don’t ever want to be a roommate to your partner.
you needed to break up with sae itoshi, to let go of the boy who was so long gone. 
for once in your life, the apartment did not feel so bad. it felt like being in your childhood home for the last time before going off to college.
sae was off today, you planned it so he would be, not wanting to spring it one him before or after practice.
“sae, we need to talk."
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sae knew he had messed up when he heard those words come from your mouth. but the safety net of your unconditional love had spoiled him. so he did not expect for you to leave.
when you said you were leaving, it began to wear. but it was still there, so he expected that you would be coming back soon.
when weeks turned to months with nothing but occasional passing conversations, he began to sweat.
sae itoshi, the ultimate catch, had just lost the love of his life.
the net snapped as he was left falling, plunging into an endless regret. sae itoshi was reminded of every single time he had given you the cold shoulder. every single time he was ruder than necessary. every single time he had forgotten he loved you.
sae itoshi knew he was no longer the boy you loved. but you are still the kid that he fell in love with, the only one who captured his heart.
and he pushed you away.
and damn, it hurt like hell when his apartment began to feel eerily empty without you, a bed meant to be shared becoming cold without another body in it.
sae itoshi realized how you had felt the entire time.
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okkotsuus 23
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sseatherny · 7 months
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I THINK HE KNOWS
itoshi sae x fem! reader :: bllk socmed au
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SUMMARY. After being assigned the task of finding a model for a project, you, a student photographer, have to face the challenging task of approaching and persuading Itoshi Sae, whom you have a crush on, to be your model. Working with Sae is a huge opportunity to add a renowned name to your portfolio. The pressure and responsibility are real, but so is the chance to achieve something great.
TAGS. fluff, crack, slight angst
STATUS. ongoing
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PROFILES
shidou's cooking show :: seggsy people and bachira
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୧ 📷 ୨
01 – bad day
02 – interested?
03 – curious
04 – fools are really fun to watch
05 – I'll be in your care
06 – pinned
07 – ghost
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🏷️ TAGLIST. open!
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tim-shii · 26 days
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a blessing in disguise.
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a/n: dad!sae and husband!sae in one post? more likely than you think. timmy being down bad for sae for the nth time, what's new? i didnt know where this story was heading while i was writing it halfway but the idea is dad!sae and husband!sae. also this is cute i love this work i will cry over this for months.
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“sometimes, i’m pretty sure you’re only with me out of pity. how dare you? my love for you is sincere–”
“what are you babbling about now?” sae let out an exasperated sigh. you two are lounging in the living room. him, watching a soccer game of the rivaling team they’re going up against next week, and you, laying down on the couch with your feet on his lap, just blankly staring at the ceiling.
“…like i would even lay down in front of a moving train for you. or! i would, without a doubt, drink a poison that’s specifically for you. if you ever get in a coma, i would stab myself, juliet style, absolutely no hesitation. you don’t understand the lengths i would go through for you–”
“oh my god,” sae drags his palm down his face quite dramatically. “is this because i forgot to say ‘i love you’ this morning?”
“see? this is exactly my point. do you even like me?” you nudge his side with a sock clad foot.
he grabs a hold of your ankle and settled in back on his lap. “we’ve been married for five years. our son is literally five meters away playing with his sister.” sae replied with a pointed glare, visibly done with your antics. someone give him a break, he’s experiencing this exact predicament for the past seven years. he’s annoyed, yes, but it’s one of the reason he’s highly and deeply infatuated– in love with you.
you were about to retaliate but rushed footsteps and a sudden weight on your chest prevented you. “mommy!” speak of the little devil and he shall appear. kio, your 4-year-old son. behind him is kiho, your 1-year-old daughter, crawling as hard as she can trying to reach her older brother. immediately, you sat up on the sofa, pulling kio to your lap. “what– baby, are you crying? what’s going on?” you coo as you wipe the tears off his chubby cheeks.
“kiho bit me! we were just playing and then she suddenly–” while you were occupied with kio, sae abandoned his spot from the couch and opted to slide down to the floor instead. his eyes were focused on the adorable infant who is now crawling towards her beloved father. as soon as she’s only a foot away from him, sae scooped her up in his arms and retreated back to your side on the settee, “you bit your brother, kiho?” to which the infant just babbled incoherent with a wide grin.
sae smiles back at her before furrowing his brows. and it seems like you had the same thought as him when you looked at him with a confused frown.
“bit you?” you asked kio.
“yes, she did! it hurts! i think her bite left a mark!” he showed you his left forearm and there you see. the mark of a small baby tooth.
“she’s teething!” you exclaimed happily after kissing your son’s forearm. (“kisses make the pain go away.” you once told him when he tripped and scraped his knee at the park.) sae gently lift up kiho’s lips to peek at her gums, and ta-da! a cute tooth peeking back at him.
“she’s growing up too fast.” sae hummed, kissing kiho’s head, making her giggle.
“mommy, why did she bite me?” kio patted your cheek to get your attention back on him. “did i do something wrong? i thought she was having fun when we were playing together.” your heart felt stabbed, squeezed and stepped on ten times as kio looks at you with tears in his eyes.
“she was just showing affection, ki. she must’ve felt overjoyed with you but she didn’t know how to express it. she is a baby after all.”
“did i bite when i was a baby, too?”
“oh, absolutely. you bit your dad mostly.” you laughed at the memory of sae wincing in pain as his son decided to sink his growing teeth onto his father’s shoulder as he carried him.
“now. kiho, baby. say sorry to your brother.” sae held her in the middle of you two like a cat, his hands supporting his torso under her arms. however, instead of a garbled apology, kiho blew a raspberry to kio.
“hey, that wasn’t nice,” the little boy frowned.
“mom, don’t laugh– dad, stop laughing, too!” kiho followed the two of you and let out a gleeful squeal. all the while kio rubs the saliva off his face with your shirt.
“kio!” sae laughs even harder. kiho, too.
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likes and reblogs are appreciated! masterlist
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noomon · 10 months
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ding!
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. . . itoshi sae. parting ways doesn’t always mean it’s over.
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“this is it.”
sae nods. he’s unable to say anything because if he did, he knows that he’ll find it in himself to not let you go; to not end this relationship you two shared. but he also knows that it’s what’s best for the two of you, and who was he to deny something that would benefit you both?
“well, good luck on renewing your passport,” you say with a light chuckle.
he needs to say something.
he needs to say anything, really, so as not to make it seem that this decision was only one-sided.
“good luck on your studies,” he replies, his so tone soft that it almost got lost with the feeble gust of wind in the airport.
“yeah.” you nod, and your heart broke to hear him sound so small—a sharp contrast to his usually cold and prideful persona. “hopefully university doesn’t disintegrate the remaining brain cells i have,” you joke, though sae didn’t laugh, not even a slight scoff of amusement.
you have nothing else to say, and you two are about to part ways when the announcer announces the following list of flights.
“hey,” you call out to him, slightly smiling. “who knows? maybe in ten years or so, you and i will still be single. there’ll still be a chance for another start, right?”
sae finally chuckled, though it was quiet. “mhm.”
as you were about to head to board your plane, he grabbed you by your wrist, pulling you close to him—placing a kiss on your lips—for the very last time for who knows how long; who knows how long you and him would stay in each other’s hearts in different countries? building your careers and focusing on yourselves.
and when you two pulled away, a tear went unnoticed by you as you waved goodbye to sae. he didn’t even notice that he was crying until he boarded his private suite, with his attendant offering him a tissue.
he thinks back on your words as he wipes his tears away. yes, parting ways doesn’t always mean it’s over.
it’s not over, sae says to himself as he finally steps out of japan’s airport.
it’s not over, but only the beginning of a separate chapter of his and your lives that will eventually lead back to finding each other.
“it’s not over,” he says to no one in particular, seeing you in the crowd years later, your eyes scanning the field for him. and when his gaze meet yours, he understands, he’s been reassured a milliom times over from seeing you—that your love for each other was never over.
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noomon © 2023. do not copy, modify, or translate my work.
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saerins · 4 months
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°୨୧ MORAL OF THE STORY
+ sae x f!reader | wc 2k | content: both of them are just kinda selfish in their own ways, angst, mentions of alcohol
notes: haha hi guys …. i’m totally not in love with sae . totallyyyyyy … ( kidding i need help sos ) (∘⁼̴⃙̀˘︷˘⁼̴⃙́∘)
summary: you and sae have been in love with each other since high school. during your special day, he throws you a curveball.
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everything’s in full swing.
dinner is ongoing, the meat station being particularly popular, as you expected. all your old friends from different schools are mingling along so well, just like you imagined they would. everyone’s excited for the big day tomorrow, and so are you.
as you watch everything unfolding from the balcony, you can’t help but smile. one step closer to tomorrow, one step closer to forever.
unlike everyone else, you abstain from drinking yourself silly. they can afford to be hungover tomorrow, but not you. won’t be good to see the bride throw up all over her wedding dress.
“you look pretty like this.”
turning around at the man who has your full attention, you smirk. “just like this, itoshi sae?”
there’s a pink flush on his cheeks and you have a hard time gathering whether it’s from your words or the liquor. sae’s only a little tipsy—not enough to consider him drunk. but he chuckles though, and it has your heart beating faster; he still has the same hold over you like he did way back then.
nothing much has changed since you first knew him. he’d always been special to you, and you, to him.
“all the time,” he corrects himself, both elbows leaning on the railing, looking at the sea view before the two of you.
giggling, you mirror his position, bare arm brushing the sleeves of his expensive suit. “i’m sure you know i feel the same,” you tease him back.
sae laughs a little harder, and it’s refreshing to see his usual stoic expression turn soft. “of course i know,” he says before turning to look you in the eyes, those teal tones forever magic when they stare at you. “i’ve known since you started having that crush on me back in high school.”
you groan, covering your face. “see, i knew you’d bring that up!” you complain, embarrassed. it’s kind of humiliating whenever he brings that up—it’s his worst blackmail material. “shush—i don’t want anyone to know. no mentioning it in any toasts or anything, okay?” your cheeks are heating up by now, and you have to pout.
the man beside you only continues laughing, both of you enjoying just existing in the moment, and even though he doesn’t say anything, you know he won’t say shit about that. because he always listens to you.
everyone else is still inside, preoccupied by the games hosted by the emcee.
“hey, y/n?” sae speaks up as your laughter drowns out.
you turn to him, narrowing your gaze and smiling, wondering what to expect from him—as you always are, because sae’s good at surprising you and you love that. “yes, mr itoshi sae?”
there’s a small pause as he swallows the lump in his throat, his eyes still gazing at you, from your hair to your nose to your chin and back at your eyes. “i’m in love with you.”
at that moment, time stands still and there’s a ringing drowning your ears, a silence swallowing you whole. it has you doubting whether it’s really him in front of you, saying the words you’d always wanted to hear from him.
“what—”
“i love you, y/n.”
and by all means, it should’ve been a happy occasion. you’ve dreamt of this moment happening over and over and over again. back then, you envisioned something different.
you and sae, twenty-three, finding out where your life paths are going, converging together and deciding to fuck what everyone thinks and go for it anyway. you and sae, twenty-four and making it past the one-year mark and defying everyone else’s expectations (including your own). twenty-five and thinking why neither of you thought to try sooner. twenty-six and knowing you’re set for the rest of your life.
that’s how it was supposed to be.
but at eighteen, sae had left without a word after your confession, a selfish choice. at nineteen, your friendship was reduced to one-sided texts while sae was off trying to piece his future. at twenty, you’d given up and let sae turn his full attention to soccer, while you’d hold no grudges and finish your studies. by twenty-two, you’d met someone who always put you first, someone who always knew what to do to make you feel better. someone who’s good for you.
“what are you doing, sae?” you ask him, nostrils flared from all the emotions threatening to spill out of you. it was easy to convince yourself that you no longer felt anything for him when he wasn’t here to tempt you, wasn’t here to taunt you for giving up. but since he’s been back for the past year, it proves to be difficult to suppress all the old feelings you’d tucked away.
sae takes his time to answer, because he doesn’t know either. he doesn’t fucking know why he’s only telling you this now, when he’s felt this way since you were both sixteen. when you’re both ten years older and living very different lives. when you’re about to marry someone else that isn’t him and it’s driving him crazy.
“i don’t know,” he answers honestly, suddenly realising the gravity of what he did and looking away ashamed. “i just… i love you. ever since we were younger, i- i’ve always felt the same.”
he did, and he still loves you. he was stupid when he was younger. he left and made stupid decisions like not even trying to talk to you because he didn’t know what the fuck he should do and now no excuse would be good enough to convince you to choose him. there’s no reason for you to. you’re about to marry someone who’s so obviously in love with you. someone who shows you off everywhere, someone who treats you the way sae wish he did since all those years ago.
what is he even doing? he doesn’t even know.
whenever he thought about how you’d react if he ever told you those words, he didn’t think you’d be like this; silent, tears flowing out your eyes, the cold creeping up your cheeks and bare arms and making you shiver.
“i wish…” you pause, looking him in the eyes. “i wish you’d said that before it was too late.”
he’d seen that coming. of course there wouldn’t be anything different to this story, not even with his confession. except, maybe, the nostalgia of getting a chance to say everything he never did, to the girl who always deserved it the most.
despite every single part of him that is screaming at him that whatever he’s thinking about is wrong, that people shouldn’t do this to the bride the night before the wedding, that little volume of alcohol inside him provides all the rush he needs. a swift sweep of the surrounding scenery is all he needs to know nobody’s watching, and before either of you really know it, sae’s lips are on yours and you’re so conflicted it’s criminal.
of course, you’re the one who pulls away—but there’s never disdain in your eyes when you look at him. a mercy he shouldn’t be able to afford but he does, only because you’re a saint compared to him.
it’s selfish; he’d always loved you, always wanted you, always never knew what to do with himself but now he’s dragged you down this rabbit hole and the aftermath isn’t particularly sweet. you’re sweet, though, the taste of cake that lingered on your tongue.
“i’m sorry,” he settles for, and the perplexed expression behind your eyes just serve to make him hate himself for this. he should.
you clear your throat, sniffling down your emotions before straightening yourself up and offering him a smile—one laced with ten years of melancholy and a lifetime of sae’s regrets.
“i’m sorry too,” you tell him, and part of you doesn’t know what you’re apologising for. is it because he realised his feelings too late and doesn’t stand a chance right now? is it because you’re consoling him for his loss? or is it because you’re thinking that if he had done this even just a few weeks earlier, maybe you would’ve changed your mind? that’s something to be sorry to your fiancé at the time for, right?
there’s a dull ache in your heart that’ll be hard to extinguish. it’s a sorry state to be in especially when tomorrow should be one of the biggest days of your life, but you’ll manage, just like you always have. the little girl inside of you is happy, even if just a little, even if this situation is a little questionable. but the boy she’s loved her whole life finally has the guts to say that he feels the same way.
all too little too late; now he’s just the lingering feelings of what should’ve been that you need to say goodbye to no matter how much your selfishness never wants to let go.
taking a step back, you purse your lips into a thin smile and reach your hand out. sae shakes it, the sad deformation of your friendship turning into plain formalities. “thank you,” you say, trying your best not to let any more of the pain show, “for everything.”
for being the first person you ever really considered a friend. for being the first person who always protected you from the storms. for being the guy who became most of your firsts. for loving you too, this whole time. there’s a lot you want to thank itoshi sae for—but where you’re about to go, the phase of life that you’re going to enter, it’ll know no peace if you allow sae in it.
this might be one of the last few times you ever speak to the love of your life.
sae chuckles weakly, the strength in his grip fading. “i should be the one telling you that.” you were an integral part of his youth after all. you’re the only one for him, and that’s all that has to be said. only person outside of family he truly cares for. only person he’d ever give his heart to. only person that can demand anything of him and he’ll follow through. only person that can possibly ruin him.
only person that he wonders what it’d feel like if he ever heard you say it back.
but he knows he’ll never get it.
“maybe… in another life,” and a small smile is all you can offer before you have to pull away, the tenderness with which sae holds you rivaling that of your fiancée’s.
in another life, he’ll definitely find you. he’ll find you and keep you and make sure he isn’t as stupid as he was back then.
but as he lets your fingers slip through his hand, as he watches you retreat to your future husband—he knows that this life is what matters now, and this life is where he’ll never be happy. and as the groom slowly looks away from you, to sae, and nods like he now knows yet does nothing about it, sae hates him even more.
he’s perfect for you. with you. both of you seem like you’re cut from the same cloth. everything sae could probably never measure up to.
so he gets ready. gets ready to go back and have an early night. gets ready to watch you vow yourself away to another man right in front of his face. gets ready to sideline himself and say goodbye to the one person he ever loved.
on your wedding day, that’s when the two of you see the last of each other; the remnants of your friendship being kept in the form of a photo in your form—groom on one side, sae on the other. even years after the fact, even when your phone’s been changed twice, thrice, how many ever times—it’s still there, stagnant in your album, never discarded.
on another side of the world, the same happens with sae. it’s there, as though it’s engraved in the album, favourited and kept hidden. petty as it is, the version of the picture in sae’s phone has your husband cropped out.
through all these years, sae keeps staring at it whenever he thinks of you, wondering what could’ve been.
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saenora · 8 months
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HEATHER! • SAE ITOSHI
tw: angst, implicit smut… subpar + self indulging <//3. i read it once so idk… likeokah. mdni
thankyou to @leviismybby @keiskyutie for being the bestt babies and teaching me how to write smut💀 ilys 🤍
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sae itoshi doesn’t love you, as his strong hands grip your hips, your moans echoing through the room, —he sets the pace kneading into your plushy flesh— your hands gripping the folds of the white sheet, head buried in pillow, he hides away from your gaze.
sae doesn’t fuck you in missionary/mating press, he's afraid his eyes might giveaway his true feelings, the moment they meet yours he'd hate the way you'd look at him, your eyes glimmering with love and affection.. the affection he deprives himself. the same that his heart has yearned each time your hands accidentally brushed washing over the facades he puts up.
sae doesn’t lace your fingers with his, because if he did you'd hold it better and never let it go; daunting him of a possibility where you won't be reach out for him anymore or perhaps when you'll beg him to hold it omce more. he slips off, fisting your wrists as you ask for him to trust that you'll catch him.
sae deafens himself to your sweet moans and melodic cries of I Love Yous, his name slipping off your lips effortlessly.
he'd hate the way you’d run your hands through his hair… tugging, eyes fluttering as you’d clench around his girth, your touch burns him from the inside, as your vulnerabilities seeps through naked. he’d blind himself to your smile, telling himself one day he'd be the reason you'll lose it.
you'd be a naked soul under him ready to give your all, without asking for an ounce in return. the moeent where his head would touch yours, all his weapons turning usless against the urge to hold you close, to have your hearts beating as one. he'd find himself at mercy of your peace. the intimacy of the moment driving away his fears. he'd hate the urge to kiss your soft lips, for it may unveil histrue self. its too weak, you're too weak to bring his walls down he chants like a prayer while a ray peaks through the dark alleys of his crooked heart.
you’re not enough, you wont ever be, no matter what lies you feed yourself as he lays next to you, giving away not even bits to hold onto. he shuts you out. you wont be the one to hear his aching heart beat. "love need not be a two way street sae" you whisper to his back, inaudible.
you eat your own words, a hand hanging in mid air, maybe one day he'll let someone in, someone capable to fight his inner demons… someone he’d reach out to. and you widthdraw your hand, “its too early…”, “…he's too broken” you're not the one.
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