#sakura calling sasuke's hawk 'our friend'

[meoowwxx]

my wife, my sasuke, our friend *sigh* based on sasuke retsuden chapter 3

[entity9silvergen]

Thought That Cupid Shot Me With Love But It Was Only An Aro (Naruto Fanfiction)

Summary: Soulmates were supposed to be the other half of your soul. Your one true love. Ino always dreamed of finding her soulmate. Sai never wanted one. Still, they cared for each other so they were going to make it work. Somehow.

Relationships: Sai & Ino, Sai/ Ino, Sai & Team Kakashi, Sai & Team Asuma, Sai & Shin, Referenced Naruto/ Hinata, Referenced Sasuke/ Sakura, Referenced Kakashi/ Guy, Referenced Shikamaru/ Temari, Referenced Choji/ Karui

Characters: Sai, Ino Yamanaka, Shikamaru Nara, Choji Akimichi, Shin, Kakashi

Warnings: Minor aphobia

Other: AroWriMo 2021, Soulmate AU, Aroace Sai, Aro/ Allo Relationship, Oneshot, Aromantic Writer, Queer Themes, QPRs

Word Count: 10K

Author’s Note: This story was written for Aromantic Writing Month 2021! I’ve been wanting to write an aromantic Soulmate AU for awhile and decided to finally write it when I realized Aro Writing Month was approaching. Prompt for week 1 was Romo/ Loveless & Future which kind of aligns with this fic. 

The title comes from the song Not In Love by Natalia Kills.

This is my first time writing a soulmate AU and also my first time writing an aromantic character. I’d just like to say I don’t really like the idea of aromantic/ alloromantic soulmates because it implies they both have to compromise in some way but I’ve always wanted to see how that kind of relationship would be navigated so here we are. 

Some characters are mildly aphobic but there’s nothing hateful or extreme. It’s mostly just people not understanding.

Also this fic skips around through time a bit and begins before Sai gets his name in canon but I am just going to call him Sai because it’s kind of awkward to avoid using it. A few minor deviations from canon are taken just for convenience. 

___________

As long as Ino could remember, she’d had a massive, stark white tiger with jet black stripes wrapped around her arm.

She didn’t really question it’s presence. Everyone had marks on their bodies as far as she knew. Once she was old enough to really recognize what it was, however, she did find it a bit odd. Compared to the bright red bush clover on her mother’s upper arm and the aquamarine instrument on her father’s leg, a black and white tiger seemed strange. She tried asking about it but no one seemed to understand her confusion. They just saw it was any other soulmark with nothing out of the ordinary.

It wasn’t until she was a couple years into her training at the Academy that she really understood what the tiger on her skin meant.

She’d been sitting on the grassy hill where her Kunoichi classes were held with her friend Sakura. It was early spring and tiny flowers were beginning to sprout out of the ground. Idly, Ino plucked them out of the earth and slowly began tying their stems into a chain. What for, she did not know. She just needed something to occupy herself until the teacher arrived. She was running a bit late and once she arrived, Ino understood why.

“Hello class!” the teacher called once she reached the top of the hill, dropping a bag of books at her feet. They hit the grass with a loud thump. The bag was a lot heavier than it looked, no wonder it had slowed her down. “Sorry for the delay!”

“What are those books for?” Sakura called out, voicing the rest of the girl’s thoughts.

“Oh these?” the teacher said, picking up one of the books. “We’re going to use these books to help with the lesson. Today we’re going to talk about soulmarks.”

Soulmark. The word struck a chord in Ino’s mind. It sounded familiar yet she didn’t have the slightest idea what it meant. She sensed it was important though. Intrigued, she rested her arms on her knees and leaned forward a bit. She didn’t say anything, positive Sakura and all her newly discovered chattiness would do it for her. “What’s a soulmark?”

The teacher’s eyes glowed in a way Ino had never seen before as she sat down and threw herself into her explanation. “You see those designs on your bodies?”

Ino looked down at the tiger on her arm and felt a flash of excitement. Was she finally going to learn the meaning behind it?

“Those are soulmarks. You see, the universe is very wise and knows who we are destined to fall in love with,” the teacher told them, smiling at the wondrous expressions appearing on the girls’ faces. Ino tried to wipe the look off her own features but she couldn’t help it. This was nothing like flower arranging at all. That was fun but this was important. “That’s why we’re born with these marks. They give us hints about what our soulmates are like and tell us how to find them.”

A few girls squealed and made soft noises expressing their delight but Ino remained quiet, eyes wide as she ran her fingertips over the tiger’s curved stripes. She’d done so countless times before but now it felt different. Almost humbling. This mark told her who she was meant to fall in love with? That was amazing. Almost unbelievable. 

“I read a story book about soulmates once,” declared a girl Ino couldn’t remember the name of. “It said soulmates are each other’s one true love and we’re all meant to find each other some day. Some people have to travel really far to find their soulmate!”

“That’s true,” the teacher said with a nod, “but usually our soulmates aren’t too far away. I knew my soulmate since we were kids but we didn’t realize until we were much older. Sometimes we need time to develop as people before our soulmarks make sense. We need time to grow into them.”

“I heard that Hyuga girl has a ramen bowl on her somewhere,” another girl spoke up. She made an over exaggerated face of disgust. “The only person who eats ramen enough for the universe is that dumb Uzumaki kid. I’d bet anything they’re soulmates.”

“Now, Yaka,” the teacher chided, “it’s not nice to make assumptions about other people’s soulmates, let alone talk about their soulmarks behind their backs. Soulmarks are a private thing.”

Ino noticed the teacher didn’t scold Yaka for the way she was talking about Naruto and Hinata. She didn’t know what that was about but she didn’t really like it. She didn’t have the faintest idea who her soulmate was but she hoped no one made fun of him for her soulmark, whatever it was. As troubling as her mark was, she loved it and knew she would one day love her soulmate as much as the tiger on her arm. And he was supposed to love her just as much, right? They were destined to be together after all. Each other’s true love.

“I hope mine is Sasuke,” Sakura sighed dreamily, clutching her hands together.

Ino snapped out of her romantic daydreams and blew air out through her mouth, making her blond bangs move out of her face, as she rolled her eyes. “We’re too young to really know, Sakura. Don’t get your hopes up.”

“Color is the best indicator to go off of,” the teacher told them, eyes drifting to the mark on Sakura’s hand. “Red isn’t an uncommon color in the soulmarks of the Uchiha.”

Ino’s mouth twisted in annoyance. Their teacher was indulging her? Really? At least Sakura seemed happy about it. And Ino would be lying if she said she didn’t think Sakura’s mark may one day fit their classmate. The scarlet feather of a hawk covered the back of her hand, the middle bleeding into a pale purple that stretched the shaft into a long snake trailing up her arm. It was a pretty cool soulmark, Ino had to admit. Two animals in one mark? And so colorful. Maybe that meant Sakura’s soulmate had a lot of character to him. Or that he really liked animals. Did Sasuke like animals? But like the others, it made her uneasy about her own.

“What if your soulmark doesn’t have any colors?” Ino asked, raising her hand. When the teacher’s eyes flickered to her arm, Ino put her arm down and covered her mark with her hand. She tried her best not to look down in shame to no avail then immediately hated herself for it. Then she decided she hated her teacher for the look she was giving her. How dare she make Ino feel ashamed of her soulmark and, by extension, her soulmate? 

The teacher’s judgemental look vanished in a heartbeat, replaced by a cheery facade, and she handed Ino the book she was holding. “That’s a good question! Everyone, take a book and try to find any characteristics that might match your soulmark. You might be able to learn something about your soulmate!”

Ino wasn’t oblivious to the fact her question was ignored but Sakura was tugging at the book in her hands, excited to see what it’s contents could tell her. Ino shook her negativity away and laughed, scolding her friend into settling down and sharing the book.

They spent the whole afternoon flipping through the pages, gazing at the beautiful soulmarks within, and Ino found nothing about colorless soulmarks. Like many things regarding her soulmate, she didn’t know what to think of that.

___________

Sai thought he was markless until he was eight.

He knew what soulmarks were, of course. They were impossible to miss, especially since he lived in such close quarters with everyone he trained with. He’d just never seen one on his own body so he just figured he didn’t have one. And he was pretty okay with that. 

This batch of ROOT recruits were being trained in a Hidden Mist style so they spent a fair amount of time on the water. The instructor had begun teaching the Water Natured recruits how to use Water Style: Liquid Bullets recently so today that part of the group was polishing their jutsu while the rest of the recruits practiced dodging on a moving surface of water. It was a good exercise for everyone.

The only problem was all the Water Style users kept nailing Sai with their jutsu.

Normally Sai wouldn’t mind. He was a fast ninja and he was pretty good at dodging. The only problem was that there were so many and a few were bound to hit now and again. It was just that it was more than a few. And he seemed to be the only one getting hit. It was enough that the instructor asked him to get off the water and practice his Earth Style on his own until they were done.

“Maybe we can ask the instructor if you can wear a shirt next time,” Shin said casually once the session was over and the group was heading back to base. “I mean, it’ll get all wet if you fall in but it’s better than getting hit with Liquid Bullets the whole time.”

“What?” Sai peered at his brother, confused. “Why would wearing a shirt change anything?”

“Um, because of your soulmark?”

“I have a soulmark?”

Shin’s hands dropped from their place folded behind his head as he came to a stop to gape at his brother. “You didn’t know you have a soulmark?”

“No. Should I have?”

“Yes!” Shin exclaimed, throwing his hands up. “Soulmarks are important! They tell you who you’re going to fall in love with and- wait. If you didn’t know you had a soulmark, why did you think everyone kept shooting you with their jutsu?”

“I thought maybe it was some kind of strategy to pick off a weak link.”

“You’re not a weak link!” Shin exclaimed, louder this time. Sai didn’t really understand what he was getting upset over but he hoped he’d get over it soon. The instructors didn’t really like it when the students got worked up like this. “Your soulmark just makes a giant target on your back. It’s easy to aim for so everyone goes for it.”

“Oh.” That made sense, he supposed. “What is it? My soulmark, I mean.”

“It’s a flower. I don’t know what kind.”

“What does it mean to have a flower soulmark?”

Shin shrugged. “I have no idea. I think I heard flowers are kind of rare since all girls like flowers. Hey, maybe that means your soulmate is a boy. The universe might think boys liking flowers is weird enough to make it soulmark-worthy.”

“I don’t think it’s weird for boys to like flowers.”

“So you think your soulmate is a boy?”

“I don’t know. I don’t really care.”

“Come on,” Shin whined. “You’ve got to care a little bit!”

“Not really. I’ve never wanted a soulmate.”

“Really?” Shin sounded surprised, far more surprised than Sai thought he would. “Well, maybe that’s just because you didn’t think you had one. Maybe now it’ll change.”

Sai didn’t think so but he didn’t tell Shin. He didn’t think he’d understand.

________

Ino was nine when she felt a blinding pain shooting up from her soulmark.

It wasn’t sudden. In fact, it was very slow. A gentle static that turned into overwhelming agony. Ino had felt emotions through the soulbond before, however rare, but never to this degree. The initial surprise was faint, easily mistakable for her own feelings, but the adrenaline and fear that followed most certainly were not.

Iruka seemed to notice something was wrong because by the time the first wave of crippling despair hit, he’d already yelled for a student to take charge of the class and had ushered her out into the hallway. She was dimly aware of what was happening around her through it all. If she’d been more clear headed, she would’ve worried more about keeping it together in the presence of her classmates but right now she could only think about the hurt, fear, and grief rippling through her. 

Her soulmark burned, sending bolts of emotion up her body, welling her throat shut and tightening her chest with raw, unfiltered emotion. It was like water boiling up in a kettle that exploded into a scalding ocean instead of steam. Like someone had injected lightning into her body and let it fry her heart. Like being surrounded by a heavy cloud of darkness that sucked any light out of her. 

Never before had she felt such a thing and she didn’t know how to handle it. She didn’t understand where it was coming from or why this was happening to her. But then it just… stopped. Like nothing had happened.

She regained control of her breath as the sharp grip around her receded. She felt the sobs die in her throat and clean oxygen fill her lungs once again. She hadn’t even noticed she’d been crying until now. Tears stained her face and Iruka’s shoulder but there were fewer than before. It was now that she realized she had collapsed on the ground in the hallway, body pressed against the rough wood floor. The realization didn’t make her want to get up any more though. She could lie here for the rest of her life for all she cared. She kind of wanted to. Lying here in this sleepy, numb fog that clouded her mind sounded like a good idea.

“Are you alright?” Iruka asked, her sensei’s worried tone drawing her back to reality.

“What happened?” Ino groaned, sitting up to meet his gaze. The concern was evident on his face but he looked relieved to see that she was okay. She felt a prickle of guilt knowing she was responsible for his worry. What was that anyway? It just came out of nowhere then left just as fast. Absently, her hand drifted to her soulmark. Any echo of its earlier noise was long gone. It was as silent as the dead of night. “I feel…”

“I think something happened to your soulmate,” Iruka told her softly, helping her sit up against the wall. He shifted a bit so he sat across from her. For that, Ino was grateful. She didn’t think she could handle getting up right now.

“My soulmate?”

“You’ve felt things through your soulbond before, right?” Iruka asked. Ino nodded as she wiped her face free of any stray tears. “Well, sometimes when our soulmates are in a lot of pain or distress, we can feel it through the soulbond.”

“How come?” Ino asked, genuinely curious. The pain she felt was probably nothing compared to what he was feeling so she could stomach a bit of it for her soulmate’s sake but she didn’t understand why the universe would place that upon her or anyone else. That just seemed cruel.

“Well…” Iruka trailed off for a moment, hesitating, before the words came to him. “Soulmates are a big part of our lives. They’re the other half of our soul. Our bond doesn’t begin when we meet. We usually love our partners a long time before we meet them.”

Ino nodded, following along so far. Sure, she didn’t know a thing about her soulmate, save what her soulmark told her, but he had a special place in her heart that only grew with each spark she felt through the bond. He was one of the most important things to her in the whole world. It felt kind of strange to call it love but any other word felt short of capturing what she felt. He was essentially a stranger yet, at the same time, he was the furthest thing from it.

“Soulmates support each other throughout their whole lives,” Iruka explained. “When our soulmates feel pain, we can comfort them through our soulbonds.”

“How?” Ino asked, leaning forward a bit. She desperately wanted to. The hopelessness and agony that had rooted itself in her chest had faded but if her soulmate was still feeling anything close to it…

“Just think about how much you love them,” Iruka told her with a lopsided smile, “and how much you want to be there for him. Try to focus those feelings through your soulbond.”

Ino nodded and tried her hardest to do as her sensei instructed her. But how could she express feelings for someone she’d never met? She could imagine her soulmate and the future they’d have together but that wasn’t real. It was all in her head and all she had to go off of inspiration-wise were stories and dreams. She was still young enough to indulge in the occasional fantasy or day dream but she was also a ninja. Ninja were realists and realistically, she knew nothing about what he was like and she didn’t have a real reason to love him the way she did.

But that didn’t mean the love she had wasn’t real. It was ingrained deep into her being, as deep as the bond tying her to her partner. It was a love that made warmth hum in her chest and the corners of her mouth twitch into a smile at the mere thought of it. Love so powerful she couldn’t put it into words. She just didn’t have the vocabulary and she didn’t think the right words even existed.

It didn’t make sense but it was real. The universe, spirits, god, sages, whatever was up there- It had made a decision and it was a good one. There was no reason to believe it but Ino knew it like a universal truth. He was destined for her and she was more than happy to be destined for him. Ino loved her other half however little sense it made. She’d always wanted him to know that and maybe now she could tell him through the soulbond if she tried hard enough.

She didn’t know what he was feeling. She didn’t know what he could possibly be experiencing that would make him feel this way. She just hoped that maybe she could help, even if it was just a little bit.

“How will I know if he can feel it?” Ino asked after a while. She felt a lot better. Her breath had regulated, the dampness in her eyes had dried, and her body felt a lot less heavy than it had when she sat down.

“There’s not really any way to tell immediately,” Iruka told her, getting to his knees before standing up. He offered Ino a hand to pull her up. She accepted it and began following him back to the classroom. “Your soulmate is probably going through a lot right now and he might not know how to respond or feel ready to. But, I’ve heard that soulmates sometimes send their thanks a few weeks after something big happens and feelings start passing through the bond a bit more easily. I’m sure he’ll be sending you some happiness in no time.”

Iruka’s words were a comfort and Ino momentarily forgot her worries and skipped back to class. But weeks later when Iruka asked her if she and her soulmate were doing better, Ino couldn’t answer. There wasn’t a hint of emotion coming through the bond anymore.

_________

It was over seven years since Shin died before Sai was shirtless around anyone again.

It wasn’t really something he’d thought about. Who thought about that kind of thing? He had plenty of other things to think about. His missions, crossing faces out of his bingo books, his art… Being shirtless was such an insignificant thing in his life that he never spared it a second thought. His training had ended with his brother’s death and there wasn’t really a need for him to change clothes or go swimming with someone. And without Shin or anyone else looking at his back, he’d almost forgotten his soulmark. There were a few flashes of feeling through the bond now and again but Sai was usually too dull to notice and he usually dismissed them without question. The existence of his soulmark didn’t affect his life in the slightest.

Imagine his confusion when Naruto wouldn’t stop staring at him after Captain Yamato dumped the two of them in a hot spring together. 

“Why do you keep looking at me, dickless?” Sai asked, smiling at how Naruto’s face soured at the nickname. He’d done well choosing it. “I was under the impression you were tired of being around me.”

“I am!” Naruto snapped indignantly. He crossed his arms and was silent for a moment. When Sai didn’t say anything, he caved and explained himself. “I… I was looking for your soulmark. Do you have one?”

Sai paused for a moment before nodding. “I do.”

Naruto’s gaze softened a bit and the hostility drained off his face. “It’s on your back, isn’t it? I didn’t see anything before you got in the water.”

“Why do you care?”

“I didn’t really think about it until you came in here and I didn’t see anything on you so I thought you might be markless. It’s… I dunno, it’s harder to stay mad at you knowing you’ve got a soulmate.”

“Why?

Naruto shrugged casually. “Knowing you love someone just makes you feel more human.”

If Sai were an expressive man, he would’ve made a face. One of anger or horror, he didn’t know. Angry Sai would’ve splashed Naruto in the face with a handful of water. Horrified Sai would’ve come up with a bad excuse and hurried out of the hot spring. But Sai wasn’t an expressive man so instead, he shut his mouth and sank into the water, trying not to think about the implication of his new teammate’s words. ___________

Ino met Sai at The Barbeque Place.

The Barbeque Place wasn’t actually called The Barbeque Place. They just called it that enough that it deserved to be called The Barbeque Place with the capitalization of the title and everything. It was actually called Yakiniku Q but no one cared. Team Asuma would convince everyone it was called The Barbeque Place until the owner changed the sign or they’d die trying.

Going to The Barbeque Place was the only way to properly celebrate anything Team Asuma style. Ino, Choji, and Shikamaru had only seen Naruto a couple of times since he returned to the village so when they saw him coming back from a mission, they knew they had to grab him then or they’d never get the chance to drag him to the restaurant and welcome their friend home.

The fact they had a new teammate with them was an added bonus.

Sai seemed nice. Kind of strange though. Ino didn’t know if it was just odd having someone new on Team 7 after so long or if it was just Sai’s general personality. She supposed she liked him but if it was anyone less good looking, Ino would definitely be upset Sasuke was getting replaced.

“So you’re ANBU, right?” Shikamaru asked the newcomer when the uncooked food had arrived and the early stages of conversation were over.

“How could you tell?”

“The uniform was a bit of a giveaway.”

“Noted.”

“ANBU?” Choji echoed, looking intrigued. His brief pause was long enough for Ino to take the opportunity to swipe a couple pieces of meat off the grill and shovel them onto Sai’s plate. Apparently pausing did not mean he was distracted though. “Ino!”

“Be nice! You don’t want to scare him off with your gross manners this early, do you?”

“I guess not…” Choji mumbled sullenly. His demeanor changed again in a heartbeat when a piece of perfectly cooked meat caught his eye. He plucked it up with his chopsticks and plopped it into his mouth, chewing the slices of beef happily, anger forgotten. 

Shikamaru, always the sharp one, picked up where Choji left off before his distraction. “So what’s that like? ANBU, I mean.”

Sai smiled passively. “I don’t think it’s too different from what shinobi teams do, just more isolated and the training is more rigorous.” 

“Really?” Sakura said, half distracted by trying to nab a piece of meat before Choji got his chopsticks on it. “I don’t know a lot about ANBU, even working so close with Lady Tsunade, but I’ve heard some bad rumors over the years.”

“Eh? Really? But Kakashi-sensei always seems happy wherever he talks about it,” Naruto replied. He swiped a piece of meat off Sai’s plate and popped it into his mouth before anyone could say anything. Ino would’ve scolded him but Sai didn’t seem to care. In fact, he seemed amused. It was hard believing someone as soft-spoken and gentle as Sai was a member of ANBU.

“Kakashi-sensei is Kakashi-sensei,” Sakura responded, brushing him off. “He doesn’t tell us anything and you never know if he’s actually happy or if he just hit a juicy part of those pervy books he’s always reading.”

“Eh, good point,” Naruto conceded through a full mouth, “but now we have Sai here to tell us stuff! I bet he’s a lot easier to talk to than Kakashi-sensei.”

Sai’s face remained passive but Choji and even Shikamaru seemed interested. Noticing, Sai sighed and gave in. “What do you want to know?”

“So you said ANBU was really lonely, right?” Shikamaru said, casually taking a piece of meat. Unsurprisingly, Choji let him and didn’t protest. “What about soulmates?”

“What about them?”

“I’ve heard they don’t let people search for their soulmates,” Sakura spoke up as she put a few vegetables on the grill. “They just have to live knowing their soulmate is out there wondering where they are and why they haven’t found them yet.”

“Well I heard they don’t let ANBU have soulmates at all,” Choji said, trying to wave Sakura’s chopsticks away from the grill. “Like they burn them off or make them stay covered all the time and that kind of thing.”

“I can confirm that isn’t true,” Sai said with a smile, sounding humored. “A lot of people have soulmates. Some of the best two-man teams and small units are made of soulmates, actually. We’re just not allowed to search outside of ANBU. My instructors always said it compromises our security.”

“That’s too bad,” Naruto commented and poked Sakura’s hand with his chopsticks. She yelped and pulled her hand away, allowing Choji to successfully steer the vegetables away from the grill and put down another couple pieces of beef. “But now that you’re out of ANBU, you can look for your soulmate, right?”

Sai said nothing and shrugged half-heartedly. 

“You do want to find your soulmate, right?” Ino asked, putting down her chopsticks to look at him instead of swooping in to aid Sakura. Choji really had to eat his greens. Naruto too but it wasn’t every day her friends got a new teammate. Right now he was a bit more interesting than a poking war.

This time, Sai had a clear answer to the question. “Not particularly.” 

“How?!” Ino’s plate clattered on the table slightly. She put a hand on it to stop it from falling but she could feel herself getting even more worked up. She sensed her friends giving her confused looks at her outburst. She tried her best to ignore them. “Your soulmate- Your soulmate is the other half of your soul! Without them, you’re incomplete. How could you not want to find them?”

Again, Sai shrugged.

“I’ve just never been interested in having a romantic relationship. Or any kind of relationship,” Sai said neutrally. He smiled and this time it was kind of infuriating instead of cute. “If it happens, it happens but I don’t particularly want to seek it out.”

“Isn’t it your destiny though?” Ino pressed. “To find your true love?”

“I thought you’d given up on that stuff,” Choji commented idly as he placed some new pieces of meat on the grill, “since you haven’t felt anything through your soulbond in years.”

Something inside Ino snapped. “Well, you’re just as far behind as me, fatso!”

In hindsight, that probably wasn’t the best move but getting the restaurant destroyed by Choji’s Human Boulder was worth it to escape that conversation. _________

It was well after the war had ended by the time the village’s Intelligence Division summoned Sai to lock up the members of the Seven Swordsmen that he’d sealed. 

The village was recovering well but the months after the end of the war had been chaotic. There were far too many things more important to worry about than who’d sealed their enemies and where their bodies were so Fuguki Suikazan and Jinin Akebino’s scrolls just ended up sitting in Sai’s apartment. It was only when someone from the Third Division was retelling the war story that everyone remembered they hadn’t given the sealed bodies to the Intelligence Division. Sai hadn’t really thought it was important but apparently it was important enough for the Hokage to send Ino, Shikamaru, and Choji running to his apartment in the middle of the day to retrieve them.

“I can’t believe you had these things just lying around for a whole year. What a drag…” Shikamaru complained as the shinobi carried the two scrolls through the front doors of the Analysis Division’s building. Between the four of them, it was a bit awkward but they were managing. Sai was surprised he and Lee had been able to carry these things around on the battlefield. Right now, they seemed so heavy. “I wish I’d known Intel involved so much running around before I joined…”

“Aw, you like it,” Choji said cheerfully. It went unsaid that Ino and Shikamaru were working in the Intelligence Division because there was no one else to fill their fathers’ shoes but Sai heard it in his voice. “And all this running around gives us the chance to see our friends more often!”

“You don’t even work here. You can see our friends whenever you want!” Ino groaned as they began heading into the underground storage unit. “Slow down guys, I don’t really want to fall down the stairs in front of all these Jonin. But he’s right, Sai. It’s nice seeing you. It feels like it’s been forever.”

Sai hummed in agreement and tried his best to convey the joy he got from seeing his friends again. After seeing Shin again and mastering the Crouched Tiger Bullet, it came a lot easier to him but years of underusing his facial expressions made it less than natural. “Indeed. Where are we putting these?”

Everyone looked to Shikamaru. The boy didn’t seem fazed. “These guys are dead, right? We should transfer them to body scrolls. Easier for the Analysis Team to… analyze them or whatever whenever they decide to. You know how to use that kind of sealing, right Sai?”

Sai nodded as they reached the bottom of the stairwell. “I do.”

“Great,” Shikamaru grunted as the group reached the bottom of the stairs and dropped the heavy scrolls on the concrete floor. “Ugh, do they really need to be this big?”

“It’s a difficult sealing jutsu. It requires a lot of ink.”

“Yeah, yeah. Come on, let’s start unrolling this thing. Sai, there are some body scrolls over by the storage unit. Go grab whatever one you think will work best.”

Sai nodded and did as he was told, drifting off to the edges of the basement in search of the right tools. He wasn’t terribly experienced in any kind of sealing jutsu other than his own and he took his time finding a compatible scroll but after a couple minutes, he realized Team Asuma’s usual bickering had died down and the three had fallen into an unusual silence. Concerned, he stuck his head out of the storage area to check on them. “Are you alright?”

“Sai… Come here please,” Ino said in an unusual tone. Sai frowned. Her pale green eyes were fixed on something on the ground. Was something wrong with his seal? Had one of the Swordsmen somehow escaped? They were dead so it wouldn’t be the end of the world but it would be kind of a hassle to track down the body.

He stepped into the entry area and saw nothing out of the ordinary. One of the scrolls, Fuguki’s scroll, was unraveled, exposing the seal work and the swordsman's trapped form. Shikamaru, Ino, and Choji were just… staring at it? Sai couldn’t fathom why. Maybe they thought this method of sealing was immoral? It really wasn’t different from any other kind of sealing. Was the sight of the body on the page unsettling them?

“Sai, what is this?” Choji said in an uncharacteristically empty voice. 

Sai took a few steps to join them beside the scroll. He peered at it, trying to see anything that was out of place or didn’t belong. Fuguki was still there, held in by his sealing tiger’s sharp claws. Was his sword in there? No, no it wasn’t. They’d returned the Seven Swords to the Hidden Cloud a while ago. He remembered because that was when Choji had realized he and that girl Karui were soulmates. It’d been a whole thing. “I don’t see anything wrong.”

Ino held up her marked arm and Sai suddenly realized what was happening here.

“...Oh.”

“Oh? Oh?! That’s all you have to say?” Shikamaru practically shouted, taking an angry step toward him. “Ino- she- You saw her soulmark the day you met us. Why didn’t you say anything? Do you know how long she- Are you really that heartless?”

Sai flinched at his words. He didn’t mean to but he couldn’t help it. Regaining some level of emotion also meant losing some of his composure. He hoped the others hadn’t noticed but he wasn’t the hopeful type. “I…”

Choji put a hand on Shikamaru’s shoulder. He looked just as upset as his friend but Choji was too gentle and kind-hearted to take out his anger on anyone. And for that, Sai was eternally grateful. “Shikamaru, maybe we should go. Shouldn’t this kind of thing be between soulmates?”

Shikamaru looked like he wanted to argue but he shook himself and took a deep breath to calm down. Sai knew Shikamaru could get scary when he wanted to and hurting his friend definitely put Sai in danger of becoming a victim of his intellect. Thank the sages for Choji or Sai was fairly certain he’d have a Shadow Stitch aimed at his head right now.

“Just… Just talk to her, man,” Shikamaru sighed tiredly, sounding several times his age, and turned to head back up the stairs, Choji trailing behind him. Sai half expected him to turn around to give him some kind of warning or threat not to mess this up and hurt his teammate but he didn’t. He just kept walking until it was just him and Ino. Alone. In a basement. With a dead rogue-ninja and a tiger staring at them. Not really the best setting for a heart to heart.

The two didn’t say anything for a few minutes, just pale green eyes boring into inky black. What was there to say? What was someone supposed to say when they found their soulmate? What if it should have been obvious they were soulmates from the start and one hadn’t said anything? What was someone who never wanted a soulmate supposed to do when his soulmate so clearly longed for one? Sai had so many questions and the answers to none.

“Why didn’t you say anything?” Ino asked, breaking the silence.

“I didn’t know.”

“Don’t give me that.”

It was true, in a sense. He really didn’t know. Sai had recognized the tiger when he saw it for the first time but only in the back of his mind. He was far from a master of emotions and farther from a master of his jutsu. Was the jutsu really even his then? It didn’t feel like it so maybe he didn’t recognize the mark on Ino’s arm as his own. 

Still, it was his art style. He’d recognized it immediately and always would. His art was such a big part of him and he didn’t dream of denying it so that couldn’t have been it. And it couldn’t be his lack of emotions because he wasn’t really lacking them, they were just suppressed. As guilty as it made him feel, it was very possible the truth was just that he didn’t want a soulmate. That he didn’t want to know what the universe had planned for him when it came to love.

“It just never occurred to me.”

Sai wasn’t lying but Ino didn’t seem to believe him. No one ever believed him. Not when it came to soulmates. But he wanted Ino to understand so he tried again.

“Remember when we met? When I said I didn’t want to look for my soulmate?”

Ino snorted and put her hands on her hips. “You didn’t need to look. She was right in front of you.”

Okay, he walked right into that one. “I wasn’t thinking about that. I would’ve said that to anyone.”

“Why?” Ino asked, her voice cracking. Sai noticed for the first time that her eyes were glossy. He felt… something. He couldn’t quite identify what it was yet but he knew it was a bad feeling. He couldn’t bring himself to feel sorry though. “I’ve always wanted to meet my soulmate, even before I really understood what my mark meant. I can’t imagine not wanting to find the one person who’s meant to love you unconditionally.”

That made Sai hesitate. He’d never heard it phrased that way particularly. It was making him doubt himself. Why had she said that? She didn’t know how much Sai struggled when it came to maintaining friendships or how lonely he’d been all those years after Shin died. She had no idea how rocky his relationship with love was or how much he craved it. She couldn’t fathom how much it pained him knowing it was always out of reach. Or maybe she could, with the soulbond and all. He cleared his throat. “I’m glad I met you and if I have to have a soulmate, I’m glad it’s you.”

“If you have to have one? What, do you wish you didn’t have one?”

“Sometimes.” Ino’s face dropped but Sai recovered quickly. “I think soulmates are wonderful but I’ve just felt like they’re for me, I suppose.”

“Are you one of those people who believe we should shape our own destiny?”

“No. Yes. Maybe? I don’t know.”

Ino laughed a bit and it sounded fond rather than angry. It gave Sai a spike of confidence. He smiled bashfully. 

“My apologies. I’m not very… articulate when it comes to how I feel. I’ve really only reconnected with my emotions since the war ended,” Sai admitted. Ino opened her mouth but Sai stopped her before she could say what he knew she was going to say. “And my emotional struggles have nothing to do with how I feel about having a soulmate. I think. I remember talking about it with my brother before…”

Something flashed in Ino’s eyes. “Your brother died when you were ten?”

Sai nodded. “You felt it through the soulbond?”

“And nothing after it,” Ino replied with a nod, “until the war. Probably when you saw him again.”

Sai looked down. “...I cried. I hadn’t cried since he died the first time.”

Ino made a sympathetic noise. Sai wasn’t really sure if it made him feel comforted or patronized. Ino seemed to sense he didn’t want to talk about it and that was probably for the better. “So you’ve talked about it with him? How you feel about soulmates?”

“Having a soulmate,” Sai corrected. How he felt about soulmates versus how he felt about having a soulmate were very different. “And yes. I didn’t know I had a soulmark until he told me. But… He never really understood. He was a romantic. I don’t think he really knew that some people just weren’t like that.”

“Like what?”

Sai’s face furrowed with frustration as he tried to find words. “I… I know love. I love my brother. I love Naruto. And Sakura. And maybe Sasuke. I love Kakashi-senpai and Captain Yamato. I love my art and my books. And I love… you. And I know what I feel is real. I think I’ve always felt it, even when I thought I didn’t have emotions and before I knew you were my soulmate. I like being with you but I don’t love you like Shikamaru loves Temari or like Sakura loves Sasuke. Is that okay?”

Sai hadn’t realized he was looking down until Ino took his hands, startling him into looking up at her. She looked a bit sad but not disappointed or angry. She offered him a gentle smile. “Yeah, it’s definitely okay, Sai. I mean, this isn’t really what I expected meeting my soulmate to be like but I’m glad it’s you. I don’t think I’ll mind missing out on some romantic fantasy if it means I get to be with you. If that’s what you want.”

Slowly, Sai nodded and curled his fingers around hers. “I don’t think I’ll ever be able to give you a romantic fantasy but I hope I can still make you happy. I want to see where this goes.”

_______________

Two years passed and Ino knew she and Sai weren’t really in a relationship.

They did couples things sometimes. They went out together fairly regularly. They ate at nice restaurants and went on quiet walks through the village. Sai sometimes slept over at her house and she sometimes slept at his apartment. Sai went with her to Naruto and Hinata’s wedding. And Shikamaru and Temari’s wedding. And Sasuke and Sakura’s. And Choji and Karui’s... There was a shocking number of weddings recently.

It was never romantic though. Their “dates” often had a few tag-alongs or didn’t seem all that different from what friends normally did. Sleeping together was never anything more than sleeping. She could count the number of times they’d just shared the bed on one hand. And they never slow danced at the weddings. Their friends didn’t even acknowledge they were together. Maybe they didn’t know. Or maybe they did and just thought they were just having fun with each other until they met their real soulmates. That was a depressing thought.

Ino tried not to let it bother her. She really liked Sai, that never changed, and she enjoyed all the things they did together. It was fun. Maybe even more fun than it would be with someone else since there weren’t any expectations and there weren’t dozens of eyes watching everything they did. Still, part of her longed to have the future she’d always expected. She tried to ignore the part of her before it became too much to keep inside.

But as a clan head, she couldn’t ignore it forever.

She was in some Yamanaka-Nara-Akimichi Clan meeting when it came up. Normally these meetings were uneventful, just a bunch of clan elders hooting about babies and food or whatever, so Ino had been zoning out while they bickered and shuffled papers around the table. But with Shikamaru and Choji both married, she should have expected it.

“...so that brings us to the issue of heirs,” an elder said, snapping Ino’s attention back to the meeting.

All eyes in the room immediately fell on her. She sat up a bit straighter. “What?”

“The Nara Clan head and Akimichi Clan heir have already found their partners and are close to securing their clans’ futures,” the elder went on. Her name was… Ino wanted to say Chizo? Wait, no. That was an Akimichi name. Chizo was that one over there with her hand deep in a plate of cookies. This was a Yamanaka. What was her name? Ino couldn’t remember for the life of her. “The Yamanaka Clan on the other hand…”

“You think I can’t lead the clan on my own?”

Another elder made a noncomitmental noise. This one’s name was Ezume, Ino was pretty sure. Or maybe Ezuko? Either way, he was a Nara. She knew that much. By the sages, she really should know her own clan elders’ names. She’d known them all her life. How was she this bad with names? It was like she’d gotten worse over the years. “We know your capabilities, Ino, but every clan head must have a husband or wife to help shoulder the responsibilities of leading the clan and bring life to the next generation.”

Ino could practically feel Shikamaru and Choji making faces behind her. The elders were trying to be nice about it but they were basically telling them their wives only mattered to bear children for them and keep some stress off their shoulders. If the clans’ stability didn’t rely on the elders so much, Ino would’ve dragged Temari and Karui in here to speak their minds and slap some sense into them years ago.

The Yamanaka elder was speaking again. Ino wanted to say her name was Fumiko but she was pretty sure she was just thinking about her cousin Fū. They looked kind of similar. What ever happened to him? She hadn’t seen him in years. “You’ve had plenty of time to search for your soulmate. If you haven’t found him, we will choose-”

“Ino’s found her soulmate,” Shikamaru interrupted. His voice dull and bored but his eyes were sharp and telling. Ino wanted to punch him but he was out of reach and she didn’t think the elders would appreciate it much.

“Oh?” the elder, Chizo this time, said, looking interested.

“I’ve heard nothing of this,” another Yamanaka spoke up, sounding annoyed. This one was named Haneen, or at least Ino was pretty sure. Close enough. Ino would consider that a win if she wasn’t struggling to think of a response.

“Uh…”

The elders looked displeased. “Why have we heard nothing of this?”

“Um…. 

Ino looked to Shikamaru and Choji for help but they were already making a break for the door, the traitorous bastards. She turned back to the elders’ angry faces, swallowed away her uneasiness, and steeled herself for the inevitable discomfort that was coming her way. ___________________

Sai was coming back from a mission with Naruto, Sakura, Sasuke, Kakashi and Yamato when he saw Shikamaru and Choji barreling towards him with panic on their faces.

“We didn’t do it!” Naruto yelped immediately, practically springing away from them. “Tell Granny Tsunade it was just part of the mission!”

The two skidded to a stop and Naruto was met with confusion. “What?” 

“...Are you not coming from the Hokage’s office?”

“...No? We were just at a clan meeting. What were you doing?”

“Nothing!”

Sasuke shook his head and sighed while Sakura pinched her brow in exasperation. Sai and Yamato glanced at Kakashi then shared a deadpan look. Naruto really was an idiot sometimes. The Sixth Hokage was standing right next to them. Tsunade was finding out no matter what Shikamaru and Choji heard from them.

Sakura, always the most polite of the bunch, offered Shikamaru and Choji a smile. “Ignore them. Did you need us for something? Do I need to be at the hospital? Or did Kakashi-sensei lose some important paperwork again?”

“If it was really important they wouldn’t let me lose it,” Kakashi piped up lazily.

“We actually came here for Sai,” Choji spoke up. For once, he didn’t have his trusty bag of potato chips in hand. And Ino wasn’t there. That was concerning.

“Is something wrong?”

“Kind of,” Shikamaru said, looking a bit guilty as he scratched the back of his head. “So… I may or may not have told our clan elders that you and Ino are soulmates and they may or may not start harassing you about marrying her.”

Shikamaru spoke quickly and quietly and it took Sai a moment to realize what he was saying. Naruto, Sasuke, and Sakura, however, didn’t seem to have the same problem.

“You and Ino are soulmates?!” the three screeched in unison.

“I… Yes?” Sai’s head swiveled to look at them in surprise. “You didn’t know?”

“How would we know?” Sakura asked. “Neither of you ever told us!”

“You’ve seen both our soulmarks.”

“Soulmarks are confusing!” Naruto exclaimed and Sai realized he probably should’ve known better than to expect Naruto to connect the dots. He and Hinata practically had the same soulmark, just in different colors, and it’d still taken them years to figure it out.

“We went together to your weddings.”

“I thought you two were just going as friends,” Sasuke admitted and he wasn’t exactly wrong. 

That made Sai hesitate. Were they friends? Or were they dating? How was he supposed to remember where they’d been in the relationship all that time ago?

“I’ve spent so much time with just the two of you,” Sakura said. “Are you saying I was third-wheeling on your dates?”

“I mean… No?”

“Wait, Ino’s soulmark is on her arm. Did you know since you met her after our first mission? Have you been dating since then?”

“No.” That was a question Sai could answer confidently. Kind of. Oh by the sages, he really didn’t know what he and Ino were doing, was he?

Sasuke opened his mouth to continue pressing him but Kakashi put a hand on his shoulder, stopping him before he could begin. “You five run along. I’d like to talk to Sai alone. Yamato, make sure they don’t destroy anything. Any more than it’s already been destroyed, at least.”

“No promises,” Yamato said drily and began ushering the younger ninja away from the former ANBU. “Come on, let’s get something to eat.”

“I want ramen!”

“I want barbecue!”

“Ramen!”

“Barbecue!” 

“That’s literally all we eat! Can’t you two pick something else?”

Sai watched the group walk away, bickering until they were out of sight, before turning his attention back to Kakashi. The man was watching him with a peculiar look in his eye that Sai didn’t understand. He waited for him to say something but Kakashi remained silent and the seconds soon stretched into minutes.

“Let’s take a walk,” Kakashi said eventually and Body Flickered onto the rooftops. Sai followed him without missing a beat.

“Why did you want to talk to me, senpai?” Sai said once it became clear Kakashi wasn’t going to say something first.

“You looked stressed when Shikamaru said the clan might suggest you and Ino getting married. It takes a lot to get a reaction out of you,” Kakashi said nonchalantly. “I just want you to know you can talk to me if you need someone.”

“I don’t know if there’s really anything to say.” That wasn’t really true but after explaining himself to Shin, and his teammates, and Ino, and Ino’s teammates, Sai had accepted he didn’t really have the vocabulary to express how he felt. But it never stopped him from trying. “I’ve never wanted romance. I like what I have with Ino but it isn’t romance. Everyone expects us to… be like every other soulmate. Be in love, get married, have kids. I’m not really opposed to marrying her but I don’t really want to. The only reason we would is for clan politics. Marriage is supposed to be this ceremony of love and I just don’t… I don’t really feel what everyone else is feeling.”

“Because of your time in ROOT?”

That question was expected but Sai tried not to let it bother him. He was not successful. “I don’t know. Maybe but I don’t think so.”

“Is it a lack of attraction?”

“What?” 

That was such a strange question but Kakashi didn’t really seem to understand Sai’s confusion. “Is it a lack of attraction?”

“I don’t… I suppose she’s attractive.” Sai never really thought about her that way but he knew other people thought she was. He’d been hearing it for so long that he believed it. But were those his own feelings or just the influence of others? He remembered wanting to call her ugly when they met but he thought everyone was ugly so he’d called her gorgeous because he thought she’d like it. And he just kept doing it. He’d done it so much that it’d just stuck with him and he’d forgotten the origin of the nickname. By the sages, was every compliment he’d given her the offspring of a lie?

Surprisingly, a look of understanding spread across Kakashi’s masked features. “So you aren’t attracted to her?”

“I just said she’s attractive.”

“That isn’t the same as being attracted to her.”

“What’s the difference?”

“A few years ago, Master Jiraiya gave me this book he’d written that was rejected by his publishers,” Kakashi began and Sai didn’t really know where he was going with this. “You know he writes romances, right? Well, he got this piece of criticism that said if you’re going to write about love and relationships, you need to understand that it’s not all romantic. Or sexual. You can imagine how confused Jiraiya was.”

Sai was kind of lost but he nodded along anyway.

“So he did some research. And not the kind of research he normally does. He actually talked to anthropologists and professors from different nations, I think. He wrote a character that didn’t experience romantic or sexual attraction. She still knew love and could appreciate a pretty face but she knew she wasn’t quite experiencing what everyone else was feeling.” Kakashi paused. “The word for not experiencing romantic attraction is aromantic. The word for not experiencing sexual attraction is asexual. They’re not really common words, it took Jiraiya a long time to come across them, so I wouldn’t be surprised if you hadn’t heard them…”

Kakashi trailed off and Sai’s brain tried to catch up. Sexual attraction? Romantic attraction? They were different? Romantic feelings were supposed to be connected by some kind of desire? Desire to do what? That just sounded really weird. Sai had never heard someone phrase it that way yet it made sense in the most confusing way. “So… wanting to have a romantic relationship has to do with attraction?”

Kakashi shrugged. “Beats me. I’ve never felt that way. I didn’t actually know I’m asexual or aromantic until I read the book and I saw myself in that character.”

“You’re like me?” Sai said in surprise. Almost instantly, his world felt a bit brighter. Like everything was grey and he was seeing color for the first time.

Kakashi nodded. “You know Guy’s my soulmate?”

“Really?” That was actually really shocking but both men covered themselves at pretty much all times, leaving no room for a soulmark to peak out, so there was no way Sai ever would’ve seen either of their soulmarks. Maybe there was a reason for that. Probably not. “I thought you two were just friends.”

“We are, in a way, but we’re also more than that,” Kakashi said, slowing down a bit to try to find the right words. “Guy and I tried to have a relationship when we realized we’re soulmates but it didn’t really work. Guy prefers women and I’m not even sure if he likes men like that. We haven’t talked about it in awhile. And I never really liked anyone that way. But once I heard the words aromantic and asexual, I felt whole. Like I could explain my feelings and I wasn’t missing anything. I didn’t feel broken anymore. After I told him, it was like everything started making sense.”

“Are you two still together?”

Kakashi nodded. “Things got a lot easier when we gave up… The word Jiraiya used in his notes was amatonormativity. That’s kind of like, um, the belief that romantic and sexual relationships are the peak of human experience and everyone should prioritize those kinds of relationships over everything else. You and Ino don’t have to do what our society expects you to do. You can just do whatever feels right.”

Sai nodded slowly. Ino had mentioned once that it felt freeing to not necessarily follow the traditional route of dating but they’d still always felt that pressure to act like a couple. It felt like a huge weight being lifted off his chest to hear that it was okay to do just be. And the fact someone he knew and respected thought it was normal and even encouraged it was priceless.

He opened his mouth to thank the other man but his throat suddenly swelled shut and all that came out was a choking noise. It surprised him, he’d never felt enough emotion for him to be rendered unable to speak. Kakashi looked surprised as well but his eyes soon crinkled with fondness. 

“Go to her, Sai.”

Sai was already moving.

____________________

Ino wasn’t expecting to find Sai waiting at her front door when she got home from getting drilled by her elders at the clan meeting.

It looked like he’d been there for awhile. He’d taken out a piece of charcoal and began doodling on her doorstep. It was rather beautiful but she knew she’d have to hose it off sooner or later unless she wanted dusty footprints tracked through her house. He seems pretty focused on his drawing but not enough that he didn’t jump up in surprise at the sound of his soulmate approaching.

“We don’t have to get married!” he blurted out upon her arrival. The piece of charcoal fell out of his hand and cracked on the cement.

“Um, okay,” Ino said slowly. “Really weird thing to say at the beginning of a conversation, Sai, but okay…”

Sai at least had the decency to look a bit embarrassed and hurried to explain himself. “Shikamaru and Choji told you about your meeting.”

“Oh.” Ino felt the muscles in her shoulders tense up. By the sages, that meeting really had been hell. “And…?”

“Apparently my teammates didn’t know we were soulmates. Sakura might be coming here to yell at you soon, by the way,” Sai told her and it took Ino a moment to fully process what he was saying. Had they really not known? Sakura was her best friend. Ino talked to her about Sai all the time. And Naruto had seemed pretty happy when they told him they were going to his wedding together. And Sasuke had a Sharingan for crying out loud! He really should’ve noticed. Sai didn’t really seem concerned about it though. “But that’s not important. I talked with Kakashi and…”

Sai cut himself off, his excitement fading as doubt overtook him. Ino took his hands, ignoring all the charcoal dust on them, and offered an encouraging smile. “And?”

“I think… I think I’m aromantic. And asexual,” Sai told her and he smiled. It wasn’t his usual awkward smile though. He looked genuinely relieved and maybe even a little bit happy. “Apparently some people don’t have romantic feelings at all. There’s a word for it. Aromantic. I think- I think that’s me. I still care about you and I like being with you but Kakashi told me being aromantic is normal and it doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with me or that the universe made a mistake making us soulmates. It just means we can- We can just be us. Sai and Ino. And Sai and Ino don’t have to listen to anything anyone tells us to do. And that means we don’t have to get married. Unless you want to…?”

Ino watched Sai’s face carefully as it flashed between excitement, awkwardness, nervousness, and joy. She’d never seen him express so many feelings, let alone all together in such a short period of time. It was cute. And endearing. Especially when he stumbled over his words like this. By the sages, she loved him. And now she knew he loved her, even if it wasn’t the way she loved him. She was okay with that though. She was definitely okay with that. “Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Screw tradition. Forget the clan,” Ino said, breaking into a smile as she put her arms around Sai’s shoulders so she could look up into his eyes. “I like what we have. I don’t care if it’s not what I thought I’d grow up to have or if it’s not what my family wants for me. I just want to be with you and it doesn’t matter if we’re friends, lovers, neither, or something between.”

Sai’s smile grew and he just looked so happy. “We’re soulmates.”

“Yeah. That’s what we are. We’re soulmates.”

More AroWriMo Fics By Me, Posted on Ao3, Posted on FFN

[fifi-uchiha]

He Wasn’t There (2/?)

Don’t read if you can’t deal with sexual abuse! Part 1: https://fifi-uchiha.tumblr.com/post/170476061649/he-wasnt-there

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“What do you mean, he hasn’t answered yet?” Those were the few times in which Hatake Kakashi felt something similar to... rage. The silver haired jonin could not understand why his former student was still absent and Kakashi knew Sasuke well enough to know that he’d die for Sakura in a heartbeat. So why didn’t he send a hawk after receiving that letter from Naruto? What was going on, how could he take so damn long to answer?! “I mean what I said, dattebayo. I didn’t get a message. I have no idea where that bastard is nor do I know how he reacted to the latest news!” Naruto sounded uncharacteristically desperate because he just didn’t understand how everything turned out so goddamned messed up! “Kakashi Sensei, I know him better than myself! He wouldn’t just ignore a message from us, Sasuke would never stay away if Sakura-chan’s life were endangered-” “Then why isn’t he here?”, Kakashi asked a bit too fiercely. “I know how important that mission is, Naruto, but I always thought that his family would be his first and most important priority...” “It is! Kakashi Sensei, Sarada-chan and Sakura-chan are both his life! That bastard would NEVER abandon them, I swear!” Naruto would never forget how he left the village after he spent time with 12 year old Sarada and Sakura-chan. . . . “Dobe.” As always, his voice showed little emotion and a normal person would never be able to see the deep connection that hold Team 7 together. They were family, more so even, that’s why Sasuke never had to be over dramatically sweet or something. “I swear to god, if you call me that again, I will rip out your chicken ass hair, dattebayo!” Sasuke payed little attention to his idiotic outburst and kept on talking as if nothing happened. “Take care of them.”, he just said without looking the hokage in the eye. “You and Kakashi… You’re the only ones I trust.” His voice was prompt, serious and held a little softness with it which could only be recognized by his comrades. “This is the last time I’m asking you to watch over them, Naruto. Next time I come back, it will be for good and I will stay forever.” Processing those blunt but honest words, Naruto smiled, being more than happy to  hear that for it was always his dream to life a life with his comrades by his side. Sasuke -even if he barely showed his feelings- hated leaving his family behind but after being too lazy for too many months he knew that the time had come to leave and finish his mission. Even if it would take years again, he would return eventually and stay with his wife and child. And the sooner he went off, he sooner he’d get back. Sasuke couldn’t wait to come back, so much Naruto knew. “Don’t worry. Under my care, nobody will get hurt, dattebayo! I will protect Sarada-chan and Sakura-chan with my life!” “Sakura is fully capable of protecting her.”, the black haired Uchiha said, his dark, obviously worried eyes looking to an unknown distance. “Sarada is save with her. No matter what, Sakura would never let her get hurt.” There was so much trust in his tone that it almost surprised Naruto for he still wasn’t used to Sasuke’s and Sakura’s intimate relationship. They barely showed too much affection in public nor did they use soft, loving words but Naruto knew that their relationship must be one hell of intense when they were alone. “Naruto. I want you to keep an eye on our annoying, overworking and ridiculously selfless comrade.” What sounded like a harsh demand was actually Sasuke’s way of pleading and Naruto didn’t need a second to think about his answer. “Don’t worry about her safety. Sakura-chan is my best friend and the worst thing that could happen is that she could collapse after a shift in the hospital, dattebayo!” “Hn. She really is too reckless sometimes.”, the Uchiha commented disapprovingly. “But I will make sure to fix her way of working after I finished this mission.” That definitely was a promise he would keep, Naruto was sure of it. “Well, Ino tried to lock her up once but it turned out that Sakura broke down a whole wall to get out. Damn, that was amazing! Scary… but definitely amazing!”

“Tche. I have my ways to convince her.” A little, devilish smirk touched his lips an immediately, Naruto started to shriek like a girl and made choking noises after realizing what he just implied. “Teme! I do NOT want to know ANYTHING about anything that involves you two fucking each others BRAINS OUT!” “Shut up, Usuratonkachi!” . . . “He loves her, Kakashi Sensei! Sasuke-teme would never abandon them!” “I understand you, Naruto, but it’s pretty hard to believe that when I look at my broken, traumatized student who has to suffer without having her husband by her side.” Kakashi was blunt and honest as always, too honest for Naruto, really. “However, I will take charge of the investigations.”, the jonin said, looking more serious than ever. “Whoever did this to her, I will find him and… make him regret.” Actually, Kakashi Hatake wasn’t known to be overly brutal or harsh but he was kinda sensitive when someone dared to hurt his team. And his wasn’t simply ‘hurting’ his former student. No, someone who was more than powerful was able to do the unthinkable to Uchiha Sakura and the jonin would make sure that the culprit would get his punishment. Even Ibiki’s torture methods wouldn’t stand a chance against his own ways of interrogation. “Alright.”, the seventh hokage replied, his blue eyes full of sorrow and worry. “I’ll visit Sakura-chan today. Maybe… she’s ready to talk to us and-” “Don’t go in there alone, Naruto.”, Kakashi interrupted him. “Best friend or not, you are a man. I knew plenty of women who suffered the same fate and a few of them weren’t even able to face their own brothers and fathers after… that.” Kakashi’s chest twitched at the mere thought. Never in his life would he have imagined that he wouldn’t be able to visit his traumatized student to be there for her only because… he was a man. His little, sweet, crazy ex-student wouldn’t want to see him because of that fact and it hurt Kakashi. It really hurt to experience something as horrible as that. “I-” Naruto choked after he processed the sixth hokage’s words. “I’ll take Ino with me...” Naruto got up, looking mortified and sad as he walked to the door, knowing that it would hurt even more if he saw Sakura-chan like that again. But he had to suffer for her. They were best friends and not even the devil himself would keep him from visiting his pink haired, energetic, hot tempered comrade. But to be honest… Naruto would rather fight the devil instead of facing her. Because Naruto knew he failed miserably for he broke his promise in the most horrible way. Things would probably never go back to the way it was before… . . . ..……………………………………....………………………. “How do you feel?” Ino sat right next to her best friend, her blue eyes full of sadness and worry for Sakura. The medic-nin looked like a whole different person even though she didn’t show any changes physically. It was her eyes that made the blonde kunoichi worry. Her eyes lost that special, green spark- There was no joy, no happiness, no determination- Nothing. Ino saw nothing in those once energetic, sparkling eyes but heavy emptiness. Dead. Sakura looked dead, absolutely lifeless and empty. “Sakura… Something’s wrong with your chakra.”, she started to get Sakura to speak up. “Listen to me. I know you were hurt and I know… that you suffer. But your chakra is spinning like crazy and if we don’t know what happened, we won’t be able to help you.” Still no answer. Sakura just sat on her bed and looked at the wall in front of her, no showing one single expression. “I think your opponent used a jutsu to do something to you..! Sakura, please, I’m your best friend, you can trust me-” “Mama!” It were Sarada and Naruto who suddenly showed up and while the young Uchiha girl hurried to her mothers side, the hokage looked kind of unsure. Naruto hesitated, remembering Kakashi Senseis painful but true words. “Mama… How are you? Do you feel too much pain? Do you need fresh air?” “Sarada...” Again, it was her beloved daughters name that Sakura whispered and Ino could see her eyes getting wet immediately. “Yes? Do you need something?”, she asked in a hurried voice. “Don’t worry about your daughter, Sakura-chan! Sarada-chan stays with us and she liked it, am I right?” Even if he tried, Naruto didn’t sound as cheerful as he actually wanted but he couldn’t help it. Looking at Sakura-chan’s beaten, bruised and weak body made his insides squirm, the hokage felt like he was out of oxygen. “Sarada..?” Green, dull eyes were looking at the 14 year old Uchiha who almost shivered by the way her mother looked at her. The next words hit Sarada like a train for she had not expected to hear something like that from the medical ninja. “Would… Would it be okay if we… moved out?” Ino and Naruto let out a shocked breath as they watched mother and daughter during Sakura’s weakest moments of pain and agony. Both of them knew what exactly the pinkette meant but they just couldn’t believe what they heard. It seemed so impossible and unreal to them, however, this was reality. Harsh, painful reality. Sarada was aware of what her mom tried to ask her. Would it be okay if we lived in another house… without your papa? To be honest, Sarada couldn’t describe the feelings that were consuming her. Fear, shock, hesitation, rage, sadness… and pure understanding. Yes, she was angry at her father who still didn’t come back from his mission, however, she didn’t want their parents to divorce… Maybe one little part of her wanted that but it was far to complicated to explain. She knew that her mother deserved much better. She deserved a life full of happiness with a husband who would stay by her side and show his live with no hesitation. But like she said, it was too complicated to explain. “Yes.”, she still answered. Sarada was no naive, ordinary child. The young chunin was aware that her mother loved her father very much… maybe even too much. However, whatever happened to her seemed to have changed her mama. It was more than obvious that she wasn’t able to live with her husband any longer because sometimes love wasn’t enough. “Yes… Mama, you don’t have to think that I wouldn’t support you!”, Sarada stressed and held the pinkette’s hand in a firm but soft grip. “We’re a team, remember? Whatever happened to you, I will help you get better. Mama, I would never leave you, I swear!” Sarada was not the kind of girl who used sweet words for anyone or anything, really, but Uchiha Sakura was her mother. She was the person who raised and loved her from the very beginning, she was the person who taught Sarada how to love. So how could she possibly leave her mother? “Don’t you think it would be more convenient if you both stayed at my house? I mean, we could have lots of fun together! With Sai and Inojin in the house, I’m clearly outnumbered and I definitely need girls by my side!” Ino would not leave her friend alone, Sakura was psychologically not able to cope with those last incidents. “Thank you, Ino. But… I just want to… stay with Sarada.” “But you can stay with us, Ino-san!”, the 14 year old kunoichi ensured, feeling that her mothers best friend would be able to help her coming back to her senses again. “Uh… Yeah, sure! I mean, it’s been so long since we three had a girls night, don’t you think?” “Hey, can I come, too?”, Naruto asked and got an unpleasant look from the blonde medic. “I said ‘girls night’, Naruto.”, she deadpanned matter-of-factly. “Are you a girl or was there something you were hiding from us?” “Well, If it’s a girl you want...” His sneaky grin was evil, the corners of his moth almost reaching his ears when he crossed index- and middle finger for his well known jutsu. “Oiroke no jutsu!” A second and a load of smoke later, a ridiculously attractive, barely clothed woman appeared, smiling seductively at his female friends. “...then it’s a girl you’ll get! One hell of a girl, dattebayo!” Sarada looked kind of… shocked because she now realized where that baka Boruto got that idiotic idea to consider this even more idiotic jutsu as a real fighting technique. If her mother weren’t so hurt and sick, she would’ve felt so much disappointment for the nan-daime but she would talk to uncle Naruto later about it. “Would you cut that shit out? My daughter is right here, baka Naruto!” Ino, Sarada and Naruto let out a more than surprised breath when the pink haired medic-nin suddenly shouted at him. Sure, her voice was still raspy and Naruto knew that this was a result from… screaming too much. Never in his life had the fox ninja witnessed that Sakura would be out of voice because of a horrible fight she’d lost… Her form still looked fragile and weak and her beautiful green eyes would need very much time to sparkle again, so much he knew. But at least she started talking. As long as Sakura would talk, Naruto would help her get better and even if the beautiful medical ninja could never be the same, he would be there. “I’m sorry, Sakura-chan. But I want to be a part of your three-woman-army!” With his horrible feelings of guilt and hatred for himself, Uzumaki Naruto would try to be the one who’d make her be happy again. He would talk to her, he would be there for her, he would even smile so she would feel at least a little better. And one day, Sakura would be able to talk about that fateful day. One day, she would trust her friend and tell him everything. And one day, Sasuke… will come back. Naruto believed in him. He had to because if he didn’t believe in Sasuke Uchiha… Then who would? . . . “Whatcha doin’, Sarada?” The fourteen year old was just carrying the last boxes into her new home. Uncle Naruto, Sai-san, Ino-san, Kakashi Sensei and Lee-san volunteered to help them out, so they would surprise the medic who was still hospitalized for at least three days. She got up early today to finish her duties, making sure to take all her and Mama’s stuff from her old home and yes, the young girl shed uncountable tears while doing so. Seeing their family photo hurt. Mama was smiling her most beautiful smile, looking full of joy and happiness while Papa’s lips formed a rather warm, soft and relaxed smile with eyes looking so… peaceful. Yeah, her father looked incredibly peaceful and Sarada wondered why she’d never noticed before. But then again, she was only 12 years old. Now, 15 months later, she was far more attentive and smart and noticing that immense happiness she felt even more terrible. Sadness, anger, betrayal… So many feelings made her chest hurt and like so many times before, Sarada asked herself why her parents were even married. Or why her dad wouldn’t come back to hunt that bastard down who hurt Mama and rip him to shreds. Because she would. Sarada would find him and drown him in his own blood. “Kachan was worried when you suddenly took off. You can’t just leave like that, do you have any idea how afraid mom and dad were?”, Boruto scolded her which felt a little weird because it was always his female teammate who scolded him to death. “That’s right. We were worried.”, Mitsukis calm, collected voice said. “Konohamaru Sensei almost cried, you know. I think you should apologize to him.” “I’m just trying to decorate my new home as you can see!” Her sudden snap startled Boruto and Mitsuki for it was not like Sarada to bust out like that. Sarada’s back was facing them, she didn’t even turn around to look them in the eye. “The heck? We were all looking for you and now you shout at us? Do you think that’s fair?!” “I never asked you to look for me!”, she hissed in a hurried voice. “As you can both see, I’m just renovating my new home! So stop bickering about my absence!” “We were WORRIED!” “NO NEED TO!” Mitsuki just looked from one side to the other, finding himself in his used position to watch his comrades bicker. But… No, this wasn’t just bickering. Sarada seemed really upset and Boruto angry. His friends bickered pretty often, yes, but… this was an argument. A real verbal fight. “Would you at least turn the fuck around?! Damn it, Sarada, we were afraid that this guy would hurt you, too!” “Guys, we should all calm down...-” “I am BUSY! Boruto, I don’t have time for you and your idiotic reproaches! Get lost and leave me alone like-” Like Papa. Just like Papa left Mama and her. “Okay, that’s it!” “Boruto, don’t-” Mitsuki was too late for Boruto finally snapped, grabbed her right upper arm and forced her not too gently to turn around and at least look him in the eye. But when he looked at her, his breath hitched and his heart pumped against his chest. Looking at him were eyes redder than blood, with tomoes spinning like crazy. Her mouth was a pressed line, her jaw hardened and… her cheeks wet. Sarada’s red eyes were drowning in wet, flowing tears and both, Mitsuki and Boruto thought that she was suffering like she was being tortured. Yes, Sarada looked very angry and upset at Boruto but she was crying. Never before had Mitsuki or Boruto seen Uchiha Sarada shed tears. Happy tears maybe… but not this. Not like that. “Sarada...” “I just wanted to decorate our new home! Someone HAS to do it!”, she spat with shaking voice and flowing tears. “I would’ve asked my dad to do it but as you both know, he isn’t HERE!” It was at this moment when Uchiha Sarada lost it and had her very first brake down. “Oi… Sara-!” Holding her tightly, Boruto felt lost and horrible when she started sobbing uncontrollably, her small body shaking like crazy. Nervousness and absolute horror was written in the Uzumaki’s eyes when Mitsuki suddenly stood right next to them and put a hand on her back. Never in his life would Boruto have imagined to see his female comrade so broken, never would he have guessed how much she suffered… “You don’t have to cry. Your family will be okay again, Sarada...” Mitsuki didn’t quite know how to deal with such a delicate situation and simply acted on instinct, hoping it would help Sarada for he found out that he hated it when she cried. Es wasn’t used to seeing er like this and he did not enjoy this at all- He’d rather have Sarada scold the Uzumaki or just tease him like no one else could. “No… No, we won’t be okay, Mitsuki..!”, she sobbed, breaking even more with each passing minute. “He didn’t come back! Even though he KNOWS that there is someone out there who was able to defeat and hurt Mama terribly, even though he KNOWS that Mama is very sick right know!” “My mom… Something horrible happened to her and she won’t tell me what. She’s changed, guys, she’s changed a lot… I don’t know how I can help her, without Papa I can’t do anything!” “No, you help your mother by simply being there.”, Mitsuke told her in a calm, warm voice. “There’s no need for you to feel so upset. I’m sure you guys will get through this in no time. You just have to be patient.” “He’s right, dattebasa!”, Boruto agreed and patted the back of the girl in his arms. “Sasuke-ojisan will come back, there’s no way he’d leave you.”, he continued. “Your mom is tough and so are you and there is no way that anyone can really screw with you two. Sakura-nechan didn’t lose the fight, by the way. She was injured, yes, but we don’t know what happened to that bastard that attacked her. Come on, now please stop crying, Sarada...” And really, the Uchiha girl finally was able to calm down. Her teammates just stayed with her, not allowing her to be alone and have another breakdown because after two years of deep friendship, there was nothing new Team 7 wouldn’t do for each other. “Come on, you guys. Lets finish this and make Sakura-san happy, yeah?”, Mitsuki suddenly broke the silence, having the feeling that this would cheer her up even more. “As far I can see, Sarada’s fashion sense is kind of… grotesque.” Too shocked and offended by his words, Sarada pouted, looking rather annoyed at Mitsuki’s friendly, mean remark who just smiled at her. “Wow.”, she said with her strong voice, drying her tears with her Sleeve. “You really know how to cheer someone up, don’t you?” Mitsuki’s smile grew wider hat her little smirk, knowing that there was no reason to worry anymore. “I do, actually. But there’s one thing I still don’t quite manage to understand.”, he said whereas Sarada and Boruto blinked at him, looking more than confused? “And what would that be, Mitsuki?”, the blonde chunin asked as his friend’s grin became teasing. “Why are you still holding her? You guys look like a couple in love.” Sarada blinked once, twice, thrice and suddenly realized that her idiotic comrade was indeed still holding her which was why she let got of his shirt she was clawing before. “You won’t tell anyone, right?”, Sarada asked him a little unsure. “I would never tell anyone about anything involving your or Boruto’s personal problems.” Both of them sighed in relieve, however, when Mitsuki patted their shoulders, they knew he was up to something. “But I definitely will tell Chocho about how close you’ve gotten...” “MITSUKIIIIII!” Sarada and Boruto ran after him with the attempt to catch the wind-style user and force him to stay quite and while doing so, the black haired kunoichi smiled with herself for she was so thankful to have comrades like them. Sure, family was the most important part in her life, but sometimes, teammates can be just es close as family. That’s what Mama has taught her after all… . . . :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: Sooo, this is part two of my new fanfic that I wrote… kinda out of the blue, actually. I don’t even think it’ll be that long. Like I said, I just want to boost my English knowledge ^^

And guys, I know that there are a few people who don’t like stories like that and I understand. It’s okay, you don’t have to like my fanfics at all, even if you follow me. I won’t hold it against you, okay? BUT you guys should all know that I will block every hater who wants to act like one tough internet-gangster. Criticize me like an adult without using improper language. Not only don’t I give a shit about critics like that, there also WILL be one hell of a backfire which I really want to avoid. So, I hope you liked it! Have a great day/night and good look with enduring this week. I’ll have an exam on Thursday so… Wish me luck, yeah? :D with love fifi-uchiha! Part 3 https://fifi-uchiha.tumblr.com/post/170697283709/he-wasnt-there-3

[ombreecha]

The Uchiha’s Wife

FF.NET Fandom: Naruto Pairing: SasuSaku Rating: M Summary: She was an otherworldly being of healing. An absolute nymph of spring. He was an otherworldly being of destruction. An absolute god of war. In a world where war makes him death, and chaos she will be the life, and love his people will talk of for years to come. AU x Warring States Period. 

Chapter 10 The Mother & Father

There was reluctance in letting her pass through his gates without his protection. It had caused words to lump within his throat wishing to remove the approval he had given. He knows he cannot take this from her, and it’s only with the control he has learned to maintain throughout his years upon the earth that he keeps his thoughts from entering the air around them. He cannot allow his selfishness to get in the way. Her viridian had showed her joy at being picked, and who was he to ruin that joy? Who was he to give into the paranoia of her leaving his side?

Days into her leaving he feels his home becoming far too quiet with her no longer consistent presence. The silence has nothing to do with the loss of her chatter—she was loud in an entirely different way. Everything about her drew you to her. She could not be missed. She could not be silenced in presence alone. All of her called out to anyone who stood before her.

There is chiding within his mind that her leaving was no different than her medic relief—except she only had one Uchiha guarding her as she walked outside his walls now.

There is no camp filled with allies, and brothers-in-arms to protect her. He could not give her more with the battles that shook the world outside their home.

He would not allow himself to give into the thoughts that threaten him within. She had left calm and drenched in joy. She did not leave his side thick within disdain. She had not left his side filled with anguish. Their marriage was far from recovered and far from being what it should have been—no, what it could have been—but there would be time to build it to that state. Time would still allow him such things when the moment was right.

Shisui would protect her so that he could have those moments.

The hawk he sends forth from within his garden sends but a simple reply. Madara has called for him, and he is all to certain he knows what matter is to be discussed. He had blatantly disobeyed him in bedding the Uchiha woman—he had reprimanded, he had placed his wife before her, and he had attacked her in his demands for an apology no less. There would be punishment. He would accept it on behalf of himself, and his wife. She had continued forward, and she had swallowed herself for him. He would do so for her just as she had done for him. It would be another apology. It would be silent. It would be unheard. It would be unspoken, but it would be there within himself.

The hours that countdown his leave are barely felt, and the sleep he had managed to succumb to leaves just as fast. His bags are handle by maids and there’s a hint of longing within him as he wraps the bandages on his arms. It seeks to remind him she has left days prior. Careful soft fingers are not there to bring them around his knuckles. There’s no catching the hum that escapes him, and it’s as he heads for the gates that he catches himself noting her missing in wishing him safe travel.

There’s no denying how much she had become a part of his world. All of these things are small, but they're significant no less.

Only one of his best men comes to travel beside him leaving their home behind to attend to Madara’s call. He could only give her one to seek to her safety in travel and he would not grant himself anymore than he had granted her. She is traveling so much further than he is. He is but a day and a half from his destination. There is no doubt she should almost be within the gates of Konohagakure as he stepped foot within Madara’s home.

The sound of their feet hitting upon thick branches sets an even pace. The sun that had barely rose to wish them off only seeks to rise higher and light the way. This shinobi speaks with hope, and with underlying fears. It’s filled with the smallest desires. He is not one to truly join in but shares his own chuckle within the joke that spills out next. These moments are just as with his wife—small but no less significant.

They are a reminder and a sound one at that. This is what he fights for. He fights for their peace and for their clan. Ideology paints it as so much more. It paints it red and caked with dirt. It paints it as power verse love. It paints it into something so much darker and complex than it ever should have been. It was no doubt smaller when you got to its core, and dig through the layers of paint that have built up in these long ten years.

The home of their leader is large, and immaculate beyond conception following the traditional style they all modeled and practiced. The maid who greets them welcomes them with ease as they lower their hoods upon their shoulders. The cold no longer chills their faces, fingers, and bones as they are lead down the hall and into the room that holds Madara and his brother. They conversing only lowering their already hushed voices as they trail in.

Others sit within the room their presence unexpected but not unwelcome. Perhaps this meeting had not been as he believed. Perhaps the punishment he had willingly walked into was not meant to come.

It thickens the air with a touch of uncertainty and a chaste kiss of hesitation follows. Izuna casts a fleeting look his way before welcoming them. There is the idle chatter that comes as they stand within the room before making way to their seats. Sitting at his place among the table of Madara’s high rank makes his companion sit behind him in silence. He starts the meeting as though it is more official than Sasuke had realized. Their eyes fall upon their leader instructing them on matters concerning the peace talks. The update holds no useful information for men like himself, who were only of use in battle. Talks of peace were as misguided as the hope that love could be what brings it. All he needed was the thoughts and feelings of his clansmen and people to push him forward. He would wage war for them and allow others to dabble in such conversations.

“Sasuke-san, your wife is participating in the Lantern festival from what you’ve said?” Madara crosses his arms as he gives into the small detail among the table. His response is but a simple nod forward before Madara continues, “Since it’s Sakura-san it only seems fitting we shall attend after the meeting.”

He cannot stop himself from eyeing his leader with uncertainty. Never had there been genuine interest in the traditions outside of their own. There is a thick swallow to accompany the uncertainty weighing upon his chest, “Do not feel forced to attend.”

“Nonsense. After all, she has been providing medical relief for our men. The least we can do is watch her perform. I hear the ceremony for the coming of spring is one of a kind.” Madara’s voice is questionable as he leans upon the table with knuckles pressed against his chin.

“Senju will be everywhere since it’s held in their territory.” Obito’s voice rings throughout the room speaking of the obvious, and it’s as Sasuke gives a fleeting look upon the fellow Uchiha that he finds his brows pinched at the revelation.

It would be a ceasefire, and no doubt a time when they would hold to their words and walk among each other in celebration of this foreign New Year. If his brother were to appear would he be able to keep his word? The thought brings a bitter and foul taste into his mouth. He would have no choice but to tolerate his existence. The whispers of battle that would echo within his being—requesting and pleading for him to take revenge upon the traitor connected by blood—would be ignored.

Kagami gives forth a snort, “This wife of yours has made quite the name for herself after being just a woman of convenience.”

He does not answer with anything more than a look to the Uchiha boy decorated in a grin upon his lips. It’s as he threads his fingers to hold his chin that the slow desire to defend his wife from claims of convenience find their way into the air. He silences Izuna’s attempt to respond to Kagami, “My wife is not just one of convenience.”

It hushes the room, and it is Madara who lets a low hum fall within the silence, “I look forward to seeing such during the Lantern Festival.” their leader raises his head from his almost lackadaisical lean upon his knuckles. There is a look between him and his leader, and it’s then that he knows there is more for him after the meeting. He had not been wrong. His punishment was, in fact, before him.

He would take it gladly.

“Hiashi-san, and I will be attending to go over details of a possible peace treaty with Hashirama. Those of you who wish to attend the festivities held within Konohagakure are welcome but are to not raise arms or cause disturbance during the ceasefire under any circumstance.” his words hold command within them under the guise of simple conversation that no one dares to join, “Those of you who do not attend spend so with family, and friends. Even with the talk of peace in the air do not forget we are at war, and peace talks never signal the end until decisions and compromise on both sides have been met.”

Izuna leads in behind his brother with ease seeming to be the one who does not find his brothers rule silencing, “Sasuke-san, you especially must follow these commands. Itachi-san will most likely be at the negotiations and events. We cannot have them claiming we broke the ceasefire. Traitor or not.”

He cannot stop himself from gritting his teeth at the name of his traitor of a brother. He cannot stop the tightening of his threaded fingers whiten his knuckles. The clearing of his throat only tenses the air, “I understand.”

The meeting opens to any questions those attending have, and no one dares give way to any ill feelings they hold about the conditions set forth concerning the negotiations. Madara has no need to give them guarantees of what he will bring to the table. Their leader knows exactly what they demand, and knows exactly what they should receive.

It’s after the others have left, and it is just him and his companion that he dismisses him with orders to meet at the gate within the hour. He stands before his leader, and his leader’s brother—the only line still standing within his dominate family tree with the loss of his mother, father, and traitorous brother—ready to defend his choices and decisions to this point.

He stands ready to receive his punishment.

“She was not to your liking?” Madara’s voice gives no true question. He is making a statement more than anything and rhetorical one at that, “Or maybe your wife has something to do with it?”

Swallowing thickly he gives way to an answer, “It was my decision. She holds no control over what I do.”

“Sasuke. We understand there was a fight between the two of them.” Izuna crosses his arms upon his chest as he locks gazes with him choosing to lean upon the paper walls, “From what she’s told us you made her apologize to Sakura-san.”

His jaw tightens at the statement never wavering his ebony from the almost identical pair that looks to him, “I have made it clear since I was forced to marry her that there would be no ill will against her. I cannot have them look down upon her if I need her to lead them within my absence. Any ill will to her shows ill will to my leadership.”

His leader lets out the slightest of hums as if understanding his position. There is a moment of looks between the Uchiha brothers before gazing back upon him, “Tell me then what you choose to do from here.”

Ebony shift from his leader for the briefest of moments before looking back to him cautious of what to say next, “My parents did not live in adultery and I hold no plans—”

“So you hold no interest in having an heir?” Izuna’s voice holds no room for halfhearted explanations. It brings forth the memory of the otherworldly creature that is his wife holding a child of Uchiha blood as she comes to him—it remains an impossibility.

A flick of his tongue behind his teeth does little to restrain the lividity within his tone. It’s harsher than intended to those above him, “I did not choose this political marriage.”

Why do you continue to follow blindly at his call?

There is no backing down from his position. He had done all that he had been asked of at this point with no hesitation. He had done everything to uphold his position as heir in the case of their passing. He had done all that he could for his clan repeatedly—time and time again. To commit adultery where his parents had not would shame not only his wife, but him, and those he lived to avenge. These were not choices he had made. If an heir was their concern they should have picked someone else to marry the ethereal woman that was his wife.

He was who they had chosen and he would follow his role properly. There would be no tolerance in his continued failure to be proper husband.

There is a shake to Madara’s head before he gives way to an exhale, “You cannot bed her, but you can continue as you are. I do this only out of respect for Mikoto. If it was anyone else there would be no choice in this matter. Disobedience would not be tolerated.”

There is anger and disdain for the man before him who continues to rule upon his choices as he sees fit. The claim of allowing him to forgo the adultery in the name of his mother—of his leader’s long since deceased sister—is all he needs to hear before dismissing himself to keep his anger within check. To anger and fight Madara would be to go against his clan, and he would never allow himself to do so. Doing so would be taking his brothers path. His clan and his people were forever the priority, and now even more so was she—he could not have punishment fall upon her for his choices.

Lucky—it’s how he should feel and yet, he does not.

Many who disobeyed Madara could not stand as tall as he does now heading for the gate with the snow that falls softly before him. His mother continues her protection of him. Bitterness rises in his chest at his need to still be protected. Fingers roughened through battle run through his hair as his scowl deepens. He was no longer a mere child of war. He was a man that was feared. He was a man that conquered. He had slaughtered those that would take the lives of his family, clan, and people who followed their beliefs. His strong stride stops before the gate taking in the cold air that seeks to chill his being. That same chilled air burns within his chest as the frosty air enters his lungs.

Ebony cannot stop themselves from looking upon the gray sky above that continues to give way to the winter season. He cannot stop the longing he holds for his mother. He would pray to her again when he returned home thanking her. He would thank her for all the protection she has ever given him, and all that she continues to give him. Even in death she stood there holding his hand. Even in death she would see to her child. Even when he had accepted punishment she would keep him from such harm.

A shudder leaves his mouth as he thinks of her. He could not ask her for advice, and he could not go to her when he had troubles. He could not truly hold her hand down this path. He could, though, continue to pave a way so others would not suffer the same loss he had. He could continue to make sure that young Uchiha children would never have to have their mother’s protection in death. He could give them something better. He could give them the ability to hold their mother’s hand within the world of the living.

He would give them the ability. He would give them the chance. He would win for them.

His fingers squeeze and it’s in that moment that he can truly feel her as if she stands beside him. He can feel her hand in his, and he can feel his chest tighten with her hand in his. Death was giving him this moment—it was giving him this precious moment to stand beside her.

His mother’s name carried the meaning of precious—she was undoubtedly precious.

A mother’s love was unbelievably deep. The spring wife had asked him if it was true that the Uchiha loved deeply. He even now does not know if that remains true, but he does know that his mother had loved him deeper than any ocean, and stronger than any fire. He knows that she would have done anything for him. He knows that she continues to do everything for him.

She had loved him. She had loved him so much. Never would she have willingly left his side. She would have continued to ease his heart, and she would have continued to erase his doubts.

She continues to do those things no matter how far he goes.

He truly had never been luckier.

Excitement does not begin to explain the feeling dancing within her heart as her mother, Shisui, and herself make their way to the gates. Her mother has fallen into bright spirits with the earthbound Uchiha male so unlike the stoic ones they knew far to frequently.

The chatter that overcomes them is easy to follow, and the conversations amusing. There are no disputes. There are no arguments over politics. There are no quarrels over ideals.

It’s peaceful. It’s welcomed. It’s what everyone should have. It’s proof that this could be something within their grasp if not for this war. It’s proof that a world of peace can truly exist in a world that only seemed to know war.

There is curiosity in how Konohagakure will look. Memories of her birthplace nonexistent within her mind. Far too young, and far too innocent she was back then to remember such things. Relatives had always come to them. They had never sought to visit, and as her age increased so did her distance with the place only newly born and newly welcomed into the world viridan had been given the privilege to see.

“Sakura-san, a friend of mine will be meeting us shortly. Do you mind if I take the time to speak with him?”

Her walk does not falter as she turns to look upon him, “Oh? You have company in Konohagakure?”

“We are separated by our ideals, but we still keep in touch.” he responds easily.

“I don’t see why we couldn’t.” she gives way to a smile as her viridian fall upon the gates once more.

Their steps take them closer. It’s impossible to miss her cousin’s wave, or the eye catching green clad male beside her. The smile that stretches upon her lips is large, and gives way to hurried steps wanting to be with them quicker. The scolding her mother speaks is ignored sprinting to wrap her arms around her cousin. There’s giggles and tight hugs. Her cousin’s voice is high as she tells her she missed her. The closeness they once had shared still within its rightful place even with their lives so separated.

It’s as they begin to catch up in hurried voices soaked with excitement that she hears the subtle interruption of her guard. He’s cleared his voice, “Ah, Sakura-san. I’d like you to meet my friend.”

Viridian full of interest turn to look at who it is that Shisui continues to hold close even as war separates them. She wonders if it is a Senju she had met in passing, or an Uzumaki she’s treated. It’s as those viridian turn that she cannot stop her smile from slipping. She cannot stop her eyes from becoming wide, and she cannot stop her heart from halting within its beat.

He’s all the familiar hereditary looks. Endless ebony strands with endless ebony eyes, and pale skin that contrasts almost painfully against her coloring. The lackadaisical look upon his face is all the more familiar, and it’s as her mind is running that she wonders if the Gods have played a cruel joke upon her.

She can only wonder if the Gods found humor in endlessly tormenting her.

“Sakura-san, meet Itachi. Itachi Uchiha.”

Her heart is held so painfully by these Gods intended to turn her world forever upside down and inside out. She cannot stop the twist of her surroundings bringing her back to her father’s body falling to the floor as she had gazes upon the man before her. She would never—could never—erase the look upon his face as her father fell before her. Such little care had been across those hereditary features.

Such little remorse. Such loss of heart. Such nonexistent feeling for those who hurt by his hand.

He no sooner would have discussed the weather with her as blood covered the floor and life fled from her father. This male held no remorse for his acts, and he had held no heart before her in a world filled with fire. He had looked as plainly at her now as he had back then.

The Gods must truly have found endless humor in her anguish.

Fingers curl within her palm as she feels her body set ablaze with a sense of loathing she did not know she could possess. This loathing that dares to possess her is volatile, seething, and unrelenting. Brows pinch, and her jaw tightens as these feelings bloom throughout her being in waves that desire to submerge this male, and herself. The fire that had torn Kusagakure asunder ghosts across her skin, and the wounds she had received as they had destroyed her home burn just as hot with each passing second. There is the hint upon her knuckles from where they had collided with the earth making it cry out. It echoes throughout the air unheard by all who stand with her. It echoes so loud she questions if she’ll go deaf.

“Sakura-chan?” the male clad in green calls out upon seeing her features change.

This man has captured her effortlessly, and it takes all the restraint she has to offer to keep her from lunging for his throat—so cruelly would she love to dig her fingers within his mouth to remove the lackadaisical expression from his features so painfully similar to her husband. There is recognition within those ebony. The recognition of that time comes with each small movement of his eyelids. The contempt she feels is begging for release at the base of her throat as she continues to hold the ebony within her viridian, and then all in a moment she feels the air slammed from her lungs. This man—this man before her—was her husband’s deeply loved sibling. The sibling so adored, and the sibling who had been the role model for her husband. This was the sibling he fought against. This was the traitor within their clan that had hurt her husband to depths that she could only now begin to understand. This sibling had hurt her husband, and slain her father. This man had brought so much pain within her world. He had brought her tears, and her husband’s hatred.

He was undeniably someone her husband had dared to love deeply, and in return he had brought it down without care.

For every moment her husband had dared to love this sibling had taught him betrayal. For every moment she had dared to believe that men of war were not inhumane he had proven it wrong eyes that held no heart.

The myths had done her husband no justice for this man stole all of it.

“Sakura, where are your manners?” her mother’s fingers have gripped her shoulder and it’s the only thing that makes her tear her gaze from him finally released from the chaos that was Kusagakure.

The wild beat of her heart is in full force as she desperately attempts to swallow the hurt, and loathing that threatens to drag her into turmoil. The tug upon her heart is laced with torment, and anguish. It’s far more powerful than what she could have thought possible. It’s far more petulant that she could have ever imagined. It’s far more deadly than she could have ever fathomed. It had come with an absolute vengeance for daring to think she could obtain any semblance of peace within this war. Bitter, and with eyes that dare to sting she feels the air constrict within her throat.

How much more could these people take from her? How much more could they ask of her? How much more? How much?

The desire that coaxes her heart could not be done.

Giving into the hatred, the anguish, and the raw lividity would alleviate such petulant torment, and yet, there is fear just on the other side. There is fear of her husband’s eyes upon her after hearing she had harmed the one he had dared to adore within his blissful innocence as a child. There is fear of her husband having to answer for attacking within Senju territory. There is fear that she will not come back from this raw lividity. There is fear that she will no longer no herself.

There is fear she will be the one without a heart. It is all too much—there is too much at stake.

Shisui shifts to move toward her with concern decorating him, “Sakura-san, are you alright?”

Fingers painfully press harder within her palm, nails digging into her skin as she attempts to speak without choking, “Excuse me, it’s a pleasure to meet you. I’m Sakura. Uchiha Sakura.”

His brow has raised at her name, and there is scrutiny within his ebony as he seems to digest her. Flickering his gaze to Shisui, “I’m sure you heard about Sasuke-san’s marriage. This is his wife.”

The lackadaisical expression has disappeared at her title and in its place startle has taken over his features. There’s no missing the tightening of his jaw, and the shift within his frame. The silence between them is loud, and it echos in her ears just as loud as the memory of her knuckles crashing down upon their earth the first time they had met.

“Sakura-san, you look pale? Are you exhausted from the travel?” fingers find their way upon her arm as obsidian try to obtain her viridian. He is giving her a way out, and she is no fool—she will absolutely take this moment to remove herself from this man.

“Please.” her voice comes out far more pained than she had intended, and it’s Shisui who places a hand upon her head, “I’m so very tired.”

She begs, and pleads to not let the tears fall that burn her eyes. Her mother’s frantic voice is but background noise as they excuse themselves, and head for her cousin’s home. The feel of those ebony upon her back as they leave him at the gate are impossible to ignore. It only seeks to further terrorize her heart. It only seeks to shake her being. It only seeks to allow her to dance within the idea of digging her hand deep within his—No. No, no, no she would not allow herself to soil her heart. She would not allow herself to become him.

Disgust—she feels it radiate within her being.

You never needed a reason to love. You only needed reason to hate, and hatred consumed.

This is what had consumed so many during the war. The sharp ache that had found a home within her heart only seeks to become stronger with such feelings and yet, she cannot bring herself to cast them aside.

What god had she angered to deserve such a thing? What cruelty had she committed to have her husband’s brother be the one who held no hesitation in cutting down her father? What misdeed did she perform to have him give so little care to those he murdered?

It’s within the room that her cousin had prepared that she finally lashes out as fingers come upon her hand, “Let go of me.” the words are bitter and venomous—they seek to hurt.

She wants to hurt. She wants everyone to feel what she has endured.

Who was she to be the only one to shelter pain? It’s not their fault though. They are not the ones who continued to pray upon her so cruelly.

“Sakura-san, what has you so upset?” the obsidian haired male had barely flinched at her vexation.

“Leave me. Go. Get away from me.” her voice is raising as she spouts each word, “All of you.” her viridian glow within her hatred as she looks upon those at the door who are painted in hurt, and shock upon her words.

They cannot understand her behavior. They cannot understand her vexation. They cannot understand her venom. She would never let them understand. She could not let them understand. She will not let them understand. None of them give way to movement, and it’s in that, that she feels the last of her snap with a hiss of her voice, “Go, I said!”

The echo of her cry within the home has washed away the excitement. It has brought with it anxiousness, and hurt that paints itself upon every wall, and every door. It paints the room and it paints their beings. It paints her so violently, and it paints her so unforgiving. The whispers that fill the air beyond those doors cannot be heard outside of muffled hums. The room has lost its warmth, but the chill is numb upon her skin as she sits within her terror. She cannot find a clear answer as she sits upon the floor with her knees pressed within her chest. The tears that had burned have found their way down.

Her mind runs, and even as it tumbles it shifts between thoughts so fast, and so carelessly she finds herself losing herself entirely. Panicked, and lost with such muddled thoughts she cannot stop herself from falling deeper down the rabbit hole that is hatred. She hates so much, and she cannot find the part of her that dared to love, and dared to find the answers so hopeful, and so wishful.

Who was more important in these moments? Her husband, or her father?

Who was to be the one that would decide what she did now? To do nothing would shame her father. To do anything would shame her husband—the title is bitter, and it holds so much disdain. Disdain that she did not know she could feel for him once again. Blaming him is unwarranted, but she cannot stop herself from doing so. Hating him would be easy in these moments. Hating him would make the choice easier. Hating him would bring honor to her fallen father.

Hating him could be so easy.

There is a pull on the hood of her cloak she had never removed. The fingers bring it down from its place in almost a tender motion. Her teeth grind at the touch, and lividity runs through her veins at someone disobeying her, “Itachi-san has angered you.”

Shisui’s voice is soft as he kneels behind her, “Go.”

“Sakura-san, I do not know what he has done to you. He’s hurt you somehow, but I cannot allow you to sit here like this. Sasuke-san—”

“Don’t you dare say that cruel man’s name.” her head has whipped to look at him so close to her. His eyes show he was not prepared for such a hostile reaction upon hearing her husband’s name, and then there is something that she cannot place that follows in its place.

“Sakura-san, who is being cruel right now?” his voice is even as the glow of her viridian gaze upon him with fury.

“All of you are cruel. You only seek to hurt everyone around you with this war. You only seek to destroy. You are mons—”

“Sakura-san!” she has never heard his voice raise in such anger in all the times they have traveled together. She has gone too far—she has bred such a response within her turmoil, “You dare to say we are cruel and yet, here you sit pushing everyone aside. You sit here and you cast your family, and mother within another room as if they are to blame. You take them for granted, and you cast them without care. I ask you again, who is being cruel right now?”

“I have lost everything.” her voice breaks within her withdraw from him, “Who else could be cruel enough to have me marry a man who’s sibling would kill my father?” the words are vulnerable and hit the air before she can stop them.

Fingers find their way within her rose-colored locks, “You know Sasuke-san was not the one who made that choice. You know Madara-sama held no part in Itachi-san killing your father. None of them could have known—just as Itachi-san could not have known that you had married his brother, and he had killed your father.” his voice has come down from the anger that had laced it. It’s pleading with her in a hushed tone, and seeking to console her, “All of us—Uchiha, Senju, and everyone else who fights—have killed someone, and hurt others with our actions. We do not know if those people will become close to us. None of us would ever wish to hurt those close to us. It is all we can do, though, as we put our lives on the line.”

The solemnity rings within the silence. She was the cruel one once more. She sat here blaming. She sat here hating. She sat here loathing. She was cursing them, and slandering them. She was taking her hurt out upon them all. She was the one with such little care. She was being selfish—but how long had she pushed herself to be selfless?

This was the harsh reality of war. War robbed loved ones. It made the light from their eyes vanish. It put hurt within the world around them. It took without remorse. It forced friends to clash, and—

It forced families to fight against each other.

“Has Sasuke-san, truly been cruel to you?” the question quakes her being. It sends anguish throughout her with the gravity of what she has said, and what she has called him.

Overwhelmed. Heart pounding. Heavy hearted.

Nothing can describe the unbelievable sadness that washes over her with that question.

If I could bring all of that pain you hide onto myself I would do so.

She had said that so easily. They had fought. They had disagreed. He had made her cry. He had been cold to her. Yet, never—not once in this marriage—had he ever been cruel. He did not do malicious things to her. He did not do things out of spite. He did not show disdain towards her.

That single statement had been true when she had spoken it. She wished to take his pain from him. This man fought to protect those that followed him. He fought for peace in his own way. He fought with no anchor in the world. He had been a victim of war just as much as she now was. He had truly lost those he loved deeply. This feeling—this moment—this hatred that she had allowed to consume her—this is what had made him who he was today. She had asked him to love her, and here with just a taste of that hatred his world was soaked in she had cursed and spoken harshly of him—of all of them.

How could she possibly ask him to love someone so cruel? How had this man survived to this day with such a feeling?

A shuddered breath. A silent cry. A whispered apology.

All of it is what fills this room as she is gathered within her guards arms. He is warm—all the things she was meant to be. He was calming—all of what she tried to be.

“Sasuke-san would punish me for letting you get hurt.” it’s his laugh that’s low and hinted upon every word that brings a smile to her tear stained face as she continues to battle the slowly dissipating turmoil.

“I’ll be sure to keep such a thing from him.”

Because, Sasuke Uchiha, would no doubt protect her.

It’s long after she has made her way from the room with her hand in his, long after she gives heavyhearted apologies to those she had spat venom at, and long after the warmth has found its way within her cousin’s home once more that she accepts that her pain is still there. There’s no denying it’s grip upon her. This was not something that could be rendered with reasoning. Her husband had traveled far down this path. He had hated, and he had been consumed for such a long time. He had been his brother for many. He had gazed down upon those he killed in the name of war with such a lack of care. He had hurt, and he had been hurt. She had barely walked a mile in his shoes, and she needed to travel so much further.

Compassion, and warmth were nothing without understanding. Understanding could not be found without feeling.

She held the poison that had infected so many firmly within her, and now she truly could understand why he held such little care for talks of peace. This rage. This hurt. This suffering. All of it could not be eased with just words. He sought out vengeance, and he sought to make sure none within his domain felt what he had felt. In his conquest he had cast aside the love he had dared to feel so deeply. He had pushed others aside, and now she, too, had done just the same. He had lashed out upon those who sought to help him, and now she, too, had done just the same. He had no longer sought to reach out for help, and she now, too, had refused to reach for a hand to save her from this poison so lethal.

He had truly gone the distance. She had truly been so blind. She had sought to understand. He had cast his eyes from a world of love long ago.

She understood.

The days that come after do not ease the spread of this poison called hatred, and it’s at night that she gazes upon the ceiling lost and flushed in lividity. Her heart is torn in two. She knows it is not her husband’s fault, but here she sits within the dead of the night blaming him silently. Shisui had never lied in what he had said. Her husband had been many things, but she would have never looked upon him as cruel. She was shifting blame. She was looking for a reason to hate.

That man was the one who had slain her father. Not her husband.

More acceptance comes within the following days. It does not ease her hatred for her husband’s sibling. Her husband’s involuntary reactions when his brother was mentioned are perfectly clear. She understands far more than she would have ever dreamed why he held such hostility when it came to his brother. This man had done so much to her husband.

What would her husband say if she dared to tell him that he had taken her father—his father-in-law—away from them?

Viridian never stop searching, and her mind has yet to stop running. She had sought out an answer for this hatred and these feelings within her anguish when she had fallen within this rabbit hole.

She will continue to search for the answer she had sought within her anguish. She has to keep searching. This is not just for husband. She has to find this answer for herself. This is also for her.

The lesson has been taught, and the feelings understood. There’s pain in knowing that she had unknowingly asked for so much from her husband the night they had fought when she had fallen before him. She had asked him for all of him, and now she truly held more of him than she ever felt possible. She had asked to be his anchor, and she had asked him for love. How could she ask him for love when now she knew how addictive this poison could be?

If she could not cure herself then she could not cure him.

Yet, forgiveness meant to accept her father’s death by a man so uncaring. She could not do such a thing. She would not do such a thing.

She would be selfish. Her husband’s selfishness now just another thing she could understand.

It’s three days deep, and then before she realizes it another two days have passed. Seven days come without warning, and then without even so much as a ‘hello’ it’s on the thirteen day that she unknowingly has come upon her answer.

Practice for the coming of spring has come to an end. Her muddled mind has continued to halt her progress. She is far from ready—she has let Itachi Uchiha continue to take things from her.

She’s letting him take this from her as well.

She expects to be scolded just as she has every day since this had begun. Fingers come upon her shoulder, and it’s what drags her eyes, stinging with unshed frustrated tears, to the male, who continues to be patient with her. Her jaw dips ready to give an apology, “Kakashi-san, I—”

He never once has blamed her for her lack of progress. She had dared to wonder if it was because they had known each other well before now. She had healed him. She had healed him several times. He had come to her when his wife had been harmed in combat. He had come to her when he would be passing through to his next battle.

Here they were now. Standing within this room so large with wooden floors. He’s yet to pry, and she’s yet to explain herself. There’s no mistake that he’s being bias and hoping whatever has her within its grips will work itself out. There’s no mistake that she needs to find her answer. She needs to find the cure.  

The sun that seeks to rest for the night paints the sky outside, and cast it’s dimming light within the room through the window. It provides no warmth outside of these walls. It could not fight off the chill outside that awaits her. Another set of fingers find their way to her shoulder, and there’s a comfort to these two men allowing her to work through her problems even as so much is placed upon her shoulder. Shisui, too, has been patient—she hopes it’s because he understands. Her bottom lip quivers as she seeks to finish what she had intended to say, but she’s rendered silent as the doors open. This person does not knock and his voice is loud.

This voice. It’s undeniably warm. It’s just as she recalls, and it brings her muddled mind to a halt.

She’s captured before she even knows it. Viridian flutter as she takes in the large grin she had only known once before. He’s all the bright blonde, and vibrant azure eyes she recalls deep within the forest. He’s all the warmth that the sun refused to give.

He is so much like the sun in the summer.

“Kakashi-sensei, how much lo—Sakura-chan?” the widening of those eyes so bright, and azure follow his question, and arms once placed behind his head begin their slow descend to his sides.

“Naruto-san?” she feels vulnerable in front of this man—and she cannot begin to understand why he has such a presence.

He’s next to her immediately with brows pinched in concern. She’s not sure if it was her face, or voice that gave away the mess that was her mind, and heart. They are enemies and yet, he comes to her side without thought. He comes to her as if they had known each other forever. He comes to her as if he is her friend.

She’s not sure what continues to make her follow in actions that her husband would scold her for, “I—Shisui, I want to go with him.”

Fingers tighten upon her shoulder as viridian make their way to ebony, “Sakura-san, I cannot leave you with him.”

“It’ll be fine.” there’s a shift in this male as breathes out, “I’ll take full responsibility should anything happen. Keep in mind that even as she wears the Uchiha crest this is neutral territory for now. No one would dare to harm her here. Not with the ceasefire approaching so close. She is, after all, our guest for the festival.”

Hesitation lingers but those fingers once so secure begin to lessen their pressure upon her shoulder, “Shisui. Please.”

Sakura cannot explain herself. She cannot begin to understand why there is so much comfort that comes from this man. She cannot understand why he does not say ‘no’ to her following behind him down these streets he knows so well, and that she’s begun to learn. He’s quiet at first and then he’s chattering away as if they are just as she had felt before—friends.

He doesn’t know her outside of that forest, and he does not know her outside of her last name. Still, he continues forward as if this is second nature to him.

When had she stopped moving forward? When had she—

He’s stopped before her his arms crossed upon his chest, “What’s wrong?”

Viridian flutter once more at this male so bold, and so overwhelming. She feels her eyes sting as all of her hatred, and all of her inner turmoil boil to the surface, “Do you hate?”

The words fall so easily, and the world seems to go quiet within her ears. There are lingering gazes among those that pass by but none seem to have caught what she had asked. His bottom lip falls open, and those azure eyes fall from her as they take in what she has asked. There’s a shame that comes over her drenching her to the core. It makes her want to take back what she has asked him. It makes her wish she had never given in to that presence he has so naturally—it’s so comforting.

Viridian watch as his mouth closes once more with lips pressed tightly together, and then only moments later does he open it again as determination radiates from him as brightly as his warmth.

“I don’t know what happened, and I don’t know who it is that you hate, but what I do know is that hatred hasn’t solved anything.” his fingers make their way to his pockets as he continues to look at her earnestly, “Has hatred solved anything for you?”

“No.”

“Hatred. The word itself is heavy. It weighs you down and yet, so many people feel that, you know? I fight to give people peace. I fight to bring these warring clans together, and get rid of hatred. If I let myself be weighed down who am I supposed to bring together? You have to believe there is good in people—otherwise, what am I fighting for?” his voice raises with each thought and it’s with each thought that viridian become wider, “Sakura-chan, what is your role? What do you fight for?”

“I fight to provide what others cannot. I want to heal people. I want to provide them with relief so that they can keep moving while so many of you take. I want—I want so much. I’m tired of fighting, and I’m tired of hurting. I’m tired—”

“Everyone’s tired.” azure seize her catching her voice within her throat, “How can you heal, and do what I can’t if your weighed down? Hatred breeds hatred. You can’t provide what you don’t give. This person you hate—has hating them made it easier? Has hating them made you better? Has it made you give up on peace? What peace do you fight for?”

The words fall far faster than she expects, and her voice is far stronger than she thought it could be, “I fight for a peace brought about by love, and yet how can I not hate someone who has taken everything from me? How can I not hate someone who has hurt so many.”

His mouth is left open, and his azure can only widen at her declaration. The silence that hangs within the air is thick and suffocating and yet, it’s as he lets out a huff of air that he cuts through it effortlessly, “It sounds to me like you’re just making excuses. Your husband, I’m assuming, fights in the war. He does exactly what you hate this person for to others. You know, it seems to me like your just looking for reasons to make hatred okay. I can’t stand people who do that. This is war. Don’t forget we don’t do this because we want to. You may have lost someone—who am I kidding we’ve all lost someone. Hating them for it isn’t going to bring them back. How are you honoring that person by hating them? Would they appreciate you taking your love for them and turning it into hate?”

Fingers twist within her clothing as she looks at him. Wide doe eyes cannot leave his face as she hears him louder, and clearer than she had ever thought possible.

This man. What had he lost in the war? Who had he lost in the war?

How had found this conclusion? Who had shown him the way when he was lost?

Her teeth grit, and it’s as she looks down at the ground that the tears dare to fall. Fingers make their way to her hair. There’s no soothing rubs like her husband had given as he washed her hair. The scent he has is so distinctly different from that of her husband. It’s no less comforting.

He wasn’t wrong. Nothing he had said was wrong, and he had made the answer seem so obvious. He had made all of it seem so unnecessary. She had accepted that she had started to shift the blame, and make reasons to hate her husband on behalf of his brother. She had accepted that was wrong. She had accepted it. She had understood it, and now this male so full of sun, and so full of warmth was bringing down the walls she had made deep within the night as she stared at the ceiling.

This answer he had given her. She needed to accept it.

She could not let that man take more from her.

He gives way to a whine, and a humor filled comment that has her letting out the smallest of laughs. He throws his hands behind his head with that large grin plastered back in its place she has come to associate as being entirely him. The walk back to her home, and it’s with Shisui running to her that she feels her mouth curve into a smile she hasn’t worn in days.

There’s hesitance across the Uchiha’s face, but all it takes is a look at her before those features once longed for fall into a sense of calm. Footsteps lead her forward and it’s now and it’s here that she feels herself finally looking down the path instead of back. .

The call of her mother comes just as she enters the entry way, and it’s as she makes her way to the room her mother stays within that she sees her mother holding up something that makes her heart drop. The pendent is unmistakable. It’s floral petals are pale except for one. That one lone petal is of a darker rosier shade. The chain hangs within her mother’s fingers, and it’s as her mother’s viridian look to her own that the widest of smiles breaks out.

There’s tears, and there’s broken laughter between the two. Her mother’s voice is hushed within this moment they share. Never had she mentioned to her in these days that the man who had taken her father was so close. She could not find it in herself to burden her mother so much. Fingers dance across her neck sending the smallest tickles down her.

“I don’t expect you to tell me what has you so upset. Just don’t forget that I am here, and so is your father. We love you, Sakura. Please don’t forget to lean on me, and never think you can’t lean on him. He would hate for you to carry everything on your own.” Her mother fluffs her hair as she says it all so quietly as if it’s a secret meant for them alone.

There’s no denying the tears that have fallen from those viridian her mother had been so kind as to share. Her hands are raising and she cannot stop herself from cupping her mother’s face a moment longer. She presses her forehead against her mothers and it’s as her mother’s fingers wrap around her wrists that they both cry whispering comfort to each other.

For every whispered affection another falls into place. For every affection action another follows right behind. Her heart seeks to apologize for being so selfish as to forget she has a parent right here, and another that truly had never left her.

The last whisper her mother gives before wrapping her within a hug is one she’s sure she’ll never be able to let go off. It brings pride back upon her, and the urgency to make it all true. She could not fail her father, and she could not fail her mother.

—He’s so proud of you, Sakura. He really is. We both are.

It’s as they walk to make their way towards the shinobi with locks with pale lead colored hair meant to assist with her practice that she tells the answer she’s found to Shisui, “I wish to speak with him. I wish to speak with my brother-in-law once more.”

He stops within his taken step to look at her. The Uchiha cannot stop his hesitation from showing—he’s held so much of that recently, “I’ll see what I can do, Sakura-san.”  

“Thank you.” the male of pale lead colored locks can only watch them as she stands before him. She turns to look at Shisui once more before she takes her leave, “When I had let hate fill me I told you I had lost everything.” her lips widen into a smile that she had just the day before relearned, “I was wrong. I have gained far more than I could have ever ask for.” the warmth that she was meant to give had found its way back to her face, and within her viridian.

She is beaming with hope, and she is beaming full of love that she wishes to give.

If there was one thing her father had taught her it was not to live in the past. Her father would not find honor in her staining her hands. Her father would not find happiness in her allowing such hate to fuel her. He would not find peace if she did not find prosperity in life.

Her father had been the kindest of people. He had been one of warmth, and sun—it’s clear now that is why she finds such comfort in the blonde. He had been the one to wipe her tears from her face, and pat her head when she stumbled. He cared so much for her. He had loved her, and in that love he had been the one to teach her the meaning of giving. He had been the one to teach her to love with no requirements.

Kizashi Haruno was unconditional in all that he did. He gave unconditionally. He loved unconditionally.

She, too, would love unconditionally. That is how she would honor him.

“You look troubled.”

She gives a shake of her head, “No. I’m just thankful to have a papa who still continues to love, and teach me even after he has left me.” there is a shudder that overcomes her as she speaks between soft smiles, “I will bring the spring for him. I will bring the spring to everyone—so they can feel the same love, and warmth I received from him. I will repay all of you for leading me back to him, and leading me back to who I am supposed to be.”

Her eyes shift to the male of pale lead hair beside her. They never falter in their walk having left Shisui shortly after her gratitude, “He’s proud of you.” his fingers fall within her hair affectionately.

[roraewrites]

fourteen

[ sakura’s secret ] rating: m

// baking around christmas is literally one of my most favorite things to do. ヽ(•‿•)ノ thanks again for the nice asks/messages/comments/reblogs!

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Her pencil moved along the lines of her paper, her eyes glanced at the open textbook on her desk while music played into her ears. After the moment her father spilled the beans about Sakura being with a guy earlier that day, her mother had been very quiet and suspicious.

A cold breeze seeped in through the window of her bedroom, relaxing her anxious breathing and the press of her pencil against paper. When she finished writing though, she held it up and examined it before placing it back in her book and closing it for the night.

Sakura still didn’t feel any ease after doing her work. Instead of trying to relax her breathing, she searched for her secret contact and shot a text his way.

He told my mom he saw you.

The minute that passed by was almost unbearable, but when her phone vibrated, she unlocked it and read it almost immediately.

And?

Sakura frowned. And?

“And we’re going to get caught and get in trouble!” Sakura whispered to herself, before she pinched the bridge of her nose and exhaled loudly.

I don’t want you to get caught. And now my mom is watching me like a hawk. You know what that means, right?

She bit down on her thumbnail as the bubble appeared on her screen, showing that Sasuke was writing her a message back.

Then we’ll take a little break for awhile. Things will calm down. Patience.

She hated when Sasuke talked to her like a child, and instead of texting him back, she placed it back down on her desk and sat back, her thumbnail in her mouth as she bit down on it. Her heart was beating rapidly still, a lump in her throat as her frown deepened. After another minute of silence, her phone vibrated again.

As much as I’ll hate taking a break away from you, it’ll be worth it in the end.

Sakura rolled her eyes before smirking at his words.

Cheesy…

She wrote back before her mother’s voice sounded from the doorway. Sakura’s head whipped back and there stood Mebuki, a small smile on her face with a questioning eyebrow raised.

“What’s so funny?” She asked before opening the door a little further.

Sakura swallowed before she offered a forced smile. “Ino. She’s telling me a joke and--”

“Dinner is ready,” her mother interrupted, and just like that, she was gone and Sakura was left alone in her room.

What the hell? She thought to herself. She pulled her earphones from her ears and unplugged them from her phone. Her feet took her down the stairs with ease, and when she came to the dining room, her father had the table set and a plate of food at everyone’s usual spot.

“Hi, sweetie.”

“Hi.”

Sakura pulled her seat out and sat, her father mirroring her movements, and as Mebuki sat down, Sakura could feel the awkward tension settle over the three of them. They all started to eat in silence -- Sakura picked at her food here and there -- but when Mebuki glanced her way, she felt knots tighten and the air from her lungs disappear.

“How was your night last night?”

Sakura nodded as she tried to swallow the bite she had just taken. It didn’t help that her throat was tight and dry, the food lodging almost instantly, but with a big gulp of water, she smiled brightly.

“It was alright.”

“Hm,” Mebuki let out before smiling and nodding. “Where were you? I called Naruto and Ino and they said they hadn’t seen you.”

This was when Sakura’s mind went into overdrive. How was she going to cover this one up? Oh god.

“With a new friend. Her name is Karin, and she doesn’t have service at her house.”

What the fuck! She screamed at herself from the inside, her eyes widening, yet her fake smile stayed.

The frown on both her mother’s and father’s face appeared, and when they glanced at one another, Kizashi coughed slightly before glancing out the wide window by the table.

“That’s nice, darling.” Mebuki commented with a strangled tone. “I haven’t seen her around. Maybe she can join us for shopping tomorrow?”

“Uh--” Sakura stuttered, her eyes widened even more while her fingers fidgeted with the fabric of her shirt. “She’s busy,” Sakura waved her hand in front of her face and grabbed her fork off her plate before taking another bite.

“Maybe another time though!” She spoke through a mouthful of food, trying to move this topic along.

“Nonsense, she can come over Sunday when we do our annual baking. We’d love to meet her.” Mebuki’s tone was serious, a force to be reckoned with, and if Sakura wanted to leave this dinner table alive, she’d happily oblige.

“Yes, mother.”

“Good, I’m excited to meet her!”

.

.

.

Sakura’s fingers were moving at the speed of light the moment she got back up to her room that night. Her body was trembling, her forehead lined with sweat as she quickly texted her blonde best friend and waited for a reply.

Do you have Karin’s number?

Her lip was between her teeth while she watched Ino’s text come through.

What the fuck? Is this Forehead?

Sakura could scream, but instead, she typed back furiously.

I’m serious, Pig. Do you have it?

One minute, two minutes, three minutes… Sakura was going to go crazy if she had to wait a minute longer, but by the time ten minutes rolled by, her phone lit up and her eyes read the screen.

Ino’s text was plain and simple, a number granted to her and instead of thanking her infuriating friend, she copied the number and began to call.

How stupid was she for saying she was with Karin? Of all the people she could’ve said, Karin’s name was the first one that came to mind.

“Hello?”

Sakura felt her chest hitch, her words froze up in her throat and a low groan escaped into the microphone of the phone.

“Who is this?” Her voice came back through, and, “I’m going to hang up if you don’t answer.”

Sakura shook her head before speaking. “Hi, Karin? It’s Sakura.”

A pause, before she heard the redhead’s chuckle. “What do you want?”

Sakura pinched the bridge of her nose, her cheeks turning bright red. She needed to keep her voice down, well aware that her mom was probably listening from outside the door.

“Do you want to hang out on Sunday?”

Sakura didn’t have to be there to know the frown that overtook the girl’s features, but after a long, drawn out silence, her reply caught Sakura off guard.

“Sure.”

“Wait, seriously?”

“I don’t see why not.” Her tone had changed, and while Sakura felt her own brows furrow, she smiled in relief.

“Cool. Um--” she took a moment to think. “I’m sorry if this is so sudden, but do you want to come help bake? My mom and I do this every year, and considering we didn’t start out on the right foot, why not start over?”

Memories of a drink thrown on Karin flashed through her mind, and another wave of heat washed over her body as she kept her thumb and index finger applying pressure to her nose.

“Okay,” her response was short, her tone confused but she also sensed a certain happiness in it as well. “I’ll see you then.”

When she hung up, Sakura felt her mouth gaping wide and her eyes staring blankly at her eggshell white wall.

“What the fuck just happened.”

.

.

.

The doorbell sounded throughout Sakura’s home, and when she skipped to the door, her eyes fell on ruby eyes and crimson cheeks. Snow fell from gray clouds behind Karin, and once she noticed that she was staring at the redhead, she shook her head before inviting her in.

“Hi, sorry,” she chirped and stepped aside. “Come in.”

“Thanks,” Karin muttered. Her hands held grocery bags filled with something, but Sakura wasn’t sure of what. Flour, sugar, eggs?

When she stepped aside, she caught the scent of fresh cut strawberries from her hair and she couldn’t help but smile awkwardly. They both stood in front of one another, their eyes looking at each other the moment Sakura closed the door.

“Is this Karin?” Her mother’s voice rang like a sing song, and Sakura shrugged her shoulders at Karin, who raised her eyebrows and returned the smile that Mebuki gave her. “Hello!”

“Hello,” Karin smiled, and Sakura could see the tension in her shoulders release, and before she could say another word, her mother was leading the redhead away and towards the kitchen.

“We’ve already started on cookies, but we’ve got candies and other sweets to make. Sakura normally takes care of the fudge, but we might try making some popcorn balls this year, too!”

“Oh, very nice.” Karin commented as she removed her coat from her shoulders and placed it on the back of one of the stools by the counter. Her eyes glanced to Sakura, who tensed under those intense ruby eyes.

She didn’t see any rude intentions or snarky glares, though. Instead, she saw a kind and genuine shimmer, and as she looked away and began to wash her hands, Sakura joined her side and began to wash hers as well.

Mebuki walked away from the kitchen, and that’s when Karin glanced to Sakura’s viridian eyes with questions that she intended to ask, but not yet.

Thank you, Sakura mouthed, and Karin only shook her head while a ghost of a smile appeared on her red, red lips.

.

.

.

After washing cookie sheets, cutting boards, whisks, and the millions of other kitchen utensils they had used that day, Sakura found that her eyes were tired and her back hurt. Mebuki had left the rest of the job up to the two girls, who finished the fudge and bagged up the cookies and candies, and wrapped up the popcorn balls.

“So you do this every year?” Karin asked as she finished zipping a bag closed.

Sakura had come to relax around the girl and eventually, they chatted throughout the entire day and enjoyed one another’s company. Karin even seemed to enjoy being around Mebuki; her smile didn’t fade once throughout the day.

“Yes. Mainly for family, and coworkers of my mother. You can take some home with you, though,” Sakura offered with a wiggle of her eyebrows.

Karin chuckled before taking a seat and sighing. “So.”

“Right,” Sakura glanced back towards the front room, hoping her mother wasn’t around. “We can go up to my room.”

Karin nodded before Sakura led the way. She didn’t find it awkward or strange that the girl had been entirely comfortable in a stranger’s home -- especially since they didn’t get along, but that had changed.

With the door shut and locked behind her, Sakura leaned against the white door and exhaled. Karin sat on her bed, ruby eyes examining the walls and furniture that Sakura’s room had to offer.

How to tell her this without blowing their cover…

“I’ve been hanging out with this guy lately, and I didn’t want my parents knowing.”

“Ah,” Karin nodded her head. “Who is he?”

“He’s not from here,” Sakura answered quickly, but she knew Karin wasn’t going to buy her bullshit excuse. “At least, that’s what I need to keep telling myself. And others, of course”

Sure, she won’t confide in her mother, or Ino, or Naruto, but here she is, like an open book. Karin leaned back and rested on her elbows.

“So,” she spoke again, holding the ‘o’ with a sense of annoyance. “Or is it really that much of a secret, that your family can’t know?”

Sakura nodded, her balled fists coming to rest over her chest as she bit down on her lip.

“How long have you been seeing him?”

“Roughly since September,” Sakura answered honestly. Her cheeks dusted with a light pink the longer their conversation carried on.

Karin’s eyes dropped, sadness taking over her facial features as she nodded. “Well I’m actually glad you invited me over. Regardless if we didn’t start off on the right foot, I had fun.”

There was a tug of guilt in Sakura’s chest as she listened to Karin’s quiet tone now. She began to feel bad for the girl.

“It’s been hard since I moved here.” Her head snapped up, and the smear of her eyeliner didn’t go unnoticed. “Speaking of which, how do you know what happened at my previous school?”

Sakura lifted an eyebrow in question, but then like a smack to her face, she remembered what she had said to Karin at her first party she attended. Sakura sighed, long and hard, before shaking her head and offering a sincere smile.

“I was bluffing.”

“You bitch,” Karin scoffed before shaking her head and smiling along with Sakura. “There was one incident.”

Sakura felt the knots in her stomach tighten, and not in a good way. She didn’t get the butterfly feeling, or the numbing blush that Sasuke gave her. No, she felt like Karin was about to reveal something terrifying, but when the redhead gave her another smile, all her worries died down.

“Not that it’s something we can talk about, now just isn’t the time,” she spoke after moments of silence. Sakura swallowed before nodding.

“Of course,” she agreed.

“For real, though, Pinky--” Sakura frowned at the nickname, “--I hope that whatever you have going on works out for you.”

She felt genuinely pleased that Karin would actually say that. “Thank you,” she spoke through a shy tone and red cheeks. “It means a lot.”

.

.

.

With the weekend over and school starting in fifteen minutes, Sakura was walking alongside Naruto and Ino on their way to school. She couldn’t ignore the fact that she was with her friends once more; all smiles and talkative conversations, no awkward tension or glares. Although when Sakura first emerged from her house, Ino gave her a narrowed eyed look and a face that told her that Sakura would need to spill information soon.

She gulped back the intimidation that coursed through her body, and the moment they walked through the doors of the school, she inhaled the scent of hot chocolate and old textbooks. The three of them shared a cup of cocoa, and as her and Naruto broke off from Ino and began their walk down the hall, Sakura’s heart began to beat rapidly in her chest and smile pulled at her lips.

Down the hall, through the entry way, and in the unnatural light of the classroom sat Sasuke. Combed hair, clean face, a fresh set of dress pants and shirt, and a smirk that sent fire through her veins.

A breath of relief and a seat at her desk didn’t calm her body. She sat like a smiling idiot throughout her entire first class, her viridian eyes on his body whenever he moved to instruct and teach his class, and when he sat to go over paperwork, it was then that she noticed just how focused he looked when he would write, too.

[luna-orlha]

Title: The Road of Hearts  Fandom: Naruto Genre: Angst ; Hurt/Comfort ; Romance Ship: Shikamaru/Sakura Characters: Haruno Sakura, Nara Shikamaru, Yamanaka Ino Word count: 8,281 Triggers(s): PTSD Rating: T  Additional Tags: major character deaths, Falling in love, developing relationships Summary: After the 4th Shinobi war, Sakura finds herself stuck in the past, unable to move on, not realising Shikamaru has always been there.

Ao3

----

Sakura spends a good two hours every day at the memorial stone. The shadows in which she sits in never touch the stone. She visits so often that she now recognises the guards that guard the park.

It’s night time when she visits today. This time she pulls out a large bottle of sake and pours it into a cup, next to a cup of shochu that Kakashi loves. ‘Loved,’ she corrects herself.

The pinkette sinks to the ground in front of the two cups and takes a generous swig from the sake bottle. The moon above is thin and narrow, like how Kakashi’s eyes would crease when he smiled. Sakura can see small puffs of clouds as she exhales, taking another gulp of the sake. She can almost hear the incessant babble of Naruto talking about things that happened while she was in the hospital, the quiet flipping of the book that Kakashi never really read but pretended to anyway.

“It’s been two years, sensei, Naruto-kun,” she says, quietly. Two years since the war ended, two years since the fight that Kakashi and Naruto died in, since the traitor executed, since her parents died. It’s not the same for everyone. Some, like Ino and Shikamaru, only found about the deaths of their loved ones at the end of the war. Sakura might not have the sharingan-aided memory like Kakashi, but she held their cold bodies, remembers the fight that ended their lives, remembers the last conversation she had with them.

“I was going to be your best man, Naruto,” Sakura chuckles lowly. “Hinata would have looked amazing in the white kimono beside you.”

She takes a swig of the sake bottle, the clear liquid mixing with the salty taste of her tears. They were her family. How she loved them. She palms the tears away, tilting her face towards the dark star-specked sky.

“Team seven rule number one, never leave a man behind. Team seven rule number two, don’t die,” Sakura says to the crisp winter air, feeling a shiver run down her spine. “This is my home and I will defend it with my dying breath. See, sensei? I can still remember it. I still remember, yet why am I the only one left? You left me behind.”

Her face is pressed against a warm back when she wakes. She should recognises the scent of grass and dusty shadows, except she can’t. Sakura blinks blearily at the dark hair, her arms thrown over the man’s shoulders, the man’s arms looped around her legs as they trudge down the dark streets.

It’s been two years and even though Konoha is in a better shape as compared to a year ago, it is nowhere as prosperous as it was before the war. Streetlights are turned off in wee hours of the night to save electricity.

“Sasuke?” Sakura muses, half-asleep, then reels back mentally. It can’t be Sasuke, the bastard is dead, deader than the dirt.

“Still asleep?” the low baritone asks, not taking offense that she had just mistaken him for the one of the biggest traitors in Konoha’s history. “You know, when I promised Kakashi-senpai that I would take care of you, I didn’t think he meant coming out at two am to carry you home.”

Sakura hides her face in the man’s vest. “Then he shouldn’t have died.”

“No, he shouldn’t have,” he agrees. “Next time, you should just bring me along from the beginning instead. Or tell me where you’re going to be at least.”

Sakura could hear the worry in his voice, the tension in his body dissipating with each step he takes. With pretty much everyone that had cared for her dead, she can’t put a finger on who this person might be. Sakura lifts her head to squint at the man’s face. His dark hair hangs down and despite missing his usual spiky ponytail, she’s not even sure how she had mistaken Shikamaru for Sasuke. The height, the width of the shoulders and even the low burn of chakra from his core is different.

“Shikamaru?”

He sighs. His warm hand tightens around Sakura’s thighs almost painfully. “Ino was worried. She woke up in the middle of the night and you were gone. You didn’t even leave a note.”

The gravel beneath Shikamaru’s sandals crunches loudly. Sakura can feel the low hum of the patrols hopping past them, Shikamaru circulating chakra to keep his body warm. She understands now why Shishou had drunk so much now. The world without Kakashi, Naruto, shishou, her parents and all those she had considered precious to her, is a world not worth living for.

“You know, you still have us,” Shikamaru says. “Even without senpai and team seven, you still have Ino and me left. We aren’t going anywhere.”

No you aren’t, but you weren’t there from the beginning, she thinks.

It is New Year’s day and Sakura is lying against the tree when she senses Shikamaru land next to her, dropping a jacket over her. “You should bring your jacket out next time,” he sighs. He lights out a cigarette and sits down beside her like he has nowhere else to be. Shikamaru is clan head now. It’s traditional for the clan heads to visit their clan members on New Year’s day. Sakura remembers reading this in the books. It had fascinated her back then, back when reading was for leisure. She doesn’t ask, though. The warmth of his body beside her anchors her, holding her afloat so she’s not drowning. If she asks, she fears he might leave and she doesn’t want to be alone.

She scoots a little closer to him and he sighs. “Are you still cold?” he asks. Shikamaru puts an arm around her, holding her close to him, letting her siphon heat from his body. Pulling a bottle out from his pocket, he uncorks it and hands it to her.

“I thought you didn’t want me to drink anymore.” Her lips quirked as she sips on the sake that Shikamaru brought.

“Not alone. I don’t want you to be passed out alone.”

“Sakurrrrrraaaa, are you drunk again? What did we agree on drinking?” Naruto pokes her in the cheek. She grumbles and bats him away.

“Yes, no drinking alone.”

He heaves her onto his shoulder. “Are we going to be imitating our Shishous? Does that mean I should start peeking into bathhouse?”

Her hand clutches the corner of Shikamaru’s vest, trying to ride out the crest of emotions. Her favourite loud-mouthed person, her adopted brother, her best friend. She misses him so much that she can feel the ache in her chest. The more time passes, the less she remembers of him, of them. What did his laughter sound like?

“Ne, ne, Sakura-chan, what do you think stars are made of?”

“Fire, balls of fire,” she whispers out loud and finally remembers how Naruto chortled at her response. A low bellied snort, him leaning over, gasping and clutching his stomach.

“Really Sakura? Fire? That sounds more ridiculous than ero-sennin giving up peeping!”

“The year Jiraiya-sama died, we sat under this tree and shared a bottle of sake together. We did it every first Saturday of the month after that. As if to confirm that we were still alive, still… together.”

She trembles at the memory, trying to stop the heat in her eyes from escaping. Shikamaru holds her tighter, not saying a word when she presses her wet eyes into his vest. His warm hand rubs up and down her arm, the scent of his cigarette smoke enveloping her like a shield.

Sakura feels him press a kiss into her hair. “It’s okay. We’re here.” His chest rises as he takes a slow breath to exhale. “It’s okay. We’re here,” he tells her.

 Sakura completes her mission, dropping her scrolls off at the outpost. A hawk screeches above as she jumps from branch to branch. The sound of the trees swaying in the breeze seems to whisper her name.

Sakura-chan, Sakura-chan.

She thinks that her parents must have called for her when they died in the village. She left them to die instead of protecting them like she promised to. It wasn’t not her fault, Sakura reminds herself. She was out fighting for a war, not knowing the enemies that snuck into their camp. She couldn’t have known.

She crouches, placing her head between her legs. Her lungs burn, begging for a gasp of air that she can’t seem to find. ‘It wasn’t my fault,’ she reiterates to herself, even though the guilt that sits heavily in her chest belies her words.

Sakura runs. Not to Konoha. Sakura runs as fast as her feet would take her away from Konoha, from the memorial stone, from the memories. The sun sets and rises, and still she runs. Perhaps for three days straight, she runs, finally hitting the shore where she stops, panting. Her feet are burning, a jag of agony rippling through her when she collapses to her knees on the sandy beach.

“It’s not my fault!” Sakura screams to the waves. The waves swish and roar to her words. Even if she knows it’s not her fault, it still feels like her fault. She kneels, head pressed against the wet sand, and cries.

“Hurry up Sakura-chan! We’re gonna drag teme back!”

Her breaths are coming in harsh, stuttering gasps. Sakura claws the sand, her body now prone on the cold ground.

“Maa, there’s no hurry. My cute little genin has no need to hurry to become jounin yet. Sensei will be there for you when you need.” His single eye crinkles in his distinct manner, ruffling her hair.

“You p-promised…” She lies on the beach and falls asleep. 

Sakura doesn’t return to Konoha. Instead, she runs even more, this time putting her old sensei’s stealth skills into use. She dulls her chakra signature to a civilian's and hides her scent with a time-worn anbu skill. Days turn into weeks and before she realises it, her once shoulder-length hair is only short of a few inches off of the small of her back. Her once-vivid hair is now a very pale pink, bleached by the excessive sun she’s been under, and her skin has been darkened by the sun then lightened by the cold winter. ‘Almost silver like Kakashi-sensei,’ she thinks. She spends her time traversing the lands. She spends her nights sleeping on rooftops or trees or occasionally beneath rocks, stealing a bath from homes with no one around or a quick cold one in the stream. She sees how the Kumo Country is, through the various Kusa towns but it’s in Kiri when she finds a familiar orange book in a bookshop.

The book is new, the glossy cover still shiny with dark bold words printed on it.

“How can you prefer ‘Icha Icha Paradise’? Obviously ‘Icha Icha Tactics’ is far superior.” He levels an unimpressed dark grey eye at her.

“That’s the last copy of ‘Icha Icha Tactics’,” the bookshop manager says. “They haven’t been printing anymore. Heard the writer passed away, how sad.”

Sakura puts the last of her money on the counter and buys it. The book smells of new pages, white pages instead of Kakashi’s yellowed, dog-eared copy. She cries as she reads it and then reads some more.

 It is in Kiri that she spends the longest time. Not for the dreary weather or the equally dreary food. It’s the relative solitude in the mountains that lures her to stay there. The heavy mist providing a natural deterrent to any non-shinobis and any shinobis can’t detect her with the genjutsu seals she sets around her tiny cave. That only lasts until a wounded kiri-nin trying to get home passes out close to her perimeter. Unable to ignore the instilled medic code in her, Sakura picks the shinobi up and carries him to her cave. She heals most of his life-threatening wounds and returns to where she found him, wiping their presences from the forest.

His pursuers dash past her cave and circle the area several times, aware that there’s something there but unable to tell what. Sakura watches them from the tree branch, the hair on the back of her neck raising, her hand inching to her kunais. She might need to fight and she really doesn’t want to, far too aware that solo practice would never be good enough compensation for battle-honed instincts.

She flings herself off the tree even before the three shinobis could finish saying ‘kai’. “Now, now, boys,” Sakura drawls, projecting her best imitation of Kakashi. Her kunai digs into a shinobi’s throat as he swallows lightly. “We don’t want anyone to die, now do we?”

“Kenichi! What are you doing?” hisses a younger shinobi to the older one when he doesn’t move.

“Shut up, Ryoma!” Kenichi shoots back. “Can’t you tell? It’s Bone-smasher Haruno Sakura!”

The one called Ryoma snaps his head back to her in surprise. “I thought she had pink hair!”

“I fought beside her during the war! I recognise her chakra signature.” Kenichi bows. “Please Haruno-sama, let us talk this through. We have no grievances with you... even though you’re clearly on Kiri’s territory. We weren’t even aware that you were here. The last I heard you were… missing?”

He winces at his implied words and Sakura is immensely amused. When had they started documenting her presence? Was it when she became Tsunade’s apprentice? When she defeated Sasori? Or maybe when she defeated hundreds of Zetsu with her strength and earned her much dreaded title. The older shinobi shuffles uneasily under her stare but it serves to only irritate the younger one.

His blond hair is muted in the mist and like most ninjas with less experience, he lets off a loud roar as he pounces towards her. Sakura ducks, her hand catching Ryoma’s wrist. She tosses him into a tree, shunshining towards him.

It turns out, months of disuse in active combat doesn’t really dull her senses.

She dodges and evades the young shinobi’s jutsus and kunais with an ease and wonders if this is how Kakashi felt when he fought against team seven for the first time.

He corrects her stance and runs through them with her over and over again. “This is the Hatake kata. Firm and unyielding.”

She can see all the holes in the shinobi’s defense, all the strikes she could take in an instant to end him. She doesn’t take them, not all, at least. Her fingers weave a rapid pattern across his skin, each strike promising a bruise.

He is lucky to get away with just bruises and his teammates know that.

“Ego is the downfall to all shinobis,” she tells him when he’s lying on the ground, panting. Sakura lengthened the fight on purpose, to humble him, but ego always has been the hardest thing to beat down.

“Fuck you,” he heaves. His teammates grab him and run before she can decide to kill him - not that she would.

They will be back eventually and by then… she will be gone. Her time in Kiri has run its course. Two months of solitude. She stares into the mist covered forest, trying to remember Konoha’s forest. Would leaving the village be considered abandoning her teammates?

“Those who break the rules are scums… but those who abandon their friends are worse than scum.”

She thinks of the forest that surrounded her home. She thinks of the training sessions between Kakashi and her when she was the only one of team seven left. The warmth that filled her when he crinkled his eyes at her, assuring her that he wasn’t going to abandon her just because she was the last one.

“You are my heir, Sakura. Be proud.”

“Thank you, Kakashi-sensei.”

Sakura shoulders her pack when the injured kiri-nin is awake and suitably healed by the week’s end. “Thank you, I don’t-” She waves the kiri-nin’s words away and disappears into the mist.

Her feet pauses on the Great Naruto Bridge.They serve Great Naruto Ramen on the Great Naruto Bridge. Sakura bursts into laughter as she eats the large pieces of naruto from her bowl of ramen.

‘If only Naruto could see this now,’ she thinks. ‘The Great Naruto serving Great Naruto Ramen on the Great Naruto Bridge.’

Sakura dreams of Naruto that night, the twelve year old Naruto bounding down the road in his bright orange outfit.

“We’re not giving up on our mission. A shinobi never gives up!”

She had forgotten about Naruto’s shinobi motto and as much as she wants to deny it, she isn’t fixing her problems by running away from it. Naruto wouldn’t have run from it, or at least Sakura thinks he wouldn’t. He was the most headstrong ninja she had ever met. The brother she always wanted.

“We have to stop him, Sakura-chan. It’s our responsibility.”

Naruto, in the end, had to back down on saving Sasuke in order to save the rest of his precious people. She knew it hurt him deeply, but he never showed it. His smiles had brightened the medic shelters. Naruto who never stopped working towards being a Hokage despite everyone’s disbelief.

“Ero-jiji told me once that a shinobi's life is not measured by how they lived but rather what they managed to accomplish before their death. She’s… dead right? The fourth shinobi war has ended… right? I did… okay, right?”

Naruto wouldn’t have wanted her to waste her away like this, to pine for him, for Kakashi-sensei, for those lost and gone. How could she not?

Sakura sits in front of the grave of the first shinobis that team seven killed. The first C-rank mission that started them on their path. She was weak then, she is still weak now.

Sakura looks at her hands, the hands that saved everyone except for the people that matter the most. What was the point of having these hands if she was going to lose everyone anyway?

“It’s okay. We’re here.”

Shikamaru who came for her to make sure she wasn’t passed out somewhere, Ino who worried enough to prod him into doing so for her. Ino must have given birth by now, Sakura remembers belatedly, and she wasn’t there for the birth of Ino's first child. What a terrible friend she is. She looks up and catches the tiny patch of bright blue sky amidst the heavy clouds, the bright blue sky that reminds her of Naruto’s eyes. The days have been growing in length too, the leaves are turning into a lush green. Sakura can feel the heat beat down on her now.

Then Sakura stops running.

The first patrol that finds her stops and stares - like they’re surprised to see her and they probably are. She’s been gone without leave for a long time. Even though she’s never done anything against Konoha or scratched out her hitai-te, it is right for them to label her as a missing-nin.

“Haruno Sakura?” the one in the sparrow’s mask asks. She nods. The four exchange a flurry of hand signals, all too fast for her to catch - then again, Sakura isn’t even trying. “Mouse will escort you to the Hokage’s office.”

Tree jumping on the Hashirama trees is something she missed, along with Ichiraku ramen. A pang of grief crawls over her shoulders, reminding her that Ichiraku ramen doesn’t exist anymore. The large gate looms into the horizon as they approach it. It’s larger than she remembers - the painted green gates with the nostalgic ‘peace’ painted on.

Her anbu escort skips her over the queue, right to where Kotetsu blinks at her identification card and back at her face. “Haruno Sakura?” He opens his mouth to ask more questions but is stopped when another anbu drops from the trees beside him.

“Go ahead.” The newly arrived anbu waves her on.

Sakura follows the anbu’s instructions, except she can’t help but think that they should have had a different reaction.

It is like she was not even missed.

She swallows, trying to press down the rising bile in her stomach. Would she be trialed for her disappearance, was she labelled as a missing-nin? Cold seeps into her limbs the longer she thinks about it. Part of her insists on turning and running away, the other part reminds her of Naruto. Sakura looks down. She’s wearing a dark blue sweater and pants, civilian wear mimicking a jounin outfit for her jounin uniform had long been worn into threads. Her hair is no longer the pastel pink that once was her iconic appearance. She rubs a thumb across her ID.

This Haruno Sakura isn’t her anymore.

Mouse, her anbu escort, cuts through the training grounds, through training ground seven where she spent the better part of her teenage years training. Instead of the large fields and tall trees, the training ground is now filled with sand and large rocks. It’s different. Everything is different.

She falters on a branch as the city and the main administration buildings comes into view.

They’re still red with red roof tiles, but it’s different, all of it. Taller, larger, bigger, not the three storey sprawl of buildings that she was used to.

“Haruno Sakura?” Mouse asks, his low baritone breaking into her war of thoughts.

Everything has moved on without her and she doesn’t fault them. How is Ino? How is Shikamaru? How is Hinata? Has she found one else? How is the hospital and Shizune? Would she be accepted back? She laughs - a mirthless, hard laugh. “W-would they even take me back?” she starts, unable to hold back the tide of questions. “Is there space for me? This is all my fault, I shouldn’t have run, I knew that. I just couldn’t take it. Ino must hate me, Kage, she must hate me so much. That I wasn’t strong enough, that I wasn’t-”

Mouse shakes her so hard that her teeth rattles. “Sakura, stop it.”

“I wasn’t good enough, not enough for anyone. They must look down on me now, that’s why no one-”

“Sakura!”

Her words still on her tongue, the pain on her cheek shocks her from her word vomit.

“Are you with me now, or do I need to slap you again?” Mouse asks. She nods, unable to trust her voice. Mouse takes a deep breath and then curses. “Goddamnit Sakura. I had this whole tirade for you when you got back, you know?”

She recognizes his voice, the way he speaks. “Shikamaru?”

“You disappeared, Sakura. Do you know have any idea how we felt?” He grips her by the shoulders; bony, gloved fingers digging into her flesh, hard enough to bruise. “Do you have any idea how I felt?” Mouse shoves his mask up, scrubbing his face with great fury. He has lines of worry set in his face. Mouse - no, Shikamaru looks exhausted.

“It’s not like I asked you to!” she retorts. Guilt churns in her stomach as soon as she sees the look on Shikamaru’s face - like he had been slapped. “Shika-”

He waves her off, briskly setting their pace.

 They slide through the open window. The room is different from the time of Tsunade. Dark chakra-infused concrete lines the floor and instead of one table, there are four tables manned by shadow clones and one in the center that has to be the Alpha.

“Hokage-sama, Haruno Sakura has returned.” Shikamaru bows to the one sitting in the middle.

“That’s good.” Neji sighs and motions Sakura to come forward. “Are you better now?” he asks, instead of reprimanding her like she expects.

“I… I… yes.” Sakura purses her lips then asks the one question that has been on her mind since she started her way back. “W-what is my designation, Hokage-sama?”

His pale purple eyes sweep across her. Despite the fact that Neji had been the Hokage even before she left, Sakura is unable to get used to seeing him behind the desk. She has the feeling that Tsunade was going to bustle through the doors any minute now with a bottle of sake (or a lollipop, if Shizune caught her first) in her hand.

“Tsunade was gone from Konoha for over a decade. I’m sure we could have spared you a few years.”

“A- a… few years?”

“You were gone for two years, Sakura.” Neji pulls out several forms from a drawer and then stamps it. “Get a new ID done and fill out these forms. There are some temporary dorms you can use while you find an apartment. Mouse-” A smile spreads across his face. “Mouse will help you get settled, won’t you?”

“Hokage-sama-” Shikamaru says, and Neji cuts him off with a wave.

“Welcome back, Sakura. I’ll see you in a week.” 

The next morning, by the time Sakura is done with her new ID, Shikamaru is standing outside the room waiting for her in his normal jounin uniform.

“All done?” he asks, pushing off the wall.

“You know you don’t actually have to ‘get me settled’, right?”

His shoulders sag and he drags a breath from the cigarette. “I know that, it’s just that I don’t want to be volunteered to be Gai’s morning partner or Tenten’s weapons tester. I might be one or the other if I'm not with you.”

At his words, Sakura could not help but chuckle. All the time spent away from Konoha had made her forget about Neji’s ridiculous punishments for recalcitrant shinobis. “Is Konohamaru still Gai’s morning practice partner?” she asks, remembering how Konohamaru had frequently broken the rules while she was still in Konoha and how he had hobbled over to her apartment after every practice, begging to be healed.

“Well, thankfully no. I think Gai hasn’t had a morning partner lately. Even Kiba has been smart about it and picked two months worth of D-ranks instead.”

They turn at a corner and Shikamaru leans an elbow on the counter. “Obaa-san! Two coffees to go.” Shikamaru turns to her. “You still take your coffee black with two sugars?”

“Y-yes. I would like to know why you still remember that.”

“Well, eidetic memory, remember?” He shrugs and turns back to the old lady. “One black with two sugars and one with milk.”

Sakura hasn’t had coffee for so long, she forgotten how it tasted. Full-bodied, the dark tones melding with the molasses and slightly bitter aftertaste. Her last cup had been just before she left for that mission.

Shikamaru chuckles, breaking her out of her musing. “Sorry.” He hides his smile behind a hand, averting his eyes from hers. “I’ve never seen anyone lose themselves in a cup of coffee.”

“S-sorry-” Sakura flushes, taking another gulp of her coffee. “I- I just realised I haven’t had coffee since… since I left.” Taking another sip to distract herself, Sakura could feel her cheeks heat up. Her tongue, unused to talking, is constantly tripping on itself, and Shikamaru’s piercing gaze did not help her nerves.

The walk to the realtors is silent, nothing like the comfortable silence that Shikamaru and her shared before she left. Two years was a long time. Outside of Konoha, time had slipped passed her without realising it, but now that she was back, she could see all the differences - in the buildings, in the trees, in Shikamaru. His face is sharper now, baby fat replaced with lean lines and despite his slouch, Sakura could see his shoulders are broader.

She turns her face, keeping her eyes on the road in front of them when Shikamaru glances at her. What do you say to a friend you abandoned two years ago? Sakura searches her mind for something to say, only to turn up nothing.

“Have you thought of what kind of apartment you want?”

She hasn’t. The apartment she lived in before disappearing had been Kakashi’s, and even though she had stayed there for two years, Sakura did not change anything. She hadn’t wanted an apartment by herself. Team seven was supposed to come back and share a house.

Sakura shakes her head mutely, not quite trusting her voice.

“Well, that’s fine. Perhaps you’ll know what you want after we’ve looked at a few.”

It takes her two days to find a new apartment that isn’t too far from the hospital and is close enough to a marketplace. With two rooms and a large living room leading into a kitchen, it is nothing like Kakashi’s old apartment. Ino bustles in, barely an hour after Shikamaru left, carrying several potted plants with her husband, Genma, behind carrying a couch.

“You need plants to brighten the place up,” Ino tells her like she’s never left Konoha, then motions to Genma to place the couch down.

“Ino-”

Ino angrily taps Sakura on forehead with enough force to leave a bruise then pulls her into a tight hug. “How dare you leave us, Forehead! I won’t allow you leaving like that again!”

“I- I’m sorry,” she tells Ino, her face hidden in Ino’s shoulder.

“You’ve no idea how worried we were!”

Genma chuckles, “Sakura-chan. Shikamaru and I were ordered by Ino to find you. We even had to call in the Inuzukas and the Aburames. You’re pretty good at hiding your scent.”

Ino shoots her husband a look. “Of course she is. Had she not been an outstanding medic, Sakura would have been the next Anbu Commander.”

“Ino! You’re not supposed to tell people-”

“Genma’s Anbu too and there are no secrets between us,” Ino says indignantly and clasps her hands on Sakura’s shoulders. “There are no secrets between us. Do you understand that? I don’t care how you hid yourself or where you went, you’re gonna tell me everything.”

She flicks her hair over her shoulders. “After all, while you were out gallivanting, poor me was stuck in Konoha with swollen ankles! Without my medic to help ease them.” Ino fakes a sob. “You haven’t even gotten to see your godson!”

“You-you have a s-son?” Sakura smiles wistfully, trying to imagine how Ino’s son would look.

Ino’s eyes soften. “He has Genma’s hair and my eyes, of course. I can show you later, he’s having his afternoon nap now. But first, we need to get you new clothes.” She picks at the standard jounin outfit that Sakura had just received with a look of disgust. “Standard outfits are all fine and dandy for fieldwear, but you are not wearing that when you’re off duty.”

Gripping Sakura’s hand, she spins to the door. “We’re going-”

“-Shopping, I heard you,” Genma says. The senbon in his mouth lifts with his grin. “I’ll be here for when Shikamaru comes back.” 

There are boxes in her apartment when she and Ino return three hours later. Genma hefts another box off his shoulders and drops it onto a neat tower.

“That’s the last box,” he tells Shikamaru

“What are these?” Sakura asks, peering at the labels on the boxes. Written on the boxes are the words ‘Kitchen’, ‘Books’, ‘Clothes’ and all in Shikamaru’s scrawny handwriting. She traces the words out with a finger, turning her head to Shikamaru. “A-are these…”

“Well, you were gone for awhile and…” he trails off, rubbing the back of his neck uncomfortably. Sakura knows what he is thinking even without him finishing the rest of the sentence, but the idea that her friends had kept her stuff surprises her.

They weren’t there from the beginning, but they were there for the end, she corrects herself.

“You kept them?”

Ino scoffs loudly, folding her arms. “The landlord wanted to throw your stuff out, so Shikamaru took them.”

“Ino didn’t have space for your boxes because of Inojin, so she forced me to take them in,” Shikamaru amends Ino’s conclusion.

Unsure of how to react to their consideration, Sakura turns to the boxes, missing the angry glare Ino shoots at Shikamaru. There is the team seven photo wrapped carefully in bubble wrap in the first box she opens. Not the team seven with the traitor in it, but the one with Captain Tenzou and Sai in it. She peels it open, rubbing a finger over Kakashi’s face. His face looking resigned, his hair partly singed while Tenzou was leaping into the air to get away from the ink lions that Sai had drawn.

She remembers that training session. She remembers Kakashi teaching Sai a fire jutsu, who then turned around and tried to burn Kakashi.

“Sai! We’re on the same team. Same team!” Kakashi yelps, quickly casting a water jutsu to put out the fire, but not fast enough as it burns half of his hair away.

“That is for the four hour wait for last week. Ugly says that revenge is part of team dynamics.”

“Good job Sai!” Naruto crows from the other side of the field.

“It wasn’t for you, Dickless.”

“Stop calling me that! Or do I need to show you my dick again- wait wait, Sakura. No! Let me explain!”

“Are you okay?” Shikamaru asks, putting a hand on her shoulder.

Sakura brushes the tears away and hugs him, then Ino. “Thank you. Thank you so much.”

Instead of being put back on the mission roster, Sakura throws herself back into fixing the hospital. It had been her responsibility after the war. Sakura doesn't think that being the most skilful medic means that she should be in charge of the hospital. Masashiro had been a far better administrator than she would ever be. Still, with politics and all, it means that because she was Tsunade's apprentice, Sakura is now the head of the hospital. Though she never wanted to be.

Sakura shuffles the papers, rifling through them as she rearranges them and stamps her seal of approval. The war and her subsequent departure had given her a taste of the field.

Still, Neji - Rokudaime - had requested her to be here. To heal, to set roots down perhaps, Neji had always been someone she couldn't read.

A bento appears on her table and she looks up blearily. "Shika?"

"It's dinner," he drawls. Shikamaru moves a stack of files from a seat and flops into it with a groan.

"Dinner? It's not dinner time yet..."

Shikamaru huffs an amused huff. "How troublesome, I knew you would forget to eat. It's eight pm, woman." He unpacks the bento and sets it in front of her before doing the same for himself. "Ino made your favourites and ordered me to make sure you finish your food."

Sliced lotus stir-fried with strips of pork and seaweed, thick slices of eggplant with fish and rolled omelette, the way she love it. When was the last time she had stir-fried lotus? She picks it up, stuffing into her mouth, and stuffs an eggplant in too. Not as good as how Kakashi-sensei prepared it, but it is very close.

Shikamaru quirks a smile and pushes his bento to her. "You can take mine."

"But what about you?" Sakura asks, swallowing a mouthful of rice.

"It's fine. I'll get ramen on my way home," he says, getting to his feet. "Don't stay too long here. If you stay too long, Ino will nag at me to drag you home. Workaholic!" Shikamaru claps her shoulder with a laugh and heat floods her face.

"I'm not a workaholic!"

"Yes, yes. You did not sleep here last night."

"How did you-" Sakura buries her face in her hands. "It's you! You're the one who tattled to Ino!"

"Don't stay too late!" He smirks, slamming the door behind him.

"Stupid Shika!"

 She skids backwards, launching herself at Kakashi even as he falls. To go up against a Goddess has to be on the top of the most insane things she had ever done, but insanity has always been what Team Seven deals in.

Sakura can see claws run through Kakashi’s torso. Too much, too deep. The possibility of Kakashi surviving is far too low for her liking. Her hands are gleaming with green medical chakra when she reaches him. Her heart sinks as she takes in his extensive injuries. Even with the Byakugo seal, there is a high chance of her failing.

“Kakashi-sensei...”

She reaches deep into her reserves, desperately trying to reconnect the pierced organs back together. She can do this. She can save him. She can-

Kakashi’s hand wraps around her wrist. “Sa- ku- ra…”

“Don’t talk, you idiot!”

She ducks as Naruto is thrown towards her. The blood on her hands makes it slippery and hard to hold onto the parts that she is trying to reconnect.

“Stay with me, sensei.” She channels more chakra into her healing, even releasing her Byakugo for the extra boost. Kakashi is the strongest shinobi she has ever known. If he falls in battle, then what about her? What about the rest of them? “Please, Kakashi-sensei… Rule number two. Don’t die.”

His hands slips off hers, falling limply to the ground, and she lets off a keening wail.

She has to- has to-

Sakura gets up to join the fight. It’s just Naruto and her left. The Goddess is gone, but Naruto-

Oh kage, not Naruto too. No, no, NO. Not him too.

She wakes with a sob at the back of her throat. Her gasps fill the silence of the room. Sakura leaps out of her window, her bare feet scampering across the rooftops.

“Sakura? It’s two in the morning,” Shikamaru yawns, shifting so that she can squeeze in beside him.

“There, there.” He pats her head sleepily. “Nara’s here to keep the shadows away,” he murmurs, eyes already closing before Sakura can even crawl under the blanket. Tucked in the blanket smelling of him, Sakura finally fades into a deep sleep.

“I was wondering whose cold feet was that on my calves.” Sakura wakes up to the low baritone sighing in her ears.

“Shika?” Sakura yawns, then realises that her arms are wrapped around him. “S-sorry!” She backs away quickly, almost falling off the bed had Shikamaru not caught her in time.

“Don’t start your day with a concussion. That’d be so troublesome.”

“Everything to you is troublesome,” Sakura says cheekily.

His eyes softens for a moment, his lips hitching up at the corner, and she felt the breath catch in her lungs. When she left Konoha, she had been too blind to see the things she left behind, too consumed in her grief to see anything beyond it. How had she missed it?

Shikamaru smirks, grabbing her by the waist and hauling her over his shoulder. “Too early for deep thoughts, Sakura!”

“I- I wasn’t thinking deep thoughts.” She could feel a flush start in her cheeks and climb down to the back of her neck. She had been thinking of the tug in her heart when she saw him smile.

“Yea, sure,” he drawls. “You weren’t.”

He dumps her at the kitchen table and tosses her a shirt too large to be anything but his. “Come on, since you crashed my bed, it’s time for you to pay rental fee in breakfast, troublesome woman.”

“I- Inojin really acts more like you than Genma.” Sakura smiles as she watches the brown haired baby drag his stuffed deer across the living room.

“Kage, I hope so. Can you imagine him having Genma’s personality? He would be breaking hearts before he even gets into academy,” Ino grouses, rubbing her growing belly. “Ahh, I swear Genma is trying to repopulate Konoha without my knowledge. The morning sickness is so bad.”

Sakura rubs some medical chakra across Ino’s stomach, carefully checking the fetus.

“Well? How is she?” Ino asks, a slightly anxious tone tinging her voice. “What’s wrong with my baby, Sakura?”

Sakura rubs her nose bridge. “Well…” she starts, trying to make sure she read the feedback properly. “There isn’t anything wrong with your baby per se. It’s just that you should be calling them babies instead of baby.”

Ino lifts an eyebrow. “Are you saying I might be having twins?”

“No, I’m saying you are having triplets. There are three growing chakra coils in your womb. I had to double check to be sure.” She shrugs, taking a seat beside Inojin.

Ino sinks into her couch, her face paling at Sakura’ revelation. “Oh… oh kage, I’m going to kill Genma.”

“It’s not so bad, at least you and Genma are going to be three steps closer to repopulating Konoha with your offspring.” She helps Inojin stack the blocks and he blabbers to her excitedly, pointing to each block.

“Then what about you?” Ino teases back, nudging a toe into her ribs. “I’ve seen the way you look at Shikamaru.”

Sakura holds her hand out, letting Inojin put his blocks into her hand and back into the container. Ino has seen the way she looked at Shikamaru? What does she mean by that? Sakura hasn’t looked at Shikamaru any differently from her usual way. Unsure on how to respond to Ino’s question after musing on it for awhile, she cocks her head at Ino with a puzzled look. “What do you mean?”

“Well…” Ino grins. “For starters, you have that crinkle when you see him. Is there anything going on between you two?”

The memory of waking up to Shikamaru smiling at her, his hair spread out across the pillow. Her eyes wander from the domesticity of Ino’s house. It isn’t very hard for Sakura to imagine all this belonging to her. Out in the wilderness, while she was tramping across the continents, she had occasionally missed the Sunday afternoons in Ino’s shop and Friday evenings feeding the deer in the Nara forest.

Waking up next to Shikamaru…

Sakura tucks her chin into her neck, focusing on helping Inojin stack his blocks. There is a sense of contentment in that idea. An idea that she wouldn’t be unwilling to follow, but Shikamaru probably doesn’t see her that way. She has been Ino’s friend for the better half of their relationship and Shikamaru does consider Ino his unofficial sister.

Ino isn’t put off by her silence. Sakura knows she’s a far cry from her pre-shinobi war days or even her post-shinobi war period. It worries Ino, and when it worries Ino, she always sends Shikamaru over to harangue her into visiting or something. Sakura’s just used to not talking that much now and though she craved human contact during her travels, sometimes in the village the amount of people on the streets makes her nervous.

“You know, Ino. You should stop nagging at Shikamaru to nag at me.” Sakura feels bad for all the times that Shikamaru has been forced by Ino to come over. She knows Shikamaru would never really say ‘no’ to Ino, especially not how they had lost Chouji in the war.

Ino looks amused, hands twined on her stomach. “You think I do that, but I don’t.” Her lips twists wryly.

“Oh,” Sakura replies faintly, not really sure how to take in her words. Could she be overthinking it? She hasn’t even noticed Shikamaru until recently and Shikamaru has always been like that. No, she pushes the small bloom of hope in her chest. She has to be simply overthinking it.

“-you have to tell her!” Sakura catches Ino’s voice as she rounds the corner. Her feet still when Shikamaru’s irritated voice answers Ino.

“Tell her what?”

“Tell her you love her! She’ll never make a move if you don’t.” Ino’s reply jars the cracks in her heart. She had hoped that Shikamaru would come to like her as more than a friend, she hadn’t taken into account Shikamaru already loving someone else.

“I won’t. I didn’t do all those things because I wanted her to be with me, I did it because she would be happy. She’s not ready for a relationship. If I made a move and she rejects me, then she would have no one to lean on. I’m not going to do that to her, Ino.”

Sakura always knew Shikamaru was that sort of man. Her heart lurches at his words, wishing she had done something first. Maybe if she had stayed in Konoha, maybe if she hadn’t left- Her fingers claw into her white medic skirt.

“Shikamaru…” Ino’s voice murmurs and Sakura can hear Ino stepping forward. “I’ve seen the way she looked at you…”

Oh kage, the girl loves Shikamaru back. She-

Sakura takes a shuddering breath, the records in her hands falling onto the ground with a loud thump.

“Who’s there?” Shikamaru commands, slamming the door open. “Saku… ra?”

She’s not ready for this. If she had stayed in Konoha maybe things would be different! Coward, her mind whispers as she swivels around and leaps out of the window.

“Wait! Shit!”

If there’s anything to be gained from her… journey, it is that her speed and stamina are better now. She can feel Shikamaru chasing after her, rooftop after rooftop, but she’s not ready to look at him now. Shikamaru loves the girl with all his heart. There will never be space for her. She has to be happy for him. He’ll get a happy ending, especially with what Ino just told him.

So happy.

The thought brings hot frustrated tears to her eyes and she swipes them away with great fury. She should be happy for Shikamaru.

Eventually she senses Shikamaru’s presence disappear from her range. She wedges herself on a tree branch in an isolated training ground.

She’ll cry now, and the next time she sees Shikamaru, she will smile and be happy for him. Like a friend would, she tells herself.

Her shoulders shake with each stuttering gasp.

She will smile.

A fresh wave of tears rolls down her face and before she can tuck her face back into her arms to cry, her body freezes. Her head turns to look down at the lone figure delineated by the sunset.

“Come on Sakura, just… hear me out, okay?” He runs a hand down his face.

“No- leave me alone.” She wants to run away but Shikamaru has her trapped in a body paralysing jutsu.

“Just hear me out, and if you still don’t want to talk to me after that, I’ll go away and never bother you again.”

Her eyes heat up again with another wave of tears at the idea of Shikamaru never being in her life again. She doesn’t think she could stand that. He is the one she came back for.

“Don’t cry!” Shikamaru says in a panic. “Please don’t cry.”

“I can’t help it,” she sniffs, and he sighs loudly.

“Look,” he starts and then stops, pushing a frustrated hand through his hair. “I don’t know when it started. All I know is that one day you were there and the next you weren’t. And all I could think was of you. I didn’t realise it until you were gone, that I was… I was in love with you. But I- I didn’t want you to think that I was doing all that for something. I just-”

Shikamaru lets out an exasperated growl. “I just wanted you to be happy, okay? You were hurting and I wanted to be there for you.”

“You love me?” Sakura asks, not believing her ears.

“Yes, damnit Sakura. I love you. Maybe for three years, maybe since academy. I don’t know.” Shikamaru looks up and she can see the curve of his lips as he gazes her. “But there’s this warm feeling in me when I look at you that tells me everything is right.”

Even with the yellows and reds tinting the light, Sakura could see the blush all the way to his ears.

“Shikamaru… please release me.”

A disappointed look floods his face and he nods, placing his fingers together to form the jutsu release seal. Sakura stands, heart thumping loudly in her ears. Shikamaru has already confessed, she has to tell him too.

She lands in front of him and she opens her mouth for words she can’t find.

Shikamaru gives her a sad look and shakes his head. “It’s okay, Sakura. It’s okay if you don’t feel the same.” He turns from her, his broad shoulders casting a shadow onto her. Sakura grabs his vest, halting his steps.

“Shikamaru- I- I-”

He rubs her head. “It’s okay, Sakura. I knew it was a possibility that you didn’t love me back and if it makes you uncomfortable, I can stop. I just-”

“No! I- I came back for you. I came back to Konoha because of you,” Sakura says in a rush before he leaves. “Be-because you were always there and I never noticed. I came back for you but I stayed because I realised I loved you.”

“You love me?” He laughs and turns to pulls her in, tight. “She loves me!”

Shikamaru spins her around and then cups her chin, his thumb stroking her cheek. “May I kiss you?”

Instead of replying, she tugs him down by his jounin vest collar, capturing his lips with hers.

When they break apart, she rests her forehead against his collarbone and he strokes her hair gently. “I’m sorry I took so long,” she murmurs. “Why did I wait so long?”

“Because you’re troublesome,” he tells her, grinning.

She whacks him in the ribs and kisses him again.

[ladyiceflame-blog]

An Inconvenient Wedding:

Chapter Ten:  Recon and Revelation

“So,” the sober little pug began, as he took a moment to scratch behind an ear,  “Who is this ‘Asaito,’ exactly, and why are we spying on him?” “You...you can....talk?!” Naruto acknowledged immediately.  For once, speaking on account of the others who seemed equally surprised. “Of course I can talk!” Pakkun huffed in annoyance.  “I am a master-level ninken, aren’t I?” “But....Kiba’s Akamaru doesn’t speak....does he?” Sakura pressed. “Not that I’ve noticed,” Sasuke admitted.  “But Kiba seems to understand him.” “The Inuzuka all have this ability to communicate with dogs.  But summoned ninken can speak the human tongue,” Pakkun regaled.  “Now, who is Asaito?” “He’s a jonin from the Land of Water, who is going to marry the Lady Ice Flame tomorrow,” Sakura provided. “I think I may have heard of this woman before...” the pug mused aloud.  “Isn’t she some kind of wandering shinobi...?” “She is,” Naruto returned.  “Although, most call her Miriyume.” “Miriyume?!?” the pug gasped, his half-lidded eyes going suddenly wide.  “...from Shimogakure?” “Um-hmm,” Sasuke answered, wearing a smug smile.  “You know of her, then.  Have you met her?” “Unfortunately, I have not.  But my master mourned that name, long ago.  I was just a puppy.  He was very sad.”  There was a tinge of whimper in his voice. “Well, Kaka-sensei’s still sad, because she’s about to get hitched to a total dirt-bag!” Naruto reported, “and we’ve got one night left to convince her of it!” “Asaito is very reclusive and paranoid,” Sakura chimed in.  “No one has really seen him in person, despite being camped here for the last couple of days.” “And he has a creepy old monk working for him, too,” Naruto added.   “Miriyume’s team mates don’t even seem to like this guy,’ Sasuke continued.  “Despite this being some ‘mutual arrangement’.  They say it’s a marriage of politics, but she doesn’t seem to know much about his causes, or beliefs...” “Or his face!” Naruto scoffed. “And tonight will be the first night that they meet each other,” Sakura picked up again.  “How can a marriage be so...cold?  They’re basically strangers!  It doesn’t make sense...” “Matters concerning the Mist...and love in general, seldom do,” Pakkun quipped.  “But let’s attempt to find some answers.” As the three genin led Pakkun stealthily toward their target campsite, another keen nose caught whiff of their passage. “And just where are you guys sneaking off to...?” Kiba called out, before stepping out of the shadows of some trees ahead of them. “We’re on a mission, Kiba!” Naruto snapped back. “...On our sensei’s orders,” Sasuke added.  “And stealth is key, so don’t cause a scene.”  His eyes flashed briefly with a menacing red hue. “‘Stealth,’ You say...?” Kiba chuckled back, as Akamaru and Pakkun exchanged canine pleasantries, “Then why is Naruto involved?” “Because he’s part of out team, you flea-farm!” Sakura riposted. “Kiba takes great pride in his grooming,” a deep, flat voice lectured from above, before dropping down beside the pink-haired genin.  “There are no fleas on his or Akamaru’s person, ever.” “Shino!” Sakura jumped back, bumping up against a mildly irritated Sasuke.  “You nearly gave me a heart-attack!” “Then Hinata-sama had better come out from behind that camphor tree before anyone else gets scared....” Pakkun suggested. Meekly, Hinata crept from the cover of the wide bole, and stood beside Kiba, her pale cheeks flushed as pink as Sakura’s hair. “Can we trust you to cover our absence in camp?” Sasuke asked. Kiba snorted back in derision.  “With the Hokage and our sensei gone, no one is going to miss us.  So why don’t you tell us more about this ‘mission’?” He bent down to pick up Akamaru, and let him climb onto the top of his hooded head.  “We’re bored.” “How about we don’t!” Naruto countered. “How about we just follow you, and figure it out for ourselves?” Kiba returned.  “Tracking and spying is our speciality, after all.  Not that you three are posing much of a challenge....” “Take that puppy off of your head, and I’ll give you a challenge!” Naruto fumed. “No, wait, Kiba’s right,” Sasuke decided suddenly, putting a hand on Naruto’s shoulder.  “They are better at spying.  They can help us.” “They can be our perimeter watch,” Sakura agreed, “...and our early warning system, for when Asaito’s party returns.” “So you mean to spy on the Land of Water compound,” Shino sussed aloud. “We do,” Sasuke admitted. “On....on....Tsuroyuni-sama.....Asaito?” Hinata asked nervously. “Uh-huh,” Naruto answered.  “Rumor has it that he’s a scum-bag.” “He.  He....is,” Hinata returned, shocking everyone. The formal feast hall was a summoned structure of crimson silk walls and curtained doors.  It seemed a little out of place amongst the yurts and tents surrounding it.  Warm lights from within had turned the long, rectangular space into a massive lamp against the fast-encroaching twilight. Wakame was at a door positioned in the middle of the silken tent, standing with a pair of Shimogakuran shinobi.  She immediately beckoned them. “Ah, Hiruzen-sama!” she greeted warmly.  “We get to sit together, because I made the seating arrangements!  Although, I seem to have neglected to find an honor guard for myself.” “Kurenai-san and Kakashi-san will come to your aid if needed, have no doubts,” Hiruzen assured.  “You don’t foresee any trouble, do you, Wakame-san?” “Only if the dessert chef has been over indulging himself in the brandy again....” Wakame laughed.  “Please, come in...” As they stepped past the scarlet curtains, Kurenai gasped softly in wonder at the interior.  Dozens of golden lanterns suffused the space with a welcoming, radiant light.  A long, ebony table, laid with elegant ceramic, crystal, lacquered chopsticks, and embroidered linen sat at knee-height, surrounded by decadent-looking velvet cushions. Directly opposite them, already seated on two of the cushions, was the Shimokhan and his wife, the Heron Sage-Priestess.  Another pair of Shimogakuran nin stood behind them. “Ah!  Hiruzen-sama!” Ryuumaru greeted heartily, raising his sake cup in salute, as Wakame prompted him to sit down beside her.  “You’ve always been a punctual kind of fellow.  I wish I could say the same of my daughter....or my soon-to-be son-in-law...” he grumbled. “Settle down, beloved, or your sake drinking privileges shall be revoked for the evening,” the almost otherworldly beautiful woman beside him chided softly.  Her skin was as pale as moonlight.  Her hair was a long cascade of lavender that had been plaited into a thick braid, ending in a silver heron ornament.  She was wearing a high-collared hime kimono, in the Yaseiarashi colors of indigo and silver, printed with the three pronged clan seal.  A large banner behind the couple echoed these motifs. And for the first time, Kakashi was able to see the color of her eyes: a solid, arresting shade of golden green that called to mind images of morning sunlight, filtering through summer oak leaves.  And there was a definite power in those eyes... “Renara-sama...” Hiruzen began with a soft sigh, “The rumors are true.  Your beauty is ageless.” The Heron Sage Priestess smiled demurely at the compliment.  “Hiruzen-sama remains ever the flatterer....” “Alright, now, stop flirting with my wife,” the Shimokhan demanded with a playful gruffness.  “Would your shinobi care for some sake before dinner begins?  It will be their last chance to partake of anything until after we’ve eaten...due to some byzantine custom of established marriage etiquette, I’m afraid.” A gentle nudge from Renara prompted him to add, “...or tea, perhaps?  Renara-chan has brought one of her custom blends....” “Some tea would be lovely,” Kurenai answered. “And you....?” Ryuumaru turned his hawk-like eyes on Kakashi. “Out of respect for both my hosts, I will have some of both,” he replied. “Excellent answer!” the Head Ninja of Shimogakure cheered, as a young chamberlain went off to get the drinks. “Now, permit me to make some quick introductions.  First of all, my beautiful wife, the Heron Sage-Priestess, the resplendent Lady Renara,” taking her pale hand and kissing it.  “Mother of the Bride, spouse of a salt-crusted old fool.” “I relish salt,” Renara returned sweetly. “Behind us are Nobu Madarame and Hyozan Shirogane.  Nobu-san was the same year as Miri-chan.  Hyozan-san was a few years behind.” “Was she a close friend of yours?” Kurenai asked, regarding Nobu, and accepting her tea. “We all were close friends,” Hyozan answered for him.  “....Mat-kun, Gek-kun, all of us.  Shimogakure is a small village...” “When Shimokhan-sama said that Miri-sama and I were in the same year, he was speaking definitively,” Nobu added.  “Her and I were the only new genin that year.” “Only two genin in a class?!” Hiruzen gasped.  “I believe this last year, we had nine!” “We often must wait years before assembling a genin team, due to our low population,” Wakame added.  “Some never get the chance, like me.” “Well, I, for one, envy your academy’s ability to devote so much more time to their students,” Hiruzen returned.   “Miri-sama sure didn’t...” Nobu chuckled, before receiving a sharp look from his Head Ninja.  “Sorry, Khan.” The Hokage cleared his throat: “Allow me to introduce the shinobi accompanying me tonight, Kurenai Yuhi, and Kakashi Hatake.  Both, I believe, are about the same year as your daughter and Nobu-san.” “Kakashi.....” Renara began, as if recalling some distant memory, “....of the Copy-Wheel Eye?” “I am called that, yes,” Kakashi returned, as he turned back around from his guarded sip of the proffered sake.  He raised his headband a touch to allow her a glimpse of the eye that gave him that moniker. Renara nodded in gratitude, and continued as he replaced his headband.  A servant exchanged his sake cup for a tea cup.  “...also, Hero of the Sharingan....and White Fang’s Cub...” she elaborated, giving her husband a pointed look. Ryuumaru drew a sharp breath, and locked his gaze on the grey-haired jonin.  “That’s why he’s so damn familiar!  He looks just like him!  You’re Sakumo’s boy!” Kakashi’s exposed eye betrayed his surprise.  “You....knew of my father?” “Knew him?!  I owed the man my life!  It was his talent with a sword that prevented Renara-sama from becoming a widow!”  Ryuumaru’s face fell slightly, as he remembered the nature of his friend’s departure from this world.  “My grief prevented me from uttering his name for nearly three years...after I’d gotten word of his passing.” “Such an incongruent custom, for such an eminently gregarious country,” observed an oily new voice in the tent.  The messenger monk of the Tsuroyuni household had arrived, creeping out of  the shadows of the curtained doors on the far left.   “The incongruence directly reflects our somber attitude toward death, Oda-sama,” Renara returned.  “But let us not speak of such things before a wedding.  It is bad luck.” “I am in agreement, my lady,” Oda took a moment to regard the furnishings, eyeing the empty cushion under the banner bearing the emblem of Water. “We seem to be missing a couple of key guests here tonight,” the unsavory monk observed, “For instance, a bride?” “Shimogakuran brides always enter last, Oda-sama!” came a familiar, strident male voice from the curtained area on the far right.  “Its another of our ‘incongruent customs’....” “Gekido-san!” Wakame censured sharply, as she stood and moved to stand beside a braided cord on the right side of the room, under the Frost banner.  Oda had positioned himself beside a matching one on the left. Ryuumaru chuckled to himself, muttering, “I love that boy,” before being nudged to respectful silence by his wife. Miriyume had been watching from the shadows, Kakashi suddenly realized, straightening his stance.   “Then out of the deepest respect for the bride, let me proudly present the groom, the Lord Asaito Tsuroyuni!  Governor of the Koryomizu Prefecture, in the Land of Water!” Oda announced, and pulled the cord.  The silken curtains parted, from which first stepped a quartet of guards, dressed entirely in black, surmounted by light shinobi plate armor.  The katana that they carried didn’t soften their look any.  Then the groom stepped forward. Tall, slender, and the very essence of every woman’s darkest desire.  The half-smile on his clean-shaven, alabaster face spoke of a supreme self-confidence.  His straight carriage and unconscious grace attested to a noble lineage.  And his eyes: an odd shade of burgundy that made both Wakame and Kurenai gasp at the appealing promises that they hid in their depths, as they swallowed the golden light of the lanterns. His black yukata, embellished with silver symbols of longevity, was worn daringly open, revealing perfectly sculpted pectorals.  His raven, shoulder-length hair was best described as ‘stylishly tousled’.  Kakashi thought he looked like every playboy tempter he’d ever seen splayed over his Icha-Icha reading.... It was all too easy to see the immediate impact his appearance had on women.  Kurenai and Wakame were both agog.  Even the girls on the wait staff were awkwardly gawking.  The only woman who seemed immune to his ‘charms’ was Renara. The uncomfortable silence was broken by the man who had created it. “My heartfelt greetings, honored parents-to-be,” in an authoritative, yet genial tone that carried as easily as a temple bell.  “Long have I desired to meet the people responsible for bringing the Lady Ice Flame into the world.  You have my infinite gratitude,” ending the proclamation with a deeply respectful bow. Ryuumaru looked a little overwhelmed at the pronouncement.  “Well, then....you are most...welcome...” looking desperately to his wife. “Please, sit, and make yourself comfortable,” Renara continued. “Meaning no offense,” Asaito pardoned, “I wish to be standing when I first lay eyes upon my betrothed, if it isn’t too much to ask...?” “His pious discretion over the past few days has surely earned him this right....?” Oda lobbied from his seat beside Hiruzen. “I see no problem with it,” Ryuumaru returned, and nodded to Wakame. “Then it is with equal pride, and pleasure, that I present the Lady Ice Flame, Miriyume Yaseiarashi, the Storm Sage Priestess of Shimogakure!” The cord was pulled, the curtains parted, and the Lady Ice Flame stepped forth.  Only one word could form in Kakashi’s mind: sublime. She was wearing an indigo yukata that melted into the colors of her Land’s famed aurora borealis on the bottom hems of the long, bell sleeves and robe.  An obi of twinkling stars was tied in a butterfly knot right above her shapely, round hips.  Her top was also rather daringly open, permitting a delicious view of her overly generous bosom.  Her long, fiery hair had been pinned up into an elegant coiffure, and was festooned with a variety of ornaments, allowing a rare glimpse of her graceful, slender neck. Kakashi’s idle lungs suddenly sucked in a desperately needed breath, as she stood at the end of the table closest to him.  Her sapphire and emerald eyes were regarding the man that was to be her husband.  They squinted in appraisal. “Here I am,” she announced with a mischievous looking smirk on her plum-lacquered lips.  Her eyes then scanned over the others in the room, and brought a blush to Kakashi’s cheeks when they landed on him. “Your beauty from afar is undeniable, my Lady,” Asaito began, “But at this distance, you are utterly devastating,” placing a long fingered hand over his heart, and sunk to his knees, onto his cushion.  “I very nearly tremble at your majesty.” “She does clean up rather nice, doesn’t she, Mat-kun?” Gekido asided, as he and his teammate, including Aoseishin, of course, flanked Miriyume as she took her seat. “You cut a rather dashing figure, yourself, my Lord,” Miriyume purred, as she toyed with a strand of icy colored jade beads that hung against her bountiful decolletage.  “Very tall....very mysterious.  I am a fan of both these traits.” Kakashi bit his lip, powerless to do much else. “I lament the mystery by which I have been forced to live,” Asaito returned, his wine-dark eyes riveted to her.  “It has resulted in a lonely life.” “But there is word of great changes in the Land of Water,” Hiruzen began.  “New attitudes of acceptance and tolerance?” “Such changes–welcome as they are–can not happen overnight,” Asaito returned. “There are still many who would thwart, and even harm, my Lord simply because of his kekkei genkai...minor that it is,” Oda added. “And yet, you would request that my daughter, who is possessed of two kekkei genkai, of significant merit, tie her fate to this risk?” Ryuumaru countered. “Miriyume-sama’s safety would be paramount to my own, I can assure you,” Asaito returned, looking his prospective father-in-law directly in the eye.  “My island is a fortress that has never been breached.  Kirigakure can’t even make such a boast.” “No, they certainly can’t,” the Hokage seconded softly, giving a sly, sidelong glance to the man who had broken that village’s defenses numerous times, who was standing behind Wakame.  He noticed that Kakashi looked a little paler than normal... “And I am rather good at taking care of myself, Father,” Miriyume reminded playfully. “You most certainly can, my darling girl,” Ryuumaru agreed.  “But let a father indulge some concern for your well-being every once in awhile.” “Let us get this dinner started already, shall we?” Renara suggested, nodding at Wakame who got up again to ring a ceremonial gong. As a flurry of serving staff entered the room, Kakashi focused on projecting a stoic front in the light of this grueling torment.  He’d been hoping for some pudgy, over-privileged, noble prefect who had been awarded a jonin status simply because of caste, but this man looked like he could put up a good fight when motivated.  He also seemed to be rather attractive...  At least, Kurenai seemed to think so, what with her frequent glances in Asaito’s direction. Kakashi turned back toward Miriyume, desperate for some small clue to her inner thoughts.  She was radiant, shining brighter than any of the golden lanterns above them.  He watched as she gave Aoseishin a small scratch behind his thick, pointy ear, as he curled up at her side.  Again, her casual attitude in the face of rampant formality made him smile.  He began to feel the forbidding tendrils of his compounding misery loosen and fall away in the comforting light of her presence.  Was this her chakra at work again? He pulled the headband off of his left eye, and saw the languid curtains of iridescent light that always seemed to accompany her, suffusing her with natural chi, and winding about her companions.  Every once in awhile, a ribbon of her light would meander his direction, and grant him a light tingle of chakra, but her spiritual energy sharing seemed to concentrate mostly on the spaces beside her.  A steady rivulet of light seemed to be flowing toward her parents, however.  An alternating current effect from her father’s own abilities, perhaps? Ryuumaru’s chakra had an amber aura, and a more focused, tighter control.  He grounded his superfluous energy, and kept the nimbus that surrounded him snug against himself.  He seemed more of a furnace than a wellspring. The Heron Priestess received a small amount of his run-off energy, which transmuted to a pale jade glow.  The contemplation of which produced a calming, focusing effect upon Kakashi’s heart, reminding him of his official purpose: assess the danger.  He turned toward Asaito: There was a dull ember in his strange, chartreuse eyes that never seemed to stray beyond Miriyume for long.  He was indeed ‘desirous’ of this union.  The hunger behind them was too easily read.  Every once in awhile, Kakashi could see a flare of some kind of energy, lurking behind them, in response to a wayward eddy of Miriyume’s chakra.  Was this Asaito’s kekkei genkai? “This tea...” the Hokage began, savoring its scent as the others were being served.  “Such a familiar aroma....what is it?” “Its northern ginseng,” Renara answered.  “Renowned for its....stimulative properties.” “As if Miri-chan needs that...” Gekido quipped to Matsuko, who smacked the back of his head. On the other side of the table, one of Asaito’s personal guard stepped forward to take a sip from the tea cup offered to his employer. “We are not in the habit of poisoning our own food, Lord Asaito,” Ryuumaru announced gruffly, clearly insulted. “My deepest apologies, Yaseiarashi-sama,” Asaito begged, as he was handed the tea cup.  “I have always had a food-taster, for as long as I can remember.” “It’s a commonly instituted custom in the Land of Water,” Oda defended.  “One that I insist that my Lord practice at all times.” “It’s nothing personal, I assure you,” Asaito added. “They speak the truth, Father, Mother,” Miriyume vouched, as she sipped her tea.  Kakashi watched as she closed her eyes as she drank and swallowed.... like she was kissing the teacup.  He followed the exquisite contraction of her neck muscles....savored the gentle compression of her full, plum-hued lips to clear the moisture that had remained there.  “Everyone is paranoid.” “A habit born of the days of the Bloody Mist Academy, no doubt...” Kakashi offered, forgetting his stoicism for a moment.  Hiruzen shot him a concerned look.  Honor guards were only supposed to speak when directly addressed. “No doubt,” Miriyume granted with a nod. Hiruzen looked to the Oda and Asaito, correctly intuiting the spirit of Kakashi’s observation.  Oda was scowling.  Asaito’s face still bore that neutral smile, but his eyes seemed to grow a few shades darker, as he turned his attention to Hatake. Gods.  Of all the times for ‘Cold-Blooded Kakashi’ to warm up!  He could at least have the sense to hide these feelings in the presence of this notoriously mistrusting, and ever calculating man!  Time for a strategic conversation shift... “Has the Lord Tsuroyuni ever been to the Land of Fire, before now?” the Hokage asked, drawing Asaito’s predatory gaze away from his jonin.  The wait staff began to serve the soup course. “No, I have not,” Asaito answered.  “As a member of the First Caste, I am kept busy with administration duties.  I rarely have the chance to travel.” “Is that to say that you will be denying my daughter a proper Honeymoon?” Ryuumaru asked sternly.  “Shimogakuran’s take such decisions as an ill omen.” Oda lowered his head, and muttered softly in Hiruzen’s direction: “What don’t you take as an ill-omen...?” “Not at all,” Asaito smiled, after he flashed his monk a venomous glare.  “It will just be within the confines of our large and varied landscape.  There are several options that I’ve considered...” Miriyume gave a loud, exasperated sigh from across the table, and bit the inside of her lower lip, creating the most beautiful pout that Kakashi had ever seen.  “And here I was hoping for the Thousand Tongues....” Her father choked on his tea.  Wakame’s jaw dropped.  Her mother blushed and censured her with her own name.  Kakashi was struck numb, and nearly fell over.  Gekido, of course, erupted into laughter. “Um....Miri-chan...?” Matsuko was very confused.  “Did you just say...?” The Inuzuka won back the struggle to speak momentarily; “That’s probably....a discussion that you should have....at another time...!”  He shrieked the last part, and lost himself to laughter all over again. Aoseishin whined in confusion. Asaito looked pleasantly amused, raising a perfectly arched eyebrow. “I’m talking about a resort in the Kingdom of the Moon, you perverts!” Miriyume snapped. “Oh, thank Naru-kami....” Ryuumaru sighed. “It’s a series of sacred pools, connected by waterfalls,” the storm sage continued, “...which are said to be so naturally aerated that soaking in them feels like a thousand little tongues, licking your entire body.” There, Ice Flame thought inwardly.  That should cement his attention... “That’s still hardly a fitting subject for dinner, my dear,” Renara scolded gently. “Sounds like an experience I need,” Kurenai chuckled. “I may have to arrange a holiday for myself,” Hiruzen smiled up at the astute jonin, then regarded Kakashi, who still seemed to be reeling from Miriyume’s initial pronouncement. That was the Hatake clan for you: Excellent ninja, deplorable social skills.  No mystery as to why the clan was so small in number... “Kakashi,” the Hokage whispered softly, attempting to pull his eyes away from the Lady Ice Flame.  Perhaps he should have gone with a genin honor guard instead... “So....you’re Kakashi?” Asaito began, on hearing the Hokage’s attempt at discretion.  “Oda-sama has told me that you have done the Land of Water a great service, by ridding us of a certain notorious swordsman....?” “It is true,” Kakashi answered, and turned his Sharingan on Asaito’s burgundy eyes.  “Zabuza Momochi is no more.” “I am glad to hear of it,” Asaito returned flatly.  “The Demon of the Mist was....troublesome.” The Sharingan told him that he wasn’t lying.  It also told him that this man was far more dangerous than Zabuza ever had been.  The brief glimpse into his eerie eyes had landed him on the edge of a yawing chasm of utter void.  Bereft of love, hate, or emotion at all.  It was a coldness that had no place in the human heart.  Kakashi nearly shuddered in response. “Oda-sama also tells me that you have balked at the mention of a reward, but, I am a man of–“ he flicked his cold, cruel eyes at Miriyume briefly–“no ‘little’ means,” he announced playfully.  “Name your prize, and it is yours.” Kakashi was scowling so hard beneath his mask that his mouth and cheeks ached with the unconscious exertion.  The expression was fast creeping into his eyes. How dare he! Calling him out in front of his Hokage....in front of Miriyume, he seethed inwardly.  It was a stinging insult to shinobi character to insist that one fought only for money or reward! This scum wasn’t worthy of the title of jonin, or even shinobi.  And he certainly didn’t merit the Lady Ice Flame. “There is nothing I want that is in your power to give,” Kakashi carefully replied, and resumed his stoic posture. “Kakashi is a man of modest means, Lord Asaito,” Hiruzen placated, as he finished his bowl of miso and leek, “...and great integrity.  His devotion to duty is unparalleled in Konohagakure....” “...and as I said before,” Kakashi commandeered, to Sarutobi’s chagrin, “The safe return of my students was all the reward that I required.  So, please, stop offering.” “Very well, I tried,” Asaito sighed, and threw up his hands as the soup bowls were cleared. “Every man to his own peculiarities,” Ryuumaru observed aloud, and smiled warmly at Kakashi.  “ So long as they don’t harm anyone.  And I have the highest admiration for a shinobi who puts such importance on the welfare of their team, so I’ll be pouring you a cup of my private reserve whiskey later...and don’t you dare refuse me!” “I wouldn’t dream of it,” Kakashi returned, and reflexively looked to Miriyume–who was looking back, and with a rather wide-eyed expression.  Her arrested attention sent a twinge of electricity through his nerves, making him stagger a little. “You...and your team killed Zabuza?” Miriyume asked gently. “We...ushered him, and Haku, to their graves, my lady,” Kakashi replied even softer. She looked up to Matsuko and Gekido in turn, as if sharing a poignant collective memory.  “We tangled with them...a couple of times.  Only narrowly avoiding disaster.  I believe I’ll be drinking a toast to you as well...” Kakashi felt the tingling touch of her ambient chakra as she willed a luminescent ribbon his way.  His left eye permitted him to see it as it wound about his chest, emulating a hug.  He sighed in its embrace, at it infused him with renewed energy and hope.  Had the ‘kraken incident’ been forgiven? He’d send the remaining Seven Swordsmen single-handedly to their graves if it would win him more of her approval. The moment of private ecstasy was thwarted by Asaito:  “Which reminds me....” commanding the room’s attention, as the main course was brought out.  “I have very special gift for us alone to share, my darling.”  He then gestured to one of his guards. The man produced a blue glass wine bottle, painted with water lilies, and held it cradled in his hands as if it were a sacred object. “This,” Asaito continued, “...is a very rare, and very good bottle of Kirian sparkling wine, crafted by the famed winery of the Rolling Fog islands, set down in the time of the Nidame Mizukage.  Only a handful remain, and I’d like to share this one with you, my sparkling diamond of the Frost.” All eyes watched as the bottle was reverently opened, and poured into first Asaito’s crystal glass, and then Miriyume’s.  Both raised their goblets in salute to one another. “Kanpai!” Asaito began, and drank deeply while keeping his eyes on Miriyume, savoring the taste of the liquid, and the image of the woman equally. “Kanpai!” she echoed, clearly intrigued by the fizzy drink.  She brought the glass to her lips, but a swift hand snatched it away before it made contact.  She turned to confront the thief, but Gekido had already finished half of it. “You know,” handing the remainder of the wine back to an irate Miriyume, “...that is really good!”  He then turned a fierce glare upon Asaito, and added: “Nothing personal!”