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#sam and mary
cascigarette · 3 months
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mary wants to be forgiven. sam wants to forgive her.
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saintgirlchild · 4 months
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'pilot', supernatural, by eric kripke / 'lolita', by vladimir nabokov / 'in the beginning', supernatural, by eric kripke
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2.21 "When The Levee Breaks" | Fra Bartolommeo (1516) "Pieta" | Carvaggio (c. 1609) "The Raising of Lazarus"
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suncaptor · 2 years
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Feeling insane Sam makes his mom tea and tells her he understands what it's like to come back and not fit!? And then assumes he's a complete stranger to her and she's like yes there's so many blanks, but I loved you. I feel ill. Sam hears his mother tell him how he was loved. She fills in the biggest blank just being alive.
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samjgirl · 6 months
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thinking about how even jack spent more time with mary than sam (and she treated him more like a son than her own son 😭)
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transmascsam · 1 year
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s11e23, "Alpha and Omega" | s13e21, "Beat the Devil"
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eucharistsamruby · 1 month
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psalm 51:5
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mary and sam have so so much they could bond over why did we not see that in the show. both of them are killed traumatically and brought back from the dead due to supernatural forces outside of their control. and, specifically because dean needed or wanted them badly enough to bring them back. and both of them have the fear, the whole time, of what if i was brought back wrong.
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fandom-hoarder · 4 months
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Watching the neverending story ii with my kids...
Thinking about Sam and Dean watching this movie on a motel tv.
When Bastian loses his first memory of his mom:
Dean suddenly feels his heart lurch, the rug pulled out from under him, when he thinks about losing the few memories he has of Mary (because of magic, no less!).
Sam thinks in a spiral about how he doesn't even have memories of his mother NOW. He doesn't even get the luxury of memories from when he was a baby. John and Dean have them all.
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Ahh and I am back obsessing over Sam again! I kinda put him on the back burner once in a while (hahahaha unintentional Cage joke hahaha) but then starting obsessing over and over again. Right now I keep wondering about relation between Sam and Mary, mainly because I am trying to write chapter 3 of my fic His Fight where I want to put missing conversation between them from 13x22.. How deeply it is rooted in shame. Even before her resurrection - Sam would feel guilty about her death even as a kid, when every time he would dare to mention her would cause violent outburst from Dean or their father, kinda making him unworthy of even thinking about Mary. And how it got worse after Jess' death - now Sam knows that this pattern of deaths is stricly connected to him, he is the cause. But even more so the shame is shaping his relationship with Mary in season 12 forward. I keep thinking about the way he is introduced to her in season 12 - her little innocent boy bound, tortured and broken, violated and hallucinating to the point he is not sure if she or Dean are real. And just a kind reminder that (coincidentally?) Every. single. torture. Lady Bevell inflicted on him was the MIRROR of his experiences in the Cage - burning flesh, icy cold, hallucinations and of course sexual violence (merged with hallucinations - how many times Lucifer would twist Sam's mind into romantic scenarios where he would think HE WANTS Lucifer just to be confronted with terror of his situation after the act?). And if in the Cage at least the power disproportion between him and Satan himself was obvious - here he is trembling, bloody and tortured (and looking very sexual while doing so, the way Dean's never depicted during torture) by tiny woman in the suit who didn't even smudge her lipstick. What Sam has to think about himself and how he thinks he must look to Mary? I think from this very moment, the first real confrontation, there was no chance for Sam to have the same level of connection with Mary that Dean have. At this very point Dean has over 2 days of bonding with her over chips and listening to anegdotes about her and John (I know they were supossed to look for Sam during that ep but neither of them looked really worried about him or on the hurry in the eating chips scene, let's face it). Meanwhile Sam is not given such mild, standard introduction - from the start Mary sees him at his lowest, the point of deep humiliation and very personal, traumatic experience. And it is not the only time - she is witness to his delicious, devious phone call with Lucifer or his very public humiliation of practically being paraded by Lucifer as the trophy and offering to Jack at the entrance to camp in 13x21. He was never given the chance to present himself as gifted student with Stanford scholarship. In his eyes she would always see him as victim and I wonder if this was one of the reasons she would be reluctant to connect with him later, despite his attempts.
Anyway, this is just my 3 am rambling:p
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prince-of-elsinore · 6 months
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watching season 14 episode 1 where they're going off to save Cas from the demon ambush, and Sam's driving and Mary's sitting shotgun and they're having this conversation:
MARY: Sam, it's gonna be fine. SAM: (scoffs) Stop saying that, please. MARY: What? SAM: “It's gonna be fine,” that everything's gonna be fine, we're gonna find Dean, and -- MARY: We are. SAM: You don't know that. (pause) Dean's gone, and we have no idea where he is or -- or if he's even still alive. You know, Michael could have… burned him out or… worse, and… (sighs)
and it's like this merry-go-round of roles from the situation at the start of season 13, where Mary was missing, Dean was hopeless about it, and Sam was keeping the faith (and later season 13 where it flipped to Sam in despair and Dean keeping the fighting spirit), and all I can think is what must Sam be feeling right now, having this conversation play out with his mother rather than his brother? He and Dean come down on opposite sides of issues like this all the time. It's kinda baked in to their dynamic. Whenever one staggers or gives up, the other pulls/pushes him forward, and they both take their turns in each role. It's not only the bread and butter of the show, it's the bread and butter of Sam and Dean, so much that they themselves acknowledge it, as Dean did in 13x04 ("I need you to keep the faith for both of us").
In the above exchange, Mary goes on to give the kind of mini-pep speech I could imagine coming out of Dean's mouth, and it seems like the show wants us to think 'aw, Mama bear reassuring Sam and having a bonding moment.' But it's never been the words Dean uses, his platitudes about family and not giving up, that matter to Sam in these situations; it's who they're coming from. It's the fact of having Dean there by his side in spite of everything. So even though Sam finds himself, again, in a dark place with a loved one missing and another trying to pull him out, and even though Mary sticks to the Winchester script, the balance is all off. She's not Dean, and without Dean the fraternal seesaw of hope and despair breaks down, and there's nothing to pull Sam up again. The scene doesn't go there or really invite this reflection, but I wonder how much Sam is consciously aware of this as he listens to Mary. There's an interesting, blink-and-you-miss-it moment, after Sam says "You don't know that" where he cuts himself off and glances over as if just remembering who's in the seat next to him, and he adjusts his tone, in a way he probably wouldn't for Dean, before going on. So maybe he can't help but compare, in his head. Maybe Sam is thinking how he's heard his brother say similar things a thousand times but it's just not the same, and how much more hopeless that must make him, even as he shoves it down, for Mary's sake, for the sake of the mission in front of them, and for the sake of the people he's leading. Sam's never been so surrounded by people, all on the same team, his team ostensibly, in his life. But when it comes down to it, he's just as alone as he's been any other time he's lost Dean. He's grateful for Cas, and he loves his mom, but at the end of the day Sam can only rely on one person get his brother back: himself. Everyone else is just another person to convince he's fine.
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cascigarette · 2 months
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we want to die in the presence of our loved ones
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saintgirlchild · 2 months
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'supernatural' (2005-2020), by eric kripke / 'frankissstein: a love story' (2019), by jeanette winterson
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thinking about sam and mary. the parallels between young mary and sam, both desperate to escape from their families and hunting towards a 'normal' life (neither of them escape in the end). their respective partners, intended as a way out, end up reenacting a history of violence running through their family tree. jess dies like sam's mother, pinned to the ceiling in flames. john becomes samuel in mary's absence - the very hunter patriarch mary was running from. sam named after samuel her father - the same father who kisses her while possessed by a demon. a kiss that comes to fruition when said demon feeds his blood to a baby sam at the crib; a violation she 'allowed' for, that she is unable to stop, that destroys her in the end. azazel as the ghost of incest and csa haunting the campbell family line. when sam gets resurrected without a soul, it's grandpa he partners and hunts with (what is the price of a grandson, but an expendable cost in service of protecting a daughter you've failed?)
mary as the ghost haunting sam's family, the absence eating away at his brother and father. sam as the ghost of mary's destruction; she haunts her husband and other son through him. sam as a site of formative trauma for both john and dean, the catalyst for another cycle of patriarchal violence; from john to dean, from dean to sam. by protecting him, they revisit that trauma in circles. they can't save her, but they can protect sam. sam feels dirtywrong, long before he learns of his blood, because what is a ghost if not an evil to be hunted, trauma to be exorcised by flame?
the demon blood from mary's deal as sam's unbreakable cage. her blood curse forever marking him as abnormal, as prey to both hunters and demons alike.
she asks him, after her resurrection, didn't you get out? when he tells her - my family hunts, it's what we do - she grieves for him, for herself. mary is the question to which sam is the answer.
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suncaptor · 11 months
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his family locked him in a metal room while he was dying and he hallucinated his mommy who died when he was a baby reaffirming that his perspective is correct.
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samjgirl · 1 month
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Sam and Mary have so much in common, the way they both joined the hunting community (whereas dean stayed away), but this, the wish to have a normal life without monsters is where he inherited from her
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