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justmystyles · 1 year

Note

hi! your angst is so so good! could you please write something angsty around the Selena Gomez song “Lose You to Love Me” kind of about a girl learning to love herself after a toxic love with Harry and then them reuniting after growing up years later, please?

Lose You to Love Me

read my other work here

pairing: Harry Styles x plus size reader

word count: 4.2k

summary: a run-in with your childhood sweetheart brings up old memories, and lingering feelings.

a/n: my friend, you have no idea what you've done sending this ask in. technically you do, because I posted about it after i received it. but this song popped into my head a little over a week ago, and has been running up there on repeat. it's been making me think about my life and relationships, and being all reflective or whatever. i hate it. 😂

I have been thinking about this story pretty much non-stop since you sent the ask, and was so exited to finally get it written. i hope it's what you were looking for, and that you enjoy reading it as much as i enjoyed writing it.

also, a note about the story, the italicized parts are flashbacks.

i know we’re on all on edge after last night, so why not throw some angst in there to make it worse!

tags: @allthelovehes @ameerakane20 @ash-craze @bethanysnow @blue-ballad @blueraspberryreader @brightlightsinlife @creativelyeva @cute-as-ducks420 @deannaard @fanficismydrug @gem1712 @golden-hoax @gothmingguk @groovychaosavenue @hillzrry @iceebabies @indierockgirrl @jerseygirlinca @jng4kook @jooniesbabie @kaverichauhan @lexiecamposv @mrs-anna-styles211994 @n0vaj3an @potterheadandsherlocked @rach2699 @ravenclawdirectioner @stylesfeverr @superchrystaldrug @tenaciousperfectionunknown @tiaamberxx @thechaoticjoy @theekyliepage @walkingintheheartbreaksatellite @youknowwhaaat

As you moved through the streets of London, you were so focused on making it to your destination that you weren’t paying attention to the faces passing you by.

But he was, and he recognized yours immediately.

“Y/N?”

You froze in place, causing the person walking behind you to crash into you. You apologized and stepped off to the side, looking in the direction of the voice. “Harry,” you breathed out.

Before you could fully process what was happening, Harry had rushed up to you, pulling you into his arms. You closed your eyes, even after all this time he still gave the best hugs. Your mind flashed with memories of all the times you found yourself in his arms. Good and bad.

“I can’t believe it’s you!” He spoke against your neck before pulling back, taking your hands in his as he looked you up and down. “You look amazing. All grown up.”

“Yeah, you too.” You took him in, he had definitely filled out since the last time you saw him. Of course you knew that, no matter how hard you tried to get away from him, you never could get that clean break you so desired. That’s what happens when your ex is one of the biggest stars in the world.

“Gosh, it’s been ages.” He muses.

You purse your lips and nod. “Eleven years.” You feel a knot in your stomach, thinking back to the last time you two spoke.

“Harry, it’s just not fair to me.” You move the speaker away from your mouth, hoping he doesn’t hear your breath hitch.

“And you think you’re being fair to me? This is my dream, Y/N, and I can’t even enjoy it because I’ve got you making me feel bad, or like I’m doing something wrong every time I talk to you!”

“Yeah, well you were my dream.” Your voice is quiet, defeated. “But I guess it’s time for me to wake up.”

Harry is silent on the other end of the phone for a moment. “What,” he lets out a deep breath. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

You wipe your eyes, sniffling softly. “It means I can’t do this anymore. You’re living your life, you’re finding your way in the world. I need to go off and do the same. Alone.”

Harry gives you a sad smile. “I tried to reach out a few times, I didn’t like how we left things.”

“I know, me either.” You agreed. “But I needed to just sever the tie. It would have been too hard otherwise.”

“I’m sorry,” you look at him curiously. “For how I handled things, for how it ended…”

You held your hand up to stop him. “We were just kids, you were eighteen and an international pop star, you handled things as best you could.”

He smiled gratefully at you. “Do you, uh… do you have some time? Maybe we could grab a coffee and catch up?”

Your mind is begging you to say no, but your mouth doesn’t listen, agreeing immediately. “But I’ll pass on the coffee.’

“Still?” He smirks, remembering how much you hated coffee. “Some things never change.”

****

The two of you order drinks, and get settled at a quiet corner table in a small coffee shop, the conversation starts off simple enough, you catch each other up on your families, you tell him about your career, and how you had relocated to London three years ago for a big promotion. He shares a couple of stories of some of his more memorable moments over the years.

Even after a decade apart, you still managed to fall into conversation with ease. From the moment you had met when you were kids, there was this instant comfort between the two of you. It was no surprise to anyone when you started dating at fifteen. You were inseparable, going everywhere together. You were there at his XFactor audition, you supported him every step of the way. It was when things really started taking off for him that everything changed.

“Hi angel,” Harry’s voice was low and raspy, that’s when you realized you forgot to take the time change into consideration before you called.

“Oh my gosh H, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you up, I–”

You’re cut off by his laughter. “It’s alright, I like when you wake me up. To what do I owe the pleasure?”

“Mum is taking me dress shopping for formal today, I just wanted to see if you had any ideas what you’d be wearing. We could coordinate!” There was a long silence as you waited for him to respond. “Harry?” You asked. Maybe he had fallen back to sleep.

“Yeah, I’m here. Sorry.” You could hear him shifting on the other end of the phone. “I have some bad news actually.” He sighed before continuing. “They booked us a bunch of shows in the US, I’m not going to be able to come home for the dance.”

“Oh,” you did your best to mask the disappointment. It was just a dance, Harry was doing amazing things, and you needed to be supportive of that.

“Angel, I’m so sorry, I really tried…”

“No, don’t worry. It’s fine, really.” You assured him while also trying to assure yourself.

You heard a knocking on the other side of the phone, and muffled voices. “Fuck, I’ve gotta go Y/N. I’m so sorry, I love you. You know that, right?”

“Yeah, I know H. I love you too.”

“Okay, we’ll talk soon. I promise.” The call disconnects before you can respond.

That was the beginning of the end for your young love. You had put on a happy face for everyone, especially Harry, but your family and friends were able to see right through it. He probably would have too had he actually been there.

You ended up going to your formal with your friends, but as they danced and laughed, you sat on the sidelines, staring at your phone waiting for a call or a text from Harry. And that’s what your life became from there on.

When Harry would come home, things would be better, but still not what it was. Because he’d be gone for such long stretches, his time was spread so thin when he was home. He would want to spend time with everyone, which didn’t leave enough time for the two of you. You would tag along as much as you could, but your one on one time was lacking. It got to a point where you couldn’t even go out on dates, constantly being bombarded by people asking for pictures or autographs.

That’s when you decided to spend your time behind closed doors. Harry said it was so he could focus on you, but part of you wondered if it was so that he could keep you secret. You knew that there were girls all over the world that wanted to be with him, his team knew that was part of the marketability of him, of the whole group. The second the two of you stopped hanging out publicly, the insecurities started creeping in. From then on, every time you saw a picture of him with another girl, you wondered who she was, why it was okay for him to be seen with her and not you.

As the two of you continued to talk, you glanced down at your watch. “Oh shit,” you interrupt him. “I’m so sorry Harry, I actually have to go. I have a meeting I need to get to.” You stand from your seat and collect your things. Harry stands with you.

“Yeah, of course.” You could have sworn there was a hint of disappointment in his tone. “Hey, you should come to the show tonight. If you’re free I mean.”

You look up at him with wide eyes. “Are you sure?”

“Of course, it’s Wembley. How many times did we talk about this?”

“A lot,” you smile wistfully, remembering those conversations. Whenever he was feeling discouraged about his journey, you would always be right there to pick him up, assuring him it was going to work out. That he’d be onstage at the famed stadium, and you’d be right there cheering him on.

“It would mean a lot to me to have you there. Full circle and all that.” He said with a smile. “Besides, the whole family is going to be there. I’m sure mum and Gem would love to see you.”

It would be nice to see his family again. You had been all but officially adopted into the clan, spending holidays, dinners, birthdays with them. You were at Harry’s house just as much as you were at your own, possibly more. Sure, you had mourned the loss of your relationship with Harry, but it also broke you that you lost that second family.

“Yeah, sure. I’ll be there.” You agree.

“Amazing.” He pulled you in for a tight hug. “I’ll see you tonight. Just check in at the box office when you get there, I’ll take care of everything.”

****

You made it to your meeting on time, but you were anything but present. Your mind kept going back to Harry, how great he looked, how happy he was to see you. And then the memories started flooding back.

“Y/N?” Your mother’s voice and gentle knock on the door call your attention away from your phone.

“Yeah?”

She sticks her head into your room. “We’re leaving in five minutes, are you ready?”

“Ready?” You suddenly remember that your parents were supposed to be taking you and your sister out to dinner. “Oh, I uh… no. I think I’m going to pass if that’s okay?”

“But honey, we’re going to your favorite restaurant.” You could see the concern spread across her face.

“I know, but Harry is supposed to call and check in. We haven’t had a proper phone date in weeks. I want to make sure I don’t miss him.”

“Y/N…” your mother says in a warning tone. After Harry missed out on formal, you had completely changed. You’d go to school, and then immediately come home waiting to hear from him. You would drop everything the second his name popped up on your phone screen.

“Mum, next time. I promise.”

Your mother lets out a sigh and nods, leaving you alone.

About an hour later, your phone pinged with a text from Harry.

Sorry love, can’t call tonight. Talk to you soon, promise. XO

****

After your meeting, you slipped out of the office. You knew you weren’t going to get anything done today. Besides, you needed to find something to wear tonight. You called Heather, your oldest and closest friends, asking her to meet you at one of your favorite shops.

You told her about your run-in with Harry, and his invitation to go to his show.

“You said no, right?”

“Yeah, I said no. That’s why we’re here, you’re helping me pick an outfit for a concert I’m not going to.” you rolled your eyes.

“Y/N, I say this as your friend, this is a terrible idea and you definitely shouldn’t go.” She says completely seriously. “Do you even remember what life was like for you back then?”

“Come on!” Heather grabbed your arm, trying to pull you out of the booth. “Come dance with us!”

You pull out of her grip, checking your phone for a notification. “I can’t H-”

“Harry’s going to call,” she finishes your sentence. “Y/N, you’re both my friends, but you’re my best friend, so I’m going to be real with you. Harry’s a wakner.”

“Hey,” you reply defensively. “He is not, he’s just really busy. He’s kind of a big deal, you know?”

“I do know. And I also know that while you’re sitting here staring at your phone, you’re missing out on life. But he’s out there living it. You deserve better than that.”

“Right, and in a couple of months I’ll be living that life with him.”

Heather’s brow furrowed in confusion. “What do you mean?”

“I’m not going to university.” You state plainly, her eyes go wide in shock. “Harry is going to get me a job on his team. It won’t be glamorous, and it probably won’t pay much, but we’ll be together and everything will be good again.”

“Have you told your parents about this plan?”

“I have, they aren’t happy about it, but I’m eighteen, so there isn’t really anything they can do about it.”

“And you really think this is the best idea?” She asks you.

“Yes,” you say, a little louder than intended but you needed to get your point across. “Harry and I are supposed to be together, and if this is how it needs to happen, this is how it’s going to happen.” You grab your purse and stand from your seat. “I’m going home, it’s too loud here for me to hear him anyway.”

After that, you stopped going out when your friends invited you. They didn’t understand your relationship, and they were always on your case about it. It was easier to just stay home and wait for Harry. Eventually, the invitations stopped coming. You were fine with that. It made it easier for you to focus on Harry, and be there when he had time for you.

As far as the job, that never happened. About a week after you graduated, you received a call from Harry. He told you that he fought for you, all the guys did, but his team said they weren’t able to make a spot for you.

You were devastated, but you did your best to hide it from him. That didn’t last very long, however, as that was the point where the cracks in your facade of ‘supportive girlfriend’ started coming through. You started seeing what everyone had been telling you, that Harry was out there conquering the world while you were putting your life on hold, spending your life by the phone waiting for a quick text or five minute phone call.

****

When you arrived at Wembley, you gave your name at the window and were immediately ushered to a backstage VIP area. You walked in and smiled to yourself at the turnout. You recognized almost everyone in the room. You stayed by the door, not wanting to interrupt when Gemma’s eyes traveled in your direction, She did a double take before smiling wide and running to you.

“Y/N, I can’t believe it!” She pulled you into a tight hug, which you quickly returned. “Harry told us he ran into you, and invited you to the show. But I wasn’t sure you’d actually come!”

You giggled at her excitement. “Of course I’m here, I told him I’d come.”

“I know, but you’re so nice, I figured you’d say that to his face and then just disappear.” You both laughed, before she took you by the hand, leading you into the group. “Come on, we have so much to catch up on!”

You went around the room, greeting those you had known a decade ago, and meeting the new members of Harry’s entourage. Everyone was so happy to see you, you were being pulled in a million different directions trying to catch up with everyone. They had told you that Harry was with them earlier, but had to leave to get ready. You were grateful for that. It would have been too much to be there with him, and his family.

**** When it was time to go out to the front of house, Gemma locked her arm in yours and you walked together. She stayed by your side the whole night. The two of you were always close, she had always treated you like you were sisters. Often joking that someday Harry would make it official. She made you promise not to leave without giving her your number, she said she wasn’t about to let another ten years go by without seeing you again.

The show was incredible. Harry was incredible. As you watched him up there, you felt your chest swell with pride. Despite what had transpired between the two of you, you couldn’t help but get emotional watching him live the dream that the two of you had spent so much time talking about. He had done it, but on a level that neither of you could have even imagined.

As you listened on, your mind wandered, thinking about the girls those songs were about. The girls that had come after you. You felt tears begin to pool in your eyes as you remembered the first one.

“Come on guys, put it away. Y/N is going to be here any minute.” You heard Heather plead. “This is her first time out since the breakup, she doesn’t need to see it.”

After the phone call where you ended your relationship, you were inconsolable. You cried nonstop, mourning your relationship, the future you were supposed to have, and all the time you wasted waiting for him. Your friends would come over often, but they would mostly just hold you and offer words of encouragement to you as you cried. Nobody was able to get through to you, they weren’t even sure how.

About two months after the breakup, you got this surge of determination. Harry had taken away enough of your life, you weren’t going to let him do it anymore. You texted Heather, and she agreed to gather all your friends for dinner.

You walked in and saw her trying to pull the phone out of her boyfriend’s hands. “What don’t I need to see?” You ask, everyone’s attention snapping to you.

“Nothing, don’t worry about it.” Heather assured you.

You nodded, leaning in to hug your friend, quickly diverting and grabbing the phone out of her hand. You looked down at the screen and saw a paparazzi shot of Harry walking hand in hand with Taylor Swift, it was an article about the budding relationship between the two singers.

“Oh,” you said, dropping the phone on the table. “I uh… I just remembered I’ve got to…” your brain was too cloudy to come up with an excuse, not that they would believe it anyway. You turned and rushed out of the restaurant. Heather hot on your heels.

“Y/N, wait!” She followed you as you ducked into a nearby alleyway, getting to you just in time to watch your back slide down the wall.

You wrapped your arms around your knees and began sobbing uncontrollably. Heather sat down next to you, wrapping her arm around your shoulder and pulling you into her.

“I… he… I…” You couldn’t form words, too upset to do anything but cry.

“I know babe, I know.” Heather said in a soft tone, rubbing your back comfortably. “I told you he was a wanker.”

You chuckled lightly, your breathing starting to return to normal. You looked up at your friend with tear stained cheeks, your breath hitching as you regained composure. “We just broke up. I’ve been locked in my room crying, and he’s been with her.”

“He’s a piece of shit. He doesn’t deserve you. You’re so much better than all of this.” She held your face in her hands and gave you a determined look. “You’re a fucking catch Y/N, he’s an idiot for not seeing that.” You nod, pretending you agree with her. “Let’s get you home. We’ll get a bunch of junk food and watch sad movies. Get all the tears out.”

“Hey Y/N, you alright?” Gemma pulls you from your thoughts.

You suddenly realize the house lights are up, and people are filing out of the stadium. “Oh yeah, sorry. It’s just crazy to think that he went from the weird boy with the dumb jokes to that,” you gesture toward the stage.

“Oh, he’s still the weird boy, he’s just telling his dumb jokes to a whole lot more people.” She joked, slinging her arm around your shoulder. “C’mon, let’s go backstage.”

“Oh, no no no, you go. I should…”

“Not a chance,” she interrupted you. “You’ve gotta come back and see him.” You narrow your eyes at her, wondering why it was so important that you see him, but she just smiles innocently and leads you back to the VIP room.

****

You and Gemma get comfortable on a couch in the back corner of the room, so lost in conversation that you don’t even notice when all eyes in the room land on the door, cheering Harry as he enters. He walks through, offering hugs and handshakes, thanking people for coming and graciously receiving compliments on his performance.

Once he’s made his way to the back, he stops, silently observing you and his sister gossiping and giggling just like you always had.

“You’d better not be talking about me, or I’m telling mum.” His voice pulls you from your conversation, and you both turn to look at him.

Gemma grins and jumps from her seat. “You were outstanding.” She pulled him into a hug, saying something to him in a hushed tone.

He smiled gratefully at her as she sat back down, Harry turned to you with a curious expression. “Well? What did you think?”

“H,” his nickname fell so easily from your lips, as if you had never been apart. You stood up, looking at him with so much awe that he was taken aback. “You did it. I’m so,” you sigh with a shrug. “It was incredible.”

He smiled, dimples on full display. “Thank you, angel. You have no idea what that means to me.” He steps in front of you, pulling you into a firm embrace. You were so lost in the moment that it didn’t even register that he had called you by his pet name for you.

Gemma stood behind you, making sure to get Harry’s attention, she winked at him with a smirk before matriculating back into the crowd, allowing you two a moment.

When you finally separated, Harry looked down at you, his gaze so intense that you felt your cheeks heating up. “I should probably go,” you finally speak up.

“No, wait.” He says in a panicked tone. “Can I talk to you alone for a minute?”

You furrow your brow, not expecting that. He’s in a room full of the most important people in his life, and he wants to be alone with you? “Yeah, sure.”

He leads you out of the VIP area and down the hall to his dressing room. He opens the door, signaling for you to enter. He follows behind you, closing the door once you both cross the threshold.

You both stand there awkwardly for a few moments before Harry finally breaks the silence. “I’m really glad you came tonight.”

“Me too, thank you for inviting me.” You smile, trying to hide your nerves.

“I, uh…” he takes a breath, running his hand through his hair. “I miss you.”

You look up at him in confusion. “Harry, it’s been eleven years.”

“And I’ve missed you the entire time.” He took a couple of cautious steps towards you. “I was so stupid back then, so stupid. I know I wasn’t fair to you.”

“I told you, it’s fine, you were a kid. You did the best you could.” You assured him.

“I think running into you today was fate.” He ignores your words and keeps going. “We’ve both grown up, I’ve grown up. I see what’s important in life now.”

“Harry…”

“There were so many times I wanted to call you. So many things that happened that I wanted to celebrate with you, but I couldn’t. Every sold out show, every award, all of it, you were the first person I wanted to tell.”

You were speechless. You were listening to his words, watching the vulnerability in his face, all of it completely overwhelming you. Out of everything that could have come from your run in with Harry, this was probably the last thing you would have expected.

“I don’t… what?” Was all you managed to choke out.

“Listen, I’m not saying we jump right back in and pick up where we left off,” your eyes went wide at his words. “I broke your trust, that’s something I need to earn back. But I’d like to try, if you’d let me.”

“Try…”

He reached out, taking your hand and sighing in relief when you didn’t pull away. “I want to show you that I can be what you need, what you deserve.”

“What are you asking?” You ask, searching his face as if it held the answers.

“I just want to be in your life again, be your friend. I want to get to know you now, I want you to get to know me now, and see where things go from there.”

You stood in silence, looking into Harry’s eyes, butterflies filling your stomach at the way he’s looking at you. You nod your head slowly. “Okay,” you respond, barely above a whisper.

“Yeah?” He asks hopefully, you nod with a smile and he wraps his arms around you, pulling you into his chest. “Thank you thank you thank you. I promise I’m not going to mess this up.” You chuckle against his chest. “What’s so funny?”

“Heather is going to kill me.”

A bark of laughter escapes him. “I’ll protect you,” he places a kiss on the top of your head. “I’m not going to lose you again.”

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chaoticarson16 · 4 months

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New headcanon

The states do have their own music tastes but if an artist is from their state, they will unironically love their music.

So imagine they do karaoke or something and California starts singing In Case You Didn’t Know by Brett Young. Or on the opposite side, Texas singing Same Old Love by Selena Gomez. Florida singing anything by Arianna Grande or NSYNC. Gov knowing every word of Under my Skin by Jukebox the Ghost. New York knowing all the words to any Nicki Minaj song. Loui singing How to Love by Lil Wayne. Oklahoma belting Before He Cheats by Carrie Underwood. Nevada singing his heart out to Victorious by Panic at the Disco.

…..I’ve put a lot of thought into this-

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astroismypassion · 2 years

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Astrology observations 🌙🌙🌙

Credit @astroismypassion

The highest vote in the poll was request for astrology observations by readers, so enjoy!

🌙 Pisces Moon people are surrounded with close friends that physically reflect their subconscious mind and mirror them, but Pisces Moon is not aware of it. If Pisces Moon native overuses certain substances, they could have friends that are drunkards just as an example. Or they have friends that live in their own reality which physically reflects that Pisces Moon native might not be completely in touch with their own reality or not accept certain facts of reality.

🌙 Neptune, Uranus in the 2nd and 3rd house, Saturn in the 3rd house people might not own TV, but they could own other gadgets, such as laptop, tablet... With that being said, Uranus in the 3rd house still use Kindle in 2023 and they just love it. They also love reading from an electronic device, such as tablet or computer.

🌙 Pisces Moon can return to the home they grew up in once they retire (or they never left in the first place).

🌙 If you have Sun in the 8th house, Leo over the 8th house, Sun Pluto negative aspect you might have witnessed your father experience great challenges with money, might have even declared personal bankrupt at some point. Pisces Moon, along with Pisces IC people experienced other people providing for their basic neccesities in their family. Like they didn't have to pay electricity bill, phone bill instead a family member paid that for them.

🌙 Gemini IC, Gemini Moon, Cancer over the 6th house find everyday life really really tiring. They literally feel weighted down by life on a daily basis and find dealing with daily life very challenging. Just washing the dishes, going to work, showering and also those mundane duties can be overwhelming to them much more than most people.

🌙 Neptune in the 4th house, Pisces over the 4th house and Pisces Moon might experience poverty like retirement, they could live below the poverty line after retirement and majority of money will go only towards providing food. They could also not have any idea how they will spend their old age and how life after retirement will look like for them. This is the type that doesn't really have an retirement account at all. They might not really understand the whole meaning of savings until retirement or they could have low pension.

🌙 People with Pisces Sun, Sun at Pisces degree or Sun in the 12th house have huge fandoms (Pedro Pascal (Sun at Pisces degree), Justin Bieber (Pisces Sun), Selena Gomez (Sun in the 12th house) as examples.

🌙 Chiron in the 7th house, Libra Chiron, Venus Chiron could have a partner that makes more money than them, but the Chiron person is still the one paying more or treating them when out or with gifts.

🌙 Taurus Sun 🤝Cancer Sun holding a grudge, who would win?

🌙 Cancer over the 6th house lived with a very changeable mother in the past and usually results in a very moody, not very stable partner with huge mood swings.

🌙 Libra Chiron are self-conscious about their marriage. They might have second thoughts about their partner, if they are settling or people harshly judge their marriage.

🌙 Moon in the 7th house and Cancer Descendant people, along with Cancer over the 7th house attract people that are much more sensitive then them and also much moodier.

🌙 Cancer Sun men physically resemble their father so much.

🌙 Libra Chiron might have a marriage spouse that they keep a shared account with. Yet, they could later discover that their spouse is not really such team player as they initially thought, they could have a separate savings account or another secret bank account.

🌙 Moon in the 4th house, Aries Moon women often get told they look like their mother. But the difference is also in that Moon in the 4th house native processes feelings, experiences emotions the same way their mother does.

🌙 There is often Aries Moon or Scorpio Moon found in the home of two same Sun signs. You could have a mother Taurus Sun, a daughter Taurus Sun and most likely the child of the parent of the same Sun sign as them would have Aries or Scorpio Moon. Their basic identity (Taurus Sun) is the same, so they are much more easily and freely direct with their gut reactions and more straight-forward with emotions since there is no character barrier due to the shared Sun sign.

🌙 On that note, Pisces Moon is often found in children that have opposing signs or a sign that is next to the other sign. In examples of a parent being Gemini Sun, the child is Sagittarius Sun with a Pisces Moon. Or Capricorn Sun parent, Aquarius Sun child, then this child would often have Pisces Moon due to already intuitive understanding of neighbouring or opposing Sun signs, so the child often has Pisces Moon. Also, Gemini Sun parent, Cancer Sun child would often have Pisces Moon.

🌙 Feminine signs (Taurus, Cancer, Virgo, Scorpio, Capricorn and Pisces Sun) in astrology often have a daughter as first born child.

🌙 Mercury in the 4th house native have overbearing mothers much like Saturn in the 4th house, but Mercury in the 4th house native’s mother is more apparent and vocal, mostly always questioning the native or just asking them a lot a lot of questions.

Credit @astroismypassion

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xoxosimp · 5 months

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The Heart Wants What it Wants

Pairing: Biker!Steve Rogers x female clubgirl!Reader

Synopsis: There’s a million reasons why you should give up your feelings for Biker!Steve, but your heart can't help itself.

Warnings: fluff,angst,smut, Possessive!Steve, unprotected sex (stay safe yall) , penetrative sex, happy ending

A/N: I haven't written anything in two years, so forgive the poor characterization and mediocre writing. Not beta’d, all mistakes are my own. Inspired by “ The heart wants what it wants” by Selena Gomez.

~~~~~~~~

“Steve is not going to let you leave,” Wanda scoffed as she wipes the counter.

“ Girl, your pussy is magic. Do you really think he’s gonna let you go?” Lucia stated matter of factly.

You rolled your eyes and crossed your legs. “ Club girls come and go. Once I leave, five more girls are going to jump to take my place.”

Being a club girl to one of the biggest motorcycle clubs had its perks. You had a roof over your head , with zero bills to pay. You had a family that watched your back and the freedom to focus on university. In return, you would consensually sleep with the members of the Howling Commandos Motorcycle Club . The only rules were you were to only sleep with members of the MC and pick up some of the chores around the clubhouse.

You were a sweetbutt. Sweet mama. Croweater. Whatever nickname, to each their own. You were club property.

Being the President’s,Steve Roger’s favorite girl had its perks, as well. No one got away with disrespecting you, which is unusual on its own considering you were no one’s old lady. But for the past year, you’ve exclusively slept with Steve . And cuddled with him. And go riding with him ( which is a privilege on its own, all bikers treat their motorcycles like a temple), and tell him every fear, hope, and dream you’ve ever had.

If you wanted to leave, you would need to ask the president. You’ve been a club girl for almost two years now, and every single time they’ve asked to leave, Steve granted their request.

“I can't stay with the club forever,” you say weakly, leaning your elbow on the counter Wanda just wiped. “ I plan on going to grad school out of state.”

“ You mean you don't want to stay with Steve, forever,” Lucia corrected beside you. “ I thought you liked being his favorite,” she asked sarcastically.

You were planning on taking a gap year since you were near the end of your undergrad career. You wanted to travel. Take a vacation. Finally relax , since it's been endless work since your freshman year and it will just be more work once you start grad school.

You could travel all you want as a club girl. But no matter how far you could travel, your heart will always pull you to him.

But does he yearn for you?

“ I don't think my heart could take much more, guys.”

“Oh my gosh, you love him,” Wanda stated.

What’s not to love? Steve was a kind, compassionate, and down to earth man. He would put his life down for anyone in the club without a second thought. Steve was sexy as sin, with huge arms and even more sculpted legs to match. He was a golden boy. He was amazing.

And so not yours.

“ There’s only so much my heart can take , Wan,” you took a deep breath to steady your voice. “ I knew what I was signing up for when I became a club girl but I didn't think it would give me this much heartache.”

“You’re an incurable romantic, Y/N. You feel too much,” Lucia stated simply. “ You don't even know if Steve feels the same way.”

Your heart plummeted. Wanda glared at Lucia. “ Don’t look at me like that,” Lucia defended herself, “ I’m capable of getting under someone without catching feelings.”

“ Anyways,” Wanda said curtly, “Luce, don't you have a paper or two to write?”

She rolled her eyes but nonetheless hopped off the stool and slung her purse over her shoulder. “ I hate that you’re right. I will see you bitches later.” You and Wanda say your goodbyes.

“ And my break is over, I have budget reports to look at,” Wanda sighed.

“Fun.”

“ Like a hole in the head,” Wanda remarked.

You collected your belongings but Wanda stopped you. “ How about asking him out on a date?”

“Steve?”

“No, Natasha,” Wanda rolled her eyes, referencing Clint’s old lady.

“ Redheads are not my type.”

You and Wanda share a laugh. “ Ask him,” she urged, putting her hand on your shoulder “ The worst thing he can do is say no.”

Then you’ll have to mend your heart back together if he does.

Gosh, you can't remember a time where you were so anxious about a guy. You weren't shy about sex, but you sure held back when it came to your feelings.

But a girl has got to try.

~~~~~~~~

You were pacing outside of his door. Gosh, you felt like a middle schooler going to ask out her crush.

It was a simple “Do you want to get dinner together?” Or “ Let’s have a picnic!” or-

“ Everything okay, pretty?” a deep voice snapped you out of your rehearsal.

He was shirtless with droplets of water still very much on his abs. You could see his dick print through his gray sweatpants. Gosh, how were you supposed to ask him out when all you wanted to do was jump him?

“ I could hear you pacing through the door.” he grabbed your waist to bring you closer to him. He tickles your neck with his facial hair, your laughter is music to his ears.

“ I came to ask you something,” you said in between giggles.

“Ask away, pretty,” he said ,starting to kiss your neck.

This was your ideal situation. You didn't have to look in his eyes. But with every kiss to your neck your panties got wetter.

Do it , you coward.

You laced your fingers in his damp hair and forced him to look at you. “ Will you go out with me?”

His eyebrows raised in surprise. His mouth broke out in a smile. With how nervous you were , you couldn't tell if that was a happy smile or ‘i’m laughing at you smile’.

“What made you ask me, pretty?”

There were a billion reasons running through your head. A billion explanations. A billion confessions threatening to surface like word vomit. But there were a billion insecurities. A billion potential heartbreaks.

“ I just thought it would be fun,” you said, massaging his scalp with your finger nails.

You know he doesn't believe you, the detective twinkle in his eye says so. But he doesn't question you.

“ A date with you sounds perfect, pretty one. But I thought I was supposed to ask you out?” he says pinching your bum.

“ Well you were taking too long,” you tease.

“ Well my apologies, I hate that I kept my best girl waiting. Where are we going?”

“ I was thinking about Ben's?” you suggested. Ben’s was the club’s favorite place to eat. It was frequent after church, or just on a random Saturday because they felt like it.

“ Oh no, our first date needs to be special,” he argued. “ And we go to Ben’s all the time.”

“ But their burgers are so good.”

He chuckles, “But you deserved wine and dined.”

You stand on your tippy toes and press a gentle kiss on his lips.” Then we'll just have to go to Casa Rustica.”

“Then I guess we will.” He cups your face and brings you towards his lips.A rush of warmth floods through you, melting away your lingering doubts.Time seemed to stand still when you kissed him. And with every nibble and bite , it made your core clench over nothing. Whenever you groaned into him, you sent vibrations through him, making his dick twitch.

You finally mustered the strength to pull away from his lips. “ How does tomorrow night sound? Five ? ”

“ Sounds perfect, pretty.”

~~~~~~~~

When he’s five minutes late , it’s because the red lights take forever to turn green. So you think.

When Steve is ten minutes late, it’s because he realized he had two different shoes on. So you think.

When thirty minutes pass, your heart sinks with the realization you’ve been stood up. It isn't until you take your jewelry that your phone chimes with a text message.

I’m sorry that I’ve kept you waiting this long, but I can't make it tonight.

You couldn't tell if that was a “something came up” apology or a “ I forgot” excuse.

It was like he threw a rock at your glass-paned heart. What did you expect from someone who got the milk for free and isn't interested in buying the cow?

Your dynamic with him was a unique one of its own. Not a lot of club girls get turned into old lady’s . Not that you were expecting that, but you wanted to try with Steve. Have a relationship with him. Be his proper girlfriend.

Lucia always said you would bring yourself more heartache than you deserve. Guess she was right.

~~~~~~~~

“You were right.” You slumped down next to Lucia at a table outside of your university’s student union.

She put down her pencil and raised an eyebrow. “ I’m right about a lot of things, you need to be more specific.”

“ I took a risk and asked him out, but he stood me up.”

Lucia’s face fell a little, “ Babe, I didn't want to be right,” she rubbed your back.

“ Why did I let myself think he was gonna sweep me off my feet and run off into the sunset together” you ask out loud.

“ I don't think so ma’am,” she wagged her finger like a mother scolding her child, “ He’s the asshole who decided to ditch you. Did he say why?”

You shook your head, “ I didn't ask”. She gave you a bitch are you kidding me look. “ No one can question the president, Luce. He’s given me protection and a roof over my head and-”

“ I don't care if he was the president of the United States,” she said sharply, “You deserve an explanation.” She opened her palm expectantly.

“No,no,no,” you started. Her eyes pierced your soul, demanding that you give up your phone. You tried to resist but ended up pulling your phone from your back pocket and handing it to her.

She unlocked your phone and began typing. The goosebumps danced on your skin, hoping that she would say anything disrespectful to him. Lucia shows you the message she has yet to send.

Hey, is everything alright? You ditched me with no notice last night

Granted, she could have typed out a message in a much more disrespectful tone with a plethora of profanities.

You take the phone and press send. With every passing minute your palms grew sweaty, until your phone chimed and you opened his messages.

Club Business

Those two words were every motorcycle club president’s favorite words. Two words that no one could question. Two words that answered but did not fulfill any question.

“ He hit me with the 'club business’ , " you told Lucia bitterly. Which doesn't make sense considering that Bucky, his Vice President, and Sam, his secretary were both at the clubhouse last night.

“Okay , screw him,” Lucia exclaimed with no care for the heads that turned. “You just need to get under someone new to get over him.”

“But I’m not-”

“Allowed to sleep with anyone outside the club. I know,” Lucia droned, repeating your usual explanation. “ I never mentioned anyone outside the club. You say it yourself, you’re a club girl, not his girl.”

The prospect of sleeping with someone else churned your stomach. You have slept with other members of the club. But he fucked the memory of anyone else touching you out of your system.

“I don't think I would ever get with a biker. But Sam? He could get it every day of-”

“Okay, Luce, I get it,” you laugh a little.

What do you get for falling in love with someone who never gave you a second thought unless you weren't in bed with him?

~~~~~~~~

You were his. Every birthmark and scar. Every curve and crevice. Every perfection and imperfection. Every hope and dream you’ve ever had.

You were his.

So then why was Thor’s hand on your thigh?

Steve knows canceling on your date thirty minutes after he was supposed to pick you up was less than gentlemanly. But he had a good reason for his absence, one he has yet to disclose.

You haven't spoken to him in two days . Granted it’s only been two days, but it’s been two nights without you cuddled to his side in his bed..Two mornings where your hair was splayed all over the silk pillow cases he bought just for you.

And instead of sitting on Steve’s lap like you always do at club parties, you found whatever Thor fucking Odinson was whispering in your ear was so fucking funny.

It wasnt until Thor stood up and you fucking took his hand that he had seen enough. Steve released his clenched fist and stood up. His racing heart matched every quick thud his heavy boots made on the hardwood floor.

Your gaze flickered to him for a millisecond. Because you know you’re his,too.

~~~~~~~~

In hindsight, it was a good idea.

You wore the shortest skirt in your closet and a shirt that made your boobs look fantastic. All club girls were expected to attend Friday night parties (which is short for every biker’s excuse to get drunk and get laid after the work week) with the half hearted intention to get under someone to get over Steve.

You took a seat next to Thor, who was a part of the club but was one of Steve’s friends, and flirted with him like it was a 9 to 5 job. You sat next to him with the intention of letting him take you to bed, but your true intentions evaporated when you fell into genuine conversation with him.

A genuine conversation with his hand resting on your thigh and him getting so close you can smell his cologne. Yup, super friendly.

When you took his hand and offered to go to the kitchen for a drink, you saw him in the corner of your eye. Steve stood tall and proud, and he walked to you.

In hindsight, it was a good idea.

It was still a good idea; since Steve had your thighs pressed to chest, his huge dick stretched out your cunt, fucking you into his mattress. You mewled when he pressed an inch closer so your clit brushed against his pelvis.

“That’s a good fucking girl, taking my cock,” Steve choked out. Your cunt clenched around him at his praise.

Your eyes rolled to the back of your head when his dick kissed your cervix in the best way possible. It was a gift that never hurt, whether that was because you liked the way it felt or he knew your body so well he never hurt you. You dragged your nails down his chest so hard there was definitely going to be red marks.

“Tell me you’re mine,” he grunted out, knowing his high was soon to crash. “ This pussy belongs to me.”

“ Steve, sososo- Fuck!” He thought it was cute whenever you got too cock drunk. Your tits bounces with every thrust inside your cunt. Your left eye was twitching, so he knew you were about to come. Your clit was swollen, just how he liked it.

It was all fucking perfect. You were fucking perfect.

Steve pinched your nipple which elicited a whine from you. “ Tell me this pussy belongs to me or you can't come.”

You attempted to de-scramble your overstimulated brain with the proper response. “ I- fuck Stevie-”

Frustrated with your disobedience, Steve starts rubbing fast circles in your clit, making your cunt clench involuntarily. “ My pussy belongs to you!,” you moaned “ I need to cum please.”

“ Then cum for me, pretty.”

You released around him in a crescendo, with him following suit. You milked Steve’s cock for all its worth as he pumped your cunt full of his cum with three snaps of his hips. You and Steve laid in silence, allowing yourselves to just feel each other for a few more moments.

He gently pulled out and got to work with cleaning you up. The way he wipes your messy cunt with a warm towel, how he kissed your thighs and praised you for taking him so good.

It was all too sweet. But it hardened your resolve nonetheless. Wherever that resolve was.

Steve sat on his bed, downing a glass of his favorite bourbon. As you walked towards him from the bathroom, he appreciated the view of you in one of his Harley Davidson t-shirts. You don't know if you look into his gorgeous blue eyes and tell your truth.

“Can I ? -”, you and Steve said simultaneously. You ushered for him to continue. He stood up from the bed and took your hand.“ You first, pretty.”

Tell him, you coward, you scolded yourself. “ What am I doing?” you thought out loud.

Steve furrowed his eyebrow in confusion. “ I have feelings for you,” you whispered. “ But it was wishful thinking we could be something more. But it- it wouldn't be real.”

“What do you mean it wouldn't be real?”

“ I’m a club whore, You’re the president,” you said plainly. “We wouldn't have a relationship, we don't have a relationship now! It’s ownership. I belong to the club-”

“ You’re mine,” Steve cut you off sharply.

“It’s the same thing Steve,” you replied solemnly. “ It’s one sided. You- You own me, you control me, I belong to you-”

“ You own me!” he interrupted. “ You control me, I belong to you. If you want my heart, I'll rip it out of my chest and give it to you. You own every part of me.” Steve brings your hand to his heart so you can feel the rhythmic thump of his heartbeat. “ All I can think about is you. All I see is you.”

“You don't mean that,” your eyes were bright with unshed tears.

“Have I ever lied to you, pretty?”

“ Then what were you doing the night we were supposed to go out? Got cold feet?”

Steve drops your hand and goes to his closet. He shuffles around and grabs something black. Steve holds it out for you to see: A black leather jacket in your size, with the back embroidered with the Howling Commandos insignia with the words Property of Rogers around the symbol.

“The tailor needed a second opinion on the size. I wanted to make sure everything was perfect,” he explained.

“Is it for me?,” you asked.

“All yours, pretty. Try it on for me,” he commanded softly.

It was a snug fit. A perfect fit. “ What does this mean for us, Steve?”

He cups your cheeks, “ It means that you’re mine and I’m yours. You’re my old lady and I’m your man.”

“Club girl to old lady is kind of a big jump though,” you snided.

“ One day at a time, pretty. A day at a time.”

You closed the gap between you and Steve with a soft kiss. His lips molded perfectly against yours. Maybe it was all a dream and the cruel reality would wake you up. But it was no dream. Steve was real. He tasted like he was yours.

“ You’re mine,” Steve stated.

“ I’m yours. Are you mine?”

“ With all my heart and song that belongs to you, pretty.”

A/N: I made a Scandal reference, iykyk

#steve rogers x reader #Steve rogers fanfiction #Biker!Steve Rogers x Reader #Steve rogers x you #steve rogers x y/n #biker!Steve

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