#sarah paulson x reader

[woman-actress]

Jealous character x Fem!reader pleeaaaase

It's an SOS that I'm sending to you ...I am what we can call: an addict of fanfictions.

That's why I ask anyone who can write these wonderful things ... I'm in need and I have no desire to cure this addiction.

A little list :

Natasha Romanoff :

Wanda Maximoff :

Carol Danvers :

Lena Luthor :

Literally every character played by Cate Blanchette :

Same for Sarah Paulson :

Alma peregrine :

So many women and possibilities of toxic relationships and possible jealousy, really I would be happy to be crushed by these womens....

Thanks ! Really 💕

[janstevenswife]

manifesting my fantasies of being a cougar to come true 😁

[stayevildarling]

It’s me again with another prompt idea 😅 Since today is April Fools Day (which I don’t like personally but I thought of an idea) I thought about an idea where Mina, Delia and Reader are in a relationship and the reader plans an April fools prank for her girlfriends but it backfires? Some angst, but definitely also fluff and definitely happy ending please ☺️

Cordelia Goode x Billie Dean Howard x Wilhemina Venable x Reader- Exile

second request: Hello, you are a great writer I enjoy your work lots! Could you maybe write a story with Cordelia x Wilhelmina x Billie x Reader where Reader is learning a new spell and she gets hurt or something along those lines? Thank you. You are great!

A/N: I'm sorry but I had to merge those two requests because it works so well. I've added Billie to the original request <3 I'm not the biggest fan of this, it feels a bit rushed but oh well

tw: cursing, violence, mention of blood, mention of death, angst + fluff

word count: 4k

taglist: @lunaticwhittaker, @billiebeanhoward, @lanawinters-ily, @kenzbro, @minaslittleone, @httpfiftyshadesofgay,@whitelotus00, @ninaahs, @vintagepaulson,@isle-of-earle,@paulsonsratched, @stepintomyworld, @grilledcheeseandguavajelly, @lucyintheskywithxanax, @fanfics4world, @mymiraclewitch, @hazard-to-myself, @awritersometime, @ohrwurm26, @wastdstime

As the sun dances around the academy, illuminating the white rooms and hallways in beautiful oranges and yellows, you find yourself in front of Cordelia's office, a flicker of excitement coursing through your veins as you knock gently.

,,Come in'' Cordelia smiles, being able to tell which one of you is standing outside her office at any given time.

Walking inside and closing the door gently, you take in her features, only having seen her briefly this morning and around the academy today. Stunning as ever, her hair is slightly curled, the perfect amount of makeup, some blush coating her cheeks. As you continue staring, taking in her outfit including a beautiful flower dress, she smiles, seeing you so lost in your thoughts and daydreams.

,,Hey sweetheart'' she greets you, snapping you out of your thinking and pulling you back into the reality of standing in her office.

,,Hi Delia'' you beam a little as you approach her. ,,What can I do for you my sweet girl?'' she asks, glancing up from her computer and offering you to sit.

,,I have been thinking'' you begin, having the supreme's full attention as her eyes are on you. ,,Could you teach me a spell?'' you ask, your eyes locking with hers. Her eyebrows raise in surprise a little as you pretty much have perfected most spells by now, your speciality being potions however.

,,Sure what is it?'' she asks before you fiddle nervously with the hems of your sweater. ,,Transmutation?'' you ask, adding your best puppy eyes and smile in the hopes to convince your girlfriend and the supreme.

It only then dawns on her how surprisingly, you have never teleported before. It wasn't uncommon exactly but she completely forgot that you aren't able to do the spell, which she has taught many girls in their times at the academy. Cordelia hesitates, her mouth ajar before she asks ,,Why do you want to learn it sweetheart?''. You pause for a moment, not being able to tell her the real reason and knowing you need to be very convincing so she wouldn't catch on your lies.

,,I just thought it would be fun Delia, besides almost everyone here can do it'' you try, already being able to tell by her features she would deny you any moment.

Cordelia's eyebrows knit together in concern as she listens to your proposal. "Darling, teleportation magic is not something to be taken lightly," she cautions, her tone firm yet gentle. "It's a highly advanced spell, and if not performed correctly, it can have disastrous consequences. I'm not sure it's a good idea for you yet''

You pout slightly at her refusal, disappointed that she doesn't trust your abilities enough. "But Deeeelia, it would be so much fun!" you protest, trying to sway her with your enthusiasm. "I promise I'll be careful, and I'll practice under your supervision. Please, teach me how to teleport'' you practically beg at this point.

Cordelia shakes her head, her expression unwavering. "I'm sorry, darling, but I can't risk your safety," she insists, her voice soft but resolute. "I will teach you another time okay?'' she tries, meeting your eyes with a little head tilt.

Despite her refusal, you can't help but feel a twinge of disappointment. With a sigh, you nod in understanding, getting ready to leave her office, before she gives you a warm smile, feeling bad for denying you but your safety her biggest concern. Defeated and pouty you make your way downstairs, seeing if either of your girlfriends had returned home from working yet, wanting a little cheering up.

But to your disappointment, neither of them are home, Billie still working on her show and Wilhemina at work. As you glance out of the kitchen window, you can see some of Madison and the girls and so you make your way over with a determined glance, as an idea pops into your head.

,,Madison?'' you ask with a beaming smile, the blonde already rolling her eyes, knowing this means you want something from her, as she flicks her cigarette.

,,Could you teach me how to teleport?'' you ask, not wanting and needing to beat around the bush with her.

Her eyebrow raises, almost the same way Cordelia's had before, as she speaks ,,Can't you ask your girlfriend? the supreme?''.

Averting her gaze, you bite your lip ,,She said it's too dangerous'' you admit, the pout slowly returning to your features. ,,Well maybe then you should listen to her'' she states before a smirk creeps it's way to her features, seeing your desperation. ,,There's plenty of books in the greenhouse, just teach yourself it's not that hard'' she explains before shrugging her shoulders and walking off, throwing her cigarette to the floor.

And then it dawns on you how Madison was right, you often used several of the books in the greenhouse and library to teach yourself, especially for your potions. With a determined glance, you make your way to the greenhouse, hoping you could be alone to do your research and definitely hoping Cordelia wouldn't figure out your secret plan.

A while later you find yourself surrounded by the usual greenery, the earthy smell reminding you of home as the greenhouse was basically your second home at this point. You enjoyed spending time there, not only popping in and out whenever you needed something like the other witches. The greenhouse felt special to you, safe to you and as you stand there, you think back to your first kiss with your Delia in that exact spot, before eventually the two of you met your other two loves, medium to the stars and a certain purple obsessed redhead.

Flipping through the pages of a book about the seven wonders, you pretty much find it straight away, putting the book on the table and reading through the words written on the pages: ,,Salire per spatium. The ability to transport yourself instantly throughout physical space. Just pick a spot in the room, envision yourself there, and make it happen''

,,Make it happen'' you think to yourself with an eye roll as you continue reading, knowing it wasn't that easy as you had practiced that same thing a lot of times in the past, focusing your magic on somewhere you wanted to be and it never worked. As the hours pass on, you read some more and then some more until you have eventually read all of the books regarding or including transmutation and lost in your task, you completely missed that the sun had set a while ago.

,,Little one?'' Wilhemina's voice rings through the quiet greenhouse, causing you to jolt a little. ,,Hi Mina'' you smile, quickly putting the books back into the shelf before walking over to greet her. ,,Someone has been busy'' she states with a little chuckle before taking your hand and guiding you inside. ,,What have you been working on little one?'' she asks gently ,,Just some magic stuff you know, nothing special'' you mumble before you hear a chuckle escape the redheads throat. ,,Okay then little one.. dinner?'' she smirks before you nod in agreement and follow her into the dining room where your other two girlfriends wait for you.

,,Hello babydoll'' Billie greets you with a beaming smile, opening her arms. ,,Hi Billie'' you smile, happily letting her soft arms wrap around you before she plasters your face in kisses, causing you to giggle.

After being smothered by Billie, you take a seat next to the redhead, before Delia passes you a plate. ,,Thank you Delia'' you smile gratefully before the four of you fall into a comfortable conversation, Billie talking some about her work and the ghosts she had successfully chased away today, Wilhemina complaining about some new interns she is dealing with at work, that are apparently utterly clueless, causing you and Billie to chuckle a little as Cordelia listens with a raised eyebrow, amused by the redheads antics. ,,What about you babydoll?'' the medium to your left questions. ,,Let me repeat- just some magic stuff you know- nothing special'' Wilhemina mocks your earlier words in a playful way, causing you to smile as your cheeks blush a little, Billie bursting out in laughter.

,,What were you doing in the greenhouse for so long sweetheart?'' Cordelia asks curiously before you avert her gaze. ,,Working on my potions that's all'' you lie, knowing if she found out about you doing research about teleporting, she would scold you and probably be upset. She holds your gaze for a moment, being able to tell you aren't quite honest but she lets it slide, her workload causing her to forget already about your earlier conversation. ,,That was really good Dee'' you praise Cordelia's cooking, ignoring Wilhemina and Billie's eyes meeting and a smirk forming on their lips.

,,It really was Dee'' Billie Dean now playfully mocks before muttering ,,But somehow I'm still hungry... how about you Ms Venable?'' and the redhead simply continues smirking, Cordelia shaking her head in a playful way before your cheeks blush, slowly watching Billie get up, her fingers motioning you to follow her upstairs which of course you comply.

----

It has been two days since you have been researching and trying to learn transmutation. Despite reading every book, asking some of the witches for help, it wasn't working and with each passing second, each failed attempt, the frustration settles in. You had always been stubborn, wanting to make whatever you put into your head possible but it had always been a little tricky with your magic. Standing in the greenhouse, the sun had again set a while ago, your frustration and emotions bubble out of you, causing you to throw the books around the room in anger and frustration. Sighing deeply, you stand there for a second, blinking back some tears, the whole idea starting innocently enough but now you wanted to know, needed to do be able to do it, not to prove it to anyone other than you.

,,Babydoll?'' Billie's voice rings through the quiet greenhouse and with one quick motion you wipe the angry tears from your eyes. The blonde glances around the greenhouse for a second, before walking over, her heels echoing with each step. ,,Are you okay?'' she asks as she approaches, her features and voice laced with concern. You simply nod, not wanting to talk to her about it. The blonde takes your hands into hers before gently whispering ,,Tell me honey'' as she meets your eyes.

Silence follows, only increasing her worry for you before she speaks again ,,Come on my sweet girl, you have been hiding in here for days, what's bothering you?'' she asks so gently and filled with adoration and worry, you just couldn't not tell her. And so with a heavy sigh you begin to speak, filling her in how you have wanted to learn a new spell, how you had asked Delia but she said no, possibly leaving the part out where she said it was too dangerous, telling Billie how you had read every book, tried everything but it wasn't working. The medium frowns a little, wishing she could help you.

,,Why don't you try again for me?'' she tries but you shake your head in defeat ,,It won't work Billie'' you sigh but she encourages you. ,,Come on I believe in you sweet girl''. She positions herself behind you, placing her hands gently on your shoulders, giving you an encouraging pat before whispering ,,You can do it, do what you told me, think about somewhere and close your eyes''. Nodding, you do as you are told, fixing your mind on another point in the greenhouse, inhaling before exhaling deeply and closing your eyes.

Suddenly you disappear right in front of the medium, causing her breath to hitch a little. Panic fills her features before she turns around finding you there with a shocked expression. ,,You did it babydoll'' she beams and squeals at the same time, taking you into her arms. ,,How was that?'' she asks, filled with genuine excitement. ,,A-amazing'' you answer, taken back a little by the fact it actually worked. ,,Told you you could do it'' she states proudly, cupping your cheeks. ,,Personally I think that was due to my talents and the white light spirit of course'' she chuckles and you can't help but playfully roll your eyes. ,,Sure Billie'' you smile before she pulls you into a proud hug.

,,Billie?'' you ask, your voice sounding a little more serious. ,,Can this stay between us for now?'' you ask innocently, fluttering your eyelashes to add to your desired response. ,,I just wanted to surprise the other two'' you admit with puppy eyes. ,,You sure this has nothing to do with April fools coming up?'' the medium questions with a raised eyebrow. You gulp before she smiles ,,Sure babydoll, only if you promise me to be careful for me?'' and you nod seriously at her statement. ,,Promise''.

----

Two weeks pass, and with each passing day, you feel yourself growing more confident in your abilities. You practice in secret, hiding your skills until you feel ready to attempt the spell on your own. Finally, the morning of April Fools' Day arrives, and you're filled with nervous excitement as you prepare to execute the prank that started this whole thing to begin with.

With a deep breath, you focus your energy, channeling the magic within you as you visualize Cordelia's office in your mind. You utter the incantation under your breath, as you cast the spell with all the determination you possess.

Suddenly, the world around you blurs and shifts, and before you know it, you find yourself standing in Cordelia's office, a triumphant grin spreading across your face.

Cordelia looks up from her desk, her eyes widening in surprise as she takes in your sudden appearance. "What in the world?" she exclaims, momentarily startled before breaking into a delighted laugh. "Well, well, well, what do we have here? Someone's been practicing behind my back, haven't they?"

You beam proudly at her, feeling a rush of exhilaration at the success of your prank. "Surprise!" you exclaim, unable to contain your excitement. "Happy April Fools' Day, Cordelia!" you chant, meeting the supremes eyes. Despite her initial shock, Cordelia's face softens into a fond smile as she approaches you, wrapping you in a warm hug. "Well done, darling," she praises, her eyes shining with pride.

,,So this is why you wanted to learn how to teleport darling?'' she questions with a raised eyebrow and you simply avert her gaze, your cheeks coating in red a little. ,,Possibly?'' you whisper, hoping she wouldn't be too upset with you. ,,Happy now?'' she asks, her eyebrow still raised.

,,Definitely but wait til you see me prank Mina and Billie, they are in the garden'' you smirk, that same mischievous smile playing on your features. ,,Sweetheart wait'' she urges, despite the pride she is feeling, still worried about how you ended up learning the spell and wanting to make sure you could do so safely. As you focus your memory on the gardens, you disappear right in front of your girlfriends face, Cordelia rolling her eyes a little at your excitement, before making her way downstairs to watch your pranks on the other two.

Billie Dean stands with Madison and the girls, having a cigarette and out of nowhere you appear behind them ,,Boo'' you whisper, causing the medium to jolt and almost drop her cigarette to the floor. ,,Jesus'' she huffs, smirking a little though as she watches Wilhemina a few feet away from her, seeing as you are already getting ready for your next round. Focusing on the redhead you close your eyes.

,,Y/N'' an excruciating scream follows, Cordelia's heart stopping in her chest as she is almost downstairs. Somehow you must have calculated your next steps wrong, focusing on the black iron fence rather than the spot behind your girlfriend. Wilhemina watches in horror as your lifeless body hangs in the fence, Billie dropping her cigarette, already running over, her heels angrily tapping against the ground.

,,I think I've seen this film before'' Madison mutters to Zoe, remembering a similar incident years ago. Zoe shakes her head, rolling her eyes before running over to you, Cordelia equally on her way.

,,What the hell happened?'' Wilhemina's voice rings through the air, Billie shaking uncontrollably ,,Teleporting, she's been learning to teleport, she must have done it wrong'' the medium states, with shaking hands before at last the supreme joins them, her face filled with horror and shock.

,,Girls get inside now'' the supreme scolds, not wanting any of them to see this. With shaky hands she reaches for you, with a flick of her wrist having the four of you in the greenhouse, your body now on the table. Blood streams everywhere, down the table, Cordelia's shaky hands. Wilhemina watches in terror at your state, not having the smallest clue what just happened. ,,I feel so bad, this is all my fault'' Billie cries, considering she is the one that encouraged you.

Wilhemina carefully scans the blondes features, confusion written across her face. ,,She's been wanting to learn it so bad and then-'' the medium begins before her sobbing betrays her. ,,Then what?'' Wilhemina questions, trying to stay calm. ,,She couldn't do it and I helped her practice'' the medium admits under her girlfriends gazes. ,,You what?!'' the supreme now speaks, her voice laced with anger, despite feeling guilty herself, knowing she could have taught you better and safer.

,,You can fix this right?'' Wilhemina speaks softly, trying to keep calm despite her inner turmoil. Cordelia simply nods, with careful movements hovering her hands over your bleeding body. Gently her face moves closer to you before she closes her eyes and carefully blows on your face, quite literally putting some life back into you.

Silence follows, their hearts beating with fear over you before you choke on the blood that had been building up inside your mouth. Billie gasps both with relief but also shock seeing the blood stream from your mouth. ,,Little one?'' Wilhemina whispers, carefully moving closer to you. Cordelia is quick to fetch a cloth and wipe your mouth, softly and gently guiding you through this and finding your breathing again ,,That's it sweetheart, slow breaths for me'' she instructs.

Finally you open your eyes, seeing your three girlfriends, Wilhemina by your side her face conflicted with pain and relief, Billie's face filled with gratitude and guilt and Cordelia's face simply filled with soft adoration and love for you. Confusion washes over you, not understanding or recalling what had happened. ,,Wha-?'' you try to speak but your voice quickly betrays you, your throat and body in a soaring pain.

,,No sweetie, don't try to talk yet, you need rest'' Cordelia coos, cupping your cheeks gently. With a gentle and swift motion your blonde girlfriend has you in her arms, carrying you safe and soundly through the academy towards your bedroom. Billie and Wilhemina follow closely behind, not a word spoken between the two of them. After finally making it back to the bedroom, the supreme lays you on the bed gently, before leaving to the bathroom for a second. As you lay there, you still cannot recall what happened since teleporting behind Billie Dean.

The pain pierces through your body, every bone hurting, feeling as if your bruised everywhere. Not having the strength to actually observe your body or think, let alone talk, you lay there eyes closed and taking deep breaths. Within seconds Wilhemina and Billie are by your side, as you feel a gentle hand stroke your cheek assuming it's Mina's and another soft but manicured hand holding onto yours and squeezing it a little. Shortly after Cordelia finds you again, with a fresh set of clothes and a wet cloth to clean you.

The next minutes are painful as they help rid your body of the reminder your foolishness had left on it. ,,It's okay sweetie, you are doing so well'' Cordelia coos, as she puts you in some clean clothes, discarding of your blood stained ones. ,,You rest now my sweet girl'' she reminds you before her hands hover over your body once again, this time putting you to sleep, to gently guide you to some rest and letting your body recover from the events.

As soon as you are finally asleep, a long sigh falls from their lips, relieved to see you okay. ,,Delia I-'' Billie speaks softly, meeting her lovers gazes. ,,Not in here'' the blonde responds, her voice neutral given the circumstances. And so the three of them gently step away from the bed, Cordelia leading them to her office next door, Wilhemina glancing at you one last time before gently closing the door. As they walk through the hallway, the academy is silent, only the sound of cane taps and heels to be heard as they retreat to the privacy of the supremes office.

,,Dee I'm so sorry'' Billie apologies under tears, as Cordelia walks to her desk, taking a seat and rubbing her temples in frustration. ,,Can someone fill me in?'' Wilhemina's voice rings through the bedroom, before the blondes eyes meet her own. ,,Y/N has been wanting to learn teleportation, that's why she's been in the greenhouse so much, I found her a while ago and she told me she couldn't do it, I encouraged her and she managed to do it'' the medium admits, her guilty gaze falling on the supreme. ,,I think she wanted to learn it to prank us today, but I also think she got frustrated not being able to do it'' Billie explains, her eyes pleading with Cordelia's. There is a long silence, Wilhemina letting the words sink in, feeling frustrated with you but at the same time understanding all to well about stubbornness and wanting to be better.

,,It's my fault Billie not yours'' Cordelia finally speaks, some tears lingering in her brown eyes. ,,She asked me for help and I turned her down'' she admits ,,I thought it was too dangerous and I was busy'' she adds, a tear streaming down her features. Billie walks over to Cordelia before kneeling in front of her ,,She's fine now honey, thanks to you'' Billie thanks her, reaching out to cup her cheek before Cordelia melts into her touch, the medium wiping her tears. Wilhemina remains silent, not necessarily finding the right words, not mad at either one of them, understanding Cordelia's reasoning and not blaming Billie in the slightest.

Silence stretches over the room, a long one as the three of them try and find peace with what they had witnessed, images of your body still lingering on their minds. Meanwhile you had woken up with a gasp, a dream reminding you of the events that unfolded earlier today, your body still taken back by the pain. As you glance around the room you can't find either of them and with a painful gasp you make your way to your girlfriends, the guilt already consuming you and wanting to apologise. It takes you several minutes, leaning on the walls to finally get to Cordelia's office, despite it only being one door away.

With all the strength within you, you push the door open, finding your girlfriends, Delia and Billie by the supremes desk, Wilhemina closeby, the three of them lost in thoughts. ,,Sweetheart?'' Cordelia speaks, seeing your pained state and not expecting you to be awake yet. ,,Are you okay?'' Billie questions, already on her way over to you. ,,I- I- teleported into a fence'' you state, guilt consuming you ,,I'm so so sorry'' you apologise, feeling bad for lying, for not listening and for making them watch.

Cordelia's features soften, seeing the genuine guilt and not feeling anger towards you, knowing she should have just helped you to begin with. ,,You sure did babydoll'' Billie chuckles a little, taking you into her arms, wanting to lighten the mood a little. Cordelia is quick on her feet, before taking your hand. ,,Come on, you need rest sweetheart'' she argues, guiding you gently back to bed. ,,Delia I'm sorry'' you plead with her as she tucks you in. She sits beside you before explaining ,,I'm sorry darling for not helping you, you did a great job teaching yourself and this kinda thing can happen, I'm just glad you're okay''. You nod at her statement, tears swelling in your eyes.

,,Can we agree on no teleporting for a while?'' Billie Dean's voice fills the air as she stands behind the supreme. ,,Promise'' you whisper a little shy, feeling embarrassed about the whole thing. ,,You must be exhausted babydoll'' Billie states, noticing your state ,,Let me get you some water'' she coos, before Cordelia looks at you ,,I'm just going to fill in the girls that you are okay, alright? I'll be right back sweetie'' she promises before pressing a kiss to your forehead.

After they leave silence follows, Wilhemina simply standing by the bed, averting your gaze. Your heart pounds guiltily in your chest, before you break the silence. ,,Mina I'm sorry'' you whisper, barely audible but she picks it up. Her gaze meets yours, her features softening at seeing your genuine guilt and trembling state. With quiet steps she makes her way towards you, before sitting beside you. ,,It's okay little one'' she coos, finding your hand under the blanket Cordelia had tugged you in. ,,Just-'' she begins to speak but stops herself, her emotions getting ahold of the redhead. ,,Just don't ever do that again'' she speaks, tears lingering in her brown eyes. ,,I can't lose you little one'' she admits, causing your eyes to fill with tears.

,,I promise Mina'' you whisper, tears flowing freely from your eyes, but your Mina is quick to catch them, before pulling you onto her lap. ,,Come here little one'' she coos, her chin resting on your head as she holds you close. ,,You're okay little one, all safe and sound'' she coos before pressing a gentle kiss to your head.

[dreamypqulson]

— and i know we got some potential, cause that look you gave me was so gentle

summary: cordelia tutors you when you fall behind in your herbal class unbeknownst to her that the reason your so lost is because you can't take your mind off of her.

pairing: cordelia goode x reader

word count: 1200

a/n: i know i haven’t posted in awhile and i have requests that i have to write but this was just a little scrap that i’m deciding to post so nobody forgets about me! :)

It was awful, really. And you felt bad for it. For wasting her time. This is not going to help. If you needed some extra help in your herbal class, then you need assistance from Zoe, or Queenie, or Myrtle, someone who is not this woman.

It was comical, and you almost laughed right in her face when she ask you if you wanted her to tutor you later in the evening. You didn't need help. You were a smart and powerful which. You just needed her out of you head. There was too much of her to even pay attention to the task at hand.

And it hurt too. There was no denying that. With the many obvious signs that she was helplessly in love with you, you ignored them all. She's the supreme for god sakes. She was so close yet felt so out of your reach.

You were just wasting time in this goddamn greenhouse. Every minute with her counts, but right now, you were just staring straight at the wall behind her, daydreaming of what you could be doing instead. What— no, who you could be kissing and showing you truth to.

You hear her snapping and it pulls you out of your deep trances. It's honey brown eyes and hair golden in the moonlight that's shining through the roof window that you notice first. "Are you even listening?" She doesn't sound annoyed, but she's clearly had enough of this. All this. What even is this?

"I'm sorry, Miss Cordelia. I am, I just—"

"You don't have to call me that, ya know." It hurts too much to not call you it. If you call her Cordelia then it seems to real. She's not your mentor, not your supreme, she's Cordelia. And so you stand behind that Miss Cordelia barrier that you build. The one that Cordelia tries so hard to break down.

"I know." As you stare into her eyes so warm that you feel as though your melting, as they soften as they stare back at you, she cups you heated cheeks. You know that she feels how hot they are, you know that she knows what is going on with you, but still, she asks,

"What's really going on? You're one of my strongest witches, sweetie."

You truly want to tell her that she's so distracting because you've unwillingly fell in love with her. Because, then, maybe you'll be able to pay better attention in class. But instead you tell her, "I just haven't been sleeping right," sugarcoating your love for her and letting it melt in your mouth.

It's not a complete lie; because you cannot sleep when she walks by your room to assure that you are safe in bed. You cannot sleep when you've see her only an hour before your rest in a simple pajama slip. Milky silk and see-through if it were any thinner.

"We should make you a sleeping potion then." She knows your lying, but she is not going to force you to be honest. That's not what she is here for. She just wants you to be ready. She would wait forever for you to tell her how you feel.

And then she's gathering the ingredients. Patting around the greenhouse as soft as a spring day, and you have to look to see if she is even walking. Look to see that she's not flying around instead of walking like an angel that you could mistake her to be.

She stands behind you and her arms are locking you in between the table and her body. She's wearing a nightgown like every other night and you can feel her breasts press against your back. Your breath hitches and you think she notices because she asks if you're okay. You nod, because you cannot speak, you cannot do anything besides stand there as if you were built with cement.

Her blonde hair falls against your shoulder and you get a strong whiff of her lavender shampoo. She smells so sweet and you feel like you are being embraced by a fresh pastry.

"Do you remember one of the key ingredients for our sleeping potion?" She tests you, because she knows that the day she taught this, her shirt seemed to be just a little shorter cut than usual. She knows you weren't paying attention to sleep and potions and herbs that day.

"Um...," you feel so pathetic for not knowing. So useless. "No, not really."

She smiles still. You can hear it in her voice, "That's just alright. Chamomile is one of the main ingredients." She speaks softly and begins grinding the chamomile into the mixture. Her freckled arms rub against yours with each movement. Bare skin against bare, and you yearn for more.

These emotions are too strong for your body to handle. They cannot fit as you are too much already filled with Cordelia. You are going to explode if you don't let it out somehow. And so you stand there and permit silent tears to roll down your face.

You assume that Cordelia won't notice, but a warm tear ends up landing on her hand and she cannot stand there and pretend that it didn't happen. She doesn't want to make you uncomfortable, but the only way she knows to make everything better is to be upfront and loving.

She grabs your waist, gently, and turns your body so your facing her now. It's so close; you can feel her soft breath against your face and her legs are practically intertwined with yours. "I don't want you to lie to me anymore," she doesn't sound angry still, just so desperate. And you know you look a mess right now but she thinks you're so pretty.

"I don't think I know how to not do that," more tears fall down. You are so afraid because you know that it's too far this time. There is no going back to what you once were with Cordelia just an hour before this.

"Show me?"

Your trembling hands cup her cheeks this time, smooth beneath your palm. You don't want to pull her forward, you need her to show you that she isn't the supreme right now. You always need her.

"It's okay," she merely whispers, nods, and smiles softly. And you forget about you fears, about the sugarcoated emotions on your tongue. You lean forward and everything's so fuzzy and blurry around you; like a fever dream, but it's oh so real.

She moans into your mouth. She sounds so pretty against you. It's the perfect combination of her vanilla chapstick and your strawberry one to create the sweetest taste.

Her hands are still on your waist and she pulls back, but only her lips so she can rest her forehead against yours. "Not so scary, right?"

"Well i'm scared that I just fucked everything up."

She shakes her head and smiles delicately at you. "You didn't fuck anything up. I would've been out the door by now." Your laugh and hers are a soft melody that echo against the four walls of the greenhouse. She grabs your hands and tangles her slim fingers with yours. "I. love. you."

"Promise me that it's what you want." You still can't believe it. But you can't have it if it's not real.

"It's what I always wanted. What I wanted when I met you. What I want, still, now."

"Then you should know that I always wanted it. I love you too. So much."

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[oh-mydarling]

GIRLS' NIGHT

a drunken reader returns home to her lovers

pairing: Billie Dean Howard x Cordelia Goode x Reader

Word count: 2.2K

warnings: alcohol, vomiting (not explicitly mentioned)

It was a Friday night at the coven and like always, that meant that you witches dispersed across the city. Some of the younger girls headed home for the weekend with their families and the older ones typically hung around, out drinking and clubbing every weekend. 

You weren’t either, really. You didn’t have much of a family to go home to; the coven was your family as far as you were concerned. And as for the drinking, you weren’t a massive fan. Your ideal weekend was spent with your two loves in the quiet of the New Orleans mansion, reading and napping the stressful week away. 

The three of you did have an agreement that while you all wanted nothing more than to spend every waking moment together, it was good to have space and do things separately. After all, it made it all the more rewarding when you came back to each other after a day apart and got to relish in each others’ presence. 

So, on this occasion, you were getting ready to head out with Madison and Zoe. You were perched at the vanity, adding the finishing touches to your makeup while Billie lay sprawled on the bed, watching you intently in the mirror. She was still dressed from work, letting you have the bathroom before she showered and changed for the evening, but her feet were up in the air with her little pink slippers on, softening her appearance.

Delia was elsewhere in the coven, pottering around and preparing to close down for the night. There were a few young witches whose weekend plans had fallen through, and she had organised a movie night for them which she would be attending; right now, she was pouring popcorn into bowls and arranging snack platters for the girls. She felt awful that their weekends hadn’t gone to plan, and so she was eager to make them happy. 

“You look perfect, angel” Billie drawled out, coming up behind you to give you a kiss on the cheek, “I wish I was coming so I could look at you across the bar,” she smirked, winking at you in the mirror. You laughed, blushing at her affection, “I wish you were coming too, Bill.” 

“You’re gonna have a lovely time, baby, I’m excited for you!” 

You laughed, “Not as lovely as you! A cute movie night with the little ones,” you teased, getting up from your chair to meet the other girls downstairs. 

“Oh ha ha,” she laughed sarcastically, following you down the stairs into the kitchen to say bye to Delia. 

Your supreme looked up from where she was working in the kitchen, giving you a soft smile and holding out an arm to bring you in, “you look beautiful sweetheart,” she smiled, kissing your temple, “thank you Delia!” You smiled, excited to go out after their compliments raised your ego. 

“Look at our girl, do a twirl y/n!” Billie said, clapping her hands excitedly as you twirled for them, laughing lightly at their silliness. 

“Now I have to go, they’re waiting for me!” You laughed, trying to escape them after they had captured you in their arms, covering you with kisses. 

Your heels clicked down the hallway, running towards the girls as they waited for you by the door, Madison rolling her eyes at the three of you. 

“Let’s go, y/n!” 

“I’m coming, I’m coming!” 

You arrived at the bar and sat down at a corner table, sending a quick text to your girlfriends to let them know you arrived. Madison had gone to the bar to get you a drink, and you already regretted allowing her to choose your beverage, knowing she would likely be getting you whatever she thought would get you drunk the fastest. 

Zoe was at the bar with her, ordering herself what you predicted to be a vodka coke, her usual drink of choice. 

When they both returned, you got straight into the gossip, Madison giving you the gory details of her latest endeavours with her co-stars and Zoe gushing about Kyle. They always gave you the opportunity to chat about your relationship, but for some reason you never really wanted to. It felt weird to discuss the intimate details of your love life with the other witches, knowing you would be exposing their supreme, although she would’t have minded, of course. 

You hadn’t really been keeping an eye on your drink; once you had had a few, you became so engrossed in conversation and telling your friends how much you loved them that you didn’t quite realise how often Madi made a trip to the bar to refill your drink. You didn’t even question it when when she mixed up the choice, preferring to mix alcohols instead of keeping you to one. 

Some would perhaps call it a friendly sabotage, but you knew she just wanted you to let loose for one. And let loose you did. After getting kicked out of the bar for refusing to stop dancing on the table, the other girls had finally admitted defeat and decided they had better walk you home.

Back at the coven, none of the witches had really heard your approach, all too engrossed in the movie they were watching, although Billie would definitely deny that later. 

They didn’t hear you stumble into the gates, trying and failing to push them open, nor did they hear you laughing your way up the front steps and struggling with your key in the lock while Madison rolled her eyes. 

They did, however, hear you run into the lounge where the movie was playing, flicking on the lights and gaining the attention of every witch in the room. 

Their heads whipped round at you stood in the doorway with a goofy smile, Cordelia frowning at you confusedly while Billie smirked. 

“Hello everybody,” you grinned, “I love you all!” You shouted, making Billie snort.

The younger girls giggled, looking nervously at each other; this wasn’t what they had predicted for movie night, that was for sure. 

Cordelia hopped up from her seat snuggled with the girls, ushering you out of the room while everyone burst into a fit of giggles, ‘okay, lets go and get you some water,” she mumbled, shooting a glare at Zoe and Madison. 

Billie followed shortly after, switching the light back off to continue the movie while she wandered into the kitchen where you now were. 

You had climbed up onto a chair of the kitchen table, arms in the air and swaying slightly while singing very badly. Poor Cordelia was fretting, holding onto the bottom of your skirt to keep you stable and trying to coax you down from the chair, while simultaneously scolding Zoe and Madison for being so irresponsible with you. 

Bille sauntered in and leant against the doorway with her arms crossed, smirking at you. When you caught sight of her, you shrieked, pointing towards her, “my billie! There’s my silly billie!” You laughed hysterically, making her chuckle while Cordelia sighed, having now let you go so she could rub her temples in stress. 

Billie came towards you, certain she would have more success than Cordelia in getting you down from the chair because she was laughing along with you, “well hello baby,” she laughed, “it looks like you had a nice time!” 

She had her hands on your waist, looking up at you with the sweetest smile. 

You were laughing, head thrown back and glowing under the light of the kitchen, and Bille swore her heart skipped a beat. It wasn’t often you let yourself relax this much, and not only was it hilarious, but it warmed her through to know that you were enjoying yourself and felt safe enough to let your hair down. 

“Billie, get her down,” Cordelia mumbled from where she stood against the kitchen counter, watching nervously in case you slipped. 

“It’s okay Delia,” the medium smiled over at her, offering reassurance that she had you, you wouldn’t fall. 

Zoe and Madison had skulked out of the kitchen, not wanting to be blamed for your silly behaviour, and so just the three of you remained in the kitchen now while the other witches supervised the remainders of movie night with the youngest girls. 

“Baby, why don’t you come down and we can go to bed?” Cordelia asked, approaching you and holding out a hand next to Billie, which you quickly accepted, mistaking her tone for flirting, “ooh bed time, don’t mind if I do,” you leapt down and wiggled your eyebrows, causing Billie to snort once again, absolutely loving this side of you. 

You pressed your lips sloppily against the supreme’s mouth, and she entertained you, despite the taste of alcohol that coated your tongue. 

Billie cleared her throat next to you, “I hope you’re not forgetting me, babydoll,” she winked, causing you to pull away from Cordelia and plant your lips on hers next, giggling into the kiss. 

You stopped suddenly, growing serious as you stared between them both, “I want fries.” You stated, not wavering in the slightest. 

Cordelia laughed lightly, heading to the freezer to take them out and put them in the oven, “coming right up!” 

“Thanks mommy!” You grinned cheekily, plopping yourself down on the kitchen chair you were once stood on. 

“Oh Jesus,” Cordelia mumbled, while Billie lost her shit, cackling in a way you hadn’t heard for quite some time, which then had you doubled over laughing at her. 

“What am I gonna do with you!” Delia laughed, coming over to sit next to you. 

After lots of giggles and lots of nonsense from you, your fries were finally ready and Billie plated them up for you, handing them over with a wry smile. 

You decided to skip the table and walked off down the hallway with your plate, leaving both women stood confusedly in your wake, frozen in stupor given the events of the evening. 

You had been craving this since you had arrived at the bar; in fact, the drunk food was half the reason you decided to go in the first place, and you just couldn’t wait to take a bite. What you hadn’t considered, though, was the temperature of the food straight out of the oven, and you promptly yelped upon munching a fry and dropped the plate in shock. 

The two blondes looked at each other, confused, before silently agreeing to venture out and find the source of the clatter. The sight that they found was definitely not one they anticipated; you were sat on the floor in a heap, plate of fries in front of you, crying silently. When you saw the two women approach, you started wailing, “my fries! My fries!” 

Billie was laughing, which made you even more emotional in your drunken state, so Cordelia shot her a glare and sat down next to you, “no baby, don’t worry! They’re okay, see? They’re still on the plate! You can still eat them!” 

And with that permission, you didn’t even wait to pick the plate up, instead dining on the fries that now sat on the floor and laughing to yourself at how funny it all was. 

Suddenly you stopped munching. Mouth freezing while still half full of food, and you looked up at Cordelia worried. She knew instantly what was about to happen and she dragged you up to stand, “ooookay, let’s go to the bathroom, let’s go!” 

She escorted you hurriedly up the stairs and into the ensuite where you prompted to empty your stomach of your floor fries. Cordelia held your hair back and rubbed circles on your back while Billie was still downstairs, prepping to deal with the inevitable hangover that awaited you. 

She filled a jug of water, grabbed a salty snack for your morning cravings, and gathered up all the painkillers she could find; Cordelia would know which ones were best for you. 

When she entered the bedroom, she could hear you and your girlfriend talking quietly,  and after setting the items down she followed the sound into the bathroom, where she found you laying on the tile floor complaining to Delia about how you would never go out again. 

“Poor baby,” Billie cooed, sitting down on the floor so she could stroke your hair. Delia was perched on the side of the bath, watching you carefully in case you needed to throw up again. 

When you did muster up enough energy to move, they helped steady you as you walked out of the bathroom towards your bed, where you sat up against the pillows watching them move around the room, preparing themselves for an evening of sleep. 

Cordelia wore silk pyjamas, applying moisturiser in the vanity and brushing her hair. Billie was gathering up her clothes, putting her heels back in the wardrobe, and brushing her teeth at the same time. 

You sat silently, watching them both and incredibly grateful that they were the people you got to come home to. 

Eventually, they made their way into bed with you, nestling you between them so they could keep an eye on you overnight. Cordelia handed you water she had poured from the jug and Billie stroke your hair, coaxing you to sleep; she knew you were always wired when you came home drunk, but she also knew how grateful you would be for a good night of sleep. 

The next morning, the sun cracked through the window in the gap Cordelia had left in the curtains, and it felt to you as though it had penetrated your skull. Your head was pounding and the room was spinning, but at least you had your two loves to hold you still. 

taglist: @lanawinters-ily

[lanawinters-ily]

The Purple Dragon

Wilhelmina Venable is the most unapproachable, untouchable individual you had ever met, yet she has a soft spot for you. Why?

Pairing: Wilhelmina Venable x Reader

Word Count: 1600

Warnings: mention of struggling with mental health

Wilhelmina Venable was a complex individual. Stand-offish, rude, stubborn. The negative descriptions could go on, yet some element of you felt drawn to her.

Throughout your lifetime you had always sought out hidden meanings - in books, signs, & eventually people. Being a firm believer in the fact that everything happens for a reason, meant that you always thought that people acted a certain way because of a certain thing.

There must be an explanation for everything - past or present. Whether this was a desire to control, or to balance the unknown in life, you didn’t know.

All that mattered was your inquisition. And consequently, this would lead you on the greatest adventure of your life.

You had known her for almost a year, the longest lasting assistant she had ever had. It could be due to your competence, your failure to give up, or possibly some element of Ms Venable.

However, this didn’t make working with the redhead any easier. She was called the ‘purple dragon’ for a reason; holding a fiery passion that most considered anger.

But not you.

Because of this, you had always treated Venable with the kindest of hearts. This was not unusual for you, but even the most saint-like person could crumble with one strike of the redhead’s stony glare. Luckily you had everlasting compassion when it came to even the most difficult of souls.

Well, not all the time.

It was a bad day. One of those days in which the bed is so comfy, so warm, so safe, that it seems impossible to leave. Your heart was heavy, & your mind even more so, dragging your body into the heavy depths; sinking & drowning as you were held down by the currents of numbness.

You should have called in sick, taken a day off for yourself, but you weren’t very good at doing this. Being a burden, a difficulty, seemed far worse than pulling yourself through the workday, so you chose to stumble into the office with the countenance of a particularly exhausted zombie.

Wilhelmina was also having a rough day, waking up with severe pain along her spine. This pain was not only physical, it also brought with it a fair share of mental anguish - mostly made up of resentment & irritation at her weakness.

What only made this worse was what the redhead discovered when she arrived at work. She had forgotten to bring her bag, & therefore, her medication.

Fuck, she cursed.

As the pain increased, she became even more aware of the fact that she couldn’t drive in this condition. She didn’t have a phone or any money either, so it’s not like she could call a taxi to pop home. Wilhelmina was just going to have to grit her teeth & bare it for the next few hours, hoping that the gods would spare her the agony just this once.

“Ms Venable? Are you alright?”

You had appeared in the doorway of Wilhelmina’s office, eyes worriedly scanning her hunched over figure.

The redhead snapped up into an unnoticeable posture, feigning normality despite the pained shudder that rippled through her body.

“I’m just fine Miss Y/L/N.”

It was her turn to do a double take, looking at you with narrowed eyes as she scrutinised your appearance.

“On the contrary, it seems that you are not.”

This was entirely in character for Ms Venable to make such a blunt observation, so you were used to it. However, for some reason, today it was the last straw.

You bursted into noisy tears & sank to the ground. Curled up into a ball, you sobbed uncontrollably, not even caring about who was watching. What you were crying about, you weren’t quite sure. All you knew was that you couldn’t take today, & your emotions had just spilled out in a violent flow.

All you wanted was to lay on this cold, uncomforting floor & fall asleep. Or disappear. Anything would be better than this.

"Hey, sh sh sh," a gentle voice shushed your sobs of despair.

The contrast in tone led you to believe that another of your colleagues had come to your rescue, yet you didn't recognize the voice. You looked up in confusion, only to be met with a blur of purple.

Ms Venable; formidable, heartless, cold Ms Venable was knelt next to you.

"Come on, little one. Let's get you up." She said in a whispered tone.

Half in shock, half still in despair, you allowed yourself to be led to the purple sofa by the window. Your body felt so numb, not feeling Ms Venable's tight grip, or the sofa material as you sank into it. All you could do was sit & stare blankly, too overwhelmed internally to make a sound.

A familiar hand just stroked through your messy hair, silently understanding that words were too much. Lulling you into a calm, dreamlike state, this repetitive motion was just what you needed.

As you caught your heavy breaths & your parasympathetic system took hold, Wilhelmina was facing her own battle.

Her back was still in agony, even more so after kneeling & supporting your weight. Yet, somehow, her heart hurt thrice as much.

She never wanted it to be this way. You were the kindest, sweetest, most gentle person she had ever met. There was an essence about you that was addictive to Wilhelmina, a perfume of lightness that she couldn't help but smell until she was perfectly dizzy with love.

That was the issue. Love.

"Ms Venable," you mumbled. "Your back, you can't be sitting like this it-"

"It's okay little one, I'm alright." She spoke gently. "And call me Wilhelmina."

You noticed. You saw her. If possible, the butterflies in Mina's stomach flew more frantically as she tried to control the deep blush that settled on her cheeks.

God, she felt like a lovesick teenager all of a sudden.

"Okay, Mina." You said cheekily, gaining some colour back to your previously pale disposition.

Wilhelmina gave you a stern look, but it was more a caricature of her usual demeanor, turned soft by you.

You both wanted to say something, but were simply lost in each other's eyes. Her pupils were a rich brown, so deep that you could wander in them for hours and never get bored.

Without warning, she moved closer to you, resting her hand onto your knee. You closed the gap, pulling her into a kiss of fiery passion.

Perhaps she did like being a dragon after all, just not in the way she had expected.

Wilhelmina was hypnotic; a drug, and now you had a taste you just couldn't get enough. And from the way she was kissing you, it seemed as if she was just as addicted.

She was the first to pull away, which made your breath shudder with anxiety. What if she regretted this?

But her comforting hand resting on your cheek, and the look of adoration in her eyes told you otherwise.

"What's going on sweet one, hm?"

You broke her gaze, feeling entirely too vulnerable. There was nothing you hated more than explaining your mental state; it didn't even make sense to you so how were you to express it.

"It's just one of those days Mina, where everything feels...wrong." You sighed. "I don't really know how to say it in a way that makes sense."

"It's okay." Wilhelmina nodded. "I think I get where you're coming from. Sometimes when I'm having a bad day with my back, I can struggle with that too."

"You do?" You said in surprise.

"Yes, darling. I do."

"But you're always so strong. I never would have thought."

"People have different ways of showing it, little one." Mina spoke gently. "I snap at people, I get angry, I scream; all because I feel so out of control."

"Oh." You said. It all made sense now.

This time, she captured your lips in a kiss. It was more slow and steady than the former; a way of saying 'we have time'.

So, you sat there for a while, quietly soaking in each other's presence and stealing a kiss every few moments.

If someone had told you an hour ago that Wilhelmina Venable would be looking at you like this, being gentle with you like this, you would have laughed in their face.

Never did you think that your feelings would be returned, and neither did she.

Suddenly the door creaked open, and one of your colleagues stepped in. Instantly you tensed, waiting for Wilhelmina to turn away from you, to be embarrassed by you.

But she sat, unmoving, as her steely gaze fixed on her new target.

"Susan." She said bluntly. "What have I told you about knocking before disturbing me?"

Now Susan was a fairly confident woman, chatty most times. But in the presence of the purple dragon, she crumbled and stuttered.

"I j-just needed-"

"Needed what? Something so important that you decided to barge straight into my office unannounced? An emergency, perhaps?"

"Well, no but-"

"Well then I'd prefer if you let us be, thank you."

And that was that. Susan scuttled out of the room like a scolded child. To your utmost surprise, Wilhelmina pulled you into her side and kissed your hairline.

"No harm will come to you now I'm around, little one."

"I love you Mina."

"I love you most, my sweet."

[deliasbabe]

I'll Travel Far Beyond the Path of Reason (Take me back to Eden)- Cordelia x reader (Part 1)

You and Cordelia get into a fight and you are attacked by witch hunters. If you couldnt tell by the summary, heavy HEAVY angst.

I've been working on this for over a year and if I don't post it now I'll continue to tweak it until the end of time. Enjoy babes and I'll see you for part 2!

Words: 8.6k

Warnings: Violence, Blood, ANGST, drugging, drug & alcohol use, PTSD

How could you have been so stupid?

It had started off innocently. You had always played the good cop to your supreme’s bad cop. She dispensed the punishment, stern but always loving, and you spared the girls from it as much as possible. It had become sort of a banter between the two of you, the way you would intercept the issues before they ever reached her office door, correcting the situation so well she only ever heard about it months after the fact in hushed whispers. She would always scold you, but there was a hint of a smile only you could see, and she never was mad for long. So, when the girls called you the other night and admitted they messed up, you climbed out of bed and drove across town without a second thought, and without waking your sleeping girlfriend.

You thought it was simple, they snuck out after curfew, went to a party, and drank a bit too much. But when the cops knocked on the coven’s door two days later, your girlfriend was blindsided, and you had learned their little screw up wasn’t so little.

Grand theft auto, to be exact. Seems they had left out the part where they took some asshats car for a joyride and crashed it, but that was after he had been a little too handsy with the youngest and tried to spike her drink. You called it penance, but your girlfriend called it-

“A felony, Y/N.” She spat, “They committed a felony, and you kept it from me.”

“I didn’t know all of the information.” You argued, “All I knew was they snuck out and needed a ride.”

“You still should have told me. I’m responsible for those girls.” Cordelia fumed, “I know I let you get away with it before, but this is too far. What am I supposed to tell their parents? That their own teacher helped them leave the scene of a crime?”

“Once again, Dee,” You lamented, “I didn’t know. They kept that tidbit of information private.”

It was supposed to be date night, the one day a month you could manage to drag your workaholic girlfriend from her office and away from her responsibilities. But she was seething over her glass of red and you couldn’t seem to get a word in edgewise, so you quickly came to terms with the fact that it wasn’t going to be a pleasant evening, even if you were at one of the nicest places in town.

“You know that doesn’t matter.” She spit, “They could go to jail.”

“What would you have done if you’d known?” You asked, already knowing the answer, “If I had woken you up, what would you have done? Woken Mallory up so she could reverse time and make sure the whole thing didn’t happen? Magically move the dented pieces back into place? You couldn’t have done anything.”

“Don’t be condescending.” Cordelia growled, “You aren’t supposed to keep secrets from me, that’s not how this works. Especially when it comes to the girls. You should have said something.”

“So you could yell at them for sneaking out? So, when they did it again, they’d be too scared to call?” You asked, Cordelia shaking her head.

“They still lied to you,” She bit, “So your plan seems to have some flaws.”

“They were scared.” You argued, “They knew if they told me everything, I would’ve come to you.”

“You should have come to me regardless.” Cordelia spat, “I’m the headmistress of this academy and your supreme.”

“And I trust you with my life,” You said, “But right now you aren’t really showing your level head.”

And oh boy, if her eyes could shoot daggers, you’d be bleeding out on the floor. She scoffed, her jaw clenching and grinding as she mulled over her response. Normally, she would roll her eyes and grin at the joke, but she simply shook her head and grabbed her things, leaving the restaurant without another word.

“Delia…” You called after her, but she didn’t turn around, and your waitress was on you before you could even think to go after her, “I guess I’ll take the check.”

When you reached the parking lot, your car was gone, and you lolled your head back and let out a frustrated grunt as it started to drizzle. The symbolism wasn’t lost on you, walking across town in the rain only to come back with your tail between your legs. She was putting you through the ringer for this one, and while you couldn’t really blame her, she also wasn’t being completely fair. Not telling her the girls had snuck out was on you, one hundred percent. But you weren’t a mind reader, and you had absolutely no way of knowing the girls weren’t being truthful, you were just as surprised as she was. But still, you knew she needed someone to be angry with, now that the damage was done.

Still, an hour long walk in the now pouring rain seemed a bit excessive. The woman was blessed with the ability to transmutate but still left you stranded just to prove a point. You were lucky you had been in the city long enough to know your way around, especially at night. The choice to avoid the French Quarter added about twenty minutes to your trek, but it was the smarter option, given the string of muggings that seemed to plague the location, although the extra time didn’t help you escape your thoughts.

You and Cordelia had never fought like this. Sure, you bickered, but all it took was one well timed joke and the feeling was fleeting, replaced with poorly hidden smiles and ticklish sides. The arguments were meaningless, spurred on by minor miscommunications or the occasional poorly timed joke, never like this, if anything they were humorous. You knew Cordelia was protective, that she’d do anything for her girls, and you had grown to love her mama-bear tendencies, but she had never turned them on you.

You turned down an empty alley, a shortcut that would spit you out a few houses down from your destination, your desperation to get home overpowering your hatred of tiny, cramped, dimly lit spaces. You walked quickly, looking over your shoulder at every step, terrified that you would turn around and someone would be chasing you with an axe like the movies.

You glanced forward, a few more steps and you would be free, but as soon as you approached the exit, two men stepped into your view, and you stopped on a dime, “Going somewhere, witch?”

Witch Hunters.

Since the coven had gone public, more men were willing to join their ranks, and you turned on your heel and booked it the second they stepped in your direction. You never were a star athlete, though, and soon enough you were being pulled to the ground and restrained. You fought against it, earning a set of knuckles to the left side of your face, and you felt his ring scratch down your cheek as you tasted blood. You felt their hands everywhere, holding you down as three more blows hit, your stomach, the side of your ribs, and another to the face just for good measure. You tried to focus, but complete panic overwhelmed all your senses. You knew how to handle this. Cordelia had worked with you and trained you until you could do it in your sleep, but with the adrenaline pumping and the blood rushing through your ears you couldn’t seem to remember it at all, all you knew was that you had to get home to Cordelia to warn her, you couldn’t keep something from her again.

Somewhere in the haze you caught a flash of silver, a searing pain, and then the hands were gone. You didn’t remember pulling yourself up, but as you were dragging yourself back towards the house, you did remember having to dislodge your feet from under the dead bodies. It hurt to breathe, to stand, to move, but you mustered up what energy you could as you pulled yourself up the steps of the academy, wiping at your face as you spotted your car in the driveway, only for your hand to be covered in blood.

Your vision grew hazy as you reached for the doorknob, and you clumsily felt around till you were met with the cold, metal object, unable to trust your own eyes. You pressed your weight into the door, practically falling through and barely catching yourself on the entryway table. You spotted your lover in the kitchen, her back to you as you attempted to right yourself, “Dee…”

“I’m not talking to you.” She said shortly, shaking her head.

You lost your balance once more, falling into the wall this time. “No, Delia…” You tried again, your voice sounding strangled.

At the drop in your tone Cordelia was alarmed, shoulders squaring as she whipped her head around to meet your eyes. You didn’t think it was all that bad until you saw her expression, the way her eyes bugged out in horror, mouth gapping as she traced your form up and down, before her eyes landed on your stomach. You followed her gaze only to see a knife, and suddenly you were falling down, down, down.

You were pulsing in and out of consciousness, the world turning into a stop motion film. You saw her moving towards you, then she was on top of you, mouth forming around words and phrases you couldn’t seem to comprehend.

“What… Can you… Hold on… Stay with…”

You felt hands, first two on your face, tracing your cheekbone and calming you down. Then, you felt them everywhere, lifting you, and you fought against them with whatever strength you had left, deep laughs invading your mind as you felt those hands grip tighter and tighter. But then the rest of the hands were gone and there were those hands again, on your face and so soft, shushing you and lulling you into some limbo you didn’t know if you ever wanted to reach, running through your hair and grabbing your hand as you finally let the dark win.

“Just let it happen.”

Murmurs of familiar voices drew you into some semblance of consciousness. You couldn’t identify who was speaking, and for whatever reason, your eyelids felt like lead, unable to let even a sliver of light in.

But you could hear, the rustle of hair brushing against fabric, the tap of shoes.

“Not now.”

“You need to eat; it’s been two days.”

Then, a tone you recognized, still pleasant, but just enough bite to get the point across.

“I said not now.”

You tried to wiggle your fingers, flex your hands, show any sign of life, but there was some sort of disconnect between your body and mind, and it drove you nuts. Were you dead?

At the sound of the voice again, you wanted to reach out, to provide some comfort, but you couldn’t, and it made you want to scream. You were always claustrophobic, but this was a million times worse. You could feel your panic rising, the heat in your body constricting your lungs until you felt like you were suffocating. You heard a sound you couldn’t recognize, then the shuffling of feet.

“What’s going on?”

Then that voice, high pitched and panicked, “I don’t know.”

“Is she in pain? Do I need to get Mallory?”

That name, you knew that name, but why?

There was a pinch, then every nerve in your body was searing before going numb, the voices fading as you were desperately trying to claw your way back, losing your grip and falling into nothing once again.

When your eyes opened, the light blinded you and made your head throb, forcing you to shut them again. Slowly, you cracked one open at a time, trying to make sense of your surroundings. There were a pair of heels discarded by the bed, and the steady pounding of footsteps, one right after the other, a pause, and one right after the other again. You tried to lift your gaze up, only to be met with the glaring reflection of the sun rays in the mirror, and you shut your eyes and burrowed deeper under the covers. The footsteps stopped at the sound, stuttering against the hardwood, only to pick back up a moment later.

You cracked open one eye and looked down at the end of the bed, your girlfriend traversing the length of her bedroom, arms crossed, and a red thumbnail pinched between her teeth as she stared at the floor. You watched her for a moment, hair mused and lipstick smudged, wearing your favorite dress, and it almost brought a smile to your face, but then she turned around and you saw the dark maroon stain and everything came rushing back as your eyes snapped open.

She hadn’t changed, hadn’t washed her hands. The shoes discarded by your bed were the ones she was wearing, probably chucked to the side once the pain of the pacing had become too much to bear. You bit back tears, swallowed down the terror, and tried to speak, but your throat was dry and hoarse from the screaming. Your mouth moved over empty words, trying again and again until something finally fell out.

“You need to eat.”

Her gaze met yours, hands falling to her sides, but just as quickly as the relief had come, it was replaced by something haunted. She stepped towards you, arms reaching for you, then falling, then reaching again, until she settled on grabbing the sheets next to you, fingers fidgeting in the cotton. She met your eyes, looked away, looked back again, before choosing to stare at the headboard, “How are you feeling?”

You went with a joke, hoping to ease her discomfort, “Like I got stabbed.”

There was no laugh, no smile, not even a twitch at the corners of her mouth. You reached for her hand, rubbing your thumb along the back, but she pulled it away, smoothing out the wrinkles in her dress as she stepped back. “I’ll get you some water.”

“Delia…” You called after her, images racing through your mind of the last time she left you alone, causing your heart to bang in your chest, but she was already out the door, her feet tapping on the stairs, growing quieter with each passing second.

When she finally returned, it felt like an eternity had passed. She handed you the glass without even sparing you a glance, searching the room for a moment before she returned to your side with full hands. The glass between your lips was quickly replaced by a thermometer, a blood pressure cuff slipped up your arm and squeezing as you whined in protest.

“Shh,” She chided you, her voice absent of any of the warmth that used to feel like coming home, “Your blood pressure is still elevated.”

“You need to eat.” You said again, only for her to ignore you, so you settled for questions, anything to make her actually talk to you. “How long was I out for?”

She glanced up at you, looking perplexed for a moment before shaking her head and refocusing on the task at hand. “Four days.” She finally said, her hands reaching for the nightstand and coming back with a vial.

“Is everyone ok?” You asked, watching her draw the liquid from the vial up into a syringe.

“The girls are fine.” She answered, too focused on checking for air bubbles to even spare you a glance. Something was wrong, you felt it in your bones, but she ducked and weaved through every emotion.

“Are you ok?” You asked, reaching for her but coming up short as she stepped back.

She looked at you then, eyes hazy as she shook her head, “I’m fine.”

“You don’t seem fine.” You challenged, only for her to glare at you.

“You need rest.” She said, her eyes leaving yours once more, lifting your blanket and repositioning your leg, “You’re still healing.”

You felt tears burning behind your eyes, the fear still lingering that if you dared to sleep, you wouldn’t wake up. “I want to talk to you.” You said, trying to ignore the way your voice cracked as you grabbed her arm, halting her movements.

Her face fractured then, but only slightly, and you swore you heard her sniffle back tears. You thought you had her, but then she was reaching and prying your fingers off of her, the alcohol wipe drying your skin and burning your nostrils. “You can,” She murmured, shaking her head once more, “After you rest.”

You shook your head as she uncapped the needle, trying to wriggle out of her grasp, but within moments you were frozen in place, the needle pinching your skin and warmth quickly spreading through your veins, making your body go limp and your eyes droop. “But…” You began, fighting to keep your eyes open, your mouth moving. She shushed you, bringing her hands to your face and pressing her lips to your forehead, but you knew it was only to placate you, to give you a sliver of hope that everything was alright.

Over the next few days, you barely saw her, despite being stationed in her bedroom. The girls came and kept you company, but every time you would ask about Cordelia, they would dance around the subject, sharing glances you couldn’t quite understand and making some excuse about paperwork before changing the subject entirely. They did their best to keep your spirits up, but they knew they weren’t who you wanted, and you tried to ignore the pitiful looks they threw in your direction when they thought you couldn’t see them.

The only time you saw her was when she was administering your medication, coming up with every excuse to not be able to stay during the day. She promised you more time in the evening, only to knock you out the moment you dared to ask about anything outside of the weather.

She wasn’t sleeping, you knew this because you lived in her bed and she wasn’t in it. That, and you had spent enough time studying her face over the past week that you noticed the bags under her eyes becoming darker and darker. She had finally changed her clothes, but you didn’t know how, given that she avoided you for a majority of the day. Maybe she was grabbing them after she forced you into unconsciousness, or maybe she stockpiled them in her office. You grew to hate the sunset, the orange haze making your skin crawl at the thought of what was to come. You felt violated from being forced into submission, and as the days dragged on, you couldn’t help but feel the fear that lodged itself in your throat every time she would appear.

A week in, you broke, curled into a ball with tears streaming down your face as you begged, but she just reached for the vial once again, murmuring something about how your body needed rest, always more rest. She reached to stabilize you and you retreated, pulling your legs close to your body and pushing further and further up the bed every time she would bridge the gap, almost knocking yourself to the floor in the process.

Cordelia didn’t understand, brow pinched together as you begged, “Please, just talk to me.” She shook her head imperceptibly, eyes blank as she reached for you again, and you shrieked, launching yourself off the bed and onto the floor, “No!”

Cordelia stared at you in shock, her eyes scanning your face for some semblance of reason, but you weren’t even looking at her, eyes trained on the syringe as your face contorted in fear. She followed your line of sight, then looked back at you, her stoic expression splintering as the realization dawned on her. The syringe clattered to the floor, and you finally tore your eyes away, staring back at her with that same terrified expression as her eyes filled with tears. “I’m sorry.” She choked, shaking her head as she forced herself to look away, her voice dropping to a whisper, “I can’t do this.”

You didn’t say anything as she walked out, couldn’t bring yourself to stop her, and as you sat on the floor and waited for someone to find you, you finally came to terms with your new reality, with the idea that even if you wanted it to, things would never be the same. You didn’t know how long you had been sitting there, but eventually Mallory picked you up from the floor and got you back into bed, foregoing your nightly medication. As the night drew on with no sleep in sight, you found you craved it, at least it was peaceful, unlike the war raging in your mind.

Something changed that day. The oblivion you once fought tooth and nail to stay out of had become your safe haven. By the time Mallory had visited you the next morning, you had demanded it, morning, noon, and night. You didn’t see Cordelia once in the week that followed, although with how much you were sleeping, you wouldn’t have noticed even if she had payed you a visit, although you doubted she did. Your supreme had always prided herself on her communication, but you knew her well enough to know that when it came to the hard things, it was the first to go. You didn’t know what you would say if she did decide to talk to you, didn’t know if there was anything to say.

Once they were sure you could manage to get around on your own, they let you return to your room, forcing you back into reality and removing every coping mechanism you had. You kept to yourself for the first few days, downing Benadryl like it was water and sleeping through most of the day. On the third day, you managed to stumble down for dinner, only for the seat at the head of the table to remain empty the entire time. The girls were all thrilled to see you, talking your ear off about all the things you had missed, but in your haze you could barely pay attention.

From the little you did hear, it seemed your supreme had found a way to solve your dilemma, convincing the man to change his story and drop the charges in exchange for a brand new, much nicer car. A quick and dirty fix that was so unlike her, you had to wonder what state she was in when she gave the green light. You told yourself it didn’t matter, that what was done was done, but when you went back to your room it was all you could think about, staring at the ceiling for as long as you could manage before you were reaching for the Benadryl once again.

You ran out on day four, and with it, so did your patience. You had cried and wallowed and overthought for weeks on end, an endless pit that did nothing but drag you down. You couldn’t live that way anymore, so you left your room, taking up residence in the common area and hoping the chatter would keep you grounded. You talked and laughed with the girls, but no matter how hard you tried, it all felt forced, a failed distraction from the emptiness that took up residence inside your chest. The harder you pushed, the worse it felt, and by the time dinner rolled around, you had reached some fucked-up form of acceptance, resigning to the fact that you probably wouldn’t ever feel whole again.

You saw her then, at the head of the table, talking quietly with some of the younger girls, and you forced yourself to keep your head down, pushing at your food, afraid that if she met your eyes, she would bolt again. It didn’t matter, she didn’t look in your direction once, not even when your youngest student, Lottie, called your name and asked you both to watch an incantation she had just learned, or as she called it, “A magic trick”. Despite the tightness in your chest, you couldn’t help but smile at the innocence there, the way everything was still so new to her and full of wonder. You wished you still had that, like you had when you first came to the academy, before you learned of the consequences.

Cordelia was the first to leave the table, and the tension was palpable. You could feel everyone’s eyes drift to you, only to look away without a word. You grabbed your dish and headed towards the kitchen, depositing your untouched dinner in the trash and your plate in the sink.

“Well look who’s back to the land of the living.” You heard Madison call out from behind you, turning to face her. Madison was never one to beat around the bush, and you waited for the question to cut you like a knife, “Did you and Foxxy break up?”

You ground your teeth, jaw muscles flexing and releasing as you contemplated your answer, only to be hit with a punch to the gut when you realized you didn’t have one. You thought you had accepted it, whatever it was, but your eyes were glassy against your own volition, stomach twisting into knots as you spit out, “I don’t know.”

Madison’s smirk fell, the prideful look in her eyes replaced with something you couldn’t read. She didn’t push like you expected, she just nodded, and that was all you needed for your world to crack open, any strength you had left spilling out and vanishing. You grabbed your shoes and keys, heading for the door as they called out for you, saying you couldn’t leave, you weren’t strong enough yet, you could get hurt, but you didn’t care.

You didn’t care if your stitches ripped and you bled out in the middle of nowhere. You didn’t care if you were hit by oncoming traffic and left to die by the side of the road. You didn’t care if you fell off a cliff and they had to fish your body out of the river. Everything, your entire life, your entire world, was gone. There was nothing left for you, it was taken, and you didn’t care what happened next.

You arrived at the swamp with nothing but a bottle of whiskey. Misty had taken you out there once to gather mud, told you how sometimes it was the only place she could go to clear her head, her sanctuary, and you thought it might help, but as you downed the bottle and laid on her bed, you couldn’t help but feel like you were desecrating sacred land. You didn’t know how people did this, how they just kept going and moved on no matter what horrors they faced. You laid down and stared at the stars and cursed the world for spinning, for time moving, because you hadn’t moved in weeks. No matter what you tried, you were still trapped in that alley, in that bed, and nothing could pull you out of it.

Well, something could, or someone, maybe, if they tried, but even that wasn’t a sure thing. You would be an idiot if you didn’t acknowledge that this was more than just an issue with Cordelia, that even if you did talk, even if you did work it out, it wouldn’t fix everything.

But at least you wouldn’t feel so alone.

When you walked through the doors three days later, she was talking with a student at the foot of the stairs, her head raising involuntarily at the sound and her eyes locking with yours. You looked away quickly, leaving your muddy shoes by the door and depositing your keys on the counter, and by the time you went to head up the stairs to shower, she was gone.

She didn’t come to dinner that night, nor the night after, and despite the girls knowing enough to not ask questions, you could hear the faint whispers when they thought you weren’t paying attention. Lottie, however, wasn’t privy to this social knowledge, and she told you everything. Apparently, the three days you were gone was the most time that anyone had seen the supreme in a month. She was back to her usual self, she even started teaching classes again, but the second you came back, she disappeared once more.

You booked a ticket home that night for the following week, quietly packing your things over the course of the next few days. You didn’t know what the future for you held, but you did know you wouldn’t find any closure here, and you weren’t willing to continue subjecting the girls to whatever this was. It was too much, and you couldn’t take it anymore, you needed to get out.

You did your best to avoid telling the girls, not wanting to cause yet another spectacle for them to gawk at, but they seemed to figure it out anyways, and you weren’t sure how. They asked questions about your return, you did your best to dodge them, and for a few days it worked, until the older girls cornered you two days before you were set to leave.

“When are you coming back?” Zoe asked, trying to be delicate as she rephrased the question for the 50th time.

You sighed, “I told you, I don’t know. This isn’t as big of a deal as you guys are making it out to be. I just have some things to take care of.”

“Cut the shit, bitch.” Madison sneered, rolling her eyes, “We’ve all seen the way you and our dear supreme have been skulking around. Are you coming back or not?”

You didn’t want to tell them the truth, knowing if you did then Cordelia was sure to find out about it. You didn’t know what would hurt worse, knowing you left and didn’t give her a chance to fix it, or her finding out and doing nothing. But these were your friends, and despite wanting to have control over the situation, wanting to have the chance to break your own heart, you couldn’t lie to them. “I don’t know.” You finally said, “I don’t think so.”

Madison stared at Zoe with a raised brow, the two having a seemingly silent conversation over your head, but Zoe simply nodded and smiled at you, “Ok, that’s all we needed to know.”

They helped you pack, spent every meal with you, and even slept in your room, wanting to see you as much as possible before you left. It was a little strange to you, but you didn’t necessarily mind it, especially once you realized that the more time they spent with you, the less time they had to talk to Cordelia. They planned a movie night send off for you, gathering all the girls in the living room and handing out popcorn and snacks. After the first movie, you went to the kitchen to grab a glass of water, Madison calling out for you.

“I left a twelve pack of coke in the greenhouse,” She yelled, “Can you go grab it? We’re almost out and I’m too lazy to get up.”

You rolled your eyes but complied, shaking your head as you wandered out toward the greenhouse, smiling to yourself for the first time in weeks. With the way the day had gone, it had almost made you feel guilty for leaving, almost made you change your mind, but the second you stepped through the greenhouse door, a familiar pair of eyes reminded you exactly why you were going.

When she glanced up at your smiling face you swore you saw a flash of happiness, but it was gone in a moment, replaced with that same look that had been haunting you for weeks, like you were intruding on something, but you still hadn’t figured out what. You felt your cheeks catch fire as you cleared your throat, not wanting to make this any more uncomfortable than it had to be, “Sorry, I just need to grab something, and I’ll be out of your hair.”

Cordelia nodded, eyebrows furrowing as she glanced back down, and you felt your nerves prickle beneath your skin, anger swirling in your gut at her display of confusion, like she was clueless.

Still, you didn’t want to cause a scene, didn’t need the added weight to carry with you, so you bit your tongue, heading towards the opposite side of the greenhouse once you spotted the red cardboard. You walked back towards the door with your head down, trying to leave the situation as quickly as possible, hand on the knob and pulling, only for the door to not budge, smacking your head on the glass. You stepped back, grabbing the knob and tugging again, but the door still wouldn’t move. You stood there awkwardly for a moment, not wanting to ask for help with something as simple as opening a door, but when you heard the blades of grass shuffle and the hushed whispers, you audibly groaned.

Cordelia glanced up, but only momentarily, “Is there something wrong?”

You sighed, “The door won’t open.”

You glanced back right as Cordelia looked up, her tone airy in that slight tell of annoyance, “Just open it.”

You glared back at her, “You try it then.”

She shook her head, “Just unlock it.”

“I can’t.” You huffed, crossing your arms and tapping your foot.

Cordelia sighed, “I meant…”

“I know what you meant.” You shot back, obviously annoyed. You were doing your best to keep it together, to act cordial, but it was difficult when Cordelia was treating you like a first-year student. “I can’t. My powers have been…” You explained, biting down on a sigh, “Temperamental, lately.”

That seemed to peak the supreme’s interest, her head tilting as she took a step towards you, “Temperamental as in you’re going to rip the door off its hinges?”

You huffed, choosing to stare anywhere else that wasn’t her, “Temperamental as in they don’t work.”

You didn’t think much of it when you heard her start to walk closer, knowing she wanted this conversation to be over just as badly as you did and was probably looking for a way to get you out of there. You didn’t expect to feel her cold fingertips graze your stomach, finding the hem of your shirt and tugging up as you whipped your head towards her, instantly batting her hands away. She glared at you, reaching for the hem once again with one hand, “We might not have gotten all the silver out.”

You grabbed her wrist, halting her movements, and glared back, “I seriously doubt that’s the issue.”

She sighed, pulling her wrist from your hand as she stood up straight, and you swear you saw her roll her eyes, walking towards the locked door and focusing. You could hear the lock click, but when Cordelia went to turn the knob, it wouldn’t move. She tried again, jiggling the knob in case it was stuck, but it still wouldn’t budge, so she resorted to yanking, only to hear Madison call out, “We enchanted the locks, bitch!”

Cordelia stood there for a moment, dumbfounded, before you heard her also groan, and you couldn’t help but snicker at her frustration, at realizing what you had already known. She turned briefly towards the sound, before sighing and returning to her workstation and resuming whatever she was doing.

At some point, you started pacing the length of the room, arms crossed as you waited for the girls to give up, knowing they likely were standing outside and listening to the whole thing. You didn’t know how long it went on for, but your patience was growing thin and your steps were becoming firm, stomping back and forth, back and forth.

“What are you doing?” Cordelia finally sighed, glancing up with her jaw pitched forward, another tell of annoyance.

“Contemplating murder.” You sassed, Cordelia shaking her head as she tried to focus.

“Could you stop?” She asked in that same airy tone, “You’re distracting.”

You chuckled darkly, “What are you going to do? Knock me out again?”

She rested her hands on the table, her face unimpressed and her tone painfully even, “You needed the rest.”

Another snide laugh fell from your lips as you turned on your heel, still pacing as you mumbled, “Don’t tell me what I fucking needed.”

“You were seriously injured…” Cordelia sighed, like she was scolding a child.

You whipped back towards her, eyes blazing as you bit, “I needed you.”

“I was there.” Cordelia said, shaking her head for what felt like the millionth time.

“No, you weren’t.” You shot back as the supreme sighed.

“I’m sorry if I offended you or hurt you…” She began, but you couldn’t stand to hear it.

“Don’t give me that bullshit, Cordelia.” You interjected, Cordelia throwing up her hands.

“What do you want me to say?” She asked, like you were being unreasonable.

You stood your ground, digging your heels in as you fired back, “Something that doesn’t sound like you’re reading from a script would be nice.”

“I’m not!” She yelled, throwing her head back as you resumed pacing once again, trying desperately to keep yourself in check so you wouldn’t explode.

She watched you pace, back and forth, back and forth, waiting for what she knew was coming, what she couldn’t avoid. It took you longer than she expected, a million questions pilling up on the tip of your tongue, one after the other until they all started to slide out like an avalanche.

“Are you still pissed off at me? Is that what this is?”

“No, I’m not.”

You turned on your heel, staring at her once again, your tone exasperated and snappy, “Then what the hell is it? Because you can barely stand to look at me.”

“I am looking at you.”

“No, you aren’t.” You shot back, “You haven’t for weeks, you haven���t talked to me…”

Cordelia sighed, asking again, “What do you want me to say?”

“Something.” You spit out, your volume increasing, “Anything!”

You stared at her for a moment, waiting, but she just stared back, mouth gaping like she couldn’t even begin to fathom how you both got into this situation. You turned away again, biting down on a scream of frustration and resisting the urge to bang your head against the wall until you knocked yourself out. You didn’t know if you wanted to burn the place down or burst into tears, but you could feel the pressure building in your chest, and you were terrified of the outcome. The words fell out of your mouth before you had the time to register them, “Is it because I failed?”

You could hear the confusion in her tone, “What?”

You swallowed down the tears that threatened to fall, cursing yourself as you turned to face her, “I failed. You taught me how to deal with witch hunters. We went over it time and time again, and I still couldn’t…”

She couldn’t stand the sight of your watery eyes, training her gaze on the table as she croaked out, “No, god no…”

“Then what is it?” You asked again, whatever fight you had left in you disappearing, “Because I’ve been wracking my brain for weeks now, looking for some kind of reason...”

You watched her crack, just a bit, nose twitching against the ghost of tears as she shook her head and stuttered, “It’s not your fault, none of it is your fault. It’s…”

She stopped and shook her head, bracing herself on the desk as her chest heaved. You gave her a moment, not wanting to screw anything up when you were so close to getting the answers you had been searching so desperately for, but when she didn’t move to continue, you prompted her, “It’s?”

She looked up at you then, really looked at you, with tears in her eyes, moments away from spilling over, and you stepped toward her on instinct. She looked back down, clearing her throat as she tried to right herself, “It’s not your fault, it’s mine.”

You stepped toward her again, not sure you heard her right, “What?”

“It’s my fault you got hurt.” She clarified, and you shook your head, unable to speak, but she silenced you regardless, “I took the car, I made you walk home. I wasn’t thinking clearly, and you had to pay the price.” You shook your head, still unable to find your voice, but then you heard hers, weak and broken, “And I can’t ever express to you how sorry I am for that.”

“You didn’t know…” You squeaked, “You couldn’t know…”

She shook her head, “It doesn’t matter. It’s my job to protect my girls, all my girls, and I failed. I failed to protect you.”

“You- You saved me.” You stuttered, and the supreme shook her head.

“I fixed the damage I caused.” She sneered, but you knew her tone wasn’t directed at you.

“Delia...” You tried, taking another step towards her, but she held out her hand.

“If I can’t prioritize the safety of the girls over my own emotions, I’m no better than my mother.” She spit between gritted teeth, looking away to wipe at a tear once she saw your hurt expression.

You shook your head, “You could never be your mother.”

She shook her head, but didn’t respond, so you stepped forward, closing the gap between you and reaching for her, but she pushed you away, and that’s when it hit you.

She wasn’t trying to hurt you, she wasn’t punishing you, she was punishing herself. All this time you had been flipping your brain inside out, trying to find the meaning behind every look, every blank expression. But she wasn’t looking at you in disgust, she was in pain.

But the way she was looking at you now, you knew that look, had seen it time and time again, when she wanted something but couldn’t bring herself to ask for it, so you did. “Delia? Kiss me? Please?”

The look morphed as her brows pinched together, her eyes going dim as she shook her head. You begged and pleaded, wanting nothing more than for that look to return, for her to touch you and hold you and for everything to be ok again, but she wouldn’t relent. As soon as you started pleading, she stepped back and looked away, unable to bear the sight of you.

Something finally snapped, and everything you had been pushing away for the past month came rushing in like a tidal wave. You felt it buzzing in your chest, creeping up and up and up, spreading out to your limbs and making your entire body burn. You stalked towards the door, tugging on it again and again and again, bracing your feet on the walls and putting your whole body weight behind it. You looked ridiculous, but you didn’t care, you couldn’t care.

At some point, Cordelia must have turned around, watching you struggle for a moment before she finally spoke, “It won’t open.”

“I don’t care.” You seethed, “It needs to.”

You settled for sitting on the ground, bracing yourself against a table and kicking with your feet, “You’re going to hurt yourself.”

“I. Don’t. Care.” You spat, punctuating each word with a kick. When that didn’t seem to work, you settled for throwing your entire body against the door, hoping if you couldn’t break the lock, then you could at least crack the doorframe.

“You are still healing.” Cordelia said, walking towards you and reaching, but you batted her away, “You shouldn’t be doing any strenuous activity for at least another two weeks.”

You finally stopped, your body vibrating as you stared Cordelia down, “I don’t care. I have a plane to catch tomorrow.” Her brow furrowed, and you turned back towards the door, banging on it with your fists, “I have things to do!”

“Where are you going?” Cordelia asked, arms crossing.

You turned back towards her, throwing up your hands, “Home, Cordelia. Where else would I go?”

You watched her face contort, watched the hurt flash across her eyes, and you couldn’t stand it, “Don’t look at me like that.”

Cordelia scoffed, beginning to grow defensive, “Didn’t you want me to look at you?”

“Not like that.” You bit, “You don’t get to look at me like that, like I’m hurting you. Not after what you did.”

“According to you, I didn’t do anything.” She snapped, and you knew she was baiting you now.

“Exactly. You did nothing.” You spit between gritted teeth, whipping around and punching the door as hard as you could.

“You’re bleeding.” Cordelia stated, staring at the smear of blood on the door, then glancing at your busted knuckles.

“Good.” You bit, punching the door again, and a third time for good measure.

“Stop.” She called out sternly, but you were too far gone to listen, hitting, scratching, clawing, and kicking the door repeatedly as you lost it completely, “Stop!”

“I need to get out of here.” You huffed, “I need to go home.”

Your face smacked against the door as you slammed against it with your shoulder, tasting blood as you swallowed down the tears that were forming. Memories ripped through your mind in quick succession, a blow to your face, a kick to your ribs, and then the room constricted in time with your lungs, the walls moving closer, and closer.

You started screaming at some point, you felt it, but you could barely make it out in between the gaps in your heartbeat that was pulsing in your ears. You threw yourself against the door, harder and harder as the tears flowed in lava rivers down your face. Cordelia reached for you, shushing you and grabbing the empty space as you pulled away, screaming about home, how you needed to go home, get on a plane and never come back. How she hurt you and she didn’t care, she never cared, how all of this was a mistake, how you were a mistake.

You felt her hands grab you quickly, spinning you around before you could push her away, and then her lips were on yours and she was kissing you hard, hands pushing and pulling and grabbing anywhere they could reach, leading you away from the door and bumping into anything in your path. She kissed you like she was starving, teeth clashing and biting, nails scratching and pinching and ripping, but you were the same, and now that you had her, you couldn’t let her go. You let every part of her invade your senses, her wet cheeks pressing against your own, her gritty hands and cold rings and the taste of red wine on her tongue.

You didn’t come up for air until she pushed you against the opposite wall, lungs burning and desperate for oxygen, but even as she pulled back, you leaned forward, not wanting to face whatever came next. Your chests heaved into one another as you both stared wide eyed, and in that split second of nothing it all came crashing down. You watched her, watched her watch you, felt her chest push against you and a sob tear out of her throat, and you followed right behind her, closing your eyes as you braced for her to pull away, leaving you cold and empty once again.

Instead, she rested her forehead against yours, whimpering I’m sorry, I’m so sorry and I love you over and over and over again as she pressed her mouth to yours, pushing air into your lungs and sucking it right back out, her hands on your forearms, anchoring you in place. You held onto her hair like a lifeline, your legs giving out from exhaustion and suddenly you both were falling, but she didn’t let go.

You landed on your knees and collapsed into her, her arms wrapping around you as she pulled you to her chest, her lips pressed to your forehead and fingers carding through your hair as she whispered that same mantra, over and over and over again. You didn’t know what she was doing, didn’t know if she knew what she was doing, but with every pull of her fingers it felt like your memories of the past month were being extracted one by one, racing across your vision as the tears gave way to wails of anguish, her own cries increasing in time with yours. You felt it all over again, every ounce of emotion like it was the first time, and you didn’t know how she was doing it, or why.

When it was over, you had nothing left, no tears, no voice, no screams, nothing. You looked up at Cordelia in a daze, but she just smiled sadly back at you. You tried to speak, but your brain was fried, exhaustion quickly taking over your senses. Cordelia looked down at you knowingly, her fingers running down your cheeks as she shushed you, but you shook your head, afraid that if you gave in, you would wake up alone. She shushed you once more, kissing your forehead as she whispered, “I’m not going anywhere, it’s ok.”

[awritersometime]

Y/n: *knocks at the fridge’s door and waits*

Cordelia and Mina share a quizzical look

Y/n: *grins and knocks again*

Cordelia: *already struggles to keep a serious expression and turns to Mina* ask her, love

Mina: ask her what? *frowns*

Cordelia: just ask her why she is knocking at the fridge’s door or we won’t have any dinner tonight…

Y/n: *grins evilly in anticipation*

Mina: *sighs and tiredly rubs the root of her nose* sweetheart, why are you knocking at the fridge’s door?

Y/n: because … *stops dramatically to add suspense while Cordelia is already crying in laughter* there could be a salad dressing

Mina: *struggles to keep a serious expression*

Cordelia: *lying on the floor* HELP.

[urlocalmilfloverr]

Misunderstanding | c.g

Summary ~ "do you still love me?"

Warnings ~ none ^^

Read more on ~ wattpad or Ao3

~~~

Ever since Delia had been blinded she's been distant. I know she wants to be independent but it hurts. She doesn't even kiss or hug me anymore

"Y/n are you okay?" Zoe made you snap out of your trance. You smiled and gave her a nod before sipping your drink

"Are you alright my love" Cordelia had a concerned look on her face but she immediately replaced it with a smile

"Mhm" another sip

"Are you sure N/n?" Madison placed a hand on yours under the table

"I'm fine guys" another sip

If this continues I'm gonna need a drink

"Y/n!" Nan threw a napkin your way

"Hey! Stop it"

"Talk to her"

"Who?" Delia misread the situation and you could tell by the whimper in her voice

"No one" you glared at Nan before excusing yourself and storming to your original bedroom

"Y/n" Delia's voice cracked as she lightly knocked on the door, you could tell she had been crying "Can I come in"

You wiped at your tears before answering with a "go ahead" you felt the bed dip next to you so you faced her

She's healing up quite nicely

As you stared you admired her like she was a goddess

"Do you still love me?"

"What?" that felt like a dagger to the heart "Delia I-"

"Who's the other woman?"

"The other woman?" you looked at her, confusion written all over your face

"Yes the other woman"

You placed your hands on either side of her cheek "Delia I would never cheat on you" tears started flowing from her eyes

"But I heard Nan-"

"She was talking about you" you kissed her cheek "I love you Cordelia Goode" another kiss on her other cheek "and I always will"

"I love you" she carefully took your hands in her "I'm sorry I've been so distant I-" her words were cut off as you kissed her lips "I'm sorry my love" you shushed her by placing a finger on her lips

"I was gonna wait but..." she sat patiently as you fiddled for something in your drawer. In your hand sat a box with a beautiful ring in it

"Y/n what are-" she stopped speaking as soon as you grabbed her hand; placing it on the ring

"Will you Marry me, Miss Goode?"

"Yes," tears of joy took over before she kissed all over your face "I love you so much Y/n"

[abeillefaeabeille]

Take it.

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TW: dom!Alice (not soft), mommy kink, titty washing, teasing, degradation, fingering (r receiving), scissoring, mocking, spitting, vulgarity, choking, hair-pulling... I think that's it? Let me know.

idk how many words 😭

AN: Ummmm hi :) I had written this nearly a year ago, so I decided to revise it and put it on this lovely little app :) I'm currently working on finishing my first request! Let me know how you like it! (also, if you want to be a part of my tag list let me know! There are only 25 of you but, oh well) Please be kind, but if you have any suggestions or requests, don't be scared to speak up!

MINORS DNI PLEASE!! 18+!!! It makes me extremely uncomfortable at the thought of a minor interacting, please don't!!

ENJOY!

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ALICE POV

Oh how I missed my sweet baby. After a terrible day with Phyllis, having to pretend to be against who I really am, who I love, I'm exhausted and ready to be with y/n. Thankfully she allowed us all to go home early, and I almost sped to get to my kitten.

Running through the rain after getting out of the car, I run to our front door, giggling slightly as I get drenched. I burst through the door and see her head pop up from the couch in the living room.

Y/n beams and giggles at how soaked I am. “Alice! You’re home early, is something wrong?”

Oh, my sweet girl... she's always so caring and concerned about me. I smile wide and shake my head, chuckling as I start to strip in our mudroom.

“No sweetness, Phyllis let us leave early, thank goodness. It was getting suffocating.” I pout slightly and slide my unbuttoned blouse off, only in my bra and skirt now.

With a huff I make my way to the laundry room, hearing my baby following close behind like the cute little puppy she is. “I'm so sorry, mommy.. I’m so glad you’re home, I.. I missed you very much.”

Now, I heard what she said, but I couldn’t catch on to the shyness at the end of her sentence, I would’ve realized she meant more than just, missing me..

But unfortunately, I was so focused on getting my clothes in the wash that I didn’t notice. I just nod and grin, closing the lid on the wash before glancing at her. “Aw, mommy missed you too, sweetheart!” I say as I kiss her head, rushing to the bathroom to wash myself off.

Y/N POV

She wasn’t getting it! All day, I’ve been waiting as patiently as I possibly could for her to get home. Last night we were so close to having play time, but mommy was just exhausted, so we stopped to just cuddle and sleep. I didn’t wanna push it, but now I can’t take it. It's been a week since I've been ruined like I need.

Following her closely, my cheeks flush from witnessing her strip from her clingy clothes, and now she’s NAKED. I don’t understand how she’s just so casual.

She’s talking about something, I hadn’t realized until I felt a hand cup my cheek. I snap out of my trance and look up to see Alice’s brows knitted in concern.

“Sweet girl, are you alright?” The pet name and her soft voice is certainly not helping the pool forming in my underwear.

I go to speak and feel how watery my mouth is, immediately making me blush. I open my mouth and then shut it, nodding as I look up at her shyly. Her eyes slightly squint and she looks down at my lips, a light smirk forming on hers.

“Oh baby, you’re drooling.” she mutters, moving her thumb to swipe over my bottom lip. I can’t stop the slight whimper that erupts in my throat, and I watch, my eyes widening as she brings her thumb to her own lips and sucks my drool off.

“Hm, nummy.”

Fuck. I feel my brows knit as I feel the urge to plead. She winks at me and then hums, softly chuckling at my demeanor. She pulls out a washcloth out of one of the cabinets and turns on the shower, stepping in but keeping the curtain open wide. I just stand there in awe as she lathers the washcloth with soap, and then uses it to wash herself.

She looks into my eyes as she washes her breast, her bottom lip hooked in between her teeth, but I don’t pay attention to that, my eyes wander down to her soapy tits.

I blush in shame when a whine slips out of me at the sight of her, the way she tilts her head up slowly, humming out a groan at the feeling of the warm water hitting her smooth skin.

After a moment she looks back at me, chuckling. “Baby, go strip and lay down in bed, I wanna have cuddles when I’m done.” She speaks so innocently, as if she hasn’t been kneading her tits right in front of me.

“But I-” I go to protest, but her eyes narrow and I feel my words get caught in my throat. “Listen to mommy, kitten. Do as I say.” she says in a soft but impossibly intimidating tone.

I immediately nod, glancing at her body one more time before backing out of the bathroom and to the bedroom. I take a deep breath, slightly shaking from what just happened.

I quickly undress, peeling my underwear off and clearly seeing the soaked patch, making me go red. I put my clothes in the laundry basket and crawl onto the bed, huffing softly as I slide under the covers to try and soften the goosebumps forming on my bare body.

I wrap my arms around my pillow and pout to myself, facing away from the bathroom door so I don’t have the urge to run back in and plead for Alice to fuck me.

I eventually zone out, listening to the shower running and Alice’s soft hums as she finishes up. I don’t even realize that it’s stopped, so as soon as I feel a hand on my shoulder I jolt and whip my head around to see Alice giggling. 

“Jumpy little thing, aren’t you? You silly girl.” Her tone makes my face flush and I scrunch my nose, turning to put my face in my pillow as I let out a few shy giggles, feeling butterflies in my tummy. 

I feel a shift in the bed and then suddenly her warm soft body is pressed into mine. Her arms wrap around my middle as she pulls me against her further, my breathing getting heavy at the feeling of her fingers stroking my lower stomach.

At the feeling of her breath hitting the back of my neck my hips wiggle slightly while squeaking out a little whine. At that she lets out a breathy chuckle as she presses her palm flat against my abdomen. 

“Stay still, my desperate little baby.” she whispers in a silky voice, immediately causing a shiver to run through me. I am breathing out my words, trying my best to stay still for her. “M-Mommy, mommy could you please..” I trail off, groaning as I feel the tightness in my chest, my shyness making me lose the words.

“Please what? What do you need mommy to do for you, baby?” she coos into my ear, and my eyes roll slightly as she strokes my earlobe with the tip of her warm tongue. 

I don’t stop myself- I can’t, starting to rock my hips against her front, feeling as if I was going to explode at any moment. I gulp and sputter before finding words.

“Fu-uck me, touch me mommy- please!” I plead out in soft whimpers, where she just responds with a hum and a sudden suck at my pulse point. I choke out a little moan, and as I do so I feel her hand slide down further to cup my mess of a cunt. 

“Oh, my poor baby is so wet, isn’t she?”

With a quick nod in response she suddenly pushes her middle finger slips through my lips and slides through them to collect the messy arousal . My eyelids flutter as I feel my head grow foggy and I moan weakly, my clit throbbing in response to her touch. 

“So responsive for mommy, so sensitive.. You can’t even handle mommy’s touch, can you? You dumb little thing.” Her voice just makes me sink deeper into her as I completely give into her.

She bends her finger and gently swirls the tip of it around my entrance. I groan out a few needy whimpers and nod my head, needing her inside of me. She slowly slips the end of her long finger into my entrance, and my response to that is simply clenching around it.

She helps me roll onto my back and presses herself onto me, looking into my eyes as she pushes her finger in further and starts to pump in and out of me slowly, curling her finger to hit my spongy spot perfectly. 

I scrunch my face and start to let out soft little moans, my eyes growing heavy as she starts to go even faster. “Fu-uck yes mommy, need more I- please!” I look at her with the widest eyes, whimpering as her eyes have grown deeper brown instead of their usually rich honey color. “My cute little baby, you want more? God, you’re such a needy slut.” She uses her free hand to suddenly grab my face, digging her fingers into my jaw while small grunts slip out of her mouth.

Alice seems so soft, she really just looks so innocent, but she’s far from. On the outside, around others, she is never in control. She’s always talked down to, or not listened to. So when she’s home she likes to be the boss, likes to be in control. Which is the best thing for me, what I’ve always needed.

“Your mouth looks dry baby, you need mommy to fix that?” I go to respond but before I can she spits right on my tongue, making me choke out a loud moan and clench roughly around her finger. 

“That was a rhetorical question, stupid whore.” She hisses, pulling her finger out before I can even react.

She brings her hand down on my puffy cunt, making me squeal in surprise. While she laughs deeply and I whine, wiggling my hips when she pulls away from me completely.

She narrows her eyes as she sits up on her knees between my legs, her soft tits bouncing slightly as she sits. 

“If you don’t stop moving, mommy will leave you right here and go sleep in the guest room.” Her soft voice is gone and what replaces it is a voice that sends a straight shock to my core. I gulp and nod rapidly, obediently freezing every muscle in my body. 

Her smile silently praises me and she leans on all fours, her body hovering over mine. She moves her face into my neck, and I immediately tilt my head back to give her room. 

“Hm, such a good girl for mommy, my obedient little kitten.” She whispers against my neck as she leaves wet little kisses all over my neck. Just as I start melting into her touch and relaxing, she bites down hard onto my neck, immediately making me whine and buck my hips up.

Her chuckle makes me freeze again, and she soothes the bite mark she just made with her tongue before clicking it while she lifts her head up. Her face gets close to mine, twisted with fake pity.

“Poor baby, you couldn’t help but move your hips when mommy nibbled on you, huh?” she says in a sickly sweet voice, making my cheeks turn deep red. She smiles with her teeth and before I can blink she’s grabbing my throat. I gasp and arch my neck, looking into her eyes with wide helpless ones. 

“M’sorry, m’sorry mommy pl-please..” I breathe out, gulping against her hand. She giggles at me and then uses her free hand to slowly pull my thigh up.

She sits up straighter while keeping her hand around my neck, positioning her hot center against mine. Her eyes flutter as they stay on mine and I can’t help but groan softly as I hear our arousal mixing together. 

I let out soft whines when she doesn’t start moving, only to hear soft hushes in response. “Shh baby, just be patient. Mommy’s gonna make us feel so so good.” She breathes out, her words making my clit twitch slightly, and my hips ache with the need to move but I wanna be good for her.

Her bottom lip slid in between her teeth, her brows furrowed together and her eyes only narrowed as she started rolling her hips so slowly. I thought I was gonna explode, she knows just what to do to make that happen, too. I almost start to tear up as she tortures me with the leisurely pace, and she sees how my face starts to scrunch up.

“Oh, is my little one gonna cry? Tsk tsk tsk, we can’t have an unhappy fucktoy, can we?” She almost sounds like she’s mocking me, but the caring tone she uses only makes me clench around nothing. 

The chuckle that comes out of her quickly turns into a gasp when my cunt suddenly contracts against her, but before I could even react to her reaction, she suddenly thrusts herself turbulently against my weeping pussy.

I instantly yelp in surprise my own hips bucking in response, which immediately just starts a mess of uncontrollable movements from the both of us. I know Alice can’t take anymore of even her own teasing, and God knows I can’t. So we just frantically hump against each other; grunts, whines, and squelching noises filling the air. 

Her hand squeezes my neck tighter, making it that much harder to breathe, but the light fuzzy feeling from the lack of oxygen only makes me feel more pleasure.

Alice leans down above me, her breath hitting my cheek. “Fuck baby, just like that- yesssss! Keep moving like that sweet girl. Mmm fuck, you’re gonna make mommy- fuck! Gonna make mommy cum all over your pretty pussy.”

 After she grunts that out in my ear I practically squeal out a whine, closing my eyes and focusing the feeling of her slightly bulging clit against my swollen one. 

I make my walls clench, knowing she’ll feel it. I was right, she starts moaning louder and throws her head up the moment I do. My face twists pleadingly, and I start to practically weep for her. “Please cum mommy, pl-please make a mess on me…” With that she lets go of my neck just to reach up and grip my hair with both of her hands.

Within minutes I feel her stomach starting to contract against mine, and then suddenly she tenses hard and groans louder than ever. 

“BABY! Fuck, fuck fuck take my cum- YES TAKE MY FUCKING CUM SLUT!” She bucks her hips harder than ever, and before I can say anything my orgasm hits me. 

I grip onto her shoulders and let out high pitched moans, my thoughts dissipating as I can only focus on our clits pulsating against each other and Alice muttering, “Take my cum.” over and over in my ear.

After riding out our shared highs, Alice hums and burrows her face in my sweaty neck, placing little kisses on my throbbing pulse point.

“Mm, that was s’good mommy,” I mumble, whimpering as I try to clamp my legs shut, but Alice’s are tangled in mine, making it impossible. “Mommy, feel sensitive..” I whisper, wrapping my arms around her neck. She only coos softly, slowly raising her head to look down at me with a small smile. 

“I know baby, let’s try to relax a little more, then we’ll have a nice, hot bubble bath, okay?” I immediately smile at the sound of that and nod slowly, giggling lightly as well. Alice grins wider and moves her hand to tuck some hair behind my ear. As she does so I can’t stop my eyes from fluttering shut, feeling so safe and satisfied in her arms. 

“Oh how I love you, my sweet baby..”

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Taglist: @cthulhus-curse @blxckchxrrybxby

[janstevenswife]

forever thankful to all of my tumblr, Ao3, and wattpad writers who make my fantasies a reality in my imaginary world 💋💋

[stuismybf]

american horror story masterlist

new masterlist

let me know if any links don’t work<3

last updated: 10/10/21

m. langdon

- till eternity passes away

- it’s a nice day for a white wedding

- silly girl

x. plympton

- chamber of reflection

m. montgomery

- if i live to see the seven wonders

- cigarettes after sex part 2

- dark! madison

- i’d give everything for one more night with you

m. day

- picnic with misty

j. patrick march

- dark! james

c. goode

- if i live to see the seven wonders

- dreaming of you

k. spencer

- if i live to see the seven wonders

k. anderson

- crawl back in

[stayevildarling]

Wilhemina Venable x Cordelia Goode x Reader- I miss you, I'm sorry

A/N: I got inspired by listening to the song ,,I miss you, I'm sorry'' by Gracie Abrams and this is the result 🤷‍♀️

word count: 7k

tw: sad, breakup, happy ending

taglist: @lunaticwhittaker, @billiebeanhoward @lanawinters-ily, @kenzbro, @minaslittleone, @httpfiftyshadesofgay @whitelotus00, @ninaahs , @vintagepaulson , @isle-of-earle, @paulsonsratched, @stepintomyworld, @grilledcheeseandguavajelly, @lucyintheskywithxanax, @fanfics4world, @mymiraclewitch, @hazard-to-myself, @awritersometime, @ohrwurm26, @wastdstime

It was simple really, so simple, yet today had tested you in ways you hadn't been tested before. Finally deciding to do something useful with your weekend off, you decided to head to the markets, maybe even strolling through some shops. Despite wanting to mope and bury yourself inside your apartment, not doing much other than staring at the ceiling or maybe doing some reading. A lilac candle, that's all it took, that same shade of lilac bringing you back to everything you know, bringing you back to them.

Them- you aren't sure how you would describe them to someone, maybe the sun and the moon? maybe soft glances shared, eyes locking and a steady but safe hand on your thigh at all times. Maybe yellow and purple? you aren't sure. And despite it having been so long now, you still remember everything, the way their touches felt on your skin, the way their voices sounded, the way their lips would feel on your own. Cordelia and Mina. Supreme to the academy, HR to a very important company. Your former girlfriends.

It's like everywhere you go it brings you back to them, a building looking a little too familiar to the coven, a colour reminding you a little too much of them. And today a simple lilac candle was enough, strolling through the markets, trying to have a good time and do some forgetting, instead you are pulled back into the past. With trembling hands and tear stained eyes, you make your way back to the nearest bus stop, cutting some corners to get there quicker as the last thing you currently want is embarassing yourself in public like this, despite not a lot of people caring either way, too busy with their own lives.

And then just like that, faith decides to have different plans for you, bumping into a stranger and landing on the floor as a result, quickly blinking some tears away as you open your eyes. However, the person in front of you was definitely no stranger. As soon as your eyes land on their legs, exposing the long flowy pants and those all too familiar shoes, you know exactly who is standing in front of you. Cordelia. You find her brown eyes locking with your own, staring at you, both in shock, sadness, concern and at last love. ,,Y/N'' she surprisingly gasps, blinking away the shock. ,,Here let me help'' she tries, holding out her hand to you. For a second you have no desire of taking it, but the temptation for even the smallest chance to feel her soft hand again too strong.

Quickly you compose yourself, clearing your throat and trying very hard to ignore the lump in your throat and the way your eyes were about to betray you. You can't help it, taking in her all to familiar features, the soft blonde slightly curled hair, that sweater you adore with the flowers on. However she looks tired, your Delia often looked tired, especially on the weekends after a busy week in the academy, looking after her girls and all the responsibilities on her shoulders. There was something else about the little bags under her eyes and the absence of that sparkle in her brown orbs. ,,I'm so sorry'' you practically blurt out, her eyebrows knitting in confusion at your statement.

,,For um- bumping into you'' you quickly compose yourself. She nods then, her lip doing that little thinking thing she would always do. There is a painful silence, not an awkward one, painful, neither of you being able to find the right words. ,,So - how have you been sweetheart?'' she asks, her eyes searching yours and that's enough. The simple pet name sending waves of heartache and pain all over you, making your heart physically hurt at the damage she just caused. ,,Fine, how about you?'' you quickly reply, wanting to escape this situation as soon as possible. She pauses then for a moment, thinking back to the last year without you. ,,It's been hard'' she truthfully tells you and it takes you by surprise, thinking she wouldn't be honest in this moment.

,,I'm sorry to hear that'' you quickly announce, glancing towards the bus stop to check the time table and hoping it would show up any moment so you could leave. But there is no bus in sight, the timetable too far away for your eyes to be able to read it. ,,How's.. how's Mina?'' you ask, absentmindedly almost. And that's when it hits Cordelia, that same heartache and pain crashing over her features. The way you said her name with such ease, sending moments through her head, little flashbacks of when you used to call your other girlfriend just that. ,,She-'' Cordelia pauses then, unsure what to say, the last year having been a lot of things but easy. ,,She's fine'' the supreme eventually explains, unsure how to explain a year worth of events to you just like that. You simply nod, that being all the confirmation you needed.

,,Y/N I-'' she begins and by the way her voice shakes you know exactly what she is about to do. ,,Delia please don't'' you try, tilting your head a little as you search her eyes. You don't want her to say those words, as she or rather they had said them before. You don't want to go back to that place of heartbreak. ,,I really need to get going, my bus is about to get here'' you compose yourself, tensing your shoulders a little to make your statement any more believable. ,,Y/N I- We miss you, I'm sorry'' she almost whispers the words and your eyes close then, having to force them close in order not to cry in front of her in the middle of the busy streets.

She notices, of course she does, Cordelia always noticed absolutely everything, and she frowns then, feeling bad but she couldn't stop herself, having not seen you in so long and undeniably missing you. It had been hard on all of them, the witches at the coven- who eventually became your friends and family. Wilhemina- the thought of her little one not being around killing her. And so you stand there, surrounded by the busy streets, cars zooming past you, your bus long having left, the sun slowly setting, tears streaming down your eyes, your breath hitching and chin wobbling. The blonde watches in silence, in pain, feeling terrible to open up those wounds again, a part of her wishing she never said those words.

There had always been something about your connection to Cordelia, the quiet love, the silent one where neither of you needed to have big conversations in order to bring your feelings across. And despite it being a year, there is something so painful about seeing her like this. You had often thought about it, maybe bumping into them again, maybe in the summer both of them strolling around the markets, maybe in December, running the annual errands for Christmas at the coven. And each time those thoughts crossed your mind, you saw them happy, healthy almost glowing as they walked beside each other hand in hand. But seeing her so tired and vulnerable and honest caused all that strength and stubbornness about showing your feelings in front of her to fade.

,,Y/N I'm so sorry'' she tries, reaching out to wipe your tears but she stops herself just in time, knowing she has no right to do that anymore, often ridding you of your tears in the past. ,,It's fine Cordelia'' you finally manage to muster up, angrily wiping your tears and stopping your pathetic cries. You take a step back, putting a distance between you two, wanting to go so badly, knowing you had been right here before.

,,I should really get going now'' you announce, averting her gaze and glancing towards the bus stop, sighing in frustration as you notice the last one had left. Of course Cordelia knew, being the supreme and all and so her eyes draw you back towards her. ,,Can I take you home please?'' she almost whispers, biting her lip to hide her own anxiety, despite her voice betraying her. Instinctively, you take another step back, shaking your head no. ,,I don't want you to be stranded here in the dark'' she argues back, her voice soft despite the circumstances. And then it dawns on you, how long the two of you had actually been standing there, despite not a lot of words being exchanged, how you left for the market in the afternoon and it being incredibly late now. You could easily walk, despite that taking about an hour for sure, possibly even calling an uber despite that being expensive and you not being the richest.

The exhaustion from seeing her again, crashes down on you like a tidal wave, drowning you in fatigue and sleepiness. Fighting back a yawn, you meet her eyes, blinking away the exhaustion. ,,Come on, I'm just parked around here'' she tries again and sometimes you hated her stubbornness but you could never say no to her- not your Delia and so without having much of a say, your legs take over and follow the woman, catching a sense of the all too familiar perfume and scent of honey and vanilla- home. Sensing your exhaustion, she opens the door to her car for you, offering to buckle you in but you quickly refused, that definitely being too much and bringing too many memories and flashbacks back.

And so with no words exchanged, she begins driving aimlessly at first until you tell her the address. Her phone must have automatically connected to her car as the screen lights up and an all too familiar song begins playing softly in the background. ,,Landslide'' by Fleetwood Mac. And even that is enough to send aches towards your heart again. The car ride is silent and part of you can't believe you are back in that place. Back in that same car, the same little air freshener you had purchased for her almost two years ago. It's a Yankee candle one, vanilla as it reminded you of her and a part of you wonders in your tired state, why she had kept it as the smell had long given up, needing replacement.

But then just like by some magical force, fate again gives you the answers to your question as the screen lights up, Wilhemina's number on the screen, her name and the contact photo with you, Cordelia and Wilhemina. You remember that day well, the day after your birthday when Delia bought you a little polaroid camera with some films and how for that entire day you went around the academy, collecting glimpses of your favourite places and people, eventually snapping one of the three of you, despite Wilhemina's protests. And then it dawns on you, she hadn't forgotten about you, she hadn't even moved on to begin with. Her face meets yours, quickly declining the phone call, knowing this would be too much for you, hearing her voice again. She plays it cool, humming along to the song as if nothing happened. As if that call and the evidence of the photo didn't just betray her like that. And confirming her statement when she said things had been hard.

It takes about thirty seconds for the screen to light up again and given that you are still a good ten minutes from your apartment, you simply look at her and mutter ,,You can answer it''. She hesitates at first but knowing Wilhemina's impatience and the fact she had said she would only pop out for about an hour to get some things and it now being late and leaving Wilhemina with the academy and all the witches, she answers. ,,Hi honey'' she speaks softly as if nothing is happening as if their shared ex- you- isn't sitting in her car right now. And for some reason that angers you, realistically what do you expect her to say?

,,Is everything alright?'' her voice finally rings through the speaker. And for some reason that breaks you even more, you had missed Cordelia in every way you could miss a person over the last year but Wilhemina? her safe comforting presence? her sternness and the way she would look out for you? you had missed that equally as much. They said forever back then and you almost bought it, you even miss fighting in your old bedroom, breaking dishes when Mina was disappointed and then it dawns on you- you still love them.

,,Yes I'm fine darling, just taking care of something before heading home'' Delia announces, pulling you away from the heartache and back into the present. And for some reason you just wanna blurt into the speaker, ask Cordelia to take you home- truly your home and not the apartment you had been staying at for the past year as your home was them, the academy with your family. ,,Okay be safe'' her voice rings through the car again before the call disconnects. Neither of you speak, the remainder of the drive deadly silent as all you want to do is collapse on your bed and cry yourself to sleep, unsure whether sleep would even be an option tonight. And at the same time, you never want the drive to end, feeling an odd amount of content being with her again, despite it all.

,,It's just here'' you announce, pointing towards the building and as she stops the car, you sigh before collecting your bag and opening the door. ,,Th- Thank you'' you mutter out before exiting her car, not even looking back anymore before practically running inside, banging your apartment door shut and collapsing onto your bed. Her car remains outside of your building for a while, wanting nothing more than to run after you but she needed to get home, despite home not feeling very much like it without you.

The pain is unbearable as you sob heavily into your pillow, her scent somehow still lingering in the air, her voice and words repeating over and over again in your head. You are still confused and you had been for a year, about what had actually happened and you try very hard to convince yourself that this was better, that you are better without them. But the but's are too loud in your mind right now, reminding you of all the reasons you love them, of all the reasons you should go back to them.

Your relationship with Wilhemina and Cordelia started almost fairytale like, you had known both women from the academy, living there for several years after figuring out something about you had always been a little odd and stumbling over the academy in your mid twenties. You had always known Cordelia as the supreme and headmistress, before eventually Wilhemina joined as the supremes helper and secretary, you believed at first. However, it quickly dawned on you that they shared more than that. And you were almost disappointed then, always thinking you and the blonde had some sort of connection. But quickly you learnt their shared interest towards you, Wilhemina chatting unusual much with you and wanting to learn about things from your life. Cordelia unusually interested in helping you with your witch craft, despite having the hang of it by then.

And then slowly it turned into a little more, their eyes following your every move, their hands often lingering on yours, the pet names, the invitations just to have dinner with them rather than everyone else, the walks in the garden with Cordelia, the evening tea dates by the fireplace with Wilhemina. And so slowly they opened their private and sacred little life to you, welcoming you in it without question, never questioning the age gap, never questioning the fact it's one more person than most people allow in a relationship. The matching piece as if you had always been there. But somewhere along the lines, throughout the months slowly turning into years, something wasn't working. In the end they had changed, Wilhemina often very agitated, always having a sterner and colder side but taking it out on you more, almost becoming a little physical with you as the last argument involved her throwing around some dishes in frustration.

Cordelia had surprisingly changed too, the academy always being a priority to her but in that time, she never left her office, often you and Mina tried to coax her out of it but she wouldn't leave, often just spending the nights in her office, leaving the loneliness with you and Wilhemina and also the arguments. You felt like you invaded their perfect life and after some more arguments and harsh words you decided to leave, not wanting to intrude on them anymore, not wanting to be intimidated by their love they have for each other anymore. You doubted your decision so many times, from being so happy with them, your life perfect and having all you ever wanted, to being continuously sick to your stomach with heartache and misery.

As the pain and memories continue to drown you in it's intensity, the supreme had made her way to the academy, finding a worried Mina, noticing her change of demeanour and how tired her shoulder looked as she finally made it back to their bedroom. ,,Honey?'' the redhead tried and then it equally poured out of the blonde, telling her about the encounter with you, causing you to cry, how much she misses you and how bad she feels for driving you away. Wilhemina watches in pain as Cordelia sobs into her shoulder, the mere mention of you, causing that same pained expression on Wilhemina's face it had for a year. And so in full circle the night comes to an end, taking the three of you back to the only thing you know- your relationship.

As Cordelia awakens the next morning, confusion washes over her features finding the usual occupied spot next to her empty, shuffling a little before she feels a pounding headache, causing her to fall back on her pillow, probably due to the crying the night prior. Meanwhile Wilhemina has been up early, not being able to sleep a wink, the memories of you keeping her awake during the night. And then when the morning sun finally filtered through the bedroom, she had decided to take matters into her own hands. And with now trembling hands, she finds herself outside of your apartment. Despite not being a witch, the redhead had her ways of finding out things, never having been at your new adress before and if Cordelia knew the lengths her girlfriend went through to find you, she would be left crying again, instead of the headache causing her to fall back to sleep.

The knocking slowly brings your consciousness back, away from sleep that eventually came, despite being broken. At first you thought it was a dream but as the knocking continues, you slowly rise from bed, almost stumbling and falling over your own feet, before making it to your door and opening it, your mind still asleep almost. As you suddenly take in the glimpse of her, you feel like dreaming, not having seen her for an entire year. And just like Cordelia, she looked tired, the little bags under her eyes all the evidence and by her posture and grip on her cane, you can tell she was nervous. You don't say anything, simply taking in her features, your mind convinced this was just a dream and some trick your mind was playing on you. But you enjoyed it nevertheless, taking in the outfit plastered in lilac, her brown eyes piercing right through you and her mere presence causing for your heart to ache.

,,Mi-na'' you whisper, not even aware of how long you had been standing there or that your eyes are again pouring with tears. ,,Y/N'' she speaks softly, her hand twitching as all she wants to do is wipe your tears, wipe your pain and take you into her arms. ,,May I speak with you?'' she tries softly and as if you are suddenly awaken, you welcome her inside, very grateful that your place was spotless. As you walk towards your living room, you catch a glimpse of yourself in the little mirror in your hallway, quickly adjusting your hair that was still messy from sleep and angrily wiping your tears. And then as she takes a seat across from you, it suddenly dawns on you this was no dream, the same perfume and sense of lavender lingering in the air. ,,Would you like some water? or tea?'' you ask politely but she is quick to decline with a head shake.

Silence follows and while the redhead internally scolds herself for not thinking this through properly and trying to find the right words for while she is actually there, sitting in your apartment, you are drowned in flashbacks. The painful ones, the last ones with them. It had been some hard weeks, the coven under the careful inspection of the council due to some incidents with some younger witches, Wilhemina in especially bad pains due to her back. They didn't appreciate you at the time, simply acting as if you are another witch at the academy, not realising how much you actually made their lives better. And then one thing led to another and the three of you drifted apart, every day ending up in arguments, fights, the worst one when Wilhemina on an especially bad day lost her temper in a bad way with you, the two of you in the kitchen, you pushing her a little too much about her pains and how maybe she needed to see a doctor. Her really not in the mindset to even think or talk about it and eventually taking her anger out on you and the dishes in the kitchen. And when Cordelia practically ran downstairs, it was too late, tears filled in your vision, that face that they both never forgot. That face when you gave up, all the good memories of meeting them, of belonging with them, replaced with bad ones. And despite their efforts, it all fell down and you slipped their grasp.

,,Cordelia mentioned seeing you yesterday'' she finally speaks as she clears her throat. Bringing you right back into the present, the flashbacks slowly fading from your mind.

And you knew how much how she hated this. How Wilhemina really wasn't one to have these kind of conversations and you can't help but wanting to make it easier for her. ,,Is she okay?'' you question, concern lingering on your features, wondering why Mina showed up so early on your doorstep as you catch a glimpse of the clock on your living room wall.

,,She-'' the redhead hesitates then, averting your gaze and glancing out the window.

,,She- We miss you'' she confesses, her statement taking you by surprise.

,,I miss you too Mina'' you confess, a small but painful smile creeping it's way onto your features.

That was enough for her, the simply nickname causing for her heart to ache, eyes to close as she holds back the pain. ,,I'm sorry'' you whisper, tears swelling up in your eyes again as suddenly a wave of regret washes over you. Regret for leaving, for not trying again, for never going back.

,,Would you come back to the academy with me?'' she suddenly asks, again taking you by surprise. ,,We would like to talk to you'' she carries on, noticing your hesitation at first and wanting to confirm her intentions.

And the redhead is unaware that you would have said yes already, despite unsure what she was implying. After seeing them again, all you want to do is lay in their arms. All you want to do is forget about everything and move on with them but you also know it wasn't that easy. And so in response, you simply stare at her, unable to actually bring any words out as your heart simply aches. Your silence worries the redhead, unsure if she made a mistake coming here, opening the old wounds again. However Wilhemina never let you go like that, she had observed quietly from a distance, keeping in touch with some girls from the academy on how you had been doing, where you had moved and what you had been doing in the past year. Wilhemina was stubborn but the true reason for letting you go was she felt like you deserved better, better than her outbursts, better than either of them too busy or stressed to appreciate you. But after hearing Cordelia's words and seeing your state, she doubts whether that was a good idea and whether maybe just maybe she, they, would be better for you.

And as silence continues, she sits there, unsure whether to just leave you alone, whether to just take you into her arms. Her brown eyes meet yours again as your gaze is focused somewhere on a wall, staring into nothingness. ,,I'm sorry Y/N'' is all she whispers before balancing on her cane and walking towards the door, misreading your silence. And then within seconds the door closes and you let her slip away, not running after her, not begging for her forgiveness, not saying yes and and coming back with her. You simply sit in silence, before darkness consumes you and a mixture of sleep and a breakdown washes over you, drowning you.

By the time you wake up, Wilhemina had long ago made her way back to the academy, of course not mentioning any of this to Cordelia. The redhead had a hard time coping with rejection and she couldn't tell her blonde girlfriend how she had gone to see you, not wanting to get her hopes up. The rest of the day Wilhemina spends in silence, sitting at her desk, staring at the little photo frame of the three of you that you had purchased for her for one of her birthdays and she never took it down, occasionally shoving it into her desk drawer when Cordelia would ask about it a little too many times. And as dawn begins breaking over the city, the sky filled with little stars, you suddenly find yourself outside those very familiar black iron gates and an all too familiar white building.

Somehow you woke from your state and your feet took you straight there, without even changing your clothes, without taking anything with you. You had ran, for hours, aimlessly through the rain, through the city until your heart guided you to where you wanted to be. And so, half drenched and out of breath, you stand in front of the front door, contemplating whether to actually knock, your confidence suddenly knocked from you, similar to the breath knocked from your lungs as you gasp for breaths. What if they are busy? What if they aren't even in? What if they didn't want to see you? However your thoughts are drawn out, when Cordelia noticed a presence by the door, just having finished cleaning the kitchen after dinner and her supreme senses alerting her of a presence.

Without a care in the world, she opens the door, exposing you there, your eyes staring at her as you still struggle to catch your breath, your hair and clothes dripping from the pouring rain. ,,Y/N?'' she almost gasps, expecting anyone but you. She had longed for this so long, for you to finally come back to them, after the countless attempts of her calling, texting you, even trying to find your location through her magic within the past year, eventually giving up, thinking they had driven you away. ,,Are you okay sweetheart?'' she questions, her head tiling to the side a little, as she frowns at your state.

,,May I come in?'' you begin, finally having the ability to breathe properly again. ,,That's if- um- you aren't busy'' you ramble on before your own anxiety betrays you ,,I guess- you know- I can come back another time'' you hastily stumble over your words, heart beating loudly against your chest as you think over your decision of coming here. As if your heart had somehow led you there and only now your brain kicking in and telling you this was a mistake and to run.

,,No- please sweetheart, come on in'' she invites, with a gentle warm smile, making all the worries melt away.

And so you step inside, following her as she leads you through the white hallway, past the kitchen and dining room, reminding you of all the times you had cooked together, all the times you had shared meals together. Past the living room, where you catch a glimpse of the sofa and fireplace, your safe space where the three of you spent many evenings and weekends together, in the comfortable embrace of each other. Eventually, she leads you up the stairs, halting in front of Wilhemina's office before she turns back to you.

,,Did you come here to see us? or did you want to talk to me?'' she tries, still thinking Wilhemina and you hadn't seen each other since the year before and worrying what your reaction would be like seeing each other.

,,Both of you'' you quickly explain, a little confused as to why Wilhemina wouldn't have mentioned seeing you this morning. She nods, before gently knocking on the redheads office door, waiting for a faint reply.

,,Come in'' she announces and you stand awkwardly behind Cordelia as she opens the door.

,,Darling, Y/N is here to see us'' she explains, scanning the redheads features, unsure how Wilhemina would react. But to her surprise, Wilhemina's features soften, almost relief painting her face as she sees the frame of you behind the supreme.

Cordelia steps aside, allowing you to enter and so you enter, standing a little awkwardly in her office as a shiver runs down your spine. As soon as Wilhemina's eyes fall on you, you feel embarassed. Your cheeks coated in red, standing there soaked and still a little out of breath.

,,Please, take a seat sweetheart'' Cordelia invites you, pointing towards one of the chairs, opposite the redhead and you comply, grateful to get a chance to sit after wandering through the city aimlessly for hours.

Cordelia notices your shivering form and without a word, she walks to a corner before reaching for a blanket and handing it to you. Your eyes meet hers and you take it with shaky hands, averting your gaze as you wrap it around yourself. ,,How do you two feel about some tea?'' she asks and Wilhemina simply nods gratefully, you simply agreeing as well as the supreme leaves you both for a minute.

The room fills with silence as every corner of this house feels it's haunted, every piece of furniture, every room reminding you of your time at the academy, reminding you of your time with your former girlfriends and the memories you had made with them. And when Wilhemina clears her throat, you suddenly shiver in your chair, pulled back into the present. ,,I- I'm sorry to just show up like this'' you apologise, finding the courage to meet the redheads gaze on you.

,,Nonsense Y/N, you are always welcome here- this is your home'' she suddenly blurts out, her own confusion written over her features as if some invisible force took over and made her say the words, lingering on her mind.

Her statement both surprises you and shoots a pang of guilt straight towards your heart. Silence follows as you glance around her office, noticing that not a lot had changed, other than some new plants, that you assume Cordelia had gotten for her. And when your eyes linger on her desk, you recognise the picture frame, wondering whether the same picture was still in it or whether she had replaced it with one of just her and Cordelia. Thinking of the blonde, she enters the room with a little tray, pot of tea and three cups placed neatly on it. With a smile she begins pouring the three of you and handing you a warm mug, the steam forming patterns as you wrap your hands around it, soaking in the warmth.

After she takes a seat next to you, you somehow feel obligated to speak, explain what you are doing here but your words leave you as you struggle to explain. Cordelia ever perceptive, notices the way neither you or her girlfriend share that same painful first meeting after the breakup experience and she can't help but wonder when the two of you had met again, before it suddenly dawns on her, how Wilhemina had been gone this morning, mysteriously showing up again some time later and hiding in her office all day, not even showing up for dinner with the girls, despite the supreme's best efforts. And when the realisation hits of how Wilhemina had reached out to see you, after breaking down in her arms the night before, it almost brings tears to her eyes.

Cordelia and Wilhemina's eyes meet as they take in your quiet form, your eyes focused on the cup of tea, the two of them deciding without words who would speak first, knowing this must be hard on you and the redheads eyes practically begging the blonde to do this part. And with a nod, the supreme begins to speak ,,I'm- We are so glad you are here'' she reassures as she meets your gaze, your eyes locking with her brown ones. A small smile creeps its way onto your features, slowly giving you the confidence to speak.

,,I'm honestly not sure what I'm doing here'' you admit with a nervous chuckle before glancing at Wilhemina. ,,But after seeing you both again, I just ended up here somehow'' you admit.

,,I'm sorry for the way things went this morning'' you apologise to Wilhemina and then she meets her girlfriends gaze, silently apologising for not filling her in on the events but she is met with nothing but understanding from the blonde.

,,I shouldn't have come by unannounced like that'' the redhead admits, slowly taking a sip from her cup, before gently placing it on her desk. ,,I'm sorry little one'' she adds quietly.

And that's enough, enough to make you falter, pour your heart out in front of them, as the words pour from your mouth, tears equally pouring down your cheeks.

,,I haven't been able to think about anything else other than you two in this past year, I'm sorry for leaving, I'm sorry for not coming back home and I miss you both so much, I'm sorry'' you apologise over and over again.

Their hearts equally break at your statement, Cordelia having missed her little sunshine so much, Wilhemina having missed her little one equally as much, if not even more over the past year.

,,Everything I know brings me back to us, Everywhere I go it leads me back to you'' you admit, almost guiltily as you try and wipe your tears, despite them keep pouring.

,,Sweetheart'' Cordelia finally speaks ,,We have missed you so much'' she explains, Wilhemina's serious expression confirming the blondes statement, making it all the more believable.

And then her hands find yours as she gently places your cup on the desk, taking both of your hands into her own. ,,I owe you an apology'' she begins, tears already lingering in her brown orbs. ,,I didn't make enough time for you.. both'' she admits, glancing at Wilhemina as well.

,,I should have never let the academy get between us three'' she finishes, tears now flowing down her cheeks and for some reason you feel the urge to wipe them away but something holds you back.

,,I- I should have reached out to you more, tried to get you to come back to us but at the time I thought it was for the best but in these last few months I have missed you so much. This is your home, you belong here'' she explains, squeezing your hands a little tighter to underline the honesty in her statement.

Wilhemina watches in silence, waiting for Cordelia to finish her apology. She takes a deep breath, her hand gripping tighter around her cane before she speaks ,,I'm sorry too little one''. And that's all she can say for the time being, but you know it came from her heart as those words must have already taken a lot. And so in silence, the three of you sit, the only sound to be heard the silence of the academy and occassional shuffling from some witches downstairs. And with their questioning gazes, you know the question lingering on their minds, but somehow a sense of doubt washes over you, filled with some anxiety. Right now, you can't imagine simply going back to how things were and a part of you doubts that could ever happen again, you worry about your dynamics and how it might have changed even between them in the past year.

,,I don't know what you want sweetheart, but we will always be right here for you'' she reassures and with that statement she makes you doubt again, whether to just falter, forget about the past and move on with them.

And then some invisible force takes over again as exhaustion from the past two days suddenly hit you, causing you to go incredibly quiet and with knowing glances the two of them remember quite well what you are like, whenever you are tired. ,,Are you tired sweetie?'' Cordelia tries and you try and snap yourself out of the sleepiness, blinking some of it away, causing their heart to swell up with love as they see you so tired and adorable. ,,Um yeah'' you shily admit, before Cordelia gives you a little smile.

,,Why don't you stay the night?'' she offers but your heart instantly sinks at her offer. ,,Your old room is still free'' she admits and it swells your heart when you hear they kept it for all these years, despite eventually sharing Cordelia's bedroom with them. And in the blink of an eye, the blonde takes you to your old room, leaving you some warm and dry clothes on the bed, before bringing you some water and leaving you to rest. And after changing, you finally collapse on your bed, unable to think much more about the past or current events and sleep knocks you out gently, guiding you towards dreams softly.

After a while, the two of them settle into bed as well, Cordelia glancing at her girlfriend before whispering ,,What do you think?'' her own anxiety betraying her a little bit. ,,I'm just glad our little one is home where she belongs'' the redhead replies, before pressing a kiss to the supremes forehead and sleep equally greeting them.

It's the middle of the night when you finally wake up from sleep, confused at first at the familiar but unfamiliar surroundings at the same time. Slowly memories from the previous night fill your mind and after blinking the sleep away, you sit up in bed, wrapping the blanket a little closer around you as you notice the change of clothes and Cordelia's soft smell lingering on the clothes she had given you. Glancing around your old bedroom, you notice how empty it was, considering you took all of your belongings to their bedroom in the end, however you notice a stack of something on the desk in the corner and your curiosity gets a hold of you. With slow and gentle steps you walk towards it, the little lamp in the corner that Cordelia had kept on for you, providing you with some light. On the desk you find a stack of letters, neatly wrapped in a purple ribbon and you can't help but take a seat and slowly remove the ribbon before opening some letters.

And with the first one your eyes are already lingering with tears, recognising Wilhemina's handwriting.

,,Dear little one,

Today it's Christmas, our first one without you. As you probably know, I'm not big on these things but seeing Cordelia so sad today, made me miss you even more. I hope that wherever you are, you are happier now, celebrating Christmas with people that love and cherish you. Who are grateful for all the little things you do, who love the little things about you. Your adorable smile, how shy you can be at times but realising how big your heart truly is. It pained me, not being able to see your face light up today when everyone unwrapped their presents, missing how truly grateful you are for whatever you are given. It's almost been a year and not a day goes by where I don't miss you, where Cordelia doesn't cry, where I hate myself for driving you away. I miss you little one, I'm sorry.

Mina''

And with each letter, each confession, tears pour from your eyes, eventually turning into sobs, despite trying to contain them. You knew Wilhemina was never big on words but seeing her emotions so raw and honest touches you deeply. And suddenly you feel the urge to run to them, to hug them, to apologise and to love them again. You already loved them of course, you had never stopped but you needed to tell them, needed to forget about everything that happened and simply move on with them. And this time, nothing holds you back as you make your way past the hallway, not caring about the time as you find yourself outside of their bedroom. And again fate decides to help you out, as both of them had woken a while ago, Cordelia laying in silence as thoughts fill her mind, trying to figure out what to do and how to fix this, Wilhemina equally awake, finding it strange to have you so close, yet so far away. And they both heard shuffling, your door opening and slow but hushed steps walking towards their door before stopping.

At first Cordelia had thought, it may be one of the girls simply going to the bathroom but seeing a little shadow from underneath the door, she is quickly up on her feet, ready to investigate. Wilhemina equally behind her as she suddenly felt the urge to check on you. And so as the door opens, it all comes full circle, the light from the hallway exposing your crying form, a look filled with guilt, longing on your features. ,,Little one are you okay?'' Wilhemina questions quietly, standing behind the supreme but you don't say anything, simply lunging forward and taking the blonde into your arms, holding onto her for dear life as if she was going to slip away again at any moment. Wilhemina watches in silence as the two of you basically collapse into each other's arms, crying into each other and healing. But you feel the urge to pull away, standing in front of Wilhemina with tears in your eyes, your gaze meeting hers.

,,Mina I-'' you try but she is quick to shush you ,,Come here'' she ushers and you quickly comply, holding onto the redhead. And as the night continues, the three of you eventually find yourself truly where you belong, in their bed, you sitting in the middle, both of them next to you while you hold onto each other. Slowly admitting everything to each other, apologising and confessing all the mistakes and your love for each other.

,,We love you little one'' Wilhemina confesses as her lips slowly draw towards yours and capture you in a kiss. And as her lips softly land on your own, you taste tears, but not just your own, for one of the rare times, the redhead sharing her emotions, grateful to have you back with them. ,,We won't ever let you slip away again sweetie, I promise'' Cordelia reassures after the two of you pull away, needing oxygen, as she snuggles into your side. And eventually, everything goes back to normal, the three of you laying in each other's arms. And despite the future unknown a little, a lot of conversation still needing to be held, for now you all know that you have missed each other and you are sorry.

[dreamypqulson]

— my only sunshine

summary: you’ve been struggling in silence but it hasn’t gone unnoticed.

pairing: cordelia goode x reader

warnings: depression, anxiety, self-harm (pretty detailed, be careful)

word count: 2700

venting again lol

Your leg shaking up and down was becoming excessive. You could see the girls next to you becoming annoyed, but you hardly realized that you were doing it. Tears pooled in your eyes and it burned so badly to hold them in. Why does Cordelia have to look at me so much? Why can't she just glance over me like everyone else and let me wallow away in the corner?

Everyone knew that you were Cordelia's special girl. You didn't think it had anything to do with your powers, she just liked you. And you liked her. But that was it; you were both too afraid to acknowledge it. What she wasn’t aware of was your history with mental health, which you tried so hard to conceal from her.

You don't think you were doing a very good job hiding it this time. How could you hide the fact that you don't want to live anymore?

Everyone knew you looked terrible lately. Madison had even pointed it out. Your eyes were dark, and hollow, and you just didn't look like yourself. Madison said you were just a freak that was too caught up in your studies to barely allow yourself some time to sleep, but Cordelia knew that wasn't true. Matter of fact, it was the complete opposite.

Cordelia dismissed yet another class that had completely gone through one ear and out the other. Spacing out is the one time that you actually feel safe and you so happen to be the best at it during class.

Everyone rushed out. You were a little slower because you were so exhausted and picking up your books felt like you were ripping open the cuts on your wrist. You thought you could feel like blood dripping down, but it might've just been your anxiety freaking you out.

"Oh, y/n, could you stay for a minute, love," Cordelia asked when you were by the doorway, ever so sweet but you still bit the inside of your mouth until you could taste blood.

You spun slowly on your heels. You loved Cordelia but you didn't want to stay. You were terrified of confrontation and you just wanted to throw yourself into your bed again.

You didn't respond and kept a great distance between you and Cordelia. She was so warm, she was your comfort, and you ached to have her hold you, but you just wanted the darkness right now.

She still walked closer towards you and you almost started to cry from the nerves. You started scratching at your band-aid covered wrists. You don't know why you do that when your nervous, it just feels good in the moment.

She looked down at your arms, then back up at you. Does she know? Did your sleeve rise when you went to reach for something? "Relax, honey. You're not in trouble. I just want to check on you."

"I'm fine," it came out weak.

She raised an eyebrow at you and gave you that look. Anyone could tell that you weren't okay, it was just a matter of who would be there for you when you fall apart.

Your bottom lip started to tremble. A clear indication that you were ready to break down. Cordelia just watched, letting you control yourself before she made you explode completely.

"How about we take a walk outside, around the house, and get some fresh air, yeah?" You nodded and you were suddenly following her out the door. Anything someone says to you hasn't really been processing in your head. You truly just feel like a leaf being blown in every direction.

It was nice out, slightly chilly with a breeze, but it did not seem to snap you from your state of mind. It was quiet for a minute before Cordelia began talking to you again. You knew she was trying to distract you from your thoughts, but it's not really want you want right now.

"So what have you been up to, missy? Are you still writing?" She looked over at you, gently smiling. She loved reading all of your work, but it had been a few weeks since she had. She's been a little bit busy and you've been locking yourself in your room.

"Yeah, a little bit, I guess." It was a complete lie, but your didn't feel like getting into the fact that you could hardly bring yourself to even get out of bed, let alone write.

She wanted to have a full conversation with you, but you weren't having it. She just became silent as you both finished the walk around the building. She always takes you to walk around the city with her, but she had an inkling that you weren't going to want to leave the property.

Cordelia didn't want to let you go yet. She had a bad feeling and she knew something just wasn't right with you. She felt uneasy. But she couldn't hold you back when you told her you had to go study. You would never pass up hanging out with Cordelia to study, and she knew that, but she just let you go.

When you got to your room, it was all messy. Had you had the energy to keep it as tidy as you always did then maybe your anger levels wouldn't have increased when you walked in. You decided to ignore it and step over the pile of clothes and make your way into the bathroom.

There, you dug through your drawer, looking for the blade that you kept hidden in the back. It was the one place that nobody could accidentally stumble upon it.

You sat down on the closed toilet lid and pulled up your left sleeve. Ripping off the bandaids had not even hurt as much as they should, you didn’t even flinch. You began cutting any free skin on your inner arms that you could. You hated that there wasn't that much room anymore due to all the other cuts, but you just couldn't seem to stop.

Sometimes it made you feel crazy but it mostly made you get some release. You knew you should at least try to stop with summer approaching but getting clean is never your top priority in the moment. Not when your arms start aching for more.

You just sit there with a blank face and watch as drops of blood start pooling at the thin lines and then you start dabbing it away with a tissue and apply some pressure.

Your heart absolutely drops when you hear a knock on your bathroom door. You weren’t expecting a visitor at your room, but living in this busy house, you never really get alone time.

"Y/n, it's me darling. Dinners ready." How could you have been so in your head that you lost track of time. You hardly even had an appetite but you knew that Cordelia was already having suspicions about you. You just had to act like everything was alright.

"Okay I'll be right down." Instead of wrapping your arm up, you simply just ran it under water for a moment and then pulled your sleeve down. It definitely stung, but you were starting to enjoy it.

When you walked out of the bathroom, Cordelia was waiting on your bed for you. You were expecting her to already be downstairs with the other girls, but she clearly had other plans.

"You're always neat, sweetie. What's going on with you?" You shrugged again, and soon, you thought, she's going to forget what your voice even sounds like. You began to walk out your room, and you can hear her shuffling behind you before she finally catches up. "Not in the mood to talk today?"

You'd rather Cordelia just hold you and whisper sweet nothings in your ear without expecting an answer. But at the moment, she's completely worried and just wants you to open up. "Not really, Cordelia."

She lets you slide again, but she can't take her eyes off of you all throughout dinner. She's sitting at the head of the table and you're at the first seat next to her. When you reach for your plate, she notices something that she wishes she didn't. She wishes it wasn't even there.

Your sleeve slides up, only slightly, and she can see smeared crimson on your wrist. Her heart sink and she has to swallow down the lump in her throat. After that, she cannot even look at you, or anyone for that matter, for the rest of dinner. She wasn't angry or embarrassed of you. Just so, so upset over the fact that her girl was hurting so badly.

Dinner finishes fairly fast. You notice there's not much chatter, and it must be from Cordelia's lack of interest in any of the conversation. You start worry that you hurt her feelings. She's always catching up with you and the girls - mostly you - during dinner, but today she hadn't even said a word.

"Y/n, meet me in my room please," Cordelia says, and it sounds almost cold compared to her typical soft voice. She walks away and heads towards her bedroom and your heart completely sinks. You fidget with the hem of your shirt and make way towards her room.

The door is ajar and by the time you're there, Cordelia is sitting on her bed in tears. This is it; she's going to kick you out.

"Cordelia?" You say and gather her attention back to you. She quickly wipes away her tears like you weren't supposed to see that, but there's no hiding her red, puffy eyes.

"Sit down please," she hardly looks you in the eyes. It's terrifying.

"I—" you attempt to argue. She has no part in that.

"Just sit down, y/n."

You sit beside her and it's so close that you bunch up your sleeve in your hand. You're consistently terrified of it rising. "Show me your arm."

"What—"

"Show me, y/n. I know what's going on. I know that you are hurting yourself."

You hug your arm closer to your body and can feel the sting like it's mocking you. Tears are instantly sprung to your eyes and it's clear that this situation isn't just a big misunderstanding.

"No! Leave me alone, Cordelia. What is wrong with you? Why would I ever do that." But you do do it and those words hurt so much. You wouldn't ever be so harsh to Cordelia, but you're not in the right mental state right now.

Cordelia's crying again and all you can think about is cutting up your arm for making her feel like that. You need to hurt yourself to pay for the faults you're causing and Cordelia can see right through that.

Her voice is very quiet and desperate as she speaks, "Baby, please. Please let me help you, I can't just pretend that it's not going on. I care about you too much."

This completely causes you to break down. You never had someone truly care about you. This is something that you've been yearning for forever.

You melt into Cordelia's body and she hugs you tightly, as if she let go, all of the pieces of you would just shatter everywhere. You can feel her tears start leaking through onto your shirt and you know she feels it too. "Please, y/n," she whispers, "I love you. Let me in, it's just me, it's only Cordelia."

You finally pull back and wipe away your tears. It doesn't stop another fresh batch of warm tears to roll down your face. You don't want to keep hiding this anymore. You need help. You need someone. You need her.

You take a deep breath and tug up your sleeve. You can't even bare to look at her face. Ashamed, and embarrassed, and scared. But you hear a sharp intake of breath from her. The bleeding from the cuts before dinner only made it look far worse on your fucked up skin.

"Oh, my baby," she sniffles and grabs your arm, gently. Your heart is too heavy. She's trying so hard to be strong for you. "Why," she looks up at you with watery eyes, waiting for an honest answer.

"Everything's just too much, Delia. I don't want to be me anymore. I hate being me, I hate living!" You started sobbing again and the crack in your voice doesn't go unnoticed. This is new and weird and you don't like it. You don't want to talk about yourself anymore. You can see her heart breaking in half from your words.

"My little sunshine...do you know I love you? I love the person that you say you hate so much." You don't have anything to say to that. Cordelia loves you. And you don't know how, but she does. You don't know how this whole could have any room for the broken half of you. “I couldn’t live without seeing your pretty smile and listening to you ramble to me about all the little things you love. So if you hate living so much, then let me love it for the both of us until you learn to.”

It’s silent for a couple moments that pass by until she looks back down at your arm again. It's a bloody mess and you don't want her to look anymore but she's still holding on. "Can I clean it? Can I do that for you?"

You nod and then you're being walked to her bathroom. It's bigger than yours and the entire room smells like her lavender shampoo that you always love taking in when she hugs you. She helps you to sit up on the counter. Your arm feels heavy from all the attention being on it but she so carefully cleans away the blood and it makes you feel a little bit better.

She covers it with bandaids. Not because she is disgusted by it. She's not at all. She just doesn't want anything infecting the fresh ones.

When she’s done, she lifts your arm up to her lips and, so delicately, kisses the covered cuts. A few tears start rolling down your face again. You’re too emotional for this. “Delia…”

“I love you,” she looks back up to you. Her words are so clear and genuine. “Come to me. I don’t care where we are or what time it is. Come to me whenever you feel like this.” You nod, your bottom lip trembling. She reaches her hand up and brushes her thumb over your lips. “It’s not going to be easy but i’m going to help you. We can make a plan and safe alternatives, anything that’ll help.”

She leans in and kisses your forehead, slow and light and your heart beats a little bit faster. “I love you too, Cordelia,” you croak out and she gives you that little smile.

“Come on, my little sunshine, let’s get some rest, hm?” She grabs your hand and brings you to her own bed. You’ve never slept with Cordelia before but it all feels natural. You lay your head on her chest and her arms wrap around your body. For once, you feel a sliver of happiness that you’ve been deprived of for so long.

The room is silent besides her soft breaths and the sound of cars rushing by. You finally break that silence after a few minutes.

“Delia?”

“Hm?” She peaks down a you and a small smile is present on her face again.

“Why do you always call me your little sunshine?” You say it with a slight giggle in your voice. You love all the nicknames she has for you, but this one stands out and makes your heart warm.

“Because, sweetie, I was in a very similar situation as you. But then you came into my life and suddenly there was light again.”

You looked up at her and bite your lip. You could’ve never imagined a woman like her feeling as terrible as you do. She’s too…perfect. But maybe, suddenly, you won’t feel so ashamed of your emotions anymore. You lean forward and place your sweet lips on hers. Just for a moment, for the first time in your life, you see a bit of sunlight shine through the cracks of your eyelids.

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[oh-mydarling]

𝐖𝐨𝐞 𝐢𝐬 𝐓𝐡𝐫𝐞𝐞

✿°•∘ɷ∘•°✿ ... ✿°•∘ɷ∘•°✿ ... ✿°•∘ɷ∘•°✿

word count: 2.2K

warnings: talk of medication, light angst

The ticking of the clock was really the only thing you could focus on in the room, the only sound that broke through the fog of your nausea and rattled inside your skull, making your head pound ever so slightly. 

Cordelia was at the front of the room, teaching her students and keeping a very keen eye on you; something was different. You were usually a perfect student, especially when you hung on her every word. Today, though, you seemed preoccupied. 

When the class finished the only thing that notified you was the shuffling of your fellow students as they gathered their things and moved out of the room. Cordelia was stuck in place, preparing to teach another class straight after, so when you failed to hear her calling after you she sighed, vowing to catch up with you later in the day. 

The next time you saw the supreme was at lunch, when you sat by her side avoiding eye contact, giving her the explanation that you were just tired and couldn’t wait to have a nice bath and go to bed tonight; that had led her off the scent for now. 

When dusk fell, you were out in the greenhouse tending to your personal collection of plants. Although it was typically Cordelia’s domain, you had your own little corner to nourish while she pottered around in there. It had started as just an excuse to keep her company, but you found that the greenhouse brought you immense peace, especially when you weren’t feeling yourself. 

Cordelia was in the kitchen, brewing herself a cup of tea to take back up to her office while she finished off some paper work for the day, when the door opened and the familiar sound of heels clicking down the hardwood floor echoed closer and closer to her. 

Billie rounded the corner, huffing with the weight of the day, although her chest felt lighter when her eyes fell upon her wife waiting at the counter with shy eyes and a soft smile. “Hello, darling,” the medium greeted her, coming over to press a soft kiss to her lips and stroke her back, “how was your day?”

“Oh, the usual, broke up a fight, had to undo a spell,” 

Billie chuckled, that kind of deep laugh that bloomed in your chest and spread like fire. 

“Sounds eventful!” She retorted.

Cordelia hummed, stirring her tea while Billie kicked off her heels and padded over to the fridge to retrieve some red wine to dilute her stressed. 

“Something’s up with y/n” Cordelia spoke into the silence, causing Billie to turn around, furrowing her brow, “how so?” 

“She was distracted in class, barely stayed awake, didn’t eat a lot at lunch,” the supreme continued, listening her causes for concern. 

Billie sighed, walking back over to her wife so they stood side by side, “I’m sure there’s a reasonable explanation, Delia, she’s probably tired.” 

“That’s what she said,” Cordelia explained, clearly not convinced. 

“Well there you go, darling, don’t worry,” Billie spoke softly, brushing Delia’s hair over the back of her shoulder before taking a long sip of her wine. 

The two blondes sat down at the kitchen table to share a quiet moment before dinner, exchanging kisses and sipping their drinks while they caught up on their separate days. It wasn’t long before you had wandered in, not really enjoying the greenhouse when it got dark. 

You entered into the kitchen and Billie grinned warmly, “hello baby girl, come here,” she gestured her hands, beckoning you to sit on her lap. You did so without word, nuzzling into her neck and closing your eyes. This little catch up was somewhat a routine between the three of you and you never felt more at ease than when the three of you were back together, even when you were struggling internally. 

Delia reached over to rub your knee, “you doing okay, love?” To which you replied with a soft nod and smile, yawning to back up your story; you were just tired, that’s all. 

—————-

It was a few days later, a rainy summer Sunday, and you and Billie were curled up in the library. You were reading a novel, of course, and Billie was reading over a script for an upcoming episode of her TV show, highlighter in hand and the cap between her teeth, her brows furrowed in concentration. 

The soft rainfall enveloped you in the room, providing a sense of warmth despite the storm developing outside. 

A storm was also brewing within the coven, the rainfall of the outside world being mirrored by Cordelia’s slippers hammering down the stairs as she flew into the library, brow furrowed in anger as she stared at you with a hostility that you hadn’t ever seen directed at you before. 

You sat upright, unnerved by the nervous magic that bounced around the room, making your hairs stand on end. Billie had also put down her script, asking Cordelia what on earth was going on, but she couldn’t break through the tunnel that you and the supreme were trapped in, a silent confrontation that had you trembling with unease. 

“I was just cleaning the bathroom” she said with a cool tone, anger replaced with disgust, or as far as you could perceive. 

“What the hell is this?” She threw the box into your lap, with an anger that dissipated into betrayal, eyes welling with tears when she saw you close your eyes and sigh; she was right, they were yours. 

Billie sat next to you, still confused, “Can someone fill me in please?” 

No, you couldn’t. The words could not leave your mouth and you were hoping that Cordelia would do that for you. 

“Do you need time to get your story straight?” Cordelia asked, dripping with venomous sarcasm. 

When you stared at her blankly she scoffed, turning directly to the medium. 

“They’re fucking antidepressants, Billie Dean. And they’re hers.” 

The supreme turned on her heels and stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind her. You could hear her steps echo upward and across the hallway into her office, a second slam to signal her enclosure into her own space; she clearly needed it right now. 

You and Billie were left behind in the room, equally dumbfounded. Billie looked at you hopelessly, waiting for a response, an explanation, anything, but you couldn’t bring yourself to articulate the words. 

When you met her sad eyes you couldn’t help but crumble, tears flowing freely as you sobbed silently, frozen in place. She pulled you into her chest and your fist wrapped around the silk of her blouse while her manicured hand came to your back, rubbing soothing circles and whispering softly to you. 

“It’s okay, baby, I’m not mad, I’ve got you.” She rocked you slightly, soothing you enough to dull the ache caused by Cordelia’s abrupt departure. 

The thick silence of your secret and its consequences fell upon you, forming a pit in your stomach; this moment would extend into the next days, weeks, months of your life, and you found yourself sick with dread at how you would face it. 

Billie held you as the sobbing slowed to a steady stream of tears, draining you from the inside out, until you had fallen asleep curled up on her lap, tears still leaking from your tired body. Billie was fighting her own tears, mind roaring with the thought of you suffering so silently, not feeling like you could lean on them, god it broke her. 

In her office, Cordelia sat at her desk, head in her hands. She had memorised the name on the foil packet and had done her research; its reason for prescription, side effects, dosage; you name it. Now, the reality lay on her shoulders like a weighted blanket.

That reality was poisoned with guilt; you were clearly hurting, and she had flown off the handle. Thank god for Billie Dean. She always handled her emotions better. Cordelia felt things so deeply. 

The medium had contemplated going to find the supreme so they could talk things through while you slept, but the thought of you waking up alone deterred her completely. For that reason, she was relieved when a coy Delia poked her head around the door, tiptoeing over once she saw you asleep. 

“Hi,” she whispered, giving Billie a gentle smile. 

The medium smiled in response, looking back down to you as she stroked the top of your head, a subconscious check that you were okay. 

Cordelia sat down on the floor in front of you both, bringing her knees up to her chest, “I’m sorry,” 

“I know, darling, but it’s not me who needs those words.” 

Delia nodded; she did know, but part of her was relieved that you were asleep and she didn’t have to say them just yet. 

She felt awful for how she had reacted, the self-loathing growing on her ribs like moss, but there was also a red tint of anger. You had hidden this from them, and she couldn’t help but feel so hurt. 

“I told you something was up with her,” she sighed, looking pointedly at Billie. 

“I know, you were right, but that’s not important any more, Delia. What’s important is the three of us dealing with this together.” Delia nodded, shifting nervously when she saw you start to stir. 

Both women went quiet, waiting for you to wake up with bated breath. When you did open your eyes, you were met with the supreme staring at you worriedly, and tears immediately sprung from your tired eyes, causing her to hush you, scooting forward on the floor so she could stroke your hair. 

“I’m so sorry, honey. That was out of order,” she whispered. She thought it might have been hard to apologise, but the moment she met your eyes she wanted nothing more than to resolve things and hold you close. 

“I’m sorry I hid it,” you mumbled, sitting up slowly against Billie’s chest. She pressed a kiss to the crown of your head, staying quiet for a moment so you could speak with your other girlfriend. 

“ I understand, honey. I get why you did it. But can we make a promise to be honest with each other from now on, hm?” She prompted gently, stroking her hand over the apple of your cheek. 

“Yeah, I promise,” you mumbled, lunging forward to pull her into a hug, crying softly into her shoulder. 

The two women shared a look of comfort, smiling softly as you sought comfort in your supreme. 

Delia moved to stand up, prompting you to sit back against Billie’s chest so she could come and sit next to you. 

The supreme rested a hand on your leg while Billie wrapped her arms around you, keeping you secure against her while she pressed kisses to the side of your head. 

“Darling, we don’t have to talk about it just yet, but can I know how long you’ve been taking them?” Cordelia asked, giving you a reassuring smile. 

“A week or so,” you mumbled, “the side effects are still bad.” 

Cordelia nodded knowingly, it now becoming clear that the side effects were what had caused you to be so offish in the last few days. 

“What are the side effects, honey?” Billie asked, squeezing you tighter. You listed them one by one, your girlfriends growing sadder with each one. 

“I’m proud of you for getting help that you needed, but please don’t ever hide this from us again.” Cordelia scolded gently, making sure you knew they wanted nothing but to be there for you. 

You nodded in agreement, feeling guilty at the whole ordeal, and you hoped that now the conversation would be dropped. 

Not so fast, though. “How can we help you angel?” You shrugged, honestly not really sure;  you couldn’t even figure out how to help yourself, let alone what you needed from them. 

“Please don’t get mad at me anymore.”

You were angry with yourself for needing this in the first place, and the thought of your girlfriends being mad at you too made your stomach churn. 

Cordelia smiled apologetically, “never ever, honey. I’m so sorry.” 

“Why don’t we drop this for now and go and have a nap? I know I could do with it!” Billie suggested from behind you, and you agreed, being pulled up to your feet by Cordelia who led you upstairs, Billie in tow. 

In the bedroom, you stripped down, choosing pyjamas from Billie’s drawer over your own. The other two stripped down to their underwear, already throwing back the covers as you headed back towards the bed. 

“Come here, baby girl,” Billie coaxed, pulling you to lay your head on her chest as you curled into her side, Cordelia behind you holding you in place between them. 

“Let’s shelve this until tomorrow, hm?” The medium suggested, with Cordelia humming in agreement. 

There was still an unspoken tension that crackled in the air above you, but with each breath you took nuzzled between them, the tension slowly unraveled; things were uncertain, but what you knew for sure was their commitment to you and your relationship. Everything would be okay as long as they were by your side. 

[lanawinters-ily]

The Arms of The Angels

The stressors of life take over, and you try to cope alone. But, your girlfriends aren't having any of that. How do they make you feel better?

Pairing: Billie Dean Howard x Cordelia Goode x Reader

Word Count: 2000

Warnings: mentions of struggling with mental health

Happy Birthday my sweet @oh-mydarling I love you <3

“I’m worried about her.”

Billie Dean Howard put down her phone (from which she was reading about the latest Kardashian drama) and turned to her girlfriend who had just entered their room.

“Worried about whom, darling?”

Cordelia Goode sighed deeply and flopped onto the bed beside Billie. She began to massage her temples with firm fingers, a tell that she was stressed.

“Our girlfriend, Billie Dean.”

Billie raised a perfectly shaped eyebrow at Delia, knowing how much the woman fretted over little things. Most of the time Cordelia could be found stressing out work, her girls, or even news events that had absolutely nothing to do with her.

Once, you had to talk her down from a breakdown over bad weather where Madison and Zoe were holidaying, because she wanted them to have a good time. Every minor inconvenience seemed to send the Supreme into a state, and had so ever since she was a child.

Though this time, she was quite valid in her concern.

“What is it sweetpea?” Billie Dean said gently, taking Delia’s hands away from her temples and holding them in her own.

“She’s not well, and I’m worried she’s going to spiral again.” Cordelia sighed.

“Why baby?”

“She’s going that avoidance thing again, you know, the one she does when she’s starting to struggle.”

Indeed, Billie Dean did know.

Whenever your mental health started to decline, you would separate yourself from the people in your life who you care about. Your excuse would be that you ‘didn’t want to burden them’ but really, it was so you could suffer more in b your own company.

Billie and Delia had dealt with this once before, when you had been only working at the Coven (as Cordelia’s assistant, of course) for 2 months.

Both women had taken interest in you and you had begun joining them for lunch every day. Until one day you ended this tradition, went quiet, and then eventually stopped coming to work altogether.

If it wasn’t for Delia’s concern and Billie’s intrigue (and slight annoyance), they never would have seen you again.

To be honest, you weren’t sure how you would have made it out of that never-ending spiral.

This was why Cordelia was so anxious, because it is almost impossible to tell when you are struggling until you are too far gone.

“Alright love.” Billie said, pulling Delia into her and stroking her back. “Let’s talk to her tonight, together.”

Cordelia nodded and tucked her head into the crook of Billie’s neck, breathing in her calming scent of vanilla and freesias.

She felt so grateful to have two girlfriends who listened and validated her worries.

That was what was so beautiful about the love the three of you shared. It was all equal - respect, support and adoration.

Now, it was their time to lift you up.

------

Time seemed to hold no meaning to you anymore. The hours, days, weeks all merged into one continuous blur.

The stress had taken a physical hold on you, butterflies stampeding within your stomach and a permanent thrumming settling over your head.

You couldn’t even remember the last time you relaxed your shoulders, or took a deep breath.

It was all because of a job interview. Not just any old job, your dream job, the sort of career you dreamed about since childhood. The idea of the interview looming on the horizon, determining all your future, was too much pressure for you to handle.

You knew that avoidance as a coping mechanism was unhealthy and unnecessary, but it was comforting. If no one found out that you failed, it wouldn’t exist. You could go on with your life and pretend that nothing had ever happened.

Except you hadn’t failed, yet.

The interview was tomorrow, and you were running on no sleep or much food. But most of all, you missed your girlfriends.

“Sweetpea?”

The voice, however gentle and soft, made you jump. You were so caught up in your mind and your isolation that you hadn’t expected anyone there.

“I’m so sorry sweet girl, I didn’t mean to scare you.” Cordelia apologised, taking a step towards you carefully.

You had taken over a tiny room in the east wing of Robichaux, turning it into a makeshift office so you could cram for this interview.

For the last week, you had basically not left the room except for late at night. Even when it was time for bed you couldn’t switch off, laying in between your sleeping partners with eyes wide, thinking of the worst.

“It’s okay Delia.” You spoke roughly.

Cordelia took a deep breath and slightly clenched her fists.

Oh no, an intervention.

“Sweetpea. My love.” Delia said softly. “We’re so worried about you.”

And that was all it took. One show of care, of love, and you burst into tears.

It was as if the weight had been released from your chest, the pressure of having to hold up the stress on your own.

“My baby love.” Cordelia shushed rushing over and grasping your cheeks with careful hands.

Without words, she ran her fingers over your tears. The Supreme didn’t have healing powers, but the care that she brushed your cheeks with felt more soothing than any spell.

The love in her eyes could cure all the ailments in the world.

“Come with me, sweetpea. We’ll take care of you.”

Despite your anxiety, you complied. You would follow her anywhere she asked, and do whatever she wanted.

Walking up the stairs tucked under Cordelia’s arm like a wounded child felt humbling, yet relieving. You hadn’t actually realised how bad things had gotten so quickly.

Suddenly you felt exhausted beyond belief, and every muscle in your body groaned.

Your legs buckled beneath you, but luckily you had reached the top of the stairs. With no energy left to walk even a step, you fell into Billie Dean Howard’s arms.

She led you to your bed, and the three of you sat, intertwined.

“What’s going on, baby?” Billie whispered, hands combing through your hair.

Instead of answering, you took a shuddering breath. You were so overwhelmed, yet still held on to that tiny semblance of control that was left.

“You can talk to us sweet girl. Take a deep breath, you’re safe.”

Summoning all the will you had left, you took an inhale through your nose, and let out a shaky breath through your mouth. Instantly, you felt a little tension release.

After a few deep breaths, you turned to your girls and sighed.

“I’m sorry for doing the avoidance thing again. I know I promised to come to you when things are too much, but I’m still learning.” You sniffed.

Cordelia kissed your temple, and Billie smiled sadly, nodding to encourage you to continue.

“I’ve got an interview tomorrow, and it means the world to me. I’m terrified that I won’t get the job and I’m scared I’m failing you and I’m a burden and-“

“Sh honey, sh. Keep breathing.” Billie guided your head into her chest to feel her heartbeat.

“Listen to me sweetpea. Never ever will you be a burden to us, or fail us, or disappoint us in any way. You’re our little angel, and everything you do is a blessing to us.” Cordelia gently spoke.

“You’ve got this babygirl.” Billie said with conviction. “But even if you don’t get the job, there’s other ways of doing what you love.”

“And we will be here, by your side, whatever you do.” Cordelia finished.

Unconditional love was not something you were used to, and it choked you up every time that your partners showed you support.

“I love you both so much.”

“You’re safe sweetheart. We love you.”

This was repeated until you fell asleep, tucked in between the women that you adored the most. Soothed with loving kisses and a newfound hope in your heart, you slept better than you had in a while.

Everything was possible here. Everything was possible in the arms of your guardian angels.

------

Never in your life had you had such a positive interview.

You went in feeling empowered, not just because of your preparation, but also from words of encouragement that your girlfriends provided as they dropped you off.

Knowing that they were both waiting outside, there for you whatever the outcome, was a game-changer. With the tension and the pressure fully released, you were able to enjoy the interview and to talk about what you were passionate about.

Even though the interviewers weren’t planning on doing so, they offered you the job on the spot.

So, practically skipping out of the building, you decided that this was the happiest you had ever felt.

Two beautiful girlfriends and a new job. Could things get any better?

(Yes, they could! But more on that later)

“Baby! How was it?”

“How are you feeling love?”

Both your girlfriends spoke in unison as you entered the car, anxious to hear how you had done.

You fake-pouted, making a sad face.

“Honey, I’m so sorry you-“ Delia started.

Billie Dean bursted into laughter at how gullible Cordelia could be.

“Sweetheart, she’s clearly joking! So, does this mean it went well?”

“Better than well! They offered me the job!” You beamed.

Your girls screamed and practically tackled you into the backseat, squashing you with hugs and smothering you with kisses.

“Woah woah woah,” you said cheekily. “Save that for later ladies, we’re in a busy car park!”

“Idiot!” Billie Dean exclaimed, slapping you fondly on the shoulder.

“We’re so proud of you sweet girl.” Delia spoke, giving you a gentle kiss.

“And we’ve got a surprise for you, waiting at home.”

------

One of the surprises turned out to be a long, luxurious bubble bath with both of your girlfriends.

Your tub was practically the size of a jacuzzi, so there was plenty of room for the three of you. Big soapy suds filled the room, as well as the comforting smell of Billie Dean’s vanilla body wash, and Cordelia’s lavender diffuser.

It smelt like home.

You laid back on Billie Dean, whilst Cordelia sat with your legs in her lap, lightly massaging the skin.

Billie placed kisses from your hairline, down to the bottom of your neck, whispering affirmations of love and adoration as she went.

When you all got out, you all dressed in pyjamas, and settled to watch your favourite movie, with your favourite dinner and snacks, of course.

“We’re going to take you on a picnic in that tulip field tomorrow, sweetpea.” Delia spoke.

“I’ve already got your favourite books packed, my darling!” said Billie.

“Thank you my angels. Today has been perfect.” You sighed happily.

“Not so fast sweet girl. We have one last surprise for you.”

“Yes love, close those pretty eyes for a second.”

You complied, wondering what they could possibly be scheming about now.

“Okay!”

“3”

“2”

“1”

“Open!”

You opened your eyes as something warm and squirming was placed into your lap.

Squinting at the light, you peered closer.

It couldn’t be?

A little black kitten!

“Oh my Myrtle!” You shouted, exited beyond belief.

“It’s a girl!” Billie smiled.

“She’s so beautiful.” You choked out tearfully.

This furry baby was the perfect completion to your little family.

“We knew you wanted a cat for a while sweetpea, and we found this tiny girl in the greenhouse last week with a poorly foot. Misty has fixed her up, and she’s all yours!” Delia spoke.

“What are you going to name her, baby?” Billie Dean questioned

“Hm…I know!” You said.

“I’m going to call her Bean.”

And so, Bean Stevie Howard-Goode (Misty insisted on picking the kitten’s middle name, of course) became the newest member of the coven.

Not a day went by when you didn’t lean on your girls again. Times could be rough at points, but you all got through it together, as a unit.

As a family. Forevermore.