#satire

[donald-trump-official]

I don’t care if I already have this buried in my drafts for when his ass is actually hauled off jail

IT’S FINALLY THAT TIME

TODAY IS THE DAY

Indictment crab rave

Indictment crab rave

INDICTMENT CRAB RAVE

[cannibalchicken]

[contemplatingoutlander]

This is one of Alexandra Petri’s best columns. It is satire in its most heartbreaking form. The column is so good, I am using a gift link, so anyone can read the entire column, even if they don’t subscribe to The Washington Post. Below are some excerpts from this column:

I can think of nothing worse than children — in school, sitting at their desks, reading banned books. A horrible thought, all those children solemnly holding books in their hands and reading them and putting the thoughts in those books into their minds. Learning the wrong lessons and growing up — the wrong way. Growing all the way up. Getting to grow up and think thoughts about those improper things they read in unsanctioned books, their whole lives, maybe. Horrible. I can think of nothing worse. Children who get to be 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12 and beyond — children who get to grow and have children of their own, and call their mothers or forget to call them, children who get to see the places they always wanted to see and children who get to be the best aunts in the world, but one afternoon in 2023 they read a book I didn’t approve of. I can’t imagine anything more horrible. Something must be done. To protect the children, we must stop at nothing. [...] I can’t think of anything worse than children reading history and feeling bad. Imagine, children, going home alive to their parents and complaining that they were made to feel bad by reading about the horrible events of the past. Can you think of a worse thing? Imagine that happening to a child. Imagine being a parent, and seeing the door open, and your child come through it, unharmed, with a complaint about a textbook. Unthinkable. Awful. Frightening. We must pass legislation.

I can’t think of anything worse than children going to a library to hear a drag queen read a story. Children sitting there alive in a library, hearing a story, surrounded by books and glitter, laughing. Children having a pleasant time, feeling as though there was nothing to be afraid of and going home happy. Can you think of anything worse? No, no. We must stop this at once. There must be laws. We must take action. We must protect the children from this awful fate.

Can you think of something worse? Are you thinking of something worse? Don’t worry: I will not think of it. I will not legislate about it. I will not give it a moment’s concern. To protect the children, I will stop at nothing. At absolutely nothing.

[liberalsarecool]

School shooting? Students massacred?

No, an Afroman video.

[saywhat-politics]

[mudwerks]

(via Michelangelo's DAVID Painting by Don Martin)

One of the MAD so-called "free" trips was to Italy and Don Martin created this humorous look at Michelangelo's David as a gift for Bill Gaines, the boss man who arranged these trips.

here ya go florida

[raichoom]

[shamebats]

Things To Never Say To Someone Who Just Came Out by the Onion.

[soradsauce]

[writernotwaiting]

Fearing such hits as “Poisoning Pigeons in the Park,” “National Brotherhood Week,” “The Masochism Tango,” “The Element Song,” “Be Prepared,” and “Lobachevsky”

[donald-trump-official]

New bio just dropped

[cannibalchicken]

[starlightomatic]

Wow, thank you JewWhoHasItAll for posting this helpful guide! Now I can support my Christian students much better :)

Facebook post

Twitter thread

[rainbowroadonsteroids]

givin u all a kiss

[saywhat-politics]

Trump Announces Candidacy for President of Branch Davidians

[probablyasocialecologist]

“I understand that this heinous atrocity beyond the comprehension of anyone with a shred of basic human decency might be upsetting to some, but we are asking everyone to please maintain their composure,” said police chief Cerelyn Davis, explaining that while it was regrettable that officers were mercilessly slaughtering innocents in the streets with complete disregard for their humanity, it was no excuse for causing a big commotion. “This barbaric instance of malice and savagery need not inspire uproar. I pray that cooler heads prevail during this time of unending death and misery being inflicted upon the powerless masses.” Davis went on to insist that any sign of unrest would only give the forces of unconscionable evil an excuse to impose even more wanton suffering on those who have no choice but to endure it.