#save me mty

[stuckonmain]

On the Road to Nowhere

2012 Raph x Reader

Mutant Apocalypse timeline

Summary: After the mutagen bomb goes off, you manage to save Raph and Donnie. Sort of. Dealing with new bodies, memory loss, missing brothers and friends...was maybe not how any of you wanted your adult lives to go, but the world has changed beyond repair.

So with a heavy heart, you and your battered dream team set off onto the road to nowhere.

In other words, the early days of the Mutant Apocalypse.

Warnings: Angst, sadness, the characters cry a lot, bittersweet ending, really hefty word count, implied capriltello but it's in the background, Raphael is trans in this because it's my fic and my rules

Word count: 13.6k

***

Day 0.

  Donnie was hooked up to some machine of theirs, trying as hard as he could to save his brain as their body was mangled beyond repair, Casey was texting you nonstop, Mikey and Leo were MIA, Raph was curled up on the couch, and you were sitting on the floor trying to process everything.

CaseyjONES:

R you guys okay??? No ones responding. Me and april are at my house 

CaseyjONES:

(Y/N) seriously what’s going on? I know you can see this i see your read symbol

CaseyjONES:

Where are you guys???

  Oh yeah. Now that you were done attaching Donnie to his one shot at survival, you could stop ignoring Casey’s texts. Nice.

You:

Sorry Case’ I was kinda preoccupied for a bit there

You:

Leo n Mikey are missing. Donnie and I retreated back into the lair. Raph is freaking out, I think he hit his head. Would ask Dee, but Dee is compromised. 

CaseyjONES:

Compromised???

You:

They fell off a building and got impaled. Is currently uploading his consciousness into an old Metalhead prototype. Very horrifying to witness. Status update, I feel like throwing up.

CaseyjONES:

…

CaseyjONES:

Shit

You:

Shit indeed

You: 

Anyways, I’m mostly uninjured. Arm mighta gotten mildly sprained but y’know what i’ll worry bout that later. Lair is a mess, only thing really salvageable was the lab. Probably gonna leave as soon as dee is stable. How are you guys?

CaseyjONES:

My sister got mutated. Last thing she touched was our cat so now she’s got claws. Shes freakin out and aprils trying to calm her down with empath powers or whatever. My dad is MIA but good riddance if ya ask me. Broke mty arm so im typing this with 1 hand, and april sprained her ankel. The cat has miraculously survived + is sittig w/ me on the couch wich is pretty cool ngl

You:

So youre all stable???

CaseyjONES:

Yea

You:

Oh thank god

You: 

Cas my phones about to die. Dee n i will contact ya soon as theyre stable. Love ya. Stay safe or i’ll kill u

CaseyjONES:

Cool cool. Love you too. keep everyone+urself safe. Hopefully we;ll see yo soon.

  You sighed as your phone clicked off, definitively cutting off your final connection to your friends.

  Raph whimpered behind you in one of the most un-Raph like ways you’d ever heard, and you turned around.

  “Raph? You okay?” You rasped.

  He was curled around himself tightly, rocking back and forth.

  “Who the fuck are you?” He whispered, tears in his eyes.

  You winced. You were guessing he had some form of amnesia, or some kind of damage to the hippocampus.

   “I’m (Y/N). (Y/N) (L/N). You’re my best friend, but I think you hit your head in all the chaos.” You said slowly, feeling your heart sink even further.

  He gave a strangled sob and shoved his face into his knee pads. “I hate this. Who the fuck am I?”

  “You’re Raphael Hamato. You’re the son of Splinter or Hamato Yoshi. You’re the brother of Donatello, Leonardo, and Michelangelo, and the father of Chompy Picasso. You’re the best friend ever to me. You hit your head when Leo saved us from the mutagen bomb. I’m pretty sure it is currently the end of the known world.” You answered slowly, robotically. You were half-aware of how you were saying it for your own sanity as much as you were for Raph’s.

  “Where are we?” Raph said, voice trembling in a way that seemed so out of character.

  “Your home. Well. Sorta. It kinda got partially destroyed, there were a lotta cave ins.” You said numbly, standing up. “D’ya wanna tour? See if it…I’unno, sparks a few memories?”

  He pressed his shell to the back of the couch, scooting away from you. “D’you think that’ll help? …How do I know I can trust you?”

  “...C’mere.” You said, waving towards Donnie’s bulletin board in the back of the lab. Hesitantly, Raph followed after you, though not without a groan of pain.

  “That’s you.” You murmured, unpinning a photo of a smiling Raph and Casey as they posed in front of a wall you’d all spray painted. “I took this photo when we were fifteen, about three years ago. That human is Casey Jones, our close friend.”

  Raph took the photo, squeezing it lightly in his shaky hands. “Show me another.” He demanded.

  “Here’s you and I at the farmhouse.” You smiled fondly at the memory. “I was bored and convinced you to let me give you eyeliner.” Photo-Raph was scowling at the camera, with his arms crossed and pointy winged liner around his eyes. Photo-you was grinning proudly, holding the eyeliner pen with one hand and giving photo-Raph a side-hug with the other.

  Real-Raph accepted the photo. “That’s me, then?”

  “Yeah.” 

  “Why don’t I look like you and this guy?”

  “We’re humans. You’re a mutant.” You said simply. “A turtle/human hybrid, like your siblings.” 

  You pointed to a group shot. “The one with the blue mask is Leonardo, orange is Mikey, and purple is…uhm. Well, purple was Donnie...” You said, trying to choke back tears as you stared at the photo. “I-is any of this…y’know, ringing any bells?” You managed to mumble out through your tears. 

  Raph shook his head. “No.”

  “Oh.” You said, feeling a fresh new wave of dread wash over you. You took a deep breath. “Well. That’s not ideal.” 

  “Where are the other…turtles?” Asked Raph, clearly hesitant to call these supposed strangers his siblings, which nearly broke you even further.

  “Mikey and Leo are missing, and Donnie…” You sighed. “Well, I’d probably better just show you.”

  You lead him over to the table where Donnies mutilated body sat underneath a sheet. Wires ran from underneath it and connected to a tiny Metalhead robot.

  “What’s…wrong with him?” Raph said softly, reaching for the sheet.

  “Don’t.” You breathed, brushing his hand away. “You don’t wanna see it, trust me. They fell off a building and got impaled by shrapnel and debris. Their body isn’t exactly pretty or…y’know. Recognizable as Donatello.”

  “They’re dead?” Raph asked, and the tinge of discomfort in his voice wasn’t nearly enough for the situation- the Raph you knew would be yelling and crying and screaming, not…not being mildly uncomfortable in the way that one is when a stranger dies.

  “Yes and no. He’s uploading his brain into that robot. There’s only about an hour left before it loads. After that, we’re outta here for good. The scavengers’ll be coming soon, so we havta get a move on sooner than later.” You said, an empty hollow feeling in your chest as you said the words ‘for good’. 

  It just felt so real.

  “C’mon. Let’s see if your room has anything salvageable.” You grunted, leaving Donnie’s body behind.

  Raph’s room had partially caved in, but the front of it still looked okay. His drum set sat undamaged in the corner, though you doubted there was room for it in the Shellraiser, so it was a moot point.

  Raph stared vacantly at the place that had once mattered so much to him, without a single hint that he recognized any of it in his empty features. You wanted to hug him so bad. Maybe more for your own comfort than for his. 

  But then again, you needed the familiar hug of your best friend…not this vacant eyed empty shell of a turtle who didn’t recognize you.

  “Oh hey look. That box says ‘photos’ on it.” Raph said lightly, pointing at a dusty shoebox that sat under the bed and breaking you out of your spiralling thoughts.

  “It also says ‘do not touch’.” You pointed out.

  “Yeah well, I think I’d want me to know what’s in my own ‘do not touch’ box.” Raph grunted, sounding like his old sarcastic self again for just a moment.

  You held your hands up and stepped aside, and Raph scooped up the box. 

  He took off the lid, and picked up one of the photos. “...Who’s Venus?” He said, holding up a photo of a little turtle in a red bow with the label ‘Venus De Milo’. 

  You frowned, staring at the photo in confusion. Judging by the line drawn over the word ‘Venus’, Raph clearly had not wanted you to know about it, but the name didn’t ring any bells. “Actually, I don’t know. I’ve never met a Venus. Maybe you guys had some long lost sister that no one told me about?”

  “Seriously? What kinda soap opera bullshit would that be?” Raph snorted.

  “I mean. It wouldn’t be the first time.” You shrugged. 

  “...Wait, really?”

  “S’okay, we’ll ask Donnie.” You said. “Now…I’m pretty sure you’d want me to save your sketchbook and paints. Your canvases too, but we don’t have room for that.”

  He swallowed, flipping through the sketchbook you’d handed him, tracing over the doodles on the cover. “Fuck. I…I don’t remember any of these.” He murmured, not even bothering to wipe the tears from under his mask.

  “And I…I can’t find Chompy.” You whispered, rifling around his room a final time. “Shit. Shit shit shit. M-maybe he ran away…” You trailed off, wiping your face with your torn-up shirtsleeve.

  “Chompy?”

  You looked away from him. “Chompy Picasso. Alien turtle. Your son, basically...and I-I can’t fucking find him anywhere. Hopefully he got out before we came here, otherwise…” You swallowed a sob. 

  Raph stared at you, looking sick. “I had a son? But aren’t we…teenagers?” He said, his voice devoid of the raging grief he would have felt before, and replaced with a look of discomfort and horror at being a stranger to his own life.

  “An adoptive son, practically, yeah. And you…you loved him so, so much…He was so fucking cute…” You cried, your voice cracking. “Shit, Raph. You don’t remember Chompy…”

  “Shit.” He agreed, staring at the ground.

***

  Donnie was stable now, opening and closing his new metal hands.

  “How’s Raph?” They said. Their voice had taken on a metallic ring, though it still sounded like Donnie at its core.

  “Brain damage. He’s got brain damage.” You answered, glancing over to the far side of the lab where Raph sat, flipping through his box of photos.

  “What?!”

  “He doesn’t remember anything. That’s why he's keeping his distance. Said it feels weird.” 

  “Memory loss.” Donnie said, and the creaking breathy sounds that followed could only be described as crying although his new metal face remained neutral. 

  You held out your arms and Donnie fell into them, shaking and sobbing but not really. They were so small now, which felt wrong, because Donnie had always been close to your height if not taller.

  Well, it didn’t matter. This was Donnie now, and that stranger in the corner staring at the photos was Raph, and that haggard looking human in the mirror was you.

  Day 0 of the apocalypse and you were already all falling apart at the seams.

  Nice.

***

Day 1.

  Raph forgot his own name for a few hours, and Donnie panicked. He’d say to you later that it was nice to know his circuitry was still capable of having a panic attack, but his voice would be hollow. Well, more so than it was already with that robotic tremor to his voice. 

  But at the moment, you were sitting with your arms around a trembling Metalhead who was actually Donatello, and making uncomfortable eye contact with Raph who sat across from you on the floor of the Shellraiser.

  His bright green eyes were narrowed in frustration, and his plastron rose and fell quicker than usual. He was probably hyperventilating. 

  You kept your distance. When you’d tried to comfort him earlier, he’d tried to shank you with a piece of glass he’d found on the ground. You didn’t hold it against him, really- he’d yelled “Who the hell are you?! Stay back!” first, so you at least knew it wasn’t out of malice.

  And it also meant that he was more damaged than you and Donnie had originally thought. 

  Probably permanently, Donnie had said through gasping breaths before he realized he didn’t actually need air anymore. 

  Fuck. 

  “I’m sorry, Raph.” You found yourself saying, because you were. It may have stung having him try to hurt you, but what stung more was the look of pure fear and confusion in his face. 

  He broke eye contact with you and dropped his face onto his knee pads again, slumping over in shame and sorrow. 

  “I’m sorry (Y/N), Donatello.” He replied, voice slightly muffled by his legs, which were pulled to his chest.

  “Don’t be.” You muttered. “It’s not your fault. You didn’t mean to.”

  Donnie nodded. “It’s not your fault. It’s mine. I should’ve treated you sooner, then you might’ve stood a chance-”

  “Shut up Donatello. If you had done that then you woulda bled out and died and you are not allowed to fucking die on me, we clear?” You hissed, squeezing his metal shoulders.

  “I did die, (Y/N).” Donnie said flatly, pointing at the bag that held their body.

  “Shit.” You said, letting your gaze follow his finger as you let it finally sink in that yeah you were talking to Donnie, but also that was his fucking corpse in the back of the Shellraiser. “Shit shit shit. You’re still with us, but like…man this is fucked up, huh? You’re not dead, Don, you’re still you, but…”

  “What if I’m not?! I’m a robot! Maybe the real Donatello is dead! What if I’m just a really good simulation?! What if I just think I’m panicking because it’s what Donatello would do?” He exclaimed, tugging on Metalhead’s antennae when he would usually tug on his mask tails.

  “Well if it makes you feel any better, I’m pretty sure human emotions are a physical chemical reaction too. So one could argue that I’m just freaking out because the chemicals in my brain are reacting rather than me actually feeling things, right?” You offered.

  “...I guess…Look I think I'm gonna go into sleep mode now, okay? It’s been a long day.” They sighed.

  “Yeah, okay. See ya tomorrow, Don. Love you.” You said, patting his shoulder. 

  “Ditto.” They said, and then the lights went out in their eyes.

  Raph sighed, staring at his sibling. “It feels weird being taller than them for some reason.” He grunted, breaking the silence.

  “Oh, you remember that?” You said hopefully.

  “Nah. I guess it just….feels weird. I dunno.”

  “Well…Yeah it really does. Donnie always towered over you and Leo. Mikey hit a growth spurt like two years ago and wound up almost as tall, and you nearly cried at that...” You rambled, smiling. 

  “Oh. That explains it, I guess.” Raph snorted. “Was I…taller than Leo? Just out of curiosity, of course…” He added, looking hopeful.

  “Nah. Leo’s 5’2ish. You are 5’1.” 

  “...Fuck.” Raph cursed. “That is unfair, y’know that?”

  “You complained about it often.” You smiled. “It was kinda adorable.”

  “Adorable?” Raph said, wrinkling his snout.

  “Yeah. Ha. I uh….called you that a lot, guess it’s kinda a habit. Not because you’re short but because I thought you were cute. Uh…by which I mean good-looking, not cute like a kitten or something.” You said with a shrug. “Not that it really matters.”

  “Oh. That’s cool then, I guess.” Raph said with a slight smile.

  You smiled. “So I can keep callin’ you adorable?”

  “Sure. Knock yourself out.” 

  You glanced out the window of the Shellraiser. It was still too bright out to travel safely to Casey’s apartment, with too many angry mindless mutants destroying everything in sight. You and Donnie had agreed to wait till the cover of night to head over there, in hopes that the new mutants would retain their usual sleep schedule.

  “Damn. How long’ll this take?” You mumbled. It was six in the evening, but still bright as ever outside…

  A pink thing slammed into the front camera, sending you falling back in shock.

  Upon further inspection, it appeared to be a once-human that had been nearly swallowed by brainy, vein-covered tendrils. You choked back a gag.

  Raph swallowed and clicked the camera off, looking greener than usual as the image faded.

  “Ugh. Gross.” You whispered.

  “So I’m assuming that things weren’t alway like this, right?” Raph said softly.

  “Nope. You, my friend, would much prefer the Old World…” You paused, having a realization. “Shit. I bet that if this were a transcript, ‘Old World’ would be fucking capitalized.” 

  “So….there’s no way to undo whatever happened?”

  “Nah. Dee’s run the numbers. The odds of the Earth bouncing back from this…are in the negatives.” You said, unable to summon anything other than an empty sigh.

  “...What was your Earth like?” Raph asked, raising his brow ridge as he stared at you gently, as if you were some sorta fragile ceramic that could break at any minute.

  Or as if you were a tearful human who’s world had just turned upside down.

  You heaved a sigh, and sat down next to him on the floor.

  “Well…there were trees yesterday. Green trees, not those crystal lookin’ things in Central Park that we saw this morning. And yesterday, this was New York, and it was full of people, not…those brain mutants and animal hybrids and…fuckin’  masses of organs suspended in jello. I dunno how far reaching the mutation bomb was, but Dee’s scanners have picked up on stuff as far as Florida to the south and Quebec to the north, and that’s not even counting the ones that went off on the West Coast and outside of America. Whatever it was that terraformed the Earth did a fucking good job.” You sighed, pulling your knees to your chest.

  “So the old world really is the Old World.” Raph breathed. 

  “Yup. I…I don’t think we’ll ever get our homes back, Raphael.” You whispered. 

  Yesterday morning when you’d said something like that, Raph had pulled you into a wordless hug and you’d pressed your face into his chest and cried. 

  This evening as you sat on the floor crying, Raph stared at you sadly but kept his distance.

  And you were reminded once again that you really were alone.

***

You: Casey we’re headed over

You: Read ya messages case

You: Dude seriously, are you guys okay?

Sent: 4hrs ago, unread

You: We’re here…

Sent: 1hr ago, unread

***

  “Case’? Casey?” You yelled, wandering through his apartment. “April…”

  “April! Casey!” Donnie yelled even louder than you. His face couldn’t emote, but his voice was high and desperate, and you were pretty sure they were twice as nervous as you were.

  “He hasn’t replied to any messages since like three pm, and we’ve searched this dump for like an hour. I don’t think your friends are here, guys.” Raph sighed, crossing his arms. 

  “Shut up!” You and Donnie chorused, and Raph rolled his eyes. 

  “Fine, whatever! We’ll just stay here forever then I guess!” He snapped.

  “Yeah well maybe we’re not being big babies, Raph! Don’t you care about finding Casey?!”

  “I don’t know who the fuck Casey is!” Raph growled.

  Donnie deflated. “...You’re right. I…I’m sorry, Raph. I forgot that you’re…y’know.”

  “Brain damaged? Nice. Can’t fucking relate.” Raph grunted.

  You exhaled through your nose. “Sorry Rafa. We’re just…we really wanted this lead…” Shit you were crying again. 

  “It’s just…I miss them so much. Casey and April mattered a lot to us, and to you, and we thought they’d….we thought they’d be here, but we’ve lost their signal and now I don’t fucking know what to do…” You whimpered, burying your face into your scarf.

  Donnie tried to pat you on the shoulder but only succeeded in reaching to the small of your back.

  “I miss  them too. Well Raph…Casey and April…well, they mattered a ton to me and it just…is so scary to consider that they might…” 

  They didn’t finish the sentence, but you knew what they meant. 

  That they might be dead. 

  Raph stared at both of you with a grimace, seeming to pick up on the meaning too.

***

Day 15.

  Raph stared at the photos a lot, not recognizing any of them.

  Sometimes he woke up on the floor of the subway car that you, his supposed ‘best friend’, and Donnie, the robot who claimed to be his brother, had dubbed the ‘Shellraiser’. He’d sit there trying to remember where he was, only for him to slowly remember waking up in rubble to a wide pair of (E/C) eyes.

  That was always what he remembered first. 

  Then he’d remember the smell of smoke and something he didn’t have a name for, and the feeling of someone hugging him close to their chest and whispering “It’s okay it’s okay-shit- Dee, he’s not waking up, he’s not- Oh my god Donnie, your- your plastron-”

  He’d opened his eyes a crack to see humans mutating, screaming in horror, before someone shifted his head, and then all he could see was fabric.

  Then he was on an unfamiliar couch with someone squeezing his hand. “Donnie…that’s a thing that’s possible?”

  “No, but do I have any other option?!”

  “...Shit Dee, you- you can’t die on me-”

  “I won’t. I swear I won’t, (Y/N). If my theories are concrete, which they have an-” The voice paused to take a laboured breath. “-an 86.3% chance of being, then my consciousness will- shit that hurts- my consciousness will be uploaded into Metalhead…”

  Raph didn’t remember how that conversation had ended, which he was very okay with. 

  Then after that the other things would begin to come back. Right. Right, he was Raphael, and these two people used to matter a lot to him in the Before Times, supposedly.

  He didn't remember either of you, if he was honest. But if the notes on his Past Self’s photos were trustworthy, then you especially meant the world to him once. 

  He held up a photo of you in different, cleaner clothes. Your eyes were brighter, and you were grinning harder than you ever had now. The note on the back read ‘Reference photo 4 drawing (Y/N)’ in a messy script with a heart drawn next to it. Below it, in smudged print, it said ‘I feel creepy for staring at this for so long… Shit why did I write that down?’

  He frowned and looked at another. This one was of a purple-ish pink turtle that gave the camera a wide smile, and the notation on the back said ‘Chompy I love you so fucking much but stop burning my paper please’

  The next photo wasn’t a photo but a drawing. It was a rough sketch of a human hugging a baby turtle that was drawn in pink, with soft shading and a lot of smudges. The back of this one said ‘Shitty drawing of (Y/N) and Chompy. Felt bad throwing it away though for some reason, idk’

  Raph wrinkled his snout. He disagreed with his Past Self, he thought the drawing looked kinda cute. Still, he’d respect Past Raph’s wishes and hide it away in the ‘Don’t Touch Box’. 

  He looked at the next picture. Venus again. 

  There were a lot of photos in the Don’t Touch Box of this ‘Venus De Milo’, and Raph hadn’t gotten any closer to an answer as to who she was. Heck, there were a few photos where she was completely crossed out with no further commentary. Not that it made much of a difference though, since the commentary that was there was ridiculously unhelpful. ‘Took another one of Sensei’s Venus photos. I wish he’d just let me burn all of them, but instead he just gave me this box and told me to hide them here instead of destroying all our childhood photos. Ugh. I hate them so much, obviously you know why, future me.’

  No, I do not. Why are you so cryptic, Past Me?! Raph clicked in frustration, throwing the Venus photos back into the box. 

  “Lookin’ at Sensei’s old photos, Raph?” Said Donnie, making Raph jump back in surprise. 

  “Dammit, you’re awake?!”

  “Yeah, just finished…charging.” Donnie sighed. “That still feels so weird to say.”

  “Well, you’ve only been like this for…what, a week? Two?” Raph said dryly. 

  “...Yeah. I miss being…tall.” Donnie said softly. Raph got the vibe that they’d actually meant something else, but he didn’t feel like unpacking that right now.

  “I miss you being tall.” Raph agreed. “Maybe that’s a good sign as far as memory stuff goes though.”

  “...Hey, maybe it is, Raph! That’s actually really good!” Donnie said, their voice perking up while their face remained uncannily blank.

  “...Cool.” Raph said. “...Hey, Donnie, who was Venus?”

  Donnie jolted. “-Oh. Right. You found those pictures… I actually forgot about- well. Venus… You’re a transman, Raph, and Venus was your name back before you realized you were a boy.”

  Raph frowned. “I’m a…what?”

  “Well…when we were kids, Splinter named you Venus De Milo because you were physically a girl. Then when we were like thirteen or fourteen you told us that you actually were our brother, not our sister, so Sensei changed your name to Raphael.” Donnie said slowly.

  Raph…did not like that information at all. “So…I’m not a boy?”

  “No you are, it just took a bit of time for you to realize it.” Donnie shrugged. 

  “Good. I…do not like the name Venus.” Raph grunted.

  “Yeah, when we were little you used to make us call you ‘Milo’ instead.” Donnie chuckled. “Splinter was so confused, but he just wanted you to be happy at the end of the day, really…”

  Raph swallowed. “Uhh…Donatello, who’s…Splinter?”

  Donnie’s neck sparked. “Right. Right right right…Raph, Splinter was our dad.” 

  “Oh.” He should know that. What kinda person didn’t even recognize their own father?! 

  Why couldn’t he remember the things that made Past Raph so happy?

  Well he didn’t even remember that he was a fucking girl, so clearly he wasn’t the best judge-

  “G’mornin’ guys” You yawned, leaning over the passenger’s seat where Raph had perched.

  Raph shook his head clear and looked back at you. “Hi.”

  “How’s the new body coming, Don?” You asked, stretching your arms.

  “I’m almost done with the shell. I’ve made it segmented this time so that I can actually bend over, see?” They said, bending the large shell made of sewer plates.

  “Oh. That’s really rad, Dee.” You said proudly.

  “Yeah, I’m sick of being shorter than Raph.” He chuckled. “I can't wait to finish this model.”

  “Wait, you’re making a new new body?” Raph frowned. “Did I know about that?”

  “Yeah, I told you yesterday, you must have forgotten... S’okay though. Here’s the design, I made these blueprints months ago.”

  “How come? What’s wrong with this robot?” Raph said, glancing over the taller, sleeker design sketch Donnie had handed him.

  Donnie shrugged. “I guess…this is Metalhead’s body, not mine. And I want my body to feel like mine.”   “Oh. Okay, fair enough I guess?” Raph shrugged, not sure how that made sense. Donnie was in the body, so that made it his right? Why’d they need a new one?

  Whatever, Donnie could do what they wanted, he supposed.

  “I think it looks great.” You smiled, though it didn’t reach your eyes the way it did in the Don’t Touch Box photos. “I love the purple LEDs.”

  “Yeah, it looks nice.” Raph agreed. It really did; it was cleaner than Donnie’s current body, and seemingly more combat-effective if all the hidden blasters in the concept art were any clue. Plus it just looked cool as fuck.

  “Thanks. It should be finished in a few weeks…in the meantime though, (Y/N), we should discuss plans.”

  You nodded, following Donnie to the back of the Shellraiser.

  “We should go on a supply run, we’re low on perishable food and water.” You said, writing ‘supply run’ on the whiteboard Donnie had set up in the back. 

  “Okay, noted. Do we have enough non-perishables?”

  “Yeah. The drawers in the back are full of instant ramen and canned food.” You nodded.

  “So just the usual things then…shelter. What’re we gonna do about shelter?”

  “Yeah, I don’t really like it out here. Seems pretty sketchy.” Raph grunted, spinning around so that his plastron was pressed to the back of the chair and his head was rested on the top.

  “I vote we go to the farmhouse. You’ve run your scans, and I think we just needa….you know, accept that everyone is…out of range of the scanners. We’re just sitting ducks in New York, Don.” You sighed.

  Donnie clenched their fists. “I- I know, but like…what if they come back for us and we’re not here, (Y/N)? What if by leaving we forfeit our chances of finding Casey, April, Mikey, and Leo?”

  “Well what if we do? Who cares?” Raph argued. “They either left or they’re dead, Donatello! We should leave too if we wanna not be dead!”

  “Yeah well what do you know?! You don’t even know the extent of the damage!”

  “Yeah I do. Explode-y bomb things from here to the other side of the planet. Earth getting terraformed in some twisted reflection of the world you knew before. Humans turning into horrifying brainless monsters, and humans that turn into horrified monstrous mutants, and humans like (Y/N) who survived with trauma and dead friends. And friends that lose their memories. Yadayada, all that shit.” Raph said through gritted teeth. “Plus, I saw you guys fighting off those mutants in the last supply run, you barely escaped with your fucking tail attached. Long story short, I vote we get outta here as soon as possible.”

  You and Donnie looked at each other, blinking.

  “I vote what he votes.” You supplied.

  Donnie sighed. “You always did…fine. Fine, guys.  You win. But can we please just stay for one more night?”

  You shrugged. “Yeah, I think that seems fair. Raph?”

  He nodded. “Yeah. Deal. We havta go on that supply run, anyways, so.”

  “Cool cool. So…farmhouse then, Dee?” You said hesitantly, as if you were afraid of hurting Donnie.

  Donnie just grunted. “I’m gonna go into sleep mode. You guys handle the supply run, I have to do some repairs from last time.”

  “Well that wasn’t really an answer.” You said flatly as Donnie’s lights went out again.

  “...No it was not.” Raph sighed. 

***

  “D’ya think I can pull off steel-toed boots?” You grinned, rapping your knuckles on the metal capped toes of a pair of leather combat boots.

  “Well…it seems efficient, so yeah, why not.” Raph shrugged.

  “Yeah, but would it look rad?” You pressed.

  Raph nodded. “It would look badass.”

  “Now that’s the answer I was lookin’ for.” You beamed, pulling on the boots.

  “Do you think I’d look cool in that jacket?” Raph asked, reaching for an aviator jacket. It was useful, from a practical standpoint, with tons of pockets and the ability to hold in warmth, but he didn’t really want it if it didn’t make him look like the characters on the covers of the comics he’d managed to salvage.

  “Raphael, you would look so cool in that jacket. You need it.” You nodded emphatically. “All we’d needa do is cut a hole for your shell.”

  “...Oh yeah. Forgot about that part.” Raph sighed, wrinkling his snout in disdain. His shell was kinda inconvenient. But then again, it did function as a fantastic natural armor, so pros and cons. He tossed the jacket into the hijacked cart anyways.

  You grabbed a tent from the shelf. “I think this’ll probably be useful down the line right?”

  “Well…it’s free, so might as well.”

  “Ooh, lookit this lifestraw!”

  “What the hell is a lifestraw?”

  “It filters water. Turns even the most contaminated junk into safely drinkable water. I’m surprised there’s even one left, this is gonna save our shells.”

  “You don’t have a shell, (Y/N).”

  “I’ve spent the past three years of my life surrounded almost entirely by people who do. Your jargon has worn off on me.”

  “What the hell is jargon?”

  “Your turtle-specific manner of speaking. Like swapping normal words for ‘shell’.”

  “Shit, we did that?”

  “Yeah. It was charming.”

***

  “(Y/N), what’s ‘feminine hygiene’?” Raph frowned, peering down an aisle.

  You glanced up, following his gaze. “Uh…y’know, girl stuff, don’t worry about it.”

  “Donnie said I’m a ‘transman’, so maybe I should.” Raph mumbled, feeling ill at the thought.

  You did a double take. “Wait what? Oh-kay, cool cool. Maybe you do need to worry about it.”

  Raph grunted and crossed his arms. “I dunno why, but I get a very odd, very uncomfortable feeling when you say that.”

  You swallowed, obvious nervousness in your eyes. “Well…that is fair. Raphael…allow me to remind you about the world of…feminine hygiene. Damn. I’m having to give my boyfriend- uh- my best friend- ‘the talk’, this feels weird!” You laughed. “Uh…so how do I put this. Once a month people with feminine body parts…bleed uncontrollably and you havta fix it with the stuff in this aisle! …Yayyyy!”

  Raph suddenly got a very vivid memory of sitting on the couch of the lair with a hot pack on his plastron and an angry feeling in his head.

  Shit, why was one of the few memories he had of the Old World one where he was bleeding in places he didn’t want to be?!

  He groaned and facepalmed. “This is shit, you know that? My life is shit.”

  “Periods ain’t fun.” You nodded. “I dunno if you turtles are affected the same way as humans though, so I could be totally wrong-”

  “No, no, I remember now. It’s the same. Basically.” Raph said, blushing bright red and glaring at the ground. “Aaand I’m calling it on that conversation.” He finished.

  You nodded. “I’ll allow it. Lemme know if you need any help figuring out what supplies you need-”

  “-nO I’m good!” Raph exclaimed. “How about you just get- get some other supplies right now?!” He grinned, trying to mask the discomfort that rose the longer he stood in this stupid aisle.

  You nodded. “Whatever makes you feel comfortable. I’ll be in the next aisle over, the first aid section, ‘kay?”

  “Great.” Raph replied.

  It was only after you’d left that he noticed that you’d called him your ‘boyfriend’ for a second there.

  Well. Well that was an interesting development. 

  Raph hated not having his memories. He was 99% positive that Past Raph would know exactly what you meant by that, but presently? Raph was just so, so confused.

  Maybe he had been your boyfriend in the Old World. If the photos counted for anything, Past Raph had probably liked you at some point- you showed up more often than anyone else, both in the photos and in his sketchbook. And he hadn’t even finished digging through them yet.

  And now instead of having good ol’ Past Raph to comfort you, you got this Raph. The Raph who had forgotten his own name a few days ago, the Raph who didn’t really know what to do when you cried, the Raph who was so sick of not knowing… 

  Heck, he was pretty sure you had been avoiding touching him, which felt just as weird as being taller than Donnie. Even in the photos, you always seemed to have an arm around him or a hand in his, but now you were careful not to stray within a few feet of him. As if he was some kinda ticking time bomb.

  Then again, he kinda was, huh? The last time you’d come near him, he’d tried to stab you in a panic. Maybe you were right to steer clear of him, though the thought of that just made him sad for some reason. 

  He paused and blinked at a mirror that sat at the end of the aisle.

  Huh. That really was what he looked like, all green skin and torn mask tails and neon eyes. 

  He looked tired.

  “Hey Rafa, lookit what I found!” You yelled, and Raph tore himself away from his reflection, dropping his armful of…feminine hygiene products into the cart before following your voice to the paint section.

  “Look dude! Spray paint!” You grinned, bouncing on your feet.

  Raph stared at you blankly, trying to understand your excitement. “Uh…did we…uhm…”

  An image flashed through his head of holding a can of spray paint and stepping back to look at a mural. 

  “...OH! Oh right! I used to like spray painting!” He exclaimed, pleased at the memory. “(Y/N) I remember it!”

  Your eyes widened. “You remember?! Oh Raph this is huge!”

  “...What d’ya say to painting a final mural before we leave the city, for….I dunno, old time’s sake?” Raph said with a hesitant smile.

  “Hell yeah!” You beamed, grabbing as many colors of spray paint as you could and dropping them into the cart. “Dee is in sleep mode so he can’t even stop us!”

  “Yes, I can.” 

  You fell back and dropped your phone. Raph’s fists flew into a fighting stance, observing the phone nervously.

  “Sorry ‘bout the scare guys.” Donnie’s voice chuckled, not sounding even slightly sorry. “I just discovered that I can access you through your phones! I’ll be back in sleep mode soon, I just thought that was a perfect time to test the audio feature.”

  “Wait, you can hear our conversations?” You frowned.

  “Uh….surprise?” Donnie said sheepishly. “If it makes you feel any better, I don’t plan on stopping you from spray painting. It actually seems like it could both help Raph’s memory since it’s so familiar, as well as being just…a nice gesture. My one suggestion is that you add some way for Leo, Mikey, Casey, and April to find us, like a coded key to our whereabouts.”

  “Oh. That’s smart.” You said. “But can we get back to how you’ve been eavesdropping this whole time Donald?!”

  “Lalala, going into sleep mode, can’t hear you, lalala…” Donnie said, ever the terrible liar, and disconnected a second later.

  “That little shit.” You said fondly. “If you’re still listening, I love you, Don, but you’re a total jerk.”

  Raph shook his head, feeling the beginnings of a smile on his face. “If you’re still listening, then quit listening, Donatello.”

  But no reply came from the phone, so you shrugged. “Guess he actually is back in sleep mode. C’mon, let’s paint a mural.”

***

  Raph glared at the wall.

  The spray paint had gathered into a messy blob of color that did not look like a mural.

  The paint bottle felt natural in his hand, yeah, and his lines were steady, but they weren’t coming out right. He scowled and tried to cover the blob with a cloud of red, but then it didn’t look like a cloud, it just looked like blood.

  “AUGUHH!” He yelled in frustration, kicking the wall. He jumped back to hold his foot, which was now throbbing in pain. Shit, why was that his instinct?!

  “You good Raph?” You said, looking over from your side of the wall. Your mural looked nice, with a painting of two turtles, a skeleton, and a red haired girl with eyes that seemed to glow. They were all outlined in thick black and colored in vibrant shades, which made them pop against the gray wall.

  “Fine…” He grumbled, rubbing his foot. “I just- I can’t draw or something.”

  You followed his glare toward his bloody smear of a painting.

  “Oh…did you…”

  “Forget? Yeah. I fucking forgot how to draw.” He said with a humorless laugh.

  “Do you…want a crash course? We’ve still got an hour or so before we have to head out…” You offered.

  He shook his head. “No…we don’t have time. …Did you add the message?”

  You nodded, still staring at him sympathetically. “I wrote ‘guys, find us in the healing place- Red, Purple, and (L/N)’. They’ll know what I mean.”

  “The ‘healing place’?” Raph repeated.

  “The farmhouse.” You elaborated. “We went there back when the kraang invaded three years ago. Leo was in a coma for like three months, and y’know…healed. And I think we all kinda healed too. You were kinda the team leader for a bit there…” You trailed off, eyes glazing over as if you were reminiscing about something Raph undoubtedly wouldn’t understand. You shook your head clear. “...but you know, I think they’ll get it. More importantly, I don’t think anyone else will, so we can’t be followed. Not that we have any reason to be followed, I’m just paranoid.” 

  “Aren’t we like…ninjas with like a million enemies or whatever?”

  You snorted. “Kinda, yeah.”

  “...So the idea that we might be followed doesn’t seem that outlandish, right?” Raph ventured.

  “Hm. Thanks for justifying my paranoia, Raphael!” You exclaimed, not looking any happier.

  “...Uh…I’m gonna say you’re welcome, but I get the funny feeling that you don’t actually mean that, huh?” He said sheepishly,

  “No, I…I dunno.” You said with a humorless laugh. “I’m being weird.”

  “It’s literally the end of your world. You should be acting weird, right?” Raph snorted.

  You smiled half-heartedly. “Ya think?”

  “Donnie’s acting weird, I’m acting weird. You can act weird too.” He said matter-of-factly.

  You sighed. “But that’s just the thing. Donnie lost their body. You lost your past. What the hell did I lose? …You know, aside from my friends…and family…and my old life…but you guys lost that too!”

  “I really didn’t. You can’t miss what you don't remember, right?” Raph said with a hollow laugh. “I have no Old World. No old connections. The world we’re in now is basically all I’ve ever known, so if anything, I’ve lost…the least.”

  You stared at him, a discomforting sense of horror in your eyes. You raised your hands as if to set them on his shoulders, but then lowered them instead. 

  “Raph…Fuck. No! You’ve lost everything! Like, way more than I have! At least I still have good memories to go back to, o-of you, of Chompy, of Leo and Casey and Mikey and April…of Mona, Raph, I still have memories of Mona, and you don’t even have that…” You wiped your eyes with your scarf and shook your head. “Shit, man. We’re all going through hell, I shouldn’t bother comparing it.”

  “Yeah….yeah. That’s a good way of lookin’ at it.” Raph sighed.

  “...Who's Mona?” He asked lightly, after a beat of silence.

  You smiled slightly. “Mona Lisa? She’s this really awesome Salamandrian who we met in space.”

  “We went to space?!” Raph said, eyes widening.

  “Yup. It was very convoluted… Anyways, we both had this ridiculous crush on her…she was so cool. She could beat us at fighting easily, but she also was so sweet…ahhh, what a woman.” You said, perking up a bit more. “Anyways, at least she’s safe…She’s in space.”   

  “What else have you guys not told me about my life?!” Raph exclaimed.

  “I promise I’ll tell you everything once life has calmed down a bit, but there is some stuff that I genuinely believe is too much for you right now.” You shrugged.

  “Well it’s my memories, so I don’t think that’s for you to decide.” Raph frowned.

  You opened your mouth, glaring at him, before deflating. “...I…you’re right. It is your memories, Raph. You do deserve the truth. But the truth isn’t always easy or fun or any of that so can we make a compromise?”

  He gestured for you to go ahead.

  You squeezed your hands. “I’ll tell you what you need to know, and if you figure stuff out on your own- which is highly likely- I’ll give ya more details. Deal?” You held out your hand.

  Raph sighed. This was probably the best he was gonna get from you.

  …Also…what was with the hand? 

  Raph frowned, staring at your hand, and took it awkwardly. “Deal?”

  You blinked.

  He blinked.

  “Raph why are you still holding my hand?” You coughed.

  “Oh, was I supposed to-”

  “-Let go, yeah, this is a handshake.”

  “-Weird. You guys are weird.”

  “You still haven’t let go?” You said, but you were smiling.

  Would it be weird if he said he kinda didn’t wanna? Holding your hand felt nice…

  “Uh- right.” He grunted, wrenching his hand out of yours.

***

Day 16.

  “Well, I think we’re all set to go upstate.” Donnie said as he finished checking over the items Raph and you had taken.

  “Cool.” You said softly.

  You’d talked about going upstate for the past two weeks, but as Donnie closed the power-cell powered freezer box, it finally hit you that you were leaving. 

  Like leaving leaving. 

  It wasn’t like there was much of a choice. New York was dangerous, more now than before. You and Raph had even wound up in a mild tussle as you made your way back to the Shellraiser last night.

  There were too many scared humans and animals that had gained sentience and horrifying mindless creatures that looked like body-horror inspired abominations to go anywhere without a fight. And frankly, none of you wanted to deal with that.

  And it didn’t help that Donnie’s sensors weren’t picking up on any habitable land in the general radius. You were sure he wasn’t telling you everything, but he had mumbled something about the soil being full of toxic chemicals and unable to maintain life among…other things.

  Essentially, New York City was dying. But maybe if you were all lucky, the farmhouse would be habitable.

  By which you meant…with good soil. It’d be really really nice if you guys could just…plant seeds for food and hang out there for the rest of eternity. Nice, but unlikely, if you were realistic. Still. It was a spot of hope. 

  Raphael stared at you mournfully as you and Donnie finished preparing the Shellraiser. He did that a lot now, and it always stung about the same- he wanted to remember you, but to him, you were a stranger. 

  You hated feeling like a stranger around the person who’d been closer to you than anyone ever back in the Before Times. 

  Not that you’d told him much. You thought there was kinda a power imbalance now, since you knew so much about Raph and he now knew so little about you. He was vulnerable, and you, being one of the ones who had saved him, had a bit more sway over him than you felt comfortable with. 

  He was catching onto you though, you could see that. He’d understandably demanded answers last night, and although you’d agreed to his terms, you were dreading it. Because how could you tell him that he had been your boyfriend if he didn’t even know who you were? Worse, would he feel like he had to immediately go back to that just to make you feel better?

  You’d described your relationship to him as ‘best friend’, which was more accurate, honestly, considering both you and Raph had been a bit odd around romance, but still. It would probably be more to take in than he could handle right now…

  “So. We ready to get this tin can on the road?” You said finally, leaning over Donnie’s shoulder as they stepped away from the newly pumped tires. 

  “...I believe so.” Donnie said proudly, patting the side of the car. 

  And with that, you gave New York City one final good-bye.

  “Seeya, New York…you were one hell of a town to live in. We….had a lotta fun here.” You said, leaning against the Shellraiser to stare at the cityscape.

  “Goodbye pigeons and manholes and starless skies. I-I’ll miss you.” Donnie said fondly, leaning next to you.

  “And I’ll miss pizza gyoza, my fire escape- heck, I’ll even miss Shredder’s lair and TCRI.” You grinned.

  “What a town.” Donnie said, nodding.

  "Hey guys, this is real sweet, but it’s getting dark.” Raph grunted, poking his head out the door. “Let’s get this freakshow on the road.”

  “...Okay.” You said with a rueful smile.

  “...Yeah, we’re coming.” Donnie sighed, and the two of you headed into the Shellraiser.

***

  By the time the sun had set, you had left the city.

  Raph sat in the passenger seat, eating dry pasta like a heathen, and Donnie sat in the roof hatch running his scanners. You weren’t exactly expecting that he’d find anything positive though.

  As you silently drove up the road, you took note of a few things- first off, there were trees out here, at least. Dead trees, but still trees rather than alien shapes that had loomed over you in New York, which was some relief.  

  Secondly…there was no sign of life. The only noise you had heard since leaving New York was the quiet hum of the Shellraiser’s engine, punctuated by Raphael’s crunching on his fucking dry pasta. (Seriously, that stuff could not be good for his digestive system…)

  Thirdly…your hopes of finding an oasis in all of this were running as dry as the land around you. 

  New York was dead, and Earth wasn’t following too far behind it. 

  Donnie clambored back down from the top lookout with a heavy sigh. 

  “So Doc, what’s the diagnosis?” You said dryly, no bothering to turn around. “Lemme guess- we’re doomed?”

  “Well, my sensors have picked up nothing but toxic chemicals and mutagen. There's no living organic plant forms for miles. I’m not picking up on the signatures of Casey, April, Leo, Mikey, Karai, the Mutanimals, or the (L/N)s. I don’t think the Earth will ever heal from this, and our tech has been basically thrown back to the dark ages.” He paused to heave an even more dramatic sigh, before saying “So does that answer your question?” cheerfully.

  You whistled. “Ouch. So we are doomed.”

  Raph crunched on his pasta and glanced up. “Great. That’s….real great.”

  “Raph, are you eating straight up uncooked tortellini?!” Donnie said, gagging.

  Raph smirked and crunched louder, and you cringed at the sound. 

  “Ugh, must you do that?”

  “It tastes good.” He said innocently.

  “Well don’t come to me for help when you get a stomachache.” Donnie said, disgusted.

  You snorted, and refocused on the road as Donnie continued to complain about Raph’s apoca-licious eating habits.

  Because hey. Maybe you were just headed towards certain doom upstate. Maybe Raph would never remember the past. Maybe the fucking planet was mutated beyond recognition…But hey.

  At least you were with your best friends. 

  Heck, if you ignored the metallic tremor in Donnie’s voice and made Raph’s ever so slightly gentler, you could pretend that this was just another peaceful road trip. Just another night of smiling at Dee and Rafa’s antics, of choosing to unsubtly egg them on, of talking till morning with Raph about shit like life and the future and insecurities, comforting each other in that sweet way the two of you always had.

  Yeah, yeah. You’d pretend it was a night like that.

  And for a bit, you’re nearly convinced that when you woke up tomorrow, everything would be alright.

***

Day 17.

  Everything was not entirely alright.

  The farmhouse was devoid of people, and was shrouded in suspiciously pink clouds that hung lower than clouds usually did. Donnie scanned the air though and only got the usual amount of toxic chemicals, so you guys reluctantly decided it was safe.

  “Woah, looks like this place already got picked clean.” You winced, glancing around the main room. It was mostly empty- everything from the furniture to the photos on the wall had been taken.

   The stairs however, had caved in, but with the help of your grappling hook, you made your way to the top without too much effort.

  The top of the house, by comparison, was full of the homey clutter that you had grown to expect from the healing place. Just being there, surrounded by everyone’s old things and the memories around them, made you breathe a sigh of relief. 

  “Anything up there?” Donnie said from the ground level.

  You smiled, breathing in the air of the place you’d briefly called home. “Everything, Don. Case’s spare eyeliner pens, Leo’s matcha powder, Raph’s forgotten sketchbooks and acrylics…everything.”

  With a bit of effort due to Metalhead’s heavy clunky body, Donnie managed to heave themself upstairs too.

  “Woah. Weird being back here.” He said, and you got the impression that he’d be smiling if they could.

  “How’re ya doin’ down there, Raph?” You said, leaning over the stair rail to see him staring into the living room.

  “I…we watched a dumb cartoon there, right? Uh…Chris Bradford the…Barbarian?” He breathed, as if speaking any louder would shatter his ability to remember.

  You and Donnie glanced at each other, swapping a pair of grins. Well, metaphorically, in Dee’s case.

  “Yeah. Crognard the Barbarian…” You smiled. “But we did watch another show about Chris Bradford!”

  “Awesome, Raph!” Donnie said, pumping their fist.

  “...Cool.” He said softly, putting his hands into the pockets of his jacket. “So…this is the safehouse, then?”

  “Well, ‘safe’ is a strong word…there’s a heck of a lot of danger we got into here last time.” You said, sliding down the stair banister. 

  “Out here in the middle of nowhere?” Raph snorted, turning towards you. “How the hell was this dangerous?”

  “You got mutated into a plant once,” Donnie supplied.

  “Ooh, Bigfoot tried to marry Don,” You grinned.

  “Who’s bigfoot?”

  “This forest cryptid who had a crush on Donnie.” You said with a chuckle.

  “(Y/N), please know that I would be rolling my eyes at you right now if I still had them.” Donnie sighed.

  “I wouldn’t expect anything less.” You said, giving them a mock-salute.

  Raph entered the dining room. “Did anything terrifying happen here?” He said curiously.

  “Hm…Oh yeah. We fought off mutant frogs.” You said, nodding at the memory. “They were all named after conquerors and they hated humans. …One of them talked like Napoleon Dynamite….not that you’d know that reference…”

  “Ha, what?” Raph chuckled. “Our lives sound weird. What other things did we do?”

  “Oh they very much were.” You nodded. “Let’s see…what other shit did we do? Uhm…there was this one time when you got your brain swapped with a kraang, that one was weird.”

  “What exactly is a kraang? You’ve mentioned them before, but…”

  “Oh, right. A kraang looks like- well, here.” You pulled up a photo of a snarling kraang that you’d taken a selfie with. “Voila.”

  “Eww.” Raph cringed. “Why is it like…all goopy and gross?”

  “Evolution, I guess.” You said, wrinkling your nose. “Gnarly, right?”

  “So you’re tellin’ me I got my brain swapped with that thing?!” Raph said incredulously. 

  “Yup. It was pretty freaky seeing your body completely…not-like-you, but hey, we figured it out.” You chuckled.

  “Hey Raph, you might wanna see this!” Donnie said, yelling over the stair rail.

  “Uh, okay…” Raph frowned, heading towards the rope you’d hung over the caved-in stairwell. You followed after him.

  “See, lookit this-” 

  “Hey, this- this is my room!” Raph exclaimed, shoving past Donnie and into the room. “I- I remember this place! I remember sitting there,” He said, pointing at the bed, “And coming this way-” He spun out of the room and down the hall to the bathroom- “And-....oh.” He frowned, opening the bathroom door. “I…I get the weird feeling that somethin’....happened here, huh?” He said softly.

  You winced, reaching to put a hand on his shoulder, before thinking better of it. “Yeah. This is where Leo…was in his coma.”

  “...You sat with him every day, Raph, ‘till he healed.” Donnie said gently.

  Raph nodded. “Ha. I…ah…don’t remember that.”

  “Well, you did remember your room, and a piece of your old daily routine, so I’d say this is a win! Robo-high-three!” Donnie said cheerfully, holding up their hand.

  Raph wrinkled his snout “Uh…okay…” He held up his own hand, mirroring theirs,  staring at them with an awkward shrug. “Hello, three? Uh…satisfied?”

  Donnie lowered his hand. “...I shoulda seen that one coming.”

  Raph rolled his eyes, shoving his hand back into his pocket. “Whatever, Don. What was it you called me up here for, anyways?”

  “Your old sketchbook! I know you have the one from the lair, but this one  is full of all the stuff you did here!” Donnie said excitedly, handing Raph the book.

  Raph shrugged and accepted it, flipping through the pages. “Woah. These are pretty nice.” He said, starting to smile a bit.

  “Ooh, can I see?” You asked hopefully.

  “Sure.” Raph nodded, angling the book so you could see the art too.

  This page was full of the planning-stage-sketches for what you recognized to be the painting he’d done on the party van.

  “Oh dude, these rock.” You grinned.

  “Yeah…I just hope I’ll be able to…y’know.” He clenched his hand, giving it a sad stare. “Do them again someday.”

***

Day 20.

  “Well ladies and gentlefolk, turtles and others, I have gathered you all here today to present…The Donbot V.1!” Said Donnie, staring into the mirror. 

    It was a pretty nice design, if they did say so themself. It was taller than Metalhead’s model had been, standing at his usual height of 5 '6-to-5' 8-ish, and was made of a dark green steel he had salvaged back in the city. In a burst of inspiration, they had added purple accent lights.

  For the first time in days, they didn’t feel so wrong about looking into the mirror. The face that stared back at him wasn’t his, really, but it was…closer. The blank face felt somehow more comfortable than Metalhead’s imitation-turtle one.

They shook their head, chuckling to themself slightly. If only he were presenting his invention to a crowd of scientifically minded peers instead of to his friend and his brother. Then he might prepare something flashy and exciting, presentation-wise. 

  But alas, it was the end of the world.

  So instead, he simply glanced at themself one more time before leaving the bathroom, revealing his new body without any fanfare.

  You patted his shell and said they looked ‘rad as hell’. Raph shot him a wary look, but it went away fast, and soon enough Raph was congratulating him too- albeit, with a bit of mild confusion.

  Ironically, the brother that would have once understood better than anyone what it feels like to be in a body you don’t want….just happened to be the brother who had recently forgotten that he usually had dysphoria. 

  Donnie supposed that in a post apocalyptic world where gender was so irrelevant that Raph hadn’t even realized he was trans, it wouldn’t even occur to Raph to be dysphoric. (Hm. Maybe the end of the world had its good sides!)

  But secretly, selfishly, a twisted part of Donnie wished that Raph was still in the state of mind to relate to them. It was unfair, and a cruel thing to wish on his brother. Logically, Donnie knew that. But maybe a part of them wanted to just…feel a little bit more understood. Less like an alien. 

  It wasn’t like he didn’t notice the way you and Raph flinched when he entered the room, looking at them like he was some- some thing. Some freak. Maybe a cruel voice in the pits of his now-wire-filled stomach whispered things about how much he wished Raph remembered how it felt, how much a part of him wished you had been mutated in the explosion  so someone, anyone would understand the soul-crushing loneliness of not being in the right body-

  Shit. That was dark. Maybe he was losing more of his humanity than he’d initially theorized-

  Donnie swallowed their thoughts and opened the fridge, only to close it again upon remembering that he was physically incapable of eating,

***

Day 21.

  “AAAAUGHH!” Raph screamed, dropping to his knees on the dead grass. He threw his arms around his stomach- something in his guts felt like something had crawled in there and died and oh shit was this that girl thing?

  “Raph! Are you okay?!” Said Donnie, dropping his bo staff and rushing over.

  “Ow- ow- shit- Donatello, I-I gotta take a -oh- a -ow- a break from practicin’.” Raph grunted, using Donnie’s arm to pull himself up. 

  Time to go fucking deal with this now, he supposed. Just what his stupid life needed right now.

***

Day 24.

  “AAAAIIIEEE!” Raph screeched, chucking the stupid fucking salad prongs across the room.

  “Raph! Dude!” You snapped. “Look, I know you’re frustrated but ya can’t expect to get it right the first time!”

  “Well it’s NOT my first time using sais, is it? Aren’t I supposed to have some kinda muscle memory or whatever?!” He snapped back.

  “Raph, bud, bear with me- you lost your memory, hon’.” You sighed. “You gotta be patient with yourself.”

  “Maybe my self needs to hurry up already.” Raph said, crossing his arms. 

  See, it would be one thing if he’d entirely forgotten how to use his sais. But the thing was- he did remember. He remembered the feeling of their leather, he remembered spinning them and smirking at himself in the bathroom mirror, he remembered holding them in his fists and destroying things and how satisfying it was- but he couldn’t do those things anymore.

  It was just as fucking pointless to try as drawing had been.

  Shit, there were tears in his eyes.

  “You okay, Rafa?” You said gently, doing that annoying thing you did where you reached for him. He always let himself hope that you would actually follow through with it this time…he wasn’t sure why, exactly, but it always felt like a stab to his metaphorical heart everytime you lowered your hand instead of patting him on the shoulder or squeezing his hand or giving him a hug or anything oh good lord he’d take anything- You lowered your hand again, and yet again he felt something shatter in his chest. (Why did he still bother to hope? He’d just thrown his sais in anger. Of course you were nervous around him.)

  He rolled his eyes. “Yeah, whatever, (Y/N). I’m fine.”

  “...Okay…well…I’m here to talk if you need me, y’know?” You said, smiling softly.

  “I don’t wanna talk.” He grumbled. I want a hug, I want warmth, I want someone to say everything is gonna be okay-

  You nodded, staring at him sadly. “...Okay.”

  You left the makeshift dojo, leaving him alone with the blank walls of what had once been a living room.

  Raph wiped his eyes and glared at your retreating figure, half-aware that his anger was misplaced. It wasn’t like you’d done anything other than be understanding and supportive…but still.

***

Day 25.

  “BACK OFF!” Raph yelled, glaring at the robot.

  “Raph, it’s okay, it’s me, your brother! Donatello!”

  Raph had brothers?

  …No, that didn’t sound right- this robot was probably here to hurt him- a vague memory of fighting a similar robot flashed through his mind, reaffirming his certainty that this thing was bad and dangerous and wanted to hurt him-

  He bit back a whimper as the robot got closer, instead snarling as viciously as he could. “Get away from me ya fucking toaster.”

  The robot stepped back.

  Huh. The…robot stepped back…?

  The robot in his memory shifted into a turtle with a worried look on his face and a gap in their teeth and a purple mask.

  Donatello.

  Oh…right. This was Donatello. His brother. He was at the farmhouse with you and Donatello….Donatello who was a robot now.

  “Shit.” Raph mumbled, staring at the robot that was Donatello. “I…I did it again, huh?” 

  “RAPH! DEE! Jeez, are you guys okay?! I heard yellin’ and-'' You said, slamming the door open. The kitchen door. Raph was in the kitchen. The farmhouse kitchen.

  “Just…another incident. Don’t worry about it.” Raph muttered sullenly, wiping the spit off his mouth that he must’ve gotten from all the animalistic hissing.

  “Ah.” You said. “Are you both…okay then?”

  Donnie nodded wordlessly, ducking out of the room with his head down and shoulders slumped.

  Raph scowled, hugging his knees to his chest. “Same as I usually am, I guess.”

  “So…not great?” You frowned.

  “Not great.” He confirmed.

  “Ah.” You leaned forwards hesitantly, hand outstretched. 

  This time Raph didn’t even flinch when you inevitably lowered it and followed Donatello out of the room. He just shoved his face into his kneepads and tried really hard not to cry.

***

  Donnie slipped outside, staring out at the wasteland that used to be a forest.

  Raph had forgotten him again. 

  Honestly, they didn’t know why it hurt so much. It wasn’t the first or even the second or third time Raph had forgotten him…but Raph went into the feral mode around Donnie way more than he did around you. 

  And logically, Donnie knew exactly why that was. You looked the same as you always did, albeit more battered and less smiley, while he, Donnie, looked entirely different. He was entirely different. 

  His sensors picked you up behind him on the porch.

  “Hey.” They said glumly.

  “Hey Dee.” You said, sitting on the porch steps next to him.

  “I don’t think the world will ever heal again, (Y/N).” Donnie said softly. 

  Your eyes grew glossy (although maybe they already had been), and you looked away from them. “...I know.”

  “I miss everyone so much.” He whispered.

  “Me too.” 

  “Casey and I first became friends in that barn…April kissed me by the stump…” He said, trailing off. He put a hand on his face, remembering where Casey had first kissed him. That had also been at the farmhouse…

  God, they missed Casey and April.

  You nodded. “Me and Raph once buried a dead turtle over there…it used to be the prettiest part of the yard.” You said bitterly, pointing towards the spot where the pond had been just a month ago. Now it was reduced to another patch of dry, dying grass.

  “So it was a turtle? I thought you guys killed someone.” Donnie said, only half joking- They remembered vaguely how he’d walked in on Leo lecturing a guilty-looking you and Raph on ‘honorability’ one morning. They’d glanced outside to see a suspicious grave outside that hadn’t been there the night before, and put two and two together…nice to know that it was just an unmutated turtle.

  “Yeah…Raph thought it was like, a blow to his masculinity or something to tell you guys that he cared about animals.” You said with a snort. 

  “Well that’s stupid, we all know he loved animals. He was like a Disney princess around them.” Donnie said, shaking their head. 

  “Yeah…very true.” You smiled. 

  “What do you plan on doing about your whole….thing with Raph, anyways?” They said, changing the subject in hopes of distracting their thoughts from existential dread.

  You sighed, running a hand down your face. “Fuck, man. I don’t know. Like…I love him so much, but it’s not fair for me to right now. He’s vulnerable and scared and doesn’t even know who we are half the time…how can I put the pressure of a relationship, or even the implications of a past relationship, on him right now? That’s just…so unfair. Plus, we’re the only people he has right now. What if he thinks not liking me will mean us…like, kicking him out or something fucked up like that? What if he tries to force himself to feel the same just out of guilt? What if-”

  “Well first off, overthinking things? That’s my job, stay outta my turf.” Donnie teased. You smiled slightly. “Secondly- who says you have to tell him? Because you really don’t.”

  “Well, he’s not dumb, Don- he’s figured out that I’m hiding something.” You said dryly.

 “Are you though? Because I’m pretty sure you’ve been fairly honest about things- he’s your best friend. He always was. Just say ‘yeah we were like close or something’, you know? It’s not like you guys ever kissed or anything, at least not much, so it’s not much of a stretch.” Donnie suggested.

  You nodded. “Yeah…I guess you’re right…who knew you were so good with relationship advice?”

  “Nah, I just know you and Raph pretty well.” He chuckled.

  You smiled, putting an arm around his shoulders in a side hug. “Thanks Don.”

  “Hey, thanks for distracting me from my existential dread.” They snorted, hugging you back.

***

  Day 35.

  “What if I can’t feel feelings?” Said Donnie, lying awake next to you.

  “Hnnghh…Go to sleep Donnie.” You grunted, pulling your blanket tighter around your shoulders.  It may have been more secure and safe to have all three of you stationed in the Shellraiser rather than the house, but man, between Raph’s snoring and Donnie’s shitty sleep schedule that you knew full well he had programmed himself to have, it certainly made sleeping hard.

  “But what if this is all a dream! What if I died and this is a severely messed up dream I’m having in my last few minutes of life?”

  “Shut up Donatello.” Raph groaned, trying to muffle Don’s voice with a blanket.

  “What if I'm in a coma and I’m dreaming this and the Earth is actually fine?”

  “Go to sleep, broooo…” You moaned, covering your ears with a pillow.

  “I don’t usually go into sleep mode for another…mmm…two hours.” Donnie said. “Damn…sleep mode! (Y/N), I’m not a person anymore, am I?!”

  “Donatello. Buddy. Pal. I love you dearly. You are a beautiful,  fantastic, brilliant person. Let me fucking sleep.” You hissed.

  “...Mmm…Okay. G’night.” There was a click, and Don-bot powered down.

  “Oh thank god.” Raph grunted, shoving his face into his pillow.

  He proceeded to snore incredibly loudly.

  You groaned. 

***

  You blinked your eye open at the sudden silence.

Raph had somehow wound up with his arms tightly wrapped around your arm in his sleep. He was shivering, which made sense considering the cold.

  You were tempted to pry him off so that he wouldn’t be awkward or uncomfortable when he woke up. But he looked so peaceful, and you missed this…

  Plus you were too tired to do anything. So maybe you’d let him stay…

  You’d pry him off before morning though.

***

Day 37.

  Raph was pretty sure that Past Raph had had the hots for you. He’d finished reading through his old sketchbook, and it was full of little paragraphs in the margins and crossed out text where he could just barely make out the word ‘(Y/N)’. 

  He supposed it made sense. He may not have remembered too much of his life, but he had a decent recollection of what pretty people looked like- and you definitely fit that category. Plus, you were funny and cool and sweet….not that it mattered much nowadays. 

  After all, Past Raph and Current Raph’s circumstances were vastly different. So maybe a part of him was tempted to bug you for more info…but he knew enough to just let it be. 

  That was the Old World. 

  In the New World, trivial things like relationship status mattered very little. 

  (Still, was it really asking so much to have someone who’d hug him? Was he so wrong to wish for a hand on the shoulder once or twice, the way you always were in those goddamned photos?)

  (Meh, probably.)

  He hugged himself, staring up at the ceiling. 

  “Oh hey, you’re awake!” You grinned, poking your head into the Shellraiser. “Mornin’ Sleeping Beauty! Breakfast is inside if you want it.”

  Raph sat up slowly. “Okay…”

  “How’re you doing?” You said as you led him across the yard. It was still cold and dark out, and Raph shivered.

  “...Tired.” He grunted.

  “Understandable.” You nodded. “I’ve been pretty tired too, but it’s so hard to sleep when it’s so freakin’ cold at night and like, a million degrees the instant the sun rises.” You complained, passing him a plate of eggs from the remaining unmutated chickens. 

  “Says you, the one who's warm-blooded.” Raph teased.

  “Oh shit, you must be so cold at night!” You said, seeming to have just remembered that Raph was a reptile. 

  “Freezing.” Raph nodded. 

  “Maybe Don can build a heat lamp!” You suggested. “They’re still in sleep mode right now, but we can ask when he wakes up.”

  Raph perked up. “Wait, that exists?”

  “Yeah, shit- I can’t believe I didn’t think of that like…forever ago. I guess I forgot that you’re cold-blooded…and now that Donnie is…non-blooded, it must’ve slipped their mind too…I’m so sorry Rafa!” You exclaimed.

  “Wait. So this WHOLE TIME I could’ve NOT frozen my tail off every night?!” Raph groaned.

  You shrugged weakly. “...Yup.

  “This is so stupid.” He sighed, stabbing his eggs with one of his sais.

  “Dude…you're using that as a fork?” You cringed.

  Raph scowled. “Well it’s not like I know how to use it as a weapon anymore.”

  “But…but…Raph you have stabbed through people with those! There is no way that that’s even slightly sanitary!” You squeaked.

  He shrugged and ate his breakfast off the end of the sai. 

  You looked ill. “You are… such a teenage boy. Please stop.”

  He sighed but swapped the sai for a fork. “Okay, okay. Jeez.”

  “Thank you.” You groaned, patting his shoulder unconsciously.

  And suddenly it felt like his brain had short circuited.

  Oh god, he remembered you. 

  How could he have ever forgotten you?! All the memories shot into his brain at record speed- sitting on a fire escape with your arm around his shoulders, spray painting the side of TCRI, making fun of Casey and Donnie’s crushes on April, beating up bad guys, the look on your face- that toothy grin that you never ever wore theses days, a familiar hand resting comfortingly on his shoulder- and oh god, he remembered you!

  “I- I…(F/C)!” He gasped. You jerked your hand away guiltily, but he caught it before you could. “(Y/N). Your favorite color is (F/C)!”

  “W-what?” You said, eyes wide.

  “(Y/N) I remember! I-I remember you! Not everything probably, but- but I remember you!” He exclaimed, gripping your hands in his.

  Your eyes widened even further. “Raph, you- what?!”

  He grinned and hugged you to his chest as tightly as he could. Tentatively, you relaxed into it, rubbing his shell gently.

  “I remember you!” He exclaimed. 

  You nodded, still looking baffled. “Like…what?”

  “I remember how we met- I fell onto your fire escape! A-and I remember eating breakfast here with you and talking about…well, something, probably, but it was definitely here at this table! And I remember…I had this pet turtle, right? I think his name was…Slash? No! Spike! Slash was the mutant…? Whatever! I remember you sitting….uh…there, by that broken window, and I drew this picture!” He grinned, holding up a page in his sketchbook. It was a portrait of you, with soft shading and a bold outline. 

  “Woah, Raph?! You just- remember all this?!” You said, still staring in disbelief.

  “Bits and pieces, yeah- I think it was ‘cause you…you know, touched me. It’s like…muscle memory? I dunno. Might hafta ask Donnie…”

  “Raph!” You grinned, hugging him tightly. “I just- wow! This is so cool, I-”

  “Woah, are we interrupting somethin’?” Said a familiar voice.

  You and Raph jolted into defensive positions, hopping up to face the person-

  And then your brain seemed to short-circuit.

  “Casey?” You squeaked. “CASEY!”

  “(Y/N)! RAPH! Dude I can’t believe we finally found you!” Casey shrieked just as loud, diving in to grab you and Raph in a messy group hug.

  You grinned, hugging your friends close. “Casey Jones, I’m so glad you’re okay- fuck man, I thought you must’ve gotten kraang-ifed…”

  Raph pulled away, staring at Casey. “You’re…the skeleton dude- Casey Jones?”

  “Uh, no duh- who else would I be?! Casey Jones is in the flesh babeeyy!” He grinned, pumping his fist.

  “Raph…uh…hit his head in the mutagen bomb, Case’.” You mumbled, and Casey’s grinning facade shattered.

  “Oh. Shit.” He said, staring at Raph. “Do you remember…like…anything?”

  Raph shrugged dejectedly. “...Some of it. I remember…you and I would spray paint, I think? I remember a lotta (Y/N) apparently…I’ve got some vague recollections of Donatello, mostly their nerd-stuff…”

  “Jeez man. That’s…depressing as fuck.” Casey said, blunt as he’d always been.

  “Yeah.” Raph grunted.

  “So…is it just you?” You asked, fearing the worst.

  “Naw, I just found you guys first.” Casey  smiled. “Red n’ Angel are searching upstairs…but I hear them coming down right….now.” He said, nodding right as the sound of two people tripping and falling off the treacherous stair-rope Donnie had installed.

  “Oooh.” You and Casey winced.

  “How ‘bout you? Any sign of the others? …Where’s Donnie?” Casey’s voice lowered for the latter, in an anxious tremor.

  “Dee’s….fine. They just…look different than they did last time…you saw them. And…they’re pretty insecure about it.” You mumbled.

  “Casey! Casey, we found evidence of someone upstairs- (Y/N)?! Raph!” April said, running into the kitchen as she noticed you. “You guys are here!”

  “C’mon O’Neil, rule one of bein’ a ninja is ‘Don’t ever question the vague instructions you get from graffiti’. Didja ever doubt it?” You teased, grinning.

  “I-I was so worried, guys! I thought that since my psychic powers stopped working-”

  “Woah, how’d that happen?”

  “Too many big auras now. They’re impossible to tell apart…trying just gives me a headache.” April explained. “But I thought it meant that you might’ve been dead…” She whispered, and Casey put an arm around her shoulders.

  “Woah. So this is your turtle, Case’?” Said a new voice, and a teenage cat mutant leaned into the kitchen. “Hi.”

  Raph only grunted in response, and the cat mutant that must’ve been Angel nodded. “Fair.”

  “So where is Dee then?” Casey said.

  “Shellraiser. In…uh…sleep mode.” You said. “I’ll go get him…but would you guys mind…shit this sounds wimpy. But could you guys…come with me?” You muttered. A part of you was 100% convinced that the instant you left them they would all fade away.

  But Casey, who would usually make fun of you for such a childish request, slung his other arm around your shoulders- and you realized he probably felt exactly the same. 

  “Sure thing.” He said, smiling softly.

  “Thanks guys.” You beamed.

  You were finally smiling the way you did in the photographs.

  Raph couldn’t help but smile too. 

***

  When Donnie woke up from sleep mode on Day 37 of the Mutant Apocalypse, he was greeted by four familiar faces- two of which were the only faces he’d seen at all in the past month, and two of whom were what convinced him that they were probably somehow dreaming. 

  But they were a robot, and dreaming wasn’t physically possible anymore.

  So that meant this must, somehow, be real.

  “Hey Donnie.” Said April, smiling at him, and he wanted to cry even though he didn’t have eyes.

  “‘Sup Don.” Said Casey, grinning his gap-toothed grin that looked so much like Donnie’s old one.

  “You’re here.” Donnie whispered, feeling his new antennae shoot up. “Holy chalupa you’re HERE?!” 

  You smiled, helping him up. “Hey Dee, I forgot to tell ya- we’ve got company.”

  Donnie stared at the humans. They were here. He had so many questions, but most importantly-

  “D’you guys like the new look?” He chuckled, only half joking.

  Casey shrugged. “It’s different, but it looks metal as fuck.”

  “Yeah that’s ‘cause it is metal, ya meathead.” Said Raph, smiling.

  “It looks so cool Dee.” April said, smiling warmly. 

  Donnie really really wished they could still emote right about now, because the dopey grin that they would have grinned for that was unreal.

***

Day 40.

  You and Raph lay on the roof of the farmhouse, watching the red sun set, leaving the sky that weird glowing purple color that it had begun to adopt.

  (It really did remind you of some of those old Space Heroes episodes.) 

  “I really miss the stars.” You said lightly. “But I guess this is sorta pretty too, huh? In like…a weird way.”

  “Hey, isn’t that true for all of this shit?” Raph said. “I really miss the stuff in those photos, those glimpses I get of the life we had before…but hey. In a weird…sort of fucked up way…this life is kinda nice too. Don’t get me wrong. It’s really frustrating, I hate my brain most of the time, and I’m like 90% convinced that I’ll never really be the same person…but at least I’m not alone in it, y’know?” He sighed.

  You took his hand, squeezing it gently, and he squeezed back, and continued. “I’ve got you and Donnie. I guess now I’ve got Casey, Angel, and April too, and if they survived, who's to say my brothers didn’t?”

  You nodded. “Yeah…I guess if we’re out here on this road to nowhere, there’s no one who I’d rather have on my side.” You chuckled half-heartedly. “Still sucks though.”

  “Yeah, it really does.” Raph agreed.

  You smiled and pulled him into a side hug, suddenly swallowed by bittersweet nostalgia for those days when the biggest threat was Shredder.

  But hey, Raph had a point. 

  At least the outcome, well perhaps a huge downgrade from the breathtaking beauty of the stars, was still sorta pretty.

  At least you were on the road to nowhere together.

***

Author's note: I am so glad that Mutant Apocalypse was made into an AU. If it had wound up as the canon ending, that would be...messed up, man. But I like it as an AU, and I hope you've enjoyed journeying through it with me- it's a sad sad ride, but boy did I have fun writing it.

[international-intelligence-inc]

Something strange and amazing came true

Well here we are. William Sorchinski a very honest man in working in an evil nest of wasps and hornets (such a shame). God Rest His Soul in Piece. Its been half a century since I have made it my only mission. What mission? The mission to find out why Former West Milford Detective Harry J Shortway set me up to be shot as the FBI in their old former secret meeting place right at the railroad tracks in back of Dominos. How do I know this fact? AKA "Great Pumpkin, Mr William Sorchinski picked me up at the sleazy rooming house owned by organized criminal FUDGIE and his kids whom still all live in the sleazy vermin infested place even though Fudgies father left him tons a cash. The rooming house is to the left or right of the realroad track in Pompton Lakes, New Jersey. Anyway, I lived there for a while. William Sorchinski, picked me up in 1990 and met me by Dominos' pizza in the front of the FBI seceret location which housed at least 50 agents. We entered the place and took out seats and over about 15 FBI AGENTS TOLD ME "Harry j shortway used an add he placed in the Surburban Trends Newspaper to set me up to be raped and shot dead." The thing the only thing saving my life they told me (the agents of the FBI) they said was me going to an old Irish Bar called McAges on Macopin Road in Bloomingdale NJ USA the night before and I got so *ucked up and drunk I "missed me appointment with death and the man who "set me up for his organized crime family, HARRY J SHORTWAY. They told me to always stay at ;east 100 miles from Harry which is wherefore I threatened Governor Murphy and had to do one year in jail. I wrote him for ten years telling him Shortway j keeps trying to munrder me and please move me on state housing away from #clifton #newjersey but #governormurphy for the ten years I remained and ev ery other week was torturted and almost killed there by my landlord Jayesh Ranev andIndian without the polive taking ANY INCIDENT REPRT WHATSOEV ER NOW PLACES GOVERNOR MURPHY IN TEH MIX AS TO WHY HE LEFT MEN THERE TO BE MURDERED AND TORTURED UNTIL THE POINT I WAS SWIMMING FOR MY LIFE ACROSS NOT THE ENGLISH CHANNEL BUT THE HUDSONO RIVER TO SAVE MY LIFE THAT NIGHT. #DON ARNOLD STARK MY FIANCEECFOR 22 YEARS CONFESSED TO ME MTY SO WANTED ANSWERS TWO DAYS BEFORE DYING. HDERE IS WHAT HE SAID. BY THE WAY NICOLA STURGEON, DONT CALL ME A LIAR BECAUSE i DROVE ALL THE WAY TO FORT DIX US ARMY BASE AND JOHN THE HEAD OF ALL INTERNAL AFFAIRS AND A HANDFUL OF ATTORNEYS IN MORRISTOWN WOULD NOT TAKE THE CASE ABOUT POLICE BEATING MY HEAD BLOODY AGAINST MY WILL ON BACK OF RYAN MACHINE COMPANY IN WEST MILFORD NJ USA IN 1990 HARRY SHORTWAY.

[tears-of-boredom]

watched Space Oddity(2023), and god do i relate to traumatised white boys constantly on the verge of breaking down. like i am not kidding at all and yes i am aware that i need therapy. but i cannot heal when my mother is still relevant to my life. as soon as i dont need her, i am never fucking contacting her again oh my god. imagine if i got to do that someday. i got free from this fucking household and coulod start trying to heal. wouldnt that be so fucking amaxing. i relate to traumatised people who are constantly on the verge of a breakdown. wonder fucking why you have like three guesses. and now im fucking typing through my breakdown because i need attention because no one gavwe me any when i was a child except uimm sdtill a fucking child and .............what the fuck am i doing....i feel so stupid for feeling sad, because im on my period. and for some reason it makes me feel like my feelings have no basis, and that my hormones are just creating shit so i can cry. i fucking want to be frree of this shit. i want to wake up and be happy that i can do things i enjoy. most of the time i have no idea what things i even enjoy. i guess saving. i like saving money. because my whole life ive lived in poverty. and its really hard to do that and not feel like a wasteful piece of shit when you put 5 meters of string into the trash. i wasnt gonna use it. no one was gonna use it.

why does my hormonal cycle have so much power over me.

why do i deserve the biggest room in this house. my moms bed is in the living room. why the fuck did they let me have this room. i dont even use it for anything. i just toss all my stuff on the ground and am too laxzy to clean them upo. why the fuck do i feel like this. im gonna take off mty glases.

whhat if i was dissociating for most of my life as a trauma response and thats why ive always felt so detached and isolated from everything. i fucvking hate. i have no fucking i dea what but i just hate. this is why i dont beleive in a higher powerl. why do i gotta bring my atheist shit into everything oh my god im so fucking annnoying and i think its ill get so much pity if i acknowledge shit like that........ ...why must i be like this. i taught our cat to go outside on a leash and now i havent taken him in months. my mom always talks about me as if im like especially good with animals somehow, and i dont think its true. its more like im on base level, and everyone else is so fucking ignorant of their pets. they cant even fucking tell when theyre scared for their life and then they laught at the cat ewhen its clearly trying to escape like its life is at risk,.. i am talking about my mom. i dont like her. and i dont think the adults in my life realise that i cant fuclking heal if i continue my life associating with her. ive tried to fucking tell them. i said that the biggest problem in our family is that i dont like any of them. i was lying because i couldnt breing myself to single out my mom.

why do adults think that living with a family you hate is exactly the same as having a co-worker you dont get along with that well. they are fucking idiots. adults are so fucking stupid why to they get toi contreol everything oh ym gosl.-.ö okay im going to fucking puncvh my keryboard if i dont stopp..... tell me to stop i cant do it myself hold on uhh...................................................................... okay lets opklay a fun game of ending a sentence in the middle of it isnt that soooo funny ahahahhaahahuahh anyways so i hate-

[ralfmaximus]

mergency

o crap not much tiem mus akt fass to save my frend befor he drownds.

i stand ther liek an idyot for a minnit becuas i cant remember how i got heer or whut i was doin befor this horribal thing happend. i shook my hed, an that seems too help a little. I suddenly get stronger, think clearer, and in a split moment of realization it's all pretty obvious what I need to accomplish. But somethin is wrong cus as soon as i think this my hed gets wavy again and thinking is hard. maybe im hurt too?

i check for blud on my hed, no blud, but still... i shake my head again and once more, things stabilize. I remember my plan, remember something else that's critical, and with horror realize only seconds remain. I haf to akyt fass. o crap, o shit, so...

anyway kiwkly i jump in an swim down (deep breff!) and wayy down deep i push my hed into th car an grab him (gentl!) aroun the upper arm carefil not to hurt him any worser since his arm it looks broken and thers blood evryware. the car, it shiffs an sinks beneeth us and my foot gets caut for a split secon, and i think this is it, weer gonna drownd for shure now, but i shake my leg and it comes free an the car disapeers away from site in th murkee depfs below.

i break the surface in a moment of reborn clarity, lungs exploding, my own weird impairment/injury forgotten. I am strong; coordinated. I paddle with my charge in tow, but falter as th weird slkowness krept bak into mty hed n cant think sooo fukkin tyird plees giv mee strenth, but no...

suddnly strong hans are thare, lifting my frend an me liek we way nuthin, drippin sodden wet, layin on th shore, panting liek dawgs and i see he's gettin help, th nice parymediks ar givin treetments, and that's when my final moment of clarity and reason kicks in, before the emergency drugs wear off, before i remember what i am, that i am jus a stoopid dawg what got sum smart drugs for th mergency so i cud help my frend and now its all gone an i m jus

im jus

a stoopid fukkin dawg

im sorry

i lov u

woof

[ancientbrit]

Natter #3  12th June 2020

Gordon Polson <ancientbrit2@gmail.com> Fri, Jun 12, 11:12 PM   My Dad moved us from Essex (east of London) to Surrey (Southwest of London) when I was 3 months old (there's that steel-trap memory again) Mty Dad's sister Kate moved in next door with daughter Joyce and Uncle Jim. Joyce and my sister Joan were the same age - three years my senior. Uncle Jim was something of a character even though he was right under the thumb. To stay sort of independent he had a workshop at the bottom of the back garden and he built a greenhouse nearby. Uncle Jim was a good gardener and he came up with a great method of getting seeds off to a fast start by placing a seed tray directly above a roasting pan filled with water. The roasting pan was held in a sealed box containing a light bulb. The bulb heated the water, warming the seed tray evenly and maintaining an even moisture content. Ergo the seeds germinated very quickly and the seedlings grew away.Being a gardener and living fairly close by Kew Gardens, he wanted to visit and I was one of the beneficiaries when he took Joyce and me to see the whole garden. This was around 1941 when I was seven and Kew made an enormous impact on me. There was the Chinese Pagoda and the Palm House - an enormous glasshouse which had palms which had grown out through the roof. Inside the Palm House are the huge Victoria water lillies with their enormous round leaves which are capable of supporting the weight of a fully grown man.One thing that truly made a lasting impression on me was when I saw bananas for the very first time - still on the tree. These were distributed to hospitalized children with intake restrictions. The atmosphere in the Palm House was also memorable too, being humid and warm and it was probably the first time I could remember being thoroughly warm due to the effects of fuel rationing.Of course, coming outside again felt awful. It was obviously much colder and the humidity on your clothing dried off, sucking heat from you for a time. Uncle Jim was also something of a chrysanthemum addict and he raised some magnificent blooms, which lined the central path from the top to the bottom of the garden in pots.When the family went on holidays I was given the job of looking after these beauties and also the greenhouse. This was really my first experience of working in a greenhouse and I loved it. When Jean and I were first married back in 1963 we moved into a new house that had a generous sized garden. The house was located at the end of a cul-de-sac on one of the corners, so of course, the garden opened up radially. I wanted a greenhouse, remembering Uncle Jim's and my Dad's down in Devon. When we visited my parents, after the usual greetings and hugs, I used to go straight through the house, into the garden and into the lovely atmosphere of his greenhouse.Talking to him about my proposed purchase he advised thinking hard about what I intended to use the greenhouse to grow, calculate what size that made, and then double it. It doesn't seem to matter what size you finally buy - it is never big enough.I finally settled on 20' x 10' as I certainly had the room. The structure was of Redwood which has a similar reputation to Cedar for resistance to rot. When the boxes of goodies arrived I was so excited to get it built, but it took a little more than the weekend I had put aside for that purpose. I did add to the work during the week and finished the following weekend, but just later I was working ridiculous hours, 7 - 9 seven days a week, week after week and I was unable to do anything with the greenhouse apart from planting tomatoes by moonlight.At the end of this year I was sent to Atlanta in Georgia with a load of my friends to finish off the work we had been doing on Lockheeds C5-A  wing design. Our wives came with us and we had a wonderful time, travelling all over on weekends, managing to get badly sunburned sometimes in the process.Our work took us about six months and we then returned home to the UK where we found that the company had nothing to offer us - except a contract with Boeing on the 747. This was a whole new area of the States and Jean and I thought about for a very short time and signed up.I came over via Vancouver in August, Jean followed on the 20th of December, just in time to catch her breath before we hosted a large Christmas Dinner. I have never been allowed to forget this - understandably. We bought into the oldest house on Mercer Island - built in 1906, which we loved. Loads of garden where I kept bees and raised veggies and fruit Then came 1972 and Boeing famously lowered the boom. I was very lucky as I had quit some months before and was now working downtown with a firm of Architects and engineers. During the five years here our daughter Heather put in an appearance and we had to return home again as we still had our original house and the mortgage interest rate had been rising over that five years. Partly to counter that rise we had been forced to rent out the house which we did with great reluctance, having seen the state that rented houses were left in after the renters left. Our renter was deliberately nasty - he was just a few sandwiches short of a picnic. He was interested in keeping birds - which he accommodated in the greenhouse. Of course, when the first warm and sunny day arrived, the vents opened and the birds flew south for the winter. Not to be beaten, this hobbyist fixed the automatic vents by nailing them shut. Although this didn't break the glass, the next warm day did. The vents strained to open against the nails and finally, not to be denied, they burst the vent frames apart, shattering the glass. Eventually, we decided to sell and return to Mercer Island, but I wanted to bring another greenhouse with us, but because it was going to have to travel I decided to opt for an extruded aluminium, powder-coated structure of the same 20' x 10' size which I had never been able to find time to use.It also was ordered with the same four automatic roof vents as the original.The saga of it's long time in-crate and subsequent construction I have Nattered about before, si I won't repeat it.Now my greenhouse is doing well, apart from gradually being overshadowed by trees and bushes and I have some judicious pruning to undertake. Before I forget, there is a possibility that we might be holding our September plant sale at the BBG. There will not be an accompanying education part and it all depends on the Governor putting phases 3 & 4 into effect.Also, because it has been sprung at the last minute - sort of -  I am sure that there are few who have much in the way of stock to bring to such a sale. Since NPA was considering their own sale around the same time at the same place, I checked with them and we will be able to use a stall at the combined event. As I said, this is dependant on the Gov.making the appropriate decisions, which of course are dependant on the infection rate going down. Quite honestly, I cannot imagine that happening following the closeness of all those demonstrators, many, if not all of them shouting and yelling, expelling breath and CV19 if any were infected. Many wore no masks and I think that infection rates have to rise. They have already started to climb again in a couple of places and it seems inevitable to me. Sorry to be a Jonah but I am just running the idea and my thoughts up the flagpole, so that if I come to you a little later and ask if you have any decent plants that would reflect well on us at a sale you won't ge able to say you didn't know. See how I am?This is all a little different to the Natter I intended to send. The original one was 80% completed a couple of days ago when it suddenly disappeared. I have no idea what if any key I hit or what happened to it, but gone it was - and is, not to be found anywhere. I don't think that computers and I are sympatico somehow and I am sure everybody out there is saying how the heck can he keep losing stuff like this? But this time I was not dumping stuff deliberately to grab back my memory. Incidentally my recent appeal for anybody with Natters on hand that could let me have them has been magnificent. Janet sent me a stream from the whole of 2015, Horst has 90 of them saved and Jo & Tom delivered a flash drive to the house containing 126 Natters - count 'em - 0ne hundred and twenty-six. I think that they are safe, so thank you all so much.Your fearless and overjoyed leader,Gordon

[minijenn]

Universe Falls Chapter 46

Bleh so yeah a short kinda whatever chapter, but that’s fine at least its over with cause I’m excited about Society of the Blind Eye and I wanna just get there already but still, this chapter is decent enough I suppose. B plots pretty cool so that’s something. Enjoy!

Previous: http://minijenn.tumblr.com/post/168620833619/universe-falls-chapter-45

Chapter 46: Keeping It Together

ZI FIAW, ZI VHBBOY, GO JTK NH EFVMJX HBPQQHRYW OUG GVOQ, UGD UHYYPOEEP WTN GTWY BTF XZINGU MA GTKR MTY URNOQMM GRFE WHWRK GHWEE MTY FAFLUPX WRBSBM OS MTY WINFAHWS' CHIYK

“We need to track down Peridot,” Garnet addressed the collection of Gems and kids sitting before her in the temple’s living room, her tone steady, firm, and authoritative. The Gem leader had figured that more than enough time had passed since the invasion for them to be getting back to business, namely by curtailing one of the few lose ends still left over from it. And as far as they were all concerned, it was their responsibility to tie that end up for the safety of the planet as a whole. “We found her pod. We know she’s out there somewhere. She came to Earth with a job to do, and odds are, she’s still going to try and do it. That’s why I’ve gathered you all here.”

“Whoa, so this is a super serious magical meeting, then?” Mabel asked, aptly enthused. “Man, if I had known that, then I would have baked cookies for everyone!”

“I thought we were here so everyone could help me fold all this laundry,” Steven noted, nodding down to the massive pile of unfolded tee shirts that they were all sitting around.

“That too,” Garnet said, picking up a shirt and folding it up. “The chore wheel idea you had fell apart fast.”

“Wasn’t me,” Amethyst vouched, reclining back as she nodded over at the aforementioned wheel hanging on the fridge. While various housekeeping responsibilities had been divided up evenly among Steven and the Gems, Pearl had taken the liberty of crossing their names out and commandeering every single one of them.

“I just really enjoy doing all of those things,” the white Gem said with a proud smile.

“It’s better if we do them together,” Garnet asserted, giving Amethyst in particular a critical glance that prompted her to begrudgingly sit up and help.

“So… why are me and Mabel here then?” Dipper asked, somewhat lost amidst all this talk of laundry.

“Oh, mostly for the Peridot thing,” the Gem leader reiterated. “Though more hands does make the folding go by faster.”

“Ugh, humans should just stop wearing clothes,” Amethyst groaned boredly. “Be a lot funnier.”

“Hey! I’m a civilified part human, thank you very much,” Steven remarked in playfully pointed protest. “Clothing is a must.”

“Ok, but seriously, Steven, do you really have to have so many versions of the exact same shirt?” Dipper asked, holding one of the young Gem’s many star shirts up to prove his point.

“Pfft, don’t listen to him, Steven,” Mabel scoffed, rolling her eyes at her brother’s usual cynicism. “This is coming from the guy who wears the same clothes almost every day because he hates doing laundry.”

“Laundry is a waste of time,” Dipper remarked defensively, crossing his arms. “I’m a busy guy.”

“Well, I happen to like all my star shirts,” Steven grinned as he happily folded one of them. “Its guess its sorta like my look, you know? Simple, yet iconic!”

“Suuuure, it is, Steven,” Amethyst said with a wry, joking grin as she tossed another shirt over to Steven. “Still, I can’t believe I’m saying this, but Dipper might have a point about you having too many of these things. Folding them all up is so booooooooring…”

“Hm…” the young Gem mused, a growing smile spreading across his face as he happened to glance over at Garnet. “Well, its like you said, Garnet, this goes by a lot faster when we have more hands to help. So… maybe we could finish a lot sooner if Ruby and Sapphire were here!”

“Oh my gosh, yes!” Mabel readily agreed with an excited gasp. “It’d be so great to hang out with those two! It feels like its been ages since the last time we saw them!”

“Mabel, the ‘last’ time we saw Ruby and Sapphire was the first time we ever saw them,” Dipper pointed out dryly. “And that was only a few weeks ago.”

“Well it’d still be really cool to see them again!” Steven reiterated before looking to Garnet with a pleading smile. “So…? What do you say?”

“I’m sure they’d be glad to see you three,” the Gem leader remarked with a hint of an amused smirk. “But I am not unfusing for laundry.”

“Aw…” Steven and Mabel sighed in disappointed unison, their sudden hopes for seeing the Gem couple again quickly dashed.

All the same, Pearl spoke up amidst this, taking the opportunity to get the conversation back on the more pressing matter at hand. “Garnet, you don’t think Peridot would come looking for us, do you?”

“She better not, if she knows what’s good for her…” Dipper muttered disdainfully, more than ready to put his fresh sword skills to use if the green Gem came anywhere close. After all, he was still ever mindful of Peridot’s involvement in leading up to the horrible straits that Lapis was still very much in. And that was not something that he was about to forgive and forget so easily.

“We weren’t her priority,” Garnet said, as rationally as ever. “She was sent here to do something in the Kindergarten.”

“Do you think she’s still going to try to reactivate it?” Pearl asked, suddenly anxious.

“Mm… if she gets it back up and running, the injectors will turn back on…” Garnet said, her expression darkening as she said this.

“Injectors?” Steven spoke up, curious. “What are those?”

“You’re already seen them…” Pearl said with a remorseful sigh. “Well, you’ve seen them disabled.” To give a visual demonstration, she projected a hologram of her Gem, showing one of the many, massive, drill-like machines that dotted the Kindergarten. However, instead of downed and dusted, this one was erect and active as it began digging into the ground, planting something therein. “If Peridot reactivates them, they’ll pick right up where they left off, planting Gems in the crust of the Earth, where they’ll incubate and suck the life right out of the ground! We can’t let Peridot restart Gem production here. If we do, the entire planet will become…”

“Janked,” Garnet succinctly finished where Pearl had left off, eliciting surprised gasps from the kids and a rowdy laugh from Amethyst.

“Garnet! That mouth!” the purple Gem chuckled, not noticing Pearl’s still very apparent distress, which was aptly shared by all three of the kids.

“So, uh, we should probably stop her from turning those injector thingys back on then, huh?” Mabel asked, quite uneasy.

“That’s the plan,” Garnet affirmed, rising to stand. She paused though, noticing the worried looks on the faces of both the kids and her teammates as they all unanimously feared what could happen to the planet they all called home if Peridot was left to her own devices. “Don’t worry,” the Gem leader assured with a small, but confident smile. “We’ll stop her. Come on, everyone.”

“Coming!” Pearl chimed, hopping to her feet as she hurried after Garnet to the warp pad.

“As long as we don’t have to fold anything,” Amethyst remarked, gladly leaving the pile of laundry behind to the kids, who simply continued folding. After all, the Gems had made it clear that they had this situation covered, which was why they were all quite surprised when Garnet called for them.

“Steven, Dipper, Mabel,” the Gem leader beckoned with a small grin, one that Amethyst shared as she hopped onto the warp pad.

“C’mon! That means you guys too, right?” she asked, chuckling as the kids exchanged excited smiles at the open invitation, one that they knew, just a few weeks ago, the Gems would have never even extended to them.

“Woo! Gem mission time!” Mabel readily perked up, rushing over to the warp pad without delay as the boys quickly followed. “I can’t remember the last time we’ve been on one of these that didn’t involve all of us almost dying!”

“That’s because we’ve almost died on just about every one we’ve been on,” Dipper said, somewhat deadpan, though not as much as he could have been, given how disastrous the invasion itself had ended.

“Hm…” Pearl frowned upon hearing this, her worry palpable as she whispered to the Gem leader. “Garnet, are you sure we should bring the kids along with us? This could be dangerous.”

“Peridot’s got nothing we can’t handle,” Garnet promised, confident that this claim was true.

“Well, what are we waiting for?” Amethyst asked eagerly. “Let’s go mess her up!”

“O-or maybe we could just ask her nicely to stop trying to hurt the Earth!” Steven reasoned, not wanting to see things resort to violence.

“No, actually, I agree with Amethyst,” Dipper staunchly remarked. “If we have a chance to stop Peridot, then we might as well take it. No matter what we have to do.”

The others too pause upon hearing such a dark, coldly-stated resolve, all of them looking to Dipper with apt concern over it. However, before any of them could question it, the front door happened to burst open, startling everyone as a very perturbed conman bared in.

“Kids!” Stan shouted, an obviously annoyed look on his face as he caught sight of the twins accompanying the Gems on the warp pad. “What do you two think you’re doing up here?! I thought you were only gonna be up here bugging the Gems for a few minutes, not all day! We gotta get back down to the shack and restock the gift shop before people start thinking we’re having some sort of ‘clearance sale’. Ugh, just saying those terrible words makes me wanna barf.”

“Uh, actually, Grunkle Stan…” Mabel began, exchanging a tentative glance with Dipper. “We’re kinda about to go on a super important Gem mission to save the entire Earth! So…”

“So restocking the gift shop can definitely wait until we’re done with that,” Dipper finished with a bit more certainty, though he couldn’t claim to be completely confident in light of Stan’s already disapproving glower over this information.

“Oh, it can?” Stan asked, raising an eyebrow as he glanced up from the twins to look towards the Gems.

“I’ll certainly say it can!” Pearl cut in, crossing her arms. “Like Mabel said, we have very important work to do, work that, if not tended to, could result in the death of this planet and everything on it! Which means, Stan, that we have no time to deal with you or your little… gift shop dilemma.”

While Stan usually would have countered the white Gem’s condescending behavior with some kind of sharp, witty retort, instead he simply seemed to shrug it off and respond in a way almost no one had been expecting. “Alright then,” he said, his tone as calm and collected as his expression. “If this ‘mission’ or whatever it is is so important, then I guess I’ll just have to go with you guys.”

“What?!” everyone, save for Garnet, exclaimed in stunned unison at this sudden twist, their surprise only growing as the conman started to nonchalantly head towards the warp pad himself.

“You heard me,” Stan shrugged, hardly even phased by their shocked expressions as he addressed the twins in particular. “Its about time I go on one of these nutso Gem adventures with you kids. And considering what happened with that whole hand ship thing, I think I have a right to come along and make sure you two don’t get beat up by any more of those ‘Homeworld’ jerks.”

“Aw, yeah!” Amethyst exclaimed excitedly before any of the others could even react. “I’ve always wanted you to come on a mission with us, Stan! It’ll be just like a Revenge Trip, only with like, higher stakes, I guess. Still, it’s gonna be awesome!”

“Yeah, it will be!” Steven grinned, equally as enthused. “Finally, all seven of us, going on a mission together! I’ve dreamed of this day for so long now! We’re like one big, huge, super team!”

“We should call ourselves the ‘Crystal Pines’!” Mabel chimed in brightly.

“Whoa! We should!” Steven gasped, stars in his eyes. “We can make matching team tee-shirts and everything!”

“Please, no more tee shirts,” Dipper deadpanned, nodding over to the still plentiful pile of unfolded shirts still lying on the floor on the other side of the house.

“Now, hold on just a minute!” Pearl interjected hotly as the kids started to get carried away in their excitement. “Stan, you are not coming with us!”

“Oh, really?” the conman asked dryly.

“Really!” the white Gem reiterated harshly. “We’re going to track down a Homeworld Gem with intel and resources far beyond our own. This could be incredibly dangerous, and the last thing we need is for our attention to be divided because we have to keep an eye on you.”

“Keep an eye on me?” Stan repeated with a caustic scoff. “Oh, that’s rich. Maybe you don’t remember how I was the one who saved you three from that horde of zombies?”

“W-well… yes, but-”

“Or that you apparently had to be saved from those ‘dangerous Homeworld Gems’ by three kids?”

“Alright, b-but that wasn’t-”

“Seems to me like you three could use all the help you could get,” Stan concluded with an almost smug grin. “And luckily for you, I’m nice enough to offer that help, so you might as well take it.”

“Ugh, like we even need your-”

“You can come,” Garnet interupted Pearl’s bitter refusal, her expression alone showing that she was growing impatient with this ongoing debate.

“But, Garnet!” the white Gem protested amidst Steven, Mabel, and Amethyst’s shared excitement and Stan’s clear satisfaction.

“Hey, P, no butts except Stan’s up here on this warp pad!” the purple Gem quipped with a rowdy laugh.

“Yeah, you heard her,” Stan remarked triumphantly as he finally stepped onto the rather crowded warp pad. “Move over and make some room, Pearl.”

“I can’t believe this…” Pearl growled to herself, clearly quite displeased with this turn of events. Even so, she figured there was no use in arguing with it, seeing as how they had wasted enough precious time as it was. “Still, if we have to have one more along for this mission, I suppose its best to take the necessary precautions…” With a relenting sigh, her gemstone began to glow as she pulled a medium-length, thin, elegant rapier with a symmetrical, ornamental guard and a blueish tint to its glistening edge. “Dipper, here,” she said with a small smile as she handed this sword to her already amazed pupil, who was even more awestruck as she entrusted it to him out of nowhere. “That is the Ancient Sea Blade. I stole it off a Homeworld Gem during a fierce underwater battle back during the war. But I don’t have much use for it nowadays, and seeing as how this is your first real mission since you’ve been training under my tutelage, it only makes sense that you go in properly armed.”

“Whoa…” Dipper said in apt muted wonder as he held the stunning blade up for Steven and Mabel to get a better look at. “This thing is so cool! Thanks, Pearl! I promise I’ll be super careful with it.”

“I trust that you will,” Pearl nodded with warm approval.

“Oh, wow,” Stan spoke up as he sent the white Gem an unimpressed glance. “So you’re just gonna hand some deadly weapon off to my nephew while I’m standing right here? Real classy.”

“Is there a problem with that?” Pearl asked, crossing her arms and returning his scowl.

“No, not really,” the conman shrugged apathetically. “But would it have killed you to give the kid a sword that isn’t so, ya know, girly?”

“Girly?” Dipper frowned as he looked to the Ancient Sea Blade’s sleek, graceful structure again.

“I’ll have you know that sword is a steadfast, sturdy weapon that requires a skillful hand to wield and demands respect from all those in its path,” Pearl asserted to Stan pointedly. “Which, of course, is something that you would know nothing about.”

“Oh, I’ll show you ‘respect’,” Stan growled, rolling his sleeves up in preparation for a brawl, though Garnet was quick to put a stop to it.

“That’s enough,” the Gem leader said stanchly, holding her arms up to keep the white Gem and the conman apart. “We’ve already wasted enough time here. Let’s get going.”

And so, without any further arguments or deliberations, that’s exactly what they did.

The darkened, hollowed out walls of Kindergarten were just as lifeless and solemn as ever as the collective group arrived, their voices and footsteps being the only natural sounds for miles around as they began to search for Peridot. A search that initially seemed to be rather fruitless as there were no apparent signs of the green Gem, or anyone else for that matter, in sight.

“So, Stan, does this place still give ya the ‘heebie-jeebies’ just like it did when I brought you here all those years ago?” Amethyst asked with a goading grin as she elbowed him in the knee.

“Pfft, are you kidding me?” Stan scoffed, though he was still rather uneasy as he glanced around the desolate area. “This place never freaked me out. A-after all, I’ve seen plenty of dead, barren wastelands in my day.”

“Suuuure, you have,” the purple Gem quipped, rolling her eyes as she moved on ahead. “But just be sure to keep an eye out. Your never know when something’s gonna… jump out at you!” At this, she suddenly turned around, having shape shifted her face into a grotesque, monstrous appearance, one that was more than enough to elicit a startled gasp from the conman.

“Hey!” Stan shouted angrily, already chasing after the purple Gem as she broke down into heavy laughter. “Amethyst!”

“Ha! Try and catch me, ‘old man’!” Amethyst teased, vaulting over a rock as she hurried through the Kindergarten.

“Could you two please be quiet and try and take this seriously?!” Pearl fussed after both of them. “If Peridot hears either of you, she’ll be able to tell we’re coming from a mile away!” Of course, neither Stan nor Amethyst heeded the white Gem as they continued to have their noisy fun, much to the white Gem’s severe aggravation. “Oh, this is already a disaster…”

“Calm down, Pearl,” Garnet advised as she walked past, briefly placing a hand on her teammate’s shoulder. “Everything will work out, you’ll see.”

“Ugh, I hope so…” Pearl groaned as she trudged on ahead, wishing that this bothersome mission was already over.

At the same time, the kids hung a bit behind the adults, though they still followed them, at first anxiously as they remembered just how ominous the Kindergarten was. However, Steven and Mabel were quick to loosen up as they noticed Dipper practicing with the sword Pearl had given him, swinging it around experimentally to get a sense of how it handled. Mabel stifled a laugh as she watched her brother’s broad, almost over dramatic movements before she started mimicking his maneuvers with an imaginary sword of her own, complete with exaggerated facial expressions and all. Dipper only caught on as he overheard Steven’s amused chuckle at this, and as he paused and glanced over his shoulder, Mabel abruptly stopped and put on a front of unknowing innocence, one that wasn’t very convincing, all things considered.

“Didn’t you guys hear what Pearl just said?” he asked, rather exasperated. “We’re supposed to be taking this mission seriously.”

“Oh, we are taking it seriously!” Mabel protested with a wide smile. “In fact, its so serious, that I even brought this along!” She pulled her grappling hook out of her sweater, brandishing it proudly. “You’re not the only one around here with a fancy-smanzy weapon, bro-bro. If Peridot tries to mess with us, I’ll bop her with this!” To prover her point, she launched the hook out, only for gravity to quickly enough pull it back down to the ground, where it landed with a dull, unimpressive thud.

“…I… think we should just stick with letting my sword do all the fighting, if its all the same to you, Mabel,” Dipper remarked dryly, turning to catch up with the Gems.

“Well, either way, I still think we’re being pretty serious about all this,” Steven vouched confidently as he hurried over to the Gems as well. “Don’t you think so, Garnet?”

“Sure,” the Gem leader smirked, taking a moment to ruffle the young Gem’s hair playfully.

“Hm… Well, nothing looks activated…” Pearl noted, her gemstone reflecting light upon one of the broken-down injectors. “In fact, it doesn’t look like anything’s budged since the last time we were here…”

“You’re right,” Garnet said, hands on her hips as she looked around. “But just because Peridot hasn’t been here yet, it doesn’t mean she won’t come.”

“Hm,” Steven nodded in terse agreement, making his expression resolved to show just how serious he really was.

“Let’s do a thorough check of the perimeter,” the Gem leader continued authoritatively.

“Hm.”

“That way, we can monitor any further entry.”

“Hm, sounds good to me!” Steven chimed with a thumbs up, already heading off to do just that as the others began to split up.

“Oh! If we’re teaming up to go look for Peridot, then you and me should totally be Search Buddies, Dipper!” Mabel exclaimed with a daring grin. “That way, when we find her, I can deflect my grappling hook off your sword and we can knock her out clean before she tries any of her sneaky shenanigans!”

Upon hearing such a bizarre plan, the most Dipper could initially do was look to his sister with apt confusion, looking between the rather thin blade of his sword and her quite bulky grappling hook. “Mabel, do you understand how physics work? Like, at all?”

“Yo, if we’re choosing Search Buddies, I call Stan as mine!” Amethyst proclaimed with a wide grin, shapeshifting her legs to be long so she could be tall enough to steal the conman’s fez off his head to put it on her own.

“Yeah, you would,” Stan sardonically remarked, though he was still grinning in amusement as he reclaimed his hat.

“You two teaming up is a catastrophe just waiting to happen,” Pearl muttered, rolling her eyes at their joking manner in light of the serious situation.

As the others continued discussing their investigative arrangements, Steven had already wandered off on his own to look around the corner. The young Gem didn’t expect to see too much, but he kept an eye out for suspicious activity, even if he had no idea what he’d really do if he happened upon any. He couldn’t deny that he was rather worried, especially as he passed by another injector, about what Peridot might do if she was allowed to succeed in her unknown ambitions. After all, she had already been stranded on Earth for quite some time now, completely left to her own devices, whatever they might be. Chances were that she had likely made some kind of progress on her mysterious, likely harmful goals, and that she would only continue to do so if she wasn’t found and stopped soon. Steven only hoped that Garnet’s hunch that the green Gem was somewhere around the Kindergarten was right, otherwise the search for her could go on endlessly, all the way until she completed what she came to Earth to do. And while that was a thought that alarmed the young Gem quite a bit, fortunately, he wouldn’t have to wait that long, for as he continued to independently investigate the area, he happened to overhear the unmistakably familiar voice none other than Peridot herself.

“Log date: 6 5 2,” the green Gem began as she rose up along with a platform that had emerged from underground. Steven froze up in his spot only a few feet away, clearly within Peridot’s frame of view, though she didn’t seem to notice him at first as she continued her report while fiddling around her with finger-formed touchscreen. “This is Peridot, updating status. Still stuck on this miserable planet… The fusion experiments are developing properly. A few have even emerged early-” The green Gem suddenly cut herself off with a sharp gasp the moment her eyes drifted away from her screen and towards the equally startled young Gem standing right in front of her.

For a moment, neither of them said anything, both of them completely unsure of how to react to such an unexpected, awkward encounter. Though based on how still both of them were, it was clear that they saw each other as equal threats, based on what little they knew about each other thus far. Even so, Peridot was the first to speak up, albeit in an anxious whisper as her screen dissolved and she looked around nervously. “Are the… other ones with you?” Steven initially shook his head, though he was quick to recant this lie with an honest nod and awkward shrug. Peridot let out a frustrated groan, her disjointed fingers covering her face as she lamented her incredibly bad luck. “Of course… Why not?”

“Peridot!” The green Gem gasped in sharp fear as she heard Garnet’s firm shout from across the Kindergarten, her cover completely blown as the Gems and the Pines spotted her all at the same time.

“There she is!” Pearl exclaimed, her spear already in her hands.

“Let’s get her!” Amethyst grinned daringly, rushing forward with her whip at the ready as everyone else quickly followed.

Needless to say that with such a crowd on her case, Peridot didn’t hesitate to flee, rushing down the Kindergarten corridor with her pursuers hot on her trail. Oddly enough, the green Gem seemed to be running right for one of the high, impassible walls of the canyon, confusing the others a bit, though even so, they continued to chase her in the hopes of finally ending this ongoing game of cat and mouse.

“Give it up, Peridot!” Dipper shouted, his sword already at the ready to go after the green Gem who was largely responsible for the disasters of the past several weeks. “You have nowhere to run!”

“Yeah! We’ve got you cornered!” Mabel added, trying to get a good aim with her grappling hook. “I’ve always wanted to say that!”

“That’s what you think!” Peridot retorted, glancing back with a snide grin before she did something none of them had been expecting. Without even skipping a step, the green Gem began to run vertically straight up the Kindergarten wall, snickering triumphantly as she put distance between herself and her foes. “Try and catch me now, you filthy rebels!”

“So that’s this ‘big, scary Homeworld Gem’ you guys are so afraid of?” Stan asked the Gems rather caustically as they all stopped at the base of the wall as Peridot continued running up it. “Pfft, she just seems like a loudmouthed nerd to me.”

“She mostly is,” Amethyst shrugged with a scowl. “Her being able to run up walls is new though.”

“Aw, I can’t do that!” Steven pouted, wishing that he could pursue her somehow.

“Neither can she!” Pearl exclaimed, tossing her spear straight up towards the green Gem.

Peridot ducked out of the weapon’s path as it sailed straight over her, her smug smile returning as she glanced back down at the group below. “Ha! Missed!”

Her assumption was quickly proven wrong, however, as Pearl’s spear did strike something: an injector stuck in the wall near the top of the cliff. And given its already loosening grip on the canyon wall, the impact was enough to get the injector to not only detach, but come collapsing down right towards the green Gem. Peridot gasped as she noticed the massive machine start hurtling down towards her, which was why she had no choice but to turn on her heel and start bolting down the wall the opposite of how she had come up it.

“Oh! I got her! I got her!” Pearl notified the others, her arms held open wide to catch their foe when she inevitably fell.

“Please,” Stan scoffed as he pushed the white Gem aside. “At the rate she’s bookin’ it down that wall, she’d knock you down flat the minute she runs into you. I got her.”

“Then what makes you think, you’ll have any better of a chance?” Pearl countered crossly, pushing the conman right back. “Why don’t you just step aside and let those of us with actual experience handle this?”

“A lot of good that ‘experience’ is gonna do when Greenie up there pummels you into the ground and gets away!” Stan argued back, shoving Pearl once more. However, before the white Gem could shoot back an angry retort of her own, their fight was abruptly interupted as Garnet ran for them both, pushing the pair out of the way just as the falling injector struck Peridot first, before brutally crashing into the ground below.

“Both of you, pay attention!” Garnet ordered to Stan and Pearl, her gauntlets summoned as she let them up.

“Hmph, he started it,” Pearl scowled as she crossed her arms.

“Right back at ya, stretch,” Stan deadpanned just as sourly.

“Do you think Peridot’s hurt?” Steven asked, somewhat concerned as he took a step towards the downed injector as the dust from the crash settled.

“Hopefully,” Dipper remarked, his grip tightening on his sword as he held it aloft in case the green Gem suddenly emerged. And that’s actually exactly what she did.

Surprisingly, Peridot was seemingly uninjured as she pulled herself out of the wreckage with little more than an exasperated groan. The moment she spotted her foes surrounding her, however, she was quick to pull herself up and attempt escape yet again.

“Nope, guess she’s ok!” Amethyst quipped, already lashing her whip out. “But she won’t be for long!”

Before Peridot could get too far, the purple Gem’s whip happened to catch her, coiling around her torso and pinning one of her arms down to her side. Before the green Gem could even think about wriggling free, Dipper and Mabel were both already running for her, their respective weapons poised to attack, albeit in different ways.

Dipper brought his sword down first, the Ancient Sea Blade clashing squarely with the lower half of Peridot’s arm, which, oddly enough, seemed to solid, sturdy metal. Though he was initially confused by this, he was quick to go in for another attack, trying to work past her surprisingly steadfast block. This process repeated itself several times over, with neither of them making any real progress until Dipper struck Peridot’s arm once again and decided to keep his blade there, in the hopes that applying pressure would wear her down, though really, the only thing it seemed to do was frustrate her even more.

“Augh! You irritating clods don’t know when to quit!” the green Gem seethed, beyond irritated with her current desperate straits.

“Apparently, neither do you!” Dipper countered just as harshly, suddenly pulling his sword back so Mabel could come in with a surprise firing of her grappling hook. Unfortunately though, Peridot saw it coming just in time and her disjointed fingers easily managed to catch the hook, though not before it knocked her against the side of her head first.

“Ow!” she growled, tossing the hook aside hard as one of her fingers began to spark with a self-generated electrical current. “I’ve had just about enough of this uncalled-for interference for one day!” With this, Peridot pressed her electrified finger down on Amethyst’s whip, its charge spreading throughout the entire weapon to the point that the purple Gem was forced to relinquish her hold on it.

“Whoa! Hot whip! Hot whip!” she shouted, her hands flying away from her weapon as Peridot hurriedly released herself from it. The green Gem let out another small victorious snicker as she began to flee on foot, though she didn’t get far before running smack dab into Stan, who had wisely, and quickly put himself directly in her path.

“And where do you think you’re goin’, Greenie?” he asked caustically, glaring boredly at her as he crossed his arms.

“Oh great… another meddling human to deal with…” Peridot grumbled, backing up a bit as she calibrated one of her fingers into a laser. While somewhat caught off guard by this, Stan was prepared to deal with it; what he wasn’t prepared for, though, was the spear that was suddenly vaulting towards both him and the green Gem. The projectile missed Peridot completely, and fortunately, Stan was quick enough to duck out of its path, but at the expense of inadvertently letting the green Gem go free.

“Hey, Pearl!” Stan shouted crossly over at the white Gem as he quickly picked himself up off the ground. “What do think you’re doing, chucking spears at my head like it’s some kinda target?!”

“I was trying to hit Peridot!” Pearl protested, already running forward as Amethyst started to do the same. “And what do you think you’re doing just letting her get away!?”

“Uh, looks like we’re all kinda letting her get away now!” the purple Gem pointed out, nodding up to Peridot as she continued running on ahead.

“Go ahead, you Crystal Clods!” she shouted over her shoulder somewhat breathlessly. “Wreck this place! See if I care! I already got what I needed!”

“Get back here!” Pearl yelled after her, another spear summoned as she ran after the green Gem.

Peridot responded to this command by simply throwing her hand up, her fingers starting to spin rapidly until they had essentially become helicopter blades. As she began to lift up off the ground and out of the reach of her pursuers, her small smirk gradually turned into a maniacal laugh as she looked down upon her foes, who still seemed insistent on giving chase after her. “Ha! Face it! You simple lumps are no match for my superior technology and intellect! You’ll never catch up!”

“You wanna bet, you noisy, green, triangle-headed punk!” Stan shouted now thoroughly invested in this mission simply due to the rather large aggravation Peridot proved to be for all of them.

“I’m gonna bop her good!” Amethyst growled, leading the charge after her as the white Gem and the conman followed not too far behind.

“I’ll help!” Pearl fiercely agreed as they all rounded a corner in the Kindergarten to continue the chase. The kids were eager to follow after them, all wanting to put a stop to the green Gem’s ambitions as well, but before they could get too far, Garnet was quick to reel them back in.

“Wait,” she called calmly, still standing by the fallen injector.

“Wait? Wait for what?” Dipper asked impatiently. “Peridot’s getting away! We have to go after her!”

“Yeah, come on, Garnet!” Steven urged intently, starting to run ahead. “We gotta hurry!”

The Gem leader stopped her young ward once again, this time by holding him back by his shirt until he finally gave up and stopped trying to run. Seeing that Garnet was quite serious about this, the kids all decided to take pause to see exactly what was so important that chasing the green Gem down could wait for.

“If Peridot’s mission was to reactivate the Kindergarten, the injectors would be on. Look,” she nodded over to the closest injector, which was as still and silent as ever. “They’re not.”

“Oh?” Steven frowned, initially confused by this before he started to get the picture. “Oh!”

“So that means… she was trying to do something else?” Mabel guessed, even if she was still a little confused.

“Exactly,” Garnet nodded. “Let’s see what she was actually doing-” The Gem leader paused, easily lifting up the broken injector and tossing it aside to reveal the elevator shaft Peridot had initially emerged from. “Down here.”

“Ohhhhh…” all three kids mused in understanding unison, immediately realizing what a smart plan this was.

“But wait, what about Peridot?” Steven asked, glancing over his shoulder at the direction the others had taken off.

“Pearl, Amethyst, and Stan can handle her,” Garnet assured, adjusting her shades. “If they can manage to get along.”

“Well, then I think its safe to say they’re pretty much doomed then,” Dipper sarcastically remarked as they all began to follow Garnet into the dark depths below, none of them anywhere close to sure of what they might find down there.

At the same time, Stan, Pearl, and Amethyst, had hardly noticed that Garnet and the kids hadn’t joined them in chasing Peridot down as they were all adamantly intent on catching up to her. The green Gem simply continued laughing mockingly at their attempts from her high vantage point, easily dodging Pearl’s spears and Amethyst’s whip as she glided smoothly through the air. For the most part, they didn’t lose sight of her, that is, until she happened to fly behind one of the injectors resting on the cliff above, only for her to not appear on the other side of it seconds later like she should have.

“Aw, great!” Amethyst huffed in breathless disappointment as they all came to a stop. “She got away!”

“Oh, I’m sure she didn’t get too far,” Pearl assured with a wave of her hand. “After all, if her primary objective, whatever it is, is here in the Kindergarten, then chances are she’s not going to just leave it behind so soon. I’m sure that if we remain diligent, we’ll be able to find her, capture her, and put an end to her mission once and for all!”

“Well we would have caught her sooner if somebody had just let me nab her instead of just wildly hurling spears like a nutcase,” Stan remarked crossly, not even trying to hide his frustration with the white Gem as he glared her way.

“Well maybe we would have caught her even before that if somebody hadn’t tried to unnecessarily interfere with me catching her as she was running down the cliff!” Pearl countered just as bitterly.

“Oh, what, so you’re saying this is all my fault then?” Stan asked harshly, not noticing Amethyst’s look of growing concern as she looked between him and Pearl.

“Yes!” the white Gem exclaimed, appalled. “The only thing you’ve done since this mission began is make an absolute mess of things! In fact, why are you even here in the first place?! It’s not like you had to come along with us!”

“Hey, I already told you,” the conman reiterated with a persistent scowl. “I’m here to keep an eye on the kids, remember?”

“Oh, and what a wonderful job you’re doing of it too!” Pearl exclaimed with faux approval. “But do you happen to notice something? Oh, that’s right! They’re nowhere to be found!”

Stan was more than ready to shoot back a heated retort, but right before he could, Amethyst finally interjected, growing quite aggravated with their ongoing squabbling. “I’m sure the kids probably just hung back with Garnet,” she began, staunchly stepping in between the pair. “For now, we gotta get our heads back in the game! P-dot’s hiking it away from here, and all we’re doing is standing around here yelling at each other about it, which isn’t really gonna do anything to stop her, you know.”

“Well, Amethyst, how do you purpose we do to find her?” Pearl asked, hands on her hips.

“Uh, I dunno, actually come up with some kinda plan instead of biting each other’s heads off,” Amethyst said, passing a rather critical glance between the white Gem and the conman. She paused, however, upon noticing a rather large exit hole marring the nearby Kindergarten wall, as well as a plentiful pile of rocks resting on the cliff high above it. “And you know what? I think I might just have an idea…” She smirked wryly, though her confidence quickly turned to worry as soon as she remembered who she had to work with for this plan. “But uh, for this to work, you guys are gonna have to, um… get along? Just a little?”

“Get along? With her?” Stan scoffed haughtily at the idea. “C’mon, Amethyst, you know me better than that. I don’t work well with snooty airheads.”

“Well I don’t work well with miserly charlatans,” Pearl shot back, turning her nose up as she glared away.

“…You know what, I also don’t work well with people who use words that nobody knows the

“Well, could you guys at least try to work together?” Amethyst asked, nervously amidst the ongoing tension. “At least until we catch Peridot? Then you two can go right back to hating each other.”

Stan and Pearl were both still quite bitter as they exchanged distrustful, disdainful glances, neither of them too keen on having to cooperate for any period of time, however small. But as they both met Amethyst’s sincere, pleading pout, their shared resistance to her proposed teamwork-heavy plan fell apart almost instantly.

“Ugh, alright, fine,” Pearl begrudgingly agreed. “But only until we capture Peridot, and not a moment after that.”

“Yeah, and this doesn’t mean we gotta be all buddy-buddy about it either,” Stan remarked, arms still crossed as he sent the white Gem a cold scowl.

“Oh, believe me, I have no intentions of being anything of the sort.”

“Uh… well… that’s fine, I guess,” Amethyst frowned, still uncertain of whether or not her plan would go off without a hitch given these less than favorable circumstances. “But shouldn’t we at least all shake on it just to-”

“No!” Stan and Pearl were quick to reject this idea, both of them firmly believing that them agreeing to work together along was more than enough.

“Ugh,” the purple Gem groaned, running a hand through her messy hair as she tried to figure out how she was ever going to make this work out. “I can already tell this is gonna be a pain in my gem…”

With the elevator disabled, Garnet and the kids had no choice but to descend into the underground control room on foot. Its slanted walls and floors were just as dark and uninviting as they had been when they had first happened upon them weeks ago, and yet they still somehow carried a heavy air of mystery to them, even if the group now knew what rested at the end of the tunnel.

“So… what exactly do you think Peridot was even doing down here?” Dipper asked Garnet, hoping that the Gem leader’s future vision could at the very least give them a hint about what they were up against.

“It’s hard to say,” Garnet said, her manner as levelheaded as ever. “But no matter what she’s up to, if Homeworld sent her here to do it, then we need to put a stop to it.”

“Oh, that’s such a good point, Garnet!” Steven said with a bright grin. “You’re brains and brawn. The whole package!”

“Thank you,” Garnet smirked, accepting her young ward’s high five.

“It’s gotta be cause you’re a fusion, right?” Mabel asked with eager curiosity. “Cause fusions can do like, anything. Believe me, I know from experience!”

“So do I!” Steven chimed in proudly.

“Me too, I guess,” Dipper added with a small, bemused chuckle.

“Fusions can do a lot,” Garnet confirmed, still grinning. “But I have to keep some of my secrets.”

“Aw, please?” Steven pleaded. “We wanna know! Is the strong part of you Ruby and the wise part of you Sapphire?”

Garnet paused for a moment, pondering this question before delivering an expectantly enlightened answer. “It’s all of both. When two Gems combine, it creates something greater than the sum of their parts. For instance,” she glanced over at Steven and Mabel. “When you two fused into Maven, what do you think each of you brought to the fusion?”

“Oh! I know!” Mabel quipped first, raising her hand. “I brought my impeccable fashion sense, great social skills, and my award winning smile! Oh, and I also brought glitter, lots of glitter! We were basically covered with it the entire time we were fused, it was great.”

“Hm… Well… I guess I brought my positive attitude and all-around friendliness to Maven,” Steven said, blushing in embarrassment as he tried not to sound too immodest.

“True, but those things weren’t all that Maven was,” Garnet said, still pushing on ahead. “They were everything that you two were, and more. They were a symbol of your friendship, your bond, the perfect image of your relationship and what it means to each of you.”

“Relationship…” Mabel muttered to herself, her cheeks suddenly red as she stole a quick glance over at the impressed young Gem. “Wow…”

“Another good example would be Stepper,” Garnet continued, looking between Steven and Dipper this time. “What parts of you two went into making him who he was?”

“Oh, well, uh… Hm…” Steven paused thoughtfully for a moment. “I don’t… really know.”

“Yeah, me neither,” Dipper shook his head. “I guess its because Stepper was… pretty awkward his first time around.”

“But not after you found harmony between each other,” Garnet countered smoothly. “So after that…”

“Oh, wait a second!” Steven filled in as the Gem leader trailed off. “The way we tricked Peridot when we were fighting her robots! Dipper, that was definitely your brains at work there!”

“Huh, I guess you’re right,” Dipper noted with a small, growing smile. “And I gotta say, Steven, even if I wasn’t super ok with it at first, you were pretty determined to keep us together, which was something that totally carried over to when we fused that second time.”

“Oh yeah!” Steven exclaimed, excited by this revelation.

“Stepper did have both of those traits,” Garnet acknowledged. “And many more, including ones that neither of you were even aware of. His existence told the story of you two growing closer, and the moment you found the harmony between each other was the moment you finally came together.” The Gem leader paused, her smile growing a bit as she adjusted her shades. “In the same way, that’s what I am. The symbol of our—of Ruby and Sapphire’s relationship, their devotion to each other. I’m both of them, and so much more than them, all at the same time. That’s why I’m so great.”

“Wow…” all three of the kids mused in genuine amazement at everything the Gem leader had said as they finally reached the control room.

“So what’s it like to stay fused all the ti-” Steven cut his question off as he took in the ruinous sight before them. The control room was still just as damaged as it had been the first time they had all been there, with its central crystal busted in and all power cut off to it completely, leaving the place dark and still. The key difference, however, were the numerous pillars standing erect throughout the entire room, most of them about Garnet’s height and all composed of tightly compacted dirt. All of this combined to create an atmosphere that was deeply unsettling, in ways that none of the kids could really describe as they tentatively followed Garnet into it. “I don’t know how… but this place is even creepier than the last time we were here…” Steven mused, flinching as he heard his own voice echo back at him amidst the otherwise dense silence of the room.

“Yeah…” Mabel agreed with a fretful frown as she approached one of the pillars. “What’s the deal with all these tuby things?”

“Mabel, don’t touch those things! We don’t know what they’re for!” Dipper cautioned, his hand already resting on the hilt of the Ancient Sea Blade, just in case. “Y-you know, I’m suddenly really glad Pearl gave me this sword…”

“There’s clearly something different here this time,” Garnet spoke up, glancing around meticulously. “I don’t like it.”

“The power’s not on…” Steven noted as he looked back to the broken crystal. “What was Peridot doing down here?”

“W-what if she was just collecting dirt for some reason?” Mabel suggested anxiously, hoping that this was nothing too serious. “Not sure why anyone would do something like that, but maybe she just has a weird hobby?”

“It looks like she pulled these out of the Kindergarten walls,” Garnet mused, glancing up to notice that there were even pillars of dirt hanging from the ceiling above. “Something strange is-” The Gem leader cut herself off as she caught onto the soft sound of sudden rumbling coming from one of the pillars on the far side of the room. Stoic as ever, Garnet made her approach, summoning her gauntlets as a precaution in case anything dangerous were to emerge.

“Garnet?” Steven called over to her, curious, as Dipper and Mabel also glanced over in her direction. The kids exchanged a somewhat worried look after not receiving a response from the Gem leader, but even so, they all hurried over to her, making sure to keep their guard up all the while. Garnet still said nothing as she reached out to touch the dirt pillar, only for it to start shaking violently the moment she made contact with it. The kids shared a startled gasp at this, Steven and Mabel tucking behind Garnet’s legs for protection while Dipper quickly drew his sword, aiming it at the pillar with a tight, albeit somewhat shaky grip.

“Y-you don’t think something’s in there… do you, Garnet?” Mabel asked nervously as they all steadily backed away. The Gem leader still provided no answers, her manner suddenly tense as she kept her gauntleted hands in tight fists. The pillar’s shaking only seemed to be growing more rapid and aggressive by the second, and yet nothing seemed to emerge from it. Instead, something unknown happened to fall from the ceiling above, landing right behind the group and frightening them all more than enough to prompt them to spin around and see exactly what it was.

And what it was seemed to be a hand and a foot, both of different colors, awkwardly fused together as they wriggled around aimlessly. The kids were all completely awestruck and aptly disturbed as Garnet picked the small, bizarre creature up, but they only had a moment to examine it before several more, similar creatures began dropping down from the pillars on the ceiling. Hands mixed with feet, arms connected to legs, two arms connected by their joints, legs linked at the knee and still several other twisted combinations of disjointed, mutli-colored body parts began slinking across the floor in whatever limited way they could, all of them slowly but surely pulling themselves towards the alarmed group near the front of the room.

“O-ok! So I guess Peridot wasn’t just collecting dirt down here!” Mabel exclaimed fearfully, quickly pulling her grappling hook out of her sweater.

“What the heck are these things?!” Dipper asked, his eyes wide as he held his sword out in front of him defensively.

“And why are they—Ah!” Steven’s wondering was cut off as the creature Garnet was holding leapt out of her hand and onto his face. The young Gem gasped in terror as its hand grabbed at him, but fortunately, the Gem leader was quick to defeat it with a swift, decisive strike. The malformed creature dissipated much like a downed Gem monster would, and all that was left in its place were its jagged, crystalline remains.

“It looks like… two Gem shards… stuck together…” Steven noted with an anxious frown as Garnet held it up for them all to see. And sure enough, its appearance was quite telling of this: a pink and blue broken pieces of two different gemstones, somehow mashed together in an uneven, unnatural shape. Upon realizing exactly what this was, Garnet let out a disgusted gasp as she quickly tossed the clustered gem shards away from her, back towards the other writhing disembodied limbs still dragging their way towards the group.

“Gem shards? As in… broken Gems?” Mabel asked with growing horror towards the situation as a whole. “So these things are basically like Gem zombies… if they were stuck together…”

“Are you kidding?! These things aren’t anything like the zombies we’ve been up against before!” Dipper exclaimed hotly, not hesitating to bring his sword down on one of the creatures that managed to get a bit too close for comfort.

“Stop!” Garnet suddenly ordered, her voice oddly tight and tense as her expression conveyed just how unnerved she was. “D-don’t hurt them!”

“W-why not?” Steven asked waveringly, especially as he noticed that the usually unshakably courageous Gem leader was trembling in nothing less than absolute terror. “G-Garnet?”

Garnet didn’t get a chance to explain, but even if she had, she wouldn’t have been able to amidst her steadily rising panic. But all the same, the onslaught of smaller shard creatures was quickly forgotten as one of the larger dirt pillars let out a sickening crack, one that tore itself clean across as it began to grow wider and wider with each passing second.

“W-what was that?!” Steven exclaimed, him, Dipper, and Mabel all hanging close by Garnet, even if the Gem leader could hardly be considered a form of defense amidst her own deeply distraught state.

But even so, the young Gem’s question quickly got an answer as the pillar suddenly exploded, bright light pouring out of it. And at the center of this light was another cluster of Gem shards, their forms gradually starting to emerge as it rose higher and higher into the air before the stunned group. Soon enough, the light silhouettes of four distinct Gems appeared, merged together by their torsos in a mess of trapped limbs and shapes. They let out a unified, distraught, desperate scream as they tried to escape from their entangled form, only for them to glitch out, their different appearances being lost completely as they fused against their will. From there, the silhouette’s shape started to change, taking on the form of what first looked like a massive hand, before the “fingers” of that hand shifted into various arms and legs. As the light faded, it became clear that these multi-colored limbs were conjoined together, its long, hulking body wrapped in a ragged grey cloth as it landed on the ground with a powerful crash, rattling the entire room in the process.

And, without wasting even a second, this nightmarish amalgamation began crawling its way towards Garnet and the kids, who were all aptly horrified by this monstrous being. Though none of them were more petrified and transfixed than the Gem leader herself, who knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, exactly what, or rather who this clustered creature used to be.

“Ok, so here’s how its gonna go down,” Amethyst began with a sly grin as she outlined her plan to Stan and Pearl. “I’m going to track Peridot down and chase her back here. That’s when you guys make sure she runs into this hole,” she nodded over at the large hole in the wall behind them. “And then you pull those rocks up there down using this whip.” She held up the two handled, very long whip she had summoned and lassoed around the pile of rock on the cliff above. “And we’ll trap her inside. Pretty easy, huh? Are we all good on what we’re supposed to be doing?”

“Of course, we are, Amethyst,” Pearl confirmed with an exasperated huff.

“Yeah, we’re not stupid,” Stan remarked, pausing briefly before continuing with a smug smirk meant for Pearl. “Or at least I’m not.”

“Hey!”

“Ok, s-so we’re all ready, then!” Amethyst quickly interjected before another argument could break out between the pair. “I’ll be back in a few; you guys be ready to bring those rocks down on Peridot’s stupid triangle-shaped head. Oh, and try not to kill each other until I get back, k?”

“No promises…” Pearl muttered, exchanging a cross scowl with Stan as the purple Gem headed off to put their plan into action. For the first several minutes after Amethyst had left, the pair remained in a state of stilted silence, each of them holding onto their own respective ends on the whip and stubbornly refusing to make eye contact. However, this silence soon dissipated as Stan began to whistle in an attempt to alleviate his boredom with their uneventful station, something that was very quick to set the white Gem off.

“Could you please stop that infernal whistling?” Pearl asked with a very thin layer of politeness.

“Oh what, is it getting on your nerves?” Stan paused for a moment, glancing over at her with a knowing smirk.

“Yes,” the white Gem replied with a disapproving glower.

“Great!” the conman’s grin grew wider before he started whistling again, only much louder this time, much to the white Gem’s growing aggravation.

“You do realize that our plan is never going to work if Peridot hears you, right?” she asked pointedly. “If you wanted to be obnoxious and cause a ruckus, then you should have gone with Amethyst.”

“Yeah, I should have,” Stan remarked coldly. “At least then I wouldn’t have to hang out with a boring, stuck-up killjoy like you.”

“And what’s that supposed to mean?” Pearl relinquished her hold on her end of the whip as she placed her hands on her hips.

“It means you’re annoying,” Stan began, also letting go of the whip as he took a challenging step towards the white Gem. “And pushy and bossy, and controlling, and a nag, and a prude!”

“Well, you, Stan,” Pearl countered just as fiercely as they essentially stood only apace away from each other. “Are careless, callous, irrational, dishonest, inconsiderate, and selfish!”

Stan flinched at this, his eyes widening at such this all-too familiar accusation before his former fierce demeanor quickly returned. “Take that back,” he demanded with tranquil fury.

“No, I won’t,” the white Gem staunchly refused. “Because it’s true.”

“No, its not!” the conman shot back, hands clenched into tight fists at his sides.

“Yes, it is.”

“No, its not!”

“Yes, it is!”

“No, it’s-”

Stan instantly cut himself off upon hearing the sudden loud rumbling coming from above them, something that Pearl took notice of too as they both glanced up to see a sight that shocked them both. Somehow, the pile of boulders they were supposed to pull down to trap Peridot had budged, almost as if it had been pushed from above seeing as how the rocks were already starting to rain down towards them. A few of them already fell right before the startled pair, keeping them from effectively fleeing, but they shared a frightened gasp upon realizing that one of the larger rocks was plummeting down directly towards them.

“Look out!” Stan shouted, acting on instinct alone as he pushed Pearl and himself out of the way of the rock and into the exit hole. The pair barely had a moment to pick themselves up off the ground before the rest of the rocks finally fell, essentially trapping them both inside. And they had virtually no time at all to question how this cave in had even happened before a familiar, irritating snicker sounded out from the other side of the rock wall.

“Ha! You two must have thought that your little ‘plan’ to apprehend me was so smart and so foolproof,” Peridot began, leaning against the rocks with a smug smirk. “But I just so happened to overhear all of your futile deliberations, as well as your incessant arguing, which, of course, ended up being your complete and utter downfall! And once again, I’ve proved myself to be vastly more intelligent than you dull clumps by turning the tables on you and imprisoning you in the very same trap you had intended for me! It’s simply genius!”

“Yeah, yeah, you know what would be more genius, Greenie?” Stan asked, his tone deadpan as he tried to peek through one of the sparse gaps between the rocks. “Letting us outta here.”

“Please! Like I’d ever do that,” Peridot scoffed, rolling her eyes. “No, instead I think you’ll both stay right in there… trapped forever with no way out while I make my daring escape! Enjoy your new home, you clods!” The green Gem let out another triumphant laugh as she ran off, leaving the pair behind and stuck in the hole that, as she had said, they had no real way out of.

“Oh, this is just perfect!” Pearl growled as she tried prying the rocks aside with her spear, to no avail. “I have to admit that Amethyst’s plan to capture Peridot was actually quite promising, until you had to go and ruin it completely, Stan!”

“Oh yeah, go ahead and blame me,” Stan shot back, crossing his arms. “You know, the guy who literally just saved you from being crushed by a bunch of rocks. Heck, maybe the plan would have worked if I had actually thought twice about that.”

Pearl took pause at this, a spark of something akin to guilt striking her as she remembered that Stan had indeed saved her, as much as she was loathed to admit it. But she was quick to shake if off in favor of her former disgruntled anger. “Well, regardless of who’s fault it is, we’re still trapped in here all the same. Any ideas as to how we’re supposed to escape? Or should I just assume that the limits of your imagination only extend as far as creating new tawdry falsities to put on display at the Mystery Shack?”

“I dunno, why don’t we just have you yell at the rocks until they fall down?” Stan remarked sarcastically as he leaned against the cave wall. “You’re full of enough hot air that it would probably work pretty quickly.”

The white Gem couldn’t hold back a frustrated scowl upon hearing this, her cheeks lighting up blue in a flustered blush before her anger finally exploded. “See, Stan, that’s exactly your problem! You never take anything seriously! You think everything is just one big joke!”

“A joke, huh?” Stan retorted with a harsh scowl. “Shows how much you know, stretch. You’d be surprised at how many things I take very seriously.”

“Oh yeah? Like what?”

“Like-” the conman quickly cut himself off before he could even make mention of the one thing he had been heavy focused on for the past 30 years. So instead, he went in a different, far less incriminating direction. “Like taking care of Dipper and Mabel.”

“Oh, yes, of course!” Pearl exclaimed sardonically. “Taking care of the twins! Something you do so well that you just carelessly them run around as they please and get themselves into life-threatening situations on almost a daily basis! Clearly, their safety is your number one priority, right?”

“Hey, a little freedom never hurt anyone,” Stan said, still not retracting his stance. “Besides, it helps them learn lessons about life or whatever. Lessons that you refuse to learn, Pearl, seeing as how you’re about as stubborn as, well, a rock!”

“I am not a rock!” Pearl protested, appalled. “I am a Gem, thank you very much.”

“Yeesh, and so literal too,” Stan rolled his eyes, letting out an annoyed sigh as he paused for a moment, glancing down. “You know, Pearl, ever since I met you Gems, you’ve always been the one constantly on my case, even from the start. Heck, even Rose tried lightening up a bit near the end of her run. But you just keep fussing and nagging at me, even though I’ve never done anything to you. So what’s your excuse for hating me so much, huh?”

“Oh, please, Stan, don’t be ridiculous,” the white Gem crossed her arms. “I don’t hate you. I just—I… I’m not… w-well… well you’re just so… so frustrating! Like I said before, its like nothing is of any real importance to you, and the things that do matter to you, you just seem to brush aside to let them be on their own! Would it kill you to show just a little more concern and consideration every now and then?”

“Would it kill you to just loosen up and relax for a change?” Stan countered evenly. “Seriously, Pearl, you’re like, one of the biggest control freaks I’ve ever met, and believe me, I’ve known plenty. But you wanna know something crazy? You can’t control every little thing life throws at you. Sometimes you just gotta take things as they come, without throwing a massive tantrum every time something doesn’t go your way.”

“I-I know that!” Pearl protested defensively. “I just… w-well sometimes, I… Huh,” she paused, her expression softening in slight realization. “Y-you know… that’s… some surprisingly good advice, especially coming from you. Perhaps… perhaps I do sometimes get a little out of sorts when things go awry…”

“Oh, ya think?” the conman deadpanned, though he also began to drop his sour attitude upon recalling what the white Gem had said before. “But uh… maybe you do kinda have a point about me being sort of careless sometimes… I guess I could try to keep a better eye on the kids, and, well, everything else for that matter…”

“Wait a second…” Pearl said with a small, tentative smile. “Stan, did you just… admit that I was right?”

“Huh, yeah, I guess so,” Stan shrugged though he quickly tried to play it off. “But don’t take it too seriously, stretch. It’s probably just because of the lack of oxygen in here o-or something. But hey, looks like this is a two way street seeing as how you technically said I was right too, Pearl.”

“Oh! W-well… Well I, uh…” the white Gem stammered, trying to suppress an embarrassed blush. “Well, I suppose everyone has their moments every once in a great while, including you, Stan.”

The conman couldn’t help but let out a genuine laugh at this, one that Pearl gradually joined in on as the ongoing tension between the two of them slowly started to lift. True, the two of them had never really been on good terms in the past, but they were steadily starting to realize that perhaps there was no real reason for them to hold such longstanding disdain towards each other in the first place. Even if they didn’t necessarily agree with each other on every point, there was still grounds for compromise between them, grounds that they had finally started to reach in, ironically enough, one of their worst squabbles yet.

“Um… so… Stan?” Pearl began, still flustered as she averted the conman’s gaze, though spoke sincerely nonetheless. “I just… Well, I’m… I’m sorry. It wasn’t really your fault that we got trapped in here. And you did end up pushing me out of the way of those rocks so… thank you for that.”

“Yeah, well… I-I guess I’m sorry too,” Stan acknowledged somewhat awkwardly. “You know, I don’t like admitting it, but you’re not always an overbearing stick in the mud.”

“And you’re not always a swindling con artist,” Pearl said with an amicable smile that turned to a worried frown as she looked to the rocks behind them. “Now, how are we ever going to get out of here?”

“I guess we’ll just have to follow Amethyst’s advice and work together,” the conman remarked with a knowing smirk as he positioned himself against the rocks. “On the count of three, we’ll both push on these rocks as hard as we can.”

“Right,” Pearl nodded, already putting some of her weight against the stones in preparation. “Three.”

“Two,” Stan continued, making sure he had a steady footing.

“One!” they both exclaimed in unison, giving the rocks a hearty shove. Neither of them had expected the stones to go down on the first push, but somehow they did, resulting in both Stan and Pearl falling down along with them, started, but free all the same.  

“W-we did it!” the white Gem exclaimed with a laugh, exchanging a relieved smile with the conman.

“Uh, actually, I’m pretty sure I did it,” Amethyst pointed out as she stepped up to the pair, whip in hand and an amused grin on her face.

“Amethyst?” Stan frowned in confusion as him and Pearl picked themselves up to stand. “Wha—h-how did you—What’s going on?”

“Oh, not much,” the purple Gem shrugged, still grinning slyly. “Just savin’ you two dorks. I heard those rocks fall and I thought you guys had caught Peridot on your own, but then I overheard you guys yelling at each other in there, so that’s when I realized things kinda fell apart.”

“Wait… Amethyst, if you knew we were trapped in there, then why didn’t you try to save us sooner?” Pearl asked, her tone disapproving.

“Cause I figured a little… quality time would be just the thing to get you guys to finally get along, and it looks like I was right!” the purple Gem exclaimed with a pleased smile. “Guess all it took for you two to make nice with each other was to trap you in a cave for a while and force you guys to talk it out. Who would have thought?!”

“Are you kidding me?! Amethyst, we could have died in there!” Stan exclaimed harshly.

“Exactly!” Pearl huffed. “That was completely inadvisable! Not to mention the fact that Peridot got away again because of all this!”

“Yeah, maybe,” Amethyst shrugged, still far too elated over how the pair were finally on good terms to be brought down from it. In fact, she was so excited that she ended up catching them both off guard with a surprise group hug. “But we’ll get her next time for sure. Right, you guys?”

Neither Stan nor Pearl answered this at first as they exchanged an initially stilted glance, uncertain of whether or not they wanted to carry their newfound affability onward past the cave it had been found it. But as they glanced down at the clearly delighted purple Gem, they both found that her happiness was contagious enough for them to reciprocate her hug, deciding that they really didn’t have much of a reason to go back to the way things used to be. “Right,” they confirmed in determined unison, knowing that from here on out, things were going to start moving forward instead of remaining in bitter stagnation.

Despite the warm resolution going on above ground, down below in the control room, things were still in a state of absolute chaos. The massive amalgamation monster continued sulking towards the frightened group, its mess of entangled arms and legs continually inching its way towards them with unknown intent.

“G-Garnet?” Steven shakily tried to get the Gem leader’s attention, which was still completely fixed on the lumbering mutant. “Garnet, what do we do?!” Almost as soon as he had raised this question, the young Gem let out a startled cry as one of the smaller limb clusters jumped onto him from behind. Mabel rushed to pull it off of him, but as soon as she let it hit the ground, Dipper plunged his sword into it, poofing it easily.

“What are you doing?!” Mabel exclaimed, looking to her brother in disbelief. “Garnet told us not to hurt them!”

“Well if we don’t, then they’ll end up hurting us!” Dipper argued, his sword at the ready to take down another smaller limb creature slinking towards them.

“Garnet, w-we need your help!” Steven pleaded with the Gem leader in the midst of all this, only to turn around and realize the huge mutant had grabbed her. Its array of arms gripped her tightly by the arm, hip, and head, and as shocked as she was, she was unable to release herself from its tight hold, especially as it began pulling her towards it. “P-please! You gotta talk to us!” the young Gem cried, only for Garnet to remain in terrified silence, her entire form trembling in speechless horror as her breaths came out in short, panicked gasps.

“W-watch out!” Mabel warned as another creature pounced for Steven. The young Gem reacted quickly, his shield forming over his arm to block its advance, though its disfigured hand continued pressing hard against it.

“I don’t understand!” Dipper exclaimed, slashing through yet another mutant as it clamored for the young Gem. “Steven, why do these things only seem to be going after you and Garnet?”

“I-I don’t know!” Steven shook his head, distraught as he glanced back at the Gem leader again. Garnet was still trapped in the larger monster’s hold as another one of its hands rushed for her face, roughly shoving her shades off and revealing all three of her huge, terror-filled eyes. As caught up in her frozen fear as she was, the Gem leader hardly noticed the kids trying their best to beat the still numerous smaller mutants away only for more of them to keep coming without any seeming end in sight. But even amidst this, Garnet suddenly spoke up, her usually strong, stoic voice completely shaken, almost broken even, as she finally explained exactly what these creatures were.

“T-these… these were Crystal Gems…” she choked, tears starting to stream down her cheeks as the mutant pressed its hand against her face. “S-shattered into pieces during the war… They were buried together… T-they were forced together… They were forced to fuse!”

Needless to say that upon learning the truth about these monsters, the kids were all aptly shocked, though they all immediately understood why Garnet was so petrified by them. As horrific and unimaginable as it was, these grotesque, twisted monsters were composed of the broken remains of her former comrades, Gems she had known, fought with, likely even befriended back during the war. They had been merged, against their will, together into these nightmarish fusions, if they could even be called that, with no way of breaking free and barely any sentience left to speak of as they acted on pure, mindless instinct alone. In all honesty, it was almost enough to send the kids into the tears that Garnet herself was already completely lost in.

“T-this… this is wrong…” Garnet’s voice was little more than a heartbroken whisper as she stared at the mess of conjoined gemstones positioned at the fusion monster’s core. Her voice wavered even more as she began speaking to the creature itself, her tears still falling hard and heavy as she offered them a weak apology that would never be enough to suffice for the amount of suffering they were likely going through. “I… I-I didn’t… None of us knew you were… t-that they would… None of y-you deserved… I… I’m sorry!”

The Gem leader let out a loud, agonized shout as her immense emotions finally started to overwhelm her, to the point that they quickly began to compromise her completely. With both of her halves in absolute despair and disarray, the white light of unfusion began to consume her, her form still shaking as the fusion monster continued to cling onto her tightly.

“Garnet!” all three of the kids gasped in shocked unison, especially as a large gaping hole began to spread through the Gem leader’s midsection, another sign of her all to quickly falling apart.

“No!” Steven cried, his shield still holding up as he shoved another mutant back, shuddering as the gap in the Gem leader’s form began to widen. “Garnet, you’re coming undone! T-this isn’t like you!”

“Y-yeah! You gotta keep it together!” Mabel pleaded just as anxiously as she took out a smaller creature with her grappling hook before Dipper covered her by stabbing through another one. “This is all really messed up, yeah, but remember what you told us! You’re way more than any of this! You’re Garnet!”

Upon hearing this, the Gem leader’s tightly shut eyes flew open, this distraught, yet truthful reminder filling both of her struggling halves with the motivation she so desperately needed. All at once, her manner suddenly shifted, her grief and fear turning to righteous fury, not towards the forceful amalgamation of her fallen allies, but of the ones who had done such a horrible thing to them in the first place. With a courageous shout, Garnet pressed her hands against the limbs restraining her, the gap in her form starting to close as she fought back with sheer, outraged ferocity. Though she was still engulfed by obscuring light, she pushed the mutant away from her with a powerful blow before rushing towards it, this time completely on the offense. As she pushed heavily against the creature, its four abnormal, oversized eyes appeared around its clustered gem, all of them staring at her almost pleadingly, as if they were silently begging for her to release them. And that’s exactly what she did. The unfusing glow disappeared from her, her halves still united as she literally ripped the forced fusion apart, its monstrous form poofing away in a momentous explosion of smoke. Garnet quickly bubbled its remaining gemstone mere seconds after it hit the floor, her manner still tense and rigid and silent, even as the kids breathed a shared sigh of relief behind her.

“So… is it bad that all of this somehow wasn’t the most disturbing thing we’ve seen this summer?” Dipper asked rather stiffly, his sword still drawn just in case any more mutants showed up. “Because even if its not, its… pretty up there on the list…”

“But we did it!” Steven exclaimed with a newfound allayed smile. “We beat them back!”

“And its all thanks to you, Garnet!” Mabel chimed in, brightly at first, though all of the kids’ smiles faded as they looked to the silent Gem leader with concern, especially as she kept her back turned to them. “Garnet?”

“So this is what Homeworld thinks of fusion…” Garnet suddenly growled to herself, an edge of ferocity that could only belong to Ruby in her tone as she glared down at the bubbled gem resting over her palm. “W-we couldn’t have known they would do this…” she seemed to reply to herself, her voice softer, sadder, much more like Sapphire’s, before she exploded into anger again. “This is where they’ve been. All the ones we couldn’t find. They’ve been here the whole time! And Homeworld’s been doing… this to them! Rose couldn’t have known… We couldn’t have known… This is punishment for the rebellion! We could have stopped this! We could have saved them! It’s not our fault!”

“Garnet!” Steven fearfully exclaimed upon hearing the Gem leader let out a distraught sob. All three of the kids were still quite unsettled to see Garnet in such a rarely vulnerable, shaken form, but she was quick to start regaining her composure as she sent the bubbled clustered gem away, turning to the trio behind her with a soft, strained expression.

“K-kids…” she began, all three of her eyes looking down to them with unspoken apologies for her moment of weakness. It was clear that there was much she wanted to say to them, but she didn’t get the chance as the tense moment was abruptly interupted, though fortunately, not by fusion mutants this time.

“Yo!” Amethyst called as her, Pearl, and Stan slid down into the control room. “We’re back!”

“Garnet, we lost Peridot,” Pearl reported regretfully. “We had a plan to catch her but it…”

“It fell through,” Stan finished, smirking in slight amusement as he crossed his arms. “Literally!”

“Whoa!” the purple Gem gasped upon noticing one of the lingering fusion mutants crawling up onto her. “Check out those freaky things!”

“W-what are they?” Pearl asked, unnerved as she picked the pair of conjoined hands up.

“I’ll tell ya what they could be,” Stan remarked, grabbing another stray mutant with an intrigued grin. “The Mystery Shack’s newest headlining attraction! People would eat these creepy little suckers right up!”

“Put them down!” Garnet suddenly ordered, her tone incredibly harsh as her shades returned. Stan and Pearl were quick to do so, alarmed by her fierce manner just as much as the kids were, even if they understood where it came from. “We need to poof and bubble all of them,” the Gem leader commanded coldly, raising her fist over the mutant Pearl had dropped before bringing it down in a heavy, brutal swing. “We can’t let any escape.”

Though the horrific disaster in the Kindergarten was over, it was safe to say that the kids were still somewhat shaken by everything they had seen in that control room. It was for that reason that they had unanimously decided to regroup the next day, for both the sake of helping Steven with his last bit of laundry, as well as to discuss and debrief from it all.

“So… what do you think Peridot wanted to do with all those fusion monsters from yesterday?” Mabel asked the boys with a fretful frown as they headed for the warp pad.

“Isn’t it obvious?” Dipper retorted with resurgent disdain for the green Gem. “She probably wants to use them as weapons or something and sick them on all of us. Seeing as how she’s already tried to kill us with robots and a spaceship, it really wouldn’t be that surprising if she was trying to do it with reanimated Gem mutants.”

“I don’t know… those Gems… they didn’t really seem to know what they were doing…” Steven noted solemnly as they congregated onto the warp pad to go up to one of the temple statue’s hands. “If anything, they all seemed to be really… scared. And… like Garnet said, they used to be Crystal Gems! So I don’t think they’d want to attack us on purpose…”

“Uh, speaking of Garnet, how’s she doing?” Mabel asked with concern as they warped up to the hand, where the washer and dryer awaited.

“Oh, well, she’s-” Steven cut himself off as they arrived, only to find the Gem leader herself casually leaning against the statue’s thumb. “Right here, apparently.”

“Oh, hi, Garnet,” Mabel greeted with a small smile. “How’s it going?”

“Still damp,” Garnet replied, nodding over to the washing machine.

“Oh, right, the clothes,” Steven said, heading over to take care of his laundry. “I guess that makes sense. There are towels in there.”

“Wait a second, how does the washer and dryer work all the way up here?” Dipper asked, rather confused. “Is there like, some kind of special plumbing system or does something else make them run?”

“It’s magic,” Garnet said with a flashy wave of her hand and a small, joking smile. The kids shared a warm laugh over this, but it quickly died out as the Gem leader looked away, her arms crossed and her expression unreadable.

“Um… a-are you… alright?” Steven asked worriedly, remembering just how distraught and panicked his guardian had been the previous day, traits that she was certainly not known for.

“…I wish you three hadn’t seen that…” Garnet answered, her tone steady, but still layered with hints of remorse.

“Oh, its ok,” the young Gem assured gently.

“Yeah, I mean, we were all kind of freaking out down there,” Dipper said with a small shrug. “And given what we were up against, I think we had every reason to be.”

“It’s not ok,” the Gem leader countered, shaking her head.

“…W-why not?” Mabel asked, rather tentatively.

“What Homeworld did,” Garnet began, her expression darkening as she looked down. “Taking the shards and parts of fallen Gems and combining them. Those Gems weren’t asked permission to be fused together like that. Fusion is a choice; those Gems weren’t given a choice. It isn’t right. It isn’t fusion!”

The kids all went silent upon hearing the Gem leader’s resurgent anger over the matter, all of them realizing exactly why she had every reason to be angry. After all, she was a fusion herself; the concept was deeply important to her, it was everything she was. And to see it be tarnished and distorted in such a twisted way no doubt filled her with a kind of fury she couldn’t fully begin to describe.

But even so, as the dryer beeped, Steven glanced up to his guardian again, still rather worried for her in light of everything that had happened. “W-what’s it like?” he asked, both curious and anxious. “Being a fusion?”

Garnet glanced over to the kids at this, her expression once again stoic as she offered a terse response. “You all have fused.”

“I mean, like, all the time,” the young Gem clarified. “Do you forget who you used to be when you’re together?”

The Gem leader finally smiled at this, glancing down at the gemstones on her palms. “You forget you were ever alone. You all know, that when you fuse, you don’t feel like two people. You feel like one being. And your old names might as well be names for your right arm, and your left.”

“So… when you split up, is it like you disappear?” Mabel asked, remembering fearing the exact same thing happening with Maven not too long ago.

“I embody my—I mean, Ruby and Sapphire’s love,” Garnet assured. “I’ll always exist in them, even if they split apart. But the strength of that love keeps me together, so I can stay Garnet for a very long time.”

“That’s why you’re so great,” Steven finished with a bright, warm smile.

The Gem leader let out a small chuckle at this, one that the kids all joined in on. Regardless of the horrors they had witnessed in the Kindergarten the previous day, one thing was still clear: Garnet was still there, still keeping it together, still existing as the ultimate proclamation of Ruby and Sapphire’s love for one another. And try as they might to pervert the image of fusion through mutant monsters and forced amalgamations, that was something that Homeworld would never be able to destroy.

This warm moment continued until a gust of wind passed by, blowing a blue and white sock out Steven’s laundry basket. The young Gem gasped as the sock was carried by the abrupt breeze, nearly off of the statue’s hand entirely until Garnet managed to catch it at the very last second. “Don’t wanna break up a pair,” she smiled, handing the sock back to her young ward.

“Yeah,” Steven grinned, folding the blue sock back together with its matching pink counterpart, together, just as they were supposed to be. “They belong together.”

Next:

[rqs902]

now im watching last week’s ep of tco4 bc i havent had time to get to it yet and i need to take my mind off snzm 

UGH its sad to hear xy, fsc and xiao huang talking about their rankings rip but their laughing makes it even more sad

UGH NOT FRUIT PLANET I REALLY LIKE THEMMMM sigh i gotta face the reality that theyre likely gonna get separated... but PLEASE AT LEAST SOMEONE SAVE XIAO ZHI PLEASE THATS ALL I ASK, im not gonna be greedy :(

oof i respect ma zhe saying that he doesnt want to win bc he recognizes other kids like FRUIT PLANET KIDS, zy and xiao zhi, are so skilled. he knows winning is just a numbers game and would not serve as proof of his skill. thats a tough place to be in, and it isnt uncommon but i think i rarely hear a contestant say it like that. “i dont want to win bc im not worthy” “i dont want to win bc i know im not as talented” 

wow i was a little confused as to why they were doing these solo spotlights but actually this is really nice! its nice to see them really going hard at their strengths and really pouring their all in to show off a bit. it can be hard to do so in a group setting all the time, and really it reminds you that there a lot of really talented musicians among these kids. i think itll also be good to remind the kids who are picking later what the other kids’ skills are and what they’re capable of. 

oh whoa i thought about there only being 2 bassists, i didnt realize there are only 2 pianists too

hm maybe im just biased but i thought xiao li’s playing was a litttleee bit cleaner than szb’s heheh but i respect that they attempted to even play a duet from across the room, thats a challenge 

i respect muji’s playing 

LOL why do xiao huang and zhao ke’s voices singing together sound so strange to me LOL 

LOL switch to ljt’s group and im just !!!!! HIS VOICE !!!! I LOVE LIAO JUNTAO’S VOICEEE and also the cafe vibe is so him LOL this group is so him

wait so someone explain to me why ljt wasnt in the solo section? is he considered a vocal? but what about his guitar skills?? 

im kinda sad jym isnt smiling when drumming anymore :\ 

YAY FRUIT PLANET !! i love how happy xiao zhi and wsh look when playing hahah 

AW talking about xiao zhi being like a dad and 包容 and taking care of them im ughhhh UGH THIS IS A MINI XIAO ZHI FEATURE IM CRYINGGGG THIS CHILD DESERVES THIS “the one who’s left standing when everyone else falls down” hes just so supportive and warm.. ugh watching him break down crying thinking about all he couldve done better and you can tell he feel so guilty and blames himself that fruit planet isnt doing well

HAHAHAHA EVERYONE WANTS XIAO ZHI !!! except szb lol but at least i know if they do get disbanded, hopefully xiao zhi will still be safe :’) im glad they all recognize his talent and the importance of having a bassist!!! 

oof xiao xiong talking about hyt being overbearing and reminding him of his ANGRY DAD thats a big ouch. it is true that xiao xiong’s skill level may not be up to hyt’s standards, but i can see hyt doesnt respect him enough as a team member. the more familiar hyt gets with him, the more he isnt afraid to show his true feelings of frustration. esp bc theyre in such a stressful situation, it must be rough as a leader. also seems rough for xiao li to be stuck in between this. from the beginning hyt has shown himself to have high standards and he demands high quality so he isnt gonna be the soft, encouraging leader xiao xiong probably would prefer, unfortunately. ouch the way hyt straight up says “this is going to be painful” like theres nothing he can do about it and they just have to accept it. like ps says, he’s not good at understanding other people’s feelings, like he doesnt seem to be willing to try to understand xiao xiong’s. 

the way hyt lists what other people are doing and then asks xiao xiong “那你呢?” ouch........ that seems really mean? manipulative? harsh? but at the same time, we dont really know all the context so this is just want tencent wants us to think.

hyt also wants xiao zhi???? I cant imagine xiao zhi in this group, even tho itd probably be good for his possible debuting prospects, but xiao zhi gives me such a laid back, warm, taking care of everyone, creating a nice, supportive environment type of leader, and this group is literally the opposite of that??? ugh and yet, despite their superior group environment, fruit planet is at risk of getting disbanded... so sad. 

man with the way these votes are trending hyt is gonna win and ljt wont debut? :(

lol tencent cutting the speeches of less popular contestants not surprised 

wait wat. isnt qiang ge very popular??? what happened to his votes? wait what. im confused. what???

LOL FRUIT PLANET IS SAFE IM SO RELIEVED HAHAH okay i know i came into this show for ljt but xiao zhi has become one of my picks too, i cant deny anymore LOL and also xiao li -- but hyt’s group’s dynamic makes me feel uncomfortable at the moment. but yea ljt, xiao zhi, xiao li are my top 3... too bad they DEF wont be in the same group / wouldnt mesh well in a group together LOL 

i love fruit planet group dynamic :’) watching them talk to each other just makes me smile

OH MY GOODNESS XIAO LI IS LEAVING?????? i can understand though, this grouping is not ideal from a music making standpoint either, like why are there so many vocalists lol but also i respect that hes putting his music first and he knows what he wants and needs for his music. even if it means leaving hyt who is basically a guarantee for popularity on this show. im so surprised xiao xiong isnt saying he will leave too.. or even hyt himself at this point. theyre all just... crying.... but honestly how can they make music without xiao li??? 

AWH my heart.... xiao li asking xiao xiong “你會恨我嗎?” i have never felt “do you hate me” hit me in the feels like this before. its such an OOF. and xiao xiong saying hes super close to xiao li, you can tell hes been under such emotional duress and xiao li has supported him through and now hes just conflicted between betraying hyt (who he wouldnt be here without) and suffering with hyt without xiao li there to help. this is so sad to watch..... ok but honestly just seeing how in this emotional time, ma zhe and xiao xiong are talking to xiao li and NOT hyt says something about how theyre afraid to touch him. 

what xiao li says about hyt being kidnapped by his popularity makes so much sense, with what hyt said about chasing after his expectations and trying to live up to them. hes really not relaxed. ever. and i think thats what xiao li doesnt want to work with. i respect that he wants to be recognized for his music rather than just be recognized. 

wat is this show doing why did they just stop and let them wallow in their feelings for hours??? wtf?? i mean i appreciate they respect that its a difficult and important decision but shouldnt they make them move on more efficiently?? what a waste of everyone’s time...

lol hyt learning some eq? yes you have to take care of your group members’ feelings, theyre people....

L O L XIAO LI GOING BACK ON HIS DECISION IM DYINGG HAHHAHAHAHHAHA WHAT A WASTE OF EVERYONES TIME HAHAHHAHA WHAT IS THIS SHOW. but okay yes i respect xiao li for having the guts to say he wants to leave, bc that hopefully gave hyt the wake up call he needed. BUT ALSO i do think staying with hyt makes sense career-wise. gaining popularity first isnt a bad thing. and he can always (continue to) prove his worth and make all different types of songs in the future, whether during or after his time with hyt. but staying with hyt = exposure, and thats never a bad thing. its just... hopefully they can resolve their emotional issues from here on out.

technically the smart move is to pick a popular contestant like zhao ke, to boost your group’s popularity overall. BUT hyt is so popular it really doesnt matter LOL 

L O L xiao li being like well i cant get the group i want anyway, so idgaf lets just keep on “戲劇化” HAHAHAHHA he gives no effs anymore

but also i cant imagine them with another non-instrumentalist LOL and what kind of style will they have now? 

ok wait let me go back to look at this:

hm yea the only other person of choice that would be helpful for votes is qiang ge. but i also cant imagine him on fruit planet???? ugh i wonder if qiang ge turned them down bc he feels like he’d ruin them like he blames himself for ruining his past groups. 

i cant believe xiao li said he tried to talk to qiang ge for 3 hours until 6am... to convince him to come to fruit planet? wild. 

UGH so sad that fruit planet didnt get a successful pick but honestly i am kinda glad mty didnt agree bc i kinda really would like to continue seeing xiao zhi play bass..... but ofc i guess it would be nice for him to show other skills too, ah im conflicted. but he really looks so carefree and like hes having so much fun when playing bass, id hate to take that away

LOL BASICALLY SZB CONFESSING TO MUJI HAHAHHAHAHA IS THIS A HIGH SCHOOL DRAMA ALL THE SUDDEN HAHAHHAHA actually i havent seen them interact before but i can kinda see muji’s personality meshing with their group’s, like hes kinda quirky and strange too LOL its cool they do get along tho

OOF SO MANY REJECTIONS. but also muji’s right, last time he wasnt strong enough, so i respect that hes really trying this time. 

omg szb throwing a tantrum and trying to force muji’s hand is not very respectful to muji’s wishes and it makes muji look like a bad guy :( im glad muji’s standing his ground tho, this is not the time to indulge a child’s tantrum lol

on the bright side, i love xiao zhi’s laugh, so at least we got something out of this LOL

LOL xy so easily pulling fsc over LOL why cant they all be like this LOL save tencent editing time LOL 

i knew there were too many emotions on ljt’s team........ i cant believe as soon as szb is like marginally okay, jym is like NOPE....... L O L��

.....i cant believe..... they’re just.... cutting it off...... like this....... WHAT IS THIS SHOW AHHAHAHAH okayyyyyyyyyyyy thennnnnnnn 

oof wasnt 車站 ljt’s last song before elimination? i just got hit with a wave of sadness and memories oof i wasnt ready 

man its so interesting bc i feel like on other shows, the contestants are always like “i dont want to get eliminated!” but here its like “i dont feel like i can fit into their music, id rather be eliminated.” its an interestingly different type of setting. i respect that they respect their own music, but i guess theyre not thinking enough about their future career progression? if they really want to make it in the music industry? idk. its interesting bc i feel like ljt has struggled so hard since getting eliminated from the first season that i assume / hope he has more of a mindset of wanting to make it to the end.

anyway im kinda surprised fruit planet made it so high LOL but yay for them, i really wonder what will happen with them picking their 5th member. im surprised qiang ge’s votes are so low? itll be sad if he really leaves though. ugh only 2 out of 4 groups successfully regrouped and one of them took an extra 2 hours to decide.... lol. i still dont understand why that was allowed in the first place but okay. this is the most struggle elimination ep ive ever seen LOL 

[zetsubou-da]

i         wish some     one could                               helpe nnnnn

but i feel like a stuid retrd autist that cant accomplis h any thing i want to have a respectable job with a cute boston terrior as mty only frend i    dont have money ti gt college and i want to lose my virginity i gave up on trying to kms bcuz god saved me i’m still unsure if he is real or not so i will start going to church and ask around   and my brain is so ff -upped now that i cant finish trains of thought i hope this wont be forever. i am so sad fuck

[wolfypuppypiles]

Klance fic: six feet under

This is chapter one for this fic but the second work in my series “It took six years” which is based on KLance coming back to earth after finally defeating Zarkon.

Keith cursed and ducked behind the boulder once more. They were surrounded. 

"Pidge, we have any friends nearby that can help us out?" 

The girl shook her head, tapping at the holo screen she'd installed in her amour. 

"Allura and Coran are too far out to get to us on time and none of our allies are even close to this location. The lions too."

Lance watched the small army of galra soldiers through the scope of his rifle. 

"We're outnumbered more than five to one. There's no way we're beating them in a fight." 

Shiro swore as Keith pulled lance back behind the boulder. They had gotten the materials they'd gone to the planet for but now they had to get them out. 

"This is one of the last pieces for the weapon that will defeat Zarkon. We cannot let them get their hands on it." 

Lance scoffed from his crouched position, watching the galra guards get closer. 

"Yeah, well despite how important that is I also wouldn't be too thrilled to be captured and killed. Do I need to remind you that if we get captured the galra get voltron? If it comes down to that weapon or us I'm choosing us." 

Keith yanked his boyfriend down again. 

"They're going to find us any minute and there's no coverage to  make a run for it, so what's the plan here?" 

Hunk started pulling things out of his pockets, twisting wires together to a slab of putty. "If we can get them all in that tunnel we can blow it up with them inside but I only have enough for one grenade and I'm making it out of scraps so it doesn't have more than a few seconds after you detonate it. That's not enough time to throw it from here. We'll have to get closer." 

Lance bit his lip, eyes focused on the ground in that intense way of his when he thought of a really bad idea. Keith noticed and grabbed his arm. 

"Whatever your thinking? Stop it right now. We are not going with another one of your self-sacrificial plans." 

Lance frowned back. "We have about a minute before they find us and this is the only plan I have. I'll be careful, just let me explain what we're doing before we run out of time." 

Keith knew from the look in Lance’s eyes, that he would not like whatever it was. But he was right, they were out of time. He nodded. 

"Okay, I'll surrender and make it look like I'm alone. They might take some convincing so tell your lions to take off as if you're all leaving the planet without me. I'll take the bomb with them into the tunnel and set it off. I'll run for it as soon as I throw it in. Hopefully it'll take out enough of them to give us a chance." 

Hunk nodded as he finished making the bomb and handed it to Lance. 

"This is the trigger switch. Throw it very far and run like hell, it won't give you much time before it blows that whole tunnel down." 

The blue paladin nodded and handed his bayard to Pidge but Keith was shaking his head, breaths coming in angry pants. 

"Why do you have to do it? I'm the fastest runner, I'd have a better chance of getting away before it-" 

Lance shook his head but couldn't meet Keith's eyes. He knew how slim a chance he had of getting out of this alive and he didn't want his boyfriend seeing how scared he was. 

"Blue is still weak from the crash on the last mission, I won't be able to communicate with her from this far and the galra might be dumb but they can count and they'll know you aren’t alone. Let me do this Keith." 

The red paladin looked as if he wanted to protest again but instead grabbed lance's collar and pulled him forward for a kiss. 

Keith felt his chest ache. He hated how much it felt like goodbye. He met lances eyes with his own, earnest and begging. 

"Be careful, come back to me. I love you." 

Lance rubbed his thumb over Keith’s shoulder where he held it. 

"I love you too." 

Keith didn't want lance to go. But the soldiers were almost on them. Lance stood from behind the rock, the grenade tucked in his pocket. He threw his hands up as the soldiers aimed their weapons at him. 

"Stop! I'm unarmed. I surrender." 

One of the soldiers came towards him, gun raised as he went to look behind the boulder. 

"Where is the rest of your team. We know they landed here with you."

Lance shrugged, smirking. 

"They landed with me sure but this was a solo mission. You aren't getting them." 

He tapped a hand against his helmet, activating the coms. 

"Go guys!" 

The team, still hidden behind the boulder connected to their lions, getting them to take off. The galra soldiers cursed as they watched the lions fly away in the distance. One of the guards grabbed lance's arm and started dragging him over to the tunnel. 

No one was Interested in the boulder now that the rest of the paladins were supposedly gone but they were not happy. 

"Take the blue paladin inside, if he's here his lion is too." 

Keith listened as Lances feet scuffled against the ground and retreated to the tunnel. Once he was sure no one was close enough to see him he peeked over the rock. Lance was walking into the tunnel with the galra who were helpfully all within bomb distance. 

Their plan was working. Or it would have if the galra hadn't secured the tunnel. 

Once Lance was inside, the galra activated a safety measure to make sure their prisoner wouldn't escape. Green lasers flickered to life at the entrance of the tunnel. Keith's stomach dropped. 

"He won't be able to get out before the bomb goes off. He's trapped. We have to think of something else, he is not detonating that bomb." 

Shiro relayed the sentiment to Lance through the coms before addressing Pidge. 

"Could we get the lions here? Now that the galra think it's only Lance we have enough time for them to come." 

Pidge shook her head, looking panicked as she typed at her holo screen. 

"Actually, we don't. The galra are setting up a message for Zarkon. In two minutes, he'll know the blue lion is here and the rest are nearby. Even if we did get Lance out we would still have to fight Zarkon and without the weapon we've been waiting for we'll lose. We have to stop that message." 

Hunk looked sick. 

"That tunnel has to blow." 

And Lance knew it. Keith watched as the blue paladin sent one last look their way. 

The team looked at each other. None of them wanted this to happen, but there just weren’t any other options. Keith saw their looks of defeat and shook his head furiously.

“No, he isn’t doing it. Lance, don’t you dare detonate that bomb, we’ll think of something else.”

His voice cracked as he begged his boyfriend not to go through with it because he knew Lance wouldn’t listen.

“Please, baby. Think of something else. I- I can’t lose you.” His cheeks were wet and he scrunched his eyes shut, desperately trying to turn his grief into anger. Anger was hot and burned everything else away, it was much easier to deal with than the chest crushing agony he felt when he thought about living without Lance. He took a shuddering breath and slammed his fist against the ground, getting ready to jump up and go after his team mate.

Hunks solemn voice came through the coms as Shiro grabbed Keith around the middle, stopping him from leaping up from their only cover.

“Lance, throw it as far as you can and try to find cover before it blows. I’m… I’m so, sorry.”

Keith fought against Shiro’s hold, hands gripping the metal arm as he kicked but he couldn’t fight free and Shiro’s hand was covering his mouth before he could yell out protests. His voice came close to his ear, as shaky and thick with tears as the others had been.

“Keith, you can’t give away our position. I’m sorry, I really am sorry but once that tunnel blows Lance is going to need help getting out and we can’t do that if we get captured too. This is our only option.”

Keith stopped fighting enough that Shiro let him go and he slumped, chest heaving as he sobbed.

“I can’t live without him. Please, don’t do this.”

Pidge sniffed as she spoke to Lance through her helmet.

“It has to be now Lance. The transmission to Zarkon is almost up.”

Lance had been sat down on a crate and was being watched by multiple guards. He knew he couldn’t get out and his heart broke at hearing his boyfriend beg him to stop. But he needed to save them. He lifted a slow hand to his helmet while the other went for the grenade. He turned on the coms and tried to keep his voice steady.

“I’m sorry.”

He threw the bomb to the far end of the tunnel and ducked low to the ground, behind the crate he had been sitting on. And then the tunnel exploded.

Keith screamed as the explosion hit, Lance disappearing as the tunnel began to collapse. Fire overtook the back where the blast originated and the front entry fell into a cloud of smoke as it turned to rubble. The galra inside would be crushed and the guards outside the tunnel had been taken out by the blast wave and falling debris. The plan worked Lance was gone.

(I’m soo mean but Lance isn’d dead so don’t worry. You can find this and all my fanfics on fanfiction.net and ao3 mty author name is the same as my url. I;ll update this soon as I can let me know what you think tho pleassae)

[fannysanchezart]

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Hey de nuevo estoy abriendo comisiones :) hubo un accidente con la luz en mi casa y perdí mis ahorros para pagar deudas :( si pudieran ayudarme se los agradecería mucho chicos :) mándame mensaje para mas info ....... Hey again I'm opening commissions :) There was an accident with the light in my house and I lost my savings to pay debts :( If you could help me I would really appreciate it guys :) send me a message for more info #opencommissions #comisionesabiertas #watercolor #portraits #pets #sketch #originalgifts #dibujos #digitalartist #digitalart #regalosoriginales #regalopersonalizado #monterrey #mty #mexico🇲🇽 #helpanartist #mexicanartist https://www.instagram.com/p/CDSdzDLjNE1/?igshid=y6rxult0l5kd

[guideaus]

chibi mty cast...

[rqs902]

.

for a split second i actually thought tencent had bought them gifts but LOL oh its their parents that makes more sense 

ofc zzn would be with ljt’s groupppp hahahha aw im glad nana got to work with a group she had previously said she’d wanted to collab with. 

lol why do i feel like langlang is bringing all his friends and family onto this show LOL 

i cant tell if i like xiao li without bangs better, but a change isnt bad, gives him a new look 

oof the way xiao li says “im someone who doesn’t have a father” being raised by his mom and aunt and just remembers broken plates from his childhood, and left at 13?? its been 6 years?? wild 

and hyt commiserating talking about how admirably strong he thinks his mom is too but then im like wait a minute... they’re probably the two that contributed the most to making this song (well mostly xiao li) but theyre the ones whose parents didnt come, that’s sad :(

i respect xiao li rocking this bright colored hoodie in a sea of black LOL

wow i think he’s saying that music should have a personal touch to it, tell a story, and even tho growing up sometimes there are moments that aren’t happy, when you look back it may still be a treasured moment. is he talking about the broken plates? wow this just got real deep real fast and im just so intrigued by his artistic mind wow im just grateful that his group mates are really letting him drive their musical direction. i mean thats part of why hyt chose him, for his composition abilities, so im not surprised but its really so cool that his group is helping him tell such a personal story through their music 

pushu complimenting xiao li’s guitar composition in the demo and xiao li’s like im the one playing it :’) xiao li is really so talented wow

wait why did they do the elims in the middle of them making their own compositions tho? that just makes it sad that the groups that didnt make it didnt get to show their music and the reshuffled groups are at a huge disadvantage they only have 3 days left?? the timing seems bad

so basically xiao li did everything except hyt made his own drum part and they all supposedly wrote the lyrics together 

wow this song is.... oof. im still trying to process 

on a side note, i was kinda worried how mz would fit in this group but its great that he can be their bass player! and tbh im still kinda questioning xiao xiong’s singing, like it still sounded kinda pitchy to me but maybe its at least improving like gem said lol

but back to the song, when asked why a song about family isnt more warm, the way xiao li said life can be cruel but he still sees it as beautiful when he looks back and he still loves his family. i think thats why this song creates such conflicting emotions in me. its sad and even spiteful but also touching. you can feel how lonely and lost he’s been in life, but he recognizes he’s still loved. theres a lot of complicated emotions presented in the space of a few minutes (which shows how real and personal this song is) and i think i need to listen a few more times to help me digest his story. i feel like the messy, discordant chords in his piano solo represent his inner feelings and im grateful and amazed that he was willing to share his vulnerabilities so openly. 

Oof I read xiao li's weibo post about this song and it's so poetic I had to use the dictionary but oof it just made me think of hyt saying it seems like xiao li has been through a lot. I'm grateful he says he isnt lonely with the family members he loves (again sad they couldnt come support him...) I'm wondering what the meaning behind his words is when he says he still has candy and can forever be a child. At least he says he'll be happy.

OOF continuing with another sad story, man maybe its why that group of kids are so close, xu yang also talking about being raised by his mom (and zk too) from meager beginnings. kinda sad he cant perform the song himself but at least his friends can publicize it for him? i do feel like it wouldve been even more emotional for xu yang to have been in the perf himself :\ they did make it together but writing the lyrics shapes the whole message of the song. glad to see zk and jym are on good terms still and xu yang supported them to perform the song. 

well im glad to see that the adults are able to whip the kids in qiang ge’s group into shape so muji and wjy can work together lol seems like qiang ge’s learning from them and gaining confidence. oof qiang ge’s father being responsible for a family with 5 kids and always getting sick

happy to see mty so happy on stage and qiang ge so happy to see his parents and muji being so gentle with his little brother 

im tearing up at wjy talking about his grandma’s noodles and then qiang ge being all “arent my noodles good too?” I CRACKED UP HAHHAHAHAHHAHA

me watching xiao zhi’s group: wow xiao zhi is such a great older bro

AW muji’s little bro sitting at muji’s desk with the rest of the kids backstage !!! and then high fiving the kids going on stage !!!  

zhang yang’s always seemed a bit like an awkward turtle but you can tell he really loves his group mates, its sweet

oh ljt’s comment about parents gradually becoming like kids and the kids have to learn to 包容 them.... thats so real 

did nannan just walk in with a SUP DUDE.... HAHAHHAHAHAHA

nice to see jym has found peace within their group haha and not surprised ljt’s dad likes ljt’s music but zzn’s dad thinks zzn’s music is too loud L O L 

lol they said liu yang wrote the music and szb and ljt wrote the lyrics, then how come the credits have only ljt for the music and lyrics?? 

lol ljt’s dad’s singingggg hahahhah 

i teared up at szb’s mom’s words bc it must be hard for her to blame herself for everything

LOL JYM’S DAD !!! they seem to have a fun relationship. and i love how ljt saw jym sit down and immediately went to check to make sure he was okay. 

oof rip wu xing’s dad being like uh so we cared more about your older brother when you were growing up oops

but wu xing’s song may be my favorite from this ep. theyre not my favorite group, but i like this song.  

LOL zjy’s dad seems fun, why do i suddenly get the feeling thats how i imagine ljt would be like as a dad L O L 

oof hyt saying hes not surprised his dad didnt show up but he felt like something was wrong when he mom said she was sick. then asking whether parents should hide something like hospitalization from their kids... thats rough

aw muji’s mom feeling so sad for hyt and crying when saying muji would also feel like something was wrong if she hadnt shown up.. aw 

honestly i cant tell if i like muji in particular, bc there are times where i feel like his personality seems a bit unique in a way im not sure if he’d be easy to get along with, but i respect that hes repping his culture and staying strong and seems very close with his family. 

xiao xiong’s cantonese tongue twisters with the badminton LOL that made me laugh, he just seems so pure

man im sad that xiao zhi’s group is least popular, so they’ll likely be broken up. MAN if xiao zhi gets eliminated ill be sad......... hopefully he’ll get saved and jus reshuffled bc it may be cool to see him in a different context. itll be weird to imagine him as a side addition rather than the main pillar of a group tho. 

yall at this rate hyt’s group is gonna win this competition and idk how i feel about that even tho i like them. 

[rqs902]

.

LOL MTY AS MA ZHENNAN IM CRYING HAHAHHAHAHA the rap with the hat covering his face and the running around im ded. i appreciate da xi and rainbow’s silliness too but i think mty was just so extra and was so out of his normal sleepy looking state LOL

im just laughing at how much tyler is laughing at everything LOL

aw just seeing tyler’s outfit makes me think that yingge and ruiyang have had a big influence on him haha yingge really looking out for him like an older brother by arranging to have cake to celebrate tyler’s birthday 

L O L liao juntao is comforting szb by telling him to not mind the haters bc he shouldnt care about them, he doesnt even know who they are. and then the next second being like “你就說你愛不愛你哥哥” and being like “HE NEVER SAYS ITTTTT” SMH HAHHAHAHA hes the dorkiest older bro that you can rely on to give you encouragement when you’re down but also will no doubt embarrass you beyond belief in public 

hm :\ i see they tried to address the zhang yang issue concisely. i mean, i guess its better than them completely ignoring the fact that there was an issue. but it seems like they painted it as zhang yang having anger / emotional control issues and they were about to force him to leave but xiao zhi and yang runze begged them and zhang yang felt regret and sad so they let him stay. and he has since started to open up about his feelings more. this feels like such a sterilized retelling of what happened, i still dont really feel like we can actually understand what happened. but from xiao zhi, yrz, and zhang yang’s weibo posts they all insist that theyre being treated well by the show and not to worry, bc zhang yang’s got his feelings sorted out soooo idk but i wouldnt be surprised if that was something they had to do to get tencent to let zhang yang stay on the show tho

surprisingly, or maybe not so surprisingly considering his younger age and personality, yrz’s post is the most direct and he basically just simplified it down to them having worked hard on their composition but the tencent crew told them to change it and zhang yang got frustrated and angry. it got recorded and leaked and blown up so much that zhang yang felt really bad about it afterwards. 

we’ll probably never really understand everything that happened, but i guess all we can do is be grateful that tencent forgave him (bc he probs does not want a career of being blacklisted by tencent... seems like career suicide) even if there was or was not fault on both sides. im really hoping he feels alright. especially bc their group is doing so well on the show, its a good opportunity for them to gain more fans. 

it is so hard to keep track of these kids’ demographic info bc its not on the show’s wikipedia page or anything so i struggle to keep track without a collated place to look up info, but if i remember correctly i believe yrz is like 18? zhang yang was born in like 97? and xiao zhi 95? (could be wrong) but if that’s true, xiao zhi is like 25..... can we talk about this real quick? bc it must be a lot for someone like yrz being 18 to be going through all this, but it also must be real difficult for xiao zhi, can you imagine? trying to be the oldest bro, trying to keep them together, comforting and encouraging, responsible and depended on, and can you imagine the amount of 包容 he must have? and the fact that he didnt even want to be with zhang yang at first but has grown to appreciate him so much and the fact that hes the least popular one out of their trio, but is also the one keeping their whole team grounded? wild. i mean all that considered, i think im starting to be a xiao zhi fan. and a big part of it is the way he performs on stage, so free and with such enjoyment, but honestly this whole thing is a part of it too. 

lol xu yang telling xiao huang straight up “are you really happy? you said you dont get much screentime and now you’ve been separated from xiao li” -- BIG OOF. too real. omg that directness just hits you like a ton of bricks. rip

man i wish xiao huang and xiao li could reunite but also xiao li getting zero screentime when they flash to hyt’s group right after? sad. 

o i heard about yyg leaving the show but i didnt realize it was because he has an injury o gosh i hope he’s okay...... i thought he would’ve left bc he wanted to, but this feels more like hes being forced to, like he has no choice and he didnt actually want to leave his friends :( i was in disbelief that he’d just leave his friends, so i guess this makes sense, its just more sad. 

tbh watching the elims so far, i only cried when yyg was talking about how he couldn’t feel his legs but he still didnt want to leave his friends behind. even when the kids who are leaving were announced, it didnt leave as big of an impact, but maybe its because of the way they announce them all at once. the reshuffling... i feel like its true that things havent been easy for qiang ge, but i also feel like he mightve said he wanted to reshuffle bc it would make jym look less like the bad guy if two of them brought it up instead of jym alone. i guess it kinda makes zk look sad as a result though. 

for one thing, these kids are pretty lucky at least the show doesnt force them to be or stay together. the judges made a suggestion and they were allowed to say no. 

i feel like hyt is just picking kids based on their personalities and i cant say thats a bad thing, but it is interesting that everyone else on his team is gonna sing besides himself then lol 

ljt’s team picking jym? i feel like theyll have a lot of emotions, but maybe if they all respect ljt enough itll work out 

i can see xy being with wx’s team. xiao zhi saying wsh isnt his first choice but he’ll do it for his team to be happy, im a bit concerned, esp bc tbh wsh isnt gonna help them get more votes but i guess theyre not thinking about that. xiao zhi was the only one who didnt even walk over to get wsh, even tho he was the only one that was supposed to, as f-man. we’ll see how this goes... but again he didnt want to pick zhang yang at first and apparently thats worked out well so 

hmm qiang ge’s hesitation being labeled as a sign of lack of confidence, well hes been unconfident that people want his instrument for this whole show, but now he’s also scared that he’s going to be forcing people together against their will. the whole thing between wjy and muji... literally wjy tries to appear like he doesnt care, but muji obviously cares a lot. and the fact that they literally asked muji in front of wjy if he’d be ok with working with wjy, of course muji’s gonna say its fine bc what kind of terrible person would he be if he said no to wjy’s face? ugh obviously theres something going on but qiang ge seems like hes optimistic that he can be the go-between and fix whatever there is, but thats a lot to ask for from a child his age. and then mty also? qiang ge wiping his tears for him was touching but also telling of their relationship dynamic. qiang ge is really signing up for a lot... seems a bit idealistic, but hes popular so hopefully he’ll be okay. LOL wjy awkwardly asking muji if he’ll be okay and muji saying it will and qiang ge running to get in between them. oh man. we didnt get to see it that much but if i remember correctly, wjy just tries to do too much and muji is like no stop and then struggles to get wjy to listen. 

oh rip i feel like the kids who were leftover were some of my favorite kids.......... like da xi and rainbow and even ruiyang and tyler and samhar, i was looking out for them :( im just amazed they eliminated people who have made such a unique stylistic impact on the show. but i guess they werent popular enough. also sad that yyg probably feels guilty that his leaving meant his teammates got eliminated but they also feel guilty that he stayed behind for as long as he did even though he was suffering. 

hm not gonna lie this ep was not as emotional as the snzm elims for me, and i do feel like its prob in part bc im still more invested in snzm and the kids there, but also in part just the way the elims were structured, its not as big of an emotional impact for me. announcing the kids who got eliminated at first all at once, and then the rest are just the rest left behind after the kids choose teams again. its a bit rough bc you know they have to take the instruments into consideration too, not just friendships, which i think made the saving segment of snzm so emotional. it was raw friendship and they struggled so hard to choose, and it was framed as “saving” versus here its just reshuffling. it doesnt hit you as hard that those who dont get chosen are leaving until they start walking away. its interestingly different. its discouraging that kids i liked a lot were eliminated, but theres still a few left that i care about so ill keep watching for now...