#saw a bad take on reddit once more am Irritated

[narwhalandchill]

mfw ppl To This Day keep acting like childes personal ambitions begin and end at finding strong enemies to fight and following the tsaritsas plan to its conclusion with him being some sorta loyal fanboy puppy of hers and that this guy isnt, like, genuinely unhinged to the core

[studiobeebo]

~♡ Shio, Shoyu, Miso ♡~ [1/?]

Fandom: Jujutsu Kaisen

Pairing: Megumi Fushiguro x Female (she/her) Reader

Warnings: None

Words: 1.9K

Genre: y’all already know it’s just gonna be fluff

A/N: so i made a lil thing sorta based off this cute thing i saw on reddit. idk what i’m doing pls don’t ask.

reblogs are greatly appreciated as they are the main way to get my works around so please consider doing so if you like it! enjoy!

When you had first met Megumi, you honestly didn’t think much of him.

Now, that’s not to say you didn’t find him attractive, but a cute guy around your age coming into the shop with a few of his friends just really wasn’t something very noteworthy in your life. You had only been helping your parents around your family owned ramen shop for about a year or so, but that was long enough to know that the general demographic was people who wanted a tasty, warm meal without having to blow too much money. Needless to say, teenagers fit that demographic fairly well. 

Your shop was well known in the area, but it was by no means fancy. In fact the building was a tad bit run down, you didn’t even have any decorations or anything hanging up on the walls and the entirety of it only seated maybe thirty people, so it was clear people didn’t frequent the place because of the ambiance. No, the reason you always seemed to have a steady stream of customers was that the food was simply so good that despite the lack of an enticing atmosphere or even many food options, people couldn’t help but be drawn to it. That mashed together with your friendly family and the decent prices made for a perfect little neighborhood place to eat. So again, when a group of three slightly noisy teenagers sat themselves down at one of the bar tables on the far side of the seating area, you didn’t really have any reason to bat an eye.

“Hey welcome guys!” You put on your usual cheery customer service voice as you filled their glasses with ice water, trying not to lean into any of their personal spaces. “Your options are salt, soy, or miso ramen, with or without beef and or pork. Do you need some time to think about it or do you think you’re ready to order now?” 

Like you said, there weren’t many options.

“Oh, can I get soy?! Or maybe- hm, maybe I’ll have miso…”

“You’re tasteless, miso is the worst kind.”

“I bet you’ve never even tried it, Kugisaki!”

“They’re going to need a minute to think. That bit’s hard for them.” 

The taller boy with dark hair and an apparently permanent scowl on his face groaned out in annoyance, his eyes only meeting yours for a moment before he turned to yell at the other two to lower their voices. You nodded with a smile, leaving them to decide and chuckling to yourself as you moved on to ask the customers at the other tables if they were doing ok.

“Ok! Excuse me- er....crap, what was her name again Fushiguro?”

“How am I supposed to know?”

“I don’t know, usually you remember to ask the important stuff like that!”

The not-so-subtle arguing was enough to catch your attention as you made your way back over to the trio, your smile being a bit more genuine this time around in response to their odd yet funny dynamic.

“It’s (Y/N), sorry about that guys! So, what can I get for ya?”

The three of them listed off their orders and after you repeated them back for confirmation, you gave them a quick thumbs up before going back to the kitchen to put their orders in with your dad. Within a moment of your absence, Itadori was turning to Fushiguro with that excited puppy look that adorned his face almost 24/7.

“She’s kind of pretty, don’t you think?”

Fushiguro’s eye twitched, but luckily Kugisaki was quick to butt in with an argument of ‘How come you’re only asking him what he thinks, huh?!’. It was a simple question, but what annoyed him was the added use of ‘kind of’. Itadori was extremely simple, so the thought that he only thought you were ‘kind of’ pretty irritated him because how could Fushiguro be here doing a double take just to get a better look at your features every time you spoke to them while Itadori just barely took note of it? It was uncharacteristic, but he couldn’t disagree. He could tell you definitely had a slight air of putting on a cheery showiness for the sake of good customer service, but either way, you were...cute, and he was insistent on leaving it at that without bothering to admit to it out loud.

“I hope you both know you’re paying for yourselves.” He interrupted, hoping their argument had moved on from their waitress so that he wouldn’t be asked about his thoughts on you again. 

“Eh?! Since when were you so cheap!”

“Ok guys!”

The three of them jumped slightly at the sound of your voice, simultaneously turning to see you holding up a tray with three steaming bowls of ramen sat atop of it. 

“Soy with beef, soy with pork..” You listed off while setting the bowls in front of the copper haired girl and the smiley boy respectively, “And miso with no topping.” You finished, eyes flicking up to meet the dark haired boys as you placed the final bowl in front of him. It was only for a moment, but you could have sworn your saw a speckle of pink dust his cheeks before he looked away from you with a short “Thanks.”.

“Mhm, no problem.” You hummed out, scanning your eyes around the restaurant to see if you were immediately needed elsewhere before deciding to continue and indulge your interest in the three, or more specifically, your interest in the cute boy with the black hair. “So... you guys are from that traditional religious high school, right?”

The pink haired one’s eyes lit up as he struggled to finish the noodles he was halfway through slurping up so that he could speak.

“Yeah, yeah! I guess our uniforms are a giveaway..”

You laughed, leaning your back against the empty seat that sat next to them at the bar. As if you needed any further confirmation, you could tell he was the energetic extrovert of the group.

“Yeah, you don’t really see many of them around. Though I’ve heard it’s kind of a hard school to get into.”

“Pfft, maybe for normal people, it was no sweat for us.” There was that copper haired girl again with a confident look on her face as she too stopped eating to interject, though you hardly took what she said in a bad way as she didn’t seem to mean any harm from it.

“That so? Guess I’ll have to call you guys next time I’m having trouble with my classes, I swear I can barely manage the workload I get.”

“Haha I feel that, I actually started school elsewhere but I just transferred a few months ago! Oh- I’m Itadori by the way! This is Kugisaki, and Fushiguro’s the sulking rude one!”

“Hey.” Fushiguro finally stopped his eavesdropping to join in, sending a glare Itadori’s way, but he just seemed to brush it off as if he’d been under his friends' scrutiny plenty of times before. After a moment though he turned back to you, though as much as he wanted to say something to you, he didn’t really know what to say. He wasn’t like Itadori or Kugisaki who could just strike up a conversation with anyone anywhere, but while he turned over his conversational options in his head, you pushed away from where you had previously been leaning and gave a sheepish, apologetic smile that easily brought his attention away from his thoughts. 

“No no you’re good- Sorry, I should be leavin’ you guys to eat anyway. Just call me over when you’re ready to pay or if you need anything, alright?” You spoke, your words being directed more towards who you now knew as ‘Fushiguro’, however it was his two friends who responded with an affirmation before going back to their meals.

Once again you were off to tend to other tables and do the other tidbits of your job, though this time your head was filled with questions galore. Did Jujutsu Tech students come into town often, or was this some special outing? What grades were the three of them in? And most importantly, you wondered if they would ever be coming back? You weren’t one to get flustered or form crushes easily, but you had to admit you were a bit taken by Fushiguro. He was cute, sure, but he had a cool, mature air about him that could make anyone be left wanting to know more about him, especially because most of the conversation you did have was with his friends and not him. However once again your mental flow was interrupted by Itadori waving you over, barely waiting for you to make your way by their side to start speaking while the three of them handed over their respective payments.

“That was crazy good, (Y/N), we’ll have to come by some time again if that’s ok!”

“It’s not like she’s the one making it, Itadori.”

“You realize that a restaurant’s whole goal is to get people to come back, right? Of course it’s ‘ok’..”

Despite Fushiguro’s matter-of-fact statement, his eyes still shifted to yours as if he secretly wanted to know if you wanted them to come back as well and the smile you gave him in return only solidified the fact that he wanted to return either way. Though of course he boiled that down to ‘The service was good and so was the food’, but part of him knew that was bullshit.

“I’d love to see you guys around again!” You said, collecting up their empty bowls as you spoke. “I work most weekends and some days after class so you should try to stop in while I’m here.”

“Hell yeah!” Itadori exclaimed as the three of them got up from their seats one after the other, Kugisaki and Itadori saying their goodbye’s as they pardoned their way through the tables and other customers to leave, though Fushiguro stayed behind for a moment, a hand rubbing at the back of his neck as he spoke.

“...Sorry about them, it’s practically like wrangling preschoolers whenever we aren’t on du- er, in class.” 

He knew the apology wasn’t necessary and that you didn’t seem all that bothered by either of his friends’ lively personalities, but he found himself feeling a bit...left out in the fact that he had yet to really speak to you. Why he even felt compelled to speak to you in the first place was a mystery, but he figured that was one question that didn’t really need an answer for right now.

“Oh, it’s no problem.” You laughed, giving another smile as you tried your hardest to not act as fidgety as you were feeling on the inside. “I mean- I’ve got friends like that too so I-“

“Excuse me?” 

A polite voice cut you off halfway through your sentence and you turned to see an older woman waving you over, clearly not wanting to be rude but wanting your attention nevertheless.

“Sorry-“

“You’re fine!” You sputtered out, maybe a bit too excited as you slowly backed away from him, “I’ll see you around if you guys stop by again, huh, Fushiguro?”

His eyes widened slightly, a bit surprised by that hopeful tone to your voice before he nodded, a small smile tugging at the corner of his lips and a bit of slightly shameful excitement tugging at his heart. 

“Yeah, we’ll- I’ll see you around.”

[destroyyourbinder]

looking at instagram

There are hazy pictures of children having fun in spring-green new grass, the sun or maybe the filter sparkling. A photo of a man laughing, relaxed, he's wearing a soft cotton shirt, and it's not wrinkled. Dynamic black and white photos of people my acquaintance knows, a coworker, herself, their skin texture looks like granite, like muslin, like acrylic sculpting medium, like something under lights that's very "Interesting," to men in glasses holding wine and pontificating like bowerbirds strutting over little pebbles and bits of fur.

I'm angry. I look like dough, like a laundry pile at the end of a week, maybe two. I'm custard piled on itself, dingy men's shorts pulled up way too high over the bottom dollop. Nobody's captivated by my pock marks or my uneven peach fuzz. I look like who my mom was afraid I was going to be, except I'm not even that exciting, I'm a monster made of felt cut out by shaky kindergarten hands and unraveling tape. Dandruff gets under my fingers when I scratch my head. There's no social media where I can post the sensation of my stomach gurgling after I eat fistfuls of mozzarella from the fridge, and nobody would Like it anyway. When I shave my head there is no confident, bold, sharp picture I can take, tattooed and muscular arm curved up over my new haircut to casually hold the phone. There's just tiny bits of hair in the bathroom rug and yellow light that makes my face look puffier than I thought it was.

I feel the bile rise in my throat. So-and-so bought a house, my sister bought a house, friend after friend after friend is having a dinner party, moving to California, getting married at a place with "Estate" in the name. There's pictures, lots of pictures, of breezy nights and big smiles, a colorful world of delight and ease, everything I wanted from life incarnated in the bodies of straight people and lesbians prettier and happier than me. I pull a piece of cat hair out of my teeth and listen to the neighbors shouting at each other on the street, and I imagine what it would be like if my body didn't ache, didn't feel like a jumble of nonsense the consistency of dogshit and balsa wood. My apartment smells like mold. I make nine-sixty-something an hour after taxes. I don't know how to use Instagram because at twenty-whatever I've managed to become both old and out of touch, but I do know how to let Instagram make me feel bad.

In the photo, a guy I know looks rugged, cheeky, like a man with a story to tell but who might pull a quarter out from behind your ear instead. In reality, he's an old gay guy who both lurches and flops about at the same time, his too-large T-shirts hanging off his hunched shoulders. When he's feeling sprightly, he does a little ungainly but joyful Charleston, a grin on his face goofier than his little kicks, which show off the dirty bottoms of his fluorescent Converse shoes. I see him a lot in the back office at work or the break room, which are dim and yellow, making his ruddy face and greying stubble an undifferentiated jowly mass. But this guy also has lots of pictures of his own, that he shows me sometimes, of himself when young, with friends all dressed up in alternative 80s gear, all eyeliner and teased white hair. He smiles when he flips through the pictures. I don't know what he is remembering. I see a lot of cool people I've never met; he tells me this picture was even used in an ad for a local fashion hotspot back in the day. Then, swiping up and down with his fingers, still smiling but using a tone of voice that's a particularly terrifying variety of cheerful sarcasm, he tells me most of the people in these pictures are dead.

He knows I know why.

When I scroll through that woman's Instagram I am angry, maybe, because there's nobody to see me, nobody to remember what I did. The endless dullness that characterizes my days is not something I myself remember; I have the barest sense at all, even, that it is too dull for memory. There is something particularly disgusting to me that this is how most women have lived their lives, a parade of dishes and diapers, the inside of their heads taken up by minutiae about the state of the carpet and lists of birthdays. I've fallen headfirst into it, softly, like a particularly cushy pie on a grandmother's windowsill or the pillowy bosom of a schoolmarm. As a child I was particularly offended I was not noticed for who I was, or who I thought myself to be, at least, and what my mom did manage to notice was a nitpicking ritual of continual impropriety; what was on the floor but shouldn't be, what spot I missed on the counter with a sponge, which hairs were out of place and what crumbs were in the corners of my lips, what smile wasn't on my face and when. In retrospect I don't know if I was more offended on my behalf or hers, and if I was a selfish little shit about it whether I was more enraged by the idea that I was lost under her omnipresent fussing or that my proper development into a woman involved filling my head with such an eye.

I used to scream at her that I would not become like her, and I guess I didn't. I'm gay, for one, and live in a city, full of the types of people she imagines when she neurotically checks and rechecks the locks on her doors. I don't have children, a husband, a credit card, a mortgage, but I do have what I never wanted from the legacy of women, which is enormous spans of time where I fiddle with a sponge, a spoon, tiny meaningless papers, buttons on a cash register. As a child-- and embarrassingly, as an adult ill-prepared for reality-- I screamed because I insisted by the declaration of my lungs that my life would be different, it would be about intensity, perceptiveness, truth, integrity, adventures, journeys, big huge concepts that would bowl me over and spill out of me like a living mystic channeling forces of the universe. I used to read for hours and hours as a child, usually epic fantasy or science fiction I probably shouldn't have been allowed to put into my prepubescent brain; sometimes I used to hang upside down off the couch and read upside down just for the hell of it, to shake my world up a bit. I moved onto philosophy and hours of mopey music through headphones in the dark when I got older. I was delusional about what my life would be like, about what life would make me into. The big huge concept that would end up bowling me over was mediocrity, mundaneness, the stuff men on Reddit call women "vapid" for.

Hannah Arendt was a really smart woman, the kind of woman I thought I might be someday. She said a whole lot of shit that was really deep, and when I was still chasing the highs of thinking that there were neat-o discoveries to be made in this world that made you Somebody to see them, I thought that "the banality of evil" was the most profound thing I ever heard. When I encountered it for real it wasn't profound, just banal indeed. Evil is soul-sucking in a special fucking way, it sucks the life out of you in the way that alcohol shuts off first the part of your brain that lets you know you're drunk. Something's gone and you're all screwed up about it but you're gone in a way that won't let you know what left, there's just rage disguised as irritability and crud on the counter and a bus that doesn't show up. Sometimes you get to look right into the sucking hole, a yawning abyss of multi-generational societal depravity and institutional apathy, when you're sitting next to a homeless woman on a bench downtown with legs so swollen she couldn't go anywhere even if she had someplace to go. I gave her five dollars on most days of my commute because I hoped at least she could eat something, and she deserved the dignity of being seen by somebody, but honestly she needed somewhere to sleep and a bunch of somebodies to do something about her health. A lot of fucking evil had to happen to a lot of people for buildings full of suits to exist on the same block as this lady. A lot of fucking evil had to happen for people to accept this as normal.

What evil has to happen for women to accept their lot, whether it's accepting that the cumulative buzz of your life-inspiration be directed towards holding up a glass in a particularly enrapturing photo on Instagram, or whether it's accepting that you're gonna have to spend another night on the bench? I cry sometimes knowing that no one will remember my mother; all she will leave behind is a gravestone next to a man's and a legacy of psychological scars on her daughters, who nobody will bother to remember either. My mother's life is worth a book or two, but I couldn't get it out of her even if I tried. I don't think my mom even knows she has a story, just petty dramas she tries to escalate into a validation that she hasn't disappeared yet because she can hurt somebody. I don't know the homeless lady's story or how she ended up begging on a bench downtown each day. I hope with all my heart she finds a place to live out her life, a little home where she can use a scooter and have enough to eat, where five dollars isn't the difference between confirmation of the world's cruelty and God's presence. She showed me a video once on her phone of a preacher that she followed, a woman who she said she saw at a big church event in the South; she could go places once, and I don't know how she ended up so she couldn't go anywhere anymore. Maybe she doesn't know-- maybe when you can't go anywhere anymore the point is that you don't think you got there and you don't think you're getting out, you're just there right now, but also always were and somehow forever will be. Maybe you're watching buses go by all damn day and feeling your tongue go numb from saying "spare a dollar", or maybe your finger's getting red from wiping the snot under your kid's nose, time passing only when the tissues are gone. They don't take shots of this shit. There's no filter for "life's over, but not yet."

I wish what I felt could become great art, maybe even just shitty art, that it could mean something, that I was something; dudes have generations of scholarship-worship trailing behind them because they wrote paeans to being existentially bored, because they discovered what it's like to look at a damn soup can and slapped it in a museum. Maybe I'm just jealous, but, you know, I used to stock groceries, and I spent a lot of my time looking at damn soup cans. I think I now know why Val shot him.

[sertralineandcbd]

IX of pentacles

again, another cryptic title...but i promise, it’s relevant.

ever since my third or fourth day being back “home”, i’ve been reading my daily tarot reading on my phone. i’m not much of a believer in that stuff but it’s kept me in a state of wonder and it gives me something to expect. the IX of pentacles states: “after much hard work, this card indicates a time of opulence and luxury, all resulting in a feeling of satisfaction, emotional comfort, and peace. all of this is due to one’s intelligence and self-control and represents an achievement that has lasted over a lifetime.”

i’m hoping this reigns true in some sort of way. i feel like my life so far has just been bad luck back to back. it seems like i can’t even get a glimmer of hope of something stable and that positively affects me without getting let down soon after. even with the whole job offer thing -- i had my fingers crossed -- i was like, “please please please just give me this. just give me something to work hard on. give me a platform to fuel my career...” but no.

i’m not even sure what this post is about really, i think it’s just me reflecting on how distraught i am and how hopeless i feel once again.

i got back from the studio not too long ago and the journey back home can be quite difficult yet reflective. i always listen to music my entire journey, so it’s nice, but it also forces me to be sort of alone with my thoughts and feelings. sometimes i think about how hurt i feel, how sad i feel, how much i wish things would just work and all the things that happened. sometimes i’m typing or thinking or on a train of thought and it just all short circuits. i’m not sure if it’s because i genuinely forget or that my brain is choosing to: 

avoid avoid avoid.

right now just writing about stuff and putting myself in this position is making my jaw ache and clench up. my body constantly feels like i’ve been hit by a truck, especially when i wake up first thing. recently i’ve been having some stomach pains and i’m not sure if its the post traumatic stress or nothing. 

but yeah, im lost. i just wish i was happy.

despite everything, i’m still sticking with what i’ve always believed to be true: everything happens for a reason. i know that although me and no. 3 had so much compatibility in terms of interests and the way we view many things/our opinions, he wasn’t a good partner emotionally nor in a true love sort of sense.

i actually saw something today or last night that spoke on abusive relationships - an infographic that displayed it all. the title is: quick telltale signs of an abusive relationship. the text reads:

- the relationship progressed very quickly

- you’re always looking for signs your partner is about to get angry

- you often feel like you’re walking on eggshells

- you sometimes feel afraid of your partner’s reaction to something

- you see friends or family behind your partner’s back

- deleting innocent emails and messages as you don’t want your partner to get the wrong idea

- you feel responsible for your partner’s feelings or actions

- you do things you don’t want to do to keep the peace

- your partner often overrides your feelings or wishes when making decisions

- you avoid bringing up subjects that may set your partner off

- you feel that you are worthless and that no one else would want you

- you feel like you can’t do anything right

AND ALL OF THESE WERE TRUE.

honestly, i’ve written several posts on this blog but i haven’t felt as distressed as i do right now thinking and feeling and talking about it all. i feel as though i’ve also become a lot more irritable - not only around family but around friends too. i don’t want to be that way and that’s certainly not what i’m like, but the high stress, tension, and trauma kill me inside and i guess that’s how it manifests.

i think i also dissociated for the first time today. i was sitting in the studio creating music with the group and i just started drifting away, eyes glazed over, kinda stepped outside of my body for a bit.

these are reasons why i think things are getting worse in a way. in a way they are also not as i am not in quarantine like i was when i first arrived -- i have less of a schedule (aka stay home and watch youtube, make food, work, or do my embroidery stuff), i don’t cry every day, i don’t wake up at 4, i’m not sleeping on a couch, i’m not as heartbroken in the way i was (it’s a different sort of “hurt”), i’m not having serious suicidal thoughts like i was, i’m able to scroll on reddit (after unfollowing MANY subreddits), i’m not intruded CONSTANTLY with TERRIBLE thoughts where i have to distract myself so intensely that i can’t even take a shower....so, in many ways it’s gonna better when it comes to the day to day...

but in terms of the lasting effects and the PTS, i don’t believe so. it’s in fact the opposite.

[preserving-ferretbrain]

Another Last Chance to See

by Sonia Mitchell

Monday, 30 November 2009Sonia finds out whether learning about conservation can work as light entertainment.

Oooh! This is in the Axis of Awesome!~

In the nineteen-eighties Douglas Adams and Mark Carwardine went on a trip to Madagascar to search for the aye-aye. This one-off trip led to Last Chance to See, a radio series that sent them all over the world looking for rare, amazing and often bizarre creatures. Adams then wrote a book of the same name about the experience, which brought the project to a slightly different audience to most conservation books, given that his Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy series had made him a best-selling humorous science fiction author.

Apparently Adams and Carwardine had discussed doing a reunion tour before Adams's unexpected death appeared to put a stop to such thoughts. However, last year Carwardine began to retrace his steps, accompanied by another Footlights veteran - Stephen Fry. The series aired in the UK in late Autumn on Sunday evenings, and I was able to catch quite a lot of it.

One of the striking things separating the series from standard nature documentaries is the excellent graphic design work. There's a good feel for it on

the website

, but it excels in the programmes themselves. In particular the animation at the beginning of each episode is extremely good, with a 3-dimensional earth made of metal opening a door in the appropriate spot, and a metal animal coming out of the earth, cuckoo-clock style. It manages to evoke an appropriate clockwork 'running out of time' image, but at the same time use genuinely attractive design. There's a rustic steampunk (or clockpunk, if you must) atmosphere that diffuses what could have been a very heavy-handed metaphor. The fusion of the old metal and antique map imagery really sets the series apart from the usual fashion in natural history programming of favouring only photography.

The series doesn't fall entirely into the natural history category, though, being presented as more of a travelogue. The book functioned in a similar way, being more about the experience of going to see animals that the scientific facts about them. The book was more entertaining about it, being narrated entirely by Adams in contrast to the TV series which, being a different medium, tells the story mostly visually. Also Fry moans a bit, and while Adams may have complained a fair amount, his complaints were wrapped in wit ('I didn't notice I was being set upon by a pickpocket, which I am glad of, because I like to work only with professionals') while Fry gets less funny the more irritated he is. His narration is generally enjoyable, but on screen - though mostly likeable - he's sometimes a little eye-rolling.

Fry is also less convincing than Adams in his enthusiasm for nature. Both men occupy a role of being the ignorant one to Mark Carwardine's expert, the one who asks the questions about the animals and sees them for the first time. However the experience moved Adams and gave him a real interest in conservation that shines through in his non-fiction post-Last Chance, and even saw him climb Mount Kilimanjaro in aid of the rhinoceros. Expecting a conversion so remarkable a second time is pushing it a bit, and it isn't all that surprising that Fry, although interested in the species they find, is obviously not about the dive into that world. But it makes him fade in comparison with Adams.

Fortunately we have Mark Carwardine to save us, who is obsessed enough to carry the programme. And in the interests of declaring a bias, I'll mention that I have a huge crush on him and then move swiftly on. Although he came across as knowledgeable and interesting (if grumpy) in the book, he was depicted very much as the straight man. In the TV series he demonstrates consistent good humour and a very likeable warmth towards his subjects. He's also able to gently mock Fry's ridiculous moments, and do a lot of the explaining about nature in a very accessible way.

I guess I should probably mention the animals at some point, too. In comparison with a traditional nature documentary one could argue that the animal footage is disappointing, but that would be missing the point somewhat. The focus of the series is on how difficult the animals are to find, and therefore how difficult it is to obtain any shots at all. When the footage comes, it's all the more meaningful because there's a real chance each time that they won't get it. Showing the difficulties brings home how endangered these animals really are.

A memorable moment from the kakapo episode was when one of the project leaders mentioned that they still get occasional donations from people who've read Adam's book and put a little money in an envelope for them. I found that oddly moving, because it's not at all surprising. The kakapo chapter is one of the best and most heartbreaking, and like a lot of other people I fell in love with the odd little birds when I read it. I have to admit that I wasn't expecting to see a kakapo doing it's best to shag Mark Carwardine when I watched the episode, but apparently donations to the foundation have since rocketed so it's probably worth it (and I don't blame the kakapo one bit).

I think the best episode was the Madagascar one, which combined lots of awesome lemurs with a really good explanation of why Madagascar is in trouble and what people are doing to fight it. The guy heading up the tree planting project was inspiring, with his long term plan to once again reconnect areas of forest with vital passages of trees. It was also really good coverage of the disaster that sisal is, and the damage that a Green Agenda can do if wielded by people who don't care enough to find out exactly what they're demanding. At the same time, it didn't feel preachy - it was interesting. And lemurs are fun little creatures with an astonishing variety of sub-species that make for varied footage, especially the sifaka that went leaping across the ground. Not to mention that any explorer-type series should have a jungle episode.

To have a bit of a Scrooge McDuck moment, I was less keen on the final episode. They were unable to return to China to search for the Yangtze River Dolphin because it's sadly probably extinct. This is an entirely reasonable excuse for not going. However in lieu of the dolphin they instead went searching for the Blue Whale, which I was less happy about. Partly this is personal preference, but partly I think making the blue whale the finale somewhat contradicts the original point of the series. To my mind, it was about the realities of conservation. The first trip wasn't about searching only for the iconic creatures - many of them were ones people wouldn't have heard of, and they certainly weren't all pretty or even emotionally appealing. It wasn't a Big Five of Africa or anything so gauche.

The Yangtze Rive Dolphin is a good example, actually. As dolphins go, it was pretty ugly and hardly in the book at all. The chapter was well-told, but full of frustration as Adams and Carwardine tried to make sense of what was going on in the dolphins' world. The blue whale, on the other hand, is world famous, and seeing a whale's tale poking up from the sea is no doubt magnificent if you're there, and you like whales, but on TV it was nothing new. It wasn't a

bad

episode, but they were clearly trying to end with a magnificent icon and ended up delivering something rather mundane (and, I felt, self-indulgent). I preferred it when they focused on something more obscure and told a story I wouldn't get from anyone else.

However, to go back to praising the series, I still thought it was a lot more enjoyable than most conservation-slanted programmes. I definitely think there's a need for serious documentaries which keep the narrator in the background, but something lighter which shows them struggling with the terrain, or their wetsuits, also gives a valuable insight into how the world of pristine footage connects to the world of the viewer. It didn't move and inspire me in the way Adams's book did, but it was interesting, entertaining and educational. There's a good chance I'll be buying it on DVD when it comes out, and I'd happily recommend it to anyone with even a vague interest in animals.

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TV & Movies

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Arthur B

at 14:34 on 2009-11-30

I have to admit that I wasn't expecting to see a kakapo doing it's best to shag Mark Carwardine when I watched the episode, but apparently donations to the foundation have since rocketed so it's probably worth it (and I don't blame the kakapo one bit).

It's pretty much the only part of the show I caught thanks to the BBC

plugging it shamelessly on their site

. I'm sorry to say I avoided watching the programme itself, probably because I'm undergoing an adverse reaction to Stephen Fry's omnipresence. Don't get me wrong, he's a charming and intelligent man with a uniquely soothing voice, but the man's

everywhere

these days... I may have to catch this on the repeats (or if it's still on iPlayer) though, it does sound fantastic.

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Sonia Mitchell

at 19:46 on 2009-12-01Yes, do take a look if you get the chance. BBC plugging aside, the show itself balanced the serious and the silly very well. Definitely not in the make-a-lot-of-noise-and-try-to-grab-the-animal category of wildlife film-making.

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http://opheliastorn.livejournal.com/

at 09:43 on 2009-12-03Ooh, yes, Mark Cawardine is a darling. My friend's house is now plus one plush kakapo thanks to his adventures (it's a puppet. It does horrible things).

I enjoyed the series, though I had the same reservations about the Blue Whale as you did, and each episode left me a bit D: for the animals and the Douglaslessness. And thanks for the reminder to send some money to the kakapo folks next payday!

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Sonia Mitchell

at 13:45 on 2012-05-03As an addendum to this article, I've since been to a couple of Carwardine's lectures, and I thoroughly recommend them. He's a very likeable speaker and his talks are completely accessible to non-experts. Plus his photography really is world class (he just stepped down but previously he chaired the Wildlife Photographer of the Year Panel).

Also he's not usually particularly expensive to see.

[welllbeing]

THINGS THAT I LIKE ABOUT MY BEST FRIEND

is it possible to have a friend crush?? like I really really really love him a lot and I will talk about him all day but I’m not in love, I love him as a best friend. does that make sense? idk. anyway.

• he calls me every day when he wakes up, calls me when he’s bored, and then calls me when he’s in bed to say goodnight and even though he sometimes interrupts my day its still nice to know that I’m important enough to call like that lol.

• even though we pick on each other a lot he takes the time to stop and let me know that he’s only kidding and will proceed to tell me how he actually feels about me so I dont feel bad.

• he always comes up with silly nicknames for me like ‘noodle head’ because I have curly hair but then he also uses a lot of pet names like ‘selina baby’ and ‘baby boo’ and shit

• he freaks out when I dont feel well. like if I have a headache for two days he nags me about going to the doctor. and if he thinks I’m late on my period (because somehow he knows that) he does the same thing.

• he gets jealous/protective with me when other people are in the picture. mostly other guys but when I hang out with my girl friends he gets jealous too

• he lives a couple of states over and he’s always offering to buy me a plane ticket to go there because he says he needs me to be happy with his life and I think that’s adorable

• every time I say I’m fat, even jokingly, he reassures me that I’m not, tells me that he’s proud of me for doing all that I have, and then either gives me the ‘weight doesnt matter’ talk or finds some way to make me laugh instead

• there have been a couple of times where I’ve been a little irritated and answered the phone with 'what do you want?’ and sometimes I do it jokingly and every single time he says 'you’

• he talks to me in a bunch of funny voices just to get on my nerves

• he says if he isnt already married within the next four years that we’re getting married lmao

• every time he’s about to go on a date with a girl he freaks out so he calls me for like a pep talk the day before

• we can talk about really weird shit and he doesnt judge or anything. this morning we researched how different foods make your cum taste because I saw something on reddit about minty cum and was really confused. it turned out to be a hilarious conversation because he was just like 'WHAT THE FUCK’ the entire time 😂😂

• he gets concerned about my eating habits even though he doesnt know about my ed (i think) so he will randomly ask what I ate that day and if he doesnt think I’ve had enough he bugs me until I eat something

• he does joke about how little I eat sometimes but then he’s like 'no but seriously I really just want you to be healthy’. I still dont eat enough to his standards but I’m working my way up there.

• he calls me cute even when I think I look like shit and took a picture of me without makeup and messy hair and just looking disgusting but he set it as his background on his phone because he likes it

• I watch him play video games a lot and he’s always so angry and aggressive when he plays against other people but when I play with him on this one game he loses a lot and he says its because he cant get mad at me so he’s no good at the game when I’m playing lmao. I think he just lets me win tbh

• he has social anxiety but he says that its always been easy to talk to me, even when we didnt really know each other, so thats how he knows that I’m a good friend

• this one involves a short story. I have this other guy that I was friends with and we would get high and drink together and do video chats every other night and mess around with each other and it was kind of like that 'we’re friends but I’m totally dtf if you are’ situation like I’ve seen his dick and he’s seen me half naked and we talked about like what if he were together like that, it was kinda all in fun, but he ended up telling me that he only talked to me to make his ex jealous and got with her and of course she hated me so I stopped talking to him for a while. idk if hes not with her again or if he is just being genuine and trying to be friends but he’s been telling me that he misses talking to me and stuff and I’m not gonna lie, I miss it too. like even before the sexual tension started he was a cool friend and we had a lot of fun so I’ve been kinda talking to him a little more and more. but my best friend doesnt like him at all like every time I say his name he gets all pissy and tries to talk me out of hanging out with the other guy to just be with him instead and even though I’m friends with them both I think thats kinda funny

• every time he’s out and drunk out of his mind he calls me to let me know that he’s okay. even if its at 4am.

• if I dont reply to his calls or texts for a while he gets super anxious and needy so his texts will be like: where are you?? its been like 5 hours what are you doing? dont die on me I just want the attention that I deserve loVE ME and then when i finally text or call him back he acts like ive been gone for five months and pretends to be mad about it lmao

• when he’s depressed he kinda gets angry easier and doesnt really feel like talking much so he usually will isolate himself but he still will call me or tell me to come over just to literally be there because he won’t say anything for hours so we just sit there but he always says that it helps just knowing that I’m there and iT MAKES MY HEART HURT

• he smokes weed a lot but he hates that I do other drugs because he’s paranoid that im gonna od one day so we have made these agreements when it comes to my drug use. 1: I’m only allowed to use cocaine once and that is with him on new years because he knows that I want to try it but he doesnt really want me to so he tried to find a middle ground. I get to try it but he gets the satisfaction of knowing that I only get to try it once. 2: when I move in with him I can smoke but he doesnt want me doing anything else as much as I do now 3: When I am high, he usually wants me to tell him what it is and what it does so he’s aware and if it turns out bad he can make sure I don’t do it again. I dont like that he doesnt like it but I can see why he wouldnt and just the fact that he cares enough to do any of that is nice.

• I feel like he’s super easy to talk to and even though there are things that I havent told him about and am kind of afraid to tell him about I know that in reality he’d be totally cool about it so idk why I’m scared

• I could be feeling like total shit but even just hearing him say hi makes me feel better

• just everything okay idk he’s literally the perfect friend ugh this post is so mushy and gross wow but im probably gonna add more

[datingadviceonreddit]

This will be long, but I go through the mess I went through this year. It is a crazy story, so read if you’d like, but please do take some stuff from it all, so you don’t do what I did.So first of all, not every Redditor is going to be right, but everybody puts their non-biased opinions in, which helps a lot. Unfortunately, I did not take these tips and opinions, and put myself through a lot to get to where I am today.Last year around this time, I made this post: https://ift.tt/2Q6vnMn highly suggest taking a look at that and some of the comments.I never updated everybody on this, but that girl broke up with me at that time because she had cheated on me, and she felt horrible about it, so she felt like leaving was the easiest option, however, I found out what she did not too long after.It has been nearly a year since that post was made. Let me tell you all what has happened in that year. This will be a long post but hopefully it will all give you insight to what I’ve gone through.After I found out that she had cheated on me, a few days after I made that post, I texted her that I knew what she did, and she wanted to talk over phone, not text. I didn’t want to talk that night, I was so frustrated, so I told her very politely that we would talk in the morning but I know what she has done and goodnight. So, we had about an hour and a half conversation about what all happened. She cried and said she’s so sorry, and I said it’s okay and I’m here if she needs anything. I had a snapchat streak with her, and now that I think about it, the night she broke up, she sent me a streak picture of the guy that she cheated on me with. Very disheartening stuff, that hurt my feelings.Anyways, all of December passes and we don’t talk any. I invite her brother and some friends of mine that lived 2 houses down from them out to my house to hang. So anyways, we all hang and then the next day, I drop off her brother and he tells me to come in. I said I didn’t really feel comfortable to, but he said to do it anyways. So I walk in their house and everyone is sitting in the living room. They all say hey and all, and tell me to take a seat. The only empty seat in the room was right beside, well you know it, my ex girlfriend. So I sit down and I notice her staring kind of at me out of the corner of my eye, and I’m thinking,”Oh lord.” We do eventually talk some and I told the family I had to go to my other friends house because they wanted me to spend the night (the friends were the ones 2 houses down). So I say my goodbyes and go to my friends house. When I get there, my friends start getting defensive and were asking me why I was at her house and I said to drop off her brother and all. They were very skeptical. All of the people in that house didn’t want me getting back with her or even talking to her, they knew she’d hurt me. After everybody questions me, I get a text from her telling me that if I want cookies, she is cooking them and she’d like for me to get some. I told her no thanks but thanks for the offer and she’s all cool with it.Well, blah blah blah, let me skip a few things, we eventually start talking and being with each other more, so of course, we start dating. It was pretty good at first, however, I still stressed about her cheating and stuff and the past repeating itself. She reassured me that it would be okay but I still sometimes got worried. Skip another month, she gets to go to another dance, but not with me. She had to book this dance before we even got back together, so she booked it with another guy. No biggie. So, I ask her not to grind on the guy or kiss him or do anything else bad and I tell her to have fun and all. I get a text from a close friend an hour into their dance (I was 7 hours away in another city) that she was grinding all over on and twerking on her date for the night. Reddit, I was so disappointed and sad. I had the literal worst feeling in my stomach that night, I felt like puking. It wasn’t because of the grinding so much as the lying. I thought she had changed and I was beginning to trust again. It felt so disrespectful. So I text her and tell her that I found out some stuff and I was very calm and told her I wanted to break up. She got pretty agitated because she said she was pressured into it, and it slowly turned into an argument. Anyways, we stay together, but she goes and tells her family about our argument, and she makes a big scene, and I felt absolutely belittled and embarrassed. I texted her parents about how I was sorry, but I didn’t even start anything. I made myself look worst. Anyways, the parents were chill but they didn’t believe me. They said she couldn’t hardly move in her dress, much less dance or twerk. Yeah right. I never argued though.Skip forward some, things seem to be taking a turn for the worst, and so I figured to fix it, I’d get her a diamond promise ring. So she could always wear it on her finger and keep her promises. I guess that was a pretty naive thing for me to think. Nothing really changed. That night was the first time I had made out and I felt great, but nothing really changed.After almost one more month, we discussed it and we broke up. However, we still stayed in contact. Anyways, I make a slight mistake. This was my first relationship so I was so naive in so many things. So, this girl messages me and begs me for some pics or some crap, so I send them. And they are not the best pics, if you all catch my drift. My then ex and I were most definitely broken up, I’d never EVER cheat at all. But I still felt like I had to apologize to her (Naive, I know). So, I told her to promise to keep a secret and I told her right after it happened. I felt like trash, I blocked the girl that asked and left it be. Anyways, I figured she wouldn’t tell anyone, I’ve kept her secrets that she has told me. I was WRONG!!!We are sitting in an awards thing on stage, and we are towards the back. It’s mostly for seniors so there was nothing for us to do at the time, so we were looking at instagram and stuff. Now this girl like to talk to her exes often, and so much so, she showed me one of their text’s she thought was funny. It was not to me. She thought it was funny because he was getting mad because she “didn’t text him often”. Okay, whatever. What got me; he said,”Why would you want to talk to someone who would send pictures to another girl.”Yeah, she told one of her exes, that was using it against me in an argument. I felt so betrayed, I basically shut down. She tried to make up to me on stage but I was so irritated. She knew she did wrong. I mean, I did too, but we weren’t even dating and she promised not to tell. I haven’t mentioned him the whole time either, but she also has this other ex, who was her first (first person she had sex with). She had the yellow heart on snapchat with him (I know, cringe, but let me explain. The Yellow heart is a token beside another persons name, which means that you were snapping that other person the most for a week straight at least. So basically, she was “talking to” her ex more than me, which is a red flag). I check her phone once ever and see that she has it with this ex of hers, and I get noticeably irritated (I told her at least 10 times I don’t like her talking to him, but I’m not going to make her do anything. I figured she’d stop on her own out of respect). She started trying to kiss me and tell me everything is alright. Yeah right. Why am I bringing this up though? The only to times she showed true compassion to our relationship was those two times (the snapchat thing and the situation where she told her other ex my secret).So that night, I was so perturbed, I went out to my car, went home after everything, and the next day, I told her I wanted to end all communication.It didn’t work.We start talking more this time. We are basically dating when this other dance happens at our school. She’s not in it though, she is helping set up for it and monitor it, however, she tells me they usually twerk in a circle and crap. I asked her not too and she basically said,” I don’t care what you say, I’m doing what I want.” So I said”okay” and just asked her not to grind on anyone and she did agree and promise to that. I’m working that night on our farm. All night long, I worry, then I just release all the stress and I just feel like I should just trust her. Everything seems to go great all night, nobody calls or texts me, and it is all nice. The next day however, that’s when I get a call.A guy at the party tells me that he didn’t see anything, but apparently my cousin and her friends saw her grinding on a guy and apparently got a video of it. My heart drops once more. I call my cousin, and she confirmed it. She was even in the car with the friends that saw it and they confirmed it. They said that she was on her hands and knees grinding all over another guy, who I find out later was one of our waiters that served us at a fancy restaurant one day, but oh well I guess. My cousin sends me the video, and you can’t see her doing anything in it, but you can see her with the guy. Apparently, she even went and told my cousin to please not tell me about it because she saw that they saw her.That was the last straw. I was supposed to go see Post Malone with her that weekend too, but I did not go. I told her that the ticket was hers, to take somebody else, but not me. She got mad, and we did not talk anymore until the middle of summer.I went on a cruise, and when I got off I had 4 voicemails from her making sure I wasn’t dead because she couldn’t get in contact with me (I turned off my phone for no extra out of the country charges). We talk a little but go the rest of summer without talking.Anyways, at the very end of summer, she texts me and we start texting again. She seems different though. She seems like she’s changed. So, after a little while, we get back together.Everything is so much better, she is communicating with me more (I never mentioned this but this is really important. She always used to get mad when I worried about her cheating, she would never discuss it with me), and communication is super important. She seems nicer too and better, However, things go down the drain some. We end up having sex and it was okay, not really the best experience, but I appreciate her opening up to me like that, and that is forever in my gratitude. She said I was the best though which is good. I do wish I would have waited though to lose my virginity. However, that all happens and everything is happy. I start worrying some though because I take a step back and I remember how badly I had been treated in the past and even then (she did not always treat me very nicely, which is okay, but just, a lot of stuff was extremely rude, like saying she hoped I got sick after coughing in my face. She said it was a joke and that’s fine, but it just was rude though. I don’t mind playing around some but the way she said it seemed sincere), I also worry about the past repeating itself. Eventually, she starts saying how she sometimes feels like she can’t take it (because I wanted to ask her stuff and sometimes I did repeat myself, but she always got so mad and never communicated it with me. I would’ve been better off with the slightest compassion), and it really kills me because I went through hell and back for this girl and she can’t take it anymore because I love her so much that I worry? Yeah, okay...She was mean to me, stressed me out, I put my all in and she didn’t seem like she really cared all that much, and I was losing myself in the process.Before all of this, back to the snapchat thing, she had a red heart now with her first once again (That means you’ve been snapping each other the most for basically a month straight). Big red flag. I told her I believe probably about 20 plus time about how I thought it was disrespectful, and nothing really changed. One day, their heart went away, and then we got one.Anyways, this is basically the climax. All of this stress with me realizing how she is not the best for me was building up.Before I went to bed one night, I went to bed and checked my phone, and we lost our heart. I was hoping that everything was okay, but I did worry. I still went to sleep though.I woke up at 5 because of stress and a dream I had. The dream was, she had the yellow heart with this ex of hers again, and that was a sign for me that it wasn’t for me, and in the dream, I left and was stress free (I kid you not, this really happened). Anyways, she woke up eventually, and we texted our good mornings and all. Anyways, I texted her and asked her something I’ve never asked for, I asked her for a screenshot of her top 10 people she talks to on snapchat the most, and she said ‘sure’. 5 minutes later, I got it, and sure enough, it was just like in my dream. I knew how much disrespect I’ve taken, and this was nothing but the tipping point for me. I knew what I had to do.I told her I wanted to break up and we talked some but that was it (Again, I did not break up because of snapchat, I broke up because of so many other reasons but it was only a tipping point for me).Anyways, I was going to get her one closer to time, but unfortunately unexpected things happened. She got me one though and she wanted to give it to me if it was the last thing she did.I told her thanks, but I can’t accept, but she told me I WILL take the present. So because I didn’t even want to fight, I agreed. I received it today.It was very nice and now I feel bad for even taking it. I spent a lot on her but I really don’t care how much I spent or how much hell I went through, I felt and feel awful about it.So Reddit, here we are now. After everything; me feeling like trash at times and believing all of this was my fault and after all of the emotions I’ve felt and heart breaks and times I, a pretty serious guy, have cried myself to sleep, and after all of the emotions; it could have been avoided if it was for me listening to those Redditor’s.After everything though, I never put her down in any way, or made her feel bad about herself. Taking the highroad is the ultimate gift.After all of that, and by the way, thank you to anyone that read it, it should offer a different viewpoint to anyone that can use it, but it could have all have been so much better if I would have listened to Reddit.I listened to my heart though and in the end it ended up being shattered multiple times and dropped on the floor and crushed.Reddit offers different views that usually are non biased to your life or your feelings, and the most logical approach to every situation.People who post anywhere, but especially on this forum, please take heed to the warning Redditor’s give you and please do not make the mistakes I have which was go back to somebody who doesn’t cherish you as much.The girl I dated is high status in school (I am also) and you would never think she was capable of this or we were not compatible. There is so much though to learn. Looks are not all.AND IF YOU ARE IN A SMALL TOWN OR WHERE EVER AND STAY IN A BAD RELATIONSHIP BECAUSE YOU FEEL LIKE YOU CAN’T GET ANYONE ELSE AS PRETTY OR WHATEVER THE CASELeave the relationship for your own health. There are so many people out there that will want you and cherish you always. Do not ever settle for less and know your self worth. Trust me, it will get better.And the sun will always rise the next daySo listen to Redditor’s and live everyday to the fullest with the person you love and who loves you back and respects you always like you do themI wish I had that, but we all live and learn. Best of luck Reddit, and thank you all for opening my eyes more. via /r/dating_advice