#schwartz is sexy and we know it

[benschwartzcinematicuniverse]

Clyde takes the highest fuck percentage and is the only character so far with an absolute zero percentage for any poll option. Enjoy his results here

Time to answer the call for Paul

Blue Iguana is another film you can view for free in the Vudu app. It may not be a masterpiece, but it’s fun. It’s got Rockwell and it’s got Schwartz. Homoeroticism? Obviously. Schwartz in a cringey, comedic sex scene? Check. Schwartz covered in blood? Double check. Y’all. Take five with Paul and then hang your head in shame and smash a button below

[kurishiri]

alfons v.s. ring . . . ring schwartz epilogue 💍

— this translation may not be 100% accurate or contain creative liberties due to characterization or narrative flow purposes. if you enjoy, please consider reblogging, but don’t repost these or claim these as your own!

— cw: suggestive undertones.

Kate: If it’s come to this... then let’s do it! I mean, pretending to do naughty things!

Ring: Y-yeah, I do know that’s our only choice here, but... there’s no way I could do it.

R: Um, those kinds of things... I’ve never actually done them before!

R: But... s-since you’re really cute... I’m sure you have plenty of experience and whatnot...!

Kate: W-what do you mean, ‘plenty,’ there’s no way I have that much experience! Anyway, forget about that, we need to do something about this...

K: Ring, you go shake and push on the bed to make it creak!

K: And I’ll listen in on the other room and make sounds to match!

Ring: ...That seems more doable.

Ring went atop the bed and started to jump on it.

The bed did start creaking, to be sure, but it also was making some jarring noises that made me think the bed was really about to break down.

Kate: Could you be a bit more gentle though, Ring? It’s too much...!

Ring: Oh, umm, then... how about this!?

He briskly stepped off the bed before he put both hands on the bed and started to push down.

By doing so, he could create a good creaking sound that didn’t go too far.

Woman’s voice: The bed from the room next door has started creaking.

Man’s voice: In that case, they’re probably just a pair of lovebirds. Guess we were worrying ourselves over nothing.

Woman’s voice: ...That said, don’t you think it’s strange that there’s not a peep from the other side?

(Oh, that’s right! I have to make noise too.)

Kate: Ah, ahh... ahhn...

Ring: H-hey, um. I can’t say I’ve heard others doing you-know-what before, so I may be wrong, but...

R: When women do, you know, the deed, do they really sound this monotone...?

Kate: I mean, we’re not actually doing it, so that makes it harder...

Woman’s voice: The panting from the room next door sounds a bit strange, wouldn’t you say?

Man’s voice: It sounds real flat...

(First Ring, and now the two in the next room over are doubting me too...! At times like these, then...!)

Kate: I-I’m really, really sorry! I’ve been told by a lot of partners that my panting sounds suuuper flat!

At this point, I decided to play into the role of ‘a woman whose pants sound flat’ as I raised my voice.

Ring: N-no matter how you are, I won’t mind at aaalll!

While continuing to push down on the bed, Ring returned a fitting line in response.

...Very monotonously, may I add, for the both of us.

Woman’s voice: ...Huh, I guess they really are just one odd couple.

Man’s voice: I mean, seeing as they’re using a room of a strange manor like this, that would be a given, probably.

Kate: Oh, thank goodness, it seems they’ve bought the act...! Let’s keep this up then!

Ring: Alright... but, sorry, I’m a bit hot, so I’ll take my jacket off.

Seeing as the bed is hard, having to push down hard enough to make sounds continuously must have taken a considerable amount of stamina.

With that, Ring casually took off his top layer and put it aside.

(...)

Maybe because of the way his clothes fit his body so well, his well-trained muscles were brought to the surface.

The sweat that came from shaking the bed moved traced the back of his neck, making him quite sexy.

Ring: ...Kate? Is there something wrong?

Kate: N-no, not at all! It’s nothing——

Taken aback at having become more conscious of Ring, my legs buckled suddenly,

and, preparing for the impact, I closed my eyes then and there.

Kate: ...!

(Hm? Wait, it doesn’t hurt...?)

Ring: Are you okay?

When I slowly opened my eyes, there Ring was, nearby, as he asked with a touch of worry in his voice.

(So Ring is the one who saved me and stopped the fall...)

Our bodies were touching, and I could feel his body was a bit warmer than mine, and he gave off a pleasant, earthy scent.

(Even though he’s holding me in his arms, he seems completely unperturbed... his appearance hardly betrays the fact he must be training regularly.)

(...Wait, what in the world are you looking at, Kate!?)

Kate: T-thank you for saving me. I’ll let go now.

Ring: ...Wait.

Kate: Huh...

When his earnest voice stopped me stiff, Ring’s hand gently slid to my cheek.

(W-what the...!?)

Ring: Your face is all red. Did you hit it somewhere?

(Oh... so he was worried for me.)

Kate: N-no, I didn’t. I’m fine.

Ring: But...

Kate: It’s just... we’re so close together that I’m a bit nervous... is all...

Ring showed no sign of pulling away himself, so I opted to give him an honest answer then. And when I did, Ring also turned red, as though it had moved over from me to him.

Ring: I-I see... then, umm, I’m glad if you’re okay.

R: Sorry for keeping you like that. ...And should we continue then? What we were doing before, I mean.

After that, we continued our act of panting and shaking the bed until we exited the room.

Ring looked exhausted as we exited the room, and there was Alfons, waiting out in the hallway.

Alfons: Thank you for your hard work. Now then, were you able to listen in for what we needed?

Kate: Yes, all of it and everything...

Alfons: My word, is that a hoarse voice I hear? And not only that...

A: I see Ring has stripped his outer layer off and is positively sweaty as well.

A: Would it be safe to assume... you two have gone aaall the way, by any chance?

Ring & Kate: “No!” “Absolutely not!”

Fin.

will vs darius jude vs nica alfons vs ring

← prev fin

END NOTES: this story was so silly and makes me smile whenever i read it, haha. ring seems to be the most popular of the vogel trio, seeing he has gotten a dark mafia design, and it’s not hard to see why. his charm is in his innocence, and it’s like a breath of fresh air in this game, and i hope i could capture it too.

i’m overall curious about all the vogel members and feel this story event is a strong debut for all three. thank you for reading, and hope you enjoyed! i’d love to hear your thoughts as well ♡

full masterlist 🪞💍

[misskattylashes]

The Ballad of Miles Peter Kane

I’m writing this because 80% of the speculation in the AM/TLSP/MK fandom is about Alex – ‘he shags groupies, he’s gay, he’s bi, he’s autistic, he’s an arrogant bastard’....the list is endless. Because he is our master of deception and subterfuge, he opens himself up to speculation.

But on the surface Miles is so different. Happy, smiley, seemingly open Miles, sharing his home and his dog and his family on social media. Chatting away in interviews like a little bird. People think he has it together.

But dig a little deeper and read between the lines, and I get a completely different picture of Miles from the Rascal of 2008 to our One Man Band of 2024.

I have been watching some early interviews with Miles recently and he shoehorns the topic of women and girls into them far more often than Alex ever has. A simple question about if he likes meat is met with a ‘not in a gay way’. At a time when Alex was being photographed looking like Alexa’s little brother or Arielle’s hot gay pal, Miles was being ‘papped’ with his tongue down the throat of the latest hot model or Page Three Girl. There was a sexy girl in every video. And before you say it, yes there were in AM’s videos, but find me one where Alex interacts with them. There was also Miles’ relationship with Suki Waterhouse which I find hard to believe wasn’t real, unless he is far better than Alex at faking a relationship.

Controversial as this may be, but in my opinion, early videos of baby Al flirting openly with Andy, and pressing himself up against Miles, and a bit later on, even AM Alex flirting with that hunky male interviewer, does not point to someone battling too much with their inner homophobia. I think Alex – as ever – has two personalities. The Alex known to the inner circle is out and has been for many years. But Mr Schwartz - the public facing Alex, struggles with his sexuality and the effect it will have on his career and that of his three ‘brothers’.

But read between the lines of their lyrics from the AM/Don’t Forget Who You Are era. AM is filled with longing, of someone who doesn’t know where they stand with this secret - keeping lover who treats them differently at night than during the day. DFWYA is still full of ‘she’ and ‘her’ songs, although ironically the lyrics to Out of Control are so Milex coded it’s funny. I will always maintain Give Up is about Alex (I think ‘stand so tall’ is a figure of speech rather than literally lol) lyrics like ‘you’re pretty good looking but I’m looking for a way out’ and ‘stop tainting my soul’ scream Alex. Don’t forget both albums will have been written around the same time, so I am guessing that they were going through the conflict of Miles not knowing what to do, and him somehow blaming Alex for his confusion, but at the same time unable to keep away from him.

So we reach 2015 and the recording of EYCTE. Something happens. Once on stage and once in an interview, Alex talks about them falling in love whist recording the album. Traditionalists will choose to think he means with their ‘girlfriends’ at the time, but once on tour it is obvious there has been a change in the dynamics. Alex is coquettish and sexy, but his stage personas have all been a variation on this since Humbug, but Miles is different. Miles can’t keep his hands off Alex, Miles follows Alex around the stage like a lovesick puppy. In interviews gone are the playful lusty looks of TAOTU era, instead Miles gazes at Alex like he’s the most beautiful and wondrous thing he’s ever seen.

I think Miles had finally seen the light and realised he was in love with his best mate/casual fuck buddy. He could no longer go on treating Alex like some dirty little secret, and he could no longer deny his sexuality.

What happened afterwards? Who knows, I guess they’re the only ones who know the full truth. But they both came out of EYCTE depressed (the two interviews recently posted on here show this), but Miles admitted to having a mental breakdown, and all I can do is speculate why I think this happened. Imagine being a young man fighting inner demons about your sexuality, you finally realise you’re in love with your best friend and promises are made (see Someone to Rely On and Wrong Side of Life) and he leaves you to go off to France to record an album and keep up his ‘relationship’ with his girlfriend. You have laid yourself on the line and taken a huge step for him and he's gone.

In Alex’s defence, he probably had years of Miles letting him down and also the responsibility of AM etc, but this isn’t about Alex.

But time is a great healer and I think Miles came out of the whole period a different person. By Change the Show, we lose the ‘she’ pronouns (just one ‘girl’, and Suzie and Caroline) and sexy girls in videos. Gone are the models and page three girls. There is a brief ‘romance’ with Nadya Duke, but that is it.

So we come to One Man Band. Apart from one ridiculous tongue in cheek podcast with his friend James Buckley, where he goes on about women (incidentally just before the Ireland gigs with AM), Miles has changed. In early interviews, his childhood heroes are Lennon and Oasis…no mention of Baggio. With One Man Band we suddenly get Baggio and in interviews he talks of how eight year old Miles thought Baggio and the Italian football team were sexy. Old Miles would have followed that up with something like ‘the sort of sexy that pulled birds’, but there was nothing like that, instead he was admitting that part of his sexual awakening was admiring Italian men.

The video for The Wonder had a sexy woman, his friend Didem, but somehow the dynamic felt different, the general vibe was more two mates mucking about.

His stage persona is more ‘fruity’, he is using ‘she’ pronouns but to address himself, and whilst he isn’t ‘out’ - he may never come out publicly, it is entirely his choice - there is definitely a change in Miles, he seems more settled and happy in his own skin. He said he had therapy during the bad period and hopefully that helped. Interestingly he has posted songs about difficult relationships with fathers, and without casting aspersions on Miles’ dad, I wonder if part of his earlier issues were about him trying to please him. Liverpool has quite a macho culture – especially 20-30 years ago. Let’s not forget Miles liked and commented on that beautiful poem about men who know they are gay even when they are children. Maybe it resonated….

Miles story is a fascinating one, a look at a young man fighting his inner demons to get to a point where he knows his true self. I always think Troubled Son is the counter to Body Paint. But Troubled Son is about Miles coming to terms with who he is and accepting his own faults, Body Paint is Alex keeping on his costume, which he doesn’t look like taking off any time soon. Hopefully private Alex is as happy as Miles, and it’s just that public face that looks as though their world is ending.

[fontasticcrablettes]

Hottest Tales Villains Results

The results are in! After 129 people took the Hot or Not? survey, we've got some fascinating data to go through. But first, our two overall winners!

Gaius, the winner of Most Concentrated Sexiness (i.e., most votes when asked to write-in the single sexiest character)

And Duke, the winner of Broadest Appeal to Sexiness (i.e., most votes deeming him "hot".)

Out of 94 write ins, 13 people (14%) put Gaius' name forward as the single sexiest Tales antagonist. And of 129 responses on the survey, 116 (90.6%) said Duke was hot.

Now, there is a lot more data to go through, so buckle in!

First, for some clarity. I'm going to be using "villain" and "antagonist" pretty interchangeably throughout this because I don't want to keep repeating the word 'antagonist,' which is very long and not very sexy itself. But rest assured that I do know the difference, and I don't actually think Gaius is a villain.

Similarly, I know that for many people, the terms "hot" and "sexy" and "attractive" have distinct meanings, but for the sake of not overusing the same word a thousand times, I'm going to be using both. Now, on to the data!

Sexiest Tales Villains

Here is the ranking of all the Tales villains that are Certified Fresh, meaning they were rated as Hot by at least 80% of respondents.

Duke (90.6%)

Dhaos (90.6%)*

Legretta (90.6%)*

Yuan (89.7%)

Zaveid (87.2%)

Gaius (85.6%)

Nebilim (85.2%)

Richard (85%)

Richter (84.8%)

Asch (81.7%)

Ilene (81.5%)

Schwartz (81.3%)

Schwann (80.8%)

(*Dhaos and Legretta did not tie for first place with Duke above because they each received only 115 total votes, meaning more people said 'meh' and skipped them)

Write-in Results

The lat question on the survey asked respondents to write the name of who they thought was the single sexiest character. This is the category Gaius won with 13 votes. Here are the other characters who received more than 1 votes:

Dhaos came in second with 7 votes, with Duke trailing right behind with 6. Richard, Richter, Schwann, and Shigure all receive 5 votes each. Kratos got 4. Artorius, Chronos, Vholran, and Yuan got 3 each. Nebilim and Teresa each got 2.

Two of my favourite responses:

Myself. Damn right, we support positivity and self love on this blog.

Bandai Namco Tales Studios themselves. Yeah, I also feel like sometimes, the greatest antagonist in these games is the studio themselves. But still, they do make these games for us, and that's very sexy of them.

Sexiest Villain Per Game

We've got the overall sexiest, now who is the finest villain you can look forward to fighting in each game?

Tales of Phantasia: Dhaos (90.6%)

Tales of Destiny: Ilene Rembrandt (81.5%)

Tales of Eternia: Shizel (51.2%)

Tales of Destiny 2: Fortuna (52.1%)

Tales of Symphonia: Yuan Ka-Fai (89.7%)

Tales of Symphonia DotNW: Richter Abend (84.8%)

Tales of Rebirth: Militsa (56.9%)

Tales of Legendia: Schwartz (81.3%)

Tales of the Abyss: Legretta (90.6%)

Tales of Innocence: Mathias (32.5%)

Tales of Vesperia: Duke Pantarei (90.6%)

Tales of Hearts: Incarose (70.8%)

Tales of Graces: Richard (85%)

Tales of Xillia: Gaius (85.6%)

Tales of Xillia 2: Victor (77%)

Tales of Zestiria: Maltran (79.8)

Tales of Berseria: Zaveid (87.2)

Tales of Arise: Vholran Igniseri (57.6%)

Interestingly, in around half of these cases, the hottest villain is also the final boss. That's a good way to do it, I think; gives you something to look forward to all the way to the end!

Least Sexy Villains

We looked at the winners, but now... who are the least sexy? The most unfuckable? Luckily, we have a single winner! The only man who received zero votes:

Bartlow, a minor antagonist from Tales of Zestiria. Gotta be honest with you, I've played Zesty but I do not remember who this man is at all. Maybe if he was hotter, he'd have made an impression on me.

The runners-up.... There's Someone Out There For Everyone

The characters who received only 1 or 2 votes. Someone out there thinks they're hot! But not very many.

Ragou (Vesperia) (0.8%)

Shane Rembrandt (Destiny) (0.9%)

Solon (Legendia) (0.9%)

Vharley (Symphonia) (1.6%)

Let's have a round of applause for the villains who did evil things but weren't even sexy about it.

Most Divisive

Are these characters hot? Are they not? They are, apparently, an acquired taste. These are the characters who scored between 48% and 52% hot. Fandom is split in half on whether they're hot or not.

Barbatos Goetia (50.8%)

Arnold Alcott (50.9%)

Shizel (51.2%)

Alexei Dinoia (51.6%)

Artroius (48.3%

Lunarre (51.7%)

Sexiest Monster

What makes some monsters hotter than others? I'm not sure, but I'm fascinated at the results! Would love to hear commentary from those who voted Hot on the monsters.

Ishrantu, from Tales of Phantasia, was voted the sexiest monster with 26.1% hot votes.

In second place were the Helganquil from Tales of Arise, with 19.7% hot rating.

However, they are arguably still humanoid and not really monsters, so let's also give a shout out to the tied 3rd place winners, with 18.3% each:

Yuris, from Tales of Rebirth

And the Great Astral Spirit from Tales of Arise!

Most 'Meh'

Each question on the poll was optional, so respondents could skip rating characters they just had no feelings about either way.

So which antagonist did people most often shrug about?

Batista Diego, from Tales of Destiny, who received only 106 votes. Is he hot? Is he not? To be frank, we just don't care. (But for the record, of those 106 votes, 20.8% voted hot)

Most Invested

Three characters tied for most total votes. These are the men who the most people had an opinion about, with 128 each:

Duke Pantarei (90.6% hot)

Kratos Aurion (78.1% hot)

Mithos Yggdrasill (57% hot)

And a special shout-out to the character who got 127 votes in total, but only 3 of them (2.4%) were hot: Lydon Bernhardt. Not only is he unpopular, people are very definitive about how unattractive he is.

Demographics

Finally, let's take a look at who out voters were! First, which Tales games have we all played? (Or are otherwise familiar with the characters, such as watching a walkthrough on Youtube).

The results are probably not that surprising. Symphonia, Abyss, and Vesperia are the most commonly played, which is common knowledge for most of us.

The relatively low score for Arise is a it interesting. Considering it sold so well and smashed so many records, only 62% of people voting have played it. Is it because it's a newer game, so its fandom largely grew on Twitter? Are most of the people who played it less casual Tales fans - i.e., they liked Arise but aren't in the Tales fandom as a whole so aren't taking polls dedicated to the whole series? Curious!

Duke, the highest rated 'hot' character, is from one of the three most popular games. Interestingly, the character voted in as sexiest, which indicates a more personal dedication than what may have been a passing "yeah, sure, he can definitely get it" from just seeing Duke's picture, is from a game only 75% of the voters are familiar with. 13.5% of people who have played Xillia think Gaius is the sexiest antagonist in Tales as a whole.

Dhaos' popularity is also inspiring! Only 50% of people have played Phantasia, but 90.6% said, "I may not know who this man is, but I do know he's hot as hell."

How about gendered attraction demographics? This question asked which genders voters find hot.

As you can see, more voters find men hot than any other gender, but the difference between attraction to men vs women is not so big that I think it makes a huge impact on the votes. A woman (Legretta) made it into the top three, after all, and tied for highest percentage of hot votes.

Conclusion

And that's a wrap for the data! If you'd like to go through and make your own analyses, here is the data. I don't know if there's a way to link you to the Google Forms results with the helpful pie charts (if anyone knows how to do that, let me know) but here are the spreadsheets.

First, the spreadsheet I put together to compare the stats, listing every character, how many hot votes they got, what percentage that is, and what the total number of votes is. They're colour-coded by game (+the major antagonist section at the beginning). View it here.

Second, the raw data Google Forms, compiling every respondent's answers. Check it out here!

I open the floor now to more commentary. What was your rational for your choices? Any responses surprise you? Interesting correlations you notice?

Overall, thanks for participating in this survey!

[marinaiguess]

just finished watching sonic prime so why not share my thoughts on it? before i start rambling, i suggest you go watch it on netflix, it definitely deserves a watch.

now

Technicalities first (if i can call them that). So, judging as a viewer and not as a sophisticated critic who has read cinemtaography books, I’d say the show’s direction overall is pretty good. It’s nothing special but it’s pleasing and keeps you interested. The direction, the angles, the camera changes regarding placement and focus are well coordinated with the writing and each emotion each scene tries to convey. So, really, nothing new (i wasnt expecting a sonic show to make groundbreaking ways of storytelling through cinematography), but I believe it is worth mentioning because it plays a huge role on how one views the show. And there were many moments where I realized that a certain angle made the scene look more tense for example.

Animation! I think we all liked the bouncy styled animation, contrasting the hugely popular disney/pixar styled animation (which is good, dont get me wrong, but the animation tecnhique used in prime fits sonic a lot more imo). Also, the facial expressions are part of what made the show so great and enjoyable and I love how much emphasis they put on them, literally perfect. The details in animation, like the animalistic behaviours of sonic and co. and how they were depicted (ears twitching for example) are all very important and im glad they were implemented. And, I know a lot of us are focused on the facial expressions but we shouldnt forget abt the background as well. There definitely was attention to detail, details that were everywhere and completed the overall image of the show.

Music! the music is good what do you expect me to say like, oh that major g in the pirate scene made the scene look more tense but if it was a minor f it would make it a bit more sad and thus more fitting- no. the music was good. not surprised and props to everyone who worked on the music but i just dont think theres anything to add LOL.

Voice acting! Voice directing-wise? Really REALLY good, i wasnt expecting great performances but i was proved wrong and im happy about that. Now, for the main cast seperately? Devon has done an EXCELLENT job with his lines. His sonic voice is a combination of Roger Craig Smith and Ben Schwartz i believe but it’s also unique and very fitting for sonic, despite me not liking it at first. Brian as Eggman is meh for me, very good voice acting skills but i didnt like it that much. Ashleigh as Tails fit surprisingly well and idk why. Kazumi for rouge was a really good one, bringing rouge back to her sa2/heroes era and not the overly sexy and seducing voice she has in the games (i know its abt voice direction as well but yeah). big is meh, i dont like it. knuckles is pretty good tbh. and now, shadow the hedgehog. yes. ian did an excellent job voicing shadow and i LOVE LOVE LOVE his voice in prime, makes he’d sound like that in the games as well. i’ll stop now or i’ll start fangirling. 

Characters! I like the characters and sonic’s crew. the way the show’s written so far though has made me care about the post-apocalypse characters more than the other shatterverses. like, i like them all, yeah, but i care more about nine and knucks and rebel. maybe that was the point. also,HHHH WHY NOT BLAZE? why not silver? hoping to see them soon but PIRATE WORLD? there was a purple cat and a brown raccoon there but it wasnt blaze and marine. lost opportunity. (and rouge should have been the captain in the pirate one fr fr)

And finally, writing. I’ve seen a lot of opinions these days. Here’s mine. Good characterisation. Yes, it might surprise you but the characterisation is actually good. for every character. including sonic. maybe in a different post i could talk about every character but for now, i wanna talk abt sonic. bouncy, energetic, talkative, honest, lively, adhd coded, cheesy sometimes, reckless, extroverted who wants to work on his own from time to time. this is actually sonic. someone who loves his friends but doesnt listen to them cuz he has no patience. someone who conveys his emotions with actions and puts words aside. someone who likes to lay back once in a while, but not when the whole world is broken to pieces. someone who wants to save everyone, puts everyone above him and his needs. someone who cant stop talking, making witty remarks and jokes despite the given situation cuz he never gives up and is always hopeful and optimistic. frontiers gave us a different view of sonic’s character but it’s a very different situation as well. yet, if you carefully compare the two, you’d see how much things they have in common and how prime! sonic is very well written. 

overall writing is okay. characterisation is very good, interactions between characters are very good but some could have been better(some moments were too short for my liking), easter eggs, there are many and are greatly appreciated, many details, the recap of the prev episodes was really funny and clever but I feel like we were deprived of some great opportunities. like, eggman nega with eggman instead of the chaos council. thats just an example. and im not too salty abt it cuz it’s mainly a kids show and it shows. im glad that its enjoyable for adults like me as well though.

thats all folks. no one asked for this but youre getting it anyway.

[inkbotkowalski]

I can't believe the guy who played Jean Ralphio is giving me gender envy

[christinesficrecs]

This trainwreck of a post is dedicated to oodball-faerietales for being a kind and generous soul. You are appreciated always. 💖

Every single one of these fics is a gift which I have opened multiple times and enjoyed them every time! I did not include any fics I’ve already mentioned this year and it was SUPER hard! But you can find more favorites here. 

Wait by cutloosemcgoose | 23.4K | Explicit

Sitting on his couch, staring at the wall, it feels like Derek is watching his whole, miserable, lonely life flash before his eyes. He’s twenty four and he’s alone. No family, no friends, no real pack. He’s six days away from spending one of the most family-oriented holidays of the year trying to avoid any human interaction. If anyone could see him right now, they would tell him he looks pathetic. If Laura could see him right now, she would probably beat the crap of him and then tell him he’s a loser.

I am a HUGE fan of the woke up married trope but this fic is so much more than that!!! I should probably say that I wasn’t that impressed with the movie The Family Man but this AU is 20 times better!!! So even if you don’t care for Nick Cage or kid fics, this fic is still worth a read. Why you say?!?!! Stiles is THE perfect husband through and through. He is EVERYTHING Derek deserves and so much more! Also, I was just chatting up @dearericbittle about how much I love a great epilogue:

“Are you ready?”

“Jesus, Derek,” Stiles says, turning around so quickly that his foot catches on the rug and he almost goes flying. “You’re not supposed to see me before the wedding, it’s bad luck.”

Derek rolls his eyes at Stiles and they stare at each other for a second, wordless, before Stiles cracks up.

“Yeah, I know,” he says. Derek used to think that Stiles was mildly psychic, maybe an empath or something because of the spark, but he’s since realized that Stiles just knows him—knows all of them—so well that’s it scary and a little out-of-this-world.

“Are you ready?” he asks again. Stiles straightens the lapels of his tux, frowns down at it.

“I feel really silly wearing something so fancy to be married by an Elvis impersonator, I’d just like to say.”

“Write your congressman,” Derek advises. “Come on, we gotta go.”

Big Days by crazyassmurdererwall ( smartalli) | 9.6K

It’s an impulse really, inviting Derek to spend Thanksgiving with him and his dad. The Sheriff. Who once arrested him. It’ll be fine. Stiles is sure it’ll be fine.

This is pure gold. EVERY single thing about this fic is a gift! 

“I might have invited someone to spend Thanksgiving with us.”

He lifts one eyebrow. “You might have?”

“Yeah, no. I absolutely did.”

He may as well own up to it. Besides he’s not sorry he did, he’s just sorry he has to have this decidedly awkward conversation.

“Okay…” John says slowly. “And do I know this person?”

“You do.” Stiles nods back, slowly. “Sort of.”

“Sort of.” His hand grasps the edge of the counter as he says, with a saintly patience born only out of years of being Stiles’ dad, “Does this person have a name?”

“They do.”

“Excellent. And their name would be…?”

Saturday Night At The Movies by aussiebee | 7.3K | Explicit

After running into Stiles at the late night movies, Derek realises just how badly Stiles is handling the post-nogitsune fallout. He knows the feeling.

Derek healing post-nogitsune Stiles with saturday night movie dates is perfect! 

Derek didn’t see much of Stiles in the days after that, but it was hard to be disappointed about it when he drove past the café on Fourth St and saw Stiles and Scott sitting inside, talking over coffee, or when he came out of the bank diagonally opposite the sheriff’s station to see Stiles and his dad sitting on the bench beneath the tree outside of it eating lunch together, both of them looking lighter than they had in months.

But then Saturday arrived again, and Stiles was letting himself into the loft, settling in against Derek’s side in his customary spot, bogarting the remote. “Spaceballs is on in twenty minutes,” he said, smelling of nerves and hope.

“I’m so excited I couldn’t hold my oil,” Derek quoted, making Stiles chuckle, the sound light and at ease.

“May the Schwartz be with you,” he responded gravely, then leaned into Derek and snuggled up close when Derek lifted an arm to drape around his shoulders.

A Walk in the Clouds by Dexterous_Sinistrous | 13.9K

The one set during WWII where Stiles is a pregnant grad student and Derek is a PTSD riddled soldier, both of them looking for a better life.

I love crossovers and AUs. Jill did such a great job with this film reboot!! 

Mieczysław couldn’t help the small smile on his lips. “You can call me Stiles,” he offered.

Derek sighed. “Stiles is certainly different than Mischief,” he stated.

“A nickname,” Stiles replied.

“Well, Stiles,” Derek started. “What if you brought home a husband?”

Stiles looked confused by Derek’s suggestion. “How could I do that? There is no one—”

“There’s me,” Derek replied.

“I— I couldn’t ask that of you,” Stiles began. “I already ruined your trip to San Francisco.”

“Maybe I was meant to be here,” Derek offered. “There seems to be a reason for me bumping into you on the train—exchanging our tickets. Getting kicked off the bus.”

“Those were all my fault,” Stiles dejectedly replied.

Derek shook his head. “Or it was fate knowing that you needed a husband for a day.”

Call Me (Cliché) by SomewheresSword | 84.6K | Mature

When the sheriff's sister ends up in a wheelchair for the duration of summer, Stiles' dreams of three months full of pack bonding, late-night video games and bro-time with Scott come crashing down. He's temporarily relocated to Redford, a three hour drive away, and he can already tell he won't be getting many visitors.

Sure the pack will forget about him while he's gone, Stiles is determined to make the most of his summer of isolation, training his body and mind - and his magic - so he can come back with a bang, and maybe catch a certain Sourwolf's eye.

Then Derek shows up at his window one night with a flimsy excuse about needing research done. Suddenly, his summer away is looking a whole lot more interesting.

When I was a young fangirl there was a series called Ever Fallen In Love With Someone. This is not that fic but the initial plot is similiar especially with the S2 vibe which gives me all the feels! 

“So, there’s this guy,” he began, anxiously reaching for a cookie and nibbling at the edge. Hannah nodded in a wordless ‘go on’ motion. “He’s… older. Dad wouldn’t like it. Or him.” Very firmly didn’t like him, as a matter of fact. Hannah’s grin widened.

“Ooh, a bad boy?” Stiles nodded — that was a bit of an understatement. “Sexy. Tell me about him.”

“He’s got these really dumb, scowly eyebrows that are about ninety percent of his facial expressions and at least fifty percent of those expressions threaten murder,” he said, the words coming before he could think to stop himself. “But he’s such a marshmallow and he doesn’t seem to realise that I can’t take him seriously anymore because I know he’s got all of the emotions. He’s so damn overprotective and sweet and he pretends like he doesn’t care about anything but it’s all lies and I just wanna give him a hug so bad because I honestly don’t know the last time someone hugged him for real.”

Tell Me, So I Know by TroubleIWant | 7.4K | Mature

It took years for Derek to finally confront the way he felt about Stiles, and even after he figured it out he could only explain in Spanish. It took them two years more to get to where they were now. Only with neither of them quite willing to commit, where exactly is that, anyways?

Well, for Stiles it’s a deserted stretch of road behind the Hale house, half trapped in a car wreck after being abducted by hunters. Frankly, he could really use Derek’s help if he’s going to get out of this alive. Mates are supposed to be able to tell when the other is in pain, right? As Derek would probably say, 'querido, no.'

Or, a love story in two parts... and two languages.

I love everything about this fic. It’s hot and beautiful with mates and polyglot Derek. So perfect! 

He trails off, knowing he can’t say amor in the next line without Stiles realizing exactly the sort of thing he’s being told.

“Holy hell,” Stiles rasps, his voice heavy with lust. Even in the low light Derek can see the pulse in his neck, the rabbit-fast tick confirming exactly how attractive Stiles finds his bilingual skills. “What was that?”

Derek shrugs. “Just something I memorized once. It reminds me of you.”

“What’s it mean?”

“It’s a parable about a sheep who pesters a wolf with too many questions and gets eaten for being so annoying.”

“Liar,” Stiles says with a smirk, but he leans back in his chair and doesn’t press the issue for the rest of the meal.

[evans713]

date night / chris evans

part two of busy morning

author's note: finally wrote the piece i promised @sweater-daddiesdumbdork love you💕

warnings: fluff, smutty undertones?, bad writing, not edited, i'm nervous about this one, don't know how good it turned out

fun fact: it takes me forever to choose the photo or gif because i want it to show the essence of each plot, okay not so fun, bye

Y/F/F means your favorite food, i wanted every one to have their own because it's a special moment

song: darling i do by landon pigg & lucy schwartz

Y/N blushed profusely as she left a howling Chris back at the kitchen. That man had no filter with her and as much as she loves it, she couldn't afford to get distracted. It did motivate her to work harder and faster to get back to her man and her good boy. 

She took the sticky note Chris wrote for her and stuck it at the bottom of her monitor. "Couldn't even thank him for breakfast." She muttered. 

"That kiss was thank you enough, doll." Chris' voice got closer to her.

Y/N saw him walking towards her with a glass and a jug of water. "One more dirty word coming from you and you can sleep by yourself tonight." She threatened. She was distracting her so much but she wasn't mad at him. Never.

Chris put his hands in innocence after placing the water near her desk. "I just need you wet- sorry, I meant hydrated." He laughed when Y/N's eyes widened. She took the first thing she saw, a pen, and chucked it at him as he tried making a swift exit.

"I'm not sleeping with you tonight!" She yelled after him. 

Chris could only laugh. It was so easy to get her riled up and shy at the same time. He hoped that after his purpose for that night, she comes around and lets him sleep with her. 

Taking advantage of her working most of the day, Chris started planning his surprise for the night. He went outside to the patio and thought of the possibilities. Both of them had set up a pergola and over time, they had hung plants. Since the surprise would most likely be at night, he instantly thought of what to do that she would love and added it to the list. 

It was going to be simple but he knew she liked simplicity. She had told him a million of times that all she ever wanted and needed was his heart. Of course he would love to offer her the universe. She only wanted him and he would always belong to her but a pinch of extra love wouldn't hurt.

Chris decided to get the stuff after preparing her some lunch. He knew she was so busy that she would most likely forget to eat. In the mean time he and Dodger cleaned up outside. Well he cleaned, the pup kept bringing him balls so Chris could throw them.

When he finished, he was drenched in sweat but satisfied. And it started to hit him was he was about to do. Should he call his mom, his siblings, your family? Was it the right time? He knew she wouldn't deny him. But today? What if she was still stressed about work? What if she only wanted to relax after?

"Should I do it, bubba?" The pup barked and Chris took that as a yes. He took his phone but his finger hovered over the contact number. Should he do it first and then let everybody know? Yes, he should do that. He didn't want to risk someone giving her hints. Because what if he chickened out at the last minute? Yeah, no. Her day wasn't even finished and if things didn't turn out okay, he didn't want the added pressure on her. Wow, no he was doubting if she would agree...

Chris felt his anxiety rocketing and Dodger felt that. The pup nuzzled his snout on his hands and licked.

"She loves you, you meatball. You'll do something nice so she can relax after a hard day and if the opportunity presents itself, you'll do it." Chris reaffirmed in a hushed whisper. He didn't want to risk her hearing him. "Thank you, buddy. Now let's eat something so we can get the stuff." He told Dodger.

Y/N started smelling something really good. She didn't know what time it was, didn't even had the time to check it but her stomach started protesting again. She would eat something soon. She would make the time. She hoped Chris would have some leftovers of whatever he was making.

Some more time passed and the smell got closer to her. Instinctively, she slipped her tongue to wet her lips. As she did so, she heard a groan from next to her. "Careful with that tongue, princess." 

"You are behaving awfully naughty today, Mr. Evans." Y/N retorted.

Chris laughed. "Your fault for being so sexy, baby."

"Now everything revolves around me?"

"Maybe not everything but my heart does." Chris smiled at her.

Y/N blushed. "Thank you for loving me, Chris." She whispered.

Chris set down the plate with food he brought to her and crouched in front of her, she noticed his damp hair and clean smell. "It's my pleasure, always." He promised and bent forward to kiss her. "I made you some tacos, real ones because I know you don't like the others." Both of them chuckled.

"It looks and smells so good, Chris. Thank you so much." It was her turn to close the gap between them. She tried making the kiss last without losing herself on him. "I love you, a few more hours and hopefully I'll be done."

"Don't pressure yourself for me, babygirl. I don't want you more stressed." Chris kissed her knee and stood up. He took her breakfast tray and kissed the top of her head. "I need to run some errands. I'm taking Dodger with me so he doesn't distract you and we'll be back in a couple of hours, okay?"

"Okay. Be safe. I love you."

"I love you too, doll."

/

Y/N finally finished. Edited and approved. Her shoulders slumped and she rested her forehead against the cool desk. She felt the tension slowly leaving her body and all she wanted was Chris to carry her to bed. 

But the house was quiet. She didn't think he and Dodger were back yet.

Getting up from her chair, she stretched her body and let out a big yawn. She took her plate, the glass and the empty jug to the kitchen. More yawns escaped her lips as she put everything in the dishwasher. Then went onto checking the garage and the lack of his car told her enough. She checked her phone.

'Hi, beautiful. 

We miss you.

We'll bring dinner home.

I love you, immensely.'

Y/N smiled at the text and took a screenshot of it, adding it to the album she created for texts from Chris she cherishes. Which reminded her to take the sticky note Chris wrote her in the morning with her to the bedroom. She took out a tin box from their dresser and carefully placed the note inside, smiling at the almost full box. She had lost count of how many boxes Chris has gotten her and that they had already filled up. Once Chris realised that she was keeping them, he promised her to get her more boxes and every time he saw one he'd think she might like, he got it. He also showed her his own stash that he kept in between the pages of his books.

She took her phone and typed her answer.

'I miss you too.

Drive safe.

I love you more.'

She put her phone aside and bribed herself to take a shower. Her bed looked so inviting but she wanted to get the work day's feeling off of her so she could fully relax. Inside, the bathroom, she had a similar conflict. Shower or bath. She settled for shower, she might fall asleep and drown. And Chris would be so mad at her if she died before him.

After the quick shower, she couldn't help it anymore. She was barely strong enough to take Chris' t-shirt that he had used to sleep the night before and pull it over her head. She towel-dried her hair one final time and she slipped underneath the bedsheets. She was out like a light the moment her head touched the pillow.

Chris was running around like crazy. It was later than he thought it would be but he had most of the stuff he needed. He was just missing the food but he could just have it delivered. Part of him hoped she was still busy. Not stressed, just busy so he could set everything up. But upon entering their bedroom, the sight broke his heart, making him smile sadly. At least she was resting.

Y/N was curled up in a ball, her head peeking from under the pile of sheets and blankets. She had most of her face buried on his pillow, clutching it as if she were clutching him.

He was about to step outside, not wanting to interrupt your sleep when Dodger slipped between his legs and jumped on the bed, going for Y/N's face.

"Dodge, no!" Chris whisper-shouted. He tried taking the pup away from her when he heard her giggles. 

"I missed you too, bubba." She said as she tried to get the pup under control. "I missed you too, love." She said to Chris.

"Sorry, baby. Didn't know he was going to do that." Chris winced when Y/N tried stifling a yawn. "Dodger, down. Let momma sleep." He got down and sat next to his legs.

"It's okay."

"Go back to sleep, angel. I'll let you know when dinner is ready."

"But-"

"No buts," Another yawned escaped her lips, the soft sound making him chuckle. "Y/N, please, get some more rest."

Y/N didn't have it in her to fight him for once. She nodded and reassumed her previous position. Chris kissed her temple and she was back asleep. He didn't like seeing her so tired but for once he could use it. 

Chris didn't waste more time and first took the twinkling lights he bought. There was a lot of lights but he wanted to make sure everything was perfect for her. It took him almost an hour but he hanged them over the pergola. He made sure they were working before moving onto the next task. 

Next, he moved their patio table to be in the centre of the pergola and left two chairs in front of each other before moving the rest of the furniture to the side. Then he took the box of red rose petals and sprinkled them over the table, being grateful that it wasn't windy. He knew how she didn't like flowers being cut so he got fallen petals from the florist downtown, glad to have found enough for the table and a small trail leading to it.

Almost show time. God, he was starting to get nervous. But he had to remind himself not to show it. She would see right through him and think there was something wrong. Yes, his face gave everything away and it got her concerned. 

He started the fire pit and turned the twinkling lights back on. He got the plates, glasses and cutlery they might need and set up the table. He grabbed the two candles he bought and lit them, making sure nothing was close enough to catch on fire. He really, really didn't want anything to go wrong tonight.

Everything was almost ready. He was only waiting for the food so he could go wake you up. He thought about changing his clothes but before he made up his mind, the doorbell rang followed by a bark.

"Bubba, shh." Chris went to the door and greeted the delivery man. They chatted for a bit while he made sure everything was delivered and then paid, thanking the man with a nice tip.

Chris stopped dead on his tracks as he had entered the kitchen. Y/N was standing on the doorway that led to the patio. She had a hand covering her mouth while she looked at everything he had done.

“I was thinking we could have a date night.” Chris’ voice sounded from behind her. She turned around and he noticed tears in her eyes. “You don’t like it?” He was starting to get nervous. Maybe his idea wasn’t as romantic as he had previously thought.

Y/N walked up to him, taking the food from his hands and placing it on the counter next to him before crashing her lips against his. Chris kissed her deeply and moaned at finally having her in his arms without restraints. "Like it? Are you serious?" She whispered against his lips, her eyes making sure to captivate his. "I love it. You are the most amazing man ever and I'm so lucky to have you."

"I'm so lucky to have you." Chris whispered and pecker her lips. 

"If I wasn't so hungry for food," She kissed his nose. "I'd be ravishing you."

"Darling, don't say things like that." Chris groaned. "You know they take me places."

"I'll take you to bed later, I promise." She winked and started taking the food out, being loyally followed by Dodger.

"You are tease, baby."

"I say the exact thing about you. You breathe and I want to jump you."

Chris laughed as they took Y/F/F and the wine outside. Y/N once more was transfixed with the set up of their date. She really didn't deserve her man. He was always so thoughtful. It was plain Chris. He was born and raised to be a gentleman.

He took the opportunity to set up the speakers with both their favorite songs and walked back to her. "Ready to eat?" He asked.

Y/N nodded and Chris helped her push her chair. "I can't believe you planned all this for me. How long did it take you?" She asked as she took her first bite, offering a small piece to the pup next to her.

"There's nothing I wouldn't do for you." Chris winked, loving the blush slowly coating her cheeks. "I wanted to do something special for you after working so hard." He said, trying so hard to keep a normal expression on his face.

"Come on, Chris. You can't lie to me."

"I'm not." Now he was the one blushing. 

"I think you just want to get in my pants."

Chris let out a hearty laugh. "You got me."

Y/N dropped the subject. It was an incredibly sweet gesture and she knew there wasn't a malicious ulterior motive to his actions. 

Once they finished eating, Chris got up from his chair and offered his hand to her. "May I have a dance?" Dodger's head perked up but since there wasn't any more food involved, he ignored his humans.

She accepted his offer and stood up, coming to stand in front of him. Chris took his phone out and chose 'Darling I Do'. The song started and Y/N couldn't help but let out a loud laugh, making him join her. "Are you really trying to seduce me with a Shrek song?"

Chris laughed even harder. "It's a very good and very romantic song." He said as he pulled her closer to him.

"You are such an adorable dork." And he was, Y/N had mentioned liking the song the first time they watched the movie together and Chris had listened to it since then. 

Y/N closed her and rested her head where his heartbeat was beating frantically. Chris could even feel it and was trying so hard to get it back to normal.

"Y/N." Was he really going to do it? Was it the right moment yet? "Baby?"

"Everything okay? Your heart beat rate is starting to worry me." She whispered, her tone a tiny bit worried.

"Y-yes." He stuttered and cursed himself.

Y/N moved her head away so she could look at him better. "What's wrong?"

"N-nothing." Chris groaned and closed his eyes. "Shit, okay." He gave a step back and saw the panicked look on his soon-to-be ex-girlfriend.

"Chris?"

Chris took a deep breath and got on one knee. He took the ring from his pocket and looked up towards Y/N and saw his beautiful girl covering her mouth, her eyes gradually watering.

"Y/N," He started, willing his voice not to crack. "I have loved you for the longest time. I have loved you even before I knew I loved you. I'm thankful for you everyday. For getting the chance to show you how much you mean to me. I meant it, there's nothing I wouldn't do for you. You have shown me what being loved feels like. You have given me a home. And the best part is that you love me back. You have given me everything. And I'm still selfish enough to ask you for one more thing. Will you do me the honor of spending the rest of your life with me? I promise to do my best to make you happy." He finished

"You already make me happy," She started, willing herself to stop crying. "And there's nothing more I want than to spend the rest of my life with you." She was getting choked up. "Yes, Chris, I want to marry you." She said and cupped his cheeks, crashing her lips against his. She hoped her lips could support her words.

Chris stood up and pulled her even closer to him. Her lips tasted salty. Maybe it was her tears. Or maybe his. But it was perfect because she agreed. She accepted!

"I heard you right, right? You want to marry me?" He used the pads of his thumbs to wipe her tears away as he kissed her forehead, her cheeks, her nose.

"Yes, Chris. Nothing would make me happier than to be your wife." She promised.

"The ring! Here." He offered the ring and Y/N finally took a good look to it. And it was beautiful. The diamond reflected the twinkling lights from above them and was nestled carefully around tiny diamonds, sitting on an elegant and smooth band. It was perfect and it was them. "Do you like it?"

Y/N put up her hand so Chris could slip the ring on her fourth finger. "I love it, it's beautiful." She said, admiring the way it looked on her, especially because it was a part of Chris.

"I wanted something as beautiful as you."

"And I got something twice as beautiful, just like you."

"Soon-to-be Mrs. Evans, can't wait to marry your dorky self."

[spuffybot]

A Decade In Ships

The decade is ending and with it so are many of my favorite shows, couples, and fandoms.

Here’s a countdown of the loves that got me through the last ten years 🖤

10. Olicity

When I first started to see sparks between Oliver and Felicity I figured it was wishful thinking. Oliver seemed too caught up with the Lance sisters to notice the incredible woman under his nose. That is until the epic Season 2 finale when Oliver surprises everyone by declaring his love for Felicity, not Laurel.

9. Bughead

What can I say? I love when the nice girl picks the bad boy. Jughead is the heart of Riverdale and Betty’s love for him is what keeps the show grounded even when Archie is off in Canada being a 17 year old park ranger and fist fighting a grizzly bear 🤷🏻‍♀️

8. Choni

Speaking of Riverdale, it’s impossible not to be in love with the chaotic, sexy, devoted love between Cheryl and Toni. Thank you Riverdale for letting this lesbian love story be as romantic, dramatic, and sexual as any of the het ones on the show.

7. Deckerstar

O.M.G. Lucifer and Chloe are the ultimate slow burn ship and I am living for it. There hasn’t been a burn this good since Booth and Bones!!!

6. Leslie x Ben

Holy crap these two epic, nerdy, sweet, beautiful, perfect, powerful musk oxen...Ben and Leslie are everything. The kind of love we all want and deserve.

5. TomTom

So, normally I am VERY anti shipping real people but Tom Schwartz and Tom Sandoval lean into their ship so hard they named a restaurant after it. If they can love the love then so can I! Tom and Tom have the purest, sweetest, craziest friendship and they aren’t afraid to let the lines get a little blurred in the name of fun and ratings.

4. FinnPoe

Even Oscar Isaac knows these two belonged together. They had a bond forged in battle, in finding themselves and their purpose. The way they look at each other is everything. Finn was looking for a light at the end of the tunnel and he found Poe, a hot shot resistance fighter who gave Finn a way out and a way forward.

3. Spuffy (comics)

The Buffy comics expanded on the TV show in such an incredible and valuable way. They had some ups and downs but the character development was undeniable. Buffy and Spike created a real bond based on trust, friendship, partnership, and genuine affection. They fell in love with one another slowly and truly in a way they never could have before. They talked openly about their issues and worked through them.

2. Jamie and Claire

Wow. Wow wow wow. What a love story. What a pair! Jamie and Claire have a love that spans lifetimes. Their passion, commitment, and determination to find one another no matter the odds is beyond romantic. It’s soul affirming. Even after 20 years apart they pick up like it’s the very next day. There could never be anyone else for either of them and that’s so amazing to read and watch.

1. Delena

“You want a love that consumes you”

This ship consumed me. Damon and Elena were endgame from the very first second of the very first episode and there was never any other choice for either of them. Season 3 will forever be one of the best seasons of TV in the last 10 years. It perfected the concept of the YA love triangle. It perfected the vampire genre. It defined the show and encapsulated everything that made it great. Damon is one of the most complex and rich characters I’ve ever watched on TV and Ian Somerhalder brought him to life with a tortured charisma that was impossible to look away from. Nina Dobrev doesn’t get enough (any) credit for her work on TVD, juggling two characters, two love stories, and the majority of the scenes. Her sensitivity allows you to root for Elena even when she’s tearing the Salvatore brothers apart. Delena is my ultimate ship of the 2010’s. I hope another show and another romance can do to me what this one did. I am forever a diehard Delena shipper.

[universitybookstore]

Bargain Book Recommendations

During these difficult times, University Book Store hope you are staying safe and well. We’re here to bring you recommendations for fresh reads, if your To-Read Pile is getting uncomfortably low. We’ve recently added more than 400+ bargain-priced titles (cause $$$ is tight for us all right now), and our booksellers will be posting some of their recommendations over the coming weeks. Today’s picks come from our Bargain Book Buyer, Dan Doody.  

Written on the Body | Jeanette Winterson—In this brilliant novel, Winterson chronicles the life & loves of a unnamed, genderless narrator and in the process detaches the romantic experience from physical gender, showing us the universal truths of love. 

Watership Down | Richard Adams—This is one of my absolute favorite books that keeps growing in my estimation as the years go by. Of course, it follows a band of rabbits who travel forth from their native warren in search of a mysterious promised land and a more perfect society.

Paperbacks from Hell | Grady Hendrix—Hendrix and his co-author Will Errickson chronicle the golden age of horror publishing (the 70s & 80s) with plenty of evil children, diabolic cults, bedeviled children, sexy vampires, and oh-so-many skeletons.

Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark | Alvin Schwartz—Speaking of horror literature, Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark is a true classic of the genre and so often the first exposure to the genre for many young readers. Grab your trusty flash light and favorite blanket….

Anno Dracula | Kim Newman—What if Dracula, Lord of the Undead, had defeated Van Helsing, Harker, Dr. Seward, et. al? This is the tantalizing question Kim Newman explores here. Following his victory over his enemies, Dracula now rules England having wed Queen Victoria to become her Prince Consort, meanwhile vampirism has spread through all levels of English society, particularly amongst the aristocracy. But all is not well in this increasingly Undead Albion—a murderer, dubbed Jack the Ripper, stalks London’s Whitechapel district….

The Books of Earthsea | Ursula K. Le Guin—Le Guin’s epic saga collected in one volume with beautiful illustrations by Charles Vess. This is a must have volume for any lover of the Fantasy genre. 

The Shining Girls | Lauren Beukes—an intricately plotted tale about a time-traveling serial killer who stalks his victims, bright young women who burn with potential, across six decades. Absolutely brilliant in its vision and execution.

Tailor, Tinker, Soldier, Spy | John Le Carré—This might be the best Cold War espionage thriller ever written, and it’s certainly my favorite. If you’ve only ever seen the BBC miniseries or the recent film adaptation, do yourself a favor and read the unforgettable original novel. 

The Gin Dictionary | David T. Smith—It’s summer time, and nothing is more refreshing on a hot afternoon than a cool, gin & tonic with a twist, maybe a slice of cucumber, too. Here we have a concise compendium to the many complex terms and techniques, equipment and varieties that go into the most perfect of alcoholic spirits.

Cork Dork | Bianca Bosker—Maybe wine is more your summer sip of choice. Amateur wine enthusiast Bianca Bosker charts her journey through the fascinating, labyrinthian world of vintners, wineries, and sommeliers.

The Ninth: Beethoven and the World in 1824 | Harvey Sachs—This year marks the 250th anniversary of Beethoven’s birth. For many, he is the quintessential composer of classical music, and Sach’s enthralling book explores the ground-breaking symphony and the cultural and historical world that produced it.

Why You Love Music | John Powell—If you find yourself humming “Ode to Joy” after reading the above and want to know why, then pick up a copy of John Powell’s book and learn the answer. He explores both the innumerable physiological and psychological ways in which music affects us.

[pbpress]

Fire and Ice: Chapter 7

by Brooklyn N. Dottin

AUSTIN JULIUS

  Well, it was the week before the day of the dance. I drove over to Alessandra’s house on Wednesday afternoon, because she wanted me to help her find some jewelry to go with her outfit. She wouldn’t let me see the outfit, though, which I didn’t get. I mean, if I’m gonna help her pick out matching jewelry, I gotta see the outfit to know what to look for. But when I pointed this out to her, she just shrugged and said, “You’ll know,” then climbed on the motorcycle behind me, wrapping her arms around my waist. Taking off, the wind blowing in our face, I suddenly had a somewhat disloyal-at least to Alessandra-thought. It was at the corner of my brain for weeks, gathering dust, but I never realized it until that moment. 

    I wish Blanchard were riding behind me instead of Alessandra.

    As we pulled into the mall parking lot, Alessandra hooked her chin over my shoulder. “Let’s go, baby.” 

    I squirmed inwardly when she said that. Never has anyone ever called me “baby” like that. It made me very uncomfortable. And made me half-wish it were Blanchard calling me that, not Alessandra. I shook my head of such disloyal thoughts and said, “Alrighty, off we go.”

    Shuffling my feet, I followed Alessandra into Pandora. I hate to shop, especially if it’s for jewelry. All the gems, bracelets, and such sending off their blinding reflections into your eyes, and making you a little cross-eyed by the time you exit. Alessandra didn’t seem to have any problem with it, though. She spent the better part of our time in the shop looking at the amethysts and emeralds. Pretending to be way into it, I enthusiastically said, “How about this one?” pointing to an amethyst amulet in a glass case. Alessandra took one look at it, frowned, and said, “Too simple. How about this?” pointing to an overly intricate diamond-rose-gold necklace. 

    “Way too expensive.” I found a simple silver locket. “This?”

    “Hell no. I wouldn’t be caught dead in that!” she exclaimed.

    Maybe Ben was right, I thought. Maybe she is quite shallow and cold.    

    Finally, after two painful hours of searching and browsing, we settled on a rose-gold choker that wasn’t too expensive. Alessandra tried it on, and loved it. I was just glad she found one she liked, so I could get out of there.

After paying for it, we headed to my bike. I planned to drop Alessandra off at her house quick, then go straight home. 

    Alessandra, however, had other plans.

    As soon as we mounted my bike, she leaned over my shoulder and said, “Can we drive to the park?” I said sure, ‘cause a bit of fresh air was exactly what I needed. After getting there, I parked my bike by some trees that sort of sheltered us from the rest of the park. But before I could climb off my bike, Alessandra literally yanked my head around and, with no warning, crashed her lips into my own. My mind immediately went into flight-or-fight mode. I quickly flipped through every outcome of any possible reaction: Push her away, risk her getting mad at me, perhaps wanting to hurt me later. Let the kiss continue, and risk not being able to-dare I think so?- get together  with Blanchard, who, until around then, I hadn’t realized was the only one I actually loved. But now here was Alessandra, on my lips, with me not knowing what to do. I decided I didn’t want to continue this kiss any longer. I pushed her off me. She looked at me, a little confused, and for a split second, I wished I’d just sucked it up and let the kiss continue, but that second passed, and I said to her, “I’m taking you back to your house now.”

    I half expected Alessandra to be all mad and stuff, but she just went, “Sure thing, Austin. Let’s go.”

    Huh.

    As we coasted towards Alessandra’s house, I began thinking of what I should do about the dance situation. It was too late to refund the tickets, and I’m not the type of guy to stand people up. I was seriously thinking of just faking a cold or whatever and telling Alessandra I couldn’t go. I was so wrapped up in my planning that I didn’t realize we’d passed Alessandra’s house until a couple minutes later. 

    “Um, hey, Austin? Are you forgetting someone?” she asked. I snapped out of it quick and realized where we were. 

    “Oh, my gosh, so sorry!” I gasped, making a sharp U-turn in the road, Alessandra gripping my waist as I did so. I almost exceeded the speed limit racing toward Alessandra’s house. 

    Dropping her off, I said, “Well, that was an interesting afternoon.” 

    “And rather hot,” said Alessandra.

    What? Hot? On what basis was this boring-as-hell afternoon hot? 

    “I mean, hot as in it was hot outside, y’know?” she said quickly. 

    Now, I knew for a fact that it wasn’t even 60 degrees outside, and even she was wearing an autumn jacket. Something told me that she meant “hot” as in “sexy”, which made even less sense.

    Waving to her as I drove off, I blasted over to Blanchard’s. I was gonna ask her if she were going to the Masquerade, in the hopes that we could go together, unbeknownst to Alessandra. Yeah, I know. Totally cheap. But at this point I was willing to do anything to avoid having to go to the Masquerade with Alessandra. But I also needed to talk with someone less provocative at that moment. 

    Turning into the driveway, I saw Blanchard on her front porch. She saw me and immediately got up from the chair in which she was sitting. I parked my bike-without any fancy maneuver this time-yanked my helmet off, and smiled at Blanchard. She didn’t smile back. Instead, she bolted for the front door.

    “Hey, wait, what’s wrong?” I shouted after her. But she was already inside. I ran up and knocked on the door. But Blanchard’s mom answered the door.

    “Oh, hi Austin! What a nice surprise,” she said. She looked rather frazzled, with more No. 2 pencils in her messy, unkempt bun  and behind her ears than I cared to count. 

    “No good material, huh?” I asked. 

    “No,” she responded. “Can I help you?”

    “Uh, yeah. Well, Blanchard acted a little weird when I pulled up, and she seemed a little nervous when I smiled at her,” I said. “Do you happen to know what’s going on with her?”  

    Ms. Schwartz gave a teasing smile and shook her head. 

    “Well, she seems to fancy you, rather,” she said.

    “Huh?”

    “She won’t stop talking about you. She’s always going on about “Austin” this and “Austin” that. I even heard her mutter your name in her sleep a couple nights ago.”

    “But then, why doesn’t she want to see me?”

    “Perhaps she’s nervous, or she thinks you don’t like her back, or she’s just trying to figure out how to talk to you.”

    I was rather flattered at the idea of her saying my name in her sleep, that would imply she’s been dreaming about me. I suddenly remembered that she’d been dropping subtle hints the whole time. I just hadn’t noticed, mostly thanks to Alessandra’s seduction. 

    “You should try to talk to her,” said Ms. Schwartz. “You guys clearly like each other. She’s just a little nervous now. She’ll soon warm up to you.”

    I blushed at the term, “warm up to”.  I shook my head before any dirty thoughts dared to creep their way into my head. Looking up at Blanchard’s window, I smiled at the dark-haired personage, who I realized was looking out the window at us. She quickly shrank back out of sight. In the split second before she was out of sight, I could swear I saw her face turn red. I inwardly smirked. 

    “I guess I should go now,” I said to Ms. Schwartz, turning towards my motorcycle. 

    “Alright,” she responded. “I should get back to my writing anyway.”

    “Bye, Ms. Schwartz,” I called back as I revved up the motor. 

    “Bye, Austin,” she responded, turning back to her house.

[theonceoverthinker]

OUAT Rewatch 4X14 - Enter the Dragon

Sorry for all the delays with these reviews! I’ve really been DRAGON my feet through this whole season, haven’t I? 

...You don’t come here for smart puns, Regina! XD

Anyway, there’s a nice juicy review under the cut!

Main Takeaways

Past

I love how this plays as the evil version of every “young person melts the heart of older person and convinces them to go back to doing what they love” story! While it’s not a parody -- and is in fact played deadly straight -- it’s funny as hell to watch because of that!

It’s kind of weird seeing such vague mentions of Mal’s backstory. All throughout the episode, we hear clues, but are never given anything concrete. I wonder when or even if we ever would’ve gotten a backstory for Mal and Briar Rose.

Present

Wow, I gotta say, considering how DESTROYED Mal was by what Snowing did to her kid, stealing another kid is just horrible (The fact that he’s turned back into August and she may or may not have known that is irrelevant for me since she stealing a son from his father at the end of the day) ! I don’t know if it’s exactly poorly written or not -- a case of extremism turning her into what she hates or mishandling a character who is supposed to be more balanced between being evil and sympathetic. I guess it’s up to interpretation, but given that the there doesn’t get to be a reaction from Marco to Maleficent over the fact considering how big of a deal it is that she reverted a little boy back into being a grown man, I feel forced to say the latter.

This also applies to Regina too, ESPECIALLY considering her conversations with Marco in the last episode and this is more of a problem than I realized. She’s stealing a child, putting him up against three villains, AND disposing any direct means of contact between herself and her backup. And the fact that Rumple reverts him into being August at the end of the episode changes nothing here because that wasn’t an anticipated move. It’s even more distracting given the gravitas of the moment where Emma and Regina try to figure out whether or not to steal him in the first place. Regina says she’s going to protect him and pull out if he’s in danger, but what does she think they’re going to do to him if not threaten his life? Even just the emotional duress of those kind of threats is crazy to do to a kid. And then to drop her phone so he can’t even be tracked? It’s played as this necessary evil, but is never given the payoff to back up what a horrible and reckless thing this was to do. They STOLE his childhood -- what was essentially his happy ending -- and that has to be answered for by ALL involved parties: Maleficent, Regina, and Emma too for ultimately agreeing to this.

This segment has a really interesting theme of not being overly insistent on complete control. Throughout it, Regina insists to her friends that she can handle the Queens of Darkness. Even as the stakes raise, she makes risky and riskier decisions that she says she can manage. This culminates in a horribly risky decision (See above) that, in her insistence in keeping control over the situation and her sureness that she’s right, has Regina abandon her means of getting backup. And this all ends with Regina, forced by her own hand, to relinquish control to Rumple. I think that this is an important lesson for Regina to learn, and while I didn’t like the big decision that she had to make for lack of a proper fallout (I’ll actually discuss in a bit why I choose this episode to take the issue with it), I think the rest of the story is good!

Stream of Consciousness

-Regina, you trying to KILL ME with the cut of that shirt?! Because it is working!

-Damn, Regina is AMAZING at acting evil! XD

-HOW THE FUCK DID YOU CRUSH GLASS?! ARE YOU THE FUCKING HULK? XD

-I love how Regina looks between Mal’s castle and her book like “I’m gonna get my favorite author to sign my book!”

-Wouldn’t someone just win “Don’t Be a Hero” by only saving themselves?

-I love how there were freakin’ BETS on the game! XD

-We got another Henry and Belle scene!!! Tbh, I wish there was a bit more substance here too. Belle ADORES books and this is literally a mystery surrounding a book! Why couldn’t she give him some advice on maybe where to look or just talk about the nature of books! You have two book fans sharing a scene! Why not use that?

-I would KILL to know how Regina’s night of drinking with the Queens of Darkness went! Like, they drank a whole bar! XD

-To be fair, Emma, Regina’s probably not reaching out because she’s hungover as FUCK after DRINKING A WHOLE BAR! XD

-MAL, DRUNK AS FUCK, SINGED A COP CAR! XD WHERE ARE FICS OF THIS! THIS IS THE TRUE SEQUEL TO “THE HANGOVER!” XD

-”Some drinking.” SOME DRINKING? YOU DRANK AND ENTIRE BAR! XD

-I like how Regina’s “pathetic” flame was more of a matter of nervousness than inexperience. It shows that Regina’s learned a lot during her tenure with Rumple while still having a lot of space to grow.

-Maleficent is introduced as a druggie! She literally stabs herself with something that “takes the edge off!” XD

-”You need to remember who you are.” “That Maleficent had a foul temper, and if you insulted her, she’d turn into a dragon and eat your flesh.” Holy hell! My eyes are filled with hearts!

-”Where the hell have you been all night?” I WOULD LOVE TO KNOW THAT AS WELL!

-NOW WHAT KIND OF CRAZINESS HAPPENED IN THE VAULT?! XD

-To be fair, Emma, Regina’s been ROCKING this undercover mission so far.

-This episode is full of sexy, badass people, but this cake is the sexiest thing of all!

-”Well, look at which two survivors found a dinghy together.” ...Rumple, HOW ARE YOU SO BAD AT BEING KILLIAN? IT’S NOT ESPECIALLY HARD AND YET YOU SOMEHOW FAILED AT IT! It’s like trying to pet a puppy and instead doing a handstand! XD

-I love how Storybrooke can appear on a GPS system! Is someone in town just a really good techie or is Google our new God? XD

-”The only magical thing you’ll find here is duct tape.” Accurate! XD

-”You didn’t ask your questions more forcefully.” Oh trust me, she did. It was scary.

-”One little snafu?” YOU WOULD HAVE TO STEAL A CHILD!

-”Break some rules.” YOU ARE STEALING A CHILD!

-A Pirate’s Oath! XD What the hell? Someone’s just looking to cop a feel!

-I love the fact that it is 100% canon that Regina rode on the back of a dragon. Maleficent gave her the best piggyback ride in the UNIVERSE!

-Wait: GOLD HAS A CABIN?

Favorite Dynamic

Rump-illian and Belle. I absolutely love Rump-illian and Belle’s subplot here. Rumple, for better or worse, knows Belle and is exactly slippery enough to forge a story to get the dagger back for himself but also not infallible as to still fail to  discuss things he wasn’t privy to. Major props have to go to Colin. He’s playing Rumple playing Killian and that is AMAZING! His lines and delivery are just awkward enough to capture Rumple’s failure to perfectly capture Killian, but they’re close enough that they could fool someone who’s just getting to be close with Killian like Belle. He’s always a little off center in how he conducts himself, making the reveal something that could feasibly be guessed but also surprise everyone! And the transitions -- the one at the docks the one as he walks into the pawnshop, and the one outside the pawnshop are done so well as to make the whole subplot even better!

Writer

David Goodman and Jerome Schwartz are in charge of today’s episode! So far, they’ve had a perfect season! But...well… Look. This episode isn't bad, but I do wish the present segment had some more polish. Considering that the three people involved in that final decision are all mothers and to not do more with that idea is really distracting in hindsight.

Rating

8/10. I’m torn about whether or not I should punish this episode for what goes down with Pinocchio. This episode is more setup in that regard than payoff and it’s not bad setup. But at the same time, I do have to ask myself if that payoff was ever going to happen and if it wasn’t, then the setup of something that upon inspection is so fucked up. And I do think that the payoff wasn’t intended to come up -- they had to know -- and so I do find fault with this episode for executing this idea in such an irresponsible way. Otherwise though, the storytelling is really good. Everything makes sense, the story’s engaging, the pacing works, the characters are for the most part in line, and the theme of the past segment lines up in a way that’s subtle, yet effective.

Flip My Ship - The Home of All Things “Shippy Goodness”

DRAGON QUEEN - This is my JAM! Look at Regina’s face as Mal enters the room. That is the face of a woman realizing “I am gay for LIFE!” And in the present, could these two flirt any MORE?! <3 Just look at the aspirin scene! Mal and Regina are both letting their guard down (Regina’s being more of a casual spitfire, Mal’s not wearing the jacket and is giving a bit more info), Mal’s helping Regina out a bit, there’s candles everywhere, and there’s a touch of loose tension in the room. It’s enough to make the moment pretty sexy. ALSO, they go on a mission alone and the presentation to it plays out exactly like an impromptu date! This is the BEST! I just love how Regina smiles for Mal. It’s big, but natural and just kind of happy!

Swan Queen - Dude! Emma is so worried about Regina! That panic in her voice is CRAZY and her dedication to having Regina’s back and protecting her really shows how much she cares for Regina! This as some of their best shippy moments by the sheer amount of concern Emma has for her!

Captain Swan - While it doesn’t work exactly, Killian does a really good job assuring Emma that things with Regina will be okay.

Mal/Briar Rose - “What happened to you?” “A Rose. A Briar Rose.” Mal says that line in the same way someone talks about someone who they had a bad breakup with!

-----

Hi!!! Thanks for reading and shout outs to the fine folks at @watchingfairytales and to the lovely @daensarah! See you all next time!

Season 4 Total (121/230)

Writer Scores: Adam and Eddy: (34/60) Jane Espenson: (20/40) David Goodman and Jerome Schwartz: (38/50) Andrew Chambliss: (22/50) Dana Horgan: (6/30) Kalinda Vazquez: (22/40) Scott Nimerfro: (14/30) Tze Chun (8/20)

Operation Rewatch Archives

[fontasticcrablettes]

Tales of Sexylady Poll Results

The poll finished with 204 responses! Thank you everyone for participating. As last time, I reserved 5 spots for write-in votes. I'll post the final bracket in a bit, but for now, here is a summary of the results.

First, a shout-out to the lovely ladies who didn't quite make the cut. Everyone on the list got voted for at least once, so they are all appreciated by someone, but they just didn't have the numbers. Many of these characters suffered from the simple fact that their games are not readily accessible to the Western fanbase, so let's hope for translations and ports in the future so everyone can appreciate them!

In order, the honourable mentions (and number of votes) are:

Mary (30)

Mint (24)

Hilda (20)

Sodia (20)

Ines (19)

Rondoline (18)

Schwartz (17)

Ange (16)

Shizel (16)

Harold (13)

Atwight (11)

Ilene (11)

Nanaly (11)

Philia (10)

Mathias (8)

Elrane (7)

Symonne (6)

Almeidrea (6)

Peridot (4)

Lilith (4)

Agarte (3)

Incarose (3)

Beryl (3)

Fortuna (3)

Zilva (2)

Thitose (1)

Let's have a moment of silence for Thitose, the character who remained at 0 votes for the longest time, and only secured a single vote in the end.

The Winning Write-Ins

41 characters were submitted for consideration. The top 5 earned a slot in the final bracket. They are:

Mary Kaufman

Pronyma

Driselle Sharil

Nephry

And the 5th slot will go to Replica Nebilim, winner of the Nebilim-off hosted earlier today. Both Nebilims had an equal number of votes... probably. As discussed earlier, I counted "Nebilim (unspecified)" as the Replica version.

The next two most popular write-ins were Laplace from Luminaria, and Undine. I'm not sure which Undine, that is. Some voters specified the Symphonia version while others didn't specify. I think we will have to have a spirit tourney in the future to clear everything up.

In a similar situation are the spirits Luna and Celsius. Tied with them are Fourier from graces, Seres from Berseria, and Noir from Abyss.

Finally, the following characters all got 2 votes each: Aqua, the Baticul Lesbian, Jozette Cecille, Karla Outway, Kasque, Lisette, Mesissa, and Mileena. I hope Baticul Lesbian is happy being in a group with Cecille.

There isn't time to list every write-in who got only 1 vote, but here are some of my favourites:

Anna Irving. I respect a woman who is sexy purely on vibes.

"Captain Aqua from Tales of Hearts r is the sexiest Tales lady to me hands down I don't even know if she's 18+ because she doesn't even have a page on Aselia and she kinda looks like a Bratz doll but she's a badass pirate captain and her color scheme of purple and yellow looks so good istg." I respect you and I believe you, anon. I can't even find a picture of her when I google, so I'll have to take your word on it, but I'm sorry no one else shared your passion.

Morgrim. My good friend. This is a cat.

"Marble (ToS) (listen I know she's old but sexiness is in the heart)." You know what anon? Marble is a grandmother, which means she is a mother to someone who is also a mother, so that's like, MILF x 2. It's simple math.

Thanks for participating!

[hope-for-olicity]

Fabulous Olicity Fanfic Friday - August 31st, 2018

Happy Friday! So this is my attempt to both thank awesome fanfic writers for their amazing work and offer my recommendations to anyone who is interested. Here are the fantastic fanfic stories I read this week! They are posted in the order I read them.

Clearing the Air by @geneshaven - Oliver and Felicity must talk once Oliver is released from prison https://geneshaven.tumblr.com/post/177335547734/clearing-the-air

Caught in the Rapture multi-chapter WIP by @bindy417 - AU. Being the daughter of a ruthless and notorious crime lord, Felicity Smoak didn't think her life could get any worse. When her father unexpectedly sells her in marriage as a peace offering to his enemy, she quickly learns it'll take more than just her sharp intellect to survive. But what starts out as a sentence worse than death may actually be her only shot at freedom. AWESOME STORY!!  http://archiveofourown.org/works/7931917/chapters/18128824

Time for a Story multi-chapter WIP by @smkkbert - This fic shows Olicity and their life as a (married) couple with family. Although Olicity (and their kids) are the protagonists, other characters of Arrow and Flash make appearances. YOU NEED THIS STORY IN YOUR LIFE. http://archiveofourown.org/works/3912157/chapters/8757172

You Don't Deserve Pain by who_seeks_shall_find - Oliver thinks he deserves pain and it breaks Felicity's heart. https://archiveofourown.org/works/15781407

I Blame Myself by who_seeks_shall_find - Felicity is over-thinking because she misses Oliver. She's sure she let Oliver take the fall for her when he went to prison. Luckily, John is there to tell her how things actually are. https://archiveofourown.org/works/15764709

Rehydration Treatment by @alexiablackbriar13 - Lieutenant Dinah Drake runs into the ER in full vigilante gear with an unconscious Felicity Smoak in her arms. Dr Schwartz understandably freaks out for a second. Turns out Felicity is just dehydrated. And has become a little too reliant on coffee. Her husband is not happy. https://archiveofourown.org/works/15775470

If I Tremble multi-chapter WIP by @smoaking-greenarrow - A collection of prompts and ficlets, with all the smut! Olicity sexy times are the best times. https://archiveofourown.org/works/15409122/chapters/35762643

A Novel Beginning multi-chapter WIP by @vaelisamaza - Olicity AU, Felicity runs her own Tech shop and writes romance novel reviews for her sister's website, Oliver comes in for computer help and it's all getting very exciting!! SQUEE!!!!  https://vaelisamaza.tumblr.com/post/177398294679/a-novel-beginning

Life's All About Changes multi-chapter WIP by Crazyreader2468 - After agreeing to plead guilty to being the Green Arrow in order to get FBI assistance in capturing Diaz, Oliver finds himself in a supermax, a maximum security federal prison, serving a life sentence. As he struggles to become accustomed to life in prison, his family, friends, and teammates struggle to live without him, as well as continually attempting to find a way to get him pardoned. Will they succeed in obtaining a pardon and will Oliver survive until they do? Mostly AU from right before the ending of episode 6 x 22 and after most of 6 x 23. https://archiveofourown.org/works/14936172

Undisclosed Desires multi-chapter WIP by @green-arrows-of-karamel - People seldom show their true face to the world. Nobody knows this better than Felicity Smoak. She worked hard to get where she is and nothing, not even a nuisance like having a stalker, can stop her. When the threat proves to be more serious than she thought, Felicity is forced to hire Green Arrow Security. Her reluctance to have a bodyguard, shadowing her all day long, transforms itself into a —irrational, some would say— dislike for the man in charge of her safety. No other client had ever driven Oliver so crazy as Felicity Smoak does. That has nothing to do with her mesmerizing beauty or her astonishing intelligence but everything to do with her exasperating stubbornness. Honestly, he doesn't know what’s her problem is with him. If it wasn't because, Thea, his little sister, made him promise that he’d personally protect the woman, he would have quit months ago. It takes very little to ignite the fire between them. A single innocent comment can turn into an epic battle of vicious words, with the only purpose of irking each other. Everyone around them watches all happening from the front row. They ask themselves what will befall first… Felicity and Oliver killing each other, or realizing that they’re in love. https://archiveofourown.org/works/15808077/chapters/36794202

I'm a Fair Judge by who_seeks_shall_find - It's time for MasterChef à la Queen-Clayton (and Smoak). https://archiveofourown.org/works/15791142

The Queen's Mage multi-chapter WIP by @the-shy-and-anxious-fangirl - Words have power, and mages, those with the aptitude to draw on that power, are few in number. Thus, their services are highly sought after by anyone who has exhausted all mundane means of solving whatever problem is plaguing them. Felicity is reminded of this fact the hard way when she is hired by Moira Queen, the Lady Starling, to find and return to her son Oliver, who fled his family home five years ago following the death of his father. With a threat hanging over her should she return without Robert Queen's heir, Felicity begins her search. When she finds Oliver, and ends up joining his vigilante crusade while she waits for him to decide whether to return home, the last thing she expects to do is fall in love with him. https://archiveofourown.org/works/14617068/chapters/33781269

Lips Stained Red by @felicityollies - Felicity and Oliver have a special date night planned, one that involves his favorite lipstick and a toy they both happen to favor. But they might not even make it out the door for dinner; dessert is just a little bit more important. https://archiveofourown.org/works/15796176

Friendship by who_seeks_shall_find - John missed his best friend during Oliver's imprisonment. John tried to hide it from Felicity but weirdly enough Felicity found it comforting that John missed Oliver too. https://archiveofourown.org/works/15804288

The Paths We Take multi-chapter WIP by griever11 - Rival CEOs AU. Felicity Smoak, CEO and founder of her own company, is trying to prove herself in the cutthroat world of the technology industry among the other bigwigs in the game. Oliver Queen, recently back from the dead is trying to prove to the world that he's no longer the same man-child who went down on the Queen's Gambit and is finally worthy of his family's legacy. Both equally formidable names in the corporate world. And both with a long, complicated history with each other that no one but themselves are privy to. https://archiveofourown.org/works/15314133/chapters/35530296

The Eternal Love multi-chapter Complete by Mellowyellowdiamonds - Forced into a loveless marriage to Al Sah Him by her ageing and clearly looney adopted father Ra's Al Ghul, Felicity Smoak tries her best to plot her way out of this "terrible" marriage in a bid to regain her freedom. Her husband however has other ideas and is determined to foil her plans every step of the way. https://archiveofourown.org/works/15328269/chapters/35564142

// @emmaamelia95 // @mel-loves-all // @oliverfel4 // @green-arrows-of-karamel // @coal000 // @miriam1779 // @memcjo// @captainolicitysbedroom // @tdgal1 // @spaztronautwriter // @lalawo1// @quiveringbunny // @wrongshipper // @thebookjumper // @vaelisamaza // @myhauntedblacksoul // @lovelycssefan // @laurabelle2930 //

[pwnyta]

Nooooooo I’m not a liar ToT

Maybe the problem is that I’ve started playing practically at the start of the game, and as there was not that many units, I would usually get a lot of lower class characters (and they were furries)… I’m surprised, tho, that you didn’t talk about Gin and Hachi! lol they were THE furries if you know what I mean xD

Also, I don’t really think that Schwartz is evil? But he is an actual DILF…. Like, he has a daughter LMAOOOOO (Her name is Carleen, but I might be wrong about that because there are a lot of other characters in more interested in)

Btw, Navigator (fandom calls him Navi), the MC, actually has a personality of his own… he is also really cute lol, I wish we could have seen more of him on screen :(

There are so many characters that flirt with Navi, both female AND male xD (no surprise here, he is a cutie!) and I love his interactions with them… for example, Barton is a military dude, but he seem to really care about Navi (in a pretty harsh manner tho), and Hydrad have his shadow doggos, they are so cute… but it wasn’t very cute to find out that he actually kind of maybe possibly definitely stalking Navi when he sleeps??? Like LMAOOOOOOO it’s not romantical/sexual or something like this, but I see u Navi, I also would be very uncomfortable ToT And oh my god, FLEUR, my love….. I love him so much, he is such a great guy! There are a lot of characters that come from events where they play a more significant role, but alas, you can’t replay them… but at least you can give characters gifts which opens some side stories with them (also, there is a small side story that comes with every skin, but those skins are EXPENSIVEEEE lmao)

Sorry I’m just super excited to talk about AlStars, it seems that the fan base is pretty small… but there is a lot to like about this game and it’s characters

I dunno about that one chief! You promised me plenty of sexy old men and furries and I could basically count them on one hand since the majority of characters was cute little girls and pretty boys! However your cursed actions aside you showed me one phenomenally handsome old man so you are forgiven for all of your sins- past, present, and future.

They were the like… hyena and the black and white dog yeah? I mean… they didnt even go tiddies out so whats the point. Im not swayed by furries unless theres really something going on. If they aint stacked get outta here!

MARVELOUS. DILF Schwartz actually the best character in the game confirmed? You love to see it.

Navi huh…. LISTEN. Im not so much into the main character flirting thing. My ideal MC is one that shuts the hell up and is a vehicle for me to have and omnipresent view of characters relationships. Take Aether from Genshin… one of my favorite stories, with my favorite character is his second quest with his dragon boyfriend Azhdaha. I dont remember Aether doing anything significant… he was just watching the possessed body holding Azhdahas soul staring lovingly in Zhonglis beautiful eyes…It was the best story in the game.

The vibe of the game seems similar to Genshin the way you describe it! Although Genshin does give out free skins every once in a blue moon…. so theres that! Its a shame then Im sorry its a small fandom but I mean… small fandoms have their perks! Like not having to deal with the fandom. Thats good stuff, nonny.

[mermaidsirennikita]

July 2018 Book Roundup

This was a bit of a slump month for me in terms of reading.  But wait!  I read so many books!  Yeah, but I savored very few of them.  Some were mediocre, and several were bad.  Very bad.  Standouts included Riley Sager’s “spooky summer camp reinvented” thriller The Last Time I Lied and the very satisfying conclusion to Kiersten White’s super underrated Conqueror’s Saga, Bright We Burn.  You win some months and lose some months--I hope the next one is better.

My Plain Jane by Cynthia Hand, Jodi Meadows, and Brodi Ashton.  2/5.  A retelling of Jane Eyre, My Plain Jane sees Charlotte Bronte and Jane Eyre as friends at Lowood together, with Jane able to see ghosts and Charlotte desperate to get to the bottom of her secrets.  As Jane takes a job at Thornfield Hall, she is pursued by Charlotte and intrepid paranormal investigator Alexander, in a tale full of ghosts, secret wives, and romance.  I... really don’t want to say I hate this because it had its funny, cute moments that remind me of My Lady Jane, but... I kind of hated it?  It’s partially my own fault, really, because the book was exactly what it described itself to be.  But what worked when twisting history--My Lady Jane focused on Jane Grey--just doesn’t work when retelling a popular book.  Charlotte was quirky girl’d to the point of being twee; she also seemed into Jane Austen, which bugged me because she wasn’t.  And much of Jane’s side of things seemed like condescending fix it fic, in a way.  Don’t you know that Jane only falls for Rochester because she’s a romantic young woman with no life experience (and an obsessed with Mr. Darcy because I guess)????  Maybe I just like the real Jane Eyre too much.  Either way, I’m still going to read the next Jane book, but cannot recommend this one.

The Last Time I Lied by Riley Sager.  5/5.  Fifteen years ago, Emma Davis was the last person to see Vivian, Allison, and Natalie before they disappeared from Camp Nightingale--and the world--forever.  She accused a boy she liked of doing something terrible; and she vanished into obscurity, reinventing herself as an up and coming artist.  But she can’t seem to stop painting the girls, even as she covered them up afterwards.  Upon the prompting of the camp’s owner--and dogged by guilt--Emma returns to teach at the reopened Camp Nightingale, given three new girls to mentor.  Yet she still can’t seem to stop seeing the girls--especially the entrancing, manipulative Vivian.  Riley Sager does something with his books that make me really happy: he keeps on taking a classic teen slasher trope and making a whole book about it.  I loved the sexy-teens-in-a-cabin angle of Final Girls--and this book takes on the whole creepy camp thing, complete with a spooky lake and campfire legends.  He also throws in--for good measure--toxic, intoxicating girl relationships!  Because yes, Emma had a crush on a boy, but her world was really dominated by Vivian.  At one point, I thought that this book would be a 4 out of 5 because as much as I love the tone and atmosphere and the overall story, I wasn’t a big fan of how Emma’s hallucinations worked and the ending seemed rather predictable.  But that wasn’t the REAL ending.  And the real ending?  Just... yes.  The present storyline in this book is good, but the past--mostly Vivian, let’s be real, that’s a girl after my own heart--is fantastic.  

Bring Me Back by B.A. Paris.  1/5.  While stopped at a gas station with her boyfriend FInn, Layla goes missing. Twelve years later--after enduring a period as the prime suspect in Layla’s murder, despite the fact that her body was never found--Finn is engaged to Layla’s sister Ellen.  Out of nowhere, little signs begin appearing that lead Finn to wonder... could Layla still be out there?  WHAT A DUMB BOOK.  I didn’t realize that I’d read one of Paris’s books, the super underwhelming The Breakdown.  If I had, I wouldn’t have tried it.  God, this was fucking stupid.  Literally every twist you would think of, every basic “surprise” is here.  And then one that is so--but the real issue is Finn.  I don’t take issue with flawed protagonists, but Finn was more than flawed.  He was creepy (fine in certain cases) and stupid (never fine).  And for that matter, everyone else was so one-dimensional that it was impossible to sweep aside his shortcomings.  I skimmed this after a point, and I’m glad I didn’t waste any more time on it.

The List by Joanna Bolouri.  1/5.  IT GOT WORSE!!!  I won’t bother with a summary, because this is actually pretty fucking simple: a year (!!!!) after her ex cheated on her, thirty-year-old Phoebe still isn’t over it.  In an effort to revitalize her sex life, she makes a list of sexual experiences she hasn’t tried and wants to, and sets off to check them off with her best guy friend, Oliver.  Okay, admittedly, I should have known that this would be a diary book, which is a style I usually don’t like (with some notable exceptions).  Phoebe has the most annoying voice I have ever read.  It’s as if the author wants to mimic Bridget Jones, but doesn’t understand why people like Bridget and why she came off more as hapless but amusing, instead of just... a moron.  Phoebe is a FUCKING MORON.  She hates her job, she uses cutesy slang words (like, my least favorite cutesy slang words from the U.K.) and describes sex acts in the least appealing way possible.  But it’s not as if the author wants the sex to feel real, because aside from a few mishaps, Phoebe overall has great sexual experiences, even when you imagine that if this is the first time she’s doing them, it’d probably be more awkward.  Like... we’re supposed to buy that Phoebe LOOOOOVES anal after the first time she’s tried it, but she describes it as feeling like “she’s going to the bathroom, but good” basically.  HOT STUFF.  And she’s just a dipshit in general.  She and all of her friends are.  I knew this was definitely going to be 1/5 after Oliver made a joke about stereotypical “Native American” names (a joke that is somehow worse knowing that an author from the U.K. wrote it) but even before then, Phoebe is talking about her lack of sexual satisfaction with her friends all of whom are in their thirties and one of them... is like... humping a couch?  I don’t know why authors who write “sexual” books think that this is normal behavior.  I am in my 20s; I’ve been in weird situations; I know a lot of weird people.  Never has some dry-humped a couch in front of me... as a joke.... or in general.  Wow.  Stupid.

Choose Your Own Disaster by Dana Schwartz.  3/5.  Dana Schwartz’s memoir--detailing her struggles with eating disorders, mental illness in general, romantic travails, and finding herself as a millennial--is laid out in the style of a choose your own adventure novel.  While it’s certainly well-written and takes advantage of its gimmick, I can’t say this was as enjoyable as My Lady’s Choosing.  Obviously, they’re totally different genres, but...  I don’t know.  This wasn’t a fun read to me, even though I think it was important.  Some parts hit too close to home, which isn’t Schwartz’s fault, while other parts seemed overwritten, which is.  A mixed bag.

The Silent Companions by Laura Purcell.  4/5.  Shortly after marrying the wealthy and handsome Rupert, Elsie finds herself widowed and pregnant, sent away to the Bainbridge family’s country estate to wait for her baby to be born.  She’s met with eerie villagers and angry servants, as well as Rupert’s awkward cousin, Sarah.  All of that, however, she could deal with--what’s more unsettling are the violent events that begin occurring in the house, and strange painted “silent companions” that seem to pop up everywhere, their eyes appearing to follow Elsie around.  Perhaps most disturbing of all is the diary Sarah finds, detailing the story of Rupert’s ancestress, Anne Bainbridge--and her mute daughter Hetta...  This kicked off with a slow start; I wasn’t sure if I’d be able to get through it.  But about 50 pages in, things PICK UP.  Especially when we get into Anne’s diary, which is where some of the really creepy stuff takes place.  It’s a spooky, unsettling story that feels like it’s of another time.  If you’re a fan of “The Others”--which I am--I’d highly recommend the novel.  

Bright We Burn by Kiersten White.  4/5.  The final book in The Conqueror’s Saga sees Radu finally forced to make a choice for his future, as Lada’s conflict with him and Mehmed--and all of her enemies, really--finally comes to a head.  I can’t say much more than that, because... final book in the series, and all.  I really can’t recommend this trilogy enough.  Yes, a gender-flipped Vlad the Impaler story sounds weird.  But Lada is a great character you so rarely see in YA--a truly horrible female lead.  She’s awful.  Not a monster, but not really redeemable either, especially after this installment.  And I wouldn’t even say that Lada is the most complex character in the series--that goes to Radu, her brother who is a) gay b) a Muslim convert and c) in love with Mehmed, their childhood friend who is in love with Lada, who kind of loves Mehmed but kind of hates him because he’s about as horrible a she is.  I loved this poisonous triangle of scheming and bad people--Radu is significantly less horrible than Lada and Mehmed, but has his moments--and the world and the supporting characters, and the only reason this book didn’t a full 5/5 is because I think there needed to be more.  The conflict of the trio really petered out a bit for me, and it came down to Lada and Radu.  And I love Lada and Radu, but Mehmed was the kind of antagonist that got their asses in gear, and the book needed that extra kick.  Overall, however, this was a great conclusion--super satisfying, and quite bloody.

An American Marriage by Tayari Jones.  4/5.  Celestial and Roy are upwardly mobile Atlanta residents--she a rising artist, he a young executive--and just over  a year into their marriage when Roy is arrested for a crime he didn’t commit.  Sentenced to twelve years in prison, Roy writes to Celestial as their marriage gradually disintegrates.  When he’s exonerated and freed five years into his sentence, he returns to her.  But Celestial has built up a relationship with Andre, her childhood friend and the best man at her and Roy’s wedding.  The question isn’t just one of who Celestial belongs with--and whether she belongs with anyone--but of whether or not she and Roy ever would have worked out in the first place?  This is a DEEP literary book, y’all.  Not light reading.  And I can’t say it was super enjoyable?  I mean, this is one of those harshly realistic, love isn’t enough tearjerkers.  But it was very well-written, and it examined themes and questions that I don’t think you’d necessarily expect from such a relatively simple premise.  Of course, much of the novel does revolve around being a black man (or woman) in 21st century America--so I can’t critique that aspect.  The only thing I really can say as a criticism is that the older characters in the novel--Celestial and Roy’s parents, primarily--do essentially repeat themselves a good bit.  And again, I can’t say that I like everything every character did or said--but every action came from a very real place.  It’s a harsh one.

Give Me Your Hand by Megan Abbott.  3/5.  Kit is an ambitious scientist, hoping to gain a spot on a PMDD-related study led by her idol.  She’s the only woman in the running, and considered a shoo-in the the “woman spot”--until Diane shows up.  Diane and Kit knew each other when they were younger; and Diane told Kit a secret that derailed both of their lives.  With the weight of Diane’s secret on her mind, Kit begins to slowly unravel, questioning how she should handle a secret that has gone from being another person’s problem, to hers as well.  I’m not one of those people scared off by Abbott’s squicky, literary style of telling domestic thriller stories.  I’m used to her obsession with the female body and feminine mysteries in general.  I’m not sure why this one didn’t click with me.  The writing was still there, and on paper the story is something I should have liked--so I’m saying it’s me, not her.  It may be that the books of Abbott’s I’ve really liked have dealt more with the truly domestic sphere or something more mundane and universal than scientific studies?  I just wasn’t attached to this story or the characters.

The Death of Mrs. Westaway by Ruth Ware.  3/5.  Down on her luck tarot card reader Hal is shocked when she receives word that she is the possible recipient of an inheritance.  Her grandmother has died, and Hal is summoned to her home to hear the will being read.  The only issue is that to Hal’s knowledge, her grandmother was already dead--and with her mother gone, she has no way of knowing who this woman is.  Desperate for money, she goes to the Westaway estate, only to find that the inheritance may not be worth the risk.  This is a very standard mystery/thriller.  Kind of predictable.  I really don’t have much to say about it.  The book wasn’t bad but it didn’t thrill me, so it might be another me/my slump thing.

Love and Other Words by Christina Lauren.  4/5.  Macy hasn’t seen her childhood friend and first love Elliot for eleven years.  When they run into each other in a coffee shop, he’s an aspiring novelist and she’s a resident on the brink of marriage.  As the novel traces the story of Elliot and Macy’s past--and what he did to make her cut off contact with him the same night he confessed his love--Macy is confronted with a decision about her future, and owning up to who she is in the present.  A slump-breaker!  This is a really good romance, y’all.  Elliot and Macy’s chemistry is palpable.  You spend the whole novel worrying less about what drove them apart, and more about when they’re going to get together.  That being said, the best part of the book was definitely the past.  Their friendship felt genuine, which made the sexual tension buildup even better (speaking of: this is one of the few contemporary romances with legitimately good sex scenes).  The stakes aren’t quite as high in the present--it seems painstakingly obvious from the beginning that Macy can fix her issues in a pretty simple way.  And if she didn’t know that, I’d be a bit less annoyed, but she does.  Not much happens in the present, really--that’s just the payoff for what started in the past.  Still, this is a very sweet, sexy, and kind of heartwarming book that I would recommend to anyone who needs something that’s light without being TOO light.

Roomies by Christina Lauren.  3/5.  Holland is obsessed with a guitarist on the subway, and has been for about six months.  By a twist of fate, they finally meet, and through her connections she is able to get him a job opportunity.  The only problem is that Calvin--an Irish immigrant who’s overstayed his student visa--is in the States illegally.  So, out of the goodness of her heart and not at all because she wants to jump his bones, Holland offers to marry him so that he can get his green card.  What could go wrong?  Christina Lauren is, again, great at building up the sexual tension between her characters, and can actually write good sex scenes.  This is a sweet, fluffy, silly book.  I’d recommend it to romance fans.  It’s just not as substantial as Love and Other Words and the plot could have been stronger; I basically skimmed over that stuff because it didn’t really grab me, and focused more on the romantic bits between Holland Calvin.  A quick, nice read, but I’ve read better romance novels.

Lying in Wait by Liz Nugent.  2/5.  Andrew and Lydia, a wealthy couple who’ve fallen on hard time, have buried the body of a young woman in their back yard. Though Lydia desperately tries to keep the secret from their son, Laurence, he discovers the truth before long.  Meanwhile, their victim’s sister investigates Annie’s disappearance, struggling for answers.  Ugh, this hasn’t been a great month for me + thrillers.  This one sucked.  In theory, there were good ideas, and moments of good voice, but the overall execution was very poor.  The characters came off as caricatures, one of the worst things you can do in a thriller imo.  And ooooh, there was so much emphasis on Laurence’s obesity, Annie’s lack of education--it seemed lurid and borderline exploitative at times.  Hard pass.