#scoops troop? more like SNOOPS TROOP

[steddieas-shegoes]

I love your writing so much🥰 so I just had to try and send a request. Hope it's not too boring😅

The kids accidentally find Steve/Eddie's diary and starts reading it. He mentions no name, but it's made clear by the spicy entries in the diary, that he is dating someone. Maybe a polaroid of the sleeping boyfriend falls out, when they go to put the diary back🫣 bonus points if they get caught by one/both of the boys🤭

Acceptance/happy endings are never wrong❤️

Thank you so much!!! This one was fun! I switched the order of events, but same things happened and I think this makes it pretty entertaining. I didn't include all of the kids in this because it would be SO long I think. I am not good at keeping track of that many people at once anyways 🙃 But I hope you love this! - Mickala ❤️

------------------------------------------------------

“He said the cash was right here,” Dustin said as he shuffled some papers off of Steve’s cluttered desk.

“Why didn’t he just give us what he has in his wallet?” Lucas asked from behind him.

“How the hell should I know? He said this was specifically for us to use at the arcade.”

Steve sent them up here to get the cash, but it wasn’t here, and Dustin wasn’t always polite, but he wasn’t a snoop.

Neither was Lucas.

So when Dustin moved a stack of papers to the side and saw what was clearly a journal, he ignored it at first. It was either blank and not worth looking in or had Steve’s secrets in it, and he couldn’t betray Steve’s trust like that just because he was curious all the time.

He picked it up to check under it for the cash and a piece of paper fell out. No, not a piece of paper. It was a Polaroid.

It landed face down on the desk.

He shouldn’t look.

It could be private. It was in a journal, after all.

But he didn’t think Steve kept anything from him.

“What are you doing?” Lucas asked, moving in closer to look over Dustin’s shoulder.

“This fell out of Steve’s journal,” Dustin pointed down at the picture.

“Maybe it’s just a picture of him and Robin.”

“Maybe it’s a secret girlfriend! He’s been acting a little weird lately. Saying he’s got plans but not with Robin or us. He doesn’t have other friends, so who else could it be?”

Lucas shrugged and took the picture from Dustin.

He flipped it over and they both stared down at it.

It was someone asleep in Steve’s bed. They had long, curly hair, kind of like Eddie’s. Their face wasn’t visible, but some of their back was.

They had a scar on their shoulder that looked like it wrapped around their arm.

Kind of like…

“Is that Eddie?”

It couldn’t be. Steve wouldn’t have a picture of Eddie asleep in his bed to begin with, let alone hidden in a journal.

Would he?

Dustin immediately opened the journal to the first page to find out for sure. It would probably explain it on the first page, right? That’s most likely where the picture was.

But he skimmed the first page and never saw any names or the mention of a girlfriend.

Nothing on the second or third pages either.

But the fourth page had a bunch of doodles of hearts with the initials S.H. and E.M.

Steve and…who?

Those were Eddie’s initials, but there was no way it was him.

Dustin turned the page.

“Oh my god.”

Lucas pulled the journal away so he could read.

“Oh my god.”

Whoever this was, Steve was in love with them. Like, probably get married and have babies in love.

Dustin and Lucas shared a look before Lucas turned the page.

He read for a few seconds then snapped the journal shut, embarrassment written all over his face.

“What is it?” Dustin asked, reaching for the journal.

“Nothing we should see,” Lucas said with a shaking voice.

Dustin didn’t live life by not knowing.

He grabbed the book from Lucas and quickly turned to the page they left off on.

His hands. God, his hands could do anything to me and I’d thank him.

Dustin snapped the book shut, cheeks red as he realized a lot of things at once.

Steve had a boyfriend.

Steve’s boyfriend was in the picture they saw.

Steve’s boyfriend was probably Eddie.

“Did you find it?”

Both boys jumped. Dustin dropped the journal on the desk, flinching at the loud smacking noise it made.

He glanced at Lucas, who was visibly panicking.

“Nope! No cash here, man,” Dustin said, standing from the chair and guiding Lucas away from the desk.

“What? But I left it right there.”

Steve came over to the desk, looking down with a frown.

The frown grew when he saw the Polaroid out on the desk.

He looked over at where the journal sat, the line between his brows furrowing further.

“We didn’t mean to! The picture fell out and we just wanted to know who it was!”

Lucas wasn’t good in these types of situations, that had always been clear, but Dustin couldn’t believe the way he’d given away what they’d done so quickly.

“You guys read my journal?”

“Not all of it! Just the first few pages.”

“Shut up Lucas! God, you’re so bad at this.”

Steve glared at Dustin.

“At least he’s being honest.”

That hurt, but he knew Steve was probably panicking. Especially if he was right and he had a boyfriend.

“Steve, we really didn’t mean to find the picture and journal. Sorry we looked. But you know you can tell us anything. Especially if you’re happy with someone,” Dustin said quietly.

He’d never been so ashamed of being curious. His mom always said there’s a difference between being curious and being nosy and this went way past that line.

Suddenly, Eddie was in the doorway.

“Everything okay? You boys ready to go?”

Fuck. It was him in the picture. It was impossible not to see it when he was in front of them.

Steve and Eddie were dating. They were in love.

“Steve? You okay?” Eddie asked as he moved into the room, stopping next to Steve who was still looking down at the journal in his hands.

“They read some of it.”

Eddie’s brows furrowed in confusion before his eyes landed on the Polaroid on the desk.

He looked at Dustin, then Lucas, then Steve, who now looked like he was two seconds from crying.

He turned to Steve and placed a hand on his cheek, ignoring that Dustin and Lucas were even in the room.

“Did they say something, sweetheart? You want me to take them home and come back? What do you need?”

Steve sighed.

“No. Take them to the arcade. They probably got an eye full and hopefully learned their lesson.”

“Oh? What did you write about me?”

“Nothing you haven’t heard me say,” Steve said with a smirk and smacked his chest. “I’ll see you later though?”

“‘Course you will, Stevie.”

Eddie turned to Dustin and Lucas with a glare.

“You’re lucky Steve’s nice. I’m not as forgiving and you have 2 minutes to get in the van or I’m making you walk.”

“Wait!” Lucas said a bit too loudly for the close quarters.

“What?” Steve asked, placing the Polaroid back in the journal.

“We are sorry. But why did you keep it from us? How long have you been together?”

Steve and Eddie shared a look that Dustin couldn’t quite read. They seemed to be having a silent conversation. Creepy.

“Since Steve stayed with me at the hospital,” Eddie sighed. “It can be dangerous for people like us, even with people who may love us, especially then. We didn’t wanna tell you guys until we were both ready and sure you’d all take it well.”

“Are you kidding? My two favorite people are dating! Why wouldn’t we take it well?”

Steve smiled sadly, but just looked down at his feet.

“Because sometimes people you think will be on your side aren’t, okay?” Eddie said as he wrapped his arm around Steve’s waist. “And we’d really like you two not to tell anyone else until we’re ready to.”

“But everyone will be happy!”

“Dustin. Please.”

Dustin sighed, but accepted that this wasn’t up to him. If they wanted to wait, he could wait.

“Okay. Promise we won’t tell.”

Lucas nodded in agreement.

Eddie pulled away from Steve and pulled Dustin and Lucas into side hugs.

“Thanks. And in the future, don’t open journals that don’t belong to you so you don’t have to hear about Steve’s obsession with my hands.”

“How did you know that’s what we read? Or that it was in there?”

“Because I’m the one who helps him write when he has a migraine,” Eddie said with a smirk.

Dustin and Lucas were so shocked, they barely registered Eddie starting a countdown for them to get in the van until he was already at 15.

When they left the room, Eddie turned to Steve. He kissed his lips gently, smiling into it when he felt Steve’s hands on his hips.

“Hold that thought for later for me.”

Eddie tapped Steve’s ass and walked out of the room, smiling to himself the whole way to the van.

[devondespresso]

i was reading a scoops era steddie au where eddie visits scoops often and one thing i noticed i alway want but have yet to see (bear in mind my fic pallette is basically just shit i see on Tumblr and occasionally reading every fic a certain author has written) is a specific scene of eddie noticing stobins missing when he goes to visit them at scoops the day theyre stuck in the bunker. cause they entered the bunker after a shift one night and didn't get out until at the soonest the next afternoon right before the mall closes so if either or both of them were scheduled to work then they'd be just... gone.

and how characters around them handle that depends on how soon (if at all) they're declared missing. did robin think they'd be in-and-out in their snooping and tell her parents shes be back a little late or did she think they'd be out kinda late fucking around and just lied to her parents telling them shes sleeping over at a friend's like how we know tina was going to cover for erica? did mrs Henderson freak out when Dustin didn't bike back home (knowing what happened with will) or did she know he was with steve and trusted that they were goofing off or something?

and usually i see Steve's parents not being home but what if they were?? they could panic because steve always has some sort of excuse for why hes gone or maybe just his mom starts worrying because while his dad never really asks about him she does and she knows hes probably not at some girls house right now because he at least would have told her. or maybe mrs harrington doesn't know her son as well as she thinks she does and assumes he is out at some girls house and is relieved hes finally getting to be more like himself.

maybe just one or two people in scoops troop are reported missing that night and maybe the search started for them is enough for the other's parents or friends to realize they're all missing. maybe none of them are because they each already had a coverup with the people who'd notice. maybe they spent a good few hours in that elevator regretting lying about where they'd be because now no one knows they're in danger and by the time they start looking it could be too late (obviously erica didn't seem to grasp this yet but shes literally 10 and it's definitely her fist severely traumatic life or death experience. for the others tho it could definitely be on their minds and i have seen a few fics where robin wonders about how steve and Dustin are reacting like they've done scary shit like this before together)

then morning comes and id give it until lunch with no calls or anything before parents who believed their kids were sleeping over to start worrying seriously. maybe they call the friend their child's supposedly with and get a confused parent saying they haven't seen them or maybe they get the friend picking up and confirming they're fine (like tina). but if Mrs Henderson gets worried and calls steve she'll either get the harringtons saying he isn't home right now or she won't be able to reach him. and knowing steves like a big brother and a best friend to dustin knows that if steve missing too he's probably at least missing with him and goes to the station worried about them both

and then theres the fact that scoops has to open in the morning, probably sometime around 10am. maybe steve and robin were scheduled to both work again and as 10am comes and passes scoops ahoy hasn't been touched. maybe some mall manager calls the scoops manager (forgive me ive never worked in a mall but i do work in a store-within-a-store and we have our own manager plus the big store manager) and asks where their employees are. if missing persons reports were filed that last night then the manager would be really worried while frantically trying to find someone to cover for them. but maybe no one knows they're missing yet and their manager is grumbling about their no-shows, maybe considering firing them for both disappearing without even calling out. depending on how much they know and if the reports were filed, whoever has to cover their shifts is either worried about their coworkers (probably moreso robin than steve because of his reputation) or utterly pissed that they both didn't show and they have to open scoops ahoy with a few hours delay and probably a good few karens bitching about being closed. or maybe one or the other was scheduled and while their no-show is really inconvenient at least someone's there to open and ask for backup

and then theres steves car still parked in the back where it was the day before. a bike left behind at the mall is less eyebrow-raising but a fancy car? Steve Harrington's car? Steve Harrington who was scheduled to work today but somehow isn't in scoops right now? is he skipping work while simultaneously wandering around his workplace? and whats worse is despite evidence being there *no one can find him*. maybe thats what it takes for people to realize hes like actually missing. maybe they think he was kidnapped, hopefully he just went home with some girl and lost track of time.

and then theres eddie. eddie whos been stopping by scoops for a while now. maybe he still doesn't really like Harrington but likes teasing him with Buckley or maybe they've gotten pretty close. maybe they're already dating. maybe eddie walks up to scoops one morning to find it closed or to find that one or the other didn't show up for work this morning. maybe he hears from the worker that ones missing or maybe they get a rant about how pissed the worker is to be opening alone. maybe he's the one to go to a mall manager or security officer worried about scoops being closed because he *knows* the people that are supposed to be there right now and they don't just abandon work at the same time with no explanations.

or maybe eddie visits in the afternoons and learns they're missing from their coworkers or maybe hes there because he saw it on the news and went on his our hunt. either way it'd probably end with Eddie looking around the mall for them because he knows steve isn't going to just abandon his beemer in a busy public parking lot. maybe he finds them high out of their minds while checking the movie theatre (this one i do see a lot and am obsessed with its so good) or maybe he doesn't find them at all (its a big mall and they are actively hiding from Russians who know they escaped. sure stobin are not being very secretive while high but dustin and erica are at least keeping them in less-discoverable locations). maybe he goes home knowing hes looked everywhere in that damn mall and assumes they're probably kidnapped and taken somewhere else (if he did find them tho that opens a whole can of worms for if, how, and how much eddie gets involved and while my brains gone down sone of those rabbit holes i don't think i will today)

and then they see the news about the mall fire. and eddie knows damn well that he looked everywhere in that mall but didn't see a trace of his friends but there they are on the news and apparently in the fire. maybe eddie assumes he didn't look hard enough. but maybe he sees how steves the only one with more than a few bruises on his legs, how despite them claiming he was trapped in rumble that also allegedly killed billy hargrove he looks like hes carrying himself on adrenaline alone and hovering around robin and the kids like something more than falling support beams could get to them. maybe its the fact that he look as shit as he did but wasn't laying down on a hospital stretcher like he would be if he just got those wounds.

_._._._

hi if you saw any typos no you didn't UNLESS theyre funny or actually concerning then you should tell me and i can react appropriately

also i swear i feel like doctor strange looking through every possible reality when i go on tangents like this. idk whenever i come up with little fics in my head or come up with different ways my favorite unfinished fics could end im always exploring as many different versions of the same scenario as i can and coming up with as many what-ifs as i can.

also i pressed the poll button by accident while making this and idk how to make it go away to we're trying just ignoring it and not writing anything in it to see if it goes away

actually fuck that it probably wont work so im adding a poll question as a treat for the people who read this far

[witharsenicsauce]

Chosen Stories From the War #32: Forgetting Old Weapons

The wind whipped around the dirt road, stirring up sand and dust as the wheels of the dirtbike cut across the trails. Kon-Mai held up her hands to cover her face as her brother passed by them once again. Her white hair whipped around her in the violent wind: she had released it from it’s braids and it was hanging in ringlets today.

Dhar-Mon growled as he picked the sand grains off his tongue. “I do not understand the appeal of this.”

“I assume he likes the thrill.” Verge said, from his position on Kon-Mai’s left hand side. He was standing there with his hands clasped behind his back, at attention like always, but he seemed to be staring longingly at Gur-Rai as he made another lap on the road that ran around the oasis. “The sound of the tires on the road, the wind in his hair-”

“He is bald.” Kon-Mai chuckled. “Nazira is not though, and she evidently enjoys that sentiment.”

As Gur-Rai’s bike came to a slow stop in front of them, the tall woman stepped off and shook out her black hair, giggling the entire time. “That was lovely! I haven’t had this much fun in years!”

“I can always be counted on for a good time~” Gur-Rai said with a smirk, a bit of a purr in his voice. “Well? Anyone else up next? Molly, how about you?”

“I’ll ride with you when you wear your helmet.” She sighed, her arms crossed. “You know if you take a spill and smash your skull open, I don’t want to be the one scooping your brains back into your blue head.”

“That’s what the hood is for.” He chuckled, tapping the barely armored cloth. “But fair enough. Verge, how about you?”

Verge blinked. “What about…?”

“Why don’t you hop on.” Gur-Rai patted the seat behind him, winking as he did. “I would dare to say you’ve never been on a bike like this.”

“That is not true…” Verge straightened up and cleared his throat. “I have been on bikes.”

“Oh?” Gur-Rai leaned forward on the handlebars. “Then hop on. I mean. If you want~”

“Do I have a choice?” Verge raised a brow.

“If you prefer, I can lift you up on my back and carry you around the track~”

“I doubt you could lift me, but I like the idea.” Verge smirked.

“You wound me. I can lift my sister and she’s heavy as a truck!”

Kon-Mai hissed.

“Well then, let’s see.” Verge smirked, certain Gur-Rai would not go through with this threat. That smile disappeared as Gur-Rai jumped off the bike and scooped him up bridal style. Verge let out a yelp, and Nazira cackled.

“Oh come on now, you liked it when Zafar did it~” She winked, and Verge’s cheeks seemed to almost glow purple.

“Do not tease him.” Kon-Mai said with a barely visible smirk. “The poor thing has only just discovered what emotions are.”

“Now now, I think we’re all in a similar boat.” Nazira reached up to lean on Kon-Mai’s shoulder.  Even with her own great height, she only came up to just about the Chosen woman’s neck.

Malinalli looked up at Dhar-Mon, who was staring after Gur-Rai as he ran off with Verge in his arms, and smiled. “You could probably carry me if you wanted.”

Dhar-Mon blushed bright purple. “...I suppose.”

“Mm.” She clasped her hands in front of her, turning around as footsteps approached them. “Oh, hello Sir.”

“There is no need for that.” Zafar insisted, his wide mouth growing into a sharp grin. His black hair was pulled back into a ponytail that sat tall at the crown of his head, and his red robes fluttered in the light desert breeze. “Nazira, the Commander wishes to speak to us again.”

“Is she finally ready to fork over some soldiers?” Nazira sighed. “I hope she lets you all stay, I’ve been having so much fun with all my Chosen~”

Kon-Mai sighed. “We are needed for the greater war effort.”

“Oh fine, I understand, forget all about little old me.” Nazira said it jovially, but there was an edge to her voice.

“I don’t know what she’s decided.” Zafar admitted. “And ultimately we are at her mercy.”

“If she wants me to pick up a gun again…” Nazira grumbled as she let go of Kon-Mai. “Well, give Gur-Rai a kiss from me!”

“I will meet you there shortly.” Zafar called after her. Turning back to the Chosen, he raised a brow. “I wanted to make a request of all of you…” He said. “It is about my own...abilities.”

“Why do you sound hesitant?” Dhar-Mon asked.

“Because those memories are never pleasant to revisit. That time of my life feels completely detached from who I am now.” Zafar admitted. “I don’t know if I’d even be able to hold a pistol right anymore, and that leaves me at the mercy of XCOM, whatever their whims may be.”

“Just use your psionics.” Malinalli said.

Zafar chuckled. “I wish I could. But the gift does not embrace me like it does you...humans.”

“What of a sword?” Kon-Mai asked. “Have you ever utilized a sword or close range weapon?”

Zafar raised a brow. “I will admit we haven’t.”

Kon-Mai’s face seemed to light up. “Maybe I could teach you. The sword is quite different from the gun.”

“I have long wanted to explore more traditional means of human warfare.” He chuckled. “And who better than the mistress of blades to teach us?”

Kon-Mai grinned, bearing sharp teeth. “With me you will not just learn to kill. You will learn to dance.”

“I shall look forward to our battle, Shrinemaiden.” He waved as he disappeared into the sand.

.

.

Senuna plopped down on the pillow, her white cape fluttering behind her as she did. Jane adjusted her rifle in her arms, leaning it against her hip. She didn’t intend to use it today, and Bradford didn’t even have his drawn, but he did look at Zafar with the slightest bit of distrust. Just like him to assume everything would go wrong.

“I have good news.” Senuna said. “The Reapers have graciously stepped up.”

Zafar blinked in confusion. “Stepped up to what?”

“They’ll be donating their own forces to cover Dakhla.” She said. “Their home has been under siege by ADVENT and they need-”

“They hate us!” Nazira stood up from her position at her brother’s side, her face pale. “They eat alien meat, don’t they?!”

“Yes, but.” Senuna held up her hand. “Since allying with the Skirmishers, there has been a considerable drop in that. They mostly eat Chryssalids and Vip-oh.” Senuna stopped herself too late.

Nazira looked at her with a mix of horror and fury. “Brother. We can’t.” She hissed. “They will kill us in our sleep.”

Zafar sighed. “I did not expect you to involve the other factions.” He said. “We have already had problems with the Templars to the north. If it was the Skirmishers, maybe. But the Reapers are known to harbor ill feelings towards us.” He shrugged. “Not that I blame them, per se. But we want safety here, and I think this will provide more unrest.”

Bradford stepped forward. “Look, you need soldiers. The Reapers need a new home. Avoiding each other isn’t going to make this sentiment go away so you might as well face this head on.”

“I would agree.” Zafar nodded. “But I also don’t want riots breaking out in my village.”

“It won’t just be Reapers.” Jane spoke finally. “About two dozen XCOM recruits will be staying behind, as well as a few Skirmishers. The exact number I don’t know.”

“I don’t want to be stabbed in the back and skinned as a delicacy.” Nazira hissed. “And who’s to say they won’t?!”

“You are allies.” Senuna assured her. “Volk is stubborn, but not stupid. He won’t attack you on purpose.”

“Maybe he won’t. But what of his soldiers?” Nazira crossed her arms.

“His soldiers are all quite obedient.” Jane said. “Except Elena, but she almost holds a command position herself. And she’s married to a Skirmisher. She’d be a good fit here.”

That, Zafar seemed to ponder. Nazira still grimaced at the idea, but she held silent.

“What else?” He asked. “There’s something more you’re thinking of, Commander. I know it.”

“We would like to train some of the citizens.” She said. “As helpful as our own troops will be, it will be much easier to defend Dakhla if the people here can use a gun.”

Nazira turned on her heel and stormed out, and Zafar sighed. “I was afraid you would ask this.”

“Why?” Senuna crossed her arms. “Most of the people here are former ADVENT.”

“Most of the people here are traumatized by their service.” Zafar objected. “My own hands struggle to hold weaponry. Getting them to hold a weapon would be nigh impossible.”

“That can’t be true for all of them.” Jane said. “We’re in the middle of a war. They have to fight.”

“Do they?” He asked, glaring at her. “Or do you simply expect them to?”

Jane fell silent, where Senuna piped up. “Yes. We do.”

.

.

Imdugud was tired of not receiving the recognition he deserved for such a taxing job.

It was his job to wrangle in the Sectoids, who had grown unruly with the implementation of human DNA. It was his job to oversee the cloning facilities and to do annual checks on the gene therapy clinics. It was his job to make lists on lists and then make lists of those lists and of course he did it all. Why wouldn’t he? He loved his job.

But oh did he wish it had more reward. As it was this was no different from his life on Thaumas. 

“That’s not true.” Reue said behind him. She could hear his thoughts and she had no problem snooping. “People do appreciate you here. People actually answer to you. Remember on Thaumas? You took all the blame, it’s how you fell in with us to begin with.”

He hated it when she was right. But she was. “Whatever you need, Reue, it’ll have to wait...” He said, not looking up from the desk he levitated in front of. Before him were spread several thin sheets of paper, and he ran his hand over one of the crisp corners. Stars above, he loved this planet, it’s trees and it’s paper. “Do you remember when Bhandasura took us out to the wastes of Korallion? Where the crystal trees grew so high they punctured the atmosphere?”

“Yes.” Reue said as she came closer.

“I hated those trees.” He growled. “Unmoving, unending, barely alive.” He picked up a sheet of paper: it was another list of all the designation numbers of the Sectoids he was reviewing for his mission. Half of them were crossed out. “Can you feel this? It’s soft and real.”

“It’s dead.” Reue deadpanned. “That’s just a flap of dead flesh from a tree.”

“Yes. But it was once alive.” He chuckled and laid it back on the table. “Now, the names written on it, you could make the argument that they’re already dead too.”

“But they come from us.” She protested. “I wish you would take care of them-”

“So did the Chosen. And look at them.” He scoffed. “That went so well. I swear upon a black hole, if our doctors have to keep diverting resources to Abyzou and her abhorrent obsessions, we’ll lose all we’ve gained over the millennia.”

“Don’t talk about lau Mordenna like that.” Reue hissed.

“Well, for a moment I forgot how pathetic you were.” Imdugud gathered up the papers in his hands. “This little crush was cute at first, but it’s gotten old, Reue.”

“So have you.” Reue spat. “When will your force be assembled? Lau Madron wants to know where his daughter is.”

“I’m still waiting on Xezbeth and Tiyanak, they said they’ll have something ready for me tonight.” He brushed past her. “...Do you miss home, Reue?”

Reue didn’t answer at first.

“I hope not. I sure don't.” Imdugud chuckled. “The universe would be better off without the whole lot, anyway.”

.

.

While the soldiers had, at first, found Dakhla to be new and exciting and exotic, they had quickly grown bored when they discovered that there were less “Viper Hostess Bars” and more “small desert taverns.” They had found one that was, quite literally, a hole in the wall, it’s sandstone walls keeping the cool air inside to shield them from the unrelenting sun. The ground was covered in sand, and everything had a strange, thin layer of dust coating it like a second skin.

Mithridates didn’t look up from his laptop until Tiwaz poked his ribcage, and then he jumped, looking wide-eyed at the older man. “Y-Yeah?”

“Want anything to drink?” Tiwaz asked with a smile. He had discarded his armor in favor of a tank top and shorts that came up far above his thighs. His blonde hair was getting long, now falling in a dirty mop around his eyes and down his neck.

“...No.” Mithridates shook his head. “I don’t drink.”

“Come on, Maruf.” Tisiphone practically barked at him, her voice echoing through the cave-like room. “Loosen up a bit.”

“It’s against my religion.” He muttered.

“I didn’t know you were religious.” Princess chimed in, a smile on her face. “I’m a Presbyterian! What do you practice?”

“The belief that everyone can mind their own fucking business.” Mithridates glared at her. “I don’t drink, that’s that.”

“Okay, fine, don’t get so anal about it.” Tisiphone stood. “I’ll come with you. I’m gonna grab a rum and coke.”

Tiwaz nodded. “Maruf, you sure you don’t want anything? Maybe a soda?”

Mithridates pondered that for just a moment. “...Coke.” He finally choked out.

“Can do!” Tiwaz sauntered his way over to the bar, Tisiphone following behind him to the bar. The stone was inscribed with ancient hieroglyphs written all the way back in the days of Egypt, and at first the soldiers had all been enamored with them, until the barkeep told them it was just a recipe for beer.

The woman there was...not what they were used to calling a woman, and Tisiphone paused for a moment, watching the Viper wiping down a glass with a rag and putting it under the sandstone counter. Despite the scales, she seemed to have wrinkles around her red eyes. It sent a shiver up Tisiphone’s spine: this alien looked almost human.

“You ok?” Tiwaz took her hand.

“Yeah.” She sighed. “...It’s just hard sometimes.”

“I get you. I think this one is cool though.” He smiled.

“How do you know?” Tisiphone raised a brow.

“I like to assume the best in people.”

“That’s a good way to get killed.”

“It worked when I met you.”

“Yeah, and I tried to kill you.” Tisiphone chuckled, relaxing enough to lean on the bar as the Viper turned towards them. “Rum and coke?”

“Is Pepsi okay?” The Viper hissed.

Tisiphone sighed. “Good to see some things never change.”

.

.

Kon-Mai ran her hand along the outside of the temple, barely grazing the centuries old graffiti. Sarapammon, an old god (or perhaps king?) stared down at her, flanked by a baboon and a ram. His full locks of hair, strong back and piercing gaze reminded her of Dhar-Mon. Once, she had seen him make an address to the people of Earth, in the middle of the city center in Ehime. He had announced her presence like he was proclaiming the second coming. In that moment, she had felt special. That moment ended far too soon.

She looked into the darkness of the tiny temple, it’s cool air blowing over her slightly sunburnt face, and she took a single step inside before the sound of movement caught her off guard.

“Who’s there?” She heard Nazira call from the darkness.

“Only me.” It was hard to sound calming with her scraggly voice, but she tried anyway. “I thought you were meeting the Commander.”

“I was.” Nazira sounded like she wanted to say more, but nothing else followed.

“...May I step inside?” Kon-Mai asked. “The sun is-”

“Yes, sure.” More rustling, like the woman was making room for her, and Kon-Mai stepped into the shadows. Like always, they swallowed her, surrounding her like old friends.

Nazira sat cross legged before the tiny alter, which bore the visage of three gods, two men and one woman. Kon-Mai felt her heart drop for a moment before she shook off that fearful feeling. There was no way.

She knelt beside her, sitting back on her heels and closing her eyes for a moment, letting the cool air not just overtake her, but flow through her. For a moment she could see Dakhla as it once was, bustling with ancient humans who spoke a language so like her own and yet not at all. Some of them saw her. Some of them looked like her.

She opened her eyes and looked at Nazira, who was staring up at the wall, inscribed with ancient hieroglyphs. “Did something happen?”

“The Commander doesn’t listen.” Nazira spat. “I don’t want to fight her wars. I just want to live.” She reached up and pressed her long fingers into her brow ridge. “I never want to pick up another gun.”

Kon-Mai raised a brow. “Never?”

“I am done with that life.” She added. “I am no longer that person, quite literally.” She gestured to herself. “But she can’t see that, can she? It’s just like with the Elders. I’m just a tool for them to use.”

Kon-Mai didn’t know quite what to say. “...I’m sorry.” She finally said. “I did not realize this war had such a lasting impact on you.”

“It affects all of us differently.” Nazira mumbled. “Most people here avoid guns because they feel as though they can’t trust themselves with them. I know I can’t trust myself not to break and forget all I am now.” She shifted, sitting on her hip. “If I pick up another pistol, I worry I’ll be no different from before.”

“That is a silly fear.” Kon-Mai said. “You are you. That should never change.”

“Don’t.” Nazira glared at her, green eyes glowing in the dark. “Do not patronize me.”

Kon-Mai shrunk back a hair.

“I suffered endless torment at the hands of the Elders.” She held out her palms. “I was never meant to be like this. I was stolen from a home I will never know, mutated to serve their purpose, given a gun and told to kill like a mindless slave. You of all people should understand-”

“I’m sorry.” Kon-Mai interjected quickly. “I was not thinking of what I said. It’s not a silly fear.” She took a slow breath. “I only meant, the Elders do not decide who you are. You have already made that decision. I believe you are strong enough to uphold it.”

“I hope so.” Nazira stood. “But I’m not willing to take that risk.”

Suddenly, Kon-Mai’s eyes lit up. “Is it only guns?”

Nazira looked confused. “Only guns?”

“Your brother asked earlier if I could train him in swordsmanship.” Kon-Mai smiled excitedly. “Perhaps I could do the same for you.”

.

.

“Then it is settled.” Zafar finally relented, but there was a smile on his face to indicate that this interaction wasn't entirely disturbing to him. “Those who wish to train with XCOM will be given the opportunity I doubt you’ll have many takers, but what can I say?” He chuckled.

“And the Reapers will be given a temporary outpost here.” Senuna added. “Until they can find a better place to set up shop.”

“I think that will be fair enough.” Zafar nodded and stood, reaching out to shake Senuna’s hand. “What will happen now?”

“Now I must escort our troops to you.” She giggled. “It shouldn’t take all that long, but we will be gone for a few days. The Templars are making their way over here and will likely arrive before us, so try to be on alert.”

“For someone with such power yourself, you seem to be very wary of the Templars.”

“That’s exactly why I am wary.” She winked. “I know what I can do, and I don’t trust myself one bit~”

Zafar blinked, looking at Bradford worriedly.

“Don’t worry about it.” He chuckled. “She’s bad at jokes.”

“Oh that’s wise, Dadford~” Senuna glared back at him.

“That’s a vintage meme.” Jane chuckled. “If we’re all done here, I’m going to check in with the other soldiers.”

“I heard some of them were checking out that little tavern by the entrance.” Bradford tapped his chin. “Was it um…”

“Althae’s Ban.” Zafar snickered. “Yes, it’s a...very interesting place.”

Bradford blinked slowly, and Jane looked away to hide her smile as she rushed out. “Um, so yeah, see ya on the ship Bradford.”

“Jane-” Bradford reached to stop her, but Senuna waved her hand.

“Let her have fun. She’s young.” She giggled. “And I trust her to be safe.”

“She’s an intriguing young lady.” Zafar raised a brow as he watched her speed walk down the road. “...Hm.”

“Hm?” Senuna chuckled. “I’m afraid you’re not her type, Zafar.”

“And she’s not mine, so don’t worry.” He crossed his arms. “She’s simply familiar, that is all.”

“Familiar?” Bradford looked interested. “How so?”

“Her face.” Zafar seemed to brush him off. “I’m sure I am imagining it, but she resembles someone my sister and I met long ago.”

.

.

Jane pushed aside the colorful curtain, and the smell of brandy hit her in the face. She took a strong whiff, almost expecting to see Bryni somewhere nearby, but alas the red haired pilot was nowhere to be found. Damn.

She did see a few familiar faces though. Princess and Mithridates were in a booth by themselves, and made sure there was no way they’d be mistaken for a couple by throwing pebbles at each other. Tisiphone and Tiwaz were by the stone bar, beside an older looking snake woman. Her scales were a pale sea foam green, and her eyes were crimson. At Jane’s entrance, she looked up briefly and scanned the human with a flick of her eyes, then her tongue.

Jane straightened her back and marched over to the bar. “Hello.”

“Hi Quiet.” Tisiphone grumbled. “Don’t mind my attitude, I’m just trying to get drunk.”

“What if you need to be alert?” Jane asked. “If there’s an ambush?”

“I can shoot while I’m drunk.” She snapped. “Better than the boomer here.”

“Hey.” Tiwaz chuckled, unfazed by her comment. “You always seem grateful for my grenades in the field.”

“In the field, yeah. Everywhere else, your explosive personality is annoying.”

“Oh fuck you!” Said someone who was not Tiwaz. Princess came stomping over. “He won’t let me play solitaire on his computer!”

“You’ll ruin my high score, you fucking bitch!” Mithridates snapped, holding his computer against his chest.

“Children.” Tisiphone rested her head in her hand. “Please shut the fuck up.”

Jane looked up at the barkeep, who was obviously watching but trying not to make it look like she was. She gave her a nervous smile, and the Viper flicked her tongue at her.

“What’s your name?” Jane asked.

“You cannot pronounce what my sisters call me.” The Viper said in a voice that was scratched and worn. “But the humans here call me Althaea.”

“The Healer.” Jane nodded. “Fitting.”

“I heal minds with my brew.” She said, putting a glass in front of Jane. “And bodies in...other ways.”

“What kind of bodies?”

“Any that catch my interest.” Althaea looked her up and down. “And you certainly do. You’ve walked along the edge of a blade.”

Jane pondered this a moment. “...I suppose I have.” She took the glass. It smelled of Absinthe. “So what made you leave ADVENT?”

“Same as all the rest. My chip fell out one day.” Althaea grabbed a rag from under the bar, although it was covered in sand already so it did little to clean the stone bar. “I managed to fake it for a while. It wasn’t like I was an officer so I could just listen to the vocal commands. But it just ain’t right. We vipers aren’t meant to be caged.” She leaned forward. “I know the names of every planet the Elders conquered.”

“Really?” Jane raised a brow. “And you want to tell me yours?”

“It was called Vyraj.” She said sadly. “I don’t even know if it’s still inhabited. Not like it matters. I will never see it again.”

“Never say never.” Jane reached forward. “When we win, I might take you there.”

“When we win.” Althaea looked up at her, red eyes meeting hazel. “You are an interesting human.”

“I get that a lot.” Jane took a long drink of Absinthe. It burned going down her throat. “When do you close?”

“Right now if your friends can behave themselves for an hour.” She chuckled, already putting up the “OUT TO LUNCH” sign.

.

.

Imdugud tried to be as quiet as possible as he approached the two, but they seemed to hear him anyway and whirled around, their almost black eyes meeting his pale purple ones.

He let out the breath he was holding. “I need your reports.” He said. “I have been waiting days and you haven’t responded to me. Have you put more resources into creating the priests like I asked?”

“At first we did.” Tiyanak clasped their hands in front of them. “But then-”

“We had an idea.” Xezbeth interrupted their partner. “A wonderful idea.”

“I do not pay you to have ideas.” Imdugud snarled.

“You do not pay us at all, Imdugud. We are equals in rank.”

“Perhaps here. But on Thaumas-”

If Tiyanak had a mouth, they would have been smiling. “But we are not on Thaumas.” They said. “And I believe that’s quite lucky for you.”

“I can have you executed for this.” Imdugud sighed, knowing he was defeated. “Xezbeth, for the stars sake, you look like you are about to supernova.”

“I know you will like what we have made.” They insisted. “Follow us, Imdugud, and see.”

“Will it help in capturing the Assassin?”

“Yes.” Xezbeth insisted. “That is why we did this. This will give us the edge against her.”

Imdugud pondered this for a moment, and the two stared at him, Xezbeth twitching excitedly, Tiyanak’s eyes burrowing into his soul.

“Fine then.” Imdugud relented. “Show me this great project of yours.”

.

.

.

.

.

(Technically it’s still Monday! If I don’t sleep!

Like I said in my announcement, future chapters may be getting delayed as my county is currently burning to the ground. I hope to have the next chapter out by Sunday, but thank you all so, so much for being patient with me!)

Archive: https://chosenstories.tumblr.com/

[duhragonball]

[FIC] Luffa: The Legendary Super Saiyan (130/?)

Disclaimer: This story features characters and concepts based on Dragon Ball, which is a trademark of Bird Studio/Shueisha and Toei Animation.   This is an unauthorized work, and no profit is being made on this work by me. This story is copyright of me. Download if you like, but please don’t archive it without my permission. Don’t be shy.

Continuity Note: About 1000 years before the events of Dragon Ball Z.

[10 October, 233 Before Age. Interstellar Space.]

Luffa's star-yacht, the Emerald Eye was constructed as a civilian pleasure craft, but under her ownership it now served as the de facto flagship of the interstellar Federation she had created. As a Super Saiyan, she had little need for fleets or armaments in battle, but she needed the transportation to get her from one battlefield to another. The current war against a cult of alchemically-enhanced Saiyans had kept her very busy. When she wasn't liberating a Federation planet from Jindan cultists, she was recuperating from her wounds or traveling to her next battle. Today, she was en route to a conference with the Federation's civilian and military leaders to discuss the situation. In preparation for this, she contacted her allies in the field to compare notes. The dining room of her yacht had a set of video conference monitors. Luffa sat alone at the table, scooping reheated pottage from a large bowl and eating it with her bare hand while they spoke.

"I've fought this rock creature thing on a dozen different planets by now," Luffa said. "All of them were attacked by Jindan Saiyans beforehand. I think their mission was to prepare those worlds for whatever magic trick he's using. Whatever it is, it assumes the form of King Rehval, Seltiss' father, and it talks like him too. I've gotten pretty good at fighting them, but they're too strong for most of our forces. Katem might do okay on his own, and maybe a few dozen of Seltiss's troops could figure something out, but your fleet wouldn't stand a chance, Marshall."

To Luffa's left, a screen showed Seltiss, leader of the Saiyan Free Company, with Xibuyas. They were teenagers, and uncomfortable with Luffa for a number of reasons, not the least of which was her claim to be Xibuyas' mother. But Luffa was rather accustomed to making other people uncomfortable. To her right, Marshall Ryba Booth sat at a desk in one of his fleets' command ship. Physically unimpressive, Booth's only real power lay in his political savvy and his sway over the Federation's military.

"And how do we stop him?" Booth asked. "The Saiyan invaders have been difficult enough to handle without some indestructible rock creature backing them up."

"The one thing in our favor is that he only seems to be able to manifest himself in one place at a time," Luffa said. "So far, he only seems to be using this power to draw me away from his underlings. That tells me his main objective is something he needs his troops to accomplish. Maybe he wants them to take something from the planets he's been sending them to, or he wants to conquer and hold territory. His rock body can't move from place to place, or he'd do it himself."

"What's to stop him from destroying Federation planets?" Booth asked. "He has more than enough power. Even his weakest soldiers could do it."

"It's not a small thing, destroying a planet, Marshall," Luffa said. "I'll let the kids explain it, and we'll see if they learned anything."

Xibuyas opened his mouth to object to Luffa's tone, but Seltiss spoke first, and he remained quiet. "You're right, Marshall," Seltiss said. "It doesn't take a Super Saiyan to blow up a planet. I could do it, and I'm not nearly as strong as Luffa or Xibuyas. I know some Saiyans who are weaker than I am, and they still have the raw power to damage a planet's crust. That wouldn't cause it to explode, but it'd still be enough to render it uninhabitable. But most Saiyans know better than to use that much power carelessly. Tactically speaking, it just isn't worth it."

Luffa smirked with approval. "Very good. Your turn, Katem. Why's it a bad idea?"

"My name is Xibuyas, and I didn't come here to play your games," Xibuyas grumbled.

"Oh, chill out, Xibuyas," Seltiss said. "Just answer the question."

He sighed and did as she said. "Everything a Saiyan needs is on a planet," he began. "Food, air, water, the light of a full moon. Oh, there's battle to be had in space, but no one wants to be cooped up in a starship, afraid to cut loose for fear of wrecking their own life support system. Planets are sturdy enough to support the Saiyan lifestyle. They're too valuable to destroy. Only a fool would annihilate one without a very good reason."

"Well done," Luffa said. "Rehval's a coward, and a bastard, and a lot of other things, but he's not stupid enough to tear down a potential resource. If nothing else, he knows we have to stretch our forces pretty thin to defend the Federation. If he starts blowing up our planets, he'll make it easier for us to defend the ones that are left."

"My father still thinks of himself as a cosmopolitan head of state," Seltiss said. "I don't understand why he's taken this aggressive posture, but I'm sure he plans to advance his standing in the galactic community. He might conquer your Federation, or weaken its influence, but if he destroys it, he'll only be proving that he's a rampaging monster. He would be undermining everything that the Rehval Dyansty has been trying to do for the Saiyan people."

"No, it's worse than that," Luffa said. "Your father's got some kind of god complex now. It's not just about good standing in galactic politics. Now, he wants people to worship him. Either way, he can't blow up all the little people, or there won't be anyone around to thank him for it later."

"Can you defeat him, Luffa?" Booth asked.

"I managed to knock those rock bodies of his around pretty good," Luffa said. "The trouble is that he can just abandon it and move on. Make another one someplace else. I can't hurt him unless I find his real body, and that could be anywhere."

"Well, his followers won't tell us," Xibuyas groused. "I've interrogated plenty of them, and it's always the same result. They'd sooner die than betray him."

"There must be some limit to his power," Seltiss said. "His base must be close to Federation space for him to animate all these creatures."

"Even if that were true, it's still too big an area to search," Luffa said. "And we can't commit our forces to look for him because we're stuck on the defensive. Our only option is to whittle away at his goons. But it's the only option he's given us, so it must mean we're playing into his hands. The whole thing's pretty damned annoying."

"Which is why the Federation Council has ordered this conference," Booth said. He rested his elbows on his desk and steepled his hands. "It's been almost eight months, and if there really is no end in sight, then we need to plan ahead for a prolonged conflict."

"A waste of time," Xibuyas muttered. "We should be fighting, not wasting time with a gaggle of bureaucrats!"

"Oh, I agree," Booth said, "but this is what happens when wars grow old. Strategy gives way to policy, and the public has to be reassured that this is all worth doing."

"Cheer up, boy," Luffa said to Xibuyas. "You and I can spar a little if you get bored."

He winced with disgust at the suggestion, and Luffa grinned with satisfaction. King Rehval had raised him to hate her, and he still did, even after he had turned against the king. Teasing the young man was the closest thing they had to a relationship.

"We ought to think about how to search for my father," Seltiss argued. "I agree that we can't spare the ships, but there has to be some way to track down his base. Until we do, we're just treading water."

"What are thinking, Seltiss?" Luffa asked. "Hire a few bounty hunters to snoop around?"

"It's worth a try, right?" Seltiss said with a shrug. "They don't even need to find anything, just as long as they can point us in the right direction."

It pleased Luffa to have Seltiss on her side. Rehval had turned her son against her, so turning his daughter against him seemed appropriate. The girl was too interested in fashion and poise for Luffa's liking. Her bright pink hair dye and pressed suit coat made it hard to tell she was a Saiyan teenager, but she made up for it with her skills as a leader.

While they were talking, a crewman entered Booth's room and whispered something to him. "Hold that thought, ladies," Booth said as he began tapping buttons on his computer. "I've just received reports that a Saiyan surrendered to a patrol ship near Qongoding. He was dressed in the same red uniform the Jindan cult uses."

"Surrendered?" Xibuyas asked in disbelief.

"That fortuneteller of yours didn't say anything about this, did she?" Seltiss asked Luffa.

"No," Luffa said, "but Dotz can't predict everything, and she's been focusing on attacks. If this guy turned himself in without a fight... Where is he now, Booth?"

"On his way to you, apparently," Booth said. "He kept insisting he has vital information, but he refuses to talk to anyone until he sees you, in person. So the captain decided to grant his wish."

They all looked at one another for a moment, and Luffa finally said: "I think I'll be a little late to that conference."

*******

[12 October, 233 Before Age. Interstellar Space.]

So far, Guwar's plan had worked. Knowing as much as he did about the Jindan Cult's tactics, it was easy for him to enter Federation space without running into any invasion ships that might have tried to stop him. The trickier part was avoiding the Federation's Saiyan allies. Guwar had heard that bands of Saiyan mercenaries had joined the Federation cause, but he hadn't expected there to be so many of them. It gave him a shred of hope that King Rehval could be stopped, but it also made it harder to enter Federation space. He was certain that a Federation patrol would accept his surrender, but a Saiyan would show him no mercy at all.

And so, he couldn't truly relax until he was aboard Luffa's ship. Once the patrol ship took him into custody, they rendezvoused with her star-yacht, and a blue-skinned woman crossed over via a docking tunnel. Instead of leading him back to the yacht, she studied him carefully, without a word of explanation.

"Haven't I seen you before?" Guwar asked.

"I doubt it," she said.

"I'm sure of it," Guwar said. "The eyepatch, the red hair... I wouldn't just forget--"

"He's clean," she suddenly said. "I'm bringing him aboard."

It was then that he noticed the earpiece in her left ear, and he realized she was talking to her ship. Then she put a gun to his lower back and nudged him to lead the way through the docking tunnel. As they walked, he finally realized where he had seen her before. That bar on that planet where he first ran into Treekul and Endive. Endive had disguised herself as Luffa, and Treekul had been dressed up as a blue alien with red hair. It was all part of some test to see if Guwar could be trusted before they recruited him in the quest to find the Jindan Cult. He suddenly remembered that Lesseri, the third woman in their gang, had actually trained under Luffa for a short time, and she must have based Treekul's disguise on this alien.

It all felt like ancient history, but it must have only been a few months ago. He had lost track of time since joining the cult, but he was sure it couldn't have been that long ago. It hurt him to think of the others. He had harbored a certain affection for Treekul and Endive, and he had only recently learned that they each felt the same way about him. And now that he finally knew, he would probably never see either of them again. Well, it saved him the trouble of having to choose one of them, he thought bitterly. He disliked Lesseri, but he had no idea what had happened to her, and that bothered him more than he cared to admit to himself. For all he knew she was long dead, another martyr sent to the Federation to die in King Rehval's pointless war.

Though he knew it wasn't fair, he resented this blue alien woman for reminding him of all of this. He supposed that Lesseri's little test had failed. At long last, he had chosen to betray them to Luffa after all.

"In here," the woman said as she led him to a small room.

He noticed the word "brig" on the door, though the lavish accommodations made him wonder if he had misread the sign. There were two rooms which might qualify as holding cells, and each of them had a fake plant and a magazine rack. The whole thing looked more like a waiting room than a jail.

"I guess even rich people have to put their unruly guests someplace, huh?" Guwar said. The woman didn't reply. She just nudged him into one of the cells and activated a force field to seal him inside. Even in his weakened condition, Guwar expected that he could break through the field, or even smash through the walls around it. The woman seemed to agree with his assessment, which was why she kept her plasma pistol trained on him while they waited.

A few minutes later, Luffa entered the room. She ignored Guwar and spoke with the blue woman instead. Guwar wasn't surprised by any of this. This sort of treatment was what interrogations were made of. They would do whatever it took to rattle him and shake his self-confidence. What bothered him instead was how much shorter and younger Luffa looked in person. There were bandages wrapped around her shoulders and arms, and bruises on her face. He knew that she had the ability to transform back and forth from her glowing golden form, but she looked so normal right now. Almost pathetic.

This was the miracle warrior he had risked everything to find?

"I'll take it from here," Luffa said, and the blue woman left them alone. Luffa found a chair and shoved it in front of Guwar's cell before taking a seat. She didn't say anything at first. She just stared at Guwar, like a bird-of-prey regarding its next meal.

"I know where he is," Guwar said. "That's all you wanted to know, isn't it? The last time we met, you were chasing me because you thought I knew something about Rehval. Well now I actually do, and I'll tell you all about it."

"Nagaoka, right?" Luffa said. "I've never heard of it, but that's where you want me to go, isn't it?"

"You already knew?" Guwar asked, somewhat anxiously.

"The patrol crew who brought you here? They went over your ship's computer core," Luffa explained. "I was talking to them while you were moving into your new 'quarters.' Now, I'm pretty sure you could rip your way out of that cell, but I think you're smart enough to know what'll happen to you if you try to leave."

"I know things that weren't in the computer," Guwar said. He hadn't counted on anyone to backtrack his navigation logs, and suddenly he began to realize how expendable his life would be once he revealed all his secrets. "I was part of his cult. He shared the Jindan power with me. He took the power away from me when I left, but I know how it works, and how to deal with it. I can help you plan your attack, but you need to move quickly! He thinks he's invincible, but if he finds out you know where he is, he could pack up and move to a new hiding place--"

"Why should I believe you, Guwar?" Luffa asked. "You don't have much credibility where I'm concerned."

"I risked my life to come here!" Guwar exclaimed. "Doesn't that count for something?"

"Sure it does," Luffa said. "It means you're more afraid. Something's got you so scared that you'd rather risk flying into a war zone and turning yourself in to me. You figure if you give me some intel on my enemies, I'll protect you, instead of turning you into a red stain on the ground. But being desperate doesn't help your credibility. Kind of the opposite, really."

"I don't believe this!" Guwar snapped. "The last time we met, you were chasing me across the universe for information on Rehval that I didn't even have! Now I'm coming to you with his exact location and you threaten me?"

"Let's say I believe you," Luffa reasoned. "Most likely, you ran to Rehval because you thought he could save you from me. Now, you're running to me because you're afraid of him. That makes you a coward, Guwar, no matter how you slice it. Right now, I'm disgusted to breathe the same air as you."

She made a derisive snort as she crossed her arms, and waited to see how he reacted. The fearful look on his face was no surprise to her, but then his expression shifted, and he looked more insulted than afraid. And then she was surprised to see a flicker of defiance in his eyes.

"No," he said. "I don't buy it. That holier-than-thou act of yours doesn't wash with me."

"Really?" Luffa asked.

"If I'm so offensive to your presence, if you're so confident that you can get along without my help, then you would have killed me already. You can still kill me right now, so what's stopping you?"

"Suppose you tell me," Luffa replied.

"You're the one who's desperate, Luffa," Guwar said. "I can see it in your eyes. For all your power and majesty, you want to end this war more than Rehval does. That's why he's using attrition tactics against you. He knows you care about the people who live in the Federation, and that you can't stand the mounting civilian casualties. Oh, you may be an invincible warrior, but no matter how inevitable your victory is, you won't be able to bring back the war dead. You need a way to end this conflict quickly, and the only way to do that is to take the fight to Rehval, and this 'coward' you're looking at is the only lead you have."

Luffa glared at him for what seemed like an eternity. Then, at last, she jumped out of her chair. For a split-second, he expected her to tear through the force field and rip him to pieces. Instead, she simply laughed, which somehow felt almost as terrifying.

"Well, I guess you've got a little spine left after all, haven't you?" she said. "There might be hope for you yet, Guwar."

"Please," he said wearily. "You have to listen to me. You've got to believe me."

"Oh, I will, Guwar," Luffa said ominously. "I just need to confirm something first. You say you were part of Rehval's cult, but I can't sense the Jindan power in you."

"I already told you," he said, "it was taken from me when I turned against him."

"Sure, and I can sense how much weaker it's made you," Luffa said. "But that could just mean you've gone soft without any battles to fight. No, there's only one way to be sure you really were part of his cult, and I was kind of hoping you'd admit you were lying to me so that I wouldn't have to check." With that, she shut off the force field and stepped into his cell.

"What are you doing?" Guwar tried to ask, but before he could finish the question, Luffa planted his hand on his face and concentrated.

"Rehval fixed up his goons with something called the 'Mindworm'," she said. "It keeps telepathic beings from reading their minds. The last time I ran into it, it felt like I poured hot spices into my skull. So if you're only pretending to be in with the cult, I'll see it in your thoughts. But if you really joined Rehval's side, then you should still be... Aaaah!"

She released him and staggered backward as she grimaced in pain. Guwar stepped towards her, unsure how to proceed, but Luffa waved her hand in a wide, awkward sweep, producing enough of a ki force to knock him away from her and onto the floor.

"You idiot!" he shouted. "The Mindworm is a booby trap! Even a brief exposure to it will put you into a coma!"

It had never occurred to him to warn her about the Mindworm. He didn't think she would do anything so impulsive, so reckless, and now she was seconds away from becoming a vegetable. To think he had pinned all of his hopes onto this stupid girl! He had begun to wonder if she might really be a Saiyan messiah after all. Against King Rehval, anything less wouldn't be enough to save their species. But no, she was no better than the rest of them, and when she fell, there would be nothing in the universe that could protect him...

"Wrrrrrrong," Luffa growled through clenched teeth. "I told you I encountered this once beforrrre, and it didn't stop me thennnnnn..."

She screamed, and then balled her fists and tensed her body until she was transformed. She couldn't see Guwar with her eyes closed, but she could smell his fear and sense him scooting across the floor in a feeble attempt to put some distance between them. He didn't have to worry, but Luffa saw no pressing need to tell him that. Instead, she focused on the battle that mattered, and as she turned her immense power inward, she began battering her hands against her head and chest.

"I'm... not just another pretty face!" she snarled. "Creeps like you think they can get the drop on me once in a while, and that somehow proves I'm not so tough after all. But there's more to being 'invincible' than just winning lots of fights. It's about... unngh... about taking the worst shots... and finding ways to overcome them!"

She cried out one more time and when the light of her aura subsided, she opened her eyes and stood before Guwar completely composed. The effects of the Mindworm lingered, but she had dispelled them much more quickly than before.

"There," she said, still maintaining her glowing golden form. "That wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Maybe I should try that again some time and use a stopwatch to track how long it takes me to shrug it off."

"You... you...!" Guwar babbled. Luffa shook her head and walked towards him. Before he could try to scramble away, she grabbed him by the shirt and lifted him up over her head.

"Oh, calm down," she said. "I'm not going to hurt you. Not while there's a chance that you could be useful to us. Even if you are lying to me, there's no doubt that you've been involved with the cult."

"I'm not lying!" Guwar pleaded. "I can prove what I'm saying, I swear it!"

"Good for you," Luffa grumbled. "Because you're going to get your chance. I may not be able to interrogate you telepathically, but Marshall Booth has all sorts of people working for him who know a lot of creative ways to get information out of people."

She tossed him into a nearby chair and chuckled as he nearly fell over.

"Welcome to the Federation, Guwar," she said. "It might be an unpleasant stay at first, but if you give me Rehval, I promise we'll make it up to you later..."

NEXT: To Win the Peace

[hawkinsschoolcounselor]

Season 4: Happy Holidays? Not likely on Stranger Things

If the report is true, Stranger Things will release in December 2020 and be set during the Christmas season. My guess is Christmas break, allowing the fractured cast to meet up. This is quite the time skip though, being 17 months since the events of Season 3, and 14 months since the Byers moved. This gives a lot of leeway for the writers to do things.

Let’s take a look at what my (current) personal predictions/wants are.

1) The “teams”: We will have three. The first will be Joyce and Murray, and it will be related to the answering machine Easter Egg. The second team will be Nancy, Jonathan, Will, El, and Mike. I see Nancy going to visit Jonathan for the holidays, and Mike just begs her to take him along. Team three will be Steve, Robin, Lucas, Dustin, and Max. Perhaps Erica too, but I feel the cast is bloated already.

2) The antagonist: I would expect the Mindflayer to make another play somehow. Brenner would also be involved in some fashion. He may track down a now powerless El and attempt to continue his work. As much as I didn’t enjoy their involvement in Season 3, surely the Russians have to be involved after that credits sequence.

3) The setting and related challenges: The expanded Scoops Troop will be in Hawkins, and be largely on their own for their adventures, at least at first. They will get caught up in some kind of strange goings on, and Steve and Robin have to really step up and be responsible in the absence of someone like Hopper. “Detective” Byers and Intrepid Journalist Murray Bauman will be snooping around Chicago, which is where I think the Byers have gone. I don’t know exactly what they’ll find, but I can’t let go of Hopper telling Joyce she should come work with him. The sibling group will end up with the supernatural aspect, involving either Will or El and their powers or lackthereof. It could lead to them tracking down Kali.

4) Hopes: No more Mike and El being shoved down our throats. If they are still going to be a couple, I want them to be a real couple that actually does things besides make out. I’d like Will to develop powers of his own, unique and complementary to El’s. Maybe even allow him to be the one who saves his friends this time after years of being a victim. I want Steve to fully step up in his role and accept the kids as his family. He was still trying to play it cool last season, but he gets more mature each time we see him.

5) Will: I’m giving him his own segment here, because I will always have a soft spot for that boy. I want Will’s sexuality to actually be addressed instead of danced around. The anguish from him coming to the realization he’s gay could very well trigger his powers given the X-Men symbolism in Season 1. I want him and Mike to be shown as the lifelong companions depicted in Season 2. Only this time, maybe it’s Will doing the protecting. And please show Will finally getting his D&D session, even if it’s just a flashback. Let Will finish a season happy for once, even if it’s not to last.

6) I want the kids’ characters to be deeper again, instead of the reductive caricatures we had in Season 3. Let Mike find his light and be the courageous and loyal paladin instead of a wannabe alpha teenager, let Lucas regain his resourcefulness, intelligence, and pragmatism, let El grow beyond Eggos, Mike and her powers.

7) Hopper: Don’t make his return predictable. Please. When he comes back, let him look on those he left with pride in his eyes. 

8) Finally: reunite the party and bring the Byers family back to Hawkins. If it doesn’t happen in Season 4, there better be a Season 5. One of the aspects of Season 3 that I actually liked was how happy the party was to finally come together at the mall.

9) New Year’s Eve: Whether it ends up being part of the plot or just the epilogue, let New Years come into play. It represents new beginnings and could be a cliched, yet powerful, moment for some of the characters. I won’t hold my breath for Mike and Will though.

Edit: I just realized, the original NES released in 1986. We have potential for some Nintendo references and Easter Eggs.

[culturalgutter]

We really should have had a mystery series featuring a sensible lesbian couple by now. Something like two Miss Marples sharing a sensible home and sensibly solving extremely–some might even say overly–complicated murders together. One wakes the other up when she turns on the nightstand lamp to do a crossword puzzle, her favorite occupation when she is trying to crack a case. It helps her think. There should have been something based on a series of books written in the 1920s and 1930s, just after the War–either one. It should have been written by female author with three names and set in a quaint village outside London, the kind of village with many corpses in the shrubbery. Or maybe set in the city, with someone like Miss Fisher, but including the women she has had affairs with. Her dressing table or mantle featuring suggestive photos of the detective on holiday in Malta or visiting Paris with Josephine Baker, Marlene Dietrich, Anna May Wong, Djuna Barnes and even, possibly, Garbo herself. Our detective’s tux would be divinely tailored.

Yes, we could have them now, a retro 1930s correcting the oversights of the past. But we should have already had these drawing room mysteries long ago. They should have played on Masterpiece Theater, A&E and the various BBCs. They should be so prevalent that there are Sesame Street parodies teaching children how to count or the letter “L” or the word “sensible.” Old mystery and film fans should patronizingly explain to us that Zasu Pitts or Theresa Harris, Margaret Rutherford or Maude Eburne, in fact, performed in the first film versions of these films back in the day. “The earliest performance of this character dates back to Sarah Bernhard,” a random pedant would interject*.

The realized this terrible loss in the very same moment I saw it almost presented to me in Do Not Fold, Spindle or Mutilate (1971) and its spin-off series, The Snoop Sisters. The Snoop Sisters ran as part of NBC’s Mystery Movie from 1972 to 1974. Though it stars two sisters, aunts to a police officer, I think it will get hard to read them as anything but a married couple in the future. I discovered The Snoop Sisters while watching old, made-for-tv mysteries and thrillers with the Gutter’s own Beth Watkins. We watched one where Barbara Stanwyck’s house is probably possessed and another where someone is trying to drive her mad. One where a theater troop re-enacts a murder to get a confession. One where Shelley Winters’ passion for Debbie Reynolds gets the best of her, demonstrating that there is something very much the matter with Helen. Another called, A Very Missing Person (1972) in which Eve Arden plays Hildegard Withers, a character who was variously played by ZaSu Pitts, Edna May Oliver and Helen Broderick in a series of 1930s films based on the novels of Stuart Palmer**. Ms. Withers is an ex-schoolteacher with an intriguing taste in hats and another good candidate for sensible lesbian detective. And we watched Do Not Fold, Spindle or Mutilate. Helen Hayes, Mildred Natwick, Myrna Loy and Sylvia Sydney. They are retired women who occupy their time with luncheons, amazing outfits and creating the profile of a much younger woman for a computer dating service. Unfortunately for them, their profile attract a serial killer. Unfortunately for him, these ladies have moxie. Watching the movie, I realized that I would love to see these women solve a mystery every week. Apparently someone at NBC felt the same, because while the movie was not picked up as a series, it is somewhat reprised The Snoop Sisters, with Mildred Natwick taking on Myrna Loy’s role as Helen Hayes’ sister. It is the snazziest Mildred Natwick has ever been in a film, as she plays the fashionable Gwendolyn Snoop-Nicholson, “G.” for short. It is one of the only times I can think of that Mildred Natwick has outdressed nearly everyone else on the screen. Helen Hayes plays mystery novelist, Ernesta Snoop. And now both are instigators.

The Snoop Sisters has the things people like in 1970s made-for-tv mysteries—women in their 60s and 70s, magicians, Roddy McDowell, switcheroos and twists. The Snoops solve mysteries, scoop the police—led by their own nephew Lt. Steven Ostrowski—and charmingly prove what everyone thinks is happening is not what’s happening at all. Except, that yes, Alice Cooper is happening, and so is a fist fight between Vincent Price and Roddy McDowell. Also, classic film star Joan Blondell is a medium, Bernie Casey wears pants no one should be able to successfully look handsome in and Steve Allen hosts Ernesta Snoop on his television program. There are so many outfits—fantastically printed caftans and ties; wide lapels; loudly patterned suits; sweaters with ring pulls. And there is a lot of decor—including Gloria Hendry’s amazing octagonal waterbed.

Sadly, there were only five episodes produced, but fortunately they have been collected in a dvd set.In “The Female Instinct,” the Snoops solve the murder of an old Hollywood icon Norma Treet (Paulette Goddard) while Barney tries and fails to keep them out of trouble. There is a sweet screening of one of Goddard’s films, The Ghost Breakers (1940), presented as one of Treet’s. Their nephew***, police Lt. Steven Ostrowski (Lawrence Pressman) as their nephew, Lt. Ostrowski sets Barney, a retired cop played by Art Carney, to keep the ladies out of trouble. But no one, not even Art Carney—an Art Carney who does a stunt—can stop the Snoops from doing what they want to do. And they want to write mysteries, solve mysteries, meet amazing people, and disguise themselves as anything from “stuffed animal fluffers” to exterminators and a bowling team.

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

And they wear amazing outfits. G.’s wardrobe is very much from the 1970s, including a beautiful coat I covet. Ernesta’s much more turn of the Twentieth Century. I will also note that Ernesta is butch, but hers is a butchness leaning towards Gertrude Stein but with a fondness for ridiculously feathered hats. It’s from a when wearing a certain cut of jacket was more meaningful in gender coding than wearing a skirt. In this case, most of Ernesta’s skirt suits are “mannish” in the parlance of the thirties and forties. And I am pretty sure she is straight up wearing men’s or boy’s gray striped flannel pajamas.

My favorite part is the peek into Ernesta’s creative process as she works on a book while G. takes dictation.

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

We also get another glimpse of their home life as Ernesta works on her embroidery in bed and Mildred asks to borrow her liniment, after a close call with a potential assassin required that they both run.

By the second episode, “Corpse and Robbers,” there have been some changes. Now Bert Convy plays Steven. And rather than a retired cop, Barney is now a paroled convict doing the lieutenant a favor by watching his aunts. Played by Lou Antonio, Barney is also twenty or thirty years younger than the Snoops and too hobbled by his respect for their ladyness to come close to contending with them. In the episode, Ernesta tries to discover what happened to her dear old friend, and toy-making genius, Franklin Birdwell (Liam Dunn). Ernesta also hopes to prove that she is not imagining that he has called her. The Snoops disguise themselves as “stuffed animal fluffers” to infiltrate a toy factory that specializes in toy dogs that bark and wag their tails, Winnie the Pooh stuffies, and giant devil masks. I assume the factor is one of the Joker’s old hideouts and, in its off hours, the site of many a giallo murder.**** Ernesta and G. also go jogging in knit outfits.

Their activewear.

In “Death Is A Free Throw,” we discover many interesting things, such as that G. is a basketball fan and that their Lincoln limosine’s license plate just happens to be 473 FEM. Oh, and as Ernesta and G. defend a man who has come flying out of the green room for the Steve Allen show, “We warn you, Mr. Bates, we know kung fu.”

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

Fortunately, fisticuffs prove unnecessary and the Snoops quickly befriend basketball great, Willie Bates (Bernie Casey). Willie wears some amazing outfits that only Bernie Casey could make it seem like a good idea for anyone else to wear. I mean, some other people could look handsome in them, but, seriously, don’t think you could because he could. Meanwhile, everyone has stomach trouble and G. becomes a suspect.

“The Devil Made Me Do It!” might contain the most wonders per hour. The Snoops find themselves the target of a Satanic coven that would very much like its ancient relic back, thank you. Classic film bombshell Joan Blondell appears as a medium, Madame Mimi. And Alice Cooper not only appears as a witch, but sings a song to a very interesting audience at the Frou Frou Club.

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

But my favorite character is the Honorable Morlock (Cyril Ritchard), the proprietor of an occult shop who specializes in providing New York’s covens with human skulls, in any size and painted in any color you might like. He assures us that Henry Ford had the right idea in only offering one model of car in one color. He blames the government for the rapacious frog bone suppliers. He wears a wig, red eye shadow and stunning ritual magick robes. (The Honorable Morlock definitely spells magic with a K and probably deplores the confusion of stage magic with the Art). And he speaks in rhyming couplets whenever he can. When Barney asks how the Honorable Morlock knows he has a bad back, he declaims: “Lucifer, give me strength! Do you think you’re dealing with kids? Because I’m a pro—that’s how I know!”

He’s a pro!

And if The Snoop Sisters had to go out, at least it went out with an episode featuring both Roddy McDowell and Vincent Price. The episode begins gloriously with Ernesta and G. cosplaying that most romantic of classic horror couples, Frankenstein and the Bride****. Ernest is the creature, of course. And Mildred Natwick makes a remarkably elegant Bride. They are dressed up to attend the Michael Bastion Film Festival, a revival of classic horror films. We see among the attendees people dressed as vampires, a werewolf, the Metaluna Mutant and a mummy. That’s right, G. is a horror fan. She’s seen all of Bastion’s films and is excited to meet Bastion himself. Bastion and his wife arrive in an old hearse. His wife leaves from the passenger side. Muscle men in silver masks pull a coffin out of the hearse, lean it up and open it to reveal Bastion to his adoring fans*****. There is a fun movie-within-a-tv-movie starring Bastion, and, of course, a murder during the screening. Bastion is the accused and the Snoops investigate. Like Price himself, Bastion is a noted gourmet cook and G. distracts Bastion by taking him up on an offer of a gourmet luncheon. There is a very fine drunken-crepe making scene. And Ernesta wears an indescribable golfing outfit. I do not think I am spoiling anything but informing you that there is also a fistfight between Roddy McDowell and Vincent Price. This is obviously an enticement.

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

While I willingly admit that the Snoop sisters are, in fact, sisters, no matter how queer coded the relationship and the show seems, The Snoop Sisters does satisfy some of my desire for weird old tv mysteries starring a lesbian couple. Sure we could do something retro now and that would be fun, but it isn’t the same. And it’s a reminder of how much we could have had without prejudices limiting art.

*One must take the good with the bad if one is truly sensible.

**A Very Missing Person also stars Julie Newmar and Pat Morita. Morita plays a hippie, which is so, so worthwhile.

***I will note the long tradition of couples who are coded gay having nieces and nephews. I also suppose that if Steven were Gwendolyn’s son, she would not be considered so free to gallivant around with Ernesta because she would be a Bad Mother somehow to the series perceived audience. Even if Steven’s all grown-up and a police lieutenant now.

***I have been thinking about gialli a lot while watching this made-for-tv mysteries with Beth.

****For my thoughts on calling the creature, “Frankenstein,” and on the poor Bride, please see “The Specter of Frankenstein.”

*****Bastion later arranges to meet someone in the men’s bathroom, but I am resisting the temptation to say anything about that.

Two other queer and queer-ish, made-for-tv movies: The Judge and Jake Wyler starring Bette Davis and Doub McLure; and, What’s The Matter With Helen? starring Debbie Reynolds and Shelley Winters.

 ~~~

If you need her, Carol Borden will be consulting with the Honorable Morlock.

Snooping Ladies Sensibly Solving Mysteries We really should have had a mystery series featuring a sensible lesbian couple by now. Something like two Miss Marples sharing a sensible home and sensibly solving extremely--some might even say…