#screaming to the void of the internet

[midnightmasterpiece]

breaking my own heart for 1 chapter in my fanfic i know im gonna put it back together in another chapter but omg why am i putting them thru this, why am i putting myself thru this

but thered be no plot if i didnt do it

thered be no good plot and relationship development and tiebacks to the source content if i dont do it

elain and fem Lucien are gonna break my heart, mostly Elain rn

Elain pls this is not a good coping strategy, get some therapy

[chaiaurchaandni]

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[somerandomcryptid]

Is anyone else going insane about how in Sam's second stream when Sam and Dream are talking about all of Sam's crimes, Sam leaves out the whole locking Dream in prison and letting him be tortured, and when Dream points it out Sam responds with "locking you in prison is not something people hate me for" and Dream snaps back "I hate you for that". Forever going insane about that moment.

The blatant just not even considering Dream's emotions as a factor or the fact he is part of people ughgh I just think about those lines sometimes

[pushister]

Ok but. This. This line right here.

[Hobie Brown: I ain't even here.]

ATSV spoilers!

This is a long and cringe post and probably a very me-specific experience, but i need to vent. This is the line that almost single-handedly made me hyperfixate on both the Spiderverse movies and Hobie specifically (and later keep it as a huge special interest).

When i was watching ATSV for the first time, I already knew who was going to be my favorite, as Spiderpunk was both a very unique character and he seemed very similar to myself (with the sole exception that i am an idiot ofc). But at that moment in the movie, I actually had to stop and process because of how called out i felt. I am, and always have been, a pretty weird mix of autistic, rebelous, and not-giving-a-fuck, so naturally, as a child, when it came to school, kids' clubs, events, or really anything that i was forced to attend and didn't particularly enjoy (which was a lot of things), i appeared as a shadow, ignored basically any direction from adults that i was given and didn't communicate with anyone. Just a little kid sitting away in the corner, playing by themselves and not listening when told to participate in whatever the rest were doing. Some could say i was a "problematic child", which is probably true, and my teachers and older relatives thought so too. Sometimes people told me that i had to stop acting "like [i'm] special" and needed to be treated differently, but most times:

[Miguel O'Hara: I'm just gonna try to ignore you. I just can't. I can't even.]

This motherfucker just casually showed what i felt and how i acted for my entire life. In four seconds.

I don't think you can get any closer to a character when he shows up in the middle of the movie for like five minutes, immediately breaks all negative expectations that the other characters might've set up for him, makes you fall in love with him by being every single thing that you always wanted to be and everything that represents your freedom, and then casually brushes off some of the shitty feelings you've had about yourself for years, about being "problematic" and not fitting in, about being weird and lonely, by saying the thing that was sitting on the tip of your tongue that entire time while staying inconceivably cool.

...Ik how small all of this may seem, but. What can you do to me. I ain't even here.

[fanfanfanfaire]

Someone explain to me how Checo gets to renew his contract when his crash in Monaco was SO BAD it put him in lead of the Destructors Championship by over $400k and Ferrari is only 24 points behind in current standing.

[lightbulb-warning]

i used to freehand comics all the time as a child and since the part i liked was the drawing part i would just draw panel after panel because i didn't want to stop drawing to think about icky icky words, plus the story TOTALLY still made perfect sense! to me! and noone else, but 'whoooo caaaaares omgggg its not like comics and sequantial art are a communicative meeediummmm lmaoooooo'. i spent my entire childhood telling myself stuff like "oh pfft I know this story by heart- ill SIMPLY remember the dialogue and write it later" ...and. I can't help but admire baby maiora's (call that a minora ba tm tsk) fucking audacity? hubris? confident wrongness? kid couldn't even remember to finish the comics in the first place? INCREDIBLE levels of unearned self assurance, wish that were me, genuinely- what an icon!!! anyway i think i have forever cursed myself

[fairyycoffin]

it took me like an hour of going back and forth before i got over feeling guilty about posting this. i don’t even know why i feel guilty. everyone on here is amazing and supportive and maybe that’s the problem. 

i guess over the past few days i’ve realized that i don’t have that many irl friends. i thought i was fine with that, i honestly thought that was normal. i don't know anymore.

i feel lonely and pathetic and i know that’s not true because i have friends and i have hobbies. but i always just feel like i’m doing everything wrong; like i’m not living the way i’m supposed to. and i’m tired of feeling like that when i’m perfectly happy. 

i’m just so worried that i’m a bad friend to my only irl friends, because i love them and i don’t want to lose them and i want them to care about me too, and i worry about how fucking sad it is to be ranting on here, and i worry that i make everything about me and i’m just so exhausted.

i just needed somewhere to put that down. thanks for being here.

[fuckyeah-bears]

Well I guess the good news is that the mental illness has been conquered to the point that I can have awful things happen and not actively want to die as my first response. at least there’s fucking that

[midnightmasterpiece]

i thought i had the energy to write today, so i went to the coffee shop, but now that im here, ive barely written and all i want is for someone to give me a smooch on the cheek, tell me im doing a good job, and to hold my hand and cuddle

any ways, single sentence excerpt from the upcoming chapter of my sapphic genderbent elucien f1 au "As the silver light flickered through Elain’s hair, Lucia’s heart jumped when Elain extended a hand out in her direction and gestured for Lucia to come join them."

theyre so cute im jealous of my own writing for being in a cuter prerelationship phase and being flirtier than i am irl

[legendary-defender-of-fandoms]

Guess what? It’s Vanellope’s turn

So, one of the chief complaints that gets tossed around about RBTI is how Vanellope “went Turbo” by abandoning Sugar Rush for Slaughter Race. And while I get some of the criticism, I have to push back on some points.

Folks say that gamers will notice Vanellope’s absence & get the game unplugged for good. First, she’s been missing for at least a decade and no one noticed. Second, her outfit & kart don’t match ANY of her pictures on the game console and no one cared. Third, KING CANDY’S gone and his death didn’t lead to the game being unplugged. That’s the power of the Random Racer Roster - no one notices if an old character disappears or if a new character is added. They think it’s just chance.

Turbo forced himself into Roadblasters & Sugar Rush, completely hijacking the latter’s programming to make himself the guy in charge. Vanellope was INVITED to stay in Slaughter Race.

While the movie clearly meant to make it a stupid joke about “Oh, those Disney princesses, always wanting Something More,” we can’t forget that Vanellope was abused, ostracized, and mistreated during her Glitch decade. If Wreck-it Ralph was a standalone movie, it’d be ok if she took charge in the end but became a benevolent ruler so no one would experience the pain she had to suffer because the movie was 90 minutes long & folks needed to get home for work the next day. But with a sequel, it’s not out of the question for Vanellope to need some time & space away from Sugar Rush to figure things out. MAYBE she’ll come back someday, MAYBE she’ll stay in Slaughter Race forever, but she deserves a break.

So, no, I don’t have a problem with Vanellope wanting to expand her horizons and try some new things.

IN THEORY.

In RBTI, however, the execution was incredibly flawed. The press leading up to this movie said the story was meant to be akin to friends going their separate ways for school, one friend being ready to move on while the other stayed behind. But the film made it feel like Vanellope was trading up, not moving forward. The whole thing went out of its way to make Ralph the worst possible choice for Vanellope, replacing him in her life with Shank.

And I’m not hating on Shank. She was clearly made to capitalize on Gal Gadot while Gal Gadot was a marketable star, and the character doesn’t do anything to try to one-up Ralph in the Surrogate Parent department. It’s all the narrative’s doing.

Oh, Vanellope said “Cool” to Ralph living in the garbage once and Ralph kind of trauma-dumped about how living in the garbage sucks ass? Well, Shank & her friends live in a super-cool dystopian dumpster fire & they think it’s AWESOME!

What’s that? Ralph & Vanellope spent a long time baking her first kart, which didn’t look anything like the perfect sample kart but Vanellope loved anyway because it was HERS & her love for her imperfect kart gave Ralph a sense of pride for doing something right for the first time in his life as well as recognition that perfection is overrated? Then the two bonded more as Ralph helped Vanellope learn how to drive & unlocked her dormant driving skills? Well, Shank just GAVE Vanellope her own race car during an Alan Menken musical number & they flew through the sky, so same thing really.

And again, Ralph’s character was COMPLETELY ASSASSINATED to make him look worse compared to Shank! They went back to his stupid beta version from the deleted scenes that was super whiny, kind of gross, and impressively stupid so Shank would look smarter, sleeker, and more put-together. They made him throw a temper tantrum outside of eBay when he didn’t understand the rules of bidding & blubber like a baby when he got caught trying to steal Shank’s car so Shank would be the more emotionally stable one. HE PURPOSEFULLY CRASHED SLAUGHTER RACE & ALMOST KILLED VANELLOPE so no one would want to see her stick with his clingy, insecure ass.

And this “Vanellope traded up” vibe continues in other media. Like the “Sugar Rush Racers” books I mentioned before. Vanellope spends MAYBE five off-page minutes with Ralph before he takes a nap & the other Sugar Rush Racers ask Vanellope if they can join her in Slaughter Race for a bit. Then during the story, Vanellope’s always referencing either the Disney Princesses (which she apparently does a LOT according to the other Racers’ reactions) or her new life with the Slaughter Race characters. There’s ONE mention of that time Ralph was WILLING TO DIE TO SAVE HER LIFE, but that’s it. No mention of making her kart together, no talk of their heart-to-heart in Diet Cola Mountain, no acknowledgement of the training montage or the time he trashed her kart because he thought he was saving her life, then his going back later to apologize & really help her get her life back by winning the race. Nothing. Almost like their adventures together meant nothing. And there’s no mention of OTHER adventures they might’ve shared between movies, despite the Sugar Rush Racers casually mentioning the time King Candy banished two of the recolor racers (which opens a WHOLE can of worms about why he didn’t just do that with Vanellope, or kill her outside Sugar Rush before trying to delete her code & reprogram himself into the game, but whatever). And at the end of the second book, when the Racers are told they can go back to the arcade, Vanellope says she wants to spend “a hot minute” with Ralph before going back to Shank & her crew in Slaughter Race. Implying they’re her REAL family.

WHAT

THE

ACTUAL

FUCKITY

FUCK?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

I truly believe if the authors of the books COULD have left even the mention of Ralph out, they would’ve. He has been thoroughly Scrappy Doo’d by Disney, and it fucking HURTS!!!! HE’S THE REASON VANELLOPE EXISTS!!!!!!! AND THEY ARE TRYING TO KILL HIM!!!!!!!

And still, I need to know why? Why does Disney hate him? Why does Disney want US to hate him? WHY are they trying to bury him?!!!?! WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED DURING PRODUCTION OF THIS STUPID CURSED SEQUEL?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

[voidsentprinces]

Good to find a fellow gatekept person that is experiencing the same kind of constraints as I am on this here corner of the internet. We shall both be frustrated, if not apathetically exasperated by the situation together then. 👊While also enjoying FFXIV, of course.

[blazewatergem]

Gotta be real on the timeline today.

Genuinely scared for the future.

[transsexualhamlet]

trying to write about the distortion is so hard because i love it but to write it properly disorients me so severely that i need to stop and like not think about it for several days before trying to go back and further, more deeply confuse myself

[butchviking]

ppl are always saying that the most important thing with """mental health""" (they mean mental illness) (no, they mean depression and anxiety) (no, they just mean emotional wellbeing i think) is to talk to ppl about it. but like. sorry how does that help tho. maybe this is just whatevers wrong w me talking but for real how the fuck does it help to actually tell ppl the actually bad stuff in ur head. like i think it's good 2 be able to say stuff in passing and for everyone to not clutch their pearls if u joke abt killing urself or whatever like its good to not have to actively dig it down and repress it. its good to b able to say "ive been bad lately" or whatever and move past it. but genuinely honest to god does anyone in this whole wide world actually feel better after they tell the people who care about them abt their serious emotional problems in any significant detail. its not going to fix anything! its not going to solve anything! "a problem shared is a problem halved" no!!! its a problem doubled!!!! now you feel bad AND the person u told abt it feels bad bc they wish they could make u better and they can't!!

[critter-screams-into-the-void]

every time i go on a skip the bellhop reblogging spree i probably look like this to everyone else

[midnightmasterpiece]

once my anti depressants kick in (could be like a month) (and hopefully this prescription works for me) my sapphic elucien f1 au is soooo gonna get written

I have so many ideas and there’s so much content leading up to this weekends grand prix in miami that I have so many ideas