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sailorsenshishitposter · 3 months

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Get in loser, we're going vessel shopping!

Yuji and the gang were exhausted, having just finished exercising a group of curses. It was getting late so they then went to catch a ride back to Jujutsu Tech with Ijichi.

"Man, I'm beat! I had to hit those little fuckers harder than King Dedede's Jet Hammer!"

"Language Kugisaki."

"C'mon Fushiguro, I know you want to hit Gojo sensei as much as I do!"

Before they could continue their conversation, Yuji spoke.

"Is anyone else hearing music?"

Megumi and Nobara stopped. A faint jingle could be heard. Almost as if there was an ice cream truck nearby. But that was impossible. Before Yuji could speak, Kugisaki stopped him.

"No! Do you really think an ice cream truck would be here? In this time of year (fall)? At this time of day? In this part of Tokyo? Localised entirely within the woods?"

"Okay but when you put it like that it sounds bad!"

Suddenly a white van pulled up in the distance. Fushiguro gave a double take and then stated "There's no way I'm going near that thing."

Kugisaki then turned towards Itadori.

"Shouldn't you be going "jinkies!" or is this is the part where your spidey senses forget to activate? Yuji?"

The boy was no longer standing next to her for he had begun running faster than Todo at a Takada chan signing.

"What should we do?"

"I don't know but I'm calling sensei and telling him to bring a dog leash and some Jennifer Laurence magazines."

___________

"Lucky me, I can't believe you guys are open! Anyway I'll take one fudgicle please!"

After paying, an arm reached out and handed him the frozen treat.

"Thank you!"

Yuji was going to peel off the wrapper only to find that there wasn't one.

"That's odd. Oh well, down the hatch!"

It was dark so he couldn't see very well but something was off about his popsicle. After swallowing, he then began to wonder if there was a recall that he should know about because ice cream isn't supposed to be spiky right?

An extra set of eyes then peeled open.

"Fool."

What a moron of a vessel. Sukuna couldn't wait to be free of him. It was then that the window opened.

"I should have figured you had something to do with this."

Inside was totally not Geto, aka Kenjaku, wearing a milk man uniform.

"Hop in Sukuna, let's go to the mall."

"What is your game here?"

"Don't be like that! I figured you would want to join me for some shopping. You know as well as I do that we could use a change of vessels, hm?"

Sukuna grinned and then jumped through the passengers side like in Dukes of Hazard, only the window was rolled up so now he was coated in shards of glass."

Are you feeling alright?"

"Couldn't be better! After all, I'm not the one who's body will be paying for the damage."

Kenjaku then began to drive to the nearest mall. Unfortunately they were now stuck in traffic.

"The sidewalk is wide enough. Go."

"You really haven't changed after a thousand years, huh? All right, just let me put on my mixtape first."

Before Sukuna could ask what that was, he began to hear loud music. It was too loud to hear what the other was saying but he was giving a look that said "Want to watch a massacre unfold?" Sukuna gave a nod and then Kenjaku put the vehicle into to overdrive. Tokyo's poor citizens tried to run for their lives while all one could hear was "Gas, Gas, Gas" by Manuel. They both began to cackle maniacally.

___________

Eventually they made it to the parking lot after leading the police on a wild goose chase.

"So we'll go our separate ways and meet back here in a hour. Don't be late!"

"Fine with me! And it's not exactly like I have all the time in the world, this brats body is on a time limit!"

Sukuna then realized he didn't know where to start.

"Where am I supposed to find the strongest among a crowd of ants? This will prove to be more difficult than I initially thought!"

___________

The first thing Kenjaku did was buy a new set of clothes.

"That last guy had no fashion sense! I'll need to choose more wisely this time."

He looked around until he saw a familiar face.

"No way! Tengen's here too? Alright, change of plans. I'm going to steal her intended vessel before she can make the switch!"

___________

Sukuna was approaching a fitness store when he felt two arms place themselves snuggly around his stomach. He then prayed to Gege and hoped that it better not be who he thought it was. The king of curses then turned his head around to find the culprit. Shit. Why did he always have the worst luck?

"Yorozu... I see the restraining order failed to keep you away..."

"Oh Sukuna, we both know a piece of paper could never get in between the way of our love!"

It took all his willpower to not kill her on the spot.

"...So what are you doing here?""Kenjaku texted me and told me you would be here! It's almost like we're on a date!"

Before he could tell her that no, it was not like a date, she took his arm and began to drag him.

"Unhand me! What are you doing!?"

"What does it look like silly? I'm taking you to Build-a-Bear! It's what all the cute couples are doing!"

"Stop. One, if you were the last woman on earth, I would rather split myself into fingers then and two, I already have plans and I don't need you interfering with them!"

"Aww! Can't I come with you?"

"No! I'm shopping for a new vessel and I don't have time to-"

Yorozu then cut him off

"Wow! Like, you're going to be renting a new body? Let me help! I can help find the perfect choice for you!"

The king of curses scoffed.

"Yeah right! You can't even get your poetry right. How am I supposed to trust you when it comes to good taste?"

"Because if you let me help than I'll stop taking pictures of you when you're not looking."

Yorozu had a massive shrine dedicated to her love with so many creeper shots that her collection put other stalkers to shame.

"Fine. But you're also going to be burning the ones you already took."

"Sure!"

What Sukuna didn't know was that the girl had figured out how to navigate technology far quicker than him, already having stored her files on a two terribyte hard drive.

___________

Kenjaku watched his targets from behind a small potted tree. Once the two had met and started arangments, he knew he had to put his plan into action. Suddenly the speakers could be heard.

"Would Tengen please arrive to the head office - Your powers are being requested by management and there is an emergency - Thank you for your consideration -"

"I'm sorry but you'll need to wait a little longer before assimilating. Just know that your sacrifice won't be in vain."

Kenjaku watched her walk off and then nonchalantly came up beside them.

"Nothing personal kid."

He then twisted their neck causing instant death. Kenny began to drag the corpse with him to the bathroom stall so no one would interrupt him.

"Time to get to work."

___________

Yorozu had taken Sukuna to the food court and was now arguing with the staff.

"Whadda mean you don't serve monkey brains! I'm calling corporate to file a complaint! Let's go dear!"

Sukuna and the worker then shot each other a look of pity. Yorozu was angrily babbling when she bumped into someone.

"Oh, hey Kenjaku. I see you're already finished."

He took off his hat, revealing fresh stitches on his forehead.

"KENJAKU, YOU BASTARD!"

"Gross, what is that! A thumb thumb!?"

"Yo, granny!"

It turns out that it wasn't grandmother willow but Tengen. Or at least it used to be.

"Don't you "hey granny" me! Do you realize what you have done!?"

"Don't look at me like that, can't you just get a new one?"

"You know damn well that that's not how it works! I'm now stuck as this creature for all of eternity!"

Kenjaku waived his hand dismissively.

"Being immortal sounds pretty cool to me. Besides, do you know how irritating it is to constantly hop from one body to another?"

"Didn't ask, plus I don't care!"

Tengen then pulled a glock from underneath her robe and shot Kenjaku at point blank range. He was still alive so she would have to move fast. Tengen then began to unscrew the heads top lid and revealed a brain with teeth. It was hissing and citizens started to take notice. Panic ensued and while the crowd was screaming, Tengen pulled out a jar and plopped the brain into it.

Kenjaku's rabbit teeth tried to chomp through the glass but she quickly sealed it up in a layer of talismans, followed up by flex tape. Tengen was now leaving and Sukuna looked towards his side to find a missing Yorozu.

"Where did she go?! I mean, I'm glad she's gone but what can she be plotting."

He didn't know it but she leapt outside and was laying face first in the grass to study the bugs.

"Well there goes my ride."

Suddenly sirens began to blare."

Shit, it's the cops!"

Sukuna took the chance to switch places with Itadori. When Yuji woke up, he was at the police station and locked in handcuffs.

"Not again! I guess I'll have to use my one phone call on Gojo sensei and ask him to bail me out."

Panic began to set in.

"What was his number again?"

Yuji tried to ask Sukuna but he refused to answer, too amused in the boys misery."

Looks like I'm never eating ice cream again!"