#sebastian self para

[mycharacterdump]

i am my mother's child , i'll love you 'til my breathing stops .

Summertime was coveted for Sebastian’s family. While he was but little; made up of plump limbs and cherub cheeks, always burning red yet never running a fever, sprouts of bright, curly blond hair budding from his crown, a real life angel — he could still remember fragments of it all. The before, the during, the after. He was a restless baby. A bit colicky but not as much as some of his other siblings. So, he would be whining helplessly in his crib and he would see the shadow of his mother appear from the light bleeding in through the crack of his nursery door. He would squirm around excitedly, welcoming her company with a squeal that she had to quiet every time she lifted him from his bed. He could feel her warm laughter echo against the confines of her ribcage as she held him up against her chest and let him nurse. They would sit in the rocking chair together and she would hum a song. She had the prettiest voice he ever heard, never missing a note or falling flat. He’d fall asleep in her arms within minutes, and then he would wake up all over again in the morning to one of his siblings rustling him until his eyes came open.

Then, he would be changed and dressed for the long drive. His mother would preoccupy him with bright toys and more singing — sometimes his father would intervene, but his methods of distraction were much less successful. His heart was enmeshed with his mother’s. He never thought that would ever change. Once he was clad in a onesie and a pair of tiny shorts, he was lifted onto his mother’s hip and paraded around the house while everyone scrambled to assemble their backpacks and suitcases. These trips lasted throughout the summer, so everyone needed to be certain they’d packed their beloved stuffed animals and all the movies on DVD they’d need to watch on nights spent in, away from the rest of the world. Sebastian was a gleeful observer of the chaos, occasionally giggling whenever his siblings would wind up in spats with one another that his father was forced to mitigate.

The drive was Sebastian’s favorite part. They were split in groups of two: the triplets and Honey were sorted in his father’s shiny BMW while India, Harrison and himself took up residence in their mother’s tried and true Mercedes-Benz G Class; where she would keep all the windows half-open so they could experience the shift in atmosphere during the journey. He would be placed in his carrier and watch the cityscape of Long Island disappear in flurries of orange lampposts and glowing traffic lights. As they coasted along the interior of Connecticut and Rhode Island they would merge through thick swathes of forests into the outskirts of suburbia, until they finally arrived on the shores of Cape Cod after four tedious hours of intermittent arguing amongst his siblings with whom he shared the backseat. 

Upon arrival, Sebastian was hardly cognizant of their destination as his mother carted him from the car up to their family cottage. He could hear the distinct chatter of excitement from the others, which he was too tired to emulate. On the first night, he would eat in the comfort of his mother’s arms and fall asleep soundly in a bassinet attached to the side of the master bed. He never found better rest in his entire life.

When awake and alert he would spend his time perched on his mother’s back and exploring the world around them; the beaches, where he was introduced to the prickling cold water and the soft, warm sand he could manipulate with his tiny hands to be whatever he desired — most of the time useless balls he utilized to toss at whichever brother or sister was close enough to target; the town, basking in the sunbeams as his mother would proudly display him to all the people that took interest in his miniature bucket hat and jelly shoes, or tasting new foods at the gourmet restaurants they always asked for outside seating at, and sometimes he even adapted more patience so his father could cradle him and point out all the dolphins that would leap and pierce the air in the distance. And then Max would offer to carry him all the way back to their cottage, hopping and skipping over every crack in the pavement, which, naturally, upset Sebastian’s stomach and led to him spitting up down the back of his older brother’s shirt.

Life was simple. It was peaceful. Harmonic. All the notes of his parents’ and siblings’ individual melodies aligning and producing a delightful consonance. He thought things would be this way forever, as any new soul would assume. The worst thing that had ever happened to him was an upset stomach. 

Until he heard his mother cry for the first time.

His tiny nose scrunched up as a sudden light struck his closed eyes. Once stirring awake, he blinked a few times and stared ahead blankly at the wide crack in the bathroom door. He could see his mother collapsed against the cabinet, his father quick to fall beside her and scoop her into an embrace. He didn’t understand. What was there to cry about? Did her stomach hurt, too? Even if it had, she was so good at being happy in the face of any kind of suffering. 

Though he was but little, he felt more than many do in their entire lives.

They returned home two weeks early. All of his siblings were disappointed; he couldn’t say whether or not he was. He had sensed his mother’s discomfort and a touch of apathy in everything she did — almost like she were running on instincts rather than being fully present — and it had unsettled him. While it seemed to have done much of the same on his siblings, they instead attached themselves to their father, who was more emotionally sound.

Sebastian clung tightly onto his mother for two long months. He cried out when someone else touched her and startled her, particularly his father, and the gap between them widened with every passing day. If he weren’t so little, if he weren’t so clueless, he’d have followed in tow with the rest and leaned on his father for better comfort, but he didn’t want to leave his mother behind. He didn’t want her leaving him behind, either. So by her side he remained. It seemed to soothe her for a time, his devoted presence, though occasionally she would hold him against her chest and her bones would begin to rattle and when he glanced up, she was reduced to tears again. 

The seasons changed. Summer deliquesced into autumn, the leaves on the tree that was planted outside his nursery window withering from bright green to muted oranges and browns. Blue skies evaporated, sucked into a vortex of grey fog that hung low on the shores of Long Island. It began raining every other day. A steady pitter patter of rain made discordant music on his windowpane. Sometimes the ground beneath him would rumble and the sky above would shatter and he would cry, startled. And rather than hear his mother’s soft inflection break through the chaos and rescue him from the storm, he was lifted from his crib and into his father’s arms. He was shuttled around the house while his siblings were cared for, occasionally hushed as the earth kept falling apart around them. He didn’t like this, any of it. None of it felt right. Where was his mother? Not only her presence, but her spirit. Where had she gone? Did he do something wrong? 

And then, like magic, one day his mother crept up behind him and scooped him off the floor and began blowing raspberries against his cheek. He erupted into laughter that felt foreign within the confines of his tiny chest and reached out giddily to grasp onto her curls. She then took a hold of his tiny hand and placed it against her stomach. He didn’t understand. How could he? All he knew was that it felt firmer than before, and… It was very round. Had she eaten too much? Sometimes his stomach did that.

“You’re going to be a big brother, Bash,” his mother informed him delightfully. 

Oh. 

He still wasn’t certain what that meant for him. He wouldn’t be for a long time. He was the same observer he’d always been as the months passed by quicker than ever; soon enough his nursery was being extended and a second crib was added beside his own — odd, that. This was his room. He didn’t share, not like the triplets. His grandparents’ visits came closer and closer together as they prepared for the new addition, Sebastian ever so confused why they would coo over his mother’s belly rather than him. 

His father spent more time with him. He’d always made attempts, but Sebastian had thwarted them. He was his mother’s child and hers alone. But his father didn’t seem to think the same. Nowadays, though, Sebastian wasn’t given much of a choice. His mother was preoccupied with redecorating his room and making sure everything would be just right in time for the new arrival. So, most afternoons, he was sat in his father’s lap as they took turns pointing out wrongdoings of his siblings while they tumbled around the living room engaging in scraps and petty arguments.

Maybe they had more in common than Sebastian had thought. They both enjoyed acknowledging things and then watching the chaos unfold. His father only intervened whenever Maisie was involved and threatened to bite. Otherwise, it was every man for himself. 

“Are you excited, Seb?” his father asked rhetorically as a lull swept over the house. It happened like that occasionally. Everyone would either be occupied outside in the snow or huddled up together to keep warmth as they watched a movie in the theatre room. “New baby. You’ll get to take care of this one. Like how Harry took care of you.”

Well, that couldn’t be true. Harrison hardly took care of Sebastian. If any of his siblings assumed a parental role it was Max, who was really just an overachiever and kiss-up rather than an actual paternal figure in his life. Harrison quite liked tormenting his little brother, as a matter-of-fact, though not quite like Maisie had. She very much so enjoyed trapping him in laundry baskets and inside closets and sitting on him whenever she was given the chance. Did that mean he had free reign to do the same to his new sibling? He didn’t know if he’d like that as much as his siblings had.

“I think you’ll be a good big brother,” his father hummed while in thought. 

Sebastian didn’t know if that was true. He didn’t care regardless, melting into his father’s embrace and falling asleep slowly to the sound of his heart. It was almost as comforting as his mother’s. If only he didn’t breathe so quickly. He needed to learn how to breathe like his momma, or else this would never work out.

His mother kept growing and his father never seemed so proud. They had even organized a party. For what? It wasn’t anyone’s birthday yet. Sebastian remained at his mother’s feet as she unwrapped gift after gift and filled the room with her infectious laughter. Everything was blue and pink. He hadn’t deduced why — he was busy chewing on the tied-off end of a balloon before his father snatched it out of his mouth and offered him an appropriate teething toy. He glared up at him before reluctantly shoving the chewy set of keys into his mouth. 

On a bitter winter morning in late January, Sebastian was transferred to his grandparents’ custody alongside the rest of his siblings as they were hurriedly shuttled out of their home. He wasn’t quite sure what was happening, all he could hear was the sound of crying, which he emulated as he was strapped into his seat in the back of his grandfather’s car. The drive between residences felt like an eternity. Sebastian couldn’t even sleep, feeling worry permeate deep in his gut. He didn’t get to say goodbye to his mother. Had something happened? Was it the baby? Was it hurting her?

He gave his grandfather more grief than he likely deserved. He refused sleep and the offers of food. He kept looking around aimlessly, like his mother would appear from around a corner and apologize for scaring him. Except that moment never came. He felt more alone than ever. He didn’t have either of his parents there to comfort him for the first time in his life, and the touch of his extended family had never felt more foreign than during that eternal night. 

His father arrived the following evening. Sebastian reached out, on the brink of tears as he hadn’t missed him more in his entire life. As he was hoisted onto his father’s waist, they were quickly crowded by the rest of his siblings who all had a thousand inquiries that he tried answering one by one. Yes, Momma is okay. She’s very tired from having your baby sister. We can go and see them tomorrow. Does that sound good? 

A baby sister. 

A sister.

A baby.

After a good night’s rest beside his father, Sebastian woke up that next day and was dressed warmly so he could visit the big white room where his mother was trapped. He was the last of his siblings to be let in, as they were each given their time with her according to their order of birth. The triplets huddled around her and Maisie kept staring blankly at the lump that their mother held close to her chest, just like she would do to Sebastian. Honey and India were enamored, already conspiring how they would take turns dressing her up. Harrison was mostly disinterested. He just wanted to show their mother the new book he acquired simply by passing the gift store and pointing it out to their father, who hardly ever denied them anything they wanted.

Then, Sebastian was lifted onto her bedside and he saw her smiling face and all felt right in the world again. He mirrored her smile and reached out so he could latch — but he was cupped by the stomach and held back by his father.

“Not your turn yet, Seb,” his father chuckled. “Gotta let Snowdrop eat some, too.”

Snowdrop?

Sebastian’s lips formed a pout and Reina reached out, brushing back his blond curls and soothing him better than anyone had since she left. “Here, look,” she said softly as she held his baby sister up so he could observe her features. She was even smaller than him. He didn’t know people could be that small. She was pink in her round cheeks and on the tip of her nose. Tentatively, he reached out, poking her there and wondering if she was real at all. She looked like one of Honey’s dolls. 

She sneezed and Sebastian jumped. Everyone else laughed. And, for the first time in a long time, he began laughing along.

Life was a song again. This time, it gained a new melody. It was richer because of it. Maybe because nothing much had truly changed for Sebastian, not like he had thought they would. He was still their baby boy, even if he wasn’t the youngest anymore. He was loved and adored by his mother just as much as before, though he did have to split his time in half to share with Snowdrop as they were tandem nursing. That was alright. He didn’t need all that food. He would’ve liked it, but he didn’t need it.

He didn’t notice the tiredness in his mother’s gaze as the weeks wore on and his baby sister grew bigger and bigger. All he did was curl up beside her and make certain that Snowdrop wasn’t exhausting her too much. Whenever it seemed like his mother was going to doze off or if she appeared the slightest bit vexed, he would call out loudly: Daddy! and that would fix everything for a little while. Maybe his father was of more use than he assumed, after all.

As the two youngest, Sebastian and Snowdrop were often paired together. Especially now that their family was made up of an even number: a staggering ten total. They were introduced as a package deal, like he and Harry used to be. Now Harry spent all his time with Honey, India and Mim were forced into proximity so their personalities wouldn’t clash as much (this was unsuccessful), and Maisie and Max were always together — the twins, everyone called them. Mim didn’t seem to care. She liked being independent. This was made evident every time India would link their arms while they were walking and she would be swiftly discarded into the nearest ditch by the triplet.

Sebastian began taking this pairing very seriously as he gained more awareness of the world. He would climb out of bed at night and sit idle at her crib just to watch her sleep. He could tell when she had nightmares; her brow would twitch and her mouth would crease and she’d whine softly, but all it took was a couple of pats to her back to make her feel secure before she was asleep peacefully once more. He knew, even before their mother sometimes, when she was peckish. He fed her her first bite of solid food. It was his duty. He was her older brother. Her sworn protector.

He helped her form words whenever she tried speaking like the rest of her siblings did ever so constantly. Seh-bash-tee-ann. That’s my name. Suh-no-duh-rop. That’s your name. Can you say that? I can say it. Sebastian. Snowdrop. And although she couldn’t quite understand him, she still smiled and it made him smile, too. 

When she pushed herself off the ground in an attempt to waddle toward their father, Sebastian was there to catch her as she inevitably tumbled to the ground. He was there every time, until eventually she didn’t need him to stand behind her anymore, and that was when he felt the first pang of abandonment. Would she not need him forever? Like how Maisie needed Max, the only other person aside from their parents who could coax her down from hysteria? Or how Harrison needed Honey, an ever-calm presence that knew just how to keep him from spiraling? Even India still required Mim for things, like tying her shoelaces and when she needed a passenger in her Barbie Jeep to terrorize the neighbors with.

Alas, she did not. On her first day of Pre-K and Sebastian's first day of kindergarten, she skipped ahead of all of them without looking back, and it might’ve struck him harder than it did their parents who sent her off. He was there that morning, watching intently as his mother braided her hair, memorizing each step in case she might’ve needed him to do the same for her. He helped her slip her light-up Skechers on. The Skechers he pointed out in the store when they went school shopping: bright turquoise with pink stripes, appropriately bedazzled at the toe so everyone would know how cool and trendy his baby sister was.

The realization that Snowdrop wasn’t as reliant on him as he was on her had been devastating. This must be how Momma feels all the time, he thought, and then came to the conclusion that if he wanted both their pain to subside, they would need one another more than anyone else in each other did. So he hung off her like a monkey, never giving her a moment’s rest. Every time his father would try and intervene, Sebastian would cry out and his mother would be there to blot away his tears. 

The years came and went like this. When Sebastian was enrolled in his first season of sports, he grew a bit more distant, finding a sliver of independence where he never had before — but as soon as a ball would make a brutal collision with his nose or he slid too hard or too fast on the grass and acquired stains that burned through the skin, he would revert back to that same child that couldn’t breathe without his mother. Except now, whenever he would hold a cold compress to his bleeding nose, Snowdrop would come up beside him and lean her cheek on his shoulder and hold his hand until the throbbing subsided and he could stand without getting lightheaded. 

He taught her well, he liked to think. 

Two days shy of his twelfth birthday, he was sat in bed with his soccer ball lamp illuminating the room. He still waited every night for his mother to tuck him in. He came last, since Snowdrop now required two bedtime stories in order to sleep soundly. He didn’t mind waiting anymore. He was almost a man, he knew he couldn’t act so pedantic forever, though sometimes he did test the limit. His hazel eyes drifted up whenever he noticed his bedroom door creak open. His mother paused for a moment, clearly surprised he had remained awake for so long, then offered an apologetic smile as she went to sit beside him.

“Sorry, Bash, I meant to be here sooner,” she said, reaching out and carding her fingers through his thick blond curls. They were beginning to darken, thanks to all the time he spent outdoors during soccer practice and games. 

“That’s okay,” he said in return. “I don’t mind waiting.”

His mother pursed her lips, presumably in thought, as she shifted herself so they were facing one another fully. “You know… You don’t have to wait forever, Bash,” she told him gently. It took him a moment to process what she was implying, and when he did, he could feel a ball the size of the ones he kicked around all day begin to form in his throat. 

“... I-I know.” he managed to say. “I-I mean — yeah, I know. O-Of course I know.”

She chuckled at this, tilting her head sideways. “You’re more like your father than you’d care to admit.” 

“Why — why wouldn’t I admit it?” Sebastian asked despite knowing exactly why. His relationship with his father would always be complicated for reasons beyond his comprehension. Try as they might, there seemed to be a dissonance between them that couldn’t be corrected. 

“I’m always going to be here for you,” she began as she reached for his hand. “That will never change. You’re my baby boy. But you’re growing up. You’re almost as tall as me now,” she let out a quiet laugh underneath her breath. “I can’t believe it. I think you can’t, either. But… I also think you’re ready to let go.”

Sebastian’s brows knitted together in confusion. “Let go?” he echoed.

His mother nodded along, a solemnity in her features as she squeezed his hand in her own. “Of me. Or, well. Be your own person. You’ve been my little love all this time, my Seb, my baby. I haven’t given you much room to be yourself. And I’m sorry for that.”

“Y-You… You don’t have to say sorry,” he immediately denied. “I’m myself. Aren’t — aren’t I?”

“You are. You can be much more if I let you breathe,” she said and leaned in to kiss his cheek. He leaned into the touch instinctively. “I never did before. It wasn’t fair to either of us.”

For some reason, Sebastian could feel tears prickle on his waterline, which his mother was quick to wipe away. They both hated seeing each other upset. “That doesn’t mean I’m abandoning you,” she assured quietly. “I would never do that. But don’t you want to do things without always wondering where I am while you do them?”

“... I-I don’t know,” Sebastian admitted as he stared down at their connected hands.

“I think you do,” she said. “And it’s okay, Bash. I promise. I’m going to be here no matter what. You don’t have to look for me everywhere. You can look for yourself now.”

Sebastian swallowed dryly as he felt his core shift in that moment. He wasn’t sure if he was ready to step forward, out into the light, and let go of her hand. He didn’t know how the rest of his siblings did it, but they survived, didn’t they? He could, too, if he really wanted. He had to. His gaze lifted and he matched his mother’s with a faint smile pulling on the corner of his lips.

“Okay, Momma,” he finally said. “I will.”

His mother smiled at him and blotted away a few stray tears of her own, then moved into bed beside him so she could scoop him up against her chest. He could hear the steady rhythm of her heart. His eyelids fluttered closed and he released a sigh. This wouldn’t be the last time his mother ever held him, but it was the last time he would feel like he’d die if she didn’t. And he still didn’t know how he felt about it. One day, though. He’d have it figured out one day.

Outside the window, a flower bloomed on the branch of a tree.

It was the first day of summer.

She started to sing softly. It was a song he’d known since the day he was born. 

[illuminatingprowess]

The Fall of a New King, The Rise of the Immortalem

Sebastian had left his sister behind in the war room as he went back into the main hall where his guest remained. The animosity and fear was palpable when things went sideways in Westland. He hoped that his presence would provide some reassurance amongst the crowd. Feeling himself grow increasingly fatigued all of a sudden, he had someone go fetch him some water in hopes that it wasn't something he'd eaten over the course of the night. They didn't need a case of food poisoning on top of the current circumstances. The last thing the Isley wanted was to come off as a weak. With various individuals continually updating him, Sebastian made sure to pass off any relevant information to the appropriate leaders and heads.

Feeling like his strength had marginally improved, Sebastian began walking around the palace. They had decided after the first hour to split up guest into various sections in hopes to divert any additional attacks from hitting the masses. Sitting and waiting didn't bode well for him, so he moved throughout the palace with his slew of guards checking on guest and making sure that everyone was on the same page. As they rounded a corner, he'd ask for a moment, leaning himself against the wall. His vision was going blurry. Reminiscing on what Markus had informed him, Sebastian was dwelling on the thoughts of the Immortalem. Surely, all of this could not be related to that? Nonetheless, he dismissed the thought and pushed forward.

As he made his way to the last check point of guest in the library, Sebastian felt his legs go and was fortunately caught by two of his guardsmen. He could hear the murmurings and people now concerned about his well being. "I'm fine," he stated as his team pleaded for him to return back to the war room. Once up right again, he remained in the library for about ten minutes before signaling that it was time to return back in hopes that the missing had been found.

Once situated in the war room, people could see that there was something distinctively wrong with their king. Sebastian didn't heed their concerns. As long as he was still breathing and moving, he was staying in this room and working with the various individuals to put an end to whatever the hell was going on. However, internally he felt like he got ran over by a bus. His body ached like never before and he could feel the chills coursing up and down his spine. "Give me an update," he mustered. The Isley's energy was draining and there were still no changes. Other leaders were on guard, fortifying the palace and using their respective abilities to keep everyone in Kings Hill safe. He had a feeling it wouldn't be enough.

Sebastian had been in mid conversation with Barclay when his vision had gone black. Feeling the world spinning, he didn't even sense his body give way as he landed flat on the floor, having only been upright a mere few minutes ago. All he could hear were the voices shouting with concern, someone beckoning for a doctor, a healer, as the guards swiftly lifted him up, carrying the Isley to his chambers.

His body was on fire and there was no corrective action. Every attempt the healers tried was counter acted, causing him to grow more ill by the moment. Sebastian commanded everyone to leave his room, beyond important personnel. The last thing they needed was for their hopes to be defeated at the sight of their newly crowned king withering away. To those who remained in the room, he asked of them one thing and one thing only. "You do not relinquish control. You protect these people and you protect this kingdom by any means possible." Everyone came before him and those who he'd given high power, he entrusted that they would do the same. "I'll be fine."

Sebastian had been in and out of consciousness. Every fiber of his being was burning. The pain coursing from the crown of his head, to the base of his feet was incomprehensible. He could hear the voices. A constant chanting of the sorts from the underworld. Markus was right. They are here and may the heavens have mercy upon those who casted them away. "They're coming..." he strained to whisper. Hearing the room go quiet, he felt the sudden blackness come over, caving to it entirely. The last four words that left his lips before he fell into a coma. Before the skies would wreck havoc and chaos upon the lands. "The immortalem have risen."

[sebastianxwinters]

when i woke up the rain was pourin' down || self-para

i found the love that i knew i missed....

What would normally be steady hands turned into shaky quite quickly. The phone slowly hit the dresser as Sebastian was sitting at the edge of his bed. Tears were pouring from his eyes as he didn't make a sound. He couldn't catch his breath and worst of all, he couldn't comprehend what he had just heard from his father.

Sebastian was not informed that his mother was ill, and apparently none of his siblings were told either. Did they get to say goodbye? Did they get something that Sebastian was never going to have the opportunity to get? He wouldn't resent them, but it would be hard for him to look at them the same.

They were still in London and they were there so they must've known that something was going on. Maybe they didn't know but they must've because her condition would've made her decline quite fast.

Was it true?

Was this a dream?

Sebastian could've screamed for someone to wake him up but nobody was going to answer his prayer and deep down he knew that to be true. In this situation, most sons would be feeling a hundred different things but right now, Sebastian wasn't feeling anything. Numbness was overtaking his body to the point where he was unaware that he had fallen off the edge of the bed and he was sitting on the carpet that covered his floor.

People must've been notified about what happened because all he could hear was his phone vibrating with texts and missed calls coming and going for hours. Even though Sebastian didn't want to worry anyone about what was racing through his mind, he couldn't bring it to himself to answer anybody.

hold me darling just a little while

It must've been four or five hours since hanging up the phone that Sebastian was finally able to peel himself off the floor. He didn't make it far from the floor as he had to stop and take a deep breath on his bed. There was a whole new way of living that he wasn't sure he was going to be able to do.

Moping from the bedroom and into the kitchen, Sebastian peeled open the freezer and looked at all of the food that he knew his stomach would and should enjoy, but then his eyes landed on the bottle of patron.

One swig went down and it burned his throat. After being able to take a couple more swigs, Sebastian has become accustomed to the burn. He was actually surprised that this was something that he could feel and that brought him a sort of solace that he still had the ability to feel.... for now that is.

After finishing off the half the bottle that was left, Sebastian screamed and he threw it at the wall. It was three o'clock in the morning now and he didn't care about waking up neighbors. The noise and mess were something that he could deal with at another time. Sebastian grabbed the next bottle that wasn't cold and carried it to his bed with him where he took one more swig, put the top on and then plopped down on his stomach and passed out.

the lord took her away from me, she's gone to heaven so i got to be good.

[luvly-writer]

“You are my sunshine”

Part 40: This love of ours

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Jason Todd x Latina! Reader

Social media Au

Status: Finished

Warnings: writing between pictures!

Author’s Note: AND A THIRD ONE!?!?!? We on a roll todayyyyyy!!!!! ENJOY!

Taglist: @lorosette @nanas-teatime @izukuisbaby @writing-for-the-hell-of-it @unofficial-jaytodd-wife @graywrites5567 @addictedtothefictionalworld @halleest @randobeetlehouse @prettyacademia00 @tamimemo @jasontodd-artemisgrace4life @mxtokko

Series Masterlist:

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a beach day was precisely what Jason and you needed after all the excitement of last week.

your trip had been going amazing and it was your last week here before going back to Gotham.

The first week you had spent it touring the island. Sometimes your mom would join you both, but it was mainly Jason and you. You wanted to show him all of the places you loved from your home. From beaches to plazas to San Juan and so forth, you showed everything you could to him and he adored it. Absolutely loved it. From the food, to the people, yo the music, Jason was at awe of your island. Spanish was rolling of his tongue easily and well let’s just say it was very hard to keep your hands off each other. The first week was amazing

The second, Jason met the rest of your family and boy did they love him. It is no secret that Jason is a sight for sore eyes. 6 foot tall, body that look like it was hand sculpted by Michelangelo himself to resemble a greek god, black hair with the white streak, dashing teal captivating eyes, straight white teeth, and now sporting a tan that made his skin glow, the Caribbean looked great on Jason. It’s no secret why sometimes you would wake up a little too late for things with you body a little too sore (wink wink). And because of that, the women in your family went wild. The second you brought this tank of a man home, you older cousins were left with their jaws dropped and your tias were already whispering with excitement. You had this one tia who was constantly competing with your mom for reasons you learned not to question long ago, who would constantly compare your achievements with one of your cousins, Sabrina, who was your same age to see who could one you the other and because of that your mother was busting with smugness. Her architect daughter who was a Wayne scholarship student and is a self made woman just brought home a man, that was not just attractive but the son of Bruce Wayne himself. You had warned Jason of this and seeing it himself, he was throughly amused. Oh his ego was through the ROOF. Your younger cousins were looking at him in awe, the girls with a small blush and the boys with admiration. Your tips were already smirking to themselves, thinking of which stories to share of their precious niece in order to welcome the new man into the family. And your grandmother, bless her heart, she clapped in happiness and rushed ti hug you both. “Ay mi niiiiiiña, desde cuando no te veo! Ay lo mucho q te e extrañado” she says as she hugs you tightly and you swear your heart fills with so much joy it will burst. She then turns to look at Jason and brings him for a tight hug and gushes over him, making him red in the face. “Ay pero que muchacho tan guapo! Dios te bendiga, espero q tengas hambre q hay mucho para comer” she said and Jason responded bashfuly, “Bendicion, dama, muchas gracias por recibirme en su casa”. Hearing the perfect spanish roll of him, big part of your family let out a sigh in relief. You smile at the exchange and once your abuelita leaves, you introduced him to the rest of your family. They adored him. The smaller kids would take turns on his shoulders, wanting to feel tall, the teens were all asking him questions. They boys thought he was the coolest thing to ever exist and the girls couldn’t stop telling you hot he was, making you laugh. Overall, it was such a nice night. At some point, you were too busy with everyone else, that you hadn’t notice Jason take you grandma and your mom outside for a sec.

You mom and your grandmother both stared up at him as he cleared his throat. “(your moms name) um (your grandmas name), las saque un momento por que quería pedirles su bendición para casarme con Yn, i know you have all been through so much and i admire your resilience, love, determination and strength, because of that, siento que son las personas indicadas para pedirles esto” he said and your mom brought her hands to her face, tears wanting to go down. You grandmother sniffed and took his hands smiling she said, “i never thought i’d live to see the day my darling granddaughter got married, thank you for making her so happy, tienes mi bendición”. With that she brought him to a hug, whipped her tears and left, leaving Jason alone with your mom.

Your mom smiled and whipped her tears, “Bueno, you are a good boy Jason, Yn has told me about everything, the whole fighting thing included” at that Jason opened his eyes but your mother shushed him before he could interrupt ,”don’t worry, cariño, confía que your secret is safe with me, plus im her mother coño, she can’t keep anything away from me. You are a good man, Jason. Sometimes we have to do immoral things to keep the one we love safe and that doesn’t make us bad. You and your family protect the city and the world i assume correct?” Jason nods and your mother continues, “then all i ask as i give you this blessing is to protect my little girl with the same passion and determination you put into your job. Esa niña es mi mundo, I got her out of the darkness, please keep her out.” She squeezes Jason’s hand and pulls him for a hug, Jason whispers in her ear, “I will protect her with everything that i have in this world, until my dying breath” and you mom pulls back whiles her tears and laughs. “Well, why don’t we go back to the party, i’m sure we will have even more reasons to celebrate soon” she says with a wink and both laugh. They walk back to the party where the celebrations continued.

After that party, everytime Jason and you were together, your mother and grandmother would send knowing excited looks to each other, waiting for you to make the announcement. The week carried on, with Jason and you enjoying time with your family. You went to the beach even more, visited el Junque, and went on road trips around the island. Your family adored him

Finally the third week arrived, and you both decided to stay the first two days in the hotel, it was at walking distance to a beach so you both had decided that on the second day you would go and have a picnic at the beach.

You had taken pictures, gotten in the water, laid down and read a book together, kissed, cuddled, ordered a pizza, the day couldn’t get any better.

You were busy trying to take pictures of the beach to send to the group chat you had with Nola, Barbara, Cass, and Steph, with your back to Jason.

“you know, some day, we should bring the whole Wayne Family here, they would love it! I mean now that you know my family, they will want to meet yours, and I just know Juan Pablo will want to show Damian all of the animals en la finca! Omg they would get along so well Jason! Although i would be a bit weary with Dick and his flirtatious tendencies with the girls, oh Lord they would be insoportable. What do you think?” you say as you start to laugh but stop quickly when you hear silence. “Jay” you say and turn around to find Jason standing there nervously, eyes watery, “oh my..baby qué pasó?” you say and Jason clears his throat.

“Yn, um you know, you flipped my life upside down the minute you came to it. I never thought I deserved good things. A poor kid from crime ally, who had the luck of getting adopted by a billionaire only to be killed a few years later by a maniac clown, and once I was resuscitated, i believed I deserved nothing. I believed that love was a myth, that love was a lie and that that lie would never ever deceive me. I have fought, I have killed, I have wronged and hurt people, and frankly, there were times I didn’t think i was a good man. Yes, my family has helped a lot, and i recognize their love for me, but you my dear, you were a breathe of fresh air in a world where i had been drowning for a long time. You were that light in the darkness, the calm in the storm. You are my sunshine in the midst of the darkness. You showed me i’m allowed to have good things and be loved. You helped with mending the bonds that had been broken with my family, you helped mend the heart that was broken by life, you helped bring life to the shell of a man i found myself being sometimes.” Jason sniffed, tears running down his face. You could feel your very own tears going down your cheeks, one of your hands was on you chest, above your heart, feeling the accelerated thumps of your heartbeat, and the other was covering your opened mouth. “Baby, mi niña bonita, mi princesa, mi sol, mi luna, mis estrellas, mi mundo, mi universo, you have bewitched me, body, soul, mind and heart, and I love you. I feel as if i’ve loved you from the moment we first talked and i wouldn’t be surprised if I did.” with that Jason got down to one knee, making you gasp and let out more tears, “Yn, will you do me the biggest honor and make me the happiest man alive in this whole fucking galaxy, and marry me?” You couldn’t form words and just smiled and nodded as more tears left your eyes. Jason stands up, picks you up, and kisses you, holding you as if you were going to disappear from his arms. He slips the ring to you finger and you laugh, “YES YES YES A MILLION TIMES YES!” you scream as you look at him in the eyes, happiness radiating of you both. “Te amo, Jason Peter Todd Wayne! Con todo mi ser!” you tell him and he nuzzles his nose to yours and responds, “y yo te amo a ti, Yn Ln soon to be Miss Yn Todd Wayne”. It turns out that this day could get better.

You laugh and quickly call your mom by facetime. Once she answers, you show her your ring and she screams of joy, showing your Aunt and grandmother, who both cheer. You laugh and thank them on their congratulations. Once you hang up, you take pictures and post it. Oh the batfam was going to flip! They had been leaving hints of you both getting married for the longest time and it seems their wishes were met.

Jason laughs as you both pick up your stuff and return to your room. You both shower and change for the fancy dinner being hosted by the hotel and laugh at the comments his siblings and Nola were leaving. That night, TRUST that both of you were left quite satisfied and fulfilled with your after engagement celebrations once you got to your room ;) ;)

<3

[dianashiori]

¿Qué haría Sebastian Michaelis si su pareja tuviera depresión? / What would Sebastian Michaelis do if his partner had depression?

PRECAUCIÓN: El contenido mostrado a continuación no es apto para personas con susceptibilidad a temas de salud mental. Si llegas a sospechar que padeces de problemas de salud mental, considera acudir a un especialista en salud mental para obtener una mejor orientación. / CAUTION: The content shown below is not suitable for people with sensitivities to mental health issues. If you suspect that you have mental health problems, consider seeing a mental health specialist for better guidance.

PRECAUCIÓN 2: Se hace mención acerca de actos sexuales, acoso, comentarios hirientes y autolesion. Contenido no apto para menores de edad o personas susceptibles al contenido. / CAUTION 2: Mention is made about sexual acts, harassment, hurtful comments and self-harm. Content not suitable for minors or people susceptible to the content.

Versión Español:

No es que Sebastian no se haya dado cuenta de que su amada era diferente al resto de humanos, aunque a la vez muy similar. Ha visto esa clase de padecimientos en muchos humanos, ha visto como poco a poco se rompen y hacen añicos a si mismos, como pierden el sentido de la vida y la capacidad de sentir placer se va disminuyendo al punto de llegar a sentirse anestesiados.

Pero cuando su humana especial comenzó a convivir con él, más de cerca, fue evidente que algo no iba del todo bien.

Siempre notaba tu perdida de apetito, bastante recurrente, también comenzó a sospechar que su constante ausencia de su hogar daba oportunidad a qué intencionalmente omitieras alimentarte. En un principio pensó que era una protesta por dejarte sola mientras él iba a trabajar de mayordomo con su amo todo el día, pero después comenzaste a dejar comida en tu plato y a veces manifestabas no tener hambre.

Comenzó a intentar alimentarte, lo intentaba con dulzura y paciencia, era un demonio, su paciencia y determinación eran superiores a las de los humanos. Pero sabía que intentar forzarte a comer sería muy agresivo para ti, por lo que tuvo que valerse de estrategias para hacerte probar bocado. No logro hacerte acabar la comida pero si hacerte comer más de la mitad.

También se dio cuenta de tu insomnio, no importa que tan quieta te quedarás o cuánto tiempo tuvieras los ojos cerrados, tu respiración y latidos no eran iguales estando despierta y dormida, por lo que supo enseguida que fingias dormir. Optó por preparar leche caliente, masajes, incluso provocarte orgasmos con sus dedos, boca y miembro, pero no había mucha mejoría, a excepción de unas noches donde lograbas dormir unas cuantas horas.

Él no necesita dormir y por unas noches pensó que era una excusa tuya para pasar más tiempo con él y que en la mañana cuando se fuera, tu dormirias, pero al notar tus ojeras crecientes y que estabas mucho más distraída y torpe que de costumbre, se dio cuenta que te habías pasado todo el día despierta.

Cuando se trataba de tu higiene, para él era más sencillo ayudarte, ya que desde que viven juntos, hicieron costumbre ducharse juntos, por lo que, aunque tú no tuvieras voluntad de ducharte, él era quien se encargaba. Al salir cepillaba tu cabello y aprovechaba para contarte cosas sobre su trabajo, como los casos que la reina encomendaba a su amo, las travesuras de los sirvientes o incluso los chistes e historias de Undertaker, pensó que si te decía esas cosas entonces tu también le dirías cosas de tu día a día otra vez.

Hubo ocasiones en las que tenías que salir de casa sola, en las cuales tratabas de esforzarte mucho por superar tu condición y hacer vida normal por unas horas, pero regresabas peor de lo que saliste, por ejemplo, un día tus mejillas estaban lastimadas por qué tus padres te habían abofeteado por decir que no pensabas volver a casa porque ya habías formado un hogar con tu novio mayordomo, tu vestido había sido rasgado a tirones por tus ex "amistades" debido a una discusión sobre rumores que escucharon sobre ti y tu extraño comportamiento "hermitaño".

Sin mencionar que las personas en el mercado hablaban muy cruelmente de ti: "Mira ese cabello tan opaco, se ve como una anciana", "Ese cuerpo tan delgado y frágil, como puede un hombre meter su miembro dentro de ese saco de huesos", "Tiene una mirada tan horrible, parece como si estuviera muerta".

Sebastian al llegar y observarte en tal estado, y verte inmóvil y completamente silenciosa, supo enseguida que el mundo no estaba dispuesto a cooperar para que tuvieras un momento de tranquilidad. Ya se encargaría en secreto de vengarse monstruosamente por lo que te habían hecho, pero esos días en que regresabas de una mala salida, eran los señalados para consentirte e intentar levantarte el poco ánimo que te quedaba del día.

Y hablando del sexo, ciertamente disminuyó, pero no fue porque Sebastian ya no quisiera tenerte tan seguido, sino que eras tú quién no tenía ánimos ni libido para desear llevar a cabo el coito. Sebastian aceptó esto, no siempre te negabas, había ocasiones donde aceptabas gustosa que él te poseyera, pero comparado al inicio de su vida juntos, esto había disminuido. Aunque cada vez que lograban llevar a cabo el acto sexual, Sebastian trataba de priorizar tu placer antes que el suyo y se aseguraba de que en todo momento estuvieras de acuerdo para continuar.

Esta condición no era algo común en la época, por lo que Sebastian desconocía muchas cosas acerca de los cuidados adecuados para ayudarte, por lo que a veces cuando volvía del trabajo podía percibir un ligero olor a sangre que provenía de tu boca. Al examinarte de cerca, observo que tenías pequeñas heridas en tus labios, y no solo eso, también tus rodillas y pies tenían moretones, como si hubieras pateado algo y te hubieras dejado caer. Esto no lo esperaba, sabía que algunos humanos lo hacían, pero jamás pensó que tú condición te arrastraría a esas acciones.

Cuando te encontraba con esas autolesiones, se encargaba de ponerte bálsamos en tus labios y en los moretones para que sanarán mejor y llevarte a la cama con él para besarte y darte todo el amor que necesitabas. Pero en momentos como esos, Sebastian reconocía que tus heridas eran solo un reflejo de un dolor aún más profundo, que sin duda costaría mucho tiempo sanar.

Esta clase de cosas solían suceder en temporadas muy cortas, podías estar bajo esa condición por uno o dos meses y poco a poco volverías a la normalidad. Había sus recaídas y a veces duraban más tiempo que la anterior o más corto, y sin medicamento eficaz en esa época, era complicado prevenir volver a ese abismo en el que te atrapabas. Pero eso no suponía una molestia para Sebastian, después de todo, eras su humana especial, era adicto a ti, eras su droga, así que si un día necesitabas de él para salir de esa pesadilla, con gusto acudiría a tu ayuda.

A veces Ciel notaba que su mayordomo estaba más relajado, desconociendo por completo que su mayordomo estaba ayudando a su pareja a pasar por un infierno personal, pero en esas épocas donde su demonio estaba apacible, le sugería, casi ordenándole, que trajera a su pareja a pasar la tarde en la mansión. Sebastian no lo consideraba como una buena idea, pero dado tu historial de malas experiencias con el mundo exterior, pensó que ayudarte a salir con personas más conscientes y menos críticas ayudaría a tu mejoría o aplazamiento de tus crisis depresivas.

Tal como Sebastian lo supuso, Ciel y el resto de sirvientes te hicieron sentir con tanta naturalidad que por un momento te sentiste mucho mejor que en días anteriores. El día avanzo con tanta calma y alegría que al final del día volviste a casa en los brazos de Sebastian. Se ducharon juntos y por último fueron a la cama, donde tuvieron una pequeña charla antes de que te quedarás dormida.

S: Hoy tuve doble recompensa.

(T/n): ¿A sí?

S: Si, porque mi amo estuvo de buen humor por tu presencia, así que no hubo reclamos por su parte, y mejor aún, tú estabas ahí conmigo y los demás sirvientes, y pude ver una de tus sonrisas espontáneas que hace semanas que no veía.

(T/n): Lamento haber sido una carga estos meses.

S: No fuiste una carga, no es tu culpa sentir que tú mundo se viene abajo y que nada tiene sentido, soy tu novio, y voy a estar para ti cuando me necesites.

(T/n): No quiero que digas eso, porque después puedes arrepentirte y abandonarme.

S: Jajaja, estoy loco por ti, todo aquello que involucré cuidar de ti para mí es un placer, no importa si los humanos se cansan y se arrepienten, yo no lo haré.

(T/n): Te amo.

S: Yo también te amo.

(T/n): No se escucha sincero si lo dices sujetando mis glúteos.

S: Jajaja, es mi forma de decirte que he estado impaciente por tocarte, desde que te vi pasear de un lado a otro por la mansión, tan curiosa y obediente de lo que otros decían.

Sin duda, esta noche eran de esas veces donde Sebastian y tú podían disfrutar de la calma después de la tormenta.

English Version:

It's not that Sebastian didn't realize that his beloved was different from other humans, although at the same time very similar. He has seen this kind of suffering in many humans, he has seen how little by little they break and shatter themselves, how they lose the meaning of life and the ability to feel pleasure diminishes to the point of feeling anesthetized.

But when his special human began to live with him more closely, it was evident that something was not quite right.

He always noticed your loss of appetite, quite recurrent, and he also began to suspect that your constant absence from your home gave you the opportunity to intentionally omit feeding. At first he thought it was a protest for leaving you alone while he went to work as a butler with his master all day, but then you started leaving food on your plate and sometimes you said you weren't hungry.

He began to try to feed you, he tried with gentleness and patience, he was a demon, his patience and determination were superior to those of humans. But he knew that trying to force you to eat would be very aggressive for you, so he had to use strategies to make you try a bite. I can't make you finish the food but I can make you eat more than half.

He also noticed your insomnia, no matter how still you stayed or how long you had your eyes closed, your breathing and heartbeat were not the same when you were awake and asleep, so he knew right away that you were pretending to sleep. She chose to prepare hot milk, massages, even make you orgasm with her fingers, mouth and member, but there wasn't much improvement, except for a few nights where you managed to sleep for a few hours.

He doesn't need to sleep and for a few nights he thought it was an excuse for you to spend more time with him and that in the morning when he left, you would sleep, but when he noticed your growing dark circles and that you were much more distracted and clumsy than usual, He realized that you had been awake all day.

When it came to your hygiene, it was easier for him to help you, since since you lived together, you made it a habit to shower together, so, even if you were not willing to shower, he was the one who took care of it. When he left, he brushed your hair and took the opportunity to tell you things about his work, such as the cases that the queen entrusted to her master, the pranks of the servants or even Undertaker's jokes and stories. He thought that if he told you those things then you would also tell him. you would say things about your everyday life again.

There were times when you had to leave the house alone, when you tried hard to overcome your condition and lead a normal life for a few hours, but you came back worse than you left, for example, one day your cheeks were hurt because why? your parents had slapped you for saying you weren't planning on coming home because you had already made a home with your butler boyfriend, your dress had been torn by your former "friends" due to an argument over rumors they heard about you and your stranger. "hermit" behavior.

Not to mention that the people in the market spoke very cruelly about you: "Look at that dull hair, she looks like an old woman", "That body is so thin and fragile, how can a man fit his member inside that bag of bones" , "She has such a horrible look, she looks like she's dead."

Sebastian, upon arriving and observing you in such a state, and seeing you motionless and completely silent, knew immediately that the world was not willing to cooperate so that you could have a moment of peace. He would secretly take charge of taking monstrous revenge for what they had done to you, but those days when you returned from a bad outing were the ones designated to pamper you and try to lift the little spirit you had left of the day.

And speaking of sex, it certainly decreased, but it wasn't because Sebastian no longer wanted to have you so often, but rather it was you who didn't have the courage or libido to want to have intercourse. Sebastian accepted this, you didn't always refuse, there were times where you gladly accepted him possessing you, but compared to the beginning of your life together, this had diminished. Although every time they managed to carry out the sexual act, Sebastian tried to prioritize your pleasure before his and made sure that at all times you agreed to continue.

This condition was not common at the time, so Sebastian did not know many things about proper care to help you, so sometimes when he returned from work he could smell a slight smell of blood coming from your mouth. Upon examining you closely, I noticed that you had small wounds on your lips, and not only that, your knees and feet also had bruises, as if you had kicked something and dropped. He didn't expect this, he knew that some humans did it, but he never thought that your condition would drag you to those actions.

When he found you with those self-harms, he was in charge of putting balm on your lips and on the bruises so that they would heal better and taking you to bed with him to kiss you and give you all the love you needed. But in moments like these, Sebastian recognized that your wounds were only a reflection of an even deeper pain, which would undoubtedly take a long time to heal.

These kinds of things used to happen in very short periods, you could be under that condition for a month or two and little by little you would return to normal. There were relapses and sometimes they lasted longer than the previous one or shorter, and without effective medication at that time, it was difficult to prevent returning to that abyss in which you trapped yourself. But that was not a bother to Sebastian, after all, you were his special human, he was addicted to you, you were his drug, so if one day you needed him to get out of that nightmare, he would gladly come to your help.

Sometimes Ciel noticed that his butler was more relaxed, completely unaware that his butler was helping his partner go through a personal hell, but in those times when his demon was peaceful, he would suggest, almost ordering him, that he bring his partner. to spend the afternoon at the mansion. Sebastian didn't consider it a good idea, but given your history of bad experiences with the outside world, he thought that helping you hang out with more aware and less critical people would help you improve or postpone your depressive attacks.

Just as Sebastian assumed, Ciel and the rest of the servants made you feel so natural that for a moment you felt much better than in previous days. The day progressed with such calm and joy that at the end of the day you returned home in Sebastian's arms. They showered together and finally went to bed, where they had a little chat before you fell asleep.

S: Today I had double reward.

(Y/n): Yes?

S: Yes, because my master was in a good mood because of your presence, so there were no complaints on his part, and better yet, you were there with me and the other servants, and I could see one of your spontaneous smiles that I haven't seen in weeks. saw.

(Y/n): I'm sorry for being a burden these months.

S: You were not a burden, it is not your fault to feel that your world is collapsing and that nothing makes sense, I am your boyfriend, and I will be there for you when you need me.

(Y/n): I don't want you to say that, because later you may regret it and abandon me.

S: Hahaha, I'm crazy about you, everything that involved taking care of you is a pleasure to me, it doesn't matter if humans get tired and regret it, I won't do it.

(Y/n): I love you.

S: I love you too.

(Y/n): It doesn't sound sincere if you say it while holding my buttocks.

S: Hahaha, it's my way of telling you that I've been eager to touch you, ever since I saw you walking around the mansion, so curious and obedient to what others said.

Without a doubt, tonight was one of those times where Sebastian and you could enjoy the calm after the storm.

[merrymerielle]

Blue is the Eye | Self-Para

word count: 2,034

TW: violence, death, drowning

As soon as the news reached her, of intruders, of intruders in Four. She didn't give it a second thought.

Merielle didn't seek permission, or let anyone know that she was going, she was simply gone one morning, having found the easiest and fastest way to go home. The Vox wouldn't have cared, they were stretched thin as it was, and it was a sick sort of satisfaction that came with feeling truly free - a force unto herself.

The arrival into the south of the district, and the first sight of the ocean, made her feel dizzy for a moment and almost sent her running back to the Capitol, but she willed herself to keep moving forward.

The walk home had been lonely, though people had recognised her they'd left her to herself, pausing to gawk before they began their gossiping. She didn't mind, even understood, she hadn't been home since her Victory tour. Now that she was back she could see smoke, off in the distance, the northern part of the district, billowing in thick clouds. It only strengthened her resolve, outweighing what would have been paralysing fear and replacing it with venomous adrenaline.

Eventually she arrived at her childhood home, both familiar and alien at the same time, as if time had both stood still and moved on without her. She didn't knock, she knew she was welcome, and that it would be a short visit.

It took approximately 20 seconds before she was swarmed by her family, children and adults alike reaching for her, and her trying to hold each one of them at the same time. Eventually the woman she called 'mom' for so long, Maria Sands, parted the crowd to stare at her, nodding slightly with a smile. She raised her hands to sign but before she could Merielle lifted her own.

Where's dad?

Silence. No one spoke or moved. She looked around the small room again, making a mental tally of everyone present - Pearl, Talia, Cove, Coral, Marina, Caspian, Kai--

Where is Sebastian? Marisol?

Pearl signed first, they went north to fight the invaders. they wouldn't let me go with them, that's why you're here, right? to fight?

Merielle's blood ran cold and she could feel the blood rushing in her ears.

Before she could ask anything Pearl signed again, let me go with you, I can help, I can-

Reflexively Merielle reached out and grabbed Pearls hands, stopping her from signing.

"I can help." the fourteen year old whispered, trying to pull her hands away from Merielle's vice-like grip.

"don't you dare. I will not have you putting yourself in unnecessary danger for some idea of greatness."

"but you--"

"I had no choice." She hissed, clenching her jaw for a moment, "if you really want to help you will stay here." Merielle let go of Pearl's hands and shook her head for a moment.

She looked around at everyone in the room, half of them had heard every word and the others were being filled in by a flurry of hands. She flexed her hands for a moment, you will all stay here, this is not negotiable. you will wait until I get back with dad, Marisol, and Sebastian. while you are waiting you will pack.

Her green eyes spotted the movement of young hands, about to argue or question, but she fixed Cove with a look that would have withered grown adults, so it was no surprise that it worked as effectively on the 16 year old.

you will pack, because we will be leaving. I have room in the Capitol for us all, and once it is safe to return home, you will be free to. Do you understand?

Resignation, slow nods, and a few silent tears.

Cove lifted her hands again, will we be able to come home?

Merielle looked from Cove, to Maria - who simply nodded, and back again. of course. not a lie, not the truth, the unknown. but I have to go, I'll come back for you all, okay? But you need to be ready to go.

Once she was sure that everyone had agreed, she began to prepare herself. She'd travelled with a trident and a dagger, the latter she strapped to her thigh, and the trident she attached to her back. A pile was made of her bag and her jacket, by the door, ready for when she came back.

As soon as she was ready she felt a hand on her shoulder so she turned. Maria was stood behind her, dark brown hair now speckled with gray, and her face warm and aged by the sun, and Merielle knew that she would have asked her to stay if she thought that would work.

Instead, Maria dipped her thumb into a pot in her free hand, and smeared the pigment across Merielle's cheeks. Nothing was said, or signed, but there was an understanding. Merielle knew that when she joined the fray there would be at least three other people, hopefully still alive, with the same markings she now bore.

When she left she didn’t look back, she knew that they were watching her, and they didn’t need to see her cry.

She walked north for an hour, keeping the ocean to her left and following the billowing smoke. People hurried past her in the opposite direction, trying to escape while they could with whatever they could carry - clothes, children, cherished belongings. Some paused when they saw her, she was used to being recognised as a victor but these were people she should have known, should have come home to sooner, yet they held no judgement and simply nodded at her in understanding as they passed.

It didn’t take much longer to reach the band of fighters. A mixture of rebels, fishermen, and Vox soldiers all reunited against a common cause.

Thankfully her family were easy to find, though the reunion was short lived as she was quickly informed of the plan.

They knew where the invaders had made it to, it was their fires Merielle could now see in the distance, and the plan was to at least cut them off using Sea Fire.

If she’d been nervous about stepping foot on a boat and being out at sea again, that was replaced entirely. Sea Fire was not something she’d seen in action, it was usually used by fishermen out at sea to signal for help or to light the way home - water wouldn’t put it out.

She stuck close to her family, silently making their way towards the ocean, the sound of water lapping at the shore had once been the focal point of her nightmares and now it might definitely lead to her death.

Merielle hadn’t realised she had stopped moving until she felt a hand on hers, Devere - her dad for all intents and purposes - was with her no matter what. They didn’t say anything but she nodded and squeezed his hand before wading into the ocean with him, only letting go so that they could swim out to their boat.

SIlence surrounded them as the boats cut through the water, slowly leaving trails of Sea Fire oil behind them, close enough to the shore to have an impact, not close enough to be noticed immediately.

When the camps came into view, a couple of boats continued on but Merielle’s had stopped. The Sands and Drake families were all together, all painted by their loved ones in patterns specific to their families, and began to ready themselves. Tridents, ropes, daggers, and the younger Drake sister even had a blowgun with darts.

Minutes passed in silence, awaiting the cue from the furthest boat, and when that shout finally came to alert the encampment that had set up, nothing happened for a few more moments.

Movement.

Swarms of people moving towards the water, jumping in and swimming out to the boat, armed and ready to fight. From what she had heard, these people revelled in battle and thrived in the bloodshed, if they only removed a few from the equation that would surely help, right?

It was a tense minute as they waited, watched them swim closer and closer, and then matches were lit, boat by boat. Marisol held theirs, out over the edge, and as soon as the intruders were close enough the matches were dropped.

The screams were horrendous, and would have been deafening, but the roar of the flames and the sight of the ocean on fire was the sensation that would remain with Merielle.

As planned, the boats began to move, heading back to safety as their enemies burned and drowned. Weapons remained readied, no one dared to think that this would be so easy. The moment a hand grasped onto the side of their boat Sebastian speared the intruder with deadly accuracy and kicked them away, but there were more that followed.

Some were still burning but pursuing as if possessed.

Luckily, everyone was prepared for a fight. Darts whizzed past Merielle’s head with terrifying accuracy, and she could hear the crunch of bone on bone as her dad fought another, eventually kicking them into the briny depths.

Merielle ended up taking a dagger to the ribs, but she’d dealt with worse and with her trident was more than happy to pin her attacker to the deck as they flailed like a fish. They were up against formidable fighters but thankfully the numbers were thinning, and for every blow that one of them took they dispatched an intruder.

By the time the water stilled, she was bleeding from countless cuts, her body already aching with the bruises to come. But there were no more attackers in sight. She barely had a moment to breathe when a shout rang out behind her.

She spun, dagger at the ready.

An intruder stood on the deck, half-burned and still smoldering, holding Devere like a shield. One dagger was already buried deep in his side; the other pressed against his throat.

Time stretched painfully. What was likely only seconds felt like an eternity.

She couldn’t lose him. Not like this. What would they tell the younger children? Maria? 

There was no way out for the intruder, no escape that would let him leave alive.

Merielle locked eyes with her father. He nodded.

Her heart pounded, but her hands didn’t waver. She could barely see half of the intruder’s face, but she didn’t need more. She had trained for this moment. Sure, she was better with a trident, but her aim was still sharp. She hurled the dagger.

It struck the intruder’s eye with a sickening thud. He staggered back, losing his balance as he toppled over the side of the boat, dragging Devere with him.

Merielle ran, ignoring the pain in her side. She slipped past Marisol’s outstretched hand, leaped past Sebastian who reached for their father, but it was all in slow motion, every second stretching on as Devere fell into the water.

She dove, desperate to save him before the darkness swallowed him whole.

The leap.

The dive.

The slice of sharp metal across skin as a final action..

The bloom of red.

The cold water.

Frigid water engulfed her, but she kept swimming down, her chest burning with denial. She couldn’t have just seen her father die. She couldn’t accept it. If she could reach him—if she could change something, trade places, do anything—it wouldn’t be too late.

Saltwater flooded her mouth, the weight of it pulling her deeper into darkness.

---

When she woke several days later, déjà vu rolled over her like nausea. The sterile white walls, the faint hum of Capitol machinery, familiar in a way that did not bring comfort.

But this time, there was no glamorous cosmetic surgery, no erasing the damage inflicted upon her a week ago. Her scars would heal in time. Her voice would come back. But her father wouldn’t.

A nurse handed her a letter. Her family had written to say they were staying in District 4 for now. Marisol and Sebastian had enlisted, desperate to avoid the Reaping at all costs.

The Games had returned, and Merielle had woken up in a Capitol hospital after nearly drowning—again.

[skitskatdacat63]

38 + 60 for the ask game ^_^/ — Penalanon (currently getting KO’d by school rn )

(I feel you so bad penalanon, I'm dying, and writing these is keeping me going cause at least I have one thing to look forward to! Thank you! I always know I can count on you for these)

misc lore drop day 52/?

Honestly if I do ever actually get into writing fic, this is a concept I’d probably write a fic for. You understand them well, penalanon, I wonder if before i even answer this, you can guess what I’m gonna write lol. I think in any case, whether it be Fernando or Seb grieving, the other would probably be pretty caught off guard. To see the other with their walls completely broken down like that would probably lead to some confession. It’s not like they’re confessing to the other to placate them or make them feel better, but rather in that moment, they both feel like normal people, no other pretenses. 

Obviously the first thing to come to my head is the death of Seb’s father. I imagine it happened unexpectedly, he was getting older but still. Seb’s wedding had not been that long ago, he was still quite elated, one step closer to world domin- I mean, he’s so happy to be with his husband! Both can be true, it’s fine. But as I said before, grief is inherently tied with his ascendancy to the imperial throne, because at that moment, he’s thrown into the spotlight, no father to lead him anymore. That’s the first time Fernando ever sees him truly upset. He’s seen him annoyed, he’s seen him frustrated, but he’s never seen him just. Sad. Empty. He’s like a shell of his former self for days, weeks,  months. Fernando has only felt negative or begrudgingly, barely positive, emotions towards him(okay liar), he’s not used to this feeling of genuine empathy and care he suddenly has toward Seb. He won’t eat, he’ll barely sleep, he’s not getting any work done. He won’t even do the things he enjoys, no matter how much Fernando goads him. And his coronation is coming up in only a matter of weeks, days even! Fernando recognizes this feeling of loss, though not in the same way. 

They’re walking down the halls together towards the chamber where Seb’s father’s body is being displayed. Fernando is nervously glancing at Seb from time to time, scared he’ll completely fall apart before they even get to the room. He’s walking, his face downcast, a handkerchief constantly held in one hand. Fernando’s been watching over him in private, not overbearingly, but making sure he’s not going to completely fall to pieces before he even gets crowned emperor. Fernando tells himself that he feels concerned because he has a vested interest in Seb’s rule. He’s not going to put up with being married to a lame duck emperor. The only reason he agreed to this, he admits to himself, is because, well, Seb seemed reliable, at least. Seeing Seb in that moment, tears welling up in his eyes and hurriedly being wiped away, he suddenly feels the genuine desire to actually tell Seb for once that he believes in him. That he married him even if it wasn’t the best deal in the world because he believes in him. That he’ll make a good emperor, one that Fernando can trust. He’s so focused on getting his words together that he doesn’t even realize they’ve reached the antechamber. He opens his mouth, “Sebastian, you’ll make a good emperor that your father would be proud of, I have trust in yo-” He’s cut off by the sound of Seb letting out a strangled gasp. Fernando looks up and straight forward; said father’s body is dressed up and displayed at the altar in the front of the room. Seb has fallen to his knees, completely inconsolable. So much for words, thinks Fernando, as he gets down beside Seb and lightly rests his hand on his shoulder, consoling him now through affection rather than words.  

(Oh hey wait that last para is basically just fic, whoops, guess I can write!)

[naomikojima]

SELF-PARA: The Edge DATE: Wednesday, September 7 2005 LOCATION: Spare Room GIF CREDIT: keetika TLDR: Naomi still supports the staff in the kitchen, changes her mind on performing, gives an average performance of a talent (parts in bold are what your muse would be present for)

"Would it come off as needlessly dramatic if changed my mind?" Naomi asked quietly to the woman who had managed to strike mistrust, fear and tension in her: Mrs. Tristan. It hadn't been like her to be indecisive or to not consider her words as she said them and when she had chosen not to participate in the show, the sting of Sebastian's judgements and the glare of the eyes on her at her eulogy were freshly replaying themselves in her mind. As her day progressed, spent helping set up the Spare Room, helping prepare dinner and helping clean up, she still hadn't come up with a talent that she could display until washing the dishes, when the sharp edge of a knife gleamed against the above lighting. When Naomi learned from Mrs. Tristan that her name was still in the hat, she figured she had her answer.

It was not something she was eager to admit, but Naomi did find joy and entertainment in watching the others, admiring how they all came together, the beginning of their lives mostly complicated leading them there, and Richard's generosity allowed them to flourish. It made her miss him more than ever, wishing he was occupying one of those seats. She had just downed her shot from Frankie's fun talent, which including a lovely speech when she heard her own name called. For a moment, she wondered if it was worse to follow after Frankie, someone who possessed a warmth that Naomi never could.

Naomi left the room momentarily, questioning re-entering but doing so with a black slim, fabric case and the confidence that liquor could instill. "Um, hi. I wasn't going to do anything, I had a hard time coming up with something, but I hope you enjoy." Her voice was too quiet to reach the back of the room, and her nerves could be heard for those close enough. "As you all know, I make food." She didn't dare make more eye contact as she spoke, rather preparing for her performance by setting up a piece of plywood that had been found during the greenhouse cleanup, and unfolding the case to reveal her old knife collection, freshly sharpened of course. "I was lucky enough to learn from Pierre, go to culinary school and all of that. Richard was very supportive." She paused, reminding herself that this, their gathering, was for him. "I enjoy it a lot, but it doesn't make for the best show." Naomi ran her fingers down the handles of the knives, to select which one. "The way we used to blow off steam sometimes, might be." Naomi selected the one in her hand and threw the knife towards the thin piece of plywood, which landed on it but on the most outer ring of the target.

After throwing eight knives, Naomi managed to hit the center ring once, the target four times in total, and two which dropped to the floor. No bullseye, and it felt like another public embarrassment, which were starting to pile up this week. Naomi's skin felt hot as she collected the knives into the fabric case, did a small curtsy, thanking everyone, and returned to her seat. She sat back, unsure if Richard would be proud of that, of her, but hoping that he would be proud that she tried.

[miraycavlan]

The Aftermath - Self Para

Where: The bathroom of her bedroom inside the palace. When: A few days after the kidnapping Summary: Miray is trying to wrap around the mess that is her thoughts.

Miray wasn't sure how many hours on end she had been seated next to Sebastian's bed, but she was happy to be standing again. She hadn't wanted to leave the room but they had made her leave the room in the end. The young woman knew that she was unable to do anything in the room but it felt strange to leave Seb behind. But they had been right. A shower and some walking instead of pacing up and down the room was a good idea.

The warm water was a pleasant welcome to her, relaxing her muscles only just slightly. Miray's gaze was fixed on her handpalms as she let the water warm her up. Everything had been a rollercoaster ever since she had returned from the place she had been taken to. And up until this moment, she still had no idea how she had ended up there. How she had been taken, how she had ended up tied to the chair with her handpalms cut. She still had no idea what exactly had happened, why the blood had been necessary.

Never had Miray had trouble with her way of upbringing until a few years back. But even then she had been able to deal with it. But the older she got, the more difficult it became. The world around her was changing and she had accepted that. But this time around, Miray was changing as well. Well, no. She was still the same but it was clear that she did not know enough about herself in the end.

Miray did not know anything about her father. And never had it been a problem to her. It was always her and her mother. They were good with just the two of them. But right now was the first time that the young woman actually wanted to know about the man who had left them for another. Who was he? What was he? It was clear that he had magical powers because otherwise Miray had no idea how else this was possible.

She lowered herself to the floor of the shower, pulling her knees up to her chest and she wrapped her arms around her knees. Miray let her chin rest on her knees as she looked at the tiled wall before she let her eyes close.

And despite all of this, Miray knew that she was going to be unable to deal with more bad news. The last thing she could use right now was for Seb to leave her permanently. She had lost him before but this would be definite. He had to pull through and she was not going to leave him ever again. And he was going to pull through. She could not think of anything else than that. She had to stay positive for him.

Miray opened up her eyes again. The water falling down on her wasn't the only water anymore that was streaming down her face. Tears had joined the falling water. She had to hold on to hope.

The young woman knew she had to figure out what had happened. She knew she had to figure out what to do next. She had to see what was going on with her. She had to learn how to deal with all of this. Miray had to embrace her new life. She had to talk to Seb about the fact that she did not want to leave him ever again. There was so much left for her to do.

And she was going to do all of it.

[thecjwelford]

CJ WELFORD.

FULL NAME: Carter James Welford

NICKNAME(S): CJ, Ceej

AGE & DATE OF BIRTH: 33, 3rd June 1992

GENDER & PRONOUNS: Cis-male, he/him

SEXUAL ORIENTATION: Bisexual

RELATIONSHIP STATUS: Emotionally single, legally married to Sebastian Vora

OCCUPATION: Owner of Thunder Road Racing Track, former F1 Driver

HOMETOWN: Blue Harbor, Illinois

PREVIOUSLY LIVED: Worldly Traveller

TIME IN BLUE HARBOR: Native

CURRENT NEIGHBORHOOD: Cardinal Hill

FACECLAIM: Darren Barnet

OTHER

Biography

Connections

Self-Paras

Tasks

[mycharacterdump]

𝗥𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗱 𝗥 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝗥𝗮𝘆𝗮

Sebastian was the last sibling to remain at home. All of his siblings were either off at college or living independently across the country; starting lives and families of their own. Maisie had the kind of mind that enabled her to acquire a job at NASA's Jet Propulsion Laboratory in California, Mim eloped the second she could convince Lark and they settled upstate, Max found a boyfriend he could pester until they eventually made the leap across the pond and found themselves running a café in London, Honey and India stuck together and were finishing their final year at Penn State, and Harrison —— well, Harrison was wallowing in his own melancholia during his gap year that he chose to spend alone in Canada. The youngest of them all, however, couldn't seem to leave his room. He had an entire summer left before he was expected to embark unto Georgetown on a soccer scholarship, but none of it even sounded worth it if it meant he couldn't see Briar. Ever since their parents discovered them innocently kissing they'd been forbidden from even scrolling on one another's social media, which went as far as having his phone confiscated indefinitely. That didn't stop him entirely, though.

He waited until his mother and father left the house for their annual date night before he snuck into their bedroom, rustling around drawers and underneath the mattress so he could try and locate his phone. He utilized a flashlight in the dark spots, however he couldn't quite find any reflection of his phone screen anywhere. He was beginning to grow frustrated as he slowly pieced his parents' bedroom back together, knowing better than to leave a mess behind him. While he was shutting the drawers, he noticed a collection of freshly printed photos sat atop a stack of clothes. Eyebrows knitting together curiously, he set the flashlight aside and picked up the photos; thumbing through them and noticing they were all from his graduation held weeks before.

A smile encroached upon his lips before he finally filtered through all of them to find a picture of himself and Briar standing together, their graduation caps cast aside and her head resting comfortably on his shoulder. He could remember the scene so vividly: the warm summer air surrounding them, sunlight casting down through the cloud bank and onto them as they squinted their eyes for the picture, his arm wrapped snugly around her waist to where he could feel the curvature of her body, the way his heartbeat picked up whenever her laughter echoed as Sebastian accidentally was caught blinking after it was taken.

God, he missed her.

Sebastian swallowed as he felt a stir in his lower half while reminiscing on what it was once like to be with her. Suddenly all he could think about was the taste of vanilla and mint on his tongue whenever they kissed, the feeling of her soft skin sliding against his, how their bodies locked together perfectly as he brought his arms around her and she entangled their legs together. He reached over for the flashlight quickly, switching it off and casting it aside before shutting the drawer and hurrying out of the master bedroom.

He made the brisk walk to his room across the hall and locked his door behind him, trying to even out his breathing as he approached his desk and searched around until he unearthed a pair of scissors. Carefully, he held the photo up to the dim light of his desk lamp and began cutting it in half so that his image could be discarded.

His tall, two-dimensional figure wilted to the floor as he made the final snip. Now all that remained in the frame was Briar, and he began cursing himself internally while he took a seat in his chair and held up the picture underneath the lamp so all the light would cascade onto the laminated paper. He breathed in and out, rubbing his hands over his thighs as to mitigate the perspiration that started breaking out on his palms. Shit. This was fucked up, wasn't it? He couldn't possibly be even contemplating doing——

Before he could think properly, his hand ghosted over the hardness that had developed while he looked at the photo and he shuddered, swallowing dryly as he glanced down at himself. He shuffled in his seat as if that would help dissipate the white hot coil in his core that was threatening to unspool already if he didn't do something. He hissed, leaning his head back and staring up at the ceiling. Maybe, just maybe, if he didn't watch himself, it'd make all of this easier.

Sebastian's hands unzipped his pants, and he kept his gaze locked on the ceiling fan that spun around and around as he felt some of the pressure release. He let out a relieved sigh under his breath while moving his pants further down to under his knees. His hesitance manifested physically; his fingertips skating over his lower stomach, where all the heat was compacted, only worsening the throbbing sensation that was beginning to overtake everything beneath the thin fabric of his boxers. Slowly, he sunk a hand into his underwear and slammed his eyes shut as his nimble fingers fastened around himself. He paused for a moment, feeling his heartbeat escape from his chest and instead migrate to his cock that now felt like it was pulsating against him. Fuck. This was bad. This was so bad. But he couldn't stop after he felt the first pang, beginning to stroke himself with ease at first so he didn't bust immediately.

He kept this up for a while, wanting to eradicate some of the pain that had multiplied ever since leaving the master bedroom, but he couldn't quite let himself reach the edge —— rather, he needed more out of himself eventually. He cracked his eyes open halfway, staring up at the ceiling that appeared as if it were spinning in his haze, and finally looked down to the photo of Briar he had propped up on his desk. He breathed in sharply as his strokes began picking up speed and his mouth went dry. She was always so beautiful, how was that possible? He felt like there had never been a bad photo taken of her ever. Certainly not any of the ones he'd seen. Hazel orbs scanning her shape that was mostly hidden by the blue ceremonial gown she wore, he closed his eyes once more so that he could envision her in front of him rather than existing solely in a still frame.

She was there, in the midnight behind his eyes, dressed the same and adorning a devious grin that only made him harden more in his closed fist. His brows twitched as there, right where she stood, she began undoing the buttons on the gown one by one. He watched as she exposed her neck, then shoulders and collarbone, and he could feel water accumulate under his tongue as he thought about licking the salt from the heat off her, hearing her labored breathing as he lowered himself to where he could grasp onto her breasts and squeeze them between his fingers just to solicit the melody of her moans echoing in his ears.

Next, she shrugged the gown off entirely, the fabric pooling at her ankles as she came in closer to him. He hadn't realized how much he'd picked up his pace the clearer her image became in his mind, not until she had fully approached him and he could almost feel the warmth of her touch on him. Instead he had to make do with her lookalike staring up at him with doe eyes and silently pleading for him to finish.

"Bri," he moaned aloud. He'd hardly heard himself, blood rushing violently in his head and making him the slightest bit faint as a result. Behind his eyes she grinned widely at him and lowered herself onto her knees. He worked himself faster, imagining her pink lips stretching around the width of his cock and her tongue flattening itself on the head, where all the tension had remained as he neared the edge. It was no where close to the real thing, but he could definitely manage with this. "Fuck, I miss you."

If only he could hear what he was saying, then he'd really have a cause for embarrassment and shame. Instead he was fully invested in the fantasy taking place in his mind's eye. Her head bobbed back and forth as she sunk all of him into her mouth and even her throat, where he squeezed himself to simulate the tightness. All he could release now were a string of moans, mostly gibberish with the exception of Briar's name. He wished so deeply she was there with him, in any capacity, but it wouldn't hurt if he could have her spread out on his bed and whimpering beneath him, trembling with pleasure and whispering his name instead, like he'd been picturing for almost the entire time they were apart. The guilt sunk like a stone in his stomach but it didn't make ripples as much as the finish that was brewing beneath the surface.

Eventually, he could feel the pleasure overwhelm him, and at the very last second he opened his eyes and glanced down at the photo of Briar, where he promptly witnessed his come splatter onto it as he moaned out while spilling over.

Something dropped heavy in him, not just the mind-blowing orgasm that rattled through him, reorganizing his molecules, and it’s not the white noise, white noise, white noise. It’s her hands on his chest, the way there is only her and then nothing, and he's diving into it deeper and deeper. Fuck, it just goes on, and when he knew he physically couldn't have more semen to empty, he kept coming.

His eyes fluttered open, and the come hit his chest and stomach, warm and wet, oozing white. It’s all white.

He'd never known why it was called a little death. Suddenly, he did.

[godlyheathens]

2023 books ☁️

january:

1. arlindo — 5 ⭐️

2. não olhe para mim — 4 ⭐️

3. tiger honor — 4 ⭐️

4. red, white and whole — 5 ⭐️ + ♥️

5. a brush with love — 2,5 ⭐️

6. violet made of thorns — 2,5 ⭐️

7. the dead romantics — 3 ⭐️

8. self-made boys — 4 ⭐️

9. mr. perfect on paper — 3 ⭐️

10. unseelie — 4 ⭐️

11. unfamiliar — 3,5 ⭐️

12. destiny's surrender — 4 ⭐️

13. destiny's captive — 3,5 ⭐️

14. the worst woman in london — 4 ⭐️

15. forbidden — 3 ⭐️

february:

1. taco bout love — 3 ⭐️

2. the fraud squad — 2,5 ⭐️

3. highly suspicious and unfairly cute — 4,5 ⭐️

4. songs of vice — 3 ⭐️

5. for her consideration — 3,5 ⭐️

6. to catch an heiress — 2 ⭐️

7. better than fiction — 3,5 ⭐️

8. a thousand hearbeats — 1,5 ⭐️

9. hard feelings — 2 ⭐️

10. exes and o's — 3,5 ⭐️

11. wait for it — 4 ⭐️

12. the border keeper — 3 ⭐️

13. breathless — 2,5 ⭐️

14. mooncakes — 4 ⭐️

15. tempest — 3,5

16. wild rain — 3,5 ⭐️

17. roda gigante — 3,5 ⭐️

march:

1. full exposure — 2,5 ⭐️

2. bitter medicine — 3,5 ⭐️

3. the bodyguard — 4 ⭐️

4. the lost apothecary — 3,5 ⭐️

5. the midnight lie — 3,5 ⭐️

6. i love you so mochi — 3,5

7. how to win a breakup — 4,5 ⭐️

8. never kiss your roommate — 2,5 ⭐️

9. the care and feeding of waspish widows — 3 ⭐️

10. to catch a raven — 3,5 ⭐️

11. perfect on paper — 4 ⭐️

12. a closed and commom orbit — 4 ⭐️

13. la différence invisible — 4 ⭐️

april:

1. azedo — 2,5 ⭐️

2. something spectacular — 3 ⭐️

3. to sir, with love — 3 ⭐️

4. dracula — 3 ⭐️

5. the gossip games — 2,5 ⭐️

6. flowerheart — 3 ⭐️

7. a prayer from the crown‐shy — 4 ⭐️

8. assassin's apprentice — 4 ⭐️

9. the fine print — 2 ⭐️

10. take a hint, dani brown — 3 ⭐️

11. stars collide — 4 ⭐️

12. untethered sky — 4 ⭐️

13. dreams bigger than heartbreak — 4 ⭐️

14. happy place — 3 ⭐️

15. promises stronger than darkness — 4 ⭐️

16. heartless prince — 4 ⭐️

may:

1. playing for keeps — 3,5 ⭐️

2. breakup, makeup — 4 ⭐️

3. the problem with perfect — 3 ⭐️

4. nick & charlie — 3,5 ⭐️

5. you dont have a shot — 4 ⭐️

6. chlorine — 3 ⭐️

7. yellowface — 4 ⭐️

8. her good side — 3,5 ⭐️

9. garotas (im)perfeitas — 3,5 ⭐️

10. jana goes wild — 3 ⭐️

11. single dads club — 3 ⭐️

12. livre pra recomeçar — 3 ⭐️

13. one to watch — 3 ⭐️

14. the matchmaker — 4 ⭐️

15. chasing pacquiao — 2 ⭐️

16. jasmine and jake rock the boat — 4 ⭐️

17. the last tale of the flower bride — 2,5 ⭐️

18. delicates — 4 ⭐️

june

1.heartstaker — 3,5 ⭐️

2. todas as nossas meias-noites — 2,5 ⭐️

3. até o último floco de neve — 4 ⭐️

4. the love theorem — 2,5 ⭐️

5. o auto da maga josefa — 3,5 ⭐️

6. finders keepers — 2,5 ⭐️

7. the songs you've never heard — 3 ⭐️

8. legends and lattes — 4 ⭐️

9. no cooldown for love — 2,5 ⭐️

10. pageboy — 5 ⭐️

11. querida penelope — 4 ⭐️

12. playing for keeps — 3 ⭐️

13. you've been served — 3 ⭐️

14. timekeeper — 3,5 ⭐️

15. payback's a witch — 4 ⭐️

16. the girls ive been — 4 ⭐️

17. o nome dela é sophia — 3 ⭐️

18. como se fosse fanfic — 2,5 ⭐️

19. late to the party — 4 ⭐️

20. lose you to find me — 3 ⭐️

21. riley weaver needs a date to the gaybutante ball — 3 ⭐️

22. just as you are — 3,5 ⭐️

23. venom & vow — 3 ⭐️

24. chef's kiss — 3,5 ⭐️

july

northanger abbey — 4 ⭐️

kismat connection — 3 ⭐️

the only purple house in town — 2,5 ⭐️

os padrinhos — 3 ⭐️

mariposa vermelha — 4,5 ⭐️

scandalized — 1 ⭐️

love at first site — 4 ⭐️

princess princess — 4 ⭐️

chef's choice — 4 ⭐️

the invisible library — 2 ⭐️

the ex talk — 3,5 ⭐️

bear with me now — 2 ⭐️

lights — 4,5 ⭐️

boas maneiras — 3 ⭐️

confetti realms — 2 ⭐️

agust

a hollywood ending — 3 ⭐️

role playing — 4 ⭐️

to have and to heist — 3,5 ⭐️

curves for day — 2,5 ⭐️

this winter — 4 ⭐️

a master of djinn — 4,5 ⭐️

café majestic — 3,5 ⭐️

sign of the slayer — 3,5 ⭐️

brynn and sebastian hate each other — 2 ⭐️

cuckoos three — 4 ⭐️

september

the unmaking of them — 3,5 ⭐️

the second chance hotel — 3,5 ⭐️

sister of the bride — 4 ⭐️

her radiant curse — 4 ⭐️

witch king — 3 ⭐️

hell followed with us — 4 ⭐️

others were emeralds — 4 ⭐️

little thieves — 4 ⭐️

the spirit bares its teeth — 4,5 ⭐️

some kind of blunderful — 3 ⭐️

lies and other love languages — 2 ⭐️

glitch — 3,5 ⭐️

the sun and the star — 4 ⭐️

cleat cute — 4 ⭐️

of dreams and destiny — 3 ⭐️

the borrow a boyfriend club — 4 ⭐️

they hate each other — 4 ⭐️

forged by blood — 2 ⭐️

percy jackson and the chalice of the gods — 4 ⭐️

operação paddock — 4 ⭐️

[twoblueheartslocked]

SEBLAINE- PRESENT DAY (Mid October/Year 1)-No Stopping Your Plans (And Those Slow Hands)

Para: No Stopping Your Plans (And Those Slow Hands)

Pairing: Seblaine.

Rating: NC-17

Sebastian: @colorsicantsee 

Blaine: @twoblueheartslocked

Time: Year One: Present Day. Second week of October- Six weeks  after It’s Supposed to Be Fun Turning Twenty-One. 

Location:  Sebastian’s Apartment- Manhattan, New York

Info: Blaine helps Sebastian with some studying. Things don’t go as planned- or do they?

Warnings; please read: This para is sex/smut with plot. (Bottom Blaine for this one.) -Mentions themes of alcohol addiction, recovery discussion, depression/anxiety, past (physical, mental, and sexual) and mentions of past unwanted sexual advances while under the influence of alcohol. -This RP in general has themes of past abuse (physical, mental and sexual), previous unwanted sexual situations, anxiety, depression, negative body image, drug use, alcohol use, cussing, and death(parents).

Extra Warnings: (This RP is not Kurt Hummel friendly. He is not a nice man at all. Never will be in this RP. You’ve all been warned.)

Title Taken From:  Slow Hands- Niall Horan

Under Cut for content.  

As usual, the para is mostly unedited.

 (Fingertips putting on a show-

Can't you tell that I want you, baby)

 Blaine’s POV:

The windows in Sebastian’s  apartment were open and an early Autumn breeze was pressing tickling kisses all over their skin, leaving little trains of goosebumps in their wake. Blaine had brought over candles in an array of Autumnal fragrances which included pumpkin, fresh apples and morning air. Blaine didn’t know how they managed to mix a crisp fall morning into the wax, but the apartment smelled like one of his favorite seasons, and for the first time in over four years he was allowed to enjoy it without Kurt’s special brand of soft spoken ridicule.

 He’d stolen one of Sebastian’s Columbia hoodies  and while the light blue suited Sebastian much better, Blaine was more than happy to wear it, feeling all the more closer to his boyfriend for having done so. He was so goddamn comfortable and it freaked him out how much his guard was down with Sebastian even after all they’d been through the last ten months. But, he clung to it and held it closer to his chest than he’d ever held anything before. Soot’s pitch fur ruffled, of course she came to stay the weekend with him,  as a particularly powerful gust of refreshing air gusted through the room. She stretched before settling back down to loaf behind them on the sofa.

While the apartment was still a bit too big and bare for Blaine, the room had a new permanent coolness since Seb let him open the windows and Blaine loved everything about the way the day felt, but Sebastian shivered against him which was just as well as it gave Blaine an excuse to snuggle even closer, as if possible, to his boyfriend. The both of them trusting each other with touch in an almost natural  way that neither one of them had experienced in a long time. It was almost easy to forget how much had happened with Sebastian in the last month. Almost.

Sebastian, the man that never needed or wanted any help, had since talked to a therapist about his mental health. He’d gone to talk about the bad places he’d been- the dark halls and rooms, the men, the consensual ones and those that were more blurred lines. He’d gone to talk about alcohol and drugs and self destruction. He was learning to let out the things he kept bottled up to even Blaine. Plus, he had been to three meetings- A Beginner's Meeting where he was able to get acquainted with how it all worked, and two Closed Meetings where Blaine had to let him go in alone  and trust him enough to get through it all by himself. Of course,  Blaine had held his hand before and after each one, and whispered how proud he was of him before sending him off. He wished so hard he could hold his hand through the duration of them but he understood why he was made to sit in the hall. His hands clasped on his lap, nervously picking at the callous’ on his thumb. 

Sebastian only spoke about his progress he’d made with his therapist and group leader with Blaine, his mother, Sabine and his best friend, Hunter. And when he spoke he was selective about what he shared, which  Blaine understood. It was his journey, Blaine was just support. Seb had still not reached out to Thomas, his father- and it didn’t appear that he would break that thick panel of ice anytime soon. He still turned stony and distant if Blaine brought it up, almost like he thought that Blaine was taking Thomas’ side. Blaine was not at all- he knew Thomas had been wrong to call and reprimand Seb when he’d been doing so well at the time and he knew it was partly Thomas’ fault that Sebastian fell so hard and hurt himself after. Of course he also knew Sebastian was his own worst enemy and that he needed help to get his life back into his control. He needed an outlet, something to help with his depression, his anxiety and his urge to drink himself into oblivion when pushed down.

Blaine’s  boyfriend took his new quest to recovery so quietly, almost silently and so goddamn softly- as if he was afraid of it. He took it with gentle, almost tentative looks that seemed to ask Blaine, ‘Am I doing okay, B? Please, tell me I am.’  And Blaine, for his part, did his best to show Sebastian that he was doing so fucking well. And Blaine meant it, he knew how hard it was to work on yourself and overcome things that felt out of your control. He knew how much of a struggle it was to heal bone deep anguish. He knew he couldn’t pour from an empty cup, but Blaine gave everything  he had for both of them to feel better. Still Blaine wanted more than anything to know what was going on inside Sebastian’s head when things got too quiet. 

All of that had brought them today- a perfect day in an imperfect world. A day where Blaine was less than two weeks away from his twenty-second birthday and for once that didn’t bring him as much anxiety as it had the last four years. A day where he was comfortable and Sebastian was still and calm next to him as he worked on homework. New medicine had brought on a new awareness that enabled Sebastian to work harder and focus better on his studies than he ever could before.

Blaine watched as Sebastian tucked his bottom lip between his teeth and sucked gently on the plump flesh as he concentrated on his slim laptop, his green eyes darting over words that Blaine didn’t have a chance of really understanding no matter how much he pretended he was helping the other man study. Times like this Blaine couldn’t take his eyes away from Sebastian- when he was still and deep in thought and god, he was fucking beautiful in his concentration. All at once Blaine needed to kiss him, needed to feel that bottom lip against his own teeth, felt like he might go a bit crazy if he didn’t. 

He didn’t want to jar Seb out of his mindfulness, he understood all too well how upsetting it could be to be touched when you didn’t want it or weren't expecting it, so he took a note from Seb’s book and wiggled his fingers gently in front of Seb’s face to get him looking at him. As soon as green met gold in question he took initiative and let his waving fingers slide gently against Sebastian’s smooth jaw and drew the two of them close, hesitating for a moment to silently  ask for permission. When Seb’s lips parted, intrigued and with a quiet rush of breath, Blaine knew it was a go ahead. He all but melted against Sebastian as he pressed his lips against his boyfriend’s. He sighed, the feeling of Seb’s mouth open and willing just for him exactly what he needed and he deepened the kiss, his tongue seeking and sliding against Sebastian’s and he could feel the fire between them slide down his body to pool in intimate places before resting in his toes, making them curl against the cool hardwood floor. 

Kissing Sebastian was one of his very favorite things and he’d never tire of the slip, slide and tangle their mouths. He wasn’t sure how long he lapped at Sebastian's lips and teeth, but by the time he forced himself to pull away he was breathless and everything felt tighter. It was a struggle to act nonchalant like he didn’t just interrupt Sebastian’s studies with something so intimate,  and even harder to speak. He barely managed.

“Mm, sorry.”

He  knew what he’d done, but of course he wasn’t going to let on that he knew even though Sebastian could fucking read him like his favorite book. He fought a smile, and shifted a bit in his seat to relieve some of the new tightness in his body.

“No more interruptions, I promise. I know you need this stuff  for economics.”

Sebastian’s POV:

The air was cold in the apartment which kept Sebastian alert. Blaine had asked to open the windows to let in the autumn breeze and he obliged. He wasn’t a fan of the weather turning, but Blaine was enamored with the orange and brown leaves on the ground and the heat of pumpkin lattes in his hands and he couldn’t help but soften towards the season. Blaine had made the trek to his apartment with candles and his little black cat and Sebastian thought of teenage witches and whimsey. He was sure the thought would make Blaine smile, maybe he would tell him later. 

Seb had told Blain that he needed to study and his boyfriend understood and sat snuggled into his side in one of his old hoodies. He liked how Columbia blue looked on the other man’s olive skin. Sebastian wanted him to keep it, to wear it when he felt lonely or scared, and to hold him close like a lover’s locket. 

The past weeks had been exhausting. Seb thought that going to therapy and getting better would be an easier experience than it was but it was messy and tiring. He practiced his restraint in silence, spilled his guts to a lady in an office, and cried over paper cups of coffee in a circle of folding chairs. Of course he had a select few he could talk to, and he did sometimes. Sebastian had to remind himself he wasn’t a burden and old habits liked to hang on like the last dead leaf on a branch, and he didn’t want to pile his shit on anybody. Sebastian often felt like maybe he wasn’t doing the whole healing thing right but B was there with his gentle presence and he didn’t have to speak it, he knew he had him. 

Their day tucked into the couch was a welcome respite for both of them. Seb’s laptop was cradled on his lap as he read over his notes. Blaine’s body heat felt nice against him and made it a little distracting. The subject matter he was studying was terribly boring and the other man didn’t realize how enticing he could be, even when he wasn’t doing anything. Seb could smell the spicy aroma of his cologne and saw his hips when he raised his arms to stretch, the hoodie sliding up just enough. So when Blaine gently got his attention and slowly kissed him, it was a very welcome distraction. 

When B leaned away from the kiss Sebastian’s lips followed like a magnet, “I think I need an interruption.” Blaine was right, sure. He needed to study. But, it was still early in the day, surely he could find time later.

“It’s important to take study breaks,” he smiled a slow mischievous smile and went in for another kiss. Sebastian’s hands found their  way to gently sit on either side of his boyfriend’s neck, a place only he had the blessing to touch. He could feel Blaine’s pulse quicken underneath his fingertips as they slowly kissed and pressed into each other closer. Sebastian’s lips trailed as far as he could reach until the hoodie stopped him. His hands tugged on the soft fabric, “You could keep it on," He murmured against his boyfriend’s jawline, he loved the way his budding five o clock shadow felt on his lips.

 Blaine’s POV:

It still amazed Blaine that anytime he wanted attention or intimacy all he had to do was ask for it, whether verbally or with kisses. Sebastian just gave it to him- even when he was tired or strained or working. His boyfriend would  kiss him back and it’d lead to something more or he’d snuggle up to Blaine and nuzzle into his neck when they were too sleepy or stressed to do much more. He couldn’t get over how different everything was for him now. 

He had spent so long made to believe that his overwhelming need for physical contact and want for affection was distasteful, shamefully attention seeking, and annoying. It was simply tolerated, then mocked, and finally flat out rejected. Even in high school when things had actually been good with Kurt and him for a moment, Kurt always seemed slightly irked if Blaine lingered too long or touched too boldly and Blaine couldn’t imagine ever interrupting Kurt’s work when they lived together, he’d have been reprimanded or worse. But now? Now he could interrupt Sebastian all he wanted and it was welcomed like it was a gift instead of a burden. 

He still had moments where he’d get nervous and his touches would be too tentative at first, but Sebastian always soothed those nerves instantly and Blaine couldn’t get enough of it. How had he gone so long living the way he lived with his abuser? It ate him up to think about and yet didn’t matter anymore. Now Sebastian was looking at him like he wanted to drink him up and his beautiful hands were ever so gently touching his neck. A spot just a year ago that would have sent Blaine into a tailspin of panic if anyone dared touched. His heart fluttered and his breath hitched and he needed more. Wanted to feel those hands all over him, god he’d do anything to keep Sebastian looking at him like that.

“Yeah, breaks are so important…” His  voice was soft as he trailed off as Sebastian’s lips turned into that smile that promised trouble, the one that made Blaine double take and blush on the day they met and made his heart beat faster than he thought possible. And then he was being kissed again and Sebastian’s lips and tongue were sliding against the pulse point in his neck, just above his sweatshirt and Blaine felt like he might just float away. He was so lost in the feeling that he almost missed the other man's words, thank god he didn’t.

Keep it on? Oh god… 

A shiver of absolute want ran through his body over the images of Sebastian on him, hands tangled in  his shirt, moving him where he wanted while he fucked over ane over into Blaine- the friction would rub and sting so nicely as the hoodie hitched up around his ribcage and under his back… Images of Blaine pressing Sebastian down and fucking into him slow and deep as Seb’s fingers clung to his shirt so he wouldn’t fall back, his legs spread wide for Blaine as he thrust into him slow and deep. Fuck.  

He wanted to feel the burn of the cloth against his skin, wanted it to leave its mark and  god… How far he had come to actually want something like that. The thought of either scenario made him so achingly hard that the neediest, softest moan escaped his lips and all at once he was god damn desperate to feel Seb’s body on or under him.

Gently Blaine took the laptop from his boyfriend's lap and he closed it before setting it down on the end table.  He could see now that Sebastian was just as hard through his sweats. Blaine reached out and let his fingers slip into the band of Seb’s pants, relishing for a second that his boyfriend rarely wore underwear, he let his fingers encircle Sebastian’s cock, sighed at its heaviness against his fingers. He rested his head against the other man's shoulder and stroked him almost lazily for a moment, enjoying the fact that he had done this, he’d made Sebastian this hard. He enjoyed the little noises Sebastian was making for him, and again it amazed him just how responsive and accepting Sebastian was of his affections.

He lifted his head and withdrew his hand, his fingers instantly missing the way Seb’s cock felt and fit, but it was okay for now as he’d feel it again soon. He lifted himself from the couch, sliding one leg over Seb’s lap until he was up and straddling the other man's hips, Seb’s cock so hard against his. He looked down at Sebastian, his eyes sliding over the part of his lips, his boyfriend’s teeth just slightly showing, his tongue just barely visible like he wanted to ask for something, but Blaine’s lips had already found their way back to Sebastian’s and he licked into his mouth again, the slide and slips of lips and tongues just a bit more dirty this time.  He rolled his hips into the other man, gasping a little, the thin fabrics allowing him to feel Seb against him almost completely. He  tangled his fingers into Sebastian’s hair and pulled so that he could tilt his head back and cradle his face in his arms- making the other man look up at him. Blaine’s voice was stilted, and his own question excited him in a way he couldn’t understand yet.

“You’d like that, huh?” 

His hips humped slowly into Sebastian, whishing that they were the type to hide condoms in living room end table drawers so that they could fuck right here with the Autumn breeze and candles around them. They weren’t yet but maybe one day they would be. Then  Blaine was surprised by himself again- Surprised by this man, the one that asked for sex and wanted to do filthy things with his person. He was so new to Blaine. And yet, he kind of remembered him from long ago. His breath was hot against Seb’s lips as he panted out between hip rolls what he wanted. 

“Come show me then…”

 Sebastian’s POV:

Sebastian bit his lip and let go of a deep breath he didn’t know he had been holding as Blaine’s hand slipped under the band of his sweats. Time felt like it stopped anytime the other man’s adept hands touched his skin. Blaine had lyrical hands, you could feel years of musicality etched into them and they played Sebastian like his most loved instrument. The other man touched him with promises of what was to come and Seb felt like he didn’t have the will to wait much longer. He needed Blaine in his bed, needed to be skin to skin, needed Blaine’s low voice in his ear. 

And then his boyfriend was in his lap and they were kissing and rutting against each other like they used to in his parents basement in their stolen moments. Sebastian loved when Blaine felt confident and comfortable and uninhibited like this. He could feel the other man’s breath against his lips, could feel how hard he was, his hands gripped his hips. Sebastian just nodded when the other man spoke, it wasn’t the time for words. It was time for him to worship Blaine in the best way that he could. 

He wasn’t sure who stood up first or who started undressing who, how the lube and condoms ended up in his hands but it didn’t matter. Sebastian had Blaine pressed into the bed, still in his hoodie, his naked legs splayed on either side of his hips. He liked how the fabric felt against his naked chest, loved the thought of being all over his boyfriend like this. 

Seb looked into Blaine’s eyes as he pressed into him. He moaned and held himself up on his elbow, his other hand gripped B’s jaw gently. 

“Keep your eyes on me.”

He pressed into Blaine over and over again and he could feel his thighs shake against his hips, he had to control himself, could have fallen over the edge from just that. He was beautiful, his curly hair mussed by the pillows, his mouth open with little moans, musical and perfect to Seb’s ears.

“You’re so fucking perfect.” 

 Blaine’s POV:

It was almost as if time didn’t exist in times like this. Times when they were just so in sync it was hard to tell where one of them ended and the other began. He wasn't even sure how he’d ended up almost naked and under Sebastian but he knew without a doubt that that is where he needed to be.

He just  lost himself. His voice was too needy, too loud. He could cry with it all. It was like he couldn’t breathe with how much desire was rolling through his body.  He did as he was told and kept his eyes on Seb, a thrill passed through him from Seb’s gentle demand and his strong slender fingers on his jaw and Blaine could do nothing but drink the sight of Sebastian covering him and thrusting into his body,  could do nothing but cling to him tightly as he could. 

His legs were quivering and spread and his knees were bent and god he was so fucking open for Sebastian. He couldn’t recall ever being this open before. He wanted to beg him to take what he wanted from him. Wanted him to fuck him until he couldn’t take it anymore. Everything was slick and smooth and the sounds filling the room were filthy and sweet and he would swear he could taste the music in the air. He felt like he might float away. His face scrunched like he was in pain, but overwhelming pleasure rolled through him in waves. The hoodie twisted, aching around his ribs and god he felt every inch so fucking much. 

It was still bright in the room and he was letting Sebastian fuck him on top of the covers and he was so exposed and for once he didn’t care. He wanted to go on like this forever. Wanted to hold on so it could last longer and yet…. He was overwhelmed with sensations and feelings and Seb's admission of Blaine being perfect, imagine that, tipped him over and he fell, fell fell. Seb's name a dirty, delicious moan on his lips, begging him to catch him- begging him to keep going. But he was left a whimpering, aching mess as he held tight to his boyfriend and hoped he just knew he could have it all still.  He usually much preferred to be in control, but sometimes he just needed it like this. Needed to be taken over. Needed that sore fullness. And it seemed Seb sometimes needed Blaine like this too. It was a big deal to him that he was able to succumb after all he’d been through and that Sebastian just knew.

As his eyes searched out Seb’s he wanted nothing more than to tell Sebastian that he was the perfect one, wanted to tell him he was everything, but he was still falling and all he managed once their eyes connected was a sigh and the softest expression,

“...love you.”

It didn't fit with what they were doing, or maybe it did- either way Blaine couldn’t imagine not telling Seb right then how he felt, it didn’t matter if he already knew a thousand times over. He needed him to know right now, at this perfect moment.

 Sebastian’s POV:

Sebastian loved this. He had never been so natural as he was when he was with Blaine. Even when they were kids, B had a way of getting him to let go of any inhibitions he had, and nothing had changed. They clicked, they always had. They had a magnetism that nobody else could ever match, the type of shit poets wrote about, what the best love songs tried to capture. Things just worked, they didn’t need to fulfill any specific rolls or worry about anything when it was just them. They moved together and fit perfectly. 

He knew he wasn’t going to outlast Blaine by much. Sebastian knew what Blaine wanted, they knew how to speak without any words. He held on tight to the other man as he fell apart in his arms, his breath hot and his skin satisfyingly sweaty. Sebastian could feel his boyfriend’s legs shake around him, could tell he was sensitive with every little moan after every thrust. 

“Love you too….”

Suddenly, his hips had a mind of their own as he let go. The two of them held each other and B ran circles over his back as his hips stuttered and he tried to catch his breath.  After a few moments of breathing and holding one another after he had removed himself gently from B, Sebastian chuckled and nuzzled into Blaine’s neck. He hummed a happy sound into his warm skin and he could smell the remnants of raspberry in his hair. God, this is what he lived for. It was enough to just bask in the other man’s glow, it felt like the sun hanging high in July or hearing his favorite song for the first time.

“That was nice.”  

 Blaine’s POV:

Blaine loved watching Sebastian fall apart. Loves feeling the shudder and the sigh and the way he just sort of let himself go and melts into him- like Seb just knows he’s got it like that, because he does,  and that Blaine will hold him through it, because he will. He holds him close and strokes the back of his neck as Sebastian comes down and joins him in the afterglow. He loves this part almost as much as what came before.

Blaine blushed deep and let out a laugh because nice is an understatement but his laugh quickly turns to this raw  emotion and a wave of happy tears threaten to overtake him and he has to hide his face against Seb’s chest to hide them from the other man and maybe himself. He had truly never been that open before and he knew he would have been embarrassed over all of his whimpers and writhing if not for the way Sebastian was looking down at him. Like he loved him more than anything. Like he was some precious thing. Blaine was the most exposed-mentally and physically, and yet he’d never felt safer than he did right now with Sebastian around him.

After so much fear with Kurt of ridicule and pain, and the fear of triggering himself if he let go- tonight felt like a long time coming. It felt like he’d been waiting to let go like this forever yet he hadn't known. He was the same man that some six months ago had called his boyfriend to ask him if he could talk to him through touching himself properly. The same man that clutched blankets over his naked body like a life support- the one that was terrified of feeling the shamed way he felt with Kurt.  He was proud of himself for just letting things happen the way they were meant to happen here. And perhaps he might still tense up or prefer to be less exposed and more protected by blankets, but tonight Sebastian’s warm body, and the chill of the Autumn wind from the open windows felt like the safest covers. 

As he lets himself lie there, wrapped up in his second safest space with his beautiful, damaged but recovering boyfriend he wonders if it could possibly get any better than this one moment. They’d hardly been back together a year yet and so much could happen so he knew he should relax, but look how much they’d been through together in ten months…  he treasured it all- the highs and the lows. He wanted to voice everything all at once to Sebastian, he wanted to tell him he was proud of the two of them, tell him how good he felt right now, maybe do something that might lead to Blaine getting to flip them over and lead to explore the gorgeous  inches of his boyfriend's body… Yet he still felt so overwhelmed and too many things were rushing through his mind as lie snuggled against Sebastian so he settles for a simple statement instead,

“So nice.” He lets himself snuggle closer still to Seb.

“So, I’ve decided I’m gonna keep this shirt, okay? Okay.”

 Sebastian’s POV:

Sebastian stretched his body and reveled in the afterglow with Blaine. The two of them kept kissing and smiling into each other’s mouths, their sighs and the sound of the breeze coming through the window were the only  noises in the cacophony of the city that mattered. He never thought he would find so much satisfaction in pillow talk or even be lucky enough to share in aftercare. The two of them always had each other. B always knew what Sebastian needed and he hoped he did the same for him. 

He wrapped his arms tighter around the other man’s clothed back and pressed a kiss to the side of his head. He laughed a little when Blaine replied. Did he really believe for one second that Sebastian would ever want the hoodie back? Of course he didn’t. He wanted him to keep of it and think of how his body felt on top of him, how the scent of his cologne would linger on the shirt like the touch of their hot skin. 

“Good. Wouldn’t have it any other way.”

Sebastian described all the ways he wanted to see his boyfriend in the shirt and all the ways he wanted him to feel wearing it. He hoped that Blaine felt beautiful and wanted and sexy and all the good things that he deserved to feel. 

Their talking led to kissing which led to some more fooling around. Their time bled into a small nap wrapped around one another. They woke up during twilight, the street lights in the neighborhood were starting to pop on and paint the sidewalk in circles of orange. Sebastian ordered them Chinese food and they sat in bed and ate with a trashy reality show on in the background as they laughed and talked and Soot snuck pieces of chicken. If only all study sessions could end this way.

/tbc. 

[sebbyhd]

'i was told that a warm meal heals the soul'

– food for the heart self-para

Sebastian didn’t always have a good relationship with food, or rather, he had a rather complicated one with it, in fact. Staring at this piece of paper in front of him with ingredients would have filled him with hollowness, and incomprehensible dread if he was much younger, still a child and living in England. His grandparents would always tell him that food was important, more than the calories being eaten, it replenished the soul, and sharing it with those who were loved was a sure-fire way to boost the mood, and fill the heart with warmth. Now, he could say he understood, but it wasn’t always like that. He’d like to think of his life split into two parts. Before his parents, and after them. The time before was filled with heavy memories, not many of them were any good. The only time he had a smile on his face while thinking about his time spent with his parents was when he was thinking of his grandparents as well. Memory was a fragile sort of thing, subjective. Sometimes, Sebastian wondered if any of it did happen, or it was just a fever dream. did he concoct it all up in his mind, and none of it was any true?

Was it a mistake to want to cook this dish for his grandparents, and bring forth better memories?

It’s easy to slip back into the past. It wasn’t that long ago since he had left Europe to come to South Korea. When was the last time he had eaten with his parents? Oh- right. A few weeks before he came out.

He always had an interest in cooking. It seemed interesting, fun. He loved watching the maids in the kitchen prepping the food, taking out the knives and utensils. It was almost hypnotising in a way. He knew from a young age that he wanted to be involved with the whole process, and maybe it was his young brain trying to create connections with those he spent the most time with. He was surrounded more by his maids and butlers than he was with his parents. He wanted to be close to them, help them around the house instead of being confined in his room all day, doing homework and schoolwork, trying to be the best son his parents had wanted him to be. It was tiring, emotionally, and psychologically, and it wasn’t fun. He was so small, and just wanted to move a little, and maybe do something more interesting. He could remember how nervous he was when he approached one of his caregivers, asking if he could help them with chores, and maybe help them cook dinner. He got a soft smile at the question, and they were more than happy to show him the ropes. Sebastian vividly remembered the feeling of being able to touch the vegetables and fruits before slowly cutting them with a knife, his nanny peering over him, helping him steady his grip and curl in his fingers as he chopped. He was just about six years old by then. It became nearly a ritual after that first day. Whenever he came back from school, he would help in secret until his parents came back from work, and they would sit around the table, and Sebastian would watch his parents take a bite of the food he created, feel pride bloom inside of him.

Of course, sometimes good things must come to an end. His parents were informed of his activities with the kitchen workers, and he was banned from ever stepping foot in there unless he was under their supervision. “Men don’t cook.” Was something they told him, pushing him to focus on “better” things, such as his schooling and homework they had given him. One of the many things they had taken away from him, he was left feeling empty. Food and eating became boring after that. Lackluster, nothing tasted as good as a meal he had helped prepare. It was bland. What was once something that filled him with warmth and made him excited, was now something that made him feel empty. Food wasn’t as interesting after that. He would watch the cooks longingly, throwing his gaze their way after school before being ushered into his room, and he vowed that the next time he had a new interest, it would be his, and it wouldn’t be stolen from him.

His grandparents saved that part of him.

They always knew what was best for him. Comforting him when he needed it the most, and showing him love and affection, they showed him just how fun cooking could be again, letting him join and help whenever he wanted, it made it easy to fall in love with the art once more. Sebastian was grateful for them. Without them, he wouldn’t be the version he currently was of himself, he would have been full of anger and hate- not that he wasn’t, but that was a memory for another time.

He steeled his heart.

Cooking for his grandparents was the best way to show his love. There was nothing better he could do, and without any doubt or regret, he did it.

[lucastheoclarington]

Self Para - Retribution

Luke was stepping out of his car, and making his way towards the dorm. The night was dark, and for once quiet. It seemed that after all the craze of the last few days, people had finally exhausted themselves, and were staying in. He was whistling softly, as he pocketed his keys. He had just been over to the town's café, to drop off his donation of old suits, blazers, ties, pants, shirts, and shoes, to Fabray's drive, something that had taken him a minute to do, due to the state of the academy the past week.

He was feeling good. He had been reconnecting with family that actually mattered to him, lately. He had also been able to care for someone that had started to become important in his life. And he was finding himself lighter than before. He heard the creaking noise of leaves under shoes just in time to turn around and catch the first punch to his face.

As he fell, he looked up and instantly recognized the four men standing above him. Before he could be piled on, he jumped back, but barely avoided the second hit, only to be caught by the third, which made his ears ring. Retribution was a bitch. He had always known he'd have to contend with this one day, but he might not have expected it in this way, or so soon. He'd actually thought they'd try and ruin him socially in some way, but perhaps he'd given the fools too much credit.

He was caught in the stomach, but managed to grab a hold of the punching arm and twist it around, knocking the other's head into one of his friend's that came running in. And then everything narrowed down to that moment. He forgot who he was, what had started it, what would happen after, all that mattered was getting through and getting out. There was blood spat and skin split, and his entire face was throbbing, as well as his knuckles, before he had done enough damage of his own to get away without being pursued.

"Shit!" He kicked a trashcan as he cursed, turning around and tugging on his hair. Even without seeing himself, he knew there was no way to cover this up. He had never wanted this to get out, as much as he wasn't ashamed. He knew beating up a group of Doms for loudly humiliating his brother among themselves at his Junior College had been the most tempered or even wisest choice, but he was not ashamed. He had tried to get them to shut up before he resorted to shutting them up himself, and he'd done it. The Clarington name was saved, though he cared little about that, and more about Hunter's, more about none of this belittling, laughing, and glee over his perceived loss of manhood getting back to him.

He was panting, as he pulled out his phone, but tried to focus, taking bigger breaths, and commanding his body to obey. He needed a game plan at least for tonight. Where was the infirmary again? He looked around but in the dark he could scarcely remember, he did remember though that the nurse was the one available 24/7. Jones. Mercede's brother.

He texted Sebastian.

[angel-theory]

Blog Introduction

Hello, my name is Sebastian/Saoirse and this is my sideblog. My main blog, featuring my Kangel persona can be found here.

This sideblog will be used for all my personal Radqueer, Fictionkin and other things that I don't think fit the aesthetic of my Kangel persona & blog.

About Me

⊹⊱✫⊰⊹ Age - Chrono 17

⊹⊱✫⊰⊹ Prns - He/she/they/heyr/hymn/🧸/♥️ (Alternation preferred)

⊹⊱✫⊰⊹ cisIDs - ASD, BPD& DPD, Szhizospec, Hypersexuality, AAM, Regressor, Fictionkin, Traumatic childhood, Parasocial

⊹⊱✫⊰⊹ trisIDs - Intersex, Plural, Irish,

⊹⊱✫⊰⊹ transIDs - Salmacian, Top surgery scars, Flat chest, Ageless, Heterochromia, Twin, Groomed, Dating, Family

⊹⊱✫⊰⊹ permaIDs - Smitten, Loved, 2016, Lockdown, Psych ward

⊹⊱✫⊰⊹ parasoIDs - Bisexual, Sourcemate,

⊹⊱✫⊰⊹ Paras - Biastophilia/raptophilia (v), Chronophilia (v&o), Odaxelagnia (v&p), infantilism (v), Somnophilia (v) (v = victim, p = perpertrator, o = observer)

⊹⊱✫⊰⊹ MUDs - Parasocial Obsessive Love Disorder, Fantasy Identity Disorder, Device Attachment Syndrome, Self-Contaning/Recurrant Deja Vu Disorder, Predatory Savior Syndrome

⊹⊱✫⊰⊹ Alter List | Kin List | Contact Stance ⊹⊱✫⊰⊹

For more info send me an ask on my Kangel blog