#secret for the mad - dodie

[magnoliasandbeardedtooth]

thinking about the relationship between sif and the universe, and related theories / headcanons aka I listened to a song and I need to get these feefees out of me

this is a lot of prelude for something that can be shown with just the video clip, but I want to include all the strings that make up this knot

Its not explicitly stated, but I believe it's pretty clear that whenever sif repeats something three times while hoping for something (sharpening the keyknife, carving in general, praying to the change god statue in dormont), he is performing wish craft.

however, he doesnt repeat anything three times when getting the keyknife. he doesnt even need to pray to get it at all, the change god just gives it to him. they say themselves that they dont care for rituals. they never even take credit for the stat buff, they only take credit for the keyknife

when sif changes how they pray at the change god statue, their method more strongly resembles the ritual to make a wish at the favor tree (picking the one you like best), and as a result the buff gets better. it is the wish craft ritual that is the important part of the prayer to that statue, not the change god

one thing that IS explicitly stated is just how powerful wish craft is for those who know the rituals, and how dangerous it is in the wrong hands. between the disappearance of colors (Im pretty sure that was the result of a wish, I may be misremembering), the disappearance of the country, and the king being nearly successful in freezing all of vaugarde in time, it only takes one wish to take out massive chunks of the world at a time

we know that wish craft is very entwined in the culture of the country (the story written about in the journal is told as a cautionary fairy tale, the rituals themselves are so deeply ingrained in sif that the wish to forget the country did not restrict his memory of the rituals, and he can perform wish craft without even being fully aware he is doing it)

it seems reasonable to me that the reason for the country's disappearance was to hide the existence of wish craft and the rituals to access that power from the rest of the world. considering sif didnt even remember his culture AND had good intentions, and still nearly ended the world, seems like that concern is pretty well founded. however, thats not the important theory Im making this post about

the country has knowledge of wish craft in conjunction with worship of the universe. "the universe leads, we can only follow," "the universe willed it," seems pretty safe to say that sif's Universe is the "entity" that is granting wishes

the way wishes are described, they dont seem like something the universe grants based on who worships it. as long as you know the ritual, you get the wish. everyone is part of the universe, after all, worshiper or not

Admittedly, its a bit of a stretch to say that the universe as a collective force has any sense of empathy for human struggles. but using the change god as an example, as spiteful as they are to sif, and unsympathetic to anything other than a human's role in the concept of change, they still show a great deal of care and favor to mira, someone who loves them. it is possible for a deity to care for those that care about it

sif, despite no longer having access to his culture or why he cares about the universe, still loves the universe, very very deeply, just as much as mira loves change. the change god says that sif's deity will never answer him, but I dont think thats the case

and this is the important headcanon that I am making this post for

sif is performing the rituals, so he gets the wishes, simple as. but I feel strongly that his wishes getting granted in very small but noticeable ways, despite not knowing how or why hes doing it, is the presence of his universe helping him, caring for him, even when he doesnt remember it

the strongest evidence for this, and the basis for this whole thing, is exactly how euphrasie breaks down in act 5

at first I only really noticed when she laughs, it reminded me very much of how the change god, a being who uses sprites of other characters and has done a whole possession, laughed during their encounter. they and euphrasie are the only two that use anything other than "ha," and right after this laugh is when her breakdown pauses and she says the lines

"... Soon you'll be able to go back to your normal lives. Away from battle and strife. Finally, you'll all be able to go home!!!"

which, knowing the end of the game is coming, is incredibly relevant. very deliberate

before this pause, her breakdown seems pretty chaotic. the characters and the player are just coming out of one harrowing experience, and are clearly headed for another. the cohesiveness of this glitchy breakdown amongst a mess of the rest of the world doing the same isnt really high up on the list of priorities. none of the characters notice anything beyond the fact that reality is breaking, not even sif. it just sounds like scary nonsense.

but with the context of euphrasie being possessed to talk to sif, every single one of her lines makes perfect sense

(footage from Zhain Gaming on yt)

the universe is there its talking directly to him, it was there the whole time

the Universe loves Sif so much

[mythsoil]

Undertale comic that I finished 5 years ago

[ratduude]

secret for the mad by dodie save me

save me secret for the mad by dodie

[voltas-do-mar]

i've got a secret for the mad in a little bit of time it won't hurt so bad and i get that i don't get it but you will burn right now / but then you won't regret it

[ask-sebastian]

I’m utterly exhausted and my body hates me, but I just couldn’t miss my favourite day of the week 💚

Hope you’re feeling better, dear!

I am feeling much better, but I am so sorry to hear you're exhausted. I hope you're able to get some rest. 🖤

[r3d3s1gn]

and one for secret for the mad by dodie

[boyduroy]

in a little bit of time it won't hurt so bad

[wip]

[pencil-to-paper]

vienna

The first time you deep cleaned your room, you stumbled through the steps

Wax cleaner on a mirror, your desk was so cluttered that your parents joked you couldn’t even see it was there

It took you a few days, but eventually you made room for homework and a plant pot

Now, you have a cleaning routine that’s become second nature

Start with the miscellaneous things - the clothes piled up on the chair, that random piece of paper you’ve been meaning to clean up

Then shelves, smaller surfaces, mirror and windows, but the honor of being second to last is reserved for the desk

Move everything off, dust, wipe, dry

Count the items you put back on one hand

Lastly, sweep the floors, go no further than the boundary of your doorway

Beyond the wooden frame there are disorganized papers, cabinets with forgotten contents, old toys that should’ve been donated years ago

Sometimes, when the boxes stacked in the living room become too much to bear, you hide in your sanctuary of white furniture and bright yellow walls, everything you’re not allowed to throw out hidden in wicker baskets and side drawers.

Imagine a future where you’re 25 with a fully developed brain and a clean kitchen. Reread those three lines on page 217, there will come a day when you too will have a small house that you can unabashedly call your own

The air free of dust, only peace and the scent of lemons

Mornings are slow but not boring, if you stay in bed another five minutes to pet your cat it’s not the end of the world

The house is warm, you can let yourself have a cup of tea before you go

In the evenings, when you come back from a day well spent, you leave your shoes and stress at the door

Go through the motions you love so deeply, daily patterns that are just flexible enough to keep you from going mad

Dance in the hallway on silent wooden floors, music as loud as you want because nobody’s asleep or working

When the weekend comes, sleep until the birds outside sing for your company

Pick berries from the garden to top your pancakes, sit and eat with your toes in the grass

You can clean or rest or create, whatever you do will be fulfilling because you chose what to devote your energy to

Look at yourself, your home, your life, and all you can say is “I love you, I love you, I love you”

[thesamestarlight]

is "little things, all the stereotypes" a reference to dodie's secret for the mad??

yes it is! i went through a phase a couple years ago where i listened to that song, like. non-stop. which. you know how that goes. (followed by a phase of “i can’t listen to this at all anymore,” is how it goes.)

but then i re-discovered it a month or two ago and i remembered why i liked it so much in the first place! i had my you-don’t-get-it era not too long ago, but you know what, i Am gonna get through this one night! there Will be a day when i can say i’m okay and mean it!!

so now i’m trying to channel that energy, haha. i’m in my little things & stereotypes & healing & What the Living Do era (or at least i’m working toward it).

anyway, the short answer was yes, it is a reference! thanks for noticing, this was fun for me :) <33

[ween-kitchens]

secret for the mad - dodie

[imissthembutitwasntadisaster]

Hate to inform you that Secret For The Mad by Dodie still kinda hits

[colorsparks]

And you think that I don’t get it,

But I burned my way through and I don’t regret it.

Dodie - Secret for the Mad

[kiragarber]

An oracle is

[My writing, The Mad Dusk // My own collage // Secrets for the Mad: Obsessions, Confessions, and Life Lessons, Dodie Clark // Arthur Eddington's photograph of the 1919 eclipse // These Days, The Black Keys // wikipedia article, Oracle // My own collage // Tiresias, Alfred Tennyson.]

[bi-bard]

dodie Songs That Would Describe a Relationship with Conner Kent - Conner Kent Imagine [HBO's Titans]

Title: dodie Songs That Would Describe a Relationship with Conner Kent

Pairing: Conner Kent X Reader

Word Count: 1,891 words

Warning(s): feelings of guilt, mention of human experimentation/death of a friend

Author's Note: I genuinely thought that I had already written about Conner but apparently not?? Alright then.

**Not intentionally written in chronological order**

---------------------

Secret For the Mad

I've got a secret for the mad In a little bit of time it won't hurt so bad And I get that I don't get it But you will burn right now but then you won't regret it

If you had told me a year ago that I would be in a mostly empty tower built for a group of superheroes while I was looking over an unconscious clone of an alien, then I would have assumed you taking some kind of drug.

But here I was, spending hour after hour with Gar in the Titan Tower, watching over the clone of Superman and Lex Luthor. The rest of the team had left. Even Dick was gone at this point.

When Conner woke up, Gar and I were still on our own. I grabbed Conner some clothes and led him back to his room while Gar insisted that he could make something decent for Conner to eat and call Bruce.

I stood next to the hospital bed with a now-dressed Conner sitting on the edge.

I had nothing I could say that would help him adjust to all of this. I told him about how he ended up in the tower. I told him about Eve having to leave for a while. I told him as much as I knew.

I saw this look on his face as everything settle in. I knew that look. I had seen it so many times in the mirror. That realization that you might be completely alone. That every part of your existence was just for someone else's benefit and entertainment.

"Hey," I said, reaching out to touch his hand. "You don't have to worry about that anymore. You're here now. No more tests or experiments or any of that. We'll keep you safe from all of it."

"How," he asked.

"However, we have to," I shrugged. "Dick and the team did it for me. I know that they'll figure out how to do it for you too."

His eyebrows furrowed at me. Well shit. Walked into more questions than I wanted to.

I took a deep breath before turning my back to him. I closed my eyes and lifted up the back of my shirt. Just enough to show off the scar running up most of my spine.

"Not quite a clone, but I was an experiment."

I felt my body tense as Conner's fingers brushed my spine. Heat crawled up the length of my neck and took over my face. It was all so strange and new and... almost intimate. He was so gentle that it almost felt loving. He didn't actually know me. I didn't actually know him. Yet, here I was, showing him what was the root of my deepest insecurities, and he was treating it like a piece of art.

I had never had anyone touch the scar other than myself. And even then, I had avoided ever letting my hand brush it. Too much of a reminder of all of my pain.

"What happened," he asked quietly.

I leaned away from his touch and pulled my shirt down again as I turned to face him again. "Like I said, I was also an experiment."

His eyebrows furrowed. I let out a sigh.

"I was in a pretty serious accident," I continued. "It was all pretty much hopeless. But then, this man came to visit my parents in the hospital. He... He offered them a miracle... if they let him perform an experimental surgery. That's what the scar is from.

"And when I woke up, there was this... issue. The doctor that performed my surgery had screwed around with something and... I was left with this artificial connection to the speed force. I'm a speedster."

I didn't know how to explain it to him in a better way.

"That boy I caught," Conner said. "You were the lightning."

"Yeah... Yeah, I was," I nodded. He was talking about Jason. My best friend that I almost failed to save.

"Are there others," he asked.

"Experiments? Yes," I replied.

That seemed to comfort him. A little bit, at least.

"I just... I want you to know that you aren't alone in all of this," I continued. "Many of us are the result of someone's twisted imagination. Doesn't make us bad. It just means that we have to try a little harder to do good."

It was a sentence that Dick had used when we first met. I remembered not really believing it. I had spent too long being treated like some kind of curse to buy such a thought. But I hoped that Conner had a little more hope than I did. A cleaner slate.

"We all figure it out in the end," I said. "That's what matters."

The grin that formed on his face made even me believe the words coming out of my mouth.

Absolutely Smitten

But it's too late Oh, I believe in fate! I'm absolutely smitten, I'll never let you go

Moving in with the Titans never felt like a permanent solution. I always shrugged it off as a temporary job before I was sent back to Gotham.

But now, I felt more at home in that tower than I had ever felt anywhere else. Even with my parents.

The news reports after our missions helped encourage that feeling a lot. They would always talk about us as such a close team. Even when one of us gave a statement- usually Kory- we weren't messy pieces of a puzzle. We were one great thing.

It was nice.

There wasn't a doubt in my mind that Conner and I were the closest in the group. Especially after Jason moved back to Gotham. I still kept in contact with him. His primary tool for avoidance was now to tease me for whatever Conner and I had going on. My primary tool of avoidance was asking about Gotham. Neither one of us made much progress.

I never intended on telling Jason that he was right. However, that plan of mine forgot to factor in that I was not the only person in charge of that timeline.

Kory had been giving a statement on the last criminal we had busted.

I was bored waiting for everyone else, so I looked over at Conner. "Race you back to the tower?"

He looked at me for a moment before grinning. "You're on."

I took off running with no warning.

However, even with my head start, Conner made it to the tower long before I did. I let out an annoyed groan when I saw him waiting by the dining table.

"I was wondering when you were going to show up," he said. "Got worried that you got lost."

"Who taught you to be a smartass," I asked. He raised an eyebrow at me. "Shut up."

I went to walk away and get changed.

"Don't I get something for winning?" Conner called as I made it to the doorway leading out of the kitchen.

I stopped, spinning on my heels to look at him. "That depends... what does Superboy want as his prize?"

He took a deep breath, looking a little more nervous. "A kiss?"

I scoffed. More out of shock than anything else. "Oh..."

"You don't have to," he immediately started to backtrack. "I just... I really like you and I... I thought... well, I was told that you might feel the same way. But if you don't, that's fine. I just-"

I walked over to him as he rambled. I leaned in and pressed my lips to his. It was quick. Just a peck before I pulled away again.

"I like you too, Conner," I said. "A lot."

"Really?"

I nodded. "Yeah."

"Good."

"Who... Who told you that I did," I asked.

"Gar," he looked down for a moment. "He said that it was... very obvious. Then, he told me to try to be bold. Did I do that?"

"I mean... I would say so," I nodded. I decided not to tell him about my plan to fight Gar for saying I was obvious. "I... I should go get changed, but we... we're gonna talk about this."

He nodded. I waved awkwardly before going to leave the room.

It was awkward, yes, but it was just the beginning of something that meant more to me than anything else I had ever experienced.

Intertwined

Intertwined Free I've pinned each and every hope on you I hope that you don't bleed with me

I hated waking up in Gotham.

It was just a constant reminder of too much. Losing Jason, having Jason come back as Red Hood, losing Hank. It all had happened too fast. I was certain that I got whiplash from my time there.

Conner was the only comfort I had through the whole thing.

I woke up one morning with his arm wrapped around me. I was lying on my back. He was lying on his stomach, pulling me as close to him as he could. His head was resting right next to mine on the pillow. God knows that the bed we were sharing was a lot bigger than we needed.

I turned my head, looking up at the ceiling. That dreadful feeling that I had grown accustomed to was coming back.

I blinked away a wave of tears. My tiredness must have been mixing with my pain. I hadn't cried in a while.

I shook my head.

"Are you crying?"

I looked over at a now half-awake Conner. I swear some part of his powers included sensing when I was upset. He always seemed to be there are exactly the right times.

"No," I whispered back.

He frowned at me. I let out a sigh as more tears filled my eyes.

"Sorry," I muttered.

"You don't need to apologize," he said.

He moved to his side, going to pull me closer to him.

I didn't break down or sob or yell or anything. I merely hid my face in his shoulder, closed my eyes, and held onto him a little tighter.

I had talked about the weight of it all before. Conner knew every thought I had more intimately than his. My confusion, sadness, anger, and guilt surrounding Jason. He was the only person that I didn't feel like I had to hide any of it. I knew that he would never judge me for any of it.

"Can we stay here forever?" I muttered. It was so quiet that I was convinced that he didn't hear me.

"As long as you want," he mumbled back, holding me even tighter.

It was an impossibility. A half-hearted joke. But I would have done anything to let that be true. To just have time stop for a little while.

I felt a kiss get pressed to the side of my head. A quiet sigh escaped me.

I wish that a younger version of me got to feel this much love and support. I wonder how different they would have been if someone had taken a moment to hold them with no words spoken. No questions, no shushing, no guilt for not having an explanation for my feelings.

Instead of being able to voice my gratitude, I pressed a kiss to Conner's shoulder.

This was all I needed. Forever.

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[bonesandthebees]

Internship is certainly going. I want to say going okay… I could be doing better but I kinda got unlucky with my internship spot and workload. This would be much easier to explain if I could just say what kinda of internship it is, but that kinda feels like too much details both for my current degree and the job I’ll be doing after. (Internet safety and all that). Anyway, what I can say is that anyone in the field irl pulls a face when they hear about my internship. The workload feels impossible, but somehow I’m doing it and I’m about half way through so *aggressively knocks on wood* it should be fine.

I do have a different internship in like a month or so and some other projects but those feel like child’s play compared to the current hell incarnate. So moral of the story: sometimes you just get to have a few mental breakdowns, pick yourself back up and go again the next day (again and again and again and again). It’s like that quote: [“It gets a little bit easier every day, but you have to keep doing it.”] or what’s the other one? [the only way out is through]. And then take plenty of breaks and do fun things even if it feels like you don’t have the time because that’s the only thing that’ll keep you going. The world is always more manageable after a good meal or a power nam or a 15 minute music break.

I’ve been blasting a lot of music based on moods, getting back into Dutch music because girl, I need to learn how to spell properly and every internship I have a song that gets me through. This one it’s ‘secret for the mad’ by Dodie. I’ve had to loop it over and over to get the motivation to try at times, to really let the words sink in, but it helps. So find a song to get you through when you need it.

Lastly, I’ve been meaning to say something about Him, but I just haven’t had the time and energy to write something coherent (aka I’m not using my 30 minutes of evening downtime that are just for me for this negative energy). Best thing is can say is that this is a good opportunity to get into new creators. Just have fun with it (hermitcraft season 10 has been getting be through this). Listen to new music. Try new things to fill the void. I’ve pruned all my playlists and social media follows and such and it felt like a fresh start. (Oh and learned your red flags people. People who don’t respect your boundaries (no matter how small) can be(come) very dangerous.)

My only issue now is that I can play since I saw Vienna and La Jolla on guitar (the picking patterns always smooth me), but now I’m not sure if I can keep doing that. I haven’t tried playing them. I feel like I should look at the lyrics first then decide. But I haven’t found any picking songs with the same soothing vibe, so I’ve been playing a bunch of my classical pieces and I really like playing the ‘romantic’ ones and for some reason the polkas and the blues? So again filling the void.

Anyway, thanks for all the well wishes. I’ve been missing you guys. This has been chaotic life updates with Spruce. I really need to start being productive now. So, bye!

-🌲

yeah of course don't say any details that would reveal too much info about you, but man that sounds stressful :( at least you'll switch to something else in a month?? I'm so sorry you're stuck in hell rn I hope you get through it alright!! make sure to take it easy when you can!! you're so right the world is so much easier to deal with after a power nap or a snack

oooo I haven't heard secret for the mad in a long time but I used to listen to dodie from time to time. I used to think of such angsty scenarios with my ships while listening to 'sick of losing soulmates'

also it's so real to have a song to help you get through shit like that. I'd say rn for me one of those songs is all american bitch by olivia rodrigo because I just have a lot of fun screaming it in the car. tested waters by loupe is a calmer one I've been listening to on repeat lately

you're right this is a great opportunity to get into new creators. I was already drifting to watching qsmp creators more often besides just phil and tubbo, but now I've been trying to tune into bagi and tina's streams if I have the time

definitely look at the lyrics first, but I feel like out of most of the ycgma songs since I saw vienna and la jolla are two of the 'safest' options you could pick for something like that. at least compared to your sister was right and losing face...

la jolla and since i saw vienna are both such pretty songs though. there's nothing wrong with playing those on your own guitar I'd say? it's not giving any money to him. but of course it's up to your own personal comfort.

good luck spruce!!! ty for checking in we all miss you over here!! <33